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Chapter Text

Your name is ERIDAN AMPORA, and you are currently running for your life from some DEADLY PIRATES.

ERIDAN: WWHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU WWRETCHED THINGS
DEPPBOT: Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum, we're gonna rip your head from your tum!
ERIDAN: I HEARD YOU THE FIRST FEWW TIMES YOU SAID THAT
DEPPBOT: Then why haven't you stopped and let us kill you?

You pause to seriously consider this. The previous night, you'd been on LOWAA, having taken your first angelic life. You hadn't expected to feel guilt for the game construct - even if it had a name, you needed to find out what its loot was, and besides, Vriska would've probably killed it if you'd let it live - but your sleep had been unsettled regardless.

And then you woke up here.

Well, not here. But in the MAGIC KINGDOM, whatever the fuck that's supposed to mean.

DEPPBOT: So does this mean you're considering the "rip you to shreds" offer?
ERIDAN: oh my fuckin GOD

You turn around and pierce the animatronic with a blast from AHAB'S CROSSHAIRS right between his eyes.

ERIDAN: consider it considered
ERIDAN: all that bein said though
ERIDAN: this isnt prospit is it

No response from the smoking husk of a robotic corpse.

ERIDAN: thought so

You sigh and brush yourself off. The smell of motor oil reeks in the air.

ANIMATRONICS KILLED: 1/587

You have a feeling it's going to be a long night.

---

You scrape your shoe against the curb, dislodging some black gunk from your fight with the animatronic from your COMBAT BOOTS, as you begin to allow yourself to think about strategy.

First thing, obviously, was to figure out why all of these robots looked like trolls, but didn't have any horns. The DEPPBOT you'd slain earlier reminded you of Zahhak's lusus crossed with a troll's lower body, plus some weird pirate hat.

You'd never wear a pirate hat THAT dorky.

The second most important thing was to maybe figure out how to get home. Maybe. While you'd usually regard your hive as one of the most important places evver constructed, your previous night of playing Sgrub has kind of put you off returning for a bit. Sure, it's a priority sooner or later, but you're not exactly in any rush to force yourself to kill more of those angels.

You don't want to have to think about how that angel from last night died.

(BEL: I understand your concern, and this planet is made for you, Destroyer. But we are merely--

You grit your teeth. More survvivval instinct horseshit. Frankly, after... after Fef, you're SICK of listening to landdwellers' concerns about anything.

Bel nodded their head, as if reading your mind. The angel seemed lost in thought, but they spoke up quickly.

BEL: If you are certain, Destroyer, I ask that you make it quick, and that you extend this to my people.
BEL: But I must plead--

You didn't find out what the beast wanted to ask of you, the tip of AHAB'S CROSSHAIRS glowing with heat, the blast still dancing in front of your eyes as you blinked.

It said to make it quick, right?

Right?)

So. Returning home is low priority.

That leaves the third thing. The third thing, which you'd rather put off forever, frankly. Because acknowledging the third thing means accepting a whole new layer of insanity to this twenty-four hour period.

The third thing, standing across the street from you, seems inclined to ignore you right back, until you break the ice.

He(?) leans on a lamppost and crosses his arms.

You scowl at the ground.

Fucking fine.

ERIDAN: wwhat do you wwant me to do
ERIDAN: beg and plead
ERIDAN: wwoww theres another fuckin sgrub player here howw wwonderful
ERIDAN: do you wwant me to quiz you on your classpect ask you about your wwonderful journey
ERIDAN: because im just tryin to fuckin survvivve the night

The third thing raises his eyebrow.

ERIDAN: and i dont need help from douchebags in red tights

The third thing's other eyebrow joins the first.

????: you sure

You resist the urge to growl.

ERIDAN: im sure
ERIDAN: noww fuck off

The Time player in front of you raises his hands in mock surrender.

????: whatever you say dude
????: if you need me ill be at epcot
????: gonna check if the kim possible questline is working
????: never got a chance to run it
ERIDAN: wwhatevver

And with one last impenetrable look from behind his shades, the god-tiered player in front of you takes off to... whatever the fuck an Epcot is.

What a dick.

You kick a rock.

It doesn't fly very far.

---

You think you hate Mickey Mouse.

It isn't personal. (Well, you mean. By now it definitely is personal.) But it isn't personal. Mickey Mouse is just a symbol of the bullshit that has been driving you insane all night.

And now, you are spread-eagled, laying on the ground, on the concrete near a castle, staring up at a statue of the squeakbeast in question.

The statue appears to depict him with a strange hornless man-lusus you've never seen before. A "Walt," if you understand correctly.

The sun begins to rise.

Fuck it.

You spent the entire night fighting bullshit animatronics and cartoon characters. You, frankly, can be roasted alive by the sun for all you care.

????: yo

The asshole in the pajamas is back.

????: epcot was closed
????: unsurprisingly since we apparently spawned in at ass o clock pm
????: but i poked around anyway
????: checked out an old building or two did some urban exploration
????: feast your eyes

PJs douche decaptchalogues a strange, short, robot creature. Tubes and wires come out of his back, bleeding tar-black oil.

????: i THINK
????: but im not sure
????: that this dude is named buzzy
????: from uh cranium command or whatever the fuck
????: he apparently got stolen sometime in like who the fuck cares so i decided to fuck around and steal it first
????: also it turns out they removed the kim possible stuff anyway so im ess-oh-ell on that front
ERIDAN: can you just fuck off and let me burn in peace
????: wow
ERIDAN: wwoww he says
ERIDAN: ivve been fightin for my gogdamn life out here beatin up colorful mascots till the cowws come home
ERIDAN: and then it turns out the cowws wwanna kill me too so i end up roastin them into steak
ERIDAN: except it turns out they wwere fuckin robots all along and i cant evven eat it if i tried
ERIDAN: wwhich sucks because they genuinely smell fuckin delicious
????: damn that sucks bro im sorry to hear that
ERIDAN: no youre not
????: yeah no im not
????: do you want a mickey mouse waffle
ERIDAN: wwhat
????: its like
????: waffle
????: but it has two little ears
ERIDAN: wwhy
????: hungy
ERIDAN:
ERIDAN: fine
ERIDAN: dont take any fuckin sidetrips or tangents to get there
ERIDAN: youre takin me to get food and then wwere swwimmin back out
????: hey its cool i get it youre on the davetown temporary truce express
????: i can give you a lift
ERIDAN: pass
ERIDAN: i can wwalk just fine unlike some wwrigglers i knoww
????: suit yourself

-

Somehow, you hadn't even realized that the sun had already fully risen. This seemed like a problem to you. Considering that, y'know. You weren't bursting into flame or anything.

ERIDAN: hey
ERIDAN: wweirdo hornless beastthing
????: the names dave
ERIDAN: sure
ERIDAN: wwhy is the sun broken
DAVE: huh
DAVE: oh
DAVE: you guys over on alternia have the schnasty sun huh
DAVE: like the shit that fuckin broils you alive if your name doesnt rhyme with shnapaya harriam
ERIDAN: so wwhat
ERIDAN: your sun isnt broken evven though its clearly not bursting its deadly rays onto the planet
DAVE: my guy
DAVE: we fixed that ozone layer shit years ago
DAVE: you ever heard of a fellow named AL GORE
ERIDAN: is he anything like troll al gore
DAVE: whats troll al gore like
ERIDAN: yknoww pretty normal stuff
ERIDAN: invvented the internet
DAVE: checks out
ERIDAN: wwas executed by a laughecutioner called "hangin chad"
ERIDAN: you can probably guess howw he liked killin people
DAVE: did he hang them
ERIDAN: no wwhat
ERIDAN: he did clowwn antics to them till their thinkpans exploded
ERIDAN: the fuck do you think laughecutioners do
DAVE: man i dont fucking know
ERIDAN: you fuckin landdwwellers dont knoww shit about nothin huh
DAVE: oh would you look at that were here

You and Dave (weird name, sounds fake) arrive at an eatery.

Inside, some gutless workers hiding their horns (you can't imagine why else they'd all be hornless) are cleaning up countertops and mopping the floor.

WORKER 1: Uh... you can't be in here. We're not open yet.
DAVE: oh
DAVE: whenre you opening
WORKER 1: (What day is it today?)
WORKER 2: (mumble mumble whisper)
WORKER 1: Gotcha. We open at 11.
DAVE: sweet

Dave flexes his arms out, and two floating DJ tables appear in midair. One of the employees screams.

DAVE: yo eri
ERIDAN: wwhat
DAVE: grab my hand and do it in the least homoerotic way possible
ERIDAN: the fuck is wwrong wwith you
DAVE: cmon dude
DAVE: the waffles
DAVE: i can practically fucking smell them
WORKER 2: (whisper mumble whisper)
WORKER 1: Gotcha. My buddy says you smell them because we're making a few batches for the start of the day.
DAVE: yeah cool alright
DAVE: eri
DAVE: your cue

You grab Dave's arm and do it as normalways as you can.

DAVE: you have failed the challenge
ERIDAN: i dont fuckin understand anythin you say
DAVE: yeah i know thats kind of the bit im doing
DAVE: here we go

Time stops --

And speeds up ---

And -----

You and Dave find yourself in a crowd of people.

WORKER 2: MUMBLE MUMBLE SWEAR WORD!
WORKER 1: Oh shit!!!
WORKER 1: I mean, that's what he said.
WORKER 1: I also said oh shit, but, like. Quietly.
DISNEY ADULT 4: Hey, don't swear!
DAVE: yeah man how uncool of you
ERIDAN: can wwe just get the fuckin rat wwaffles now
DISNEY TWEEN 3: Oh, dude, is that Dave Strider?

You and Dave both snap your gazes to the teenager wearing the stupid rat ears on a headband. It was like some cruel parody of horns. The fuck is wrong with this place.

DAVE: like
DAVE: dave strider from
DISNEY TWEEN 3: From... Homestuck?
DISNEY TWEEN 3: Like, are you roleplaying, or...
DAVE: i see
DAVE: i am
DAVE: yes
DAVE: i am totally roleplaying
DISNEY TWEEN 3: Hah. I mean, have fun, I guess?
DISNEY TWEEN 3: They're finally opening Homestuck The Movie The Ride The Comic The Ride next month, and after that you're probably gonna be not allowed to come in costume. That's how it is.
ERIDAN: wwhat kind of fuckin rule is that
ERIDAN: also wwhat the fuck is homestuck
DISNEY TWEEN 3: Oh! Right, right.
DISNEY TWEEN 3: I have no idea either.
DISNEY TWEEN 3: Wink.
DAVE: great
DAVE: im gonna get that waffle now
DAVE: eri do you want any specific flavors or whatever
ERIDAN: do they got grubsauce chips
DAVE: im gonna assume those are bacon bits and then say no
DISNEY TWEEN 3: Snrk. You guys are good.
ERIDAN: thanks
ERIDAN: wweirdo
DISNEY TWEEN 3: I mean it! Your body paint doesn't even look like it's leaking or anything.
DISNEY TWEEN 3: It's pretty great.
ERIDAN: thanks i guess
ERIDAN: i usually only paint around my eyes and my nails though
ERIDAN: and of course this shits wwaterproof wwhat kind of shitty pirate do you think id be otherwwise
DISNEY TWEEN 3: Haha, yeah.
ERIDAN: wwhats your name kid
ERIDAN: since youre so wwell-informed and all
DISNEY TWEEN 3: Oh! Oh, uh. Should I give it in character?
ERIDAN: no
DAVE: no
DAVE: also i got the wwaffles
DAVE: shit i mean waffles
ERIDAN: fuckin incredible

You take a bite of the rat face.

It's.

You hate that it's not bad.

DISNEY TWEEN 3: Okay, okay. I have a fankid, and he's a Maid of Light, because he's like, a hologram, y'know? And--
DAVE: i dont care about your ocs i just wanna know your name
ERIDAN: is there more rat wwaffles
DAVE: yeah here
ERIDAN: fuckin paydirt
DISNEY TWEEN 3: Oh, right. Yeah.
DISNEY TWEEN 3: My name's Finn Whitman. I'm a big fan of the comic, y'know?
DAVE: finn whitman
DAVE: like from kingdom keepers?
FINN: Like from what?
ERIDAN: hey
ERIDAN: both of you
DAVE: dude shut up im actually getting somewhere with the whole isekai shit
DAVE: we mightve been mobius slipknotted
ERIDAN: howw about you shut up actually
ERIDAN: youvve been flyin around and doin bullshit kim possible wwanderins and im just sittin here covvered in pirate blood and shit
ERIDAN: i just wwant to ask
DAVE: fucking what
ERIDAN: can i kill and eat the rat if i see it
DAVE: no
FINN: You can't kill Mickey!!!
ERIDAN: but i just ate his face
FINN: That's-- oh, my god. You can't-- Have you-- Oh my god.
ERIDAN: this sucks
ERIDAN: all of this fuckin bs sucks right ass
ERIDAN: im gonna go find more pirates to cull

Dave looks at you, and shrugs.

DAVE: yeah alright
DAVE: finn and i are gonna have a chat about the state of 3d projection technology so i can figure out exactly how fucked we are
DAVE: we might have to fight the fictional president from corey in the house depending on the timeline
FINN: You... wait, you mean like the DHIs?
FINN: I didn't know that they were that widespread! I only auditioned a little while ag--
DAVE: yeah whatever
DAVE: go have fun eri
DAVE: youve got my chumhandle
ERIDAN: i literally dont havve it but lucky for you i dont care
DAVE: its turnte--

You leave.

You think there were more pirates somewhere.

Somewhere...

Well, no reason to worry too much about it. A loop around the park makes sense.

You feel Ahab's Crosshairs secure in your strife deck.

And you don't see the eyes... watchful, a little fearful, but eager --

Staring at you from within the shadows.

(...Oh, god, you're going to have to go on a corporate-friendly fetch quest, aren't you.)

Chapter Text

Heat.

Sweat.

Clammy, grey hands.

Twitchy trigger finger.

Do you have a FastPass?
Hey, let's check out Tomorrowland.
Eri, stop fucking ordering the waffles.
Get out of the way, dude!

Like, from Homestuck?

You wake up.

You wake up, gasping for breath.

Fuck.

Fuck, what the fuck was that? What the hell!

You look at your hands.

They're not grey, just the same brown they've always been.

What the fuck is happening to you to have dreams like this.

You put your head on your pillow, and try to forget about all that... Disney stuff.

And especially about Eridan goddamn Ampora.

---

"Dani!"

Some fucking kid yells at you across the lunchroom. It's nobody you've met before, but that's sort of expected. You're the most popular girl at school, after all. People want your attention.

"Dani, hey!"

You sigh. You tell your friends you'll be back. And you walk over to intercept the sweaty looking kid running towards you.

"What," you say, putting out a hand. "do you think you're doing?"

"Dani Arianas, right?"

"Duh," you say.

The kid holds out a brown paper lunchbag.

"Someone told me to give this to you. Looked expensive."

You frown. The fuck? If this was a secret admirer thing, it was pretty clearly misguided. The brown bag looked utterly unremarkable to your eyes.

You blink.

"Take it, c'mon, Dani, he's gonna pay me the other half of my ten bucks once I deliver it."

"Fine," you say, sighing.

The bag is oddly... warm? And sweet-smelling.

You open it.

There is a Mickey Mouse waffle inside, along with a card.

You inspect the red-inked message.

thought you might want one more. -ds

WHAT THE FUCK.

You stare at the bright red note. There's no way, right?

You tear your eyes from it to see if you could maybe get away with shooting the messenger on this one. The sweaty kid seemed bully-able. You mean, uh. Persuadable. But unfortunately for you, he'd already made his escape.

Miserably, you take a bite of the waffle.

It tastes exactly as good as it did in the dream.

Fuck.

"Fuck," you say. Then, louder: "FUCK."

You ignore the stares you get from the other people in the hallway. Wwhatever. Fuck them.

You mean whatever. UGH.

You eat the rest of the damn thing over the course of your lunch.

Whatever the fuck it was supposed to mean... translates to a sense of palpable dread in your gut at the thought of sleeping again tonight.

...

...Actually, no, fuck that, it doesn't. This was clearly a mistimed prank or something. And it was just a weird fucking coincidence. And there is nothing to be concerned about, and you're not concerned at all, actually. You're flying high. You're doing fantastic.

You bring a mug of hot chocolate with you to your room before you tuck yourself in for purely logical reasons only. Science. Endorphins. Caffeine. Whatever -- fuck all this goddamn internal judgement.

You're going to sleep.

When you wake up in the park, Dave is standing over you again. Inexplicable irritation blooms in your gut.

DAVE: did you like my gift
ERIDAN: FUCK OFF YOU MISERABLE FUCKIN LOSER IDIOT WWHAT GIVVES YOU THE GOGDAMN RIGHT

The corner of his mouth twitches up into something you could barely call a smile.

DAVE: yeah but
DAVE: did you like it

ERIDAN: a little
DAVE: :D
ERIDAN: ugh dont fuckin :D me
DAVE: :)
ERIDAN: you dont even fuckin use text emoticons as a part of your coddamn typin quirk youre just doin that to fuck wwith me
DAVE: yeah youre right that felt weird
DAVE: anyway
DAVE: wanna fuck around for a few hours
DAVE: i got a monologue to give but its not time sensitive

You glare at him through your hipster glasses.

ERIDAN: fine
ERIDAN: not like im doin anythin else wwith my coddamn time

He sets off on a walk, and you follow him.

ERIDAN: cant help but notice its dark again
DAVE: yeah
DAVE: like shit dude i know im the guy of time but are you really not generally aware of the way that like
DAVE: time passes over time
ERIDAN: ugh
DAVE: yeah ill give you that that was weak even for me
DAVE: but basically its night now
DAVE: and thats because during the day you were like
DAVE: uh

You stop walking.

ERIDAN: i wwas wwhat
DAVE: shit i dunno how to say it
DAVE: youre like
DAVE: a chick? on this planet
DAVE: or your local equivalent is one
DAVE: pretty classic high school grade a bitchbully
DAVE: disney channel wouldve cast you if they didnt already accidentally capture your soul in uh
DAVE: yknow
ERIDAN: wwhat do i knoww

He gestures up and down at you.

DAVE: all that
ERIDAN: wwhats wwrong wwith my outfit
DAVE: its
DAVE: well
DAVE: it isnt exactly just your outfit that i generally take umbrage to
DAVE: not like. active umbrage im not sitting here malding about the stupid fucking wizard fit
DAVE: but any more obvious and theyre gonna ship your ass to orlando world of adventure
DAVE: and trust me
DAVE: you do not want to get put in the fucking chamber with gru despicableme
ERIDAN: hey
ERIDAN: havve i evver told you howw much i completely loathe your contemptable species
DAVE: haha clearly not enough

Dave hops, skips, and starts flying, before turning to face you in mid-air.

DAVE: basically
DAVE: we got isekaid
DAVE: i dunno exactly what the mechanism was on the home end of things but apparently all sorts of fuckshit has been happening in this here theme park
DAVE: you got ancient mascots for racist as fuck movies doing a tapdance in the marketable center of main street
DAVE: oh sorry disney's magic kingdom's main street
DAVE: tm
DAVE: make sure to sign up for photopass™️ eri we wouldnt want to miss any of our magical moments

You squint at him and try to grimace, only to realize you were already grimacing.

Man, fuck this guy, seriously.

DAVE: but yeah its like
DAVE: theyre building a ride based on home so we got hooked into the magic or whatever the fuck it is
DAVE: its been a long fucking while since ive read kingdom keepers so like
DAVE: i really barely remember any of the mechanics or anything
DAVE: that was more roses joint but her audioanimatronic isnt done being installed yet so shes not here
DAVE: i think there might have been some kind of xmen thing? of like kids with superpowers
DAVE: dunno
DAVE: whole thing was pretty dumb
ERIDAN: and wwho the fuck is this rose anywway

At that, Dave stops.

DAVE: what
DAVE: like
DAVE: you know
DAVE: rose lalonde
DAVE: my sister from the very same mister
DAVE: flighty broad with the snarky horseshit
DAVE: light player, kanaya maryam, any of these keywords ringing a damn bell

You blink dumbly at him.

ERIDAN: you mean vvriska?
DAVE: jesus dick

He rubs his eyes, displacing his sunglasses with the action.

DAVE: i think i mightve been operating under a set of false pretenses
DAVE: youre eridan ampora right
ERIDAN: fuckin obvviously
DAVE: okay great
DAVE: but like
DAVE: wwwwwhich
DAVE: because let me tell you in the dream bubbles you do not fucking stop running into you motherfuckers
DAVE: its just wwild and wwacky wwituwwations out there every fucking day
DAVE: i hope you understand that wituations was meant to be situations
ERIDAN: i understand that im pissed off right noww
DAVE: thats good that means youre in line with your baseline reality

He fucking pats you on the cheek.

DAVE: good job

You feel like you are seconds away from tearing this guy's face off and eating it. Trolls don't even eat faces. You just kind of want to do that.

DAVE: haha man you look fucking furious
DAVE: does it give you a boner when you get mad i literally always wondered about that stuff
DAVE: but im not about to ask goddamn karkat because if i piss him off he gets horny for different reasons altogether
DAVE: shit wait i got distracted
DAVE: when did you die

You blink.

ERIDAN: i
ERIDAN: didnt?
DAVE: yeah see thats a pretty big divergence there already
DAVE: my eridan
DAVE: or uh i guess i should say my timelines eridan
DAVE: got got on the meteor after he tried to kill someone or something idk it was never clear to me and nobody wanted to talk about it
DAVE: not like they want to pour one out in memory of the slightly faggy incel mass murderer or whatever your gimmick was
DAVE: and for the record im allowed to say that word i kissed a boy once
DAVE: it was kurloz makara
DAVE: in a dream bubble
DAVE: and it was pretty weird
DAVE: but
DAVE: fuck. what was i talking about
DAVE: yeah. right
DAVE: any of this ringing a bell
ERIDAN: the caste name makara but thats about it
DAVE: damn.
DAVE: okay well
DAVE: give me fucking anything to work with
DAVE: howd your game of sgrub go
ERIDAN: dunno
ERIDAN: its been runnin for wwhat
ERIDAN: only a feww hours wwhen i got sent to rat face wwaffleland
DAVE: THANK you
DAVE: finally some actual fucking intel

Dave turns around, his cape fluttering behind him.

DAVE: alright
DAVE: youre what
DAVE: mid to early game eridan
ERIDAN: i guess
DAVE: and im
DAVE: meteor dave
DAVE: or some sort of meteor dave or a davealike
DAVE: ill never kiss and tell
DAVE: thats a lie
DAVE: anyway
DAVE: yeah
DAVE: see that?

Dave points.

You follow his arm, and stare down the incredibly over-manicured street.

ERIDAN: are you talkin about the glowwy thing ovver there
DAVE: yeah
DAVE: i think
DAVE: if i got my predictions correct
DAVE: that should be our guy

And as the two of you approach the glow, one thing becomes clear to you.

One: The glowy thing is a person, and that person's not alone.

And two: The glowy person is none other than --

ERIDAN: THAT ASSWWIPE FROM THE WWAFFLE PLACE?
FINN: (Huh?)
DAVE: ah christ man did NOBODY teach you about stealth
DAVE: dont answer that
DAVE: youre gonna get us spotted by some loser named alfred or whatever the fuck
DAVE: dwayne?
DAVE: ugh its been fucking forever since i read this shit
DAVE: it doesnt matter. lets just approach with calm and reason and youre already walking away. okay cool i see

True to Dave's words, you were, in fact, already walking away. Your (new?) memories inform you that this kid, this... "Finn," is only a middle-schooler, a punk baby dipshit who doesn't deserve your respect. Mostly because he's small and you're tall.

So you just. Yell at him.

ERIDAN: HEY
ERIDAN: WWAFFLE BOY
FINN: I knew I heard something! I--
WAYNE: You did? Who did you see? Which characters?
ERIDAN: wwaffle boy i swwear to gog im going to kick your ass
FINN: Uh... I see two, specifically.
WAYNE: Which ones? Was it Goofy? Mickey?
FINN: No, it's...
ERIDAN: eridan ampora you asswwipes

And the old fuck turns around.

WAYNE: I... I can see you.
WAYNE: That shouldn't be possible at this stage. The Overtakers -- they're powered by belief, but--
FINN: Overtakers?
FINN: Wait, are you-- is this real?
ERIDAN: finn wwhat school do you go to
FINN: I... You're Eridan Ampora, right? I don't feel like it's a good idea to--
WAYNE: Oh, god, why can I see you?
DAVE: this is an unmitigated fucking disaster

You turn around.

Dave is floating there, as he fucking tends to.

WAYNE: Is he... flying?
FINN: ...Yeah? He's Dave Strider, of course he can fly.
ERIDAN: hes davve strider of course he can fly MAYBE HE SHOULD WWALK ON HIS TWWO LEGS SO I KNOWW THEY WWORK, OR OTHERWWISE I MIGHT GET SOME FUCKIN IDEAS ABOUT HOWW VVESTIGIAL THOSE LIMBS REALLY ARE

The old fuck winces.

WAYNE: Maybe... try not to swear? This is a family park, after all.
ERIDAN: if i could throww evvery grub at once into the green sun wwith one swwing i wwould.
WAYNE: ...
FINN: Whenever I dream about Homestuck it gets so complicated, haha.
DAVE: yeah
DAVE: shit dude
DAVE: wayne youve got that fucking fob right
WAYNE: How do you know my name.
WAYNE: Are you with them? Answer me.

Dave throws his hands up in the air in supplicaton.

DAVE: nah dude
DAVE: uninvolved party here
DAVE: your parks managements the one experimenting a lil too heavily with the toys to life gimmick
DAVE: im not the one who saw toy story and went yeah lets do that but for the giant fucking life size freddy fazbear weve got locked in a room somewhere
DAVE: freddy fazbear is a topical reference for this earth right
FINN: Yeah...?
DAVE: sweet ok
DAVE: yeah
DAVE: anyway
DAVE: before you keep shoving kids into animatronic hologhosts or whatever maybe you

Wayne takes something out of his pocket and points it at Dave, who stops talking instantly.

And then he flickers out of existence.

WAYNE: I think we should maybe try this... another time. And another place.
ERIDAN: hey uh
ERIDAN: did you just kill that guy
FINN: Yeah! That's Dave from Homestuck. Did you just kill that guy?
WAYNE: Get all of the DHIs together. Fall asleep at the same time. And... don't -- bring any contamination around.
ERIDAN: wwho are you callin contaminated
FINN: Uh--
WAYNE: Finn, just remember. This isn't a dream. Look at the moon -- no time has passed.

And then he points his weird thing at the kid from the waffle place, and THAT guy disappears, too.

Then, finally, it's the weird old fuck and you, alone.

ERIDAN: so
WAYNE: I don't know who you are.

Whatever friendly, wizardly joviality was on this man's face before is gone. He stares you down like you're going to kill him. (In fairness you were considering it.)

WAYNE: I don't know who or what you or your friends are. I can't keep up with new media these days.
WAYNE: I know they've been installing new things around the park. It's all measures, you see -- measures against her, against them. If they flood them with new meat, maybe the beast will stop growling.
ERIDAN: wwhoa wwait wwhat the fuck are you talking about
WAYNE: And things are getting bad. They're pretending it's a one billion dollar check being written for FastPass, but that's a lie. FastPass doesn't make the parks any money directly. It's not about the money. It's about saving the--
WAYNE: Wait a minute, why am I even telling you all this?
ERIDAN: yeah
ERIDAN: i wwas thinkin that too
ERIDAN: could you just vvaporize me wwith your thing or wwhatever
WAYNE: Don't come back here.
WAYNE: I'm warning you. Stay in your zone and nobody gets hurt.
ERIDAN: i dont exactly think this stuff is up to me but wwhatevver

He points his weird little remote thing at you --

And the world spins --

And your head fills with - water, no, sand -- no --

You -- you --

You wake up.

You gasp for air.

You grab for the mug of hot chocolate, which at this point is just shitty room temperature cocoa water.

You drink it anyway, greedily.

Your phone buzzes.

It's from a number that's not in your contacts.

You almost delete it, but the contents are displayed right there in your notifications tab:

TG: so that went pretty fucking garbage

You open the text, and your fingers just. Hover over the keyboard.

TG: hey uh
TG: your name is dani right
TG: i dont
TG: its weird that youre being dragged along for this
TG: like
TG: ostensibly you did exist here before all this shit started to happen and you definitely didnt sign a stupid fucking contract with disney
TG: so im wondering how much of you is my friend and how much of you is just some bitch ive never met
TG: but uh
TG: do you wanna like
TG: grab lunch or something instead of me sending you a bullshit proxy

You --

You're stunlocked for a minute there, but then you finally reply.

CA: I think that wwould be okay
CA: Sorry i have to get used to this phone
CA: And also used to typing wwith my quirk
CA: Wwhere's the autocorrect disable
TG: settings -> keyboard -> autocorrect
CA: there
CA: yeah
CA: i wwouldnt mind
CA: davve
TG: yeah
TG: ill see you at school tomorrow?
CA: i
CA: yeah. i guess you wwill
CA: good night
TG: night
TG: sorry about being weird as fuck
CA: lol
CA: yea
CA: later nerd.