Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

"Humans cannot escape their own demise"

is what the Devil spoke of.

All their life, they had been told to listen to the teachings of their "God".

The voices that spoke to them inside their heads, was that of the Devil's. 

"Do not listen to your own voice."

Was it even their own? No, it was the Devil's.

Or so that is what had been beat into their head since the day they were brought up into this world.

..

Who?

Who was the "God" that those surrounding them spoke of?

The Devil answered:

"The voices that speak of unity, they are God."

"Don't Let God Mislead You"

Chapter Text

You stood with your parents in a bustling crowd.

"Is she one of them?"

"Such a poor soul, subject to such thoughts"

What thoughts? What were these people talking about?  You tilted your head, short cut hair covering a portion of your face. You looked up towards your parents, and let out a small squeal when they started to drag you along. You couldn't help but notice their troubled expressions.

"Quickly, Haruka. Don't drag your feet, I told you we must get going." Your mother held your wrist a bit tighter. Where are they taking me? Didn't they say- but your thoughts cut off. You noticed the ramblings of the people around you and your mother, the voices of the crowd getting uncomfortably loud

you and your-

"Mama, where'd Papa go?"

At that, your mother froze. She turned around frantically, pulling you closer. As she called your father's name, the people around you started to pull closer. They were yelling at you. What did I do? I've never met these people before. You squeezed your mother tighter. An unfamiliar hand grabbed your wrist. It was too loud, too many people... I want to leave.. the faces around you blurred.

You heard your mother screaming your name.

"HARUKA!"

Mama? 

And at that, you felt streaks of warmth starting to pour down your face. Everything started to spin. 

"Save this poor soul, rid her of the Devil's teachings."

Devil? No, I just want to go back to my mama. I don't like these people, I want them to leave us alone!

Why can't they listen to me? Why can't they hear me? Mama, please don't leave me with these people.

Your mother reached out to you, a mess of tears and screams and angry chants from the crowd. You saw a gate behind you, and the picture started to paint itself. 

"MAMA!" you screamed out- except you didn't. Words stopped escaping from your mouth, and-

you couldn't remember your mother's face-

-or where you were

-or why you were here.

You started to notice the kids, just like you, being pulled from their parents. 

Why weren't they screaming? Because they weren't being pulled. They were smiling, and so were you.

No- that's not what I remember- I was crying, I know I was crying, right?

"Goodbye, Mama! Papa!" you said cheerfully.

No no, that's wrong, that's not what happened. What's going on? Why won't anyone listen to me!? Someone! Please-

"Haruka? Are you alright? Hey-"

Who the hell-

You felt a hand on your shoulder.

Oh right,

I remember now.

Haruka opened her eyes, her body in a cold sweat. The instant she woke up, she couldn't at all remember the dream (or rather, nightmare) she was having just seconds prior. She looked up, and moved her hair away from her eyes, fanning herself with her hand. A look of guilt suddenly formed on her face, and she gulped.

"I'm sorry about that, Shinonome-kun" Haruka put her head down, before quickly lifting it back up to look into the ginger's eyes. In response, he shrugged.

"Don't apologize, I was just worried, that's all." The boy lifted himself off of Haruka's bed, brushing off his pants and nodding his head towards the door. "C'mon, they're taking attendance, we don't want to be late." At that, he started his way out the door. Haruka quickly pushed herself off the pure white linen of her bed. The room was small and more suffocating than usual, but that's how it was every time.

Every time...after those dreams.

This wasn't the first time Akito had to wake her up like this, but it was happening much more frequently nowadays than in the years the two of them had been here. (Here being...who knows where)

A voice called out, pulling Haruka away from her thoughts.

"Hey! I said quick, didn't I?"

"S-Sorry! I'm coming!" Haruka quickly set her bed nice and neat, Just how they like it, and set off through the shiny hallways. The walls were covered in photos of the different priests, doctors, and the other higher-ups that normally demanded Haruka and the other teens like her around. According to those other teens, though, they were not being commanded. All of them had trusted these adults from the moment they got there, and at first, so did Haruka. Doesn't stop them from being bossy now, does it? But she doesn't say that because that how you-

How you what, Haruka? C'mon, say it.

She couldn't remember what she was going to say. Eventually, she caught up with Akito, who was standing lined up with everyone else in the facility. Soon, all their names were being called, one by one, and with each name came a varying response.

"Here!"

"Present."

A "Mornin'!" followed by a cheeky giggle. The man in white smiled softly, clutching a clipboard and pen in his hands. He was one of the many doctors that Haruka and Akito would see scrambling around the halls or writing notes down on notebooks and computers for what seemed like an eternity.

"Nice to see everyone so lively today. Ah, let's see... Shinonome Akito?"

Akito nodded, with a plain "Here."

He was never enthusiastic about attendance in the first place. Huh, he looks nervous today? Maybe I'll ask him what's wrong after attendance. Did he have a nightmare too? He told me once how he gets them too sometimes- I oughta ask him about tha-

Haruka felt another nudge on her shoulder, before looking up. The blue-haired man looked down at her, his eyes narrowed. "Lost in our thoughts, miss Kiritani?" He tilted his head to the side ever so slightly, an unreadable expression on his face.

She blinked twice before clearing her throat. "Apologies, Shion-sensei."

An eerie silence filled the room before a nervous laughter broke out from the boy next to her. 

"Ahh, silly old Haruka-san! Hahh, am I right? Always spaced out, probably thinking 'bout what's for breakfast!"

Haruka swallowed harshly, before nodding along. "H-Haha...right! Must be the hunger getting to my head.."

The room fell silent again, but a smile then broke out on the man's face. "Right. Understandable. Well, don't worry, breakfast will be served soon enough.." And like that he continued on, calling out names and being met with a variety of enthusiastic responses. Haruka turned her face to Akito, who looked down.

He's worried about something. I know it, it's not good.

According to everyone else at this home- This isn't a home.

Who said that?

You did. So stop silencing yourself. This is not a home, they do not care for you. They just want you to be the same. They don't like your thinking.

My thoughts are my own-

Your thoughts are of their own. 

Listen to me! I'm probably just tired, it's all these horrid nightmares messing with my brain.

...

Do you know what creates dreams and nightmares?

Our imagination-

Your memories.

What?

Listen to me, listen to yourself, listen to your memories.

They are lying to you, do not let them mislead you.

Do not let them...

Mislead?

Who are you to tell me this?

I am you.

The people who control us, however, they call me-

They call me the Devil.

Chapter Text

Akito had always remembered the day when he could feel the warmth of his parent's hands as they pulled him towards the gates of "Heaven"

For him it was Hell, but, his opinion didn't quite matter.

They'd been told that he was plagued deep within with thoughts of sin, that from the Devil's teachings.

Teachings? What teachings? What were they talking about?

But now he knew.

Now he knew everything. All the lies, all the scams, all the bodies they had..."purged free of the Devil's whispers". All of the bullshit that he and all the other kids at this stupid freak-house had been constantly fed since the moment they arrived here.

He knew, and he knew he knew,

yet every day he finds himself forgetting the things he thought he knew.

At this point, trying to remember what he was thinking the night before was useless to Akito, so instead, he would write it down on the napkins they would get during lunchtime. Any ideas, whispers, or memories that popped into his head would go right on the napkin before they vanished from his mind. That was how he would keep himself from getting braindead, "Just like all the kids here..."

The cafeteria always had an uneasy warmth to it, as if it were unnatural and unfitting to the environment around them. Under his gaze, Akito poked at the pancakes on his plate. Beside him, Haruka was focused on her oatmeal. She lifted the spoon slowly to her mouth, and Akito couldn't help but notice the cold sweat that broke onto her face when it entered her mouth.

"Haruka, you alr-"

"It's...cold."

The two remained silent for a second, looking down at their respective breakfasts. Akito broke off a piece of his pancake, carefully stuffing it in his mouth with a wince.

It was bitter.

Do you like that? The taste of bitterness on your tongue.

No, I don't. Who are you?

Akito shook his head, and the voice was gone. The taste on his tongue tasted...good. His eyebrows furrowed in a fit of confusion.

Hadn't I just tasted something else? What was that flavor? Why does my tongue feel-

"Bitter?"

Haruka looked to the side of her, tilting her head. "Your pancakes, they're bitter?" Akito shook his head in response, still blankly staring down at his plate.

"No...No they're sweet."

"Then why'd you say bitter?"

Another moment of silence passed, and Akito shook his head. "Not sure." Like that, he continued to eat the sweet, fluffy pancakes placed in front of him. He gripped his fork, tight, tighter, tight. His eyes fluttered, he gulped, he bit into his breakfast. Tastes good. He remembered that. Yes, he loved pancakes, especially the ones he ate every day, every morning, every week, every month, every year, all his life. His eyes squinted. I'm getting a bit tired of this. 

"Akito, I wanted to talk to you about something."

Having the same thing every day can be quite tiring, don't you think?

Preach.

"It's about my dreams- or nightmares... I-I really don't know what to refer to them as."

It's not just the food, y'know? You know exactly what's goin' on here, don't you?

Yeah, every day is the same, not like I can do anythin' 'bout it.

Yes, you can, Akito. You can kick them out, Akito. Kick 'em outta your head.

"It's just...I've been hearing these...voices...Is that normal? Should I talk to one of the priests?"

Damned pigs think they can tell us what to do? Tell you what to do? Tell me what to do? I'm the motherfucking devil, like hell they can!

What the hell are you talking about? Devil? Stop talking to yourself, Akito. Me. Yes, I. I need to stop talking to myself.

That's what they call us. Call you. Are you seriously going to let them call you that? You know what they're doing, Akito. Shut them up, kick 'em out our head!

"But...I-I can't...not by myself, atleast-Akito?"

Shut them up. For good this time.

Shut them, shut them up.

Shut them up, no, shut up!

"Akito! Are you listening to me?"

Shut up, shut up, I know what you did, what they did, there is no place for god in our hearts. Thoughts consumed by the devil, they said it themself. You are the devil, Akito. Shut god up.

"Godamnit, Shinonome!"

Haruka's sudden outburst snapped Akito back from his thoughts, his face pale. He gulped, getting up from his seat and looking down at her. Haruka's face scrunched up in worry and the slightest bit of annoyance, her fists clenching up. 

"Something's wrong, not just with me, but with you too! We need to talk to the priests..." Haruka froze, her gaze shifting down, before standing up to match Akito's level, her eyes glaring with an uneasy feeling that Akito had never yet seen. They were sharp and empty, devoid of any feeling except for, how would he put this...?

Pissed off, that's for sure.

Akito squinted, sighing deep from his chest. He lifted his hand to rub the bridge of his nose and hastily glanced back into Haruka's void-like stare. Perhaps it would be best, after all, the priests are there to help you, remember, Akito? 

Yeah, sounds 'bout right.

He groaned, picking up his unfinished plate of pancakes. He wasn't hungry, not anymore, at least. "Yeah yeah, just as long as you quit bein' so crabby!" Akito placed a hand on his hip, mumbling under his breath "Seriously, what's up with you...?" He tossed his remaining food into a nearby disposal bin.

When was the last time I threw out my food?

He couldn't recall, and frankly, he couldn't care less.

Haruka's expression softened, her hand pushing in her seat and her eyes quickly glancing around at the other various children, some older, some not even the age of five. Akito could tell by the way she froze that there was much more than just the dreams she wanted to ask. Everything about her had been off,

As if he didn't feel the same.

Whatever it was, he just wanted to get it over with. Ever since he had arrived he had loved talking to the priests.

No, no he didn't,

He  despised it, and it annoyed him so god damn much, just how little he could recall why.

"Let's just get this over with." Akito jerked his head to the side, moving the hair out from his line of sight. He clenched his fists, feeling his knuckles crack under his skin. It felt good, feeling in control of the things his body did. The one thing he could always remember, the one thing his conscious could never let go of, his hatred of the joints in his body disobeying what his own mind had told him. He despised it. Truly.

"Lead the way."