Chapter Text
It was the numbness I wasn't used to. I didn't like it, but maybe it was better than breaking down like dad had. I didn't think it was because I was stronger than he was, or loved her any less, I don't know… Maybe everything that had happened to me so far made it easier to deal with it. Dad had already left, unable to handle being in the room any longer, unable to handle being next to her. Even all those times I'd nearly died I didn't feel half as washed out as this, I was flush with emotion then but now?
I stared at my feet, ignoring the slight creaking of someone opening the door and the eventual feel of their hand on my shoulder.
"I healed all the physical damage, but, y'know…"
"Yeah," I muttered.
"When I can trust myself to," Amy tightened her grip, leaning against me slightly. "I will."
"Thank you," I whispered.
After a moment she let go and took a step back, moving around to the chair dad had left vacant and settled into it uncomfortably. The silence stretched between us, uncharacteristically awkward and tense.
"Thanks for coming to heal her," I broke the silence, still staring at my feet.
"I was already here, and I fixed up everyone else caught in the attack anyway, so…" Amy trailed off, shifting her robe and bunching it in her hands. "I was expecting you to be a little bitch about it. Beg me to fix her or some shit."
I looked up, dragging my gaze painfully across mum's sleeping form, meeting her eyes. She was a little blurry before I wiped away the tears, but I looked into her tired brown eyes and saw reflected even more of my stupidity.
"I'm genuinely sorry about everything I asked you to do for me. I realise now that I trapped you, and I shouldn't have, I was never a very good friend."
Amy held my gaze, eyes dull, and didn't say anything. After a full minute, she stomped on my foot viciously.
"You self pitying piece of shit. Get up," she stood, hands-on-hips. "We're going to the roof."
I nodded, glancing back over at mum before rubbing my eyes and standing, following her wordlessly out of the room. We passed uninterrupted through busy hospital corridors. I wasn't in my uniform and I wasn't in one of my oversized hoodies, but I didn't care if anyone realised who I was. Things like that just kinda didn't seem important at the moment. It was one of those moments where all previous thoughts of how well you'd handle bad things happening vanished under the crushing weight of reality. Maybe I really was being a self-pitying faggot.
At the top of the flight of stairs, Amy inserted her key into the roof access door, unlocked it, and stepped out into the light. I shuffled through, blinking against the brightness as Amy stretched and pulled her robe off, tucking it over one arm. She led the way to our usual spot, a small square block that held pipes or something, and slumped down against it while fishing in a pocket.
"I don't have any of my new stuff on me 'cause taking it too many days in a row fucks you up, but I have this," she produced a joint of nootropic turbo weed, rolling it between her fingers aggressively. "And you're not going to be a pussy and you're going to smoke it."
I choked out a single strangled chuckle, easing myself into a crouch beside her. She held out the joint and I lit it with a spark from my fingers. She took a puff first and handed it to me. Maybe I should have been nervous in that I was going to do drugs for the first time but the numbness prevailed. I raised it to my lips and drew in a long breath. It actually tasted kinda nice and didn't stink like burning socks and plastic like regular cigarettes.
I handed it back and drew my knees up, resting my head on them, blowing the smoke between my calves. I didn't know what I was going to do. The Protectorate had given me leave, but they also wanted me to keep doing interviews and promotional gigs, but I couldn't do that and help hunt down everyone in the ABB responsible for hurting my mum, could I?
I took another long drag. When was this supposed to kick in any way oh there we go-
I raised my head high and blew the plume of smoke out to the sky, straightening my legs out to rest them flat against the roof. This was pretty neat, the horrible numbness was being smothered by a peaceful zen. I smiled, still a little sadly. I could see why Amy was hooked on this stuff.
"Thanks, dude," I said.
"Anytime," she replied, eyes shut as the sun bore gently down on her face.
"You've still been a better friend than me, and I really mean that."
"I know," Amy stubbed the butt out on the concrete, grinding it slowly until the paper was too frayed and small to grip. "You really did used to be a cunt, but you did help me too. It did mean something that you accepted me for who I was, even if you were after my powers."
"I never meant it to be like that, I was just honestly dog shit at making friends. A lot of it was selfish, though. It's complicated, I guess, life is hard, huh?"
Amy scoffed.
"I really, genuinely wanted to be your friend, I just didn't know how. I'm sorry I used my powers against you to make it happen, I look back at that night and cringe. I knew how much it hurt you to be in love with your sister, but I also didn't. It's hard to explain-"
"Eat shit and die," she whipped her arm sideways and punched me in the chest softly. "I've seen your brain enough times to get you. Hating you for it would be like hating a puppy for taking a shit on the rug. Ah," she sighed, hand dropping to her lap. "It still hurts that I love her and she doesn't love me back, but I'm going to move away from home soon. Out of the Bay, maybe Boston if you're still there. I'm old enough to get around those fucking NEPEA laws, so I can get a job with my power and finally do some real fucking good."
She levied a tired look at me. "If there's one other thing I could thank you for it's keeping me from burning out completely."
"You were pretty fucked," I said. "I don't think you would have ever hurt anyone though."
"My thing says that too?"
I nodded slightly. "I'm sorry I didn't do more."
Amy grunted, acknowledging that I was a self absorbed cunt.
Something dripped down my cheek. I sniffled, and the dam burst. A flood of all the tears I couldn't cry before ran down my face like rain.
"I hate them so much," I sobbed. "I fucking hate them."
"Who?"
"The gangs. And the worst part is I know how they do this, it's like me and you. I hurt you because I didn't want to know any better, that's what these guys do too, just worse. Assert dominance on people because they can. Did you know the Nazi guys at Winslow kept trying to get me to join? I bet they knew I was the kind of pushover faggot who'd cave eventually."
"I think gang psychology is a bit more complex than that, Greg."
"Whatever," I wiped my face, doing nothing to stem the tide. "The point is, I was like that."
"You were way too much of a goody-two-shoes bitch," Amy said.
"The gangs are my dark mirror."
She looked at me, nonplussed. "You're projecting because you want to feel bad about yourself. Chill out, take some breaths. Let the joint do its job."
I nodded, forcing myself to breathe deeply, letting the calming effect cover my emotions like a band-aid. The tears slowed, and then stopped, my heart rate steadying. I sniffled again, wiping my snot on my arm, then wiping my arm on my jeans.
"I got a quest to fix mum, but I don't have anything that will let me," I said after a bit more silence. "And if I do when I think I do it could take me months, or more, to get the right spell."
Amy reached up and rubbed her eyes, which had started to come over bloodshot. "You'd better get started then."
"Yeah," I sighed. "What job were you thinking of doing when you leave?"
"Don't know, I could do anything and be filthy fucking rich. Sell my smart pills to researchers? Make a cure for diseases? Cancer? Could be anything, and if I wanted to make even easier millions I could sell cosmetic surgery. I'm not going to though, I don't have my power so rich old fucks can die looking young."
"At least we both have promising careers," I snorted. "You can be a multi-billionaire who saved as many billion lives, and I'll be Triumvirate. It's such a shame we can't trade powers, we'd probably both be much happier if we could."
"Yeah, but we both know I'd visit one day and your sex slave cat-girl would answer the door."
"I really don't think I could resist, I'd have a harem," I said in a way that implied I was totally joking and would absolutely not immediately descend into living out the fantasies drawn by my favourite doujin artists with a cadre of ten out of ten waifus. "What would you be if you had mine?"
My cat-girl waifu would of course answer the door with, 'Welcome back, Nya-ster!', and then bat her paws coquettishly.
"Flying blaster, I guess," she shrugged, looking thoughtfully up at the sky. "And go cape with Vicky. I've always wanted to fly."
"It's harder than it looks."
Amy shrugged again. "I'd get there eventually, right?"
"Eventually. But flying blaster? Not very original, you could be anything."
"Flying master, then. Have magic animals do my fighting."
"I don't even know where I'd get that power," I brought up my menus, flicking through my perk trees. "I'd say somewhere up in INT, but maybe WIS would have an Empower Other thing in there? I'm really not sure about summoning or taming, never thought about it much before."
"Hmm, I'd still run into the problem of not wanting a pet. Maybe if I could put it away or something."
I shrugged, "I'm sure it could be done."
"Yeah," Amy shifted against the short concrete cover. "Hey, Greg, are you staying in Boston for good?"
"I doubt it," I shifted to face her properly. "I still have almost three years in the Wards, and surely in those three years, it'll be safe for me to come home. After that? I guess whichever Protectorate department can shell out the most money because I am going to take them for a mother fucking ride when they try for a full contract. You said you're going to move soon-"
The realisation hit me that I was likely her only real friend, and more importantly, she probably didn't want us to become estranged.
"-but there's no reason we can't end up in the same city. We'll both have our pick, everyone will be bending over to give us the deal we want. Where do you want to live?"
Amy cracked one of her rare genuine smiles. "Anywhere but here. Somewhere with nice suburbs maybe, I've always liked the idea of a house with a big yard."
"I'm sure that when I'm the youngest Protectorate leader ever I can schedule a weekly patrol and come visit," I smiled back. "Oh, actually, depending on how things go I might end up in New York. One of the Wards there likes me, and she's almost as hot as Victoria."
"You haven't changed," Amy said patronisingly. "Does she like you, or was she just nice to you once?"
"I'll have you know a lesbian told me she said she thought I was cute."
"Well, that's irrefutable if a lesbian said it."
"Yes," I said. "It is. Thank you."
"Oh," said Amy, then laughed. "Touche. Well, good for you, I guess. It had to happen sometime, who is she?"
"Her hero name is Jetstar, she's a Tinker."
Amy made a face and shrugged to indicate she'd never heard of her.
"Anyway, I think I need a girls perspective on this, what do I say to her?"
She clicked her tongue and screwed up her face. "Anything. Just don't be weird. Maybe something like, 'hey, what are your thoughts on such and such,' and then reference something she's mentioned before. You have talked to her in person right? Yes? Good, just do that. It doesn't actually matter what you say so long as you aren't weird."
I stroked my chin. Armsmaster was going to make me some armour soon, so why not ask her about that as a Tinker?
"Thanks, Amy," I ruffled her hair and received a disgruntled elbow.
We chatted for a while about inconsequential topics, enjoying the sun and the buzz, until I had to go check in with the bosses about what I was to do while back in Brockton.