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It took an immense amount of courage to be our true self at any level, and even though it had been a long time coming for the younger Winchester, a self-revelation finally came around with the help of a close friend treated like the sister that never was. In the past few months especially, a hidden part had started to claw its way out of the deep grave it had been buried beneath and when it had finally resurfaced, Charlie had been the only one trusted enough to tell, and with a little bit of guidance it seemed right. Being around the red headed female gave the other so much confidence to physically appear in the correct clothing, but only in small doses since it did not seem the right time to confide in an older brother whose opinion on the matter at hand was unclear. Constantly, the thought entered and clung on until a bout of anxiety spiraled out of control, which only proved worse when unanswerable questions bombarded that had to be covered up while a series of hyperventilation slowed to normal breathing.
“Samantha?” a voice broke through the unending mental cycle focused on with too much effort, an air of concern obvious in the tone.
“Huh?”
“I can tell something’s on your mind,” she simply stated, “Do you want to talk about it?”
“Actually, I do.”
Nodding, the unoccupied calloused hand was taken into the small, but firm grip as the biological female led the other over to a secluded corner of the shopping center they made a point to visit on a regular basis together, an unoccupied spot quickly found as the two sat together as the plastic bags were set aside.
“I’ve considered letting Dean know the truth."
“That’s a big step, but I’m proud of you for wanting to face that fear.”
“I just don’t know how to bring it up,” the hunter remarked, a sheen of unshed tears collecting at the lashed threshold, “I’m so damned scared he’s going to reject me.”
“If you need me there for moral support, I gladly will be.”
“I think it’d add fuel to the fire, but I appreciate it.”
“I understand. Let me know how it goes if you go through with it, okay?”
“Of course.”
Pulled into a hug that lasted longer than expected, a chiseled chin rested against the bent shoulder, for even though it was a difficult thing to comprehend at least the physical contact was reassuring enough long after it had been broken, and the rest of the outing was spent returning to the parked vehicle that had been carpooled in. The surroundings went by in a blended blur while the interrupted train of thought resumed its course, yet it was finally decided on that it could not be waited on any longer if there was any hope of getting the transition process started.
Stomach twisting into knots after a farewell was uttered, the familiar path was taken to the hidden hatch that led into the underground dwelling at a slower rate as the right words were searched for, and finally found as the stairs were descended, the organ suddenly constricting once emerald eyes were caught glaring despite the dimmed room, arms crossed over notorious layers of fabric.
“We need to talk.”
“Well, that makes two of us.”
Unable to think straight, the feminine one made a move to speak first, yet it proved an act in vain as a flattened palm was raised to prevent any sound from coming out, “I thought we were past the lying, Sammy.”
“We are.”
“Then you wouldn’t mind telling me who this belongs to, and why you’re cheating on me?”
Confusion crumpled facial features clearly as a head tilted slightly until recognition came at the sight of a reddened bra dangling in the male’s hand once it had been picked up from its place on the couch, a deep sigh pushed out in an annoyed response. A paranoid feeling had eaten at her during the trip taken, but it had been dismissed due to being certain that the only other article in question had been carefully stowed away under a folded pile of boxers.
“I’m a little offended that you’d think that I would want anyone else, but it’s a fair assumption.”
“Will you stop being so cryptic?”
“If you want to know so badly, fine,” she retorted, a few of the plastic disks slipping from their assigned holes until the midsection was clearly visible, a similar undergarment in a darker shade revealed, “It’s mine.”
“Son of a bitch…”
“I was going to say something about it to you, but I didn’t know how.”
“Well, you learn something new every day.”
Glancing away, a sharp breath was taken in as if a punch to the gut had actually taken place, for it hurt at the same capacity, shrinking back at the attempted approach when a hand was placed gently underneath the lowered chin.
“Look, I’m sorry, that was a dick move,” Dean replied, an apology noticeable in those words, “Can we talk more about this, please?”
A single nod was given as the piece of furniture was moved to, a small distance kept between both as the courage to continue came, “I’m sure you have a few questions.”
“That’s an understatement.”
“And I want to be honest with you, so go ahead and ask them.”
Tentatively, the older one searched for the right words in order to not offend any further, taking longer than expected, “What name do I call you?”
“Samantha,” she replied, a twinge of guilt flitting through her as it was noticed that disappointment was attempted to be covered, “But, you can still call me Sammy.”
It seemed to cheer the predecessor up with that exception, which gave way to a discussion about the correct pronouns to use. Confidence could be felt through the younger sibling that the conversation was going better than expected, for it lasted even through the tougher topics brought up as it had been made clear that nothing was quite off limits.
“Would it be rude of me to ask if you plan to surgically transition?”
“Well, we are in a physical relationship,” she gave, pausing for a moment since future plans had not even been disclosed to the first person who had learned about her identity, “I do, but there’s the matter of finding a gender therapist, and not to mention the expenses…”
“Shh, we’ll find a way,” Dean soothed, pulling the opposite person into a curled lap when worry was clearly seen, a hand gently rubbing up and down the bent spinal column, “All that matters is that you’re happy, and if it means scouring the ends of the earth for someone who fits the bill then it will be done.”
There were no words that could possibly be said in order to show how deeply it was appreciated that a support system had already been developed long after the initial aftershocks had been worked out, the only form of communication being lips locked together for such a long moment that everything else slipped away just as it usually felt when a romantic gesture was exchanged.
“I’ll stop bombarding you with questions, you must’ve had a long day.”
“In a good way. Will you come with me, and cuddle?”
“Yes ma’am.”
A southern drawl came with those words that was hard to ignore, for it was known that those little idiosyncrasies were certain to turn the receiver on, and even though it would not work this time it was appreciated. Not waiting for him to follow, Samantha left for the shared bedroom in order to get into comfortable clothing suited for lazily lounging with a significant other, only to be startled by the body laid on the covered mattress without a sound to alert of his presence.
“Sorry, didn’t mean to stare.”
“Nothing to apologize for.” she confirmed, the metallic links of the brassiere unhooked and put away so as not to wear it longer than necessary, a tightened shirt shrugged on before the padded piece of furniture dipped beneath her weight as a cheek nestled against the broadened chest as the comforter draped over their bodies, a strengthened arm wrapped protectively around her middle.
“Do you mind keeping it above the waist?”
“Of course not, I wouldn’t want to make you uncomfortable.”
A content sigh was let out as skilled fingers combed gently through the elongated strands of hair, the cupped palm leaned into to initiate more loving touches that were rarely given so openly. The rhythm was enough to ease the female into drowsiness, yet it was fought against with every ounce of strength until a simple peck was pressed against a slightly crumpled forehead, finalizing the fight against unconsciousness.
Waking up alone in the drowning sea of sheets was never easy, for it was when the female was more susceptible to wanton thoughts despite the attempts to ignore the attack. Suddenly, a mental rut was caught in at the mere consideration of being left, muscles tensed as breaths were taken in, and pushed out quickly, unable to stop even when the other’s presence was obvious, fingers entwined with the nearest hand while a thumb stroked at the rough skin until a calmed reaction replaced such franticness.
“Talk to me, baby, what’s wrong?”
“Why have you been so supportive in the first place? I expected at least a joke from you.”
“You want the truth?,” he asked, the fear-filled hazel eyes stared into without missing a beat, “I thought about it, but I overheard what you said to Charlie about how me not being accepting was your biggest fear, and I couldn’t bear to bring that on you with everything else.”
“A-are you going to leave me?”
“Not on your life, little sister,” he declared, a firmed squeeze given to the palm held, “Is that all?”
“No, but it can be dealt with.” she blushed at the confused look, a lowered chin gesturing to the covered physical features that antagonized through dysphoria on a daily basis.
“I may have the solution to making it less of a problem. I did some research while you were sleeping and found a gender therapist in the next state over.”
For a moment she was speechless at the fact that the other had gone out of his way to research such an important issue, unable to prevent exact emotions from being expressed as lengthened limbs wrapped around the other, pressing into the firm torso until the crushing realization came down harshly that neither had enough funds saved up for the steps needed to be taken in the right direction.
“We can’t cover the expenses though.”
“That’s what you think,” the elder stated, a faint blush rising as it was noticed how the hazel eyes beckoned to learn more, “It turns out that it’s an old friend of ours.”
It made sense, for the celestial being wanted nothing more than to assist mankind after abandoning the only home ever known. It seemed fitting that it would be a familiar face visited during the next few months although it did not seem appropriate to expect the sessions without a fee paid, but that would be worked out in time, “When do we go see him?”
“It’s up to you,” he confirmed, the reddened flesh deepening in color, “I feel like I’ve overstepped some boundaries.”
“It’d be different if you went ahead and made the appointment for me without alerting me, but no. All you’re doing is trying to help further the process along.”
Relief replaced the look of regret as it was confirmed that his intentions were in the right place, “I’d still like to make it up to you.”
“You already have by being here,” she confirmed, a light peck meant to be placed on a chiseled jawline missing its target as the other turned, their lips interlocking for what seemed like an eternity, “But, if you’re so deadest on repaying me, you can continue doing what you do best.”
“Whatever it takes.”
It was a rarity that such a positively strengthened reaction filled the soul entirely, for there had not been any reason for it to appear for long, yet it seemed long overdue. Now, there seemed to be a multitude while such a situation had been smoothened with an erosion of acceptance, which proved that a way would really be sought after to make dreams a reality instead of letting it idly slip through the cracks.
The shared mattresses edge was perched on as the female fingered the fabric that made up the few articles of clothing bought. At first, it had been decided to put them away until the full transition was complete, but a change of mind had been put in place once she had told the significant other that it was time to visit the clinic researched a few days prior. A huge sigh was released without thinking about it, an effort being worked up to shrug the black and white splotched blouse onto broadened shoulders in order to complete the outfit consisting of a black skirt and flats in the same shade.
“Are you ready to go?”
“Not yet.”
Noticeable without looking up, a few footfalls fell on the floor until the padded piece of furniture dipped under the added weight while an arm snaked around the slightly bent neck straightened out as the chin was raised by a set of fingertips, “What’s the hold up, hon?”
“It’s embarrassing, but I never looked at myself when trying these on,” she stated, pausing for a moment in case a chuckle should be released, “What if someone says something about it?”
“They’ll be too busy dealing with a broken nose if they so much as look at you the wrong way.”
Unable to help it, a smile immediately lifted lowered spirits as the garment was finally pulled into place, a sharp inhale taken by the other as she was evaluated before a hand wrapped around a loose hanging sleeve, tugging gently to get her to follow. Silently, she complied with being led into the bathroom, the leader stepping behind as appendages wrapped around a firmed middle; the interaction was ignored as the sight was completely taken in, the curves left unnoticed were now well defined under the monochromatic clothing.
“See? You look beautiful, baby girl.”
Not knowing what to say, the tip of a nose nudged into a softened cheek that hovered closely by, exact emotions coming across in a silent acceptance meaning more than words could ever communicate. Lifting from the assumed position, a weight was removed as the piercing green gaze never left her own, an encouraging smile lighting a fire of determination despite how daunting the task at hand seemed to be, “Let’s do this.”
“That’s my Sammy.”
It did not take long for both to finish getting readied for the trip about to be taken toward the first of many steps needed to progress this further, a slight tremor present in the female as the notorious vehicle was approached, the handle gripped a little too tightly as it was swung open to allow an entrance into the passenger’s seat. In a comforting way, the engine purred into life as the makeshift driveway was backed out of, the slightly cracked pavement replacing the softened ground used to while a familiar song by the Killers filled the surrounding space.
“Well, somebody told me you had a boyfriend who looked like a girlfriend…” sang the older Winchester quietly sang along, the tune trailed off once it was realized the self-interpreted implications could be misconstrued, an air of awkwardness settling between the two for the duration of the music.
“It’s just a part of the song, Dean, there’s no need to get flustered.”
“Well, I didn’t want you to get offended.”
“I’ve got a thicker skin than it seems. Besides, it’s actually a little enlightening,” she stated, going on to explain once a questioning look was shot in her direction before returning to the road, “I mean, that’s what I’m aiming for, to look like a woman, to be my authentic self.”
“I get it,” a palm flattened over the slightly exposed thigh, “Old habits die hard, I guess, being your overprotective big brother and all.”
“Your heart is in the right place, and I couldn’t ask for more.”
Truthfully, there were a few things that needed to be adjusted to by both of them instead of just the male sitting adjacent from her, but that part of the conversation would present itself when the time was right. For now, nothing felt better than being on the road again after months of not a single case being brought up, the passing scenery glanced at with that similar spark from earlier growing in size as it fed off of the energy felt from the adjacent person, for through thick and thin they were in it together, as no price was too high when it came to protecting the true happiness needed to be released.