Archive of Our Own ^beta

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The entire crew of the 'Seamus' was on a holodeck made to look like a saloon. They had fought of the bad guys thanks (surprisingly) to Cyril. Suddenly the alarm goes off. Barry 6 gave everyone the chance to retreat to the escape pod; everyone except for Archer of course.

The group, stopped in there tracks, look at both Barry 6 and Archer. Malory reached toward him.

Before anything is spoken, Malory is in her son's hospital room. She has been for the last three years. Tonight, however, is going to be the last night she stays. She hears the monitor makes a sound that she had hoped she wouldn't never hear. 

Both doctors and nurses to all that is necessary to resuscitate the dying man. Meanwhile, Lana and Ray attempt to remove that man's hysterical mother from the room, with Pam, Cyril, and Cheryl having exited already. Yet, Malory continues to call for Archer as if it would inexplicably wake him up. Finally, the two agents are able to (practically) drag Malory to the waiting area. 

Unfortunately, too little time passes before a doctor enters the area. He tells the group that, despite everything the medical team did, Sterling Archer did not make it. Ray remained silent. It was Lana that had to hold a grieving Malory, who was on knees and crying. Her worst nightmare had become reality. 

Chapter Text

Archer awoken with a deep gasp after he was injected with the anti-venom. While hallucinating, he had seen the man that was actually his father. No thanks to Cyril, however, he couldn't recall anything.

It wasn't until A.J. was born that, out of nowhere, those same images returned. Archer wanted to give something meaningful to give his baby girl.

His baby girl. If anyone ever told him he would one day have a daughter that he'd adore, Archer would have thought that person to be beyond bat-shit crazy. Yet, here he was. Here it was; the stuffed alligator toy.

The exact one that was given to him by the man that said he was his real father. The thing had been stashed away in the back of his closet for who knows how long. It surprisingly was in decent condition.

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"Basically an older version of me," Archer practically yelled. He had gone to visit his mother. Not believing a word Archer said, she asked her son about those images. Malory simply remained silent and left the room. She returned carrying an envelope. 

Archer open the envelope. He took out a stack of photographs. In each picture was of the man to gifted him the alligator. There were even some pictures with the man and  his mother. 

The bigger issue, however, was that the man resembled Archer a lot. Not a twin, but definitely looked liked he could pass for Archer's older brother. He checked the back of each photo looking for a name or something indicating what this man was to his mother.

There was indeed writing on most of the photos. Only it faded. Unless he actually took time to study every one closely, the writing was completely useless. Archer didn't want to take the time.

He just wanted a drink and go home. When he arrived back at his penthouse, Archer picked up the stuffed animal and stashed it back into the closet.

His daughter was going to have the best gift he could possibly give her. A.J. was going to have her father in her life.

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The entire crew had arrived, uninvited, at Archer's penthouse for an intervention for him. That intervention was led by the very person he could have gone with out seeing. That person was Lana Kane.

Ray was criticizing Archer on the way he did his job. Krieger was saying ... something about the brain. Archer defended his actions, but when Lana suggested therapy he admitted to already going. Then he went silent and walked to the balcony doors.

The others were trying to get answers from him when Pam noticed the expression on Archer's face. Anger? Hurt? Sadness? She couldn't tell. 

"It's none of your business," Archer snapped. He calmed himself before continuing, "what's important is that I am in therapy like you suggested Lana."

The others left. Lana and Pam stayed behind. Lana mentioned the word "proud". Could it be possible? Would Lana reconsider allowing Archer to have visitation rights with A.J.? Instead of asking, he gave a very small smile and Lana walked out the door.

Pam, however, pulled Archer further into the apartment.

"When did you start going to therapy? She asked.

"After the arbitration hearing," he whispered.

Pam was shocked. She damn sure knew that therapy wasn't court ordered. They all knew that much. She was about to ask why he just didn't talk to her. Okay, so her track record at keeping secrets wasn't very good, but she was his friend. All she could say was, "let me know if you want to talk to me or if there's anything I can do."

Archer nodded, and Pam exited the penthouse.

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 The ringing in his ears had been so loud that Archer would have sworn others actually heard it. So he really didn't hear the 'why' of Lana's actions. If he was honest with himself, Archer didn't have the heart (or guts) to ask Lana to repeat herself. He was curious about another 'why'.

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?" He quietly asked so that he wouldn't startle the sleeping newborn.

 "I was--," she began but stopped.

  "You were what, Lana?" Archer asked.

 "Afraid," she admitted, "of your, well behavior, I guess is the best word."

 "Meaning?" Archer asked.

"If you knew, you would have tried to stopped be from going on missions," she said.

Would that have been so wrong? Should he not care about the safety of his child and her mother?

 Lana continued, "this way you didn't care whether or not I went on a mission."

 Archer was insulted. Lana had no idea what he would have done if he knew earlier. Neither did he. Lana didn't give Archer a chance to do, or not do, something. She was basically saying that Archer didn't care when he thought the baby belonged to someone else.

 "So almost drowning, proposing and telling you to run in order to avoid having your baby taken from you meant nothing," Archer responded.

  Lana remained silent. Archer finally decided that ultimately it didn't matter when he was told. The important thing was that Lana has given birth to a healthy baby girl -- his beautiful healthy baby girl.

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Who would have thought? Sterling Archer was willingly going to get married. And the bride was not even pregnant.

"Well, he's going to be someone else's problem now. " Lana mumbled to ... no one really. 

Anyone who was around Lana and Archer while they were a couple would agree; they weren't compatible.

Yet, Lana was far from relieved. Why?

"Because I actually love him," she whispered quietly enough so that the group didn't hear. 

She hated admitting it. Even more so, she didn't understand why. 

Archer cheated on her. He lied to her.  He was selfish (in more ways than one), immature, arrogant and even narcissistic at times.

As a couple, Lana and Archer argued over the smallest issue. Even after ending the relationship, the two continued to argue. Those arguments became slightly physical. Even one time they pulled guns on each other.

Lana had forgiven him for the lying and cheating.

However, it was clear: Sterling Archer was not her "Mister Right". 

She loved him anyway. 

Then Lana Kane remembered that Archer had done something. He had some of his sperm frozen.

Lana wondered, "Would Archer really want or need to kn --

Just then Lana's thoughts and Archer's impromptu wedding were interrupted by .... Cyborg Barry.

Chapter Text

Pam was able catch the agent and her daughter when the sleigh and snowmobile collided. Lana was nervous. A.J. didn't seem to share her mother's feelings, even calling the rescue "epic". As Lana kissed the child's cheek, A.J. looked to the side.

She called for daddy while running with her arms opened. Sadly Archer believed that A.J. was running toward Robert. Why wouldn't she? The old dude was the closest to a father his daughter probably remembers. 

It was Archer.  She ran to him. When he realized this, Archer kneeled and wrapped his arms around her as if he had been the one the abducted. Neither one bothered to break the hug.

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Lana was happy that A.J. recognized Archer as her father, but the job wasn't complete. She had something ( more like someone ) to take care of. Lana continued in the same direction that Peregrine did .

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Malory, still sitting on the snowmobile, silently observed Archer and A.J. Her son was holding his daughter for the first time in three years. And her without a camera.

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Father and daughter still were hugging Archer held his cheek to A.J.'s. and looked where there weren't any of his colleagues.

"You woke up," she cried.

"For you, baby girl, ... " Archer started to say but couldn't find the words to complete his thought.

The first part of A.J.'s rescue didn't go as well as imagined. The second part? That went a lot better . A few minutes went by before Archer saw Lana was gone. Reluctantly, he told his daughter to wait by Robert. He had to make sure Lana didn't do anything crazy.

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Back in the hotel lobby, A.J. was sitting on Archer's lap and telling the whole story in great detail. Malory had made yet again made a comment about her weight. Lana shot here a dirty look. Archer heard the comment and saw the look. Yet, he ignored both.

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As for Robert? No one really gave a shit.

Chapter Text

Archer and AJ sat silently at the picnic table with cotton candy. Archer had a nervous look on his face. AJ was about to ask if something was wrong.

Instead Archer asked AJ,
"Are you ready?"

AJ nodded. There one more thing that Archer to do before leaving the zoo.

Not too long after father and daughter were hurrying back to the car with another passenger: a gibbon.

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To this day, AJ had know idea how Archer stole the animal, but he did. He taken it back, or at least he said he did in his last letter. It had been a year she last saw her father. The two remained in contact, but nothing face to face. There was one other that she remembered about that day.

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Archer had pulled into the parking garage of the very building he had worked almost his entire life. Just a AJ unbuckled her belt, Archer spoke.

"Did you enjoy the zoo?" he asked her.

She answered in the affirmative and Archer smiled. It was the smile that he showed only to his daughter.

"AJ, sweetie, no matter what happens," he continued, "I need you to hold on this."
AJ was confused. What was "this" ?

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AJ had finally realized what "this" her father wanted her to remember; the day at the two spent at the zoo.

Chapter Text

Archer had been on Lana's back about legal guardians for A.J. in case something happened to them. So much do that he even wondered is it was a smart idea to be on the same plane. To add insult to injury, Archer was fully convinced that Conway Stern would only betray the the two for a second time.

Unfortunately Archer had been right. He took nearly a half dozen bullets to the back. Luckily Lana was able to stop Stern from getting the disk and help a still conscious Archer out of the building. Which was surprising considering that his back was covered in blood, and he was coughing up blood.

As Lana applies pressure to Archer's wounds, in back of a hurst, he once again brings up legal guardianship for A.J.

Finally, Lana gives the names of who she had already decided who will take care of her daughter. She tells him that she picked her parents. Although Archer agreed to the logic of her choice, he was highly disappointed.

As the vehicle was closer to the airstrip, Archer had slightly strange request.

"Make sure A.J. knows," he said in between coughs, "that I love her more than I would have ever thought I could."

"Dramatic as ever," Lana commented. "You can tell her that your .... " He suddenly went completely still.

"Archer? Archer?"

She checked his wrist and neck. "ARCHER !" She bellowed.

The father of her child had died in her arms.

Chapter Text

"Is Archer," Lana says.

This plan seems to work as expected until Ray points out one possible flaw. Lana didn't seem to worried saying that they were all "dudes". 

Ray had hoped that Archer didn't "snap" or something. Lana still didn't worry.

Many believed that Sterling Archer was an idiot to say the least; he wasn't. After hearing all the stories from every male employee, Archer realized one thing. That all the dudes' stories were in fact that -- stories.

Archer approached Lana. 

"All lies!" he practically yelled. 

That's when Lana told him it wasn't only to make Archer jealous, but also to have him know how see felt when he cheated on her. 

"It worked," Archer admitted.

Pam chimed in. "She did make some money. So, win-win?"

"How much money did you make with little scheme of yours?" Archer asked.

Before Lana could respond in any way, Pam gave the exact amount .

"Woooo! My Baby made some money!" Archer exclaimed while hugging and kissing Lana.

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She could have said "meet your father", but I suppose Lana had a reason for using my name instead . You know? Just like she had a reason for shipping A. J. to a boarding school without any of my input.

"Sleeping Beauty" was what A.J. called me, huh?

When Lana would bring her to the hospital, who would she say they were visiting? Because it couldn't have been the child's father if A.J. heard Lana say "sperm delivery device". Maybe that's all I was. Maybe, deep down, Lana didn't want me round A.J.

I guess I shouldn't be surprised. A.J. passed by me and hugged Robert.

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"Seriously? After everything that just happened? We're just going to leave her here?" I shout.

"This is her school, Archer," Lana shoots back. " 

"It's where she belongs," mother argued.

"Where she belongs? Mother, A.J. belongs with...." 

Dammit. She belongs with Me.

"... Lana!"

That's when Lana calmly suggested that I go with them to see the school for myself.

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"A.J. c'mon!" Another student yells.

Well, at least, it looks like A.J. has friends. Maybe she doesn't have the same experience I did.

Still though.

"...and you must be the man that was in the coma?" 

How did this woman know that I was in a coma?

"Abbiejean told us her mother's coworker as sleeping in the hospital. I, along with the rest of the teachers, just assumed she meant coma.

Mother's coworker.

That's how my daughter sees me.

Was it really just one time, Lana?

Chapter Text

It was my second week of talking to Dr Lacania.

In my first session I talked about mother, boarding school - schools, and yes, no father. I had started about Lana when Dr Lacania stopped me because 

"...our time is up," she said.

"How do you feel about this.... Lana today?"

"Confused," I answered.

"I am her child's father, " I said. Although she didn't tell me until after A.J. was born. " I would die for that little girl." Speaking of, I had no say in my daughter's guardians of anything were to happen to me and Lana.

Except A.J. wasn't a little girl anymore, she was in boarding school. 

"... something I never would have agreed to if Lana had only waited...." I paused. Waited for what? For me to wake up from a coma?

Admittedly It wouldn't have been fair to A.J. or Lana.

"...and you've asked Lana to marry you?" Dr. Lacania asked.

"Yup," I replied. Lana had rejected it.

"...rather lose the baby" was her official answer.

Apparently everyone "became happier" when I was in a coma. You would think that a mother would not like that sort of thing said about her son but.....

"We are out of time," was the next thing I heard from Dr. Lacania.

Chapter Text

The two agents were at Tuntmore Towers. Archer was is a tuxedo and Lana was in a wedding gown. 

Archer seeing Lana in a white strapless form-fitting dress like that was almost surreal. Don't get him wrong. It was beyond sexy as all hell; but surreal. That ring she wore definitely was not hurting.

"Spy craft," was his reason for having his hand on her ass. What should he have said? 

"Lana forget the mission because I just want to make you cum like you never have or ever will again?" Archer thought.

It wasn't just the her clothing. Her ass inexplicably is bigger; so were her breasts. 

The two had reached the honeymoon suite, and not a moment too soon. Archer knew Lana wouldn't agree to anything.He had to calm himself down. 

Fortunately, that was when he saw the hot tub. Archer did waist any time. He had finished filling the water when Lana reappeared. 

Lana exited the bathroom having changed in to a catsuit. Archer believed that Lana could wear anything, even literal garbage, and he would still be turned on by her. Although, if he was honest with himself, Archer preferred Lana in her birthday suit.

Form fitting was the wrong description for Lana's current outfit. All He could think about the two of them making each other cum over and over and over again untill the both passed out. The zipper was just open enough so that a hint of cleavage peaked out as if daring Archer to make a move. He couldn't however; he wouldn't. 

He may have loose morals, but damn it, he still has morals. Lana was still with Cyril whether he liked it or not.

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"And....the baby?" Archer asked.

"Absolutely perfect," she answered.

Right then Archer that something was up. He had never heard his mother say anything was perfect unless she was being sarcastic. Adding the word "absolutely" in front of it, well, that was just frightening. No, Malory knew something that she wasn't telling anyone, let alone him. 

He had to see Lana and her new born daughter for himself. 

Archer sat in the seat with a melon ball, staring at Lana and the baby. Lana cleared her throat and explained who was the her daughter's father. 

There is was. Malory, somehow, knew that he was Abbiejean's father.

Chapter Text

Archer, Dr. and Mrs. Kane were all in the hot tub, much to Archer's discomfort.  It didn't help that Mrs. Kane said that Lana wouldn't "approve". Fortunately for Archer, and everybody involved, Lana had returned .

"Are ya having a good time?" she asked Archer after seeing her parents and ex in the hot tub.

"We were just about to invite Archer to the reunion," Mr. Kane answered, "seeing as how you apparently couldn't."

Archer was confused. He and Lana weren't married (although the subject had crossed his mind). He knew that Lana's parents didn't think he was good enough for their daughter. If Archer was honest with himself, he shared that sentiment.

Back in the kitchen, Archer, Lana and Dr. Kana were talking about the reunion when they hear Mrs. Kane scream. Thinking it had to do with the baby, the three ran toward the source. Thankfully, it wasn't because of A.J. that Mrs. Kane screamed. She found the study to all but destroyed.

Lana heard car doors and, almost immediately, the four occupants had to hit the floor. Dr. Kane wasn't too happy to find out that, not only did Archer carry a gun, but Lana carried two bigger guns. He was even less happy to find out why. 

On the plane , Lana  apologized to Archer for not inviting him to the reunion. She extended the invitation and was shocked at his response.

"I think it would be best if you and A.J. go by yourselves," Archer said.

"Go by yourselves," Lana repeated as if she didn't understand what it meant.

"I won't know anyone else," he said.

"It's called meeting new-" she began, but Archer interrupted her.

"Plus, I mean c'mon Lana. We both know your parents think I'm....." 

Archer didn't want to finish the thought. If her father called Archer a "total idiot" in front of him, what was said privately? Not that Archer could blame the Kanes for their opinion of him.

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Here he was; Mister "World's Greatest Spy" unconscious and unmoving. I couldn't even pretend that he was just sleeping. Archer slept on his side, if not abdomen, and snored - very loudly. Now he was "sleeping" on his back and his mouth was closed. 

Archer's cyborg doppelganger got down on one knee by the pool.  What if it actually was Archer proposing? I actually don't know how I would have answered. Not that it mattered.

I don't understand. I don't understand why is jeopardized - everything - for that cougar of a woman.

"Like fifty," Archer kept insisting, like that was supposed to make it okay.

Dammit Archer! Why did you do it ? Why did you (once again) have to ruin what we had? 

Except now we also had a two year old daughter . She wasn't conceived in the way Archer would have preferred, but she was his.

Shit. A.J.

A.J. wouldn't know exactly what was going on, would she? Would she know that something was off? That someone was missing from her life?

Archer, please. If you are going to wake up, wake up before your daughter's next birthday.

Chapter Text

The two couldn't undress fast enough, and fortunately, for Archer, she was wearing a strapless hook-in-the-front bra. If perfect breasts were a thing, Lana had them.

It didn't matter if they were in a small room with only a sink to support them. Archer would gladly hold her the hold time. I didn't matter to Lana if the room was dirty. They two would just make it dirtier.

Archer had Lana laying (as much as one could be)on the sink. He was hold her head with his left hand and attacked her mouth with his. He slid is right hand down from her cheek to her right breast. He began kneading as if it was clay. All this and never letting go of her mouth. Lana could only moan and moan and ... moan.

It wasn't until Archer removed his mouth from Lana's that she could get a hold of his dick and guide it into her. Archer was glad she did. He pushed it slow for only a second before abandoning all gentleness. In one swift move, he rammed his dick into Lana. 

"Ahhhhhhh," she cried out.

Archer repeated and repeated this. Lana panted, moaned, 'oh'ed and 'ahhhh'ed the whole time. Archer knew that it wasn't enough for her, which meant it wasn't enough for him. 

Archer picked Lana up and put her on the floor. This freed his left hand. His once and played with her right breast and used is his left to rub another set of lips.

"Archer," she moaned. "More."

He was happy to oblige. Removing his left hand to her left breast and did the same as with the right.

"Yes, Archer, yes," she panted.

"I need room," Archer whispered. 

Lana knew what that meant. She spread her legs and he jammed his dick into her and continuously pumped her. 

"Yes, yes, yes!" 

Clearly Lana approved, but Archer wanted to try something new. 

"Come for me Lana," Archer said.

"Oh. Oh. I... I..." Lana begins. Archer captures her mouth with his once again muffling Lana's scream.

Archer releases her mouth but continues to pump and knead. Lana continues to moan and pant.

"Oh. Oh! OH! YES MASTER, YES!" Lana yelled.

That is when Archer finally stopped. He looked at her with surprise. Lana almost looked embarrassed. The couple never did any role play, but Archer decided that was the hottest thing Lana had ever said to him. Lana just hoped that no one heard her.