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“Did you know they’re building a space laser in the Eiffel Tower?”
Alastor felt his very being become filled with dread. Absolute, pure dread.
He could hear them, he could hear them when he was safe in his dark pocket dimension. They never left him alone. Not in his head, at least. They were always in his head. From the moment he signed that contract.
Was it even worth it to have their protection from Vox anymore? Would Alastor rather have Vox watch him every moment? Maybe, if it would mean they would leave him alone.
“I heard the space laser was in Susan’s basement!”
“I heard it was in the Statue of Literby!”
Good heavens, they couldn’t even pronounce half of their words correctly. Now, just how would Alastor go about breaking a soul contract with a large group of eggs?
Alastor had been thinking about it for years, in fact. How?
He couldn’t kill them no matter how hard he tried. Trapping them never worked either. They were like a hydra, the more you killed, the more would appear in the hallway at four in the morning. They were so stupid, how was it so difficult?
Somehow all of the eggs survived the war against heaven despite many of them being stabbed or cracked by angelic weapons. They just seemed to respawn.
“Hey mister Alastor! Can you play our playlist for us?”
He knew it was a demand, an order, not a request, so he complied. Alastor saw the tiny terror grab a phone and open a music app. They could have played the music themselves but wanted to humiliate Alastor further. Alastor begrudgingly grabbed the phone and his eyes widened when he saw the songs it contained.
The titles were absolutely rancid, and he just knew that the music itself would be awful. He went up to his radio tower and plugged the phone into some wiring that barely worked, and at full volume played the songs. The first was in Spanish, and Alastor could only assume that the lyrics were as deranged as the music.
His neck turned at an odd angle and cracked, emitting a loud noise of radio static. His shadow must’ve sensed his distress, pulling him into the shadows around him and bringing him to the lobby.
“WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT!!!” Husk screamed from the bar, covering his cat ears. “Niffty’s hiding under the goddamn bar!”
Niffty poked her head out just above the bar top to further prove Husk’s point. She was also covering her ears, and her pupil was the size of a pinprick.
“What are you talking about, Husker? This music is just spectacular!” Alastor tried to lie, but his folded back ears and general look of disgust gave him away.
Alastor walked away while Husk cursed him out and Niffty whimpered from underneath the bar. Alastor walked through the halls and heard Vaggie yelling his name from somewhere else. He decided to make himself busy with whatever task she needed, desperate to not hear the music anymore.
“GET YOUR ASS OUT HERE! TURN OFF THIS GOD AWFUL MUSIC!”
Alastor “got his ass out there” but didn’t turn off the music, in fear of the wrath of the egg bois. “I’m sorry dear, but those darling little egg creatures insisted I play their music, and really, would you wish for me to deny them such a simple request after they have no one to look after them?”
The mention of Sir Pentious’ death seemed to do the trick, making Vaggie seethe again before stalking off.
Alastor tried leaving the hotel at one point, but one of the eggs stopped him with a “Nuh-uh mister! You have to stay and change the music when we want it to!”
Again, another order that Alastor literally could not refuse. With a twitch of his eye that the egg couldn’t have noticed, Alastor made his way back upstairs and went to his office. Drowning himself in paperwork had to be effective.
But when he heard the most horrid, disgusting, degenerate chords on a guitar that was Wonderwall, his pen scratched through paper and there was a very loud record scratch that pierced the air.
Finally, Alastor couldn't handle it anymore and shut off the music, relief flooding him as the sweet sound of silence was restored. That meant he could take a break from his paperwork too, so he walked down the hallway in hopes of going downstairs to cook the deer he had hunted recently.
“Why did you stop the music?” Asked Frank, standing menacingly at the end of the hallway. “Did I ask you to stop the music?”
Alastor stepped dead in his tracks and his ears pinned to his head. “Ah- I just needed a moment to clear my head is all.”
The egg’s eyes glowed a neon yellow, and the music returned louder than ever before. “Sir, I-“ Alastor tried.
Frank manifested the chain with which he had a grip on Alastor’s soul, pulling it so hard that Alastor fell to his knees. The egg was still shorter than him, but it was still an intimidating sight.
“Watch what you say to me, mister deer man! You better learn your place in this hotel!” The egg boi walked closer to the cowering deer.
“Yes, sir. I apologize, sir.” Alastor was almost shaking as the sentient egg scolded him in his high pitched voice.
“You better, mister deer man!” The egg threatened as the chain disappeared. Frank gave him a salute before skipping away, chanting ‘hup hup hup’ as he left. Alastor stood back up, trying to calm himself down.
He felt humiliated and emasculated. Maybe he should go harass Husker to make himself feel better.