Chapter Text
“Fred?” Hermione hollered from their bedroom.
“Yeah?” He hollered back from the living room.
“Have you seen- I can't find my-” she trailed off, digging through her bedside drawer for the third time. Finally she saw it. At the very back was a gift card that had gotten stuck in the joint between the drawer bottom and it's back panel. She picked it out and turned to leave the bedroom. Looking down at the dust-covered card, she yelled, “Nevermi-"
“WOAH, love, I'm right here.” Fred chuckled, leaning against the door frame.
“Oh, sorry. I didn't hear you.” Hermione grumbled. She brushed past him, stuck in thought. She totally missed his attempt at catching her eye.
“Ouch. Alright then.”
“What? What happened?” Hermione looked at Fred, confused.
He followed her into the living room. “Nothing, I just wanted to sneak a kiss, but you slid past on your ice skates, so I guess you're not interested right now.”
“What? I-huh? I'm sorry. I just-”
“Don't love me anymore?” He sunk onto the couch.
“Fred,” Hermione's face softened.
“Want to call off the wedding?”
“Fred.”
“It's Charlie, isn't it?” Fred shook his head, and wiped away a non-existent tear.
Hermione lowered herself into the couch next to him. “No, actually it's Ginny. She and I have had a secret relationship ever since we met. James is actually my child. Don't tell Harry.”
“The scandal!” Fred mimed fainting and fell into Hermione's side.
“I know, I know, I'm ashamed. But our love was just too strong.”
“I love this side of you.” He squeezed her knee.
“No, you love the side of me that is evidence of you rubbing off on me.”
“I don't deny it.” He reached around and pulled her into a hug, which she accepted after a heavy sigh. “Now, tell me what's got your knickers wound so tight.”
“I'm not wearing any knickers.”
He pulled back from the embrace and pointed at her. “That's just unfair. Do you have any intent of following up on that?”
“Hmm, possibly.”
“Oho. Ok. I see. Two can play at that.”
“I know.” She raised an eyebrow. “Welcome to the game.”
Fred ripped off his t-shirt and gestured to his stomach. “Well, I know you like the abs.”
“Yes, however, I hate it when you call them ‘the abs’.”
“Fine. Fine.” He ran out of the room. Hermione heard water running. Fred returned, running his hands through his now-damp hair. “Rugged, unkempt hair. You can't deal with this level of sexy mischief.”
Hermione walked out and returned a moment later. “Close your eyes.”
“Yes. Of course. Excellent.” He closed his eyes. “Best game ever.”
Hermione stretched up on tiptoe and wielded the comb she had grabbed from the bathroom. With a few quick swipes, she flattened his ginger locks into a slicked down middle part. With bangs.
She smirked. “Sexy mischief, managed.”
“Ok. Not cool. You NEVER touch a black woman's hair.” He mussed up his hair again.
“Oh my god, you can't be serious.”
“Of course I'm not serious. I'm Fred. You'd never marry a bloke named ‘serious’.”
They idled, grinning at each other stupidly.
“It's your move, 'Mione.”
“See, I don't think it is. I think you're still stuck on my “knickers" comment. In fact, I don't think you can unhitch your brain from that idea.”
“It's that so?”
“Yes. Quite so. I have evidence.” Her eyes flitted to the area below his waistband and back up to meet his gaze.
He looked down. “Damn!” He pointed at his crotch. “You're supposed to be on my side!” He struck a strange posture, jutting out a hip and bending forward at the waist. He crossed his arms defiantly. “Still your move!”
Hermione gave him a wry smile. She turned and walked away, flipping her bushy hair over one shoulder. She paused at the bedroom door, eyeing him intently. She chuckled because he was still hunched over. She entered the bedroom, smiling to herself. How long would he stand there, looking ridiculous?
“Um, ‘Mione?”
Her only response was to throw her pyjama bottoms into the living room.
In an instant, she saw a blur of freckles leap onto their bed. He wriggled out of his pants and lay face up, all appendages stretched out.
“I am your starfish! Join me under the ocean of our love!”
“No thanks, I’m not much of a swimmer.” Hermione crossed her arms and giggled. She was still wearing pyjama bottoms.
“Hey! You tricked me!”
“It’s not my fault you’re not observant. I wore those yesterday.”
“Devilish. Absolutely devilish.” Fred gave a mighty ‘Harumph’ and rolled onto his side, away from Hermione. She leaned onto the bed and pinched his bare cheek, just above his hamstrings. “Oy!” He shrieked. He cleared his throat and drastically lowered his voice. “I mean, Oy.” He pulled up the covers and wound himself tightly in them.
“Are you giving up, then?”
He looked over his shoulder with a wicked grin. “Never.”
Next moment, Hermione was engulfed in a mess of the covers and Fred’s arms.
-----
After a shower, the pair nestled back into bed. Fred was tying “knots” into Hermione’s hair and then combing his fingers through her wet curls.
He paused and looked at her. “Oh hey! I think I figured out where Crookshanks has been hiding.”
“Yeah?”
He began playing with her hair again. “I saw him slink out from behind my desk yesterday morning before I left for work. I checked behind it, and it has an empty space beneath the drawer, but the front is covered up. He must be pretty crammed in there, but it’s the only place I can figure he’d be hiding that we hadn’t already checked.”
“He’s probably just being standoff-ish since he’s not the man of the house anymore.”
“Hmm. Yeah.” Fred stopped twiddling.
“Hey,” Hermione curled over and kissed Fred on the cheek. “I’m really glad you moved in. I love you, I love having you here every morning and every night. Crooks can learn to live with it.”
“I love you too. And I love the donut shop down the street. I told you on our first date-”
They looked at each other knowingly, then leapt out of the bed and over to the closet. They threw on clothes and shoes, grabbed their essentials, ran out the door, down the hall and out onto the sidewalk.
“Race you!” Hermione called out.
“You’re on!” Fred took off towards Go Nuts Donuts.
Hermione watched him get just far enough away, pulled his keys out of her purse, and eased onto his motorcycle. Fred and Ginny had insisted on lessons. After many eye rolls and semi-arguments, Hermione had learned how to drive one. She didn’t have their dare-devil nature, but she was confident. She started the engine and looked up to see if Fred had noticed. He hadn’t, he was running full speed ahead. She pulled out of the parking space and into traffic. As she passed Fred, she made sure to speed by, revving the engine.
A minute later she pulled up in front of Go Nuts, killed the engine, and waited. Smugly.
Five minutes passed before an out-of breath Fred jogged up to her.
“That.” He heaved a few breaths. “Was the sexiest-” Breath. “And cruelest-” More breaths. “Augh! I need water!”
“C’mon, lover boy.” Hermione started toward the entrance.
“Hang on, let me catch my-”
“Dignity?”
“..Yes.”
Hermione ran her fingers through her still damp hair, and tied it back in a plait. She gave him an inquisitive eyebrow. He nodded, still taking deep gulps of air. She unsaddled the motorcycle and they walked in the shop. The smell of warm sweet bread and roasty toasty coffee filled the air. They got their order and sat at a table near the window.
“Alright, love, do you want to tell me what your mood was about earlier today?”
“Oh, that. It’s a bit embarrassing really. I’m sorry you caught the brunt of it. That card I was looking for, it’s a gift card. I’m planning on using it to buy a baby shower gift for a friend at work. It’s for a store I don’t really shop at anyway, so I’ll use it for the gift and be done with it.”
“Another prego? Who is it this time?”
“It’s Cho. I really like her, don’t get me wrong. There’s just so much pressure to buy a gift the mom will actually like, and everyone is different. This bottle only, those diapers, organic this, vegan that. I’m just over the whole ‘having babies’ thing. I’d like kids someday , I’m just not at that point yet. I want my career. I’ve worked hard, and I like the work I do. ”
“Oh good.” Fred smiled and relief washed over his face. “I’m actually happy to hear you say that. I like the work you do too. You're amazing at it. Your clients love you. I was worried that all these kids cropping up around us were an impending force of nature on you. I want kids too, eventually. Just not in the near future.”
“Yes, thank you. I’m glad you feel that way too. As much as I love James and Alice, I miss my friends. I miss having friends that don’t have children. They’re never available, or they’re too tired to go out for drinks. I know it’s something I’ll understand when I get there. But right now I just think… I think they’re kind of… boring. Is that terrible?”
“No! Believe me, when Bill got married and had kids, none of us understood it. We all thought he’d been brainwashed by Fleur. He just mellowed out so much. He was this cool ladies man, and then suddenly he was a homebody. But he and I had a good talk one Christmas. He said that he still enjoys the things he used to. But he also has a newfound joy. He loves his family, and boring as it seems, he prefers to be with them. He said that to him and Fleur, their kids are the coolest little creatures, exploring the world, discovering and enjoying the things he and Fleur love to do. I think they are monkeys with a propensity for messes, but to each his own.”
They ate in silence for a moment. After a pause Hermione spoke up.
“Do you mind if we go from here to get the shower gift?”
“Not at all. Let’s get that out of the way. I may be off base, but I think it might be bothering you. No?”
“Shut up and eat your donut.” She grinned.
-----
Sunlight danced between flowing white fabric. Pale green ribbons were entwined with pink and yellow flowers. A wooden arch stood against the backdrop of the Weasley’s farm. Underneath the arch stood Hermione, in a simple white dress. It hugged her curves, it’s straps criss-crossed in back, and it floated just above her knees. Her hair was in it’s natural curly state, with flowers pinned in above her ears. Fred stood holding her hands, wearing a button down shirt with the sleeves rolled, slacks and suspenders. To Hermione’s right stood Ginny and Luna in dresses that mirrored hers but in pale green. To Fred’s left stood George and Lee, also in button downs, slacks, and suspeners. Charlie stood between them all, having been ordained online.
“Fred, do you take Hermione, to hold and cherish, to honor and love, to stop, collaborate, and listen, for better or worse, so long as you both shall live?”
“I do.” Fred beamed at Hermione and squeezed her hands.
“Hermione, do you take Fred? Please, take him off our hands. Really, you’re doing us all a favor…”
The Weasley’s erupted into cheers, hoots, and whistles. Fred glared at them disapprovingly.
“I do!” Hermione yelled over the crowd. She smiled at Fred and squeezed his hands in return.
“Then by the power invested in me by some people, you may kiss the bride!”
Fred dipped Hermione and kissed her for all he was worth. Music played and the crowd cheered.
After a lot of dancing, too many toasts, and far too little to eat, Harry snuck the newlyweds into his car instead of the heavily “decorated” get-away car. George, Lee, Ron, Ginny, and Charlie had displayed their talents for drawing male genitalia around the words “Just married.”
“C’mon you two, I’ve got your luggage, let’s get you to the airport.” Harry whispered.
“Good ol’ Harry, so sneaky.” Fred chimed.
“Thank you, Harry! I wasn’t looking forward to what we would find inside the car.” Hermione sighed.
“Condoms. Loads and loads of condoms.” Harry muttered.
Fred laughed. “Hey, do me a favor, scrape them all together and we’ll use them on George and Angelina’s get-away car next month.”
“I’m not going near them. But I’ll pass the message along to Gin.”
-----
As Hermione and Fred ducked sheepishly out of the airplane bathroom, the air hostess winked at them. They settled back into their seats, stowing their backpack as they did.
Hermione leaned to whisper in Fred’s ear. “What I meant was, would you like to change clothes, separately. ”
“Now why would I go and do a thing like that?” He grinned.
“Because then I wouldn’t have had to stand on the toilet to make room for you!”
“Yes but since you were standing on the toilet I was able to-”
“SHH!”