Archive of Our Own ^beta

Buck should’ve known that his 24-hour shift would be a bad one. He should’ve known from the second he woke up to the dull throbbing ache in his left leg. He thought that with a few painkillers and some gel, he could push through the pain so he didn’t have to tell Bobby. 

It happened on rare occasions or when it rained, but ever since the bombing when his leg got crushed, there were days when Buck’s leg hurt all over. He never mentioned this to anybody but his doctor, especially not Eddie or Bobby, who prescribed him pain meds. He knew how guilty Bobby would feel about his chronic pain, and he knew Eddie would get all protective and fawn all over him. (Buck wanted Eddie to fawn over him in a very different way, but he knew that was impossible. His best friend would not have the same feelings for Buck as Buck did for him.)

The shift started off fine, Buck had taken ibuprofen and applied the gel to his leg, and it felt better than it had in the morning, but as the shift went on, it was harder to keep up with. He knew he wasn’t acting like himself, and he wasn’t due for another round of painkillers for another hour. People were starting to notice, especially Hen, who kept giving him side glances every time he tried to hide a wince. He could tell Eddie was about to say something before the alarm went off, cutting off whatever he was about to say.

“Let’s go! Let’s go!” Bobby yelled, and everybody scrambled to get into the trucks. They were too focused on the upcoming call to notice Buck getting there a little slower than usual.

On the drive over, Buck felt Eddie’s eyes on him the entire time, but he pointedly ignored his gaze by looking out the window. He thought he could push through until he noticed where they were. Buck inhaled sharply.

They were on the same street where the bombing occurred, the same event responsible for today’s leg pain. 

The others seemed to notice simultaneously, their bodies tensing and eyes darting to Buck as they reached their destination. Buck tried his best to avoid any reaction outwardly, but inwardly, he felt his heart race.

“Buck,” Bobby’s voice cut into his spiraling thoughts. “Are you sure you’re alright to be here? It’s okay if you’re not.” He felt eyes on him as he responded, “I’m all good, Cap.”

“Alright. Let me know if that changes.”

He felt the concerned gazes of his friends as they exited the ladder truck. Chimney placed his hand on his shoulder as he passed him, giving him a little shake. Hen gave him a reassuring smile before following the paramedic. 

Before he saw him, he knew the person coming up to bump their shoulders was his best friend. “Are you sure you’re good?” 

“Yeah, I’m sure,” Buck replied, and he meant it. Sure, it was a jolt to his system when they arrived, but it was just a place—he would be fine. Eddie nodded, although he still looked concerned, and together, they went to the site of the accident.

Working the scene was like clockwork. Putting out some small fires that erupted from one of the crashes, freeing people from their cars, and getting those caught in the crossfire to safety. Eddie and Buck worked in sync, using the jaws and saws to get people out of their cars.

It wasn’t until Eddie left his side that things went wrong. 

Eddie went to grab the extinguisher from the rig to put out any lingering flames in the burnt-out car. Buck focused on getting one of the civilians to a paramedic, before circling back to see if he could help with the truck. He was a good thirty feet away when it happened. The truck in front of him exploded.

The explosion knocked him and a couple of other firefighters off of their feet, sending them flying a few feet back from where they stood. Buck felt his helmet crash with the pavement and then darkness.

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When he awoke, there was pounding in his head and ringing in his ears, the smell of smoke and flames, and the feel of the pavement on his back. A sudden surge of panic overwhelmed Buck, catching him off guard. His heart started to race, pounding out of his chest, and his breaths started to quicken.

He was back under the ladder truck. His leg was being crushed; he was stuck. Then suddenly, hands were on him, pulling him back, but Buck thrashed against them.

No, no, no. The people pulling him would make it worse. His leg was trapped.

Voices clamored around him, but Buck couldn’t understand them because of the ringing in his ears and the spiral of panic. He continued to thrash and push against the hands trying to touch him. It was too much right now, and all he could think about was his leg trapped under the ladder truck. He was back under the ladder truck. 

Distantly, Buck heard shouting as he was thrashing against the hands on him as they tried to pull him upright and away from the fire spreading on the pavement.

“Get off him!” he heard someone yell, and a moment later, the hands on his arms were gone.

They were replaced by steady hands landing on his shoulders, and the voice seemed distant, lost in the ringing in his ears and the panic. His vision blurred, and his surroundings swirled together before him, leaving an orange glow in its wake—a fire, an explosion. His breathing came out in uneven gasps, his chest tight with panic, unable to focus on anything but the explosion and the agony in his leg. 

Then, gentle hands cupped his face, and Buck’s vision cleared, “Look at me, Buck. You need to breathe, okay?”

Buck tried his best to obey, but his lungs wouldn’t cooperate. Desperately, he tried to ground himself, to find some anchor in the storm raging inside him. But the world seemed to narrow in and spiral out of control, and he felt like he was hanging on by a thread.

“Buck, cariño, I need you to breathe,” the voice pleaded, laced with concern, breaking through Buck’s panic.

His breaths were coming in wheezy gasps, and suddenly, the hands cupping his face were gone. Someone held his trembling hands and guided them to rest against someone’s chest. 

Eddie.

“Buck, it’s me. It’s Eddie. It’s okay, you’re okay,” Eddie reassured, gripping his hand tighter against the center of his chest. “Copy me, okay? In and out. With me?”

“In.” Buck feels Eddie’s chest rise in an exaggerated breath, and he tries. He really does, but his body doesn’t get the message. Buck’s breaths are coming in as quick gasps, and he sees Eddie grow more frantic. He hears others nearby, but he can only focus on Eddie.

“Buck, please—”

“.. C-Can’t…” Buck manages. He felt as though he was trapped in a nightmare, unable to escape the suffocating grip of fear that was consuming him. His breathing becomes shallower and more rapid, with each breath feeling like he is struggling for air. 

“Yes, you can, cariño. You can do it,” Eddie urged, and Buck felt his grip tighten on his clenched hands. After a few more failed attempts at getting him to match his breathing, Buck became lightheaded, causing him to panic further. He could hear shuffling around him, but he couldn’t focus on anything else, with his leg throbbing.

“My leg… my leg…my leg—” Buck’s words spilled out in a frantic chant as soon as he could catch his breath long enough to form a sentence.

“What’s wrong with your leg? Where? Which leg?” Eddie panicked, looking at his legs for any injury but finding none. Buck whimpered his breaths, feeling like they were stuck in his throat. He didn’t see the realization dawn on Eddie’s face as he figured out what was happening.

“Buck, you’re having a panic attack. I need you to slow down, okay? You’re okay; you’re not stuck—your leg isn’t under the truck, I promise.” Eddie swore, and Buck felt as he intertwined their fingers. Squeezing them together, Eddie continued, “Okay, okay, Buck. Tell me five things you can see.”

“Fire…cars…people…hands…you,” Buck wheezed, his breaths still short. Eddie nodded, squeezing his hands again. “Yes! You’re doing great, Buck. Now, name four things you can touch,” Eddie requested, never taking his eyes off Buck.

Buck tried to suck in more oxygen before answering, “Y-you..road…c-car..fire..hands.” 

“You’re doing such a great job, cariño. Take a breath with me, okay? In….one two three four. Out…one two three four.” Buck felt more successful this time, his breaths becoming less rapid. 

“That’s it—keep going. Three things you can hear,” Eddie encouraged, wiping at the tears Buck hadn’t realized had fallen off his face. 

“...sirens, people…you,” Buck managed, his breathing still wheezy, but his breaths didn’t feel as desperate. He felt his panic start to subside.

“You’re doing so good. Two things you can smell.”

He took a shaky breath in, oxygen flooding his body. “Smoke and y-you, I guess,” Buck responded, not knowing what else he could say. His breathing was returning to normal, and he felt the panic subsiding. “I’ll give you that one,” Eddie teased, looking more relaxed than he had earlier. You’re doing great, cariño. One more, okay? Name one thing you can taste,” Eddie instructed, rubbing the back of his hand with his fingers.

“Blood,” Buck said simply. He watched as Eddie started to tense up again, and his eyes widened, concerned. 

“Blood?” He asked, alarmed, which made Buck realize how that response might come off. “I think I bit my tongue,” Buck admitted, and Eddie let out a sigh of relief before grabbing Buck and pulling him into his arms in a tight embrace. That didn’t bother Buck, who clung back just as desperately, releasing a slight sob.

“You did so good for me, Buck.” Eddie crooned in his ear, and Buck tucked himself closer to Eddie in response, burying his head in his neck, still feeling shaky. 

“How are you feeling?” Eddie inquired while pulling back, but Buck grabbed his hand and clung to it before he could pull further away. 

Thankfully, Eddie didn’t protest, and Buck felt eternally grateful for his ability to read Buck when he couldn’t express it himself.

And if he had to be honest, Buck felt as though the panic subsided, and he was able to breathe better than he had been a minute prior, but he felt shaky and drained.

“Like I got run over by a train,” Buck tried to joke, but it came out flat, and Eddie politely gave him a light chuckle. “Well, panic attacks will do that to you. And you just had a pretty nasty one.”

Buck grimaced, looking down and seeing his leg. He suddenly remembered what he had thought happened in his panic. The explosion, coupled with his leg pain and the same street, made him think he was suddenly under the ladder truck again.

“What happened?” Buck asked, ignoring Eddie’s statement. Eddie sighed, “The truck driver forgot to mention that he had propane tanks in the back. He didn’t remember to tell us before it was too late. Luckily, it looks like mostly everybody was far away enough to not get burnt.”

That must’ve triggered something in Eddie as he began looking him up and down for any injuries he may have sustained that he may not have noticed in favor of getting Buck’s breathing under control. 

“Come on, let’s get you checked out,” Eddie says, moving away to stand up. He reached his hands down to help Buck up, and Buck grabbed onto them and pulled himself up with some help from Eddie. He stood with shaky legs and would’ve lost his balance if Eddie hadn’t steadied him when his left leg gave out.

“Are you okay?” Eddie asked concernedly, and Buck nodded. “Just still shaky, I guess,” Buck lied, not wanting to alarm Eddie about the pain in his leg. 

Bobby met up with them and placed a hand on Buck’s shoulder that Eddie’s body wasn’t blocking.

“Kid, you okay?” Bobby asked gently, looking him in the eye. Buck shrugged, “I’m okay, just tired.”

“Yeah, I bet. I’m glad you’re okay, kid,” Bobby began with a squeeze and shake of his shoulder, “I’ll see you in a few minutes. I have to take care of something first. Eddie takes him to the ambulance. I’ll send Hen your way.” Buck watched Eddie nod and slide Buck’s arm over his shoulder before steering them away to the ambulance.

Eddie helped him to the ambulance, where he deposited Buck on the edge of the back, sliding his arm off his shoulders. He went into the ambulance and grabbed a shock blanket before wrapping it around his shoulders and sitting next to him. Together, they watched the rest of the 118 and the 136 clear the scene, putting out the fire in the truck and helping out others who were at the crossroads of the explosion. After a few minutes, Buck let his head drop on Eddie’s shoulder.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Eddie asked, and Buck could feel the way his head turned to look at him.

“I-I thought I was under the ladder truck again,” Buck admitted sheepishly before continuing, “I thought I could handle being on this street again, but I guess the explosion and my leg bothering me today didn’t make for a good combination.” 

Before he realizes his mistake, he feels Eddie stiffen against him. “Your leg was bothering you? Why didn’t you tell me?”

Oops , Buck thought he must’ve been shaken up more than he thought to let that secret loose. “Um-” Buck started, and he could feel Eddie gearing up to interrupt his excuse. “Don’t try to get your way out of this one, Buck. How long has this been going on?” 

“S-since the bombing,” Buck admitted with a stutter. Eddie shook his head and sighed. “Buck, it’s been years. Why am I just hearing about this now?”

“I didn’t want you to be worried,” Buck responded simply. “If it helps, I didn’t tell anybody.”

“Buck. I will always worry about you. If you told me, maybe I could’ve helped,” Eddie implied before grabbing his hand and intertwining their fingers. “But I’m sorry, I never noticed.”

Buck immediately shook his head, “Eddie, no. I purposefully hid it. That’s not on you. I didn’t want you to know.” Eddie opened his mouth to respond, but at that moment, Hen arrived looking concerned. 

“How we doing, Buckaroo?” 

“I’m—” Buck began, but Eddie cut him off with a warning, “If you say you’re fine, I will summon Maddie.”

“—I'm doing okay, now?” Buck cautiously replied, hearing Eddie grunt and Hen chuckle softly.

“Alright, let me check you out anyway,” Hen said, moving to grab her med kit and assess his condition. Eddie leaned against the edge of the ambulance, arms folded, his gaze fixed on Hen and Buck.

As Hen started her assessment, focusing mainly on his head since Eddie had mentioned he was unconscious just before reaching him, she explained, “I would’ve checked you out earlier, but you wouldn’t let anybody touch you.”

"Daniels and Maxwell tried to pull you away from the blast zone, but you were fighting them off," Hen continued. "Well, until Eddie came running," she teased, giving Buck a pointed look that caused him to flush in embarrassment.

Overhearing the conversation, Chimney joined them and chimed in, "Ah, yes, helicopter Diaz to the rescue," drawing a glare from Eddie and chuckles from Hen and Buck.

“Alright, alright, all jokes aside, how’s the patient, Hen?” Chimney asked, his gum snapping in his mouth. Hen finished her assessment. “He’s got a concussion for sure. The pupils are uneven. We’re gonna have to take him in, but everything else looks good.”

“Thanks, Hen,” Buck mumbled quietly as she hugged him. When she pulled away, she said, “Hop in Buckaroo, we’ll drive you to the hospital.”

He did as he was told and hopped in the vehicle, noticing Eddie following him.

----------------------------------

At the hospital, the doctor confirmed Hen’s suspicions of a concussion, telling him to take it easy and no work for a couple of days, much to Buck’s dismay. 

While they waited for the discharge papers, Buck rested his head against Eddie’s shoulder, eyes drooping, but he kept fighting off sleep. He was exhausted. His head and leg ached, and his body felt so tired. He couldn’t wait to sleep, but he wasn’t about to do it in a hospital, of all places.

Bobby entered the room, telling Buck his discharge papers were all set and he was free to go as long as someone monitored him tonight. Bobby volunteered to drop them off at Eddie’s house, and when Buck looked up confused, he explained that Eddie had volunteered to watch him.

Buck nodded, and together, they made their way out of the hospital to Bobby’s truck. He fell asleep not even five minutes into the car ride, and Eddie had to shake him awake so they could get inside.

“Where’s Chris?” Buck yawned while Eddie started flickering on the lights in the living room. 

“My abuela offered to take him for the night when I explained what happened. He’ll be back in the morning, though,” Eddie explained, and Buck nodded, starting to make his way over to the couch. As he was about to sit, a hand gripped his forearm, stopping him.

“Buck, let’s get you changed first. Then you can sleep.” Eddie spoke before dragging him to the bathroom, pushing him down on the toilet, and telling him to stay put while he got him some clothes. After he changed, he tried to go back to the living room to sleep on the couch, but Eddie once again gripped his arm. “Hold on there, cowboy. You’re coming with me.”

He starts to direct Buck to his room, and Buck tries to protest but is too tired to fight. Eddie gently pushed him towards his bed while he went to change into something more comfortable himself.

Buck made his way around to the side of the bed closest to the wall and got underneath the sheets. A few minutes later, Eddie joined him, coming bearing painkillers and heat for his leg. Buck’s heart squeezed at the gesture.

He watched Eddie put an alarm on his phone for a couple hours, presumably to check on him because of his concussion.

“You okay?” Eddie asked and Buck started to nod before realizing Eddie wouldn’t be able to see that.

“Yeah,” Buck whispered, “Sorry about my freak out at the call earlier.”

He felt Eddie move his hand around before finding his own under the sheets and squeezing one. “Buck, cariño, you don’t need to apologize, especially not to me. Sure, it was scary seeing you like that, but you had a panic attack; that is nothing to apologize for. With everything that’s happened to you, I’m not surprised that it happened, especially after tonight. That kind of experience would’ve been tough for anybody who’s experienced what you have,” Eddie insisted.

“Thank you,” Buck choked out. 

Then, at that moment, Buck decides to do something. Maybe it was the exhaustion kicking in, maybe it was the moment, or maybe it was how much he felt towards Eddie, but he couldn’t help but let one more secret out tonight.

“I’m in love with you,” Buck confessed, holding his breath for Eddie’s reaction. His heart started to beat out of his chest at the silence from his best friend. Waiting for his response felt like an eternity. 

Then he felt Eddie scoot closer to him on the bed and respond. “I’m in love with you, too,” Eddie proclaimed, squeezing his hands tighter.

“Really? You are?” Buck questioned, needing to ensure his brain wasn’t playing tricks on him.

“Yes, Evan. I love you.” Buck felt Eddie shift one of his hands closer to Buck’s face, cupping his cheek before giving him a chaste kiss on his lips. His lips felt tingly over the short kiss, but he was too tired to push for more.

“Now go to sleep, cariño. We’ll talk more in the morning,” Eddie said, pulling Buck closer into his arms until his head rested on his chest.

Buck smiled drowsily, his heart filled with warmth and contentment. He nestled closer to Eddie, feeling the steady rhythm of his heartbeat beneath his ear.

"Promise?" Buck murmured, his voice barely above a whisper.

"Promise," Eddie whispered back, his breath gentle against Buck's cheek. And with those whispered words, they drifted off to sleep, wrapped in each other's arms, knowing that tomorrow would bring new beginnings and endless possibilities.