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The past four months had been heaven and hell for Dom. Watching Brian slowly relax and start to smile was good. Dom still remembered the first time he woke up with nightmares, screaming but now they had the pills and it was getting better too. Brian didn't want to take them, he saw them as a weakness but Mia threatened to call Gibbons.
Overall Brian seemed to be coping well, Dom had done some research at the urging of Mia, “He's your pet project, the least you could do is learn how to take care of him.” Post traumatic stress disorder was common among former soldiers, especially snipers. Brian wasn't exhibiting too many of the bad signs and his way of coping was normal. It seemed that Brian just choose a new personality, a separate person who wasn't a sniper. At first Dom had been worried, he couldn't imagine it could be healthy.
After several phone calls to Gibbons, Dom was reassured that snipers were taught to compartmentalize in training. So, it was natural for Brian to fall to that as a coping device. Some days it was easy to forget Brian was ever gone, ever someone else. Watching him surf or work in the garage; he seemed so normal. Dom didn't like remembering when Brian was gone, the gray time when he thought Brian was dead.
It was mostly easy to believe that Brian was just the buster from the shop that liked tuna sandwiches. Then someone would walk up behind him and Brian would tense. Dom and the team trained themselves not to surprise him or grab him. It was an adjustment because Dom spoke better through touch than with words but he hated the way Brian recoiled. It only served to remind him that Brian did have a past and there were still issues.
Not that they ever talked about the issues; Dom tried to but Brian would always resist. There was always a sarcastic smile and bullshit answer. He was getting tried of trying, probably would of dropped it if Brian would stop pushing for more. It wasn't like Dom hadn't noticed Brian was hotter than sin or pictured his lips wrapped around his cock or thought about bending him over a car. Brian was being an asshat, Dom wanted nothing more than to kiss him, mark him, make him squirm.
Dom kept his desires in check and never went for more because this was Brian and he couldn't just fuck him. If Dom went there, Brian would be his, mind and body; Dom didn't think Brian was ready for that. He couldn't just deal with Brian pushing him away when they got close. In the back of his mind he would wonder if Brian was going to leave once Command said it was okay.
It also bothered him that Brian had been with Xander. Dom liked Xander for the most part and they'd worked through any issues during that first car ride. As much as Xander had been sure Brian wanted Dom, Dom still wasn't sure. What if Brian just wanted a new fuck? Maybe that had been enough for Xander, dealing with he fact that Brian didn't care at all but Dom wanted more. So, apparently had Xander; as far as Dom knew they'd stopped fucking after that first night.
Dom was just about to go grab Brian for dinner from the shop when there was a knock at the door. The face that greeted him was his own, it took Dom a moment to precess.
"Hey man, how are you?"
Xander smiled. “I'm good. You?”
“Good. C'mon in. You have a check up on Brian?”
“Yeah. Gibbons thought I might be the least painful.”
“You mean the only one who wouldn't actually fuck off just because he said to.”
“That'd be it. Like I said, less painful.”
“He must have quite the rep.”
“You have no idea.”
Dom laughed. “I can imagine. He was a real bad ass when I saw him in action.”
Xander sobered. “How is he?”
“It's a day by day thing you know? Seems good.”
“I'll get to the questions with you later. First, I wanna see him, Mind if I steal him for the night?”
Why would he? Not like Brian belonged to Dom. He didn't care for Xander talking about Brian like a pawn or possession.
“You'll have to ask him.”
“Will do. Can I set my shit somewhere?”
“Yeah, let me out you in a guest room.”
“Shit bro. You got a compound.”
“There was more of a team when I first got it.” Dom didn't want to think of the ones who'd left or were gone forever. Jessie's smile and then blood on the pavement; Letty who couldn't handle his shit after everything went down and he thought Brian was gone. Leon who never rejoined them at all, as fas as Dom knew he'd gone to Atlanta.
Xander must have noticed he hit a nerve, he clapped a hand on Dom's shoulder and started up the stairs. Dom followed to show him to the room.
Hours later heard both men stumble in, heard them slam against the wall. He saw red when he heard moans. This was why he didn't bother for more, why he pushed Brian away. The person Brian really wanted was fucking him. Dom wanted to stop them, bust in the room and shove Xander off.
Wanted to tell Xander to take Brian and go but Dom knew he'd regret it the moment he saw tail lights. Having Brian back made things complete around here and Dom was going to hold on as long as he could. The sounds of sex were so close, Dom could hear every moan and gasp, each profane phrase. Hearing Brian like this was either the worst torture or the worst tease. He loved hearing the noise but hated that he wasn't the cause.
The next morning Dom got up early, he'd never really slept at all. As soon as light started streaming in he was moving. He needed to get out before he saw either one of them, needed to get into a good head space. If he saw Brian he wasn't sure if he'd fuck him or punch him and if he saw Cage he'd beat that mother fucking into the ground.
Dom got into the Charger and drove, it took him pulling into the hidden drive way to realize he was headed to the safe house. He hadn't been back much since Brian re-emerged. This house had been a memorial to him and now it seemed crazy that when he drove the Cobra he sometimes had felt like Brian was there. He'd made this place to be somewhere Brian would of liked and could rest in. Dom felt stupid for doing it, knowing Brian was alive now.
After parking the Charger out front, Dom did a quick sweep of the house. Checked for break-ins, possible leaks or bugs and made sure everything was running properly. After the check up he headed for the garage. Today he was feeling ready to take out the Supra, it needed to be driven and Dom had always loved it. The Cobra was perfection in a lot of ways but the Supra held a lot of good memories. Now more than ever, he treasured those memories of the Brian he'd known years ago. The one he still felt like he'd buried. The first memory of the Supra was always the best.
The garage door pulled open and there set Brian with a piece of shit on a tow truck. Dom laughed out. “I said a ten-*second* car, not a ten-*minute* car.”
Jesse chimed in behind him. “You could push this across the finish line, or tow it.
Dom had to disagree. “You couldn't even tow that across the finish line.”
Brian just grinned. “No Faith.”
Dom had to smile back. At least now he could keep the guy around for awhile, figured out the tension building between them. “I have faith in you, but this isn't a junkyard. This is a garage.”
It was well into the afternoon when Dom parked the Supra and got back into the Charger to head home. He couldn't hide out here or in the past forever. Dom felt more in control; he was never more himself than when he was driving.
The house was still and Dom wasn't sure if Xander an Brian were even here. He hoped they'd left some information with Mia about where they went. Dom walked in to the living room and found Xander on the couch, if Dom was less of a man he would of given in to the impulse to just walk back out.
Xander stood when he saw Dom. “Hey, you're here.”
Dom stared.
“Fuck. I know. I'm sorry. I was drunk and shit Dom. I'm sorry.”
“He's not mine to lay claim to. He can do what he wants. Which by all appearances, is you.”
The sentence was the opposite of everything he felt but had no right to.
“Dom, we both know that's not true.”
“He seems pretty content with having you.”
“Yeah and saying your name. I was drunk, not deaf.”
“I didn't hear....” Dom cut off abruptly, he didn't mean to let it slip.
“Listening? Dirty old man! He sounds so hot when he comes, doesn't he?”
“Xander!” Just like that he wanted to kill him again.
“You guys need to talk it out. Get everything in the open.”
“I don't think Brian wants..”
“Well then I'll make him.”
“Have you ever tried to make him do anything? He's like the most stubborn person alive.”
“That's what the eval is for. He wants to pass then he needs to do this.”
“You can't just lord his freedom over his head like that.”
“I can't say he is okay if he's walking around a head case.”
Dom felt the need to defend Brian rise up strong inside of himself. “He's been through a lot and he's not a head case.”
“Dude, you got it bad but he is. He needs to talk his shit out and stop bottling up all that badness.”
“Yeah I don't think thats gonna happen.”
“It will. I'm gonna go. Give you two a few days to work it out then fuck it out.”
Dom shook his head.
“You two are gonna fuck. Mia e-mails me, says the unrequited sexual tension is killing everyone.”
“Mia does what?”
“Updates me. I'm gonna go grab my stuff.”
Dom was still trying to figure out what the hell Mia would say to Xander; they couldn't be...God that'd be too weird, when Cage came back downstairs.
Brian walked in moments after Xander came back downstairs. The short exchange between them wasn't the fight Dom had expected but then Xander hadn't left much choice. Mind as well get this shit storm started.
“You gonna tell me what's wrong O'Conner?” Even angry, he was fucking beautiful; Dom was almost sad to see the calm from surfing vanish so swiftly. Still they needed to have this out.
“Sounds like you should tell me. You and Cage have another little sit down and decide my fate? So, what's it to be?”
Brian bit the words out and Dom was sick of the attitude. None of this was his fault, Cage had been the one to come in and fuck everything up. Dom didn't doubt that Brian just used the sex with Xander to piss him off. Now, Brian was trying to blame the stunt on him? Not fair.
“You're being an asshole. These last few months, I thought shit was getting better. Twelve hours with him and it's all the same.” Dom could kill Xander, shit had been going just fine.
“Stop acting like you know me.” Dom almost scoffed. Did Brian really think he didn't? Shit. Dom hadn't done much else these past few months but try to learn the real Brian.
“You think I don't? You seemed pretty happy for awhile.”
“Of course I did! You think I got a choice?”
What the hell was Brian trying to say?
“So, it's all an act? You're pretending like shit is okay?”
“Would you let me stay if I didn't? If I just fought with you the whole time?”
“Why would you want to? What are you so pissed at?” Because Dom didn't get it. Life was good here and overall Brian had appeared to be enjoying it.
“It doesn't matter.” Dom saw Brian start to walk away and that was it. What the fuck else could he do for him? Dom was trying so hard to make it some place nice, he knew it was shitty what the government had done. And now Brian was going to act like some spoiled three year old because life hadn't gone to plan? Well so the fuck what. This wasn't the life Dom had planned for himself either and as fr as he could see it, that life would of happened without Brian Earl Spilner turned narc O'Conner bustin' into his life. So, no fucking way was he going to just let Brian keep walking away.
In a few steps he had Brian pinned to the wall. “We are gonna have this out O'Conner.”
Dom was close enough to see the angry flush on Brian's face. He could see the confusion, frustration and even lust. And hell if that didn't shoot straight to his dick because he wanted Brian. Had for months and being this close it was almost possible.
The kiss wasn't as unexpected as it should have been and for a few moments Dom gave in. He let himself have all off what he wanted, all of what he kept saying he couldn't have. Then Brian moaned and all he could think of was the similar ones he heard not even a day ago and pulled back. Dom couldn't do this, couldn't fuck Brian when only moments ago that pretty face had been full of hate.
“No, we're gonna talk. I'm not Xander I don't fuck people who hate me.” It would just lead to disappointment when Brian decided he was bored.
“I know you're not Cage! Why do you keep saying that?”
“Cause he's got my face! And you fuck him and you treat him like shit. You’re not gonna do it to me.”
“Cage came on to me. Not the other way around. I didn't pursue him. He kissed me and I thought fuck it, what difference does it make if he has me? At least somebody will. You don't want this then fine.”
“You got a problem with listening Bri. We're talking this out.”
“There is nothing to talk about.”
“Wrong answer. My house, my rules.”
“Why do you care Dom? Not like you want me here.”
“You think I’d deal with feds if I didn't? You're family and I don't want you in my house, under my roof, hating me.”
“You have a shitty way of treating your family.”
Dom felt the words like a gut punch; it had been a low blow even for Brian. The resounding truth to it, all the people who trusted him that he'd let down. All the stray racers that came by that he never noticed at all. The dream he built but gave away for the man in front of him. Vince's pleas of reason, begging Dom to see that Brian was a cop. Dom had been so lost in wanting the lie that he'd let them all done. Even Brian in the end, leaving him to clean up the mess, while Dom went off to try to forget and regroup his pride.
Dom listened as Brian listed off his grievances, trying in vain for an excuse. He hadn't known until later about prison and the funeral. What did it matter anyway? Brian didn't actually do to prison or die. When Brian oushed him he tried to explain, tried to make him understand that he'd given up shit too. What more could he do? He couldn't change the past. He'd gone with Angelica knowing she might kill him. He'd done it willingly for Brian to have freedom.
Finally it sunk in, “Before you could send me away.”
The whole thing was crumbling and guilt settling in.
One last weak try...“Why would you think.. Bri...I.. I got tortured for you.”
“You think she never tortured me?”
When Dom heard the words and saw the disdain in Brian it was like looking at the Agent he met all those months ago. The broken man who'd gone too far; the person he'd come to know was probably more fiction than fact. The fight drained out of him. If Brian really thought that, went through that. Well then Dom owed him everything. The least he could do was offer up his freedom.
Dom took the next two days to think. He had known before that Brian was messed up, had known he was angry but Dom never realized it was his fault. Guilt wasn't an unfamiliar feeling and this time there weren't many things he could say to erase it. It was true he never meant to hurt Brian or anyone in his family but that didn't change that face that he had.
Dom was in the garage under a car and he heard some shuffling. Rolling out he was hoping Brian was finally ready to talk to him. Instead, Xander was there leaning against the work bench.
“Workin' man? I figured I'd have to drag out two out of bed. I was lookin' forward to checkin to see if we were twins everywhere.”
“Didn't work that way. I had no idea he hated me so much.”
Xander's smile fell. “Hates you? What are you talkin' about?”
“I tried to talk to him and he listed out all this shit he blames me for.”
“Mother fucker.” Xander mumbled.
“Xander, just pass him on the eval. He hasn't shown any aggression here. He's adjusting.”
“Dom, whatever he said... it was just to deflect. He knows how to push people away, Angelica taught him well. He is crazy about you. You should of seen him when I told him she had you. He lost his shit, I think he loves you. He just sucks ass at dealing.”
“It's nice of you to say that but I don't think so. Just pass him and we can all move forward.” Dom rolled back under the car. He was fucking sick of talking about this. Maybe if Brian just left then everyone could move on, after all of this Brian deserved to be happy.
Dom heard the garage door slam and decided to head in. Xander could be irrational and he didn't want him yelling at Brian.
He could hear shouting as he walked up the stairs. Dom didn't want to interrupt unless things got bad. The door opened and Brian came out looking pissed, inside the room Dom could see Xander bleeding.
“Spying on me?”
“I heard yelling. I tried to tell Cage you were fine. Didn't mean to get you in more shit.”
“He's being an asshole. Seems to be a lot of that this week.”
Maybe Cage was right and Brian was saying what he knew would drive Dom away.
“Yeah some of it's deserved. I'm sorry I fucked up your life, don't know if I said that earlier.”
“Dom.. I don't..I'm not sure what I can give you but I like it here and I..what I said, it was to be a dick. Doesn't make some of it less true but all of it feels like a lifetime ago. Most days here, I forget that it was me it happened to.”
Score one for Xander.
“What are you trying to say?”
“We've all fucked up but this..this could be good.”