Chapter Text
Leo glared hard at the face of the training dummy. He took a deep breath to try and calm his growing frustration with it and regain focus.
As he stared at the dummy, he tried to remember each part of the new move he was currently trying to teach himself using Master Splinter's books and scrolls. Now that his father was no longer here, he needed to make sure he learned everything he possibly could so he could teach his brothers. He needed to make sure he got it perfect, no matter how many times he had to try.
He hesitated for a moment before attempting to perform the move again. It came out as a sloppy combination of punches and kicks that ultimately left Leo falling onto his shell, holding his face as he struggled to keep himself from screaming in anger.
Who was he kidding? He could hardly perform even the basics anymore without feeling like he was going to pass out, it was the reason he hadn't insisted on training sessions or patrols with his brothers for weeks.
He hadn't slept well ever since Splinter died, his mind plagued by nightmares and countless thoughts and questions he could no longer talk to his father about. He was lucky if he got even an hour of sleep each night.
His stomach was also making him pay for how little he'd been eating, making him feel like he might start throwing up the few snacks he ate earlier. He just couldn't bring himself to eat much, especially not around his brothers. He didn't have the energy to talk to them, and it felt like every time he saw them there was this tension. They had this look in their eyes, like they were just on the verge of starting a conversation Leo did not want to have.
He was letting them down, failing their father's final wishes. They needed him to be strong, to be someone they could trust, and he couldn't even take care of himself. But that's why he was here right? He had to keep trying, to push through the urge to give up and stay down. If he could just prove to himself that his struggles couldn't stop him from progressing, then he might be able to get better and be the leader his brothers needed now more than ever.
So he forced himself back to his feet, wanting to try the move again. Instead though, the movement caused a wave of dizziness and made him stumble. His body felt heavy, and the world seemed to be spinning in a blur of colors around him as darkness started to enter his vision. Just as he felt himself falling towards the floor and the world started turning black, he heard someone calling his name and several pairs of hands grabbing onto him.
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Things couldn't keep going on like this.
The turtles stared at their unconscious brother as he laid on a table in the lab, each of them feeling concerned. Donnie had said Leo wasn't hurt, he was only suffering from exhaustion due to a combination of malnutrition and a lack of sleep. Which wasn't necessarily good, but at least he didn't seriously hurt himself.
It wasn't hard to see why Leo had passed out, just looking at him made it clear that he hadn't been taking care of himself. There were bags under his eyes, and he clearly lost weight, though it wasn't too severe yet. They could also see, and somewhat smell, signs that he hadn't even been bathing.
They knew this should've been addressed more seriously a long time ago. Each of them had tried to offer their clearly struggling brother help multiple times or at least get him to spend time with them, but Leo had rebuked them and isolated himself more and more over the past couple of months. He'd even stopped training with them after Raph had pointed out how sloppy his movements had become, the two of them arguing before Leo locked himself in his room. Raph hadn't meant for things to turn out like that, he just didn't want to ignore what was going on and hoped that maybe his brother would be willing to admit he needed help if he knew the others could see it too, that he couldn't and shouldn't hide it.
Leo was starting to wake up, causing each of his brothers to glance at each other, silently trying to figure out what to say and who should be the one to say it. Who could get Leo to actually listen?
Donnie took a deep breath and tried to put on a gentle smile as Leo sat up, trying to figure out how to approach this without making Leo feel threatened. "Hey Leo, how are you feeling?" he asked, sounding more nervous than he meant to.
Leo groaned. "Wha...?" he mumbled, looking at them with confusion before his expression changed to a weird mix of embarrassment and anxiety. "Oh, um...I'm fine." he said as he stared at a far wall, determined to avoid looking any of his brothers in the eyes.
Raph scoffed at that. "Really? 'Cause last time I checked; people don't randomly pass out when they're 'fine'!" A glare from Donnie got him to be quiet, though Raph held a determined expression that showed he stood by what he said.
"What Raph means to say is," Donnie said as he turned his gaze back to Leo, trying to keep both his tone and expression gentle, "We're worried about you. We've noticed that you haven't been acting like yourself lately and what just happened in the dojo only makes us even more certain that you need help-"
"I said I'm fine!" Leo cut him off, quickly standing up from the table. The sudden movement caused some dizziness, but he was able to regain his footing and glared at his brothers defiantly. His glare was particularly focused on Donnie, who had reached out a hand in worry when he saw Leo stumble. He quickly slapped Donnie's hand away from him. "I'm the head of this clan now, that means I need to be able to handle things on my own!" He started to walk towards the lab doors, "You guys should focus on yourselves until I can get things back to normal again." He finished, wanting to avoid any further discussion. He was irritated when he found Mikey standing in his way, which got even stronger as Raph moved to help their baby brother block Leo's exit.
"Come on dude! I get that being the leader means a lot to you, but you're our brother too!" Mikey pleaded, his tone desperate. "We hardly get to see you anymore, but when we do you look like you're just getting worse every day!"
Leo was about to speak, but Raph quickly added his own thoughts before he could utter a single word. "What exactly do you think is gonna happen if you keep doing this to yourself?" He quickly stepped right in front of Leo, putting one accusing finger on his plastron as his older brother glared down at him. "I'll tell you what's gonna happen, you're going to pass out again and we might not be there when it happens! And in case you forgot-" Raph spread out his arms, gesturing to the lab and by extension, their whole home. "-the lair is made out of brick and concrete! You could crack your skull open next time you fall to the ground because you refuse to sleep or eat something!"
Leo backed away a few feet from Raph. "That's why most of the dojo's floor is covered in mats, so there's something to soften any falls we have since that's the natural consequence of our training." He said mechanically, just wanting Raph to leave him alone. "And I do eat, Raph."
"The occasional snack isn't enough to keep you going Leo. Especially when you keep trying to train non-stop." Donnie countered, stepping a bit closer to Leo who glared at him from over his shoulder. "You're already training too much even if you were eating and sleeping well, so trying to do it while you're basically running on fumes is even worse!" He added, his frustration with his stubborn brother finally entering his voice.
"I can handle this myself! I get that you guys are worried, but I have things under control." Leo insisted, his tone aggravated and expression desperate to convince them. "If I really needed help, then I would come to you guys. But I don't, so leave me alone." He finished, roughly pushing Raph to the side and making a run for the door before his brother could process what just happened. His run was brought to an abrupt stop as someone bearhugged him from behind, holding him in place.
He could practically hear the tears in Mikey's voice as he continued to plead. "Leo, please. I don't want to lose you too."
"None of us do." Donnie added, his tone similarly desperate.
"We aren't going to let you keep pushing us away." Raph said, his voice losing its anger but keeping a resolute tone. Then he added in a softer, pleading tone, "We love you man."
Leo found himself frozen in place for a moment. It broke his heart to hear the pain he was causing all of them, especially when he knew they were right. He was hurting himself, punishing himself for his failure to protect their father, and he was hurting them in the process. Despite this, he just couldn't bring himself to stop. Some part of him felt like if he did, then he'd shatter completely and he didn't want his brothers to see that. Both because he hated the idea of them having to help him when they're already going through their own pain, and some small, secret part of him didn't trust them to not make things worse.
The moment broke when he heard the sound of two sets of approaching footsteps behind him. He didn't want Raph and Donnie to hug him, it was hard enough to keep it together with Mikey desperately clinging to him. He'd break if all of his brothers hugged him, things would feel too real.
So he broke out of Mikey's hold and dashed into his room, closing and locking the door behind him. He slowly sat down on the floor, his shell leaning against the door. He sat there for a few minutes, trying to calm himself down. He couldn't help but be relieved when his brothers didn't try to come to his door.
Shame quickly replaced that relief, making Leo put his face in his hands. What was he doing? Hiding from his brothers, thinking of them almost like enemies he needed to avoid at all costs? Because he wasn't strong enough to stop himself from sinking into his grief?
He curled up against the door. Even in the privacy of his own room he refused to let himself cry.
Outside Leo's room, his brothers stared at where Leo went from just beyond the lab's door. Mikey was wiping tears that had escaped his eyes, Donnie wore a very worried look on his face, while Raph's expression was one of both frustration and determination.
They all looked at each other, nodding in silent understanding before going back into the lab and closing the door behind them.