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Chapter Text

“Another one?” 

Xie Qingcheng closes the case file he’d been looking at and sets it down, letting out a breath. It felt like every day was spent worrying over the case of the Huzhou killer. Every time it seemed like they were making progress in the case by taking one step forward, the damned killer would notice and take ten steps back before they had any time to react. It felt impossible to get anywhere, and the longer they took, the more lives were lost. 

Though he had solved his fair share of cases since he’d begun working as a police officer, none of them had been nearly as brutal as this one, nor had he ever been tasked with tracking down a serial killer before. He had been put to the task based on his performance in past cases but he was starting to wonder if he was the right fit. It seemed like no matter what they did, they could never get anywhere. It was as if the murderer was a ghost that had somehow figured out how to hold a knife without phasing through it and was using the newfound knowledge to wreak havoc. 

For the past who knows how long he had been sitting at his desk stressing over the newest murder and analyzing the case file, but the longer he sits, the more he realizes that at least for today, his mind had been burned out. Nothing productive came from just continuing to sit there hoping he’d have a sudden revelation. 

He stands from his chair and looks to where Chen Man is sitting across from him at his own desk. “I’ll go buy everyone some drinks, come with me to help carry them.” 

Chen Man nods, seeming a little green around the face as he stands up and follows him out of the office. 

It wasn’t just Chen Man who looked that way. No matter how many times they’d seen cases like this from the killer, the violent and gruesome nature of the murders was difficult to stomach, even for those who were used to it. Even Xie Qingcheng was bothered by it despite having a higher apathy to violence than most normal people.

He looks over at Chen Man as they walk. Normally Chen Man would be talking about something or other by this point but he doesn’t say anything, seeming to be thinking about something. His brow is pinched. 

Xie Qingcheng watches him for a while longer before asking, “Are you okay?” 

Chen Man’s head shoots up. It seems he’d spaced out a little, and he turns to Xie Qingcheng with a strained smile. “I’m fine, Ge. It’s just… that poor woman was in such an awful state. How could someone do something so horrible to another human being?” 

Xie Qingcheng looks at him in sympathy. In the first place, he had been against Chen Man joining the investigative unit and would have preferred if he had just stayed a standard neighborhood cop. He hadn’t wanted him to follow in his brother’s footsteps, and really, at least to Xie Qingcheng, he was still just a kid. It would have been better if he didn’t have to deal with such awful things. 

Seeing his expression, the already strained smile on Chen Man’s face goes even more strained. “I know, I don’t know why it surprises me. There are a lot of bad people in the world.” He sighs. “I just… I just wish things didn’t have to be like this.” 

“There are a lot of reasons someone could resort to such means. Mental illness, substance abuse, desperation. In your case, you should just focus on the investigation and try not to linger on the deaths. This is just the way the world is. Don’t let it get to you.” 

“I know…” Chen Man looks up at him. “How is it that you always seem so calm, even in situations like this? You don’t seem shaken up at all.” 

It wasn’t that Xie Qingcheng wasn’t disturbed. Rather, he was able to smother the feeling so that it didn’t overwhelm him. It was something he’d had to do for the majority of his life, since the day his parents had died and he’d been left with the responsibility of looking after Xie Xue and the house, education and finances. There was no time to tend to a shaken heart. 

That skill of being able to stamp down his emotions came in handy in cases like these. He had gone into the force knowing exactly what type of awful things went on in the world, and he had been prepared for it. Even as a child, he’d seen his parents’ bodies after they’d been killed, the blood and gore, their skin charred, flesh and fat alike melted off from the explosion. What could shake him more than that?

“It isn’t that I’m not unsettled. You just get used to it over time.” Xie Qingcheng pats Chen Man’s shoulder. “We’re here.”

Seeming a bit lost, Chen Man follows Xie Qingcheng into the bubble tea shop as Xie Qingcheng orders tea for everyone. It wasn’t often he did something like this, but milk tea was refreshing and tasted good, and everyone seemed in a particularly bad mood today. Having a cool drink might help make their day a little better. 

By the time they get back, it’s sunset. There was still a little more than an hour until everyone went home, and though they look dreary, their eyes brighten when they see Xie Qingcheng and Chen Man walk through the door carrying trays of drinks. 

“Officer Xie bought everyone tea! Come here and get one if you want some!” Chen Man calls out, setting his tray of tea on the table as Xie Qingcheng sets his next to it. 

The mood in the room instantly brightens. Xie Qingcheng feels relieved as he watches brows that had been furrowed together for an entire day finally loosening, dry lips cracking into smiles in a sight that almost feels unnatural with how often they were curled into frowns. 

Only Zheng Jingfeng scowls. “Xiao Xie, what the hell is this crap? Do you really expect an old man like me to drink something like this?”

Xie Qingcheng looks up at him from where he’s standing out of the way, leaning against the wall drinking his own tea. After a long sip, he flatly says, “You don’t have to drink it if you don’t want to.” 

Zheng Jingfeng huffs and puffs about it for a moment more but still goes to snatch one off the tray, popping the straw into his mouth and loudly slurping it up. A few guys in the room laugh before hiding the noise behind coughs when Zheng Jingfeng gives them the side eye. 

Chen Man chuckles as he moves to stand next to Xie Qingcheng, swirling around his straw and chewing on a pearl. “Officer Zheng is always like this. I don’t know why he doesn’t just not drink it.” 

“Mn.” 

They both quietly stand there, silently drinking their tea as they watch the lively atmosphere that was so much brighter than the dull, stressed one it had been only moments before. The mood is surprisingly light as everyone chatters and jokes with each other, as if trying to put behind them such a gruesome and disturbing case, even if it was only just for a moment. 

Once Chen Man is almost finished with his drink, he suddenly turns to Xie Qingcheng. “Xie Ge, I…” 

“What is it?” For some reason Chen Man seems a little hesitant, like he’s debating on whether or not he wants to speak. Xie Qingcheng was someone who didn’t care for indecisiveness, preferring things to be straight and to the point, and so he prompts him. “There’s no need to be hesitant. Whatever it is you want to talk about, I’ll listen.” 

Chen Man looks down at his cup, fiddling with the straw. His voice is quiet. “I just… I wonder if we’ll ever find who the killer is.” 

“Don’t be ridiculous. With how frequent the murders are, they’re bound to leave a clue at some point.” 

Despite saying it, Xie Qingcheng finds himself questioning it, too. Whoever was behind these murders wasn’t just some ordinary killer. They were clearly intelligent and had knowledge that made it difficult to track them down, likely a background in coding and cyber security. How many more people needed to die until a fatal slip up? What if there was a scenario where that slip up never happened at all? 

It was something Xie Qingcheng didn’t want to consider. 

Chen Man doesn’t say anything more, seeming to be mulling over it, and Xie Qingcheng can only shake his head. “Didn’t I say not to think about it so much? Come on, work is almost over. When you get home make sure to relax and do things you enjoy. No matter how serious it is, this is still just a job.” 

At that, Chen Man smiles a light smile. “You don’t have to always worry so much about me, Ge.”

Xie Qingcheng finishes off his tea, leaning over to toss it in the nearby trash can. “What are you talking about? That’s my job.” 

“I– I’m just saying I’m not a kid anymore. You don’t have to treat me like that!” 

Xie Qingcheng scoffs, looking him up and down. Not a kid anymore, his ass. No matter how tall he got or how much more he grew into his face, he would always be that kid Xie Qingcheng used to look after, a kid who used to cry and trail after him like a little duck who didn’t know any better.

Chen Man frowns when Xie Qingcheng doesn’t say anything. “Why are you scoffing? It’s true! If it wasn’t, how would I be working with you right now?”

Xie Qingcheng turns away, walking over to his desk and waving a hand. “That isn’t important. Come to your desk and sit down, there’s still work to be done before it’s time to go home.” 

***

Xie Qingcheng closes his eyes, letting out a drag of his cigarette. It was getting dark. He feels tired, but at the same time, he can’t seem to be able to fall asleep. 

Despite what he’d told Chen Man, he finds himself continuing to think about the case, about all the murders. In a way that was similar to the case that had involved the deaths of his parents, it takes over his mind and constantly has him thinking about it even when he wasn’t actively at work. And how could it not, with the nature of the crimes? He knew he was being unrealistic when he told Chen Man those things, but he truly meant them, too. It was a hopeful wish that he’d be able to completely separate work from home and not let one carry into the other. 

The murders really were strange. Though it was believed that it was the same person committing them, their exceedingly gruesome nature was really the only thing they had in common. There was no signature weapon or style, nor were there any apparent similarities between the victims. It was as if they were picked completely at random, as if the killer had gone to the busiest street they could find, spun in a circle with their eyes closed, and chose whoever was in their line of sight once they opened again. The only exception to this was that the victims were never children and never people who were mentally ill. 

Children being spared wasn’t exceedingly odd in itself. Even if sick, it seemed this serial killer still had some semblance of standards and wouldn’t go for the exceedingly vulnerable. Maybe it was just that it wasn’t as fun to pick off such easy targets. No, the strangest part was the lack of any mentally ill victims. To begin with, people bearing mental illnesses were more likely to be the victims of violent crimes. Even if the killer wasn’t specifically aiming for one, with how many victims there were by this point, statistically, there should have been at least some victims that happened to be mentally ill. Yet, there wasn’t even one. It was almost as if the killer was specifically going out of their way to avoid people with mental illness. 

Why? Because they themselves were mentally ill and sympathized with others like them? Because they saw those people as more difficult targets that could be unpredictable? Or maybe, this was really all just a fluke and Xie Qingcheng was looking too much into it. 

Xie Qingcheng takes another puff of his cigarette, opening his eyes to stare up at the ceiling, his head hurting. 

He thinks back to his conversation with Chen Man. This killer had already taken dozens of victims, and those were just the ones that had been found. From what they’d learned in their investigation, the killer appeared to have only been active for three years at the very most. To have so many kills in such a short span of time– they had an exceedingly rapid pace and an efficient method. 

They were too good at what they did. By this point people were dropping like flies, and yet the police didn’t have any real clues about the killer other than that they were likely stationed somewhere in Huzhou and were most likely a male between the age of twenty and forty. Just how many people like that fit the bill though? There must be hundreds of thousands. 

If they really couldn’t figure out the identity of the killer soon, just how many more people would lose their lives in such gruesome ways? How many more would die if they never found the killer at all?

Something like that shouldn’t be possible. There were just too many murders happening in such short periods of time, the killer was bound to slip up at some point. And yet, Xie Qingcheng still finds himself doubting himself. 

He was thinking about this too much. He was really thinking about this too much, it wasn’t good for his state of mind. Wasn’t he the one who told Chen Man not to do this? There was no use in saying such things if he couldn’t even act on them himself. 

Just sitting there trying to take his mind off the case doesn’t help, and so he pulls out his phone, deciding to text Xie Xue to ask if she’d eaten yet. If he was going to try and distract himself with something, he might as well do something productive and make sure she was eating well, is his thought process. She had gotten a job teaching at a university and had begun to start living like an adult, at least in terms of finances, but he still wasn’t completely confident in her capabilities beyond that. He should have taught her how to cook for herself and do chores well enough, but… 

Though normally she was quick to reply whenever he texted her, he waits and waits as he stares down at his phone, and yet he doesn’t get a notification. His first thought is that she’s just busy reviewing work or had gone to sleep early, and so he sets his phone down and decides to find another way to occupy himself. 

After sitting on the couch for a while and mindlessly flipping through educational channels on tv though, he finds his brain going right back to the case of the Huzhou killer. While Huzhou was a big city and it was quite frankly ridiculous to think that every late text from someone immediately meant they had been kidnapped or murdered, Xie Qingcheng suddenly feels himself growing a little paranoid. 

He’d already instructed Xie Xue to walk around with protection at all times and remember to lock her doors as soon as she got home, but what if she had forgotten one day and that happened to be the day that everything went wrong? No one suspected something as extreme as a murder until it was too late. 

For a long time he sits there, telling himself he’s just being paranoid and that she was fine. What were the chances that out of the million people who lived in this city, she would become a victim?

He sits there for a while, not wanting to bother her and butt into her life in case she was doing anything important. But then he thinks to himself that it was better safe than sorry, and so he grabs his phone again and decides to call her. 

It rings once, twice, and only when he begins to believe she won’t pick up at all does Xie Xue finally answer.

“...Xie Ge? What is it? It's unusual for you to call me at this time.” 

“What are you doing right now? Are you safe?” 

“Safe? What are you talking about…” She yawns. “I’m at home, I just got out of the shower and was about to eat dinner. What’s wrong?” 

Hearing this, Xie Qingcheng feels the anxiety in his heart begin to settle down. Of course, what he had been thinking of was a worst case scenario. Who knew how small the percentage of it actually happening was? It seemed like this case was affecting him more than he thought it would.

For a moment he had forgotten why he’d called her in the first place. Clearing his throat, he asks, “What are you planning on eating?” 

She hesitates. “Um… don’t get mad, but I was just going to heat up some ramen…” 

A pang of irritation shoots through him. What was it with young people these days and constantly wanting to take the shittiest, worst things for them into their body? Instant ramen had about as much nutritional value as a rock soaked in chicken broth. 

“That crap again? Did I not raise you better than that? I know you know how to cook a few dishes for yourself.”

“I… I know, but I’m tired! Classes have been really hard, you know, teaching isn’t easy. I’ve been eating well this entire week, I just decided to make something quick today…”

He wants to be more irritated but ends up more exasperated than anything. It was only to be expected. It wasn’t that long ago that she had stopped living with him. Back then, though he had shown her how to cook, he was also the one who made the meals most of the time. Of course it was more convenient to just heat up some pre-packaged crap than spend time cooking.

It works out in his favor, anyway. Though he had settled down most of the anxiety that had been in his heart from hearing that she was fine in all but giving herself diabetes, he hadn’t been able to completely wave all of it away. At least for tonight, he would feel better if she was physically in his proximity so that he could be around if anything happened. It wouldn’t be too big of a deal since the female faculty dorms where she lived weren’t very far away from Moyu Alley. 

“You’re still young so you can eat things like that now, but just wait a few years and you’ll be able to feel the effects. If you’re planning on just eating that then come to the house, I’ll make you some fried rice.” 

Though Xie Xue had sounded a little tired before, she immediately perks up the way she always did when food was mentioned. “You’ll cook? Will you really make some?” 

“I will, so hurry and come over. It’s getting late. If you’re too tired when you get here you can sleep over.” 

“I’ll be there soon! Thank you, Ge! Bye! I love you!”

Before Xie Qingcheng can respond she hangs up, and he sighs, setting his phone down and rubbing at his forehead. Hopefully she just got there in one piece. She acted so lighthearted and carefree that he worried for her. She had always loved the food he made and especially the Yangzhou fried rice, but hopefully she didn’t run any red lights to get it with the brand new car she was so proud of. 

Picking himself up from the couch, he thinks about getting another cigarette out before remembering Xie Xue. She didn’t particularly like the smell of cigarette smoke, and so he opens the windows and turns the fan on, moving to the kitchen. 

Cooking was something he did that often turned into something mindless. Just like when he was doing chores or something else of similar nature, he finds his mind going blank as his body switches to autopilot. He had made this dish so many times it probably wouldn't have any discrepancy in taste if he cooked it completely blind. 

It’s thankfully something to take his mind off the stress of work, and before he knows it he’s almost forgotten about it completely. The food is nearly ready where all that’s really left is to let it cool down a little when he hears the door unlock, Xie Xue bursting through it not a moment later.

She’s in just a t-shirt and sweats, her hair thrown up into a bun. It’s clear she had come here pretty much as soon as she’d hung up, and he frowns when he sees her. While it wasn’t unbearably cold inside it was still a little chilly, and–

His thoughts are cut off when she throws her arms around him, a wide smile on her face. “Ge! I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever!”

He’s unable to stifle the way his lips just barely quirk upwards at being able to see her in person. With both of them busy from work it really had been a while. He pats her back, hugging her with one arm while he stirs around the fried rice with the other. 

The smile on his face falls when he feels her shivering. In fact, her hair is still a little wet, and he frowns. “Why did you come running here so fast? Did you not even take the time to dry off first?”

“You were the one who told me to come quickly,” she pouts, looking past him to the pan of golden rice. She reaches out and plucks up a piece of shrimp, popping it into her mouth and making an “mmm” sound as a look of satisfaction spreads over her face. 

He pulls away, walking over to where he'd put his jacket on the couch and handing it to her. “Don’t go digging into the pan when you haven’t even washed your hands first. Put this on and go wash your hands. I’ll get you a plate.” 

“Okay!” Xie Xue garbles out through a mouthful of food, grabbing his coat and slipping it on. She wrinkles her nose. “It smells so much like smoke. I’m gonna trigger the smoke detector if I wear this!” 

“Don’t be ridiculous, and don’t talk with food in your mouth.” He helps her straighten out the coat. It’s almost comically big on her but the only clothes of hers left at the house were clothes from when she’d been a little girl, and so this was the best he could do. “Hurry up and go wash your hands. You might as well go dry your hair as well.” 

“I’m going, I’m going!” 

She runs off to the bathroom only after dodging past him to grab another shrimp from the pan. He sighs and shakes his head, moving to get a plate out for her and himself. 

The night is peaceful. It really had been a while since the two of them had been able to just sit down together and catch up on things, and with how bright Xie Xie’s personality is, the chilly atmosphere from when he’d just been by himself seems to warm up a few degrees. Xie Qingcheng is reminded of the days where it had just been the two of them and finds himself lightly smiling as he looks at her. Unlike the small girl she had been back then, she had become a college professor, a woman, in the blink of an eye.

After having a few plates and stuffing herself until Xie Qingcheng is shocked she doesn’t feel sick, she curls up on the couch, wrinkling her nose and murmuring something about how it also smells like smoke.

He packs away the extra rice for leftovers, putting the dishes in the sink to quickly wash and glancing at her sprawled over the couch. “Are you planning on sleeping here? If you are, you should take the bed.”

Xie Xue yawns, rolling over to lay on her face. “I’m not gonna… I won’t fall asleep. I’ll just rest here for a bit and go back to the dorms, my stomach has to settle down first. Your rice is just too good, Ge, how am I not supposed to eat so much?”

Xie Qingcheng raises a brow. From experience, whenever she said she wasn’t going to fall asleep she would be knocked out cold within five minutes, but maybe she had changed after moving out. “If you’re planning on going back, do it soon. It’s getting late.”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m gonna go…” she drowsily murmurs into the couch cushions.

It’s quiet, the only noises being the whirring of a fan and the sound of Xie Qingcheng washing the dishes. There isn’t much to do, and after taking the time to dry them and put them where they belong, he glances out the window and sees how dark it is.

He’d really rather Xie Xue didn’t wait any longer if she wanted to go back and calls out, “You should get going soon.”

When there isn’t a reply, he frowns, walking out of the kitchen and glancing at the couch.

Only now that he’d stopped doing the dishes can he hear the soft snores coming from her direction. Her face is turned to the side, her hair having fallen out of a bun and already looking tangled, drool trailing down her lips. 

It doesn’t surprise him. It had always been this way, where she would immediately fall asleep when she was tired. The couch really wasn’t the best couch to sleep on though, and so he leans over her and takes her into his arms, ignoring the way his back screams and creaks in protest. It didn’t used to do that, but his body made a lot of strange sounds nowadays, and so he doesn’t let it bother him. 

Once he’s holding her, it isn’t too difficult to carry her to the bed. He gently sets her down, pulling the blanket up over her and making sure she’s settled in. Once she seems comfortable he turns off the lights and goes to lay down on the couch.

Xie Qingcheng finds himself thinking about why he had wanted her to come over in the first place. Though thoughts about the case had gone to the background of his mind earlier, now that he no longer had anything to distract himself with, he suddenly finds himself thinking about it again. He tries to shake off the slight feeling of unsettlement that creeps up and around his spine, seeming to dig into his nerves. 

Really, just who the hell was the killer? Why did they have such a wide category of victims, as if they were choosing them by a random draw? How was it that the bodies of the victims were so easily found when the killer themself seemed like they might as well be phasing in and out of existence when they sensed they had even the slightest chance of being caught? 

Perhaps out of fatigue, he finds himself rolling on his face like Xie Xue had, closing his eyes and letting out a long breath.

Now that he was laying on the couch, it really did smell like smoke.

***

The days are monotonous, slow. As each day passes and as Xie Qingcheng and his unit work to find more clues, it really does feel like they’re trying to look for the breadcrumbs of a ghost. There was hardly anything to go by and it didn’t feel like they were getting anywhere at all. It was only a matter of time until there was another victim, and yet it was seeming more and more likely that they really would have to wait until someone else lost their life to see if they could use any of the potential clues that might come from their death. 

It happens a month after the last murder. A forty year old woman is found floating in the Yangtze River with only her torso and head intact, the rest of her limbs later found downstream. Her body isn’t completely waterlogged and from what it seemed like, the murder itself couldn’t have happened that long before. A rope had been tied around her neck with the bottom looking as if it had been yanked off of something, and it was speculated the only reason she was found so quickly is because the cement block she had been tied to got snagged on something and was severed, leaving her body to float to the surface. It was determined that she would have been dumped in from upstream less than twenty four hours from when she was first found, and that’s where they investigate. 

It’s there that they finally get a real lead. The killer themself was usually extremely cautious, and as such, the footage from any security cameras by where they committed the crime was always corrupted. It was why it was so hard to find them and why they seemed as if they could appear and disappear at will. 

Most of the cameras in the parking lot near the river they investigate are corrupted, except for one. It was newer, a different model from the others and sporting slightly different technology, likely rendering whatever technology the killer usually used to disable the cameras useless. 

They’re finally able to get a look at the killer. As suspected, they were a young male, tall and in shape, likely in his twenties or thirties. His face is hidden by a dark face mask and he sports large sunglasses, a cap pulled down over his eyes so that it’s impossible to see his identity. The police aren’t able to catch the license plate of the car, either, not from the angle of the camera, but the model of the car is in plain sight. 

It feels sickening as Xie Qingcheng watches the grainy footage of the killer looking around and taking a large suitcase out of the trunk of the car, walking off to an isolated area by the riverside completely shrouded by vegetation and out of the camera’s line of sight. He has to shake away the feeling to instead focus on looking at the car. 

While he wasn’t someone who was particularly familiar with different types of car brands and models, it’s clear just by looking at it that the killer is wealthy. At such a young age, too… it was unlikely the wealth came from his own achievements, he was likely from an affluent family. 

Though the short, grainy camera footage doesn’t show the killer’s face or identity, it was the only true clue they had, and Xie Qingcheng clings to it. He analyzes it again and again, watching it over and over to try and see if there was anything he might have missed the first dozen times he’s seen it. 

It’s Chen Man who finds the most valuable clue. Maybe it really was an asset to have young people in the team– out of everyone, he was the only one who was familiar with what was trendy, the brands that people cared about. 

There were many people who had the same model of car as the killer in the video, but though the black hoodie he was wearing seemed inconspicuous enough and didn’t seem to have anything very unique, after zooming in on it and picking apart the pixels, Chen Man had noticed the brand of the hoodie. More specifically, that it was a limited edition. 

As it turned out, the hoodie was especially popular among the wealthy and a specific version that could only be pre-ordered. It had sold out in a matter of minutes and there were only so many people who had been able to get their hands on one. Things like clothes from certain brands were status symbols among the wealthy. How could they not rush to get their hands on it? 

The hoodie, the car– after contacting the company who sold the hoodies to find recent buyers and looking through records of who had the specific model of car seen in the video, a list of suspects is formed. After more investigation and a long, tedious process of elimination, the list is whittled and chipped down.  

Eventually, the list of suspects is narrowed down to only three people: Businessman Huang Chengyong, student He Yu, and doctor Gao Pengli. 

The moment Xie Qingcheng sees He Yu’s name on the list, he chokes on his own saliva and spends a solid minute coughing. 

Zheng Jingfeng slaps his back, frowning. “What is it, Xiao Xie? Calm down, have some water. I know you’ve been working a lot these days.” 

Once Xie Qingcheng recovers from his coughing fit he gratefully takes the water bottle from Zheng Jingfeng, taking a long slip. 

He sets it down and rubs at his eyes, looking back at the list of names. When he realizes he hadn’t made a mistake, realizes He Yu’s name really was on the list, he doesn’t know how to feel. 

It had been a while since he had thought about that kid. The last he had heard from his parents, he had gone off to Europe to study abroad and was doing well for himself. Every once in a while Xie Qingcheng would remember him and hope he was doing well, but he hadn’t really thought about him more than that. 

After so long of not having heard anything about him, seeing his name on the list of suspects for the Huzhou killer has him in shock. Though it was true He Yu had a mental illness that made him violent and out of control when he was having a flare up, he had been a kind child. He was so against hurting others to the point that he would rather mutilate his own body then take his violence out on other people. How could a child like that grow up to become an infamous serial killer? 

Hadn’t Xie Qingcheng taught him enough? In the years they had spent together, he had thought he was making progress with him. He Yu had been able to keep control of his emotions well enough, never lashed out at others, and only seldomly hurt himself. Though it wasn’t as if anything was confirmed, just the fact of his name being on the list of most likely suspects at all makes Xie Qingcheng feel uneasy. 

By now, how old would He Yu be? Twenty-three, twenty-four? He had already nearly been at Xie Qingcheng’s eye level the day he had left him, and that was when he’d only been fourteen. In height and build and with wealthy parents… he really did fit the description. Him being on the list wasn’t a mistake. 

It doesn’t take long for Chen Man to see the list. Once he does, he has a similar reaction to Xie Qingcheng. “He Yu? The oldest son of the He family? That He Yu?” 

He had been a part of the investigation and had been especially prominent in regards to helping with clothing and car brands, and so he should have known about He Yu being discussed and found information related to him. It seems he’s surprised to see him on the concrete list of suspects, though. 

“He’s so young… I can’t believe he’s really on here. Why would someone like him choose to kill people? He has so much money and he’s not even twenty-five, his life is already set,” Chen Man says.

Zheng Jingfeng narrows his eyes at the list, sighing. “You could say the same about everyone on the list. All of them are filthy rich. Just goes to show you that there are crazy people everywhere.” 

While the age of the suspects had been placed between twenty and late forties, out of all of the ones on the list, He Yu was the youngest. Xie Qingcheng looks down at his name for a long time, feeling something uncomfortable settle in his gut. 

He had spent his time with He Yu teaching and guiding him so that he would be able to live his life just as any “normal” person could. He had wanted him to be able to go to school, make friends, go to college, get a job, and build meaningful relationships with others. If he were truly the killer, it would mean that he had thrown his life away before he could even reach thirty. Before he could even reach twenty-five. 

Xie Qingcheng shakes his head, letting out a breath. There were multiple suspects, nothing was confirmed yet. The best thing to do would be to go into this without any biases. Whoever the killer was, it didn’t matter what their backstory might be or how they had lived their life up to that point. They had stolen dozens of innocent lives and they needed to be found before they could take any more. That was the most important thing. 

The main goal is to move as quickly as possible to avoid any more lives being lost. This killer worked fast, and so there wasn’t any time to waste. The police didn't have any proper physical evidence for any of the suspects, and so they immediately start investigating each and every one of them. Xie Qingcheng even goes to the He residence to question He Yu’s parents, but they don’t seem to have any knowledge about his whereabouts or what he did in his free time. 

It shouldn’t be surprising. It isn’t, really, considering how much they had neglected him. It still frustrates Xie Qingcheng though. He had been able to at least partly mitigate the neglect by keeping He Yu company when he was alone and didn’t have anyone else, but after Xie Qingcheng had left, who knew how his parents were treating him. What if they were the reason he snapped and decided to start killing people, letting his illness get the best of him? 

Each investigation is as thorough as it can be without putting off the suspect. There was the worry that if they knew they were being investigated they would run away or suddenly lash out, and so the police have to be as discreet as possible. 

And yet, the more they investigate, the less hope there seems to be. There’s more people second guessing over if they had even found the right suspects in the first place. After so much extensive investigation, only one of the suspects had been found doing anything illegal at all, and that had been tax evasion, not murder. 

While it slightly relieves Xie Qingcheng that that at least meant there didn’t really seem to be any evidence indicating He Yu was the one committing such inhumane and brutal crimes, it’s also endlessly frustrating. The video they had gotten from the camera, while short and grainy, had been the only true piece of evidence they had. If it didn’t lead anywhere and they couldn’t find any evidence from the suspects, they would be back at square one, and even more victims would be taken without anything they could do about it. 

A month and a half after they had first compiled the list of suspects, Xie Qingcheng finds himself sitting in an undercover vehicle with Chen Man outside the gates of the He residence. It was one of the few times He Yu had actually gone home since they’d begun monitoring him. 

While Xie Qingcheng was fine monitoring the other suspects, he felt particularly uneasy monitoring He Yu’s activity. He forces himself to stamp down any bias he has, making sure to be purely objective in each thing he sees. 

If he was even seeing anything at all. They had been sitting in the car just watching for what felt like all day, and yet nothing had happened. They had gotten there at noon and the sun was already almost completely set, all with absolutely no movement or change in scenery. 

Chen Man yawns, clearly struggling to keep his eyes open as he leans his head back and groans. “How long do they want to keep us sitting out here? Nothing’s happened all day.” 

Xie Qingcheng gazes out the window at the expansive He residence. They couldn’t park on the actual property and couldn’t get too close to the gates either, and so the actual mansion itself looked rather far away. 

After looking at it for a moment and deciding it was only really necessary to have one pair of eyes watching anyway, he says, “Go to sleep if you’re tired. I’ll keep watch.” 

Chen Man drowsily shakes his head. After a moment, he slaps his cheeks, pinching his brows. “No, I’m a police officer. This is my job, people’s lives are on the line.” 

Xie Qingcheng glances at him before turning to look back out the window at the towering mansion. He wants to tell him that as long as one of them saw something it would be fine if he took a nap, but after seeing the look on his face, he decides not to say anything more. 

The sun has set, the sky completely dark when He Yu finally leaves. The path to where his car is parked is well lit, and the suitcase he drags behind him is easily seen. 

As soon as Xie Qingcheng sees it he jerks to alertness, feeling an awful sense of deja vu from the security video, where a man of both He Yu’s height and stature had walked from the same car He Yu was currently walking to, all while having a similar suitcase. 

“Ge…!” Chen Man begins, and Xie Qingcheng holds a hand up. 

“I know. Be quiet for now, just watch.” 

Any personal feelings Xie Qingcheng might have, he stamps them down as he and Chen Man intently watch as He Yu walks towards his car, pulling the suitcase behind him. 

Walking towards his car inadvertently means walking closer to where Xie Qingcheng and Chen Man are stationed. Though there’s other cars parked around them and though the windows are tinted with it being impossible for He Yu to be able to see through them, both Xie Qingcheng and Chen Man lower themselves in their seats a little. 

He Yu gets closer and closer until he suddenly stops, seeming to remember something. He’s in the vicinity of a streetlight, making everything he’s doing visible as he suddenly leans over and unzips the suitcase. 

Xie Qingcheng finds his breath faltering as he intently tries to get a look at what exactly it is that’s in it. The angle makes it difficult to see inside the suitcase itself, but after He Yu pulls out a jacket and slips it over his shoulders, he tilts the suitcase a little to zip it back closed, giving just enough of an angle to see that the only thing inside it is clothes. 

After that, he resumes casually walking to where he’d parked his car, and Xie Qingcheng’s heart lurches back to where it had originally been in his chest. At the same time, Chen Man releases the breath he had been holding with a groan.

“I really thought he– damn it!” He runs a hand through his hair. “Even now we still don’t have any evidence. What if it turns out none of the suspects lead anywhere? Even if they seem suspicious, if we don’t have evidence, we can’t do anything.” 

Xie Qingcheng doesn’t answer as he continues watching as He Yu finishes walking to his car and unlocks it, popping open the trunk and moving to put the suitcase inside. Chen Man shares the same worries as him but he doesn’t find himself thinking about that now. 

Instead, he replays what just happened in his mind as he watches He Yu get into his car. 

When he thinks about it clearly… didn’t it seem a little too convenient? What had happened with the suitcase and car, and even with He Yu wearing a similar thing to what the killer in the camera footage had been wearing… to open the suitcase in an area conveniently lit, tilting it just enough so that anyone who happened to be watching could see what was inside… 

Why had he even felt the need to get a coat out in the first place? While it was anything but warm outside, it also wasn’t particularly cold either, and it wasn’t as if the distance from the door of the house to his car was particularly egregious. He could turn on the heating system in his car once he got in, so why would he feel the need to suddenly stop and go out of his way to get a coat out of his suitcase? 

The more Xie Qingcheng thinks about it, the more unsettled he feels. All evidence and signs they had up to this point pointed to the fact that whoever the killer was, they were intelligent. He  knew firsthand how intelligent He Yu was. If he knew that he was being monitored and had also somehow managed to get his hands on the security footage, then doing something like this would make him seem more innocent. Or, if not innocent, it would certainly feel like a mockery to anyone who had seen the footage. 

He had made it a show to rifle through the suitcase to grab the coat, making it especially clear there wasn’t anything else in it but clothes. 

But was that really true…? 

Maybe Xie Qingcheng was just looking too much into it, desperate to have something he could latch on to after so long of running around in circles going on a wild goose chase. Yet, he can’t help but feel that if nothing else, this was at least an exceedingly strange coincidence. 

In any case, there still wasn’t any evidence. It was about time they head back home anyway, and he sighs. Another day had passed and it seemed like they still weren’t any closer to figuring out who the killer was. What they needed wasn’t strange occurrences. What they needed was solid evidence. It was the only way things would hold up in court, especially since all the suspects were powerful and wealthy. If the evidence wasn’t strong enough they could just throw enough money in front of themselves until they paved a path of green out of their predicament. 

Xie Qingcheng is about to tell Chen Man that it’s about time they go back when he suddenly notices a dark spot in the area He Yu had stopped to get something out of his suitcase. 

It’s barely noticeable and only really a small spot, but he had been staring at the same surroundings for hours and was able to easily notice any changes. That spot definitely hadn’t been there before He Yu had stopped to open his suitcase. But then, what was it?

Xie Qingcheng squints, but while he was wearing his glasses and was able to see properly, it’s still just far enough away that he can’t clearly make out what it is. He takes out his phone, going to the camera and pointing at the small spot as he zooms in as far as he can go. 

Zoomed in like this, he can see it just a little more clearly than he could with his eyes. That much is enough. 

The spot is red. 

How many things were there that would result in spots of red? 

Suddenly feeling the hair on his arms rising, his heart rate spiking, Xie Qingcheng immediately turns the car on and turns to Chen Man. 

What the hell had been in that suitcase? Had it really just been clothes? “Chen Man, do you see the spot where He Yu stopped to open his suitcase?” 

Chen Man looks up from where he’d been frowning to himself, turning to look out the window. “Yeah, I see it. What about it?” 

“I need you to go over there and take a sample. I think it’s blood.”

Chen Man straightens. “Blood? But–” 

“Hurry up, go! I’ll follow He Yu’s car, he couldn’t have gotten far yet!” 

Nodding, Chen Man stumbles out of the car and jogs over to the gated fence of the He residence where a security guard is waiting. Xie Qingcheng doesn’t waste any time stepping on the gas, speeding in the direction he was sure He Yu had gone. 

All the while a multitude of thoughts slam against his brain and swirl throughout his head, but he forces them to be coherent, instead trying to just focus on driving, cursing that he doesn’t have any police lights he can turn on. The only saving grace is that there isn’t much traffic as he races after He Yu’s car. 

It could be assumed that He Yu was heading back to his apartment. The longer Xie Qingcheng drives though, the more he realizes it would be difficult to catch up to He Yu trying to trail behind him without also being reckless in how he drove and putting people in danger. Information like where He Yu lived and where he usually went throughout the day was information he had already memorized, and so he decides to take a shortcut, turning off from the main street he’s on and planning to cut He Yu off on a side street he knows he’ll take.  

On a residential street at night there’s nobody out, let alone any cars, and so Xie Qingcheng drives quickly as he makes it to the street he guesses He Yu is going to turn down, knowing that this wouldn’t work if he didn’t get there first. 

When he finally gets to the proper street he can only hope he got there before He Yu, moving to stop at the side of the road and planning to turn to block it once he spotted He Yu’s car. 

He doesn’t fully know what his plan is. All he knows is that he has to check what’s in the suitcase. If there was nothing nefarious and there really were just clothes, then fine, he didn't find any evidence. If he did find something though… It was important to know. It was important to find and get the killer away from society, even if that killer happened to be a kid who used to be his patient. 

As expected, it doesn’t take long for He Yu’s car to pull up. Xie Qingcheng can see the headlights, can see the familiar front of it as it drives. He’s right about to turn so that he’s blocking the road when the car suddenly stops. 

That couldn’t mean anything good. For a moment he questions whether or not he should block the road anyway, when suddenly, he hears the sound of He Yu’s voice. 

It’s deeper than he remembers it being. “You cops are terrible at being undercover. Do you really think I haven’t noticed you sitting outside my house all day?” 

Though Xie Qingcheng can’t see his face both from the tinted windows of his car and the way he shines his headlights straight at Xie Qingcheng, his voice is calm, almost amused. He doesn’t sound at all like how a suspect being investigated for murder would sound like, and Xie Qingcheng frowns.

After a moment, he slightly rolls down his window and calls out, “Since you know I’m with the police, it will make everything go faster if you cooperate.” 

While he wanted to search He Yu’s car, there was the problem of it still being on. He could suddenly drive away if he wanted to and there was a chance he had a concealed weapon, and so Xie Qingcheng decides to play it safe and stays in his own car. 

Though He Yu had seemed fine with talking before, he suddenly goes silent. It’s quiet for a long time as neither of them move, before Xie Qingcheng decides to try again. “Turn your vehicle off and get out. Under the law I have the right to conduct a search if I deem it necessary.” 

He Yu is silent for a while, and Xie Qingcheng almost thinks he’s about to back away and drive off when, almost inaudibly, he hears him say, “...It’s you.” 

It’s you. 

Something uncomfortable rustles within Xie Qingcheng’s chest, but he ignores the slight feeling. His voice is cold, authoritative. “I repeat, turn off your vehicle and get out so that it can be searched.” 

If He Yu’s voice had been barely audible before, then his short laugh now can clearly be heard. It’s unclear what exactly he’s laughing at when suddenly, the sound of police sirens pierce the air near their vicinity. 

Just in case Xie Qingcheng truly found anything in the suitcase, he had called backup to get a better control on the situation. They were all stationed nearby and so it hadn’t taken them too long to arrive, it sounded as if they were only a few blocks away. 

He Yu’s laughter stops. Before Xie Qingcheng can say anything else he jerks, moving to duck down when his vision is suddenly filled with a blinding light that makes him unable to see anything. It seems He Yu had turned on his obnoxiously bright high beams, effectively blinding him, and he momentarily stays ducked down in case He Yu planned to use that momentary blindness to retaliate with a weapon. 

By the time he’s recovered his senses the light is gone and so is He Yu’s car. Xie Qingcheng’s heart rapidly beats as he immediately moves to drive after where he might have gone. After a while of driving in circles though, he finds that he completely lost him. 

When he realizes he’d missed his chance, he curses, lowering his head and clutching the steering wheel, but there’s nothing he can do. It’s as if He Yu had really become a ghost and disappeared into thin air.

Chapter Text

Two days later, a man’s mutilated body is found under a bridge. The blood matches the blood Chen Man had sampled from the stain on the ground. 

He Yu was the killer. 

When Xie Qingcheng finds out, he’s filled with so many different emotions he isn’t even sure what feeling comes out as the most prominent one. Shock, disgust, sadness, anger, it all courses through him. To add on to everything, after that night Xie Qingcheng had seen him, there had been no sign of He Yu at all. It was as if he had disappeared from the grid entirely, an action that further incriminated him. 

Xie Qingcheng knew about how bad He Yu’s illness was. It was an all encompassing thing that couldn’t be ignored for even a day. Emotions had to constantly be stifled to prevent a flare up, and it was difficult to properly sympathize and relate with other people. In this way, those with Psychological Ebola often went about life feeling as if they were hiding their true selves under a mask, forever unable to let themselves feel the emotions of normal people. Not if they wanted to be able to have any semblance of a normal life. 

It was difficult. It was an extremely difficult thing to do, required an entire life’s worth of effort, but it needed to be done. It needed to be done, and so Xie Qingcheng had stuck by He Yu for years and guided him, taught him the proper ways to handle his illness to avoid hurting others and himself. Though such an illness often felt all-encompassing, it wasn’t all that made a person. Rather, it was just a facet of who they were. Something like that shouldn’t keep them from freely living their life as anyone else would. 

He had thought he’d taught He Yu well enough. When he had left, though it was earlier than what was originally planned, at the time, he had believed in He Yu’s abilities. He had believed that He Yu knew the most important things he needed to know and would be able to grow into a functioning member of society without ending up in an institution somewhere. 

He Yu is the Huzhou killer. 

And yet… 

How had this happened? How could things have reached this point, where He Yu had not only lashed out from his illness, but had taken dozens of lives in the process? His illness only made him so out of his mind to where he was unable to even think about anything but vicious, violent things when he was having a flare up. Then, was it implied that each murder he committed was in the midst of one? 

That thought is too absurd. If that were the case, then just how often was He Yu having flare ups? Psychological Ebola was an illness such that each flare up subtly altered the brain, with each progressive flare up becoming worse and worse until it reached a point that the patient was no longer able to function. From there, their life often didn’t last for much longer and they were usually kept in an institution for the safety of themselves and others. It’s what happened to the other patients, when they had been alive. 

Just how bad was He Yu’s mental state right now? It would be the only thing that explained him having such frequent flare ups. If it was the case that he was killing people even when he wasn’t having a flare up, though… 

That thought chills Xie Qingcheng’s heart even further, all the way down to the core, as if trying to alter the speed in which it beats. 

Though He Yu had always been different from others, often isolated and without any true friends, and though he had suffered since birth from such a serious disease… he had a kind heart. He would sooner hurt himself than take that violence out on others. 

So why…? 

Xie Qingcheng feels… uncomfortable, knowing that a patient of his had ended up on such a path. There was no longer any hope of He Yu being able to live a normal life. There was just no going back from something like this. 

Xie Qingcheng’s also feels anger, so much so to where he can barely stand it. It feels as if it’s about to burst from his chest like an oil fire doused with water. He had already been angry that so many lives were being lost, but knowing who had caused their deaths and having a personal connection to them almost makes it worse. 

How could He Yu do such awful things to so many people? He had taken so many innocent lives, had completely shattered others. He had ruined families and tortured people, mutilated them. He had left parents without children and children without parents, partners without each other. It wasn’t that he just killed people– what he did to them before killing them was truly inhumane. Not even a wild beast was so vicious and violent. 

Just how much must the victims have suffered in their last moments? How scared must they have been? 

And yet He Yu had murdered them in such brutal ways. What sort of beast had he become, in only a few years! Having an illness didn’t excuse this. Nothing excused this, no excuse made up for the people that had died. 

When Xie Qingcheng had lost his parents, his entire world had been shaken to where he could barely keep himself on his feet, having to plant them into the ground as harshly as he could to keep himself from falling by sheer force of will. Losing his parents, having to take care of Xie Xue on his own when she had been so small, finances, school– everything had been so hard back then. Only because he had shut down his emotions and focused on doing what needed to be done had he been able to get through it at all. 

Each time someone was killed, it didn’t just affect them. It affected their families and friends, too, affected so many related lives. It was a reason why Xie Qingcheng had decided to become a police officer– he knew how painful it was to lose people, to not have closure on the cause of their deaths, to have one’s life completely altered by the heartless acts of another. It wasn’t fair. Life wasn’t fair, but with this job, he would be able to make it a little fairer. It was his responsibility to ensure the terrible things that went on in the world wouldn’t go without just punishment. 

It’s why he feels even more angry now. He’d dealt with countless criminals during his time as an officer and had seen the worst of people. He knew how awful people could be when pushed to the extreme and how terrible some people seemed to be even without extraneous sources affecting their actions. 

The fact that it was one of his past patient’s who had done all this– it really does feel sickening. 

He and He Yu had held a normal doctor-patient relationship. It had mostly just been a job to Xie Qingcheng and a way to pay back He Jiwei for how much he’d helped him throughout the years. While it had only been a job though, it was also true that Xie Qingcheng fully and truly wished that each patient he had was able to get help. Whether that meant fully curing themselves or learning how to properly live with their illness and keep it in check like in He Yu’s case, he’d worked hard in the hopes of achieving a future like that for them. 

Seeing that his time spent with him hadn’t helped, and that one of his patient’s had clearly ended up letting their illness get the better of them and ruining not only their own life, but the lives of dozens of others… 

It really was disappointing. 

Ultimately though, Xie Qingcheng tells himself not to overthink it or let any biases get in the way of anything related to the case. In the end, it didn’t matter that He Yu was his past patient. It didn’t matter that, even after the years Xie Qingcheng spent guiding him, his illness still got the better of him. 

What mattered was that the killer’s identity had been discovered. Now that they knew who it was, they had the ability to detain He Yu. All that was left was actually finding him.

It was as if He Yu knew he’d be found out. As soon as suspicion really fell on him, he disappeared. From the obvious blood from the suitcase and how quickly the body had been found, it was almost as if he had been trying to get caught.

But then, if he were trying to get caught, why would he run away like this once he was properly incriminated? It didn’t make any sense, but Xie Qingcheng has to remind himself that none of this did, to not assume things based off of preconceived notions of what “made sense.”  

The fact that He Yu had once been a patient of his didn’t matter. He couldn’t reliably use what he knew about that He Yu to try and make sense of the behavior of this one. It was best to think of them as two people independent of each other. He didn’t know what his situation was like now, hadn’t known in years. Who knew what his life had been like after Xie Qingcheng had left? 

The one thing he can be certain of is that He Yu is smart. He wouldn’t do things without meaning. He wouldn’t easily be caught if he didn’t want to be caught. 

***

“...He’s just toying with us now,” Zheng Jingfeng sullenly says. 

The mood in the office is tense, the faces of the officers lined with stress and disbelief as they look through the files of the several new cases that had sprung up after He Yu had disappeared. His murders before had been easily identifiable in the extremeness of just how violent and gruesome they were, especially in how mutilated the bodies often were by the time they were found, but that was really all they had in common. 

If it didn’t use to be clear, then now, it’s immediately obvious he’s the one committing them. 

While in the beginning the victims didn’t seem to have anything in common and seemed to really just be whoever He Yu felt like killing at the time, the victims after his disappearance all bear a disturbing resemblance to each other; Each and every one is a man between the ages of thirty to forty, with a slim and tall body type, shorter cut hair, and a sharp face. 

The moment Xie Qingcheng had realized it he had felt sick to his stomach, furious. The moment everyone else had noticed, they’d all had similarly sickened looks on their faces, though those looks were also laced with confusion. Only Xie Qingcheng knew the true relationship there had been between himself and He Yu. Not even Xie Xue knew he had served as He Yu’s personal doctor. 

Maybe He Yu had been planning on murdering more people anyway. Maybe it was expected, even, that he would take more victims. The fact that the new victims clearly bear a resemblance to Xie Qingcheng makes everything feel so much worse though, makes it feel as if lives had been lost because of him. 

What makes it even worse is that He Yu starts to leave messages. Notes, letters, left in blood and flesh, skin. While to anyone else looking at them they might seem like general messages directed to the police force, to Xie Qingcheng, they feel unsettlingly personal. As if He Yu were speaking directly to him and telling him to do better, to find him faster, couldn’t he catch him? He truly was toying with the police and everyone else involved in locating him. 

Chen Man paces back and forth, rubbing at his forehead. “What’s wrong with him!? Why is he suddenly doing this?” 

Xie Qingcheng is silent for a long time as he looks down at the pictures from one of the most recent cases. A smile had been formed on the victim’s face by stabbing pins into their skin to hold the flesh in place, the words “How soon do you think we’ll see each other again?” written in blood in front of his body. 

It could be taken as He Yu just talking with the entire police force, but Xie Qingcheng has the feeling it’s only meant for one person. It’s truly sickening. 

After taking a moment to shake the uneasiness from himself and block away the unpleasant feelings that make his heart tremble, Xie Qingcheng quietly says, “He Jiwei is an old friend of mine. I used to know He Yu when he was a child.” 

“So he’s specifically targeting people that look like you now? How is that sane! What is he doing?” Chen Man exclaims, turning to look at him.

“It would be a detriment to investigate him through the lens of ‘being sane.’ His actions aren’t predictable and though they might be logical to him, they often won’t seem logical to us.” 

Xie Qingcheng finally tears his gaze away from the disturbing smile of the victim who looked so much like himself, closing the file and setting it down on his desk. 

Really, the only reason that made sense of why He Yu was suddenly doing this really was that he was toying with them. Or, more specifically, that he was toying with Xie Qingcheng. 

But why? Xie Qingcheng knows he hadn’t been the best person he could have been in the years he had spent with He Yu, nor had he been the best doctor. He wasn’t perfect, and he had never had a particularly pleasant personality. He knew this and knew he might have been a little harsher to He Yu than he should have, colder. At the time though, he had also thought it was better to acclimate He Yu to such treatment so he could build up a tolerance for things that upset him. If he became upset too easily and lost control of the leash tying his mind to his emotions, it would mean having a flare up. If he couldn’t stop himself from having flare ups, he really would end up living the rest of his life locked away in a mental hospital hidden away from society. 

Did He Yu hate him for that? Had that been enough? He Yu had been a lonely child, and Xie Qingcheng had been there to see just how badly his parents had treated him, as if he wasn’t even their child. He had tried to intervene when he could, but there had only been so much he could do back then. Had He Yu noticed that and begun to grow resentment in his heart towards him? Why else was he doing something like suddenly taking victims who looked like Xie Qingcheng? 

He tries to force himself to think more rationally. It was just as he’d told Chen Man– trying to figure out the reasoning behind each and every one of He Yu’s actions wasn’t always the best thing to do. What He Yu might think made sense, it would seem like complete nonsense to someone else. While it was good to try and think of the cause, in some cases, it would just lead to running around in a loop without discovering anything important and achieving nothing but frustration. 

Zheng Jingfeng rubs at the creases on his forehead. They seemed to have gotten deeper, more defined, during his time spent on this case. His eyes are full of worry as he looks up at Xie Qingcheng. “It’s clear the Huzhou killer has a strange fixation with you… Xiao Xie, this has become even more dangerous. If you want to step off this case and move to something else, I wouldn’t blame you.” 

Xie Qingcheng frowns. “Wouldn’t blame me for what? Running away? Why would I do something so cowardly?” 

“It isn’t about what’s cowardly or not. This is your life on the line! It’s already disturbing enough that he's been doing this!” He widely gestures to the stack of case files. “What if he comes for you?” 

“So what if he does? It would be better if he came out of whatever hole he’s hiding in to face things directly.” 

“Xiao Xie, don’t be a fucking idiot! Think about your sister! If something happens to you, what will she do? She’ll have no family left!” 

Seeing the argument, some of the men in the room begin to nervously step out with excuses of having to use the bathroom or wanting to grab something to eat. Even Chen Man looks a little nervous as Xie Qingcheng crosses his arms, a cold look on his face. 

Quit the case? He Yu had murdered so many people by this point, had ruined so many lives. Xie Qingcheng had been on this case since the very beginning, and since the very first body had been found, he had vowed to find and catch whoever the killer was. To keep any more lives from being taken and destroyed, he had vowed that he would do it. 

Now that he knew the killer was He Yu, and seeing the way he was toying with them– how could he possibly quit now? How could he even think of running away like a damn dog with its tail tucked between its legs? The sooner He Yu was caught, the more lives could be saved from him. If Xie Qingcheng backed out now, he wouldn’t be able to live with himself. 

Even if he did though, what would that even do? He Yu already knew he was a police officer and that he was on the case, had physically seen him in person. Even if he had inside information and found out Xie Qingcheng was no longer on the case, that didn’t change the fact that he had been. Why would He Yu suddenly resent him any less just because he decided to run away? 

“Xie Xue is grown now. She doesn’t need me anymore,” Xie Qingcheng says, because it’s true. Though he was around to help her when she needed it and protect her, if he was gone, she would still be able to live her life as normal without there being any real problems. 

“You…” 

“Officer Zheng, I know you’re worried about me, but you shouldn’t say things like that. I knew how dangerous this job could be when I took it.” 

He had firsthand seen his parents’ bodies, had personally known Chen Man’s elder brother before he’d been killed. So much death all around him. It didn’t scare him. Rather, it motivated him even more to be a police officer, to enforce justice and help save as many lives as he could to prevent them from being ruined like his had been the moment he had seen the charred bodies of his parents. The victims didn’t deserve to have the perpetrator of their deaths running free. His purpose was to ensure that wouldn’t happen. 

Seeing the look on Xie Qingcheng’s face, Zheng Jingfeng sighs. Lets out a long breath. “You and your parents… always so fucking stubborn. If you want to continue with this case, fine.”

Xie Qingcheng nods. “Thank you. I will.” 

“Just… be careful. Look after yourself. You say Xie Xue wouldn’t miss you if you were gone, that she doesn’t need you anymore, but how do you know that? I think that girl would be devastated if her ge were to disappear from her life. She isn’t the only one, either. We all care about you.” 

It’s not as if Xie Qingcheng hadn’t thought about it before, how Xie Xue might react if he was killed on the job or if something else happened to him. In the end though, he had decided that even if it hurt her at the time and even if she was sad for a bit, she would ultimately be able to pick herself back up. She didn’t depend on him anymore. Even if she was sad, she was a grown woman now and had her own job and place to live. If he was gone, he was confident she would do fine without him. 

Knowing this doesn’t stop him from worrying about her, though. He didn’t need to protect her anymore, and yet he can’t help but think about the strange almost obsession He Yu seemed to have with him. He couldn’t completely figure it out, but if it just stemmed from the fact that they had history together, then couldn’t a similar thing happen with Xie Xue? What if he started taking victims who looked a disturbing amount like her before he decided to seek out the real thing? 

As soon as the thought had first planted in Xie Qingcheng’s head, it had latched onto his brain and dug its roots in. He finds himself being paranoid about the chances of He Yu doing something to her and realizes that maybe he understands why Zheng Jingfeng had been so worried for him seeing all the victims that looked like him. 

Xie Qingcheng starts asking Xie Xue to have dinner and sleep over in the house at Moyu Alley more often, before at some point he flat out tells her to do so. 

It’s after a few days of this that Xie Xue hesitantly says, “Ge, you’re really starting to freak me out… what’s with this all of a sudden? What have you been so nervous about?” 

The things the police had learned about the case regarding the Huzhou killer were classified and weren’t known to the public, and so Xie Xue didn’t know the disturbing resemblance all the recent victims had to Xie Qingcheng, nor did she know the identity of the killer was He Yu. Seeing that she had a personal relationship with He Yu in that they had been friends, Xie Qingcheng feels she’s either the safest person or the most vulnerable person to an attack right now. 

Seeing the nervous look on her face though, he can’t help but frown. He hadn’t wanted to scare her. It was just that he felt better when she was in his view so that if anything happened, he would be able to do something. It gave him some peace. 

He pats her head. “...Don’t worry about it, it’s nothing you need to concern yourself with. Just stay here for now. I’ll drop you off at the school in the morning.” 

That doesn’t seem to completely convince her, but she does seem to at least be just a little less worried. She nods, moving to tie up her hair and lay down in bed, throwing the blanket over herself so that she’s buried beneath it with a mumble of “goodnight.” 

Xie Qingcheng spends a while just looking at the lumped blanket, feeling comforted by the way it rises up and down in time with her breathing. Only when she falls asleep does he finally look away, leaning down to rest on the couch and pulling a blanket up over himself. 

As he does it though, he can’t help his eyes from watching the door, the windows. For a reason he can’t completely place, he finds himself feeling… unsettled. It feels as if someone is watching him, and yet he doesn’t see anyone at all. 

He doesn’t get much sleep that night. 

***

While He Yu had left numerous messages taunting and mocking the police, fucking with them, for a long time there hadn’t been anything that could be used to find him. He was incredibly slippery and careful. Each murder was in a completely different area of Huzhou and there was never a trail left from the crime scene. It was clear the crimes themselves often happened at some other location that was separate from where the bodies were found, but no matter how hard they searched and tried to find clues that led back to it, He Yu was incredibly careful and never left anything behind. 

The main thing they can go by is that each victim has distinctive features– they all bear at least some resemblance to Xie Qingcheng. They were also often either office workers or doctors, and so the police are able to search for people who fit the description and look for where the largest congregation of them are to try and find the areas He Yu is most likely to commit another murder. 

It wasn’t very helpful in that they could only section out large areas at a time, but it was more than nothing. On average, after He Yu disappeared, he’d started killing at a rate of about one person every two weeks, and so they have a time frame of when the next murder is most likely to happen. 

There’s enough police officers that they’re able to station themselves undercover around these hotspots of sorts. They place more cameras, have more officers monitoring the hotspots, and even watch over some of the men who have the closest resemblance to Xie Qingcheng in an attempt to keep them safe. 

A week passes from the last murder, and then another one after that. But then the two week mark passes and He Yu doesn’t commit another murder, hadn’t seemed to have attempted committing another murder, either, putting a wrench in their plans. Even with all the extra surveillance, he still hadn’t made any appearance at all. It was as if he really was a ghost phasing in and out of existence to commit a murder and disappearing again without a trace once it was done. 

And then he does something completely different than what he’s ever done. 

After the fourth week, he commits another murder in an area far outside the scope of where the majority of their surveillance had been. At the crime scene, instead of leaving a message taunting the police and mocking them, it instead had a date with coordinates. Written in flesh and blood, it detailed a specific date, time, and location they should come to if they wanted to save a hostage. 

There’s no information about who the hostage is, nor does He Yu ask for anything in exchange for the hostage. It’s incredibly suspicious, doesn’t make any sense. More than just exchanging something that hadn’t even been specified for a hostage, this seemed more like a trap than anything. Why would He Yu willingly want to have an encounter with the police? Wasn’t he just trying to get himself caught by this point? 

There’s a long debate over whether they should follow the instructions and go to the location at the specified time. It wasn’t just something they could ignore, but at the same time, it also very obviously seemed like a trap. If it wasn’t, it wouldn’t make sense for He Yu to want to interact with the police unless he really was planning to turn himself in. If that were the case though, why was he being so careful about not revealing his location and taking so much care in staying hidden so that his location couldn't be found? 

In the end, it’s too serious to ignore. If there truly was a hostage, they couldn’t just stand by and not do anything while someone’s life was on the line. 

On the day of the exchange, there’s a rainstorm. Freezing water pours down from clouds of gray, the winds strong. The visibility is already bad enough with the rain, but to add on to it, He Yu had also instructed the time to be in the middle of the night, making it increasingly difficult to see anything outside of the lights they have pointed. 

Of course, the police wouldn’t just show up unprepared. It really does seem like a suicide mission by He Yu to want to do something like this. There had been no specifications in the instructions other than the date, time, and location, and the police completely surround the area. Everyone is armed with guns, and there was even a helicopter that was on the way, soon to be arriving. Everything was prepared. 

No matter how one looked at it, there would be no way of escaping so many armed police officers. If He Yu really came, it was almost a guarantee he would be detained. 

And yet, Xie Qingcheng feels that something is off. 

Both he and Chen Man wait inside a car by the nearby woods. It was a remote area, and though the location He Yu had specified was a clearing, it was completely surrounded by trees and shrubbery. In theory, He Yu would be in the middle of the clearing with the hostage and that was why everyone was even more confident about this exchange, but the trees completely surrounding them also put Xie Qingcheng on edge. 

Chen Man anxiously watches out the window as the rain pours from the sky, beating down so loudly it’s almost difficult to hear anything else. “Did he lose his mind? Why would he decide to do something like this? There’s no way anyone would be able to get out of something like this on their own. Is he finally giving up and just trying to get captured now?” 

It really was strange, didn’t make any logical sense. Xie Qingcheng feels himself becoming even more alert the closer the time gets to the time He Yu had specified. There were only a few minutes left. “Don’t be too confident. He might have something he’s hiding.” 

“Hiding? He could be hiding a pack of fighting robot hounds and it still wouldn’t help him! There’s so many officers here, and a helicopter is even coming. How would anyone get out of this? He didn’t even put traps in the area beforehand.” 

It was true. Before they had come, they had thoroughly inspected the area to make sure there weren’t any traps, bombs, or any other devices hidden that could harm the police officers. Just from appearances, it seemed as if He Yu really was planning to just walk into a den of police officers without anything else prepared. It made sense if he was finally tired of killing and wanted to turn himself in. 

If that wasn’t the case, though… 

“...Just keep your guard up,” he ends up saying to Chen Man. 

The wait is tense as they watch the gravel road, the only way of getting in and out. Eventually though, at midnight on the dot, a dark car exactly the same as the car they had first seen in the security footage of He Yu rolls up. 

It stops directly in the center of the grassy area. Xie Qingcheng and Chen Man hold their breath as He Yu slowly steps out, holding an unconscious woman in his arms. 

As soon as he sees her, Chen Man’s eyes go wide in anger. “There really is a hostage!” 

“Stay calm,” Xie Qingcheng tells him. “Just watch what he does. Follow the plan.” 

Though He Yu had shown up to a situation appearing so far from his favor it seemed like a suicide march, he wears a bulletproof helmet and protective clothes, likely having anticipated the snipers that were ready to shoot the moment he got out of the car. He also holds the woman closely and in front of himself, leaning against the car so it would be difficult to get a hit on him. 

That makes it clear he’s planning on getting out of this. It means he likely has a plan of sorts, and Xie Qingcheng feels even more cautious as he watches him. 

He Yu looks around for a while, as if he’s scanning the area. His eyes eventually land on the car Xie Qingcheng is in, and Xie Qingcheng can almost swear he sees a smile on his face. Goosebumps spring up on his arms. 

It’s tense, silent aside from the deafening sounds of the pouring of the rain and the whipping of the wind. He Yu is the first one to speak. “I’m surprised you all came.” 

“Hand the woman over,” Zheng Jingfeng demands, his voice amplified by a speaker. “You’re completely surrounded. Hand her over and then we can talk.” 

He Yu looks at the guns pointing at him. He almost seems amused. “It doesn’t seem to me that you guys want to talk.” 

“You’ve confirmed your identity as the Huzhou Killer. We’re just taking precautions.” 

“Hm.” 

He Yu doesn’t say anything more as he looks back at the car Xie Qingcheng is in. His gaze lingers there as he stares. Xie Qingcheng stares back, watching to see if he’ll do anything. Their eyes meet for a brief moment. 

Eventually, He Yu moves his gaze elsewhere as he speaks again. “Since you all want this woman so badly, you can have her. I guess that was the point of this meeting, wasn’t it?” 

He suddenly shoves her forward away from himself. She limply falls to the ground with a thump, and a rush of police officers with shields move to run closer to her and form a wall, another wave with guns running behind them. It still wasn’t known if He Yu had a weapon or not, but it could be assumed he did.  

“The hostage has been released!” 

“Aim your weapons!” 

Now that He Yu had let go of the hostage, though he’s wearing a bulletproof vest and other protective gear, he was no longer using the hostage as a shield. To begin with, he was a dangerous individual who would get the death penalty anyway if he were to be detained, and so most of the officers didn’t have any problem with killing him now. He was still dangerous, could still pull something out of his ass and cause a problem. 

He Yu puts his hands up, and an officer takes the opportunity to grab the hostage and drag her to safety. While they check her health and condition, other officers surround He Yu. 

Like this, things seem to be going too smoothly. Yet, Xie Qingcheng can’t help but feel that something seems wrong.  

He realizes why when he suddenly hears a deafening bang accompanied by unbearably bright light that leaves him disoriented, blind. 

If things had been quiet and tense, as if there was a rope people were afraid of pulling too thin, then things erupt into chaos now. He Yu had his hands up– it wasn’t clear who had thrown the flash grenade, but as everyone is disoriented, the sound of bullets ring out along with the screams of the wind. 

“Chen Man! Are you okay?” 

“Yeah, I… I’m fine–” Chen Man rasps out.

It’s chaos. As Xie Qingcheng regains his vision he can see what seems like a hundred people erupting from the woods, all with weapons in hand. They charge the disorientated police, causing even more chaos. 

Xie Qingcheng hardly has time to think about that, his ears still ringing, his heart frantically beating. Out of the corner of his eye in the absolute chaos that had erupted he sees He Yu taking the opportunity to escape, sprinting off into the woods, and he doesn’t think, just jumps out of the car and runs towards him. 

“He’s over there! He Yu ran into the woods!” he yells, but his voice is drowned out by the screaming and wind and rain. 

He can only sprint after He Yu, having to dodge away from the random people that had come from seemingly nowhere as they try to block his way and grab him. He doesn’t know where they had come from or how He Yu had managed to get so many people to help him when up to this point it had appeared as if he was doing all his crimes completely by himself. When he catches sight of one of their faces though, or more specifically, their eyes, he feels a chill go down his spine. 

There’s no light in the man’s eyes or really anything seeming human at all. Like a puppet, he tries to block and grab Xie Qingcheng, and Xie Qingcheng shudders as he looks at him.

There was no time to be wasting though, no time to be thinking about anything else as Xie Qingcheng shoves the man away and follows He Yu into the woods. It’s almost impossible to see anything with how dark it is. He can’t run quickly while pointing a flashlight in front of himself and feels as if he’s stumbling through a black hole, the ground underneath him slippery and uneven, the freezing cold rain and wind biting and whipping at his skin. 

His breaths come heavy and labored as he runs after what he thinks sound like footsteps. It’s so hard to tell though, and at some point he decides to just keep running, deciding that it didn’t matter. He Yu was in these woods, was so close. Xie Qingcheng’s only thought is that he has to catch him. He couldn’t let him escape, not when so many lives had already been lost. Not when he could still take more lives. 

Adrenaline pushes him to go faster even when his legs burn, even when it feels as if his lungs are about to give out from the effort of how frantically he’s taking in and pushing out air. 

Only when he feels as if he’s been running for an eternity does he finally stop. He has to lean against a tree to catch his breath as he gasps and gulps for air. And yet, he tries to use that moment of relative silence to listen for footsteps or any other sign of someone being nearby. They were surrounded by trees and shrubbery– it was impossible to move around without causing a racket. Even in the pouring rain and roaring wind, he should still be able to hear something. 

As he leans there and tries to listen, completely soaked, he finds himself thinking about why He Yu had wanted to do this in the first place. What goal did he have by suddenly wanting to gather the police in one area and then use mindless people to cause a distraction so he could run off into the woods? What was the point of that? 

The thought takes longer than it should to come to him. He Yu going out of his way to find people who looked like Xie Qingcheng to kill, mocking the police, leaving disturbing messages for Xie Qingcheng specifically… Even when he had first arrived and scanned the area, his eyes had immediately gone to the car Xie Qingcheng was in. 

It was almost as if… 

Xie Qingcheng jerks, moving to whip his head around when he suddenly hears movement behind him, but it’s too late. 

The last thing he sees is He Yu’s face as he feels a sudden searing pain in his head. His vision goes black.

Chapter Text

When Xie Qingcheng wakes up, the first thing he notices is the throbbing headache he has. It feels as if his skull had been cracked open, as if his brain was beating as steadily and powerfully as his heart might after running a mile. It throbs to no end, his vision blurry, and he curses. Despite laying down, he feels dizzy and groggy, like he might throw up. He’d probably gotten a concussion. 

It takes him a few moments to fully remember what had happened. When he does, he curses again. Tries to push himself up, only to feel as if he really will retch if he moves at all. Instead of trying to force himself to do anything he'll likely regret, he stays laying down, observing his surroundings. 

Looking around, he finds himself in a rather unremarkable basement. Other than being cleaner than what was generally usual, maybe a little bigger as well, there isn’t anything particularly noteworthy about it. 

Except the closer he looks and the more he tries to focus in spite of the haze of fog clouding his brain, it isn’t just clean. It’s spotless. There isn’t a speck of dust to be seen, and though basements often had discolored walls from water damage or mold, looking around, every wall and surface is perfectly even and clear. Breathing in the stuffy air, it smells faintly of bleach and cleaning products. 

It shouldn’t be surprising. If He Yu had brought him there, it must be where he brought at least some of his other victims, too. Judging from the unnatural and almost freakishly clean appearance of the basement, it was more likely than not that many people had lost their lives there. 

The realization has the hair on Xie Qingcheng’s arms springing up, the urge to retch even more prevalent. Though he had stopped trying to get up before due to dizziness and the fogginess of his mind, as the realization of the situation he had found himself in begins to encompass him, he begins fighting to get up again. Who gave a shit if he threw up all over the pristine concrete floor, he had to– 

He doesn’t know how he hadn’t noticed it before. When he tries to push himself up again though, he’s suddenly aware of the rope binding both his wrists and ankles. They’re so tight they bite into his skin with each movement he makes, on the cusp of cutting off his blood circulation. 

For a while he tries to struggle out of the bindings, but it’s no use. The type of knot they’d been tied into must be the type that tightens the more someone moves. It would be idiotic to keep squirming around with that knowledge, and so though he despises giving up so easily, he can only go back to limply laying there, enduring the throbbing headache he has, so unbearable he can hardly even think. 

Fuck. 

He had been careless. He hadn’t expected He Yu to come up from behind him, and definitely hadn't expected to be taken to wherever this was. If he'd been more on guard, more careful, this never would have happened. The only reprieve he has is that it didn’t look like He Yu had managed to capture Chen Man or anyone else on the force. Really, how the hell had He Yu managed to escape with so many armed police around? While carrying Xie Qingcheng, no less. 

For a long time, Xie Qingcheng lays there, mentally cursing and squeezing his eyes shut. The single lightbulb in the room is high powered and bright, not once flickering. It has a cold, white hue, and the rays seem to shoot straight through his skull to make his pounding headache worse. No matter how tightly he squeezes his eyes shut he can’t escape from the brightness. 

If anyone were to ask him, he’d say that one of the fucking worst ways to go was to suffer from a bad concussion and dragged to a torture basement before being violently murdered. He has no doubts about why he’d been brought there and had seen the truly inhumane things He Yu had done to his victims, too awful to even describe. He knows he’s next. 

Though some fear finds its way into his veins, Xie Qingcheng mostly just feels pissed off. Because of the splitting pain within his skull, but also because of the situation itself. Of all the ways he had to die, it had to be due to his own recklessness and in the basement of some kid who used to be his patient. 

Where even was He Yu? Did he always leave his victims to lay there for a while before he started torturing them? Xie Qingcheng doesn’t know how long he’s been laying there but it must have been a surmountable sum of time. 

Time drags by slowly. The sound of the blood pounding within his head, the faint buzzing of an air conditioner, the bright light from the lightbulb, it all does to exacerbate his terrible mood and nausea. At some point he really does vomit a little in his mouth before struggling to swallow it down. Even if this was where he was going to die and even if he was going to be killed soon, he wasn’t about to lay in a puddle of his own vomit. 

Only when Xie Qingcheng is in so much pain he’s about to yell for He Yu to just hurry the fuck up and put him out of his misery, the basement door pushes open. 

It just barely drags on the floor as it opens, but to Xie Qingcheng, someone might as well be scraping a fork against a plate with how awful the sound is. He forces himself not to cringe away, glaring as he watches He Yu slowly walk down the stairs of the basement. 

Despite the crazed look that had been on his face only just earlier when he had been pursued, soaking wet and with a dangerous smile that flashed his canines as he’d run into the woods, looking at him now, he almost appears normal. With his hair haphazardly pushed back, wearing a simple black t-shirt and jeans, he looks like any college student or new grad freshly entering the workforce. 

Only Xie Qingcheng knew who he really was. A beast with human skin. 

He Yu’s eyes are dark as he looks Xie Qingcheng up and down. “It’s good to see you finally awake, Officer Xie. You were out for a while.” 

As he says it, he pulls out a chair from the corner of the basement and sits down. Watches. Like this, Xie Qingcheng feels as if he’s prey being observed by some hungry predator, and he scowls. Even just hearing the sound of someone’s voice has his mind ringing, his expression worsening. 

When he doesn’t reply, He Yu tilts his head. “Choosing not to say anything? That’s no way to treat an old patient of yours.” 

Gritting his teeth, Xie Qingcheng bites out, “What the fuck do you want?” 

“What I want?” He Yu crosses his arms, reclining in his chair. “What do you think I want?” 

It seems like a waste of his time to make conversation with a murderer, one who was about to kill him, at that. Just the sight of He Yu makes him feel angry and sick, worsening his headache, and so Xie Qingcheng finds a wall to stare at and fixes his gaze there, clenching his jaw. 

It’s silent for a while. He doesn’t say anything and neither does He Yu, quietly sitting in his chair. From the small view Xie Qingcheng has of him in his peripheral vision he sees He Yu’s eyes are locked onto him. He doesn't do anything, doesn’t say anything, just quietly watches. It creeps him the hell out. 

Eventually, the disturbing feeling of being silently watched becomes too uncomfortable to ignore. 

“What the hell do you want?” Xie Qingcheng repeats. 

Really, what the hell did he want? Since Xie Qingcheng was in this basement it made the most sense that He Yu had brought him there to kill him. He had no need for money and wouldn’t care about a ransom, and from looking into his past victims he had never kept them long before killing them, either. Why was he just watching him like this? It was creepy as fuck. 

Instead of answering, He Yu asks, “Since when did you quit being a doctor? I never knew you became a police officer.” 

He sounds almost curious, and Xie Qingcheng’s glare deepens. “And I never knew you became a sadistic murderer. Have you gone mad? I’ve never seen cases as brutal and inhumane as the ones relating to you."

He Yu goes silent for a while, something crazed flashing through his dark eyes. “I’ve always been this way. This is just who I am.” 

“Are you fucking stupid? This isn’t you. The illness you happened to be born with doesn’t dictate who you are.” 

Really, what the hell had all those years they’d spent together been for? Xie Qingcheng had acted as his personal doctor, had lived in his residence and had stood by him through his adolescence to teach him how to take control of his illness. It wasn’t feasible to rely solely on medication and at the same time retain a somewhat normal life. Rather, knowing how to take control of his emotions and never get too worked up over things was the only true way to beat his illness. 

These are the things Xie Qingcheng had taught He Yu. Things he had thought he had instilled into him. Though it was true he did leave earlier than what was originally agreed upon and didn’t stay for the entirety of his contract, he’d had more than enough time to teach He Yu the fundamentals. More than the fundamentals, even.  

When they had departed, He Yu had seemed to be doing well. He was a good student who also participated in some extracurriculars. He didn’t have many friends but he wasn’t a troublemaker and never hurt anyone. As far as Xie Qingcheng had known up until recently, He Yu had gone on to live a normal life. 

What went wrong? 

He Yu goes back to staring at him for a while. One of his eyes twitches, and he has an indecipherable look on his face that could almost be considered angry. 

His leg bounces up and down as he crosses his arms, staring at Xie Qingcheng. “...After all this time, you still say the same things.” 

Xie Qingcheng only looks back at him. He Yu rises to his feet. 

“But you’re wrong. The brain is the most important part of what makes a person, isn’t it?” He Yu asks, stepping closer to him. “My brain is messed up. Does that make it any less a part of me?” 

“You know that isn’t what I meant.” 

“If someone has a fucked up leg, would that leg be any less a part of them just because it’s messed up? Even if it’s all mangled and gross, it’s still that person’s skin and flesh, isn’t it? It’s still a part of them.” 

Just what kind of ridiculous notions had He Yu picked up in the time they had been apart? Really, what had happened to him to make him like this? A physical injury and a mental illness couldn’t be compared in that way. 

“Those two things aren’t the same,” Xie Qingcheng begins, and He Yu cuts him off.

“They are. Everyone thinks people like me are abnormal, but who are they to say that? My brain has been like this my whole life. To me, this is normal. It’s a part of me.” 

“Killing people isn’t normal.” Xie Qingcheng locks eyes with He Yu. The eyes he sees are so different from those of that young kid he used to call little devil. “…You understand that, right?” 

He Yu holds his gaze. “People want to kill each other all the time.”

“Thinking and acting on those impulses are not the same.”

For a while, they hold each other’s gaze. Eventually though, He Yu turns away, his hands clenched into fists. “I shouldn’t have expected you to understand.” 

He leaves the basement, closing and locking the door behind himself with a loud click. Xie Qingcheng can only watch as he leaves, and then, watch as the door closes. Despite himself, he can’t help but feel sickly disturbed as he replays their conversation. 

The He Yu he knew as a child hadn’t been like this. He had understood that while he had an illness, that illness didn’t define who he was or make him any less of a person. He hadn’t wanted to hurt anybody and would go as far as injuring himself to satiate his body’s cravings when faced with the alternative of hurting someone. For as long as he had known him, He Yu had been that way. 

Now, it was as if his mentality had been completely flipped on its head. Even if he argued that his illness was a part of him, was him , it wasn’t true. It was a wrong and dangerous way to go about thinking about it. Perhaps what Xie Qingcheng should have said was that even if his illness was a part of him, it didn’t define the person he was. There were ways to get help. 

At least, there had been chances to get help. Now that He Yu had gone and acted on his impulses though, there was no going back, no hope at having a normal life anymore. Even if there were adequate services to help those with mental health issues, which was already doubtful enough, He Yu would still be spending the rest of his life in prison. Or, what was more likely is that he would receive the death penalty.

The more Xie Qingcheng thinks about He Yu, the more uneasy he feels. 

He really didn’t know how He Yu had grown to become like this. The year he had left the He family, he’d been sure He Yu had been able to properly take control of his emotions. In the time they had been apart, too, he had thought he had been able to live his life normally. 

That’s what he’d thought, so how had he come to have such dangerous thoughts about his illness? Not only had He Yu hurt himself, but he had hurt others. No matter how much he was hurting or how serious his illness was, it wasn’t an excuse for how awfully and brutally he had destroyed so many lives. He had taken dozens of victims– each with names, each with lives, each with families. 

When Xie Qingcheng had first learned He Yu had been the one behind the murders, he had been shocked. Now that he’d spoken with him in person after so many years though, he finds his shock growing worse, as well as his unease. No matter how many years it had been since then, it was true that He Yu had been his patient at one point in time. Xie Qingcheng had worked hard to try and prevent a future like this for him. No matter how separated they were, and no matter how poor of a light Xie Qingcheng saw He Yu in now that he’d stolen so many lives and revealed himself as a true beast, it did feel… uneasy, to see what he had become. 

Why was he like this?

Did Xie Qingcheng do something wrong when he had been guiding him as his doctor? 

Or was his decision to leave the wrong one in the first place? If he had stayed for the entirety of the contract and not prematurely left, if he had stayed with He Yu a little longer, would he have turned out like this? Would he have thrown his life away like this? Would his victims still be alive? 

What went wrong? 

Xie Qingcheng lays his head down on the ground, the cool surface acting as the slightest bit of reprieve for his throbbing headache. 

Whatever the case, there was no going back now. Even if Xie Qingcheng tried to get through to He Yu and attempt to teach him again, he has a feeling He Yu wouldn’t listen to him. Now, the only option really was locking him up somewhere. For the dog that ran amok attacking people, regardless of if the owners were the ones at fault, the dog would still be put down. Even if He Yu was suffering from mental illness and it was the main thing at fault, it didn’t excuse him. If he was caught, he would die by the death penalty for his crimes. 

Why are you living like this? Why did you choose this path? 

Xie Qingcheng uselessly tugs at the rope tied around his wrists. In any case, he doesn’t understand what He Yu wanted to do with him. He had assumed he was going to kill him since this was clearly the location where at least some of the other murders had taken place, but He Yu had only come down for a few minutes, stared at him, said a few words, and left. Was his plan to just keep Xie Qingcheng there? Why? 

For a while, Xie Qingcheng tries to keep himself awake, every instinct in his body telling him it isn’t smart to let himself fall asleep somewhere so unsafe. His mind is still foggy though, his head pounding, his throat wrought by nausea. In the end, he can’t keep his eyelids from trembling shut. 

***

When Xie Qingcheng wakes, he’s met with the sight of both a water bottle and a plate of soup dumplings that looked as if they’d been prepackaged and frozen, heated up in the microwave.

He blinks at them for a moment.

What the fuck was this?

Really, what was He Yu’s plan here? If he was feeding him like this it meant he probably wasn’t going to kill him anytime soon unless he was just trying to fatten him up or something beforehand, but though He Yu had done some truly awful things, Xie Qingcheng was pretty sure cannibalism wasn’t on that long and tedious list. 

Was he really going to just keep him there? Why? He Yu was someone who killed quickly and violently. From the evidence they’d amassed from previous cases, there wasn’t anything particularly noteworthy about the short span of time between when the victims were kidnapped and when they were murdered aside from that many of the victims appeared to have been taken to a second location, presumably where this place was.

Xie Qingcheng looks back at the pitiful-looking dumplings and bottled water. 

Was He Yu just fucking with him because he used to be his doctor? There weren’t many other explanations for this behavior.

He spends a long time gazing at the water bottle, suddenly aware of how dry his throat is. Not to mention that while his headache had somewhat subsided, it was still a painful throb that was hard to ignore. Drinking water would probably help, but there was no guarantee it wasn’t poisoned or drugged.

From past cases he knew the methods He Yu used were more violent and bloody, making poison unlikely, but he still finds himself feeling skeptical. He’d be an idiot if he blindly went and consumed anything his captor gave him.

Reaching for the water bottle, though it’s a little difficult to grab with the way his wrists are bound, Xie Qingcheng’s eventually able to grasp it. He lightly twists the cap. When it stays firmly in place, his brows furrow.

It was still sealed, implying that He Yu probably hadn’t put anything in the water, but what about the food? He glances at the wilted dumplings that had already gone cold. Just from looking at them it didn’t seem like they’d been tampered with other than just being microwaved, but he’d rather not take any chances.

It’s what he tells himself before he realizes that really, even if he was drugged, did it even matter? He was already bound and trapped there. No one knew where he was and even if the police started searching for him, He Yu was smart. Xie Qingcheng had firsthand experience in how much of a headache it was to locate him. Wherever this place was, it was probably in the middle of nowhere and difficult to find.

For a while he mulls it over before deciding that no, it did matter. Even if he’d been captured like this, he wasn’t going to go along with everything He Yu wanted like a little bitch. Deciding whether or not to eat the food was one of the few choices he still had, and so he would do what he wanted.

“…Officer Xie, I know you’re hungry. Why are you staring down the food and not touching it? It’s not poisoned, if that’s what you’re worried about.” 

Xie Qingcheng jerks, his heart rate spiking so suddenly it’s almost painful. He whips his head around to the sight of He Yu, sitting cross-legged on his chair with his hand propping up a cheek. 

His eyes are so dark they resemble a pitless void in which no light can penetrate. His gaze meets Xie Qingcheng’s.

When the hell had he gotten there? Xie Qingcheng hadn’t noticed both because of the distraction of the food and water and because of how absolutely silent he had been. How long had he been watching him? Had he watched him sleep, too?

Unease prickles at Xie Qingcheng’s skin, despite telling himself that it shouldn’t. He knew who he was dealing with, had read through every one of his cases, had been his doctor when he was a child. None of this should be surprising.

And yet, he still can’t shake the feeling of unease that had settled deep in his gut. “What the fuck is this?”

“What’s what? The food?” He Yu raises a brow. “Have you gotten so old that your eyesight has deteriorated? I thought it was obvious that they were dumplings.” 

“Why are you doing this?” Xie Qingcheng demands, his features twisting into a look of disgust. “If you’re going to kill me just fucking do it. Stop dragging it out with all this crap.”

“You don’t seem like the type of person who’d want to die. Your life has been pretty good up to now, hasn’t it? Not to mention, you’d be leaving behind Xie Xue.”

Anger flashes through Xie Qingcheng. “Get my sister’s name out of your fucking mouth.”

“I’m not sure how I’ve never noticed before, but the way you speak is really vulgar, Officer Xie.” He Yu shifts his legs a little, seeming a little stiff from how long he must have been sitting there. “I’m surprised you’re still talking that way even in a situation like this.”

“What? Do you expect me to be all polite saying ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ while I’m kept in your torture dungeon?”

He Yu stares down at him before glancing at the untouched food. “Aren’t you going to eat? You should at least drink some water.”

Before, Xie Qingcheng had been planning on drinking some water and debating whether it would be a good idea to eat the food. Now that He Yu had brought it up though, even just the idea disgusts him. 

Though he’d been holding the water bottle, he tosses it away. Maybe he’d drink it later, but he’d rather die than give this bastard the satisfaction of doing it right in front of him. “Thanks for the  concern.”

He Yu silently watches as the water bottle rolls away. He seems almost exasperated as he gets up to where it had rolled to, kicking it back towards Xie Qingcheng’s general direction. 

“Dying of dehydration is a really painful process.” He says it as if he hasn’t murdered people in ways that were a thousand times more painful and inhumane. 

Xie Qingcheng feels so disgusted he can hardly bear looking at him for a minute longer. Though it feels humiliating being in a position like this, laying on the floor with his wrists and ankles bound, he forces himself to roll over so that he’s facing the other way. 

To his dismay, only a few moments pass before he hears the sound of footsteps walking over to the side he’s facing. He’s once again met with the sight of He Yu’s face.

It looks conflicted, impatient and exasperated. It makes Xie Qingcheng’s headache worse just by seeing the stupid expression, and so he closes his eyes, turning his head away. 

“Open your eyes,” He Yu demands, and Xie Qingcheng ignores him.

In the next moment, his chin is grabbed so forcefully it’s almost painful as his head is yanked up. His eyes fly open at the sudden violence, met with the sight of He Yu’s flashing ones. If he had been taking on the appearance of a normal college student earlier, then now, his mask falls.

With an unamused laugh and a lowered voice, a crooked smile pulls at his lips. It doesn’t reach his eyes. “I’ve never met anyone like you before, Doctor Xie. Usually I don’t have to ask twice.”

“You’re mistaken if you think I’m going to act like a meek little victim just because you brought me here.” He Yu wanted to act tough and menacing? Fine. Two could play at that game. Lowering his own voice, he continues. “Go fuck yourself, you depraved piece of shit.”

Xie Qingcheng wasn’t impenetrable. He was still a person and still felt things like fear. Even now, unease sits in the pit of his stomach as he’s reminded of the compromising situation he had been forced into, completely at the mercy of a man who was fully and truly insane. 

Even then, despite the fear he feels, he doesn’t let it show on his face or in his body language. He would do everything in his power to avoid giving He Yu the satisfaction.

In the end, Xie Qingcheng had been his doctor for years. He knew better than anyone what his symptoms were. More than just bloodlust, it was the suffering of others that people afflicted with such an illness craved. In that way, even if no actual blood was shed, if the victim was clearly scared out of their mind it would still feel satisfying, even if not as satisfying as actual violence.

A quiet laugh rings throughout the room, sounding stale. He Yu still hasn’t let go of his chin. Rather, his grip tightens into something almost bruising.

“Don’t touch me,” Xie Qingcheng bites out. 

Who knew where the hell He Yu’s hands had been. No matter what, at the very least, they were stained by blood. That, he knew. 

He Yu forces him to tilt his chin even further up. In response, Xie Qingcheng jerks forward and tries to bite him. 

He Yu pulls away before he’s able to make contact, seeming surprised. “Maybe I should muffle you, too. It seems your mouth is also dangerous.”

“I’d like to see you fucking try.” 

If he tried it, Xie Qingcheng really would put his all into biting off at least one of his fingers. At least then, things like holding a knife would be more difficult. It would be better if he went even further by trying to take out the thumb, the most useful appendage. That way, it would be difficult to capture any more victims. 

For a long time, He Yu seems to be thinking about something. In the end though, he only shakes his head. “No, it would be too boring to do that.”

So it seemed like Xie Qingcheng’s purpose there was to serve as a toy to entertain him. Fucking great.

The phantom touch of He Yu’s fingers lingers on his chin, the resulting revulsion causing bile to rise up his throat. That, and adding on to how the splitting headache he’d only just been able to somewhat suppress had worsened after he’d jerked away, and it takes all he has to suppress the way his brows want to furrow in pain.

He Yu looks back at him, before suddenly grabbing his chin again. Xie Qingcheng thrashes and growls, but he can do nothing to get out of the bruising grip He Yu has on him.

“One of your eyes is really dilated, Officer Xie. It looks like you might have a concussion.”

“No fucking shit.” What did he expect after smacking him upside the head with something so violently he had lost consciousness? “I told you, get your filthy hands off me! Let go!”

Thankfully, He Yu really does let go of him this time, glancing back at the unopened water bottle laying nearby. “One of the ways to help concussions heal faster is to stay hydrated. You haven’t drinken anything in more than a day.”

Xie Qingcheng turns away. He had decided that as long as this bastard was in this room, he wasn’t touching any of the food or water. If he wanted him to have them so bad, fine, but he wasn’t going to do it while he was watching. 

“Don’t you remember? When I got a concussion by banging my head on a wall during a flare up, it was you who told me how important it was to stay hydrated. Why are you being such a hypocrite now?” He Yu presses, as if it’s a matter he actually cares about, and Xie Qingcheng finds himself feeling even more pissed off and confused.

What was the point in keeping him there? Why worry about his health, either? One could argue it was because they had history, but it’s not as if that history was particularly noteworthy or deep.

They had simply been doctor and patient. Nothing more, nothing less. Xie Qingcheng hadn’t been overly cold to He Yu when he’d been with him, but he also hadn’t necessarily been overly kind, either. He had taught him the things he needed to know, gave him care when he needed it, and made sure his illness was kept in check. 

It had just been a job, a job he hadn’t necessarily wanted to take in the first place. Only because he owed He Jiwei had he agreed to look after his sick son. It had been on contract. When he had left, that had been that.

It was clear his teachings hadn’t helped anyways, judging from how He Yu had turned out. Since that was the case, there should be no reason He Yu would want to keep him there. The only thing Xie Qingcheng can think of is that he was doing this as revenge for Xie Qingcheng not curing him properly and preventing him from going down this path, but he wasn’t doing anything of the sort. In fact, he was worrying about his concussion. The concussion that was only there in the first place because he had caused it. 

What the hell was going on here?

He Yu grabs the water bottle and tries to hand it to Xie Qingcheng. “You should drink at least some of it now.”

Xie Qingcheng doesn’t take it, keeping his hands tightly curled into fists. In a way, it’s satisfying to see the annoyance beginning to spread across He Yu’s features over not getting his way. After all the hardship he had brought on others, a slight inconvenience was the least of his worries. 

If nothing else, if Xie Qingcheng wasn’t able to put him behind bars and avenge the victims, at least he’d be able to make his life a little more difficult.

Exasperated, He Yu’s movements go even more violent. “Just drink it! Why are you being so difficult? I’m trying to help you!”

Xie Qingcheng looks him squarely in the eyes. “Why?”

He Yu doesn’t answer, growing even more incensed. With a growl, he rips the cap off and once again grabs Xie Qingcheng, by the jaw this time.

His blunt fingertips dig into the sensitive skin, and Xie Qingcheng’s mouth parts around a soundless gasp of pain. He Yu takes the opportunity to forcefully shove the water bottle into his mouth. 

Water splashes over Xie Qingcheng’s chin and clothes, dripping onto the floor as he thrashes with wide eyes, sputtering. He tries to yank his head away but He Yu forgoes gripping his jaw to instead grab the hair on the back of his head, holding him in place as he forces the bottle into his mouth. 

Xie Qingcheng hadn’t been expecting it and hadn’t known to take in a breath. The longer he’s held in place and forced to swallow, he realizes that He Yu fully intends to have him drink the entire bottle. He can barely breathe as he’s forced to stay in place, and he feels the blood rushing to his head as his bound hands uselessly try to shove He Yu away.

Only when the bottle is emptied does He Yu let go of him. Xie Qingcheng gasps, coughing and sputtering as he gulps in air. His face and clothes are wet, the entire area a mess of water. He feels as if he might vomit. 

Never before has he ever been forced to do something like that, especially not as a grown man, and humiliation fills him. His cheeks burn, anger pulsing through every vein in his body, so much so to where he feels they might burst.

“He Yu, you motherfuckering— you dog! What are you trying to do!?”

He Yu wipes at some of the water that had gotten on himself from the struggle, casually picking up the discarded cap of the water bottle. “Get some rest, Doctor Xie. I’ll bring more things to drink later.”

With that, he leaves again. Xie Qingcheng can only continue gasping for breath on the floor, angry and humiliated. His shirt is soaked.

Chapter Text

He Yu stays true to his word and brings Xie Qingcheng a handful of new water bottles, sitting there and waiting for him to drink them like he has nothing better to do than watch a grown man drink some water. 

While the first time Xie Qingcheng had rejected it, he still hadn’t gotten over the humiliation of having the bottle shoved into his mouth and being manually forced to drink it. Even if he didn’t want to obediently do whatever He Yu wanted, it would be far more humiliating to go through that again, and so he drinks the water by himself without a word.

He still hasn’t touched those nasty-ass soup dumplings. It was difficult to keep even just water down with how nauseous he’s been; it seems the concussion he’d gotten was a little more severe than he’d thought. If he were to try and eat those he suspects he really would throw up.

Maybe it would be good to time eating them with when He Yu visited so he could vomit on him. Maybe that would show that asshole. 

Then there was another problem— the bathroom. 

He Yu had been forcing Xie Qingcheng to drink an entire bottle of water what felt like every hour on the dot. The outcome of that was what anyone could expect.

Xie Qingcheng was a grown man. He hadn’t been a student in school for years and went when he had to without asking anyone. The idea of actually asking He Yu, some murderous kid thirteen years his junior, to go to the bathroom, is so shameful and humiliating his pride keeps him from doing it.

Not only that, but he doesn’t know how He Yu would react, either. If he just handed him an empty water bottle and bucket to use and forced him to sleep next to his own piss and shit, he might really lose it. By that point, he would be no better off than an animal in a crappy zoo. 

He sits there uncomfortably, closing his eyes and trying to not think about it. It was really too shameful.

There was only so long he could last. When He Yu visits again with yet another bottle of water, Xie Qingcheng looks at him with a dark expression.

“How much more water are you going to give me? Let me out, I need to pee.”

At that, the bastard has the gall to look surprised, as if he hadn’t just been forcing him to drink what must have amassed a gallon of water.

Xie Qingcheng feels irritated and humiliated for having to ask but the alternative was pissing himself, and that would be worse than any shame he feels now.

He Yu still has that dumb look on his face. Xie Qingcheng is about to ask what the hell he’s so confused about before He Yu almost offhandedly says, “Right. I’ve never kept anyone alive for this long. I’ve never thought about that.”

Hearing the way he so casually talks about his murders has the hair on Xie Qingcheng’s arms sticking straight up. This beast of a human really felt no remorse at all. He was nothing more than an animal. 

“I’ll let you out for a few minutes,” He Yu says. He grabs one of Xie Qingcheng’s arms to pull him up, and Xie Qingcheng jerks away.

“Don’t touch me!”

He Yu lets go of him. “It’s not like you’re a girl. Why do you care if I touch you?”

Because you’re a reprehensible piece of shit. Because you’re a fucking murderer. Because I just don’t want you to.

It’s more difficult than he thought it would be to get to his feet. For however long he’d been there he’d been laying on his side, because of his nausea and dizziness, but also because it would be hard to fully get up with both his wrists and hands bound.

He quickly affirms why he hadn’t attempted it much earlier. With how his vision slightly swims and how soon bile rises up his throat, he’s only able to get up by putting his back to a wall and using his legs to push himself up, with the wall acting as support. He Yu’s watchful gaze as he does so irks him, but it was at least better than getting help up.

The next hurdle is the stairs leading up to the door of the basement.

With how Xie Qingcheng’s ankles are tied together, it’s difficult to take full steps. He shifts most of his weight to the wall and tightly grips the railing, drag-hopping his way up, ignoring the amused exhale He Yu makes and refusing to look at whatever stupid expression is probably on his face. Even if this looked ridiculous, he wasn’t going to rely on He Yu for help. He could do it himself. 

He Yu steps around him to unlock the door, pushing it open. For the first time in who knows how long Xie Qingcheng sets a foot outside the basement, and he discreetly takes in his surroundings, keeping his head facing in one main direction as his eyes flick around. 

They’re in a hallway, warm light bleeding through the windows. The first thing he notices is how strikingly clean everything is. He’d known He Yu was a bit of a germaphobe when he’d looked after him years ago, and it seems that trait had grown with the passing years. That, and it was likely to erase all traces of his victims.

He Yu sees him looking. An unreadable expression passes over his face. “Don’t think you can escape, Xie Qingcheng.”

So they were on a name basis without using any other titles now, was that right? 

Xie Qingcheng quietly follows He Yu down the hallway, continuing to look around. He wasn’t stupid. He knew that, at least for now, there wasn’t any chance of escaping. If he tried to run away like this he’d probably just end up falling on his ass and being thrown right back into that basement.

Since he could assume He Yu would let him out like this whenever he had to use the bathroom, this wasn’t his only chance. There would be more opportunities to escape later, and so he uses this time to just figure out the layout of the house.

They don’t have to walk very far to get to the bathroom, but even still, he’s able to have a general idea of where everything is. The size of the house itself surprises him; it wasn’t small, but it definitely wasn’t very big, either. It seemed Young Master He’s parents probably hadn’t had anything to do with the purchasing of this place, but that isn’t surprising.

Xie Qingcheng finds himself thinking about them. What would they think if they knew their son had turned out like this? 

A part of him thinks they’d be horrified, yet another part of him says they probably wouldn’t be very surprised. Even when he was just a little boy, they had never seen He Yu as a normal person, looking at him and only seeing his illness. Perhaps they had expected things to end up like this from the very beginning.

He Yu opens the bathroom door for him, gesturing to it. “It’s all yours.”

Xie Qingcheng glares at him, walking past him and into the bathroom. When he goes to close the door though, He Yu moves to hold it open, and Xie Qingcheng’s glare deepens.

“Get out.”

“No.”

“What the fuck are you doing? Don’t tell me you have a piss kink or something?” Xie Qingcheng tugs at the door. “Let go.”

He Yu glances at him. “It would be stupid to let a hostage out of my sight.”

“Both my hands and feet are tied right now.” Xie Qingcheng holds his bound wrists up for emphasis, trying to pull his hands apart. They don’t budge. “If you’re so lacking in confidence you think a man bound by the wrists and ankles would be able to actually escape from you, I’d recommend picking up another hobby. This clearly isn’t working for you.” 

He Yu’s brow twitches in irritation. He looks past Xie Qingcheng into the bathroom, seeming to make sure of something, as if anything Xie Qingcheng could use to escape or defend himself could possibly be in there.

Finally, he lets go of the door, and Xie Qingcheng immediately slams and locks it. Though he’s aware He Yu most likely knows how to pick locks and that he isn’t safe just because he’s behind a locked door, it still makes him feel better to have a barrier separating the two.

Xie Qingcheng doesn’t waste any time relieving himself, sighing and dreading when he’d next have to inevitably ask He Yu again in a few hours. Rather than immediately flush the toilet though, he pauses.

He Yu was undoubtedly standing outside right now. He would be able to hear if he was finished if he flushed the toilet and started washing his hands.

It’s not as if Xie Qingcheng planned to spend all day in a bathroom, but being there was less stuffy than a basement. There was also a locked door separating the two of them as well as a window that let some sunlight filter through. 

He bathes in the sunlight, inspecting the window. Though it isn’t exactly surprising, he’s still disappointed to find it’s too small to climb out of. Something like that would probably only be feasible for someone the size of a child.

Next, he fiddles around the cabinets and cupboards. They’re packed with bleach and other cleaning supplies, nothing particularly useful. He could in theory make a cocktail of them and slip it in He Yu’s food or something, but he can’t see any scenario where He Yu would knowingly ingest anything he’d make. Not to mention, the smell and taste would immediately make it obvious. Maybe he could mix some bleach with ammonia and gas him with the resulting chloramine, but he had no safe way of guaranteeing he wouldn’t harm himself in the process.

Faced with these facts, Xie Qingcheng lowers the toilet lid and sits on it. His hands just barely shake, and he suddenly realizes that he’s trembling.

…Really, how did something like this happen? Was this what his life had been reduced to? Was there really any chance of escape? With the way things were now, it seemed unlikely.

What if He Yu eventually grew tired of just having him around and decided to kill him? Xie Qingcheng wasn’t particularly afraid of death, at least, not to the extent of others, but He Yu’s methods of murder were truly awful. Anyone would be scared of that happening.

He looks down at his trembling hands, finally really beginning to shake now that he was by himself.

…Scared, huh? 

As the reality of the situation settles on him he feels even more nauseous, bile rising up his throat, cold sweat making the fabric of his shirt stick to his back. He’s just barely able to scramble up and raise the toilet lid in time before he vomits, his chest heaving.

He closes his eyes once he stops retching, taking in a deep breath as he forces his body to relax, to stop trembling. 

There was no use letting things like fear take over him. This was his reality now, and so the best thing he could do was accept it and do what he could to escape.

There’s suddenly banging on the door. Xie Qingcheng just barely flinches and hates himself for it.

“Are you having diarrhea or what? What’s taking so long?” He Yu calls out, sounding almost anxious. 

Xie Qingcheng steadies his breathing before responding. “I’ll be out in a second, calm down. It wasn’t that long.”

With that, he finally flushes the toilet and washes his hands, making sure to rinse his mouth out and splash water on his face while he’s at it. He still feels like shit, but finally having vomited makes his nausea ease up a bit. By the time he opens the door his trembling has completely stopped, the fear and hopelessness that had suddenly come to the forefront of his mind being shoved to the back of it.

He Yu looks him over as soon as he comes out, gazing at the water on his face and mouth. Xie Qingcheng habitually goes to cross his arms— when he realizes he can’t, he lets out an irritated noise. 

“What? Does washing my face off somehow inconvenience you?” When He Yu only stares at him, Xie Qingcheng glares right back. “That’s what I fucking thought.”

“I’ve never seen your hair look so messy, Doctor Xie.” He Yu says it as if that’s what he’d been focusing on, and Xie Qingcheng shivers a little at his uncanny gaze.

He hadn’t been able to style it in the past who knows how long, and he’d been a little more sloppy than usual when washing his face. Some water had gotten into his hair and some locks had fallen down into his face without him realizing it.

It wasn’t kept very long because he disliked it getting in his face and found the new trend of men having more feminine hairstyles distasteful. Almost subconsciously, he pushes his hair back down, smoothing it back.

For some reason Xie Qingcheng can’t decipher, He Yu suddenly seems a little irked as he moves to walk back to where the basement is, keeping Xie Qingcheng in his line of sight at all times as he gestures for him to follow. “Bathroom break is over. Even if you try to stall for time up here, it’s not going to help you.”

Xie Qingcheng doesn’t feel like gracing that with a reply and silently follows after him, his eyes narrowed.

***

As the time drags on, Xie Qingcheng still isn’t any closer to figuring out why He Yu is keeping him there. He’d been expecting torture or something, but rather than do anything, when not forcing him to drink something, He Yu comes and watches him.

He doesn’t do any more than that. He really just sits down in his almost too pristine wooden chair and props a cheek on his hand, staring at him without saying anything. 

Though Xie Qingcheng doesn’t let it show, it really is unsettling. He almost thinks it would be better if he was tortured or something, rather than having someone staring at him so intensely like this. 

After the first few days he had stopped feeling the need to talk, and so had He Yu. And yet, despite it not benefiting him in the slightest, He Yu spends what feels like hours each day quietly watching Xie Qingcheng, as if observing him. He sometimes tries to make conversation, but since Xie Qingcheng refused to play along, he had mostly just settled into silence. 

In the beginning, Xie Qingcheng had questioned him and asked why he was doing what he was doing. He Yu never gave him an answer with any substance though, and so at some point, he had stopped bothering. He really had no idea what was going on inside his head anymore.

In Xie Qingcheng’s eyes, it seemed more like a hassle than anything to keep him there. Not only did he have to supply him with food and water as well as supervise his trips to the bathroom, but he also wasted time out of each day to just sit there and watch him. 

Was he just lonely or something? Was that it? Despite knowing that He Yu has never really been one to forge genuine friendships with anyone, surely whatever he could scrounge together would be better than this. Was he really able to get his socializing points just by staring at Xie Qingcheng? 

Who knows how many days pass like that? Boring and monotonous, so bleak that Xie Qingcheng feels as if he might go crazy if he spends another day locked up in this damned basement, as if he was a display for He Yu’s personal use that he used when he wanted to entertain himself with his sick hobbies. 

It doesn’t take too long for him to mostly recover from his concussion, but as soon as he begins to make progress there, he has to deal with fucking withdrawals of all things. 

He really wants a cigarette. He really fucking wants one. 

Normally, taking a drag would calm him down in stressful situations and ease his mind. He found himself even pulling one out when he felt the slightest bit inconvenienced or bored. It wasn’t out of the ordinary for him to go through an entire pack in a day. 

Going from that to not having access to any at all makes him feel as if he really might lose his mind on top of the persisting boredom and unease he constantly feels. The headaches he starts getting are different from the pounding one he’d had from his concussion, and he finds it difficult to fall asleep. His already sour mood from being in a situation like this in the first place only gets worse when every time he feels the need to pull out a cigarette he isn’t able to.

As a doctor, he’s seen cases like this and knows it’s mostly just mental, knows that this will pass, but as a person, that knowledge doesn’t make him feel any better. 

One day when Xie Qingcheng feels especially irritable, craving a cigarette more than ever, he cracks the silence and interrupts He Yu’s creepy-ass silent staring session he had been in the middle of for the past thirty minutes. 

His voice has felt especially dry lately with how often he’s been coughing as a side effect of the withdrawals, and his words sound gruff at best. “If you’re going to do nothing better than stare you might as well grab me a pack of cigarettes.” 

He Yu perks up a little at the sound of his voice, raising his head. It wasn’t often that Xie Qingcheng initiated conversation, and the sight of He Yu’s weirdly hopeful face makes a feeling of disgust spread throughout him.

Despite initially perking up, when He Yu slows down and processes what exactly he’d said rather than just the fact that he’d said something, he doesn’t look very impressed. “Even in a situation like this you’re asking for those things. Even if you’re not a doctor anymore, you should know how bad those are for you.” 

Xie Qingcheng is aware. He just doesn’t care. 

“Why does my health matter to you? What difference does it make if I’m sick or healthy if all I’m doing is rotting away down here?”

It seems his question is too close to asking about why he was being kept there in the first place because He Yu’s lips close, and Xie Qingcheng huffs, cursing to himself and rolling over to be on his back as he stares up at the ceiling. 

If this was going to be his life, he really didn’t see a point in living it for any longer. 

To begin with, the two main factors spurring him on to continue living for the longest time had been Xie Xue and the mystery behind their parents’ death. Xie Xue was grown now and didn’t need him anymore though, already had a stable job. There was still the concern of her finding a husband and getting married, but he wasn’t too concerned with that just yet.

Then there was the murder of their parents. Even after more than two decades the case hadn’t been solved yet, and with there having been no leads in all that time, he was finally starting to lose hope in ever getting an answer. 

His lifespan had been cut short the day he had decided to continue taking that drug. Now that he’d lost his main reasons for living, it feels as if his life really isn’t worth much at all. He’d wanted to stick around long enough to be able to help Xie Xue with pregnancy and the early years of the child’s life after she got married, but the money he’d leave behind would serve as support in place of himself if he were to die now.

“Do you really hate it that much?” He Yu quietly asks after a while. 

Xie Qingcheng moves his arms from where he’d thrown them over his eyes, turning to give him an incredulous look once he processes what exactly he’s referring to. Was this guy really even asking something like that? 

Despite how ridiculous the question is, just from looking at him, it seems He Yu really is being serious. 

“...I can’t fucking believe this,” Xie Qingcheng mutters under his breath, before making eye contact with He Yu. “Give me any reason why I would want to spend my time locked away here. Any at all.” 

He Yu frowns, his arms crossed. Despite not seeming to notice he’s doing it, his fingers dig into his skin so deeply the area is left without blood, pale and almost bruising. 

“...You’re safe here, aren’t you?” he says, and Xie Qingcheng barks out a scoff. 

Safe? Being locked up and at the complete mercy of a violent murderer was safe? It seemed the two of them had very different definitions for what that word meant. 

He Yu glares at him. “What? Your normal job as a police officer is dangerous and stressful. Here, all you have to do is lay there and eat and sleep. A lot of people would dream to have a life like this.” 

“Just how delusional are you? Are you being serious?” Surely no one could be as delusional as this kid in front of him, could they? If he was just joking it would be a poor joke, but if he was being serious then that was even more alarming. “If it were up to me, I’d sooner kill myself than spend another day forced to stay in this fucking basement.”

He Yu suddenly stands up, so abruptly that the chair he’d been sitting in crashes to the floor. Before Xie Qingcheng fully realizes what’s happening there’s a crushing weight on his chest as hands roughly encircle his neck and squeeze. 

His eyes bulge, his mouth dropping open with a pitiful croaked noise from how unexpected it is. Out of pure instinct his hands scrabble up to grab at He Yu’s hands around his neck, and He Yu only tightens his grip. 

Like this, though He Yu’s eyes were normally brown, so dark it was as if they were a void lacking in any light, they seem to flash red now, a look in them so wild they almost don’t seem human. As if the beast in him forgot it was supposed to be acting like someone with normal human flesh. 

“You’d rather die, right? That’s what you said, Doctor Xie.” He Yu’s eyes bore into his neck, seeming bloodshot. It’s as if a switch had flipped in him. “If that’s what you want, then die.” 

While at first Xie Qingcheng had instinctively tried to get away from the burning pain, the awful feeling of not being able to breathe, once he realizes what’s happening, he forces his arms to fall back onto his chest. 

He hadn’t just said it to piss off He Yu. He really, truly, would rather die than live another day like this. He found no value in staying alive just to serve as someone’s plaything. It was too shameful. 

Despite his thoughts, Xie Qingcheng is still a person, a living thing, and so every nerve in his body screams at him to get oxygen, to get away from the situation. While it’s difficult at first, he’s eventually able to stifle those thoughts, closing his eyes to avoid the crazed look in He Yu’s eyes. It’s uncomfortable to see. 

If he hadn’t known any better, he would say he almost looked sad.

“Open your eyes!” He Yu yells. 

Xie Qingcheng turns his head away.

“Xie Qingcheng! Look at me!” 

Until the moment he feels his consciousness drain away, he keeps his eyes closed. 

***

To Xie Qingcheng’s disappointment, he wakes up. 

It was too bad. He thought he might have gotten an easy way out of this shitty situation by He Yu doing the dirty work for him. Instead, all that had been achieved was giving him a sore and bruised throat. Just from lightly pressing his fingertips down he can tell the cartilage had been bruised. Considering he could still breathe okay it likely wasn’t too serious, but it was still painful and irritating to deal with.

He touches it for a little longer before looking around. He had gotten into the habit of doing a complete scan of the room whether he woke up after that time he’d been scared shitless from seeing He Yu pop out from nowhere. 

Unsurprisingly, it only takes a small scan to notice He Yu in his chair. He seems upset, lips pursed together. When he notices Xie Qingcheng is awake his eyes narrow but he ultimately doesn’t say anything.

Xie Qingcheng lets out a breath, cringing when even that sparks a violent throbbing from his throat. Who knew how long it would take for the discomfort to mostly go away. If this was a situation where he needed medical care things would get even worse if he just let it be, but what else could he do but just that? He was a hostage. 

He wonders why He Yu had decided to let go. In that moment he’d been strangling him he’d looked irrationally angry, desperate, as if he wasn’t in control of himself and acting on some kind of impulse borne of some desperate feeling. What exactly he felt desperate about, Xie Qingcheng really had no idea. 

Thinking this, he finds his gaze sliding over to He Yu. He looks even more irritated, turning his head to the side as he bounces his leg and jolts his jaw.

Sorry it wasn’t as fun as you thought it would be to choke me out, asshole. 

This He Yu really was more unpredictable, having a much shorter temper than the boy from his memories. 

Xie Qingcheng’s throat uncomfortably throbs as he coughs, cringing a little when just that sparks an explosion of pain. He stiffens, stiffening even further when he feels another cough coming. He’s only able to mostly stop himself from reacting anyway. 

He Yu glances over at him. Though he still seems angry, for some reason it sounds as if he’s almost forcing himself when he asks, “How does your throat feel?”

What did he think it felt like? “Like shit.”

Standing up, He Yu walks over and hands him the water bottle he hadn’t noticed he’d been holding. “Drink some.”

The amount of times He Yu has thrown water at him every time he sensed even the slightest bit of discomfort as if it was some kind of damn magical healing elixir was getting ridiculous.

Xie Qingcheng glances at the water bottle but doesn’t take it, feeling like drinking anything now would only irritate his throat. He Yu’s bad mood noticeably worsens as he tries to shove it at him again. “Doesn’t it hurt? Take it.”

“Do you offer water to all the people you’ve strangled?” Xie Qingcheng pushes himself away from him, speaking quietly as it hurts to be any louder than that. 

He Yu takes a breath, seemingly trying to calm himself down. “If you drink some, your throat will feel better.”

“Did you forget or something? You’re the one who fucking strangled me in the first place.”

“That’s– shut up! Just—” He Yu, strangely enough, seems almost desperate as he uselessly pushes the bottle towards him. Like this, he seems less like the violent murderer he is and more like the little devil who used to follow him around when he was young.

Thinking back to those times only makes the situation now all the more bitter. 

Xie Qingcheng wasn’t afraid of He Yu. He knew his capabilities, but he wasn’t afraid of him as a person. No matter what though, regardless of whether or not Xie Qingcheng was scared of him, the fact was that he was a murderer. By this point, there was no going back to that hurt child who had once only reached his waist. No matter how many things he did that reminded him of that child, he would never be him again.

The display makes Xie Qingcheng deeply uncomfortable for a reason he can’t discern. “You said you want to help, right?”

“I—”

“Yes or no?”

He Yu nods, lips pulled thin.

“I don’t know why you keep acting like drinking water is the end all be all for nursing someone’s health, but it’s getting ridiculous.” It would be best to go to the hospital for an injury like this, but since that isn’t possible in this situation, really the only thing he could do was the bare minimum. Hopefully there wasn’t any permanent damage to his throat. “Go get me an ice pack and painkillers if you really want to help.”

He Yu tightly grips the water bottle, nodding a small nod as dozens of contradictory emotions flash through his eyes. Eventually, he sets the bottle down next to Xie Qingcheng and quickly leaves. 

He returns in record time with what Xie Qingcheng asked for, not meeting his eyes and seeming almost… ashamed, about something. He gives him the painkillers and Xie Qingcheng finally takes the water bottle, taking some water into his mouth as he pops the pill in.

Swallowing is as uncomfortable as he’d expected. He purses his lips and uses all the willpower he has to not let the discomfort show on his face, holding the ice pack up to press against his tender throat. He can’t see it but is sure it has a disgusting amount of bruises with how much force He Yu had used. 

What would be more helpful is if he had some sort of lozenge or spray as well as a humidifier to have moist air to breathe in, but he’d already asked for enough. Floundering around asking for any more of He Yu’s help was unnecessary. He’d only asked for painkillers and ice because he knew He Yu wouldn’t stop badgering him otherwise. 

Despite He Yu presumably having been sitting there watching him for as long as he’d been passed out, now that he’s awake, he seems conflicted. He walks around the room with quick, agitated steps for a while before abruptly turning on his heel and leaving. 

Xie Qingcheng watches the door for a moment before turning away, finally letting the extent of his pain show on his face as he grits his teeth and shakily closes his eyes. 

Chapter Text

Xie Qingcheng gazes at his arms and legs with a tensed brow, frowning at what he finds. He doesn’t know how long he’s been kept there, long enough to have been allowed to take a few showers and for his throat to feel slightly better, at the very least. It couldn’t have been more than a few weeks though, at most a month, and already, he sees signs of muscle atrophy in both his arms and legs.

It couldn’t be helped. With how his ankles were bound it was difficult to walk properly as well as painful with how the rope would chafe his skin if he moved too much. A lot of his time was spent laying down, and though he tried to do some exercise, it was inconvenient with bound ankles and wrists. 

It seemed excessive to have even his ankles bound in rope when he was already securely locked in a basement, but He Yu refused to remove the restraints, as if he was genuinely worried he’d have a chance of escaping. At the most, he’d only lengthened the rope just enough so Xie Qingcheng could walk a little more freely. Running was still out of the question. 

Xie Qingcheng had tried. It really didn’t seem like there was any way to escape. He Yu was careful, in a way that tracked with why it had taken so long to discover his identity in the first place. 

He was constantly being watched by He Yu, as if He Yu found entertainment in silently staring him down. He always escorted him to the bathroom and made a fuss if he took too long. The few times he had been allowed to shower, He Yu had even gone as far as sitting in the bathroom with him.

Thankfully the bathroom was western style and had an actual separate shower so he could use a shower curtain to have some semblance of privacy, but it still made Xie Qingcheng uncomfortable. Under more normal circumstances he wouldn’t have cared much since they were both men, but there was just something about how insistent He Yu was about it that made him uncomfortable. What did he think Xie Qingcheng was going to do, break half his bones and throw whatever fleshy sack was left of his body out the tiny window to escape? It really felt like he was overly paranoid. 

It wasn’t hard to see that He Yu’s mental condition had deteriorated since they’d parted all those years ago. It explained the odd obsession he had with keeping Xie Qingcheng locked away and how anxious he would get when he was out of his sight, so much so to where he would go as far as sitting in the bathroom with him while he was showering.

Xie Qingcheng is in the middle of attempting a squat to try and preserve the muscle mass in his legs when He Yu walks into the room. Normally around this time he would come to give him lunch of some sort, but he’s empty handed as he steps down the stairs. 

Xie Qingcheng only spares him a glance before turning his attention back to keeping his balance, completely ignoring him. It was the one thing he had power over that he knew irritated He Yu. If nothing else, if he had lost most of his autonomy, he could at least do this.

As expected, He Yu begins to grow irritated. “Xie Qingcheng.”

Xie Qingcheng doesn’t look at him and continues focusing on squating. He ignored him in part to piss him off, but mostly, he really just didn’t give half a shit about giving him any of his attention.

Though He Yu would usually just sigh and go back to sitting and watching him, he seems in an especially bad mood today. He walks over with heavy footsteps, grabbing Xie Qingcheng by the shoulder and yanking him around to look at him.

“Stop ignoring me.”

Xie Qingcheng had been mid-squat, and so the yank ends with him landing flat on his ass. A dark look spreads over his face as he slowly picks himself up, glaring at He Yu. “What do you want?”

He begins to back up a little, not liking how close He Yu stands to him, but He Yu only looks more frustrated as he grabs Xie Qingcheng’s wrist and yanks him closer.

Though Xie Qingcheng is annoyed, he doesn’t miss the way heat radiates off He Yu’s skin from where they’re touching. He quickly looks up at his almond eyes and sees that they’re a little red, bloodshot, and he feels a sickening sense of dread begin to pool in his gut. 

He had been lucky these last few weeks in that He Yu hadn’t had any flare ups. While they had been bad when he was a child, they were exponentially worse now. Each one he’d had since he was young had progressively made both his mental state and his resulting flare ups worse and more violent, out of control. Though it was purely speculative on Xie Qingcheng’s part, it made the most sense that he had committed most of his murders in the midst of being in one.

By this point, any medication he might have been taking was sure to be useless, and it was clear he was no longer capable of properly reigning in and controlling his emotions with how bad his mental state was. 

If his previous murders had been the result of him having a flare up, something that made him viscously bloodthirsty and violent while also making him lose his common sense and empathy, then if he were to have one now while Xie Qingcheng was locked in the basement with nowhere to go… 

Xie Qingcheng wasn’t afraid of dying. He had seen firsthand the results of what He Yu was capable of, though. People flayed alive, scalped, limbs torn from their bodies and organs pulled out, decapitations with blunt objects. It seemed with each and every murder he committed he went out of his way to try something new, something even more cruel and inhumane. No matter what he did, each and every murder had one thing in common— it was never quick for the victim.

Xie Qingcheng wasn’t afraid of dying. He was afraid of that.  

Thinking this, Xie Qingcheng forces down the spark of fear that had begun to expand within his chest and forces his demeanor to stay the same as it usually was around He Yu. “He Yu, you need to calm down. You’re in the beginning of a flare up. If you properly regulate your emotions now, you may be able to prevent it.”

Considering how badly his illness had gotten it was unlikely he’d be capable of fully getting himself in check anymore, but things would go badly if he didn’t at least try to do something. 

He Yu still hasn’t let go of his wrist. His grip is so tight Xie Qingcheng feels as if the bones are about to be crushed to dust. 

“Don’t you hate me for everything I’ve done? Why do you care?” He Yu mutters, red eyes locked on Xie Qingcheng’s. His grip on his wrist tightens even further.

Even still, Xie Qingcheng stays calm. “Slow your breathing and clear your mind. Don’t let your illness—”

“I asked you a question!” He Yu roars, shoving him into the wall so roughly Xie Qingcheng has the wind knocked out of him. 

He gasps in breaths of air, doubling over and struggling to breathe as He Yu presses his elbow into his neck. It still hadn’t completely healed from when he’d been strangled, and it sparks an explosion of pain in Xie Qingcheng’s body. His hands rise to uselessly try and push him away.

“You’re a police officer. You of all people should know everything that I’ve done.” He Yu’s voice just barely trembles as he pushes him even more violently into the wall. “Why do you care!?” 

Xie Qingcheng goes to answer, but he can barely breathe, let alone speak, and so he can only uselessly open and close his mouth. He Yu doesn’t seem to truly want an answer because he doesn’t let Xie Qingcheng talk, only intensely stares at him with an expression both angry and hurt.

Xie Qingcheng is shocked to see that his eyes are wet.

“You were the one who left me in the first place,” He Yu murmurs, his voice shaking. “So why are you acting like you care?”

He finally lets go of Xie Qingcheng, and Xie Qingcheng leans against the wall for support, coughing and gulping in breaths of air. Each and every inhale sends a jolt of pain through his injured throat, but he forces himself to ignore it as he looks at He Yu.

Even after so many years, the look on He Yu’s face when he was about to have a flare up was the same, full of trepidation and despair, knowing something out of his control was about to happen to him and there was nothing he could do about it. Despite his grand talk of feigned nonchalance that his illness was just as much a part of him as everything else, that it was his normal, Xie Qingcheng can see in his eyes that it isn’t true. No one could want to be like this.

Rubbing at his throat, Xie Qingcheng speaks after he’s caught his breath, standing up straight and making eye contact with He Yu. 

It had surprised him when He Yu had mentioned him leaving. He hadn’t thought he’d cared. After all, they’d solely had a doctor-patient relationship. Nothing more, nothing less. 

“I care,” Xie Qingcheng croaks, “because it feels shitty to see you sabotaging yourself. Your illness isn’t who you are. It doesn’t define you. It’s just something you happened to be born with.”

He Yu balls his hands into fists. “So what? Even if I magically got better now, I’ve already killed people. What difference does it make if I can control my illness or not?” 

“The difference is that at least you would be in control of yourself. You would be human.”

He Yu stares at him. In the next moment, he sits down in his chair, burying his face into his hands and letting out a long breath. 

As he does so, Xie Qingcheng moves to the furthest corner of the room and stays there just in case he wants to lash out again, silently watching him as he sits there.

Back when Xie Qingcheng used to help He Yu with his flare ups, the main things he tried before resorting to medication was just having He Yu calm down. That usually meant getting him to a quiet place where he could just sit somewhere without any external stimulation, away from people and animals and unnecessary noise so he could try and focus on something that wasn’t the bloodthirsty thoughts and impulsive violent urges he’d get. Normally that was breathing, though sometimes it worked if he let He Yu distract himself with something he found interesting. Fiddling with code on python had usually been his go-to if breathing exercises didn’t work. 

Xie Qingcheng glances at He Yu now, surprised to see that he really does seem to be concentrating on calming his breathing and relaxing his muscles. Maybe he hadn’t completely forgotten about everything Xie Qingcheng had taught him. It was most important to reign in wild emotions and stay calm before things got to this point where he was already getting violent, but it was never too late to try. 

Hopefully He Yu was able to avoid the oncoming flare up by calming himself down before it happened. If not, and if he planned to do what he usually did to his victims, Xie Qingcheng might really take himself out with chloramine gas. Going out that way would be more honorable than however badly He Yu would desecrate his body and corpse. If this was ever discovered and his remains were ever recovered, he wouldn’t want Xie Xue knowing he had gone out like that. 

“...I don’t have anything against you,” He Yu suddenly quietly says, and Xie Qingcheng raises his head, taken off guard. 

If that was the case, why was he keeping him as his prisoner like this? It could be argued that Xie Qingcheng was already being given special treatment considering the fact that he was still alive in the first place, but the bar was in hell, and managing to step over it was nothing exceptional. 

If not for the fact that He Yu must be holding some strange grudge against him for being his past doctor, there really would have been nothing to explain why he was doing all this.  

“If you don’t, why won’t you let me go?” Xie Qingcheng carefully asks. 

If he had nothing against him, if he didn’t plan on killing him, if he went as far as going through the trouble of worrying about his health, why wouldn’t he just let him go?

“Because you’re–” He Yu begins, and Xie Qingcheng pins him with his gaze, wondering if he’ll finally answer the question he’s been asking him since he woke up in this forsaken place. Rather than continue though, He Yu only shakes his head in frustration. “I don’t understand. Why are you…” 

Xie Qingcheng can’t figure out what he’s referring to and can only warily watch him as he stands from his chair and sways a little, his eyes slightly unfocused from his fever. He looks at Xie Qingcheng for a moment, seeming frustrated and unsure about something. To Xie Qingcheng’s relief, he doesn’t suddenly come at him with a weapon and instead somewhat unsteadily walks up the stairs, slamming the door behind him. 

It seemed he was more out of it than usual, having something on his mind that was frustrating him. Xie Qingcheng takes the opportunity to move over to the door, hoping that maybe in his frustration and clouded mind He Yu had forgotten to lock it. 

He hadn’t, and after trying to open it without it so much as budging, he shuffles down to sit on the stairs, staring at the dull concrete walls around him. 

He lowers his head and shivers a little, pulling his knees to his chest. Ever since he was kept locked in the basement it felt like he was always cold. 

*** 

He Yu visits him again the next day.

He hadn’t gotten any better.

As soon as Xie Qingcheng sees the condition he’s in as he walks down the stairs with a predatory gaze, his blood goes cold. He moves as far away from him as he can, holding his bound arms straight in front of himself as a barrier. It’s not much, but it’s the only thing he can do.

He Yu heads straight over to him, clearly in the middle of a flare up. Something in his hand reflects the light of the lone lightbulb in the room. A kitchen knife, Xie Qingcheng realizes, and he feels his blood going even colder.

“Stay back,” he warns, eyes flitting to the door behind He Yu, the only exit. He must be distracted because it was still just barely open. If he could just get these damned bindings off his ankles—

“What’s the matter, Doctor Xie? I’ve never seen you look so scared before,” He Yu says, stepping closer. Xie Qingcheng is completely backed into a corner, and he curses as he tries to think of a way out of the situation. 

No matter how hard he tries, he really can’t think of a solution. His arms and wrists were bound. He couldn’t run or fight back. Even if he wasn’t bound, he had lost muscle mass and had undoubtedly grown weaker after having spent so much time locked away. Even under normal circumstances he was getting older, and He Yu was a young man in his prime. He wasn’t sure he’d be able to beat him under normal circumstances, let alone this.

The only thing he could use were his words.

Straightening his back and lifting his chin up in spite of the instinct to hunch and protect himself, Xie Qingcheng speaks calmly. “You’re in the middle of a flare up.”

He Yu steps closer. By now he’s less than an arm’s length away, and Xie Qingcheng can almost see the bloodthirst in his eyes.

“I know.”

“You’re not yourself when you’re like this. If you do anything now, you’ll regret it.”

He Yu tilts his head, running a finger over the blade of the knife. “Why do you say that? You don’t know me. At least, not anymore. You don’t know what having to live with this illness is like.”

You’re wrong. I do know. I’m the only other person in the world who can understand your pain.

Stop this.

It was possible to conquer this illness. Xie Qingcheng was living proof of that. The only way to accomplish it though, was to first take the necessary steps to do so. 

If such a process of recovery and rehabilitation required steps being taken forward, then He Yu might as well have taken ten steps back over the years. Unless he made a great leap now, it really would be too late for him.

He Yu presses the blade into his finger with so much pressure it begins to bleed. At the same time, he steps closer to Xie Qingcheng, and Xie Qingcheng feels himself begin to panic a little.

“Get the fuck away from me.”

“I don’t want to.”

“He Yu, I’m telling you. Step away.”

“Didn’t you say it yourself? I’m in the middle of a flare up.” He Yu steps even closer now, so close that Xie Qingcheng can feel his warm breath on his face. He feels uncomfortable and disturbed, but there’s no option of escape. All he can do is endure. “As a doctor, you should want to help a patient in any way you can.”

He really was too close. The knife too, and Xie Qingcheng turns his head to the side, gritting his teeth. “Stop talking nonsense. I haven’t been a doctor in years.”

“But to me, you’ll always be Doctor Xie. The person I remember leaving me that day was Doctor Xie.” He Yu looks at him with his almond eyes. They appear bloodred, crazed, as if he were a moment away from tearing a chunk out of his flesh. “Even if you’re not a doctor anymore, it still doesn’t change the fact that I’m your ex-patient.”

The knife was too close. Too close. Xie Qingcheng wouldn’t mind dying if it was only a few stabs, but he knows He Yu wouldn’t just stop there. He’d go past the point of making him become unrecognizable, not stopping until his body was nothing more than a damaged husk of meat and bones riddled with grotesque lacerations.

What would Xie Xue think if she ever found out something like that had become of him? 

Would she be sad? If nothing else, it might scare her. She had already gone through so much with their parents dying in such a brutal way, especially when she was so small. It wasn’t fair to her to let something like that happen again. Not if he could help it. If nothing else, he could try to at least preserve his body. 

“Didn’t you say it yourself earlier? You don’t have anything against me—”

Xie Qingcheng cuts himself off with a stifled groan when He Yu drives the knife into his thigh.

“That’s true,” He Yu says, twisting the knife and taking in a deep breath. It seems to calm him a little. Xie Qingcheng suppresses a grunt of pain. “I didn’t have anything against any of those other people, either.”

Xie Qingcheng tries to shove him away, brows furrowed. “He Yu— think about what you’re doing. Slow down and think, this will pass soon. You have to endure—”

He Yu pulls the knife out, only to violently stab it into his thigh again. His hand imperceptibly shakes. “Why should I have to keep enduring it when doing this will make me feel better?”

It feels as if he’s trying to move a brick wall. Nothing he does makes He Yu budge at all, and he feels his heart pounding so violently it’s painful. 

Never before has he felt so absolutely powerless. Whatever He Yu wanted to do to him right now, he couldn’t do anything to stop him. He was completely at his mercy.

Even just the thought makes him feel sick.

“He Yu!”

He Yu pulls the knife out and runs his fingers across the blood, the metallic smell of iron filling the room. He smears the warm wetness coating his fingertips onto Xie Qingcheng’s cheek with a crazed smile flashing his canines. Like this, he resembles a beast that had finally pinned down its prey after not having eaten in weeks. 

Xie Qingcheng jerks his head away when He Yu shoves his entire body against him, breathing in so deeply he can hear it. “How do you still smell the same even after all these years?”

What the fuck was he taking about? “Get off of me!”

“…Stop talking.”

His warm breath is right against the skin of Xie Qingcheng’s neck, and he violently shivers, trying to push him off again. In response, He Yu raises the bloody knife and presses it against his throat. 

Xie Qingcheng freezes, his breaths coming slowly as he stares at the wall opposite to him.

While he wants to tell He Yu to get off of him, to calm himself down, to remember what he taught him and not let his illness get the better of him, he truly didn’t trust that if he were to talk after He Yu told him to be quiet, he wouldn’t slice his neck open or do worse. His jaw stays tensed shut.

The wounds on his thigh are agonizing as he feels blood seep through his pants. His legs shake, but with the way his ankles are bound he isn’t able to fully take the pressure off his injured leg. He can only stand there and endure, squeezing his eyes shut and not moving as He Yu stays pressed to him with a knife cutting into the tender skin of his throat. 

Though he’d been worried about He Yu losing the last control he had of himself and snapping, now, it almost seems as if he was calming down.

He doesn’t say anything, doesn’t move as he stays pressed against Xie Qingcheng, breathing deeply, as if the smell of the blood was comforting to him. Xie Qingcheng knew it probably was.

While the position makes him deeply uncomfortable to be pressed under another man like this, when he sees that He Yu really does seem to be calming down, he accepts it. If this would help him take control of himself then it was the best thing to do. 

Who knows how long they stay like that? As the time passes though, He Yu starts to get restless again. His hand holding the knife shakes and pushes with more force against Xie Qingcheng’s skin, his breaths coming faster, more deranged, and Xie Qingcheng harshly bites his lip when he feels the blade break the skin.

He’s about to tell him to stop, to get the fuck off of him, when He Yu suddenly pulls away. His eyes are wide and shaky as he jerkily yanks the knife to his own arm and begins slashing at it.

Blood springs from his pale skin already covered in scars as he hacks away at his arm, a desperate look on his face. “…I can’t stand this anymore! I can’t stand it!”

The cuts he inflicts on himself are violent, as if he’s trying to gouge pieces of his arm out, his eyes red and bloodshot. All the while, he screams, “I can’t take it anymore! When will this end, why do things have to be like this, I can’t stand it, I can’t stand it, it feels so terrible, it—”

Xie Qingcheng has never seen any of his flare ups get this bad and feels especially disturbed. On instinct he reaches out to grab for him, trying to get him to stop. 

“He Yu, stop this! Let go of the knife!”

He tries to wrestle it from him but is shoved away, thrown onto the floor. By now He Yu’s wrist is a bloody mess, tears welling in his eyes as he continues to tear away skin and flesh. “Why did I have to be born like this? Why is this the only thing that makes me feel better!? Why!?”

Though it’s difficult to do with his injured leg, Xie Qingcheng manages to quickly pick himself off the floor, using the wall as support.

“He Yu, put it down! You’ve done enough already, let go of the damn knife!”

He really felt very uncomfortable. When did He Yu’s mental state deteriorate so much? By now, he was starting to resemble the other Psychological Ebola patients who had gone mad and died after months of behaving like they were out of their minds, a danger to both themselves and others.

When He Yu still doesn’t listen, Xie Qingcheng grits his teeth and throws himself at him as hard as he can. They both stumble to the floor, and he desperately scrambles to his feet, looking for the knife.

It had fallen out of He Yu’s grip in the struggle, and he lunges for it. At the same time, He Yu does the same thing, eyes crazed. “Why are you stopping me? You can’t help me, you’ve never helped me! I still turned out like this!”

He Yu is able to grab the hilt of the knife, moving to stab it into his mangled arm again, and Xie Qingcheng doesn’t think, just throws himself forward to grab it again.

He ends up grabbing it by the blade. Pain ignites in his hand but he hardly feels it through the adrenaline pumping through him, making it hard to think about anything but the sole desire to just make He Yu let go of the damn knife.

“What are you doing? Let go!” He Yu tries to yank it away but Xie Qingcheng refuses to let go, gritting his teeth so harshly his jaw hurts.

“This isn’t the only thing that will make you feel better. You’ll be able to get through this if you just calm down first! Stop hurting yourself!”

“You’re lying! You’re lying!” 

Even if calming down and reigning in his emotions was a way to deescalate the situation, with the state He Yu was in now, it becomes obvious it wasn’t a valid option. The only thing left was to restrain him so he couldn’t keep hurting himself.

Xie Qingcheng quickly looks around, but there’s nothing he could use to restrain him. Thinking this, he suddenly lets go of the knife.

He Yu falls backward from the momentum of yanking on it, and Xie Qingcheng takes the opportunity to throw his arms around him, pressing his flailing body to himself, forcing the two of them to sit down as he tightly holds He Yu so that his arms are immobilized.

“Let me go! Let go!”

He Yu thrashes in his grip. He had finally gotten the knife back but wasn’t able to use it, and he lets out a guttural sound, jerking and kicking his legs and screaming out. His body against Xie Qingcheng’s is burning hot, covered in blood and sweat and tears.

Hearing the wretched sounds he makes, seeing just how much he had lost himself, all of it makes Xie Qingcheng feel incredibly uncomfortable. Disturbed. 

It was true that He Yu was a murderer, someone who had committed so many atrocities that there was no hope of ever turning back. It was true that by this point, he was a danger both to himself and to society. These things were all true.

It was also true that he used to be his patient. It was true that he’d watched him grow up and had thought to himself that he hoped the child would be able to live a normal life in spite of being born with an illness he had never asked for. 

Nobody deserved this.

After a while, He Yu begins to stop thrashing in his grip, going limp. Though he had been screaming before, now, the only things to leave his throat are raw, viscous sobs as his chest violently heaves.

Xie Qingcheng holds him to keep him restrained, being forced to listen to the awful sounds that make somewhere deep within his heart uncomfortable. 

He finds himself quietly saying, “…Calm down first. This will pass. It will always pass.”

Even after so much time, it seemed he still hadn't lost some habits of when he’d been a doctor

He Yu’s voice is wet, just barely audible and so, so very raw. “…Even if it passes now, it will happen again. For the rest of my life until I die, it will keep happening again.”

Xie Qingcheng shakes his head. “If you’re able to properly regulate your emotions, it won’t.”

“It’s impossible.” He Yu’s voice cracks. “Something like that isn’t possible. I’ve tried. It doesn’t work.”

It’s silent for a while. Xie Qingcheng doesn’t know how to respond to that. He wants to say that it was possible, that he was living proof, that there was hope in being able to overcome such an awful illness. He’d also seen just how badly He Yu had gotten, though. In the other patients with the same illness, by the time they reached the point where they began attacking others and themselves, there wasn’t much time left for them.

The illness got worse and each flare up progressively got more dire the more of them there were. If He Yu kept having them like this, then after even just a few more, he really would lose himself and go completely mad.

“…Why did you quit being a doctor?” He Yu suddenly asks. He sounds as if he’d swallowed a roll of sandpaper. 

It was a question with an answer that could not be uttered. Or at least, an answer that Xie Qingcheng himself could not utter. Not without having to explain everything. 

He Yu finally drops the knife, and the sound of it clattering to the floor seems to echo around the room. Xie Qingcheng lets out a sigh of relief now that there doesn't seem to be an active threat anymore. He Yu was still having a flare up and this peace likely wouldn’t last, but at least for now, a crisis was averted.

The main issue was the injuries. He Yu’s arm was completely mangled and practically had some pieces of flesh dangling off, being kept together by the skin. He needed immediate medical attention. If he died, and Xie Qingcheng was left alone in the basement with no one knowing where he was, there really would be no hope of ever getting out. 

“He Yu, your arm. You need to…”

“…Why did you leave me?”

It’s said so quietly that Xie Qingcheng half thinks he’d been hearing things. Looking at He Yu’s tear-stained face, there’s no indication that he’d said anything at all. 

Xie Qingcheng doesn’t reply.

Chapter Text

He Yu doesn’t come to the basement for a long time after that. 

At first, Xie Qingcheng is slightly concerned about his arm but ultimately decides it was better he was gone and not intensely staring at him or attacking him, instead opting to just leave him the hell alone.

The wounds on his thigh and hand, while not necessarily life threatening, could very well get to that point if they got infected. All he’d really been able to do was rinse them off with some water from a water bottle and rip up his shirt to use as a bandage to stop the bleeding. The cloth completely soaked through after only a few minutes and needed to be changed but he really didn’t have anything else to use. All he could do was hope his wounds wouldn’t get infected. 

It’s impossible to know by anything other than his sleeping cycles if it’s day or night. At some point though, it must have been days without any sign of He Yu coming back, and Xie Qingcheng feels himself beginning to grow anxious. He finds himself wondering if He Yu had gone and gotten himself killed or gotten other people killed. Normally it seemed like he brought his victims to this little house, but there were a few cases that had been spur of the moment crimes of passion where he had suddenly lashed out and hadn’t thought to bring them to a secondary location. 

Half of him worries someone else had lost their life to He Yu, while another part of him worries that He Yu had gotten tired of him and decided to just leave him there. Dying of dehydration was a painful process, and Xie Qingcheng only had one half-empty water bottle left. Though he’d been rationing it, it really didn’t matter how long he could hold on if He Yu never came back. He would die there without anyone knowing what had happened to him. 

The idea of dying in He Yu’s torture basement irritates him to no end. Of all the places, somewhere like this would be his last choice. 

As more time passes though, it really does seem like that’s steadily becoming his reality. He Yu surely had other residences he could stay at if he wanted to and had no reason to stay in this one place, or to even come back. He’d looked around when he’d been let out to use the bathroom and it hadn’t seemed as if He Yu had any personal belongings here. It would be no inconvenience to him to decide to just never come back. 

Xie Qingcheng feels lightheaded, his stomach twisting and turning itself into aching knots as he stares at the water left in his water bottle. Even though he’s been making sure to drink at least some water a day, he can’t help that rationing means he’s constantly dehydrated. Added on to that he hadn’t had anything to eat in who knows how long and he feels weak and fatigued, irritable. 

He lays on the concrete floor, closing his eyes and resigning himself to the fact that he really might die here like this. Without ever getting closure on who murdered his parents, without being able to see Xie Xue again. She was grown now and didn’t need him anymore, but he hoped she wouldn’t be too distraught over his death. 

Well… if he died now, he supposes it wasn’t the worst timing. It would be unfortunate to die from dehydration but it probably wouldn’t take too long. Even if it was painful, things could be worse. Compared to what others have gone through, this in comparison was nothing. 

Thinking this, he curls in on himself and tries to ignore the ache of his stomach, the throbbing of his head. 

***

Despite how much time that passes, when He Yu comes back, he’s still in the midst of a flare up. Even in the most extraordinary of circumstances they would usually never last that long, and the only explanation Xie Qingcheng can think of is that rather than being a continuation of the last one, this flare up was a new one. 

It was incredibly concerning how often He Yu seemed to be having them these days. What could be so tumultuous to him that his emotions had been thrown so far out of equilibrium again so quickly? 

Like last time he’d come to the basement, it had been obvious from just a glance that he had been in the middle of a flare up, from his slightly flushed cheeks to his eyes that weren’t all the way there. Now as Xie Qingcheng blearily looks up at him from where he’s lethargically laying in the corner and sees the expression on his face, he feels his hackles rising. 

For some reason, he feels deeply unsettled as he looks into He Yu’s eyes. They don’t even seem to belong to him anymore– rather, they were the eyes of a murderer. 

Xie Qingcheng pushes himself up to his feet, but even just that makes him dizzy and lightheaded, and he has to use the wall as support. When he had seen He Yu when he was in a flare up before, it had been a general flare up as the result of him losing control of his emotions. Looking at him now though, rather than just seeming bloodthirsty, he seems… angry. Furious. 

“What’s wrong with you? How are you having another flare up so soon?” Xie Qingcheng asks with a croak, tensing as He Yu walks closer to him. While he didn’t have any weapons on him this time, he somehow seems even more dangerous, even more crazed and deranged. 

“I saw the video,” He Yu coldly replies. 

“What are you talking about? You–” 

“Don’t act like you don’t know.”

There was only one video that would make He Yu react in such a way.

Xie Qingcheng realizes. He realizes, and a feeling of trepidation settles down his spine. Of all times, why did he have to stumble across that now? 

It had been so long that Xie Qingcheng had almost forgotten about it. While neighboring doctors knew of the contents of the video, had heard him themselves or had heard of him by word of mouth, that video had never spread. Seeing as he had never seen it spread anywhere he could assume it couldn’t have gotten more than a few handful of views before it was lost in the pitless hole that was the internet. 

That video was… complicated. The things he had said in it, they were all things he genuinely thought, things he felt he was justified in believing. He had nothing to say to defend what he’d said as he’d meant it all. He knew how it would sound to anyone but him and that had been the point at the time, he hadn’t and still didn’t care what others thought about him, but for He Yu to hear those words… It made more sense why he seemed so angry right now. 

How had he gotten his hands on that video, though? How had he found it in the first place? He’d learned from investigations that He Yu was an exceptional hacker and especially savvy when it came to navigating electronics, but even then, he wouldn’t be able to search for something he didn’t know existed. What had he been doing to find it? 

“…Why did you quit being a doctor?”

It was a question He Yu asked him just as much as Xie Qingcheng asked him why he was keeping him here in the first place. This stupid kid, had he… 

When he sees the way He Yu looks at him as he slowly walks over, he feels his hackles rising even higher. Even if he didn’t have any noticeable weapons right now… “Just– calm down first. You’re not in your right mind–” 

“Was I ever in my right mind to you? Tell me, Xie Qingcheng. Was I ever sane in the first place? Have you ever once seen me as a normal person?” 

He Yu is coldly violent as he grabs Xie Qingcheng by the hair and throws him down to the floor. His head slams into the hard concrete, and it feels as if his brain is being rattled within his skull. His vision swims as he weakly tries to push himself up, only to be violently kicked in the head. 

While in all the cases he’s investigated it seemed like He Yu usually used a weapon when committing his crimes, now, he uses nothing but his fists and feet. To begin with, Xie Qingcheng had already been weakened from losing muscle mass as a direct result of how stationery he’s been, but he also hadn’t eaten anything and had barely drank any water for as long as He Yu had been gone. He can only cover his head with his hands, curling in on himself. 

“I don’t even know why I’m surprised. You’ve always been like this, Doctor Xie. I was just too stupid to see it.” He Yu begins violently kicking him, in the head, in the ribs, in the wounds on his thighs. Xie Qingcheng can barely muffle the pained grunts that try and jerk themselves from his lips. “I was so fucking stupid.” 

“He Yu,” Xie Qingcheng wetly coughs out. “I know you’re angry, but just calm down first. You–” 

“‘Calm down, calm down.’ You’re always telling me to calm down!” He Yu shouts, pausing from beating Xie Qingcheng to curling his hands through his hair, yanking him up so that he’s on his knees. Xie Qingcheng feels as if he might pass out. “Do you think I’m stupid? Why should I still listen to you now that I know what you really think about people like me? Do you think I asked to be like this?” 

“I–” 

“I don’t care! Shut up, I don’t want to hear your voice anymore!” 

He lands a punch square to Xie Qingcheng’s nose. It explodes in pain as he feels blood begin to gush out and onto his lips, the taste of iron filling his mouth. He can only try to shove He Yu away but that doesn’t do anything to stop the onslaught of punches and kicks. 

He Yu beats Xie Qingcheng until he can barely breathe, until he can hardly find the strength to keep covering his head. It’s by sheer force of will that he’s able to hold onto his consciousness, not wanting to make himself even more vulnerable than he already was. 

It seemed like He Yu really was going to kill him. 

Only when Xie Qingcheng is limply laying there taking in weak, stuttered breaths, does He Yu stop. He paces around the room. Each step he takes is heavy with killing intent, frantic. He curses and lets out guttural noises, yanking out his hair as he walks back and forth, back and forth. Though it isn’t possible to hear what he’s mumbling under his breath, it isn’t hard to guess. 

Xie Qingcheng’s vision is even more blurry than usual as he looks on at the scene. 

Though he wants to say something, he finds that nothing leaves his mouth. 

He really hadn’t been lying when he had said those words, and anyways, he didn’t feel like explaining it. If doing this got He Yu’s anger out and allowed him to calm down from his flare up without hurting anybody else, then it was okay. He should have expected something like this to happen to him after the wrong person saw the contents of that video. He wouldn't lie and say the things he’d said in it weren’t hurtful. 

Maybe now that He Yu had released some of his rage he’d be able to calm down and try to take back his body from his flare up.

Suddenly, He Yu turns around to look at him. His eyes truly don’t seem like his own anymore, shining red. “...It was all a lie. Everything was a lie.” 

Xie Qingcheng doesn’t say anything, mentally preparing himself for a second round of beating when He Yu walks over to him again and grabs him by the hair. 

Their faces are too close, and Xie Qingcheng looks away, smelling the distinct scent of alcohol on He Yu’s warm breath. Had he been drinking before this? He should already know that drinking and flare ups didn’t go well together, what was he doing?

“Everything that’s about to happen, you brought this on yourself, Xie Qingcheng.” 

Before Xie Qingcheng processes what’s happening and what he means by that his wrists are grabbed and shoved above his head. At the same time, He Yu climbs over him, fumbling at his belt buckle, and his mind goes blank. 

“Hey. What the hell are you doing?” he dazedly asks. “Get off of me.”

“Shut up.” 

Throughout all his fumbling he finally manages to undo his belt buckle. At the same time, he plants wet kisses to the side of Xie Qingcheng’s neck, harshly biting down. 

Xie Qingcheng’s eyes fly wide open as the reality of what exactly it was He Yu was planning to do crashes down on him. As soon as it does, he feels himself blanching, all the color draining from his face as he stares at He Yu in disbelief. For a moment he can’t even be sure this was even real, furiously blinking as he tries to process it, his mind sluggish from fatigue and pain and hunger. 

But then He Yu pulls away from his neck, and Xie Qingcheng is fully able to see the bloodthirsty and deranged look on his face, sickly perverse and inhuman. He realizes He Yu had really gone insane. He was really going to– 

Despite struggling not having done anything for as long as he’s been kept in this forsaken basement, Xie Qingcheng starts almost hysterically struggling to get him off, to get him away. “He Yu, you… fucking get off! Get lost, get off of me! You better get lost! What the hell do you want!?” 

“You’re a thirty year old man,” He Yu breathes out, smiling as he looks down at him, especially deranged. The smile doesn’t reach his eyes. “I’m sure you can guess.” 

“I–” Terror fills Xie Qingcheng. He had faced He Yu before as he threatened to kill him, as he choked him out and came at him with a knife. None of those times compared to the fear that grips him now. “I’m a fucking man! Stop talking nonsense, are you insane? I told you, get lost!” 

“Am I insane? I’m surprised that you of all people don’t remember. Did you forget why you had to spend seven years looking after me?” He Yu leans in closer, their noses almost touching. “I’m sick, Xie Qingcheng. I’m sure you don’t care though, do you? Since you don’t care about the lives of people like me. This must disgust you.” 

Saying this, he presses his lips to Xie Qingcheng’s. 

Xie Qingcheng’s eyes go even wider as he thrashes, trying to jerk his head away. In response, He Yu tightly grabs him by the jaw and forces his head to stay in place. 

Xie Qingcheng feels nauseous, he really thinks he might be sick. He can’t understand why He Yu was doing this. He couldn’t understand it, they were both men, he was his past doctor, he was thirteen years his senior! What did he get out of doing something like this? Didn’t it disgust him? 

Not to mention, out of the numerous crimes he had committed, none of them had been sexual. He knew for a fact that his illness only made him violent, so why was he doing something like this!? 

The kiss is hot and violent, tasting of alcohol and blood as He Yu tries to get Xie Qingcheng to open his mouth. 

How could he do something as repulsive as let another man shove his tongue in his mouth? He stubbornly keeps his lips sealed shut, shuddering. 

After a moment, He Yu pulls away, bringing his fingers up to touch his bloodied lips. “Xie Qingcheng, you dare bite me?” 

Xie Qingcheng glares heavily at him, spitting out the blood that had gotten into his mouth, hoping that maybe it would get him to stop. For a moment, He Yu stares at him, looking as if he might lash out and beat him again. But then he sneers, leaning in to press another bloody kiss to his lips. 

It’s then that Xie Qingcheng remembers who exactly this was above him. Violence wouldn’t help anything. In fact, drawing blood would only excite He Yu. 

Faced with these facts, he can only squeeze his eyes shut and endure it, trembling. Though he had once been married, not once in his life had he ever been kissed so passionately and violently before. At some point He Yu gets even more aggressive about pushing his tongue in and Xie Qingcheng really can’t take it anymore, steeling himself to bite down again. 

Just the movement of barely opening his teeth gives He Yu the chance to roughly push his tongue in, hot and wet. Xie Qingcheng is so shocked and disgusted that he freezes, his breathing growing furious. By the time he comes back to himself He Yu had already retreated. 

To have something to bind the injuries on his thigh and hand, Xie Qingcheng had torn apart his shirt so that most of it was effectively in shreds. There hadn’t felt like a point in continuing to wear what was left of it and so he’d used the remaining fabric and gone without a shirt. His midriff and chest were fully visible, and though he hadn’t cared before, as He Yu’s burning hands find his waist and slide up to his chest, he finds it humiliating. 

“Get off! Stop it, get away from me!” he shouts, but it’s useless. 

He Yu leans down and begins to violently bite and suck on his nipples. All Xie Qingcheng can do is flail like an impaled fish, shaking and twisting, trying to get away from the touch. While he tries, He Yu finally unzips Xie Qingcheng’s pants, beginning to yank them down his thighs. They end up rubbing over his wounds. He cries out in pain, harshly biting down on his lip so hard it draws blood after the sound escapes. 

The next to go is his underwear, and he’s filled with terror as he feels the cool air against his skin. 

Never before has he thought that something like this could happen to him. He was a grown man– he had been married and divorced once already, had been a doctor, had become a police officer– and yet right now, a kid thirteen years his junior, another man, was about to– 

He Yu’s hand cups his cock, squeezes, and Xie Qingcheng almost throws up, right then and there. He jerks, feeling full panic begin to encompass him. 

He Yu was really going to go through with this. This bastard, he was really going to fuck him! Another man! 

“Get the hell off! Don’t touch me! He Yu–” 

He Yu fondles him for a few more moments before he seems to grow bored, eyes settling on his face. He smiles, cupping one of his cheeks in a mockery of tenderness. “Today, Doctor Xie, I’m going to fuck you so hard you won’t be able to walk when I’m through with you. You should be lucky I’m not killing you.” 

With that, he presses another kiss to his lips before flipping him over. Like this, Xie Qingcheng is on his stomach. He tries to crawl away but He Yu grabs him by the hips, yanking him upwards so that he’s practically presenting his ass. 

He blanches in humiliation and terror. 

“If you fucking dare, I’ll–” Though Xie Qingcheng tries to sound steady, threatening, he can’t stop the way his voice just barely shakes. “Stop it! Get the fuck off of me, you motherfucker! Shit!” 

“You’ll what?” He Yu asks, sounding almost amused as he spreads apart one of his cheeks. “From now on, you’ll do what I want you to. You’re already presenting your ass like a slut. Why don’t you become one, too?” 

Xie Qingcheng hears the sound of a belt unzipping and looks back to see He Yu pulling himself out. He’s fully hard, and as soon as he catches sight of what he’d been dreading he feels as if all the blood in his body drains out of him, the feeling of absolute panic encompassing him getting worse until it feels like he’s vibrating in fear. 

There wasn’t any lube, and he doubted He Yu would waste time stretching him out. If that thing got anywhere near him it would tear him apart. How could he just walk around with something like that as a body part? 

He’s faced with the terrifying, all-encompassing and suffocating feeling of being blocked in as He Yu leans over and presses his chest against his back, wrapping an arm around him with one hand as he uses the other hand to position himself.

When Xie Qingcheng feels that monstrous thing poking and prodding at the most intimate part of himself, he really can’t take it anymore. He’d been feeling lightheaded before, and though he’d been fighting to keep conscious, it seemed like it would almost be better to just let himself pass out now, if only to escape this horrifying situation.  

Despite pushing against him a few times, He Yu can’t manage to get in, and Xie Qingcheng thanks every religious deity he’s ever heard of as he shakily turns his head to the door.

It was slightly ajar, just barely open. If he could get out from under He Yu and manage not to trip over himself and both the pants and rope around his ankles, then maybe he’d be able to—

He lets out a choked gasp when he feels a finger sink into him. 

It’s impossible to mask the panic in his voice. “What the hell are you doing!? Get out! Take it out, fuck, fuck!”

“Didn’t I already tell you? You brought this on yourself!” He Yu growls, roughly twisting his finger. 

“S…stop! Stop! You bastard!” 

Never in his life has Xie Qingcheng ever been touched or touched himself in that spot. Though he had gasped, he bites his lips now, squeezing his eyes shut and uncontrollably trembling.

It feels uncomfortable and disgusting. He really didn’t know how anyone was supposed to find something like this pleasurable.

It’s clear He Yu doesn’t know what the hell he’s doing, and the fact that he’s almost definitely a virgin makes the situation even worse. If he’d never even had sex with a woman, how the hell could he handle sex with a man? The bastard even had to the gall to try and stick it in dry with no lubricant or prep at all. There was nothing to look forward to but absolute torment.

He Yu impatiently shoves in a second finger alongside the first after only a few pumps. The sudden burn has Xie Qingcheng squeezing his eyes closed even more tightly. Spots of red and orange and green dance around his vision.

If He Yu had been violent in his beating of Xie Qingcheng earlier, then his movements now are just as violent. Without any technique he jacks his fingers in and out, randomly twisting them and spreading them apart. Xie Qingcheng gags, turning his face to the side and biting down all the noises that try to escape him from the awful sensation.

His only hope is that the longer He Yu spends doing this, he’ll at some point realize what exactly he was doing as well as how disgusting it was and stop. Xie Qingcheng didn’t care if he went back to beating him. He didn’t even care if he killed him. In fact, maybe that would be better. 

This kind of torment was the one thing he truly couldn’t handle. Out of everything He Yu could have done, this was the worst. As a man, he truly couldn’t stand it.

At some point He Yu had managed to work up to three fingers inside, all while seeming like he still fully planned on going all the way, and Xie Qingcheng wills himself to just hurry up and pass out. 

It doesn’t work. No matter how hard he tries, it’s as if he’s been shocked to awareness, and there’s no way to escape the terrifying feeling of He Yu pulling out his fingers and replacing them with his cock.

One last time, Xie Qingcheng tries to bargain against fate. His arms jerk from where He Yu is keeping them held above his head as he harshly says, “Don’t do this. Doing something like this— you’d be no different than a beast in heat. An animal.”

He Yu only stares at him, something imperceptible flickering from within his eyes. “If everyone already treats me like a beast, I might as well reap the benefits of acting like one.”

As he says it, he pulls Xie Qingcheng even closer, moving to hold onto his waist as he pushes that terrifying thing against his hole, and Xie Qingcheng feels like he can’t breathe.

“No! No… don’t, don’t—”

He Yu begins pushing in.

Xie Qingcheng’s mouth falls open around a silent scream. 

Never before has he felt such an awful kind of pain. It feels as if he’s being impaled, his muscles being ripped apart, torn.

He thrashes, banging his head against the ground in his pain as his eyes go watery. His arms jerk as every instinct in his body screams at him to get away, to stop the thing violating him and ripping him apart from the inside out. It’s unbearable. It’s unbearable. 

At the same time, He Yu lets out a low groan, throwing his head back. With how much Xie Qingcheng is thrashing he has to use both hands to hold onto his waist to keep him still. With his arms still bound but at least not pinned in place anymore, Xie Qingcheng desperately tries to pull himself away, hands scrabbling against the ground.

“You’re so tight… loosen up a little,” He Yu breathes out, sinking in even deeper.

Xie Qingcheng trembles more violently the deeper it goes, having the false impression that it was piercing his stomach. Both his hole and stomach are in so much pain he can hardly even think. He can only continue to uselessly claw at the ground, as if that will help him escape.

After an impossibly long time, He Yu bottoms out. Neither of them say anything as He Yu gasps, Xie Qingcheng struggling to breathe, feeling uncomfortably full. It was as if that thing had shoved its way inside and rearranged all his organs into places they didn’t belong.

He Yu frowns after a moment, spitting on the area they’re connected. Xie Qingcheng is in so much pain the humiliation of it only registers after a delay in which he can only focus on shakily  breathing.

“Who would have thought you could look like such a slut when you wanted to? Look, Xie Qingcheng. You took me all the way inside.”

Xie Qingcheng can’t look. In fact, he refused to look, keeping his eyes squeezed shut.

“Think about how you feel now,” He Yu murmurs against his ear, his breaths searing hot. “This is how your wife would have felt when you fucked her for the first time.”

If this is how she had felt the first time, Xie Qingcheng would have killed himself as an apology to her. There would be no other way to properly get across just how remorseful he would be. 

He doesn’t think it can get any worse. As soon as He Yu moves though, he’s instantly proven wrong. 

Despite having gone in slowly, likely because it had simply been too tight to go any faster, it’s as if He Yu loses all reservations now. He begins to violently thrust, and all Xie Qingcheng can do is take it, a choked, hurt noise leaving him.

It hurts.

It hurts so badly. 

It feels like he’s going to die. Like he really was being torn apart from the inside out.

He frantically blinks away the droplets that had started to build in his eyes, turning his head away and struggling to breathe with each and every violent thrust that seems to slam the air out of him.

It’s difficult to see— each and every thrust has darkness scattering across his vision, and he wildly twists, trying to escape, trying to get He Yu to stop.

Rather than stop or even slow down, he goes faster, if that’s possible. By now, Xie Qingcheng might as well have bitten a hole straight through his lip from how harshly he bites it, his legs uncontrollably shaking.

He Yu has no such qualms in speaking or being loud. He almost seems like a different person as he thrusts into him, spewing all kinds of humiliating and degrading filth, as if his goal is to make Xie Qingcheng feel as terrible as possible.

It probably was. 

“Look at you Doctor Xie, taking my dick so well. You probably take it better than some women.”

“How does it feel? You’re squeezing around me so tightly. Does it feel good?”

“I have no interest in men, but if you want me to keep going, I’ll happily do so. I’ll fuck you until you’re properly satisfied.”

“You’re so hot inside, Ge.”

Along with his ridiculous comments, along with the sound of skin slapping against skin, the sounds of his thrusts are more wet than they should be, and Xie Qingcheng realizes he must have torn.

He Yu really was tearing him apart.

At some point He Yu starts saying more things about his past wife, so ridiculous Xie Qingcheng can hardly stand it anymore. He feels as if he’s about to go crazy. “Stop talki— ngh!”

In response, He Yu grabs him by the hair and shoves his face into the ground. “Why should I? If anything, after saying all those things, you deserve to just lay there and take it like a good bitch. Nobody told you to complain so much.”

“I—” Xie Qingcheng is so furious and humiliated he can hardly even breathe. “Who’s the one acting like a bitch? Is this the only way you can get someone to have sex with you? By forcing yourselves on them? You’re no better than a damn dog!”

He Yu’s eyes flash. Though he had been fucking him on all fours before, now, he pushes him down and pulls his arms out from underneath him so that his chest is pressed to the ground and his ass is in the air.

If he had been moving violently before, then it’s as if he’s challenging himself to go even harder now. He holds onto Xie Qingcheng’s hips as he pounds into him as if in retaliation, the sound of skin slamming against skin almost obscenely loud.

Xie Qingcheng feels as if he’s being smashed to pieces, in so much pain he can’t speak. It feels like at any moment he’ll break and shatter. He tries to get his arms under him to hold himself up but they uncontrollably shake, having lost all strength. They only uselessly tremble for a while before he collapses back down, hands scrabbling against the cool concrete flooring for purchase yet finding none.

It feels like the endless pounding pain lasts for an eternity, as if his insides are being rubbed raw, torn apart and rearranged, his stomach pierced through. Eventually though, He Yu’s thrusts grow more erratic, his breathing more labored.

He presses a kiss to the nape of Xie Qingcheng’s neck, sucking at the skin, and Xie Qingcheng feels as if he’d been jolted with electricity. His head hurts, his vision is blurry. He feels like he’s going to pass out. 

“I’m gonna come,” He Yu pants, holding him tightly as he continues to thrust into him. “I’m gonna come inside you, Ge.”

Xie Qingcheng stiffens, fear encompassing him. 

That’s right. He hadn’t put on a condom.

As a man, the idea of another man coming inside of him was too terrible to even think about. Even just the prospect of having anything like that inside him makes him feel sick, afraid. With this at least he could take it out and be done with it, but if he came inside—

Xie Qingcheng was really afraid. If nothing else, if this still had to happen, then that was the one thing he truly didn’t want.

“No! Don’t… don’t come inside me,” he croaks, trying to crawl away. “Pull it out. Not inside, don’t…”

He Yu scoffs, slapping his ass. “Why? Are you afraid to have the spend of someone mentally ill inside of you? Do you find us that repulsive?”

Rather than pull out or slow down, he keeps going faster, chasing his release. Xie Qingcheng can feel the terrifying way it throbs inside of him, and for the first time he truly feels powerless, scared and upset. He desperately continues trying to crawl away, only to be yanked back by the hips.

He didn’t want that inside of him. He didn’t—

“He Yu, please, just pull it out! Not inside… don't do it inside, don’t do it, please, please—”

He Yu doesn’t respond, only groaning as he buries his face into Xie Qingcheng’s neck, his hips stuttering and jerking.

Xie Qingcheng can feel it pulsing and spasming inside of him, along with an explosion of warmth uncontrollably deep, seemingly reaching all the way to his stomach and filling that, too. 

He Yu had really… he’d…

Xie Qingcheng feels the tears that had been in his eyes finally falling from the humiliation and horrible discomfort that fills him. Even just knowing it was inside of him feels so disgusting he can barely breathe. Inside of him, it… 

When He Yu finally pulls out, the pain and general looseness of that area is so uncomfortable Xie Qingcheng can only turn his head away to hide the wetness of his cheeks, the way his lips just barely quiver.

“This is your fault,” He Yu says as he tucks himself in, tidying his clothes. His voice is raspy. “Don’t forget it, Xie Qingcheng. You deserved this.”

With that, he leaves the room, and Xie Qingcheng finally loses the composure he had been trying so desperately to preserve.  

He violently scrubs away the wetness in his eyes and on his cheeks, struggling to pull up his pants from the unbearable pain it causes to even move at all. 

By the time he’s finally as covered as he can make himself he’s so exhausted he can barely keep his eyes open, muscles still trembling and jumping from exertion despite the way he tries to force them to relax. He won’t stop shaking. 

For a long time, he shakily breathes in through his nose and out through his mouth, willing himself to calm down.

No matter what he does, he can’t stop the quiver of his lip, nor can he stop the way his vision begins wetly blurring again before finally, it goes completely dark.

Chapter Text

He Yu leaves again for a long time. At some point while Xie Qingcheng must have been passed out he had brought down a water bottle, but he doesn’t make any appearances himself.

Xie Qingcheng can only limply lay there after the fact, filthy and covered in marks, cum deep inside of him that he isn’t able to clean out. The wounds on his thighs had been rubbed raw from the friction of being jerked back and forth against the concrete, so had the one on his hand, and they had all opened again. He could only tear up the scraps of what was left of his shirt to keep from bleeding out, but only just barely. 

He feels terrible and sick. His head throbs and his body uncomfortably aches, he’s so hungry and thirsty, everything hurts.

It wasn’t just the injuries he’d gotten when He Yu had beaten him that plagued him. A kind of dull pain he couldn’t put into words pressed deeply into his body like a brand, as well as a bone-deep discomfort alongside the pain from the feeling of that. The queasy feeling throughout his entire body is so overwhelming he can hardly bear it.

Yesterday, he had really been…

Xie Qingcheng’s eyes are red, his face lacking in all color. He feels disoriented and lost.

The more he thinks about it, the more he feels like he’s going to throw up. 

From the first day he had been brought there, he had expected nothing less than torture. He would be brutally killed, is what he’d thought. If not outright murdered, then tortured, tormented.

For a while nothing like that had happened, apart from He Yu acting out from his flare ups. While not ideal, Xie Qingcheng had expected and could deal with being roughed up and injured. In the grand scheme of things it was just temporary pain, and he’s felt far worse throughout his life, anyways. Even something as drastic as dying, he was prepared for.

When He Yu had said he’d seen the video, he’d been expecting retaliation and could understand the beating. Something like that was fine as a punishment. He wouldn’t be able to call himself a man if he couldn’t handle something like that. Except on top of that, He Yu had…

Extreme hatred and extreme humiliation swirl throughout Xie Qingcheng. 

He doesn’t know how long he’s been laying there, shivering from shame and disgust and pain. Eventually though, the throbbing of his head and the feeling of extreme thirst he’d been feeling for the past few days becomes too overbearing to ignore.

With bleary eyes, he glances over at the water bottle in the room. It’s not far but he’d also have to get up to get it, and he moves to push himself up.

A jolt of pain shoots up his body. He immediately falls back down, harshly biting his lip and closing his eyes. He stays like that for a long time, trying to force himself to calm down, to not think about that unspeakable pain.

It takes a while, but he’s eventually able to push himself up with gritted teeth, moving just enough that he can snatch the water bottle.

He stares down at it.

He Yu had really come down there after he had done something so atrocious and thought to himself, “he must be thirsty after all that.” 

Despite being so thirsty he really was at risk of passing out from dehydration if he didn’t drink anything soon, Xie Qingcheng finds himself hesitating, feeling so angry and disgusted he doesn’t want to even look at the bottle anymore. The self preservation instinct is difficult to ignore though, and so he curses to himself and yanks the cap off, chugging the bottle.

After he’s done he throws it to the opposite end of the room, laying back down as sitting had been recently made deeply uncomfortable.

He stiffly lays there and desperately tries not to think of what just happened to him. Of what this meant.

If this had been under “normal” circumstances, or at the very least, if he hadn’t been locked away here, if He Yu had dared to do this to him in the real world, Xie Qingcheng would probably beat the shit out of him in retaliation, get him put behind bars, and never see him again. Now, though…

He was trapped here. He was completely at He Yu’s mercy. If He Yu wanted to do this again, he would. There was no telling how long he planned to keep Xie Qingcheng here. Hopefully he’d eventually get bored, but if he didn’t…

Xie Qingcheng tries very hard to not throw up. In the end though, as the realization of exactly what type of situation he’s in dawns on him, he can’t keep it down.

Scrambling to at least get into an upright position despite the pain it causes, he leans over and hacks up the water he’d just drinken, his eyes watering from the stomach acid that feels as if it’s burning holes into the flesh of his throat. 

When he doesn’t think anything else can come out he moves to the opposite end of the room away from it, feeling even worse than before. He wants to wash his mouth out but there wasn’t any more water. He has a fever too, one that wracks his body with cold chills and has his head feeling like a large flame is being held to it, but there wasn’t anything he could do about it.

The main thought ringing, pounding throughout his mind, is that He Yu could do it again. He could push him down and commit that atrocity again, and there really would be nothing Xie Qingcheng could do about it.

Xie Qingcheng feels helpless and afraid. He’d rather die than have that happen again. Even just the thought of He Yu touching him makes him want to throw up again.

Anything would be better than that. This kind of thing… he really couldn’t take it.

For the first time, Xie Qingcheng finds himself being genuinely afraid of He Yu. He feels increasingly anxious about him coming back and can only warily watch the door, his vision hazy from fatigue.

Even if he watched the door though, what more could he do? He was entirely useless in stopping anything. His life wasn’t his anymore. 

When He Yu comes back, a day must have passed. It’s clear he isn’t having a flare up anymore but that doesn’t stop Xie Qingcheng from flinching when he hears the door open. He hates himself for it.

He pushes himself up so that he’s standing, not wanting to show any weakness in front of He Yu. He straightens his back and tilts his chin up, even as his body is in so much pain it’s difficult to stand, his vision blurred from fatigue and exhaustion.

They look at each other for a long time, not saying anything.

Then He Yu takes a step forward, and Xie Qingcheng forces himself not to take a step back, his mind swimming. It feels as if his brain had been cooked into a stew and had stayed simmering for far too long, his vision slightly blurry. And yet, he forces down most of his feelings of discomfort.

“Xie Qingcheng,” He Yu finally says, and Xie Qingcheng glares at him. He feels both furious and wary, humiliated to be standing before the man who had just violated him so thoroughly. 

Despite how angry He Yu had seemed earlier, it seemed like now that he wasn’t having a flare up anymore he had calmed down a little. Now, rather than pure anger, there’s an uncomfortable tense and foreign air between them.

He Yu looks him up and down. Xie Qingcheng suppresses a shudder of disgust. Despite being dressed now, or at least, partly dressed, it feels as if he’s wearing nothing at all. As if he was still as vulnerable as he had been when he’d been pushed down and ruthlessly fucked.

He deplores the feeling.

It’s only because of the fact that he was tied up and weakened does he keep himself from walking over and kicking and beating He Yu to death.

Despite having noticeably calmed down, there’s a glint of madness in He Yu’s eyes. The fucker actually breaks into a smile. “What is it, Ge? If you keep making such an ugly expression your face will get stuck that way forever.”

Xie Qingcheng grits his teeth, his expression growing even worse. “I didn’t realize the looks of a man mattered to you so fucking much. You should have invited me to your coming out party.”

The feigned nonchalance and smile on He Yu’s face instantly drops into something sour. “What are you trying to say?”

“I didn’t know you were a fucking gay.”

“What are you talking about? Stop making things up, I’m not gay!”

“Right. So after keeping another man hostage for who knows how long for no discernible reason, after getting mad and not controlling your emotions, the first think you think to do is push him down and fuck him? I knew you were a murderer, but I didn’t know you were a fucking rapist, too.”

He Yu scowls, jaw tensing. “It’s not as if I wanted to do that.”

Xie Qingcheng can’t believe this. Not as if he wanted to? Was that really what someone like him could say? It was so fucking shameless he almost couldn't believe it. “What the hell are you talking about? Are you referring to being in a flare up? We both know damn well having one doesn’t make you want to fuck another man.”

He Yu is silent, an ugly look on his face. Xie Qingcheng is almost vibrating, he’s so angry. “Not to mention that you went and ran away when you were finished. What are you, a fucking playboy? Didn’t want to face the consequences of your actions?”

“I didn’t run away! Stop accusing me of things I didn’t do!”

“You didn't? Then what the hell was that when you were finished? I guess you were just hungry or something, then. Decided to make yourself a sandwich and go on a walk to breathe in some fresh air while you were at it?”

“Would you rather I had stayed and fucked you again?” He Yu seems to get some confidence back, staring at him with predatory eyes. “I didn’t know you liked having another man’s dick in your ass so much.”

Disgust and anger and humiliation. Xie Qingcheng sees red as he storms over to He Yu, his status as a hostage be damned, and starts jabbing him in the chest with a finger. 

“Do you fucking hear yourself? How much self-awareness do you lack? What the fuck kind of thinking makes you think it’s okay to do something so reprehensible?”

Though He Yu had looked like he’d calmed down when he’d first walked in, now, it’s clear his anger begins to start bubbling towards the surface again. Xie Qingcheng knows he isn’t in a position to be arguing like this, knows that for his own sake he should just shut the fuck up, but he’s so absolutely furious he can’t stop the words from bursting out.

Eventually, He Yu says, “I wouldn’t have done it if you didn’t deserve it.”

Deserve it? Deserve it? “What the fuck have I ever done to you to warrant you doing that to me? Please enlighten me.”

To begin with, He Yu had been the one to say he didn’t hold anything against Xie Qingcheng, and he himself hadn’t even really seemed to know why he was keeping him locked away here in the first place. Even if this was all mostly because of that video, he’d already given Xie Qingcheng a beating. He had already taken his anger out, had already vented his frustrations. Xie Qingcheng could understand it and would have accepted it if he had stopped at that.

Except He Yu hadn’t stopped. He had yanked down his pants and underwear, had shoved him onto his stomach. To another man, he had really…

He Yu grabs Xie Qingcheng’s wrist from the arm he had been using to jab him in the chest, eyes flashing. “I should be the one asking you what you haven’t done. Didn’t I already tell you? I saw the video!”

“You saw me speaking my mind to a small group of doctors after personally witnessing Qin Ciyan’s death. You haven’t been in the industry and are still just a naive fucking kid. Don’t try to understand something too complicated.”

“That’s funny. Somehow, I didn’t find the words you so clearly said complicated at all. How can you dare say something like that and then act like I’m the stupid one for somehow not understanding? I understand you very well, Xie Qingcheng!”

“You don’t understand anything.” That speech wasn’t that simple. It was true that the words themselves weren’t very complicated and had a straightforward meaning, but the meaning behind why those words had to be spoken in the first place was complicated. He felt no need nor desire to explain it to He Yu, especially not now. “If I could go back, I’d say the same things.”

“How can you say something like that in front of me? Xie Qingcheng, you must be tired of living!”

He Yu grabs Xie Qingcheng by the neck and slams him into the wall. Xie Qingcheng’s eyes harden, and he forces down the pained sound that wants to slip from his lips.

“If you want to kill me, just fucking kill me,” Xie Qingcheng spits out, wheezing. “By this point there’s nothing worse you could do to me. At least in death, I wouldn’t have to see your ugly fucking face every day.”

He Yu sneers, lips twitching. “You haven’t seen half of what I can do to you.”

Despite himself, Xie Qingcheng can’t help the way fear twists through his gut like a dagger upon hearing his words. Because no matter how hard he tried to ignore the feeling, it was true that he was afraid of that happening to him again. Especially since he wouldn’t be able to do anything to stop it.

“I know plenty well what you’re capable of, He Yu. I know full well that you’re a depraved piece of shit, a murderer, and a fucking rapist. If people in this world hold any value, then you’d be the lowest of trash.”

He Yu’s eyes flare, his brows twitching with anger and discomfort. His grip on Xie Qingcheng’s neck dangerously tightens but Xie Qingcheng musters up all the strength left in his body to continue standing straight, to keep his chin up, to keep his gaze steady despite the fact that he feels so terrible he can barely stand.

“You say that as if you didn’t see me as the lowest of trash since the beginning,” He Yu bites out. “Why should I care about what you have to say?”

“No… no one told you to care so much,” Xie Qingcheng grits out, struggling to speak as He Yu’s hand tightens even further. “You’re the one who decided to lash out.”

“Who wouldn’t lash out after hearing something like that video!?”

By now He Yu’s anger had melded into something else, had mixed with a sort of deep discomfort. Though it’s hard to spot, Xie Qingcheng can almost see something like hurt in his wild, bloodshot eyes.

If this had happened years ago, if before He Yu had gone down this path he had stumbled across that video, maybe Xie Qingcheng would have had more sympathy for him. Maybe he’d apologize and do the bare minimum to explain himself. 

Now, any sympathy Xie Qingcheng might have felt had been burned away until not even ashes remained. 

He Yu's fingers dig into the sensitive skin of his neck. Though it’s difficult to breathe, let alone speak, Xie Qingcheng forces his mouth to open despite how strained each and every word is. “What? You want an explanation or something? Fine, then. I’ll give you one, so listen up.”

“You—”

“Even if I didn’t do everything right, even if I didn’t want to risk being a doctor and even if I let everyone around me down,” His voice gets slightly caught in his throat. “I didn’t deserve to be tortured by you like this.”

Xie Qingcheng knows he isn’t perfect. There were so many things in his life he regretted, things he wished he had done differently, things he wished he could change. 

There were so many things, but this was the case with every living person. He was just human. No matter what front he put up or what mask he fastened to his face, tightening the straps, the person underneath was the same flesh and blood as anyone else in the world.

He had made many mistakes. He hadn’t been perfect.

Even so…

“I may not have handled everything perfectly, and I may have made you resent me, but when I was treating you, I never did anything that I truly need to apologize for.”

In those years he had spent acting as He Yu’s doctor, he truly had wished that one day, He Yu would be able to live his life normally just as anyone else in society and conquer his illness. He had taught him to control his emotions, had instilled in him the correct mindset and coping mechanisms, so that when he eventually left him, he could achieve that future.

On the day he had left, he had truly wished in his heart that that small kid who had already grown so tall could live his life the way he wanted, without it being dictated by an illness he never asked for, that he had no control over.

Those had been his wishes.

Now, looking at the boy in front of him, out of his mind and with crazed, bloodshot eyes, he feels something in his heart begin to uncomfortably throb. Regret and humiliation and disgust pump through it, filling his veins and chilling him to the very core.

How had things become like this? 

He Yu hasn’t said anything in a while, his eyes dark. His hands around Xie Qingcheng’s throat shift uncomfortably, and he almost seems to be shaking.

Xie Qingcheng knows he’s talking to a murderer. He knows his mental state has worsened exponentially, knows that this isn’t that same kid who used to reach his waist. He knows He Yu probably didn’t care.

And yet, he finds himself asking, “Think about it. What you did—don’t you find it despicable?”

It was one of the worst things a person could do to another person, ripping away their defenses, holding them down in their struggle, and forcing their way into their body. There was nowhere to hide, nowhere to run. Not when one’s very own body was the thing being violated.

The more Xie Qingcheng thinks about it and remembers how just that had happened to him, like a brand that had been burned into his insides, the more the perfect mask he had tightened around himself begins to crack. The straps loosen, until the mask starts to sag down, revealing his true face.

He can’t stop the way his body just barely trembles, or the way his voice sounds just slightly wet. “Think about it.”

Think about it. 

None of your crimes until now have been sexual crimes. The illness makes you irrational and bloodthirsty, but it doesn’t give you those desires. You did it because, for some reason, you wanted to. You chose to.

Why would you do something like that to me?

Was it to humiliate him? To hurt him, to truly strike fear into him, to make him cry? Is that what it had been? 

Xie Qingcheng really does feel awful, a fever burning up his head, his entire body trembling from pain. He doesn’t want to look at He Yu anymore, doesn’t want to be anywhere near him, let alone have him touching him the way his fingertips are still digging into his neck, as if itching to gouge away the layer of skin.

He tries pushing He Yu away again, feeling sick and exhausted. He just wanted to take a shower and lay down, wanted to sleep for the next five years, wake up in his home in Moyu Alley, and pretend this had all been nothing but an outrageous nightmare brought on by fatigue from overwork.

“You’ve already done enough. Let go already, get your filthy paws off of me.”

“Think about it?” He Yu repeats, his eyes flashing red, becoming even more unhinged. “What do you want me to think about? Xie Qingcheng, I’m asking you what you want me to think about! Do you think I still don’t know anything?”

Xie Qingcheng has no idea what he’s talking about. His head is so hot and his body is in so much pain that he can barely think properly anymore, his perfect posture starting to crack, teeth clenching even further with the strain of not letting the fatigue show on his face.

And yet, He Yu still won’t let him go. Rather, he grips his throat even tighter, this time fully crushing it. On top of everything Xie Qingcheng feels himself growing lightheaded, but all he can do is uselessly claw at He Yu’s arms.

“I know everything, Xie Qingcheng! The delusions, the memories I made up, Xie Xue— all of it was fake! All of it! My brain is really fucked up, isn’t it? Ever since I was a kid I’ve been completely insane! I can’t even trust in my own memories!”

Xie Qingcheng pales. He’d thought He Yu had only seen the video, but he also knew about that? How had he—

It seems simply choking Xie Qingcheng isn’t enough. He begins to repeatedly slam his head into the wall, continuing to speak, quickly, desperately, as if he was afraid if he didn’t speak now the words would never be let out.

“Doctor Xie, you knew everything too, but you didn’t say anything. All that time, for seven years, you watched me run around like a complete fool! All because you didn’t want me to become too attached to Xie Xue, you stalled for time and didn’t tell me anything! Was it fun for you? Was it fun watching how I followed around who I thought to be my only friend, when even that was an illusion? When I can’t even have that? I’ve been so lonely my mind has had to make up people and memories to keep me from going even more crazy!”

Xie Qingcheng can barely breathe, can barely see. He Yu’s desperate voice in his ears sounds far away as his consciousness blinks in and out.

“Was it fun, Xie Qingcheng? Did you think it was funny? Don’t you think you were being incredibly cruel and arrogant, never once taking my feelings seriously? What exactly am I in your eyes? Do you even see me as a person? Tell me!”

He Yu finally lets go of Xie Qingcheng, and without being held up, he really can’t hold on anymore. He collapses to his knees, coughing and gulping in breaths of air as his mind spins and throbs, his vision blurry.

He Yu breathes just as hard, his eyes red and wet as he stares down at him. He stares and stares at Xie Qingcheng, and Xie Qingcheng is silent for a long time, trying desperately to breathe.

Eventually, he looks up at He Yu’s desperate, hurt face, his teary eyes that shine with both anger and pain. 

“…Even if I could do it all over again, I would choose to do the same thing,” Xie Qingcheng wetly croaks. The words are barely over a whisper. “I did it because I didn’t think you’d be able to bear it. You can think what you want, but I don’t think I was wrong about this.”

Enraged, He Yu kicks him roughly in the shoulder, making him smack into the hard concrete floor.

And yet, Xie Qingcheng forces himself up into an upright position with trembling arms. Though his gaze is blurry, he narrows his eyes as he glares at He Yu, disappointed and disgusted.

“In those seven years, I did everything I should have as a doctor.”

He had tried his best. Really, he had tried his best to make it so that kid could live a normal life. Seeing him like this now, it feels like all his efforts had been wasted, as if he’d spent days sewing and patching up an old toy only for it to fall apart again on its first wash. The pricks on his fingers he’d gotten from nicking himself with the needle were the only evidence he had tried to fix the thing in the first place.

Was it just that the toy itself was too faulty, or that he simply hadn’t tried hard enough to fix it?

“I did everything I should have, but because of this, you committed such an atrocity. Let me tell you this, He Yu— you’re a fucking beast worse than a pig or dog.”

He Yu glares at him, practically trembling with anger. But then, in front of Xie Qingcheng’s very eyes, he goes still. His breathing evens out, and his face outwardly looks calm. Only his eyes shine with a truly inhuman light— the light of a murderer. He suddenly looks at Xie Qingcheng as if he’s imagining tearing his abdomen apart, ripping out his intestines, and using them to tie a noose to snap his neck with.

Xie Qingcheng feels afraid. And yet, that fear is dampened by exhaustion and anger and pain and another feeling he can’t place, maybe something like humiliation. He’s been trying to ignore it all this time but the fact was that he still had He Yu’s fucking cum in him, was still filthy and soiled, and he just wanted to get it out.

He wants a shower, wants to scrub down every inch of skin that He Yu’s grubby claws had touched, wants to erase the kiss marks and bruises that served as a reminder of his humiliation. And so, he forces himself to his unsteady feet, swaying as he begins to stride over to the door.

“Let me out, I need to use the bathroom.”

Normally it humiliated him to have to ask for something so basic, but right now, he can’t find it in himself to care.

He Yu stays rooted in place, slowly turning to look at him. The new facade of calm that had taken over him makes him feel even more dangerous, like a tightly coiled spring, ready to snap and rip an unlucky passerby’s arms from their sockets in the process.

His fingers twitch, and he looks seconds away from walking over and strangling the life out of him.

Maybe he will. Either he strangled Xie Qingcheng to death and he’d be able to escape this living hell he’d found himself in, or he’d give in and let Xie Qingcheng out to use the bathroom. Either way, Xie Qingcheng found himself caring less and less about what happened.

He Yu stares for a long time. But then he lets out a short, barked laugh, lacking in any amusement. “After all that, you’re really asking for something like this now?”

“I have to pee. If you don’t want me to piss all over the floor, let me out.”

He Yu stares at him, and Xie Qingcheng realizes with a startling realization that he could absolutely piss on the floor and be trapped in here with it if He Yu didn’t feel like letting him out. He was already being generous in letting him out to use the bathroom in the first place.

Anxiety grips him, but He Yu eventually walks over to the door with heavy footsteps, unlocking it and yanking it open. After how much he’d been yelling earlier, now, his voice is scarily reserved and calm. “…After you, Doctor Xie.”

Xie Qingcheng suppresses a shiver as he walks past him, feeling unease prickle down his back now that He Yu is behind him and out of his line of sight. Nevertheless, he straightens his back and keeps his posture straight, walking confidently to the bathroom.

As soon as he gets in, he slams the door and locks it, putting his back to it when it closes.

The shaking of his legs that he had been managing to suppress finally makes itself known, his hair pricking up in goosebumps. He takes in slow, deep breaths, squeezing his eyes shut and running a trembling hand through his hair.

His heart beats so fast it feels like it’s trying to break through his ribcage. His legs tremble even more wildly, and he goes to sit down before being reminded of the searing, throbbing pain from his backside. With a pale face, he shakily continues standing.

Right now there was no chance of He Yu suddenly appearing. Right now, Xie Qingcheng was guaranteed at least a few moments of solitude, and so everything he’d been struggling to hold in finally comes out. 

He was scared.

He hated to admit it, hated himself for feeling this way, but he was scared. Scared of being so powerless, of having a body that wasn’t even his, not anymore. He Yu had proven that he would and could do whatever he wanted with him.

If or when he felt like it, he could push Xie Qingcheng down again and tear him apart once more. He could do it, and he wouldn’t feel an ounce of remorse about it. Xie Qingcheng’s life would be reduced to being some kid’s sex toy.

He brings his face to his hands. 

He had to calm down. He had to steady his breathing. No good came of letting his emotions get the better of him. There were worse things in the world. He could bear it.

It’s what he tries to convince himself, but really, what could be worse than this? As a man, he had been pushed down onto his stomach, his pants ripped down. Of all the things he’d experienced in his years of living, the feeling of absolute powerlessness he had felt in that moment had been one of the worst.

He didn’t want that to happen again. 

After a few moments of sitting there and tracing the outline of jellyfish onto his arms, Xie Qingcheng is finally able to calm down a little. Or rather, he’s able to stamp down the worst of his feelings, flattening them into an indiscernible heap.

Though he doesn’t really feel he has to, he uses the bathroom. His main purpose of asking to come here had been to get that out of him though, and he hadn’t showered in a while, and so he goes to do just that.

He peels his pants and underwear off with great difficulty, gritting his teeth and moving slowly. It takes a humiliating amount of time but he’s eventually able to get those off, too.

Who knew how long it would take before He Yu’s patience wore out? Figuring he’d wasted enough time, he moves to step into the shower before catching sight of himself in the mirror.

He pauses, slowly turning to look at himself.

For all of Xie Qingcheng’s life, he had known he was attractive and prided himself in looking put together. Now, as he looks at himself, he almost laughs at how absurd and pitiful the sight is.

Where to even start? His hair is longer than he usually ever kept it and greasy, knotted and reaching past his ears, caked with blood in some places. He hadn’t been able to shave, and a pitiful beard and mustache had started to grow, scraggly and unkempt. Under his eyes are dark bags. 

His face is pale and sallow just like the rest of him, his entire body noticeably thinner. All the work he had put into staying in shape for his job had been hurled out of a window. Now, he felt like he resembled a chicken carcass.

While there’s some bruising on his face, the rest of his body is almost a jump scare. There’s a frightening amount of purpling and green bruises around his neck as well as large ones from where he’d been beaten. Not to mention, all the red bite and kiss marks scattered across his body…

Xie Qingcheng stares at himself for a while, at this person in front of him who was so different from the person he remembered. All at once, he feels troubled, but also empty. As if it wasn’t him he was looking at but rather some random, unfortunate person.

Eventually, he tears his eyes away from the mirror and finally steps into the shower, turning on the water as hot as he can bear it.

He stands there as steam begins to swirl around him. The searing hot water like this does the opposite in relieving his fever and only exacerbates it, but it gives him the false impression that all of He Yu’s touches are being burned away, and so he turns the temperature even higher.

Xie Qingcheng thoroughly scrubs his body down so violently the skin is left pink and raw. All the while, he tries not to think of how the bruises and marks had gotten there, only violently scrubbing at them, as if that would be able to make them go away. 

Showering itself is painful. While he tries to avoid it, water ends up running into his wounds, sending a jolting pain through him. Not to mention, whenever any water streamed down… down there, he couldn’t help but flinch from the unbearable sting, feeling as if someone was stabbing him with a rod of condensed lightning and setting him ablaze from the inside out. It was so painful that there was no reality where he hadn’t torn, and he dreads what he knows he has to do. 

He’d been hoping gravity would make it easy for him and that if he just took a shower all of… of it would start coming out on its own, but he begins to find that isn’t the case the longer he stands there, his heart filling with trepidation. He would have to get it out himself.

Never before had he ever touched himself there, and before a day ago, no one else had, either. He was a straight man to begin with who had an apathy to sex and a particular distaste for anything homosexual. How could he ever touch himself there? It was disgusting.

Except now, he helplessly finds that he has to. If he wanted it out now, then the only option would be to…

Xie Qingcheng feels sick, feels even more lightheaded and dizzy, truly awful. After some mental preparation, he convinces himself the shame of having cum inside of him was worse than him taking it out, and so he hesitantly moves his fingers down and prods at that hidden place he had not once ever thought of touching.

For a while, he keeps his fingers there, hesitant and nauseous. Eventually though, he tells himself to just get this the fuck over with and presses his fingers in.

Xie Qingcheng doesn’t know how long he spends scraping it out of himself. All he knows is the way he flinches in flashes of pain and discomfort when he grazes a tear, the absolute humiliation of feeling the tackiness on his fingers, the shame that fully encompasses him. He can’t tell if the wetness of his eyes are tears or the stream of the shower hitting his face. 

By the time he’s done everything he could to get himself clean he washes his hands, violently shaking. His throat feels dry, his jaw clenched as he goes to get out of the shower. He couldn’t stay there all day— if he took any longer, things would be difficult.

But then he remembers what he’ll be facing as soon as he leaves, remembers the look that had been on He Yu’s face right before he’d flipped him onto his stomach and yanked his pants down. With a shuddered breath, Xie Qingcheng turns the temperature of the water even higher.

It’s so hot it feels as if he might as well be boiling in a pot of hot soup, but he takes comfort in the fact that the physical discomfort takes his mind off of the awful thoughts and memories that threaten to push to the forefront of his mind.

His legs sway from exhaustion and exertion, his head throbbing so much it felt as if his brain were beating within his skull just as his heart was beating in his chest. He feels so awful he might throw up, weak and nauseous.

His body really couldn’t handle it anymore. He had been trying to hold himself together in front of He Yu to preserve at least some of his dignity and pride, but now that he was alone, it was as if the tape that had been vicariously holding him together had been ripped off.

Xie Qingcheng’s vision blurs, his head spinning, legs trembling, his face blanched. He goes to shakily hold the wall of the shower for some sort of support but can’t even find the strength to do that as his legs give out from under him.

He collapses.

Chapter Text

When Xie Qingcheng wakes up, while he doesn’t feel anything that could be considered “good” by any semblance of the word, he also doesn’t feel too terribly awful, either. 

Slowly blinking, he lifts his head a little, looking around and realizing he isn’t in the shower anymore. Instead, he’s back in the basement with a pillow placed under his head and a blanket tossed over him. A new plain-white dress shirt and black slacks are dressed on him, things he’d normally wear.

His wounds had also been properly bandaged, he realizes. Even the room had been cleaned spotless, the vomit and blood gone, and he continues blinking as he tries to process everything, his brain muddled.

Right. He’d been taking a shower but had collapsed at some point from how awful he’d felt. It seemed like He Yu had found him like that and brought him back to the basement.

Xie Qingcheng looks around to see if he’s alone. When he realizes he is, he finds his tired gaze going up to the ceiling. He unseeingly stares at it.

He’d been hoping that since He Yu seemed to hold a grudge against him now and was angry at him from the video, he would stop caring about Xie Qingcheng’s health and just let him die from his wounds getting infected or something. Instead of any of that though, he had gone out of his way to clean and bandage them, as well as give him new clothes.

If he was doing all this, it was clear that nothing had changed in regards to keeping Xie Qingcheng locked away here. Except now, he…

Maybe that awful thing he’d done had just been a one-time thing, a lapse in judgment brought on by alcohol and his flare up. If it wasn’t though, and if he was keeping Xie Qingcheng alive to continue doing that…

If Xie Qingcheng thought he’d been feeling a little better upon waking up, he suddenly finds that he’d been wrong. Maybe his body wasn’t in as much pain, but his mind couldn’t stand it. 

Didn’t He Yu hate him now? Why do all this? Why dress his wounds, why give him a new clean set of clothes, a pillow? Why couldn’t he either just kill him or let him go? What the hell was he getting out of this?

Though Xie Qingcheng’s eyes had drifted closed at some point, dragged shut by exhaustion, they shoot open again when he hears the door open. In an instant, his entire body stiffens. He moves to sit upright, holding the blanket to himself as it irrationally felt like another layer to have between his body and whatever He Yu wanted to do with it. 

He Yu stares at him, a water bottle and a bowl of something steaming in hand. He sets both on the floor and crosses his arms.

While the last time he’d seen him he’d looked angry and desperate, now, there’s an unreadable look on his face as he continues staring at Xie Qingcheng. 

“You were out for two days.” 

Xie Qingcheng doesn’t want to hear He Yu’s voice, let alone look at him after what he’d done, feeling so disgusted it takes over every other emotion he feels. He doesn’t respond.

He Yu continues. “You should eat something. I know you’re hungry.”

It’s true Xie Qingcheng is hungry. It’s also true he doesn’t really want to go over and eat whatever the hell He Yu had just made, or at least, not when he was around to watch. He only glances at the bowl for a moment before looking away, scowling. 

It’s silent for a while. Xie Qingcheng can hear He Yu’s light footsteps as well as the sound of wood scraping against the concrete floor as he sits down where he usually sits. Despite not looking at him, Xie Qingcheng can practically feel He Yu’s eyes boring into the side of his skull.

“Who told you you could take a shower? I let you out to use the bathroom. Now look at what happened,” He Yu eventually says, having the nerve to almost sound irritated. As if Xie Qingcheng being so worn out from his abuse to the point he passed out was somehow Xie Qingcheng’s fault. 

The fact that he makes it sound as if this whole situation had come at his own inconvenience is so outrageous that while Xie Qingcheng had been planning on just ignoring him, his head ends up snapping in his direction before he can stop it. “Who gives a shit if I decide to take a shower? What, is your water bill too high or something? I’ll make sure to fucking pay you back when I get out of here.” 

He Yu’s foot taps on the ground, his words sounding almost childish. “This is my house. If I let you out to use the bathroom, you’re only supposed to use the bathroom.” 

What kind of power trip was he on? Why the hell did it matter if he’d felt disgusting and used and wanted to clean himself off? “Your house? So if I ask to go take a shower in my own, you’ll take me over there? That shouldn’t be a problem, right?” 

“Why are you even asking? Have you forgotten that you’re my captive? No one told you to be so difficult!” 

“If you wanted some little bitch you should have looked into the mirror and captured what you saw, motherfucker.” 

It probably isn’t smart to rile up He Yu, but Xie Qingcheng has found that he’s beginning to care less and less. It felt like he really had nothing else to lose. If this was his personal hell he had been thrown into, then while the flames were licking and burning his skin into a charred, cracked mess, he could at least retaliate against the devil who had put him there in the moments before he completely burnt to ash. 

The room settles into an uncomfortable silence. In his first few days in this place when He Yu would just stare at him and not say anything, Xie Qingcheng had learned to mostly ignore him and pretend he wasn’t there. After everything He Yu has done though, no matter how hard Xie Qingcheng tries, he can’t put his guard down or pretend that He Yu isn’t in the room with him. It felt as if he was sitting in a box with a damn bear, waiting until it inevitably got hungry and tore a chunk out of his leg. 

Out of the corner of his eye he glances over at He Yu after some time has passed, trying to see if he really was just staring at him. When he finds that he is, he quickly looks away, suppressing a shudder and closing his eyes. What the hell did he want? Why couldn’t he just leave? Xie Qingcheng already despised being locked in a damn basement but it became genuinely unbearable when He Yu was there with him. 

Suddenly, He Yu says, “Your injuries were infected. I gave you some antibiotics.” 

What did he want, a fucking cookie? Gratitude? He was the one who had inflicted those injuries in the first place. 

“Xie Qingcheng, you used to be a doctor. You should have known just by looking at them that they were infected. Why didn’t you say anything?” He Yu presses, using a tone of voice Xie Qingcheng can’t decipher. 

Xie Qingcheng gives him a cold look. It was true he’d seen the signs of infection. There had been pain and swelling on the wounds on his thighs, not to mention dark lines had run down just under the skin, beginning to spread as his injuries worsened. He hadn’t said anything because he both thought He Yu wouldn’t do anything about it and felt it would have been fine to escape from this hell if the infection killed him. It was a fucking shame He Yu suddenly felt like acting as a savior and tended to him.

“And how do you think I got those wounds in the first place?” 

He Yu doesn’t immediately respond. Xie Qingcheng sneers, leaning his head back to look up at the ceiling. He traces the wooden beams with his eyes, fighting off the fatigue that encompasses him like a warm blanket. Even though he knows he’s just as vulnerable either way, actually falling asleep with He Yu in the vicinity is still a stupid idea. 

It’s as if He Yu is uncomfortable with being left thinking about the consequences of his own actions. After a while in which he silently stares somewhere past Xie Qingcheng’s head, he glances back at the water bottle he’d brought in as well as the bowl of food that had since stopped steaming.

“If you’re not going to eat right now, you should still at least drink something,” he says. 

Xie Qingcheng glances at the water bottle with a throbbing head, then at He Yu. “I see you’re still acting like water is some magical cure that will fix all of life’s problems.” 

“Would it kill you to stop being so difficult? Just drink it.” 

Xie Qingcheng looks at He Yu. Then, carefully, he pushes himself to his feet. Despite the time that had passed he still feels a little sore, and he blanches at the realization, forcing himself to straighten his back and casually walking over to where He Yu had set the bowl and water bottle. 

Upon seeing that Xie Qingcheng is actually listening to him for once, He Yu straightens up, seeming almost relieved. He intently watches as Xie Qingcheng takes the water bottle in his hands and moves to twist the cap. It opens with a slight popping sound. 

Xie Qingcheng flings the water at He Yu’s face. 

He Yu’s eyes widen. He flinches back but still ends up with his entire front half and hair soaked, the rest of the water that hadn’t made it onto him dripping into a shallow puddle on the floor. 

His eyes go red. “Xie Qingcheng.” 

Xie Qingcheng throws the emptied water bottle at his feet, feeling a sort of thrill at seeing how pissed off he looks. It served this motherfucker right. What the hell was he even doing, beating the shit out of him and then acting like he actually cared about his injuries? He was really out of his mind if he thought Xie Qingcheng was going to sit around like a good little captive and do whatever he wanted him to do. 

The momentarily thrill and adrenaline over something as small as flinging water at He Yu is brief. After a moment in which He Yu’s eyes flash red, Xie Qingcheng lets out a shout as he’s grabbed by the hair and shoved to the floor, pushed down onto his stomach. 

Xie Qingcheng’s heart rate spikes, an all-encompassing feeling of panic taking over him. His eyes go wide and afraid as he thrashes, trying to push himself back up. 

He was going to do it again. He was going to– 

He Yu shoves his face down, grinding his cheek into the wet floor. “I was trying to be nice, Xie Qingcheng. I wrapped up your injuries, gave you antibiotics, and even made congee for you to get better, yet this is how you repay me? You’re so ungrateful.” 

It feels as if walls are closing in on him, squeezing and squeezing until each and every bone in his body begins to crack and splinter under the pressure. “Don’t– get off of me, get off of me–” 

“Since you want to play games, I’ll play along,” He Yu coldly says as he leans over him, digging a knee into Xie Qingcheng’s back. “Drink it.”

“What the hell are you talking about!?” Xie Qingcheng shouts. 

“I don’t feel like going to grab another water bottle when you get thirsty,” He Yu explains. “Lick it up.”

Xie Qingcheng doesn’t know whether to be relieved he isn’t doing what he thought he was going to do or furious he’d ask something so ridiculous and humiliating in the first place. He continues thrashing, frantically trying to buck him off. 

“You must be out of your damn mind! What the fuck do you mean lick it up? Go die!”

“Doctor Xie, I’m sure the words of some stupid kid aren’t that complicated for you. Aren’t you smarter than people like me? Lick it up means lick it up with your tongue. Do you understand or do you need a demonstration?”

“Let me go! He Yu, you dirty motherfucker!”

Despite thrashing to his best ability, he finds himself losing strength, his muscles already sluggish from how weak his body had gotten. The more he thrashes, the more force He Yu uses to keep him in place, digging his knee even deeper into his back. “This wouldn’t have had to happen if you’d have just drunk the water. Maybe from now on you’ll learn to stop being so difficult.”

Though He Yu is able to hold him down, he isn’t able to actually physically make Xie Qingcheng lick the water up. Even as Xie Qingcheng’s face continues to be ground and shoved into the wet floor, he stubbornly keeps his jaw tensed shut, squeezing his eyes closed and internally cursing the unfortunate series of events that had led to He Yu being born. 

“Open your mouth,” He Yu demands.

Xie Qingcheng refuses to open his mouth, refuses to do something so humiliating. If his pride had already been shattered, then doing this would be the thing to completely and utterly destroy any shards that remained, turning them into a powered dust that could be blown away with a single misplaced breath.

How could he do something so degrading and filthy? Unless He Yu pried his mouth open and cut his tongue out to use as a sponge, there was no chance of it ever touching the dirty fucking floor. 

After none of his attempts to physically force Xie Qingcheng work, He Yu begins to lose his patience. Gripping Xie Qingcheng’s hair so tightly it feels like he’s trying to yank it out, he yanks his head up and leans closer so that his lips are right next to Xie Qingcheng’s ear, so close he can feel each and every warm exhale of breath. The sensation is disgusting. 

“All this time you’ve been acting like you don’t have anything to lose,” He Yu dangerously says, his voice quiet. “But that’s where you’re wrong, Xie Qingcheng. I bet your meimei would think otherwise.”

Xie Qingcheng pales. 

Right. Xie Xue. Xie Xue, she… 

“You— you wouldn’t dare,” he grits out. 

He can feel He Yu’s lips curl into a smile against the shell of his ear. “Did you know? Xie Xue has been worried sick about you. She’s taken a break from teaching and is spending all of her time searching for you. She even got some of her students to help.”

The implication of his words makes Xie Qingcheng blanch, his blood going cold. Although there was a chance He Yu was lying, it seemed even more probable that he really was keeping an eye on Xie Xue and keeping track of her whereabouts. 

Knowing the things He Yu has done, personally experiencing how much of a beast He Yu could be— if he ever got his hands on her…

Xie Qingcheng feels furious and afraid. He was her elder brother. He had raised her since she was four years old. It was his responsibility to keep her safe, to make sure her life was comfortable and that she had the resources to be able to succeed in it.

Right now, he wasn’t able to do any of those things. Not only was she wasting her youth looking for him, but he wasn’t able to protect her. Not when he was in such a decrepit state. If He Yu decided to go out right now and do anything to her, there was nothing Xie Qingcheng could do to stop him. He was completely powerless.

“Xie Xue was your friend. She treated you with nothing but kindness! Yet you use her name like this!?” Xie Qingcheng exclaims, his voice just barely shaking. 

If He Yu did anything to Xie Xue… If he ever got his hands on her… 

He Yu’s smile falters. “Didn’t I already tell you? I know everything. That Xie Xue I thought I knew was nothing but a fake.”

“Even if some of your memories of her were made up by your delusions, she’s still someone who treated you with kindness, as a genuine friend. A few fictional memories doesn’t invalidate everything else she’s done for you! Yet you dare to threaten her? In front of me? You must really be seeking death!”

“I wouldn’t have to resort to this in the first place if you would just do as you’re told. It’s really not that difficult.”

“You’re insane! I—”

“Xie Qingcheng. Xie Xue isn’t in any danger now, but she could be. It’s all up to you. I for one don’t really hold much against her and it'd be unfortunate if something happened to her, but it ultimately wouldn’t be that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things.”

Xie Qingcheng goes even paler, beginning to shake. From fear, from anger, or maybe it was humiliation, knowing he really had no power at all. 

If there was one other person in the world He Yu had been close to, it had been Xie Xue. She had been his only friend, had always treated him with kindness. Even if she never knew the truth about his illness and even if some of He Yu’s memories of her had been made up, it was true that she really had been his friend. 

And yet, he was ready to steal her life away from her just for something like this? To get back at Xie Qingcheng? To put him in his place?

For a long time Xie Qingcheng stays stiffly in place, a myriad of thoughts pounding through his mind. He doesn’t want to do something as disgraceful and humiliating as lick water off the floor. He really would rather die.

He’d rather die, but that was himself. If by not doing this Xie Xue was hurt in any way… if He Yu touched even a hair on her head, he…

He could be lying, but what if he wasn’t? It wasn’t a chance Xie Qingcheng could afford to take. Not when it involved Xie Xue’s safety. 

Closing his eyes, Xie Qingcheng clenches his hands into fists, his nails biting into his palms so deeply they draw blood.

After taking in a shuddered breath, he lowers his head and opens his mouth.

**

Xie Qingcheng violently coughs, shuddering. Despite how long it had been his legs won’t stop shaking, trembling so violently all he can do is lay there and will for them to stop.

After He Yu had made him do that horrid act of licking the water off the floor, he had gotten a dangerous glint in his eyes. He had flipped him over onto his back, and…

Despite vomiting everything that had been in his stomach last time, this time, he just barely manages to force it down. 

Disgust. 

He feels so disgusting and used he doesn’t know what to do. It had hurt even more this time, with that thing scraping and rubbing against the cuts and tears from before. The painful throbbing is impossible to ignore, like someone was steadily drilling somewhere deep inside of him with a jackhammer.

He Yu had really done it again.

Now, there’s no doubt in his mind that the first time hadn’t just been a fluke, a temporary lapse in judgment. He Yu had done it again, from seemingly out of nowhere. He’d done it again, and, more likely than not, he would continue doing it again. 

If Xie Qingcheng lets himself think about it any more than he already has he’ll lose his mind before He Yu loses his. He shakily breathes in through his nose and out through his mouth, tracing jellyfish over his arms and hands, over the floor nearest to him. He tries his very hardest to simply focus on the act of tracing the jellyfish and nothing else, forcibly taking his thoughts and slamming a lid on them.

Thinking didn’t help anything. Thinking about how his entire body throbbed with pain, how it was especially bad from deep inside him, didn’t help anybody. Thinking about how this time he had been facing up and He Yu had forced him to look at him, had…

Don’t think. Don’t think, don’t think, don’t think. Don’t fucking think about it.

Xie Qingcheng grabs at his hair with trembling hands, breathing in through his nose and out through his mouth, again and again.

There was no point in thinking. Thinking didn’t change anything. Thinking was useless.

At some point tracing jellyfish around him isn’t enough. There was always one video he went to to calm himself down, one he had saved specifically for things that stressed him out, but he didn’t have his computer on him. He couldn’t access it all. He didn’t have a cigarette either, didn’t have a book, didn’t have a phone, didn’t have anything he could use to distract himself.

For a long time, Xie Qingcheng sits there and tries to force himself to stop trembling, to stop thinking and just calm down. Eventually though, he can’t stand just sitting there and weakly pushes himself up.

He paces around the room. Each step he takes makes a sharp, distinct pain shoot through him, but even the shame of such an awful feeling is better than just sitting there.

After a few minutes of aimlessly walking back and forth and in circles, Xie Qingcheng takes a deep breath. Then, he grabs the lone wooden chair in the room and takes it into his hands, slamming it into the wall. 

He does it over and over again, ignoring the way his arms shake, how the movement makes him exhausted even when he’s really not doing that much at all. 

It feels better to break something, especially something He Yu uses. He knows he can just go out and buy another one but this gives him at least some respite, makes him feel as if he has some control of something.

By the time he’s done, panting and out of breath, the chair is a complete wreck that less resembles a chair and would be more accurately described as a mass of broken, splintered wood.

He stares at the pile for a while, his heart beating so quickly he can practically hear it in his ears. The queasy feeling throughout his body still hasn’t gone away, nor has the nausea, but he feels the slightest bit better. 

His body really was in a pitiable state— even just that much exertion had sapped him of any energy he might have had. Sweat lines his forehead, his throat uncomfortably dry. 

In the end, he could break a thousand chairs and nothing would change the fact that he was stuck down in this basement, completely at He Yu’s mercy. Even if it made him feel a little better in the moment, there really wasn’t much satisfaction in it at all.

Xie Qingcheng sags. He’s about to move to another side of the room, hoping He Yu won’t lash out about the dumbass chair, when he suddenly realizes something. His tired eyes widen, quickly flicking to the door before going back to the pile of wood. 

The chair had been thoroughly destroyed, splintered and in a mess of pieces. It was also high quality wood and not the flimsy cheap kind, so everything, even the splintered parts, were hard and sturdy.

Sharp objects. He had created sharp objects.

He Yu had been careful about not leaving anything that could be used as a weapon or as a way to escape anywhere he could access it, but right here was…

Xie Qingcheng quickly reaches down and grabs two of the sharpest looking pieces, pricking his fingers to test how sharp they are. When he realizes they really feel like they can cut him open, his heart begins to beat even faster. He begins shaking again, but for another reason, this time.

All this time he’d been thinking about escape but hadn’t found a way to do it. In fact, with how careful He Yu usually was, at some point he had realized the probability might as well be zero.

With this, though…

Xie Qingcheng knows he won’t be able to beat He Yu in a physical altercation in his state. Despite how much he wished to stab the beast’s heart and throat out, it wasn’t likely he’d be able to actually do that unless he completely caught him off guard, something that was unlikely. He Yu wouldn’t be falling asleep around him anytime soon.

Rather, while he probably wouldn’t be able to use the wood as a weapon, the pieces were sharp, and the rope he’d been wearing around his wrists and ankles had begun to grow worn. If he discreetly used the wood to get free from his bindings…

The main issue is hiding them until the time is right. His first thought is to hide pieces on his person, but that wouldn’t work, not when even his own body wasn’t safe from He Yu. He would have to find somewhere discreet to hide them in the basement.

Xie Qingcheng looks around, not feeling very optimistic. The basement itself was completely empty and clean, a medium-sized room. The floors were concrete, so he wouldn’t be able to hide anything under the nonexistent floorboards. The walls themselves are smooth, too, and he wouldn’t be able to do anything with them either. 

The only things in the room are Xie Qingcheng himself, a blanket, a pillow, and what was left of the chair. 

The pillow…

He takes it into his hands, examining it. It was a standard white pillow that had a casing around it that could be zipped up. Just putting the wood in the casing would be too obvious, but it might work if he cut a small opening into the pillow itself and hid a piece of wood with the stuffing. 

Even then, there’s still the main problem of the conspicuous lumps the pieces of wood make.The bigger pieces were the sharpest and sturdiest, but they were also harder to hide. Only after whittling a piece down to where it’s just barely big enough to still be efficient while not being egregiously large is he satisfied that He Yu probably wouldn’t notice even if he examined the pillow.

Xie Qingcheng flips the pillow over once he’s done with everything, a small sliver of hope thrumming throughout his chest for the first time since he’d woken up in this cursed place. Even if this might not mean anything, even if he was caught later, it was something. Some chance of escape was better than absolutely no chance.

The rope binding him was still rather coarse and difficult to cut through despite its worness, so it would probably take a while to cut through it. At the same time, he had to make sure to time when he was sawing at it to avoid He Yu catching him in the act. Xie Qingcheng also knew He Yu sometimes washed the pillowcase and blanket when Xie Qingcheng was either asleep or in the shower. He'd have to hope luck was on his side and that He Yu didn’t notice anything odd about the pillow. 

Despite how slim his chances of escape still are and despite how all he had now was pretty much just a sharpened stick, it gives him something to think about besides the throbbing pain in his lower body. He distracts himself with plans of escape, latching on to anything and everything else to keep his mind off of the one thing he truly wants to ignore. 

By the time He Yu visits, though Xie Qingcheng had managed to somewhat distract himself, hearing the door open and seeing He Yu’s face again immediately sends all his efforts down the drain.

Thankfully he had already positioned the pillow in such a way that the slight lump inside couldn’t be seen, his blanket haphazardly thrown across some of it. He forces his gaze not to flick over to it out of reflex as he calmly looks forward.

He Yu’s gaze goes down to what remains of his chair. Despite Xie Qingcheng expecting him to be angry, he only laughs. The sound seems to chill the air in the room.

“Do you feel better after breaking something? What made you so angry you went and did that to my chair?” he asks, walking over and examining the scraps.

He Yu isn’t stupid. He takes one look at the pile of sharp, splintered wood before casting a cautious glance at Xie Qingcheng, looking him over.

It takes everything in Xie Qingcheng to keep an unfazed expression on his face. “What are you looking at?”

“…Nothing.”

He Yu reaches over and picks up one of the pieces of wood, examining it. It just so happens to be one of the pieces Xie Qingcheng had first picked up, only discarding because it was too big and noticeable. Just as Xie Qingcheng had done, he pricks his finger with it. Blood beads at the top.

He walks over and smears the blood over Xie Qingcheng’s lips with a smile. Xie Qingcheng jerks away with disgust, growing more alarmed when He Yu grabs him by the arm and hauls him up from where he’d been sitting. 

“…I’ll deal with that later. Come with me for now.”

“Get your hands off of me!”

Xie Qingcheng’s mind races as he begins to be dragged up the stairs by He Yu. He has the awful thought that He Yu is going to push him down again, is going to fuck him, but he had just done so earlier. He wasn’t going to do it again, was he? But if that was his plan, why would he bring him anywhere else?

At the very least, when he looks at He Yu, he doesn’t seem especially mad or emotional. In fact, after he had gotten done fucking him, it was as if he’d been sedated with some kind of tranquilizer, his mood instantly boosted. Xie Qingcheng feels sick at the realization.

He doesn’t know what he had been expecting. Whatever it was, it definitely wasn’t being dragged to the bathroom.

For a moment, he can only stare at the door. 

What the hell was this? Did He Yu need to go somewhere and was just giving him a bathroom break in advance or something?

It feels suspicious, and Xie Qingcheng cautiously glances at He Yu. “What are you doing?”

Though Xie Qingcheng had stopped in the doorway, he’s suddenly pushed into the bathroom, stumbling inside.

“Since you like taking showers so much even when you’re not told to, I figured you might like one now.” He laughs. “Why the face, Xie Qingcheng? I thought you’d be happy about this.”

It was true that Xie Qingcheng felt absolutely disgusting and used, soiled from the inside out. It was true that he wanted nothing more than to shower and to scrub himself raw, rid himself of the phantom touches of He Yu’s hands on his skin, marking him. 

While all of this was true, having He Yu imply it feels humiliating. Yet what could he do? Waste this chance of being clean just because of his shame? 

“If you’re letting me take a shower, get out. I don’t feel like entertaining an audience.”

When He Yu doesn’t move, his lips twitching into a smile, Xie Qingcheng should recognize the signs and realize that something’s wrong. Maybe he does, and is just in denial about it. Or maybe it was that he was too exhausted to think properly. 

“…What do you want, a fucking thanks? Fine. Thanks for letting me take a damn shower,” Xie Qingcheng growls. “Now get out.

He Yu still hasn’t moved. His smile grows even wider as he steps into the bathroom and closes the door behind him, locking it with an ominous click.

Alarm bells ring in Xie Qingcheng’s ears. What was he even doing? What was the point in bringing him here? This fucker, why did it seem as if he constantly had something nefarious up his sleeves?

“Hold on a second. Before we start, I want to do something first,” He Yu begins. “Take your clothes off.”

Xie Qingcheng gives him a cold look.

“What? Were you planning on showering with them on?”

Don’t tell me… is he really planning on just sitting here and watching?

“…Get out.”

He Yu casually leans against the door. “No.”

“He Yu, I’m serious! Get out!”

“Why is this such a big deal? It’s not like there’s anything I haven’t seen before.”

Xie Qingcheng flushes in rage and humiliation. For a while he stands there, trembling from anger. If this had been before everything had happened, or if it were with anyone else, he wouldn’t care about being seen naked by another man. They would both be men so it didn’t matter.

The last thing he wants to do is undress in front of He Yu, though. It was clear all the thoughts in his head about Xie Qingcheng were lecherous and perverted, not to mention, he clearly got some sort of sick enjoyment in seeing the marks and bruises he left on him, which there were a lot of, right now.

After what feels like minutes pass in which he forces himself to calm down, eventually, he decides he shouldn’t let He Yu win. Xie Qingcheng wanted to take a shower. Who gave a fuck if that bastard was going to watch? It wouldn’t stop him from getting clean.

And so, Xie Qingcheng begins grimly undressing with a scowl on his face. It’s difficult to hide how hard it is. With his arms bound, it’s a struggle to get out of his shirt, and that wasn’t even beginning to mention the absolute agony it is to get out of his pants. Though he tries to suppress it, he can’t stop the way his brows twitch in pain, his lips just barely trembling.

In the end, he’s left standing completely naked. It feels awful. He feels weak and vulnerable, and yet he doesn’t let it show on his face. He stands up straight, lifting his chin and ridding himself of any hunch his back gravitates towards. 

He Yu doesn’t hide the way he takes in his naked body, and Xie Qingcheng’s eyes harden, his fingers twitching.

Let him look. It didn’t matter.

He moves to step into the shower. Only then does he realize the shower curtain is gone.

Actually, now that he looks around the room, he finds there are a few changes he hadn’t immediately seen, not when he’d been so focused on He Yu. The most noticeable is the missing shower curtain, but the small mat that had been on the floor in front of the shower is also gone.

He hadn’t noticed before because he’d been too preoccupied with He Yu, but now that he does, his sense that something is wrong grows even worse. He turns to demand what all of this is about when suddenly, his forearm is grabbed.

It’s like He Yu had been waiting for that moment. He quickly takes Xie Qingcheng’s bound wrists and loops rope (where the hell had he gotten rope!?) down the middle, tying it in a knot before Xie Qingcheng even realizes what he’s doing.

“What are you doing? Let me go!” he shouts, flinching when the force irritates the raw skin of his wrists. 

He thrashes, trying to yank his arms away, but He Yu’s grip on him is crushing. It feels as if there’s no give at all. 

Cursing, he continues to violently struggle as He Yu tosses the other end of the rope over the shower rod and ties it into another knot, yanking Xie Qingcheng’s arms up. Like this, Xie Qingcheng finds himself bound with his arms above his head.

He Yu steps back with an expression like he’s admiring his work, and Xie Qingcheng wants to kill him. He tries yanking his arms down but it’s as if the damn shower rod had been fastened in place with fucking tar. It doesn’t budge at all.

So this is what he’d been planning. He should’ve known the moment he’d brushed aside the broken chair that something wasn’t right.

Being strung up naked like this as if he’s some kind of display makes Xie Qingcheng nauseous. If he hadn’t been so enraged he really might have thrown up on the spot. 

“Didn’t you already have your fun earlier? What’s the point in doing this?” he harshly says.

He Yu pulls out a rag from a cabinet next to the sink, leaning over to turn the shower on. He fiddles with the temperature for a bit, putting his hand under the water. Once it seems he’s satisfied, he moves the nozzle to point at Xie Qingcheng. The high water pressure sends a spark of pain through him as the droplets hit his bruises. 

“Fun? But Doctor Xie, aren’t you the one who likes taking showers? I’m doing this for you. You should be thankful you’re getting to wash up like this.”

“I should be grateful for having a basic human necessity?” Despite how he hates himself for it, he can’t stop the way his voice just barely shakes when He Yu grabs a hold of his waist to keep him in place. “Eat shit, you human scum.”

“Stop acting like you’re any better than me. Neither of us are good people.”

“Even if I might be a shitty person, at least I’m not a murderer and a rapist.”

He Yu goes quiet as he soaks the rag he’d gotten, squirting body wash on it and beginning to scrub Xie Qingcheng down. It seems Xie Qingcheng might have struck a nerve because as if in retaliation, he purposefully uses more pressure against the purple and green finger-shaped bruises littering his waist.

Xie Qingcheng flinches, and He Yu smiles a deranged smile, beginning to silently work.

After the first few violent scrubs, he begins to move more carefully, starting from Xie Qingcheng’s face. It gives Xie Qingcheng an excuse to close his eyes and pretend he’s anywhere else, and so he does just that.

He tries to ignore the disgusting feeling of a warm hand holding him in place, the roughness of the rag dragging back and forth over his skin. He thinks about his work. He thinks about Xie Xue. He thinks about an old milk tea shop he used to go to when he was a boy.

Despite thinking He Yu had gone into this with unpleasant intentions, he really does just scrub Xie Qingcheng down, not seeming to be in a particular rush but also not fooling around, either.

It doesn’t make much sense why he had decided to do this. Apart from humiliating Xie Qingcheng, there really didn’t seem like a good reason to. It wasted his time, not to mention, what reason would make a man want to wash another man strung up like this? It was deplorable. Even if He Yu was gay, he wasn’t doing anything more than washing him now, so what was the point? Why go through so much trouble? 

As He Yu makes his way lower and lower, Xie Qingcheng feels himself going even more on edge, his muscles beginning to cramp from how stiff he is. Even then though, He Yu only washes what Xie Qingcheng had been dreading normally. It comes as a relief. He keeps his head turned away, his eyes squeezed shut.

When He Yu finishes washing him he moves around the nozzle to wash away what remains of the soapy suds smelling faintly of vanilla. 

Xie Qingcheng thinks that’s the end of it, relieved that the humiliating ordeal is finally over. When he opens his eyes to see He Yu grabbing more items from the cabinet though, all hope he feels takes a nosedive down to the deepest parts of the ocean, where not even light could reach. 

He Yu is holding a razor and shaving cream, he realizes, and he jolts in alarm. He Yu with anything sharp never meant anything good. The last time he’d had something that could cut someone he’d stabbed Xie Qingcheng in the thigh and mangled his own arm so badly that even now, he still has a bandage tightly wrapped around it.

“Your hair has started to grow out a lot, Doctor Xie. Since you don’t seem to like having facial hair, I’ll do you the favor of shaving it off for you.”

Saying this, He Yu steps in front of Xie Qingcheng, spraying some shaving cream into the palm of his hand. Xie Qingcheng pulls away.

Though he knows it’s useless, he still finds himself saying, “I can do it myself.”

“That isn’t needed.” He Yu smears the shaving cream onto his lower face. “Just stand there and let me take care of you.”

“Take care of me? You must be—”

Xie Qingcheng goes silent when he feels the cool blade of the razor make contact with his skin. His eyes go red. 

It comes to no surprise that He Yu has steady hands and is experienced with blades, no matter how small. He goes slowly, making sure not to nick Xie Qingcheng, moving on to his underarms once he’s done with the face. All the while, Xie Qingcheng can only stiffly stand there. 

After only a short while, He Yu completely finishes, and Xie Qingcheng feels himself sagging from how tense his muscles had been. He expects that now He Yu will really be done and let him go— being bound like this with his arms above his head was becoming increasingly uncomfortable, and he just wanted to hurry up and get some clothes, wanted He Yu to just leave him alone already. 

What he doesn’t expect is for He Yu to clean off the razor before crouching down until he’s level with Xie Qingcheng’s crotch.

Without saying anything, he begins to smear shaving cream on the coarse hair there, too, and Xie Qingcheng’s mind goes blank, his heart rate picking up.

Upon seeing his reaction, He Yu smiles. While the smile itself is innocent, the look in his eyes is dark, flashing with something knowing.

“Ge, you have a lot of hair here, too. Don’t worry, I’ll clean everything up for you.”

He had only started calling him ‘Ge’ after the first time he had fucked him. While Xie Qingcheng feels uncomfortable at the title, it’s completely overshadowed by the fact that He Yu was—what was he even doing!? He was a grown man, he didn’t need to be shaved there like he was a fucking child. Just trimming was enough, but shaving everything— was He Yu really trying to steal from him every dignity he had?

“You’ve already done enough! Fuck, aren’t you finished yet? Let me go! Stop this!” Xie Qingcheng yells, trying to get leverage to kick He Yu away. His bound ankles ensure that all his efforts are completely useless. 

He Yu continues smearing the shaving cream over him, putting it dangerously close to his dick. Xie Qingcheng jolts, his blood going cold. “He Yu! What’s the point in doing this? Just let me go already!”

“What’s the point in anyone doing anything? I’m doing it because I want to.”

“What the hell is wrong with you to make you want to do something like this? It for damn sure isn’t your illness!”

Once He Yu is done spreading out the shaving cream he wipes the residue on his hands onto a nearby towel. “This is just the kind of person I am. Didn’t you say it yourself? That I’m human garbage.”

“Just the kind of person you are? What, a gay? There’s no other reason to explain why you’re doing something like this!”

Though He Yu’s expression had been in what almost seemed like a good mood before, it suddenly sours. He finishes wiping the remaining shaving cream off his hands and leans in with the razor, voice cold. “I’d be careful about what I said right now if I was you, Xie Qingcheng.”

Why was he acting like being called gay was some kind of trigger or something? Was that not exactly what he was? If not, why was he fucking doing this!? Was he just in denial!? 

While Xie Qingcheng fully plans to continue giving him a hard time, it really was a stupid idea to patronize the person holding a blade less than a finger’s width from his dick. He grimly seals his lips, his hands squeezing into fists.

The blade really does go too close as He Yu shaves him. At some point Xie Qingcheng had frozen, standing completely stiff straight, but his arms really were uncomfortable from the way they were positioned over his head. Though he tries to force himself to be perfectly still, his arms can’t help but shake, which in turn has the rest of his body just barely trembling. 

He Yu’s hands are steady, and yet despite Xie Qingcheng having stopped breathing, holding his breath, the slight trembling of his arms is enough. 

“Stop moving so much. Are you trying to make me cut you?” He Yu murmurs, his grip on Xie Qingcheng’s waist tightening.

Xie Qingcheng feels his already terrible mood growing worse. Though he wants to reply, it feels like even just breathing will put him at risk of becoming a eunuch, and he stays stiffly standing there.

It’s as if He Yu purposefully goes as slowly as he can, just to draw things out. The razor smoothly slides down his skin, and He Yu pauses every so often to get the excess hair out or to untangle the few coarse hairs that get tangled.

The more time that passes, the more violently Xie Qingcheng’s arms shake. He jolts in pain when he feels a sharp prick at the very base of his dick.

He Yu pulls his hand away, frowning. “What did I say? Now look at what happened.”

Xie Qingcheng doesn’t speak, turning his head away. His arms won’t stop shaking, feeling fatigued and throbbing in pain.

…Whatever. A cut was bound to happen at some point, and it didn’t feel like it was a very severe one, anyway, just a nick. He Yu seemed like he was pretty much done with this humiliating ordeal anyway. Hopefully now he’d set the damn razor down and untie Xie Qingcheng’s arms before they went necrotic.

He jolts in shock and horror when he feels something soft and warm touch the cut.

His eyes fling wide open, and he jerks his head down to see that He Yu had crouched down to be level with his crotch, flicking his tongue out to lap at the small amount of blood that beads out.

Xie Qingcheng is in so much shock he finds that no words leave his throat. He tries to move his hips away, feeling sick, but He Yu holds him by the waist and pulls him closer.

Wasn’t this the same He Yu who constantly denounced any accusation of him being gay and acted like even just the implication he liked touching men was some heinous attack on his person? What was he doing? 

The cut is at the very base of his dick at the bottom of it, and while maybe in another scenario it might have felt nice to be licked there, Xie Qingcheng is in so much shock and horror that all he feels is extreme disgust. If even just the feeling of He Yu’s skin against his was uncomfortable, then he couldn’t even begin to describe the discomfort that came from having his tongue on him.

Just as quickly as he had lowered himself down, He Yu raises back up again, smiling a crazed smile when he sees the look on Xie Qingcheng’s face. His own face has some shaving cream smeared on his cheek, a small trace of blood on the corners of his lips.

“There you go, Ge. It’s all better now.”

Xie Qingcheng resists the urge to vomit. He turns away.

Of course, He Yu doesn’t like that. “How many times do I have to tell you to look at me?” He grabs him by the chin, forcing him to look at himself. “I cleaned the mess up for you. Say thank you.”

Xie Qingcheng glares at him. “Go fuck yourself.”

Only after the words are spit out does he realize his mistake. He Yu smirks, his eyes going an even darker red. “Why should I fuck myself when I have something that will feel even better right here?”

It feels as if he’d just dug a hole and made sure to do a flip before jumping into it on his own accord. Regret and fear fill Xie Qingcheng. He was still sore from earlier that day, he couldn’t just… how much energy did this monster have? Were all young people like this?

“Don’t—”

“Really, it would be good for you to think before speaking. You always talk like there won’t be any consequences for what you say.”

If being shaved in that area shrouded him in a haze of shame, then being talked down to by some kid who thought he knew better while also not having any power to do anything about it makes the stifling feeling worse.

While He Yu had been talking, he’d rinsed off Xie Qingcheng’s front so that all the stray hair and shaving cream was washed away. Xie Qingcheng really can’t look at himself and goes to turn away, looking at the wall of the bathroom and fixating on a random point on it.

He flinches when He Yu’s hand finds the curve of his ass, running along it. All he can do is close his eyes and grit his teeth.

Seeing that Xie Qingcheng had gone quiet, He Yu leans in closer to him, pressing his chest against his back. “…Don’t worry, I won’t go all the way. I’m just going to clean you out since I know you hate having cum inside of you so much.”

Xie Qingcheng feels both repulsed and relieved he was getting it. It feels dubious. He Yu was the one to have some kind of kink about wanting to cum inside all the time, even when Xie Qingcheng begged him not to. It seemed counterintuitive to scrape it out of him after the fact.

Noticing his silence, He Yu reassures him, “Don’t think about it too much. I’ll fill you back up later.”

I’ll fill you back up later.

Something in Xie Qingcheng breaks. Maybe it was the humiliating nature of the situation itself and the crudeness of those words on top of everything were just making it worse, but suddenly, he feels so hopeless and pessimistic about the future it almost physically hurts.

Even if he had managed to find a way to cut through his bindings, what then? He couldn’t beat He Yu in a fight. Even if he caught him off guard, how long would the element of surprise really benefit him? One second? Two? How much hope did he really have of getting out of here? He Yu would keep him here and keep doing whatever he wanted with him, humiliating him, over and over again until he couldn't take it anymore and lost his mind.

His body stiffens but otherwise doesn’t react when He Yu sinks a finger into him. 

It hurts. The injuries there still hadn’t healed, hadn’t been given a chance to heal. All he can do is clench his jaw and keep his eyes shut as He Yu begins to scrape the leftover cum out of him.

The position itself is uncomfortable. His arms are bound by the shower rod and he stands at the very edge of the bathtub, having to arch his back to keep from falling forward. 

The position itself is awkward, but having to arch his back like this makes it so that He Yu can sink his fingers even deeper into him.

It’s uncomfortable, sparking discomfort and… some other foreign sensation through Xie Qingcheng that mixes along with the pain when He Yu touches a certain place. Each bump and scrape He Yu’s fingers make along that place along with the tears and cuts has Xie Qingcheng feeling extremely uncomfortable, his hips jerking, body trembling.

One particularly rough movement has a loud squelching noise ringing out to accompany the steady sound of the running water. He Yu grins. “Ge, you took so much of me inside. So much is coming out.”

It’s really too uncomfortable. Xie Qingcheng just wants this to stop, wants this horrible situation to be put to an end already. How much longer did this have to go on? Why couldn’t He Yu just leave him alone? Why couldn’t he just– 

“This whole time, did you feel it inside of you? Did it feel good being filled up by me?”

All while He Yu pushes his fingers into him and scrapes out what’s left, he murmurs vulgarities and nonsense into his ear. Xie Qingcheng weakly tries to pull away but no matter how many attempts he makes, he’s only dragged back in the end. 

Only when Xie Qingcheng feels like he really can’t take it anymore, his arms uncontrollably trembling from the strain, his legs shaking, does He Yu finally let him go. After taking out his fingers and washing his hands, he unties the rope keeping his arms strung up.

An explosion of pain shoots through Xie Qingcheng’s stiff joints and muscles. His face is hot with anger and humiliation, though maybe it was also exhaustion.

The entire bathroom is a mess with not a single corner left dry. Both of them are soaked, and He Yu leans forward to pull him into a hug from behind, locking him in place as he presses a kiss to the back of his neck. 

Xie Qingcheng doesn’t have the energy to try and fight him off. Not when he knows it won’t do anything. He can only limply stay in his grip, his vision glazing over.

Chapter Text

“Ge, it almost looks as if your stomach is bulging from my dick. Look, can you see?”

Xie Qingcheng’s hands dig into the skin of He Yu’s shoulders. By now his nails had grown out and he does it to try and get him to stop, but it’s as if He Yu doesn’t even feel the pain of his back being torn up. He doesn’t slow his thrusts at all.

This time he had actually taken the time to properly stretch Xie Qingcheng out and had used a generous amount of lube, so it wasn't as painful as usual. Each and every thrust comes with the feeling of it almost being satisfying when a certain spot inside of him is hit, and that’s somehow worse than any pain the ordeal could have brought. Xie Qingcheng hates himself and his traitorous body so much he wants to die.

With each and every thrust he can feel that terrifyingly thick and hot thing dragging in and out of his body, pushing up against his insides as if we’re trying to stuff him full. He’s jerked back and forth against the concrete floor, over and over again until it feels as if his back is scraped raw. He can barely catch his breath; Though he’s able to prevent the more humiliating sounds that want to jerk up from his throat, he can’t stop the way he has to gasp for air like a drowning man who had gone overboard a ship.

“Oh! You— why do you, shit, go slower—” he grunts, moving to dig his nails even deeper into He Yu’s back, if only to feel as if he has something anchoring him in place to keep him from being completely pounded into the ground. “Stop… stop doing this already!”

“Why should I? We’ve done this so many times already and you’re still saying things like that? I even already came inside you,” He Yu heavily breathes out.

Xie Qingcheng’s face burns with rage and discomfort, because it really was true that this motherfucker had not only cum inside him, but had gone on to do another round after that. Even now, with each thrust of his hips, a wet squelching noise rings out. Either from the cum or lube or both, it was impossible to tell. 

The noises are almost as uncomfortable as the wet sensation itself. Xie Qingcheng wants to cover his ears but ends up deciding that scratching up He Yu’s back and managing to at least give him some discomfort throughout all this was a more productive use of his hands.

He Yu groans. “You have so much of my cum inside of you, it almost feels like you’re gonna get pregnant…”

Why did he always feel the need to spout such ridiculous things while doing this? Why couldn’t he just shut up and get things over with? “What the hell are you talking about! Stop speaking nonsense!”

Today was one of the few days He Yu had also undressed. His skin shines with sweat as he leans over Xie Qingcheng, jagged scars running across not just his wrists but the entire lengths of his arms as well as his thighs, a few scattered over his stomach and chest. The first time Xie Qingcheng had seen them, he’d frozen in shock from just how mutilated what seemed like He Yu’s entire body was. If he could even reduce his own body to such a state, there was no wonder how he could do such horrible things to other people. 

A lustful, obsessive expression lines He Yu’s features as he looks down at Xie Qingcheng, holding him by the waist so tightly it hurts. “It’s true, though. If you were my wife, you would have already been round with my kids a long time ago.”

“What wife? I’m a man!”

Even if he was being treated like this and the one subject to the humiliation of being dominated and fucked, he was still a man. He wasn’t anyone’s wife and couldn’t fucking get pregnant! Why did He Yu constantly bring this up? It was truly ridiculous!

“Even though you’re a man, you can still become a wife. You’re already performing your wifely duties right now, so you might as well already be one.”

“Go to he—”

Xie Qingcheng is cut off, his eyes going wide when He Yu abruptly grabs his legs and pushes them back against his chest to be able to thrust in deeper, letting out a gasp as he does so. Like this, Xie Qingcheng is effectively folded in half. 

The new angle feels unbearably deep, like He Yu’s dick is trying to impale him and come up through his mouth. He chokes, gripping harder onto He Yu and gritting his teeth, refusing to let any sound escape.

It’s like He Yu felt he wasn’t having proper sex if he didn’t attempt to smash the other person half to pieces. By now Xie Qingcheng’s hips had begun to go numb, his back throbbing in pain, his hole feeling sore and painful. And yet, He Yu doesn’t stop. It’s as if he’d stolen the stamina from a damn cross country runner. Every time Xie Qingcheng thinks he must be getting close, he goes on for even longer, pounding into him deep inside.

Xie Qingcheng’s legs uncontrollably shake, his vision going blurry. He Yu is staring down at him, and though he wants to look away, he’s learned the hard way that if he did that in this position, He Yu would fuck him so violently and brutally he’d have no choice but to look back at him, if only to prevent being fucked to death.

He can only squint his eyes and just barely turn his head to the side, brows furrowed, his skin covered in a thin layer of sweat from the unbearable heat that encompasses his entire body. 

“Ah, fuck… wife, hold onto me tighter,” He Yu gasps.

This guy really… Xie Qingcheng was only holding him so tightly because he wanted to hurt him, but to think the fucker had actually been enjoying it!

Disgusted, he immediately retracts his hands, but He Yu growls unhappily. He leans down to grab Xie Qingcheng, holding him to himself as he continues to thrust into him with fast, deep strokes. The feeling of their bare skin pressed against each other, sweaty and hot, makes Xie Qingcheng feel disgusted, but he has nowhere to run.

He Yu only squeezes him tighter when he feels him moving. “Stop trying to run away, Xie Qingcheng. You’re mine.”

“You don’t fucking own me, so stop— ugh!”

One particular thrust is especially violent and deep, taking him off guard, feeling as if it hits a spot so far inside of him nothing should have ever been able to reach there. Trembling, he sucks in air as He Yu breathlessly mutters, “It doesn’t change anything. You’re still mine. You live here and do what I say.”

While Xie Qingcheng wants to tell him off, he also really can’t take any more violent, abrupt thrusts like that. He seals his mouth, struggling to keep up as his body begins trembling more, awash with fatigue and exertion. He had already reached the point where he thought it was too much what felt like hours ago, and yet He Yu just kept going.

Only when Xie Qingcheng feels like he’s going to pass out does He Yu finally finish. He presses Xie Qingcheng into a deep kiss as he cums, swallowing up the frantic, powerless sound Xie Qingcheng makes when He Yu cums inside again.

He presses a kiss to the nape of Xie Qingcheng’s neck, holding him for a long time before eventually murmuring, “Ge, you felt so good.” 

Xie Qingcheng’s chest heaves even as He Yu finally pulls away, his vision slightly blurry. Every part of his body feels sore, and he turns away, pushing at He Yu’s chest with his bound arms. He can’t help the way his words just barely shake. “…If you’re done, then get out.”

To his relief, He Yu really does pull out and doesn’t go for another round. Xie Qingcheng doesn’t think he’d have been able to take any more. “Don’t you want a shower?”

“If it’s one by myself? Sure,” he snaps, though his voice is weighed down by exhaustion. 

He Yu had begun to do this, where he would agree to let Xie Qingcheng have a shower right afterwards as long as he was the one who washed him. Xie Qingcheng doesn’t know why he’s started doing it and absolutely despised it, so unless He Yu forced him to, he wouldn’t. He made it seem like it was such a big deal, but really, he didn’t make Xie Qingcheng wait that long before letting him take a shower anyway. 

“Letting him.” There was really no dignity left for him in a situation like this. Even something as simple as taking a shower or using the bathroom had to be things he was allowed to do. Nothing he did anymore was of his own accord.

He Yu frowns, beginning to dress himself. “Did you forget? The last time you took a shower by yourself, you passed out and were unconscious for two days.”

And who was the one who made me pass out in the first place? 

It’s what Xie Qingcheng wants to say, but He Yu always got strangely defensive and agitated when things like that were brought up. If in his agitation he wanted to push Xie Qingcheng down and fuck him he really would pass out, and so he decides not to take the chance of that happening. 

In the end, he doesn’t say anything and only gives He Yu a pointed look through his exhaustion. What, did he think every time he took a shower by himself he would just collapse and die? How did he think he used to shower before being locked up in this place? 

Eventually, after He Yu pretty much forces Xie Qingcheng to let him help clothe him, he leaves. 

Xie Qingcheng lays there for a while, feeling sore and in pain. His mind is blank as he unseeingly stares at the wall opposite of him.

Every day was the same. Every day left him feeling even more disgusted and used than he’s ever felt in his entire life. There was never a time when he wasn’t bruised and painfully sore in unspeakable places. 

He hated it. He hated this.

He continues staring at nothing for a while, not feeling like moving at all, before he remembers the sharp piece of wood he’d hidden. Usually after fucking him He Yu wouldn’t immediately come back, and Xie Qingcheng would have some moments of peace he could spend resting and recovering his energy before he had to do it all over again. If he were to continue sawing away at his bindings now, it wasn’t terribly likely he’d be caught in the act.

It’s what he thinks, and yet he still finds himself laying there. His eyes are unfocused, his thighs twitching every so often. That damn He Yu might as well be an animal in human skin. He didn’t hold back at all. The last thing Xie Qingcheng wanted to do was get up in the uncomfortable state of his body.

Continuing to lay there just because of the discomfort of his body and his lack of energy seems like he’s letting He Yu win though, hurts Xie Qingcheng’s pride. In the end, he forces himself upright and grabs the pillow he kept the wood, pulling it to himself and continuing the tedious process of sawing at his bindings.

He had decided to start with the rope around his ankles. It had taken some thought, but it’s not like he had anything else to do down in this damn basement but think. After thinking it over some, he had come to the conclusion that it would be more beneficial to have his feet free than his hands.

Maybe having unrestrained hands would be more useful if he still had his old strength and was confident he could take He Yu down, but that just wasn’t realistic anymore. Now, the most important part was making sure he could run the hell away to escape. If he managed to take He Yu by surprise and get out of the basement, it wouldn’t mean a damn thing if he fell down on his ass two steps out the door.

Who knows how long he spends sawing away at the rope. It wasn’t too demoralizing in that he could see it gradually growing thinner as proof that his effort was actually amounting to something, but it did feel like he could only safely manage a small bit each day.

Though he had acquired something sharp, a sharp piece of wood wasn’t exactly a knife. He had sharpened it by rubbing it against the concrete floor and giving it shape, but that could still only do so much. That was to be expected, though. It was a given the process wasn’t something that could just be done in a day or two.

As Xie Qingcheng absently scratches and gouges at the rope around his ankles, resolutely ignoring the pain that radiates through his lower half from sitting crossed legged as well as his from his back being hunched over, he finds himself thinking about Xie Xue.

After He Yu threatened her, Xie Qingcheng had found himself constantly worrying about her well being. Down there, he had no way of knowing if she was okay or not. Considering how much time He Yu spent at the house and how it seemed to be the place where most of his murders were committed, it was unlikely he had done anything to her (yet, he thinks with disdain) but it wasn’t guaranteed. He could have hurt her in some way in the time he spent outside, scared her, and Xie Qingcheng hated that he couldn’t go check up on her.

He Yu had mentioned she had taken a break from teaching to look for him. Hopefully she would realize how foolish she was for wasting her time like that and go back to her job. Searching for him wasn’t worth putting her stability at risk, not to mention how dangerous it could be. Jobs like this should just be left to the police. Getting students to help her search, too? Really, if he could see her, the things he’d have to tell her…

He sighs. That was if he ever got to see her again. If he was lucky and this plan succeeded, then he would. If he failed, though… there would be practically no chance of escape after that. Not after He Yu began taking more precautions to prevent a future escape attempt. 

This was his only chance.

Along with Xie Xue, he finds himself beginning to think of Chen Man and Officer Zheng. Though he hadn’t wanted Xie Xue to waste her time by searching for him, he had hope in his heart that Officer Zheng was looking for him. Chen Man was still a kid in his eyes and he didn’t want to risk him falling into He Yu’s hands, but Officer Zheng was a capable and respected man. Rather than just being able to escape, it was especially important that He Yu was caught so it was ensured he could never commit any more atrocities again. For that, either the police had to find Xie Qingcheng, or Xie Qingcheng had to get out and inform the police. 

He thinks about Chen Man and Officer Zheng, about Xie Xue and Qin Rongbei, as well as her husband and daughter in New York. He thinks about Qin Ciyan and Auntie Li, hoping that Xie Xue was still taking time to visit Moyu lane to take care of the house and keep her company.

Time drags by slowly the way it always does. Eventually though, it becomes too risky to continue sawing away at his bindings with the increasing risk of He Yu coming back, and so he makes sure to carefully hide the piece of wood inside the pillow again, flipping it over so it seems especially inconspicuous.

By the time he’s done, his arms are trembling from fatigue, his back aching, his behind throbbing. He lays down on his side, pulling the nearby blanket to his chest and closing his eyes. His thighs still haven’t stopped shaking. 

***

Xie Qingcheng doesn’t know how long it takes. It could have been days, it could have been weeks. His sense of time had gone to shit.

However much time had passed, it didn’t matter. The main thing that mattered was the fact that he had finally whittled down the rope tying his ankles together to the point that with a few harsh tugs, it would completely rip apart.

He does so a few times, trying to yank his feet apart as hard as he can. On the third yank, the rope finally snaps, and Xie Qingcheng is able to separate his legs for the first time in what feels like an eternity.

He stares down at his ankles. After so long of being tied together, there’s indents from where the rope was. The skin is an ugly shade of purple, bruised and irritated, rubbed raw. It’s disgusting to look at and even just the air brushing against the wounds is painful. Nevertheless…

The rope was really off. He had really managed to cut it off.

He really had a chance to escape.

Though with the way things had been going Xie Qingcheng knew from how whittled the rope had become it would eventually become completely severed as long as he avoided getting caught, actually having accomplished it almost feels like a shock to his system. The idea that escape wasn’t impossible, that the plans he had been thinking of hadn’t been useless, is almost overwhelming.

Of course, it wasn’t as if he’d been gifted a bomb he could use to blast his way out of there. He was still locked in a basement in a house that was probably in bumfuck nowhere, out in the sticks somewhere. His wrists were still bound, his body was weakened, he still had to deal with He Yu.

And yet, he feels hope blooming in his chest. The hope that maybe, he would really be able to escape this awful existence he’s found himself in and be able to go back to his old life, to all the people he had left behind.

Now that the rope was off, he didn’t have any time to waste. He Yu would notice if he suddenly decided to come down to the basement— he had to do this now.

Getting to his feet, Xie Qingcheng walks over to the door, taking normal strides for the first time in forever, so long that it almost feels alien. He steps up the stairs.

He had planned this. Every day he’s been stuck in this basement, he’s thought of and refined how he would escape. There weren’t too many options and it would be crude, simple, but that didn’t matter. All that mattered was effectiveness.

Surprise was always the best element to have in an altercation.

Xie Qingcheng waits directly behind the door so that when it opened, he would be hidden behind it. Though he was normally able to reign in his emotions and think rationally even in the most trying of times, now, it’s as if his heart is trying to beat out of his chest. He nearly starts trembling in anticipation and anxiety before he forces himself to calm down, standing completely still and barely even letting himself breathe. 

He had to escape. He had to get out of this basement. He had to get out. 

It’s the thing that repeats in his mind, over and over and over again as he stands there and waits. He Yu was smart– if this scheme to escape failed and Xie Qingcheng was kept in this damned place, he could expect it to become even more difficult to find a way out, if not impossible. He had to do this right. He couldn’t mess up. If he failed, then… 

He shudders as he thinks of it, beginning to feel a little sick at even just the thought. Never in his life had he ever thought things could end up like this, where he was kept in the basement of a boy fourteen years his junior, stuck as some sort of sex slave. 

Xie Qingcheng had never really cared that much about his own body and self. He was the protector– he was the one who made sure the people around him were doing okay and faring well. His own state didn’t matter. As long as he was still able to function properly and took basic enough care of himself so he could keep living to take care of those around him, it didn’t matter what happened to him. 

With this way of thinking and of thinking of himself as less, it had made the mental burden of this a little easier. It didn’t matter, is what he’d tell himself. At least He Yu wasn’t doing such awful things to someone else, hadn’t taken another victim. If Xie Qingcheng had to be a sacrifice for that to happen, then at least his life still had some sort of purpose.

That’s what he told himself. That’s what he tried to convince himself of. Such a way of thinking doesn’t help with the pain and discomfort though, doesn’t get rid of the awful feeling of violation that would cling to him for days afterward. It didn’t do much to help the mental burden. Even if his body could take it, he really couldn’t… 

How had this even happened? Even if it was true He Yu was mentally ill and a violent murderer, he had never been a rapist. Xie Qingcheng was nearly forty years old, once divorced, and had even previously been He Yu’s doctor to boot. What type of man would see him and think to do such terrible things? 

Xie Qingcheng has suffered through a lot of things in his life, but this was just one thing he truly could not stand. Maybe it wasn’t as physically painful as other things, but that didn’t matter. He didn’t know how much longer his mind could stand it. 

Really, what had he been reduced to here? What had his life become? 

Realizing his eyes had slightly glazed over, Xie Qingcheng comes back to himself and goes on alert when he hears the muffled sound of a door opening from somewhere above him. He Yu must have returned. 

If his heart had been beating powerfully before, then now, it beats so furiously he almost has the irrational fear of it being heard. His breathing almost completely stops as he goes very still, the consequences of failing flashing through his mind. 

He couldn’t fail this. He would rather die than continue the life he’s been forced to live here. 

The plan was a rather simple one: Take He Yu off guard when he opened the door, use the element of surprise to shove him down the stairs, and lock the door behind him so he was effectively trapped in the basement while Xie Qingcheng made his escape. 

The most important part was grabbing the basement key from He Yu. The door of the basement was no normal door, likely as a result of the fact that He Yu’s murders often took place within the basement. No, it appeared to have been custom made so that it locked from both sides, only opening with a key. In this way, the contents of what was in the basement were completely secure. 

Xie Qingcheng hadn’t noticed at first, but hidden under He Yu’s shirt was a necklace with a key at the very end. He had clearly seen it the first time He Yu had completely undressed, and it was the most important part of this plan. If Xie Qingcheng didn’t get the key, He Yu wouldn’t be locked in the basement and would be able to immediately come after Xie Qingcheng. Xie Qingcheng had to be able to take it from him. 

There’s faint footsteps overhead, gradually growing louder before they stop right before the door. On the other side of it, Xie Qingcheng can hear as He Yu begins unlocking it, and his hands curl into fists. 

The door opens. 

Xie Qingcheng bursts out. 

There’s a flurry of movement as he grabs He Yu by the neck. He Yu’s eyes widen as he stares at him with a choked noise. 

For a moment, their eyes meet. 

Xie Qingcheng breaks eye contact as he squeezes the soft skin under his fingers, yanking the necklace around He Yu’s neck as hard as he can in an attempt to snap it off and violently shoving him down the stairs. 

Loud thumps ring out as He Yu falls, and Xie Qingcheng wastes no time once he sees he’d succeeded in ripping the necklace with the key off. Though he had forced his breathing to be calm and silent while he’d been waiting, now, all of that goes out the window as he stumbles up the stairs and runs through the basement door, slamming it behind himself. His fingers tremble when he hears the telltale click of the lock. 

By now, He Yu must have recovered from his shock because he starts pounding on the door, yelling something at him, but Xie Qingcheng isn’t listening. 

His heart pounds in his chest, breaths coming fast and shaky as he stumbles and sprints down the hallway all the way to the front door. By now he can hardly even think of anything at all, the only thought in his mind is to just get out. His fingers shake even more badly as he unlocks the door and throws it open. 

For the first time in a long time, he feels the warmth of the sun on his skin, as well as a faint breeze. It’s the time of day right before sunset where the world is painted in gold, and Xie Qingcheng can only stare at the sky for a moment, his body shining with sweat, his chest rapidly rising and falling. 

He breathes in the fresh air, and his chest is filled with something indiscernible. 

He takes a shaky step out the door, hardly believing he had truly passed through it. His small steps are brief before he breaks into a full sprint, jumping down the porch and running through the lawn, towards the street. He doesn’t recognize the area but that didn’t matter, he was out, as long as he kept running he’d be able to–

Pain. 

Before Xie Qingcheng realizes what’s happening, he’s slammed into the ground, feeling as if he’d just been hit with the full force of a train. His muscles violently spasm. He can’t move, he can’t breathe, and he hacks and coughs as an unbearable searing heat shoots through him. It feels like he’s dying. 

The pain is so unbearable his body instinctively wants to cry out, but no noise escapes his lips. He can only lay there on the concrete, violently convulsing and spasming, in so much pain he can’t even scream. 

A light breeze flutters against his skin and ruffles his hair, the warmth of the sun caressing his skin as he can only lay there, aggressively shaking as he stares out at the freedom that was so close, if only he could just get up, if only he could just move, he– 

Xie Qingcheng desperately tries to grit through the pain and push himself up, but he really can’t move. His body doesn’t stop convulsing and shaking. He wants to yell for help because surely there must be someone around that could help him, his pride be damned, but no sound escapes him aside from a pitiful, wailing cry. He hardly even recognizes it as his own voice. 

He doesn’t know how long he spends laying there, convulsing and feeling as if he were being burned alive from the inside. Eventually though, he hears footsteps on the porch, then on the concrete path to the street as they begin to walk towards him, and his heart drops to his stomach. 

The fear he feels in that moment is indescribable. His eyes widen, and he frantically tries to get up, because he couldn’t go back there, he had been so close– how had He Yu gotten out? Xie Qingcheng had already taken his key, so how—

No. 

“What’s wrong, Doctor Xie? Don’t you want to leave? Why are you just laying there?” 

No! 

His vision is filled with the face of a young man as He Yu leans over him. His clothes are in disarray and his hair is roughed up, a crazed look in his eyes as he stares down at Xie Qingcheng. 

Xie Qingcheng can’t breathe, an all-encompassing sense of terror filling every inch of him. He desperately tries to reach his arms out to try and crawl away but they barely twitch, and he can only frantically look ahead of him, at the escape, the freedom, that had been so close to his grasp. 

“You know, that really hurt when you threw me down the stairs. You have more strength left than I thought.” Though He Yu speaks calmly, his movements are violent as he grabs Xie Qingcheng by the hair and yanks his head up to look at him. “How did you get out of your restraints?” 

Even if Xie Qingcheng had wanted to answer he couldn't, weakly sputtering as pitiful choked noises gargle from his throat. He Yu stares at him for a moment before narrowing his eyes. 

He tightens his grip on his hair and throws Xie Qingcheng closer to the house. Xie Qingcheng’s shoulder smacks into the concrete path, the explosion of pain jelling with the already all-encompassing pain he feels, making black spot his vision. 

“I’ve never seen you at such a loss for words, Xie Qingcheng. What’s wrong? Feeling shy now?” He Yu humorlessly asks, rearing his leg back to slam his foot into Xie Qingcheng’s ribs. Xie Qingcheng can only cry out a gasp as his hair is roughly grabbed again, feeling as if it were being ripped from his scalp by the root with how roughly He Yu yanks it. 

“I have to admit, you really surprised me. I guess I should have expected you’d do something like that.” He Yu glances out at where the end of the front yard is, the street. His lips are twisted into a smile but there’s a dark, almost inhuman look on his face. “Look at that. You almost really escaped.”

He must have done something to me. That’s why I can’t fucking move. He knew I’d try to escape, Xie Qingcheng thinks. For that, he curses himself for not thinking that He Yu could have done something like this. He still isn’t completely sure what exactly it was that he’d done, but–

His head explodes in pain, colors dancing his vision as his head is slammed down into the ground so hard he sees stars. Warmth begins to pool under his skull. 

“Not answering, huh?” 

Xie Qingcheng can’t answer. He can barely keep himself conscious, his ears ringing, his vision flickering. Everything hurts so much he can’t even figure out where the pain is coming from. He Yu’s voice in his ears sounds far away. 

“...That’s fine.” 

Though that’s what he says, as if he had pent up anger waiting to be released, he begins to violently beat Xie Qingcheng. As kicks are slammed into him and as his face is stomped and kicked, there’s no reason, no order, as if he had truly lost his mind. 

The earlier all-encompassing pain causing his body to convulse and shake had just slightly started to wane, and Xie Qingcheng is finally able to move a little. He weakly raises his arms in an attempt to cover his head, vision blurry from how blood had run into his eyes. In the end, he can do nothing but lay there and take each and every kick. 

After a while, He Yu seems to calm down a little. He stands there for a moment, staring down at Xie Qingcheng’s trembling and battered body. The moment lasts for an almost uncomfortably long time in which Xie Qingcheng can only lay there and mentally prepare himself for the next blow. 

“It seems like you need to be taught a lesson, Xie Qingcheng,” He Yu eventually mutters under his breath, taking Xie Qingcheng by the hair again and slamming his head down. The pool of blood under him grows bigger as He Yu keeps his head shoved into the concrete and climbs over him, beginning to yank down his pants. “This is your punishment.” 

Fear flashes through Xie Qingcheng. Despite this happening more times than he could count by this point, despite having just been beaten half to death, he suddenly feels so afraid he can barely breathe. Bile builds in his mouth. 

No.

“How many times do I have to tell you? You’re mine.”

He Yu yanks his pants down his thighs, and Xie Qingcheng goes even more panicked as he feels cool air brush against his ass. 

I don’t want to. 

He tries to thrash, tries to crawl away, but the distance he can just barely cover is immediately reversed when He Yu grabs him by the waist and yanks him back.

“You’re not allowed to leave me again.”

Don’t… 

He Yu positions himself on top of him, crushing him, and Xie Qingcheng can clearly feel the thing he’d been dreading, hot and hard, against his hole. There’s no lube, no preparation as it violently begins to press its way in. 

His mouth drops open, his entire body exploding in agony. Every part of his body screams at him to get away, to get it out, and it’s so disgusting and painful he can barely stand it, but he can’t escape. He’s pinned in place, held there as he begins to roughly be pounded into without a care for his pain. 

Xie Qingcheng knows he'd torn, can feel it with each agonizing thrust. While he’d been thrashing to get away at first, at some point he goes limp, laying there and letting himself be fucked when he can’t find the strength to move anymore. His cheek is pressed against the cool ground beneath him, the friction of it being rubbed back and forth hurting. His eyes are glazed over as he stares out at the road in front of him, at the neighborhood and trees and sky painted in gold as the sun began to set. 

His vision blurs with tears. 

It’s completely silent aside from the sound of skin slapping against skin. He Yu doesn’t make any noise and Xie Qingcheng doesn’t either as he’s thusted into so violently it feels as if he’s being ripped apart, beginning to quietly sob when he truly can’t bear it any longer.

By the time it’s over, there’s wetness on his face. He can’t tell if it’s blood or tears. He can only lay there as He Yu cums inside of him and pulls out, feeling like a shell of himself, barely conscious. Can only lay there as He Yu carries him back to the house, taking one last look at the sight of the setting sun before the door of his prison closes, and he’s right back where he began.

Chapter Text

Afterwards, He Yu’s mind seems to clear up a little. Xie Qingcheng doesn’t say anything as He Yu strips him and treats his injuries, dragging him to the shower to scrub him down from the bloodied mess he is before bandaging the more egregious wounds up. For the bruises, he puts a cream on them, almost overwhelming in its mint smell.

Just like Xie Qingcheng, He Yu doesn’t say anything. A dark look is on his face as he takes care of Xie Qingcheng’s injuries. The only time his expression changes is when he pushes open Xie Qingcheng’s legs to inspect the damage.

He stares for a long time, his expression unreadable. Then, he expressionlessly says, “You need stitches.”

Xie Qingcheng continues not to speak, staring up at the ceiling with empty eyes. Normally, having his legs held open like this would be humiliating, would feel despicable, but in that moment, he really can’t bring himself to feel anything at all. It’s as if he’d gone to third person and was spectating his own body.

For a while, he’s alone as He Yu gets what he needs to do stitches. In that time, he continues staring up at the ceiling. His cheeks feel tight with the tears that have dried.

He had failed.

It’s the only thing that goes through his mind, looping throughout it over and over again. The fact settles into the very marrow of his bones. 

He had failed. If he had some hope of escaping before, then now, there was really no chance. For the rest of his life, he would be kept here and used like he was some kind of breathing fleshlight.

His lips tremble.

It doesn’t take long for He Yu to come back. It seemed he’d already had the necessary materials for stitches and the bulk of his time gone was spent disinfecting everything before use. 

He pushes Xie Qingcheng’s legs open again, grabbing him by his bruised and purple ankles, the skin having been rubbed raw. Xie Qingcheng flinches.

“If you don’t want me to hold them, keep your legs open,” He Yu quietly says. 

Xie Qingcheng turns his head away and lets his legs fall apart. He Yu hesitates for a moment before letting go of his ankles, leaning closer. There’s fumbling sounds before Xie Qingcheng feels a sharp pain shoot through him.

It hurts. It isn’t any more painful than other things He Yu has done to him though, isn’t as painful as some of the things Xie Qingcheng has experienced in his life. With how much pain his entire body is in, it hardly makes a difference. He only tenses his jaw and closes his eyes, his legs trembling as his nails dig into his palms. 

It doesn’t take long for He Yu to finish. He smears something on the stitches when he’s done and tugs Xie Qingcheng’s pants and underwear up.

Xie Qingcheng doesn’t want to look at him. When He Yu notices he isn’t looking though, he moves to stand in his line of sight. His brows just barely twitch, knuckles white from how harshly he curls them into fists.

Though he wants to turn away, he knows that if he does, He Yu will just grab him and force him to look anyway. He looks up at him with exhausted, half-lidded eyes.

This was his life now. 

He Yu looks as if he wants to say something. After a long time of staring at Xie Qingcheng though, he turns away.

Eventually, he quietly says, “This wouldn’t have happened if you had just stayed here.” 

When Xie Qingcheng doesn’t say anything, He Yu suddenly turns back around to look at him, his eyes overflowing with emotion. “Did you hear me? I said, this wouldn’t have happened if you didn’t try to escape!” 

Not trying to escape meant accepting he would live the rest of his life like this. He hated it. He despised what his life had been reduced to, hated having to live like this. He really, truly, would rather be dead. It would have been better if He Yu had just beaten him to death, but of course, he hadn’t done that. He had stopped before it got too serious and treated his injuries so he could keep him as a sex toy. He’d be no use anymore if he was completely broken. 

“Xie Qingcheng! Say something!” He Yu yells. 

Xie Qingcheng stares at him for a long time, his vision blurry. Somehow, it seems exhausting to even just keep his eyes open. 

He just wants to close his eyes and never wake up again. 

“...Why won’t you just kill me?” he whispers, his throat raw.

He Yu’s fists clench even tighter, trembling. He opens his mouth and closes it, grabbing at his hair and letting out a long breath. Though he looks as if he might lash out, in the end, he storms out of the room and slams the door behind him. 

***

He Yu doesn’t tie his ankles back up. In fact, he had gone as far as cutting the rope that had been tied around his wrists. The skin there is in just as awful a state as the skin of his ankles, if not worse. In the end, both his wrists and ankles are thoroughly cleaned and wrapped tightly in gauze. There are so many injuries on his body and so much bandages used it looks as if he had half-assed a mummy costume and had stopped midway without finishing it enough to be coherent.  

The removal of his bonds solidifies to Xie Qingcheng that He Yu must have done something to him. There was no other explanation for why he seemed so confident he wouldn’t be able to escape to the point that he allowed him to freely use his arms and legs

It isn’t difficult to come up with what he must have done. On the day he had escaped, Xie Qingcheng had been slammed to the ground by an excruciating pain that had shot through him, as if every muscle in his body was being shocked by little spikes of concentrated lightning. When he picks through his memory, he realizes he had only felt that horrible pain right when he was about to step off the property and onto the sidewalk. 

The moment he realizes it, he feels himself being filled with a feeling of absolute hopelessness. That pain must have been an electrical shock. Like a dog, he would be shocked to the point of being rendered unable to move, his entire body violently convulsing, if he stepped out of bounds. 

And yet, unlike a dog, he didn’t have a collar. He had already checked to make sure there was nothing on any of his clothes, either. The only option left was that somewhere in his body, something had been implanted to shock him if he ever tried to run away. 

When would He Yu have done that, though? Surely Xie Qingcheng would have noticed. It was true that He Yu could have slipped something into his food and water to knock him out. That would have been hard to notice with how often Xie Qingcheng felt exhausted anyway, but after the fact, anything implanted into him would surely have left residual pain. 

When he thinks about it a little longer though, that idea becomes obsolete. Because when was his body not in pain? There was never a time when he wasn’t in some sort of pain, wasn’t uncomfortably aching. It wouldn’t be impossible to think he hadn’t noticed the pain of an incision under all the other pain that was constantly radiating through his body. Even if he never noticed the pain though, it certainly would have left some sort of mark… 

Thinking this, Xie Qingcheng makes sure to pick a time when He Yu is the least likely to visit him before undressing of all his clothes, inspecting every inch of skin he can find, a certain unease settling in his gut from the thought of something being placed into his body without him even knowing. No matter how hard he looks though, all he sees is how pale and unsightly he’d gotten, bruises and wounds littering his body, the more egregious wounds tightly bound in bandages. Some already needed to be changed, just barely tinted crimson from the blood that seeps into them. 

He comes to the conclusion that whatever was implanted into him must have been placed somewhere he wouldn’t be able to see, and so he begins running his hands over his back to try and feel anything out of the ordinary, some little bump where the device must be under his skin. Even then though, he can’t find anything. 

The only thing he can think of is that either He Yu had implanted it long enough ago to where there was no trace of its insertion left, or that there was a trace of it but it was in a place he wouldn’t be able to see or easily reach– the upper middle of his back. It would make sense for the device to be somewhere along his spine– he really hadn’t been able to move while it was in effect. Even now, days later, his muscles hadn’t completely recovered. They twitched and convulsed every so often, as well as brought on excruciating muscle cramps that he could only suffer through and wait to end. 

The electrocution really had been strong. Even just from experiencing it once, he knew if he were to get shocked two, maybe even one more time, he would die. Human bodies weren’t meant to withstand such powerful shocks. It had really felt as if it were frying him from the inside, as if everything under his skin was being seared and cooked, practically sizzling, his bones vibrating against flesh. 

Xie Qingcheng gazes at the walls of the basement. They were so much more dreary than the brilliant golden sky he had seen on the day he had almost escaped from this hell. 

He Yu had taken his pillow and blanket and swapped them out for new ones of a little higher quality, effectively getting rid of the piece of wood he had used to saw at his bindings. He had also replaced the wooden chair with a metal one, making it impossible to break like last time. Just as Xie Qingcheng had thought, he was being more careful after he’d almost escaped. 

A humorless sound resembling a laugh crawls up his throat. What was the point in even taking safety measures like this? What was the point, when even if Xie Qingcheng could get outside, he’d just be shocked so violently he wouldn’t even be able to move? He was fully stuck here now. 

Really, he would rather die. 

He thinks back to the intensity of the shock, to how dangerous it would be for it to happen any more times. After his near escape, He Yu had even taken the cleaning products out of the bathroom and hidden them away somewhere, effectively preventing Xie Qingcheng from using them for anything. If he was able to get outside again though, then maybe he’d be able to end this sickening existence by getting shocked again. At least then, he would be free, and He Yu wouldn’t have anyone to entertain himself with anymore. 

It’s what Xie Qingcheng thinks, before something uncomfortable curls around his heart. 

No, he couldn’t do that. 

For as long as he’d been imprisoned, He Yu hadn't taken any more victims. It was the longest break between his crimes so far. It seemed like, for some reason, being able to fuck Xie Qingcheng and beat him when he was angry placated him and raised his mood, taking care of his bloodthirsty thoughts well enough that he didn’t feel the need to take other victims to satiate his bloodlust. 

If Xie Qingcheng were to die, and He Yu didn’t have anyone to distract himself with anymore… What would happen? Would more innocent people have to lose their lives in such brutal ways? Would they have to have their lives cut short, their last moments spent afraid and in pain, their families left behind? 

Xie Qingcheng was someone who put others before himself. Since the day his parents had died, since he was thirteen years old, he had not once lived for himself.

For the good of everyone else, he would bear a shared burden entirely on his own back until it gave out, and even then, he would simply put on a brace and keep holding on. To him, the main purpose of life was not to live for himself, but rather, to act as a protector, a helper. It wasn't as if he had a very long lifespan in the first place. His health was poor, his body damaged. In only a few years, he would meet his end. 

He had wanted to escape to get away from this wretched situation, but also, to get He Yu locked up, put behind bars, so that he could never hurt anyone again. He had wanted to escape so he could get back to Xie Xue and make sure she was navigating life okay, wanted to check up on Chen Man and Auntie Li. If he had no chance of escape though, and if he was forced to stay here… if he was here, then maybe… 

He feels sick. He doesn’t want to stay in a place like this for the rest of his life. Not when every day felt like he was having his spirit drained from him, leaving him a thoughtless husk of who he once was. 

At the same time, he doesn’t want anyone else to lose their lives at the hands of He Yu. If he could help it, if he could stop that from happening, then… 

Xie Qingcheng lowers his head into his hands. 

He doesn’t know what to do. He didn’t even know if he’d have a chance to get back outside and shock himself again, let alone to death. If he did, though… if he ever got that chance, what was he supposed to do? How was he supposed to just die when he knew that could lead to more people losing their lives? 

***

One day, He Yu tells him to come out of the basement. 

“I’m hungry. I know you know how to cook– make me something,” he says, holding the door open. 

Xie Qingcheng looks up. Never before has He Yu asked for something like this or even really let him out of the basement for anything other than using the bathroom or showering, but it made sense. He really had torn badly last time, to the point of needing stitches. While He Yu usually only fucked him and nothing else, he couldn’t unless he wanted to tear the stitches open, and so he’d left Xie Qingcheng alone while he was healing. He must have gotten bored and wanted him to do something else. 

While Xie Qingcheng doesn't particularly want to make anything for He Yu and would rather have him waste away eating shit fast food, it’s not like he has a choice. Besides, anything was better than staying in a damn basement all the time. 

Slowly, he pushes himself to his feet and walks up the stairs, following He Yu as he leads him to the kitchen. When he thinks about it, it makes sense that He Yu would start asking for things like this. The fucker already made ridiculous comments about him being his wife, and if he wanted to treat Xie Qingcheng like one, Xie Qingcheng would be forced to go along with whatever he wanted him to do. 

The fact that he’d gone as far as planting a fucking shock device into his body was even more telling that he’d been planning to pull shit like this for a while. If he were just going to keep Xie Qingcheng in the basement, there wasn’t as much of a need to go so far. If he ever wanted him to do things around the house though, then something like this was the perfect way of ensuring he wouldn’t be able to escape while also being able to answer to He Yu’s every beck and call. 

Never before has Xie Qingcheng been in the kitchen, and he looks around. It’s spotless, though just as with the rest of the house, it seems a little older. Rather than the granite countertop that so many modern houses had, looking around, everything is predominantly wooden. A large window facing the front yard filters in light, naturally illuminating the area. Nearby, a familiar-looking table sits in the dining room, surrounded by just as strangely familiar-looking chairs. 

And then he realizes why everything seems so familiar– this kitchen had a striking resemblance to his own in Moyu Alley.

He looks around for a little longer, cold sweat building on his skin the more he sees that resembles his own kitchen back at home. He swallows down how unsettling being in the room is as he asks,  “...What do you want me to make?” 

He Yu, for some reason, seems to be in a good mood. “Whatever. Just make something with the ingredients I have.” 

Xie Qingcheng sighs and walks over to the fridge, glancing at its contents before moving to flip open the cupboards. Looking through everything, it’s clear the Young Master He never really cooked for himself and either got take out or just didn’t eat. There isn’t much to work with, and he glances at He Yu for an explanation. 

He Yu only gives him a smile. It’s unsettling, and Xie Qingcheng immediately turns away. “...Would fried rice be fine?” 

“I don’t want fried rice. Make something else.” 

Wasn’t he the one who said anything was fine? Why was he suddenly being so picky now? 

Irritated, Xie Qingcheng looks over his options again. “What about green onion pancakes?” 

He Yu crosses his arms, making a face as if he’s deep in thought, a quiet “hm” noise leaving him. Eventually, he shakes his head again, his smile growing wider. “I don’t really feel like eating that, either.” 

“Well what the hell do you want? You were the one who said you were fine with whatever,” Xie Qingcheng snaps. 

“Calm down, Ge.” He Yu brings his hand to his chin, feigning thought. “Alright, alright, I’ve thought it over a bit more and I changed my mind. Fried rice is fine.” 

Xie Qingcheng stares him down. It doesn’t seem as if he’s about to go and change his mind again though, and so he pulls out all the ingredients he’ll need. As he pours the rice he needs into a bowl and begins washing it though, he can feel He Yu’s eyes pinned on him. 

The sensation of being watched is uncomfortable. He chooses to fully ignore He Yu and just focus on what he’s doing, finding it refreshing to have something to actually do, a task to accomplish. When was the last time he had been able to do something like this? 

In the beginning, he had taught himself how to cook out of necessity. After their parents died, he couldn’t just have Xie Xue eating crap all day every day. Even if she liked food like that, it wasn’t good for her, and so he had made it a goal to teach himself how to cook. In the beginning it had been difficult, but over time, he had gotten the hang of it. It was a task that really wasn’t all that difficult if you knew how to follow directions and picked a good recipe. 

Though he wasn’t one of those people who absolutely loved to cook, it’s not as if it was something he disliked, either, especially since he was usually cooking with the purpose of feeding someone. Right now, it was for He Yu, though he tries to ignore that part and focus on the actual cooking.

As he does so, he makes a point not to ask where anything is as an excuse to look through every drawer and cupboard possible. If utensils were usually kept in the same general drawers throughout different households, then he checks the places least likely to have them. The same thing goes for plates, pans, and bowls. 

What he finds is ridiculous. The forks and spoons are all plastic, and when he gets to the knives, he discovers they’re children’s knives, brightly-colored and exceedingly difficult to cut anything with. They were almost identical to the knives he’d used back when he’d try to teach Xie Xue to cook when she’d been little. 

It’s so ridiculous he finds himself scoffing, holding one up to He Yu. “How am I supposed to cut anything with this toy?” 

He Yu only glances at it and shrugs. “It’s not like it isn’t functional. I’m sure you can make it work.” 

It was a pain in the ass to use these things, but he can’t say he’s particularly surprised. It would be idiotic to give a fully unrestrained hostage access to weapons. 

It’s quiet as Xie Qingcheng works. Normally he preferred making fried rice with leftovers but that wasn’t an option now, and so he puts the freshly-washed rice into the rice cooker and begins slicing up the green onions once he’s done washing them. He does so slowly– in part because children’s knives were especially difficult to cut things with, but also, because being out of the basement and doing something productive makes him feel like he’s more than just a slab of meat to fuck. At least with this, he could use his hands and actually think.

For the first time in a long time, he feels like a person.

By the time he’s prepared the rest of the ingredients, all that’s left is to wait for the rice to finish cooking, and he stiffly stands there, staring out the window. 

In truth, though he had been hiding it, his entire body radiated with pain. It was exceedingly uncomfortable to stand up like this for so long, but he doesn’t want to sit down and act like he couldn’t handle the injuries He Yu had inflicted on him. 

Though his face stays carefully neutral as he looks outside, his body screams at him in discomfort and pain. He ignores the screaming and straightens his back even more, his lips pulled into a thin line. 

He fights the urge to flinch when hands wrap around his waist. He Yu rests his head on his shoulder. “What are you looking at, Ge?” 

I’m looking outside and imagining what my life could be like if I wasn’t stuck in this fucking house making fried rice for a murderous rapist. 

In the end, he only says, “Don’t you have eyes? Look yourself if you want to know so badly.” 

“But that’s why I asked. There’s nothing interesting outside.” He Yu lifts his head a little to look back out the window. “It’s just a street.”

Xie Qingcheng is silent. It’s just a normal street, and yet he would give up half his soul to be able to freely go on that street. The houses are scarce and there aren’t any cars or signs of life, the wildlife and trees overgrown, the road crudely paved. It was clear they were in the middle of nowhere and that at least in the immediate vicinity, there wasn’t anyone around, but he had expected that when He Yu had pushed him down in the front yard and fucked him without a care for if anyone could see. Even knowing this, though, even knowing that even if he got out he’d likely have nowhere to go, he can’t help but imagine how nice it would be to even just have a chance of walking down the street. 

When Xie Qingcheng still doesn’t reply, gazing out at the freedom he had been so close to reaching, He Yu frowns. His voice has the slightest warning in it. “If you’re thinking about escaping, don’t. You’re not allowed to leave this place. I won’t let you.” 

“Yeah, I’ve fucking noticed,” Xie Qingcheng bites out, trying to move away from his grip when the discomfort of the position grows too much to bear. 

He Yu just pulls him closer, moving to rest his chin back on his shoulder. “...You should eat more. You just feel like bones, it isn’t comfortable at all.” 

And whose fault was that? He’d had a decent amount of muscle before he’d been locked away here. The damn gall to tell him he should eat more. “If it isn’t comfortable, get off.” 

“I don’t want to.”

“If you’re not going to move then shut the hell up.”

He Yu’s voice goes quieter. “...Really, the way you talk is so vulgar. I know you know how to be nicer.”

“And why the fuck should I be nice to you?”

He Yu doesn’t reply. He continues hugging him, and Xie Qingcheng can only stand there, distantly looking out the window. A hollowness throbs somewhere deep in his chest. 

The warmth of He Yu’s chest pressed to his back feels searing. He really is too close. At some point he even lowers his hands, moving them to hold Xie Qingcheng’s hips, and Xie Qingcheng finds himself going very still. Despite himself, he feels afraid. 

The last time He Yu had fucked him, he had torn him so badly he’d needed stitches. Even now, he was still healing. If he were to do that now, the stitches would tear, and he… 

Feeling how stiff he is, He Yu lets out a breath that tickles the skin on the back of his ear and makes him shudder. “Don’t be so scared, Xie Qingcheng. I won’t do anything right now. The stitches won’t dissolve for another week.” 

So after they dissolved and after this week was over, he would push him down and do it all over again? 

How long would it take for the damn rice to finish cooking? He glances at the rice cooker, impatient to have an excuse for He Yu to let him go and stop grabbing onto him. As he looks at it though, it feels like time might as well be ticking backwards, and anxiety curls through his gut. He Yu said he wouldn’t do anything, but what reason did he have to trust him? Why would he care if his stitches tore and he wasn’t able to heal properly? It would probably feel the same to him either way. 

It’s uncomfortable as they stand there. Xie Qingcheng tries his very hardest to completely ignore He Yu, his gaze alternating between staring out the window and anxiously looking at the timer on the rice cooker. 

Suddenly, He Yu says, “It isn’t that bad here, you’ll see. After a while you won’t even want to run away anymore.” His voice goes quiet. “Okay? So you don’t have to keep staring outside with that look on your face.” 

Had something in his expression slipped up without him noticing? Xie Qingcheng’s eyes harden, his expression melding into something ugly.

What was He Yu even talking about? Did he mean untying him and letting him out of the basement for once to cook something? Wasn’t that just because he’d gotten bored from not being able to fuck him? Even if it wasn’t, even if being able to have some things he could do was better than just rotting away in a basement, it didn’t change that He Yu would still fuck him, would still touch him like this even when throughout it Xie Qingcheng felt like he wanted to throw up. 

“If that’s what you want to think to make yourself feel better, keep being delusional,” Xie Qingcheng bitterly replies. “Letting me out of the basement doesn’t change the fact that you’re a complete piece of shit and that I feel disgusted by even just seeing your face.” 

He Yu’s eyes flash, and yet he doesn’t lash out. In an urging voice, he only repeats, “You’ll see.” 

It almost sounds as if he genuinely thinks anything he could do now could make Xie Qingcheng actually enjoy being here, his delusions reaching the stars. By this point, even if he suddenly switched up and let go of his shitty ways, saving hundreds of people and becoming god-damn batman, Xie Qingcheng still wouldn’t give a shit about him or want to stay here. 

Why was he even doing this, letting him walk around freely and cook things? Was it really because he wanted to act out his repulsive wife fetish or whatever it was he thought of Xie Qingcheng? But even then, it didn’t make sense. Xie Qingcheng had seen the way he’d reacted once he’d discovered that video of him, had personally experienced and taken the brunt of his anger and hurt. It was what had started this awful cycle of being fucked in the first place. Was He Yu really just doing this because he hated him and wanted to humiliate him? 

But then, why did it almost seem as if he was trying to make his quality of life better? Why was he suddenly letting him do things like this? Had he gotten spooked when Xie Qingcheng had  almost escaped? Or was it really just that he was bored because he couldn’t fuck him right now? There really didn’t seem to be any reasonable explanation for why he seemed to so desperately want to keep Xie Qingcheng locked away. Some weird attachment he had from being his old patient, maybe. Or maybe it was that he was so isolated from the rest of society, from the rest of the world, so lonely, that even just this made him feel as if he was having a genuine relationship with another person. 

Xie Qingcheng doesn’t care about whatever pitiful reason He Yu might have for wanting to keep Xie Qingcheng locked away with him. He just wants to be let go. 

He just wants to go home. 

The silence reaches a point where it’s truly too uncomfortable to bear, He Yu mouthing at the skin on the nape of his neck, when the rice cooker beeps. Xie Qingcheng immediately uses the opportunity to struggle against He Yu’s arms, trying to pull away. “The rice is done, let me go.” 

Though He Yu continues kissing and lapping at the back of his neck for a few more moments, he eventually, finally, lets him go. Xie Qingcheng stumbles away, scrubbing at his neck in disgust as he walks to the rice cooker and begins taking the rice out. 

The pain throughout his body really is uncomfortable, especially after standing for so long. It becomes harder to ignore, and he can’t help the way his brows just barely furrow from the strain. Nevertheless, he finishes cooking the meal, even as He Yu hovers around him, gets in the way, and even gives him ridiculous tips as if he knew anything at all about cooking and wasn’t just pulling things out of his ass to make it look like he knew what he was talking about. 

By the time Xie Qingcheng is done, sweat lines his brow, his legs just barely trembling despite trying his best to keep them firm and steady. 

He Yu sits down with his bowl, breathing in the smell with satisfaction. Xie Qingcheng stands by the stove and silently watches. 

With how prone He Yu was to randomly flipping a switch and changing moods, going from seemingly content to beating the shit out of him to pushing him down and fucking him, dealing with him felt like dealing with a wild, unpredictable beast. Xie Qingcheng really is in a lot of pain and doesn’t feel like getting any more injuries on top of the ones he already has, not when he knew it would just add to his constant discomfort. He doesn’t know if he should keep standing where he is or if he should go over to the table and sit with He Yu. 

When He Yu sees him just standing there, he smirks. “What are you doing just standing over there, Ge? Aren’t you hungry? Come here and eat.” 

Xie Qingcheng eyes the table. It’s not very big, with four chairs situated around it. Silently, he gets a bowl for himself and chooses the chair the furthest away from He Yu, not looking at him. 

Sitting is a difficult endeavor. He doesn’t want to look weak in front of He Yu, but it was also true that even just the act of lowering himself down was incredibly painful and uncomfortable. He frowns in shame and anger, wanting to sit in a position that would put less weight on… there, but deciding that would be too humiliating. In the end, he forces himself to sit down as normal, his jaw tense as a bead of sweat rolls down his brow.

When he looks up, he sees that He Yu is staring at him with possessive, almost haughty eyes, and Xie Qingcheng glares so forcefully it hurts his eyes. Picks at his food. 

He Yu hadn’t eaten anything while Xie Qingcheng had just been standing there, only picking at the rice with his chopsticks and breathing in the smell. Seeing as Xie Qingcheng had finally sat down though, he finally takes a bite. 

“This is pretty good,” he says once he’s swallowed, a rare look of content on his face. “It tastes just like I remember.”

Xie Qingcheng only grunts and doesn’t look at him, continuing to pick at the eggs and pieces of green onions in the rice, his eyes distant. Though his stomach twists and aches from emptiness, he finds that he doesn’t really feel like eating anything. It felt like there was no point in it. 

Seeing that Xie Qingcheng doesn’t touch the food, He Yu frowns, leaning forward and pushing his bowl closer to him. “Didn’t I tell you that you need to eat more? Eat.” 

Xie Qingcheng closes his eyes and lets out a breath. 

If he refused to, He Yu would either force feed him or do worse. The best thing to do was to just shut up and eat the damn food. 

Opening his eyes again, he takes a clump of rice and brings it to his mouth, slowly chewing. All the while, He Yu intently watches him. 

Xie Qingcheng was someone who was confident in his abilities. Cooking was no different, and he knows that this fried rice probably tastes fine, most likely even good. When he eats it though, it feels like he’s chewing on ground-up cardboard. 

Only after he takes a few more bites and swallows does He Yu stop staring at him, going back to eating his own food. 

Xie Qingcheng finds his gaze going back to the window.

The pit of hollowness in his chest feels as if it had become malignant.

Chapter Text

Though Xie Qingcheng had originally thought He Yu randomly letting him out of the basement was something he’d begun doing only because he was bored not being able to fuck him while he was healing, after days pass where he’s consistently let out, it seems He Yu really is serious about changing the dynamic of how Xie Qingcheng is being kept imprisoned.

It starts with cooking. Every day for three meals a day or really just whenever He Yu felt hungry, he would let Xie Qingcheng out and make him cook for him. Though it was irritating to be treated like he was just some personal maid, getting to leave the basement to cook was substantially better than slowly rotting away down there, his brain feeling as if it were suffering just as much atrophy as the rest of his body from how mindless it was to just sit there and not do anything.

It starts with cooking, before beginning to include cleaning. He Yu had made sure to take away all the cleaning supplies with toxic chemicals that could be used as a weapon. Instead, Xie Qingcheng is given warm water and soap with only a scrubby to clean anything that’s a little more difficult to get out. With how much of a germaphobe He Yu was and with how incriminating it would be to leave dna around the house that was pretty much his murder lair there was never much to clean in the first place, but that doesn’t stop him from making Xie Qingcheng scrub everything down. 

He Yu has Xie Qingcheng cook and clean. And, after his injuries heal and his stitches dissolve, he goes back to fucking him. 

It was like Xie Qingcheng really had been turned into a fucking wife.

Whatever. It didn’t matter. There was nothing inherently feminine about men knowing how to cook and clean. They were basic life skills, so who cared if he did them? At least he wasn’t just being assaulted anymore. At least this gave his life a little more meaning than just being reduced to a warm body to fuck when He Yu felt like it. 

For a while things go this way, with Xie Qingcheng silently going along with whatever He Yu asks of him, because what else could he do? Eventually though, He Yu seems to get a little restless.

Xie Qingcheng is in the middle of making boiled cabbage soup for the third time that week when He Yu comes into the kitchen, seemingly thinking about something.

Xie Qingcheng ignores him at first the way he always tried to, simply focusing on the task at hand. He’s in the middle of putting onions he’d sautéed into the pot when He Yu takes a hold of his wrist, tugging at it.

“What do you want? I’m trying to make your damn food, let go,” Xie Qingcheng says.

“Is it almost done?”

How impatient was he? He was already personally having each and every one of his meals cooked for him, wasn’t that enough? “I have to put the rest of the ingredients in and let it simmer for a while.”

“How long will it take?” 

Irritated but more tired than anything, Xie Qingcheng goes to yank his wrist away. When the attempt fails, he finds he doesn’t care enough to try any harder and only lets out a disgruntled breath. “About twenty five minutes, maybe thirty.”

He Yu is silent for a while, running his thumb back and forth over the tattoo on Xie Qingcheng’s wrist. The scars from rope burn still hadn’t gone away there, either. Xie Qingcheng wonders if they ever would. 

 “…I want to watch something with you,” He Yu eventually mumbles.

There wasn’t much that surprised Xie Qingcheng anymore. Even so, he still finds his brows raising. So He Yu even wanted him to do things like that now? Wasn’t just fucking cooking and cleaning enough? “Well I don’t, let go.”

“But Xie Ge, you don’t even know what it is I want to watch. Are you really so old that if it isn’t a daily newspaper you’re not interested?”

What the hell was he even talking about? Though it wouldn’t have been out of the ordinary for He Yu to ask for some other menial task like doing the laundry or wiping the dust from a windowsill, he’s really never asked for something like this before.

Xie Qingcheng can’t understand why he’d decided to switch things up. It was to his understanding that even if He Yu still had some unhealthy fixation on him due to him previously being his doctor, above all else, the feeling he should be feeling towards Xie Qingcheng would mostly be hatred. After he’d discovered that video, he’d made it clear he’d despised him. 

With things like chores and cooking, it made sense He Yu would want someone else to do them. It gave him the opportunity to be lazy and sit on his ass all day without doing any real work, after all. Asking for Xie Qingcheng to watch something with him wouldn’t lead to anything productive though, and even just the implication meant that He Yu didn’t completely despise Xie Qingcheng, didn’t just want him around to use his body for sex or manual labor. In that case, what did he really want from Xie Qingcheng? What was his real reason for imprisoning him there? 

The more Xie Qingcheng thinks about it, the more unsettled he becomes. He discards the repulsive ideas floating through his head before he can think about them too much. 

Chores and cooking were solitude activities, and so Xie Qingcheng didn’t hate doing them. The idea of sitting down on a couch and spending his time watching something with He Yu of all people sounded exponentially worse. He’d rather wade through a knee-deep puddle of horse shit. 

“Why did you suddenly bring this up? What do you even want to watch?” Xie Qingcheng eventually gets out, beginning to feel a familiar feeling of dread curl around his spine. Why couldn’t He Yu just leave him the hell alone? Why make him do this? 

He Yu hesitates. “I haven’t figured that out yet. There must be something good to watch, though.”

So he had come here saying he wanted to watch something without even knowing what he wanted to watch? Every day, during at least some point throughout it, Xie Qingcheng would have the distinct feeling he was dealing with some bratty kid and not an infamous serial killer. 

Seeing the look on Xie Qingcheng’s face, He Yu’s lip curls. “It doesn’t matter, I’m sure it won’t be that hard to find something.” He finally lets go of Xie Qingcheng’s wrist, only to grab him by the waist. “I want to eat while watching. Hurry and finish making dinner.”

Xie Qingcheng tries to pull away. “How am I supposed to finish cooking when you’re hanging onto me like some damn leech?”

“You’re pretty much finished, anyway. The soup just has to simmer now, right? It’s not like I’m in the way of your arms.”

“I have to get something out of the fridge,” Xie Qingcheng tries to use as an excuse. “Let go so I can walk.”

Instead of letting go, He Yu only smiles and holds him even tighter. “If that’s the case, I’ll just walk with you.

Xie Qingcheng closes his eyes.

“What’s wrong, Ge? Weren’t you going to get something out of the fridge?”

…Fucking hell.

In the end, Xie Qingcheng finishes putting the remaining ingredients into the pot and gets its simmering all while He Yu hangs off him as if he were cosplaying as some sort of marsupial baby. Once he sees that Xie Qingcheng is done, he immediately drags him over to the couch and makes him sit down. 

It’s half a relief, half woeful as Xie Qingcheng sits on the couch in the dim room, He Yu immediately sitting too close for comfort next to him. On one hand, these days he always felt so tired and exhausted and sore that it was relieving to be able to just sit down, but on the other hand, he was sitting with He Yu. Not only was he just sitting with He Yu, he was also apparently about to be forced to watch something with him.

As Xie Qingcheng silently sits there with drooping eyes, he unseeingly stares at the screen as he thinks back to the last time he’d really watched something. It had been a while. Even before being imprisoned he wasn’t the type of person to spend his time watching TV, viewing it as a mindless waste of time. He preferred to read books or do something else productive most of the time. 

The only occasions where he’d really watched TV were when Xie Xue was younger. Especially in her teen years, she would drag him away from whatever he was doing if he wasn’t too busy and beg him to watch some drama or other with her. In the end, he would be left watching some questionably-sweet love story as Xie Xue laughed and yelled at the characters, gushing about them to him when an episode ended. 

He never understood why she liked shows like that. It seemed like something young girls liked and he wasn’t exactly in the demographic, he knew, but when he saw the burning, almost unrealistic passion between the love interests, he really couldn’t understand such intense emotions. 

He wonders if even now, Xie Xue was still watching things like that. He used to call it a waste of time, but it really had seemed to make her happy. 

If he ever got out of here, he’d like to sit down and watch something with her again. 

“All of these look so boring, I thought people said there would be good stuff on here. This is all trash,” He Yu says as he scrolls through cookie-cutter dramas. Xie Qingcheng doesn’t reply. 

He finds himself thinking about nothing in particular, staring at the screen without really seeing it. All the while, He Yu continues scrolling through different shows and movies for who knows how long, his demeanor growing increasingly agitated as he presses the buttons on the remote with increased force.

Eventually, he turns to Xie Qingcheng. “Is there anything you want to watch? Everything on here is garbage. If you have anything specific you want to see I can just pirate it.” 

It feels like it’s been years since Xie Qingcheng’s opinion has been taken into consideration for anything. He glances at He Yu for a moment before looking back at the screen. 

Even if He Yu asked, Xie Qingcheng didn’t feel like watching anything in the first place. “If you just want to watch something, pick whatever. I don’t care.” 

He Yu seems incredulous. “Are there really no old shows or movies that you like?” 

Xie Qingcheng thinks back to one particular drama Xie Xue had gotten him to watch. Back then, though he hadn’t admitted it, he’d begrudgingly gotten invested in it, if only because the portrayal of police work had been realistic. Xie Xue had complained about the mystery and investigation overshadowing the romance, but, in an action Xie Qingcheng would never admit to anyone, he had been invested enough to even go as far as watching two episodes ahead without her knowing. 

“There isn’t any,” he ends up saying.

“This is so annoying.” He Yu scowls at the TV screen. “You know what, whatever. I’ll just pick this.” 

Even though he was the one who wanted to do something like this, before they had even started, he already seems frustrated. Xie Qingcheng once again finds himself wondering what gave He Yu the idea to watch something together in the first place if he was just going to get frustrated so easily.

Though He Yu had been disapprovingly scrolling through show after show, he suddenly stops and picks the first one he’d come across, one that happened to be some korean zombie drama. 

The show starts off slowly. In the first place, so much time had passed actually picking the show that the soup had more than enough time to simmer, and so Xie Qingcheng goes to get up. 

As soon as he does so, He Yu seems displeased. “Where are you going?” 

Xie Qingcheng stares at him with distaste. “You were the one who asked me to make you food. It should be done now, I’m going to get it.”

“Oh.” He Yu glances over at the pot of soup on the stove, as if he really had completely forgotten about it. “Hurry up, then.” 

It was demand after demand after demand with this kid. Xie Qingcheng rolls his eyes and pours a large bowl of soup for He Yu, knowing from experience that he’d bitch and complain about it if there wasn’t enough. For himself, he gets a relatively small bowl. 

Despite disliking the way his present body looked and knowing that eating more would get it closer to the way it was before he had been locked away, Xie Qingcheng’s found that he never really had much of an appetite these days, the food never tasting particularly good. 

He had been a doctor– specifically, he had been a psychiatrist. He knows why he’s been experiencing what he has and had long since thrown away any hope of ever having his old, stronger body back. There would hardly be a point in it, anyways, not when there was no option of escape, not when good health was useless here. 

Xie Qingcheng carries the bowls to the living room and sets them on the coffee table, making a second trip to bring two glasses of water and making it a point to sit as far away from He Yu on the couch as possible. Of course, it hardly does anything. He Yu is immediately pushed against his side before he can even say anything. 

Their thighs are pressed together, shoulders touching as He Yu reaches out and grabs his bowl. Though it seemed like he’d been in a bad mood from taking so long to find something to watch, now that things had settled into place and he’d gotten his food, it’s as if a switch had been flipped. 

He grins, bringing his bowl to his mouth and taking a long sip despite how hot it must be. He lets out an “ah” noise when he lowers it back down. “Delicious as always.” 

Xie Qingcheng crosses his arms and sinks deeper into the couch, his gaze going away from He Yu and towards the screen. It was only the beginning of the show and the outbreak hadn’t happened yet, with the exposition being especially boring. “Why choose soup of all things to eat if you wanted to eat it while watching something? You could make a mess if you get distracted.”

He Yu swallows down another large mouthful. “It’s not that complicated. I just felt like having boiled cabbage soup.” 

Xie Qingcheng shakes his head, taking a few sips of his own soup before setting it down. When He Yu notices him not eating though, he gives him a look, and Xie Qingcheng makes an irritated noise. Moves to grab his bowl back to take a few more spoonfuls. 

“Are you happy now?” he bitterly asks once he’s drinken about a quarter of it.

He Yu nods to himself. “I’ve already said this before, but you really do need to eat more.” 

Xie Qingcheng scoffs and doesn’t reply. 

The room is dimly lit, with the light from the screen flickering with each scene change. Before long, the beginning exposition ends and the actual apocalypse begins. The show seemed especially eager to showcase their makeup team because each and every death is especially gruesome and nasty to look at.

Xie Qingcheng was someone who wasn’t generally affected by blood and gore, especially if it was fake blood and makeup. He silently takes sips of his water as he watches, not very interested.

Next to him, He Yu intently stares at the screen between spoonfuls of soup. If this were a normal occasion and Xie Qingcheng was watching this with Chen Man or Xie Xue, their interest would make him think they just liked zombie shows. Having the added context of what He Yu has done makes him feel both uncomfortable and sickened though, and he tries his best to inch his body away from He Yu’s. 

At some point there’s a particularly gruesome scene where all the skin on some poor girl’s cheek is bitten off, and He Yu chews on a piece of cabbage. “You know, this show is actually pretty realistic.”

If Xie Qingcheng had been feeling repulsed before, the feeling gets ten times worse at the comment. He can only sit there and pretend he didn’t hear it, counting down the time until he could leave and go to sleep for the night, if only to have some time to escape into unconsciousness. 

It doesn’t take long for He Yu to finish his bowl, and he sets it down on the coffee table when he’s done. In the next moment, he moves closer to Xie Qingcheng and curls into his side.

Xie Qingcheng had already been pushed against the edge of the couch. There was nowhere for him to escape to. In any case, he had already more or less gotten used to He Yu’s creepy clinginess and didn’t have the energy to lash out. 

After the first episode ends with a large zoom out of a school being infested with zombies, He Yu glances up at him. “What do you think?”

Xie Qingcheng had been checked out for pretty much the entirety of the episode and didn’t have much to say about it. “It was fine.”

“I thought it was pretty decent, too. It’s better than I thought it’d be.”

Saying this, He Yu lets it auto play to the beginning of the next episode, and Xie Qingcheng finds himself letting out a long breath. These episodes were each forty to fifty minutes long. How much longer did He Yu want to keep Xie Qingcheng sitting here? What part of this could possibly be entertaining to him? Didn’t he hate Xie Qingcheng? 

The next episode begins to play, the opening music ominously blaring from the TV. It’s then that Xie Qingcheng begins to truly check out from the situation. His mind strays to other, more pleasant things.

Now that he thinks about it, there were some things he liked to watch. Sometimes, when he felt like just shutting his brain off and winding down, he would put on a nature documentary. Seeing animals thoughtlessly living their lives calmed him down, and he was able to tell himself that it was educational, so it wasn’t truly a waste of time.

Sometimes when he’d gotten tired of the dramas, he’d sit Xie Xue down in front of a nature documentary in the hopes that she’d learn something. A few times when He Yu had tagged along to his home, he had sat down with her and watched them, too. Xie Qingcheng remembers thinking it was good he seemed to be able to relax while watching the animals. Being as young as he was, it wasn’t good to be so stressed all the time. 

He glances at He Yu now, only really being able to see the top of his head and the side of his face from where he’s curled into Xie Qingcheng’s side, intently watching the screen.

It’s as if he feels his gaze. His dark eyes suddenly find Xie Qingcheng’s. 

He smiles, and Xie Qingcheng’s lips curl into a disdainful frown. He looks away.

This whole situation was really too disgusting. If someone didn’t know better and looked through the window, it wouldn’t be unreasonable to assume they were some kind of gay couple rather than a murderer and his hostage. What had brought on this sudden switch in He Yu, anyways? Should he really even be trying to rationalize He Yu’s irrational actions? It was more and more seeming like it was a complete waste of time to try.

Xie Qingcheng does his best to just sit through the damn show when suddenly, He Yu sits up. Xie Qingcheng’s relief over not having him pressed into his side anymore is fleeting when He Yu presses a kiss to his lips. 

“You don’t seem very interested,” he comments, looking displeased, and Xie Qingcheng goes to wipe at his lips. 

These days, it was a dangerous game he’d have to play trying not to piss He Yu off enough that he’d retaliate by beating or fucking him. He really just wants to finish this show and have the night end so he could leave and go to sleep, and so he doesn’t feel particularly argumentative. 

“I’m just tired.” 

He Yu frowns. “You’re always tired.”

No fucking shit, is what Xie Qingcheng wants to say. To begin with, he had spent who knows how long in that basement without sunlight and would probably have to spend three years straight of only eating salmon to get his vitamin d levels back to normal. Then there was the lack of exercise and good sleep, constantly being stressed out, being in an environment that was effectively a house-shaped cage, all on top of his deteriorating health. Really, it was a miracle he hadn’t taken to the habits of a damn cat spending fifteen hours a day sleeping. 

Xie Qingcheng closes his eyes. “That’s just what happens when you get old. You’ll see in twenty years.” 

Why He Yu felt like doing all this disgusting shit with a middle aged man thirteen years his senior was beyond him. Though Xie Qingcheng knew he was attractive to other people, it wasn't like he was immune to aging, either. His looks had gotten noticeably worse the longer he spent withering away as He Yu’s bangmaid. 

He Yu looks at him for a while, his mouth parting in surprise. He suddenly leans over, reaching towards Xie Qingcheng’s head, and Xie Qingcheng jolts in pain. 

“What the hell?” he snaps, and He Yu holds up a strand of hair he’d pulled from him, looking amazed. 

“Xie Qingcheng, look. You already have grays.” 

Xie Qingcheng rolls his eyes. What, had this kid never seen the color gray before? Did his parents get into the habit of buying him defective crayon boxes? 

“Like I said, I’m old.”

It comes as a slight surprise since Xie Qingcheng has never really noticed any gray hairs, but at the same time, with how stressful and lacking in any joy his life has been as of recently, it made sense he’d start to see some now. In fact, his health had begun to deteriorate even faster than normal by being kept here. Being unable to go to his monthly treatments at Meiyu Hospital was likely a big factor in that, but what could he do? Ask He Yu to drop him off every month? 

“Yeah, but you’re not that old.” He Yu continues staring at the strand before pulling Xie Qingcheng’s head closer to inspect it. “There’s a few more.” 

“Have you never seen anyone above the age of thirty before? Stop that,” Xie Qingcheng chides, irritated. He goes to grab He Yu’s arms to pull him away but lets out a surprised noise when he’s shoved back into the couch, He Yu’s lips pressing to his own. 

Xie Qingcheng goes stiff. This always ended the same way, once He Yu started things like this. 

He wants to tell him to stop, to get the hell off of him, but what would that do? The only thing he can do is keep his mouth stubbornly sealed shut when He Yu tries to force his tongue inside. 

He Yu scowls, grabbing Xie Qingcheng by the chin. “You always do this. Why won’t you just give in?” 

It’s a thought Xie Qingcheng has had a few times. Either way, the result would be him getting fucked and He Yu getting whatever it was that he wanted. Even though he knows it’s useless to fight back and though sometimes he found himself falling into a sort of daze where he just let He Yu do whatever to get it over with faster, if he just let He Yu do whatever he wanted with him without any pushback, what kind of man would he be? It would mean he had lost. Or, more specifically, it would mean that he was letting He Yu win. 

How could he allow such a thing? 

Yet sometimes, something in his mind told him it would be easier to just go with whatever He Yu wanted so that this shitty life he’s been forced to live wouldn’t have to be any shitter. If there was no escaping, then he might as well just shut up and live as well as he could. 

He hated the part of himself that thought that way. And yet, he couldn’t get rid of it. 

Xie Qingcheng resists the urge to try and bite one of He Yu’s fingers, glaring. “I’m tired. You already made me cook and watch a show with you, just let me go to sleep now. Go jack off or buy a fleshlight if you really want to get your dick wet.” 

He Yu scowls. He leans in to harshly bite at the side of Xie Qingcheng’s neck, practically sitting in his lap by this point, and Xie Qingcheng jerks in pain as He Yu continues nibbling at the already forming bruise. “Didn’t I already say it? You’re always tired.”

“You can fucking do it later so just let go of me now!” 

The day had been a day where Xie Qingcheng had simply been surviving each hour, with most of those hours having deafening silence being the only thing occupying his mind. When he thought about things too much he would feel like shit, and while he usually shut down those thoughts when they began to get too numerous, he hadn’t been very successful the day before. The dreariness had bled into the present day and the result was that he felt terrible and wanted nothing more than to go to sleep and not have consciousness for a few hours. Even if he’d just wake up and remember everything, lamenting the day that had started all this in the first place where he’d been careless and let his guard down, it was still better than the alternative. 

Xie Qingcheng had thought that telling He Yu he could do it later would appease him, or at least get him off his back for the time being, but this was He Yu, so of course it fucking doesn’t. 

“I want to do it now,” He Yu says, his brows just barely twitching. His next words almost sound butthurt. “Stop acting like it’s such a big deal. You just have to lay there. If I’m as unskilled and boring as you’ve said I am, you should have no problem falling asleep.” 

He leans in, moving to push a hand under Xie Qingcheng’s shirt and running it up his chest, taking one of his nipples between his fingers. At the same time, he continues biting and sucking at the skin on Xie Qingcheng’s neck.

Xie Qingcheng’s struggles beneath him, pushing at his shoulders and chest. “He Yu, just– I already said I’d do it later, so just leave me alone right now–” 

“Shut up.” 

Xie Qingcheng feels his heart rate picking up, pounding against his chest. He turns his head away and squeezes his eyes shut, letting out a shuddered breath. His body goes completely limp as he resigns himself to just letting He Yu do whatever he wants with it. 

In the end, he was powerless.

After a few moments, He Yu suddenly stops, an unreadable expression in his eyes behind the irritated expression on his face. “Are you really just going to lay there like that?” 

What else did he want Xie Qingcheng to do? Didn’t he say himself that he could just lay there and even fall asleep? 

Xie Qingcheng doesn’t respond, continuing to lay there. If it was going to happen anyway and if there was nothing he could do to stop it, the best thing to do was to just endure and wait until it was over. Maybe on another day he would put up more of a fight, but he’s just so tired.

He’s so tired. 

For a long time, He Yu only sits and straddles his lap, not making a move to undress or continue kissing him. It goes on for so long that Xie Qingcheng opens his eyes in confusion. “What? If you’re not going to do it then get off of me.” 

He Yu looks down at him. Like Xie Qingcheng’s own, his hair is slightly longer than usual, reaching just past his eyebrows with a few locks falling in front of his dark eyes as he gazes down at Xie Qingcheng as if he’s thinking about something. 

“...Fine,” he eventually says, and hope jumps in Xie Qingcheng’s chest. 

He thinks that for once in his life He Yu will utilize whatever sympathy was left in his eroded heart to give in and let him rest. When He Yu gets off of him, he really thinks that he’ll leave him alone. 

Of course, this was He Yu. He should have known to not get his hopes up. 

Instead of getting off the couch and going away to brood in his room, He Yu had instead gotten up with the purpose of being able to more easily grab Xie Qingcheng’s legs. Xie Qingcheng is yanked down the couch so that he’s awkwardly splayed across where he was just sitting, his legs completely hanging off the couch. 

It’s exceedingly uncomfortable for both his neck and back, and he struggles to push himself back up with a choked breath, wondering what the hell type of position this was. He Yu wastes no time and suddenly climbs onto his upper chest to pin him in place. While straddling him he has a sick look in his eyes as he stares down at Xie Qingcheng, beginning to unzip his pants, and only then does Xie Qingcheng realize what it is he’s about to do. 

His blood goes cold, his entire being filled with an awful mix of fear and disgust and shame. Though He Yu has forced Xie Qingcheng to spread his legs and get on his knees to be fucked until he couldn’t feel his lower half anymore, the area completely numb, not once has he ever subjected him to this humiliation. 

Xie Qingcheng had been grateful for it and had thought He Yu avoided it because he was smart enough to know that if he put that thing anywhere near Xie Qingcheng’s mouth he’d lose an important part of himself forever, becoming a sudden eunuch. Yet right now, he was… 

Somehow, this feels almost worse than being fucked, more humiliating. Xie Qingcheng lets out a growling noise, yanking his head away, but He Yu grabs his jaw and forces his face too close for comfort with his crotch. 

Xie Qingcheng bucks his hips and tries to twist away. “What the fuck are you–!” 

“Why are you freaking out so much, Xie Qingcheng? Since you don’t want to be fucked, I’m being nice and only having you do this instead. Why are you still complaining?” 

“You act like this is any fucking better!” 

Xie Qingcheng continues kicking his legs and trying to squirm out from under He Yu, but it’s as if there’s a pile of damn bricks sitting on his chest. He can barely move, not when it feels like his lungs are being crushed. 

He Yu pulls his cock out from his pants, already fully hard and a deep red color at the tip, and Xie Qingcheng shudders. From fear, from humiliation, from anger. He tries to pull his head away again only to be shoved closer to He Yu’s crotch, being forced to see that monstrous thing so close he can practically feel the heat permeating off of it.

It takes all his self control to keep himself from gagging up the soup he’d made, though a part of himself thinks that He Yu would deserve it to have someone vomit all over his dick. 

“Put that thing anywhere near my mouth and you can forget ever fucking anyone again,” Xie Qingcheng warns, and He Yu smiles a shining smile. Though his smiles were often fake, this one has his eyes turning into sparkling crescents. 

“Do I have to bring this up every time? Have you honestly forgotten now that you’ve been here for so long? Don’t you ever think of Xie Xue?” He Yu smugly asks. 

Xie Qingcheng thought about Xie Xue every day, the only family he had left, the girl he had raised since she was four years old. Just as it did the first time He Yu brought up her name, he feels the blood in his veins going cold, his stomach uncomfortably twisting. 

The threat is obvious. He Yu doesn’t need to repeat himself, and so he doesn’t, only watching as Xie Qingcheng clenches and unclenches his jaw, seething but ultimately feeling helpless, absolutely powerless. As long as Xie Xue was alive and going about her life, there was nothing He Yu wouldn’t be able to get Xie Qingcheng to do. 

How would she feel if she knew her name was being used to make him do such licentious, nauseating acts? He doesn’t want to think about it. 

Shame fills Xie Qingcheng as he stops fighting, going back to laying there like a piece of chopped wood, his legs trembling from the uncomfortable way he has to keep himself propped up. 

When He Yu sees that Xie Qingcheng had stopped fighting it, his smile grows wider. He taps his cock against Xie Qingcheng’s cheek a few times, seeming to revel in the way Xie Qingcheng does a full-body shudder. “That’s what I thought.” 

Xie Qingcheng is too angry to speak. Even if he had wanted to say something though, it wouldn’t have mattered, not when something thick and hot is suddenly shoved into his mouth without warning.  

He Yu lets out a breathy, gasped noise. At the same time, Xie Qingcheng gags. Never before has he ever had something so thick in his mouth like this. He can feel the fleshy texture on his tongue and even the prominent vein that sticks out on the underside of it, the salty wetness of precum easing the slide. It feels as if it’s filling his entire mouth, stretching his jaw so uncomfortably that for a half-second he’s afraid it will pop off its hinges.

It’s difficult to breathe, as if all his airways had been blocked. He gags again when He Yu rocks his hips forwards, pushing in even deeper so that Xie Qingcheng can feel his cock bumping against the back of his throat. 

His eyes subconsciously water. It’s a genuine miracle he doesn’t vomit all over himself as his chest heaves, his hands scrabbling against He Yu’s thighs. 

“… Your mouth feels so good, Ge,” He Yu breathes out, slowly rocking his hips back and forth. 

An awful, squelch-like noise sounds out from Xie Qingcheng’s throat at the movements. A part of him is thankful He Yu hadn’t forced him to give him a proper blowjob since the act of actually having to do it himself would be even more humiliating, but being used as if his mouth is some kind of exclusive fleshlight doesn’t leave him feeling much better. 

There’s also the fact that he can’t breathe. It’s a terrible feeling, somehow different from what he’d felt when He Yu had choked him out before. It’s an overwhelming sensation to have something so big forcing his jaw open, rubbing back and forth against the inside of his mouth while it blocks off all his airways. It tastes salty and fleshy and like saliva and it’s disgusting, yet he can’t help gurgling and swallowing around it. 

He doesn’t know if it’s just because he’s never done this before or if this was just how it was supposed to be, but it really does feel as if he’s being suffocated. Though he tries to just hold on and endure, thinking that He Yu will pull out at some point to let him take in a breath, he doesn’t. He just keeps going, he just keeps going, letting out satisfied groans and gasps as he pushes in and out of Xie Qincheng’s throat. 

Xie Qingcheng finds panic filling his brain the longer it goes on, his chest violently trembling. He pushes against He Yu’s thighs even more forcefully, his vision blurry from the tears in his eyes as choked, gurgled noises gargle up his throat. 

Only when accidentally grazing He Yu with his teeth when it feels as if he really might pass out does that awful thing pull out of his mouth, and he gasps for breath, sputtering and coughing, heaving in mouthfuls of air. He feels lightheaded.

“Xie Qingcheng, you dare put your teeth on me? Did I not already warn you about what would happen?” He Yu demands, his own breath coming slightly heavier as pink dusts his cheeks. 

Saliva dribbles down Xie Qingcheng’s chin, and he wipes it off with an arm, continuing to gasp in air. His chest rapidly heaves up and down. Even without having something shoved down his throat it still felt impossible to breathe with He Yu sitting on him. “It… you think I’ve ever done this before? It was an accident so just calm the fuck down… fuck…” 

Maybe it was because he used to be a smoker or maybe it was because of his poor health, but it feels as if it’s more difficult than it should be to recover a normal air supply for his lungs. No matter how frantically he tries to get in air, it feels like it isn’t enough. 

He Yu takes in the scene of Xie Qingcheng struggling to breathe. His cheeks are flushed red, eyes slightly hazing as he stares down at him. Though Xie Qingcheng still hasn’t properly had the chance to catch his breath, he suddenly shoves his cock back into his mouth. 

Xie Qingcheng chokes, and yet He Yu only pushes himself even deeper, until Xie Qingcheng gets a noseful of coarse hair. “Your mouth looks so good taking me. Look, it went all the way inside.”

At least this time, Xie Qingcheng isn’t caught as off guard and has some semblance of what to expect. He quickly figures out that it’s a little better for himself and less painful for his jaw and throat when he relaxes the muscles in his throat, so that’s what he does, frantically trying to keep his throat relaxed so he can save some air. 

At least, that’s what he tries to do, but it comes as a struggle. Every time He Yu’s cock hits the walls of his throat the muscles want to tighten back up again, and to his dismay, not only does the accidental tightening and loosening of his throat make things more difficult for him, it seems to make it feel better for He Yu. His gasps grow louder and more ragged as his thrusts pick up speed. 

By now, he had switched from gripping Xie Qingcheng’s jaw to curling a fist through his hair, grabbing a clump and tugging Xie Qingcheng even closer so that he’s taking the entire length of his cock into his mouth. Once again, Xie Qingcheng feels as if he’s going to pass out from lack of oxygen, his vision flickering black. 

It becomes obvious He Yu is purposefully waiting until he gets to that point before he pulls out. Each time, he only gives Xie Qingcheng a few seconds to gasp in a lungful of air before he pushes right back into his mouth. Xie Qingcheng keeps his eyes closed and imagines himself anywhere else as he feels his cock rubbing back and forth against the inside of his mouth. His mouth is sore, his jaw is sore, he feels slightly delirious from the lack of oxygen.

The shame of taking another man’s dick into his mouth doesn’t escape him. The foul, repulsive words He Yu spouts at him between gasps make everything even worse, if that’s possible. Though he tries to tune him out, it’s impossible to do so completely as he has to listen to himself being called a wife, a bitch, a whore.  

Who knows how long it lasts. Eventually though, Xie Qingcheng can feel that terrible thing twitch in his mouth, can feel how He Yu’s thrusts grow even more erratic, and his eyes fly wide open. He was a man, too; he knew what this meant. 

He wants to tell He Yu to get off of him, to pull it out. If he really wanted to humiliate him then fine, do it on his face or something, but not– 

“Do you know what cum tastes like? I heard it’s kind of sour,” He Yu breathlessly says, and the bile Xie Qingcheng had managed to keep down begins uncomfortably stirring in his stomach. 

This fucking– he was really going to– 

Xie Qingcheng’s sore throat wildly widens and contracts as he tries to say something, but all that comes out are pitiful gurgled noises. He Yu gasps as he thrusts even faster, holding Xie Qingcheng’s head in place by his hair, and Xie Qingcheng feels the tears that had been in his eyes silently flowing down his cheeks as his hands scrabble against He Yu’s thighs. 

He violently shudders when he feels the burst of something warm in his mouth. He Yu had pushed as far as he could possibly go, making it all the way to the back of his throat, and so Xie Qingcheng doesn’t even have the option of being able to spit it out. It shoots straight down his throat, and he convulses in horror and disgust, his entire body uncontrollably trembling. 

His throat swallows on reflex, and he wants to die. 

He can feel He Yu’s cock starting to go soft in his mouth. He Yu finally pulls out after a few moments of heavy breathing, getting off Xie Qingcheng and pulling him up so he can sit on the couch. The entire time, Xie Qingcheng hacks and coughs, his entire body continuing to uncontrollably tremble. 

It feels so disgusting. That was– it was disgusting. Inside of him, going down to his stomach, was He Yu’s– 

“How did it taste, Ge?” He Yu has the nerve to ask, and Xie Qingcheng doesn’t even waste time looking at him. 

He gets up to stumble to the bathroom, his stomach turning into knots, everything he had eaten practically bending its knees in preparation for making a mighty leap up his throat and out of his mouth. 

Before he can get far, He Yu grabs his wrist and yanks him back. “Don’t throw up. Keep it all inside of you.” 

Xie Qingcheng feels so disgusted and sick that for a moment he doesn’t even process his words. When he does, he whips around to face him, his eyes red. “You– shut the fuck up! I fucking– you– you just–”  

Before he can finish, He Yu grabs him and pulls him into his lap, resting a hand on his stomach. He stares down at it for a few seconds before looking back up at Xie Qingcheng. “You really swallowed it all. How does it feel having a part of me inside of you? It should be in your stomach by now.” 

Xie Qingcheng still hasn’t stopped shaking from disgust. Now, that disgust mixes with rage. “Let go!” 

He Yu presses a kiss to his lips, completely ignoring that they’re the same lips that had been wrapped around his dick only a few moments ago. Xie Qingcheng feels even more disgusted and harshly bites him, forgetting that He Yu was someone who enjoyed blood. 

“...Let go,” he weakly repeats when He Yu pulls away. He feels nauseous. 

He Yu smiles a wide smile, his blood-stained lips shining. “No.”

Chapter Text

When He Yu had started letting Xie Qingcheng out of the basement to do things around the house, it was usually with supervision. He would give Xie Qingcheng the illusion of having free reign as an act of his “benevolence.” It was fooling neither of them. Yet, He Yu kept putting on an act.  

As time had passed, he’d let Xie Qingcheng do whatever even if he wasn’t in the room to watch him. At some point it almost seemed as if he stopped caring— or maybe he’d just realized it wasn’t necessary to constantly monitor Xie Qingcheng, since even if he could physically go outside, he wouldn’t be able to get past the invisible boundaries that would turn his body into a convulsing heap if he dared to cross them. 

Now, whenever He Yu left, he would let Xie Qingcheng do whatever in the house without caring to lock him up or keep him restrained. Rather than a captive, it was as if he had turned into a criminal effectively on house arrest. The irony isn’t lost on Xie Qingcheng. 

He doesn’t know if this is what He Yu had meant when he’d said that after a while, he wouldn’t want to escape anymore. If it was, it further proved just how delusional he was. 

You’ll see, he’d said, like there would really be a difference. If this was the supposed big improvement to his life, being transferred from one cage to another slightly bigger one, then it was a bigger scam than subscription services that made you pay an additional fee on top of the subscription to get rid of ads. He wasn't someone who used subscription services much, but he easily remembered all the times Xie Xue had complained about something of the like to him. 

The first thing Xie Qingcheng does when He Yu is gone is search the house from top to bottom. This was the location He Yu committed most of his murders, and so he must be keeping his weapons somewhere. It was unlikely he’d gotten rid of them when he started letting Xie Qingcheng have free reign to move around. If he could find the stash, then maybe he’d have some chance of escaping, had been his thought process.

On the surface, the house seems ordinary, if not a little barren with its lack of decorations and  personality. It’s a single floor, with two bedrooms, an office, and a bathroom.

It hardly made sense why He Yu would get a house with two bedrooms in the first place, especially when only one was being used. Surprisingly enough, He Yu’s bedroom had been left unlocked when he left for who knows where— Xie Qingcheng had made sure to scour every inch of it to see if there could be anything useful, but there was nothing to find. 

The bedroom is as impersonal as the rest of the house. The office is the same way, with all important files being organized into file cabinets. None of them have any information that could help Xie Qingcheng, with the majority just being documents related to the He pharmaceutical company. It was disappointing after spending so much time going through each and every individual paper he could find, but he can’t say he’s surprised. 

On the surface, this house was the perfect decoy house. Upon just visiting, no one would think to suspect any of the terrible things that went on inside, nor would they ever consider that there was actively a hostage locked away within its walls. Even the basement is the most inconspicuous and unsuspecting basement he’s ever seen— apart from the concrete flooring and visible foundation in parts of the walls, it might as well have been a separate bedroom. 

The one thing in the house that’s locked is the closet in the hallway.

It was unusual for closets to have locks on them, especially ones like this that weren't a standalone piece of furniture but instead physically built into the home. It meant that He Yu had probably ordered a custom door, one that needed a key to unlock.

If there was anywhere in the house weapons might be kept, the closet seemed the most likely place. The main difficulty is actually getting inside.

Though the door is locked, that isn’t much of a problem. Xie Qingcheng was a police officer— he had long since learned how to pick locks and was able to use a paperclip found in He Yu’s office to do so.

The issue is that when he gets the door open, he’s met with the sight of a safe.

It’s large, a secure type he wouldn’t be able to pick or smash open. The only solution would be to know the code, but there were billions, if not more variations that could be right. He has no idea what He Yu’s code is, doesn’t have a clue as to what it could be, and is well aware that He Yu was smart enough not to just leave it lying down somewhere.

Xie Qingcheng gives up after trying common passcodes and dates that might be important to He Yu like his birthday or graduation. It would be too tedious of a process to just guess and hope for the best– it would take ten lifetimes and then some to go through every single number variation available and stumble across the right one. His only option was to somehow figure out the code.

He Yu was a skilled hacker, in the top five of the entire country. Xie Qingcheng had first hand experience with how effectively he worked to keep the police off his back; the only reason they’d even made contact is because He Yu wanted to. Considering the person he was dealing with, how was he ever supposed to find the passcode? It seemed like more than anything, all stressing about it would do was disappoint him, waste his time, and lower his mood into even murkier depths. 

What would he even do if he got the safe open? Kill He Yu? 

He didn’t even know if there were actually weapons in the safe, it was all just conjecture. If he did get the safe open though, and if there were truly weapons in it… 

He Yu wasn’t a good person. It just wasn’t something he could be called anymore. While Xie Qingcheng hadn’t always seen him in such an awful light and while he had been a good child, things had changed. Maybe at heart he was someone who was good, who was kind, but it was as if that heart had been infested with rats, devoured until only a poisonous pit was left. This He Yu was not that young boy Xie Qingcheng used to look after and throw over his shoulder. He had not been for a long time. 

Xie Qingcheng wasn’t someone who necessarily believed in the death penalty. He believed everyone in the world deserved second chances, and that no one was perfect. If someone managed such a title, they simply wouldn’t be human. Each life, no matter if it was the life of a homeless man or the life of a wealthy politician, held the same value. To him, no one was intrinsically evil. There was not a bad person existing in the world who had never done a good deed. 

This was just the sort of person Xie Qingcheng was. Even after all the horrible things He Yu had done, he still found a part of himself thinking that there was room for change. For everyone that existed, as long as they were human and as long as they had a beating heart, as long as they were willing to, they could change. 

It wasn’t like these people didn’t deserve punishment. But when the punishment became death, his lines of morality blurred. 

Maybe it was strange, being in his line of work and thinking this way. Although this was his first time personally dealing with a case of a serial murderer like He Yu, it was true that he knew the procedures involved in something like this. For anyone who had committed sins as grave as He Yu’s, they would be sent to death and die at the hands of the government. 

Knowing this, he had knowingly continued in his search to find He Yu. For justice, for the lives that had been lost, he had put one foot in front of the other and walked down a path that would only lead to one thing. There was no being sent to rehab or a metal health care facility for someone like He Yu. All that waited for him was death, and Xie Qingcheng had been the one running towards him with the dagger all this time. 

And yet, when He Yu had screamed in agony, gouging his arm into chunks of flesh and blood, Xie Qingcheng felt discomfort in his heart. He had stopped him from hurting himself, had put his own body in danger to do so. He still had the scars on his palm from when he’d grabbed the knife. 

Why? 

Xie Qingcheng had begun to realize the only way to get out of this situation was for He Yu to die. There was no other solution. He couldn’t leave as long as He Yu was alive or risk the lives of future victims, not to mention, it would be extremely difficult to disable the shock device and escape with He Yu around. He Yu had made it clear he would never let him go– he could only escape if he killed him. Even if this house was found by the police, even if He Yu was caught and Xie Qingcheng was saved, He Yu would still be put to death for his crimes. 

If Xie Qingcheng wanted to get out of here, he had to kill He Yu. 

Xie Qingcheng hated him. He hated him, felt disgusted and afraid and powerless with the things He Yu forced him to do. He wanted nothing more than for He Yu to disappear and be sunk into the ground when he forced himself on Xie Qingcheng. He hated that he forced him to live this dreary life, as if he wasn’t a person at all, but rather, some kind of toy. He hated him for threatening Xie Xue, from keeping him from his family and friends, from stealing his life from him. 

And yet, on that day, Xie Qingcheng had grabbed the blade of the knife. He had taken hold of He Yu, tightly gripping him to stop him from hurting himself even further. 

Humans were complicated. That fact feels more true now than ever. 

If Xie Qingcheng could open this safe in front of him, if he had access to weapons and truly had the ability to kill He Yu… would he? 

Something like fear fills his heart when he realizes he doesn’t know the answer. 

Xie Qingcheng steps out of the closet, leaving the safe behind and closing the door. He looks around the house that had become his cage. 

He suddenly feels lonely. He had no access to the internet or the outside world and didn’t know what Xie Xue, Chen Men, or any of the others were up to. His life had been reduced to this house and He Yu. 

It suddenly feels as if the walls around him are constricting, moving in closer and closer until he’s left with no space to even breathe. It feels like if he stays inside any longer he really will go crazy, will turn into even more of a shell of himself.

With quiet steps, he walks down the hallway to where the glass sliding door to the backyard is. If He Yu had given him anything that made this dreary life any better, then it was this. Now that Xie Qingcheng could no longer go past certain bounds and wasn’t able to escape even if he got outside, He Yu had allowed him to start going into the yard. In fact, he encouraged him to go outside, saying something about how he had become too pale. 

He slips on the sandals He Yu had gotten for him and steps outside. It’s a little hot out, the sky a vibrant blue with only a few tufts of white here and there. 

He walks down the concrete path, looking at the vibrant green of the grass and the way the trees scattered around sway in the wind. There isn’t much decoration in the backyard, with the only thing He Yu really seemed to care about being how trimmed the grass was. It seemed he hadn’t looked after it for a while, though. Some weeds had grown in, with little yellow flowers poking out in the grass, some of them having already turned into white balls of fluff that could be blown away. 

Leaning over, Xie Qingcheng picks one from the ground, looking at it. Xie Xue had always loved these types of flowers. She hadn’t cared at all that they were really weeds and would rejoice in blowing and scattering about the seeds when they were like this. 

With that memory in his heart, Xie Qingcheng brings the flower to his lips and blows. 

Gege, have you heard? If you blow these and scatter the seeds, then if you make a wish while doing so, it will definitely come true! 

It was what Xie Xue had told him once when she’d been young. He had asked her what she was doing, playing outside for so long when it was already getting dark. She had looked at him with bright eyes and beamed, telling him this important rule. Seeing him just standing there, she had stood up and ran to pluck a new one, holding it before him and telling him to make a wish, too. 

Back then, he had simply handed it back to her. 

If you want something, you have to work for it. I have no need to blow on flowers to make things come true, he’d said. Save your wishes for yourself if you really believe in it. 

Xie Qingcheng watches as his breath carries the white seeds of the dandelion away. Back then he didn’t believe in such things, and he had the same mindset now. It wasn’t realistic to base one’s hopes on silly things like wishing on stars or flower seeds. 

How nice would it be if such things really existed? 

Wanting to get out of the sun, Xie Qingcheng stares at the scattered seeds for a moment longer before walking over to the willowy tree in the yard. He sits under it, resting his back against the twisted bark as he looks at the fence extending his cage just enough to allow for some fresh air. Though, under these circumstances, it really didn’t feel that fresh at all. 

The first time he had come outside, he’d tested climbing over the fence to see if he would be shocked, immediately pulling away when he’d felt that awful, burning pain shoot through him. After he’d confirmed the invisible borders extended to the backyard, he’d tried methods to catch the attention of anyone who might be in the vicinity: He’d yelled, started a fire, thrown objects over, but he knew it was no use. He had already seen outside and knew that there really was no one around. He Yu had taken him to a place where they were completely and utterly alone. Who would save him? 

He leans back, closing his eyes and placing his hands in his lap, breathing in the air. It was hot outside, but there was a nice breeze, and being in the shade of a tree made the temperature bearable. Like this, listening to the rustling of leaves and inhaling the smell of dirt and grass, he could almost believe he was somewhere else. 

***

Xie Qingcheng wakes with a gasp, soaked in cold sweat. His heart beats rapidly against his chest, and he finds that his breathing is ragged, his limbs just barely quivering. 

It had started happening ever since he’d first been imprisoned, where bad thoughts and memories would stick to his mind like some kind of parasite and plague him even in sleep in the form of nightmares. Just now, it had felt like he was re-experiencing the day of his failed escape, when He Yu had pushed him down and fucked him so angrily and violently he’d needed stitches and weeks to recover. That crushing loss of hope when he realized he couldn’t get past the front yard, the pain and fear when He Yu had found him, it’s as if he’s experiencing it all over again. 

He lets out a shuddered breath, willing himself to calm down. He clutches at the grass under him and takes in deep breaths, in through his nose and out through his mouth. The sound of his pounding heartbeat fills his ears in a way that makes it seem as if his heart was not in his chest where it was supposed to be, but rather, in his head. 

This shouldn’t affect him so much. By this point it’s happened so many times, he was more or less used to it. It was something he’s learned to handle the best he could. It was his life now, and there would be no avoiding it. 

And yet… 

When he finally calms down and opens his eyes, he jumps to see dark almond eyes gazing at him. 

“What were you dreaming about?” He Yu asks from where he’s sitting just a ways in front of him. “You’re shaking.” 

He Yu watches him, his hair slightly blowing from the breeze, a bead of sweat on his face from the heat. His gaze is intense as he looks at Xie Qingcheng. 

He’s the last person Xie Qingcheng wants to see, and yet, it feels like he’ll lose something if he breaks and looks away. So he keeps his eyes on He Yu, stamping down the turbulent emotions in his heart. 

Though the day is hot, his gaze is cold. 

This was the person who was keeping him in this prison. This was the person Xie Qingcheng found himself dreaming about, a person who terrorized him even in his sleep, as if stealing every waking moment from him wasn’t enough. This boy, who he had once called little devil. 

Would he have become like this if Xie Qingcheng had done better as his doctor? Or was it that from the beginning, since the very day he had been born, he was cursed to live a life of hurt, only to eventually turn on the world and hurt it, too? Had Xie Qingcheng’s efforts all that time ago been for nothing? Had the progress He Yu seemed to be making really not done anything at all? 

He doesn’t want to think that. 

“Nothing,” Xie Qingcheng responds, not wanting to give He Yu the satisfaction of knowing that even in his dreams, Xie Qingcheng couldn’t escape him. Coughing, he asks, “When did you get back? How long have you been sitting there?” 

“Not that long ago, it couldn’t have been more than thirty minutes. I was sitting here for pretty much the same amount of time.” He Yu has a calculating look in his eyes, his lips just barely twisting. “I didn’t know Doctor Xie could get nightmares.” 

Xie Qingcheng’s lips twitch. “It’s none of your business.” 

“What was it about? What in the world could scare the cold and aloof Doctor Xie?” He Yu presses, scooting closer to him. Though his words are mocking, there’s some other indiscernible emotion in his eyes. 

Xie Qingcheng really isn’t in the mood to answer and doesn’t feel like talking, either. Choosing to ignore He Yu, he leans back and gazes at the way the light from the sun filters through the warm green of the leaves above.

As the time went on and his health continued to grow worse, so had his vision. Even now, the leaves are slightly blurred, the light filtering through giving the scene an appearance more similar to nondescript shimmering blobs.

Though normally He Yu would get upset at being ignored and force Xie Qingcheng to give a more satisfactory answer, for some reason, he doesn’t say anything. Rather, he looks up at where Xie Qingcheng is looking. Silence settles over them.

There no longer existed a world where Xie Qingcheng could call a silence comfortable when He Yu was the one sharing it with him. Yet at that moment, it wasn't terribly uncomfortable, either. He’s almost able to pretend he’s by himself and He Yu isn’t there.

Xie Qingcheng feels weary. Maybe it’s because his mind was still slightly sensitive from his nightmare, or maybe it was because he’s started caring less about things, but he suddenly finds himself quietly asking, “How is Xie Xue?”

Usually he didn’t want to show any vulnerability in front of He Yu and ask like this, but he finds it slipping out before he realizes what he’s saying.

He really missed her.

He Yu pauses. Lets out a breath. “She’s fine. She returned to teaching a while ago and seems to be doing well.”

Xie Qingcheng is quiet for a while. He wants to ask about Chen Man and Zheng Jingfeng too, but since they were the ones who had been working with him to capture He Yu, it feels like something he shouldn’t mention.

Instead, he continues looking up at the leaves and the sky. The sun is still bright, hanging high and proud. He has the fleeting thought of what would happen if he stared directly at it for a while. If he went blind, would He Yu see him as a weak, blind old man and finally lose interest? Would he let him go, then?

He Yu’s voice cuts through the silence. “Xie Qingcheng.”

Xie Qingcheng wearily looks at him. 

He Yu has a serious look on his face as he asks, “What do you think about it here?”

If Xie Qingcheng didn’t know any better, he would think he almost sounded anxious. Concerned, like he really cared. Like Xie Qingcheng’s feelings really mattered.

Was he really asking that?

Why did he care?

Xie Qingcheng evenly looks at him, his face carefully neutral. “What do you think?” 

Really, what did He Yu think? Did he honestly, truly think that whatever Xie Qingcheng would tell him would be anything but his disdain for this life he’d been forced into, without any say over whether he wanted it or not? This life where he couldn’t see his friends and family, couldn’t have a life, couldn’t work, couldn’t live normally as a person?

He Yu’s lips twitch. Rather than answer, he says, “Don’t answer my question with another question.” 

This feels like a trap. It feels like no matter how he responds, He Yu will lash out: If he answered truthfully, he’d get angry, and if he lied and said it was fine, he would get angry about him lying. Xie Qingcheng doesn’t feel like being subjected to He Yu’s ire right now and is quiet for a long time. 

Rather than speak of likes or dislikes, he simply asks, “...Will you ever let me go?” 

He Yu stares at him. Xie Qingcheng finds that he’d been right in his assessment of what He Yu’s reactions would be: Slowly yet surely, a sourness begins to seep into his facial expression and body language. 

“When will you stop asking things like that? Is it really so bad here?” he snaps. 

Could there really be a worse life than the life he had here? He can’t think of many things that would be worse. Nothing else could feel so humiliating and dehumanizing. “He Yu, are you really asking me this? I don’t think you need me to tell you how I feel about being here.” 

He Yu begins to grow increasingly agitated. “Stop… stop calling me that!” 

What else did he want Xie Qingcheng to call him? Was that not the name he had since the day of his birth? “What are you talking about? You–” 

“I said stop it!” 

A grunt of surprise is forced from Xie Qingcheng’s throat when He Yu suddenly grabs him by the shoulders so harshly it feels like there will be finger-shaped indents, the skin blooming into bruises. 

“Xie Qingcheng, how ungrateful are you? Okay, so maybe things in the beginning weren’t very good, but how is your life so bad now? You’re not restricted by any rope anymore and can do whatever you like. The only thing is that you can’t go too far, but that’s it! Why are you still acting like you’d rather be anywhere else!?” 

Xie Qingcheng can hardly suppress his disbelief as he stares at He Yu’s dark, flashing eyes. He feels something like fury begin to build in his chest, like a bush in the wilderness that had been set ablaze with only a matter of time before the flames began to spread. “How conceited are you? Have you always been this delusional? I never asked to have a life like this!” 

“Even if you never asked for it, how is it that bad? There are people out there who wish they’d never been born because of how terrible their lives are. Some people spend each day until the day they die living a life they spent every breathing moment hating! How is this so bad?” 

How was this so bad? How was this so bad? 

“No matter how bad someone’s life is, there will always be someone else who has it worse. That doesn’t take away from the hardships of the first person,” Xie Qingcheng bites out. “How is this so bad? He Yu, so when you force yourself on me, another man, how do you think I feel? When you make me fucking sit down and watch TV with you or cook for you, really, how do you think I feel? I haven’t seen Xie Xue in who knows how long! You say she’s fine, but how am I supposed to know for sure when I can’t even see her myself? All for what? So you can keep me as some kind of breathing sex toy whenever you want to get your dick wet? You depraved fucking beast, I– ” 

“You act as if you haven’t passed out from pleasure. Xie Qingcheng, I’ve heard the way you’ve moaned underneath me. Yet you say you don’t like it? How shameful are you? A nearly forty year old man, whining and crying while taking me all the way inside of you. Maybe you’d feel better if you stopped lying to yourself and just accepted it.” 

“Accept what? What the fuck are you saying!” Feeling humiliated and furious, Xie Qingcheng moves to slap He Yu, but He Yu grabs his wrist. Even now, the scars from the ropes that had kept him restrained in the first few months hadn’t even begun to fade. 

“Stop acting like you haven’t enjoyed it. I’ve seen your face, Xie Qingcheng. Even if you want to lie, your body is more honest.” 

As he says it, he tightens his grip on the rope burn scars around Xie Qingcheng’s wrist, and Xie Qingcheng grits his teeth. He wants to get up, wants to leave from here and go somewhere he didn’t have to see He Yu’s face anymore, but as soon as he moves to get up he’s shoved right back down, his back scraping against the rough bark of the tree. 

It feels humiliating to bring up, painful to think about how close he had been to escaping, and yet Xie Qingcheng feels so angry and powerless he finds the words coming out anyway. “I enjoy it? Have you fucking lost function in the parts of your brain relating to memory? Did you forget that you’ve been so violent I’ve needed to get stitches? Did you not think anything about it was wrong when you were the one who fucking put them in yourself?” 

He Yu’s face just barely pales, his expression going even more sour. “That… that wouldn’t have happened if you hadn’t tried to escape.” 

“Why the hell do you think I wanted to escape in the first place!?”

He Yu is silent as Xie Qingcheng breathes heavily, his eyes red. He feels angry at He Yu, but more than anything, he feels angry at the complete lack of control he has over anything. He was completely and utterly powerless. Everything that happened to him and everything that would happen to him, he had no say in it. No matter how much he hated it, no matter how awful it felt, it would happen regardless. 

After a long time, He Yu quietly says, “It doesn’t matter. Whatever happens here, it’s because you deserve it.” 

It’s because you deserve it.

Xie Qingcheng finds himself suddenly feeling very tired, the feeling of absolute powerlessness in his heart growing worse, malignant. The feeling of He Yu grabbing his wrist is uncomfortable and he wants him to stop touching him, but just like He Yu had control over every aspect of his life, he also had control over his body. Even with something as simple as this. 

“...Why do I deserve this?” he wearily asks. 

Was it because of the video? But then, He Yu had already kept him captive before seeing it. Was it because he failed as his doctor? Was it because he hadn’t been kind enough to He Yu, hadn’t stood up for him enough when his parents ignored him and treated him like he wasn’t even their child? After surviving through all odds and forcing himself to go on even when his body and soul were tattered and torn to shreds, for the sake of his family, for the sake of Xie Xue, who had been so little at the time, had he not done enough in his life? 

When had he let He Yu down? What was it that He Yu saw as the slight, the act deserving of keeping him here like this? In He Yu’s mind, what had Xie Qingcheng done wrong? 

Why did he deserve this? 

Suddenly, though it’s so quiet he isn’t sure He Yu had said anything at all, Xie Qingcheng thinks he hears something. In a voice reminiscent of the fourteen year old he had left behind all those years ago, only a few words are breathed out, but just those are enough.

Because you left me. 

Was it that He Yu had truly said it, or that he was just imagining it? 

It’s silent for a while as He Yu keeps a solid grip on his wrist, as if worried Xie Qingcheng will run away and never come back if he lets go. Despite being able to hang Xie Xue over his head, despite having a device implanted into him that ensured he would never be able to leave, despite having him in the middle of nowhere so that even if he was able to get out, he could easily be caught again before reaching help, he still holds on to him like this. As if this was the only thing keeping Xie Qingcheng from leaving him for good. 

Xie Qingcheng gives up fighting him away and only sits there, his back against the trunk of the tree, the droplets of sweat on his face cooled by the breeze. He looks at He Yu, the boy who used to be his patient, and he wonders if he truly had done something wrong. If he had really messed up so badly that that young little dragon had turned into a beast like this. 

Who knows how much time passes. By the time He Yu finally lets go of him the sun has dropped lower in the sky, the air starting to cool as night prepared to come. 

He stands up, wiping off his pants and looking at Xie Qingcheng with an unreadable expression. 

Though he had sounded angry before, emotional, his voice is calmer now. “...You should come inside soon. If you stay out any longer, you’ll be eaten by bugs.” 

After saying those short sentences, he turns around and walks away, going into the house and leaving Xie Qingcheng alone in the grass, the scattered remains of dandelion seeds lying around him. 

He picks one of the dandelions closest to him, but before he’s able to absentmindedly blow it, the wind carries the seeds away. He watches as they drift for a few moments before scattering into the grass like droplets of snow. 

Xie Qingcheng stays outside as the sun begins to set and doesn’t go inside even as the world is enshrouded in darkness, stars faintly glimmering in the sky. He Yu doesn’t come out to get him.

Chapter Text

Xie Qingcheng blearily opens his eyes to the sight of a room nearly pitch black if not for the faint moonlight that seeps through the curtains. He feels sticky and unclean, warmth blooming along the length of his back from where He Yu clings to it and hugs him so tightly it would be hard to tell where his back stopped and He Yu’s chest started. 

More and more often, he found himself waking up like this in He Yu’s arms. After the first few times he had given up trying to escape, knowing it would be useless. It was as if He Yu could sense his intent of escaping and always immediately woke up, holding him even tighter until it felt as if he might be squeezed to death if he moved too much. 

He still hadn’t pulled out. The feeling of it still being inside is uncomfortable and painful with how sore he is, but Xie Qingcheng can only sigh as he limply lays there, gazing out at the dark wall in front of him. Against his back, he can feel the steady rise and fall of He Yu’s chest. 

Right now, his captor was asleep and completely vulnerable. And yet, Xie Qingcheng finds that he can only lay there. 

He feels the rhythm of He Yu’s heartbeat, his warm breath tickling the skin behind his ears. Xie Qingcheng glances back to look at him and sees his face slightly obscured by his messy hair. All the stress and crazed madness that could often be found on He Yu’s face is gone. Instead, his features are relaxed and unworried, almost gentle looking. His mouth is just barely parted, his long lashes lowered in a way that made him appear especially boyish, and for a moment Xie Qingcheng finds himself being reminded of that young boy he used to look after. 

Something uncomfortable tugs at his heart. He looks away and back to the dark wall across from him. Now that his eyes have had some time to adjust and he’s able to see a little better in the darkness, the outline of the moon through the dark curtains is a little brighter, more clear. The stars in the night sky can just barely be seen, too, and he tries to distract himself with them when he realizes he can’t fall back asleep. 

He pretends they’re jellyfish peacefully floating throughout the sky, unrestricted by all laws of the world and unburdened by thoughts and responsibilities. He imagines what it would be like if he, too, could become like that. If even just for a day he could go up into the stars and ignore all the facets of his life back on the ground, simply floating through life without a thought in his mind. 

Without realizing, he must have been shifting around a little, because He Yu’s arms around him tighten. 

“...Ge, what are you doing up? Go back to sleep,” He Yu sleepily murmurs against his ear, and Xie Qingcheng shivers from the feeling of his warm breath. 

“I have to use the bathroom,” he whispers, if only to try and get He Yu to let go of him, but He Yu only hugs him tighter, burying his head into the crick of his neck. His breaths are slow and even, and Xie Qingcheng realizes he must have already fallen back asleep. 

With an exhale of breath, Xie Qingcheng gives up any hope of being able to get out of this and lets himself be held. Fatigue curls around him and tugs on his eyelids, dragging them down, and he finds himself going limp. His eyelids slide shut. 

***

“...What is this?” Xie Qingcheng asks, gazing at a bookshelf. 

It’s placed in the previously empty bedroom and sits right next to the window, filled to the brim with books. He doesn’t know when He Yu had managed to get the bookshelf in the house without him noticing or how he was able to get so many books in a short amount of time, but it surprises him.

Seeing Xie Qingcheng’s slightly skeptical expression, He Yu smiles. “They’re for you. You like reading, don’t you?” 

Xie Qingcheng stares at the bookshelf. More than anything, it seemed like this was more just a ploy to buy his affections and give He Yu another reason to justify why Xie Qingcheng’s life here was so great, but he doesn’t feel like calling it out. Even if there wasn’t a good reason for this being brought here, it was here now, and it was true that Xie Qingcheng enjoyed reading. 

The titles of some of the books are the same as his favorites, he realizes. Surprised, he turns to He Yu, wondering how he would know what types of books he liked. It’s a little unsettling. Just how long had he been watching him even before all this? 

He Yu scratches the back of his neck when he realizes what Xie Qingcheng had been looking at. “I sometimes saw you reading them when you were treating me. There was also a bookshelf with a lot of books at your house. I tried to buy the ones I remembered seeing along with some new stuff.” 

Even after all these years, he somehow remembered the books Xie Qingcheng used to read? Something unreadable nudges at Xie Qingcheng’s gut from the thought. If he remembered even now, then in the past, just how much had he been paying attention? What type of person was he, that he was so interested in the books his personal doctor used to like? Xie Qingcheng doesn’t remember He Yu ever seeming all that attached to him when he’d been a boy. In fact, he had often pushed him away. 

Xie Qingcheng picks up an old book on psychology he used to read when he wanted to brush up on things he might have forgotten. He opens it and flips through the pages, feeling the texture of the paper under his fingertips. 

When was the last time he held a book or anything that could be considered a form of entertainment? As of recently, all he could really do was cook and clean to give himself something to do. Either that, or quietly sit somewhere and occupy his mind with menial thoughts and memories of the past he wished he could return to. Though, when he did that, it wasn’t long before he began thinking of things that dampened his mood and made him feel sick. 

He Yu watches him flip through the pages. “...Do you like it?” 

Xie Qingcheng can’t tell if he’s asking if he likes the bookshelf or just that book. In any case, he doesn’t want to risk him getting angry and taking either away, and so he grunts out a noise of affirmation. 

A wide smile spreads over He Yu’s lips, as well as an expression that almost looks relieved. “I thought you would. You were always reading when you weren’t taking care of me.” 

Xie Qingcheng feels uncomfortable by the expression on He Yu’s face and focuses his attention completely on the book, resisting the urge to set it down. Holding it and having something he enjoyed with He Yu around to watch made him uncomfortable. It feels like he’s letting too much of himself be seen. 

“Your brain is a muscle. Reading both keeps you educated and helps exercise it,” Xie Qingcheng says as he tries his best to ignore He Yu’s eyes on him and goes to set the book down, moving to grab another one with a title he recognized. 

He Yu is silent for a moment. “You’ve said the same thing to me before.” 

Had he? Xie Qingcheng doesn’t remember. He had watched over He Yu for so many years. It was impossible to keep track of each and every conversation they had. 

For a while, Xie Qingcheng goes through the bookshelf, feeling comforted by holding something familiar in his hands. He starts off by flipping through all the books he’s already familiar with and then goes to look through the less familiar ones, trying to decide if he wants to read something new or find solace in the comfort of rereading something he’s already read once before. In the end, he picks one of his favorite books, running his thumb over the cover. It’s different from the cover of his own worn copy.

…It’s a little disappointing. 

He had spent a good amount of time just looking through the bookshelf and deciding what he should read, and yet He Yu still hadn’t left, continuing to silently watch him as if he had nothing better to do. Considering his habits ever since he’d locked Xie Qingcheng away, Xie Qingcheng knows that’s probably the case. 

After a while, the discomfort rises to a point where he can no longer ignore it. He turns to He Yu. “Are you just going to stand there?” 

He Yu smiles, walking over to him and wrapping an arm around his waist to pull him closer. He presses a kiss to his lips. “I was just thinking you almost looked happy.” 

Xie Qingcheng scoffs. He hasn’t felt an emotion like happiness in who knows how long. Certainly not once since he had been imprisoned in this awful place. 

From then on, He Yu begins gradually adding new things to the room. He puts a large, reclining chair in it for Xie Qingcheng to sit in when he wanted to read as well as a small desk with paper and pencils if he ever wanted to write anything, a lamp for if he wanted to read late at night. 

For the first time in a long time, Xie Qingcheng actually has something to do, something that can occupy him. The bookshelf was large and filled to the very brim. He could spend all day reading and even then it would take a while to finish everything, and so he often finds himself in the room. While He Yu still disturbed him when he was in there, it wasn’t nearly as much as when he was doing something else around the house like cooking or cleaning. 

Between sitting in the room to read and sitting under the tree in the backyard, Xie Qingcheng begins to spend most of his time in those places, always with a book in hand. This way, at least, he could become invested in knowledge or some other world and ignore what his own reality was. For at least a few hours, he didn’t have to think about what his life had turned into and could pretend he was somewhere else, anywhere else. 

Things get a little better, now that he has access to some form of entertainment. At some point, too, though Xie Qingcheng wasn’t exactly sure how, He Yu must have discovered his affinity to jellyfish, because he’d gotten him a jellyfish lamp as a gift to replace the one in the library as well as another one to put in He Yu’s room, where Xie Qingcheng spent every night sleeping by this point. 

When He Yu had given them to him, Xie Qingcheng had felt uncomfortable. Jellyfish were something deeply personal to him, something that made him calm down and helped rid him of his stress when he was worried or overwhelmed. Knowing He Yu had somehow found out about it makes him feel vulnerable. If the most vulnerable parts of his body had already been exposed over and over again, then this, it felt as if it went past his body and all the way down to his heart, exposing that, too. 

In the end, he can only take the lamps and utter a quiet thanks to appease He Yu. 

The days begin to blur together. It feels frightening to admit, but Xie Qingcheng can feel himself beginning to settle into the new normal of what had become of his life. Just how much time had passed? Days? Years? He had no way to know. 

All the while, He Yu continues to act as if they’re in some type of absurd relationship, hugging him and kissing him, treating him as if he were his wife. While at first Xie Qingcheng had only thought those thoughts wouldn’t extend too much outside of the bedroom where He Yu seemed to be possessed by some licentious demon, at some point it had extended even further, becoming even more ridiculous and absurd. 

It’s how Xie Qingcheng finds himself backed into a corner, a dark look on his face. He Yu stands in front of him, holding up a short red qipao with a slit in the side. 

“You must be out of your damn mind if you think I’m going to wear that,” Xie Qingcheng snarls. He backs away, but by this point it was impossible to back away any further, not when he was already pressed against a wall. 

He was a man. No matter if every day he was forced to spread his legs and take another man inside of him, no matter if he was kept here and treated like some kind of housewife, he was still a man. A man once divorced, a man who used to be a doctor, a man who had become a police officer. He was a nearly forty year old man! Shit, he didn’t even know how old he was anymore, he might as well already be forty depending on how long he’d been imprisoned. How could someone like him wear a dress? 

He Yu doesn’t seem put off by the rejection in the slightest, a sharp smile on his face, his eyes lustful and fierce. It was always like this, where he would be mostly tolerable at some points of the day where at others, he would turn into a beast. It happened so fast it nearly gave Xie Qingcheng whiplash and always ended with either his throat or ass painfully throbbing. 

“Ge, it’s just a dress. Surely you’ve seen one like this before? Why are you acting like I’m trying to get you to eat ants?” 

“I’d rather eat a handful of ants than put that on!”

He Yu laughs. “Don’t you know how unreasonable you sound? I could let you do that too, if you really want to.” 

This life was already humiliating enough every time He Yu pushed him against a wall or bent him over a table. Why did he have to do something like this, too? How much did he want to humiliate him? Why couldn’t he just leave him alone!? 

In the end, he might as well be living his life in the palm of He Yu’s hand. At any moment, He Yu could curl it into a fist and squash everything he cared about and held dear. 

In the end, he puts on the fucking dress. 

Even if He Yu had bought a version that could fit men, it still strains around the shoulders, riding dangerously high up his thighs until it feels like Xie Qingcheng is moments away from letting something unspeakable slip out. The silky fabric strains against his chest and makes him feel as if he can barely breathe, and he doesn’t dare to walk, knowing that as soon as he moves the dress will ride up his thighs and get rid of the entire purpose of wearing something in the first place. The slit in the side is so scandalous Xie Qingcheng can hardly bear it, going all the way up his thigh and to his waist, so that if it was even just slightly pulled open, everything would be revealed. 

While originally he had been wearing underwear, He Yu had made a grunt of disapproval and yanked it off. Now, he’s completely bare underneath, and Xie Qingcheng stiffly stands there as He Yu looks him up and down. 

His ears burn from shame and humiliation. At the same time though, He Yu has done things much worse than this to him, and so the flames in his chest had been dampened, as if he had forged the fire in the middle of a snowstorm. 

He mostly feels empty. Of course, this was his life. It was a waste of energy to get too angry. 

Thinking this, he begins to feel his anger simmer down into something more quiet, his humiliation becoming more reserved, silent, so that only he can feel the emotion within his chest. He doesn’t say anything and closes his eyes, letting He Yu look at him to his heart’s content. 

He feels disgusting. 

“Open your eyes.” 

Xie Qingcheng opens his eyes, glaring at He Yu. In a tired voice, he asks, “...Anything else?” 

“It’s funny you ask that.” He Yu grins, an intimidating look on his face, as if he’s a beast eyeing his prey. “I actually did think of something else.” 

Though Xie Qingcheng knows He Yu probably would have added whatever else he wanted to add anyway, Xie Qingcheng regrets saying anything. 

He Yu leaves for a moment, in which Xie Qingcheng can only stand there. There was no point in wasting energy trying to escape the inevitable. If he tried to take off the dress He Yu would just force it back on. 

It doesn’t take long for him to return, giddily holding thigh-high laced stockings in hand. When Xie Qingcheng sees them he feels like he wants to throw up, even more disgusted. 

He Yu hands them to him. “Put them on.” 

Xie Qingcheng stares down at the sheer fabric in his hands, feeling himself begin to just barely tremble. Knowing he doesn’t have a choice, he only hesitates for a moment before gritting his teeth and beginning to pull them on. 

He was a straight man after all, a manly man to the core, rigid and patriarchal. Never before has he ever put things like this on before, let alone even thought of doing it. As he tries to force them up his legs, he doesn’t know the proper technique and ends up tearing holes in the fabric before it even gets up to his knees. 

How was he supposed to know he was supposed to go slowly and evenly, making sure nothing was too bunched or stretched? With a frown, He Yu stalks over to him, pushing him down so that he’s sitting. 

“You’re being too rough, if you keep doing it like that you’ll rip it.” He says it as if he knows what he’s doing, moving to grab Xie Qingcheng’s leg. 

Like this with his leg raised, there’s no part of his body left to the imagination. Though He Yu has seen all parts of him an egregious amount of times by this point, it feels especially shameful now that he’s wearing a woman’s dress, such a dishonorable one at that, as if it had been specifically made for such a humiliating situation. 

He tries to yank his leg away but He Yu has an iron grip on it. “Why so shy, Doctor Xie? There’s nothing to be ashamed about. You look so sexy like this.” 

Fuck! Who gave this fucking brat permission to speak? It was a fucking tragedy there were people born with the inability to speak while others like He Yu had free reign to spout the most ridiculous and shameful things possible. 

In the end, struggling only makes the dress ride up higher, and so Xie Qingcheng ends up using one arm to keep himself steady while using the other to cover himself with the thin fabric of the dress, a dark look on his face. 

Even though He Yu had swooped in like he knew what he was doing, he was also a man who had zero experience with any women in his life and had never once actually tried to put stockings on. All his experience came from the past few minutes of watching what Xie Qingcheng was doing. Though he’s a little gentler with the fabric, he still isn’t that great at it either. By the time they’re fully on, though both of the stockings go all the way up to Xie Qingcheng’s mid thighs, they’re torn and covered in small holes. 

He Yu stares at them for a while before shaking his head with a laugh. “You know, it doesn’t look that bad. I’ve seen some girls purposely wear them like this to look cool. It’s a good style.” 

Xie Qingcheng immediately tugs his legs from He Yu’s grip, moving to quickly stand up and pulling the dress lower, feeling as if it were only just barely covering his ass. “What do you want!?” 

He wants to ask why he was even making him wear something like this in the first place, but there wouldn’t be a point. There were only so many reasons why He Yu would want to do something like this, both to humiliate him and to get himself off, because for some reason seeing a grown man in this kind of ridiculous outfit seemed to turn him on. 

Though Xie Qingcheng wants to keep his back straight, wants to keep his chin confidently pointed up, he finds that his shoulders just barely hunch inwards before he realizes they’re doing it.

He Yu wastes no time in filling the gap. He forcefully grabs Xie Qingcheng, wrapping his arms around him and pressing him into a kiss, shoving his tongue into his mouth. Xie Qingcheng shudders and goes stiff, not participating in the kiss but not pushing him away, either. In the end, if Xie Qingcheng ever got too disobedient, He Yu would just bring up Xie Xue’s name as a silent warning and Xie Qingcheng would be forced to go along with whatever it was he wanted. It was better to just do it himself and pretend he had some semblance of control over the situation than none at all. 

He Yu’s large hands go from being wrapped around his waist to trailing down his back. They lift the dress that really hadn’t been covering much of anything in the first place as he kneads his cheeks, squeezing so hard it feels as if he’ll leave bruises. Without warning, he suddenly slaps his ass, and Xie Qingcheng lets out a yelp of surprise into the kiss. 

He Yu swallows the sound, stealing Xie Qingcheng of his breath as he presses and kneads against the stinging spot he’d just smacked.

When he pulls away, he sounds breathless. “Ge, you look so good like this. You really seem like my wife.”

The feeling of being spanked like a disobedient child is so humiliating that for a moment Xie Qingcheng doesn’t perceive what he’s saying. As soon as he does, the look on his face worsens, and he goes to turn his head away. He’s hardly able to twist it a few degrees before He Yu shoves him against the wall, pressing his lips to his own again. 

He nibbles and bites at Xie Qingcheng’s lips, at some point biting down so harshly it draws blood. When Xie Qingcheng cringes, He Yu laps up the blood as if as an apology, grinding against his front and grabbing one of Xie Qingcheng’s thighs to hold up his leg. 

Xie Qingcheng feels himself losing balance, but He Yu is pressed against him so closely that it would be impossible to fall. The temperature in the room seems to rise as He Yu shoves and grinds against him, kissing him so deeply it seemed as if he was determined to make him run out of air. On both of their tongues is the metallic taste of iron, obscene squelching noises falling from the connection of their mouths. 

Such intense kissing, no matter how many times it’s happened, was still something Xie Qingcheng couldn’t properly get used to. Each time it happened it felt as if he was losing all the air in his lungs, and with how persistent He Yu was, it was nearly impossible to separate and get a proper breath in. He ends up frantically gulping in air, his chest wildly rising up and down as he shoves against He Yu’s shoulders to try and get him to pull away for a second. 

When he finally pulls away Xie Qingcheng gasps for air, turning his head to the side and gulping in heaving breaths. He feels his vision going slightly hazy, his normally carefully-styled hair falling into his eyes. So close to him that their noses touch is He Yu, who gazes at him with dark, passionate eyes, as if he wants to devour him whole. 

Before Xie Qingcheng can properly catch his breath he kisses him again, somehow harder, fiercer this time, to the point where Xie Qingcheng almost feels as if he’s being devoured, consumed. He Yu grabs his chin and forces him to stay in place while his other hand runs from his ass towards his front, reaching for his cock from under the fabric of the dress. 

Xie Qingcheng jolts. Despite how many times He Yu has done this to him, his own pleasure was usually ignored. It was for the better, Xie Qingcheng thought. If there was one thing worse than the pain, then it was the potential for feeling any pleasure. It would feel as if even his body was betraying him, forcing him to feel sensations he didn’t want to feel, couldn’t stand feeling. 

If he had been pushing against He Yu’s shoulders before, then he shoves at them even more frantically now, thrashing enough that he’s finally able to get his mouth free. A thin line of saliva connects his and He Yu’s separated lips. He Yu’s are swollen and red, his cheeks flushed as he stares down at Xie Qingcheng. 

Xie Qingcheng gasps for air. “You… fucking, let that go… don’t touch me…” 

At that, He Yu squeezes him harder, running a finger over the slit of his cock and just barely digging his fingernail into it. Xie Qingcheng jolts, his legs shaking as He Yu lowly murmurs, “Why? But Ge, you seem to be enjoying this. You’re hard.”

Xie Qingcheng’s eyes widen in disgust when he finds it’s really true. Looking down, he sees that he’s fully erect, his cock pushing up the fabric of the dress so that nothing was left to the imagination anymore. At the realization that his body could possibly be enjoying this, he suddenly feels sick and can’t bear to look at it for any longer, shoving against He Yu’s chest. 

“Let… let go of me! He Yu–” 

“Why should I let go when you seem to be feeling so good? That seems like it would be a waste.” 

He Yu seems excited as he begins to stroke Xie Qingcheng faster, his own breaths ragged. Xie Qingcheng makes a stuttered noise before sealing his lips shut as He Yu continues to jerk him off, twisting his hand and moving it up and down. It was as if he carried lube wherever he went. At some point when they’d been kissing he’d coated his hand in it. With each movement of his hand, a wet squelch rings out, and Xie Qingcheng finds himself shivering, from shame, from repulsion, from arousal, he doesn’t know. 

The unwanted pleasure is horrible, worse than the pain he usually felt, and yet he can’t escape it. At the same time He Yu jerks him off, he keeps him pressed against the wall, using his free hand to reach around Xie Qingcheng and sink two fingers inside him, slowly thrusting in and out. 

Xie Qingcheng refuses to make noise, even when every time a spot inside of him is grazed it feels like sparks are being shot through his body. He Yu starts kissing him again, and he’s almost grateful for it, if only because it makes it a little less difficult to hold in the noises that want to jump from his throat and out of his chest. He squeezes his eyes shut. 

He hates this. He hates feeling these sensations, hates that his body is betraying him like this, but what can he do? He could only endure and wait for it to end. 

It doesn’t take long before Xie Qingcheng begins to feel himself getting close, being stimulated from both the inside and the outside. He tries his hardest to think of the worst things possible to stave off the orgasm, tries to remember the awful things He Yu has done to people, tries to remember how much pain he’d been in after he’d gotten into the car accident, tries to remember the way it had felt as if his heart had burst into a thousand shattered pieces when Xie Xue was little and cried for their parents to come home after they’d passed. 

And yet, no matter how hard he tries and how fortified his mind is, Xie Qingcheng’s body is still flesh and blood, still just like the body of any other person. He could still feel pain just like he could feel pleasure, and he seizes, squeezing his eyes even further shut to where spots of color dance his vision as an explosion of pleasure travels up his groin. His hips violently shudder, his hole clenching and unclenching. 

He Yu pulls away to let him breathe, and Xie Qingcheng pants, feeling both exhausted and disgusted in himself. When He Yu goes to tilt his chin upward, Xie Qingcheng wearily opens his eyes to see that the blush dusting He Yu’s cheeks is even deeper, a satisfied, lustful look on his face. 

He raises his hand, filthy with Xie Qingcheng’s cum. 

“Ge, look,” he quietly says, smiling. “You came.” 

Xie Qingcheng feels the shame growing worse. He takes in a shuddered breath.

“Did it feel good, being jerked off by me?” 

When he doesn’t answer, unable to make eye contact, He Yu greedily kisses him again. Xie Qingcheng is half relieved for the distraction, only to let out a gasped noise of surprise when he’s suddenly flipped around, his face shoved into the wall. 

Coughing, he turns his head to the side so that he can breathe, his legs trembling as He Yu grabs his hips and pulls him back so that his ass is sticking out. For a moment, Xie Qingcheng is in a daze from having just came, tired, and so he doesn’t immediately realize He Yu is still planning on fucking him. 

When he does, he finds himself beginning to grow fearful. He had just came, he couldn’t… 

“He Yu… W… wait,” Xie Qingcheng rasps out, moving a hand back to push against He Yu’s thighs, but He Yu simply grabs it and moves it away.

He runs his hands along the curve of Xie Qingcheng’s waist down to his thighs, lifting the red dress out of the way so that his entire ass is exposed, although it was a joke to say it had properly been covering anything in the first place. His hand is still sticky with Xie Qingcheng’s cum as his fingers go back to Xie Qingcheng’s hole, pushing some of it inside. 

“Ge, how does it feel having your own cum inside of you? You’re opening up so easily,” He Yu lowly asks, his breath heavy. 

Xie Qingcheng trembles. He tries to move his hips away but He Yu only presses his fingers in even deeper, scissoring them, and he stifles a gasp. 

For a few more moments, He Yu eagerly fingers him open, twisting and stretching his fingers inside of him, but there was only so long his patience could last. It’s as if he’s in a rush, as if if he didn’t fuck Xie Qingcheng as soon as possible he’d suddenly disappear and he’d never have the chance again. He breathes heavily as he pulls his fingers out with a squelch and grabs a hold of Xie Qingcheng’s waist, roughly slapping his ass again. 

It’s in the same spot as last time and stings even more, feels just as humiliating. He Yu doesn’t waste much more time messing around before he lines himself up, beginning to push himself inside with a gasp. 

Xie Qingcheng harshly bites his lip, his hands scabbling against the wall as the sensation of being stretched open, being filled to the brim, overwhelms him. He still hadn’t completely recovered from his previous orgasm, still sensitive. As He Yu begins to thrust into him without restraint, moving his hips as if it’s some sort of sustenance keeping him alive, an awful feeling of too much fills Xie Qingcheng. 

Never before has Xie Qingcheng felt such an overwhelming sensation. Each thrust makes an explosion of both pain and pleasure shoot through somewhere deep inside of him, and he squirms, wanting to escape from it but not being able to. His mouth drops open, his legs shaking so violently he can barely keep himself up. 

He Yu seems to notice him slipping because he shoves himself closer so that Xie Qingcheng is no longer leaning against the wall, but rather, completely pressed into it. He wraps his arms around him from behind, their entire bodies practically connected to one another as He Yu frantically moves his hips back and forth, panting. 

“You feel so good…fuck, ah, get pregnant, wife…” 

It’s too much. The sensation is too much, too overwhelming. Xie Qingcheng’s breath is ragged, his vision flickering as he’s shoved against the wall over and over again, his body forced back and forth with each and every one of He Yu’s thrusts. It feels like he really might breathe his last there right against the wall, all while being fucked by someone thirteen years his junior while wearing a woman’s dress. 

“He Yu… He Yu, no more, stop it… please, I–” Xie Qingcheng gasps out, clawing at the wall, but that only seems to spur He Yu on. If it’s even possible, he thrusts even faster, going so deep inside it feels as if he's filling his stomach before quickly pulling out again, over and over, until Xie Qingcheng feels as if he’s going to go crazy. 

He Yu’s voice is breathless as he tightly clutches onto Xie Qingcheng’s sweaty body. “Wife… fuck, call my name again like that… ah.” 

It’s as if he doesn’t care that Xie Qingcheng had only just come, chasing his own release. Xie Qingcheng is horrified to find that he’s hard again, his cock painfully throbbing, dripping precum as it rubs against the wall. With each and every deep thrust hitting a certain part of him that makes him feel like he’s dying, he grows even harder, and before Xie Qingcheng even realizes it he feels himself getting close again. 

By this point, he can no longer keep an iron gate to his lips, can no longer completely stop the noises from leaving his body as he convulses, crying out as he cums again. And yet, He Yu doesn’t stop. He just keeps going, he just keeps going, and the overstimulation is even more painful than before, even more overwhelming. Xie Qingcheng scrabbles and claws at the wall, gasping out pleas for He Yu to stop, for him to at least slow down, to please just let him go. 

Before he realizes it, tears begin to slip down his cheeks and off his chin. New tears follow the path of the first ones as he’s pounded into so thoroughly and deeply it feels as if he’s lost all control of the entirety of his lower body. 

Finally, finally, He Yu reaches his peak after who knows how long of slamming into Xie Qingcheng as if he wanted to break him into pieces. He holds Xie Qingcheng’s waist even more tightly as he lowly groans and thrusts in as deep as he can go, his hips shuddering and jerking. 

He cums deep inside, so deep it feels as if he would never be able to get all of it out, and Xie Qingcheng weakly pants against the wall as He Yu recovers from the orgasm, slowly thrusting while just barely pulling out, nuzzling his face into the crook of Xie Qingcheng’s neck. 

Xie Qingcheng feels his vision going dark, blurry. His legs won’t stop shaking.

Chapter Text

He Yu really was a demon. After cumming the first time he had gone on for two more rounds, until Xie Qingcheng really couldn’t even stand up anymore, so exhausted he could barely keep his eyes open. In the end, he’d had to be carried by He Yu, held in his arms and shoved up against the wall as if he weighed nothing more than a piece of paper. 

He hadn’t even been able to properly walk to the bathroom to clean himself afterwards, his legs trembling so badly it was difficult to walk. He Yu had laughed, picking him up and bringing him there himself. It’s how Xie Qingcheng finds himself sitting in He Yu’s lap, submerged by warm soapy water in the bathtub. 

While normally he would despise being in a situation like this, he really is so tired he can barely keep his eyes open, his head tilting to the side. He Yu laughs as he cleans him off, scrubbing his legs and thighs. “Xie Ge, stay awake for a little longer. You can go to sleep once I’m done.” 

“...Who’s falling asleep? You must be imagining things,” Xie Qingcheng grunts. 

His legs continue to shake. It feels nice to be submerged in the warm water though, relaxes his tense muscles, and he closes his eyes as he breathes in the slight minty smell from the soap. He jerks in surprise when He Yu dips a finger into him, but He Yu only rubs circles on his leg and whispers into his ear that he’s just getting the mess out. 

…This demon, acting like he was being so helpful when he was the one who had decided to cum inside in the first place. Xie Qingcheng ignores the uncomfortable sensation made worse by how sore he is and instead focuses on relaxing his mind and simply thinking of nothing at all. 

It doesn’t take long for He Yu to finish cleaning him up. When he does, there’s the slight sound of splashing and water being disturbed as he wraps his arms around Xie Qingcheng, nuzzling against his back and kissing a spot on the nape of his neck. Xie Qingcheng shivers. 

“...You look so sexy in a dress, Ge,” He Yu breathes against his neck. “I should get you things like that to wear more often.” 

“Stop saying ridiculous things.” 

“Who knew a man could look so good in a dress? With the stockings, too… even though they ripped, they still looked really good.” 

Xie Qingcheng can’t tell if He Yu is talking to him or just speaking to himself, cooking up some awful, perverted plan in his mind. Whatever the case, Xie Qingcheng doesn’t feel like thinking about it and putting dread for the inevitable into his heart just yet, and so he chooses to pretend he doesn’t know what He Yu might be planning, trying to force himself to stay awake. 

With the warmth of the water and the steam drifting through the room as well as the heat of He Yu pressed against him, Xie Qingcheng finds it even more difficult to stay awake. His eyelids slide shut before wearily fluttering open again when he realizes he’d let them close. 

He Yu runs a finger over his chest, tracing along the faint lines of Xie Qingcheng’s abdomen before resting his palm flat against his lower belly. “There was so much of me inside. It almost feels like you’re going to get pregnant.”

Xie Qingcheng weakly swats his hand away from under the water. “Are you still talking about such absurd things? A man can’t get pregnant.”

“There are stranger things in the world. Maybe it really is possible.” 

Xie Qingcheng scoffs. “If I ever give birth to your child, I’ll give you the entirety of my bank account and the house in Moyu alley. I’ll even fucking wear another dress.” 

Despite saying it purely because of how ridiculous it would be for him to ever actually get pregnant, he was a man, after all, He Yu’s voice rises in excitement. “Really?” 

At the sound of excited anticipation in his voice, Xie Qingcheng finds himself feeling a little disgusted. He doesn’t reply. 

Seeing as he doesn’t respond, He Yu shifts a little so that he’s holding Xie Qingcheng even tighter. He sounds slightly breathless. “If you really mean it then it might be better to start trying again now. These things can take a long time, you know.” 

That terrifying proposal partially snaps Xie Qingcheng out of the tired haze he’d been in. “Are you even human? How do you still want to go another round?” 

“How could I not want to when Ge looks so sexy?” He Yu murmurs. 

“You do realize you’re talking about a thirty year old man, don’t you?” 

He Yu presses a kiss at the corner where his shoulders meet the neck. “…So what? I’ll say what I want. It’s not like it isn’t true.” 

Sighing, Xie Qingcheng sinks further into the water and tries to ignore how a certain part of He Yu stays pressed against his ass. Though it isn’t hard, Xie Qingcheng knows that if he moved around too much and roused that monstrous thing he would be in for another round of torment. As a man, his body simply wasn’t made for so much pounding. It felt like something inside him was really being messed up every time it happened, made him feel as if he were going to die of exhaustion after having all the life sucked out of him by this demon that might as well be a succubus. 

Silence settles over the room. Every so often when one of them moves there’s the slight swish of the water, and as the time goes on, the temperature goes from comfortably warm to room temperature. 

He Yu is the one to break the silence. He must be in a good mood because his voice is light as he hugs Xie Qingcheng and rests his chin on his shoulder. “...What are you going to make for dinner?” 

Xie Qingcheng doesn’t feel like even opening his eyes. His voice is dull. flat. “I haven’t decided yet.” 

“There’s some leftover wontons in the fridge. Can you make something with those?” 

It’s not as if Xie Qingcheng had any say in the matter. He grunts out an affirmative noise.

“Hm…” He Yu hums, and Xie Qingcheng can feel the vibrations from his bare chest against his back. “I also want meat.”

“There isn’t any in the fridge.” 

“...Really?” He Yu smacks his lips, silent for a while. “Whatever, I’ll just get some later. Would chicken or pork be best?”

“Just get whatever you want.” 

Despite his best efforts to stay awake, Xie Qingcheng really does feel too exhausted. He was getting older and his health was getting worse. He couldn’t keep up with the sexual desires of a kid in his twenties, it was really too much for him to handle. It was a miracle he had managed to stay up for so long in the first place, especially when something like soaking in a warm bath was usually something that relaxed him. 

It sounds as if He Yu might be saying something more to him but he can’t be sure as he feels himself going limp. 

***

Ever since He Yu had gotten Xie Qingcheng the bookshelf and allowed him some form of entertainment, Xie Qingcheng spent a lot less time cleaning things and spent most of the day reading, even delving into books he normally wouldn’t touch out of boredom. Even if he enjoyed reading though, some days he simply didn’t feel like it. In any case, his eyes were gradually getting worse. 

With how bad his vision had deteriorated, everything was blurry and his eyes constantly hurt. He doesn’t remember the last time he’d been able to truly see things clearly. If he had been on his own he would have gone to an eye doctor a while ago and gotten himself a better prescription as well as a pair of glasses, but with the way things were, he couldn’t do that. He doubted He Yu would let him out and disable the device in him just so he could go to the eye doctor of all things. That was with the assumption that the shocking device could be disabled in the first place. 

Reading so often and constantly having a book so close to his face probably wasn’t helping anything. As Xie Qingcheng gazes at the blurry page in front of him, he finds that his eyes had begun to throb, and so he decides to put the book down and leave the library that had become a sort of sanctuary, if he could even call it that. No place in this house was really his, was really safe, but he could almost trick himself into believing that it was. In any case, He Yu usually messed with him less often when he was in there reading. 

Since he doesn’t feel like sleeping and doesn’t want to cook anything, the next productive thing he thinks to do is clean. There isn’t much else to do, and so he starts off by sweeping the hallway since it was generally the area that got the least amount of attention when cleaning. 

He thinks of nothing in particular as he sweeps, his mind completely blank as he focuses on the task of moving the broom back and forth, back and forth. At a certain point He Yu suddenly comes and wraps his arms around his waist, and he’d been so absorbed in the task that he jerks in surprise and nearly drops the damn broom. 

“I’m gonna go out,” He Yu says, turning Xie Qingcheng’s head around so that he can press a kiss to his lips. “I should be back soon.” 

He kisses him again before leaving, waving and locking the door behind himself. Xie Qingcheng stares at the door for a while after he closes it, feeling something strange turn in his gut. 

Though he’d been hiding it well and acting as if everything was normal, Xie Qingcheng hadn’t missed the distracted look in He Yu’s eyes, nor had he missed the way he seemed preoccupied with something. In fact, he almost appeared annoyed. 

Though in the beginning of when He Yu had started imprisoning Xie Qingcheng he’d often left to go out somewhere, maybe it was Xie Qingcheng just imagining things, but he seemed to be going out more often now, often with the same stressed out look on his face. 

Why? 

At first Xie Qingcheng has the worry that he might be taking more victims, but if that were the case, He Yu wouldn’t have such a look on his face. Not when bloodlust and violence were things that calmed him down when he was feeling restless. If something outside was stressing him out, then… 

Something like anticipation and hope spikes in Xie Qingcheng’s heart. 

After who knows how long of being imprisoned, he had begun to lose hope that anyone would ever be able to find him. He didn’t doubt that people were looking for him, but he also knew not to underestimate He Yu’s abilities. He Yu was smart, and it had already been difficult enough to figure out he was the person behind the Huzhou murders in the first place. They had really only been able to meet him face to face because he had been toying with them. If he really hadn’t wanted to get caught, then it’s likely he wouldn’t have. 

Though Xie Qingcheng had held out hope in the beginning, thinking that someone might eventually find him, that hope had begun to dwindle, until eventually it was only just barely there, like a cookie that had been devoured by a horde of hungry ants until only a few crumbs were left. 

Xie Qingcheng had been there for so long that, terrifyingly enough, he felt himself beginning to grow used to living like this. If people really were on He Yu’s trail, though… if they were really getting close enough that He Yu looked so worried… 

For the first time since his failed escape, Xie Qingcheng finds himself thinking about the possibility of realistically being able to get out. 

He thinks about what it would be like to go outside past the confines of the yard and the fences. He thinks about seeing everyone he loves again, seeing Xie Xue. He thinks about being able to go back to his own home in Moyu alley, no matter how small and rickety it was, and laying on the couch, being able to just close his eyes and rest in his own home. He thinks about a life where he didn't have to move to the whims of a kid thirteen years his junior. 

Was a life like that still waiting for him? Was it still even possible?

He tells himself it isn’t helping anyone to get his hopes up. He remembers how it had felt last time escape had been so close, so tangible he could reach his fingers out and have it graze his fingertips, only to have it violently torn away from him before he’d been able to reach it. That feeling of despair and emptiness, it was crushing. 

But what if there really was a reason to have hope? He trusted in his partners and the police. He believed in their abilities, and while He Yu was smart, it’s not as if they were idiots, either. He knew them not to be incompetent. 

Xie Qingcheng sighs, tightening his grip around the wooden handle of the broom as he looks down at the small pile of dirt and dust he’d made. It was entirely possible he had misinterpreted the look on He Yu’s face and he was really just worried about something like forgetting to pay the water bill on time or missing out on a good deal in the store. And yet, Xie Qingcheng can’t stop himself from hoping, even when he tries to stamp down the feeling. 

Hope only led to disappointment. 

Without hope, there was no disappointment. 

That was the way the world was. That was the philosophy he wanted to follow. What he needed to follow. To stay sane, a life without hope was a better life than one filled with disappointment after disappointment. To reach that point was to fall into a hole of despair difficult to climb out of. 

He didn’t have the strength to climb anymore. There was only so much more he could take. 

Xie Qingcheng walks down the length of the hallway, sweeping up what remains of the dust and dirt before going over everything with a mop. From there he decides he might as well go through the rooms and clean them as well, and so he goes to do that. He starts with the library, dusting and wiping down the bookshelf as well as cleaning the window that had gotten a little dusty. 

All the while, as he cleans, he tries to focus entirely on the act of cleaning itself rather than the thoughts that lay dormant in the back of his mind, struggling to push to the forefront. It’s through luck that he was already someone who had experience in reigning in his thoughts and emotions, and so it isn’t too difficult to keep himself from thinking about unwanted things, especially when he had something to do with his hands. 

The next room he moves to is He Yu’s room, but there really isn’t much to do in there, either. Since Xie Qingcheng spent so much time in it he couldn’t stand for it to be dirty and already cleaned it often. It’s not as if He Yu was a sloppy person either, and so all Xie Qingcheng really has to do is dust off the shelves and windowsill. 

The last place that’s really left to clean is the office. At first, Xie Qingcheng plans to skip it since he didn’t really want to mess with any papers and have He Yu do something unreasonable as retaliation. As he looks around though, he finds that it’s a little more disorderly than it had been the last time he’d been inside, which, admittedly, was a while ago. In the end, he decides he might as well tidy it up. It’s not as if he had anything else to do. 

Being in the office like this originally piqued his interest since it meant possibly finding something that could be used as evidence, or at least, something interesting to look through. He had already looked through pretty much everything the first time he’d been inside though, and he hadn’t found anything particularly incriminating or interesting. It had really just been a lot of old assignments and notes from when He Yu had been in school along with pages of code he couldn’t understand. 

He cleans the office as normal, sweeping the floor and tidying up some of the slightly disorganized papers into a pile, dusting off the desk when he’s done. Right when he’s about to leave though, determining the job as done, the sight of a file cabinet in the corner of his eye catches his attention. 

The file cabinet itself isn’t strange. It’s in the exact same spot it had been in when Xie Qingcheng had come into the room before, perfectly unassuming. The only difference this time is that it’s slightly ajar, just barely open, as if He Yu had been in a rush and hadn’t taken the time to close it properly. 

At that moment, Xie Qingcheng feels as if something is slightly off. If he remembered correctly and if his memory wasn’t failing him, the last time he had tried to open this same file cabinet, it had been locked. 

Why would someone lock something if it wasn't something they felt the need to hide? 

Xie Qingcheng sets the duster down on the desk and pulls the file cabinet open, preparing for the worst. Though he had half been suspecting some absurd thing like a human head or a pile of teeth, there really are just files inside. Not an egregious amount, but enough to think they must mean something. 

He grabs one file, flipping it open and looking at the papers inside. 

He almost drops it in shock. 

Right on the top of the page is the name of He Yu’s first victim: Chen Baihu. He was a business owner who owned a small grocery store, one of the types that was mostly just used locally by people living in the neighborhood. Out of all the victims He Yu had taken, his death had been one of the most tame, as he’d only been stabbed three times. Once in the arm, once in the back as he’d seemingly tried to run away, and one last time in the heart, the killing blow. 

Disturbingly enough, these exact details are printed out on the paper, as if He Yu was keeping track of each of his victims and how they died. Xie Qingcheng had already seen information like it in the files from when he’d been investigating the case. What takes him most off guard are the letters printed in red just under Chen Baihu’s picture. 

S.O

There’s no further explanation, no clarifying sentences, just two English letters: S.O

S.O? What did that mean? Why was it in English? Xie Qingcheng finds his brain going into overdrive as he stares down at the bright red, bolded letters. They must mean something. There must be a reason there was so much emphasis on them, but the letters were in English. Was it because He Yu had realized Xie Qingcheng might find these files and so had used a language he didn’t understand? 

Feeling unsettled and confused, Xie Qingcheng begins flipping through each paper in the folder, finding that each have information about the victim, how they had died, and a short summary of their life as well as a picture of them in the upper-left hand corner, looking like a candid shot someone had taken on their phone. Without fail, under each picture in bolded bright red lettering is some kind of descriptor. 

S.O, D.V, S.O children, H.C, C.P. 

Throughout the English letters printed out, one set of letters has Chinese next to it, and Xie Qingcheng latches on to the clue: “Children.” There were multiple uses of the letters S.O throughout the files, but there was one case where those letters had “children” written after them. He knew enough English to know that all the letters were probably acronyms for something. What acronym would make sense to have the world “children” after it? 

At the very least, Xie Qingcheng is familiar with enough English and had watched enough police dramas with Xie Xue to feel confident that D.V stood for domestic violence. Though he wasn’t entirely sure if he was remembering correctly, it didn't seem entirely out of place in this context. If he was correct, he could infer that the rest of the acronyms also likely stood for other types of crimes, in which case having the word “children” coming after an acronym would make sense, as crimes against children were often classified as such. 

But then… What did that mean? 

Xie Qingcheng finds himself feeling even more lost as he flips through each file about the victims. Even if He Yu was categorizing these people as these things, no matter how much Xie Qingcheng racks his brain, he doesn’t remember the victims having such histories. Though he didn’t know what most of the acronyms meant, assuming they were all referring to a type of crime, it didn’t make sense why they’d be on He Yu’s files of these people. Aside from a few minor instances like petty theft, he didn’t recall any of He Yu’s victims having a criminal record. 

For a few of them the accusations could seem believable, such as a victim who lived in an area where a child had been abducted years back, or another victim who only had limited visitation with their children. There wasn’t any solid proof for any of them though, and the extensive research Xie Qingcheng and his team had done regarding the victims hadn’t turned up anything like this. Why would He Yu have this information? How? Was it even accurate? Or was it purely hearsay, a sort of countermeasure to give if this house was ever found out and he could point to these papers and use them to say that he really hadn’t been that wrong, that really, the victims had deserved it? But if that were the case, why would he use English terms? 

The things He Yu had done to some of these people were fates Xie Qingcheng wouldn’t wish on even his worst enemy, and yet he still finds his view faltering, just barely. Up until this point and throughout the entirety of when he’d been investigating, he had believed the victims had been completely innocent. That they had been normal people who had been in the wrong place at the wrong time, having the misfortune of meeting He Yu when he was at his worst and out of his mind from a flare up, controlled by bloodlust. 

And yet, it seemed as if He Yu had done extensive research about these people and had come to his own conclusions. What was real? Was this information truly accurate? Even if it was, it didn’t change the fact that He Yu had murdered them, in horrible ways. For what reason did he have to do this? Was he trying to punish them for their crimes and taking advantage of the fact that they were criminals? At the same time though, there was no proof. It was as if he had specifically chosen people that had not a bad word about them. 

There was also the fact that Xie Qingcheng still wasn’t even entirely sure if he was right about what the letters meant. They might not even be acronyms at all. Or, if they were acronyms, he could have their meanings completely off. He didn’t have the ability to fact check himself and see if he was right or not. 

Xie Qingcheng doesn’t know what to think. He looks through each and every file on each victim, reading about them and repeatedly looking over each bolded set of letters under their name, his mind racing. He wants to ask He Yu what the hell this all meant, and yet he doesn’t know what would happen if he were to do so. 

To begin with, this was He Yu’s office he was looking through without his knowledge, and this file cabinet in particular had originally been locked. It was entirely by chance that he had found it open with how rarely he ever came in there. If He Yu knew he was looking through his things, how would he react? Would he lash out? Would he deny everything and not reveal anything at all? 

There was also the fact that even if it was all true, even if some of the victims were criminals themselves, He Yu was still a murderer. Even if some had done awful things, the things He Yu had done to them in turn… Morally, he was a murderer, and in the eyes of the law, he was a murderer. If he got caught, he would still die by the death penalty. 

It was unlikely for anything to change even if He Yu told him what all of this was about. It’s what Xie Qingcheng knows, and yet it still feels like he has to ask He Yu. This was just too fucking strange to ignore. Why did He Yu have these presumably incriminating letters next to the faces of his victims when most of the victims didn’t have a single stain on their record, socially or legally? In fact, as it stood, Xie Qingcheng probably had worse things about himself out there on the internet than most of these people. 

He looks everything over again and again to the point that he begins to get a headache on top of his eyes already being sore. Knowing that staring at the papers won't give him any answers and will only make his headache worse, he rearranges the files back to where they had originally been and sets them back into their folder, closing the file cabinet and leaning back, taking in a long breath. 

In the end, he decides it’s too serious to ignore. Despite the consequences it might bring, he feels like he has to ask He Yu what the hell this was all about. 

He Yu had said he’d be back soon, and so Xie Qingcheng goes to the living room and sits down on the couch, waiting, his mind racing. 

It was already strange enough that He Yu had a collection of files like that in the first place, especially with how odd it was that the information he had didn’t align with the information the police had, but there was also the fact that the file cabinet with that information had been open. Meaning, He Yu had only just recently been looking through those files. 

He had recently been looking through the files, left in such a rush he forgot to close the file cabinet properly, and had a slightly stressed expression on his face. From what Xie Qingcheng knew, He Yu hadn’t taken any more victims for as long as he’d started keeping Xie Qingcheng imprisoned and hadn’t had any flare ups in a while, either. Why would he be looking through those files in the first place? What had he seen that had shaken him up like that? Or was he being troubled by something else entirely? 

Maybe Xie Qingcheng was thinking about this wrong, too linearly. He has assumed that because He Yu had rushed out with the file cabinet open, something from the files had distressed him, but maybe that thinking was wrong. Maybe while he’d been looking through the files, he had gotten an alert of some type or had seen something on his phone that had made him leave so suddenly. 

This all felt strange. And yet, as Xie Qingcheng anxiously waits for He Yu to come back, watching the front door, it never opens. Even as it begins to get dark out there’s still no sign of He Yu coming back anytime soon. 

Usually when He Yu said he’d be home soon he was just going out to buy groceries or toilet paper, menial things like that. Him not immediately coming home and staying out for so many hours makes Xie Qingcheng think he must have been lying. Or, if not lying, that he had been caught up in something else. 

Xie Qingcheng waits for a long time, but still, He Yu doesn’t come home. He even falls asleep on the couch, blearily opening his eyes to find that it’s morning by the time he wakes up. When he looks out the window to see if He Yu’s car is there though, all he finds is an empty driveway. 

…Even after a full day he still hadn’t come back. Just where the hell was he? Had he stayed somewhere else for the night? 

At first, Xie Qingcheng thinks he’d only momentarily been held up by something and that he’d probably be back soon. Days pass though, until eventually an entire week goes by, and yet still, He Yu is nowhere to be seen. 

Xie Qingcheng’s anxiety grows, a multitude of scenarios outlining what might have happened swirling throughout his mind. He thinks about the possibility of He Yu having been in the beginning of a flare up without Xie Qingcheng realizing and going out to release his bloodlust. Then he begins to wonder if rather than something like that, He Yu had actually been caught and was being kept in jail right now. He finds that scenario just as worrying as the first; No one knew where Xie Qingcheng was. If He Yu never came back, he’d end up starving to death. Although, if it truly meant that He Yu was caught, he would be able to accept an ending like that with the reassurance that no more people would be hurt by He Yu. 

Where was he? The last time he’d been gone for so long, it had been when he’d discovered the video of Xie Qingcheng, but even then, more time had passed this time. With how weirdly clingy He Yu liked to be, though it made him uncomfortable to admit, He Yu didn’t seem like he would want to be separated from Xie Qingcheng for too long, having some kind of toxic dependency because of the time when he’d been his doctor. It feels like something must have really happened to have kept him away for so many days. 

Xie Qingcheng finds himself cursing the bad timing of it all. He had only just figured out that something more might be going on with He Yu and the victims he had taken, and now this? Though he had been planning on asking He Yu what all that had been about, now, he was starting to wonder if he would ever get the chance. 

It’s after who knows how many days that Xie Qingcheng hears it. 

He’s resting on the couch, a book he had fallen asleep reading held loosely in his hand. In his half-asleep half-awake state, he hears the sound of a car door opening as well as noises resembling footsteps approaching the front door. He describes them as only having a resemblance, as they don’t sound normal, but rather, as if someone is dragging their feet and not walking evenly. 

As soon as Xie Qingcheng processes what’s happening and what exactly it is he’s hearing, he’s immediately wide awake, shooting up from the couch. He sets the book to the side, quickly walking over to the door with a sour expression, about to demand He Yu where the hell he had been for so many days. 

Just as he reaches the door, it swings open, and Xie Qingcheng’s mouth freezes around the sound of He Yu’s name. His eyes go wide in shock.

“...Chen Man?”

Chapter Text

“...Chen Man?” 

If Xie Qingcheng’s eyes had gone wide, then Chen Man’s might as well bulge out of their sockets. 

He looks as if he’d been beaten half to death. Blood crusts over his face like he’d been smacked in the head with something, with some even dripping into one of his eyes that had been swollen to hell. His footsteps are unsteady, his hair disheveled and caked with blood. If He Yu wasn’t holding him up it wasn’t clear whether he’d even be able to stand at all.

Despite having a gag shoved into his mouth to prevent him from making too much noise, animalistic grunts escape Chen Men as he continues staring at Xie Qingcheng, thousands of emotions seeming to flash through his eyes in an instant. Relief, surprise, shock, horror, confusion, they’re all there are Chen Men struggles against He Yu’s grip. His arms tightly bound behind his back make the effort useless. 

He Yu has him grabbed by the back of his neck and shoulders. An irritated expression lines his face, a dark look in his eyes as his gaze pierces through Xie Qingcheng. 

“Get out of the way,” he growls.

Xie Qingcheng doesn’t move. He can only stiffly stand in the doorway, in shock. He’d considered that with how stressed He Yu had been acting lately there was a chance the police were on his tail, but he hadn’t let himself put too much hope in the idea. 

And yet, there was someone here . If He Yu had captured him, Chen Man must have been close to figuring out where this house was. Maybe it wasn’t even that he was just close, but that he had found this location and had been grabbed by He Yu before he could do anything substantial with the information.

But why was Chen Man by himself? How had he managed to get captured? This fucking kid, had he been working alone trying to find him without thinking of the risks? How had he let himself get into such a situation? 

Just as He Yu looks a little scuffed with a split lip and slight bruising on his face, Chen Man is in awful shape. It’s clear there had been an altercation between the two and Chen Man had only lost after giving his all, until he could barely even walk. Xie Qingcheng feels his chest filling with worry, panic, as he looks Chen Man over. Cold sweat covers the entirety of his back. 

“He Yu, what the hell is this? Why is Chen Man here?” Xie Qingcheng bites out when he can finally find words, reaching towards Chen Man in a panic, but He Yu smacks his hand away. 

His voice is low. “I won’t tell you again, Xie Qingcheng. Get out of the way.” 

For the first time in a long time, He Yu seems truly pissed off, having lost his composure. His eyes nearly seem to flash red as he fixes a burning look to Xie Qingcheng. Xie Qingcheng swallows.

There had been things he’d wanted to ask him, important things. Right now though, none of that was important anymore. What was important was that he had captured and brought Chen Man here. Chen Man was his captive.

Chen Man. As soon as Chen Man had seen Xie Qingcheng he hadn’t once taken his eyes away, and they bulge as he continues uselessly trying to say something through his gag. 

Xie Qingcheng’s hands clench into fists as he directs his attention to He Yu. His panic of seeing Chen Man grows worse as the implications of what this meant begin to settle in.

“What the fuck are you doing? Why did you bring him here!? Let him go!” he yells. He can’t mask the fear in his voice.

Despite himself, Xie Qingcheng suddenly feels afraid. More afraid than he’s felt in a long time. Because this place, this house out in the middle of nowhere that he’s been held prisoner in, it was the location where most of the murders He Yu had committed had taken place. Though it couldn’t be proven, it wouldn’t be illogical to assume that every person who was taken to this house would eventually be brutally murdered. 

For as long as Xie Qingcheng had been a prisoner there had been no more victims, but here Chen Man was, being held captive. What the hell did He Yu want with him? 

No matter how much he thinks about it, Xie Qingcheng can’t come to any conclusion other than that whatever He Yu was planning to do bringing him here, there wouldn’t be a good ending for Chen Man.

If he had known He Yu since he was only a little boy, then the same went for Chen Man. After his brother had died Xie Qingcheng had made sure to look after the troubled child who had lost his way, knowing how difficult it was to lose family. Maybe it was largely in part because he’d felt guilty knowing the death had been related to his own parents’ case, but it didn’t change the fact that he had looked after him. Even as Chen Man had grown up and joined the force, becoming his partner, Xie Qingcheng still saw him as that little boy he had to look after.

Just as Xie Qingcheng felt a responsibility to keep Xie Xue safe and on the right track in life, he had similar feelings towards Chen Man. The idea of him being harmed in any way fills him with anxiety and fury.

He doesn’t move from his spot in the doorway, but it’s clear He Yu isn’t in a good mood. After smacking his lips in irritation he starts shoving his way though, all while keeping a bone-crushing grip on Chen Man so that even where Xie Qingcheng is, he can see the way bruises had started to bloom on his skin. 

Xie Qingcheng had regained some physical strength from when he’d first been imprisoned, but his health had worsened considerably, his body deteriorating from not being able to get any special treatments in so long. He Yu was both in the prime of his youth and in a particularly pissed off mood, and so though Xie Qingcheng puts up as much of a fight as he can and tries to hold him off with the hope of creating an opening for Chen Man to escape, in the end, He Yu is easily able to shove him to the side and drag Chen Man down the hallway towards the basement. 

Chen Man, for his part, struggles just as hard, but he really was in rough shape and could barely even stand properly, appearing as if he’d been concussed. He can only shout out muffled sounds as he’s dragged down the hallway, his struggling only making He Yu tighten his already bruising grip.

Xie Qingcheng follows after them, grabbing onto Chen Man to try to yank him away, hitting He Yu,  trying anything he can to just get He Yu to let go of him. 

“He Yu! Let him go, what has he ever done to you? Get your filthy fucking hands off of him!” 

A vein protrudes from He Yu’s neck as he stares back at Xie Qingcheng with an inhuman look in his dark eyes.

“I’ll give you credit where credit is due, your partner is smarter than I thought he was. He almost actually found this place.” He laughs a humorless laugh. “Too bad he was stupid enough to be investigating things he shouldn’t have all by himself.” 

“What are you planning on doing to him? He Yu, you fucking–” 

He Yu looks down at Chen Man’s struggling body, his lips curling into an unamused frown. “You seem to really care about this man, Xie Qingcheng.” 

Xie Qingcheng feels the hair on his arms rising with anxiety and anger. His heart pounds in his chest. “I’m serious, let him go! You don’t have to do this!”

He Yu scoffs. “Don’t have to do this? Maybe I didn’t explain it clearly enough– this man found out too much, and now he’s even seen this place. How am I just supposed to just let him go?” 

The panic and fury curling throughout Xie Qingcheng’s gut gets worse, because he was right. Chen Man and their team had been working to investigate He Yu’s case with the goal being to find him and throw him in prison, serving justice and preventing any more victims from being taken. 

If Chen Man had gotten so close to finding everything that He Yu had been able to and felt the need to take him captive, then from He Yu’s perspective, there was no question about what to do with him. He couldn’t afford to let him continue running around and investigating things. Now that he had seen this house, too… 

Despite Xie Qingcheng’s best efforts, He Yu is able to make it to the basement. He throws the door open, grabbing Chen Man and tossing him inside, shoving him down the short flight of stairs. 

Chen Man lands with a crash and groan of pain. Some of his wounds seemed to have opened from the fall with how much blood begins to gather, and Xie Qingcheng’s heart lurches. He tries to run into the basement after him but He Yu slams the door shut before he can get inside, grabbing his wrist. 

“What do you think you’re doing?”

“What do you think I’m doing?” Xie Qingcheng snarls, trying to yank his arm away. “Fuck! Let go of me!” 

In response, He Yu only tightens his grip. “You don’t seem to care that I’ve been just as injured.” 

Was he fucking serious right now? Xie Qingcheng feels as if he’s seeing red, his heart rate spiking as he glares at He Yu so fiercely the hatred in his eyes is almost tangible. “Who gives a shit about your injuries? Let me go, he’s bleeding!” 

He Yu’s eyes flash, wide and deranged as he squeezes Xie Qingcheng’s wrist even tighter, as if he’s trying to snap the bone in half. “After all this time, I still don't matter at all to you? Is that it?” 

“What the fuck are you talking about!? Are you so delusional that you’ve forgotten what this situation is? If I could leave this place I would have left and put your ass behind bars at the first chance I could have gotten! You think I want to be here!?” Xie Qingcheng yells.

He Yu seethes, nearly shaking in anger. Up this close, the bruises on his face are even more obvious, his cheek slightly swollen and his split lip cracked and crusted with blood. His hair is disheveled, dark bags under his eyes. Like this, he looks even more deranged, insane. 

After a moment, he quietly says, “We’ll talk about this later.” 

Saying this, he yanks Xie Qingcheng away from the basement and slams him into the closest wall. Before Xie Qingcheng is able to regain his bearings from the ringing in his head and sudden explosion of pain, He Yu opens the door to the basement and slams it shut behind himself. 

It was a type of door that needed a key to get in and out, and Xie Qingcheng bangs on it so hard it feels as if his bones are rattling. “He Yu! Open the fucking door!” 

Fear and dread seep through his skin and go down to the bone. He doesn’t know what He Yu is planning to do with Chen Man, but from the way he’d been talking it seemed like he was really, truly going to kill him. If Xie Qingcheng wasn’t able to get in there now and stop him, then– 

He takes a deep breath, forcing himself to calm down and think. Right now, there weren’t any weapons in the basement. After He Yu had started letting Xie Qingcheng roam the house, getting rid of the rope tying his wrists and ankles, he had hidden away anything that could be used as a weapon and stowed them all in the safe in the closet. He Yu had only just come home and hadn’t had time to grab anything.

Right now, He Yu wasn’t armed with any weapons. While he could still injure Chen Man and potentially beat him to death, it wasn’t very likely that would happen, wasn’t really He Yu’s style. Right now, at least, Chen Man probably wasn’t in serious danger. He Yu was injured himself— he wouldn’t expend the energy. Not today. 

There was still time to save Chen Man.

That’s what he tells himself. As Xie Qingcheng anxiously stands in front of the basement door though, while it’s quiet at first, there’s an escalation to where it’s clear there’s an altercation going on inside. With Chen Man already being injured and unable to fight back it made the situation even more serious. Though he was young, still strong and hardy, he could only take so much. And yet, Xie Qingcheng can only stand there and listen.

He feels powerless. It was one of the most pervasive and horrible things he’s felt over the course of being imprisoned, but it was his reality. Nothing was in his control. He couldn’t protect anyone. He couldn’t even protect himself.

Right now, his colleague, that young kid he used to look after, was being hurt. Beaten. And what was he doing to stop it?

Despondency permeates through Xie Qingcheng. It seems to seep into his very heart as he stares at the door, panic and anger pounding through his heart, against his ribcage.

Eventually, the noises stop. The door opens. He Yu walks out with a dark expression on his face and Xie Qingcheng quickly looks past him into the basement, dread curling through his gut. The relief he feels is weak but nonetheless there when he sees Chen Man’s chest shakily rising and falling.

He Yu slams the door shut behind himself and fixes a glare to Xie Qingcheng. Though he seems angry, the overwhelming exhaustion on his face is prevalent, the boyish aura usually surrounding him dwindling.

They both tensely look at each other before He Yu says, “I’m going to take a shower and a nap.”

The fact of him speaking so casually after taking another hostage and beating him is unsettling. Xie Qingcheng finds his eyes going back to the closed basement door.

Even if he felt unsettled by it, He Yu going to take a shower or nap was good. It meant that Xie Qingcheng would have some time completely unsupervised.

The basement door was strange, purposefully altered to make it difficult to get inside or out. It locked from both sides and needed a key to open, something He Yu always carried with him. The lock itself was also an abnormal one. 

Xie Qingcheng had tried picking the lock to the basement before and hadn’t been able to get it open. That didn’t necessarily mean it was impossible, though. If he was able to succeed in picking it, and if He Yu was taking a shower or asleep, he’d be able to get Chen Man out of the house. The only thing keeping Xie Qingcheng stuck was the chip inside him— In Chen Man’s case, if he was able to just get past the basement door, he’d be free.

Of course, there was still the fact that the house was in the sticks in the middle of bumfuck nowhere, but there was some vegetation around. If he hid, then maybe…

As if reading his mind, He Yu’s scowl grows worse. He grabs Xie Qingcheng’s wrist and yanks him down the hall. “Come with me.”

“Fucking— let me go! What the hell are you doing!?”

Of course, He Yu isn’t stupid. Giving Xie Qingcheng free reign with Chen Man around was an idiotic idea if he wanted to be careful, and so he drags him down the hall and shoves him into the reading room. That way, he wouldn’t have power to do anything and wouldn’t be able to utilize the unsupervised time he had while He Yu was occupied.

When Xie Qingcheng realizes what He Yu is doing, he moves forward to block the door with his body when He Yu tries to slam it shut.

He Yu’s irises nearly seem to be ablaze. “Move.”

“Let me talk to him,” Xie Qingcheng demands.

He was a hostage, a prisoner of He Yu. He had no standing to be making demands of any kind, and yet he confidently does do, his chin tilted upwards, his eyes locked to He Yu’s.

If it’s even possible, He Yu’s expression becomes worse. “And why should I let you do that?”

“Why not?” Xie Qingcheng grits his teeth from the effort of keeping himself in the doorway with how fiercely He Yu continues trying to shove the door shut. “The basement door is locked. If you let me in there and lock it, neither of us will be able to escape.”

He Yu scoffs. “You’ve managed to escape the basement before. Who do you think you’re trying to fool? It seems to me you just want to get your precious coworker out.”

“Even if through some fucking miracle we get out the basement, I can’t leave this place and he’s hardly in any state to walk, let alone run! What are you so damn worried about?”

“No matter how hard you try to talk your way into this, the answer is still no!”

He Yu gives up on trying to slam the door shut to instead focus on manhandling Xie Qingcheng into the room, but Xie Qingcheng plants his feet into the ground and grabs hold of the door frame with an iron grip, his knuckles turning white.

“Are you so insecure you get anxious if you don’t have complete control over everything at all times? Is that it?” Xie Qingcheng taunts, trying to sound confident, but his voice still just barely trembles. Who knew what condition Chen Man was in right now? He needed to be checked on as soon as possible, if he was left alone and died from his injuries– 

“You’re seriously starting to piss me off, Xie Qingcheng!”

“Well my fucking bad if you have such thin skin you can’t handle hearing the truth!”

“Shut up!”

He Yu is able to use brute force to finally pry Xie Qingcheng away from the door frame, reaching out to slam the door shut. Right before it swings all the way closed Xie Qingcheng lunges out and grabs onto He Yu, tightly clinging to him and not letting go.

A person was easier to hold onto than a door frame. Though it damages his pride, he clings to He Yu and refuses to let go. Like this, he couldn’t be locked in the room.

He Yu makes a frustrated noise, trying to pry him off, but Xie Qingcheng only doubles down and holds on tighter. “You can fucking lock me in the basement with him for all I care, just let me talk to him for five minutes! That’s as long as it has to be!”

He Yu looks as if he’s contemplating murder. He quite possibly was. “Why do you care about that man so much!?”

It’s clear He Yu has some unknown bias against Chen Man. Every time he’s mentioned He Yu grows irritated, spitting out “that man” with all the hate and vitriol in his body. The longer he listens, the less chance Xie Qingcheng sees in being able to speak with Chen Man, let alone prevent him from being killed, and the anxiety in his heart grows worse.

He doesn’t want Chen Man to die. He was still a kid, had barely even lived through a quarter of his life. He hadn’t even gotten a wife yet and he had only recently rosen to a position in the force his late brother could be proud of. There were still so many things he hadn’t yet been able to do.

Seeing as Xie Qingcheng hasn’t answered, He Yu grows even angrier. “Xie Qingcheng, I asked you a question! Why do you care about that man so much? Why do you care if you’re able to talk to him or not? He’ll be dead soon anyway!”

He’ll be dead soon anyway.

Fear jolts through Xie Qingcheng’s heart. His throat feels dry.

If He Yu really wanted to kill Chen Man, there was nothing Xie Qingcheng could do to stop him. He was completely powerless. But…

Though he doesn’t feel as if he owes He Yu an explanation, doesn’t think one is needed in the first place, he doesn’t see any other options. And so, Xie Qingcheng speaks.

Despite his voice mostly remaining calm, coldly collected, there’s a barely noticeable tremor as he’s faced with his absolute powerlessness. “…I looked after him after his brother was killed. I’ve known him since he was a little boy. He’s my coworker, but even if he was a random person, I would have the same reaction. A life is a life. Did you see the state you left him in?”

He Yu’s hands clench into fists, his tired eyes trembling from anger.

Xie Qingcheng feels as exhausted as He Yu looks, desperate. He despises the feeling of desperation but he’d been driven to a point where it was unavoidable. 

“…Just let me see him. All I’ll do is check on his injuries. You can lock us both in the basement so we can’t escape and do whatever else you need to do to make yourself feel better. Just…He Yu, please just let me do this.”

He Yu stares at him for a long time, seeming half surprised. Xie Qingcheng pushes down the humiliation building up within his chest. It wasn’t often he made requests like this. It feels as if he might as well be begging.

It felt like begging, but what else was he supposed to do?

Only after a bitterly long pause does He Yu speak, his jaw twitching. “...Do you really want to speak to him that badly?”

Xie Qingcheng takes a deep breath. “...Please let me do it.”

“Will you keep pestering me about it if I don’t let you now?”

He lifts his chin. “I will.”

He Yu is silent for a moment more. He turns his head away. “…Don’t say I’ve never done anything for you.”

Despite stooping so low as having to beg, Xie Qingcheng hadn’t had much hope of He Yu giving in. Now that he had, he finds himself both shocked and relieved.

Before Xie Qingcheng realizes what’s happening his wrist is grabbed again as He Yu twists out of his grip and yanks him back towards the basement. He opens the door and shoves him inside.

“I’ll let you out once I wake up. Don’t do anything you’ll regret.” The clear warning in his words isn’t lost as he slams the door shut, seemingly incapable of being near Chen Man’s presence for a moment more than needed out of irritation.

Seeing as he had managed to get inside, Xie Qingcheng doesn’t waste any more time. He rushes down the stairs, taking them two at a time as he runs to Chen Man.

He lays limp on the floor with both his hands and ankles tied, a gag shoved into his mouth. The area around him is stained with a puddle of fresh blood, the metallic smell permeating throughout the room and nearly making Xie Qingcheng gag from how strong it is. 

Xie Qingcheng crouches by his side, relieved to hear he’s still breathing, albeit roughly. Blood had crusted under his nose— it was probably difficult to breathe with a clogged nose and gag shoved into his mouth, and Xie Qingcheng rips it out, disgusted. He tosses it across the room and works to remove the bindings around his wrists. 

It was obvious He Yu had been unprepared while restraining him because rather than actual rope or even zipties, a shirt that had been bunched up and twisted is used in place of one. It’s a substantially easier material to unwork a knot. And yet, Xie Qingcheng finds that his fingers just barely tremble as he fumbles with it, watching Chen Man’s unconscious, bloodied face.

Chen Man was really here. Right now, he was living and breathing right in front of Xie Qingcheng. In this cursed place, he had really gotten himself into a situation where he’d been captured. 

Xie Qingcheng is in turmoil, his heart switching between the traitorous relief of seeing someone he knew after however long he was kept in this place to abject horror over being able to feel any relief at all.

This was a terrible situation. It was the worst possible thing that could have happened to Chen Man. Why was he here? Why did he have to be brought to such a horrible place? 

All thoughts of helping Chen Man escape while He Yu was busy showering drain from him as he looks at the pitiful state Chen Man is in. He’d been beaten half to death, to the point where his soul could have risen out of his body just enough to be able to catch a glimpse of if there really was a heaven or hell. Even if on the off chance Xie Qingcheng was able to get him out the house itself, Chen Man wouldn’t be able to actually run anywhere in this state.

Thinking of He Yu’s clear warning, Xie Qingcheng hadn’t been planning on doing anything he “could regret” if Chen Man could be punished for it. The only reason he unties his wrists is because it looked like one of his shoulders had been dislocated. In that case, having his arms forced behind his back would only make things worse and exacerbate the pain. He could only hope He Yu wouldn’t throw a hissy fit over it.

Once Xie Qingcheng is finished untying Chen Man’s wrists he inspects his injuries further to see if there’s anything he can do. As he looks on though, he can’t help but feel all the more powerless, guilty. Because this was his fault, wasn’t it? 

He was probably the main reason Chen Man had gotten close enough to this place that He Yu had found him and captured him. If on that rainy day Xie Qingcheng hadn’t let his guard down… if there had never been a chance for He Yu to get behind him and knock him out, if he'd never been taken here… Chen Man probably wouldn’t be in this mess.

Blood covers most of Chen Man’s face from a wound somewhere on the top of his head. The sheer amount is alarming but Xie Qingcheng knew from experience that head wounds bled a lot and often looked worse than they truly were, and so he reminds himself of that fact as he unrolls the shirt that had been used to tie Chen Man’s wrists and uses it to wipe the blood from his face.

As he cleans him off, looking at him now, he almost seems like a different person than the one he remembered. That kid who used to follow him around and cry for his brother had grown into a man in the blink of an eye. While many used to look at him and think he seemed too young to be a police officer, now, it would be more odd for him to receive such a question.

Stress aged people. Xie Qingcheng had personally experienced it with how much older he looked whenever he glanced into the mirror and saw the wrinkles, the grey hair. And yet, he feels sadness settle in his gut as he looks at Chen Man’s sleeping face.

Just how long had it been?

Despite knowing he’s alive and being able to hear his ragged breathing, Xie Qingcheng feels himself growing irrationally anxious the longer Chen Man stays motionless. He calls out his name a few times. When he still doesn’t rouse, he smacks his cheek a few times to get him to wake up, too worried to care about the pain it might cause. Pain meant alive.

After a few moments, Chen Man’s eyelids twitch, before fully opening as he dazedly blinks. He seems out of it as he looks straight in front of him.

“…What is it? Where is this?” he sluggishly murmurs to himself. After looking around a bit, his gaze meets Xie Qingcheng’s, and his eyes go wide. The haze that had been fogging his mind dissipates in an instant.

Before Xie Qingcheng realizes what’s happening, a sound of surprise leaves his lips as Chen Man crashes into him with the full force of his body, grabbing him tightly and pulling him into a hug. If Chen Man hadn’t been so out of it he might have felt the full-body flinch that had shot through Xie Qingcheng.

“Xie… Xie Ge,” Chen Man chokes out, sounding like he’s close to tears. He squeezes Xie Qingcheng so tightly he can barely breathe. “You’re alive.”

Chapter Text

Not knowing what else to do, Xie Qingcheng returns the embrace, gently patting Chen Man’s back. It feels… strange, to be embracing someone like this without the threat of something happening because of it. 

By now the tears in Chen Man’s eyes openly fall as he cries into Xie Qingcheng’s shoulder, sniffling and clinging to him, his arms trembling. Not since he’d been a boy still fresh off his brother’s death had Xie Qingcheng seen him cry like this. Yet now, it’s as if he’s encompassed in so much emotion he can hardly contain himself. 

“…What are you crying for? Calm down, I’m here, aren’t I?” Xie Qingcheng murmurs, after a while. 

“Ge, I…we … ” Chen Man swallows. His voice trembles, though it’s clear he’s trying to hold himself together. “We all thought you were dead. It’s been so long… do you know? Three years passed without hearing a word from you. We were all so worried.”

Three years?

Had… had that much time really passed? Xie Qingcheng knew he’d been imprisoned for a while, but that long? For years, he…

How was everyone doing without him? How was Xie Xue, had she gotten married yet? Had his team moved on to other, bigger cases? They must have. What about Auntie Li and the house at Moyu Alley? Was it being looked after? 

Three years… three full years…

Xie Qingcheng feels dazed, the words playing in his head over and over again as if on a loop. He’d been used as He Yu’s plaything for three years. For three years, he’s been surviving through this shameful life, as if he wasn’t even a person anymore, but rather, some kind of toy to play with. 

He’d noticed the state of his health substantially deteriorating, and finally knowing the amount of time he’d spent imprisoned only makes it all the more clear to him. How much time did he have left to live? One, two, maybe three more years? Would he truly live the rest of this wretched life trapped in this house?

Chen Man still hasn’t let go of him. “Everyone thought you must have died, but I thought that maybe… Ge is so strong, you wouldn’t have died so easily… and I was right! Ge, all this time, you’ve really been here…?”

Xie Qingcheng snaps out of the haze he’d been in. He tries to pull away, but it’s as if Chen Man is worried he’ll disappear for another three years if he lets go. He clings to him even more tightly. 

Being held so securely was already something that made him feel awkward and uncomfortable in the first place, but after being imprisoned for so long and being tortured by He Yu so often, the feeling is even worse to the point that he can barely stand it. He lets Chen Man hold him for as long as he can bear it but eventually, he pats his head and starts being more insistent about trying to pull away. 

Part of it is because he’s worried Chen Man might notice the marks left on his skin from He Yu. They were so obvious that if seen, there would be no speculation as to what they were. It didn’t seem like he’d noticed yet in the dim lighting, but… 

“...Alright, that’s enough. Let go of me, what are you crying for?” Xie Qingcheng finds his voice sounding softer than it’s been in a long time. 

Though Chen Man seems hesitant, he finally pulls away. Like this with tears streaming down his cheeks and his lips curled into a frown, the newfound maturity Xie Qingcheng had thought he’d seen in his face seems to disappear. As Xie Qingcheng looks at him, all he sees is that young kid he remembers looking after. 

“I’m sorry. I’m just… I’m so happy. You’re really alive.” Though Chen Man had seemed happy, his expression suddenly crumbles with anger. “All this time, you were kept here by that bastard. Why would he do something like this? Xie Xue told me you used to look after him when he was younger. Why would he keep you here for so long?”

Xie Qingcheng wanted to know just as much as he did. In the beginning, He Yu’s reasoning had seemed innocent enough– although he appeared to have some odd fixation on him as his past doctor, he hadn’t done anything to Xie Qingcheng and mostly spent his time silently watching him. At some point that had warped into something truly unspeakable and disgusting, but how was he supposed to tell anyone that? He would take it to the grave. 

“Hell if I know,” Xie Qingcheng grumbles out, not wanting to think about it. He tugs the collar of his shirt a little higher as he eyes Chen Man. “More than that, what the hell are you doing here? Don’t you know how dangerous He Yu is? How did you manage to get into such a situation? Look how beat up you are!” 

Chen Man blankly stares at him as Xie Qingcheng grabs one of his arms, particularly bruised and swollen. He’s about to say more when suddenly, wet laughter rises from Chen Man’s chest. 

He pulls Xie Qingcheng back into a hug. “...I’m so glad.” 

Xie Qingcheng tries to pull away. “What the hell are you talking about?” 

“Even after all this time, you’re still the same,” Chen Man mumbles. 

…Was he? Xie Qingcheng didn’t feel the same. It was as if his chest had been hollowed out, leaving only a pit where all his flesh and organs were supposed to be, wrapped in a bag of skin to hide the rotting. If Chen Man thought he seemed the same then it was just because he couldn’t see inside, couldn’t look closer. 

Really, how humiliating was this life he’d been living? How shameful? He was a man. And yet all this time, he’d been used as nothing more than a fleshlight, made into a damn woman, spending all day cooking and cleaning. The only reprieve he’d been afforded was being able to read, but even then, he could never fully escape the hell that had become his reality. 

He wonders what Chen Man would think of him if he knew he’d been reduced to such a pitiful state. If he knew, surely he would be too disgusted to even think of hugging him like this. If Xie Qingcheng were a machine, then it was as if he was completely broken, nuts and bolts flowing out of him like blood. 

Thinking of the state he’s in, Xie Qingcheng suddenly feels like Chen Man shouldn’t be touching him, as if he’ll somehow get him dirty, taint him. He was supposed to be someone Chen Man looked up to and respected, someone he relied on. He was the elder, the protector. Yet he had let himself be completely and utterly soiled from the inside out. By a boy thirteen years his junior, he had… 

Suddenly feeling disgusted in himself, ashamed, Xie Qingcheng violently shoves Chen Man away. Chen Man yelps, falling over. Only then does Xie Qingcheng remember his injuries. If he hadn’t felt horrible before, then he suddenly feels even worse. He swallows, his eyes stinging. 

He gently takes Chen Man’s head into his hands, inspecting it. This time, his touch is softer, albeit more hesitant. It feels like he shouldn't be touching him at all. 

“He hit you in the head, right? Does it hurt here?” Xie Qingcheng asks as he probes at a particularly large bump. 

Seeming even more dazed and confused over having been shoved away and then handled  gently like this, Chen Man can only nod. “He tried to knock me out but didn’t hit hard enough. That’s how we got into a fight.” He scowls. “That bastard. He's stronger than he looks.” 

Xie Qingcheng had personally experienced that monstrous strength and feels his mood growing sour as he feels around Chen Man’s matted hair. Aside from the bump, there was also a substantial gouge on the top of his head, looking just bad enough to where it ran the risk of being infected if it wasn’t stitched. 

He didn’t have any of the necessary supplies on him and doubted He Yu would agree to giving him them. The only thing he could do was tie up the wound and hope for the time being it didn’t get infected. 

Seeing as he needed a clean cloth to wrap up the wound he goes to take off his shirt before pausing, remembering all the kiss and bite marks there. He suddenly feels sick and lets go of the hem of it with trembling fingers, turning to Chen Man. 

“Take off your shirt. I need something to wrap around the wound on your head,” he grimly says. 

“Right, alright.” 

Chen Man quickly goes to pull off his shirt. As soon as he gets it halfway up his stomach though, he winces, rubbing at his shoulder. 

It’s the same shoulder Xie Qingcheng thought might have been dislocated, and he frowns. “What’s wrong?” 

Chen Man’s face is tense. It’s clear he’s trying to hide his pain. “It… I’m fine. It just hurts a little.” 

It clearly didn’t just “hurt a little” and the wound seemed more serious than that, but what else could they do? There were no first aid supplies in the basement. Xie Qingcheng can only grimly look at his shoulder, at how red and bruised it is. From its appearance it seemed to have been dislocated and shoved back in place at some point in time. Of course it would still be painful to move. 

Now that Chen Man had taken off his shirt the bruises and discoloration seemed to cover the entirety of his body. He truly had been beaten black and blue, and Xie Qingcheng feels nauseous. He tries to ignore the discoloration as he takes the shirt from Chen Man and moves closer to wrap the cloth around his head. 

Anxiety curls through him. It’s just that anxiety usually took the form of chiding and reprimands when Xie Qingcheng was feeling it, and so that’s what he defaults to as he wraps Chen Man’s head. “Why are you here by yourself? Where’s everyone else?” 

“I…” Chen Man seems hesitant, avoiding his gaze. “...I investigated alone.” 

Though Xie Qingcheng had already expected that answer, he doesn’t feel any less angry upon hearing it directly. “You came here alone…! How stupid are you? Do you understand how serious this is? I’ve told you before, this type of work is dangerous and shouldn’t be done alone! Look at the damn situation you got yourself in! What are you planning to do now? You’ve been fucking captured!” 

Chen Man is silent for a while. “...I was trying to find you. And… and I did, didn’t I? I managed to find you! Ge, please stop being angry!”

“Stop being angry? How can you tell me to stop being angry? How do you expect to get out of here? I’ve been here for three fucking years! Do you think I would have stayed so long if there was an easy way to escape?” 

Xie Qingcheng suddenly thinks of all the awful things He Yu has done to him and then thinks about Chen Man being here right now. Though He Yu didn’t have a record of sexual crimes before Xie Qingcheng, what if this had awakened some awful thing in him? What if, to Chen Man, he… 

He feels as if he might vomit. No, it was just because He Yu had a strange fixation on him being his old doctor, is what he tries to convince himself. There was no way he would… but if he did, then… 

The alternative is hardly any better. Both Chen Man and him had seen case files of the terrible, inhumane things He Yu has done to his victims. If that were to happen to Chen Man... 

He feels himself growing even more anxious. Chen Man had to get out of here quickly. He couldn’t afford to stay for long, he had to get out before anything happened to him. “Does anyone else know where you are? Someone must at least have an idea of what you’ve been doing.” 

Chen Man still doesn’t look at him. Though he doesn’t say anything, it’s all the confirmation Xie Qingcheng needs, and his heart drops to his stomach. 

“Fuck!”

This is exactly why he was always against Chen Man going into such a field. His brother had been exceptional, far more exceptional than Chen Man, and he’d still died. When Chen Man had insisted on joining the force, Xie Qingcheng had wanted him to focus more on domestic matters to take care of his health and safety. If not for himself, then at least for his family. How could his parents bear it if they lost another son? He couldn’t only think about himself. 

Chen Man had started off doing more domestic work. He’d only switched to criminal investigations around when Xie Qingcheng had started working as an officer. Xie Qingcheng had thought it was a bad idea and chided him for it but had eventually given in when he’d seen he wouldn’t budge on the issue. Now, it feels like he’d made the wrong choice, should have pushed harder. 

This was his fault. Would Chen Man be in this situation right now if… 

Seeing how distressed he is, Chen Man’s lips pull down into a frown. “Ge…” 

Xie Qingcheng had to get Chen Man out. He didn’t know if he had to get on his knees and beg like a dog for He Yu to release him, didn’t know what he needed to do, but he had to get him out. Before He Yu snapped and senselessly killed him, he had to get him out of here. It was his responsibility to keep him safe, to make sure he didn’t get killed like this. He had failed in that he had caused him to get into this situation in the first place, but there was still hope of escape. If he could just convince He Yu… 

“...I’m sorry, Ge. I just wanted to find you,” Chen Man mumbles. “We had to stop looking for a while and then people seemed to forget about it… but how could they possibly forget about you! I knew you couldn’t be dead and so I kept investigating and finally found a lead. I was going to tell them but there wasn’t any time, everything happened so fast and I…” 

Xie Qingcheng takes in a deep breath, rubbing at his forehead and having the urge to light a cigarette despite not having one in years and mostly having gotten over the withdrawals and cravings. 

It’s quiet for a long time. He’d wanted to come in to check on Chen Man and see if he was okay. From how lucid he was it seemed he wasn’t in too terrible a state despite how he looked, but there’s really only so much Xie Qingcheng can do for his injuries. He tries to figure out how the hell he’s going to be able to convince He Yu to let him go and not hurt him as Chen Man sits there and watches him, still a little out of it from his clear concussion. 

Each possible solution he comes up with is worse than the last. In this place, he had no say in anything that happened. His body didn’t even feel like it was his own most of the time. He Yu had let him see Chen Man in a rare moment of benevolence, but how far would that kindness extend before he began to grow sick of it? What if he had another flare up? He hadn’t had one since the few when Xie Qingcheng had first been captured, but he’d seemed really stressed out just now. If that regressed into a flare up, just what would he do to Chen Man?

All the while he’d been thinking, Chen Man had been watching him, still partly in disbelief over being able to see him in the first place. 

Suddenly, worry flashes over his face. “Ge, what’s that on your neck? Are you hurt?”

Xie Qingcheng tries very hard to hold in his flinch, quickly covering the mark with his hand. “It’s nothing. He just… you saw what he did to you, didn’t he?” he snaps, defensive. “He did the same to me. It isn’t a big deal.

He desperately hopes Chen Man hadn’t seen the mark clearly and just thought it was a bruise or something. He Yu was someone who took pleasure in humiliating people and humiliated Xie Qingcheng as much as he could, leaving as many marks on him as possible. While they made Xie Qingcheng uncomfortable, he had ultimately gotten used to having them since they were so frequently on his body. It hadn’t mattered since there wasn’t a chance of anyone seeing them, anyway. But now…

Chen Man still seems hesitant. He looks at Xie Qingcheng with worried, angry eyes. “That monster has kept you here for so long. What has he done to you? Are you okay? The things he did to his other victims…has he really just kept you here and nothing else? You don’t look like you’re in terrible condition…”

His eyes go over every inch of Xie Qingcheng’s body as if scanning him for injuries or abnormalities, and Xie Qingcheng suddenly feels uneasy, anxious. His palms are sweaty as he angrily crosses his arms. Aside from the one on his neck no other marks should be visible, but…

Chen Man’s gaze eventually settles back on his neck, and Xie Qingcheng’s mood grows even worse. “What are you looking at? Damn it, didn’t I imply it already? Do you really want me to come out and say he beat me?”

It looks as if Chen Man wants to say something. He opens his mouth and closes it. 

Xie Qingcheng can’t stand the constant opening and closing of his mouth and snaps out, “What?”

“Nothing. It’s just…” Chen Man shakes his head. “I was thinking it was maybe just because I was imagining things after being knocked out, but you… you opened the door, didn’t you?”

He seems confused, worried as he looks at Xie Qingcheng. His gaze still gets drawn to his neck, and though Xie Qingcheng had already covered the mark with his collar, it doesn’t feel like enough. He covers it with his hand again and rubs at it, exasperated.

Maybe he hadn’t given Chen Man enough credit. He’d gotten so close to finding him all on his own–he was clearly capable and wouldn’t be tricked easily. Compared to the injuries he had, it was obvious Xie Qingcheng hadn’t been beaten by anyone recently. 

He must be wondering why He Yu would just keep Xie Qingcheng there for seemingly no reason, especially since Xie Qingcheng didn’t visibly appear injured. Adding on that Xie Qingcheng wasn’t restrained at all and had even opened the front door for He Yu…

It clearly wasn’t a normal hostage situation, even at just a first glance. Had he already figured it out? That Xie Qingcheng had been—

Xie Qingcheng’s throat feels dry. Before he can reply, the basement door swings open. Both his and Chen Man’s heads whip toward it.

He Yu stands at the top of the stairs, his hair slightly damp. Though he’d taken a shower and changed into new clothes he still looked a little beat up, albeit much better than Chen Man.

He seems to be in a slightly better mood than before he’d gotten in the shower. As soon as his eyes land on Chen Man though, or more specifically, Chen Man’s bare chest, all the fury rushes back to his eyes.

“Xie Qingcheng,” he quietly says. “Come here.”

Hadn’t he said he was also going to take a nap? Why was he here now? It wasn’t enough time, he still had to– 

Though Chen Man seems afraid, he’s also just as furious as he faces He Yu. Despite having been beaten black and blue he doesn’t back down as he yells, “He Yu, you sick bastard! What more do you want from Xie Ge!? Let him go already! Why are you even keeping him here? You sick fucking—”

Xie Qingcheng smacks him upside the head, hissing out, “Shut the hell up, do you know who you’re talking to? Are you trying to get yourself killed!?”

“But Ge, he—”

“Dammit, didn’t I say to shut up!?”

Not wanting to make He Yu any more angry than he already was, Xie Qingcheng stands up and obediently walks over to him. He’d have to find a way to convince him to let Chen Man go. If Chen Man acted like a stupid kid and provoked him, there would be no hope of ever getting him out in one piece.

He Yu grabs Xie Qingcheng’s arm once he reaches the top of the stairs and slams the basement door shut behind them, looking at Xie Qingcheng as if he had done something incriminating. 

“Why was he shirtless?” he demands. 

Xie Qingcheng gives him a blank look. When he realizes why he’s even asking he feels himself getting angrier. “What the hell are you implying? Not everyone is sick like you, I needed to use it to wrap up his head.”

Despite that being something He Yu had clearly been able to see with his own eyes, he still has the audacity to look upset, of all things. “Don’t do that again.” 

“Don’t do what again? Help him? Did you see how badly you beat him?” Xie Qingcheng gets up in his face, poking at his chest. “I need some things to disinfect and wrap up his wounds. If they’re just left like that they’re going to get infected.” 

“And why should I care about that?” 

Xie Qingcheng takes a deep breath. It was true that really, He Yu didn’t have to give half a shit about whatever Xie Qingcheng wanted. Why would he care if Chen Man’s wounds got infected and killed him? “I’ll stop pestering you about him. The most important part is making sure they don’t get infected. After that, I won’t ask about him.”

He Yu is silent, his grip on Xie Qingcheng tightening. “You keep saying that like I care. All I’d have to do is gag you if you wanted to throw a fit.” 

Xie Qingcheng grows increasingly desperate. “It will take less than a minute. Just let me grab supplies and toss it down. I won’t even go into the room if that’s what you’re so fucking worried about. 

“Only a minute?” He Yu skeptically asks. 

“Less than a minute. I’ll even throw him a shirt if you’re so damn worried about me seeing him shirtless.” 

At that, He Yu finally seems a little receptive. The fact that he’s receptive to that of all things irks Xie Qingcheng but it was better than nothing, and he sighs in relief. It felt a little suspicious He Yu was giving in so easily but what could Xie Qingcheng be but grateful he was cooperating at all?

The first step of keeping Chen Man alive was being put to action. It was everything that came after this that would be the hard part. He still didn’t know what He Yu’s purpose was for keeping Chen Man alive rather than just immediately killing him. 

He Yu finally lets go of him, and Xie Qingcheng rubs his wrist as He Yu says, “Your time starts now, but I’m choosing the shirt.” 

Hearing that his time had already started, Xie Qingcheng wastes no time in running to the bathroom. His lower half uncomfortably throbs from the movement but he forces himself to ignore the humiliating feeling as he rummages through the cupboards and grabs bandages, a box of bandaids, soap, a rag, rubbing alcohol, and an ointment that would be able to soothe some of the bruising. He takes a detour to the kitchen to grab some water bottles, and his arms are completely full by the time he races back to the basement door with everything in hand, knowing that He Yu was the type of petty-ass person to cancel the deal if he spent half a second longer than a minute. 

By the time he makes it back to the basement, He Yu is already standing at the door with a shirt in hand, one Xie Qingcheng recognizes from being in the dirty hamper. It seems He Yu really was that petty, but there’s really no time to care. He Yu opens the basement door and Xie Qingcheng quickly tosses everything down, making sure not to hit Chen Man. He Yu lazily throws the shirt in after him. 

Just before He Yu can close the door again, Xie Qingcheng locks eyes with Chen Man’s wide ones. 

I’ll get you out of here. Don’t be afraid,” he mouths. 

If Xie Qingcheng could do nothing else with this worthless life, if he had to spend the rest of it acting as He Yu’s slave, so be it. Even if it was the last meaningful thing he would do, he would get Chen Man out of here and to safety. It was his fault he had gotten into this situation in the first place, and so it would be his responsibility to get him out. 

The door slams shut. Xie Qingcheng stares at it, breathing heavily from how frantically he’d been running around. His heart races. 

Having the door shut cements even further that Chen Man was trapped. Like this, the life he’d been living as a prisoner feels like it flips on his head. Now, it wasn’t just him– there was someone else. Someone he cared about. 

He had to get him out. 

Who knows how long he would have spent staring at the door if He Yu didn’t speak up, rubbing at his forehead as if he was the one who was truly stressed out. He lets out a long, exhausted sigh. “I’m so tired… Xie Ge, my hair is knotted. Untangle it for me.” 

Going from frantically gathering things to make sure Chen Man didn’t die of fucking septic shock from an infection to getting the tangles out of He Yu’s hair feels like whiplash. If he’d been driving his neck most certainly would have snapped at the sudden change of direction. Even now, it feels as if his brain loudly rattles within his skull. 

What else could he do but obey He Yu?

Xie Qingcheng ends up on the couch with He Yu sitting on the floor between his legs, leaning his head back and closing his eyes. Xie Qingcheng tries to focus on the task of untangling his hair smelling of vanilla but his fingers just barely tremble and it's difficult to get a solid grip. No matter how hard he tries, all he can think about is Chen Man. Right now, he was alone in the basement, in pain and not knowing if he’d ever get out. Xie Qingcheng knew how awful it was down there, to the point that he would still get nightmares about that horrible time. Chen Man was probably scared. Who wouldn’t be?

He was a good kid. He didn’t deserve to be feeling that type of fear, nobody did. Right now… how would he be feeling right now? Xie Qingcheng had tried to tell him he’d be okay, but had he even been able to understand what he’d been saying? What if he just thought he’d suffer a horrible death at the hands of He Yu? 

Xie Qingcheng must have pulled too hard on his hair without realizing it because He Yu’s almond eyes open to look at him. Though he doesn’t seem as angry as before, he also doesn’t seem anywhere near his normal self. 

Normal self. Had Xie Qingcheng really just thought that about He Yu? Just how broken was he? It only further proved that even if Chen Man thought he still seemed the same, he was sorely mistaken. 

Xie Qingcheng doesn’t think he could ever return to the person he was before. 

“...You seem distracted,” He Yu says, narrowing his eyes. 

Xie Qingcheng tries to ignore him to instead focus on his hair. His heart pounds, it feels difficult to breathe. 

An uncomfortable silence settles over them. Xie Qingcheng can only think of one thing, and the look on He Yu’s face grows progressively unhappier. 

Seeing as they’re both thinking about it anyway, Xie Qingcheng somewhat hesitantly begins, “Chen Man, he…” 

“I don’t want to think about this right now,” He Yu snaps. 

It was a dangerous path to walk on when He Yu was angry, as if Xie Qingcheng were inching over a bridge held together by string, wood, and the hopes and dreams of whoever had made it, praying that a particularly strong gust of wind didn’t knock him off and plummet him into the wild, ravenous river below. Especially now, he couldn't afford to make him angry. 

For a while, Xie Qingcheng debates whether to say anything. In the end though, it feels like it will be more detrimental to not say anything at all, would only lead him down a dingier, even more dangerous path. Eventually, he quietly says, “...Please don’t kill him.”

It’s all he can do. Truly, the only thing Xie Qingcheng could do in this situation was ask, and so that’s what he does. The wheel that squeaked was the one that got greased. If he didn’t say anything at all, then he really wouldn’t be trying. 

He Yu doesn’t respond, and Xie Qingcheng can only hope he heard him. Can only hope He Yu had some sort of morality left in him, some goodness in his heart. Just this once, he hoped he could listen to him. 

He goes back to running his fingers through his soft hair, pulling apart the knots and separating it into sections as he works, reminded of when he used to do Xie Xue’s hair when she was little and hadn’t known or cared enough to do it properly herself. His fingers won’t stop shaking.

Chapter Text

He Yu doesn’t immediately do anything to Chen Man. He keeps him locked in the basement and tosses food down to him once a day, but that’s about as much as he interacts with him. It’s almost as if he doesn’t know what to do other than just keep him there while doing the bare minimum to make sure he doesn't die. 

Xie Qingcheng doesn't know whether to be concerned or relieved. The long drawn out nothingness makes his anxiety over the situation worsen by the day. It would be better if He Yu would just let Chen Man go. 

It was obvious he wanted to kill Chen Man. When he held Xie Qingcheng in bed at night, he would mutter about it. The look on his face was always tense, as if he was stressed about something. And yet, apart from the first day when he had come home with Chen Man beaten black and blue, he hadn’t done anything to him. 

Why?

What was He Yu’s goal in keeping him here? 

Whatever that goal might be and no matter the reason, Xie Qingcheng is grateful He Yu, at least at the moment, seemed to have decided on keeping Chen Man alive. It gave Xie Qingcheng more time to figure out how the hell he'd be able to get him out. 

He still wasn’t confident of the extent of what he could do. He’d been thinking that maybe he could mess with the basement door and do something to it so that he could keep it from fully locking or closing after it had been open, but he didn’t know he’d realistically be able to do something like that. Even if figured out some way to keep it open right after He Yu opened it, He Yu would inevitably notice. If that were to happen, who knew if he would continue being as lenient as he currently was with Chen Man. If they were caught, that might just be the thing that made He Yu kill him.

Then there was the prospect of convincing He Yu to let Chen Man go. That had been about as effective as he could have expected. Whenever the topic of Chen Man was brought up, He Yu would get angry and immediately shut the conversation down or switch topics. Xie Qingcheng was worried about angering him and making him snap. He had already seemed to take at least some of Xie Qingcheng’s words into consideration seeing that Chen Man was being kept alive in the first place. Xie Qingcheng was just a prisoner with no real power over anything— what more could he ask for from He Yu?

After the first day Chen Man had been imprisoned, He Yu refused to let Xie Qingcheng see him again. Not to check on his injuries, not to escort him to the bathroom or give him his meals, nothing. While he couldn’t physically see Chen Man though, he could still talk to him to confirm that he was okay.

It’s clear He Yu didn’t like the idea of Xie Qingcheng being at home alone with Chen Man, but it was also clear something must be happening on the outside, something he had to spend most of his attention dealing with. He spent more and more time away and out of the house, clearly unhappy and stressed about whatever was bothering him. Xie Qingcheng used that time to speak with Chen Man.

It becomes a sick routine of sorts, speaking to him yet knowing at the same time that he didn’t currently have a way to help him escape. He could only hope that talking to him would keep his morale up, would keep him from losing too much hope. 

Xie Qingcheng truly believed he could get him out. He had to. 

He leans his back against the basement door, sitting with one leg stretched out and the other knee bent. His blurry gaze looks at nothing in particular as he speaks. “How are you feeling today? Have your injuries improved?”

Chen Man’s muffled voice comes from the other side of the door. “I’m getting better. They’ve all mostly healed.”

“Have you noticed anything odd? Have there been any darker lines on your arms or legs?”

“Huh? No, there hasn’t been anything like that…”

Xie Qingcheng sighs in relief. The main worry he’d had was that his injuries would get infected. He Yu might have let Xie Qingcheng toss him some medical supplies, but he doubted his benevolence extended much further than that. If his wounds were to get infected things would grow dangerous quickly. It could be that the only reason He Yu hadn’t killed him yet was because he was betting on his injuries doing it for him. 

“That’s good,” he says.

It’s silent for a while. By this point Chen Man had been imprisoned for what must have been at least a week, and so Xie Qingcheng had already asked him about most of the things he’d wanted to ask about. Though he made sure to check on him every day, he also felt a little guilty speaking to him when he still didn’t have a way to get him out, and so the conversations usually weren’t very long. There was also the worry of being caught by He Yu coming home– it was better if things stayed brief. 

Throughout the silence, he continues thinking of how he might be able to get Chen Man out and what he’d do if He Yu decided to implant him with the same thing he had implanted into Xie Qingcheng, dreading the idea that he could have already done so without him knowing. As he’s thinking, Chen Man’s voice suddenly interrupts his thoughts.

He sounds almost hesitant. “…Don’t you want to ask about Xie Xue? You haven’t mentioned her yet.”

Xie Qingcheng pauses. It was true he hadn’t asked about her, hadn’t once brought her up. While he wanted to know how she was doing and make sure she was okay, no matter what state she was in, whether she was doing well or terribly, there was the uncomfortable awareness of the fact that he wouldn’t be able to do anything about it. He had been filling his mind with thoughts of Chen Man’s escape to occupy himself instead. It was troublesome thinking of the girl he had left behind all on her own because of his recklessness. Because of his mistakes, she was being affected. He had warned her all he could that his job was dangerous and that something could always happen to him, but even so, it couldn’t be easy for her. She was too kind. 

He wants her to be doing well. He’d always wanted a life like that for her. If she wasn’t, though, if it turned out something terrible had happened… What could he do?

The last time he had asked He Yu about her in a sudden surge of vulnerability, He Yu had said she was okay. Whether or not he had been telling the truth or not, he wanted to believe it. 

Maybe Xie Qingcheng had been avoiding asking Chen Man because he was afraid of if the answer was anything good. The more he thinks about it though, the more he’s repulsed by his cowardice. He forces his mouth to open. 

 “...How is she? Has she been doing okay?” 

Chen Man lets out a breath. “Yeah. I’ve been making sure to check up on her and she seems to be doing okay. Of course, she misses you, but she hasn’t given up, either. When I get you out of here, she’ll be relieved to see her ge again after so long.” 

Relief floods Xie Qingcheng’s tense body. So she was okay. 

“And how exactly are you planning on doing that? He Yu won’t easily let you escape.” When Chen Man doesn’t immediately reply, Xie Qingcheng sighs, tilting his head back and looking up at the ceiling with his fuzzy vision. “She’s been completely safe? There hasn’t been any strange activity around her?” 

“She’s had a lot of visits with police officers and some news stations, but that all kind of died down after about a year. What do you mean by strange activity?”

“...It’s nothing.” At least, it seemed that He Yu wasn’t bothering her. 

It irked him that news reporters were taking advantage of the situation to pester and harass her, but it was only to be expected with a situation like this when he had suddenly gone missing for so long. At the very least, it didn’t seem like she was having to deal with that bullshit anymore.

“If there’s anything you’re worried about, Captain Zheng has been watching over her. He won’t let anything happen.” 

Hearing everything Chen Man tells him slightly relieves his worries about He Yu. On multiple occasions, He Yu had hung Xie Xue’s name over his head when he wanted him to do something, claiming he was keeping track of her, threatening to hurt her if Xie Qingcheng didn’t do what he wanted him to do. Because of this, Xie Qingcheng had been under the impression  He Yu was keeping tabs on her. Maybe he still was online, but at least in person, it didn’t seem as if he was giving her any trouble. 

Despite threatening her and claiming Xie Xue was a fake due to his fabricated memories of her, what wasn’t fabricated was the kindness she had shown him when they were children. It wasn’t a lie that she had seen him as a true friend. Regardless of what he said, Xie Qingcheng wanted to believe that He Yu thought back to those times and never truly wished to hurt her. 

It’s what he wanted to believe, but it was also true that the He Yu he knew now was changed, completely different from that brat he used to know. He would never know for sure what his mental state was, could never be too careful. He could only hope that he wouldn’t throw away the years of kindness that had been shared with him. At least to Xie Xue, his only friend, didn’t he have a little bit of humanity left in him?

“What are you doing?” 

Xie Qingcheng flinches, whipping his head around to the sight of He Yu standing in the hallway. He looks absolutely enraged, a fire burning in his dark eyes, and Xie Qingcheng curses to himself. There was no hiding what he’d been doing and so he doesn’t bother moving away from the door, straightening his back and meeting his gaze. 

How the hell had he gotten this far into the house without anyone hearing him? Normally Xie Qingcheng would be able to hear at least the front door opening, but it was as if he’d somehow teleported to the hallway without him noticing. 

If He Yu had seemed angry before, he looks even more enraged as he stalks over to Xie Qingcheng. “I asked you a question!” 

Xie Qingcheng stamps down the jolt of anxiety that shoots through his chest, keeping his eyes away from the basement door. He wasn’t afraid of what He Yu might do to him. There was nothing worse he could do to him after the torture he’d already subjected him to, but he can’t say the same for Chen Man. If He Yu directed his ire towards Chen Man instead and did something to him in his anger– 

“I was just checking on his injuries, it sounded like he hurt himself,” Xie Qingcheng says, keeping his voice calm, almost uninterested sounding. If he sounded at all anxious it would make it seem as if he was acknowledging doing something wrong. All he’d done was ask if Chen Man was okay. 

“Didn’t I already tell you to not talk to him anymore? Were my instructions too complicated for you?” He Yu growls, his gaze fixed on the door. “I was leaving him alone since he was just going to stay in the basement, but if you’re so insistent on seeing him then it looks like I’ll have to get rid of him after all.” 

The look in his eyes is truly murderous, deranged. Xie Qingcheng quickly stands up to block his view of the basement door, his blood pressure rising with dread. 

“I was only checking if he was okay, we weren’t talking for long. You don’t have to do this,” he hurriedly says. 

“Who cares if it was long or not! You agreed not to talk to him at all, who cares if he’s injured! How can you say that when I haven’t even healed from all of my injuries!”

“He Yu–” 

His voice catches in his throat when He Yu shoves him against the door. The bags under his eyes are prominent, the sclera red and bloodshot from strain, anger, from stress, from fatigue. It’s clear he’s in a particularly terrible mood, and Xie Qingcheng racks his brain trying to figure out how the hell he can pacify him, his gaze nervously flicking to the basement door. 

“Xie Ge! What was that, are you okay?” Chen Man’s voice suddenly rings out from the other side of the door. He begins roughly banging on it. “He Yu! Leave him alone, you bastard! If anyone is at fault, it’s me! Do whatever you want to me, just leave him alone!” 

He Yu’s eyes flash, his lips curling in flat amusement. “Xie Qingcheng, you keep telling me to not hurt him, but look at that. He’s asking for it himself. Do you really expect me to hear that and not do anything?”

If Xie Qingcheng had been inwardly cursing before, then by now it’s the only thing that fills his head as he struggles to push He Yu off of him. 

What was Chen Man doing? Was he seeking death, this fucking idiot! What was the deal with young people running their mouths like this without thought of consequence! It was like a damned rabbit shit talking a falcon circling above it! 

“Chen Man, how many times have I told you to shut your damn mouth! Stop talking! Don’t say anymore!” Xie Qingcheng angrily shouts. 

“But Ge, he’s–” 

“Chen Yan! Listen to me! Your dage would be telling you the same thing!” Xie Qingcheng finds his words taking on a hint of panic, enough to bleed through his anger. If Chen Man didn’t listen to him, He Yu might really kill him. “Don’t make all the years I’ve spent looking after you mean nothing! You dying here would be a meaningless death! You don’t have to end up like your brother!” 

At that, Chen Man finally goes silent, the banging on the door ceasing. Xie Qingcheng hears a hitched breath on the other side but Chen Man doesn’t say any more, and Xie Qingcheng faces He Yu, trying to shove him off again. 

Before he can say anything, He Yu slams him even more ferociously into the door to the point he has the wind knocked out of him. “Look at how cute you guys are, being so worried about each other. You’ll always stick up for your boyfriend, right? You’d never do the same for me.”

Xie Qingcheng tries to fight him off, but his health had shot down over the years. It feels as if he’s trying to push away a brick wall. “What the fuck are you talking about!?”

“Stop trying to act dumb,” He Yu growls. He shoves his elbow against Xie Qingcheng’s throat, and he chokes. “Why else have you been acting so protective of him? Do you think I wouldn’t notice how worried you are about him? How dare you act like that towards another man in front of me! You act like a stinking whore and expect me not to react?” 

Xie Qingcheng was a straight man! He’d had a wife, was once divorced, and no longer had interest in relationships of any kind. He Yu acting so jealous over something as ridiculous as a man checking on the health of another man was completely absurd. Not once had he done anything that could be considered flirting with Chen Man, but he doesn’t know how to convince He Yu otherwise. If that was what He Yu wholeheartedly believed, there would be no way to convince him, with his fucking mouth that hadn’t yet learned how to walk! 

Anger and fear course through Xie Qingcheng. “Not everyone is as disgusting as you, you fucking rabid dog! Why don’t you take a moment to set down your damned jar of vinegar and think normally before you give yourself a stomachache! I’m a straight man! Stop thinking such absurd things!”

He Yu’s glare could wither any plant in bloom. His elbow against Xie Qingcheng’s neck presses down with even more pressure until it feels as if the cartilage there might snap in half. It’s clear he’s not listening to a thing Xie Qingcheng is saying. Some unspeakable thing seems to flash through his eyes.

“You’re mine ,” he coldly says under his breath. “Not anyone else’s.”

It’s difficult to speak. Xie Qingcheng’s words sound as if they’re clawing themselves up a meat grinder. “You… I’m not fucking anyone’s…”

“You’re mine,” He Yu repeats. 

In the next moment, he releases pressure from Xie Qingcheng’s neck. Xie Qingcheng barely had time to take a ragged gasp for breath when he’s suddenly flipped over, shoved into the door.

His pants and underwear are yanked down his hips. Xie Qingcheng blanches as he feels the cool air against himself.

He frantically tries to escape, shoving at He Yu’s thighs, but his wrists are grabbed and pinned to the basement door.

“What are you doing!?” Xie Qingcheng hisses out.

He Yu doesn’t waste any time shoving a finger inside Xie Qingcheng, and Xie Qingcheng bites down the sound that tries to jump from his mouth. 

Rather than answer, He Yu simply repeats, “You’re mine. Only mine.”

Xie Qingcheng feels sick to his stomach when he remembers Chen Man is only a door’s length from them. The panicked urge to fight back, to bang his fists, to kick and yell, is nearly unbearable, but doing so would only make it clear for Chen Man to hear what was happening. He would realize why He Yu had kept him here for all this time. The revolting things he had been using his body for, he would know all of it. 

What could he do but just stand there and accept it? He goes limp, gritting his teeth as He Yu forces in another finger too quickly after the first. It’s as if he’s trying to make it as painful as possible, making it clear this was his punishment, and Xie Qingcheng closes his eyes.

“Don’t do this,” he whispers through gritted teeth.

In response, He Yu thrusts his fingers in and out even more violently. “I’ll do what I want.”

“Not… not here! Fuck!”

“What’s wrong with doing it here? This is the best place. Why, are you embarrassed your little boyfriend might hear?” He Yu sneers. “It shouldn’t be anything he hasn’t heard before, with how much of a whore you are. He needs to know who you belong to.”

“Don’t…! He Yu—”

Xie Qingcheng’s mouth drops open, a garbled, agonized noise ripped from his throat when He Yu pushes in without warning. He immediately clamps his mouth shut and tenses his jaw, but he isn’t able to take back the noise, can barely breathe from the agony that explodes through him. His back instinctively arches as he tries to get away, his eyes watering in pain, his legs trembling. He Yu grabs him by the hips and shoves deeper inside. 

Though he’d told Chen Man to be quiet, and though Chen Man had obeyed for a moment, his words come out panicked upon hearing the noise. “Xie Ge? Are you okay? What’s happening out there!?”

Xie Qingcheng can’t breathe, let alone speak. All the blood in his face is drained, his eyes wet as He Yu spits onto the area they’re connected, slapping his ass. “What was that, Xie Ge? I thought you didn’t want him to hear? Could it be that you’re such a slut you want him to know how good you are taking my dick? If that’s the case, feel free to keep moaning!”

Chen Man’s voice goes even more panicked after not hearing a response. “Ge, say something!” 

It hurts. 

Normally when He Yu forced him to do this he would spend time stretching him out, using an excessive amount of lube just to be able to hear the obscene wet squelching noises that each thrust would produce, knowing full well how much Xie Qingcheng despised those sounds. This time, he had barely bothered with either, nor does he give him time to adjust, and Xie Qingcheng feels as if he’s breathing his last against the door.

He Yu violently thrusts into him, leaning over his back and holding onto his hips with a crushing grip as he pounds into him so harshly it’s as if he’s trying to carve a permanent path into his guts and replace them with his dick. 

Xie Qingcheng’s legs violently shake. It feels as if he’s being torn into pieces, completely stretched and ripped from the inside out. It burns. It burns. Though he wants to reply to Chen Man, he doesn’t trust himself to speak. 

That is, until Chen Man shouts, “Ge!”

He sounds afraid, and He Yu lowly laughs, biting and sucking at the side of Xie Qingcheng’s neck so aggressively he draws blood. He obsessively licks up the droplets as he holds Xie Qingcheng’s trembling body. “What’s wrong? Aren’t you going to reply to your sweet little boyfriend? You’re making him worried.”

Xie Qingcheng’s lips tremble, his eyes so wet from the pain it’s difficult to see anything at all. He doesn’t want to speak, but he also doesn’t want Chen Man to keep talking and say something that might get him killed, and so he steels himself and tries to even out his voice.

“Damn… damn it, didn’t I tell you to shut up!” Xie Qingcheng’s voice is strained, but he’s able to restrain the breathiness, the gasps for air. His brows furrow, his lips trembling even further. “I’m fine… I’m… fuck, I’m fine, so just sit there and be quiet! Damn!”

While he’s speaking, He Yu goes even faster, and so by the end of his last sentence Xie Qingcheng can only rush out the words. Once he’s done he lowers his head, trying to breathe but not being able to gasp in air without making noise. He can only suck in small, shaky breaths, to the point where it almost sounds as if he’s hyperventilating. He feels lightheaded. 

Chen Man doesn’t dare to say any more. His silence seems to spur He Yu on. Though he had been the one goading Xie Qingcheng into speaking, Xie Qingcheng actually doing so just makes his already awful mood worse. 

After thrusting a few more times, he grabs hold of one of Xie Qingcheng’s legs, lifting it up so he has better access to pound into him even deeper. “You’re so tight inside…too bad for Chen Man, he’ll never know how tight and hot you are. You’re such a slut, sucking me in so deep.”

The change in position is even more frightening, makes him feel as if he’s being speared straight through, his entire colon uncomfortably filled. An unbearable pain blossoms from deep within him with every thrust and he feels as if he’s going to collapse from the pain, losing all strength in his legs.

“You can only be fucked by me for the rest of your life… ah…only I can do this to you!”

He Yu holds him tighter, sucking at his neck, his nape. The sound of Xie Qingcheng being shoved back and forth against the door is a subtle but not inaudible one, the slaps of skin against skin obvious. Though Xie Qingcheng tries to muffle his voice, eventually, the small, quiet breaths he’d been trying to take aren’t enough, feeling as if they’re only filling a quarter of the space in his lungs before being forced out again with each of He Yu’s thrusts. 

In the end, he gasps and struggles for breath, clawing and pushing at He Yu’s thighs to try and get him to slow down, overwhelmed tears leaking from his eyes. It feels as if all strength is lost from his legs when He Yu finally comes inside of him, thrusting in as deep as he can go and completely filling him all the way to his stomach.

There was no way Chen Man hadn’t heard. It’s the only thing Xie Qingcheng can think as he breathes heavily, the only thing keeping him from collapsing being He Yu’s large hands wrapped around his chest. Humiliation and shame swirl through him as he weakly pushes at He Yu.

This had been happening for years now. He was more or less used to it; no matter how awful it was every time, no matter how disgusting it always made him feel afterward, no matter how much it hurt, it was something he had been forced to adapt to. 

At least no one knew about it, is what he’d told himself. If he had anything, if his pride had been ripped and torn to pieces long ago, then the only thing he had left was the fact that no one knew. In the eyes of those who loved and looked up to him, he was clean without being tainted by worldly things like lust or filth. He was someone who could be respected, someone they could look up to.

Except now, he…

Though Xie Qingcheng tries to stand up straight, tries to even out his posture, he can only gather the strength to slump against the door and continue to breathe heavily when He Yu pulls out. Self-hatred permeates through him and sinks to the very marrow of his bones.

He was revolting. 

The feeling only worsens when he feels cum begin to leak out of him, slowly dribbling down his thighs. It’s so uncomfortable he can barely stand it, but he can’t move. He Yu continues holding him in place, sucking and licking and biting at his neck as if he couldn’t stand to leave a single spot untouched.

“You belong to me,” He Yu murmurs against his neck. “I’m the only one who gets to fuck you. You live with me. You pay attention to me.”

Xie Qingcheng doesn’t respond, unable to stop the way his legs continue to uncontrollably tremble. 

Seeing him that way, He Yu laughs, rubbing a hand over his lower abdomen. “What happened to your voice? Are you too tired to cuss me out? Were you fucked too good?”

“Let…” Xie Qingcheng takes a shuddered breath. “Let me go.”

“Hm…” He Yu hums against his neck. “Why should I?”

There was no use arguing. Xie Qingcheng can’t find the energy for it and can only close his eyes, feeling used and humiliated. He hopes Chen Man had fallen unconscious, or at least, that he’d tuned out the noises, but he isn’t that naive. He knows that he’d heard.

Xie Qingcheng really was nothing more than a toy He Yu could use to get off. A living, breathing flesh light. A way to relieve himself. 

Neither of them say anything for a long time. Eventually though, He Yu finally lets go of Xie Qingcheng, roughly pulling up his pants and underwear for him. It takes all of Xie Qingcheng’s willpower to keep his legs from giving out underneath him.

His eyes are still closed when he hears the click, the subtle sound of a door opening. He lifts his head up, dazed, only to see He Yu smiling a devilish smile. 

He looked like he had truly gone mad. “Since you wanted to speak to Chen Man so much, I’ll let you have what you want. This way, he can clearly see that you belong to me.”

At first, Xie Qingcheng doesn’t fully process what he means. In his exhaustion, all he takes in is that the basement door had been opened. 

“What are you talking about…” he croaks, only to groan in surprise when He Yu suddenly grabs him and shoves him towards the basement door. “Stop–”

The door slams shut behind him, and his eyes widen in alarm when he realizes what exactly He Yu is doing. He’s so angry he can barely breathe but can hardly focus on that anger when he finds himself stumbling down the stairs, his weak legs unable to hold him upright after being shoved so violently. 

Seeing him fall, Chen Man quickly lunges forward to grab him before he can hit the cold concrete floor. Xie Qingcheng jerks.

“Don’t touch me!” 

He shoves him away, and Chen Man immediately lets go, holding his hands up.

“Ge…”

Xie Qingcheng suddenly feels desperate, even more humiliated. He knows exactly what his appearance made him seem like right now and he can hardly bear it. “Get away! Back away from me!”

Chen Man’s eyes are wet as he obediently backs away. A shattered expression lines his features, and he looks as if he might cry, seeming horrified and angry, but mostly, sad. 

“All this time, he was…”

“Stop,” Xie Qingcheng harshly says. He can’t stop the way his voice just barely trembles. “First, turn around.”

“You—”

“I fucking said turn around!” 

Chen Man turns around, and Xie Qingcheng feels a little less panicked knowing his unsightly appearance isn’t being seen anymore. He harshly wipes at the lingering wetness at the corners of his eyes and tries to position his collar to hide the marks on his neck, but it’s impossible. There were just too many. 

Even if he could hide everything, there was no hiding what had happened, no hiding the noises Chen Man had surely heard. Xie Qingcheng lets out a shaky breath, burying his face into his hands.

Why did He Yu have to put him down here with Chen Man? Why, in such a terrible, wretched state? It was as if he knew exactly the things Xie Qingcheng hated, knew exactly how to humiliate and hurt him the most.

It’s difficult to stand. His legs still hadn’t stopped shaking and the deep throbbing pain from inside him is almost unbearable. Seeing as Chen Man is still looking away, he slowly limps over to the wall nearest to him and leans against it, keeping his eyes shut.

For a long time, it’s completely silent. Xie Qingcheng keeps his eyes closed as he wills himself to calm down, shuddering and tracing the shapes of jellyfish over his hands. Eventually, his breathing evens out, his legs trembling a little less. Eventually, the anger and humiliation and shame within him whittles down into something like emptiness.

It’s as if his chest had been hollowed out, his organs carved from his body and thrown away so that he was no different than a rotting carcass. His emotions lock themselves away somewhere deep within himself, with a tiny caged window being the only view through to them. He disregards that window entirely. It wasn’t worth looking into. It would only make him feel worse.  

He remembers why he’d been talking to Chen Man in the first place. In an attempt to distract himself, Xie Qingcheng quietly asks, “Are you okay? You didn’t worsen anything by catching me, did you?”

His voice is hoarse. He hates himself for it, swallowing down the shame. 

There isn’t immediately a reply. 

“…No. I’m fine, Xie Ge. You don’t have to worry about me,” Chen Man eventually whispers. 

“Mn.”

He still hasn’t turned back around, standing on the opposite side of the room and facing the wall away from Xie Qingcheng. Xie Qingcheng is grateful for it.

It’s silent again. Eventually though, it seems Chen Man can bear it no longer. Xie Qingcheng flinches and raises his eyes from where they’d been lowered to the floor when Chen Man suddenly slams his fist into the wall.

“He Yu, that— that dog! He really… to you, he— he’s kept you here so long… What's wrong with him!? How could he do such a thing? He can’t get away with this! He’s a monster, a—”

Xie Qingcheng lowers his eyes again. “Just ignore it. Forget about it. You shouldn’t…” He takes a shaky breath. “You shouldn’t pollute your mind with such disgusting things. Don’t bring it up.”

“But Ge!” Chen Man suddenly whirls around to face him. His face is pale, tears clinging to his eyes, yet there’s also fury. “He did such a terrible thing to you! Are you really going to let him—”

“Chen Yan,” Xie Qingcheng quietly says. “Turn around.”

Upon seeing the grave expression on Xie Qingcheng’s face, Chen Man once again turns around so that he’s not facing him anymore. That doesn’t stop his hands from tightly curling into fists, nor does it stop the way he trembles in anger.

“Ge, I don’t understand. How can you be so calm when he just— just…”

“I don’t want to talk about this.”

“But—”

“I already said don’t mention it. I don’t feel like talking about it,” Xie Qingcheng snaps.

It was already bad enough Chen Man knew in the first place, but having him try to bring it up after the fact was even more humiliating, made Xie Qingcheng feel even more disgusting, filthy. It was as if someone was holding open a gaping flesh wound and filling it with crystals of salt.

Out of sympathy, or maybe it was for fear of Xie Qingcheng’s ire, Chen Man doesn’t bring it up again. In fact, he doesn’t say anything at all, sitting down and resting his head against the wall.

…It’s cold. Xie Qingcheng had forgotten how cool the basement would get. The pants and thin shirt he has on aren’t enough. Even his own body had gotten thinner with his worsening health, more unsightly. Xie Qingcheng tells himself his shudders are from the cold and not the discomfort that permeates throughout his body and makes it hard to think.

As slowly as possible, he lowers himself so that he’s sitting down on one of the stairs steps, gritting his teeth and clenching his jaw to avoid any of the humiliating noises that try to escape him. 

For a while, he looks at Chen Man’s broad back, reliable and familiar, yet dissimilar to the small kid he used to look after. Even just looking at him feels as if he’s contaminating him, feels as if he’s somehow getting him dirty, and Xie Qingcheng looks away. He wraps his arms around his knees and lowers his head.

He had to get Chen Man out. He had to figure out a way. 

It feels like an eternity of just sitting there. His head hurts. He feels sick and nauseous, his entire body radiating with pain. He doesn’t know what He Yu’s goal is, keeping him down there for so long. To begin with he hadn’t wanted Xie Qingcheng to speak to Chen Man at all, let alone be in the same space as him, so why was he dragging this out for so long? Surely keeping him down there for only a few minutes would be an adequate enough time to thoroughly humiliate him.

Sitting in the same position for so long exacerbates his discomfort. He grits his teeth and bears it. It feels humiliating to admit he’s waiting for He Yu to come let him out, but really, what else could he do? He despises being with Chen Man in this state. It was really too shameful. How could he even call himself a man anymore? It was a title hardly deserved. 

If he got out of this alive, would Chen Man ever be able to look at him the same way knowing this is how he’d been living for the past three years? No matter how Xie Qingcheng thinks about it, he can’t see that ever happening. He can hardly bear to face him. 

Time moves slowly, the air in the room stale and stuffy, as if the very molecules were lacking in oxygen. He forgot how slowly time crawled along when inside this god awful basement. 

By the time the door opens, he feels as if he might be going mad, feels as if he’s been sitting in his own filth, utterly disgusting and defiled. Upon hearing the sound he whips his head up. He shakily pushes himself to his feet.

Though curses sit on his tongue, they never come. He’s so tired. He just wants to leave and wash himself. 

He goes to walk up the stairs on his legs that had only just recently finally stopped trembling before he’s stopped by He Yu grabbing his wrist. “Where do you think you’re going?”

Xie Qingcheng’s sore eyes narrow. “I’m leaving. Haven’t I been here long enough?”

“You won’t leave until I say you can,” He Yu darkly says. “Right now, you’re going to stay and watch the show.”

Only then does Xie Qingcheng see the light reflecting off the knife tightly gripped in He Yu’s hand.

His eyes go wide, his heart slamming against his ribcage. He had thought he would have more time to figure everything out, to find a way to get Chen Man out of this hellhole, but He Yu was already—

“He Yu, you—”

“He Yu, you fucking bastard!” Chen Man shouts, cutting Xie Qingcheng off. He gives Xie Qingcheng a look that’s almost regretful before focusing his attention back to He Yu. “How dare you do something so beastly to Xie Ge!”

Xie Qingcheng wants to tell him to shut up again but from the look Chen Man had given him, he knows it will be completely useless. Feeling powerless, he quickly looks to He Yu, grabbing his arm to try and stop his advance towards Chen Man.

“He Yu, stop! Leave him alone, what has he done to you? Just leave this alone!” he tries to reason. 

He Yu scoffs. “What has he done to me? You saw very well what he did to me.”

“That was— you both beat each other, who cares anymore? You won’t have to deal with him if you just let him go!”

He Yu silently stares at him, his eyes bloodshot. After a moment, he grabs Xie Qingcheng’s wrists and yanks them up, pulling out zip ties that had been hidden in his pocket. Too fast for Xie Qingcheng to react in his exhaustion, his wrists are bound as he’s shoved to the ground. 

“Stay out of this. You’re here just to watch.” 

How was he supposed to just fucking sit there and watch a murder? Xie Qingcheng struggles to get up, forcing himself to his knees despite the shooting pain that burns from an unspeakable part of his body.

As he’s struggling to rise, Chen Man faces He Yu. “You! Don’t think I’m scared of you! I’ll make you pay for what you’ve done to Ge!”

He Yu’s eyes narrow. “Ge this, Ge that. You keep talking like you know him.”

“I’ve known him for half my life! Who are you to talk about how much I know him or not?”

That seems to irk He Yu. He steps closer to Chen Man. “You think knowing him for half your life is an achievement, huh? That doesn’t mean anything! I doubt you know anything important!”

“Why does this even matter? Stop trying to change the subject! What you did–”

He Yu cuts him off. “You think you know so much about Xie Qingcheng? Stop lying to yourself! Do you know what his face looks in the morning right after he’s woken up? Do you know what he looks like with tears of pleasure in his eyes as he’s taking cock up his ass? Do you know what he looks like with kiss marks all over his body? With cum leaking out of his hole?”

Chen Man’s face goes red, horror and mortification and fury taking over his features. 

“You…! How dare you!”

“You don’t! Only I know! I’m the only one who’s seen Xie Qingcheng like this. I’m the only one who’s seen who he really is! The Xie Qingcheng you think you know is a fake! A fake! You don’t know anything!” 

He Yu’s eyes are red as he lifts the knife, lunging forward to sink it down straight into Chen Man’s heart. Chen Man’s eyes widen, fear flashing through them in spite of the fearless front he’d been putting on. Right now, his wrists were tied– though it might be a fair fight otherwise, he was restrained and He Yu had a knife. There was only one outcome for an altercation like this. 

Xie Qingcheng finally jumps in. Though he’d originally been planning on trying to yank He Yu away from Chen Man, after a moment of thought, he’d realized how weak he’d become, how ineffectual a move like that might be.

Instead, he’d grabbed the thin blanket that had been on the mattress in the corner of the room while He Yu had been distracted. As soon as He Yu moves to stab Chen Man, Xie Qingcheng lunges forward and throws the blanket around He Yu’s neck, holding both sides and pulling it back as hard as he can so that He Yu chokes around it.

If He Yu had made any mistakes in his life, it was failing to tie Xie Qingcheng’s arms behind his back rather than in the front

“Chen Man, tackle him!” Xie Qingcheng yells, yanking even harder on the blanket and crouching down to make it difficult for He Yu to easily escape. Like this, the fabric is taut around his neck.

Xie Qingcheng glances back at the basement door. Though it was hard to tell from where they were, he can see that it’s still open just a crack. He Yu must have been so focused with such tunnel vision on killing Chen Man that he hadn’t bothered to close it after he had just thrown it open. If they could subdue He Yu now and make a run for it, if he held He Yu off, then maybe Chen Man could—

Though Chen Man had momentarily frozen in fear when he’d seen the knife lunging towards him, upon hearing Xie Qingcheng’s voice, he snaps out of it. 

Chen Man’s size wasn’t to be underestimated. Though he wasn’t abnormally huge, he wasn’t small, either. He was young and built, regularly working out to be more reliable in the police force. Despite having his wrists tied, when he barrels his full body weight into He Yu, it sends both of them to the ground.

In the process, Xie Qingcheng loses his grip on the blanket taut against He Yu’s neck. At the same time, the knife flies out of his hand and skitters across the room.

“Xie Qingcheng!” He Yu roars, unbridled rage in his eyes, his voice a little hoarse. “Stop getting in my way!” 

He’s already beginning to struggle picking himself up from where he’d been slammed to the ground, and Xie Qingcheng panics. There was no one who would be unscathed from having something yanking at their throat and being thrown to the ground from the weight of a full-grown man, but He Yu was resilient. They had to move quickly. 

He hurriedly yanks Chen Man up off the floor.  “The door is open! Run before he grabs you!”

“But what about—”

“Go! I’ll be right behind you, I can’t just leave that damn knife laying there!”

Chen Man looks hesitant, teetering on a decision. After seeing the look in Xie Qingcheng’s eyes though, he quickly nods, hurrying away and towards the stairs as fast as he can, still a little unsteady on his feet from the injuries he had sustained from his previous fight with He Yu. 

Seeing him making his escape, Xie Qingcheng turns his attention to the knife that had slid to the opposite side of the room. He dashes towards it, his heart feeling as if it's about to burst, his legs shaky from the adrenaline that feels as if it pumps his blood so fiercely the vessels are moments away from popping.

By the time he snatches the knife off the cool concrete floor it feels as if both an eternity and no time at all has passed. He turns around just in time to see He Yu reaching for Chen Man, and—

With all his strength fueled by both adrenaline and his momentum, He Yu slams his elbow into the upper-right side of his torso, right into his liver.

Chen Man’s legs buckle. He collapses with an agonized cry, his legs folding from under him. He crumples to the floor. 

With eyes almost shining red, an inhuman, wild look on his face, He Yu violently grabs Chen Man by the hair and holds him close to himself. He presses the sharp side of the key to the basement into the soft skin on the side of Chen Man’s neck, right where the most important arteries are.

“Don’t move, Xie Qingcheng,” he darkly says, breath choppy and ragged. “If you move I’ll kill him.”

In his grip Chen Man shakes, his eyes squeezed shut in agony as he struggles to breathe, wheezing as blood leaks from his lips. The key digs even deeper into his skin, and Xie Qingcheng freezes. His feet root themselves to the floor, his heart plunging to his stomach.

“Drop the knife,” He Yu commands.

Xie Qingcheng holds it for a second more before dropping it. The sound as it clatters to the ground is deafening. 

“Put your back to the wall and stand there. Don’t move from that spot.”

Xie Qingcheng’s breath is heavy as he takes shaky steps backwards until his back hits the wall. The entire surface of his skin feels as if it’s covered in cold sweat, all the blood that had been frantically pumping just a moment ago seeming to drain out all the pores in his body, leaving him hollow, freezing.

They had been so close. 

Still holding Chen Man, He Yu drags him across the floor as he slowly walks over to the knife and picks it up before backing away again. His lips twitch as he looks at Xie Qingcheng with a hollow gaze. “…Even now, you’re still defying me.”

The knife in his grip gleams under the light that reflects off it, seeming entirely natural in He Yu’s hand as he turns it back and forth, as if it’s some type of toy meant to be played with. 

He replaces the key he had pressed to Chen Man’s neck with the knife. Xie Qingcheng feels himself going even colder. He doesn’t breathe. 

Was he really about to watch Chen Man die in front of him? That kid he had known for half his life, the kid he had looked after when he’d lost his brother, the kid he had watched grow from a boy into a man, following in his dage’s footsteps and becoming a police officer. Was he about to watch his throat be split, his blood spilled and freely staining the floor of a basement that plagued his nightmares? 

This could have been prevented. It was Xie Qingcheng who ultimately caused this. It’s what he thinks in a panic as he looks at Chen Man locked in He Yu’s grip.

“He Yu.” Though he tries to sound calm, tries to ward off the panic that bubbles through his skin, it’s impossible to eliminate it from his voice. “He Yu, you don’t have to do this. It’s not too late to just let him go. You have an illness that makes you violent, but you don’t have to let it control you.”

He Yu looks at him with dull eyes. “Even now, you still try and act like my doctor. It pisses me off.”

“He Yu—”

He Yu continues holding Chen Man by a fistful of hair, angrily shaking him. “What does this man have that I don’t? His personality is horrible, his face is horrible, and he’s a fucking gay! And yet you treat him so well! Why is it that you’re so worried about him when you’ve never been worried about me? How do you explain that, Xie Qingcheng!?”

Though He Yu had been shaking Chen Man, now, his own body shakes. From anger, from pain, from adrenaline.

For a long time he heavily breathes, gripping onto Chen Man’s hair so harshly his knuckles had turned white. Eventually though, it’s as if he’s remembered something. As if a drop of sedative had been released into the liquid in his skull holding his brain. 

The look on his face goes from twisted and enraged to almost calm. The volume of his voice is low. “…That’s right. How could I forget? For people like me, our lives aren’t half as important as the lives of normal people. How could I ever expect you to care about someone like me? I’ve been thinking too highly of myself.”

Xie Qingcheng finds himself regretting all the things he’d said before, regrets having them on video for He Yu to find. He wants to explain everything to him, wants to tell him why he’d felt he had to say those things in the first place, but he knew it wouldn’t change anything now. 

The knife pressed against Chen Man moves from his neck to his shoulder as He Yu plunges the blade into the muscle. Though Chen Man tries to muffle himself, he can’t hold in his garbled scream of agony.

Xie Qingcheng jerks forward. “ Don’t—”

“Keep your back to the wall,” He Yu flatly says.

His legs shaking, his breaths coming heavily, Xie Qingcheng forces himself to keep his back to the wall as He Yu emotionlessly digs the knife deeper into Chen Man’s shoulder. He violently twists it around, pushing it in and out.

Chen Man screams. He screams bloody murder, thrashing and shaking his head, but He Yu has a death grip on him. Accompanying the sounds of his screams is the sickening sound of flesh being cut and severed with each violent twist of the knife.

Xie Qingcheng feels nauseous, feels as if he’s going to vomit, the sound of Chen Man’s screams shooting straight through his eardrums and making them feel as if they’re about to burst. He debates running over and trying to throw He Yu off him but knows that He Yu would be able to kill Chen Man faster than he’d be able to make it there. He can only stand there, his eyes wide with horror, his face green.

His voice shakes. “He Yu… He Yu, stop this. Stop this—”

Upon hearing his voice, Chen Man weakly raises his head. His expression is twisted in agony, tears rolling down his cheeks, splashes of red on his chin from the blood that had splattered from his shoulder. And yet, he forces out something that almost resembles a smile.

“I’m… Ge, don’t worry about m… me. I’m okay…” he whispers.

Xie Qingcheng’s heart feels as if it shatters into millions of pieces, clattering around his hollow ribcage. He Yu laughs a humorless laugh, digging the knife deeper, watching the way the almost smile rips itself off Chen Man’s face to be replaced by a look of unbridled anguish. 

“Look at that. He’s tougher than I thought,” He Yu says. He suddenly yanks out the knife with a wet squelch, pressing it to the area just under his heart. “I wonder how tough you’ll be when I carve out your heart. Do you think Xie Ge will be happy once I give it to him? Since he seems to love you so much.”

Chen Man coughs, his face white, completely devoid of color. Though he looks terrified, though tears shine on his cheeks and his thick brows are furrowed in agony, something like courage flickers across his terrified expression. 

“Do…” He grits his teeth. “Do whatever you want to me. I would never expect anything less from a monster like…like you,” he spits out. 

He Yu smiles. 

He doesn’t say anything as he yanks Chen Man’s shirt up and begins pressing the knife into his chest, slowly, so that he can feel every moment of the blade slowly breaking the skin, slowly cutting through fat and flesh, the sweet smell of blood wafting through the air.

Xie Qingcheng shouts and yells, tries to get him to stop, but He Yu had long since stopped listening to him. He concentrates on the task of cutting Chen Man open at an agonizingly slow pace, watching as the skin separates and peels under the gleaming blade of the knife. 

Chen Man doesn’t scream. He bites his lips bloody, clenching his jaw so tightly the blood vessels appear as if they’re about to burst. It looks as if he’s about to pass out from the strain, but he doesn’t scream.

As Xie Qingcheng is forced to do nothing but watch, a culmination of the absolute powerlessness he had been feeling over the past three years slams into him at full force, smothering him and shattering his bones to dust, his emotions to ashes.

Before all this, he was someone people could look up to. He lived his life for others. He protected them, looked after them, guided them, so that they could live a good life. If they needed a hand to hold, he would give it to them. If they needed a back to shield them, he would shield them. If they needed the warmth of an embrace, he would hold them.

All his life, he’d lived for other people. To him, it was what gave his existence meaning. Without this job he’d assigned to himself, his life had no meaning. It was seeing the people around him growing and learning how to take care of themselves that made him feel as if he had any purpose and wasn’t just a creature of flesh and blood that took up space and oxygen. All his life, he lived this way, and he had always tried his best to follow this philosophy and lifestyle. For years, he thought he was doing well.

And then he’d been brought here and stripped away of everything he knew. Rather than a person, he was a body to fuck, a thing used to cook breakfast and dinner, a shadow of a person. He had no control of what happened neither outside nor inside the walls of the house, nor did he have any way of looking after the people he had left behind. In that way, his life had lost its meaning.

When Chen Man had been captured, he realized his mistakes and knew he was liable for it all, knew it was his fault Chen Man was in such a position. He knew he had messed up and had vowed himself to get Chen Man out. It was his duty. It was his job. It was his meaning for existing.

And yet here he was, unable to do anything but stand there as he listens to his muffled cries, watching as he’s carved alive right in front of him. 

The person who was inflicting the pain, that person, too, was someone who Xie Qingcheng held a responsibility for. Someone he was supposed to guide, someone he was supposed to protect. Yet, things had ended up this way…

Really, how much had Xie Qingcheng failed in his life? 

Something wet and warm pricks at the corners of his eyes and trails down his cheeks. 

His vision is blurry, his breathing shaky. “He Yu… I’ll do whatever you want, so just stop it.”

He Yu looks up, his eyes widening when his gaze meets Xie Qingcheng.

Xie Qingcheng feels his chest jump and tremble, his words weak and shaky, wet in a way they normally never were. He chokes on a sob. 

“…Whatever you want me to do, I’ll do it. I’ll stay with you for the rest of my life. I’ll cook for you and watch television with you. I’ll play with you in bed whenever you want me to and let you do whatever you want to me. I’ll do it, so please… stop this. Don’t do this anymore.”

Xie Qingcheng closes his eyes.

“I beg you… just stop.”