Chapter Text
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Selfishness, Selflessness, what arbitrary ideals. They merge and separate and mix together in a being, but in the end they exist either way. Who's to say which is which?
They found Friend Owl in an old oak tree happily humming to himself. It was late evening and he was awakening from his day-long slumber. The birds had informed Bambi of the Owl's tree the dawn after he had met Karus and Solon. He then had to wait to meet with them the next day, where they planned to go there when Friend Owl was awaking. Karus had been on edge around Bambi for a short while after they met but when he saw that Bambi was not doing anything or saying anything about his title, he relaxed.
The air was warm that evening and heavy with the scent of wild strawberries and primroses. They lined on the path to where Friend Owl's home was supposed to be. Bambi resisted the urge to eat one by focusing on the path in front of them. They quickly got to the tree where the owl was awake and grooming himself. He did not notice them for some time as he hummed a soft tune to himself. Karus, however, announced their presence which startled the old owl immensely.
" Good evening Wise Owl of the South. "
It seemed like prince etiquette to greet in that manner and even the low bow he gave. Princely manners that Bambi had no knowledge of, so he simply bowed as well.
" Good evening. Why Little Prince, fancy seeing you in these parts. "
The owl swayed a bit as he steadied himself from his earlier fright. He had a gleam in his eyes as he spotted Bambi; pity shone like an ember in his sharp round eyes.
" Wait a moment. You're a prince as well?! "
Solon flew right in front of Bambi, his face etched in shock. Bambi simply replied by nodding then greeting Friend Owl.
" Who are your friends? "
Bambi looked at them as if telepathically asking them if they were going to answer or if he would introduce them. Karus, as if understanding him nodded and introduced himself.
" I am Karus and my companion is Solas. We have come to ask for your guidance. "
He spoke in a way that expected everyone around him to listen and obey. But with a certain humility and adoration. He seemed eager and overjoyed to be speaking to Friend Owl. It was clear why he had omitted his title; the Wise Owl was most likely familiar with his name and he wished to be removed from his prince-hood as he spoke to the fellow scholar. Bambi supposed that he had looked up to the owl for such a long time. Solon seemed to be the same way. He was glad that he had helped them. Maybe Karus would find himself through the Owl's words.
" I have heard of you. An impressive young scholar, in a couple of years you will be quite remarkable. The crow as well. Now, what is this guidance? "
Both Karus and Solon seemed to glow with the praise offered from someone they had deemed so important. Solon resisted the urge to scream with excitement. He looked at Bambi with a look that said, ' did you hear him? ', Bambi smiled and nodded at the bird who looked like he wanted to scream atop the trees. Karus also seemed to want to do the same.
" We wish to become your apprentices. "
The owl seemed shocked at that. He had not had apprentices for years. In fact, he was retired, if not just in name. He looked at the promising young ones and pondered it. He would love to impart his knowledge onto the next academics like his good friend Florian, but he was quite old and tired.
" I am not sure I can do that. You must understand that I am an old bird. "
He tried to be as careful as possible, he truly did not want to discourage them.
" We beg you. We shall not disturb you and if only for a year, we shall be eternally grateful. "
Solon was a smooth articulate speaker and he begged well. The Wise Owl thought of it and decided to give himself time to ponder the pros and cons of it. He did not want to rush into an answer that he would regret. He was aware that if he decided to take in Prince Karus, he would be in the cross-hairs of a father-son feud. Although he was a well-respected figure, he was not one that was a big fan of arbitrary rules of society. That being said, he often did not butt heads with any of the princes.
He was conflicted; on the one hand he wanted to nurture the knowledge of the young deer and crow, and on the other he wished to not anger Constance, Karus' father.
" Give me time to think. I should have an answer by tomorrow evening."
" Thank you so much. "
Their hope was palpable and tasted like cool water in the middle of summer.
They all bid goodbye to Friend Owl who called Bambi aside.
" I'm glad you have made new friends Little Prince. "
Bambi glanced at the grey feathers that adorned the old owl and the loving gaze in his eyes. He had seen those eyes after he was born and felt those feathers moulting for winter. He had truly cared for the owl the way the owl cared for him. But something in him refused to return to that place and those memories. Something so soul wrenching had stepped on their care and turned it hollow.
" They are lovely, aren't they? "
" They are. "
" Please take them on. "
He pleaded for the two scholars because they deserved to be happy. Karus deserved to choose his own path; maybe if he did then Bambi could do so too, once his time arrived. It was terribly selfish, and he had no remorse, he pleaded.
" I shall think about it. Visit once in a while."
" I shall think about it. "
It was a wager, a threat and a request bleeding into every word, into every sound. It was tit-for-tat; a transaction. It begged and demanded and pleaded like a child, because it came from one. ' Teach them, and I shall see you. '
Friend Owl was a bit shocked and pleased. Bambi from yesteryear would never have done that. There was something that had been planted in his body; a deep-seated fear of losing control of his life. An unshakable dread that his life would spiral out of his control. That was why he wanted Karus to be there because it meant that he could opt out as well. It meant that his life was his.
Bambi walked away, towards where Karus and Solon had been waiting for him. When he got to them, they began to walk towards the brook where they would part.
" What did he want to talk to you about? "
Solon was inquisitive at most times and that was made effectively worse by the fact that he almost never kept quiet. Bambi did not particularly wish to answer the question. He felt some guilt at answering Friend Owl the way he did, but it was a very shallow guilt, one could even see the rocks of self-seeking at the bottom of it.
" He just wanted to see how I was fairing on. I pleaded for you."
He replied dismissively, adding the last part as a half-truth.
Solon thanked him profusely and said words of praise that left a deep blush on Bambi's face. He felt as if he had not done much, but was glad Solon saw as if he had.
" Thank you Bambi. You have been such a tremendous help to us. We shall never forget it. "
Karus spoke with genuine awe and gratitude. He seemed so happy that his life was finally going the way he had yearned for so long. Bambi felt a twinge of guilt at that, but reminded him that it benefited Solon and Karus more than him.
The soft sound of the brook became closer and closer as they moved closer to it. The sun had begun to slowly lower itself towards the horizon as it coloured the forest golden. Bambi had promised Nettla to arrive earlier than the previous time.
" Are you going to be coming with us tomorrow evening? "
He got a bit startled as he had not noticed Karus moving right next to him. The other deer was bigger than him, so he raised his head slightly to be able to look at him properly. He wished he could but he had promised Nettla to go with her to Aunt Ena's. He shook his head and noticed a slight disappointment in the other's face. He couldn't imagine that they wanted him there that much.
" You'll tell me how it went when we meet, won't you? "
He said it airy, light and as happy as he could possibly make it. He didn't want them to value him that much, it felt like responsibility. He wanted to be good to them and for them to be indifferent to him. There was something in that, something he would have to confront but at that moment he ignored it and accepted it as fact.
Karus agreed and looked to Solon who was eating a worm he had found in the midst of clovers and care filled his eyes. They were close, as close as one can possibly be. More than a lover, more than a brother, more than a mate. There was something archaic and ancient in their friendship, that of a crow and a deer. It ran deep beneath their veins and in every exhale and inhale. Before they had met, they had been lost wanderers and confused about their future.
" What if we don't get to become his apprentices? "
His uncertainty bled into his demeanor and his words. He was asking himself, Solon and Bambi. He was frightened that Owl would not teach them and he would remain a prince forever.
" Then we move on. Are we going to let an old owl stop us, after how far we've come? "
Solon said, with such certainty that even Bambi nodded with them. He looked so sure of Karus that it could be nothing less than trust. He wholly believed Karus could do anything and could be anyone. Their care was not a one-way trip. It was a simultaneous push and pull, the moon and the sea.
" He's going to take you in. "
It was not like Solon's certainty, that which was backed by trust and care. It was a foolish flimsy certainty that Bambi said because he wanted it to be so terribly true.
They parted ways with sweet goodbyes and so much cherish that Bambi had no idea what to do with it. It was too much for his small body, that had been worn and beaten by the winter wind, to handle. It swirled his insides and hurt his alimentary canal. It made him nauseous and dizzy. It was warm and cold. His body threatened to wretch it out. He went to tell Nettla who would understand and listen without judgement.
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Love is such a meagre word to describe the bonds we have weaved with grass, flowers, sunlight and blood. It isn't in our blood; it is in our souls.
Gobo's laugh filled the small clearing and Faline stopped chasing Bambi to look at her brother with so much love that it filled the air around them.
The sun was shining onto the place where the fawns were playing while Aunt Ena and Nettla were sitting at a distance from them eating clover. Bambi had slightly antagonised Faline who was often looking for a fight. Aunt Ena had chastised her for it but to her surprise Nettla had defended the young fawn's eagerness.
It was early evening and they had gone to the foot of a small hill where one of Aunt Ena's doe friends lived. She had no children as they had all grown up and left the thicket, so it left the children to play among themselves.
The area had a lot of flowers which overjoyed the children immeasurably. Bambi ran away but was quickly jumped on by Faline causing both of them to fall into the hydrangeas and wood anemones. That was when Gobo, who had been watching them, burst into laughter. It was not loud by any means but it was there. It was like the singing of bluebirds and the sound of the morning breeze when it hit dew-covered bluebells. Faline looked at her laughing brother and Bambi who was lying beneath her covered in small blue flowers, and she laughed. Hers was loud and like a thunderstorm but no less beautiful.
Perhaps it was happiness or seeing the siblings so joyous that made Bambi start laughing as well; after all, who was to say that they were not the same kind. He laughed, and she laughed, and he laughed, and they all laughed. They were as happy as children could possibly be and Bambi was as happy as his soul could allow. They were happy because the day was good and Gobo was well enough to laugh. He had been getting better and better. He could walk for longer and he could play for a while.
They lay on the warm grass and the flowers lay on their fur. The sky was clear apart from a few clouds that floated pushed by the gentle wind. One looked like a flower, another looked like a wolf and another like an acorn with a hole in it. They formed and deformed again and again. A ladybird jumped onto Gobo and walked all over him, then flew away. One of the trees ached and creaked when the wind got to it and Bambi thought that it would fall. Petals that had adorned them were taken in a swirl by the playful relentless spring draft. Bambi could feel it tickling him.
" Did you hear that Prince Karus is in these parts? "
Faline broke the silence as she stood up and stretched before plopping herself next to Gobo. Bambi shook his head as he stretched his legs before moving to a more comfortable position. He decided not to tell Faline and Gobo for two reasons; Karus' privacy and an irrational fear that if he told them then Owl would not take Solon and Karus in. He would tell them after.
" So are Prince Silas and Ronno. "
Gobo added, his voice small and soft. He lay his head on the ground and let out a mewl of contentment. That Bambi did not actually know about.
" Where did you hear that from? "
He said with feigned nonchalance, he was very curious and some of it slipped into his question.
" Pa was talking to mum yesterday and we happened to overhear. "
Faline answered a half-truth and her brother looked at her with scrutiny. She had actually eavesdropped and dragged Gobo into it.
" He said that Prince Silas is here to see the Great Prince, for some dispute with Prince Romulus. And he brought Prince Ronno along."
" I heard that he is around our age. "
Gobo chimed in.
" A year older than us. Do you think he would be a good friend?"
Bambi highly doubted that. From the little he had been told, the Prince kept to himself a lot.
" I heard that he was raised by wolves. "
Gobo was almost ready to hide under his legs by just thinking about it. It petrified him immensely.
" Do you think that's true? "
Bambi asked because he found it utterly improbable. They would have eaten a small unknown fawn immediately.
" I don't think so, but he must have been all alone before Prince Silas found him. "
That obviously stated that his mother had died. The topic of death left a sour taste in the children's mouths. Especially Bambi's. It was bile rising up his throat and it was something in his eyes.
" Anyway, I think he would have a great time with me. "
Faline changed the subject quickly. She often did not linger in difficult moments, terrified of them. Deep inside, she was so incredibly scared of such dark matters despite her joyful brave exterior. She could face physical pain with a brave face but any emotional anguish would shatter her.
" Why you? "
Bambi was more than thankful for a distraction. The tense air shattered into small sharp pieces of awkwardness.
" I am the best friend anyone could ever wish for. "
She replied haughtily causing both Bambi and Gobo to scoff and let out semi-laughs under their breaths. She glared at them, something she had been getting increasingly better at as time went on. Bambi did think she was a marvelous friend, not that he would ever tell her that.
The conversation seemed to die out then with Bambi and Faline exchanging heated one liners and Gobo staring at them with a dazed sleepy look. The light from the sun covered the small clearing and it was warm as it touched their fur. It was not the extreme heat but rather the warm sleepy one that caused yawns and stretches. Bambi wondered if Friend Owl had accepted; he hoped that he had. Then his mind drifted to Prince Ronno. He was quite curious about him. He felt as if they were similar, dead mothers and being taken in by someone they did not know.
He wanted to see the other prince and ask him if he still had nightmares and still had the urge to heave his guts out. If he thought that there was something he could've done; if he blamed himself. He wanted to ask if he had a father, if his father was like his. He wanted to know that another prince, another animal could so deeply understand him.
" Children! It's time to leave. "
Aunt Ena called them as she and Nettla had already stood. Bambi, Faline and Gobo stood up quickly, ready to head home for the day. They said goodbye as politely as they possibly could to Aunt Ena's friend who Faline had already expressed contempt for. She had agreed with Faline's mother on her behaviour, which agitated the fawn to no end. They walked on in relative silence with Faline playing a game along the way with Gobo, it was simply stepping away from cracks which Gobo seemed to enjoy very much.
" Why don't you stay with us tonight? Our place is closer. "
Aunt Ena suggested, her tone was hopeful and pleading. She wanted so desperately to hold her sister's child. There was something in her blood that was connected to her sister even in her death.
Bambi looked at Nettla who seemed tired. She acted energetic but there were times her age shone through and she looked older. He did not want to sleep there but he swallowed it down and nodded to Nettla. She had done so much for him; he could sleep in another thicket for a night.
" Sure. We can leave tomorrow at dawn. "
Aunt Ena lit up. Her eyes gleamed and joy carved itself onto her face.
" Faline and Gobo will enjoy your company greatly, and so would I. "
They continued on. Their path was patches of sun and shadows. Gobo and Faline moved in the shadows jumping from one to another. Bambi was quiet and watched them in silence, only being asked once in a while to stand between two far away shadows so that the twins could use his shadow as a bridge. He liked being around them most times, but he was not sure if he could spend a prolonged period of time around them. Especially the cold dark nights when the loud bang of that frigid winter night pulled him mercilessly from his slumber and into the real cold world without his mother, his first friend.
Faline called him to be a bridge and he went ahead to where they were and positioned himself. Faline crossed then waited for Gobo who murmured a small thank you. It seemed to be a race but whenever there was a big jump, Faline would stand by and wait for Gobo to finish crossing then move on. In their little game Faline was obviously going to win, but that didn't make it any less fun. Bambi moved on beside them. There was grass and foxgloves and ferns lining the path.
They got to the thicket which was in a dense bushy area and Gobo and Faline first went inside with their mother leaving Nettla and Bambi outside.
" It seems it is my turn to say sorry. "
Nettla said, her voice dripping with exhaustion.
" What for?"
"For this stay. "
" It's not your fault. "
" I'm still allowed to feel sorry, am I not?"
He moved closer to her and laid his head on her side. He was also tired, and yet he was not planning on sleeping much that night, scared of the monsters from his sleep. He also didn't want to show Aunt Ena, Faline and Gobo that scared little fawn inside of him.
At that time, Aunt Ena called them in after she finished grooming the twins. Nettla had taught Bambi to groom himself, after her attempts of grooming him ended in tears and full body shudders. They went inside to the warm thicket where Faline and Gobo were by their mother's sides. Bambi was called by Aunt Ena to her side, so he went by Faline. The thicket was a decent size for all of them and bigger than Nettla's.
That night they told stories of sly foxes and cunning hares. The stories of heroes long gone. They told of their ancestors and those who came before the days of Man. The stories that flowed through the roots of trees and through the veins of every animal in the woods. Those were the stories stored in the hearts and lungs of every bird so that they could sing of the forest in every breath.
They then fell asleep one by one except Bambi whose fears prevented his descent into the world of his dreams. He lay awake waiting for the signs of dawn. He moved to a further corner, away from the rest of warm bodies. He was alone with his thoughts and dread. He thought of his mother first. He loved the people in his life but he would give it all for a single day with her. He wanted to live and die with her. If they would be together in death, he would embrace the cold arms of it. Then he thought of his father. He could still smell him on some days but he never came by and Bambi blamed himself.
He then heard some rustling and saw Faline get up. She moved closer to him and let out a big yawn. That caused him to yawn as well.
" Can't sleep?"
"Don't want to."
He didn't know why he told her the truth. Why he hadn't hidden it like he always did. Perhaps he was truly tired.
She nodded, as if in understanding.
" It's okay. I can stay awake with you; dawn is not that far of."
He really did not want to be left alone with his thoughts but did not want to bother Faline.
" You don't have to. "
" I stay up with Gobo on nights when his illness is too much. Sometimes even when Mum falls asleep. "
Her whispers were as soft as she could possibly speak.
Just as he agreed to it, another rustling startled them. It was Gobo who woke up, then saw them awake, and like his sister he made his way to them. He lay on Bambi's other side.
" Can't sleep? "
" Don't want to. "
He let out a yawn in place of his words. His whispers were so low that Bambi could hear only some words. But he got what was asked.
" Gobo go to sleep."
Faline said. She did not want him to fall into illness again from fatigue, he had just gotten better. She was terrified of his sicknesses, maybe even more than he was.
" Can I sleep here? "
He asked Bambi in that soft breezy voice of his, and Bambi nodded. Gobo lay next to Bambi and his body heat travelled through Bambi with a shudder.
Faline and Bambi stayed awake till dawn. He held so much gratitude for her, even for Gobo who slept next to him. He cared immensely for them and held love for them even when he left in the morning.
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'Forget' is not a word that exists in friendship. I have never heard of it, let alone thought of it.
The warm spring air gave way to the sweltering humidity of summer. The days grew longer and the nights shorter. The animals were coated with their summer fur and fully lost the winter ones. The horns that had been shed were fully grown and hunting days grew. Trips to the watering areas grew as most animals went to cool off in the increasing heat. Even the summer showers were warm at times. Summer in the southern forest was lazy and warm. Several wild fruits were in abundance and the plants were green and leafy, that meant plenty.
Karus and Solon met Nettla, who tolerated them more than she did most people. They also were seen more often near their thicket as Friend Owl had taken them in. They were extremely excited when they told Bambi and showered him with so many compliments and so much gratitude that the poor fawn burned up for days around them. They had plans to move to a more secluded place, but it would be tedious to look for a place with water and chilly winds so they stayed until the winds of autumn would blow in the forest.
Bambi had visited Friend Owl a couple of times, and the Owl had been very happy to see the young fawn. They spoke for a bit, all while Karus and Solon did menial tasks that Bambi suspected had nothing to do with scholarly matters, but he did not know their ways or teachings. They spoke of history and the great animals before them with the two apprentices chiming in at some moments with highly exaggerated tales, which caused Friend Owl to order them back to work and Bambi to suppress a laugh. They also spoke of princes, which Karus was very silent at.
He loved spending time with them and learning all matter of things. He could also share a lot with them like the herbs and plants he and Nettla used. They seemed very interested in them and even when Solon got an injury to his wing, they used crushed lavender to sooth him of the pain. He got better quite quickly. Friend Owl and Karus called him a healer and he told Nettla, who seemed incredibly proud of him.
They also spent some amount of time by Aunt Ena's but did not sleep there, much to her disappointment. Nettla had seen that Bambi had not slept that night and had chastised him for not saying anything. He grew even more loving of the twins and enjoyed their company more. In secret he had told them about Karus and Solon and had made them swear to not tell anyone. Faline was angry that he had not told them earlier and Gobo was pleased to be included in the secret. During that time, they also grew very curious about matters such as scenting, and attempted to scent each other on the scent glands outside their hind legs.
That caused quite a stir from Aunt Ena and Nettla, who told them that it was something done by mothers and mates. They were not that regretful, in fact they quite enjoyed carrying each other's scents. Faline and Gobo had similar scents, with an undertone of aspen, but Gobo's was much more saccharine like honeysuckle and summer fruits, while Faline's was strong like that of wisteria. Bambi's, on the other hand, was blueberries and buttercups with undertones of oak and maple. Karus asked him about it when they met and he replied dismissively about not noticing anything.
When he met with his old friend Thumper once more, he was actually with another old friend, Flower. Flower was telling him about different flowers and their meanings and seasons. They had met quite a few times with Flower being ecstatic to talk about flowers to Bambi. They spoke of other things of course, but the small skunk was most excited when speaking about flowers. It was one of these days, when they were by the brook, when Bambi saw very familiar blue-greyish fur by them. He heard a flurry of voices and what he recognised as the scent of rabbits. He heard another voice telling them to keep quiet.
Then they came out of the bush. It was a mother and her litter. He recognised one of them at the very back. So did Flower who had noticed Bambi's shifting attention. He perked up immediately when he saw the rabbit. The rabbit was busy mumbling something under his breath, when he picked up a scent and looked in their direction. He perked up as well and hopped to them.
"Hello Thumper."
" Good evening Thumper."
Bambi and Flower said at the same time.
" Good evening Thumper... as if I haven't seen you in months. You just left. "
His voice started out playful but ended in a sad vulnerability. He had wanted to be there for Bambi but his closest friend without so much as a goodbye. He was good at putting up a front and being eccentric and proud, but Bambi was his friend and he cared for the fawn so much.
Bambi looked down. He had to leave, Thumper knew that. he couldn't stay there. And he knew even a simple farewell would do, but his grief had taken over his mind and he had not thought of anything else.
" I'm sorry it's just that the Great Prince came for me after the...accident, and I couldn't think of anything else. "
Thumper understood, of course he understood, but that didn't mean that he wasn't hurt. The explanation wouldn't ease the fact that he wanted anything, even a message from a bird.
" It's fine. I just wanted to be there for you, as a friend. If we are friends, that is. "
He said with uncertainty. His voice wavered from its usual tone of confidence and fell into uneasiness. Time had passed and he was not sure if he was needed.
" Of course we are friends Thumper. Always will be. "
Bambi was glad to see Thumper. He had missed his close friend dearly.
" I'm glad that you are both here. "
Flower's soft voice pulled them from their thoughts as the skunk went to embrace the rabbit. Thumper tried to push him away but failed and resigned to the hug.
" Oh that's so sweet. "
" Very very sweet. "
" Who knew Thumpie could be so nice."
His sisters who had noticed his absence cooed at him and Flower, snickering and speaking over each other. He finally managed to shove Flower off who took it very well and simply attached himself once more to Bambi's side.
" Oh shut up, you annoying-"
" Thumper what did your pa say? "
With his mother's voice, he seemed to be incredibly subdued and bashful.
" If you have nothin' nice to say, you better say nothin' at all. "
"And? "
" I should be nice to my sisters."
She nodded and went back to drinking water. She greeted Bambi and Flower and asked the girls to stop disturbing Thumper and his friends. They reluctantly went to her side and Thumper had a smug grin on his face. Bambi had never had a sibling. He wondered how that would've been. Of course he had Faline and Gobo but it was different. Thumper blew a raspberry at them to which the smallest of them returned. He then sat by Bambi and Flower with a satisfied look on his face.
They spoke of many things. Thumper and his family had gone to the edges of the forest and he said that on certain days they would see Man approach the forest. His Ma often told him to hide the moment they spotted them. After he had said that, Bambi had asked him to stop speaking of Man and the topic shifted with a quick apology. He then talked of all the fruit and plants. Then of the other rabbits who looked like them and those who looked different to them. Then he talked more about the food.
Bambi told him of Karus, Solon, Faline, Gobo and Nettla. He said told him about all that they had done, and how he truly cared for them. At that, the rabbit got a bit jealous of all the new friends in Bambi's life but Bambi assured him that he meant more to him. Flower chimed in at times. He had met Karus and Solon when visiting Friend Owl and had taken a liking to them. They found out that Thumper's family were around till mid- autumn. Bambi was happy to hear that and so was Flower who tried to give Thumper another hug but was quickly pushed off and he went for Bambi's neck which Bambi accepted and the skunk was satisfied.
They said their goodbyes when Bambi had to leave and Thumper was called by his mother. They said their goodbyes and promised to speak as often as they possibly could.