Archive of Our Own ^beta

Notes:

This was done for my mi̱ko, who wanted to see what Jim with piercings looked like.

Notes:

Ok that's a bit more EDM than I like... but it still stands.

*tight hugs*
💙🫂💙🫂

Notes:

You asked me once, "What if things go wrong?" And my answer still stands. We persevere. We fix it or find a way around, but if we can't then we hold on, to hope, to each other, to this incredible and beautiful thing we have. It won't be easy, it never is. We might come out of this a little damaged, a bit hurt, but we will hold each other in our hearts, and then IRL, and together we will heal. Remember that there is always hope, always a way through, even when it seems like there isn't, and you are so much stronger than you give yourself credit for. I promise you though, you will make it here, and this will all be worth it in the end.

Notes:

heh.... I might have bought a pin that says I love my bisexual son. Imma put it on my purse next to Excalibur. I also found an enamel pin that is a phoenix rising in the bi flag colors. That one is yours..... and this one... hahahahaaa
I love you, and all your crushes. Still adorable.

Notes:

Never be afraid of losing me dear heart, I'm not going anywhere and I'm never letting go.

Notes:

Θα σ'αγαπώ για πάντα, γιε μου, καρδιά μου αγαπημένη

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Oh I'm like, super proud of this, and even more proud of you. Place of fucking honor right there.

 

Notes:

For teens in abusive or troubled homes, 18 is considered the age of majority making you a legal adult. When you turn 18, it is your legal right as an adult to pack your bags and leave and no one can stop you. This applies in most states in the USA, and most European countries (including the UK).

When I said you come when you are an adult and she cannot stop you? This is what I meant. You are a legal adult at 18. So When you hit 18 mi̱ko, you get out and you contact me ok? She cannot stop you. If it's easier to wait the couple months or so to get to DC, do that. But damnit, I will come get you, your momma will come get you. I promise you, I will not abandon you.

Notes:

Last call, all in bloom
And your broken hands, they dress me in blue
Morning Star over the Dew
When it all breaks down I'm reaching out for you

Actually continuing a thought from earlier.... if someone answers the door that's not me, and doesn't let you in.... you call/message me repeatedly until I answer.

Notes:

I know I promised but all of her accounts are deleted. I'm sorry 😞

Notes:

Passport renewed, International plan added to phone, ring doorbell acquired!

 

The torturous stars
Are taking every breath I wish I held
The love in my heart
It's never ending

Where do we go when we walk on light?
Who do we call at the edge of night?
Carry me close, like the tear drops in your eyes...

Notes:

 

You haven't lost everything though. You still have me, you will always have me. I know how hard this is, but I know, deep down, you are stronger. So hold on, stay safe, keep yourself, and remember this is temporary, and I love you.

Please don't let go

Notes:

But I need Jake to tell you
That I love you, it never ends
And I bled everyday now
For a year, for a year

I did send you a note
On the wind, for you to read
Our names there together
Must've fallen like the seed

To the depths of the soil
Buried deep in the ground
On the wind, I can hear you
Call my name, held the sound

Notes:

 

Giving up on you or leaving you was never an option.

Notes:

I lie awake at night and I think of you, always you, and I wonder if you are ok, I wonder what you've been doing, I wonder if you are ok, I wonder if you can still feel me... and I want to take you away from everything and keep you safe.

I'm trying to be strong enough for both of us, I'm trying to hold up the world for us, to be your hope, your strength... and it's hard, blind in this quiet abyss... the hardest thing I've ever done... but I'm a fighter, and there was never any doubt, no questioning it, because you are my son, you will always be my son, I will always do everything I can for you, and I will always give you everything I have, because you deserve nothing less than that. You are so worth this, no matter how hard it gets, you are worth this.

Yeah we can't chat right now, so what... we transcend that.. let me know you're ok when you can. Fuck, write more poetry, write a book of it, cause you're that damn good at it. Then at the end of/after 2025... you'll have me for real. It's not wishful thinking, mi̱ko, my beautiful brilliant boy... I swear that, on my life.

Remember, Dear Heart, that love... love is the most powerful force in the universe, there is no such thing as too much love, there is always hope, and that I'm proud of you and will always, always, always love you more than life.

Είσαι στην καρδιά μου

💙 Momma

Ps: ha, found something I know you'll love, so like.... happy eventual birthday/merry Christmas?

Notes:

I wish we were celebrating together, but happy first official Pride Month. I love you, and I'm so very proud of you.

🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷
🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷
💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜
💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙
💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙

Notes:

There are 649 of these sketches........ 😬

I had the weirdest, most awesome dream. You know how you joked (or maybe you weren't joking) that your grandmother is Greek mafia, and she knew who I was and approved/wanted to meet me? Well I had a dream that a bunch of mafia dudes kidnapped me over summer break, tossed me on a private jet with one of those black bags over my head like in tv, then dumped me out in Greece in some kind of netflix movie-esque clandestine mother/son meeting. And I was 100000000000 % ok with it because I got to hang out in Greece with you for a couple of weeks, drown you in hugs and love, and meet your Grandmother who was very terrifying but also lovely and awesome. And the only favour I owed in return, was taking care of you and making sure you had a happy life full of love.

Notes:

 

I've made an addition to the list. Well, ok we do this every year so technically it doesn't need to go on the list, but berry picking. Blueberries for me mostly, but there's marionberries, blackberries, and raspberries.

And it's kind of hot and miserable sometimes, but that's part of the charm? Just down the road though is a little cafe that has excellent sandwiches, and across the street is a farm store that has all kinds of gourmet food items (like spices and hot sauce), AND excellent ice cream. We always head there after. They have a little pen of goats and chickens you can feed, which is fun because the goats like to headbutt your hand. Then we eat half the berries and freeze the rest because I make a damn good smoothie (in my opinion). I just want to share all of it with you.

------------------------------------

I once told you just say the word and I would fucking put in for an expedited passport and be there. Well, that stands more than ever now. You need me, I will drop everything, and I will be there, for as long as you need. Love you kiddo.

 

Fucking hell my brain is an absolute fucking asshole.... Please be ok.... please let me know you're ok...

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You know practically all of me. The violent abuse and the trauma... and accepted me and loved me despite those truths. Truths very very few people know... I could count them on one hand... that's how much trust I have in you. And I know you have that same trust in me. I want you to know that you can come to me with anything, and no matter what it is, I will always love you and could never be mad at you. I went into this with eyes and heart wide open, accepting and loving everything you are.

Just know that I will always be there for you, to listen to and support you, with zero judgement. You will only ever get love and understanding from me, and if it's something I don't understand, I will try my hardest to educate myself, and learn so I CAN be understanding. I will be there, and give you love, always, and whatever else you need, be it to just listen and provide hugs, or help you problem solve. I will be your shelter, your safe space, your light in the darkness, because you deserve that. I will always be your soft place to land, no matter how old you are, and I will never leave you out there to fight the world on your own. You will always have me for as long as I am alive. That is a promise. That is my solemn vow to you.

Just know J, that... I can't... I don't want to lose you. And that I love you, so very much. You are my whole world, my son. Always.

Momma 💙

Notes:

 

I scored free lounge chairs. I even drug them home myself. I may not be as strong as I used to be, but I can probably give proper hug tightness. Usually free stuff like that is kind of crappy, but these are actually really nice. Comfortable too.

------------------------------------

I've been talking with people who, like Ade, have their BPD pretty much healed and are living lives happy and at peace. I'm finding they all have one thing in common, they are all willing to help, and all have beautifully kind hearts, much like you. So I have info on treatments, and other things that ended up being important in helping them to heal. I want to be prepared, I want to be educated, I want to be able to do right by you, I want to give you the best chance at that happiness you deserve to have. I'm ready to support and foster whatever you love. I just.... I just want to help you in the best way I can, and give you all the wonderful things in life, because that's what parents are supposed to do for their kids, and because I love you.

Notes:

 

I was cleaning up a bit and found these guys. They've been guarding my plants. I had collected them for a bit years ago and then it became too hard to get one before they sold out. Some of them had names and little stories that went with them but I think those are lost now. I remember one was excited about helping make cookies. Anyway.... I want you to have them. You can give them new names and new stories. You'd have your own squad of adorably good hearted monsters, along with Wickett the Doomslug and Floof. These guys aren't exactly cuddly, but they can help watch over you.

Notes:

There is always coming out on the other side. l know how strong you are and how far you've already made it, so I know you can do this. And I'm sorry... maybe I'm being fucking selfish... But I don't want to lose you.... I love you kiddo... I refuse to give up on you, and I don't want you to give up on yourself, because you deserve all the love and hugs and happiness, and you'll have them. I will fucking make it happen for you.

Notes:

Someone asked what maternal feelings were like, this was my answer.

I'm in my late 40s. I never wanted kids, made sure I can't have them...... and then this kid kind of dropped into my life and turned it on its head and it was like a switch flipped. It was an overwhelming desire to care for, love, and protect him, to not abandon him in his difficult moments or have them diminish the love I have for him. There is nothing in this world that he could do that would ever make me stop loving him. It's unconditional love. It's accepting and cherishing all of him because he's an irreplaceable and priceless part of me; he's become part of my soul. I want to celebrate him, guide and help him to find peace and happiness in his life, help him to find who he wants to be, and support him in any way I can. I love him, and he makes me proud every single day. I want to give him the world, he already has all of me.

Notes:

 

Adding to the bucket list!! I can't believe I forgot about it. Silver Falls State Park, 10 waterfalls, 3 you can walk behind. Salmonberries if the time of year is right, and not too far away is another park with caves. Somehow I've only ever been once.

I wonder if you read these every day...
Θα σ'αγαπώ για πάντα, γιε μου, καρδιά μου αγαπημένη....

Notes:

Notes:

"I LOVE YOU" means that I accept you for the person that you are, and that I don't wish to change you into someone else. It means that I do not expect perfection from you, just as you don't expect it from me. 'I Love You' means that I will love you and stand by you even through the worst of times. It means loving you when you are in a bad mood or too tired. 'I Love You' means accepting you fully, flaws and all, and being there for you through thick and thin. It's a powerful commitment to support and care for you no matter what. That will never change, and never end.

Notes:

I'm not trying to stand in the way
I will love whoever you are
Nothing here is gonna take that away
It is you and it's been from the start

 

You know your momma is an absolute dork right? Like.... part of me never really grew up lol. I think that is important, actually. To keep those fun, dorky, parts of yourself. Be an adult with adult responsibilities, yes, but also have fun, be silly, be humorous, play with Lego, or action figures, or stuffed animals... watch cartoons, dance around to music, read YA books, microwave taco shells, paint rocks, search for tardigrades, have FUN! It's a crucial part of life, and relationships. So while it's good to do by yourself..... it's even better with someone else. Especially if that someone is family that you love dearly. So be prepared for some very unserious, but still very important, times ☺️😅
Love you J. 💙💙💙🫂🫂🫂

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Last call, all in bloom
And your broken hands, they dress me in blue
Morning Star over the Dew
When it all breaks down I'm reaching out for you...

Notes:

When your soul is weary,
You can rest in mine.
If your tears are about to fall,
lay your head on my shoulder.
If your spirit is about to break, let my spirit lift you up.
When you are in too much pain, let my gentle touch soothe it away.
When you are too tired, let yourself rest in my warm embrace.
When you can't contain your joy, always know you can share it with me.

 

I DO want kids, ONE kid, MY kid, only him... I just want him, here with me... I have hugs to give him, time to make up for... and love that is his...

Notes:

I will rip time
out of fate's hands
and swim
through the stars,
if it means
finding you again
wherever it is
you end up next,
just so l can tell you,
I love you, always.

 

Stay cool, stay hydrated, stay safe 💙

Notes:

I will love you, beyond the end of time... no one can take that from us, and nothing will ever change that. We will get through this. Just don't let go ok? 💙

 

Just.... just know that you'll never lose me.

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Mom power...

 

Remember back a bit, when I was trying to load my library card up with books for you but their system was broken? Well they fixed it. So now I'm passing it over to you. Login and other info is in main DBox. Love you J 💙

Notes:

I told you the blue room would be yours... but I'm taking that back and giving you something better, something a bit extra special... something I'm making just for you. I promise it'll still be sky blue though, and will most definitely have stars.

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Love you mi̱ko. I won't ever leave your side, and I'm going to give all that I am for you, I promise. *hugs* 💙

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I'm going to love you in your weakest moments to your strongest ones.

I'm going to love you when you're happy and I'm going to still love you the most when you're sad.

I want you to understand that I'm here for you, and I'm not going anywhere. I want to love you, each and every piece of you.

I love you with your imperfections as much as I love you for you. And I'm always going to love you, I'm always going to be here loving you with everything I am.

 

I just want to hug you... I need to hug you...

Notes:

Listen, I've made this promise before but I'm making it again because I'm always going to put you first, you will always be my top priority... when you get to where you're going, here on this coast (or even between now and then), if you need me for any reason at all... if you miss me, if you need a hug, if this gets too hard, anything... you say the word and I will be there. I don't care what I have to do... fly, drive, train... I will drop everything and be there, for however long you need me.
Love you mi̱ko 💙

Notes:

I miss you, again
and since I cannot tell you
I leave it here instead
in hopes that some day
it will find its way to you
- E.F.

Lookit what I'm making! I know a certain someone that would love this and probably be able to tell me all about Azure Kingfishers. But since I cannot talk with him.... Azure Kingfishers are found mainly in Australia and Tasmania, living on the banks of creeks, lakes and other bodies of water. Their scientific name is Ceyx azureus, and they are one of over a hundred kingfisher species found around the world. They love to eat small fish, prawns, other small crustaceans, and small frogs. Adults are around 7" long and weigh around 1oz (30 g). Their feet are red and only have two forward facing toes. They also have two large white eyespots on either side of their bill, that are mostly only visible from the front, and may ward off potential predators. 😌

Gods, I miss you so much, every second of every day. I love you, my little jakedaw, love you endlessly. I hope you're healing well, staying cool (no Jim, not crispy), and enjoying the thunderstorms. Stay safe for me kiddo. *hugs* ILY 💙

Momma

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I love you dear heart, so damn much. *extra tight hugs*

💙💙💙💙💙💙💙

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J, I have so much I want to give you, so much I want to make up for. You deserve the world, you deserve all the love, and hugs, and happiness; and I would do everything in my power to give it to you. I don't care about anything else. I always promised you I was going to hold on, and never let go.... that I would always love you and be here for you no matter what... that I would help you find that peace and happiness... and I intend to keep that promise. I will keep that promise. You will always be my son, I will always be your momma. Love you mi̱ko, always.

Notes:

I wish I knew everything you're going through and feeling so I could find the right words to say to help you feel seen, safe, and supported. I would hold you and keep you safe forever, give you my strength whenever you need it. I will always be here for you, I will always give you all of me, and I love you, very much. That will never end.
We will get to the end of this though, and I will give you the biggest hug possible, and so much love you won't know what to do with yourself.

PS: Scrolling through DMs from the beginning, came across the very long list of movies you haven't seen. Definitely planning movie night (no popcorn, I promise).

Notes:

There's a comic on tumblr that has aspects of the show, book, comics, and this person's OC. The latest page (which I saved a partial screenshot of here) was about Blinky and his bond with Jim, about how Blinky embodies the person who steps into the role of parent, who takes in a kid and loves them as their own. And that it's a testament because that kind of bond is strong enough to persist, no matter what... And I kind of teared up because I remember you telling me I was a mix of Blinky and Barbara 🥺, so just that last part, it reminded me so much of that. And gods, I love you kiddo, I love you so damn much. That will never change, and never end. You will always be my son, and I will always love and cherish you. 💙

Notes:

It's ok to not be ok, to not be able to carry something alone, it's ok to ask for help, it's ok to be emotional, and for those emotions to be big. It's ok to need a hug, or to be held, it's ok to need to be alone, it's ok to cry, it's ok to be angry. None of these make you broken or lesser or messed up or wrong. They make you human, and they are valid. Please never feel you "have to be ok" with me, that you have to hide what you are feeling/going through. I will be here for you always, in whatever way you need. On the flip side, it's also ok to be happy and joyful and excited and proud without having to make yourself small and subdued. I love you just as you are, ALL of you.

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If someone gave me a choice, to have anything I wanted... love, money, to be pain free... every single time, I would give up everything and choose you... I would choose you and this rare and beautiful gift you have given me, of being your momma; choose to fight for you, and help you gain the love and peace and happiness you deserve to have. I would choose you, and hold you close and tell you I love and cherish you and you mean the absolute world to me. The reality though, is I'm not giving anything up, only gaining a brilliant son and everything you bring with you. I love you more than the universe could ever hope to contain, J.... and that will never change.

Ps: happy accidentally set your neighbor's yard on fire day! Please enjoy the absolute insanity that is the 4th, maybe take your hearing aides out, unless you enjoy constant explosions.

Notes:

*holds you close, kisses your forehead gently*
I love you so very much. I'm here if you need me, always. I'm never letting you go.
🫂💙🫂💙🫂🫂🫂💙💙💙🫂💙💙

Notes:

I'll never leave you, never abandon you, never give up on you. I'm with you dear heart, I'm always here with you, sending you all the love I have.

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Finally rewatching Ghosts BBC so the husband can enjoy. Plus it will always remind me of you 😌 I love you kiddo, always have, always will. 💙🫂💙

Momma

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I just want to hug you, tell you I love you kiddo, and listen to you ramble on about whatever.... school, a fic you liked, the latest crush, a new song, how you're feeling. That's always been one of my favorite things. I want to make space for you to grow in, to heal in, to feel safe in. I want you to know without any doubts, that you are loved, unconditionally and for always, that I will always be in your corner, fighting for and supporting you, and that I'm so very proud of you. I want to be the best person and mom I can be, just for you. Love you mi̱ko, always.

Momma 💙

Notes:

I remember threatening you with RotT, though it was mostly half hearted jest then. It didn't take knowing you very long to turn that on its head though, making that a promise to drag you to Evergreen aerospace museum instead. We both flipped each other's lives, and I have never been so glad of anything ever. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me. Always will be. I love you so very much, and I promise to be the best I can for you. You will always be my son, and I will always love you more than life.

Notes:

Had a dream that I picked you up and we stopped at my old friend's house for the night... and we were sitting on the floor and you were animatedly talking about something or another, but then stopped and scooted over next to me and just leaned on me with your head on my shoulder and I just gave you a one armed hug and kissed the top of your head told you Love you kiddo, and you said love you too momma.... and gods.... I don't normally dream, and if I do they are faint and wispy and I very very rarely remember them.... but this was clear and vivid and bright and I remember every single detail with perfect clarity. We'll make it a reality. Promise. Love you mi̱ko, always and forever.
*extra tight hugs x ♾️ *

Notes:

Notes:

I don't just want to be there when you graduate college (honestly, I'd love to be there when you graduate HS). I've gotten selfish. I want to send you to college myself, help you succeed. I want to do everything I possibly can for you, not just because it's what a good parent should do, but because you deserve that, and because I love you. You have made a home in my heart and you are more than welcome there because you make everything so much better. You have the whole of me. I love you Dear Heart, and you will NEVER lose that, and you will never lose me. 💙🫂💙

Notes:

I will always give you all the love and support you need. I want you to feel safe, to be able to find and be yourself, to be able to have that trust. You'll only ever get acceptance and love from me. I want to give you calm and peace, a space to work through things without judgement and without fear. I want to give you so many things, because you deserve them, you really do. Love you more than there are stars in the universe, mi̱ko 💙

Notes:

 

Please stay safe dear heart.

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Notes:

I got this today in the mail, finally.... because it's your favorite.... and you said if I wanted to understand better I should read it. So I tracked down a copy... I love you... so fucking much. You are my whole world. You have all of me. Please don't let go. Hold on for me

Notes:

I left you something in dbox, in important things. Is audio.

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TIL that some parts of the Oregon coast are bioluminescent. I say we add to the bucket list and find ourselves some glowy blue waters.

Notes:

I finished The Devil Walks and quite loved it. It's beautifully written. Noticed a bit of parallel... that even though horrible things happened, in the end Daniel survived, and escaped the horrors of his family to a better future with a warm, loving, and caring family that took him in and treated him like he was their own son.

Love you J
*♾️ 💙💙💙💙💙 and 🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂*

This might be useful for you

Notes:

One day at a time,
one step at a time.
I am so so proud of you.
*hugggsssss*

Notes:

Notes:

Notes:

if i could,
i'd brush the tears off your face
and use my love to soak up the pain.
just so you're never alone
with your feelings again.

Notes:

We chose each other, mother and son. My love isn't any less because of that. I'd argue it's more. I'm still here, I still want this, I'm not going anywhere. You are my son! You are worthy of this. You are my son.... and I love you.

 

Notes:

Notes:

He's mine
Not in the way that
I might own him,
But in the way that
To protect him
I would burn the fucking world.

-NS-

Notes:

You have done nothing wrong, you are not broken, you have not ruined anything... especially not this, none of this is your fault. You are the victim. You are worth more than what you have experienced. You are the victim and you do not deserve any of it, and it was never your fault. You are the most important person in my life, but that is not something you have to live up to or strive to be worthy of, because you already are... you always have been, just as you are. I willingly give you my all, my heart and my soul, because that is something you DO deserve. You are my everything, my son, and I love you.

 

Notes:

Notes:

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My mom rights are precious, because they came from my love for you... but also your love for me. No one can take that from us, that doesn't just end. That's an unbreakable bond. I will always be here for you and nothing can make me stop caring and stop loving you. Mom forever, no matter what.

*fashions a blanket from some warm hugs 🫂🫂🫂, some unconditional love 💙💙💙, and a quiet lullaby 🎶... and wraps it gently around you*

Soon enough, I promise.

Notes:

*hugs you tight*
Never letting you go, never ever. Not for all the money in the world, not for any reason. Nothing could ever make me let go. I promise.
💙💙💙

Ps: guess who got a haircut? 😁

Dropped a couple other pics in DBox because I was proud of my selfie skills for once lol. Love you kiddo 💙

Notes:

I cuddle Floof and Wicket next to my heart so I can pour all the love in for you.

Notes:

Dear heart, I know hope can be scary, but please hold on to it. It's yours to have forever and no one can take it away from you. I promise this is not an unreachable dream. Don't let anyone convince you otherwise. Please don't let your life go quiet because you feel alone. You are never alone, I love you and will always be with you. I will always stand by your side, no matter what. I will come and fight for you, I swear to you on my life that I will. I will drop everything and get the first flight out and I will be there for you. I will face any storm, walk through any fire for you. I don't want to lose you mi̱ko. I will always be your momma, you will always be my son, and I will always love you with everything I am.

Notes:

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I'm holding you and I'm never letting you go

Notes:

Sending you all the love and hugs... a hurricane and tsunami of love and hugs..
💙💙💙💙🫂🫂💙🫂💙🫂💙🫂💙🫂💙💙🫂🫂🫂💙💙🫂🫂🫂💙💙🫂💙🫂😌🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂💙🫂🫂💙🫂🫂🫂🫂💙💙💙💙💙💙🫂💙🫂💙🫂💙🫂💙💙🫂🫂💙💙💙🫂💙🫂💙🫂💙💙🫂💙🫂🫂🫂💙🫂🫂🫂🫂💙🫂🫂💙🫂💙🫂💙🫂💙🫂💙🫂🫂🫂🫂💙💙💙💙💙🫂💙💙💙💙🫂💙🫂💙💙💙🫂💙🫂💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂💙🫂💙🫂💙🫂💙🫂🫂🫂🫂💙💙💙🫂💙💙🫂💙🫂🫂🫂💙💙💙💙🫂💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙🫂🫂💙🫂💙🫂💙🫂💙🫂💙💙🫂🫂🫂💙💙🫂🫂🫂💙💙🫂💙🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂💙🫂🫂💙🫂🫂🫂🫂💙💙💙💙💙💙🫂💙🫂💙🫂💙🫂💙💙🫂🫂💙💙💙🫂💙🫂🫂💙💙🫂💙🫂🫂🫂💙🫂🫂🫂🫂💙🫂🫂💙🫂💙🫂💙🫂💙🫂💙🫂🫂🫂🫂💙💙💙💙💙🫂💙💙💙💙🫂💙🫂💙💙💙🫂💙🫂💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂💙🫂💙🫂💙🫂💙🫂🫂🫂🫂💙💙💙🫂💙💙🫂💙🫂🫂🫂💙💙💙💙🫂💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙🫂🫂💙🫂💙🫂💙🫂💙🫂💙💙🫂🫂🫂💙💙🫂🫂🫂💙💙🫂💙🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂💙🫂🫂💙🫂🫂🫂🫂💙💙💙💙💙💙🫂💙🫂💙🫂💙🫂💙💙🫂🫂💙💙💙🫂💙🫂🫂💙💙🫂💙🫂🫂🫂💙🫂🫂🫂🫂💙🫂🫂💙🫂💙🫂💙🫂💙🫂💙🫂🫂🫂🫂💙💙💙💙💙🫂💙💙💙💙🫂💙🫂💙💙💙🫂💙🫂💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂💙🫂💙🫂💙🫂💙🫂🫂🫂🫂💙💙💙🫂💙💙🫂💙🫂🫂🫂💙💙💙💙🫂💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙🫂🫂💙🫂💙🫂💙🫂💙🫂💙💙🫂🫂🫂💙💙🫂🫂🫂💙💙🫂💙🫂💙💙🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂💙🫂🫂💙🫂🫂🫂🫂💙💙💙💙💙💙🫂💙🫂💙🫂💙🫂💙💙🫂🫂💙💙💙🫂💙🫂🫂💙💙🫂💙🫂🫂🫂💙🫂🫂🫂🫂💙🫂🫂💙🫂💙🫂💙🫂💙🫂💙🫂🫂🫂🫂💙💙💙💙💙🫂💙💙💙💙🫂💙🫂💙💙💙🫂💙🫂💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂💙🫂💙🫂💙🫂💙🫂🫂🫂🫂💙💙💙🫂💙💙🫂💙🫂🫂🫂💙💙💙💙🫂💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙🫂🫂💙🫂💙🫂💙🫂💙🫂💙💙🫂🫂🫂💙💙🫂🫂🫂💙💙🫂💙🫂💙💙💙🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂💙🫂🫂💙🫂🫂🫂🫂💙💙💙💙💙💙🫂💙🫂💙🫂💙🫂💙💙🫂🫂💙💙💙🫂💙🫂🫂💙💙🫂💙🫂🫂🫂💙🫂🫂🫂🫂💙🫂🫂💙🫂💙🫂💙🫂💙🫂💙🫂🫂🫂🫂💙💙💙💙💙🫂💙💙💙💙🫂💙🫂💙💙💙🫂💙🫂💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂💙🫂💙🫂💙🫂💙🫂🫂🫂🫂💙💙💙🫂💙💙🫂💙🫂🫂🫂💙💙💙💙🫂💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙🫂🫂💙🫂💙🫂💙🫂💙🫂💙💙🫂🫂🫂💙💙🫂🫂🫂💙💙🫂💙🫂💙🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂💙🫂🫂💙🫂🫂🫂🫂💙💙💙💙💙💙🫂💙🫂💙🫂💙🫂💙💙🫂🫂💙💙💙🫂💙🫂🫂💙💙🫂💙🫂🫂🫂💙🫂🫂🫂🫂💙🫂🫂💙🫂💙🫂💙🫂💙🫂💙🫂🫂🫂🫂💙💙💙💙💙🫂💙💙💙💙🫂💙🫂💙💙💙🫂💙🫂💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂💙🫂💙🫂💙🫂💙🫂🫂🫂🫂💙💙💙🫂💙💙🫂💙🫂🫂🫂💙💙💙💙🫂💙💙💙💙

Notes:

Remember that love is the most powerful force in the universe. And you, you are worthy of love, and you are worth this fight, and nothing will ever sway me on that. Remember that I love you unconditionally. You will never lose my love, I will never hate you, I could never ever hate you, or be mad at you. I'll never give up on you, never send you away. I will hold you always, no matter what.

...

Gods, I miss your sass.... and the cussing... haha.. you get that from me.

Notes:

The poem you wrote... I know it by heart. I whisper it to myself every night before I fall asleep, like a prayer. The words are woven into my soul now, forever a part of me. I think, no.. I know, it is my favorite piece of literature. Love is you, dear heart, and the gift you have given me... a gift I will honor always. I will hold it, and you, close in my heart forever. I love you, my brilliant son, love you endlessly. 💙

Momma

Notes:

Notes:

"...that is the secret to happiness. to share time with one another. in small and big ways. to help each understand that we are not alone. that we are needed. and that we each help make someone else's life more beautiful."

/ topher kearby

Notes:

SoCal has been having a bit more earthquake activity than usual the past 3 weeks. Mostly up by Bakersfield, but LA (Pasadena) area had one on the 12th. I read the whole, brace yourself in a doorway thing is outdated now... people say to get under a desk or table. Now we can all think back on how weird and wrong it was for Jim's house to have a basement.

Speaking of Jim, I just started a Trollhunters rewatch, been a while. We'll finish Ghosts tomorrow I think. Made it through to the April Fools episode. I love that one. Pat is stone cold lol. Watched some movies I'd missed out on finally. WolfWalkers tonight (loved, omg), and Elemental and The Little Mermaid over the past weekend. Quite liked Elemental. Watched The Flash too but that barely qualifies... it was horrible. Built a giant monstrosity of a Lego car. It has a working transmission and everything. Not much else going on otherwise. Doom scrolling election news on twittex. Don't recommend.

Have picture of finished Lego car, with banana for scale. And a shot of the underside... which you might find intriguing, given the engineering that goes into these things. I'll totally take one apart for you to build if you'd like.

This just barely scratches the surface of the insanity. The entire back half of that thing is gears and stuff.

It even has the dihedral doors (I had to look that up... lol)

And that's the news from this little corner of the world. It's quiet here. Love you and miss you kiddo. 💙

Momma

Notes:

I wish I could give you real hugs right now, I have a feeling (call it mom instinct) you might really need them. I hate not being able to be there for you. But I love you kiddo, and I'm sending you the biggest mental hug ever. 🫂💙🫂

Notes:

I've got you... just hold on to me, and I'll hold on to you, and I won't let go. You're never going to lose me.

Notes:

"We wished upon sea foam.
The waves know our secrets, but I only asked for you."

Notes:

😭😭😭
ROFL.... found a website that roasts you based off your IG...

IDK... "wielding your digital pen like Excalibur" kinda goes hard.

Notes:

I found cookies that you might possibly like? They aren't super sweet... but they are spicy! I'm going to save a bunch for you.

I had a dream that I came down for your birthday. I would totally do that, flights between here and LA are cheap. An IRL hug for your birthday? and a promised gift.

I wish we could chat. Just ... ok, I had a whole thing typed out but realized I'm being a dumbass and you probably don't want a bunch of questions about life right now.

So just know I love you always and I love you forever, and I need you and I miss you like I'd miss air to breathe, and I wish, I wish, I wish you were here or I was there so I could really hug you.

Fuck you time for moving so gods damned slow. I'm holding on for you though, dear heart. I'm holding on, and never letting go. You are my life, my world, my son, and I love you.

Notes:

Accurate, but love it cause I love when you ramble about things, or are focused on something you're passionate about. And you know I understand why you go quiet sometimes. I'm quiet a lot too. I love you through both though, cause it's part of who you are, and I love all of you.

I did leave a video... errr well it's technically just audio lol... in the dbox (under important things), but I realize if you're still in Greece you probably can't get to it. But it's there, for whenever you get home. I woke up with a sore throat and not feeling great. Imma have some ratatouille or soup and maybe watch a movie, then bundle up in this blanket and work on a puzzle. Love you mi̱ko. *hugssss* 💙

Notes:

And I love you... with all my heart mi̱ko, and l love you with all my soul, my little jakedaw... and I love you with all I am and all I will ever be Jakob... and that will never end.

Notes:

It's getting closer to your birthday! I'm literally counting down the days here. You'll have to let me know if there was anything else you wanted. One gift is taken care of already, plus a surprise or two... 😌😄☺️
Ohhhh.. I will absolutely record myself singing happy birthday and then passing out from embarrassment lol...

Notes:

We're having what is affectionately called "false fall", it's cool and raining. That will only last a little bit though, then we'll have 2nd summer. It's really pretty here in the fall though.

Notes:

Do you know.... I talk about you and how special you are to me all the time, full on gush mode. About your sass and wit, about how you can make me laugh when I don't even want to smile. About how absolutely amazing you are.... And about how unbelievably proud I am of you, and how much I love you, cherish you, and how precious to me you are, my extraordinary son. I talk about plans we made, and the ever growing bucket list... this room I'm pouring my heart into. I talk about how much I miss you, how I don't want to lose you... how you are everything to me, how much I love you, and how that will never end... and it won't... mom for life... I'm your momma for life, and I love you, endlessly.

Notes:

There is an invisible thread that connects us to each other, and that thread can never be cut. That is the power of love, real unconditional love. It's the most powerful force in the universe. I promise you'll never lose my love 💙🫂💙

Notes:

All those parts of yourself that you've suppressed because of her... I'm going to encourage you to let them free, let them shine, be proud of them, because I'm proud of them, and proud of you. They're you, and therefore wonderful and beautiful. And I want you to be whole, and feel wholly accepted and loved.

Notes:

Notes:

I wanted to know how you are doing? if you made it to Cali, did you guess right with which city? if you started school yet, if you're getting to actually go? Or still with the homeschool? I had read that transferring to US schools from the UK can be a pain. Honestly though, homeschool is probably the much safer option cause covid, but I know you'd rather go in person. Any new crushes? How have your seizures been? Sorry for all the questions 😔😞😔 I'm not.... you're just very important to me, and I care about you, and I miss you, and I know you know that but I'm saying it anyway...
I love you
Momma 💙

Notes:

Notes:

And I'm here, just waiting for you.... and I'll also be there, just tell me when and where.

Notes:

Hey kiddo. I've realized that, while you have my # and email, I have zero way to actually contact you if I need to, like if some emergency happened. Ao3 is nice, but it's not exactly a reliable way to reach you. So IDK if you want to find a way to send me an email or # or something? Please.

Love you dear heart 💙🫂💙

Notes:

Hey lovebug, I hope you are doing ok out there. I'm sending all the love and hugs and strength that I can to you. Love you, love you infinitely.
💙💙💙💙🫂🫂🫂🫂

Notes:

"Because I love you, and I don't want to lose you, because I'm selfish, because I want it to be me, because I want you to show up at my door one day, because I want to give you a hug IRL, because I never wanted kids and can't have kids, but somehow ended up with one I love dearly anyway and I never want to let that go"

I know it's me... I always knew... but I'm a bit of a dumbass. And honestly, I don't want you to just show up randomly anymore. I mean.. I DO... but I want you here as soon as possible (I'd take you now, if I could), and like, I will come get you. I keep having the same dream... of the drive back. Flashes of the same moments, over and over. Sometimes I'm not even sleeping when they come to me. They feel like truth though, and shine like stars. But if you want to show up randomly before then, please do. Lol
You said you wanted every waking moment, you can have them, I want you to have them. I will give you every moment I have. You already have me forever... my whole heart, for my whole life. I love you kiddo. We're allowed to be selfish in that regard.
I know you are probably in Greece still and thus not reading these daily... I don't know when you will be back... but, if you can, try not to be gone too long.... please....
*whispers* you know my heart and mind... I'm afraid of the dark... and you know I worry about you too...
Please...

Notes:

Pppppfffttttttt.... us

Notes:

Watching a new show, A Discovery of Witches. It's decently good... bit Twilight sometimes. It has Vampires, witches and demons... magic waning in the world. The one MC finds a spellbound book and now everyone is after her because they want it. She ends up with the vampire mc despite vamps and witches being enemies. They fall in love, there ends up being time travel. That's as far as I've made it (S2). Editing to add that after watching two episodes last night.... she's totally a Mary Sue.... still a better love story than twilight. 😂

We watched Kaos... Jeff Goldblum as paranoid tracksuit/gold aviators Zeus is a bit iconic.

Notes:

Love you mi̱ko, love you to the moon and back. 💙

Notes:

Notes:

the vid in dropbox
I sound weird and dumb.. I'm such a dumbass.
I'm being so annoying, I'm sorry

Notes:

Notes:

To quote my most favorite person in the world....

*tidal waves of hugs*
💙💙🫂🫂🫂💙💙💙🫂🫂💙🫂💙🫂💙🫂💙💙🫂🫂🫂💙💙💙🫂🫂💙💙💙🫂💙🫂💙🫂💙💙🫂🫂🫂💙💙💙🫂🫂💙🫂💙🫂💙🫂💙💙🫂🫂🫂💙💙💙🫂🫂💙💙💙💙🫂💙🫂💙🫂💙💙🫂🫂🫂💙💙💙🫂🫂💙🫂💙🫂💙🫂💙💙🫂🫂🫂💙💙💙🫂🫂💙💙💙💙🫂💙🫂💙🫂💙💙🫂🫂🫂💙💙💙🫂🫂💙🫂💙🫂💙🫂💙💙🫂🫂🫂💙💙💙🫂🫂💙💙💙💙🫂💙🫂💙🫂💙💙🫂🫂🫂💙💙💙🫂🫂💙🫂💙🫂💙🫂💙💙🫂🫂🫂💙💙💙🫂🫂💙💙💙

Am I spamming you with loves and hugs? YES. Do I regret it or will come to regret it? NEVER.
Ily ily ily ily and this might be excessive but ILY KIDDO

Notes:

I can promise you, my mind and love will never change in this. You know how stubborn I can be. And I'll never abandon you, or give up on you , or turn on you, or scream at you, or demean you. And I could never be mad at you.... drill that one into you head next to the I love you. I know there were times you hung back... kept distant... because you thought I'd be upset, but I'm here to tell you... I won't, I will never be upset. So put fear and worry aside and trust that you are always safe with me and can always come to me with anything.

Notes:

And no one deserves to heal more than you do, and I know I'm not perfect, but I promise you I will be that safe space for you.

Notes:

Got stuck at the highschool crosswalk as a soccer practice got out, watched some of the kids and their parents cross. Looked like a happy loving family.... and their son, lanky with a head of curly black hair. NGL, made my heart lurch. And THEN, cause my damn phone is psychic, our song came on... and I had to drive home trying not to cry, and failing miserably. Lol

... love you J, sooo so so very much

Notes:

added to new in Dbox. Mostly random things... screenshots, musings, poems, posts. Will put birthday gifts in there when time comes! Love you kiddo. *hugs*

Notes:

I've said this before, but I wish I knew everything you're going through and feeling so I could find the right words to say to help you feel seen, safe, and supported. I would hold you and keep you safe forever, give you my strength whenever you need it. I will always be here for you, I will always give you all of me, and I love you, very much. That will never end.
We will get to the end of this though, and I will give you the biggest hug possible, and so much love you won't know what to do with yourself.

Notes:

Hey kiddo,
How are you doing? Did you make it back to the states? I'm sending you love and hugs....
💙💙💙💙🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂💙💙💙💙💙💙🫂🫂💙🫂💙💙💙🫂🫂🫂🫂💙💙💙💙💙🫂🫂💙🫂🫂🫂💙💙💙🫂💙🫂🫂🫂🫂💙💙💙🫂🫂💙🫂💙💙
We're being flooded with pumpkin spice everything. John got me a pumpkin pie drink but it tasted like wood and chemicals, don't recommend 😭😭😭.
Love you infinitely and for always

Editing to add.... I'm addicted to these dark chocolate wafer cookies now... thankfully they don't come in pumpkin spice flavor 😭😂

Ps: we have a mini-moon for 2 months! That asteroid got snagged up in Earth's gravity I guess and will do one orbit and then slingshot back out into space. IDK why I'm telling you this. I guess because you like space. *hugs*

Notes:

You always told me to say what's in my heart... so that's what I do, what I've always done. You deserve nothing less. I love you J, to the moon and back. I always will. You will always be my son, and you will always be in my head and in my heart. The world you fell in love with will always be yours. I will always be yours, I will always want you here, I will always give you all that I am, and I will always be so proud of you. Hold on to that.

I wish I could hug you
I wish I knew you were ok
I wish I could be better...
you deserve better

Love you, infinitely

Momma 💙

Notes:

Please be ok...

Notes:

Notes:

Watched some horror movies alone in the dark last night. The Ritual- good movie, very tense, eldritch horror, highly enjoyed. Last Voyage of the Demeter-Dracula on a boat.... had potential, but ultimately ended up bored. Out of Darkness-Stone age horror? Not really scary at all, music and sound design excellent though. Just ended up being sad in the end. Need more movies of existential dread.

I've got an over abundance of fruit here. 3 watermelons, 2 cantaloupes, and a bag of funky grapes! Not to mention all the veg. It's ratatouille, poblano chowder, stuffed peppers, and salsa season.

What else.... oh, managed to cover myself with gold paint cause the lid was stuck on and it exploded when it finally came off 👍🏻

Fridge tax:

Love you kiddo 💙🫂💙

Notes:

I had a dream... He was a bit younger, middle school? So like 13 maybe. I asked if I needed to sign anything and he said no, but that he got me a present and he pulls out this bag and dumps the contents out and it's just, there's a book. I don't remember what the book was, but there were stickers and like notepads and just all this stuff that had "I love you, momma" on it, and he gave me a hug and just kind of like leaned into me and I held him for a while and then I kissed him on the top of his head, called him a dork and started to tickle him and he was giggling, then I hugged him tight and told him I loved him. And then I woke up, and it was so vivid and I just wanted to fall back asleep and go back there into that moment and stay there forever.

Notes:

Gods I miss you. I don't know that anyone other than you understands just how much.

Notes:

Whose heart is whole?
Whose life has not been wronged?
The composer
sitting alone in the locked ward, playing the shadows
like a piano -
Life is like that: madness
Be the one in this world of furious burning
Who hears your life's great chaos
as a song.

- Joseph Fasano

Notes:

Did I ever tell you I wanted to be an interior decorator at one point? Never actually happened, I'd probably be mediocre at best. You seem to have triggered whatever was left of that though. This is either going to be amazing, or a total disaster, but I think you'll love it either way. No sneak peaks though.....

Ok small one

 

 

Ps: I have found the hot sauce for you. 😈

PPS: one more week! Prepare to be buried in an avalanche of love, hugs, and gifts. There's still time too... if you wanted me to visit... I'd do it.

Love you kiddo. 💙

Notes:

I have drawn this masterpiece for you. IDK why life looks vaguely like Steve, but I look like the total badass that I am. Yes, your momma is a badass, where do you think you got it from? My hellion child. You're my chaotic feral kiddo, I am Chaos. But I'm also Calm, and Safety, and Love, and Healing, and Peace. You know this. I'll take down evil gods for you, and give you warm mom hugs and a kiss on the forehead after, and watch over you so you sleep sound. You want to be angry and rage? I'll make space for you to get it all out. I've got you, I will always help see you through things.

Fucking mom power right there... and it's all for you, cause I'd do anything for you. Love you more than life.

(Fucking laughing cause Jim just looks so concerned.)

Notes:

Sacrificial Bular acquired

Notes:

found these while scrolling through messages last night. They make my heart feel warm 😌

Notes:

I love you mi̱ko, with all that I am
I miss you terribly
Sending all the love and hugs I can
💙💙💙💙🫂🫂🫂💙💙💙🫂💙🫂💙🫂🫂🫂💙💙🫂💙🫂

Notes:

My memory is absolute shit, but I remember every role play bit, every conversation, every I love you momma, every terrifying moment I thought I'd lost you, everything you said you love, every hope and dream you said you have. Everything that was said. All of it, with perfect clarity. That's how special it is and how much you mean to me.

Notes:

I have a full supply of various weighted blankets now. So good

Notes:

I'm your dumbass, but I'll be your nobody too 💙

Notes:

and there is this from July, it's in dbox too but not sure you ever got to listen since you were in Greece

Notes:

I really was serious.... happy extra birthday? Super early Christmas?

 

 

This one is fun because it gives you ideas/examples, and then a space for sketching.

 

 

I know this is one of your loves. I'm not trying to force that career path though. It's for you to play around and have fun with on your own, study if you want, but let loose, see how you like it from a more academic perspective. If it makes you more excited and sure of that choice then awesome. If you find you hate it, still awesome! I'm excited and proud either way. I just want to give you the support of your passions and help you find the path you want to go down. It's not something I had, and since I was left to try and figure it out on my own, I basically washed out of everything. I won't continue that cycle with you.

I know you made a promise to them to "get your life together", and the consequences of... but that was forced from a place of control, manipulation, and abuse. Coerced promises shouldn't need to be honored. That should never have been done to you. And I'm undoing it. I'm not going to make you pledge the same. I want you to find a career you love, I want you to thrive in life, have that happiness and sense of fulfillment and pride in yourself and have fun, have your friends, have a social presence... that is coming from a place of love, and support. That's not going to bloom from a place of dictation and control. That's a battle that is extremely hard to win. It's one you don't have to fight. I don't want you to have to fight for that.

So I'm making a promise to you, which is the way it SHOULD be, to help and support you with love, and if it turns out Architecture is it, or you go through 15 different options before deciding you want to open a pet store or something, I will be passionate, and supportive about each and every one. And I will help, yes, but in a way where you also build self confidence, self reliance, and independence. But even then, after everything, and you go on to build your life, even then, you'll still have my support. Self reliance doesn't mean you're on your own and I walk away. Mom for life. I love you kiddo.

Momma 💙

Notes:

καρδιά μου,

I wish we could sit and chat for a bit, somewhere besides ao3 comments. You know, at least I hope you do, everything I've ever said and done has been from my heart and God's honest truth, and I will swear that on my eternal soul. I love you, you're my son, I'm going to get you here, and I'm going to legally adopt you, that has never changed. We're so close.

It's 3:30am, IDEK what point I'm getting at or if you ever came back to reading these daily. Reassurance, I guess? For both of us. Just... talk to me (sooner), yeah? Please. *hugs*
I'm sorry if none of this makes any sense.

Notes:

Hold on, stay true to yourself, escape. Get here, I will do everything in my power to help you heal.

Notes:

Pppssssttttt. Hey kiddo, I have questions.
I have a vision kind of, for Christmas. You said armor... like, specifically the trollhunters armor? Ohhh.. dark excalibur..... Or just any kind of armor in general? And for Si, I want to make sure to be respectful, religiously... hair covered or? If you think of any other details, or any other gifts you would like, lemme know. Already got some things 😌 Usually I just know this stuff, pick it out from things you've talked about. 😭

Which brings me to a request. Two months is.... too long, honestly. 😔 I hate this feeling of disconnect, and don't you dare feel guilty or apologize. No, stop it. *extra extra extra times 3 tight hugs* I love you dear heart, we're ok. I know I keep asking this, and I'm sorry... just... could you keep me updated? In the loop? About you, how you're feeling, things going on in your life... ? Dreams, celebrity crushes, new things you like, theater? New friends? Funny shit, just say hi.. Anything.
Please... ok I'll shut up about it now, I know I'm being annoying... I'm sorry

You are my whole world, and I love you, my brilliant shining son, endlessly. Love you more than my heart can contain. Love you more than all the love ever felt by anyone in this universe combined. *♾️ tight hugs*

Momma
💙

Notes:

Notes:

I'd always felt like I, my life, my soul, had a part that was supposed to be there but was missing.... until I found you and you slotted into place like you'd always been there. You became such a part of me... always meant to be there
Always meant to be
Always

My son

I love you

I will always be your home

Notes:

Did you know there's a shipwreck on the beach in Astoria? I'll add it to the list. Astoria is also where Goonies was filmed... but I'm pretty sure you haven't seen it, it's old, like 1985 old lol. I'll add Goonies to the movie list!
If you're curious, the ship is the Peter Iredale.

Notes:

One of the other beaches I wanted to take you too!! This one is a short hike down from a lighthouse. The sound is literally amazing. It's probably the most relaxing noise ever. Plus there are awesome tide pools at low tide, a ton of sea lions, sometimes otters, and a lot of times there are whales feeding just out past the rocks.

Love you J

Notes:

Throwback Thursday to when we went as zombies to a barn Halloween party and all the children there were scared of John because he refused to smile.

(Very unprofessional makeup by me using random shit we already had.... white and charcoal eye shadow, and pretty sure the fake blood is just lip gloss lol)

Watched Alien: Romulus.... just gonna sleep with all the lights on forever now.

Notes:

Doomslugs on parade. Totally not a bedroom sneak peek... nope. 🙂‍↔️🙂‍↕️

I had an idea... and Pinky and others thought it was good.... but since you can't update very often online, postcards might work? They are cheap, don't require a return address, or envelope, readily available at pretty much any corner store, gas station, grocery... some places you can buy, write and mail all in one place. Unless you have other ways we could keep in touch? IDK, just an idea.

Notes:

Got a halloween lego set

Also, I have done my part and voted. It's even more important to me now, because I want a country where you are able to have a bright and safe future.

Notes:

*Send this to all your favourite moots and pass the pumpkin round! KEEP THE PUMPKIN TRAIN GOING 🎃🖤🎃🖤🎃*

Just.... for old times sake. Love you kiddo. You're my favorite person in the whole world. 💙

Notes:

Got you more boooookkkkkssss heeheheheeeee. On engineering 😌
Ooohhhhh... you can combine the two, you'd be like ultimate Jim on gravesand with a grittshaka.... unstoppable force.

Notes:

I was looking for something and came across old conversations from when you were in hospital... and you probably don't remember this, you thought you'd failed to be an ordinary person.... and you were partially right, because you aren't ordinary.... no, you are extraordinary. You are an extraordinary person, my son, in so many ways. I hope you can see that. You are an extraordinary person and you deserve extraordinary things.

Notes:

Soon, not ever again. We'll get you here, and I will do everything in my power to help you from feeling that hurt...

Notes:

And I would give anything for it. Cherish every single moment.

Notes:

Not permanent though, you are not broken, and you have me now, we just have to get you here.

Notes:

I'm dying ROFLMAO 🤣
From the Oregon voter's pamphlet

(follow the instructions at the end)
We salute you Michael Selvaggio, you mad lad genius. 🫡

You ever bite into a hot slice of pizza and absolutely destroy the roof of your mouth? Yeah..... the bigger lesson here though, is don't eat anything with salt on it later... trust me on this. 😭

Notes:

Adding the Rice Museum to the list... it's not what you think... also it's really close by. I've never been but everyone who has, loves it. I'll just say, Toby would love it.

Also... watching horror movies until November, and some asshat set off large fireworks because reasons? I might have lost a couple of years off my life and gained 50 grey hairs.

Notes:

You can do this, we can do this. I know you can. I believe in you. Love you kiddo.

No fireworks during tonights movie thankfully... cause it was proper creepy.

Notes:

I will always be that proud parent now

You should watch The Wild Robot

Just goats in halloween costumes....

Notes:

Excuse me while I have a righteous mom anger moment.

The only parents that force their children to make promises like that, are abusers. That isn't normal, that isn't support, that isn't love. It's abuse, it's control, it's manipulation and isolation. I won't stand for it, and you do not have to keep it. You are a person worthy of unconditional love and unending support and compassion. You are not her fucking scapegoat puppet, you aren't anyone's thing to control. You are my son, and you are worthy and deserving of everything good, every kindness, respect, overflowing love, every bit of support and help that lifts you up, not drags you down into the dark. I won't abandon you in the dark. I'm never letting go.

Never letting go... what it means when I tell you that. There is a huge difference between us (me and her). Where one means chained and imprisoned by control... the other would be a supportive and encouraging hug that is always there when you need it, and is still there, softly in the background, when you don't. It means always being there for you, never giving up, being the best I can be for you. Because you deserve that. You do. I love you kiddo, and you will never, ever, lose my love. Mom for life.

Notes:

I'm officially making Thursday, throwback Thursday. It'll be fun.... and embarrassing... for me.

So happy halloween and here's, what.... 11-12 year old me??? Fuck IDK, anyway... here's me as Cleopatra for halloween. Enjoy, laugh even. I don't mind... in fact, that's the point. 😌💙

Notes:

Laughs in spice


Ps: put all the jimtober arts on dbox for you, just in case you were interested.

Notes:

Coercive control is now included in the California penal code under domestic violence as any form of manipulation that is meant to control a person's actions. Including but not limited to threats of physical violence.

Notes:

Here is a little Oregon factoid for you.... 😭

A dead sperm whale washed up on shore in Florence OR in 1970, and in an effort to get rid of the body, OHD/ODOT blew it up with dynamite, throwing bits of rotting whale 800 feet away and causing a massive stink (literally). It was even parodied in a Simpsons episode. There's a commemorative plaque at the beach, we can totally visit it if you want. I promise it smells better now. Actually might be worth visiting, there's the Sea Lion Caves, and Heceta Head lighthouse in Florence. If we do the roadtrip from CA to here thing, it's technically on the way.

Notes:

Notes:

Was downtown, talking with someone about an art thing and the subject of college came up, and I was telling them about you and how you wanted to be an architect... and I'd looked at this at one point.... but according to them, the architecture program at PSU is exceptional. It's easily accessible by transit... and... you know, I uhmm... have a college fund set up for you... yeah...

*sigh* stuff I'd wanted to talk to you about but thought we had more time, and I figured that was probably a given anyway considering that I'm literally your momma/adopting you. Also, gap semesters/years are a good thing... especially when we have so many museums to visit, whales to watch, stars to see, and shows to binge (meaning I'm not going to be all haahaahahaaa you must go straight back into the school grind, I want you to rest a bit, to heal... I've learned things.. but they can wait till another post).

I hope that I haven't said or done anything wrong or upsetting or angering. I'm navigating without a compass here, with nothing to really guide me. I know I fuck up sometimes... and I own those, and am sorry. And I'm not saying it feels like I have! Just that, if I have, I'm sorry.

Sorry... This is such a weird, disjointed post today, gods. I'm in a weird and slightly terrified headspace with daylight savings time and election day and all the other BS. Too much stress. I'm going to end up stress cleaning the bathroom tonight... or eating all the leftover halloween candy.

Just.... the most important thing, is that I love you, more than anything in this world, more than life. Always have, and forever will... and I am so fucking proud of you... never stopped being, not once. *♾️ hugs*
💙
Momma

Notes:

At least I have one good thing in my life... you. Love you kiddo 💙

Notes:

Throwback Thursday!
Did you know I used to be a model? Lol.... don't ask me what I'm doing, did I fall asleep???? Who knows. WTF am I wearing? Don't know that either, but at least I looked cute. Kind of...

 

Notes:

I just want to hug you... 💙🫂💙
Love you kiddo.

Notes:

Decorated your room a bit today! OML I can't wait for you to see this 😌✨🌊💙
Love you mi̱ko. Sending you all the hugs
💙💙🫂🫂🫂🫂💙🫂💙🫂💙🫂🫂🫂💙🫂💙🫂💙🫂🫂🫂💙🫂💙🫂💙💙💙🫂🫂💙🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂💙💙💙🫂

Notes:

So back a few chapters (173) I said I'd learned things. Well I uploaded some stuff on dbox in important things. It's hope.

Also, a very important question that you should think on for the future.... newts? Or fish? Or... both? You can tell me later, but whatever you choose, I'll absolutely make it happen. 💙

Love you bunches and bunches 💙🫂💙

Notes:

I uploaded some stuff on dbox in important things.

Notes:

Behold.... Stickscalibur!!!!

uploaded some stuff on dbox in important things.

Notes:

Throwback Thursday!

In 2003, a group of online friends got together and went to Prescott Arizona (for Siya, it was a car group!). The Texas peopled joined up with us New Mexico people for the trip. We stopped at the Jackrabbit Trading Post in Joseph City Arizona on old route 66... because it has a 10 ft tall jackrabbit statue.... so naturally we had to take a group photo... and naturally I loudly declared it was mine, ran ahead, and climbed on top of the thing. We were a fun and wacky group. I'll have to take you on the whole 4 corners tour one day... Arizona, New Mexico, Colorado and Utah. Full of national and state parks, mountains, and wild desert beauty.

Notes:

Notes:

I don't know how often you read these anymore, but I left some stuff on dbox, and I told Siya about it too. I love you... I'm terrified of losing you. Hold on to me kiddo.. just.. fuck... sorry
I love you

You matter... so much.

Notes:

I guess we're getting hit by a stupid bomb cyclone and it's going to dump record amounts of rain. So here's the maple with all it's fall colours, because it probably won't have any leaves by the end of the week

 

PS: working on Christmas art... you're a total BAMF king mi̱ko. Love you.

Notes:

Ps: left you a video and stuff in dbox...

Notes:

I still randomly scroll through things

Couldn't sleep, made a video, it's in dbox

Notes:

Notes:

I wish you could read the notes and watch the video I left, but just know I love you and I miss you kiddo, more than anything in this life.

Notes:

I'm going to get you here, and I'm adopting your ass and you're gonna be so loved and supported you won't know what to do with yourself. It's why I started posting here. I knew you never wanted to say goodbye, and I wanted you to still have all that love to see you through. I've taken to making random videos for you to see when you can. I wish I could do more though. I wish I could be there. I was supposed to protect you...
But I will make it all up to you. I promise.
Love you to the moon and back. 💙🫂💙

Notes:

Is it better if I put these videos on youtube instead of in Dbox?
I love you mi̱ko

Notes:

John went home to NY for the holiday so it's just me and the pumpkin pie he left with me here. 😭. It's fine, I'm just here working on Christmas stuff. Miss you kiddo. 💙

Left this for you, it's also in dbox

Notes:

Yeah, I'm your dumbass, and I love you so, so very much. 💙

Notes:

Was at the store and they had Haribo bears at the checkout... and I know it's kind of dumb because you can get them literally everywhere, but I bought a bag.... for you.... they just, reminded me of you, so they will be here waiting. I miss you and I love you mi̱ko. 💙🫂💙

Momma

Notes:

I gots new shoes

December tradition here... we do fancy chocolate advent calendars. I know you hate chocolate, so we'll have to find you something you love (or I can put together a custom one), but if you want to try any of the chocolate out, I'll split mine with you. That's how much I love you dumbass, I would willingly give up chocolate to you.

Notes:

I'm doing this stupid deco my tree. For anyone who wants to do the deco my tree and leave messages

Notes:

I'm made a yeti Christmas ornament and it's so derpy 😭

Notes:

Guess what kiddo!! Happy anniversary? tumblrversary?? On this day, December 4th 2023 we tumbled (ha) into each other's lives. Thank you Jim for sucking at dating!
Love you J, and forever will. 💙

Notes:

I think that counts as officially official now or something ☺️
Love you bunches, love you always son of mine.
💙🫂💙

Notes:

Lookit what my top played song for 2024 is.

Notes:

Oregon keeps collecting official Dark Sky areas, so now we have choices! The original campground I found, Alvord Desert, a tiny town called Antelope, a park and another campground. I have the special red light flashlights already. Just need tent and stuff! I'll have to check the map, but probably worth hitting whichever has Bend en route and we can stay a night in Sunriver and go to the observatory.

Notes:

I made you this 😭

I was thinking.... I'm not that great yet, but I wanna attempt to make a Christmas stocking... for you. Probably won't get one done for this year, your art takes precedence. But definitely next year.

Anway, I Love You, I'm proud of you, drink water, stay safe, and smile at least once for me 💙🫂💙

Notes:

There is an evergreen tree growing in the median of hwy 26 just north of here. It's the lone singular tree for a long stretch. Every year people decorate it for Christmas. I don't know who, or when they do it, I've never actually seen anyone... but every year like clockwork, decorations appear. Earlier in the week it just had a reindeer, but today it had ribbon and a bunch of Christmas balls. I've always wanted to stop and put something on. Maybe we could do that?

Notes:

Every year we go to a tree farm and cut down a Christmas tree and get pumpkin donuts and apple cider and pet the animals. We always end up with the fatest tree ever. Then, and this is the best part, we shove it in the back of my car. Sometimes they're too tall so the hatch won't shut so we just tie it closed lol.

Notes:

Tis the season!

I know you aren't a fan, though you might like one from dark chocolate if you have a craving? But I'm thinking of toasty drinks that would be a good replacement... cider? But that's actually more sugar cause fruit juice. Chai? Peppermint tea? I'm looking at the mandarins on the counter, spiced citrus tea... we'll figure it out. Sorry 😭, I just don't want you to be (or feel) left out. I'll make you whatever you would like. 💙

Notes:

All the lamps in your room can be controlled by an app. You can turn them off and on, save different settings, change colors, even put them to music lol.

Notes:

Today the advent calendar had gnomes

Yes, I bit their heads off first 😈

Ps: exams are hard, don't stress too much over them. I'm proud of you no matter what grade you get. As for her, keep yourself safe and try not to let her bullshit get to you. You, my dear, are never ever a disappointment, and never will be. So hold onto that in your heart... and that you are loved, you are worthy, you are enough... just as you are, and you make me so proud.
💙

Momma

Notes:

Got a song for you kiddo
Rise by The Fever Dreams
(Spotify link)
Actually that whole playlist updated, although I think it duplicated some songs so I need to clean it up a bit.

Notes:

I hope you are doing ok kiddo. I saw your area of the state is on fire again. Also, someone pointed me towards this strategy for helping to survive narc abuse when you cannot leave yet. It's basically become boring and do not engage.


They said be careful to not do it 24/7 though because that can be bad too, and then get out as soon as possible. Remember, you turn 18 that makes you a legal adult who can legally leave... and I will drop everything and I will come. Remember that no matter how bad it gets... it won't stay that way, so don't let go... remember there is hope, there is love... hold on to that, always, because it's already yours. Live... and come for it.

Notes:

OMG.... we started watching a show called The Lazarus Project. It's about a secret organization that saves the world from things like extinction level events by triggering a time loop... except shit gets all fucked up. It's so good though, unlike the end of RotT. We just started season 2. I could totally binge it all day. What I'm really looking forward to binging though, is Merlin with you. Ohhh we could binge The Demon Headmaster and Ghosts (American version) too. Love you J. *hugs*
💙

Notes:

Valid 😭

Love you dear heart

Notes:

Notes:

Christmas also reminds me of the prank gift/SAT words post Jim made... which sadly, I could not find on tumbr 😭. I did save this though 😅


But in the spirit of that post, I got husband a prank gift.... giant 11x11 inch post-it notes. Funny but useful!! 🤭
One day you'll have to remind me to tell you about the time I prank gifted my sister's boyfriend...

Notes:

My stomach just made a noise that sounded like a velociraptor... WTF

Notes:

Notes:

😭

Notes:

Days like these are for laying around in sweats or PJs with a warm drink and some snacks and binging tv/movies or catching up on fics.

PS: I'm assuming Christmas morning, but if eve works better just let me know then and I'll post (it's already typed up)

Notes:

Notes:

I put those both on YouTube if that's easier.
vid 1
vid 2
vid 3

Notes:

The tags.... she was right then, and still is now. You're not losing me, not ever.

Notes:

Christmas gifts post is chapter 219

Notes:

Christmas gifts post is chapter 219
💙

Notes:

Christmas gifts post is chapter 219
I worry... that was...... 8 days ago?
Love you mi̱ko, I hope everything is ok....
💙

Notes:

Christmas gifts post is chapter 219

Notes:

Please...
Christmas gifts post is chapter 219

Notes:

I got you a plant :D
It's a Peperomia tetraphylla aka... Hope

Christmas gifts post is chapter 219

Notes:

Christmas post is ch 219

Notes:

Christmas is ch 219

Notes:

No one knows what comes after this but
I've always hoped that it was you
'Cause you're the one thing I believe in
When I lose faith in all I do
When I close my eyes, in the darkness l see you

Notes:

I wrote a little poem

Christmas is ch 219

Notes:

Christmas is ch 219

Notes:

For teens in abusive or troubled homes, 18 is considered the age of majority making you a legal adult. When you turn 18, it is your legal right as an adult to pack your bags and leave and no one can stop you. This applies in most states in the USA, and most European countries (including the UK). Be safe, and if possible, do not let your abuser know you are leaving (this applies for everyone leaving abuse, not just teens).
When I said you come when you are an adult and she cannot stop you? This is what I meant. You are a legal adult at 18, and I know you know how to disappear. So When you hit 18 mi̱ko, you get out and you contact me ok? Damnit, I will come get you. If it becomes unsafe for you, or you just can't anymore... get out. Grab your ID/passport, your meds and some cash. Anything else can be replaced... you are irreplaceable though. She is not worth your life. You are worth so so so much more than that, and you have so many people who love you, and you have a safe place. *hugs*.
Be safe please, remember that there is always hope, and remember I love you

Notes:

Christmas is ch 219

Notes:

Love you mi̱ko. I hope you are ok and safe out there. *extra tight hugs*

Notes:

So.....


Miss you lovebug...
Christmas is ch 219

Notes:

Remember this post?

Well..... guess what I found? Framed it and put it on your desk... 💙

Love you mi̱ko

Notes:

Christmas is ch 219

Notes:

Notes:

I'm not giving up on you. Never ever. I love you kiddo, you're my son and always will be. I have faith that you'll come back, that you will make it through this and make it here. Please don't give up on yourself and don't give up on me. I know that it's hard, more than anything, I know. But I will endure it and survive, for you. Because I love you, and because you deserve this hope and love, because you are worth everything. I'm not leaving, I'm not letting go... you are my whole world, my little jakedaw... you are everything to me, and always will be. Love you to the moon and back, love you more than there are stars in every universe, forever and always will.

Notes:

Christmas is ch 219

Notes:

Your room has the best sunset view in the house

Notes:

Christmas is ch 219

Notes:

Notes:

Dumbass you better be ok!
Please be ok....

Christmas was ch 219
Love you mi̱ko

Notes:

I'm making you a thing :D

Notes:

I love you for being you. The messy, complicated, beautiful, real version of you. I'll love you on the days when you're shining and on the days when you can barely hold it together, and every day in between. I'm not just sticking around for the easy parts, I embrace the hard ones too, because you're my son... and to me, all of you is worth loving unconditionally.

You don't need to hide your quirks or silence your feelings. That rawness is a gift, not a flaw. You don't have to change, or tone it down, or fit into a mold to deserve that love. You deserve love that's safe, and kind, and built on acceptance, not conditions. I don't want you to question your worth, I want to remind you of it, every single day... because you are worth everything.

I love you kiddo, always and forever will.

Momma 💙

Notes:

Christmas was ch 219

Notes:

Notes:

Pinky sent me a picture!!

Christmas is ch 219,

Notes:

Love you my little jakedaw, love you endlessly 💙

Notes:

Heh.... I hate videos of myself.... but I feel compelled to make them for you ROFS. You can see every moment when whatever thought I had evaporated mid sentence 🤦🏻‍♀️ Work stupid brain!!! Brain: No
😭

Anyway... I read poetry, about feelings, cause I'm a ✨dork✨ and a dumbass, and I love you too much and I miss you. But, as important it is to express feelings, even crying, having a safe place and a safe person to hold that space for you, or step out so you can take a moment... or hold you even, is just as important. Yes, it's ok to cry, it's ok to be mad, it's ok to love, it's ok to be sad, or happy, or scared, or apathetic, or whatever. It's ok for those feelings to be big, it's ok for them to be small, as long as it's not because someone is making you be small. It is ok to feel, and anyone that thinks less of you, or chastises you, or gets mad, or makes fun isn't worth keeping around. And I promise you, I'll always be a safe space, whether I'm by your side or out of the room. You'll get nothing but love and support from me.

I love you dear heart, I miss you, and I'm so very proud of you. (Oh and I put the vid in with all the other stuff on dbox)

Notes:

Notes:

Bedroom teaser. Thank you to Siya for the idea

Christmas was ch 219 or 252

Notes:

Frog

I found a girl on IG that has rescued reptiles and amphibians, including a delightful group of frogs that share half a braincell and are constantly trying to eat her fingers. They are feral derps. It's delightful and silly.
Zero thoughts, head empty

Adding this in.... they will try and eat anything 😭😭

I have someone I want to introduce you to at some point because I think talking with would be extremely validating. She was abused as well and ended up with the same diagnosis, but was able to heal completely. Now she's a mom, an author, has a happy, peaceful life and advocates for others, that fully healing is a possibility.

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ok, my hellion! You get home.. the game is on! You, me, and some tortillas! This is an official challenge lol.

 

Lol... it snowed at the coast

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It's only 8:15, why am I so tired 😭😭😭😭

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I've been learning so much about trauma recovery from people who have been through it and come out the other side in such a better place. People who were abused, who were told they had BPD, or schizophrenia, or bipolar. People that healed and went on to have happy, fairly normal lives. One woman healed her schizophrenia completely. She gave me the names of some trauma informed therapists here locally.

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💙

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I survived snowpocalypse 2025


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The person living in the house behind us is out in their driveway juggling fire 😳
I wish I could have gotten pics but trees were in the way.
We made everything soup tonight, it came out nicely spicy, you'd like.

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THIS ANIMATION IS BASICALLY US ROFLMAO!!!
*INCOHERENTSCREAMING💙💙💙💙💙🫂💙💙💙💙🫂💙🫂💙💙💙💙🫂💙🫂💙💙💙🫂💙😆💙💙🫂💙💙💙💙💙💙💙INCOHERENTSCREAMING*
(You'll want sound)

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Making you an extra soft and warm throw blanket right now...

But ordered yarn to make you something a little bit special.... a little bit of doom 😌

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Θα σ'αγαπώ για πάντα, γιε μου, καρδιά μου αγαπημένη

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Si, Cass, K, Dawn, Dee, everyone ... emrys fam
We have to get him out of that hell and get him here. I am literally begging...

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Venus has been especially bright so I took a picture for you.
Here are some facts about Venus!!

• Venus rotates very slowly, taking 243 Earth days to rotate once, which is longer than its 225-day orbit around the sun. A day on Venus takes longer than a year.
• It rotates in the opposite direction of Earth and most other planets.
• Venus has a thick atmosphere that traps heat, making it the hottest planet in our solar system, with a surface temperature of around 870° F (470° C).
• The atmosphere is 90 times more massive than Earth's. It's made up of 96% carbon dioxide, 3% nitrogen, and other gases like sulfur dioxide and water vapor.
• Venus has a thick layer of sulfuric acid clouds that cover the entire planet.
• It has an active surface, including volcanoes.
• It has no moons, and no magnetic field.
• Sometimes it is called Earth's twin because it is about the same size and mass, and has similar composition.
• Venus is also called the morning star. (thanks Kohanna!)

PS: that's the view from YOUR room.

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Continuing last weeks space themed post... this is Saturn's moon, Daphnis.

Daphnis orbits within the Keeler Gap in Saturn's dense A ring. As it orbits, it creates gravitational ripples on the edges of the gap as ring particles are attracted toward the moon and then fall back down toward the ring. The waves made by the moon in the inner edge of the gap precede it in orbit, while those on the outer edge lag behind it, due to the differences in relative orbital speed. Photo was taken by Cassini
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There is going to be a total lunar eclipse Thursday!
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Eclipse schedule

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Was trying to take a picture of the flowers for you but then all ✨hail✨ broke loose...


Lol, confusing perspective
Also added a stupid video to dbox... it's not really much of anything, lot of wind. It's in the main folder.

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Almost done! One more visit, for blue colour and a few touch ups.

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I have found something to add to the list! It can be part of any trip to the coast. I learned that we have agate beaches here and you can collect a gallon of them. We can channel our inner Toby! Plus just seems like a nice relaxing thing to do at the coast.

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I made you a blanket 😭
It's soft, and warm, and even has a slightly weighted feel. I made it for your *redacted* :D

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This κόκορας was in the tree outside your window chasing all the smaller birds away. No idea what it was eating, it's a maple tree... there's no fruit. Bugs maybe? Anyway, took its picture for you. It's a scrub jay (Aphelocoma californica). It's one of three jay species here, the others being Steller's and Gray jays. Steller's are probably my favorite... very pretty. Gray jays steal your food.... while you are eating it... 😡 And scrub jays are just loud assholes lol
There were chickadees and juncos too today.

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Happy first day of spring, lovebug 💙

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Got you a book, kind of along the same vein as Devil Walks, but more weirdly magical. It's funny and wicked and a bit insane and I think you might love it.


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doomslug! My phone thinks the doomslug is a poodle 😭😭😭

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Just going through old tumblr posts and OMFG the shenanigans... seriously, when you get home we are so bringing this back maybe like... once a week... we need the fun and laughs and insanity I think. Remember the Secret Society of Anons and Siya and me getting shot with poison arrows? Smiting dino dude? THESNOWBALLFIGHT (which, BTW... I might have thought up an indoor snowball fight game.... we just need more than three people... it's a work in progress lol)?!!!?!!!!?!! Doesn't even need to be THs... we can be our crazy ass selves lol

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If you see this, there's a bunch of important stuff plus some videos, on dropbox. Love you and miss you dear heart...
Momma 💙

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WHERE ARE YOU DUMBASS?? I MADE YOU A DOOMSLUG! IT'S FULL OF LOVE AND SASS AND CHAOS AND SOME TEARS TOO CAUSE I FUCKING LOVE AND MISS YOU....




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Spaced out Sunday? Yes

Mimas, Saturn's Moon
Clearest image captured by NASA's Cassini spacecraft.
Credit: NASA

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...

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Heh
This reminded me of you calling that one dude a grey sprinkle, sass-master that you are.

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