Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Ari Kreet knew she was different. Not that it truly mattered, but she was even if it wasn’t something that people knew about.

Not in the physical ways that everyone else was, in that they were from different planets or aged slower or faster then others. And not in the Force where Ari overheard older padawans talk in the refectory about how they were getting training in the Living Force by growing plants or healing wounds or in the Unifying Force when Jedi sought guidance from visions. Everyone was different in those ways and it wasn’t something to make a big deal about.

Sure, Ari was slightly different in the fact that she came from a planet that had not allowed - or, well, their kitlings had not chosen - to join the Jedi Order in the last millennium. Their species was rather long lived, similarly to their Wookie allies and were fairly isolationist because of it. Thankfully, her juvenile stage would only last twenty years, similar to most species, and her parents had given her the choice that all star-touched kitlings made at four and with the Force’s guidance, joined the Jedi Order.

With a lot of fussing on her parents' part, reminders to get back in touch when she was knighted, and a few cultural gifts.

Though that was also something different, her willingness to trust what the Force directed her towards. Apparently that was something that had to be trained into Jedi children. 

It honestly just seemed like common sense to her. If the omniscient, benevolent energy entity that spanned the universe decided something was important enough to tell you, it seemed smart to follow it. Even if it seemed bonkers crazy and liable to get you killed (which Ari learned later didn’t usually happen if a Jedi continued to listen to the Force.)

Though that was probably the reason some force sensitives didn’t want to become Jedi since they were supposed to follow the Will of the Force and essentially put their lives on the line for the good of others. Which she was okay with. Life was meaningless if you didn’t dedicate to helping others in some way, not that many people seemed to get the memo.

But that wasn’t what she was referring to either. 

She had dreams; vivid, lifelike dreams, of another life. 

Her own life, if her friends were to be believed and she had to agree, with how they seemed to never evaporate by the dawn of the day, these dreams, and instead seemed to settle right next to any other experience she ever had, remembered in kyber clear detail - perfect recall a seeming side effect of these visions.

The best part of these visions -slash- memories, was the fact she wasn't the only one who had them. Even if she had never read about the phenomenon anywhere else.

“Ari! Come on, don’t get distracted! We’ll fall behind!”

Ari squeaked as a hand pulled at one of her neck feathers and slapped at it, pulling her gaze from the rows of books whose titles promised information on the Force and Visions to a short dark hair, dark skinned human girl behind her who had jumped away at the sudden outstretched arm.

“Don’t pull like that! You know it hurts.” Ari whined, even she straightened her tunic and scurried after the girl, who slowed down as they approached their crechemaster and clan.

“Well, maybe if you paid attention, I wouldn’t. And I thought you were excited for this?” Ezra raised an eyebrow quizzically. Their creche was going to be taught about the archives and Educational Corps. Not all force sensitives raised in the creche would be able to become Jedi initiates like they had just done and it was good for younglings to know the different options they had as Jedi to specialize in. Some would be going back to their families, who for the most part, were either former Jedi who left the order for one reason or another or parents who gave their children to the creche for a time to be taught how to control their force sensitivity but didn’t want them to become Jedi. Some younglings, even when given up by their parents to become trained in the honored and respected vocation and lifestyle of the Jedi, simply didn’t want to become Jedi, whether it be because of the danger they would most likely be in or some other reason, and were sent to schools who would teach them their trades or careers. And some simply weren’t suited to the lifestyle of being a Jedi. 

Then there were those who didn’t want to become Jedi, but did want to remain part of the Jedi Order and instead were trained to become a part of either the Medical, Educational, Exploration, or Agricultural Corps by an order from the Council of Reassignment. 

Ezra, an Alderaani girl who joined the creche when she was two, remembered a life where she had been a teacher for younglings and loved it. She already had the plan that after she would be knighted, she wanted to join the Educorps and become a crechemaster. One of the central tenets of the Jedi order was of teaching and education, of understanding each other and loving people for all their differences, and these ideas and ideals had made Ezra all the more excited to have an opportunity to teach such things to younglings.

Which, well, Ari didn’t quite see the appeal of it. Older children, maybe, but younglings already a mystery to her for all that she was one, at least physically (And maybe mentally? She still wasn’t sure about that one) and Ari tended to only hang with those she could have serious, informative, or at least somewhat relevant conversations with. She didn’t have the patience to talk to younglings who wanted to talk about the food they ate for breakfast. No one wanted to know if you didn’t like it, either eat it or don’t eat it, it wasn’t her problem! Sure, such conversation can be used as distractions but small talk was so tedious!

She had enough self-awareness that she knew she wasn’t the most fun person to hang around and spent most of the time caught up in her head if she wasn’t actively doing something. She just didn’t care to change that about herself. Apparently she had a whole other lifetime too. She didn’t see it happening anytime soon.

Whatever the case though, Ezra was definitely a mother hen and Ari had enough experience and memories to know that what some people disliked, others liked. And Ezra really wanted to be a teacher, whether that be for the creches or older padawan and knight classes. She already snuck into the baby creche clans during their free time to play with them. And never mind what Ari thought about younglings, but the babies were really cute, to the point she wanted to shuffle them under feathers she didn’t even have yet.

“I am excited. I’m just..” Ari swayed back and forth, before shrugging, not wanting to admit she had been distracted. Feeling a mixture of amusement-smugness coming across their bond - purposely, the kriffer, Ari could already feel it anyway with the way Ezra’s shields still needed to be strengthened! - Ari pouted. “Yeah, okay, I wasn’t paying attention. I was just waiting for Padawan Nu to show up. I heard from another Initiate yesterday that since we are officially part of the Order, they’ll be going over how to access more of the Archives now.”

“Well, just make sure you’re paying attention. The Masters and I will know if you aren’t. If you can’t, try to pretend you are and at least stay with the group. It’s a lot less stressful that way.” 

Slightly irritated, but understanding, Ari sent her acquiescence along their bond, Ezra’s own Force signature pressing back at her in the semblance of a hug and urging Ari’s attention towards Shamira, who had earlier seemed to be hanging onto their Crechemasters every word but now under her shields seemed as bored as Ari felt. 

She could sympathize as she padded up to the front of the group to join her, passing by Eitan who was bored enough to be mindlessly pulling at his lekku. Having everything repeated to you over and over again when it didn’t pertain to the Force was mind numbing, it wasn't like learning about the organizational structure of a library was as complex as trying to understand and integrate Jedi philosophy.

But. Well. They were still children at this point, even if half the time Ari and her friends didn’t feel that way.

Ari nudged Shamira in the Force. Shamira blinked, her zone out going unnoticed due to their crechemates conspicuous mutterings, before narrowing her eyes and rubbing them, answering Ari’s unspoken question. “What I would give to simply lose myself to the Temple right about now! We don’t need to listen to this. We already got our new Initiate codes to access the Archive. It isn't like we haven’t been here before!” The Kiffar girl whispered fiercely, crossing her arms, before taking a deep breath out, the irritation that wafted from her clearing from the Force.

“Sorry, sometimes I wish we decided to tell someone.” About their reincarnation went unsaid, but it was a decision that was debated hotly enough in the past year between the four of them - Ari, Ezra, Shamira, and Eitan - that Ari knew what she was referring too. The problem was that for all that their comprehension was that of people four times their age with decision making definitely at a place much higher than normal for their species biological age, that wasn’t all that went into what was considered ‘adulthood’. It couldn’t be. They were still definitely children hormonally and emotionally, with quite a bit of their own decisions still being that of children - wanting to go explore the rest of Temple, sneaking out of the creche at night, sneaking desserts from the refectory, missing classes. Sure, they had wisdom of past lives lived, but it was snippets - Ari knew from her memories how old she had grown - which was old! - and the amount of memories she had at this point from that life was perhaps that of around the amount she had lived in this one and the dreams jumped around from childhood to adulthood and back again seemingly without reason.

So with research about child development from the Archives in hand, Ari had laid out her information and reasoning that for all that it might be easier, they would still be mostly treated as children and with greater scrutiny because of it. 

And while the Force was a mysterious energy entity that would allow Masters to believe their story, Ari really rather not deal with such a kerfuffle and live a normal Jedi life, whatever that may be.

At least for now, that is. They might give the truth later on if they all gave their permission.

The other three ended up agreeing and that was that.

Didn’t make it easier to deal with.

Shamira especially valued her independence, from what Ari was told, she had been a traveling journalist. She had written articles on anything from disasters to obscure societies to situations in war zones and had traveled for years by herself. She had seen much and struggled more than the rest of them with the restrictions that all younglings had placed on them.

Ari also silently wished she were somewhere else, even as she watched their Crechemaster introduce Padawan Nu and listen to her speech on what exactly the Archives were and what they did for the galaxy as a whole, though Ari was sure they dumbed it down for younglings. If there was one thing Ari learned from her dreams, it was that nothing was ever as clear cut as simply being able to help others and allowing access to potentially dangerous information, though from overheard conversations Ari was assured that the Order had a good handle on how to navigate this even with their limitations.

A statement caught her attention. Ari sent an inquiry into the Force.

Padawan Nu turned her attention to Ari. “Yes Initiate?”

“Are the Jedi Archives truly the largest and most diverse collection of information in the galaxy?” Ari cocked her head.

The Padawan nodded. “Yes indeed. The information we have stretches back thousands of years to when the Prime Jedi was first established out of the Dai Bendu, an organization that created the language of the Force and has documented the history of millions of civilizations and planets. It holds the history and knowledge of the Jedi, and though there is knowledge we do not have simply on the fact it is impossible to contain all knowledge, it is a collection that anyone can petition to have access too. And that is not counting all of the Holocrons and other artifacts that are stored here.” 

Her words were laced with a faint trace of pride and reverence and Ari couldn’t blame her, the sheer scale boggled the mind. Except...

“Is there a backup or copies of the library elsewhere?”

“While there are copies of the most used sections of the library in the temples and enclaves located on Corellia and Jedha, the Coruscant Temple is the most visited and popular temple as well as the most protected and so the full Archive is located here. Does that answer your question youngling?” The woman smiled kindly, and Ari nodded, even as she withdrew into herself and the padawan continued her tour leading the group further into the Archives.

Ari wrapped her tail around her leg in a semblance of comfort. Her answer had been a no.

It bothered her, and it continued to bother her through the rest of the day, past dinner, until they went to bed that night. 

It wasn’t the size of the Archives that bothered her, it was that fact that all of it was located all in one place. While the Masters here seemed to think this was fine, the previous life she had lived told her it was a terrible idea. With multiple examples. Sure, there was information in the universe that no one should have access to, but that didn’t mean not having backups elsewhere.

It just felt like a pile of tinder waiting for a spark to go up in flames. Literally for the most ancient physical copies of manuscripts.

The entirety of it made her exceedingly uncomfortable.

She pricked her ears as she heard someone shuffling over to her mattress and identifying the intruder, scooted over to let the small body collapse on her mattress before scooting back over to rest her currently featherless wings over. She was a flying species but wouldn’t grow flight feathers until 20 years of age and even she wouldn’t be able to produce enough to support herself in flight until 30 years of age - the joys of a long lived species. 

But they did make for great cuddles. 

Eitan huddled up beside her, his lekku resting against her wing. “Are you okay? You’ve been worried since the tour this morning. And you haven’t meditated on it.”

Ari was still for a moment, not really wanting to answer before whispering back. “The Force is nudging me to pay attention to something.” It was true; the Force had been gently guiding her to the Archives, drawing her attention to it since even before the tour, but now that she knew what the Force was wanting her to know Ari didn't understand what she was to do with it.

Even in the darkness, Ari could see Eitan’s lekku twist. Without that, she could still feel his disbelief-concern. “And you’re worried; you can’t dwell on this forever, the Masters say it’s not good for you. It can lead to attachment, obsession. And - listen, the Force wouldn’t draw you to what it is you’re worried about unless you had the ability to do something about it. And if you think you can’t, tell someone about the problem and let it go.”

Emotion, yet Peace.

“Could say the same to you about problems with the mousedroid.” Ari lightly teased, even as she refocused on her day’s memories, acknowledging that for all there might be a problem with the Archives, she couldn’t think of what to do about it and so let her worry drift from her mind.

Eitan’s face darkened with embarrassment-indignation, grumbling into the pillow. “Well, someone had to fix the droid and it wasn’t going to be you three since you were all exploring the tunnels that day.”

Ari sent a thread of apologetic embarrassment but he brushed it off. “It doesn’t matter, just know that sometimes the solution is simpler than you think it is.”

Ari blinked in realization. “Oh.” She smiled then, tail curling around one of Eitan’s legs, who jerked and hissed that his feet were ticklish and if she wanted to cuddle next to him, she had to not. touch. the feet.

Needless to say this lead to a bit of jabbing and tussling and ended with Ari smugly purring on top of Eitan and him resigned under her, even when he gave an answering grunt to her thank you.

For Ari realized that for all that she didn’t know what she would be led to do as a knight, she already had a Force-assigned mission.

She needed to create a backup for the Jedi Archives.

Chapter Text

Not that it was going to be that easy, but of course, Ari knew that from the beginning. It would take years at the very least to create copies of all the data, not even counting all the logistics of relocation, protection, or any other problems that might crop up that Ari simply can’t think up right now.

But what she hadn’t realized was the amount of other problems the Archivists dealt with that held greater precedence than simply the lack of a backup for the Archives.

By the time Ari had gotten around to finding time to ask one of the Archivists about it, nimbly dodging Shamira’s invitations to explore the Temples depths that Ari would normally take her up on, it had already been several months. It wasn’t that she forgot about asking, but it wasn’t on her list of priorities. She had finally found out what she career she had pursued in her previous life, some kind of scientist position that didn’t look out of place in the Agricorps. While it looked like something she would be interested in specializing in as a senior padawan and knight, it conflicted with the Force guiding her to take an interest in becoming a Knight Healer. A position and specialization that supposedly gave the most amount of headaches to all involved, for all that the most amount of Force created miracles happened there. A position that she continually felt drawn to, similarly to the Archives, yet was not her idea of a good time, actually more of a bad time if she were to be honest. It wasn't that it was a bad job or they were bad people; she in fact deeply respected those in the Halls of Healing and the Medicorps who took on the responsibility of looking out for the lives of those in the Temple and out in the galaxy. 

But.

For all that Ari knew the weight of the lives that she would be influencing as a future Jedi, having the Force gently guide her to a position that she knew would be personally affecting the potential for lives to be gained or lost at her very hands was…nerve wracking at the very least. Enough to drive her to meditation.

She took it back, it was difficult to follow the Force. 

It had taken her weeks of daily meditation, with her crechmates - light in the Force themselves, and by herself in the peaceful atmosphere of the Room of a Thousand Fountains; all of it had taken her to finally accept that while becoming an Agricorps specialist was still on the table, it wouldn’t be her primary specialization. That this was the way of the Jedi, to follow the Will of the Force. Even if it was a weight painful to bear, a title uncomfortable to wear, it was a Jedi’s duty to carry it and find peace and harmony in doing so.

‘Emotion, yet Peace.

Ignorance, yet Knowledge.

Passion, yet Serenity.

Chaos, yet Harmony.

Death, yet the Force.

-Or initiates, to be clearly understood -

In Emotion, Peace.

In Ignorance, Knowledge.

In Passion, Serenity.

In Chaos, Harmony.

In Death, the Force.

This is what we all must patiently strive for, as Jedi. And remember that we help our brothers and sisters achieve understanding when they fall short; showing compassion and love is a key part of being a Jedi and should apply for all those around us, not just those who we dedicate ourselves to serve.’

Ari accepted that this was the path she was to take, this would allow her to help the most people in the galaxy. One worthy of all the pain that would come with it.

It would be a trial of course, but Ari could wait until she was knighted to pursue formal training in Agricorps. Besides, it wasn't as if she couldn’t do some learning of her own; after all, the Archives were open to any Jedi.

Which had reminded her of her self designated goal. She hadn’t had free time in a few weeks, having been caught sneaking out of the Temple to explore some nearby shops with Shamira in a temporary fit of mischief. Temporary for Ari that was. Shamira, Ari was convinced, was born mischievous, or at least bantha-headed and somewhat crazy, even if Ari knew it came from a repurposed sense of independence from another life. But this idea was cemented with the story of how she had convinced her parents to let her become a Jedi when they had initially refused and at 3 years of age, had stowed away on her uncle’s ship when making a visit to Coruscant from Kiffu. She had done this a few more times  before eventually her parents gave up after several months of arguing with Shamira and her uncle, who had been swayed the first time he had found her hidden in one of the cupboards in the loading bay of his ship.

Shamira has continued to have increasingly crazy adventures that the three of them have gotten pulled into one time or another to the point that Ari can only assume they are assisted by the Force to happen. And she thinks this is a fair certainty with how amused the Force seems every time. Ari would be okay with this except how much trouble she always gets into when she gets caught, which is hardly ever but it cuts severely into the time Ari can spend prowling the archives.

Ari turns a corner a bit too quickly and narrowly avoids running into Master Yoda, just barely clipping him before he jumped out of the way. Frantically righting herself, she bowed hurriedly. “Sorry Master Yoda, I wasn’t paying attention.”

The small Master chuckled warmly, and set his walking stick to stand in between them. “Impatient, you are, hm? More aware and with more patience next time, you will be.”

Flushing at the chastisement, Ari nodded. “Yes, Master Yoda. I was just going to the Archives. I wanted to ask Padawan Nu or Master Cyra some questions.”

“Busy right now, the archivists are. Answer some questions, perhaps I can.”

“Oh. Alright.” Turning to follow Master Yoda down the hall, she paused to consider how to ask what she was wondering, deciding with the full truth. “Master, I was wondering if the Archives have a backup somewhere.”

Master Yoda hummed, nodding his head. “Many places there are, where copies of parts of the Archive are kept. Vast, they are. Very difficult, it is, to find a place safe for much of it.”

“But Master, doesn’t the Order have other temples?”

Ari couldn’t feel anything from Master Yoda, shields keeping them at bay, but she could see how his ears lowered and his light seemingly dim just a bit in the Force. “Bigger, the Order used to be. Many temples, abandoned there are. Our few others, not enough space, not enough security, there is.” He raised an eyebrow. “Worried, you are? Mindful, you must be.”

Her tail curled at the mention, not knowing her shields had been slipping, broadcasting her apprehension to anyone sensitive to the Force. Nevertheless, she nodded. “Yes Master, I am. It’s just, if anything happened to the Archives - disaster, sabotage, thievery…we wouldn’t be able to get it back. I wanted to, or at least, talk to someone about making a complete backup and hiding it away for emergencies.”

Master Yoda hummed once more. “Meditate on this, we will. Good idea, it is. Guided you, the Force has?” He tapped his stick happily at her nod. 

“Truth and wisdom, the Force shows. Many years, this will take. Wanted to fix yourself, hm? After asking? Work with others, you must. A community, a family , we are. Not good,” He tapped her boot with his stick, “to be alone.”

Though off guard by the subject change, Ari still nodded. It was good advice and she tended to feel awkward asking for long term help on anything. “I will try-“

“No!” Master Yoda interrupted firmly. “Do or do not. There is no try.”

“Do or do not. There is no try.” Ari repeated softly, before smiling and bowing to the diminutive Master. “Thank you for your wisdom Master Yoda.”

“Hmph. Much information to transfer there is, if you want to start. Much time it will take, but free time you have, that our archivists do not. Storage datachips they have. Tell them, I will, what you are doing. Go now you must. For you, mischief you must get into. For me, raid the refectory and scare the cooks, to hide in their pots, I will.”

Smiling at Ari’s gapping expression, he nodded and scurried off before Ari could get in another word, leaving her in the middle of the hall which she just noticed branched off into the exact area of the Temple Shamira had begged Ari to come explore with her.

Speaking of, Ari could feel Shamira’s signature coming up it, all confusion-excitement-mischief-joy-curiosity over their bond and jogged over to the hallway itself just as Shamira’s head poked around the doorway and grabbed her arm to tug her back into the hallway before any Jedi returning from the salles could catch them.

“Hey, I thought you weren’t coming today?” Shamira’s gold tattoos that trailed down either side of her face glinted in the light as they snuck down the corridor, following the Force to explore passages hidden by old and colorful tapestries which radiated the care of their makers and rooms that could only be open a touch of the Force on its handle, much like they used to lift things.

“Eh, I got my answers faster than I thought. I actually need to tell you about it…” 

Ari was reminded that day that for all that she was pretty isolated in her last life, she didn’t have to be in this one. 

And continued to be reminded. She learned how Eitan came to the Jedi Order, found by a young Padawan Healer Vokara Che. Apparently they were cousins or at least from the same settlement. Twi’lek, Ari learned, viewed each other as family if they grew up together and were apt to adopt others into their family group. For all that the galaxy was vast, there were connections and bonds between many and they relied on the Jedi to foster peace between them.

And so they learned the skills to do just that. They learned Astro navigation and how to drive a speeder and pilot spaceships commonly used by the Order. They learned diplomacy and history of planets, those that were friends of the Jedi and those that were not. They learned with training sabers in hand and the guiding hand of their teachers the basics of every lightsaber form and how to deflect blaster bolts. They learned how to detect lies and how to mind trick the weak and amoral. They learned how the Force ran through everything and how to use that Force to move those that needed to be moved. Learned how to use that same Force to enhance their bodies with speed and strength, agility and durability and how to leap and fall from great heights. Some of these were lessons turned into games and some were simply lessons in which they also learned the responsibility that came with learning them.

And most of all they learned how to listen to the Force, understand its guidance, and for those that received them, how to interpret visions.

This was especially important for Ari, Ezra, and Shamira. Ari, when meditating deeply in the Force, began to receive visions that she learned would come true within about a day if she never acted on them. Ezra would receive similar dreams (when she wasn’t dreaming of her past life) to those whose visions would happen in the distant future and which were often liable to change. Shamira herself was psychometric, a gift that was commonly found in the faintly force sensitive population of Kiffu but was always more powerful in those strong enough to interact with the Force such as Shamira.

Shamira had worn gloves since she was only a few days old, as was safe for Kiffar younglings. All of these gifts would be something they would have to learn to use responsibly, but there were many in the Jedi Order who had them as well and were always welcoming to those who needed help.

Now whenever she found time, Ari would find her way to the Archives, sometimes with Shamira, Eitan, and Ezra, sometimes with only one or two, and sometimes none at all. She would take a datachip and download as many holobooks as she could find time too before taking them back to a deserted room she had found in the Temple and storing them in a carefully labeled storage container. 

She also found the time to have fun, to engage in prank wars between her clan, Dragonheart and their rival, the Hawkear Clan, which often resulted in older padawans and knights getting involved and ended with Master Yoda somehow winning.

And so life went on.

Too soon it seemed, that Ortu Hartelr, a male Zabrak, had turned 10, the last in their clan, and while it was an occasion that their clan celebrated, leaving their room of bunks saturated with excitement and joy, it was finally time to form a Gathering and travel to the planet of Ilum.

Chapter Text

Shamira Rous watched.

The Crucible, the ship that was known for taking younglings on a gathering, was a ship of decent size. There was more then enough room and then some for a group of 6 younglings to run around and not get into too much trouble As Shamira herself could admit she was wont to do.

Despite that, her crechemates (or clanmates, they were interchangeable at this point with as old as they are) were getting noticeable cabin sickness.

The trip to Ilum was long, about a tenday, and when they finally arrived, they had to wait a further few days for the storm that was overtaking the entrance to the temple below to clear up.

With as much excitement that Shamira had witnessed from and initiated with her clanmates when they had first boarded the Crucible , she hadn’t expected them to calm down anytime soon, but had found herself along with the rest settling down as time continued to pass. Though there were signs from all of them that they were noticeably restless.

Eitan was meditating with Ari, not something that was uncommon but was a ways off from the intense focus put into learning an ataru kata combined with a tumbling routine that Shamira had remembered, adjusted, and shown off in a pique of boredom just a few days ago. Then again, Eitan these days put intense focus into everything. She was pretty sure it was due to a remembering, but Shamira couldn’t be sure as to what it was. 

Ari though wasn’t a surprise. Out of all of them who remembered, she was the one who took to the lifestyle of the Jedi the easiest, though Eitan wasn’t far behind her. But that was more of a personality thing then from being affected by memories of a previous life. Ari just liked meditating from what Shakira could tell - the still kind, whereas Shakira was currently moving through a set of Shii-Cho katas that she found soothing. Though, Ari was currently splitting her attention between meditation and using the Force to weave the fabric used in Jedi robes, a technique she had learned from the Temple Quartermaster and was used to train the precision of those Jedi that wished to become healers.

It was soothing to watch as the threads of beige and tan flowed between those of the same color and Shamira was impressed with how far Ari had come in a month - the first week Ari had to scrap any work she had done to her not quite hidden frustration.

Across the room, each of her crechemates were meditating in their preferred fashion as they had heard from Master Yoda that the storm would be letting up in the next day or so and they would be soon heading to the surface. 

Her focus on her next set of katas was interrupted by a question from Ortu, who stood from where he had been doing some moving meditation of his own and was currently looking through the window to look down at the great white vastness that was Ilum. “How much longer do you think we’ll have to wait?”

The question was asked offhandedly, but the Force bonds that formed a web between them all betrayed the nervous anticipation the boy projected, naturally bypassing the shielding they now near effortlessly held.

For all that Shamira was used to it, it was still a bit more… revealing then she wished, even if the other rememberer’s seemed to have no problem with exposing their emotions in such a way. 

“I think that you need to mind your emotions.” Cecea Heldir, a nautolan girl, loftily said, though they could all feel her fear tinge the words.

Though Shamira’s crechmates had talked about all the exciting parts of finally finding their Kyber crystal, from future competitions between clans to what color their lightsaber might be, to how long it may take them to build the hilt, they had avoid talking about this; the process of actually finding it. And for good reason.

There were many legends about Ilum and the trials it provided.

“I think we all have reason to be wary.” Ari softly spoke up, not opening her eyes or pausing the moving threads in front of her; that was part of the exercise. “We know what is down there with the visions; we have heard the stories. It might be easy; that’s a possibility. But it might also be intensely hard, and we might even not return with a crystal - though I read that hasn’t happened in nearly seven centuries. Whatever happens and whatever we see is as the Force wills. We just must be mindful that our emotions not cloud our perceptions and what the Force is telling us.” 

But for all of her wisdom, Shamira could still feel that Ari was uneasy and the rest of her clan now right along with her. And Shamira didn’t blame them. The stories that each Jedi had of their first Gathering and any Kyber search that happened afterward were personal. Intensely personal. Most Jedi joined the Force never telling a soul what they saw. 

Yet, the words did exactly what Ari had been intending - they eased Cecea’s fear.

“Ari’s correct.” Ezra nudged Cecea companionably and stood from her kneeling position. “But we should probably also remember to be aware physically as well as in the Force. For if we receive the visions, they are a test, and we don’t want to be led astray.”

At that moment, Shamira could feel Padawan Jinn coming up the corridor, and turned to see the older boy opening the blast door. The Padawan was interesting, but was a bit too dismissive of her clanmates' questions about Ilum for her tastes. He apparently had been assigned this mission with Master Yoda to meditate more in the Unifying Force that Ilum was so strong in.

Personally, Shamira thought Master Dooku had assigned Padawan Jinn this mission to get more used to being around younglings in general judging by the way he talked to them like they incapable of complex thought even though he was barely twelve years older than them, but overall he was a nice enough and shone in the Force like a star in the way all Jedi did.

Looking around to make sure he had everyone’s attention, he nodded. “Well, it seems that the storm is clear and we will be heading to land near the temple shortly. I would advise each of you to get dressed in the appropriate cold weather gear needed and to also gather enough ration bars to sustain you for a couple days. It doesn’t happen often, but occasionally a youngling will take a few days to find their crystal. Meet by the docking bay when you are ready. May the Force be with you.”

With a bow, he left, leaving them staring as the blast doors closed behind him, before they scrambled for the bags they brought with them. 

Most of them had brought the same kind of cold weather gear that covered the skin up to the eyes, but Ari was one of those few species that had adapted to a certain range of cold exposure. So while most of her body was covered, she was only wearing a type of hand and footwear that protected the pads of her feet and hands while the entire front of her face was exposed with a hood covering the rest.

Filling up the bags on her waist with ration bars and a water melt- and purifier, Shamira hesitated before adding the holocron that each Jedi youngling was gifted on their tenth life day, a date that was deemed old enough for Jedi to begin recording their learnings and adventures to be eventually added to the Archives on their joining the Force. If a Jedi put enough of themselves into the holocron, it was said that it could take on a reflection of the person who used it which Shamira didn’t really know what to make of except that it may be useful in a way. But it would take decades of recordings for it to reach that point, so she really hadn't thought about it much further.

It was an excellent tool to record all her thoughts, learnings, and memories about her past life about what she thought might eventually be important. Holocrons were seen as something not to be viewed unless given permission or if the Jedi themself were dead, so she felt comfortable enough recording personal information.

It also required a password, which was nice.

Having finished getting dressed before everyone else, and a glance telling her that Ari was still filling her belt with things she might need, Shamira decided to make her way to the galley for a quick snack before making her way to the docking bay.

It was the worry that flowed through the Force for all of a brief second that made her stop initially in front of the closed door before Shamira heard the sound of raised voices behind it.

Her curiosity getting the better of her for the thousandth and one time, she increased her hearing with the Force ever so slightly and pressed her ear against the wall.

“- it’s troubling grandmaster, that the Senate would pass something like this, you know that.” It was Padawan Jinn. “It’s an escalation! The idea that we now have to ask the political leaders of planets for permission to even engage in taking down or arresting those from their population, is- it’s aggravating! How are we to protect the innocents or, perhaps, children we need to rescue? A few years ago it was needing permission to even land on planet, when before we were just waved on through! I understand the notion I suppose, but this ! Master is ever so upset about it.”

A beat.

An unheard whisper. Shamira leaned in harder to the wall and breathed.

“Hmm, suppose that, he is. Many, there are who are upset. But, continue we will, in helping the galaxy. In face of many obstacles and darkness, light needed, there is. The Force, provide it will. Listen, we must, and guided, be by the Force, as our Order has chosen to serve the Republic and uphold its laws, regardless of feelings. Call Altisian Jedi, Corellian Jedi, or other such friends, we can, if not permitted we are. More freedom, they are allowed and not alone, we must remember we are not, in following the Force and serving the galaxy. Something many seem to forget.”

A burst of surprise, followed by rueful acceptance. “I supposed I should have expected such an answer.”

“Hmph. Should, you have. Now. Unsuspecting ears, we must greet.”

Startling, Shamira darted away from the door just as Master Yoda opened the door. Meeting their inquisitive eyes, she calmly bowed. “Master Yoda, Padawan Jinn. Talking about our friends in the Senate?” She knew this song and dance, having been caught by many older Jedi before. It was difficult to hide in an order made of empaths.

Yelping as Yoda’s cane rapped her leg, from the surprise mostly, she looked up to see Padawan Jinn trying to hide a snicker before also getting hit on his leg, quite a bit harder than Yoda had hit her. As Jinn seemed to bite off a stream of cursing, Yoda waggled his stick at her.

“Reasons we have, to talk behind closed doors and in old ships, where there may be little chance of prying. Discretion you must learn, youngling, before trust can be given. If questions you have, answer we may, if, -” Yoda looked significantly at her. “Asked. Curiosity, we do not punish younglings for, but some subjects, dangerous they are. Important, discretion is. Depending on it, lives do. Yes?” 

But how could she trust them to tell the truth?

Shamira abruptly remembers all the lectures given about listening in on conversations and is shamed. She… hadn’t really taken them seriously, all too used to conversations she remembers from her dreams that are of a far more serious nature. The things she typically listens in on are trivial - who recently left the Jedi Order, who decided to join one of the Corps, what someone was studying. Nothing she really thought of as dangerous, but could be in certain situations. And if they were judging her on her actions and whether she could keep a secret - sure, Shamira didn’t tell anyone what she usually heard, but listening in on conversations at every opportunity wasn’t a show of trust. 

Guilt welled in her before Shamira acknowledged it, and carefully, thoughtfully, gave it to the Force. “Yes, Master Yoda, I understand.” 

And she did understand the importance of discretion, truly. While in her past life, it was her passion and duty to find the truth and the stories unwritten and unvoiced, and spread them to the world where justice may be had and help may be given; in this life it was not just her life that was at stake and in danger, it was others that the Jedi Order provided aid to in numerous ways. It was the other Jedi in the Jedi Order itself as well, though most Jedi seemed to forget that or at the very least believed that if needed was a sacrifice worth making. But Shamira sometimes wondered if they understood the difference they made in the galaxy by simply existing when she read snippets of history where the Jedi refused to stand up for themselves.

She and Ari had read of hundreds of instances where the mere arrival of Jedi quelled rebellions simply because there was a mediator. Where the ability of Jedi to navigate between planets and asteroid fields before the invention of the navicomputer for hyperspeed travel had allowed them to save the starving population of colonies on various planets. Where the education systems of the Educorps broke down the barriers to lead to understanding that laid the foundation for the Republic to exist in the midst of war between the Mandalorian and Sith Empires.

It was important for the Jedi to maintain privacy for their safety. In her previous life, she had to be able to understand when and when not to release information. Certain information released or found out could spell destruction, whether in lives or property. Shamira was only able to remember one instance so far where it happened because of something she shared that she couldn’t have predicted, but one was enough.

She would prove herself worthy of any trust the Masters gave her.

Shamira felt as Yoda gauged her sincerity and determination in the Force, before nodding. “I see you do. Now, join your clanmates, we must.”

It was as they began heading down the halls that Shamira heard-felt in the Force her friends inquiring across their bonds in confusion-curiousity. They were probably already gathered to enter Illum’s Temple.

Just as Shamira’s little cluster of herself and her elders entered the room with the rest of the clans, she felt as the ship landed on the planet's surface. A rise of anticipation welled in her.

She joined Ari, Ezra, and Eitan in their huddle around the door and waved off their concerns - they were used to her getting caught and lectured when her curiosity outweighed her common sense, and while usually their discussion revolved around what she had learned mixed with warnings, it was much easier this time to distract them with their preoccupation of their soon to be Kyber quest.

Eitan was already distracted, listening avidly to Padawan Jinn and Master Yoda, back straight and hands clasped behind his back. It had gotten more noticeable as they had gotten older, but it was during these kinds of important speeches that Shamira was reminded of his own past life he had told them about and the few times she remembered working with soldiers herself.

Shamira blinks, and suddenly they are making their way across deep snow, wind only gently blowing, the opposite of earlier where they could all see the storms raging above the planet from the starships windows. The cold is still biting however, and Shamira swallows back a grumble of complaint even as others around her voice their own. They never did anyone good but to remind someone else of their own discomfort.

A howl echoes in the distance and Shamira, along with the rest of their group hurries that much faster to the temple entrance. In her peripherals, Ari managed to catch Orto as he stumbled on the front steps of the temple, and everyone's relief echoed in the Force, including Padawan Jinn’s, at finally reaching shelter from the wind.

They stopped in front of a huge wall of ice, too thick to see through, with steps leading up to it. Glancing around the frozen temple, Shamira wondered silently to herself how on Earth the Jedi managed to originally build it. She couldn’t imagine having to trudge through snow and ice, never mind storms for months on end to build such a place. The design reminded her of old churches and holy places that she had visited in her old life. Cylindrically symmetrical, the Ilum Temple had both organic and blocky detail, and it reminded her vaguely of her home, where similar designs could be seen etched on pillars and pathways. Though her home Temple was of a much larger scale and she wondered again how beings could even begin to build such a building that resonated as she felt it did in the Force.

Then she remembered there were such things as construction droids. And obscure Force techniques. The Jedi Temple didn’t have many droids for actual building, nor had anyone practice such skills, with how big the Temple was and with declining population, but she supposed that Professor Huyang was an architect droid, if for lightsabers. She was again reminded at how old the Jedi Order was, at over 20,000 years.

“Now younglings.” Yoda turned away from the wall to slowly meet each of their eyes. “This is the time where you must face your first trial, as young Jedi. To build your lightsabers, you must first find your crystal.”

With this he drew out his lightsaber, lighting it. The green plasma blade shot out, and Shamira could hear the blade hum, different from their training sabers' silence. Master Yoda extinguished it. “The heart of the saber, the crystal is. Focuses the Force, for the Jedi it does. A partner it will be.”

With those prophetic words, Master Yoda raised his arms, and what Shamira thought was a chandelier rotated, even as a grate near the top of the dome opened. A bright shaft of light pierced through it to a crystal that Shamira just noticed rested in the center of the chandelier. The crystal reflected the light into a brilliant host of color, breaking apart the shadows of the Temple, and illuminating it with tiny motes of golden light. A second turn of another crystal focused that emitted light directly onto the massive sheet of ice, and light a highly focused magnifying glass, the ice melted in seconds, a feat Shamira could only assume was augmented with the Force.

It revealed an archway and a tunnel that led deep into the caves of Ilum and already Shamira could feel something calling her, though from what direction, she didn’t know.

“To obtain you crystal, enter the Crystal Caves you must. Trust the Force. Trust each other. And succeed you will. One rotation, you will have before the entrance is frozen once more. May the Force be with you.”

When they had realized that Master Yoda had finished speaking, they clamored for the archway, excitement just barely tempered by wariness infusing the air. 

Eitan pushed his way in between Ortu and Ari to the front of the group after several minutes of silent walking and turned to face them. “Okay, so, let’s address the dragon in the room. Do we  have any idea where to start looking for our crystals? Cause I have nothing.” Looking in between them as he slowly walked backwards, he huffed. “C’mon, we should at least have a plan right?”

“We probably need to face things by ourselves, Master Yoda said this was our first trial, remember?” Shamira pointed out briskly. “We need to succeed by ourselves to prove that we’re capable.”

Ortu let out a noise of disagreement that Shamira narrowed her eyes at. “What, you don’t agree? Sure, we’re taught together but eventually we’re going to be padawans, and then knights. We’ll have missions where we won’t have help.”

“I mean, sure.” By her side, Ezra shrugged. “But even after we’re apprenticed, we still learn together at the temple, even after we’re knighted. Masters don’t seek answers for things by themselves. They ask for help, or at least the wise ones do, and they don’t assume they know the correct path to follow in the Force. We can be led astray by our own feelings and believe what we are doing is what the Force wants us to do when instead it’s simply what we want to do. We learn from experience, the wisdom of others, and the Force.”

“And.” Cecea suddenly spoke up. “We don’t have to face things by ourselves. Remember?” She suddenly froze, as if struck. Turning to a small alcove they were passing by, she brushed her hand against a small stone and ice outcropping. In the hushed quiet between the group, they could still hear her whisper. “I am one with the Force, and the Force is with me.”

Her words were full of awe and seemed wondrously wise, as if speaking a truth newly given instead of one they had heard a thousand times over.

Turning back to them, Cecea opened her cupped hand. Resting there, a small crystal rested and shone in the Force like a star condensed to the size of a large seed. 

A wave of congratulations and hugs went around even as they goggled at how fast she had found hers.

She smiled up at them after gazing at her crystal for a bit. “Thanks guys, I probably wouldn’t have realized what I needed to know without you. I’ll be waiting outside. May the Force be with you.”

And with a bow, she hurried down the corridor they had traveled down.

After a moment, Ortu smirked, his smugness projecting loudly. “So, believe us now Shamira?”

Shamira huffed, even she caught Ari biting back a snicker and feeling Ezra’s amusement. “Yeah, I guess so.”

Shamira then looked back down the tunnels and had the sudden urge to head deeper in, that she had to head a little further to find the crystal that would power her lightsaber. “I think that I need to head deeper in though. At the first left.” 

“Huh,” Eitan stretched up, then down, and tilted his head. “That's what I’m feeling too.”

Shamira tugged on one of her dreadlocks, sending a ping down their bind in acknowledgement. “Well, I guess we’re going together then.” Resigned that she wasn’t going to be alone for any of the, hopefully not, earth shattering revelations or visions they were sure to receive as reincarnated persons, she led the way deeper into the caves.

Chapter Text

Eitanp'redi was lost. 

Lost and hearing the voices that had haunted him for weeks, ever since he finally remembered his death. Weeks where nightmares stalked his dreams, the absence besides him when he startled awake only made reality worse.

Eitan had grounded himself in the Force, meditating, and yet somehow every time he tried to release the motions that came with the memories, he couldn’t bring himself to let go.

He had somehow lost Shamira, in between hearing voices of loved ones long gone and trying to figure which direction he was supposed to head towards next at a junction with five tunnels. 

Which is when he felt the Force ripple with a new presence, one that seemed to both exist and yet not at the same time. Like the energy of a lit lightsaber, all heat and Force with no matter. 

But he recognizes it, somehow, someway, deep in his heart. And when turns and recognizes what it is, he wishes desperately that it’s real, that he can reach out and touch it.

“Daddy? What are you doing here?”

It's his son, his youngest, a boy he held when he was only minutes old, only 7 on that night when everything ended.

“…hello little one. I could ask you the same question.” Eitan was surprised that he managed to speak, feeling older in this moment then he had ever had, even as he reached through the Force. 

He was here, he was actually here, how was he-

His son shrugged, “I was following Mommy, she wanted to see you.”

A voice, so familiar, as lovely as the day he last heard it. “Yes, dear one, and I was supposed to go alone, while you stayed with your sisters.”

Eitan turned. There, she was, all he had hoped to see, his lovely, beautiful, amazing wife. 

His love which he had killed.

He meditated on it day and night since he remembered. The dinner they had as a family, the singing in the car on the way home, the teasing-

The screeching, the impact, the darkness.

His wife smiled softly, her eyes gentle. “Hello, my dear.”

Eitan swallowed thickly, “Hello, my love.” Blinking rapidly as his eyes began to sting, he turned his attention to his son, kneeling ever so slightly to meet his eyes. “I’m going to have a talk with mommy real quick. It needs to be only the two of us right now, but we can talk after if you want to, alright?”

With this, his boy nods, already visibly distracted by something down the tunnel and scampers off as all his children had done one time or another when something caught their attention.

A soft touch on his shoulder and he turns, wrapping his arms around to clutch at her tightly just cause he can and for once curses that he isn’t the height he used to be. He readjusts as she kneels next to him and once again he marvels at the compassion of his love.

He doesn’t question this time how she is here, how he can touch her, feel her emotions. Everything is possible with the Force.

They sit in silence, the Force around them gentle and flowing. His voice is rough when he finally finds the words to speak, his mind clearer then it had been in weeks.

Passion, yet serenity.

“I am so, so sorry-“

“There was nothing you could have done.” 

“I should have-“

“Nothing.” Her voice is firm.

“I am trained, love. In situational awareness, in driving, in safety procedures, in some of the most defensive and offensive skills in the world and I couldn’t. Keep you. Safe. And that’s on me.”

“And you, my foolish husband, know that people are not perfect, you are not perfect, and that accidents happen to the most prepared people in the world. There was nothing you could do. The other driver had no lights on a moonless night and he too died in the crash. You couldn’t have seen him.”

“I know. Logically, I know. No plan survives contact with the enemy. It’s basic knowledge that things can just go wrong. I tell that to myself, I do. But this, this guilt, it’s eating me alive. I don’t know how to forgive myself.”

There was silence. His wife drew him closer into her arms, resting her head on top of his and sighed. “I understand my dear. It will take time. But at least know this. I and your children, we forgive you.”

Eitan blinked, startled. “Love?”

She smiled tiredly at him. “Did you think we wouldn’t? We don’t even blame you, but if you take some measure of comfort from forgiveness for whatever perceived mistake you think committed, I want you to have that assurance.”

To be honest, it did help.

“But, most of all, I wanted you urge you towards letting us go.”

A surge of resistance ran through him. “Letting you go?” He echoed.

A wave of calm and love swept through him, even as his beloved wife cupped his face between her hands. “We are at peace, dear heart, one with the Force as you now are taught. We will see each other again. But you have a new life now to live, and you should not be burdened by those you cannot help. There will be others you must let go of in the future as well, and it is a burden of the heart to carry guilt and grief on. You may not have us to care for, but you do now have many new brothers and sisters to look out for. Children too. They will need your help. Don’t dwell on the past, but look to the future, and be wary for there are those who work against you.”

Eitan groaned at that but resolved to meditate on her words. “There are always those who go against the Jedi.” 

She smiled cheekily at his exasperation, just like the first time he met her. “Make sure you stay on your toes then, I’d hate to see too soon.”

“I always do, my love.”

“Oh? And what do you call that time I managed to convince you and all of your friends during Thanksgiving that the stuffing required a full bottle of capers to season it?”

“A mistake.” He grouches, his lekku twisting at the memory of how salty it was. So much water was needed after.

“Hm.” Her amusement echoes in the Force, and he smiles involuntarily before a frowning as a disturbance rings in the Force, his bond with Shamira suddenly ringing with horror.

His wife frowns as well, as if she could also feel what he felt, looking off into the distance. “It’s time for me to go dear.” And he knows she is right.

“I will see you again. I know that now. Tell the girls I love them?” He rests his forehead against hers and does his best to memorize this peace.

“Always. Now go find your sister. I believe our youngest has found her. She- they, will need you. Just as you will need them.” And with a kiss to his forehead, they stand just as his son barrels into the room at high speed from one of the passages that Eitan had been considering head down and which the Force is now urging him down.

“Daddy, daddy! Aunt Shamira is down there and she’s crying. I think she’s hurt!”

Eitan kneels just in time to catch him as he slams into his chest, grunting as he did so. “Yes, I know something is wrong, and I have to go. But I’ll see you soon, okay?”

“I know.” His son looked at him quizzically. “We see you everyday, but you can’t see us. It’s only sometimes you can see us.”

Eitan smiled at his son's straightforward thinking. “That’s right. I’ll be back one day, play nice with your sisters, okay?” Pressing a kiss to his head, he fed his love for his family into the Force and let his guilt go.

Grasping his wife’s hand one last time, he released it and hurried down the tunnel, following the Force. 

Death, yet the Force.

Or, perhaps this time is different, with greater understanding in what we are.

There is no death, only the Force.

The tunnels darken as he makes his way further in, and the shadows lengthen. Unnerving, but nothing that he isn’t used to. Carefully avoiding tripping hazards and leaping over one of many chasms that seem to liberally litter the tunnels, he is guided to the point where Eitan has to avoid tripping over Shamira, her despair now creeping into familiar grief, resounding loudly around her, her shields destroyed. 

Carefully stepping out of his unintentional Force meditation, he kneels to sit next to her against the icy wall and is thankful again for the gear provided and marveling at the same time how well it worked. They didn’t have anything like this in his previous life. At least, anything he had used.

He turned his attention to Shamira. Her breathing was slow, deliberate, yet her hands were shaking. Her eyes were closed, but Eitan knew that Shamira had felt him approaching her. Meditation. He wouldn’t be surprised if she had fallen into it on sheer habit.

He needed to do it himself, to - at the very least - come to terms with what he had seen and heard. 

To let them go fully, even if he did not want to. But somehow, unlike all the rest of the times he had tried, Eitan had a feeling he would succeed.

“I think I knew.” Shamira broke the silence.

He tilted his head, knowing Shamira felt his question.

“Knew that we would have to face and acknowledge the things that caused us pain in our old lives.” She clarified.

Yes. Yes, he knew that too. 

“But -“ she stopped. 

Eitan could feel her turmoil, her hesitation. He gently leaned against her, letting Shamira share his warmth. “You don't have to share. “

She was silent for a moment before shaking her head. “That's part of the problem - not sharing. I- it’s -. The thing is - “

Shamira took a sharp breath in, pursing her lips, before abruptly hanging her head. “Ari makes this look so easy.”

Eitan let out a chuckle at that. Ari, the first time they had realized they had all come from the same world with memories of lives long lived, had essentially word vomited everything about her life that she could remember. Including some very private things about herself. She still continued to do so as she remembered things, but that first was definitely uncomfortable afterward even if they felt closer because of knowing such intimate detail. They had eventually learned that was the way Ari connected with people. She even meditated similarly, allowing all that she was to open up to those meditating with her, to feel her in the Force.

 “I’m fairly sure that Ari is just like that to be honest.” He pointed out wryly.

“Point.” Eitan felt her Force signature flicker before firming. “Okay, the thing is I don’t - I don’t trust. I doubt people. Not in regards to others or their beliefs, but specifically what they would do to myself. I was….hurt, as a child in my last life. I didn’t really work through any of it until the latter half of my life and even then, I struggled.”

She paused. “I was -am fearful, of being vulnerable, and I hurt a lot of people, including my spouse because of it, because I hid things. I kept secrets that I thought were important to keep, because similar things had happened in my work before. It took a lot of counseling to make amends, but I still burned a lot of bridges.” She paused, then continued, her voice noticeably pained. “Destroyed friendships with people I never wanted to hurt.”

Eitan, now that was being told, did recognize that Shamira had distanced herself in the past before. Not often, but regularly enough that he had noticed a pattern. He had decided to not bring it up at the time - some people were just more reserved than others.

“I’ve - somewhat backslided, being reborn, not getting all my memories of working through it.” She finally settles her weight against him. “I’m going to need…”

She trails off, but Eitan can feel where her mind is headed. “You need help?”

 “I’ll probably need it for the next few years at least.” Shamira admits. “I don’t want to hurt you all, and I can’t afford it as a Jedi either. I need to learn how to trust or at least be held accountable to be honest. We operate on different rules of reality than the rest of the universe. We can’t - I can’t isolate myself like that again. It’s a very real possibility that we might use the Dark side and hurt ourselves if we do.”

“Well, I think we can help you with that.” Shifting his legs under him to rise and grabbing the object under him that had quietly, but contentedly joined him in his mind, he silently also acknowledges that there are things that they’ll need to adjust to as they regain more of their memories and learn how to be Jedi beside that of the spiritual and philosophical. Talking about it would help them all. He can admit to himself that he is more personally adept in pursuing the spiritual and physical discipline of being a Jedi, with only the needed understanding of its philosophy and none of the passion for it.

They have Ari for that.

“We?” Shamira raises her hand for a lift, which he clasps, hauling her up.

“I wasn’t supposing that you were going to hide this from Ari and Ezra, were you? Out of all of us, I’m fairly sure Ezra is the most emotionally competent. We can all learn from her example, I’m sure. Though,” he starts teasingly. “I suppose, I’m not bad myself.”

Shamira scoffs and rolls her eyes, but her fondness betrays her. “Oh, I’m sure you think you are. And no, I wasn’t going to hide this from them, I just- hadn’t thought of it.”

“Uh-huh, I’m sure.” Ignoring her frowny glare with cheerful aplomb, he turned to exit the tunnels, calling over his shoulder. “Don’t forget your kyber!”

He smiles silently to himself at her sudden realization and delight in the Force, and hears her bend down to grab the crystal he had noticed appear under her at the same time his had appeared under him, rolling his own between his fingers. Master Yoda in his wisdom was right about them needing to trust each other and the Force. Not that Eitan was surprised by that.

Unfortunately for all his cheerful countenance, Eitan doesn't quite manage to dodge Shamira’s tackle, which successfully wipes it off his face to her satisfaction.

It is later, when Shamira had joined the others at their ship, after they had meditated - some for days - and crafted their lightsabers and taken in the beautiful colors and presences the blade had taken on to reflect their spirit and souls, well on their way home, that she takes it in. 

Feeling the bond to her lightsaber at her side, she smiles as Eitan surprises Ortu by jumping on his back and getting into a friendly tussle in their excitement like their crechlings again and laying back with Ari, Ezra, and even Cecea whom she hadn’t spent much time with before, does she truly understand the gifts that she has in them, the serenity that the Force has allowed her to have with her friends - no, her sisters and brothers, even when she hasn’t mastered such serenity in herself quite yet. 

It is with the warmth of her sky blue lightsaber in her mind and feeling of the satisfaction and tranquility of the Force that she drifts off to sleep.