Chapter Text
I expected the Lancers to sweep into the lobby, chests puffed out with the swagger of the undefeated, smirking grins or smouldering seriousness fixed in place, but they just traipsed off a bus and shuffled through the doors with yawns, coffees and travel bags.
Despite this, they still all looked like fitness models which meant they had been vigorously worked over by Image, even the bright green lizard looking Case Fifty-Three was wearing a hat that looked specifically designed to blunt the impact of his dinosaur face.
"That guy's my Nemesis," Tyrone elbowed me in the side, gesturing at the guy with the shamanic hawk mask and also live hawk on his shoulder. "He totally ripped off my style."
I exhaled loudly through my nose, but I was more concerned with the fact that five out of the eight of them were girls than Tyrone once again accidentally admitting his fetish. I'd had a quick flick through of How To Make Friends when we'd gone to the bookstore for Amy's present, and a not so quick flick through of pickup forums over the course of the years so I had a vague outline of how to behave, even if I'd never been able to stick to it before.
A different outline to how I handled the Sophia date, a better one.
Weld and Jouster stepped up to each other, Jouster dropping his bag and shuffling his coffee to his left hand took Weld's in his right. They shook, clasped, and dragged each other in for a bro hug that lasted just long enough that neither of them had to say 'no homo' afterwards.
"Late night?" Weld asked, the subtle motion of his head indicating he was glancing down at the coffee cup.
Jouster made an affirming noise. "Big charity event, fishing for sponsors or whatever. Nothing that fun."
"I feel that. How's the rest of the team?" Weld looked around at the New Yorkers, posture opening up to invite answers from the group rather than just Jouster.
Man, now that I knew what I was looking for putting the pieces together wasn't that hard.
The group responded, and I listened carefully for which one had the nicest voice… results inconclusive. Weld nodded in response to the tangle of 'good's and 'fine's, motioning for them to follow him. It was time.
I positioned myself carefully so that the flow of the group would place me close to the New York team. I waited until Basilisk glanced over at me, giving me an excuse to make eye contact.
"Hey!" I layered on my smile, sidling closer. "It's awesome to meet you guys, I've heard that the Lancers are the best of the best, we're going to have our work cut out for us I expect. I'm Dark Smoke Puncher," I stuck my hand out.
"That's quite a name," Basilisk said with none of the expected lisping hiss, grasping my hand in his clawed one, his forked tongue lashing out as though tasting for lies. "Basilisk. It's nice to meet you too."
"Yeah, I really didn't want any of the names they picked out for me. Like Myst, or Smokestack, or whatever? Bland. Anyway, I saw in the news that you guys had a big arrest recently, how was that? The biggest thing I've done was sidekick for Weld when he raided one of Blasto's warehouses."
Basilisk huffed, pulling his hat lower over his eyes. "I didn't have much to do with that one."
I, having access to internal reports, already knew this.
"Oh?" I asked. "Who did?"
Basilisk turned to his left, "Bangarang. Their new guy wants a word."
The girl in the black and electric blue armour shifted through from the other side of the group, looping around to avoid walking in front of anyone.
"What's up?" she asked, voice layered with a trace of Jamaican accent. "About what?"
"You were the one who arrested Diablo, right? I'd love to hear about it."
"Yes," she said smugly. "It was one of those things where if it went even slightly worse the senior Protectorate member would have had to claim it, but I nailed it. Not even a scratch. The idiot was distracted by Prism, so all I had to do was slide in and pow! Right in the kisser!"
She let loose a punch that echoed with a distorted ringing gong. "I have absolutely no idea what he was thinking, it was such an avoidable fuck up. Still, not going to complain, it got me mad cred."
"Hell yeah!" I grinned. "I bet you could take him one v. one, I've never heard of him so he can't be monster strong."
"Maybe I could," Alvita buffed her gloved fingernails on her chest plate.
"I bet you could kick some ass too," I turned my smile from Alvita to NaKrull. "You don't look like a chump."
"I've won my share of fights," he said blandly, shifting his gaze away, probably to avoid saying anything about his shady mercenary past.
God damn poor Case Fifty Threes. What the fuck was Cauldron thinking? I mean, they could have been worse and chosen completely healthy, happy people to test their potions on instead of ones who were dying, but memory wiping them and dumping them into Bet completely failed to ameliorate anything. I'd have some strong words for whatever witch ran the show when I found them.
"How about you," Basilisk continued. "How new are you?"
"Yeah! How do you stack up?" Bangarang gestured animatedly raising her hand from waist to head height and back again. "We're going to crush you guys again, but still."
"Oh," I scratched my neck, looking down. "You know. I do ok, got a couple of powers that synergise. I'd say my biggest fight is when some of Brockton's local Nazi's tried to have a go, but Armsmaster took care of a lot of that. I was from there originally, actually, I'm only here because some other turdburgling villain tried to frame me for breaking the unwritten rules."
"No shit?" Bangarang frowned. "That sucks. Brockton lives up to its rep?"
"It's a hole."
Basilisk made a slightly inhuman humming noise. "Everything might be bigger in New York, but at least we don't have Nazi's. You have my condolences."
"Thanks," I said, executing a Sideways-Looking-Up Smile that my newest power indicated would make them treat me as something to be protected. Oh, there was that slimy feeling again like when I manipulated Weld into taking me to the Blasto raid. It also probably totally tanked my chances with Alvita, my pick up forum experience told me that girls liked to be the ones being protected. Dammit.
Wrong fucking smile, Greg.
"When I graduate the Wards, I'll see about joining you guys in New York."
"Good luck!"
I looked over behind Basilisk to see who had spoken.
"Everyone wants to be in New York," Jetstar muscled her way into the conversation, forcing Basilisk to step to the side to avoid treading on her heels. "You have to be scouted, you don't just 'see about joining'."
"Well, you could put in a good word for me, right?" I said, biting back the smugness that came with being able to have a power that saw the future telling you it was very possible for you to be in the top ten ranked Protectorate heroes, thus a shoo-in.
"Yes," she said, jutting her chin out. "Even Dragon uses my engine designs. You have to earn it, maybe if you impress me this week I'll still remember your name by the time you graduate."
"I'm Dark Smoke Puncher." I offered my hand to shake and god was I getting flashbacks of pulling this same attitude in Brockton, back when people started to take my claims of being the Crawler of the Dauntless genre seriously. I understood the swell head this shit gave you, and I could see by her power that her flight suit would be impressive when she pulled it out during the week. Unfortunately for her, her power didn't make her permanently wiser when she managed to have moments of baseline human common sense. "And I'll do my best."
Jetstar raised an eyebrow, an almost derisive gesture if the rest of her body language wasn't saying something else, and left the conversation as promptly as she joined letting Basilisk return to his former place next to me. He, Alvita and I made pleasant chit-chat for the rest of the way to the Wards quarters, whereupon Weld clapped loudly to get everyone's attention, a harsh crashing jangle.
"I have a little surprise for everyone!" he grinned broadly, creasing the bright gold of his facial lines. "If anyone's interested we've got free entry to Bad Canary's latest show, but only if we show up in costume. I'm sure as hell going, any other takers?"
「You know, this is nice,」Lily said, leaning forward slightly. 「I don't get to use my Japanese as often as I'd like.」
「Me either!」 I matched her lean, over the bus seat that grumbled and rattled beneath my elbows. This was a good sign, her leaning in. Plus she was Japanese, which was even more my type than Sophia or Tattletale were. This was it, Greg boy, the real reward for the girlfriend quest wasn't the exp or items or whatever, it was the genuine companionship.
And that sweet puss.
「What made you pick up the language?」
「Oh, um,」 I looked down to the right. It was because of the anime tiddies, but that wasn't something anyone needed to hear. Anymore. Urgh. 「When I was finally old enough to understand what happened at Kyushu I just thought about how sad it was, that like a third of a languages speakers could just die, so I started getting into some of the media still coming out of there, but I was never very good at it until I got powers. I pick things like that up pretty quick nowadays.」
I could see her posture just melt.
「That's so lovely.」Lily placed a hand over her heart.
「Oh.」 I shrugged. 「It's not all that. Some of it was just because I like anime.」
「Wapanese!」she laughed, a beauteous sound of dreams and hand-holding. 「But that's ok, I like some of it too.」
She was perfect. I was in love and we were going to get married because I didn't have a fixation on falling in love with unobtainable targets so that I didn't have to deal with the reality of relationships.
「Maybe we should try to get everyone to watch Princess Mononoke, like for a movie night this week?」I said, holding one hand palm up. It was a nice inoffensive choice, nice family movie, no panty shots or haremshit.
「Ghibli films are always a good choice, shame they don't make them anymore.」
「Don't remind me.」I hunched my shoulders. 「The Aleph ones just aren't the same.」
We chatted for a few minutes more until the bus pulled up and we all shuffled off, with Lily stepping off to talk to Noodle as I fell into step beside Tyrone.
"Gettin' in with Flechette?" he stage whispered suggestively, bumping me with his shoulder.
The big pink balloon that had been inflating in my chest cavity swelled a little larger. "She's so nice! Why did nobody tell me?" I inhaled as deeply as I could, looking out over the lines of people waiting to get into the concert, everyone so happy to see us, all the other Wards smiling and laughing. Brockton could never have anything like this. "I think I'm going to transfer here permanently."
Tyrone grinned delightedly. "Hell yeah! I mean, if you left who would I play Magic with?"
I chortled and fell quiet as our group was let through the VIP gate. I accepted a backstage pass lanyard from the ticket checker lady and slipped it over my neck. Our group bottle-necked with the rest of the VIP's as security scanned each of us in turn with their metal detectors. I watched as Weld set off the alarm, a fixed grimace of a smile on his face, and choked out an apology. The security guard frowned, the troubled uncomfortable expression of a man who has accidentally asked a paraplegic veteran to stand for the national anthem, and waved him through.
Hunch patted him as high up on the back as he could, shooting the guard a glare before heading on through.
Poor Weld. As if Cauldron hadn't hurt him enough! Bunch of shits! I'll fucking stir them so hard when I actually found out who they were and what dimension they were hiding in. I bet Alexandria, Legend and Eidolon knew something, there had to have been something to tip them off in the past twenty years of running America's parahuman scene, some villain that folded in return for not being birdcaged or a hero who couldn't live with the guilt of buying powers from the kind of scum-sucking shitters who turned amazing people into Mimics, tin men and neanderthals and didn't even apologise.
I fumed impotently all the way to our private balcony section. I was strong, for my weight class as it were, but in the grand scheme of things I wasn't all that. I needed to step up my training from where I'd been slacking off lately, but it was hard to make myself these days. But I needed to, the world was ending.
I slipped into a comfy padded chair next to Hunch, so that I could ogle the back of Lily's neck from a prime angle. Hunch and I didn't talk much. I think it was because his pre-cog was extra unreliable around me sometimes, like Dez's which sometimes gave out some fantastically unrealistic visions when I was involved which was cool when if I was going to be fighting enemy Thinkers but lame if I needed Thinker support.
Norman sat down heavily next to me before Tyrone could take the seat, consigning me to have no one to talk to but myself.
At least I'm good company, eh?
Sure, but what are you even good for?
I already knew, but the ridiculous pantomime helped me keep track of things. I'd had days to puzzle out the true function of Multitask, and I was not left wanting. If you could call me, on the day I got my powers, Super Greg, and the day I picked the mana control perk Super Greg Two, then this was to go even further beyond.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
I was a Greg that had ascended beyond the level of all previous Gregs; I could reliably cast two spells at the same time. And if that weren't enough, I could cast a spell with one mind and focus the other purely on wielding the unfathomable cosmic power, leaving me with a superior effect and a far greater understanding on how to control my magic.
It's not enough to tank Cauldron, but I think we're actually proud of our self, aren't we. We beat Assmaster and it took us to a whole new level, and not just in power. I managed to meet new girls and not have them end up looking at me like I was a jizz encrusted pillow fucker, I think they call this Normie Passing.
I think it was the making an effort to learn how not to be a sperg.
Now just imagine if we bought that body language book six months ago.
It would have said I needed more CHA or WIS and I would have forgotten about it.
But we've learned that lesson.
Too right we have.
I contented myself with internal preening and the sight of the flashes of skin between Lily's collar and hairline until the spotlight on the stage lit up, cutting the babbling crown silent for all of five seconds until they started cheering and whooping as Canary walked onto the stage, smiling and waving energetically as smoke machines partially hid the backing band with gold lit mist.
A huge screen lit up above the stage, a four K ultra HD closeup of Canary's face grinned out at everyone.
"Thank you all so much for coming!" She smoothed a lock of bright yellow feathers behind her ear as the crowd melted into incoherent screaming at the sound of her voice. It was definitely something, high, musical and lilting, crisp and clear. "Are you ready?"
The crowd hollered, but she grinned wider and raised a hand to her ear. "What was that?"
I joined in this time, projecting my voice as far and loud as I could. Some unspoken level of loudness was reached and the band started playing.
Canary took an audible breath and sang.
It was truly amazing. Like auditory silk. Sweet like sugar and smooth like water. A warm cloth wiping away my pain and rage in a way pirated copies of her songs never could. There was me and the music and nothing else really mattered.
It took me a moment to drag myself out of the cozy rapture and read what that particular debuff did. I started observing random people in the audience and …Really harshing my vibe here, power. Everyone knew her singing had some sort of mind control aspect but it was a miracle something horrible hadn't happened, the Suggestible condition would last a fair while after she stopped singing, and it didn't need to be her giving the suggestion.
I could tell Lily to make out with me right now and she would. Someone could tell someone else to do something worse, and they would.
I don't even think Canary knew this, she'd bought her powers. On one hand, good on her for choosing the Rogue life, but on the other, Cauldron.
I had to go and do something about this, but… after the show. I needed this to unwind a little.
Mana wrapped around me like a second skin, mimicking the environment near perfectly, so when I slipped out of my seat halfway through Vulgarishous nobody noticed. It was the upgraded version of Chameleon Haze, and my power termed it Cuttlefish Skin.
I leapt out of the balcony, soaring over the enraptured crowd and landing lightly on the back of an unoccupied chair. It creaked as I jumped off into a clear patch of the floor near the stage, nobody would have noticed anyway given who was singing but I wasn't sure if I was allowed backstage until after the show ended.
I walked around backstage, stealing past security with ease until I came to a spot where I could see Canary onstage. This would no doubt be where she would exit when she finished this song. I left my spell running, it was so cheap in comparison I could have it on without hamstringing myself if some problem were to occur.
Everything went according to plan. Canary finished her song, gave the crowd her parting thanks and exited stage left right in front of me.
I dropped my spell and stepped forward.
"Hey, sorry I'm here early, I know you want to catch your breath before getting ambushed by fans but I just had to say hello!"
She gave a little start but recovered admirably after taking in my uniform and VIP lanyard.
"Well, yes. I recognise you, you're one of the Wards, right?"
"Yes!" I stepped closer, holding out my hand. "I'm Dark Smoke Puncher! Thank you so much for not kicking me out, I love your music so I just wanted to tell you how good it made me feel tonight. I haven't felt this pumped in ages, you're remarkable!"
"Oh well thanks," Canary said stepping forward to shake my hand. "I'm just doing what I love, moving people with my music."
"It's so inspiring. I'm actually planning on getting into singing and guitar and posting stuff on my Wards social media, and I hope I can end up sounding a fifth as good as you someday-"
"Oi!"
We both turned to see a very angry guy storm up, all raised hackles and fake smiles.
"Hey, Paige. I can see you're making it big, making lots of money. My money. I pushed you into this, I encouraged you the whole time and you repay me by cutting me out? I made you, and you owe me. Half."
I flinched back at the venom in his voice, glancing over to see that Canary had gone from all smiles to stab-a-cunt pissed in the space of a few seconds.
"Like fucking hell!" She hissed. "You…"
She trailed off, her clenched fist raising slightly. He matched her stance and oh fuck were they about to throw down?
"Uh," I said and she turned to look at me, then turned back to the guy.
"Can't you see I'm talking to someone? Piss off."
The guy snapped his jaw shit, mouth twisting like he was eating a lemon, every muscle in his body tense and hunched, face purple with consternation. Then he just left, liquid leaking down the inseam of his jeans and leaving a trail on the floor. Canary didn't seem to notice this, as she continued to fume at his retreating back.
"Absolute dickhead. Absolute cockmongling dickhead. Thinks he can come here with that after what he did?" she scoffed, rustling her feathers with a contemptuous shake of her head.
"He seems like a douche."
"A big, sloppy douche," Canary said, suddenly tired. She exhaled deeply and rubbed at her eyes. "I'm sorry you had to see that, I don't know how he got back here."
"He won't be coming back, which is also something I wanted to tell you about." I pointed to the wet trail. "He actually pissed off. If you'd told him to go suck a dick, he would have. You should be more careful with that, you're too beautiful to go to prison."
I smiled, my sparkle cosmetic flashing handsomely above my Armsbeard. I saw her pupils dilate for a fraction of a second before she realised I was a minor who worked for the government but she smiled anyway.
"Maybe I should have told him to go suck a dick. Or to go fuck himself, it'd be completely worth it."
I wanted to stress to her that the outcome of that would put her in supermax for twenty years without parole, but figured she probably knew and was just joking. I shook my head to make sure she understood my take on the matter. "Anyway, as I was saying before that jackoff interrupted, I'm going to start making music soon. Can I tweet it to you? I'd love to know what you think, even if you think it's shit. Maybe we could collab one day? It'd get you some points with the PRT, I know being a rogue can be hard."
"Yeah, tweet it at me for sure. I'm sure you won't suck, you have a fantastic voice," she tapped her pursed lips with her forefinger rapidly. "As for collabing… I don't mind but I'll check with my managers to see how it would play out for my image. I imagine it'll be fine though, I want to go mainstream so I'll get accused of being a sellout shill regardless. Yeah," she tilted her head to the side and smiled, tucking her feathers behind her ear. "Once you start putting your stuff out there I'll get back to you."
My sparkle cosmetic lit up my face as much as my smile did. "Thank you so much! It'll be great, I promise! I'll let you go have a sit down before you go out and see your fans, all the wards got backstage passes so I'll see you again in a minute anyway."
I shook her hand vigorously, gave her one last smile and turned invisible. I had to get back before Weld got too mad and scolded me while girls were watching.