Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Hmm, I need a break. What should I write about… hmmmm.

Ah, I Know!

K-I-R-B-Y!!!

Chapter 1
The Comet
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It may be played out but I’ll say it here…

To the ancient fools who say “War, War Never Changes,” or something to that degree, have clearly never set foot in a 20th-century battlefield. Throughout my second life, the only constants about war were blood, sweat, death, and me constantly being the guinea pig for something new and untested.

For I, Major Tanya Von Deggurechaff, am in charge of making something new, something deadly. Thanks to my ideas and constant pressure from the brass, I believe we’ve achieved in that task. Because if we share anything, it’s our shared view on the importance of aerial mages in the future of combat.

But…

This pressure that makes them strong, also makes them lacking in true battle experience. I only said a month because I needed Zettour’s approval, not because I actually thought some basic spartan training in the Alps would turn those rookies into true aces.

No, it would take longer, much longer. Six months at least, maybe even longer if they didn't adapt well to Schugel’s Elenium Type 97. Ugh, just mentally replaying Rerugen’s orders gave her a migraine, instinctively causing her to reach for her brew on the table. 

“It certainly is interesting,” I mused, delicately turning to face the map on the office wall. “The Entente Alliance, The Republic, and now the Dukedom of Dacia want to tear us down. A three front war certainly is troublesome. ” 

I used my other hand to pick up the report, examining the date again. “September 24th,” I muttered out loud, feeling a smile inch up my face. “Well, what do you know…”

“It’ll be on my birthday.”

Five Days Later
Garrison 5 Of The Imperial Southeastern Theater

“ATTENTION!!” barked First Lieutenant Weiss, “Our commander has an important message for us all!” saluted the 2nd Company Commander, taking a long step back as I took the stage.

“Alright maggots!” I loudly projected, “It’s time to prove your worth! Today we go to war and after everything you’ve been through I expect this to be a piece of cake! Why cake you may ask? Why it’s because today is my birthday and it seems the Dukedom of Dacia must’ve known this because they’ve sent me a wonderful present! They're basically throwing me a surprise party, and the people on the guest lists are going to be your targets,” I announce with an ever growing smile.

“And I am grateful to the empire for giving us all the freedom of choice. The choice to either shoot them or destroy them with spells, whichever you need to improve upon. Intelligence says we have total air superiority so I expect this to be an enemy bloodbath, yet unlike you’re training, they’ll attempt to shoot back. But, it’s not like any of you are actually stupid enough to be hit.”

I lower the rim of my hat slightly before concluding, “Now then, that’s enough talk, we take off in ten soldiers. And when we do, it’ll be our time to hunt. Understood!”

“YES MA’AM!!” roared my troops, giving me a crisp salute as they scattered to collect their gear.

“Major!” I turn to my right and see Vischa giving me that gleeful smile. “I didn't know it was your birthday!”

I frown slightly. “It’s merely the one on paper, I don’t actually know my birthday Visha,” I say bluntly as I watch her smile falter.

“Well at the very least Major, I wish I would’ve known. I could’ve at least bought some chocolates for after the battle.”

I sigh, “While that would be a great gift, the brass has already given me a gift that would please me more than chocolate…”

“Which is…?” muttered Visha with a nervous sweat.

“Target Practice,” I say with a genuine grin.

Dacia Territory Hours Later

I stood in the center of it all, Visha by my side as my men scurried around the enemy camp, plundering, capturing, and boobytrapping the entirety of the Dacian camp. She knew it would be easy, but still…

“It mystifies me that they had the gall to invade us without provocation ,” mused the small Major, watching her men throw the enemy bodies in a heap, “ And do it with no understanding of the ways of modern war. I guess birthday wishes do come true ,” I scoffed into my hand. 

“But, how much further could I push them… ” I pondered. I saw one of my soldiers run out of the communication tent with his hands full. “Soldier!” I yelled at him with a pointed finger.

He froze for a moment before his training kicked in, dropping some of the papers as he stood at attention, his arm giving off a clean salute. “Yes, Major?”

“Sigh, At ease soldier. Do you happen to have a map of Dacia on hand?” I asked cooly, receiving a curt nod. “Well then bring it here,” I beckoned him as the soldier ran over to us with the open map of the enemy nation.

I bid him off as me and Visha pinpointed where we were. When we did, a glorious idea popped into Tanya’s mind. “Weiss!” I shouted in no particular direction.

It took only a few moments for the First Lieutenant to stand before her, hitting a clean salute. “Yes Ma’am?”

“Have you heard word of our imperial back up yet?”

“Ma’am, the 7th Air Fleet is said to arrive shortly. As soon as they’ve reloaded their bombs, they’ll launch a full scale assault on the enemy.”

I gave a pleased nod to this. “Excellent. If that’s the case we’ll begin our advance once you regroup the rest of our battalion.”

He gave a nod to her. “It shall be done Ma’am. If I may, where exactly are we going?”

I couldn't help but feel a cheshire grin creep onto my face. “Why, their capital of course,” I replied gleefully, hearing Visha gasp by my side.

It also seemed to have caught Weiss off guard as well as he blinked a few times at that. “T-the Dacia capital?”

“That’s right Lieutenant. Their capital is only a mere sixty kilometers so why should we stop? The Empire could always use some more land, and after this mess, I’m wondering how far we can go with this advance.”

“Of course Ma’am. I will begin regrouping right away,” replied the Company Commander, saluting me before he ran to complete his task.

Midnight
The Capital Of Dacia

“Me?” I ask, feeling the chilly night air whip through my hair. I look at my battalion as we hover several hundreds of meters in the air overlooking the defenseless ancient capital city of Dacia. They're all looking at me expectantly and I can begrudgingly tell what they want me to do.

“Sigh, You’ve got a point. Maybe I should be the one to do it. Receiver,” I motion to the communications specialist as he hands me the receiver to speak into the open channel. “ My battalion better not spread the details of what’s about to happen …” 

“Attention please!” I announce in my natural voice. “In accordance to international law, it’s my job to inform you that you’re about to come under attack. Consider this your grown up warning,” I feel my ears start to grow hot, knowing in my gut they're all getting a real good laugh out of this.

“This is your only warning, the imperial army is about to attack your weapons facility. Evacuate the building!” I say, turning off the channel and shoving the receiver back into the specialist's chest.

“This is amazing Major. Your childish voice has them all thinking this is just a prank,” says Visha in awe, looking through the binoculars and seeing no one leaving the factory. 

I glared at her.

“What a believable performance. I didn't know you had acting lessons Ma’am,” says Weiss in equal awe.

I glared at him next.

I glare at my whole damned battalion as they shy away from me.

“Listen up troops, we’ve fulfilled our part under international law. Humph, It’s not our fault they didn't listen,” I grin as I look down at them all.

“All companies! Match your firepower to the Major’s,” barked Weiss as they all followed the order.

I feel my computation jewel shine a brilliant yellow as I begrudgingly pray to Being X. “Lord, I call upon your aid. Bring down your wrath down upon all those who aim to harm us.” I aim my rifle, “Show them how terrible god’s miraculous power is.”

The tips of all our rifles glow with power. “OPEN FIRE!!” I shout as we all fire an overwhelming volley down upon the earth. Streaks of green and yellow hit the factory squarely, causing an explosion to go off not once, but twice as the secondary explosions send out a shockwave that even we can feel from the heavens.

I smile as my battalion cheers, all of us admiring the fire and the billowing collum of smoke streaming out from the building's corpse. It was a great birthday, possibly the best I’ve had in both of my lives. I couldn't imagine it being any better…

 “Look, up in the sky!” shouted Neumann, pointing up above them. I tilt my head in confusion before I, no, all of us look to the sky.

“Well, what do you know…” I mutter.

“It’s a comet, no, a shooting star!” exclaimed Visha.

It really was a shooting star. It was the first time I’d ever lay eyes on one. It flew high in the atmosphere, giving off a faint pink glow that left a red tail streaking behind it. I couldn't help but leave my mouth open. It was truly beautiful, so beautiful I wished this war took place in the twenty-first century instead so I could take a picture of it.

I felt a warm touch on my jacket sleeve and looked to my left to see Visha so very close to me. “Major… would you like to make a wish.”

I couldn't help but blink a few times. “Wish?”

“Of course Ma’am, it’s tradition to make a wish on a shooting star,” chimed in Weiss.

“Really… hmm,” I hummed to myself as I gazed up at the pink comet. “You can have my wish.”

“Nope.”
“Of course not.”
“That’d be rude,” and many more comments rang out behind me. I turn back, looking at them as they all smiled at me.

“Please, it wouldn't be-”

“Sorry Major, I can’t take your wish away,“ said Glanz.

“I’m not taking a wish away from a lady, even if you kill me over it,” joked Neumann.

Koenig just shrugged while nodding his head, same with the First Lieutenant as well.

I looked at them all more than surprised before finally turning to Visha, still close by me. She was so close that I could clearly see her breath in the air. “It’s your birthday Major, you have more of a right than any of us. So… go ahead…” she said lightly.

I looked at Visha, seeing the sincerity in her eyes. I move my gaze back up to the sky, the pink glow seemingly growing brighter as if to beckon me. “My wish… I don’t even know what it could be at this point. If this was earlier on in my life I would’ve wished to have my old life back, my old comforts. But now… ” I think back to training the 203rd and smiling at how far they’ve come.

“I think I’d wish for something else, but what… ” my mind was blank with ideas until a memory played. The one of the morning of the test day for the new computation jewel she now possessed. I grasped it through my thick jacket, realizing what I wanted. “Heh, I know what I want now. My wish… ”

“Is to truly be rid of you, Being X,” I mentally wish, closing my eyes to hopefully will it be.

“Major!” yelled Visha, pulling away whilst sounding alarmed. I opened my eyes and saw something I almost couldn’t believe.

“Vischa, how close is the comet!?” I order out, seeing it closer than it was just a few seconds ago.

Visha hurriedly puts her eyes onto the binoculars. “Less than 1,000 meters above us! It’s tiny but it’s approaching fast! Now 500 above us!” she shouts.

“Everybody shields up now!!” I order, almost feeling silly as everyone already had their shields up to their maximum magical output. I put mine up as well as well, staring at the comet right in front of us. It let off a shockwave as it whizzed past our elevation, crashing right into the fire and smoke of the destroyed weapons factory causing a third explosion to sound off.

Yet, it was a much smaller explosion than the second and maybe even the first one. “Everyone lower their shields!” I order cautiously. It didn't make sense how something so high up going that fast could make such a small explosion. I turn back to her, “Visha, were you able to determine how large the comet was before it crashed?” I ask with a raised brow.

She was still looking at the spot where it crashed, not seeming to hear her. “Vischa?” I repeated.

“Oh! Sorry Major!” she yelped, snapping out of her daze. “Well… it only seemed to be a couple of feet long at most.”

“Really?” I say confused, quickly doing the math in my head. “Even if it was only two feet by two feet, if it made it this far down it should’ve at least been comparable to the second explosion. ”

“Nobody move unless fired upon, I’m going down into the wreckage to see what I can find,” I say as I begin my descent. I hear a few protests, but I’m already in the billowing smoke and soon the building proper before any of them could physically stop me.

I landed down on the debris of metal and burnt wood, my rifle at the ready in case any Dachians somehow survived the triple explosions and chose to surprise me. I begin to scan the area, seeing nothing but more smoke, debris, fire, and corpses on the ground. I kept going, squinting my eyes to try and block out the smoke and heat from entering my eyes. 

After scouting the area for a few more minutes, I almost left when I saw something sticking out of a pile of rubble. I approach it, rifle still at ready as I soon stand over the pile. It looked to be a laceless shoe of some kind, its color red. I tentatively reached out to touch it, feeling not coarse leather, but something soft like silky smooth skin.

Before I could be confused, I heard shouting off down the end of the ruined assembly line, seeing dark silhouettes lit up by the flames. “This is the Dacian Fire Patrol! Are there any survivors!” shouted a firm, yet desperate voice.

“Crap,” I cursed, holstering my rifle as I got a better grip on the object. “You're coming with me meteorite,” I mutter, yanking the surprisingly light object out of the rubble and held it in my arms. I don’t even look down as I watch the figures get closer. Before they could see me, I took off out of the exposed roof, coughing as the cold clear air stung my lungs.

Thankfully, my battalion was still standing by, and even more thankfully hadn't been fired upon. “Cough, Cough. Alright, I’m back,” I wheezed out as I stayed at the same altitude as my Battalion, with them looking grateful that I came back. “I managed to find the meteorite, let’s take it back with us and return our asses back to our garrison for the night.”

“Yes of course Major,” said a thankful Visha, looking from me to the meteorite cradled in my arms. “I didn't expect it to be so- OH GOD!!” she screamed, aiming her rifle at my arms along with many more in the battalion.

I look at them all with wide eyes, being so surprised that words failed me for a moment. “Ma’am, that thing in your arms! It’s twitching!” shouted Weiss looking terrified as he too had his rifle trained on the thing in my arms.

“T-twitching?” I sputter out, my heart pounding out of my chest as I look down at what I brought up from the hellfire. 

It was round, its body entirely pink besides the soot covered on its body. It was also small, being even smaller than her, probably only being half her size. Its eyes were struggling to stay open as it stared at me.

I sneered at it, but it still gave a weak smile back to me. “~K-k-konnichiwa,” it introduced weakly before passing out in my arms, its eyes going into comical spirals.

“H-hi??” I ask out loud, completely in shock as I automatically translated the foreign word yet familiar word.

“M-major, you understood that thing?” asked the terrified Vischa, shaking with fear as her rifle was still trained on the thing.

My brain struggled to find something to say. “We, let’s. Ugh, I can’t think like this! Lower your goddamn weapons!!” I yelled, frustrated at all this madness as they obeyed the command. “I don’t know what's going on, but let's head back to camp so we can all get some rest. We’ve all been up for almost a full day and none of us are thinking as well,” she began, getting some nods from her Battalion.

“I know at least before I nod off, I’ll be informing the brass about everything, including our… visitor. And no one else is allowed to let even a single syllable out about what happened tonight. Is that understood!?”

“YES MA’AM!!” saluted her men.

I nodded. “Someone give me a damn jacket to cover this thing.”

“Here,” said Vischa, holstering her rifle to take off her jacket. She helped Tanya cover the weird alien as best as she could. Once it was done, they took off into the night, leaving the wreckage of the factory behind.

Little did they all know that this day would go down in not just their history, but the history of the world. For on this day: September 24th, 1924. The Empire’s Imperial 203rd Aerial Mage Battalion… encountered a warrior from beyond the stars.

Author’s Note

Hold On Before You Leave! I Am Not Your Enemy.

I am simply your average run-of-the-mill writer.

If you like this tale and would like to see more, make sure Bookmark, Kudos, and Comment.

We writers are but simple creatures, and these actions provide us with what little nourishment we need in order to survive.

That…and uh, coffee. :)

Editing Number: 8/14/2024-8/14/2024

Chapter Text

Wow, that first chapter certainly did better than I ever thought it would.

Thank you to everyone who's enjoying it so far. I'll be making more chapters whenever I can.

After all, I wouldn't want to leave any of you-

Chapter 2
In The Dark

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The Capital Of The Empire: Berun
Zettour Manor

I mumble in my sleep, moving unconsciously to hold my husband close. I start to stir awake as my hands pat the air, with no one on the other side. "What in blazes?" I mumbled in confusion, rolling over to reach out for my nightstand and pull the chain to turn on my lamp. The sudden burst of light stung my eyes, but after wearily rubbing my eyes, I could see what I had assumed. My husband was gone.

I furrowed my brow in mild frustration. "He just came back from two straight days in the office and he does this." I sit up from my covers and take a look out the window and then my alarm clock. "Why would he leave for work at 1:30 in the morning? Could they have called him out because of an emergency?" I ponder nervously.

I pull myself out of bed, reaching out to our coat rack to grab my nightgown. I wrap myself up along with slipping on my slippers. Now decent, I shamble my way to the door, being more emboldened as I hear a distant voice on the other side. I leave the bedroom and keep my pace down the hall, soon arriving at the grand staircase. "It most certainly is Hans. He must be making a phone call in his office," I think to myself, holding onto the polished railing as I go down the steps.

Once I'm down the stairs I go right for his office, being curious as to why he left his door open. I glanced inside and saw my husband not even in his tailored uniform, still in his mint green pajamas, running his fingers through his silver hair as his baby blue night cap lay discarded on the floor. His back was turned to the door as he hunched over on the small table that held their landline. I was about to interrupt him, but something about his conversation and tone made me want to listen in on it instead.

"I see, I congratulate you on the campaign in Dacia. But, I apologize if it seems like I'm brushing off your achievements, but why are you calling me at this hour? And why my personal number instead of my office?" asked Hans followed by a long silence.

I jumped as my husband slammed his hand on the table. "What? Are you positive!?" questioned my husband, seeming frightened by whatever was being said on the other line. Another long pause happened before he spoke again. "No, no you did the right thing Major. Listen carefully, I need you and your battalion to stay awake a little while longer… Yes, I know how long they've been operating, but after this phone call is over I will personally call the conductor at your closest station. I'll tell him to board you on the nicest train they have and with any luck, it will get you and your battalion on the train back to the capital within the hour. I'm sure everyone there would appreciate a soft bed to sleep in after what they saw."

"Now is there anything I need to know before I start waking the whole war room?" he uttered tensely, the room once again going silent. "He speaks what?" spoke Hans utterly baffled as he walked a short way to the globe. He gave it a spin, going to what seemed like the other side of the world. "Akitsushieen? That certainly is odd. How were you able to confirm that?" It was a short pause before I saw him nod. "Ah, I see. While that idea of yours was not fruitful, the Empire thanks you for learning that language. I'm sure you're the only one who'd know such an obscure language."

"If that's all I'll make the call to the conductor and his crew now, I don't care if you have to make them fly, I want you all there as soon as possible. Is that understood?" he ordered, standing upright from his hunch to throw out a salute. "For the Fatherland," he barked, before quickly sighing as he hung up the line. I saw his hand rise up to his face and mutter, "Of all times for this-" he began to say until I accidentally bumped into the door, causing its hinges to creek open.

He jumped at the noise, turning back to look at me, his eyes sunken from the lack of sleep. "Gretel!" he yelled marching towards me as I walked backwards away from him. "How much of that did you hear!? Tell me now!" he roared, now close enough to where I could smell the stench of cigars through his gritted teeth. I kept stepping back until my back was pressed against the hallway wall, with my husband of well over thirty–five years looking at me with a look that sent shivers down my very bones. He looked haunted.

"I-i only heard a minute or two," answered, cowering away from him with my eyes squeezed shut. "Please Hans! I didn't mean to listen in on your work call! Promise!"

"Gretel… look at me. Look into my eyes and tell me the truth, and nothing but the truth," he said in a shaky voice. I looked up to him seeing his face covered in shadows, the little light shining on it being reflected by the sweat matting his face. "Please tell me… did you hear the other voice?"

"No! Only you Hans!" I answered immediately, "I beg you, please tell me what's wrong. I know you can't tell me everything because of your work, but at least tell me how you're feeling. You look unwell," I plead with him, reaching out to touch his face. He doesn't pull away as I place my hand upon his cheek, feeling his warmth along with the dampness of his skin. I felt his heart beating and it had to have been beating faster than normal, he couldn't stop shaking.

He opened his mouth, as if wanting to indulge in letting it all out, but instead… "I can't, I can't even tell you that Gretal, I'm sorry," he said slowly, straightening his posture as he turned to walk back into his office. "Since you're up already, can you iron my uniform for me?" he asked, turning his head slightly to eye my still shaken form. "Once you are done, knock before entering. I will most likely still be making calls by then," he finished as he stood in the doorway of his office.

He turned around fully to face me one last time, the office light casting a shadow on him that hid me in his shade. And finally, without saying a word, my husband closed the door on me, leaving me both figuratively and literally-

In The Dark

Editing Number: 8/16/2024-8/16/2024

Chapter Text

Since I posted chapter two, I've gotten back into exercise videos. I’m talking like those old 80’s VHS tape rips that get posted on YouTube.

They're overall really great videos, but I just try not to think about how they're all probably either dead or old people raisins…

Chapter 3
Every Trolly Talks

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As the general's wife was left in the dark, your view transitions into a black cloud of billowing smoke. Not one of a factory aflame, but one supported by a glossy red steam engine billowing its fumes out its main funnel. It chugs along down its set path, letting its whistle sound off as the sun continued its climb into the sky.

Moving inside one of the train’s many cabins and roomettes, two seemingly adorable individuals are resting soundly in their cots. That was up until the engine turned round the track, causing the eastern sun to cast its light down upon the former salary man.

I brush my hand over my eyes to stop the annoying light. Yet it was too late, that annoying celestial body had already woke me up from my pleasant dream. I feel even more irritated that my comfy bed was being ruined by the slight bumps and clocklike chugging the steam train gave off. “Oh how I miss you first class commercial flights,” I bemoaned to myself as I sat up against the back of the bed frame.

I felt the urge to yawn and rub the gunk out of my eyes, and after doing so, I was able to look down and see Weiss and Koenig on the floor. Both of them were sitting cross legged on the carpeted walkway playing cards. I squinted, pouring a tiny bit of mana into my eyes to help adjust them. “Hm, it seems like they're playing Imperial Whist. At least, judging by the hands they were playing,” I think to myself, recalling how my classmates back in war college played it behind our professor’s back. 

“Ahem,” I cough out to get their attention. They seemed startled by the small noise, tensing up before just as quickly relaxing as they saw it was me making the noise. They both looked tired as they gave me an oddly quiet salute. “Morning Major,” they whispered wearily. I gave them a weird look until I remembered who else was in the room.

I slowly turned my gaze up to the bed on the other side of the two person room. The creature was right where I put it last night, sleeping belly up with a gray blanket covering half of its pink skin. If it wasn't for its stomach moving up and down along with the sound of it slightly snoring I’d probably think it was dead. Especially with the soot from hours earlier still marking its face. 

“Ah, that’s why,” I mumble to myself, pushing my legs off the edge of the bed as I look back at my men. “I should thank you four for offering to keep guard of it while I slept,” I thanked, narrowing my eyes as I realized that Visha and Neumman were nowhere to be seen. “Where are those two anyways? Did they go off and find a better room?”

“No Major, they just decided to go get breakfast from the dining car and bring some back here for the rest of us. Couldn't exactly leave anyways with you still sound asleep,” said Koenig, mumbling out that last part.

Normally I would have scolded the commander for his complaining, but these were odd circumstances. “Plus, I can’t wait for Visha to come back with a fresh cup of coffee! I feel like I got hit by a truck,” I grumbled, quickly twisting my back before I got back to business.

“Oh also, were there any strange observations involved with your watches? Obviously nothing overly lethal, but even the smallest things we can learn about this thing would help,” I asked inquisitively. 

“Well I can’t say much for myself,” began Koenig, “I was the second one to keep watch and it just slept like a baby while I kept an eye on it. But…” he concluded, stealing a glance at the slumbering alien. 

“But…?” I asked confused, turning to gaze at a nervous looking Weiss. “First Lieutenant, what are you two hiding?” I question, glaring at both of them.

“We-we’re not hiding anything ma’am, honest,” he said, waving his hands nervously. “It’s just… we never knew that you were that heavy of a sleeper.”

“Huh? What’s that supposed to mean??” I nearly shouted, but before I could keep clawing at them for an answer, the door slid open to reveal her two missing commanders.

“Good morning Major, “ greeted Visha, “I’ve brought you and everyone else coffee,” she said quietly, tip-toeing into the cramped room with a tray holding four cups of hot coffee.

“Good morning too Major. I would salute you, but I have a whole buffet on my hands,” joked Neumman as he walked inside after Visha, carrying an even larger metal platter full of bagels, eggs, and sausages. 

“Jeez man, they let you get all of that?” asked a baffled Koenig.

“Yeah, those girls behind the counter made more than enough food to easily feed the whole battalion. Looked pretty good while serving it too,” he said with a wink, setting the tray down on the carpet between the three men.

I made sure to keep a close eye on Visha as she gave her cups of ambrosia to Weiss and Koenig before finally sitting on the edge of the bed with me. “Here you go Major. I made it just how you liked it,” she smiled as she handed me my liquid lifeline.

“Thank you Visha, I appreciate it,” I thanked professionally, taking a long sip before giving off a relaxed sigh. “I guess I should be toasting this to you Being X. Thanks for sending her my way so I can enjoy her coffee as you ruin my life,” I think to myself, humbly reflecting on my life as I take another deep sip of the bean broth.

I watched in dismay as Weiss also drank the coffee handed to him, only to have the gall to be dissatisfied by the luxury of caffeine. “Ugh, Ma’am, how can you down a cup like that?” he asked in disgust, opening the lid to look inside. “It’s nearly black.”

“Well first lieutenant, if you don’t appreciate Visha’s work, I would be more than happy to take it off your hands,” I said nonchalantly as I beckoned his cup over with my free hand.

“Uhm, apologies for my rudeness Major, but I don’t think someone that young should be drinking more than a cup of coffee a day,” she pleaded worryingly.

I teasingly scowled at her. “Oh please, I’ll worry about the consequences later. What are you, my doctor?” I joked back to her, causing everyone in the room to laugh lightly, at least for a little while.

After that, very few words were said between us as we stuffed our faces with fresh meats and carbs. It seemed like everyone was glad the food was fresh instead of the bars and moldy gruels that we had as rations, because everyone pitched in to lick the food tray clean.

Once that was done, the five of us stayed quiet. Not out of lack of things to say, but simply the fact that we were all enjoying the smooth ride. That was until…

“So Neumann, since you were out in the dining cart, were you able to observe how the rest of the battalion was handling last night?” I asked while I was wiping my mouth with a handkerchief.

The stout man thought about it for a moment before hesitantly responding with, “Better than I hoped honestly. From what I heard this morning, everyone was mostly talking about how well Dacia went. Except well… except when coming up with theories that is.”

“Theories?” I asked, raising an inquisitive brow at my commander.

“Yeah, they came up with some wild ones like-”

“No. I want to hear yours Neumann,” I smirk, catching him off guard.

“Me?”

“Yes of course you,” I say smugly as I rest my chin on my open palm. “You can all speak freely here.”

“Well…” he took a glance at the thing, “I don’t know why it’d come here, but… if it spoke an earth language, it must’ve come here before right?”

“That’s nonsense, the major didn't even find any kind of ship,” noted Koenig.

“But-”

“Koenig’s right Neumman,” I said tersely, thinking back to the fiery ruins. “There wasn't any kind of ship. But that only makes me even more concerned.”

“Why’s that Ma’am?” chimed in Weiss.

“Isn't it obvious to all of you? If that thing did in fact not have a ship, that must mean it not only survived entering our atmosphere,” I look back to the pink creature, feeling my heart start beating faster, “But also survived in the vacuum of space, completely exposed, for probably an unfathomable amount of distance and time. That’s not even getting into how it could’ve spoken one of our languages,” I concluded, folding my hands under my face as I watched everyone’s reaction to that little bomb I dropped.

“There’s no way…”

“I can’t believe I slept close to that thing…”

“What a monster…” whispered Weiss, Neumman, and Koenig. All three of them were on the ground grieving about the worst possible scenarios when Visha spoke out.

“M-major, h-how about we don’t think about what this thing can do. Let’s, I dunno, talk about something else,” she suggested, even though I could see she was just as shaken as the rest of them.

“Like what?” I asked, not moving my hands off my face.

“What’s even the point…” mumbled Koenig, his head on his knees as he curled up into a ball. “If we’re dealing with something like this, how would we be able to stop it if it… if it…”

“Please, don’t start with that, any of you,” pleaded Visha, “Uhm how about, Major. I’ve been curious. When did you ever have time to learn Akitsushieen?” she begged more than asked, trying desperately to get a conversation going.

“Hehe, time to pull out my cover story again,” I think to myself, hiding my pride with a simple sigh.

“Sigh, it’s rather fortunate really. While I was at college, I was looking for different ways the Empire could make allies outside the continent. It didn't take long for me to come up with the Akitsushima Dominion as that sort of alley.”

“However, information on that nation is quite limited. By the time I was able to scrounge up more research about the island nation, I already took time to learn a substantial amount of the language. I didn't realize that they were very much an isolationist nation,” I finished, looking back at the unchanged mood of the three men.

“Well, I’m glad you did learn it then Major…” said Vischa trying to seem excited. She looked back to her commanders with a sad expression.

“Hmm,” I think to myself as I look at everyone's depressed state. “Perhaps I shouldn't have told them my thoughts,” I pondered to myself as I closed my eyes. And as sad as it seemed, we all traveled the rest of the way in a tense, foreboding silence.

21:00
Capital Of The Fatherland: Berun

The silence made the train ride feel longer than it actually was.

They hadn’t stayed awake as late as their previous escapade, but by the time we got into the city proper, the sun had already sunken down low enough to be replaced by the fluorescent bulbs of the militarist city. After that, it didn't take long for the engine to screech to a halt into Berun’s vacant Hauptbahnhof (Central Station).

Vacant with civilians that is, not vacant of the various grunts and recruits, practically began forcing me and my battalion outside into the station's main platform. Unfortunately, I was still begrudgingly in charge of carrying the potential ball of mass destruction out into the open. This time I used the blanket it slept on rather than Visha’s coat to cover its face and body from prying eyes.

As the grunts and other low ranking troops led my battalion to the station’s side entrance, I saw a very familiar face. Standing between us and the cobblestone streets, was the blue haired Lieutenant Colonel who had a neutral expression coating his face. He was looking down at his round pocket watch, before putting it away as we approached him. 

“Greetings soldiers of the 203rd, my name is Erich Von Rerugen, a Lieutenant Colonel stationed near strategic headquarters,” he introduced, adjusting his glasses as he continued. “Start getting into proper formation, once that’s settled I will give you your future orders for the remainder of the night,” commanded the superior officer as my battalion began shuffling into order.

“Degurechaff,” whispered the Lieutenant just loud enough for him to get my attention. I turned to see a slight frown on his face. “Stand by my side before we start if you would,” he ordered as I nodded back to him, pacing my way next to him.

“What’s wrong Colonel? Can’t handle a speech by yourself,” I joked as I stood at attention by his side. 

“You know that’s not the reason Major Degurechaff,” he retorted with a hint of frustration. I couldn't help but notice his gaze turning to the round sheet in my arms. “Is that…?”

“Yes,” I said simply as I watched him take a deep breath in before letting it out. “Would you like to see it?” I asked, my voice dripping with smugness.

“Absolutely not Degurechaff. Don’t show that thing to anyone, strategic command is already in chaos about what to do about it. Luckily… Zettour already has a plan for this,” he mumbled that last part, but before I could respond to that part, he turned his gaze back to my organized battalion with a resharpened look.

“An excellent formation gentleman. To begin with, allow me to congratulate you all,” he gave off a fine salute, “On behalf of me, my colleagues, and everyone in the Empire as a whole. We thank you for your impressive bravery and even more impressive results against the Dacians. The Empire will take great pride in capitalizing on the opening you all made,” he announced to them all.

I knew it was all mostly BS coming out of his mouth, but I couldn't help but feel a sense of pride when I saw everyone's various reactions to the praise. Even if I didn't initially want them, their personalities seemed to grow on me. Like a moss or a mold, but grow on me nonetheless.

“However despite that, we will need to ask more of you than initially requested of your rank,” started the lieutenant, quieting everyone. “You see, we need you all to stay confidential about what occurred last night. And in order to ensure that, strategic command has offered to give all a large weekly check.”

Her men cheered at the offer of more money, some of them talking happily amongst themselves. But heck could you blame them? I probably would too if I wasn't holding a living bomb in my hands. “Quiet all of you!” he yelled, causing them to quiet for the second time. “There is only one more stipulation to this sum of money. You are only allowed to stay within the confines of Berun until your next deployment. Failure to do so will not only discharge you from the military,” Rerugen steeled himself for his next words, “But also the potential harm of your family members if we see your actions treacherous enough.”

I almost felt bad as I inwardly laughed at that, only being stopped as everyone else began to mumbling in concern and Rerugen within earshot. “Funny, guess it pays to be an orphan. Not like I would, but I really could just get up and leave if I wanted to.”

“Otherwise gentlemen, that will be all,” he concluded, pointing to the road behind him where two buses were parked on the side of the road. “We will now transport you directly to Berun’s main barracks where you will receive the first of your paychecks and also figure out your living situations. Any other questions?” asked Rerugen, scanning the anxious soldiers for any raised hands. “No? Then this is where we part ways,” said the Lieutenant, giving one final salute. “May god protect all of you.”

With those parting words, everyone nervously began walking down the station steps to get into the buses. I was moving as well before a hand landed on my shoulder. “Apologies for the confusion Major, but you will be taking the car over that way,” said the blue haired Colonel, pointing further down the road to a black Volkswagen with tinted windows.

“This has trouble written all over it,” I thought, yet all the same I thanked my commanding officer as I began to walk down the steps alongside everyone else.

“Major,”

“Hmm?” I hummed in confusion, turning my head to face Vischa as we continued to walk down together.

“Are you going to be okay with… you know?” she asked worriedly, looking down at the cover body in my arms.

I scoffed at her as we touched down on the sidewalk. “Heh, you really think that little of me Vischa?”

“What n-no I didn't mean-”

“Stop the babbling, please. Look, I’m not sure how much it means to you, but sorry about what I said back on the train on the train. I didn't mean to make everyone feel so tense. Especially since it’s all speculation,” I glanced away before looking back up to her. “You’ve all survived worse, but I guess in retrospect it was a bit bleak.”

“Also, quit your worrying about me. I’m your commanding officer, meaning I should be more concerned about you dying, it’d ruin my reputation after all. Besides, even if I did die,” I feel a smirk playing on my lips as I say, “The only thing I’d regret is not having a sip of your coffee as I go out.”

I was confused when I saw a touch of red on her cheeks, “Ah, she must be embarrassed. Perhaps I should have other people make my coffee so her ego doesn't get too big,” I reasoned to myself as the person manning the bus shouted out, “Last call before we head out!”

The shout seemed to snap her out of whatever was on her mind, as her head was yanked out of the clouds. “I uhm, thanks for the compliment!” she thanked me before turning the other way to run after the bus. “May god keep you safe Major!”

“Er, same with you!” I shouted back, feeling more than a little awkward at the glorious praise of Being X. I sighed as she got into the transport bus, the door closing as they both took off down the street. I stood there for a bit, alone as the temperate fall breeze rustled through my messy hair. “And just like that, it’s just you and me, huh bomber man,” I said lightly to the hidden creature in my arms.

*Honk!*

“Alright, I’m coming!” I shout to the black car up ahead. “The nerve of this driver,” I mutter to myself, stomping my way to the Volkswagon. I reach it, opening the door with my elbow as I step inside. “No no, please. Don’t help the lady with her hands full,” I complained to myself, making sure I carefully placed the snoring being onto the leather cushions beside me before I slammed the door.

“This is ridiculous,” I mumbled to myself as I buckled in my seatbelt, “I better not be going to some sort of underground bunker.”

“You’re not, at least not yet,” replied the driver in a voice that made me yelp out loud.

“Brigadier General!?” I yelped, saluting the silver haired man that was basically my direct boss. “Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry for yelling at you, please forgive me I thought-!”

“At ease Degurechaff please,” growled the general, looking behind me from the driver's seat as I just dumbly covered my mouth with my hands. He glared at me, cursing under his breath as he put his eyes back on the road and began to pull into the street.

“Major…do you have any idea how big of a mess things have been for me today?” complained the older man.

“I don’t know sir… I haven't been in-”

“It was rhetorical Degurechaff,” he replied bitterly, swerving to the side and speeding up to pass another driver. “I haven't slept in days because of planning out our invasion of Dacia and the other combat situations across the Empire, and just when I get a single hour of rest, you call me at one o'clock in the morning and tell me that some alien fell from the sky!?” he roared out in frustration, passing another car as it honked at him. “The fuck am I supposed to think, huh!”

“Oh damn! What the hell do I say to him? He's pissed! ” I pondered, squirming in my seat as he drove around like how my deranged uncle did back in my first life. “How about…”, “Sir if we’re not going to a bunker of sorts, where are we going?” I asked in a sing song voice.

“The hospital. We can’t exactly put it in jail or imprison it can we?”

“I don't get what you mean by that,” I say, feeling a nervous sweat break out across my skin.

“It’s completely obvious, even you should understand through that thick skull of yours, Dummkopf,” berated my boss, “We can’t exactly chain up an intelligent creature who could potentially be part of a massive intergalactic empire. No, we need to respect it while doing our best to keep it under wraps from the rest of the world for as long as possible and- hold on a moment,” said Zettour calmly as he furiously rolled down the window. “Du Arschloch! Out of my way asshole!” he belted out the window as he swerved past another driver in his way, causing me and the creature to slide all the way to the left side of the car.

“How much road rage does this geezer have!? Which is he trying to do first? Get us killed, or me to hurl out my breakfast!” I mentally fume as I hold onto the side of the car for dear life.

“And you Major,” he glared through the rearview mirror at me.

“Yes?” I squeaked out.

“You're staying with that creature, for as long as we deem it necessary. I want you to treat it like it’s an extension of you. I don’t care if you complain about it, because if you mess up, by god if you screw this up. It could be the end for all of us! Understood!?”

“Yes sir!” I shouted back, just agreeing with him as my eyes were squeezed shut. Suddenly, we stopped completely, causing all the built momentum to make me slam my head against the headrest in front of me. 

“Fucking finally,” grumbled the general, as I clumsily opened the car door, hand clutching my head as I felt a bruise coming on. Stepping out of the death trap, I reached back in to pull out the creature. Zettour rolled down his window to give me another delusional order. “You are to put that thing in any room on the top floor. It doesn't matter which, we cleared them all out,” grunted the man, reaching into his glove compartment to pull out a cigar.

He also pulled a lighter out of his pocket to light it, taking a huge gulp of the smoke before he blew it all out in my face. I choked on the horrible smell, not helping the migraine that was aching my mind. “And one last thing, more personal really…” he said slowly.

“Y-yes,” I say wearily.

“If there are any problems, you call strategic HQ. Not me, strategic HQ, understood?” he growled through gritted teeth. “We’ll have someone check in on you in the morning. Any questions?” he asked, taking another puff off his death stick. “Good.” The bastard didn't even bother to wait as he rolled up his window and took off, leaving me in front of the hospital like some abandoned child.

I couldn’t believe what just happened. I wanted to scream, to lash out at my boss, I wanted to grab my rifle and blow his stupid, FUCKING brains out. But noooooo, I couldn't do that, I had to walk into the empty hospital lobby and go up the rickety ass elevator. “Because what’s proper workplace safety huh??? Yeah, let’s leave the old fossil who hasn't slept in days in charge of picking up the little girl holding either your savior or nuclear bomb in her arms!” I snapped to myself as the elevator chimed at the top floor, revealing the dark empty top floor.

I turned right into the closest room and plopped the son of a bitch right onto the hospital bed. I pulled the covers back so I could see that stupid, unassumingly cute face of this… “Actually…I have the perfect name for something like you,” I say glaring at the snoring pink blob. “Being Y. Being Y is perfect for something like you. Because just like Being X, you make my life miserable again. At the very least I can make some sick joke as to whY you are doing this,” I spat out as I turned on my heels away from the thing.

I took the seat directly in front of Being Y, crossing my arms as I glared at the creature in the darkened hospital room. 

And there I sat, for however long I stayed awake. Glaring at Being Y with all the contempt I could muster. Wishing with all my being that this thing never, fucking existed.

Editing Number: 8/21/2024-8/21/2024

Chapter Text

Man screw school!

How TF do I already have 10 assignments, 3 quizzes, and a test on the first week!!

uuuuuuuuuuugggggggggghhhhhh

December 7th 2018
~~?????~~

*The sky is orange as the sun sets on the edge of a rocky cliff. Yet no one is enjoying the view. It’s bright outside, much too bright as a star cuts through the heavens…*

“Faster.” I pleaded to my star as another scream was cut off.

Our light’s roar bounds after him. Four are after him now.

“Faster!” I keep going, pushing my star harder than I ever have before.

There’s nothing left in our way. Only one is left to defy our light.

I glance back, seeing strands on top of strands of light coiling all around me. Above, under, and behind me. They're all closing in on me!

“Faster! Faster!!” I will my star.

Within our grasp.

“Faster! Faster!! Faster!!!” I plead to my star, feeling my very sight start to blur.

With you…

“COME ON!!!”

All will be consumed…

“It’s behind me, so close. It hurts, it hurts so bad.”

By our…

“Dedede, Meta Knight, anyone!! This nightmare sucks!”

World of…

“Let me wake up please!! I don’t want to di-” *POP*

L I G H T

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Chapter 4
Hi!

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“WAH!!” I scream, feeling out of breath as I sit up from bed. Huh? Bed? I look down and hug my blankie. “It is a bed! Thank you, thank you! It was just a nightmare, a horrible, yucky nightmare,” I cried to myself, giving my blankie an even bigger hug.

But…

I blink a few times, looking at the end of… this blankie?

“Ehhhhhh!!! You’re not my blankie!?” I yelp out, pushing the evil, gross blankie away. It was the opposite of my blankie. Mine was blue(like the ice), warm(not like ice but still), and had super cool stars all over it. 

This one was NOT mine! It was gray (bad color), cold (like the ice but bad), and it didn't even have a single star on it! So lame!!

“Wait…” I think to myself, standing on the bed to look all around the room. “Oh no! Did I sleep walk into someone’s house again!? This isn't my room at all!!!” I panicked as I kept looking around the square, white box I was in.

“If I did… does that mean I stole someone’s blankie,” I thought to myself, feeling guilty as I picked up the gross blankie. “This could be someone’s favorite blankie. Ah no, now I feel sad…”

“Eh, Wer ist da?” mumbled the little sleepyhead.

I looked in front of me and got super duper excited! I see a friend sized human! She was being really silly, doesn't she know that chairs are meant for sitting, not for snoozing.

Ha, I thought humans had parents to teach them that, guess I'll have to show her how sleepings really done!

I hopped down and waddled my way over to her and just when I was about to poke her awake, a lightbulb went off on top of my noggin. “Hold on a second… if she’s sleeping on the chair,” *GASP*, I gasped super big, putting the hard mystery to rest.

“That must mean this is her house!! I need to wake her right now and say sorry!” I said loudly to myself, grabbing her leg to start shaking it. “Hey, wake up! I’m trying to say sorry!” I yelled, shaking her leg.

“Oh wait, she’s probably cold. I’ll get her blankie. That’ll make her happy, huuuuff ” I gulp up a big ton of air to float back onto the bed. I breathe out as I pick up her blankie.

“Visha, ist das du?” grumbled the sleepyhead, rubbing her eyes as she finally seemed to be waking up.

“Oh great, you're finally waking up!” I cheered as she blinked her big ol eyes. She still looked sleepy, but when she looked at me, it actually seemed to wake her up. “Hi!” I waved to her.

Strangely, she didn't smile back. Instead, she squeaked like a mouse, jumping right up onto the chair she was sleeping on. I frowned worriedly as I watched her breathe really fast as she gave me this funny look I couldn't put into words.

“That’s strange ,” I thought to myself confused, “Did I do something wrong?”

~~~T~~~

“Of course Being Y was awake before I could be,” I mentally scolded myself, calmly assessing the situation from the high ground. “Look at that thing, it’s already putting on the cute act. Heh, it’s almost doing as good of a job as I do when I ham it up. Though if it wasn't a potential enemy, I’d have told it that it’s going too hard on the sad puppy dog face. No one’s going to buy that,” I smirked as I watched it attempt to trick me with its round, confused little puppy dog face.

“Alright well, since I got snuck up on, I don’t know when strategic command is coming back with reinforcements, so I just need to collect myself,” I say to myself, taking deep breaths as I slowly sat back down onto the chair. “This thing could attack me at any moment, so I just need to keep it busy with some small talk until the situation changes. Maybe I can find something out about this thing that'll let brass give me a damn day off.”

I carefully got off the chair, standing on the ground at my full height. Meaning with Being Y standing there on the bed, we were just about at the same eye level. I steeled my nerves, holding my hands behind my back with as rigid of a posture as I could whilst I planned out what humanity’s first true contact with alien life should be. “As crazed as Zettour was last night, his hypothesis that Being Y might be a part of a larger intergalactic empire does seem to hold merit. Most likely it was the brass’s collective conclusion that he spouted out to me, so for now I’ll take that as fact.”

“Let me think… If I were a scout for an empire as large as that, it’d be either a good or bad thing to intimidate it. If it came here looking for an alliance, I can show this thing how strong we are as a nation amongst this divided world of humans. If it came here to invade and more than likely eradicate us all, intimidation might deter this thing from calling in a giant fleet of star cruisers,” I nod to myself, picturing the type of star fleet that Star Trek had. “Heh, knowing Being X, I wouldn't be surprised if he summoned Being Y to wipe us all out. But I guess I don’t have that many options on what to do now,” I sighed, as I went into action.

And if all of humanity is riding on my introduction, I think I gave a damn good one. I first moved my right leg forward. I made sure that my step was carefully measured out, being as sure as I could be that I wasn't too close while also not being too far at the same time. This was done so I wouldn't impose too much intimidation in case this thing was secretly armed.

I then precisely moved my other leg next to mine, positioning it in a way so that my legs were as even and symmetrical as they could be. This would show that we aren't just stupid barbarians who can’t even salute properly. I could feel myself start to sweat with all the concentration I was putting in, but I couldn't ruin the moment so I had to persist. And no! It definitely wasn't because I was nervous!

I then carefully moved my left arm up, focusing so as to not move it up too fast to alarm it. I chose to raise my left hand because I noticed it was situated in a way that the left arm would come off as the least opposing of the two limbs. I gritted my teeth under my lips. Keeping my form this clean was taking a lot out of me. “I hope Being Y is impressed by this because this is really hard to pull off!”

~~~K~~~

“Is she trying to poop?” I laughed to myself, watching the friend sized human move in slow motion. 

“Maybe she… is? She’s sweating an awful lot…” I thought, starting to worry about her.

~~~T~~~

Finally! I make sure my hand is as straight as a knife's edge as I move it to my forehead. It would probably look messy if I touched my hair instead of my forehead, so I take care to feel how low my hair is falling in front of my eyes. “And… I did it! The perfect salute! ” I smiled to myself, my eyes beginning to sting as the sweat from my forehead rolled down. “And now...” I cough a bit, to prepare my Japanese for the first time in a decade.

“My name is Tanya Von Degurechaff, a Major in charge of Imperial Army 203rd Air Mage Battalion, one of the many far reaching armies of the Empire! I have many epithets but to keep it simple, you can simply call me Ace Of Aces!” I give a slight bow to the pink creature. “If you would grace my race with your name, my nation would be most gracious!” I say with the same tone that I would use if I ever met royalty.

“That’s it! I totally nailed that introduction! In your face Being X!!” I mentally cackled, my slight bow hiding my wide grin. Now I just had to wait for a response…

~~~K~~~

“Ooooooh, she was trying to say hi!” I finally realized, giving a sigh of relief as she took a bow. “That was certainly a weird way to say hi. No wait, I can’t say that. All humans are different after all. They’re… uhm, they’re,” I pouted trying to find the right word.  

“Humph, what was that thing Ness and Lucas said about humans??? Ah I got it! Ethaaa-, Ethaaaaa-, Ethaawincity? Uh oh, I think I forgot.”

“But hey! At least she spoke in Dedenese! I was so worried I couldn't say hi to her! All I have to do is do that hello she did back at her.”

“It’s just… how did she do that weird wavey thingy again? ” I thought really hard, raising my hand to my head. As I was trying to figure it out, she peeked up from her bow. “Oh mi gosh, she’s waiting for me!” I panicked, thinking even harder to recall what she did.

“It was, ah like this. Wah!” I threw my hand off my head, but tripped on the bed falling over face first. I started giggling, “Gee, I can’t believe I tripped like that. That’s pretty embarrassing haha,” I laughed to myself.

~~~T~~~

“Is it trying to insult me!?” I screamed as I watched this intergalactic scout do the worst salute I’ve ever seen! “Even a baby could pull off a better salute than that! Calm down, Calm Down Tanya!! It’s laughing, perhaps it somehow made a mistake on its part,” I reasoned to myself, taking deep breaths to help calm myself down. “Not like I could enact any kind of punishment on it anyways,” I grumbled as the laughing pink ball picked itself up.

“Sorrwe abouta that,” apologized Being Y, speaking in it’s carefully fabricated childlike voice. It’s Japanese was coming out in a very thick accent that I couldn't quite place. “Whata meant to saya is, Hi! I’m Kirby!” waved the pink puffball. 

“Kirby?” I muttered to myself. “Did it make it up on the spot? It sounds… strangely American??” yet all the same I extended my hand to this, ‘Kirby’. “It’s a wonderful pleasure to meet you… Kirby,” I uttered, the new name for Being Y still feeling wrong in my mouth. “Welcome to Earth.”

“Thank Yew Tanya,” babbled the Kirby, using two of its nubs to shake my hand. It felt more than a little strange as the Kirby’s fingerless limbs seemingly tethered to my skin like biological velcro. 

“Fascinating,” was all I could think up as a firm knock sounded outside. “Finally backup!” “Excuse me… Kirby, I have to step outside for a moment,” I stated calmly as I ended the handshake. I began walking to the door, but I turned around as I realized I had to ask this thing one more crucial question…

“Kirby?” I asked the carefree puff ball.

~~~K~~~

“Yeah?” I said back to the stiff little human.

“Why are you here?”

“Why…?” I muttered, thinking super hard about it. “That nightmare, could it be…”

“Uhma, lost,” I said kinda embarrassed.

The human kinda just nodded to that as she opened and closed the door, leaving me standing on her bed. It didn't last long as I sat back down, looking out the window at all the strange windowed blocks and toy cars moving around outside.

“I’m not sure if that nightmare was real but…” I reached my arm towards the window. “Why do I feel like I’m missing a piece of me out there, in the east?”

Author's Note

Raaaahhh!! I’m so happy to be writing from the Kurb’s POV! It’s so much fun, I'm having an absolute ball!!

I hope you liked it too! (say things that go with each site)

See Yeah! :)

Editing Number: 8/27/2024-8/27/2024

Chapter Text

Pray for me because I’m definitely on a list after the things I had to look up in order to make this chapter work… (╥﹏╥)

Chapter 5
Major Dress Up 

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“So that’s all you were able to gather so far, Degurechaff?” asked the aging Major General Rudersdorf. He had a tall notepad on his lap that he used to write down everything she had said.

“I’m afraid so Major General. I was only awake for a short time until you showed up with supplies. Siiiiiip, also thank you for the apple juice,” thanked the preteen major as she took another sip from her apple juice.

Currently, it was just the two of them as Tanya briefed her superior about the short interaction with the lost alien blob. They were seated just outside of it’s room in the empty hallway of the empty top floor of the hospital.

The former salary man took a final swig of the kid's juice box as she once again analyzed the strange set of items Rudersdorf brought for her. “When I was expecting supplies, I was expecting more than a dress up kit for Little Red Riding Hood,” I grumbled silently. On the floor beside the general was a small wicker basket with a handle that held several containers of sandwiches, apples, and juice boxes. There were also two sack like backpacks behind him, one of them being bigger than the other.

It was an odd way to resupply someone standing guard against something so dangerous, but that wasn’t what made the cogs in her head work overtime. “Sir, just out of curiosity, why did you bring me civilian clothes? Are we moving locations again?” I asked politely as I discarded my empty beverage into a trash can.

“No no, I won’t be transporting you or this, ‘Kirby’ anywhere. Not anymore that is,” sighed the general, leaning back in the uncomfortable hospital chair to pull out a thick cigar.

I clenched my fists out of his view. “What caused the change in plans if I may ask?”

“Well, last night along with earlier this morning, we caught two spies from the Francois Republic,” he pulled out a lighter and sparked a flame. “One was disguised as a civilian that was scooping out the outside of the barracks where we transported your men to and the other one had even made it as far in as taking out a cook in order to get those men of yours to talk,” he put the cigar to his lips and gave a huff that began to fill the hall with the stench of smoke. “We were fortunate that your men were astute enough to report them to us, but there could still be more out there for all we know.”

“So that’s why we’re changing plans. If they knew to target the barracks, it’s incredibly likely that they also know you’re in the hospital.” The general leaned back down to look me in the face, his eyes looking a bit apologetic as he frowned. “Especially since my colleague was… being reckless in the act of getting you here. I apologize on his behalf for that behavior.”

“There is no need to apologize,” I stated firmly, “I know he was simply doing it for the benefit of the fatherland.”

“Well even so that’s why I brought these civilian clothes for you to wear along with this backpack that fits the dimensions you described yesterday of the ‘Kirby’,” he explained, lifting the large backpack that was basically a sack forward in front of his feet.

“I’ll be carrying it out in a backpack?” I asked with squinted eyes, not buying it as I waited for the real plan.

“Yes, it is the best strategy that HQ could think of in such a short amount of time. You are to do you’re best to look inconspicuous as you leave the hospital,” he handed me a small envenlope. “In there will be your cover story along with the right time to leave the building. If I remember correctly your story would go along the lines of you leaving school early to visit your sick grandmother in order to give her treats,” he drawled slowly as he twirled his mustache.

“Goddamn it, it is Little Red Riding Hood!!!” I internally howled. But I couldn’t let that show to my superior officer so I simply nodded to that and asked something else that was nagging on my mind. “And where exactly will I be walking to? If the hospital is unsafe, where else in the city would be suitable to hide ‘Kirby’?”

Rudersdorf blinked a bit before he exclaimed with a short gasp. “Apologies once again Degurechaff, that is an excellent question that I’m glad you brought up,” he said whilst he rubbed his eyes wearily. “Yes, we have an idea of where you and the ‘Kirby’ would best be suited to go. Unfortunately, it was one of the less discussed options we made since we saw this outcome of events unlikely, but it should work out fine nonetheless,” he yawned before he took another huff of his cigar to wake himself up more.

“Well, what is it?” I asked, trying my best to hide my growing impatience.

“Well…,” the General scratched his head awkwardly.  “Do you know if any of your men own an apartment in Berun?”

I opened my mouth, but the words stalled for a moment at the oddball of a question. “I-i uhm, yes I know of a handful,” I stuttered in confusion.

I went from confused to worried in a second however as the General gave a thankful sigh of all things. “Phew, that is excellent to hear Degurechaff. That means the plan will still work.”

“What plan exactly??”

“Hrmm,” the man hummed as he leaned back in the chair again. “How comfortable would you feel if stayed at their place until your next deployment?”

“...”

“I, excuse me… could you repeat that please?” mumbled the wide eyed major.

The General only seemed to laugh at her befuddlement, slapping his knee as he kept up his ragged laughter. “Ah ha ha ha! To repeat what I said Degurechaff, snicker, How comfortable would you feel if stayed at their place until your next deployment?” repeated Rudersdorf as he started catching his breath.

I didn't say anything for a long while, the only movement I made other than my already slack jaw was my right eye twitching a little. “Oh wow, oh wow, wow, wow,” I mentally fumed. “So is this what Being X has for me next huh, fucking Roleplay!?!” I moved my head up to the ceiling a little to look up at that bastard. “I see you now… gave up breaking my will through a life or death war huh Being X? Switching over to breaking my dignity huh Being X!? Fine then, I’ll pray then, I’ll pray to whatever god is above you that making me play dress up will be-!”

“Degurechaff?”

“Fine,” I smiled maybe a bit too hard, “I’m fine, definitely fine,” I muttered through my smile as I stood up and grabbed the clothes out of the basket. “Is it okay that I take a shower before I decide on who I choose, General?”

Rudersdorf thought for a moment and nodded to her request. “As long as you report back in a hurry it should be fine. I have to make sure I notify who you’ve chosen before I leave,” explained Rudersdorf as I walked down the hall to another empty shower.

“Understood sir,” I said hitting a forced salute to fit my still forced smile. “Thank you sooooo much for taking time out of your busy schedule to grace me with this chance to save the Fatherland,” I forced out in a sing song voice. 

Thirty Minutes Later
14:30

“Ah yes, excellent job making the disguise work,” praised the elder General as he applauded at Degurechaff’s new disguise.

Trying her best to hide her absolute rage, Tanya was wearing something that was a stylistic mix of German and Japanese school uniforms. She was wearing a white long sleeved shirt that was covered by a navy blue jacket with green and red trims that was held together by a small green bowtie. Her long blonde hair was released from its usual ponytail as it flowed down a bit past her shoulders. Her usual combat boots were also replaced by freshly shined black loafers with black knee high socks. Yet all of these were only brief annoyances to what truly pissed her off the most… 

“Sir, just a question, who were the main drivers for this flavorful being chosen?” I asked trying my best to keep a straight face.

“Well I, uhm, don’t exactly recall very clearly,” stumbled the man with a slight nervous sweat that gave it away.

“Really, well that’s just dandy Major General,” I gritted as I dropped my trusty uniform beside his chair. “Make sure these get washed and returned to me,” I slipped out in an annoyed mutter.

“Of course Major. Does that mean you’ve decided where you want these to be returned to?” he asked with a raised brow.

I purposefully sighed in order to give the illusion that the decision was tough. “Sigh, yes I did. It was certainly tough to decide between them all but I believe Viktoriya Ivanovna Serebryakov would be the best person for me to transfer to,” I explained with crossed arms.

“I see, I see. That’s a wise choice Major, I’ll make sure to contact the barracks so she can be informed of your imminent arrival,” he said writing down those details. 

Once that was done with, the Major General stood up and saluted her. “Well then Degurechaff, I do say you are clearly the best for the task at hand. This may be the last time I see you for quite some time so just know I wish you the best on your new assignment. We will be waiting for your reports as we decide the best course of action,” he said as he began to walk towards the elevator, with her old uniform sequestered away in the General’s own bag.

“I will be sure to keep you and HQ as up to date as I can manage,” I saluted to him as the elevator doors closed on him. 

Once he was gone however, I couldn’t help but deflate at what a humiliating mission I was set out to accomplish. “I can’t wait to write a report on that man if he tries something like this on me again. Well, maybe once the war is over preferably” I corrected as I walked towards the door, with my large backpack in hand.

“Hello Kirby, apologies for being so late,” I apologized in Japanese, “But I have everything we need to move you to a more comfortable place so we can- Hey stop! Get away from the window!” I shouted as I dropped the bag to sprint over to the window.

“Oh, hi Tanya! This city is ah mazing!” waved the pink blob, marveling at the capital city as he stuck half his body out the window. “There's so many buildings and humus down there! Ists so cool!”

“Kirby, please don’t stick yourself out the window like that! We’re too high up!” I pleaded, too hesitant to pull the creature back inside as it lay on the windowsill.

“Ists okay! I’ve beena lotta hire before,” said Kirby in his thick accent as he continued to look around. “Don’ta warey, Imma nought that clumsay,” explained Kirby with a cheerful smile. He kicked his feet around in the air whimsically as he forgot the potted plant next to him, accidentally pushing it off the windowsill as it started to fall to the sidewalk below. Kirby looked back to Tanya sheepishly, “Sorrwe abouta that,”

“Ugh, just get in here,” I said irritably, pulling Kirby inside by the feet as he kept apologizing. “Look I’ll explain what’s going to happen next. I need you to go inside this bag so you and I can go to a safer place to stay at, okay,” I explained efficiently if a bit annoyed as I dropped the pink ball onto the bed.

Funnily enough, like a cat, Kirby righted himself almost effortlessly mid-air. Effortlessly enough to where he was still able to be in deep concentration. “Hmmmm, don’ta worry abouta that Tanya! I have ah disguise I can put on,” smiled the alien.

“Really?” I said surprised, “Maybe his species has the ability to mimic human proportions. It does look awfully malleable,” I thought nodding my head to that hypothesis. “Okay sure. If the disguise is good enough you don’t have to go into the bag.”

“Alright, let me see what I have,” said Kirby as he opened his mouth up wide.

“What you, oh…” I whispered out, my train of thought exploding as Kirby stuck his hand in his mouth like he was looking for something “There’s no way that he has something inside his-”

“~Ah! Found it,” said Kirby with his hand still in his mouth as he pulled out his disguise. He smiled at it proudly before he put it on despite his lack of ears. “What do you think?”

I just stared at him dumbfounded, wondering if he was secretly messing with me. “I don’t think that’s going to fool anyone, plus…” I said just eyeing what he pulled out in disbelief. It was one of those things I had seen only in movies and TV shows that were meant to be played for laughs, it was an obvious pair of glasses that had a large nose with fuzzy nose hair and eyebrows.

So despite Kirby not having a nose or facial hair, it was still an incredibly awful disguise plus… “You look like a jew.”

Kirby grew a confused expression as he raised his hand like a little kid. “Yes Kirby?”

“What’s ah, Jew?”

I only sighed and shook my head. “Just get in the bag Kirby. I am not explaining all the problems your disguise has,” I said pointing to the open bag on the floor.

“F-fine,” sniffed the pink blob as waddled over to the open sack. Once he was there, the pink ball jumped right into the bag as it fit perfectly around him. I walked up to the bagged Kirby, musing silently to myself that he looked like a giant pink egg. I then buckled the bag shut behind him.

“Are you comfortable in there? I asked as I put on the surprisingly light backpack, being able to walk around without any issue despite Kirby being half my size.

“It’s ah whittle cramped, but it’s not ah too bad for me,” said Kirby as his eyes looked out of bag through the holes in the seal.

“That’s great to hear,” I said as I walked out of the room. I bent over to the abandoned chairs to pick up my little wicker basket full of snacks and juice.

“Hey Tanya, is there food in there?” asked Kirby as he somehow smelled the food.

“There is, but I can’t give you any right now. I can if you’re still for the whole trip,” I said with a small grin as I bribed the alien.

“Deal!” cheered Kirby.

We then walked over to the elevator where I pressed the button to go to the lobby. “Hmmm, I wonder if Visha will mind that I roped her into this mess,” I wondered idly as we began our dissension.

Meanwhile, on the street level, people were screaming and looking up into the air at who could’ve thrown a pot off a twenty story building. More specifically, a well built man in his late forties was wondering suspiciously at what he saw high up on the twentieth floor. He was currently sitting on a bench that was across the street from the hospital with today’s latest edition of the ‘Imperial Times’ in his grasp. 

Unbeknownst to everyone there, he had been sitting there since this morning, observing everyone who was going in and out of the hospital. That was because he, the distinguished veteran who earned the ‘Croix de Guerre (War Cross)’ Klevar Amontillado, was a spy for the Francois Republic.

He was one of three who had been sent out to certain locations across the city to monitor the strange behavior the Imperial high command had been demonstrating since yesterday. Their behavior could best be described as erratic and slapdashed over seemingly nothing. Yet there had to be something, something they wanted to keep hidden.

“I will avenge you, my comrades,” grieved Klevar with a single tear as he crumbled the newspaper in his hands, the article that read that two Republican spies were caught and executed earlier that day. “And I believe wholeheartedly that whatever lies inside that building, holds the key to ending this nation of Dachshunds,” he stewed, glowering at the hospital entrance to hopefully achieve his righteous justice.

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Cutesy Little Dialogue

Kirby: Heya Tanya, I need ah wittle help making an account for this game. It’s really tough…

*Tanya stops whatever she’s doing at the table*

Tanya: Alright then bring it here. Let me see if I can help.

*Kirby waddles over to the table and sits next to her with the laptop*

Tanya: So what are you having trouble filling out?

Kirby: Well, over here on password, I don’t have enough room to fit it.

Tanya: Why what kind of password are you trying to put in?

Kirby: Well it said put in 13 characters so I tried to do that but it still wouldn’t work.

Tanya: Hmm, yeah that is strange let me try typing it and you say what your password is.

Kirby: Got it! Ready?

Tanya: Ready.

Kirby: Okay! Let’s see so we have Batman, Joker, Mario, Luigi…

*Tanya then falls off the chair due to the Kurb’s absolute pureness*

Editing Number: 10/28/2024-10/28/2024

Chapter Text

Hi everyone! I just wanted to say thank you so much for all of the support on this cute adorable little story I’ve made!! It’s only been five chapters over the past couple of months and this is already my most Kudoed story ever!!!

YAHOO!!

Like wow, there’s so much I wanna say! So many fluffy feel good scenes I wanna spoil for you all right now! Like… like…like…

*Looks up at the new tags…*

Wait… why the [[Fiddle Sticks]] is there “Unintentional Cannibalism” in here?!?!?

Chapter 6
Unsavory Banquet

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15:00
The Hospital Lobby

“Ah, that’s so kind of you Tanya. I’m happy to hear that your grandmother is still in good health,” said the young nurse with a thoughtful smile as she signed the cute little girl out of the hospital.

“I’m glad as well,” chirped Tanya in her natural voice. Unbeknownst to the nurse at the front desk, she was tapping her foot impatiently on the sterile floor, eager to get this transport mission over with as soon as possible. The small talk was manageable at first, but this drawn out chit chat was ticking her off. Especially since there were so many people now crammed into the lobby, far too many of them coughing and wheezing that she was beginning to worry that she’d catch something. 

“Alright little missy, you’re all free to go. Be careful walking back home okay. Those streets are looking awfully crowded right now,” spoke the nurse with a look of concern, her eyes gazing at the constant flow of people outside the hospital's glass doors.

“Thank you! And don’t worry! I’m a big girl!” sang the small child with the sounds of childlike bravado. With that, the small blonde turned on her heels and began walking towards the glass double doors. Before said blonde girl left out into the bustling streets of Berun, she hesitated letting herself sigh out loud. The act of pretending so childish weighed heavily on her already limited dignity. “Just a few miles and I can change out of these frilly clothes,” she tightened her grip on both of her backpack straps, “And maybe I can offload this pain for a little bit while I get Visha to make me a pot.”

With her thoughts now collected, the young Major took a deep breath, and stepped into the heavy sea of people that clogged the sidewalks of the main street. She quickly had to pick up her pace in order to follow the much faster stride of the adult crowd, their height causing her to lose visibility instantly as all of the grown ups dwarfed her small stature. No problem however, all she had to do was go in a straight line for a couple miles before making a single left crossing at the barracks. It should be smooth sailing, right?

~~~Spy~~~

“That girl,” muttered Klevar with wide eyes, forgetting his act of reading the paper as he tried to hone his sight back onto the out of place girl. The Republican spy may have lost her in the crowd, but that brief sight along with a subtle spike of mana in the air…

Amontillado calmly stood up from his bench, folding his paper neatly as he then nestled it comfortably in the crook of his arm. He then began his calculated pursuit. He didn't want to assume a little girl of such heinous crimes as that devil, but with how similar the devil was described to look like her, it was a hunch that he had to investigate. It was unfortunate, but that was simply the fault of his line of work and those vile Dachshunds for corrupting an innocent child.

The spy maneuvered through the sea of people to get to the intersection, only pausing to wait for the light to turn green. If there was any bright side to this situation, he was secretly hoping it would be a quick procedure to ask the girl some questions and be on his way. Yet, if she resisted or the lord forbid be the Devil of the Rhine… Klevar could feel his fists clench at his sides.

He only hoped god would once again forgive him for his actions that may come to pass.

~~~K~~~

“Woooooooah! I’ve never seen so many humans in one place before!” gawked the little pink ball, trying his absolute best to keep his promise by not busting out and saying hello to everyone. But wow, wow, wow! Even looking out of the backpack’s tiny opening, this place still looked much bigger when he wasn’t high up. “Everyone’s so tall! The people, the buildings! Ah, wait what's that sound? It sounds like theres race cars out there!! How cool is this place?!?” squealed the star warrior, his eyes filled with stars and awe at how cool this world seemed to be.

Tanya had stopped for a while but now she was moving again so Kirby could see the wires above their heads. Some had lights some red, some yellow and even a green one. “No way! I’m so right!! This place has to be just like Mr.Falcon’s world. Everyone zooming around and having fun together!” Kirby couldn’t help but smile at all the cool games they could play together. “I wonder if their cars are as fast as the Blue Falcon? If they are it’d be a super awesome race to watch!”

Unaware to the pink warrior however, Tanya was growing more and more tense with every step she took. There was someone potentially dangerous trailing behind them. Both the girl and the dangerous man sensing each other out in this tense game of tag they played in the crowd.

~~~T~~~

“Shit! Who the hell is behind me!? ” stewed the former salary man, keeping up the same walking speed she had before she noticed the other presence, one that stood out from the crowd. This person was strong and kept steadily close to her despite the sea of people that churned around them. She felt herself unconsciously gulp as this person was only a light jog away from her. “No!” she chastised herself, forcing her pounding heart to calm down and think about this logically.

See, to those either born with or trained to possess a strong pool of mana, they would let out a constant leak of mana into the air around them. One that even if they trained their whole lives to suppress such a natural sensation, it would only hinder the signal, never erasing it entirely. To normal citizens, who have never had proper training to harness their latent potential, this leakage would be entirely untraceable. It would be as difficult for them to feel this force as it is for you or I to sense the individual molecules that perpetually exist around us.

However…

If one is trained with such a vital skill, let us say for example, a certain spy and soldier, then they would be able to sense such a leak of mana like it is an innate feeling in their gut. An intuition if you will.

This sixith sense can be boosted incredibly if such individuals have access to magical artifacts such as a computation jewel. With this boost to one's power and thinking, the beings who wield such power can complete miracles such as sensing magical attacks, people, and be able to dodge them all even kilometers away. It is even said that one can even sense the ill intent of another if one is capable enough.

Yet unfortunately for this game of cat and mouse…

Neither of them currently have access to such a device, and as such, neither of them knows if the other person is a friend or a foe…

~~~Spy~~~

“Now then, how should I pull her aside ?” analyzed the spy. He now had the girl in his sight and was trying his best to do so without getting too close, at least for now that is. He put his hands in his pocket as he kept brushing shoulders with people, his paper long since deposited into his trenchcoat along with more dangerous items. “Hrm, damn she really is small, I keep having to move all over the place just to keep an eye on her,” he sighed, his earlier vengeful fire extinguished with a dull shame.

Here he was, a decorated veteran of one of the very first recon teams sent into this meatgrinder of a war now walking after a little school girl like a complete creep. He exhaled out of his nose and suppressed a laugh. “Ah if only my dad could see the line of work I got drafted into. I wonder how badly he’d beat me? Maybe even throw me through the wall again,” he mused humorously.

But no, he couldn’t let his guard down. Although unbelievable, the Devil of the Rhine has been documented many times over doing things no girl should be able to do. Each feat of hers becoming more bold and more dangerous than the last to the point where that blonde hell demon had become a boogieman to all in her way, a story to scare men straight for their laziness.

He didn’t personally believe every story was true, that was at least, until news of what happened to their newest alley came to light. The mere thought made him frown and furrow his brows, because if the final reports from his comrades were true, her battalion was in this very city.

“Which means there’s a chance this could be her,” he thought, his right hand tensing over the knife stored in his coat.

But then again, what were the chances right? What were the chances that this schoolgirl could be a mass murderer? It was low, and unfortunately not impossible. He had to pull her aside while not blowing his cover, he just needed to think up a way to do so…

~~~T~~~

“Okay, think Tanya think. Lay out your options nice and easy for yourself,” she repeated to herself, mentally picturing her plans as if she were back in the war room.

“Option one, you turn around and see who it is.
Pros, if it’s a soldier, commander, or even some rando, I’m in the clear and can just go on my way without this paranoia hanging over me.
Cons, if it is a spy behind me, this could enable them to confirm that I am a soldier of the empire. This could lead to them catching me off guard the second I’m out of the crowd, thus leading to my death and thus by default giving Kirby away to the enemies.
I think this option’s a dud. If Rudersdorf had time to explain my tragic grandmother backstory, and give me a stupid dress to wear, I’m sure he’d explain if I had someone looking out for me or not, even if he is sleep deprived.”

Tanya mentally crossed out that plan with a big red ‘X’ and moved on to the next plan.

“Option two, I try and find out myself by making four right turns in a row, thus allowing me to act of my own accord if they follow me.
Pros, with the way we’re positioned on the street, three right turns would lead us into an alleyway. This would allow me to ambush them in order to potentially disarm and or neutralize them depending on their resistance. The brass could always use more info from spies, especially since they already executed two of them.
Cons, it’s entirely up to chance. If I wasn’t wearing this stupid fucking schoolgirl uniform, I would be able to rely on my superior computation jewel to overpower them, even if they were armed with a gun. But without that, I only have to rely on what I can draw out of my body along with whatever calculations I can pull out of my ass mid brawl. Maybe I could use my surroundings to obtain a weapon, but that’s too hypothetical to be made into a sound victory.”

Tanya wasn’t sure about this one, having too many positives and negatives to rule out as simply as the previous one. She ultimately decided to let it be as a backup in case she couldn’t come up with anything better. So she moved on to the last option that was on her mind.

“And finally option-”

~~~Spy~~~

“-Number three,” pondered Klevar in a very similar manner to how Tanya was right now. Through unlike her, he was wishing he smoked a death stick or two before taking a long walk. It was getting annoying how he had to keep gulping down yawns. “I just go in front of her, ” he thought as he rubbed his graying stubble. “This will lead to one of two actions…” 

“Starting with the most likely, if she is innocent, she won’t notice what I’m trying to do since I’ll just be another person in the crowd. And then (even if it is uncomfortable), I can strike up a conversation with her,” his thoughts suddenly stalled out, feeling a bit embarrassed. “ If I still know how to talk to kids. Sheesh, yeah I haven’t talked with someone that young since I saw my niece and nephew before the war. I guess I have to hope I’m not too off with my words. Ugh, the last thing I want is to get killed from looking like a perv of all things.”

“But this will lead to the second variable. If it is the Devil of the Rhine, I’m sure I can discern it out of her if we talk long enough. I know a killer when I see one, and then I’ll have to take her aside, try to get the most out of her before I…”

He dapped his eyes, quickly drying them from the mental image of his little relatives. “She’s not the same as them. You do what you must,” he thought. It thankfully only took a few seconds for the wave of sadness to dry up as he took his hands out of his pockets, keeping them at the ready.

“Alright then,” he muttered, increasing his pace to push past the sea. “Please don’t be that devil, girl.”

~~~T~~~

Tanya felt all of her hair stand on end, that pressure suddenly getting closer to her much to her displeasure. “Come on! I wasn’t done planning you asshole,” she fumed to herself. “Fine, I guess I don’t have much of a choice,” she breathed, increasing the amount of mana that flowed into her muscles.

She then began to hug the right side of the sidewalk until she was able to make her first of three right turns.

~~~Spy~~~

Klevar frowned, gritting his teeth under his lips as he saw the delicate little girl make a right turn for the first time this whole trip. “So you chose the third option,” he breathed out. 

He allowed his mana to flow through his body as well as allowing his hand to move inside his trenchcoat. Clasping a knife firmly in his hold.

~~~T~~~

Tanya frowned as well. She felt her heart pumping rapidly again, sending her flight or fight into overdrive. It was almost time and she just hoped this person didn’t follow her as she made her second right turn.

~~~Spy~~~

“I guess I should’ve just trusted my gut,” spoke the man, his eyes laser focused on his target as he made a second right turn onto a street with barely any people. “This is the end you devil,” he nearly shouted, increasing his pace as he nearly jogged at her.

~~~T~~~

Tanya was already in a jog but quickly morphed it into a mana aided sprint that kicked up a small amount of dust behind her. She then at last sharply turned into her last right turn, ending up in the exact place she wanted, a dead end alleyway with nothing but trash and discarded junk, far far away from the bustling main street.

Her eyes instantly picked up on a rusty metal pipe, the only thing sturdy enough that was in her reach. She picked it up, feeling the dilapidated metal cool her hands as she clung to the wall, waiting for this bastard spy to round the corner.

~~~~~~

Klevar had his army knife out in the open as he turned the corner.

Tanya grinned wickedly as she lifted the pipe up like a rusted club.

They both saw each other at the same moment, both of them moving at each other at the peak of human speed.

Weapons drawn for the kill…

With his power, he imbued the blade with all his mana-!
With her power, she imbued the pipe with all her mana-!

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雷And Hit True!!!雷

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The two makeshift mage blades clashed together like true greatswords of a long gone era. They caused such a powerful metallic ring, that they would put a cathedral’s bells to shame.

Tanya was the first to be sent back, the force causing her small body to go airborne further back into the alleyway. She braced her legs as she landed soundly on her feet, sliding further in as she pulled dirt and grime up in a shoe traced mark.

Klevar was pushed back into the light of the road, making a similar mark on the ground that Tanya had. He still stood and still walked, clearly not finished with this Devil of the Rhine.

Without words being exchanged, Tanya began to walk towards the rotten spy, her grin still as wide as ever. It didn’t matter if he was older, it didn’t matter if he was taller, and didn’t even matter if he was stronger. None of that mattered because she knew without a shadow of a doubt, that by the end of the day, he’d be dead.

And so they walked.
For those they’ve wronged.
And so they ran.
For those they’ve-!

The man roared, stabbing his knife forward towards her heart. She dodged it easily, doing so by letting gravity pull her small body under the stab, causing his weapon to sail harmlessly over her head as he lost his footing.

The major grinned wickedly, taking the chance to cock back her pipe to hit ribs in time with his forward fall. Yet the man recovered just as swiftly, twisting his hips to give his right leg enough force to kick the girl right in the temple. Tanya just barely noticed the kick in time, her mana charged thinking already going at full force as she raised the pipe between her head and the spy’s leather loafers.

But that kick was immensely strong, sending her whole body sliding on the greasy alley floor into the hard brick and mortar that lined the walls back first. It should’ve hurt a lot more with how fast she was going, but something soft and squishy pushed against her back, taking in all the force.

She didn’t have time to think though as her body told her to dodge, doing so as she tilted her head in the nick of time to avoid a knee driving its way through her skull. Despite the knee being strong enough to chip a hole in the wall, the Republican wouldn’t stop there. With Tanya still on the ground, he decided to stomp on her ribs and limbs in an attempt to disable her.

Yet she wouldn’t let this happen so easily. Each time his foot slammed on the ground, it would be timed equally with Tanya squirming her way around it. Again and again, she managed to avoid being crushed but now she was facing the problem of running out of room to back out of, the end of the alleyway coming up quickly with no easy path of escape. Tanya glanced back and saw the wall was lined with trash cans giving her an idea. 

Reaching out her hand, she grabbed a pile of ash that belonged to the smoldered remains of cigars and threw the gray dust as hard as she could into the man’s face. 

Klevar howled in pain, his eyes suddenly burning as dust and soot coated his whole body. He couldn't help but falter back, rubbing his eyes profusely to try and get it out. Was she trying to escape?

Tanya took the chance to get back onto her feet, reaching out now for the lid of a trashcan. She riskily reinforced the lid, spreading her already thinned reserves out even more as she held the makeshift shield up and charged.

Klevar barely made out the loud stomping, his vision still a blurry mess as he felt the force of a small car slam right into his chest causing the wind to be knocked out of him, hacking up spews of blood. Yet he tanked the blow that would kill a normal man, still standing despite the pain as he swung his knife wildly around whatever hit him.

She smiled through the pain, doing so to stifle a gasp of pain as the wild knife swung rabidly across her forearms causing tears all over her sleeves that were leaking red. One had even got her shoulder and cheek, as she had enough of this rat. “Just die already!” roared Tanya, stomping on his foot as she pushed back against him with all her might.

“Shit! ” panicked the spy, feeling himself lose his balance as he started the fall backward. His sight was still in shambles, but if her foot was on his then her legs must be…

“Gah!” screamed Tanya, more surprised than hurt as a burly leg swept both of her’s off the ground, causing her to go airborne for the second time. Unfortunately, she wasn’t as fortunate as she landed belly first into the ground her head soon following as it bounced off the filthy alley. This knocked both the wind and her weapons out of her.

Even more unfortunately, she was fighting someone rather nimble as instead of falling on his back like she had hoped, the man rolled into it causing him to go back on his feet while she was on the ground.

The Republican saw his chance as he charged at the vile devil, knife raised to the sky to strike her down. “This the end! You Rhine Devil!!” he roared bringing down his mage blade to end this madness once and for all.

“I need to move!” she screamed to her body, panicking for the first time this whole fight, “I need to move or else I’ll-!”

*Fidget*
*Fidget*
*Fidget*

“HEEEEEEEEE-!!” The backpack was torn open easily as Kirby jumped into the air with a look of absolute determination, putting himself directly between the man and his friend Tanya. Before Tanya, much less the man had any time to react, Kirby lifted a single red foot and kicked the man's wrist with a triumphant, “-YAAAAAW!!”

The force behind the kick was so great that not only was the knife sent flying into the sky (maybe even space) at an insane speed, but it was also enough to break all of the bones in the man’s wrist with a loud crack.

“Ahhhhhhh!!!” howled the spy in agony as he clutched his limp wrist as well as falling to the ground rear first. Tanya just blinked, watched from the filth in absolute shock, completely frozen stiff as Kirby softly touched down in this deserted place.

Klevar couldn’t even process what had happened. One second he was about to finish the fight, the next he was in agonizing pain. The pain was so brutal he couldn’t even open his already sore eyes, he just tried in vain to fix the shattered bones in his wrist as tears poured down his face. Just what had that devil done to him!?

The pink ball glared at the bad guy. How dare he hurt his new friend like that! He turned back to Tanya and frowned his frown even more. She looked so scared! She was sprawled out on the ground, her body all cut up and yucky and uggggh! How could he! How could he!! How could he!!!

Tanya blinked as she felt something grab her arm, helping her sit up as she winced. Once she shakily looked up, she saw that pint sized ball of smiles staring back at her. The same one that was messing around at the windowsill, the same one who just effortlessly sent a grown man falling to the ground with a broken wrist. It felt so surreal. Had her head always been pounding like this? Had her heart always been beating this fast??

“Heya, hrm, so ah…” faltered the pink boy, feeling awful about waiting so long “Sorrwe abouta, letting you get hurt like that,” he smiled hoping it would make her feel a little better. “I wheel make yew feel betta aftta I get rid ah this bad guy. Okay,” he promised hopefully, all the while the man was still screaming and crying on the ground.

“G-get rid, of… bad guy?” she stuttered, her mind slowing down even more for some reason, like it was preparing for something bad to happen… was she getting chills?

Kirby nodded cheerfully, being glad she got it. “Thats ah rights!” he chirped, giving her a playful wink that wasn’t reciprocated. This was all while the man was pleading for the pain to go away.

Then, like it was something normal, like something as simple as breathing to him, Kirby turned away from her towards the bad guy. And then…

Kirby opened his mouth…

And then her brain shut itself off, or more accurately, her brain chose to block out those memories. So she wouldn’t have to think about how sick it made her.

She had no idea how long she was sitting there, staring off into space, but when she did come back, she got a face full of Kirby, his little nubs on her shoulder as he shook her violently.

“Tanya! Tanya! Tanya! Wake up!” shouted Kirby in his childlike voice, sounding different for some reason. He smiled with relief as he saw her eyes get their focus back. 

“Wha, what happened?” she slurred at first, clutching her head. She was thankful that the feeling was fading quickly. “Where’d the spy go?” she asked, looking around at the surprisingly clean alleyway.

Kirby smiled and then hugged her for some strange reason she couldn’t quite process yet. “Don’t worry, that bad guy is all gone!” he said and that’s when Tanya realized it.

Despite her mind still recovering from the presumed drawback of using a rushed mental enhancement spell, she had still caught that. 

Kirby had spoken in the same language as the empire.

“But wow, why does Kirby feel so soft ?” she thought, sidetracked instantly as she was in awe. Unconsciously, Tanya rested her head against the top of his head, purring at how unimaginably soft he was. “How have I not realized this sooner?” she muttered out loud, wrapping her arms around him in a hug of her own. She closed her eyes and sighed as they embraced for a long while. “Oh my gosh, it feels like I’m dreaming,”  groaned the major, unwitting close to falling asleep until Kirby pulled away. 

She didn’t notice that she whined when he left. And could you blame her? He was just so goddamn soft and… bloody? 

“What?” uttered Tanya out loud. She looked down at her arms and saw how bloody they were underneath her sleeves. She looked at her legs and winced at the shades of purple and blue they turned into. “Maybe I shouldn’t have looked,” she frowned already feeling the pain start to grow worse.

Kirby noticed the blood on himself but simply shook it away like a dog, working strangely effectively as all of the red was miraculously off his pink body without a single stain. “Don’t worry about it. Let me heal you,” smiled Kirby as he waddled over to her.

“Thank you, I’m glad your species has a way of-, Ah! Hey! Hold on a second! Why are you getting on my legs!? No wait stop! Back up or I-!” she protested too late, her cheeks turning red at what he was doing.

Because for the first time in her second life, Tanya had her first kiss. And she was at a loss not only because it was so unexpected, but also because this little pink guy who was standing on her legs was so damn good at making out.

And don’t get her wrong, in her first life she wasn't a slouch when it came to getting out there. So a kiss shouldn’t have been that big of a deal, especially without the hormones to make it… y-you know. 

Despite that though, Kirby was doing amazingly at it, like he had done this so many times before her. It was warm, sweet, and tender in a way that reminded her of the hug she just had with him. 

Not that she would ever tell another soul, but Tanya couldn’t help but close her eyes and lean in. It was amazing yes, especially his tongue. She didn’t even know he had a tongue but by the texture, it had to be. It was warm and… soft? 

“That’s odd? Why is it so soft?” she wondered to herself as she kept kissing back, as it just kept going further and further into her mouth. It sounded hot, but only when finally Kirby pulled away was she able to realize what was still in her mouth-!

“IT’S BAARF!!”

All at once she was overwhelmed with emotion. Sadness, depression, and anger coursed through her veins as did the vile barf in her mouth that slowly fell down her throat. “I’m gonna fucking hurl,” she sobbed to herself with a hand over her mouth. She managed to stumble to her feet, aiming for any of the trash cans to unload at.

Unfortunately for Tanya however, her body wouldn't even make it that far as just when she was so close to the trash, her body gave up on her pursuit. She collapsed on her hands and knees, puking a never ending stream of barf onto the ground in front of her.

Kirby looked scared as she puked her guts out on the ground. He didn’t know why she was acting like this, everyone back home was completely fine with having his healing. Where did he go wrong? Did humans really think humans tasted that- “Ooooooh, oh no,” realized the star warrior in horror at what he fed to her.

Kirby felt awful about what he did to his newest friend. But at this point, all he could do was waddle up to her carefully and slowly pat her on the back to help her get it all out. 

So there they were as she vomited for a long, long, looooooong while…