Work Text:
For the lovely mort-ician. Merry Christmas, bae.
“Maybe when you’re old and senile I’ll close the restaurant
and come spring you from the nursing home.”
“What?”
“Sorry, I didn’t want to do it, but Gene and Tina put you in a nursing home, and not one of the nice ones either.”
“No, you said you’d be running the restaurant!”
“Oh no, I was just saying-“
“You’re taking over the family business!”
“Pfft, yeah right!
“Admit it! You look up to me!”
“No! Stop! You are ruining are perfect day right now!”
“Oh my God, am I your hero?”
“Ugh! Sick!”
-Carpe Museum
“Louise! Shouldn’t you be in 5th period?
Louise Belcher would know that annoying, grating, voice anywhere. She bent up from the water fountain she was trying to get a drink out of. “Just getting some water Frond, try not to have an aneurysm.”
Mr. Frond’s eyebrows furrowed. “Not funny Louise. I’ll have you know my mother had an aneurysm recently.”
“Well that’s no surprise knowing who her son is and all- “
“Louise!” he interrupted her train of insults. Louise responded by giving an exasperated sigh.
“Calm down Frond, I’ll go back to Pre- Cal in a second.”
“Actually, since you’re out here-
“No.”
“I think it’s time we sat down and talked about-‘’
“Don’t start.”
“College!”
“Son of a bitch.”
_
Four minutes later Louise sat in Mr. Frond’s office, looking around the room for something sharp she could use to stab her eye, or Mr. Frond’s, out. Unfortunately, her search came up short. Mr. Frond sat down in his brown leather chair and folded his hands on the desk. Louise mirrored his own movement, tapping her foot impatiently.
“Okay, Frond let’s just get this over with. You don’t want to be here, I don’t want to be here, so let’s just not have this conversation and say we did.” she made a motion to get out of her chair and pick up her book bag, but was stopped by an “ah ah ah,” from Mr. Frond.
“Louise.” Mr. Frond had that air of stupidity about him one could easily mistake for authority. Louise rolled her eyes. “How has your senior year been? Enjoying Pre-Calculus? Rudy says you’re a fantastic hall monitor by the way.”
Buttering me up? How low are we going to sink today Mr. Frond?
Louise decided that if he was going to push this college thing on her, she’d just push back. “Well, this year has sucked, Pre-Cal sucks, you suck, but being a hall monitor’s fun. Nothing like dress coding people and yelling at them for skipping class. Speaking of skipping class, I should probably get back to mine, I have a reputation to keep and all-”
“Sit back down.”
Louise rolled her eyes again, but did as she was told.
“Every senior has this interview, Louise. Your sister had it, your brother had it, Andy and Ollie had it, Rudy had it, and now you. You can only avoid this interview for so long.
“Hey, I did avoid it for six months, so I think I can avoid it some more, heh?”
Mr. Frond just shook his head. “Seriously Louise. It’s time to grow up. Do you even have any post-graduation plans? Or do you just plan to be a homeless criminal?”
As a matter of fact, Frond, I’ve only been working my ass off since junior year for my post-graduation plans, so you can take your counselor logic and shove it somewhere.
“No, I don’t have any post-graduation plans. I figured I’d just wing it, kind of like you did, except with a higher guarantee of a happy life. Who says I even need college?” Louise gave her best absentminded shrug to a very unamused Mr. Frond.
“Wow, just wow Louise. Tina went on to publish her first book at the age of 20. Even Gene has some success, working on- whatever show it was. Two successful siblings Louise. And you know how they did it?”
“Meditation?”
“No,” he went on, ignoring her sarcasm, “They went to college and they got degrees, well Tina did. And if those two could do it, then so can you. Or instead, you could just end up flipping burgers like your deadbeat father- “
In the blink of an eye, Louise stood up, her hands balled up in fists. “Hey Frond, the only deadbeat I know is the one currently attempting to give me some crappy advice like a suburban mom life coach!”
Mr. Frond visibly gulped, and Louise felt her fists unclenching. “C-c-calm down, Louise, you know I didn’t mean it t-that way.” He let out a nervous laugh.
“I’m not sure I did. Why don’t revisit that last part and make you wish you had let me go back to Pre-Cal?”
But Frond didn’t revisit that last part, he just took a deep breath and crossed his fingers. Louise crossed her arms and slowly sat back down. She didn’t take her eyes off the nervous guidance counselor as he swiveled around in his chair and pulled out a pamphlet from a filing cabinet.
Northeast Community College, it read it bright blue letters. Find yourself and your future! Louise wanted to vomit. “And why would I need this?” she asked.
Mr. Frond took a deep breath before continuing. “Just take a look at it, Louise, that’s all I’m asking. If it sparks some passion, then come see me again and we’ll set up a meeting with the dean. He’s a personal friend of mine.”
“Wow you actually have friends. That’s even more shocking than you thinking I could go to college.
“Go back to class, Ms. Belcher. We wouldn’t want to be truant, would we?”
Louise stood in the hallway for several minutes after Frond kicked her out, staring at the pamphlet the guidance counselor had given her. It seemed like a million pounds in her cold bony hands.
Every senior has this interview, Louise. Your sister had it, “
Tina was currently attending Columbia University on a full ride scholarship for creative writing. True to what Frond said, Tina’s writing had been published after only two years at the school.
"Your brother had it,”
Gene had just gotten a job, after dropping out of North East Community College, as a junior music producer for Cartoon Network.
"Andy and Ollie had it,”
The twins were set to attend Georgetown University, at least for the next two years, with financial aid from their father. They’d also been paid a huge check for letting some crack pot scientist with a theory about Twin ESP experiment on the two of them.
"Rudy had it,”
Rudy had told Louise that he’d be auditioning for Seymour’s School for Applied Arts’ drum line the following spring. Louise had heard Rudy play; she knew he’d nail that audition.
“And now you. You can only avoid this interview for so long.”
Where did that leave her? With both her siblings gone and her friends all leaving soon, what would she do?
The first thing she would do would get rid of this dumb pamphlet, Louise decided, tossing it in a nearby recycle bin. She leaned back against the wall and slid down onto her knees. After sitting there for a few seconds, she pulled her book bag into her a lap and fished around for something comforting.
She pulled out the familiar brochure, faded around the edges and tearing at the corners. How many times had she stared at it since she picked up junior year? She carried it everywhere, as a reminder that yes, she did have dreams, aspirations, plans, a future, etc.
Seymour’s School for the Culinary Arts: Freshman Resources and Financial Aid, Louise’s eyes read for the millionth time.Applications due by December of each yea.
Instead of going back to Pre-Cal, Louise opted to skip the rest of the period. She walked out the school’s side door and straight into the cold January air.
_
“I think your phone is ringing.” Rudy poked Louise in her stomach to try and get her attention, causing her to almost choke on the lollipop she had in her mouth.
A day after her forced meeting with Frond, Louise sat cross legged on a ledge leading to the stairs with a bag of lollipops and her hall monitor partners, red headed wall paper/ her sort of best friend Jessica, and Regular Size Rudy, who now at 6’1”, was not so regular sized anymore. The three of them, along with Andy and Olly, spent every lunch period on hallway patrol, harassing underclassmen for being late and girls for having holes in their jeans. It was better than sitting in the loud cafeteria and listening to Mr. Frond nag everybody over the microphone, which is why Louise signed up in the first place. Plus, they got free reign of the school, unlike everybody else who couldn’t leave the cafeteria without a lunch pass. Sometimes the five of them were in charge of collecting all the recyclables from the classrooms, but most days, like today, they picked a place to sit and just talk shop. Abuse of the orange vest, as Louise liked to call it.
“Geese Rudy!” Louise jumped, waving the green lollipop at him. “Warn a guy next time!”
Rudy, used to Louise’s quirks by this point, just shrugged. “Your phone was ringing and you didn’t answer- “
“You were too busy staring at the wall” added Jessica.
“Yeah,” Rudy nodded, “so I thought, huh I’ll just tell her.”
Louise nodded in response. “Thanks for looking out for me, but I’ll just listen to the voicemail, later.” She popped the lollipop back in her mouth and if as on cue, her cellphone rang again.
“It’s ringing again.” Rudy and Jess said at the same time.
“Ughhhh.” But she flipped up the phone and put it to her ear. “You’re on with Louise Belcher, you may speak.”
The voice on that responded was hyper and loud, causing Louise to reel back from the phone. “Louise! Hi baby!”
“Mom?” Jess and Rudy snickered and Louise sent the two a threatening look.
“Hi, baby! How are you?” Louise’s mother, Linda, practically shouted into the phone. Jess and Rudy laughed again.
“Uh… I’m in school. Aren’t you supposed to be at the airport?” she asked.
“Your father picked me up, he’s driving me home- say hi Bobby!” There was a slight shuffle and Louise heard the faint voice of her father saying hi. “No don’t go that way Bobby, that’s the toll road!”
“That’s not the toll road, Lin, the toll road was on the other side.” Louise heard he father say.
“Bob, aren’t we supposed to be taking seventh street? Cause we just missed the exit!”
“Lin, I know what I’m doing, the exit is up here- “
“It was back there, Bobby!”
“Oh my God.” Louise whispered, putting the lollipop back in her mouth. This would probably take a few minutes.
“What’s going on?” asked Jess as she yanked the wrapper off another cherry lollipop.
Louise shrugged. “I dunno, they’re arguing or something.”
“If we get lost it’s your fault Bobby!” her mom was yelling.
“Mom!” Louise shouted into the phone to try and get her mother’s attention again. “Mom, are you there?”
“I’m here, baby. Your father’s just being stubborn.”
“Are Tina and Jimmy Jr. with you?” she attempted to change the subject before she had to sit through another argument. Her mom got excited again.
“Nah, they’re in a fancy rental car Jimmy Pesto got them for the wedding.” Louise heard her father mutter something about Jimmy Pesto. Her mother continued. “You’re still going dress shopping with us right? Or are you pooping out on us like last time?” Louise caught Jessica mouthing “dress shopping” with her eyebrows up. She waved a hand, dismissing it.
“Sure Mom.”
“Tell her she has to work at the restaurant for the dinner rush tonight. She can’t skip out tonight.” She heard her father say. Her mom parroted his words back to her.
Louise bit her lip before replying. Finally, she went with, “Okay, tell him I’ll be there.”
“Dress shopping first though. Tina and I will pick you up after school. Andy and Ollie are coming with us too!”
“What- why are Andy and Ollie going dress shopping with – you know what, never mind.”
“Alrrrright! Dress shopping, here we come!” her mom shouted in the phone. “Talk to you later, baby! Say bye Bobby”
Her father just yelled “You’re working the dinner rush, Louise!” to which her mother responded “You’re on the friggin’ toll road, Bobby!”
“Okay, Mom! See you later!” Louise shut the phone and stuffed it back in her bag before her parents could yell anything else.
“So…” Jessica started. “Dress shopping, huh?”
“You know, Jess, there’s something called minding your business, it’s pretty new on the market, but I think it’s a good investment.” Jessica just laughed and waved her lollipop around.
“Why are you going dress shopping, Louise?” asked Rudy.
Louise sighed. “Oh right, I didn’t tell you. So you know my sister got engaged right?” Jessica and Rudy nodded. “Well, the weddings in two weeks so Mom flew to up to go pick her and her fiancé up and now that they’re here we have to get everything ready for the ceremony and reception, blah blah blah. But Tina made me the maid of honor, so apparently I get a special dress.”
“Two weeks?” Rudy asked. “We were supposed to go to Mud Races with Daryl. Except for Daryl said he couldn’t and now you can’t… so I guess more Mud Races for Rudy.” His face fell. In the chaos of Tina and Jimmy Jr’s wedding, Louise had forgotten all about going with Rudy to the races. Looking at his face, her stomach soured.
“I gotta a better idea, Stieblitz.” Louise said, “lightly” punching his shoulder. “Why don’t you come to the wedding. You can be my plus one.”
“Really?” Rudy’s face lit back up, and the acidity levels in Louise’s stomach went back to normal.
“It’ll be pretty boring. Definitely won’t be as fun as the Mud Races, but Jimmy Jr and Tina are performing the final dance from Dirty Dancing, so there’s that.” she shrugged.
Jessica made a noise like she was choking on her lollipop. “Oh my god, please film that.”
Louise nodded, pointing her own lollipop at her friend. “Oh yeah, going all over YouTube, sweets” The two fist pumped before Louise asked Jessica if she wanted to come too.
“Nah, my mom’s boyfriend got her tickets to Peter Pan so I’m going to blackmail her into taking me instead. Looks like it’ll be just you two then, wink, wink.” And then she winked twice.
“Shut up, Jess!” Louise shouted, throwing her lollipop at her.
“Missed me!” Jessica taunted, and proceeded to throw her own lollipop at Louise, but it landed in a blushing Rudy’s hair.
The three spent the rest of lunch throwing lollipops at each other until Mr. Frond came out from the cafeteria and yelled at them to stop. But Louise missed his lecture, because her cellphone after it buzzed again.
You remember our agreement? The text read.
Her fingers typed out a quick response.
Change of plans, Fish. Meet you later.
_
After picking Linda, Tina and her fiancé, Jimmy Jr, from the airport and then getting lost on the toll road, Bob managed to get back to the restaurant alive. He fired up the grill for the lunch break and soon Teddy, a contractor and a kind of surrogate uncle to the Belcher family, and Mort, their neighbor and the town mortician, sat at the counter talking to Tina and Linda.
“So Tina, how’s the wedding coming along?” Teddy asked in between bites of fries.
“It’s going really well, Teddy, thank you for asking.” replied Tina.
“It sounds magical,” Teddy told the bride to be. “I wish I could’ve gotten married, see the love of my life walk down the aisle, flowers adorning everything, doves released- I’m tearing up here guys. Mort hand me a napkin.”
“Teddy, it’s not that big of a deal, it’s just a wedding. And we aren’t releasing doves- we can’t afford that, even with Jimmy Pesto’s help.” Bob said from behind the counter, his mouth twisting into a frown when he said his rival’s name. Linda just sighed and poured Mort a refill for his coffee.
“Did you ever pick out a theme?” asked the mortician.
Tina nodded, but Bob answered for her, rolling his eyes. “Romeo and Juliet.”
“Oh that is magical!” Teddy cried out.
“I don’t see how it is, actually. Six people die in that play, Teddy, including Romeo and Juliet.” Bob said bitterly.
“Sounds like my kind of party!” Mort interjected, laughing at his morbid own joke.
Linda jumped in before Bob could say anything else. “Oh don’t mind him, Teddy. Bob’s just being a boob punch because he’s grumpy about having to share catering duties with Jimmy Pesto.” Linda explained to the two men that in the early stages of wedding planning Bob and Jimmy Pesto had an argument over which restaurant would cater and host the reception. When neither could come to a compromise, Linda set her foot down and made a compromise for them: both Bobby and Jimmy would cater and neither restaurant would host. She called Mr. Fischoeder later and arranged a reception at the Wharf Arts Center.
“Huh,” Teddy said, no longer crying. “Now I see why you picked Romeo and Juliet.” Tina nodded in response. Bob rolled his eyes again.
“Yeah it makes sense,” Mort added. “Two kids from two restaurants that hate each other fall in love. It’s a perfect fit!”
“Yeah. Except without the death part… hopefully” responded Tina.
Tina talked wedding with Mort and Teddy for the rest of the lunch break, Bob intercepting every once in a while with bitter commentary. Jimmy Jr later picked up Tina, who promised to meet up with Linda later to go dress shopping with her, Louise, and the twins.
“I still don’t see why you’re taking Louise dress shopping.” Bob told his wife after Tina left.
“I’m trying to include her, Bob. I’m worried about her.” Linda said as she wiped down the counter. “I got a call from Mr. Frond the other night, he says she still hasn’t made any plans for college.”
“And you’re taking Mr. Frond’s word for it?”
“It’s not just that, Bobby. Why is she skipping so many nights at the restaurant? What if she’s doing drugs, Bobby, or getting drunk with strange men, Bobby? What then?”
“Calm down, Lin” Bob raised his arms up to calm his frantic wife. “Louise isn’t the type to do drugs or go to parties, she too ulterior motive for any of that. But I’m worried about her too, it’s not like her to skip so many shifts.”
Out of the corner of his eye, Bob saw Mort and Teddy exchange a nervous look. Bob dropped his arms and turned to his regulars. “What was that for?”
“What was what for?” said Teddy and Mort at the same time.
“That look.” Bob said. “You exchanged a look, you don’t normally exchange looks.”
“What are you talking about?” Mort asked, his voice an octave higher than usual. “We always exchange looks…like that-‘’
“Louise made us keep it a secret!” Teddy blurted. He immediately covered his mouth once he shouted, umphing when Mort kicked him under the table.
Now it was Linda and Bob’s turn to be in sync. “She made you keep what a secret?” they yelled together. But Teddy kept his hands over his mouth and Mort just asked for his check.
“Fine.” Bob threw his hands up in the air again. “Don’t tell us whatever important secret our daughter is making you keep.” He turned to Linda. “Maybe you can get her to tell you at the dress shop.”
“That’s the plan.” Linda shrugged.
“You two wanna say anything?” Bob asked his regulars. Teddy mumbled something under his hands.
“Oh my god.”
_
“So the dresses aren’t going to be Shakespearean or anything like that?” Louise asked as they walked into the store, 27 dresses.
“No, don’t worry.” Tina was saying. “We vetoed that idea after Jimmy Jr realized he couldn’t really dance in male Shakespearean attire.”
Tina and Linda picked up Louise straight after school and drove her, along with an ecstatic Andy and Ollie, who had come on the trip for their tuxedo fitting and to keep Louise there, to the pier where the four had boarded the ferry and headed toward King’s Head Island. Once at the dress shop, two seamstresses rushed Tina to the back of the store, several others swept away the twins, and Linda dragged a very sarcastic Louise to the bridesmaid rack.
In a classic Belcher fashion, the first thing Louise checked on the dresses were their price tags. “Mom, these dresses are like 2000 dollars apiece.” Louise said. Not to mention they looked like they belonged on dolls- or in the trash. “I know it’s a special occasion but I didn’t know Dad was selling his kidney.”
“Like your father would let someone operate on him voluntarily! Remember what happened when he had his appendix removed?” Linda threw her head back and cackled, but after a moment of looking through the rack, she bit her lip. “Yeah, guess that’s what you get for shopping on the island where everyone’s born sucking on a silver spoon. Let’s check the clearance rack.”
The clearance rack may have been cheaper, but the dresses weren’t any better.
“Oooh what about this one?” Linda held up a pink ball gown, every inch of the dress bedazzled. Louise held up her hand to block out the light the dress reflected.
“Sure Mom, then we can sign me up for the King’s Head Island Beauty Pageant.”
“Don’t give me any ideas, missy! What about this one? It’s a high low!” she sung.
This dress was an ugly beige color that reminded Louise of a doctor’s office. In the middle of where the sweetheart neckline met was a brooch that looked more like a giant insect. The dress was also too long- Louise had her last growth spurt when she was 15, topping off at 5’1’’. This dress looked like it was for someone closer to 7’1’’.
“Yeah, I’ll make sure to grow three feet before the wedding to go along with my new terrible taste.”
Linda huffed, but put the dress on the rack.
And this is how the next 60 minutes went. Linda went through every dress on the clearance rack, said what she loved about it, and Louise would shoot it down with some dry comment. The two hadn’t seen Tina or the twins since they had come in the store, and Louise let her mind wander to what they might be doing.
It has to be better than this.
Her feet where starting to hurt and her mom was nearing the end of the dress rack, the rejects piling up on a chair next to the dressing rooms. “Louise, we’ve been here for a friggin’ hour. Can you at least try this one on?” Linda asked, her shoulders sagging as she waved the newest ugly pick in front of her daughter’s face.
“Maybe if you pay me twenty bucks.” Louise slumped down in a chair next to the reject pile. “Face it Mom, this is a lost cause. Just let me wear this to the wedding!” She gestured to her current ensemble, but her Mom shook her head.
“Uh, uh Louise! No way I’m letting wear yoga pants and a black t-shirt, to your sister’s wedding!”
“Wear what to your sister’s wedding?”
“Is it a monkey suit? Ollie can lend you his!”
It was the twins, coming up from behind another rack, wearing matching tuxedos. Andy and Ollie Pesto, now seventeen, were just as odd and eccentric and protective of each other as Louise had always remembered them. Teachers and other adults had given up on separating them and telling both to grow up a while ago. They still looked like reflections of each other and Louise had given up on trying to tell them apart, everyone once in while just calling them “Allie.”
“You look adorable!” Linda yelled, and couple other store patrons sent judgmental looks in their direction. She waved them off with a fart noise. “My little twin bachelors! I love it!” She cackled again.
“Thanks!” Ollie said. “The seamstress said we were like two zits she couldn’t get rid of!”
“Have you found a dress, Louise?” Andy asked, eyeing the pile of dresses Linda had piled on the chair next to Louise’s.
“Yeah about 47 of ‘em and all 47 were crap!” Louise waved her hands at the dresses.
“What about this one?” Andy walked over to a rack of dresses, and picked one out.
“Oooh, it’s gorgeous!” shouted Linda. The store patrons eyed them again.
“It’s not terrible.” Louise said.
It wasn’t. In fact, it was the most okay one she’d seen on the whole trip. The dress was a dark green, darker than the one she used to wear, but nothing gross like olive or mint. It hung off the shoulder with a row of subtle flowers that weren’t garnish or bedazzled. Most importantly, the dress was short. It looked like it only would come down to the knees, maybe even not that far.
“Try it on!” her mom begged, followed by a chorus of “yeah, try it on!” from the twins.
“Nags.” She griped, but with a shadow of a smile on her face. Taking the dress from her Andy, she stepped into the dressing room, regarding her reflection in the mirror. In the 8th grade, Louise had officially hung up her bunny ears, a move that had shocked everyone. She had thought it might have shut the comments about how “Louise was the Belcher child who wasn’t growing up” but it hadn’t, so a year later, she gave up her pigtails, opting to wear her long black hair in a clip instead. Her light green dress shirt had gone a several months after that, replaced by yoga pants and regular shirts she bought at resale shops. Holding this dress up to herself, she was suddenly nine again, not being rushed into college by Frond and all her teachers, not being pestered by her parents for skipping shifts, not being abandoned by her siblings and friends.
This could work.
“Louise? Are you putting it on?” yelled her mom, breaking the spell.
“Yeah, Mom!” she called back. She heard the twins and her mom start to make small talk as she took the dress off its hanger and unclipped her hair.
“So Andy, Ollie, you bringing anybody to the Wedding?”
“Actually we are!” Louise thought that was probably Ollie. “We met another pair of twins on Tinder!”
“Jordan and Morgan!” Wait, was that one Ollie?
Her mother fawned. “Oh, so romantic! Can’t wait to meet ‘em!”
“We heard Louise got a date too!”
Shit, shit! Abort, Allie, abort!
“What?!?!?” her mom practically screamed. “Who are you bringing, baby? They better be good enough for you! Or I’m gonna- I’m gonna- “
“Calm down, Mom!” Louise shouted from the dressing room. “It’s just Rudy.”
There was a moment of silence before she heard her mother fawn again. “Ooooooh! Rudy and Louise sitting in a tree! K-I-S-S- “
“IF YOU WANT ME TO COME OUT OF THIS DRESSING ROOM YOU’LL STOP RIGHT NOW!”
That got them to shut up- albeit for two seconds. “So, Rudy, huh? Anything going on between you two?” Linda pried.
“No!” Louise said a little too quickly. “I mean, a month ago we all made plans, but I had forgotten about the wedding and he needed something to do! End of story!”
“End of what story?” Great, now even Tina was here.
Thankfully, that meant a change in the subject. Her mom gasped. “Oh my…. Tina! You like so beautiful baby, oh god, must have something in my eye.”
“Thanks Mom. The seamstress said all the adjustments have been made, and I’m good to go.” Tina said. “What story did I miss?
“Louise got a date!” shouted Andy.
“With Rudy!” Ollie chimed in.
“Oooh, Louise with Rudy. To be honest, Gene and I called this like three years ago.”
Louise didn’t hear of any of them. She had finally zipped up the dress, which is a lot harder to do by yourself, and was currently staring at herself in the mirror. Louise didn’t like to use the word perfect, but she had to admit, the dress looked pretty damn good.
“Louise!” yelled Linda. “Get out here!”
Louise huffed. “Alright! But they’re better not be any cameras!”
“Andy, Ollie, do a drum roll!” her mother clapped.
Louise would’ve looked a lot more suave stepping out if she hadn’t tripped on her way out of the dressing room. She sent Andy and Ollie a threatening response in response to their chorus of oooh’s and aaahs.
“It looks so beautiful, baby! All my pretty girls, allllright!”
“Wow, Louise, you look really good.” Tina said. Louise finally got a real glance at her older sister in her wedding dress. Louise’s dress paled in comparison to Tina’s. It was ball gown and so white Louise felt the need to shield her eyes. Lace covered the skirt and the bust, as well as covering the top of her chest, ending in little sleeves.
“Wow, yourself T!” Louise gestured to Tina’s dress. “You look pretty damn amazing!”
Tina’s face lit up and Louise praised herself internally.
B est Maid of Honor ever.
Linda was crying loudly. “Mom!” Louise yelled, smiling. “Pull yourself together! Don’t make me come over there and slap you!”
“I’m sorry! It’s just I’ve always dreamed of this day. My girls all grown up.” She bawled and blew her nose into her sleeve.
Tina broke the awkward atmosphere. “I should probably go change so the seamstresses can bag the dress.” Louise and the twins nodded, and Tina left the dressing room area, the train of her wedding dress flowing behind her.
“My teeny Tina, all grown up.” Her mom sniffed a few more times. “You know, Louise, Tina’s had a lot of success in life.”
“And?” Louise asked, spinning in front of a mirror.
“Well it’s just that, Tina got to where she was because she talked to people. She talked to me, and your father, and she told us everything! If she was having trouble in school or with boys or doing drugs, well she never did drugs, but even if she did she would’ve told us!”
“Where are you going with this?” asked Louise. She didn’t bother to turn around.
Linda took a deep breath. “I’m just saying, that if something were going on, you could talk to us about. Your father and I are here to help you Louise, okay baby?”
“Um, okay.”
“So if there’s any reason you’re skipping shifts, you can tell us-“
“And scene!” yelled Louise as she turned away from the mirror at light speed. She grabbed Andy and Ollie by their tuxedo jackets and started dragging them away. “I’ve decided I’m going to buy the dress! Andy, Ollie, why don’t you come with me to the front of the store? I’ll just grab your purse, Mom, if that’s okay and go pay for the dress! Woo! this was one successful shopping trip, thank you everybody!”
Linda sighed loudly, taking Louise’s seat. “Huh, I really thought that would work.”
Meanwhile Louise was biting her lip looking for her mother’s credit card in her mess of a purse whilst standing in front of a very annoyed cashier.
“Louise, you’re still wearing the dress!” Andy tapped her on the shoulder and Ollie followed his example.
Louise waved them off. “Thank you Captain Obvious, maybe you should join the Republican debate next week!” The cashier tapped her fingers. “Found it! I’m still wearing the dress, is that fine, cause it’s going to have to be!”
After convincing the cashier to ring up the dress even though it was still on her body, she sent Andy and Ollie back to dressing rooms to grab her clothes.
“I’ll just change in the trunk!” she told them, sending them away.
She met up with Tina after paying, and later Andy, Ollie, and her Mom came to the front, who she couldn’t look at. The ferry and car rides, where quiet, with the exception of Louise changing in the trunk.
Linda thought about bringing it up again, but when Louise put on an apron for the dinner rush when they got home, she decided to drop it. She could trust Louise, and she was beginning to see just how much it hurt her that no one else really did.
_
About a week from the wedding, it was getting hard to breath in the apartment. Gene had come home a couple of days after their shopping trip, bringing his boyfriend and Tina was back in her old bedroom. Her Grandparents Al and Gloria had come to stay with them, much to her father’s chagrin, as well as Louise’s other grandfather, and her mom’s sister Gayle (even though she lived in the same town), much to her father’s chagrin as well. The Pesto’s apartment must’ve been getting too crowded because Andy and Ollie Pesto were now camping out in Louise’s bedroom. Louise was thankful to be in school most of the day while her parents hid out in the restaurant. She didn’t think any of them could take any more of Gene “composing” until midnight, her Grandmother screaming “ALLLLL”, Aunt Gayle arguing with Linda, and Bob arguing with his own Dad. Louise had given up sleeping there the first night, with the music, everybody fighting, and Andy and Ollie talking- to each other- in their sleep. She’d spent the last few nights at Jessica’s house and every other waking moment either in school or running around town, working on her big secret. She’d only be at the restaurant for a few minutes after to school to wait for Mike the Mailman and his daily delivery.
But this afternoon, Louise had gone straight from school to the roof of Mr. Fischoeder’s house to fix the broken shingles he was too cheap to have a service replace. While hammering the broken pieces, she thought back to her parents who were probably working the dinner rush, either worried because Louise was skipping another shift or annoyed because there was now twelve people taking up space in their three-bedroom apartment, even with Tina making herself scarce to be with Jimmy Jr.
At first, Louise hadn’t the faintest idea what Tina saw in Jimmy Jr. Not when they were 13, not when they were 18, and just barely could she see it now.
Maybe it was because she didn’t understand men, or she was super protective of her older sister (which were both true) but in her mind, for the longest time Jimmy Jr had been really mean to Tina. She’d gobbled and gobbled and continuously embarrassed herself for some slight indication the Jimmy Jr noticed her, and made herself look like a fool every single time. Jimmy Jr was content just to string her along while Tammy, Zeke, and Jocelyn treated her like dog poop they found on the bottom of their shoes. As long as Tina was the one vying for Jimmy Jr’s affection, Jimmy Jr wouldn’t give her the satisfaction.
But something changed once Tina and Jimmy Jr entered their freshmen year of high school. Tina joined a Creative Writing club the second week of school, and the nerds and dweebs that also wrote Erotic Fanfiction had accepted almost the second she walked in the door. Tina had a whole new group of friends; girls who wouldn’t blackmail her over petty things and boys who were willing to talk to her on a daily basis. She stopped vying for Jimmy Jr’s affection altogether.
Jimmy Jr, on the other hand, quickly realized that the shoe was on the other foot. The second Tina didn’t need him anymore was the second he suddenly needed her. Once again he had asked for help from Louise and Gene to get their sister back, but this time Louise and Gene shot him down. No amount of money and bribery would make up for the fact that once Jimmy Jr had Tina back, he’d just do the same thing. But Jimmy Jr. wouldn’t take no for an answer, and spent the next two years trying to get Tina back. It was Junior year that Tina actually sat him down and told him “If you want me back so badly, then maybe you should think about treating me better.” Louise remembered that particularly well, because she and Gene were there that day. Louise had yelled “Ooooooh!” and Gene had played an air horn noise on his keyboard. This kick in the teeth had been what Jimmy Jr didn’t want to, but needed to here, because after that he started to make a genuine effort. He’d offer Tina rides to school, help her study with Latin, walk with her to class and one time missed Zeke’s wrestling match to go to an award ceremony Tina’s writing was being honored at. All this had paid off, because by the time Senior Prom had rolled around, Tina was the one who asked Jimmy Jr. to be her date. Jimmy Jr. had said yes, and the two had started going out shortly after that. They stayed in touch when they went off to college and later moved in together after Tina’s first book, a modern retelling of Romeo and Juliet no less, was published.
Louise wasn’t very shocked when Tina called home one night to tell her parents that she and Jimmy Jr were engaged. She just didn’t register that their engagement meant planning an entire wedding, a reception, parties, registries, and a bunch of people stuffed in her own house so much so that it would force her out. In the midst of it all, Louise’s letter had come too. She was just glad that she had been at the restaurant when Mike had come to beat her mother and father to the stack of bills and advertisements their mailman came with.
Louise hadn’t seen her mom or dad since snatching the letter of Mike’s hands and running out the door before anybody could ask any questions, because she wasn’t sure how to answer them. She wasn’t sure to explain any of it either, she just figured she’d come clean about all of it once Tina’s wedding was over and every other extended family member had left.
Back in the moment she wiped the sweat off her forehead, satisfied with the job she’d done of Fischoeder’s crumbling roof. It was getting late and she knew that Rudy should be there soon to give her a ride back to Jessica’s. She climbed down the ladder to see Fischoeder standing of his porch smoking a cigar. He pulled it out of his mouth as Louise shouldered her bag and held out her hand.
“Okay, roof’s finished, Fish.” She told him. She spotted Rudy’s car pulling up to the curb out of the corner of her eye. “Shouldn’t have any more leaks. Now pay up.”
He breathed out a puff of smoke before reaching in his pocket and pulling out a checkbook. “One hundred dollars.”
“A hundred dollars?” she griped, snatching the bill out his hand. “Our deal was two hundred!”
“Consider this a down payment, Ms. Belcher.” Mr. Fischoeder said, putting the cigar back in his mouth. “If the roof leaks, I’ll have you come back and you can earn the other half.”
“And if it doesn’t?”
“Then you can earn the other half elsewhere. Perhaps setting up for your sister’s reception this weekend? I’d hire a service but child labor is just so much cheaper.” Louise coughed when he breathed out smoke again.
“I turned 18 a few weeks ago, old man. It isn’t child labor anymore.”
“Oh, well that is a shame” he shrugged. “Speaking of adulthood, did you receive any word from that school of yours?”
She nodded. “Yes. I’m getting out of this crummy old town!” Louise turned on her heel after stuffing the bill in her bag and walked down the steps of his house.
“The school is only a few miles from here, Ms. Belcher.”
“Whatever! Thanks for the money, Fish!” she called back, hopping into Rudy’s car.
Only a few more jobs. She told herself. Rudy was asking how it had gone.
And then you should have enough.
_
On Saturday morning, Jessica drove Louise from her house back to the apartment, and the minute she walked in the door of the restaurant, Linda swept her up the stairs and into her parent’s bedroom where Tina, Gene, and Gretchen were talking. Even though Louise protested that she could’ve just as easily gotten ready at Jessica’s, Linda wanted Louise, Tina, and her to all get ready together and she had arranged for Gretchen to give all the girls makeovers. Louise wasn’t sure what Gene was doing there and when she asked all she got was “The rest of the bachelor party’s getting ready at Jimmy Jr’s and I don’t have to tell you that I don’t want to be a part of that sausage fest!”
Tina was first. Louise sat on the bed while Gretchen and Linda fought over eyeshadow colors and Gene braided little blue flowers into Tina’s hair. In the end, Tina looked fantastic, and thankfully, not like a whore. Louise was slightly concerned of what Gretchen’s makeovers might amount too. The words “bathroom clowns!” came to mind.
When Tina left to go put her dress on, Linda dragged Louise to the chair in front of the vanity. Louise conceded that in exchange for no makeup, Gretchen could curl her hair, who had to yell “Don’t move” at her every four minutes.
“One time I did this for Britney Spears. Don’t move!” Gretchen was saying.
“Huh?” Louise raised an eyebrow and tried to turn around to look at stylist. Gretchen grabbed the top of her head and turned it back with the force of a gorilla.
“Don’t move! Yeah, my ex-husband was cheating on me with one of her backup dancers.”
Next came the shoe battle, but it didn’t last very long.
“I’m not wearing heels, Mom!” she said, pushing away the pair her mother was holding out.
All Linda had to say was “Rudy’s 6’1”, baby” and Louise grabbed the shoes at of her hands.
While Louise was in their bathroom changing into her dress she heard her father knock on the door. “Is everybody decent? Can I come in?”
“No Bobby! You can’t come in and see us, it’s bad luck!” her mom called back.
“That’s only for the bride, Lin. The groom can’t see the bride or it’s bad luck. I’m coming in.”
Her father had come in to announce that it was past time to go. He had both sets of Grandparents and Gayle in the van they’d rented for chauffeuring (they couldn’t afford a limo like Linda wanted) and had come to corral the rest. It took another half an hour to do so; Gretchen wasn’t finished with Linda’s makeup or hair, Gene lost a shoe and misplaced a part of his DJ equipment, Gayle fainted, and Louise had to run up back to the apartment because she forgot her bag. All of them were shocked they made it to the church on time.
Next thing Louise knew, the ceremony had begun and she and Zeke were being sent arm in arm through the chapel doors to take their place in the procession.
Zeke was gulping. “I’m so nervous. What if I trip?” he whispered to her.
“If you trip, then you’ll take me down with you, and I’ll make sure your death looks like an accident.”
She looked over the congregation as she walked down the aisle. The whole town had shown up. She saw Mr. Fischoeder and his brother, Mort and his mom, Teddy, Mr. Frond (gross), Mr. Ambrose, Mickey, Cynthia and Logan of all people, grumpy old Edith and her husband, Daryl, Courtney Wheeler, Bob’s transvestite prostitute friends, Marshmallow, Sergeant Bosco, the Speedo Guy whose name no one knew, Tammy, Jocelyn, Randy the documentarian that hated her father, Mike the mailman, that divorced famous couple whose show Linda had ruined, and whole bunch more. Louise spotted Rudy in the crowd, only because he was taller than everybody and stuck out like a red sore thumb, not because she was specifically looking for him. He smiled wildly when he saw her and waved. She gave a little wave back; which Mikey must’ve thought was for him because he waved back. Louise and Zeke split once they reached the alter, Louise putting an ungodly amount of focus on climbing the stairs without tripping on her two inch heels. She took her place next Tina’s other bridesmaids, all college friends, and waited for Tina to enter. Jimmy Jr was shifting from one foot to the next and Andy was poking Ollie in the stomach.
The chapel doors opened again and there was a chorus of “Oh my’s” and “Ahh’s” once Tina entered on their father’s arm. Louise caught sight of Jimmy Jr’s face when he caught sight of his future wife. He lit up, and the smile that once was half metal now occupied the bottom half of his face. Louise heard her mother start crying as Bob lifted her veil, kissed her forehead, and gave her away.
“You better take care of her, Pesto.” He whispered as Tina took Jimmy Jr’s hand. Louise nodded in agreement. After he took his seat next to a sniffling Linda, the priest began.
As the priest babbled on and on for at least twenty minutes, Louise’s sentiment started to change. The church was getting hot and her dress was beginning to chafe under her arm. With her mood on the verge of souring, she caught another glimpse of Rudy in the congregation, who smiled and gave her a thumbs up. He laughed silently when Louise rolled her eyes in the direction of the priest. Finally, (Louise was starting to melt) the Priest asked for the rings. Tina’s vows, those of a published writer, were poetic and sophisticated, but Louise had rip her eyes away when Jimmy Jr. started dancing to his vows.
The words “You may kiss the bride!” made it all official and Tina dipped her new husband to kiss him. Louise let her shoulders sag, Gene on the opposite side of her nodding in agreement.
There was clapping, whooping, whistling, tears, and several “it’s about time’s” and then Linda was standing up on a church pew, her hand on her husband’s shoulder for support. “Okay everybody, thank you all for coming!” she shouted. Several people continued talking. “HEY MICKEY! SHUT UP! Thank you. Okay, everybody we’ll see you all for the reception in two hours. Two hours okay! Allllright!
Rudy found Louise outside the church. “What am I supposed to do for two hours?” he asked her.
“Go home.” She told him, shouldering her black bag. “We gotta take pictures and you don’t want to wait around for that. I’ll pick you up for the reception, okay?”
“But you hate driving, Louise.” Rudy reminded her. It was true. Despite having her license, Louise was terrified of driving. She just didn’t like it.
“I’ll power through it.” She said. Her mom was calling for her. “See you in two hours, Stieblitz.” Without thinking, and very uncharacteristically, she stood up on her tiptoes and kissed his cheek. Then she turned around and ran back to where the Wedding party was gathering.
Pictures took two hours too long. There were multiple photos of Tina and Jimmy Jr together, Tina by herself, just Jimmy Jr., the bachelor party with the groom, the bachelor party sans the groom, the bachelorette party with and without Tina, the Belcher family extended, the Belcher family immediate, just Tina, Gene and Louise, the Pesto family, the twins and Jimmy Jr., Linda and Bob, the whole wedding party together, etc. By the time they were done, all Louise could see was the impression of the camera’s flash everywhere she looked. She did ask her mom for copies of the one with her and her siblings and the one of just her and Tina. Then it was time to pile in the van to drive down the Wharf Arts center for the reception, Gene and his boyfriend chanting “War Farts!” the entire ride. Once she entered, Louise took a moment to take in the decorations Fischoeder had her spending Friday afternoon laboring over. The walls of the ballroom were covered with gold and silver drapes. There was a designated dance floor at the end of the room and area of round tables covered in gold table cloths adorned by blue and yellow flower centerpieces along with pictures of the newlyweds and quotes from Romeo and Juliet. There was a long rectangular table at the front near the stage for the wedding party and family. Gene was sent up to the stage to set the DJ equipment and the rest of the wedding party was ushered to a back room where they could keep their belongings. Louise threw her bag on a chair, grabbed her new brother-in-law’s car keys, and was out the door before her parents could stop her.
_
“Where. Is. Louise!?!” Linda was screaming. Bob was following her, trying to keep up with her running.
“Calm down, Lin. She’s probably… in the bathroom.” Guests were eyeing them and he waved them off.
Linda whirled on him. “For half an hour? I thought we established that she wasn’t doing drugs!”
“Well, she might be.” Bob laughed.
“Bobby!”
After this outburst, Bob ushered his frantic wife into the back room. He was a little worried too; he had wanted to do the toast twenty minutes ago, but Tina had requested they wait to start dinner until Louise was found. “When was the last time you saw her?”
“When we came in, Bobby. She put her stuff and poof!” she made an exploding motion with her hands.
“I think she went to go get Rudy.” Bob told Linda. “Try calling her.”
“I already tried that!”
“Well try again, Lin!”
Linda frowned and grumbled something under her breath, but took her phone out of her purse. A few seconds passed, before the heard the familiar sound of Boyz 4 Now coming from a black book bag on a nearby chair.
“Isn’t that her bag?” Bob asked, pointing to the chair.
Linda lifted the bag. “It is! She left her friggin phone here!” Linda dug around for a few minutes, pulled the phone out, and handed Bob the bag. “Louise!” she yelled into the phone. Bob just shook his head.
He took a peak in the black book bag. “Hmm? What’s that?”
“What’s what?” Linda asked, still shaking her daughter’s phone.
Bob pulled out a solid white envelope. “This. It says Seymour’s School for the Culinary Arts. And it’s addressed to Louise.”
“Seymour’s School? Isn’t that the trade school down the highway?” Linda asked. “Why would it be addressed to Louise? She told us she didn’t even talk to any schools. Even after all those emails. Should we open it?”
“I dunno.” Bob said. “I don’t think it’s smart to open something of Louise’s, even though it looks like it’s been opened before.”
“Open it, Bobby!” Linda clapped.
“Okay, okay.” Linda continued clapping while Bob opened the letter with the precision of a surgeon. “Oh my God, Lin, look at this.” Linda looked over his shoulder and read the letter out loud.
“Dear Louise Paige Belcher,
On behalf of the Seymour community, we are pleased to inform you that you have been selected for admission to Seymour’s School for the Culinary Arts beginning in the 2016-2017 academic year. Your admission to Seymour’s is evidence of our confidence in your abilities, as well as recognition of your academic achievements and your unique skill sets along with your previous experience in the culinary environment.
Seymour’s School for the Culinary Arts is a leading culinary school, and one of the top trade schools on the east coast. We’re committed to giving you the very best experience in a genuine restaurant environment with the best professors and professional cooks.
Final evaluations should be mailed within two weeks of admission. Please arrange for your final arrangement of your last transcripts of academic and personal work, which would include your final grades for this current semester to be sent us for evaluation.
Attached is your Intent to Register form, as well as your Housing and Meal Plan Application. Please complete and return both forms no later than May 1st. Please also review your Financial Aid Report for any mistakes or misinformation.
We can’t wait to see you at Freshmen Day this March 21st! You will receive a formal invitation in the upcoming weeks. Again, congratulations on your admission, and best wishes from us at Seymour’s School for Culinary Arts!”
Bob was silent for a few minutes after Linda finished reading. Even with everything he knew about his youngest daughter, this admissions letter came straight out of left field. Tina had always been destined for writing, Gene, well Bob wouldn’t exactly call him a prodigy, but he was a talented musician. But Louise hadn’t really found a niche, one that wasn’t conning people or sarcastic comebacks. She had alluded to staying with the restaurant a few times prior, but Bob had never thought she go through with it.
“Oh my God, Bobby! Look at her Financial Aid Report. It says she qualifies for a 900-hundred-dollar scholarship based on fourteen years of restaurant experience and another 400 for her grades. Holy crap!”
“I can’t believe it. I had no idea she wanted to be a cook.” Bob whispered, his voice on the edge of breaking.
“I can’t believe she didn’t tell us she actually applied somewhere, that little sneak! And that she got in! I wonder if this was what that thing on Thursday was all about.”
Bob just stood silently. Louise was taking after him? He blinked a few times to get rid of the tears coming to his eyes. He was interrupted when Gene came bursting in followed by a panting Louise and a wheezing Rudy. Linda yanked the letter out his hands and shoved it back into Louise bag in the blink of an eye before she could see.
“Found her!” Gene yelled. Louise was handing Rudy his inhaler.
“Sorry.” She panted. “There was a lot of traffic.”
Rudy nodded and added after a few pumps of his inhaler. “And that’s the last time I ever let you drive.”
All Linda and Bob could do was stare at their youngest daughter.
“What?” asked Louise with her eyebrows raised. “Did somebody die?”
With that, Bob and Linda followed Louise, Rudy and Gene out the door to the front of the hall.
_
Dinner was chaotic, and not because of the noise or music or extreme amount of food and alcohol. Gene let his boyfriend take over the music, so everybody had to talk over each other and repeat everything twice to be heard. Both burgers and Italian cuisine were served, and most guest either ate one or the other which called for serious whining from both restaurant owners. Andy and Ollie started throwing pieces of spaghetti at each other and their dates, Tinder’s Jordan and Morgan, and Louise and Rudy joined in until Jimmy Jr. yelled at all of them. Louise asked her dad if she could try some Champaign, but he just narrowed his eyes and Linda shot her down with a heavy no as she poured herself another glass. Jimmy Sr. stood up and gave his toast about thirty minutes in, and it was alright in Louise’s book. Next it was Bob’s turn, and he stood up, taking the mic from his new in-law.
“Thanks, Jimmy.” Bob burped and wobbled a little. “Wow, the Champaign sure is strong. Might be a little tipsy here.”
That earned him a few laughs and an “amen” from Mort. “Thanks Mort. Speaking of Champaign, how about another toast?” He lifted his glass up and Tina, jokingly Louise hoped, took the glasses off her face and lifted them up. “Very funny, T. Tina, my oldest daughter, everybody. I remember when you first started working in the restaurant, you were so awkward, didn’t know how to work the grill, set a lot of things on fire, always made that weird groaning noise. But here you are! All grown up and so beautiful. I couldn’t be prouder of you and what you’ve accomplished. Congratulations to my daughter Tina and her new husband Jimmy Jr! Welcome to the Belcher family kid!”
“Thanks new dad!” Jimmy Jr. lifted up his glass.
Bob shook his head, still smiling. “Ha, ha, ha, don’t call me that!” There was a chorus of laughing mixed with clapping and glasses clinking. “And can we get another toast for my other daughter, Louise.”
Louise’s head whipped up in response to her name. “What’s happening?”
“Who just got admitted to Seymour’s School for Culinary Arts and is carrying on the family tradition! Woo!”
The silence that followed was deafening, until somebody, probably Mr. Frond, whispered “She actually got into college?” But then there was an outburst of clapping and renewed wooing; only Louise didn’t hear any of it. The second the clapping started, she dropped her glass in shock and had bolted out of her chair like a rabbit, running out of the room. The clapping died down and the awkwardness settled in. Bob stood there, still holding the microphone.
“I’ll take care of this.” He laughed nervously. “Enjoy the rest of the party!”
“Go after her!” Linda said, pulling him down by his suit jacket. He looked around the table, spotting all the concerned faces of his family and friends for his daughter
“What am supposed to tell her, Lin?”
“I dunno, how about something along the lines of “I’m sorry I put you on the spot and dropped your big secret!” Bobby! Just go before she leaves her phone and steals Jimmy Jr’s car keys again!”
_
Where’s the letter? Where’s the letter? How did they even FIND it?
Half-hyperventilating, Louise searched the back room high and low for her bag. It wasn’t on the chair she left it on before picking up Rudy. It wasn’t with Tina’s stuff, or the twin’s stuff, it wasn’t her mom’s stuff- of course.
When she had come in, her mom and dad had looked oh so suspicious. What her mother ripped out of her father’s hand must’ve of been the letter. Those jackasses had read her acceptance letter!
She found her bag on the floor by the door, the letter on top of everything else, crumpled from Linda grabbing it out of Bob’s grip. Out of habit, she unfolded the letter, and read it again, like she had some many times since it had come in the mail. “Dear Louise Paige Belcher…”
“Louise?” the voice of her father called from the door way. “Listen I know that I put you on the spot and that I embarrassed you, but I didn’t mean too, I was just proud of- Louise?” He said, finding her knelt down on the floor reading the letter. She stood up at the speed of light and whirled on him with her finger pointing at his face.
“You!” she shouted. Her father’s eyes went wide. “You went through my stuff! You went through my stuff!”
"Yeah… well you didn’t tell us you got into college! Ha!” he pointed a finger back at her.
Her façade crumbled in a matter of seconds. She held the letter closer to her with her head down.
“Why Louise? Why didn’t you tell us you applied somewhere? And to a culinary arts school of all places!” he asked her. When she didn’t answer, he asked “Is this why you were skipping shifts?”
She nodded. “I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want to disappoint you.”
“Disappoint me? How could you disappoint me?” Bob was laughing now and Louise’s nostrils flared.
“Because I might not have gotten in, dumbass!” He stopped laughing. “And then I would’ve gotten everybody’s hopes for nothing!”
“Who says we would’ve gotten our hopes up?”
Louise smirked, crossing her arms. “C’mon Dad, it’s you and Mom were talking about here. You guys were over the moon when you found out I signed up to be a hall monitor! You would’ve been ecstatic if I told you I applied to a culinary school.”
“That’s true. I mean, I did cry when I read it.” Bob admitted.
“You cried?” Louise had expected her parents to be annoyingly happy, but she hadn’t thought they’d cry.
“Well, I sort of cried.” he said. “Just a few tears. And maybe because it’s also Tina’s wedding. So what does this have to do with you skipping shifts?”
“Oh that. Basic tuition is fifteen hundred. Of course I wasn’t expecting thirteen hundred in scholarships, so since senior year started, I skipped shifts to go do odd jobs around town for different people like Mort, Teddy, and Mr. Fischoeder. Walking dogs, fixing roofs, painting coffins, that sort of thing. I even cleaned Cynthia’s “public” garden a couple of times
Bob was still lost. “Wait, is that what Teddy and Mort were talking about?”
“They told you? Her nostrils flared again, and Bob might have been scared, if she wasn’t still so small. She stomped her foot. “Goddammit! Then why are we even having this conversation- “
“No, they were acting weird when we brought you up so when we confronted them, they told us that you made it them keep it a secret and that they wouldn’t tell us.” he explained. Louise nodded.
“Yeah, I swore my patrons to secrecy
“How did you do that? Teddy and Mort are terrible at keeping secrets.”
“I paid them a little of what I earned to keep their mouths shut, and I had to pay Mort and Teddy extra. Blabbermouths.” said Louise.
Bob laughed, but then cut himself short when he realized something. “Wait why didn’t you ask us for help, Louise? Your Mom and I would’ve helped you, I mean we couldn’t give you much- “
“Exactly! That’s exactly why I didn’t ask for help! I can’t ask you to scrape by for the rest of your lives just to get me into “Post- Secondary Education.” I can’t ask you to sacrifice that much just for me!”
“Louise, you’re missing the point.” Bob sighed. He knew his youngest was stubborn, but there was another layer to this. “We’re your parents, it’s our job to make sacrifices for you, and even if it wasn’t, we’d still do it, especially for you, because you are worth it."
Louise pressed the palms of her hands to her eyelids and started shaking her head from side to side. “Stop it, stop it, stop it, stop it!”
“But instead you just shut us out. You shut everybody out and I don’t understand why.”
“You don’t get it do you?” she said, her voice shaking. She wiped her eyes several times before looking at her father again.
“No, that’s kind of why we’re talking right now.”
“Louise, you need to grow up, Louise, you need to get off your ass, Louise, you need to be more like your brother and sister, Louise, you’re gonna end up like a homeless criminal, Louise, stop being a little kid, Louise, you’re running out of time!” she mimicked in several different voices, her voice breaking every single time.
Bob suddenly felt angry, and hurt that people had treated Louise like this. How had he not noticed? “People… people actually said this kind of stuff to your face?”
“Yeah.” She nodded. “Some of it was Frond, some of it was teachers, some of it was you and Mom.” Louise gestured to her father, blinking away tears.
“So, I’m guessing you felt that if you did it all by yourself, you could prove everybody wrong.”
Louise nodded again.
“You know; I understand how you feel. I didn’t go to college and people still say that kind of stuff about me.” He had made peace with it a long time ago, even if he was still borderline successful with his restaurant, he had Linda and the kids, and that made it all worthwhile. But it wasn’t okay that people gave Louise this kind of crap. Bob thought about how angry Tina might be if he beat up Frond at her wedding reception. Not that angry, right?
“Yeah,Frond reminded me of that a lot.” She said.
Yep, definitely beating up Frond later.
He still had one final question. “So why Culinary School?”
“I guess you still don’t get that either.” Her tears seemed to be drying.
“What, that you look up to me?”
“Shut up.” Louise said, but she laughed. “I wanted to just give up this whole school and just stay at the restaurant, but then all my friends were leaving and everybody was pressuring me and Tina was getting married, so I thought I should just pick something. Culinary School seemed like the best choice. It’d be pretty easy, considering I’ve worked in a restaurant my whole life, and when it was close to home, so I could still live here while going to school. And I could take what I learned in school and use it to spice up the restaurant.”
“Spice up the restaurant?” asked Bob, his eyebrows raised
Louise cackled. “Come on, Dad. You gotta admit that the place could use some changing up!”
“Come here, Louise.” Bob felt like she was five again, angry that she’d fallen off her bike, when he could make it all better just by giving her a hug. “No more secrets, okay?”
“Okay, Dad.”
Their hug was interrupted by a very loud Linda, who walked in yelling “Is everything okay? Did we work it all out? Ohh hugging!” She then joined in.
It was Bob who broke the group hug. “Lin, did you bring a whole bottle of Champaign with you?” he asked his wife.
“What? It’s a wedding! I'm emotional.” Linda told them, cackling. “You ready to go back out there? They’re about to bring out the cake! And Tina and Jimmy Jr. are about do their Dirty Dance! Alright!”
Louise and Bob nodded, Louise leading the way back to the ballroom.
“So, what did she say?” Linda asked as she walked out with her husband.
“I’ll explain later.” He said, taking her hand. “Let’s just go get drunk okay? It’s been a long day.”
_
On her way to find her date in the crowd, Louise regarded everybody at the reception. It seemed like everybody and their dog was crying. Linda and Bob, both really drunk, were sitting at the table crying and sobbing with Mort and Teddy, who were also crying, as Gretchen was fawning over Linda, telling her it was a good thing she’d gone with waterproof mascara. Gayle and her grandparents sat a table wiping their tears, Mickey was also crying, along with Mr. Fischoeder’s brother, who Louise thought might have just been crying because she saw the older Fischoeder kick him in the shin earlier. She spotted Jimmy Sr. crying too, talking to her mom’s friend Ginger (also crying) of all people. Gene and his boyfriend were crying too, but Louise thought they might have been drunk like everybody else.
Tina and Jimmy Jr. were lost in their own little world. After cutting the wedding cake, the two had danced the final number to Dirty Dancing, and true to her word, Louise filmed it, and was really glad she did, because there was a moment were it looked Jimmy Jr. was going to drop Tina. Tina threw the bouquet after that, and Louise would have caught it had Gene not pushed her out of the way and onto the floor. After promising to suffocate him later in his sleep, she got up and went to find Rudy.
“Look what I got.” She sung, catching Rudy’s attention. She pulled out two glasses of Champaign from behind her back.
Taking his, Rudy asked “Your mom finally let you have some?”
“Bro, my mom is hammered.” She said and took a big sip out her own glass. “Wooh, so that’s what all the fuss is about!”
“Here we go. My first sip of real alcohol!” Rudy smiled and copied Louise’s actions.
Gene was yelling something into the microphone on stage. “This one’s for Tina and my new brother-in-law, Jimmy Jr. or our resident Romeo and Juliet!” The first notes of Taylor Swift’s Love Story began to play, and Louise groaned. Tina and Jimmy Jr took the dance floor, happy as can be, Jimmy Jr.’s dancing as painful to watch as ever.
“Not this song!” she whined. Tina had played it non-stop when she had been published, and non-stop this weekend. Louise was officially sick of it.
“Yeah,” agreed Rudy. “I’m more of a 1989 guy myself.”
Louise raised her glass to that. “I prefer Blank Space, especially the music video. Best part was the stabbing!”
The two stood there for at least the first verse, when Rudy began shifting from one foot to the other.
“What’s wrong Stieblitz? Please tell me you’re not having some kind of reaction to the alcohol?!” She didn’t know if she could run in her heels and her cellphone was still in her bag in the back room.
Much to Louise’s relief, he wasn’t. “Um no.” He mumbled. “Would you, would you… um, like to dance?”
Louise’s eyes widened. “Were you actually afraid to ask me that? C’mon, Rudy I’m not a monster.”
“You did just say you liked stabbing.” He pointed out. Louise rolled her eyes and set her glass down.
Holding her hand out, Louise asked “Can I have this dance?” Rudy took it, smiling widely, and the two took the floor at the lyric “All there’s left to do is run.”
She spent the rest of the reception dancing with Rudy, glad her Mom had convinced to wear heels. As the music turned from Love Story to the familiar Boyz 4 Now, they also danced with Tina and Jimmy Jr, Andy and Ollie and their dates, and Louise even danced with her dad. She and Rudy talked about what it would be like to go the same trade school, graduation, and prom and Rudy got really excited when Gene played Style. Louise would never admit it, but that night was probably one of the best of her life, especially when her dad was so drunk he yelled at Mr. Frond. Everybody cheered as Jimmy Jr. and Tina were escorted to a limo, that thanks to Mr. Fischoeder’s wedding present of a month’s rent free, both Jimmy Pesto and Bob were able to chip in for, to use during their honeymoon. As Gene played his last song of the night, and anybody remotely sober started to clean, Louise took another look at her letter.
This adult thing might suck so bad after all.