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English
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Published:
2024-06-12
Updated:
2025-11-10
Words:
2,848
Chapters:
15/?
Comments:
313
Kudos:
216
Bookmarks:
4
Hits:
2,665

navy's a bitch

Summary:

um

group chat ig? love the title tho :D

 

VERY SLOW UPDATES

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Chapter 1: Green wtf

Chapter Text

GreenStickFigure created navy's a bitch <3!

GreenStickFigure added 5 people!

GreenStickFigure changed their name to greengrape!

 

navy's a bitch <3

 

greengrape: as the admin of this wonderfully created group chat it is my duty to-

TheSecondComing: fuck you i was sleeping

greengrape: excuse me

RedStickFigure: Hey guys! Nice group chat and everything, but we're right next to each other! We don't need a group chat 😅

greengrape: oh no the emojis

BlueStickFigure: What's going on

YellowStickFigure: Gree, please explain as to why we have an unnecessary group chat? 

greengrape: yes

TheSecondComing: what

PurpleStickFigure: Hi guys!

greengrape: PURPLE HI

BlueStickFigure: Hiii

RedStickFigure: (❁´◡`❁)

greengrape: oh no not the kaomojis

YellowStickFigure: Hello, Purple! How are you doing? 😊

greengrape: stop texting like a damn grandpa yels

greengrape: btw i got nicknames for u

greengrape changed TheSecondComing to basketball hoop!

greengrape changed BlueStickFigure to blueberry!

greengrape changed YellowStickFigure to nerd!

basketall hoop: green i will kill you

blueberry: awwww this is so cute thx green!!

nerd: Green! I'm not a nerd!

RedStickFigure: Can my name be changed to "roobin!!"? Thank you!!

greengrape changed Red StickFigure to roobin!!!

roobin!!: Yayy!!

greengrape changed PurpleStickFigure to purplegrape!

purplegrape: aw we match! tysm!

greengrape: yeah no prob <3

basketball hoop: HEY WHY DO THEY HAVE A CUTE NAME WHILE I'M BASKETBALL HOOP?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?????????!?!????!?

greengrape: easy. they're my favourite

basketball hoop: we have known each other for 8 years i'm your best friend

greengrape: they were the only one who helped me heal after the concert while you and the others just stood there mocked me, Second. 

basketball hoop: ...oh. we're sorry. 

greengrape: wtv idc abt that anymore. you guys did your damage 

 

purplegrape added 1 person!

 

 

KingOrange: Excuse me, but where am I? Is this a group chat? Purple, who are these people? 

purplegrape: hi dad

greengrape: OLD MAN?!?!?!?! WHY'RE YOU HERE?!

Chapter 2: mango joins hell

Summary:

mango is understandably confused and purple has to explain oh and also fluff yay don't ask me, i have no idea what i'm doing

Notes:

uhhhhhhhh throws this at you-

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

navy's a bitch <3

KingOrange: Excuse me? That is unacceptable, you do not have the right to speak to me like that. 

purpegrape: chill dad that's green 

KingOrange: Oh, my apologies. 

greengrape: don't sweat it

nerd: Hello! It's nice to see you, Mr. Mango!

blueberry: Hiii !!

roobin!!: HIIIIIIIIII ╰(*°▽°*)╯

basketball hoop: GO TO SLEEP PEOPLE

greengrape: excuse me according to my calculations, i am NOT a person i am classified as a stick figure

nerd: I thought I had to be the nerd? 🤔

greengrape: oh yeah tru forgot abt that

KingOrange: Purple, I thought I told you to inform me before entering random group chats like this?

purplegrape: sry i forgot but they're my friends, they wont hurt me or anything???!??

KingOrange: True, but i wouldn't want anything...bad to happen. 

purplegrape: dad, i'll be fine. besides, green and the others won't do anything bad, right?

greengrape: dw mango

roobin!!: Yeah!

blueberry: Yeah, we'll take good care of purple

nerd: We will not disappoint you!

basketball hoop: i wil if you guys DON'T SHUT TF UP!!!!!!!

greengrape: shut it, basketball hoop

basketball hoop: EXCUSE ME

-

Purple stifled a giggle as they scrolled through the chat. Their friends were...something else. 

But they wouldn't have it any other way. 

They jumped as their bedroom door opened, revealing a very tired Mango. "Kid, it's time to sleep." He softly whispered. Purple nodded and placed their phone on their desk, before flopping under the covers. They sighed in content as they felt Mango's lips kiss his forehead gently, muttering a gentle, "good night...". 

Mango ruffled his kid's hair before waling through the doorway. He paused midway out the door, before opening his mouth again. 

"Hey, kid?" 

 

"Mhmm..?" came the sleepy response. 

 

"Your friends know what sleep is?" 

That earned a chuckle from the sleeping figure. 

 

 

 

Notes:

here you go, fluff
make sure to share

Chapter 3: HAPPY FATHER'S DAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY(not for you navy ew)

Summary:

tee hee

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

navy's a bitch <3

purplegrape: HAPPY FATHER'S DAY MANGO!!!!!!!

KingOrange: Thank you very much, my flower. 

nerd:  Happy Father's Day!

blueberry: Happy father's day!

roobin: HAPPY FATERHS DAY!!!!!!!!!! (o^▽^o)

greengrape: learn how to spell properly red

greengrape: anyways happy father's day ig

basketball hoop" i would tell you guys to sleep but you wouldn't listen anyway so um HAPPY FATHER'S DAY! 

KingOrange: Thank you very much, you guys! I appreciate it 😊

greengrape: oh no not the emojis-

-

the becker family !!

spinnydonut: Happy Father's Day, Dad!

choochoo: happy father's day

spiderlord: happy dad day old man don't you ever make me say that sappy stuff ever again

Vic: Happy Father's Day! 

alanthebecker: thx guys :)

-

lastly, happy father's day to my old man! :DDD you aren't gonna see this but you're the best! 

Notes:

this was a bit short, but i didn't know what else to add

Chapter 4: orange slander 😞 also red's a turtle god now-

Summary:

i should've updated this sooner

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

 

 

navy's a bitch <3

 

roobin!!: GUYS GUYS GUYS I HAVE SOMETHING TO TELL YOU!!!!!

greengrape: WHAT IS IT???

nerd: What?

blueberry: Wait what's happening?

basketball hoop: this better be worth my time

roobin!!: I'M A TURTLE GOD :D

basketball hoop: It is 2 am in the morning. And, you tell us that you're a turtle god. Instead of sleeping, I brought myself to hold my phone and see this text about you being a turtle god. Wonderful. 

greengrape: DAMN HE USED GRAMMAR RED U DEAD

roobin!!: AAAA I'M SORRY ARE YOU MAD AT ME????

basketball hoop: ...

basketball hoop: sleep with your windows closed

roobin!!: I don't even sleep??

greengrape: orange that's not cool he's the turtle god. he's superior

blueberry: yeah, orange I never thought that you would do something like this

basketball hoop: YELLOW HELP

nerd: I am afraid I agree. You cannot behave this way in front of the Turtle God, you know. I'm disappointed. 

basketball hoop: WHAT

basketball hoop: LET ME SLEEP I CAN'T DEAL WITH THIS 

shia is now online!

shia: woah what happened

shia: nvm 

shia: anyways imma be adding some more people here

shia added 2 new people! 

TheChosenOne and TheDarkLord is now online!

TheDarkLord changed their name to i have a knife

i have a knife: sup bitches

TheChosenOne: Language

i have a knife: aw

basketball hoop: CHO!!!! DARK!!!!! 

basketball hoop: SAVE ME 

i have a knife: wtf happened here

TheChosenOne: Second! Are you alright?

shia: read up

i have a knife: oh

i have a knife: everybody red's the turtle god the almightly turtle god

basketball hoop: DARK CMON

basketbal hoop: CHO YOUVE GOT TO HELP ME

TheChosenOne: ...

TheChosenOne: Second, I had faith in you. I never thought you would do something like this. 

greengrape: BAHAHAHA LMAO EVEN CHOSEN'S IN ON THIS

blueberry: HAHA

nerd: L

roobin: L

greengrape: L

blueberry: L

i have a knife: L

TheChosenOne: L

shia: L

basketball hoop: FUCK YOU I HATE YOU

i have a knife: feelings mutual fucker

basketball hoop is offline

purplegrape and KingOrange is now online!

purplegrape: guys what the hell happened

KIngOrange: What's a turtle god?

Notes:

bow down to the turtle god peasants.

Chapter 5: grapeduo angst!!!!!! (and red being a good friend)

Summary:

uyhhhhhhhhhhhhhtsetwsrtgstgsdgdggdgs

 

SET AFTER 'he's everything i'm not'

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

navy's a bitch <3

 

nerd: SO APPARENTLY YOU GUYS ARE DATING?! WHY DIDN'T NO ONE TELL ME?! 

greengrape: sorry bud i forgot

roobin: I guess it's kind of confusing. I mean, Orange and Green have tons of fights in the group chat AND in real life too. They aren't really like....the sweet couple.

greengrape: but we're special like that

basketball hoop: Hi guys i decided that I'm gonna try and not sleep for the whole day

blueberry: hiiiiii

nerd: Oh, hi Blue!

nerd: I mean, babe

nerd: Wait, that sounded weird dammit

nerd: I mean, hi Blue ❤️

greengrape: lmao simp

basketball hoop: green

greengrape: cmon

basketball hoop: green. 

greengrape: ...

greengrape: fine 

 

purplegrape is online!

 

purplegrape: congrats yellow, blue!!!! i just heard the news, i wish you guys the best <3

blueberry: AWWWW TYSM <3333 you're so sweet

nerd: Thank you for the support Purple! 

nerd: Me and Blue love each other very much, so I hope that we'll be together forever!

blueberry: STOPPPPPPPP IM BLUSHING SO HARD ILY

greengrape: ...

greengrape: i feel so single rn

basketball hoop: hello we're literally dating

greengrape: and you are the most wonderful boyfriend ever

basketball hoop: fuck yeah i am

roobin!!: I honestly was very surprised. I thought you liked Purple, Green. 

greengrape: purple's rlly sweet, he's an amazing friend yknow?? 

purplegrape: aw..thanks greenie

greengrape: btw orange i wanna show you smth can you come over

basketball hoop: omw

greengrape: love you

basketball hoop: love you too

basketball hoop is offline!

greengrape is offline!

roobin!!: hey Purp?? I wanna talk to you abt something and,,, to leave these 2 lovebirds aside like seriously why do i have to 3rd wheel??

purplegrape: yeah sure

-

 

Private Messages

Purple -> Red

 

Red: You good man? Dyou want me to come over? 

Purple: no im fine I think

Purple: It hurts..but i understand why he would be with Orange

Red: ..I mean..I thought I liked Orange, but I then found out that I was aromantic 

Red: So, I don't really understand. But if you want me to come over, I can. 

Purple: ...Thanks, but like..i think i can get over this. Can you still come over tho??

Red: Of course! We'll meet in Minecraft, and I'll bring Reuben. How does that sound? 

Purple: that sounds great, tysm. You're the best

Red: Np!! (つ≧▽≦)つ

Red: (´▽`ʃ♡ƪ)

Purple: (´▽`ʃ♡ƪ)

-

Purple blinked the tears out of their eyes. He sat up from the bed, taking in the messiness of the room. 

 

Whatever. He'll clean it up later. 

He sighed, and got up from his bed. He walked out the door, wiping the leaking tears. 

 

...

 

He really was in love with Green, isn't he?

Notes:

cry

Chapter 6: it can't be that bad

Summary:

i stopped putting the name of the gc first bc im just lazy heueuhe

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

shia: red im curious why does everybody hate the bee movie???

roobin!!: I'M SO GLAD YOU ASKED

roobin!!: It's a great movie, the others are just being dramatic.

greengrape: 

greengrape: excuse me

roobin!!: You're excused. 

shia: L

shia: but actually, every time i see you guys watch the movie it looks like  you're having traumatic flashbacks

nerd: Shia, please don't.

shia: i survived skibidi toilet. 

shia: i can survive this

shia: besides

shia: it can't be that bad??

roobin!!: I like the spirit! You and me, we're having a movie night! 

shia: how tho

roobin!!: Oh. 

shia: i can just watch it on my tv

roobin!!: Yay! 

 

shia went offline!

 

blueberry: that poor child

Notes:

IM GOING TO WATCH THE BEE MOVIE YAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAAAAAAA AND NONE SHALL STOP ME-

Chapter 7: it was that bad

Summary:

...

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

roobin!!: Guys? 

basketball hoop: what??

nerd: What happened this time, Red? 

roobin!!: So

roobin!!: I think I broke Shia...

greengrape: uhhh how

shia: 

shia: i have no idea what i just watched

shia: i want to cry

greengrape: WOAH WOAH WHAT HAPPENED

roobin!!: So I may have shown them the bee movie...

blueberry is online! 

KingOrange is online!

Purple is online! 

 

blueberry: YOU WHAT?!!!!!

KingOrange: Oh no, we already have 7 mentally deranged teenagers...

purplegrape: Red istg

roobin!!: HEY THEY WANTED TO WATCH IT 

roobin!!: IT'S THEIR MISTAKE!!

shia: 

shia: i will never look at a pencil sharpener the same

 

Notes:

...

Chapter 8: green seriously....what the fuck???

Summary:

sadlasjlk this is getting popular im so happy

Notes:

greengrape changed KingOrange's name to boomer smoking weed

 

greengrape changed TheChosenOne's name to walk me like a dog

 

walk me like a dog:

walk me like a dog: why

greengrape: why not

boomer smoking weed: Green! What's the meaning of this?

purplegarpe: PPFT-

greengrape: honestly i couldn't think of anything for you so i went with this

boomer smoking weed: ....I'm not happy with this.

greengrape: doesnt matter 

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

roobin!!: I just noticed

roobin!!: Mango and Chosen are the only ones without nicknames

roobin!!: I'm not admin, so...

greengrape: you are a genius

greengrape: remind me to invite you when me and o get married

basketball hoop: i'm too tired for this

 

KingOrange is online!

TheChosenOne is online! 

 

KingOrange: You mentioned me? 

TheChosenOne: whats going on

greengrape: im going on

 

greengrape changed KingOrange's name to boomer smoking weed

greengrape changed TheChosenOne's name to walk me like a dog

 

walk me like a dog: 

walk me like a dog: why

greengrape: why not 

boomer smoking weed: Green! What's the meaning of this? 

purplegarpe: PPFT-

greengrape: honestly i couldn't think of anything for you so i went with this

boomer smoking weed: ....I'm not happy with this. 

greengrape: doesnt matter 

 

i have a knife is online! 

 

i have a knife:  green 

i have a knife: i love you

greengrape: i know i love me too

basketball hoop: are you stealing him from me??

i have a knife: maybe i am 

i have a knife: got a problem? 

basketball hoop: 

basketball hoop: sometimes i forget that im the younger one

i have a knife: bitch we arent even siblings

walk me like a dog: we could be though

spiderlord: BAHAHA CHO IS THAT YOU??

walk me like a dog: unfortunately

walk me like a dog: blame it on green

i have a knife: green marry me

greengrape: too bad im taken

i have a knife: aw

basketball: well fuck you 

i have a knife:  love you too

purplegrape: this is so entertaining

blueberry: should I be concerned...???

nerd: ...

nerd: Green. 

nerd: Why are you like this

greengrape: i honestly don't know

 

shia is online!

 

shia: guys what the fuck

 

Notes:

*sigh*

oh btw should i add victim in this too?? AND GIVE ME SOME NICKNAMES FOR THEM i cant think of any :(

Chapter 9: Return Of The Turtle God

Summary:

im sorry i just like turtle god

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

roobin!!: Should I get turtles? 

greengrape: go for it man

purplegrape: ofc!! if u want to tho :3

blueberry: Does this mean that i have to feed more people

roobin!!: Nope! I'll take of the turtles all by myself :3 

roobin!! Besides, Rueben would like some friends! 

basketball hoop: i just want to sleep can eveRYONE SHUT UP???

nerd: Orange. 

nerd: Why are you asking such a pointless question?? 

basketball hoop: ...good point

basketball hoop: right im sleeping rn bye

 

basketball hoop went offline!

 

greengrape: finally

blueberry: Green he's ur bf 

greengrape: so

nerd: Oh, leave it babe. 

roobin!!: Excuse me. We are NOT talking about romance here. 

greengrape: right right sorry

greengrape: why dyou want turtles anyway? 

roobin!!: I'm the Turtle God, Green. 

greengrape: and that you are everyone bow down

 

basketball hoop is online!

 

basketball hoop: srsly guys this again? 

greengrape: orange u know what happened last time

 

basketball hoop went offline!

 

roobin!!: Coward. 

 

 

 

-

 

nerd: Why is there a turtle in my bed

 

Notes:

i couldnt think of anything im so sorry if this isnt funny

Chapter 10: victim joins hell and blue's fucking pissed

Summary:

tbh vic is a part of this but they're not in the main gc so

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

shia added victim

victim is online!

 

 

shia: guys guys 

basketball hoop: what

i have a knife: this better be good

walk me like a dog: i still don't know why you named me this

shia: cry about it

shia: anyway

victim: Hello. 

i have a knife: WHAT

basketball hoop: VIC?! 

walk me like a dog: oh no

shia: tee hee

 

shia went offline!

 

basketball hoop: that bi

walk me like a dog: Language. 

i have a knife: askdaskljdas vic what whyre u ehre

victim: I could say the same thing. 

 

greengrape is online!

 

greengrape: sick

 

greengrape changed victim's name to i walk you like a dog

 

i walk you like a dog: What? 

walk me like a dog: ...

i have a knife: BAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

walk me like a dog: DARK STOP COUGHING IN MY FACE

basketball hoop: oh my god

 

basketball hoop went offline!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

-

blueberry: This fucking sucks...

 

Notes:

hruhuseueuueuhue i dont know what to put here

Chapter 11: 1000 HITS!!

Summary:

1000 HITS!!

Notes:

1000 HITS!!1000 HITS!!1000 HITS!!1000 HITS!!1000 HITS!!

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

1000 HITS!! :D

Notes:

RAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH TYSM YOU GUYS IM GLAD U GUYS EVEN LIKE THIS LMAO AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Chapter 12: I Have A Shtick :D

Summary:

guys you know that school's an ass when i post 1 vent fic and when im not active for 2 weeks :D

Notes:

the brainrot's getting to them guys :(

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

roobin!!: Guys guys guys guys GUYS

basketball hoop: WHAT

i have a knife: do i have to see this

basketball hoop: if I suffer you suffer

i have a knife: i dont give you consent

roobin!!: STOP FIGHTING

greengrape: yeah guys you arent being that skibidi rn.... 

basketball hoop: 

basketball hoop: im out

 

basketball hoop is offline!

 

i have a knife: he just lost -10000 aura

greengrape: agreed. 

roobin!!: Doesn't anyone care about me??? 

blueberry: what did you want to show us Red?? 

roobin!!: LOOK

 

roobin!! sent an image! 

 

nerd: It's a stick. 

roobin!!: Yeahhh :D Shtick :DDD

greengrape: SHTICK

blueberry: shticky shtick shtick :3 

 

walk you like a dog is online! 

basketball hoop is online!

 

walk you like a dog: STHITCK :D

i have a knife: shiticky shick tick ick ck k 

 

purplegrape is online! 

 

purplegrape: Shtick :> 

boomer smoking weed: Stick. 

-

 

 

walk me like a dog is online!

 

walk me like a dog: erm what the sigma

 

 

Notes:

the ava fans are going crazy on tumblr pls save me i am scared

also someone said something about mama green on there who's mama green

Chapter 13: HAPPY BIRTHDAY DARK AND SEC ⭕️ 🟠

Summary:

hbd!!! also guess why green isn’t here

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

roobin!!: HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!! DARK AND SECOND !! 🥳🥳🥳

 

nerd: Happy Birthday you guys!  🥳 

 

blueberry: Happy birthday sec and dark !! I hope you have a wonderful time with ur friends :) 

 

boomer smoking weed: Many many happy returns of the day ❤️🥳 

 

purplegrape: Happy bday sec! 

 

purplegrape: happy bday dark!!!!! I hope you have fun!! 

 

basketball hoop: HDJSJSHEJS THANK YOUUUUUUUU 

 

i have a knife: yeah yeah..thanks

 

-

 

Dark please don’t blow up the kitchen-

 

spiderlord: who changed the gc name 

 

choochoo: I did

 

choochoo: Happy Birthday Dark Amd Second 🧡❤️

 

Vic: Happy Birthday Dear brothers! 

 

spiderlord: we’re not related 

 

Vic: Oh shush

alanthebecker: Happy Birthday Dark and Se

alanthebecker: *Orange

 

❤️🧡❤️

 

spinnydonut: JDKSN THANKS DAD!! THANKS SM GUYS!!!!

 

spiderlord: …

 

choochoo: Dark..? 

 

-

 

Dark suppressed his tears, sniffling as his hands clutched his phone, shaking. 

 

Chosen heard the sniffles from the other room. He made his way to Darks room, and noticed him softly crying.  

 

He sat down on his best friend’s bed. His own phone lay discarded on the bed. 

 

 

“Hey.” 

 

“…hey.” 

 

Chosen hugged him. 

 

Dark broke. 

 

They sure loved him, huh…

 

-

 

Orange and his friends had a HUGE party. They played games, went to Purple’s house, went around the City. 

 

Mango even bought corn dogs for them!!

 

Orange couldn’t think of a better way to spend his birthday.

 

 

He loved it.

 

All his friends. They were all here to celebrate. 

 

 

…

 

…not all of them. 

 

——

 

 

 

 

 

happy birthday to my babies i love you so mwah 

 

 

 

Notes:

i got stung by a wasp at school

plus i typed this on my phone so my arm fucking hurts

Chapter 14: red I'm going to kill you

Summary:

hahahahahhhah coughs

Chapter Text

roobin!!: hey 

roobin!!: hey 

roobin!!: hey 

roobin!!: hey 

roobin!!: hey 

roobin!!: hey 

roobin!!: hey 

roobin!!: hey 

 

greengrape: what 

 

roobin!!: chickenbutt

 

greengrape: die 

Chapter 15: rise of the six seven squad

Summary:

it’s gotten to me.

 

oh yeah also this is njust random posts, i’m working on the romance part bear with me

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

reuben!!: when I say six, you say seven!!! SIX 

 

greengrape: …

 

reuben!!: hey…Greenieeeeeeeeeeee plsssss come on! 

 

greengrape: …fine 

 

reuben!!: WHEN I SAW SIX, YOU SAY SEVEN

reuben!!: SIX

 

greengrape: SEVEN 

 

reuben!!: SIX 

 

greengrape: SEVEN 

 

i have a knife: all of you guys sybau 

 

greengrape: hey that’s not very nice 

 

i have a knife: ESPECIALLY you 

 

greengrape: :( 

 

walk me like a dog is online!

 

walk me like a dog: all of you guys suck 

 

Notes:

i’m currently at a sleepover rn and i miss my fan sm it’s so hot here

plus i’m really hungryyyyyhyy

Notes:

tee hee green's a sassy boy