Chapter Text
I was losing my mind. Being tied to my bed, unable to leave it without a good enough excuse as tending to the call of nature on the toilet or stretching lightly my body from all the laying around. It was torture by itself.
The books around were not enough to entertain my mind enough to keep the worry and stress away. The themes I chose were just too connected to the looming war, that it always brought my mind right to it, filling my heart with worry and frustration that I was not able to help anyone with anything.
I tried everything to keep my mind busy. Painting! I even did painting! It did nothing but proved that with enough time on your hand, you can really do anything, even paint. I tried to colour a book and even crochet, yet once again my mind was full of thoughts and worries, that it did nothing for me.
The only thing that seemed to work to calm my racing mind was writing my thoughts down on the paper. It made me wonder, if it was the same reason, what made Amren to write everything down on paper.
I wrote down my ideas on how to approach the matters with Hybern, how to handle the queens, how to address the issues with visiting the village. It was my little dark secret. None of them didn't wished for me to even think of anything related to war, so I needed to keep these little handy notes hidden, mostly under my pillow or in the cabinet under the sink in our bathroom.
Technically I did nothing wrong, but still, it was out of principle.
If Rhys knew of it, he didn't mention it and I was truly thankful for that.
It did indeed release some of the build up stress from this whole week tied to the bed, being useless, but it as well added to my quilt.
I was supposed to rest, supposed to relax and not care about the war, yet the only thing that worked in my stress relief was planning how to approach the war. It was probably because it was the only way I did not feel useless.
Rhys was out of himself with worry. He would pop up many times a day, checking if everything was alright. The twins were instructed on so many things from my overly worried mate, including but not limited to how to properly prepare a mug of calming tea, how to fluff my pillow just the right way, the proper time limit between hearing my call and their reaction. There were so many ridiculous things that I felt bad for the lovely twins, who were busy as it was and now had their hands full of one High Lady, who was unable to handle war and pregnancy at the same time.
He would even come every evening with a new activity for me to do, something he saw or heard of. First it was paintbrushes and canvas, then it was crocheting supplies, then jewellery making kit, then pencils and notebooks. Each evening is a new hobby for me to try and pass time.
There would be a little basket with sweets, flowers and snacks for me that he would bring as well, smiling from ear to ear, stating that now I'm eating for two and need way more food than before.
Rhys had problems with letting others visit me, stating it will cause me stress and that I didn't needed. It took only a few minutes of Mor's and Amren's time to smack that stupidity out of his pretty head, stating that such an idiocy won't be tolerated in this household.
After that little fiasco, Rhys made a schedule plan, where was showed, when each of our family members could come and visit me. It was the best possible compromise we could hope for, considering that his pregnant mate was in bad health now and he battled each of his instincts to let me alone with anyone, even his family members.
I was laying in our bed, what a surprise, and tried to come up with a good idea on how to approach meeting with Veronica. My hand was constantly stroking my belly. It became an even stronger habit ever since the terrible day that put me to bed rest. I needed to constantly assure myself that Asteria was there, healthy and well.
The girls I helped back then, they owe me their help. After everything I did and sacrificed, this cannot be too much to ask for from them right? It's not for any selfish reason as well, this is for the safety of our court. And I'm not asking for anything impossible.
I would understand if they would refuse if I would ask them to fight against Hybern in the war, that would be a good reason to refuse. Or if I would ask them to leave the village and move to Velaris, that would be a good reason to refuse my request as well.
But mere capturing of the daily life of the village is not something that should be a good reason to refuse my request. If they choose to not help, what will I do? I can't allow anyone to see Velaris, especially not the queens. I would not be able to live in peace if they would know.
The village is secluded, well hidden and the hidden location somewhere in the mountains is a perfect place where nobody could go and explore. Nobody can enter the Night Court without Rhys knowing, nobody can come near where Velaris is located without my mate and the whole Inner Circle knowing and Illyria is very close. They will be safe and sound even if the queens would go with the information to Hybern, seeking some advantage.
Knocking echoed through the bedroom and woke me up from my daydreaming. Quickly, I shoved the papers where I tried to write down some smart way how to talk Veronica into helping us, into the night stand, and just in time, because once the drawer closed, the door of the bedroom opened, showing a warmly smiling shadowsinger.
"Az, hello," I gave him a bright smile and shuffled aside in the large bed, making space for him to sit down.
"Darcy," he nodded with his head and instead of popping onto the bed, he took a chair from the writing table and placed it next to the bed, sitting comfortably while folding his wings over the lower backside of the chair, which was made in mind to accommodate wings.
"Everything alright?" I took him in, trying to find any indication that something was wrong, but found none.
Az was supposed to be scouting the mountains and trying to find the village, he was doing that for the whole week I was laying around and trying to muster as much energy as possible. I have not seen him a lot lately, as he was busy and I missed almost every meeting that was held.
"Why wouldn't be?" He raised his eyebrows and let his shadows roam freely around.
"Shouldn't you be out there, hunting Veronica?" I grinned, keeping my eyes on him.
"I was not aware that you wouldn't appreciate my company?" Az's eyes lit up with mischief as he let his long legs stretch in front of him, folding his arms on chest.
"You know that's not what I meant," a smile showed up on its own accord as I saw him being this relaxed.
Normally he was most of the time tense and greatly controlled, having everything around him in check. Seeing him letting his guards down for a moment was very much needed refreshments.
"Indirectly asking if the search of the village is going well?" He had me read through right away and I just smiled sheepishly, nodding with my head.
"It's going well, north of Ramiel I noticed few signs of life, tracks which were covered and such," he smiled and looked at the night stand, where my plans were hidden. "It seems you made your own progress?"
"Those shadows of yours," I gave the shadows a nasty look, sighing.
"They are only concerned about you," he said with a softer voice. "We all are."
That was the problem. They all were concerned about me, having their minds turned away from the most important thing and that was the war.
"I'm fine," I assured him, brushing my hand over my belly. "Asteria is as well, this morning, there was quite a pulse of her magic, that I saw a stars twinkle around."
That seemed to surprise the shadowsinger and surprise your spymaster is quite an achievement. I cannot help but laugh at his expression, it suited him.
"She indeed took after Rhys in her magic," he shook his head, slightly curly black hair danced around his head as he did so. "His mother used to tell us, that when she was expecting him, he used to let out pulses of magic, that would cloud the room in darkness."
"Did he?" I grinned, excited to hear more of their connected past.
"Oh he did," his eyes lit up with amusement. "And it was getting so common that she needed to have a candle nearby even during the daytime. She would be working on new dresses and out of sudden there would be darkness flowing around, keeping her from seeing even an inch in front of her."
He wiggled with his fingers in front of his eyes and I was laughing at this point. It was just a precious idea.
"Oh that is just way too sweet!" I kept laughing as the idea of Rhys' mother needing to light a candle all the time kept running inside my mind.
"You should be ready for the same though," he pointed out, a fond smile on his lips. "Asteria now summons stars, but it won't be long till there will be darkness flowing around."
"If the darkness will be the same as her father's, then I cannot complain, I love the cosy feel of it," I grinned shamelessly, feeling a very satisfied pull through the mating bond.
“You know that you are the only one who describes his magic as cosy?” Az raised his brow at once again, amusement all over his handsome face.
“Well it is,” I shrugged and patted my belly. “And her’s is as well. Yours as well, I like your shadows, even when they tend to be nosy,” I watched the shadows swirl around, curling around his ear for a slip of second and whatever they said made Az’s mouth to twitch.
“That’s for first as well, most people think they are threatening,” he said with such a light voice, as if it never bothered him, but I’m sure, that the soft, kind heart of his must have felt quite strongly about it.
“None of you ever did something to me with your magic that would make me feel otherwise, so it is cosy and pleasant for me, but I would bet it is rather handy most of the times when others outside the Velaris are wary of it,” I laid more comfortably into the pillows and grinned.
“It is,” he nodded and his hazel eyes turned to the night stand once again, before he looked back at me, his face turning a little more serious. “I’m close to finding the village and I wanted you to know first. It’s your call Darcy, tell me to drop it and I will, no question asked from any of us.”
His eyes bore heavy feelings. Whoever would say he is cold and emotionless will be gravely wrong. Az tends to feel a lot, his emotions are like hurricanes, strong and overwhelming. He feels everything way more than the rest of us does, so he keeps it under tight control to not let it consume him. I realised this the moment Rhys told me about how torn he was by the fact I needed to expose the village. The suspicion was there for a moment but this confirmed it completely.
“Az,” I said with a soft voice, giving him a warm smile to assure him that it was alright. “It’s okay. No need to feel bad about this. I would choose to expose the village over Velaris every single time.”
“You paid with your wings for their safety,” his eyebrows scrunched together as spoke, it was not an easy feat for Illyrian to speak about another one of us losing our wings. “You don’t need to sacrifice even this Darcy, let them live there, hidden and in peace, just like you wished.”
I reached over and took his scarred hand in a gentle touch, squeezing it lightly. They all tend to be way too kind and considerate when it comes to me.
“Velaris is my home now Az,” I said and brushed my thumb over his hand. “It’s a place where my daughter will grow up. I sacrificed for them enough, it’s their turn to pay back now. They used to be my concern, my responsibility, not any more. I found my family, I have my mate, child on the way and a whole court to take care of. I will never put anything above my family and Velaris is our home, our safe place where after facing all the ugly faces the world has to offer we can go and let our guards down. I would rather expose the village ten times over than share our home with the queens, risking they would spill the beans to Hybern the first opportunity they would get.”
His eyes were glued on his hand in mine, deep in thoughts. What was he thinking about? I would never know, but when he finally raised his eyes to look at me, he gave me a bright smile that made my heart skip a beat.
“You grow like a person so much each passing day,” he said and squeezed my hand back “This point of view, it’s admirable. There are not so many people like you out there. People who paid way too steem price for something and then being able to let it go to waste, technically speaking. We are lucky to have you as our High Lady.”
I felt tears coming to my eyes, touched by his words. How can I be so lucky to have such amazing people like Az in my life? What did I do to deserve this kind of life?
“Can I hug you?” I asked in a small voice, blinking the emotional tears away from my eyes, letting them spill over.
“Come here,” Az grinned and stood up, wrapping his hands around me in a gentle manner.
It makes my heart feel all fuzzy. He doesn’t get enough hugs and he deserves all hugs in the world. The mask he puts on himself keeps everyone at arm reach, but I think he needs more hugs and affection than he is getting.
“What are others doing?” I tried to distract my mind so the emotions would calm themselves and laughed when he took out of his pocket a tissue and handed it to me.
“Rhys, Cass and Mor went to the Hewn City to get the Veritas,” Az sat back into his chair, rolling his eyes at the few shadows that sneaked close to me, dancing around with rather lively manners. “Your absence is an excellent excuse for Rhys being a dick and pick on Keir, distracting him long enough till Mor and Cass will come back with the orb. Amren, I believe, is still fussing over the book.”
I thought they were working on the situation, but this surprised me. They were doing so much! Over the week I was there, doing practically nothing, they managed to do so much. I was happy that the things were moving and being done, but it left me feeling useless all over again. Dam those over sensitive emotions!
“That’s excellent, truly is,” I tried to swallow another wave of tears, it was truly silly for me to feel so strongly about them doing such a process without me by their side.
“It’s alright to feel this way,” Az handed me another tissue, smiling warmly. “The situation we are in is really difficult and you are pregnant as well. There is a lot happening at the same time and feeling overwhelmed is just a natural thing.”
I was not sure what to do. His understanding was another force for my tears and I wanted to laugh at the silliness of my damn self and the never ending tears over even the smallest of things.
“Once you find the village, take Veronica here, I want to see her, can you do that to me?” I sniffed and rolled my eyes at the sound, making the shadowsinger laugh.
“Of course. I had that in mind from the moment the search started,” he grinned and reached into his shadows, taking out a new notebook made from a fine leather. “There, this will serve you better for your little secret notes, it’s enchanted to open only to the owner, so you don’t need to hide it away.”
I was speechless as I looked at the beautiful notebook that ended in my lap. What rendered me speechless? I was still not sure if it was the beauty of the notebook or the nonchalant nature of how he simply addressed my notes and fixed the problem without making it obvious.
˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗
It was later the day when Amren walked through the door without bothering to knock, looking like she would choke the nearest thing that would get on her nerves.
“I swear this cursed book!” She threw it on the writing table and jumped on my bed, laying down next to me.
I was surprised and not sure what to do or how to react. I surely did not expect Amren to storm into my room and jump into the bed, complaining over the book.
“You alright?” I checked on her, offering her a pillow, since every single one of them was behind my back so I can comfortably sit and write my notes into the new notebook Az gave me.
“I should be the one asking you that,” she opened one of her eyes and accepted the pillow, sticking it under her head.
“Well it’s not me who is looking like hell now,” I raised my eyebrows at her, giving her a pointed look.
“Right,” she sighed and brushed hands over her face.
“So?” She looked so worn down. Tired even.
“I can’t move with the translation before the second half will be there and that drives me crazy!” Amren exclaimed, throwing her arms into the air. “I can’t focus on anything else than the translation and it’s not moving anywhere now!”
“Did you have time to eat? To sleep?” I felt bad all over again, they all were working so hard and there I was, laying in the bed all day and not helping at all.
“Kind of slipped out of my mind,” she sighed and looked around. “You were busy.”
Her silver eyes toured the room, probably noticing the numerous projects that I tried to do to keep my mind busy and out of the war’s reach.
“Yeah,” I rolled my eyes, already irritated by the mere thought of doing another distractive exercise.
“How does that work for you?” Her voice gave it right away that she knew.
“Like shit,” I confessed and laid down as well, joining her in it.
“That makes us two,” Amren didn’t look happy at all.
She was probably not used to things not going how she wanted. Over the millennia she was alive, she must have learned all things and over the time it all became easy. Having something difficult that is not working how she wants must be so frustrating for her.
“I heard that Rhys is in Hewn City,” I mused, trying the waters if it’s safe to approach this topic with her.
Mor for example didn’t want to talk about anything related to war till I’m discharged from the bed rest. Rhys always brushed it gently aside with massage or cuddle, telling me only the harmless stuff and leaving any real information out.
Cass was a mixture of the two. He would deny any of my attempts to gain information about what is happening, but then he would spill the beans, leaving anything disturbing out.
“Aren’t you supposed to relax and let these things out of your mind?” She turned her head on the pillow, facing me.
“It does more harm when I try to ignore it,” I turned my head on the pillow as well, facing her.
“Makes sense,” she closed her captivating eyes and smiled. “They should be coming back home in a few hours. If I know them, they already have the orb and stay there to not seem suspicious.”
“Az is close to finding the village,” I hummed and closed my eyes as well, feeling relieved to be able to speak so freely over those matters.
With Az it was easy, but I was sure that Rhys would have some things to say about it to him. But he wouldn’t dare to say anything to Amren, so I was not pressured to feel responsible and guilty.
“He is a fine tracker,” Amren commented matter of factly, forcing a smile on my lips.
“He is,” I agreed and then grinned like an idiot. “How are things going with Varian?”
“We still exchange correspondence,” her voice was now sounding way lighter.
“Only correspondence?” I mused and turned to lay on my back, brushing my hand over my belly.
“That and we might or might not have had a few one night stands,” it came out of her like it was nothing, but my eyes shot wide open at the news.
“Really?!” I giggled and felt like jumping two metres into the air from the excitement. I knew there was something between them!
“Hmm, but don’t say anything to Cassian or all I will hear from him will be how I can fuck a dude that is reason he can’t enter the Summer Court,” she laughed and I joined her in it.
“Varian is the reason he can’t enter? I thought it was a drunken flying race gone bad?” Oh this was priceless.
“He made a bet with Varian that he would be able to manoeuvre around the city with blinded eyes, obviously a very shitty idea,” Amren filled me in on the reason behind the catastrophic failure of his flying match and I was ready to die from laughter.
“Oh my,” I kept laughing like an idiot and for sure I will use this against Cass when he will feel all smart and make fun of me. “So you and Varian are a thing?”
“Don’t be ridiculous,” she sounded openly offended by such a suggestion. “We fuck and we talk, that’s it.”
“Sounds terribly similar to being a thing if you ask me,” I practically sang and sat up in the bed to have a better look at her, but she refused to open her eyes and look at me.
“It’s way too soon to make any judgement yet,” she opened one of her eyes in the end, grinning like a wild cat. “I still haven't decided if I will eat his soul or not.”
We both erupted into fits of laughter at this and I fell back into the bed, enjoying these moments of normalcy.
After all, this bed rest is not as bad as I thought. Without it, I wouldn’t get such an opportunity to get one on one with my family members in the middle of the situation we are in. I wouldn’t be able to relax and connect with myself and the ones close to me or come to peace with things which are out of my reach.
˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗
Amren stayed for the rest of the day, keeping me company as she sat by the writing table, working on the translation even though it was a foolish attempt to be useful, feeling I got to know and understand completely.
When she was bent over the cursed book, I took my time and wrote a letter to Tarquin. I was not sure what Rhys managed to say to him so far, so I decided it would be the best use of my time if I would inform him about the progress made on the book and how things look with the war.
I let him know about the progress with the queens and mentioned the bravery of the Archeon sisters when it came to standing up against the queens. Let him know that the Book of Winds is being translated and we made significant progress with it.
This let me feel more at ease, especially after the whole week of not feeling useful, this little thing made me feel as a part of an active group that works to prevent the war.
When it turned late in the evening, alarmingly close to dinner time in the Town House, which meant around seven in the evening, people started to pile up in my room.
Rhys was the first to show up, burying me under a blanket made of endless kisses and sweet words, declaring how much he missed me the whole day. I turned into a giggling mess unable to resist those sweet words and gestures from him and I did not even try to protest, leaving him to do as pleased.
Soon after him arrived Cass and Mor, both grinning from ear to ear, holding trays with dinner, twins behind them with other portions of trays, smiling broadly at us.
“It would be nice to have dinner together,” Mor sent me a wink and dropped on the nearest free place on the floor, making herself comfortable.
“You guys could eat downstairs, I don’t mind it really and you will be way more comfortable down there,” I watched them drop down on the floor without any care in the world, looking comfortable no matter that they were literally sitting on the floor.
“Nonsense,” Cass waved with his hand, grinning broadly as he stretched his leg.
“We won’t let you eat alone and now that we are all in the city at the same time, it’s just the perfect opportunity to eat together,” Mor patted my tight, giving me a reassuring smile.
“Hope I’m not late and Cassian didn’t eat all the beef,” Az walked through the shadows, shaking some of the snow away from his black hair, sending me a warm smile.
“We haven't yet touched the food,” I assured him and laid more comfortably into my nest made from pillows, throwing my legs over Rhys’ lap, which he started to stroke once they landed there.
“I’m offended Azriel,” Cass mumbled, giving his brother a hurt look.
“Don’t be dramatic, he is right,” Amren sipped on her gobbled full of blood, looking more relaxed than she was when she stormed into my room hours ago.
‘You can take the credits for her current state. You gave all of them a place, where they can charge themselves.’
Rhys caressed my mind as his bewitching eyes looked across the room.
‘They do the same for me. I feel way better.’
I confessed, idiotic smile finding its way on my face as I looked at my mate.
‘We have the Veritas.’
He pushed a tray filled with all varieties of food into my lap and leaned over to press a kiss on my lips, his way of saying bon appetit.
I felt relieved at the assurance that they indeed managed to get hold for the orb and with an appetite I dig into the dinner, enjoying the company of my family, who were spread across the floor of our bedroom, eating and chatting over dinner.