Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

He slips out of the man’s grasp, racing through the crowded port away from him, but also farther from his own ship. He weaves and dodges through the crowd, ignoring the shouts behind him from the people he knocks into when he looks back to see where Zhao is. He can’t see him through the crowd, which he hopes is a good thing, not sure if he’d try to cut him off ahead, though he really doesn’t think Zhao planned any of this.

It’s not like Zuko doesn’t understand why he’s angry, he just thinks he should take getting outsmarted by a thirteen year-old with a little more grace. Instead he’s chasing after him like he’s some common thief rather than some who is technically the prince of his nation.

None of that matters now because he’s too far from the docks to get back to his ship, which is in need of repair anyways considering it was an old hunk of metal that was meant to be retired to begin with. Even if he got back to it Zhao would find him immediately and he’s not going to put his uncle in that position, seeing as he’s not officially banished just yet. He’s got to find a place to hide.

Of course in his myriad of thoughts, not one of them told him to look which way he was going, only realising he was running right for someone when he’s hitting the ground after crashing into them.

He looks up to find a tall woman with blue eyes and brown skin, she wears a mix of greens and blues, though she is definitely from one of the Water Tribes based on her appearance. She looks down at him with icy eyes narrowed into a killer glare, making him freeze instead of jumping up to continue running. It feels like an eternity before she does anything, her eyes looking over him before softening slightly, though not entirely. She holds out a hand to him, gesturing for him to take it. He hesitates, as he notices those she was likely speaking with are also looking at him now. After a few moments he takes her help, because he’s not sure he can get his brain to come up with anything else to do at the moment.

“You alright kid?” she asks, though she looks at though she already has an answer in mind as her eyes glance over to his bandaged eye and ear, no longer looking at him with a terrifying harshness, but with something much more like concern, pity.

He just nods, finally able to get himself to look behind him, he can see Zhao through the crowd though he doesn’t seem to see him just yet. “I have to go,” he says quickly. He doesn’t wait for a response before he runs past her while she seems to be finding who he was looking back for.

He doesn’t get far, someone grabbing the back of his shirt, lifting him off the ground with scary ease.

“Woah there,” a sort of jovial but deep voice says, likely the person currently holding him by the back of his shirt. He kicks at them, but they don’t seem particularly bothered by the attempted attack. “We’re not gonna hurt you kid, just chill out before Zhao sees you.”

That does actually get Zuko to stop and soon he’s being put down, turning to find a large man with bright green eyes, he’s a bit shorter than the Water Tribe woman but not by much. He’s likely blocked from sight by him, which is a good thing as long as Zhao hadn’t seen him before.

“Need some help?” a woman with grey eyes asks, she’s shorter than the other two, she’s nearly as pale as he is, and has fans folded at her hip, an odd choice of weapon, but it made sense somehow looking at her.

He looks at the three standing in front of him, trying to decide if he can trust them. He can see Zhao nearing in the gap between them though, he doesn’t have a choice.

“I can’t let him find me.”

Apparently that was all he needed to say because the man who he’s assuming is an earthbender scoops him up under his arm and runs without a single direction from either of the others.

____

“So what’d you do to piss off Zhao?” The man’s sat on a large rock now, the two of them well out of town. Zuko’s pretty sure they’re meant to be waiting on the two women who he was with.

“Blew up part of Ketu Harbor.” He doesn’t sit, because while he might be willing to trust them to get him away from Zhao he’s not looking to consistently be in arms distance to anyone that can probably throw him with how easily he’d been picked up.

“That was you? You’re like ten?” He seems more shocked than actually disbelieving, eyes wide at the claim.

“I’m thirteen!” He yells, wincing as he tries to glare at the man.

“There you two are,” The Water Tribe woman seems relieved when she says it. Behind her is the shorter woman from before. “We should go before Zhao catches up, Min should be done by now.”

“Go where exactly?” Zuko finds himself asking before he can think better of it.

“You wanted away from Zhao, right? We’re doing that. We have to go whether you’re coming or not, but I’d really rather not leave you here if he’s looking for you.” She explains rather vaguely.

Zuko should know better than to trust them, he has his uncle, he can go back to him. If he doesn’t though, his uncle can go home, he doesn’t have to take on the burden of dealing with him, of having to stay away from their home for him. He knows this could go badly, that if they find out who he is it could easily be safer to let Zhao find him. That’s probably the stupidest thing he’s ever thought, first because they won’t find out, second because Zhao is a power hungry creep that he doesn’t want anything to do with.

“Fine.”

____

For several minutes he follows them through rocky terrain, the island is heavy with steep cliffs, maybe because they aren’t particularly far from the Fire Nation currently, making the landscape more similar to the often harsh terrain of his home. This was the closest he’d been to home in the time since his banishment. He wards off thoughts of home, knowing he’ll never return, his father had given him an impossible task, he knew he wasn’t being given a chance, he was being taunted with something that would never be.

He doesn’t have to fight off his lurking memories long, when their ship comes into view, hidden in a cliff surrounded bay. He notices the sigil painted on the sails, a white fox. He doesn’t recognise it, but he knows what this group he found himself with are now.

“You’re pirates,” he says in a sort of awe. He stares at the wooden ship, drastically different from the metal ones he’s used to. It doesn’t look like the Earth Kingdom ships he’s seen, no it’s distinctly Water Tribe in construction. It’s narrow but with dual hulls and carvings along the sides, and it’s not like any ship he’s seen outside of drawings, it’s designed after the Northern ships, entirely different from the Southern ships he’s seen in person. Most specifically, it’s made for a waterbender, he’s sure of it. He’s focused enough on the ship that he doesn’t pay much attention to their talking or that another person has joined them until someone yells to get his attention.

“Kid!” the earthbender, again he’s assuming, shouts to get his attention. “We gotta get moving, you can sort out whatever’s going on in that head of yours after we’re out of here.”

He nods without much thought behind it, still a bit mesmerized by the ship. He follows the man onto the boat. The woman, who he’s now assuming is Northern, shifts the water under the ship, pulling it into the water with an ease that it’s clearly made for.

____

They're pretty far into the ocean before anyone starts asking questions, the island far behind them. Wind catching well, the small crew gathers from their posts for the time. He’s gonna have to come up with some sort of story, something close enough to the truth without being the entirety of it. Quickly he begins to realise this is what his uncle has meant by him jumping into things without a plan. To be fair to himself the only plan he came up with and actually went through with is the reason for his current position, so maybe he was better off when he wasn’t planning.

“Probably about time for introductions,” the waterbender says, looking at him with a soft smile. He’s not sure what there is to smile about, but she seems nice enough so he doesn’t question it much. “My name is Amka, I’m from Agna Qel’a, I’m the captain of this ship and little crew.”

“I’m Leki,” the grey-eyed woman starts, “I grew up on Kyoshi Island, I’m our navigator.” The fans he noticed before make sense now. He vaguely remembers his uncle talking about Avatar Kyoshi’s fighting style, the fans she often implemented.

“Min–” Zuko had seen her for a moment earlier, but he’d been more focused on the ship itself at the time– “mostly I’m here to steal stuff. Oh and I’m from Rangi, it’s a port town south east of Ba Sing Se.”

“Heng,” the man smiles with a slight wave, “I’ve lived in Shoi-ming for most of my life. I’m here to fix up anything that might go wrong with the ship.”

Zuko looks over the group, still not really sure what to say, though he knows he has to say something. He pulls his fingers through his awkwardly sitting hair, he’d pulled it down in hopes of Zhao not recognising him, but it doesn’t sit right with most of it still shaved.

“I’m Zuli,” already off to a bad start with almost saying his actual name. He’s really gonna hope they already know where he’s from by looking at him because he really doesn’t want to end up thrown off this ship and he definitely doesn’t know enough about the Earth Kingdom to lie. “I’m from Hari Bulkan, and Zhao’s an annoying creep so I blew up part of Ketu Harbor.”

“Heng, you weren’t joking?!” Min yells, brown eyes wide with excitement, “kid that’s awesome!” She’s laughing, a big smile pulling at her lips. “You know we definitely need an explosives expert…” she looks at Amka, her smile shifting to more of a smirk, “considering…”

Amka isn’t paying much attention to her excitement though, instead she’s staring at him. After a few long moments she lets out a vaguely annoyed sigh, and he’s not sure what exactly it’s about, because it’s not exactly the reaction he’d expect if she hadn’t known he was from the Fire Nation. “Is your injury from the explosion?” She doesn’t look happy as she asks.

Zuko shakes his head, he doesn’t exactly want to talk about it, but he doubts he’ll get that option.

“May I ask what happened, or at least how old the injury is?”

He tenses unsure what to explain, how to explain any of it. “It’s a burn, ma’am. My eye and ear are damaged, I’m not sure how they'll heal yet…” He doesn’t want to tell them what happened, he doesn’t want to talk about it, enough people saw the Agni Kai, no one else needs to know. “It was a few months ago.”

“Let me take a look at it, we’ll see if there’s anything I can do.” Amka gestures for him to follow, not waiting for his answer before she turns to walk toward what he assumes is the captain’s quarters.

He’s of course heard stories of waterbenders being able to heal, but he hasn’t met more than a few so he’s really not very well versed in if there’s anything one could do for him. Possible or not though, why would she want to? She’s got no reason to even try.

“She’s not gonna hurt you, Zuli,” Leki says with a rather soft tone. “She trained as a healer before leaving the north.”

He’s really not sure he trusts any of them, but really, he’s on a boat in the middle of the ocean with these people, it's not like they couldn’t just throw him overboard if they really wanted to.

He follows Amka into the room below the top deck, a large room that looks as though it’s used as more of a communal space than a captain's quarters. There’s a table in the center, chairs around it with piles of scrolls littering the top. Shelves line the walls, filled with more scrolls, books, various weapons, and some keepsakes.

She goes over to some drawers, pulling out bandages and a small pot which he assumes is likely a burn cream. “Just encase it’s not something I can heal,” she says, rummaging through the drawers. “Grab a seat, kid, be right there.”

He pulls out one of the chairs, it’s heavy and scratches against the wooden boards. He cringes at the sound, he looks up quickly, peaking around the chair to see where Amka is. She’s looking back at him, a bowl in her hands filled with the rest of her supplies.

“Min does that all the time, they are heavier than you’d expect,” she says as she walks over to the table. She empties the bowl of what she’d gathered, filling it with water from one of the pouches at her hip.

“Can you remove the bandage yourself?” she asks while pulling up a chair to face his, much quieter about it than he was as she lifts it slightly.

He nods, though he doesn’t immediately start to remove the bandage. He looks away from her, hands shaking as he reaches for where it’s secured. Slowly he takes a breath. No one but his uncle had seen the true damage yet, he hadn’t wanted anyone to, especially his crew. If there is any chance she could help though, even just a little, it’s worth it. He lets out the deep breath as he starts to unravel the bandage. Too soon to cover is gone, the air stinging the wounded skin. Looking up at Amka, he bites his tongue, not saying anything about the pity in her eyes. There’s something else there though, he knows it, because he’s seen the emotion too often, it’s anger. He presses himself back in the chair, not entirely realising he’s doing it until she speaks.

“I’m not mad at you, Zuli. I’m angry someone could do this to a child,” she sighs out, her voice not the strong booming tone it was before, it croaks and breaks, as though she might cry.

He’s not sure how to respond, because sure the punishment was harsh, but he’d been truly disrespectful, he knew better, his uncle had warned him. He spoke out of turn, he embarrassed and disrespected his father, the Fire Lord. He could have avoided this, avoided his banishment, if he’d not acted against his father’s wishes, if he’d not disappointed him – like he always has. His father hadn’t done it for nothing, he’d done it to teach him a lesson, one he still is uncertain he’s entirely learnt.

“I’m okay,” is all he ends up saying.

Amka wipes at her wet eyes before they overflow, taking a breath as he had before. She looks at him much more calmly now. “I need to know what the damage is beyond the burn.” She’s looking over the left side of his face as she speaks, though never reaching for him. “Could you cover your right eye and tell me what you can see?”

He listens to her direction, covering his non-damaged eye with his hand. He’s done this once when his uncle had asked as well, it hadn’t seemed to change much since. It was like everything was just sort of blurred together, he could see some light coming into the room, and that someone was in front of him, but if he didn’t know who it was he wouldn’t be able to guess. The rest of the room blurred together for the most part, not able to tell the walls from the selves.

“Everything is just kinda blurred together…” he explains a bit, wincing as he makes an attempt to focus on her, it doesn’t seem to help at all.

“Alright, don’t go hurting yourself. I’m not sure I’ll be able to do anything about the loss of vision, but I can get the burn healed some more, it’ll scar but you won’t have to worry about it getting infected.” She pulls water from the bowl, the liquid circling slowly in her palm, “I’ll assume you’ve had some hearing loss as well?”

“I think it’s entirely gone on my left.” He watches her hands closely, despite seeing her hands coming near at a likely purposely slow pace, he can’t stop himself from flinching.

“I’m not going to hurt you,” she says calmly, and he’s certain she’s looking at him, but he'd closed his eyes in his nervousness and now is a bit scared that if he opens them he’ll start crying.

“I know.” He breaths out, feeling a sort of cooling sensation at his eye and back toward his ear. Slowly he opens his eyes again, when he’s sure he won’t tear up. He finds Amka entirely focused, slowly moving a softly glowing water over his burn. Gradually the heat of it soothes, eventually all the remains is the tight sensation he’s rather sure won’t ever entirely go away.

Amka shifts the remnants of the water back to the small bowl. “You should be okay not to bandage it now, but I still think you should apply the burn salve, it might help soften the way it pulls.”

He nods, not sure he can find his words just yet, because before now his skin had still felt as though it was on fire, constantly. Finally he’s not battling the pain of it. He accepts the salve from her, carefully applying it.

For a few minutes they are silent, as she puts away the items she’d pulled out in the event they’d need to bandage it again, he watches her putting them away, keeping himself from requesting to still cover it. This was part of his punishment, the scar he’d bare for his impermanence. He had to shake off the thought process, not allowing himself to delve too far into the depths.

“Thank you, Captain Amka,” he says when he can finally manage the words.

Chapter Text

Zuko hadn’t really expected to stay with the crew long, he just needed to stick around until Zhao got sick looking for him and he could disappear into the Earth Kingdom, as much as he could at least. Maybe some nice Earth Kingdom family will adopt you. Honestly that was looking like a decent option, considering he was likely never going to be allowed home. He was aware of the situation, some days he was more okay with it than others. He was starting to like the small crew though. They didn’t look at him like a threat or a nuisance, he was just another person who’d joined them. He’d come to learn they’d had plenty of crew members who’d joined and left throughout the years, giving them a pretty vast network throughout the Earth Kingdom. They were always receiving letters whenever they docked for any amount of time, mostly reports of odd spirit world happenings.

Zuko wouldn’t say he ever was all that spiritual, more so than Azula or his father, but certainly less so than his uncle or mother. He’d definitely been a bit thrown into it with this group considering they seem to run toward any spirit nonsense they’re told about, though he hasn’t figured out why.

Min, who besides him is the youngest of the group, seems less interested in the whole thing on the surface, mostly because she’s usually more vocally excited about stealing from either military or destroying Fire Navy harbors. He’s come to find that she’s pretty knowledgeable on the whole spirit world stuff though, apparently Rangi is a heavily spiritual area. He’s thinking it has something to do with being named for Avatar Kyoshi’s girlfriend.

All that being said he really didn’t think that when he joined up with a pirate crew he’d end up in some forest chasing after some spirit. Chasing maybe wasn’t the right word, because he found what he was pretty certain was the mischievous spirit without much difficulty the moment the five of them split up. It looked like a possum wolf pup, and really Zuko was only basing his assumption that this was the spirit that had been messing with the people of Gaipan on a gut feeling. Truthfully the spirit should be much larger, but he’s come to figure out that spirits often look different depending on the person, the emotions around it.

“Is it really you doing all that damage?” He nears the small animal spirit, the creature staring at him with wide eyes. “If it’s something they’ve done to upset you we can try to fix it,” he offers.

Rustling in the trees quickly pulls both his and the creature’s attention. The small nervous chatter from the spirit morphs into a harsh growl as its form shifts. In the place of the small creature stood what looked like a possum wolf, though much larger than he’d expect, easily three times the size of an average possum wolf, which were already nearly the size of a person. A boy about his age drops from the trees, hooked swords in hand, coming down ready for a fight.

“Wait! Don’t hurt it!” he yells, and it quickly draws the spirit’s attention to him. He puts out his hands in a sort of show of surrender as the spirit lets out a low growl. “Everything’s gonna be–”

The spirit isn’t attacking but it’s focused on him as much as the boy with the hooked swords is now, his eyes narrowing at him in a sort of suspicion. “What are you doing in the forest?” he bites out.

“I was looking for that spirit,” he answers, not moving toward the swords at his hip despite the temptation when the other is armed.

“Why?” He asks, walking nearer, sword still out. He tenses as he nears, eyes widening in shock. “You’re Fire Nation,” he says, and if his voice wasn’t enough of a growl to begin with, the spirit echoes it.

Was that why the spirit was here? When they’d gotten the message about a forest spirit starting to go after people in Gaipan there had been mention about the Fire Nation military’s attempt at occupying the surrounding area, they’d been held off somewhat by the locals over the past several years, but there’s been a lot of blood shed with the Earth Kingdom military doing very little for the rural towns of the area. They’d had more difficulty since the spirit appeared, attacking Earth Kingdom villages around Gaipan, making their limited ability to defend themselves spread thin. If it was that, why had the spirit been fine with him a few moments ago? Why was it going after the villages? What spirits do doesn’t always make sense to humans, he started to understand that, so he may never know.

“I’m not– well yes, but I’m not here to hurt anyone. I heard about a spirit causing trouble and I just wanted to help.” He tries to explain.

“You can help by getting your military to leave us alone.” Zuko backs up as the boy nears him, one of his swords out toward him, as a way to force him back.

“I’m not part of the military.” He doesn’t need to get into his life story, and it isn’t really a lie, he’s not actually old enough to be in the Fire Nation military. “I sail with the Tiriganiarjuk, we just came to see if we could calm the spirit,” Zuko tries to explain.

“The what?” he asks, his face scrunching in confusion.

“It’s a Water Tribe word, it means White Fox. It’s a ship,” he clarifies, assuming that’s what he was confused by, he hadn’t known the word either. He feels his back hit the tree behind him. He doesn’t want to fight right now, it’ll only cause more issues. So even with a sword at his neck he doesn’t move to attack.

“Why would you be on a Water Tribe ship?” The spirit is snarling, circling the tree he’s pressed against seemingly feeding off their energy.

“It’s not a Water Tribe ship. Our captain, Amka, she’s from the North.” He’s pretty sure he knows what’s going on, the spirit isn’t angry, they’re afraid. More correctly they are probably feeding off the fear of the people in Gaipan. “We’re really just trying to help,” he says again, though he’s not actually sure they can help.

“You’re on Amka’s crew?” He asks, apparently recognising her name, even if he didn’t know the name of their ship. “Why would she let you join?”

“Well I was running from a Fire Navy captain, she and the rest of the crew kinda saved me,” he says, leaving out about as much as he has with the crew too.

That’s what gets him to draw his sword back, though he doesn’t move from his spot, still effectively cornering Zuko. The spirit stops circling, letting out a slight whine as it sits. He watches the other, who’s still glaring at him despite not outright threatening him now. Zuko lets out a slow breath, he’s not sure where the others are but he is very much hoping they show up soon because he’d like to get out of his current position.

“Zuli!” Heng’s voice comes from somewhere nearby.

“Where’d you run off to, kid!?” Min’s call follows closely.

“I’m assuming they’re calling for you?” The other boy is still glaring down at him, though he does back up now, the spirit not changing from its large form but it’s laying down on the grass, eyes closed as if it’s asleep. The brown haired teen doesn’t stop watching him, not that Zuko’s exactly surprised as he clearly doesn’t trust him, at least not entirely.

He nods, slowly stepping from the tree, not loving the feeling of being cornered. “Heng and Min–” Zuko risks looking away from him, toward where he’s sure he heard them, “is it alright if I call back? I promise they’re both good people.”

“I don’t expect you to have the best judgement on that,” he says with a slight bite, clearly not used to being polite with someone he sees as a potential enemy.

“They’re both Earth.” Zuko looks at him from the corner of his eye, he’s still watching him pretty intently, but he doesn’t look ready to kill him, so that’s an improvement. He watches the ever so slight drop of his shoulders at Zuko’s words, though he doesn’t fully calm.

“Fine.”

“Min! Heng!” He calls out in the direction of their calls.

It isn’t a minute before the two come running through the treeline. Both of their attention is quickly grabbed by the presence of the giant possum wolf spirit, who’s only slightly opened its eyes at the intrusion.

“That’s the spirit?” Heng asks, eyes wide at the creature.

Min isn’t nearly as distracted by the spirits, her eyes quickly leaving it for him and his new friend, “you alright?” As always she seems very much prepared to fight whoever she needs to, including some random kid.

“All good.” He confirms before gesturing to the boy next to him, “he was following after the spirit, this is–” He hadn’t actually gotten the other teen’s name.

“Jet.” He’s standing a bit taller now, not glaring at the two of them, though watching them a bit warily.

____

Jet looked at Amka like she was a goddess, like Agni herself had appeared in front of him, okay maybe not Agni, because he’s not a firebender, but still. The shift from his anger at him, to his suspicion at Heng and Min, to now was a bit hard to follow. He knew Amka was known, he’d figured out that much in their travels, but this, he hadn’t expected it. Amka and Leki were the only two with wanted posters that properly depicted them, Amka’s name the only one people seemed to know though. Heng and Min concealed their faces anytime they were doing something less to do with finding a spirit, which mostly amounted to the times they were stealing from the Earth Kingdom Military or blowing up Fire Navy ports. Zuko had taken to doing the same, though instead of fabric covering half his face he wore a theatre mask of the Blue Spirit, a way to cover up that his most noticeable feature, as well as his golden eyes which too often tipped people off to his firebending. They all had posters, but not knowing those under the masks made them more difficult to recognise.

“He’s like those people hounding actors after a play,” Zuko comments, watching as Jet follows the woman around, asking her a plethora of questions. He mindlessly pets the spirit who’s giant head rests on his lap, he’s not sure how he got on spirit-sitting duty, but it seems as though that’s the case.

“You go to plays a lot?” Heng sat with him, cleaning the gunk out of his metal leg. He'd been grumbling about the rain for the past few minutes, or more specifically the mud, since it always messed up his leg.

“When I was a kid–” “You are a kid.” The man says with a chuckle. Zuko glares at him slightly, though it doesn’t have any heat to it. “Yeah, sure. I used to go to plays with my mom and sister. My mom loved the theatre so she always took us wherever we had the time,” he smiles a bit at the thought, memories of better times, before he and Azula had been pitted against each other, before his mother had vanished.

“That why you collect those masks?”

Zuko had begun collecting masks from various plays; anytime he found one. It reminded him of the collection his mother had, the one that had likely been burned to ash after his disappearance. He always kept to the Blue Spirit one for his disguise, but he had at least ten now, hung up in his room on the ship.

“Yeah, I guess so…” He doesn’t look at Heng, he doesn’t really want to know his thoughts on him missing something that’s so connected with his life in the Fire Nation, with his family.

“You ever gonna tell us why you left? You clearly miss them.” Heng doesn’t sound angry, he sounds almost concerned, not in the sense that he thinks Zuko will betray them, more so in the way his uncle would sound when he was having a particularly tough time after everything that happened.

Zuko shrugs. He knew he likely would never tell them everything, not unless he had no other choice. A huge reason he’d chosen to cover his face entirely was their constant run-ins with Zhao, the likelihood he’d call him Prince Zuko, what them finding out would mean. Still they could know some though, the things that wouldn’t give him away. He liked the crew, he trusted them, he was just terrified of what them knowing the truth about him would mean, if they would hate him.

“My mother was gone a while before I left, and things had been bad for years before she left anyways.”

“Oh–” Heng was close with his mother as well, Zuko knew that he sent the woman letters all the time. He talked about her like she was the most incredible person in the world. The rest of the crew had met her, their trips of Shoi-ming always involved visiting her. With everything said, Zuko was excited to meet the woman eventually. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be, I’m glad she got away,” even if it meant we got left behind, he doesn’t say aloud.

Heng is quiet for a while after that comment, foolishly Zuko looks at the man, who’s paused in his cleaning only to be looking at him like he’s about to cry. He’s come to realise that despite Heng’s appearance, he’s rather soft hearted most of the time.

“You’re the Blue Spirit?” Zuko’s attention is pulled from the silence by Jet, who’d he thought was still following Amka around, but apparently not. “I’m right, yeah? You’re the only one small enough,” Jet says when he doesn’t respond right away. He’s not sure if that’s meant to be an insult or not.

“I’m not the Blue Spirit,” he deadpans, because while he might not be a good liar compared to his sister, he’s not actually a terrible liar. “They don’t travel with us–”

“Zuli don’t ruin the kid’s excitement,” Min calls from the deck above, looking over the railing, “besides, he finally stopped glaring at you. Go show him your little collection, Heng and I can watch the possum wolf.”

“Seriously Min?” he yells, glaring up at her.

“You need friends your own age,” she says, leaping over the railing to land on the lower deck where the group of them are gathered.

“She’s right, you only hang out with us, and you never mention friends,” Heng chimes in.

“We’re literally pirates! What friends would I have?!” It wasn’t like he hadn’t had friends back home, he had a boyfriend even, not that he was going to tell them that, but still.

“Exactly the point.” Min shews at the large spirit to get it to move, which surprisingly works, somewhat, as it flops over off of him. “Go on, have some fun.”

“Fine, whatever,” Zuko grumbles as he gets up. “Let’s go Jet, I guess I’m showing you my room.”

____

A somewhat tense silence is broken after not particularly long, before they even get to his room.

“How long have you been with the crew?” Jet asks as they walk through the wooden halls of the ship. “You just seem… close.”

“A few months, as I said before, they saved me, kinda makes bonding go a bit quicker,” he says, not bothering to look back at the other boy.

“You said from a Fire Navy captain, what happened?”

“Main reason? I blew up Ketu Harbor, well, part of it.”

“Actually? That’s amazing!” Jet seems to catch himself, realising how excited he sounds. “Why though? I mean I know you’re on their crew but you’re still Fire Nation, and that was before you joined them.”

He still doesn’t look back, but he can feel the glare on him, slightly distrusting. He opens the door to his room, “Zhao’s a jerk, and a creep, why wouldn’t I?”

“Because he’s part of your nation’s military?” Jet says it like a question.

“And most of this crew is from the Earth Kingdom, we still steal from the military here if we need to.” He gestures to the wall of masks, ten of them hung up above the small desk, “the collection Min mentioned.” He takes down the Blue Spirit mask, handing it to him to look at.

“So what, were you an actor or something in the Fire Nation?” Jet asks, looking over the mask.

“No?” He must look especially confused when the other finally looks at him, because he quickly goes to explain the comment, not that it ends up making any more sense.

“Oh, I just thought you looked like you’d be sort of popular…” Zuko’s confusion isn’t remedied with the explanation, only looking at Jet for something else. He’s not sure what to make of the way the other boy’s face seems to redden with his continued confusion, maybe he’s embarrassed about being wrong. “It’s not important, it just explains why you’d even be in the Earth Kingdom to begin with. We’ve had acting troupes travel through before, when I was little.

“I wasn’t in an acting troupe.” He returns the mask to its peg. He couldn’t give Jet the real reason he’d left, that he’d been exiled, it was too close to giving away his identity. There was one truth though, that even if it hadn’t been planned for he knew his father would make it happen if he returned. “If I hadn’t left home when I did I would’ve been expected to join the military. You can sign on at fourteen, my father would’ve never let me abstain.”

“You fight though, I mean you’re the Blue Spirit, you’re constantly going after the Fire Nation. If you didn’t want to fight for the Fire Nation…” Jet’s browning knit together, not glaring necessarily, but certainly figuring something out, the conclusion he comes to is incorrect. “Do you have an Earth parent or something?”

“I don’t have to be Earth to know this war needs to end, or that the Fire Nation winning wouldn’t be what’s best for the world.” He leans against his desk, pulling fingers through his lengthening hair. It's much shorter than it was before, but he’d been growing it again after cutting it when he’d decided to stay with the crew for a while.

Jet doesn’t say anything right away, he looks at Zuko like he’s analyzing him, deciding whether he trusts him. “You don’t have to be involved though, you got out.”

Zuko didn’t agree, he did have to be involved, he was born into this, he was born into the family that started all of this. There were plenty of people who didn’t have to be, Jet didn’t have to be involved, he could run, hide, go to a larger city, a safe city. For Zuko, well, he had to do something, at least until he could figure out how to really help, how to end this. Sailing with the crew of the Tiriganiarjuk, he was helping people, at least trying to. It was better than wasting away on some falling apart Fire Navy ship, searching for a person that probably died one hundred years ago. It was a point of honor, something his nation is sorely lacking, something he has to earn. In the end it wasn’t about having to though, he wanted to, needed to, he couldn’t just sit back and do nothing.

“I don’t want to see the world burn, just not being a part of it isn’t enough.”

____

“They’re rather attached to you,” Amka comments.

The possum wolf spirit had gotten into the habit of following him around in the last couple days and hadn't left the ship since they’d found it. It hadn’t shrunk back to its smaller form, but it also hadn’t returned to attacking Gaipan or the surrounding villages.

Currently the large beast is sleeping on his bed, well half hanging off it due to their size, having been there for the last hour while Zuko sat at his desk and wrote another letter he’d never send to his uncle.

“Not sure why, they didn’t seem to like me very much in the forest.” He’d already explained everything that happened to the crew, after Jet had left to return home, not sure of what their immediate reaction would be to the story, better off the other wasn’t there for it. It wasn’t Jet’s fault, he saw someone he thought was a threat, and in the end nothing happened. Zuko didn’t think he was wrong though, seeing as they had been a bit angered by the story.

“It would help if we knew why the spirit appeared in the first place, but seeing as they’re not aggressive now,” as if to highlight her point, the large spirit stretches in their sleep like any other dog, before curling up to be more on the bed. “I think keeping them with us would be the most effective course of action, as long as they choose to come along. We don’t have the power to entirely stop the Fire Nation troops coming in, but removing a volatile spirit will make it so these people aren’t fighting a battle on two fronts.”

“You want to leave.”

“We can’t stay in one place for too long, if anyone comes searching for us…” Amka trailed off, sighing slightly.

Zuko understood her point, they’d been running into more and more issues, having both the Earth and Fire Navies out to capture them. Zhao seemed to show up at the worst of times as well, they couldn’t risk him coming here.

“So we take the spirit with us?”

“We ask them to come,” she corrects with a soft smile. “I think it's best if you do it. Either way we need to leave soon, hopefully with the spirit, but bringing more troops to this forest will do more harm than leaving the spirit.”

Zuko just nods.

“Try to get some sleep, Zuli.” Amka looks at the possum wolf on his bed, “if they’ll give you some space.” She laughs slightly.

“Goodnight, Amka.”

Chapter Text

“Zuli! Heng! Cover me!” Amka shouts, readying to push out the ship with her waterbending. Leki and Min, already aboard, preparing the ship to sail.

Heng throws up a rock wall to block attacks. Zuko is quick with his swords, his firebending subtle as he cuts through flames, directing them away.

“Li get down!” Heng shouts, he drops without question, sharp rocks darting over him, he doesn’t need to look to know whoever was behind him isn’t likely to get up. He’s up again in a moment to block a blast from reaching Heng. Keeping the line of just barely using his bending is difficult, but anyone finding out the Blue Spirit is a firebender wouldn’t go well, so subtle deflection is all he can manage.

The ship is moving, meaning it's time to go. Rock pillars rocketed from the ground to send them level with the ship. They’re aboard in a moment, a much larger wave now pushing them farther out without the risk of the boat’s hull getting damaged by the shore.

They don’t slow, knowing Zhao and his men will be aboard their own ships again quickly, if they weren’t already, seeing as Zhao had disappeared when they retreated toward the ship.

____

“He’s getting faster at following us.” Min points out as she starts climbing the rope to the crow’s nest to look out for any Fire Navy ships following them.

“Zhao’s been after us for quite some time, he’s getting better at tracking us though, we’re lucky he hasn’t caught up before now.” Leki says with a sigh.

Zuko has to remind himself it isn’t because of him, that Zhao doesn’t know he’s with them, he isn’t after him anymore, well not really, he’s after the crew, the Blue Spirit, not him.

Imasu, the possum wolf spirit that’s become a bit like another crew member knocks him out of his head, quite literally as they hits into him. Zuko goes crashing to the deck, which seems to be happening a bit too often with Imasu around.

“Thanks for that,” he mutters, vaguely sarcastic about it, though he does appreciate it if he’s honest. They continue to nuzzle at his shoulder, doing so until he lets out a huffed laugh.

“You alright Li?” Heng asks, though he’s laughing a bit when he does.

He finally gets the chance to pull off his mask as Imasu plops themself down on the deck with their head in his lap. “Yeah.” He smiles, but he can feel it’s strained and Heng’s expression tells him he notices too. “I’m alright Heng,” he tries to assure.

The man sits down next to him, “you can talk to us Zuli, you know that, right?” Heng rarely uses the full form of his name, but he always seems to when something is important, or more correctly — personal.

Zuko lets out a shaky breath, petting Imasu’s head. “I know. I’m still getting used to that,” he admits, the laugh that follows it slightly bitter. He hadn’t meant for it to be and now Heng is looking at him like he’s gonna cry, he makes that happen much too often.

Heng gives him a sort of sad smile, “just keep it in mind, yeah?”

“We’ve got company!” Min yells down for the crow’s nest, ending the conversation. She follows the comment quickly, “on a scale of one to ten how bad would it be if Zhao realises we have a firebender aboard?”

“Let’s say a seven, why?” Amka yells back.

“We’re about to have three ships on us, fireballs likely incoming, not sure you’re gonna be able to hold them all back.”

“We’ll try to outrun them first. Zuli, get to the stern, keep an eye out, worst comes to worst take them down,” Amka orders.

Zuko doesn’t have the heart to tell her he’s not sure he can even do it, he’s out of practice to begin with, and he’s not exactly the best firebender. He doesn’t have much of a choice though so he and Imasu are running to the rear on the ship near immediately after the order. “Heng I’ll need your help, most of those fireballs are just flaming boulders,” he calls back to the man, maybe together they can manage it, though the boulders are as big as they are to make it difficult for the average earthbender to deflect on their own.

Amka urges the wave below the ship to push them, Leki and Min now working the sails. Zuko can see the ships now but they aren’t close enough to attack them, hopefully they won't manage to get so close. They’re gaining slightly, though it isn’t a quick thing, if they catch the wind right they should be in the clear. Even if Amka can help with her waterbending they are at a disadvantage when going against the winds. Temperamental as they often are, they are not in their favor currently, allowing the Fire Navy ships to continue to gain on them.

“How exactly did you manage this prior to having a firebender aboard?” he asks Heng quietly.

“Zhao hasn’t managed to get this close before, at least not while I’ve been a part of the crew, for a while we didn’t see him at all, it seemed like he was going after someone else.” Heng doesn’t say the obvious part, that he’d been going after Zuko, though for whatever reason he’d given up. He’d think Zhao knew who the Blue Spirit was if it wasn’t for the fact that he’d probably have already said it when they were close enough to be within shouting distance of each other. He’d use his secret against him if he knew it.

“They’re in range,” Zuko warns, his mask pulled on once again. Imasu growls, snapping as though they want to attack the ships, and truthfully they could use some spirit world help right now, though he’s not sure how to ask Imasu for their help. He doesn’t have the chance as a fireball comes their way, “just direct it down,” he calls out as it nears.

Heng has himself steady, standing wide as he punches down with what looks like immense strength despite not physically hitting the flaming boulder. It highlights the difference in their bending beyond the element as Zuko’s movement is instead quick and sharp without the hard strength the man has in his, sending the flaming boulder back slightly and down, crashing into the water just behind the Tiriganiarjuk. The crash into the water causes the boat to jerk, Amka having to account for it quickly so they don’t lose too much momentum, but with the wind still against them as they attempt to turn to get it onside, Zhao’s ships are much nearer.

Zuko can make out Zhao standing on at the bow of the middle ship, signally another attack. “It'll come from the left most ship,” Zuko says to Heng who isn’t standing far. He’s quickly proven correct as another flaming boulder soars toward them.

“We’re sending it back this time,” Heng says confidently, readying his stance.

Zuko doesn’t have time to argue, instead just following the order, this time he throws himself into a kick, more power behind it. The boulder doesn’t move as much as they’d hoped, crashing down between the ships. They don’t get the chance to recover much, the fireballs now coming at them are smaller due to the closer range, but they can be sent quicker, from more directions. Heng hits back the smaller ones with an ease Zuko can’t help but be a bit jealous of. Zuko chances them in closer as he protects the right side of the ship, making it easier to throw multiple down at once, he isn’t sending them back like Heng though, he’s pretty sure he can’t manage it. He watches as Zhao directs more men to attack the right of their ship, likely noticing his weakness.

Focused on keeping back the attacks he doesn’t notice the woman nearing, a large wave thrown between the now much closer ships, crashing toward Zhao’s with an immense fury. It gives them a moment of reprieve when the decks of the Fire Navy ships are drenched by the large wave. He hears a howl rip through the air, the wind picking up as it does, hitting their sails perfectly. Amka seems to notice it quicker than he does as she’s already working with it to speed them away, quickly putting distance between them and Zhao’s ships.

____

“Thank you, for your help,” he says to the large wolf possum spirit as it brushes against him.

“How likely is it they’ll think you’re just an earthbender with a weird style?” Min asks, attempting to make a joke, though sounding a bit like she hoped for that to actually be the case.

“Zhao definitely knows, he had them send more attacks toward the right when he noticed how sloppy my bending was,” he comments as he runs his fingers through the grey and white fur of the spirit.

“Sloppy? You didn’t let anything hit us, I wouldn’t call that sloppy, kid,” Heng jumps into the conversation.

“It was, my instructors would’ve–” he thinks better of continuing the comment, knowing the response he’ll probably get if he admits he would’ve been punished– “well, they definitely wouldn’t have been pleased with my performance. I’m out of practice.”

“You can practice whenever you want, you know?” Min questions, her voice soft in a way that nears toward coddling.

Zuko’s not used to it, the way they react to things, how they act when upset, how they treat him, all of it is odd, hard to predict. It’s rarely bad, never anything like home. Still, he can’t help but always be waiting for when he’ll finally mess up badly enough.

“We’re on a wooden ship,” he says simply, the main reason he hasn’t been practicing as often. Even when they are on land he doesn’t often practice, usually in an Earth Kingdom town, or close enough he could be seen. He doesn’t want to cause trouble, to bring more attention to the crew of the Tiriganiarjuk.

____

They don’t dock again for another week, hoping not to run into Zhao or any ships possibly under his command. It isn’t until they receive a message from a friend of Leki’s that they’d started heading toward their next port.

An island off the coast of the south western Earth Kingdom, one of those not technically a part of any nation, though more commonly lumped in with the Earth Kingdom than anyone else. They arrived at a small port, despite its size, it could be argued that compared to the island it’s likely a bit larger than one would expect.

“Leki, look at you! It’s been too long,” a short elderly man greets the moment they step onto the dock. “I’m glad to see you visiting home.” The man didn’t greet the rest of the group, though none of the others seemed particularly surprised by this. The most he does to acknowledge their presence is look vaguely surprised by the Imasu.

“Oyaji, it’s lovely to see you too. This isn’t a homesick visit though, I received a letter.” Leki pulls the folded paper from her tunic. “We didn’t have any trouble because of Amka, but the waters around the island and the Unagi– it was like it was said in the letter.”

The man, Oyaji, takes the letter, and he sees a look of curiosity quickly pass through annoyance and then something like resignation. “Those girls,” he mumbles with a sort of exasperated sigh. “I promise we have it handled, but seeing as you’re here you may as well stay a few days, I’m sure the warriors would love to see you.”

Min has him stay back slightly, walking a bit further behind the rest of the group. Heng looks back for a moment but is quickly shooed off. He gives a questioning look to Min as they walk. “Figured I should fill you in. This is Kyoshi Island, Leki grew up here, and was a Kyoshi Warrior for a while too. They aren’t the biggest fans of outsiders, so don’t take Oyaji ignoring us personally, he’s always like that. He’s too polite to tell us to stay on the ship, but he’d probably prefer it.”

“Who do you think sent the letter to Leki?”

“Probably one of the Kyoshi Warriors. I’d say Mingxia but she left a year or so ago, I think she’s traveling the Earth Kingdom now.” Min shrugs, “most wouldn’t ask for outside help, even from Leki. We’re lucky we didn’t have too much trouble sailing in.”

____

“Leki!” a chorus of voices shout, a group of girls dressed in heavy looking armored dresses and makeup reminiscent of the past Avatar quickly surround the woman. Zuko’s less distracted by that than the statue in the center of town, a large statue in memory of the island’s most known inhabitant.

He sees Heng at the base of it, looking like he’s offering a quiet prayer. Min leaves his side to do the same. Luckily Amka seems to notice his sort of fish out of water feelings on the whole situation and is soon by him.

“Do you know much about Avatar Kyoshi?” she asks quietly, looking up at the monument.

“Some, my Uncle spoke a lot of the Avatars, I didn’t always listen,” he admits. “I know a bit about her fighting style, but hadn’t seen it implemented in any form until meeting Leki. A bit of Kyoshi Island’s history, how it came to be.” He pauses slightly. “My mother told me about her and Rangi when I told her about Soma.”

Amka looks at him now, her eyes darting to his scar with a question she doesn’t want to ask. He decides not to leave her questioning.

“It wasn’t because of that,” he says without any more explanation. “Oh, and I know their most notable export is the Unagi.”

Amka smiles slightly at his last comment, “you know more than I’d expect. Is your family well traveled?”

Zuko doesn’t know what his face does at the comment, but he sees a sort of realisation hit Amka. He’d thought the question odd, there was really only one way someone from the Fire Nation would travel through the Earth Kingdom.

He doesn’t get a chance to respond, which he’s grateful for as he really wasn’t sure how to answer. “Li, come meet the Kyoshi Warriors!” Leki calls to him.

Chapter Text

A group of girls are gathered around Leki, all of them seem vaguely similar in age to himself. Zuko truthfully, beyond his interactions with Azula, Mai and Ty Lee, has had very little interaction with girls his own age. His schooling, prior to leaving home, had been at a boy’s academy, and even there he wasn’t exactly the best at making friends, Soma had been the one to befriend him in the first place. He isn’t sure he’d classify him and Jet as friends, sure they ended up getting on fine after their first meeting, but a few days of knowing each other didn’t really amount to anything. He should’ve guessed this would happen, Min had tried to get him and Jet to be friends, now Leki was doing the same with the Kyoshi Warriors. He’d argue that a decent few of them don’t look exactly excited about his being called over, the girl in the center of them glaring at him.

“Hello…” he says uncertainly as he comes to stand beside Leki.

“You’re a pirate?” One of the girls asks, sounding entirely disbelieving, her face pinched in question.

“Li joined our crew a few months ago,” Leki explains for him.

Zuko’s still mostly distracted by the girl at the center, obviously the leader with the confidence in her stance, even if she hadn’t been the first to speak. He can tell when someone is sizing him up, trying to figure out how he fights, how well he’s trained. He can see the girl analyzing him, noting his weakness, his weapon, his stance. She doesn’t trust him, that much is certain, but she clearly trusts Leki’s judgement because despite her analyzing him, she isn’t tense or nervous, she doesn’t believe he’ll attack.

“I’m Suki, I’m training to take over the Kyoshi Warriors,” the girl at the center introduces herself. Her introduction dominos into the other girls following her lead, and Zuko’s certain he’ll forget at least one of them.

“Girls you have chores to get to,” a woman dressed in a similar uniform as the girls interrupts partway through introductions. “You can chat later, I’m sure Leki and her crew will be around after you’re done.”

“Would they let me sit in on their training?” he asks Leki as the group disperses to do whatever it is they are meant to be doing.

“I’m not sure they’d lend you fans, but I don’t see why you couldn’t sit in. I’ll try to work something out. Why don’t you go find where Imasu ran off too?”

____

Imasu isn’t hard to find, not because they’re large, or because they were somewhere nearby, no Zuko finds them easily by luck, or more correctly, a feeling, like something guides him toward the spirit. Whatever the reason he soon finds the large possum wolf on the beach, their gaze focused out onto the sea.

“See something out there?” Zuko asks as he comes next to the spirit. He won’t get a vocal answer, the only time he thought he heard the spirit speak was when the name Imasu seemed to come through the wind the day they’d join the crew on the water. He looks out to the water with the spirit, trying to see what they do, understand their focus. He finds only subtly rippling waves, not calm but not dangerous either. It feels like holding your breath, the tension in your chest. The waves move like they are awaiting something.

“What is that!?” a girl’s voice yells from somewhere nearby.

Zuko turns to find the familiar girl, Suki, his brain supplies. She’s not paying him any mind though, no, instead she’s staring wide eyed at Imasu, who slowly turns from the water, letting out a low grumble as they find the source of the noise, wind around them picking up. He watches as Suki reaches from her fans on instinct at the possible threat.

“She’s a friend Imasu, she’s a Kyoshi Warrior.” Imasu seems to calm a bit at the mention of the past Avatar, their eyes softening from the narrowed gaze of before. “Suki, this is Imasu, they’re part of our crew.”

“You have a pet giant possum wolf?” she asks incredulously, raising a brow at him as she slowly nears, still keeping some of her attention on the spirit.

“They aren’t a pet… they’re a spirit. We met in the forest outside Gaipan, they were causing some trouble from the villages nearby,” Zuko explains. “They won’t hurt you, I’m pretty sure Imasu recognised Kyoshi’s name.” He gestures from the spirit to follow him as he walks up the beach to where Suki is. That seems to be all the go ahead Imasu needs because not a moment later they’re running toward the girl, crashing into her in a similar manner as they do to him. Suki doesn’t get a chance to avoid them, the possum wolf knocking her down before they start nuzzling into her face. “Well they obviously like you.”

____

“You were the one to send that message to Leki, right?” He asks as they sit on the beach, Imasu sprawled across their laps. The spirit keeps an eye on the water at all times, not napping like they usually would. The waves never pick up, always just slightly rough, and looking at them makes Zuko feel tense, like that feeling before a storm while on sea.

“I was hoping she and the rest of your crew could help,” Suki starts, her eyes narrowed at the sea. “For the past few months trade ships have been forced away from docking, the waves won’t let them, the Unagi won’t either. We’re lucky no ships have gone down, but it’s been a close thing. Leki said you didn’t have trouble getting through though, that the waves allowed you passage.”

“I’m not sure how much was the waves allowing it, verses Amka’s bending,” Zuko looks out at the water again, “I’m not as well seasoned as they are with sailing, before I joined them I’d only been on one other ship for any extended period of time, and I wasn’t nearly as involved in the actual sailing as I am now. It didn’t seem particularly rough coming in, but Amka is incredibly skilled. If there was anything she noticed she'd tell Leki, and hopefully we can figure out what’s going on.”

“Do you think it’s an angry spirit?”

“Maybe, that’s really not as uncommon as most people think, but there’d have to be something that angered it. Usually it’s something they’re protecting getting destroyed. We’re still trying to figure out why Imasu has stuck around, but they aren’t hostile anymore, so I guess we did something right by them.”

“I’m not sure what we could have done, but we aren’t the only village on the island. We’ve been in contact since everything started happening, maybe I could get Oyaji to send out a message…” A bell chimes from somewhere in the village, causing Suki to quickly jump from her relaxed position. “Crap, I did not realise it was this late! I’ve got training–” She’s up on her feet quickly– “Chiyo is gonna kill me.”

Zuko follows her up, “Imasu, think you could give us a ride?”

“What?” Suki asks as the possum wolf lowers themself for the two to get on.

“It’ll be faster. Also, I was sort of hoping to sit in on your training, if you think it’ll be allowed.” He admits as he climbs onto the possum wolf.

____

Zuko always enjoyed watching his cousin train, it had been what originally got him in swordsmanship. It wasn’t just his cousin though, he spent much of his life watching others excel at what they did, whether he wanted to follow in their footsteps or not, even on the ship, each of the crew have their own expertise. It’s hard not to admire people’s skill, their passion for what they do. Of course being surrounded by excellence isn’t particularly easy when you can’t match with your own. At least his dao blades are something he’s proficient with, even if he doesn’t believe he matches the skill of his cousin. Still it made relating the Kyoshi Warriors training a bit more understandable, that combined with the time he’d spent watching Leki train and fight with her own fans. Their movements are sharp but incredibly fluid, it’s a bit mesmerising to watch.

He sits there through their training, noting the differences in Leki’s style to theirs, the additions from her time with the crew, fighting alongside others with different training than her own. The warriors pay him very little mind for the most part, only those he’d briefly met earlier really acknowledging his existence beyond the occasional suspicious glare. It isn’t until after their training that anyone comes over to him.

Suki along with an older girl, probably in her late teens if he had to guess, make their way over. She’s tall, nearly as tall as Amka but with a slighter build. Brown eyes narrow down at him in an expected amount of suspicion. She crosses her arms when they finally stop in front of where he’d now stood.

“Chiyo, this is Li. Li, our leader, Chiyo,” Suki introduces, gesturing between each of them. “He’s new to Leki’s crew,” she explains. Zuko doesn’t lose his streak in not correcting that technically they aren’t Leki’s crew, instead he bows slightly in polite greeting.

“You’re what, eleven? Bit young for a pirate, what’d you do?” she asks, very obviously sizing up Zuko, trying to figure out what he could’ve done to end up on a pirate crew at eleven.

“I’m thirteen…”

“You’re older than me!?” Suki yells, eyes wide when she looks at him.

“I don’t think I look that young…” He says, though really he doesn’t have much of a defense, there were plenty of times on Ember Island that people would assume Azula and him were twins, not that he’s going to admit that to them. “I blew up part of Ketu Harbor and was running from–” it’s probably best he doesn’t use Zhao’s name– “some Fire Navy guy…”

Chiyo looks almost impressed, be it in a vaguely begrudgingly sort of way. “So what, you just ran into Leki?”

“Yeah, sort of literally. I was being chased down when I crashed into Amka. They offered me help and afterwards I just sort of ended up joining on. It’s been about three months since then.” He gives a sort of truncated explanation.

So, considering you're a pirate, does that mean you’re actually good with those swords?” The older teen asks, gesturing to the blades always at his hip.

Zuko knows a set up when he sees one, well from anyone other than Azula, she’s a bit too good at lying. Chiyo isn’t lying per se, but she definitely wants him to say something stupid, to gloat, to claim he’s the best. Zuko has of course never been the best at anything he’s done so instead he just puts on a polite smile and says, “good enough.”

“Perfect. Suki, you up to spar?” Chiyo asks with a smile that’s just a bit too big. He’s really not sure which of them is being set up here, but he’s certain Chiyo thinks one of them is.

“I was hoping you’d ask that,” Suki smiles, but it’s much more genuine, excited even.

“Would you happen to have dull dual swords? I’d rather not risk injury beyond some bruises.” He has enough scars from his own training and he doubts he’ll get much good will if he draws blood, “if not I have a set, back at the ship.”

____

He offers Suki a hand up, which she takes, despite looking a bit annoyed. “Where in Kyoshi’s name did you learn to fight,” she puffs out.

Zuko doesn’t answer where of course. “I’ve been watching Leki train for months, then you all for a couple hours today, you haven’t watched me fight at all, you’re kind of at a disadvantage here.”

“Well I almost had you that time, let’s go again,” she says, dusting herself off.

Chiyo step up from where she’s been watching, and Zuko can see the difference in here expression from before, sure she didn’t exactly look like she trusted him before, but that was just a way a lot of the people on Kyoshi Island are with outsiders, it wasn’t personal, now it’s him in specific, she doesn’t trust him.

“You’re a bender, aren’t you?” she asks as she moves to put herself between him and Suki, who’d backed up to ready herself for another round of sparring. Zuko’s not sure what tipped her off, what he’d done. She definitely knows though, because she wouldn’t be acting this way if she thought he was an earthbender. “I’ve seen Avatar Kyoshi’s scrolls, our fighting melds much of the styles of the other nations. You fight like a firebender.”

“Chiyo be serious here, he’s not– Leki wouldn’t–” Suki starts to defend, but he’s not going to lie. He gives a sort of shaky smile, a silent thank you for the attempt.

“You know fighting styles well,” he says, unsure where to go from here.

“That’s it? That’s all you have to say? You’re a fucking–” Chiyo’s interrupted by Min bursting into the room.

“Li! Finally I found you! Amka and Heng are trying to keep the waves back, we need Imasu and your weird getting on with spirits thing.” She doesn’t wait for an answer as she yanks him with her, only barely giving him a second to grab his sword from by the door.

Zuko doesn’t have the time to worry about Suki and Chiyo, what them knowing about his bending could mean going forward. He and Min are on Imasu in moments, the large spirit racing toward the beach.

Chapter Text

A wall of sand stands tall along the beach, Amka at the top of it fighting against the ocean’s power. Imasu doesn’t stop their stride as they reach the wall, scaling the near vertical structure with Zuko and Min hanging on for dear life. A howl cuts through the sound of waves, wind rushing out toward the sea.

“Pretty sure Imasu’s planning to go down there, you might want to get off if you don’t want to get wet,” Zuko comments, looking out toward the sea, there’s no uneasiness now, instead his skin buzzes with a sort of anticipation. “Take these for me, please,” he passes his dao blades back to Min. He knew she wouldn’t come, not because of the rough water, but she’s not the biggest fan of actually tangling with spirits. She takes the blades before sliding off the large wolf.

“He’s going down there!?” Amka yells over the still howling wind and waves, not having the time to look over. Imasu’s running at the harsh water before he can answer Amka, but he hears Min yell her response.

“Imasu’s with him, he’ll be fine!”

Zuko’s not entirely shocked when the spirit is running over the waves, dodging the larger ones as they rapidly make their way further out from the shore. “If you are gonna explain, now would be the time!” Imasu can’t speak, well Zuko’s pretty sure they can, but they don’t, haven’t. Zuko’s certain the wind whistling their name was them speaking, but they haven’t done it since. He doesn’t hold the silence following against them, because they can feel the excitement rushing through the air, they don’t have to tell him. Imasu knows this spirit, Zuko’s almost sure of it.

“Okay fine, let’s go meet whoever this is, hopefully they’re friendly.” For a moment he’s a bit terrified that Imasu’s friend is gonna be the Unagi, and he’s gonna end up drowned by a giant fish, but the possum wolf doesn’t slow as they pass it, no they continue on until the two of them reach a small sandbar that shouldn’t be visibly with the waves. Upon the sandbar is a small creature, at least compared to Imasu, Zuko only realises what it is as they get closer, a fox, just a fox. It takes him a few moments to notice the faint glow around it. Imasu lowers to the ground, eyes narrowing at the animal, a low grumble in the wind.

“You wanted to come out here, don’t start a fight now,” Zuko sighs as he slides down from the possum wolf. He swears he hears a chuckle in the breeze as it tosses his hair more into his eyes than it usually is, after months of not cutting it. He brushes it away enough to see before focusing on the smaller spirit.

Slowly he nears the silent spirit as waves still crash in the distance. “Hello,” he greets uncertainty. Zuko had only heard of fox spirits in regards to one place, by one person, someone he didn’t particularly want anything to do with. The knowledge seekers of the hidden library, the one supposedly hidden in the great desert of the Earth Kingdom, that Zhao was obsessed with. Why would one of them be in the middle of the ocean, causing all this havoc too.

“You’re one of the knowledge seekers, right? What are you looking for out here? Something about Kyoshi?” The fox’s green eyes focus on him now, rather than their harsh look out at the ocean. “You know who that is, I’m guessing,” he whispers to himself. “Are you the one causing these waves?”

The fox just blinks at him, he wouldn’t be sure they’d been understood if it wasn’t for the reaction before. “I want to help,” he tried to assure.

Slowly the fox nears him, circling him before they run in the opposite direction of the island, it’s only then that he notices the fog on the horizon. He takes the hint, hurrying after the fox. Being that they are on a sandbar it doesn’t take long to get to the other side, and the fog seems to disappear by the time they do, unveiling what’s on the other side.

“You’re trying to protect the island.” Looking at the gathering of three recognisable ships, large and of metal with the flag of Ketu Harbor, fire in the shape of mountains. “Not just from Zhao though, from everyone. Why?” He shakes his head, they’d figure that out later, right now there’s Zhao to deal with. “I don’t know how you’re doing this with the ocean, but you need to push the ships out.” He looks back at Imasu who’s rather far behind, “think you could help?”

Almost instantly the ocean settles, and little chirps fill the air, the fox spirit sounding annoyed as they glare at the ships that are quickly starting to approach. The spirit continues to argue, at least it seems like they’re arguing, while Imasu is huffing more by the moment, annoyed with the small spirit.

Zuko turns, looking away from the ships as anxiety weighs on him, the air suddenly stale, almost painful to breathe in, the feeling of something looming over him. He barely gets a glimpse at the gigantic wave before Imasu tackles him to the sand. The wave rushes over them, water jetting past, surrounding them. Imasu stands firm over him, the water breaking around the large spirit. Zuko’s not sure where the knowledge seeker has gone, if the fox spirit is safe.

Distantly he can hear the shout from sailors aboard the Fire Navy ships, their distress reaching him, even if their words do not. The noise is followed by the crash of waves against metal, then metal against metal. He can’t move to see, but he knows the sound of a metal ship in rough water. A horrid creak rips through the water, and Zuko can see Imasu shaking at the change in pressure as waves continue to beat down on the ships.

“Zuli!” A recognisable voice distantly shouts. Amka, she’s yelling for him, screaming. “Damn it all! I’m going to get him.” And the words all sound like they are coming to him under water, as if he wasn’t in a protected pocket of air.

____

He can feel the fur squished against him, taking up most of the bed as they usually do, giant head on top of his own, cool radiating from the spirit. He knows pretty immediately where he is, his quarters on the Tiriganiarjuk. He can feel someone looking down at him, but is unsure who it would be. Most importantly he’s no idea how he got here.

Zuko opens his eyes to blurry vision in a low lit room, as his eyes try to focus he hears someone shout, a girl’s voice he thinks, “he’s awake! Li’s awake!!”

Near immediately two blurry figures enter the room, one running ahead of the other. Zuko can guess the first to enter is Min, even if he can’t quite make her out.

He’s proven right when she speaks, “You’re lucky you’re alive! What in the spirits happened!?”

“Give him a moment Min, he just woke up,” Amka’s sturdy tone comes through.

Amka’s comment gives him the moment to blink awake his blurry vision, returning to his slightly skewed to the right usual. He finds Suki standing by his desk, keeping a vague amount of distance from him, despite apparently having been the one told to watch him, based on the chair that’s usually by his desk being by his bed he can guess she’d probably move when she realised he was awake. Unlike the warrior who very much doesn’t trust him, Min is half on the edge of the bed, half leaning over at him just to glare at him. She looks ready to chew him out from being stupid, even if she’d very much been the one to encourage his running into danger, not only this time. Amka stands at the end of the bed, he can’t read her expression beyond her vague relief.

“Suki, if you’d like to go, you may.” Amka doesn’t wait for an answer from her, even if she looks like she planned to respond. The waterbender’s tone softens slightly when she speaks to him, “I checked you over, you’re running warm, even for you, but you should be fine.”

That calm tone is jarring coming from the usually stoic captain, more so with how much it reminds him or his mother’s own. He pushes himself to sit up, ignoring the urge to throw up as his head spins. He earns a quiet grumble from the large spirit sleeping next to him, but Imasu doesn’t wake from their slumber.

“I’m really not sure what happened, last I remember Imasu was protecting me from a wave,” he says in vague explanation.

“You were muttering about navy ships in your sleep, we haven’t found any.”

“Zhao’s ships were out past the fog, I saw them.”

“Who’s Zhao?” Suki speaks up, having decided not to leave. She still hovers by his desk, keeping distance between them. He’s a bit shocked she’s here at all, but he’s sure it wouldn’t come out well if he asked her why.

“A Fire Nation Navy Commander. He’s been tracking us for a while, he was going after Zuli when we all met.” Amka explains the situations. “That’s why he disguises himself when we go after their ports, Zhao had enough reason to go after us already.”

“I think he’s figured it out, Amka, at the very least he knows I’m a firebender now. He’s been tracking us quicker too, we need to leave before he tries to come after us here again.”

“You’re gonna run? Come on, he can’t be that bad.”

“He’s worse, Suki. I’d sooner die than let him capture me,” Zuko claims, and he means it. If falling on his sword was the only thing that would keep him out of Zhao’s grasp, he wouldn’t hesitate.

Suki looks taken back at the claim, a bit disbelieving, but she’s smart, observant, she can tell he isn’t lying. She doesn’t agree, he can see that by her harsh pout, but she doesn’t say anything immediately.

“It won’t come to that, I won’t let it,’ Amka says with her sturdy yet smooth tone, as always it’s comforting.

“You really hate that guy, Li.” Min says it like she wants to ask, occasionally she hints at wanting to know more, the know why he’s alone, how he got to this point. Min never pushes, but he knows she’s curious.

Today isn’t the day though, he’s not sure when it will be. Maybe he’ll just let Zhao say it if he’s really figured it out, maybe it would be better. Instead he just shrugs, because him hating Zhao, maybe a bit more than the rest of the crew, isn’t new to them.

“You aren’t wrong though, it’s probably best if we leave soon.” Amka sighs, “I’ll go talk to Leki, hopefully we won’t have to deal with any spirits stopping us, it seems it’s been calm since everything happened.”

He waves off Min when she seems uncertain about leaving again, she’s started to remind him of how Lu Ten had been with him, always looking out for him, if a bit nosey while doing so. Suki stays when the other two leave, still hovering by his desk, though she’s inches slightly closer now. “So, firebender then,” she starts, she keeps her focus on him, clearly not wanting to turn her back on a potential threat. “Are you from the colonies?”

“No. I grew up in the Fire Nation,” he admits. It isn’t a secret from the crew, there’s no point keeping it a secret from Suki either.

“Why were you in the Earth Kingdom?”

“It’s complicated. I had to leave home. Afterwards I found out a friend of mine was serving under Zhao, I tried to get him to leave, to escape. That’s why Zhao was after me in the first place.” Zuko doesn’t want to get into everything, he can’t bring himself to.

“Why is he after the crew? Does he know you’re with them?” Suki glares down at him, “If you’re putting Leki in danger–”

“Amka was telling the truth. As far as I know he doesn’t know who I am, just that I’m a firebender. He’s probably under orders to track down the crew, we aren’t exactly known for leaving Fire Navy ports in one piece.” He’d picked up each of their wanted posters at one of the ports they’d stopped at, “in the second drawer you can find our wanted posters, they only know who Amka and Leki are. Heng, Min and I all wear masks.”

Suki doesn’t move, still not trusting him, not that he blames her, he’d lied, even if by omission. He’d sparred with her without being honest in what his training was, if he’d wanted to attack her she wouldn’t have known he could firebend. Her distrust now is understandable.

“I couldn’t tell you Suki, admitting I’m a firebender is pretty much asking for me to get arrested. I know you’re mad, I get that you don’t trust me–”

“That’s not what I’m mad about!” she yells at him, “yeah I was surprised, that’s the problem. Chiyo noticed just from how you fight, I should have noticed. She’s never going to let me live that down!” The younger girl pulls at her hair, letting out an annoyed huff before she continues. “You’re right, I don’t trust you, but I also don’t care that you didn’t tell me, I get why it’s a secret.”

“Oh,” is all Zuko can manage in response to her anger… well no, really it’s more like annoyance. There’s several long moments of silence before Suki moves, taking the seat by his bed. He just raises a brow at the action, as he’s not sure what would make her willing to sit around him now, at least while he’s awake.

“Do you miss it? Your home.” She asks after a little while.

Zuko hums sort of noncommittally, “sometimes.” He runs his fingers through the still sleeping spirit’s fur.

“But you can’t go home,” she says in a thinking out loud sort of tone. “Did you run away?” He can see the way her eyes look to his damaged one, and then to his ear, uncovered by his hair being pulled up. And for all her anger at not being observant earlier, she’s clearly not as bad at it as she believes.

“I didn’t run, but no, I can’t go home. My actions, according to my father, were dishonorable. He ordered me to leave, I’m not welcome home. I wasn’t sure where to go, luckily my uncle is not like my father, not since his own son passed, he helped me.”

“He kicked you out?” Suki’s eyes are wide at that, apparently not having expected that to be the case. “You’re not that much older than me, what could you have even done?”

Zuko couldn’t tell her exactly what happened, not without revealing himself. “I had always been far from the son he wanted. I think it finally became clear there was no fixing me.”

Chapter Text

]

They couldn’t stay on Kyoshi Island much longer, not with Zhao knowing they were there, and with the spirits seeming to have calmed, their presence was unnecessary now. So it was time for goodbyes, to set sail. In the two days since everything happened, more specifically since he was outed as a firebender, he hadn’t left the ship, Leki had warned against it. He wasn’t surprised to hear from Suki, that Chiyo had told Oyaji, that most of the town knew now. Suki came to the ship to say goodbye, she was the only one.

“Do you ever think that maybe you’ve found a new home?” the girl asks him.

He’s really not sure where she got the idea, but looking around at the people on deck, the crew he’s traveled with the last few months. He hadn’t ever planned to stay for long, he meant to go back to his crew, maybe actually attempt to search for the Avatar, even if he knew it was hopeless. He was supposed to want to go back right? He should want to return to his father’s side. He realises she’s right, he has found a new home.

“You’re pretty smart Suki.” He laughs slightly, still a bit shocked at the realisation.

“Don’t laugh after saying something like that!” She punches him in the arm, not really hard enough to hurt but the point is definitely there.

“I mean it, Suki. I do feel at home here, I don’t think I’ve ever really felt like this.” Zuko looks at the girl next to him, “Don’t let Chiyo tell you, you’ve done anything wrong. I know I might be a bit biased, but I’m glad you gave me a chance. I think you’ll make a good leader, Suki.”

“Thanks Zuli. Hopefully next time you show up I’ll be actually leading the Kyoshi Warriors.” She says with a big smile. “ And don’t be a stranger, I want to hear about whatever you get up to, Leki never tells me anything.”

“I’ll send letters, promise.”

____

They dock in Shoi-ming a few days later, a mostly quiet port off the coast of the southern Earth Kingdom.

“You grew up here, right Heng?” Zuko asks as they disembark from the ship.

“Sort of, we moved here when I was your age.” Heng starts, leading the crew down the pier. No one seems to pay much mind to their arrival, even with plenty of people around. “Before that we lived in Ordos, a village in the Shi Wong desert.”

“I’ve never heard of it,” Zuko admits, the only thing he knows of the desert is Zhao’s ramblings, his obsession with the spirit library supposedly there. “Going from the desert to a coastal town must have been a big change.”

“I wouldn’t expect you to, it isn’t on most maps.” Heng gestures to a shop no to far ahead, “that’s my mother’s shop, I think she’ll like you. She’s been asking for a grandchild for years,” he jokes lightly.

Due to the lack of attention they’ve been getting, when he feels eyes on them it’s hard not to notice. He finds the source quickly, a boy, probably a few years older than him, watching them from the top of a nearby building. He looks back toward the rest of the crew, seeing if any of them have noticed. It’s only then that he realises the teen on the roof isn’t watching them, he’s watching him.

“Ma,” Heng calls as they walk into the shop, as they do the feeling of eyes disappears.

A short woman appears from behind one of the many shelves, she’s probably his uncle’s age, maybe a little older. Her skin is a warm tan color like her son, her eyes a deep brown, and she wears a scarf that carefully covers her hair and shoulders, in a way he’s seen a few times while traveling the Earth Kingdom. Her eyes find Heng almost immediately, a warm smile appearing on her lips as she quickly puts down the box she was unpacking. She makes it over to her son quickly, holding his face in her hands, pulling him down to her height to kiss his cheek.

She pulls back, looking Heng over, “you look tired.” A slight frown comes over her face, but it isn’t there long, as her gaze flicks past Heng, her eyes now on him. “Who’s this?”

“This is Zuli, he joined us a few months ago.” Heng moves a bit to gesture back at him. “Zuli, this is my mother, Hua,” he introduces.

Zuko’s not exactly used to the attentions of a doting mother, at least not in how Hua is. His mother cared for him of course, but she had a role to play, just like he had. She cared for him, protected him when she could, but her love was often quiet, subtle, reserved. Hua was so different from how he expected, but maybe her vocal love was the reason Heng seems much more open himself.

“Oh Zuli, there’s a boy a bit older than you that helps me in the shop, I could see if he’d like to show you around town, I’m sure you’d like to hang out with someone a bit closer to your own age,” Hua comments as she works at the stove, he’s not sure what she’s making, but it smells nice and Zuko’s learnt to be a bit less of a picky eater in the last few months. He’d offered to help, but Hua had pretty quickly declined, only roping in Heng to help with the cooking.

Heng, who’s folding what looks to be dumplings, is quick to jump into the conversation, “Shun’s still working for you?” The earthbender is very much not accustomed to hiding his emotions, and with the way his face pinches saying the boy’s name it’s obvious he’s not the biggest fan.

“Don’t give me that face, Heng,” the older woman scolds.

“I just don’t think it’s a good idea to introduce them,” Heng says, in a tone that very much feels like he’s trying the hint at something, Zuko’s not sure what it could be, but Hua seems to understand what he’s trying to convey after a moment.

“I doubt he’ll have an issue with someone who isn’t even old enough to be a soldier.”

The comment makes things make a lot more sense, enough that Zuko feels comfortable speaking up, “I’d rather not chance making someone uncomfortable.” He’d also rather not have someone screaming firebender in the middle of town, besides, he likes being with the crew.

“He’ll be working in the later today so if you do decide you’d like to meet him you always can, it’s up to you of course,” Hua offers before going back to her cooking.

____

“You don’t have any cold weather clothes,” Amka comments seemingly out of the blue while they’re sitting in the small living room of Heng’s home. She looks up from her map at him for a moment, “that’s one of Min’s coats.”

Amka’s right in her observation, he’d borrowed Min’s coat when he realised the weather in Shoi-ming was colder than he’d expected it to be. “I asked her if I could borrow it,” he says, his tone unexpectedly defensive. He winces a bit at his own voice, looking at Amka with widened eyes, “Sorry, I didn’t–” He closes his eyes when he sees her hand raise, awaiting what’s sure to come.

“Zuli,” her tone is softer than usual, “look at me.”

He does as directed, finding the woman’s blue eyes looking at him with his most hated emotion, pity. That’s what it is, sure people want to call it care, but it’s never felt that way to him. It feels like they’re looking down on him, like they think he’s some helpless child. He doesn’t argue the look though, now he waits for what Amka will say, what his punishment will be.

“I’m not mad and I know you wouldn’t take Min’s coat without asking.” She’s sitting in the same place she was before, she looks back down at the maps spread across the table, a letter on the top of them.

Zuko feels himself letting out a breath he hadn’t realised he was holding. He doesn’t move from where he’s sitting, looking at the upside down letter, he’s never been particularly adept at reading Watertribe script so he doesn’t make much of an attempt to read it.

“We’ll be heading farther south and with it going into winter you’ll need warmer clothes of your own.” Amka says after a little while, not looking up from her maps. “Min’s going out to get supplies later, you can go with her.” She turns the letter around to face where he’s sat on the other side of the low table. “The letter is from Chief Hakoda, he’s an old friend. We’ll be bringing him supplies for the coming winter.”

He looks down at the letter more earnestly now, he can’t make out what most of it says, but he picks up a few things. The words fire, ship, spouse, something about his children, and fleet. It’s not really enough to understand what it’s saying, all he really gets out of it are his wife and children’s names, Kya, Katara, and Sokka. “I don’t understand most of it,” he admits after a minute of trying to decipher the words.

“You understand some of it though?” Amka asks, sounding surprised considering she’d turned the letter to him in the first place. “I thought you just might not have seen much Watertribe script.”

Zuko realises much too late that it doesn’t make sense for him to understand any of it, Amka mostly uses Earthen script as that’s where most of the crew is from, he hadn’t seen nearly anything beyond a few books on the ship in it. She’d know that if he knew any of it he would have learnt it before joining them. “Really not a lot,” he says, looking down at the letter again. He’s figured out a bit more of it from the longer glance, remembering a few words from his lessons, but trying to understand everything isn’t happening. He does figure out what the mention of fire was, a Fire Navy ship. He knows why that would make sense, he remembers seeing a report about it, one to his father soon after he took the throne, saying that the Southern Watertribe would no longer be an issue. A few things in the letter make more sense with the context. “He’s having us bring supplies because he’s forming a fleet. He mentions a Fire Navy ship…” Zuko’s eyes widen as he figures out the words that follow about his wife.

“Want to tell me why you know Watertribe script?” she asks, likely seeing he’d figured out what it said.

“My cousin tried to teach me, before…” he doesn’t finish the statement. “He said it would be important to know, he’s the reason I know Earthen script, it’s more similar to Fire script so I don’t struggle with it as much,” Zuko is mostly honest in his explanation, just not including why his cousin said it was important.

“That’s… not how I expected you to answer,” Amka says with a slight laugh. She looks up at him properly now, folding her hands in front of her as she leans on the table. “I was going to talk to you about this later, but suppose now is okay. What do you know about the Southern Watertribe?”

“The Southern Watertribe isn’t exactly taught about much in Fire Nation schools…” he says, really not sure how much he should know, what he knows from school versus what he’s overheard in the palace are two very different things.

Amka doesn’t look shocked exactly, but she does raise her brow as if questioning his answer. When he doesn’t say more after a few moments she decides to speak. “I guess I shouldn’t be too surprised,” she says with a quiet sigh. “It’s likely many of the people there will recognise you as Fire. For most of the war the Fire Nation has been sending ships to the Southern Watertribe to capture their waterbenders. That was the case for decades, until two years ago. In their last raid, they attacked Wolf Cove, one of the many scattered villages in the South Pole. Kya, Hakoda’s wife was killed.”

Zuko hopes his realisation reads as shock, the talk in the palace, of the Southern Watertribe no longer being an issue, it makes sense now. If there were no more waterbenders in the South Pole, it was unlikely they’d be mounting much of a counter attack. They were wrong, of course, considering Hakoda’s mention of a fleet in his letter. “He plans to fight,” Zuko comments, pointing toward the end of the letter.

“You would, wouldn’t you?” Amka asks, a bitter sort of smile at her lips.

“Yeah.”

____

“Come on Zuzu!” Min sing-songs from the doorway.

Zuko freezes, come on Zuzu! A younger Azula stands at the doorway of his room, waving at him to follow her with a mischievous grin. He shakes off the memory, Min standing where Azula was a moment ago. “Coming.” He turns to Imasu who raises their head when he goes to leave, looking as though they’ll want to follow, but with a puffed breath they settle back down. They’d been having Imasu stay on the ship since they arrived, trying not to draw too much attention.

“You good?”

“Yeah, just…” he decides it’s better not to explain, “ready to go?” he decides to ask instead.

Min gives him a look that he knows means they’ll likely talk about this later, or at the very least she won’t be forgetting his reaction to the nickname anytime soon. “Yup! We’ve got a load of stuff to get, including some clothes so you can stop wearing my hand-me-downs.”

Zuko looks down at his outfit, all consisting of things he’d gotten from Min. Leki had offered to get him clothes before but it didn’t seem all that important when he’d just be getting the same sort of things as Min had given him; he hadn’t exactly been planning to stay for this long. The coat was one she wore often though, so the fact that Amka noticed it was hers made sense. “I really only need a coat.” If his father could see him now he’d probably be disappointed, his son, Prince of the Fire Nation in some old clothes from an Earth Kingdom pirate. Maybe he should be concerned about it, but it’s far from the worst thing he’s done since joining this crew. Besides, it was rare his father wasn’t disappointed in him, he’d never been a model prince.

“You’re fine wearing a girl’s old clothes?” Min questions, it’s not a joke in the slightest, instead she looks genuinely surprised by the possibility.

“They’re just clothes…”

“That they are.” Min smiles, linking her arm in his as she pulls him down the street.

____

“My arms are gonna fall off,” Min groans as they load crates onto the ship. “Where’s Heng when you need him,” she complains, despite not seeming to actually be struggling. “You know Imasu, you could help,” she says, looking over at the half asleep spirit. They puff out a bit of air at her, ruffling her dark hair.

“We’re almost done.” Zuko says picking up the last of the crates from the dock.

“We would’ve been done quicker with help…” Min mutters, though she seems to be talking to Imasu as she ruffles to possum wolf’s fur in retaliation for her own. “Don’t look at me like that Imasu, you started it,” she scolds with a joking glare.

“We’re bringing a lot down south,” he comments, adding the last of the crates to the pile on deck.

“Yeah, some of it’s for the villages, getting through winter is tough. The rest is for their fleet, supplies and such. Hakoda and the rest of the council have been putting together their list for about a year now, having us bring it down when we’re in the area,” Min explains.

“What’s he like? Chief Hakoda, I mean.”

“I don’t know much, Amka and Leki usually talk to him. He seems like a good leader. He’s older than Heng and I, but younger than Amka and Leki, so despite his position he deals with a lot of pushback from what Amka has said. I guess some of the older men on the council thought he’d go along with them more often, but he seems to manage to sway people his way. Amka and him are close, act almost like siblings, she’s known him for a while.” Min’s laying against Imasu now, her eyes closed, “You’ll probably like his kids, they’re about your age.”

Zuko hums slightly in response, “Do you know if Amka is still at Heng’s place?”

“Not sure, I think her and Leki were going to have a date night since we’ll be here for a few days. If you’re going over, bring back some of Ms. Hua’s dumplings.”

____

“Just a minute!” a voice calls from somewhere in the shop when Zuko walks in, the bell on the door chiming. He doesn’t recognise it, heading toward the back of the shop where the stairs to Hua’s apartment are.

“I’m a friend of Heng’s, I was just heading up to see him,” Zuko says so whoever it is knows they don’t have to stop what they’re doing to help him. As he nears the back he sees a boy among the shelves, who turns to him when he passes. Green eyes lock onto him in a way that he knows means the other is debating if he’s a threat, a moment later there’s almost a look of realisation, one he’d think would wash away the suspicion, but it doesn’t seem to.

“You must be Zuli,” he says his name like it’s sand on his tongue. “Ms. Hua mentioned you.” He stands from where he was stocking a lower self, a wary gaze down at Zuko.

Zuko’s been surrounded by people who don’t like him for most of his life, whether it is jealousy, a belief he isn’t good enough, or actual hatred — this is nothing new. But for some reason he has to force himself not to cower at the way the older teen seems to use his height to be imposing, looking down his nose at him with a harsh gaze.

“You’re Shun,” he realises aloud. It’s not hard to see why Heng wouldn’t like the teen, unlike Heng who does everything to not seem as frankly terrifying as he could be, Shun seems to revel in it. He remembers seeing him though, when they’d first arrived. “You were the one watching us earlier, from the roof across the street.” Zuko doesn’t accuse him of watching himself in specific, even if he knows that’s the case.

“I was at the docks when you came in.” Shun steps past the box he had been unpacking, it’s barely a move forward but it feels like he’s on top of him. “I know Heng is soft but I didn’t think he was stupid.” Zuko’s not sure how he’s managing it, the ability to intimidate others has never come naturally to him, but that seems not to be the case for the earthbender in front of him. He’s stared down generals with less fear inching in, spoken out against them, look where that got you, his brain chastises.

“Heng isn’t stupid,” Zuko bites out, in the way a wounded animal would, scared and angry. He can’t fight here, he can’t do that to Heng or Hua, he has to talk his way out of this. “He helped me. I was in trouble, him and the rest of the crew are the only reason I’m not dead or rotting in a cell on some Fire Navy ship.”

“You actually made them believe that you were some kid in danger,’ he scoffs. Zuko takes a step back as he takes one forward. “I’ve seen eyes like yours, I know a monster when I see one.”

Zuko winces at the words, because he’s not entirely wrong, sure Zhao might have captured him, but it wouldn’t have been forever, he couldn’t prove what he’d done, his uncle would’ve gotten him out. As for the monster bit, how can he blame someone who suffered at his family’s hand, his nation’s hand for believing that, after all he’s seen in the last three months. He doesn’t respond to his claims, instead gesturing toward the stairs, “I’m leaving.”

“You’re not going anywhere!” he yells, the earthen floor locking around Zuko’s ankles.

“Shun!?” Heng’s voice comes from upstairs, followed by footsteps quickly down the stone steps.

The earth trapping him falls away immediately, but Zuko can’t bring himself to move, eyes wide at the older teen a few feet away from him. He vaguely registers Heng’s voice, though he’s not sure what he’s saying, whatever it was, it causes Shun to argue with him, yelling following the man’s comment. Words only seem to come in when Heng is standing in front of him.

“-come on kid.” Zuko blinks up at the man, “Zuli, are you alright?”

“He’s playing you Heng, he’s a fucking ashmaker!” Shun yells.

“Shut up Shun before I throw you out of the shop!” Heng barks at the younger earthbender. Zuko had never heard Heng properly angry before, oddly enough he didn’t find it scary, probably because when the man looked back at him his expression was soft as always. “You with me?”

Zuko nods a bit belatedly, trying to figure out what happened that he’d zoned out so badly. He blinks a few more times, rubbing his eyes to try to rid the odd drowsiness that had come over him. It felt like after crying, a bone deep tired, but his eyes are dry. “I didn’t mean to cause any problems,” he sighs, honestly feeling more annoyed at himself for how he reacted than anything else. Why was he scared? He could take some random earthbender. He hadn’t wanted to cause trouble for Hua though, for Heng, for the crew. He didn’t know what to do. He was powerless.

He looks up at him from his knees, fire coming toward him, his pleas ignored. He couldn’t fight back, he was powerless.

He’d deserved it. Then and now. Neither of them were wrong. Shun had a right to be angry. His father had a right to be angry.

“It’s not your fault kid, go on upstairs, ma’s got a load of dumplings with your name on them,” Heng waves him to go up. Zuko stops his stride up the stairs when he hears Heng speaking. “What is wrong with you Shun, he’s a kid!”

“Please, he’s probably some deserter Heng, just because he’s a coward doesn’t mean he’s not a monster like the rest of them,” he argues back.

“He’s not old enough to be in their army,” Heng states with an attempt at a calm tone. “Even if he was, he was terrified when we first met him, and he’s clearly not been left unscathed by his own people. He’s not some villain, Shun.” Zuko can’t hear the response, if there is one, but he hears Heng speak again a few moments later, “he’s a kid, just like you were, just like you still should be.”

“Don’t expect me not to tell you I told you so when he gets you killed, Heng.”

Chapter Text

“Are you going to stand there all day or are you going to actually say something?” Zuko questions, looking back at the older teen standing a few feet behind where he’s sat on the dock.

“I don’t trust you,” Shun states, glaring down at him. Zuko just waits for him to continue, assuming that’s not all he’s come to say. “Ms. Hua helped me out when I moved here, I was a mess after Ba Sing Se.”

His anger wasn’t something Zuko really blamed him for before, he’s seen enough of the devastation his nation has caused to not be entirely offended by someone not liking him on the basis of being Fire. It's not as if any of them know it, but he certainly deserves their ire more than your average Fire Nation citizen. Still, it makes even more sense knowing he was at Ba Sing Se, he’d read updates from his Uncle during the siege, he’d heard more truthful recounts of it in their months on his ship. Shun is a few years older than him, it was probably his first and maybe only battle, Zuko isn’t shocked it would make some leave their service.

“I don’t want to see them hurt, and all you people do is hurt.” Shun says, hand clenched into fists at his side. “And looking at you, it’s infuriating.” Zuko gives him a look trying to tell him to explain, he’s not sure saying anything would help, not right now. “I’ve seen plenty of Fire Nation soldiers, firebenders. But you look like the fucking Fire Nation’s poster boy!” He shouts, throwing up his arms. Zuko sees the way his eyes flit to his scar, green eyes narrowing as they focus on it. “Except for that. None of them had something like that, marred by their own fire, proof that even ashmakers aren’t impervious to burning like the rest of us.”

He’s getting a bit tired of the teen’s rant, his own gaze narrowing at him, “is there a point you’re trying to make?” he bites out, and he’s glad the crew doesn’t hear it because he sounds much too like his sister. His sharp tone seems to shock the earthbender though, if the way he straightens himself to his full height is anything to go by.

“There’s all these rumors about how firebenders can’t burn, really make you all seem a lot scarier than you are. But looking at you, I could crush you if I wanted, or sink you into the ground and let you suffocate. You couldn’t do anything to stop me, and yet… I was always terrified of monsters like you.”

“I’m sure you feel real big, facing down someone not even old enough for the military,” Zuko mocks. He's up in a second, avoiding the sharp rocks now embedded into the wooden pier. There’s not a chance to retaliate, as a mass of grey and white fur leaps in front of him. He hadn’t called for Imasu, he hadn’t even thought about asking for the spirit’s aid, not for this, and yet they came, like they had sensed he was in trouble.

The spirit’s eyes lock onto Shun, their growl followed by harsh gusts of wind. Imasu lowers themselves into a crouch, warning against another attack.

“What the hell is that!?”

Apparently Imasu takes Shun’s shocked yelling as cause enough, wind rushing the earthbender, knocking him both from his stance and into the water at the end of the pier. He crashes into the water with a splash and Zuko knows he shouldn’t wait around to see what he does when he gets out.

“We’ve gotta go,” Zuko says quickly before leaping onto Imasu, who books it back toward the ship.

____

“How long will it be until we get to the Southern Water Tribe?” He’s looking at their current route, they won’t be making any stops between Shoi-ming and Wolf’s Cove. He’d not been that far south before, Ketu Harbor wasn’t all that far from it, but far enough that it certainly didn’t count.

“Shouldn’t be more than two weeks,” Amka explains. “Just in time for the Winter Solstice. We’ll be down there for a week or so.” She sorts through a few papers before continuing as she hands him a few scrolls to put away. “I haven’t heard anything from them in a while until that letter. A few months before you joined us.”

Zuko’s gotten used to the way Amka’s tone will shift when she’s concerned, she always tries to hide her nervousness about things from him, sometimes from the others as well, but most of the time they still pick up on it. Being on a ship with someone you get to know them pretty well, especially with such a small crew.

“You’re worried about them.”

“Yeah, a bit.” Amka smiles slightly, but it doesn’t reach her eyes, a sort of sadness in them. “Last time they were quiet for this long there’d been an attack, Hakoda’s wife was killed.” She lets out a shaky breath, “He wasn’t planning on shipping out the fleet just yet the last time we talked, it feels sudden, even if they were preparing for it. I just need to make sure everything is alright. There aren’t any waterbenders in the southpole anymore, and with the north isolated from everything, well they don’t have much help.”

Zuko doesn’t ask anymore questions, instead putting away the scrolls he’d been handed.

“I think Leki is training right now, if you want to go see her,” Zuko knows a dismissal when he hears one, even if he can tell Amka is trying her best not to be rude, he’s pretty sure she just doesn’t like people to see her upset.

____

Zuko walks out onto the main deck to see Leki with her fans, almost dancing with Imasu as the large spirit loops around her movements. As always Leki is incredible to watch practice, fluid in a way he’s not sure he could ever manage to emulate. Imasu adores mirroring her movements, as much as a possum wolf is able. His hand fiddles a bit with the hilt of his blades, always debating joining her in training. Imasu seems to notice him after a few minutes racing toward him like always, the large spirit collapsing onto him with Leki’s laugh in the background.

“Imasu he’s smaller than you, you can’t be so rough,” Leki scolds mildly.

“It's alright, spirits aren’t all that heavy,” Zuko assures, scratching at the possum wolf’s fur. After a little while Imasu gets off of him, allowing Zuko up from the deck.

“They’re rather fond of you,” Leki comments, looking between the two of them with a sort of curiosity that he knows means she’s trying to put something together. They all know Imasu seems a bit attached to him, none of them are sure why though.

“Like to know why, you think it’s an omen or something?” he asks, still so unsure about his seemingly growing connection with spirits.

“I think it’s a gift Zuli, being connected with the spirits isn’t a bad thing, it is just uncommon so people don’t always understand it.”

He knows Leki is trying to reassure him but it falls concerningly flat, with what happened on Kyoshi Island and then how Imasu reacted to Shun in Shoi-ming he doubts his interactions with spirits are going to bring anything but misfortune to both himself and the crew.

Leki lets out a soft sort of sigh, “what do you say to a bit of sparing?”

He knows it’s a distraction, but he takes her up on her offer anyways, it’s not like there’s anything he can do about his connection with the spirits.

____

“I hate the cold,” Min mutters, rubbing her arms to try to warm herself.

The wind had started to pick up over the night, the morning light dim with the dark clouds looming over the ship. They were far from land of any type now, they’d had to weather the storm coming rather than finding a place to dock. Harsh, freezing gusts make it difficult to stay on deck for long, but they have to move anything that might get thrown overboard by the storm.

“The faster we get through this, the faster we can get out of the wind,” Amka says as she and Heng carry one of the massive crates below deck.

“Faster I can start on some stew too,” Heng says, “that’ll warm us all up.”

Leki and him are carrying a crate down behind them, “we’re lucky with the wind’s direction, we might deal with a storm, but it seems it’ll be pushing us south.”

“Everyone’s so positive today, I can’t be the only one freezing. Come on Zuli, I know you aren’t used to this either.” Min complains, though she can barely hide the jovial tone in her voice.

“I’ve been cold since Shoi-ming,” he admits. The comment earns a chuckle from the rest of the crew.

____

Being on a ship during a storm will never be something that Zuko enjoys, but he hates it a little less when the crew is gathered in the would-be captain’s quarters waiting it out together. Leaned up against Imasu, sitting between Leki and Heng is probably the best place to weather the storm.

The winter storm rages outside, causing the wooden boat to creak and groan in a way not dissimilar to how his years too old navy ship had. The difference being he hadn’t shuttered himself away in his pitch dark room. Too scared at the time to have the fire lit, and too proud to ask his uncle to stay with him.

For once he falls asleep during a storm, knowing if anything happens he’ll have people who care for him, people he trusts.

Chapter Text

Zuko stands on the deck as glaciers become more frequent. The sky continues to be dark as they get further south, the winter solstice only a few days away, the lanterns on deck and at the ship’s bow their only light. The waves calmly push them as Amka guides the boat, it’s midday despite the darkness.

Imasu hits against his side as a howl carries through the wind, the spirit looking up to the sky. Zuko follows his gaze up, and only moments later flurries begin to fall. Eyes widening at the sight, snow softly illuminated by the lanterns.

“It’s snowing,” he says in a sort of quiet awe.

“First time seeing snow?” Leki asks, smiling a bit at him, in a way that feels incredibly familiar, though he can’t figure out who had looked at him like that before. He can only bring himself to nod, a bit taken by what feels like a fuzzy memory.

“Wait until you see Wolf’s Cove, everything is covered in snow,” Min comments from where she’s currently making Heng play space heater for her, bundled in a blanket and leaning against the earthbender.

Leki wraps a blanket over his shoulders, “you keep warm, I doubt the lack of sun is doing you any good.”

“I’m alright.” He pulls the blanket tight around him though, his shivering probably not doing much to assure her of his claim.

“As long as you’re sure,” Leki says with a sort of joking tone that he knows is her trying to make light of her own concern.

____

Zuko watches the greetings from his slightly hidden spot behind Heng, who laughs at him under his breath when he notices him peeking out from behind him.

“Amka, it’s good to see you,” the tall man greets, he and Amka grasping each other’s arms.

“You were quiet for a while, Hakoda,” she says, almost scolding.

“We’re preparing, we’ve decided to take the fight to them now, we won’t sit here awaiting another attack.” Hakoda says with a somewhat solemn expression. He wouldn’t say it aloud, but it doesn’t look much like the man wants to leave his home.

“You’re letting the council win over, huh?” Min asks, slightly joking, but in the way that she does when she’s worried.

“It’s for the best, even if I’m unsure about it,” Hakoda sighs, looking back toward where Min is. His gaze doesn’t stay on her though, noticing him. Zuko sees the moment he recognises what he is, blue eyes widening slightly before they dart back to Amka. “You’ve got a new crew member,” he says with a poorly covered tension.

Amka turns to look back at where he is, now more fully behind Heng, he can’t see Hakoda anymore, but he can see Amka and Leki, who smile slightly at him, Leki waving him out. He begrudgingly listens, coming out from behind Heng, who says a quiet, “go on kid,” lightly pushing him up.

Zuko lets out a quiet breath, his breath fogging the air. He walks forward until he’s just slightly behind Amka.

“Hakoda, meet Zuli, he joined us about six months ago,” she says, gesturing to him.

“Hello, sir,” he says politely, not sure what else to do.

“Hello,” he says in a sort of uncertain tone, looking no less shocked than before, but the look shifts to about the same thing every adult looks at him with now-a-days, pity. He notices the focus of it quickly, because it’s always the same thing, his scar. Hakoda looks at Amka again, he doesn’t say anything but she seems to understand his look.

“We’ll talk, but first I need some help getting things unloaded.”

____

“He’s a child Amka, he can’t be doing what you’re doing. Where did you even find him?” Hakoda says, not harshly exactly, but he sort of sounds like how his uncle talks when he’s worried.

“He was already getting in trouble with the Fire Nation before he found us, Hakoda.”

Zuko stays pressed to the side of the tent, listening to them talking. Should he be eavesdropping? No, probably not. Still he’s always been a bit too curious for his own good, and he was used to hiding away and listening to conversations he shouldn’t hear. Besides, it is about him.

“Trouble? Amka, he is very clearly Fire Nation, I know something must have happened, but they’re still his people.” Hakoda sighs, “are you sure pulling him into this is a good idea?”

“He’s helped us take out four different Fire Nation outposts since joining us, before that he blew up part of Ketu Harbor. He’s not some little kid with no idea what he’s doing. I don’t know why–”

“What are you doing?” A voice asks from behind him.

Zuko jumps, turning to find a boy dressed in watertribe clothes, eyes narrowed at him. He’s about the same height as him, probably the same age if he was to guess. Zuko hadn’t met anyone beside Hakoda really, he was supposed to stay with Min and Heng, but was curious as to what Amka was going to talk about with the southern Chief so he’d snuck off while they were talking with someone.

The first question goes unanswered, as he follows it up with something else, “what happened to your face?”

He wants to yell at him for the stupid question, but it's not like it’s the first time someone has asked. “I got burnt,” he answers simply.

The other boy’s eyes widened at the answer, “like, by a firebender?” he asks, his voice shaking slightly.

Zuko just nods, because he doesn’t want to go into the story. He watches his expression before he speaks again, realising quickly that the shake in his voice wasn’t fear exactly, it was anger.

“It was a while ago, it doesn’t hurt all that much now. Amka healed it a lot,” he says, trying to ease the other’s fury on his behalf. “I’m Zuli, by the way,” he says, putting out his hand how he’s seen Amka do earlier.

“I’m Sokka!” The other boy, Sokka, takes his arm in greeting.

____

“So you're like… a pirate then?” Sokka asks, as they walk through the village.

Zuko had been successfully distracted from the conversation he’d been listening to before, instead now following the watertribe boy around the village. Sokka didn’t seem to notice others looking at them occasionally, that or he just didn’t care. Zuko tried to ignore it the best he could, but he could tell by a few glares that some probably recognised him as Fire. He couldn’t blame the reaction, considering he had a pretty good idea what sort of suffering had been inflicted on the tribe by his nation.

“I guess, I haven’t really thought about it. They aren’t really like how I thought pirates are, but maybe.” Zuko shrugs. He’d always thought of pirates as cruel, destructive, uncaring, but that was far from the crew of the Tiriganiarjuk.

“You should help me convince my dad to let me go with him, I mean if you can be a pirate I can definitely be a warrior.” Sokka looks rather proud of the idea, but Zuko immediately knows how poorly that could go. Zuko might not know Sokka’s father, but he knows not to speak against them, if he was against it, then he should leave it at that.

“I think you should listen to your dad, you wouldn’t want to make him angry.”

Sokka’s face scrunches at the comment, looking entirely befuddled. “Why would he be angry?”

“It would be disrespectful to go against what he said,” Zuko explains. How did he not already know this?

“I’m not just going off, I’m gonna ask him to change his mind. I can fight, I’ve been training. He just keeps saying I’m too young, that he needs me to stay behind,” he complains.

“But you can’t–”

“There you are,” a tall man says, he’s clearly Water Tribe, which obviously, considering where they are.

“Hey Bato!” Sokka smiles, waving to the man as he walks up.

“You’ve met Zuli I see,” Bato says with a smile, though Zuko can see the slight concern, the shaky trust. “Min and Heng are worried,” he explains. It’s only then and Zuko realises he’s actually there for him. How long had he been gone? They’d seem pretty engrossed in their conversation when he left.

“I’ll head back. I’m sorry, sir.” he says quickly.

“How about I walk you both over there and you can show Sokka the ship, I’m sure he’d love to see it.” Zuko doesn’t miss the way he looks over their head, likely noticing some of the eyes on them.

____

“Sokka!” a girl's voice shouts as they are nearing where the ship is docked. She runs up to the three of them, not paying any mind to him or Bato. “Did you know Amka can waterbend?” she asks excitedly.

“What, your water magic?” he asks, clearly not nearly as excited as the girl, who Zuko is beginning to think might be his sister.

“It’s not magic!” she yells at him glaring.

“It seems like magic to me…” he grumbles. “Come on Katara, Zuli was gonna show me the ship, wanna come?” Zuko would argue that he actually agrees with Katara, that bending isn’t magic, but he isn’t going to get in the middle of siblings bickering, he knows how he and his sister could get.

Katara only seems to notice his presence now, looking at him for a moment before her eyes go wide. Bato is quick to talk before she says anything, because she’s clearly noticed something Sokka hasn’t.

“Zuli is a friend of Amka’s, he’s part of her crew,” Bato explains.

The younger girl continues to stare at him for a long moment before she says a quiet, “oh.” She rubs her eyes a bit, looking at him less like she might yell or cry now.

“Are we gonna go see the ship, or..?” Sokka asks, breaking through whatever is left of the tense air.

____

Zuko walks below deck, with Sokka and Katara following closely behind, he points out Min and Heng rooms, though not walking into them for privacy's sake. He shows them the main storeroom, which is considerably more empty now with everything that had been unloaded in the last few hours. Then there’s the kitchen, the armory, another storeroom, Amka and Leki’s room –which he doesn’t bring them into either, again, privacy–, and finally they get to his room.

“And this is my room,” he says, opening the door. It’s small, like most of the rooms on the ship, but it fits a bed and his own desk, plus a wardrobe. He’s got a few more theater masks hung up than the last time he’d shown somebody it, his swords in the corner, and the firebending scrolls he traded for a little while back on the desk. Though the most attention drawing thing is definitely the possum wolf taking up ninety percent of his bed. “And the big furry beast is Imasu.”

“That’s a wolf. A giant, weird looking wolf but definitely a wolf,” Sokka states, eyes weird at the large spirit.

“Can I pet them?” Katara asks, peeking out from behind her older brother.

“Imasu is that alright?” he asks, looking back at the spirit who looks vaguely annoyed that they’ve disturbed their nap. They puff out some air, ruffling his hair in the process. “Yeah, it’s fine,” he says to Katara.

“Why do you have a giant wolf?” Sokka asks, warily watching as Katara runs up to Imasu.

“Possum wolf, though they’re actually a spirit. They just sort of decided to come along” Zuko explains.

“That is not a spirit,” Sokka argues.

“Have you ever met a spirit?”

Sokka glares at him, but doesn’t say anything because the answer is pretty likely a no. The Watertribe boy ends up changing the subject. “You know how to fight?” he asks, gesturing toward the swords.

Zuko nods, “I’ve been training with swords since I was six.”

“That’s so cool! Can I see them?”

Zuko blinks at the sudden change, a bit surprised by the favorability of his swords over the spirit. He obliged the request though, getting his swords from the corner, he carefully unsheathes them, being there’s not a ton of room in here. He holds one out to Sokka, “be careful, please.” The sword’s had been Lu Ten’s when he’d left home he’d taken them with him, he’d only left them on the boat today at the request of Leki, saying they’d be unnecessary.

Sokka turns the sword in his hands, eyes wide as he looks at it, “this is so different from our weapons.” He hands it back after a few moments, “you’ve gotta show me how you fight later, and I can show you how to throw a boomerang.”

Zuko nods immediately, actually rather curious. He’d gotten to see quite a few fighting styles since traveling, he was happy to add another, so far his favorite, after his swords of course, had been Leki’s fans, and by extension how the Kyoshi Warriors fight.

“Do Amka and Heng help you with your bending?” Katara asks from where she’s looking at the scrolls on his desk, he’s not entirely sure when she’d made her way over there, last he’d been paying attention she was still with Imasu. She sounds almost hopeful with the question, though he’s not sure why. He’d been pretty sure she was terrified of the idea he’s Fire Nation earlier.

“You can bend?” Sokka asks, going over to the desk to see what Katara’s looking at. Zuko can see him tense, he tries to ignore it, but it’s quickly something he can’t. “You’re a firebender,” he says, his voice shaking, the same way it had before, when he’d asked about Zuko’s burn. He can see the truth in it this time though, the way Sokka’s using his anger to hide his fear.

“They help some, I don’t bend much when we’re sailing, wooden ships and fire don’t really mix,” he says, keeping himself calm, despite the way his heart pounds when Sokka glares at him.

“We’re leaving, Katara,” Sokka says, stormy eyes never leaving him. He grabs his sister’s arm, pulling her with him.

“But–” she starts, looking rather confused by the sudden change, likely because she’d already known, at least somewhat.

“Now, Katara,” he interrupts. They’re out of the room in a moment, Zuko doesn’t follow them. Maybe he should have, but he’s pretty sure Imasu would follow, and he really doesn’t want a repeat of what happened with Shun.

____

There’s a knock at his door a few minutes later, “Zuli, you in there?” It’s Heng’s voice, it’s not as earth shaking as usual, he’s brought it a bit quieter, and Zuko can guess why.

“You can come in,” he sighs, not bothering to get up, the door isn’t locked anyways. He doesn’t want to get up from his bed, staring at the ceiling above him as his fingers card through Imasu’s fur.

“You worried us kid, running off like that.” Zuko can tell that he’s sat at the end of the bed without bothering to look at him, the bed shifting slightly when he sits.

“Sorry,” he says, though he doesn’t really mean it very much, he didn’t think they’d even notice.

Heng chuckles slightly, “yeah, sure you are. I was thirteen once, too. Gave my mom hell running off all the time. Stole a sandsailer more than once.”

Zuko doesn’t get up, but he looks at where Heng is now. He knows he probably looks like a mess, his face still wet with tears he’d only just managed to stop.

“I’m not actually here to tell you off for going to find someone to hang out with, just seeing if you’re okay.” He says it in a way that makes it clear he can definitely see the wet streaks on Zuko’s face.

Still he tries to deny he is upset.“I’m fine,” he says quickly, rubbing at his face to try to rid it of tears.

“Yeah, alright. You wanna tell me what happened with Sokka and Katara?” Heng asks.

“They found out I’m a firebender.” The wooden boards of the ceiling blur together as his eyes fill with tears again. It’s a stupid thing to cry over, he knows that. He gets it, at least a bit, the fear people feel around firebenders, spirits, he’s barely okay with firebending himself. After what had happened, he’s been struggling with his bending, it’s been a slow process to get to where he was before, but he’s trying. Still his fear isn’t the same, because he doesn’t hate firebending or firebenders, because he doesn’t have the same reasons to.

“Hakoda’s talking with them.”

“What?” Zuko shoots up, “why? They didn’t do anything wrong. The Fire Nation attacked here, they aren’t in the wrong for being scared of me or hating me. Why would the Chief have to talk to them?”

“Zuli, they’re his kids,” Heng explains.

He vaguely remembers them mentioned in the letter Hakoda sent to Amka, though them being his kids doesn’t make him feel any better, for a few reasons, but mostly because that might just be worse. What would his father do if he was afraid of an enemy? He shutters at the thought, because it wouldn’t be anything good.

He’s laying on the ground, sharp pain shooting through him, electricity darting around him still, his body seizing. He’d froze when he saw the lightning, it had been the first time Azula did it, catching him entirely off-guard. His father had been so proud of her, and him, well he’d been scared, and that was not something he was supposed to be, not in battle. If he was scared that meant he wasn’t strong enough. He wasn’t though, he was sure of that, he’d been told that, and the next time he was meant to spar with his sister he was terrified, because all he could think of was the way the electricity shot through him, how it hurt. So when he froze again his father hadn’t been as forgiving as the first time, extra training clearly hadn’t fixed the problem. Luckily they all knew shooting him full of lightning wouldn’t garner results, but he had no problem slicing at him with fire until he didn’t react as it hit his skin. He’d thought it had prepared him, of course, it had been nothing compared to fire that had been meant to do more than numb him to some fear.

“--li. Zuli, look at me.” It’s Leki’s voice.

He blinks a few times, memory fading for reality. “Sorry…” he mutters, letting out a shaky breath. The woman squeezes his hands, a soft smile as she looks at him with a concern he’s still barely getting used to seeing from the lot of them.

“You don’t have anything to be sorry about, you just zoned out there for a minute,” she explains.

Zuko’s seen Leki concerned plenty of times, he’s seen Heng concerned too, when he looks between the both of them they look different, something is different, he’s just not sure what. He pulls his hands from Leki, looking at her as he tries to figure out what’s going on. He can’t figure it out, “what’s going on?”

Leki looks back at Heng, he’s looking at her too. They don’t hide that something’s wrong, but when she turns back to him she still says, “nothing, we were just worried.”

Chapter Text

Zuko figured out why they were concerned pretty quickly, he’d finally gotten himself out of his room after a few hours and he finds the four of them where they often are, the sort of common quarters. When he hears his name he doesn’t go in immediately. Imasu at his back, seemingly listening in as well.

“We need to talk to Zuli, I know we’ve talked about this before, but after today–” Heng starts, Zuko can imagine how he’s sitting just with his tone, crouched, with his elbows on his knees and his chin on folded hands– “there’s clearly more going on with him.”

“He was terrified, even after he seemed to hear me.” Leki adds in, he can hear her pacing, the boat creaking with her steps.

“I don’t know what he was remembering, but he was begging for someone to stop. When I couldn’t get him to snap out of it I got Leki–” there’s a pause, but he can assume Heng is gesturing to Leki– “he likes you the most.”

Zuko isn’t exactly sure where he got that idea, not that he can blame him for thinking so, it’s probably pretty obvious that he looks up to Leki.

“We don’t think he was escaping Zhao that day, right?” Min asks.

He shutters at the idea, Zhao in small doses was enough, being captured by him, he’s pretty sure he’d rather take his chances with Earth Kingdom soldiers, even if they knew who he was. He’s not exactly looking to offer up information though, so he doesn’t come out from his hiding spot. He doesn’t get much of a choice though, hearing the brow creak as someone walks up it.

He stands quickly to see Hakoda and Bato, they seem to see him just as quickly. He turns from them, opening the door to the common quarters without warning, ending the conversation inside immediately.

“Chief Hakoda and Bato are here.”

____

“I think it would be best if we try having you meet again,” Hakoda says, after a very unnecessary apology for Sokka’s rudeness. Zuko’s pretty sure Sokka himself likely isn’t very sorry considering he’s not currently here, that or he’s not fit to see the public, as sometimes Zuko had not been after doing something particularly egregious.

“I understand if he doesn’t want to.” He’s not gonna force the issue, if Sokka would prefer not to see him again he doesn’t want to make something out of it. When it comes to Katara, well considering she hadn’t really been mentioned, she was probably over the fact that he’s Fire, she’d seemed over it pretty quickly once Bato had stepped in to speak up for him. He wondered for a moment if he and Sokka were similar, the disappointing firstborns. “I should’ve been more mindful in the first place. I’m sure he’s not the only one uncomfortable with my being here.”

“Someone said something to you?” Min asks, sounding worried, but not entirely surprised.

He shakes his head, “I just noticed people staring.”

“Admittedly it has been a bit of a surprise to some of us. You’re a child though, you don’t hold responsibility for others’ actions. It is difficult for some to see that.” Hakoda sounds like he actually believes what he’s saying.

Zuko doesn’t speak, because he’s not sure he could say something that isn’t going to have the spirits curse him. He might not be personally responsible for what has happened, but he doubts they’d be so ready to say so if they knew who his father is. His family is the cause for all of this, and that’s close enough to it being him.

“If Sokka wants to meet again, would you be okay with that?” Hakoda asks.

“Of course, sir.”

____

Zuko isn’t surprised when Leki says they need to talk to him after Hakoda and Bato leave. He feels a bit bad about how nervous they look, considering he already knows what this is about. He debates what to do, if he should just tell them what he can without giving away who he is, he’s been lucky so far, with the four of them not thinking his choice to dawn a mask when they attack Fire Nation locations is odd.

“I heard you talking earlier.” He doesn’t expect the way they seem to tense more, looking between each other, well except for Amka, who's still looking at him, awaiting whatever else he’s going to say. “To answer the major question, I wasn’t captured by Zhao before we met.”

“Oh thank the spirits,” Min says, letting out a sigh.

Heng and Leki don’t seem any less tense though, he knows why, he doesn’t know exactly what he said, what they heard, but– he was begging for someone to stop– had he really been begging? He’s not exactly sure how to broach the subject, but they know, at least a little. He knows saying anything is going to open the floodgates though, they’ll know. He looks at Heng and Leki, smiling a bit, but from how their eyes widen he doesn’t think it’s very comforting.

“I was a disappointing child, still am, considering…” he doesn’t see the need to finish the statement, he’s much more than a disappointment, he’s a traitor, at least that’s what his nation would see, if they knew.

He can’t keep his eyes up when he sees their faces change, their eyes, the pity they feel for him. He doesn’t need their pity. He was fine, is fine. Nothing of what he does now is about Ozai as a father, it’s about Ozai as the Firelord, about his nation overall.

“You were talking to your parents?” Heng asks, sounding a bit ill at his own question.

“My father,” he clarifies, his mother would not want to be paired with him, that much he knows. He might be a disappointment, his father might have had his reasons when it came to him, his mother though, she wasn’t the same, she wasn’t like him.

“When I’d told you Sokka and Katara were Hakoda’s children–” Heng pulled at his long hair, eyes wide in realisation– “that’s when you seemed to zone out.”

“You were worried about them?” Amka asks, sounding as though she’s catching on to what was going on, even if she hadn’t been there for it.

Zuko nods, and he doesn’t clarify that until this moment he was still a bit worried, but considering the reaction he’s thinking Hakoda did not have the same reaction as his father would have.

“Zuli–” Leki gets his attention, her expression looking a bit too serious for his liking, she’d figured something out. Had he messed up? Did she know– “is your father also a firebender?”

He actually hadn’t expected that question, but from Amka’s expression next to her, she seemed to have figured out why she’s asking, if the way her brows knit together and her lips pressed into a harsh line mean anything.

“He is.”

“I’m sorry to ask this, I know you don’t like talking about it–” Zuko knows what it’s about now, why she’d asked– “was he the person who burnt your face?”

He has to explain it, make them understand what happened, why it had to happen, what he did. “I embarrassed him, I spoke out of turn, spoke against– I shouldn’t have spoken, it wasn’t my place.”

“Your father did that to you over speaking out of turn? What sort of monster–” Min covers her mouth as if forcing herself to stop talking, seeming to realise how harsh she sounds.

“I can’t–” he couldn’t actually explain it, the gravity of what he’d done– “you wouldn’t understand. I knew better. I was warned not to speak, I still did.”

“I understand perfectly fine! Your bastard of a father burnt half your face! He permanently wounded you! Blinded one of your eyes, nearly melted your ear off!” Min’s out of her seat, wet eyes wide at him.

“Min, calm down.”

“Calm down? Amka, we should've known about this. A kid shouldn’t be dealing with something like this on their own. He wasn’t even healed when we met!”

Zuko has rarely seen Min cry before, but she's wiping her eyes quickly and tears are still escaping down her cheeks. He wants to help, explain so she gets it, so she won’t be so upset for him, she doesn’t need to be upset for him. He knows what would fix it, they wouldn’t care if they knew, she wouldn’t be upset.

“Zuli?” Leki asks, likely seeing he’s trying to get himself the courage to speak. “Was there something else?”

He can’t tell them. It is incredibly selfish, he knows it is, lying to them. He doesn’t want to lose them though, he can’t lose them. He just didn’t mean to make Min cry, and he doesn’t know how to help.

“Sorry, I just– I didn’t mean to make you cry Min,” he says, knowing he can’t tell them the truth.

____

“Do you think Sokka will decide we can be friends?" he asks Amka that night, after everyone else had already gone to bed. He’d been having trouble sleeping with the constant darkness, like his body was scared to rest.

“You want to be friends?” She asks, looking up from the book she’d been reading.

“Well I don’t want him to hate me,” he says with a slightly bitter laugh. “I know that’s not really up to me.”

“I think he’ll come around.”

“Does the constant night affect your waterbending?” he asks now, looking at the dark sky through the window.

“It’s a bit stronger, easier to control. It’s sort of like you can feel the push and pull of the ocean in yourself,” she explains. “Why do you ask?”

“Firebending relies on the sun, access to it. Prisons in the Fire Nation have these things called coolers, no sun can get in and they’re freezing cold, most can’t bend in them because of it. I can’t feel the sun here, it’s odd…” He hopes Angi will forgive him for not entirely hating the feeling.

“It’s that reliant on the sun?” Amka’s put down her book now, looking a bit more interested in the conversation.

Zuko nods, “there’s this whole superstition about being born on the Winter Solstice, that Agni doesn’t favor you so your bending will be weak. For a while everyone was pretty sure I was gonna be a non-bender, I wouldn’t have minded, I like my swords, but my father wouldn’t have been pleased.”

“Your birthday’s on the solstice?”

“Oh, yeah. I guess I hadn’t told you that, I’ll be turning fourteen. Anyway, firebending is incredibly reliant on the sun.”

Amka nods, “I suppose it makes sense that the Fire Nation hasn’t decided to attempt to make colonies at either of the poles then.” She looks at him for a few moments before she makes a face, like she’s shocked by something, even though he hadn’t said anything else. “Wait, why do you know about Fire Nation prisons?”

“My girlfriend… Well, not really, my sister and her other friend kept teasing us and we kissed once, it was weird, anyway, her uncle is a warden,” he explains. Kissing Mai had been weird, but they didn’t want to tell Azula or Ty Lee –mostly Azula– that they were wrong, so they just sort of played along for a while, at least until he told Soma about his feelings.

“You have a sister and friends back home?” she seems to forget the previous point of the conversation.

“Well they were mostly my sister’s friends. I told you about Soma before, he was my friend, he’s the reason I went to Ketu Harbor to begin with.” He hadn’t explained everything that happened at Ketu Harbor, how he’d ended up blowing up a decent portion of it, he was lucky that Zhao couldn’t blame him for it, considering getting outsmarted by the banished thirteen year-old prince seemed pretty bad.

Amka looks torn for a moment, like she’s trying to decide what she’s going to say. She shakes her head, probably deciding against something, “you went to Ketu Harbor for him?”

“It was a bad idea. He’s a fall in line kind of guy, despite hating Zhao he refused to leave, he wouldn’t dishonor his family by deserting.” He’d gotten over most of his feelings there, mostly because anyone who would choose to stay with Zhao was insane. “I’d already rigged the explosives for a distraction, no point wasting them, plus something like that happening, even if Zhao played it off as a freak accident, makes him look bad.”

“You knew Zhao before?”

“I grew up with a pretty heavy into the military family, Soma’s family was like that too, we both knew Zhao growing up.” Zuko sighs, “He’s power obsessed, and likes to lord what power he does have over others.”

He ripped his arm out of Zhao’s grasp, pushing past him quickly, racing toward his room. His skin screams in pain, the hand print is bright red around his arm, crescent shapes where he’d dug his nails in. All because he’s knocked into him. He knew he couldn’t tell his father, that he’d tell him to handle it himself.

“Spirits, kid.” Amka breaths out.

Chapter Text

Zuko wakes to howling, a certain spirit nowhere to be found, but he’s sure if he follows the wind he’ll find them. With the lack of sun he’s not entirely sure of the time, but the silence of the ship tells him it must be early, he’d probably only be asleep for an hour or two. As he walks down the brow his belief is confirmed, the village pitch dark.

Wind rushes around him, pulling him away from the town and toward what he remembers being a collection of icy cliffs. As the gusts settle to a guiding breeze he starts walking with it, trusting its lead. A flame struggles to light in his palm, flickering weakly, the world still dark around him. He takes breaths of cold air, burning his throat with it.

“Come on Imasu, where did you go?” he whispers to himself as he continues to follow the wind, this time the gust carries with it a recognisable howl. “Yeah, I’m coming,” Zuko grumbles back at the wind.

He tries to steady his fire, give himself more light to walk by, he’d rather not fall off some cliff. He focuses on his palm, cupping the other under it. The fire in his hands goes out, plunging him entirely into darkness. “You can’t be serious,” he says to no one in particular. Zuko tries once again to focus on his hands, his eyes narrowing at where the flame should be. “Come on.”

He walks in the darkness, following always with the wind, still trying to get some kind of flame going. He feels himself tense the longer he walks without any form of sight. “Just light already!” Fire erupts from his hand, narrowly missing his face. He falls to the snow, his hands sizzling when they hit the snow, the cold burning his hands.

Eyes open he sees darkness, eyes closed he sees fire, fire engulfing him. Frozen tears freeze his skin.

When he finally brings himself to look up he can see the faint glow of the spirit, at the highest point of the next cliff. “Imasu,” he whispers as he forces himself to his feet. He struggles toward the cliff, shaking in snow covered clothes.

“What’s out there?” he asks when he eventually reaches the possum wolf, whose focus is entirely on the ocean, into a darkness Zuko can see nothing in.

____

“It’s your birthday, we have to do something,” Min argues.

“We really don't, I didn't think Amka would even tell you,” he grumbles, still tired from the night before.

Min throws her arm around his shoulder, “we absolutely do. Come on, what did you do for your birthday back home? I’m sure we can figure something out.”

Zuko stops himself from saying he’d get his portrait painted, which wasn’t even technically done on his birthday, it was just finished by then. He wasn’t sure what anyone else did, but his family didn’t have the time. When he was little his mom, Azula and him would make sweet rice cakes, it wasn’t like it was all that uncommon for them to eat them any other time, it was the making of it that was special. It was a couple years before his mom disappeared that they stopped doing it, since he and Azula weren’t getting along well at the time. They haven’t really gotten along since. He doesn’t tell her this, because truthfully he’s not sure he wants her to press the issue, even if he’s sort of missing them. He just sort of shrugs.

“You didn’t celebrate your birthday?” she asks with a sort of disbelieving tone.

“It's not that we didn’t do anything, it’s just not something I want to do now.”

Min looks a bit defeated with the comment, “you really don’t want to do anything?” She still seems a bit disbelieving, but willing to accept the answer now. It was times like these that Min being the youngest besides him made sense, he was pretty sure she must have younger siblings, because she reminds him of Lu Ten sometimes, and he was the closest thing he’s ever had to an older brother.

____

Zuko’s really not sure how this is going to work out, but Amka had assured him that Sokka and Katara had agreed to the whole meeting again thing. He didn’t think it took much convincing when it came to the younger of the two, because she wasn’t the one glaring at him when they walked up the brow with Hakoda and Bato.

The rest of the crew was helping with solstice preparations, which would serve as also a final goodbye for the men setting off to battle; they'd be leaving the next day.

“Hi Amka!” Katara says with a big smile the moment they’re on deck. She waves at him too, “hi Zuli.”

He nods in greeting, “hi Katara.”

Amka ruffles her hair a bit when she comes running up, “well someone’s in a good mood,” she laughs.

Zuko tunes out whatever else is said, he knows he probably shouldn’t but he finds himself distracted by the icy glare focused on him. He tries to silently tell him he’s sorry, that he hadn’t meant to scare him. Sokka doesn’t seem to get what he’s trying to convey, the other boy pouting at him.

“Hey kid.” Bato pulls his attention from the failed silent conversation.

“Hello sir,” he says. He’s been thinking about why Bato seems to always be around, like another parent to Sokka and Katara. Had Hakoda gotten remarried? He wasn’t going to ask right now. Was he supposed to address Bato as Chief as well? He should ask Amka later.

Sokka chuckles, making him jump at the sudden sound from the boy who’d been brooding a moment ago. “Sir,” he repeats, laughing some more.

Zuko looks at him entirely confused, what was so funny? Apparently his expression is funny enough to make Sokka break into a full on laugh. Soon Katara is giggling too and Zuko feels his face going red with the others' reactions.

“What am I supposed to call him,” he asks, not understanding what’s so funny. Had he messed up? Was he being disrespectful? They were laughing though, why were they laughing?

Bato smiles, looking at the other two with a soft sigh, “come on you two, don’t laugh at him.” He brings his gaze back to Zuko, “you don’t have to call me sir, but I don’t mind if you do either. I understand it’s something you’re used to doing, just Bato is fine though.”

“Since we’re saying it, just Hakoda is fine too,” Hakoda says.

Zuko doesn’t mean too but he must look particularly confused with how Sokka stiffles his laugh. He nods though, he wouldn’t argue it, even if he thought it a bit odd.

“You should’ve seen him when we first met, stuttering all over himself until he started talking like some prince, had to tell him the same thing, he actually called me captain! Don’t worry you get to know him and he’ll start talking like the pirate he is,” Amka smiles, elbowing his shoulder.

He blinks a few times at the comparison, it always caught him a bit off guard. If it had been the first time she’d said it he’d probably have reacted a lot more to the prince comment, but she’d teased him about it enough, apparently she’d known the Northern Watertribe’s royal family. He’d been rather stressed about it the first time, before he realised she was just teasing him about being overly formal.

“Bato and I have to talk with Amka about some stuff, can you get along for a bit?” Hakoda asks, his attention very obviously on his son specifically.

Sokka doesn’t look at his father, for whatever reason he’s been staring at him for the past minute or so. Zuko’s been trying to ignore it, but it’s starting to make him a bit nervous. He finally looks to Hakoda after a long moment, shaking his head as if trying to get rid of whatever he was thinking.

“Uh, yeah. I can.”

____

“You remind me of my sister, though you are a lot nicer,” Zuko laughs, after Katara finished mocking Sokka for staring at him again.

“That’s nice? She’s embarrassing me,” Sokka complains.

“She’s being nice to me,” Zuko shrugs.

“She’s just hoping you can convince Amka to train her,” he grumbles, laying down on the deck of the ship.

“Train her?” Zuko asks at first, though it doesn’t take a moment to realise what he means, why Katara had been so interested in if Amka helped him with his bending. “You’re a waterbender?”

Katara doesn’t answer, eyes wide at her brother now, and he recognises that sort of look, he’d just never had it used in reference to him. It was the same look Azula and him would give each other when they told your parents something they shouldn’t have.

“No. Of course not. Where would you get that idea?” Sokka asks, though Zuko would say that compared to his family and the councilmen he’s dealt with in his life he’s a very bad liar.

“You weren’t supposed to tell me?” Zuko asks, not bothering to pretend he believed the lie.

“No one’s supposed to know,” Katara says, now glaring at her brother.

“I won’t tell anyone, promise. Does Amka not know then?” He sure she doesn’t, because Amka would jump at the chance to train someone, she’s helped him wherever she can, even with their elements being opposites. He’s even managed to pick up some of her style that he can use with his firebending. It’s been a slow process after everything, but he’s gotten a lot more used to using his bending than he had been, even if some days he still couldn’t do it because of fear.

“Just Dad, Bato, and GranGran,” Sokka says, “well and you too now, I guess…”

Zuko, despite what some people think, is not an idiot. Amka had told him about Hakoda’s wife, their mother. He’d seen Hakoda’s letter. He could figure out what happened, at least he has a pretty good idea. He looks at the two of them, who are looking more than a little terrified.

“I really do mean it when I say I promise,” he tries to assure them.

“I want to tell Amka, but dad won’t let me, says because she travels it’s too dangerous.” She rolls her eyes. “As if he’s not leaving…” Katara grumbles, glaring at the shut door of the common quarters.

“We’re not doing this again.”

“You don’t get to say anything, you’ve been asking him to let you go for weeks. Don’t either of you get we’re better off just staying here?” Katara bites out.

Zuko coughs, entirely on purpose, to interrupt the argument breaking out. “You wanna tell me why you were staring before?” he asks, attempting to distract from the current conversation

He’s immensely more curious as Sokka flushes the moment the question seems to register, he looks away from Zuko entirely now. “I wasn’t– it isn’t–” he can’t seem to get the words out. He covers his face with his arms, but it’s not as though he really managed to hide his reaction.

Zuko couldn’t be more confused, and apparently Katara is on the same page, because she’s looking at her brother like he’s gone mad.

“It’s nothing…” Sokka mutters after several moments.

“You wanna try riding Imasu?” he asks, deciding to let him lie this time, mostly because if he knows anything about littler sisters, Katara will torture it out of him later, and hopefully he can just ask then.

Chapter Text

“Katara, Sokka,” an elderly woman calls to them as the three arrive back at the village. “I believe you both have chores left to do, you can spend time with your new friend after.”

“But Grangran–” Sokka starts immediately– “can’t we do them later?”

Zuko feels himself tense at Sokka’s question, eyes catching the flame of Katara’s lantern flickering harshly. He forces himself to calm, watching as the fire settles, steadying itself. He needs to mind his emotions, the lack of sun making control difficult.

When he manages to bring his gaze to the elderly woman he finds she doesn’t look particularly angry, more amused if he had to guess. “If–” she looks at him, “Zuli right?” He’s a bit surprised at her attention, less so with her knowing his name considering he’s pretty sure she’s Hakoda mother, she’s sure to know most if not everything going on in the tribe.

“Yes, ma’am,” he nods.

She gives him a calm sort of smile and nods before turning back to Sokka, “If Zuli would like to join you in checking the nets, I don’t think that would be a problem.”

Before he can say a word, Sokka is dragging him toward the water. Zuko barely keeps his footing following after him in the snow, still not entirely used to the way it moves under him. “Come on, Zuli!” The other boy shouts as he runs, still pulling him behind.

“I’m not used to snow,” he calls back, and of course it’s then that he goes crashing down, nearly bringing Sokka down with him, though luckily for the Water Tribe boy he has better balance in the snow. Zuko pulls his face from the snow to find wide eyes staring down at him. For a few moments Sokka just stares at him, though that’s soon followed by what is a weakly stiffles laugh which develops quickly into a full on laughing fit. Zuko narrows his eyes up at the boy, the laugh continues as an offered hand reaches out to him.

“You weren’t kidding–” Sokka laughs as he pulls him up out of the snow– “first time in snow?”

“We don’t really have snow where I’m from,” he says, cheeks flushed from the cold, or maybe embarrassment, not that he’ll admit to the latter. “I’m barely getting used to walking in it yet.”

“Fine, fine. I’ll slow down,” Sokka says as he pulls him along again, though this time at a more reasonable pace.

Eventually they get to the nets along the shore, in lower water depths to catch fish where the current doesn’t allow the ocean to freeze.

“Time to get checking,” Sokka says, his hand tugging at him though neither move when it happens. He turns to him, the both of them looking down at their joined hands. Sokka pulls his hand away quickly, turning away from Zuko, “come on.”

Zuko doesn’t comment on the reaction, he can’t expect Sokka to be entirely comfortable with him yet.

____

Zuko is sitting with Sokka at dinner that night, it was a rather large gathering, the tribes spread throughout the south pole had come together both for the solstice and because of the impending departure of their warriors. Zuko had been decidedly ignoring the stares and occasional mumbles he’d been hearing since he’d come to sit by one of the fires with the other boy. It’s a little harder to ignore the conversation between a few men not far from where they are sitting, and it seems Imasu is having a bit of a difficult time ignoring them as well. Zuko can only make out the spirit’s low growl because he can feel it reverberate against his back.

“I’m sure Hakoda will make sure they’re gone before we go,” one of them assures, it had been a bit of a back and forth about this for a while, so he sounds less than pleased to still be having this conversation.

“Hakoda is letting his children befriend that little ashmaker,” the other man argues, his voice biting in a way that Zuko can almost see the icy glare despite not looking at the man.

Zuko can feel a few sets of eyes on him and Sokka, followed by a few harsh shushes from those around the man. He feels Sokka’s eyes on him now as well, likely also hearing the conversation. Looking at him he finds almost worried eyes, which is a bit surprising considering a day ago Sokka probably wouldn’t be all that bothered by it. Imasu shifts behind them, Zuko’s pretty certain they’ve turned to glare at the man behind him.

“He’s a child, and he’s part of Amka’s crew,” the same man from before tries to reason. He sounds exasperated in a way that tells Zuko this isn’t the first time he’s said this.

“Amka’s a woman, of course she feels bad for him, even if she likes to play at being in a man’s role.” He scoffs, “Honestly, she probably left the north because no man would put up with her.” Zuko doesn’t wait for any argument back this time, not caring if there is one.

“Say what you want about me, but leave Amka out of your idiocy,” he bites out before he can think better of it. He’s standing, glaring down at the man who’s easily a few years Amka’s senior. Imasu’s growl is louder now, audible.

“What was that?” he asks. He’s glaring at him, and Zuko’s certain he heard him, but he only partially turns around, he doesn’t bother to get up.

Zuko understands why, he's no threat, especially not here, even with Imasu. If someone thinks he’s right they aren’t likely to say it. He doesn’t care though, he’s not trying to threaten anyone, Amka just doesn’t deserve someone’s ire simply for taking him in, or for living how she wants.

“You know what I said, leave Amka out of your stupid conversation,” he says though he can feel Sokka pulling back at his arm, trying to get him to sit back down.

“Remember where you are, kid. Sit down.” the other man says, he’s younger, notably so, probably a bit younger than Sokka’s father. He sees the way he looks at Imasu, understandably more worried about what the giant possum wolf might do than some kid, probably because Imasu is moving, and for a moment he’s worried the spirit is going to pull something like in Shoi-ming. Of course his concerns are nullified by the older man speaking again.

“Let him talk, Kova. I’m sure we’ll hear what he really thinks soon enough,” the other man says. And while Zuko’s not exactly sure what he means, he’s pretty sure the others sitting around him have an idea with the sort of wary look in their eyes.

It doesn’t take but a few moments for him to understand what he probably meant, he’d heard it plenty of times in the palace, even more since traveling with Amka, the Earth Kingdom was no kinder with their baseless rumors about the Water Tribes. This isn’t about the Water Tribes in the slightest though, this is about one idiot who needs to keep his mouth shut.

“I think you're a sexist idiot, who's being cruel talking about someone who doesn’t deserve it because you don’t like me.” Sokka had let go of him at some point, but he only notices it now, as his presence is gone entirely, along with Imasu.

“You’re gonna tell me about cruelty? Your people may as well have invented that word,” he says, his voice booming without the need to yell at him. And he turns around fully now, not because Zuko’s a threat but because he’s taunting him, and Zuko can tell, because he’s dealt with this sort of thing plenty of times.

“I think it’s pretty fucking clear I’m not stranger to my own nation’s cruelty,” he bites out, feeling heat flicker against his back, “at least I’m willing to recognise it. It doesn’t negate that you’re being a dick!”

“Zuli!” He turns at the voice, finding Amka, and the fire that was behind him much larger now. He doesn’t wait to be told, quelling some of the fire until it’s back to the size it had been before.

“What did I say?” the man he’s been arguing with says.

Alongside Amka is Leki, Hakoda, and Bato, all looking more than a little stressed at the current situation. Zuko doesn’t blame them, he hadn’t noticed what he’d done to the fire, he hadn’t meant to. He’d been struggling with control for a while, he’d basically been just relearning it when he joined on with the crew. He’d thought he’d gotten better, but the lack of sun here had made his bending unpredictable, mostly just not letting him create much of a flame, but with a fire already near, it was his control that became the issue.

“I didn’t–” he doesn’t finish when he really takes in Amka’s expression, he’d seen her angry, just never at him, not really. Worried, sure. Scared for him even. Angry? No. Not until now.

“Zuli. Ship. Now.” Amka orders, in a tone he’s rarely heard her use, but he knows not to argue, immediately turning to leave.

____

“What were you thinking?” Amka says as she comes into the common quarters, followed by the other three in their small crew. “You weren’t, that’s what!” She’s pacing, and that’s never a good thing.

She’s mad, and he can’t exactly blame her, arguing was one thing, maybe not proper of him, but excusable. He was lucky he hadn’t hurt someone though, that they were on snow, so the fire didn’t spread past the cleared area. It wasn’t about any of that though, Zuko was plenty used to being an embarrassment, being a disappointment, doing what he wasn’t supposed to. He’d done just that, but this time it was Amka disappointed in him, instead of his father, somehow that felt a lot worse.

He doesn’t speak, he’s pretty sure he’s not meant to, keeping quiet was always the best course of action when his father was angry with him, not that it really helped, but not arguing with him usually made things go faster at the least.

“Amka, you’re stressing him out,” Min says as she sits down in her usual chair, “sit down, we don’t even know the full story.”

“Min’s right, let’s talk about this,” Leki seconds the idea. Heng hums in agreement as he sits.

He doesn’t sit, watching as Amka walks to her usual seat next to Leki. It’s not as though he’s not done anything absolutely idiotic before now, but he could understand how this was different.

“Come on kid, sit down tell us what happened,” Heng encourages.

Imasu pushes him towards his usual seat which he sort of begrudgingly takes. The possum wolf rests their head on his lap when he sits, and for a few long moments he runs his fingers through the spirit’s fur.

“I got mad,” he mutters, not really sure how to explain what happened. He hadn’t meant to bend at all, he was just angry and emotions are really good fuel for firebending on a normal day, but with the lack of sun for nearly a week now has messed with his bending, it is more a recipe for disaster.

“That’s not an explanation,” Amka says in a tone that really reads as her trying not to sound mad.

“What happened before,” Leki asks, her hand over Amka’s on the table, squeezing it as if in silent support. Zuko watches a silent conversation happen between them in barely five seconds, he doesn’t have a single guess what has been said, other than it’s probably about his idiocy.

“At first he was just talking how people usually do, and it wasn’t that hard to ignore him, I mean I get why someone would be wary of me, I might not like it, but can’t exactly be angry about it.” He looks at Amka before he continues, “then he started talking about you and… I guess I just wasn’t expecting it.”

“He started talking about me?” Amka asks with an honestly befuddled expression.

Zuko doesn’t exactly want to repeat what was said, even if he knows he has to explain, he never usually got the option to explain himself. He lets out a shaky sigh, petting Imasu’s head as he urges himself to speak. “He said you were playing at being in a man’s role. That you left the North because no man would put up with you.” He cringes at repeating the man’s words. “I told him he was being a sexist idiot, because he was. I won’t apologize for what I said.” He honestly didn’t entirely expect to say the last bit, but he finds it coming out anyway. He hears Min stifle what sounds like a laugh, and sees Leki’s lips switch slightly, hiding a smile. Despite the amusement, his arguing wasn’t really the issue, and he knows that.

He takes a breath, lowering his head slightly before he continues, “I’ll do whatever is necessary to atone for the fear or stress I caused, I lost control. I’ve been struggling for the last few days, I should’ve known better than to put myself in a position where that was possible.”

“I’ll have to speak with Hakoda, for the time being I think it would be best if you stay on the ship,” Amka says with an almost struggling breath after.

Zuko nods in agreement, having expected the answer, he doubted he’d be leaving the ship again before they departed. He doesn’t know what will come of speaking to Hakoda, he’s rather certain he won’t be getting to see Sokka or Katara again after today. He finds that he's more disappointed than he thought he might be about that, after having made up with Sokka, though he’s not sure that still really counts after what he did.

“Go get some rest, Zuli,” Leki urges.

Zuko takes it for the dismissal it is, though when he and Imasu get through the door he can’t bring himself to move any farther. He finds himself out of the view of those in the room, and the sound of footsteps seems to sound even without him walking, a soft breeze carrying them.

“What do we even do? What are we supposed to do?” Amka’s voice comes first, sounding more distressed than she’d allowed herself to be while he was in the room.

“Exactly what you said, we’ll talk to Hakoda, we know what happened now. Hakoda isn’t an unreasonable man, and he clearly already has a soft spot for Zuli.”

“Hakoda isn’t who I’m worried about. He can be outvoted, if enough agree with Juatan,” Amka sighs, and Zuko can almost see the woman pulling pieces from her braids as she rakes her fingers through her hair.

“We will speak with them. It will be fine,” Leki tries to convince her, though Zuko is sure all of them can hear her uncertainty.

“He wasn’t even wrong! I would’ve said something too!” Min comes to his defense, though he’s not sure it’s necessary. It isn’t about his words, it’s about his actions, something he should’ve been more mindful of.

“It was kind of Zuli to defend me, but you and I both know that isn’t the issue, Min.” He can’t actually hear Amka’s sigh, but he can guess that’s what followed the sentence, considering her almost resigned tone.

“He’s a kid who made a mistake! A kid you said is the closest thing you’ll have to a son only a few days ago! You’re just gonna what? Just go with whatever they decide?”

Zuko doesn’t hear anything after that, quietly backing away from the door, moving carefully until he’s far enough away that he can run to his room. Before he can think better of it he’s at his desk, brush in hand to write his uncle. He doesn’t let himself think about it for too long, folding the letter immediately after it dries. He doesn’t waste time sitting on it, bringing the letter to their messenger bird immediately.

He’s back to his room only a few minutes later, he’s sure it will be a while before he hears anything on what will come of his actions tonight. He collapses next to the large possum wolf on his bed, burying his tear wet face into the spirit’s fur.

Chapter Text

Zuko had sequestered himself in his room for the entire next day, Leki had popped in earlier to tell him, she and Amka were expected at a meeting, likely about what happened, and wouldn’t be back for a while. Min knocked on his door at one point, but he couldn’t bring himself to respond, knowing she’d want to talk about what happened. Heng didn’t knock when he came by, didn’t ask to come in, but he’d left food by his door after he hadn’t appeared for dinner, with a few words to let him know. Zuko hadn’t managed much of it, the plate still sits on his desk, mostly untouched.

So when there’s a knock at Zuko’s door he only expects it to be the one person on the crew who hasn’t come by. He’s up quickly, earning a mildly annoyed grumble from Imasu, because he knows well enough not to keep someone angry with him waiting, and he’s not about to disappoint Amka any further. He whispers a quick apology to Imasu before answering the door, to his surprise he doesn’t find the Tiriganiarjuk’s Captain. Instead he finds Sokka in the hallway, with Katara appearing from behind him only a moment later.

“Amka said you guys are leaving soon.” Sokka shifts between his feet a few times as he speaks, “We wanted to say goodbye before you leave.”

Zuko’s quick to move for them to come inside, “does your dad know you’re here?”

“He’s in a meeting,” Katara comments, looking not exactly pleased at that fact.

He keeps it to himself how much trouble them coming to see him could cause, hopefully no one will notice. Instead they end up sitting against Imasu, crowding themselves on his bed as Zuko tries to pretend he hasn’t likely caused Amka and the rest of the crew to be looked at with suspicion now. He’s only glad that what happened doesn’t seem to have ruined his building friendship with the Water Tribe siblings. It isn’t entirely possible to ignore since obviously they are curious as to what happened.

For a while they talk about what happened, what the two of them had overheard while eavesdropping on a meeting between Chieftains, Amka and Leki. He has to applaud the two for being able to get past Min and Heng who are unlikely to go to sleep before the couple are back. After a while their conversation moves away from the recent events, instead Katara starts peppering him with questions about bending, while Sokka doesn’t seem particularly interested he doesn’t try to change the subject either.

“--depends who you ask, some people excel more at the physical side of bending, others the spiritual. I’ve never been particularly skilled with my bending, but since I’ve joined the crew, well…” he gestures to Imasu behind them, who makes a slight huff, knowing he’s being referenced.

“I barely get to practice…” Katara grumbles. “I understand it’s dangerous, but after the warriors leave, it’s not like anyone here will be traveling the world anyway,” she reasons.

“Katara–” Sokka starts in a sort of scolding tone, a sigh in his voice as if they’d had this conversation too many times.

“I know you don’t get it Sokka, but bending… it isn’t just something I can do, it’s a part of me” she says, with wide eyes focused on her older brother. Sokka doesn’t look entirely convinced, and Zuko finds that he looks to him. Maybe it’s for confirmation of what Katara said, but he’s not sure that’s entirely true, because Zuko knows fear when he sees it. What he doesn’t know is why. Why does Sokka look afraid? Is it of him? He’s not sure that’s the case, not with him relaxed he’s been. So why? “Zuli gets it, I’m sure.”

Zuko pulls his gaze from Sokka, mostly because as much as he doesn’t want to believe it’s him Sokka fears, he doesn’t want to risk the confirmation that it’s exactly that with seeing how he reacts to his answer. He lets out a breath, “I didn’t used to think bending was a part of me. It’s a pretty recent discovery that it is, that bending isn’t just a tool. Honestly I was pretty convinced the universe messed up, that I was never meant to be a bender. Even as I met spirits, started learning more about that side of things, I’d go for my swords before I bend, if it’s an option. And then we got far enough south that the sun doesn’t rise this time of year, that night is constant. I thought it would be easier, freeing, that my bending would settle, wouldn’t…” –he finds himself looking down at his hands, watching them tremble– “..terrify me.” A bitter laugh escapes him, “instead it’s like my insides are burning and frozen at the same time. One minute I can’t bend but the next– well you know what happened.” It’s a part of him alright, and about as personally destructive as everything else about him.

“During summer, it always feels a bit like I’m walking on slippery ice, but being near the ocean always helps,” Katara explains, clearly trying to relate, but he can hear she sounds uncertain now, like she’s doubting herself.

“Guess it’s lucky the moon and ocean work together,” he hears Sokka says in a tone he recognises well, in one he’s used himself.

For a minute he blinks back to one of the few times had heard Azula doubt herself, it was rare, even more so the older they got, but she wasn’t immune to it, and Zuko’s her older brother, whether she would see him as such now or not. Either way he knows what Sokka is trying to do, because Zuko had to go and say something stupid.

There’s no time to say anything, which might be for the best, as only a moment later there’s a knock at the door. “Zuli, can we talk?” Min’s voice comes through, sounding uncertain. When Zuko doesn’t respond after a few long moments –because Sokka, Katara, and him are attempting a silent conversation about what the hell they’re supposed to do– there’s another voice from the hallway.

“Maybe he’s asleep,” Heng suggests, with some attempt to sound encouraging, but he isn’t much less shaky than Min.

“Doubt it, it’s like he's been scared to sleep recently. Amka mentioned something about it, it sounds like he's gotten an hour or two a day since we arrived in the south.” Another knock. “Come on Zuzu, you can’t just hide in your room.”

Sokka gives a nod at the door, as if saying to answer it, Katara agreeing silently with her brother’s encouragement. Zuko closes his eyes, letting out a breath before he pushes himself up, because if they aren’t worried about being caught, well there isn’t much he can do. He opens the door slightly, not enough for them to see either of the Water Tribe siblings though. “You’ve got to promise you aren’t going to be mad.”

“We’re not mad at you, kid,” Heng assures in a tone that at any other moment would absolutely ease Zuko’s nerves, except the earthbender doesn’t know what he’s talking about.

“I don’t mean about last night,” Zuko sighs. “Just promise. Please.”

“We promise,” Min says quickly, “what happened?”

Zuko opens the door entirely, he doesn’t get to say anything before Sokka’s speaking, standing only a few feet behind him. “It’s not his fault, we overheard Amka saying you’re leaving and we wanted to say bye.”

“You snuck onto the ship?” Heng asks.

Sokka looks up at him with wide eyes, as though Heng is at all scary, okay the man’s kind of huge and Zuko’s definitely seen him crush someone with a boulder, but everyone on the crew has killed, kind of hard not to when they’ve blown up Fire Nation bases on multiple occasions and are running for their lives more often than not. In any case Heng’s basically a teddy bear and probably the least scary person on this ship, at least to those he’s an ally of.

“You two should get going before your dad or anyone else notices you’re missing,” Min says, sounding decidedly more clipped than Heng who really just seemed surprised more than anything. She looks at him, and he’s not sure what she sees but she says more when she looks back at the siblings, “say your goodbyes.” She turns away, gesturing for Heng to follow her. “Zuli, the meeting room after you’re finished.”

“Are you gonna be in trouble?” Sokka asks after the two leave.

“Kind of was already.” He shrugs, because honestly there’s nothing he can really do about it, and he’d rather not make Sokka and Katara worry for him.

“You’re gonna get better, right? When you can be in the sun again,” Katara asks.

“Yeah, I’ll get better,” he says, even if he doesn’t actually know that. He sees Sokka’s gaze narrow at him, as if he can tell he’s not being entirely truthful, but luckily he doesn’t call him out about it. Katara doesn’t seem to notice, and after a quick goodbye and Sokka telling her he’ll meet her on deck she’s off down the hallway, but not without one last comment.

“If you kiss him you better tell me,” and with that she’s running down the hall before Sokka can get out any response. The Water Tribe boy’s face flushes red, eyes wide, staring down the hall his sister had disappeared down.

“Ka– she has no idea what she’s talking about. She’s convinced–” Sokka just lets out an annoyed groan instead of finishing the sentence, combing his fingers through his hair, only managing to mess up his wolf-tail and look more frazzled. “Sorry about her…”

Zuko can’t help the way he tensed at the implication, his eyes darting around the hall because despite knowing it won’t happen he almost expects his father to appear out of thin air. It’s been a long while since he’d felt a jolt of fear like this –about this– because fighting for his life, running from Zhao, hell, even facing his father in an Agni Kai was just different. They were terrifying, sure, probably more so in the grand scheme of things, but all of those were caused by choices. He chose to be a pirate. He chose to make Zhao an enemy even after leaving home. He chose to speak out in that meeting. This wasn’t a choice, he’d known that the moment he realised his feelings for Soma. “Sisters are like that,” he manages to croak out. He has plenty of memories of Azula trying to push him and Mai together, believing they liked each other. Yeah. Sisters are just like that.

“You okay?” Sokka asks, probably because if he looks like he’s about to cry as much as he feels like he’s going to, then he can definitely see it. He reaches out to him slightly, and Zuko finds himself jerking back, hitting into the wall behind him. He doesn’t miss the change in Sokka expression, the way he pulls his hand back like he’s been burnt. “Oh. I get it,” he says, his tone turning clipped. “Look she’s just being annoying you don’t have to get weird about it. I wasn’t going to kiss you.”

Zuko wants to tell him that he really doesn't get it. He hasn’t a clue why Zuko is reacting the way he is, hell Zuko’s not even entirely sure himself. All he knows is he can hear the voices of gossip in the palace, rumors of a servant thrown in prison, a lord being disgraced and stripped of his title. And he can feel the fear he felt every moment he sat too close to Soma, looked at him too long, thought about him too much. Listening for footsteps anytime they kissed, jumping away from each other the moment they heard a sound. And he remembers when Soma confessed to him, and how terrified he’d looked, because he was risking everything saying so and he knew that. If Zuko had uttered a word of it to anyone, worse, if he had agreed with his father, Soma and likely the rest of his family would have seen the repercussions. He’d called him an idiot for putting himself so at risk, and then he admitted his own feelings. It’s not as though relationships at that age amount to much, any that was probably the only reason no one found out. It had been foolish, even more so when Soma had been only three months from being shipped off to the Navy, and though he didn’t know it, Zuko was only five months from his banishment. Maybe it only seems foolish now because of how it ended, because while Zuko was willing to fight, Soma had too much to lose. So no. Sokka doesn’t get it, because his sister can say things like, if you kiss him you better tell me, without him feeling like he’s moments from finding himself in a cell.

“You should be getting back, no point in you getting in trouble too,” Zuko sighs, not able to find it in himself to explain.

Sokka clenches his fists, looking a bit like he wants to punch him, he doesn’t, though Zuko’s not sure he would’ve bothered to stop him at the moment, maybe it would get his heart to stop racing, or his breaths to stop skipping. “Bye, Zuli,” Sokka says with tense shoulders and shaky words, he doesn’t wait for Zuko to say anything else before he storms off.

Zuko finds himself sinking to the ground, holding his legs to his chest. Eventually he feels a heavy weight on his head, and he knows it’s Imasu’s own resting atop his. The spirit lets out a soft grumble that somehow both sounds like they’re calling him an idiot while also consoling him.

____

“You look like someone pissed in your fire flakes,” Min comments as he plops himself down in his usual seat. “You three really ended up close huh?”

Zuko just sort of shrugs, “no more than I have with anyone else we’ve met,” he denies with the tiredness in his voice likely selling the comment. Imasu had vanished after they’d gotten above deck, likely to go stare off into the ocean again, but Zuko still finds himself attempting to pet the spirits head that usually rests in his lap. “I’ll be glad to finally get some actual sleep, I'm sick of waking up every couple hours because my body’s convinced I’m dying or something.”

“That’s what it’s like for you here?” Min asks, eyes wide at the comparison.

“I’m not actually dying Min, well I guess everyone is to some extent, but not right now. It just feels kind of shit.” He rests his head on his arms, now crossed over each other on the table. “What did you want to talk about?’

“Well for one, having the Southern Water Tribe Chief’s children over when they’re currently discussing if you should face some sort of punishment last night is extremely foolish, you’re putting yourself in danger.”

Zuko’s not sure there’s much he could say that wouldn’t turn this into an argument, so he keeps his words to himself, just looking as though he is waiting for her to continue on to whatever the original topic of discussion was meant to be.

“Heng and I were talking about what you’ve told us over the last few days, about what happened last night,” Min eventually says. “We know Amka and Leki are worried, we’re worried. Amka didn’t come see you today because she thinks she scared you last night.”

Zuko shifts his gaze away from the two at the table, “I wasn’t scared…” he mumbles, just barely getting the words he knows are a lie out. “I did something wrong, dishonorable. Whatever came from my actions would’ve been deserved,” he manages to look at them again when he says this, because it’s true, it's what’s expected.

“What do you mean whatever came–” Heng looks tense, or maybe a little sick as he cuts off his words.

“Zuli, you have to know none of us would do anything to hurt you,” Min nearly sounds pleading when she says it, her voice high and shaky.

“I never said–” Zuko lets out a sigh, because clearly they don’t get it. He’d done something wrong, whether he meant to or not. If he’d lost control like that at home– he’s not sure he wants to know what would happen. “I did something wrong, I disappointed all of you. I’m lucky you're not throwing me off the ship at the nearest glacier.” He doesn’t raise his head from the table, speaking with a sort of detached nature that he can’t help at the moment. “I’m not scared,” he repeats the same lie. “I deserved it,” he’s not sure he’s only talking about the present.

Min lets out an almost pained cry, looking at Zuko with what he can only describe as pity, the emotion clear in Heng’s eyes as well. Their looks only make him tense more, and soon enough get him to evade their gaze entirely.

____

Zuko’s not sure how long it had been, it wasn’t like he could tell based on the position of the sun, but he awakes to the sound of conversation, not that he makes it known he’s awake, instead keeping he head rested against his arms on the table while he listens.

“Hakoda did the best he could,” Amka sighs, in a way that he’s rather certain Min had been arguing with her moments before which is probably what has awoken him. “We have to get ready to head out, I want us sailing in an hour.”

“Should we wake Zuli?” Heng asks, and he tries not to tense at the feeling of eyes on him, just barely managing it.

“No, let him rest, this is the longest I’ve seen him sleep since we got here,” Amka says in a tone that’s unexpectedly soft considering his recent actions. Zuko’s not sure how long they’ve been back, but based on the comment it was at least an hour. He doesn’t know what verdict they came to, but being that he hasn’t been thrown off the ship he’s selfishly grateful for whatever it is, even if it means them having to leave.

Chapter Text

“Li get down!” Heng yells, Zuko dropping the moment he does only to have a boulder rocketing over him.

“Cover me!” He jumps back to his feet the moment the boulder clears his head, before it even bowls into the soldiers that had been only a few feet behind him.

“We have to go!” The earthbender shouts back, but sharp daggers like rocks still shoot past him, not giving anyone time to attack Zuko as he sets the last charge. The moment it’s set he’s running toward Heng, they have to move quickly before they get caught up in the blast. Zuko doesn’t hide his firebending when he directs any attack back at one of the soldiers who was managing to evade Heng’s rock daggers.

“Coming!” Zuko catches up to Heng quickly, the two of them beelining it for the beach, just barely avoiding being cooked extra crispy. They catch sight of Min and Leki coming from the opposite direction, though unlike them they don’t have Fire soldiers on their tail.

“Heng wall!” Amka shouts. He stops, knowing Heng will immediately, a barrier of rock erupts around them, encasing the two. Zuko can’t see it but he can hear the waves crash over them and the shouts of soldiers when they get knocked back. The rock barrier is gone in a second, and Zuko isn’t particularly surprised to feel himself plucked from the ground by a certain wolfy spirit, who doesn’t spend a moment to consider Heng before the race toward the ship.

____

Amka pushes them out to water just as the charges blow, and as they expected the blasts set off the blasting jelly stores, only furthering the destruction. Zuko watching it go up in flames, the Fire Nation’s largest supply stores on the Earth Kingdom mainland. Nearly everything coming from the Fire Nation for military purposes goes through this port, and now they’d be lucky if it was functional again in years.

“Imasu hates me,” Heng complains, though he sounds too jovial about it for it to be a real complaint. The earthbender lays on the deck catching his breath, laughing between ragged breaths.

“I’m pretty sure they just think Zuzu’s their baby,” Min teases. Zuko’s managed to get used to the nickname again, despite who originally coined it.

“Imasu does not think I’m their baby,” Zuko argues.

“They literally grab you by the back of your collar, like a parent grabbing a baby possum wolf by their scruff,” Min points out, a teasing smirk pulling at her lips. She’s climbing up to the crowsnest to watch for anyone following them.

“Whatever…” Zuko rolls his eyes, going to join Leki who’s at the sails.

“I think it’s sweet how much they cared about you,” she comments, with a kind, but definitely lightly teasing smile.

“Not you too,” he groans.

“We got company!” Min yells down. “They’re coming in from the southeast! We can outrun them!”

Amka is immediately on guiding the ship with water bending, luckily they were already making their escape north. The wind is on their side as it often seems to be, it’s been a surprising thing, but Zuko’s rather certain it’s not just luck. The wind seems to howl as it helps them push along. It’s quick work to escape the ships, of course with the destruction they’ve caused today it’s likely they won’t be the last ships they see if they don’t get to a friendly port soon and lay low for a bit.

____

None of them leave the top deck that day, Min constant in the crowsnest, expecting to find Fire Navy ships. So their discussion of where they’re off to next is for once not held in the common quarters. Zuko sits on the upper deck, lent against Imasu as he listens to Amka go over the next plan.

“We’re gonna have to go to land for a bit, best off we’re not seen for a little while after today. Works out well enough, I’m usually not one for getting involved with the Earth Kingdom military but a group of new recruits got ambushed on their way to a base, most of the company’s been captured.”

“Captured? Any idea who was leading the ambush?”

“Sai I believe, if what Kenji sent is correct,” Amka says, raising a brow with her answer.

Zuko hadn’t told them the truth about who he is, but he wasn’t going to keep information that could help to himself either. It had become a dangerous sort of game, telling them what he knows without admitting the truth. “We need to be quick. Sai won’t keep them alive if he decides they’re no longer worth it, they have a few days at most.”

“You know of him?” Amka questions.

“I know him. He’s Soma’s father,” Zuko reveals.

____

“You keep your mask on no matter what,” Amka says for what feels like the hundredth time.

It’s important to note he always dawns his Blue Spirit mask during missions, whether they expect to run into Fire Nation soldiers or not, it isn’t worth the risk with how close Zhao, and now much of the Fire Navy, have been tailing them. He understands why Amka is concerned, probably has a longer list of reasons than she has, considering his identity. He tries not to think about the very real possibility that his plan could go very badly, that it’s very likely not everyone they came to save will make it. He always tries not to think about the fact that much of the plan relies on his ability to very discreetly get into the Fire Military base, they can’t know he’s there until he’s cleared the crew’s way in and the Earth soldiers way out.

“I’ll be careful, well as much as I can be considering…” he smiles slightly.

“Just set the charges and get out, got it?” Amka says it in a way that sits somewhere between an order and worry. “Don’t do anything stupid.”

With a round of “good lucks” from the crew he’s off, racing toward the high metal fences under the cover of darkness. Zuko is at an advantage, he grew up having protocol for every part of the Fire Nation’s military drilled into his head. As he watches one guard pass he knows he’ll have just under two minutes to get over the gate and out of sight, and he knows it won’t take him more than one. The second the man’s line of sight isn’t on him he’s spriting from the shadows, beelining it toward the fence. The fences are more like thin walls, just enough room to walk along the top, the portions of them made to be scaled, if you know which sections won’t be rigged with blasting jelly. It was designed to not only keep out intruders, but maim them, Zuko hadn’t seen it happen himself, because he only knows these walls from plans, but he knows one misstep could mean goodbye to a foot or hand. As is typical for the Fire Nation, the traps are carefully planned, so being that he hasn’t miss remembered, it’ll only take moments to climb the fence. He breathes a sigh of relief when he reaches the top, and risks the jump down in favor over the possible missteps on the backside of the wall. He manages it with a roll, quick to duck behind the nearest crate before a guard comes around the inner wall.

He only takes a few moments for a breather, knowing he has to move quickly. First is the charge meant as a distraction, it’ll give him enough time to free the Earth recruits from their cell and be followed by the one at the gate. He sets up the charges first, and he’ll have two minutes before the first one detonates, taking out what looks like a recent supply delivery. He needs to make it to the cells before it goes off.

It’s quick work to get to the cells, they’re not heavily guarded being that they’re made of metal and require firebending to open them, a bit of any oversight if you ask him, but considering most people who leave the Fire Nation go into hiding and those that don’t often end up dead, well he supposes they likely hadn’t put much thought into someone doing this.

Through the small openings in the metal jail he must have been seen because he hears someone speak, “you’re the Blue Spirit,” he gasps. The soldier sounds similar in age to him, expected considering they’re supposed to be rescuing new recruits.

“You’re going crazy Sensu, no one’s coming for us, definitely not the Blue Spirit,” someone else calls back.

Zuko shushes them, he can’t exactly see anyone through the small holes in the metal. “We’re getting you out,” he whispers. Only a moment later the first bomb going off, shouts sounding outside. Zuko curses to himself, he’d hoped to use the explosion to cover the noise of opening the cell. He doesn’t waste time any longer, two fire blasts to the locking mechanism and the door click open. He’s quick to pull the door open. “Expect a fight. The front gate will be open soon. We have to move fast.”

Zuko knew they’d be outnumbered, that it was highly unlikely everyone would make it out, and truthfully they were doing better than he’d expected, even with most of the Earth soldiers not being earthbenders, which is information he really could have used. They were doing well, but Zuko could tell they were being corralled, surrounded. “When you get the chance, run!” Zuko shouts. He finds Sai, who’s focus seems solely on him.

“Rumor has it the Blue Spirit is a traitor,” Sai says in a tone he’d heard plenty of times, but never directed toward him, despite his father’s opinions and unlike most other nobles, Sai seemed to play the long game, with knowing Zuko would be Fire Lord some day. He’d always portrayed a false kindness, one that was easy to see through, especially so, considering he never extended the same courtesy to his own son.

“Traitor is a strong word,” he comments, brandishing his swords. The gate blows then, he can hear it even if he can’t see it, and he uses Sai’s moment of distraction to rush him. The older man barely dodges, narrowly avoiding a gash down his torso. He can just barely make out the fight happening around him, the sound of the crew’s voices. He manages to deflect Sai’s flames, directing his own toward him.

“For the likes of you, I do not think it strong enough,” he bites out, he sends rapid fire toward him. Zuko’s faster than him, managing to dodge the attacks while moving in closer. He knows it’s a risk to move in, but he needs Sai down, he knows the man won’t let up on the chase without being out of commission.

Zuko doesn’t allow his attention to shift to the Earth soldier to his right, he keeps Sai’s attention on him, deflecting his fire or redirecting it at the man. It feels like it takes an eternity, but Zuko knows it couldn’t have been more than a minute or two, when Sai goes crumbling from a blow to the head. A tall boy, probably no more than a year or two older than Zuko, stands behind the man, with a crowbar meant to open crates.

“Li we gotta move!” Heng shouts. It’s only then that Zuko sees the chaos left behind, he counts five of the twenty they’d come to save down, and not the sort of down you come back up from, he counts a least double that in terms of Fire Nation soldiers. The later number doesn’t make him feel any better, it never does. He knows he’s doing the right thing and he knows lives will be lost, but that word rings in his head, traitor. He’s doing what he can, what, despite what it looks like, he knows will help his people along with the rest of the world, but still, he looks at those in red and he knows what they would call him, traitor.

Zuko doesn’t expect warmth from the Earth Kingdom recruits, not with them now knowing the Blue Spirit is a firebender, so he’s not entirely surprised that the group of them give him a wide berth, more comfortable interacting with each other, Heng, or Min. Only one of them seems at all interested in him, the tall teen who’d very likely given Sai a concussion. He lurks to Zuko’s right, which he certainly prefers, as it makes it easier to keep an eye on him without being entirely obvious. It must be an hour into their trek through the forest that he finally says something.

“So your name’s Lee, then? My younger brother’s name is Lee,” he says, in a clear attempt to start a conversation.

“It’s short for Zuli,” he finds himself saying, though he’s not entirely sure why he feels the need, considering neither are actually his name.

“Do you prefer Li?” he questions, to which Zuko only shrugs, he really doesn’t have much of an opinion. For a few moments the Earth boy doesn’t say anything, but he can still feel his eyes on him. “My name’s Sensu,” he introduces himself when he speaks again.

Zuko turns to him slightly, just enough to look at him through the mask still covering his face. He remembers hearing the name from before, he’d been the one to see him by the cell earlier. He doesn’t seem nervous or scared, and he walks at most an arm's distance from him, not even bothering to let space for the possibility he’d attack him. Zuko knows of course that Sensu is being the logical one here, that with his actions as the Blue Spirit today that there shouldn’t be fear of him, but considering he’s the only one who seems to believe that, well it’s a bit of a surprise.

“Thank you for your help… with Sai,” he says, turning his attention back to their path.

“That old guy? Yeah, I mean it sort of looked like you had it covered but I had the opening so…” Sensu says with a sort of laugh to his tone, the kind of one you get when you can’t believe a situation entirely, more out of shock than any humor. “Thanks for coming for us.”

“Thank Amka, she’s friends with Kenji, he’s the one who asked us to help.”

“Either way, you fought your own people for us, I can’t imagine that’s easy.”

Zuko doesn’t respond to the comment, because he’s not sure he could say anything that won’t giveaway the turmoil he’s been feeling over that exact thing. Traitor, his brain says, in a voice suspiciously like Soma’s. With his lack of response they fall into a sort of silence for a while, though it’s not exactly uncomfortable, being that Sensu doesn’t seem to mind a quiet.

He’s not entirely sure how long it is before Sensu speaks again, Zuko’s not really paying attention to the time, he can’t get himself to focus on much beyond Sai’s words. It’s the closest he’s been to someone who might recognize him, to someone who knew him before all of this. Their fight’s with Zhao has not brought him so close, but he’s spoken to Sai, and something about the way he looked at him, he’s not sure the Blue Spirit’s identity will remain a secret much longer.

“You’re shorter than I expected you’d be,” Sensu comments. Zuko looks at the other teen, eyes narrowed slightly, not that he can see that with the mask on, but he seemed to feel it considering his next words. “Not that, that’s a bad thing. I just–” he runs his hand through his cropped hair, “I thought you’d be older than me, but you don’t sound it and…”

“I’m short,” Zuko filled in for him. He gets a nod in confirmation. “Well considering I’m fourteen I’ve got time to grow.”

Sensu’s brown eyes go wide, and it seems to take him a second to form words, “remind me to never introduce you to my parents, I’ll never compare.”

“If it makes you feel better I’m certainly disappointing mine.”

Sensu sputters out a shocked laugh.

____

It’s not long before they meet up with Kenji, who will lead the recruits the rest of the way, because unsurprisingly that Earth Kingdom army doesn’t want a bunch of pirates who have no issue stealing from them knowing where their bases are. They don’t stay with Kenji and the recruits at their temporary camp, being that Heng, Min, and himself aren’t willing to shed their masks around either military. After quick goodbyes the five of them leave the group, with hopes to figure out if they’ll be able to return to the water.

Chapter Text

Imasu crashes into him the moment he boards the ship tackling Zuko to the deck and flopping their whole weight onto him, he’s lucky Imasu doesn’t weigh near as much as a non-spirit animal their size would, it’s still not exactly easy to breath though.

“I know, I know. I’m sorry you had to stay behind, you’re kinda noticeable for a stealth mission though,” he says with a light laugh, earning a seemingly annoyed grumble. “Don’t worry we’re staying in town for a while” Imasu gives a slightly more content noise at that and shifts so they are no longer entirely on top of him.

While laying on the deck he watches a bird fly down, one like he hasn’t seen before outside of a few Northern Watertribe drawings. A little white and grey bird with a striking red beak. He sits up to see the small bird land on Amka’s arm. She takes the small scroll from the bird, and he doesn’t think he’s ever seen the captain more nervous. “It’s from my brother.”

____

“It’s up to you Amka,” Leki says, just loud enough that Zuko hears her from where he’s reading in the corner of the room, curled up against Imasu. He looks up from his book, finding Leki’s lent over Amka’s shoulder, whose eyes are focused on a letter she’d received an hour ago now. Zuko’s not sure what the letter’s about, but he’s always had to be able to tell if someone’s upset, and it’s not hard to see with the way Amka seems to curl in on herself only open enough to tilt her head toward Leki’s, accepting her quiet support. He brings his attention back to his book, or at least his gaze to it, even if he’s forgoing reading to try to figure out what might be going on.

“I haven’t seen them in years, I’m shocked he even thought to send a letter,” Amka comments with a tired sounding sigh. “I should go, to pay respects. It’s out of our way though, going home. And going out at sea, with Zhao tracking us…” she lets out a shuddering sigh.

Zuko doesn’t allow himself to react, continuing to listen as he feigns attention on his book, he’s lucky staring at it for an extended period isn’t odd considering it’s in Water Tribe script, something he’s trying to improve his understanding of.

“We don’t have anything pressing. We can be careful, keep close to the Earth Kingdom coast; cross closer to the Northern Air Temple. Besides, it might be best to head north, going to Agna Qel’a will keep us far from the Fire Navy for the time being.”

“You’re not going to like him, Leki.” Amka stays like a warning

“He’s your brother,” Leki tries to assure but the captain looks far from convinced.

“Yeah, and he's part of the reason I left. I don’t even know if she’d want me there, I was far from a good daughter,” she says, sounding a bit like she’s debating herself more so than Leki.

“Just because you aren’t what she expected doesn’t mean you aren’t a good daughter.”

“I’ve barely seen them since I was in my twenties, what, once every several years I’ve gone home? You know it never goes well.”

“I will go with whatever you decide, but you don’t have to go alone this time, actually I won’t let you. If you’re going, we’re all going,” Leki declares.

Zuko doesn’t hear what Amka says beyond the muttering of words, and when he peaks up a few moments later at the lack of any response from Leki, well he finds them sharing what –to him– is a rare kiss, the two rarely showing much affection in front of the crew. For a moment he thinks they’ve forgotten he’s there until Amka looks to him when they break their kiss, “would you get Heng and Min?”

____

He narrowly avoids the cut of Leki’s fans, dropping to the deck to do so. He uses his swords to keep Leki at a distance as he jumps back to his feet. She’s a skilled fighter, more so than him, and frankly he hasn’t beat her a single time in their sparring, he doesn’t really expect to today, but he won’t give up trying either. He comes in close quickly, the moment he sees an opening, but a moment later he’s on the deck, coughing out a breath. He doesn’t get back up this time, he’s been beat enough times for today, he’ll try again tomorrow.

After a few minutes of him trying to catch his breath he looks at Leki, who has taken a seat next to him with her fans in her lap. “You really are improving.”

“Doesn’t really feel that way…” he rumbles, which earns a soft laugh from the woman.

“Whenever you beat me, you’ll be the first person to do so on this ship,” she says, quickly following it with, “including Amka,” likely knowing he’d ask.

A few moments of silence pass, the captain being brought up bringing his thoughts back to where they’re headed, and how closed off she’s become in the couple days since receiving that letter from her brother, since learning of her mother’s passing. The only real solace, and something Amka’s said herself, is that it wasn’t a death caused by the war, a rarity these days. To an extent it had been expected, but Zuko doubts that makes it much if any less painful. “Amka’s going to be okay, right?” He pulls himself to sit up.

Leki looks at him with an almost sad smile, “she’ll be okay,” she tries to assure. “I think she’s just a bit nervous, and, understandably, a bit sad.”

A calm sort of quiet settles between them, because silences with Leki are rarely tense, and she lets him rest his head against the side of her arm while he thinks. He doesn’t ask about Amka’s relationship with her family, he has a bit of a guess what it may be like, but he’s sure he’ll see it himself soon

____

A few days into their travels they’re the closest they’ll be to the Fire Nation, traveling between the central Earth Kingdom barrier islands and the eastern Fire Nation islands. They wouldn’t have the time to sail through the Earth Kingdom channels to get north for the funeral, as it is going through the Su Oku River to avoid Pohaui or the other Fire Nation colonies will be cutting it close.

Everyone’s on deck for the night, knowing the danger of where they’re crossing, the likelihood that they’ll run across Fire Navy ships. Min’s been up in the crowsnest most of the night, eye glued to her spyglass as she looks out for Fire Navy Ships. Zuko and Heng are sitting against Imasu, playing a rather lazy game of Pai Sho in an attempt to keep themselves from falling asleep. The spirit has no such concerns, seeing as they’ve been asleep for the last few hours. Leki and Amka are together at the wheel. The captain keeps control while Leki’s been pouring over maps and whatever information they have on Fire Nation and Earth Kingdom movements along Su Oku River, trying to plan for what they might see when they get there.

Zuko doesn’t know when his eyes closed, how long it’s been, it’s still dark so it can’t have been long, but he wakes with a start as Min shouts down from the crowsnest, “We’ve got company!” She doesn’t look away from her spyglass. “We’ve got two ships coming in from the north, we should be able to–” she cuts herself off, and after a long moment of silence Amka yells up, asking what’s going on. “It’s a trap! Amka, go northeast, we can make it through before we’re cut off!”

Amka guides the ships by water when Leki is quick to take the ship’s wheel from her to help it along. “Heng, Zuli, cover us where you can, and do not let yourself get thrown overboard!” she shouts, all the warning they’ll get for the rough ride. The ship cuts through the water with Amka’s help, the captain’s face tense with concentration. The commotion wakes Imasu as well, the possum wolf up in a second.

“Min what are we looking at!?” Leki shouts up, her eyes half on the map that had already been rolled out on some crates, while her hands stay at the wheel. Zuko can just barely see the face she makes when she’s cursing something, and that immediately tells him she has a guess at what’s happening.

“Two to the north, three to the south, four to the east! We’re being blocked from three sides!”

“They’re trying to force us toward Crescent Island!” Leki calls back.

Zuko can just barely see the ships in the dark, clearly they’d kept their lights low for as long as possible to make it harder to see the ship in the dark. Despite the winds favoring their need to go north, they can’t get there without getting into a fight, and a fight will only let the rest of the ships catch up. They can’t stay out of range of the fireballs for very long. With him and Heng split, having the cover the north and east as they close in first, neither can manage sending the giant flaming boulders back alone, not with the frequency of them. It takes all Zuko’s focus just to keep them from hitting the Tiriganiarjuk’s hull, and keep himself up as Amka tries to cut past the ships to the north.

“Imasu can you get us some more wind?!” he calls to the possum wolf spirit, “Amka needs a chance to take out some of these ships.” A howl follows his request, wind pushing from the south east, pushing them farther from the eastern ships but the northern ones are still incoming, and fast.

Amka focuses in the on the two ships to the north, and Zuko can’t really watch what she’s doing as he focuses on keeping them from getting hit, but it isn’t long before something is clearly wrong with the two ships, he can hear the loud creak of metal in frozen waters, despite them being too far south for that sort of freeze. Waves crash over the bows of the two Fire Navy ships, before freezing. Zuko watches as the ships pulled by the weight, starting to sink down, their catapults frozen. He doesn’t take more time to watch it, because the southern ships have caught up. Heng’s caught up trying to fend off the ships to the east, Amka tries to get them northwest for now, while avoiding the pull of heavy metal ships currently capsizing. Zuko races to the top deck, toward the stern, he’s hardly up the stairs when he hears the sound of wood splitting at the ships shutters at the impact. It’s immediate that he can smell the burning, the wood below catching quickly.

“We’re hit, lower hull, stern!” Zuko yells, as he shoots down fireballs. Amka isn’t far behind him, waterbending to put out the fire, a thin sheet of ice to attempt to keep them from taking on water. It keeps the boat a float, but the slowing of the ship gives the eastern ships time to get closer, one of the ships crashing into their side, the Tiriganiarjuk jerking with the impact.

Zuko’s never been one for giving up, it’s pretty much the one thing he has going for him, and he knows that right now, giving up isn’t an option, but he can’t see a way out of this.

“Zuli get to the rafts!” Amka yells as a wave crashes over the ship that slammed into them, throwing many of those on the deck into the water below.

“Kind of busy!” He yells back, managing to throw back one of the fireballs coming at them from the south, crashing it through the hull of one of the ships. He doubts he’ll be able to do it again, but it feels good to see the ship start taking on water. He knows what Amka is telling him to do. He knows why. He’s not leaving. Even if he wanted to leave, he doubt’s he’d get away, not with how surrounded they are, and Min’s call only confirms it.

“Three ships from the west!” Zuko’s pretty sure he can hear the tears in her yell, and a moment later he sees her climbing part way down from the crowsnest.

“Min, take Zuli and get out of here,” Amka orders, and if it wasn’t for the situation he might laugh at Min’s expression.

“You think I can make Zuzu leave? Besides I’m not going anywhere, not if we all aren’t.” Which is about the response he was expecting.

They’re thrown by another ship crashing into them, considering they can’t move very far with the damage they’ve taken the southern ships have fully caught up to them. Zuko knows what’s coming, pulling on his mask that always sits at his hip when they sail, his swords drawn. He doesn’t pause to debate his action, immediately cutting down the first Fire Soldier who dares step foot on their ship, in their home. Imasu isn’t far behind, clawing and throwing soldiers back with wind. Min has herself latched halfway down the crowsnest, arrows firing quicking at those attempting to board. He can hear the sound of Leki’s movements, heavy and smooth, a scrap of metal against metal when her fans meet Fire Navy armour. Another wave crashes over the deck of the ship who’d crashed into them from the south, taking those on deck with it.

Zuko can’t keep his focus on what they others are doing though, because those who manage to avoid Amka’s waves are quick to board their ship, Zuko meets fire with fire, sending attacks back quickly and following it with his blades, not holding back as he knows that would mean his and his family’s lives. He cuts down soldier after soldier, not a moment to think about it. It isn’t long before they’re being boarded from the west, another wave crashes over the ships, throwing plenty of the men overboard, but the Fire Navy ships are plentiful with sailors, and Amka’s waves are getting smaller after taking out six ships.

Zuko can’t see past the Fire Navy sailors that surround him, and he doesn’t have time to figure out how he hadn’t noticed himself being surrounded, he’s fast about kicking fire out around him, trying to break through those around him. He manages an effective blow, but he doesn’t have to take them all down as a harsh blast of wind sends those he didn’t manage to at least stun long enough to cut down flying into the ocean.

He feels someone behind him, and turning, swords in hand, he finds familiar eyes, Soma’s usually warm amber-brown looks almost cold, the way blue flames do. Zuko’s moment of hesitation, it should be his end, but Soma doesn’t attack him, he speaks, “stand down Zuko, Zhao will let you live,” he tries to convince him.

“I don’t abandon the people I love,” Zuko declares.

“You just betray your own people,” Soma bites, running at him with his own blades drawn. Trying to get Soma out was the first time he’d chosen to fight for someone he loves. Zuko knows he won’t move, won’t dodge, won’t block, won’t attack, because he can’t, not him.

“Zuli!” Leki shouts, and it was sure too late to spur him to move, but despite that she’s in front of him, her fans narrowly stopping the Soma’s blade. For a moment time seems frozen, it feels as though no one moves but that can’t be true, and he’s brought back up the speed by a pained shout. Leki collapses to her knees and he doesn't have to search long for the culprit, Soma’s second blade, bloody, in the sailor’s hand, a blade that Zuko knows was meant for him. Zuko doesn’t give the soldier a second, swords slicing across his chest, sending him crashing back onto the deck. Soma doesn’t get back up.

He hears a groan behind him, finding Leki trying to get up despite the wound in the middle of her abdomen heavily bleeding. Soma hasn’t moved from where he is, he won’t, but he’s far from the only Fire Soldier on this deck, so Zuko isn’t given the time to even attempt to help Leki, sending fire attacks back at those who are closing in on them.

“Imasu!” he shouts, with the overtaken ship it’s nearly impossible to find anyone, he could really use some spirit help right now. “Just hold on!” he shouts, meaning the comment for Leki, maybe a bit for himself too.

“Zuk–” Leki starts.

Something crashes, and based on the sound of splintering wood it’s likely something into the ship, it isn’t until he manages to fight back enough soldiers that there’s more than a few feet of space around him and Leki that he can see what happened, or at least the end result. The crowsnest collapsed, and he can’t find where Min might be, or more accurately he doesn’t get the chance to look. He does catch a glimpse of Imasu trapped under what looks to be a net, likely made of iron if he had to assume based on the possum wolf not tearing it from themself or phasing through it.

It isn’t long before they’re surrounded again though, breathing ragged, covered in burns and cuts from the attacks he couldn’t fend off. He stands over Leki, trying not to think about the fact that he’s not sure he’s seen her move in the last minute or so. She hadn’t tried to speak again. He doesn’t know how many more soldiers there are, how many he could even manage to fight.

“I want him alive.”

Zuko tenses at the voice, looking for Zhao in those that surround Leki and him. He can’t find the man at first but soon enough a few men move to the side for the man to make his appearance. Zuko doesn’t think about it, it’s almost instinct, fire cuts across his blades straight toward Zhao. The man defends against them, splitting the flames around himself.

“Come now Blue Spirit, what are you protecting? A dead Earth peasant?” He questions with a horrible smirk, eyes flicking down to Leki on the deck.

Zuko finds himself looking down now, blood pooled under Leki, soaking his boots. It’s too much blood, he doesn’t know that for sure of course, but it looks like a lot of blood. She isn’t moving either, he focuses on her, she isn’t just not moving, she’s not breathing. Her hands that had been at her the wound trying to keep pressure are slack. His eyes darted up at the slight sight of movement, Zhao stepping toward them.

“Stay back!” He screams, shooting fire out at Zhao, but he refuses to move from where Leki lays, he can’t leave her, he just has to hold out for the others, they’ll come. Zhao deflects his attack again but he’s not about to let up, fire slicing from his swords around him with a shout. They’ll come.

“You’re throwing a tantrum over an Earth Kingdom woman,” Zhao chides, “just when I think you could not become more of a disgrace to the Fire Nation, Prince Zuko.”

“Allamut!”

Zuko’s down in a second at the shout, not thinking what that would mean until blood soaks his pants, and his eyes find Leki’s. He hears the creak of the boat, the crash of waves and the shouts that follow, but he can’t pull his gaze away. Her eyes are unblinking, unseeing, and entirely devoid of life. He can vaguely hear someone speaking, but he doesn’t know what they’re saying, it sounds like he’s underwater with someone speaking from above.

“Zuko!” Amka shouts his name, yanking him out of his thoughts, and away from Leki’s gaze. “We–” her voice catches, it’s just barely audible when she continues, “we need to go. Now.”

“Prince Zuko siding with Earth peasants and an ice savage, why am I not surprised,” Zhao bites out from where he’s frozen to the deck. Amka doesn’t spare the man a glance, pulling Zuko with her when he stutters in his step.

“Imasu!” Amka calls and the spirit moves to them, slower than they usually do, not bounding at Zuko, likely recovering from being caught in the iron net. They lower down in a clear indication for the two of them to climb on. Amka helps pull him up, having him sit in front of her. As he sits atop the spirit he can see the carnage brought upon his family.

“Where–” His eyes are quickly drawn to the crowsnest that had crashed down to the lower deck, where’s Min? He catches sight of a familiar bow, a hand latched onto it, he can’t see the rest of her, but he knows, a sob catching in his throat, her name stuck in it. Imasu is slow to move and horribly Zuko’s mind is quick to tell him to find Heng, his gaze searching the deck. Green stands out from the piles of red around the unmoving man, Heng’s clothes, his skin, covered in horrible burns.

“Heng!” Zuko shouts before he processes the likely reality. Amka holds him in place so he won’t jump from Imasu in an attempt to run toward the earthbender. He doesn’t know why he does it, he should know it’s pointless, but he can’t stop himself from trying, struggling against Amka’s hold. “Heng! Heng!” he’s screaming and the earthbender still doesn’t respond. Zuko can’t help staring, no matter how much he wants to look away his eyes won’t let him. Much of the earthbender’s left side is gone, his arm to his lower ribs. Zuko doesn’t have the mind to guess the cause, as tears blur his vision, he looks down at Heng through tears and finds himself wanting to shake him, to try to wake the man, but Amka holds him tight as Imasu nears the edge of the ship.

Zuko’s eyes finally pull away from Heng’s body, finding instead bloody grey fur below him, shaky fingers gripping at the fur, holding on as they descend toward the water.

Chapter Text

Imasu collapses upon the shore when they finally reach land, sending Amka and him tumbling off the spirit onto the small beach. He doesn’t know how long he lays there for, before he hears Amka trying to get his attention. “Zuko,” her hands are on his shoulders, blue eyes looking down at him, “you gotta stay with me, you can rest soon, I promise,” she says in a tone that’s almost scarily soft, like she’s trying not to spook him. He can barely keep his focus on her though, his eyes looking past her to the water, expecting to see more ships. She’s soon standing, getting him to rise from the sand as well. He feels like his legs might give out at any moment but he manages to stay standing for the time. “Rinse off in the water, we have to get moving before they gather the means to come after us, but it won’t do us any good to be seen–” she grimaces when she looks down at her own blood stained clothes, “like this,”

He can’t get his legs to move, he’s not sure how long it is but she starts pulling him toward the water, he’s pretty sure Amka’s arm is the only thing keeping him from collapsing. He stumbles alongside her like a baby rabbit-deer. Imasu just rolls over so they’re being lapped by the tide that slowly begins to lessen the red in their usually grey and white coat. The sight of the blood vanishing spurs Zuko toward the water, as he wades in, Amka hovering nearby, likely not sure if he’ll collapse with the weight of the tide. Zuko hisses slightly at the feeling of salt water on his fresh cuts and burns, nothing’s immediately dire to focus on, but just about everything hurts and he’s sure to have a few new scars after this. Eventually he’s soaked, as is Amka. It’s an improvement, because this time it’s water.

____

“I’m pretty sure we’re a few days south of the Great Divide” –Amka gestures to the mountains in the distance– “those are the Han Liao mountains, they meet Han Liao, the river in the south.”

“We’re near Gaipan?” he questions, knowing the village is just north of the Han Liao river.

“A week’s walk southeast I believe,” she points in the direction, at the moment they’re just going east. She looks at him after a moment, “we need to find a place to rest, you look ready to collapse,” she says, as though she doesn’t also look moments from passing out. “We should be far enough inland, it’ll take them a while to regroup anyway.” Amka slows her walk before coming entirely to a stop.

Soon enough the two of them are laying against Imasu’s fur, sitting on the forest floor as the sun slowly peaks over the horizon. Zuko wants nothing more than to sleep, but he can’t bring himself to close his eyes. Leki’s eyes, devoid of any of their usual life, stare back at him, glossy and dull at the same time. He can barely blink without seeing them, let alone sleep; he’s sure sleep would only bring on more memories of the night.

“You need to try to sleep Zu–” she trips at his name, or maybe more accurately she stops, because she’s already called him Zuko earlier. Blue eyes look down at him instead of her staring out at the forest that had been going on. “Which would you prefer?”

He’s not sure how to answer, for some reason he still speaks, “you know my little sister calls me Zuzu… I think it’s because she knows it annoys me, she always says it in a kind of mocking way.” He looks at the ground through tear blurred vision. “I always hated that nickname… I didn’t know how to tell Min, and after a while I didn’t hate it… if she was saying it.” He fiddles with his hands, needing something to focus on. “Sorry, I… either’s fine, we’ll be better off going with Zuli though, it’s more common than Zuko.” He doesn’t say that it feels odd hearing her call him Zuko, that it makes him feel guilty. He can see Amka tense at the mention, and a few moments later force her shoulders to settle.

“You don’t have to tell me, but I’d like to know why you left home,” Amka requests in a much too quiet tone for a woman usually so bold, always confident in her words.

He lifts his eyes to her’s, before fully leaning back against Imasu’s fur, just looking at her out of the corner of his good eye. “I told you a bit before, but with you knowing… I can tell you the whole story now.” Zuko welcomes the distraction from his current thoughts, to his memory of the, recently knocked down a place, second most traumatic life experience. She gives a soft sort of hum in acknowledgement for him to continue.

“It’s not much different than what I’d told you before. I spoke out of turn.” He sees her look, the slight disbelief in her expression, he’d told them her before. “If you’re hoping what I’m about to tell you is going to explain anything, it isn’t,” he says with a sharpness he hadn’t meant to put into it, one that makes him look away not to see her reaction. Zuko takes a steadying breath, Amka not saying a word about his tone or the time it takes him to continue, just waiting for him to speak. “It was a war council, the first and only one I ever sat in on. I thought I was old enough to hear more than half conversations in the halls.” Soma had just been given his assignment, he wanted to know what might happen to him, he thinks that likely had a lot to do with his push to be involved. “Some general, I don’t even remember which, he’d come up with a plan to ambush Earth Kingdom troops. He planned to use new recruits as bait.” He hears Amka suck in a breath, and could swear he hears her say something about Pohuai, which would make sense considering it fell to the Fire Nation soon after his banishment. “I shouldn’t have said anything, I knew it wouldn’t matter. I don’t even remember why I thought it was a good idea at the time, I knew there’d be consequences. I yelled at him, told him and the rest of the council what I thought of the plan.”

“You disagreed with using kids barely older than you at the time as a diversion, that should be a given. No one in their right mind would think to do that.”

Zuko can’t help the bitter sort of smile that comes to his lips. “Yes, well, it still wasn’t my place. It was disrespectful and I was told as much.” He clasps his hands together focusing on the pressure of his fingers rather than his thoughts, he doesn’t bother worrying about how the story makes things seem, makes him seem, he just gets the words out. “My punishment was an Agni Kai. I thought it was to show I was willing to fight for my beliefs, a lesson in standing by my word. I'd been training since I was able to make a flame, I was arrogant, I had no fear of facing the general. I had been willing to fight, to prove I should have a say. I didn’t realise who I’d be facing, who I’d be expected to fight in front of hundreds of people.” He can feel Amka tense next to him, clearly knowing some of what’s coming as he’d told them his father had been the one who gave him his scar. “When I turned to see my father, I couldn’t manage a flame, I couldn’t fight him. I was a coward. I begged him for forgiveness, but I’d disrespected him. It was far from the first time I’d said something I shouldn’t have, but it was in front of his generals, at his war council. I’d undermined him.” Zuko doesn’t let himself look at Amka, he’d rather stay ignorant to what she’s thinking for a little while longer, he’s not sure whether her silence bodes well or not. “Not fighting him, it was… well I don’t know what else I was supposed to do. I couldn’t have beat him, I could barely win a spar against my little sister. He…” he trails off, gestures toward his scar, she already knows that bit.

“You shouldn’t have been forced into a fight, against your father no less, you were a child, still are a child,” Amka says with an angry bite that he knows isn’t meant for him. “Then to do something like that when you refuse to fight… spirits.” She breathes out, shaking herself like she’s trying to get energy out, like she wants to fight something she’s unable to.

“I was warned, my uncle had warned me not to speak before the meeting. I chose to be there to begin with,” he reasons. “In the end, I was banished. I’m not sure if the outcome would have been different if I would have been willing to fight him.”

“That’s why you came to the Earth Kingdom,” Amka says, seemingly more thinking out loud than anything else. He can hear her let out a breath, as though she’s trying to calm herself. “There’s no justification for what he did, Zuli. None. To do something like that to your child…” Her voice seems to catch in her throat, a clearing cough following her words.

“Zh–“ he can’t manage to speak the man’s name, “my father has likely been told of my actions as the Blue Spirit. Amka I’m– it’s—” I’m sorry isn’t enough. It’s my fault won’t bring back their family. He’s not sure what to say, because nothing will change or fix what’s happened, what he’s caused.

Amka is silent, and after what feels like an eternity Zuko chances a glance at her, finding her with tears in her eyes, she yanks him close, into a tight, near bone crushing hug. “Don’t you dare apologise. Zhao and his men have been after us for ages, we knew the risks with what we were doing, all of us decided it was more important to do what we believed was right.” She rests her chin on his head, speaking just loud enough for him to hear, “Your father can pull you for my cold dead hands, you're mine now.” She pulls back just enough to look into his eyes. “As long as I breathe you’re my son, and I won’t have anyone say otherwise.”

“Amka…” he says in a choked voice, “you don’t have to–”

“Leki and I had wanted to speak with you,” she says with a shaky sigh, “we just hadn’t figured out how.”

Zuko hasn’t an idea what to say. He’s thought of the crew as his family for a while now. He’d heard what Min –he just barely keeps himself from flinching at the thought of her crushed under the crowsnest– had said when they were at the South Pole, he just hadn’t let himself believe it was true, had worried even if it had been he’d messed it all up. “It won’t be easy, I’ve never been a very good son.”

“You are my son, not out of obligation, but because I know it in my heart that you could never be anything but. It will never be a difficulty to love you. ” she says with a surness in her voice that makes him believe she truly means what she says.

He has a family, a harsh voice in his head bites at him. Does he? His mother has been gone for years, he can only hope she’s alive. His sister follows their father’s word like he’s god, so with him banished she likely does not see him as anything more than a traitor. Without him to worry about, his uncle likely has returned home. And as for his father, he knows the truth, one of the few times Azula hadn’t lied to him, not entirely, his father would sooner kill him than lose his throne.

He thinks of Leki who saw his eyes light at watching her train and always seemed to know what to say. Or Heng, who always cared to listen and despite the tendency to burn things, wouldn't throw him out of the ship’s kitchen, but have the patience to teach him. Min, who taught him what it was like to have a sister who he didn’t have to fear being turned against him by their own father, and was never scared to tell him he was being an idiot while always being his biggest defender when he did something stupid. Then Amka, who seemed to see into his soul at times, who was about as rough around the edges as you’d expect for a ship’s captain, but had done everything in her power to assure him of something so simple, he didn’t have to earn her love. She’d somehow manage to make him want nothing more than to make her proud, which while that wasn’t a new feeling in terms of a parent, the realisation that he didn’t have to fear failure with her, that he was allowed to need help, that was what truly changed everything. He has a family, just not the one he’s been raised to believe he has to call his. Maybe he does know what to say.

“I think you’ve been my family without me realising, nearly as long as I’ve been on the ship,” he admits. He finds Amka’s eyes properly, only mustering a small smile in his tiredness, but not for lack of emotion, “I would be honored to be your son,” he says, letting out a relieved breath with the word.

His words have him pulled into another tight hug, “I love you, Zuko.”

“I loved you too,” he mumbled quietly, melting into the hug, which soon enough led to him falling asleep against Amka’s side, finally the exhaustion winning out.

Chapter Text

“Shang Pier would be our best option to get passage north. I have a few people I can call in favors with that are often there,” Amka explains as they walk. “We’ll have to find the valley that runs through these mountains though, having to scale them will take too long with our lack of supplies.”

Imasu’s howl sounds through the forest, Zuko turns to him in question, uncertain what the spirit is doing as they’ve been incredibly quiet in the hours they’d been walking, the most noise they’d made was drinking from a river they’d found about an hour ago. Imasu stops in front of them, keeping them from moving forward.

A few long moments pass before the trees seem to make space for a giant panda, incredibly huge even in comparison to Imasu, to walk through the forest. Zuko’s sure it’s a spirit immediately, Hei Bai, his mind supplies helpfully, or more likely the spirit does.

“His name’s Hei Bai,” Zuko says, his eyes never leaving the spirit. “Hello,” he greets with a slight bow. The spirit echoes the action, before slowly turning back the way he came. “I think he wants us to follow him.” Imasu confirms his belief by following Hei Bai when he begins to walk. Amka doesn’t question it, joining Zuko when he follows behind the two spirits. He’s glad she doesn’t because he’s not certain he could explain why and where the spirit is guiding them.

They aren’t walking more than a few minutes before they’re at the base of the mountains. It should have been at least a day before they reached them, but with the spirit guiding them through the forest it was almost no time at all. Hei Bai doesn’t stay long, but in the moments before he leaves Imasu and him seem to have some sort of silent conversation, parting with polite bows –well, as much as animal spirits can bow– to each other.

____

The paths through the mountain shorten their travel time immensely, it’s only a day before they arrive at Shang Pier. It’s busy enough so that Amka keeps looking to make sure he’s still next to her, of course with Imasu following behind them most people give them a wide berth, but the crowd can only split so much even with a giant possum wolf walking among them.

“Amka! Is that you?!” A man, a decent few years Amka’s senior, with warm dark skin and green eyes shouts from the top of a large wooden ship, busy with quite a few sailors loading and unloading various boxes. He wears a long coat, almost the color of sand, that flairs with the wind as he makes his way down the gangplank.

“Hisham, busy as always I see,” Amka greets, as they near the large ship.

“I am lucky, business has been going well for us,” he smiles, his gaze flits past her to Zuko and of course up to Imasu, “who are your new friends?’

“I’m glad to hear it.” Amka guides Zuko in front of her slightly, “this is my son, Zuli,” she squeezes his shoulder in a silent sort of reassurance, “and our friend here is Imasu.”

“Your son!” Hisham exclaims, his smile bright, “it’s lovely to meet you Zuli.”

“It’s nice to meet you too sir,” he says with a short bow, wanting to make a good impression, or maybe a bit on instinct. Amka had just introduced him as her son. Her son. She’d called him her son, but just to him was one thing. She’d called him her son to someone else, to someone she’s clearly close with.

Hisham laughs, “there’s no need for the formalities,” he assures. “And hello to you too Imasu, you’re a spirit aren’t you?” he questions the possum wolf, who gives a slight nod in response. “You’ll have to tell me how you met,” he says to the three of them now before turning his gaze back to Amka, “you and Leki must be so happy.” His head inclined toward Zuko to make his point.

None of them are able to hide the way they tense at Leki’s name, Zuko curling himself back slightly into Amka, who lets out a shuddering breath. Imasu lower’s their head slightly, Zuko can just see them resting it upon Amka’s own, likely in an attempt at a comforting weight.

It seems the man has no trouble understanding what the reactions likely means, “I believe this is something we should discuss more privately,” he says in a much quieter tone, gesturing for them to follow him.

____

Within the captain’s quarters Amka explains what happened aboard the Tiriganiarjuk. It’s a bit selfish maybe, but Zuko’s grateful he doesn’t have to be the one to do so. It’s a somber conversation, because fights aboard ships, against powerful enemies, are only grand when it doesn’t end in horrible losses, stories like what transpired aren’t sung in taverns, they’re whispered as warnings. Zuko hadn’t sat at the table like Amka had, instead on the floor leant against Imasu, who’s curled up around him.

Hisham’s sorrow at the tale is not hidden, the man’s face looks more his age without a smile lighting it, he looks much more like a ship captain though, with his serious look. His hand clasped together tightly, so much so his knuckles pale, the lines of his face suddenly so much deeper. He looks to Amka, “I’m headed north, not so far as you plan to go, we both know Agna Qel’a doesn’t appreciate outsiders, but we trade with the northern coastal villages, I can get you that far.”

Zuko listens from where he sits but doesn’t weigh in on the plan, he doesn’t mention that he’s also an outsider, that’s something he’d rather talk to Amka about in private, or maybe just ignore and hope he doesn’t cause any issues.

“I’d be in your debt, Hisham,” Amka says with an almost relieved sigh.

“Never, Amka, not after what you’ve done for my family,” Hisham speaks with an inarguable tone. “Let’s get you three settled.”

____

Zuko’s on the top deck of the Ruh Tayba, thankfully changed out of his poorly cleaned clothes, sure it was better that they weren’t covered in blood, but the salt water had made them dry stiff and there were certainly some burnt bits. Zuko usually wouldn’t worry much about clothes, but thinking about them was better than addressing the pit in his stomach being back on a ship, or at the length of time they’re docked. He can’t help the way he scans the busy pier, just waiting to see him, to see Fire Navy sailors, or a metal ship. He couldn’t get himself to untense, his body wound tight, waiting for the next enemy.

“Zuli?” A voice calls from behind him, one it takes a moment to recognise, but it clicks quickly enough. He turns to find a brown haired teen, his hair just as choppily cut as the last time they met. His brown eyes seem to widen when he turns, confirming for the Earth teen that it is actually him.

“Oooh so this is Zuli,” the person next to him says in a sort of teasing tone.

Jet sends them a glare before turning back to him, “it’s been a while…” he says with an almost heavy air at the end as he seems to look over Zuko, like he’s cataloging the differences from before.

“You’ve made friends,” Zuko says, referencing the two on either side of him.

“Zuli, meet Smellerbee,” he gestures to the shorter person beside him, “and Longshot,” the tallest of the three. “We met on my way to Han Liao pier, where we joined on.”

It’s not long before the four are sitting in a somewhat quiet corner of the deck, most of the crates of merchandise and supplies being on board now means then three can take a bit to talk.

“So what brings you aboard?” Jet asks, “I doubt you plan to join on.” Zuko’s not sure what exactly his expression does that has the other boy quick to explain, “life on a merchant ship doesn’t seem like something you’d be interested in.”

“Amka’s friends with Hisham, he offered passage up north,” Zuko keeps his explanation brief.

Jet opens his mouth but almost as quickly snaps it shut, like he thinks better of whatever question he was going to ask. It's a few long moments before he actually says something, “guess you’ll be around for a while then, it’s a long trip up, especially with the stops. You should stick with us, we can make sure no one gives you trouble.”

This time Zuko’s sceptical look is on purpose, both because he’s plenty fine taking care of himself if someone gives him trouble, but more so, he doubts it’ll go over well with how close Amka and Hisham seem.

“Not to say you couldn’t handle it yourself, I mean with the whole uh…” he looks at his friends, “pirate thing, I’m sure you know what you’re doing.” He avoids mentioning the Blue Spirit, which likely means he’d not told his friends of his identity, thankfully.

Zuko doesn’t hear what’s said, but he does see Smellerbee snicker before whispering something to Longshot, who despite his schooled expression through their conversation so far gives a slight smirk.

“I am not,” Jet argues, looking at the girl beside him.

“Yeah sure, your face is just like that ‘cause of the cold,” Smellerbee seems to tease.

Zuko looks back to Jet now, he’s flushed, maybe that’s what this is about? He’s not got any other guesses. “It is pretty cold today…” he muses slightly, a cold front had moved in despite them being in an area with usually quite mild weather outside of the rainy season.

____

Unlike the Tiriganiarjuk, a small ship with just enough room for a few supplies and the small crew, the Ruh Tayba is a rather large merchant ship, most of the space taken up by cargo, while those who work on the ship share a few bunk rooms. Jet and his group are certainly the youngest on the ship, not much of a surprise considering most of the work requires quite a bit of muscle, though even in the short time he’s known Hisham, he’s not surprised by his willingness to give the three a chance. Everyone else on the ship Zuko’s seen seems to be at least a decade his senior, and they act like they’ve known each other for ages, maybe they have.

With an empty bunk in their room, Zuko ends up staying with Jet’s group, any other night he might be fine with that, but tonight he wished Amka was nearby, not in a different room, close by, but not reachable, he couldn’t go waking her roommates. Imasu is passed out on the floor of their room, taking up most of it, so getting up without waking them and probably everybody else wouldn't be the easiest even if going to find Amka was any option.

Instead Zuko stares at the wooden slats above him, only a couple feet from his face, Jet’s bunk above his own. He can’t close his eyes, he’s tried plenty of times tonight, staring into the darkness is better than staring into the lifeless eyes that appear each time he tries to fall asleep. Sleep attempts to trap him, drag him down into the depth of his memories, and for hours he keeps it at bay, but he can only do it so long.

He’s knelt down in blood, it’s not his, he wishes it was, because then maybe he wouldn’t be staring into lifeless gray eyes, maybe he’d be able to hear her voice, maybe she’d have called him her son. But instead she lays motionless, and he’s soaked in her blood.

He’s not sure how long he’d even been asleep, maybe he’d only closed his eyes moments ago, he hadn’t even been laying down, still leaning against the wall where he’d been for who knows how long. He chokes back a sob, covering his mouth to try to muffle the sound.

He didn't fall asleep again that night.

Chapter Text

A black mask shrouds the lower half of his face, a hood shadowing his scar from an easy view, and dark attire concealed the rest of him. He knew the Fire Nation naval base like the back of his hand, it had been expected of him as a child –his uncle would tell him he still is a child– He disappointed his family in many ways, had the scars to prove he was a failure, but this was something he’s always excelled at. With quick, near silent steps he set his charges, none of the patrols alerted to his presence. He knew where he’d be, now he had to get there and get them both out before the charges went off, he had plenty of time.

He quickly found the room he was looking for, it took longer to get the door open, breaking it down would’ve been easier but Zuko was trying not to alert anyone to his presence just yet. He eventually managed to get it, slipping into the room. His vision didn’t need much time to adjust to the dark since it was night outside and the halls were dim, but he took the extra second to look at the sleeping form on one of the low bunks. It had been months since he’d seen him, he’d left before everything happened, he wouldn’t know anything beyond rumors. Zuko could only hope that he’d trust him, that his feelings weren’t fleeting after six months apart. He had to believe they hadn’t, because his own were still the same.

With a shaky release of a breath he hadn’t realised he was holding, he was moving. He covered the sailor's mouth before waking him, not wanting him to wake the others in the room. As expected, he awoke with a start, but Zuko had been prepared for that, keeping the other boy in place. He shook off his hood, gold eyes meeting Soma’s warm amber-brown. It only took a second for him to recognise who Zuko was, he could feel him go to speak against his hand. The exiled prince held a finger to his masked lips, telling the other to stay quiet, then a questioning look to make sure he got it. Soma nods his acceptance before Zuko pulls his hand away. He gestures for Soma to follow him, and his boyfriend –maybe? He’s not sure they’re still together– quickly rises to do just that.

Once they get into the hallway Soma’s speaking in frantic whispers, “what are you doing here? Zhao said– you snuck in to see me?”

“I’m here to get you out,” Zuko explains.

“Get me out?” He shakes his head in disagreement? Maybe in surprise? He’s not entirely sure which it is until Soma continues in a hushed voice, “Zuko you can’t be serious.”

“I wasn’t just going to leave you here.” Zuko remembers how terrified Soma had been when he got his assignment, they’d both assumed he’d be put with his father’s men, maybe one of his brothers or his oldest sister who were all decorated in their own right. Neither of them expected the Navy, let alone stuck with Zhao.

“I’m not deserting,” Soma says in a biting whisper, eyes narrowing as though trying to focus more on him. Why? Zuko isn’t certain, maybe he thinks it’s a trick, that seems like something Zhao would do, but putting him up to it isn’t likely. They both tense at the sound of footsteps, neither saying a word until the sound of heavy boots on metal disappears. After a lengthy silence Soma is the one who speaks up, “I can’t leave, even if I wanted to, you know what that would do to my family.” Soma looks up at the dark metal ceiling, rubbing his face roughly with his hands. He focuses his gaze back to Zuko, “why do you think I was sent to this crappy port instead of with any of my family? All of my older siblings served under my father. This is punishment, and it's a chance to prove I won’t disappoint them anymore.” It takes a moment for what he means to sink in, what his father had likely found out. Zuko goes to speak but Soma lets out a rough breath, like he’s exasperated at the now mostly one-sided conversation. He glares at him, before a much more biting comment follows, “I’m not you Prince Zuko,” this was only the second time Soma had called him by his title without it being a joke, the first was the day they met. It’s jarring, the word purposely harsh, spoken like an insult. “I can’t vanish and my family survive it, I can’t leave my nation behind and not be hunted down. What do you think will happen when someone finds out it was you? You think people won’t put it together? The moment your sister hears a word of it she’ll know, she made enough jokes about us, and I doubt she’ll keep what she finds out from your father.”

“Soma, I just don’t want you getting hurt,” he says, his tone immediately unsure, shaky and quiet. He already knows he won’t convince him, because Soma’s right. Zuko got out, not unscarred of course, but he’d brought that on himself. He got to leave though, he wasn’t jailed for what he’d done, he wasn’t killed. He got away, no real risk to himself unless he chose so, certainly no risk to his family, at least not what is left of it. He’d long since learnt he couldn’t protect his family, not even while in the palace, not when it was his father they needed protecting from.

“Then leave,” Soma states, not as harshly as he could. They’ve been close this whole time, but he takes a step closer, his palm resting against his mask covered cheek. “I need you to leave. Please, Zuko.”

Zuko leans into his hand, almost like instinct. “Okay,” he whispers with a quiet sigh. He gathers himself somewhat quickly, forcing his eyes away from Soma’s, he takes a large step back, because if he’s in arms reach he’s certain he’d not be able to bring himself to leave. “Go back to bed, quickly. My distraction will likely wake much of the base, and we don’t have much time.”

Soma takes a step back toward his door, “don’t get yourself caught, yeah?”

Zuko shrugs, “that wasn’t the plan.” He turns to start down the hall, mostly because he’s not sure he can look at Soma while saying goodbye, not again. In the end he can’t manage should finality, “may Agni keep you safe,” he says in an almost painfully formal tone, knowing anything else will end in him distracted and possibly drowning in his own tears.

Soma doesn’t allow him the reprieve, letting out a slight laugh, “what are you my grandmother? Goodbye, Zuko.”

____

Early in the morning, arguably still night, Zuko rouses the sleeping spirit laying against his bunk, silently willing them to be quiet. Imasu wakes with near silent movements, ones that shouldn’t be possible of an animal their size, but that doesn’t seem to affect the possum wolf.

As Zuko moves from the room, pulling on the coat that had been provided —a hand-me-down from one of Hisham’s sons– it’s old, and mended in plenty of spots, but it’s warm enough for nights on the water. Imasu follows closely as he makes his way to the deck. Zuko is not surprised to find some sailors working in the early hour, bringing up crates of items they’ll need for the day. It is rare that a ship is silent, especially one so large. Zuko had rarely been on such a vessel, but his ship –more correctly his uncle’s– while smaller, was never silent, always work to do.​​ The Tiriganiarjuk would lull into a comfortable silence occasionally, and now, hearing the shout of sailors going about their duties, he wanted nothing more than the cozy quiet of the captain’s quarters when they all gathered after a long day.

He looks out at the ocean, something he’s found himself doing quite a lot in the week they’ve been aboard the Ruh Tayba, he can’t shake the worry that he’ll see Zhao’s ships on the horizon, that he’ll be the cause for more people dying. While those of this crew aren’t family necessarily, he’s come to find them quite kind, even with Jet having been concerned originally. It helps that a good portion of the crew are either Hisham family, or have been on so long that they might as well be, and the man has been incredibly kind toward Amka and him.

Zuko’s not sure how long he’s standing out there, his eyes focused on the dark blue of the very early morning, as though he’d see any of the incoming ships, it’s long enough for the sky to start to turn the grey-ish blue of true morning.

“Couldn’t sleep?” Jet asks, leaning against the wooden railing of the ship.

He only sort of registers him there, hearing him but it takes a while for him to respond, multiple nights of little sleep are wearing on him. In the end he only manages a shrug and a slight glance toward the other boy. After a long few moments he yanks his eyes away, glaring to the brightening sky.

“You’re angry,” he points out.

Jet doesn’t say he’s sad, distant, scared even, all of which are true, but he says angry, and he’s correct. Zuko hasn’t felt like this since he woke on his uncle’s ship, half his face bandaged. He hadn’t been allowed to stay even long enough to be treated in the palace, or maybe it had been Iroh’s decision to remove him immediately. Zuko never asked what led to him being on the ship. He was furious, and it showed. He’d been horrible to the crew and to his uncle. It was only after what happened with Soma that he calmed down, or maybe it was less that and more so he didn’t have the time with Zhao after him. It didn’t matter anymore, because he wasn’t angry at himself for his foolishness in going against his father. While Jet isn’t wrong… he’s not sure he understands who exactly Zuko’s angry with, none of this would have happened if he hadn’t gone with Amka, if he’d left the first chance he got.

Zuko’s knuckle pale with his grip on the rail, it was his fault. Zhao had been after him. Soma was trying to attack him. They’d taken him in. They’d protected him. They were his family, and he brought ruin to them, just as he does to everyone he loves. His mother, his cousin, his uncle, even his sister. He never should have believed he could stay, maybe it’s selfish he’s staying now.

“I’m angry too,” Jet sighs, “I’m not sure I remember how not to be, but I’m trying to figure it out.”

Zuko lets his eyes return to Jet, not hiding his uncertainty, “I don’t think I do either.”

“Then we’ll just have to figure out how not to be angry together.”

And maybe it’s foolish, it probably is, Zuko rarely makes sound decisions, but he finds himself agreeing. Jet tugs him into a side armed hug, pulling his harsh grip from the bars and distracting him with a smirk. Maybe this’ll be one of the good ones.

____

Zuko’s up late into the night, though this isn’t the lifeless grey eyes of Leki that he’s fearful of tonight, instead he sees amber-brown full of betrayal. Zuko hates it, because he shouldn’t be feeling guilty. Soma had killed Leki, an incredible woman he would’ve been proud to have as his mother, who may as well have been even without discussion, yet he feels that horrid pit in his stomach. He’d killed him, a boy he’d risked capture by Zhao in an attempt to rescue him, a boy he loved. He was sure he had, even now, that it wasn't some fickle childhood crush, not for him.

He yanks at his hair, down from its usual ponytail, pulled from the tie by all his fury. He lets out a rough breath, furious with himself, with the ache of his heart for a man who killed someone so dear to him, for a man he killed in revenge.

“Scoot over,” Jet’s voice snaps him from his thoughts. He blinks up at him a few times, trying to fully process the request, his mind nearly entirely focused on the brown eyes in front of him. They don’t look like Soma, not in the slightest, despite the mildly similar color. Jet’s eyes aren’t warm in the way Soma’s once were, they aren’t cold with betrayal and suspicion as they were in his last moments either. Jet’s eyes are almost harsh, a fierceness in them he can’t hide, they’re the eyes of someone who needs to fight, who wants revenge, they’re so alive it’s almost a little scary.

Zuko shakes away the thoughts, moving over so Jet can sit next to him in the bunk. He doesn’t allow himself to look at Jet again, instead leaning his head against the wooden wall of the ship, staring up at the bottom of Jet’s bunk as he’s done every night since coming aboard.

“This is the first time I’ve seen you with your hair down,” he comments, instead of saying whatever it was that he’d probably been planning to. “I think it suits you, letting it grow out I mean.”

“It was longer before–” he pauses slightly, pulling a bit at the ends of his hair that have grown enough to fall a bit past his shoulders now, “--I left. I had to cut it when…” he gestures to the scar.

“Let me guess, you wore it in a topknot, all proper like,” Jet says in an almost teasing tone.

“Why would you think that?” he mumbles, cheeks warm with mild embarrassment, because it’s not as though he’s incorrect.

“You just seem like you would,” Jet shrugs, “fancy like that or whatever. I’m sure it looked nice.” A smirk pulls at the other boy’s lips, Zuko only catches the expression out of the corner of his eye.

“I rather not stand out more than I already do,” he admits.

Jet hums slightly, “you are pretty distracting…” he says almost like he’s thinking out loud. “I mean, like what I said before, you seem like you could be an actor or whatever,” Jet explains with a half smirk.

“Please tell me you did not tell Smellerbee or Longshot that I was in an acting troupe…” Zuko sighs, finally managing to get himself to look at Jet, if only so he can tell if the other boy is lying.

I said nothing of the sort–” Jet says, his arms up in mocking surrender, “Smellerbee came up with that idea all on her own, thinks you were part of some frufru company, like one of those who perform for nobles and such. Longshot on the other hand thinks your some child assassin gone rogue.” He laughs a bit, but quickly reigns himself in, meeting Zuko’s eyes. “You don’t have to tell us, we all have our pasts we’d rather not talk about,” he says with what Zuko is sure is complete sincerity.

“I can assure neither of those are true,” he says with a small sort of smile. “Thanks, Jet.”

“Ugh! Would you two just kiss already?” Smellerbee shouts, glaring at them from her bunk, half up now. She’s met with a face full of pillow immediately, Jet throwing his directly at her. She tucks said pillow behind herself, “you’re not getting this back.” She turns over away from them, “continue on with your flirting or whatever.”

“We weren’t flirting!” Jet shouts, nearly grabbing Zuko’s pillow to throw at her next but he’s quick to grab it so they aren’t both without one tonight, not that Zuko’s likely to sleep, but he can lend Jet his.

“Yeah, yeah,” Smellerbee waves him off, tucking her blanket back over herself.

“Ignore her– you okay?” Jet questions, and it’s only then that Zuko realised he’d been staring, shaking his head to get himself to stop.

“Yeah, I’m alright,” he says with an uncertain sort of smile.

Jet is slow to say anything else, and as he opens his mouth he’s interrupted by his own yawn. “Ah, mind if we share your pillow?” He asks, cheeks red, and it is only this time that Zuko really understands why that might be.

Zuko nods, putting the pillow he’d kept Jet from throwing at Smellerbee back down on the bed.

After a few long and admittedly a bit awkward moments of trying to sort themselves out with the singular pillow, they manage a mostly comfortable position, tightly back to back with the size of the bed. Zuko’s rather certain he won’t manage any sleep, but it isn’t ten minutes later that he finds his eyes dropping and the world slowly turning black.

Chapter Text

Zuko keeps a vague eye on the few crew members passing them, seeing if anyone’s listening to the conversation going on as they walk up to the deck. He tries his best not to look tense, he knows Hisham is a good guy, and from everything he’s learnt about the crew he really shouldn’t be worried, but all he can think about is the always listening ears of the palace, how badly the could end.

“Come on Jet,” Smellerbee teases, “you two were absolutely canoodling,” the girl says much too loudly.

“We were not,” he argues, his face flushed red, and just barely holding back a laugh, not all concerned about who might be listening in. “It’s not my fault you didn’t give me back my pillow,” he says, crossing his arms with a joking sort of glare.

She rolls her eyes at Jet, “I figured someone had to help you to love birds–”

“Could you quiet down,” Zuko says, maybe a bit harsher than he means to, but frankly he doesn’t really care, choosing to back his tone with a pointed glare.

Smellerbee looks at him with slightly wide eyes, seeming to be on guard almost immediately, “what’s your problem?” She bites back, matching his own tone. He sees Jet looking between them, seeming a bit shocked by the sudden anger.

“Just stop, alright?” Zuko says with a rough breath out, taking a step back from the group. “I’ll see you later,” he says, walking away with Imasu at his heels as is so often the case. He doesn’t look back when Jet calls out, or when Smellerbee tells him to “let him be a jerk if he wants to be.”

____

Zuko leans against Amka’s side slightly, his eyes staring into the fire, but not really looking at it. “Jet likes me,” he mutters. He doesn’t know what to feel about the whole Jet situation, it’s not as though Zuko doesn’t like him, but he’s not sure like is enough right now, not after everything. Even if it was, even if Zuko hadn’t freaked out this morning, they aren’t going to be on the ship forever, it’ll only be a couple more weeks til they reach Ummi, the Northern Water Tribe port town that Hisham trades with.

“I think he has for a while, seemed quite taken with you when we were in Gaipan,” Amka says as she continues to carefully sharpen her dagger, she rarely uses it, but she seems to care for it as much as Zuko does his own blades. “You don’t like him back?”

He gives a sort of uncertain hum, because maybe, in a way that is very different from how he’d describe his feelings for– he can see the blades coming toward him, ones so similar to his own, Soma hadn’t always used Dao blades, Zuko’s not sure when he’d traded his straight sword for the two curves blades. Either way, they’d been trained by the same man, and yet they never fought all that similarly. Soma moved with force, he wasn’t exceptionally fast, but strong and confident in his attacks, he really wasn’t suited to the blades he’d turned to. Zuko, despite his lack of skill with his bending compared to his family, moves like fire does, quick and often unpredictably. His thoughts screeched to a halt with the sight of red before him, soaking the world. His hands are covered, he tries to wipe the blood away but his hands are dripping with it. He can’t get them clean, with every attempt more blood seems to run down his arms.

“Zuli!” Amka’s knelt in front of him, her hands holding his, and the blood seems to be gone, she must have given him water to clean them, he’s just not sure when, his hands aren’t wet. “Kid, look at me,” she says just stern enough to get his attention, but looking at her, he can see the pull of her brows and the storm in her eyes, her worry kept carefully calm.

“I killed him,” he finds himself saying before he can think better of it.

Amka doesn’t seem to react outwardly, at least not in any way Zuko notices, “I'm rather sure we aren’t talking about Jet,” she says quietly. The deck isn’t very full, the fire basin they were sat by only them, he’s rather sure it had been that way for quite a long while before he’d even spoken in the first place.

“Soma,” he breathes out.

It’s barely noticeable, he probably wouldn’t have seen it if he wasn’t looking at her so intently, trying to keep himself from seeing anything beyond Amka’s gaze, he’s not sure what he’ll see if he looks away. Her eyes widen just slightly, and only for a barest moment before her expression is returned to a sort of soft neutral. “He was on the ship,” she says quietly, she carefully reaches to his face, wiping the tears falling from his eye. “Oh my boy,” Amka breathes out the words.

“He killed Leki,” he admits, because she should know the truth, or at least as much as he can manage to get out right now, with head still too filled with the horrors of that day.

He’s pulled into a hug by the Water Tribe woman, Amka, by his mom, who’s now holding him tight, her arms keeping him upright. And slowly he loops his arms around her too, as he feels his tunic dampen.

____

It’s late when Zuko returns to his shared room, but the three are still very much awake, and worse, their conversation stops the moment he walks in the room. He moves around the small room, avoiding Smellerbee’s bunk and the floor near it where the three are gathered, the conversation starting up again but this time in hushed whispers that he can’t make out. Despite the size of the bunk Imasu finds it necessary to wedge themself into Zuko’s, and he can’t find it in him to be upset by it. He sheds the jacket he’d been wearing, tossing it over the end of the bunk before wedging himself against the possum wolf, curling against the white and grey fur. He ignores the various words he manages to hear, despite a few times certainly being his name. After a few minutes he turns away from the group, burying his face in Imasu’s fur. He knows he’d messed up, he really wasn’t certain how though, sure he’d been harsh but they had to understand.

“Just let him sulk Jet, he brought it on himself,” Smellerbee says loud enough for him to hear. He can’t make out what Jet says in response, only vaguely hearing the sound of his voice.

Zuko has had a rough enough night to begin with, his face just cleaned of the tears before he returned. He doesn’t have the patience to explain, not right now, they’ll just have to wait till morning. He pulls the blanket that’s been shoved to the side by Imasu over himself, trying to make it obvious he’s not talking tonight. He doesn’t sleep for a long while, listening to the bit of their conversation he can make out, and feeling an intense gaze on his back every few minutes that he knows is just. It’s far from a peaceful night, but at least the long while of activity keeps memories away.

It’s sometime hours later that the floorboard creaks with the sounds of everyone heading to their bunk, and it can’t be more than a few minutes before he hears Jet’s voice, “You gonna stop pretending to be asleep?” He doesn’t move at first, assuming the other boy will give up on his attempt at conversation. “I’m not stupid Zuli,” he says with a sort of huff.

Slowly Zuko turns from where the possum wolf spirit is sleeping to Jet standing at the side of his bed, pushing himself up so he's sitting, which earns him a sleepy grumble from Imasu, but the spirit doesn’t wake.

“Are we gonna talk or are you planning on proving Smellerbee right? She’s insufferable when she’s right.”

“Yeah, sisters are like that,” Zuko comments as he gets up, because apparently they’re doing this.

____

The deck isn’t entirely quiet when they get up there, but it’s about as quiet as it gets and the two of them find an empty corner, far from the crew that’s up and about still working, or getting air. Jet leans against the railing of the ship, a look of expectation, one Zuko pulls his own gaze away from to look for anyone being near enough to hear their conversation.

“I hadn’t meant to upset you or Smellerbee, it's just– you can’t talk about stuff like that so casually,” Zuko says, leaning against the rail next to Jet rather than looking at him.

“What do you mean, stuff like that?” Jet questions, and he doesn’t sound on guard necessarily, but he’s certainly not pleased, his tone harsh as he quotes Zuko.

“Your interest in me.”

“Why? Because you’re Fire Nation?”

“No. Because I’m a boy…”

Jet looks at him with wide eyes, a reaction that only lasts a second before he isn’t looking at Zuko at all, seemingly trying to sort out whatever it is he’s thinking, and frankly Zuko’s a bit glad to sort out his own confusion. Had they thought it was an issue with Jet being from the Earth Kingdom? On further thought Zuko can see how that makes sense. Of course the issue hadn’t actually been with Jet at all.

“Where are you from that people actually care about that? Laws like those are for Ba Sing Se or GaoLing, uppity cities full of nobles that want power over other people.” Jet says with a scrunched expression.

He doesn’t say anything for a long while, trying to figure out if Jet is serious. He knows the Earth Kingdom is a big place of course, but he also has heard plenty about their opinions on people like him. He saw how careful Amka and Leki were off the ship, they never did anything that could hint beyond a professional relationship, barely even the casual affections of something platonic. Of course not everywhere is so strict, he knows Ember Island, where the Fire Lord’s laws didn’t always seem so absolute, but he can’t just hope that places are like there, he had to be prepared for the worst.

“I grew up in Hari Balkan, it’s the capital of the Fire Nation.”

Zuko watches as a mess of different emotions flash over Jet’s face, eventually levels Zuko with an almost pleading look, “You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me. You’re actually nobility aren’t you?” Jet asks, though he doesn’t really wait for an answer. “Smellerbee will never let me live this down.”

For a moment Zuko considers telling the truth, because arguably he really should take this chance to do so, but at the same time he’s not sure anything could go back to normal if he did, even this half-truth might make things irreparable.

“This is where you tell me I’m wrong,” Jet prompts.

Zuko just gives a sort of uncertain smile, because he can’t bring himself to actually tell the lie, but he’ll let Jet assume. They’re in the middle of the ocean, and even if they weren’t he’d rather Jet not hate him. Besides, he’s very likely never returning home -at least not until the war ends- so is he even really a prince anymore?

“I should’ve fucking known, how did I not realise that?”

“You were really stuck on your actor theory.”

There’s a long silence between them before Jet speaks up again, “did you leave because of…?” His tone is more careful, like he isn’t sure about the question, or considering the way his gaze seems to flicker to Zuko’s left, maybe it is more a concern that he didn’t just leave because of the Fire Nation’s attitude toward his orientation.

“No, my father didn’t know, I’m not sure if he does now, but I’ve done plenty else to earn his ire.”

“Yeah, I don’t think he’d be particularly pleased with you blowing up Fire Nation bases,” Jet comments.

“Well he’d already kicked me out before I started doing that,” Zuko comments with a shrug. He shouldn’t be surprised by the look of concern that crosses Jet’s face, but truthfully he’d expected him to laugh.

“He did that,” Jet starts, another quick look at his left side to make his point, “didn’t he?”

Zuko can hear the anger in his tone, he sure Jet’s head is full of how it had happened, of excuses for why it wasn’t his fault. Zuko know’s his father’s a tyrant, that’s not up for debate with him, but he’d been foolish that day at the war council. Uncle Iroh had warned him not to speak, he knew that he was meant to just observe. Zuko knew better, he always did, and yet he always somehow messed up. His father’s reaction -his punishment- may have been extreme, but Zuko could have avoided it, if he’d just done as he was supposed to.

There’s no justification for what he did. None. Amka’s voice rings in his head.

“I’d rather not talk about it…”

Saying his father was wrong for what he did is too much. He’d been disrespectful. He had never been good enough. And yet… Zuko shakes his head, ridding himself of the thoughts, it’s not as though it’ll change anything.

“Would you rather talk about how Smellerbee is apparently the worst wingwoman ever?” Jet questions, a quick change of subject.

“I’m not sure she’s all that bad,” he says, a slight smile directed at Jet.

Jet’s brown eyes widened with the comment, though his signature smirk is pulling at his lips a moment later. “Yeah, maybe she did alright.”

Chapter Text

“Pengpeng?” Jet questions when Zuko says the town’s name.

“Amka said it was named after Kyoshi’s sky bison,” he explains, not that he’d know, sure he knows a few bits about Kyoshi, but nothing so specific. Amka has plenty of facts about the Avatars though, a few about all of them, but mostly Kyoshi, which all things considered makes plenty of sense.

Jet gives him a look that tells him he’s said something weird, or at least a bit confusing, “didn’t know sky bison exist.” He gestures to the town beyond the pier, “we’ve got a few hours before the supplies from Ba Sing Se get here, want to go see if there’s anything interesting going on?”

Zuko decides not to bring up why sky bison herds don’t pepper the Taihua Mountains anymore. “Should we go find Smellerbee and Longshot?”

“I thought… it could just be us,” Jet comments, his slight, crooked smile pulling at his lips.

It takes Zuko a moment to get his meaning, despite the fact that over the past week Jet had seemed to always be near, even without Smellerbee and Longshot. “Oh.” He doesn’t manage a better response, instead his instinct to search for if this might not be what he thinks, even if he knows pretty certainly it is, “alright.”

____

The port town, despite not being particularly large, is incredibly crowded, sailors bustling around whether working or taking a break. The streets are full of various vendors peddling everything from imported fabrics to fresh cooked foods. They wandered without a plan beyond their own curiosity, exploring the busy town of Pengpeng. Of course the two hadn’t actually managed to get off the ship on their own, but Imasu’s decision to follow along had shown to be beneficial as people cleared a path around the possum wolf.

“Have you ever been up to the Northern Water Tribe?” Jet asks, as they’re roaming around a weapons shop, mostly looking for a gift from Smellerbee’s upcoming birthday. Zuko had suggested a knife when Jet mentioned the upcoming date, who easily agreed that it would be something the girl enjoyed.

“No, Amka never brought anyone when she went home. I’m not sure she and her family get on well.”

“Amka’s incredible though! I mean she’s been fighting the Fire Navy for longer than we’ve been alive! How could they not think she’s amazing?” Jet argues, and Zuko’s reminded of the first time he’d met Jet, the way he’d followed Amka around when they’d returned to the ship, absolutely starstruck by her.

Zuko shakes his head, “she doesn’t talk much about it. I know the Water Tribes have rather strict gender roles, she doesn’t adhere to them. Also not everyone thinks being a pirate is as cool as you do,” Zuko jokes lightly.

“You’re lucky I think being a pirate is cool, made me give you a chance,” Jet says with a teasing glare.

“Please, you gave me a chance because you thought I was pretty, you look like an actor,” he says mimicking the other boy’s voice in a poor impression.

“I miss when you were oblivious…” Jet mumbles, though he breaks his grumpy tone for a soft sort of smirk when he looks back at him.

“Oh what about this one,” Zuko says, carefully pulling a thin dagger from the rack of blades. “It’s small enough she could keep it in her boot, or a sheath in her sleeve,” he suggests.

Jet hums for a few moments, taking the blade from Zuko to look at. It’s not a long decision, though considering they’ve been in the shop for a while, maybe it was, but he quickly decided this was the correct option.

____

After a while of walking around, and somewhat scaring everyone with their tailing spirit, they get food from one of the many stalls set up around town and find a bench seat.

“Are you planning on staying with the Ruh Taybah long?” Zuko questions a bit into the sharing bits of the few things they’d gotten from the stall. He’d been wondering since the first day on the ship, he’d been a bit shocked Jet had been willing to leave Gaipan at all.

He watches as Jet’s expression turns a bit sour, or a bit too serious maybe. He shakes his head, it seems more like he’s trying to shake away whatever he was thinking than answering Zuko. He doesn’t answer right away, taking a bite of one of the kabobs they’d bought, his gaze watching the people walking by them. Zuko doesn’t press for a response, going back to eating. It’s a little while before he answers, “I’m not sure what there will be to go back to.” He rubs his face, and Zuko’s not sure if he’d caught the sight of the other boy’s eyes welling or if it was just a trick of the bright afternoon sun. “They’ve taken most of the villages in the forest and the Earth Kingdom military hasn’t sent anyone to defend beyond the port towns. I want to help but– I’m just one person.”

“If you go in with your hook swords you’ll do just fine against a scouting company, most of the Fire Nation military are firebenders, they won’t know swordsmanship, learning a weapon as a bender isn’t generally accepted. I can show you standard forms in firebending so you’ll know what to look out for before fire’s coming at you, most of them would have learnt that way, it’s how firebending is taught in school.” Zuko hasn’t entirely been watching Jet, he doesn’t really like people watching him cry so he thought it better to look away, but when he looks at the other boy now he sees widened eyes and a slightly agape mouth as though he’s surprised by something. “Oh and I can teach you how to make a pretty good bomb.”

“You’re telling me you think I should fight?” Jet doesn’t sound angry at the idea, more uncertain than anything, surprised maybe.

“No,” he shakes his head. The Earth Kingdom doesn’t require service in the same way the Fire Nation does, probably more due to the size of it than anything else. Zuko knows the law of his home though, what was expected, enforced. He knows the fate of those who refuse, he’d been threatened with rotting in a cell plenty. “If you are going to though; I’d rather tell you what I know then you go in underprepared.”

For a while there’s a silence that settles between them, not uncomfortable, but like Jet is thinking of what to say and Zuko doesn’t press for a quick answer. Instead he silently offers the last of the fried ocean kumquats they’d gotten to give the other boy as an excuse for more time in whatever he’s thinking. Jet accepts with a light sort of sigh, and he’s pretty sure it was a needed moment of pause in their conversation. Zuko turns his attention to the people walking by who often do a double take at Imasu who’s laid out in front of the bench, before quickly continuing on where they’re going.

“You’re pretty amazing, you know that?” Jet comments after a while, saying it like it’s a bit of a revelation to himself, a light chuckle following it.

Zuko ducks his head, trying to hide away the heat of his cheeks. The huff Imasu lets out almost sounds like a laugh, and frankly he wouldn’t blame the spirit for it if they were laughing at him. Zuko really doesn’t know how to reply to a compliment like that so after giving himself a moment to calm down he attempts a somewhat poorly done change of subject. “We still have a while til we have to get back to the ship,” he gets up, “no point just sitting here, I’m sure we can find something interesting going on.”

When he gets up to throw out their trash he hears Jet laugh and comment something he can’t make out beyond knowing it was directed to Imasu who lets out another laugh of their own.

____

“Let’s go in there,” Jet says, grabbing his hand before he has the chance to respond, pulling Zuko toward a shop that he doesn’t manage to get the name of because he has to tell Imasu to wait outside before the possum wolf ends up knock everything in the shop down.

Zuko blinks at the sight of the place, the shop mostly full of fabrics and the like, but pretty quickly Zuko notices the wooden masks covering the back wall, he recognises plenty of them from various plays, some just from stories and folktales. Jet’s quick to pull him to the back of the shop, which reveals the baskets of script booklets filling baskets along the wall of masks.

“The sign outside said theatre masks so I thought… you had that collection,” Jet explains, rubbing the back of his head with his lips quirked into a sort of half smile.

“Yeah–” Zuko stares up at the masks, eyes wide, “these are incredible.” He steps a bit toward the wall to get a better look at them.

“I’m glad you think so,” a woman’s voice says from behind them, the two of them jumping at the sudden sound. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to sneak up on you,” she laughs slightly.

She’s older, with warm brown eyes and dark hair pulled up in a careful bun, probably around his uncle’s age. She gives the two of them a warm smile, which can’t be uncommon for her if the lines around her eyes have anything to say about it.

“You make these?” Zuko asks, giving the woman his attention.

“I do, we get quite a few theatre troupes who pass through here and I’m proud to say they are quite popular,” she nods. “Recently I’ve found people are quite interested in Blue Spirit masks, the play hasn’t been popular here in quite some time, but I doubt it has much to do with that.”

“The Blue Spirit is pretty incredible,” Jet says with a slightly teasing smirk toward him.

“I’d say, I’m quite the fan, they rescued my daughter and granddaughters from a raid a few months ago, they managed to make it here, and if it weren’t for them I’m not sure they would have,” she says with a sad sort of smile.

Zuko finds himself a bit wordless at the explanation, he’s sure there are others acting as the Blue Spirit, but he’s stopped plenty of Fire Navy raids with– it could have been them.

“Lao lao!” A young girl comes racing around the corner, “look what I made!” She holds up a painted mask that Zuko is rather certain is the dog-toad spirit from The Dragon Prince play, though it’s more purple than green.

“Isn’t that lovely.” Zuko only sees the recognisable girl when her grandmother carefully takes the mask to look at it. He’d been so shocked to see a girl who looked so obviously Fire in an Earth Kingdom village. Her mother had been pregnant at the time, so her grandmother having said granddaughters must mean her mother had given birth.

It felt like forever ago now, it had barely been a week into his time on the Tiriganiarjuk, early enough in that it was the first time he ever wore that mask, the Amka and Leki had assured him they didn’t expect him to come if he didn’t feel comfortable. It had been horrific, and Zuko if he wasn’t seeing the outcome of a few of the people that they managed to save, he’d have called it a failure of a first mission. The small port village had burnt to the ground, and a few months later they went back to bomb the new Naval base that was being built in its place.

“Li Yan, why don’t you hang this in the back so it can finish drying? Then go check on your mom and sisters?” she asks her granddaughter, who seems to be paying very little attention.

Amber eyes blink up at him a few times before she decides she’s ready to listen, “okay,” she hums as she takes her mask back. She looks like she wants to say something but instead she’s running off through a doorway to the back.

Zuko doesn’t have to look at Jet to feel how tense he is beside him, even if the pressure on his hand hadn’t given it away. He doesn’t bring attention to the reaction, just carefully squeezing his hand in return. He’s not sure he could give words of reassurance, or really say anything helpful, not when he’s certain Jet is remembering something he’s yet to want to talk about with Zuko, that he’s not sure he ever will.

“She’s quite talented for a four-year-old, or maybe I’m just biased,” she laughs, lightly patting Jet’s shoulder, with a knowing look up at the boy. “You two look around as long as you like, my name’s Min if you need anything.” With that she’s off to the back after Li Yan, probably to answer whatever questions she may have.

For a while the two stand in an uncertain silence, but after a while Zuko decides to break it, hoping to get Jet out of his own head, “we can go back to the ship, I’m sure Imasu won’t mind giving us a ride back.”

“I left–” Jet mutters, “I’ve already lost my family– if they’ve taken– what if there’s nothing to go back to?”

Zuko lets out a shaky breath, “I don’t know.”

Chapter Text

The farther north they go the colder the ocean’s winds become and the rougher the water seems through the Jianshui river as they near the Northern Ocean. The river is wide enough the they can’t see the land to the west, but Zuko knows what’s there, and it’s the closest he’s been to the colonies since his trip to the Northern Air Temple when he was first banished, when pain and fear convinced him to try, just once to search for the Avatar.

When he found the destruction his people had brought to the Air Nomads, he walked through the temple and found the remains of what was done, of the people who lived there, of the people his great-grandfather had ordered the death of. He found so few of the red armor that would have stood out against the snow that covered much of the grounds. It had been the first time he saw what his nation had truly done, and it had revealed what he was taught was a battle as a genocide.

“Zuli,” Jet’s voice pulls him from the memories to now seem like a lifetime ago, so much has changed since then, he’s changed. “Lunch is on, you coming?”

“I told Amka I’d eat with her, she wanted to talk about our plans once we reach Ummi,” Zuko explains as he gets up from where the group of them had been sitting while there wasn’t much to be done on the ship. “You should come–” he directs the comment to all three of them before focusing more on Jet, “--you were so excited to meet her before,” he says slightly teasing the other boy.

Jet turns away, though Zuko can still see tan cheeks dusted with red. “If you’re sure she won’t mind…”

____

“I swear she wasn’t this scary before…” Zuko just barely hears Jet whisper to Smellerbee next to him, who lets out a bark of a laugh making the comment much less of a secret than it might have been.

“Yeah well you weren’t dating her son before,” Smellerbee says with a teasing sort of smirk.

“Dating is it?” Amka asks with a smile that just borders on the same sort of teasing.

Zuko looks away quickly, deciding that he finds his empty bowl incredibly interesting and hoping everyone will ignore the warmth of his cheeks. They aren’t dating. They went out one time and they’ll not have time for more, soon enough Zuko will be traveling to Agna Qel’a so it’ll be sometime before he sees Jet again anyway.

“It’s not– we aren’t– well we–” Jet trips over his words enough that Zuko almost takes pity on him. Amka does before he can though.

“I’m only teasing,” she laughs, “I’m glad you two are getting on, whether that’s dating or not. You’ll be able to send letters to Agna Qel’a, I hope you’ll keep in touch. Before Leki decided to leave Kyoshi Island we sent plenty of letters.” A sort of sad smile crosses her face, one that Zuko just catches out of the side of his eye, making him lean in toward her slightly.

____

“Pretty much every fire soldier you’ll come across will have the same training,” Zuko explains, “that’s not to say all do, but as a rule, most will follow the standard basic forms.” He looks to Amka who’d basically promised to be their water bucket while Zuko shows Jet the various forms.

“Don’t look so stressed kid, worse case you end up a little soaked,” Hisham laughs from where he’s sat on a few crates. Zuko had originally assumed the man was just making sure his boat doesn’t end up in flames, but he seems not at all concerned, so maybe he just wants to see fire bending that’s not an immediate danger to him. He’s clearly not alone in that with the slight crowd that’s amassed on deck, pausing in their duties to watch.

Amka just gives him a definitive nod, a silent promise that she won’t let anything happen.

“Unless you run into the likes of the Rough Rhinos, you won’t see a firebender use a weapon. Anyone in the military who does, won’t be a bender, it’s not permitted.” Zuko notes, setting aside his own blades. He looks to Jet, and it's then that he realises this will be the first time he’s bent around him, the first time him being a firebender won’t just be words, but something he’ll actually see.

Zuko pulls his focus away, his gaze shifting to the clear sky ahead. He’s bent plenty since his being a pirate of sorts, but something about this, the forms he learnt in the palace, at the the harsh hand of his and Azula’s tutor. His thoughts sound a bit too like his uncles in convincing himself but it gets him moving, fearing your own nature as a firebender will only serve to make you lose control.

His movements are quick and pure rote memorization, clean and precise in a way he never seemed to manage when it was expected of him, but here, when it’s unlikely anyone will notice the skill of it, the years it took to manage, here he makes it through the set without a fumble. It’s a bit bitter sweet, knowing he’d probably just managed something that years ago may have actually earned him praise from his father, but feels so at odds with his own bending. After a moment of standing there, thankfully not soaked, because he managed not to set the ship ablaze, he thinks he might finally understand just how much he’s changed.

A set of ten basic forms, that’s all that is required of a fire soldier, of course it’s not as though you could expect much else when you send children to fight your war. They are forms taught in every school, and deviating from them is very rarely acceptable.

“As a rule, you want to get in close, quick. For most, breaking their form will keep them from bending. If you can’t get in close, darts, sling shots, a bow,” he nods toward Longshot, “long distance, preferably from up high. The middle ground is how every firebender learns, it’s the perfect distance for a direct attack.”

Zuko turns to Jet, but keeps his eyes from looking into his, not sure he wants to see whatever he might be thinking at the moment, taking a few steps until he’s about two of himself in length away, “this” he gestures between them, “is the worst distance you could be, but if you’re here don’t back away, move in, especially with swords, you’ll have the advantage with your range.”

“That’s really all that’s taught?” Smellerbee comments, looking entirely disbelieving of that being so.

“To the average soldier, yes. Most are shipped out at fourteen, and any formal training in school doesn’t go beyond the basics, it’s insurance basically.”

“Having a poorly trained military isn’t insurance,” she argues.

“You’d be right, if the point wasn’t that they’ll follow orders.” Zuko had heard it plenty of times, how those who serve under you could never be allowed to match you in capabilities, that your power must be unquestionable. His lack of innate ability, the likelihood that he’d not be able to prove his own power in the way the rest of his family could, meant he was unfit for his position. “If you aren’t nobility or show capabilities beyond average at an early age you don’t get taught more than what is deemed necessary. If your loyalty can’t be counted on then what incentive is there to give you more power?”

“We won’t only be facing run of the mill soldiers,” Jet asks, if the harshness of his tone is anything to go by, he’d rather not look to see the boy’s expression.

“Long distance. Anyone who’s learnt advanced sets will be proficient in close combat. That or you have to be faster, catch them off guard,” Zuko shrugs, because he’s spent most of his time avoiding fights with anyone who is above his means, and those like Zhao, Sai, his father, he can’t actually beat them, he’s survived by odd strokes of luck, not in winning.

“So you’re screwed, is what you’re saying?” Smellerbee cuts in, sounding about as unamused as she looks.

“No, it’s unlikely you'll have more than one or two soldiers with any notable capabilities in a company. Look for anyone in armor with higher gold detailing, those will be your officers, take them out first.” Zuko looks to Amka, “you’ve fought more Fire soldiers than I have,” he says with the hope she’ll fill in anything he’s forgotten.

“It’s a bit different for a waterbender, we fight in long to midrange pretty heavily,” she notes, “firebenders don’t fight long range, even ones that are skilled. The only exception to that, is that fire spreads, unlike the other elements it doesn’t stop its attack with the bender, ending a fight quickly is paramount if you don’t want to be overwhelmed by the fire itself.”

“Okay so are we going to spar or just talk?”

The question finally gets him to look at Jet properly, and what he sees is far from what he expects, when Zuko meets his gaze he doesn’t find the anger or even possibly the hatred he expects, he finds uncertainty. Jet’s focus on him doesn’t waver in the slightest, and he almost looks like he’s trying to decipher something about him, and believes that staring at him hard enough will get him the answer.

“I’d rather not actually shoot fire at you,” Zuko admits.

“It’s either you do it now, or some soldier who actually wants me dead does so in Gaipan, I’d rather know what I’m getting into,” Jet reasons. “Besides, if I do it correctly, you won’t have the chance, that’s the whole point, right?”

Zuko somehow finds himself nodding in agreement, he’d promised to do this, teach him what fighting a Fire soldier would mean, and before everything, he might have been the soldier wanting Jet dead, as foreign of a concept as that seems now.

Despite what some may say, and all he may believe about himself as a firebender, he is not entirely unskilled. He might not be like his family in power, but he can do at least this. Of course, occasionally he can be a fool though, because despite his own fear, his own knowledge of how violence at the hands of firebenders can impact you, he hadn’t realised what Jet’s uncertainty and even his insistence really was, until the moment he freezes, quite literally while in the line of fire. Zuko’s never been happier to be drenched in water than that moment. Immediately he finds Jet, searching for any visible injury, but instead, he finds the boy wide eyed, his hook swords on the deck, and his hands shaking.

“Jet,” he says carefully, the other boy jerks back with his half step toward him, and Zuko is retreating immediately, backing away several paces, and watching as Smellerbee and Longshot surround him, block him from view.

He’s not sure what’s said, but he knows Hisham shouts something that gets those gathered to start moving, dispersing. Everything sounds a bit like he's underwater at the moment, even when Amka says something, when her hand on his shoulder carefully guides him away from the three standing in a huddle.

____

“He’s never going to speak to me again,” it’s the first thing he says when he finally manages to speak that night.

“Zuli,” Amka sighs, and when he doesn’t look at her she instead appears in his voice, crouched down to meet his empty gaze, her blurry form staying out of focus, “Zuko, look at me,” she says, his name getting his focus immediately, “give him time.” She lets out a sigh before she continues, “he’s alright, not even a bit of soot on him.”

“He’s scared of me.”

To that, he gets a sad smile, because she knows he’s not wrong, anyone on the ship would know he’s not wrong, Jet’s reaction made the reality all too glaring to ignore.

“I’d rather he just hate me, at least I’m used to that,” he says bitterly.

“You don’t mean that,” Amka says, her tone carefully soft.

“If he hated me he would have stopped me instead of freezing. He–” He was knelt, frozen in fear as the fire neared, as his father, as someone he’d trusted despite the fact that he should have known better, burned him. Jet had been frozen, and the only reason he hadn’t been burnt was Amka, the fire had already left Zuko’s hands before he’d realised his state. “If I had hated my father then, I wouldn’t have sat frozen while he burnt half my face,” he bites out, “if it wasn’t for you I would’ve burnt him. He was terrified and I attacked him.”

It’s not a moment later that he’s pulled down into a hug, “oh my boy, you are nothing like him.” She says it like a promise, like it’s a fact as indisputable as the sky being blue. And she lets him cry into her shoulder as they sit on the floor for Spirits know how long, until his eyes run dry, and while he doesn’t feel any lighter he’s too tired to focus on his worry that he’s destroyed their friendship, let alone any budding relationship they had started.

____

The ship makes good time to the most Southern tip of the Northern Water Tribe, as they arrive at Ummi a couple days ahead of schedule. The village beyond the pier seems to be built mostly of wood and ice, the forest surrounding it and the waterbenders who reside within a clear reason for the materials. Zuko joins the crew in unloading supplies, something he’s taken to doing in his somewhat short time aboard the Ruh Tayba. Despite all the stops they’ve made prior, this seems to be the largest shipment they’d brought, considering the impending winter he’s sure there’s plenty needed to make it through.

His helpfulness today is more selfish than any care to actually help out with something he’s not really expected to do, he needs a distraction. He and Jet have barely spoken in the days since their attempt at sparring. Zuko’s been careful to give him his space, as much as is an option on a ship in the middle of the ocean. He’d been essentially avoiding all three of them, that is until Longshot corners him, if that’s what you can call it when the boy lifts the other side of the crate he’s moving, after shooing away the other sailor. He’s not much for words, Zuko could count on less than a hand the amount of times he has said something to him, but today he’d come with a purpose. “You’re leaving today, talk to him before you don’t have the option.” And when he says something along the lines of not wanting to force Jet to talk to him, well he’s not sure anyone’s managed to call him out with silence and not even a look, considering the crate between them, he can just feel the thought.

Of course Jet hadn’t actually been the only thing on his mind. His stomach has been in knots since land came into view earlier today, his mind full of horrible things that might happen, mainly visions of Zhao showing up on the shore. He’s not sure how long they’ll stay in the North Pole, or how long it’ll take to just get to Agna Qel’a. He can’t decide if the visions of his own fire getting out of control are worse than those of Fire Soldiers coming to the Northern Water Tribe’s shores. With the heavy weight of supply crates he tamps down the horrible thoughts, allowing the work to be a distraction for the time.

He and Longshot are lowering one of the crates to the pier when he hears Amka calling his name, turning to see her waving him over. “Zuli, come meet a friend of mine!” Zuko looks back at Longshot for a moment, receiving a somewhat pointed look in return before going off to meet Amka.

Beside her is a woman that is likely a similar age to her, though Zuko’s not entirely sure. Unlike Amka her hair is pulled into two very long, careful braids, rather than the few braids that run along Amka’s wolf tail. “This is my long time friend, Pinga.” She gestures to the woman beside her before gesturing back to him, “Pinga, my son, Zuli.” And despite it not being the first time she’s said so, he still feels an unimaginable warmth at her claiming him with such certainty. “She’s headed out to Agna Qel’a tonight, and offered for us to join her, as long as we don’t mind riding a polar bear dog.” The slight smirk Amka gives him is all the permission he needs.

“Imasu,” he calls into the wind, knowing wherever the spirit’s gone off to, they’ll hear him. It isn’t but a few moments later that he feels the possum wolf’s pressense behind him, which only a moment later plops their head down upon the top of his own. “Pinga, meet Imasu.”

In typical Imasu fashion the spirit blows a gust of wind at the woman, luckily she doesn’t seem particularly bothered so much as a bit surprised. “A spirit,” she looks to Amka with widened eyes, “I know you said you helped with spirit world issues but– that’s an actual– Tui and La they’re incredible.”

“Don’t let that get to your head,” Zuko comments up at the possum wolf with a joking glare.

“Zuli found them in Gaipan, they were causing a bit of havoc for the nearby villages, but for whatever reason Imasu’s become a bit attached to him,” Amka explains, “though spirits we’ve come across always seems a bit drawn in by Zuli.”

“That’s not always a good thing,” he sighs. He looks back to the ship to see the unloading of crates beginning to slow. “May I go find Jet?” If she’s surprised by the request she doesn’t let it show.

“Go ahead, I’ll be back to the ship in a moment to speak with Hisham, I’m sure he’s itching to leave, he’s never enjoyed the cold.”

With the permission he’s gone in a moment, hauling himself onto Imasu without another thought, because if he thinks another moment about the coming conversation, he might not do it at all. The spirit doesn’t await his saying anything, running directly toward the ship.

____

“We’re leaving in another candle-mark,” Smellerbee says as she and Longshot join the two of them on deck, overlooking the town below. “Are you two gonna just keep standing in awkward silence or are you like… gonna kiss and make up? or something? Cause we can go… if you need space or whatever,” she says, looking between the two of them.

“It’s not awkward,” Jet argues, glaring at the girl. “I just– I’m not good at goodbyes, I don’t usually—” he doesn’t finish the thought, but from the way he tenses, Zuko’s sure it isn’t a happy one.

He hasn’t pushed speaking, they’d quite literally only said hello and Zuko managed to get out he’d been traveling to Agna Qel’a tonight, but beyond that they’d been standing here in silence for the last several minutes.

“I’ll write,” Zuko starts, “then it’s not really a goodbye,” he reasons, trying to hide the uncertainty in his tone. He doubts it works very well with the half smile he gets in return, rather than Jet’s usual smirk, or maybe it’s nothing to do with his words. “You don’t have to, if you don’t want– look, just let me know when you get to Gaipan, please.”

For whatever reason Jet actually breaks into a smirk at that, “worried about me?” he jokes, though Zuko doesn’t miss the tension still in his voice.

It takes a few long moments for him to respond, but eventually he does, “of course I am.”

His smirk falters, his gaze becoming much more focused, brown eyes once again searching him for something, and Zuko’s still not sure what he was looking for days ago or now, but either he finds it or gives up because after a minute he’s speaking again. “I didn’t think I’d react how I did–” he starts, and Zuko doesn’t interrupt, giving him the time to say what he needs, “I’m not scared of you– I know– its– Spirits I’ve been thinking about this for days and I still can’t figure out how to explain this. It isn’t you though Zuli, I just–” Jet ends up yelling into his own hands, before looking at him like he’s willing him to understand what he’s trying to say.

“For a while, after,” he gestures to his scaring, “I was terrified, of fire, but also of myself, of those who’d never done anything, even helped me after, but had the ability to do what he had. I know it isn’t about me, you don’t have to assure me. You don’t have to be scared of me as a person to be fearful of what I’m capable of, and it’s never something I’d blame you for.”

“You’re my friend–” Jet lets out a steadying breath, “more than that even. I shouldn’t be afraid of you.” The anger seeping through his tone is undeniable, he’s furious, and Zuko almost rather it be directed at him than him being angry with himself.

“You didn’t exactly get a choice in that.” Zuko reasons, finding Jet’s gaze, one that seems to soften when he meets it properly. “And being angry with yourself doesn’t help, trust me.”

“How am I meant to fight if I’m terrified?”

“Channel your fear and anger into fighting, into defending those who need defending. It’s a horrible answer, basically amounts to bottling it all up, but it’s the only answer I’ve got. Just don’t lose yourself to it, you three have to keep eachother grounded,” and he directs the final comment more toward the space around them, as Smellerbee and Longshot are only a few paces away still.

“And if I freeze?”

“You’ve got back up, I’d find some more though, others who want to fight, I’m sure there are plenty.”

“You know most people might try to convince me not to do this?”

“I doubt anything I’d say would convince you off of it, besides, fighting for what you know is right, that’s never something I’d want to convince you not to do,”

“If I kissed you right now would that freak you out?” Jet asks after a few moments, with his half smirk, and just a slight lean toward him.

Instead of saying anything he meets him halfway. It’s short, and about as uncertain as one could expect considering everything between them, but that it happens at all seems to almost settle something between them.

“I’ll write you,” Jet promises, “it isn’t good-bye then, right?” he teases slightly.

Zuko can’t help rolling his eyes at the comment, but a light smile settles on his lips anyway. The moment is interrupted by Smellerbee pointing out he might want to get going before the ship sets off, and so there’s a quick round of see you again rather than good-byes, before Zuko’s off to find Amka.

Chapter Text

Zuko’s not sure what he was expecting when they arrived at Agna Qel’a, Amka had told him some, sure, but he’d say she really undersold it. The ice wall surrounding the capital of the Northern Water Tribe is visible for miles, from afar it hadn’t looked as intimidating, but as they near the city the walls seem to rise into the cloud, imposing and huge, reminding him of the description he’s heard of the walls surrounding Ba Sing Se. They’re incredible, if not a bit terrifying, though maybe more terrifying is the men he can just barely see at the top of the huge wall, watching the frosty landscape below, as if the immense wall isn't protection enough. They must still be several yards out from the wall when they’re met by guards, dressed in grey and blue, with furs draped over their shoulders.

“State your business,” one orders from atop a polar bear dog. Zuko can only barely see him from where he’s sitting on Imasu, both Amka and Pinga on their own polar bear dogs in front of him.

Pinga speaks first, “I come seeking a healing master, we’re facing quite the ill in Ummi, our own healers are struggling. There should have been a letter sent ahead of me,” she explains. One of the two shuffles through a few papers before giving a nod in acceptance of the reason. Their attention turns to Amka soon after.

Amka explains, “my son and I are coming to visit my brother, and to mourn my mother’s passing.”

“Your name?”

“Amka, daughter of Panuk.” Zuli doesn’t have to see her face to know she’s annoyed by the process.

Zuko can see the man with the paper's face scrunch slightly, and he ducks his head slightly before the man decides to look at him. “I don’t have a son listed.”

“I haven’t brought him to visit before, we’ve been living in the Earth Kingdom,” she explains.

“If you are planning to stay for any extended period of time you’ll have a month to submit the paperwork that he’s residing in Agna Qel’a,” the guard explains.

“Of course,” she agrees.

With that the ice wall slides open, the three of them welcomed inside, though Zuko still doesn’t raise his head, careful not to be fully seen by the guards.

____

After goodbyes with Pinga they traveled into the city center, where the townhome made of ice is sandwiched between plenty of other buildings. Inside the walls are lined with furs and fabrics, making the inside a mixture of greys, browns and blues, though there are no missing the touches of green around the place, hints of Leki even if the woman herself had never been here. That thought nearly punches a breath out of him, his next few shaky. Amka had shown him to his room and promised they would go out to get him a few things later, seeing as he has very little after everything. For the moment they made tea in the kitchen, and it seemed like perfect timing that there was a knock at the door just as they were preparing their cups. Zuko can’t see who it is that Amka opens the door to, not that he’s likely to recognize them, but he can hear the conversation well enough, the door not far from the kitchen.

“I was wondering how long you’d take to show up,” Amka comments.

“That makes the both of us,” a man’s voice comments with a bit too much bite for his taste. “It’s not as though I don’t train most of our guards, they knew I’d want to know you’d arrived. I was beginning to think you wouldn’t show up. You missed the funeral. I know you didn’t get along with mother but the least you could have done was show up,” the man at the door says in a scolding tone, one that has Zuko out of his seat before he can think better of it.

“Why don’t you join us for tea,” Amka says with a much too calm tone before Zuko can get a word in.

“Us?” It almost sounds like a question, though the man’s gaze lands on where he stands at the end of the small entry hall. “Oh I’m sure this has a grand story,” the man says with a notable sarcasm to his tone. “Tea it is then.”

They’re at the table before long. Zuko poured each of their tea before sitting himself, as he does, he catches what he’d label as surprise from the older man. He quickly evades his gaze when he notices Zuko looking. “You're quiet for a man who had plenty to say a minute ago,” he says with his gaze never leaving him.

“Zuli,” Amka says with a slightly scolding tone, “Pakku is just a grumpy old man, don’t mind him.”

“When they’d said your son was with you… Amka,” the man, Pakku, makes a meaningful sort of glance toward him, one that Zuko knows exactly the meaning of, which causes a shiver down his spine at the implication. He looks down at his tea, gripping his mug a bit too tightly, he can feel the heat of the tea through the ceramic, it’s calming in a way.

“He was running from Zhao, a Fire Navy Captain. The man is known for being particularly ruthless, we couldn’t let him be captured,” Amka explains.

“Amka, he’s old enough to be in their military, and it barely takes a glance to know he’s a firebender, you didn’t stop to think he might be a spy?” Pakku questions.

“He’s a child Pakku, and you didn’t see him–” she glances at Zuko, waiting for him to look at her so she can send a silent sort of apology before she continues. “If I hadn’t helped him I don’t want to think about what that monster would have done.”

“Leave it to you to finally decide to act like a woman when it puts you in the most danger,” Pakku sighs. “He’s probably some run away soldier and now you’ve brought him here.”

Something in his expression must give away his readiness to yell at the idiot of a man because Amka is shooting him a cautionary look before he can get a word out.

“Zuli has been with me for nearly a year now, he’s not some villain, he’s my son and he’s all I have left. For once Pakku, can you please just be supportive of me. You’re my brother, I would rather us not argue.”

Zuko looks between the two of them at the comment, trying to find the similarities between them. Even without finding much he thinks he should have guessed, why else would he have showed up, or been told of Amka’s arrival in the city. Still, it’s hard to believe this man is Amka’s brother.

“What do you mean, he’s all you have left?” Pakku asks carefully.

“About a month ago, not long after you sent that letter, the Tiriganiarjuk was attacked. Zuli and I were the only ones to make it out,” Amka explains, her eyes finding him again, “it was just barely that we made it out, and I think it was only because Zhao wanted to capture us alive.”

“Spirits Amka,” the old man says with a shaky sigh. He’s quiet for a long while, but eventually his eyes turn to Zuko, “did you grow up in the colonies?”

He looks to Amka, checking for permission on telling the truth, or at least everything but who he actually is. He doesn’t care to hide what he’s doing, and apparently neither does Amka. “You can tell him what you’d like, Zuli.”

“No, I’ve never even stepped foot in them. I’m from Hari Bulkan,” Zuko answers plainly.

“Of course you are,” he mutters, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“Also I turned fourteen after joining Amka’s crew so I wasn’t old enough to be a soldier,” he adds on, ignoring the man’s comment.

“So why exactly was a Navy Captain after you then?”

“Because I blew up part of Ketu Harbor which he’d been recently put in control of.” At this point he’s told plenty of people that fact but this is the first time someone doesn’t look particularly surprised by that answer, if anything he looks more resigned.

“And you ended up with my sister after that… how?”

“It’s sort of a long story… but after I’d managed to leave Ketu Harbor I was sort of jumping from place to place hoping not to be followed. It worked out okay for a few weeks but he caught up to me. He saw me at a neutral trading port, chased me through town, and I ran into Amka.” Zuko explained, leaving out that his jumping around was with the use of the Fire Navy ship.

“He means run into literally,” Amka says with a teasing sort of smile. “After that it’s what I told you, I realised who he was running from, and how awfully terrified he looked, I couldn’t leave him.”

“Fine. Are you staying?” Pakku asks.

“I’m not sure for how long, I haven’t figured that out yet,” she admits.

“Either way, I’ll get the paperwork pushed through for Zuli, I’ll list him as your son.”

“Thank you. Even if we don’t stay for long I’ll be glad to know he has a place to come.”

Pakku doesn’t stay long after the conversation is finished, but before he leaves he gets Zuko’s attention, as much as Zuko had chosen to ignore the conversation between the siblings at the table. “Despite what it may seem like, I’ve no issue with you being here, but you must know that won’t be the case for everyone.”

“I’m used to not being well received, kind of comes with the fact that my nation started a near hundred year long war,” Zuko says without much concern for the reaction to it.

Pakku doesn’t look entirely pleased with the answer, but he leaves it at that and says his goodbyes anyway.

____

The morning after their first day in Agna Qel’a Zuko finds himself following Amka through town before the sun has risen. He doesn’t know much about the Northern Water Tribe’s burial practices, but it doesn’t take long to understand where they are headed with the clues of a somber sort of feeling in the air and the questions Amka asked Pakku last night that she likely hadn’t known he heard. Eventually Amka kneels before what he knows to be a burial, the plot is covered with stones, a slightly larger one at the center has carefully chiseled Water Tribe script.

Amka motions for him to come next to her, and so he does, kneeling beside her. It takes him a moment to make out what the stone in the center says, but after a moment he understands it. May La take you with careful waves as Tui guides you to the world of spirits.

“A silly old saying, but she would have liked it I’m sure, if for no other reason than that Pakku chose it,” Amka says with a shaky smile on her lips. “She was always waiting for me to have kids,” she lets out a slightly bitter laugh at her own comment, “I never thought I would…” She gives him a small but much more genuine smile with the comment, before turning her attention back to the grave. “Hi anaana, it’s been a while. I brought someone to meet you, my son.”

Zuko doesn’t comment on the tears streaming down Amka’s face, but he does press into her side in quiet support as he says a whispered hello to the grave.

____

Pakku had stopped by once again that night, though the visit was shorter than the conversation of the day before, a quiet conversation that he couldn’t hear most of and a few papers for Amka to fill out from what he saw.

It hasn't taken much for Zuko to decide he doesn’t particularly like the man, but he chooses not to voice such seeing as he is helping, even if he doesn’t seem particularly pleased to do so, though claims he has no issue with Zuko’s being here.

“It’s not as though you’ve ever listened to me before,” Pakku says as he rolls the papers to tuck them in his robe. He glances at him for a moment, the first time he had since Zuko had made himself scarce after Pakku arrived. With a shake of his head he returns his attention to his sister, “I hope you know what you’re doing.”

____

“Did Leki ever meet Pakku?” Zuko asks when the two of them sit for tea soon after he leaves.

“No, when he was in the Earth Kingdom for a short time a few years ago we were busy dealing with a spirit in Cameleon Bay; we didn't have the time to make the trip to see him.” Zuko almost asks why he was in the Earth Kingdom, but he’s not sure Amka would know, and he’s certainly not looking to ask Pakku.

“She would’ve kicked his ass,” Zuko comments, earning a choked out laugh from Amka who nearly spits out her tea.

A smile pulls at her lips as she speaks, “oh you’re certainly right about that.”

“Is that why you never brought everyone here?”

Amka hums in a sort of half agreement, “That, and I’ve barely been here myself in the last thirty years,”

she starts to explain. “When I came home it was never for a visit really, there were some troubles with spirits just outside the city a few years ago, Leki was rather cross with me that I didn’t want her to come, I gave a million excuses but…” she trails off, not finishing the thought before moving on. “Before that I came when my ataata fell ill, and when Princess Yue was born.”

She must see the confusion at her final comment, because he doesn’t have to ask for her to explain.

“She was born still, not crying and her eyes closed, after the healers were unable to help, Chief Arnook brought her to the spirit oasis where the mortal forms of Tui and La reside. The moon spirit blessed her, giving her life. Soon after Chief Arnook contacted me, he wanted to know she’d been okay, and there are very few well versed in the spirits these days. I returned to see that she would stay in health, and to assure Tui was alright as well.” Amka sips at her tea after her explanation before speaking again, “she’s your age, though she was about ten the last time I saw her. I’m sure you’ll run into her, she has a habit of accidentally losing her guards and the palace isn’t far from here.”

Zuko decides it’s best not to say what happened when he did similar things as a child, not when Amka says it with a tone that tells him Yue does not get the same reaction to childish curiosity.

Chapter Text

Zuko keeps close to Amka as they walk through the busy streets of Agna Qel’a, it’s not lost on either of them the double takes of those who pass them, but seeing as no one says anything they continue on.

Amka guides him through the streets into shop after shop to get him clothes suited for a place like the North Pole. He doesn’t miss the wide eyed looks from the shop keepers but again, they keep whatever comment they may have to themselves.

Zuko’s bundled in blues and greys after a few hours of shopping, which seems to lessen some of the looks compared to the brown coat he’d been wearing prior.

“Amka?” A woman’s voice calls from behind them in the shop. Turning he finds a woman about Amka’s age, with warm brown skin and blue eyes that are common in the Water Tribes, her exceptionally long, brown hair left loose. She wears mostly dark blues, and is in a far lighter jacket than him or even Amka, probably much more used to the cold. “Spirits what has it been? Five years?” About half way through her gaze shifts to Zuko, “this is your son then?”

“Uki,” Amka says sort of belatedly, her voice quiet in a way Zuko rarely hears, it takes nothing more to know they’re close, or were once. It takes her a moment to shake off whatever she’s thinking before she answers, “you always seem to know everything that’s going on.” She rests her hand on his shoulder, “but yes, this is my son, Zuli.”

Zuko tenses slightly under her gaze, something about her reminds him of Piandao, it’s nothing to do with her appearance, her features are much too soft, but he knows the gaze of someone who is well studied, and who looks at the world with a careful focus at all times. It’s a bit jarring, but even more so is the way she seems to soften after a few moments, “it’s lovely to meet you Zuli. Hopefully you’re getting used to the cold well enough.”

“The coat helps,” he says, though he decides not to mention that the continuous sun this time of year is certainly a factor to his lack of issues with the frigid weather.

Uki smiles at the comment, “I’m sure.” She turns her attention back to Amka, seeming to not be at all concerned about keeping an eye on the firebender barely three feet from her. “Will you be staying for a while this time?”

“I’m not sure just yet, a few weeks at least, we'll see from there.” They hadn’t discussed how long they’d be staying, though Zuko had a feeling Amka wasn’t really certain she’d be leaving at all again. If she does choose to stay, Zuko's not entirely sure what he’ll do. It’s a problem for another time, he’s not sure he could go out on his own right now anyway, not with the way his mind seems intent on throwing all his worst memories to the forefront.

“If you do choose to stay, I have a spot that needs filling. I’ve been looking to introduce a world studies course, but I have very few options of who I can ask to teach such a class.”

“I appreciate the offer Uki–”

“Don’t say no just yet. Think about it, please Amka. I truly can’t think of anyone who’d be more fitting.”

“Okay, I’ll let you know,” Amka says with a light sigh, one that Zuko knows means she’s probably going to give in. He’d heard that tone plenty, with he and Min most often. The thought of the older girl is a jolt, and he knows Amka notices him tense because he feels her eyes go to him almost immediately.

“I’m gonna go look around,” he says as he steps away.

“Okay,” Amka hums, drawn out, with a slightly narrowed gaze, though he knows it’s out of confusion rather than anger. “Keep on this street,” she adds after a moment.

A nods in agreement before turning his attention to Uki, “it was nice you meet you,” he says with a short bow before he quickly makes his way out of the shop. He doesn’t catch anything said after he leaves, though he hopes he didn’t come off too rude. Once out of the shop he takes a breath, keeping his gaze focused on the icy world around him so as not to see the fallen crowsnest, with Min’s lifeless body beneath it. It takes him a few more breaths to calm down, the cold air burning his throat. He should’ve asked Imasu to come along, but in the few days they’ve been here the spirit’s been vanishing most of the day, returning at random hours to the townhome.

He walks down the street, and suddenly Agna Qel’a feels much bigger without Amka guiding him. Even keeping to the main street they’d been on it feels overwhelming, looking nothing like anywhere he’s seen before. He slowly walks down the street, carefully looking at signs above shops that take him a long moment to read. He’s stopped in front of a shop that if he’s read correctly is a book store of sorts, he doubts they’d have any materials on learning Water Tribe script, but it’s worth a shot. When he walks in he makes his way into the shelves, browsing through the titles, looking for something that might be at his level. It’s not long before his attention is caught by a less than quiet conversation further into the store.

“Why must you defy me at every turn?” “But dad–” a boy’s voice starts, but is quickly cut off. “No, Nuka. I will not argue with you about this. You are not a healer, that’s women’s work. You will stop this nonsense. Now put those scrolls back where they belong.” It’s only a few moments later that an older man steps from behind the shelves, and Zuko does his best not to look like he heard the conversation, well it sounded more like a scolding but either way.

“Tikilluarit!” the man says in a much more cheerful tone than he’d been using a moment before, he’s tall, a bit intimidating so. “What can I help–” he sees the moment the man actually looks at him, his eyes sharper now and he goes to speak again. “What are you looking for?”

The sharpness of his gaze carries into his voice in a way that puts Zuko on edge. He pulls his fingers through his hair, pulling back on into as he tries to keep some composure. He can see the man’s gaze flick over to the left side of him, lingering, taking in the damage. “I just moved here…” deciding to allow all his nervousness to come through, “with my mom.” It’s not till the man’s eyes widen with his words that he realises what he’s just said, opening his mouth to say anything else, to move the conversation on, but he can’t seem to get any words out.

“I’ll be honest kid, that’s really not what I expected you to say,” the man shakes his head, like he’s trying to gather his thoughts.

“Woah, you are so not from here,” A boy probably no older than himself says as he appears from behind one of the shelves. He’s tall, but lanky, and looks at him with wide blue eyes, excitement clear in his expression.

“Nuka,” the man, who Zuko can only assume is his father, bites out.

And while Zuko finds himself flinching at his tone, the other boy doesn’t seem at all phased. “What? I’m not wrong,” Nuka reasons to his father. He’s upon him only a few moments later, “so what’s your name?”

“Zuli,” he responds, his gaze shifting between Nuka and his father, uncertain if the man even wants him talking to his son. He keeps his eyes on them but doesn’t interfere in his son’s effort. “Yours is Nuka, right?”

Nuka nods. “Did you move here from the Earth Kingdom? Are you an earthbender? I’ve never met an earthbender before. You’re probably not a waterbender, but if your mom’s from here? Do you live nearby? Are you starting school here? Maybe we’ll be in the same class,” he rambles, seemingly not taking a breath as he does, but he must notice something in Zuko’s expression that gets him to stop, “sorry, ah, one question at a time would probably be better, but you know like no one ever moves here.”

Zuko finds himself smiling a bit at Nuka’s sudden nervousness, “it's alright.” He lets himself relax slightly as Nuka’s father walks off to do something else, though he doubts the man is out of earshot. “We lived on a ship, so we traveled a lot,” he starts, being a bit vague with the explanation. “I’m not an earthbender, and I’m adopted so definitely not a waterbender.”

“That makes a lot more sense,” Nuka comments, but doesn’t elaborate on what exactly he means, probably something to do with him not looking like a waterbender if he had to guess.

Whatever he might be thinking, Zuko would rather not stay on the bending questions, even if he’s a bit curious about the conversation that had been going on when he came in. “Our house is pretty close,” Zuko continues, gesturing in the general direction of it, not that it’s particularly helpful. “I’m not sure about school, it’s been a while since I’ve attended,” fiddles slightly with his hair, he’s not certain how expected it is to attend school in Agna Qel’a.

“Guess that makes sense, being on a boat and all,” the other boy says with a nod of understanding. “I can show you the reading from over break, maybe that’ll give you an idea of what we’re doing.”

Somehow Zuko finds himself following Nuka through the shelves and he pulls out a few scrolls and books. He’s not sure if he should tell him that his understanding of Watertribe script is a bit pitiful, and with his inability to make a decision he ends up with a stack of scrolls and a couple books that he’s almost certain he’ll barely understand half of. And nearly drops the pile when Nuka’s father calls a greeting to whoever’s walked in.

“And here I thought you’d be off looking at the whale tooth daggers,” Amka’s voice comes from behind him, making him turn to face her. “Some light reading?” she asks with a light chuckle.

“School reading,” Nuka answered for him, “I was showing Zuli what our assigned reading was for break.”

“You must be his mother,” Nuka’s father says before anyone responds to the other boy’s comment. He sounds a bit questioning, but doesn’t directly ask anything at the immediate, but if the way Amka straightens means anything, she might hear something in his tone that he hadn’t.

“He is,” she says definitely, “we should get these,” she gestures to the books, “I’ve got to meet Pakku at home soon so…” Zuko doubts anyone misses her point, they must leave quickly, but either way they buy the books before heading out.

“See you around Zuli,” Nuka says in goodbye.

____

“Is Pakku actually coming over?” he asks when they arrive home a few minutes later, trying not to sound too unenthused at the possibility of seeing the man again. It would be one thing if he just wasn’t fond of him, but the man makes no attempt to hide his disapproval of Amka’s time away, as he’s referred to what is actually the majority of her life.

“No, I just didn’t like his tone,” Amka says with a mild tone, giving him a knowing look, “I might put up with my brother’s disapproval, but I’m certainly not entertaining it from someone I don’t even know.”

“Nuka seems nice though,” Zuko comments as he tucks his books and scrolls into the bookshelf in the living room. “His father was telling him off about wanting to learn healing when I walked in.”

“Yeah?” she says like a question, looking a bit surprised, “that’s unexpected.”

“I know you’ve mentioned it some before, but I didn’t realise people were that serious about what could be taught to who.” He finds that Amka’s surprise doesn’t leave her expression with that comment either.

“It’s not just a way of thinking, it's the law here. Women are trained to be healers, men trained to be fighters,” Amka explains.

“I know the Northern Water Tribe has tried to stay out of it, but there’s still a war, to lose half your fighters because of sexism is frankly idiotic.” It’s a detriment to their safety, tradition be damned, Zuko’s face scrunches a bit at the thought, realised throwing away their traditions in favor of the war is what has made the Fire Nation as it is today, but it’s still a stupid tradition.

“Chief Arnook is convinced we can stay out of it, and Pakku is convinced that if the fighting were to come here, that our skill would be enough, even outnumbered” she says, though doesn’t look at all like she believes so. “That being said, of course it’s stupid, that’s why I left. No matter my or your thoughts on it though, we’re certainly not going to change their minds, and I’d rather you not get yourself in trouble.”

Zuko nods, but his expression must give away his displeasure at the request for him not to argue against such things because Amka gives a slight chuckle as she shakes her head. “Just thought I should say it. If you get yourself in trouble, well, I got myself into plenty before leaving here so like mother, like son.”

____

The night Zuko finds himself awoken with Imasu looming over him, it’s not anywhere near the first time it’s happened, but it’s always a bit jarring, having a giant possum wolf standing over you.

“Something wrong?” he asks after a moment, it’s not as though he’s managed much sleep with the ever present sun, though more because he’s just not particularly tired. Imasu doesn’t respond, at least not in words, but they’re up from the bed quickly, and nudging Zuko to rise as well. “Okay, okay, I’m getting up. Let me get a coat, it’s too cold out there for those of us without a natural one.”

Once they’re out of the townhouse he pulls himself onto Imasu’s back, knowing the spirit is itching to go, and he certainly can’t keep up with them on foot. The moment Zuko’s holding on the possum wolf is off, running through the quiet streets.

It’s a bit jarring, the light of the sky, but the city is quiet, barely anyone out and about, because despite the sun, it’s the wee hours of the morning, most everyone is still asleep.

A few minutes later Imasu comes to a stop before what appears to be a simple door, but something pulls at Zuko, telling him what’s beyond it is anything but. He dismounts Imasu, who nudges him forward toward the door, but doesn’t follow as he crosses the threshold, instead laying in front of the doorway like a lazy guard dog.

He carefully walks down the tunnel of ice, though it soon opens into an unexpectedly lush oasis in such an otherwise barren place. More though he notices a girl, knelt before the pond.

“Hello, I apologise for how long it’s been since I was last here,” she speaks to the pond, or no, more likely the fish swimming in it.

Honestly, there’s no need to be so formal, child, we’ve known you since you took your first breath in this world, what sounds like a woman’s voice scolds, Tui, his mind or maybe the spirit provides. For a moment he thinks about telling the girl what was said, but before he decides she’s already responding.

“Still, I do wish I could visit more often.”

“You can understand them?”

The girl jumps at his voice, narrowly stopping herself from falling into the water.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“What did you just say?” she asks, her eyes wide at him.

“I didn’t mean to scare you?”

“Before that. You can hear them?” she asks, glancing back at the pond before her eyes come back to him, likely unsure about taking her eyes off of him.

“So can you,” he counters. Was he wrong? Maybe she’s also a spirit? But most seem to almost inherently know that he’ll be able to understand them. She’s not a spirit, foolish boy, a voice he’s rather sure is La comments. After a moment it dawns on him who the girl is, blessed by the Tui when she was born, Princess Yue. Maybe calling him a fool was kind. “You are Princess Yue, aren’t you? Amka has mentioned you.”

“You know Amka?” Yue questions.

“She’s my mom,” he says, because any longer explanation would bring up a little more than he’d like to share right now.

“I thought I heard Pakku say she returned with a son, oh that’s lovely.” Zuko hadn’t expected the almost immediate change, her guarded expression from before lightening, and soon enough she waved him over to the pond. “You can really talk to spirits?”

“Sometimes, it’s up to them more than me, I don’t think I’d hear them if they didn’t want me to,” he explains, though it’s a bit of a poor explanation seeing as he and the crew could never figure out his connection with the spirits. “Before La was calling me a fool for thinking you might be a spirit, but now both of them aren’t saying anything, at least not to me.”

“I talk to them as often as I can, but I’ve never met another person who can. My father thinks it’s because I was blessed by Tui as a baby, that because she gave me life, I have a connection to the spirits others don’t.” She pauses a moment, her eyes almost examining him, like she’s trying to figure something out, “were you blessed by a spirit as well then?”

Zuko doesn’t have a great answer for that, seeing as he’s not sure why they speak to him, but he quite doubts he’d been blessed by any spirit, “not that I’m aware of,” he decides to say. “So the ocean and moon spirits, they live here,” he looks down at the pond, the two still quiet, “I knew there were rumors of them having mortal forms, but I didn’t think–” If we can kill the moon spirit the Water Tribes would be powerless, Zhao’s voice echoes in his mind. He’d gone on about the possibility for years, even his grandfather had thought the man mad, that killing a spirit would be a fool's errand. At the time he was sure his father thought the same, now though?

“How did you find your way here anyway?” Yue doesn’t sound necessarily concerned by his presence, but still curious, it’s not as though it was something he would have stumbled upon on his own.

“Imasu showed me,” he answers, “they’re a spirit. You can meet them if you’d like.”

You have a guiding spirit. Tui's voice doesn’t come through like a question. How odd… There’s a slight pause before she continues, we’ll talk again soon, child, go meet Imasu.

“Fair warning, they’re a bit bigger than a fish,” Zuko says as they exit the cave.

____

“That’s a giant wolf!” Yue gasps, when they exit the Spirit Oasis to Imasu still laying at the door.

“Technically they’re a possum wolf, but yes, they’re rather big,” Zuko laughs. “Imasu, are you awake?”

Zuko receives a grumble from the spirit, though they still open their eyes to look at the two of them. When their eyes find Yue a light gust of wind whips around her, messing her hair. “That’s hello…” he laughs lightly, “Imasu this is Princess Yue,” he introduces.

“Princess Yue!” A voice calls, just a moment before an older man comes into sight, “you can’t just run off like that.” He’s likely about Amka’s age, and while he attempts to scold, his tone sounds more resigned than anything. His attention quickly zeros in on him, and for a moment Zuko thinks he’s about to be encased in ice, but instead the man forcibly relaxes. “You must be Zuli,” he says, offering his arm.

If he had to guess, the man probably answers to Pakku, which would be a good reason for him to know his alias, though he’s not exactly excited to know that likely every guard in Agna Qel’a knows who he is, or at least part of who he is. Still, he takes his arm, which earns him the man's name and confirmation, “I’m Aoto, Pakku told me about you.” Zuko can’t tell what exactly Pakku’s told the man, as he doesn’t seem to have much of an opinion on him from the way he speaks, and the fact that he allows his eyes to leave him tells him it can’t be anything bad.

After their greeting his attention returns to Yue, who doesn’t look even slightly concerned about being caught, instead giving a polite smile, “just getting some air,” she says as her explanation.

“I don’t mind if you want to go out, Yue, I’d just like you to tell me. I’m too old to be chasing you all over the city,” Aoto shakes his head with a slight smile, seemingly very used to the girl’s antics. “Your parents will be worried if we don’t return soon.”

“Alright,” she concedes. “It was nice meeting you Zuli, you as well Imasu.”

Zuko nods in agreement, “have a nice night Yue.”

Before they leave Aoto turns to him once again, “tell your mother I said hello, and that she really should accept Uki’s offer, she’ll never leave her alone if she doesn’t,” he laughs; Zuko pretty sure the comment is from personal experience. He’s more caught up with Aoto referring to Amka as his mother though, as he does so without a moment of hesitation.

Zuko can’t seem to find his words, but he manages a nod and a polite bow as the two leave. Eventually he shakes himself from his shock to pull himself onto Imasu so they can return home.

Chapter Text

Imasu sticks close to him after the first night they visited the Spirit Oasis, rather than the disappearing act they’d been doing since their arrival in Agna Qel’a, of course that means the possum wolf is following close behind, even when Zuko ends up joining Akma to school. The spirit curls up at the back of the class, along with Zuko, who isn’t entirely sure he’ll choose to actually attend the school. Amka seems content to give him time to decide, though he’s still ended up there each day this week.

He wasn’t at all surprised when Amka officially decided to accept the teaching job, he knew when Uki asked that despite her immediate reaction being a no, that it wouldn’t end that way. He’s still not sure what he’ll end up doing, settling in, learning to adapt to the coming months of darkness or set out on his own, whatever that may amount to. He knows Amka will support the decision he makes, but she’s made it no secret that she’d prefer him to stay. With the sleepless nights that have seemed to become the regular for both of them, the calm they’re experiencing now, bringing everything they’d been pushing down since the attack on the Tiriganiarjuk to the forefront. It makes the idea of leaving all that much harder, he’s not sure he’d be able to, and if he did, he thinks it might just mean running from painful memories.

Most of the students have made the decision to ignore his presence at the back of the classroom, only a few giving a glance, always more meant for Imasu than him, even less willing to speak to him. He doesn’t make much of an effort to talk to anyone either though, usually burying his head in a book as a clear sign not to talk to him. He’d rather go unnoticed, he doesn’t want to cause trouble, and he seems to have quite the knack of doing so, usually through saying something stupid. The only person who seems to have no issue ignoring the wall he’s putting up, is Nuka, who’s always just as talkative as he was the first time they met, enough so that Amka’s had to tell him to pay attention a few times already.

Near the end of the day Zuko had decided to actually attempt walking about the school with the students attending clubs rather than hiding away in the classroom with Amka – okay that’s not entirely true, Uki had showed up at the classroom and dragged Amka off to some meeting, and had told him he should try meeting some of the other students. So here Zuko is, lost in the various halls of the school as students file out of classrooms.

The glances and whispers are something he’s gotten used to in his time here, always comments about the boy with ikippaa eyes. When he’d asked Amka the meaning, she’d said the word meant flames, that they were saying he had a firebender’s eyes, something that is far from uncommon to hear.

“I’m going out with Yue again this weekend,” a boy with black hair gloats loudly, bringing Zuko’s attention to him and the group he’s walking with, he vaguely recognises him from one of Amka’s classes, but he’s made an effort to ignore him after hearing him whispering to one of his friends about how Zuko shouldn’t be allowed in Agna Qel’a. The only reason his attention stays is when he notices Nuka among the group, who makes a face at the other’s bragging.

He sees Nuka ask something he can’t hear, but it gets him an eye roll and a loud laugh, “Sure, she’s boring, but her father’s Chief, I’m not gonna pass that up,” the boy responds.

Since their meeting at the Spirit Oasis, Yue and him had met a few times, with the approval of Aoto, It has made their friendship possible, or maybe he should be thanking Pakku, but he can’t bring himself to do that. Their ability to meet now aside, she’d mentioned an arranged betrothal in passing the other night, to a boy called Hahn. Part of him can’t believe this is actually him.

“What are you staring at?” someone barks at him, and it takes him shaking his head to even bring whoever it is into focus, and to register the voice, considering he wasn’t exactly paying much attention. Hahn stares back at him, taking a step toward him as he seems to try to loom over him, though they aren’t that far off in height from each other. It doesn’t seem to matter to Hahn as he makes an attempt at intimidation.

“Nothing,” Zuko answers, not exactly looking for a fight today, even if he already kind of thinks this guy sucks, besides, he can’t just fight anyone he doesn’t like.

“Yeah?” Hahn pushed him back, glaring at him, “didn’t seem like it.”

Imasu growls from behind him, and Zuko swears he can feel the air shift with it. “Everything’s fine Imasu,” he says, his eyes leaving the other boy to glance behind him at the spirit.

“Hahn,” Nuka starts, trying to get his attention, but he decidedly ignores him, stepping further into Zuko’s space.

“What are you doing here, aren’t you usually hiding behind your anaana.” He says the traditional Water Tribe word from mother like it’s some sort of insult, and it doesn’t take a genius to understand his point. Hahn’s expression is harsh, not one of teasing, no he’s ready for a fight, his insult clearly meant to goad him into it.

“Amka had a meeting, so I thought I might look around,” Zuko explains, not rising to the bait.

“And he speaks full sentences, here I thought you might not think us worthy,” Hahn says with a biting tone, sneering at him.

“Come on Hahn, leave him alone,” Nuka says, stepping toward them.

“No. He’s turned his nose up at speaking to any of us since he’s got here, just stares from behind those books of his, judging us. He thinks he’s better than us, all of them do.” He looks at Zuko with his lips pressed into a line.

Some understanding dawns on Zuko with that comment, why Hahn or anyone else has an issue with his presence here. It’s not entirely that he’s very clearly Fire, it’s what they know his nation believes of the Water Tribes, something he’s not made clear he doesn’t believe. He’s heard the term thrown around plenty, most recently by someone he’d rather not think about. He’s sure it’s no secret to anyone here that the Fire Nation will refer to the Water Tribes as ice savages, something that Zuko can’t say he wasn’t taught to believe as a child, and only really had Lu Ten speak against. Of course, like plenty else he was taught as a child, he sees how much of a lie it was. In his attempt to make himself go mostly unnoticed he’s made it seem he’s exactly what they expect, even if he’s not vocalising such.

“I don’t believe that,” he says, fiddling slightly with the book in his hands.

“Doesn’t seem like it. You don’t attend class because you think you’re smarter, all you do is glare at those books like you think they're beneath you,” Hahn rants.

“He doesn’t think that,” Nuka says, stepping between them slightly. He sees the other boy look back at him for a moment, urging him to explain, seeing as Nuka asked him something similar when he realised he wasn’t attending any class beside Amka’s, be it in a nicer way.

“Why are you defending him? He’s no different than any other ashmaker, just because he’s not attacking us doesn’t mean he thinks we're equals,” he argues.

Nuka tenses at the word, as does much of the slight crowd that has gathered since this conversation started. Zuko’s heard it enough that he doesn’t react, instead he backs up slightly, trying to make it obvious he’s not planning to fight, and giving Nuka some room, seeing as he had to push his way to get between them.

“I don’t– I’m still learning Water Tribe script,” he holds up the book in his hand, it wasn’t even one of the ones Nuka had suggested, instead one meant for a year or so younger. Amka had asked the language teacher for some suggestions when Zuko had told her he was struggling with the books they’d gotten.

Nuka’s shoulders settle slightly, obviously believing whatever confrontation was going to settle, but he’s looking at Zuko, not Hahn who looks like he was given the perfect ammunition.

“Your anaana didn’t teach you?” he says in a sort of coo, like talking to a child.

“Did I do something to make you not like me or are you always this much of a jerk?” Zuko asks, narrowing his gaze at him.

“You didn’t have to, your people have done plenty. I’m training to protect my home from a military made of firebenders, I won’t sit by while one pretends to play nice.” Hahn bites out.

Zuko doesn’t bother with an answer, instead making his way past Hahn, “I’ll see you later Nuka.” Imasu trails behind him, the possum wolf making people clear, or maybe it’s him, he’s really not sure.

____

Eventually Zuko stumbles upon a large courtyard, where a small group is gathered, along with someone he certainly didn’t expect. “Aoto?”

“Zuli, come to join us?” the man, who everytime time he’d seen him had been acting as Yue’s guard, asks. Uki really is passionate about recruiting the best of the best for her school it seems, and his comment the first night they met makes much more sense now.

“I’m not a waterbender,” he says after a glance around at the few people gathered practicing their forms. It’s not as though Aoto doesn’t know that, but he’s not entirely certain what he’d join them to do.

“You're still welcome to stay,” the older man says with a calm certainty. “I spoke with your mother earlier, she said you’ve made quite the use of waterbending forms with your own bending,” he continues, though Zuko is still caught up on him saying your mother. Aoto always says it so casually, without malice or opinion to it, he says it as a fact. He calls Amka his mother because he means it, and sees her as such. Zuko grew up with people very rarely referring to his parents as his parents, but he’s not sure he’d ever have been so glad to hear it said with such certainty. “I’m admittedly interested in knowing how it translates,” the man's words eventually register.

“Thank you. I think I’d like to stay, though maybe it best if I sit out joining in bending for a while,” his voice comes out a bit shaky, beyond his lack of wanting to cause any more issues with other students, he’s also been careful to reign in his bending with the long days here. He can feel the heat constantly under his skin, it’s easier to control than he’d expect, but it’s still more firepower than he’s used to having at his disposal. “Just til everyone gets used to my being here.”

After a few moments Aoto nods in agreement, “you’re kind to think of others. Let me know if you ever want time to train, I’ll see about reserving here or another of the training halls.”

“Sorry I’m late!” a familiar voice calls as he runs into the room, nearly crashing into Zuko before he narrowly manages to skid to a stop. “Oh Zuli, what are you doing here?” Nuka asks, his eyes full of wide curiosity, which he’s found they almost always are.

“Aoto invited me to observe,” he explains before turning back to the older man, “will by those pillars be an alright place for Imasu and I?” He gestures to a far spot in the room, about the furthest point from where a small waterfall flows into their water source for practice.

With his agreement Zuko walks to where both he and Imasu can fit between the two large pillars of ice. Imasu flops down without argument, and Zuko leans back against them when he sits on the ground. “Do you think they’ll bend similarly to Amka?” he whispers to the possum wolf. Imasu lets out a huff that sounds a bit like a scoff, as though to say I doubt they’re that good.

Somehow in the next few weeks Zuko attending the waterbending club’s meetings becomes the norm, even when Amka doesn’t have work to do after school. Nuka and him start walking home together after, the two of them becoming, maybe not fast friends, but friends nonetheless, as his uncertainty of being in Agna Qel’a wanes.

Eventually there comes a day where he, more importantly the rest of the club, feels comfortable with him bending. It feels good to bend, without being looked at with fear, but instead, intrigue, much of that day’s meeting ends up spent on discussing the differences in waterbending and firebending.

It feels a bit like he’s settling in.

Chapter Text

“He’s gonna lose it when he finds out,” Nuka comments, momentarily gazing up from his healing scroll to give Zuko a very pointed look.

“Nothing is going on, and he has no say over who Yue is friends with,” he counters, going back to reading over his letter to Jet.

“So whoever it is you’re always sending letters to is perfectly fine with you having a princess as a friend?” he teases, gesturing to the parchment in Zuko’s hands.

“No, and I’m not a princess, so Hahn has nothing to worry about.”

“Yes because some boy that’s traveled the world is less interesting than some egotistical jerk.”

“You’d think you weren’t friends with the egotistical jerk,” Zuko half jokes, because really he still doesn’t understand why Nuka puts up with Hahn. “Besides, you make me sound more interesting than I am.”

“I think I make you sound less interesting actually, but whatever you want to tell yourself,” Nuka shrugs. “Honestly though he’s not entirely off base, you’re telling me your girlfriend isn’t a bit miffed about you hanging out with a princess? Or have you not told her?” He gives a slight smirk, like he knows he’s right.

Zuko can’t exactly blame him for the assumption, he’s not told Nuka about Jet, or really anyone from his travels, and he often assumes he’s only writing to one person rather than multiple. Truthfully he’s written more to Sokka, be it only a couple letters given the distance. Still, Jet only recently returned to Gaipan, or only just got to send out a letter seeing as the situation there doesn’t make for easy access to messenger birds. He weighs his options on what to tell Nuka, with what he knows about the boy, and the fact that he’s made a habit of coming over his and Amka’s place to study healing scrolls, he hopes he’ll be a bit more accepting than he’d expect from anyone else, but the possibility of losing a friend, one of his only friends in Agna Qel’a, he’s not sure telling him is worth the risk, even if it’s a small one.

“I don’t have a girlfriend,” he says, “so there is no one to be jealous of my friendship with Yue, besides most of the time I’m writing Sokka, and seeing as his dad is Chief Hakoda, I don’t think he really needs to be jealous.” Of course the Southern Water Tribe doesn’t really have the same hierarchy that the North does, but it’ll still hold some weight to Nuka, even after Amka’s lessons explaining how their traditions have split from each other in their time apart.

“Are you just going around befriending nations’ leaders’ kids, next you’ll tell me you know the Earth King’s kid, or knowing what you get up to, some Fire Nation royalty,” He says, and though it’s clearly a joke Zuko feeling a slight jolt in him.

Zuko has managed to, not forget, but heavily ignore who exactly he is for a while, he’s buried it, or maybe it’s the experiences he’s had in the time since his banishment that has let him bury it, at least in his day to day life. His nightmares might still be haunted with memories of his past, of how it impacted those who helped him, but in his waking hours, he’s managed to trick himself into being Zuli rather than Zuko. It’s easier, to be a nobody from the Fire Nation, sure it still carries weight, but it’s nothing compared to the truth, of who he’s supposed to be, of everything he was expected to become.

“What?” Nuka asks, after the long silence, looking up from his scroll once again.

“The Earth King doesn’t have any children. Neither does King Bumi of Omashu,” Zuko comments, “I know you know that, considering those were questions on Amka’s quiz last week –which I helped you study for.”

“Of course I do!” he defends himself, giving an overly dramatic gasp in offense. “I also know when you’re deflecting,” he says with a raised brow, “so who do you know? Some Fire Princess? Is that a title in the Fire Nation? We haven’t covered the Fire Nation government yet, some parents have been weird about it, even though it makes sense to learn.” Nuka rambles slightly. “Seriously though, you never tell me anything about before you met Amka, the more you avoid it the more wild things I’m going to imagine,” he jokes, through he must notice Zuko’s not entirely up for a joke as his expression turns more subdued, “I try not to ask about it to much, but I don’t even know if you’re from the Fire Nation or the colonies, or why you left. You know I’m not going to suddenly hate you because of where you’re from, right?”

Zuko wishes he could believe that, but knowing who he is, who his father is, what his family is, he knows it would change everything, he hasn’t told anyone since his banishment, he can’t tell anyone, not if he wants to stay as Zuli. Amka knows of course, and he’s lucky that she didn’t throw him to Zhao after finding out. That she cares for him, that she's willing to claim him as her son despite the horrors his family has brought upon the world, despite the horrors he’s personally brought to her.

Besides, even if he did want to tell him everything, he’s not particularly interested in getting into it today, especially not with Pakku coming over for dinner later, dealing with him after telling his life story to Nuka is not his idea of a good time. Maybe one day he’ll regret not telling him, but today, he’s just Zuli, he’s Fire, but he’s just a citizen, he’s certainly not a prince. “I’m from the Fire Nation, and yes there is a Fire Princess.” He doesn’t say anything beyond that, and he can’t bring himself to look at Nuka, knowing he’s lying by omission. It's far from the first time he’s had to lie to someone he cares about, but the weight of it is never easy to bear.

Nuka seems to understand that questions about his life before Amka are off the table, letting the conversation rest for now, instead going back to teasing him about his friendship with Yue.

____

Zuko had tuned out most of Amka and Pakku’s conversion over dinner, something he’d gotten into a habit of doing while the man’s around. He’s never been great at keeping his mouth shut and despite not understanding it Amka seems set on weekly dinners with her brother, so he finds it best to just ignore the man as much as he can. It’s not as though he’s actually that bad, he’s fine when comparing him to the likes of who was around the palace when he was growing up, he’s not power hungry, particularly violent, or a fucking creep, so really points for that. Most of Zuko’s issue with him comes in underhanded sexist comments, Amka is masterful at segwaying away from them, probably because she’s had plenty of practice. Then there’s the fact that Pakku seems like he knows more than he lets on. Zuko’s been around liars plenty, he’s good at telling when someone’s holding back, and while doing so seems too at odds with Pakku’s personality, he’s certainly doing it. It might be something to do with his position, he’s practically the head of the Northern Water Tribe’s Military, but Zuko’s not sure that’s the entirety of it. He’s not going to ask him, being that he’s certain it would not go well.

“Zuli’s starting classes soon.” Zuko tunes back in hearing Amka say his name, not certain when he became the topic of conversation.

“I’m sure that will go well,” Pakku says in a tone that makes it clear he believes the opposite.

“I’m there most days anyway, it’s been going fine,” Zuko points out.

“Yes, that incident with Hahn was fine,” the man says with a raised brow.

“That was weeks ago and nothing happened,” he defends. “Why do you even know about that,” he finds himself biting with a sharp glare. He knows Amka wouldn’t have told him, maybe Aoto, but that seems unlikely too. Had Hahn himself really tattled on him to Agni Qel’a head of security? Zuko wouldn’t put it past him, and he probably has the access to, with his arranged relationship to Yue.

“His father reported the incident to me.” Pakku sighs, “Amka I know you are…” he may as well roll his eyes, “unconventional, but I’d thought even you would’ve taught your son some respect.”

You will learn respect, and suffering will be your teacher.

Zuko hears Amka’s voice, sharp as a tiger snake, “when you have children you can raise them as you see fit, as for my son you’ll keep your thoughts to yourself.” He hears it, but his body is already moving, and he’s out of the room before anyone can manage a word to him. He’s in his room, his face buried in the sleeping spirit’s fur, but he can still hear Amka when she says, “what is wrong with you? You know– Of all the– get out. Get out of my home.” He doesn’t hear Pakku’s response, but he does hear the front door close after another minute, so he’s sure the man’s left.

He feels Amka sit next to him, silent for a while while he tries to will away the images of fire coming toward him, his father’s words, the searing pain, his own scream.

“Zuko,” Amka says quietly, her hand hovering above his back for a long moment before she starts rubbing small circles into his spine, “you needn't listen to him. Pakku always thinks he knows more than he does.” She doesn't press when he says nothing in response, the two of them falling back into silence. Amka doesn’t leave, and he’s glad for that, because he really doesn’t want her too, even if it takes a while for him to push himself from where he’s buried himself in Imasu’s fur.

“I shouldn’t have said anything,” Zuko mumbles as he pushes himself to sit up next to Amka. “I always get myself in trouble when I speak out of turn.”

“I never want you to think you can’t defend yourself against what someone says or does, anyone, even with Pakku. He was out of line bringing up what happened with Hahn, I should have assumed it would get back to him, but he hadn’t said anything. And I know Hahn’s father wouldn’t have been truthful about what happened,” Amka sighs. “I’ll speak with Pakku about tonight,” she rubs his back softly like she had been.

Zuko’s never felt like Amka was lying to him before, and he’s not sure that’s exactly what he’s feeling now, it’s more like she’s leaving something out, cutting off what she wants to say, to tell him. The fact that she never looks to meet his eyes is damning, she’s hiding something.

Zuko knows parents hide things from their kids, of course he knows that. His parents had had plenty of secrets of their own, and his mother in particular seemed to have a whole other life she never spoke about, one he’d catch references to on occasion, one that his father would bring up with anger in his tone. Amka has secrets, some Zuko has figured out, ones like her past with Uki, or her issues with her parents. What she’s keeping from him now, maybe it’s for the best he doesn’t know.

Eventually he nods, before curling back into Imasu’s fur.

“I’ll see you in the morning,” Amka says as she rises, the tiredness to her tone evident.

Zuko doesn’t fall asleep for a while after, tossing and turning with memories haunting him.

____

Zuko sits next to Yue on the bridge of ice, his feet dangling over the edge while she sits a bit back from it, legs criss-crossed. The days have started to become shorter, the moon out more often than the sun, and he’s already started to feel it as his energy wanes quickly. Still, he enjoys their talks, and Yue can rarely meet early in the day, so with the moon high the two of them meet at what has become their usual location when they don’t want Tui and La interrupting with cryptic whispers.

Unlike Zuko, the other residents of Agna Qel’a don’t seem bothered by the shorter days, the streets still bustling well after dark, the lanterns along the street and the shops illuminate the night.

“How’d your date with Hahn go the other night?” Zuko asks, seeing Yue look a bit surprised at the question, she hadn’t told him about it, unlucky for him he goes to school with the jerk. “Hahn has an inability to shut up where you’re concerned, if it weren’t for you being a princess I’m sure someone would’ve told him to shut up by now.”

“If only I could tell him to shut it, he barely lets me get a word in. My parents ask a million questions everytime and I have no idea what to tell them,” Yue groans, putting her head in her hands. “I want to make this work, maybe he'll grow up some by the time we actually have to get married.”

“We can only hope,” Zuko says with a slight huff of a laugh.

“What about your girlfriend?” Yue asks in a teasing tone. He’d told her about Nuka’s assumption the other week and she’d found it absolutely hilarious, and then proceeded to ask plenty of questions about all those he writes to.

Zuko makes a point to roll his eyes at her, “don’t you start now. I think I finally got Nuka to believe me today.”

She puts her hands up in mock surrender, laughing as she does, “fine fine, I believe you,” and with how she says it, he’s almost certain she doesn’t

____

Zuko’s in the water before he gets the chance to react, frozen arctic water soaking his jacket quickly, he’s only glad the fountain isn't particularly deep, so the weight of the jacket dripping in water isn’t weighing him down.

He hears someone laughing, more than one person he’s pretty sure, but that sound of it feels far away as the icy surroundings seem to disappear in favor of the palace gardens, the fountain, his sister’s and Ty Lee’s laughs in his ears.

The world comes back with a fierceness when a wave crashes over him, and as the water recedes enough, Hahn stalks toward him, yanking him up by his soaked coat, eyes narrowed at him, “I ever hear about you even looking at Yue again, it’ll be the canal next time,” he says before throwing him back down, a boy he doesn’t recognised letting the water rush back when Hahn is out of the pond.

“What is going on here?” Uki says with a tone that stops everyone in their tracks. Zuko’s not surprised to find Nuka next to her, even if he hadn’t seen him before. He pushes himself from the pond, the frosty water on him steaming with his skin’s heat, his body reacting to the sudden cold more harshly than he’d expect, more maybe it’s the fact that he’d probably have finally given up his self imposed passiveness and gone after Hahn if the Headmistress hadn’t shown up.

Speaking of, the idiot and his little group can’t manage a good excuse, all clamoring over each other trying to say he’d started it, of course the lack of burns or even melted ice makes that pretty unlikely. Zuko, still soaked despite his body’s attempt to heat himself dry, would make what happened pretty obvious even if he hadn’t been in the fountain when she got here. He knows Nuka likely told her what had started when he’d gone to get her as well.

“Alright, the five of you to my office, now,” she gestured to Hahn and his minions, as well as Nuka and him. “You will wait there until your parents can be retrieved.” Zuko finds his friend’s expression, which at Uki’s words looks a bit like he’s seen a ghost, he doesn’t have to guess why, Nuka’s father isn’t going to be particularly happy hearing about this.

____

Amka is to the office nearly as soon as they are, “spirits, you’re soaked.” She doesn’t waste time, bending the still left water from his coat, which is still pretty wet, though he’d argue he’s not soaked anymore.

“I’m fine, Amka, it’s not like they actually hurt me,” he says with an attempt at a reassuring smile, though her worried expression doesn’t change. For once Hahn isn’t stupid, keeping his mouth shut with Amka there.

It takes over a candle-mark for the rest of the parents to arrive, quicker than he’d expected, honestly. He’s pretty sure hearing your kids got into an altercation with a firebender might have parents come running though.

Before long they gathered in Uki’s office, and he realises then he’s never been to a Headteacher’s office before, of course who would call for the Fire Lord and Lady over something their son did at school, you may as well sign your resignation or your own death certificate. Zuko looks at those gathered, Hahn’s father – who looks very displeased with being here, the two minions’ mothers, and lucky for Nuka, his mother – she looks a bit nervous, though he’s not entirely sure why, he’s only met her once before, she seemed kind enough, plenty more so than Nuka’s father, she’s a healer, according to Nuka.

Uki takes a seat at her desk with an audible sigh, folding her hands on it. There’s a long silence, and before she gets to speak Hahn’s father decides to, “why exactly am I here, Uki? You know I don’t have the time for this.” The headmistress looks displeased at his interruption, or maybe at his familiarity, either way she clears her throat in a way that feels pointed.

“Well maybe your son would like to explain that, seeing as he’s the one who decided to assault another student,” Uke says, gesturing for Hahn to explain.

Hahn sputters at the attention, “he started it,” the other boy claims.

“Yeah, if he hadn’t been cozying up to Hahn’s girlfriend–” one of the minion’s starts, he’s pretty sure he’s the waterbender who crashed a wave over him.

Amka squeezes his shoulder, a silent request for him not to say anything yet. Nuka gives him a look that he’s sure is meant to mean something like I told you so, which he did, not that Zuko being friends with Yue should really matter, especially considering Hahn complains about her more often than not. This whole thing is more than idiotic.

“And so you thought you’d throw him into a fountain?” Uke questions. “You know very well I don’t tolerate bullying in my school, and seeing as I’ve been informed that this is not the first time you three have participated in such–”

“This is some sort of joke right? Why is he even attending school here?” Wave minion’s mother asks, gesturing toward him.

“Because he and his mother live in Agna Qel’a, just like anyone else in the city, he’s welcome at my school, and as such I won’t tolerate him being harassed.” Uki lets out a sigh, giving Amka a not entirely subtle look, but Zuko can’t decipher what it means. “I can assure you attacking another student is not something I joke about.”

“Is that why I didn’t get called in when his wolf nearly attacked my son?” Hahn’s father acusesses.

“Imasu did not nearly attack him,” Zuko says before he can think better of it, “you pushed me and mocked me when I told you why I wasn’t attending classes yet; then today you threaten to throw me into a canal if I stay friends with Yue, which is not up to you.”

“He calls Zuli names,” Nuka adds, earning him glare from Hahn and his mother tensing.

“Why are you siding with him?” Minion number two – the one who didn’t crash a wave over him – glares.

“That’s enough, quiet, all of you,” Uki orders. “Honestly, I did not call you here to have you argue your sons had the right to attack another child. You’re here to know that your sons will have weekend detention for the next month, and if another instance like this happens we’ll be discussing further punishment.” She doesn’t leave room for argument, “you,” she speaks to the six to his left, “are free to leave.”

When the five of them are left Uki finally has the smile he so often finds her with when Amka and him run into her outside school. “I’m sorry to have called you all the way here Akumik, I didn’t want Nuka here without you though, I wasn’t sure how it would go.”

“It’s fine,” Nuka’s mom says with a tone that seems too soft compared to the others in the room.

“Well thank you for coming, and Amka I’ll have someone cover your last couple class for the day,” Uki says, which leads into a set of short goodbyes before the four of them are leaving Uki’s office. In the hall Amka starts a different discussion.

“Nuka’s been quite the friend to Zuli, I hope you know I’m grateful for that,” she says, thanking her, ruffling Zuko’s hair as she does. He attempts to smooth it after, to which Nuka stifles a laugh at.

“He’s been good for Nuka, and I’m glad he has a place he can go,” she responds, in a much more serious tone, one that has Zuko finding Nuka’s reaction, who is decidedly not looking at him now, but he knows all too well what Akumik is insinuating.

“You’re welcome anytime, the both of you,” Amka says like a promise.

Chapter Text

The morning no longer comes with the light of the sun, it hadn’t for several weeks, but now even the afternoon does not come with it, the day a constant night, one that for the past month as been slowly wearing on him, his inner fire searching for any sort of warmth, instead only sapping his energy. It becomes difficult to wake as much as it is to sleep, consistent poor night's sleep, even more so than his usual nightmare filled ones. His mornings are difficult, but he still manages to pull himself from his bed.

Amka had gone in early today – make up tests for a few students if he remembers correctly, she didn’t wake him, knowing he needs whatever rest his body will allow him. She worries over him constantly, even if with his attempts to convince her that he’s fine –though seeing as both Nuka and Yue have noticed he’s grown paler than he already was, he must not be hiding his state very well.

Still he makes his way to school, Imasu’s off somewhere yet again, the spirit had been vanishing the way they had been when they first got to Agna Qel’a, but they always return, and he’s not had the energy to be concerned about it. Nuka is upon him the moment he gets to the steps of the large building, “you look like shit.”

“Thanks Nuka, just what I want to hear,” he says with weak sarcasm.

“Should you even be at school?”

“It’s not like I’m contagious, I’m just tired,” Zuko shrugs.

Throughout the day Nuka’s watchfulness of him is hard to ignore, they share quite a few classes so it’s rare they aren’t together. Neither of them have Amka’s class today so it seems he’s taken it upon himself to watch over him. Despite Nuka being rather adamant that he looks half in the grave, no one else comments on it. He makes it through lessons, quiet, but he’s rarely very outspoken in them, a combination of uncertainty of his classmates comfort and some difficulty following along with their text.

With the day coming to an end he joins Nuka to the waterbending club, they were meant to both go to Amka’s after so it made sense for him to, despite his tiredness he’s still looking forward to the club.

“Does your mom know you’re here?” Aoto asks immediately as they walk in.

“Probably?” Zuko responds with what he thinks is an appropriate amount of confusion, but Aoto doesn’t look like he believes him. Maybe Amka thought he wasn’t at school today? He hadn’t seen her, but he wasn’t that poorly.

“She was fretting about you to Uki and I this morning, I’m not sure she expected you to come to school today,” Aoto clarifies, and his frown tells Zuko he probably agrees.

“I’m fine, I’ll be better off getting some bending practice.” He’s not sure how true that is, he’s been bending despite the lack of sun in the North Pole, trying to keep his inner fire more alive, though the difference in the energy it seems to take is glaring compared to the constant sun when they first arrived.

“Just take it easy, for both of our sakes,” Aoto says with a sigh, waving them into the courtyard-like room.

____

“Zuli!” is the last thing he hears before he hits the ground, the world around him going dark.

He’s not sure how long he was out for, but being that he woke up to most of the waterbending club crowded around him it couldn’t have been that long. His vision is still blurry when he sees the room become suddening quite a bit brighter, the torches in the room flaring if he had to guess, before being entirely thrown into darkness, save for the light of the moon shining down. He can’t keep his head up much longer, he feels someone catch him but he can’t make out who it is, his vision quickly fading.

____

When he wakes again Amka is there, they’re not at the school, instead he finds his bedroom when his vision clears. He also finds there’s quite the group there, Nuka’s sat on the end of his bed, barely enough room with Imasu who’s curled themself next to Zuko, and Akumik is sat beside Amka.

“You’re a fine healer Amka, even if you don’t care to be one, so what is it that you think he needs me for?” She questions with a lack of malice to her words despite how others comment negatively on Amka’s choices.

“Anaana, he fainted at school today,” Nuka says, and considering her lack of surprise, he’s probably already said as much, or Amka had.

“I just need a second opinion,” Amka has a nervousness to her tone that is becoming less rare to hear than he’d like, he knows parents are supposed to fret, but truthfully neither of his parents had, not like this. They couldn’t, it wouldn’t have been well received, his mother’s worrying came in the form of warnings of his father’s ire more often than anything else, and his father wasn’t one to fret about anyone else.

“He’s not sick, Amka, but you already knew that. His spirit is weak, searching for warmth probably. It’s similar to that of us during the days, harsher without the pull of the ocean. He’ll be okay, but he needs rest, which I suspect he isn’t getting enough of,” Akumik explains, and Amka gives a solemn sort of nod in agreement.

“He had some trouble in the South Pole,” she glances at him as if asking permission to explain, he nods but buries his face into Imasu’s fur after, not wanting to see their reactions. Amka goes on to explain what had happened during the South Pole’s Winter Solstice celebrations, his loss of control.

“Like the torches?” Nuka asks, sounding calmer than he’d expected. No one says anything, but there must have been a look to explain because he continues, “the torches in the training courtyard, they flared when Zuli woke up the first time, then they all went out. I think Aoto had them relit while I came to get you.”

“Maybe water from the spirit Oasis,” Akumik ponders, “it might aid him.”

“I’ll have to speak with Chief Arnook,” Amka agrees.

“Or I could just ask Tui and La when I see them, Yue wants to go to the Spirit Oasis soon,” he finally decides to speak. Zuko really shouldn;t be surprised by the look he gets at that, Amka’s expression falling back into her no nonsense look she nearly always wore on the Tiriganiarjuk.

“If you think you’re going anywhere for at least the next week you’re a fool. You’ll stay here and rest, I’ll handle getting the water,” she says with a certainty that Zuko doesn’t dare argue with.

____

In his state between asleep and awake he hears Amka come and go plenty, often at his side but when she’s not Imasu is always there and he’s certain to go get her if he has some turn for the worse. Nuka comes by after school everyday, despite the fact that Zuko often can’t stay awake the entire time he’s over. Akumik comes to check on him, but it only ever ends in confirming Amka’s worries, his inner fire, his spirit, weakening more and more each day.

He’s not sure how long it’s been, the nights are difficult to keep track of, but he hears Pakku’s voice, it’s raised, like her and Amka are arguing, which isn’t entirely uncommon, though Zuko hasn’t seen much of him since that night Amka had thrown him out of the house. What’s unexpected are the man’s words.

“Amka you have to trust me.”

“Trust you!? You told Arnook not to give me the Spirit Oasis water, my son is suffering because you’re too stuck in your ways, he has more of a connection to the spirits than you or I ever will!”

“He’s not your son Amka!” Pakku shouts.

Zuko tenses as he listens to the exchange, pressing his back into Imasu, eyes on the door.

“What you believe of what he is to me doesn’t matter, he is my son,” Amka’s voice counters, not shouting, but full of power, belief.

“He has parents, Amka.” There’s a long pause, so long that Zuko can actually process what Pakku knows before he says it, despite his sleep-addled brain. “For once in your life listen to me, his name is not Zuli, it’s Zuko, Prince Zuko. That boy is not some runaway, he’s Fire Lord Ozai’s son, the Crown Prince of the Fire Nation. Put him on a boat traveling as far away from here as possible, he’ll be fine once he’s further south.”

“If Ozai even thinks about coming near him I’ll kill him myself,” Amka says with such certainty that he almost believes she could, but his body recoils sharply at the thought of Amka ever being anywhere near his father, a fire that’s not his fills his visions.

This time the silence is terrifying, because Zuko can’t begin to guess what Pakku will say.

“You knew. You brought him here and you knew? Of all the foolish things you’ve done.” They must be near his door because Pakku’s voice isn’t particularly loud but he can hear him fine. “He has an uncle, Iroh, he’s a good man. I can contact him, Amka, please. If he stays here, if someone finds out he’s here.”

Zuko had been thinking about it for ages, why Zhao had foregone searching for him, how he had known Zuko was on the Tiriganiarjuk, because he must have, he wouldn’t have truly given up on finding him.

After what had happened in the South Pole he’d sent a letter to his uncle, when their messenger bird hadn’t returned he’d thought his uncle had to have been quite far, maybe he’d made it to Ba Sing Se. In the months since the ambush of the Tiriganiarjuk, he’d always wondered how Zhao had planned it, why he’d have done it, some ship with a small pirate crew that, while troublesome, was likely not worth so many ships.

Then there was that bird, their rare northern messenger bird, the one he’d used to send a letter to his uncle, one like it returning the day it all happened, though Zuko couldn’t guess if it was the same bird. Zhao had found out he was on the Tiriganiarjuk, for sure, his letter to Iroh may as well have told Zhao everything about them if he’d intercepted it, and if he’d shot down such a unique looking bird, with news of the banished Prince that had destroyed his reputation with his attack of Kentu Harbor, he was the type to have his men watch for another.

It had been his fault, Zhao ambushed them because he was there, because he’d sent that letter, he’s almost sure. Pakku’s right, they aren’t safe as long as he’s here.

“I’d love to know the story of why your apparent friendship with the Dragon of the West is fine but me taking in a kid who was burnt and disabled by his father is an issue. He was thirteen, Pakku! Do you remember what we were doing at thirteen? Certainly not being abused by our father with a crowd of people looking on, including your friend Iroh. I am not leaving him and I’m not throwing him out, he won’t lose another home, not as long as I have a say in it.” There’s a long pause, when Pakku doesn’t respond but Amka doesn’t continue either, he thinks maybe that they’ve lowered their voices, but he can’t be sure.

He flinches when the front door slams a little while later, not expecting the noise. It’s not long after that his own door opens, Amka, who had obviously thought he was asleep with how carefully she’d opened it.

“Oh, you’re awake,” she makes a gesture toward the chair near a bed, and with a nod she’s at his bedside. “How are you feeling?”

“He’s right, you know? About me. If someone finds out I’m here–”

“Since when do you listen to Pakku?” She interrupts with a raised brow and it’s a bit like she’s trying to force herself to sound light, like it’s a joke. They both know better though, that with Pakku knowing, and more likely than not Chief Arnook knowing as well, that this conversation has to happen.

“I do have Iroh though, if Pakku knows where he is–” Zuko starts, but stops when he sees Amka tense, shaking her head.

“And send you to be with someone who didn’t fight for you? Who let a thirteen year-old face his own father in an Agni Kai and did nothing?” Amka sighs, “I’m sorry. I know– I’ve heard plenty of rumors about Iroh, my brother thinks I know less than I do. I know he wouldn’t hurt you, that he’s not the same man he was at Ba Sing Se. I’m sure Pakku already told him your here–”

“If he hasn’t, he shouldn’t. I think Zhao is intercepting any northern messenger bird.”

“What makes you think that?”

“I think he’s been doing so since I sent a message to my uncle from Wolf’s Cove.” Amka doesn’t look entirely surprised by that, though her lips pull into a frown. She nods for him to continue, likely understanding why he would have at the time. “I’ve been trying to figure out how Zhao knew, both that I was on the Tiriganiarjuk and where we were going to be. I don’t know if my uncle was on his ship or if he just chose to shoot down the bird–” he shakes his head, not wanting to think about the possibility of Iroh being on Zhao’s ship– “either is possible. He would know for sure I was with you then, and what our bird looked like, Pakku’s letter came with the same kind of bird, I think Zhao let us receive that message.” Zuko fingers go white, grasping the furs over his lower half, “if he sees another northern bird he might shoot it down, or if Iroh is still on his ship…”

“It’ll go right to him.” Amka is up in a second, “I will be right back!”

Chapter Text

I got drenched today and it’s all your fault.

Sokka’s letter starts without so much as a hello, but that’s not entirely uncommon, he rarely wastes parchment on hellos. Zuko has a guess about why he’s getting blamed, but he reads on the see if he’s correct.

Katara’s obsessed with that waterbending scroll you sent, she’s been dragging be along to be her look out while she practices with her magic water and somehow I get soaked every time.

“What are you smiling at?” Nuka asks as he walks into his room, his eyes landing on the letter in Zuko’s hands, lighting with unmistakable mischief. “Is that your girlfriend?” he teases with a smirk, bounding over.

Zuko lets out a purposely exasperated breath, rolling his eyes, “it’s Sokka,” he deadpans. Speaking of his girlfriend –well girlfriend adjacent– Jet hadn’t responded to his letter, that fact didn’t sit well, especially with having no idea of how Gaipan is fairing. He forces away the thought of Jet, Smellerbee, and Longshot being in danger, or worse.

“He sends you a lot of letters,” Nuka comments, though he doesn’t elaborate beyond that, but instead plops down in the chair next to Zuko’s bed. “You’re more awake today, are you feeling any better?”

Zuko shrugs slightly, this is the first time he’s been properly awake when Nuka’s come by, so he folds the letter from Sokka, planning to read the rest of it later. “Maybe,” he’d like to think he’s getting used to it, that he’ll be able to go back to normal, even if he can’t bend, but it’s more likely that he’d just awoke later than he has been, meaning Nuka’s visit lined up with his consciousness.

“Oh yeah, Aoto is sending me to start training with Master Pakku soon, after we finish school of course–” Nuka says. Despite his state Zuko notices the shakiness to Nuka’s voice, something that he’s far from shocked about. He knows Nuka would prefer to be training under his own mother or another Master Healer, than training as a warrior.

“Pakku’s an ass, but you’re a great waterbender, just don’t be late and he won’t have anything bad to say,” Zuko assures. “And you know Amka doesn’t mind if you keep practicing your healing here.”

“Great good it’s doing,” Nuka grumbles, gesturing toward him.

“You said, yourself I’m more awake today,” Zuko counters.

“Doesn’t mean you don’t still look like death. I thought Amka was talking with Chief Arnook.”

Zuko gives a weak sort of smile, “didn’t go well. Pakku voiced concerns about it; convinced him to deny Amka’s request for the water. He’s trying to force Amka into sending me away, it's an ongoing argument.”

“And I’m supposed to train with that jerk?”

“Jerk or not, he’s still an incredible bender, even Amka admits that, and those two have more issues than me and my sister,” Zuko says without much thought.

“You have a sister?”

“Had, I guess… she’s still in the Fire Nation,” Zuko explains, be it briefly. “We haven’t gotten along in years, even before I left,” he continues with a heavy sigh, “it doesn’t matter, point being, you should train with Pakku. If you want to make changes here you have to earn others’ respect. Since you weren’t born into it, you have to put yourself in a position where others will listen to you.”

“Even if that means training under Pakku.”

“Even if that means training under Pakku,” Zuko agrees, internally grateful that Nuka seems content to move on from the mention of his sister.

“So that letter’s really not from your girlfriend,” Nuka circles back, a smirk on his lips and his eyes on the letter now folded in his lap.

“Pretty sure I’ve told you I don’t have a girlfriend.”

“Yeah, but I so don’t believe you. So what’s her name?” Nuka teases, “is she Earth Kingdom? Or maybe someone you met in the South Pole? Sokka has a sister doesn’t he? Actually you two seem way too close for you to be dating his sister.”

“You need to get in a relationship so you stop asking about mine,” Zuko sighs, leaning back against the pillows propping him up.

“So you are in a relationship!” Nuka says with a smile, “also girls think I’m too…” he just sort of gestures to all of himself, which really doesn’t explain what he means, but maybe Zuko’s just too tired to get it.

“You just gestured to all of you,” he points out.

“Exactly.” The water tribe boy leans back into the chair more, “you just don’t talk about your life much, I mean I just found out you apparently have family in the Fire Nation still, a sister! I just thought: your relationship can’t be that big of a secret.”

Zuko almost chokes at that, because it is just that, a secret. Maybe not from Amka, she knows about Soma, knows about Jet, knows he doesn't have any interest in girls, in the same way she doesn’t have any interest in men. From everyone else though? Yeah. Barely anyone in his life has known, they couldn’t know. His relationship with Jet, if it can be called that, it’s safer, sure, but Zuko can’t help the feeling that it’ll all turn out just as horribly as everything with Soma did. He tries not to think about Soma, it always brings back memories of the ship, memories of his life before. With who he is, it was a stupid, childish risk – the short relationship he had with Soma. It had been the start of his downfall really, and he knows of course that it's not true that he’s doing anything wrong, liking who he does, yet sometimes it feels a bit like those who believe people like him are cursed might know something he doesn’t.

So, he doesn’t know why he says it, why he doesn’t stop himself before the words are out, but he does always seem to get himself in the most trouble by speaking. “My last relationship ended because he was being shipped off to serve under the man who hunted down Amka’s crew.”

Nuka’s quiet for a long few moments, opening his mouth a few times as if he wants to say something but deciding against it. Enough time passing that Zuko finds himself talking again.

“Look, I get if you don’t want to be friends after finding out, I know it isn’t exactly accepted here either.”

“Are you dating Sokka?” Nuka asks before he can continue his rambling.

“What!? No, I'm not dating Sokka. Why would you think that?”

“Because you guys send letters constantly,” he says like it’s an obvious thing, “also most of the time you kind of look like a polar pup ate your catch, but never when you’re reading his letters, that's why I always ask if it's your girlfriend, you actual look happy reading them.”

“I don’t look angry most of the time,” he defends.

“Let’s pretend I agree, I still think you at least like him,” Nuka counters.

Zuko goes to argue with him, though he quiets when he hears footsteps nearing, tensing as if it’ll be his father, despite knowing that he’s two oceans away. He calms because he knows the sound of Amka’s boots on the hard floors of their home.

There’s a knock a few moments later, Amka popping her head in after a moment, “Nuka your anaana wanted you to head home about now, said you have family coming over.”

Said boy lets out an annoyed groan, “ata wants to brag about Master Pakku agreeing to train me, wish me luck.”

“Good luck,” Zuko says, yawning halfway through.

“Get some sleep man, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

____

Howling winds wake Zuko sometime later, he can only tell it is what would be considered night by the lack of light from the street outside his window. He can just barely make out Imasu standing in his room, like they are waiting for him to get up. Wind whistles through his room, and he swears it sounds something like the word, follow, in a voice he’s heard so little, but knows is that of the possum wolf before him.

“I can’t just sneak out while sick,” he tries arguing with the spirit. Wind blows through the room, whipping his hair and throwing off the furs over him. “Fine, fine, but if I get in trouble I’m blaming you,” he threatens with a glare that lacks much, if any, heat.

It takes him a bit to get moving, his body fighting against any expense of energy, he’d been in this bed for a week now, barely getting up for more than a careful walk to the bathroom. Still, he manages to rise, pulling on the coat that hangs over his desk chair, his house clothes will have to do otherwise.

“You're carrying me, I can’t chase after you right now,” Zuko says when they eventually get outside. Imasu lowers themself to the ground in response, making it easier for him to climb on their back.

Imasu takes off not a moment after Zuko sits on his back, and he’s sure he’ll fall off until he realises the air around them is keeping him from doing so, the spirit knowing he isn’t well.

Zuko isn’t entirely surprised when they arrive at the Spirit Oasis, Imasu lowering to the icy road once again to let him slide off. He manages to keep himself up right, walking toward the Oasis door, “well, it won’t be the first time I anger a nations’ leader,” he says mostly to himself but the wind that guides him forward almost seems to laugh at the comment.

____

He hadn’t expected them to be there, not really, it is much too late into the night, but it still feels incredibly odd to find the Spirit Oasis empty, Yue and Aoto nowhere in sight. Imasu’s wind doesn’t reach the Oasis, so it’s much quieter than outside, that is until a voice speaks, well as much as a spirit ever does, the sound feeling more like it’s in his head than his ears.

“Hello little ikiappa,” Tui greets, a similar greeting she’s used since his first few times here. La only seems to hum, though his brevity is not uncommon.

“Hi Tui, La,” he greets as he kneels at the pond, his head feeling heavier by the moment.

“Yue has been fretting over you, I had thought she might just be overreacting, but then she came to me saying your anaana had come to Chief Arnook requesting our help. It has been a week since then, I’ve been growing concerned that she or you had not come.”

Zuko doesn’t respond, but La seems to laugh at whatever expression he is showing, and he’s almost sure Tui is silently scolding him for it.

“Despite what people might try to tell you, Agni is not my enemy, far from it. We’ve known each other all our lives, I care for her just as much as I do for La. We may not be linked in the same way, but without her and I working together, there is no balance. I know her well, well enough to feel when one of hers is here.”

“I’m not much of a firebender,” he says, something he’s said plenty of times to plenty of people, though few seem to pay that comment any mind since he’s left the Fire Nation.

“That’s not what she means,” La interjects, sounding like he wants to call Zuko a fool again, he’s done so plenty since the first time. Part of him thinks the spirit doesn’t like him very much, not that he can do much to change that.

“While all firebenders are Agni’s children, that is not what I’m referring to. You are hers in the way Yue is mine. You are blessed by Agni, I can not be sure why, what her blessing entaled, not with how far apart we are this time of year, but I am certain of it.”

“I was wondering when she’d arrive,” La says with a laugh. Zuko turns to find someone shrouded in a hood, face half covered by a mask, but it isn’t a moment before they pull them both away, revealing Amka, her expression tight, stern like that of a captain.

“You foolish boy, why would you come out here? And by yourself,” Amka scolds as she nears the Oasis and him.

“Imasu wanted me here,” he explains, earning a sigh from the woman.

“Still, you’re too ill to be out here.”

Zuko doesn’t respond to the comment, instead turning back to Tui and La, “they know you went to Chief Arnook, Yue told them.”

“I see,” Amka says with an almost defeated tone.

“Oh don’t sound so distraught, we were hoping you’d be here soon enough. Besides, Agni will have both our heads if we let one of her own suffer,” La says, and this time it’s in his ear rather than his head.

Amka kneels next to him, “you’ll let me use your Oasis to heal my son?”

Zuko finds himself gravitating toward her, his head resting on Amka’s shoulder, his head feels like lead, too heavy to keep up. He knows he won’t be awake much longer, his vision growing spottier by the moment. Zuko hates it, the weakness of his body, the dullness of his fire inside of him, and the lack of control he has over any of this. It is more terrifying than he’d like to admit, more than once he’s thought he wouldn’t wake up again, that the world would vanish for the last time and he’d never be able to see his mom again.

He knows it’s silly, logically he knows they are right where they need to be to heal him, but still, he couldn’t shake the feeling that he’ll fall asleep for the last time. “Mom,” he says with a wet voice, his breath catching in his throat, “mom I’m really scared,” he admits.

“You’ll be okay, my boy,” she says like a promise or maybe a wish, he’s not entirely sure. His vision is near black, but he feels as she rests him down on the grass, and the cool feeling of water, like swimming in the ocean on a hot summer's day at Ember Island coming over him, “you’ll be okay.”

“She wanted this one?” La asks with a sound of shock, rather than his usual dryness, and Zuko’s not sure if they’re still talking about Agni, but Tui shushes him, and Zuko’s world goes silent before he can hear anymore.

Chapter Text

“It would be at their discretion Amka, just as it was for Yue. I do not know if they would agree,” Arnook says with a heavy breath. He’d agreed to meet with her more as a friend than in any official capacity, they disagree on much but that man is no stranger toward fearing for his child. “I know he is your son, but I do not know if they will see beyond his element,” he worries, “I do not wish to offend them.”

“Ata,” Yue calls, as she walks into the room, trailed by Aoto as she often is. “Amka? Is Zuli doing any better?”

“You know Amka’s son?” Arnook questions, brow raised, though seemingly more toward Aoto than anyone else.

“He’s a friend ata, we met a few months ago,” Amka’s sure she’s purposely not mentioning the Spirit Oasis, knowing he’d been there without proper permission probably wouldn’t go over well. “He’s been sick since the long night began,” she explains.

“Yes, that’s what Amka’s been telling me,” the man says with a hum to his voice.

“You’ve met him then Aoto?”

“Plenty, he often sits with the waterbending club after school, is friends with one of my best students. I was there when he collapsed.”

She gives a subtle nod of thanks toward the man, knowing he’s trying to help convince Arnook to help.

“Amka? What are you doing here?”

She turns to Pakku, and she wishes she could say she’s happy to see him, but she knows his appearance doesn’t bode well for getting access to the Spirit Oasis water she needs. Their relationship has always been strained, how could it not be? She never managed to be what was expected of her, while Pakku was everything that was expected and more. He’d been the pride of their family even before she’d come into this world, she’d only caused trouble, and eventually she thought it best to leave rather than face their disappointment. She wants to say it was silly now, being that she’s well grown, she’s accomplished plenty, and the opinions of her family shouldn’t weigh so heavily on her. It isn’t that their opinions weigh on her though, it’s the weight Pakku’s opinions have for those like Chief Arnook, the leaders of their tribe. His opinion could sentence Zuko to great suffering, worse even, if things continue to trend downward for her son.

“Your sister was requesting use of the Spirit Oasis waters for her ill son,” Arnook explains, waving Pakku into their conversation with a smile shared between long time friends.

“Not taking well to the long night I assume,” Pakku comments with a raised brow.

It’s not a difficult guess, but Amka straightens at his tone, she’s been accustomed to his subtle jabs, usually in his tone, judging as though she’s still an unruly child. “He collapsed, I worry his health will worsen if I don’t do something soon, I’ve already had Akumik look him over for a second opinion, she agrees with me that this is the only way to help him.”

“Would he not get better by going south?” Pakku questions, his tone purposely dispassionate.

Amka watches as Yue steps up to say something, but Aoto is quick to intervene, he whispers something she can’t hear, and while the princess looks displeased she nods, turning from the group without another word. I spoke out of turn, she remembers Zuko saying in his explanation of his banishment. Arnook is far from the likes of Ozai, he’d hardly raise his voice to Yue let alone a hand, still, there are expectations, and in a conversation like this, Yue’s opinion would likely not be well received, certainly not with her brother here. Aoto isn’t a fool, and while he respects Pakku, Amka is close enough with him to know his opinions often do not align with him.

“Perhaps, I don’t know that for sure,” Amka responds carefully, “his state is fragile, I’m not sure a boat would be the best place for him right now.” She remembers too well the boy she’d met at the docks, had welcomed onto her ship, heavily bandaged and far from healed. She can’t imagine the state he was in when he was forced to leave the Fire Nation, she wouldn’t have those memories brought up again if she can help it.

“So it’s our responsibility to help him then? We’re meant to ask Tui and La and help heal a boy who’s kin seek to destroy us?” Pakku challenges.

“He’s no soldier, Pakku,” she reasons, but he doesn’t allow her to say more.

“Would it matter to them? If one of our children ended up there?” He gives Arnook a pointed look, “if Yue ended up there, you think they would help her? You believe they would ask Agni to help her?”

“What does that matter? Are we to start following the Fire Nation’s morals now?” Amka bites, “He’s a boy, my boy, no matter where he’s from originally.”

“I’m not saying we execute him, Amka, we’re not monsters, I’m saying we send him where he’ll heal without our intervention.” He says it like it’s logical, like sending her son away is a simple thing. He says it like he expects her to lay him on a canoe and hope for the best, like forcing Zuko to leave wouldn’t mean her own self exile. He doesn’t know that her nights are haunted by the thought of him meeting the same end as the rest of her family, or maybe he just doesn't care.

“Maybe it is for the best Amka,” Arnook starts – she saw it coming and yet she feels betrayed hearing him say it. “He’s not met for the long night, and to ask help of Tui and La, if we were to offend them,” he speaks slowly, like the words are heavy, hard to push past his lips, a burden to say. He knows what it isn’t to lose a child, to put all your hope in the spirits to help, and yet, “he is an ikippaa, Tui and La are not his, he is not a child of theirs. He has Agni, but not here, so send him where she can reach him.”

Amka sighs, “that’s your final decision?” she asks, and she sounds as harsh as she means too.

“It is,” Arnook says with an almost solemn tone.

She turns away without another word, because there’s nothing more to say.

____

Current Day

He doesn’t recognise the spirit, not from the books or scrolls he’s read, not from stories he’s heard, but still she feels familiar. She doesn’t feel like Agni, Tui or La, but she does feel similar to Imasu.

“It is rare that I get to speak to one who does not become my presence in the moral world,” the spirit says with a curious hum. “The universe thinks you may be necessary to take on their role, but my spirit still lives on in another, I will not give up on him so easily. Besides, there is an order to things.”

Like many spirits, she does not introduce herself, but he still learns who she is, the name Raava is provided. He doesn’t remember Raava, but it’s clear she knows him.

“Give up on who?”

“That Avatar of course, he’s not passed yet.”

He wakes rapidly, gasping for a breath as he shoots up. He looks for the spirit, Raava, but she’s no longer there. It takes him a moment to realise he’s in his room, or that Nuka’s talking. He’s not sure what he’s saying, nor what’s being yelled somewhere in the townhouse, though he’s pretty sure it’s Pakku’s voice.

Finally Nuka’s voice makes sense, rather than what felt like someone speaking too far away a moment before. “Master Pakku got here a few minutes ago, pretty much stormed in yelling, Amka said you should stay here if you woke.”

“Probably because she knows I’d do something to get me in trouble,” Zuko says as he positions himself to not be sat up so awkwardly, earning a huff from the spirit who’d been sleeping on his legs, though Imasu settles again a moment later, now watching Zuko was careful eyes, like they’re checking if he’s really alright. He is, Zuko’s pretty sure, even with his inner fire still a bit dim, he can feel it, it’s steady. He’s reminded again of Raava when he looks at Imasu, feels them.

“Well that’s nothing new.” Nuka laughs, “Seriously though, how are you feeling? I was just getting here when Amka came back with you. She was riding Imasu, which for the record you have never told me was something we could do.”

“Much better, I don’t feel like I’m second away from falling asleep and never waking up,” he says, cupping his hands as he makes a small flame, it doesn’t feel out of control or a struggle to keep it going. Letting out a relieved sigh he allows the fire to dissipate. “If I don’t get myself exiled from Agni Qel’a for using Spirit Oasis water without Chief Arnook’s permission I’ll take you for a ride.”

“I’m holding you to that,” Nuka says with a smirk.

____

Zuko wakes gasping for air, his body shivering as if still drenched in icy water. The white fur next to him isn’t that of a giant bison, but Imasu, who seems glued to his side once again. Fragmented dreams like this have become more and more common since his encounter with Raava. The icy depth of the ocean is one, but other times he’s been atop a dragon, losing a fight to a volcano, or in a village he does not recognise but he knows the clothes he wears from that of the Kyoshi warriors.

His mind is plagued with what he can only assume are memories of the Avatars. He knows it must have something to do with Raava, but that doesn’t seem to be the entirety of it, because some of these dreams have come long before today. The reappearance of them brings about memories he’d long since tucked away. He’d been so young at the time, it was before he’d even started bending, so much of that time is clouded by his father’s anger and disappointment – like much of his childhood, but it had been the first time, he hadn’t realised that he’d never be what Ozai wanted him to be. Dreams of people he didn’t know, of times he had no reason to think about, and of places he’d never been, they mattered less to him than the world he had to exist in, learn how to navigate. They faded as he grew, he hadn’t thought about them in years, and he’d never realised until now who he was dreaming of.

Zuko pulls himself out of bed when he hears movement somewhere in the townhouse. He finds Amka making tea, he’s not sure what hour it is, but she looks dressed to leave the house so it must be the morning. She’d started returning to her teaching since he recovered, he’s foregone returning himself though. Amka hasn’t forced it, he’s not sure she will, most his age move on to their specific disciplines after this year finishes or sooner, like Nuka and his lessons with Pakku. There isn’t much of a point for him to return now.

“Tea?” she asks, and starts making a cup like she knows he’ll say yes, he always does.

He nods with a hum before sitting at the table, “I need to talk to you about something.”

Amka doesn’t say anything right away, but she soons sits across from him, tea placed between them. “I thought you might,” she says with an all too knowing look, “you’ve been quieter than usual, I was starting to worry you might try to get a ship without my help.”

“I’m sorry,” he mumbles, his gaze forced on the liquid in his cup rather than on Amka, “I know you fought for me to be able to stay–”

“Zuko, I’m not looking for an apology,” she stops him, “I knew when we came here that you wouldn’t stay forever. I fought because I want you to have somewhere you can come back to, I want you to have a home, and I never thought of that as Agna Qel’a. I fought so if you needed help you knew you could always come to me.” Amka explains.

He can’t manage a good response, looking up to Amka, his cheek damp with tears. He wipes his eyes, even if only one can produce tears. He does need help, or at the very least he needs someone to listen.

“I’ve been having these dreams, first as a kid, but they’d started again since that night at the Spirit Oasis…” he starts, holding his cup with both hands, watching as the steam rises from it into the cold air. Amka doesn’t rush him, drinking her tea as she waits for him to continue. “This spirit, Raava, she felt, like Imasu sort of, but more? I’m not sure, I dreamt of her that night…” He shakes his head, moving out, “and then it was like… memories, but not my own. I remember having them as a kid, I was young, really young, it was before I started bending. I haven’t thought about them for years. I didn’t know who they were about then… Raava believes the Avatar is still alive, and since I spoke with her, I’ve been seeing their memories again.”

Amka is quiet for a long while, she looks over him carefully, her lips pressed together that way she always does when she’s thinking. “Min mentioned Raava before, old stories passed down in Rangi, she’s the spirit that lives on in each Avatar I believe, but she’s not mentioned commonly in stories, I’m not entirely sure why she’d been a bit lost to time. What did she say when you dreamt of her?”

Zuko tenses slightly at the mention of Min, but he manages to continue the conversation. “It didn’t make sense…” He recounts the dream to Amka, quoting Raava word for word, as what she said had been stuck in his mind for weeks. “It sounds crazy, and even if it means what I think it means, she’s right, there is an order to things. That’s what the Avatar cycle is, the Avatar after Roku was an airbender. I’ve seen memories of him, he drowned in the ocean, somewhere around the Southern Air Temple. He was young I think, because it had to have been before the war; I’ve seen him at the temple, the airbenders living there. I haven’t dreamt of one after him, but the next would be a waterbender, from here or the south, maybe the swamps.”

“We would know if the Avatar was here, they wouldn’t keep that a secret. And they’d been nearly a hundred now, so if they were from the southern tribes I doubt they’d have kept their identity a secret, not with how brutal the Fire Nation’s attacks have been on them for decades. Maybe they’d been less involved being from the swamps, but I’ve known the leaders of those tribes, traded with them for years. They may be well hidden, but they are not ones for secrets if you’re considered a friend, and with how connected the swamps are with the spirit world…” Amka sighs, “if the Avatar was born to them they wouldn’t sit out the war, not with how bad everything’s gotten.” She pressed her lips together, brows knitting together, “it’s possible you just haven’t dreamt of them yet.”

“Maybe…”

“There are waterbenders scattered about elsewhere, but I think it may be more likely you’re looking for someone from the Earth Kingdom, if the Avatar is truly alive.”

“Raava seemed certain of it.”

“So you’re going to go search for the Avatar then?”

“Over a year after my banishment and now I decide to go looking for the Avatar,” Zuko comments, and it comes out a bit more bitter than he’d meant it to.

“You don’t have to do this if you don’t want to,” Amka points out, her tone more careful now, he can always hear her worry when he mentions anything of his life before. “If you do this it’s because you want to, not because you feel you have some duty to do so.”

“I want to help the world, whether that means blowing up Fire Nation bases, helping spirits, or finding the Avatar – maybe all three – I’ll do it,” Zuko decides.

“Then I suppose that means we should get you a ship.”

____

Imasu races through the streets of Agna Qel’a, narrowly avoiding people, or phasing through them when they can’t manage it.

“Tuavigialaugit!” Nuka shouts from behind him, spurring Imasu to go faster.

“It’s not my fault you woke up late!” Zuko yells back, guiding Imasu toward the training courtyard. “We’re almost there anyway, and if Pakku decides to be a jerk, remind him I’m leaving tomorrow, I’m sure it’ll make him happy,” he comments with a slightly bitter laugh.

“Maybe I shouldn’t have asked you for a ride. You’re not gonna get in a fight with him, right?”

“I’m not gonna see him, I told mom that I’d be quick.” He brings Imasu to a stop outside the training courtyard. “Good luck Nuka, not that you really need it.”

“Yeah yeah, so you keep saying. I appreciate the confidence, I’ll tell you all about how horrible this goes tonight.”

“You sure you’ll be able to come?”

“Ata can be as angry as he likes about it, I’m not going to miss saying goodbye.”

“Thanks Nuka,” Zuko says with a half sort of smile, “I’ll see you tonight.”

____

Zuko stands aboard the ship, his ship. It’s small, of course it is, seeing as he’ll need to man it himself. It’s clearly Northern Watertribe in construction, with its double hulls, though it misses the common blue detailing or sails. The fabric of them is instead a deep brown, not the colors of any nation, more common for traders and merchants. The ship type is unique, but there are plenty of unique ships, and it’s small enough that he’ll go unnoticed at most ports. Amka and him had discussed it at length over the last several weeks, but to see it properly… it feels more solemn than it is exciting. The ship feels a bit like an echo of the one that they had lost so much on, and he can only hope this ship and whoever may join him on it don’t meet the fate of those of the Tiriganiarjuk.

“It turned out well, it’ll be overlooked, not flying a nation’s colors, the size. You’ll get good speed with it, even without waterbending,” Amka notes, standing beside him on the deck, her hand lightly squeezing his shoulder. “You’ll be able to sail on your own, I’m sure Imasu’s airbending will be of help, but you’ve got the room for a small crew,” she catches his gaze, offering a slight smile, “some friends would do you good.”

Amka’s made a point to remind him of this plenty of times, and he knows she’s right, he shouldn’t close himself off, and he won’t, or he’ll do his best not to. Even if he wouldn’t do it for himself, he’ll do it because he promised her. He gives her the same sort of slight smile, “you’re sure you wouldn’t prefer to be captain?”

She shakes her head, “My days of sailing are over, I served the world the best I could, helped some – I hope, but I have so much I could do here. I’m not done fighting, not by a long shot, but my place isn’t chasing spirits anymore.” She faces him more now, tucking a bit of his loose hair back, “you are meant for great things my boy, I’m sure of it, more sure than even the spirits who seem to call to you. You’ll make a fine captain.”

Zuko settles his head against Amka’s shoulder, feeling tears well as she pulls him into a hug, “thank you, for everything. I love you, mom.”

“I love you too, Zuko,” she says, her voice cracking with tears, “thank you for being my son.”

____

“There you are,” Yue calls from the dock, Aoto at her side – as he often is. A more rare occurrence is that Nuka stands next to her. He knows Amka has the same realization he does, the two of them sharing a weighted gaze. Nuka and Yue rarely cross paths, while Zuko is friends with both of them, they see each other separately, never meeting in a group. The fact that their friendships were a very separate thing worked in his favor since his recovery, as Yue had overheard a bit too much between Chief Arnook and Pakku. She knew who Zuko was, really was. It had been quite the conversation, but it had been overshadowed by his recovery. Tui and La’s acceptance of him with his lineage had also likely helped her opinion on him going unchanged.

Zuko hadn’t meant for Nuka to be the only person he’s become so close to in Agna Qel’a to not know, but it had happened like that, and he hadn’t planned to tell him, not when he was about to leave, there was no need. He of course hadn’t told Yue this, he hadn’t thought it would be necessary.

“Mom’s being a worrier, triple checking everything,” he calls back, waving them onto the boat.

“She won’t be the only one, you have a penchant for trouble,” Aoto comments good naturedly, the older man giving him a nod before him and Amka start going over every part of the boat.

“I still can’t believe you’re leaving,” Nuka says with a bit of awe, eyes scanning the boat.

“It feels weird, after all this time,” he agrees.

“Where will you go first?” Yue asks.

The three of them sit on the deck, gathered together as if they’d always been like this. Zuko thinks they make good friends, they both want the best for their home, even if others might think they’re too radical in their beliefs, in their wants for change. They’d be quite the team, he’s sure of it.

“There are friends of mine I need to make sure are okay, last I saw them they were traveling on a merchant ship, but they were going to return home to Gaipan. The area’s been struggling against the Fire Nation, the Earth Kingdom can’t or won’t send troops to help, so they've been doing what they can, but I haven’t heard from Jet in a while…” It had been nearly two months now since his last letter, and Zuko was fearing for the worst.

“If you get involved though, you’ll have to fight your own people,” Yue comments. It’s something they’ve never really agreed about, and Zuko hasn’t been able to explain it well. He doesn’t want to fight them, not really, she’s right, they are his people, but as it stands, there isn’t a choice in it. He might not want to fight them, but doing what’s right isn’t always what’s easy, he knows that all too well. While peace is preferable, the Fire Nation doesn’t teach that as an option, and that he knows even better, he’s been shown that personally.

“Are they though? He left the Fire Nation, he has family here, a home here,” Nuka comments, not so much arguing as pointing out how he sees things.

“He’s still their prince,” she says before Zuko has any chance to stop her. Nuka’s eyes go wide, mouth opening as if to say something but nothing comes out. “He didn’t know…” Yue realises.

“Nuka… I–”

“If– you’re next in line? To be the Fire Lord?” Nuka asks, putting quite a bit of emphasis on that last bit.

“While my title hasn’t been revoked… Ozai will probably have it go to Azula– my sister.”

“Why did you– why leave? You could have changed things, couldn’t you? I mean, you're the crown prince.” He looks almost hurt? Angery? Betrayed? Zuko’s not entirely sure, but he’s okay with anything that isn’t Nuka being scared of him.

“I was banished, I was sitting in on a war council; I spoke against a general's plan. It was… it doesn’t matter now, the point is, I offended the Fire Lord, and so I had to pay the price.” He gestures to his face, “an Agni Kai was my punishment, I refused to fight, he saw it as dishonorable, and so I was thrown out.”

Nuka doesn’t question it, doesn’t seem surprised, he looks more like everything is clicking into place. “You could have told me. I wouldn’t– won’t tell anyone.”

“I know. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, I kept putting it off… and telling you today, it seemed like too much.”

____

His night is restless, but he’s still up early, before much of Agna Qel’a. He and Amka make their way to the dock, they’d brought most of his things the day before, so there isn’t much more than his swords and a bag to bring aboard.

“Oh you’ve got to be kidding me,” Amka bites under her breath, and Zuko knows exactly what, who, she’s talking about. Pakku stands just near his boat, looking as annoyed with the world around him as always. “What are you doing here Pakku?” she calls, icy eyes narrowed at her brother.

“I’m not here to argue, Amka,” he says in an almost scolding tone.

“You don’t sound like it,” Zuko comments, no longer caring what the man thinks of him.

He watches how Pakku hardens at his words; he and Amka certainly share their ability to give quite a terrifying glare. “Always speaking when you shouldn’t,” he says with more bite. He lets out a heavy sigh, pulling something from his coat, “you’re impertinent, but you’ve got people looking out for you. If you find yourself in trouble, as you most certainly will–” the man holds out a Pai Sho tile, taking it he finds it’s a white lotus tile– “look for that symbol.”

“I’m not very good at Pai Sho.” Though he still tucks the tile away in his coat.

“That is unsurprising, but I’m sure Iroh tried his best.” Pakku holds out his arm, and Zuko’s pretty sure this is the closest the man is willing to get to any sort of apology. He accepts it of course, if not for himself than for Amka, she’ll have to put up with his insufferable ass. “Try not to get yourself killed… your mother would be inconsolable,” Pakku says as he lets go. “I’ll let you say your goodbyes.”

He’s gone without any more fuss, though the two do watch him walk away. Zuko is sure Amka’s just as shocked as he is about what Pakku said, but neither of them choose to comment on it. Instead they step onto the boat, Amka insisting on checking that everythings in order just one more time. They can only stall so long though.

Amka tucks the braid she’d weaved into his hair behind his ear, lightly cupping his cheek with her hand, “you write me the moment you get the chance,” she instructs.

“Of course mom, every chance I get,” he promises.

With a sure nod she slowly pulls back, her gaze turning to Imasu, “you’ll protect him, won’t you?”

Imasu nods and it doesn’t seem that it’s only the air that answers this time, as the nearby waves seem to grow with wind.