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Chapter Text

This isn’t what he wanted.

Desperate hands cradled his father’s dying body as he pleaded for him to live. To stay . Pain-laced words of encouragement to destroy the embodiment of darkness hardly reached Lloyd’s ears. He clung to his father, not ready to face his failures. The Overlord’s promise that he would join his father soon enough barely registered. But when they did…

Something snapped.

How dare he say that. How dare he destroy everything he held dear. How dare he keep coming back after every time they think they have taken him down for good. 

Lloyd lost control.

He didn’t even bother to try and recognize the violet power wreathing around him. He didn’t even bother to react to the pain he was experiencing. All he wanted was to direct his grief and rage at the Overlord. The Crystal King. Damn him and his ridiculous amount of names. 

Lloyd stood, completely unaware of the changes to himself, and faced his enemy. He snarled, sending blast after blast out of his hands. He felt more power surging within him from the satisfaction of seeing the Overlord begin to crumple. 

He couldn’t think. His rage wouldn’t let him. All he knew was to attack. To DESTROY-

His gaze snapped to a figure reflected in a crystal. Gold skin, ivory horns, four arms. It was an oni…? But oni weren’t-

Oh. It was him. He was an-

Lloyd jolted out of his sleep with a startled gasp. 

He immediately sensed phantom pains in his torso and head, and clutched his arms around himself in an effort to quell it, drawing in an unstable breath. He blinked repeatedly, trying to recognize his surroundings. Once he realized he was in his room, he scrambled over to his mirror, wincing at the pain in his sides.

Breathing heavily, he looked over himself in the mirror.

Two arms, not four. No horns. No tail. No purple oni powers. His skin was glistened with sweat from his nightmare, but at least it wasn’t gold. He found it odd, the way his body presented itself in… that form, it utilized the colour typically only reserved for Creation. Not Destruction.

Lloyd huffed, reminded of the fact that even when he was the Golden Ninja, inheriting the powers of the First Spinjitzu Master, he did more harm than good. He shook his head to clear his thoughts, not wanting to delve into that mess again.

He returned his attention to the mirror. Breath still a bit shaky, he felt satisfied at the fact that he looked human. For now-

He sighed, running a tired hand through his hair. He closed his eyes and tried to collect himself fully.

…What time even was it? He opened his eyes and glanced at the clock beside his bed that displayed a number relatively close to four in the morning. His face scrunched in annoyance. He sighed again and dragged himself away from the mirror. There was no way he was going to be able to sleep again, so he might as well do something useful. Or at least pretend to.

He exited his room and walked through the monastery halls. It’d been about a week since the overlord was defeated ( Again… He thought bitterly) and the repairs being conducted on the monastery were almost finished. So many friends and citizens had come to help, and the main structure of the building was completed in record time.

Lloyd entered the kitchen and grabbed a cup from a nearby cupboard. Green, like him. He smiled a bit at the reminder that the ninja liked to colour code most of their things. He sighed and moved over to the sink, turning the faucet handle to allow water into his cup. He lifted the cup to his face and took a sip, glancing out the window as he did.

The sky was only just beginning to light up, so it wouldn’t be too unreasonable to do some training. Or maybe just use training as an excuse to why he was up so early. He finished his water, grateful that the sustenance helped to compose himself a little, and began walking towards the doors to the monastery.

Lloyd stepped outside and moved to activate the training course, then stopped. He mentally cursed as he realized he forgot that it still hadn’t had repairs done. Although the main building of the monastery was completed, the training course hadn't been redone yet. 

He grit his teeth. He couldn't even vent his frustrations properly! Lest even pretend to be training!

He kicked a stray pebble and strolled over to the front gates of the monastery. He had to clear his head, and if it wasn't in the monastery then that's fine, he'd find another way. He pried open the gates, cringing at the loud creak it made, and slipped through the tiniest gap he could fit in.

His eyes caught on the large tree just outside the gates. That would do fine. Just pretend it's a piece of training equipment. He glanced back through the gap to make sure no one was out yet, then set off towards the tree. Sighing, he took up position just in front of the tree, and silently apologized for what he was about to do.

He went through his different exercises, striking the tree at various angles. A dull ache spread throughout where he made contact, but he brushed it off. He needed this. But despite his best efforts, the thoughts he'd been pushing away started creeping in.

He could have been better. Punch. He should have gone through with it without his fa- Garmadon traumatizing him with a fake death. Kick. He didn’t even want to be like him. Jab. Sure everyone was all happy after they saved the day but no no no. Punch. He started this whole mess and everything was all his fucking fault-

“-oyd? Lloyd, are you okay?” A voice called out. 

He instantly snapped out of his haze and blinked his eyes to focus on the figure in front of him. It was Kai. The fire ninja was standing with his hand slightly outstretched, as if hesitant to touch him. Lloyd looked around, eyes widening as he realized that the sky was significantly brighter than when he started. He struggled with words for a moment.

“H-Huh? What time is it?” He asked, also noticing that the areas where he struck the tree were completely debarked. Kai sighed.

“It’s like… almost six am, dude.” Kai frowned, looking down at Lloyd’s hands, which were now bleeding. He looked back up, taking in the younger’s disheveled appearance. “You didn’t answer the question, green bean. Are you okay? You know you can talk to me if you need.”

Lloyd managed a smile. “I’m fine. Just doing a bit of training is all.” He replied. He knows that Kai worries about him a lot, but he feels like he can’t trust anybody with this at the moment. If he could just play it off that he was fine, then-

“Are you sure? Because you look-”

“I said I’m fine , Kai.” Lloyd snapped. He saw Kai’s eyes widen, and knew that a million thoughts were running through his head. There was a look of hurt in his eyes, which Lloyd pretended not to notice. Kai inhaled slowly, then spoke after a moment’s pause.

“Okay. I’ll uhh… leave you to it. Just… I’m always there to talk, okay?” Lloyd nodded, and Kai turned around to leave, albeit hesitantly. 

Lloyd stared after him as he left. That was weird, he never snapped that easily. Especially not when someone was being genuinely concerned. Having his training interrupted shouldn’t have given him that reaction. An uncomfortable feeling of guilt stirred in his gut, and he watched as Kai stepped back through the monastery gates. He took a small step forward, unsure of if he should apologize or not.

“Kill him.”

The thought came so instantly and suddenly that Lloyd had to physically hold himself back. He immediately berated himself for the thought and felt sick. He would never hurt his brother. His mind reeled as he tried to figure out what the fuck that was. He leaned against the tree for support. His hand slipping on a debarked part of the trunk yanked him out of his head. He stumbled, but caught himself on a rougher part of the tree in time. His gaze casted downwards, noticing small drops of blood had spattered onto the ground. He looked at his hands, taking in the bruised and bleeding knuckles. He sighed. Maybe he shouldn’t have picked a tree as the best thing to practice on. He ran a hand through his hair and closed his eyes. He’ll need to clean himself up before breakfast.

And with that, Lloyd headed back into the monastery.

—

It wasn’t too difficult for him to sneak back in and avoid any of the others who were awake, he was a ninja after all. It didn’t take him long to go to the medical area, clean his wounds, bandage them, and head to the common room pretending that he just woke up.

Of course, Kai was there, and despite his head begging him to apologize, he simply ignored him.

Eventually, any remaining ninja slowly trickled in for breakfast, which led to the current conversation.

“Why am I green apple? Can’t I be like… mint or something?” Lloyd asked, lifting a spoonful of Ninja-o’s from his bowl. Jay whipped his head around to face Lloyd, making an offended noise.

“Wha- in a fruit cereal?!” The blue ninja exclaimed.

“Okay, but there’s no white fruit.”

“They made Zane lemon, for some reason.” Cole interjected. 

Jay looked up at him in astonishment. “But that’s yellow !” He cried.

Lloyd listened to them banter for a moment before returning his attention to his cereal. He felt someone’s gaze on him and glanced up. Kai was looking at him, expression not matching the energy in the room. Lloyd was reminded of earlier that day and dropped his gaze. Appetite gone, he watched the remaining loops of cereal float around in his bowl.

“They are all being annoying. End them.”

Lloyd gripped his bowl and swallowed harshly, willing that thought to go back to whatever dark corner of his mind it came from. He looked at his bandaged hands and flexed his fingers, stifling a gasp when it caused a twinge. He suppressed a sigh. He wanted to know why the fuck his brain was giving him these thoughts when he’s never had a problem with it much before. He looked back up at Kai again, noticing him opening and closing his mouth as if he wanted to say something, when PIXAL walked into the room at a hurried pace. 

“Everyone, we have received word that several uncaptured members of the Crystal Council were spotted in Ninjago City.” She explained. 

Everyone immediately leapt from their seats, and choruses of “who”s and “where”s rung out. She took a moment to regard the reactions before responding.

“We do not know who exactly, but it cannot be Mr. F, as he was destroyed in the conflict with the Crystal King,” Lloyd sneered at the mention of the Overlord. “-Though for the location, they were sighted near Borg Tower.” PIXAL finished.

Nya sighed. “Of course, because literally every villain targets that building in particular.” Everyone nodded in agreement.

“So, who’s ready to go out and kick ass?” Jay said, grinning. Everyone loudly voiced their agreement. Zane pointedly looked at Jay for the language, but agreed nonetheless. 

The ninja all practically bolted out of the dining area, leaving their dishes where they were (Sensei Wu would be very upset). As Lloyd was about to leave the room, Kai stopped him by grabbing his shoulder. Lloyd turned around with a sigh and faced the red ninja.

“Look, Lloyd-”

“I get it, you’re worried about me. But, I’m fine , I promise.” Lloyd shrugged Kai’s hand off his shoulder and quickly left the room, leaving no chance for him to argue. Once again, he felt guilt burning within him at the unnecessary aggression. He never did this. Especially not with Kai. What was going on with him? And why now? Sure, he has been through tough shit, but he’s always gotten through it. He shook his head to clear his thoughts and rushed to go get ready with the others. 

—

To say that Lloyd was a bit distracted during the mission was an understatement.

When they were taking their vehicles to the city, Lloyd barely heard the conversations between the others. He hardly even registered when his name was called. And on the times he did, he couldn’t bring himself to respond. And every time he didn’t respond, he would shrink further into his seat and question why he was acting so weird lately even more. He had let the others take the lead, and blindly followed them as city lights and buildings blurred past.

When they got to their destination, he couldn’t even figure out how to go about their plan of attack. He simply stood there blankly as the other ninja stared at him. 

“Lloyd… are you okay?” One of them asked. He wasn’t sure who. It brought him back into focus, though. He blinked a few times and looked at his team.

“Hmm? Oh, yeah. Just a bit distracted. Uhh… just do what we usually do?” He replied, voice higher in pitch due to uncertainty. The ninja looked at him for a moment more, unsure of his answer, but didn’t question further as they had more important things to worry about.

Right… more important. Lloyd thought. He shook his head and followed the others into action.

The first villain they spotted was Aspheera, who, naturally, was spouting some nonsense about revenge. Lloyd had to hold back a sarcastic laugh, knowing that it would not be appropriate for the situation. The ninja jumped forward, throwing out quips and weapons alike. A couple more Crystal Council members joined the fray. The clanging of metal sounding throughout the area.

Where is…

Lloyd caught a glimpse of someone fleeing into a nearby alleyway. He figured it was another member of the Crystal Council, and therefore felt the urge to follow.

“Someone ran off, I’ll go sort it out!” He called to his teammates. He ran to the entrance of the alleyway he saw the figure disappear through. His chest tightened. Why was he nervous? He could beat any of them. He reached the alley and was met with… nothing. The dimly lit alleyway had not a single person visible. He tilted his head in confusion, before noticing another branch of the alley not too far ahead.

He began running again. He will catch them. He refuses to let Ninjago suffer anymore. His steps echoed throughout the alleyway, puddles splashing, pebbles getting kicked away. His breathing picked up and his chest tightened again. Why? He rounded the corner-

And came face to face with Harumi.

Chapter Text

“...Harumi?” Lloyd spoke cautiously. The white haired girl chuckled in response, then drew a sword, running her non-wielding hand over the blade.

“Oh, Lloyd. Did you miss me?” She smirked, locking her gaze onto Lloyd's vibrant green eyes. Lloyd remained frozen at the entrance of the alleyway branch. His mind reeled and his chest tightened at the mere sight of her. But hearing her false affectionate voice again… it fueled a frustration deep within him that was desperate to claw its way out. He drew in an unsteady breath and began pouring out the foremost thoughts he needed to get out.

“What… What are you doing here? Didn't you help us…? Why are you back with them again?” He questioned. Harumi hummed and shifted her gaze back to her sword. She stepped forward, wearing a kind smile that Lloyd knew was fake. A mask, just like the ones she claimed to wear for years.

“Yes, I did help you defeat the Overlord.” Her eyes hardened. “But I am my own person, and I still have plans.” She explained.

“But, Harumi-”

“I will never be on the same side as those pesky ninjas you think are your family .” She seethed, pointing her sword at Lloyd, then relaxed. “But you … You are powerful. You could be doing so much more without them.”

“I… I…” Lloyd tried for words, but failed. Harumi sheathed her sword and stepped closer, eventually shifting to behind him. She ran a soft hand through his blond hair, and muttered something next to his ear.

“And, it would not be too difficult to get you on my side. After all, you love me.”

Lloyd grit his teeth and pushed her away. “No! That changed when you tried to kill my family. I could never love a… a monster like you !” He spat. 

His bandaged hand twitched as he felt power building in his fingertips. He felt it course through his veins as it fought to break free. Unbeknownst to him, a sickeningly familiar shade of purple flickered over his eyes.

Harumi frowned. “Oh, so naive, trying to cling to the ways of good. Perhaps I could bring back someone else. Someone who knows a lot about destruction…” She trailed off. She cast a glance at Lloyd again, mouth curving upwards in a smile. “...Lord Garmadon.” She finished.

Lloyd twitched.

“What? No, you can’t! He’s with us!” The pressure building within him grew.

Harumi hummed in thought. “That may be, but I am sure it won’t take too long to change him. Especially as it is in his nature.” Lloyd saw purple red. “It won’t be long before you will have to fight against him once again.”

“Silence her.”

Lloyd gave in.

The dam holding his building frustration and rage broke, and he was instantly thrown out of control. He was vaguely aware of his body changing, as well as the seemingly distant screams. Whether it was from him, or from the girl in front of him, he didn’t know. He heard pleads, which swiftly turned to louder screams. His body moved on its own, seeking out to destroy the cause of his rage. He processed glimpses of purple and gold, but thought nothing of it.

He needed this. He needed Harumi to just shut the fuck up for once. The screaming had stopped, but his anger didn’t. He continued thrashing and ripping. He didn’t know how far he was going. 

He thought about when Harumi pretended to be a so-called ‘damsel in distress’. Jab . About how she toyed with him and made him feel things he should not. Slice . When she revealed her identity to him after he thought she was dead. Slash. When she made him believe his family was dead. Tear . He was sick of it. Sick of her .

After a few moments, his movements slowed. He felt himself shifting back to normal.

“Well done.” A voice echoed in his head.

He became aware of his breathing as his senses came back to him. He blinked a few times and took a moment to collect himself fully. He stood up with a shaky breath, and looked over at where Harumi was. A choked noise escaped his throat and his eyes widened as he took in the sight in front of him.

There were several claw marks on her forehead, making it impossible to distinguish blood from make-up. Her long white hair was stained from the blood. One of her eyes was ripped out and crushed, discarded just beside her head. The other eye was a dull reflection of fear and pain. Her mouth was open in a silent scream, rivers of blood still pouring out from it. 

The worst was yet to come. He forced his eyes lower…

Aside from the several slash wounds across her limbs, there was a gaping hole torn into her torso. There were various organs- were those intestines?- ripped up and spilling across her body. The white bone of ribs was visible underneath the blood staining it. Parts of the lungs and stomach were shredded, along with several other organs he couldn’t care to identify. And to top it all off? There was a vast pool of blood still expanding from beneath her body.

Lloyd felt sick.

He stumbled backwards, leaning one hand against the wall as bile forced its way up his throat. His stomach clenched and he emptied the contents of it onto the alleyway ground. He screwed his eyes shut, not wanting to risk any glance at what he did. He continued dry-heaving for a minute, spitting out bile as he did so. He whimpered as the nausea wouldn’t go away, feeling a headache pounding through his skull. His hand gripped the wall tighter as he felt his legs shake.

He was on the ground. When did he get on the ground? His chest hurt. He can’t breathe. Why can’t he breathe? He can’t hear himself breathing. If he opened his eyes, would the world be spinning and blurry? He didn’t want to check. Eventually, he was able to hear his rushed breathing again, and pushed himself to a stand. After a moment, he collected himself enough and pressed a shaky hand to his comms.

“Is… Is everyone okay? What happened?” He asked.

“Lloyd! Are you okay?” “We took care of those dirty trouble-makers. They’re off to Kryptarium.” “What happened to that person you were following?”

He exhaled shakily. “I’m fine. They… got away. You guys head back to the monastery, and I’ll meet you there, okay?” He asked, praying they wouldn’t question him further. He didn’t think he could handle even ten more seconds of conversation.

Much to his luck, the other ninja did not question it. Though, there were a couple comments, mostly from Kai.

He sighed, headache still present and spinning, and began walking back out of the alley. He carefully avoided the puddle beneath his feet, looking as far away from it as possible. His chest tightened and his breathing picked up.

No. Not now.

He forced himself to keep walking, eventually stopping at the entrance to the alleyway. He peeked his head around the corner in time to the ninja leaving the area around Borg Tower with their vehicles. Good.

He quickly strode over to his vehicle and hopped in the seat, leaning his head on his arms against the wheel. He sighed again.

Fuck… He thought.

He didn’t know why he did that. He didn’t know why his oni leapt out so easily like that. It didn’t make sense that Harumi voicing a few anger-inducing words could trigger the same reaction that witnessing a (fake)death did. In fact, as he thought about it, he had been acting more irritable as of late. But that still doesn’t excuse what he just did. Lloyd didn’t want to kill her… did he?

He mentally slapped himself and turned on the ignition. This was not the place to have a crisis.

He slammed his foot on the gas pedal and sped his way through the city, disobeying several road laws as he did. Especially speed limits. Sure, he said that the others could leave without him, but damn him if he was going to let them get home first.

—

Lloyd made it to the monastery first.

He scrambled to get out of the vehicle and bolted towards the elevator up to the monastery. His patience grew thin as the elevator took its time ascending. He could feel his gi weighed down by Harumi’s blood and needed it off .

As soon as the doors opened he sprinted towards the bathroom, opened the door, and slammed it shut. Locked. Shaky hands struggled to remove the top layer of his gi, but eventually he got it undone and threw it into the sink. He turned the faucet handle and let cold water run into the sink, and began scrubbing frantically. The water turned red, but brown-ish red stains still covered the once green colour of his gi.

Fuck fuck FUCK! It won’t come off! Lloyd felt tears prick in his eyes.

It wasn’t going to work. The others would be home soon and he needed to do something. Luckily, his mind supplied him with the knowledge that he had a spare gi. PIXAL had given them all a spare “because you all tend to ruin yours so quickly”. He wiped the tears from his eyes. When he pulled his hand away, he noticed a smear of blood. He cursed as he realized he would have to wash his face. He quickly made his way to his room, picked out his spare gi, and returned to the bathroom. Refusing to look at himself in the mirror, Lloyd washed his face and any other part that had blood on it. 

He heard a commotion from the room with the elevator entrance. He quickly put on his spare and in a panic, threw the bloodied gi out of the window, down to the bottom of the mountain where it will (hopefully) never be found. He left the bathroom and prayed that there was no blood left on him.

As he expected, when he entered the common room, all eyes turned to him.

“Lloyd! How'd you get here before us?” Nya asked.

Lie. “I was wondering the same thing! I took a different route, I guess it's faster?” He shrugged. Nya made an “oh” shape with her mouth, and the other ninja bought his response as well. Small conversation arose between the ninja, and Lloyd mentally cheered at the fact he had managed to dodge the question and look normal. He glanced over each one of them in turn, noting their relaxed faces as they began to go about their day. That is, until he set eyes on Kai.

Kai was looking at him with a concerned expression. Lloyd realized that he did not buy the excuse at all . An uncomfortable feeling stirred in his gut as he picked at the bandages on his hand. What if he looked too closely? What if there was a tiny spot of blood that he missed and Kai noticed? He took a slow, shaky inhale and returned his attention to him. The fire ninja wasn't saying, or doing anything. Lloyd realized that he was waiting until everyone else left the room. Sure enough, once the other ninja left the room to do whatever they were going to do, Kai turned to Lloyd and took a steady inhale.

“Lloyd,” He began.

Uh oh…

Kai took a few steps forward. “I'm worried about you, bud.” He put both hands on Lloyd's shoulders and forced him to look at him, gaze softening. “There's something bothering you, and you need to tell me, or even someone , what's happening. Okay?”

Lloyd used a tremendous effort to avoid lashing out. “Kai… I…” Killed her. “...think it's just the post-battle stress not leaving me yet. I just… need some time, then I'll be back to normal. I'm fine, really.” He searched his brother's eyes, looking for any hint of disbelief.

Kai nodded. “Okay, I understand. But if there's anything-”

Lloyd subtly grit his teeth. “Yes! I know. Just.. let me be for the rest of the day?” He asked, forcibly softening his expression to get Kai to leave him alone.

“Aright, greenie.” Kai smiled, then pulled him into a hug. He ruffled Lloyd's hair with one of his hands, a classic Kai comfort move. “I'll be here if you need anything.” He said gently. Lloyd pulled away.

“I know.”

Lloyd left, making his way to his room and locking himself away, pretending that he doesn't exist.

—

Lloyd had spent the last several hours trying to forget what he did. He was lying on his bed, eyes to the ceiling. The bed was green, much like practically everything else in the room. Green. He resisted the urge to laugh. The Green Ninja would never murder someone.

Stop that. That's remembering. Forget.

He clenched the sheets around him with one hand, continually berating himself for thinking about that . 

He was brought out of his head from a knock on his door.

“Lloyd? You should come out, Zane made dinner.” A voice which sounded like Nya's called through the door.

Lloyd sighed. He took a moment to banish his negative thoughts into the farthest reaches of his brain, before sitting up on his bed, feet dangling over the sides. He had skipped lunch, though he wasn't hungry. He shrugged, thinking that maybe seeing the food would help his appetite.

He stood up and opened the door, being greeted by a smiling Nya. Together, they walked to the dining area. Nya tried to make small talk, but Lloyd only responded with noncommittal hums or nods. They reached their destination, and sat down at their designated seats. He gazed down at the plate in front of him.

It was simple. Pasta with tomato sauce. Unlike what he hoped, the food did not make him feel hungry. He suppressed a sigh and figured he should eat it anyway. Besides, he didn't want to be rude and not eat it. He lifted his fork and forced himself to take a few bites.

He could hear his family engaging in one or two conversations around him. Over time, the sound began to blur. He dismissed that realization and looked down at his food again. He spent too long looking at it. The sauce began to look like blood and the pasta looked like the ripped up-

He couldn't bring himself to eat it anymore. His stomach twisted and his fork slipped out of his hand, landing on the table with a clunk. His chest tightened.

No no no no no not now!

He quickly stood up, muttered a soft “excuse me” and made a beeline for the bathroom. He ignored his family's shouts from behind him.

He could feel his breath catch as each hurried step seemed to take more out of him. And for the second time that day, Lloyd pushed the bathroom door open and slammed it shut, locking it. He stared at himself in the mirror. And oh, he wished he didn't.

His eyes were wide and terrified. Even though he knew it wasn't there, he could still feel the blood coating him: warm, sticky, choking . His heart was racing. He couldn't breathe. The figure in the mirror was shaking so hard it blurred, or was it the tears affecting his vision? He wiped his eyes and when he looked at himself again he could swear there was blood. Everywhere. The reality of his actions slammed into him at full force. Why did he do it? What's wrong with him? Why did he kill her? Why-

Lloyd punched the mirror.

The glass immediately shattered at the hit, leaving his reflection broken and even more horrible than before. He caught a glimpse of purple in the shards of the mirror and almost screamed . He collapsed to the ground, clutching his head as sobs wracked his body.

He was completely and utterly fucked.

Chapter Text

Unsurprisingly, the sound of glass shattering alerted everyone in the monastery.

Lloyd could hear the banging on the door and the others yelling his name. And frankly, he couldn’t care less. The only thing he cared about was the fact that he killed someone. 

“She deserved it.” Lloyd wilted at the sound of the voice. The one that told him to do it.

“Please… leave me alone..” He whispered. The noise around him seemed muffled and deafening at the same time. He didn’t know if his family heard what he said or not, but judging by the fact that they seemed to be trying more desperately to open the bathroom door, they did.

He peeked his eyes through his hands, staring at the door as it shook. The tears stopped, so his vision wasn’t as blurry as before. Come to think of it, he wasn’t breathing as hard either. Why isn’t he freaking out? Was he… beginning to accept what he did? Dread pooled in his stomach at the thought.

The voice had the audacity to laugh at his revelation. It laughed.  

Lloyd grit his teeth as the sound of his family's shouts grew more audible. Couldn’t they just leave him alone? He was fine . Why do they always have to stick their noses in his business?

He froze. What was that ? He never held resentment towards his family like that. He always appreciated their help. He shook himself and stood up. He might as well explain to them that he was perfectly normal and most definitely okay.

“Yes, go out and do that. It will most certainly go over just fine.” The voice's tone was full of mockery.

Fuck off. He shot back.

He leant both arms against the sink, staring into his reflection in the broken mirror. Blond hair unkempt, noticeable bags under his eyes, no blood. He sighed in relief as he saw that his eyes weren’t purple, then quickly scowled as he noticed that they were a faded green. Dull. Like the joy behind them vanished.

“You got that right.” Lloyd hit his head with one palm, hoping that the voice would just shut up . He narrowed his eyes and returned his attention to the bathroom door. The others had ceased with their merciless pounding on the poor door, and resorted to just calling for him instead.

Lloyd took a steady inhale and opened the door.

He was immediately bombarded with several “are you okay?”s and “what happened?”s, along with other questions. He grit his teeth at the sudden noise. Would it kill them to just speak one at a time? He obviously just had a breakdown, don’t they know to keep quiet?

No. They’re not being annoying. They’re just worried. He tried to convince himself. He felt a hand grip his arm. It was Nya.

“Lloyd? What’s going on? What-” She looked down at his hand, and her eyes widened. When he punched the mirror, the glass had cut through his bandages, so that blood was now slowly leaking out. “You’re hurt! Here, let’s go get you patched up, and then you can tell us what’s happening.”

Lloyd ripped his arm out of her grasp. “No. I’m fine .” He insisted. The others exchanged very doubtful looks. Kai stepped forward, gaze hardening.

“No, you’re not. You’ve not just been avoiding me, but everyone else today. You’re not acting like yourself. Something’s up, and don’t think you can lie.” The red ninja crossed his arms and looked closely at Lloyd. The rest of the ninja all nodded their heads in agreement. Lloyd sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose.

“I already told you. I’m just still feeling that post-battle stress. I’m-”

“What did you do?” Kai asked.

The question made Lloyd falter. He blinked, and felt words catch in his throat. Did they know? Did they figure out what he did? No, they couldn’t have. And yet-

His breath caught and his eyes watered. “I didn’t- I didn’t mean to-” Then his eyes narrowed, breathing steadier. “It’s nothing. I’m fine.”

“Lloyd-”

Lloyd snarled. Why can’t they just leave it alone? He lashed out with his claws- claws? - at Kai. The fire ninja screamed as he was hit. Lloyd’s eyes widened as he realized what just happened. He snapped his gaze to his hand. His chest tightened as he noticed purple oni power wreathing around his arm. 

“Fuck!” He shouted, and tried to extinguish the power as fast as possible. He didn’t know what to think about the fact that he had unknowingly shifted his hand to have claws just for the purpose of attacking Kai.

His heart felt heavy as he processed what he did. Oh, FSM, he just attacked Kai. His brother .

Heart pounding, Lloyd lifted his head up to look at him. Kai had twin parallel gashes from his forehead, across his nose, and down his cheek. The fire ninja, as well as the others, were staring at Lloyd in shock. He was sure that his own expression closely mirrored theirs. 

“I told you that would go over well.”

He screwed his eyes shut. “Agh- Just… shut up. ” He pleaded. That earned a chuckle from the voice in response.

“Uhm… no one said anything…?” Jay hesitantly put in. Lloyd bit his cheek to prevent himself from snapping at the blue ninja. No shit no one said anything! He was the only one that could hear it!

Lloyd opened his eyes. Guilt and horror filled him as he realized that he was having negative thoughts about his family again. Why? What’s happening to him?

“Don’t you see? You are growing into your heritage. Isn’t that fun?”

Lloyd wanted to scream.

There was too much going on around him. He couldn't breathe. He needed air. Maybe if he didn't feel trapped, the voice would leave him alone. Lloyd pushed through the other ninja, ignoring their shouts and cries. He ran through the monastery halls in search of a way out. There were several footsteps behind him, but he paid them no mind. He had his full attention on getting out.

He burst through the monastery doors, chest heaving, and stood in the center of the courtyard. The clouds above were painted orange by the fiery sunset. He would have called it pretty, if not for the situation.

“Stop trying to hide from who you are.”

It didn't work.

He sunk his head into his hands. “Stop it. No matter what you do to me, I will never become something like him .” His voice was shaky.

“You already have.”

“No!” Lloyd cried out. He sunk to his knees. He could feel the presence of his family behind him, watching as he seemingly was yelling at himself. He knew that they wanted to help, but they didn't know how.

Of course they didn't. Their precious human lives could never understand what was happening.

He dug his fingers into his hair and pulled slightly, pushing those thoughts back as far as possible. Why does he keep doing this?

“Yes. You have killed and it does not bother you. In fact, you enjoyed it.” Lloyd twitched, feeling pressure build within him. “You are just like him.”

Lloyd screamed, purple energy exploding outwards as he clutched his head in anger. He refused to believe it, yet this reaction was proving it all the more. His panic only increased the power build up. He felt tears well in his eyes as he tried to hold it in.

His family. His family was right there so there’s no way he could do it. Not in front of them.

He could hear their alarmed shouts behind him. He stood up, purple wreathing around him. He turned his head to look at them. They had taken up defensive standings, though concern was still etched into their faces, along with something else…

Lloyd's eyes widened. Oh. They were scared.

They should be. I'm-

He took a step backwards. Then forwards. It was like his body was engaging in some kind of sick dance where he couldn’t decide if he wanted to lash out at them or protect them from himself. He looked at the ninja, then at the outer walls of the monastery. What should he do?

“They have seen who you really are. You must get rid of them.”

Lloyd ran.

He jumped up the monastery walls and over the shingle roofing. He landed on the stone on the outside and began sprinting down the steps of the mountain at an unsafe speed. 

Unsafe. Like he was. He couldn’t hurt them again. He can’t go back until he’s figured out what’s wrong with him. And even then, he had to figure out a way to stop it.

He never looked back.

Chapter Text

Kai stared at the spot where Lloyd was last seen.

What the fuck was that? It looked like Oni power. But, there wasn’t any reason for him to display it, was there? What happened to him? Was this why he was acting so off recently? He knew that something was wrong. He should have pressed more to get answers.

…He should have been a better brother.

And now, Lloyd was off doing who knows what in a very upsetting state. And based on his actions, he wouldn’t be returning for a while. The scratches on his face twinged to reinforce that fact.

“Uhh, guys? What the heck just happened?” Cole voiced the thought running through all of the ninjas’ heads. They all exchanged looks of shock and confusion. None of them knew the answer. 

“His powers were purple ! That’s not normal!” Jay exclaimed. 

Zane hummed in thought. “It appeared to be his oni powers. Though for what reason I am uncertain. Does anyone know anything at all about why he would be acting this way?” He asked. The others all shrugged or shook their heads. Kai felt their gazes then land on him, knowing that he was the closest to Lloyd. He sighed.

“Kai, do you-”

“No. I don’t. He didn’t explain anything to me at all. He completely brushed it off every time I asked.” He explained. 

Great. Now they know that Kai knew that Lloyd wasn’t okay beforehand and didn’t say anything. They know that Kai didn’t do enough to help him. They know that he could have just talked with him and prevented this. They know that he’s-

He felt a hand on his shoulder and snapped his head up to see Nya’s concerned expression. A smile crept up on her face as she looked at him. “Come on, let’s get you cleaned up. We can talk more later.” She said.

Kai lifted one of his hands to his face, and upon pulling it away, noticed blood sticking to his fingers. He nodded slowly, and allowed Nya and Zane to lead him to the medical area. He tried to ignore the fact that Lloyd willingly attacked him. Well, maybe not, since he looked like he regretted it almost immediately after. 

His steps felt heavy. He should have run after Lloyd. He should have brought him back, sat him down, talked through whatever it was that was bothering him. But he didn’t, and he was worried that Lloyd was going to do something that he would regret even more. 

They reached the medical area. Kai sat down on a cot, and Nya took place beside him as a reassurance. Zane stepped in front of him and looked at the scratches on his face. Kai avoided looking at either of them in the eye.

“Hmm… It is not deep enough to require stitches. I will only need to clean and bandage the area.” Zane explained. Kai nodded, shifting position to make it easier for him. He felt Nya grasp his hand, a wordless comfort that she knows Kai needs.

His head felt foggy during the process, barely making him flinch at the sting of the wounds being cleaned. His mind was spent on worrying about Lloyd and blaming himself for not being able to stop him from leaving. He hardly felt the bandages being put on his face. There was a pit growing in him that threatened to swallow him into guilt and fear. He distantly knows that it wasn’t his fault, but he can’t help but feel like he should have done so much more.

“Kai? It’s done. Are… you okay?”

He tilted his head to see Nya looking at him, concern etched onto her face. He sighed, knowing that he can trust her with how he feels.

“Nya, I-”

He was interrupted by PIXAL walking into the room. “Zane, Kai, Nya, you are done, good. We have received a message from the Police Commissioner, and are requested to contact him immediately. Please make your way down to the cave.” She explained. The three ninja shared a look of mild surprise, then followed her as she left the room.

As they walked, they all seemed to share the same thoughts. Why did he want to talk to them? Did the Crystal Council members they captured stir up trouble? Did this have to do with Lloyd? No, it couldn’t be. It hadn’t been too long since he left, so there is no way he could have made it to the city, if that was even where he was going.

They entered the hidden elevator and pressed the button to go down. The ride down was quiet, all of them sensing that whatever was about to be talked about was definitely important.

The elevator door opened and they stepped into the underground base. Cole and Jay were already in front of the screen waiting. Nya walks over to the console and set up a video connection with the Police Commissioner. The ninja waited patiently for an answer, then the connection was accepted. The Commissioner's face appeared on screen.

“What did you want to talk to us about, Commissioner?” Nya asked.

The Commissioner sighed. He had a dim look in his eyes that showed that he had seen something he wished he hadn’t. He paused for a moment, collecting his words for what he was about to say.

“We… found Harumi.” He finally explained.

A chorus of surprise sounded from the ninja. “What! How’d you manage to catch her!” Jay questioned. The Commissioner sighed again. He pressed a hand to his temple and took a moment to figure out how he was going to word what he said next.

“No, no. We didn’t catch her. She’s… she’s dead.” A conflicted emotion flitted across his face.

“...What?” The ninja were frozen in shock. Dead? Who could have managed to do something like that ? They all wore the same conflicted emotion as the Commissioner. They knew that a person like Harumi would deserve severe punishment for her actions, but they were taught to respect human life and never kill in battle. Kai though, didn’t feel any grief at all for her. After what she did to Lloyd? He was only upset that he hadn’t done it himself.

…He instantly berated himself for that thought. Respect human life and whatnot. Though maybe he might not actually kill someone, even for a valid reason.

“We found her in an alleyway near Borg Tower. She was severely wounded, ripped up far beyond fatal. I can’t see any way a sane person could do something like that. It looked like she was killed only earlier today.” He continued. Graciously, he neglected to show them photos. They’ve all seen many bad things, but no one wanted to see a graphic image of a corpse.

Alleyway near Borg Tower… earlier today… Kai was having thoughts lined up that he did not want lining up. 

“Thank you for telling us, Police Commissioner.” PIXAL said. The man nodded.

Kai stepped in. “Just a small favour- Could you keep an eye out for Lloyd? He ran off earlier and didn’t say where he was going. If you happen to see him…?” He asked.

The Commissioner nodded again. “Of course. I’d hate to see anything happen to that boy. Always getting himself in trouble…” He managed a small smile. “Anyways, we’ll keep in touch.” The ninja said their farewells in return and cut the connection.

“Good thinking, Kai. The more eyes we have, the better.” Zane said, turning to the fire ninja. “Speaking of, perhaps we should conduct our own search, he might still be in the nearby vicinity.” He requested. The other ninja all voiced their agreement.

“What I’m wondering is how someone managed to… you know…” Jay cut in. A visible look of discomfort flashed across all the ninjas’ faces.

“It has to be someone we know. Someone powerful. And evil.”

“What, like Garmadon?”

“I don’t know. He’s a pretty evil guy.”

“No, he’s been on our side as of late. Besides, he’s out with Master Wu doing… what are they doing again?”

“I dunno. Weird old guy brother stuff or something.”

Kai listened to his family’s conversation. They hadn’t thought about what he had thought about. Perhaps it’s for the best that he didn't bring up the possibility. He silently prayed to the FSM he was wrong. He really, really hoped that he was wrong. There’s no way it could be true. What is he thinking? It was crazy that his mind was suggesting that .

He cut into the conversation. “We should go look for Lloyd.” The others turned their attention to him, sentences cut off and silence ensued.

“Uhh, Kai? The sun’s practically set now…” Cole hesitantly explained. Kai fixed the earth ninja with a blank stare.

“And? Ever heard of a flashlight? The more we delay the farther he could be going.” He watched as looks and nods of agreements slowly appeared within the other ninja. He did have a good point. They easily dismissed his irritable attitude, knowing it was just a side effect of when he was worried about one of his siblings.

They agreed to look for Lloyd, even though the sun had set. They took a moment to discuss how they wanted to go about it.

“I will stay behind and keep watch over the monastery.” PIXAL explained. “The rest of you can search the surrounding area. Do not stray too far from each other, and stay in contact with your communication devices.” The ninja nodded and headed out through the vehicle bay doors.

The short descent down the rest of the mountain was passed in silence, save for a few attempts at small talk. None of them knew what to say. All of the recent events were confusing and disturbing, to say the least.

They eventually reached the tree line, going over search details for a moment, before dispersing. Kai stepped into the growth of the woods, trying and failing not to think about how futile he knew the search was going to be. A part of him still clung to hope that they would be able to bring him back safely, but was quickly shot down by the part that knew he wasn’t here. Lloyd knew how to stay hidden if he really wanted to. Heck, he might not even be in the area anymore.

Kai continued wandering through the trees, flashlight skimming over plants and grass. He snorted. Lloyd was the green ninja , and they were looking for him in a place full of green . He knew he was the one that insisted on the search, but now he was thinking that it wasn’t going to work.

…Maybe if he suggested running after Lloyd earlier, right as he left, then they could have gotten to him. He made a frustrated grunt, kicking the rock that was in front of him as he walked. He was Lloyd’s brother. He should have taken action faster.

He had spent at least twenty minutes mildly stewing in self-blame and half-assed searching when he heard his communicator activate. He stopped in place, flashlight hanging limply at his side, as he listened.

“Uhhh… guys? You might want to come over here.” Cole’s voice sounded through the device.

The other ninja immediately asked what happened, if he found Lloyd, what he saw. The earth ninja paused for a moment.

“No, I didn’t find him , but…” Kai’s interest piqued. What did he find? “Uhm… you guys definitely should come check this out. I’m at…” He proceeded to give a short description of his whereabouts. Kai immediately left behind his previous thoughts and sprinted towards the area.

He wove through the trees, dodging roots and branches, heading towards the clearing Cole was in. He felt his chest tighten. Cole’s tone had a hint of fear and worry, so Kai was scared to see what he had found. It couldn’t have been too bad, he tried telling himself. Maybe it didn’t have anything to do with Lloyd at all.

He burst into the clearing, breathing heavily. The other ninja joined him not long after. They all took a moment to catch their breath before looking at Cole expectantly. The Earth ninja had a grim look on his face. He sighed and angled his flashlight at an object on the ground.

Kai’s heart dropped to his stomach. What. The fuck .

It was Lloyd’s gi, but it didn’t look like how it should. It was absolutely covered in several splotches of reddish-brown stain. Blood. Hours old.

More dots lined up in Kai’s head, and he refused to believe the implications of what he was seeing. He looked over at the other ninja, seeing sick realization take over their expressions. They were thinking the same thing he was. And judging by how they all refused to speak or look at each other, they didn’t want to acknowledge the implications either.

Kai sorted through his thoughts and tried to piece together what had happened.

Lloyd was snappy… he kept spacing out… he went into the alleyway… he insisted they leave without him… he got home before they did somehow… he spent the day isolating… he had a breakdown and used his oni abilities… he ran away… the Commissioner said the police found Harumi’s body and said she was killed hours ago… they found Lloyd’s gi covered in hours old blood…

No. Oh fuck no.

Lloyd killed Harumi.

Chapter Text

Lloyd didn’t know how long he ran for.

His journey was a blur. He vaguely recalled descending down the numerous steps of the mountain, the green of the trees blurring past, and the dwindling light of the sky.

He was still running. His muscles ached and his chest burned. What was he running from again?

The forest grass beneath him grew more dry, more sparse. His eyes scanned through the darkness and noticed the trees thinning out. He made it through the whole forest already? He stumbled to a halt as he broke through the tree line, chest heaving for air. The constant running finally caught up to him and his muscles seized up, causing him to collapse to the ground. He inhaled unsteadily, and dragged himself over to a nearby tree and leaned his back up against it.

He really shouldn’t have run for that long, as the searing in his lungs and the deadness in his legs oh so nicely reminded him.

His hand brushed against the brittle, brownish grass beneath him as he stared at the expanse in front of him. The forest had given way to a desert, one he had crossed many times whenever he ventured to the city. While he waited for his breath to return, he watched the remaining sunlight vanish into night.

He eyed the stars as their numbers grew. From where he sat on the treeline, the sky above the desert was clear, offering a full view of the night sky. Without the lights from the city, there was so much to see.

It was… nice. He had been so busy, he had forgotten to enjoy the simple things. He had had a cloud over his head during the year that Nya was gone.

Nya… and the rest of his family…

His eyes widened and he felt guilt grow in his stomach as he suddenly remembered why he had run.

He could’ve hurt them. No- he had hurt them. He hurt Kai.

He stood up- ignoring the protesting ache in his legs- and held a hand up to his head. What the fuck was wrong with him? Why was he acting like this lately? Why was he so much more violent and irritable? FSM- he literally killed somebody! He heard her screams echo in his head-

“I can tell you that.”

Lloyd flinched at the sound of the voice and instinctively glared around, even though there was no physical presence around. As much as he hated himself for admitting it, he actually did want answers.

The voice seemed to sense his curiosity and continued. “You awakened me.”

Lloyd scoffed and rolled his eyes. “That doesn’t tell me anything.” He snapped. Seriously, did all voices or whatever always have to talk super duper vaguely? He hoped it would pick up that he wanted an actual answer and explained more. The voice noticed this and chuckled.

“Very well. I am your heritage. You gave in to me during that battle. Such a shame it did not last longer.”

Lloyd froze.

…What? This voice was his oni ? And he awakened it during the fight with the Overlord? He supposed it made sense, but he couldn’t ignore the uncomfortable feeling growing as he thought about it.

“I have always been a part of you. That lingering darkness that you have felt for as long as you can remember, laying dormant until the fateful day I arose. Thank you.”

“Uhh… you’re welcome…?” Lloyd was too confused- and frankly, too nervous- to figure out how else to respond.

He slowly sat back down, leaning against the tree. He fiddled with a piece of dry grass as he processed what he heard. His oni… somehow took place as another consciousness inside his head? Weird. And it was changing how he acted? Unsettling. He dropped the blade of grass after it crumbled between his fingers.

He sighed and looked out across the sand. He really didn’t like this, and he was honestly a bit disturbed by the fact that he was acting so nonchalant about it. He should be freaking out and downright panicking . But, he wasn’t. Sure, he felt uncomfortable and a bit scared at the situation, but he found that those little feelings were overpowered by a majority of himself not caring. That was almost unsettling as the fact that there was something essentially changing his entire personality.

But then, why did he freak out about the fact that he hurt Kai? Something wasn’t right.

He stared out across the sand and pulled his knees to his chest. That was another thing. He kept switching between worried and guilty, and irritable and uncaring. Was his oni behind this too? Or were the years of all the terrible shit and loss and trauma catching up to him? He found himself unwilling to know the answer.

His body shuddered. He didn’t know what to do. He couldn’t go back now. But, he needed his family.

“No, you do not.”

Lloyd paused. “What?”

Of course he needed them. He always had a fear of being alone. He understood that as the green ninja (he found himself growing bitter at the title) he should manage fine on his own, but he knew he needed to rely on his family… right?

“You know that you do not need them. You know that you are better than them.”

He screwed his eyes shut, trying so desperately not to say- to think- of anything that his oni could use to fuel its claim.

…Though he can’t deny a part of him agrees with what it is saying.

The voice laughed, sensing his inner turmoil, and added to the burning fire in his mind. “You know that this is true. You long to prove yourself, correct? You want to show them that you can succeed on your own.”

Lloyd opened his eyes, hating that the part of him trying to disagree was resigning. His oni was right. He did want to prove himself. He knew that he was supposedly the strongest ninja, but he always felt so weak, like he wasn’t ever reaching the limits of what his power could do. He always felt like he could’ve done more, that maybe if he tried harder, then there wouldn’t be as much loss.

He shook his head. What was he thinking? He should go back, he’s probably just tired and in need of sleep. Back there, he knew his family would comfort him.

But he couldn’t go back. He was a danger to them. One slip and someone could get hurt again, or worse. He had to stay away.

He could feel a headache forming at his conflicting thoughts. He sighed deeply and leaned his head back against the tree, looking up at the stars. As he watched the white spots flicker above, he came to a realization.

He was tired. Not just physically, he was tired of everything . He hated being Destiny’s child. Being thrown in from a young age to fight in battles that relied on him. Having the weight of everyone’s lives on his shoulders since he’s the only one with the power to stop most of the evils the world sees. He hates that he was made into a weapon. Yes, he loved protecting others and saving the day, but he was getting tired of it. Everything always boiled down to him . He just wanted a break.

“Then prove yourself. Show those that only view you for your power see how strong you are.”

Lloyd sighed and closed his eyes. “If you’re implying what I think you’re implying, then no. I don’t want to be like him again.” He figured that if he could see the voice, then it would be grinning.

“You are not like him. Yes, you share similar attributes, but what makes you different is that you are stronger.”

Lloyd opened his eyes and scrunched his eyebrows in confusion. “What are you talking about? Didn’t you say-”

“You are not like him. Let yourself be stronger.”

He really didn’t want to test the implications of that. He knew that it meant using his oni powers again, and every time he had, he had hurt someone. He didn’t want that to happen again. 

He looked at his surroundings again, eyeing the tree line where he currently was and the desert in front of him. Despite a few lingering thoughts and a tug of longing in his chest, he knew that he couldn’t go back to the monastery. An owl hooted somewhere in the forest, a sound that only occurs at night. He knew that this was the prime time to travel without being seen.

He stood up, ignoring the muscles that were begging him to rest, and inhaled slowly. He began to walk, feeling the ground shift from dried out grass to sand.

He didn’t know where he was going. Maybe the city? That might be good. Find a place where he can hole up and figure out how to stop his-

His legs buckled and he fell to the ground with a curse. His hands gripped the sand below him. He was so tired that he couldn’t even walk ? Weak. His eyes landed on the bandages still wrapped around his hands. In a random burst of anger, he began ripping them off, ignoring the scabs that reopened and leaked out blood. He threw the bandages off to the side and stared at his shaking hands. He let out a frustrated shout and pulled his hands closer, feeling the unwanted familiar feeling of power building within him.

No. Not again.

“Give in. Let me give you the strength to keep going.”

All thoughts of fear and doubt instantly left as the uncaring part of him took over, gratefully accepting the power. He breathed in, feeling the power wreath inside him as he stood up. The previous aching in his legs felt so distant, like it was never really there. He felt a grin creep onto his face. He ignored the part of him that believed this was wrong.

“Good. Now, go prove yourself.”

Lloyd began walking, mind a bit hazy. He had a vague image in his head, and found his footsteps carrying him in the direction of Ninjago City. The sand squished beneath him. The soft breeze whooshed in his ear. Unbeknownst to him, his eyes glowed purple.

He was powerful. And he was going to do something about it.

Chapter Text

“We have to tell the Commissioner.”

It was the morning after the ninja had their attempted Lloyd search. They had stopped right after they found a horrifying, and rather sickening, piece of evidence. The bloody gi. All of them had simultaneously reached the same conclusion that Kai had, and wordlessly took it back to the monastery.

They all knew that they couldn’t do anything with the information at the moment, as it was rather late into the night. So, they decided to wait until the morning to have a lengthy discussion and probably a few upsetting emotions, despite how terrible it is to sleep on such a sudden shock.

Which is how Kai found himself on the couch holding a green mug containing tea.

He stared down at the liquid sitting in the mug, watching as it swirled around as he shifted position. He pulled his knees closer to his chest and rested his head on them. He had tried to sleep, but his thoughts kept spinning and he knew it would be useless to try. So, he moved over to the couch and waited for the sun to peek over the horizon.

He suddenly remembered the presence of Nya beside him. Right. She had spoken to him, and he hadn’t responded. He took a deep breath in.

“I know. I know we have to tell him, but…” He started, unsure of what to say. “...what if it’s not what we think? We could be wrong. We could be misinterpreting something.” Kai stared at the contents of the green mug again, and slowly took a sip. Mint tea. He sighed, and placed the cup down on the table in front of him.

Nya saw this and scooted closer to him, wrapping an arm around his shoulders for comfort, and began to speak. “Yeah, I get it. We’re not sure, but… the pieces are there, aren’t they? I hate thinking about it as much as you. There’s just… no other answer.” 

“But- But it doesn’t have to be her blood, right? It could… be something else?” He paused, and his eyes brightened as an idea formed in his mind. “Wait, you know how the police will analyze blood samples to solve crimes, right?”

Nya hummed. “Yeah, why?”

Kai turned his head to face her, a small smile appearing on his face. “So, we can bring the gi in, and they can analyze it, and then we can be sure that it’s not her blood!” He explained.

“Kai-”

“And- And then , we can find Lloyd and talk him through whatever is going on with him. You know how he keeps things hidden until it gets bad, right? We’ll talk to him and convince him that it’ll… it’ll all be okay…”

“What if it just confirms what we've been thinking? What if it is her blood.” Nya asked, a frown evident on her face.

Kai sighed, clearly not wanting to go down that train of thought. “I don’t know. Let’s just wait until the others get up, it should be soon.”

In an almost comedic level of irony and timing, the sound of footsteps appeared. One by one, the other ninja trickled into the room, all with unhappy expressions. Kai noticed a few of them open their mouths to speak, before closing it again. He understood the action. No one wanted to talk about it.

Eventually, Cole found the courage to speak up. “So, what are we going to do?” He asked. This earned zero response, other than awkward fidgets and shuffling steps. Kai figured that he was the only one with at least half of an idea, so he decided to respond.

“I think…” He began. All the other ninja cast their gazes over to him. He sighed before continuing. “I think that we should have the police test whether or not the blood on his gi is Harumi’s or not. We don’t know for sure, so, this way we can know if we are right or wrong.”

He heard a few mutters of agreement. If there was any chance that they were mistaken, they wanted to make sure of it.

“That is a good assumption and idea. We should set up a connection with the Police Commissioner and explain the situation, then ask if it is alright. We can also ask if there is any information on Lloyd’s whereabouts.” Zane added. The ninja all nodded and he hit the elevator button. Once opened, everyone went filing in.

Kai reluctantly pulled himself up from the couch, dislodging Nya’s arm from his shoulder as he did. He glanced one more time at the mug on the table before the two of them made their way to the elevator.

Once the elevator opened up and led them into the cave base, they all gathered around the big screen. PIXAL moved forward and began setting up communications with the Commissioner. Within moments, he answered.

“Good morning, ninjas. What can I do for you?” He said. Kai thought he looked a bit troubled, but didn’t point it out.

Zane stepped forward and took a turn to speak. “We have… a piece of evidence that we would like your police force to analyze. Would that be alright?” He asked.

The Commissioner nodded. “Of course. What would that be?”

“One of Lloyd’s gis, covered in blood. We found it last night when searching for him. We were hoping you could test it to see if the blood came from Harumi.” Zane explained. The commissioner blinked in shock, clearly not expecting that.

“Yes… yes we can do that. Have one of you bring it over and we can proceed.” He explained. He paused for a moment, before sighing and speaking again. “There’s… something you should know.”

That immediately grabbed the full attention of the ninja. Kai felt nervous. That tone of voice definitely was not used for good news. “Yeah? What should we know?” He asked, already feeling like he shouldn’t have.

The Commissioner sighed. “Not too long ago, a security officer in the museum discovered a body.” He paused as gasps sounded from the ninja, before continuing. “The body had a long gash stretching across the width of the torso, bleeding profusely. The person was still alive, and was rushed to hospital. I have been told that they’re stable, but still in bad shape.”

Kai and the other ninja were quiet. What could this mean?

Another beat of silence passed, before the Commissioner started speaking again. “The person discovered… was Misako.”

…What?

The faces of all the ninja contorted into shock and horror. Someone attacked Misako? Kai felt his heart clench as his mind supplied a thought that he quickly pushed down.

PIXAL looked up at the screen, presumably to voice what everyone was thinking. “Do you know who was behind it?” She asked. The Commissioner sighed yet again.

“Not yet. I have people going over the surveillance footage to find out, though. But-” He cut off his sentence and looked over to the side. Kai inferred that someone else was talking to him. The red ninja watched as a look of what can only be described as ‘someone ripped away everything you believed in and made it terrible’ appeared on the Commissioner's face.

The others noticed this as well. “What happened? What is it?”

He seemed to snap out of whatever thoughts were in his head at the questions. He turned back to face his camera. A moment passed and eventually he found his words.

“It… It was Lloyd. The green ninja.”

Kai immediately felt the urge to shove him over right then and there. Demand that he admit he was lying. That it wasn’t true. There was no way it was true. Lloyd wouldn’t do that, he wouldn’t hurt someone. The scratches across Kai’s face twinged as a reminder, and he mentally cursed. He reached up and felt the bandages, trying so hard to forget what happened. Lloyd was probably just… stressed, so he lashed out. Anyway, the person on the footage was not Lloyd. It was a mistake. It had to be.

Glancing around at the other ninja, he realized that they were probably thinking the same thing. Lloyd wouldn’t have a reason to attack Misako. Okay, maybe he did, the whole abandonment thing was bad. And… the whole not really being there afterwards thing too. But in any case, Lloyd wouldn’t do that, right? 

Nya looked over at him and seemed to pick up on his thoughts. “Kai… I think it was him. Something bad is going on, and we need to find out what.” When he didn’t respond, she continued. “If he was the one who killed Harumi, then he probably… might have done it to Misako as well. But, I think part of him still recognized her as his mother, so he didn’t.”

He saw the other ninja slowly nod, processing everything that’s happened. He sighed, then looked up at the screen.

“Thank you for the… information, Commissioner. We’ll… One of us will send over his gi.” He said. The Commissioner nodded and stopped the connection, leaving the ninja with silence.

What. The. Fuck.

This was bad. So very bad. Kai’s little brother had seriously hurt someone, and probably even killed someone. He had run away after using his oni powers to lash out at Kai. Something was definitely wrong, and they needed to find Lloyd before things got worse.

“So… who’s gonna… y’know…” Jay hesitantly asked. The other ninja looked at each other with uncomfortable expressions.

Cole spoke up. “I’ll do it. You guys figure out how to find Lloyd.”

“Find him? What has my son been up to?” Everyone whipped around at the sound of a familiar voice.

Walking up to the group was none other than Garmadon and Wu, back from wherever they had gone. The origin of the voice stepped forward with a curious expression, waiting for an answer.

When no one responded, he scoffed and asked again. “Well? Why do you all look like someone kicked your puppy or drowned your plant? Where is he? What did he do?” He questioned.

The ninja all glanced at each other, before they began taking turns recounting what had happened. Kai watched as the expressions on Wu and Garmadon’s faces shifted from mild concern to downright disturbed. 

Wu fumbled for words for a moment. “But that’s… he would never do that.”

Garmadon’s eyes darkened. “I agree. Unless…” He paused, before turning to face Kai. “You said that he used his oni powers to attack you, yes?” He asked. Kai swallowed and took a deep breath.

“Yeah, that’s- that’s what happened.” He confirmed. Garmadon hummed in response.

“So, perhaps the unresolved use of his oni form resulted in his power flaring up quicker.”

Kai and the other ninja looked at each other in confusion. Oni form? Didn’t that not happen?

Garmadon noticed their confusion and scoffed. “Ah, he never told you. I suppose I will.” He said, not giving the ninja a chance to interrupt. “When we were fighting the Overlord, certain… circumstances occurred, and he achieved oni form. It was going well, he was landing hits on the Overlord and was starting to win.

“ However , for some idiotic reason I will never understand, he got scared by his reflection and startled out of it. At that point we would have lost if it wasn’t for your…” He made a vague gesture with his hand as he paused for words. “...Golden… Creation Dragon.” He finished.

Oh. That made a lot of sense. And yet…

“But… why is it affecting him like this?” Kai asked. Garmadon sighed and shook his head.

“I do not know. Once I find him I will be able to find out.” He began walking away from the ninja. Kai immediately rushed forward and stood in front of him to prevent him from leaving.

“Wait- How are you going to find him? And how are you going to ask him? He’s not gonna tell you of all people. We should go with you.” 

Garmadon huffed and crossed his arms. “One, I can find him easily because of something mere humans like you won’t understand. Two, I know he won’t answer if I ask, so I intend on getting answers in a different way. And three, he’s not going to come back here willingly, so you won’t be of any use.” He explained. 

Kai felt a rush of fear and scrambled for words. “Wait, you’re- you’re planning on fighting him? You can’t do that!” The other ninja all loudly voiced their opinions on Garmadon’s statement as well.

“Only if it truly comes down to that. As I’ve said before, the only way to defeat an oni is with another oni.” Without another word, he turned and made his leave. The ninja could do nothing but stand there as Garmadon walked out of sight.

“Are we just… letting him do that?” Nya asked. The others murmured short answers in response. None of them were exactly okay with it, but it was probably the best idea so far.

Oh, how Kai longed to race to the city and beg Lloyd to come back. To return to how things were.

“I’ll just… go to the police and give them… you know…” Cole said. Kai was startled out of his thoughts, now noticing that Cole had Lloyd’s gi in hand. He couldn’t muster up the motivation that the earth ninja shouldn’t be touching it, but oh well. He just wanted it to get done. He nodded and let Cole leave with the bloodied gi.

He didn’t like this at all.

—

Garmadon didn’t know what to feel.

He walked through the streets of Ninjago City, the same city that he was holed up in for years while it was continuously threatened. He found it strange, the few times he took action was to help the city, not to destroy it. He was an oni. He was supposed to destroy.

…Then again, he had been working on ‘being good’. He supposed it felt nice, making things better for the world, no matter how much his heritage screamed at him. He knew that his brother was happy with his change, and no longer looked at him with sadness and longing. He was well aware that there would always be some scepticism from others, but he was working towards being a help.

He looked up as he walked, eyeing a particular apartment building. He wondered if Vinny would want to see him, and he could show him the progress he’s made. He should stop by at some point. He owed at least something to the man who had shown him how to care and not to randomly cause mayhem.

But enough of that. He had something important to take care of.

In regards to others being sceptical of his change, the one who was most suspicious and hostile was Lloyd. Garmadon knew that he had done a lot to damage Lloyd’s trust in him, but it was of great annoyance that his son did not want to believe that he was on the good side now.

The recent events were… concerning, to say the least. Lloyd was not acting the way he should be. Garmadon stood by his claim that it had something to do with his unresolved oni form. He figured that if Lloyd had practiced with his oni powers properly, then things might have been different.

He suddenly halted in his steps. His son was nearby.

It was a strange feeling, like a dark feeling in the chest. A pull to the presence of another of his kind. His eyes narrowed, and he waited for the face of Ninjago’s hero to show.

“What are you doing here, Garmadon? ”

He tilted his head in surprise, before turning around to face his son. His eyes widened slightly when he took in his appearance.

Lloyd’s eyes were purple, not green. That wasn’t normal. He was currently utilising his oni powers, which… was not good regarding the scenario. The green sleeves of his gi and part of his torso were stained with blood, still fresh enough to be mostly red in hue. Garmadon caught sight of Lloyd’s fingers twitching, like the urge to use his powers was threatening to break loose.

Garmadon took a breath before responding. “Lloyd, I am here to find out why you are behaving like this-”

“I am not acting weird, okay?” Lloyd began, eyes narrowing. “I’m just proving that I’m strong. Which I am! I’m stronger than… than anyone here.” The look in his eyes grew dangerous, and Garmadon took a hesitant step back, trying to appear like he wasn’t looking for a fight.

“Lloyd, you hurt Misako.”

“And I would have killed her if it weren’t for-” He cut himself off, pressing a hand to his head as if fighting off a thought. Garmadon’s brow furrowed in worry.

“Lloyd? What is happening?”

“Just shut up !” Lloyd snapped. “I don’t want to hear anything else from you !” Garmadon could tell that things were getting out of control. He needed to do something.

“Listen, why-” must we fight all the time? “-are you doing this? It is plain foolish and not doing any good.”

Lloyd shouted out and launched himself towards Garmadon, purple energy wreathing around his hands. Garmadon easily sidestepped away and watched as his son turned towards him, newly shapeshifted claws bared. The purple in his eyes was shining brighter.

Garmadon huffed. It looks like he was doing this the hard way. “I will not stop until you tell me what is going on-”

Lloyd snarled. “You! You made me into this!” He yelled. “You faked your own fucking death and traumatized me into achieving oni form!”

He paused. That… was true. Though, it was necessary to defeat the Overlord.

Not like it helped any. He thought. But now, it was helping in the opposite way. He sighed and tried again.

“Lloyd, this is not helping anyone. You need to come back and we will get you back to normal-”

“Normal? Do you really think I can return to how I was? Do you have any idea what it’s like to have a voice constantly speaking in your head, telling you what to do?” He paused his statement with a cackle. Garmadon felt himself grow cold at the sound. “But it’s working . It’s helping . I can do so much more like this!” He was grinning now, oni power fully surrounding him.

“Lloyd-”

“I won’t let you get in my way!” Lloyd didn’t allow him another word as he launched himself forward again. Garmadon made a small noise of surprise and quickly jumped out of the way. He moved into a fighting stance and looked back to where his son was.

Lloyd no longer looked human. The golden oni that Garmadon had only once caught a glimpse of was standing in his place. Four arms, ivory horns, a lashing tail, and a rageful expression. His eyes were cold, but they were filled with mindless agony.

Garmadon was nervous.

Lloyd didn’t have the practice with oni form that he did, and in this state the only thing he would do is blindly attack. Garmadon felt an unfamiliar twist in his stomach at the realization that he actually did have to fight him. 

Lloyd didn’t give him another moment’s thought and blasted a pulse of purple energy towards him. Garmadon was hit straight in the chest and he staggered back, gritting his teeth at the ache that spread through his body. He growled and looked at Lloyd, who was aiming for another attack.

Well, there was only one way this was going, and damn him if he wasn’t going to comply.

Garmadon felt the familiar thrum of his power building in him, and he welcomed it. He focused on the strength it gave, and shifted his form. Now, with four arms, a tail, and wings, he was ready to fight (he ignored the small particle of doubt).

They began trading hits and dodges. They would send each other blasts of oni power, or go in with jabs and slashes. Garmadon would use his wings to evade and strike from different angles, but Lloyd was determined. Or rather, his mind was only set on the goal of defeating Garmadon. He noticed that Lloyd’s attacks weren’t well coordinated, like his power was blinding him and making him forget the lessons he had learned. He was using more vicious and unethical methods to attack. Garmadon thought he could use this to his advantage.

The fight went on, and it was gathering the attention of citizens in the streets. The onlookers were most definitely thinking that Garmadon was in the wrong, and he couldn’t blame them. They most likely had no idea that the golden oni was Lloyd. And frankly, Garmadon figured that they wouldn’t want to believe that their beloved hero wasn’t human. He pushed the knowledge of the onlookers away. All he needed to focus on was stopping his son.

They each sent strike after strike, blast after blast. The snarl never ceased from Lloyd’s face, and he met Garmadon’s attacks head on. Eventually, Garmadon managed to find an opening to strike a blow that would surely end the fight. He held up a clawed hand, oni power wreathing around it, and brought it down…

…But then he hesitated.

What?

Lloyd took that pause as a chance to strike again. Garmadon barely managed to dodge out of the way. He could feel his strength starting to diminish, and when they both took a pause, he decided to speak.

“I thought you were scared of becoming like me! Stop now, and we can take you back.”

“No!” Lloyd’s voice had a deep undertone of distortion to it. “I am not like you! I’m stronger !” He built up a large ball of energy and flung it at Garmadon. His eyes widened, and he tried to move away. The beam hit him square in the shoulder and flung him back onto the curb. Garmadon hissed at the pain that jolted through his arm as he landed. He wasn’t even able to sit up before Lloyd suddenly appeared, looming over him.

He was picked up by the neck and held just above Lloyd’s eye level. He gasped for air as his throat constricted, tail lashing rapidly behind him. He coughed a few times before managing words.

“Lloyd… my son-” The clawed hand around his throat tightened, and Lloyd leaned closer, his voice a low growl.

“You are not my father.” 

Garmadon was thrown back into a nearby streetlight. His already sore arm flared up at the impact and he couldn’t hold back a wince of pain. His oni form faded, leaving his normal, two-armed form in place. He slowly lifted his head to look at Lloyd, only to see him sprinting away to who knows where. 

Odd, he thought Lloyd would do more than that.

He managed to pull himself into a stand, leaning against the streetlight for support. He eyed the various citizens that had gathered around the scene, their faces twisted in shock and fear. Clearly, they had heard him refer to the oni as Lloyd, and were currently trying to figure out what to do with that information. 

Garmadon didn’t really care about their thoughts. He just cared about getting back to the monastery and informing the ninja that his plan… hadn’t exactly gone as expected.

He looked down and noticed a few spots of purple liquid staining the sidewalk. He realized that he must be bleeding somewhere, and shifted his gaze to his hurt arm. He saw a small abrasion from where he had hit the sidewalk, and deduced that it wasn’t that serious. He could take care of it later. For now, he just had to get back.

And so, taking one step at a time, he began the long walk back to the monastery.

—

Garmadon finally made it back to the monastery, and took the entrance that Wu showed him to save him from going up the vast amount of steps.

He walked into the underground cave base and found the ninja all standing around, clearly worried. They all looked up at his arrival and rushed over to him. They stopped in front of him, and immediately picked up that he wasn’t successful.

“What happened?” Cole asked. Hmm, wasn’t he the one that was going to give the police Lloyd’s gi? He must have finished with that.

Garmadon huffed before responding. “Well, my idea did not work, for starters.” He paused as the ninja gave small eyerolls and sighs. “And, I’ve come to the conclusion that my son is… not the same. He’s completely given in to his oni.”

He watched as looks of sadness and loss flashed across the ninjas’ faces. Kai in particular looked the most hurt. 

Garmadon became aware of a tightening in his chest and a lump in his throat. He didn’t know what that meant, but he knew that he didn’t like the feeling it caused. 

He cleared his throat before speaking again. “So, what has happened on your end?” He asked. He noticed the way the ninja shifted uncomfortably, and the tightening in his chest grew. The news wasn’t good. Cole looked up at him and answered his question.

“The police tested the blood and… yeah. It was Harumi’s. Lloyd… killed her.” He explained.

This… was bad. Lloyd was attacking others, even willing to kill. He would never have done so before. He’d changed, and not for the better. Garmadon wasn’t able to defeat him, and the ninja wouldn’t be able to do much with their powers only just starting to return.

“What are we going to do?” One of them asked.

At this point? No one knew the answer.

Chapter Text

Lloyd had always associated loneliness with a cold feeling. He had experienced it before, when the wind and snow whipped at his face as he grumbled about revenge. But right now? This loneliness was burning.

Burning as in, well, quite literally. Volcanoes are hot. His vision was hazy as he glanced through the bars of his cage. He could swear that he spends more time in a cage than anywhere else. What was with that? He hated it. He hated it so, so much. Not being able to run as voices tormented him on every side. Feeling the cold (in this case, hot) metal underneath him constantly…

He was just a child.

He yelped as the cage suddenly dropped to the ground, jerking him out of his thoughts. Hmmph, they really didn't care about giving him any warning, did they? He supposed that they didn't care about his comfort as long as he was alive. Why did they want him alive?

Lloyd wasn't sure how much time had passed. He heard Pythor (Lloyd had a list of bad words to use on him) say that he had found the third fang blade. It wasn't long after that when all hell broke loose. The ninja- Lloyd was relieved to see them- had shown up to get the fang blade. And… his father. Lloyd's eyes widened at the sight of him. Surely, out of anyone, his father could save him.

He couldn't protest as his cage was picked up yet again, the snakes hurrying to get out of the volcano. 

Everything was so chaotic. He couldn't focus on what was happening. He knew that the lava was rising and that he was being dragged up and out. And then… he was falling? Did they toss him away? His cage landed. He didn't know if he was hurt, he was too scared. The lava was getting closer…

He was pulled up, safe into the arms of his father. Oh, how he wanted to stay like that. Warm, but not burning. But destiny curse him as he was ripped away again. Falling into the burning reaches of death. He wanted to scream.

His body hit the rock. He distantly noted pain, but that didn't matter if he wasn't getting out. Oh no, he was going to die. He was going to DIE-

He spotted a red figure. Kai! He could help… right? Lloyd called out to him. He watched as Kai turned, his hand halting in movement towards the fang blade. As much as Kai probably hated him, he should… he should at least save him, right? 

The scene shifted.

Lloyd found himself pounding on the walls of an encasement of glass. The glass was shatterproof, so it wouldn't break no matter how much he slammed his hands against it. He felt himself getting weaker, whether it be from exhausting himself with fruitless escape attempts, or from his power slowly being sapped away. Probably both, he figured. 

Nevertheless, he kept fighting to get out. A part of him knew that it was useless, that no one could save him. But he still tried. He still attempted to fight the evil that was taking his power.

Lloyd scoffed. Right, the power that destiny gave him. The power that caused more harm than good. He couldn't use it to save everyone. He couldn't even save his father. He wasn't worthy of this power. As long as there was a target on his back, people would be in danger.

Maybe he should just give up and let-

No. He was a symbol of hope. He was supposed to live and save the day. it wouldn't be good if his power was completely consumed.

But maybe if he just-

No. No… it'll be okay. He tried to tell himself that he was being stupid, that surely he would be rescued before it was too late. They wouldn't let him die, not like this. They wouldn't think that the target of every villain would be better off dead. 

He found it harder to breathe. Was there ventilation in this thing? Was he going to suffocate? No, no he'd be okay. He ignored that it was getting difficult to stand. He screwed his eyes shut.

He wasn't alone. He wasn't alone. He wasn't-

Lloyd opened his eyes and found himself in a new place. He was cold, and he felt… dead. Well, not actually dead, but pretty damn close to it. He felt like he couldn't move, no matter how hard he tried. Everything hurt, but he didn't feel safe enough to sleep it off. This is probably the weakest he has ever felt, so far.

Weak. Not only in physicality, but in the way he couldn't do anything to stop what was happening. He hurt his friends… his family…

Though, he supposed it wasn't him doing it. He knew that he was not the one in control. But… he can't help but think that he should have done something to prevent it all. He shouldn't have gone alone. He should've fought harder. Why was it so easy for his body to be taken like that? He must not have been strong enough.

He tried to focus on his surroundings. It was hard to make complete sense of things, maybe that was bad. He noticed that he was put up in yet another uncomfortable cage. Cold, rusted, weak. He figured that if he had the strength, then he could break out. He exhaled in a weak laugh. Yeah, right. There was no way someone as weak as him could find a way out.

His head felt like it was full of noise, yet around him the air was quiet, save for a couple mutters within buildings. He had a sense that something was wrong, that this wasn't quite… correct. He quickly dismissed it. His life was insane, he could care less if something went wrong.

Maybe he's better off dead.

His mind instantly berated itself at the thought. How stupid was he, thinking like that? The world needed him, he couldn't throw his life away like that.

But then again, if he was the reason that evil targeted Ninjago, then it might be better for everyone if there was nothing left to target. As much as he hated what was happening to him, he felt like he deserved it. He's done a shit job as the green ninja.

He inhaled slowly. What if that was his last breath? It was not, but he couldn't help but hope it was. 

And then he was drowning.

The feeling only lasted for a moment, before he felt himself being pulled up. He coughed up the remaining salt-water in his mouth, blinking his eyes to clear them. His hands slipped over wet metal. Great, another cage. When can he catch a fucking break?

Through hazy eyes, he noticed the crack in the sky. He heard the voice. He felt the fear. And yet, he couldn’t help but find it funny. Destiny really liked to toy with him, didn’t it? Bringing back one of the things that pained him the deepest was a low blow, and he knew that it was going to get worse. It always got worse. Maybe if he died then this shit wouldn’t happen. Why was it so funny? Was this really happening?

And just as if to throw him off again, he found himself going from wet to burning again. Well, it wasn’t as hot as the volcano, but it was close. He observed the bars in front of him, noting the yellow cracks in the metal. Vengestone. This felt familiar.

He hated feeling trapped. He hated not having control. He hated the way that everything always happened to him . He hated that the girl monologuing in front of him was explaining that everyone he knew and loved was dead. He hated how now he had nothing left. He hated the realization that he was all on his own and if he can’t do it himself then he was good for nothing and that he wasn’t a hero and that he couldn’t do anything right and that maybe dying wasn’t the worst thing and that this is all so ridiculous and it was starting to feel really funny all of a sudden and he didn’t know why and-

Lloyd’s eyes blinked open. Oh, of course he was dreaming. It would make sense that his subconscious would torture him with memories he would much rather forget. Very nice. Not like he ever had bad dreams before. No… no they weren’t bad dreams, they were motivation.

…Motivation for what?

“Get up.”

Lloyd sat up immediately. Right… that . He sighed and put his face into his hands. He felt like shit, to say the least. He also felt like punching something. Maybe even worse than punching. His breathing quickened as he imagined blood coating his hands, the screams of those who deserved pain-

Back up. Think about that later.

He exhaled slowly and removed his hands from his face. He was in a dark room, curtains drawn to block out the light. It didn’t take long to remember where he had dragged himself to following… what was he doing again? Nevermind. Anyways, he found himself back in that shitty apartment he rented with shitty appliances from when he ran away from his shitty problems. He couldn’t care less about paying up for a single night, no one knew he was here anyway. That year was probably one of the worst eras of his life, what with all the hopeless despair and grief he felt. He’s moved on from that, now that things magically came together like they always did.

“Did you forget why you are here? You need to teach a lesson to those who have hurt you.”

Lloyd groaned and pushed himself up off the bed. Could that stupid voice just shut the fuck up for once? It’s not like he didn’t disagree with what it was saying, but could it just stop rushing and give him time to process all the shit that has been going on?

Blood, murder, enemies, yada yada. He wanted to bash his head into a fucking wall. He knew something changed within him, and he once again felt bothered by the complete lack of care he felt.

“Get up. There is more to be done. There are more enemies to eliminate.”

“Would you just- ugh!” Lloyd rolled his eyes and started making his way across the room. He paused in front of a mirror. He could barely see himself in the low light, but the sliver of sunlight illuminated his eyes. He found himself staring into the dull purple colour of his eyes, which… was not normal. Hmm, perhaps he should be worried about that. He felt his body twitch at the vague memory of using a dark power to cause others harm.

But they deserved it… didn’t they?

The face in front of him morphed into a monster. His breath caught in his throat and he rubbed at his eyes. He blinked and looked in front of him again- no monster in sight. His shoulders loosened with relief, until his face started changing again. Gold skin, fangs, horns… he frantically ran his hands across his head to see if it was real. He couldn’t feel anything, so why could he see it?

His ears were ringing. The shadows around him seemed to crawl up and choke him. His body kept changing. Was this real? Did he actually wake up? He wanted it to stop. He desperately clawed at his face and at any abnormality he could find. The shadows were laughing at him. His eyes were red- no, they were bleeding. Why could he see if his eyes were bleeding? He tried to scream, but he couldn’t hear himself. The ringing and the laughter were too loud.

There were cracks in the mirror. When did it break? The mirror started falling apart. There were eyes in the gaps, violent purple and staring at him with both emptiness and loathing.

His chest hurt… did he forget to breathe? He screwed his eyes shut and collapsed to the ground with a whimper. He pulled his knees close to his chest and gripped his hair tight. He still couldn’t tell if this was real. He tried to focus on getting air into his lungs. He wasn’t a monster. His mind was tricking him.

God… he really was going insane, wasn’t he? A laugh slipped out of his mouth at the thought. He lifted his head and stared at the mirror. It wasn’t broken. He looked normal. Well, as normal as someone with dull, purple eyes that looks like they’ve been through hell and back can be. He ignored the fact that the “blood” he felt coming from his eyes was actually small tears leaking out. He wasn’t sure if he actually shifted or not, but either way, he never wanted to experience whatever that was again.

“Get up.”

The slight look of amusement on Lloyd’s face faded immediately at those words. He glared into the mirror.

“Why.” He questioned. He knew the answer, but he just wanted to stay like this a moment longer.

“You have a job to do. You know where to go.” The voice was insistent. Lloyd sighed and stood up, glancing in his reflection once more.

I am not a monster.

—

The sun had set by the time Lloyd had reached his destination. His legs hurt, he wondered how much he had walked. Scratch that, he wondered how much running around he had been doing for the past couple of days. In any case, he felt weak. He felt like he needed a power boost again. There is no way he can let himself be weak. He’s stronger than anyone.

He was curious as to why people were looking at him oddly as he was walking. They must have recognized him. It most certainly wasn’t the fact that he was roughed up and probably looked like he would kill someone, no. He told himself that he would never hurt someone who was innocent, so why would they look at him like that?

Lloyd looked in front of him, staring at the building that loomed up dramatically in the night. He never realized he could hate a place so much. Being falsely locked up or even damn near murdered could do that to someone. He felt his anger rising up at the sight  of the Kryptarium Prison walls. 

The voice in his head chuckled softly. “There are many enemies inside, you know this. Everyone in there is as far from innocent as one can get. There are some that have caused you severe personal harm. They deserve to have their sadistic values ripped away, don’t you think? Give in.”

Lloyd complied.

He relished in the feeling of his body becoming more powerful like it was some sort of drug. He was getting stronger. He was meant to be stronger. He felt his body changing, becoming more equipped to deal with his enemies. It wasn’t a bad thing, he was helping out the greater good. No one seemed to get it. He’s ridding the world of evil, is that not a good thing?

He wasted no time in blasting through the doors of the building and into the main holding center. He heard several alarms blaring, as well as shouts from both the inmates and the security. The prisoners seemed to think that this was their chance to escape, but oh, were they wrong.

Lloyd let the purple energy wreath around him and blasted it at those nearest to him. The prisoners' bodies were thrown back, scorched and bleeding. He felt laughter bubbling in his chest. This was fun! Finally giving in to his urges gave the most satisfying pleasure he’s ever had. The screams of those around him were like music to his ears, the inmates staring in horror as others were choked or leaking red.

It was enjoyable being in this state with a clear sense of what was happening.

He reached out and grabbed a random inmate, digging his claws into their torso. He tuned out their blood curdling screams as he pulled out various organs he couldn’t care to name. He noted the colours of red, pink, and brown with fascination, as well as the different shapes of what he was extracting. There were long, thin tendrils, dense globs, soft globs, all of it was a bloody mess. He discarded the now silent corpse and moved on.

He snagged another enemy, burying the feeling of recognition, and held a power-lit hand up to their face. He watched as their skin blackened and peeled away, leaving a mass of red flesh behind. He kept going until he saw the white of bone poking through.

He noticed that the security was trying to stop him, odds are that they didn’t recognize him and therefore thought that he was an enemy. He growled and pushed that idea away, he was doing this for a good reason. Perhaps, if they were trying to stop him, then they were also enemies. Well, if that is the case, then they have to pay for trying to stop him.

With more targets, the task only became easier. He blasted his powers at anything and everything. He whipped his tail into one person, sending them flying into a wall. The resonating cracks of bone that followed brought a smile to his face. He grabbed two guards and bashed their heads together until their skulls were smashed and their brain matter was leaking out.

It was almost like a song, with the shrill screams of agony like a soprano descant over the low gurgles of others drowning in their own blood.

Lloyd kept at it for who knows how long- clawing, biting, blasting… anything he could do to cause pain to those who dared to ruin his life. His breath heaved as he glanced around the area. It was dead (haha) silent. Corpses were strewn about everywhere, severed limbs or cut out eyes and tongues littered the ground, and the whole place was covered in layers of blood so thick that he could swim in it if he wanted.

“Good… very good…” The voice purred in his ear. Lloyd didn’t disagree, that was amazing.

The silence was starting to bug him. His tail lashed as he huffed in irritation. He wanted more. He needed more. He felt the power buzzing underneath his skin, waiting to be used. Why hadn’t he done this before? He has just wiped out a majority of his problems, but there was still more. Where could he go next?

Lloyd knows that he has finally given in completely, but does he care? No. He can finally have the world in the palm of his own hand.

Chapter Text

The streets were just like he’d hoped they would be.

Citizens were scrambling to get out of his way. Some screaming in terror, some wailing in grief at the loss of those who couldn’t make it out. Those who were driving cars (who does that, it never ends well) frantically swerved to avoid the running masses of people. Some cars hit, causing even more wreckage and chaos. 

Perhaps Lloyd should help clear the streets. With a grin, he sent a charged blast into a group of cars, sending the remains flying through the air and slamming into the buildings on the side of the road. He watched as the decimated machines caught fire with glee. His tail twitched with enjoyment as he sent blast after blast at various cars and buildings.

He never shifted back from his oni form, which was fine. It was easier to cause destruction this way. 

He kept up his attack on the city, the voice in his head muttering words of encouragement as he did so. The voice was quieter now, perhaps recognizing that he did not need as much pushing anymore. It fueled his desire to wreck, to destroy .

Lloyd wondered if the people recognized him. Most likely not, as he was completely different from the weak human form they knew, as well as acting completely different from his previous self.

It felt good, releasing all of his pent up rage.

He stopped in the middle of an intersection. Most people were out of sight, now. He looked up, taking in the sight of smoldering buildings. The sky was grey today. Cloudy, like his mind. No… his mind was clear. It was clear with the single intent to destroy. To demolish everything that had hurt him in the past. He cast his gaze down again and looked at his surroundings. Fuck, everything was grey. Did all of the colour vanish? Was he imagining things?

He shook his head and continued with his onslaught. He stumbled across some splatters of blood, red. At least there was some colour. He was beginning to get worried.

“Do not worry. Simply continue.” The voice whispered in his ear.

Lloyd nodded and growled, feeling the buzz of power returned. His claws twitched, and he thrust his arm out to send more blasts at objects near him. Some of the corpses on the ground caught fire, but that was fine. The city would do good with a new smell.

The wailing sound of sirens made him pause. Ah, someone called the police. He wondered what the point of that was. The police were so fucking incompetant that something they would struggle with for a week he could’ve done in maybe ten minutes. What were they going to do, stop him? Kill him? Lloyd almost laughed.

Sure enough, soon a dozen police cars blocked off the road in front of him. He figured they must be thinking, ‘Oh FSM, not again!’ as they took in the sight of something with four arms and a very vicious demeanour. Some of them stepped out of their cars and pointed tasers at him (seriously, when were they going to get guns?).

“Uhh… Stop right there!” One of them yelled. Lloyd decided to humour them, for now.

He lowered his arms and tilted his head slightly. He saw some of them loosen a bit, though they were still wary.

The same officer continued, “Now, if you don’t want a fight, you’ll turn yourself in quietly.”

Lloyd nodded, then slowly walked towards them. His arms hung empty at his side as he attempted to seem less threatening. The police officers were surprised, not expecting him to give up so easily. Well, they thought he was giving up. Lloyd walked closer, trying to stop the grin from worming up on his face.

Once he was close enough, he stopped. Without a word, he sent a massive blast of power at the cars nearest to him. The remaining officers, caught by surprise, quickly entered their vehicles and grabbed their radios, presumably to call for backup. Lloyd sighed, then sent more blasts at them. 

After they were all dead and smoldering, he continued on his way. He figured it would be best to eliminate these enemies at the source. 

Lloyd broke into a run, following the streets that he knew so well. He could run faster in this form than when he was weak. His energy was higher than it was before. He felt giddy, and a laugh involuntarily slipped through his lips. This was fun! Running, chasing, burning, and destroying. Why hadn’t he done this before?

Anyone that tried to stand in his way was quickly turned into a bloodied and/or burned corpse. Buildings were shot at, causing them to crumble and burn. The screams were like music to his ears. Horrifying, sickening, and agonizing music, sure, but still music.

Eventually, he arrived at his destination. He unapologetically blasted through the doors of the police station and strolled inside. Obviously, people were a little bit surprised at a tall, golden oni showing up through the destroyed hole in the wall, so they screamed and tried to get out of the way.

Cowards… Lloyd thought. His claws and tail twitched in annoyance at the lack of fight. Oh well, at least they’ll be easier to kill. Not his fault that they were too weak to go out fighting.

He quickly dove into the throng of people, slashing at anything and everything. He tore at papers, tables, bodies… He let his rage build up. These people never did anything, their loss would mean nothing. He called upon the power begging to be used and destroyed nearly everything in the vicinity. Several bodies littered the ground as he picked his way around the room, listening for survivors. He picked up the sound of breathing from a nearby half-overturned table. He grinned, then sent a small blast of energy to send the table flying away.

He recognized the shaking man in front of him as the Police Commissioner, who looked up at him with nothing but utmost terror. A pity, the man was occasionally useful, but definitely far from the help the world needed. 

The Commissioner weakly cleared his throat, “Please… You don’t have to do this…” He sounded desperate. Lloyd stepped closer and knelt down in front of him.

“But I do ,” His voice was low, almost unrecognizable, “This is the only option for me, now. And it feels good. ”

“Lloyd… I know it’s you. What… what happened ? What caused you to become… this …?” The Commissioner weakly gestured to the carnage around them. His eyes darted around with a hollow look of fear as he observed the bodies of his colleagues. “This isn’t you.”

Lloyd chuckled, “Oh… this is me. I am better.”

He thrust one of his arms forward, and caught the Commissioner’s neck in his claws. He cut off the man’s gasp by digging in deeper, poking jagged holes into his throat. The man choked, the gargling of the blood suffocating him clearly audible. Lloyd grinned, sending some of his power through his palm. He watched as his enemy’s eyes went wide and he also tried to scream. Lloyd dug deeper, noting that the man’s eyes had dimmed. Too bad, but he still had more to do. He gripped something in the man’s neck and ripped . There was crunching… snapping… massive spurts of blood… Lloyd quickly withdrew his hand, holding the crushed remains of the Commissioner’s larynx. The body slumped down onto the ground.

He stood up, looked around at the destruction he caused once more. He felt laughter bubbling up in his throat. He liked being able to kill and destroy with no consequences. There was no one to stop him! He laughed, hoarse, loud… unhuman. This was great! How come he never realized that this was an option sooner? It felt so good to just let out all of his rage. The world was in his hands, and he could toy with it as he pleases.

Once his laughter subsided, Lloyd proudly walked out of the building. He tossed the Commissioner’s larynx onto the ground for someone to find or for some animal to eat. He looked down at himself. He was more red than gold at this point. He should probably clean himself up.

…Nah. It would wear off on its own. Actually, it was almost like a decoration. It would help scare people into obeying him. Not like he would need people to obey him. He would just kill them within two seconds no matter what they did. Anyway! He had plenty more destruction to cause.

Lloyd ran through the streets of Ninjago City yet again. Most people had fled or hidden by this point, unfortunately for him. Oh well, there will always be more enemies. He’s sure that people are sick of the city being constantly overtaken. That must be why they cleared out so quickly- they’re all so used to evacuating that it became familiar and faster. 

He made several turns through the city, following his mental map. He had travelled this way so many times that he recognized every sign and crosswalk. He kept going, and eventually passed one alleyway in particular. He stopped abruptly. His gaze turned to stare at the entrance of the alley.

…Right. It was this one. The one where…

Before he could think, his feet carried him through the space between buildings. He followed the small path, observing the cracks in the pavement. He felt… something. He turned a corner and paused.

The dark stain on the ground was still there. Her body was gone though, someone must have moved it elsewhere. His eyes narrowed and he strained his ears to hear if anything was nearby.

Silence. Lloyd was alone.

He laughed. He laughed and he shouted and he sent powerful blasts of energy at the spot where he had killed his enemy. He tore at the walls around him, ignoring the small spikes of pain as his claws met concrete. He let out an inhuman yell as he wreaked havoc on the area around him. His tail lashed and he growled.

His past self was too weak , too afraid of the fact that he had killed someone. Now he was strong , and there would be nothing that could make him change back. This was his choice. His life.

With one last shout, he turned and sprinted out of the alleyway. The blood roared in his ears as he ran towards his destination. Fuck, he just wanted everything to die .

He caught a glimpse of something in the corner of his eye and immediately halted in his sprint. He saw several objects. They were statue-like, completely black with some orange cracks…

Oh…

They were the remains of the Crystal King’s army. It was vengestone that he was looking at. It seemed like no one knew where to put them following the attack, so they dumped them all in one location. It had been almost two weeks since the defeat of the Overlord, so there was yet to be a permanent location for these to be held. They had lost their power, so they were harmless. The only thing left of them was the elemental-nulling properties of the vengestone.

“Use them. They can help you.” The voice whispered to him. Lloyd nodded. That wasn’t a bad idea. If he had these things to help him, then he could accomplish so much more all at once.

Lloyd stood over the pile, staring down at the crumbled warriors beneath him. He had never tried something like this before, but there was a first for everything. He held out all four arms and summoned his oni power. He recognized the feeling of his power seeping through his limbs, then channeled it into the figures below. He would piece them together and make them strong, like him.

Sure enough, the army pieced itself together. They glowed from both the orange of the vengestone and the purple from his power. Okay, so there was colour. Earlier was just… something. He was reading far too much into things. The vengestone army slowly rose, turning to face him. Lloyd lowered his arms and grinned.

“I have given you life. You will follow me and do what I say.” He ordered.

His army stood straight in formation, emotionless yet willing to follow orders. He nodded, pleased. He spun around and continued on towards his destination. The vengestone warriors followed him in identical steps.

It was almost boring. He had a huge army at his disposal, and there was hardly anyone around for him to order his army to attack while they pleaded for mercy. He did send some units out to break down some parts of the city, though. He did help, of course, using his own abilities to tear down as much as he could, all the while laughing like a maniac. Maybe he is a maniac. He probably was, but at least he was doing something good with it, right? This was good, wasn’t it? He was getting rid of enemies, and the ones that stood in his way were expendable losses. It wasn’t like he was going to not indulge in the joy of tearing someone apart. That would be absurd, not using his power to its full potential.

“That is correct. You are doing very well.” Lloyd grinned at the voice’s words.

“Nothing can stop me.” He agreed.

Lloyd strolled through the crumbling city, his army in unified step behind him. He listened to the lovely sounds of buildings cracking and distant screaming. His destination was right around the corner, the tall structure already in sight. Perhaps it was a bit of a cliché choice, but he supposed it was a good place to start his reign.

He stopped at the front steps of Borg Tower, looking up at the high building. This place had a bad history from the moment it was constructed. He scowled as he remembered how much trouble came with the ‘New Ninjago City’ or whatever, and also how… nevermind. He’ll get to that soon.

Lloyd commanded his army to file into the building and destroy any survivors, as well as tear the place apart. He quickly followed, kicking at loose pebbles on the ground that he passed. He made his way over to one of the elevators and went inside. He didn’t even have to look to press the ‘one-hundredth floor’ button. And so he waited.

…And waited.

He forgot how long this took. His tail twitched impatiently and he tapped his claws against his thigh. He was so close to just blasting the elevator apart out of impatience. Couldn’t they have designed a faster one? Some people had emergencies. Or, like him, some had plans to take over the world. But of course, he wasn’t like those guys . 

“Hmm… sure…”

“Shut the fuck up.”

The door opened and he sighed with relief. About eight more seconds and he was going to follow through with his idea of blasting the elevator. Lloyd walked towards the desk across the room, hoping to find the one he wanted to… see .

Sure enough, Cyrus Borg was working away at his desk, oblivious to the chaos in the city. Many citizens saw him as the prime face of technological evolution in Ninjago, but Lloyd could only remember him giving the Overlord a place to reside, or the faulty mechanics that caused lives to be taken, or…

He slammed his clawed hands down on the desk, which caused the inventor to yelp and jump, frantically looking for the source of the noise. Borg’s eyes locked with Lloyd’s and the man shrunk back in fear.

“A-Ah! What’s a thing like you doing here?!” Borg’s voice was trembling. Pathetic, Lloyd thought. He expected him to beg for mercy.

Lloyd leaned forward, eyes narrowing. He spoke with a low tone, “You have caused much pain.”

Cyrus’ gaze flitted to the large bloodstains on Lloyd’s person, then he turned the wheels on his wheelchair to scoot backwards a bit. Fear, that’s good. The inventor swallowed nervously, then lifted his gaze back up to Lloyd’s face.

“That was a long time ago… and I have done all I can to make up for it, for the last-”

Lloyd growled, digging his claws deeper into the desk, leaving gouges in the material. “Shut UP!”

He leapt over the desk, grabbing Cyrus harshly and throwing him out of the window with a crash. The man landed roughly on the wide platform that was out there, struggling for breath. Lloyd jumped out of the window and landed in front of him. He grabbed the man by the throat and held him out over the edge of the platform.

“Do you have any idea what that mess you caused did?!” Lloyd yelled, claws tightening around Borg’s throat, “I was kidnapped and tortured and used as a fucking power source to bring the Overlord back!” He saw the other man’s eyes flash with recognition.

“L-” He choked, fighting for words against the pressure on his throat, “L-Lloyd Garmadon…?”

Lloyd grit his teeth, “Yes, it’s me. And I am going to kill you,” He welcomed the satisfaction that filled him when he saw the sheer terror in Cyrus’ eyes, “I am going to make you regret your choice of hurting me.”

He let go of the inventor, watching him fall down… down… He picked up a couple weak attempts at screaming from the man’s crushed throat. That must be terrifying, falling to one’s death and not being able to scream. The thought made Lloyd grin. He watched Cyrus Borg become a tiny speck, then barely hearing the thud a few seconds after the man hit the ground. Lloyd assumed that there was nothing left of him other than a pile of gore and blood splattered all over the ground and maybe even up on the walls. He wished he could see it, but he was not about to go down and up that fucking elevator again.

Lloyd sighed, then turned and stared out at the city in front of him. It was grey, crumbling… all because of him. He finally got back at this place for giving him so much pain. He still had so much more to do, so much more to destroy . His tail twitched in excitement- This was going to be fun! No one has been able to stop him. No one can stop him. He had all the power in his grasp, all the ability to reign…

His power was unmatched, and he was going to eliminate everything that caused him to suffer.

Chapter Text

“We are not going to fight him!”

“What the fuck are we supposed to do? He’s gone completely batshit insane!”

Kai tried to tune out the conversation as much as possible in favour of stewing in his own guilt. He wanted to believe that there was something they could do, but it was true- Lloyd had, in fact, gone completely batshit insane.

They recently received intel about all the destruction he had caused, as well as the brutal killing of the Police Commissioner and Cyrus Borg. They were all in shock at that, and PIXAL had rushed off in grief. Zane had followed, presumably to do his best at consoling her. 

No one wanted to admit that that was not Lloyd anymore.

The Lloyd that they knew was kind and wanted to help others. This… this was something drastically different. Something in him had snapped, which allowed his oni to take over. It trapped him within himself, made him believe that what he was doing was right in some way shape or form. Kai knew better than anyone that Lloyd was afraid of feeling trapped or weak.

“So what do we do?” Someone asked, “He’s got that vengestone army, right?” This was true. He had managed to revive the Crystal King’s army somehow. Those guys were a pain in the ass. If you touched them, they’d turn you into a crystal zombie thing, and the vengestone nulled elemental powers… wait…

“Hang on,” Kai spoke without realizing that he’d opened his mouth. The others turned to look at him, waiting for him to continue, “Those guys don’t have that crystal thing anymore, right?”

They all stopped to think, then Cole spoke next, “Most likely. I think it’s just Lloyd’s oni power that gives them life. The only other thing is the vengestone…” His eyes brightened as he came to a realization, “But that wouldn’t matter! Our elemental powers haven’t come back yet, so there’s technically no disadvantage!”

“ I still have my powers,” Nya added, “...Though not fully . It’s getting better though.”

They’ve lost track of how many times they’ve lost and regained their powers. It seems like every time there are evil happenings at least one of them gets their powers snatched. Good thing they were trained to fight without powers (that would be unproductive and stupid if they didn’t).

“So like… they won’t be that hard to beat?” Jay asked, “Just smash them with a weapon and they’ll crumble?”

“No. It will not be that easy.” Garmadon muttered from the corner he was dwelling in. The ninja shifted their gazes to the oni, irritated yet curious.

“Uh huh. And how do you know that?” Kai had a bit of bite in his tone. This guy acted like he knew everything , didn’t he? He was more of a nuisance than a menace, lately. Sure, he’d helped them out some, but Kai couldn’t help but still feel a bit of resentment towards him.

Garmadon scoffed, then walked closer towards them, “If these vengestone warriors were made with his oni ability, then they will be strong-”

“But Lloyd hasn’t been evil for that long. He’s not that powerful, right?” Jay interjected. Kai didn’t like how easily he had said that Lloyd was ‘evil’. He wasn’t. He was just… lost.

Garmadon narrowed his eyes, “You did not fight him. I did. As I mentioned before, he has completely given in to his oni. If you think that this fight will be easy, then you are sorely mistaken.”

Kai hated that he agreed with him. Although… “We are not fighting him.”

“Foolish,” Garmadon responded with a sneer, “Your pacifist ninja way of ‘talk the enemy out of being evil’ will not work. An oni will not fall for it.”

What does he know about the way they do things? He’s been gone for like… years . Sure, they did use the talking strategy a fair bit, but there have been a lot of times where they could do nothing but fight. Kai didn’t think this would be a fighting one, though. Garmadon was wrong. If anyone could bring Lloyd out of this state, it was the ninja, his family. Kai let himself believe that this was the proper way to go about it. Lloyd wasn’t that far gone, he was sure of it.

“Okay look,” The red ninja began, “You don’t know him the way we do. I say that we show up, fight through his army, and help him escape from his oni. Do we all agree?”

The other ninja all nodded, expressions uncertain but hopeful. Garmadon rolled his eyes and took a few steps back.

“Do not blame me when you find out that I was right.”

They all collectively ignored the oni and started preparing to head out. Kai looked at his teammates, doing a mental count. He turned to Nya and spoke.

“We should probably get PIXAL and Zane over here.”

Nya looked at him with a complicated expression, “Don’t you think we should let her grieve?” She asked. Kai sighed, knowing how hard it was to lose family. He wished they could have stopped this sooner. He wished he had done something, anything , to keep Lloyd safe from himself.

“I really wish there was time, but I think we need all the help we can get.”

Nya nodded, then left to retrieve their friends. Kai paused, thinking. He wanted so badly for his ‘plan’ to work. He just wanted his little brother back.

—

They arrived at Borg Tower, already seeing dozens of vengestone warriors at the base of the building. They all hopped out of their vehicles and clustered together, eyeing their enemies carefully.

Kai inhaled slowly, then spoke, “Okay. So, Lloyd is most likely at the top. We’ll bust our way through these guys and take the stairs-”

“Aw, stairs? Really?”

“-take the stairs up. Once we’re sure we’ve got everything, or at least as much as possible, we’ll meet at the top. And then…” The red ninja sighed, then continued, “And then we talk to Lloyd. And don’t fight him.” The other ninja all nodded in agreement. 

The ninja silently rushed forward, finding places to hide in the rubble. Kai spared glances at the city around him. It was far worse than he thought, with buildings crumbling and even some small fires. He pushed down the sick feeling he got at seeing the mass amount of corpses littering the ground. It never got easy, seeing death put plainly in front of him. He tried not to think about how it was Lloyd that caused all of this.

He tried not to think about how only days ago everything was normal. At least, as normal as their lives would allow them to be.

As soon as they got to the base of the tower, the vengestone army turned and moved towards them. The ninja drew their weapons and stood in fighting formation. Fuck stealth, they were here to beat these guys’ asses and get their friend back to normal.

Once the vengestone warriors were in range, the ninja started attacking- swinging, smashing… whatever worked. They were right in thinking that they weren’t as strong as when the Crystal King controlled them, but they still took a few hits to crumble down. Kai sliced through his enemies with his sword, working his way towards the doors. He spotted the other ninja doing the same, all pushing forward through a breaking army. Kai was grateful that these guys didn’t have flesh, he didn’t feel like having a shit ton of blood and whatever splatter all over him after… certain things.

After defeating a few more warriors, they entered through the already broken glass doors. There were more vengestone warriors inside the building, but not as condensed as outside. They felt pretty confident that they would be able to reach the top without issue.

“Uhh… guys?” Jay sounded worried. Kai and the others turned around to face the way they came. The felled army slowly rose up again, purple energy wreathing around each warrior.

That… was an issue, to say the least.

“What the- These guys can regenerate?!” Cole exclaimed. They all clustered closer together, now feeling a bit cornered.

Jay laughed nervously, “So… do we just run up to the top and barricade them behind us?” Kai looked at him with a frantic but confused look.

“How is that going to help us?” He asked. He slashed at a vengestone warrior that got a bit to close. It crumbled, then came back a few seconds later. Well… shit.

Zane spoke next, “I have to agree with Jay. Perhaps if we can reach the top and distract Lloyd, then these warriors will not be as powerful as before. If they are powered by Lloyd’s oni ability, then making him shift his focus could allow us to avoid being killed by his army!”

That made sense. Kai looked at the others and nodded. “Okay. Let’s go up, then?”

No one needed to be told twice. They all rushed up the stairs, wrecking as many warriors as they could to at least slow them down. Kai didn’t even bother counting the flights they went up. Sometimes, he found it mildly annoying how tall this building was. This was definitely one of those times.

Kai glanced over at PIXAL. She was probably destroying more of this army than anyone else, for good reason. These things were partially behind the death of her father, so she probably felt no remorse in just tearing them apart. Kai couldn’t blame her, she was good at what she does.

They fought their way to the top. Once at the one-hundredth floor, the ninja burst through the door of the late Cyrus Borg’s office. The sound of the vengestone warriors rushing up the stairs was getting closer.

“Find anything you can to barricade the door!” Zane yelled.

The ninja all looked around and started pushing objects towards the door; desks, cabinets… anything that worked. They kept stacking things up in a pile that made the door hardly visible.

“That should do it.” Kai said, then winced as the vengestone army started slamming into the door.

Cole looked a bit hesitant, “Will it hold?” He asked.

“Not for long,” Nya sighed, then continued, “But it should give us the time we need to do what we came here to do.”

That is, if it even worked . Kai believed that it would. They came all this way and there was no chance that he was going to turn back without getting his little brother back to normal. He took a deep breath, pushing down the fear and guilt in his chest. They were going to get Lloyd back, he was sure of it.

Kai turned and looked out the broken window. Lloyd stood in full oni form on the platform outside. He seemed to be waiting for them all to come out before his most likely move of attacking them. That’s… considerate? Kai glanced at his teammates, then they all walked forward. They went outside (through the door, not the smashed open window) and stood together, facing Lloyd.

The oni tilted his head and eyed them all closely. His gaze locked with Kai’s, and the red ninja felt a chill run up his spine at the sheer hatred in Lloyd’s eyes. Did he not recognize them? Did he not know that this was his family? Or…

Lloyd chuckled, then spoke in a low tone. He sounded corrupt, changed… evil .

“The ninja… Oh, how I cannot wait to tear you apart…”

Chapter Text

The night was quiet, save for the crickets or the lone call of an animal.

Kai walked through the courtyard of the monastery, occasionally kicking away small pieces of rubble from the still crumbled front gates. It was a shame, really. They had just gotten it back after a number of years of it sitting, burnt. But then it had to get attacked and destroyed again…

He shook his head. Oh well, things happen.

Kai should be asleep, but he was on the lookout for someone in particular. Said someone was supposed to be in bed recovering, but they were very stubborn and thought that they could get away unseen. Kai, being the type of guy that he was, knew immediately that they were being an idiot again and were off in their usual location sulking.

The red ninja silently scaled the wall of the monastery, landing on the roof. He tiptoed to the middle tower, listening intently. A shuffle… A quick draw of breath… Yeah, someone was up here.

He felt a small smile worm its way up on his face and he peered around the corner. Yup, he was correct in who he guessed it would be.

“Hey Lloyd.” Kai said, startling the green ninja. Lloyd turned his head to face him, momentary fear replaced by relief.

“Oh, hey…” Lloyd muttered, voice soft, “What are you doing here?”

Kai chuckled, moving to sit next to him on the roof, “I was gonna ask you the same thing. Shouldn’t you be resting?” He asked. He watched as Lloyd turned away, but Kai didn’t miss the frown that appeared on his face. The big brother instinct kicked in, and he opened his mouth to speak. However, Lloyd spoke first.

“It’s just… I don’t think I can sleep,” The younger boy began, pulling his knees close to his chest, “So much has happened and… it’s a lot to wrap my head around.”

Kai understood that. All of them had issues post-battle, typically in the form of restless nights. A lot of the time, the negative aspects of battle stuck around. There were scars leftover, whether it be physical or mental. The mental scars were worse. Years of fighting had damaged the ninja in more ways than one. There were some villains that struck them right in the heart, causing nightmares, panic attacks, and a general sense of anxiety that always kept them on edge. These occurred most in the weeks following the defeat of an enemy, but they never faded. They would try to recover in the lull between major instances, but there were always missions to complete. They always had to go out and fight the bad guys. You know, save the world and whatnot. Though, many people never considered what their heroes went through to keep them all safe.

For Kai, he preferred to push through his emotions and take care of others. Particularly Lloyd. That kid had it rough. It also didn’t help that he was the master of pretending that he was okay and insisting that all was well. That facade did not work on Kai, who easily saw through that bullshit. And so…

Kai scooted closer, shifting his gaze to look at the night sky as well, “Just tell me what’s on your mind, green bean.”

He heard Lloyd stifle a laugh, and he felt a sense of accomplishment that he managed to brighten the mood, at least a little bit. Lloyd sighed, and Kai prepared himself for whatever would be said next.

“I’m scared,” Lloyd began, “One, I… I died . At least… that’s what you guys told me. I don’t really remember much anymore, but I know that I was in a different place for a moment.” 

Kai remembered that moment vividly. The relief and joy he had felt after finally defeating the oni had turned into horror at the sight of his brother’s unmoving body. He remembered hauling the large piece of wood off of him, praying that he was okay. They all crowded around, trying to see any signs of life. But Lloyd was still- not breathing, and no heartbeat. When Sensei said that there was nothing that could be done, Kai felt like his world had crumpled. He was almost about to do something rash in grief, when Lloyd suddenly awoke, coughing and spluttering. 

Kai wrapped an arm around him and pulled him close, “Don’t worry, you’re back with us now. And you better believe that we will never let something like that happen again.” He gently squeezed him and gave him a reassuring smile. He noticed that Lloyd still seemed a bit upset, so he asked (told him to say) what else was wrong.

Lloyd paused, clearly struggling with his thoughts, “Those… Those things were oni. And…” He took a deep inhale, “And I’m part oni , Kai. What if…. What if I become like them ?” His voice wavered, and he turned to the red ninja with tears in his eyes. Kai frowned, moving his hand to ruffle Lloyd’s hair.

“You won’t become like them. You’re too much of a good kid. You’ve got a better heart than all of us.” Kai kept his voice gentle, trying to comfort him as best as possible.

“But-”

“Nope. Quit it with that,” Kai fixed him with an intense glare, “You are a good person. You’ve saved the world time and time again and you are gonna keep doing it. You are not evil.”

Lloyd took a moment to process his words. Kai knew that his brother often struggled with his sense of self. His bright green eyes shone with so many emotions- fear, regret… appreciation, trust…

“R-Really…?”

“Yeah, buddy,” Kai chuckled a little, “I promise.”

—

Those bright green eyes were now an angry purple, glaring at Kai with such hatred that it felt like an icy stab through his heart.

He spoke before he could stop himself, “Look, Lloyd, we’re not here to fight.”

The oni looked at him with an amused grin, “It does not look like that to me.” He sneered, glancing at the weapons that all of the ninja had. He was also aware of the fact that they did fight to get here, so really, Kai’s statement didn’t make the most sense. The red ninja relaxed his stance, putting away his sword.

“What I meant was that we’re not gonna fight you ,” He clarified, signaling for the others to ease up as well, “We just want to talk.”

Lloyd chuckled lowly, “Well, that will only make it easier for me to rip you to shreds.” He slowly lifted a clawed hand as he spoke, aiming it at the ninja.

“Wait wait wait!” Kai yelled desperately. The other ninja quickly drew their weapons again in preparation. That was not according to plan! But surprisingly, Lloyd paused, frowning.

Kai took a moment to make sure he was actually stopped before continuing, “This isn’t you, Lloyd. You’re not like this. You don’t hurt innocent people.”

“Yeah dude, you almost killed your mom too.” Jay added. Kai glared at him and harshly whispered a quick ‘Not helping!’ . 

The oni growled, tail lashing. He let out an enraged shout and sent a blast of purple energy at the blue ninja, who went flying through the air. The ninja all yelled in surprise and horror. Jay landed farther away on the platform with a loud thud. He groaned and sat up slowly. Well, at least he was still alive. That’s good.

“They were not innocent!” Lloyd’s hate-filled voice echoed loudly, “They were my enemies. Do you think that an innocent person would try to stop me? They were all trying to hurt me, I just know it! They were all such weak maggots, being torn apart so easily at my hand. I will not let them hurt my world!”

“Lloyd-”

“And now… I will tear you apart!”

Right on cue, the door within the office room burst open. The vengestone army began filing in, which was… not good. Kai turned to Zane.

“You said it would hold!”

“It appears that I was mistaken!” The ice ninja replied, already running over to deal with them. PIXAL and Nya rushed over to join him. With those three holding back the vengestone warriors, that left Kai, Jay, and Cole to deal with Lloyd.

A horrible laughter caused Kai’s focus to shift back forward. Lloyd was standing in a fighting stance, oni power wreathing around his arms. The look in his eyes was dangerous, and the three ninja took a step back.

The oni flashed a fanged grin, “You are powerless. You think you can take me down with weapons, with words ? Such a useless endeavour. You are going to die by my hand, then I can follow my wonderfully blood-soaked desires with nothing left in my way!”

He used his oni abilities to materialize four swords in his hands. He swung, sending a wave of energy at the ninja. With practiced skills, they leapt away. Jay and Cole rushed forward and attempted to land a few strikes. They were quickly knocked away and landed roughly.

Kai let out a confused noise, “What the fuck, guys? I thought we weren’t going to attack him!”

“I’m sorry that I don’t want to get killed by our friend who’s totally gone crazy!” Jay snapped back, grunting as he stood up from the hit.

“No offense, but I don’t think talking with him is gonna get us anywhere.” Cole added.

Kai scoffed, “So what do we do? Are we supposed to… to…” His voice trailed off. He could tell from the solemn look on the others’ faces that they knew what he meant. His heart sunk. He didn’t like this. He didn’t want-

Pain, stumble, thud. He gasped as his body hit the floor. Right. He should’ve been paying attention. Idiot! He took a deep breath as the stinging in his side flared up into a higher amount of pain. Fuck, that… that burnt . Being the master of fire, he didn’t tend to burn. But… without his element…

With a decent amount of effort, he lifted his head to see Lloyd cackling at his current state.

“Such a weak attempt! Weren’t you better than that?” His voice only caused Kai to feel more humiliated. He was starting to think that maybe this was futile. Maybe this was a mistake.

“We need some backup over here!” Kai barely registered Nya’s voice. He thinks that Jay responded and ran off to go help.

He felt a tug on his arm and realized that someone had pulled him to his feet. He took a moment to adjust, realizing that he could stand fine, so long as he ignored the pain. He turned to see that Cole was the one who helped him up.

“Hey, we can do this. We’ve succeeded in situations like this, yeah?” Cole said, voice gentle. Kai looked at his expression. Despite what he said, he looked tired, without hope. Cole was struggling to see what they could do, too.

“Oh, quit it with that useless chatter. I’m far more interested in hearing screams of pure agony.” Lloyd sent another blast of energy at them. Kai and Cole jumped away, leaving the ground they were previously on to be scorched.

It was a cruel exchange. Both sides would move in to attack, and the other would dodge or counter. Though, this was not a balanced fight. Despite the numbers advantage, the ninja were very clearly losing to Lloyd. It didn’t help that the oni had clearly abandoned morality in the way that he was attacking, obviously aiming to kill. Kai knew that he should be doing the same… but…

He just couldn’t.

The battle grew tiring. The ninja hardly had a chance to move in, dodging constantly to avoid getting any more hurt than they already were, Kai especially. It didn’t really seem like Lloyd was trying so hard, like he was toying with them. Maybe this was just an act of entertainment for him. Amusement. 

Kai didn’t want to give him the opportunity to put in real effort. The red ninja dashed in, pushing away any pain and zeroing in on his target. He dodged slashes and blasts, twisting his body and jumping around. He readied his sword and swung-

-and froze his movement an inch away from the oni’s neck. He held the sword in place, the metal quivering slightly as he shook. 

He had stopped. He froze up. He failed .

…But did he ever want to succeed?

Lloyd looked at him with a dangerous grin, “You hesitated,” The oni grabbed the wrist that was holding the sword, “How disappointing.”

He squeezed, hard . Kai let out a gasp at the twinge, the sword falling out of his grasp and hitting the ground with a resounding clang . Lloyd only chuckled, squeezing even harder. Kai tried to pry Lloyd’s hand off, but to no avail. He fought to keep himself from crying out as the pain in his wrist increased. 

“Let him go!” Cole yelled, rushing forward. Lloyd didn’t even bother to turn his head, simply sending a blast of energy at him, knocking him onto the ground several meters away.

“Now then…” Lloyd tightened his grip. Kai breathed harshly, the pain was impossible to ignore. Still, he refused to voice his agony. The oni’s clawed fingers kept squeezing and digging and sNAP-

Kai screamed.

He was dropped to the ground, leaving him clutching his broken wrist and whining in pain. His eyes stung, no doubt tearing up from all of the torment.

Lloyd towered above him, looking down at him with a fanged grin, “Now that’s what I wanted to hear.” He purred.

“I’ll get you for that, you monster!” Cole was attempting to strike again. Lloyd frowned, watching the man rushing towards him. He twirled one of his swords around before slashing it through the air and across Cole’s chest. The earth ninja collapsed, falling onto his back and lying unnaturally still. Kai’s heart leapt into his throat as he feared the worst, but relaxed when he saw that the other ninja was breathing faintly, slightly twitching. Good, he’s okay- no he’s not okay! An injury like that could…

“You think I’m a monster?” Lloyd questioned, voice low and tainted with a tone that Kai could not decipher, “I am making the world a better place, clearing away all of the useless or vile beings that taint the world with their poison.”

Kai took in an unsteady breath, “But-”

“And ANYONE who gets in my way has been tainted by the same poison, so I must eliminate them. Do you understand that?”

The oni kicked Kai in his scorched side, causing the red ninja to grunt as the pain in that area flared up again. His body rolled over a few feet, landing so that he was facing Lloyd, who looked down at him with an unreadable expression. Everything hurt… so much. Why haven’t the others shown up to help? Were the vengestone warriors really giving them that much trouble? Oh FSM, they were going to fail. They were all going to be killed, weren’t they?

No… no. Kai wouldn’t let that happen. They never gave up. Kai found the energy to move into a stand, careful not to jostle his wrist. The action hurt like hell, but he was determined. Lloyd tilted his head with a smirk. He seemed amused that the ninja had the strength to stand. Kai didn’t let himself be bothered by that. He had one thing left to try, and he had to do it right. He took a deep breath.

“Lloyd… I’m sorry…”

The oni didn’t seem convinced, “Ha! Do not make me laugh. You apologize now after everything?! You never-”

“...and I forgive you.”

“ What?! ” Lloyd’s tail was lashing, and his claws flexed. Kai had to choose his words carefully. He momentarily paused, figuring out what to say next.

“You hurt, and we said nothing. You lashed out, and we couldn’t help. I knew that something was wrong, and I hate myself for not staying. One of your flaws is that you keep things bottled up, but this time it caused your oni to leech your negativity and strengthen itself. I am so… so sorry that I couldn’t save you in time.

“I know that your oni is blinding you, somehow. You would never do this on your own, no matter what your mind is telling you. You’ve hurt and killed people, Lloyd. Bad people, innocent people, and people you love,” Kai spared a glance at the body- still breathing- of Cole, before looking back, “Please, just open your eyes and take in what you’ve done. Just know that I forgive you, and I’ll stay to help you through this.”

Lloyd had paused. Kai’s words seemed to have done at least something . The oni was eerily still as he attempted to process what was just said to him.

“You… I… ugh- NO!” Lloyd growled and shook his head, tail twitching.

Kai took a step backwards, “Lloyd-”

“Just SHUT UP!” He roared. Kai stiffened, expecting Lloyd to lash forward. However, the oni kept speaking, “I don’t… I don’t need you anymore! Shut the fuck up and leave me alone!”

…Who was Lloyd talking to? Kai stood there, baffled and afraid. He watched as Lloyd’s top two arms reached up and covered his own ears, claws poking his head. It was like he was trying to block out a noise… or voice…

“No! It was all you ! I’m.. I’m a monster now because of you ! Get the fuck out of my head!”

Kai’s eyes widened in realization. This whole time… did Lloyd’s oni manifest itself as a voice in his head? Is that what pulled him into the horrific things that he had done? Did it whisper to him about unimaginable horrors that tormented Lloyd’s consciousness? Why hadn’t he seen it before?

Lloyd was now pulling at his hair, muttering nonsense- or words of hatred. Kai wasn’t sure what to do. He wasn’t sure if Lloyd or his oni would win at this state. He listened carefully, noticing that Lloyd was letting out low whines and breathing harshly. It sounded like he was sobbing, or at least trying to. The sound shot a pang through Kai’s heart, and he took a few steps forward.

“Lloyd…”

A sudden burst of purple caused Kai to flinch and cover his eyes. His breath caught in his throat. Did it not work? Did the oni win? But after a moment of nothing happening, he uncovered his eyes. Simultaneous worry and relief filled him at the sight he saw.

Lloyd was back to his normal two-armed self, kneeling on the ground with his head still in his hands. He was shaking, and still breathing heavily. He looked… Kai didn’t know how to put it into words.

The other ninja had wandered out onto the platform. They were all visibly exhausted and sporting injuries. Kai figured that they had rushed over after the vengestone warriors crumbled from the vanishing of the oni power that gave them life. He watched them all regard Lloyd with mixed expressions.

“Hey! He’s back to normal!” Jay exclaimed, “What- Oh shit !” The blue ninja rushed over to where Cole was lying on the ground. Zane followed him and examined the earth ninja’s state.

“Get him out of here, then to somewhere that he can be helped.” Kai asked. Both ninja nodded, beginning to carefully move their brother.

The ones who remained were PIXAL and Nya. He knew that all three of them should stay (Well, Kai shouldn’t because of his injuries that definitely needed to be taken care of, but there was no way that he was leaving now), yet after a moment of thought decided that PIXAL would need to leave, preferably to help Cole.

He turned to the nindroid, “Look, I know you probably want to stay, but considering…” -this is the same man who killed your father…

PIXAL nodded, “It would be best if I take my leave,” She agreed, “Please make sure that he is safe.” With that, she walked away. Kai pondered the meaning of ‘safe’, and whether that meant if Lloyd was safe, or if he was safe to be around. It was probably both, he realized with a frown. The wound at his side and the injury in his wrist seemed to twinge as if to emphasize the idea.

Kai and Nya turned to face Lloyd. He hadn’t moved, still shaking. Kai could only guess at the thoughts that ran through his head. The red ninja moved forward until he was right in front of his brother. He kneeled down in front of him to get closer to his eye level, biting back any sounds of pain from agitating his injuries.

“It’ll be okay.” He said, quiet and assuring. He wasn’t sure if he was being truthful, but he thought it might help in the moment.

“No… It won’t…” Kai’s heart sank at the tone in Lloyd’s voice. He sounded so defeated … so shaky, lost, hopeless .

Lloyd continued, “I’ve… I’ve killed so many people… and I can’t stop seeing all of the blood… the burning or torn up insides of innocents that I-” He took a particularly rough breath, “-and it’s everywhere . I just… Why did I give in so easily?!”

He finally removed his hands and looked up. He looked absolutely horrified and distraught. Tears streamed down from his red eyes. Red… So, he didn’t have any powers at the moment. Kai didn’t know if that was a good thing.

Kai held his gaze, “You were hurting, and your oni took advantage of that,” He reached his uninjured left hand up and ruffled Lloyd’s hair, “That wasn’t you doing those things.”

That only made Lloyd sob harder, “But it was me! I let it trick me with it’s whispers, and I believed it. I let it… change me into… into an unredeemable monster. I remember enjoying the things I did, and… I can’t tell if I ever stopped. That scares me, so much …”

Kai was worried, and he knew that Nya was too. The things that Lloyd was saying… he’s going to need some serious help to heal. Kai wanted to do his best to ensure that happened. Lloyd had been through so much, more than Kai could ever understand. He stayed silent, letting his brother get his feelings out.

“Even now… I can hear it pushing me to become.. that … again. I’m horrified to think that it would just take a second to…” He shivered, shaking his head. Kai guessed that he was trying to push the voice’s words away.

“It won’t. We’ll stick with you and help you get through this.” Kai meant every word.

Lloyd stood up and turned away, “You don’t know that.”

Nya moved forward to stand next to Kai, “Lloyd, we’re family, and that means we help each other. We’ll be there every step of the way and give you the help you need.”

“You don’t get it!” Lloyd whipped around and fixed them with a desperate, pleading glare, “That thing is a part of me! I have to live with it forever ! I don’t know if I can trust myself to keep it contained! I’m… I’m a danger…” He trailed off, gaze falling to the ground.

“No, you’re not.” Kai’s voice was firm, “We’ll get through this, like we always do.” He heard Lloyd actually chuckle at that. He momentarily felt a spark of happiness. Did that mean that he was going to come back?

“Like always, huh?” But Lloyd’s voice was hollow… empty, “Even though most of the stuff we’ve been through… It’s all my fault, isn’t it? There were so many consequences to my actions. Even when things weren’t caused by those actions… I was still a target. Useless. Powerless. I was evil in the beginning, and I am evil now.”

Kai and Nya were both alarmed. They simultaneously shouted various versions of ‘that’s not true!’ . Kai’s heart beat faster at Lloyd’s words, worried about the implications of them. Was that really what Lloyd thought of himself?

“...I didn’t know you felt that way. You’ve gotta stop holding this in, okay? You know that I’ve always listened, and helped .” Again, Kai was choosing his words carefully. He wasn’t quite sure why, though.

“But you weren’t there when I broke.”

Kai froze, guilt creeping up on him again. He couldn’t even deny it. He had seen Lloyd being on edge following the battle with the Crystal King, yet he didn’t push when he had been turned away. He started to wonder if this was all his fault…

Lloyd picked up the sword that Kai had dropped, examining its edge with a guarded expression, “I’m… I’m so sorry for the mess I’ve made, now… and across the years.”

Kai’s eyes widened in horror as he made a realization. He quickly moved forward, “Wait-”

“You should have left me behind in that volcano.”

Kai was a moment too late when he saw Lloyd turn the blade to point at himself-

“Lloyd!”

-and plunge it straight through his torso.

Chapter Text

He didn’t regret it. At least, that was what he told himself. But even then, did his opinion really matter anymore?

He must’ve been lying down now, since his legs felt like they wouldn’t support him no matter how hard he tried. He thinks he can feel the cool press of the ground below him, so that must be it. But it was also… warm? He can’t really tell what he’s feeling.

Oh, right. The warmth was his blood.

Upon recognizing that, Lloyd felt the pain from the hole in his torso seize him like lightning. He couldn’t help but whimper as a particularly strong wave of pain slammed into him. It burned more than a usual stab wound, maybe his stomach acid was seeping onto other organs. The thought made him wince. He should have aimed higher, between the fourth and fifth ribs. Or perhaps even a slice across the neck. Then, it would be over far quicker than his current situation.

What was he thinking? He didn’t deserve an easy way out. He’s a monster. He’s destroyed so much… killed so much… and it was completely his own fault. This was the only way to prevent that from happening again.

“You fool! You had so much in your grasp, and you throw it away like this! Pathetic. Do you think you will be happy like this?”

No. Not at all.

Maybe he hadn’t truly been happy when he let his oni take control. Lloyd remembered his enjoyment at the horrible acts he committed, the dopamine rush. But was he happy? Maybe not. Maybe it was just the sick, twisted, fucked up part of him that found amusement in the loss of life. Why would he be happy about that?

…Maybe he was wrong. Maybe the enjoyment had been genuine.

Lloyd quickly banished the thought. What the fuck was wrong with him? Was he so fucked up that his sick feelings were real? He felt like he was losing his mind- No… It was already gone the moment he first gave in to the monstrous part of him.

Which is why this was the right choice… Right?

“...oyd?”

The voice jerked him out of his thoughts. He groggily opened his eyes- When had he closed them?- and glanced at the direction of the voice. He could barely make out two blurry shapes rushing forward and stopping right in front of him. The red one knelt down, and Lloyd tried to focus on their face. He thinks he’s seen him before.

Tears. There were tears in the red one’s eyes. Why was that? His mouth was moving, but Lloyd couldn’t quite hear the words. The voice in his head kept screaming at him, drowning out any sounds from the world around him. He closed his eyes, focusing his energy on willing the voice to just be quiet.

It became silent. And then immediately after, there was noise.

Lloyd opened his eyes again to look for the source of the noise. This time, he recognized the figure in front of him, and it filled him with a pain that almost matched that of his wound.

Kai. His brother.

“Hey… Hey. You’re gonna… you’re gonna be fine. Okay? Please, just…” The red ninja’s voice trailed off. His voice was filled with so much pain, the tears audible in his tone. There were so many emotions, one of them… guilt?

Lloyd swallowed the iron taste in his mouth. He knew that Kai was only trying to convince himself. Lloyd didn’t feel like he was going to be fine. He knew what he was doing when he did what he did.

He was going to die.

Something pressed into the wound at his front, making Lloyd let out a small groan at the agony that flared up. He looked down to see that Kai had ripped off a piece of his gi and was using it with one hand to apply pressure on the injury in an attempt to stanch the bleeding. That wouldn’t do any good, as he was still bleeding out the back.

…Why wasn’t Kai using both hands? Surely that would be a little more efficient… Right. Lloyd frowned slightly as he remembered grasping Kai’s wrist and breaking it with a resounding snap. If that was the case, then why was he not going to get it healed? Why was he wasting time in a futile attempt to save Lloyd’s life?

“Just hang on, buddy. Nya’s gone to get help. Just… Just hang on, okay? I can’t lose you.” Kai’s voice was breaking, the tears streaming endlessly down his face.

What was he talking about, not being able to lose him? Lloyd has done so many unredeemable and fucked up acts. Why would anyone want him to stay? That wasn’t fair to anyone.

“Wh… Why?” Lloyd croaked. That hurt to get out. It was beginning to feel like his lungs were working overtime.

Kai snapped his gaze up to look at him, eyes wide, “H-Huh? Lloyd… what do you mean ‘why’?”

Lloyd had to take a moment’s pause. He kept breathing deeply, but it still didn’t feel like enough air. On top of that, the agony in his torso was starting to dwindle. No… Rather, he was starting to feel numb.

He took in a shaky, pained breath, “Why… After all I’ve d-done… Would you want… want me around…?”

“Lloyd…” Kai had a look in his eyes that made the younger want to turn away, “I told you that I forgave you. You remember, right? You might not be able to see it yourself, but… you’re still you. I love you, greenie. We need our leader, we need you. You mean so much to me, to all of us.”

Lloyd’s throat tightened. Oh… Well that wasn’t fair. His eyes stung as tears welled up and spilled over his cheeks.

“...I’m sorry.” He whispered.

Lloyd was sorry for a lot of things. He was sorry for all the times he held in his feelings, causing his mentality to deteriorate. He was sorry for torturing and killing countless people, many of which he couldn’t name. He was sorry for hurting his family, both physically and emotionally. He was sorry for letting people down. He was sorry for leaving his cup on the counter after he drank water out of it. He was sorry for… this.

And Kai, being his brother, understood all of it.

“I know. We’ll get through this like we always have, right…?” He spoke with such a determination that the guilt Lloyd felt only increased.

Kai kept lying. Lloyd wasn’t getting through this. His peripheral vision had long since blurred and it was getting increasingly difficult to focus on the things in front of him. That numbing feeling had spread, and in the parts that it didn’t reach, he felt cold.

What if he didn’t want to die? The thought lingered in the far corners of his mind, and Lloyd found himself toying with it.

He started to panic. His breath caught in his throat as his anxiety decreased his ability to take in air. He didn’t even think about the consequences of his actions, did he? He was just blindly following his fear to end the evil within him. Maybe this was a mistake.

No. This had to be done. That evil could- no, will come back. He had to destroy it, even if it meant destroying himself.

But… perhaps this was the peace that he had sought all along.

Lloyd thought about his past, about everything that had transpired. He had been thrown into a predetermined fate without choice, with no chance of escape. He frequently questioned why everything led back to him. Why had he been made to fight battles that no one else could fight? And of those battles, how many had occurred because of a domino effect from actions he had done in the past? So much could be connected to that stupid decision he had made to free the serpentine when he was a kid. Perhaps when he was gone, evil wouldn’t target Ninjago.

It was exhausting, constantly dealing with the burden of being the Green Ninja. He never got a moment's rest, always fighting for a better tomorrow. The thought of leaving it all had occurred to him more than once, but he always banished it and convinced himself that he was being ridiculous, that he had no right to think such things.

His breathing slowed, though for all the wrong reasons. Lloyd resigned himself to this fate, thinking of a hazy image of bright grass and clear skies.

But even so…

“K-Kai…” He began, struggling to focus on the red figure in front of him, “Don’t… Don’t blame y-yourself…”

A last wish. He wanted to erase the guilt in his brother’s eyes as much as he could. He may have found his peace, but he was well aware of the sorrow he would leave behind. The remorse gnawed at him, but this was the right thing to do. He believed it.

The light faded…

…and the whispers grew quiet.

—

Kai blamed himself.

That was the only thought that bounced around in his otherwise empty head after feeling his younger brother grow unnaturally cold in his arms. He felt an unmeasurable guilt at going against Lloyd’s last words, but he just couldn’t stop blaming himself.

He couldn’t even tell where he was at the moment. The last few moments were foggy. The most prominent thing he could remember was watching Lloyd’s red eyes go dull as his movement ceased. Kai remembers screaming his name over and over again and trying to get him to wake up, barely registering the wetness on his cheeks. He remembers the pain in his arm withering away as the pain in his heart gripped him like claws. He remembers thrashing and screaming as another figure tried to drag him away. 

Lloyd didn’t wake up.

Kai felt like he was still there, forever gazing into the dead eyes of his brother. That image was burned into his brain, along with a chorus of “why?”s. Why did Lloyd do that? Why couldn’t Kai stop it? Why couldn’t he have just been a good brother and fucking helped when Lloyd needed it?

He took an unsteady breath in, and slowly opened his eyes. He didn’t know how he got here, but he didn’t feel like thinking about it.

The red ninja sat on the roof of the monastery, motionless as he stewed in both guilt and grief. The sun painted an orange glow across the sky as it set. Kai was scared that it would go down and not come up with Lloyd gone. The thought caused the claws in his heart to tighten their grip. He still didn’t want to believe that what he saw was real.

Maybe this was all an incredibly fucked up dream that pulled from his worst fears. But that thought was silly, and a complete disillusion.

He gained enough focus to look around, noticing the cast and sling on his arm. Did he get patched up? He didn’t remember that. He shifted, noticing that there was bandaging on his side as well. He’d almost forgotten about that injury.

The sound of footsteps brought him out of his thoughts. The footsteps stopped, and someone sat right beside him. Kai didn’t even have to look to tell him who it was. An arm wrapped around him in a side hug. He didn’t pull away, as much as he would rather be alone. However, someone who knew him way too well and decided to stay anyway just pulled him tighter.

“I… I can only guess how you feel,” Nya’s voice was gentle, opposite to Kai’s thoughts. There was a distinct dullness in her tone, though, “We all miss him, but you…”

Right. Lloyd was everyone’s brother. Get a hold of yourself.

Kai sighed, feeling so helplessly lost. He wasn’t sure if he could recover this time. He’d blamed himself for so many of the things he’d lost, but this was permanent. Forever. Lloyd never woke up, and maybe a part of Kai never had either.

Nya wordlessly hugged him tighter, offering any comfort she could give. Kai hesitated, then leaned in closer to her. He couldn’t tell if the comfort worked or not, as the numb feeling was coming back. He did know that he appreciated the act.

Thinking about the future caused him panic. The image of his last sight of Lloyd haunted his mind, burning and scarring and tearing into him worse than anything else that he had to live through. He didn’t know if he could make it through this. However…

He turned and glanced at his sister, then shifted his gaze back to the setting sun. They were all hurting from the same pain. It was bound to get worse before it got better.

Maybe the guilt and grief he felt would never leave, but there was a chance he could grow to live around it.

—

Somewhere far off, a golden petal drifted through the wind.