Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Wind was biting at Seungmin's cheeks when he woke up. Everything was incomprehensible from the moment his eyes met the darkness that surrounded his bedroom. His body was already used to the heat of a clinging friend by his side, accompanied by light snoring, but somehow everything was different that night.

 Curtains hastily blew into the room, as the window was broadly open and cold wind whistled its way in. Seungmin's biggest concern was his best friend. He was missing from the bed.

Strange, Seungmin had thought as he got up from his bed. He was fearful; however, his curiosity carried him to that window. How it could’ve been opened without a sound was beyond him, unless it was from inside the house.

Suddenly his tracks went cold the moment his gaze locked with the bloody handprint on the window handle.

His mind suddenly became hazy, filled with confusion and newly discovered crippling fear. His friend wasn’t in there with him and his window panels were painted scarlet. Without hesitance, Seungmin followed the bloody trail, even though he knew where it would lead him.

Seungmin woke with a gasp and bile rising up his throat. He tried swallowing everything down but to no avail, which prompted his feet down to the bathroom across the hallway, where he buried his head down the toilet.

This was a mess. He was a mess. He hasn’t felt such weakness in a long time. It made him feel out of touch with himself, as if he was an outsider watching his old self-struggle again. It felt like the self he’d always ran from had finally caught up with him.

After his retching session, he balanced his back upon the bathtub while shivering, shaky breath escaped him. It was hard not to cry when he tried so hard to never come back to where he currently was mentally. He silently sobbed, biting his lip to cease any sounds from eluding him, trying not to wake anyone but it proved a futile attempt.

“Seungmin…? Oh,” Felix bent down next to him to assess his state. His shoulders slumped as he saw how shaken Seungmin was, and faint lines creased between his eyes. “The dreams have started again?” he asked, carefully.

“I’m fine,” Seungmin whispered between sobs. Moreover, Felix knew him better than most, so he knew that those words uttered were nothing but a cry for help.

Felix coerced him to stand and guided him back to his room. They got into bed and Felix engulfed him into a warm embrace with his small arms, which was more than what Seungmin deserved. He didn’t deserve Felix’s kindness and tenderness, that’s why he cried out of guilt now.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Felix gently asked.

Seungmin merely shook his head.

“Okay, when you feel better then?” Felix muttered, his voice always patient.

Even though he didn’t answer, Seungmin knew that Felix would bring it up later either way. So, for now he snuggled closer to his chest, releasing a shaky sigh. Thankful to have Felix by his side through thick and thin.

*

In the morning, Seungmin woke to the smell of coffee and distant chattering. The bitter taste in his mouth made him get off bed immediately and head to the bathroom.

He caught a glimpse of Changbin in the kitchen on his way to wash up then cringed immediately.

Memories of the night flooded his mind, and then he remembered Changbin had spent the night here. Seungmin wondered if he’d witnessed his ‘break down’. That would be a whole topic in his group chat with Minho and Chan, Seungmin thought. Changbin would tell them how he was literally crazy, and they’d laugh about him and cackle at Minho for getting involved with crazy Seungmin.

After brushing his teeth, Seungmin decided to take a shower hoping that Changbin would’ve left by the time he was done. He didn’t think he could deal with anyone besides Felix today.

Usually, he depended on Minho’s touch to curb unnecessary thoughts from invading his peace of mind, but since they had their fallout, which wasn’t even Seungmin’s fault, it would take a miracle to have them in the same room.

Seungmin needed a new coping mechanism fast before he burdened Felix again, because the latter shouldn’t have to worry about whether Seungmin was eating, sleeping and taking care of himself. Felix deserved to live freely like everyone; he deserves it more than others do.

Maybe he could finally go and pursue the internship his father had been suggesting for years or get back to playing the guitar and writing music, anything to keep his mind busy in this newly gained time.

He still found Changbin in the kitchen. He was munching on blueberry pancakes, and Felix was adding more pancakes onto his plate that still had plenty left. Felix was finally living his dream of falling for a man who adored eating as much as he loved cooking.

 Seungmin rolled his eyes while greeting them.

He felt it, the change in the atmosphere once they were aware of his presence. The lower chuckles, clanking of forks and slurping of coffee ceased immediately. He feigned ignorance though, opting to hum to a nonexistent song as he poured a cup of coffee.

Clearing his throat, Changbin cautiously asked “Seungmin, are you okay?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?” irritated, he turned to face both of them, head tilted. His nonchalance could trick Changbin, who merely nodded at the rude answer but not Felix who was simultaneously disappointed and worried. The look Felix gave him made him feel guilty, so he sighed as he leaned on the counter. “I’m sorry, Changbin. Thanks for asking, I feel…” he still didn’t know if he witnessed the ordeal or if Felix recited it (unlikely), “I feel better.”

“Yeah, I figured,” Changbin said, eating his pancakes again but stopped chewing when he realized that Felix was glaring at him, which amused Seungmin. “Uh… that’s good. I’m glad you feel that way.”

Seungmin suppressed a chuckled between tight lips.

“Hungry? I made your favorite.” Felix said, already filling up Seungmin's plate.

“You’re aware that I don’t even like blueberries,” Seungmin whined but pulling the plate towards him anyway. “When you’re doing that road trip, I won’t even buy them.”

“Yeah about that, we were thinking that—” Changbin purposely cleared his throat to interrupt Felix. “I was thinking that maybe I shouldn’t go or maybe you could come with us. I don’t want to leave you on your own especially with what happened last night.”

There it was. He was already burdening him. Felix has been planning this summer road trip for months, they’d saved up for it and that’s all he’s been talking about. He anticipated it more than his birthday and knowing Felix, that was a big deal. Now, he’s willing to abandon it or alter every detail to fit Seungmin in, which would be an inconvenience. This was going to be their thing as a couple; he couldn’t possibly ruin that for them, for Felix.

Seungmin shook his head, setting his utensils down. “I already said that I feel better.” Even if it was a lie, he couldn’t keep holding his best friend back. “There is no need for you to miss this. And I can take care of myself really well.”

“See, I told you. He’s fine and—”

“And I told you that I know him more than you do. He isn’t fine, or ‘better’. I can’t just leave him as he is, going through a mental turmoil. What kind of friend would I be?”

“Seungmin are you going through a mental turmoil?”

“He won’t answer you honestly.” Felix turns his chair to face Changbin. Glaring as he asked “Why do you make it sound taboo that Seungmin would have issues, like he isn’t human?”

Seungmin shifted uncomfortably on his chair. The conversation might’ve centered around him however he didn’t want to be present for it.

It was no secret to him that most people in their lives don’t really like him nor do they feel obligated to. Most of their ‘friends’ were there for Felix, revolved around him and Seungmin was their ‘friend’ by association, so it’s easy to never consider his feelings or genuinely care about him.

“That’s not what I implied. My concern is that you treat him like a child and he isn’t. He’s grown. He can take care of himself,” Changbin carefully challenged Felix.

“You think that I don’t know that? I am well aware of that, but you don’t know him. Whenever Seungmin goes through hard times, I’m one of the few people he can talk to and you want me to turn my back on him?”

“Okay, there is no need for all this chaos so early in the morning,” Seungmin said, trying to break the tension between the couple, though it didn’t falter Felix’s fury directed to Changbin. “Can’t we just eat in peace?”

Suddenly Changbin stood; claiming to have lost his appetite then proceeded towards Felix’s bedroom, probably on a quest to collect his overnight bag. Felix sighed deeply; he also got up from the table, clearing out their plates.

The silence was deafening, considering that the morning was bound to be buzzing with the final preparations for the road trip.

 School year ended a few days ago, with constant celebrations finally underway, people were returning home or taking their vacations, like Felix and Changbin.

They’re supposed to go on a summer long road trip. Felix had invited Seungmin when they started planning but the former couldn’t even comprehend how one would subject themselves to endless roads and no true destination, so he refused the offer. And of course, he wasn’t interested in third wheeling anyone.

Now, Seungmin understood that he was the reason for the sudden tension. It was never lost to him that he had the talent of causing distress in other people’s lives, but he’s been trying to keep to himself, to avoid the uneasiness but it seemed ineffective. Especially when staying with Felix, it was an impossible attempt, because he liked making Seungmin’s problems his own. He honestly wished that it wasn’t that way, It brought a sense of pity in his friend’s devotion towards him without fault.

After Changbin left without as much as a goodbye, Felix settled himself back down. He looked tired and pensive. This wasn’t the sunshine Felix everyone was familiar with, the one in front of Seungmin was just a scared little boy who would never let himself revel in the embrace of happiness, dreading that it would eventually slip away from him, like it always did. Seungmin knew that feeling well enough, it has engraved itself so deep in his soul.

“What triggered them?” Felix's head tilted to the side, curiously.

In spite of his food slowly turning to ash in the mouth, Seungmin finished chewing. He knew exactly what was being asked but he chose to ignore it. “I don’t want to talk about that.”

“Minnie, I’m just trying to help you.”

Seungmin abandoned his food at that. Felix knew that Seungmin was beyond repair. When they were young, it seemed as if their roles were reversed but the more they grew up it became more evident on whose screws were loose. Perhaps they were both still messed up but Felix trained himself to blend in with the rest of society. Most things in their lives were complicated but one thing’s certain, Kim Seungmin was irreparable.

“Last night was just an anomaly. I haven’t experienced those dreams in years,” a white lie, Felix was blissful in his ignorance. “And I’m sorry you had to witness all of that again, it must’ve dug up unpleasant memories for you too.”

Felix’s eyes trail the lines on his palms, a deflection, still he relents. “Yeah just a little, however I feel a slight obligation to –”

“Well, you shouldn’t,” he cuts through his words before he can finish.

“Seungmin–” Felix’s gaze snapped back to his.

“Felix, Enough! I’m fine.” It’s been a while since he felt any form of irritation towards Felix. “I need you to stop treating me like a child. You need to allow me to function on my own because it’s not fair to you or me, when you play the role of a psychologist in our friendship, trying to build me up every time you think I’ve collapsed. Where does that leave you? When do you make time for yourself?”

“But, what about you?” he asked, almost pleading.

“I’m grown now, Lix. Let me handle my problems on my own, okay. What you need to do now is finish packing your bags and go on that trip with your boyfriend, just the two of you.”

“No…” Felix shook his head, always so stubborn.

“I promise I’ll be alright.” Leaning atop the counter, Seungmin held out his finger and said “I pinky promise, okay?”

Felix glared but not at Seungmin, he must’ve felt conflicted. His biggest fear had always been abandoning Seungmin, thus their attachment to each other. If he lets Seungmin win this that would mean actually letting go, something he’d always dreaded.

“Is my word not enough to ease you?” Seungmin asked, eyes searching Felix’s, hesitant yet hoping.

“Okay,” he intertwined the pinkies, and hoped that Seungmin didn’t say all these words to just back him off.

*

“Seungmin-ssi, you may go in now,” said the lady with a tight smile, sitting behind the desk just outside his father’s office.

He nodded politely, a tiny pretentious smile ghosted his lips as he pushed to open the door.

When he’d arrived, she’d refused him access to his father with a rather shallow claim that he was in an important meeting, oblivious to her swollen lips and some strands of her messy bun falling to the sides. He knew she’d purposely left it for his interpretation, as if he wasn’t already aware about their carnal affairs.

Cold air assaulted his senses when he entered, clicks of keyboard buttons and an opera record softly playing in the background. He dragged himself to the chair across from the man.

“How are you, my boy?” he carefully asked, eyes trailed to finally meet Seungmin’s, to which Seungmin averted immediately opting to gaze past him.

“Can we skip the formalities and just get to why you summoned me here,” Seungmin muttered.

“Am I wrong to ask about the well being of my child?” the apparent concern was evident on his father’s face, however, when is he ever not concerned about Seungmin.

“If it is asked genuinely without a hidden agenda in mind then I might be inclined to answer. But, I know you, and your mind is on the former,”

“You’re wrong this time, Seungmin. I worry about you,” he leaned forward, twisting his marital ring. His slightly wrinkled face frowned. “I’ve been having countless sleepless nights and my work days are all occupied by the thought of you. Especially, with Felix being away, there’s nothing stopping you from falling back to your old self. I needed to see that—"

“How many times am I allowed to reiterate my state of mind? I told you, just yesterday, that I am fine,” he emphasized.

Seungmin’s father shook his head, eyes narrowed, he didn’t believe a word that came out of his son’s mouth. “But you aren’t. You’ve lost some weight since the last time I saw you—"

“I’m on a diet.”

“…you’ve have been ignoring most of my phone calls,”

“I have a busy life, dad,” Seungmin argued.

“… and you’ve been skipping therapy for weeks,”

“Ah there it is! The true reason for my being here,” he stood up, walked up to the window past his father, peering out to the splendid view of Han River.

The conversation about his therapist was long overdue. Seungmin refused to understand the fact that his therapist updated his father about everything that goes on in his life.

"You don't have classes and assignments anymore, Seungmin. I'd imagine you'd have plenty of time in your hands to at least see your goddamn therapist,” his patience waned by the minute.

They had this conversation at least once a year, thus, it was past the brink of exhaustion. Seungmin and his father carried similar personality traits, a clear contribution as to why they kept going round and round in the same circle. Something had to change.

“It’s unethical for Mr. Kang to divulge my sessions with him to you—”

“Or lack thereof,” his father interrupted but it did not deter Seungmin.

“…and I don’t see the point of going to him anymore, so I stopped and I won’t ever return.”

The old man wearily turned his chair to gaze upon his son. “Seungmin, I am getting old. I don’t want to die knowing that I have failed you as a parent. You are my pride and joy and I’ll be damn if I let you wither in my wake.”

“I refuse to be your pride and joy,” Seungmin’s face contorted when he whirled to glance at him, and a shaky sighed escaped him.

“Seungmin…”

“I don’t want to go to therapy anymore. I don’t see the use in it when the things that weigh me down are the secrets you don’t want us to utter to a single soul,” he gritted his teeth, giving his father a pointed look.

“I am trying to protect all of us.”

“And I am tired of it. I’m so fucking tired of it!”

“Enough! We shouldn’t have this conversation any longer.” His father’s hand slammed against the table, and jawline hardened.

Seungmin was pissed off too, he wanted to walk out, wanted to avoid the world and everyone in it, including those he cared about.

“We have to talk about the internship.” His father said, completely avoiding their argument.

“What about it?” Seungmin gritted his teeth, again.

“I have a client for you,” he goes through the plethora of files on his table until he finds the one he wants, then extends it to Seungmin. “He’s around your age, hence, you’d feel more comfortable working with him, if there is a case to begin with.”

“No.”

“Perhaps it sounded like a suggestion but it wasn’t, you will do this, Seungmin. And you’re going back to therapy, do you understand?” he narrowed his eyes.

“Or what, Dad?” Seungmin tilted his head to the side, challenging him. “You’ll make me return home?”

His father beamed with pride, standing up, he handed Seungmin the file. “You know me so well, my boy. Do as I say, then we won’t have to come to the place where I have to keep my eyes on you.”

He knew that Seungmin craved his freedom. He valued it above many other things, and his father paid for the apartment that he and Felix resided. He wasn’t afraid to use that fact as a control measure, especially during this holiday. It was a fight that Seungmin wasn’t going to win, at least at the moment.

Seungmin didn’t have a choice, he opened the file and gazed upon the contents.

Client’s name: Hwang Hyunjin. and his case was trivial, ungrounded claims of art fraud. If he gets this done with perhaps his father will release him from this predicament.

“Fine, I’ll do as you say,” Seungmin forced a smile as he said.

Chapter Text

 “And what did you eat today?” Seungmin groaned as he landed upon a puddle of water just as he exited the bus.

He hadn’t prepared to open the umbrella, slightly occupied by the phone call, while trying to make up a creative lie to the question, thankfully it was only drizzling so he just sauntered to the sidewalk.

There wasn’t really much to his diet anymore, especially if all he was going to do was throw it all up again.

“I ate…food. What does it matter anyway?” He could’ve came up with something better, especially when Felix had a degree in Seungmin’s deflection techniques.

It was such a lame thing to do, not being upfront with him when he was clearly concerned.

“That was the same answer as yesterday, and it worries me a lot. It means you aren’t eating enough, if you’re eating at all,” Felix sternly said. And Seungmin wanted to end their call. He wasn’t in the mood to be reprimanded for his life’s decisions, as if he were a child. “I think maybe we could return early. If you just tell me to come home…”

“And do what? Look, I’ve been eating.” He sighed heavily to emphasize his tiredness in that regard. “I saw my father yesterday and finally took that internship he’s been berating me about. Everything’s well this side.”

“Really?” He sounded surprised but Seungmin didn’t take it to heart.

“Yes… I am going to meet my new client right now.”

“I think that’s great, Minnie.” Felix’s tone was still in disbelief because it was that ‘I’ll believe it when I see it’ sort of situation. “And It puts me at ease knowing that you’re alright.”

Seungmin knows his best friend. Felix wasn’t at ease, he’s never at ease whenever they separate for a long amount of time. There is always the fear that something might happen, be it good or bad, and the possibility that they wouldn’t be a call away from each other never puts them at ease.

“I'm glad, Lix” he pinched the bridge of his nose, and ceased just outside the building he’s meant to enter. “So…how are things that side?”

“It’s been fun. Yesterday, we spent a day at a beach…” he snickered “…without sunscreen, Seungmin. The worst mistake ever, if you could see my face… wait I’m switching to FaceTime.”

“No! If we switch, we’re never going to stop talking and I might miss my meeting.”

The meeting wasn’t even official. When his father handed him the file, it was clear that he didn’t want to have to deal with this client and the paralegals were rather occupied with other cases that didn’t require undivided attention. Apparently, the artist had quite the reputation of making unfounded claims, thus, many people didn’t wanted to deal with him.

In all honesty, he had lost a bit of weight and Felix was always quick to notice it. He didn’t want to have to deal with everything that would follow when he noticed.

“Oh, okay. I guess we can do that later, yeah?”

“Yeah…” Seungmin nodded, he hated lying and especially to Felix.

White lies were necessary though, especially since he wasn’t really hurting anyone.

*

Seungmin stood silently in front of the door to his new client’s apartment. He hadn’t prepared a flowery prose to appease the artist, had no idea which words to utter.

His father had said that Seungmin didn’t need to practice anything, it was in his blood to charm anyone but that wasn’t true. Seungmin was incapable of charm, he could be vile, or slightly conniving but never charming. And so what? Slight ambition wasn’t exactly a bad thing.

If he was charming then people wouldn’t find it hard to like him. If he was charming maybe he’d have more than one friend who probably deserved more. If he was charming maybe, just maybe Minho would’ve seen him more as a person with feelings than a sex object.

It didn’t matter. It’s as they always said, a leopard never changes its spots. Seungmin could try as hard as he could but he could never become what he wasn’t to appease anyone.

He knocked, then stood there anticipating. Before he came here, he’d did a slight surfing on the internet, curious about who his client was.

Hwang Hyunjin had a reputation. He was nowhere near Pablo Picasso or Vincent Van Gogh level of fame but he was well known in the Asian art community.

The door was abruptly opened to reveal him. It was one thing to see him through the net and social media but a completely out of world experience to actually perceive him in real time. Hyunjin was a wonder to behold, his gentle eyes creased slightly as his lips pulled into a polite business-like smile.

“You must be Kim Seungmin?” he squinted his eyes, head tilted to the side while hogging the door.

Seungmin cleared his throat before answering. “Oh yes. You can just call me Seungmin. I’m from Yoon Kim Attorneys and Associates.” He extended his hand, then Hyunjin’s shook with his calloused.

“I know,” Hyunjin indicated for him to enter, as he retreated further into his place.

Seungmin had no expectation for the artist’s place but he definitely didn’t expect it to be a loft apartment. It was evident that his client wasn’t exactly a minimalist, the place was adorned with many plants at every corner, stacks upon stacks of books on the floor next to countless canvas and multiple freehand drawings splattered carelessly on the walls. It was a bit earthy and musty but not to the point of Seungmin’s discontentment.

He trailed towards where his host stood in the kitchen. “How exactly do you know?”

“Well, someone from the attorneys’ office told me to expect you today.” he politely said. “Would you like something to drink?”

“No, thank you,” surprisingly, Seungmin was nervous. He could’ve easily asked for water to ease his nerves. “I would like to get into the gist of everything if you don’t mind.”

Hyunjin nodded, offered Seungmin a sit and waited. He was analyzing Seungmin for a moment, eyes slightly perusing. Seungmin merely took out his notebook and started going over things he'd gathered from Hyunjin’s file.

“Are you new to the company?” Hyunjin asked before Seungmin could start.

“Yes. I’m just an intern.” He said then looked up from his book. His client squinted his eyes, head rested on his hand, before he could complain about being sent an intern or anything, Seungmin asked. “So, you claim that someone stole your painting?”

“No… I never said that.” Hyunjin frowned, his shoulder length dark hair swayed as when he shook his head. “I said that someone is imitating my painting style, my composition, brushwork, use of colour and everything else.” He calmly explained.

“Oh, they’re obviously inspired by your work, right?”

Chuckling humorlessly, Hyunjin sauntered to take a seat next to Seungmin. “They’re selling the paintings, which has to be illegal. The firm has to do something about it.”

Hyunjin rose to prominence a few years ago, when he exhibited two of his most famous paintings at an art gallery in downtown Seoul. It should’ve been an expectation that people would draw inspiration from him after his success. It happens all the time when an artist does well for themselves, people try to replicate the formula hoping that it would also bring them glory.

“Mr. Hwang–”

“Just Hyunjin please.”

“Okay… Hyunjin, I’m going to be frank with you,” he set his pen and notebook aside, turning to give his client full attention. “Someone using the same art style doesn’t warranty a copyright infringement because I’m pretty sure it’s not a complete image of your paintings.”

“Of course it doesn’t, you’re right. However, it must be art fraud since they’re signing the paintings using my name. Selling them with my name.”

“Oh…” Seungmin’s brows shot up and remained silent for a while before he dragged his book back, and scribbled. “Couldn’t you have led with that?”

“I’m sorry. I’m just really stressed. All of this could ruin my reputation. Besides my reputation, my livelihood is also threatened here. What do you think will happen to me when all those who thought they bought authentic Hyunjin paintings will do?”

Seungmin had no idea what the art society will do but he reckoned they’d riot at this abysmal crime. Thus, they sat there and discussed it further, Hyunjin told him how he found out about everything, and Seungmin had to assure him that the firm would have their best investigator to look into the case in order to find who the perpetrator was.

When they were done, Hyunjin told Seungmin that he felt at ease that someone actually believed him. “Everyone thinks I’m crazy or have a sense of superiority, that’s why they wouldn’t help me.”

“Well, everyone is a little crazy, so you wouldn’t be alone in that regard,” Seungmin said, packing his belongings into his bag.

“I know,” Hyunjin mused.

“You do?” Seungmin asked, stunned by Hyunjin’s agreement.

He smiled shyly as he stood. “Of course, my crazy seeps out of my head directly into a canvas. I can’t really cage it like other people, if I did then I’d lose my mind.”

“That’s… quite understandable.”

He might’ve understood him. Maybe he understood what he meant, especially when he used to put words down into a note book and sang them. That might have been the way he coped with his crazy. He didn’t voice that out though, he merely nodded in agreement.

Seungmin stood up to bid him farewell but before he could utter a single word the world suddenly began to whirl out of his control, vision blurred and the last thing he remembered were hands ceasing his inevitable fall and gingerly settled him on the floor.

For a moment it felt as if he was under water, eyes squeezed shut and the soft voice that called to him seemed worlds away. His mind completely cut him off his senses for minutes and kept him vulnerable, in front of a stranger.

When Seungmin finally came back to himself, heartbeat faintly sounding in his ears and steady breath centring in his lungs, he raised his head from between his legs – he didn’t even know how it got there – then he pressed his palms on his eyes.

“Here’s a glass of water,” Hyunjin softly said, with concern laid blatantly on his face.

Seungmin hesitantly reached for the glass with unsteady hands, proceeded to sip the water slowly. He became unnerved by the silence that prominently occupied the space.

All of this was embarrassing for him, he couldn’t even gaze up to his host out of the fear of what else he’d find there. If it was concern or judgement then he would move past it but pity was one thing he hated. He didn’t want anyone feeling sorry for him.

He just wanted to stand up and leave without a word and to never see him again or he would simply evaporate into thin air out of embarrassment.

“Should I call an ambulance? I feel that I should call for help or something,” He sounded nervous.

Seungmin shook his head, clutching the glass tightly and found words even when he didn’t feel like talking. “No I’ll be fine… can I just sit here for a moment?”

Well, guess he wasn’t embarrassed enough because why didn’t he just leave?

“Yeah, of course. Take all the time you need, I’ll be right here if you need anything.” Hyunjin meant right beside him in utter silence, just a quiet supportive being.

It was rather peculiar how the client was the one offering support to the lawyer, Seungmin almost laughed at that sentiment. If this wasn’t evidence to his lack of skills in the field, he didn’t know what would be.

“That was um… nothing,” Seungmin broke the silence.

Hyunjin blew at the hair falling gracefully onto his face, followed by a deep frown. “You don’t need to lie to me, you know. Or make an excuse. I’m merely a stranger to you.”

Somehow Seungmin took that as a cue that he might’ve overstayed his welcome, but when he began his ascend, Hyunjin’s tugged him back down and cautiously said “Not that I don’t trust your judgement or anything, but do you trust yourself to stand on your own?”

Seungmin boldly stared at him, at the brows drawn suspiciously and the two wrinkles between, his expression almost came out as judgmental instead of concern. It was amusing.

“I’m fine,” Seungmin suppressed laughter that bubbled at his throat, Hyunjin was adorable and he’ll be the first to admit it. “I should get back to the office before I get fired,” he could only dream.

“Yeah, okay. Just one more glass of water, yeah?” he grabbed the glass from Seungmin’s hands, stood up and extended his free hand down to Seungmin. Hyunjin didn’t trust his judgement after all.

“Okay,” he let himself be hauled by his friendly client.

Chapter Text

“There’s a huge merger happening at the moment, Seungmin.” Lee Junho said, settling down on his onyx black high back chair and adjusting his indigo cufflinks before idly resting his arms on the desk. “I need all hands on deck, and you pulling a disappearing act in the middle of a work day adds into unnecessary stress I don’t have time for.”

Seungmin took at deep sigh before sitting opposite Junho, setting a file on the table, leaned back and crossed his legs. “I know I should’ve called but I was really overwhelmed.”

Lee Junho huffed in complete irritation and perhaps a bit of disdain, and Seungmin was proud to elicit such emotions in him, an antithesis to his rather calm and collected demeanour. He wanted to bring forth more feelings but he weighed it against his time in the internship and thought it wise to be in his decent behaviour.

This was the person who would manage him throughout the internship after all. It didn’t matter if he was his father’s favourite subordinate, the one who came to their Christmas party last year and wooed everyone in attendance. Seungmin didn’t particularly like him but he could try to coexist with him.

He’d beckoned Seungmin into his office as soon as he arrived. Clearly, Junho wasn’t content to have learned Seungmin never returned to the office after his meeting with Hyunjin yesterday. He didn’t want to tell him that he wasn’t feeling well, because he would pass along that information to his father and that was Seungmin’s business.

“Do you even want to be here?” Junho gritted his teeth. “Have you any idea how many people would kill to be in your position?”

“When you talk to me about positions, kindly remind me, which is your favourite again?” Seungmin fought against the urge to break into a grin, there goes his effort of coexistence.

His supervisor’s hands folded into an instinctive fist before unwinding it and flexing his fingers then blatantly glared at Seungmin.

“Relax, Sunbaenim.” His lips finally broke into a pompous grin. “I won’t tell my father what happened between us after the party. Well, unless you want to go down the scolding road with me. I’d like to think of myself as frail, when people talk to me with slight condescension I fear I might break.”

“Alright then, what would you have me do? Pretend like you didn’t skip half a day of work?”

“Yes,” Seungmin nodded, enthusiastically.

“This isn’t day-care. We run a business here and when you don’t take responsibility for your actions, it falls on me and I will not have my reputation blemished by your unprofessionalism,” Junho curled his lip.

“If I promise it won’t happen again, will you stop acting like I stomped on your toys?”

Lee Junho, coming to terms with the fact that he couldn’t curb the intern’s insubordinate behaviour, merely sighed and leaned back on his chair. He knew Seungmin would be a challenge when his father introduced him to the team, with feigned boredom and slight annoyance. It was evident that there was no eagerness to learn, only the spirit of chaos adorned his depth. He treated being here like punishment.

“I promise to be professional, cross my heart and hope to die,” he motioned a cross sign on his chest, trying to be as sincere as possible.

“Fine. Next time when you need to leave early, report it to me,” if he didn’t let it go he was afraid he’d develop a migraine. “How did the meeting go with Hwang Hyunjin?”

Seungmin recoiled when he thought about how it ended. He was still humiliated about his misfortune. Hyunjin had been gracious in his hospitality, offering to take Seungmin back to work, which Seungmin politely refused, he even went as far as contacting Seungmin in the late afternoon to enquire about his health, if he’d made it safely to work and yes, he lied and told him he did.

“I don’t understand why I was assigned his case. Clearly, it needs someone well versed in fraud,” he uncrossed his legs.

“Fraud?”

It was Seungmin’s turn to glare at Junho. He pushed the file he came with towards him and watched his eyebrows rise as he perused the evidence that one of the firm’s investigator unearthed in a couple of hours.

“I thought this was just a plagiarism case,” Junho closed the file.

“Clearly, as you can see, someone is using his signature and profiting with paintings that aren’t his.” Seungmin sighed, “Assign him an experienced attorney… he does pay you, doesn’t he?”

Junho pinched the bridge of his nose, perhaps thinking about the merger and all hands on deck situation. “Fine, I’ll give it to someone else but you’ll work under them.”

“Alright,” Seungmin stood up and strolled to the door, promptly ending their conversation.

However, Junho still wanted to get the last word in. “If this case goes well, I might assign you multiple cases at once.”

“Please don’t reward my hard work with more work, thank you.” He closed the door on his way out.

*

Seungmin might’ve lacked a bit of self-respect. That was the only thing he could gather about himself at that moment, considering that he was rather occupied, with Minho, in his bedroom.

The last time they saw each other was when Minho and Chan wanted to know where Jeongin was, and when he couldn’t be of any help Minho had left without as much as a farewell, he was pissed, but so was Seungmin.

Because they had fought days prior, in a hallway of Minho’s apartment building and in a hurried gait from Seungmin, Minho had gone back into his apartment. Back to Han Jisung. He was fuming at the time, but so was Seungmin, for his own reasons.

That was weeks and weeks ago.

And yeah, Seungmin had been avoiding him like a plague. Why wouldn’t he?

He didn’t text back when Minho first reached out, avoided places they used to frequent and practically became a hermit.

He ghosted Minho and Felix being proud of him drove him down that road. Felix wasn’t here and nothing would motivate Seungmin to set this boundary further.  When Minho sent a text that night, Seungmin folded like a spineless weakling he was.

When Minho arrived they didn’t even speak more than five words to each other. Their last meeting wasn’t addressed. It was clear what Minho came here for and Seungmin indulged him. 

Seungmin lazily ran his hands across his torso, like he had all the time in the world, planting softer than usual kisses on his neck. He was pressed beneath Minho, who was completely aroused and thinking with his dick. He helped Seungmin out of his shirt then threw it across the room.

Minho didn’t fall back with him, instead he moved to the edge of the bed, legs folded and squinted his eyes when he regarded Seungmin attentively.

“What?” Seungmin asked as he sat up, supine, balancing himself with his arms.

“You’re acting strange, what’s up with you?” Minho frowned.

“I’m fine.” He crawled closer to Minho, and planted a gentle kiss on his chest, “It’s just been a while… let’s continue,” he whispered.

He didn’t want Minho to leave, he needed him here in his presence. He’s just been so alone in this place and it was driving him insane. Seungmin couldn’t keep himself company for this long. Felix’s absence was too prominent.

All communications with Minho will probably halt once Felix returned, surely he can maintain that distance again.

Minho didn’t seem convinced by those words, he just slowly cupped Seungmin’s cheeks and lets his gaze sift his face. “I’m hungry, let me cook us something savoury. We’ll eat first and continue where we left off.”

Before Seungmin could oppose to the idea, Minho grabbed his pants and was already sauntering out the room. That wasn’t part of the plan, Minho wasn’t playing his assigned role. The plan was to screw around for a bit and pass out from the craze. A meal wasn’t part of Seungmin’s plan.

He buried his head on a pillow, and groaned out loud in discontentment. At least he won’t be alone tonight.

His phone chimed on his bedside drawer, a text message from Felix.

Sunshine Lix

>> Hey Minnie, just wanted to say goodnight since im turning in early, we had a long drive today. We’ll talk tomorrow.

A gentle smile adorned Seungmin’s features. In his bleak hostile world, Felix was the constant light the shone radiantly and shamelessly too. It was endearing.

<<Night night Lix… talk tomorrow!

As he scrolled through, he saw other text notifications he’d missed from an hour ago. It was from Hyunjin, and there was a missed call from Lee Junho and that prompted a deep frown across Seungmin’s face but it quickly turned into a smile as he read through.

Hwang Hyunjin (Client)

>> Hey, Seungmin. I just got off the phone with your boss and he told me they assigned the case to someone else.

>> He said you’d still work on it too but I find it hard to believe.

>>I mean even if you aren’t, that’s fine.

>>Also sorry for multiple messages …

>>I lied, it wouldn’t be fine. Please stay on my case, you’re the first person to take it seriously anyway.

Seungmin sent a courteous reply about being a present participant in the case but he would be working with a more seasoned attorney, who would ensure that everything went accordingly. Soon after Hyunjin responded with polite gratitude.

He decided that he’d call Junho in the morning. He probably wanted him to assure Hyunjin that he was still part of the case.

*

 “I heard you started at your father’s firm yesterday… How’s it going?” Minho probed, placing the last boiled egg on the Bibimbap dish and carefully examined it, once he was satisfied with his work, pushed the bowl in front of Seungmin, across the island and waited.

“Where’d you hear that?” Seungmin ignored the dish in front of him.

A keen expression adorned Minho’s face as he sat across Seungmin and began ingesting the food slowly. “Doesn’t matter. Aren’t you gonna eat?”

“You’re the hungry one, not me.” He pushed the dish closer to Minho’s and glared at him. “Where’d you hear that I work at my father’s firm?”

Minho shifted uncomfortably before setting the chopsticks down. “Changbin mentioned it in passing.”

Seungmin curled his lip in displeasure. He’d knew Changbin heard it from Felix and the fact that he couldn’t keep his trap shut made Seungmin want to ruin their entire trip and make Felix return home early.

“Why would I come up in conversation between you and Changbin?”

“Because I asked him about you. You’ve been ignoring all my texts and I kinda wanted to know how you were.”

“Next time, I’d appreciate if you kept me out of your little chats”

“Noted.” He carried Seungmin’s dish and placed it in front of him then leaned closely, his breath mingled with his. “I promise to keep your sacred name out of my mouth. Now let’s seal that deal with a nice meal.” Minho left a light peck on his lips before he returned to his seat. “You know I hate eating alone.

“I’m not hungry.”

“Have you even eaten dinner?”

“I ate pizza.” Seungmin shrugged.

“You hate pizza…”

“And you know me so well?” Seungmin tilted his head to the side.

“You wish I didn’t, Kim Seungmin. We’re sealing a deal here, remember?”

Seungmin reckoned that he must’ve lost a significant amount of weight if Minho was practically forcing food down his throat. Or maybe he lacked energy during their little tousle that Minho thought to fuel him up. Either could be true, which made him cautiously pick up the chopsticks because he couldn’t have this man think so lowly of him.

He nibbled every bite slowly, taking his time. Halfway through the meal, his stomach was in a bit of discomfort but he ignored it as best as he could. Seungmin would eat as much as he could and they will finish what they’d intended to do in the first place.

*

Arctic wind that was biting at Seungmin’s flesh, also whistled loudly. Hurried footsteps weren’t fast enough for him, so he began to run. All his thoughts were occupied by the bloody trail upon his window panels, a trail that also ended abruptly.

If he didn’t run faster what would he find in the house at the end of the street?

Upon his arrival, Seungmin’s haggard breath forced him into a halt. However he’d sooner begin his stride. Never mind the blisters forming on his shoeless feet or the burn in his lungs, he remained steadfast in his determination, for his friend. He pushed open the gate of the house at the end of the street and sauntered onward. For his friend.

Seungmin jerked awake with a gasp and he ran out of the bed before the bile clogged his throat. Before he knew it, his head was buried in the toilet and all those food he’d consumed earlier seamlessly migrated from his body.

The bitter taste in his mouth was becoming familiar with his pallet. Trembling like a wet leaf, he stood up and braced himself on the watch sink and took steady breaths.

“Are you alright?” the voice startled him out of his balance that he fell onto his knees.

While he wanted Minho to stay the whole night, he wasn’t thrilled that he got to witness him in this state of vulnerability.

 A state of déjà vu presented into Seungmin’s mind.  Minho standing over him and looking down at him in the hallway of his apartment building and Seungmin flinching at the brutal words he’d uttered. Tears prickled his eyes when he actually thought about it.

He suddenly stood up with resolve, swallowing the bile rising in his throat again. He rinsed his mouth, ignoring Minho for a moment.

“Seungmin?”

“What are you doing here?” Seungmin whispered, finally acknowledging him, in a reflection on the mirror.

“I heard you getting out of bed in haste, figured you must’ve had one of your bad dreams.”

Well, that was the first time Minho acknowledged Seungmin’s nightmares. He thought he hid it as best as he could. Apparently not.

“I mean, what are you doing here, in my place, Minho hyung?” he sauntered to the door, where the other leaned. “If my sight makes you so sick then why are you here?”

Minho rolled his eyes and pushed off the doorframe, he was aware to what Seungmin alluded to. “I’m not doing this right now,” he returned to Seungmin’s room, turned on the light and began searching for his clothes.

Seungmin watched him in silence before he began. “You don’t have interest in me, other than sex, but I guess I’m the idiot who’d hoped for more than whatever this is, right?”

And when Minho wore his trousers, Seungmin could see the rigid shoulders, as if he were a timid animal hoping for an out before a big hunt. He was running away. And Seungmin didn’t want to have to play this game anymore. It was better to let it all rip.

“At least I can admit these things about myself,” he strolled towards the bed, sat down and faced Minho, who was fiddling with his socks now. “But we both know you will never admit that you’re just a broken person and the only time you show up at my door is when you need me to mend you, when he can’t. I am not a repairman, Minho hyung.” Seungmin tugged his legs to his chest.

Minho ceased all his movements, jaw muscle clenched as he glared at Seungmin. “Fuck you.”

“Well, I just fucked you so maybe you could return that favour, oh wait, my sight makes you sick.”

“You’re being a dick right now, just like you were back then. You always put yourself in situations where I have to be the bad guy. You hoard secrets and use them as leverage to hurt me when I’m not acting like you’d want me to. Do you blame me for my reaction?” Minho pointedly asked.

“Yeah I do! Why does everything have to be about you?” Seungmin shook his head in dismay, setting his feet to the ground and stared into the space. “You still behave like you have no regards for other people’s feelings, everyone but Jisung, of course.”

“Seungmin –”

“I don’t understand you. I really don’t. How do you look at him like he singlehandedly hang the stars in the sky, acting like only he could save you from yourself?” he turned to stare Minho in his eyes.  “Then turn back around and fall into my arms, knowing that he would offer himself if you asked?”

Seungmin let out a humourless chuckle when Minho didn’t answer. “Or maybe it’s easier to just hurt me, right?” he shook his head. “You’re a sadist.”

Minho flinched, before biting the inside of his cheeks.  “And you’re being unreasonable.” He stood and wandered out the door, t-shirt in hand.

“Yeah, you may leave now that you’ve gotten what you came for,” Seungmin muttered to himself.

If Minho was a sadist, and deliberately exposed Seungmin to this amount of pain, would that make the person who endured it a masochist?

Chapter Text

Seungmin stood on the lobby, foot tapping aimlessly on the onyx marbled tiles while he waited for his only client. The earthy odour filling the entire atmosphere, a product of the rain that poured all weekend, somehow kept Seungmin grounded.

He needed something as simple as rain to remind him that he was part of this world. And yeah, he had kept to himself these past few days but it was a purposeful venture in hopes of a certain recuperation.

It was becoming quite evident that he gave little care to himself, thus, the isolation.

Of course it didn’t last for more than two days, not when his father had breathlessly budged into his home with incoherent chatters about answering phones when choosing the path of a hermit.

Seungmin managed to eat dinner with him and actually kept it down for the entire evening. They’d talked about work, Felix’s trip (he was the reason his father checked on him) and his mom’s upcoming memorial ceremony.

Everything felt normal, like when he was just a kid hanging out with his dad after baseball practice or having a little father-son weekend like they always did. Those memories resided at the core of his mind, neatly wrapped with a pretty velvet ribbon. Those were the times before his father become obsessed with work.

He pondered the entire weekend, it might’ve began in complete chaos filled with a myriad of questions: why does he keep returning to that one person who would never love him like he wants? What does he have to do to curb the dreams? When will Felix return?

Seungmin glanced through the glass doors to find him ambling towards the entrance.

And in walked Hyunjin. Beaming brightly like the supernova, a complete contrast to the partly cloudy sky he just left outside. His eyes crinkled on the side when saw Seungmin waiting for him, the fully jet outfit he rocked was adorned by a violet beaded flower necklace and another one that he tucked in the neckband before he smoothed his outfit.

This was the second time they’d met in person and Seungmin couldn’t even feign nonchalance about Hyunjin’s beauty. He stood awaiting his approach completely stunned by him, perhaps one of these days Seungmin will grow weary of his appearances.

When Hyunjin finally stood in front of him, Seungmin cleared his throat wearing his business-like smile.

“Good morning, Hyunjin.” He steadily greeted.

The client tried to contain his smile but failed abysmally. People tended to forget his request but he found it endearing that Seungmin remembered to address him by his first name.

“How are you, Seungmin? Are you well?” he carefully asked.

Seemed that their last encounter was a dark cloud that hang above but their heads, but Seungmin was a master of avoidance. He merely nodded with a tight lipped smile.

What sort of professional would he be if he burdened his client with his own problems? It is supposed to be the other way around. Hyunjin pays the firm to lift burdens off his shoulders. Anyway, it’s not like Seungmin couldn’t just go to his unprofessional therapist to unburden himself.

He ushered Hyunjin to the elevator, the entire ride up was filled quiet chattering about the weather.

When they arrived in the boardroom, Bae Suji sat on the other side of the table, idly scrolling her phone but quietly put it away to give them her attention.

She was the more experienced attorney Junho had alluded to. Seungmin trusted that she would handle Hyunjin’s case better than he could, she’d already spent the entire weekend working on it.

Pleasantries were exchanged between Hyunjin and the attorney. They were all at ease when she complimented his artistic eye, apparently she was familiar with his work and the painter went on to praise her entire outfit.

Seungmin raised eyebrows as they raved on about fashion like they’re experienced critics who’d just left a fashion show.

“Okay, let’s get down to it,” Suji said once their passion talk sated, that cued Seungmin to disperse files among them. “Our private investigator has spent the entire weekend on the case and this is what she's come up with so far.”

Hyunjin perused through the file with utter concentration and pursed lips as Suzy went on to explain documents in the file. From the information Seungmin had gathered from Hyunjin, they were able to track and question the art handler and dealer who were in contacted with the forged paintings. They were the ones who’d unknowingly alerted Hyunjin of the activity.

Apparently tracking the origin of the forger would be a difficult. There had been a handful exclusive secret exhibitions held in reputable auction houses for collectors, who weren’t aware of the pretences, everything seemed to be authentic.

“It is difficult to pinpoint where it all began.” Suji established.

Hyunjin stared at Seungmin, who’d taken a sit beside him, and questioningly tilted his head.

“It means that it will take time to build a case, not until we find the perpetrators.” Seungmin answered without the question being asked. “These things are seldom done alone. Most of the time, they’re networks and need to investigated thoroughly with much subtly because if anyone catches smoke of the investigation, everything could be shut down before we get the opportunity to give you any peace of mind.”

“Oh…” Hyunjin’s shoulders slump as he registered everything. He had come for a solution, but it was appeared they were far from it.

“In meantime, we’ve made sure that the NIS (National Intelligence Services) are investigating it as well, under the classification of art property crime.” Suji assured him that they doing all they could. “We’ll make sure to be transparent with the progress we make.”

After giving Hyunjin much clarity of the situation, Suji excused herself as she had another meeting to attend and Seungmin could handle the rest on his own.

Seungmin handed Hyunjin a catalogue for one of the underground auctions that took place about three months prior. He realised how expressive the artist was when his face contorted into a frown and glare at once.

He pointed out and marked “his” three paintings that accumulated to close to forty two million won in sales. His gaze was distant when he pushed the catalogue back to Seungmin.

“We’ll try our best to push the NIS and get whoever’s doing this,” Seungmin tried assured him.

Hyunjin returned back to the present as he span the chair to fully face Seungmin. “I thought lawyers weren’t supposed make promises they can’t keep.”

“I’m an intern.” Seungmin mused. “Only I’m allowed to make rookie mistakes of promising clients the moon.”

A faint smile ghosted Hyunjin’s lips, “Okay, then I’ll hold you to that promise.” He leaned forward to take the catalogue back, and Seungmin could smell the sweet floral scent that emanated from him, it reminded him of a gentle spring day. 

“This one,” he pointed to a canvas with a complete different style from his, “and this one, are also forged. They used a friend of mine, Son Chaeyoung’s style and I’m sure she has no clue about it too.”

Seungmin noted it. It was possible that most of the paintings in the catalogue were forgeries and as soon as the NIS knew that they weren’t attacking one artist, the better it would be for the case.

“Uh… I need a drink,” Hyunjin sighed when he stood up. “All of this is stressing me out.”

“That’s probably a good idea.” Seungmin mindlessly agreed, already preparing to walk him out the door.

“Want to join me?”

Seungmin halted for a second at the offer. Considering that any excuse to leave the office was welcomed, he couldn’t possibly say no.

Junho was going to kill him for agreeing to this offer, especially after scolding him just a few days ago but he could still use the excuse of working, since it was drinks with a client. After all it was their job to make clients happy and there was only two hours left of his shift.

Anyway, his workplace be suffocated him sometimes, so a breath of fresh air wouldn’t kill anyone.

“Sure, okay.”

*

Turned out Hyunjin’s idea of ‘I need a drink’ was iced coffee and honestly Seungmin wasn’t protesting. They skimmed past a dozen cafés and opted for a bookstore café five blocks from Seungmin’s workplace.

He couldn’t risk having his manager or other colleagues running into him during work hours. Also who could deny the scent of books and coffee? That was paradise if ever there was one.

When he’d expressed his shock over Hyunjin’s idea of drinks, after they were settled in their chosen table, the painter merely shrugged in amusement.

“What? Did you think we’d hit a Pojangmacha so early in the afternoon?” he sipped on his iced coffee.

“Well, not that I would complain,” Seungmin huffed, already leaning back on his armchair then he frowned when he realised his words. “For professional purposes, I would like it to be put on record that I am not an alcoholic, nor do I endorse such behaviours.”

Hyunjin laughed before adding to the statement. “Okay, then for attorney-client privileges, I will admit that I do endorse such behaviours.”

“That will go on the file then.” Seungmin indulged in the debauchery, smirk hidden while leaning to sip his iced Americano.

“I approve,” Hyunjin glanced passed Seungmin, towards the counter and pursed lips in thought.

Seungmin curiously turned, probably expecting to see someone who’d made the painter fall deep in thought, but he only saw their short haired barrister wiping the counter top.

“What?” Seungmin enquired as confusion seemed to be bare in his face, Hyunjin came to his senses.

“I want pastries,” he said with a serious tone, running his fingers through his silky hair. “I can’t get those lemon cream Danishes out of my head, they looked so delicious.”

Seungmin didn’t know what he’d expected from Hyunjin’s thoughtful silence, perhaps the case, definitely not pastries. He snickered at the seriousness in which he talked about them too. “You should probably order them.”

“Yeah, but do you even like Danishes or pastries in general?”

“Oh you shouldn’t get me anything, I’ll just stick to my Americano.” He subtly shook his still full glass. If Hyunjin met Felix, he’d probably love him instantly because of how fondly he spoke of pastries.

Hyunjin leaned back on his chair, shoulders slumping just like they did back at the office.  “I don’t really know how to eat when someone in my company isn’t eating. It’s fine, I’ll get ’em next time.”

An involuntary flinch passed over Seungmin’s face, guilt wrapped around his consciousness. He didn’t want to see Hyunjin miserable about another thing, after all, they came here to avoid further mishaps.

“You know what, they did look appetising. We should get to taste them.”

“Seungmin, it’s okay. You don’t have to eat something when you don’t feel like it.”

“No, I want to.” He lied. “Anyway, I’m sort of an expert when it comes to judging delicious pastry.” With the amount of recipes Felix baked and forced upon him, he could qualify as proper pastry critique.

“Oh really? I reckon I’m better than you though, because I practically live in the bakery near my place.”

Seungmin resisted the urge to say that he literally lived in the bakery. Not currently, however when he returned, Felix would make sure the place smelled like a tiny bakery again.

Hyunjin got the Danishes for them, his body buzzing with excitement at the thought of eating them. Considering how much he wanted the pastry, Hyunjin’s face twisted into furrowed brows and tightened eyes as he took the first bite, however he hummed in delight as he chewed. Seungmin was left confused yet again.

“I’m confused, why do you look sad and excited at same time when eating it? I don’t know if the Danish’s good or bad.”

Hyunjin ceased chewing after registering Seungmin’s words, making the latter think that maybe he’d said something terrible but then the painter covered his mouth to let out high pitched laugh. “Why don’t you judge it for yourself?”

Surprisingly he did what was asked of him, the flavours burst delightfully in his tongue that he might’ve wanted to devour the whole thing in one go but the thought of regurgitating it later curbed his ambition. Though he was glad Hyunjin suggested they get them.

“When babies start eating solids, they tend to make fussy or sad facial expressions because they’re consuming new tastes and textures of food for the first time.” He leaned forward, “I’ve never really grown out the facial expressions stage, that’s why I look sad whenever I eat something even when I like it.”

Seungmin raised a brow while muttering a silent “Wow…” he also leaned forward, arms resting on the table. “You learn a new thing every day.”

“I guess.” Hyunjin just shrugged. “So, are you a big fan desserts?”

“Some…Mmh” He puckered his lips, “Fruit cake is definitely a crime against humanity. Also mostly anything with nuts is no-go zone for me.”

“Fruit cake isn’t that bad,” Hyunjin took another big bite of his pastry.

“Cake has no business having more than one fruit in it.” Hyunjin gave a lopsided grin. “What’s the worst you’ve tasted?” He began nibbling the Danish.

“Someone made me taste an eggplant chocolate cake once… I think I died a little bit inside that day.” Seungmin chuckled at the last bit.

Seungmin couldn’t believe that he actually ditched work to have a serious discussion about pastries. Junho would have a mild stroke if he found out about this whole thing.

Though Seungmin wouldn’t complain, he did want some sort of a break from work and real life. Since they’ve entered this bookstore café, he found a semblance of peace he hadn’t experienced in while.

His therapist once told him to go out more, meet new people and Seungmin’s stubborn nature had strongly opposed to the idea. It would mess with his life, adding new guest stars when he was already used to his recurring characters in the form of Felix’s friends and his lover.

Now he does see what he meant. Being here with Hyunjin and pretending that life was just about deserts and beverages was a breath of fresh air. They both had a mountain of problems to face, nonetheless they could exist in this fleeting moment.

New people bring different perspective in other’s lives, which was what Mr Kang was trying to allude to.

*

“We’re going down to a farmers market we passed a while ago. We’ve finally found a nice chalet with self-catering, I really missed home cooked meals. Takeout’s fun at first but it quickly becomes exhausting.” Felix fanned out the hairs falling on his face with his breath.

He looked exhausted, and the dimmed light of the car didn’t do him any favours too, though Seungmin didn’t comment on any of it because then it would lead to his own welfare being probed. It’s not like he didn’t notice the displeased look in which Felix regarded him with when he appeared on the video call.

“Who’s going to cook, Changbin?” Seungmin mused, his slight frown would probably leave a crease between his brows because of the green facial mask he’d applied on his face minutes ago.

“Do you want me to get food poisoning amidst a road trip?”

Seungmin chuckled at the insinuation. They also knew that chalet would also catch on fire before any food was prepared.

“Hey!” Changbin whined from the driver’s seat, the camera suddenly turned to him and Seungmin rolled his eyes in annoyance. “Hi, Seungmin,” He waved at him before turning his eyes on the road.

“Changbin.” His monotone voice acknowledged him as best as he could.

Felix had this thing of trying to force interactions between them, which was understandable since they were two most people in his life. Seungmin needed to get along with Changbin for his best friend’s sake but that didn’t mean it wasn’t irritating.

Seungmin was far from an idiot. He knew that Changbin, Minho and Chan discussed him their little group chat and he hated it.

In a memory of his least proud moments, Minho had left his phone unlocked, going to the bathroom and it had pinged with a message that had Seungmin’s name in it, hence he’d curiously read it.

‘I think Seungmin’s not good for you long-term…’ written by Changbin.

And yeah, Minho had found him scrolling through the group chat which led to an explosive fight involving invasion of privacy accusations and Seungmin blaming him in return for giving his friends a space to trash talk him.

Also early in the year, Seungmin had drank himself into a stupor at party they all attended, and he’d tripped upon something leading to his unceremonious fall into the pool. Due to his slowed brain function, swimming was the furthest thing thus he simply sank.

He couldn’t remember much about the night but Changbin had allegedly created a rumour that Seungmin tried to drown himself for Minho’s attention. Minho can’t even swim.

It remains fact that he doesn’t like Changbin, even after he started dating Felix. And for his own reasons, Changbin didn’t like him too.

“But won’t you find the market closed? It’s already late.” Seungmin prodded when faced with Felix again.

“The receptionist told us most stalls run until midnight, so if anything, we’re early.” He smirked, his tiny dimples embellishing his cheeks. “Oh hey you said to remind you in case you forget.”

“Hmm?”

“You bought tickets to a Coldplay concert and that’s next week.”

“Oh yeah… thanks, I forgot.” he huffed at the reminder. That was one thing he’d been looking forward this whole summer. What was to become of his life without an upcoming concert and his friend? He’d actually purchased two tickets for both them but that’s around the time Felix had told him he wouldn’t be available for the concert.

“Please, look at you beaming. It never left your head, liar!”

“I’m trying to make you feel good about reminding me and you call me slurs?” Seungmin gasped, feigning indignation. “I will end this call, right now.”

“I dare you, Kim Seungmin.” He waited with complete anticipation, after all Seungmin was famously known for hanging his phone mid conversation with people.

He scoffed, lopsided smile adorning his face. “You’re lucky I like you.”

“That’s what I thought.” A smug expression settled over his face. “So, how’s the internship going? Is our little friend Junho still tied around your finger?”

“Actually he’s getting married now… to a woman.”

Felix’s jaw fell to the ground, but he picked it enough to chortle. “No way! But he’s –”

“I know.”

“Wow, some people really live for their families approval, huh?”

“Tell me about it.”

“And the client you went to meet when we talked that one time? Who’s he?” Felix genuinely seemed curious, as he probed.

“Can’t tell you that,” Seungmin shook his head. A memory of the previous day at the bookstore café playing in the back of his mind, it was a pleasurable afternoon. “Attorney-client privileges.”

Even if Seungmin wanted to tell him, Changbin was a gossip, he would extend all of this to Minho, who worked at a firm that was famous for poaching other firm’s clients.

“Don’t pull that with me…you’re not an attorney yet. Wait, is it a famous person?”

“In some spaces he is. It’s just a sensitive case, I’m not supposed to talk about it. Let’s not talk about it, okay?”

“Okay, keep your little secrets,” Felix said with an amused tone. It was silent for a moment, before he began to probe again. “What did you have for dinner?

Seungmin felt his stomach drop to his feet. He was gradually trying go back to eating regularly but the damage of skipping few meals was slightly evident, and his friend couldn’t help noticing. He hated worrying him so much.

He was about to answer when a message popped up on his screen, from Minho. Seungmin was laid languidly on the couch with muted sounds of the TV in the background, but quickly sat up, completely caught off guard.

 “Seungmin?”

“Oh uh… I was about to make some chicken lettuce wraps.”

“That sounds delicious... ” Their car seemed to come to a halt and Felix unbuckled his seat and with a faint smile he said, “We’ve arrived. I should go, we’ll talk later right?”

“Okay, have fun!”

The moment they ended the call, Seungmin’s fingers led him to the message

Asshole #1

>> Can I come over?

These days Minho and Seungmin weren’t in agreement with each other, they were oil and water. An epic disaster. Though, their bodies were still capable of creating fiery magic whenever they were joined. He craved it, wanted it so much. His brain chemistry always got a bit altered when he thought about it.

He replied with quick approval, and crossed his fingers that he didn’t come to regret it.

Chapter Text

The next week brought Seungmin where he swore that he wouldn’t return, though he didn’t want to test how many of his father’s buttons he could press before he was inevitably forced to return home.

He could never grapple with the Feng Shui of the office. Whenever he entered, the energy and balance seemed to be corrupted by the half-truths that curbed his desired yet unattainable progress.

Those were one of the reasons he dreaded coming here. The main one was that he couldn’t really trust the man who sat on the beige armchair in front of him, especially since he suspected that some things they discussed might end up in his father’s ear.

“I bet you thought I wasn’t coming back, right?” Seungmin expectantly stared at him.

He would like to think of Mr Kang as an insipid character, whose gaze scrutinized his every movement for an immoderate analysis.

“Seungmin, you and I have been seeing each other since you were in high school. And in those years you’ve vanished for weeks at least five times without a word and you’ve always returned,” the therapist pushed up the frame of his spectacles up from the bridge of his nose.

“Do you hear how you sound? You’re like a crazy lover who has casted a love potion on me.” Seungmin let out an unamused laugh, “Also it sort of makes you a bad therapist if your patients keep walking away from you.”

Mr Kang doesn’t respond to the allegations made against him, just habitually notes something down.

“It was just a joke.” If eyes could fall off by being rolled, Seungmin would’ve lost his then. “Normal people laugh when a joke is told, you know. They don’t psychoanalyse.”

 “I’m not doing a psychoanalysis. I’m just noting down a change I see in you since we’ve last seen each other.”

“Which is?”

“We’ll come back to it. Right now I’d like us to discuss how you’ve been. It’s important that I know where your state of mind is.

“Younghyun, I think that maybe –”

“We’ve discussed you addressing me by my first name. Ours is nothing but a professional relationship.”

Seungmin huffed at the correction. After they’d known each other for years Seungmin figured he could address him by his given name but it seemed those boundaries weren’t ready to be crossed.

“I see a significant change in your weight, is it perhaps a deliberate choice or a relapse?” his therapist pointedly asked.

There was a sudden hurried loud thump against Seungmin’s chest. The subject of his weight hasn’t been brought up in many years and he couldn’t deny that it was making him uneasy.

“I eat… when I have time.” He quietly replied.

“Would you elaborate further on that statement?”

Seungmin stirred to cross his arms but then ceased when he remembered that it would denote that he was distancing himself from this conversation, so he let them rest by his side. It took all his willpower not to at least fiddle with his jacket’s zipper.

“I haven’t really been sleeping well, so whenever I wake up in the middle of the night I have this strongest urge to just throw up everything.” He heavily sighed. “I do eat whenever I can but it doesn’t mean the food stays long enough for me to digest them.”

“Why haven’t you been sleeping well?”

“You know why…” he pointedly looked at his therapist, who signalled with his hand for him to continue. “My nightmares have returned.”

That acknowledgement piqued Mr Kang’s interest, as he abruptly placed his notebook on a side table and he gave Seungmin all the attention.

“Are you ready to talk about the nightmares? I told you that sometimes dreams and nightmares are a way that our subconscious is trying to communicate with us. If we could –”

“I would prefer it if we didn’t talk about them. Not today.” Seungmin cut him off before he could sing the same song he does whenever the topic of his nightmare was brought up.

“I cannot help you if you aren’t being honest with me, Seungmin.”

“I’ve been honest, okay? There are some things I’m just not ready to talk about.” More like he isn’t allowed to talk about.

The entire session was beginning to irritate him. He had to find a way to salvage it by changing the course of the conversation, he couldn’t bring up Felix being away for the summer because then it would stir the conversation to the ‘unhealthy co-dependency’ boat. There was always the topic of his internship but it would lead to his lack of passion for the career path itself. His romantic relationship was completely off the table but then what remained?

Oh, he knew.

“I realized that you were right about something.” Seungmin blurted out.

Mr Kang's eyes shot up instantly at Seungmin’s confession, head tilted to the side as he fully registered the words. It was rare for Seungmin to give credit where it was due, but he wanted to let the remaining minutes pass without silence.

“Would you like to elaborate further?” he pushed the spectacles up from his bridge again.

“You were right about meeting new people. That wasn’t a bad advice,”

His therapist frowned deeply that Seungmin thought he might wrinkle permanently.

"Oh, please keep the smug smile on your face,” Seungmin sarcastically muttered.

He narrated the uneventful afternoon of a bookshop café and talks of pastries that brought him some semblance of stability and peace for days. He’d left out the details of how he’d met this new person he spoke of, even when Mr Kang probed.

As the session was nearing the end, the therapist had referred him to a psychiatrist, apparently to further discuss about the nightmares and his eating habits.

He knew that Seungmin didn’t like meeting with people who would only prescribe pills, as if there was something wrong with him, but he was instructed to go anyway.

There was really nothing productive about therapy, but he would still return again because his father paid their rent and if he didn’t obey him, he would make him return home alone, separating him from Felix and it would be a punishment.

*

Later after work, Seungmin idly made his way down the grocery store aisles, earphones blasting out I wait by Day6 and he hummed along to the song.

Apparently he found grocery shopping more therapeutic than therapy. He needed this therapy, especially since he had the longest day at work with Lee Junho assigning him administrative duties because he allegedly had a lot of time on his hands.

Also he’d decided to repair his debilitated relationship with food. It didn’t matter if he was going to regurgitate by midnight, he had to at least try to get his weight up before Felix’s return. He didn’t want to stress him.

He unhurriedly pushed the cart, eyes perusing the dairy section and head bobbed to the new song that came on. He was at peace here, content with his own company.

Until he wasn’t.

His hands tightened on the cart when he beheld the couple that just turned into his aisle.

The older one of the two pushed the cart, his dimples prominent as he laughed at what his lover said to him.

There are times when people do things they aren’t proud of, and Seungmin wished he could say what he did to Chan and Jeongin was a regrettable offense, but when he gave them an ultimatum to expose their secret relationship it wasn’t done with a malicious intent.

He’d felt that they weren’t fair to Minho by lying and making a fool out of him. It was pitiful. In a sense he’d been loyal to Minho than the people he considered family.

But when pull came to shove, Seungmin had exposed their relationship without minor hesitance, out of spite, he’d wanted to see Minho hurt, even if it was for a minute. He’d been selfish.

Was it a terrible thing that he exposed them? Yes, it was, and he knows that but Seungmin wasn’t short of committing atrocious acts. God knows he wasn’t.

Did he regret it? Honestly, he didn’t. In fact, he would give up one kidney to relive the moment Minho’s face twisted into an array of emotions when he was struck by the betrayal of his kin and his best friend. He relished that moment.

Jeongin was the first to locate him and instantly his words eluded him as he settled into a menacing scowl before Chan followed his trail of sight with a frown.

This encounter was rather amusing to Seungmin, especially since Jeongin had concluded that he’d be the villain of their love story, meaning that he held some sort of power over that relationship.

Seungmin couldn’t help but huff out a chuckle and slightly shook his head before he picked a block of Gouda cheese, and that seemed to send Jeongin into a spiral. He muttered something to Chan and trailed onto another aisle alone.

Oh, there goes Asshole #2.

He was just like Minho, in more ways than one. They couldn’t ever let anything go.

There was something that had stuck with Seungmin the last time they saw each other, Jeongin had been fuming and had really struck bull’s eye with his words towards Seungmin.

Sooner or later, Felix will see you for what you really are and leave you.

And Seungmin sort of disliked Jeongin for the sole reason that he was probably right. He hated that what was said probably rang true.

It was only a matter of time before Felix realised that Seungmin wasn’t really worth it. That he wasn’t worth putting him first, feeling obligated to invite him to trips, making sure he was well fed, soothing him after his nightmares and many other things he does for him without any complaints.

Seungmin hated that Jeongin was precise with cut throat words because a relationship built on give and less take was bound to have an eventual expiration date. It didn’t matter that he’s been friends with Felix since middle school, and that they were practically brothers.

Felix had done more growth compared to his roommate, he’d surpassed Seungmin a long time ago. He wasn’t childish, spoilt or dependant on anyone and Seungmin dreaded that one day Felix would realise that he could live without the burden of Seungmin weighing him down.

That fear of losing him might’ve contributed to the return of the nightmares he’d thought were forever gone.

“Hey Seungmin, how have you been?” Chan greeted with a light tone, ever the polite gentleman.

Seungmin leaned upon the cart and tapped his leg against the ground. “Oh cut the pleasantries Channie-hyung, we both know Jeongin doesn’t want you talking to me.”

“Lucky for you, I’m my own person and can make my own decisions,” he raised his eyebrows, as if daring Seungmin to say something snarky.

“Really?” Seungmin gasped, straightening up only to cross his arms. “Since when?”

Chan stared at him with no emotions, “You know, you don’t have to be a dick all the time.”

“But that’s the personality I love wearing. Whatever shall I do without it?”  

The older man responded by rolling his eyes.

They continued to indulge in small talk with Seungmin inquiring about his new job as a professional orchestral musician. They’ve always had better flow of conversation whenever they discussed music.

Also Seungmin envied that Chan has always been free in his pursuit of music, something he was passionate about and clearly it made him so happy.

And Seungmin knew the joy of being one with your instrument, messing with chords until you produce something melodic. The joy of doing something you’re passionate about with all the freedom was a luxury he couldn’t afford.

He wished he didn’t have to follow in his father’s footsteps. Seungmin wished for a lot of things but nothing ever came true. He wanted to escape his fate of corporate life and live in a romanticised version of his life where he travelled the world, merrily sang his own music in bars of every city he visited, ate different kinds of food, woke with the sun and basked in its warm embrace then see it set painting the skies salmon-pink, while being held by a lover who couldn’t bear the thought being away from him.

There were a lot of things that he wished for, lots of things that he wanted.

But as a famous band once said in a truthful yet soul crashing tune: you can’t always get what you want.

*

Seungmin donned an athletic jacket, washed baggy jeans and a cap at the concert. It was a full house and the iridescent luminescence adorned across the audiences exquisitely. It was a little haven.

He’d always found sanctuary in music, a sense of comfort that was sometimes steadiness in his life. At some point in his life, music was the only thing that kept him pushing forward, an art form that had made life make sense when everything was out of his control and nonsensical. 

A few days back the concert came up in a conversation with Minho, hoping that he’d want to tag along but that was a futile attempt at an invitation, turned out he’d already planned to go during the second night with Jeongin and Chan but Seungmin knew Jisung was an unmentioned fourth person of their little party.

Seungmin just nodded because he knew if he brought up the other man’s name when they were together, it’d turn into a fight. He didn’t want any conflict between them, not at the moment anyway. And in some sick and twisted way, Minho was the only other ‘friend’ he had in the city.

Without care about anything or anyone, he belted out the lyrics to something just like this. And flailing his head side to side. In some sort of way, being here brought him some sort of freedom.

“Seungmin?” he heard a soft but loud enough voice from the crowd call out to him.

He vigorously whirled to gaze at the stairs, as his mind registered who it’d belonged to. Self-consciousness seeped into every pore of his being. Had Hyunjin seen his uninhibited singing, as if he were alone in his room? And what was he doing here?

Embarrassment would be an understatement to whatever Seungmin felt. He’d like to think that he has meticulously curated a personality he wanted to present to Hyunjin and what he just witnessed was far from that personality.

He watched as his client stirred towards him, gingerly apologising to people as he passed them and soon Hyunjin sat on the empty seat next to him.

“Um…” say something intelligent genius. “Fancy seeing you here.” That was decent, right?

Hyunjin hid his amusement by biting his lower lip, two bottles of water were on his hands, a phone, power bank and mask. Seungmin wanted to ask if he needed help carrying them but Hyunjin was already speaking. “Are you here alone?”

Wouldn’t it make him kind of a loser if he admitted that he was?

He wanted to deny it and say the occupant of that empty seat was in the bathroom but he didn’t have the energy for the whole façade. He merely nodded.

The band was already moving to another song. “Whoa, I’ve always wanted to experience going to a concert, or the cinema alone but I guess I’m not that courageous yet.”

Courageous?

He’d thought that Hyunjin might’ve thought him weird for going to a concert alone, but here he was calling it a courageous act. Seungmin was somehow flattered by that observation.

Seungmin tilted his head to the side. He didn’t expect to run into someone he knew in this giant venue, especially ending up in the same section, guess that’s what they meant by small world.

“So, you also like this band?”

Hyunjin placed the items he’d held on the seat, next. “Yes, well not as much as those I came here with, they practically dragged me along.” He glanced at Seungmin for a moment. “Well, not that I’m complaining ‘cause at least you’re here too.”

Seungmin’s ears slightly tinted pink, eyes darted past Hyunjin and ignored the last bit, then with lips pursed, he asked “Where are your companions?”

In spite of thinking he’d grow weary of the other man’s attractive looks soon, it’d appear soon wasn’t at that moment.

He leaned closer to Seungmin but not enough to make contact and pointed at the two ladies and a man three rows from Seungmin’s.

One of the ladies chose that moment to whirl and met both their gazes then waved with the prettiest smile brightening her face, Hyunjin enthusiastically waved back, which prompted Seungmin to do the same but with less fervour. 

Wait, did he see me from there?

That floral scent infiltrated his senses again, smelled intoxicatingly good, and one could just drown in its owner’s embrace and just stay there for a few minutes. That odour was an indicator as to how close Hyunjin was to him.

Seungmin swallowed before he stirred to the side and returned his gaze to Hyunjin, where he found his head tilted, lips slightly turned up into a smile and just…staring at him?

“What?” Seungmin gingerly asked.

“You look so different in casual,” his voice was airy.

“In what way, good or bad?” he didn’t mean for it to be awkward, but he was kind of curious about what Hyunjin thought of him, even if it was scary giving someone an opportunity to criticise you.

“No!” Hyunjin shook his head heartily, “Good… it’s good. I mean it’s also good seeing you in formal but it’s like you’re a completely different in casual wear but they’re all so good. It’s all good, all –”

“Hyunjin?” Seungmin suppressed laughter while watching his winded client trying to regain his composure. “You’re babbling.”

With his head tilted skyward, Hyunjin shut his eyes tightly and sighed deeply. “Pardon me.”

Seungmin felt bad for laughing out loud when the man next to him was flustered. “It’s okay.”

“Don’t at laugh me.” He pouted as he leaned back on the seat but soon joined in the laughter.

The band was moving onto the next song, with people belting out the lyrics around them and somehow Seungmin wasn’t really mad at the distraction from the concert.

“Who are they?” Seungmin inquired about his companions.

Turned out the one who’d waved at them was his cousin, Hwang Yeji, she was holding hands and dancing with her girlfriend, Shin Ryujin, “And that’s Bae Jinyoung, he’s my… friend.”

The slight hesitation prompted a frown on Seungmin’s face. It was obvious that there was something going on there, considering that Jinyoung kept sneaking curious glances their way, however they lingered mostly on Hyunjin.

It was interesting that someone who’d known the painter longer than him was engrossed in his aura, even with the space that separated them.

“Anyway, I should leave you to the concert.” He gradually gathered his items, and expectedly stared at Seungmin. He opened his mouth to say something but deviated then waved awkwardly as he stood to leave.

The concert moved so fast after that. Although Seungmin was a bit guarded but could still revel in the set as it went along.

It took everything in him to avoid curiously looking at the group that was a few rows from him, to refrain from observing their dynamic but he failed. He could just sneak a glance.

That’s how he caught Hyunjin already looking at him, his heart might’ve skipped a beat. Hyunjin signalled to his phone and pointed at Seungmin.

He hastily pulled out his own phone, and clicked on the newly received message.

Hwang Hyunjin (Client)

>> So, we’re going to a noraebang after this, would you like to join us?

Seungmin gazed up to him but his face was solely engrossed on the mobile screen and that prompted Seungmin to respond faster.

<< More music?

Hyunjin turned with his entire body, whole back to the band’s performance and with his narrowed eyes, stared at the smirk that adorned Seungmin’s face then shook his head before typing out a hasty reply.

>>is there really such a thing as more music? :o

Well that was one way to win Seungmin over, by just validating his true belief that music is infinite and you can never have enough of it.

<<not really…

<<fine, you’ve convinced me, I’ll join you guys.

He didn’t want to read into anything but he felt a slight buzz in his stomach when he regarded the way the painter’s face beamed at his agreement. It was weird for him to have an invitation that was strictly fun without any other expectations.

At least he hoped that’s what all of this was.

Seungmin wondered about what the firm thought about leisure activities with clients, did he have to disclose it to Junho or was it considered personal time? He’s going to have to check what the policy had to say about these blurred lines.

*

After the concert, quick introductions were made between Hyunjin’s companions and Seungmin. After they’d established that Seungmin had used public transportation to attend the concert, everyone piled up in Yeji’s Hyundai sedan on their way to the noraebang place.

There was a bit of awkwardness in the back passenger seats, which consisted of Seungmin, Hyunjin and Jinyoung respectively. Ryujin started a party playlist to set the mood for their destination, a pre-show of sorts, she said, and everybody but Seungmin sang along.

Jinyoung took advantage of the dimness, as he quietly took Hyunjin’s hand into his, and beamed whenever the painter didn’t retreat, prompting him to rest his head on Hyunjin shoulder. Seungmin stared at them and their joint hands for a while, then found Hyunjin staring at him and so he nosily raised his eyebrows.

Hyunjin merely shook his head, with a tiny smile adorning his lips. He knew Seungmin was confused because he’d introduced Jinyoung as a friend not an hour ago, but yet there they were, twined into each other and cuddly.

Seungmin just stared out the window, humming quietly to a new song, minding his own business. Whatever Hyunjin got up to in his private life was none of his business. But it didn’t mean he wasn’t intrigued by it.

The Noraebang place was still lively considering that it was almost midnight. Yeji had booked a private room where they would spend two hours.

Since she’d paid for everything, Hyunjin had volunteered to buy everyone drinks. While the others proceeded to their private room, Seungmin offered to wait with him and help carry the drinks. It was the most logical thing to do than stray off with the others, as they were still strangers to him.

He leaned upon the bar as they waited for the bartender to reach their side, and subtly glanced at Hyunjin as he scrolled on his phone. “So…” Seungmin said, prompting Hyunjin to pocket his phone and give him his full attention. “Jinyoung?”

“What about him?” Hyunjin feigned nonchalance because he knew exactly what Seungmin was asking.

“I thought you said you were friends,” he cocked his head. “That was definitely more than a friendship cuddle back in the car.” 

“He is my… friend.” Hyunjin defended against the last statement.

“Whoa, you just hesitated again. Just like you did when you first introduced him back at the concert.”

“Well, it’s kind of a complicated situation. I wouldn’t want to bore you with the details of why I define it as a friendship.”

“I wouldn’t mind if you did.”

Hyunjin shoulders shook as he chuckled. “You’re nosy, you know that?”

“So I’ve been told.” Seungmin shrugged. “Come on, indulge me for a bit. It sucks hanging out with people and being the only one in the dark about things.”

“That’s a weak argument to the reason for your nosiness…” Hyunjin was still amused by the lack of shame from Seungmin. “However, your efforts can’t go unnoticed, I ought to indulge you.”

The bartender chose that moment to grace them with his presence. Hyunjin listed everyone’s drinks from memory and expectantly stared at Seungmin.

“Just beer, thanks.” He told Hyunjin, who repeated it to the bartender even though he’d heard Seungmin.

“Okay, it’s hard to explain it but I’ll try.... Jinyoung and I have always had this weird ‘friendship’. Like we barely speak to each other during the year but every summer he comes back from school and we have this... sexual relationship.” Hyunjin paused with a frown splaying itself on his face before he continued.

“It’s like…” he pursed his lips thoughtfully. “There’s this unspoken agreement between us, that it’s just like a friends with benefits, but it’s also not because we barely talk most of the time. It’s just… it’s complicated. You wouldn’t understand.”

“No, I understand.” Seungmin admitted without any thought, and Hyunjin taken aback by that.

Of course, he understood. If there was anyone who could understand that dynamic, it was Seungmin. That ‘friendship’ Hyunjin just described almost mirrored his with Minho. And it was a peculiar situation that one had to experience in order to understand.

Before Hyunjin could inquire about how he understood, the bartender returned with their drinks, signalling an end to their conversation. It would be rude to keep the others waiting for their drinks longer than they had to.

Their room was already bustling with life when they entered. It was a medium sized room that was dimly lighted with a large disco ball hanging from the ceiling, two ivory couches faced each other and a large screen that was on the opposite wall reflected lyrics.

 Yeji and Ryujin were enthused in a duet of forever young by Blackpink, carelessly dancing around each other and somehow Jinyoung hailed their performance with glittery cheerleader pompoms.

As soon as they set the drinks on the table, Ryujin began swaying around the two men, while she sang the entire outro alone and Yeji giggling at the messy choreography her girlfriend presented, their score was a decent 86 percent accuracy.

“Your turn!” Ryujin pushed the microphone into Hyunjin’s hands.

Seungmin found himself squashed between the women, as they all eagerly waited for Hyunjin to choose a song. Drinks were already being dispersed amongst themselves.

“What took the both of you so long?” Jinyoung asked as he reached across to take his drink.

“Well there are a many people here tonight,” Hyunjin said and before Jinyoung could probe more, he asked. “Wanna do a duet?”

“Sure…” Jinyoung said, dropping the pompoms and grabbing another microphone.

An upbeat sound blew the speakers, as Gee by Girls Generation came on, which got Seungmin to buzz with excitement. It had been so long since he’d gone to a noraebang, as a group that is.

“You always choose that song!” Yeji whined.

“It’s not my fault that it’s so good though.” Hyunjin retorted.

“Oppa, next time we’re not inviting you because you only choose the same song.” Ryujin pointed at the painter with a maracas she pulled out somewhere.

“Didn’t you say that the last time I was here?” Jinyoung asked and Ryujin motioned a silent threat at him, which he sniggered at.

Despite their protests, they started dancing and singing along with the duo and Seungmin joined in while drinking his beer. It wasn’t as buoyant as the couple’s earlier performance but it was still entertaining.

“Well, seems like the theme is girl groups?” Seungmin started, as the song came to an end.

“Seungmin-ssi, you can do any song you want,” Yeji assured him. “But no repeats next time we do this again. Those are the rules that my cousin decided don’t exist.” She said the last part loud enough for Hyunjin to hear.

“Rules that were spawned out of thin air!” Hyunjin scowled as he said.

“Because of you.”

Hyunjin stuck his tongue out in response. “Your turn,” he gave Seungmin the microphone.

Seungmin stood up, already contemplating which song to do. He was almost blank but decided to just play along with the undeliberate theme of girl groups, thus he went with why so lonely by Wonder Girls.

It had been so long since he’d done a noraebang but it always felt right for him to be one with and around music. There weren’t any nerves to combat, only excitement, especially with Ryujin and Yeji already hyping him up.

He heard them quiet down as he started. They all stared in awe as the sweet melody that was his voice bounced delicately through the room, and Seungmin just lost himself in the song as he always did.

“Wow…” Hyunjin muttered as Seungmin sang the last note.

They all cheered him on, which prompted a bashful look on Seungmin’s face, while extending the mic to anybody who’d take it but nobody did. Instead they kept complimenting him about his voice.

“Wow! You can actually sing,” Ryujin said.

“Well, I try.” He sheepishly uttered.

“Now isn’t the time to be modest” Hyunjin striding towards him, grabbing the mic however he hesitated and said. “Oh wait, please sing my sea by IU, I love that song. I bet it would sound so pretty to hear it with your voice.” He handed him back the mic.

“Isn’t it like a bit somber for the setting we have?”

“I don’t mind…”

“Please do it, I also want to hear.” Jinyoung said from behind Hyunjin. Seungmin found Yeji and Ryujin also giving him encouraging nods.

“Okay,” he took back the mic from Hyunjin.

Although he wondered why it was the painter’s favourite song, why it was the song he eagerly wanted to hear from the melody of Seungmin’s voice. It was a curious thing.

Seungmin had always connected with the song on a deeper level too, the messaging behind it resonated with him.

As he sang the lyrics, it was as if he too was addressing his younger self and was reminded that life wasn’t just melancholia and anguish, that even though he tended to stray from himself or couldn’t be carefree without consequence, he’d eventually find his way back to his true self. He ended the song with his heart slightly heavier than when he’d started.

He received more praises and compliments and shared he expressed his gratitude for the kindness.

Of course, his heart lunged and ears tinted crimson when Hyunjin whispered to him just as Jinyoung was about to begin his solo song. “You’ve just gained a big fan in me. I claim you, Kim Seungmin, as my favourite singer from this day forth.”

After a few songs and drinks later, Seungmin laid supine on the couch, with his eyes closed. Ryujin was now impressively rapping to a song Yeji had picked out for her.

While basking with the upbeat song in the background, he felt the weight of a sudden presence next to him. He instantaneously stared at the man and Hyunjin looked worried when he inquired about his well-being.

“I wonder why I only feel the earth moving when I’m drunk. It’d be nice to experience it sober too.” Seungmin merely stated as response.

“Wouldn’t it make you feel like you’re losing your mind if you felt the world spin without intoxication?” Hyunjin indulged his nonsensical delusions for a moment.

“Losing my mind would mean I’m crazy, right?” Seungmin slurred his words as he sat up and gazed down to the painter’s partially lit face as he asked. “Hey, didn’t we agree that everyone is a little bit crazy when we first met?

“Mhmm… you remember that?” he cocked his head to the side.

“Of course, Hyunjin. It was like three weeks ago.”

“Great, since you remember events of weeks ago then you must remember your address. We’ll take you home.”

“It’s time?” Hyunjin nodded with slight disappointment. “Huh… I feel like I should be the one taking care of you since you’re my client.”

“I think we can agree I’m more of a friend to you than a client at this point.”

“Is it a fine line we can cross?” Seungmin’s unfiltered mouth spoke before his mind registered anything. “Being friends and have a professional relationship?”

“I think we’ve already crossed it, Seungmin.” He mused, “My cousin has already decided that you’re worthy to be our friend, and I agree with her. Yeji has better taste than me.”

“I’m afraid I have to agree about the taste thing.”

“Hey! You’re supposed to defend my honour. Aren’t you my lawyer?”

“Apparently not.” Seungmin rubbed his eyes. “Right now, I’m just your friend and nothing else.”

Hyunjin silently stared at him for a moment, before his mouth curved into a tiny smile. “Come on.” He extended his hand to Seungmin’s to pull him up. “Let’s get you home.”

There was a weird feeling that buzzed around Seungmin’s core, it made him a bit giddy and he wasn’t sure what to do about it yet. Instead he took the offered hand, and decided like the river, he too, would go with the flow.