Chapter Text
Sebastian knew he fell in love with you the day you helped him figure out how to wear his graduation hat.
He found your uncoordinated nature cute and endearing the first time you bumped into him with your cup of coffee. Was he annoyed that a perfect white button-up got ruined in the process? Maybe, but you were so quick to apologize and offer your money for dry cleaning and your jacket to wear, making it impossible for him to stay angry. He didn't expect you to show up to his apartment with a box of cookies to further apologize, but he accepted it graciously because who would turn down a cookie filled with chocolate goodness?
This was supposed to be a one-time interaction. Sebastian would give you back your jacket, and that would be the last time you two would ever speak or see each other, but by the time he's coming out of the laundry room, you're missing from the spot he saw you sit down in. Where did you go?
Oh. You found Bradee, and it's comical when he dangles the jacket over your head, seeing your face heat up as you try to socialize with him like a normal human being. He doesn't know what comes over him when you ask if he plays the electric guitar, but Sebastian might as well humor you and show you just how skilled he is. He thinks you'd be a good friend as he plays you a few rock and metal songs with some of his favorite electric guitar riffs and feels a sense of pride when you give him that awed look like he's a guitarist on a concert stage.
Sebastian doesn't like to believe he has begun crushing on you but admits you spent a lot of time acting like a couple. When he asked you to be his roommate, he forced himself to ignore the sight of you simply in a loose tank top and tight pair of shorts that hugged your curves too well, eating a popsicle that reminded him of something he'd be dealing with later in the night. Yeah, Sebastian wasn't trying to be a degenerate, so he quickly tears his eyes away from the tempting view and moves them towards the TV screen where he can play that shitty horror film he's been wanting to show you. He enjoys cramming your brain with electrical engineering terms because he thinks how your eyebrows furrow from confusion is entertaining.
He knows you like him, and he finds it even more hilarious when your mom says something about him that causes your face to turn bright red. When your hands are up in his face, trying to stop him from prying out the comment made, he can feel his heart skip a beat at the touch. If teasing you meant you would be close to him, then teasing was the route he would take. He figured he was going into the deep end when your hectic cheering for him made him blush for the first time, and he vowed to return the same amount of energy (perhaps even more) the day your graduation came.
He wanted to tell you how he felt on so many occasions, but he didn't want to drag you into his line of work. He was just an electrical engineer who fixed the paneling and fixtures when things went awry in the government lab he was assigned. He had caught glimpses of some insane shit and heard some of the most nightmare-inducing noises made by humans. Sebastian doesn't know if he'll ever forget the horrified expression you had on your face when he was being taken away by that SWAT team on that rainy day in October.
When the jury decided that he was guilty and deserving of the death penalty, he wanted to lunge at everyone for not seeing the truth. His anger would've made his false crime come true. It was happening all too fast, and he was losing his life and, importantly, you. His days in prison were grueling as he tried to adjust to slop for food and a lack of privacy with other convicts. If he got lucky and imagined it in his mind late at night, he would dream about being back with you in an apartment with Bradee, and maybe you two would be a couple as he presses a kiss to your stunning face, holding you up by your waist as you laugh while he spins you around. Waking up from those dreams was always the most taxing, making him clutch the little Polaroid picture of you on your birthday a little tighter. He can't even lose this last piece he has of you.
When you stop by to see him for your condemned visit, he tries to stay strong because you'll probably cry harder if he does as well. He recalls the guards coming into his cell, bringing him to some old, wrinkled man in a wheelchair with a fancy-looking fedora. He looked dopey, but Sebastian held back the urge to call him a Redditor and listened warily. When he was notified he could have a chance at a second life by joining Urbanshade for some experiments, it felt too good to be true, and he accepted it, locking in the consequences. So, that's why when you break down in front of him, Sebastian can't contain the secret any longer, whispering some vague details about his deal and interaction with Urbanshade. He wishes there wasn't a stupid barrier between you two so he could brush the globby tears falling from your eyes.
He almost confesses. Almost. But he realizes that would be too cruel, so he changes what he says to a request to take care of yourself. He couldn't picture receiving a confession as everything was falling apart when putting himself into your shoes. You probably wouldn't be able to sleep ever again.
You, of course, clearly didn't heed his words when he was reunited with you in the Hadal Blacksite. He's petrified to see you down here, especially after everything he's been through. The cuts, the blood, and the feeling of his own bones changing and morphing into something different all came back like a brick being thrown through a window. All those memories pained him so much that he prayed to God you wouldn't ever fall into the hands of Urbanshade, but you were as obsessed with finding him as he is obsessed with seeking revenge. Would you detest him that he's become a murderer and monster? The possible collection of answers makes him feel nauseous.
He feels awful every time he lashes out at you. It's a nasty habit and front he's put up to deal with the ignoramuses he meets here. You don't deserve that sort of treatment, but he feels blessed that you still love him despite his forced transformation and aggressive attitude. It can't make him forget the pain, but it does make it easier to shoulder.
When he almost lost you, he went on a rampage. All he could see was red, like a bull ready to target the next thing it saw move. He wanted to put those fleabags of Urbanshade agents in their place, which was 6 feet down into the ground, but you stopped him. He doesn't like remembering what transpired and the experience of cutting into your flesh to take out the bullet lodged in your backside. Having your blood stained on his claws left him numb and slightly broken. He's thankful you didn't die because he didn't know if he would have the mental fortitude to keep planning his revenge and escape if you had withered away like the fragile rosebud you are.
You are so human, and he is not.
He is reminded of that reality each time you press against him with affectionate zeal, giving him those expansive, blinking eyes he can't resist as you ask for another kiss. The logical side of his mind says he's only putting you in more danger by allowing you to love him, but his selfish, emotional side wants to keep indulging you.
Sebastian has become versed in marine biology, especially since most of the books and data in the Blacksite surround ocean creatures. Urbanshade used that information to create monsters, while he used that information to pass the time and educate himself on his environment. The first time he opened a book about marine animals, he immediately thought of you and how you would probably jump in to provide a silly fact that most would consider irrelevant. You are both a balm and a plague to him when your smiling face appears in his mind that day.
But nowadays, he doesn't have to pretend you're next to him because you are physically here. He hums to himself lowly, tracing your skin, relishing all the red and purple spots he left on your skin after your passionate night of love-making. You triggered some behaviors he didn't know he had. His eyes soften with adoration as he takes in your sleeping, bare form. He slides up behind you, allowing his arms to pull you closer as he broods about how deep his love runs for you. He wasn't sure what would happen in the future, but even if it was bleak, he would do his best to keep you happy and out of harm's way.
As his eyes close, he wonders if you know monogamy is rare in fish. Usually, fish mate with the best male or female that presents themselves, but few species form long-term bonds with their other half. French Angelfish is one where they'll hunt, sleep, travel, and defend their territory together. They are one of the few fish species believed to mate for life until death. They're rarely seen alone individually, and Sebastian thinks he can relate to the stupid guppy (you would correct his inaccurate usage of the terminology, but that's beside the point).
Sure, other sea creatures also mate for life, but Sebastian really likes the French Angelfish analogy because you once described him with sticky, honeyed words, "You're so handsome. I remember when I first met you, I thought I was looking at an angel. But now that you're here with me, you're still an angel. Maybe different looking, but how would you feel if I called you my Angelfish?"
You really stole his breath away for that one. He couldn't believe you were the same one who would crumble and stutter just from his teasing, but he adored that about you. Your charming nature always came out when complimenting and reassuring him that you found him lovely no matter what, and he really does cherish that.
If he could, he would have a scrapbook documenting your every smile and moment because, for Sebastian Solace, you were his Angelfish.