Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

There was a certain buzz going around Dustbowl, just a week ago Mann Co. had hired a new merc.

Well, more like a much-needed assistant for Miss Pauling.

It was a hectic first week, which you spent having to adjust to an insane amount of bloodshed, insanity, doppelgangers, and medical malpractice. To say it was exhausting was an understatement. How Pauling managed to cope with all of this was beyond you, maybe she was just as crazy as the mercenaries.

Luckily you had somehow found a way to befriend this group of psychos. They were terrifying on the outside, but once you got past their intimidating outer layers the mercs weren't.. terrible. Though you had nearly fainted while meeting Soldier, who had decided  the best way to introduce himself was with an attempted surprise neck snap. Huttah.

All of the mercs had their oddities besides the war crazed American.

There was Scout, a chaotic young man with wayy too much energy. The Heavy, an absolute giant of a man yet a gentle one outside of battle. Pyro, a facelss arsonist with cute, almost childlike tendencies. Of course we can't forget Demoman: an alcoholic ray of sunshine, but also an expert bombs maker. Sniper mostly kept to himself  during introductions, but is probably one of the more sane mercs (Besides his piss-throwing tendencies). Spy was a literal backstabber, a dangerously charming one at that. Engineer is a kindly southerner and an absolute master of machinery. And finally, there's the Medic who is by far the most deranged. At least he's passionate about his job.

Maybe a little too passionate.

Then there's you, or rather who the mercs call "The New Guy". Your job was to help out around the RED base and with Miss Pauling's workload. Shouldn't be too bad right?

Right?

Oh well! You got used to guts and gore pretty fast. You had to, considering the workforce you joined.

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You were sitting in the common room looking over your to-do list, not noticing as Demoman stumbled over to you with a bottle of scrumpy in hand.

"Lad!" He called out, his slurred speech breaking your train of thought.

"Demo! Hi, didn't see you there. Sorry." You fumbled apologetically and quickly stood up "I'm guessing you're back from the last round?"

It was more than a guess, the man was covered in crusty crimson spots and smelled like gunpowder. Lots of gunpowder.

"Aye! You shoulda seen it! It was bloody glorious it was!" He beamed, a grin spreading from ear to ear.

"Ah, I bet it was!" Bloody seems like an understatement here.

As you and Demo make small talk about the battle the rest of the mercs shamble in, exhausted from the the fight. Except for Scout and Soldier who were very passionately arguing about who got more kills, who looked cooler on the field, and more along those lines.

"Your friggin kidding right? I totally bashed that dude's head in! No way that wasn't cool." you could hear Scout yell excitedly, flexing his muscles which in comparison to the other mercs wasn't much.

"YOU WOULD NOT KNOW COOL EVEN IF IT SNAPPED YOUR TINY NECK MAGGOT!"

Soldier seemed to be calmer today. That's nice.

You could see Spy glaring hellishly at the loud pair. If looks could kill, the whole base would probably be dead right now. The man had eyes sharper than the knives he backstabbed with.

Your watched as everyone went their own way, observing as they turned into the hall, towards their dormitories. Demoman followed right along with them, he seemed to have forgotten that you had been having a conversation. You could hear Scout and Soliders yells echoing down the hallways as you settled back onto the common room's old and beaten couch. Would it really be so difficult to get the base some new furniture?

You had almost completed everything on your list, all that was left was setting up the dining room and checking on the mercs weaponry. All the guns, knives, bats, or just about anything metal that needed repair would be brought to Engineer. You could say they were as good as new after he fixed them up, but often times they came back even better. He was an expert at his craft and it was more than impressive.

Taking a quick glance around the room to make sure there's no one else in there, you sigh deeply after confirming it's empty before leaning your head back. It's only been a week but the burnout is already kicking in. You've had to go running all over the place as Miss Pauling's secretary. She had to do double your workload for years, and a part of you silently prayed that you'll never have to fill in her shoes to such an extent. While you were taking the moment to unwind you saw the couch cushion next to you start to dip like there was weight on it. There was nothing there though?

Spy. What did he want?

You quickly sit up and watch the man decloak next to you, his legs crossed, smoke swirling around him lazily as his figure comes into view.

"At ease, mon cher." His smooth accent was nearly intoxicating. It was difficult to keep your guard up around him. You knew though that out of all of the mercs he's the one you'd never want to know your deepest secrets. Chances are though, he already knows them.

"Spy. Good to see you." You responded curtly.

"Same to you, Ami. I found something that may be of interest to you."

"Oh?" your curiosity getting the better of you "What'd you find?"

He didn't answer, simply took a drag from his cigarette before clasping your right hand with his. You could feel something smooth drop into your palm and he pulled away revealing a small, heart-shaped silver locket.

"I know you like your little trinkets. Consider it a thank you." He patted your shoulder lightly as he stood up from the couch, and once again disappeared.

A thank you? Wait what?

Your palm hits your face, remembering what had happened during your second day on base. You had stumbled into the battle by accident while on a mission for Pauling. During your attempt to get out of there, you found Spy having 1v1 with the enemy team's Sniper in the intel room. It was the only time you saw him backed into a corner like that. If you hadn't stepped in and shot the enemy with the pistol Spy had lost earlier, your team would've lost the round that day.

Guess the occasional good deed pays off.

Curious about the locket Spy had given you, you find the latch and pry it open without too much difficulty. It's empty. There wasn't a single speck of dirt on it. Where did Spy find this? Despite its simplicity, it was beautiful and so smooth. The way it was heart-shaped made you smile a bit, thinking of the kind of lockets your grandma used to keep. She would've loved this. "What if Spy bought this?" You wonder, but quickly shake your head, that's a ridiculous idea. Thinking about it did make you blush a bit though. Highly unprofessional honestly.

You sighed again and pulled yourself off of the couch. It was about time to start setting up the table for dinner time. If you remember correctly it's Engie's turn to cook. Hopefully, he's a better chef than Scout who nearly burnt the base down trying to make hot dogs.

Chapter Text

The kitchen was in rough condition, but still usable. The dining room was right next to it and only in slightly better condition. The only thing that separated the two rooms was a nearly destroyed counter that looked like it was holding on for dear life. The base was in desperate need of refurbishment but the mercs didn’t seem to care so much.

You rolled your sleeves up as you walked into the dining room. Luckily, it was quiet as you set down mismatched chairs around a rich-looking wood table. Most of the chairs had been duck taped or glued back together. Food fights were not uncommon here, or rather, fighting over food was a weekly ritual. The only thing that still looked decent was the table. Though there were.. scratch marks? On a few areas of the surface. You chose to not question it, most things weren't explainable here.

You hummed an old country song under your breath as you grabbed ten plates out of a nearby cupboard, its door hanging on by a creaky hinge. It slammed shut when you closed it, only for the door to crack open again. You quietly hummed your way back into the dining room you could swear you heard another voice humming the same tune nearby. 

"Hello??" You whisper, timidly examining the room.

"Howdy." A warm Texan accent greeted you back.

You turn towards the voice, immediately recognizing the owner of it as a smile spreads onto your face.

"Engie! Hey! When'd you get here?"

"Couple minutes ago, figured I'd start cookin' up supper. Surprised you didn't see me sooner darl'." He chuckled lightly, grabbing a large pan and some ingredients from inside the kitchen.

"Oh.. uh yeah. Sorry about that." looking down with embarrassment as you admitted to being really out of it today.

"Don't you worry about it. I reckon some eggs and bacon will fix you right up."

Engie seemed to be a genuine person. No judgment, no condescension, just a good ol' country boy, and by god did you appreciate that in this mad house.

"Eggs and bacon? Are we having breakfast for dinner or something?"

"Yessire, You're a sharp one ain't ya?" He teased. 

You laughed and blushed a bit sheepishly. While he worked in the kitchen the dining room started to fill with the heavenly smell of bacon.

"Plannin' on makin' some toast too." He added as you heard eggs crack and land into the pan. 

"I can help! If you want of course." Your voice rang out nervously as you cursed yourself mentally for lacking confidence. He waved for you to join him in the kitchen, which you did without hesitation. You quickly located the bread and butter, setting them down on a counter near Engie and began the task of buttering each fluffy slice of bread.

"Much obliged pardner." He said with a smile.

You smiled back at him and the two of you quietly worked together. The sizzling of bacon filled the silence and the atmosphere of the kitchen was comfortable.

You loaded each slice of bread into a large toaster (one of Engies inventions, fit to toast up to twenty things at once. The man truly was a genius.) pushing down a lever to start the timer. You lifted yourself up to sit on one of the counters and watched as the Texan expertly went about cooking.

It was a very quiet sound at first, but you soon noticed that the engineer had picked up the same tune from earlier. You simply listened to the pleasant melody as first, till realizing the man had been taking small peeks at you, as though hoping for you to hum along as well. You decided to play along and joined in a bit awkwardly. Soon the two of you were humming along harmonously, the sizzling sound of bacon replacing that of an instrument.

This went on for a good three minutes, just humming and cooking. That is until Scout came rushing in and disrupted the peace.

"Engie! My man!" He exclaimed  "Do ya uh, have anything that could hide a guy for a sec? Kinda borrowed somethin' from Snipes and he ain't too happy about it."

Engineer simply shook his head, trying to not laugh at Scout getting himself into trouble again.

"Not at the moment son. Betcha that pantry'll be a good hidin' spot though." Gesturing towards an old red door as he flipped the bacon over in its skillet.

"Thanks pally!" Scout said as he quickly ran into the pantry, its door silently clicked shut as he hid.

Like clockwork Sniper stormed into the kitchen. Guessing by the absence of his signature yellow glasses, that's what Scout had "borrowed" from him.

"Have any of you lot seen that gabby lil wanka 'round 'ere?" He asked gruffly.

He's pissed, to say the least.

"Scout? Yeah, he just passed through here." You weren't sure why, but it felt like you shouldn't tell him where the young thief was hiding. "Why?"

"Little bugger stole my glasses. Need 'em back."

Sniper looked at Engie, who in return simply tipped his hat towards the pantry door. It was incredibly subtle, but Snipes got the message right away.

"Well, reckon I'll take a peek in this 'ere pantry eh?" He laughed roughly as he opened the door, Scout practically scuttling out of the space like a bug that had its rock lifted up as his face was painted with panic.

You could hear him breathlessly repeating "Oh crap oh crap oh crap" as he tried to get past the towering Aussie, but to no avail. He was trapped. Sniper picked up the "little bugger" with ease despite all of Scout's loud protests.

"Shuddup mate, dug this grave yourself." Sniper grumbled as he carried the Boston boy over his shoulder. Scout hit you with one of the most pathetically pleading faces you had ever seen in your life, but there was no saving him now. All you could do was give him a meek thumbs up.

The two of them disappeared leaving you and Engie in silence again. Which was quickly broken yet again as the other mercs began filing into the dining room.

"Heh. Looks like these boys are hungry huh? Lucky us, dinners just about ready." Engie remarked as he sprinkled some cheese onto the now-cooked and scrambled eggs.

It all smelt amazing. Who knew that something as simple as bacon, eggs, and toast would make you feel ravenously hungry. Or maybe it was just the fact you haven't eaten for nearly eight hours. Ah well, that's not important now as Engie begins loading up everyone's plates with warm food. 

Minus Scout and Sniper, of course. They probably won't be back for an hour or so.

Chapter Text

You sat down at the table across from Medic and Heavy who were laughing as they reminisced about past missions and operations. It was nice to see them talking like this, almost like an old married couple. Of course, if you mentioned that they would both deny it. It'd take a blind man to not see that there wasn't something more than friendship between them. In your week of being here, you figured there was just this unspoken rule about not bringing up whatever was going on between the two men. What happens in the base stays in the base.

It didn't help that Heavy's room shared a wall with yours though, or that you could hear their so-called "Late-night check-ups."

On a different note, you could see Pryo juggling three of what were probably cans full of gasoline while they happily muffled a song through their mask. At least, you think it was a song. Hopefully they were happy? Pyro was a mystery you accepted that you couldn't solve.

Speaking of mysteries, Spy was standing off in his own little corner puffing a cigarette per usual. The smell of tobacco and expensive cologne hung onto him at all times like some kind of blanket. The man smokes so much there's no doubt he has some form of lung cancer, yet it seems to simply be a part of who he is. The smoking mind you, not the lung cancer. You're fairly certain that if any of the mercs got cancer Medic could fix it within an hour. Oddly enough you found the way the smoke trailed around Spy attractive. You shake your head in disgust as the thought of wanting to be that man's cigarette crosses your mind.

You try to focus on someone, anything else and your eyes land on Soldier and Demo having a drinking competition. Demo is obviously winning, chugging scrumpy after scrumpy as Soldier sluggishly attempts to keep up. You hope that Soldier takes his alcohol well. You don't feel like cleaning up any more human waste today, especially another mercs vomit. Just thinking about having to take care of that ties knots in your stomach. Despite the knots though, you could hear your stomach grumble. Apparently, Engie could too as he placed a plate of steaming hot dinner down in front of you.

"You must be starvin huh mister!" He remarked jokingly "Go on then, eat up!" He laughed as he walked back into the kitchen only to return with two more plates for the happily chattering mercs across from you.

You make sure to thank him as he walks by, to which he simply nods with a big grin and gets back to serving dinner. You happily dig into your meal, devouring it in what feels like mere seconds. It was probably one of the best meals you'd ever had honestly. The eggs were perfectly fluffy with just the right amount of cheese, the toast was equally crispy and buttery, and the bacon was amazing beyond words. 

At this point, you were convinced that Engie should just do the cooking every night. He was obviously the best cook here. Well, definitely better than Scout's cooking. The bar wasn't too high on that one though.

You scooted over in your chair a bit as Engineer took a seat next to you with his own plate of food. He noticed your plate had been completely cleaned the second he sat down and his hearty laugh filled the already noisy room.

"Well, I'll be! Did you even taste it?" He joked happily before taking a few bites.

"I couldn't help myself! It looked so good, tasted even better though which is saying a lot."

"Shucks partner, it ain't all that. Just a good ol' Texan breakfast."

"If all breakfasts are like this in Texas I'm moving there as soon as possible."

He laughs again, your compliments flattering him deeply as you see a red blush creep onto his cheeks. Seeing him like this makes you want to compliment him more often.

The mercs gathered around the table are just joking around and having a good time, enjoying each other's company. You know these men are bloodthirsty killers yet seeing them all happy in this room together almost feels like.. some sort of family. A fucked up family, but a cool one, and one you're glad to be a part of now. 

Maybe the burnout is worth it if you get to hang out with these guys a little longer.

You saw Scout and Sniper walk into the dining room. Scout looked thoroughly deshelved, his hair messy, clothes wrinkled and dirty. Sniper on the other hand looked pleased, a wicked grin spread on his face.

"Hey you two!" You waved slightly, the other mercs too caught up in their merryments to notice the two younger men walk in.

Scout looks at you with eyes that look like he just walked through the depths of hell and back, and Sniper tips his hat to you. "Evenin' mate. Good t' see ya again." He said simply as he sat down, then commanded Scout to sit in the chair next to him. Scout barely managed to stay awake as he shoveled food into his mouth robotically.

"So uh.. what happened to him?" You ask Sniper, casually pointing to Scout.

"Ah just had him clean out the ol' van, huh mate?" He replies, wrapping a tanned arm around the shaking boy from Boston.

Scout finally manages to get some words out between bites, his voice small and almost defeated.

"There were.. so many piss jars. The guys a freak! the whole friggin van smelled like piss you gotta believe me! He's insane! Hell, undah his bed Snipes even got a whole collection wortha pics of y-"

Scout's tormented speech was interrupted by Sniper shoving a piece of toast into his mouth. You could hear the Aussie tell him to shut up in a whisper-like hiss. While you wanted to know what Scout was going to say, you decided to ask later, when Sniper wasn't around to kill either of you.

Enginneer simply laughed and shook his head.

"That'll teach ya to not go 'round stealin' a man's possessions now won't it boy?" He chided Scout, who nodded vigorously in reply, his mouth still full of toast.

You felt an unnerving sensation as you pulled your attention away from your group at the table, only to make eye contact with Spy. The Frenchman's eyes were so piercing it nearly hurt to look at him. He didn't say anything, but he made a gesture that seemed to say "Follow me", before standing up and declaring he'd be retiring for the night. Never once breaking contact with you though as everyone wished him a goodnight, except for Scout who was too terrified to mutter a single word right now.

Chapter Text

The mercs all finished up eating and eventually dispersed to do their own things. You helped Engie clean up everyone's plates, but he insisted on doing the dishes. Told you that he needed a moment of peace after all that. Which you were inclined to agree with. You thanked him for dinner again, then headed down the hall towards Spy's personal smoking room. You have to admit, the man has good taste in decoration after you step into the room carefully, taking in your surroundings.

"You're not particularly skilled at sneaking, mon ami." 

You hear the Frenchman's voice coming from nearby a luxurious-looking velvet armchair.

"Who said I was trying to be sneaky huh?"

You hear a gentle woosh and can feel Spy's breath on your ear as he lurks behind you.

"Body language is a simple one."

You jump a little as you realize just how close he is and take a few steps away nervously.

"Je ne fais que taquiner ma chère." He chuckles before waltzing over to a side table where his smoking pipe rests. 
He gestures for you to have a seat on the other armchair near his, carefully placed by a sophisticated-looking fireplace. 

"Have a seat. I don't bite." Spy comments, noticing you nervously fidgeting with your hands "Unless that's something you like of course." He teased with a seductive grin. That last bit, along with his accent being heavier from exhaustion caused you to blush a deep pink as you take a seat in the plush chair. It's much, much nicer than the common room's couch to say the least.

You cover your mouth as you clear your throat with an anxious "Ahem".

"So um.. What's up? Why did you want to talk to me?" You ask tentatively

"Straight to the point are we?" He purrs

"Well, I just uh- just figured it was something important. Right?"

"Oui. You know of the Bushman, yes?"

You shift a bit uncomfortably, why is he talking about the sniper?

"Ah well, yeah. I've met him. Seems pretty.. sane? What about him though?"

"He has some.. habits. I felt it'd be best to just show you." He explained as he walked over to a bookshelf. It was neatly jammed full of books, files, and all sorts of documents. He filed through them till he found the one he was looking for. He handed you a red, unmarked file.

You looked at him quizzically, but he nodded for you to go ahead and open it. Which you did. To your surprise they seemed to just be pictures of you, that surprise quickly faded to disgust after realizing how many of them were of you without clothes.

"Who th-" 

"The Sniper I'm afraid, has an obsession. These were just a few I managed to procure."

"Wh-Whar? What? I'm sorry, but Sniper? Really? Professional piss thrower? You gotta.. You're joking right?"

Spy doesn't answer, simply lighting his pipe and taking a drag from it.

"Oh god.. you're not joking."

"I'm afraid not. Not to worry, I sent our little fiend Pyro on a little quest. Those pictures shall never grace the light of day."

You feel sick. There's no way this is real. The knots you felt in your stomach earlier have returned full force, you can practically feel your face go cold as the blood runs out of it.

"I will give you time to process if need be, cher."

"No, no I can handle this I just- did you know?"

"Know what pray tell?"

"That I'm not.. not really a um.. man?"

Spy calmly took a drag from his cigarette.

"We all have our secrets. Yours is one that I wouldn't tell another. Man or not, you intrigue me nonetheless, Amour." He said gently, looking at you with a soft light in his eyes. You could tell he was being genuine.

"Thank you."

"Not a problem mon ami."

Chapter Text

About a week had passed since the Sniper incident.

You had confronted him about the pictures he had taken, and he admitted to it. He had wanted to get closer to you but had no idea had to go about it. His intentions weren't malicious, he swore that on his folk's moonshine, things just gotten out of hand as time went on. While it screamed red flag it wasn't the worst thing you had experienced on base. You were willing to give him a second chance so long as he promised to not tell the others about the fact you had boobs or that you lacked certain.. male parts.

It was relieving to get that sorted out, but that relief was short-lived. You had a whole other fish to fry now. While you were getting closer to all of the mercs (Sniper included) two of them had become particularly interested in you: Spy and Engineer.

If it were any other love triangle this wouldn't be a problem. You had read plenty of fan fiction, knowing you could always just choose a different path since the writers (if they were merciful) gave you a chance to read about either side of the story. This wasn't a fan-fic though and these men were professional killers. One wrong step, one glance at another man for too long and who knows what could happen. Surely they weren't that petty though. Right?

Both of them were attractive in their own ways, which made this situation even worse. The Engineer was calm and levelheaded, insanely intelligent, and he had his comforting southern charm to him that reminded you of home. Spy on the other hand was cunning and elegant, everything he did was calculated, and his romantic-sounding accent made you want to melt on the spot.

However, Spy knew about your little secret, Engie didn't. you wondered if he'd treat you the same if he did know. It worried you but you decided to shrug that thought off for now, focusing back on your task of cleaning the base's downstairs bathroom. In times like these, you felt more like a maid and less like a secretary. The pay was more than worth it though, no wonder the mercs stuck around for so long.

A small humming sound started up as Miss Pauling's voice rang through a small communication device.

"Secretary! Hey, I need you to do a little favor for me. Got a moment?" She asked as you stood up from scrubbing the toilet filled with some weird, neon-green substance you chose to not question.

"Uh, yeah. I think I can spare a moment. What's the favor?"

"The mercs made a really, really big mess on the battlefield today. Lots of bodies to clean up. The problem is that I have an insanely full plate today. Could you handle that cleanup for me?"

It really wasn't a question as you didn't have much of a choice. Saying no would probably get you fired.

"Oh. I can handle that. Leave it to me, boss." You did a little mock salute, though there was no one else in the room to see it.

"Great! I'll leave that to you then."

The humming stopped as the transmission ended. Oh goody, more human waste to clean. You sighed as you picked up your cleaning supplies and headed towards the base's mudroom, passing by a drunken Demoman who was singing "Billy Jean" under his breath as he stumbled down the hall. You wondered how he managed to get so much alcohol on base without the other mercs drinking all of it.

You take a turn at the end of the hall, leading you to the mudroom by one of the many exits to the base. With a sigh, you crouched down by a cabinet full of cleaning supplies. The fact you had to clean up a battlefield that was only going to get covered in guts again was annoying, to say the least.

There were all sorts of random things in the cabinet, cleaning supplies, empty bottles of Scrumpy, a few packs of matches, and something that resembled a kidney amongst other things. The mercs sort of just threw whatever junk they weren't using in there, so you had to push through the mess to grab what you needed.

Your knees cracked a bit when you stood up, a bucket full of plastic bags and other supplies in hand. You head towards the door, the sun beating down on you as you step foot outside. The Engineers workshop had its big garage door open. Peeking inside you could see Engie writing on a blueprint while seated at his worktable with an intent look on his face. 

You debated on going in to say hi but then he looked up, a smile lighting his face the second he saw you standing there.

"Well, howdy darlin'. What brings you round here?" 

God that voice. A sheepish grin spread on your face along with a slight blush.

"I'm on a.. mission I guess? Miss Paulings got me on battlefield cleaning duty."

"Reckon that'll be fun." He smirked, looking back at his blueprints. "Be careful now, them blu bastards been runnin' around after battle hours. Best have a weapon on you."

"Blu team could be on the field now?" You thought "Weren't there rules against that to prevent any extra casualties??"

Engie glanced at you, noticing how you fidgeted with the hem of your shirt.

"You do have a weapon, right?"

You hadn't thought that you would need one, you shook your head, the Texan chuckling lightly. 

"Well, suppose I'll have to let you borrow one."

He stood up, shuffling over towards a tall, metal shelf covered in tools, wires, gears, and other shiny things. The gun he planned on giving you was up on the top shelf, just out of arms reach for him. You watched him do a short jump, his fingers just barely grazing the gun.

"Dagnabbit." He muttered. A hint of embarrassment in his voice as he grabbed a stool.

You watched all of this with an enamored smile. He was the shortest merc on the team, yet it just made him adorable. Adorable and deadly. Like a small bear with guns, lots of guns. Engie jumped down from the stool, kicking a bit of dust up as he walked back over to you with a pistol in hand, a flushed look on his face when he handed it to you.

"That there should do the trick, y'know how to use a gun right?"

You looked at the pistol, it shouldn't be too hard to use. You'd seen plenty of movies, just pull the weird thing back to reload and then squeeze the trigger, super easy.

"Oh yeah, I got it. Thanks, Engie."

Did you know what you were doing? No. Were you gonna tell him that? No.

"Just call me Dell." He responded with a smile, clasping a hand onto your shoulder happily before returning to his bench.

The unexpected touch had left you blushing. Granted it was just a shoulder tap, but your time on the base was already leaving you touch-starved.

"Okay.. Thanks, Dell." You said with a smile. You could see the man grin widely, which he tried to cover by lowering his helmet.

"Not a problem partner." He nodded, refusing to tear his eyes away from the blueprint so that you wouldn't see the blush slowly creeping onto his cheeks.

Chapter Text

You had left Engie's garage, passing by small structures built outside of the base as you walked towards the battlefields at a brisk pace. The air was cool, making you wish you had brought a jacket of sorts. As you walked you noticed the scent of tobacco being carried in the breeze.

You glanced at a nearby shed, seeing a man leaning against the side of it, a cigarette hanging from his mouth. You could recognize that suit in seconds, it was Spy. 

You cautiously approached him. He seemed to be lost deep in thought, or he was simply ignoring you until you were just a few feet away from him.

"Bonjour, Mon Cher." his silky voice carried on the smoke lazily drifting out of his mouth.

There's that thought of wanting to be a cigarette again.

You knew you should get to work before Miss Pauling called again, but maybe it'd be okay to chat with Spy for a moment. The only problem was that you had no idea what to say to him.

"Hey." You smiled, trying to play it cool "Whatcha doing out here?"

He raised a brow, smirking at you teasingly.

"Well, I do believe I am smoking. And you?"

You blushed, embarrassed. "I mean.. yeah. I'm just out to do some cleaning I guess?"

The Spy chuckled. He dropped his cigarette, not bothering to stomp it out so he wouldn't ruin his shoes, the embers of the small cig dying out on their own.

"Best of luck with that, Cher. The place will always have a blood stain on it, it is inevitable in this field." There was a hint of disdain in his voice as he referred to the battlegrounds. His nose crinkled, wrinkling the folds of his red balaclava slightly.

"Yeah, it really seems like it huh? Orders are orders though I suppose." You shrugged, your heart racing as you watched the Frenchman begin to walk towards you, stopping when he was practically at your side.

"I suppose that is so hm?" He looked off, his gaze resting on the base "Not all orders need to be followed, some rules can be broken amour."
You wondered if he was referring to the rules about the mercs not being able to have relationships with each other. Considering Heavys and Medics thing, that rule has definitely been broken. You weren't sure how to respond so you just nodded, side-eyeing the man who had an absent-minded look on his face.

"Are um.. are you okay?"

"I'm fine, Cher. I have many things on my mind." He sighed, only now did you notice the small bags under his eyes "Excuse me, but I must return to base now. Come back to me soon yes?" He put a hand on your head, his gloved fingers fluffing your hair gently. A bright red blush had spread across your face as he removed his hand and strolled off towards the base. 

You watched him walk away, and once he was out of sight you took a deep breath in. Being around him was so nerve-wracking but in a good way?

All these emotions you felt were conflicting with each other. You liked both Engie and Spy, but you had no idea which you liked more. Maybe you were just imagining that they liked you too? You were worried about Spy though, something seemed to be bugging him. There was a cloud of anxiety hanging over you as you remembered what Engie had said about the Blu team being out and about after hours.

You wandered onto the battlefield, looking for things to clean while keeping an ear out for any nearby enemies. Getting captured would be bad, even worse would be getting killed. The respawn stations weren't active when all the battling was done for the day. If you died out here it was over for good.

There were plenty of bodies lying around, most of them without limbs, intestines, etc. To say they were dissected would be an understatement as you looked at the gore surrounding you. You sighed, approaching the first pile of body parts your eyes laid on. Slipping on a pair of latex gloves, you grabbed a body bag, placing all sorts of human remains into the large plastic bag. You shuddered, hearing a sickening squish as you zipped up the first bag.

Wiping the sweat off of your forehead, you looked at how much more was left, and it was overwhelming, to say the least. This would probably take a few hours. You began dragging the bag full of limbs and such towards an incinerator located near the edge of the map, which was kept there for convenience.

You heard a shuffling sound and prayed that it was the wind and not a Blu merc. Reaching the incinerator you threw the remains in there, setting the machine to burn anything in it to ash. With that, you ambled back to the main mess on the battlefield, once again filling the bag and returning to the incinerator. 

You repeated this process at least a good 5-6 times, you had lost count before you decided to take a break. Glancing around the nearly spotless battlefield, you could see it was just like Spy had said. There would always be bloodstains here.

Peeking around a corner you saw a medium-sized crate, which you walked over to and sat down, using it as a chair. Your face was flushed from working under the beating sun, and your clothes were sticking to your skin, drenched in sweat. It didn't help that you had been wearing your binder way longer than you had meant to on top of all that hard work.

As you sat on your makeshift chair you could've sworn you heard stomping feet, immediately setting your nerves on edge. Your eyes widened, examining the field ahead of you with a feeling of panic settling in you. For a second you had seen a flash of blue fabric, and that was enough to know you needed to get out of there. Now.

Chapter Text

You ran over to where your supplies laid, grabbing it up in your arms quickly as you rushed to find the end of the field. Behind you there was an explosion cracking through the sky, causing you to snap your head back, stopping in place as you saw the man who had gone launching into the air.

Was he a Soldier? Definitely. Was he your team's soldier? Not at all. 

You ran for your life. The base just barely came into view as your heart thundered in your chest, your legs threatening to give out while your body strained under adrenaline. The Blu Soldier had landed with a crunch before taking after you like a feral dog. You panicked, knowing you couldn't outrun him.

"Fuck fuck fuck" you whispered between each wheezing* breath, desperate to get away by any means possible. Not too far from you was a small shed, it would buy you some time, but only a little.

You quickly turned, entered the shed, and locked the door with lightning speed. Your chest heaved with anxiety, sweat pouring down your forehead as you tried to calm down enough to think of a plan. There was the gun Engie gave you, but you had no idea how to use it. You grabbed it, looking at the small silver pistol in a last-minute attempt to figure out how it worked.

Your inspection was interrupted as you heard heavy stomping outside. The Soldier was getting closer and way too soon. Your head clouded up, fear raging throughout your body. There was no way out of this one.

You took three quick breaths, but they didn't do much good.

"Okay.. okay. Pistol, pull the thing, pull the other thing, gun go boom. Easy." You muttered to yourself, hands shaking as your fingers found the sliding part of the pistol. The stomping outside was only getting louder as Blu Soldier began to close the distance between him and your shed entirely.

You pulled back the slide, a satisfying click telling you that the gun should be ready to shoot.

"Just gotta pull the trigger and shoot the dude. I got this." You said, trying to comfort yourself.

You do not got this.

The stomping had stopped right outside of the shed's door. A vicious shiver ripped through your body as you heard the man yell:
"YOU CANNOT RUN FROM ME, CUPCAKE!!"

Which was soon followed by what could only be called a screech as you heard the man begin ramming against the door. You shielded your face as wood splinters sprayed across the small area of the shed, hands shaking, your finger never once leaving the trigger.

There was an ear-shattering crash as the Soldier burst through the door. Your heart practically leaped out of your chest as you pulled the trigger, missing the man completely, your arm aching from the gun pulling back.

The Blu Soldier laughed like a maniac, his head rolling back as he roared "IF GOD HAD WANTED YOU TO LIVE HE WOULD NOT HAVE CREATED ME MAGGOT!!"
You knew you were trapped, that he was going to kill you. You didn't want him to have that pleasure, you didn't want him to be able to go back to his scum-filled base and brag about how he had killed the secretary. No, you wouldn't let that happen. 

you knew what you had to do now.

You were going to kill yourself. 

Soldiers had a tendency to have big egos when it came to their abilities in battle, which is something you could take advantage of. You decided to put on an act, pretending to be small and helpless.
"Oh no, you caught me! You're so fast I couldn't outrun you! You're such a strong American man! It'll be such an honor to die by your.. strong American hands."

Your acting skills weren't impressive, but they were enough to make the man puff his chest out with pride.

"You're damn right! I am American and a damn proud one at that! You would not be able to count how many men I have bested in battle! I am unmatched! I am the elite!" he kept going on and on about his greatness, how beautiful America was, the wise words of Sun Tzu, and a bunch of incoherent nonsense.
What he was saying didn't matter, what did matter is that you had a way out now. The man was too caught up in the sound of his own voice to notice you slowly pull the slider of the pistol back. It clicked gently, your hands trembling as you raised the gun's muzzle up to the side of your head. Your heart was racing fast, faster than it ever had before.

The Soldier suddenly stopped talking, a look of absolute rage when he saw what you were about to do. You didn't have time to second guess or back out now. 

You squeezed the trigger, heart beating in your ears, a searing pain coursing through your entire body as you slumped over. You could just barely see the blue fabric fading to gray, the man in front of you yelling something. You had no idea what he had yelled. All of your senses had gone out as blood pooled on the ground around your head, staining your hair with the crimson liquid.

Everything went dark. 

Your body was limp and cold.

The last thought you had was knowing that you weren't coming back from this. 

No respawns, no redo's, it was over.

Chapter Text

You woke up gasping for air, head pounding, lights blinding you, completely disoriented.

It felt like the world was spinning fast as you cried out with a raspy voice.

Steady hands took hold of your shoulders, someone was there but you couldn't tell who it was. The stranger was saying something but all you heard were mumbles. Nothing felt real as you tried to stumble to your feet, falling clumsily onto the smooth tiled floor, causing you to gasp in pain.

The stranger's hands moved from your shoulders to around your waist, hoisting you up. You kicked your legs, heart racing as you tried to fight the seemingly body-less hands. You could feel yourself being carried to a different room.

You were gently set down onto something warm and soft. It felt like a bed, but the momentary comfort you had found there disappeared as you felt leather binding you down, taking away any ability you had to move. 

The need to fight drained out of your body as you accepted defeat. You still couldn't tell what was happening as you heard the stranger's footsteps fade out of the room, a gentle click telling you a door had just closed.

You laid there, breathing shakily as the room came into focus. Wires were running across the floors, monitors beeping softly, filling the silence of the room. You could see a counter with various medical tools lying on it. The walls were painted in a weird off-white, its original color had faded with time.

Guessing from the contents of the room it'd be safe to say it was a part of the bases downstairs med-bay. The place where Medic healed his co-workers and performed sick experiments, mixing the two actions together more often than not.

You glanced at the leather belts wrapped around your arms, tugging lightly. There was no getting out of these without some help. You debated on trying to call for Medic, only to see the door open.

"Hallo! Let's not go feral this time ja?" 

He stepped into the room, carefully watching you as he approached with a small metal tray in hand.

"Medic, what happened? Why am I here?" Your voice sounded distant, distant and unfamiliar.

He chuckled softly, placing the tray down on a nearby counter. You heard him running the sink, tilting your head to watch him fill a small paper cup with water. Once the cup was full he turned towards you with a grin spread wide across his face.

"If you must know junge, you killed yourself!" 

He sounded overjoyed while saying that, stepping over to the bed you laid on. He set the cup down on the bedside table before going to undo the leather straps. They fell away as you propped yourself up, massaging your wrists.

"What?"

"You killed yourself, Leibchen. Do try to keep up now." He patted your shoulder lightly, handing you the cup of water which you gratefully accepted.
The cold water helped to clear your mental fog, the memory of the Blu soldier standing over your bleeding body hitting you like a train.

"Shit, I did do that huh." You groaned, holding your head in your free hand. 

"Ja. I vould advise against doing zat again, putting your brain back together vas no easy feat."

He leaned against the counter, shoulders crossed. Though he was scolding you he looked weirdly proud of his handiwork at the same time.

"Now, vould you mind telling me vhy you did something so idiotic?"

You looked down at your fingers, fidgeting with them while the tips of your ears burned with embarrassment. 
"There was an enemy Soldier in the battlefield while I was cleaning. I panicked and I missed my shot. The fucker was going to kill me, so I decided to beat him to the chase."

"You did know that you vouldn't respawn yes?" He questioned. An eyebrow raised as he stared at you.

"Yeah. I just... I couldn't have him go back to his base and have the satisfaction of being the one who offed me."

Medic sighed, a hand resting over his face as he shook his head in disappointment.
"I understand. You are very lucky ve found you. Zat Herr Conagher did specifically."

Oh.

"Engie.. he saw me like that?"

"Vell, yes. He vas very shaken. As one typically vould be, but bloodshed is something ve see often, it no longer bothers us. I have not seen him make zat face in a long time."

You felt terrible. In your panic with the Soldier, you hadn't once considered how your death would've affected the mercs. While you were just Ms. Pauling's assistant you had quickly become friends with the men somehow.

"Does everyone know?"

"Ja. It vas quite ze commotion! They vere all concerned for you if you're vondering."

There was a knock at the main room door and Medic excused himself to go answer it. You heard chaos and the scuttling of feet, muffled voices coming from the other room before you saw a masked figure in the doorway of your room.

"Ach! Pyro! He is not ready for visitors dummkopf!" You could see Medic holding Pyro by the arm, trying to pull them back.

The masked merc easily escaped his clutches though, skipping over to your bedside. They flapped their hands up and down when they stopped next to where you sat. 

Pyro seemed happy to see you alive and well.

"Hey Py, good to see you too bud." You smiled at them, glad they were here. 

Excited muffled words came flowing out of their mask, though you couldn't understand a single word. Medic was simply standing in the doorway, having given up on trying to stop the arsonist. Pyro clasped your right-hand hand between their gloved ones, more muffles pouring out. They were more talkative than usual. They grabbed both of your hands now, tugging lightly as they tried to get you out of your bed.

You laughed, shakily getting out of bed with the help of your rubber-clad team-mate. Medic looked concerned but you gave him a small nod of assurance, wordlessly telling the doctor that you'd be fine. He sighed but allowed you and Pyro to leave the med-bay as they led you down one of the base's many hallways.

"Wait wait! Where are we going?" You breathed, struggling to keep up with them.

Pyro stopped and let go of the hand they had been leading you by. They then held their hands up to the lenses of their mask, making goggles with their gloved hands around what would be their eyes. You weren't the best at communicating this way, but there was only one merc besides Pyro who wore goggles often, if not always.

"Engie? We're going to see Engie?" You asked with a tone of uncertainty. Your masked friend nodded, clapping their hands joyfully.

"I don't know Py. I'm.. I'm worried he'll be mad at me."

Though you couldn't see their facial expressions, you could tell they were looking at you like you were ridiculous for saying that. Pyro shook their head, putting a hand on your shoulder and giving you a thumbs up, reassuring you that everything would be just fine.

You were nervous, but you followed them along regardless and thought to yourself quietly as Pyro led you along. 

It was weird. You had been in this hallway countless times, broken weapons in machinery in hand as you dragged it to Engie's workshop, yet it felt strange and unfamiliar in this hall now. A part of you worried that you were actually dead right now and that this was what the underworld had to offer.
A cold hallway in a run-down base full of murderers. Doesn't sound like heaven that's for sure. You wouldn't give it up for the world.

Pyro tugged on your sleeve, pulling you out of your thoughts. They pointed to the large metal double doors in front of the two of you.
Engie's workshop was just behind those doors.

You had no idea what you were going to say or do once you crossed that threshold and you shivered with nervousness. Pyro noticed this, and patted your shoulder, trying to help you calm down.

"I know, I shouldn't worry. He was the one who found me though. What will he say you know? Will he hate me? I um, I really don't want him to hate me." You fumbled over your words, only to look up and see Pyro knocking on one of the doors.

You see his yellow hard hat first, his stout frame following after it. His goggles were resting on his forehead and his dark blue eyes met yours. It was like everything melted away as the two of you stared at each other. Nothing was spoken except for a single gasp from the Engineer:

"Oh."

Chapter Text

Engie was looking at you like he had seen a ghost, and in a way he was.

"Well I'll be." The stout man whispered, hesitantly walking up to you. 

He gently reached his hand out to touch your face, shifting his hand to hold the side of it tenderly. For a moment you could see tears starting to form in the corners of his eyes, but he shook his head, refusing to let a single tear fall.

"I never thought I'd see you again pardner." 

His usually confident voice was trembling as he stood there, his hand falling away from your face and landing at his side. You were already missing his gentle touch the moment he pulled away.

"I uh.. I didn't think I'd see you again either, luckily that's not the case. I would've missed you."

The expression on his face couldn't have gotten any softer. Knowing you were still alive, and that you were right here, telling him you would've missed him.. well he could just melt right into the floor.  He shuffled his feet, his cheeks glowing with a rosy tint.

"I woulda missed you too sweetheart. More than you'd know."

Sweetheart?

Hearing him call you that made you want to die from happiness, you sorta just came back to life though so it wouldn't be the best idea.

He clasped a hand on the back of his neck as he admitted nervously "Well, I already missed you real bad. When I found you.." Engie trailed off, his hands shaking.

Seeing the man before you looking so distraught, so traumatized by something, something you had done, it just broke your heart. Your eyes burned as tears fell down your face. The sorrow and shame you felt was unbearable. In your panic, you had hurt someone.

You hurt Engie, a person that you had never wanted to hurt like that.

"Hold on a second pardner, look at me." Engie's hand returned to your face, lifting it slightly to make eye contact with you. You hadn't even realized you had been looking down. He swiped your tears away with his gloved thumbs, looking at you with his soft baby-blue eyes.

"You scared me somethin' fierce, hell I ain't been that scared in years. I was real worried you wouldn't come back. Yet here ya' are! Everythin' worked out and boy am I grateful it did."

You looked at him, tears still shining in your eyes.
"I'm so sorry."

"It's.. well, it ain't fine, but you're alive. That's what matters. Never do that to me again ya' hear?"

"I won't. I promise."

The two of you stood there, illuminated in the light of the workshop. Engie stepped closer to you. He looked hesitant, his hands still shaking slightly as he pulled you into a hug. You felt tense at first but quickly melted into it, wrapping your arms around him. The hug was long, but it didn't feel like nearly long enough when the two of you pulled away, both of you blushing as you did so. 

"I should probably go tell the team I'm fine, and that I'm sorry."

"While I'm sure they'd more 'an appreciate that, I reckon they're all asleep by now." Engie chuckled, "D'ya know what time it is?"

You glanced down at your wrist to check the watch that usually adorned it, but it wasn't there. You looked at the man as you sheepishly shook your head.

"It's late, real late. You best go get some sleep pardner. We had to tell Ms. Pauling about everythin'. If you ask me y'all got an ear full waitin' for you tomorrow."

Goddamnit. You hadn't even thought about what Pauling would say. What if she fired you? You could lose this job, lose the insanely good pay that came with it, and most of all lose contact with the mercenaries you had come to love.

You crossed your fingers, hoping against all odds that she'd give you a second chance.

Chapter Text

Tossing

Turning

Trying to escape.

You can see his wicked grin,

The holes in his teeth,

The blood in his gums,

His helmet tilted back along with blood lust in his eyes.

You hadn't shot soon enough.

He had you in his grasp,

Rough and heavy hands around your neck

Unable to break free as his disgusting face filled your eyes.

You heard a sickening snap, the sound of airways crashing.

The ground melted away,

Helpless to stop it all.

Birds were chirping outside as you sprung out of bed, full of panic the second you woke up. No one else was in the room. You were alive and in one piece. Just seconds ago you were standing on high alert, but now you found yourself crumbled on the ground sobbing like a scared little boy.

"Shit! Shit!" You tried to stand up again, but the weight of your nightmare held you down as you cried profanities out loud. Your hands tangled in your hair as you leaned against your bed, the birdsong outside of your window drowned out by your sobs.

There was no soldier, you were not dead, and yet you were shaking on the floor with tears streaming down your face. If anyone walked into your room you wouldn't be able to cope with the embarrassment. 

Slowly but surely your panic subsided. Your breathing returned to its regular pace as you pulled your hands out of your hair. Your body felt limp and weak, but you didn't have time for that.

You knew the mercs were expecting you by now, and it was more than likely that Ms. Pauling would be as well. Your legs shook as you pulled yourself up. You stumbled over to your dresser, pulling a drawer open and sifting through the clothes inside mindlessly. Grabbing a plain white button-up shirt and pair of black slacks you went to go sit on your bed, not trusting your legs to support you as you pulled the clothing onto your aching body.

You never knew that dreams could be so draining.

After buttoning up your shirt you glanced over to your bedside table, there was a half-drank water bottle on it which you quickly grabbed. The cool liquid helped calm your nerves enough to stop your legs from shaking any further.

You sighed as you heaved yourself off of the bed, glancing at yourself in the mirror. You stopped dead in your tracks, eyes glued to your reflection. You looked like an absolute mess. Your hair was all out of place, your eyes bloodshot and your eyelids puffy. Something else seemed off though. You panned a hand across your chest, noticing the flatness of it but the absence of your binder.

"What the-" You lifted up your shirt.

Scars were running across your torso from Medics revival procedure, but it appears he did an extra surgery on top of it. Your fingers ran across your now smooth chest, the lumps that used to haunt you were no longer there. A wild grin spread across your face, looking in the mirror as euphoria coursed through your veins. 

It felt like a part of you had been freed.

For a moment you had forgotten everything. The nightmare, the mercs waiting downstairs, the fear of losing your job, it was all lost as you stood mesmerized in the mirror.

The spell-binding moment was broken though as a knock sounded on your door, and before you could even answer it was being pushed open.

"Mornin' lazy ass! Wake up will ya-"

Scout barged in, yapping non-stop before stopping in his tracks to stare at your scar-covered chest, mouth wide open. You pulled your shirt back over your torso, annoyed at the intruder.

"I'll be down in a moment, get out."

The Bostonian decided that he would not be getting out. Instead, he was going to bug you.
"Those scars are sick! How'd you get 'em? From dyin'? I don't get scars from dyin' that's not fair, c'mon look at me! A cool guy like me should have scars. Chicks dig scars y'know? They see a dude with scars and they're all ove-"

You slapped a hand over the twinkish boy's mouth, shoving him out of your room forcefully. As you locked the door you could hear his muffled complaints on the other side. You ignored him, grabbing your hairbrush off of the dresser. You combed it out as best you could, which really wasn't great but it was better than the rat's nest it was before.

There was nothing you could do about your red eyes though. You sighed as you slid on a pair of busted-up sneakers, pulling open your door only to be met by Scout again. He hadn't stopped complaining yet. You wondered how he managed to talk so long without drying up his mouth. You stepped out into the hallway, walking towards the dining room with the boy trailing behind.

He talked almost non-stop, only pausing to take a sip of Bonk. You have no idea where he pulled it from, he didn't have it earlier. Scout puts one of his bandaged hands onto your shoulder, breaking your stride as he pulls you back a bit.

"Hey so um, why'd ya do it man?"

"Do what?"

"Y'know.. the whole uh.." Scout put a finger gun up to his head, pretending to shoot it.

You knew this question was going to get asked eventually, you just weren't prepared for it yet.

"Oh. There.. there was an enemy Soldier."

"Huh? Why didn't ya' just kill him instead?"

"I missed the shot." Your ears burned with embarrassment. Imagine having to tell a professional killer you couldn't shoot a single target so you resorted to killing yourself.

"So like your shot just went off course and hit you right?" Scout asked, he wasn't joking, he thought that's what happened.

"N-no.. I- uh, I did it out of pride. I didn't want.. want the enemy to have the joy of killing me." Your hands shook as memories of that split moment replayed in your mind.

Scout's face fell at your explanation. His brows were furrowed like he had a lot on his mind. His face looked a lot like Spy's at that moment. Guess the apple doesn't fall too far from the tree.

You wondered what Spy thought about all this.

The Bostonian let go of your shoulder, remaining silent as the two of you continued down the hall. His silence was unnerving, to say the least. 

You made a few turns, careful to not lose your way in the bases maze-like architecture. Before you knew it you made it to the doorway of the main room. All you had to do was cut through there and you'd make it in time for breakfast.

Thinking about having to walk into the room full of mercs made you a bit nervous. They knew you were alive, there was no way Medic didn't brag about it, but you were curious as to how they'd react to actually seeing you.

They had seen plenty of people come back to life though, themselves included among those numbers. Would it be so different than that?

Chapter Text

Turns out it was a lot more different.

As you stood in the doorway of the dining room the mercs stared, watching as you took a seat by Engie. There was a plate full of pancakes in front of you, but that wasn't your main focus just yet. You had an explanation to tell and an apology to make. The only problem was that being in the spotlight like this made you insanely anxious. You couldn't even look up at the other men.

Scout had wandered into the room as well, sitting next to Sniper. No one seemed to care so much about him.

You figured you might as well say something. it'd be better than the current awkward silence.

"Hi, morning everyone." It was the best you could do, you had no idea how to break the ice in this situation. 

Luckily you didn't have to worry about that. The room erupted with sound as the mercs' voices overlapped over each other. From what you could pick up it was a mix of welcomes, questions, and concerns about your appearance.

You tried to answer the questions but failed as your voice got drowned out in the chaos of the room. Soldier and Demo were now yelling about something loudly at each other, Scout trying to join in while Sniper grumbled something, pulling his hat's brim over his face.  Medic simply dug into his pancakes like he was dissecting them as Heavy shook his head at the yelling mercs. Pyro was off in a corner playing with toy ponies, Spy was nowhere to be seen.

Maybe your apology would have to wait for another day. Engie nudged your shoulder gently, causing you to turn your gaze towards his as he gave you a subtle thumbs up. Everything was gonna be okay.

You watched the men argue, amused by their chaotic antics. Realizing your pancakes were probably going cold, you poured some syrup onto them and took a bite.

They were amazing, perfectly soft and fluffy. Not too sweet but not bitter either. It was like eating an actual cake, but smaller and as a breakfast food. You guessed Engie had made these, he was the best at cooking so it'd make sense.

You turned towards the Texan and thanked him for breakfast, but he just laughed as he admitted it wasn't him that cooked this morning. 

"Well I appreciate it darl' but I ain't the one who made it, that'd be Spy. I betcha he's still hanging 'round the kitchen if you'd like me to pass on the message."

Your plate had been emptied quickly, you were so hungry you had inhaled the pancakes like they were made of air. Scooting out of your chair you grabbed your syrup-covered plate and Engies as well, turning to head towards the kitchen.

"I think I'll tell him myself, thank you though Engie!"

Engineer watched you walk out as he cursed silently. He regretted telling you where Spy was, knowing how Spy felt about you and how the Frenchman would easily have the advantage to winning you over. Engie was too smart to not see how the Spy would admire you from afar, watching how you smiled when talking to the masked man. He hated being so jealous.

He wished he wouldn't imagine how you and Spy would look together. How Spy could sweep you off your feet at any moment leaving ol' Engie in the dust, how you'd probably be happier with the other man anyways. He had always preferred logic over emotion and nothing he was feeling right now was logical, it annoyed him.

--------------------

You walked into the kitchen to see the suited man standing at the sink, a pretty pink apron tied around his waist as he washed dishes. The sight of the distinguished man in such a silly-looking apron made you want to burst out laughing, but you managed to contain your giggles as you placed the plates down on the counter next to him.

"Guess who?" You whispered close to the man's ear, Spy practically jumping at the sight of you.

"Merde!" The masked man yelped.

He pulled away from the sink, his sleeves rolled up as soap trailed down his arms. It seems you were the one doing the sneaking this time. 
The man looked you up and down, taking in the sight of you.

"You look terrible, Cher."

Usually, you'd take offense to that, but he seemed to be more worried for you than judging.

"Yeah.. guess coming back from the dead isn't the most attractive look."

Spy fell silent as he dried his hands off. He eyed you, taking in every detail of your current appearance. The last time he saw you, your brains had been blown out. The fact that you were standing here, joking about dying... it was a terrible yet a miracle at the same time.

Terrible that you had died yet could still joke about it. A miracle you were able to talk at all.

"After all, dead men tell no tales." He thought to himself.

"Too soon?" You asked, taking note of his silence.

"Not at all."

The short answer said more than what he said, obviously it had been too soon and was definitely not fine.

"Spy I just um.. I wanted to say I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I.. I panicked, I didn't know what to do."

The Spy looked at you with an incredulous look on his face. Well, with what you could see of his face at least.

"Quoi?! Non, I'm the one who needs to apologize amour. We could have avoided this if I had only kept an eye on you. It was a mistake on my part." The Frenchman replied with a remorseful tone in his voice.

Spy feeling responsible for your death was nothing short of unexpected. The man was egotistical, almost always seeing himself as more important than the other mercs, so why was he of all people apologizing?

"Why? What could you have done? If you had been there we would've both died. What's a secretary and a spy against a man with a literal rocket launcher?" Having Spy, a person who doesn't care for just about anyone but himself care about you was weird. What felt even weirder is that you liked it more than you'd care to admit.

"You underestimate me. Even so, having us both die would be better than having to see you without a head again."

"You've seen plenty of headless people, what's the difference?"

"It is different when it comes to you cher. There was no guarantee you'd come back, une vie sans toi ne serait rien."

There he goes again, that accent and those words you couldn't understand making you fall for the masked man. You had to be better than that. You knew better than to let someone so dangerous get too close. Maybe though, just maybe, you could risk it someday.

"You know I don't speak French right?"

"Oui, that is the point amour."

Spy untied the apron around his waist as he spoke. He wasn't wearing his usual suit, just a plain button-up and a pair of simple dress pants. Despite how unsophisticated the man looked in this outfit he was still stupidly handsome. It was almost annoying how hot this guy was.  Of course, he was still wearing his signature balaclava, you had never seen him without it on. It was almost like it was just a part of his face. You wondered if you would ever get to see underneath his crimson mask.

He noticed you staring as he leaned against the counter, casually lighting a cigarette as he side-eyed you with a glint of amusement. 

"Something on your mind cher? You're blushing." He teased, pointing out the burning pink on your cheeks that you hadn't even noticed.

God that's embarrassing.

"Yeah! I'm fine, it's uh.. just a little warm in here." 

Spy smirked, moving close to you and leaning down to your height, his lips right next to your ear. His breath tickled your neck as he spoke lowly.

"Really? I had not noticed. Are you sure you're not thinking of something?" 

Your breath hitched in your throat, flustered at how close the man's face was to yours. If you had turned your head just right you could probably kiss him. The thought of doing something so bold sent a shiver down your spine as you tried to grasp for something to say.

"WHAT IN GOD'S NAME ARE YOU TWO MAGGOTS DOING?!"

You snapped to attention at the gruff man yelling behind you. It was like something had shot through your nerves, the sight of your team's Soldier sending you into panic, shaking as you stared at the man with wide eyes. Your entire body felt cold as you stumbled over words, unable to form a simple sentence as you shook there.

Demoman was there too, he had entered with Soldier to see you and Spy standing so closely to each other. He didn't care so much but Soldier was a stickler for rules. The three mercs watched as you fumbled over words, making little to no sense. Engie had heard the commotion, peeking his head in to see you pale and sweaty as you stuttered between them.

"Alright now ya'll, give the poor man some space. Go on now." The Engineer slipped into the room, making room for you to breathe.

"Hey pardner, you're alright y'hear? It's gonna be just fine now."

Spy was glaring daggers at Engie, who was too busy comforting you to notice.

"Soldier you must be careful, our little Secretary has been through enough without your barbaric screams scaring him." Spy scolded the Soldier, pushing him out of the kitchen which was met by complaints from him.

"HE SEEMED PERFECTLY FINE GETTING LOVEY DOVEY WITH YOU FRENCHIE! IT IS NOT MY FAULT HE DOES NOT KNOW HOW TO HANDLE PURE AMERICAN RAGE!"

Demo shambled after them, joining Spy in chiding the now even angrier man.
"Ach lad, ye best shut y' mouth. Yer makin' too much of a fuss an' sent lil one inna tizzy."

The men's voices faded as they got further away, the occasional yell from Soldier a muffle through the walls.

Engie had both hands on your shoulders, moving his hands up and down gently on your arms to try and help you calm down. Your breath gradually slowed down, and your eyes burned from crying. 

The Spy had re-entered after shooing out the unruly American, glancing at you with concern in his eyes. Your eyes were puffy again and there was snot dripping out of your nose. The embarrassment was unbearable as you looked down while sniffling, trying to hide your face.

"Sorry, sorry.. I don't know why I freaked out."

"It's fine cher, yesterday was long. It may take a while to recover from it."

Engie was about to say something as well when your ear started ringing, the fact that you had managed to shoot yourself without damaging the comm device in your ear was.. confusing, yet almost impressive.

"Shit, sorry it's Pauling, I gotta go answer this call."

You stepped out of the room, leaving the two men alone as Ms. Pauling began scolding you in your earpiece for being too reckless.

Chapter Text

Engie turned towards Spy. It wasn't obvious due to his goggles, but he was glaring darkly at the taller man.

"Now what in tarnation was all that?" The Texan hissed

"Whatever do you mean laborer?" Spy answered Engies question with another, a condescending tone in his voice as he looked down on the stout man.

"You know exactly what I mean pardner. Why'd you just stand there doin' nothing? He was scared an' ya'll were just starin' him down!"

"He was not in any danger, I made sure of it. The Soldier is one of us. Monsieur Secretary will have to face him eventually."

If it was humanly possible Engineer would have steam blowing out of his ears. It was taking everything in him to not just punch the French man onto the tiled floors.

"Eventually! That don't mean right now!"

Spy ignored the aggravated man. He took a drag from his cigarette while spaced out, a bored expression on his face. Engie wasn't having any of that though. The Texan stepped on the masked man's shoes, forcing him to pay attention. Sadly that plan backfired as Spy grabbed the shorter man by the collar of his shirt, choking him slightly.

"Listen here, pardner . If you step on my shoes again I will kill you. I will torture you for hours, begging for the sweet relief of death, and when you are dead I will have the little secretary all to myself. Compris?"

Engineer pushed away from the French man. He wanted to punch him, he wanted to punch him so bad then spit on his beaten and bloody body when he was done.

"If you so much as lay a finger on him I ain't afraid to beat you down like the snake you are."

The tension in the room was so thick you could cut it with a knife as Spy looked down at the Engineer with deep contempt.

"We'll see about that enfoiré ."  Spy replied gruffly as he cloaked, disappearing from sight.

Engie went on high alert, his hand resting on his pistol as he surveyed the room. There was basically no way to tell where Spy had gone to now. The Texan waited for a good minute before relaxing, punching the counter in frustration.

"Dagnabbit!"

Chapter Text

The meeting with Ms. Pauling could have gone better. 

You had been summoned into the Admins dimly lit office, and speaking with the older woman was pretty awful. You had to tell both her and Pauling about running into the Blu Soldier outside of battle hours which was less than comfortable. It took a lot out of you to not melt down completely right in front of them. 

Who knew dying would be so traumatic.

On the other hand, you weren't getting fired! You were getting reassigned to work in the base's office for a few weeks. You were not to go on any field missions or even step foot out of the base for a month though. It was like getting grounded, but instead of sneaking onto games past bedtime, it was for committing suicide. 

My how the times change.

Speaking of time, right now you were frantically pacing back in forth in your room. Flashbacks from this morning's nightmare flooding your brain.

The soldier's sick grin. Oxygen trapped in your lungs. That feeling of helplessness. Maybe you were pathetic for letting a dream get to you like this, for being unable to shake how terrified it made you. Maybe you wished you had stayed dead rather than having to deal with this.  

You hated the way your hands shook and tears poured out of your eyes. It made you want to scream, scream till your sides split and the pain leaves. 

Sadly that wasn't an option. You had to get out of there, out of that room, and do something. Just about anything would be better than this.

Shakily wiping the tears from your eyes you went to grab a change of clothes from your dresser. You felt disgusting as you stepped out of your room exhausted and bleary-eyed, setting off towards the community bathroom. Hoping a good shower would wash all of this away, grateful Pauling had given you the weekend to recover before having to report for duty again.

-----------------

The showers weren't too far from your room so it was a short walk there. You peered into the bathroom, checking to make sure no one else was in there. The space was empty as you ambled into the room, making your way to the stall you used every time you had the chance to. 

It was off in the corner of the room, and out of all the stalls its curtain was in the best condition. Privacy was pretty important considering how awkward it'd be if one of the mercs found out about your lack of a penis. Who knows what would happen. Maybe one day, far into the future you'll tell them about it. 

You stepped into the stall, closing the curtain behind you before pulling your shirt off. In the past, you'd do your best to not look down in an attempt to avoid seeing your chest. It was different now though, now you could run your hands down the flat skin, feeling the haphazardly spaced scars against your fingers. It was a little sensitive, but if your guess was right everyone's favorite doctor used his medigun to speed up the healing process significantly. 

"Not too shabby." you thought to yourself, un-doing your belt and sliding off the pants that had been held up by it along with your boxers.
You turned the showers nob towards the cold side, the pipes springing to life as water poured down. It smelled metallic. You remember how Pauling told you about the large percentage of lead in the bases water, it probably wasn't the safest thing to bathe in but there weren't any other options. You shivered as you dipped your face under the shower head.

The water was practically freezing. Just how you wanted it, the cold soothed your eyes that had been burning with tears moments ago. 

In a way, time is a lot like water in the way it flows. You'd give anything to freeze it. Secure the present in ice, paused right where everything and everyone was safe. It was an unrealistic wish, but a guy can dream, right?

Chapter Text

In the past week, you hadn't had much time to process anything. Somehow you got nude photos taken of you, committed suicide, came back from the dead, had top surgery, and two mercs developing feelings for you in such a short time. You had only been here for under a month yet it felt so much longer than that.

No wonder Ms. Pauling was so exhausted. She's probably dealt with even crazier stuff.

When you accepted this job you weren't expecting nearly this much chaos. You really thought it'd be like any other intern job and man were you wrong about that. Your work here was just starting, it made you a little nervous for the future.

It was a weird situation. Even though you were Pauling's secretary and not an actual merc you were still considered a part of Red, since it was their base you had been staying in. You did the most work there, and only went over to Blu's base once to do an inspection with Ms. Pauling.

Despite the rough condition of Red's base, Blu's was even worse. For a corporation with slews of money, Mann Co. doesn't seem to care for their employees much besides paying them and supplying their weapons of war.

A shiver ran down your back, but it wasn't from the freezing water pouring down. What if you had to go to their base again, see the Blu soldier again? You knew you shouldn't be scared, but that doesn't stop nightmares, does it? You never even asked the admin if Blu got punished for going on the battlefield after hours. The mercs were all free to go wherever under a few conditions, but there had been set restrictions on going in the field at certain times for safety measures. Maybe you'd ask Pauling about it. 

You generously lathered soap into your hair, humming quietly as you worked the shampoo to your scalp. Maybe everything would be okay. You stood still for a moment, listening to the soft pattering of water against cold tiles. There wasn't any chaos now. Just you.

You finished rinsing off before spinning the showers nob the opposite direction, turning off the water. The faucet dripped slowly as you grabbed a towel to dry yourself with.

The towel you had selected wasn't in the best condition, but at least it wasn't as ripped up as Scout's. You had no idea how his got that messed up but-

--------------

You weren't entirely sure what happened. One moment you'd been drying off from your shower and the next thing you knew you were waking up in the med-bay, slightly damp and scantily clad in a hospital gown.

"Cher?" 

"Spy?"
You propped yourself up, turning to face the masked man who was seated in a folding chair next to your sickbed.

The second your eyes met his he enveloped you in a hug. The unexpected gesture made you tense up at first, but you quickly melted into it, arms gently wrapping around his shoulders. Spy was never affectionate with anyone. Ever. It was weird, yet you couldn't hold back the red blush that flared across your cheeks.

He pulled away slowly but held you at arm's length, looking you up and down with furrowed brows and concern in his eyes. The man's intense gaze only made you more flustered, shifting on the mattress nervously as he took in the sight of you.

"How did I.. what happened? Why am I here?" You questioned, glancing around the room in an attempt to avoid making eye contact.

"You fainted in ze shower dummkopf." Medic walked in. The look on his face told you that you were probably about to get scolded. "When vas ze last time you hydrated hm?"

You grinned awkwardly, unable to remember. "Uhh, does taking a shower count?"

The doctor frowned. His voice cold as he responded.

 "It does not."

He exchanged glances with Spy, who simply nodded. A wordless agreement between the two. The Frenchman stood up, eyeing you one last time before stepping out of the room. As he exited, Medic grabbed a chair, pulled it up to the bed, and sat with his legs crossed.

"So, I am going to give you medications und you are going to take zem. Understood bengel?" The doctor reached into his coat, pulling out two orange pill bottles, and placing them on the bedside table. You didn't entirely trust these pills but nodded regardless. Medic wasn't in the mood to be tested right now.

"Will do."

"Wunderbar! You are also to check in veekly. Fail to do this.. vell let's just say I know where you sleep ja?"

The thought of Medic creeping into your room and performing experiments that would make even the devil shiver was not a comforting thought at all.

"Don't worry Med, I'm fully aware." You sat up fully, peering through the doorway. "Where did Spy go?"

"He vent to go get wasser, he's taking longer zen expected though." He paused, "I vas not expecting to see both him und Scout vorking together earlier. They're ze ones who brought you here."

Everything seemed to freeze for a moment, your brain struggling to process the doctor's words. Both Spy and Scout? But you had been.. in the shower.. oh god. Realization hit you like a truck, the color bleaching from your face.

"They.. did.. They saw me naked?" It felt like your body was on fire as you flushed with embarrassment.

"Vell, yes. They also saw you passed out on ze floor so I feel zat you being in ze nude was not ze main focus ja?"

Just when you thought things couldn't have gotten any weirder today. You groaned, burying your face in your hands as you hunched over. Medic clasped a hand on your shoulder in a half attempt to comfort you.

"Now now liebchen! They've seen plenty vorse than naked teammates."

Yeah, that did not help.

"Ughhhhh what am I gonna do man. That's so awkward. They find me naked and passed out and I'm supposed to be okay with this? Goddamit." You were so embarrassed you almost wanted to cry. Dying again didn't sound too bad at the moment.

Medic simply shrugged, his only advice being to "Not think about it too much"

Your head was starting to hurt again, unsure if it was from wanting to cry or from hitting your head on the hard shower tile, you curled back onto the bed. You wanted to crawl into a hole and never look at Spy or anyone else again. To be honest though, you'd miss him. He was so stupidly handsome to you despite how you've never even seen his face entirely. 

Speak of the devil.

Spy always seemed to have this air of grace around him, everything from the way he talked to the way he walked was like a waltz. Except for now. He looked nervous, his movements almost clunky as he brought in a bottle of water.

"My apologies for the wait." He passed the bottle to you, watching as you unscrewed it and took a sip. A part of him wished it was him you were pressing your lips to rather than the bottle. 

He shook his head, redirecting his attention to the medic "Doctor, a word please."

"Ja?"

You watched the two men who had moved off to the far side of the room. A hushed yet urgent-sounding conversation between the two of them. You couldn't hear anything they were saying, but it seemed important. Spy glanced over at you, before turning back to Medic.

Oh. They were talking about you, weren't they?

It would make sense. It's not every day you find your coworker passed out, damp, and naked in the bathroom. Maybe Spy thought you had died again? That would explain why he hugged you. Would it really though? What if it was more than that? Why did you even pass out in the first place? Had he gone looking for you? 

All these thoughts and emotions made your head swoon, groaning as you palmed your forehead.

Spy had moved so quickly to your side that it was like he teleported.

"Are you alright amour?" His soft tone contrasted with the concerned frown he wore.

"Yeah," You looked up at him, giving a crooked smile "I'm fine. Just.. tired."

He wasn't convinced but didn't pry any further. "If you insist."

Medic approached you, exchanging glances with Spy again which was met with a sigh from the Frenchman.

"Bitte herr Secretary, me und Spy have come to an agreement, but need your opinion as vell. Ve believe that in your current state, it vould not be safe to leave you by yourself. Spy has volunteered to keep an eye on you, but it is up to you. Vould you be comfortable with zis?"

It went so quiet you could hear a pin drop. How would that even work? Would he just follow you around or something? That doesn't sound awful, but would he really be okay with that? You tilted your head, side-eyeing Spy, a questioning expression on your face.

"You can take time if you need, I'm aware this may sound like.. a peculiar arrangement cher-"

"No! No it's okay, I'm just a little surprised." you felt a little bad for cutting him off but he didn't seem to mind. Rather he was too busy listening. "How would this work? Would you just follow me around or something?"

"For a couple days yes. Just while you recover." Spy glanced at Medic again, who shrugged. "We were also thinking I could do nighttime monitoring as well." He almost seemed bashful adding that last part.

"Oh?"

"Oui, there is a bed in my smoke room you could borrow if you'd be so inclined to."

Oh. That's why he seemed embarrassed.

You felt your face warm up at the mention of staying in his quarters. Even if it'd only be for a short period, the idea was enticing.

"Sounds good to me, I accept."

"God what am I doing." You thought to yourself. Internally cringing at how excited you were about this. It's just staying in Spy's room for a couple days. No big deal, right?

"Very well then. Excuse me, I have some matters to attend to. You do remember where my smoking room is yes?" Spy looked antsy. You could've sworn you saw him fidget with the cuff of his sleeve.

"Yep! See you later?"

"Indeed, later."

He cloaked without a word, disappearing from sight entirely. You heard Medic huff with indignation, turning to stare at the German.

"Vhy does he do that? Never says goodbyes. Just turns invisible and waltzes off! I don't know how you put up with him junge." You had never been bothered by it before, but now that he mentioned it, it did seem weird.

You were about to respond when there was a knock on the door, followed by a creak as it opened.

"Doktor?"

The thick Russian accent was immediately recognizable, and hearing it told you it was time to leave. You stood up, grabbed your pills, and nodded a quick farewell to Medic as you walked towards the exit, passing by Heavy.

"Tiny man! Good to see you alive." The Russian ruffled your hair, happy to see you up and running again.

"Good to be alive. Sorry I can't stick around right now, got work to do."

Heavy dismissed you with a large hand, laughing deeply "It is not problem, stay safe Да?"

"Will do." You gave him a mock salute as you stepped out of the medbay. Just barely able to see Medic wrap his arms around the larger man's neck through the crack in the door.

Chapter Text

Spy's heart was pounding as he made his way down the hall. Why did he agree to letting you stay in his room? Just being around you was difficult, yet here he was diving off the deep end already. This could be bad for him. Very bad.

He went to his quarters, stepping into the room with a sense of urgency. Everything had to be perfect. Not a single thing could be out of place.

The man didn't know why he was so nervous. He has seduced both men and women, infiltrated many bases, and led so many missions with unwavering confidence, yet with you he could barely keep himself together.   

Why was he so drawn to you? Why did he want you around so much? He had tried to keep his distance, yet always found his eyes pulling back to you despite his efforts. It annoyed and fascinated him at the same time.

What was it that made you so special?

He grabbed the pack of imported cigarettes from his coat pocket. There were only a few left of them, but he didn't have time to worry about that right now.

Reaching into his other pocket he retrieved his lighter and ignited the cigarette, sighing out a puff of smoke as he surveyed the room.

Spy frowned at the sight of dust starting to collect on his shelves. Usually, he didn't have to do any cleaning, but it was an important occasion. He rarely, if ever, allowed anyone into his personal area and he needed the room to look its best. Who knows what could happen?

------------------------------------------------------------------------

You weren't entirely sure what to do now. It seemed later in the day now, maybe 4-ish. Probably not a good time to go to Spy's room just yet. It'd be nice to go on a walk but you weren't supposed to leave the base. Your stomach grumbled, getting a snack didn't sound too bad right now.

As you wandered towards the kitchen you could swear you heard whispering.

"I'm finally going mental aren't I." You thought, peeking around the corner.

It wasn't the clearist view but it looked like Scout was just sitting on a counter by himself. You really didn't want to talk to him since he was one of the ones who had found you passed out. Turns out the Bostonian wasn't the only one there as you heard footsteps, Sniper coming into sight. What were they-

Sniper stood between Scout's legs. His hands rested on either side of the other man as Scout wrapped his arms around the Aussie's waist, pulling him into a kiss.

Your face flushed with embarrassment. You should definitely not be watching this, backing away from the entryway as you crept silently back down the hall. 

That was unexpected.

It took everything for you to not burst out laughing. You weren't sure if the giddy feeling was from nerves or from seeing the unusual pair together, though them being together sort of made sense? Despite his claims, Scout was obviously not the straightist, and out of all the mercs Snipes was closest to his age though he looked years older. Either way, you were happy for them.

There goes the chance to get something to eat though. There was no way you'd want to walk in on those two.  Maybe you had something left in the snack stash you kept in your room.

--------------------------------------------------------------
Luckily a single chip bag remained in your room. Well, not anymore. You had eaten it an hour ago, officially depleting your stash.

Besides a little snacking, you had decided to pass the time by reading whatever books or comics you could find lying around your room, trying to avoid thinking about tonight.

The sun was setting as you laid in bed. Flipping through page after page, chapter after chapter of the book you had picked. Time was taking forever to pass and things were getting pretty boring. 

You slid out of bed, stretching before going to look in the mirror. The reflection that greeted you had deep eyebags, messy hair, and paler-than-usual skin, almost like a zombie.

In a way, you were one. All the mercs were too. You heard once that "Heroes never die", and while these men were far from being heroes it seemed to apply to them just fine. What was coming back like for the others?

You knew Sniper had died once while out of the respawns range during one of the team's most dangerous missions, and that Medic had brought him back the same way he brought you back. Maybe you'd ask the Aussie about it someday.

It wasn't the easiest feat, but you got yourself to look less like the undead and more like a somewhat functioning human. 

Pulling your gaze away from the mirror, you checked the time, glancing at your trusty old wall clock. 

It was 7:23 pm. 

The base usually had dinner around 7 so it was weird no one came to get you. You opened your door, only to see Engie who looked like he was just about to knock.

"Well, howdy! I was just about t' let you know it's supper time." Dell explained with a happy grin on his face at the sight of you.

Seeing the stout man's smile gave you a small twinge of guilt. You knew he'd be wrecked if he knew about you staying with Spy. You laughed, managing to cover the guilty feeling flaring in your gut.

"I was just about to see what was taking so long."

He clapped a hand on your back as you stepped out of the door, chuckling heartily

"Scout had some trouble cookin' up.. well whatever he was tryin' to make. Said he was makin' macaroni, not real sure how you mess that up."

The two of you made your way to the kitchen, laughing along the way as Engie told you about the time Scout made burgers so bad everyone but Soldier got food poisoning. That old twinge of guilt just got worse as the man joked around with you. That smile of his never faded once.

You really liked Spy, but what about Engie? Doubt twisted your stomach into knots. Despite your internal conflict, you had entered the dining room giggling at the Texan's antics. You could practically feel the jealousy radiating in Spy's glare as the two of you walked in. 

Oh boy.

Usually, you'd sit next to Engie during meals, but this time you picked the seat nearest to Spy. The disappointed look in the Texan's eyes was almost unbearable. Even Spy was caught off guard for once.

The weird vibe between the three of you was quickly disrupted though as Scout and Sniper brought in dinner. From the looks of it, the mac 'n cheese got so messed up they just went and bought fried chicken.

Once they finished setting the buckets out across the table the two men took their seats side by side, the other mercs glancing at each other questioningly.

"C'monnn what's with the look fellas? Dinner's on us, bone apple teeth!" Scout announced. Sniper nudged the Bostonian's side, whispering something into his ear. "Yeah yeah! Bon appetit! Or whatever, jus' eat up already." He added with a grumble.

With that everyone began reaching to get anything they wanted before Soldier could claim all the buckets for himself. He didn't care about the chicken so much, he just really wanted the buckets. It was like his little thing he liked collecting. No one knew why, no one asked.

You grabbed a couple chicken legs for yourself, along with a bag of fries and a can of soda. It was a far cry from what you'd call a healthy meal, but it was guaranteed better than whatever Scout was originally going to serve. 

(Authors note: Even Gordon Ramsey couldn't help this guy get better at cooking. I love Scout, but I also fully believe he'd be complete ass at making food. Do NOT let bro cook. He WILL burn down the kitchen.)

Spy poked at the chicken with a fork, his nose scrunched in a look of disgust. The Frenchman prided himself on his refined palette. Fried chicken from some greasy fast food joint was not on that list by any means. You and the other mercs happily dug in though, Demoman and Scout happily chattering about the day's conquests through mouthfuls of food. 

Despite what most people would think, Heavy had a pretty average portion of food. Soldier on the other hand though, that man ate like a beast, absolutely feral and ripping it apart like he hadn't eaten in days. He'd practically growl if anyone got even an inch too close to the chicken he was tearing through. You were grateful to not be the one sitting next to him for multiple reasons.

Dinner came and went without a hitch, just the usual chaos and a table now covered in greasy crumbs. It was like your nerves were worsening by the second as you glanced at Spy. The man's face was unreadable, his plate untouched, an unlit cigarette hanging from his lips.

" 'Scuse me, are ya gonna eat that?" Engie piped up, gesturing to the man's food.

"Pas du tout. All yours laborer." Spy slid the plate across with a look of distaste.

"Much obliged."

Soldier was the first to leave, his arms full of now empty chicken buckets as he exited with a victorious grin. Demo and Pyro left shortly after him, the two mercs seeming to have plans. You could overhear the Scotsman talking about a new bomb he was working on and the happy mumbles he got from his masked colleague in response as they walked out.

Medic looked dog-tired as he came to take your dishes back to the kitchen. It was his night to wash and he seemed less than happy about it.

"Give me your dishes junge, I'll take care of zem." The doctor commanded, exhaustion seeping into his voice. It must've been a long day, or he and Heavy had done something when you left the medbay.

You were about to hand him your plates when Heavy interfered, sweeping the dirtied ceramic away from you and into his large hands.

"Нет, Doktor is tired. Heavy will do chore. You go rest Да?"

Medic opened his mouth like he was about to disagree, but simply shook his head instead with a soft smile on his face. There was no arguing with the Russian.

"Fine. Danke kuschelbär."

"It is not problem Милый. Sleep good." Heavy went around the table, grabbing everyone's plates along the way.

"And you."

Medic bid goodnight to you and the remaining mercs, groggily walking away to his chambers. Heavy had gone into the kitchen. Engie gave you a small, almost sheepish nod farewell before heading back to his workshop.

Scout and Sniper had already left minutes before, Scout following behind the other man while yapping the sharpshooter's ear off about Tom Jones and Baseball cards. The Aussie hadn't seemed to mind though, a grin across his face as he listened to the younger man's rambles.

It was just you and Spy now, sitting wordlessly as the Frenchman lit his cigarette, the strong scent of tobacco filling the quiet room. The man could practically feel how nervous you were, watching from his peripherals as you shifted awkwardly in your seat.

"If you are uncomfortable you do not have to stay mon cher." The Spy said gently, breaking the silence between the two of you.

"I'm okay. Aren't you hungry? You didn't eat anything."

"Non, I already ate. I made something before Scout had the opportunity to burn the base down."

The awkward energy of the room lifted as you and the merc chatted back and forth, your laughter causing a grin to spread across the other man's face. Spy liked seeing you happy much more than seeing you nervous. 

He knew it was silly, but whenever he felt alone he'd just imagine you smiling by his side. That smile of yours warmed even his coldest nights. He cursed himself for not having the guts to tell how badly he longed for you.

"Spy?" You asked, tilting your head at the man who had fallen silent.

"My apologies, where were we?" His usual air of confidence faltered as he looked back at you. God how he wanted to tuck that bit of hair behind your ear, pull you closer, kiss those lips of yours.

It was unbearable.

"It's all good, I was just rambling. Are you getting tired?"

Spy flipped his wrist, checking his watch before responding. 

"Of you? Never. It is getting late though cher." He stood up, offering a hand to you. "Shall we?"

You blushed, accepting the man's offer. Spy led you down the hall, his leather glove smooth in your hand as you followed beside him.

Chapter Text

The two of you entered Spy's smoking room. It was even nicer than usual in there, the typical smell of tobacco replaced by a relaxing lavender scent and a fire burning lowly in the main rooms hearth. The door clicked shut behind you.

The Frenchman swept you up into his arms in an almost lightning-fast motion, the sudden movement catching you off guard and off balance.

“Wha-”

“Forgive me for the suddenness of this all, but I can’t wait any longer.” He pulled away slightly, looking into your eyes as he spoke. "I must be honest with you, I am in love with you. I could not stop even if I wanted to and I cannot explain why. Your smile lights the darkest parts of my life, every day I wake up wishing you were beside me. It is unbearable mon amour." The Spy admitted. His voice shaky, his gaze never once leaving yours.

You could’ve melted right there in his arms.

“Spy.. I um, I don’t know what to say. I think that’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever said to me. Where do I even start?” You paused, wondering how you could even begin to describe your feelings towards him. “You’re so cool, and classy, and just so.. perfect somehow. I-” 

“what if I mess up, what if he was joking. God I would look so stupid.”

Spy’s face practically screamed that how he felt was the exact opposite of what your thoughts were saying right now. He looked so smitten right now, like you were the most precious thing on Earth to him.

“I love you too.”

You cupped the side of his face in your hand. Your lips mere inches apart as you admired his dark gray eyes softly. It was like a magnet dragging the two of you into a kiss. It was short, but it left you wanting so much more. 

The feeling was mutual.

Spy pulled you in for an even deeper kiss that left both of you breathless, only to go in for another, and another. Biting his bottom lip, allowing you to slide your tongue into his mouth. 

The kiss was almost like a dance. Electricity charging the two of you as you grabbed the lapels of his coat in a desperate attempt to close any distance between you. He wanted you so badly, wanted to make you feel things you had never felt before, but he paced himself.

"You're shaking mon cher." Spy breathlessly pointed out, his voice barely above a whisper.

You hadn't even noticed. Too caught up in him to care about how your body shook in his embrace.

Caressing his cheek with a shaky hand you grinned, taking in how handsome he looked as he stood trying to catch his breath.

"Sorry, I'm a little excited." 

"Oh really?" 

Spy's low voice tickled your ear as he murmured to you seductively. Maybe this was a dream, but you hoped and prayed that it wasn't.

His teeth grazed against your neck gently, testing to see your reaction. You tilted your head back, the sensitive skin vulnerable to him. He bit you softly. Eliciting a quiet moan from you which only encouraged him to bite harder.

“You like that don’t you cher?” He grinned, his breath hot on your neck.

Instead of answering you decided it was your turn to do the neck biting. You pulled up the edge of his balaclava just enough to leave his neck bare, sinking your teeth lightly into the sensitive flesh. A shiver of pleasure ran down the man's back when you pulled away, a mischievous glint in your eyes. 

That was definitely going to leave a mark.

“I could ask you the same thing, cher. ” In all honesty, you had no idea what ‘Cher’ meant. Spy always called you it so it couldn’t be too bad right?

Something just snapped in the French man. He wasn’t sure if it was from the look you were giving him or from having the nickname he gave you used against him, but he was more than ready to rip all your clothes off and take you right now.

“Mon dieu, you really are too handsome for your own good.”

You had no idea how the man moved so fast. Just a second ago you had been standing face to face with him, and now he was carrying you bridal style to a bed covered in rose petals. 

A little cliche? Yeah. Right now though all thoughts had purely been replaced by lust as you clung to the other man’s chest. 

Spy dropped you onto the mattress, pinning you down underneath him as he ravished you in kisses. His hands trailed down your waist, hands stopping at the edge of your shirt.

“May I?”

You nod in response, his hands undoing the buttons of your shirt at a record speed. You could hear the breath hitch in his throat as he caught sight of your scarred chest underneath the soft cotton.

“That’s bound to be a turn-off.” You thought, fumbling to cover whatever you could.

“Shit, sorry. I forgot about those. Let me just-”

“Non don’t apologize.” Spy cut you off, moving your hands away from your scars gently with a look of both curiosity and concern in his eyes. “How long have you had these?”

You flushed as the man's fingers trailed along the ragged lines. “Since I came back. Medic did a pretty good job huh?”

“Oui.” He seemed lost in thought, running his hands along your waist. “They healed nicely. Do they hurt?”

“Sometimes, but it’s not too bad.”

It’s weird how quickly the vibe had changed, but Spy wasn’t about to let that stop him. He kissed your scars, lips trailing along every healed but ragged-looking cut. His hands held your waist tenderly as he made his way from your hips to your chest in which your heart beat rapidly in.

You lifted his face back up to yours, kissing him deeply with your arms wrapped around his neck. Your fingers slipped under Spy’s mask slightly, causing the man to pull away panting as a small look of panic crossed his face.

“Sorry, I should’ve asked.” You apologized, moving your hands away from the cloth.

Spy shook his head. He shot you a hesitant glance but ended up removing the mask himself, allowing you to truly see him for the first time.

He was older, yet that just made him all the more charming. His hair was peppered with bits of white and wrinkles adorned the corners of his eyes, a bit of stubble gracing his sharp jawline. You knew the man was bound to be attractive under his balaclava, but this was almost overwhelming.

“Not what you were expecting?” He asked sheepishly. He hadn’t let anyone see his face in a long, long time.

“No, even better than anything I imagined.” You grinned up at him.

Spy chuckled, leaning back down to kiss you again. You were finally able to tangle your hands into the man’s hair like you had been dreaming of doing, your hands making light work of getting his shirt off as the kiss grew deeper. The two of you pulled away to breathe. Faces flushed and hearts pounding as you smiled at him through half-lidded eyes. 

You ran your hands down the Frenchman's back, fingers resting in the belt loops of his slacks. The man was resting between your legs, his eyes full of admiration for you. The bulge in his pants seemed to tell that there was much more than admiration on his mind right now though.

You tugged the Spy’s waistband suggestively, the seductive gleam in your eyes met by a look of arousal from him.

“Cher, are you-”

“100%. I want you, Spy.”

“How could I resist? Please, call me Pierre my love.”

You pulled him close, lips nearly touching as you spoke to him lowly:

“Then I want you, Pierre.”

He groaned, lust heavy in his voice. “But of course.”

The two of you shed your clothes, leaving each of you bare to the other. Spy double-checked that you were comfortable before continuing. He lined his cock up to your entrance, teasing your wet slit with his tip causing you to squirm with anticipation. 

Though he was as impatient as you, he couldn’t help teasing you a little more. Rubbing his thumb on your clit in small, painfully slow circles, encouraging the small whimpers that escaped from your lips.

“Spy please.” You whined, grinding against his hand for some relief.

“Ah, that's not my name cher. Please what?” He coaxed.

“Pierre please..” You panted as the other man sped up his teasing against your core “Please fuck me.”

“Gladly.”

He slid into you with ease, your entrance already slick with arousal as he hilted inside you. It already felt way too good, the walls of your core already beginning to tighten around him as your fingers clung to his back.

“It’s okay cher, breathe for me.” He waited for you to relax before setting a rhythmic pace. “Good boy. You’re taking it well.”

His praise sent shivers down your spine, trying to calm down before you got too excited and finished before things even started. Spy thrust into you slowly, mostly being careful to not make you uncomfortable but also to figure out where your sweet spots were.

You tried grinding against him in an attempt to speed things up, but that backfired when Spy stopped moving entirely.

“Shit.. c’mon, please? Go faster?” You whined, desperate for him to move again.

Luckily he was feeling merciful (or just too horny to hold back) and decided to fulfill your wishes. That sweet, slow pace from before was gone as the man began pounding into you ruthlessly. It was like your brain turned into mush, unable to form a single coherent thought as Spy abused your g-spot.

He didn’t just want you, he needed you. Needed to feel every inch of you, kiss every part, make you feel as handsome as you looked right now. To Spy you were like a masterpiece, along with your moans that were a symphony that he just couldn’t get enough of.

You swore you could see stars in the corners of your vision, pleasure rapidly building up in your core. Your legs shook as you tethered dangerously close to the edge. Spy was getting close too, his thrusts growing harder and more desperate, lewd sounds of skin against skin filling the room.

He leaned down to kiss you, a still-gloved hand reaching between your thighs. He rubbed his thumb on your swollen clit in time with his thrusts. The extra stimulation making your back arch and eyes roll as your body crashes into its orgasm. Loud moans spewed out of your mouth, too euphoric to even care if the other mercs heard you.

You dug your fingers into Spy’s back as he chased his own orgasm, finishing shortly after you with a groan, murmuring sweet nothings in a language you couldn’t understand.

“Mon dieu.. You feel too good cher.” He whispered, his voice content as he pulled out of you.

“That’s a lot coming from you.” 

Spy simply shook his head, a grin on his face. Exhaustion was starting to get the best of him so he nestled his face into the crook of your neck. He turned to lie down next to you, pulling you into a spooning position with an arm gently holding you close. Too tired and comfy to bother with cleaning up, you fell asleep in the Frenchman’s embrace. 

“Goodnight amour, sleep tight.”

Chapter Text

"I wonder what would've happened if I had just.. stayed dead. You know? Maybe things would be better that way." You thought outloud to him.

Spy shook his head, holding your hands in his as he spoke. "Non, it would be worse. Much worse. If you were not alive I would not be here now. If you were truly gone, I would see no reason to get out of bed mon cher. You are so much more than you know."

He pulled you closer, kissing dancing up your arms, up to the crook of your neck where he nestled his face. Passion seemed to live on his lips, sparks of longing coming to life as you sat in his lap. The man pulled away, admiring how the dim light of the room played in your teary eyes. 

Spy felt he could sit like this for hours. Showering you in attention, giving you all the love he knew you deserved, kissing away every tear. He never thought it'd be possible for him to love like this again, yet here you are. 

In his eyes you were the definition of perfection.

"Worse huh? You really think so?" Despite your efforts to hide it doubt still crept into your voice.

"I know so amour." Spy reassured, tenderly kissing the sensitive skin of your neck. The sensation sent pleasant shivers down your spine. The warmth of his lips melting away every fear and doubt.

Chapter Text

You swore you could see stars in the corners of your vision, pleasure rapidly building up in your core. Your legs shook as you tethered dangerously close to the edge. Despite Spy being the one plowing you into the mattress, a vision of the Engineer being in his place crossed your mind.

You tried to shake the idea off.

A gloved hand reached between your shaking thighs, Spy's thumb rubbing against your swollen clit. The extra stimulation was driving you crazy yet the only thing you could think of was Engie.

How he'd feel inside of you, what his heavy breathing would sound like, his accent thick and broken as he made love to you. Just the thought of seeing the Texan disheveled like that was intoxicating.

Dell-

Your orgasm crashed over you like a wave of pleasure rolling through your body, fingers digging into Spy's back as he came in you.

The two of you laid there like a sweaty and breathless heap. The Frenchman pulled away, his legs shaky as he stood up. He removed his gloves, throwing them onto the pile of discarded clothes. Spy wordlessly lit a cigarette as he moved to sit at the edge of his bed.

You were still coming down from your high when the man finally spoke.

"You will sleep on the couch while you stay here." His voice was cold, a nervous shiver trailing down your spine.

"Wha? Is everything okay?"

"Not at all." He paused, taking a long drag from his cigarette. Smoke poured from his mouth when he continued, "That name you moaned, it was not mine."

Your face paled, you didn't remember moaning anyone's name. What was he-

Oh. Oh no. 

The memory hit you harder than a truck, you had said Engie's name out loud.

"Spy I am so, so sorry."

"It does not matter. While I wanted more from you, more for us, I see where your attention truly lies." Spy turned to face you, his gray eyes clouded with restrained tears. "Now if you would be so kind,"  he choked out "I would like to get some rest."

The look he gave you was heartbreaking.

You nodded, shakily getting off the bed. Avoiding even looking at the man as you retrieved your clothes, stumbling over to the couch with your head hung in shame. Why was he still letting you stay despite what you had done?

This was going to be a rough weekend.

Chapter Text

Hey guys! It’s been a few months, sorry about that. Luckily I’ve finally finished/started some chapters! I plan on releasing a couple chapters this month. Hopefully I'll have this story finished by January or February so I can start on some other projects.

Now! About this next chapter/chapter you’re about to read. It happens in an alternate timeline: all events Pre-Spy dedicated chapters still happened, however instead of The Secretary (y/n) going to take a shower (chapter 14), they go to the bases pool hall to let loose. They let loose a little too much though and that leads ya’ll to the beginning of the chapter.

I haven’t updated in so long because school started (and writers block) but I should be somewhat back/working on this fic again. I’ll try to update more often, I feel bad for ditching ya’ll.

Also I’ve realized that because I used write and format this story on my laptop it looks wildly different on mobile. I’m so sorry to everyone that sees these big blocks of text instead of the original version I made, I didn’t even think of how it’d look on a phone /gen 

I've lowkey been going through and editing old chapters so there may be some slight (non-story altering, just changed wording/fixed dialogue flow) differences from the original posts

With all of that out of the way, I’d like to thank ya’ll for coming back to (or for starting) to read this story. It’s taken way longer to update than I wanted, but I hope these next chapters were worth the wait. Thank you all again for the support and happy reading!

Chapter Text

The blaring lights of the hallway hurt your eyes as you clumsily stumbled through the base, a half-empty bottle of scrumpy in hand. You had been hanging out in the poolhall with Demoman and Scout, but now you found yourself lost as your drunken vision contorted the area around you into an endless loop. 

What a way to spend the weekend.

You had been trying to forget something, but you couldn’t remember what. Looks like everything went according to plan right? Wrong. 

Your head spun as you clutched your stomach, the need to throw up growing worse by the second. There wasn’t a bathroom in sight though. It felt like the beige walls of the hallway just kept stretching on eternally. Fear started to crawl down your spine. Considering that at any time a professionally trained killer could randomly walk in from around the corner, it wasn’t an irrational fear either.

Speaking of professionally trained killers, you felt a firm gloved hand come to rest on your shoulder. The sensation sent a shock of panic through you, turning around with eyes as wide as saucers. A familiar face greeted your frantic gaze. The bright yellow hard-hat, those signature blue overalls, that calming accent. 

Here was the Engineer, once again showing up exactly when you needed him to.

“Well now, don’t you look greener than a pickle. Reckon you had a bit to much to drink huh pardner?” His tone was friendly, but his expression was one full of concern.

You tried replying normally yet all that came out was some unintelligible slurred speech. After that you just settled for a weak nod before leaning against him tipsily for support. He patted your hair gently, an arm settling around your waist as he carefully guided you towards the bathroom.

“Now now, you'll be just fine. I got you.” He comforted you, pushing a stall door open.

You bent over the toilet, hair held back by the Texan as whatever you had for lunch earlier hurled out of your throat. The noises your lungs made as you heaved sounded far from human. 

When your stomach had finally emptied you sat down on the cold, tile floor. It was disgusting in there but you couldn’t care less as your chest rose and fell rapidly, struggling to catch your breath. Engineer stayed by your side the whole time, sitting next to you on those old stained floors as he rubbed your back gently.

“Feelin’ better?”

“Fuck no.” Your voice sounded thick as you spoke, the slurred response met with a light chuckle from the Texan. “What’s so funny?”

Engie shook his head before going to grab a piece of toilet paper, gently wiping your face. “Don’t you worry about it, we best get you cleaned up. Can ya’ stand?”

He helped you stay stable as you lifted up off your feet, legs threatening to give out but you made it to the sink regardless. Your reflection was pale in the mirror, a tear-streaked and snot-dripping face meeting your blurred eyes.

“Oh god..” You groaned. Way to embarrass yourself champ.

“Now don’t look at yourself just yet pardner, focus on me ya’ hear?” The Enginneer managed to redirect your attention to him, forcing you to not look back at the mirror. “I reckon you’ve had one hell of a night huh?”

“You could say that again.”

You prayed this hell of a night would end soon, or at least happily.

Engie held onto you as he guided you back into the hall. The turns you took weren’t the ones that led to your room, but you were too out of it to even pay attention. You were basically a limp body that the Texan felt inclined to take care of for the night.

This wasn’t so bad. Your companion was strong and not drunk, you were the opposite at this point. Talk about teamwork.

You didn’t even have to walk, Engie was just carrying you at this point. Those big arms of his could probably snap you in half, luckily he had no plans on doing that. In your drunken stupor you couldn't help but wonder what all those arms could do.

“It’d probably feel great getting pinned down by him..” Your mind wandered around that idea as he carried you down the hall.

The Enginneer stopped in his tracks, taking your face into one hand as his eyes quickly scanned across your body. He released your face but his eyes stayed on you as he spoke.

“You’re gonna be just fine, don’t you worry your pretty lil head.”

You had no idea what he was saying, but he looked really hot so you just grinned and nodded along. The fact that you couldn’t understand was not the best sign, but the dull buzzing in your skull made it hard to care.

Eventually you landed on something soft. You weren’t sure what but you fell asleep before you could figure it out. Gentle touches grazed across you as you began to snore quietly, the warmth of a blanket covering your body shortly afterwards.

"Sweet dreams, darlin."

Chapter Text

The shed.

It was dark. The metallic scent of blood lingered heavily in the air. Breathing felt impossible, as if invisible hands were wringing your neck

You could hear the stomping boots outside. You knew what fate was awaiting you but all you could do was wait.

Wating.

Waiting...

Waiting.....

“C’mon, any second now..”

The door never broke down, the Soldier hadn’t snapped your lungs yet You were trapped there. Suffocated by anticipation.

Time seemed to tick by endlessly as you lay paralyzed. Where was he? Why weren’t you dead yet?

A voice whispered nothings to you from the darkest corner of the room.

“Hello?” Your voice sounded muffled as you called out, as though it wasn’t connected to your body.

“Gotcha’ now, Cupcake!”

The voice sprung from the corner, a heavy weight pinning you down.

Teeth filled with holes, the blood stained hands, his helmet covered in scratches, Soldier.

“FUCK!”

You kicked him in the gut, simultaneously landing a blow on his jaw which caused it to bleed. With that, gray mist filled the air, taking your sight out of commission.

Not mist, smoke. 

The kind of smoke that intertwined between bodies. The kind that followed death.

Spy’s smoke.

The masked Frenchman slowly came into view but things were far from over. 

His eyes were all white, blanked out with rage. his mouth hung open to where it seemed his jaw was no longer connected. Terror shot through your spine at the sight of the man.

“This isn’t how it goes, this was never supposed to be how it goes, why-”

He tackled you, forcing you beneath him. His balisong was held in a death grip as he swung at you ruthlessly.

One cut, two cuts, three, four, the number of cuts only increased, the gashes ripping open across your skin painting the two of you red as you struggled to get away.

“You should've stayed with me, Cher.”

---------------------

You woke up in a cold sweat, tears fogged up your eyes yet refused to fall.

“Goddamnit.” You cursed under your breath, reaching a hand out to your bedstand only to find yourself swiping at air. 

This was not your room. The walls were a faded yellow color, the blanket covering you was a quilt you had never seen in your life, and there was a large poster of a robotic cowboy hanging over your head. It would be easy to guess who’s room you were in, but the panging ache in your head stopped just about any thoughts from forming as you pulled yourself out of bed.

You stumbled clumsily to the rooms open door only to be met by the sight of a bright yellow hard hat heading straight towards you.

“Well howdy!” The Engineer grinned up at you, “Reckon I’d come check on you, but it looks like you’re already up and running huh pardner?”

“Barely.” You replied with a groan. “What happened?”

“I was hopin’ you could tell me.” He chuckled, leading you into his workshop before offering up a chair “I was justa ‘bout to start up some breakfast. You hankerin’ for anything?”

“Got anything good for a hangover?”

“You betcha’ hun.”

You watched silently as he cooked up eggs and toast, coffee starting to brew in some sort of modified electric teapot. Where he got the idea for any of his inventions was beyond you. It was honestly impressive, he could take your everyday appliance and turn it into a weapon of war. Luckily he kept those weapons safely locked up. Who knows what Scout would get up to if he stumbled across one of Engie’s many untested creations.

Engineer seemed hesitant, like he was choosing his next words carefully as he set a warm plate of food in front of you. “Y’know uh.. If you ever need an ear to talk to I’m here for ya pardner. You were real roughed up last night.”

You gratefully took a bite of the eggs he had prepared, swallowing before you replied. “Thank you. I really appreciate it. Uh, the food and your help.”

“It’s nothin’. I’m more than happy to lend a hand, or a shoulder to cry on if that’s what ya’ need.”

The two of you finished eating together as you struggled to remember what all went down last night. Engie explained how he had found you lost in the hallway but didn’t know much more than that. Guess the occurrences of the night before would remain a mystery for now.

You peered out the window to see the sun setting in the distance. It didn’t register at first but when it did you were quick to panic.

“Engie, what time is it?”

The man lazily checked his watch, almost like he was teasing you before he replied 

“Roughly ‘round 6:30, why?”

You groaned at his response. “And what day is it?”

“Sunday to be exact.”

Goddamnit. You wanted to melt right out of your chair and through the cracks in the floor.

“I slept for nearly all day?! Why didn’t you wake me up?”

“I reckoned you needed all the rest you could get. Ain’t nothin’ wrong with that.” He seemed both confused and entertained by your reaction, watching as your head sunk into your hands with embarrassment.

“My last day off before work and I slept right through it. Great.”

“Well now, at least you’ll be rested.” At least now Engie wasn’t confused. “Besides, you just get to nuzzle all up in your comfy lil office. It ain’t so bad is it?”

The look you shot him said yes, it was so bad. It was one of the most boring jobs on the planet. You’d rather be out on battle-field cleaning duty than have to sift through the countless arrest warrants sent for the mercs all day.

“Welp. If you’re gonna pout about it, why don’t we turn that frown upside down.You ever play a game called marbles?” The Engineer stood up from his seat with a playful grin.

“That game where you try to knock the other persons marbles out of a circle? Yeah, I know it.”

The man looked at you with his brows furrowed, obviously confused. There seemed to be some kind of misunderstanding here. Engie pulled open a drawer, procuring a wooden hexagon with multiple holes drilled into it along with a bag of multicolored marbles.

“I reckon we’re thinkin’ of two very different games pardner. You see this here board? It’s not just any board, it’s a battle-field.” He seemed to be very proud of this board, though you were sure that the game played on it wasn’t just called “marbles”.

“You mean ‘Aggravation’?” You asked, gesturing to the board which he had set on the table.

“Well, whatever it is that’s what we’re playin’. Unless you’re too chicken to go against me?” Engie teased as he placed the marbles in their designated spots.

“Me? Chicken? What kinda guy do you take me for?” You retorted with a grin.

The two of you kept this exchange of playful banter up for six games, nearly going for a seventh till you realized just how late it had gotten. Turns out time does fly when you’re having fun, and boy were you two soaring. You hadn’t smiled this much in months. Neither had your opponent, though he wouldn’t fully admit it.

“Looks like we’re tied, 3 to 3 pardner. Do ya’ think we should keep goin’ or call it a night?”

The last thing you wanted to do was stop but you were exhausted. One last round wouldn’t hurt right?

---------------------------

You woke up to light tapping on your shoulder, the bleak interior of the bases office greeting you as your bleary eyes came into focus.

“Pardner? You doin’ alright?” Engineer stood over you with a coffee in hand, a tone of concern in his voice.

“Yeah, there’s just a lot of paperwork to get done. Guess I dozed off.” A yawn escaped as you stretched in your office chair, rubbing your eyes sleepily afterwards.

“Ain’t nothin’ wrong with takin’ break.”

“Don’t act like you didn't keep me up all night with your board game.”

That earned a hearty chuckle from him. Engie’s crooked smile was enough to make your knees weak, luckily you were seated or you would’ve toppled over by now.  

“Well, I reckon you might be onto something mister. Just don’t push yourself too hard ya hear?”

“I’ll try, but no promises.”

Engie made small talk with you as you sorted through the countless bills and files that had been collecting dust for months now. The man proved to be wonderful company, helping with whatever he could all while making you laugh. A part of you wished it was always like this, just you and the Texan hanging out together.

Sadly the moment was broken as Spy strolled in with even more files in hand.

“Bonjour mon cher, Madame Pauling sent me to give you these papers.” He side-eyed Engie with an icy glare as he placed the folders onto your desk, “That is all. If you’ll excuse me, I have matters of higher importance to attend to.”

“Thanks? See you later then.” You replied awkwardly. The rooms air had grown weirdly tense.

“Labourer.” Spy added, nodding to Engineer. His typical greeting towards his coworker was colder than usual.

“Frenchie.”

With an annoyed huff, the Frenchman activated his cloak and vanished into thin air. Gone just as quickly as he had arrived.

“Welp,” Engie slapped his knees, standing up with a small groan “I reckon I best get back to work too. You take it easy now, don’t want ya workin’ yourself to death in ‘ere.”

“Oh.. yeah. I promise I won’t work too hard. See you later, Dell.”

Your use of his real name made him smile as he tipped his hat to you, stepping out the door. Leaving you alone with the manilla folders stacked around your desk.

Chapter Text

By now a couple weeks of office work had passed, and god you just wished that time would hurry up already.

It felt as though you had been filing papers for 20 years. Granted you didn't spend the whole day in that dust-filled room, but it often seemed like you did. You wondered if Pauling was ever stuck in here during her days as an intern. Maybe it was way back when she was new to the field, unaware of the metric tons of work and sleepless nights ahead of her. These days she's a professional, one that you hoped to be as experienced as someday.

Today was not that day though, or rather tonight wasn't.

You groggily sorted through files as the numbers on the clock turned to one. You should've been in bed at least 2 hours ago, but the mercs (specifically Scout, Demo, and Pyro) had been getting into mischief around town. Leaving you with even more legal papers than usual landing in your hands.

Awesome.

If it didn't result in a direct cut from your pay, you would've wrung each of their necks by now. 

With a sigh, you opened the next file cabinet down. Medic was out of town with Heavy for a “mission”, and Demoman had somehow shoved a bottle of Scrumpy up his ass to a point where it needed to be surgically removed. He was in the hospital now, all you needed was to find the man's social security number, birth certificate, anything showing he legally exists. 

So far there were a few receipts from liquor stores and a cracked, illegible I.D. from 6 years ago. Neither proved to be enough evidence of having insurance for the doctors.

The office radio crackled some foreign tune as you filed through folders. Whatever language the musicians sang in was unfamiliar to you, but it had a good beat. You got up from the floor, dusting off your knees as you decided to take a small break. Empty room, some good music, nobody around. What’s to stop you from having a little dance party?

Admittedly, you weren’t the best dancer, but swaying along to the distorted tune was oddly soothing. Work had been extra demanding for the past week so it was nice to take this little moment to yourself.

Dust swirled around the room as you spun blissfully. You closed your eyes, only to open them once more and be welcomed by the sight of Engie, who was leaning against the doorway with a grin.

“Well howdy!”

While the sight of the man was definitely not unwelcome, it was enough to cause a bright red blush to burn across your face. You came to a halt mid-sway.

“Dell? What are you doing here so late?”

“I could ask you the same darlin.” The Engineer teased. “A bit late to be workin’ isn’t it? Though looks to me like you're havin’ more of a party back ‘ere.”

“You’re one to talk about working late. I got some papers I need to find, unfortunately that’s not going so well.” You paused, taking a seat in front of the rusty file cabinet once more “What brings you here though?”

“Well, I figured I’d take a break from working myself. I noticed y'all's light on and reckoned I’d stop an’ visit. If that’s alright of course, wouldn’t wanna intrude.”

“Luckily for you, there’s not much to interrupt. I could use some company.” You invited him to sit next to you, which he gladly did. 

Unsettled dust lazily floated through the air as you and your companion caught up. It'd been a while since you'd actually gotten to talk to someone outside of the office so it was a nice break. He helped you look through file after file, eventually landing on a promising looking insurance card.

“This what your fishin’ for?” The Engineer asked, handing you the beaten but still legible piece of plastic.

You looked over it, confirming that it belonged to the Demoman. It was old and close to expiration but it should do the trick. The edges of the card seemed to be chewed on though, hopefully the hospital wouldn't care too much.

“It'll do the trick, where'd you find it?”

Engie pulled out a old mints container covered in unicorn stickers. You could only guess Pryo had broke into the office and decided put their free time to good (?) use.

“Well alrighty then! I should probably put these cards somewhere a little easier to find.” With a chuckle you took the bedazzled tin from the man.

Where to put it though?

You surveilled the room. There were plenty of cabinets, shelves and what not, however a small glint in the corner caught your eye.

“Ah, perfect!” You exclaimed. Though it was dusty and had a spiders web across it, there was a small, unused safe hidden in the corner. “What do you think Dell? Could you figure out the code for me?”

“Well, I certainly can try.” Engie grunted slightly as he came up on his feet, dusting his knees off as he approached the safe.

The man looked at the metal box closely. He blew the dust off of it, pressing his ear against the safes door as he slowly spun the digits in the lock.

With a resounding click the door unlocked, revealing the bare inside, except for a single sheet of paper.

“Now what's this?” He pulled the page out, reading over it. A grin spread across his face when he turned to you. “You ought to read this partner.”

You held the page carefully as you read it's content. It was the very real birth certificate of Scout, displaying the Spys “name” on the part labeled as his father.

“No way..” You would've never guessed that the sophisticated Frenchman had a hand in creating someone like Scout.

“Now ain't that a funny lil secret. Think we should tell ol’ Jeremy about it?” He mused, practically glowing with the excitement of his discovery.

“I think we'd wake up with a bassinet in our backs.” You shook your head, carefully setting aside the certificate. “Besides, Scout thinks Tom Jones is his dad. There'd be no point in trying to tell him some cigarette addict back stabber is his real old man. It'd probably ruin the poor kid.”

The Engineer shrugged, agreeing with you. “That's a fair point there partner. I wouldn't be awful pleased to hear that either if I was him.”

You exchanged glaces, contained laughs threatened to escape. Resistance was futile though as the two of you broke out in a fit of laughter.

“Spy? Scouts dad?! There's no way!” You snorted.

“They say the apple don't fall far from the tree, but compared to his daddy Scout might as well be a coconut!” Engie added, his eyes welling up with tears.

The two of you went on like this for a good five minutes, foing back and forth on how wild the very idea of it all was. Eventually you managed to reel back in, placing the tin with the teams insurance into the now fully emptied safe.

“Well, we got Demo's card. I just gotta bring it to the hospital tomorrow morning, you got any plans for the rest of the night?”

—----------------------------------------------

The night breeze ruffled your hair playfully as you rested your head on the Engineers shoulder. It's not how you expected the night to go, but you had zero complaints as the two of you sat on the base's roof.

You hadn't seen the stars in what felt like forever. It was almost like seeing them for the first time, those far off twinkling lights.

“Beautiful ain't it?” Engie breathed. His words turned to mist in the chilly air, carrying away in the gentle wind.

“It's amazing, I forgot how easy to see the stars it is out here.. like we're seeing entire galaxies right now.” Your eyes wandered from the star filled skies to the man next to you. He seemed content, as though he was perfectly at peace in your little world.

Your eyes lingered on his lips.

They looked so kissable it could drive you crazy.

“Thanks for bringing me out here Engie. It's good to finally get some fresh air for once.” You pulled your gaze away, kicking your legs nervously.

“It's nothing partner, I reckon you get tired from the same ol’ sights all day.” His hand brushed against the small of your back, a blush threatening to cross your face. “There’s an awful lotta dust in that office. I dunno how y'all stand it.”

“Honestly? Me neither. I need to get out more often.”

“Well, just let me know when you're tired of it and I'll happily escort ya outta base. Course it'd have to be our lil secret. Admin probably wouldn't be too pleased ‘bout you leavin.” Engie chuckled, your cheek pressed on his shoulder.

“Oh yeah. That'd probably be an immediate job termination.. but an excuse to hang out with you. I've always loved to take a gamble, maybe get fired, as long as I'm with you it's worth it.”

“Shucks, it almost sounds like you're fond of lil ol’ me partner.” He teased. That wide grin of his made your poor knees weak, even while seated.

You pulled away, sitting up to face him.

“Maybe I am fond of you. What then?” It felt like all the blood drained from your body and rushed to your face instead as you waited for his answer.

The Engineer seemed almost surprised, as if his eyes were scanning you for any sign of sarcasm or teasing. He almost couldn't believe it. There's no way you weren't joking right? Why would you want him?

“I uh.. then I reckon I'd have to admit I'm awful fond of you too.” His voice was meek, practically mumbling as his cheeks turned pink. 

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. Hell.. I think I love ya.”

“I love you too, Dell.”

Your lips were on his in seconds, his hand snaking into your hair as the two of you embraced, your faces warm in stark comparison to the cold breeze outside.

It felt oh so right. Like something you'd been waiting to do since forever.

Pulling away felt like a crime, your eyes not leaving his even once as you panted. God he was so pretty. You pulled back his goggles, Engies baby blue eyes practically shining just as brightly as the stars.

“I've wanted to do that for so long.” You admitted.

“Why didn't you do it sooner darlin?” Engies metallic hand held yours, the digits of the gunslinger fitting between your fingers perfectly somehow.

“I was scared. I mean, I'm a man.. basically.. and you're a man. I didn't know if you swung that way.”

“Partner, I'd swing in any direction for you.”

You burst into giggles, burying your face on his chest. “I feel so dumb now.”

“It happens to the best of us.” Engie laughed, pulling your head back up “Now what?”

Your eyes met his, practically melting in his gaze. 

“Now? I think we should stay up here. Just you and me until the sun comes up, deal with the consequences later. No one has to know, no one gets in trouble, sound good?” You asked, face burning red from blushing.

“You had me at ‘just you and me’ darlin.”

Engie held you close, kissing all over your face tenderly.

Nothing passed between you besides giggles and playful banter, carefree in your own bubble of time.

“I love you so much.”

“I love you even more.”

Chapter Text

The two of you chatted as you rifled through files mindlessly. Engie told you about the project he was working on. It was going to be a new variation of the respawn machine. He was hoping to make it so that not only would it be faster, but would respawn anyone wearing what he called a “Bracelet of Undyin” regardless of time or position.

“Now I know it sounds impossible, but I’m gon’ figure it out.” His voice rung with determination as he spoke “After that time you died well.. I wondered if there was a way to prevent somethin’ like that. It’s a risk but hell if it works, it’d be revolutionizin’. Imagine what we could do with that! The lives it’d save. It’s more than worth a shot.” 

Knowing how hard Engineer worked on his projects, he’d be going at it till the bracelets worked perfectly. It was a bit flattering to know that your unfortunate death had inspired him (Though it wasn’t exactly a good thing).

“Don’t forget you happen to be the smartest guy we got out here. If anyone could pull this off I know it’d be you, Dell.” You added

“Well shucks..” A pink blush spread across Engie’s face. He couldn’t hide the smile that had grown on his face even if he wanted to. “I reckon I am huh?”

The two of you sat in comfortable silence after that. As you worked you’d steal glances at your companion who was more than happy to look right back at you, a silly grin on his face.

You wondered what kissing Engie would be like. Your eyes may have lingered on his lips a bit longer than normal.

“See somethin’ you like pardner?” He teased, a playful grin on his face.

"It's uh.. just a little warm in here." You looked away bashfully. He could totally tell what you were thinking of couldn't he? The Engineer was too clever to not catch on anyways.

Chapter Text

Spy was known to be cunning, a backstabbing killer with eyes just as sharp as the knife he works with. A man who could act sweeter than a lover then steal your intel all in the same breath. He was a murderer, quick and efficient. 

It was more than just work for him, it was a game. The thrill of the chase was a joy to him that was unparalleled. Nothing would ever change that, and yet.. something felt different.

He strolled into the base as his coworkers rambled on about work, Scout and Soldier being particularly loud as they shouted about their “victories”. If he could kill without consequence, those two would've been gone long ago. Instead he had to settle for glaring at the unruly two.

His eyes pulled away from the loud pair, his gaze landing on you. You were talking to a very drunk and very bloody Demoman.

“Disgusting.” Spy thought to himself. The idea of you paying any sort of attention to the drunkard was one that made him incredibly irritated, though he couldn't explain why.

For a second your eyes met with him, a small smile on your face. It felt like a burning arrow through the Spy's frozen heart. He nodded back, slipping his hands into his pockets. The man turned into the hallway as he realized he had forgotten to give you the gift he bought the other day.

“Sacre blu..” He pinched his brows in frustration. Whenever he saw you his memory seemed to just blank out entirely. Perhaps you were some kind of magical being, cursing him to act a fool whenever he came near.

Spy cloaked, smoke enveloping his form and hiding him in the shadows. It was silly but he wasn't sure if he wanted you to see him just yet.

He snuck into the common room, getting closer to the couch where you sat with every silent step. His heart was racing he worried his heartbeat would reveal him. 

You looked as handsome as always. He often wondered if the heavens were missing an angel, since someone like you was simply too perfect to be human.

His legs were shaky as he carefully sat next to you, watching as you practically jumped out of your seat. He couldn't help but chuckle as he saw the realization hit your face. His cloak wore off, suppressing a grin when you frowned at him.

“At ease mon cher.” Spy chuckled, inviting you to come back to the couch. 

Your curt response was a little colder than how he wished you'd react, but it was understandable he supposed. Though you had were plenty curious to see what he had brought after he mentioned it. “He makes such a cute face when curious” Spy mused to himself, lighting a cigarette as you returned to your seat. 

Spy observed every movement, every change in your expression, even the very way your posture shifted around him while he took a drag of his cigarette.

“What'd you find?” You asked, tilting your head. God that little head tilt could be the death of him if his wits were to drop. If the man were to try and speak his voice would most likely waver, so he opted for silence instead as he took your right hand. He dropped the shining silver into your palm, desperately trying to maintain his composure.

No man had ever made the Spy feel as though he may unravel in the others very gaze.

“I know you like your little trinkets.” The Frenchman spoke in a toned of forced casualty “Consider it a thank you.”

He patted your shoulder, quickly making his escape before he fell apart. His brain felt like it was in some kind of blissful fog. No living man should have the power to leave him feeling intoxicated like this.

Merde.

Spy mentally thanked his balaclava for hiding the raging blush on his face.

He didn't know what is was about you that was driving him to this point. You had barely been in the base for a week and yet! 

Spy shook his head. He knew exactly what he needed to do: he had to distance and distract himself before it was too late.

Easier said than done, as always.

Chapter Text

Spy was known to be cunning, a backstabbing killer with eyes just as sharp as the knife he works with. A man who could act sweeter than a lover then steal your intel all in the same breath. He was a murderer, quick and efficient. 

It was more than just work for him, it was a game. The thrill of the chase was a joy to him that was unparalleled. Nothing would ever change that, and yet.. something felt different.

He strolled into the base as his coworkers rambled on about work, Scout and Soldier being particularly loud as they shouted about their “victories”. If he could kill without consequence, those two would've been gone long ago. Instead he had to settle for glaring at the unruly two.

His eyes pulled away from the loud pair, his gaze landing on you. You were talking to a very drunk and very bloody Demoman.

“Disgusting.” Spy thought to himself. The idea of you paying any sort of attention to the drunkard was one that made him incredibly irritated, though he couldn't explain why.

For a second your eyes met with him, a small smile on your face. It felt like a burning arrow through the Spy's frozen heart. He nodded back, slipping his hands into his pockets. The man turned into the hallway as he realized he had forgotten to give you the gift he bought the other day.

“Sacre blu..” He pinched his brows in frustration. Whenever he saw you his memory seemed to just blank out entirely. Perhaps you were some kind of magical being, cursing him to act a fool whenever he came near.

Spy cloaked, smoke enveloping his form and hiding him in the shadows. It was silly but he wasn't sure if he wanted you to see him just yet.

He snuck into the common room, getting closer to the couch where you sat with every silent step. His heart was racing he worried his heartbeat would reveal him. 

You looked as handsome as always. He often wondered if the heavens were missing an angel, since someone like you was simply too perfect to be human.

His legs were shaky as he carefully sat next to you, watching as you practically jumped out of your seat. He couldn't help but chuckle as he saw the realization hit your face. His cloak wore off, suppressing a grin when you frowned at him.

“At ease mon cher.” Spy chuckled, inviting you to come back to the couch. 

Your curt response was a little colder than how he wished you'd react, but it was understandable he supposed. Though you had were plenty curious to see what he had brought after he mentioned it. “He makes such a cute face when curious” Spy mused to himself, lighting a cigarette as you returned to your seat. 

Spy observed every movement, every change in your expression, even the very way your posture shifted around him while he took a drag of his cigarette.

“What'd you find?” You asked, tilting your head. God that little head tilt could be the death of him if his wits were to drop. If the man were to try and speak his voice would most likely waver, so he opted for silence instead as he took your right hand. He dropped the shining silver into your palm, desperately trying to maintain his composure.

No man had ever made the Spy feel as though he may unravel in the others very gaze.

“I know you like your little trinkets.” The Frenchman spoke in a toned of forced casualty “Consider it a thank you.”

He patted your shoulder, quickly making his escape before he fell apart. His brain felt like it was in some kind of blissful fog. No living man should have the power to leave him feeling intoxicated like this.

Merde.

Spy mentally thanked his balaclava for hiding the raging blush on his face.

He didn't know what is was about you that was driving him to this point. You had barely been in the base for a week and yet! 

Spy shook his head. He knew exactly what he needed to do: he had to distance and distract himself before it was too late.

Easier said than done, as always.