Chapter Text
Wylan decides, right exactly now, that being single in your 20s is all just about discovering what the worst possible first date can be.
Is it the guy who showed up 45 minutes late? No, because he’s beaten out by the guy who never showed up at all, and then sent a text the next day asking if he still wanted to come over. Is it the guy who burst into tears midway through the date because he missed his ex? Almost, but then there was that guy who left to go to the bathroom, and then emerged 15 minutes later with ruffled hair and a hastily tucked in shirt with their waiter.
Wylan still slept with three out of the four of them. He refuses to tell his friends which three.
Wylan decides on this right now because he’s on—truly, this time—the worst possible first date. And, unsurprisingly, he’s familiar with going on bad dates—he’s introverted at his best, and in a city renowned for merchant-trade, Wylan’s been on more dates than not where his date has whipped out a laptop to send over a quick spreadsheet. He doesn’t even qualify those as bad dates anymore. This date makes Wylan realize that men with 80 hour work weeks and no actual interest in him are the best of what Ketterdam had to offer.
Currently, Wylan sits across the table from a man named Gert, who has asked him all of one question since arriving— “You’re Wylan?” he asked, to confirm his identity from the dating app. It’s the worst first date, because it’s not even uniquely bad; it’s just bad. His date is boring, rude, and self-absorbed. Wylan hasn’t even said a single word in over 10 minutes, because currently, his date is still prattling on about how crazy his ex-boyfriend was. Wylan sympathizes with the ex.
“—and he’d just flip out over the most stupid stuff, too?” Gert says, rolling his eyes. “I mean, all I said is that I wasn’t a fan of blonde hair. That’s an opinion, I’m allowed to have them! Just because he has blonde hair, it doesn’t make that like, a personal attack or anything. He could’ve just dyed it if it made him so upset that I found him ugly.”
Wylan stares at the door of the restaurant longingly, envious of the group of three who just left. He can’t walk out the door, but he thinks if he asked their waitress to sneak him out the kitchen door, she’d do it—Gert was, unsurprisingly, an ass to the waitstaff.
“—I think my type is just darker hair, like, it’s just an opinion. My mother, now she had the most gorgeous black hair, and so—”
Wylan keeps staring at the door; if he looks at it enough, maybe he’ll miraculously find himself on the other side of it.
That doesn’t happen. Instead, he stares at the door so intently, that Wylan makes Jesper Fahey appear.
Wylan’s first feeling is relief, but it’s immediately followed by immense panic.
Relief, because Jesper is his best friend, and Wylan would love to see Jesper’s face at any time, especially over Gert. And then panic, because Wylan really doesn’t want Jesper to see how pathetically horrible this date is going; Jesper, though unintentionally, is the reason Wylan has been going on all these dates.
Wylan’s always considered himself a fairly rational person. When he first met Jesper—funny, intelligent, kind, charming, handsome Jesper Fahey—in their first year of university, Wylan assumed Jesper wouldn’t want anything to do with him. But he had been wrong—somehow, something about him and Jesper just clicked, and they became fast friends. But it’s impossible to be just friends with someone like Jesper—again, funny, intelligent, kind, charming, handsome Jesper Fahey—without developing a small crush on him.
It was a doomed, pointless crush, Wylan knew. Jesper might’ve offered him friendship, but he would never be truly interested in someone like Wylan, and, beyond that: Jesper didn’t do relationships. He went on dates every so often, but in all the years that Wylan had known Jesper, Jesper had never once had a long-term partner.
Wylan’s silly little crush had never interfered with their friendship, and it never would. After spending five years secretly pining away for his best friend, Wylan decided the only real way to get over such a thing would be to find a boyfriend, and leave his friendship with Jesper as just that—a friendship.
As such, he no longer had a crush on Jesper anymore. He decided that. He was pragmatic that way. Any lingering jealousy Wylan felt now, seeing Jesper enter the restaurant with a pretty girl with strawberry blonde hair, was only because he would rather Jesper’s company over Gert’s.
Jesper spots him, and Wylan feels his face heat up by instinct. Jesper waves a bit, and Wylan tries to smile back. He doesn’t want to bother Jesper and his date by sending him an SOS face or message, although Wylan really, really wants to.
“You know—” Gert says suddenly, leaning in over the table. He reaches a hand over, touching Wylan’s hair, and Wylan tries not to flinch away. His face is burning red, but that’s from the idea of Jesper witnessing this, and Wylan really hopes Gert doesn’t get the wrong idea. “I’m not usually into redheads either.”
Wylan moves back, smiling politely.
Jesper is still standing, waiting to be seated; the girl he’s with laughs, throwing her head back at something Jesper just said. Wylan is unsurprised that Jesper has made her laugh, and the jealousy flares again. Not over Jesper, of course, only because he’d rather hear one of Jesper’s jokes over Gert’s conversation. He decided that.
“You’re really quiet,” Gert says, snapping Wylan back into focus. “I just complimented you.”
Wylan blinks. He thinks he might’ve missed the compliment, but he’s not really willing to fight it out right now.
“Thanks,” Wylan offers. Jesper is looking at him again, and Wylan needs to leave this establishment now. “Listen, I–”
“Hey, I hate to do this,” Gert says, snapping at the waitress for the bill. Wylan winces, giving her an apologetic look as she comes over. “But I have work tomorrow morning…”
Wylan feels, for the first time, a genuine flicker of happiness. “Same! I guess I should get going, bye! This was–”
“I just mean I can’t have you over,” Gert continues, appraising Wylan. “But I brought my car if you’d want to…?”
Wylan raises his eyebrows. “If I’d want to what?”
“I can drive you back home,” Gert says chivalrously. “After you…”
Wylan starts to glare. “After I do what?”
“C’mon,” Gert says conspiratorially. “Don’t play dumb. I took you out on the date, so you should…”
“Do you want to finish your sentences?” Wylan asks frostily. “I’m not going to do anything for you just because you suggested the restaurant.”
Gert wrinkles his nose. “Don’t be so dramatic. It’s seriously unattractive.”
Wylan’s jaw drops, and he sits up a bit straighter. He isn’t generally a fan of confrontation, nor does he really want to be mean, but if Gert thinks that this is Wylan being unattractively dramatic, then he can just wait a second longer because Wylan can do a lot more.
Wylan takes a deep breath.
“I think I’m just going to head home now,” Wylan says shortly, restraining himself.
Gert rolls his eyes. “Don’t be like that, c’mon.”
“I’ll pay for my half at the front,” Wylan says, because he really doesn’t want to wait another minute at this table.
“Wait!” Gert says, reaching out his arm to grab Wylan in desperation. In doing so, he manages to knock over Wylan’s glass of water, right into Wylan’s lap.
Wylan attempts to avoid the water, and succeeds in—failing, really. The water spills on him, and then, because this really is the worst date ever, the glass bounces off his leg and shatters onto the floor.
Wylan turns bright red, again. He stands up quickly, grabbing his napkin to dab to dry himself. He can’t see Jesper at the front anymore, but that’s only a small comfort because everyone in the restaurant definitely just heard that.
“You’re wet,” Gert says unhelpfully. “If you want, in my car, you can get out of your wet clothes–”
Wylan tosses the napkin at Gert—not his best defense, really.
“I’m not going to your car to take my trousers off and have sex with you!” Wylan snaps, and then he buries his face in his hands because everyone who wasn’t looking at the site of the glass crash is most definitely looking at him now.
Gert scowls, standing up as well. “No one ever said anything about sex. You could’ve just given me head or something.”
“You cannot be–”
“Not that I’d even want that now,” Gert says scathingly. He stands up, and even though the door is behind him, he walks around to Wylan’s side of the table, just to walk into him and shove him back with his shoulder. Wylan stumbles back, bumping into a waiter; because his life is miserable, Wylan finds himself drenched in some sort of soup. While Wylan apologizes profusely to the waiter, Gert knocks into his shoulder again, muttering defensively, “Ugly bitch.”
Wylan gapes, and Gert storms out.
Wylan thinks he needs at least two months to process all of this— Gert stormed out, after everything? And left Wylan with the bill?—when a hand comes down on his shoulder.
“Saints,” Jesper mutters, a muscle jumping in his jaw. “Give me a head nod if you want me to run over and punch him.”
Wylan turns to him, absolutely mortified. He shakes his head quickly, because as much as Wylan wants to see Gert with a broken nose, he thinks he’ll die if he makes any more of a scene.
Jesper gives him a small smile, but he looks slightly aghast as well. He resumes glaring at the door Gert just stormed out of. “Are you okay?”
Wylan clears his throat. “I—I’m yes. I mean, I’m good. Yes, I’m good. Yes, I’m fine.”
“He was a real piece of work,” Jesper says, ignoring Wylan’s obvious fluster. “At least from the two minutes I saw.”
Wylan attempts to smile. “Yeah, well—yeah. He wasn’t any better before your two minutes either, so…”
“Dickhead,” Jesper mutters, glowering out the door. He squeezes Wylan’s shoulder gently.
Wylan blushes, but at least this time, not from his abject public humiliation. Then, Wylan realizes he’s covered in soup and water, and the waitstaff are around him and looking at him, as they clear up the two broken dishes. Jesper drops his hand to Wylan’s elbow to pull him away from the glass, and thereby closer into Jesper’s body, which suddenly feels incredibly intimate.
“I’m sorry,” Wylan says, blushing. “I’m going to–”
“You should join Lucy and I,” Jesper says, easily and smoothly, like that’s not an insane thing to offer.
Wylan thinks he’d rather sit through another hour of a date with Gert than join Jesper on his date with—Lucy, presumably. Firstly, because there’s third-wheeling, and then there’s being added to a date out of pity while covered in soup. And second, Wylan doesn’t want to see Jesper on a date.
Jesper doesn’t have bad dates. He’s returned from dates with people who aren’t that interesting, had a few awkward moments, but Jesper has never had a thoroughly bad date. Jesper is just a charming person; whether that means he has a different caliber of people he takes out, or that he’s just suave enough to overcome any uncomfortable situation, Wylan knows with certainty that Jesper Fahey has never ended a date being called an ugly bitch, covered in soup.
Wylan takes a deep breath. “Jesper, I really couldn’t–”
“She wouldn’t mind!” Jesper says kindly. “Whoever you were seeing was such a dick, Wylan. Seriously.”
Wylan fidgets with his sleeve, looking around awkwardly. “Do you think everyone in the restaurant… heard?”
“No!” Jesper says immediately, which means everyone did, and Wylan covers his face again.
“I think I’m just going to go home,” Wylan says finally. “I’m in soup.”
“Do you want me to walk you back?” Jesper asks.
“I can manage,” Wylan says, his voice slightly dry. “Go, before your date thinks you’re bailing on her.”
“She knows we’re friends,” Jesper says, throwing a smile back to the table Lucy is seated at. “And she saw how awful—I mean, not that we saw, but–”
“Like I said, I think I’m just going to go back and try to forget this ever happened.”
“Alright,” Jesper concedes. He glances back at the door, and then puts a hand on Wylan’s shoulder again, to stop him from moving. “Let me check to make sure he’s left.”
“You really don’t have to mind me–”
“I heard what he was saying,” Jesper says, his voice going a bit lower. He starts glaring again, and Wylan finds himself oddly flustered by it. “I don’t want him to bother you.”
Jesper goes back outside, not hearing another word of Wylan’s protests. Wylan sighs, and wishes he could go on first dates with people like Jesper Fahey.
**
Wylan is grateful for the brunch he and Jesper have planned for the next day—Wylan never has to overthink hanging out with Jesper. As best friends living in the same building, just a few floors away from each other, their hangouts are common enough. Wylan knocks on Jesper’s door at 11 so they can walk down together.
Jesper opens the door, beaming. Wylan smiles, walks into Jesper’s apartment, and then instantly wants to die.
“Oh, hello!” the strawberry blonde from yesterday, Lucy, greets, just as amiable as Jesper.
“Hi,” Wylan says, attempting to mimic the tone and failing. “I…”
“I’m leaving now, sorry,” Lucy says apologetically. Wylan’s eye twitches when he notices she’s wearing one of Jesper’s sweatshirts over her dress. “Let me wash up the mugs, Jesper—”
“Oh, don’t worry about that, seriously!” Jesper says, shooing her away from the sink. “You’re sure you won’t take any coffee to go?”
Lucy smiles— She’s really pretty, Wylan thinks miserably—and shakes her head. “It’s fine, I’ll probably pick up a drink on my way to the clinic.” With a small laugh, she says knowingly to Jesper, “Not a lemonade, obviously.”
Both of them laugh over whatever inside joke they already have about lemonade. Wylan debates the efficiency of defenestrating himself to get out of this room.
To Wylan, Lucy says, “Jesper told me you work at the lab in Ketterdam University’s Hospital?”
Jesper was talking about me? Wylan thinks, before he realizes that Jesper probably had to explain that he knows the pathetic man in the middle of the restaurant causing a scene.
Wylan nods. “I—yeah.”
Lucy smiles again—it’s annoying that she’s pretty and friendly, actually—and says, “I’m a veterinarian! I work at that clinic a few streets over from the university bookstore!”
“Oh, I’ve seen it!” Wylan says cheerfully, ignoring how absolutely ridiculous he finds it that Jesper not only goes on dates with pretty, nice, intelligent people, but he also manages to go on dates with people who work romcom jobs as well, instead of one of those nebulous finance jobs where all you do is send emails all day. Jesper himself is a bartender at their local place, The Crow Club, which is far more exciting and sexy than Wylan’s research assistant position; Wylan channels this bitterness into deciding he absolutely hates Lucy.
“It was really nice to meet you!” Lucy says kindly. “We should grab a coffee sometime!”
Wylan thinks there’s something wrong with him, surely, for how much he hates someone who seems genuinely friendly and sweet.
“It was nice to meet you too,” Wylan says, his voice a bit softer. “We should.”
Lucy gives him a sunny, bright smile, and then turns back to Jesper. “I’ll head out now, see you!”
“You’ll get home alright?” Jesper asks, courteous as ever.
Lucy nods. “Oh, I’m just a walk away.”
“I’ll take you out for iced tea some other time,” Jesper says with a wink, and they both titter over whatever stupid joke about lemonade and iced tea they shared over the dinner they had when Wylan was wiping soup off of his hair.
Wylan’s not bitter about it at all. He’s fine.
Jesper sees her out, leaving Wylan to awkwardly ruminate on this. Jesper returns a moment later, and Wylan gives him a tight smile.
“She seemed nice,” Wylan says.
“She is,” Jesper says easily. “Did you make reservations somewhere, or have somewhere you wanted to try?”
“I didn’t make any reservations,” Wylan replies. He pauses for a second, and then says, “So, do you think it’s serious between you two?”
Jesper gives him a wry look.
Wylan knows the answer is no, because it always is. Wylan unabashedly doesn’t understand this at all—not because he judges Jesper, but because if Wylan went on one date as good as Jesper’s hookups are, Wylan would probably marry the guy out of shock.
“Neither of us are looking for a relationship,” Jesper says, shrugging. “I might see her again, though.”
Wylan exhales, slightly frustrated. Jesper raises his eyebrows, and Wylan flushes.
“Sorry,” Wylan mutters. “Just… You’re so good at having good dates. It’s annoying.”
Jesper shakes his head, amused. “You just have bad luck with the guys you pick.”
“I’m flattered that you think I pick the guys,” Wylan says, scowling. “I’ll take what I can get.”
“Have you considered that might be the problem?” Jesper asks, giving Wylan a look. “You’re… You shouldn’t settle for the first person who meets your standards.”
“I’ll marry the first person who meets my standards,” Wylan says bluntly. “I’ll go on a date with anyone who treats me like a human. And even that…”
Jesper groans, putting an arm around Wylan’s shoulder. Wylan takes comfort in the feeling, of the weight of it. It relaxes him, somehow, and Wylan smiles into Jesper’s arm.
“I’m just being dramatic,” Wylan says, and Jesper gives him another look. “I just want to be done with all of these mediocre-to-awful dates. Get married or whatever.”
“Get married?” Jesper says incredulously—almost panicked, for some reason. “You’re not even 24.”
“Not actually get married–get married,” Wylan sighs, trying to verbalize his point. “Just… be done with the search part of everything, you know? I don’t know how many first dates I have left in me. But until I meet someone, I need to…”
“You don’t need to do anything,” Jesper says, giving Wylan a small squeeze. “There’s no rush or anything.”
Wylan waves a hand. “I know that.” But I need a boyfriend to prove that I’m over you so I don’t accidentally ruin our friendship. “But just—just generally, the timeline of things… I mean, my parents got married when they were 24. They had me when they were 26. In three years, I would be having me, Jesper.”
“With all love, Wy, I don’t think you should use your parents as examples for anything.”
“Fair point,” Wylan says glumly.
Jesper throws him a grin, shaking his head. “Don’t worry so much, love. Focus on whether you want to try that new cafe down the block, or that other place with the orange chairs.”
Wylan raises his eyebrows. Both of those places were places Jesper and him had been meaning to try. “We’re not going to get seats for either place at brunch time.”
Jesper beams at him. “We wouldn’t…” he pauses dramatically, waiting for Wylan to give him an expectant look. “ But— I made reservations for both! I actually managed to think ahead, for once. So you get to choose—cafe or oranges?”
Wylan laughs, delighted. Jesper’s smile grows.
**
They end up choosing the restaurant with orange chairs, and, in the tradition of any trendy brunch place, the place is packed. The two of them wait in the front with other groups waiting to be seated.
In the midst of this crowd, Wylan hears a familiar interaction play out behind him.
“Hi! Wait—Juliana, right?”
“Yeah! It’s nice to meet you! Sorry I’m late, you said you were wearing a blue jacket so I was searching for someone wearing a denim jacket–”
With a slightly awkward, flustered laugh, her partner says, “You’re fine! Ha, that’s my bad…”
Jesper is also unsubtly listening in. The corners of Wylan’s lips turn, and he mouths to Jesper, They’re on a first date. Jesper grins at him.
There’s an awkward silence between the couple, before Juliana says, “Um, I’ve heard this place is really good?”
A cough from her partner. “Yeah… Same. Um, I put our names down already, so… we should be seated soon…”
“Cool!”
Cool! Jesper mouths to Wylan in imitation. Wylan elbows him.
Juliana and her blue-jacketed date are seated before them. Both him and Jesper peer at them, probably too unabashedly, for no reason except to be gossips.
Then, Jesper turns to him, and dons a wide-eyed, semi-excited, semi-wary look. “Hi! Wait, you’re—you’re Wylan, aren’t you?”
Wylan snickers, and plays along immediately. He puts on his best ‘meeting someone off a dating app’ face, and says, “Yes, hi—Jesper? So nice to meet you!”
“Yeah, thanks for making the brunch time work! I know it’s sort of an unusual choice for a first date.” Jesper’s voice is more theatrical than normal as he says it, but Wylan finds himself imagining this stage-reality anyways; what would it be like to be going on a first date with Jesper?
As quick as Wylan thinks it, he tries to push that image away. It’s never going to happen, and imagining it now would only make him flustered.
He continues their play-acting. “I don’t mind the time—I like it.” With a dash of sincerity, since the next part is true, he adds, “Thank you for making the reservation for us, Jes.”
Jesper smiles at him, a true one. “Anytime, Wy.”
Wylan ducks his head, and goes back to their impromptu skit. “Out of curiosity, why did you pick a brunch date?”
“It felt like a step up from coffee,” Jesper says, looking pensive. “Give us more time to get to know each other, you know. And… It fits better with my work schedule.”
“Oh? And what do you do for work?”
“I’m afraid I can’t disclose that information. I had to sign an NDA with the Kerch government,” Jesper says seriously. Wylan giggles, which makes Jesper break character for a second to grin. But he continues, and says with a wink, “So what about you? You must be a model, right?”
Wylan scoffs, and tries to ignore how pleasantly warm his face feels. He breaks character to say, “That’s such a cheesy line.”
“Don’t lie, it totally worked on you,” Jesper teases, also ending their act.
Their table is ready, and they follow the waiter to the spot. Another group leaves at the same time, and Wylan steps to the side to let them pass. He touches Jesper’s waist to gently guide him to the side, lest he get trampled by a party of six who clearly took advantage of the bottomless mimosas, and he feels petulantly reluctant to let the fabric of Jesper’s shirt go as they continue walking. They’re both quite touchy with the other, so it’s not like physical affection would be abnormal, but Wylan can’t help but wish for more. He would rather like to walk arm in arm with Jesper to their table, to wrap an arm around his waist, to pull out Jesper’s chair before he sits.
But Wylan does, ultimately, let go. Jesper sits in his chair, and Wylan sits in his own. Jesper opens up the menu and puts it sideways on the table, reading it aloud to Wylan as they pour over the options. Jesper always does this, and Wylan always finds it sweet, but in the circumstances of brunch it’s a bit redundant; they’re only going to do what they always do.
What they always do is—first, they’ll both state they’re unsure about whether they want to eat something savory or sweet for brunch. They’ll go through each of the pancake and waffle options, and then all the different savory, usually egg-based meals. They’ll wonder whether to get one of those combo specials, that’ll do pancakes with eggs and strips of bacon, but for some reason, they never choose that. Instead, Jesper will order something savory that Wylan wants to eat, and Wylan will order something sweet that Jesper wants to eat, and then they’ll eat half of each other’s meals and complain about food stealing, even though—they have done this, without fail, every single time.
They order, and their food and drinks arrive, quickly proving that this time is no exception; Wylan takes a forkful of Jesper’s scrambled eggs and Jesper groans.
“Thief!” Jesper cries, which makes Wylan snicker. “Bastard. I didn’t even try them yet.”
“They’re scrambled eggs. You’re not missing out on that much.”
“I’m missing out on ⅓ of my eggs, now.”
“You have one of my waffles on your plate–”
Jesper makes a dive for his plate, and Wylan yanks it back, laughing loudly. Two girls sitting at the table next to theirs both glance over, and Wylan gives them a slightly sheepish, apologetic look.
“We’re going to get kicked out of this place for disorderly conduct,” Wylan warns, through a smile.
Jesper tilts back on his chair and shakes his head as his eyes scan the room. In a low voice, he says, “That sounds like a challenge, love.”
Wylan looks away. Jesper is so carelessly handsome, it’s frustrating.
“Oh—don’t turn around, but it’s the first date couple,” Jesper says, calling Wylan’s attention back.
Jesper’s eyes gesture behind Wylan, and Wylan waits a second before doing a semi-subtle turn over his shoulder. Juliana is leaving, with the blue-jacket date nowhere to be seen. Jesper whistles lowly. “Damn. Their date didn’t even last 45 minutes.”
Wylan sympathizes. In an attempt to be optimistic, he suggests, “Maybe she parked in one of those short-term parking meter places and needs to add more money.”
Jesper snorts. “Who the hell drives a car in this city?”
“My date from last night did,” Wylan says, with clarity. “He really wanted me to have sex with him in it.”
Jesper makes a derisive noise. “Saints, he’s a nightmare. If I see him again, I really will kill him.”
“I don’t know if he was murder-worthy,” Wylan says mildly. “And besides—annoying as he was, dates are a two-way thing. It’s half my fault.”
Jesper shakes his head adamantly. “I really doubt that.”
“I’m horrible on dates,” Wylan says honestly, feeling slightly embarrassed. “It’s like everything I’m supposed to say leaves my brain the second a date starts.”
“There isn’t anything you’re supposed to say.”
Wylan snorts. “You’re only saying that because you say everything you’re supposed to say.” Jesper opens his mouth to protest again, and Wylan sighs. “It doesn’t matter. Anyways, the–”
“But I disagree with you,” Jesper interrupts, his brows furrowed. “I mean—even in the 10 seconds we pretended to be on a first date, to make fun of those people—you sounded like you’d be a great date. Even now,” he gestures in between them, “this is… I mean, when you think of it, this is sort of a date, isn’t it? And it’s an excellent one.”
Wylan feels his face heat up, though he’s not sure why. “This is different.”
Jesper nods, but his gaze is fixed on the napkin by his glass, picking at the edge of it absent-mindedly. “How so?”
Wylan shrugs, trying to keep his demeanor nonchalant. “Because you’re—you’re you. I don’t have to overthink or… act any differently around you.”
“Maybe then, you should date me?” Jesper suggests—teases, certainly.
Wylan flushes fully. I don’t have a crush on Jesper anymore, he reminds himself. There’s no reason to feel so hopeful by those words.
So Wylan scoffs, and asks, “What, for practice?”
There’s a moment, a brief, painful second where they’re both silent, and Wylan thinks Jesper might possibly say no— that he meant that sincerely. But of course, it only lasts the second.
Jesper looks away, and casual as ever, shrugs. He faces Wylan again with a grin. “Yeah. Yeah, I mean, why not?”
“What do you mean?”
Jesper shrugs again. “Nothing, I mean… We could, like, set up hypothetical situations that happen on dates, and you can… practice it, with me. And I can give you advice or whatever.”
“I’d roleplay going on dates with you,” Wylan says slowly. “And you’d tell me what I was doing wrong?”
“Not what you’re doing wrong,” Jesper protests. “It’d just be like we’d figure out… strategy together.”
“But–”
“The next date you set up, I’ll tag along in secret,” Jesper says smoothly, like it’s that simple. “And then I can make sure you’re—everything—is all okay, and then afterwards, we’ll talk about it, and re-create the date. Only between us, obviously. You know, planning ahead.”
“This sounds like a horrible idea,” Wylan says, shaking his head and coming to his senses. The idea of roleplaying dates with Jesper sounds personally tortuous, but the idea of having Jesper witness even more of his mortifying first dates sounds even worse. “Especially having you tag along.”
Jesper looks affronted. “Why? I’m–”
“Because I don’t have a public humiliation kink, Jesper!” Wylan snaps. The two girls at the table next to them go silent, and Wylan is quite certain they’re eagerly listening in. Wylan coughs, wills for his blush to go down, and says, more measuredly, “It just feels like a bad idea. I don’t need you to watch me embarrass myself every Friday night to know I’m hopeless.”
“You wouldn’t embarrass yourself, and you’re definitely not hopeless, Wy,” Jesper scolds. He bites his lip, and then says, “It could be good. And, I mean, worst case scenario and the date is going horribly—I’d be there! I could start a fire and help you abandon ship.”
“Right, because that’s reasonable,” Wylan says dryly.
“I’d do it for you,” Jesper says sincerely.
Wylan feels his face heat up, though he’s not sure why.
He’s also not sure why he’s so against this idea. Jesper is a good dater, if such a thing was possible. And this is, if Wylan were to think about it—almost a controlled, experimental sort of way to go on dates. A clinical trial, of sorts. And, if it worked, then Wylan would theoretically have a boyfriend, or at least a second date. The worst thing that could happen is that he and Jesper end up roleplaying a movie-dinner date. That’s practically their usual weekend routine as it is.
(A small, anxious part of Wylan thinks—no, the worst thing that could happen is that he re-awakens his completely flattened crush on Jesper, in which case, he’ll be pining for another five years minimum, and subsequently destroy their friendship. But that couldn’t happen, because his crush on Jesper is utterly dormant now. Non-existent, really. He decided that).
Wylan exhales. With a small reluctance, he says, “Alright. Alright, we can try it.”
Jesper grins at him. Wylan isn’t sure what Jesper is getting out of this, but he supposes Jesper is just that sweet of a friend. “Perfect. Set a date and tell me the time—I’ll be there. And then after, we’ll start changing up the variables.”
Wylan’s lips twitch up. Had Jesper also been thinking of this in terms of controls and experiments? Or did he just read Wylan's mind with that? If anyone was able to, it would be Jesper. “Will you write a lab report?”
“If you want me to,” Jesper says, smiling himself. The longer he looks at Wylan, though, the more his smile seems to fade away. Wylan’s brows furrow, but Jesper quickly continues and says, “What sort of dates are you planning? If you set up a dinner at the Crow Club, I can take a shift off the bar and be your waiter instead.”
“Please don’t make things difficult for yourself on my behalf,” Wylan implores, moving on instinct to grab Jesper’s hand over the table. Jesper stares at their now connected hands for a few seconds in silence, before Wylan realizes and pulls his hand back, flustered. “And… And, besides—if you’re our waiter, my dates might leave me for you.”
Jesper is still looking at the spot on the table where their hands were touching, but he pulls his own hand back to run it through his hair. He winks at Wylan. “Oh, you think I’m that attractive?”
Wylan feels his face heat again. Carelessly, irritatingly handsome, Jesper is.
Jesper seems slightly abashed at the lack of response, and he shakes his head. “That definitely won’t happen, Wy.”
“It wouldn’t be the first time that's happened,” Wylan says. Hastily, he adds, “Not with you, obviously. I don’t think you understand how awful I am at making conversation, Jes.”
Jesper gives him a look, sighing and gesturing between the two of them. “Then what are we doing right now, hm?”
“You’re different,” Wylan says, his voice a bit softer. “You’re you.”
Jesper stares at him, but when Wylan meets his gaze, Jesper quickly looks down.
“At least I trust you not to hook up with my date in the bathroom,” Wylan offers, lightening up his tone. “Not all waiters do that.”
Jesper looks mildly horrified. “Where do you find these guys?”
“To be fair, our waiter that night had been very attractive.”
“Don’t be fair to him!” Jesper groans.
“I wasn’t going to be!” Wylan says defensively. “I was ready to yell and throw a drink on him or whatever you’re supposed to do—but funny enough, my date became a lot nicer afterwards? I think it relaxed him or something.”
“Fantastic,” Jesper deadpans. “What a gentleman.”
“He was,” Wylan says primly. “He got me coffee and everything the morning after.”
Jesper pauses, taking in Wylan’s words. Then, entirely horrified, he says, “For the love of all Saints, Wylan— please tell me you didn’t sleep with him?”
The girls next to them fall silent again. Wylan’s lips thin, and he says nothing.