Chapter Text
Issei was… many things right now.
Scared.
Confused.
…A bit horny.
But as he had his first, ahem, extended kiss, he wasn't sure what to do.
Normally, that would be a question of where to put his hands, if his pants were too tight, if his breath smelled bad, heck, if his hair was mussed just the right way.
Normal questions indeed!
But right now the girl was glaring at him and not in the "you idiot I said no tongue" way.
'Man, her eyes are pretty.'
And now she was stepping closer.
Her arms wrapped around him.
She pulled Issei tight.
'Is this my popular phase!?'
Even more scared and confused, and maybe something else, he wasn't sure what to do or say when she broke the kiss.
"I, um, tha-"
The Campione's grip became crushing, her face twisted in fury and became something utterly horrific, and then, before Issei could even try to apologize, the young man found himself being lifted up and over the girl.
All as his head was driven into the ground with enough force to send out a blast of wind!
With a sudden boom-crash, the impact rocked the clearing, leaving a massive teenager-shaped imprint on the soil as the force blew the leftover stone away. As if a bomb had gone off, erupting into a cloud of dust and sand that people probably would be able to see from town.
After several seconds of darkness and discombobulation, the most polite way to explain what he was experiencing right now, a single thought crossed his (battered and bruised) mind.
'Owwwww…. My head.'
Of all things, Issei hadn't been expecting a Suplex.
Dragging himself out of the small crater proved impossible. His head was buried into hard packed earth up to his shoulders and he couldn't see to aim any of his constructs. So, wriggling around, having to bend at the waist, getting no traction, he was relieved, but only for a second, when someone grabbed him by his ankle.
Because he was yanked out of the ground hard enough to ruin his shirt and jacket and then thrown into a tree.
Knowing the fight was still on, and despairing at the thought just a little, the Campione stumbled to his feet.
'My body hurts.' It was a strange thought, but it was true. 'It hurts more now than it had ever since Dusa-Chan.' Not even his fight with the sisters earlier that week felt like it compared. With them they had gotten a few hits in, and he'd had to deal with being poisoned or stabbed. 'My bones hurt on the inside. This is… not great.'
As it turns out, not all angry women hurt you the same way. This was a different sort of beating than he'd ever received from any of the women he'd peeped on or gotten into a death match with.
"This Luo Hao fails to understand what purpose your scheme served."
Bursting forwards across the clearing, she palmed him in the chest and knocked Issei to the ground. He simply stared up at his attacker as the teenager tried to work through a mixture of pain and a ringing in his ears.
Standing over him, the Chinese girl looked halfway between annoyed and perplexed. He did go through an entire plan just to miss his target and nail her with a kiss instead with the planned headbutt, and while she'd appeared enraged at first, now she looked at him with open confusion.
Not that Issei was about to explain.
A magician never gave away their tricks.
Which meant it was time to bullshit - and hope that ringing would go away, too.
"If I said I was distracted by how cute you are, would you believe me?" Not that he'd be lying in saying so, the older girl was a beauty unlike any other Issei had ever seen, as if she'd walked right out of a painting.
The compliment, however, only earned him a raised brow.
"That is a matter of course, this Luo Hao epitomizes the beauty of a flower blossoming atop the highest peaks, untarnished as a lake which mirrors the moon. To reach for the reflection of heaven and sink into the depths is only a matter of course."
Uh… he got exactly half of that.
So does that mean she wasn't mad?
"However… to touch the moon itself is forbidden."
Knowing exactly what that meant, the teenager scrambled to his feet and tried to, well, he tried to hit a girl. And that was not something he was glad he was getting good at.
However, Luo Hao simply lashed out, her hand smacking away Issei's sloppy punch. Stepping into his blow, she gripped his wrist with her blocking hand and yanked him forwards. The teenager stumbled and was completely unable to avoid the punch to the jaw the Chinese girl threw. And, no longer paying attention to much but the aching in his face, again, he completely missed how she grabbed the tattered remnants of his collar with an iron grip, super strength yanking him off the ground as she hooked her leg behind his, all as her hip twisted and his feet arched in the air with a violent hip toss.
'I always wanted to fly.'
Perhaps the thought should have been hysterical, but the truth was that Issei was tired. He didn't want to fight, he didn't want to hurt people, he didn't want to be hurt. And right now, it seemed like his plan wasn't working.
When he hit the ground the air was knocked out him, again, the teenager… wanted to give up.
But….
"What is this?" The moon-flower-lake lady, stumbled and fell to one knee before she could bring an axe kick down on his head. "What did you do?"
Angry, but not confused or upset, with a heat that said she was more annoyed at being interrupted than anything else. The poor boy was just glad he hadn't taken a super strength heel to the face.
'It worked.'
His plan worked!
Instinctively, he knew which signs to look for.
Shortness of breath, darkened veins, bleeding, discoloration around the extremities. And most importantly, paralysis and phantom pains. On a human, the paralysis would have immediately set in and killed them in a few seconds, against someone as resistant as him?
It only stopped her for a moment.
And a moment was all he needed.
Struggling to not descend into a fit of mad laughter, Issei called forth his power, a pillar of stone rising from the ground to slam into the older girl's stomach. And unlike before, the impact was more than enough to send her flying backwards! Eager for some payback, he almost cheered when his enemy was shocked to feel her back slamming against a thick wall block of marble that appeared out of nowhere.
Issei didn't let up.
He didn't know just how strong [Doctor Venom] was after such a small dose.
In concept, the Authority worked by turning every fiber of his being into a magic healing potion, or a super poisonous one. Everything from his skin, to his hair, from his blood, to his saliva became as dangerous as the venom that Euryale used against him during their fight.
But there was a caveat.
As powerful as the venom was, it was only at max power when Issei's blood was ingested. Maybe there was a little bit of it mixed in with his saliva when he kissed the older Campione, but at such a small dose, he couldn't be sure how effective it was, or if it would even stop her for long.
'So before she recovers… I need to hit her as hard as I can!'
Launching himself after her, Issei took a deep breath, two walls boxing in the chinese girl as he released another thunderous screech. The force of the wail was more than enough to push her against the now rapidly softening stone, white clay-like marble engulfing the older Campione from all sides, only to rapidly solidify!
There, that should hold her.
"Now… for the finale…"
Issei gasped.
His throat felt raw, his bones ached deeply and his vision was blurring. Using his three powers, one after the other, over and over again was pushing his limits. And getting tossed around and beaten up didn't help.
Up above, a large object manifested in the air. The menacing open maw of a serpent, very similar to the eldest gorgon sister. Rapidly descending, a shadow grew as it fell from the sky like a hammer. Issei did the smart thing and started running.
He'd made that thing as big and heavy as he could with the last of his power.
'Everyone is gonna think it's an earthquake.'
But he'd made it.
He'd won.
The impact was violent, as he expected it to be, with the ground shaking violently. A sudden blast of dust and wind and the impossibly brutal collapse of his conjured structure sent debris raining around him for kilometers - Issei seeing glimpses of the shrapnel flying out as he was thrown from his feet. After that there were huge secondary chunks that broke from the statue, each weighing dozens of tons in their own right, slamming down.
Had he been given to poetry, he might have offered some insightful comment, or at least a comparison to a terrible military action.
Instead, covered in dust and mud from head to toe, eyes burning and itching, sneezing, coughing, choking on the dust from his own attack, he could only stare in horror at the destruction he'd unleashed.
"Oh no." His heart hurt. "I've killed her."
For a brief moment, overwhelming guilt gripped his heart.
Between the Venom, getting hit with the Wail twice, and then both buried with and then crushed by stone… there was no way that she wasn't dead.
It was only a moment later that another emotion made itself known.
Terror.
Because the giant snake skull he'd dropped on his fellow Campione… started moving, rising from the ground as cracks spread from the ground and the angry whistling of wind pierced his ears with a shrill screech, leaking through the cracks on the stone as the smaller, lighter pieces of rock started being flung away.
And the pile of rock exploded, an upward current of wind burst overhead… and blasted a hole through the clouds.
His stomach dropped.
"How?"
Floating over the hole that had been blown into the ground, and it was indeed a perfectly circular hole leading half a mile underground. The Chinese campione looked… roughed up. Her clothes were covered in dust and torn in places, there was a particularly large bruise on her stomach area, where she'd gotten hit. And her lips were stained red with blood.
And well… the upper part of her clothes were ruined, revealing a set of bandages tied around her chest.
The scariest part wasn't the show of power.
No, it was her face.
Far from anger, annoyance, or boredom. There was a hungry, excited look in her eyes. Something deep within him shivered at the right, the air vibrating with anticipation as the older campione raised her hands.
And clapped.
"Marvelously done, King of Wakoku."
Her words carried perfectly and it was all he could do to whisper in response.
"I… at least you aren't dead."
But she wasn't looking good.
The Venom was spreading now, the darkening of her veins grew deeper and one of her arms had fallen limply to the side, deathly pale. No, looking closely he could see that her legs too were hanging limp and that her body was being supported by the powerful winds.
If nothing was done. The venom would reach her heart soon.
"The Heavens have seen fit to ensure that mortality is of little issue." One weak hand reached into a fold in her outer robe. "And the Fruit of Perfection will restore me to health in a moment."
Confused at what was happening, Issei failed to react appropriately. If he had understood what was about to happen, he might have tried just about anything to stop Luo Hao from… well….
"Dear Buddha, that was a senzu bean!"
As soon as she'd eaten the small, green legume the black veins immediately began to disappear, discoloration vanishing as movement returned to her limbs and all he wanted to fall to his knees.
Because this was all just too much.
Instead, Issei reached for that last scrap of power he had deep down. Hoping against hope that the electric feeling going up his spine was a good sign and not very, very bad news.
"No, little brother, I am farther from Death than the Stars are from this humble world." She continued, as if she hadn't even heard his response. "Though you must forgive this senior's lack of foresight. Had she known this medicine would be used I would have gifted you one in the interest of fairness. Ah, what a blunder it can hardly be called a proper test now."
Fair?! What about this entire mess was fair?!
She just got a max revive while his health bar was red and beeping!
"Therefore, this Luo Hao shall offer you an alternative test. Survive this and I will see it as proof of your worth."
Issei wanted to go home.
He wanted to go to sleep and forget this day ever happened.
Instead, all he could do was brace as an aura of power erupted around the older Campione and she too a stance once again. As if preparing to throw a punch.
"One strike crushes wood so that two may crumble stone and three shatter steel. Yet this fist is one that has delivered countless blows. Therefore, no obstacle in this world is great enough to stop it!"
"Fei Feng Zhui Luo!"
Issei didn't see it at first.
She hadn't moved a muscle, yet the aura of power around the Chinese girl had increased, flaring to life like a bonfire as she called forth her own power. It was only when he looked down that he realized what it was.
A shadow.
A rapidly expanding shadow, just like his own attack. Only instead of a chunk of rock, it was a massive palm the size of a house, rapidly descending like a meteor, Issei swallowed dryly.
"My legs… won't move. This is just… overkill."
"Tap, tap, tap, tap, tap."
"Rias."
"Tap, tap, tap, tap, tap."
"Rias!"
"Sona! See, I can do it, too."
The Devil resented the fact she snapped. Resented the loss of control it represented and the fact that this bout of misfortune had led her to taking out her anger on her friend.
"I… I apologize."
Sona's face turned down in worry.
"I'm afraid too."
Immediately biting her lip, the redhead refused to give voice to her denial. It was an ugly thing, it was a bitter thing, a desire to insist she was in control, calm, and focused. But that would be a lie. A lie to herself, to her friend, to her peerage, and, worst of all, a lie that wasn't even the most slightly bit believable.
"And are the humans okay?"
Tsubaki entered the ORC's clubroom, followed by Akeno.
"Yes, Buchou, all of the humans have been put to sleep and are in their beds. They should wake up tomorrow with no memory of today." Bowing, Sona's queen turned to her mistress. "I have confirmed the destruction of all sensory spells monitoring the battle of the Campione. We have no further information about them."
There was muttering, uncertainty, Saji stood up.
"Don't worry Kaichou, we'll take care of anything that shows up! Vrita won't let you down!"
The sandy haired boy did his best to stand firm.
His smile was too thin to break the severity of the situation.
"Akeno, our defenses?" The Sitri heiress spoke softly, giving her pawn a wan smile in turn, but closed her eyes as she waited for the response.
"Intact… for the moment."
Went unsaid was the simple fact that the titanic battle happening about fifty kilometers outside of the city's limits involved enough magical power being thrown around that Issei, the Campione they got along with, could probably crush them all with a single attack.
"Rias, we must withdraw."
"I… Sona… do we have no other choice?"
"Buchou." Koneko, soft, eyes turned down in the smallest frown, put her hand on Rias's arm. "We'll fight if we have to."
'But you would all die.'
Nodding, Rias Gremory realized their only option was to run away and hope that nothing destroyed Kuoh while they were gone.
"Very well, Sona, activate the-"
There was a sudden crash and the Devil screamed short and sharp, her voice cracking as the pain of her magical defenses being rent apart all at once tore at her very essence. Blood dribbled out of her eyes and ears and the others were at her side in less than a second… but it changed nothing when, three heartbeats of white-static-pain later, there was a single, polite knock at the clubroom door.
Every Devil, reincarnated or not, froze in panic.
Lightning popped and crackled around Akeno.
Koneko's ears and tail manifested.
Kiba instinctively called up some warped, ugly sword that felt like it was hate and misery given form.
Every single one of Sona's peerage stumbled, only Tsubaki and Saji managing to keep their feet.
As for Sona herself, she grabbed ahold of the activation token for the recall bracelets and poured more magic into it than Rias had ever felt from her friend before.
Tasting copper, Rias giggled when she heard the first thing their visitor said.
"It is most rude to pretend that one is not at home when a guest has arrived."
No one moved and so the redhead, sweating, nauseous, head spinning, turned to the side and was sick, Akeno rushing to her side and holding her hair back.
"Let her… let her in." Spitting, ignoring the foulness and blood on her carpet, Rias giggled again at the incredulous look her suddenly sweat drenched, gasping friend gave her. "She'll just kick the door down."
Sona grabbed at her chest, Tsubaki having to physically carry her mistress away, before Kiba, by unspoken agreement with Koneko, went to the door - the Rook at his back, as pale as her hair was white, both of them visibly forcing themselves to ignore to terror they were feeling as they turned the knob of the door.
"Hyoudou!" Surprisingly, it was Saji, out of all of them, that reacted first. "What did you do to him!?"
The enemy Campione merely frowned at that, Rias's eyes widening when Kiba blasted forwards in a burst of speed. Her Knight caught a blade of wind with his own sword… and being thrown into Sona's pawn, weapon snapped in half, bleeding from a dozen cuts and slashes across his arms.
"No!" Rias forced herself to stand. "Don't attack her!"
Koneko and Akeno looked conflicted, Sona's peerage had managed to half stand, the Devils, at the very least, were trying to present a unified front.
It was pitiful.
With the bracelets failing, and there was no telling how or why, Sona apparently having severely injured herself trying to power them, and no other choice, only a single option existed which would keep her friends and loved ones alive.
"Most venerable Lady of the Mainland."
Her hair was a mess.
"This one greets you humbly."
There was sick on the collar of her shirt.
"Please accept our welcome and apologies for the disrespect of our junior."
She still tasted blood.
Rias Gremory bowed, face serene as she could manage, and humbled herself before the godslayer.
"We only request that any further punishment should fall upon us, as they are our property, and it is our failing for not disciplining them properly."
If the cost of her friends' lives was her pride, then, on that Pride, as a Devil, Rias would gladly throw it all away and grovel as much as needed.
"It is good to see that my junior has attendants willing to defend him, and one another, but you are most foolish to challenge this Luo Hao. Speak softly or rip out your tongue in apology."
Kiba, injured as he was, glared Saji into silence, not risking another outburst.
Rias merely held her bow, unmoving, unflinching.
The sound of shuffling came and the Chinese woman, eventually, sat down, almost gently placing Issei at her feet. Rias took this as permission to rise and did so… carefully.
The younger Campione had seen better days, battered and beaten, the boy looked like his entire body would be turning into a massive bruise soon enough. His clothes were dirty and torn in places and she was very sure there were blood stains on the side of his head and the corner of his mouth.
While the Chinese campione only sported damaged clothes.
'A complete defeat, huh.'
Maybe it was too good to ask for a young campione she'd known for less than a week to fight and defeat a name that had been haunting Asia for the best part of two centuries.
"H-Hey guys… sorry for dropping in like this."
Whether he meant his current state, or the rather unpleasant company he'd brother, she didn't know. But Rias was a little surprised that the boy managed to open one of his swollen eyes.
"One should not be ashamed that one's attendant's serve."
There was confusion in Issei's one open eye, Rias prayed he wouldn't deny his… senior's words, and it seemed her panic got through to him.
"Uh… yeah… sorry. Could you… um, make some tea. And clean the room up." He paused, struggling to breathe properly, perhaps from a broken or severely bruised ribs. "And see… see to Kiba. Go home." Trying to turn over, the teenager managed to end up on his back. "You… uhh… aren't worthy to serve in my older sister's presence… for long."
Unsure as he sounded, Rias realized the boy's intention immediately.
He was giving them a way out.
Staying behind with this… tyrant while they ran with their tails between their legs. Rias swore at that moment she would do everything in her power to make sure her brother didn't kill this boy.
"As you say… sir."
They were saved.
Rias, however, felt shame rather than relief.
'Their carpet feels really nice.'
Every part of Issei hurt. But it wasn't… as sharp. so long as he didn't breathe in too deeply. Instead, it had settled into a deep, all consuming ache. As if his skin had been tattooed inside and out.
Mostly he was just glad he could breathe.
In. Out. In. Out. The only noise the roughness in his throat and the clink of Luo Hao's cup of tea.
"This one confesses she is pleased."
Issei tried to sit up, managing to prop back against a chair leg and half look at the woman who he had managed to fail to kill.
'I suppose that's a good thing.'
"This one expected many things. For a junior, you performed well. Better than the barbarian upstart who slashed my dress but only once when we first met."
Listening, taking slow, shallow breaths, Issei wondered if he should try… something.
"His legs were broken and he was graciously permitted to crawl away… for eight million li. This one rebroke his legs each time he did something foolish, nor did he repent for disrespecting his elders."
A sudden and intense sympathy welled up inside the young man, burning with an intensity he'd never felt before.
'Surely no one deserves that….' Luo Hao smiled at the look of horror he half managed. 'She is pretty when she smiles. Doesn't look… like a tiger.'
"But he is a foolish little brother, more foolish than you by far, and he grew stronger from my discipline. He was, however, still a barbarian at heart and only returns to the house of his elder sister to challenge her." She took a long, dainty sip. "These days, he can last three days and three nights before I make him kow-tow to Heaven and the Sages."
Issei was starting to get the impression that he got off lightly.
Or that she was trying to scare him into behaving with a scary story.
If so….
'Wait.'
Forcing open his second eye, ignoring the swelling and the pain, ignoring the fact that what he was doing would surely see him blinded and thrown into a pit of fire, Issei Hyoudou gave it his all.
'Oppai.'
He realized exactly what she was wearing.
The bandages were just that, dirt and mud stained linen wrappings.
'Chest-Bandages of a martial arts beauty! With genuine battle wear and tear! Truly Buddha has many blessings.'
"Ah! This one sees that you understand the magnificence and benevolence of an elder who instructs her juniors. That is good."
"You… beat a man… like us… and broke his legs."
He managed to, with great effort, drag himself into Rias's chair.
"What… was his… name?"
Blinking, Luo Hao actually looked confused.
"This one… did not deign to record his name."
Issei half nodded.
"Ask… him… next… time. Please."
Giving him a doting smile, the Godslayer reached over, hands gentle, and shifted Issei so he was sitting properly.
"Ask your older brother when he comes to greet you."
Saying no more, she prepared a cup of ginger tea, hands working slowly, carefully, gently, and turned the saucer three times before bringing the cup to Issei's chapped and bloody lips. He hissed at the heat on still open wounds.
"Ah, this one apologizes."
Pulling it back, she blew, gently, conjuring a fine gust of wind, and stealing the steam away from the tea. This time he drank sips, feeling a pleasing warmth, but not a boiling heat, trickle through his body.
The spice made him want to sneeze but, half turning his head to the side, he managed only a small "achoo" before taking another drink.
"Thank you."
His voice was less rough and he was glad she wasn't going to kill him.
"This one is pleased by your performance. And though tea is offered to all of our siblings, even the Upstart, who complained, loudly, of my skills at the time, he has since learned to appreciate it. Still, there is an issue and I must make amends."
"I… ah. How may I assist?"
Looking displeased, the crazy lady who beat the crap out of him, and also his friends, began to undo the wrappings around her chest.
Just like that.
His eyes locked on with perfect precision and everything was ready to be immediately saved to harddrive!
Luo Hao, however, removed a small wooden seal from between the folds of the bandages she wore, having only taken off the very outermost wrap, and replaced the cloth just as quickly as she'd removed it.
Looking at the small thing with a hint of longing, she placed the still warm token in Issei's hand.
"In recognition of your strategic acumen, boldness, and power. This senior believes that reparations are owed following her shameful display. Medical supplies have no place in a trial and resorting to it in a moment of forgetfulness has tainted the test. Therefore, an alternative and a reward must be forfeit."
Alternative?
Reward?
"So… we're fighting again?" He really hoped that wasn't it.
"No, this senior has already declared you worthy. But to save face I will instead allow you to take part in a ritual meant to strengthen this one. Which will also allow me to once more take measure of your potential."
He didn't like where this was going.
"A… ritual?"
Luo Hao nodded with a serene smile.
"Yes, twenty four hours from now… you shall do battle in my place against a god. Rejoice, King Issei Hyoudou, I shall allow you to face Sun Wukong."