Chapter Text
The fire blazed up from the circle, just like it had many times before, and from it, the imp was summoned. As the fire died down, Tweek looked out and laid his eyes on Craig. This time, however, the pastor wasn’t wearing his work attire, but had changed into more casual clothes, but still wore his hat he always wore. “Hey Tweek.” he said nonchalantly. The imp gave a look of confusion. “Craig? What- why did you summon me again? I don’t have any more stories to tell you Craig. Craig shrugged. “Maybe not. But I wanted to ask you something else.” he said, looking away. Tweek and Craig made their way up a hill, and the imp was dying, as he was running out of breath. “Couldn’t you ask me down in the church? Why are you making me climb up a mountain?? WAIT ARE YOU GOING TO KILL ME???” Tweek rambled. Craig gave a small chuckle. “I’m not gonna kill you or anything. Just sit down.” Craig sat down on a patch of grass. “There’s nothing here. Why did you make me walk up a hill to ask me a question?” Tweek stated, sitting down next to him. Craig didn’t look over at the imp and stared up. “I just like this spot because it isn’t affected by the light pollution. You can see the stars clearly from here.” Craig commented. Tweek looked up and stared in awe at the sky. “Why did you bring me to see the stars?” Tweek asked. “I love the stars. And I wanted you to see them.” Craig stated simply. “The concept of the universe has always intrigued me. Mostly how the universe is made. How everything began, it was just fascinating to think about. It’s my special interest, and I’ve always wanted to learn more.” he said. “Why didn’t you? You could’ve studied the stars, right?” Tweek asked further. “I started questioning some… things. I wasn’t that serious about religion, but I would go to church with my parents. At one point I started to actually pay attention to the things they said. It seemed that the church had answers to questions that others couldn’t seem to answer. So I wanted to learn more.” Craig said, still not taking his gaze away from the stars. Tweek sighed. “That happens a lot with you, doesn’t it? You wanting to learn more?” he commented. Craig turned to face Tweek. “I wanted to ask you to tell me about yourself. What is the tale of ‘The Imp’? How’d you end up here?” he asked, looking over at Tweek. Tweek looked at him with surprise, but then looked down. “There isn’t much of a story. I guess I got here because of the job I needed to do.”
“Before everything changed, my task was to distribute drugs here. I saw what they did to people, so I never tried them. But I had to spread it anyway. With my human form, I looked like just some kid in an alley who also happened to be a dealer. I saw most people I dealt to frequently, which is why I was surprised when two adults approached me. Apparently they wanted what I had to offer. They didn’t seem like my usual people. They invited me over to their shop. They said they wanted to offer me a coffee and some pastries. And honestly, I didn’t see why not. They got me my coffee. They asked me a lot about myself. How old I was. If I went to school. Why I dealt. I managed to come up with answers and I drank more coffee. They were really nice. They told me about how they never had kids. How they always wanted one. They offered more coffee. I’d never tried it before, but I drank it anyway. They invited me over more often. I’d give them what they wanted. I drank more coffee. They talked to me. I hung around their shop much more. They would occasionally call me “son”. And it felt nice. My job wasn’t so bad when I was around them. I just happened to wander around the shop. And I walked into their back room. And I saw how they were putting the drugs into their coffee. I confronted them. But they kept their calm, hushed voices as they replied. They went on about slow business. And they said that they needed to keep me around for that. It only took a second to realize that they fed me my own poison. They did it so that I’d never go away with my product. They never cared about me as a person. They only cared about what I had to offer. I thought I hated my job before, but somehow this made it unbearable. Thanks to them now I was hooked on their shit and I couldn’t get away. But things changed. I didn’t have to deal anymore. I didn’t have to see them again. And now I’m here because some pastor decided to use a random summoning circle he found.”
Tweek continued to stare at the stars while Craig was looking over at him. He faced the stars once more. “I’m sorry that happened…” Craig said. They stayed in silence once more. “I haven’t fully recovered from what happened. Maybe that’s not something I can fully recover from… I don’t know.” he muttered. The imp looked over at the pastor. “I think you’re the first person I actually talked to about this.” he sighed. “Really? You’ve never told anyone else about this? You didn’t tell any friends, or if you’ve ever had a girlfriend- well not saying it’s not possible for you to have a girlfriend but I don’t know if you’ve ever had a girlfriend and in the case that you HAVE-” “I’m gay, Craig.” Tweek said while stifling a laugh. “Oh. Cool…” Craig said while trying to hide a smile. Craig stood up. “Well uh- we should head back. It’s getting late.” “Yup, mhm.” Tweek replied. Craig paused and turned around to face Tweek, extending his hand. “I might not be the best at knowing what to say but… I’ll listen. If you want.” Tweek took his hand and stood up. “I’ll keep that in mind.” Tweek said. The imp stood in front of the circle and faced Craig. “Thanks, for this. I actually had a good time.” Tweek said. “You could sound a little less surprised, you know?” Craig replied, cracking a small smile. “Yeah, okay.” Tweek chuckled. Tweek turned around and stepped into the circle. “You know we’ll see each other again, right?” Craig called out from a safe distance away from the fire. Tweek blushed lightly. “See you, Craig.” the imp said, giving a little wave. Craig looked at the spot where the Tweek once stood. He gave a small sigh and then he smiled.
“I think I have a problem.” Craig thought to himself. “Well, calling it suggests that I don’t welcome it. And I definitely welcome this. I knew I said that I would see him again, but I’ve started summoning him once a week. Sometimes more. Not necessarily because I want something, but just to talk and hang out. Sometimes we’ll hang out inside. Or sometimes we’ll be outside again looking at the stars. I don’t have an objective reason to summon him anymore. I just do. And Tweek doesn’t seem to mind either. We have fun just spending time together. Despite all of the summoning I do at night, I still have to do my job in the mornings. I’ve started to notice how many questions my younger audience have. They just want some sort of guidance. But then again, who doesn’t need guidance at that age. I know I did. For most of these questions, my answer was the same: be a good person and live your life as you want. It seems like that satisfied them too. They just needed to be told that things were gonna be okay. It puts me at ease too because I know it’s true. Thanks to Tweek, that is. But as kids do, they spread ideas like wildfire. They talk amongst each other about what I tell them, and sometimes they talk about how I look tired, but that’s fine. It’s just kids being kids and noticing the smallest things. I’m just glad that everyone has felt peace of mind after this whole situation. That joy is what seemingly distracted the pastor from caring about the marker smears on the floor making out strange symbols.
Tweek and Craig stood in front of the circle, as had become a habit. “I had fun hanging out, as always, but I have to go now. Tweek said looking at Craig. “Do you though? It’s still pretty early. I mean, we could-” he pressed. Tweek gave a small laugh. “Yeah, maybe it’s early, but you need to get a decent sleep schedule, dude. You look like shit.” Tweek said between laughs. “Oh, look who’s talking. As if you ever had a good sleep schedule.” Craig joked. “This isn’t about me. I know I have a nonexistent sleep schedule, but that’s different. You’re a human with a job and you need to fix this shit.” Tweek said, rolling his eyes. “I know. But sleep must be sacrificed for us to hang out.” Craig said, reaching for Tweek’s hands. “If you don’t want to be absolutely dead next time we see each other, you’ll let me go.” Suddenly, there was pounding on the door that initially startled them both. Repeated bangs. The doors finally burst open. “Well, Pastor Craig, I thought you were meant to be a man of God?” shouted one of the townspeople from the entrance of the church. There was a crowd of people behind them. It appeared that every member of the church had come to witness the occasion. Craig, still in shock by this new development, nudged Tweek behind him. “Well, the town be damned. It appears we were right. You bring Hellspawn not only into this town, but into the church too. What? Did you want to spread ‘Satan’s message’ then? Is that what you’re telling our kids? We should’ve known. You’ve dealt damage to our town, Tucker. But we can make sure it doesn’t spread anymore.” they said. Craig then noticed that the townsperson was reaching for something in their belt. “Shit.” he muttered. Craig grabbed Tweek and shoved him into the circle. “CRAIG WHAT ARE YOU DOING??” Tweek yelled as he activated the circle. He tried to scrabble out of there, but Craig held him in place and the fire surrounded him. Craig’s arms started to become engulfed in the flame, but he kept them in place no matter how much they hurt. “CRAIG STOP YOU'RE HURTING YOURSELF LET ME GO.” Craig managed to look at Tweek. “I’ll see you soon, Tweek.” he whispered to him. At this point the fire obscured Tweek’s view of the outside and could feel himself getting sucked into the fire. “NO. WAIT CRAIG NO. GET ME OUT OF HERE. STOP!” Tweek yelled as he felt Craig’s grip go away. All he heard was a loud bang and a thump. He yelled, “CRAIG!”
The other end of Tweek’s summoning circle appeared inside of the throne room. As the flame disappeared, Tweek’s legs gave out as he sat. He tried to move but he just sat in the empty room. He didn’t realize that one of the princes walked into the room. The prince greeted him, or said something but Tweek didn’t process it. Was what happened real? He heard the sounds, but he didn’t see. The prince rushed over to Tweek, seeing as he was unresponsive. “Tweek? Are you alright?” he asked, trying to get his attention. But Tweek was dissociating. They couldn’t have, could they? How could they possibly? “Tweek? What happened? Can you tell me?” the prince asked, worried. Tweek managed to sort of process what the prince asked. “They killed him.” he managed to mutter. “Oh. Oh my. Okay. Kenny!” the prince called out. Tweek heard two people talking, but he wasn’t aware of what they were saying. Someone gently helped Tweek up and held onto him. “Alright, try to breathe, Tweek. We’re going to…” but Tweek didn’t pay attention. Did they kill him? He heard a bang. But he didn’t see what was in the belt. What was in that person’s hand. It could have been a firework. Or something else that makes a sound like a gunshot. The thud. He could have taken cover. From the firework. In case it wasn’t a gun in that hand. He trudged along, essentially being dragged to who knows where. He didn’t even know where he was going. He just… went. Even if he missed the firework, he still burned his arms. Very bad. But that’s not enough to kill someone, right? But who knows. Humans can be more fragile, right? They die easily, don’t they? The person stopped and attempted to get Tweek’s attention once more. “Tweek? We’re here. Can you see him anywhere?” he asked. Tweek managed to process what he said and looked up. They were at the place where souls arrived. Despite the fact that the place was crowded as usual, he managed to spot something. He spotted the hat that a certain pastor always wore.
He saw him. Tweek saw him. He was here. He was far away but he was here. Then he finally turned around. And then he saw him. They saw each other. And they just stood there. Looking at each other from a distance. In a small state of shock. Craig was the one who ran toward him first. Tweek, still exiting his state of shock, managed to still run toward him as well. They ran and ran, making their way to reach each other. And they were fucking tired, but that was the least of their concerns. They finally collided together into a hug, and Craig managed to pick up Tweek a little and spin him around. “Tweek…” Craig muttered as he put the imp down. “Craig… what did you…” Tweek tried to say, looking at Craig’s face to make sure it was real. “I think I took a bullet.” Craig said, in his own little state of shock. Then Tweek snapped out of his own. “CRAIG YOU’RE A FUCKING IDIOT.” he said giving Craig a smack. “WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU JUST SHOVE ME INTO THE CIRCLE?? I LEFT YOU ALONE. YOU WERE SHOT AT AND YOU’RE FUCKING DEAD! WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?” Tweek said, very angrily getting close to Craig’s face. And Craig just sighed. “I’m sorry, Tweek. I just kind of acted on impulse. I just wanted you to get out of there.” Craig said. “SO WHAT? YOU JUST TOOK A BULLET AND DIDN'T LET ME HELP YOU?!?!” Tweek asked, still very angry. Craig went for Tweek’s hands. “I know, I’m sorry. I do stupid shit because I like you.” Craig said. Tweek’s anger melted away with that statement and just stared at Craig. Still holding his hands, Craig took Tweek’s face in his hands and brought it close. They finally shared a kiss, something small and cheeky for the first time. They broke away from their affections and just looked at each other. “AGH CRAIG- Oh Jesus. I- you like me back!?” Tweek attempted to say. “I like you a lot. Wanna go out with me?” Craig stated. Tweek gave a nervous smile. “I- yeah? God you’re odd.” “So are you.” “Shut up.” he said, giving a small laugh. Finally.
Tweek and Craig held hands as they made their way into a place of residence. Tweek led him to a door and opened it by the handle. Craig went a few steps in before turning around and facing the imp who still stood at the door frame. Tweek gave him a small wave before shutting the door. Craig couldn’t help but smile. He sat on the bed and sighed. He then lifted his hand to turn off the light. Flick. Everything was ready for them to rest. But within the darkness, light lurked. It slithered. It made its way under the door. It crept on the ground. It climbed on the bed. And it wrapped around Craig’s leg. And then the light yanked him. Craig awoke with a start as he thumped to the ground, being dragged out the door. Craig couldn’t grasp at anything, so he yelled out for help. Tweek jolted awake at the noise in his own room and bolted out of bed. He busted through his bedroom door to see Craig at the end of the corridor, being dragged away by a rope of light. Tweek only took a second to process what he had seen before chasing after Craig. Tweek sprinted as Craig turned a corner, which Tweek rammed into. They were both yelling for each other and attempting to each for each other. Craig was finally dragged into an open area. And as Tweek reached the outdoors, he had to stop and observe the sight was both that of glory and horror. Souls all over the place were being dragged by individual strings of light. All over the place. They were all leading to a center. Tweek snapped out of his horror and ran again to keep up with Craig, and everyone else who was being dragged to who-knows-where. But everyone was being dragged too quickly. Then Tweek began to panic as soon as Craig was no longer being dragged on the floor, but was starting to be pulled up. It was like a blackhole, with light dragging sinners out of Hell and into the Void. Tweek stopped running and planted his feet on the ground. He gasped exhaustively before launching himself up and flying as fast as he could. He was flying between souls being yanked upward. Some weren’t even souls. Some were imps too. In that case, why wasn’t he being pulled up? Tweek occasionally looked around to see who was being dragged. That didn’t matter at that point. He had to reach Craig. He continued to look up, and his face shifted to one of utmost sheer panic when he realized that the souls were being dragged outside the bounds of Hell themselves. They went up. Up up. He had to get to Craig. He was so close. He had to reach him before it was too late. If Craig left the bounds of Hell, then Tweek couldn’t reach him. He was so close. Just as Craig was escaping the bounds of Heaven, Tweek managed to grab his arms, putting his legs on the barrier and leaning backwards. He pulled and pulled, resisting the light rope’s tug. “NO. NOT AGAIN. FUCK!” Tweek yelled as he tried to pull Craig away. “Shit. Tweek, I’m slipping.” Craig said, in a panicked voice. Tweek was losing the fight for Craig as he was being dragged through the barrier. His arms slipped to his wrists. Then his wrists slipped to his hands. Soon he only held onto his fingers. And then the force field won. It kept Tweek in. And it took Craig. He tried to reach him again, but he couldn’t. He hit the field over and over again, but to no avail. Craig was far into the void by now. Tweek felt his sight get blurry. And then everything went black. He opened his eyes. It was hard to see. There was too much light. But he heard a voice. It spoke to him. “Welcome to Heaven.”
“Hello, my children.” Craig sat up urgently and looked around. He heard a voice, but couldn't figure out where it was coming from. “It appears that we are all gathered here today because you all were apparently unsatisfied with your end results. I find myself to have become very intrigued with all of my creations. So, a new beginning starts here, in the end.” He said. Crowds of people looked up in search of the voice. One spoke up. “Excuse me, WOT? You- you just took us away from the happiness that we FINALLY managed to build for ourselves!” Pip yelled upward to wherever God was. “Phillip Pirrup. Someone who showed kindness and never stepped out of line. Hell has changed you, now hasn’t it Pip? Well, if you all must know, hearing your stories has intrigued me. All the tales told. The Sinner Prince. The Color Red. The Runaway. The Mole. Most here, though some had to be left behind.” There was a slight pause in his voice. “It appears that you all have become too comfortable as a part of Hell. There is no need to be shy while you reside in Heaven. It is a waste to cower behind impish forms when you all have perfectly good forms, as the fallen.” Suddenly, the imps who had previously been out of place writhed in pain as they shifted . His impish features were forced to shift into that of the fallen. Four well-known imps, and a fifth who sat apart with the rest, left exhausted. “That is better, is it not? Might as well take ownership of the form you have. I am not surprised to see how the four of you have changed.” God said to the newer fallen angels. But someone else caught his attendance. “I am, however, surprised to see you now, Gregory.” A fallen angel looked up through the strands of his hair falling on his face. “Despite your corruption, I do not believe that you are beyond repair. None of you are. I can fix that.” He continued. “How did you even hear our stories? You never paid attention up here, much less down in the filth.” Gregory asked, demanding answers. “Gregory, you never lost the habit of asking questions, now have you? Someone somehow managed to ask more questions than you. I may not have paid attention to anything going on within the realms of the afterlife, but I did find myself listening in to what was going on when the stories were told to a certain pastor on Earth. Did you find the answers you wanted, Craig?” He said. Craig looked up in a state of shock. “Such inspiring stories, now were they not? It gave you some sense of comfort? So much comfort that you decided to stray even further into the path of sin. A pastor and an imp. Very interesting. What a finale to The Imp, am I right? You really wished to make it to Heaven at some point, did you not? You wished for so many people to make it into Heaven. People like the ones that surround you now. So tell me. Are you finally satisfied?” God asked.
Craig felt like he couldn’t speak. Others spoke up instead. “So, what? You just dragged us back up to give us a ‘second chance’?!” Kyle yelled out. “What makes you think that we’d want to stay here? Sure, we have our partners here, but we can’t just enjoy this while others suffer without their loved ones here.” Wendy yelled out in agreement. “It appears that you two are confused. I may have forgiven the sins that you have committed in the past, but that does not mean that you can continue to commit them here. I am providing the opportunity to have Heaven, and start anew as you exist free of sin.” God stated in explanation. “WHAT? NO. YOU CAN’T DO THAT. THAT’S UNFAIR!” Butters yelled. “This-this isn’t what I wanted.” Craig managed to say. “What was that? I finally am doing what you ALL wished for and you still are not satisfied?” God asked. Craig felt anger creep up. “What could possibly make you think that we would EVER want this? It’s as if this is all a game to you. You create life with the end goal of Heaven, but you have crafted such a specific set of rules and tell NO ONE. PEOPLE WORK THEIR ENTIRE LIVES TO BE AS GOOD OF A PERSON AS THEY CAN BE. WHAT GAME ARE YOU PLAYING AT THAT YOU CAN WATCH AS IT ALL PLAYS OUT?” Craig yelled up to God. “Humans have always been my prized creation. You all have a thirst for knowledge. It appears, however, that my creations mostly cause chaos with such knowledge. It is no longer necessary to intervene on any account. I observe as chaos unfolds. So much so that you are all driving yourselves to your own end. It would be sin to lie and not admit that anyone would find this game that I have created to be entertaining. But alas, those days are over. Thanks to such entertaining tales that take place in this very realm, a new game commences here and now. In The End.”
Kenny’s body was bound by the light rope and couldn’t move. He shifted and shifted but the light rope wouldn’t let go. He just lay there, feeling helpless. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw something. It seemed like a person. “HEY! Is anybody there?? Can you help me get out of this? I’m kind of stuck here. The person approached and looked down at Kenny. “I can’t get you out of zere. Where is ze prince?” he said. Kenny looked up at him. “Wow. So much for helping me. And they dragged the prince up. The other one is still up there, tryna break through the barrier or something.” Kenny said, motioning to where the souls were dragged up. Just as Kenny had said, Damien was up there still failing to pass the Hellish barrier into the Heavenly realm. “EY! YOU KNOW ZAT YOU CAN’T PASS ZE BARRIER, RIGHT? STOP WASTING YOUR TIME AND GET DOWN HERE.” the stranger called out. 1 The prince flew and made his way down. “EXCUSE ME? I’M TRYING TO GET MY HUSBAND BACK. WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO GET EVERYONE BACK?” Damien exclaimed. “Somezing much more useful. I am going to go up.” He said bluntly. “What do you think I’ve been trying to do? We can’t go up there.” Damien said, looking up to where they pulled everyone. “I know a way up there.” Kenny said still tied up on the floor. “You untie him so zat he can stop annoying ME about it.” The stranger said, walking over to a what appeared to be a pile of rubble. As Damien managed to untie Kenny, he pressed on. “I know of a tunnel that leads up to Heaven. For some reason it doesn’t have a force field or border or whatever to keep up out.” Kenny revealed. “What? Really? WELL THEN LET’S GO!” Damien said, yanking Kenny up. “Zat is the same way I was referring to. I just came back down to get some zings” the stranger said, not fazed by Kenny’s “big reveal”. He was still too busy scrounging through the rubble. “How could you possibly know? I thought only I did… I haven’t heard of anyone else finding the Mole’s tunnel.” He said, trying to look over at the stranger. The stranger finally found a quite lovely musket rifle. “Zat is because I made zat tunnel.” He said, turning around with the rifle in hand. “YOU’RE THE Mole???” Kenny called out. “Oui. Now, what else have we got?” Christophe pressed on. “Sinners, imps, you, me, and Kenny’s weird hybrid forms.” Damien stated, with a defiant “hey!” from Kenny. “Well, let’s come up wiz a way to be useful. Come on.”
Damien, Kenny, and Christophe looked on. “Alright so imps will be put into position, and then zhe zhree of us go up and find a way to get everyone back.” Christophe muttered. “Shouldn’t we take the imps with us? We barely have a plan to storm our way up there and we could use the extra help.” Damien said, turning to Christophe. “God is a bitch that likes to play games. Fuck that shit. We do this this way, we get to fuck shit up up Heaven.” He replied. “I don’t think that was everybody though. But I don’t know. I’m not really that good at remembering our imps.” Damien commented. “Take me with you.” Tweek said from behind them. “Weren’t you supposed to go with the rest? That’s the whole point of the plan.” Kenny said. “I don’t see you going with them, Kenny. You’re going up because they took Butters. Well they took someone from me too. So I’m coming with you. I’m pretty sure everyone here has someone to get back.” he stated. Kenny nodded. “Okay. Let’s go over to your tunnel thing.” he said. “So what you’re saying is, our stories suddenly made you want to keep Heaven within your sights? How interesting. So much happened right under your nose but you barely took a moment to notice it. Honestly, I call bullshit on this.” Gregory said in a pressing tone. “That is exactly why I have started to pay my attention to their realm rather than one of Earth. It appears that your stories have spread quickly and become a major subject of discussion. I wish to witness the chaos that you all seem to attract.” God replied. “So, you basically want a good show to be satisfied. And chaos helps you get there? Well what are you going to do with the saints and angels you already have here?” he asked. “They have yet to step out of line. So no change is necessary for them.” God stated simply. “OH SO THAT FATASS CARTMAN IS STILL HERE HUH? DOES HE KNOW THAT KENNY STILL CAN’T COME BACK HERE? WHERE THE FUCK IS HE ANYWAY?” Kyle yelled out. “Yeah… that’s true. Where’s Cartman?” Stan asked. “Who the fuck cares??? Isn’t he the one that got us thrown out anyway?” Bebe snapped at the boys. Suddenly chaos ensued within that group. Craig, being somewhat close to Gregory, whispered, “Hey, you’re asking stuff on purpose, aren’t you?” Gregory looked over at the pastor. “I’m stalling Him. If He wants chaos, it’s on its way.”
Damien, Kenny, and Christophe looked on. “Well, they’re gone. It would make so much more sense to bring them with us, you know.” Damien said, turning to Christophe. “Trust me. We’ve zought zis zrough.” He replied. “I don’t think that was everybody though. But I don’t know. I’m not really that good at remembering our imps.” Damien commented. “Take me with you.” Tweek said from behind them. “Weren’t you supposed to go with the rest? That’s the whole point of the plan.” Kenny said. “I don’t see you going with them, Kenny. You’re going up because they took Butters. Well they took someone from me too. So I’m coming with you. I’m pretty sure everyone here has someone to get back.” he stated. Kenny nodded. “Okay. Let’s go over to your tunnel thing.” he said. “So what you’re saying is, our stories suddenly made you want to keep Heaven within your sights? How interesting. So much happened right under your nose but you barely took a moment to notice it. Honestly, I call bullshit on this.” Gregory said in a pressing tone. “That is exactly why I have started to pay my attention to their realm rather than one of Earth. It appears that your stories have spread quickly and become a major subject of discussion. I wish to witness the chaos that you all seem to attract.” God replied. “So, you basically want a good show to be satisfied. And chaos helps you get there? Well what are you going to do with the saints and angels you already have here?” he asked. “They have yet to step out of line. So no change is necessary for them.” God stated simply. “OH SO THAT FATASS CARTMAN IS STILL HERE HUH? DOES HE KNOW THAT KENNY STILL CAN’T COME BACK HERE? WHERE THE FUCK IS HE ANYWAY?” Kyle yelled out. “Yeah… that’s true. Where’s Cartman?” Stan asked. “Who the fuck cares??? Isn’t he the one that got us thrown out anyway?” Bebe snapped at the boys. Suddenly chaos ensued within that group. Craig, being somewhat close to Gregory, whispered, “Hey, you’re asking stuff on purpose, aren’t you?” Gregory looked over at the pastor. “I’m stalling Him. If He wants chaos, it’s on its way.”
The four creatures were climbing out of the other end of the tunnel. They wasted no time, running through the halls and out of the building, carrying whatever they could. They ran outside to the area where everyone else was, with weapons in hand. With his eyes now on Heaven, He noticed them as soon as they stepped outside. “So it appears that despite my efforts, the pests still manage to make their way inside.” He spoke. Damien, being angered by God, lit up in flame and his form reflected his rage. “GIVE ME BACK MY HUSBAND OR YOU WILL FUCKING REGRET IT.” Damien yelled up. “Okay, yeah, calm down homie. But seriously, give everyone back to us.” Kenny said. “No. No more chances.” Christophe angrily muttered. Tweek furrowed his eyebrows before he bolted towards those captured. The rest of the rescue team followed, reuniting with who they were looking for. Damien ran over to Pip and helped him up off of the floor. “What are we doing?” Pip whispered hurriedly. Damien handed Pip the twin daggers he had on him. Pip took them. “I don’t want to use these, Damien.” he muttered. “It’s just in case, don’t worry.” Wendy turned her gaze from the princes and looked over to Bebe. “They have weapons.” she whispered. “What do they need weapons for?” Stan asked worriedly. “It’s probably the only way to get us out of here.” Bebe replied. “Good thing we can summon our own then.” Kyle said, making his pistol appear. The other three gave him a look of oddity before summoning their respective axe, bow, and gauntlets. Kenny swiftly summoned a hammer from nowhere. “All I’ve got is this goofy thing. Here, you can have it, Buttercup.” He said, casually handing over his weapon. “A hammer! Wait, what will you use? Do you have anything else?” She asked concerned. “Don’t worry” he said as he shifted into his angelic form “I am my own weapon.” Christophe kneeled over to Gregory’s level as they whispered to each other. “Are you ready?” Christophe asked hurriedly as he was preparing to load his rifle. “Yes. Use these.” Gregory said, extending his hand to show Christophe a handful of bullets. “If you have to shoot, don’t use bullets from Hell. We don’t want to kill them.” Gregory said, placing the bullets in Christophe’s hand. Christophe took them as Gregory summoned his sword. Tweek let go of Craig’s hand and handed him a shield he had with him. “Here. Sorry, it’s one of the only things we could find. I just don’t want you to get hurt and die again-“ Tweek rambled nervously while ticking. “Thanks anyway. What do we do?” “We’re gonna have to run.” Tweek said with a shake in his voice. All the armed rebels stood, looking for the direction of the exit to this place. The gates. Just then, angels arrived, each with a sword in hand surrounding the abductees. “I see. You are attempting to leave. I am afraid that will not do. I cannot let you leave.” God spoke. The angels stared at the rebels. And the rebels stared at the angels. Tweek turned to the people behind him. “GET TO THE GATES. THAT’S OUR WAY OUT OF HERE.” He yelled out. The angels were startled at the imp’s plan, too startled to notice Gregory yelling out “GO NOW!!” While raising his sword, causing everyone to swarm toward the angels. Creatures from Hell easily managed to get through the angels, who did a terrible job of stopping them. So the cat and mouse game began, where sinners, imps, and the fallen sprinted toward the Heavenly gates. Damien lit a few smoke bombs and dropped them on the floor, making it almost impossible to see. Pip carefully made his way through the smoke, looking for stragglers who were held back by angels. He hurried some people on while he was still looking through the smoke. He jumped back as he spotted an angel, getting into a defensive position. She stared at him with a face full of boredom. She signaled him to carry on. “Are you…?” Pip started to ask skeptically. “If you’re asking if I’m going to stop you, the answer is no. I don’t care enough to fight. See you soon.” Estella shrugged. Pip gave her a small smile before carrying on with Damien. Wendy halted her sprinting and scanned her area. Angels with their hands on sinners all over the place. “They won’t let them go.” She huffed. Bebe approached her. “Do you want to fight?” Bebe asked. “Obviously. But we just need to throw them off of our backs to that we can run again.” she calculated. “KYLE! STAN! GET OVER HERE!!” Bebe yelled out. They turned around and ran toward her, weapons in hand. “Kyle, you and Bebe try to scare off as many angels as you can. Don’t kill anyone. If anyone is still left over, Stan and I can take care of them.” Bebe and Kyle nodded as Wendy and Stan ran toward groups of angels. Bebe took an arrow and prepared it, taking a breath before shooting it, the arrow slicing through an angel’s hair. That was enough for them to realize they were a target, and ran away from the poor sinner. Kyle continuously shot his pistol, narrowly missing the angels bodies, which was enough for most of the captors. One angel looked around as it held it’s blade on a sinner’s throat, all while Wendy crept up from behind, swinging straight at the angel’s head. The angel landed on it’s ass as the sinner ran with the others. Stan approached and looked down at who Wendy has socked. It was Cartman. Stan dropped his axe from his shoulder and let it swing at his feet for a bit as Cartman stared at them both. Wendy scoffed and walked off wi “Oh Kenny, I see you’re back to your intended form. However, it still feels highly inappropriate that you kept your angelic one despite not being deserving of it in any way. But, I suppose you and your sinner always wanted to have your moment of rebellion when it comes to your intended form. The good thing is, I can fix one of the issues at the moment.” God said. Kenny felt that excruciating feeling of his angelic form coming out. But he resisted it. He resisted because he wanted his impish form. But the angelic one made its way out. And it came out. But to his surprise, the impish one stayed. He was simultaneously expressing the angelic and impish form. “Huh. Well. That’s new. Thanks for making a new form for me, God.” Kenny reacted mockingly. Everyone was managing to fight their way toward the gates. Some actually had to use their weapons on the angels. But they finally reached the pearly gates. Tweek and Craig were out of breath, and covered in a bit of blue blood. Then a light rope wrapped around Craig’s leg again. “Oh fuck.” Craig sighed as he was dragged away from the gates. “Although this was entertaining, you are not going anywhere.”
Craig was held behind by a shitton of the light ropes, pressing him down into the ground. Tweek and Craig looked at each other, scared. The crowd of people at the pearly gates just froze. Tweek just stood there. “Here’s the deal. You’re going to give me my boyfriend back. And here’s why. Hell is actively mingling with life on Earth. Right now, as we speak, actually. Imps are spreading their Hellish influence wherever they can. Even Satan is down there. You wanted chaos, didn’t you? There you have it.” Tweek stated with small shakes in his voice. “I do not believe that is the case, imp.” He replied. “You wouldn’t know though. You’re too busy looking at us that you’re missing the action going on below. Take a look. Imps. Causing chaos on behalf of humans. I find that pretty entertaining, but seeing as you aren’t that into mingling, I would assume that’s less entertaining for you.” Tweek continued. “They are getting too involved. They need to stop.” God said, clearly looking at the Earth once more. “Let us leave. Let everyone go. And we’ll call the imps back. You can get back to watching the Game.” Tweek said. But God wasn’t listening anymore. He was too indulged in the Game on Earth again. “Let’s fall.” Tweek said, turning around. Craig turned and looked at some of the angels. They hadn’t done anything wrong, really. They were just doing what they thought was the right thing. “Hey. If you want to come down with us, know that there is a place for you with us.” he said. And they listened. They lined up at the gates and opened them. They made it to the cloudy border of Heaven. For some it was familiar. But for most of them, this was their choice. And they leapt off. They were falling, but they were happy. Couples held onto each other. They were going to be okay. Tweek and Craig held onto each other. They were falling together. So many hit the Hellish ground at the same time. It hurt like a bitch, but they made it. Tweek and Craig laid on their backs trying to recover from the fall. “What- what just happened?” Craig asked out loud. “I think- holy shit Craig I think we might have just fixed the afterlife for good.” Tweek replied, looking over at his boyfriend. They started laughing out of shock as they held hands.
“It hasn’t been too long since all of… that happened. I still can’t believe that everything I’m recounting is even real. It’s just… I mean, it sounds crazy right? I mean, I know if I tried to explain any of this to anyone I would sound like a lunatic. Mormons being the only ones that go to Heaven? Imps? Angels? Sinners? Saints? It’s… unbelievable. I think the reason why it’s unbelievable is because everyone is happy. In Hell. It’s a happiness that we’ve created for ourselves. We don’t have to worry about being ourselves. I mean, it has become just such common knowledge that if you’re a good person, then you’re going to have a good afterlife, even if you’re in Hell. Things are going well for everyone who deserves it. Hell is still seeing improvements in many areas to provide a better afterlife for good souls. I finally got my own place. Of course, so did others who also deserved it. I’ve made friends too. Most of them are angels, but they’re cool. And when I can, I look at the stars. I check up on you too. I mean, I can’t really go to see you… though I wish I could, but I do have a way to see you. But, that’s why I’m just writing all of this down for you. Honestly, I wouldn’t even call this a letter. I’ve sent you a whole book at this point. Sorry about that too. It’s just… there's so much to explain about what happened. I’m sorry about that too. I didn’t mean to go… that just kind of happened. I hope you know I miss you all every day. I want to see you so bad, but I’ll wait. I don’t want to see you until you come here and you’re wrinkly and old. Same with dad. And I really don’t want to see Tricia. I’m joking… I miss her too. I also don’t want to see her until she’s old. I guess… I’m writing all of this to you to let you know that I’m okay. I might be gone, but I’m okay. And you’ll be okay too. I know that it sounds really scary when I say that everyone goes to Hell in the end, but I promise that it’s not that bad. I really wish that you could meet Tweek. I think you’d like him. And… I think I’ve met the one. This has gotten long. Sorry if it was hard to read, you know how messy my writing is haha. I miss you, mami. Te amo. Take your time.” - Craig
Laura put down the last page of the letter. Tears streamed down her cheeks. She smiled. “I will.”