Chapter Text
(hoseok doesn't know what compelled his twenty year old self to get attached to his college roommate and unexpected son. whenever he thinks back on it, it doesn't make much since.
sure, at the time yoongi had no idea what he was doing and often forgot to feed taehyung and forgot the importance of baby playtime. sure, yoongi, who in his defense hadn't planned on having a son at all let alone in the middle of med school, gave off a negativity that hoseok had been wary would upset the baby. but he wasn't a bad father.
there was no reason for hoseok to care as much as he did. but in his defense he always had a soft spot for babies. especially babies with a thousand watt smile like taehyung. so when yoongi dropped out of school, got a low paying job and his own apartment, hoseok showed up on his doorstep two weeks later with diapers, baby clothes, and all other necessities.
part of him knew it was because yoongi had been the top of their class. he was brilliant and quickly on his way to becoming perhaps the best doctor in all of korea. part of hoseok felt guilty about that. here was this guy with all of the potential and genius who had his aspirations snatched from him. part of the reason hoseok felt the need to help out was because he felt guilty.
even if it was misplaced and nonsensical, it was still guilt. but guilt quickly morphed into actual affection because taehyung was the best kid in he entire universe.
"you know you're not his real uncle," yoongi had said once upon a time when taehyung was three years old and managed to utter the word. "right?"
hoseok had looked away from the toddler in his arms and down at yoongi. "oh...but i am."
"oncol," taehyung smiled again, uttering the word in that adorable, exaggerated way of his. "oncol."
"that's right," he lifted the child in his arms and laughed when taehyung kicked his feet and giggled at the thrill of it. "say 'hobi'. uncle hobi. i am his uncle, by the way. you don't have any brothers."
yoongi shook his head. "that doesn't make you one."
"the blood of the covenant, my friend," he tossed taehyung up a little and caught him effortlessly. taehyung laughed louder. "thicker than the water of the womb. say 'uncle hobi'."
taehyung settled onto hoseok's side, his legs hooked around his side. he toyed with hoseok's collar. his mouth started to fix itself for pronunciation, his lips rounding tightly. "hoe!"
hoseok paused. "did he just call me...?"
"you are. a bit.")
seokjin looks the slightest bit hesitant when he hands jimin over. it's a look that hoseok has seen plenty of times having gotten most of his college tuition from babysitting during summer breaks. also because yoongi went from not knowing what to do to helicopter parent in the matter of months.
hoseok shifts so that jimin can settle comfortably onto him without being stirred awake. the boy's head rests in the crook of his neck, his warm breath tickling hosek's skin. with one arm supporting jimin, hoseok uses the other one to carry the overnight bag seokjin had packed.
"there's a change of clothes in here, his blankie, and some snacks. also his vitamins, i wasn't sure if you had any with you but...yeah."
hoseok shifts, watching seokjin closely. "any food he prefers? allergies?"
"no allergies," stroking the back of jimin's head, seokjin's eyes stay on his son, not even glancing toward hoseok. "he doesn't like apples or avocado but that's about it. he may not eat right off the bat though, sometimes he doesn't have an appetite when he wakes up."
"okay."
seokjin nods, eyes lingering on jimin's back, before he starts turning away. as he's sliding into the passenger seat once more, hoseok calls out to him.
"i'm gonna take care of him, alright?"
seokjin smiles in appreciation.
they had only just met a week or so ago but hoseok really liked seokjin. he had immense respect for him too because, according to yoongi, seokjin has been through the ringer, tossed through the ringer, thrown through the ringer, and came out, tended to his wounds and stood tall. he was like a lone survivor or something. hoseok liked to think of him as mad max...only nicer...and with a son.
"i want to hear those rules," yoongi interrupts hoseok's train of thought, snapping his tiny pale fingers.
hoseok rolls his eyes. "no candy, no cake, no coffee, no anything because you like to deprive him of an enjoyable--"
"no coffee...?"
"no milkshakes, no cookies," hoseok finishes lamely. he has no intention of following these rules but he knows yoongi likes to make sure he knows what they are. "now, if you don't mind, there's a child here and it's cold so i'm gonna get him inside."
hoseok turns away, jogging toward the entrance and he hears yoongi shout before driving off: "i mean it!"
when hoseok reenters his apartment, he has to kick and stumble over the toys that are spread out carelessly over the carpet. maybe he was a bit too lenient as an uncle and a babysitter but in his defense, there is no way any human is capable of denying taehyung anything with his wide eyes and insatiable curiosity.
except yoongi.
but hoseok had decided, shortly after yoongi lectured him about the importance of not letting taehyung watch attack on titan or "violent" cartoons, that yoongi was soulless.
he continues to step over toy cars, action figures, puzzle pieces, etc until he tiptoes into his bedroom where taehyung is still sound asleep in the large bed. very carefully, overly gentle, he lays jimin down in the bed next to taehyung before re-tucking them both in.
he regards them both for a few moments before leaving the room and closing the door as quietly as possible.
"see?" hoseok hears hours later when he's still trying to hang on to the thin thread of slumber. it's taehyung's small voice right next to his ear. "he's not a monster."
hoseok is pretty sure, even in sleep, that his own forehead wrinkles in confusion.
another voice peeps in quiet and subdued. "but he sounds like a monster."
"he's not. he's my uncle. daddy says he's just loud when he sleeps because he doesn't have manners."
ah.
his snoring must have woken them up. probably terrified jimin who was likely already in a volatile state considering he went to sleep with his dad and woke up in a stranger's bed. at least hoseok had put him next to his best friend.
hoseok cracks an eye open. taehyung, who had his back turned to him, doesn't notice but jimin audibly gasps and takes a step back. he pulls taehyung with him when he does as their hands were already intertwined.
taehyung turns. "good morning."
"what time is it?" having turned his head and set his face deep into the couch cushion as a means of protecting his gorgeous eyes from the searing sunlight, his voice comes out muffled.
"nine-two-one," taehyung answers slowly and hoseok groans a little bit before laughing weakly.
he turns onto his back and stretches his arms up. he really should furnish the guest bedroom he has because this whole giving taehyung his bed when he's under babysitting duties is getting old. (but he's do it every time because he's weak). "i don't know any five year olds who like to get up this early on the weekend."
"you scared jimin," taehyung accuses. "it's because your snore."
hoseok sits up, swinging his legs onto the floor and the kids quickly climb up next to him. jimin a little more hesitant than than taehyung. "nuh-uh, you're exaggerating," hoseok leans over to catch sight of jimin who's doing an immaculate job of hiding himself behind taehyung. "jimin?"
jimin nods slowly.
taehyung had told hoseok that he was shy but hoseok thought he meant taehyung shy. taehyung who struck up conversations with the cashiers at the grocery store, who effortlessly befriended everyone who came his way. he hadn't expected someone so genuinely shy. this was going to take a lot of effort.
hoseok reaches his hand out. "i'm uncle hoseok. you can call me that too, you know?"
"but you're taehyung's uncle."
"you're taehyung's best friend," hoseok fakes confusion for a second. "wait, are you not?"
"i am," jimin answers quickly.
"ah...then you can call me uncle too. of course. it's relation by extension."
uncharacteristic of taehyung, he doesn't ask for any elucidation. instead he sighs, his hair still sticking up and his eyes still tired. hoseok's snoring must have been exceptionally loud if it roused jimin from sleep and terrified him enough to wake taehyung up. "what's for breakfast?"
"elmo."
hoseok stands up, scratching the back of his head and yawning as he does. one step and pain shoots through his foot, travels up his leg. the pain lights a fire in his bones and he shouts. "fudge sundae! hot fudge sundae!"
quiet whispered confetti of more colorful vocabulary fall in his mind as he hisses and removes the lego that's attached itself to his heel and tosses it to the side. through his pain, he's able to smile at himself because he's gotten significantly better at managing his profanity around taehyung.
once he had let a few too many f-bombs drop in taehyung's presence and taehyung, then three years old and a sponge for learning, used them excitedly. hoseok had to beg him through a panic attack to never use that word around yoongi and prayed that he would forget it. he did. or at least he stopped using it.
the kids cheer and whoop and for a millisecond, hoseok fears that they've hatched a plan to assassinate him. death by legos. but then his mind clicks. "oh," he whines. "no. guys--"
"what kind of hot fudge sundae?" jimin asks quietly but with excitement still teeming from him.
"can i have a banana split too?" taehyung asks. "can you make a banana split a sundae? can they be the same thing?"
hoseok groans a little, torn between just giving in because holy shit he thought taehyung's eyes made him weak but jimin's are just as bad and sticking to his water guns. "tae, you can't have ice cream for breakfast."
"but we did last time."
and last time, hoseok thinks, your dad tried to kill me.
"that was," hoseok finally uses his brain and resolve and turns away so the two sets of too bright eyes aren't pinning into him. "you had a bad day that day, remember? i was just being a good uncle."
"you have to be good today too," taehyung reasons. "jimin wants ice cream."
"but--"
"and you scared him, remember?" the innocence in taehyung's voice is almost enough to make his heavy-handed suggestion go over hoseok's head.
hoseok turns back around and offers a meek shrug. "you got me there. jimin, what kind of ice cream is your favorite?"
he doesn't really have to ask. taehyung had shared everything he knew about jimin when they first befriended each other, telling both hoseok and yoongi what his favorite everything was. hoseok knows that it's green tea ice cream (he'd gone to the grocery to pick it up) just like he knows his favorite superhero is hulk and his favorite cartoon is little wizard tao. but hoseok wants jimin to feel like he can talk freely.
"green tea," taehyung answers for him instead and hoseok all but glares in his direction. as if reading his mind, taehyung shrugs. "you scared him."
"alright," hoseok turns on his heel and enters the kitchen. "one green tea sundae and one strawberry sundae coming right up."
as he's pulling down all of his special ingredients (he always keeps something sweet in his house), the children climb up on the stools in front of the kitchen island. hoseok sets the sundae glasses in front of them and starts spooning the green tea first.
"i'm sorry," hoseok smiles softly at jimin who mirrors the expression. "i didn't mean to scare you. but if i don't snore when i sleep, did i really sleep at all?"
"jimin doesn't snore," taehyung says. "daddy doesn't either."
"wow," hoseok pauses. taehyung has always been a particularly interrogative "give me a break."
at that, both jimin and taehyung giggle and hoseok has a creeping suspicion that that had been taehyung's goal the entire time.
after cascading the tall glasses of ice cream with cherries and nuts and chocolate, hoseok hands them both spoons. "one cosmo for you. and one wanda for you."
they both dig in but not without confusion marring their expressions. "what's cosmo and wanda?"
hoseok blanches. "the fairies...godparents...pink and green...timmy turner. tae, i used to sing the theme song to you when you were a baby."
forehead creased deep, taehyung gapes in surprise and shakes his head. "i don't know what i did when i was a baby."
gauging both of their expressions, hoseok's disbelief and disappointment becomes more profound. he sets his elbows on the table, cups his cheeks, and stares at the two kids. jimin is staring back at him, still wary and confused as he slowly dips into the sundae. taehyung stares back but it doesn't stop him from scarfing his breakfast down.
hoseok wraps a hand around taehyung's gently. "slow down. you two seriously have never heard of fairly oddparents?"
they shake their heads.
hoseok groans. "what kind of bliss have your parents been depriving you of? jimin, you watch spongebob, right?"
jimin nods. "everyone watches spongebob."
"right, you are...please tell me you know about star wars."
jimin nods and taehyung speaks. "the clone wars with all the green lasers and space and aliens!"
pursing his lips to contain a more flamboyant expression of disappointment, hoseok exhales through his nose and sinks until his forehead is on the cool surface of the island. "okay. i know today is sunday. and it's winter break. and you guys already had a lot of homework and schooling this semester...but we're going to make a lesson plan today."
"what's a lesson plan?" taehyung asks at the same time that jimin plops some of his own ice cream into taehyung's glass.
"lesson plan," hoseok rifles through his kitchen drawers until he finds a torn up and worn notepad. he only has to take one step out of the kitchen to step on one of taehyung's blue crayons. "like when your teachers tell you to draw pictures or, i dunno, trace the alphabet."
"we did that in pre-k."
"excuse me," hoseok sets the notepad down on the countertop and writes in bold blue letters IMPERATIVE WATCH LIST. "we're creating a lesson plan of necessary pop culture consumption. fairly odd parents, star wars, dc comic villains that g-rated cartoons keep hidden from you."
being a star wars fanboy is just one expertise of hoseok's many. watching the series is one of the best past times a person can take part in. but it turns out watching it with two precocious and inquisitive five year olds who have never seen it before is a step up from watching it alone. seeing their reactions are a different kind of entertainment.
like when leia kisses luke:
"gross!"
jimin and taehyung say at the same time, almost in perfect harmony and definitely in synch, shielding their eyes when leia kisses luke. normally, hoseok would object that when they get older they would like it but this time he only nods. "totally gross."
or when luke finally finds out that darth vader is his dad:
"oh my god!" taehyung shouts out too loudly at the same time that he pulls at his hair dramatically. jimin gasps audibly and they both stare at the television screen, faces fading into white.
then there's the revelation that luke and leia are actually twins:
taehyung stands up and jumps up and down excitedly. whether it was movies like brother bear or the parent trap, taehyung loved stories where there were siblings even more than dinosaur or rocket science stories. he hits jimin's shoulder playfully: "i wanna be a twin!"
but jimin looks confused. maybe even a tad grossed out. hoseok sees him turn in his peripheral but he doesn't turn back. he keeps his own eyes on the television and waits. "mr. hoseok?"
hoseok doesn't respond. he waits...and he waits...and he almost turns back when:
"uncle hoseok?"
it's impossible to contain the grin that breaks out on hoseok's face so he doesn't even try. he's certain this his smile is blinding when he turns to look at jimin. "yes?"
"why did princess leia kiss luke like that?" jimin tilts his head. he looks torn. like that kissing scene was already gross enough without the addition of it being two siblings.
hoseok can only shake his head, throwing his arm around the child in an attempt to settle his confusion. "because george lucas may or may not be a little icky."
as everyone dances and sings with what may as well be tiki torches to the backdrop of "yub nub", taehyung drops back onto the sofa on the other side of hoseok. he lifts hoseok's arm and drops it over his shoulder. "do you wanna be twins, jimin?"
jimin leans up from the other side and leans over hoseok's lap to meet taehyung half way. "we can be twins?"
"can we?"
this time the question is directed at hoseok who folds immediately. amongst his older friends, hoseok has a reputation of being brutally honest. but he finds it's damned impossible to be honest when they're looking at him with identical puppy dog eyes.
he shrugs.
genetics doesn't make things official anyway.
"of course, you can," hoseok's heart starts doing acrobats when both of their faces brighten into little identical stars. "i now pronounce you twins."
"now this," hoseok says a few hours later, after they've eaten lunch (pizza) and after they've had their in-door nerf gun fight, as he ensures the levels on his exceptional stereo system are great. he's put on best of led zeppelin. "this is our essential music lesson. this is led zeppelin, arguably the best rock group ever."
"arr-gyoo-blee?"
"queen might be better," hoseok waves his hand for the kids to come join him in front of the system. when the two of them have settled in next to him, he pushes play.
"kashmir" bursts out into the apartment, the volume amplified in the small space and the bass making all of them vibrate. the kids giggle at the sensation as well as the music. the heavy guitar and drum power makes them giddy in the way that kids tend to get when they start to feel like rock stars.
as the two of them start to dance, rocking along with invisible guitars and headbanging like no tomorrow, hoseok feels exceedingly grateful to his twenty year old self. after all, if not for his decision, he wouldn't be an uncle at all.
(who cares if yoongi claims it isn't real? jimin and taehyung are twins, anything is possible.)
✨
"where am i going now?" thought he. "this is the black goblin's fault, i am sure. ah, well, if the little lady were only here with me in the boat, i should not care for any darkness--oh."
"what?" jimin and taehyung ask it at the same time, both their eyes wide and expectant as their tiny hands grip tight at the fleece blanket spread out over them.
from his side of the bed, seokjin looks at yoongi and starts closing the fairytale book. "it's past bedtime, we'll have to finish the story later."
"oh my god," jimin sighs heavily, throwing his head back and bringing his hands up to his face. taehyung, on the other hand, looks too shocked to even display proper disappointment. the two of them had been so engaged in the story, so swept up in the fairytale that their knuckles had faded white when their grips on the blanket tightened. initially, when seokjin started reading them the story, they were slightly reluctant, bemoaning bed time in favor of staying up late to play together. but as seokjin read, taking on voices of the various characters and getting appropriately enthusiastic, they couldn't tear their eyes away.
yoongi was awed.
whenever he told taehyung bedtime stories, the attention given to him was solely dependent on how tired taehyung was beforehand. if he'd had a very long, weary day with finger painting and play-doh, taehyung was more pliant and willing to listen with much fuss. but if he had a boring day that left too much excitement internally bubbling up and over, no listening would be done.
but when seokjin told stories? his voice was so captivating even yoongi had trouble not getting wound up. but, in his defense, along with having a deeply captivating voice and an entertaining method of storytelling, seokjin had yoongi's heart and wore it on his sleeve like a jewel.
"but uncle jin," taehyung whispers slowly, enunciating and stretching out each syllable. "how are we gonna sleep?"
seokjin laughs a little, reaches out and tucks a lock of hair behind taehyung's ear, caressing his cheek. "by closing your eyes and counting sheep."
"daddy, we can't sleep without the story."
"since when?"
"since all the time," jimin looks exasperated. in the months since summer vacation, his quiet and glacial nature melted off until he got to the point where he could speak to almost strangers without whispering into taehyung's ear first. yoongi was proud, seokjin was immensely proud, but no one seemed to be more prepared to brag about it than taehyung.
("daddy," he'd beamed one day when yoongi was helping him into the car after school. "can we make jimin a cake?"
"of course. in a universe where i'm capable of baking without burning, we can always bake him a cake. but what's the occasion?"
"occasion?"
"why do you want to bake him a cake?"
at that, taehyung lit up even more, smile growing and stretching out until yoongi found it impossible to not smile back. "today when mrs. kim asked a question, he answered it by himself!")
"mr. min?"
yoongi looks at jimin who's peering up at him with wide eyes, glassy and hopeful. he leans over and runs a hand over the child's cheek, caressing his skin in the most comforting way. "yeah?"
"can you tell daddy that if we don't finish the story, we can't sleep?"
yoongi looks from jimin to seokjin, the latter of the two giving him the look, a raised eyebrow and pursed lips, that roughly means to not even attempt. jimin looks at him and it reminds yoongi of bambi, nemo, the adorable kids from the emperor's new groove and seokjin doesn't even look surprised when yoongi shrugs. "uncle jin?"
seokjin smirks challengingly. "oh, mr. min, i don't think you want to get into that right now. bedtime is bedtime and," seokjin leans forward and presses his lips to jimin's forehead then taehyung's. "as much as i would love to let you stay up and read you every tale in this book, you have to go to school tomorrow."
"we won't be tired," taehyung speaks up, a cute desperation making his voice tinge off the precipice of adorable. "we promise!"
"while that may be true, first grade is very different from kindergarten and, regardless of how you feel now, tomorrow could be emotionally draining."
"different how?"
seokjin goes quiet, not because he doesn't want to answer or because he doesn't know the answer but because yoongi should be the one to explain it. after all, seokjin can't be the only bad guy. yoongi clears his throat. "for example, there's no nap time in first grade."
jimin's eyes, yoongi swears, go dark for a split second and his shoulders hunch in something akin to defeat. "really?"
"really," yoongi nods.
"nuh-uh," taehyung shakes his head. "you're trying to trick us!"
yoongi shakes his head. "it's true."
"nuh-uh."
"uh-huh, look, i went to first grade, remember? there was no nap time, there was very little playtime, and snack time was a dark period."
"your mom only put vegetables in your baggies, didn't she?" seokjin chuckles a little and yoongi smiles at him like he's a pinnacle of elation. no matter how hard either of them try, they can't help but do that, can't help but share secret smiles that aren't really secret at all. sometimes, they're both too aware of how obvious they're being but most of the time, it can't be helped.
yoongi nods before finally tearing his eyes away and looking back at the children. "not a single teddy graham to be had."
"was there playtime?"
there was.
yoongi remembers sitting under the slide and toying with wood chips while the rest of his classmates played on jungle gyms and in sandboxes. he preferred being inside but even then he couldn't complain about not having to do work. he nods. "but it wasn't as fun as kindergarten."
it's quiet for a minute. yoongi knows before anyone says anything that he may have taken it a step too far. the trepidation is confirmed when taehyung sighs heavily and asks:
"why can't we stay home then?"
"and not go to school?" seokjin asks. "ever?"
jimin nods. "first grade doesn't sound fun."
smile softening, seokjin puts the book away on the bedside table and focuses all of his attention on the children. they both look at him with serious, expectant expressions and yoongi matches them with unprecedented anticipation. "there are gonna be so many things in life that aren't very fun, sweetheart. but you two have each other. and when you have someone with you, someone who really cares about you like you two do, even the boring things will seem exciting."
taehyung nods as if to reiterate the affirmation. "like how doing homework with daddy is funner than when i'm by myself, right?"
"right," seokjin nods. "so, don't worry. besides, you can always make it fun in your own way. okay? okay. now, get to sleep. you two have a big day tomorrow."
the children finally accept the goodnight kisses and wishes without much fanfare and, after yoongi presses a long kiss to taehyung's forehead, the two adults draw away into the dark hallway, quietly shutting the door behind them.
"that was my fault," yoongi whispers as they step into the foyer. the light in the room is dim and warm like the orange glow of a tea candle. it feels appropriate for how warm he feels inside, how his stomach kind of pinches and tingles in the most pleasant ways.
seokjin nods at the same time that he encircles a hand around yoongi's wrist, skin barely grazing skin. "you took it a step too far with the playtime thing."
yoongi puts on a sheepish expression identical to the one his son gets when he's been caught sneaking snacks before dinner. he waits for seokjin to tug him forward but if the summer's proven anything it was that seokjin in all of his rough experiences and calloused hands was gentle even when gentleness didn't need to be permitted. instead, yoongi steps forward, leans in until they're sharing the same breath and smiles. "sorry," he barely whispers when their lips brush together.
the summer had been kind to them in ways neither of them really anticipated.
in the midst of picking up odd jobs, seokjin found a position as a temp at an office job, taking the position of a salesperson who would be out of work for a month. after working there for two weeks alone, the bosses had made a decision to have him put on the permanent payroll, impressed by his work ethic and commitment. seokjin had come by to pick up jimin, high on the ecstasy of life and excited to share it. he picked the kids up and twirled them around and, when they had privacy, actually gave yoongi a kiss louder than words.
it was the first legitimate kiss they shared and yoongi almost felt embarrassed by it, probably would have had he not been so thrilled. beforehand, he assumed -- even though he loved holding seokjin's hand and that they were, by all intents and purposes, dating -- that kissing another guy would be weird, would probably jolt him from his infatuation. but seokjin wasn't any other guy. seokjin was where yoongi's disappointment and anguish went to die, replaced by everything warm and right.
yoongi has loved many people in his life. he loves his mother, loves his father, loves his grandparents, and loves his friends. he loves taehyung so much, too much, more than anything, and not enough. but none of those loves ever felt like what it does with seokjin. it's different. not wrong, not unenjoyable. simply different. when they kiss, yoongi elevates to cloud nineteen and higher. he never wants to pull away but he always does.
they part slow, lips still trying to cling to each other. he's there. flowing and floating and flying to quiet heights, yoongi keeps his eyes closed to avoid coming back down. when seokjin speaks, his voice barely breaks over the quiet, breezes over the both of them like a gentle wind. "i have work in the morning."
"i know," yoongi murmurs, tongue almost salivating but not tempted at the urge to swipe across seokjin's bottom lip.
seokjin sighs light. "i can't spend the night."
"i know."
neither one of them says anything for a while, for an instant that lasts a little while longer, and yoongi takes the opportunity to barely pull himself closer, to connect them again. he likes to kiss him sow, making every single pulse of movement last an eternity, likes to stretch time out as far and wide as the sky.
seokjin takes a deep breath and a step back, letting his hand linger on the cuff of yoongi's shirt for short seconds that drag on. he sighs again. "i'll start the coffee."
yoongi smiles, almost tries not to but doesn't follow through with the attempt because hiding his happiness from seokjin is a useless endeavor, an act in futility if there ever was one. he trails behind seokjin as the older enters the kitchen. he watches him take down two mugs, the canister of blonde roast they run through too often, and he feels light. the way seokjin floats around the area, barely paying attention to what he's doing, knowing the area better than anyone else, makes everything feel like it's in its right place.
yoongi's started to forget what the weight felt like.
"oh," seokjin starts. "i already packed the kids' lunches so you don't have to worry about it. please remember to take lots of pictures for me, please," seokjin was troubled when he found out his schedule would have him going in to work much earlier, so early that he would miss the first day of first grade. it took many promises and massages on yoongi's part to get him to come close to relaxing. but missing precious moments was still a big wound. "i packed their bags, they're both in the coat closet. everything from the school supply list is there. let them know--"
"i love you."
seokjin turns around, freezing for a moment and eyeing yoongi in a deep daze. surprise seems stuck on his face for a few moments before he, very suddenly, breaks out into a smile. he turns quick to start the coffee machine before turning back, taking a few quick strides, and pressing a kiss to yoongi's forehead. if yoongi had been told that this was going to become his life, that he'd end up falling in love with a guy, that he had any love left in him at all, he'd ask how much was had to drink.
he smiles even more when seokjin pulls back and sits down in the opposite chair. "are you sure?"
since the start of the summer, everything yoongi knew had begun to change in subtle variations. he started to feel less like he was caught in a well, trying to claw his way out and more like he was, totally against physics, lying on a cloud. even taehyung took notice, one day saying that he liked seeing him smile so much, that he wasn't as tired. and knowing that his happiness made his son happier made happiness feel like something he needed.
"yeah," he nods. "it's your fault."
they catch each other's hands and circle milky ways in each other's palms. seokjin doesn't have to say it back. even though they had only been having whatever this was for a few months, when seokjin fell, he fell hard. "...do you want to tell them now?"
the thing was yoongi could feel like everything was okay as long as he didn't start thinking about what he was doing. how he was running around in secret. behind taehyung's back, behind jimin's back, behind everyone. how he was essentially lying. that's when the rose-tinted glasses slipped off and the gray bled in.
he looked up at seokjin with apologies reflecting in every surface of his expression, tongue saturated with thick 'i'm sorry's'. "not yet."
"it's okay."
this is a conversation they would have for many years to come. they would dance between being weightless, careless and being weighed down by the realization that they were living a lie. the realization that they were lying to their kids would bog them down like quicksand. in the expanse of that time there would be plenty of things to laugh about, to kiss about, to roll around in bed after dark about, but there were also things to argue about, to ignore each other about, and to be left alone to deal with those fighting pains in secret about.
the worst fight was when the kids turned eight and jimin was having troubles in school. seokjin would notice the troubles immediately and would try to help as any parent would. everything would turn out alright for jimin but seokjin would unintentionally blame himself for it. he wouldn't directly say if it wasn't for you, if i wasn't so distracted by you, i would have noticed earlier. but it would be a heavy implication that hung between them for too long before they decided they were in far too deep to back out now.
but at that very moment, seokjin would just quietly kiss him again and whisper that, yes, he loves him too.
"daddy?"
"yeah?"
it's quiet for a while and yoongi finally looks up from his computer, away from his sales report, and leans his ear out toward the door of his office.
"taehyung?"
when there's no response, yoongi pushes up from his desk and walks briskly to the living room which is where he'd left taehyung. as much as things have changed in the past few months, the thing that will never change is how quickly he panics over very simple things. there are three other rooms in the house aside from the office and taehyung could very well be in the other three and he knows this. but the panic still happens.
"i'm breaking," taehyung says, his voice echoing out to the hallway from the bathroom. yoongi follows and when he enters, sees taehyung on his step stool leaning in close to his own reflection and tugging his index finger at his front tooth.
yoongi comes in and kneels beside taehyung, turning the child to face him and lifting his chin gently. "you can't break on me, tae, who's gonna drink banana milk with me if you break, huh?"
taehyung opens his mouth a little wider and pushes his tongue against the front tooth, making it wiggle very slightly. "see? it's gonna fall."
yoongi watches taehyung push at his loose tooth again completely awed at the sight of it. there were things in this life, his grandfather used to tell him, that made you want to cry and smile. things that would make you feel incredibly sad but ecstatic at the same time. it was one of the many oddities of life. and this was his oddity. seeing his son growing up is and always will be the oddity.
"you're not falling apart," yoongi smiles. "you're getting grown up teeth."
"grown up teeth? your teeth are different to mine?"
yoongi opens his mouth, bares his teeth and taehyung leans forward to peek inside. "see? they're just bigger."
"what's wrong with my teeth though?"
"well," yoongi exhales and settles onto his knees, leaning against the cabinet beneath the sink. taehyung takes that as a cue to step down from his stool, sit on it, and lean against the cabinet as well. "you need bigger teeth as you get bigger."
"so i can eat bigger food?"
yoongi chuckles and strokes his thumb across taehyung's cheek for a short moment. "something like that, yes."
"is there a big tooth under this one?"
"not just yet. what's gonna happen is that this tooth is going to fall out just like you said. then all your teeth will fall out. and it'll kind of be like it was when you were a baby and you didn't have any teeth at all."
taehyung gapes, eyebrows shooting up in disbelief. "i won't have any teeth?"
"you'll have a few. and then they'll all grow back. and you wanna know what you have to do when the first one falls out?"
"what?"
yoongi leans even closer like he's sharing a secret. "first, you have to put the tooth under your pillow. then, you go to sleep. and while you're sleeping, the tooth fairy comes and she takes your tooth and leaves a gift under your pillow instead."
taehyung covers his mouth. not in surprise. it's an attempt at protecting the tooth that has yet to fall out. "why does she want my tooth? i want it."
"you don't want a gift?" yoongi sincerely hopes that the wobbling of his own lips isn't obvious. it's always hard to hold back laughter of adoration when it comes to things taehyung says.
taehyung shakes his head. "i don't need the tooth fairy for presents. i have uncle hobi."
✨
"taehyung!"
"dad!"
"jimin!"
yoongi almost curses at that dirty cleats sitting in the dining room chair, decking the seat out with dried mud and dead grass. instead, he continues his given duty of packing all the sandwiches and gatorade that seokjin prepared for the entire soccer team. "jimin, no cleats in the kitchen!"
he thinks he hears the two tweens gasp in harmony in some other part of the apartment. 'how'd he know they were mine?' or some variation thereof. it's not exactly like it's hard to tell the difference between jimin's cleats and taehyung's cleats. jimin was the rising star of the team, always given notes of exceeding expectation and being a star player whose team effort never went unnoticed. jimin was the one who went to practice religiously and won the team two games in the past. taehyung, on the other hand, rarely ever left the bench. which meant his cleats were almost always clean.
it was a problem that yoongi and hayeon discussed often. on one hand, they didn't want to discourage him from participating and from growing as a person. but on the other hand, neither of them was particularly fond of the idea of taehyung growing more and more discouraged with every game he didn't participate in because he was, simply, terrible at soccer. and that wasn't even a mean statement, not something that someone as ignorant as yoongi is in the subject of soccer would be privy to say as an alternative to admitting not understanding the game. quite the contrary, when taehyung first came home and told him that he tried out for and joined the soccer team, he did everything to learn all about the sport.
and taehyung, his precious son taehyung, was awful. it had become a long debate between himself and everyone else whether or not they should tell him. or whether they should let the continuous disappointment build up into something else.
"sorry, sir!"
yoongi bites his tongue at the name jimin has taken to using for him. at twelve years old, jimin went from calling yoongi mr. min to sir min to simply "sir" and as much as yoongi dislikes being called "sir", he's hoping there's something even more casual down the line.
("jimin, you know you can call me uncle, right?"
"okay, sir.")
he can hear hayeon fussing with the laundry machine, hear her sigh heavily. "sweetheart, that's jimin's jersey."
"i can't find mine," taehyung says and yoongi can almost see him shrug desperately. it's not a selfish decision because jimin has two jerseys and the two of them have shaken to sharing everything but their toothbrushes anyway. but it makes yoongi laugh as he rushes to pack all of the sandwiches and it makes hayeon chuckle and snort. "no one's gonna notice."
"it's too small and it says 'kim' on the back. unless you've had a name change, i think people might notice."
"it's not too small that it's tight and 'kim' is okay because everyone knows that we're twins."
at that, yoongi actually, very nearly laughs out loud because the first time taehyung said that, he was certain that it was a mindset that would no doubt change with age. but they still managed to hold on to the truth they created and yoongi was more impressed than disappointed. things got tough for them but not as tough as they could have been had seokjin not been given the steady sales position all those years ago. but even in the face of tough times, in the face of disillusionment, the two of them managed to hold on to something good and something real.
seokjin came in right before they departed, with taehyung's newly hemmed jersey and a congratulatory ice cream cake that he quickly hid from sight (he and everyone else was to confident that they'd win the game tonight). seokjin had been keeping up with every single game, learning the ins and outs of soccer before hand, getting riled up with referees like a true sports father.
now, at the game, everyone holds their breath as taehyung is called up from the bench to join in the game. yoongi shoots an accusing look in hoseok's direction who holds his hands up in defense. "i didn't do anything! i kindly suggested the coach put him in every now and then, that's all."
seokjin starts to grip yoongi's hand, mind nowhere near the need for discretion as taehyung walks onto the field. it's a reaction that yoongi knows is from sheer pride. everyone wanted this simply because they knew how much taehyung wanted it and that was reason enough. hoseok would go with him and jimin on weekends when they wanted to practice, hayeon would run drills with them in the park, and seokjin ran with the two of them nearly every morning. it had become a family event.
even though the most participation yoongi did was driving them to and from practice, buying gear, and packing lunches. he saved the running for everyone else.
jimin patted taehyung on the back and whispered something in his ear which yielded a broad smile from the younger before they got into formation. the ball dropped, they started playing, and it was...undoubtedly taehyung.
he tripped a couple of times, struggled to run and kick the ball simultaneously, completely fell off the field at one point. the referee called him out several times, once for getting confused and fumbling with the ball -- with his hands. and each time, the ref blew his whistle, it was like a pavlov bell which got the same reaction every time: all four of them jumping up and shouting in defiance. and while seokjin and yoongi did yell, they couldn't hold a candle to the vehemence of hayeon and hoseok.
"i could ref this game better if i had my eyes closed, what are you doing?"
"that's not a foul, that's not a foul!"
and other semi-obsenities that they managed to censor. the game ended with taehyung only playing for a few minutes and quickly being sent back on the bench. but even when he was walking back, yoongi noticed he wasn't dragging his feet, that he wasn't frowning, that his shoulders weren't slumped at all. he was beaming.
taehyung hisses when yoongi presses the wipe to the fresh cut above his forehead. truthfully, yoongi wants to put on his own pair of cleats and kick whoever it was that was responsible but he always puts his mask back up.
"sorry," yoongi whispers. "rough game today."
a smile fades onto taehyung's face, brightening him up again, lighting his features and the small space of their bathroom like a christmas tree. there are things yoongi tires of but seeing taehyung smile will never be one of them. "it was fun."
yoongi hums as he puts on the cream, before opening the latest bandaid out of his first aid kit. "tae...i...i'm not really sure how i want to say this but please know that i'm not trying to hurt you, okay?"
"dad," taehyung smiles at him like he knows. even with the bandaid barely on his eyebrow and a bleeding split in his lip still left to tend to, he manages to look genuinely happy. and peaceful. "i know i can't play."
"you do?"
taehyung nods.
"but you're..."
"really bad," taehyung nods again. "i know. but i like playing. the other kids, they don't always talk to jimin but they talk to me. and jimin really likes playing soccer."
"and that means?"
taehyung shrugs. "...i want him to enjoy it. plus he doesn't like anime club as much as i do so i have to hang out with him somewhere."
they both laugh and yoongi playfully pushes at his hair. "seven days a week, 24 hours a day isn't enough?"
"dad, twins are attached at the hip."
the two of them, always being in synch with each other, in better synch than anyone else they knew smile like they're sharing a secret. yoongi rubs a thumb over the bandaid and starts to tend to taehyung's lip. if taehyung asked him whether he thought he should continue playing sports, yoongi would tell him to do whatever makes him happy as usual. but yoongi would be telling a bald faced lie if he said it wouldn't thrill him for taehyung to walk away from the sports. the cuts and the bruises and the broken arm from the summer before are all too much to handle.
"can i confess something too?"
"confess?" the word alone makes yoongi's ears perk up. he knows taehyung means something else but he can't help but get an image of his son trying to get flowers into some unsuspecting kid's locker. jesus, he's really not ready for that. oh god, he's going to have to give him the talk soon. "do you like someone at school or...?"
taehyung hums a short note of confusion and semi-dissatisfaction. "um, no. i don't think so."
yoongi inhales deeply to avoid releasing the relieved sigh that makes the set of shoulders become significantly less rigid. "oh. go on then, i won't interrupt."
the light in taehyung's eyes don't fade but they dim, the discomfort of saying whatever is on his mind palling his disposition. yoongi almost pauses out of concern, out of worry because this must be something more serious than he realized. taehyung tucks in the side of his bottom lip in between his teeth and worries it for a good minute, forehead creased as he falls deep in thought.
"...remember on career day? when you told me not to worry too much about what i wanted to study when i get to university?"
"yeah."
"...remember how you said it's more important to be happy like -- something about my happiness being more important than something that would make someone else happy?"
"as far as you worrying about becoming what others what you to become," yoongi nods. "yeah, i remember. why?"
then taehyung quiets down again, looks down at his hands, and for second he looks immensely upset. like he could very well start crying if he walks a few steps closer to the edge. yoongi pauses, setting the first aid kit down and laying his palms flat over taehyung's shoulders.
"hey, hey, you okay? c'mon, talk to me, did something happen?"
taehyung shakes his head. "i just...i just think you should take your own advice."
yoongi blinks. then he smiles. then he furrows his brow and laughs a little. "excuse me?"
"...dad," taehyung stops short and sighs looking uncomfortable but not really. like he doesn't want to say what he's saying but voicing each word is making him feel more relieved. "jimin and i know about you and uncle jin."
kind of like those rides at the amusement parks where you're suspended from a 100 foot drop unexpectedly, his heart pitfalls and his voice, his breath, his everything catches in his throat. he can feel the nerves started to bleed through him, the anxiety and the fear replacing the blood in his veins and rushing out fast. this is what he'd feared. apologies are crawling out of him before anything else but taehyung looks at him oddly, puts his hands over both his cheeks and leans close.
"i don't want you to be sorry," he says, shaking his head again in disbelief and semi hurt. like he couldn't believe that his own father would think that he would be ashamed of him. "you wanna know what i wish for every birthday? for you to be happy. for years, that's all i wished for."
"i am happy."
taehyung nods. "you are now, yeah. but...i'm saying i don't want you to feel like you have to lie. like, dad...you don't have to be ashamed of what makes you happy."
despite the thickness in his throat, yoongi smiles something small and looks down. "how long have you known?"
"not sure, it kind of feels like we've always known. when we were five years old and we made you guys say grace...you didn't think that was weird?"
"i knew something was up with you that night, i just -- were you guys parent trapping us?"
taehyung laughs and shakes his head. the mood has lightened enough for yoongi to feel comfortable proceeding to tend to his son's wounds. "not at all. we just wanted you two to be best friends at first. so that we could be best friends. but i think we kind of wanted you guys to be more than that. so we could really be brothers but, truthfully, by the time we thought that, you two were already..."
"and you two were okay with that?"
"okay with it? dad, we were excited about it. we ran through school the next day telling everyone we were really related. but it's not about what we think. it's about you feeling safe and stuff, i dunno."
taehyung's hands are back on his face, fingers dancing across his eyebrow.
"i'm not little anymore."
i beg to differ, yoongi thinks.
"and even if i was, i'm always going to be your son. and i don't see myself judging you for that kind of thing any time soon."
yoongi takes a deep breath and pulls taehyung closer, plants what used to be common kiss on his forehead and brushes his hair back. "thank you."
taehyung hugs him tight. "i'll definitely judge you for the cooking though."