Chapter Text
After Princess Iris takes Kazuma by the hand into the teleport circle, they disappear, leaving the trio to look on with open mouths.
"…Princess Iris has never done anything like this be-"
"I'm going to drown that brat." Aqua says with empty eyes. Darkness grabs her by the shoulders.
"You can't just say that! That's high treason!"
"But she committed a crime first!"
"She's the Princess! Besides, I know her well enough that she'll come to her senses and Kazuma will be back tomorrow at the latest." Darkness says and Aqua calms down somewhat.
"I kinda see him getting killed over there. He did anger Claire to the point of trying to kill him. Doubt he'll do any better with the others." Megumin says, making Darkness and Aqua blanch before begrudgingly heading home and sharing the news with Arnes, Rayne, and Sylvia who listen.
"Well…never expected the Princess to take a liking to him." Arnes says before sipping some tea. Rayne remains silent as Sylvia stands up and heads to the door. Darkness and Aqua grab her shoulders.
"…I'm sure I know the answer but where are you going?" Darkness asks.
"I'm going to burn down the capital."
"You can't! That's treason!"
"I am…was? A Demon King General! It was on the to-do list anyway! And the capital needs to suffer for this!" Sylvia says, struggling against their grip while heading for the door.
"Only the Princess needs to suffer!" Aqua says, making Darkness yell out in frustration.
"Don't make me get Vanir and Beldia here!" Darkness says, making Sylvia stop and gulp. Before she can say anything a knock is heard at the door.
"See! That's probably Kazuma now!" Darkness says and opens the door.
Instead of Kazuma it's a disheveled, twitching, and panting Yunyun.
"W-where's Kazuma? I really need his hng~ help!...and can I at least stay here for the night?" Yunyun asks with two pairs of glowing eyes at the manor gate trained on her, not hiding so much as waiting for her to leave the premises.
"…You're welcome to stay the night but Kazuma…" Darkness gives a quick explanation about Kazuma's kidnapping, making Yunyun's eyes glow.
"…You're thinking of blowing up the capital aren't you?" Darkness asks.
"Yes, but only if I can't get to this brat first." Yunyun says, getting a smile and thumbs up from Aqua and a middle finger and smile from Sylvia.
"That's not what that gesture means." Aqua says, making Sylvia switch to a thumbs up, and making Darkness groan.
'I need a drink…' She thinks.
===
Day 2
Kazuma claps his hands and Mary enters the room, fidgeting and blushing, unable to meet his eyes.
"I…Good morning Master Satou. I'm here to change the sheets."
"Go ahead…but as per your duties, now would be the best time."
"N-now!? But the other staff are in the hall and-"
"There is no one there. I already made a request for this section of hall to have no other staff than you in the morning. I said I was a light sleeper and would appreciate not having noise in the mornings; an easy request to accommodate since there aren't any other rooms in use near here. That also means you can be as noisy as you want… Now and later if you ever earn that reward like a good girl." Kazuma says with a wink, making the maid blush more.
Yet she nods and comes closer, going to her knees at the edge of the bed, her hands deftly uncovering the sheets and pulling Kazuma's dick out.
"My, such dexterity. Are the nobles in the capital so perverse? Or is this actually part of a maid's service?" He asks as she runs her hand to and fro.
"Can you please be quiet? It's making this harder than it needs to be."
"Heh~."
"…Seriously?"
"You said it not me…and I thought after last night you know what I would want?" He asks with a glint in his eye as Mary leans forward, enveloping the tip and bopping with surprising ease, slurping loudly for his benefit.
"I could get used to this Mary. Keep up that level of quality, and I will have to ruin you one of these days. Don't worry; I'll make sure you can sleep in after I do so." Kazuma says, making Mary looks to the side as he brushes some strands from her bun back from her face. She continues bopping faster, drawing a low moan from him as he watches her, licking up the stray precum as he gets closer, his hands going to her chest, rubbing her nipples as she deepthroats him with a gag, her expertise making him shudder a moment.
"Good job…Maybe I'll spoil you tomorrow~." He says, making Mary glance away with a shiver.
Claire is by the door on the other side, scarlet faced, open mouthed, and frozen.
'He actually went through with it? I thought that was just peasant dirty talk…how does he still have the stamina? More importantly…why am I here?!' Claire thinks before looking down at the handkerchief in her hand.
'Oh yeah, duel sanctioned murder!…I suppose I could still do it, citing this mistreatment of the maid as a bonus reason but…having the maids stop their gossiping would be a boon…but now that I slept on it, is it worth risking him spreading such debauchery to the rest of the castle?'
"Good morning Claire!" Iris says from the far end of the hall, a smile on her face as she skips down the hall, a sight that makes Claire smile.
Until she hears a particularly loud slurp from the room.
'She absolutely cannot hear this!' Claire thinks before running over to Iris, making her stop and look at her puzzled. Thinking quickly Claire places a finger at her own lips to be quiet, explaining Kazuma's prior request for quiet.
"Ah, I'm sorry…but it makes sense, since he's an adventurer, being a light sleeper is likely a requirement. I'll come back in an hour or so!" Iris whispers back and skips away, making Claire smile too.
'I have to make this degenerate temper his antics. Last thing I want is for Princess Iris to be exposed to such filth.' She thinks before walking back to the room and finding it quiet. She knocks on the door and Kazuma opens it, boxers half open and his robe parted open.
"…Have you no shame? Answering the door in such a state?"
"Shouldn't I be asking you that, or is voyeurism traditional here?" Kazuma asks and Claire suppresses a shocked shudder.
"What drivel are you spouting now?"
"It's called threat detection, my arrogant lady that tried to stab me. I know you were you here the whole time. Enjoyed the show~?" Kazuma asks, making Claire wide eyed and pale before coughing in a fist and recovering.
"I was in shock and disgusted…and came here for this." Claire says while holding up a handkerchief. A moment later Kazuma smiles.
"Oh my, a gift from Lady Claire? Are you sure you should be following your heart for a depraved peasant such as I? Not that I mind the courtship." Kazuma says, making Claire clench a fist.
"It is a challenge you in heat dog!" Claire says while moving to slap him and Kazuma steps back.
"I can't deny I am a dog…and you a bitch~."
"How dare-!" Claire says while reaching for her blade but stopping herself.
"Oh, you do realize the issue of attacking a hand picked guest of Princess Iris…was that because she was here a moment ago?" Kazuma asks with a smirk as Claire looks at him with a balled fist.
"You heard that? And still continued with this…this…You would have continued this if she-"
"Oh please, I would've stopped if she got closer. I'm not that much of a scumbag. So thank you for buying me an hour and for letting me enjoy the morning to the fullest. Mary thanks you too~...or were you really enjoying the show? Just ask like a good girl and you can get a front row seat." Kazuma says, making spades appear fully on Claire's eyes as she grinds her teeth. Kazuma sighs.
"You really need to work on your banter…but this honesty is charming in its own way. Have a good day 'Lady' Claire." Kazuma says while closing the door, muttering just loud enough one final line for the leaving Claire to hear.
"And I thought Lalatina was dishonest and easy to read~."
'What?! That can't be…Lady Lalatina and…him?!' Claire thinks, contemplating if he is lying before more wet sounds are heard in his room, making her gag and shiver until she is well out of earshot, but the thought plaguing her the rest of the day.
===
Darkness has spent the entire day watching Aqua, Sylvia, and Yunyun to keep them from going on an ill thought of plan of revenge and rescue, her stamina nearing its limit.
"…Can I at least have some bubbly?' Aqua asks as Darkness uncorks a second bottle.
"No."
"But I'm bored!"
"Should have thought of that before you threatened the Princess!" Darkness says, and Aqua pouts. Arnes enters the room with a letter, getting everyone's attention.
They gather around and read it at the same time.
"Hey everyone, I know this is unexpected, especially after that near death duel, but I will be staying at the castle for a few days, possibly weeks. Part of it is to keep Iris on good terms, and another part is this place is amazing, especially the beds! I'll have to find the supplier or maker while I'm here and get them back at the manor. I'll bring souvenirs when I come back. Let me know if there is something in particular you want, I'm defiantly bringing back bubbly, pastries, and some small items, but this place seems to have everything so let me know before I leave. Miss you all and hope to adventure with you soon, Kazuma Satou. PS can one of you send the bell?"
After finishing, they all come to the same single conclusion at the same time with flat stares.
'He's fucking around.'
===
Claire opens the door to Iris' quarters and witnesses a horrible interaction.
"Then, out of the blue, Darkness was dressed like a maid, Iris!"
"How in the world did you accomplish that?! More importantly, what happened next!?" Iris asks, getting closer to Kazuma.
The next moment Claire has a sword at Kazuma's neck.
"Do not tell her those stories and you call her Princess, Princess you hear me!?"
"But she wanted to hear those stories and for me to call her that!"
"Absurd! If you think I will believe such an obvious lie then you overestimate yourself and-"
"But it's true Claire!" Iris says, making Claire freeze.
'Just when I thought I had the perfect reason…' Claire thinks before letting Kazuma go, meeting his glare with one of her own.
"…My apologies for not believing such absurdity. You have done enough in the past to warrant such disbelief. Let us go Princess."
"But I want to know why Lalatina was dressed up like a maid!"
"Absolutely not! You are going to your room for a lesson with Rain." Claire says before taking a saddened Iris out of the room.
Rain looks on from the corner with a flat stare. She starts slowly counting out loud along with Kazuma, getting to 8 before Claire stomps back in the room, blade at his neck again.
"What are you doing alone with the Princess in her quarters?!"
"I'm not alone!" He says glancing towards Rain. Claire looks at Rain flatly.
"…Why did you allow this to transpire?"
"I didn't. I tried to win a game against Mr. Satou to prevent future encounters like this…I lost."
"You can still do double or nothing." Kazuma says with a glint in his eye.
"Never. Not with your terms or that absurd luck." Rain says.
"I am lucky~."
"Get out. It's time for her lesson."
"But I must know what happened to Lalatina after you had her dressed like a maid and at your mercy! Did you force her to sweep with a broom?" Iris asks from Claire's side.
"Oh she handled a broom alright~." Kazuma says, making Rain groan and Claire point her blade.
"Out!"
Kazuma leaves the room catching a final smirk from the dignified Princess that goes unnoticed from her retinue.
'Hard to believe this was all her idea…But I can't fault her, she is right…seeing Claire lose her cool is fun~.' Kazuma thinks with a grin as the door closes and Iris' lesson begins.
===
A few minutes later a knock is heard at his door. Kazuma walks over.
"Is that you Mary? Are you sure you should be visiting me when there are no chores to do at this hour? You should really relax when you can…or are you looking to tuck me-" Kazuma stops when he sees Claire.
"Oh, you…I guess you no longer count as a threat…or are you willingly taking Mary's place~?"
"Insufferable cad. I am here to have you limit your time with Princess Iris."
"Or what?"
"What do you mean 'or what'?"
"Just what I mean, or if you need it more plainly said, or what will you do? I have no reason to listen to you. Iris has more say than you in this matter, and she wants to hear about Lalatina in a maid outfit and other such stories. I'll also refuse any and all duels from you…or do you really think I'll accept a late night sparring session that you can easily make into a justification for murder?" Kazuma says, rendering Claire quiet a moment.
"Wait…Do you want to hear more yourself?" Kazuma asks with a smile.
"I have no interest in your delusional fantasies."
"So you're just silent because you're not used to someone 'below' you refusing you and talking back?" Kazuma asks and Claire closes her eyes with fists balled behind her back.
"Knew it~…also, they aren't fantasies…and a shame. I would have been completely unfiltered with you if you only ask like a good girl~."
"Will you be quiet?"
"It's rude not to entertain a 'lady' that visits me at night…but I am willing to making a bet with-."
"No."
"Wow, and I thought Rain was fast at refusing…but I can say she truly cares for the Princess. She at least tried~." Kazuma says, holding back a cry of terror as Claire draws her sword.
After a moment of shaking she sheathes again.
"I know what you are doing. I also know you are a dishonorable scoundrel."
"I never break my word…but it is getting late and I am sure you must be late to your usual peeping spots."
"If you want your head to be cut off all you have to do is ask." Claire says.
"Fine, tonight's visit is a wash for us both…but here's something for you to ponder. I learned some spells back in the Crimson Demon village. One has a horrid name befitting Crimson Demon sense of style, but basically puts bells on the person so they cannot leave their home without everyone in the area knowing from a loud siren."
"You expect me to believe any Wizard of skill would create such an asinine spell?" Claire asks with a scoff and a laugh.
"You ever met a Crimson Demon?" Kazuma asks and Claire goes silent.
'They ARE weird enough to make such a spell!' Claire thinks behind an unreadable face.
"I also have a spell that would be perfect for you~." Kazuma says with a grin before reaching towards Claire's face despite the more sensible part screaming 'no! no! no!'.
He should have listened to that part.
Claire grabs his wrist and squeezes, a pop audible in the room, and Kazuma does a body wide shiver, starting from his hand. Then Claire throws his offending maw aside, making him grasp it.
"Hmph…That was actually fun~ Maybe I should visit more often." Claire says while crossing her arms, grinning at Kazuma's pained hunch over posture.
"Don't…expect that again…" Kazuma says, somehow avoiding falling to his knees. He does some test movements and is glad his wrist is not broken…but incredibly sore.
"What are these spell names?" Claire asks.
"You don't trust me?"
"No."
"…Fair enough. I'll tell you the one that I would cast on myself if I lose. 'Seal of Infamy.' I'm guessing you're going to Rain or the library to double check if I'm telling the truth."
"Oh, you do have a brain underneath all that degeneracy and snark." Claire says, making Kazuma sigh.
"You really need to stop undervaluing people because they did not grow up in a fancy house."
"I don't. Just you." Claire says before leaving, slamming the door and making it wobble a moment and leaving Kazuma alone with his thoughts as he prepares for bed.
'I should really stop antagonizing her so much. I'm still 1 to 2 for angry women with weapons…More so since I am effectively alone here. I don't know how far Iris is willing to put up with me if Claire really insists on exiling or killing me…But…' Kazuma thinks as he looks over the capital of Belzerg; Opulence, beauty, and grandiose everything despite the proximity, or maybe because of its nearness, to the frontline against the Demon King's forces.
'When will I have a chance to enjoy this side of this world again?' Kazuma thinks as he starts thinking on the next part of his sacred plans of petty revenge.
===
"Rain." Claire says at her door instead of knocking, getting a surprised squeak as movement is heard, Rain answers the door in a robe.
"Y-yes Lady Claire? Is something the matter? Wait…did the Demon King knock out the alarm and-!?"
"N-no nothing like that!…I was wondering if you ever heard of a spell called 'Seal of Infamy'?" Claire says, quickly calming down Rain, who after a moment with her hand at her chin answers.
"That…I know I heard it before but I am drawing a blank…is it critical you need to know now?"
"The sooner, the better…it is a Crimson Demon spell I believe?"
"Oh! Yes, I know of it…it's a harmless spell that they use on their children when they are going through a rebellious phase. Makes a lot of noise if they try to sneak out, but is harmless. Why are you asking about it? It is an advanced skill so few can learn it, and fewer are keen on spending the required points for it."
"Just…needed to know about it." Claire says and Rain tilts her head before biting back a yawn.
"Sorry for the hour of my question. Have a good night Rain."
"You too Lady Claire…" Rain says before retiring for the night, and Claire leaves in renewed spirits.
===
Kazuma claps his hands but Mary doesn't enter. He claps again.
"Getting cold feet Mary?" Kazuma asks while clapping again.
"I'm starting to lose my patience Mary…and I thought you were enjoying our time together? Or do you want me to-" The door opens and Kazuma frowns at the sight of Claire entering his room.
"This has to be the weirdest dream I ever had."
"It is no dream. Good morning 'Sir' Kazuma." Claire says with a smile and Kazuma immediately grows concerned.
"…Why are you of all people greeting me so pleasantly? What do you have planned?" Kazuma asks and Claire smiles as she points at him.
"Seal of Infamy!"
"What?!" Kazuma shouts as the spell is created, a moment later Claire starts laughing.
"Did you really think as Princess Iris' bodyguard I would have no access to magic? I suppose after time with Lady Lalatina, that would be a reasonable assumption, and it is true, most magic is unavailable to me, but I can cast basic recovery spells…and had enough points for this little absurd spell." Claire says, grinning as Kazuma glares at her. She continues with a hand on her hip.
"But I suppose I should thank you. This spell will be useful for Iris' troublesome phase. I hope you enjoy the rest of your stay here, 'Sir' Kazuma." Claire says, and eventually Kazuma sighs before getting up. Claire points at him with a scowl.
"Do not show me- Oh you're wearing pants…"
"I was up earlier and planned something with Mary this morning before this unpleasant surprise. But, as unwelcome a surprise this is, I can appreciate when I have been outmaneuvered. Good job Claire."
"Don't compliment me, it feels slimy…but I suppose with you under control now there is little point in excessive hostility anymore." Claire says.
"Oh? Does that mean we can be friends?" Kazuma asks with a smirk, and gets a grin from Claire.
"No~." She says and Kazuma chuckles.
"I figured. May as well go and have some breakfast…wait, is the bedroom or the castle the limit for this-" Before Kazuma can finish asking his question, a horribly loud noise fills the air when Kazuma takes a few steps away from the bed.
Kazuma looks blankly ahead as Claire blanches.
"…You made the bed, not even the bedroom my limit?"
"…There's a reason most magic is unavailable to me…I thought this one would be different." Claire mutters as a dozen armed guards and Rain enter Kazuma's bedroom.