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Chapter Text

You and Carl have known each other almost since birth. Your moms were friends for your whole lives which made you two built-in besties. 

At age 12 you were in school when you found out you were being released early due to a national emergency; something called "the wildfire virus". You were called to the office and told that your mom was stuck in traffic on her way from the city, and that you would be going home with Lori and Carl. The car ride was fairly quiet, both of them still upset about Rick, and now worried about this virus. When you arrived at your house Lori got out and gave you a big hug. 

"Be safe out there (y/n). You find one of your mom's guns, lock yourself in your room, and don't come out until your mom gets home, you hear me?" her tone the most serious you've ever heard. You nod. 

"I love you (y/n). I love you like you're my own daughter." tears well in her eyes as she says this. 

"I love you too Lori. Like you're my second mom." you beam at her. She gives you one last tight hug, kisses your head, and returns to the car. Quickly, Carl slides out of the back seat to say goodbye. 

"Before you go, I have something for you." he reaches into his backpack and pulls out a comic book. 

"Oh sick! Invincible volume 3! I haven't read this one yet. Are you sure I can have it?"

"Well you can BORROW it. Hopefully once you're done with it, this virus stuff will be over and you can give it back." he smiles at you. 

"You have my word. See you later Carl Grimes." you playfully punch his shoulder like you always do. He pauses for a second before abruptly pulling you into a hug. Surprised, you slowly grab him back and stay there for a few seconds. He pulls away, smiles and gets back into the van. You watch them drive away. Before you can turn to go inside, you see the family from the house across the street all running outside screaming, covered in blood. You stood there petrified. One of the family members crept out of the house, covered in blood, and started attacking the small child. Once your brain caught up, you quickly ran inside and followed Lori's instructions. 

Minutes turned into hours, hours to days, and days to a week. You only left your room at night to sneak into the bathroom or the kitchen for food. In the past week you've learned the walkers are attracted by light, noises, and smells, so you've been doing your best to stay hidden inside. Each night you stew in your room, your stomach churning with worry. So often you imagine your mom walking through the front door at any moment, as if thinking about it will make it happen. 

3 months later...

It's pretty safe to say your mom was dead. Or was going to be dead. Or there was some uncontrollable reason she hasn't made it home. Regardless though, you've come to the conclusion that you're alone. Completely alone. 

You've slowly been working up the courage to go outside, kill some walkers, find food and water, and huddle back up in your room. You learned you have to aim for the head, and you've become a pretty decent shot. Luckily, your mom had taught you how to protect yourself from your father, receiving gun lessons from your mom's friend Shane a couple years ago. 

Today, you were gearing up to head out again when you heard two voices walking past your house. You crouch and peek through the mail slot of your front door to investigate. It was an older man with what looks to be his son, about your age.

"You should turn the safety off now Duane. Just in case there's a surprise, you've gotta be ready." he says to the boy. Your eyes follow them as they come and go past your house. You slowly sneak out of the front door, hoping you could go scavenge without attracting their attention. As lonely as you were, you didn't trust ANYONE. You step out onto the sidewalk, eyes still on the pair, when suddenly, you're attacked. Gurgling in your ear and trying to bite your neck, you try pushing the walker off of you. You can't quite spin your body around to get to it and you try reaching for your knife.

"HELP!" you scream, hoping to attract the attention you so desperately avoided earlier. 

The walker pushes you onto the ground, blood dripping onto your jacket and chomping in your face. You can't hold back any longer and decide to accept your fate. You've lived long enough, if you can even call this living. You've just been sitting in your room, mourning your mom and wishing this was all a bad dream. Just then, you hear a gunshot as a bullet zips past your face and demolishes the head of the walker on top of you. The dark blood splatters onto your face, causing you to groan in disgust.

Your heart races and you're barely able to think, having never experienced so much terror in your life. The walker is lifted off of you and a hand extends down, offering some help. You slowly take it and stand yourself up, facing your saviours. 

"Are you ok sweetheart?" the older man gives you a concerned look. You take a deep breath and swallow, trying to compose yourself.

"I'm ok. Thank you for saving me." 

"Well, my son Duane was actually the one who shot the bullet." He motions to his son.

"Hi I'm Duane." He reaches his hand out and you accept the handshake.

"Hi, I'm (y/n). Awesome headshot! How did you get so good?"

"Thanks uh, I don't know. I just learned how to shoot a couple months ago." He blushes a bit at your compliment, but keeps his composure.

"I"m Morgan. It's nice to meet you. Are you alone here (y/n)?" his dad asks.

"Yeah. I've been alone this whole time. You guys are actually the first alive ones I've seen since the day I was dismissed early from school." Thinking about Carl and Lori puts a lump in your throat.

"All alone...? How old are you?" Morgan's face twists with concern.

"Um, well I was 12 when this started. I don't know exactly how long it's been. But my birthday might've passed, so maybe 13 now." Morgan chuckles in disbelief and looks back at his son.

"HAH! Duane, you better step it up. She's a year younger than you and she's out here surviving. All alone." Him and his son joke with each other. "Well, as impressive as that is, you're lucky we were here. Maybe it's about time you stop being alone. You could come with us? We were gearing up to go to Atlanta in a few days." 

"Why Atlanta? What's there?" you inquire. Duane pipes up.

"We heard there's a refugee camp there. It's quarantined. They got food, water, electricity, everything." He seems very excited at the idea.

"Yeah...that's what we heard. Plus we got a friend there. He said he'd wait for us if we wanted to join him, although he hasn't called us through the walky-talky yet. It's better than sitting here waiting." Morgan cautiously advises. You think about their offer for a second. Maybe your mom was just quarantined there. If you go, you'd definitely find out. Plus, not being alone anymore sounded really nice.

"I'd love to join you guys." you smiled, for the first time in a while.

You packed up everything you could. Some non-perishable foods, some water, some clothes, some guns, and of course your favourite comics. You lingered on Carl's Invincible comic, brushing your thumb against the bent corner where he fidgeted with the page as he read.

"I hope he's alive. I hope he made it somewhere safe with Lori..." you think to yourself before slipping it into your bag.

You hopped onto the sidewalk where Morgan and Duane waited for you. The three of you made your way down the road and you sighed, feeling happy to finally be moving on.

A week later...

 You struggled to lift your duffle bag up, overflowing with items you've scavenged from this basement. You see Morgan still searching the dark, eerie basement.

"I'll meet you out there Morgan." you say and he gives you a nod as he searches through the last few cabinets. The light at the top of the basement steps shone down as you make your way up. You spot Duane keeping watch at the front door and make your way towards him, until you hear a walker. She seems familiar when you realize, it's Duane's mom. Duane stands there, frozen with fear.

"Duane! Shoot it!" you yelled out to him. Morgan comes running up behind you at the sound of your scream. 

"Duane get out of the way!" you held up your gun, waiting for Duane to move so you could get a clear shot. Duane just turned around, about to run in your direction, but it was too late. You watch as hi mom's teeth sink into his flesh, ripping him apart. There were tears in your eyes as you shot her, now finally getting a clear path to her head. Morgan stays standing behind you for a moment, processing. He bursts into sobs, watching his son collapse to the ground. He runs up to Duane and holds his son in his arms as he bleeds out, unable to speak in his last moments of consciousness. You cried while kneeling next to the two, finally experiencing your first true loss from the apocalypse. 

The two of you buried him quickly, right next to the house where it happened. For the rest of the night Morgan didn't speak a word. He didn't show any emotion. You two never ended up going to Atlanta. You holed up in an apartment downtown where Morgan went absolutely insane, writing random phrases on the wall, saying cryptic things about having to "clear" and talking about how he "failed as a father". You took this as your cue to set out on your own. As dangerous as it sounded, you knew you wouldn't make any progress with Morgan. You wrote Morgan a note, explaining where you went, why you left, and said if he ever gets better to try and find you. Then in the middle of the night you slipped out, deciding to forget about Atlanta. You headed North to try to find some of your family in Virginia. You'd lost your mom, your best friend, and now the only two people you knew you could trust in the apocalypse. It was time to go it alone, or die trying.

Chapter Text

3 years later...

You'd been spying on these gates for a few days now. It seems like a pretty decent camp. Tall metal walls, electricity, and presumably food and water. You were still worried though. With your time on the road, the amount of good people to bad was discouraging to say the least. You think back to Terminus. It was shear luck that you got out of there alive. The warehouse flooded, making a great distraction as you slipped out the back with the others that were waiting to be killed. These people seemed less suspicious though. You'd seen people come and go. You heard them hosting parties and children playing. 

You pulled yourself up from the shrubs and walked out into the road. A man who was standing at the top of the tower immediately pulled his gun to his face to see you through the scope.

"Who are you?" he yells from the tower. 

"I'm...just a girl." you look up at him with puppy dog eyes, but he continues to appear very suspicious of you.

He rolls his eyes and hops off the tower. You were right in front of the gate now, waiting for it to open. You were met with a man, probably in his 20s, with short, wavy brown hair and some well-groomed facial hair.

"How'd you find this place?" He glares at you. 

"It's not exactly hard to find. I've been walking around these woods for months." He huffs, and holds his hand out for you to shake.

"I'm Spencer. What's your name?" You notice his other hand rests on his gun and you accept the handshake.

"I'm (y/n)...I-I could really use a place to sleep and some food to eat. Even just for a couple nights-" you start to tell him before he interrupts.

"Mmm. No room. We don't take just anyone in for their little sob stories." He shoos you away his hand still resting on his gun cautiously. You give him a dirty look as you turn to leave, until you hear a plea coming from behind Spencer.

"Who is this Spence?" You turn to see an older short woman. She looks very neat wearing a clean button up and some capris.

"She was just leaving mom-" Spencer was cutoff by his mom as she approaches you.

"My name is Deanna. I run this place. Is there anything I can help you with?" she pushes past Spencer and reaches her hand out for a handshake. You accept and smile.

"I'm (y/n). I was just looking for somewhere to rest, and this place seems pretty safe..." Deanna gives you a warm smile.

"Welcome to Alexandria." 

Deanna takes you to her house, stylishly cluttered with books and scholarly artifacts. 

"If you don't mind, I'd like to do an interview with you. It won't take long. I just like to document all my new residents and visitors." she sets a camcorder up on a tripod and motions for you to sit in her living room before hitting record. 

"Whenever you're ready (y/n)." You take a deep breath, thinking of the best way to start.

"I grew up in King County Georgia. I was about 12 when it started. My best friend's mom drove me home early from school because my mom was stuck in traffic on her way from work in Atlanta. But, months went by and I was still home alone, so I learned how to scavenge and kill the walkers. And then one day I found this man and his son. They helped me for a little while and we started to get close but, something happened and I had to split away from them unfortunately. But uh, I decided to head North to find some family in Virginia. I met some really amazing people on the way here. Also some not so amazing people...But ultimately I ended up here." She asks you a few questions and you elaborate on a few parts of your story, like the friends and enemies you'd made along the way. 

"What about your best friend? Tell me about her." she inquires, but thinking about it puts a lump in your throat.

"Um, he actually. His name's Carl, Carl Grimes. And uh, we basically grew up together. I trusted him with my life and he trusted me the same way. We were just...inseparable. Until, you know, the apocalypse." your eyes burn as you try your best to hold back your tears. "I don't think he made it though." 

Deanna turns the camera off and joins you on the couch. Her arm wraps behind your neck as she comforts you. 

"Why don't you think he made it?"

"I haven't seen him since that day. And everyone I ask, everywhere I've been, there's no signs of him.", You pause to wipe the tears from your face and sniffle,"I chose to accept he was gone a long time ago." Deanna nods, letting the two of you sit in silence for a second as your tears dry up. Abruptly she stands up.

"Well, we have 2 empty houses, but if you're only staying for a bit, I think it's best you just stay in our spare room. How about I show you around the house and then you get all cleaned up?" you nod and follow Deanna up the stairs in wonder. It had been AGES since you saw a place this nice. Clean windows, fresh laundry, air conditioning. It was more than you could've asked for. Finally, Deanna leads you to the bathroom. She sets out a fresh set of clothes for you and a towel.

As soon as the door shuts you turn on the water and peel off your dirty, sweaty clothes. You feel the room fill with steam as you test the water with your hand. It burned, but it was a good burn. Time was nonexistent as you showered, the dirt and dried walker blood flowed down the drain as you took the best shower of your life. After you reluctantly stepped out of the shower, you changed into the clothes, very over sized and clearly something of Spencer's she stole, and headed back downstairs. Deanna flashes you a bright smile as you enter the living room. 

"(y/n), you look amazing. Much better. Now, I'd like you to meet my family. There's Reg, Aiden, and Spencer, whom you've already met." The three men each greet you, even Spencer, who sheepishly apologizes for how he treated you earlier. You watch the family make conversation. They make inside jokes and chatter about common interests. You simply sit back, observing. You never had family like this, just a group of people all close and happy to be with each other. Your face warmed up watching them all. Then suddenly you hear a kitchen timer go off. 

"Dinner is ready. Who's ready for some spaghetti?" Deanna clasps her hands as everyone heads to the dining room. You absolutely devoured 2 full plates of spaghetti and a bowl of salad. After helping with the dishes, you headed to your room. You sighed as you collapsed on the bed, which felt like a cloud compared to the logs and old smelly cars you've been using lately. You comfort was interrupted when you hear a knock on the door. 

"Come in!" you yell, and Aiden opens the door. 

"Hey, uh, my mom told me to give you these." He holds out a stack of pyjamas. You take them and instantly your nose is filled with the scent of fresh laundry. Aiden watches in amusement as you sniff the clothes. 

"Thank you so much." you say and look up at him. 

"No problem. And uh, I had a question for you." You furl your eyebrow at him, but nod. 

"Being out there for so long, you must have some great survival skills. Would you wanna maybe go out on a run with us one day?" 

"A run?"

"Yeah like, a supply run. We just go out, scavenge, bring back whatever we can find." You take a moment to think about it. 

"Well, it depends if I stay long enough, but sure. Sounds fun." Aiden simply nods, leaving your room and shutting the door behind him. You take a deep sigh before flopping back down onto the bed. You stared at the ceiling, until your eye drooped closed. You didn't even get a chance to change into pyjamas before falling asleep.

In the morning Deanna shows you around the neighbourhood. Along the way you meet all the neighbours who seem like really well-intentioned people, but also very sheltered. You'd be surprised if any of them had even shot a gun before. The whole place felt like a fantasy land, everyone acting like nothing bad was going on out there.

Finally you end up at a light blue house with a red door, but Deanna takes you around back to the garage. 

"Jessie! How's the sculpture coming?" Deanna approaches the blonde as she fiddles with some scrap metal.

"Still just getting the skeleton up, but once I'm done it's going to be an amazing looking owl." she chuckles lightly and then moves her gaze to you.

"And who's this? A new member of Alexandria?" you sheepishly nod with uncertainty before answering audibly,

"Yeah...well, for the next few days anyway. I'm (y/n)." you reach out and shake her hand. 

"That's awesome! I'm Jessie. My husband Pete is upstairs with my youngest son Sam. My other son Ron, who's about your age, is probably hanging out with the other teens somewhere." You get caught up on the "other teens" part. Since being alone for so long, your socialization skills weren't the best. You were fine talking to adults, but talking to other teens stressed you the hell out.

"Wrong. Your son Ron is in the garage asking you what's for dinner." A skinny blonde boy approaches Jessie. He stares at you as he approaches, but looks away abruptly, seemingly catching himself staring.

"Oh, Ron! Meet (y/n), she's new here to Alexandria." Jessie motions for Ron to step closer to you. As he does he reaches his hand out for a handshake.

"Nice to meet you (y/n). How old are you?" he asks with a slight blush across his face.

"Um...15 now I think..." He nods and smiles. 

"Same." There's a moment of awkward silence as you think of something to save the conversation. Ron interrupts your train of thought. 

"Uh, do you like video games?" he inquires.

"Um, I haven't really played one in a couple years. I had a DS, but I broke it." 

"How did it break?" You look to the ground sheepishly. 

"I was fighting a walker. I tripped on a log and crushed everything in my bag." he chuckles at you.

"That's hilarious. Come on. We have an Xbox down the street. You're gonna love it." He grabs your wrist and drags you out of the garage. Jessie is snapped out of her conversation with Deanna.

"Hey! Ron, be careful. And be back by 6 for dinner please!" he waved at his mom dismissively as you two made your way down the street. 

That afternoon was filled with meeting new teenagers, learning to play video games (that felt scarily like life outside the walls), and trying to impress your peers with your stories of survival from the past 3 years.

You came back to your bed exhausted from your long day. Somehow a day of socializing and meeting new people was more exhausting than fighting for your life in the hot Virginian sun. You laid in bed thinking about everything. It really was nice here in Alexandria. Lots of friendly people, kids your age, hot showers, big dinners. Maybe you'll end up staying here longer than a few days...

Chapter Text

1 year later

You'd been at Alexandria for about a year now. Not much had changed. A few new faces here and there, but for the most part things were going great. You loved the plush comfort of being inside the walls, but you couldn't handle being inside all the time. You and your new friend Enid would go outside the walls and explore almost every day. You loved going to this strip mall a few miles away to try on fancy clothes and jewelry and act like you were pre-apocalypse teens, worrying about boys and homework.

Today, you and Enid were heading back from a fun afternoon beyond the walls when you two saw a group of people crowding around the front gate. The two of you hide in a burnt down house to scope them out. You bend over to tie your shoe as Enid watches them.

"It's mostly older men and women. Oh and they have a baby. And it looks like a boy about our age there." she says skeptically.

"Great. More testosterone." you joke with her. You two head around the side of the walls and sneak back over. 

"I'll see you tomorrow?" Enid gives you a last look. You nod as her and she sets off to her house. You climb up the ivy-covered lattice on the side of Deanna's house, slipping into your bedroom window and shutting it behind you. You unzip your backpack and take out all the goodies you found. One of which was the greatest thing you've ever owned and your new prized possession: Invincible volume 4! You've been rereading volumes 1-3 for years now. Although, you hoped it didn't end on a cliffhanger like volume 3, since there will never be a volume 5. As you skim through your new book, you get a small whiff of your oder. Crinkling your nose you decide to head to the shower to rinse off the dirt and sweat. 

As you stepped out of the bathroom you heard unfamiliar voices downstairs, assuming it's the people from the gate before. You bend your ear down the stairs, listening to Deanna speak to whomever she was interviewing . You jump slightly when you feel a hand on your shoulder and see Spencer behind you.

"Alexandria's about to get a LOT bigger (y/n). You ready?" You shrugged, not really knowing what to expect. The only person here newer than you was Enid, and she came alone. You had a hard time thinking of what to expect with a huge group coming in. 

"I don't know. We've never let in a group this big." you say cautiously. Spencer chuckles, shaking his head and going to his bedroom. You hear the front door open and close again as a new person enters. Deanna greets them, but the greeting she gets back is soft and a bit muffled. You slowly descend the stairs, cautiously spying on whoever was being interviewed. It sounded like it was the boy your age now. You listen to his soft voice as you get closer. Your face heats up, unable to stop yourself from already forming a crush on this new guy. It didn't help that you had to 3rd wheel Enid and Ron all the time, watching them cuddle and hold hands admittedly made you jealous. You hoped to have a connection like theirs one day. You slowly creep down the stair as the boy slowly comes into view, boots first, then jeans, then-

Your heart drops at the sight. He looked a lot different than he did when you last saw him, but also exactly the same. He still had his bright blue eyes and his dark brown hair, although a lot longer now. He was really dirty, just like you were when you arrived, and he looked exhausted.

"This is the kind of place my mom wanted for us." you heard him recite to the camera.

"Carl." you call out to with a whisper, almost involuntarily. This catches his attention and he turns to look at you. At first he was upset that someone was eavesdropping, but that quickly dissipated when he realized who you were.

"(y/n)." he said under his breath. You jumped off the stairs and ran to him. He immediately scooped you up into his arms and hugged you tight, tears streaming down his face. Nothing else existed in that moment. You had your best friend back. Not only a familiar face, but your favourite one.

Eventually you two parted and just looked each other up and down, taking in your new teenage appearances.

"That's why Carl and Rick Grimes were such familiar names to me. (y/n) talked about you two in her interview last year." Deanna smiled from the couch, happy tears welling up in her eyes. "Here, I'll give you two some privacy, come get me when you're ready." Deanna turned the camera off and went outside where the others in the group were waiting.

"I thought you were dead." he chokes out the words through tears.

"You really had no faith in me huh?" you joked. He chuckled and rolled his eyes. "I've been taking care of myself since this whole thing started." you put smugly. Carl reaches up and wipes the tears off your cheeks.

"I've just lost too many people. It's become such a norm, I just assumed." He looks at you with his tired eyes.

"It's ok. I kind of assumed you were dead too...Where's your mom? Is she outside?" you ask, excited to see another familiar face. Instead Carl just winces at the question. He tells you about what happened, the prison, and his new sister, and how he had to kill Lori. You're horror-struck as you listen, envisioning the last few moments you ever got to see her. 

"It had to be me..." he said defeated. You pull him in for another hug. His warmth feels just as good as it did the first time.

"I'm sorry Carl." You whisper again. You try to stop the tears from falling as you mourn your second mother. Those can wait until later, right now is supposed to be a happy reunion. You pull back and try to smile at him. 

"Hey, I have something for you! Close your eyes and wait right here." Carl closes his eyes as you run upstairs and grab his comic from your bag.

"Ok, open them now!" Carl opens it and lets out a loud laugh as you hand him the comic.

"I lent you this years ago. How do you still have it?" he asks.

"Well you made it very clear iI had to return it. I would never break a promise." He riffles through the pages quickly with a huge dumb smile plastered on his face. Just then someone walks in the door.

"Was that a Carl laugh I heard in here? I haven't heard one of those in years." Rick walks through the door with Deanna. You walk up to him and he envelopes you in a big, sweaty, smelly dad hug.

"It's so good to see you Rick. Weren't you in the hospital when this all began?" you ask in genuine confusion. He chuckled.

"Yeah. Just barely made it out a few weeks after everything started. I wouldn't have made it though if I didn't meet this nice guy and his son back in Georgia." you smiled, thinking back to Morgan and Duane. You acknowledge the similarity, but shrug it off as a coincidence. 

"Well how about we keep moving on with these interviews? (y/n), you can show Carl to his new home if you'd like." Deanna gently puts a hand on your shoulder.

"Yeah. I think he could use a shower." you punch him on the shoulder and you two walk outside.

"I missed your shoulder punches." he looks at you as you walk down the street, a slight blush (or maybe just sunburn) running across his face.

"Good. Because they're never gonna stop." You smile up at him, since now he was about half a foot taller than you.

"Aaand here's your shower, might wanna get working on that now. I can run to the pantry and find some clean clothes if you want." You stood in the doorway of the bathroom with him.

"Yeah that sounds nice. Thank you. So much (y/n)." he smiles to himself "It feels so good to say your name again." he chuckles. You blush a bit, grabbing a towel from the closet next door and tossing it to him.

You arrived about 20 minutes later with some jeans, a shirt, a flannel, underwear, and some socks for Carl, hoping you got all the sizes correct. However Carl still hadn't gotten out of the shower, so you decided you'd just set the pile of clothes in his room. As you were about to head out though, you got a little distracted as you examined the space. This room was clearly designed for a teenage boy; lots of posters, video games, a tv, and tons of CDs stacked on a shelf. You found an old disc man and decided to give it a listen. You only had a record player in your room, so hearing some modern music would be a good change of pace. You put the headphones on and pressed play, only to have your eardrums assaulted by some heavy metal music. You hurriedly search the shelf for other CDs with some better music on them. Suddenly you felt a tap on your shoulder, causing you to jump. You quickly stood up and turned around, meeting face to face with a shirtless Carl, only a towel wrapped around his waist. You took the headphones off quickly with your shaky hands.

"Hah, what are you listening to? Anything good?" he put his ear up to the headphones and quickly made a disgusted face. "No. Definitely not good." he chuckled. Embarrassed, you pressed pause on the disc man and set it on the nightstand.

"Uhm, I'm sorry I was just dropping off your clothes for you." you gestured over to the clothes on the bed.

"Oh, thanks!" he says going over to examine what you picked out.

"No problem." you squeaked as you exited and closed the door behind you. You just leaned against the door, needing a moment to calm down. A blush spread across your face as you couldn't get the image of him out of your mind. You saw his tan lines that caramelized his arms, his little freckles that kissed his shoulders and nose, his bare chest that had grown a lot more muscular over the years, his v-line and happy trail leading down to his towel. You mentally slapped yourself, trying to break out of this train of thought.

"What am I thinking?! Carl's my best friend. I can't let feelings ruin this. But oh my god my face has never been hotter with embarrassment..." you think to yourself. Eventually you feel the door open behind you and you quickly jump away and turn around.

"Hey, you wanna go meet the other people in my group?" he asks, his hair damp and face glowing.

"Uh yep! Let's go." you say as you try to wipe the dumb smile off your face.

Carl's POV

(y/n) closes the door behind her and I tug at the top of my towel. I hope I didn't freak her out too much, and I hope she wasn't grossed out by me. It's crazy how I haven't seen her in so long and yet it feels like no time has passed. I'm so comfortable around her again. As soon as I saw her face, all my feelings came rushing back to me. The way she smiles, the way her hair falls around her face, her little giggles and mannerisms. I know she was nervous, but I can't help but wonder if that was out of discomfort or...arousal? I shake the thoughts away from my head. I can't ruin what we have with a stupid crush.

But fuck, I really wanna kiss her. 

Chapter Text

After about 10 introductions in,  you were exhausted. Everyone in Carl's group was really nice and made you feel instantly welcomed. Except Daryl, but you conclude that he's secretly a huge teddy bear and you're determined to crack him one day.  

The sun begins to set and as night fell, more and more of Carl's group settled into the house. Even though they were given 2 houses, they all slept together in one room in the same house.

"I think it's really cute that everyone wants to stay together. You guys must all be really close." you say to Carl as you two watch the group setting things up from the sidelines.

"We are. We've been through a lot together, even the newer people. We're basically like a family." he smiles and looks down at you. You notice him staring out of the corner of your eye, but you decide to let him. He's probably still getting used to seeing you again. 

Deanna shows up at the door to make sure everyone is settled before she goes home for the night. You decide to head out with her. It wasn't like she was your mom or anything, but she let you stay at her house, so the least you could do was be home by a reasonable hour.

"I'll see you tomorrow Carl." you give him a tight hug and he hugs you right back.

"See you tomorrow (y/n)." He pulls away from the hug and you notice a light blush dusting his cheeks. 

You get cozy in your bed, but you're way too excited to sleep. Getting to see Carl and Rick again and meeting a whole group of strong, amazing people was too much for you to feel tired. You decide to get re-dressed and sneak out for a little late night walk, as you do on occasion. 

"Curfew just means go home at a certain time, doesn't mean you have to stay there, right?" you giggle to yourself, loving the feeling of being a little rebellious. You climb down the lattice below your window and drop down into the grass. You decide to walk around the dimly lit streets of Alexandria, since you didn't wanna risk getting hurt or dying as soon as you'd reunited with Carl. The streets are quiet, the only sounds being the bugs chirping in the forest and the buzzing of the electricity generators. It was a great time to let your mind wander and think all the thoughts you had racing through your mind.

"I can't believe he's back. All the way up in Virginia, after my years of turmoil on the road...all alone, he's back. And it feels just the same. He's still the same Carl. It's so good to see the world hasn't made him into a monster. He's still my Carl. Maybe it's because of his group. They all seem like really level-headed, strong, caring people.

Maybe I could join Carl's group. At least start hanging out with them more, take trips outside the walls with them, maybe even move in with them eventually. They all seem like survivalists like me. They can clearly handle themselves outside the walls, unlike others here."

Then you started fantasizing about you and Carl. Outside the walls together, having fun and goofing off like the old days. You weren't sure what to think about what happened in his room earlier that day though. You remember in school people would always poke fun at you two and say you were dating and gonna get married one day. But you never really saw him as more than a friend. You tried not to anyways. At most you two would hold hands or occasionally grant the other a kiss on the cheek, but you always thought it was platonic. Maybe seeing him in nothing but a towel kind of changed everything. Now you felt like doing a little more than just holding his hand or kissing his cheek. The apocalypse hardly seems like the right time to fall in love though. You shouldn't get distracted. You should be focusing on surviving, gathering food, killing walkers.

"I bet Carl looks really hot when he's killing walkers. All bad ass, sweaty, out of breath, his hair slightly messy..."

Dammit. You curse yourself for the intrusive thought. 

Your thought stream is completely broken when you see someone sitting at the gazebo near the end of town. You see a small flashlight propped up and pointed at a comic book, cluing you into exactly who it is.

"Can't sleep?" you ask, startling him a bit. 

"No," he chuckles, "It's almost too quiet and cozy for me to relax...I'm sure you've read this a million times already but, wanna read with me?" he asks and pats the spot next to him. You nod and get comfortable in your seat, leaning in close to him to see the pages. You were comfortable walking, but the night air made you chilly as you just sat there. Carl notices you slightly shivering.

"Here." he says as he sets the comic aside and begins taking off his flannel. You nuzzle into it as he wraps it around you, thankful for the heat, and he flashes you a satisfied smile. 

"Aren't you going to get cold though?" 

"Nah. I don't really get cold. The flannel's just for looks." he jokes as you resume reading. After a while, your eyelids start to get heavier and heavier with each tiny word you read on the page. 

Carl's POV

(y/n)'s head falls on my shoulder as she drifts off to sleep. I can't even focus on the comic anymore; she's so adorable and innocent with her head perched on my shoulder. I turn the flashlight off and close the comic, just fully taking in her beauty. I reach my hand up and run my fingers through her hair. I couldn't have gotten more lucky. Finding my soulmate again after years of thinking she's dead. If dad's right and we end up leaving this place, I'm taking her with me. I'm never letting her out of my sight again. I'll do anything I can to protect her now. 

As I stare at her sleeping face, my eyelids start to get heavy. I'm having trouble staying awake.

but...

I can't...

wake her...

up....

Your POV

"CARL!" 

"(Y/N)!" 

"CARLLLLL!" 

You wake up to your's and Carl's names being shouted. You didn't recognize where you were, but you're sure that it's not where you're supposed to be. 

"Oh shit, there they are. I found them Deanna!" you hear Rick furiously over your shoulder as you and Carl both begin to gain consciousness. 

"So, you two just decided it was a good idea to sneak out at night?" Deanna scolds you as you two sit on the gazebo bench.

"W-we're sorry Deanna. I was just going for a walk to clear my head, but then I saw Carl here, and I guess we just accidentally fell asleep." you plead, feeling like a dog with your tail between your legs.

"Yeah, dad, I wanted to do some reading, but I didn't wanna keep anyone up so I came out here..." Carl pleads the same way to Rick, but he still looks furious.

"I was worried sick about you. I thought you were kidnapped or something. Then I went to Deanna and she said she couldn't find (y/n) either." Rick gives the two of you a menacing look, but you could tell deep down, he understood. He knew how much Carl missed you. He was just angry at the panic you two created.

"Next time you think about sneaking out, DON'T." Deanna points at you two and walks back home. Rick lingers though, waiting for Deanna to leave.

"I know you guys miss each other. At least I know how much you miss (y/n), Carl. But we don't even know if we're staying that long." Rick gives you both a pleading look, trying to not disappoint you too much, but knows he needs to be honest. "I've been looking at these walls they don't seem that secure. And they don't even have a guard at the walls 24/7." Carls gives his dad an angry look.

"But dad we've only been here for one night. Let's just wait it out a little and see! Can't we just-" Rick cuts him off. 

"I'm just saying Carl. Enjoy your time together here now. I don't know much longer we're staying here..." Rick walks away and Carl looks over at you, your hair still a bit of a mess from sleeping on his shoulder all night.

"If we go...would you come with us?" he says, his blue eyes begging you to say yes.

"I-I don't know Carl. I mean I love your group. And I don't mind being outside the walls for a little while but, I don't know if I can live on the road again. I was on the road for 3 years..."

"Yeah but you were alone. You'd have me and 13 other people alongside you. We can take care of you. I can take care of you."

"You don't understand. I have a life here now. These people are my family. It's hard for me to leave it all behind. I wanna say I would but, I can't give a definite answer now." Carl just gives you a nasty look and leaves you alone in the gazebo.

"I mean I know I said I'd want to become a part of their group, but leaving town to be out there full-time again? Not knowing where my next meal would come from or if I'd be able to drink water on a given day. There'd have to be a way to get them to stay." you think to yourself as you walk home. You get dressed in some different clothes and freshen up in the bathroom, then you hear a knock on your door.

"Hey (y/n). We're heading out with some of the newbies for a dry run. Wanna come?" Aiden almost always took you when they went out, knowing how you enjoyed the excitement. Although they weren't quite as brave or skilled as you, they were great at finding places to scavenge. 

"Yeah, give me a sec. I'll be right out."

Outside you met with Noah, Tara, and Glenn, all of whom you briefly introduced yourself to yesterday, as well as Aiden and Nicholas. 

"Alright. Everyone ready?" Aiden asks. The group collectively nodded and we all stepped outside the gate. 

Chapter Text

Carl's POV (same day as previous chapter)

(y/n) went out on a dry run and everyone else is out around town starting their assigned jobs or meeting the neighbours, leaving me extremely bored.

"Hey Carl, I'm going out. How about you come with me?" dad asks standing in my doorway. I accept, and he leads me out into the middle of the woods to this abandoned mobile home with a huge pile of junk next to it.

"Um...why are we out here dad?" I look around in confusion.

"I just wanted to check something real quick." He bends down and opens a container, seeing it's empty. He sighs and sets it back before turning to me. "But I also wanted to talk to you. In private." I nod, inviting him to speak.

"Look, I'm sorry I got so angry this morning. I was just worried. We're in a strange new place. I thought maybe they took you or killed you or something. I apologize."

"It's ok dad. I get it." I shoot him a little half smile.

"Now about (y/n). I'm happy you two found each other, I really am. But I'm just worried you're gonna get too attached before we leave here. Are you...gonna be ok if you have to split up again?" Anger boils up inside of me as I think about leaving her. I was still a bit upset at her from this morning for not saying she'd come with if we left. But deep down I understand. I wouldn't wanna leave my home either. I mean, I don't wanna leave Alexandria and I've only been here one night.

"I'd stay here. With her." Dad gives me a half dumfounded, half furious look. "If you wanted to leave I'd have to stay with her. I've been away from her for long enough." I give him my most serious expression, trying to get him to understand.

"Now Carl you know I won't let that happen. I can't just leave you here you're supposed to stay with me." dad's voice raises as it does when he's angry.

"Then let's stay. If we see something we don't like we can handle it, but if they wanted to hurt us or kill us or steal from us, they already would have." I take a deep sigh and look at my dad's stoic expression. "Look I can't bear to be apart from her anymore. Seeing her again now, it'd be torture to part from her again. You have to understand dad. How would you feel if it was mom?" Dad's face was really furious this time, but it eventually softened. He nods at me and puts his hand on my shoulder, pulling me in closer.

"Be honest. Do you think you love her, Carl?" my dad asks kind of awkwardly. We've never really gotten a chance to talk about girls and stuff yet. My body tenses up and I get nervous.

"W-what kind of love do you mean, dad?"

"I mean...the way I loved your mom. You wanna be with her?" he asks, this time a bit more confidently. I gulp and respond, flustered.

"Yeah. I do. I love her. So much." my heart pounds out of my chest and my cheeks get hot. Dad looks at me, probably half upset that my love makes things complicated for him, but also half happy for me.

"Ok then. I'll keep that in mind." dad pats me on the back. I let out a huge sigh and try calming myself down. That is, until a small group of walkers approaches us. Dad shoots me a look.

"Get ready." he says as we pull our knives up, ready to take them on.

Your POV

We headed out into the woods, going nowhere in particular to my knowledge. Some members of the party engage in small talk as we zig-zag through the trees.

"So you're a friend of Carl's? Like, from before all of this?" Glenn walks up next to you, trying to engage in his own small talk.

"Yeah. Carl's mom Lori and my mom were best friends. They made sure Carl and I were born around the same time so we could grow up together." you take a break from watching the ground to shoot him a smile.

"That's awesome that you guys found each other. You're really lucky."

"I know. It's crazy luck. I hadn't seen him since the day the world went to shit...Where were you when this all started?"

"Well, I was delivering pizzas in Atlanta, but my family is from Michigan. I didn't really get a chance to go look for them or wait around for them to find me." he pauses for a second. "But it's ok. If they're dead, that's ok. Because I wouldn't want them to live in a world like this anyway."

"I'm sorry Glenn. I feel the same way about my mother. My mom was supposed to come home after school, but she never came back from Atlanta. I was alone the whole time before I came to Alexandria. I mean I had small groups here and there, but they ended up dying or we'd split ways." He shoots you a smile this time.

"Jesus, that's really impressive dude. A teenage girl surviving all on her own?" He lowers his voice and gets closer to your ear. "I bet you're stronger than Aiden and Nicholas combined." you both chuckle and you smugly nod in agreement.

"Eh. Sometimes it was really scary, and I'd almost lose hope. I just wished I'd die in my sleep or I'd wake up and it was all a bad dream. But it's not all bad I guess. Not worrying about money, or going to school, or getting a job." He smiles and nods.

"Yeah I definitely see some bright sides to the end of the world. If this all hadn't happened, I wouldn't have met my wife, Maggie." his face lights up just at the mention of her name. You shoot him a surprised look.

"You really fell in love and got married during an apocalypse? Didn't you feel...I don't know...guilty? Like there are better things to do than fall in love?" Glenn immediately shook his head.

"Absolutely not. You can't control love (y/n). Even when the world's ending. There's no use trying to fight it. Plus, love makes staying alive mean that much more." You were taken aback by Glenn's wisdom. Maybe liking Carl wasn't such a bad thing? Maybe there is time for love. "I think the world needs a little more love anyways, don't you?" he nudges your arm with his elbow.

"Maybe you're right..." You trail off at the end of your thought.

"I'm gonna take a wild guess here and say you have a crush on someone." He gives you a sly smirk and you look at him, fear in your eyes.

"Um well. I don't exactly know yet. I've never had a real crush before in my life so I don't know what it feels like." Glenn continues his cheeky smirk.

"Do you get a little nervous when you talk to him? Maybe start wishing you were around him all the time? Not wanting to leave his side?" you sheepishly nod. "Could you just stare into his dreamy blue eyes all day...?" Glenn jokingly coos and you nod with a smile extending on your face. That smiles drops, though, when you realize.

"Oh...I'm guessing you already know who it is..." Glenn just nods and smirks, very satisfied with himself.

"Don't worry. I won't say anything."

"Thanks Glenn. I don't want him to find out from anyone but me." Glenn nods and mocks himself zipping his lips. A few seconds pass before Glenn breaks the silence abruptly.

"I'm just saying though, you should totally go for it. I have a feeling he probably feels the same..." Glenn hints to you and you give him a confused look. Before you can question how he'd know that, Aiden interrupts.

"The reason you newbies are here is because we recently lost 4 people in our group. They got killed by a pack of roamers." He announces to the group.

"But don't worry, we got our revenge. We captured one of the roamers that killed them. We like to use him for target practice." Nicholas chimes in.

"Yeah. We like to warm ourselves up. Get ready to face what's out there." To your horror, Aiden shows you guys a chain tied to a tree with fresh walker guts stringing from the end.

"Oh shit! It got away!" Aiden exclaims. You, Glenn, Tara, and Noah all look at each other in shock. You try to shoot them a look at says "I knew nothing about this I swear." hoping they didn't think you were apart of this. Then Nicholas whistles really loud and Glenn whisper-yells at him to quiet down. Suddenly, the walker appears out from behind a tree and begins attacking Aiden. He tussles with it, trying to tie it back up, but it's getting way too hostile to do so. Biting and growling, trying to get to Aiden's flesh. He throws the walker off himself and onto Tara. She fights with it for a few seconds, but you quickly swing your knife down into the walker's skull, and she throws it off of herself.

"What the hell (y/n)? I had that! I was gonna tie him back up! Don't you care about what happened to-" You cut him off.

"What you were doing here is completely irresponsible! You could've killed her!" you look at each other with anger. "We're going back. Right now." you, Glenn, Tara, and Noah lead Nicholas and Aiden back to Alexandria.

When you walk through the gates, Aiden immediately announces that the "newbies" aren't ready for runs yet.

"Yeah I'm pretty sure you got that backwards." Glenn retorts. The two break into a screaming match, arguing about what happened out there. Then Aiden took a swing at Glenn, who ducked just in time, then took his swing. His fist connected with Aiden's jaw and it knocked him to the ground. This causes Nicholas to charge at Glenn, but you step in the way, hoping he'd stop in time to avoid hitting you. That wasn't the case though, and Nicholas swung his fist right into the side of your face. Pain shoots through the connection and travels through your entire cranium as you fall to the ground. You laid there for a second unable to move, until you felt someone sit next to you and sit you up, trying to keep you from passing out. In a wave of consciousness, you realized all the screaming has stopped. Deanna's pleas, Aiden cursing at Glenn, the various exclamations of concern from the other residents. All you heard was someone whispering in your ear.

"It's gonna be ok (y/n). I'm here. Just stay with me, I'll take care of you..."

Chapter Text

Carl's POV

My dad and I walk through the gates, which are already wide open. We see a crowd gathered around. Deanna pleads to her son to stop whatever he's doing.

"Why did you let these people in here?" he asks his mom.

Glenn responds "Because we actually know what we're doing out there." Then suddenly, Aiden takes a swing at Glenn, who ducks just in time to hit him back, knocking him onto the ground. Dad and I run in to try and stop the fight. Then this guy with curly hair charges and raises his fist to hit Glenn, but (y/n) gets in the way, and takes the blow instead. I watch her body fall to the ground, seemingly knocked out cold, and I immediately rush to her side. I hold her in my arms and examine her wound. Not only do I already see a bruise forming, but he managed to cut her face open, causing blood to drip down the side of her face. The curly haired dickhead looks down with genuine fear and regret in his eyes.

"Kid I am so sorry. I was aiming for Glenn I didn't have enough time to-" I cut off his little apology.

"If you guys didn't start a fight in the first place, this wouldn't have happened." I glare at him. He gives me a sad look and walks away.

"It's gonna be ok (y/n). I'm here. Just stay with me, I'll take care of you..." I whisper in her ear as her eyes finally flutter open. She sits herself up and touches the pool of blood on the side of her face.

"Let's get her to the infirmary." Deanna helps her up and we both get her to the doctor.

As (y/n) lay unconscious, Dr. Anderson scrambling around to retrieve his supplies, Deanna and I stand alone in the corner.

"I don't mean to pry but I'm a very nosy creature, so I'm gonna ask anyways. How long have you loved her for?" I feel a warm blush creep onto my face.

"W-well she's been my friend my whole life. So I guess I've always cared about her to some...capacity..." I try to play it off, but she just gives me a smug grin.

"Don't wait too long to admit it Carl, ok? Especially in this world, you never know when it might be your last chance." Her eyes are playful, yet serious. I nod my head.

"I know you're right. I'm just...a little scared. I'm more scared of that than the walkers." Deanna chuckles lightly. She places a firm hand on my shoulder.

"There is nothing to be scared about with love. I'll tell you what, I've been planning a welcome party for your whole group tonight. How about you come and tell her there? Everyone will be in a good mood, and if it goes bad and you need some time alone, everyone will be busy at the party." I sigh as I take a second to think. It sounds like a decent idea to me, but before I can say anything (y/n) wakes back up and I immediately run to her side.

Your POV

Ron's dad puts the last stitch into my head and snips the rest of the string off.

"There ya go (y/n). I can take the stitches out in a few weeks..it might leave a bit of a scar." I sigh.

"I really don't want to have an ugly scar on the side of my face for the rest of my life. Thanks Nicholas." you think to yourself. Crowded around you was Deanna, Carl, Ron, Enid, and Rick. You felt really crowded as everyone watched your entire medical procedure.

"You guys really don't have to stay. I just have a small headache, but I'm fine now." You hop off the chair where you sat. They all look around at each other and realize how claustrophobic you must feel. Everyone says their goodbyes individually. Lastly, Carl walks up to you.

"I'm guessing that was a really nice way of asking everyone to fuck off?" he jokes, getting close to your ear to make sure no one else heard. You giggle and nod.

"I think I'm gonna head back to Deanna's. I could use a little rest in my own bed." You and Carl take a walk from the infirmary, glancing over at each other occasionally.

"I'm sorry for getting upset with you this morning." he pipes up.

"It's ok Carl. I get it. I wouldn't want to part from you either. But I also don't want to part from my family here. It's just-" he cuts you off before you can finish explaining.

"I'd stay here with you." he blurts out and looks over to see your reaction. You're shocked to hear him make such a sacrifice.

"No Carl, you shouldn't do that. Why would you leave your dad and all your friends-"

"Because I-" he stops himself for a moment, "Because I don't want to lose you again. I have to stay with you." The both of you continue walking in silence for a while, before he pipes up again.

"But let's hope my dad decides to stay, ok?" he gives you a reassuring look, and you smile back. As you approach Deanna's house, you remember something you've been meaning to ask.

"Hey are you going to Deanna's party tonight? I think it's gonna be pretty fun..." Carl smirks at your excitement.

"Uh, yeah. Deanna invited us earlier. The question is, are you going to be up for a party? You don't think you should rest more?" You roll your eyes.

"Yes I'll be fine. I'm always down for one of Deanna's parties. I'll just take a nap beforehand." He smiles.

"I'll see you there then." You wave at each other as you part. Once you're in your room you flop on the bed, though cautiously so you don't touch the gash on your head. You curl up into your sheets, feeling the painkillers from Dr. Anderson finally kicking in, and fall fast asleep.

A few hours later...

You give yourself one last look in the mirror, delicately tracing your fingers over your stitches. Frowning at yourself, you can't help but feel annoyed with the inconvenience of having this ugly mark on your face. You sigh, deciding it's time to join the party, despite your distain for your appearance.

You slowly make your way down the stairs and scan the room. You notice Carl standing in the corner of the room, slowly sipping a cup of apple cider, and looking very emo. You skip over to him. As you notices you his face goes from apathy to delight.

"Hey (y/n). You look...great..." he says with a small blush creeping on to his face. "I mean compared to being at the doctor's today. You look a lot better." A bit disappointed that he wasn't just complimenting your appearance in general, you still smile at him.

"Thanks Carl. I feel a lot better too." he smiles back, but there's clearly something on his mind.

"This feels really...weird." he says to you wearily. Despite attending many Alexandrian parties in the past year, you also still felt a bit weird. Knowing what's out there while you're in here pretending it doesn't exist.

"Yeah. Don't worry, you never get used to it." you joke with him. He puts on a light smile, but you can tell he feels nervous inside. Just then you see Ron's family all walk in. You smile and wave to Ron to come over and join you two. You notice Carl looks at Ron apprehensively as he makes his way over to you guys.

"Hey (y/n), and uh...what was your name again?" he sticks his hand out to Carl, who gingerly accepts it.

"Carl." he says plainly.

"Right. Carl. Nice to formally meet you. (y/n)'s told me some stuff about you. How you two knew each other before, and how you're great friends. And you're like a brother to her." Ron smirks. You knew you never said anything like that to him, but you guess it's a fair assumption to make about life-long friends, being so close you feel related. But that's not how you felt with Carl. Yeah sometimes you'd poke fun at each other and joke around, but you weren't afraid to show affection and let each other know how much you care for each other. Your thoughts are interrupted by Sam. He walks over to the three of you with a letter A stamp.

"You guys don't have stamps yet. Do you want a stamp?" Sam hold out his little stamper. Carl looks at you puzzled.

"Yes Sam I'd love a stamp." You and Ron hold out your hands and receive a stamp, and then Carl follows suit. Sam scampers away before you can say anything else.

"What does the A stand for?" Carl asks.

Ron shrugs, "I have no clue. He just likes to go around stamping people." you three chuckle a little in confusion. Then Ron turns to you.

"Hey uh (y/n), can I talk to you outside for a second. In private?" You give Carl a look and he reassures you he'll be ok on his own, although he looks a bit disappointed still. So you follow Ron outside on the porch, away from all the noises of the party. The sun was almost fully set, making the porch very dark and almost eerie. The two of you lean on the railing.

"So what did you want to talk about Ron?" you ask. He gives you a solemn look and takes a deep breath before answering.

"Enid broke up with me." Shocked, you put a hand on his shoulder to comfort him.

"Oh, I'm sorry Ron. Did she say why?" you ask. Ron stands up straight now and faces you more formally.

"She just said she doesn't want a boyfriend right now. She just sees me as a friend, that's it. Which is honestly worse than her saying she hates my guts and never wants to see me again." Ron's breathing gets quicker as he tries holding back tears. Suddenly he pulls you into a hug. Hugging him felt weird but you went along with it anyway, hoping it would make him feel better. Eventually he pulls away slightly, but continues holding you in his arms. You try to lightly pull away to give him a sign you wanted to stop, but he doesn't. Ron looks at you, moving his eyes from your forehead, to your eyes, to your lips. Before you could even register what was happening he crashes his lips against yours. You feel his face hot against yours and you try to push him off, but he has a pretty good grip on you. He kissed you for about a full 5 seconds until he finally pulls away, out of breath. You push him away in disgust, angry for what your friend had just done. He shoots you a face of anger, not regret.

"Look (y/n) I'm sorry it just felt like-" Ron tries to save face but you cut him off.

"It doesn't matter what it felt like to you. I don't like you like that, ok? I was trying to be a decent friend and you took advantage of that. I can't believe you..." You whisper yell as to not attract too much attention. You turn to walk inside but before you open the door you see Carl staring out the window holding Judith. He looks like he just saw a ghost and when you lock eyes with him, he runs away. You turn to give Ron one last nasty look before going inside to try and talk to Carl. You search all over the house but he's nowhere to be seen. Eventually Rick walks up to you.

"Somethin' happen with you and Carl?" he asks you with his eyebrow raised.

"Uh, kind of?" you say not really sure why Carl was so upset. You should be the most upset having your crush watch you kiss another guy. He probably just didn't want you to think he was watching.

"Well he headed over to our house. You should probably go talk to him..." You nod at Rick and jog over to their house. As you enter, the house is completely silent and dark.

"Carl?" you call out to him, but get no response. You head upstairs and find the door to his room shut. You slowly walk up to it and knock on the door.

"What do you want?" you received a muffled response.

"Carl, can we talk? I know you saw Ron and I but, why are you so upset?" you ask, kind of hoping the answer is something to do with jealousy. You don't get any sort of response back. "I didn't want to kiss him. I was consoling him because him and Enid just broke up and then...he just kind of pulled me in and I couldn't get out of his grip." You hear Carl sigh from inside his room, and then slow footsteps approach the door before it opens. Carl's face, red and puffy like he had just been crying, looks down at yours.

"Is that true?" he asks. You nod in response and Carl's expression goes more from sad to pissed. "Asshole." he whispers under his breath and looks at the ground.

"So...why were you so upset when you saw us?" you ask again, hoping for an explanation. He just shrugs.

"It was just a protectiveness thing. I overreacted...I'm sorry." Carl looks at the ground, clearly lying, but you decide to shrug it off. "Are you ok?" he asks, now looking at you with concern.

"I'm ok. Thanks for worrying about me." After a few moments of silence Carl pulls you into a hug. You melt into each other, feeling completely at peace. He strokes his hands through your hair and you lean in to him more, not wanting him to stop.

"Do you wanna go back to the party?" he asks while still holding you into his chest. You nod, so he slowly releases you from his grip. You give each other one last look and taking his hand before heading back to Deanna's.

Carl's POV

She grabs my hand and I look up to meet her beautiful (y/e/c) eyes.

I kind of wanted to tell her tonight. Explain why I got so mad. I felt so betrayed. I just thought she liked me, I was getting tons of signs; hugging me, holding my hand, falling asleep on my shoulder. I'm relieved to know it wasn't by choice. But at the same time, I'm really pissed.

Ron is going to pay for doing that to (y/n)...

Chapter Text

Time skip: This is the night of the bonfire where Rick kill's Ron's dad!

You watch as Carl sits on the couch in his living room with Judith on his lap, patiently waiting for the meeting at the bonfire to end. There's a sad tension in the room and you sit on the couch next to him. You try to comfort him as he sits, clearly stewing in his thoughts.

"I'm sure your dad can redeem himself. They'll let you guys stay and-"

"And what if they don't? What if they decide he's dangerous and they can't trust us and we have to leave? Don't try and pretend like that's not possible (y/n)." You look into Carl's tired eyes. You can tell he's been worried, practically making himself sick. His group has been trying to integrate and make this place their home, but they haven't fully been able to relax. So much distrust and gossip brewing around their group, it's no wonder they're all on edge. And now with Rick's freakout on full display yesterday, no one really knows where they stand.

You decide it's best to just accept the silence; there was nothing you could do or say to ease his nerves. You placed your head on his shoulder as you think back to two days ago when you had a fight with Deanna:

"I've known Rick my entire life Deanna. I know he's a great guy, he's always cared about his family. I'm sure with him as their leader they're-"

"You used to know him. You haven't seen him for years. This world...it changes people (y/n). Would the Rick you know point a gun at innocent people to 'prove a point'?" Deanna scowled at you. You know your desperate pleas wouldn't change her determined mind, but you couldn't just sit there and watch her take away the best people you've met in a long time.

"So you're just going to kick them all out? Leave them all to die just because Rick wants to help keep this place standing? Deanna I've been out there with other residents before, ones that have been in here since the start. They can't handle one walker, let alone a hoard. If you knew what the right thing to do was and no one listened to you, you would go a little crazy too." your voice wavered, but her face didn't move a muscle.

"He only cares about his people. Not us.", she takes a moment as if she's debating what to say next, "If you don't agree with his group being kicked out, you can go with them." She says very pointedly before trodding upstairs to her room. You stood alone there, feeling torn between 2 lives.

Interrupting your thoughts was the sound of the front door opening. In walked Rick, his face covered in blood, and shaking.

"Dad!" Carl jumped off the couch and ran to his dad. Rick picked Judith up and placed a hand on Carl's shoulder.

"Dad...do we have to go...?" Carl looked sternly at his father, and Rick just shook his head.

"Nah...we're staying. For good." You could see the worry and stress unravel from Carl's mind as you make your way closer. "Hey, by the way, there's someone I'd like you guys to meet...an old friend of mine..." Rick walks into the house further, uncovering a face you never thought you'd see again.

"Morgan?" you say faintly, your mouth curling up into a smile. His face immediately twists with shock and happiness. He runs up to you wrapping you into a tight hug and you two stand in the doorway for a few moments.

"Why are you here?" you whisper into his shoulder.

"Lookin' for you.." he pulls away from the hug and pulls out your note from his pocket. "You said you were headed north, so I headed north." Rick looks at you two in astonishment and puts his hand on Morgan's shoulder.

"I take it you two have met before?"

"Yeah but, how do you know him, Rick?"

"You remember when I told you about that friendly guy I met right after I left the hospital?" You chuckled, now realizing the connection.

"Well, he was my friendly guy too. He was going to take me to Atlanta, but then..." You decide not to finish the sentence, not really wanting to relive the day. Rick and Morgan exchange a look that says 'we'll talk about it later'. You didn't even realize it, but behind Morgan was Daryl and Aaron, and they all walked fully into the house. As they head for the dining room table, Carl turns and gives you a look of relief.

"Guess I can't get rid of you that easily." you joke. He smiles at you, then wraps you into a tight hug.

"I'm so glad I don't have to leave you again." he whispers in your shoulder, sounding like he could start crying. You two pull away and join everyone else at the dining room table, finally feeling like your life is coming together.

Time skip: this is the day the wolves attack and most of the group is at the quarry AHHH

You hear a knock on Deanna's front door and decide to open it since you're the only one home. You open up and find Ron standing there, rocking back and forth on his heels nervously. His head raises to meet your gaze as you look at him, confused.

"Hey (y/n). Um, I know it's been a while and we didn't really leave off on great terms but, I was wondering if we could talk?" Ron looks at you with tired pleading eyes. Cautiously you accept, but with the rule that you go sit out somewhere public. You figure nothing bad could happen in broad daylight outside. He nods and you two go find a spot by the pond in the centre of town.

"So," you sigh, "what did you want to talk about?" Ron sighs, tears already welling in his eyes.

"I wanted to apologize for what I did that night at the party a couple weeks ago. I was just in a really bad place. I'm sorry." His red face looks at you with teary eyes. Feeling bad for him and what's happened to him lately, you cast some sympathy.

"It's ok Ron. As long as you know what you did was wrong." He looks at you, relieved, before you continue. "And I'm sorry about your dad. I know he wasn't...a great guy. But it probably still hurts." You try to be as comforting as possible, but still have trouble fully trusting Ron again. He suddenly wraps his arms around you, gripping you in a tight hug, similar to the one at the party. You reluctantly pat his back as he holds you there for a moment, then he lets go, but holds onto your hands.

"And I-I'm in love with you (y/n). Please just give me a chance." Just as you're about to scold him, you hear a scream from across town, causing both of you to jump up. From behind the bushes surrounding the pond, you spot several men in all black running around and brutally murdering civilians.

"Ron, get home. Right now run as fast as you can and hide." you order him. He nods, clearly terrified, and runs in the direction of his house. You follow closely after him, gripping the knife that you always have hidden in your pocket. Your eyes follow Ron, when suddenly he's tackled by one of the men. They wrestle on the ground, the man in black swinging his machete at Ron but just nearly missing him. You go to intervene, when suddenly a bullet flies across the street and hits the man in the stomach. You look and see Carl standing in his doorway holding a shotgun, with Enid standing behind him. You run up to the man and examine him. Carl meets you there as the man screams in pain, begging to spare him. But as soon as you let your guard down, the man reaches up and grabs you, pulling you to the ground with him. He pins you to the ground and reaches for his machete, but before he can Carl shoots him in the head, splattering you with blood. You toss the man off of you and Carl helps you up.

"Carl, (y/n) come on!" Enid yells from the doorway.

"Ron, come on, get inside. We can keep you safe." you plead, motioning him to follow you. He looks between you, Enid, and Carl and just shakes his head. Without words, Ron runs down the street, headed towards his house. You roll your eyes and follow Carl into his house.

Once inside, Carl locks the door and inspects the surroundings. You notice the sound of a truck horn blaring around the corner, but it's blocked out by your racing thoughts. You lock eyes with Enid and she slowly pulls you into a gentle hug.

"I'm so glad you're ok." she whispers into your neck. You lightly hug her back, kind of wondering why she was here alone with Carl in the first place. "Thank you for being such a good friend." she says as she slips out of a hug and rests her hands on your shoulders. Her eyes look stoic and serious, but you can tell she's emotional inside. Before you can inquire, Carl interrupts.

"(y/n), can you go check on Judith upstairs. Enid you go check the back door, make sure no one got in." You both nod. You run upstairs and rush into Judith's room. She sits in her pen, confused, but chewing on one of her toys. You gently bend down and go to reach for her. She immediately grabs your finger and starts to chew on it. This brings your attention to how your hands had been shaking, and how scared you really were in that moment. You take a deep breath, stand back up, and quickly stop in the bathroom. You stare at yourself in the bathroom mirror, blood covering your face. You think about how the man was pleading for his life before he attacked you. It sounded so real but, he had to be killed. He was dangerous. You quickly wash it off and clear your appearance as best as you can, giving yourself a determined look in the mirror. You start to feel braver and run back downstairs.

When you arrive back, you see Carl bending down to pick up a piece of paper from the floor. On it reads "just survive somehow" and you instantly knew who it was from.

"Enid...?" you whisper. Carl gives you a sad look.

"She was talking about leaving. She came to tell me to tell you goodbye, because she couldn't bear to do it in person." Carl explains.

"I can't believe she just- I mean I know she's scared of living here but-" Carl interrupts you before you can finish.

"What were you doing out there with Ron?" His face twists in anger.

"He...said he wanted to talk. I tried giving him a chance, I thought we could be friends again. But I don't think that's what he wants. I don't think that's possible anymore..." Carl open his mouth to speak, but is interrupted by the ringing of an obnoxious kitchen timer. Carls walks over, turns it off, and takes a casserole out of the oven.

Noticing it's gone completely silent outside, you both step onto the porch. Contrary to all the chaos that was going on out there just 5 minutes ago, the streets were quiet and mostly barren, besides the litter of dead bodies and pools of blood.

You looked at Carl and he looked back at you, both of you scared for what would happen next.

Chapter Text

Rick stands at the front gate, giving the entirety of Alexandria a well-needed pep talk. You couldn't quite focus on his words though, your mind was too full already. Cleaning up the town was horrific. Dozens of your neighbours all killed within the same hour, and then buried in another. You knew there were bad, evil people out there; you've even met some of them before. But these people were monsters. They didn't stop at killing, they macerated your friends, making sure there was nothing left to identify them. Remembering those moments sent a chill up your spine, but thankfully you were snapped out of your thoughts. A clammy hand enveloped yours and you look over to see Carl. He gives you a reassuring nod and your grief instantly melts away.

"It's gonna be ok (y/n). I'm here. Just stay with me, I'll take care of you..." his reassuring words from a few weeks ago ring through your head. Having him there made everything a little less scary.

Just then you hear a cracking sound. The crowd of people look up and notice the clock tower from beyond the walls begin to creak and tip over. People begin to scatter as the clock tower crashes to the ground, destroying a part of the wall. Through the cloud of dust emerges a hoard of walkers, stumbling their way into your home.

"EVERYBODY GET INSIDE NOW!" Rick yells to the crowd. There's chaos as people run in all different directions. Carl, still gripping your hand, leads you towards the closest house, Ron's house. You're thankful for Carl dragging you along, because you couldn't tear your eyes away from the sea of walkers gargling and growling towards you. You snap back when you hear Carl's knife pierce into the head of a walker. You let go of his hand and grab your knife so you can help clear a path.

Rick barricades the doors behind you all. You see Carl, Gabriel holding Judith, Jessie, Ron, and Michonne carrying Deanna upstairs. Before you can ask what happened, you're handed Judith.

"Take her for a moment, please?" Gabriel asks as he runs upstairs, joined by Rick.

"Hey I think I have a pop-up crib upstairs for her, follow me." Jessie motions for you, so you and Carl follow her. She sets it up and you place Judith inside.

"Good, she even has some toys. Thank you." you give Jessie a warm smile, thankful you wouldn't have to carry her around for however long you'd have to stay here. She nods before Rick peaks in, motions for her, and they go talk in a separate room. You bend down to tend to Judith, who despite the panic, nibbles on her toy keys with contentment.

"I wish I was as oblivious as her right now. Right Car-" you turn your head and see that Carl is gone. You look back at Judith, smiling.

"I gotta go find your brother. You know how he is..." Judith gives you a cute toothless smile as you stand up and leave. You creep around the house, until you hear Ron's voice faintly in the garage.

"I'm dead Carl. My mom is dead. My brother is. And (y/n)'s dead."

"No they're not. We're gonna make it."

"Your dad. And you're dead too, Carl." Ron says from just behind the door, but you hear the door lock before you can open it.

"CARL? RON?" you yell as you try the door handle to no avail. Suddenly, the garage erupts into commotion as you hear a loud crash and grunts as the two boys fight. You continue screaming and banging on the door, but you know there's no way of stopping what's going on inside.

Just then Rick and Jessie stumble downstairs and join you in banging on the door and screaming for the two.

"Stand back!" Rick says before he swings his axe down on the door handle, eventually smashing it. The two jump out from behind the door before hastily slamming it again. A huge group of walkers has begun streaming into the garage. Four of you try keeping the door shut as Rick goes into the living room. He comes back with a couch and props it against the door. Michonne and Gabriel look for more objects while you, Jessie, Rick, and Carl hold the walkers back.

"What were you guys doing in there?" I ask, Rick and Jessie giving them looks of concern as well.

"We were looking for tools and knocked over a shelf." The way the words race out of Carl's mouth, you could tell he was lying, and it seems like everyone else did too. After their parents made them confirm everything is alright, the two headed upstairs. Rick and Jessie look at you now.

"Did you hear anything in there? Hear what they said?" Rick asks. You shake your head.

"I-I don't know. I couldn't quite make it out. It was just fragments really." you try to cover for them. You took after Carl and figured right now might not be the time to discuss it. You thought about Ron's words once again.

"And you're dead too, Carl."

Was Ron really about to-

Just then Carl and Ron bring down two nightstands and they're propped against the couch just enough to get it to hold. Once it seems secure you realize Deanna got hurt.

"Michonne, is Deanna alright?" She gives you a solemn look, and realizes that due to all the chaos, you don't know yet...

You sit next to Deanna's bed where she lay and she looks at you with her swollen red eyes. Your chest deflates when you look at her stomach and see a bloody red bite mark on her.

"Deanna-" your voice wavers, tears welling up in your eyes.

"Don't give me those damn tears (y/n). You're gonna be just fine." she says through laboured breaths. "Ever since you walked through that gate, you've felt sort of like a daughter to me, so let me give you some motherly advice right now." You nod and hold her clammy hand as she takes a deep breath.

"What I wanted, was to build this place up and make it a community. And I got to do that up until the very last second. What you need to do is find out for yourself what you want...or who you want. And go after it. As soon as possible. Do you get what I mean?" she looks into your eyes. Confused, you shake your head, and she huffs in amused frustration as she did many times with you.

"When I see the future of this place, I see you and Carl, side by side. And the sooner you tell him you love him, the sooner that can start." You give her a dumbfounded look and she chuckles.

"Trust me (y/n), moms see more than you might think. And I see a great deal between you two. So please, (y/n). Don't wait too long. Reg and I were married 37 years. And I still don't think I told him enough." A tear finally breaks free from your eye as you finally understand. You can't let fear hold you back anymore.

"H-how do I tell him though I've never-" she interrupts you.

"It doesn't matter how. He'll love you regardless. Trust me." she squeezes your hand.

"Thank you. For everything you've done for me." your voice shakes.

"Don't thank me. Just grant my wish, and make sure this place lives on. I know you'll be a great leader someday (y/n)." you smile down at her pale face. Just then you hear some commotion coming from the stairs. You give Deanna one last look, before heading out.

You see Rick and Michonne drag 2 dead walkers through the house and into Ron's room.

"Ok we're gonna need bed sheets, enough for everyone. We're gonna disguise ourselves and walk right through the herd." Rick says as he wastes no time slicing the corpses open. Jessie, confused, goes and grabs as many bedsheets as possible, while Carl meets you at your side.

"Is this really gonna work?" you ask him, a look of disgust on your face.

"Yeah, we've done it before. It'll be ok." he takes your hand and squeezes it reassuringly. You take the opportunity to quickly pull him into the hallway.

"Carl there's something I wanna tell you. In case something goes bad out there-" he cuts you off.

"Nothing is gonna go bad out there. I promise you."

"Still this can't wait I need to tell you that..." your voice fades and you all of a sudden feel a sharp pain in your chest. You're held back before you can say anything, and then Jessie hands you two bedsheets.

"It's ok, you can tell me later. Here let me help." Carl throws a bedsheet over your head and then places his hand on your cheek. "As long as I'm here, nothing bad will happen to you." he says, his blue eyes sparkling.

"It's not me I'm worried about." his face drops when you say that. Rick calls you two in and you begin to slap a fair amount of walker guts onto your sheet. You can Carl help each other, making sure you're fully covered.

Everyone slowly makes their way down the stairs, through the house, and onto the front porch. Rick leads, Carl, you, Jessie, Sam, Ron, Gabriel, and Michonne down into the expansive mob of the undead.

Chapter Text

You watch the sun fall, and dusk slowly starts to take over the day. Rick leads you to a clear spot near the pond and you all stop to take a moment. You and Carl stare at each other, but you suddenly feel a pair of hands on your shoulder. You turn around to meet eyes with Ron.

"Are you ok?" he whispers very lightly. You silently nod, and turn back around. you can't help but think about what happened earlier between Ron and Carl. You knew Ron had been struggling with stuff lately, but to think he would go as far as to kill... Just then you notice Gabriel march off towards the church with Judith, feeling some relief that she would be kept safe and sound.

"Alright, let's keep going." Rick's gruff voice hums as he takes, Sam's hand. Jessie takes your hand, and Carl takes a hold of yours, then Ron and Michonne follow. You continue watching the sky grow darker, until finally you're all plunged in complete darkness. The plan seems to be going really well, until Sam suddenly stops. Jessie begins quietly pleading, asking him to keep going. Your heart drops as Sam beings to have a full meltdown. He lets go of Rick and Jessie's hands and begins crying and yelling loudly. Everyone begs him to be quiet, but it's too late. You watch as 2 walkers snatch him and tear into his flesh, his blood pouring out onto the ground. Jessie watches in terror, but you beg her to continue.

"Jessie, please. Let's keep going, we need to go NOW." you whisper yell to her, but her crying is also too hysterical. Over her shoulder you watch 2 more walkers attack her, pinning her to the ground, and eating her. It takes everything in you not to freak out, as her dead lifeless hand still grips tightly onto yours. You try pulling away, but her muscles are frozen in place around your hand. Rick sobs to himself as he watches Jessie get torn into. He finally looks up and sees her stuck to you. He reluctantly takes his hatchet and swings it down onto her wrist. Twice it crashes down until you're finally free, and you all begin to slowly move in terror. That's until you hear the click of a gun. You all turn around to see Ron pointing his gun straight at Rick's head.

"This is all your fault." he whispers angrily. You brace yourself for the bullet, but instead you hear Michonne's sword slice right through Ron's stomach. His gun goes off, but in a different direction, and Ron collapses to the ground. You want to cry, but your body is shocked with fear, leaving you shaking and your stomach in knots. Michonne steps away as walkers begin to devour Ron's body. Everyone looks at each other, ready to make an escape, but when you look at Carl your heart drops.

"(y/n)?" he looks up at you, his hat uncovering his face, and you see a gory mess where his eye used to be. The world felt like it moved in slow motion as Carl collapses into your arms. You gingerly prop him up, staring into his face.

"Carl-" you whisper in agony. Just then Rick scoops him up out of your arms. He motions to the infirmary. You and Michonne take the lead and begin smashing walkers left and right in order to clear a path. You try and focus on the walkers, but the vision of Carl's wound is seared into your mind. You think on what Deanna said, and feel the instant burn of regret she was talking about.

The door to the infirmary opens and everyone begins rushing around.

"Please save him." you plead to the group and Denise begins making orders like a drill sergeant, but you're just stuck in place in the corner of the room next to Rick. He looks down and locks eyes with you, his being red, puffy, and overflowing with tears. You take a deep breath and finally let the tears roll out. Your tears turn to sobs as you feel your face heat up and your chest burn. Rick takes off his walker camo before also sliding yours off as well. He pulls you into a tight side hug and you accept the comforting warmth for a second. Suddenly, Rick hastily pulls away and heads back outside with his axe. The others call to him, pleading for him to stay in case they need his blood, but he can't hear them. You watch him outside, slashing his axe like a maniac, killing walker after walker. You look back at a few others, before you pull out your machete and run out there after him.

You see a walker peer over Rick's shoulder and smash into its skull just before it takes a bite. He looks back in surprise and you nod to him, showing you're here to help him take on the hoard.

It's not long until the other's in Rick's group come out from where they were hiding and start to join in.

🔥💥🔫🗡️🔥🗡️Time skip💥🔥🔫🔪💥🔥

You sat out on the porch, the sun starting to rise. Aaron, Daryl, and Tara sit outside, lamenting on the traumatic night.

Your face is stained with dried blood and tears. You felt exhausted but knew you wouldn't be sleeping any time soon. You think about everyone you've lost.

Glenn, who you weren't sure was dead, but Maggie seemed pretty confident he was. Glenn had kind of become the responsible, yet playful older brother you always wanted. Sure you had Spencer and Aiden, but you were somehow the most skilled and responsible one out of the two. Glenn always loved poking fun at your crush on Carl, secretly rooting for you two to get together, and giving you tons of advice based on how he swooned Maggie. The two of you only got to go on a couple small runs together, but you would kill for just one more.

Jessie was the sweetest person you'd ever met. Sometimes you'd hang out in her garage as she sculpted, listening to music and doing something creative of your own; like drawing or writing. And despite his decline towards the end, Ron was one of your best friends in Alexandria. You kind of loved third wheeling him and Enid. The three of you would hang out, blast music, sometimes sneak out and climb up one of the watch towers just so you could take in the exciting view. Maybe with time, he could've redeemed himself. But you don't think he knew that.

Deanna was gone too. The house would feel so empty just having you and Spencer in it now. And how would Alexandria continue. You were sure as hell Spencer wasn't gonna take over. He'd love the power but that's what makes him such a weak man, unfit to take care of all of these people. You also thought about all the kind things Deanna did for you. Yeah sure she was a hard ass sometimes but you knew every time it was out of care. She trusted you as soon as you walked in, gave you a home, a family. After years of bouncing from place to place, scrounging for food, floating from group to group, she gave you stability. And you think about her pep talk before she died. About not waiting. Not hesitating.

"When I see the future of this place, I see you and Carl, side by side. And the sooner you tell him you love him, the sooner that can start."

If Carl makes it out alive, you know you're going to tell him. No more getting scared, no more fear. Then you feel a hand on your shoulder, snapping you out of your thoughts. You look down at the feet of the person, then scan your eyes up, seeing the smiling face of Glenn. Your face finally cracks into a smile and you jump up to give him a great hug.

"GLENN. I thought you were dead."

"Yeah I kinda thought I was too. But thankfully I had a little help getting me here." He steps aside and shows a timid Enid, although she warms up and eventually pulls you into a hug.

"Dude, don't leave me like that ever again." You playfully punch Enid's arm when she pulls away.

"Sorry, I needed to leave to realize that I didn't want to." she puts on a small smirk and looks at Glenn.

Despite everything, you smile, happy to see two important faces again. Glenn steps aside and it's Maggie turn to give you a hug.

"I heard what happened to Carl. And I'm sorry." she whispers into your shoulder and then pulls away. "But you were always the one that told me to believe Glenn was still out there, that he wasn't dead. So now it's my turn. I'm sure Carl will make it through this. Don't act like he's dead just yet, ok?" She gives you a reassuring smile. She's right. He's survived a gunshot before, so hopefully he can do it again.

A moment passes and then Rick stumbles out onto the porch, clearly exhausted.

"Hey (y/n). I thought that, maybe you'd wanna go in and see him now?" he says his gruff voice.

"I-is he awake? Is he ok?" you ask as you pass by him to go inside. He regretfully shakes his head.

"We're not sure, but he's not awake yet so..." he trails off. You try and stay positive, but duck into the room where Carl's resting.

His pale body lay lifeless on the bed, his eye now covered with a white bandage. Your heart tightens at the sight. You sit in the chair pulled up next to his bed and take his cold hand in yours.

"I'm sorry Carl. I'm so sorry this happened." you shakily whisper to him. "I know you can't hear me but this might be my last chance to say it while you're still breathing." you grip onto his hand even tighter now. The nerves you used to have are gone. You're still a bit nervous, but you know you have to.

"I love you so much Carl. Way more than a friend, way more than a brother. I need you. You compliment me perfectly. When I get nervous you're there for me, when you get overwhelmed I'm there for you. We've been through everything together I mean, we grew up together. No one could ever know me like you do and even if they did I wouldn't care because you're the only one who's truly for me. And I've been holding out I've been wasting time and now it could be too late and you'll die thinking I just wanted to be friends." You let your head hang and let the tears fall out of your eyes. Until you feel his hand move. His limp fingers now move to grip onto your hand. Your breath hitches as you look up. His tired eye slowly opens to look at you and he breaks out into a smile.

"Carl-" you breathe out as he swallows harshly.

"I love you too (y/n)."

Chapter Text

A few months later...

"So we beat on..."

*THUNK*

"...boats against the current..."

*THUNK*

"...borne back ceaselessly into the past."

*THUNK*

You closed the book in your hands and looked up to see the backside of Carl, who was bouncing his tennis ball off the wall. You give him a mild dirty look for interrupting your concentration, and almost as if he could feel your daggers, he looks back at you.

"What? Denise says it's PT." he shrugs. You chuckle, unable to be annoyed at him. You stand up off the bed to put the book back on the shelf. But before you can turn around, you feel a pair of arms wrap around your waist. Carl nestles his face into the crook of your neck and you get goosebumps as his warm breath covers your bare skin. You turn around in his arms to face him now and wrap your arms around his neck. He blushes as he stares into your eyes, and you stare at him, unable to comprehend how lucky you are to have him. You play with his long hair as his thumb rubs your hip.

"Any plans today?" you ask, hoping he says no so you can selfishly have him all to yourself.

"Actually, yeah. I have something planned for US. There's something I wanted to ask you..." you break out into a smile. "But first I have to go get something, and then we have to go somewhere. Can you meet me at the gate in like...10 minutes?" he asks with excitement, his face now beaming.

"Yeah, I'll meet you there." You untangle your arms from him and pulls one of his hands up, propping it under your chin. He plants a long, warm kiss on your lips. You two melt together just as you always did when you kissed. Before he pulls away he graces your cheek lightly. He then gives you a hasty forehead kiss before heading to his dresser.

"Carl!" you hear his name called down the hall, then Michonne appears in his doorway.

"Carl, can I use your toothpaste?" she asks, fresh out of the shower.

"Yeah, if I had some." he chuckles. Then Michonne points at you.

"Do you have any toothpaste?" You giggle.

"Yeah, I was headed over to the house anyways. I'll be right back." She silently celebrates as you walk past her and head over to your house.

"What could Carl have planned for us outside the walls? And what did he need to go get?" you ponder to yourself. Then, your heart drops. "Ask me something...He's not gonna propose, is he?"
As much as you love Carl, you definitely aren't ready to make that big of a commitment yet. You admitted feelings, kissed several times, and you've been VERY flirty with each other, but it's only been a few months...

You snap out of your thoughts to quickly rifle through your drawers and find an outfit to go out in, since you were currently wearing sneakers, shorts, and one of Carl's oversized t-shirts. After getting changed, you remember to grab toothpaste for Michonne and dropped it off, which was met with many thanks and a big hug. Just as you walked onto the street you found Carl, slipping something in his pocket quickly, before greeting you.

"Hey, you ready to go?" he asks, seemingly a bit flustered now. You raise an eyebrow at him, but he just plays it off like he has no idea what you mean.

"Sure but, where are we going?" you ask.

"Somewhere you've NEVER been before!" he says with sarcastic mystique. You notice on his back is a huge orange hiking bag, clearly filled to the brim.

"So many unanswered questions on this little adventure..." you cheekily remark. He just giggles in excitement, enjoying how desperately you want to know what's going on.

"Don't worry. You'll find out eventually." he says as the gate opens, and the two of you set off into the Virginia wilderness.

You silently travel for a good 40 minutes, as Carl concentrates on remembering the way to this mystery location.

"Are we almost there?" you ask desperately, trailing behind him as he accidentally speeds up ahead.

"Um...I think so?" his face twists in thought, then you see him snap back into a smile as he continues trudging further.

"I'm beginning to think you're leading me to nowhere Carl Grimes." you joke, and he chuckles back.

"No, no... In fact I think it's just around...HERE!" he says, taking a sharp right and you finally spot what looks like a way out of the woods you were in. You two emerge to find a small clearing with a massive water tower in the middle.

"Woahhh...it's so tall." you marvel in excitement.

"How about we go up there? Take in the view?" he asks, holding his hand out for you to take. You graciously accept and the two of you head for the ladder.

"After you." he says as he helps you to the base of the ladder. You begin climbing up, slowly getting more and more nervous as you ascend. Your hands start to feel clammy and your body gets jittery, as if it's trying to make you fall.

"Hey, don't look down just stop for one second!" Carl gets your attention and you stop, avoiding the urge to look down at him.

"Don't be scared, ok? You aren't gonna fall, and if you did, I'm right here. I'll catch you. We're almost there." His words comfort you, and you can almost feel his warm embrace envelope you, as if he were holding you in his arms. You take a deep breath and continue up the ladder. In no time, you make it up to the platform, noticing the tank looks 30 times larger than it did from down below. You look out at the forest as Carl hoists himself up after you. Out of breath, he places an arm around you.

"Beautiful, isn't it?" he asks, but you can only nod in response as you're so taken aback by the view.

"Well, not as beautiful as you." Carl chuckles and makes a grossed out face, cringing at the fact he even said that. You laugh and look over at him, equally as enamoured with his face as you were the wonderful view. Then Carl throws down the orange backpack and opens it up. As he starts unloading, you notice a little picture etched into the side of the water tank. It looks like a baseball bat wrapped in barbed wire. You ponder what that might mean, but Carl interrupts your thoughts.

"Here, sit down. I bet you're a little hungry aren't you?" he asks as you notice your stomach was insanely empty. You sit on the edge of the platform, dangling your feet off the edge and holding onto the railing that ran across your waist. Carl sits beside you, doing the same, and he begins pulling out all sorts of picnic foods and snacks, including a container of strawberries. He picks one out and brings it to your mouth. You giggle at the romantic gesture and take a bite of the strawberry in his hand. The two of you giggle as the juice drips down your chin and down his hand, making a bit of a mess. As you chew, Carl pops the stem part of the strawberry that you avoided into his mouth. You give him a look of disgust.

"What?," he asks, offended, "Can't afford to let it go to waste. A little stem won't kill you." he jokes as you roll your eyes.

"I guess you're right. When I was on my own out there, I would've eaten 3 truckloads of strawberry stems...but I'm not anymore, so I find it kinda gross." you jab, and he just rolls his eyes at your unwillingness.

"So coddled you are now." he says sarcastically as he hands you a sandwich.

"Hey so are you! Remember that little spa day you had last week?"

"Ehhhh still, I'm not as bad as you."

"You were lying in a bubble bath with cucumbers over your eyes!" The two of you laugh, envisioning the memory.

"Ok, maybe I'm a little coddled baby now too..." You take a bite of your sandwich and begin to think about the reason Carl brought you here.

"So, what did you want to ask me?" you ask. Carl pauses chewing to look at you, suddenly becoming stiff and nervous.

"Um, well..." he puts his sandwich aside and shifts closer to you, now touching his leg onto yours.

"I've been wanting to ask this for a long time now, but I haven't had a good opportunity. I wanted to find the perfect place and make it all romantic, and I guess now is as good a time as ever..." he reaches into his pocket and you begin to panic.

"WAIT, Carl. I don't know if you wanna do this." you say, now feeling your heart beat out of your chest. Carl looks at you for a moment.

"W-why wouldn't I want to? I thought...I thought we were basically headed this direction anyways..." Carl looks heartbroken as he finishes pulling a small box out of his pocket. Tears fall from your eyes, feeling like you're in a nightmare. But then Carl opens it to reveal a beautiful dainty necklace. He stares at it longingly. Your frown turns into a smile, and you start to giggle, which turns into a whole laughing fit. He looks at you confused, a smile forming on his face now.

"What?" he asks.

"I thought you were gonna propose." you choke out as your laughter fades. Carl lets out a chuckle of his own now.

"Christ (y/n)...Let me just start over then." Carl closes the box, turns away, and then turns back around, re-revealing the necklace. "(y/n), would you please do me the honour and officially be my girlfriend?" You smile warmly.

"Of course I would Carl. We're basically dating anyways." you laugh and take the box from his hand to further examine your gift.

"I know. I just felt like you deserved to be asked all romantic and everything. And I found that necklace in an abandoned strip mall a few weeks ago so, I thought it would look really pretty on you..." he says, slowly starting to blush. You inspect the necklace and run your thumb over the small charm on it; it was your first initial in cursive.

"Thank you Carl. This is so...insanely sweet of you." He just chuckles, brushing off the compliment. He then takes the necklace out and gently pulls it around your neck. You hear him scoff in frustration as he struggles with the clasp, but he gets it eventually. You turn around to show him and his face lights up.

"Damn, you look amazing..." he says with his eyes scanning your whole body in amazement. You just blush in response and grab his hand. You two lock eyes and your faces pull together like magnets. Your lips push and pull and your hot faces brush each other in the kiss. Eventually you pull away, but your faces hover close together. His hand stays on your cheek as he begins to pepper your face with tons of little kisses, from your forehead to your jaw. Then he pulls away to inspect your blushing red face.

"I love you (y/n)."

"I love you too." Eventually you manage to pull away from each other and continue enjoying your lunch while discussing silly things like what would happen in the next Invincible comic, or who would win in a fight against a grizzly bear.

"All I'm saying is, I could totally take down a grizzly in like, 10 minutes tops." Carl remarks as he pops a potato chip into his mouth, then points the bag to you. You respond as you take the final potato chip from the bag.

"Haven't you heard the expression "if it's brown, lay down"? Your safest bet is to play dead until it leaves." Carl reaches his hand in the bag, but is disappointed to find none left.

"Yeah, well...I wouldn't count that as winning." you both chuckle at the pointless argument. As Carl packs up all your empty food containers, he sets it all aside and slides closer to you again. You place your head on his shoulder, nuzzling into the crook of his neck. He shivers as he feels your warm breath on him. You move your head in a little further and begin giving him small peck on his neck. His breath hitches and you hear a quiet grunt escape his throat. After a few more kisses, you pull away. He looks down at you and you look up at him, giving him a smile. He smiles back and shakes his head. He pulls your face up to his and gives you another long, warm kiss before pulling away.

"Sun's gonna be setting soon. We should head back so it doesn't get dark." he says in a slightly disappointed tone. You both nod and reluctantly head for the ladder. You almost head down first but he stops you.

"I'll go down first." he says as he goes down, with you following him.

"You know you don't have to be so protective of me. I made it on my own out there for so long." you shout down to him.

"I don't care. I'd rather annoy you with how overprotective I am than let my guard down for a second and see you get hurt..." you hear him shout up at you. You blush at the sentiment. It was really flattering to have someone care so much about you, after everything you'd been through.

Finally the two of you hit the ground, feeling a bit uneasy after being up so high for so long. Then you head off in the same direction you came from. Through the woods and past lots of walkers, you finally make it to the gate of Alexandria just in time for the sun to go down. You walk through town, hand in hand, towards Deanna's house. You each had a new found confidence about your relationship. Of course everyone knew you two were infatuated with each other, but now that it was official you felt a sort of pride about it and hoped everyone saw you two walking hand in hand.

The two of you stand at the front door, not wanting to say goodbye just yet.

"Thanks for coming with me (y/n). I had the most fun I've had...probably since the outbreak." he smiles fondly at you.

"Me too, it was amazing. Thank you for asking me officially. I...really love you, Carl." His face lights up and he finds it hard to contain his excitement.

"I love you too (y/n)...so much." He begins to lean in, but your kiss is interrupted by the front door opening. Spencer stands there with a grim look on his face.

"Come on (y/n). I made dinner." he stands aside to let you in. You give Carl a look and he looks back, understanding, and walks home. You angrily step inside but begin to go upstairs.

"Hey! I said I made dinner!" Spencer calls after you.

"I'm not hungry!" you call back and close the door to your bedroom. He huffs and marches up after you, swinging your door back open.

"Dude, what the fuck?" you give him a nasty look as you stand in the middle of your room.

"I don't want you hanging around the Grimes' anymore. Rick or Rick Jr. ok? They're gonna get you killed." he pleads, and you scoff.

"What are you my dad?" you throw your hands up in frustration.

"Mom told me to look after you if anything happened to her. So, in a way yeah. I'm responsible for you and your safety, and I don't think Rick or anyone in his group is safe."

"Spencer, you realize they saved Alexandria, several times. If it weren't for Rick this place would've been overrun by walkers, or everyone would've been killed by the Wolves. They saved us and now they're teaching everyone how to protect themselves."

"If it weren't for Rick, mom would still be here."

"She got bit, Spencer. That wasn't anyone's fault you asshole." Spencer looks infuriated with you before he steps out and slams your door behind him. You fume as you sit on your bed.

"I have to get out of here. I can't stand another minute with him." you think to yourself. Then you spring up, put on some pyjamas, and plop right back down into your bed. You lay on your side and your hands wrap around yourself.

"I wish these arms were Carl right now." is all you think as you slowly drift off to sleep.

Chapter Text

Carl sets your bag down on the floor and you plop down onto his bed. 

"Are you sure your dad's ok with me sleeping over?" you ask.

"Well his first reaction was 'I don't need any grandkids yet Carl Grimes.'" he jokes, doing his best Rick impression. "But then he said yes. I told him I'd be sleeping on the floor...but we don't exactly have to follow that rule." he smirks at you and you giggle. You two had just finished dinner and were excited to have your first sleepover. Sure you two had cuddled and taken naps together, but staying the whole night would be so much better. Carl sits down next to you and throws his arm around you.

"So, what do you wanna do first?" he asks suggestively, leaning in close to your face. You smirk and playfully push his face away, just to tease him a little bit. 

"Let's play cards, I'm feeling pretty competitive right now." he jokingly frowns a bit and dejectedly grabs the cards from the shelf. You two lay on the ground and play various card games, all of which you lose terribly at.

"Come on what happened to chivalry? Aren't you supposed to let me win?" He chuckles at your whining. 

"Don't be such a sore loser! Let's play one more round of Go Fish." You sigh as he deals out the cards. After a very intense 15 minute round of Go Fish, you each count the stacks you have.

"I have 9." you say hesitantly.

"I have...8." Carl says as he jokingly slams his cards down. You celebrate wildly, having finally won something (even if it was as simple as a game of Go Fish). Your taunting comes to an abrupt stop as Carl pounces over the pile of cards and pins you down to the ground, hovering over your face. 

"Does it feel good to win?" he asks playfully. You nod and blush heavily at the position you're in. You two look down at each other's lips before pressing them against each other. You laid on the floor, Carl still pinning you down, and made out. He finally pulls away, out of breath, and sits back up, allowing you to sit back up too. You can tell he looks a bit worried at his actions, afraid he overstepped a bit. But you lean over and give him a reassuring peck on the cheek. He smiles at you and the worry clears. 

Carl yawns and his face begins to look very tired. "Are you ready for bed?" you ask. He nods, seemingly embarrassed at how sleepy he is. So you two head to the bathroom to brush your teeth and then head back into his room, closing the door behind you. You blush, realizing you have to change into your pyjamas now, but Carl notices your discomfort. 

"I'm a gentleman (y/n), I'll turn around while you change." he says as he turns to his dresser. You giggle and roll your eyes. It wasn't that it made you uncomfortable necessarily, you just were nervous at what he'd think of your body. Your figure, your size, your scars and marks and freckles. But regardless you change into a large t-shirt and comfy shorts and turn to look at Carl. You see his toned back flex as he tosses his dirty flannel into his laundry basket. He stretches, seemingly a bit sore, and then reaches for the pyjama pants on top of his dresser. You come to realize, he's only in his underwear and your face heats up immediately. Carl bends over to slide them on and they come up, but sit on his hips loosely. You abruptly snap out of it at the sound of his voice. 

"Can I turn around now?" he asks. 

"Uh, yeah...you're good." you say sheepishly. He turns around and shows you his bare chest. You notice his pyjama pants are slightly too big around the waist, so the band of his underwear peaks overtop, teasing you a little bit. He notices you staring and smirks.

"Everything ok?" You jerk out of your trance and meet his eyes.

"Yep. All good. You just look...uh really handsome." He chuckles and blushes.

"Well, you look adorable." he walks up to you and hugs you close and your face presses against his warm chest. The two of you melt into the hug, nearly falling asleep standing up, which sobers you both back up when you each feel the weakness in your legs. Carl gets into bed first and makes sure to move over to give you enough room.

"Sorry it's a twin size. We'll have to be really close tonight..." he says in sarcastic annoyance. You squeeze into bed and get comfortable with Carl. The two of you squirm, trying to find a position. You lay on his chest, wrapping your legs in his, and his arm cradles your head and it's not long before you fall asleep in his arms.

You're woken up by a clatter coming from Rick's bedroom. Then you hear footsteps heading down the hallway, stopping around the top of the stairs. You look over to wake Carl, but he's already awake and gives you a stern look. He hops out of bed, puts a shirt on, and grabs his gun. 

"You stay here." he points to you lying in bed. You roll your eyes.

"As if." Then you hop out of bed, grab your knife from your bag, and follow him out into the hall. Sitting on the top step is a man with long hair and a beanie examining a painting from the wall. Carl cocks his gun and points it at the man's head.

"What the hell are you doing in our house?" he asks the man.

"I'm uh, sitting on the steps, looking at this painting, waiting for your mom and dad to get dressed." Carl and I exchange a confused glance.

"Hi, I'm Jesus." he says. Just then Rick and Michonne run out of their room, each half dressed. They awkwardly greet us and look wildly embarrassed. And then to top it all off, several other members of Carl's group run through the front door, clearly there for back up. They look at Jesus angrily, and then look at Rick and Michonne, just as confused as you and Carl about the whole thing.

After a tense talk with Jesus in the dining room, the group decides to go to this neighbouring community called Hilltop. You and Carl are sent to receive gas canisters to fill up the RV before they leave.

"Are you excited to go see the new community?" you ask, practically beaming with excitement yourself.

"I'm not going...and neither are you." You immediately shoot Carl an offended look.

"What do you mean? Why aren't you going?" 

"Someone's gotta stay and look after this place while everyone's gone. And you're not going because I don't want you getting hurt." You roll your eyes.

"I'll be with your ENTIRE group Carl. It's not like I'm sneaking out alone to go there. We'll go and be back before sundown."

"Yeah but we don't know these people (y/n). This could all just be a trap. I'm not letting you go." You scoff at him. 

"You're not my dad." 

"Yeah but I'm your boyfriend. I have some sort of responsibility for your safety, and I don't think it's safe." Before you can respond you approach Rick and hand him your canister of gas. 

"Thanks (y/n)." Rick says and gives you a look implying he wants to speak to Carl alone. You take the hint and walk off, then you have an idea. You check around and make sure no one is paying any close attention to you. Thankfully everyone is buzzing around grabbing supplies or saying goodbye, so you take the opportunity and hop onto the RV. You scan around looking for a good place to hide, and you spot the bathroom. You figure people will go to the bathroom inside before leaving, so no one would check there. At least not until well into the drive. You quickly slide into the tight space and close the accordion door behind you. You sit on the toilet seat and wait. Your heart races as you think about what you're doing. 

Eventually you hear everyone board the vehicle and it starts to move. You start to feel a tinge of regret, concerned that you'll worry Carl or make him upset with you. But you figure it's only a little fair. You understand he cares about you and wants you safe, but he has no authority to control what you do. He should be able to trust you more. After all, you survived being on the road practically alone for YEARS, one little trip with a whole group is nothing. 

After a good 30 minutes you assume you must be almost there. You daydream a bit about what the place is like. Jesus said they had farms, and blacksmiths, and doctors. You imagine an old rennaisance-faire-esque scene with people working and children playing. As you think about it, any regret you had got washed away by your excitement. But then, you hear the bathroom handle jiggle and then open. Glenn stands there startled at first, and then amused. 

"(y/n)? What the hell are you doing here?" Glenn chuckles. As Glenn muses, other members of the group acknowledge your existence as you creep out of the bathroom, all seeming very concerned. The ruckus gets Rick's attention from the driver's seat.

"(y/n)?" You slowly make your way to the front, worried that Rick would scold you.

"I thought Carl said you were staying behind with him." he looks concerned.

"He wouldn't let me go, so I snuck on." Rick takes a moment and then chuckles to himself.

"Well no wonder he likes you so much, you're stubborn just like him." You laugh at the comparison, and then go to sit back down. But you, as well as everyone up front, notice a car wreck on the side of the road.

Carl's POV

I hold Judith as I watch the RV roll away. I look around for (y/n), but she's nowhere to be found. I check inside the house, figuring she's upset at me for not letting her go.

"Alright (y/n), I know you're mad at me. I'm sorry. But don't hide from me please!" I shout through the house. After looking in every room, I realize she's not there. I take a few deep breaths to calm myself down. Maybe she just went to her house instead. I drop Judith off at the church with Gabriel and then head to her house. Spencer opens up and rolls his eyes to see it's me. 

"What?" he asks annoyed.

"Is (y/n) here?" 

"No...I thought she was with you." his face goes from annoyed to concerned. The two of us immediately run around all of Alexandria looking for her, asking every resident if they've seen her and checking in every building. Until finally I remembered how sneaky my girlfriend can be.

"Did you find her?" Spencer asks me, out of breath.

"No, I think I might have an idea of where she went though...she probably hitched a ride with them. She really wanted to go...even though I told her not to." Spencer scoffs in response.

"That sounds like her," he huffs, "She definitely doesn't appreciate people telling her what to do. Especially if it's to "protect her". But I guess we'll just have to wait and see when they get back." Spencer walks off back into his house, leaving me to worry on my own. I decide to grab all my stuff and head outside the walls to scan the area, just in case she was around here somewhere. 

As I wander through the woods I think to myself. 

"Maybe I was a bit too harsh. I probably would've done the same thing if she told me not to go. She's my girlfriend but...I can't keep her locked up like a gerbil. She's strong, and smart, and extremely capable. God dammit, I'm a dick." 

I huff, trudging all around for a few hours, only to find absolutely nothing. I head back home and decide to just wait there for their return.

Your POV

You're the last to clamour back onto the RV, a few splashes of walker guts now coating your shirt.  The group saved those few people from Hilltop, and Rick starts driving back down the road. As you get situated into your seat, you notice just about everyone in the RV staring at you. 

"Why is everyone staring at me? What did I do?" you ask really confused.

"You killed about 5 walkers at once all on your own, that's what." Daryl pipes up from the corner. Then Abraham leans closer and chimes in as well. 

"Yeah I gotta hand it to you, you're pretty strong for a teenager." Everyone else nods and hums in agreement. You just look around, stunned by the praise.

"I told you guys, (y/n) amazing out there. Tell them how long you were on the road alone before you showed up at Alexandria." Glenn boasts, causing everyone to look at you intently.

"Well I met a couple people on the road at the beginning. They um...didn't make it but. Other than that I was alone for um, probably about 3 years?" Everyone immediately bursts into various "ooos" and "ahhs", causing confidence to bubble up inside of you. 

"You know (y/n), I don't think Carl could've lasted that long out there alone...don't tell him I said that though." Rick jokes from up front. You feel so relieved that the group seemed to be taking a liking to you. The rest of the trip was filled with you telling stories from your time on the road. The people you met, the places you'd been. You realized that you had just missed their group so many times on the road, considering you'd come from the same place as them. It was a fun bonding experience until you reached the gates of Hilltop. 

Inside was an amazing, bustling community, amazing fresh produce, and Gregory. 

Only about an hour into your visit, a fight broke out. You decided was a bit too intense for you, and just watched in fear from the sidelines. You may be strong, but you for sure can't beat a huge man in a fist fight. You watched Rick slash open the attacker's throat, bathing him in his blood. What a great first impression. 

But the most important bit you learned at the Hilltop, was about Negan and the Saviours. The group seems to think they can make a deal; kill the saviours, and we get a portion of Hilltop's food. Maggie's able to strike a deal and you all begin to load up the RV with fresh produce, but in the back of your mind you can't help but have a terrible feeling about all of this. 

On the ride back, you decide to sit all the way in the back, not really feeling like being social. Despite this, Maggie notices you and comes back to join you.

"Hey, you ok?" she asks, putting a comforting hand on your knee.

"Yeah, I just don't know about this whole 'defeating the saviours' thing. I mean we have no idea how many there are. Why start shit that we don't even know that much about." Maggie gives you a comforting look.

"Don't worry too much about it ok? We've handled people like this before. It may come at a cost, but I'm sure we can handle it again." You try to feel comforted by her words, but the pit in your stomach doesn't go away for the rest of the ride.

Finally, you arrive back to Alexandria. The RV pulls through the gates and the crew steps out just as the sun hits the horizon. When you step off you're met with a distraught Carl. You shamefully walk off the RV and approach him, but before you can say anything, he pulls you into a tight hug. You were expecting some cold shoulder, or maybe even an argument. But instead he pulls away and apologizes.

"I'm sorry (y/n). I now know the difference between being protective and being controlling. And yeah, I'll still want to keep you in my sight at all times, but I won't try to control you anymore. I promise." Your eyes almost well up with tears, feeling really lucky to be dating someone so caring and mature.

"I'm sorry for sneaking off behind your back. I'm sure you were worried, but as you can see, we're all perfectly safe." Carl nods, accepting your apology. There's an awkward moment of silence as Carl looks around nervously, seemingly indecisive. But just then he slams his lips onto yours. The kiss lasts just for a moment before he pulls away. When you come back to reality, you realize the whole group watched you two just now, which made you feel so embarrassed, but also a bit proud. They tried seeming inconspicuous like they didn't see, but you knew everyone saw, especially Maggie and Glenn who looked at you like 2 proud parents. You roll your eyes and head inside with the group, ready for a long-awaited dinner. 

Chapter Text

"There's no room." Carl says and you and Enid groan.

"I need to be with Maggie I need to make sure she's ok!" Enid pleads, but Carl just shakes his head.

"There's nothing I can do ok?! Plus you guys should stay and help keep this place safe in case the Saviours come." You bite your lip and exchange looks with Enid. The two of you were really concerned for Maggie and her illness, but there were already a ton of people going to Hilltop. Rick calls for Carl and he looks at the two of you. 

"Bye Enid." he says and she just looks away before trotting off annoyed. Then Carl locks eyes with you.

"Please be safe ok?" you say, your voice filled with worry.

"Some of us are staying up there, but a few of us will be back later tonight, ok? I'll be back later tonight." He tries comforting you and puts his hand on your shoulder. You look into his eyes, taking in every detail of his face, then he pulls you into a tight hug. His warm body envelopes yours and you hope it's not the last time you get to feel him. As he pulls out of the hug he leaves a long, sweet kiss, leaving your lips feel like they're buzzing. You wave everyone off as they speed out of Alexandria. 

"Fuck, I hope nothing bad happens..." you say to yourself

Later that night...

You lay in Enid's bed with her, arm trapped under her head, as she's fast asleep. But you just can't manage to even close your eyes. All you can think about is "What if Maggie doesn't make it? What if the saviours come here? What if the Saviours find the group on the road...?"  You arch your head over Enid and look at her alarm clock. The time looks to be around 3am, which makes you feel a bit more nervous. They left in the afternoon, shouldn't they be back? Your mind is a complete mess, so you decide to sneak out; staring at the ceiling isn't helping anything. You slide your arm slowly out from under Enid's neck, (thankfully she's a heavy sleeper) and you get dressed, grab your bag, and head outside. You climb over the walls, as you always do, and dismount on the muddy ground. 

You head the same general direction as Hilltop, thinking maybe you'll meet up with the RV on their way back. But as you travel deeper and deeper, you notice the tracks on the road are erratic and go several different directions in the mud. It doesn't look like they had a good trip... Daryl thankfully taught you a thing or two about tracking so you try following the tracks, and up ahead you see light radiating from a clearing and several vehicles parked in a circle. Upon further inspection, your heart drops. You see the RV parked right in the middle of all the cars. You try keeping your thoughts straight so you can come up with a plan. You head straight into the woods to the left and try trudging through there to get a better look. Each step you take is as quiet as possible, making sure no one sees or hears you. But to your surprise there was already someone else doing the same. You see a big bearded guy lock eyes with you. He raises his gun to take you out, but before he can you raise your gun and headshot him. The silencer on your pistol saves you from being noticed by any other saviours, but you know you need a stealthier way to get around. You search in the dark for a while, trying to think of a plan, and then you look up. The dense forest has a thick layer of tree branches, perfect for climbing on.

You shimmy your way up the tree very quietly, constantly on the lookout. You make it up just high enough, and begin strategically climbing from branch to branch and tree to tree. You look like a koala bear hanging upside down on the limbs, but it makes for an extremely quick and stealthy means of transportation. 

Finally you reach a good spot, and you situate yourself (upright) on a branch behind and above the RV. You can't see very well, so you decide to unwrap your sniper rifler from yourself and use the scope to see closer. You make out the faces of all your friends lined up in a semi-circle...and you see Carl, sitting there, his face stoic with intimidation and his eyes shooting bullets through Negan.

"That's my brave boy." you think to yourself as he sits there on his knees. You also hear the booming voice of, whom you can only assume is, Negan. He's busting out a very intense and threatening monologue. His words truly strike fear in you as you almost forget where you are. Your head is just filled with images of fear, intimidation, and death. You knew this was going to happen. Agreeing to kill all the Saviours sounded like a terrible decision from the start...and now look where everyone is. 

"I got an idea!......eenie.....meenie......minie.....moe-" you hear Negan's voice below you as he swings his bat pointing at each individual as he speaks. Your heart stings when his bat points at Carl, but you exhale once he moves to the next person. Your brain flashes with the image of Carl's brains bashed open and lying on the gravel in front of him. You try and snap yourself out of it as Negan continues. Your finger finds the trigger of your rifle and you try to zero in on Negan's head. But before you can take a shot you hear the crack of the baseball bat. You're too stunned to shoot, almost as if you were scared into submission by his brutal act. You watch as Negan takes another crack at Abraham's skull, his blood splattering everywhere. You come to notice how much you're shaking. From fear or sadness you had no idea, but you tried your hardest to stay strong and not make any brash decisions. Negan remains bent over as he talks very quietly to everyone in the circle. You can't hear anything, but you see everyone doing various degrees of crying and shaking. 

"Ok (y/n), think. What's the best thing to do here? Do I shoot? Take him out right here? But what is that going to accomplish? I'm just gonna get myself killed that way...maybe it's worth it to save my friends though..."

Just as your thoughts race you watch Negan get tackled by Daryl. Your heart skips a beat as your view is obscured by the RV. You wait for them to emerge and you hear Negan begin talking about his rules again. 

"I don't know what kind of lying assholes you've been dealing with, but I'm a man of my word! First impressions are important. I need you to understand me...so...back to it-"

You watch through your scope as Negan raises his bat right in front of Glenn. It all felt like slow motion. Maggie watching in horror, and Glenn looking up in fear of the bat. Instinctively, without a second thought, you pull the trigger of your rifle. In the moment, you didn't care if you were going to be tortured, killed, beaten to death by a bat. You just wanted Negan gone, you wanted to save Glenn. 

Your eyes refocus as the shot rings out. There's a moment of complete silence as every single person looks around for where the shot came from. Negan's bat drops down from its raised position. 

"What. The shit. Was that?" you hear him ask. 

"Fuck." you think to yourself as you realized you missed. But you also noticed Glenn still kneeling there, skull fully intact, and very much alive. 

"Up here! She's in the fuckin' tree!" you hear a burly voice yell up to you. Quickly, you throw your rifle over your shoulder again and try running along the tree branches, a much faster approach than you had before. And then you hear a crack as your foot doesn't stop when it hits the tree branch. The last thing you remember is the falling sensation and the feeling that rang through your body as you hit the ground. 

Carl's POV

My hands tremble as they touch the gravel beside me. I watch in horror as Negan's bat raises over Glenn's head. In my mind I just imagine (y/n)'s face when I tell her about Glenn. One of her best friends in my group, almost like her father figure, gone. But my thoughts are interrupted when a gunshot rings through the air and hits the tree right behind Negan's head. Everyone looks around in silence, confused as to where the rogue gunshot came from. Then I hear a scream from the woods behind the RV. 

After a few moments, 3 saviours come out, carrying someone towards us. My heart falls through my stomach as I see my girlfriend in their arms, limp and unconscious. They toss her on the ground in the middle of the circle and I immediately jump from my spot and crawl over to her. Hot tears run down my face as I examine her. My fingers reach to her neck and I desperately search for a pulse. 

"(y/n)...(y/n) please please wake up." I desperately whisper under my breath. I'm suddenly ripped away by 2 strong hands on the collar of my shirt and put back in my place. I struggle to get out of their grip, but it's no use. 

"Well well well...look what the damn cat dragged in." Negan kneels down, his eyes examining her like a piece of meat. He points his leather gloved finger at her and looks me dead in the eyes. 

"This your girlfriend or something, kid?" My face twists with hatred at the fact that he has the audacity to even refer to her. I reluctantly nod though. Negan scoffs and bursts into a small chuckle. 

"Ah, young love." Negan now walks up to me and gets all in my face. "Sadly kid, young love doesn't last. Especially if one of them is a goddamn idiot and fails an assassination attempt." I give him the meanest look I can muster, feeling anger boiling up through my body. I then take a look back at (y/n), and thankfully watch her diaphragm rise and lower again.

"Don't. Touch. Her." I growl in his face.

"Carl-" my dad tries to intervene, to get me to back down, but I don't.

"No one lays another finger on her-" I get cut off by Negan's chuckle in my face. He backs away and stands up in front of me. 

"Were you even listening to a goddamn word I just said? That whole speech right there? It was all about actions having consequences. And this little bitch right here deserves a consequence for her action, you got it?" My body can't take it anymore and I almost spring up to punch Negan right in his face. But before I can, (y/n) jumps up off the ground and tries going for Negan. 

"DON'T CALL ME A FUCKING BITCH, ASSHOLE!" she yells as jumps up right onto his back. Unfortunately, she can't overpower his men, and she's ripped off of him and held back as she continues fighting their grip. Negan and a few other men chuckle at this, making fun of her for even trying to fight despite her meek figure (and the fact that she was just unconscious). 

"Damn. I had a feeling you were faking it...smart." Negan says matter-of-factly as he approaches her. "But not smart enough to be able to aim for my head, huh?" he says in a disgustingly smug tone as he gets all in her face.

"I wasn't aiming for your head. That's too kind of a way to kill you. I wanna kill you with my bare hands." she growls into his face. I smirk a little, despite being terrified, I'm proud of my girlfriend's comebacks (it's kind of hot).

Negan just chuckles. He walks around in a small circle, seemingly pondering something. 

"Rick, it is your lucky day. I think I have a brand new SPECIAL ass offer for you tonight. A classic 2 for one. How about I don't kill any more of your people, but I get to take Daryl and Little Psycho's girlfriend home with me? Sounds pretty damn great what do you say?" Negan looks to my dad, whom I've never seen so broken and distraught before. 

"You're not taking her!" I immediately protest. I'd rather die than have him take her to the Sanctuary and do whatever the hell he's going to do with her. No way. But Negan is clearly upset by my interjection.

"Hey, kid, I wasn't talking to you. I was asking your dad." He looks at my dad once again. I see the look on my dad's face, desperately wishing he didn't have to make the decision. I know he loves (y/n) and Daryl, but he could save lives if he let them go...Just then out of the corner of my eye I see Negan raise his bat up, right in front of (y/n)'s head. 

"Or, she could atone for her mistakes, AND I take Daryl home. Really tricky choice Rick, I know..." My dad shakes a bit more. He gives me a sorrowful look, almost telling me he's sorry.

"Don't- Don't hurt her please. You can take them just don't hurt them, p-please." my dad begs as tears roll down his face. Negan smirks and slowly lowers his bat. (y/n)'s eyes are locked on me. She looks empty, cold, and sad. I want nothing more than to beat Negan's head in with my fists. 

"Well, I'm glad we could come to an agreement." Negan motions for the guys to throw (y/n) over next to Daryl. She crashes to the ground next to him, and then shakily gets on her knees. I watch Daryl look at her, and give her a small reassuring nod, hoping to make her feel safe that's she's with someone she trusts. 

Negan is bent over, talking to my dad and getting all up in his face, but I don't really hear what he's saying. I just peer over at (y/n), watching her laboured breaths in the cold air, and wishing I could run over and hug her and kiss her and never let her go. Suddenly, Negan stands up, putting my dad's axe into his belt. Then he pulls him by the collar like a dog. 

"Be right back, maybe Rick will be with me.", He says as he drags my dad to the RV,"If not, wellll we can just turn these people inside out, won't we? I mean...the ones that are left." Negan says as he slams the RV door behind him. I feel the group collectively hold its breath as the RV drives off into the distance and we're all left just sitting here...waiting.

Your POV

A couple hours later

The sun is up in the sky and the cool of the night begins to warm up. The RV rolls back into its spot and Rick falls out, followed by a proud Negan. He gets dragged yet again to the centre of the circle, and Negan stands proudly in front of the group, like a cat who just brought its owner a dead mouse. 

"Here we are." he says plainly. He goes into a monologue about the way Rick gave him a dirty look. You breathe heavily, still feeling the pain in your back and ribs from your fall. All you can do is sit there and watch. Watch as everything you once held so dearly, is ripped away. The security, the safety, the happiness, the community. Everything is gone, and it will never be the same. You snap out of your thoughts when you hear a gun cock behind your head. You notice everyone also has a gun to the backs of their heads, and you tremble in fear, shaken by the thought of any of them getting their head blown off.

"Good, yeah. Level with their noses so if you have to fire- BOOM -It'll be a REAL. mess." he jokes around like a fucking douchebag. Rick looks around at everyone, teary eyed and more scared than I've ever seen someone. But your stomach drops when your worst fear happens. 

"Kid. Now." Negan points for Carl to step up next to his dad. He stays put stubbornly, but after a second prompt he reluctantly heads over. You watch his face remain rock solid, determined to not show any fear, but you know how he was really feeling inside.

"You a southpaw?" he asks and Carl looks at him confused. "Are you a lefty?" Negan reiterates, and Carl denies. "...good!" Negan says as he slips a belt around Carl's left arm. He tightens it, cutting off his blood flow. You watch each move Negan makes very carefully, being prepared to risk your life to intervene if he hurts him.

"That hurt?"

"No."

"It should...it's supposed to." Negan says before prompting Carl to get on the ground next to his dad. 

"Come on kid, spread those wings!" he says as he playfully throws Carl's hat behind him. Carl huffs as he reluctantly kneels beside his dad. 

"Simon, you got a pen?" Negan asks before one of his henchmen throw him a pen. As Negan bends down and begins drawing a line on Carl's arm, it all starts to click for you. You imagine an axe crashing down onto your boyfriend's arm, taking it off in a few clean chops. 

"Rick I want you to take your axe, and cut your son's left arm off right on that line."

Without even thinking about it you shout "NO!-" but immediately fall back into line, trying to avoid any consequences. Negan turns around to give you a dirty look. 

"If you say, one more goddamn word, you will be chopping off the right arm. You hear me?" he says, striking fear straight down through your core. You nod sheepishly and let him continue. 

"Do it dad." Carl whispers, his face buried into the gravel. Rick looks around, unable to get himself to believe he can do it.

"I'm gonna need you to do it or all these people are gonna die. Then Carl's girlfriend dies," he points his bat at you as he mentions you,"then Carl dies, then the people back home die, and then you...eventually."

"You don't have to do this! We-we understand! We understand!" Michonne tries to intervene. 

"Yeah, you understand...but I don't think Rick does." he responds, then looks back down at Rick and Carl. You try to contain yourself, but the tension is too much, and you can't control what comes out of your mouth. 

"Take my arm instead! Please!" you shout, fearful of the consequences of what you just said. 

"You, are quite the daredevil. I gotta say, I kind of admire that." Negan strolls over to you slowly. He bends down and his face meets your face. 

"You know what, I have a great idea Rick. Since you are too pussy to do it yourself, I'm gonna get your future daughter-in-law to do it!" Negan immediately drags you over, pushes Rick to the ground, now lying face to face with Carl, and slams you down right in the middle of them. Negan puts the axe in your hand now, and you tremble as the weight of the axe weighs your arm down.

 "I'm gonna need a clean cut. Right there on that line, now I know this is a screwed up thing to ask but it's gonna be kind of like a salami slice. Nothing messy, clean, 45 degrees. Give us something to fold over. We got a great doctor! Your boyfriend will be fine...probably." You look at Rick, his eyes full of fear and regret, seemingly wishing you weren't in this position. Then you look over at your boyfriend. His brave face looks at you from the ground. You don't know how someone in this position could be so collected, but he looked more than ready. 

"Do it (y/n)." You immediately start sobbing, unable to control the torment you feel inside yourself. 

"Jesus Christ are you gonna make me count?" Negan gets in your face as you continue screaming out your sobs. "3...2...1..." he screams in your face. Rick screams various things like 'no, stop, don't make her do this, don't make us do this'. You can't hesitate any longer though. You raise the axe up, ready to strike, but Negan grabs your arm before you can bring the axe down. You look over at him, tears streaming down your face, spit flying out of your mouth, and your breathing slows down. He rips the axe out of your hand and throws it on the ground. He the marches over to Rick, pulling his dribbling, tearful body up off the gravel. 

"You answer to me. You provide for me. You belong to me. Right?" Rick shakes and nods his head as Negan chants these words to him. You look down at Carl as Negan berates Rick more. You bend down to meet his face on the gravel. He smiles at you, feeling weirdly happy to know that if anyone was going to cut his arm off, it was going to be you. 

"I love you." he whispers onto your puffy, red, tear stricken face. 

"I love you too." you reply. You plant a small kiss on his lips before you're forcefully ripped away, pulled up by Negan's gloved hand and stood up.

"Today was a PRODUCTIVE damn day!" you flinch as he shouts. He monologues as Carl rises up, sitting up on the ground below you. You two lock eyes again, knowing it'll be the last time for a while. You try to force a smile to reassure him, and he tries forcing one back.

Negan interrupts your thoughts,"What's your name by the way?" he whispers in your ear. You hesitate for a moment, finding it hard to spit any words out.

"(y-y/n)." you stutter. He points to Glenn with his baseball bat.

"You, by the way, should be extra thankful to little miss bad ass over here for keeping me from bashing your skull in." There's a pause as you and Glenn exchange looks. He looks at you with this red face and mouths the words 'thank you'. You simply nod in return before you're forcefully jerked away again by one of the Saviours.

"DWIGHT, load the two of them up for me." Your heart races as you're dragged farther and farther away from Carl. 

You're thrown forcefully into the back of a van, landing in Daryl's arms. You clamour off of him and slump down the side of the van, sitting with your head in your hands. Daryl remains defensive until the van doors close. Once the Saviours enter the front seats, you climb over and look through the back windows of the van.

You watch as the rest of the Saviours mosey back to their vehicles, almost as if nothing happened. You spot Carl, who hasn't moved an inch, eyes locked on the van you were in. You zoom off, not taking your eyes off the sight, until it shrinks out of view. You look back at Daryl, arms crossed in defeat. He ignores you at first, but then motions for you to sit next to him. You do so and curl up into a ball. He puts his arm around you, trying to comfort you. 

But nothing could possibly help right now. You had no idea what kind of torture you were in for. 

Chapter Text

Your already bruised body is slammed down onto a concrete floor. 

"Oof! You alright doll? Didn't mean to slam you down like that." a man chuckles as he towers over you, "I'm Simon." You take a look at your surroundings. You're in a small room with a bed, some bookshelves, a kitchenette, and a bathroom attached. 

He does some sarcastic jazz hands "Home sweet home." he says as you look around. 

"W-where am I?" you ask, confused. Simon struts towards you as you stand up, dazed in your new room. 

"It's called the Sanctuary, Negan's headquarters. And this is your room. Bit nicer than where I woulda put you. So be grateful." You look him up and down, still a bit confused. 

"He was about to kill me, why the hell would he put me in a place this nice?"

"Anyways, don't bother trying to escape, the door locks from the OUTside. Negan'll be here in a moment, give you a little briefing on how shit's gonna go down." Simon nods at you as he walks through the door, the lock clicking behind him. You take a deep sigh, your ribs aching as they expand. You're immediately drawn to the bookshelves and decide to take a look through the collection. You see plenty of boring filler books: self help, finance, 50¢ romance novels. But a few classics catch your eye. You recall your mom's favourite book, The Catcher in the Rye. When you were younger she read you small excerpts from it. You rifle through the pages and stop on a random page, then search for a random place to start:

"Among other things, you'll find that you're not the first person who was ever confused and frightened and even sickened by human behaviour. You're by no means alone on that score, you'll be excited and stimulated to know. Many, many men have been just as troubled morally and spiritually as you are right now."

You roll your eyes, acknowledging the ironic reality of that line now. You shut the book promptly and creep over to your kitchenette, running your hand along the countertop. You try the faucet and water immediately comes shooting out, to which you quickly switch it off. Next you check your small ensuite bathroom. There's a small shower, a toilet and a sink. Hung up are a few towels and under the sink is toilet paper and lots of toiletry items, even some feminine products for you. You finally make your way to the bed. While small, it's quite bouncy. Sat on the edge is an extra blanket and a set of clothes about your size. You wonder in amazement at how much they have, questioning how they get so many resources. 

Just then you hear the door squeak open and you spin around, coming face to face with Negan himself, with a few saviours stood outside, blocking the doorway. 

"Well, waddya think? Pretty nice isn't it?" Negan snarls as he looks you in the eye. He slowly creeps closer to you as you shake, your breath quickening. You nod cautiously in response. 

"I'm guessing you're probably really confused though, so let me get some shit cleared up." Negan sits down on your bed, smiling as he bounces a bit, and then motions for you to take a seat. You do so very slowly, in fear of what he might do to you.

"So, let me get this out of the way, I don't like to kill women, ok? Especially bad asses like you. So think of this as kind of a house arrest, but in my house. Let's just say, Daryl is not having as much fun as you right now." You frown at the mention of your friend's name, hoping they haven't hurt him too bad. 

"Now, like I said, you are a supreme bad ass, a real renegade. And I love that about you. So, I'm thinking maybe you become one of us. Now I know, you aren't super into that idea just yet, you don't have to give me an answer. But mull it over in that smart head of yours." You scoff, offended that he'd even suggest that. He rolls his eyes at you. 

"Yeah, that's about what I was expecting. But if you don't come around in the next few days, I'm gonna have to do something I really don't wanna do. Remember how much leverage I have over you. You don't wanna piss me off." he says as he slowly stands up, now towering over you. 

"What are you gonna do if I don't?" you growl up at him.

"Simple, really. I'll bring Carl up here, and we'll have a nice long chat, kinda the same vibe as our little party last night. You know lots of blood and trauma." he smirks down at you watching your face drop at the mention of your boyfriend's name. 

"Please I-" 

"Let me know when you decide what you wanna do, and we'll go from there." he nods, satisfied with himself. He slowly trods out the door, and the saviours close and lock it behind him. You stare at the back of the door from your bed. A small sign hung on the back that said "Employees only", left behind from the remnants of the factory. 

You pass the time mulling over your choices, trying to think of a way out. You try the window, unlocking the door, finding something sharp to retaliate with, but you conclude there's no way out of this. Just then your door opens and you find a woman with a barcode tattooed on her neck walking into your room, her face appearing bored out of her mind. 

"Yo, what do you want for dinner?" she asks plainly. You give her a confused look.

"What do you have?" 

"Like, anything?"

"Anything?"

"Yes dude. Anything, what do you want?"

"Um, steak?"

"We don't have fucking steak this isn't a farm." 

"Um...soup?"

"What kind?"

"Chicken noodle?"

"Crackers too?"

"Yeah. Sounds good." she raises her eyebrows at you, huffs, and walks out. 

"What the fuck? I get whatever I want for dinner? Why is he being so nice to me?" you think to yourself. You flop backwards onto your bed and stare at the ceiling, tracing a crack with your eyes. You never realized how boring and tormenting your life was without Carl, and you hoped he was ok.

Carl's POV

"So I was thinking tomorrow, you, me, whoever else can join, we all go to the sanctuary and get (y/n) and Daryl back." I stare at my dad as he feeds Judith. He sighs, giving me a sad expression. 

"I'm sorry Carl. There really isn't anything we can do about it."

"Dad shut up, we're going. We can't just leave her there."

"We're not prepared to take them on yet. We're running out of ammo, food, and people. You'll see her again someday, once we get all the plans in order with the other communities. But there's nothing we can do right now." I sigh, knowing he's right. It just hurts my entire being not having her safely with me. I huff and head to the bathroom upstairs. 

I peel my clothes off and hop into the warm, steamy shower. All the sweat, dirt, and blood washes off of me from the previous night. I just wish I could wash away the fear. I replay all the events in my mind and feel my heart start to pound in my chest. I hear the crack of Negan's bat, but instead of Abraham, (y/n)'s the one getting bludgeoned. My vision blurs as I fall deeper and deeper into my thoughts. I grip onto the tiled shower wall, trying to catch my breath, but the thoughts of (y/n) in danger cloud my mind. I squeeze my eye shut, trying to clear my head. I think about her beaten, starving, cold, looking up at me in fear. I shake my head, clear my thoughts, and try to envision her here, right next to me. Her warm wet hands hug me from behind, her body presses against my back, and her hands squeeze my chest trying to ease my heartbeat.

"Just breathe. It's gonna be ok Carl. You're my brave boy, just breathe."

Her warm words whisper into my ears as my heart rate slows, and I regain my ability to stand. I keep my eye shut though, latching onto the fleeting feeling of her there with me, as it slowly fades away. I reopen my eye and stare blankly into the tiles on the wall, seeing the reflection of myself. My wet hair, my hideous eye, the tan lines seared into my arms. I sigh, turning off the water and dripping onto the floor as I grab my towel. I need to go get her, with or without help. I can't imagine the innate horrors Negan is putting her through right now.

Your POV

You slurp up the last of your soup and slam the bowl down on the table. You hum in delight, not having eaten in over 24 hours, and head to the sink to rinse the bowl. As you stand though, your spine and sides ache. You took a really hard fall from the tree, and all the rough handling hasn't helped either. You groan in pain, heading for your bed. You crawl under the covers, enjoying the release of pain from your torso. You turn off your bedside lamp and settle into bed. As you stare at the back of your eyelids, trying to fall asleep, you attempt to set yourself back into reality. 

"Sure having this whole room to myself is nice but, I can't get comfy. I'm not staying here for long. I'll escape eventually."

You continue to think about Carl, Alexandria, and all your friends as the hum of the air conditioner lulls you to sleep. 

You wake up to gunshots. All of a sudden you're hiding behind a tree in the forest, an assault rifle in your hands. You look around desperately wishing you remembered what you were doing. Suddenly a stream of bullets fly near your face and you duck just in time. You look up to see Carl, aiming his gun at you. He steps closer to you slowly, keeping his aim on you.

"Carl!" you say, jumping up and going for a hug, only to be met with him jumping back, loading another round into his chamber. 

"You betrayed us. How could you? I loved you (y/n)." Carl begins to cry. You throw your gun aside and throw your hands up in surrender. 

"No I- He gave me no choice it was this or he was gonna kill you!" you plead to your boyfriend, your heart racing. 

"Nothing you say is gonna make me forgive you. You're dead to me. And now you're going to be dead to everyone." he says, before you can make anything out you hear the gun go off, and all you see is a flash of light.

You spring out of bed, causing your ribs to hurt. Your face drips with sweat and your heart pounds. You try calming yourself down, realizing it was just a nightmare. You grip the sheets and slowly lower yourself back down onto the pillow. You try going back to sleep, but your fear of slipping back into that dream causes your eyes to spring open every few minutes.

"I've gotta get the hell out of here." you think to yourself as you trace the crack on the ceiling once more. 

Chapter Text

A couple weeks later

Carl's POV

I cower behind a stack of produce, sweat pouring out of me and my heart racing. I hear the engine kick on, and feel the truck start to move. The vibrations shake my body as I try calming myself down. Jesus and I slowly make our way out from behind our spots and look out the back of the truck as trees and buildings fade into the distance. I watch Jesus as he cuts open a box, grabs a bottle of syrup, and begins to pour it outside the truck.

"I'm leaving a trail, I think we're getting close...we should probably bail soon, follow them the rest of the way and see what we can find." 

"H-how?" 

"It's not usually the fall that gets you, it's fighting it. You just gotta tuck and roll out of the truck. Might get a little bruised but, they're going slow enough. We should be fine." He looks back at me, reassuringly. I try to make him think I'm apprehensive, like I'm too scared to jump out of a moving vehicle. 

"You go first, show me how." He closes the bottle of syrup, tossing it out on the ground, and gives me a look back. He jumps off the side of the truck and rolls a few times, before finding cover behind an old sofa on the side of the road. I open the plastic curtains and simply wave goodbye at him as he curses himself. I feel a little bad tricking him but, I have to go get (y/n), I have to go alone. And I'm not leaving without her. 

The sound of walkers fades closer as the truck approaches a huge abandoned factory. I hide back behind the crates of produce and search through a crate of guns. I pick out the biggest one, make sure there's ammo, and ready myself. The truck comes to a stop and I hear the clatter of men stepping out of the truck and beginning to unload.

"What the hell!?" a man climbs onto the truck, spotting me. I immediately open fire and step over the man's dead body as I make my way out.

"Bring me (y/n) and nobody else gets shot!" I say, breathing heavily and pointing my gun at the saviours gathered around the truck. Just then Negan trots over, slowly clapping. 

"Well, well, well. Look who decided to pay us a little visit!" I stare him in the eyes, my gun pointed right for his head. 

"You are adorable! Did you pick that gun 'cause it looks cool? You totally did didn't you?" Suddenly one of the saviours jumps at me and instinctively I shot bullets right into his stomach. In response I was tackled to the ground, the gun wrestled out of my hands. Dwight points the gun at me, takes my knife, and backs off of me as I lay there on the ground. Just then I spot Daryl by the fence dressed in a burlap sack. He looks dirty and disheveled (more than usual), and he stares at me with fear in his eyes. Then Negan strolls over to me and offers me a hand. 

"How about I give you a tour of this place, huh?" I stare back at him, a stern look in my eye, and I scramble to my feet. 

"Damn, I am not gonna have time to screw ANY of my wives today." Negan says as we make our way up the stairs. We stand on a balcony overlooking the factory floor. As Negan rests his arms on the railing, the families below us get on one knee. 

"The saviours have gone out and fought the dead and come back with some really good shit. Tonight everyone gets fresh vegetables with dinner. No. Points. Needed!" Negan bellows and the crowed immediately bursts into gasps of joy and excitement. 

"As you were!" Negan says and the people set to work again. He places a hand on my shoulder as he ushers me back to the stairwell. 

"It's called respect kid. You gotta earn it somehow." He says, his voice echoing through the hall as I follow him up a winding staircase. 

"Where's (y/n)?" I ask him and he stops in his tracks. 

"She's out with Gavin, bringing some goodies home from the Kingdom." He sees my face drop and chuckles.

"Shoot. You thought you were just gonna come here and save her, take her back home with you? Well, unlucky day for you. You just missed her." He smirks at me and continues leading me through the dingy hallways. 

"Besides, she's one of us now. She's Negan, she even said it herself..." Negan rubs his thumb gently and under his breath whispers, "...after some persuasion." I twist my face with confusion at the back of his head as we walk into a room filled with women in tight black dresses, sipping drinks. 

"Ladies, don't mind the kid." he announces as he enters the room. The women all look sad, especially one sitting on the couch surrounded by a few others. When we walk in it feels like we've interrupted something, and I can't help but feel bad for these women. It sounds like they're basically just his sex slaves. Negan bends down to my ear and lowers his voice so only I can hear.

"I know, all the women where you live look like they do the books at an auto shop. You're gonna wanna look at my wives' titties...It's ok. I don't mind, they don't mind, and I'm sure (y/n) won't mind..." he smirks and nudges my shoulder, but my face winces in disgust. When he says her name I feel flames rise up into my throat. My face gets hot and I wish I could just strangle him right then and there. Negan then pulls away a brunette wife, one that was comforting the blonde on the couch. 

"Make yourself at home kid." he says as they go chat in the corner. I stand in place, my feet feeling like they're cemented there. I try coming up with a plan. Maybe sneak out and meet (y/n) on the road? But I don't know where they went, when they're coming back, or how many people they have. Maybe I'll stay until (y/n) gets back, then I'll try to slip her away and we'll go home together. But that would probably just make Negan angry and get people killed. I stare at the floor until I feel a presence loom over me. 

"Are you Carl, (y/n)'s friend?" I look to my right to find a redheaded wife as she whispers to me.

"Boyfriend actually. How did you-" I ask, but she cuts me off.

"Just listen. She told me you'd probably come to save her, so she wrote you this." The woman slips an envelope into my back pocket, causing me to jump slightly. "She said to get out of here as soon as possible, and then read it. And don't do anything stupid." Before I can respond, she walks back to a couch to sit with a few other women. She glares at me for a second and I look back to Negan. He makes his way to the blonde wife sitting on the couch in front of me. I decide to disregard the advice and read the letter now since Negan's distracted. I slip the envelope out as I turn around to face the wall. I unfold the note inside and read:

Dear Carl my love,

If you're reading this, that means you decided to be a huge dipshit and came to save me. That's so romantic, but even more stupid. I bet you haven't even left yet, even though I specifically said to read it AFTER you leave. Negan is probably like 3 feet away from you right now, fucking dumbass. 

I pause my reading to look behind me to see Negan still crouched in front of the girl, about 3 feet away from me. I shake my head annoyed at how well (y/n) knows me. He then stands up and heads back over to the brunette from earlier. I quickly whip my head around and go back to reading. 

Ok sorry I'm done I just needed to get my anger out. So Negan made me become a saviour. Don't worry, I'm well fed, I shower pretty much daily, and I get to sleep in a comfy bed every night. But I have a plan to get out of here. Well like, I WILL have a plan, but you know what I mean. I'm coming home soon, but you need to stay in Alexandria, make sure everyone there is safe, and don't go causing more trouble than we need. I'm not being tortured or enslaved, I'm fine. 

Please, just go home. I love you,

(y/n) 

A tear falls from my eye and hits the page as I finish. Seeing her name on paper almost makes it feel like she's right next to me again; her blushing, smiling face inches away from mine. Just then I hear the door swing open. I quickly shove the paper into my back pocket, wipe my face, and turn around. Negan holds up a finger, signalling everyone to wait until he's finished making out with the brunette. Dwight had entered the room, gripping the collar of Daryl's dirty burlap sack. We lock eyes and he nods to me in a reassuring way. I open my mouth to speak to him, but Negan strolls up to us first and asks me to take the tray of snacks from him. 

"Why you got him here?" Daryl grumbles to Negan. Shocked, he replies,

"Woah! What we talk about when you're not here, is NONE of your business. Now Dwight, you fire up that furnace. We got some teaching to do later." Negan puts his arm around me and leads me down the hallway again. "But first I wanna have a little chat with the kid." I stare at Daryl as we head out, wishing I could say something, or ask him if (y/n) is ok. 

We enter a big bedroom, clearly Negan's judging by how fancy and plush it was compared to the rest of the Sanctuary. As Negan closes the door behind us, I stand there, still holding the snack tray. 

"So are all those women really your-"

"Wives? Yep, they are. I've always wanted to screw a whole bunch of women, so why not? Why follow the same old rules? I mean, I'm sure ole (y/n)'s a hoot in bed, but you don't want the same old same old every time, do you? She gets boring right?" My face burns as he speaks about her. 

"She's the only one I want. It's her, and only her, and will always be only her." I say in the most vile tone I can muster, but he just chuckles at me. 

"Sure kid, we'll see how that goes. Have a seat, let's get started." He sits down on a chair by the window, and I sit across from him, setting the tray down on the table in between us.

"I wanna get to know you a little better Carl. I'd expect a kid like you to be moping around crying about missing the prom. But here you are, on a mission. You come, find me, kill 2 of my men, all while knowing I'm not gonna let that shit slide. And for what, your little high school girlfriend you've been knocking boots with for a few months?" 

"I've known her my whole life. She was the best friend I'd ever had, and now she's the greatest girlfriend," I gulp, my voice starting to shake,"and she'll be my amazing wife one day. But that's not gonna be possible if you're here, terrorizing everyone. Stealing our shit, killing our people." I stop myself short, noticing the smirk forming on Negan's face.

"I'm sorry kid. That is really touching but, I mean it's like talking to a birthday present, you have GOT to take that thing off. Let me see what's under there." I curl my nose in disgust. 

"No."

"TWO MEN. Punishment.", Negan's voice booms suddenly,"You really don't wanna piss me off, considering I have your future wife staying down the hall from me." he says with the mean grimace. I sigh, remembering what (y/n) told me 

"Don't go causing more trouble than we need."

So reluctantly, I take my hat off and place it on the table. I peel the bandage away from my eye and pull the wrap off, revealing my ugly scarred eye socket. Negan's mouth upturns into a vicious smile. He whistles in amusement.

"Christ that is disgusting! No wonder you cover that thing up. Have you seen it? Has (y/n) seen it?" I sigh, and shake my head. She insists she doesn't care, but I've been too self conscious to show her.

"Good, because there's no way she'd get into bed knowing that THAT is what's underneath. That shit is gross as hell! Like, I can see your socket! Can I touch it? Oh please let me touch it." Negan chuckles some more at me. I let my hair fall back over my eye, covering it up, and look at the ground embarrassed. My face feels hot and my chest burns a bit as I try my best not to cry. I can't help but feel disgusted with myself, thinking about (y/n)'s reaction if she saw me like this. Negan sees the tears escape my eye and his face falls. 

"Ah, look kid. It's easy to forget that you really are...just a kid. I-I didn't mean to hurt your feelings or anything. I was just screwing around-"

"Just forget it." I sigh, interrupting his useless apology. Just then, there's a knock on the door, and in comes one of the saviours holding Lucille. 

"You forgot Lucille outside, sir." he says, holding out the same bat that killed 2 of my friends just a week ago. 

"Yeah, I guess a kid coming in and firing a machine gun at my men was a bit of a distraction." he says to him, then turns back to me. "But in all seriousness kid, that shit is badass. No one is gonna wanna mess with you looking like that. It may not be a hit with the ladies but, I wouldn't cover it up if I were you." he says, attempting to instil confidence in me. He then approaches "Fat Joey" and asks him some questions about Lucille. I manage to tune it out though, thinking about (y/n). There's no way I'm ever showing this to her, if I can help it. I mean, she's the sweetest person I've ever met, but that just means she'd lie to me about being ok with it. She'd say "Oh yeah Carl, it doesn't bother me at all. You don't have to hide it!" but I know deep down, everyone knows it's disgusting. 

My thoughts are suddenly interrupted when I see Negan sit back down in front of me. Joey goes to leave, but turns around, remembering something. 

"Oh and uh, Gavin and the group are back from the Kingdom. They wanted you to come review everything they brought back." My eyes light up, knowing that means (y/n) is back. But Negan quickly squashes any hope I had of seeing her with just one vicious look. 

"Tell them I'm busy. But don't let the girl know he's here or I swear to god I will beat the ever loving shit out of you." Negan says with a growl. Joey stands, frozen in fear, before Negan bursts out into laughter. 

"I'm just busting your balls fat Joey. But seriously, do not let her know he's here." Joey tries to muster a chuckle, nods, and quickly heads out, shutting the door behind him. 

"I know you'd probably love to go stick your tongue down your girlfriend's throat right now, but we still got some shit to go over. Like uh, what do you like to do for fun? Do you like music?" I just stare angrily at him, hoping I'm conveying how pissed off at him I am right now. His face twists into a wicked smile.

"I want you to sing me a song." 

"What?"

"That's right! I want you to sing me a song. Any song will do, just none of that show tunes crap like Fiddler on the Roof or Les Miserables. Just something short n sweet. Warm up those pipes for me!" Negan stands up and starts to mosey around the room. My mind goes blank as I try to think. I've never really sung before, so I'm extremely nervous to attempt for the first time here. Negan gives me a pleading look, warning me to hurry up and start. I start to feel hot, but then I think of a song (y/n) sang a few weeks ago, when she was trying to get Judith to sleep. She was babysitting while dad and I were on a run and she had no idea I was standing outside the door, listening to every sweet moment as she sang. I take a deep sigh, and try to channel her through my voice as I begin singing 'You Are My Sunshine'.

Your POV, a few days after you arrived at the Sanctuary

You sit in the arm chair across from Negan, a tray of snacks in between you.

"So, how are you liking it here so far?" You shrug, not really knowing what to say, not wanting to sound eager, but also not wanting to piss him off. Negan chuckles and slowly takes off his one leather glove, tossing it on the table. "I know you like it here. You got a nice room, a bunch of books, unlimited food. But the one thing you don't have right now is freedom, right? You just sit in that room all day, reading, staring at the ceiling twirling your hair in your fingers. Not so fun." You continue to stare at him with your eyebrows furrowed. Negan now moves closer to your chair, crouching to be below you now.

"So, whaddya say? You wanna be a Saviour? Go out, interact with people, kill some walkers, kill some people too. It's really not a bad gig." He inches closer to your face and places his right hand on your cheek. "And I won't have to kill you or your savage little boyfriend either." You can't help but feel the anger bubbling inside of you at the mention of Carl. 

"Just say you're Negan sweetie, and everyone stays in one piece, alive and well." You hated this feeling between a rock and a hard place, but knew ultimately, you had to give in to Negan. 

"I'm...Negan..." You say reluctantly. His hand stings on your cheek, and you can't stand the smug look on his face when you say that. Without thinking, you snap your head to the side and bite down as hard as you can onto his thumb. The crunch echoes in your skull as you watch, almost in slow motion, as Negan feels the pain, and his face drops. 

"GOD FUCKING DAMMIT YOU BITCH!" He yells. He rips his hand away from you and stands up, turning away. He examines his thumb and when he slowly turns around, you see his thumb oozing blood. He holds his thumb with his other hand, trying to slow down the blood flow, and gives you a sinister look. The look burns into your head, feeling scared that you might've just messed everything up. But slowly, for some reason his face cracks up into a smile. He shakes his head in disbelief and smiles.

"You are gonna make a great saviour." he says, smirking at me.

Chapter Text

Carl's POV

The sun hits my face as Negan and I step out of the Sanctuary. Just as our feet hit the dirt, a box truck rolls up. 

"You're driving kid, I call shotgun." Negan says as he hoists Lucille onto his shoulder and walks around the truck. I'm about to climb in, until I hear a familiar voice from behind me. I whip my head around to see a man with curly blonde hair, standing in front of (y/n), wagging his finger in her face. I stand still, unable to move from my place as my heart races. She looks around miserably as she gets berated next to the fences, and finally her eyes land on me. She looks completely dumbfounded, like she hasn't seen me in years. I feel my first foot lift off the ground and begin to run, only to be stopped by sharp tug at the collar of my shirt. Negan grips onto me and pulls me back, slamming me into the truck door, his voice booming from behind me in my ear.

"You do not speak to her. You do not look at her. She is being punished, understand? She is not allowed to speak to you or see you, and if she does, she gets an addition to her punishment.", Negan lifts up his bat and knocks it against the door next to my head,"And you do not want me to add to her punishment I assure you...Nod so I know you understand." I shake in fear, and nod. Slowly, Negan lets go and lifts himself away from me. I slowly climb into the truck and turn to look at where (y/n) was, only to find she's gone. My heart drops, and I feel the heat in my chest that appears when I miss her. I sadly get into the truck, start it up, and head for Alexandria with Negan.

Your POV

Gavin drags you to the side of the building by your wrist. You watch as Carl slowly fades out of view, shoved against the side of the truck by Negan. Similarly, Gavin shoves you against hot stone wall of the factory.

"As I was saying, if you act like that on a run again we're gonna have to tell Negan, and he's gonna make you a prisoner again. And I really don't feel like going through all that hassle." Gavin points his dirty finger at you.

"I can't just sit by as you threaten those poor people. Who cares if they were ONE TURNIP SHORT. I wasn't going to let you kill anyone there. Especially not Morgan." You sternly look at Gavin, his face completely apathetic. 

"You've acted out on the past 2 runs, that's 2 strikes. 3 strikes and you're-" Gavin is cut off by a swift kick to his side. He groans in pain and turns around, only to be punched in the face, knocking him out. Behind him stands Jesus, who gives you a warm, and very much needed smile. 

"He'll be out for a while, but I found motorcycles we can steal. Let's go." You nod, and follow him as you sprint around the building. Your heart pumps with adrenaline, and you can't help but smile as the two of you run together. You'd missed the feeling of being around someone you don't completely hate. As you approach a courtyard sort of area, you hear the crunching of someone's skull. You turn the corner to see Daryl repeatedly bashing in the skull of Joey. You watch in horror as he continues to smash the bloody remains of him. He looks up at you two, blood staining his face and hands.

"It ain't just about gettin by here. It's about gettin it all." he grumbles. You and Jesus exchange looks of concern, but you decide to brush it off. You knew exactly all the torture he had been through, so you really didn't blame him.

"I got the keys, let's go." Daryl says, climbing onto a motorcycle. You start to head for the bike, but realize all your belongings are still up in your room. Your bag, your gun, and most importantly, your sketchbook, filled with accounts from your time through the apocalypse, drawings, and little notes from Carl and Enid.

"You guys go ahead. I gotta go get something first." Jesus immediately shakes his head.

"No, there's no way you're getting out if you go back in there." he says, his voice concerned. 

"Please, just get out of here. With Negan gone it'll be a lot easier for me to escape, and everyone probably thinks I'm still with Gavin. I'll see you guys on the road." They each look at you like you're crazy, but you just give them a look in response, assuring them that you can do this. You swing the heavy metal door open and run inside the messy, dank basement of the Sanctuary.

Your blood pumps through your body as you try to make it through the maze of similar looking hallways. It feels like hours that you run around, occasionally hiding in a closet or peering around a corner. You finally find your room, quickly open the door, and slip inside. You take a second to catch your breath before hopping back into action. You grab your bag and fill it with all your belongings that you had scattered around the room. You turn to head out the door, but then you're met with Dwight's figure standing in the doorway. His scarred face stares at you blankly as you cower, gripping the straps of your bag. 

"You finally escaping, huh?" he growls at you, before stepping in and closing the door behind him. 

"P-please. Dwight, please let me go." He looks you up and down, his face remaining callous. "Sherry told me about you. She told me about your marriage, and you aren't a bad guy. You don't want to be here and you don't have to obey Negan, just let me go." 

"Sherry told me about you too. How you guys have gotten kinda close. And that you remind her a lot of herself when she was your age. Rebellious, loyal," You notice his face begin to soften,"and thinks she's untouchable." He shakes his head, shifting his gaze to the floor. 

"I'm just going to escape again. You can't keep me here forever, you know that." You say softly, stepping closer to him. 

"It'd be smarter to just stay here. Serve your time. Don't go through the trouble of having to hide away from Negan, worrying about what he'd do to you if he caught you...you sure you wanna leave?" he asks with seemingly genuine concern. You nod, knowing exactly the consequences of your actions. Dwights simply nods back, and then tosses you a set of car keys. 

"Red Toyota, parked out back. Don't get caught, and don't tell anyone I did this. I'm just doing it for Sherry." his voice cracks. You stare at the keys in your hand, rubbing your thumb over a keychain of a peach that says 'Georgia' on it in red calligraphy. You look back up at him, smiling at him. He nods, opens the door, and walks away casually. You grip the keys in your hand and scurry out the door, headed for the back. 

With your bag over your shoulder and keys in hand, you step out the door, and find the exact car Dwight told you about. You smile to yourself, thankful it wasn't a trick, and hop into the car. You fumble around with the ignition, finally getting it to start, and you try to get comfortable. You'd never driven before, so you feel a bit apprehensive as your foot eases onto the gas pedal. The car jerks forward a bit, but slowly you get the hang of it, heading onto the open road. You feel free as the factory building fades into the distance behind you. You think about where you are and how to get back to Alexandria. 

"Wait shit, Negan is at Alexandria. I can't go there." you think to yourself. Hilltop would be a better alternative, hopefully Maggie and Glenn, maybe some others you know would be there too. You bite the inside of your cheeks, anxiously wishing you could go to Carl, let him know you're ok, feel him wrap his arms around you. Your body ached for his touch. Seeing him today was too much of a tease, you needed more than just a glimpse of him. Your mind races as you jerk the car around the road. Driving looked so easy, but you struggle with turning on the windy road and keeping a safe speed. 

As you drive, your mind wanders. You think back on everything that had happened to you the past few years. How you never truly got to be a kid and you'll never get to be a teenager. You'd read some old teen pop magazines that you scavenged from a run a while ago. All the girls worried about what makeup to do for prom and if they should sit by Chad or Jacob at lunch and how to set up the perfect sleepover. It seems so trivial that that's what girls your age worried about before all of this. You think about what your prom dress would look like, and you see Carl wearing a suit, holding a corsage to wrap around your wrist. You imagine him nervously fumbling to get it on you. Your heart stings a bit when you see your mom taking a picture of you two while Rick and Lori stand behind, beaming ear to ear. That's what life was supposed to be like. You and Carl, your family, and arbitrary little traditions that we have just for fun. 

You snap back into reality, your eyes obscured by the tears welling up in your eyes. You hurriedly wipe them away, but with your hands off the wheel, you don't have time to swerve out of the way of a deer running right into the front of your vehicle. You can't even let out a scream before you lurch forward, the deer going right into your windshield, and your face crashing against the broken glass. The last thing you can see is a bright flash, before complete darkness. 

"Shit! The nose is way too big." 

You wake up to Claire's voice exclaiming outside your tent. Your eyes crinkle open and you slowly raise up from your sleeping bag. Slowly unzipping the tent, the South Carolina sun hits your eyes, causing you to squint until your eyes adjust. You watch your friend sit on a log as she intently scribbles something in your sketchbook. When she notices you crawling out, she smiles at you. 

"Well look who decided to wake up." she giggles at you, her ragged blonde hair shining in the sun. You look around, stunned at where you are.

"Was that all a dream? Did I really meet Carl or, was I just asleep that whole time?" you think to yourself.

Claire taps the log next to her, signalling you to take a set. You slowly walk over, crouching down on the log. 

"Jason and Michael are out hunting, but they wanted you to get some extra rest. Take a look at my masterpiece!" she tilts the sketchbook over to you, revealing a cute drawing of you, her signature framing the bottom left of the page. The drawing is familiar, but you don't know how you could've already seen it in your dream if it's just now happened. Claire closes the book slowly and sets it on the ground as she notices you reeling. 

"Are you ok? You look like you're gonna hurl." She puts a reassuring hand on your shoulder. 

"I had a dream. That I was at this place and I saw Carl again and I was a little older and you guys. I don't know you guys weren't there I guess-" she cuts you off with her giggle. 

"Of course we weren't there, (y/n). Because we died." You jerk back in response, you feel like you're falling as you stare at her, still smiling at you. 

"B-but then-" 

"Yeah, we died. Because you weren't on watch. You remember."

"I-I left watch because I thought a herd was coming I just walked away for a second to check it out! And then-" you cut yourself off, feeling hot tears stream down your face. You see flashes of your friends getting torn apart. You feel the burning in your legs as you and Claire ran away, listening to your friends get eaten behind you. 

"And then I got bit." She raises her arm up, showing you a bite mark, blood dripping out of it. Your heart drops as you sob, remembering the morning you found out. You'd just lost 2 friends, and then you'd have to watch as you slowly lost another.

"I'm sorry!" you scream at her. Your lungs feel like they're bruised as your breath quickens. 

"It's ok (y/n). We forgive you." She says calmly. Your other 2 friends emerge behind her, their bodies mutilated as they limp over to you. 

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry. I'm sorry..." you repeat, hot tears flowing down your face as you plead to them. You repeat to them, over and over again, Claire staring at you and Jason and Michael slowly making their way closer. You close your eyes tight, hugging yourself and wishing you could wake up.

You feel your chest raise and lower slowly. Your dry throat causes you to cough, and you slowly open your eyes. All you see is bright white light, and you can only manage to squint. 

"(y/n)?" you hear through the fog. A warm hand is placed on your shoulder. After a few attempts at rubbing your eyes, you're able to see better. 

"(y/n)? Are you awake?" a bitter voice asks you. You see Carol hovering over you, placing a hand on your shoulder. You fully open your eyes now and attempt to sit up. She stands over top of you, giving you a stern look. You try opening your mouth to speak, but nothing except a cough comes out. She quickly hands you a glass of water, and you suck it down, quenching your thirst. You open your mouth again, but are interrupted this time.

"What the hell were you doing out there?" she asks with her hands on her hips. 

"I-I was at the Sanctuary. I escaped but I-I don't know what happened...Where am I?"

"You're in my house, lying on my couch. I found you in a car wrecked on the side of the road. W-why were you at the Sanctuary?" You start to tell her about it, but she cuts you off. 

"Never mind. I don't wanna know..." You look at her confused. Then she walks away into another room and you look around. Your arm is hooked up to a small IV bag and your body is covered in bandages. She walks back in the room with your bag and your gun, and sets them on the coffee table.  

"Where did you get all this medical stuff? Aren't you here alone?" She rolls her eyes. 

"Yeah, but Ezekiel insists on bringing me a bunch of supplies all the time. Food, meds, books." she seems annoyed by this, but you know she's just uncomfortable with being cared for. "And I'd like to continue to be alone, so you're going to the Kingdom. Just take a right, follow the road, then take a left. You'll see the gates." You look up at her, kind of annoyed with her callousness. You try to stand up off the couch, but your legs give out beneath you. You try wobbling up, and you're only able to stand for a few seconds before you plop back down on the couch, weakly. She lets out a long sigh, before looking away from you. 

"Alright. You can stay the night, but tomorrow morning, you're going." She turns to go to another part of the house, leaving you sat there alone. 

Later that night you two eat dinner together. You attempt to make conversation, but she clearly doesn't want an update on anything that's happened since she's been gone. And in the morning,  you head off, finally able to walk again after a meal and a night's rest. She waves goodbye to you, seeming concerned for you deep down, and you head down the road. 

Finally you reach the front gates, and the guards ask you who you are.

"I'm (y/n)! I'm friends with Carol and Morgan." You yell back, trying to assure them you're safe. Before they respond, they appear to talk to someone from down below on the other side. The gates open slowly and you approach cautiously. 

On the other side, Morgan and Daryl wait for you. Morgan smiles as you recognize his face and run towards him, jumping into his arms. He holds you in a tight hug for a minute, before pulling away. 

"I'm so glad you're here. Daryl came from Hilltop and told me what happened, I was so worried." he says with his hand still on your shoulder. His smiles fades slightly when he finally notices all the bandages on you, so you decide to fill him in.

"I kinda...wrecked a car. But thankfully Carol found me! She fixed me up and  let me rest. I feel a lot better now, don't worry." Daryl scoffs in amusement at hearing how you'd wrecked the car. 

"You're such an idiot sometimes." he says endearingly as he wraps you in a hasty side hug. 

"Well, we should probably tell the king you're here. He can give you a room to stay in." Morgan begins to lead you, but you don't follow. 

"I-I don't wanna stay. I wanna go back to Alexandria." you say defiantly. He stops in his tracks.

"You have to stay here. It's here or the Hilltop, Alexandria isn't a safe place to stay." 

"He's right, kid. You ain't goin back there. You're stayin here with me." Daryl grumbles in agreeance. You roll your eyes, knowing they're right and you should stay put. Slowly you follow Morgan to the auditorium to meet with the King.

Chapter Text

Carl's POV, a couple days prior

Our group enters the gates of the Kingdom. The sound of children laughing and music playing fills our ears as we slowly make our way inside. Surprisingly, we find Daryl there, along with Morgan.

After we meet with the king and attempt to get him to help us defeat the Saviours, we have a chat with Daryl.

"(y/n) left right after me n Jesus. But I didn't see her at Hilltop, and she's not here either. At least not yet." he says solemnly. "I don't know if she got out..." I stay silent, my mind racing as I think through the worst possible scenarios. Dad places a firm hand on my shoulder.

"Hey, don't worry. Maybe Daryl just missed her, or she's just still on her way. But you know (y/n) better than anyone else."

"Yeah, but it doesn't matter how smart or tough or strong she is. If they caught her, they won't hold back. She doesn't have any second chances left with them." I shake my head as I walk onto the empty RV, cursing myself for not saving her when I had the chance.

A few days later

Simon pulls into the gates of Alexandria with a few other truckloads of men. Everyone gathers around, waiting to see what's going on.

"We thought we'd have more time." my dad says to Simon as he approaches.

"You think we're here for a pick up? Nah, we're here for something else. Where's Daryl and (y/n)?" he asks pointedly.

"Negan took them." Simon chuckles at my dad.

"Yeah, and then your boy payed us a visit, and now they're gone. Is that just a coincidence?"

"It must be because, they aren't here." Simon smirks.

"Alright then. Everybody grab a buddy. We're gonna go around and have ourselves a little treasure hunt. Whoever find the girl and the gremlin gets a cookie!" Simon sharply announces, and the group disburses, heading all over town. I go to walk back home, when I'm grabbed by my collar by Simon.

"How about you give me a little room tour, eh kid?" I just roll my eyes and continue home, leading Simon to my bedroom.

I stand in the middle of my room, arms crossed, allowing Simon to search around for himself. He picks up some of my belongings, tosses them over his shoulder, and continues. I watch him intently as he looks through, my dresser drawers. I look away from Simon for a second when I hear a loud crash come from downstairs. I almost go to inspect it, when I hear Simon whistle in amazement. When I turn around, he's holding up one of (y/n)'s bras that she had left behind the last time she slept over. My face turns red with both anger and embarrassment.

"Look what we have here. Buried at the bottom of the drawer. You been saving this for any reason?" he asks as he examines it, even takes a whiff of it. I control my anger, balling my fists by my sides.

"To give it back to her when she gets home." I say plainly in order to not throw out too much attitude.

"Mmm. If she comes home you mean.", he pauses a moment to chuckle,"Really though, it's a nice bra...real nice..." he stands up now, still holding it in his hands. "You probably get a lot of use outta this. Anytime you're lonely, just pull it out, lay in bed and crank one out-" I interrupt him, unable to listen to him go on.

"Just stop! That's disgusting, I would never-" He cuts me off this time, inching closer to me now.

"Oh well, if you aren't using it then, you won't mind if I take it with me, will you? It'd be a real nice souvenir." he says as his mouth turns up into a smug smile. My face burns with anger now, thinking about what's going on in his sick twisted mind as he holds (y/n)'s bra. He nods, taking my silence as permission, and slides the bra into his cargo pant pocket, buttoning the top as he stares at me, still giving me a crooked smile.

"Thanks kid." he taps his pocket, and walks out of the room, leaving me there to feel dirty after listening to his thoughts.

After a few more hours of searching, the Saviours pack up to leave, taking a few odds and ends with them of course. I watch Simon as he climbs up onto his truck. Before stepping in, he makes eye contact with me and pats his pocket with a smile. I huff at him, wishing I could just blow his head off right now. As he gets into his truck and the crew drives away, my dad puts his hand on my shoulder.

"It sounds like (y/n) escaped. At least she's not at the Sanctuary anymore." he looks down at me, trying to give me a reassuring smile, but my face remains in a frown.

"Yeah, but she could be out there on her own, or got kidnapped by some other crazy group, or got killed. This is so much worse." I huff, ripping my shoulder away from him, and heading to my mattress to sulk.

Your POV, a week later

You and Daryl sling your bags over your shoulders as you stand before the gates of the Kingdom. You had decided to head back to Alexandria, hoping to be able to lay low there and help the others with their plan to defeat the Saviours. You just couldn't take the Kingdom's opposition to fighting for their freedom, so you left to go help the people that would. Daryl heads over to you, holding a map in his hands, and showing it off to you.

"Here's the Kingdom, I'm headed to Carol's real quick, but we'll meet back up here at this intersection. Just stay in the woods around the road, and you should be fine." You nod, having already agreed to the plan, but now understanding it much better with a visual aid. He hops on his bike and motors off as you slowly follow him out, heading for the road on the left instead of the right.

You continue along the road, staying in the woods far enough to hopefully remain invisible. As worried as you were for the journey home and remaining hidden in Alexandria, your heart beat with excitement most of all. The thought of seeing Carl as you walked through the Alexandrian gates, seeing your room again, even to see Spencer again made you excited. It had been about a month at this point since you'd been home, but it felt like years.

You approached the intersection where you were supposed to meet Daryl. You thought he'd be quicker since he was on a bike, but he wasn't there, so you sit on a log by the side of the road. You pull out a granola bar from your bag, and stick it in your mouth. You take a few deep breaths, trying to calm yourself down as you eat. But suddenly you hear a band of vehicles rolling towards you. Quickly, you tuck yourself behind a tree, hoping they didn't see you. Unfortunately, the trucks stop right next to where you're hidden. You hear loud footsteps advancing towards you, clicking on the concrete, and then crunching in the leaves as they get closer. Before they get any nearer you hold up your pistol and jump from behind the tree, pointing your gun at none other than Negan himself.

Sitting on Negan's lap in the passenger seat, 2 other men in the truck with you, you stare out the window.

"Sorry it's so cramped in here. We had no idea you were invited to the party." Negan remarks over my shoulder.

"Are you heading to Alexandria for a pick up?" you ask.

"Nah, we got some other shit to work out. Not sure if you're aware, but you aren't the only one of my prisoners missing, and we need to go clear some shit up." he says as he rubs the tip of Lucille with his thumb.

"What's in the casket?" you ask a few minutes later and Negan sighs when you break the silence.

"Oh just another one of your friends that decided to pay us a little visit. You remember Sasha." Your eyes widen and your breath hitches, but Negan chuckles in response.

"Christ, don't worry she's alive. Just thought a little subliminal messaging might go a long way, you know?" You shake your head at him and turn your attention back to the window.

Finally you pull up to the gates of Alexandria. Your heart beats out of your chest as you sit on Negan's lap. He picks you up and shifts you to the man sitting in the middle seat's lap before hopping out of the truck. You quickly slide off the man's lap, taking the passenger seat.

"You stay put, I'll bring you out if I need you." he chuckles before slamming the door behind him. The driver also gets out, leaving you in the truck alone with the other man, who stares at you voraciously. You only get a peak of Negan speaking in front of the gates since there's so many trucks in the way. After a while, you notice the crowd gets a bit more on edge. You can't exactly hear what's going on, but you can tell it isn't peaceful. Then you watch the casket door swing open, and a few men start to jump towards Negan, and then all hell breaks loose. A man frantically runs to the truck, swinging the door open.

"That undead bitch almost just killed Negan, this place just turned into a whole goddamn battlefield." he says with sweat pouring out of him. He runs back out of the truck and towards the gates.

"Shit." The man in the truck with you says as he goes to grab his gun on his hip, only to find nothing. You point his gun at his head and try to slowly slip out of the passenger door. Suddenly he lurches towards you and you can't help but pull the trigger, causing his brain to splatter against the window behind him. Your vision blurs a bit and you take a shaky deep breath in, before hopping out of the truck, and making your way in the gates.

Inside, everyone is shooting at each other, running around frantically, and in the process, destroying Alexandria. You take a few shots at some Saviours before ducking behind a pickup truck. Behind it, you're stood next to Daryl. He pauses a moment to nod his head at you, before turning away to take some more shots. You weren't really able to make out the faces of anyone else as you made your way through to the back of town, taking shot after shot in the process. You hide behind a corner, Carl's house in view, but when you turn around to head over, you're met with a gun to your own head; someone you didn't recognize, but was wearing all black. You reluctantly throw your gun on the ground and put your hands up, and as you look around you see everyone else around you doing the same.

Minutes go by as you wait for something to happen. Then suddenly bullets fly from the top of the wall behind you and your attackers fall dead to the ground. You look behind you to see members from the Hilltop, Maggie, Glenn, Enid, and Jesus, and many others, all jumping over the wall to save you. Your face turns into a huge smile when you see them all. They wave to you briefly, clearly wishing they could run up to you and hug you, but everyone jumped straight into action. You picked up your gun and started mowing down Saviours, head shotting them one by one. Slowly, you make your way back to the front of Alexandria, and by the gates, you see him.

Carl shoots his gun with precision, hitting just about every target he has. You watch as his arm tenses at the pulling of the trigger and his hair flies all in his face from under his hat. It feels like you watch him in slow motion, running around and fighting to protect his home. You're suddenly snapped out of your trance when you hear screaming coming from a building behind you. Up top on the balcony, you see Michonne fighting a blonde woman. You watch Michonne's unrecognizably beaten face as she's dangled over the edge. You take one look back at Carl, who's still too enthralled in the fight to see you, and you run towards Michonne. As you get closer you lift your rifle up, ready to take a shot. You struggle to find a clear path as the two tussle against the wall. But finally Michonne gets the upper hand, and as she now struggles to dangle the blonde lady over the edge, you take a shot, and watch as her body goes motionless, then falls all the way to the ground. Michonne looks at you, or at least tries to through her swollen beaten eyes and you watch her fall to her knees behind the wall.

Quickly, you make your way up the stairs, and find Michonne sitting against a wall, her face dripping with blood and swollen. Before you try to speak to her, you rush to the medicine cabinet, rummage around for medical supplies, and rush back to her side. She mumbles something to you that you can't quite make out. Your hands shakily pour the rubbing alcohol onto cotton balls and you dab it on her cuts. She doesn't even wince as she's so numb to pain.

After a few minutes of intensive medical care, Michonne looks a little less bloody, but still swollen and faint as ever. She takes a harsh gulp before opening her mouth to speak.

"We've all been...worried sick about you." she says, her voice sounding rough and gravelly. You exhale a chuckle.

"I'm sorry. I'm alright. I'm here now." you say before taking a deep breath. Michonne's hand creeps over and takes yours, signalling a 'thank you'. You squeeze back a 'you're welcome'.

After a few moments you hear the sound of tires spinning out of Alexandria, and the sound of shooting comes to a complete stop. Everything is really quiet and you step out onto the balcony. Below is the dead body of the woman you shot, lying in a large pool of blood. Before you can think about it too hard, you hear footsteps approaching, you go to grab your gun, but stop when you see who it is.

Rick kneels in front of Michonne, calling out to her and rubbing her hand with his thumb and she wheezes out in response. He looks up to see you standing in the doorway, and you slowly drop your arms to your sides. Rick's face lights up as he stares at you, but you hear more footsteps approaching.

"Michonne!" you hear Carl's voice call out, before emerging from the doorway. He looks down at his dad and Michonne before his gaze finally falls on you.

Carl's POV

(y/n)'s hair shines in the daylight as she stands in front of the balcony. My body feels like jello as I run up to her, grabbing her in my arms, and twirling her around. Tears immediately fall into the crook of her neck where my head rests. Through our sobs I choke out a small

"I love you so much." and she squeaks back a small,
"I love you too Carl."

Pathetically in love, we stand in each other's embrace, crying without end, for what feels like an hour. Once we slowly pull away and I take her face in my hands. My thumbs wipe away her tears as I stare into her beautiful teary eyes. Her wet, pink face beams an uncontrollable smile, and I mirror one back, unable to contain the happiness I feel in the moment.

"I'm so glad you're alive." I say as I finally take a break from sobbing.

"Me too." she giggles which sends a shockwave through my body. My hands fall from her face as I hear shuffling behind me and i turn around.

"I'm gonna get Michonne to the infirmary, see if we can make the swelling go down. I'll see you guys outside in a few minutes." Dad says, picking Michonne up and carrying her away. I turn back to (y/n) and move a hand back to her face. As I look at her I feel hunger deep in the pit of my stomach. It feels like my body is eating away at itself, wanting to be even closer to her. I slowly and gently push her against the nearest wall and hover my face over hers. She wraps her arms behind my neck, and our lips slowly collide. We move together in sync, unable to get enough of each other. I felt fully connected to her for the first time in forever, and it felt like I was finally whole again.

My dad stands before everyone, Maggie and Ezekiel on each side of him, and he gives everyone a speech. All 4 communities stood in front of him, clearly feeling a lot more confident after a victory. I grab tightly onto (y/n)'s hand and stroke her thumb with mine as we listen. We look at each other, locking eyes, and feeling a lot more optimistic for the future.

Chapter Text

Flashback, 9 year old you POV

The sound of glass shattering against the walls makes you jump as you finish your math homework. Your body is instantly sent into fight or flight mode, your heart rate increasing and your palms getting sweaty. Downstairs you hear yelling from your parents as they begin another fight. You slowly creep down the hall and stop at the top of the stairs, trying to stay hidden. Your dad's speech slurs and his yells shake the house, along with the banging of his fists on the kitchen counter. The words they exchange are a blur to you, but you can tell it's another serious fight. Slowly again you creep, your curiosity and fear getting the best of you. You hide under the dining room table, getting a clear view of your parents in the kitchen. 

"I d-do much for youuu and (y/n)."

"You're drinking our fucking money away! (y/n) needs a sober father!"

Your parents continue to bicker as you watch in morbid curiosity. Then your dad raises his hand, striking your mother across the face and she falls to the ground, sobbing. You stay perfectly still, stuck in place. Your face grows hotter and your heart beats out of your chest. You'd witnessed him do this before, but it wasn't any easier the second time. Without another word, your father grabs his coat and keys and storms out, slamming the door behind him, causing you to jump and bump your head on the underside of the table. Your mother looks to you when she hears, and her face twists with pain as she realizes you were there the whole time. You stare into her eyes as tears pour out, wishing there was something you could've done. 

end TW

Slowly you crawl out towards her and as you approach, she opens her arms. She pulls you in and you both sit on the cold kitchen tile, shaking and crying in each other's embrace. After a few moments, she lets go, raising herself up before helping you off the ground.

"Go pack an overnight bag hun." You look at her with confusion. Her face, still red and puffy, shoots you a smirk. She pulls her phone out of her purse and begins a call.

"Hey Lori, it's me. Is Carl up for a sleepover tonight?" Your eyes light up and you quickly shoot to your room and begin stuffing a bag. You pack a few clothes, but mostly toys and comics. You hobble downstairs with your comically large duffle bag and you see your mom hunched over the counter with her head in her hands. You hear her mutter a few words out in a shaky breath, but she sense your presence and turns around to look at you.

"You made sure to pack enough clothes, right?" she says to you with a raised eyebrow.

"Yeah, duh." you fib, a smirk growing on your face. She playfully shakes her head. 

"Before you go, can we talk? Just really quick?" she says with a concerned face. You hated when you saw her brows furrow and her lips purse like that, you knew you were in for an uncomfortable conversation. But regardless you set down your duffle bag and stand next to her against the kitchen island.

"You know your father isn't a bad guy, right?" You shrug in response and your mom sighs. "He's just...sick. And no matter what he does or says, he still loves us deep down." Her face looks tired as she tries explaining, but you aren't really buying it.

"If he really loves you, then why does he hit you?" 

"He's only done it twice!" your mom bursts out at you, instantly regretting it. You look up at her in contempt. "I'm sorry." she says before pulling you into a hug. As you watch her sad tired face pull you closer, your face softens. Seeing this makes you realize that your mom is her own person dealing with her own stuff and you start to feel really bad for her. You press your small frame into her as she hugs you, feeling comfort from your touch. 

As you begin to pull away you hear a light honk outside. You flash a smile at your mom and her face warms up a bit. The evening sunset casts a bright orange light on everything as you run outside, duffle bag in hand. Lori approaches you, enveloping you in a tight hug. 

"Heyyy there, how's my birdie doing?" She giggles and your face warms up at her nickname for you. You think back to Carl's 6th birthday party and you were playing outside. After finding and catching a bird, you thought it was a great idea to bring it into the house to show everyone. It caused complete chaos as it flew around, hitting people in the head and knocking over drinks. Ever since then Lori called you birdie, and it made you feel whole every time she said it.

"I'm good. Excited to sleepover!" you say, almost visibly bouncing with joy. Lori looks up at your mom emerging from the door and gives her an empathetic look before heading over to her. Just then you're nearly tackled to the ground as Carl gives you a bear hug. You notice he's started to grow a bit taller than you and you mentally frown, wishing you would always tower over him. 

"(Y/N)!" he shouts into the side of your neck before pulling away. 

"Carl! Are you ready for a sleepover?" you ask and notice him eyeing your bag that you'd unknowingly dropped on the ground. 

"I'm pumped. What's in the bag?" 

"Our usual sleepover essentials of course."

"Did you pack your Rubik's cube?" 

"Duh. Are we gonna race again tonight?"

"Of course, and I'm gonna beat you every time!" He does a fake evil laugh as you roll your eyes.

You feel your mom's hand on your shoulder and you turn around. She pulls you into a wary hug and kisses the top of your head. 

"Have fun honey." she says with her hand slipping off your shoulder. You give her a nod and pick up your bag, only to have it quickly ripped away by Carl. 

"Allow me." he says as he struggles to lift the bag into the back. Lori looks at him with a proud smile, clearly having just started teaching him to be a gentleman. 

The three of you hop in the car and you wave goodbye to your mom as you drive off. 

"Are you guys excited?" Lori asks from the front seat. You and Carl both exclaim your excitement back.

"Well good, because in the morning I'm making my famous pancakes!" You and Carl share a face of disgust before giggling uncontrollably. Thinking about the taste almost makes you want to wretch.

The rest of the car ride goes quick as you and Carl chatter on about anything and everything. Lori chuckles to herself, enjoying the banter she hears from behind her. 

When you enter the Grimes' home, Rick is strapping on his holster and his eyes meet Lori's. You sense some tension immediately.

"You leaving?" she asks bitterly.

"Yeah. Got a call about some guy. They caught him drunk driving and I gotta take him in for interrogation." Lori's face hardens and she looks over at you. Your face twists, knowing it's probably your dad, but you try to push away the feeling. Suddenly you feel Carl's hand grab yours.

"We're gonna go play." Carls says to his parents and he swiftly leads you up to his room.

You two sit on the floor of Carl's bedroom, each flipping through comic books. You try to immerse yourself in the story, but you can't get the vision of what happened earlier out of your mind. Carl looks up at you, seeing the distress on your face. He closes his comic book, earning your attention. After a moment, he breaks the silence. 

"Were your parents fighting again?"

"Yeah..." you sigh.

"Was it bad? Like were they screaming and slamming things?"

"Worse..." Carl's eyes droop as he watches your eyes begin to tear up. He scootches his body over to yours and places an arm around your shoulder. You lean into him, appreciating the warm light touch. 

"I'm here for you. Always." he says softly. He knows you know that already, but he repeats it any time you're feeling sad. 

"Thanks Carl." you say. He rubs his thumb on your shoulder as you continue to lean into him.

Back to present, a few days after the battle

Carl's hand interlocks with yours as you two explore the woods.

"I think he was around here yesterday. I saw some fresh empty cans by that shed we just passed." he says with a bag of food and water in his other hand. You smile at him, his cheeks red from the heat and his hair bouncing in the breeze. But your gaze is ripped away when you hear a walker up ahead and the two of you stop in your tracks. Your hands unlock from each other's and you instantly grab your knife. As you stand back, you watch as a guy, looking haggard and starving, stab the walker from behind. He jumps when he spots you, and Carl instantly holds his hands up, and you follow suit.

"Hey! It's ok! We aren't gonna-" Before Carl can finish his sentence, the man runs away. Carl starts to go after him, but you grab onto his arm, holding him back.

"Carl, it's been days. We can't help him, he's too scared." Carl huffs in frustration. 

"My mom told me you have to do what's right. Sometimes it's easy but, sometime's it's not." He gives you a stern, stubborn look. You sigh and continue forward, heading the same direction as the man. 

The walk remains a bit quiet, until you see a few walkers crowded around a deer carcass. You quickly hide behind a tree, scoping out a way to avoid them, but Carl grabs your hand, looking you in the eyes. 

"When my dad and I ran into him, he said something that his mom told him. She believed killing the walkers freed their souls, and that we should help them. You look at Carl, confused at first, but he grabs his knife, heading towards the walkers. As a branch cracks under Carl's boot, all the walkers are alerted. You grab your knife as well, huffing in frustration, and head over to help him. You drive your knife into a skull, the rotted blood splashing onto your shirt. Then you react quickly when you feel a hand on your shoulder, hot breath gurgling into your ear. You turn and slash the walker in the head, watching it fall to the ground. Just then you hear Carl yelp, and you turn around to see him sat in the carcass of the deer, 3 walkers pinning him down. You start to rush over, only to be tackled by another walker that came out of seemingly nowhere. Your knife had flown out of your hand and you struggle to grasp it, strained groans escaping you as you fight. If you take your hands off the walker for even a second to reach your gun, you're a goner, so you resort to your only other available weapon. You dig your hands straight into the sunken empty eye sockets of the walker. You hear the squelching of its brain as you struggle to hit just the right nerve to deactivate it. Finally, with one final squish, the walkers falls limp onto you. Your torso now successfully drenched and your face spattered with blood, you quickly throw the walker off of you and turn to help Carl, only to find Morgan ripping his stick out of the final walkers head. He offers Carl a hand, helping him to his feet, and they both look over at you. 

"Morgan..." you say breathlessly. He gives you a kind smile as he wipes the blood off his stick. 

"Sorry (y/n), but Carl looked like he needed a bit more help than you." he chuckles. Carl gives Morgan a nod of thanks before rushing over to you, hugging you close to him, his shirt also drenched in blood. When he pulls away you notice him grabbing the side of his stomach in pain. 

"What are you doing out here?" Carl asks him, still a bit out of breath.

"Looking for Henry. He ran away looking for the Saviour that killed his brother." You recall meeting Henry a couple times. Very reminiscent of a young Carl. Bold, stubborn, and doesn't know how to stay put. 

After a while you Morgan bid your goodbyes and he heads off. You want to go home and get changed, but Carl insists you keep searching for the man a little while longer. As you continue walking Carl grabs at his side again, his face twisting in pain.

"You ok? What happened to your side?" you stop in your tracks. He gives you a look, before reluctantly lifting up his shirt. Underneath is a bloody wound, similar to a stab wound. You gasp and quickly move to take a closer look at it. 

"I'm ok just, one of the ribs from the deer stabbed me. Probably just need some stitches and some rest." his eyes already appear to grow a bit foggy, as he continues to lose blood. Quickly, you grab your knife and cut off a long, thick piece from your flannel, wrapping it around Carl's torso. 

"We should get back to Alexandria, quick." you sigh, grabbing Carl's hand, before he rips it away.

"I can keep going, just a little bit longer." he pleads. 

"Carl come on! I'm not arguing I'm telling you. We're going to Alexandria. Now." He gives you a look of contempt. He crosses his arms like a distraught little kid. 

"We need to help him." he says plainly.

"I know Carl. I agree I wanna help him too, you know that. But Morgan says all life is precious, and that includes yours. We can come back tomorrow, but you're gonna pass out or die if we're out here any longer, ok?" Carl sighs, his expression softening as he hears the pleading in your voice. He takes a moment before nodding, grabbing your hand, and heading home to Alexandria.

The afternoon sun is high in the sky when you make it back to the gates of Alexandria. The sun beats down as you help a woozy Carl limp into the town and to the infirmary. You're lucky it isn't anything too serious, because you currently didn't have an official doctor in town anymore. Tara was the one in charge there, since she learned a few things from Denise. You quickly clean Carl up, stitch the wound, and hook him up to an IV. Tara also makes him take the last of the antibiotics she has and you watch him slowly fall asleep in the hospital bed. He looks so calm and peaceful lying there, almost causing you to fall asleep there too. Just then you hear the door open and shut and Michonne walks over to Carl. Her hand rests on his and she exhales an exasperated sigh. 

"I'm sorry. I was gonna come get you but he just seemed so tired I-"

"It's ok (y/n). I'm just glad you got him back in time." she gives you a thankful smile.  "What were you guys doing out there anyway?" 

"You know that guy that Carl and Rick ran into a few days ago?", it takes her a second to remember before she nods,"Well, you know Carl. He really wants to help him. So the past few days we've been out looking for him. While we were out today though, he got pinned down by some walkers and they pushed him onto a deer carcass. One of the ribs went straight into him." Michonne nods as she listens. She chuckles to herself, thinking about Carl unrelenting wish to help people. 

"All of this going on, and he just wants to help a stranger." she smiles, shaking her head as you chuckle too. "We'll be leaving in a few hours. I'll let him rest but, I wanna say goodbye before we leave. OH, and, you should probably change his bandage in a few hours." You nod at Michonne and she heads back outside. When you think about changing his bandage you realize you've never actually seen what's underneath. At least, not since he got shot. Your eyes study his gentle face as he sleeps, easing your mind and almost making you forget about your worries.

Hours go by as you watch the sun's rays scroll from one side of the room to the other, before eventually setting, leaving you two only lit up by a dim lamp in the corner. You notice the time and remember the bandage. You rifle around the bandage cabinet, struggling to find enough gauze for his eye, but managing to get just enough. You slowly pinch the edges of the old gauze and slide it up off of his head. When you take the cotton pad off, you finally see his scarred, exposed eye socket underneath. Your heart catches in your throat at first, thinking about the pain he must've gone through to achieve that scar. But it doesn't scare you. You lightly run your fingers over it, admiring it in a way. Then suddenly, Carl's eye flickers open and looks at you as he lets out a sleepy groan. You jump a bit, before smiling down at him. 

"Good morning princess." you giggle and run your fingers through his hair. He smiles and groans slightly in pain as he sits up. His smile immediately falls though when he sees his old bandage lying on the side table next to you. He frantically places his hand over his scar, trying to hide it from you. 

"Shit I-I-I'm sorry (y/n) I didn't want you to see that I-it's hideous I know I'm sorry." he sputters out a few words through a shaky voice. You quickly put one hand on his back and use your other hand to pull his hand away from his face. 

"Carl what are you talking about? It's not hideous it's fine. It's just a scar." a tear runs down his cheek as he looks up at you like a sad puppy. 

"Don't lie. I know it's disgusting." You're taken aback by his self depreciation. You crawl into bed next to him and hold his head in your hands, using your thumb to wipe away his tears.

"Why do you think it's disgusting?"

"Just look at it. I'm mangled. It's hard to even look at." he says as he tries pulling away from you. You push his face towards yours, forcing him to look at you. 

"It's not hard to look at. I think you're just as handsome as you've always been, ok?" you try to reassure him. You can tell he's apprehensive, but he nods his head, giving into your words. If he didn't trust you so much, he probably wouldn't have given in so quickly. You inch your face closer, bumping your nose into his, and finally your lips make contact. At first Carl still feels tense, upset at you seeing his eye, but he quickly melts into your touch, unable to stop himself from giving in. As you two kiss you cuddle closer and closer together. His hands explore your body, from the sides of your face down to your hips, and to your lower back. He pulls you closer as your lips dance in rhythm. You feel Carl's tongue slide past your lips, begging for an entrance, but your kiss is interrupted by the sound of Negan's voice. You quickly shoot up and head to the window to see what's going on. 

Chapter Text

A few nights later

You sit around a campfire in the middle of Hilltop with a few others eating some dinner and chatting. You teeter anxiously on the edge of a log as you await the return of Rick and Carl. Carl had joined his dad on a hunt for the missing Saviours, the ones that Henry had let out a day prior. Suddenly, Glenn plops himself down next to you, and holds out his hand, which is full of fresh strawberries.

"Want some?" he asks, and you smile as you take a couple to munch on. Still, you bounce your leg uncontrollably as you sit, unable to stop your mind from racing with horrible scenarios. Glenn notices and puts a hand on your shoulder.

"Hey, don't worry. They'll be back soon I'm sure." you sigh, trying to take his advice, but still feeling a frog in your throat. Glenn thinks for a moment, and then looks at you, a huge smile plastered on his face.

"Hey, did I ever tell you about the time I sent a customer to the hospital while I was delivering pizzas?" You let out a short chuckle and smile at him.

"No, but PLEASE continue." The others around the campfire overhear this and also lean in to listen.

"So I had this friend named Mavis. And her boyfriend cheated on her with this 18 year old, we were all in our 20s by the way. And so being the great friend that I am, I decided to get our other friends together and deliver a pizza to his house. But this pizza we made, let me think, it had mustard, jellybeans, some old frozen chili, dog food, peeps, and some fucking like- napkins that we shredded up and threw on there. 'But Glenn,' you may ask 'Why would he eat a pizza that looks like that? What's the point?' Well of course we hid the toppings under the cheese and burnt the living shit out of it. It was completely unrecognizable, although it did kinda smell like shit. But anyways one of my friends that he never really met went up to the door and said that we ended up having an extra pizza and was offering it for free. So of course this guy took it, and we were all giggling in the car. But then the next morning I get a call from my boss cussing me out and telling me that pizza I delivered last night sent this guy to the hospital because he was uncontrollably vomiting. But the worst part is, it ended up not even being Mavis' ex. It was just some random innocent dude." As Glenn finishes, everyone takes a few deep breaths, their sides still hurting from laughter. 

"Did the guy press charges?" Michonne chimes in, a grin plastered on her face.

"Well actually the guy ended up going to prison. When the ambulance showed up to his house they found human remains hidden under his bed. The guy was a cannibal. So really, I might've saved a few lives." Everyone laughs at Glenn's story, amazed at how interesting his life was, despite being a pizza delivery driver.

Just then you hear the gates open and Carl and Rick walk through, both soaked in blood. You stand up immediately and you and Michonne each rush over to your respective man. Carl reaches out an arm, inviting you in for a hug. Despite the blood, you pull him in close and he gives you a kiss on the top of your head. You look back and see that there's not a single saviour that came back. Your heart drops at the grim reality setting in. They killed them all.

"I need to go shower." Carl says timidly and heads inside. Rick does the same, rushing himself inside before Michonne can get 2 words out of him. You and Michonne exchange looks.

You remain outside by the fire as everyone else heads to bed. You feel a warm familiar hand grace your shoulder and Carl sits down next to you. You look at him wearily and you can see the abject look in his eyes.

"I didn't want to. There was a hoard coming and we rallied the saviours. They were gonna help us take the walkers down, it was perfectly fine. And then my dad started killing them. Just started mowing them down and they fought back and-", he stops himself, sighing as he stares into the fire, "I'm sorry."

"Don't be. It wasn't your fault. It was self defence and, you couldn't have predicted your dad...doing that." You try your best to comfort him, but he looks so disgusted with himself, like he wants to crawl out of his own skin. All of a sudden tears start to flow down his cheeks, dripping onto his boots. 

"They were gonna help us (y/n). And we killed them." he sobs. You silently hold him as he cries into your chest, stroking his back with your hand. 

Later, once things calm down, you finally put the fire out. You head inside and crawl into bed with Carl, falling asleep in his arms.

The courtyard at Hilltop is bustling, everyone gearing up for the battle today. The crisp air chills your lungs as you realize it's almost fall. You feel a pair of arms wrap around your waist and Carl rests his head on your shoulder.

"This is it." he says, nuzzling his head into your neck. 

"This is it." you repeat back to him, more definitively. You two head over to Rick where he and a few others are crowded around a map.

"You think we should trust Gregory? What he told us?" Michonne says. Glenn and Maggie exchange looks before Maggie pipes up.

"We locked him up inside the house. He doesn't believe in anything except himself, and he'd have to believe in the Saviours a whole lot to send us into a trap and expect that to work out for him." 

"Unless Dwight didn't tell him. That asshole could be setting us up." Daryl grumbles across the barrel. 

"Dwight wouldn't set us up. I got to know him when I was at the Sanctuary. He hates Negan and the Saviours just as much as us. I'd trust him." you say to the group and they nod, trusting your input. Rick folds up the map and puts it in his pocket, and the group disburses, continuing to get ready for the fight.

"I'll be right back." Carl's hand slides off your shoulder and he heads off with Rick to talk privately.

"(Y/N)!" you turn around at Enid calling your name. "I wanted to say goodbye. I'm staying here and, in case...I don't know...something happens out there-"

"Nothing's gonna happen to me out there. I promise." you say and you pull her into a tight hug.

Carl's POV

"Look, what happened yesterday-" dad starts, but I cut him off.

"Stop. Whatever you say, it isn't going to make me forgive what you did."

"I-I just can't take chances anymore."

"It wasn't a chance dad. You talked to them, changed their minds, and they were willing to help. And then YOU turned your back on them. YOU murdered them in cold blood." Dad looks at the ground, unable to make eye contact with me. I turn to walk away, but his hand grasps my shoulder and turns me back around.

"I know it was wrong. And if I could go back I'd undo it, you know I would."

"I thought you were better than this. I mean, what would Herschel think of this, huh? What would mom think of this?" Dad looks away in shame. He huffs a long sigh.

"Today will be different. I'll be different." I look at my dad, his face worried and broken. I simply nod before walking away.

Your POV

"When you get back, we need to have a girl's day. Just the two of us. Like old times." Enid smiles at you.

"Ugh, I could really use a girl's day with you." you sigh. Carl walks up behind you and grabs your hand.

"Can I join in on the girl's day?" he chuckles.

"No." you and Enid say simultaneously deadpan, earning a chuckle from him, before he looks at you.

"You ready to go?" he asks, his blue eyes giving you a look of reluctancy. In the past, Carl would've begged and screamed for you to stay back and be safe with the others, but he's come to realize how strong and important you are to the team. You aren't just his girlfriend, you're apart of his group, and you SHOULD be there to help when they need it. You nod at him, waving goodbye to Enid, and then head out the gates. 

The group walks a long way up to the top of a hill. Down below to the east you all stop to stare at a large hoard of walkers. Thousands concentrated in one area. The sight sends a bit of a chill down your spine, but you all continue to march on. 

As you reach a clearing, you hear the signature saviour whistles coming from all directions. Immediately, everyone raises their guns and looks around confused, trying to determine where they're at. 

"Well damn Rick. Look at that. Pegged again, pegged so very hard." Negan's voice resonates beyond the hills that surround you. He continues talking to Rick, mentioning how he has Eugene, Gabriel, and Dwight up there with him. You look over at Carl, who's too in his head to even realize you're looking. You begin to tremble with fear, Negan's voice feeling like it's vibrating through your bones. 

"5...4...3...2...", At the top of the hills you see hundred of Saviours, completely surrounding you, emerge with their guns drawn and ready to shoot. No one has time to react as Negan finishes his countdown,"1...!" he says. Everyone braces for impact, as they hear explosions coming from the Saviour's guns. But surprisingly, no bullets fly. You look to see as all the guns explode in the Saviour's hands, causing them to scream out in pain, and even killing some of them. The group takes a pause, waiting for Rick's command.

"NOW!" he screams and everyone springs into action. You run up the hill, but the gun in your hands feels heavy and useless. You want this to stop but, you don't want to fight. You think about the Saviour you killed in the truck a few weeks ago. How terrible that felt to take a life. 

"(Y/N)!" you hear someone shout your name, snapping you back into reality. The saviour charging right for you gets shot in the head and you look over to see Maggie with her gun raised. She gives you a look to ask if you're good and you nod. Then you feel Carl's hand on your back, which makes you jump.

"Hey, are you ok?" 

"Yeah I'm fine. Let's go." you say wearily and head off farther up the hill. 

You head off in a small group with Michonne and Maggie. When you reach a certain point there's a huge group of saviours, all standing with their hands up and their weapons dropped.

"Don't shoot! Please. We're done. It's over." the woman who served your food pleads to the group as she gets on her knees, and the others behind her follow suit. You all look at each other, a bit confused. 

"How are we supposed to trust you?" you yell up at them. 

"We don't want to fight anymore. We just want to live. We see now that, we're all on the same team. The living team. We just want peace." another saviour speaks from the crowd. 

"We can't trust them." Maggie says beside you and you give her a look of disgust.

"Maggie, you know they can change. There's a reason you didn't instantly kill the Saviours at Hilltop." Glenn places a hand on her shoulder, trying to reason with her.

"They deserve to live after all this as much as we do." you say to her. She reluctantly nods.

"Leave your weapons on the ground and your hands up. Come with us." Michonne orders and the saviours obey. You release your breath that you had been holding. You were afraid you'd have to kill all those people, just like Carl had to do last night with Rick. The group makes their way down the hill to find Negan and Rick arguing under a tree. Carl meets up with you, a small group of saviours following him as well. He watches in horror as near a tree at the bottom of the hill, his dad and Negan circle around each other like tigers in a cage. You take his hand, trying to ease his nerves. Everyone collectively and silently agrees to let them battle it out on their own. Suddenly you see Rick slash open Negan's throat with a shard of glass, causing a few people to gasp in shock.

"DAD!" Carl screams, jolting forward as if he wants to go help him. Slowly Negan falls to the ground, unconscious. You feel pricks of tears in your eyes, crying as you watch Negan bleed out. For some reason, despite all the horror and pain he's created, you felt sad watching him lie there. You look to see Carl tearing up too, his face growing red. Rick turns around and sees the crowd, saviours surrendering and his own people watching in horror as he murders a man. You notice him and Carl make eye contact. Just then he starts walking up the hill towards everyone.

"Save him." he says as he throws his hands up, his face ragged and beaten. Siddiq acts quickly, running down and bandaging Negan's throat up. Rosita screams at Rick as Maggie and Michonne hold her back, distraught that she'll never get her revenge on the man that killed Abraham. Everyone else just looks shocked, unable to believe Rick Grimes actually asked to save Negan's life. Your heart rate begins to decrease. For the first time since you met the saviours, you felt safe again. Still holding Carl's hand, you felt optimistic for the future. 

Rick and Michonne walk out of Negan's room in the infirmary, looking like they feel pretty bad ass after sentencing him to life in prison.

"Is he stable?" Carl asks his dad, as we join them to walk out of the infirmary. 

"He'll be just fine. In a few days we'll lock him up in the cell." As Rick says this your heart lurches. You think about Morgan and how proud he would be to see Negan alive and to see his cell being put to good use. 

"So uh, what do we do now?" you ask Rick and Michonne curiously. Michonne smiles at Rick before answering you.

"We live." she says and you feel like you can finally relax. Carl wraps his arm around you, and you walk next to him attached at the hip, ready to start a new chapter.

Chapter Text

2 years later (time that season 9 begins)

The grandfather clock ticks as you feel yourself slowly wake up from your slumber. The room is still completely enveloped in darkness, and you let out a quiet huff, realizing you've woken up in the middle of the night. You try to slow your thoughts, hoping to fall right back to sleep. You reach over for your boyfriend, but you only feel an empty bed. Quickly you shoot up, looking around and finding yourself alone. At first your sleepy brain imagines terrible scenarios: he's left you, he's been kidnapped, he's dead. But as you fade into reality, your thoughts regulate and you calm down. This wasn't the first time lately that you'd woken up to an empty bed. As tensions had risen between the communities, Carl was one of the leaders dealing with it, which caused him numerous panic attacks and sleepless nights. 

You swing your legs around and place your feet on the floor. You quickly slip on a sweatshirt, some pyjama pants and some sneakers, before you head downstairs. Your hand slides down the banister as you trot down the steps. You peer into the living room and see visions of a few years ago, stepping down the stairs and finding Carl sitting on the couch speaking to Deanna. You both had moved into her old house, wanting your own space as your relationship with Carl developed. You gaze at that same couch from before as you head outside. 

You walk down the streets, glancing around town and enjoying the peaceful scenery of your sleepy community. Then at the end of the street you come across Carl, his back turned to you. He stares up at the corrugated metal wall with names of lost loved ones written on it. As you slowly approach from behind you read: Aiden, Deanna, Abraham, Sasha, Spencer, Morgan... You place a hand on Carl's shoulder causing him to jump a bit, but he quickly relaxes. 

"You ok?" you ask in a gentle tired voice. He takes a deep breath and uses one hand to fiddle with the bottom hem of his t-shirt.

"Couldn't sleep. Just needed to clear my head." You nod, and feel him snake his arms around your body. You lean into him as he holds you. You hear his heart pounding in his chest with anxiety.

"I wish they were still here." he says quietly, his voice trembling slightly. "They could help with all this." You sigh, feeling the same way. You think back on all the old friends you'd lost, and what they would do if they were still here. You'd observed first hand just how much pressure Carl was under as he helped to ease tensions between the communities, and it broke your heart. The two of you hold each other for a little while longer, enjoying the light breeze blowing through the nighttime air. After a while you feel yourself falling asleep standing up. Carl catches you, and he gives you a soft chuckle. 

"How about we head back to bed?" he suggests. You nod and the two of you head back across town. 

Carl's body slides next to you in bed, his chest now bare as he preferred to sleep that way. You recall he had said feeling you on his bare chest made him sleep easier at night. He lays on his back and you lay on your side, your arm strapped across him and your head in the crook of his neck. He sighs a long, tired sigh. His hand makes its way to your hair and he begins running his fingers through it. As he strokes your hair, you feel your eyes grow heavy and you begin falling asleep very quickly. 

"Good night my love." he speaks down to you in a soft voice. You would've been too tired to respond, but his neck vibrations wake you up enough. 

"Mmmnight." you slur out, before drifting off to a deep sleep.

You feel Carl's arm slip out from under your head. You look up, rub your eyes, and see him standing by the edge of the bed. He stares at you intently, worried that he may have woken you up. You giggle a bit before sitting up. He huffs in frustration as you yawn and rub your eyes once more, your mind defogging. 

"Sorry baby. I was trying to let you sleep in." he says, dejected. 

"It's alright. I've got stuff to do today anyways."

"Hm. Like what?" Carl asks as he takes a pair of jeans from atop his dresser and slides them on over his boxers.

"Well Michonne asked me to come over for something this morning, she didn't say what though."

"Very top secret I imagine." Carl jokes, and you can't help but feel a smile tug at the sides of your lips. As you continue to chat, you watch him get dressed. The muscles in his back flex as he stretches and then grabs a button up shirt out of his drawer. You can't help but stare at your handsome boyfriend. You remember just a few years ago when he was still a bit scrawny, only some small muscles starting to form. But he was starting to look like a full grown man now, which made your heart absolutely throb. He turns around, buttoning the last few buttons, and smirks when he looks up to find you staring. You exchange a warm smile, and he slides himself back in bed next to you. He rests an arm on your shoulders and pulls you close, planting a kiss on your head. You look up at him. His hair flowing down to your face, covering his bandaged eye, and you move your hand to brush it aside. You rest your hand on his cheek, both of you admiring each other's features. He leans down to you, his lips gently crashing into yours, as you two begin to move in sync. He moves one hand to your face and cups it gingerly, while the other makes its way across your body and onto your waist. The kiss deepens as you feel his hand press into your side, motioning you to move closer. Without breaking the kiss, you swing your leg around, straddle him, and sit snugly in his lap. You feel his tongue lick your lips, and you let him enter. Your tongues dance around each other, earning a light grunt from Carl. His hands run themselves up and down your sides slowly and you feel your skin prick up into goosebumps under his warmth. He pulls away, panting, giving you a look. You two hadn't been fully "intimate" yet, no particular reason other than waiting for the right moment. So the look Carl gives you is asking permission, wondering if you're ready. You give him a smile, and he returns the same. Immediately, he buries his face in your neck, beginning to leave little nibbles and pecks all around it. You almost let out a whimper, until you hear a knock on your door. 

"CARLLLL (Y/NNNNNN)! TIME TO GET UP!!!!" you hear Judith's voice shriek at you from behind your bedroom door, followed by a giggle from her and Michonne. You and Carl make eye contact.

"Better luck next time?" he whispers to you before planting a kiss on your nose. You giggle and nod before climbing off of him. 

"GUYYSSSS WAKE uUuUuPpPp!!" her small voice shouts again, causing you to giggle. 

"Be down as soon as I get dressed Judith...and Michonne!" you shout back. She giggles once more before you hear her and Michonne's footsteps travel downstairs. You slip on a casual outfit, just a comfy top and some jeans, and then you and Carl make your way down. Michonne and Judith wait patiently in your living room, greeting you two as you approach. Judith pops up from her seat and runs to give you a hug first, before making her way to Carl for a way less enthusiastic hug. He rolls his eyes, fake offended at the obvious favouritism, causing you to giggle. 

"Sorry, did we sleep too late?" you ask Michonne. 

"No, sorry. I'm just a bit, eager to start chatting with you about...something." Carl gives you a confused look, and you return the same. She simply purses her lips, refusing to speak a word. 

"Well, uh, I've gotta meet dad at the gate. We're taking a trip to Oceanside tomorrow so today's a stock-up day." You and Michonne nod at him. Carl approaches you, wraps his arms around you and places a quick kiss on your lips. He smiles at you as he walks away, grabbing his holster by the door, and heads outside. You then lock eyes with Michonne. You watch as her face goes from serious, to a wide smile, and the two of you burst into a fit of giggles.

"You didn't say anything did you?" she asks, her face beaming. 

"He doesn't suspect a THING." you giggle back, unable to control your excitement. Suddenly you feel Judith's small hands tug at your arm, and she looks at you with a disappointed face. 

"Why are you guys giggling? I don't get it." You smirk at her and pick her up, groaning in surprise at how much she's grown since last time.

"Tomorrow is your brother's birthday Judith. We're throwing him a surprise party." Her face instantly lights up at the word "birthday", and even more at the word party. 

"Right, so, Carl thinks he and dad are going to Oceanside tomorrow. But he's actually going to stall him for a while, giving us a chance to set everything up at our house, where your dad will eventually lead Carl." Michonne explains to Judith. You then set her down, groaning in the process, unable to hold her for much longer. 

"The balloons and streamers are at your house right?" you ask. 

"Yep! Tomorrow we just need you to come over, bake the cake, and help us blow up some balloons." 

"CAKE?!" Judith screeches, causing you both to jump. You can tell by the look on her face that she isn't one to keep something like this a secret. Michonne kneels down to be face to face with Judith.

"Judith, sweetie. We need you to PROMISE not to tell Carl ANYTHING about his party ok?" Judith studies Michonne's face for a moment.

"But...how will he know to come if he doesn't know?" You interject before Michonne can answer.

"He'll smell the cake, and it'll lead him right to us. But, if you tell him before he shows up, we won't have time to bake the cake, and then there wouldn't be a party." Judith looks at you mortified. Michonne nods back at Judith.

"So your lips are sealed, right?" Judith simply nods, taking the sealed lips to heart. Michonne stands up and gives you a look, thankful that you were able to cover for her. 

The rest of the day consisted of you and Michonne wrapping presents and chatting about how excited you were for the party. 

"Rick said Carl's last birthday was his 12th. And they haven't celebrated since." You sigh, and think back to that party. They had it at a local roller rink, and the theme was dinosaurs, Carl's obsession of the month. The small roller rink served terrible cardboard flavoured pizza and the place reeked of stale sweat and asbestos. But regardless, you and Carl had a great time with all your other friends, skating around and laughing all day. It hurts you to think back, your past self not knowing what was about to happen the following year. 

"This is gonna sound stupid considering we're the same age but, how old is he turning now?"

"20." Your heart dropped at the number. Had this really been going on for so long? You almost feel as if the apocalypse just started. How is it that you're almost 20 now? Michonne notices your distress and places a hand on your shoulder. 

"Hey, you alright?"

"I'm ok. I just didn't realize...it's been so long." She nods in understanding, keeping her hand on your shoulder for reassurance. Eventually you two continue chatting, and right around dinner time is when you finish all the preparations. 

"Thanks for all your help (y/n). Everyone from the other communities should arrive around 3am, but I'll see you around 8. Sound good?" 

"Yeah sounds good. No problem Michonne! I'll see you then." you say, releasing a long exhale as you shut the door behind you. You make your way down the streets to your house, just one among the row of townhouses. You approach the steps, but you hear a chuckle from down below, stopping you in your tracks. You look down and see Negan, his sad tired eyes peaking between the bars. You hadn't spoken to him since the day they locked him up, but you had seen him. You'd seen him a lot actually, considering he lives right below you. 

"Big birthday party tomorrow?" he pipes up to you. You lift your foot up to the next stair, determined to ignore him like you always do. But as you stare into his eyes, you feel a sense of remorse. You turn around and plop yourself onto the step, just close enough for conversation.

"Carl turns 20 tomorrow." you say, uttering your first words to the man in years. 

"Phew. He's all grown up now." Negan coos, and you sense the excitement to talk to you in his voice. 

"How did you know?" Negan chuckles at you, which turns into a choking cough, before he eases himself back to normal.

"You people walk around, having conversations, talking about this and that. And it's like you forget I'm here. I'm listening. I'm always listening." He pauses for a moment, but you don't respond. Now that you thought about it, you really did forget about him. Not about everything he did, but the fact he was still there. "In fact, I've been hearing some interesting things about the Sanctuary. You guys tryna fix it up make it a nice place just like all the rest of your little towns. Not working out so well though, is it? I can't believe you really thought you could integrate everyone like that." Negan trails on and on. You get tired of his yapping and stand up to head inside. But with your hand on the doorknob, you stop to listen to Negan's last remark.

"Hey! Tell the kid I said Happy Birthday, will ya?" You feel your chest grow heavy. Despite this man committing disgusting atrocities in the past, you can't push past your empathy. You knew Negan saw something in Carl, looked up to him almost in a strange way. And you considered for a split second that maybe you would decide to grant his wish. You sigh heavily before twisting the knob and heading inside. You immediately hear a clatter coming from the kitchen, followed by a curse out of Carl's mouth. You quickly head to the kitchen to check out what the hell was going on. In there, you see Carl, hunched over a steaming pot, leaning in to read the pages of a cook book. He jumps when he hears you chuckle, but his face lights up when he turns to see you. 

"Hey baby! How was your day with Michonne?" he asks as he turns back to tend to his pot. 

"Not bad. Pretty boring though. Just more stuff about her charter that she's writing." He hums in acknowledgment, and you see his face twist at the cook book in confusion. You decide to step in and help the poor boy finish cooking dinner, to which he releases a sigh of relief. 

Carl's POV

I slip off my shirt, tossing it aside with my pants. I stretch out my muscles, sore from all the heavy lifting with dad this morning. I turn to face the mirror leaned against the wall in the corner of our bedroom. My hands brush over my scrapes and scars, now stretched out and changed by my new physique. As I slip off my eye bandage, I examine my face. I notice how different I look now; my jaw chiseled, my stubble growing in, and my scar healing up, looking less fleshy and gory now. The number 20 bounces through my mind as I think about tomorrow. The existential dread hits me and I feel my heart pounding and my breath quickening. Aging is so scary. I won't be a teen anymore, soon I'll be old like dad. I'll look even more different, more wrinkles more scars. I grip onto my chest, but my mind races with thoughts of getting older, unable to go back. 

My body relaxes though when I feel (y/n). Her hand graces my back as she joins my side. I look over at her, her freshly cleaned face smiling up at me.

"Ready for bed?" she asks, and I can't help but blush at how she looks. I'll never get used to it. She'll always make me flustered and nervous, like I'm that 12 year old kid again, asking her to hold my hand as we skate around the roller rink at my birthday party. I smile at her and nod. We slide into to bed next to each other. Her warm body eases every thought and every muscle in my body. We chat a bit more, slowly becoming less and less coherent as we go, until I notice her stop responding. I smile to myself, my eyelids finally falling to a close. 

As I drift off, I can hear the cheesy disco music playing in the speakers, smell the processed cheese baking on the pizza, and feel the wind in my face as I skate around. I only make it a few feet before slipping and falling flat on my face. (y/n) skates up next to me and helps me wobble to my feet. I nervously ask her to hold my hand, helping me to skate around. Without a second thought, she intertwines her fingers in mine, and we skate, around and around. I hear our classmates tease us, singing k-i-s-s-i-n-g and making kissy faces at us. Then suddenly, we aren't 12 anymore. It's us now, skating there. Despite our aging, despite the passage of time, it's still us. It'll always be us. There's no need to be scared. 20 is a big age, but (y/n)'s here with me, so what do I really have to worry about?

Chapter Text

Carl's POV

"Feel any older?" dad asks as I approach his truck. 

"Yeah. I noticed a few grey hairs this morning." I joke. He rolls his eyes as he runs a hand through his head of greys.

"Very funny." he murmurs. I head to the passenger door, ready to hop in and start off, but dad grabs my shoulder. I turn around, confused, until he pulls me into a hug. I stand stagnant at first, not used to his affection, but slowly my arms reach up and I wrap them around his torso. It's been a while since he's given me a hug so long and loving, and I almost feel shrunken down to my child self again. I feel like a little 12 year old, scared and confused about what the world was, but knowing my dad would keep me safe. Just as I feel my eyes ache, beckoning the nostalgic tears, he pulls away, and I calm myself down. 

"We don't have to leave so quick...how about we go for a little walk, just around Alexandria?" dad asks me, his face red, probably from holding back his tears. I nod, thinking it'd be nice to have a talk with him, and so we set off.

Your POV

Just as you dip the spatula into the bowl of icing, a finger reaches down and takes some off the sides. You look over your shoulder to see Glenn offering Hershel a taste. The baby takes a small lick, causing his eyes to widen with excitement, and Glenn and Maggie giggle. 

"I hope Carl likes it as much as you." you hum to him, and continue to ice the cake. The Grimes' house is filled with friends/family, everyone reuniting and laughing and chatting with each other. It'd been a while since things were like this. Since everyone one was in one place. Glenn, Maggie, Daryl, Michonne, Carol, and even more, all piled inside. Enid sits across from you at the counter, Judith on her lap telling her imaginative stories, to which Enid simply nods and wows in fake-belief. 

"So, what'd you get Carl?" she asks you, causing you to freeze.

"Uhhmmm..." you nervously chuckle.

"You didn't get him anything, did you?" she smirks at you. It wasn't like it'd slipped your mind or anything, so much as, nothing felt right. 

"I couldn't think of ANYTHING. Everything feels so shallow, or cheesy, or just plain useless. PLUS I even asked what he'd want and he said 'You're more than enough of a present.'. Which is sweet, don't get me wrong, but like, I wanted a REAL answer." Enid giggles as you get slightly frazzled.

"Judith, what did you get your brother for his birthday?" Judith comically strokes her chin as she thinks.

"A rock." You and Enid fein your laughter.

"Anything special about the rock orrr...?" you ask."

"I found it outside." she replies proudly. You and Enid simply smile and nod, anticipating a great reaction from Carl later. A few moments later you finish icing the cake, proud of your clean lines. 

"Anyone wanna help me decorate?" you ask, and Judith perks right up. Her bruised knees crawl up onto the kitchen island, crossing over to the cake. You crushed up some various fruits to create a gel kind of texture so you can write some words on the cake. With the help of Judith, Enid, and a few others here and there, the cake was finally complete with a scrawled 'Happy Birthday Carl' on the top, accompanied by plenty of smudges and dents in the icing. Just then Michonne appears to your right, taking a polaroid picture of the collage-like cake.

"Looks great! Rick and Carl should be here soon, does anyone want some snacks? Fruits, crackers?" Michonne asks, and the group all agrees, flooding into the (thankfully large) kitchen. 

You take the cake to the dining room and set the cake on the table, making sure everything looks neat and perfect. You stand alone there, with muffled voice from around the corner, and finally feel your jaw unclench and your shoulders drop. You take a few deep breaths, trying to help yourself relax. You know Carl isn't one to pay attention to details, or to be too picky about certain things, but you still wanted everything to be perfect. You wanted to feel proud of yourself for doing something, when he'd done so much for you. Just then the floor creaks, making you jump a bit. You turn around to see Daryl standing there, holding a folded piece of paper, which you assumed was a homemade card. 

"Lil' Asskicker helped me make a card, figured I'd put it in here with everything else." he sheepishly makes his way to the pile of presents and places his card on the top. "You ok?" his gruff voice oddly tender. When you first met him, you thought he was harsh and mean, but ever since being shipped off to the Sanctuary, he's protected you, feeling a sort of obligation to protect you. 

"I'm guessing you've never planned a party before." you chuckle to him lightly.

"Nah...Looks pretty tough though." you nod. He makes his way slowly towards you, then hesitantly wraps his arms around you. You sink into the sweaty hug, enjoying the feeling of having someone to lean on. 

"Do you think he'll be mad I didn't get him anything?" you say, slightly muffled into his chest. 

"What do you mean you didn't get him anything? You spent years out in those woods, survivin' for him. Keeping yourself save and stayin' alive. That's all he's ever wanted." You look up to Daryl, who was already looking down at you.

"'Fore we came here, he talked about you non-stop. His best friend, some crazy lil girl named (y/n). Told me about everything you guys ever did." You feel your heart melt, thinking back on that cute little kid you used to run around with. How stupid and silly you guys were. 

"I hope I'm enough." you whisper up to him.

"You're more than enough." Daryl whispers back. He kisses the top of your head before letting you go. He ruffles your hair a bit, making you grumble and fix it, before you two head back out to everyone else.

Carl's POV

Dad wraps his arm around my shoulders and stops me right before his house. The walk around Alexandria was slow and monotonous. It was nice but it kind of ticked me off. I didn't want to waste too much time and get there too late. 

"I just realized, I left my gun in the kitchen. Mind going in and getting it for me?" I look at dad, confused.

"Oh, too old and decrepit to get your own gun now?" I chuckle to him. There was something off about his demeanour. He was smiling in amusement, and he never forgets his gun. 

"Nah. Just lazy." he chuckles. I shake my head and slowly march up the steps and open the door. It's oddly quiet inside, but as soon as I round the corner, my heart drops.

"SURPRISE!!!!" an ocean of yells fills my ears, causing me to grab my heart in shock. I look around and see all familiar faces, the most prominent one sticking out to me is my girlfriend, (y/n). Her face beams the most excited smile to me, and I can tell she's more than satisfied with herself at pulling this off. Dad rests a heavy hand on my shoulder as he enters behind me, chuckling to himself at my shock. I walk closer, accepting everyone's individual 'happy birthday's. 

"HAPPY BIRFDAY CARL!!" Judith shouts to me, running up to give my legs a tight hug. 

"Thanks Jude." I chuckle as I pick her up, but I quickly realize how heavy she is now. I set her down on a dining chair as I approach the cake sat on the table. As I look around at everyone's smiling faces, my heart bursts into flames, unable to comprehend all the love I have in my life. (y/n) lights the candles on the cake as I look down, barely able to read the messy words on it. But I smile to myself, figuring it was a collaborative effort.

"Guys...I don't know what to say-" I start to get sappy, but Glenn interrupts me.

"Don't say anything! Just blow out the candles!" I smile up at everyone.

"Wait wait, one second-" Michonne stops me. She holds up a camera and points it at the cake and I. "Smile!!" she says. I chuckle before bending down a bit to pose with my cake.

SNAP

She takes the photo and I watch as the film shoots out of the bottom. 

"Ok, you can blow now." she says as she waves the photo through the air. My heart races as I think of my birthday wish. I haven't had one since I was 12, but oddly enough, I think I might wish for the same thing.

"I wish someday I get to marry (y/n)." I think to myself before blowing out the candles in one brisk puff. Everyone cheers for me and some give me a pat on the shoulder. I look up at her across the counter from me. Her beautiful hair frames her face and the smile on her face just makes her look like she's glowing. There's just something in my body that craves her, that needs her there with me always. I make my way over to her and she meets me half way. She envelopes me in a hug and I instinctively pick her up, and twirl her around. 

"Thank you so much darling." I whisper into her neck. She simply hums in response, humble as usual as she never thinks she deserves the thank yous. She does however begin to litter my face with small kisses, nothing too frisky, but it still causes my body to heat up and my mind to wander...Eventually we break the hug, as I kind of remember everyone was still standing around us. Other than Judith, who was making a face of disgust, everyone is seemingly used to our PDA, simply ignoring us, and ready to dig into the cake...

The party continues all night long with music, games, food, and a ton of presents. My favourite one being Judith's of course.

"OPEN IT!" she shouts as I pick up a heavy lump wrapped in paper. I notice everyone looking at me funny, anticipating my reaction. I unwrap it to find a rock, clearly stolen from the garden outside. I give Judith a look, and she seems to proud of herself. My lips curl up into a smile and I burst out laughing. Everyone laughs along with me.

"Thank you so. much. Judith. This rock...it's the perfect gift!" I look at her and say. She beams a big smile at me before crashing into me, giving me a big hug. 

As night falls we all head outside, enjoying the nice cool nighttime air. From the porch I look around at everyone in the yard, chatting, drinking, laughing, it makes everything feel normal again. I feel like everything is going to be ok. All the fears in my head about growing old and losing my loved ones go away. Just then I feel a pair of arms wrap around me from behind, belonging to my wonderful partner. I hold her hands as they grip me, enjoying the feeling of her body pressed against me. Eventually, she slides around to be beside me, and I wrap my arm around her, needing her as close as possible. 

Your POV

"How does it feel to be 20, Carl?" you ask him. His face glows to you in the moonlight, smiling a satisfied smile.

"Not as scary as I thought, now that I remember everyone I have with me. If they made it, so can I." He looks back out into the yard. Judith plays with Hershel as he sits in Glenn's lap. Rick holds Michonne in his arms, looking the happiest I've ever seen them. Carol sits on a log, watching Daryl start a small campfire, and she claps as the pile of logs bursts into flames. Everything feels so perfect, it couldn't have gone better...except one thing that lingered in your mind.

"N-negan..." you start, unable to find the words. You questioned whether you really wanted to tell him or not.

"Negan?" he asks, giving you a concerned, confused face.

"Negan uh...wished you a happy birthday...I told him I'd tell you." you squeak sheepishly. 

"Oh yeah? Huh..." he simply says, distantly.

"I-I don't know why I told you I just-"

"No no, I get it. Thanks for telling me, uh...I kinda forgot about him..." 

"Yeah me too but uh...you know..." I trail off. Both of you are discomforted by talking about him. Thinking about what he put people through, what he did to ones you love...but you also think about how he's a human being. He's a real breathing human locked up in a cage...

You decide to shake the thoughts out of your head for now, as Rick motions for you and Carl to join everyone by the fire. You smile, trying to sway your mood, and the two of you step off the porch. 

Later in the night, everyone slowly leaves, going off to their temporary places to stay for the night. All that's left now is you and the Grimes'. You help them clean up, since their house became quite the mess with all the people, and eventually you come to a stopping point.

"I got the rest (y/n). You've already done so much." Michonne smiles at you.

"Are you sure? I don't mind-"

"Yes. Go get some rest, have some alone time with him." You smile at her. She slowly wraps you in a tight hug, and you feel the exchange of emotions pass between the two of you. Your cheeks heat up and your heart races, unable to comprehend how much you appreciated her. You slowly pull away to look at her. 

"Thank you, for everything."

"I'd do it all over again if I had to, (y/n). I'll see you later...Love you." Your heart stops for a moment as she says she loves you. It felt like a motherly I love you, something your body yearned for since...

"Love you too Michonne." you say as you exit. 

In the living room, you find Rick, Carl, and Judith having a very intense staring contest. Rick's eyes water as he falters and blinks. Carl and Judith are left and you watch as Judith's face exhibits total concentration, more than she's ever had in her life. Carl's eyes water relentlessly, and finally he shuts his eyes, scoffing as he rubs them.

"Dammit!" he whispers under his breath. Judith cheers and finally lets herself blink.

"You said a bad word!" she shouts.

"What are you gonna do, ground me?" he says, still rubbing his eyes in an attempt to rehydrate them. 

"No, but I will." you giggle to him. Carl looks up to you, smirking, his eyes slightly red and irritated. 

"Guess that means it's time to leave then?" he asks. You nod and the two of you head to the door. After a long series of "goodbyes" and "happy birthdays", you two finally walk home. The chilly nighttime air refreshes you as you take a deep breath in. You enjoy the nice quiet, as it's been an incredibly noisy day for you. Everything feels calm and steady, until you approach the steps of your house.

"How's it going birthday boy?" you hear a voice billow from below. Down behind the bars was Negan, poking his bearded face out to us. Carl freezes as he sees him, for the first time in a long time. 

"Wasn't sure if your bad ass girlfriend told you but...I just- wanted to say happy birthday..." he coos again. You take Carl's hand, trying to move him into the house, but he stays frozen, looking down at the sad man.

"I heard...thanks." he says, a bit coldly. The two exchange a few moments of eye contact before Carl begins to walk inside, but is stopped by Negan again.

"Could I have a minute to talk with you Carl? Alone?" he asks. Carl's face twists in confusion as he thinks. You tug at his hand again but he refuses to move. After a moment he finally responds.

"N-not right now..." he says faintly. He finally begins to step into the house and you follow, confused and distraught, and close the door behind you two.

"You don't have to talk to him." you say, making your way farther into the living room.

"I know but...it's been years I don't know. Maybe I should. Maybe we should we hear him out."

"Hear him out? Carl, he knows you. He knows that if he can tug on your heartstrings a little, you'll let him out. Or at least try and convince everyone to." Carl sighs a bit in frustration.

"I'll think about it, ok?" he says to you. You sigh and nod in reluctant agreement. You weren't exactly sure how to feel about it, but your protectiveness over Carl was taking over. Carl and Negan speaking 1 on 1 just made your heart race and your palms sweaty. Carl notices your discomfort, though, and walks up to you. Slowly he moves his hands to your hips and pulls you close to him. You wrap your arms behind his neck and sigh into the warmth of his neck. You feel a soft peck land on the top of your head, and look up to see Carl smiling down at you.

"Thanks for the party by the way. But I noticed, there wasn't a present from you in that pile, huh?" he smirks down at you. You frown a bit, hoping he hadn't remembered that.

"I'm sorry. I thought of everything but I-"

"It's ok darling. You still have time...if you wanna give me my present now?" A cheeky smile grows on his face. He lifts a hand up to caress your cheek, causing you to blush and smile into his palm. 

"Oh yeah? And what do you suppose I give you?" you ask him, deciding to toy with him, despite knowing exactly what he wanted. 

"Hmmm, I think it's upstairs actually..." he bites his lip in excitement. Suddenly, you're thrusted into the air as Carl carries you in his arms. You giggle as he carries you up the stairs, to the bedroom, and flops you onto the bed. You lay there, a heat growing on your face, as Carl climbs on top of you, inches from your face.

"I d-don't see a present here..." you accidentally stutter, the nerves creeping up on you. Carl bends his head down into the crook of your neck. Chills run up your spine as you feel his warm breath on you.

"You're my present."

Chapter Text

You bounce back onto the bed, giggling at his hasty excitement. He stands above, his fingers trembling as he unbuttons his shirt. You feel stupid with the biggest smile plastered on your face, but you can't help it as his clean, toned chest glistens in the moonlight. He then bends down, reaching his face to yours and rubbing the sides of your body up and down. He tightens his grip on you as your lips touch. It starts a bit slow and gentle, but quickly you speed up. The hunger builds inside you two as you devour each other's tongues and revel in the heat it's making. He hums in delight, though, as he pulls away. His hands still explore your body, slipping themselves under your shirt.

"You are so beautiful. In every way I just can't believe how lucky I am to have you." he whispers into you. Your skin prickles under the ticklish heat of his breath, causing you to react with a gentle giggle. 

"I'm the one that's lucky, Carl. Trust me." you whisper back. Your hands run over his toned abs and soft skin as he hovers over top of you. 

"Sure...if you say so..." is all he says. He continues sliding his hands farther under your shirt, but doesn't move further until he looks at you for the go ahead. You nod, earning a grin from him, and he slides it off your body. After tossing that aside, his fingers trace your bra; a fancy black one you found on a scavenge trip last week. You feel less stupid, now that you see a similar stupid smirk plastered on his face as his eyes scan every inch of you. You bite your lip. Just watching him admire you made the heat in your abdomen rise. You reach your hands down to his belt and try your best to undo the barrier between what you've seen of him and what's new. He chuckles as you fumble a bit, and eventually goes at it himself. His pants now drop to the floor and your breath catches in your throat at the sight.

You stare at his lower abdomen, a faint happy trail under his bellybutton. You scan around his hips, then to his v-line which draws your eyes right down to the waistband of his boxer briefs. You're snapped out of it a bit when you feel his slightly cold hands reattach themselves to your sides. He caresses you some more, igniting your lower stomach again, but this time headed downwards. He plays with the waistband of your pants. You don't even wait for him to ask permission before you begin sliding down your pants. He smirks wider at your anticipation, and helps you wriggle them all the way off. You feel the cool air on your legs as you lay there bare for him to see. You weren't sure why you felt a bit self conscious. It's not like you hadn't been this naked for him before, but something about this, taking it a step further, revealing everything. You hoped you were good enough. 

Quickly though, Carl reaches his arms up and slides you farther up the bed. He now hops on top of you, pinning you to the bed.

"You pick these out just for me?" he asks you. Your face heats up as he tugs the waistband of your panties, then lets it snap back to your skin. You nod your red face up and down, unable to say much. He reaches his face down to your neck, but refrains from making contact. "You look like a goddess." He whispers into your skin, then finally lets his lips connect. You can feel him trembling a bit as he keeps himself propped on top of you. You begin trembling too, as you feel the mixture of his warm breath and his wet kisses gliding across your neck, up to your ear, and down to your collarbone. 

"P-please Carl..." you whimper, feeling yourself aching for him. He stops working on your neck to look into your eyes. 

"Please what, baby?" he whispers back to you with a smirk. The moment feels so intimate, and everything feels so right, and you feel dizzy with love and excitement. 

"Please make love to me." He smiles at you now. It's soft, his smile. Not just a smirk. Something genuine, and full of love for you. He reaches around to your back and sits you up.

"I'd love nothing more, (y/n)." he whispers. He pulls your face to his and kisses you hungrily as his hands trace your outline. You feel him play with your bra clasp and you give him a small nod for permission. He fumbles for a moment before you feel his nervous hands shakily undo it. He pulls away from the kiss, slowly pulling the bra off of you and looking down at your body. You'd never seen him in such awe as he exchanges glances from your face to your chest. 

"Oh baby..." he whispers under his breath. He gently grasps your breasts, admiring them. He bends his head down and you shiver as you feel his warm breath on your skin. He slowly lays you back down onto the bed, then sticks his face near your neck. He leaves one small peck after another, leading himself back down to your chest. Your skin pricks up under each kiss he leaves on your sensitive skin. You can't help but let out a small relieved whimper as his lips touch your nipple. He begins leaving small kisses all around, using his hand to massage your other breast. It felt amazing to have his warm body pressing against yours, his tongue massaging one nipple and his fingers the other. 

Eventually he lifts his head back up and, looks up at you. You smile down but it fades a bit as you notice his bandage getting a bit in the way. You reach down to slip it off, but he pulls away a bit.

"A-are you sure my scar won't, like, turn you off?" he asks. You scoff a bit at him and shake your head. Without a word you slip it off his head. You smile down, now getting to see his entire beautiful face smiling back at you. He gives your chest one more kiss before making his way farther down. He kisses at your ribs, down to your stomach, and stops right at your bellybutton. You watch down at him as he looks at your panties, the lace creating a very thin barrier between him and yourself. He gives you a look, something you've never seen before. It was serious and firm, but somehow charged with love and passion. With that look, everything started to make sense. You didn't feel as nervous anymore, and you weren't scared for your first time. You were just hungry to feel his warmth against you.

He slides his gaze to your panties again, and slowly reaches a hand to them. You squirm a bit under his light touch, his thumb grazing up and down your pussy. You look up from his hand to see his face full of concentration and curiosity. He leans his face down, as slowly as he can to avoid seeming too eager. From beneath the lace you feel his warm lips press against you, and you let out a deep groan. He massages your thighs as he leaves you a few more kisses along your slit. All the while you can't help but make small grunts and whimpers, trying to contain yourself. Until he finally lifts his head up, looking you in your eyes. 

"Take these off for me, baby." he says, gentle but firm. You nod and slowly tug the lace panties down your legs, to your ankles, and then finally toss them on the floor. He bites his lip as he examines you. He looks so hard you almost begin to feel self conscious, until you feel his warm thumb just barely graze your pussy. You uncontrollably let out a moan much louder than before, and he smirks up at you. He rubs his thumb over the same spot, and listens to your moans again. 

"You sound so pretty for me, (y/n)." he murmurs to you. You feel your stomach do a flip as he kisses the inside of your thigh. He leaves slow, sloppy kisses all the way down, stopping right where your body begged him to go the most. He lets out a warm, slow breath on your opening, already tying your stomach in knots. You finally feel his tongue press against you, taking a slow, cautious lick. 

"Mmmm Carl..." you loudly moan out to him. He takes that as a sign to keep going, and he continues to lick up every inch of you. You let out more sounds as he explores your whole pussy with his mouth, alternating from slow sucks and licks to fast kisses and tongue flicks. You can't help but reach down and grab a handful of his hair, letting you guide him to where you want him to go. He didn't need too much help though, because not before long he found your clit, sending a warm shockwave up your body. You tug harder at his hair and you have no control over your loud moaning anymore. He draws circles over your clit with his tongue and occasionally kisses or sucks on it gently. You feel your stomach heating up inside and your legs begin to shake. You bite your lip to try and ease your groans, but you're so overcome with the feeling. You hear Carl groaning with enjoyment down below, as well as his licks and sucks slapping against his lips, which only makes the feeling in your stomach tighten. You squirm under his tongue as you fight to keep it together, but you finally feel yourself peak, and the feeling in your stomach explodes. You grip tighter onto Carl's hair and let yourself moan away the feeling. Slowly you come down, and Carl's licks slowly come to a stop. He replaces his mouth with his hand and feels your pussy still throbbing from him. His look at you turns from bewilderment, to enjoyment at your ecstasy.

You huff, a bit out of breath, but more satisfied than you've ever been. Carl moves himself up to meet your face, and he begins to sloppily kiss you. You can taste yourself on his lips as he lets out small groans into the kiss. You suddenly feel something hard pressing against the inside of your thigh, and you smirk at him. You reach down and let your fingers break the waistband of his boxers. He pulls away, panting from your kiss, as you begin to tug down at his boxers. Without a second thought, he gets up on his knees, and pulls his boxers down, letting his large member slap his stomach. You gasp as you feel your chest tighten at the sight of him. You felt your pussy throb even more, begging to have him inside of you. 

"A-are you ready baby?" he asks you. You reach your hand down to his member, and stroke it up and down. His hands fall and hit the bed on either side of you, gripping the sheets with pleasure. He lets you squeeze his and you watch as the precum drips down off the tip, into a little puddle on your stomach. 

"I'm so ready, Carl." you breathlessly mutter. He groans as he positions himself between your thighs. He grips onto you tight as you feel his tip press against you. He lets it slide around your wetness, until it catches on your entrance. You wince as he slowly presses further, stretching you out as he goes in. He exchanges looks between himself and your face to make sure you're ok. At first it feels uncomfortable, like too much is going in, but you adjust to his size and once he's made it all the way in, your body relaxes. The way he feels inside you is like a perfect fit, like two puzzle pieces made for each other. Once he knows you're ok, he slowly pulls himself back out. His head rocks back, staring up at the ceiling as he moans with pleasure. 

"I never knew how fucking good this could feel...you are so perfect..." he musters through his pants. You giggle a bit, finding pleasure in his pleasure. He now, pushes back in and finds himself a pace. He hammers into you lightly, slowly pumping in and out. You squeak with pleasure and grind into him, finding his cock to fill you up so satisfyingly. His pace shortly quickens a bit, as if he can't help himself. He leans back down onto you, placing his hands on each side of your head, and pressing his warm body against yours. He grunts and groans as he slides in and out of your pussy so perfectly. You revel in the sound of warm smacks and slaps filling the room alongside each of your moans. Your head spins in ecstasy, in a dreamy sort of way you'd never felt before. You both huff and sweat onto each other, and you feel his strokes growing a bit sloppy.

"(y-y/n), ugh...I think I'm gonna cum..." he squeezes out. You dig your fingers into his back as he slams himself into you endlessly. Just before he releases, though, he slips himself out and pumps himself onto your stomach. He shakes his cock, squeezing every last drop of cum onto you. He pants and groans as he slowly comes to a stop, and looks down at the shiny white puddles on you. He smiles through his breaths and he looks up at you. You shift your gaze from his mess to his perfect face, and you smile. 

After getting cleaned up, the two of you slip under the covers and Carl immediately wraps you in his arms. You take a deep sigh into his chest as he holds you and gently plays with your hair. You can hear his heart beating deep and you feel it in sync with yours. 

"I love you (y/n). I already did before this, but now I feel like, we're one. We're together." Carl utters gently next to your head, before planting a sweet kiss there. You uncontrollably smile into his chest.

"I love you more than anything Carl. I wouldn't wanna be spending the end of the world with anyone but you." you beam.

"No...this can't be the end of the world. It feels like...everything just started." He places a finger gently under your chin to make you look at him. You exchange a passionate glance, before leaning in for a long, slow kiss. You sleepily chat for a while longer, before both of you pass out in each other's arms. 

5 months later...

Your POV

You swing your legs off the bed, your feet meeting the soft carpet below. Normally the morning would have you feeling like a walker, but this morning had a different vibe. It felt like the sun shined brighter and your head was clearer and the air smelled sweeter. You take your time getting ready, until you hear a small giggle echoing from downstairs.

With a smile on your face you make your way down the steps. As you round the corner, you feel yourself melt at the sight.

"Now, this one's for (y/n), Judith, so make sure it's extra special." Carl says, standing next to Judith who's using a step stool to reach the stove.

"I knowww I've made pancakes before." she says, with her sass that's only grown with age.

Just as the batter hits the pan with a loud sizzle, you approach the island and rest your elbows on the counter. Carl feels your presence and turns around, a wide grin on his face.

"Speak of the devil." he chuckles a bit. He starts to round the island towards you, before Judith whips around, shoves her spatula into Carl's hands, and jumps off her stool towards you.

"(Y/N)!!" she shouts. You giggle and bend down, though not as much as you used to, to give her a warm hug.

"Morning Boss!", you say,"What's the occasion for pancakes?"Carl flips the pancake in the pan, another loud sizzle filling the room before he answers.

"Does there have to be an occasion...?" he combats your question with his own in a suspicious tone. You chuckle at him and choose to ignore his antics. Your stomach growls as you and Judith sit there, waiting for Carl's famous buckwheat pancakes.

Carl's POV

After breakfast I sit under the gazebo, biting my lip with anxiety. I told (y/n) to meet me here after her walk with Judith...and when she gets back...

"You got this Carl..." I whisper under my breath, a small diamond ring twirling around in my hands. I can hear my heart in my head, my chest vibrating from the beating. I try taking deep breaths and calming down, but all I can think about is messing it up.

"You look like shit." Michonne says, plopping herself down next to me.

"Thanks." I say, shakily, not even able to give her a smirk. I hear her sigh as she takes a seat next to me.

"Hey, you know she's gonna say yes, right? There's nothing to-"

"W-what if I drop the ring? What if as soon as she gets back it starts to rain and the whole thing is thrown off? I mean what if...what if I can't even get the words out right? God I-I've never been so terrified to do anything in my life." I rant. She places a tender hand on my shoulder, already calming a small fraction of my nerves.

"You know who you're proposing to, right? (y/n) (l/n) does not need a perfect movie magic level proposal. Nothing you could do or say would disappoint her, because at the end of the day, she just wants you. You know that." I take a deep breath, absorbing her words and using them to extinguish my fears.

"Yeah, yeah I know. I just love her. So much. I WANT to make everything perfect for her. She deserves it." Michonne and I meet eyes for a second, exchanging warm smiles.

"Well, if you need any help, I'm always here...You know I'm the master of love. They used to call me cupid back in high school."

"Stop no one called you that." I chuckle and shove her playfully.

"No, no trust me, they did." she says very sarcastically. I watch as stands herself back up and walks back to the house, leaving me alone again with my shaky hands and stomachache. (y/n) deserves something perfect, for once in this shitty life, just something perfect.

Your POV (sry for the POV switches lol)

"I'll catch up with you later Jude, you ask Michonne to find you a vase for those." Judith smiles up at you, a bouquet of wildflowers in her hands as she scurries home. You finally make your way to the gazebo, seeing a worry-ridden Carl staring into his hands.

"Hey handsome." you said, clearly startling him out of thought. He jumps up out of his seat and stuffs his hands in his pockets.

"Hey uh, nothing much, beautiful." he says. You can see him start to acclimate as he stares into your face, almost as if seeing you made him feel at ease. You slowly approach him, gliding your hand up his arms, to around his shoulders. You feel him slip his hands out of his pockets, finding themselves resting on your hips, pulling you in tight.

"I love you." he says tenderly, inches away from your face. You let out a small chuckle, getting a bit of a kick out of him being so affectionate.

"I love you too...?" you say with a bit of suspicion in your tone. You feel a moment of discomfort in Carl, as he clears his throat and untangles his hands from your waist.

"Do you ever feel like, there's one true happiness in your life? Like one thing that gives you meaning?"

"Yeah. Like Miss. Robin's no-bake chocolate granola cookies." you joke, and he lightly chuckles back.

"Right. Those are really fucking good...But I think I've found mine. I found my true happiness, the thing that keeps me breathing, that gets me out of bed in the morning.", you watch Carl in curiosity as he reaches into his back pocket, "It's you. Always has been." You smile wide at Carl, finally realizing what's happening as he begins to kneel down on one knee. But suddenly, you're interrupted by your walkie talkie going off.

"WE NEED EVERYONE AT THE BRIDGE NOW! THERE'S A HOARD OF WALKERS COMING STRAIGHT FOR ALEXANDRIA!" You look down at your walkie talkie on your belt, then back at Carl, both of your faces stricken with fear.

...

You see Rick from afar, limping and holding his bleeding stomach. Before anyone can say or do anything, you watch him point his gun, and shoot. The explosion appeared in slow motion. Walkers flying across the sky, dropping into the river, along with debris from the bridge. Carl grabs you tight as you both fall to your knees.

"DAD!...dad, no..." you hear him sob in your ear as you sit there plainly. You can't move or think or feel anything, just in shock at what you just witnessed. All you can focus on is the ringing in your ears and the beating of your heart. Until you realize...

...Rick Grimes is dead.

Chapter Text

6 years later...

You swing your feet off your bed, a bit too forcefully and wince as your heels hit the bed frame with a loud bonk. 

"Shit..." you hiss to yourself. Carefully, you let your feet touch the ragged carpet below, and stand yourself up. Your back aches as you stretch, and your eyes can barely keep themselves open. You stumble down the hall, using the walls as guidance, and make your way to the bathroom. You look to yourself in the mirror. You notice your complexion hardening, losing your more childlike features, and earning a tired, grizzly look. You decide to wash the dread away and splash your face with the freezing cold water. Your breath catches in your throat a bit as you reach for your towel, and dab the chill away. Next you reach for your toothbrush. Your hand shudders as you grab the lone toothbrush from the cup.

The cool air of the August morning flows through your lungs as you step outside. You tighten your grip on your bag as you head to Michonne's. Walking through town, a few members greet you, and you flash them your fake jovial smile. Though it's been years, you'll never get used to the so-called "fame" you've earned as the official Alexandria Ambassador. You were the first friendly face to anyone who'd shown up in the past six years, which wasn't many, but you still couldn't remember half of their names to save your life. 

The day had finally come to send Magna's group to the Kingdom. Daryl had shown up days before with the group after coming across Judith trying to save them, and you were glad to finally convince Michonne to let them heal here. But now comes the second problem...

"You aren't sending an escort with them?" you look at Michonne with disgust. 

"We can't risk our own people. They'll make it there just before sundown if they leave asap." Michonne says coldly, adding a slight glare to you at the end.

"They are our own people. They're humans. Daryl can't handle everything on his own! If they need an escort I'm SURE we have more than enough people-"

"How about you? Since you wanted them here so bad." Without another word Michonne walks away. You want to be angry so bad, but your heart hurts too much. A woman you used to call mom, now scorned and callous. You try to quell your emotions with a deep breath. You turn to face the group who was packing and getting ready to leave by the gate.

"I'll escort you guys back..." you say, the lump in your throat already forming. 

You tug on the straps of your knapsack, which was starting to dig into your shoulders a bit, as you make your way down the road with the group. 

"Want me to get that for you?" a gruff voice approaches you from behind. Daryl was sporting a soft, kind face towards you, something you weren't used to seeing from anyone. Regardless to how much pain your shoulders were going to be later, you readjust your knapsack and continue along.

"I'm ok...thanks..." He nods silently, but keeps up pace with you, creating an awkward silence only filled by the sound of horse hooves on the road. That is, until he clears his throat a few minutes later.

"How's Alexandria?" he asks you. 

"Pretty much same old same old. I'm trying to keep people happy and Michonne just rains straight shit on everyone's parade. The council's bullshit it's just a way for Michonne to make things LOOK fair. AND-" you catch yourself ranting, maybe a bit too loud. You begin to bite your lip to keep yourself from saying more, and you end your sentence with a shrug. Daryl nods and grunts in response, enjoying your outburst of emotion, something that was rare nowadays. 

"Well, things ain't goin much better out there let me tell you..." he says, glancing at you as he finishes.

"Oh yeah?" you ask, hoping to not come off as curious.

"Yeah...ain't much out there. Just lookin for signs and huntin with, uh..." he pauses for a moment, hesitating on the name. You take a moment to think, feeling your palms start to sweat and your heart picking up pace. You try to think of something to reply, something passive and apathetic. You want to act nonchalant, but his face flashes in your mind and you lose all coordination. The tip of your boot just barely catches on a rock and you feel your body launched onto the pavement. The weight of your pack thrusts you ahead, scraping your skin farther along the pavement than it should've. You feel the world stop for a moment until Daryl lifts your bag off of you.

"Shit, you ok sweetheart?" he asks. You roll over, grab his outstretched hand, and use it to pull yourself to your feet. 

"I-I'm fine. Just some scrapes I'll be ok. They can, fix me up at the Kingdom." Daryl nods, examining your now dusty clothes and a few bloody scrapes pricking your arms and face. He slings your pack over his shoulder and you continue down the road. 

"PLEASE! PLEASE DON'T KILL ME!" You stare down at the teenage girl pleading for her life to you. She was apart of the whisperers, but she's just a little girl, about your age when you showed up to Alexandria. You look back at Daryl and Magna's group, clearly no one having any sort of game plan. You look back at the girl, her face caked in dirt and the look of genuine terror on her face.

"Change of plans...we're going to Hilltop. It's closer. And...we take her there. Maybe she can tell us something." Daryl stands by your side and nods, getting to work at tying her up for travel. She continues sobbing and pleading. 

"Relax. If we were gonna kill you, we'd have done it already." you say, hoping to calm her down in some way. 

You can feel Daryl acting sheepish as you approach the gates of Hilltop. It had been years since you were here, and you were amazed at the progress they made. Fields lined up outside, a wall reinforced with stronger wood, and a much more advanced gate system. 

"What's up?" you ask him, hoping it wasn't a mistake coming here. He huffs and clears his throat awkwardly. 

"N-nothin..." is all he says. You look away, confused, but return your focus on the guards atop the towers.

"DROP YOUR WEAPONS!" the guard yells down at you. Magna's group all look at each other, like they would be crazy to get rid of their weapons right now. 

"H-hey! It's (y/n), from Alexandria! Is Maggie here...?" you shout back up. The other guards poke their heads up as you get no answer. There's a bit of shuffling going on, before you see a familiar face.

"We said drop your weapons. Then we'll let you in." Tara demands from above the wall. You look confused, wondering why she's making the calls. After some convincing, everyone's weapons sit in the grass around you. You watch the gates open as Tara hops down to see you. You all enter the gate, looking around in a bit of amazement at the settlement they had. 

"Tara I- I haven't seen you in forever-"

"What are you doing here," she asks you, before shifting her glare to Daryl,"and where have you been?" You give her a confused look, but Daryl cuts in front of you, willing to take the reigns on explaining. You decide to back up a bit, taking it all in. It was a hot minute since you'd been anywhere besides Alexandria, and you feel some memories floating back to you and it feels like your head is spinning, until you feel something solid hit your back. You turn to see a man's back and your face turns red.

"Oop I- I am so sorry-" you start, but your body turns to stone when he turns around and you're met with a notable freckled face. The same face that used to stare at you with so much love and emotion, now fearful and awkward.

"(y-y/n)?"

Later that night

"I-I shoulda told you kid. Carl and I took a little break from searchin to recharge here...gather supplies..." Daryl trails off.

The campfire crackles in the courtyard of Hilltop. You let those crackles fill the space, not feeling a response was necessary. Eventually you hear his footsteps fade into the distance, and now it's only you and the crickets out here, leaving room for a lot of thoughts. You plop yourself down on the log beside the fire and rest your head in your hands. You try to focus on the situation with Lydia and the whisperers, but your mind keeps wandering back to him. You hated all the stupid little things you noticed even in that one glance you shared. The way he'd grown his hair, both on his head and his face. The way his bandage looked so old and worn, probably because you were always the one taking care of it. But most importantly, you noticed his expression. Years had gone by without seeing him. The last time you saw him his face was scrunched up with a mix of anger and mourning. Thinking back on it was enough to bring a heat to your face and beckon tears to your eyes. You immediately sober up though, when you feel a presence join you on the bench. Very much keeping his distance, was him.

"Carl-" you acknowledge him without looking. The name rolled off your tongue for the first time since that day and it brought everything back for you. His name felt so natural and welcome in your mouth.

"(y/n)..." he says back, also hiding his gaze. You heard your name a million times a day from everyone's greetings and pleasantries. But there was something about the way he said it. You thought you'd never hear his voice utter your name again.

You both just sit there, not sure what to say or do.

"What happened to your face...and arms...and knees...?" he asks awkwardly, now looking at the ground below him with his elbows on his knees.

"I tripped. And fell." you say. It's so quiet, you hear him swallow nervously.

"You should uh, clean them before they get infected. I can take you to the medical trailer." he sighs, as if getting those words out was a struggle. You look at each other at the same time. Locking eyes with him made you feel sick to your stomach.

"Sure..."

Carl's POV

As she sits in the other room, I go through the medicine cabinets, searching for some alcohol and bandages. My hands are shaking uncontrollably and my mouth feels like it's filled with cotton. I can't believe she's here. Right now she's here and waiting for me to clean her wounds. I dial in, take a deep breath, and grab the supplies. But I choke once again when I turn around and see her anxious face in the moonlight, examining the likes of the medical trailer. My heart yearns to touch her. To feel her skin on mine and taste her lips again. But my brain knows I can't. I approach her slowly, trying to avert my gaze. I open up the bottle and soak the cotton ball. I kneel to be level with her scraped knees. She winces as the cold alcohol burns her scrape, and I feel a shockwave sent through my body.

"S-sorry..." I whisper up to her. Why am I whispering?

"S-so do you...live here?" she asks after a few moments of me working on her.

"Uh, kinda. For the past couple weeks. Daryl and I just needed a break on the road so..." I explain. She nods, and then looks down to my hands, watching me work.

"How's Alexandria?" I ask as I carefully place the bandages, taking care to be gentle. Though as I ask the question, I feel her tense up.

"It's...it's fine." It felt like any open dialogue we had going was quickly shut down now.

"Hands." I say to her. It takes her a moment, but she offers them to me. She has no clue what a pleasure it is to be holding her hands, running the pad of alcohol across her knuckles. I take shallow breaths though, to conceal my feelings.

I slowly slip my fingers away when I'm done, and I stand back upright.

"There. Good as new." She rubs her new bandages as she stands up off the bench. I teeter a bit on my feet, the awkwardness setting in again. "So uh are you staying inside or-"

"Tents. In the back. And uh, thanks for the bandages." She mutters uncomfortably, before slipping out the door behind me. I stand for a moment, twiddling my thumbs as I bask in the ghost of where she just sat, the moon beams now only catching dust. I still feel it. Deep in my soul I still feel the burning love and care we had for each other. I take the feeling with me everywhere I go and think about it in everything I do. I feel my chest ache as I finally leave and shut the trailer door behind me. I think about her. How beautifully she's matured, and how wonderful life could be with her, and I wonder how the hell we got like this.

Your POV

You swing your feet off your cot and place them on the floor of your tent. You groggily sit there for a moment, your head in your hands, trying to fight off the sleepy feeling.

"Rise n shine sweetheart, it's bridge day..." you hear a familiar gruff voice outside your tent, but it's a voice you thought you'd never hear again.

You push yourself onto your feet and stick your hand through the slit of your tent cautiously. The bright sun shocks your eyes, but as they adjust you take in the beautiful forest scenery. Around you are other tents and stalls with people bustling all around them. People from all communities, even the Sanctuary, gathering supplies and getting ready to work on the bridge. You turn your head to the left, only to be jumpscared by "Mr. President" himself.

"Oop- sorry, didn't mean to scare you." he chuckles.

"R-Rick?..." your heart drops into your stomach like you've just seen a ghost, because you were.

"How ya feeling this morning? You look a little pale." he tilts his head, concerned at you.

"B-but...you-" you stammer and back away towards the tent, before being stopped by a body.

"Honey, are you ok?" you feel a pair of warm arms wrap around you. Carl steps out, but he looks like he used to. No beard, no dark circles. He looks to you, then his dad, then back to you with a smile. "Oh, yeah. We found him, Daryl and I." his face suddenly drops and you swear you watch his eyes sink into his skull a bit,"He was alive after all, despite how much you doubted it." His face slowly deforms and looks at you with anger, almost like a vicious walker. You shake your head and your eyes whip between the two men, now slowly marching closer towards you. You shake your head so fast that suddenly you somehow find yourself back at Alexandria.

You stand behind the desk in the courthouse, reading the list of new residents you were meant to initiate today. Before you check off the first name on the list, you chuckle a bit to yourself.

"What a coincidence. That's my mom's name-" you freeze when you look up.

It was then that your brain registered everything and realized, it's another nightmare. You breathe deep and shut your eyes tight, a method you found helped you most, since normally, in a few moments-

The next morning

You wake up. Your face stone cold but still sweating. You recall a few hazy details from your nightmare and rub your eyes. It was tragic, the lack of sleep you'd gotten last night. But it was time to trot your way back to Alexandria, and back to your own bed. You lazily get yourself dressed, lingering on your bandaged knees and knuckles as you remember the night with Carl.

As you finally head out, your teeth sinking into an apple for breakfast, you notice everyone crowding around the gate. You scan around nervously and quickly make your way closer.

"Daryl, what's going on?" you ask as you approach his side. He grumbles at first before answering.

"You know the leader of the whisperers? That girl we brought here's her daughter...and she wants her back." he says. Your stomach starts to tie in knots. You take another slow bite of your apple before tossing it to the side, now feeling incredibly nauseous.

"Shit. It's all my fault for bringing her back. Let's just...give her back." you say, your voice trembling a bit.

"That'd basically be a death sentence. She don't wanna go back, she wants to stay with us..." Daryl replies. You see Lydia cowering behind a boy in the crowd, a terrified look on her face. You feel like you could bash your head against a brick wall. Stupid idea bringing her here. Stupid idea escorting people here. Stupid idea coming to Hilltop.

"Carl? What is it?" you hear Tara as she climbs down the scaffolding and heads towards you. You look to see Carl backing away from the gate slowly, as if what he'd seen through the slits was a horror beyond comprehension. His head whips over to you, a look of dread on his face, which you simply return with a confused one.

"Give me my daughter, and we'll be on our way!" you now hear Alpha from outside the walls.

"(y/n), come on. We're going." Carl marches towards you and grabs your arm. You rip your arm out of his grip, twisting an angry face at him.

"What the fuck? No not until we take care of this." you say, and begin making your way to the gate. Carl once again grips onto your arm and yanks you away.

"(y/n), please just listen to me." Carl's bright blue eye stares at you with intent. Despite his seriousness, you lean in closer to him with a mean look.

"Let. Go." you say sternly. His face softens, as he realizes something he's realized time and time again, that he'll never be able to stop you from doing what you want. He slowly lets you go and gives you a sad look as you continue forward.

But when you reach the gate,

and you rest your forehead against the cold scratchy log,

you wished for once that you listened to him.

You shut your eyes tight, taking deep breaths, hoping to wake yourself up from the nightmare.

But you open them again to find the same image in front of you. You slowly feel your balance slip and your legs feel like jelly. A man catches you, presumably Carl, as you fall to the ground. There's only one last thing you can mutter before everything goes black.

"M-mom?"

Chapter Text

Flashback

"They never found a body, (y/n)." Carl mutters sheepishly behind you as you wash dishes. You look up at your reflection in the dark window above the sink, a hollow face scowling back at you. This argument had gone on for a week now, ever since Daryl planted the stupid idea of looking for Rick's body.

"I can't keep this conversation going anymore Carl I really-"

"I need to look i-if there's a chance, even a single chance-" You turn the sink off forcefully and turn around to look at him, arms crossed. 

"It's already been 5 months. No one's found anything."

"Yeah but I  haven't looked! I haven't been out there you can't expect to me to just not be curious-"

"We need you here Carl. I need you here..."

"I-I know I know. I'm sorry really the only thing making me not want to go is that I won't see you but- What if he's alive and we just didn't look? You-you wouldn't be able to live with yourself like that." That last part gets a rise out of you, and you feel the conversation shift.

"What the hell? Why-why are you putting this on me now? If I had the privilege to just not give a fuck and go galavant around the world looking for someone with no direction, no clues, nothing- Oh I would love to go look for Rick, I really would. But without him I- Who's going to run this place, me and Michonne?!"

"You act like this is going to be vacation for me, like this is something I'm going to have fun doing. I'm looking for my dead father, (y/n)! Can't you understand what that's like for me?"

"I understand Carl I really do. But what you're trying to do right now sucks. It just really sucks and I don't think you understand how it's going to affect all of us." He scoffs and twists his face at you.

"I feel like you're trying to guilt trip me or something right now..."

"Wow...Maybe I don't even have to try. Maybe you just feel guilty."

"Well maybe you're being selfish. You just don't want to lose me. You want to control me."

"Control you? Jesus Carl what the fuck?!"

"I mean he was basically your dad too don't you care? No, because you just care about what you want-" you see his face growing red and tears welling up in his eye. 

"Fuck you! If anything YOU'RE selfish! You don't want to stay here and help your people just because you can't accept the fact that Rick Grimes is DEAD!" Silence rings through the room. You hear a plush drop of Carl's tear landing on his dry cotton shirt. He bows his head to look at the floor for a moment. You almost regret your harsh words, as you're sure he feels the same. After a few moments of stewing he finally lifts his head up slowly and looks into your eyes.

"You don't really believe that. I know you don't believe that-" he says in a strangled voice, almost begging.

"Carl-"

"Don't. Just- don't..."he sighs,"Daryl and I are leaving in an hour." Your heart drops. Never in all the past week of arguments did you think he'd actually do it. 

"What? Carl no you can't-"

"I already decided, (y/n). I'm sorry. We'll be back...whenever we find something." You look at his wavy frame through the tears in your eyes. Despite it, you can still see his forlorn face of regret. As he slowly turns away from you, heading to pack his bag, you feel a fire rise in you. This world was full of loss, but mostly from death; unwilling and sudden. To have someone leave like this in this world should be a sin.

"Fuck you. Don't come back." The words sting your tongue as you speak them. You see him pause in the doorway, before continuing through without a second look back. 

Present

You feel a cold wet drop hit your shoulder, followed by another one racing down your face behind it. Your eyes flutter open. Waves of pressure radiate through your head and beneath your eyes. Through blurry, glazed eyes you see a figure reaching to press the rag on your forehead. 

"C-Carl?" you slur out. After a few blinks though, you realize it's Enid, surrounded by a few others like Tara and Daryl. But not Carl. You shakily try to prop yourself up, remembering what you saw before you blacked out.

"Hey, hey (y/n), it's ok. Just relax." Enid tries calming you before removing the rag from your head. You take a few heavy breaths and you feel some of the anxiety escape through your lungs. You look around at the people surrounding you, their faces sullen and worried.

"How long was I out?" 

"A good few hours. It's about sundown now." Tara says, her arms crossed. You simply nod and lean back against the headboard. You try to think back to what happened before you passed out, your brain feeling a bit fuzzy. You remember you were spending the night here, you awoke in your tent, and then-

it hits you.

You jump up almost out of the bed, immediately being held down by Enid. You grip your chest as it beats harder and harder, your breath quickening.

"M-my-" you stammer. You can see everyone around you looking at you with concern and worry.

"(Y/N), it's ok! You're ok! Just relax..." Enid says as he holds your arm, attempting to comfort you. You try and steady yourself, taking sharp inhales and focusing on sitting upright. All the clatter must've been heard downstairs because in a few moments, you see a figure race to the doorway. Carl's rugged face looks to you, sat up in bed, sweating and panting. 

"I told you guys to get me when she woke up." you hear him say to the others in a hushed tone. Enid looks at him before exchanging glances with everyone else around the room. As if they spoke to each other telepathically, they all slowly made their way out of the room, some giving you nod or a pat of reassurance as they left. You look to Carl's face and for the first time since seeing him again, it was soft. Not so hard and menacing, but almost pitiful. Enid slowly pulls the door closed, finally leaving you and Carl alone. He slowly inches closer and props himself on the edge of your bed, creating an awkward silence in the room.

"Hey..." he says with a slight voice crack. 

"Please don't come in here trying to tell me it's alright and everything's gonna be okay. That's all anyone has been able to tell me lately and-"

"I know it's not alright. Trust me I know you. I'm not gonna try and sugarcoat anything for you." Carl pauses for a moment and clears his throat. "But that wasn't her (y/n)." Your face twists up in confusion and offence. 

"What the fuck? Are you serious I know what I saw Carl!" 

"That wasn't her. That was Alpha, the leader of the whisperers. That wasn't the woman we both grew up with. The one that kept you safe from your dad or gave me a bandaid when I scraped my knee on the tree in your backyard. Ok?" He says, his eye looks at you passionately, as if he's searching your soul for a response.

"Y-yeah. But, what if she's still in there? M-maybe if she saw me...if I could talk to her-"

"No.", he says firmly,"She's way too far gone (y/n) I'm not letting you go near her."

"Carl she's MY MOM. I thought she was dead I haven't seen her since I was like, 12. You don't know maybe she could change if-"

"Do-do you know anything about the Whisperers?" he cuts you off. 

"I mean people have mentioned them and that they've caused some trouble with us. But I've never seen them myself or heard anything specific. Why?" Carl leans back a bit and huffs. 

"They wear the faces of walkers to blend in, because they see themselves as one with the walkers. They're primal, blood-thirsty, territorial animals. They have no emotional ties anymore, they just survive. No matter what. You have no idea the things I had to see when Daryl and I were out there. And- And "your mom" is leading them. Seriously (y/n), she's gone." You sit there for a moment, taking in everything Carl says. You want to believe him and take his word for it, but it's different for you. Seeing her face for the first time in so many years. All these years you missed out on a mother's love. If you hadn't passed out, maybe you would've ran right up to her and hugged her.

"Why did she call that girl her daughter?" you say, mostly to yourself as you work everything out in your head. Carl chuckles lightly.

"I honestly have no idea. I mean, do you think she was pregnant when this all started?"

"HA, no. There's zero chance of that. Maybe she's just been taking care of her to the point where she's like a daughter...so weird."

"You always hated being an only child." Carl says light-heartedly. You look up at him and see his blue eye sparkling at you, his mouth turned up into a sympathetic smirk. 

"Yeah...I guess." you reply. There's a few more moments of silence between you and Carl before he clears his throat. 

"They made uh, some spaghetti and salad downstairs for dinner. I could heat some up for you." he offers shyly. 

"I can get it. I feel like I should stretch my legs a little." you say. He nods and sighs a bit before pushing himself off the mattress. You begin scooting yourself to the edge, but find your legs still a bit weak. Before you try to push yourself up, you see a friendly hand reaching out in front of your face. Carl tries to look nonchalant as you take his hand in yours, and he lifts you up. 

As you head to the kitchen of the Hilltop Town hall, Carl's arm is wrapped loosely around your shoulders "making sure you don't fall" as he said. Although after the stairs you felt fine to walk on your own, you didn't want to say anything...

"Ugh, I forgot how good spaghetti is..." you groan as you slurp up another bundle of noodles. Carl chuckles as he watches you.

"You guys don't have Spaghetti in Alexandria?"

"Not since Mary's tomato crops died. We couldn't find any more seeds and...well Michonne is too stubborn to ask any other communities for help." you say and wipe off a small splatter of sauce from your face. 

"God, what has gotten into her? Why is she so adamant on cutting Alexandria off from everyone?" You had an answer, but to talk about it to Carl was tough.

"R-Rick...she can't go through something like that again." is all you can muster the courage to say. Carl feels the tension and just nods. There's some more awkward silence, not including the sound of you slurping, until you've finally finished your plate.  Carl lifts his elbows off the counter and stands up straight.

"Here let me get that." he says and rushes to take your dishes to the sink. You stand there watching him as he washes at the sink, his back to you. Finally getting a good look, you notice his hair much longer than before, and darker too. The way his back muscles flexed as he moved showed much more pronounced muscles under his flannel. You think he maybe even grew a couple inches. But your inspection is cut off as the faucet shuts off and he turns back around. He notices that you were staring, but the way his face softens shows he didn't mind.

"I think it's bed time. For me at least." he says. You nod and he leads you outside. 

"So, I know things have been kinda rough but, are you going to the fair on Friday?" Carl's eye gleams at you as you stand in front of your tent. 

"Mmph, I don't know. Michonne really doesn't want to..."

"Right but, I think I know someone who could convince the Alexandrians to disobey Michonne pretty easily..."  he says and gives you a cheeky smile.

"Ugh Carl...she's already pissed at me. Imagine if I turned the whole town against her too." He nods understandingly. 

"Right. Who knows, maybe you could convince her." 

"Sure, after all this stuff with the Whisperers now, she'd LOVE the idea of the fair." you say sarcastically and Carl chuckles a bit. You feel a sort of tension though when he stops and looks at you. He studies your face, almost getting lost in it. You hear him take a deep breath in before speaking.

"I missed you. While I was gone." he says, his first truly vulnerable moment since seeing you again. You feel your chest tighten and your hands clam up as the words settle into your ears. You'd almost forgotten that anything happened between you two. That you had held a resentment for him for so long. But him saying that brought everything back for you.

"Yeah we all missed you." you said, a flick of fire rolling off your tongue as you spoke in a nasty tone. He looks a bit taken aback, not expecting that answer.

"I-I'm sorry did I say something wrong?"

"You CHOSE to leave. And you could've come back to visit any time you wanted. So clearly you didn't miss me enough, because I didn't see you for 6 years." you say to him. Before he can retort, you bend down and slink into your tent, zipping it up as aggressively as you can. You hear him linger for a second, before trotting off.