Chapter Text
“Jenny, I need your help, and rather urgently.” Was how Edwin walked into the woman's’ newly reopened butcher shop early one Tuesday afternoon. The shop was empty apart from the woman in question, who immediately reached for one of the cleavers within arms reach of her.
“I am ready, what or who needs slicing and dicing up? Werewolf? No, poltergeist? Maybe a new witch?? God, I would absolutely love to deal with a witch BEFORE they destroy my shop again.”
”Good Lord woman, that is NOT what I meant, I need—“ Edwin switched tracks abruptly, “Wait, why were you so ready for me to ask you to commit acts of violence with me? Eager even?”
Jenny gazed over at him, unrepentant in the least. “It’s a lady thing, I frankly don’t have the time or inclination to explain it to you. Deep down, we all yearn for violence.”
She put the cleaver down. Rather dejectedly, Edwin noted.
”Anyway, what is the urgent need then, if we aren’t committing acts of violence to solidify our bonds of friendship?”
And oh, Edwin had forgotten this part. The part where, if he wanted help with his problem, he was going to have to do a bit of explaining first. Alright then. Deep breaths, he could do this.
”Jenny, I am about to share with you quite a lot of heretofore unknown information, about several subjects. And I just really need you to withhold judgement and commentary until I’ve gotten to the end of it, alright?”
To her unending credit, Jenny didn’t flinch. “Bring it, ghost boy. Nothing could shock me anymore.”
Edwin had intended to give her a little background information first, maybe even a brief supernatural history lesson, before he threw the situation at her. He’d made notecards for the occasion in fact, so he wouldn’t forget any important points.
Notecards he promptly forgot to pull from his pocket as he vomited words.
“I have been coming to Port Townsend recently to romantically see a supernatural being called the Cat King who rules over this town unbeknownst to the humans who live here and I need your help because he asked me out on an, and I quote, ‘actual proper date night’, and I don’t know what the correct etiquette is here.”
There was silence for a long moment, before Jenny held up a single finger.
”Hold one moment, please, I need to retrieve something from the back.”
And she headed through into the kitchen area of the shop.
Edwin was tempted to follow her and see if she had just walked out the back door of the shop and left him there to wallow in his patheticness, but after a minute or two, she came back, holding a book with several bookmarks in it, open to one section in particular he couldn’t see.
“Alright, let’s do this. What are your questions regarding the date specifically? What areas are concerning you the most in this exact moment?”
”What areas…Jenny, what is that book you are holding?”
”Oh this?” She hefted the book in his direction, and he could see a very long title on the cover briefly. “This is the emergency parenting book I picked up when Niko first rented the room above my shop. And this,” She showed him the page she was currently on, “is the chapter on ‘dealing with your child's first relationship’.”
Edwin could only stare at her in a dumbfounded silence.
”What? I know you’re older than me, but in this particular case I would say this is still a useful tool, wouldn’t you?”
“Jenny, I’ve just told you that I’m dating the immortal feline ruler of your town and have been hiding the relationship and his existence from you, and your first instinct is to get a book of parenting advice?”
“Well, actually my first instinct was to celebrate the proof of you not coming to Port Townsend to stalk me, which I was still concerned about just a touch. Despite how incredibly gay you obviously are, it was still unshakeable. I should probably see a therapist about that soon, but who has the time?” She shrugged ambivalently. “The book seemed like a more appropriate response.”
Sometimes, Edwin took a brief look at his afterlife and the lives of those around him, and was struck by just how insane some of the circumstances they’d had thrown at them were. That being said, Jenny was taking this extraordinarily well.
He’d underestimated her. And he wouldn’t make that mistake again.
”Alright then, now that we’ve closed the book on the stalking case once and for all. Let’s get back to the issue at hand, shall we?”
Hand still keeping the page she’d shown him earlier ready, Jenny nodded.
“Go for it Edwin.”
“What am I supposed to wear????”
Two hours, five (small) breakdowns, and one attempt to walk out the mirror later had Edwin ready to head for the Cat King’s warehouse. They weren’t staying there, he knew that much, but he wasn’t exactly sure where it was they were headed.
He hesitated in front of the mirror, wishing again it was possible to see his reflection in it. Surely Kingsley had a spare enchanted mirror somewhere he could gift Jenny…
“I see you stalling Edwin, don’t think I don’t.”
Ah,right. Jenny was still watching him as he dithered in front of the mirror.
Wincing, Edwin resisted the urge to pull at his sleeves. He’d been instructed to not touch them, under any circumstances, that it would mess up the ‘perfect forearm showoff’ Jenny had arranged for him.
She’d let him keep a shirt with a collar, and he did appreciate that. And his shoes were his own, something about keeping one thing the same to be comfortable in. The pants? That was its own story altogether.
“Edwin, for the final time. Yes, you look nice. No, the pants are not too tight or revealing. Yes, they are meant to be tighter than your usual ones. No, you don’t look silly. And yes, your messy hair is precious and I should be getting an award for it.”
Jenny stepped up to his side. “I know you’re overthinking this, so did I cover everything?”
Reluctantly, Edwin nodded.
”Alright then. Go get your man, and have a great date night. And don’t forget, I want to meet him at some point, we need to throw down about the Rings movies. Fellowship being the best my ass , it’s obviously Return of the King .”
And she gave him a friendly, if brusque nudge towards the mirror.
Taking a deep breath, Edwin stepped into the Cat King’s throne room. Calliope was sitting staring at the mirror, clearly having been waiting for him. Limp now healed, she immediately wound herself around his ankles for a moment or two before nodding in satisfaction.
“Dahlia and Pietro are out on patrol. He’s still primping, come and see Sink’s new kittens.”
And he was led towards a very plush bed setup, where the new mother cat Sink very seriously introduced all five of her new kittens to him. Edwin had never really considered himself a cat person, although he knew he was most certainly NOT a dog person, but they were rather adorable, and he found himself cradling one on his lap while another explored his shoulder bravely.
“Sweet merciful gods above and below, what happened to your hair?”
Glancing up from the kittens, Edwin was struck briefly dumb at the sight of Kingsley, who had opted for a rather lovely swishing red skirt, paired with a shirt that showed off quite a lot of very touchable looking skin. Belatedly realizing he was staring, Edwin returned the kittens to Sink and stood.
“Hello Kingsley, you look lovely this evening.”
Kingsley smirked at him, opened his mouth to reply, and what came out was “Hot”.
“I’m sorry, what’s hot?”
Blinking, Kingsley made a gesture at Edwin that seemed to encompass his entire personage. What was that supposed to—oh, he was the hot thing. Edwin felt himself glowing with pride, just a bit, that he had apparently rendered Kingsley incapable of further descriptors.
“So I take it you like it then? I’ll have to tell Jenny her efforts were not in vain.”
Stepping closer, Kingsley pulled him into a quick but fierce kiss, voice hoarse as he finally answered. “The Hair. The Arms. The PANTS, Edwin I’m just a man. Fucking hell, does Ms. Green know she just made my favorite persons list?”
Laughing, Edwin stepped back towards the mirror. ”I thought we had a reservation to keep? You can ogle me all you want when we get to where we are going, which is…”
He trailed off, hoping Kingsley wouldn’t keep him in suspense any longer.
Snatching up his hand, Kingsley pulled him in for a hug, and when Edwin pulled away, they were in an alley.
There was a lot of ambient noise coming from the street, and they were clearly in some sort of Southern based city, judging by the heat and humidity, but Edwin was still in the dark. Deciding to play along for now, he let Kingsley pull him onto the main thoroughfare and towards their destination. He assumed it was a restaurant of some sort, though he wasn’t sure why they hadn’t just magicked up takeaway for Edwin to try as they had done before. Still, reservation implied dining out, so they must be—
Abruptly, someone walked into him.
“Oh, hey man, sorry. Didn’t see you there, like you came out of nowhere.”
Stunned, Edwin ignored the stranger as he turned to Kingsley, who was still leading Edwin, but now had a massive grin across his face.
“Am I…am I visible right now????”
“Astute observation, detective. Can’t get anything past you.”
Kingsley stopped them in front of a building, turning to Edwin with a look of honest delight in his eyes.
“Welcome back to the world of the living, sweetheart. Very temporarily, but you’re gonna need to be fully present for what I’ve got in store for us tonight.”
And he gestured to the building, which Edwin could now see had a sign proclaiming it ‘13th Gate’. Inside, various groups of people were milling about, and cameras showed other groups in different rooms with timers on them, all of which seemed to have some kind of theme…Edwin’s head was on a swivel trying to figure out what was happening here.
“Figured it out yet there Eds?”
Shaking his head in utter befuddlement, Edwin was forced to admit that he had not.
“This, my dear Edwin, is what we the 21st century call, The Escape Room. And I think. You are going to love it.”