Chapter Text
Disclaimer: SVU and all of its characters were created by and are the property of Dick Wolf. I make no profit with this story, which is my own original work.
Olivia sat on the sofa in her apartment, feeling more alone than she ever had in her entire life. There was an open bottle of beer on her coffee table, but she had yet to touch it. She was too lost in her own head, reliving the events of the day – in particular the conversation she and Elliot had shared in the hospital hallway. His comments had been as effective as a blow to the gut, and even now, all these hours later, her stomach still ached as though she had been physically punched. The last thing Olivia had ever wanted to do was ask Cragen for a new partner, but the way she saw things, Elliot had forced her hand. Too many people had walked out of her life already, she wasn't going to wait around and let him do the same. She couldn't take the pain. Even if it broke her heart to do it, she had to be the one to walk away first. It might be the only thing that would save them.
Her Captain had given her a piece of advice that she had clung to with both hands, a lone beacon of hope after all the darkness of the past week. The reassignment to Computer Crimes would only be temporary, a learning process to help bring the SVU squad up to speed with some of the newer technologies available, so they could apply it to their own cases. At most, she would be away for about six weeks, long enough to get a crash course in the systems that were being taught. It would also hopefully provide enough of a buffer of time to separate her and Elliot before their partnership imploded completely. Cragen had left the ball in her court as to what to tell her partner, but in the end, Olivia had chosen the coward's way out. After the way her heart was hurting from their argument that morning, the standoff in the warehouse, and then what had happened at the hospital, she just couldn't bring herself to face the man who had walked by her side for the past seven years.
Rubbing both palms over her face, Olivia swallowed a groan. The silence was eating away at her, and her thoughts were running rampant. Unable to withstand the quiet any longer, she reached for the remote that belonged to her stereo system, unsure whether to be relieved or annoyed when the first CD that happened to play was one of her own making, containing a list of songs she only listened to when she was feeling melancholy – in particular as it pertained to her dating life. The more she thought about it, Olivia supposed it was appropriate after all, because even though she and Elliot weren't romantically involved, what she was currently feeling most certainly could be described as a broken heart.
A knock at the door pulled Olivia from her spiraling thoughts, and she recognized it instantly, not knowing whether to laugh or cry. Of course Elliot would show up at her place as soon as he had found out what she had done. Her first instinct was to ignore him, but she knew that was pointless. If she didn't respond, he'd only use his key – something she had given to him in the first year of their partnership under the stipulation that it was to be used for emergencies only. Despite all his years in both the Marines and the NYPD, Elliot had never quite gotten what the true definition of 'emergency' actually meant – at least not in relation to her. Yet somehow, he had never once managed to cross any of the boundaries they had kept between them, or even invade her privacy.
Getting to her feet, Olivia padded over and undid the chain and deadbolt, opening the door to reveal her partner. The expression on his face was a mirror image of her own, indicating that he too, was as devastated as she felt. Though she wasn't in the mood for company, Olivia stepped to the side, granting Elliot admission into her apartment. Maybe if they were together in their misery, things wouldn't seem that bad. Only as long as Elliot refrained from spouting the same shit as he had earlier about them not being able to be partners because they were too close. If he did that, she just might have to smack him. It was probably a good thing her gun was already put away in the lock box of her bedside table.
In an attempt at a peace offering, Olivia retrieved another beer from the fridge, returning to place it beside her as yet untouched bottle. It was on the tip of her tongue to suggest that they order in, but deep down, she knew she wouldn't be able to eat if she tried, and another glance at Elliot told her that his appetite was likewise absent.
Unlike how he typically made himself at home with ease when visiting, Elliot's body language was instead awkward. His hands were in his pockets, and he was shuffling his feet, either unable – or unwilling – to make eye contact. When he finally garnered the courage to meet her gaze, Olivia braced herself for a barrage of questions. Only one lone query escaped her partner's lips, however, and there was no concealing the hurt in his voice.
"Why didn't you tell me?"
Olivia wasn't surprised in the least by what Elliot had asked. In fact, she knew that if the tables were turned, she would have demanded a similar answer from him. However, all of the logic that she had spent most of the night reminding herself of – including why the decision she had made was so necessary – fled her mind without explanation, leaving her brain a veritable blank. Though she knew he deserved more, there was only one thing that Olivia could think of to say.
"We've been partners for seven years, Elliot. Longer than anyone at SVU. We needed a change."
Her mouth suddenly dry, Olivia licked her lips as she struggled for the courage to finish.
"It was just too complicated."
Now, it was Elliot who looked as though he'd been slapped, and Olivia's stomach was turning somersaults again. The Gitano case certainly wasn't the first time they'd fought with one another, but it definitely marked one of the worst times they'd argued so bitterly. Couple that with the brushes with death they had each experienced – the fear both had felt on one another's behalf – it was a wonder that a temporary reassignment was all that Cragen had required. By rights, they should have been separated permanently, or at the very least made to jump through a series of hoops in addition to numerous visits to the department shrink.
It seemed as though Elliot was taking his time processing her words. His face was a myriad of expressions, but anger was never among them. If Olivia were being honest with herself, she knew that even during their quarrel in the precinct hallway, he hadn't been angry with her. Despite all the shouting, fear had been the driving emotion, then and in the aftermath of what had happened at the warehouse. It was only as a result of their emotionally stunted childhoods that they had such difficulty talking so openly about their feelings – even to each other. It was something they had in common.
Now, though, there was more than just fear clouding Elliot's features. The pain written on his face was evident, as though he couldn't bear the thought of hurting someone he cared about. On a deeper level, there was also a hint of self loathing that Olivia recognized all too well – just another thing she was familiar with. After several seconds of uncomfortable silence, Elliot's voice shattered the quiet.
"Am I really that much of a bastard? Kathy left me because she couldn't stand to live with me anymore, is that why you are leaving me, too?"
Olivia thought her heart was going to crack in two. Never in a million years had she imagined that her partner would try and make a correlation between his wife having filed for separation and her instilling a temporary break in their working relationship. But, looking at the situation from Elliot's point of view, Olivia could easily understand why he must have thought that. Maybe she wasn't the only one of them with abandonment issues.
"El, no."
Grabbing hold of his hand – a more intimate gesture than what they were used to in everyday conversation, but needing to make certain she was being heard – Olivia led Elliot over to her sofa and motioned for him to sit. Taking a spot close by, she looked at him imploringly, hoping what she said would be believed.
"I don't know what Cragen told you, but I'm not leaving forever. I just thought we needed a bit of a break. Tensions got too high on this case."
Elliot's voice cracked as he admitted what their Captain had said to him when he had been called into the office before leaving the precinct.
"Cap said that he didn't know how you had put up with me so long."
"Don't take it personally, El. You know Cragen always gets pissed when he gets caught in the middle. He didn't mean anything by it. I should have told you myself, I just didn't know how."
With a firm nod, Elliot seemed to accept what Olivia had said. She knew that didn't erase the hurt she had caused – but they had both been throwing verbal jabs lately. A part of her would have liked her own apology, but she didn't know if they were quite at that point yet. Everything still seemed so raw.
"For what it's worth, Liv. I'm sorry I've been so miserable to work with lately. I know it's not an excuse, and it doesn't change the cruel things I said to you -"
"We both said things in the heat of the moment. It wasn't the first time, and it won't be the last time. What matters is that we know we didn't mean it, and we can try and figure out better ways to communicate in the future."
That last statement earned Olivia the first genuine smile she had seen from her partner in days. Feeling the weight on her shoulders having lessened, she was about to suggest the idea of dinner as a means of a a peace offering, when suddenly it seemed that Elliot was on the exact same wavelength.
"What would you say to splitting some Chinese? I know you Benson, and you probably skipped dinner, and neither of us had time for a decent lunch. The cold coffee and stale donuts we had at five AM don't exactly count as a proper meal, either."
"Actually, I was just about to go and get the take out menus, but I was afraid you thought that meant I was offering to pay."
Laughing now, Elliot reached for his beer, as though he had only just noticed it – even though it had been sitting on the coffee table for some time as they had talked. Taking a healthy drink, he ultimately nodded his agreement.
"All right, you win. Dinner is on me, but don't forget to order extra egg rolls."
By the time the food had arrived, the partners were done with their beer. As the night had progressed, conversation had become less stilted and awkward. Olivia supposed it had helped tremendously for Elliot to learn that she wasn't abandoning him permanently. Neither of them had work tomorrow, having been given the day off after the events that had transpired when the Gitano case came to its tumultuous end. Come Monday, Olivia would be reporting to her interim post at Computer Crimes, and Elliot would return to the SVU squad to pair with a Detective brought in on a temporary basis from Queens.
So long as they didn't talk about work, the room wasn't filled with any of the tension as when Elliot had first entered the apartment. In fact, he was now the most at ease Olivia had seen him in days, joining her in the kitchen as she fixed their plates to raid her fridge to replenish their alcohol supply. Since he had more freedom with his hands than she did, Elliot grabbed the roll of paper towels to carry into the living room, with Olivia following close behind. They settled on opposite ends of her sofa, making themselves comfortable.
After finding a movie to watch, the partners started to eat, right down to their usual habit of stealing food from one another. They'd learned early on in their years together that sharing meals was the one boundary that had always been safe to cross. When mired down in a case, it was easy to get so caught up on the job that one hour bled into the next, and a Detective often forgot about the most basic needs- especially when it came to eating and sleeping. Sometimes the best breaks had come from catching a few minutes up in the crib, or splitting a sandwich from their favorite deli. On the really good days, it was a celebratory beer after work when they had closed a case and gotten a conviction in court.
Today was somewhere in the middle. While the man responsible for the heinous crimes was no longer a concern – the memory of what he'd done continued to haunt both Olivia and Elliot, and the ramifications had left shock waves that would continue to ripple for several weeks to come. However, each were feeling more confident that the cracks to the foundation of their partnership would be repaired with time.
The movie Olivia had chosen continued to play out on the television screen, but neither she nor Elliot were really watching anymore. Once the food had disappeared, the casual atmosphere in the room had shifted again, to something neither one of them wanted to call attention to. The air was charged with a tension they had always specifically tried to avoid. In an effort to keep herself calm, Olivia offered her partner another beer, which he declined – citing his need to drive home in a short while as his reason for refusing any more alcohol, even though neither of them were anywhere close to being intoxicated.
Eventually, the credits began to roll on screen. Wanting to avoid conversation – even if it was only for another few minutes – Olivia got to her feet in an attempt to clean up their mess from dinner. She was so focused on her task that she hadn't noticed when Elliot had stood as well. When they both inadvertently reached for the same plate, their fingers brushed, something that must have happened at least a hundred times before while on the job. Tonight, however, that simple contact was as effective as a jolt of electricity. Instead of pulling away, however, Elliot instead latched on to Olivia's hand for all he was worth, imploring her to meet his gaze.
"Please, don't make me leave."
Olivia exhaled a shaky breath. If she were to allow him to stay, it certainly wouldn't be the first time that Elliot were to spend the night at her apartment. He'd slept over on several occasions in the past, sometimes after a fight with Kathy and he was trying to avoid the lumpy mattresses in the crib, or on a night when they only had a few precious hours before they had to be back at work. But Olivia knew what her partner was asking of her now had nothing to do with wanting to catch a few winks on her sofa. No, he wanted to share her bed. If she were being honest with herself, she wanted the very same thing. It was just the fear of how much that would change things irrevocably between them that had her holding back. Elliot was the one constant in her life, and she didn't want to do anything to jeopardize that. Just the same, they had both been through incredibly harrowing experiences. Maybe what they both needed was the affirmation that they had survived. What better reassurance was there than being with someone you trusted more than yourself?
Not sure that she could rely on her voice, too afraid it would betray her in some way if she tried to speak, Olivia could only nod her head in confirmation of Elliot's request. But that didn't seem to be enough for her partner, and that hesitation was equal parts annoying and endearing. Of course Elliot was the type of man who would also need verbal consent before pursuing even the slightest hint of a physical connection.
"Stay."
If someone asked it of them later, neither Olivia nor Elliot would be able to say which of them had moved first. It was as though they were simply drawn together until their lips met in a tentative kiss. It wasn't uncertainty that was holding them back, but rather the wonder of it all as they tumbled headfirst into the new experience that would forever alter the course of their relationship. Much like their first meeting all those years before, the physical spark between them was an instantaneous as the emotional and intellectual one had been. After pulling back only once to briefly reassess and wordlessly check in with one another, their mouths fused again, fingers clutching desperately as though one was afraid the other would disappear if they were to let go.
When they separated for the second time, panting for air, Elliot stared into Olivia's eyes. Her pupils were dilated with desire – and he was willing to bet his own blue irises were similarly clouded with the same look of need. But before what was happening between them progressed any further, he wanted to be one hundred percent certain that Olivia wasn't agreeing merely for his sake – though he was willing to wager she wouldn't have any problem telling him no. Even so, consent was important to him, and he needed to hear the words.
"Tell me you're not too drunk to consent, Liv. Because if you are, we can stop right now."
"I promise you, the only alcohol I had tonight were the two beers I drank with you. I know what I'm asking for, Elliot, I know what I want. Take me to bed."
Though the destination wasn't far from Olivia's living room, Elliot had no recollection whatsoever of how they made it to the bedroom. Nor did he remember the clothes they had shed along the way, only that they were now standing by his partner's queen sized mattress. He was down to just his boxers, and Olivia was in front of him, clad in a lace lingerie set that he'd only ever seen her wearing in his dreams. Granted, he'd caught the occasional glimpse before while in the locker room, but he'd always kept his eyes averted. Now, though, he was not only given permission to look – but touch.
If asked about it later, neither would be able to say which of them had made the first move. Perhaps it had been simultaneous, an almost instinctual need for both. Their lips met in another kiss, having become quick studies in how to be able to balance the art of breathing without having to separate for additional air. Their arms were wrapped around one another in a perpetual embrace, and Olivia could feel Elliot's arousal pressing against her abdomen. Lowering her hand to stroke him through his boxers, she received an answering groan into her mouth as a reward for her efforts.
Pulling back from the kiss only so she could nuzzle her lips against the side of Elliot's throat, Olivia became aware of when her partner's fingers were playing with the clasp of her bra strap. She was equally cognizant of the way he was hesitating, and her whispered plea was exactly what Elliot needed to hear to give him the confidence to proceed.
"Please."
Unfamiliar with the mechanics of the particular style bra Olivia was wearing, Elliot only fumbled briefly before managing to undo the hook-and-eye clasp. Making eye contact once more, he didn't dare look at the exposed flesh until he saw her nod of confirmation. Only then did he lower his gaze.
Much like visions of Olivia in lingerie had always been a frequent visitor in his dreams – especially since his divorce – images of what she would potentially look like without any clothing at all had also taken up residence inside his brain as well. It was on the tip of Elliot's tongue to apologize for those particular fantasies, but something told him that he wasn't the only one who had imagined the possibilities between them, and though the words weren't spoken out loud, a reassuring glance from Olivia told him he had nothing to feel guilty for.
As much as Elliot had always tried to remain respectful, he was still a man, and very much attracted to the attributes of women. Breasts were no exception. Thus, the first time he got to witness Olivia half naked was a true gift. It was no secret he had always found her attractive, in particular her olive-toned skin. While they'd shared a few platonic touches over the years, it was never before as intimate as this. As though he were handling a precious jewel, Elliot cupped one of Olivia's breasts in the palm of his hand, teasing the pebbled bud of her nipple with his thumb, reveling the way she responded to his touch.
What Elliot hadn't been expecting was for Olivia to press both palms flat against his chest. At the contact, he instinctively froze, thinking she was calling a halt to their activities. Instead, he felt himself being nudged backward, collapsing onto the bed when his knees buckled involuntarily upon bumping into the mattress. Still not quite done, Olivia continued the downward motion, not stopping until Elliot was flat on his back, and she was straddling his waist.
It took a few seconds of maneuvering, even longer before Elliot realized Olivia's intentions. When she hooked her fingers in the waistband of his boxers and began dragging them down his legs, the light bulb illuminated completely, and he was finally aware of what she intended to do.
"Liv."
"If you're stopping me because you don't want this, Elliot, I won't go any further. But if you're doing it because you feel the need to protect me, don't. I want to do this."
Truth be told, Olivia wasn't in the habit of going down on her lovers. It wasn't that she was opposed to the practice, it just spoke of a greater intimacy – a deeper connection – than she typically felt with the men she invited to her bed. But Elliot wasn't just any man. He was her partner, her best friend. She trusted him, and knew she could let her vulnerable side show.
"Okay, Liv, okay. I just didn't want you to feel obligated."
"Never, El. I promise."
Scooting back until she was kneeling between his spread legs, Olivia bent at the waist. Wrapping her fingers around the base of Elliot's length, she accepted the tip of him into the heat of her mouth, suckling softly. With gentle use of tongue and teeth, she continued to tease, feeling a sense of satisfaction when Elliot lost the fight against the pleasure that was consuming him and the fingers that had previously been clutching at the sheets reached up to thread through her hair.
After a time, and just when she thought she might be granted the opportunity to taste him completely, Olivia felt Elliot tug gently on her short chestnut tresses, prompting her to raise her head. Ever mindful of the physical cues, she followed the wordless instructions, her desire filled eyes looking down into a matching pair below.
"Not that I'm not enjoying everything you're doing, Liv, but if you don't stop now, the night might be over before it's even begun. I'm not as young as I used to be."
Olivia fought the urge to roll her eyes. He wasn't that old – for that matter, neither was she, but she would respect what he had asked. What she hadn't been expecting as she crawled up to lay against Elliot's side was for him to turn the tables completely, flipping their bodies until he was now the one hovering above her. There was no mistaking the mischievous glint in his eye as he regarded her with a heated gaze that made her shiver imperceptibly.
"My turn."
The intensity with which Elliot was regarding her, as well as the throaty rumble of his voice left Olivia with no doubt whatsoever regarding his intentions. While she had no objections, she'd be lying if she didn't admit that a part of her was surprised by the development. Much like her partner, Olivia hadn't been expecting or even demanding this degree of attention – especially from Elliot. While she never liked to make assumptions regarding the preferences of what other people enjoyed in the bedroom, there was always a part of her that had figured that sex life in the Stabler household was rather vanilla. Not that Elliot himself ever gave the impression that he was inhibited, because he never shied away from the explicit topics they often needed to discuss at work. Rather, her belief stemmed from his Catholic upbringing and the fact that he'd married so young. Raising four children certainly couldn't allow for much free time with your significant other.
"Liv?"
Cursing her brain for its distracting train of thought, Olivia pulled her focus back to the present. Elliot was looking at her with no less desire, only a slight question in his eyes, and she realized that he had misinterpreted her hesitation for disinterest – or possibly even refusal.
Never one to shy away from voicing her wants – or even a little dirty talk – Olivia reached up to run her fingers through his hair and give him what she hoped would be a dose of encouragement.
"Yes, El. Put your mouth on me. Taste me like I tasted you."
Even though there hadn't been any doubt, Elliot felt even more of his blood run south, making him even harder than before as he was given the green light to fulfill yet another one of his fantasies. Dipping his head low, he inhaled deeply, breathing in a scent that was unique only to Olivia. Selfishly he vowed to commit it to memory, in case tonight should be the only opportunity he would ever be granted permission to touch her. Just as she had done for him, he hooked his fingers in the waistband of her now soaked panties, and drew them down her legs. While he had always been aware of Olivia's height – it had always been something about her that he'd admired when she would stand nearly toe to toe with him – never before had her legs seemed as endlessly long as they did right now. While he wasn't trying to rush the moment for anything in the world, Elliot couldn't help but look forward to when they would be wrapped around him while he was buried inside her.
Elliot resisted the urge to pinch himself – because if by some cruel twist of fate this was a dream – he never wanted to wake up. Slipping two thick fingers between Olivia's slick folds, he touched his partner intimately for the first time, and couldn't help the primal surge of pride he felt in knowing that the moan that fell from her lips as a result was all because of him. Choosing not to dwell on that, he renewed his focus instead on what he could do to get Olivia to make that noise again, determined to bring her as much pleasure as possible.
Unable to hold back any longer, Elliot lowered his mouth to Olivia's clit, wrapping his lips around the swollen nub and suckling softly. He was rewarded with a mewling sound and the sensation of his partner's fingers clawing at his closely cropped hair. While it had been awhile since he'd been familiar with this particular practice – he was more adventurous in his early days and having kids so young quickly caused married life to grow stale – Elliot found that he hadn't forgotten what to do entirely. The experience itself, however, was unlike anything else. Now, he had more confidence, and Olivia certainly wasn't shy about asking for what she wanted. He'd been hearing a great deal from her so far – and none of it sounded like complaints.
As Olivia's moaning increased in intensity and decreased in coherency, Elliot doubled down on his efforts. His resolve was more persistent than ever to bring her body to release before progressing any further. Getting Olivia to succumb to the ministrations of his mouth and hands was his ultimate goal, at this point even more important than his own satisfaction.
Adding a third finger to join the other two, Elliot directed the attention of his strokes to the spongy tissue along Olivia's inner wall. At the same time, he continued to suckle on her clit, introducing the softest scrape of teeth as well as his tongue. To further enhance the sensuality of the moment, he included his voice in the mix, all as a means to encourage Olivia to shatter in his arms.
"Let go, baby. I've got you. Just let yourself fall. You taste so good."
Belatedly, Elliot realized that if she weren't in the throes of bliss right now, Olivia might very well cause him an injury that would prevent him from ever having sex again – and all because he had slipped and called her 'baby'. It hadn't been intentional on his part, he had been letting his heart do the speaking and hadn't had time to filter or amend his words before they'd been spoken. There wasn't time to dwell on it, however, because Olivia's thighs had clamped tightly against the side of his head as she arched off the bed with a sharp gasp, crying out his name as she came.
"Elliot!"
Elliot continued to tease his partner as she road her high, prolonging her pleasure for as long as he possibly could. When she collapsed weakly back against the mattress, he softened his touch, hoping to bring her back down to earth in a more gradual manner. As her breathing starting to even out, he eased his fingers from within her body, unable to resist the urge to taste her yet again by putting them in his mouth and sucking them dry. Crawling up Olivia's body to lie beside her, Elliot took in her flushed complexion and the way her skin was dewy with a fine sheen of perspiration. She'd never looked more beautiful. But what really took his breath away was the smile he was rewarded with. While the feelings were most certainly there on his behalf – more apparent than ever after both their recent brushes with death – Elliot certainly wasn't expecting any undying declarations of love tonight. But if he could only get Olivia to look at him again like that at least one more time before the night was over, he could exist on that memory alone until their mandatory separation was over and they were reunited as partners.
Gradually, Olivia's choppy breathing eased and Elliot could feel as her heart rate slowed to a steadier tempo. The look in her eyes had taken on an even softer quality, and he couldn't help but touch his mouth to hers. He was gentle this time, mindful of the way Olivia's lower lip was reddened and swollen from her teeth in an effort to keep from being too loud. Not that Elliot would have objected if she had been more vocal, but he knew that had stemmed mainly from not wanting to give the nosy neighbors anything to gossip about. It was bad enough they were a hot topic of conversation around the water cooler at the precinct – Olivia didn't need the idle chatter following her home, too.
Not that he had intentionally let his mind wander, but like most of his distracting thoughts, they had stemmed from worry for his partner's well being, in this particular case, her reputation. However, Elliot lost all sense of rational logic when he felt Olivia's delicate fingers wrap around his hardened length for a second time that night.
"I think it's time we took care of this, don't you? And since you won't let me taste you, then I'm going to need you inside me."
Even if he had been capable of speech at that moment, Elliot wouldn't have known what to say. Never before had anyone made that request of him in such an explicit manner, and he'd never realized just how much of a turn on it actually was. Using the last vestiges of control and coherency before desire took over completely, he made what he hoped was a delicate attempt at addressing the elephant in the room. Again – a conversation they probably should have had before things got to this point.
"Do you need me to -"
"No. I want to feel you."
Olivia could hardly believe her own ears as she said the words. Granted, she had meant what she said with her whole heart, but it was so out of character for her that she couldn't help but have a niggling sensation of doubt. She'd always been a steadfast supporter of birth control, right from the very beginning. Even her one pregnancy scare in college had been a result of the condom breaking, and not lack of use. But the man in her bed tonight wasn't just anyone – it was Elliot, someone she trusted with the entirety of her being. If she couldn't give herself to him completely, she would never be able to do it with anyone. Plus, Olivia knew that Elliot wasn't the type to sleep around, so he was safe in that regard. Not to mention, she was on the pill, so she was covered on other fronts, too.
Feeling her heart swell with the concern and care being afforded her as Elliot wordlessly checked in with her a second time before shifting his weight to hover above her, Olivia could only offer a nod of confirmation. As she felt the tip of him teasing at her entrance, she pulled her legs up even more to rest alongside Elliot's hips, granting more access. What Olivia hadn't been expecting, but was nearly moved to tears by was when Elliot linked their fingers together on either side of her head, then bent low to fuse his mouth with hers the exact moment their bodies become one.
Though they each required several precious seconds to acclimate to the sensation of their union, eventually the need for Elliot to move was greater than just remaining still. Contracting her abdominal muscles, Olivia arched her hips off the bed ever so slightly, offering encouragement without words. The subtle motion prompted Elliot to strike up a rhythm that robbed them both of breath.
"Oh my God."
Olivia tore her lips away from Elliot's – not because she no longer wanted to be an active participant in their heated kiss, but rather for a need for air. Instead, she arched her head back, baring the line of her throat to her partner, and he gladly accepted the invitation for what it was, latching on to her pulse point with a growl. Despite his fervent need, however, Elliot was mindful of the force he used, knowing his life span would most definitely be shortened if he were to leave his mark on any part of Olivia's body where they could be visibly seen. Opting instead to lavish those particular love bites on her breasts instead, he decided to save them for his next target as he increased the speed of his thrusts, earning an inarticulate moan for his efforts.
Propelled on by the sounds Olivia was making, and overcome by the sensations he himself was experiencing, Elliot slipped a hand down to the place where their bodies were joined to tease Olivia's clit once more. His intuition was telling him that she was close to falling over the edge, and he wanted to do everything he could to make the moment last for as long as possible. His own release was also imminent, and yet again Elliot found himself faced with a question that would have been better served for an earlier discussion point. As always, his partner was able to read his mind and come to his rescue.
"Inside me, El."
Elliot thumbed the swollen nub one final time as Olivia breathed out her plea, and she came undone in his arms. He tumbled over the precipice immediately after, spilling himself into her warmth. Spent, yet using the utmost care to not let his full weight collapse onto his partner, Elliot shifted their bodies to the side, pulling Olivia with him. His softening length was still nestled snugly inside her, and her head lolled against him. As Elliot ran his fingers through Olivia's hair, he felt when she turned and pressed her lips against his chest, and sighed contentedly. While part of him was still on an all time high, fear was starting to creep back in, and he prayed that she wouldn't kick him out – not now, not tonight. Everything may change come morning, but at least for a few more hours, they could stay in the private world they had built for themselves within these four walls.
Before he could say anything, Elliot sensed rather than heard as Olivia's breathing began to even out, and knew she was dozing off. Her post orgasmic haze had left her in a state of complete relaxation, and the drowsiness was contagious. Even though there was no doubt that his partner had fallen asleep, Elliot hesitated only momentarily before reaching down to pull up the blanket to cover their bodies so they wouldn't catch a chill. Hoping he wasn't wearing out his welcome, he pressed a gentle kiss to Olivia's forehead, and soon joined her in slumber.
Olivia stirred, feeling the disorientation that comes from an unintended nap. What she wasn't expecting was to find herself naked, or the sensation of tenderness between her thighs. Shifting to the side, her arm came in contact with a solid flesh-and-bone form, and she froze, momentarily panicked. Her room smelled of sweat and sex, but above all that, there was the scent of something familiar – a cologne she easily recognized, and the memories came flooding back.
Elliot. It was Elliot who was in her bed, who had been inside her body. Olivia thought she would have been more unsettled in the aftermath, but now that the initial confusion was wearing off, she only felt a sense of peace. While she certainly didn't sleep around as much as people likely assumed she did, she wasn't exactly a virgin, either. But what she had experienced with her partner most definitely transcended anything she had ever known before. It was equal parts thrilling and terrifying.
Hesitant to move because she was worried it would disturb Elliot, and fearful it would spark a conversation she wasn't yet in the head space for – Olivia eased herself out bed. She had thought about staying put, even though she normally didn't consider herself to be a cuddler, but there was something about being so close to Elliot that had its appeal. However, the need to use bathroom was far greater at the moment, so she felt the need to listen to her bladder.
Upon returning to the bedroom, unable to hide her smile at sight of her partner sleeping so peacefully in her bed, Olivia reached for her nightstand drawer to take her evening dose of her birth control pill. When she opened the small compact, what she saw caused her heart to stop beating in her chest. Feeling the package slip from her fingers and drop soundlessly to the carpet, her knees gave out on her, and she collapsed back onto the mattress, a string of expletives pouring from her lips.
"Fuck. Shit. Fuck. This can't be happening. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck."
Whether it the slight jolt of movement, or the sound of Olivia's voice, Elliot was nonetheless roused to consciousness. Any residual drowsiness left him immediately when he saw the state his partner was in, and he immediately rushed around the bed to kneel at Olivia's feet, stopping only long enough along the way to collect his discarded boxers and pull them on. It wasn't that he was worried about his own modesty, but rather he didn't want his nudity to contribute further to her distress.
"Liv, what is it? Talk to me."
Rendered temporarily mute, Olivia could only point a shaking finger at the birth control pills on her carpeted floor. Still confused, but wanting to do whatever he could to understand, Elliot reached for them to examine. It was when he saw the tablets still in the package that the light bulb finally went on. There were four days from the week that should have already been taken, but given the pressure of the case and everything that had been going on, it was understandable how it had been an oversight. However, it was also easy to comprehend the source of Olivia's unrest.
"Okay, Liv. Okay."
Ever observant, Elliot noticed the way his partner was shivering almost imperceptibly. Reaching to his side, he grabbed the first thing he could find, which just so happened to be his tee shirt. He passed it to her, which she slipped on with a whisper of thanks. In an additional effort to get her warm, he grabbed a spare blanket from the chair by Olivia's closet, and draped it around her shoulders, then sat beside her. For a brief instant, he was transported back in time twenty three years, and he was seventeen again. But Elliot quickly pushed that thought out of his brain as quickly as it had entered. He was a grown man now, a father of four. Nothing mattered in this moment except the needs and feelings of the woman beside him. Before he had a chance to offer a word of reassurance, however, Elliot was met with an apology.
"I'm so sorry. You have to believe me, I never would have asked you to do – that – if I'd known. I swear I'm not trying to trap you."
Though he had been hesitant to touch her since he'd first awoken, Elliot couldn't bear to see Olivia so upset. Wrapping an arm around her shoulders, he pulled her against him in a gesture of comfort.
"Liv, I know. I also don't want you getting ahead of yourself. This might not mean anything. But if it's something that is really bothering you, and you want to do something about it, then I will go out right now and get you emergency contraception from one of the twenty four hour pharmacies. It's available without prescription now."
Olivia looked up at him sharply, and it broke Elliot's heart to see how hard she was trying not to cry.
"But you're Catholic. You don't believe in that."
"I believe in your right to decide what is best for you. Whatever you want, I will support it. If taking something will give you peace of mind, then it's worth it."
Olivia considered his words, and knew Elliot was being sincere. She gnawed on her lower lip, fully prepared to accept his offer, when a niggling thought at the back of her mind stopped her from agreeing. What had just taken hold should have been a more terrifying concept that what her partner had suggested, but instead she saw only a beacon of hope – even if at the moment, they were just swimming in a sea of unknowns. Ever aware of her partner's perception of her, Olivia wasn't surprised in the least when he picked up on her hesitation.
"Liv? What is it?"
"What if...what if I don't take the emergency contraception?"
Elliot let the question roll around in his brain for a few seconds, trying to figure out how to respond. He didn't want to incorrectly assume the wrong thing - or worse - hope for something that would be impossible. Deciding to go out on a limb, he attempted to make a guess.
"You mean, take our chances and roll the dice, see where they fall?"
"Yes. How would you feel about that?"
Resting his palm on the side of Olivia's face, Elliot let his eyes flick back and forth between hers, searching her expression for any outward signs of panic. He saw none, only calm.
"I think that's something I should be asking you. As I said before, this is your decision. Is this something you want?"
"You know how much I've always wanted a family. What if this is my only chance? I can't risk letting the opportunity go. The only question is, would you want that with me? You've already experienced all that."
All prior hesitation gone, Elliot kissed Olivia with an intensity that matched what they had shared leading up to their lovemaking. When they finally separated, he touched his forehead to hers, unwilling to break the connection.
"Olivia Benson, it would be an honor to build a family with you."
Picking up the package of pills that still lay on the mattress between them, Olivia dropped them into the garbage can beside her bed. With a smile, she pulled Elliot in for another kiss, wanting to make the most of their night together, knowing he would have to leave in the morning to see his kids.
"Then let's see what happens."
Olivia sat at her computer terminal, trying to focus. She'd been at Computer Crimes now for just under a week, and today was her first day working on her own after a whirlwind orientation. While the material she was dealing with was indeed captivating, and brought about a entirely new perspective to the way predators had access to their victims, she couldn't deny how much she missed going out in the field – in particular with Elliot.
It had been a mutual agreement between the two of them to uphold their mandatory separation on all levels – even though Elliot had argued the logic of that for a bit. Truth be told, it hadn't been easy for Olivia to accept it either, if she were being honest with herself, she missed him in more ways than one. But if the scales tipped in their favor, and they wanted any chance whatsoever of remaining in the same unit – even if they could no longer be partners – they had to at least pretend to play by the rules.
Due for a breather – not to mention a need for a coffee refill and few minutes to rest her eyes after staring at nothing but a screen all morning, Olivia grabbed her empty mug and headed to the break room. There were a few people in there that she recognized on sight alone, but hadn't quite memorized their names as of yet. Not in the mood for conversation, she tried to ignore what appeared to be a conversation filled with idle gossip between the two other Detectives. That was, until, she heard the name 'Stabler' mentioned, and then all bets were off.
"What did you say?"
Unsure how she had crossed the room so fast, Olivia found herself questioning one of her new colleagues, her hand itching at her side, and the temptation to grab them by the collar to obtain more information was suddenly very appealing.
"Elliot Stabler – wait, wasn't that your old partner? Anyway, heard he and the sub SVU brought in from from Queens got into an all-out brawl in the middle of the squad room today. The whole precinct is talking about it."
Not even bothering to deign that comment with a response, or wait to hear anything more, Olivia was out of the room in a flash. Stopping briefly in her current Captain's office, she obtained permission to leave the floor for a few minutes. There was likely no doubt as to where she was headed, but she didn't even care. The only thing that mattered right now was getting to Elliot.
She found him in the SVU locker room, shirt open, chest bare. Thankfully, aside from a slowly darkening bruise on his cheek, he appeared no worse for the wear. Knowing that she was the last person he would be expecting, and that they would have to tread carefully, Olivia tried to find the best words to break the ice.
"I like that shirt."
At the sound of her voice, Elliot whirled around, disbelief then happiness apparent on his face. He closed his locker door, then crossed the room to where she was standing. One hand reached out to touch Olivia's face, and then it was as though Elliot remembered exactly where they were, and he stopped himself. His arm dropped back down to his side, and when he spoke, his voice was low.
"What are you doing here?"
"I heard about what happened with you and Blaine."
A look of anguish crossed Elliot's features as the memory of his argument with Lucius Blaine came flooding back. Sinking down onto the bench behind him, he dropped his head into his hands.
"He said I screwed you, and I lost it. I know he didn't mean it in that particular context, there was no way for him to have known, he just meant that I was trying to ruin your career, but -"
Olivia sat across from him, wordlessly holding out her hand. Knowing exactly what she wanted, Elliot placed his fingers in hers and held his breath as his partner – she would always be his partner – gently examined the bruised and broken skin on his knuckles.
"You thought he was insulting me, and you saw red. You always do go out of your way to protect those you care about. Even though I wasn't in particular need of your defense, I appreciate where your heart was at. I just hope you won't get into too much trouble."
"There's no doubt Cragen's pissed, but it's nothing I haven't dealt with before. I'll play nice with Blaine for the rest of the time he's here, just promise me you actually are coming back and not leaving me with that prick forever."
"I'm coming back, El. I promise. You should probably put ice on that. At the very least, take some aspirin. It's going to hurt like a bitch later."
"Or, I could come over, and you could play nurse."
Olivia gave a resigned sigh, and looked up at him imploringly, to which Elliot held up both of his hands in a gesture that was both an apology and a sign that he was backing off.
"I know, I'm sorry. I just miss you, is all."
"I miss you, too. But if this is going to work, we need to make sure we don't give them anything to hold against us. Me coming to see you today was understandable, it's one partner worried about another. But if we start associating outside of work when we're supposed to be separated-"
"I get it."
They both got to their feet, and were about to head out of the locker room. Though neither had spoken about it, it seemed as if they had mutually agreed that Elliot would walk with Olivia to the elevators to see her on her journey back to Computer Crimes. Before they left the safety of the private space, however, Elliot had one final question. He lowered his voice to a whisper, mindful of anyone that could overhear.
"Do you know anything yet?"
This time, Olivia regarded him with a smile. For a man with four children – three of them daughters – he really had no clue how the mechanics of woman's monthly cycle worked. But his hopefulness was contagious, and his innocence about the matter was endearing.
"I'm not due for my period until late next week, El. Even then, with all the recent stress, it might not be the most predictable. I'd say it will be at least two or three weeks before I'd want to take my chances with a test."
Absorbing the information, Elliot nodded his understanding. They silently made their way down to the first floor of the squad room, and were waiting for the elevator when he dared to reach out and touch Olivia on the shoulder. They were in plain view of everyone now, but he kept his words neutral.
"Thanks for coming to check on me, Liv."
"Of course. Take care, El."
Eight weeks. Olivia had been in Computer Crimes now for just a little under two months – and definitely longer than she had planned. But some unforeseen snags had resulted in her current tour of duty in this particular position having been extended, but she hoped her transfer back to SVU would be pushed through as soon as the case she was currently working on had closed.
The last thing she had been expecting was for Elliot and Reuben Morales to show up at her desk, asking for her help. As soon as she was given the details, Olivia was willing to drop everything she was doing to help them find not only Teddy, but the person who was trying to hurt him. Even given the seriousness and time sensitive nature of the situation, there was no mistaking the pride in Elliot's voice or the way he looked at her as she expertly navigated one of the newer computer tracking programs they had been working with, finding what they were looking for with ease.
Feeling a surge of adrenaline that hadn't rushed through her veins in what felt like ages, Olivia got permission to join Elliot and Reuben on their quest. It was her first time in the field in what felt like forever, and despite what she'd commented to Elliot about having been grateful for not witnessing blood or tears in weeks, there was no doubt that working with people stemmed from deep in her soul. She wasn't meant to spend her days sitting behind a computer – not that it diminished the work that Computer Crimes did- but it just wasn't for her.
What seemed like a whirlwind of events later, one that involved stopping Reuben from beating the shit out of the man responsible – however much deserved – Olivia found herself back in Captain Cragen's office. The last time she had been in that room, it was after everything that had happened with the Gitano case, and she had been requesting a new partner, her heart in tatters. So much had changed since then.
After signing her name to a few documents, it was official – her reinstatement to Special Victims was complete. Even better, she was once again partnered with Elliot. Olivia tried to keep her face impassive as her Captain asked her if she would have a problem teaming up with Elliot again, afraid of showing too much emotion. Granted, she knew it wouldn't be permanent, but for now, she would take what she could get. Eventually, they would have to disclose – especially if they wanted to keep working in the same unit. But for now, for today at least, everything was as it should be.
The first conversation with Elliot once she stepped back into the squad room was awkward at best, but Olivia knew that wasn't actually the case. They were both putting on a show, and any tension they pretended to have between them was only for the benefit of others. So when Elliot questioned her about what appeared to be him misinterpreting her presence in Cragen's office for having reported Morales for his excessive actions while out in the field, Olivia just rolled with. It wasn't until she was sitting in the place where she truly belonged – at the desk across from her partner – that she finally felt as though she were home.
"What are you doing here?"
"I work here."
From that day forward, they fell into a sense of normalcy – if a bit more altered than what they had shared before. Now, while their days were spent comforting survivors and interrogating scumbags, their evenings were spent enjoying one another's company. Although they had refrained from becoming intimate– with the exception of their lone night of passion after the Gitano case – they were effectively working somewhat backward in whatever strange courtship style dance they were embarking on, leaving no doubt that they were growing even closer as time moved on.
Tonight, however, Olivia was alone at her apartment, having declined Elliot's invitation to spend the evening with him and his kids. Not that she had anything against the younger Stablers, she just didn't want to intrude on what precious little family time he was afforded without the interference of the job. Instead, she had opted to enjoy some quiet time at home with Chinese take out and a book that she'd been meaning to read for some time now. She might even try to go to bed at a decent hour since she wasn't on call.
As much as Olivia wanted to hear from Elliot, she wasn't going to bother him, and reminded herself that she would see him in the morning. Deciding to take advantage of a night that was practically guaranteed to be free from interruptions, she chose to pamper herself a bit. Gathering some of her more expensive bath and body products, she treated herself to a shower complete with a heated mask treatment, and even used an exfoliating scrub and moisturizer that she typically saved for special occasions.
By the time Olivia was done with her shower, she had planned to brew herself a cup of hot tea and settle in under her favorite blanket with the novel she'd wanted to read. But whether it was the steam and warm water that had relaxed her completely, or that she was coming down with a light touch of something, all she really wanted to do was go to bed and sleep. It didn't help matters that whatever she'd eaten for dinner didn't seem to be agreeing with her stomach, either. No stranger to the sensation because of the stressful nature of the job, Olivia recognized the all-too-familiar pressure of heartburn and acid reflux, and hoped that the added discomfort wouldn't impede her slumber.
After brushing her teeth, Olivia went to reach in the cabinet under her bathroom sink for a new bottle of mouthwash when she clumsily knocked over several items. Putting them in their rightful place one by one, her heart temporarily stopped beating as she pulled out an unopened box of tampons, and she realized that she couldn't remember when she'd last had need for that particular product. Suddenly, everything came flooding back – not that she'd forgotten her whirlwind night with Elliot by any means, but rather the potential outcome of it had been pushed to the wayside in the aftermath of all the things going on at work.
Making a mental note to stop at the pharmacy for a pregnancy test on her way to the precinct tomorrow – or at the very least, pay a visit to Melinda to have her run a sample off the record – Olivia took herself to bed. As she fell asleep, she dreamed of a baby with dark hair and bright blue eyes, and had never felt more at peace.
Olivia's intentions for the following morning were shot to hell when she overslept. Grateful for having showered the night before, she attempted to get ready for work quickly, only to have her plans thwarted by a wave of nausea so strong that she spent several minutes kneeling in front of her toilet losing what little contents remained in her stomach. Once things had settled enough that she felt she could make it into the precinct without becoming sick again, Olivia brushed her teeth for second time, and headed for the door, opting to skip her usual glass of orange juice. There wouldn't be time to stop at the pharmacy, either, but if she didn't run into any traffic, she should be able to drop in and see Melinda.
For once, luck was on her side. Olivia made it to the medical examiner's office in record time. Even better, Melinda was free and able to see her immediately.
"Olivia? What brings you here today? Does SVU have a new case I don't know about? As far as I'm aware, no one has been brought in."
"No, I'm here for personal reasons."
Melinda's expression morphed into one of concern, and it was then that she became aware of just how pale Olivia's complexion was. Leading the Detective to a nearby chair she instructed the other woman to sit.
"How can I help? Are you sure this isn't something you should go to the ER for, or your personal doctor?"
"No. I need to know now, and I can't wait. I tried to get an appointment with my gynecologist, and they can't see me for two weeks. I don't trust those home tests, either."
Understanding immediately what Olivia was referring to, Melinda nodded.
"Okay. Well, how far along do you think you are? If you have a guess, that will help me determine whether I should run a blood test, or if we can just jump straight ahead to an ultrasound and see if anything shows up on the imaging."
Appreciative of the honest feedback, Olivia was more grateful than ever that she had decided to come to her friend.
"If I am pregnant, conception would have been just a little over two months ago. I could give you the exact date if you really needed to hear it, but I'd rather not say it out loud."
"That's okay, you don't need to. We'll definitely be able to pick up an image using sonogram. The only thing that will be hit or miss is whether or not the heartbeat will be detectable. You'll be able to see it on screen, it's just a question as to if it will be audible. You might need a transvaginal ultrasound to hear the heartbeat at this stage."
Olivia nodded. She wasn't going to lie, it was a bit of upsetting news, but the only thing that mattered right now was finding out if her baby – and she was fairly certain there was a baby – was healthy.
She was feeling a niggling sensation of guilt for not having said anything to Elliot yet, but the last thing she wanted to do was get his hopes up, only for both of them to be discouraged.
Following Melinda into the exam room - and only feeling mildly uneasy about the fact that her first ultrasound was taking place on an autopsy table – Olivia reclined back and raised her shirt to expose her abdomen. Despite the medical examiner's warning that the conductive gel would be cold, Olivia still couldn't help but flinch involuntarily. The temporary discomfort was immediately forgotten as soon as the wand passed over her skin, and a slow smile spread on her friend's face. Glancing over to the screen, Olivia saw what Melinda was pointing at.
While the image in front of her didn't resemble a baby in the traditional sense, there was no doubt that new life had taken hold within her body. Olivia stared in wonder at the screen, having learned enough throughout her years as a detective to recognize that the small fluttering dot in the center of growing mass of cells was none other than her child's heartbeat. Her child – her and Elliot's child – had a heartbeat. They were going to be parents together. They had rolled the dice and taken an incredible gamble one fateful night several weeks ago, and everything had worked out in their favor. After all these years, she was going to have a family.
Unaware of the fact that she was crying, Olivia accepted the tissue that Melinda handed her, along with a towel to wipe the remainder of the gel from her stomach. Using the utmost caution rising to a sitting position, it occurred to Olivia that she would need to ask her friend for not just one, but two copies of the photos that Melinda had offered to print for her to keep. Olivia still didn't know how she would break the news to Elliot, but knew she had to do it soon.
"Here you go, Olivia. Two copies. Now that I can see you are happy about this, and that this is something you truly want, let me be one of the first to offer my congratulations."
"Thank you, Melinda. I promise, I'll keep the other appointment with my doctor. I know I'll need to start taking prenatal vitamins and watching my diet and all of that stuff. As of this morning, I've already cut out caffeine, and I haven't been drinking any alcohol either – not since I first suspected there was the potential I could become pregnant."
Placing a reassuring hand on her friend's shoulder, Melinda squeezed gently.
"You're doing all the right things, Olivia. I can write you a prescription for the vitamins, so you can get started taking them today. And if you ever have any questions, don't be afraid to give me a call. Remember, I'm not only a doctor, but also a mother."
The two women embraced, then Olivia went on her way. Another piece of advice that she was clinging to was that it might not be morning sickness after all that she was experiencing, but rather that the food she'd eaten the night before had simply disagreed with her. Given that she was already so far along, with only a little over two more weeks to go until she was past the first trimester, it was very possible that she had been fortunate enough to miss that phase altogether. Either way, whether as a result of a bad Chinese or a case of nerves, Olivia's stomach was starting to turn somersaults yet again. Knowing she'd never get past Elliot's line of questioning should she be racing to the women's room every five minutes, she opted to get something in an attempt to settle her queasiness. Stopping to pick up a package of pretzels and a ginger ale from one of the vending machines on the way to her desk, Olivia made it to the SVU squad room just in time to avoid being tardy.
As luck would have it, Olivia barely had a chance to talk with Elliot all day. The case that had fallen into their laps found them pulled in two different directions. On a more interesting level, it also brought FBI agent Dana Lewis back into their lives. Elliot made no attempt to hide his disdain for the woman, and while she teased him about it at first, Olivia could honestly say she didn't fault her partner for his negative opinion. In particular after he and Dana were involved in an explosion that left Elliot with a concussion and out of work for several days. It was no wonder the man referred to the FBI agent as a jinx.
With Elliot down for the count, Olivia found herself temporarily partnered with Dana – and an increasing impulse to not refer to the woman by her previous undercover alias of Star. While she didn't quite share Elliot's opinion in believing that Dana was in fact bad luck, Olivia did have to admit that the woman had no idea how SVU operated. Then again, the FBI typically didn't.
All that mattered to Olivia was helping Haley. It had been more than obvious that the young woman had been assaulted, but trying to get her to feel comfortable talking seemed like a losing battle. For every ounce of ground Olivia felt like she'd gain, it was as though she'd lose twice as much. It didn't help matters any that the group Haley associated with was involved in some less than law abiding activities.
By the time the case had drawn to a close, Haley was dead, having been shot by Dana for refusal to step away from homemade explosives. Olivia herself was in shock, as she had thought she was getting through to the troubled young woman, and hadn't felt it was necessary to use deadly force. That wasn't the most unbelievable part of everything that had happened, though. No, Olivia had just been informed by Dana that she would have to go undercover with the identity of Persephone James – one of the women they had actually questioned – and travel to Oregon to infiltrate the ecoterrorist group that Haley had been a member of. Olivia's first instinct had been to refuse, but apparently that wasn't even an option. Neither did it matter that she already had a job, a life, in New York City. Before she was fully aware of what was happening, her hands were bound in zip ties and she was loaded in the back of a prison van bound for Rikers, with the promise that Dana would meet her there to arrange and bail and give her the final details.
As she sat in the holding cell, Olivia was overcome with a myriad of emotions. She knew how the FBI operated, there was no way she'd be allowed to contact anyone before being sent UC. The only thing she could hope for was to try and appeal to Dana's compassionate side. Talking to Elliot in person would be out of the question, but if only she'd be allowed to send him a note – something, anything so he would know that she hadn't run away again. A promise that even though she had to leave for a time, she would be coming to him. Both of them would.
Pulled from her racing thoughts when a uniformed officer came to her cell door and led her away, Olivia hoped that she would be taken to meet with Dana. Trying to remain in character, she feigned indifference until she was behind yet another closed door, and took her seat at a desk to wait. Thankfully, the next person to come into the interrogation room was indeed Dana Lewis, and she hadn't come empty handed. Placing a duffel bag on the table, the FBI agent sat down across from Olivia and began to explain the contents.
"I took the liberty of buying you some clothes – not much, just a few necessities that you will be needing. Those in the eco group live a simple life, and don't have much need for frivolities. I did include basic toiletries, all in environmentally safe products. Your new ID is also in the bag as well. When we leave here after your bail is settled, I'll be driving you straight to the airport. You should be in Oregon by tonight."
"Dana, wait. I need you to do something for me."
"I can try, but I can't make any promises."
Olivia had given up on arguing against her assignment hours ago, having convinced herself it was a lost cause. What she wasn't willing to give up, however, was the hope of getting word to Elliot – in particular about their baby.
"I need to get a message to my partner – and this isn't me asking, I'm telling. I'm not going to say where I'm going or what I'm doing, but it is imperative that I get word to him."
"You know the rules of going undercover – you have to break all contact."
Taking a deep breath and trying to maintain calm, Olivia tried again.
"I know, and I wouldn't ask if if it weren't of the utmost importance. Please, Dana, I'm begging you."
Dana Lewis' face took on a thoughtful expression. She also remembered the way Elliot Stabler had called her a jinx, all but pointing the finger in her direction for his having been injured again. If Olivia were to disappear without an explanation and he knew she were responsible, it might irrevocably damage any hope of a working relationship they had in the future. Granted, she realized that Olivia's partner would likely blame her anyway, but at least he would have peace of mind.
"I'll tell you what I can do. Write a short message, and put it in an envelope. I will have to read it to make sure it doesn't contain any confidential information about the case, but I can give you my word that I will deliver it to Stabler's apartment personally."
While it wasn't exactly what Olivia wanted to hear, it was better than nothing at all. It just meant that yet another person would be privy to her and Elliot's secret. But she was well aware that Melinda wouldn't tell anyone, and Dana wasn't the sort to go around spreading gossip, either. Right now, it was the only option she had to make sure that Elliot knew she was coming home to him.
"I'll do it."
Since Dana still had possession of Olivia's real wallet – she had been holding on to it ever since the Detective had assumed the role of Persephone James – Olivia was able to retrieve one of the two precious sonogram photos and include it with the brief note she had written for Elliot. Upon seeing that particular development, the FBI agent's eyes had widened, but she had wisely kept silent. It even appeared that she was less interested in the contents of the letter, merely skimming the words on the page for anything of concern before folding it back up and slipping it into the envelope. Once again, Olivia was relieved that her privacy would be maintained.
"Your bail should be arranged with the next two hours, Persephone. I'll be back to pick you up then. After I drop you off at the airport, I'll pay Elliot a visit."
"Thank you."
Back in her cell, Olivia tried to remain calm. Everything was happening so fast. She hoped that whatever she ran into out in Oregon, it would be resolved quickly, and that she wouldn't have to be away from her home for long. Aside from her most recent hiatus from the unit and time spent in Computer Crimes, her heart and soul revolved around SVU. It was her life's mission.
Thankfully, the remaining time passed quickly. It was no secret that most of the corrections officers here at Rikers were aware of her true identity, but thanks to a tip off from Dana, all were playing along with Olivia's new undercover alias. Though she almost forgot what name to sign to collect her meager belongings, Olivia did remember her current persona in the nick of time. Stepping outside the gate, she found Dana waiting for her by a nondescript vehicle, bag in hand.
"I hope you don't mind, but I noticed when I glanced at that letter that you wrote your partner that you haven't been seen by a doctor yet, other than your own precinct's medical examiner."
Olivia wasn't sure where Dana was going with this at first, but as she took that bag being held out to her, a telltale rattle set off the light bulb in her mind.
"I know you wouldn't want anyone else to know, so I contacted the FBI's own doctor, who prescribed several months supply of prenatal vitamins for you. Your handler in Oregon is also aware of the situation, and should you need to contact someone for more, or any questions about your pregnancy, they will help."
"Thank you."
There was something else about the bag, too. It seemed entirely too heavy, for what was just supposed to contain a few months worth of vitamins. Opening it up and peering inside, Olivia was surprised to see a small flip phone and charging cord. Looking up at Dana questioningly, the agent's face remained impassive.
"Was there something else you needed, Persephone?"
Realizing that the phone was something not to be mentioned, Olivia kept her mouth shut. She would have a way to keep in touch with Elliot after all – albeit sparingly. It would also afford her with a valuable lifeline, should she run into any issues medically. She wasn't expecting to be walking headfirst into danger – knew that if her pregnancy was truly at risk, she wouldn't be sent into the field undercover in the first place – but the added insurance policy of being able to call anyone she needed was a welcome relief.
Even with all the traffic, Olivia was at the airport sooner than she would have liked. Dana dropped her off at the door, and she made her way through security. A part of her was holding her breath, worried that the identification that wasn't truly her own would be flagged somehow, but Olivia made it through security without any issues. With a couple of hours to go until her flight, and not knowing when her next meal would be, decided to stop and get something to eat, now that her stomach had finally settled for the first time in days.
After getting voicemail for the tenth time in a row, Elliot gave up on trying to call his partner. In all likelihood, he knew she was probably still wrapped up in the case, truth of the matter was he was feeling lonely – not to mention bored out of his skull. Ever since he had sustained that concussion the other day, thanks to Dana Lewis trying to get him blown up, he'd been stuck at home. With the massive headaches still being so frequent, watching television was out of the question, and the same went for trying to read small print. It wasn't that he expected Olivia to be responsible for his entertainment, but he would enjoy her company.
A knock on the door captured Elliot's attention, and a part of him couldn't help but wonder if his partner had suddenly read his mind. As much as he hated to move, considering he had just found the most comfortable resting position he'd had in days, he was curious to see just who the visitor was. Never in a million years did he think he'd look through the peephole to find Dana Lewis standing in his hallway.
"What do you want?"
"Let me in, Stabler. We need to talk."
Elliot doesn't think he's ever opened a door so quickly, even during those times when he's been forced to break them down in order to gain access. Something about the tone of Dana's voice had left no room for argument, and his mind had immediately jumped to worst case scenarios. Though the logical part of his brain kept trying to remind him that if something had indeed happened to Olivia in the line of duty, it would be Cragen or another member of the squad who would notify him – or even the hospital, as he was his partner's emergency contact – the only thing Elliot was aware of in that particular moment was his panic.
"What is it? Where's Olivia?"
Dana entered Elliot Stabler's private residence, feeling an unusual sensation of anxiety. Judging by the way he was already reacting, the man wasn't going to react well to the news she was here to deliver. Figuring the best way to drop the bombshell that Olivia had been sent undercover was to rip the band-aid off completely, Dana reached into her pocket and pulled out the envelope she had been entrusted with.
"She wanted me to give you this. Before you read it though, I just want you to know that she didn't have a choice. She got wrapped up in something, and I had to make sure she saw it through."
His face a mask of confusion, Elliot snatched the letter from Dana's fingers. His hands shook as he tore it open, and an audible sob escaped from his lips as he not only read the contents, but laid eyes on the lone photo that had been included.
"She's pregnant? What the hell, Dana? You sent a pregnant woman away on a secret mission? What gives?"
"You have to believe me, I didn't know when I insisted she take the job. She had already successfully infiltrated. If I'd had any idea, I would have found another way. While I can't give you details, I can promise you that it's not an overtly dangerous mission."
"Forgive me if I don't believe you. Dammit, Dana, you really are a jinx, you know that?"
Dana looked at the man in front of her, so clearly broken, and realized that she was the one responsible. He should have been celebrating the fact that the woman he loved was carrying his child. Instead, he was left in a state of confusing, wondering when exactly he would see her again, and how many milestones he would miss.
"I'm starting to believe you may be right."
Knowing there was nothing more to say, Dana made her excuses and walked out, leaving Elliot on his own. He barely remembered locking the door again, only sitting on the sofa, looking down at the tiny grainy photo in his hands. Olivia was carrying his child. They were going to be having a baby. One night a little over two months ago that had been all about seeking comfort in one another, and ended up with them taking a gamble had resulted in them having something that would always unite them. Bringing the photo to his lips, Elliot kissed it softly, then whispered into the air around him.
"Come back to me soon, Liv. Please. Both of you."