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Chapter Text

Cream woke up feeling icky. She had a dream that was fading fast, but she remembered being scared and being sad like she'd lost a very good friend.

She climbed out of bed, remembering to fold her blankets before softly padding out of her room and down the hall. Moonlight drifted in through the windows, casting beautiful and eerie shapes across the floor. It couldn't have been past two in the morning. Mother was most definitely asleep by now. Cream went down the hallway anyway, quietly hoping what she knew was the case wouldn't actually be.

She stopped halfway down the hall and backtracked. She knew it was rude to look into other peoples' rooms, but Shadow's door was wide open as if he'd forgotten to close it. Shadow's bed was pristine. It was also empty.

Cream poked her head just past the doorway. He was hard to spot due to his dark fur, but the moonlight happened to reflect off of one of his shoes just right that when she traced the moonbeam with her eyes she saw him. Shadow was curled up with his head behind his knees next to the dresser in the darkest corner of the room.

"...Mister Shadow?" Cream whispered. "Are you awake?"

His head shifted slightly. He opened one eye to look at her.

"May I come in?"

Shadow's eye slightly narrowed. His head shifted slightly, and Cream stood still because she really wasn't sure if it was a nod or not. He noticed her hesitancy and nodded more surely. Cream padded in and leaned on the wall next to him.

"...Is something wrong with the bed?" she asked quietly.

Shadow fully shifted his head enough to blink at her with both eyes. Cream tilted her head. It was hard to see with how dark it was, but now that she was closer she could see his ears were pinned flat to his head and his quills were all up.

"Oh. You had a bad dream too?"

He slowly shook his head. Cream fidgeted, unsure where to go from there, but then he patted the floor. She sat down and folded her hands in her lap. There was a good view of the window from here. She saw the moon, and the stars, and the trees outside swayed gently in the night breeze. Somewhere out there a night bird cooed.

Shadow was shivering. It was subtle and hard to tell in the dark. She could feel it in the way that the hairs on her arm prickled.

"...I had a bad dream."

He was watching her now. Cream kept her eyes on the window and watched the trees dance outside. Some days she didn't like the night. It was hard to see and she felt cold and the shadows moved in creepy ways that scared her a little. Tonight it was the same, except there was a kind of sadness in the air that took the creepiness out of it.

"I'm not sure if it was bad, though," Cream admitted softly. "I'm sure I made a friend. But then I lost them. And now I can't remember, but I'm still sad. I really liked them."

Shadow's gaze moved away. Cream glanced at him and saw he was staring at the moonbeam on the floor. She looked at it as well.

"...Mother sometimes makes hot tea when I can't sleep," she said. "I'm not sure if I'm allowed to make some at this time of night without supervision. But if you want some I could make some."

He shifted slightly and held out his hand. Cream took it and moved to stand up. He shook his head, however, so she stayed put.

"Would you like something else...?"

After a moment of no response he shrugged.

"Um... is there something else that would make you feel better?"

Shadow's eyes seemed to slightly glaze over. Cream wasn't sure whether to watch him or the moonbeam dancing with the patterns of leaves on the floor. The light was more interesting, but she needed to pay attention if he spoke without words again.

Then he shifted and, hesitantly, held out one arm. Cream scooted closer and wrapped her arms around him as best she could. It was awkward, with his knees in the way and the wall and the dresser so close. Shadow's arm draped around her back, loosely at first, like he was afraid of touching her. She gave him a slight squeeze. His arm tightened around her, if only for a second.

Cream withdrew from the hug. Shadow slightly raised his arm to let her move away. She leaned on him instead, and after a few moments his arm was back to loosely being draped around her. The leaves continued to dance in the moonlight, and Cream's eyes began to sting a little. She closed them and relaxed. Mother would surely be unhappy that they'd been sitting on the floor. At the same time, Shadow was warm... and he'd stopped shivering, so it was okay for now.

Chapter Text

Shadow liked fuzzy blankets.

Vanilla discovered this shortly after Shadow came to stay with her and Cream. She'd found Cream and Shadow huddled together in his room, his head resting against the dresser, knees tucked up against his chest and Cream tucked under his arm and huddled against his side. Both of them had bags under their eyes and neither one looked very comfortable.

She wasn't sure Shadow had slept in the bed since he'd arrived. She wasn't sure he'd slept at all. His bed was perfectly made with no wrinkles in it every morning.

Vanilla crept from the room and messaged Tails, then set about making breakfast.

Tails showed up with a machine dryer that evening.

"That was very fast! I hope I didn't bother you," she said, pleasantly shocked.

"Ehe, I happened to have the extra parts laying around," Tails answered bashfully. "B-besides, if you could test out the functionality and tell me the results, that'd be a big help...!"

"Of course. Thank you very much."

"Do you need any help installing it...?"

Vanilla's gaze wandered over to where Shadow and Cream were playing with the chao that had been following Shadow around for a while. She couldn't help but smile at the sight of Shadow hanging on to Cream's every word as she taught him about proper chao care while he practically waited on the little creature's every whim. She turned back to Tails.

"If you don't mind. Ah, I have some extra pastries from lunch- would you like some?"

It didn't take long to install the dryer. Tails didn't stick around for long afterwards, claiming too many projects to do and not enough time, though he did take some cookies for the road. With that, Vanilla's plan was only a few steps away from being enacted. She gathered up all the extra blankets she could find and set them out in the livingroom, then tossed Cream's favorite flower-patterned blanket and two others in the dryer. After she found some sturdy pillows, it was time to call the children in from outside.

Cream caught on immediately when she saw the pile of blankets and pillows. While Shadow looked at them confusedly, Vanilla winked at her daughter and held a finger to her lips. Cream nodded excitedly.

Dinner was hot vegetable soup and freshly baked rolls. Vanilla pretended not to see Shadow awkwardly mimicking the way Cream dunked her bread in the soup and Cream did her best to smother her giggles when he dripped soup on his chest fur on accident. Vanilla simply passed him a napkin with a gentle smile and returned to her own food. Shadow was clearly embarrassed and quietly left for the bathroom when everyone was done eating to wash off the soup, but neither Vanilla or Cream said anything about it.

When he returned, Cream dragged him to the livingroom. Shadow's eyebrows knitted slightly together and he blinked a time or two.

"Have you made a pillow fort before, Shadow?" Vanilla asked gently.

"A... pillow fort?" he echoed.

"It's where you take all the pillows and blankets you have and you make a giant tent out of it!" Cream babbled, already stacking pillows on the edges of the couch. "If we stack them like this it can be a little taller, and if we stretch the big blanket like this..." She waved her hands from one couch to the other. "It makes a tent, see? And then we can put pillows and blankets inside, and it's a cozy little hidey hole!"

Vanilla grabbed a few heavy books and set them nearby. She smiled at Shadow. "Would you mind helping Cream, dear? These books are a little heavy for her."

He gave a nod and lifted them up. Cream began directing him while she struggled with the biggest blanket, and while they were distracted Vanilla slipped away to check on the dryer. The blankets were a little too hot to use immediately, but by the time they were done building the fort the blankets would be cooled enough to be comfortably warm. She took them back to the livingroom and set them separate from the rest of the blankets, then joined in on helping to make the fort.

It was a bit sloppier than usual. They had to adjust one of the books a few times and grab a few extra heavy objects to hold the other corners of the blanket down. Still, it was cozy, and Cream was perfectly happy with the results. Shadow was dragged inside with no further ado, and Vanilla grabbed the warm blankets and a story book and followed them on in.

Cream wrapped herself up like a little burrito and snuggled down between Shadow and Vanilla. Shadow stared blankly at her until Vanilla took one of the other two blankets and wrapped it loosely around his shoulders.

"It's especially cozy with a freshly warmed blanket, isn't it?" Vanilla said, laying her own across her lap.

Shadow touched the blanket gingerly. He had a slightly distant look in his eyes that quickly vanished when Vanilla opened the storybook.

"Which one is it today, mother?"

"The Black Knight of Camelot," Vanilla answered. "Is everyone comfortable?"

"Yes!"

"...Yes," Shadow whispered.

"Chapter one..."

They ended up sleeping in the pillow fort that night. Shadow was the first one to fall asleep, followed very closely by Cream. Vanilla didn't have the heart to remove Cream from where she was snuggled down between them, nor was she willing to wake Shadow up in order to send him to bed. She made sure everyone was comfortable and that all lights in the house were off before settling in herself in the pillow fort, smiling gently at the sight of Shadow snuggling his blanket with a peaceful expression.

Chapter Text

Shadow had slowly learned that there was a lot more to pretending to be a person than he'd first thought. Maria had never really interacted with other children on the ARK when Shadow was around. She sometimes hung out with a boy with heterochromia, but as the tests got worse and worse and Shadow came back more exhausted each time, they always ended up alone. He didn't know if it was out of worry or if she preferred his company. He'd never asked.

He regretted never having seen her interact with other children for long periods of time now. It turned out there were hidden rules to interacting with someone as an equal. Vanilla had to have had endless patience, because there were too many things Shadow didn't know about living in a house with others. Normal people did not require a sterile environment. Dirt getting in was a natural occurrence. Shadow did not need to sanitize himself before playing with Cream. Nor did he need to stand at attention any time Vanilla spoke to him.

When Vanilla left him with Amy and Cream so she could go shopping, he learned about perfume and how not to talk about the way someone smelled.

Vanilla had just left for the store. Cream was in her room picking up her toys and Amy was touring the kitchen's recipe books for something to experiment with. She smelled different than usual. Normally Amy had a sweet scent to her, something between sugar and flowers mixed with sweat and shampoo, but today she was oppressively reeking of something floral.

Shadow stood by the stove and watched her in confusion. No matter how he wracked his brain, he couldn't figure it out. Did she know she reeked? Was it a choice? Did something happen? Was she sick?

Amy looked up at him and smiled with a tilt of her head. "Is something on your mind?"

"You smell weird."

She gaped at him. Her face flushed and she spluttered, gripping the recipe book so tightly a page slightly tore. "Excuse me?" she demanded, voice ending in a high pitched squeak.

Shadow backpedaled. He didn't know why what he said was wrong, but it was clear he'd agitated her. He may not have necessarily liked Amy, but he didn't want to insult her without reason.

"Different than usual," he said quickly.

For a moment he thought she was going to attempt to hit him with the recipe book, but then something seemed to click in her head. She took a deep breath and set the book down, turning to face him fully.

"It's perfume," she said.

Shadow slightly drew his brows together in confusion. "It's... the act of imparting a sweet smell?"

"No, it's- it's a liquid people use to make themselves smell nice." Amy reached to where her purse was hanging from a hook on the wall. She dug around in it for a second until she found what she wanted and offered him a small bottle with some form of diffuser attached to the tip. Shadow slightly recoiled from the sheer volume of the stench that hit his nose, causing Amy to flinch back. She stiffly held the bottle for a moment before putting it away.

"What's..." Shadow swallowed and took a short breath. "What's wrong with the way you usually smell?"

"Huh!? No, that's-" Amy waved her hands for a moment. "No, there's nothing wrong with how I smell. I don't stink- I hope I don't- I just wanted to feel pretty."

He didn't get it. Then again, he'd never understood things like looks. Maria used to fuss over her dresses and looking neat in the early days, but then she'd slowly stopped caring. Shadow understood basic grooming procedures like tying her hair back and brushing it, but as far as he knew none of those had necessarily applied to him beyond washing and being sterile.

Amy stared hard at him, then turned and picked back up the recipe book with a slight huff. Shadow flicked his inhibitor ring and bit the inside of his cheek.

"...We. Didn't have perfume. On the ARK."

"It seems like you didn't have a lot of things," Amy mumbled.

Shadow flinched. Amy frowned and sighed.

"Sorry. That was uncalled for."

"No, you're right," Shadow said. "I don't understand a lot of what is here on the planet. There was no perfume. There was no grass. Wind was bad. It meant there was a break in the airlocks," he added, catching the confused look on her face. "So I... appreciate you telling me."

The smile slowly returned to Amy's face. She brightened up and offered him the recipe book. He took it and looked at her, puzzled.

"You pick," she said. "We'll learn it together."

Chapter Text

"I can't swim."

Shadow turned his head ever so slightly to watch Sonic from the corner of his eye. The blue hedgehog was leaned back on his hands and had a slightly bitter smile on his face.

"It's funny," Sonic said. "All my friends know this, but it's easier to admit it to you."

Shadow blinked slowly. He wasn't sure how to feel about any of this- relaxing in the sun and watching Tails, Amy and Cream build something overly elaborate for the chao- but he was especially unsure how to feel about Sonic's words. While he knew further distance between them would make it easier when G.U.N. came knocking, every little action from Sonic or his friends showing that they trusted him-

They made Shadow... pleased.

"I can tell Knuckles a few of my fears, but it's hard to tell when he'll make fun of me or not," Sonic continued. "Like with water. He'll just laugh at me if I fall in. You haven't, and I appreciate that."

"I was amused when you fell in while practicing chaos control," Shadow protested.

"Yeah, but you still helped me out of the pond."

Shadow thought about the look on Sonic's face and remembered the sheer panic in his eyes. He still saw the frightened faces of the scientists before they'd died plastered to the insides of his eyelids every night. He'd helped Sonic out of the pond every time because he didn't want to see that look on someone he...

...They weren't friends.

Shadow only ever had one friend. She was gone now. He and Sonic were not friends, no matter how Blue blatantly lumped him in with the rest of his posse.

Shadow couldn't afford friendship. He couldn't afford to be so... open, or honest. Not anymore.

...Still...

"If you could learn to swim, would you?" Shadow asked.

Sonic's reply was immediate.

"No."

...This Blue idiot was confusing.

"Why not?"

Wouldn't it help alleviate his fear of drowning? Sonic wouldn't have to panic if he had control of the situation. Not learning to was irrational.

Sonic scratched his face as if embarrassed. "I mean... yeah, it'd be better if I did, but- I freeze up every time. Eggman's had bases underwater before, and I can force myself to go forward when I have to, but- I'd... rather just stay on the shore."

Shadow couldn't relate.

Sonic was actively letting himself be afraid. If he was given the chance to fix his own problem he wouldn't take it, even though it would make his life easier.

Shadow would have thrown himself at the water again and again until he wasn't scared anymore.

"You're too scared of breaking something," Knuckles's voice said, floating somewhere in the back of his mind, and Shadow had to pause for a moment.

Maybe he did understand, in a way. The way he'd been taught to fix his fear was to throw himself into it again and again, but that would mean forcing himself to destroy historically relevant ruins and to break beautiful trees and have Cream call him a monster until it no longer hurt. Given the chance to have all of that... Shadow wanted to avoid it instead.

He tried to wrap his head around it, but it felt like someone was squeezing his brain. He didn't get it, and it was starting to piss him off.

He took a few breaths to disipate the chaos energy gathering at his fingertips. He needed to cool off and find a way to relax. What was it Knuckles had said- that he needed to learn to have... fun?

Shadow slowly uncurled his fists.

Fun? He wasn't so sure about what made something fun. He thought back to the times he enjoyed most aboard the ARK. He thought about listening to Maria sing horribly or sitting in class with her and pretending to be listening to Professor Mitsuki while secretly signing to each other. He thought about the first time he'd been given shoes and learning how to properly run-

Oh.

Shadow glanced at Sonic.

"...Hey."

"Yeah?"

"Let's race."

Sonic was on his feet in an instant. "Oh you're on!"

They sped off into the trees, oblivious to how Tails and Amy looked at each other and shook their heads with knowing smiles.

Chapter Text

"Chaos... Control!"

Sonic stood with the chaos emerald held aloft. Shadow and Knuckles stood nearby and watched as a gentle breeze ruffled their fur. A bird flew overhead. Somewhere in the distance a cricket chirped.

Knuckles snorted. Sonic's grin became rather awkward.

"Um. Chaos control!"

Sonic wiggled the chaos emerald. Nothing happened.

"'Oooo watch me, Knuckles, I'm going to nail it first try and knock Shadow's socks off'," Knuckles mocked, voice much higher than Sonic's ever was. "Ahuh. I see it now. Sooooo impressive."

Shadow's ears flicked and stood up straight. He ignored the flush on Sonic's face and looked at Knuckles. "He really said that?"

"Oh yeah, he was so bent on impressing you. Here, look, I have all the texts-"

Sonic was suddenly there and clawing at Knuckles's communicator. Knuckles held his arm away from the grabby hands with a shit-eating grin and pushed Sonic's head away with his free hand. Sonic pawed pathetically after it. Shadow recognized it as a playfight and let them be, choosing instead to puzzle over the situation.

Sonic wanted to impress him? He wasn't exactly Blue's superior in rank. He had no authority or ability to give Sonic a promotion. The motivation evaded him.

"Are you even trying?" Knuckles taunted. Sonic was practically climbing on him to get to the wristband. "C'mon, where's all that bravado gone, mister 'he'll think I'm so cool'-"

"That's not what I said!" Sonic shrieked.

"...What did you say?" Shadow asked.

"I DON'T WANNA TALK ABOUT IT!"

"Awww, look Shadow, he's embarrassed! --OW! Did you just bite me?"

Shadow's ears flicked. Not that he wasn't amused, but that just made him more confused. "I can't promote you in rank in any way. Nor will impressing me improve your standard of living."

Both Sonic and Knuckles stopped pushing and shoving each other to stare at him. Shadow felt his hackles raise and slightly avoided meeting their gazes.

Sonic removed his mouth from Knuckles's arm. "Um, what? Why would- no, Shad- no."

"His name is Shadow, not Shadno," Knuckles mumbled.

"Shaddup. Shadow, you've had a friend before, right?"

Friend? More like a sister. Shadow nodded.

"Okay, it's like- have you ever wanted to make them go 'oh wow' or make them think you were cool?"

Shadow slightly tilted his head.

Maria knew he was cool. Of course it made him happy when she praised him, but he didn't do things just to get praise. Why would he have? He already had to do so many performances for others' eyes. Shadow, come here; Shadow, run as fast as you can; Shadow, shoot this, okay, four out of ten bullets hit the exact same spot, do it again.

It was exhausting.

Maybe once or twice, in the early days, before he knew better, he'd tried to show off a little bit. After that there wasn't a point. It was the same thing day in and day out until he was no less than a perfect shot or the best score out of anyone on the ARK. Then it was beating his own score.

Though... Maria had never thought anything else of it. She never expected him to show off or asked him to punch through a tank. If he ever wanted to impress her, it was in far more mundane things. Mending gloves, making silly voices, stealing snacks from the storerooms because she was hungry in the middle of a school exam- those were what really impressed her. Maria cared more about whether Shadow could dance than how fast he could run.

...Okay, maybe he did want her to be impressed, once or twice. Shadow was probably still one of the best speed skaters he knew of, and not because of his speed. He'd even learned how to do a pirouette just to make her laugh.

"...I suppose so," he said.

Knuckles pushed Sonic away and dusted himself off. Sonic took it in stride and quite literally rolled with the shove, somersaulting over to Shadow's side and striking a pose with his fingers in the shape of guns.

"Well there ya go!" Blue said with a wink. "I- well, I want to do chaos control too. You and Mc-Grumpy-Pants over there are so good at it."

"Knuckles can do chaos control?"

"No, I can't," Knuckles huffed. "And I'm not grumpy, you bit me!"

"Chaos energy control," Sonic amended. "Whatever. My point is, I don't want something from you. I want to do what you can. I want to be better."

Shadow highly doubted Sonic could do everything he could. Still, he had to admit he'd be... surprised... if Sonic just up and mastered chaos control. Having the ability to use chaos energy did not mean an instant mastery over it. Even Shadow, who was created to be a master at harnessing chaos energy, who could easily use a chaos emerald instead of food for years, could not master something he was unfamiliar with instantaneously.

If Sonic could do it right away, Shadow would throw away his pride and call Sonic amazing to his face.

(He'd already tried twice and failed. That was never happening.)

...It was nice that Sonic thought he was cool, though.

Chapter Text

"You're quite good with a knife," Vanilla said.

Shadow looked at the knife in his hand. She watched, half amused and half curious, as his ears swiveled and flicked separately from one another, partly flattened, raised again, and went flat on either side like an airplane.

Vanilla didn't know if most hedgehogs could move their ears nearly as much as Shadow could. Maybe it was a factor of him being from space, or maybe it was something all hedgehogs could do. Sonic's ears didn't move nearly as much, and they certainly didn't swivel all the way around like Shadow's did. Amy's ears were very stiff and didn't move a lot at all. It was also possible that they just didn't express themselves that way.

Either way, she found it incredibly charming. Every time he was complemented, praised or thanked, Shadow's ears wiggled and moved. The way they moved depended on what he was doing, and no two movements were the same. Vanilla suspected that they reflected the thoughts that ran through his mind and how he felt about them. On one hand, she felt a sense of bitterness that someone as young as he seemed to be would be so conflicted over a simple expression of gratitude.

On the other, the way his ears wiggled was adorable. She found herself wanting to compliment him in new ways or comment on things just to watch his ears move. What did he think about? What thoughts ran through his head that made one ear quiver upright while the other flicked and twitched?

Vanilla handed him another bowl of freshly washed berries. As bad as he was at shaping cookies or at making a smooth layer of frosting on a cake, Shadow was extremely deft with a blade in his hand. The tip dipped in and twirled with barely a turn of his wrist, and then they had a strawberry shaped like a rose, each cut precise and each slice of fruit thin as paper. Vanilla had only needed to show him a flower and he was off, soon handing her a plate full of pieces of art so delicate that she was almost afraid of touching them.

She watched interestedly as he worked, unable to keep from smiling with admiration as he handed back a plate of tiny roses. Vanilla took each one and very carefully lifted them with a butter knife before placing them on the cake. The two of them stood back and admired their handiwork, Vanilla with quite a bit more pride than Shadow's subdued awe.

She really wanted to ask how he got so good at twisting the knife. He'd said he'd never cooked before, but he was a fast learner and already cut food with a skill rivaling that of a master chef. He didn't seem to trust himself around piping bags or the frosting, instead going for prep work like beating the cream or cutting berries, and that was fine. Not everyone had to be a master at decorating, even if Vanilla was convinced Shadow would do an excellent job at it.

"Well," Vanilla said at last, "it's almost a shame to cut it up."

Shadow's ears flicked again. He gave neither a nod nor a shake of his head, but she knew how he felt anyway.

"I think we'll let it sit in the fridge until Amy and her friends arrive. Thank you for your help."

And there they went, both ears swiveling in her direction, then one laying flat to the side and the other twitching a few times. His left ear stayed in airplane mode while the other flicked, momentarily changing direction as a bird chirped outside, then turning back towards her.

Vanilla was completely charmed. She could just imagine little cogs turning in his head with each little twitch and it had her utterly enamored.

Shadow turned his head and stared at her. He did a lot of talking without speaking, now that she thought about it, seeing the question veiled behind his stoic expression, but all too present in the way his ears were both trained on her, waiting for the next command or order.

"I don't need any more help," she said, nudging him gently. Shadow's ears flattened a little, and she had to hide her bitterness as he did. "I think Cream was looking forward to showing you something in the chao gardens. Something about a cave...?"

Shadow's ears stood straight back up and his eyes slightly widened. He gave her a short little bow and took care to wash the knife and store it properly before leaving with just a little hint of haste in his gait. Vanilla held her chuckle until he was most certainly out of the house, then allowed herself to lean against the counter and sigh. She stared at the wall for a few minutes in silence. Then she stood straight and began to clean up the kitchen.

Chapter Text

Gardening with Shadow turned out to be an interesting time for Vanilla. She'd realized quickly that he must have grown up in quite a sterile environment when he insisted on washing his hands before interacting with Cream or herself. It was getting to the point where she'd begun to worry over just how clean he seemed to think the environment had to be. Shadow swept the floor almost constantly and her counters had never been so pristine. So she got her spare sun hat and placed it on his head, donned her gardening gear and took him out to the garden before plunking herself right in the dirt.

His eyes widened with some mix of horror and curiosity. Vanilla smiled gently and held out her hands to him.

"Are you alright to join me?" she asked softly. "It's alright if you can't."

Shadow looked between herself and the dirt, then back to her, then at the dirt. Slowly, hesitantly, he got on his knees, and she pretended not to see the way he flinched on seeing his white gloves so brown. Vanilla showed him her own gloves that were also stained with soil.

"The word 'dirty' is very fitting when you're covered in it," she joked.

Shadow stared blankly back at her, not understanding. Vanilla merely smiled and reached behind her for her tools. She laid out the trowel, filled watering pail, hand rake and seeds, as well as the starter plants she'd had growing inside. Shadow's interest grew with each item, his eyes locking onto the plant starters and staying on them for microseconds longer than the others.

Vanilla didn't wait for him to ask. She pointed at her starters. "These are vegetable starters. We started them indoors to ensure better germination, but it's time they have proper room to grow. These are carrots and potatoes. Over here are cabbage and tomatoes."

"...They don't need a controlled environment?"

"No. I started them in one, but these plants grow naturally in the wild."

Shadow leaned just a little closer, peering at the tomatoes. "Where are the cages?"

Vanilla reached behind her and produced the tomato cages. "You know some things about gardens, it seems?"

He froze as if he'd been caught. Vanilla set the cages down with the other gear and picked up her hand rake, drawing his eyes to the soil as she began to dig holes for the starters. She showed him the proper distance for the carrots first, gently placing a starter in his hands and motioning at the holes she'd created. Shadow, still stiff, handled the starter as if he were afraid the slightest motion would crush it. He placed it in the hole tenderly and covered it with dirt like one might cover a child with a blanket.

"I... never interacted with the ones we had on the ARK," he admitted meekly, as if this one secret might get him in deep trouble. "Maria... m-my si- fr... my friend. She loved looking at them. She couldn't go in either. Too many germs, they said."

She placed another starter in his hands. Shadow looked at it with great care and placed it in the second hole much the same.

"Because she was sick," Vanilla guessed.

Shadow mutely nodded. Vanilla took a sprout herself and planted it, showing no less care in how she handled the plant, but still showing him that he didn't quite need to be so gentle. Shadow watched her with quiet contemplation.

"...She really wanted to try it at least once," he finally said after a few minutes of silence. "Growing something. Getting her hands dirty. I didn't... understand."

Vanilla sat back. They both watched a butterfly come and land on one of the sprouts, wiggling its wings as it rested for a moment. It took off just as quickly as it had come, moving off to find a flowering weed in the lawn. Shadow's eyes traced its path.

"...What was that?" he whispered.

"A butterfly," she answered. "They pollinate flowers in exchange for the nectar that flowers produce."

He stared after it. Vanilla returned to the starters. Shadow's gaze moved to follow her, then down at his hands.

"I think I'm starting to understand."

Vanilla moved to smile at him, but was startled at how sad he looked. Carefully, slowly, she reached out and gave him a one-armed hug. He was stiff, but then he leaned into it, just briefly, before pulling away. Shadow took another sprout and continued to help place them in the ground.

"Pieris rapae."

Shadow looked up at her. Vanilla winked at him.

"The scientific name for the butterfly we just saw."

His smile was slight, but to her it was just as warm as the afternoon itself.

Chapter Text

Amy discovered it by accident.

It was later in the evening, and Vanilla was gone for a particularly long trip. Cream's bedtime came along, but she was having trouble settling down. Amy chalked it up to Vanilla not being back yet and set about making a cup of hot cocoa in the kitchen. While the kettle was heating up, she padded her way back to Cream's room to ask if Shadow also wanted a cup.

She didn't make it halfway before she stopped. Her head slowly tilted to the side, her eyes wide and her jaw dropping.

A gentle croon, an old lullaby, timeless and powerful. She knew the song by heart.

Ages ago, her own parents had sung it to her. Nostalgia wrapped its ghostly warmth around her heart and slipped tears into her eyes. She hadn't thought about them in- oh, it felt like years. Not since the events with Little Planet and meeting Sonic, at least, and that was... how long ago?

Amy closed her eyes and listened, silently mouthing the words as Shadow drifted them out. Gaia above but the boy could sing. All he needed was a piano or a violin backup and he could easily fit in as some kind of blues or jazz singer, and that was him singing quietly. What would he sound like if he wanted to be heard?

She opened her eyes, realization sinking in. She retreated as soundlessly as she could and returned to the kettle.

Amy wasn't meant to hear it. Shadow was closed off and reserved on a good day. If Amy went and barged in there, gushing about how good of a set of pipes he had on him, it was likely she'd never hear him sing again. She was suddenly jealous of Cream. Out of all of them, even Vanilla, Cream was probably the only one that knew the little things about him. What did he dream about? What did he think about at night? Where did he learn to sing like that?

Until he was ready to say, Amy couldn't- wouldn't- ask.

She pulled the kettle off just as it was about to whistle. She was in the process of making two cups of cocoa when Shadow tapped the doorframe and caught her attention.

"She's asleep," he whispered.

"How'd you manage that?" Amy replied. "I guess she won't need this, then. Want a cup of cocoa?"

"...What's cocoa?"

"Hot chocolate. It's-"

"Oh."

She stopped. Shadow's brows were scrunched. He almost looked angry for a moment, but then she looked closer and saw a slight dullness to his eyes.

"You had cocoa on the ARK?" she asked, keeping her voice light.

Shadow looked down at the cup Amy offered him. He took the cup and stared at the contents. The steam would have made Amy blink by now.

"...It's familiar," Shadow mumbled. "I think... no, I've never had it, but Maria drank it once. Is that it?"

Amy tilted her head. There were a couple things about that sentence she had to unpack. She'd also just barely promised herself to wait until he was ready to talk. What was she supposed to do? Who was Maria? Why wouldn't Shadow be certain of something as simple as knowing if he'd had a drink before? And why did she get the feeling he was in pain?

"..."

He took a tentative sip. Shadow stared down at the cup as if looking at it harder could give him some form of answers.

"You okay?" Amy asked gently.

"I've had this before," Shadow blurted out. "But- I don't remember when."

She didn't understand why that bugged him. "I don't remember my first cup either. It's okay if-"

He set the cup down on the counter with enough force to spill some scalding liquid onto his hand. Amy jumped, startled by the action, and dove for a napkin and the sink. She soaked the napkin in cold water and grabbed his hand. Shadow recoiled, but she ripped off his glove and slapped the napkin on his hand anyway.

"Hold that there."

She turned away and cleaned up the spill, ignoring the way he stared at the back of her head. It only took a second to wipe away the cocoa on the counter and throw the napkin away, yet by the time she looked back Shadow was gone. Amy stood there in shock. Then, still startled, she began to check around the house for him. She eventually found him outside, half-heartedly folded over a tree limb and staring back at her with an intense, unreadable expression.

Amy thought he looked a bit like a scared stray cat. But she'd never say it aloud, even as she went and found a ladder to help get him down. He tried to stumble through a meek apology, doing his best to subtly hide his ungloved hand from her view. Amy took him by the other hand and led him back to the house. His quills all stood up and had leaves stuck to them and his ears were pinned flat, not so much as twitching when an owl hooted outside. Amy wordlessly handed him a spare set of gloves and sat on the couch to think. Shadow just kind of stood there where she'd left him.

They stayed like that until Vanilla came home, Shadow frozen in place as if waiting for something and Amy trying to figure out what to do next.

When Vanilla walked in the door, Amy pretended nothing happened. She maintained her cheerful attitude and cleaned up the dishes before settling down on the couch for the night. Shadow had disappeared again, but she knew from Vanilla murmuring a soft good night down the hall that he was at least inside and not hanging from a limb.

Amy tossed and turned, unable to get the way he reacted to the cocoa out of her mind.

It shouldn't have been a big deal. It was just cocoa.

But it was a big deal. He'd admitted something to her, a small frustration, a look into his life before Sonic had tripped over his stasis pod and he'd been brought down to the planet. And then there was the way he acted afterwards, trying to apologize for- what? For being uncomfortable with physical touch? For Amy not explaining why she panicked and tried to keep his hand from burning?

Amy sighed and sat up, rubbing her temples. She promised herself she wouldn't ask about any of it unless he was ready to answer or brought it up himself, but it felt like she was going backwards. And then there was that song, embedded deeply in her heart; the lyrics were in her mother's voice with her father's awkward harmony warbling along, sometimes in tune and sometimes not. A familiar ache she'd pushed to the recesses of her mind and to history that she'd rather not have remembered.

She thought about the cocoa again and pushed herself off the couch. Amy padded to Shadow's room, noting how the door was open. Shadow was on the floor, sitting with just the tip of one of his quills in the moonlight. His face was buried in his knees.

"...Hey," Amy said softly.

Shadow's head lifted to look at her. She winced at his wary gaze and cleared her throat.

"Can I..."

She faltered, took a breath and sat down outside his room and leaned on the doorframe. Amy smoothed out her pajamas and folded her hands. She wasn't sure where to start.

"I don't remember a lot of my early childhood," she blurted out, instantly biting her lip. Her voice was already cracking.

She cast a quick, furtive little glance Shadow's way and nearly jumped. He was fully looking at her, red eyes softly glowing in the dark. Amy didn't know they did that.

"I, um. I'm something like a war orphan," she said meekly. "I don't remember much about my parents. I was alone until Sonic showed up on Little Planet. I, uh... aheehee, I guess that's part of why I imprinted so much on him... But, there was a time where I didn't think about why I couldn't remember anything. Eggman showed up with the first model of Metal Sonic, and then it was just hectic adventure after adventure, and me relying on my fortune cards to get by..."

Amy's voice faltered. She cleared her throat and fussed with the hem of her shirt.

"It... changed, a little, after I met Miss Vanilla and Cream. I think I had a cousin. He looked kind of like Sonic, except he was a lot older. Sometimes I think Vanilla reminds me of him, with how calm and poised she is. Anyway, um. Someone once asked me who taught me to read fortune cards, and... well, I don't remember."

She shivered and hugged herself.

"It hurts to," she whispered. "...But there's a nostalgic feeling. It was a good memory."

Shadow shuffled a little bit. Amy blinked as his freshly gloved hand reached around the doorframe and awkwardly held out a tissue. Amy gave a decidedly unladylike snort and wiped her face with it, not even bothering to question where he'd gotten it from.

"...I didn't mean to be pushy or mean earlier," Amy said. "I just... I kind of understand. And I panicked a little bit when the cocoa spilled. I'm sorry I made you uncomfortable and invaded your boundaries."

Only silence greeted her. Amy sat, stewing in her growing frustration with the situation and herself, and finally found herself just feeling tired and sad. She had just started moving to get up when Shadow finally spoke, his voice barely audible even in the silence.

"...Nostalgia."

Amy blinked and looked at him. Shadow was frowning at the moonbeams on the floor. His eyes were still glowing, softly illuminating his face like a gentle night light.

"It's... bitter. But cocoa... is sweet," he murmured. "It contradicts itself."

Amy blinked back tears and took the next proffered tissue, staring at it for a moment before wiping her face again.

"Yeah. It does."

"Amy?"

"Yeah?"

"I think I hate cocoa."

And honestly? She couldn't fault him.

"Is tea okay?"

"Is that the stuff Miss Vanilla makes?"

"Yeah. I think yours is an herbal blend."

"...I like that."

"Okay."

"I won't spill it again."

Amy chuckled dryly. "It's okay. Is your hand okay?"

"It's fine'."

Amy rested her head against the doorway instead, closing eyes that were heavy with relief. "I'm glad."

Chapter Text

The second time Sonic and Tails took Shadow to visit Angel Island, Knuckles was waiting for them with a rather large group of rocks nearby. Despite Shadow's initial thoughts that perhaps they were there for taking down the Tornado, that turned out not to be the case as Tails was able to land safely nearby. Shadow kept a weary eye on the echidna, but Sonic just hopped off the wing of the plane and vaulted over a few of the larger rocks as if they were a playground built just for him.

Knuckles shook his head at Sonic, instead choosing to wave at Tails. His hand hesitated on seeing Shadow and his eyes narrowed. Shadow's quills subtly stiffened in response. Tails leapt out of the plane and ran to his friends, where Knuckles instantly switched to patting his head and saying hello. His glances Shadow's way were not subtle in the least.

At least one of them was wary about him. Admittedly, though, Shadow wasn't sure anymore whether he appreciated the level of distrust Knuckles had or hated the way he was being scrutinized. Social interactions beyond the controlled environment of the ARK were exhausting.

But he only had to bear with it for a little while longer. Once his business with G.U.N. and the coming event were over, he could become a ghost.

"Shadow, what are you doing over there?" Sonic called, adopting a teasing tone. "Don't tell me Knuckles is scaring you away? Don't be afraid, he's really just a big rock ner- ow! Stop punching me! I'm right, aren't I!?"

"Being learned is not a thing to make fun of," Knuckles retorted hotly. "And I seem to remember a certain blue intruder being interested in my peoples' history as well."

Shadow scoffed. He leapt down from the plane and approached the group, choosing to stand next to Tails instead. The young fox paid him little attention, too absorbed in examining the rocks. Shadow spared one a glance, then glanced at it again, the hint of a sparkle catching his eye. He slowly began to realize why the rocks were all gathered there.

"Are these... fossils?"

Knuckles threw Sonic a proud smirk. Sonic stuck out his tongue like a mature person and got a light smack for it.

"That group on the north side is," Knuckles said, coming closer and gesturing at the rocks. "I excavated these just this morning out of what used to be an old riverbed. Over here are geodes. And these- these ones I just grabbed because they sparkled."

"Did you grab it from the volcano?" Shadow asked, peering closer at the flecks on the rock.

"I did. Why?"

Shadow scratched gently at the surface. "It has some micaceous faces and the white specs are likely from the cleavage of plagioclase. It's possible the sparkling is from tiny crystals of quartz. Rocks like this form from magma intrusions that cooled slightly slower than the surface but faster than the deeper parts. The quartz is likely fractured instead of cleaved, but it's... what?"

"Nerds of a feather flock together," Sonic said, grinning.

Knuckles punched his arm hard enough to send him rolling away, then held out a pinkish rock to Shadow. "What do you think about this one?"

Shadow took it and rotated it in his hands. "Looks like chalcedony. Also igneous in nature, since it's a noncrystaline form of quartz. You found this in a more sedimentary section, I'm guessing."

"Right," Knuckles said. "I was looking for the right mineral to restore one of the murals when I found it. Thought it was pretty."

"It is pretty."

Knuckles took the chalcedony back and replaced it with another rock. "This one I grabbed because the face of it looks like Sonic's when he eats something that tastes bad."

Tails barely concealed his snort. Sonic shoved his face closer to look at it, then mimicked the same expression Knuckles was describing. Shadow suppressed the sudden urge to shove them all away and stood impassively where he was. Knuckles smirked at Sonic, then peered at Shadow.

"I didn't expect you to know so much about rocks," the echidna said carefully.

"Geologists are scientists too," Shadow replied, feeling as if his voice was distant and not quite coming from his body.

One of Maria's favorite teachers was a geologist. Doctor Mitsuki had a voice like velvet and a passion for weirdly shaped rocks. He was there to study asteroids, but would talk for hours on end about how to tell the history of a rock from the stripes of colors down to the formation of the smallest crystals in the surface. Maria would be held enraptured the entire time, as she was with anything else involving the planet below, her eyes sparkling brighter than any rock Shadow had seen.

He had volunteered to be one of the scientists to stay behind when the ARK was shut down. His blood probably still stained the very rocks he'd been studying.

But he'd have been happy to know that Shadow had at least retained some of his knowledge. He always lit up when Shadow spat his lessons back at him.

Actually, Shadow retained all of Doctor Mitsuki's lessons. Those were some of the few lectures that raptly held his attention. The others he'd only paid attention because Maria did or because they might help him help Maria. Doctor Mitsuki, though- he didn't care that Shadow wasn't human, or that he was grown in a lab. He cared about his rocks. Shadow had found that a lot easier to deal with. Especially on bad days.

Tails piped in from somewhere to his left. "That's great, Knuckles! You have someone you can talk rocks with!"

Knuckles scoffed. "Hah! We'll see. Showtime's over."

He started walking away, waving for them to follow. Sonic walked by Knuckles's side with his hands clasped behind his head, and Tails ran to catch up. Shadow hung back for a moment to stare at the rocks one last time. He shook his head and followed the others, pushing away the face that kept springing to his mind.