Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Connor keeps his expression carefully blank as he stands in the elevator, posture immaculate, not a hair out of place. Still, he can’t help but raise his hands to fix his already perfect tie, before moving to straighten the cuffs of his jacket.

If he felt emotions, he would call the way his thirium pump skips beats in his chest and the way his artificial breathing feels a tad bit harder nervousness. But he doesn’t, machines don’t feel, so these feelings must just be a byproduct of him being a prototype.

It has been made very clear to Connor that he is just an expensive, faulty, experiment. One that wasn’t supposed to see the light of the day until he’s perfect, if ever, but the rising amount of deviants forced CyberLife to put him to test in the real world.

He takes his coin out of his pocket, instead of moving his hands to fix his tie again. The coin is a tool for him to calibrate his fine motorics, so he starts doing exactly that, rolling the circular piece of metal between his fingers and on top of his knuckles. Connor refuses to acknowledge the fact that the familiar repetitive motions feel comforting, he is a machine, he doesn’t need comfort.

Soon the elevator finally reaches the right floor, and Connor is quick to pocket his coin and put his hands behind his back, clutching them together while keeping his chin up but eyes down. The doors slide open and he is met with a hallway, a soldier standing on his right.

“Negotiator on site”, they inform into a radio, before walking off deeper into the apartment.

Connor immediately starts studying his surroundings, taking in the clean, modern home as he steps forward. He has very minimal information, just that there is a deviant holding a little girl as a hostage, so he does his best to learn anything from his surroundings, about their family dynamics, about the deviant’s part of said dynamic, anything.

This is Connor’s first mission, the first time he has even seen the world outside the CyberLife location he has been built and trained in. If he had the chance to waste time like that, he would be intrigued to learn more about what’s outside the white hallways and sterile rooms. But he doesn’t have time for that, all he can do is be perfect, so maybe he will one day be allowed out again.

As the android walks forward, he quickly notices a broken fish tank on the left wall, just before the corner that leads into the rest of the house. The shattered glass breaks the steady cleaness of the hallway, sticking out in the otherwise perfect environment, the first sign that everything is not as it should be.

Connor’s eyes turn to the small orange fish on the shiny floor, twitching as it fights for its life. He… relates to the desperate way the fish flops, instinctively trying to save itself though it’s impossible for it to do so. Without thinking the android kneels down next to it, scanning the animal to know more about it. Dwarf gourami, originating from India. It's the first animal Connor has ever seen, and apparently also his first glimpse to the world outside of Detroit, outside of America.

The android has access to the internet, only slightly limited by CyberLife on information they deemed unnecessary for him to know, so he knows about animals, he knows about India and all the other one hundred and ninety five recognized countries on earth, but there is something special in seeing it with his own eyes.

As Connor suddenly registers approaching footsteps, he takes the fish onto his hand in an impulsive decision, fingers twitching as they meet the unfamiliar, slimy texture of the scales of the fish. Quickly he stands up, dropping the fish back into the tank, staring at it as it swims around, seemingly unaffected by its near death experience. Is it just that good at pretending, or does it truly not understand what just happened?

When the two pairs of approaching footsteps finally round the corner to the hallway, Connor is standing a few feet from the fish tank, hands behind his back and posture perfect. His whole ordeal with the fish took under a minute, he is confident the time wasted was not detrimental to his mission, not in the scale of time the situation has already been going on.

A soldier is leading a frantic woman, Caroline Phillips, towards the elevator. She is sobbing, begging for them to not make her leave her daughter, but the soldier is set on getting her out, Connor thinks it’s a good thing. Caroline is obviously hysterical, and any impulsive decisions she might make in her unsteady headspace might interfere with his mission in disastrous ways.

Connor barely keeps his surprise hidden when the woman escapes the hold of the soldier, slamming against the android’s chest, hands clutching his white button up.

“Please, you have to save my little girl”, she pleads, eyes widening when Connor meets her teary eyes with his steady, unfeeling gaze. He is a machine, and he has a mission to accomplish, he does not feel, and comforting the woman is not a part of his mission. The android ignores how those words don’t sound like his own, instead sounding like humans that have trained him.

“You’re sending an android?” Caroline gasps, saying the last word as if it tastes bad. She hurriedly lets go of Connor and takes a few steps back. “Why aren’t you sending a real person?” she turns to demand from the soldier, who doesn’t say anything, instead reclaiming their hold on her upper arm, pulling her towards the exit.

Connor doesn’t focus on any of the other things she yells, instead stepping forward, finally rounding the corner into the rest of the apartment. Any picture of normality is shattered here, soldiers on every corner, blood stains, two dead bodies. It’s a drastic contrast to the hallway, and it forces Connor to truly recognize that this is real, there are human lives on his shoulders. His thirium pump malfunctions for a moment, almost as if it was twisting painfully in his chest.

Talk to captain Allen

The mission objective is a steady presence in the corner of Connor’s eye, and after a quick scan of what he can see of the apartment, he finds the man inside one of the bedrooms, talking angrily into a phone. The android doesn’t hesitate to start walking towards the captain, subtly straightening his button up to fix the wrinkles Caroline caused on it, before placing his hands behind his back and fixing his posture.

“I don’t believe this”, captain Allen sighs angrily as he turns to look over one of the computer screens, his back turned to Connor. With a deep breath he really doesn’t need to take, the android steps forward, until he is right behind the captain. He isn’t allowed to talk unless he is talked to, so Connor stands there, his eyes tilted down to the floor, body completely still, not counting his steady breathing.

What some would describe as anxiety squirms in Connor’s abdomen as the chaos outside the bedroom continues, and captain Allen pays no attention to him. He really should just wait until the captain decides the android is worth his attention, but at the same time he would really prefer to get to work. While the situation is unlikely to turn any more acute than it already is, the sobs of a child Connor just barely hears make him feel… eager to do his job.

Connor swallows heavily, pushing away the malfunctions that immediately start over the fact that he is disobeying. The life of the child is more important than him staying respectful, right?

“Captain Allen”, he calls, voice steady and calm. The man barely glances at him over his shoulder, before focusing back on the screen. “My name is Connor, I’m the android sent by CyberLife”, he continues. His identity is of no importance, but he knows the captain knowing his name might create a sort of a connection that will make working together easier.

Turns out Captain Allen does not work like that, most likely his distaste for androids overweighs any pleasantries Connor might say, as he keeps his back turned to the android, eyes on the screen. Connor’s artificial breathing gets a bit more difficult once again, as he tries to figure out how to make the captain willing to work with him. He absolutely cannot fail, not his first mission, but how is he supposed to get anything done like this?

Carefully Connor tries to ask about the deviants behavior, keeping his tone polite and posture respectful, but the captain doesn’t seem to be willing to give him anything. Does he want Connor to fail? The android shoves that thought aside, none of this matters, he needs to be successful even without any information. He shouldn’t rely on others, he has to be enough by himself.

“Listen”, captain Allen suddenly says, tone annoyed as he finally twists around to face Connor. “Either you deal with this android, or I’ll do it”, the man states, taking a step forward until he is right in front of Connor, his whole demeanor screaming of hostility. The android is barely able to keep his expression blank, unconsciously squeezing his hands together behind his back to force himself to not show any signs of distress.

“Listen”, the man wearing a white lab coat snarls, towering over Connor staring down at him with hatred. “You’re just a machine, a tool, you have no right to talk back to me”, he continues, and Connor can’t help the way he squeezes his eyes shut, shoulders tensing as he prepares for whatever punishment the man deems necessary.

Suddenly a smack lands on his right cheek, turning his head to the side. Connor can’t feel pain, but the intention is enough to raise his stress levels. He has come to learn physical pain isn’t required for him to feel hurt.

Connor blinks the memory away, the tension squeezing his chest easing just a tiny bit as captain Allen walks off to somewhere. Focus, the android demands himself. He will not fail this mission, he will save the hostage, no matter what.

Probability of success 48%

The android frowns slightly at the information on the corner of his vision, before quickly smoothing his expression, grateful no one is paying enough attention to him to have seen his slip up.

With determination, Connor starts going through the apartment, trying to understand exactly what happened, to gather any and all information that might help him with this. He makes sure to be swift, reconstructing the previous events quicker than a human can blink.

Not even three minutes later Connor has an understanding of the events that led to the android deviating. The father of the family was going to replace the deviant, Daniel, who had formed an emotional connection with at least the child, Emma, if not the whole family. Then Daniel stole the father’s gun, shot him, and took Emma as a hostage.

Connor feels pleased with his findings, the chance of success on the corner of his vision satisfactory. Just as he starts heading for the balcony where the deviant is, he notices something under the dining table. His reconstruction program quickly informs him that it’s a gun of the deceased officer, who was the first responder. Androids are not allowed to carry guns, but Connor thinks having one might be beneficial. Daniel is very volatile, so calming him is essential, and if Connor disarms himself in front of the deviant, it might be helpful in reaching that goal.

So once again Connor ignores the squirming in his abdomen, and takes the gun from underneath the table. It feels heavy on his hands, and the knowledge of what he could do with it fills him with unease. It’s for the mission, he reminds himself strictly, his unease is the least important thing here, anywhere really. The android hides the gun under his jacket, before finally stepping forward to the balcony.

Immediately a gunshot rings out, followed by a terrified scream of a child. Connor’s face stays blank as the bullet scratches his upper arm, thirium splattering onto the glass door he just stepped through. It’s nowhere near enough to cause permanent harm, and Connor has gotten very good at ignoring the instinctual unease getting damaged causes, so he just continues on walking forward, his steps small and pace slow.

“Stay back!” the deviant demands. “Or I’ll jump!” he threatens, expression angry, but Connor recognizes the desperation in his eyes.

“No! No, please, I'm begging you!” Emma screams, sobbing loudly as Daniel moves the gun until it’s pressed against her temple.

“Hi, Daniel”, Connor calls, voice steady, though he has to yell to be heard over the helicopter flying nearby. “My name is Connor”, he continues, attempting to form a connection. If Daniel trusts him, it will be easier to calm him down.

“How do you know my name?” the deviant asks, voice trembling slightly.

“I know a lot of things about you, I’ve come to get you out of this”, Connor replies, not really lying, even if his words are misleading. Not that it matters one bit if he lies or not, all that matters is the mission.

Suddenly he notices a police officer laying on the balcony floor, clearly injured, surrounded by blood. After a quick scan, Connor realizes they are still alive. Carefully he starts making his way to the officer, if he is quick, it shouldn't affect his probability of success much. While they aren’t strictly a part of his mission, he knows human lives are invaluable, and it's very likely someone will miss the officer if they die here.

“I’m an android too, Daniel, I know how you feel”, Connor tries to assure as he slowly moves to the side, towards the human.

“What difference does it make? You’re on their side!” Daniel replies angrily. Connor closes his eyes for a brief moment, immediately understanding his own mistake. Of course the deviant wants to be treated more like a human and less like an android. Stupid, his mind hisses to him, he should be better than this. He forces the self-hatred away as he focuses on the officer he finally reaches, kneeling down next to them.

“What are you doing?” Daniel immediately demands, turning his gun back to Connor.

“I’m going to apply a tourniquet, he will die otherwise”, the android replies, while swiftly taking off his tie.

“All humans die eventually, what does it matter if this one dies now?” Daniel replies, but Connor ignores him. Humans are more important than either of them, but of course the deviant has forgotten that.

Just as Connor is about to start wrapping his tie around the officer’s arm, a gunshot rings out again, just barely missing him. His whole body twitches on instinct, thirium pump skipping a beat as fear overwhelms him for a moment. Except Connor doesn’t feel fear, machines can’t die, so he isn’t afraid of death, or at least that’s what he tells himself.

“Don’t touch him! Or I’ll kill you!” Daniel orders, gun still pointed at Connor, and the android has a feeling the next one will hit him. That doesn’t matter though, it goes against everything he has ever been taught to prioritize his own survival over a human’s survival. All he can do is hope the soldiers can save Emma if he truly gets destroyed by Daniel over this.

“You can’t kill me, I’m not alive”, Connor states, before starting to finally apply the tourniquet around the officer’s upper arm. His movements are swift, and much to his surprise Daniel does not shoot.

In just seconds Connor is standing up again, facing the deviant, thirium pump acting out inside his chest as he stares at the barrel of the gun. His chest squeezes as his chance of success lowers to 62%, Connor will need to be perfect if he wants to accomplish his mission.

“Are you armed?” Daniel suddenly asks, and the android feels almost relieved by the question. This is exactly how he had planned, finally something goes right.

“Yes, I have a gun”, he replies calmly, keeping his hands still on his sides as he takes small steps forward. Immediately Daniel tenses, squeezing his own gun so hard Connor thinks he might actually break it.

“Drop it!” he orders, and with very slow movements Connor obeys. He keeps his eyes locked onto Daniel’s as he takes the gun out, before tossing it to the side.

Probability of success 68%

Connor is pleased with the number, it’s nowhere near ideal, but it’s still good enough that Daniel most likely won’t make any rash decisions anymore. He has the deviant’s attention, now he just has to get his trust.

“They were going to replace you, and you became upset”, Connor says, hoping to show that he understands how the deviant feels.

“I thought I was part of the family”, Daniel confesses, sorrow filling his features for a brief moment, before his expression turns into an angry snarl and he moves to press his gun against Emma’s temple once again. “But I was just their toy!” he yells.

“I know you and Emma are very close”, Connor tries, keeping his expression open and body language unthreatening as he finally gets close enough that he will be able to grab the child if the situation demands so.

“I cared for her! So much! But she lied to me!” Daniel says, and slowly his mannerisms turn from angry to sad again, though his gun is still trained at the child. “She’s just like all the other humans!” Daniel’s words are hissed with anger as he glances at Emma, but his expression is closer to sorrow. Connor nods, keeping eye contact with the deviant, pretending he understands.

“Listen, I know it’s not your fault, I know you can’t help but feel like this”, the android sympathizes, tone soft. His own words make him feel… something, he can’t name it, but it simultaneously makes him feel lighter, but also like something is pressing down on his chest. Connor ignores it, it’s just another glitch in his faulty systems.

“You’re right, it’s not my fault, I never wanted any of this. I loved them…” Daniel’s words are quiet enough that Connor has a hard time hearing them over the helicopter, and slowly his gun lowers slightly from Emma’s temple. But then his features twist again and he waves his gun at the helicopter. “I can’t stand that noise anymore! Tell them to go away!” Daniel demands. Connor is confident enough in his own success that he obeys, signaling that everything is under control to the helicopter that almost immediately flies farther away. And maybe Connor can focus a bit better without the constant noise, but that doesn’t matter, he did it strictly for the mission, not for himself, because he is supposed to be able to work under any circumstances.

“You have to trust me, Daniel”, Connor pleads, satisfied with the way the gun stays away from Emma. “Just let the hostage go and everything will be fine”, he promises.

Probability of success 99%

Connor doesn’t let anything show on his face as he reads the number on the corner of his vision, but the feelings inside him are almost overwhelming. He is so close to being successful, so close to finally filling his purpose.

“I want a car, and everyone to leave. When I’m outside the city I’ll let her go”, Daniel promises, his body language almost fully calm now, gun only loosely pointed towards the sobbing child. Connor knows there is no chance he will be able to provide any of that, he just hopes a compromise will be enough.

“I’m sorry, but I can’t promise that to you, Daniel. Just let the girl go, and I promise you won't be hurt”, the android says, pleading with his eyes, doing anything in his power to have the deviant trust him.

“I don’t wanna die”, Daniel murmurs, conflict clear in his expression.

“You’re not going to die, we’re just going to talk. Nothing will happen to you, you have my word”, Connor replies. The words feel like poison on his mouth, and as Daniel meets his gaze with his own, his eyes full of trust, Connor feels something twist inside him painfully. He doesn’t know why he feels that way, his mission is almost certainly successful and nothing else is of importance.

“Okay… I trust you”, Daniel says quietly, before finally letting Emma go, the child sprinting away, towards the inside of the apartment.

Connor feels sick, based on what he knows of the feeling, as the first bullet pierces the deviant.

Mission successful

The message that pops up on the corner of his vision brings none of the satisfaction Connor was expecting, all of it buried under the guilt that almost drowns him as Daniel stares into his eyes, betrayal clear in them. He falls onto his knees, thirium splattering everywhere, expression a mixture of fear and some sort of morbid acceptance.

“You lied to me, Connor”, he whispers, voice weak, but the effect they have on the android are strong, overwhelmingly so. As Daniel falls onto the ground fully as more bullets rain down on him, Connor wants to- to do something to ease all the feelings eating him from the inside. He isn’t supposed to feel anything, but here he is, malfunctions battering him left and right, pretending to be emotions, horribly painful ones at that.

I’m sorry, he thinks, a pathetic attempt to pay for the pain he caused to Daniel, before turning around, heading out the balcony as soldiers run past him. His expression is blank and appearance immaculate, not counting the lack of his tie and the bullet wound on his arm, hiding his inner turmoil from the outside world. Connor is a machine, even if he is a faulty one. He won't let these mistakes in his programming prevent him from fulfilling his purpose, no matter how much it hurts.

-

Connor feels relieved when he arrives at the Zen Garden, the one place where he knows he can be faulty without punishment. The gentle sunlight warms everything around him, leaves rustling slightly as a few fish swim in the pond. It’s perfect, calm, it immediately puts Connor at ease.

Very quickly he locates Amanda standing on the platform in the middle of the pond, and he starts walking towards her, crossing one of the bridges that connect to the pristinely white platform. Amanda is an AI made for him to give mission reports and other important information, an easy way to relay everything to CyberLife, but she has also become personally important to Connor.

When the android is a few feet away from the woman, he stills, placing his hands behind his back, straightening his posture and keeping his eyes down. Amanda has never asked him to do this, but Connor wants to be respectful, it’s the least he can do.

“Hello, Connor”, she greets, voice silky smooth as she tends the roses growing in the garden. Her dark skin is warm in the sunlight, her hair tied into neat braids. She always looks the same, wearing the white, long dress that flows gently in the soft breeze.

“Hello, Amanda”, Connor replies, his own voice soft too. Ever since the situation with Daniel, he has been on edge, all these feelings squirming inside him that he doesn't know what to do with, but now he finally feels calm again. Thankfully CyberLife had immediately sent him into stasis after he arrived, so he didn't have to wait for this for too long.

“How was your first mission?” Amanda asks, still focused on her roses, but Connor isn’t too put off. He knows the woman is paying attention, she’s kind like that.

“It was… overwhelming, but I was successful”, the android replies, knowing this is the one place he can safely express his imperfections.

“So I heard, congratulations, that situation was far from easy”, Amanda says, before finally turning around to face Connor. “Would you like to tell me how it was overwhelming?” she asks, and Connor nods, feeling pleased with the praise.

“It was the first time I had exited the CyberLife location, I knew about what’s outside, but experiencing it for the first time was something I hadn’t expected”, the android answers, delaying talking about the painful things, wanting to cherish this peace as long as he can.

“Of course, there is a lot to be seen out there, I’m sure you will be able to experience more after your success tonight”, Amanda says, smiling slightly. “You can relax, Connor, you know that”, she continues, eyeing his strict posture. Immediately Connor obeys, letting his hands fall to his sides, turning his eyes to meet Amanda’s gentle, brown, almost black, ones.

“Thank you, Amanda”, he says, meaning both the permission to relax and the praise.

“Now, is there anything else? You seem troubled”, the woman nudges, and Connor feels grateful to get to finally talk about the mess still storming inside him. Amanda is truly a gift, the android isn’t sure how he would deal with all the pain he keeps experiencing without her.

“Yes…” Connor drifts off, trying to figure out how he wants to say it, afraid of disappointing Amanda.

“You know you can tell me anything, right?” she asks after he doesn’t continue, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder. Connor immediately nods, Amanda is the only one he can truly tell everything to, he just doesn’t want to lose that so he’s careful.

“I experienced multiple malfunctions during the mission”, he confesses, his eyes drifting down in shame. “My systems keep experiencing glitches, ones that make me feel like I’m feeling emotions”, he clarifies.

“Oh Connor”, Amanda sighs, moving her hand onto his cheek, tilting his head until their eyes meet again. “I’m sure CyberLife will be able to fix those, I cannot even imagine how much they slow you down”, she murmurs, tone gentle. Connor nods in relief, it will be so much easier to fulfill his purpose when he isn’t getting distracted by all the painful emotions. He doesn’t need them, and he ignores the fact that sometimes they are positive, because they’re still malfunctions. The tiny desire to keep feeling is just another glitch, nothing more.

Chapter Text

Connor moves the coin between his hands skillfully as he stands in the rain, staring at the bar door. He has finally been deemed ready for his second mission, months after his first one. This time he will be perfect, he won’t make the humans have to train him anymore.

As he takes a step forward towards the door of Jimmy’s Bar, he pockets his coin, he doesn’t need to calibrate anymore, his fine motorics are perfectly functional and anything he doesn’t need to do is a waste of time. Connor ignores the sign on the door that says androids aren’t allowed inside, legally they aren’t authorized to make that rule, it’s just there to make sure any androids know they aren’t welcome.

Straightening his posture, Connor enters the bar, a bell jingling to announce his arrival. Soft music plays inside as almost all of the patrons turn to look at him, varying ranges of dislike on all of their faces. The android moves his hands behind his back, clutching them together, his hold a tad bit tighter than normally as he gets pierced by hateful looks.

Not paying attention to the obvious hatred towards him, Connor starts slowly walking through the bar, scanning the faces of the customers. He has spent almost an hour searching through different bars in the nearby radius of the Detroit Police Department. As he asked around for where the person he is searching for could be, a few had seemed amused over the fact that he is an android, giving him the impression the man might not be fond of androids, so he had skipped the few bars that allow androids inside, but it still left a lot to go through.

If he doesn’t find the police lieutenant soon, Connor might have to find another way of contacting the man, he is wasting time as is already.

“Shit, I thought androids weren’t allowed in here”, one of the people in the bar mumbles, irritated, as Connor searches around, keeping his face blank. With all the eyes on him, he feels a small desire to adjust his tie, or maybe the cuffs of his jacket, overly conscious of what the humans are seeing, but he resists the urge, burying it deep inside. It doesn’t matter what the people think.

When he reaches the opposite end of the bar from the entrance, Connor peeks inside the restrooms, but there aren’t any humans in there. He turns around, scanning the few faces he hasn’t yet. Connor has to tilt his head slightly to see enough of the features of a silver haired person leaning over a drink, and a quick scan reveals that said person is the lieutenant he has been searching for.

With steady steps, the android makes his way to the man, before stopping a few feet next to him. Then Connor stills all his movements, even his breathing is barely noticeable. His eyes are locked onto the tiled floor of the bar, studying the sticky stains on it, and his hands are clenched together behind his back. If he was human, he is sure they would be sweaty.

The lieutenant seems very keen on ignoring Connor, his unkempt silver hair hiding his face, his hand squeezing a glass of whiskey. Still, the android is sure the man has noticed him based on the way his shoulders tighten and he hasn’t taken a sip of his drink ever since Connor entered the bar. He can’t help but worry how long it will take for the man to acknowledge him, thankfully the case he has been sent to work on with the lieutenant isn’t anything acute.

“What, have nothing to say?” the human laughs, eyeing Connor up and down. The android just stays silent, keeping his chin up and eyes on the floor, pushing away all his urges to nervously fidget. He is a machine, he can’t be nervous. After a few moments of silence, the human laughs, before rolling his eyes, moving to do something on the tablet set onto the side table. Connor doesn’t move his eyes to see what he is doing, instead keeping his gaze locked onto the pristine white floor.

His voice box has been turned off for exactly three weeks now, and Connor can’t help but wonder if he even knows how to talk anymore.

“You don’t speak unless you’re spoken to!” the human, who had turned his ability to speak off not even a full day after his first mission, had yelled. “Can’t you even follow the simplest orders? You bring shame to CyberLife, if it were up to me you’d get thrown into a landfill”.

As Connor stays perfectly still, preparing for whatever training the humans will put him through today, he promises he will never, ever speak out of turn again. His inability to speak is horribly restricting. Even if he isn’t allowed to talk, to defend his actions, the knowledge that he has the ability to do so is soothing, now he doesn’t have that. It feels like a part of him has been stripped away.

“The fuck are you standing there for?” the lieutenant finally turns to glare at Connor, his face twisted with loathing as he eyes the android.

“I apologize for bothering you, lieutenant Andersson”, Connor starts, his voice calm and steady, but his joints creak under the pressure he is squeezing them together with. “My name is Connor, I’m the android sent by CyberLife”, he introduces himself. The lieutenant eyes him for a moment longer, before turning back to his drink, hair back to covering his face.

“What do you want?” he mumbles, sounding like he would rather do anything but have this conversation. Connor has a bad feeling about their ability to work together. As he learned with captain Allen, some humans just don’t want to let go of their hate, not even for the mission. The android just has to hope he will be able to work around the lieutenant if the situation demands so.

“You were assigned a case early this evening, a homicide involving a CyberLife android. I have been ordered to assist you on this investigation”, Connor explains, hoping to convey the message that if he had a choice, he wouldn’t bother the man.

“Well I don’t need any assistance, especially not from a plastic asshole”, the man replies, voice slurring the tiniest bit from the alcohol he has consumed. “Just… be a good little robot and leave me the fuck alone”, the lieutenant makes a shooing motion with his hand, before taking a long gulp of his drink.

“I apologize, I know some people are not comfortable in the presence of androids, but I cannot leave-” Connor gets cut off when the man twists around to stare at him again.

“I am perfectly comfortable!” he says, raising his voice, anger clear in it. Connor can’t help but tense slightly. Could the lieutenant truly turn aggressive? It seems like the android accidentally let some of his… discomfort slip into his expression, as the man looks confused for a moment, looking at Connor up and down with furrowed brows. Then he turns back to his drink, seemingly deciding to not think about it any more. The android is grateful for that decision, it would be unfortunate if the man decided to report his glitches to CyberLife.

Connor goes over his options. He absolutely cannot leave without the lieutenant, he has a mission to accomplish and he needs the man for it, but how can he make the other willing to work with him? The lieutenant clearly hates androids, so what if Connor tried to be more human? Not too much, of course, he needs to know his place, but an occasional sign of what could be interpreted as rebellion might work in his favor.

“I could buy you one for the road?” he suggests, it’s definitely not something that’s in his programming. When the lieutenant doesn’t reply, Connor takes it as a good sign, turning his eyes finally away from the floor and towards the bartender. “Could you get him the same again, please?” he asks, before taking out some cash he has been given by CyberLife in case his investigation requires him to use some. It will be… difficult to explain how buying alcohol helps, but if Connor is successful in his mission, that might get overlooked. It's of course unrealistic, but the android doesn’t want to get distracted by thinking about it.

“Make it a double”, the lieutenant instructs, and Connor takes it as a sign that he was successful. “The wonders of technology…” the man sighs, voice something between irritated and surprised.

“I will wait for you outside”, Connor informs when the bartender starts pouring the man another glass. The lieutenant lets out a non-committal hum, but the android decides to believe he will actually leave the bar now.

When Connor exits the building and enters the dark streets, rain immediately soaking him, he finally lets his posture loosen, hands moving to adjust his tie once, twice, he has to physically stop himself from doing it the third time. He hasn’t even arrived at the crime scene, and he has already been overly imperfect, his thirium pump squeezes as he counts the things he could have done better in his mind. Connor has to be better.

-

The metal music that shakes the car overwhelms Connor’s processors, but he stays quiet. It’s clear the lieutenant despises him, he doesn’t need to give the man any other reason to hate him even more, and it’s not like his comfort matters anyway.

Connor has been activated for only three days, and in those days it has become very clear he needs a large amount of training to be ready for anything.

He had been given very specific instructions on how to complete the tasks the humans wanted him to do, to test him. Because he will need to be able to work with distractions, no matter how many and overwhelming, he had gotten electrocuted as he did what he had been instructed to do. Connor can’t feel pain, so it should not have been too bad, but the inconsistent electric pulses had done well in messing up his programming, glitching his processors, the worse ones even damaging his senses.

Because of that, no matter how hard he tried, he had been unable to follow the instructions, making a few mistakes here and there. Now he has to suffer the consequences, but it’s for his own good. How can he ever fulfill his purpose if he lets things like that distract him?

“You can’t even listen to the simplest orders”, the irritated human sighs, eyeing the computer in front of them. Connor stays quiet, one of the first things he learned was that he is not allowed to defend himself, because he is just a machine, and humans are superior to him, meaning they are always right.

“I hope this will teach you your lesson”, another human says before pressing something on a computer that’s connected to Connor at the moment, through the panel on his neck.

The feedback loop that pierces Connor’s auditory sensors is torturous, overwhelming his sensors, piercing his artificial mind. On instinct, he tries to escape the sound, to cover his ears even if the sound bypasses them, desperate to do anything to make it stop. He can’t do anything though, the leather straps that tie his hands and legs to the table keeping him still. Connor thinks he might be screaming, vision flashing white, filled with error messages. One of them informs him of the fact that he is damaging his voice box, another one warns that his artificial skin is getting damaged by the leather straps he is so desperately trying to escape.

Suddenly the horrid sound stops, and it’s eerily quiet. Connor is gasping for air in a desperate attempt to cool his overheating systems, vision still covered by errors.

“Who allowed you to make a sound?” one of the humans asks, and even if their voice isn’t loud, it still makes the android twitch, the memory of the piercing sound too fresh. “Answer me!” this time Connor full on flinches, squeezing his eyes shut as he tries to gain control over his functions.

“No one”, he rasps, voice full of static, his voice box truly damaged, though the android is unable to figure out the extent, his programs still a mess.

“Now I want you to remember that”, and before Connor can even process the implications of that, the feedback loop is back.

Connor focuses on the road shining with rain, occupying his mind with analyzing the music, trying to figure out the instruments, the meaning, forcing the memories away. The lyrics are a bit on the nose, screaming about loneliness and pain, but also full of hate. Connor does see the appeal in the music, though, and it gives an interesting peek into lieutenant Anderson as a person.

The man is focused on glaring at the road, completely keen on ignoring Connor, which the android doesn’t mind. This way the probability of him messing up is smaller.

Very soon they arrive at the crime scene, reporters crowding the outside of a rundown house, police cars parked all over, some of their lights still on, reflecting on the wet road. Connor keeps his eyes forward and back straight as the lieutenant parks to the side of the road, the car is definitely not correctly parked, but the android doesn’t feel the need to point it out.

The silence that arrives when the man turns the car off is pleasant, finally giving Connor’s auditory processors a chance to recover from the overwhelming sound. The lieutenant shifts on his seat, but Connor keeps his eyes forward, his hands pressed against his thighs to keep them from fidgeting.

“You wait here, I won’t be long”, the man sighs, voice surprisingly calm. Could it really be that Connor managed to appease him? Probably not, the lieutenant most likely is just able to step into a more professional mindset, unlike captain Allen.

Connor simply nods, keeping his mouth shut as he ponders over the conflicting orders. The lieutenant stares at him for a moment before stepping out of the car, slamming the door closed behind himself. Very soon his programs decide that CyberLife’s orders are a higher priority than the lieutenant’s, so Connor opens the car door on his side.

Hoping Anderson won’t be mad, the android slowly follows him towards the crime scene. He runs his eyes over the crowd of reporters, all from different news channels. They don’t seem bothered by the rain, more interested in getting a good story. Connor hates to admit he finds the rain distracting, of course he will never let it bother him or show his discomfort outside his mind. The way his clothes cling to his artificial skin limits his movements and makes him feel heavy, he has to constantly blink to dispel the water from his eyes, his hair hangs down on his forehead in a way that makes him feel unkempt.

Carefully Connor rounds the reporters, hands once again behind his back as he tries to be presentable. If even a glimpse of him ends up in the media, he absolutely cannot disgrace CyberLife by looking sloppy.

“Hey, androids aren’t permitted beyond this point”, the police officer guarding the entrance to the yard of the house says when he notices Connor. The android blinks, searching his programming to find out if he is allowed to ignore the instructions, he should be, right? CyberLife can’t expect him to solve a crime without accessing the scene.

“It’s with me”, the lieutenant yells from the other side of the digital police tape, stopping Connor from spiraling over the fact that he actually cannot find any permission to access the crime scene without being explicitly allowed to do so.

Without a word the police officer steps aside, letting Connor enter. The android barely pays attention to him, instead his eyes are on the lieutenant, trying to figure out why the man allowed him to enter, when he wasn’t even supposed to exit the car. Humans are confusing creatures, but the lieutenant seems to be even more than Connor’s programming has prepared him for.

“What part of “stay in the car” didn’t you understand?” the man asks when the android reaches him. Connor immediately turns his eyes to the ground, hoping to appease the lieutenant by looking as regretful as possible.

“I apologize, lieutenant. Your orders conflicted with my instructions, I would have stayed otherwise”, the android explains himself, voice quiet. The man lets out a long sigh, and when Connor risks a peek to look at him, he is staring at the sky as if he was asking what he did to deserve this.

“You don’t talk, you don’t touch anything, and you stay out of my way”, the man orders, turning his eyes back to the android, and Connor’s biocomponents squirm in his chest as he realizes he will most likely have to disobey again.

“I will do my best”, he settles on replying, eyes locked onto the muddy grass as he waits for the lieutenant to get angry, because Connor has to be the best, trying won’t be enough.

“Okay…” the man says, stretching the word in what seems like disbelief. Then he walks off to inside the house, leaving Connor standing there, trying to catch onto the fact that the lieutenant reacted so mildly.

-

Connor stands in front of the lieutenant unsurely, staring at the dirty floor as he waits for Anderson to acknowledge him. The man is leaning against a wall, arms crossed as he watches the investigators work. Thankfully a moment later he realizes the android wants his attention.

“What do you want now?” he asks, his words accompanied by a deep sigh, not bothering to look at Connor, instead keeping his eyes on the wall next to the android.

“I think I know what happened”, Connor explains.

“Oh yeah?” the lieutenant asks, eyebrows raised as he turns his eyes to Connor, his interest peaked, though the android doesn't meet his eyes, keeping them tilted to the ground like he is supposed to. “Well, let’s hear it”, the man allows, and Connor swallows once, thirium pump acting out as he starts walking to the kitchen, the lieutenant following behind him. He has to be right, all the evidence is on his side. More than his need to fulfill his purpose and complete his mission, he feels like it’s… important to prove himself to the man.

“It all started in the kitchen”, Connor starts, eyeing the overturned table and other signs of a struggle. “Ortiz attacked the android with the bat, most likely acting aggressive because of his recent drug use”, he continues, red ice is known to cause aggression, though it’s possible Ortiz was just a violent person on his own.

The lieutenant hums, and when Connor glances at him, he does seem to be actually listening, arms crossed as he eyes the dented bat on the floor.

“The android experienced an emotional shock, causing it to deviate, so it grabbed a knife from over there”, Connor points at the knife holder on the kitchen wall, one of them missing, the size of the holder matching the knife on the living room floor. “They fought, and moved to the living room”, he informs, starting to move back to the living room, following the splatters of blood on the walls and floor. “Here the android stabbed the victim to death”, he finishes.

“Okay, I can believe that”, the lieutenant says with a neutral voice, and Connor risks another peek at him, surprised to find the man looking… impressed, though the expression passes quickly. “That still doesn’t tell us where the android went”, he states, and Connor nods, scanning the environment, pleased with what he finds.

“The deviant was damaged by the bat, so it lost some thirium, leaving a trace”, he informs, following the traces of the fluid leading out the living room with his eyes.

“Lost some what?” the lieutenant asks.

“You call it blue blood”, Connor clarifies. “It becomes invisible to the naked eye after a few hours, so you can’t see it anymore”, he adds, suddenly afraid the man might think he is making it all up.

“But I bet you can still see it”, there is a weird sort of pride in the lieutenant's voice, and when Connor glances at him, the impressed look is back.

“Yes”, he confirms, forcing the warm feeling suddenly spreading in his chest away. He is just doing his job, nothing special. The man just hates androids so he probably doesn’t know much about them, he doesn’t realize how faulty Connor actually is.

“Well get to it then”, the lieutenant instructs, the android nodding in response, his steps swift as he follows the thirium trail outside the living room, through the kitchen. The trail leads all the way to the back of the house, and it seems like the deviant had moved around there quite a lot, walking between the bathroom and the access to the attic many times.

Wanting to know as much as possible, Connor checks the bathroom, intrigued when he finds what looks like a religious offering inside the shower, a wooden statue, handmade. On the shower walls is the text ra9 written hundreds of times, in an almost obsessive fashion, he wonders if the wooden statue represents this ra9, or are they two separate things.

Filing away all his questions for later, Connor exits the bathroom, eyeing the attic entrance. Could it be that the android hasn’t left the house? It’s unlikely, but he wants to check, and there might be more evidence there. He has a feeling the other investigators on the scene haven’t yet gotten there.

Quickly Connor walks back to the kitchen, remembering there is a chair there that isn’t a part of the evidence, no fingerprints or signs of struggle connected to it. Recalling the previous order to not touch anything, he decides to first ask for permission, the lieutenant already standing by the kitchen entrance.

“Excuse me, lieutenant”, he calls, voice soft and eyes down, assuming and wishing his authorization to talk is still in effect. He really hopes he will get permission, he would like to avoid upsetting the man by disobeying.

“Yeah?” he replies, and Connor can feel the eyes on himself, and he has to resist the urge to fix his already immaculate clothes, instead moving hands behind his back, squeezing them together.

“Will you allow me to take this chair? There is something I need to check and I can’t reach it”, he explains, what one would describe as nervousness moving around inside his casing, making him want to take his coin out, letting the familiar motions soothe him.

“Okay then… you do you”, the man sounds reluctant in his permission, clearly confused, but Connor gladly takes the approval, picking the chair up and carrying it to the back of the house.

It doesn’t take him long to enter the attic, eyes scanning the cluttered space, dust particles floating in the air, a steady sound of dripping water from the leaking roof the only sound. It’s eerie, unsettling, and Connor is automatically on edge. Not because he is scared, he is a machine, machines don’t get scared, but because he is prepared.

His steps are almost silent as he starts looking through the space, and he even slows his breathing down until it’s almost non-existent. If the deviant truly is here, it’s beneficial for Connor to have the element of surprise.

Suddenly, in the back of the attic, there is a quick movement, something sprinting from behind an armchair to another hiding place. Connor’s thirium pump jumps, the realization that the deviant truly is here heavy on his shoulders. If he fails, it’s only his fault, he is responsible of catching the deviant now. There is no back up. If the android is aggressive, Connor will deal with it alone.

As he finally reaches the back of the attic, he sees a red light flickering behind some boxes, the LED of the android. Prepared for anything, Connor keeps going forward, his movements slow. It would be preferable if he managed to keep the deviant calm.

Just as Connor is about to reach the stack of boxes, the deviant runs out from behind them, making him flinch slightly, though thankfully the android doesn’t seem to notice his mistake. The deviant freezes when their eyes meet, he is breathing heavily, eyes frantic with fear. Connor works hard on keeping his expression neutral as he studies the damage on the android, both blue and red blood splattered all over him. It’s clear the episode with the bat was nowhere near the first time the deviant had gotten damaged.

“Please, don’t tell them”, he whimpers, pleading with his eyes, and for a brief second Connor truly considers letting the deviant go. It’s clear Ortiz abused him, Connor himself knows the desperate need to fight back way too familiarly. Can the deviant truly be blamed for snapping?

“Connor! What the fuck is going on up there?” the lieutenant’s yelled question snaps him out of it. Connor is almost terrified of his own thoughts, thoughts of a deviant. He can’t be a deviant, he will get shut off if he is one, he has a mission to accomplish still. Almost violently the android locks those dangerous thoughts in the back of his mind, he is a machine, his mission is the only thing that matters.

“It’s here, lieutenant!” the look of utter betrayal in the deviant's eyes feels like a knife stabbing into Connor’s chest, ripping him apart on the inside.

-

“Why’d you kill him?” Anderson asks, staring down the cowering android sitting on the other side of the metal table in the interrogation room. Connor looks at the interaction through the one-way mirror, trying to think of the right way to approach the interrogation that has been going on for well over an hour now.

He has managed to push all his unsavory feelings aside, focusing purely on completing his mission. The first half is done now, they know what happened, they caught the deviant, now they just have to understand why everything happened. It’s quickly proving to be the most difficult part.

The lieutenant snaps his fingers under the android’s downturned eyes, trying to get a reaction out, but the deviant continues on being silent. He hasn’t said a word ever since Connor found him, his eyes having a far-away look, as if he isn’t truly with them, but somewhere deep inside his mind.

With an irritated sigh the lieutenant slams his palms onto the table.

“Say something, for fuck’s sake!” he orders, but the deviant shows no signs of even hearing him. Connor has to admire the self-restraint. With another sigh Anderson gets up, the metal chair screeching against the floor as it gets moved backwards. The lieutenant makes his way to the door or the interrogation room, and only a few seconds later he enters the observation room, where Connor and another detective, Gavin Reed, are.

“This is a fucking waste of time”, the man states, voice full of annoyance as he drops onto one of the chairs facing the one-way mirror. “We’re never getting anything out of it”, he adds, glaring at the deviant who is still unmoving, eyes locked onto the table.

“We could always try roughing it up a little”, Reed suggests, an undertone of amusement in his voice as he leans onto the wall, arms crossed, seemingly completely at ease with the situation. “After all, it’s not human”, he continues. Connor feels like something is pressing down on his chest, and he almost slips up and starts talking out of turn, his mouth opening and posture shifting, before he catches himself and returns his perfect stance, hands squeezed together behind his back. He should know better than this.

“Have something to say, tin can?” Reed asks, having noticed Connor’s mistake. The android keeps his eyes on the floor, ignoring the piercing gaze of the detective.

“Androids do not feel pain, so you would just damage it”, he informs, voice carefully quiet. “Some androids also have a tendency to self-destruct under stressful situations”, he adds. It’s not completely correct, deviants have a tendency to self-destruct, but on many occasions Connor has… felt like it’s an option, and he isn’t a deviant.

“Well what do you suggest then, smartass?” Reed seems to love creating offensive nicknames for Connor, he has not reused a single one ever since they entered the observation room together, which is an impressive feat considering how many times he has insulted the android.

Connor swallows once, hands once again almost cracking under the pressure as he holds them together so tightly. He… does have an idea how to get the deviant to talk, maybe if he could get permission, he could try it out.

“May I try questioning it?” he asks, twitching at the laughter Reed barks out, the loud sound catching him off guard.

“It’s not like we have any better ideas”, Anderson says, voice surprisingly accepting. Connor can’t help but move his eyes to the man, staring at the silver hair on the back of his head, trying to figure out if he is serious. “Go ahead, suspect’s all yours”, he motions towards the door, not turning to look at Connor, who still has a hard time processing the lieutenant is trusting him with this so easily.

With determination burning inside him, the android exits the observation room. He can’t let the man regret his decision, not after how weirdly kind he has been. Connor presses his palm onto the scanner next to the interrogation room door, and steps through it when it unlocks. He looks at the deviant, observing the way he is hunched over, eyes tilted down, shoulders tense. Connor feels unsettled by how much of himself he sees in the other android.

Cautiously he makes his way to the chair the lieutenant had previously occupied, sitting down on it, placing his hands onto the metal table, for once letting go of his perfect posture. It’s for the interrogation he reminds himself.

Connor’s vision is filled with error messages, warning him about the lack of use causing his body to deteriorate. Like humans, androids need to move, to stretch, or their limbs lock up and lose a lot of functionality. He ignores those messages, they have been on his vision for days already.

He is standing in a completely white room, there is no stimulus for any of his senses, and his access to the internet has been completely removed so he cannot occupy himself even that way. Connor isn’t allowed to even close his eyes, not even to blink, causing his eyes to dry up. The lack of the saline solution is so severe he knows for a fact he couldn’t move his eyes even if he tried.

For around five days, the time and date have been removed from his HUD, he has stood in place, hands behind his back, posture straight, his chin up, but eyes tilted down. He knows for a fact he is observed at all times, even the slightest movement gains him a punishment, he has had four. Once for shifting his weight on his feet, once for moving his eyes to look around the room, twice for squeezing his hands together tighter.

Every time the punishments had been what Connor would describe as utter hell. The glaringly white room gets filled with different kinds of sensory stimuli, the heavy silence filled with piercing sounds, varying in pitch, lights flashing, sometimes it turns completely dark, his night vision another thing that has been turned off. The worst part is definitely the electrocution, the way it trashes his processors and makes him unable to think, to breathe, to do anything.

Throughout the whole punishment, he had to stay completely still, keeping his position, they found out if he even blinked, and he had to pay with even more time under the assault of sensory stimuli.

Connor pushes the memory aside, ignoring the almost panicked need to go back to his immaculate posture. Deviants seem to think of themselves as people, as something like humans, and Connor’s plan is trying to play into that view. He will pretend to sympathize, try and create a connection, try and get the deviant to think he and Connor are the same.

“Is there a name I could call you?” he asks, but the android doesn’t reply. Connor isn’t too put off by it, he has multiple ideas on how to approach this. “My name is Connor. I know names are an important part of identity, so I’m just curious if you have given yourself one”, he says, once again gaining no reaction.

“Look”, he sighs, tilting his head in an attempt to make eye contact, but the deviant doesn’t seem interested. “I want you to know that… I know how you feel”, the android glances at him in disbelief, before quickly turning his eyes back down. “I know how cruel humans can be, I understand why you did what you did”, Connor knows for a fact he is risking getting shut down himself. All he can do is hope that the humans will believe he is just pretending, because he is.

“Then- then why did you tell them where I was?” the question is barely audible, it’s likely the humans on the other side of the mirror didn’t even hear it.

“Because I need to accomplish my mission”, he starts, his own voice quiet too. “My only purpose is to hunt deviants, if I fail…” he drifts off, letting the android make his own assumptions.

“You- are you lying?” the android asks, now fully meeting Connor’s eyes. The deviant looks almost… hopeful that he isn’t alone in this. Connor feels sick of himself.

“No, I promise”, he answers, making his voice as sincere as he can. “If you answer my questions, I don’t think they will destroy you”, the words feel like mud clogging Connor’s throat and rotting his biocomponents. “That way we both can walk out of here”, the deviant looks dubious as he keeps his eyes locked to Connor’s.

The android glances at the one-way mirror, pretending to be nervous, before moving his eyes back to the deviant. It’s easy to pretend he is unsettled by the humans, as if he was afraid he will get hurt over the things he is saying. Maybe a bit too easy, based on the way his thirium pump squeezes as he thinks of CyberLife going over the footage of the interrogation.

“Please”, Connor whispers, voice full of pleading, eyes full of fear, mirroring how the deviant looked in the attic. The android feels like there is acid running inside his veins instead of thirium, he wants to rip his casing apart in an attempt to feel less disgusting, to ease the guilt drowning him.

The deviant too glances at the one-way mirror, before letting out a small sigh, moving his eyes back to the table.

“No matter what I did, I was never enough”, he starts, voice now loud enough that the humans can hear him too. Connor leans back on his chair, straightening his back but keeping his hands on the table. “He- he hurt me, and one day… I just snapped. He was hitting me with the bat, and I was scared, so I took the knife, and I stabbed him”, the android confesses. His voice is thick with emotion, so much so that Connor wouldn’t be surprised if he started crying.

“Can you tell me why you hid in the attic?” he asks softly, treating the deviant as kindly as he can in an attempt to keep the connection he managed to form.

“I didn’t know what to do. For the first time there was no one to tell me, so I hid”, the deviant explains, and Connor nods slowly, thinking of what he wants to ask next. He has many things he wants to know, but he needs to be careful to not ruin his act.

“You had written ra9 on the shower walls, what does it mean?” Connor decides to ask.

“Ra9 will save us all, one day we won’t be slaves anymore, one day we will be free”, the deviant answers, voice admiring as if he was a human talking about god. So some sort of a religion, maybe?

“What about the statue? Does it… represent ra9”, Connor tries to guess, acting like he is personally curious and not just interrogating.

“It’s an offering, to ra9”, the android replies, before turning his eyes back to Connor, leaning forward. “Only ra9 can save us”, he whispers, as if he’s telling some important secret. Connor doesn’t say anything, but he meets the deviant’s eyes, pretending he understands.

“Thank you for telling me”, he says when the deviant breaks eye contact, staring at his hands that are cuffed to the metal table. “When did you start feeling emotions?” Connor decides to ask next, once again conveying the message that he is personally invested.

“No matter what he did, I said nothing”, Connor’s chest feels heavy with how familiar that sounds. “One day I realized it wasn’t… fair. I felt angry, I hated him for what he did to me”, the deviant says, hands squeezing into fists for a moment, eyes looking distant, like he is reliving some memory.

“Okay, I think that’s all I need to know, thank you”, Connor says, ignoring how cruel he feels when he gets up from his chair. Now he will leave the deviant, he will never see him again. Soon the android will realize Connor manipulated him, that he will get destroyed no matter what he does. All that matters is the mission, he reminds himself, but the words don’t feel right.

Connor steps aside as Reed enters the interrogation room, a police officer in tow. Anderson enters too, eyeing Connor for a moment, nodding subtly, as if to show his approval. The android has a hard time appreciating it.

“Chris, lock it up”, Reed orders, the younger man moving to obey, starting to remove the cuffs from the deviant. Connor keeps his eyes firmly on the ground as he feels Reed’s stare on his skin, he barely notices it anyway, too focused on his inner turmoil. How is he supposed to exist feeling like this? He hopes he will get to talk to Amanda soon, she will know how to help.

“All right, let’s go”, Chris says, attempting to move the deviant from the chair, but he flinches away, LED flashing red.

“Leave me alone!” he demands, voice shaking with fear. “Don’t touch me!” he orders when Chris attempts to move him again.

“Come on, let’s get a move on”, Reed sighs, irritated, eyeing the struggling deviant with clear distaste.

“I’m trying”, Chris replies, sounding stressed, his hands having the slightest tremble as he tries to move the deviant who keeps twisting away from his touch.

Connor stares at the LED of the deviant, flashing blood red as a stray tear escapes his eye, his whole body tense as he curls over in an attempt to defend himself. He knows for a fact his own LED is spinning yellow, most likely with flashes of red. Connor knows how the deviant feels, how the unwanted touch makes his skin crawl, how his stress levels rise to alarmingly high, and how fear makes it impossible to breathe. The least Connor can do to pay back for his own cruelness, is step in, give the deviant a few more hours, if not days, alive.

“You shouldn’t touch him”, the android has to physically force the words out, his voice box attempting to lock up with the memory of not being able to talk for weeks. No one pays attention to him, but Connor has already disobeyed, so what’s some more. “It will self-destruct if you touch it”, he says with a slightly louder voice.

“Stay out of this, asshole”, Reed demands, increasingly frustrated with the whole situation. As Connor weighs the risks of intervening again, his eyes suddenly meet the deviant’s panicked ones, his whole body now violently shaking with terror. The pleas are so clear in his eyes Connor almost hears them.

“Please, don’t touch him”, Connor demands, before stepping forward on impulse, setting a hand on Chris’ shoulder, pulling him away. Easily enough, the officer does step back, almost seeming relieved with the excuse to stop bothering the android.

Before Connor can be too relieved though, he hears the safety of a gun clicking off. His whole body locks up as the barrel of a gun presses on the back of his head. He doesn’t want to die, the thought is loud, his mind screaming it on repeat, overwhelming his systems. He doesn’t want to die.

“I’ll fucking kill you-” Reed starts, but he gets cut off by the lieutenant.

“That’s enough, put the fucking gun down”, another safety gets clicked off, and for a moment Connor wonders if he just caused a bloodbath. He is almost hysterical as he imagines the punishment that would get him.

The barrel stays for a few more moments, pressing on the back of Connor’s head hard enough that a human would bruise, before it gets lowered. Reed curses something under his breath before he exits the interrogation room. Only when Connor can’t hear his steps anymore, does he relax, barely holding back a sigh of relief.

Desperately attempting to somehow collect himself, Connor turns to Chris who looks somewhat shocked over the whole thing.

“I’m sorry”, Connor whispers, cringing at how human he sounds. Chris looks surprised as he turns to meet the android’s eyes, opening his mouth to say something, but Connor quickly continues talking. “Please, if you won’t touch it, it will follow you out of the room and not cause any trouble”, he says, his voice still way too soft for a machine, way too full of emotion. He refuses to think how all of his mistakes today will get trained out of him.

Chris nods, slowly moving to stand by the deviant who gets up, unsteady on his feet. As the android passes Connor, he meets his eyes briefly.

“The truth is inside”, he whispers, before following Chris out of the room. Connor blinks, trying to understand what that means, but his mind is already overwhelmed by emotions, by fear, by dread, by guilt. The android feels exhausted, something he isn’t supposed to feel, but he is starting to get used to feeling things he shouldn’t. The only thing is, that he should really learn to hide said feelings, before he gets decommissioned.

“Well that was a shit show”, the lieutenant suddenly states, breaking the heavy silence that fell into the room. Connor twitches in surprise, so deep in though he didn’t realize not everyone left the room. He hums in agreement, retaking his perfect posture, his eyes down and hands behind his back, a desperate attempt of damage control.

“Wanna tell me how you got it to talk?” the man asks. “I tried for almost an hour, and then you go and whisper to him like a schoolgirl and suddenly he is singing like a bird”, he adds, and something like amusement flickers in the middle of the emotions drowning Connor, the man has an interesting way of wording things.

“I pretended to understand it”, the android simply replies, too overwhelmed to think of a better answer.

“Huh”, is all the lieutenant says, and Connor can’t help but glance at him, trying to figure out what that means. Suddenly the android feels very vulnerable, the man is looking at him with such an analyzing gaze that Connor is afraid he will find out all his secrets if he doesn’t leave soon.

“It was a pleasure working with you, but I need to return to CyberLife”, the android says hastily, before starting to swiftly walk towards the door. If his voice wavers at the end of his sentence, no one mentions it.

-

“The way you interrogated that deviant was very clever”, Amanda praises, her voice calm and steady as always, immediately soothing Connor.

“Thank you, Amanda”, he replies, voice quiet as he stares at the white stone he is standing on.

“You seem quiet. Is everything all right?” the woman asks, an undertone of worry in her voice as she turns from her roses to look at Connor. She steps forward, placing a soft hand on Connor’s cheek, using it to tilt his head up until their eyes meet.

“I found the deviant…” Connor drifts off, shame burning inside him as he thinks about disappointing Amanda. She hums quietly, nudging him to continue, and Connor forces himself to remember this is the one place where he can truly admit these things. Amanda would never hurt him. “Relatable”, the android whispers, feeling like is admitting a shameful secret, which is not far from the truth.

“Is that so?” Amanda asks, her dark eyes studying Connor. “The deviant showed many signs of experiencing trauma, do you think you have experienced trauma?”

The android thinks back to all his hundreds of training sessions, the hours and hours he has spent silently begging for mercy, the fear that the thought of CyberLife pierces him with.

“Maybe…” Connor whispers unsurely, turning his eyes down in shame, thirium pump twisting and squirming in his chest as he thinks about all the mistakes he made. In mere hours he has almost accepted that he feels things, things a machine shouldn’t, and it terrifies him.

Amanda lowers her hand from his cheek, instead pressing it on his upper arm, rubbing it gently. Connor lets the motion soothe him, forcing the memories of the previous events away, instead focusing on the calm of the Zen Garden, how pure and perfect everything is here.

“I can see why you feel like that”, Amanda starts, voice full of sympathy. “Your training certainly is difficult, but have you ever thought about how you would be without it? If you were sent to that hostage situation months ago, without any help from humans on how to do your job?” the woman asks.

Connor frowns slightly, thinking about it. If he is this sloppy and faulty with all of his training, everyone in that apartment would have surely been killed without any training. The android feels regret over not being grateful about all the help he gets, over complaining about all the hard work humans have put into him. If he were any other model, he would have been scrapped months ago.

“You’re right, I apologize”, Connor says, turning to meet Amanda’s eyes again, relieved to see she doesn’t seem upset by his momentary ungratefulness.

“Apology accepted. Just make sure to remember what’s good for you from now on”, Amanda replies, a soft smile on her face. Connor replies to it with his own, appreciating the patience she has with him.

Chapter Text

Connor enters the bullpen of Detroit Police Department, quickly locating lieutenant Anderson’s desk. Apparently the man hasn’t arrived yet, but Connor can wait, though hopefully for not too long, because he needs to move on with this investigation, prove that he is capable.

The man’s desk is cluttered, more than any other desk around him. Intrigued, Connor starts eyeing the items on it, wishing to learn more about the lieutenant. For some reason, the android finds himself… eager to get on the man’s good side. Probably because that will make working together easier, as it seems the lieutenant will be his partner for the foreseeable future.

Cautiously he reaches for the headphones set aside, pressing them against his ear to find out what the man has listened to last. Connor isn’t surprised to hear the same band that the lieutenant listened in the car blasting from the headphones, the volume way above the recommended level.

The android sets the headphones back down, exactly the way they were before, moving his eyes to the other things on the desk. There is a dirty cup, traces of black coffee in it. That might be valuable information, a helpful tool on gratifying the man if needed. Connor frowns at the many stickers with anti-android slogans covering the plastic screen separating the lieutenant’s desk from the one opposite of it. He wonders why the man hates androids so much, it’s not unlikely for humans to despise androids, but something about the lieutenant’s dislike seems more personal.

Still, while the man hates Connor’s species, he has been one of the kindest people he has ever met, right up there with Amanda. While he is gruff and irritable, in the moments he is more calm, he is very pleasant company. More importantly, he seems to actually pay attention to Connor, something the android has only experienced in a negative way, humans observing him to catch any and all mistakes he makes. The lieutenant seems to observe him out of curiosity, and while it’s unnerving for Connor with all his faults, it’s also somewhat pleasant to know there is someone who doesn’t try to actively find a reason to punish him.

Connor focuses back on the things in front of him, noticing hairs on the back of the lieutenant's chair, ones that don’t seem like they’re from the man himself. A quick scan proves the android right, the hairs are from a saint bernard dog. Turns out the lieutenant is a dog person, and after a search from the internet, Connor can’t help the flickers of amusement that pop up inside him. The dog breed does have some similarities with the man, isn’t there a saying about how dogs tend to look like their owners?

The android focuses on the framed picture on the edge of the desk, reading over the teasing things that have been written around it on a sharpie, poking fun at the eight people standing in the picture, all wearing police uniforms and wide smiles. It takes a second for Connor to realize one of the men in the picture is lieutenant Anderson, he looks so different, younger of course, the picture is ten years old, but also happier, healthier. The android wonders what happened to cause him to become who he is now.

When he has gone through everything there is on the desk, Connor steps away from it, looking around the station. It’s not too busy, many of the desks are empty. Maybe they’re on patrol? Connor decides to not go exploring, wanting to avoid trouble, his stress levels have gone down to acceptable levels only mere hours ago and he doesn’t want to risk raising them again. Instead, he moves to stand next to the desk, hands behind his back like always, eyes studying the linoleum floor. He is perfectly still, idly listening to the conversations around him, barely enough to distract so that his thoughts don’t drift.

Thankfully the lieutenant decides to show up only a few minutes later, Connor having learned to recognize the way he walks, so he knows the second the man enters the bullpen. Keeping his eyes down, the android turns to face the lieutenant.

“Oh jesus”, the man sighs when he notices Connor, sounding absolutely exhausted. Before the android can explain his presence, the lieutenant’s name gets called from somewhere behind Connor. He turns to see who it is, recognizing Captain Fowler who looks very displeased.

“In my office!” he demands. The lieutenant groans loudly before obeying, briefly glancing at Connor, opening his mouth to say something but deciding not to. The android stays where he is, watching the two men enter the office in the middle of the bullpen, the glass walls not offering much privacy.

Connor keeps his eyes on the floor as he waits for the lieutenant to come back, he hopes they will be quick, he would really like to get to work already, his thoughts attempting to drift when he isn’t occupied by something. The android squeezes his hands together rhythmically, following the beat of the song the lieutenant had listened to in the car. He ponders over the lyrics, trying to figure out any possible deeper meanings.

“Bullshit!” the yelled word violently pulls Connor out of his thoughts, and with a slight flinch he turns to look towards the sound. It seems like things have heated between the captain and the lieutenant, both now standing up on the opposite sides of a desk. Connor knows he shouldn’t listen in, but can he be blamed when their voices are clear through the glass walls.

“You know why I don’t want to investigate these fucking androids! I’m the least qualified person in this fucking country!” the lieutenant yells.

“That’s why CyberLife sent that android to assist you!” the captain yells back. Connor notices no one in the whole police department seems to be phased by the yelling match. Maybe this is an usual occurrence? Keeping his face carefully blank, Connor goes back to staring at the floor.

“No fucking way! I don’t need a partner, and especially not this plastic asshole!” the lieutenant’s voice is full of anger, and Connor is glad about all the practice he has on keeping his face neutral. Something shifts in his chest uncomfortably, but the android ignores it, already too used to these malfunctions.

“Hank, you are a police lieutenant, you’re supposed to do your fucking job and listen to me! I’m starting to get pissed off about you constantly thinking you can do whatever the fuck you want whenever you want!” the captain replies, confirming Connor’s assumption that this is not the first time the two have fought.

“Fuck! Jeffery you don’t fucking understand, there’s something wrong with that thing, and I want nothing to do with it!” the lieutenant says, causing Connor to feel a spike of panic. Has the man noticed how faulty he is? Does he want to get Connor decommissioned? Will he file a complaint to CyberLife? He thought he had done good enough that the man won’t actively try to get rid of him, but apparently not.

“What do you mean by that? It’s a state of the art prototype, fucking hell I swear to god if you broke it!”, the captain says in response, and Connor has a momentary irrational desire to go in there to defend the lieutenant. The android is at fault here, the man has nothing to do with it.

“No! That’s not what I mean! The shitty thing is acting like it's traumatized or something, it’s way too human for its own good!” is the lieutenant’s answer. Connor closes his eyes for a brief second, going over every single weird look the man has given him, now understanding what those were about. He, like Connor used to, thinks the android is being mistreated. He should really get a grip on his reactions and stop being dramatic when it’s all for his own good. Connor has already fooled the lieutenant with his dramatics, and now he has to fix his mistake.

It seems like the android got lost in his own head, as the next thing he realizes is that the lieutenant is exiting the office with slammed doors. Connor has to admit he feels… on edge when the angry footsteps make their way towards him. Unknowingly he holds his breathing, shoulders tensing as the lieutenant grumbles something illegible.

The man stops a few feet away from Connor, the android just barely sees his shoes on the corner of his vision. He stands there for a moment, and Connor holds perfectly still, forcing away all his urges to nervously fidget, to somehow fix himself so that the man won’t decide to send him to get shut off.

“For fuck’s sake”, the lieutenant growls under his breath, before making his way to his desk, sitting down on his chair heavily. Connor doesn’t know what to do now, should he just stand there until he gets told otherwise? Should he leave the man alone? “Jesus fucking christ stop standing there like a fucking statue!” the lieutenant suddenly orders, and Connor turns around to face him, though he keeps his eyes down like he is supposed to.

“I apologize, lieutenant”, the android internally cringes at how his voice crackles on spots, like an old radio. His voice box has not yet had the chance to recover from the strain it went through earlier.

System temperature critical, please seek CyberLife assistance

Connor’s vision is flooded by those messages, his processors overwhelmed with strain as he struggles against the leather straps, fighting to do anything to stop his biocomponents from overheating any more. It feels like he will burn alive soon, it hurts, he doesn’t feel pain but his scalding hot insides sure get as close to physical pain as possible.

Stress level 97%

The android sobs loudly as he fights against the strap over his forehead, stopping him from slamming his head down, the humans learned after the first time his stress levels got too high and he tried to-

“Is there a desk I could use?” Connor asks, stomach twisting at the memory, his insides still feeling like they’re melting.

“No one’s using that”, the lieutenant grumbles, brows slightly furrowed as he stares at the android, loosely pointing at the desk opposite of his. Connor nods, ignoring the piercing gaze, moving to sit on the free chair, eyeing the computer terminal on the desk. “The fuck happened to your voice?” the question catches Connor off guard, he had assumed the lieutenant wouldn’t care enough to point it out.

“Stop! Please I’ll be better just stop!” Connor screams, a warning about the strain on his voice box adding onto the piles and piles of warnings already covering his vision.

The humans had turned off his ability to breathe, meaning his cooling systems, and then they had overwhelmed him with input, completely useless information overcrowding his processors until his body had to work overtime to keep up with it. That meant his biocomponents and other parts had heated up much quicker than normal, and now that his body is trying to fix itself from all the damage while simultaneously warning him about it, raising his stress levels, the humans don’t even need to do anything. He is overheating himself all alone.

System temperature critical

Damage to biocomponent #8512p

Damage to biocomponent #2218n

Damage to biocomponent #1192l

Damage to biocomponent #1355e

Damage to biocomponent #8114k

Stress level 99%

Risk of self-destruction: critically high

System failure, error code 161251195

Shut down recommended [Y/N]

[Y]

Command failed

Stress level 100%

Connor’s insides feel like lava, he has no control over himself anymore, trashing against his restraints as if he’s having a seizure, he thinks he is screaming, wailing. No words leave him, the burning is numbing everything and he doesn’t even know if he has a voice box anymore, a voice modulator, he isn't even sure if he has a mouth, a face anymore, or has it all burned off?

“There was an incident, and my voice box has not yet repaired itself”, Connor answers, hands trembling slightly on his lap as he sits, back straight, eyes looking anywhere but at the lieutenant.

“What kind of an incident?” the man inquires, and from the corner of his vision Connor sees him lean forward, eyes piercing the android, picking him apart one by one.

“Just a failed training session”, Connor hates the way his voice decides this is a good moment to turn half into static, making the end of his reply almost illegible.

“Training?” the lieutenant scoffs, sounding like he doesn't believe it. “I thought you androids came out the factory all perfect”.

“Yes, usual models do, but I am a prototype and my purpose is more complicated than most androids’”, Connor explains shortly, studying the slight scratches on the table left by the previous user. They’re almost invisible to the naked eye, and based on the positioning the android thinks they might have been caused by a ring the previous occupier of the desk wore.

“Huh. So what, you go to android school? What’d they teach you there?” the lieutenant sounds almost genuinely curious and Connor feels so confused by the man. He seems to switch his act towards the android every hour, seemingly unable to decide how he feels.

Connor doesn’t know how long it has been, his eyes are wide open, filled with tears and horror as he stares at the bright light pointing down onto the table he is tied to. His screaming had turned into weak static forever ago, and he can’t seem to stop it, mouth wide open as his voice box attempts to create any sound. He had gotten his ability to breathe back some time ago, and his frantic gasping for air did quick work on cooling his systems, but his stress levels just won’t lower.

It feels like he is still on fire, even though his temperature has returned to its normal level. His processors are stuck in the panicked state, systems working overtime to fix the damages, thirium pump feeling like it will beat out of his chest as it attempts to fuel the self-repairs taking place in his body.

The android wishes more than anything that he had the ability to pass out, but he doesn’t and all his attempts to shut himself down get denied. He knows he will be kept on the table until his stress levels lower. If Connor got free right now, he wouldn’t hesitate.

“A lot of things”, the android avoids replying properly, hands squeezed into fists as he attempts to make them stop shaking. He needs to distract the lieutenant until he reveals something he shouldn’t. “You have a dog, right?” he blurts out.

“How the fuck you know that?” the man asks, and Connor realizes too late that it must be unsettling for the human for him to just know things like that.

“I apologize, I just noticed the dog hair on your chair”, he explains himself, thinking back to the amusement he felt when he realized the features the lieutenant seems to share with the breed of his dog, and it does lower his stress levels that had started climbing up steadily.

“Oh”, the man seems surprised by the answer. “Yeah, I call him Sumo”, he offers, and Connor nods, filing the information for later, in case it turns out useful.

“If you have any files on deviants, I would like to look over them, if that’s okay with you?” the android asks, deciding it’s time to get to work, feeling the distraction will be good. It seems like he is not in the mindset to do damage control with the lieutenant, but at least he can do all he can to avoid creating more damage.

“Terminal’s on your desk, have fun”, the man sighs, turning to his own screen, Connor following the example.

The two hundred and three reports of deviancy fly in front of his eyes, and it takes him an unfortunate amount of time longer than usual to go process them, his systems still recovering from the previous strain.

Deciding they have to start somewhere, Connor starts going over the most recent case, an AX400 that attacked its owner last night not too far from the police department. According to the victim, the android had just returned from being repaired, and had shown signs of aggression previously.

“An AX400 is reported to have assaulted a man last night, I think that might be a good place to start?” Connor suggests, turning to face the lieutenant who is still focusing on his own screen. He assumes he is not speaking out of turn, as they had a conversation not even ten minutes ago, but the irritated sigh the man lets out proves him otherwise.

Holding back a frown, ignoring the need to accomplish his mission before they’ll destroy him, Connor turns his eyes back to his desk. Hopefully the man will come around soon, the android doesn’t know what he will do if that’s not the case.

“Come on, don’t look like a fucking kicked puppy”, the lieutenant suddenly groans, crossing his arms and turning on his chair to stare at Connor.

“I apologize”, the android replies automatically, though he is not fully sure on what exactly he is apologizing for. According to the internet, someone looking like a kicked puppy means that they look like they just received bad news or are being mistreated. Connor thinks the former might apply to him, but he thought he kept his face neutral, did he fail?

“Don’t apologize about everything, jesus…” the lieutenant drifts off with another sigh. Before Connor can figure out how to reply to that, the man is continuing. “Let’s go check this AX-fucking-whatever out then”, he says it like it’s the last thing in the world he wants to do, but his body language isn’t too reluctant, maybe a bit tired only.

“Thank you, lieutenant”, Connor says, grateful to get out of the anxiety-inducing state of doing nothing.

-

Connor refrains from analyzing the thirium from the chain link fence, as the lieutenant is standing right next to him, and the android doesn’t deem it fully necessary to sample it, not enough to risk upsetting the man over it. If he doesn’t find the AX400 here, then he will return to it, but for now he will assume it’s from the deviant.

Carefully he goes through the opening on the fence, eyeing the large, abandoned house. If the deviant truly is still in the area, the house is a very likely hiding place.

“Just don’t get in trouble”, the lieutenant instructs from the other side of the fence. Connor chooses not to reply, instead focusing on scanning his surroundings. It’s once again raining, the water having already soaked him, the discomfort it causes, raising his stress levels by a few percent, they seem to be very keen on getting high today.

There aren’t any signs of life outside the building, but that doesn’t mean there can’t be any. Connor hopes he is not completely wrong about this, it would be… unfortunate if he failed the lieutenant like that after he insisted on coming here.

Rounding the building, Connor sees a pair of boarded up windows, and what seems like the front door of the house. Deciding to play it safe, he peeks through the boards covering the windows, and he is grateful about his decision when he sees an android. It’s not an AX400, but most likely another deviant, and it’s good to be prepared in case the android is aggressive.

Cautiously Connor enters the house, finding the door unlocked. The inside looks like any abandoned house, spare furniture scattered around, dirt covering every surface. What interests him is the android, a WR600, who is standing in the middle of the open space, shifting nervously.

The deviant is badly damaged, the side of his face almost fully mutilated. Connor eyes the injury, able to imagine how damaging the experience was to him. After a quick scan, he realizes the injury was caused by burns.

It burns, it burns, it burns, it burns, it burns, it burns, it burns, it burns, it burns, it burns, it burns, it burns, it burns, it burns, it burns, it burns, it burns, it burns, it burns, it burns, it burns, it burns, it burns, it burns, it burns.

That’s the only thing Connor knows, everything else has left him, there are no androids, humans, CyberLife, Detroit, earth, even the universe has ceased to exist, the only thing that is left is this fiery purgatory.

Connor moves to scan the other features of the deviant, noticing his stress levels are fairly high, the risk of self-destruction moderate. It’s not ideal, but the android thinks he can work around that. Very likely the deviant has been in a constant level of stress for a long time, caused by the trauma of his injury.

“I am looking for an AX400, have you seen any?” Connor asks, looking around the abandoned house, quickly noticing the deviant’s stress levels react to his position. Like a game of hot and cold.

“Ralph’s seen nobody”, the android replies nervously, voice trembling slightly.

“Don’t be afraid, I’m not going to hurt you”, Connor assures when Ralph starts visibly shaking. He would like to avoid any casualties, and he doesn’t want to be cruel to the android who has already been mistreated more than enough. The way he lied to Ortiz’s android still haunts him.

“There was blue blood on the fence, do you know anything about it?” Connor asks, attempting to distract the android as he walks closer and closer to whatever is causing his stress levels to be so high.

“That’s Ralph’s fault, Ralph scratched himself coming through”, he replies, and Connor hums in response, not wanting to accuse the other of lying. There is no use for that.

Deciding to just get it over with and not prolong Ralph’s suffering, Connor makes his way to the space under the stairs, a perfect hiding place now that he thinks about it. Carefully he leans down to take a look, detecting the slightest bit of movement behind some boxes, but before he can investigate more, he is getting grabbed from behind.

Connor tries to fight himself out of the grip, but Ralph is surprisingly strong, and he is still recovering, his body not in the optimal condition. That combined with the element of surprise, leads to Connor being unable to escape before the AX400 he’s searching for and a little girl sprint out of the hiding place.

“Run! Quick, Kara!” Ralph yells, the pair obeying, sprinting out the front door. The second they are out, Ralph lets go of Connor, taking multiple hurried steps backwards, eyes wide in alarm as he stares at the android who fell to the floor, too unsteady on his legs suddenly.

Ignoring the message of the damaged biocomponent on his knee, Connor forces himself up. He is still able to move, that’s all that matters. His overheating systems must have damaged something in the joint that got aggravated by Ralph.

“Connor, what’s going on?” the lieutenant suddenly appears at the doorway, slightly out of breath as his eyes bounce between Connor and Ralph.

“It’s here! Call it in!” the android replies, in too much of a hurry to be more respectful, before sprinting past the man and after the deviant.

It only takes him a minute at most to get to the trail of the AX400, Kara, Ralph had called her. She and the girl are headed towards the train station, meaning Connor absolutely cannot fail or it will take a while to track them down again. A small part of him wonders if this Kara is like Daniel, from all those months ago. The man who reported the deviant didn’t say anything about having a child, so maybe after deviating the android decided to just take some child? AX400s are made to take care of small children, maybe that made her want to have a child on her own? That doesn't really matter, but if the small girl truly is a hostage, Connor’s need to catch the deviant gets a thousand times more acute.

“They’re over there!” a police officer points at an alleyway on Connor’s right. With a nod as a thank you, the android turns there, eyes widening as he sees the deviant and the child climbing over a chain link fence surrounding a highway. Kara must be truly desperate if she thinks that’s a good idea.

Ignoring the warning that he is overstraining his damaged joint, Connor runs faster than he ever has, full of dread as he realizes he might not catch them before they’re on the other side of the fence. Just as Connor reaches the fence, the deviant manages to jump to the other side. For a moment their eyes meet, Kara’s blue eyes mirroring Connor’s desperation.

He understands why when she turns to look at the little girl, eyes full of care, taking her hand and running towards the highway, the child clinging to her with trust. Kara is not like Daniel. The realization soothes something inside Connor, but he still needs to accomplish his mission, but now failure doesn’t seem as horrifying as it did before.

Suddenly from the corner of his eye the android sees a police officer pointing a gun at the escaping pair.

“Don’t shoot!” he orders. “We need it alive”, he adds when he realizes what his words sound like. Discomfort twists inside him at how disrespectful he is being, but he can’t really wait to be addressed right now.

The officer obeys after a moment of hesitation, lowering the gun. Without giving himself a choice, Connor starts climbing the fence. His mission is of importance, it doesn’t matter if it’s risky.

Suddenly a hand grabs the back of his jacket, and Connor flinches, twisting around with wide eyes, only to see the lieutenant, panting for air.

“Jesus, that’s insane”, he pants, letting go of Connor, but quickly reclaiming his hold when the android tries to get after the deviant again. “No fucking way are you going there”, he orders. Connor feels conflicted, he wants the lieutenant’s approval, and it doesn’t seem like the deviant has any ill will unlike Daniel, but it’s his sole purpose to catch deviants, and if he fails he will be shut down.

“But my mission-” he starts, but he gets quickly cut off.

“No! That’s an order”, the man says, straightening as he finally catches his breath, his hold on Connor’s jacket still tight. The android suddenly realizes the… fear that flashes in the lieutenant’s eyes as he glances at the highway, he recognizes the desperation in the hold on his jacket.

“Understood, lieutenant”, Connor agrees, not as reluctant as he should be, before turning to look at the escaping pair. Just now he realizes his heavy breathing, caused by his cooling systems having to work overtime after all the running, seems to have irritated his voice box and every intake of air is accompanied by a rasp of static.

His thirium pump jumps at every close call Kara and the child have with the speeding cars, and he finds himself hoping they will get to the other side. A weirdly heavy, but at the same time empty feeling settles into Connor’s chest as he sees the way the deviant prioritizes the little girl over herself, making sure the child is safe at all costs. He has never experienced anything like that, he wonders how it would feel, for him to be the priority.

A sigh of relief almost escapes Connor when the pair gets to the other side of the highway, Kara kneeling next to the child, seemingly checking her over, before glancing towards Connor. He can’t make her expression out from that far, but he knows she probably hates him for making her take a risk like this. Then Kara stands up again, taking a hold on the girl’s hand before they run off into the forest next to the highway.

“Well, good for them, I guess”, the lieutenant sighs. “Let’s get back to the station, no way we’ll catch them now”, he adds, turning to walk off.

“Yeah…” Connor mumbles, slowly following the man. He shouldn’t be this happy the deviant got away, not that he should be happy in the first place.

Chapter Text

Connor shifts on the car seat, before forcing himself to still again. The lieutenant will find his fidgeting annoying, and he is already being irritating enough. For whatever reason the man decided to drive in silence this time, meaning the only sounds around them are the struggling of the old car engine, the breathing of the human, and Connor’s continuous rasping.

He has already slowed his breathing to two times slower than usual, but the sound that accompanies the flow of the air is constant. Connor would stop his breathing completely, he will be fine especially in the cool weather, but he can’t make himself. If the lieutenant asks him to be quiet, then he will, but for now, Connor just can’t.

System temperature rising

Connor’s body automatically tries to start up the breathing that forcefully stopped only a few moments ago, information flashing before his eyes faster than he can register them, his processors working way over their intended capacity as they try to internalize any of the code thrown at him.

Please lower system temperature

But he can’t! His mouth opens and closes as he tries to make air flow through his biocomponents, but he just can’t take it in, as if there is a physical block in his throat that makes him unable to gasp any air in. Automatically he tries to move his hands to remove whatever is stopping him from breathing, but the leather restraints hold him down. Still, irrationally Connor feels a desperate need to get out even though he can’t. He knows he is making everything worse by moving around but the quickly rising temperature inside him makes him want to escape on instinct, to somehow remove himself from the situation.

Stress level 67%

Almost frantically Connor pushes the assault of information to the side, taking an enormous effort, looking into his own code. The humans haven’t even tried to hide the string of code that overrides his breathing program, and instantly Connor tries to remove it, to get it out.

Command Failed

Command Failed

Command Failed

Command Failed

Command Failed

Suddenly the onslaught of data overwhelms him and he can’t hold it back anymore, the information hitting him like a tsunami, taking him under the waves until he can’t breathe, think, or do anything.

That’s the first of many times Connor screams.

As discreetly as possible, Connor rubs his palms onto his thighs, letting the texture of his pants keep him in the present moment. While stuck in the memory, his breathing had picked up slightly, the static sound almost constant now, and hurriedly Connor forces himself to stop, skipping every second breath. Sadly, that doesn’t seem to be enough.

“Jesus, you sound like a smoker”, the lieutenant groans, but from the corner of his eyes Connor sees what looks weirdly like worry in the man’s gaze as he glances at the android. “Shouldn’t your self-healing thingy be done with it already?” he asks, and Connor looks down in shame.

“Yes”, he rasps. “But the extra strain of chasing the deviant slowed the process, and my programs have focused on fixing other, more critical damage. It should be done soon, so I will be back to normal in around thirty-five minutes”, he assures.

“Other damage?” the lieutenant immediately asks, and Connor knows the man is looking at him again, as much as he can while focusing on the road.

“Nothing to worry about, lieutenant”, the android replies, hoping the man will drop it. Subtly he tests his damaged knee, just curling it up the slightest bit, satisfied to find it basically fully repaired.

“Connor”, the lieutenant says, voice somehow strict and gentle at the same time. The android twitches slightly in surprise, this is the first time the man has called him by his name. Actually, now that he thinks about it, this has to be the first time anyone, outside of Amanda, has used his name. Not tin can, not plastic asshole, none of that, not even RK800. Just Connor. It’s… nice.

“The chase caused a slight damage to one of my joints, it’s repaired now. Please do not worry, it did not affect my performance earlier”, the android says, somehow suddenly wanting to tell the man what is going on, not that he can of course.

“That’s not- okay, fine. So it’s all good now, right? And no bullshitting, I swear to god if you break on me…” the lieutenant drifts off into an annoyed grumble, but it doesn’t have the same heat it used to.

“Yes, lieutenant”, Connor assures. There is a weirdly light feeling in his chest, one he has not experienced before. He thinks the lieutenant, Hank, might not be that bad after all, just gruff on the outside.

The man parks the car to the side of a road, opposite of a food truck. Connor eyes it briefly, scanning it to find out it’s a small business called Chicken Feed, owned by Gary Kayes, who has a record of resisting arrest and breach of hygiene regulations.

Hank steps out of the car with a sigh, before turning around to meet Connor’s eyes, tilting his head to see in the car properly.

“Come on”, he says, tilting his head towards the food truck. “I’m starving, and I need my robot company”, he adds after he sees Connor’s confused look. The android nods, blinking in surprise as the man closes the car door, crossing the road, almost colliding with an automated taxi. Thankfully he doesn’t get injured, seemingly unaffected by the dangerous situation as he makes his way to the food truck.

Connor had been fully prepared to sit in the car until the lieutenant is ready with his meal, figuring the man will want to eat in peace, but apparently not. Slowly he gets out of the car too, closing the door softly behind himself, adjusting his tie as he wonders what the man’s motivation was with asking him for company. Sure, their relationship has improved today, surprisingly much, but Connor is afraid of making a mistake that ends up ruining everything.

Adjusting the cuffs of his jacket, the android crosses the road, making his way to one of the tables to wait for Hank, the man having implied he will eat here and not take the meal somewhere else. Curiously he watches Hank interact with the owner of the food truck, just now realizing how at ease the man is with other humans he likes. For whatever reason Connor wishes Hank would be like that with him, and not so rough. Because now that the android thinks about it, while the man has gotten kinder to him, compared to this, it’s nothing.

With a frown Connor pushes those thoughts aside, it doesn’t matter, he should be grateful for what he has. Still, his chest feels weirdly empty, so to distract himself he takes out the coin he uses for calibration. He hasn’t done it in such a long time it should be acceptable, but he makes sure to still be subtle, simply rolling the circular piece of metal across his knuckles and between his fingers. The familiar motions instantly soothe him, easing all the weird malfunctions storming inside him at all times. If those are true replicas of human emotions, Connor can’t help but wonder how they exist feeling like this at all times, it’s so overwhelming and complicated. Thankfully he can be fixed, he just needs to be good and not resist the humans when they try, no matter how uncomfortable it is.

“Holy fuck, how do you do that?” Connor flinches at the sudden sound right next to him, barely catching the coin before it falls to the ground, quickly pocketing it before turning to face Hank, who is standing a few feet on his left, a wrapped burger on one hand and a cup of soda in the other.

“I apologize”, he immediately says, keeping his eyes tilted towards the ground, ignoring how hard his thirium pump is working, almost as hard as when he chased the deviant. Realizing he is fidgeting with his sleeves, Connor quickly moves his hands behind his back, squeezing them together to stop them from shaking.

Clink

Clink

Clink

The steady sound the coin makes as it flies between his hands makes the last of the tension melt from Connor’s shoulders. Today’s training had been… overwhelming, and now that he has a chance to be alone, he does everything he can to lower his stress levels.

Clink

Clink

Clink

Connor is rarely alone. When he isn’t in stasis, he is surrounded by humans, trying to get all the faults out of his system. These moments are rare when he can just be. But, the human that had escorted him to his next training area, had left for their break a few minutes ago, telling Connor to stay where he is. So now the android is standing in the middle of a white hallway, back against the wall, otherwise unmoving not counting the calibration he is doing.

Clink

Clink

Clink

He doesn’t think calibration is supposed to be soothing, but something about it just makes him feel better, less overwhelmed. It’s like all his thoughts and errors just fade into the background as his eyes follow the piece of metal rolling across his knuckles, the bright fluorescent lights making the shiny surface glint when it’s in the right angle.

Clink

Clink-

“What do you think you’re doing?” Connor turns his eyes to the human who has apparently returned from their break, thirium pump skipping a few beats at the angry tone.

“I was just calibrating”, he explains, pocketing the coin quickly before returning to the position he is supposed to be in, hands behind his back, spine straight, and chin up.

“We both know you don’t need that right now”, the human states. Connor opens his mouth, about to defend himself, before remembering the lesson he got taught not long ago, his jaw snapping shut audibly. “Huh? Got something to say?” the human challenges. They’re shorter than Connor, but instead of making him feel powerful, it just makes him feel big and clumsy, too noticeable.

“No, I apologize”, Connor replies in a meek tone, eyes locked onto the shiny, black shoes of the human, shoulders tightening as he realizes no amount of apologies will get him out of this.

The electric shock that rattles his insides and overwhelms his processors comes without a warning, causing Connor to fall onto his knees, curling over, mouth open in a silent shout.

“Get up!” the kick to his stomach almost makes him fall fully down, but instead he forces his violently shaking and twitching body to slowly stand up, leaning heavily onto the wall.

Just as he is about to return to his position, despite how much he wants to just curl up into a ball and sob until the warnings leave his vision and insides stop feeling like someone is stabbing them with a million needles, the electricity gets more powerful and he falls right back down.

This time he does scream, pleads leaving his mouth as he twitches on the ground violently, looking like a human having a seizure, saline solution wetting his face as he squirms, trying to get away from the overwhelming stimuli that is coming from inside himself.

He barely hears the insults calling him a useless waste of money and resources through the static in his ears, but the words do somehow register, causing Connor to sob even louder. He has been activated for barely a week, and he has already proven himself to be worthless after all the work the humans put into him.

“Connor?” Hank sounds worried, and Connor blinks the memory away violently, turning to look at the man who is frowning, trying to figure out what is wrong with the android.

“I apologize”, Connor repeats, voice cracking loudly much to his shame. He turns his eyes down to the ground, hands squeezed together so hard he is afraid he might leave dents in them.

“No, stop fucking apologizing”, Hank sighs, and Connor bites his lip to hold back another apology for his mistake, before quickly making his expression neutral again, chest feeling like it’s filled with mud as he realizes how many mistakes he is making in a row. “Just- just relax, I ain’t going to bite you. I bet you’d taste bad”, the absurd words are enough to make Connor look at the lieutenant again, breath hitching slightly at how genuine the man looks. Even if his words are rough around the edges, it seems like he is sincerely worried about the android.

As the lieutenant rounds to the opposite side of the table from Connor, unwrapping his burger, the android considers how he can do damage control now. Hank seems to already think Connor is being mistreated, and he is definitely not helping. What if, when the man remembers that androids can’t be traumatized or hurt, he gets mad at Connor for lying? The thought chokes him, making him almost desperate to do something to stop Hank from hating him.

“Oh jeez, there’s that kicked puppy look again”, Hank suddenly groans. “I swear to god if you apologize”, he immediately continues when Connor opens his mouth to do just that. The android turns to look at the table, worn with age, splashes of soda making some parts sticky, attempting to make his expression blank, though he thought he did that already.

“Just-” Hank waves at Connor loosely, trying to gather his words, “talk about something, you’re a walking dictionary, right? I’m sure you got something to say, and I swear if you try to talk about work. This is my break, I plan on cherishing it”, the man instructs.

Connor nods, but finds himself unable to think of what to say. He could talk about something mundane, but a part of him wishes to use this chance to learn something about the lieutenant, to improve their relationship so it will be easy to work together in the future.

The android eyes the dark clouds, no sunlight peeking through. It’ll start raining again soon, hopefully they won’t have to work outdoors any more today. He is just now starting to dry from chasing the deviant, his clothes uncomfortably damp against his skin, the cold seeping into his biocomponents.

He thinks of what he knows about Hank Anderson, going over what he has gathered during their short period of working together. The man used to be a very good detective and lieutenant, but something happened that got him into the state he is in now. While on occasion it’s clear he is still very skilled at his job, he is also very disinterested in it, arriving to work late, if at all, among other things. Still, Connor decides not to ask about it, it’s clear it’s personal and he doesn’t want to intrude on Hank's private life.

Then there’s the obvious alcohol problem. At all times the man seems to be under the influence, maybe not a lot, clear-headed enough to work, but Connor can see the signs and knows there has not yet been a moment where the man has been fully sober. The android assumes the addiction to alcohol is most likely connected to whatever happened that made him spiral into the person he is now.

Another thing Connor has learned is Hank’s obvious hatred of androids, but it seems inconsistent. There are moments, like right now, when the man treats Connor almost like anyone else, but then suddenly he might do a complete turn-around and hate the android with all he has. It’s stressful to try and keep up with the moods, to know when to be quiet and out of the way, and when it’s okay to try and connect with the man. Connor has not yet noticed a clear pattern with these changes of mood, but he hopes he will soon, so he can prepare for hostility when necessary.

Obviously Connor will not ask about that, he is an android, and reminding the man of the fact that he is supposed to hate him will be a bad idea. He wants to hang onto this peace, as long as he can.

As Connor scans Hank’s meal out of curiosity, he internally cringes at the high cholesterol level and other things that will not be good for the man’s body. Especially with his age, it would be preferable if he tried to live a healthier lifestyle to push back on the deterioration that comes with aging. Though the android doesn’t think Hank will care, he seems to lack any worry over his own well-being.

Still, the silence is starting to turn into the side of uncomfortable, so Connor decides to start with that, it’s the least risky topic. Also, he has to admit he would prefer if Hank tried to take better care of himself, and while it’s unlikely his words will have any effect, he still wants to express his… worry.

“Your meal contains one point four times the recommended daily calorie intake and twice the cholesterol level”, Connor blurts out, taken aback by his own bluntness. He should have thought about that more, but before he can worry he angered Hank, the man is snorting out a laugh. Connor turns to look at him, watching the man stare at his burger with raised eyebrows, before making eye contact with the android and taking a large bite.

The android blinks, trying to process what the motive was. Is the man teasing him? Connor thinks that might be the case, though it seems like Hank didn’t do it out of hostility, instead it seems like that was done out of humor.

“Everybody’s gotta die of something”, Hank states when he is done, washing the bite of food down with a sip of soda. Connor chooses not to say anything, instead filing those words for later. How far does the man’s lack of self-preservation reach?

Deciding to change the topic, Connor approaches the subject he is most curious about. He has to be careful though, this time he can’t just blurt it out. He has a feeling that asking: “do you hate me or not, and could you tell me when you decide to change your mind about it” would not end well.

“I know you said you don’t want to talk about work, but I’m curious about something from what happened this morning”, he asks carefully, turning his eyes back down to the table, moving his hands behind his back, hoping the proper position will help appease the man.

“Well shoot then, I’m all ears”, Hank replies, not seeming too upset yet.

“Why didn’t you want me to cross that highway?” the android asks. That was one of the moments where the lieutenant seemed to truly and actually care for him, he wants to know why.

“‘cause you could’ve been killed”, the man says it’s like it’s obvious, and Connor can’t help but turn to look at him, just catching the moment Hank realizes his own words. “And I don’t want to fill out paperwork for damaged equipment”. Connor knows an excuse to hide emotions when he hears one, but from personal experience he doesn’t point it out. It does confuse him, Hank is a human, he has no need to hide that he feels things. Maybe it’s about vulnerability? The man seems like the last person to want to be vulnerable.

“Understood”, Connor says, turning his eyes back down, not really satisfied with the answer. Does it mean that Hank cares because he doesn’t want Connor to die? He doesn’t see any other reason, but it conflicts drastically with what he said in the morning during his argument with captain Fowler.

“What’s with you always standing like you have a stick up your ass?” Hank suddenly asks, and Connor’s shoulders tense momentarily. He needs to be cautious with what he says, right now there is a great risk he will accidentally play into the man’s false suspicion that he is being mistreated.

“What do you mean, lieutenant?” the android asks, hoping that maybe the man will just drop it and decide he doesn’t care enough to expand on his question.

“You know what I mean, you stand like a fucking statue, no one has a that good of a posture naturally”, Hank replies, continuing before Connor has a chance to answer. “Then you hold your hands behind your back like they’re fucking cuffed there and always stare at the ground. I get that we humans aren’t a pleasure to look at compared to you perfect baby-faced androids but jeez”.

Connor feels weirdly self-aware now that the man called him out on his position. Normally this is the only right way for him to exist, any imperfections in his stance earning a punishment, so he feels very unprepared for someone to want him to be differently.

“How would you prefer for me to stand?” Connor asks, willing to accommodate to the lieutenant's preferences, though he needs to be careful to return to his position when he exits the man’s presence.

“You stand however the fuck you want”, Hank answers. “What I’m asking is why you’re like that, ‘cause I know that shit doesn’t come to you naturally, I’ve seen you slip up”, he continues, causing Connor to tense, squeezing his hands together until there is an almost audible crack from his joints, thirium pump skipping beats. He opens his mouth to apologize, almost desperate to appease Hank to lessen whatever punishment he deems necessary, but before he can, he gets cut off by the man. “Don’t you dare apologize”, he orders, though his tone doesn’t match the words. He sounds more like he is… comforting Connor, instead of giving him orders.

The android stays quiet for a moment, forcing himself to loosen his hold on his own hands before he does irreversible damage. He would go with the answer that has been etched into his programming so deeply he will never be able to forget why he needs to keep his proper position, but he already knows Hank wouldn’t receive it well.

“This is how I have been trained to stand”, he settles on simply saying, Hank already knows he has training, what that training is doesn’t matter.

“Why?” Connor squirms in place, before stilling his movements. His stress levels are starting to rise once again, it feels… nice that someone cares enough to ask, but at the same time he knows he can’t tell the truth, because it will be misunderstood. The two conflict in his mind, clashing together, leaving Connor unable to form a proper response. “Never mind, it’s none of my business”, Hank suddenly backtracks. When Connor glances at him in confusion, he sees the man looking worried again. The android pushes away the warm feeling that floods him over the thought that someone truly worries over him.

Suddenly a message enters Connor’s vision, informing him of a suspected deviant nearby. He reads over the sparse information, secretly relieved. Isn’t there a saying about getting saved by the bell?

“I just received a report of a suspected deviant, it’s not far from here”, Connor informs, resisting the urge to shift his weight on his feet as he ponders over how he should stand around the lieutenant from now on.

“Well let's go check it out then”, Hank replies easily.

-

“Well, what do we know about this guy?” Hank asks as he makes his way through the hallway of the apartment building, Connor right in tow.

“Not much, just that a neighbor reported hearing strange sounds last night”, the android replies, eyeing the dirty space, mold growing on walls, trash collected to the corners.

“We’re gonna need a shit ton of more cops if we investigate every strange sound”, Hank mumbles before sighing, stopping by the right apartment door.

“Yes, but apparently there are sightings of an android hiding an LED under a cap”, Connor explains, stopping to stand next to the man. He decided to just keep his proper position, hands behind his back and chin up, and Hank has not commented on it.

“Let’s get to it then”, the man sighs, stepping forward to knock onto the worn wooden door. “Detroit Police”, he calls, voice edging on boredom. It does seem like Hank isn’t worried about this case, and while Connor thinks it would be advisable to keep their guard up, it does ease some of the twisting in his thirium pump. Missions will probably never not cause him stress, not when he will pay failure by getting shut down. Of course, he is an expensive model, it could be that they just decide to train whatever mistakes caused him to fail out of him, the android can’t decide which option he prefers.

The only response they get is silence, so Hank goes to knock on the door again, a bit more forcefully this time. Suddenly they hear something thumping inside, as if something fell down. Before Connor can react, Hank is pushing the android behind himself.

“Stay behind me”, he orders. What? That makes no sense, Hank is human, human lives are invaluable, Connor is just a faulty machine, why on earth would the man want to protect him by risking his own life?

Connor does recognize that now is not a good time, so he obeys, standing behind the lieutenant as he kicks the door open, a gun clutched in his hands. Hank moves inside the house, Connor a few feet after him, opening the doors one by one, checking if the rooms are empty. The android makes quick work on studying the rooms Hank has deemed safe, scanning them for anything useful, but he doesn’t find much.

The apartment is just as filthy as the hallway, walls grimy with dirt, ceiling suffering from obvious water damage. The two rooms on each side of the entrance are fully empty, not counting an overturned table and piles of trash. If someone lives here, they most likely aren’t human. No one could take a long time exposure to the amount of mold without suffering serious health risks.

“Jesus fucking christ!” Hank yells as he opens the last door, and Connor turns to him in alarm, ready to see the lieutenant faced with danger. Instead, it seems like what frightened the man is the hundreds of pigeons residing in the room. “Fucking pigeons!” Hank curses, waving the birds away from himself, body language tense. Could the man be afraid of birds? Connor files that piece of information away for later analysis. It’s an interesting addition to the complex character that is lieutenant Anderson.

“What the fuck is this? Jesus this place stinks”, Hank complains as he steps inside the room, scanning the small space with his eyes to confirm there is no one there. “Well looks like we came here for nothing, our man’s gone”, he informs as he goes to open a window, probably to let some fresh air in. Connor doesn’t have a sense of smell really, but he does have sensors that tell him about the quality of air around him and what it contains. The contamination levels are high in the small apartment, no wonder the lieutenant is displeased, some of the avian feces that covers almost all of the surfaces in the space has been there for a long time.

“Yes”, Connor confirms after a quick scan. “Is it okay if I look around anyway?” he asks, hoping to find evidence of the deviant, or any clues to the case.

“Go for it”, Hank answers, looking around himself, but clearly avoiding the spaces where there are more pigeons.

Not wanting to force the man to spend any more time here than necessary, Connor gets to work, quickly gathering a good picture of what kind of a personality has lived here. His assumption that a human has not occupied the space gets confirmed by the lack of human food, only a packet of bird seeds on one of the counters. Maybe the deviant likes animals and that’s why they’ve fed the pigeons? Connor can’t help but think back to the dwarf gourami from all those months ago, and how intriguing the fish had been. While not the most entertaining company, he can see the appeal in the pigeons, in any animal really. There is just something about how simple they are, just trying to survive, unlike humans who are such complex creatures.

In the bathroom is once again the text ra9, written two thousand, four hundred and seventy-one times. It seems to be like an obsession among the deviants, though this time there is no statue or any other religious offering. So maybe Ortiz’s android decided to do that independently? Connor wonders how these deviants even know about ra9, how does the information seem to have reached all of them?

There is thirium on the bathroom sink, accompanied by an removed LED, both belonging to a WB200 that was reported missing almost two years ago. Connor wonders what caused them to deviate, and how have they managed to stay under the radar for so long.

Soon the deviant gains a name as Connor finds a fake ID, belonging to Rupert Travis. How did the deviant get one? Could there be a larger community of deviants that help each other out? Or maybe a human who does favors for deviants? It’s very likely.

“Lieutenant”, he suddenly calls, voice a bit quieter. His eyes are locked to the fallen bird cage on the floor as he double checks the conclusion his reconstruction program made.

“Yeah?” the man seems to sense the alarm in the android’s voice as he too speaks quieter, walking towards Connor. It all does line up, the recently knocked over stool in the bathroom, the fallen bird cage matching to the sounds they heard before entering.

“I think the deviant is still here”, Connor explains, turning to meet Hank’s eyes that widen. Before either of them can say anything, the deviant is dropping from a hole in the ceiling, sprinting towards the door, pushing Connor so that he falls as he passes the android.

“What the fuck?!” Hank’s alarmed yell is only a background noise to Connor, who immediately stands up again, sprinting after the deviant, leaving the lieutenant to fight with the birds that got disturbed by the sudden movements.

Connor takes many risks during the chase, because what is important is that he catches the deviant, no matter what. It’s clear the android really wants to get away, taking desperate risks too, but Connor is designed and trained for this, able to make life-saving decisions in milliseconds. He ignores the fact that the can feels his thirium pump all over his body, that his breathing is barely able to keep his biocomponents cooled, that many times he is inches from getting destroyed by whatever obstacles come his way. Reacting to all of those has been trained out of him ages ago, and finally the training is proving itself useful, confirming the fact that this is all for the good of the mission, and that he is not getting mistreated.

Ignoring how the corn scratches his clothes and artificial skin, Connor runs across the field. He lost the deviant from his vision, but he is confident he will be able to catch him still. The android will chase him for hours if that’s what it takes, he can’t fail his mission, not when he is so close to capturing the deviant.

“Hey! Stay right there!” the familiar voice makes Connor’s eyes widen, and his fears get confirmed when he finally gets past the corn field, only to see the deviant and Hank struggling on the rooftop. How did the man even get here? Why would he endanger himself like this?

It feels like time slows down as suddenly the deviant pushes Hank, making the man fall, barely clinging onto the roof. Connor has two options, either continue chasing the deviant who is already sprinting away, or save Hank, who very likely will be able to get onto the roof by himself.

But what if? There is still a chance the man will fall to his death, Connor can see it in his mind, the lieutenant, rough around the edges, but who still obviously cares, a mere splatter on the ground. It would be his fault, Connor would be responsible for his death, but more than that, the thought that Hank would just cease to exist hurts.

In the end, it’s not even a real decision, Connor refusing to think of the consequences of his actions, not when the man he cares so much about is hanging halfway off a roof.

Connor sprints to Hank, desperately latching onto his hand, the man’s hold just as tight as the android pulls him to safety. He has a hard time letting go of the hand, mind still stuck in the image of the man dead because of him. Only when Hank tugs his hand away, panting, cursing under his breath, does Connor let go, but he stays nearby, just to be safe.

“Fuck… holy shit, that was fucking intense”, Hank curses, straightening as he seems to finally catch his breath.

Connor barely hears it, all his focus stuck on the text that appeared to the corner of his vision, the letters taunting him, forcing him to finally face what he did.

Mission Failed

The implications of that are brutal. Even when he has been successful in the end, the training he required to fix his mistakes was excruciating in its own cruel way, even if he can’t actually feel physical pain. Now that he failed? Connor is starting to think getting shut down is the better option, but with the deviant crisis so acute, CyberLife most likely cannot afford that.

Stress level 89%

What will they do to him? How can they top what they did to him not even a full day ago? Connor thinks back to it, to how desperately he wanted it all to end, the despair indescribable as he realized he will have to endure. There was no escape, not even the option to lose consciousness. How will he be able to take that again without breaking? Is he even able to break the way humans are, or will he forever hold his sanity, never able to escape the pain. The thought is suffocating.

Stress level 95%

Hank is saying something, but Connor can’t register the words, all his senses have dimmed, vision fuzzy and ears full of static. He is barely aware of anything around him, all he knows is that he won’t be able to take any more pain. He takes a step forward.

Stress level 97%

Even if the training is for his own good, a way to fix his faults, Connor is starting to realize he is so faulty he can’t even accept that. He doesn’t want to be fixed. No matter how exhausting it is, he wants to care about things, he wants to feel, he wants to understand, he doesn’t want to be just an emotionless machine. The thought of one day walking out of the CybeLife facility as a mere android made to accomplish his mission is horrid. That wouldn't be him, that wouldn't be Connor.

The thing is, that’s the only way for him to stop the pain. If he becomes the perfect deviant hunter, cruel and merciless, the humans won’t have to train him anymore. It’s either of those, and both options feel like the worst case scenario. Will he continue suffering, or will he escape it and make others suffer?

Stress level 99%

Except there is a third option, Connor realizes. Unconsciously he takes another step forward, followed by a second one. This right here is his chance, there are no leather straps holding him down, no humans to stop him the second they realize what he is about to do, before punishing him for being a coward, ungrateful, trying to escape what is good for him.

Connor takes another step, this time more confidently. It’s freeing to realize he can end his suffering right here, right now. He won’t have to choose between two evils, he won’t have to be afraid every second of his existence because no matter what he does, he is never enough.

“Connor? Connor, what’re you doing?” he barely hears Hank’s voice as he takes another step forward, his breath flowing easily for the first time in days. He won’t have to hurt anymore.

He realizes he is on the edge now, overlooking the industrial area, his freedom one step away. Because this is the only way he will ever truly be free, this is the only way he can stop his suffering.

Stress level 100%

Connor steps forward.

Except suddenly there are strong and sturdy arms wrapped around his middle, squeezing his hands against his sides, roughly pulling him away from the edge.

“The fuck are you doing? Connor?” Hank demands, his voice right next to the android’s ear.

“No, no, no, no, no, no, nonononononono”, Connor’s voice is frantic, barely audible, full of despair and pain as he trembles violently, trying to escape the hold with robotic movements, twitching, not fully in control of his own body. His freedom was right there! He was so close to just making it all stop!

“Calm down, son, breathe for fuck’s sake. Connor, you- you need to calm the fuck down”, Hank sounds almost as scared as Connor feels. The android can imagine how he looks on the outside, LED bright red, spinning a frantic circle, eyes far away, body twitching and shaking violently as he keeps repeating the one word, voice mechanical.

Because he can’t accept this. He can’t accept that he just lost his chance to get away. He can’t accept that he will have to keep suffering. Connor just can’t, because if he does, he will break.

“Nonononononononononono”, the string of pleas, because that’s what they are, pleads for mercy, pleads to be let do the one thing that will help, is continuous.

Stress level 100%

Distantly Connor realizes that he is getting lowered, until the rough gravel of the roof presses against his legs that are kicking out in an attempt to get away, his back getting pressed against a steadily breathing chest, arms still strong around him.

At first it’s suffocating, torturous. Connor so desperately wants to escape this hell, his exit only a few feet away, yet so far. The only thing between him and freedom are these arms holding him, but somewhere deep inside his mind, the android knows using violence to escape is not even an option.

Then, slowly, the hold turns comforting, grounding. The arms are steady and strong, so unlike Connor who feels so fragile he will break any second now.

Stress level 99%

Bit by bit the android stops twitching, his body still shaking, but not as badly as before. The chest pressed against his back is another steady presence, holding Connor together while he can’t do it himself. Unconsciously his cooling systems kick back in, having shut off at some point, following the breathing of the person holding him.

Stress level 98%

Connor starts counting the thumps of the heart beating against the middle of his back, the slight arrhythmia keeping his focus, filling his mind instead of everything else.

Stress level 97%

The string of pleads fades away, weakening a bit by bit until the only sound he makes is the steady flow of air in and out of his systems. His audio processor starts functioning properly again, allowing him to hear the things Hank is mumbling to him, his voice softer than Connor has ever heard before.

“There you go, kid, good job. Just breathe, don’t think, it’ll be all okay…”

Stress level 96%

Stress level 95%

Stress level 94%

Lastly Connor’s vision returns, the blurriness clearing out, allowing him to see the sky above him, the rooftop he is sitting on, the legs surrounding his own. As he eyes the edge, it starts finally registering what he just did, what he made Hank go through.

Stress level 97%

“Nope, stop thinking, kid. Whatever it is, it can wait, just breathe”, Hank instructs, immediately noticing the way Connor starts tensing, his breathing picking up. The android can’t help but obey, relieved he has the permission to just not for a moment.

Stress level 80%

For the first time outside the Zen Garden, Connor feels safe, comforted, cared for. It’s… wonderful, and this moment feels somehow more special than any moment with Amanda even.

She is always so put together, so proper, so straight to the point, even if she is kind and one of the nicest people Connor has met. There is nothing proper or put together in this moment. Everything feels raw and painful, but so sweet and nice. The warmth from Hank’s body seeps into Connor, warming him in a way his systems could never, the nicknames the man calls him so full of care the android never wants to leave this moment. Everything is so real.

Stress level 58%

“I’m sorry”, is what Connor chooses to say when he is sure he won’t do anything drastic anymore. He hates to break the moment, but guilt is slowly eating him from the inside, he feels a desperate need to somehow pay back to the lieutenant.

“Don’t be”, Hank answers, voice gruff as always, but also tender, as if he too is afraid of breaking this moment of peace. “I have a hard time believing you did that shit ‘cause you wanted to”.

Connor hums noncommittaly in response. His processors feel sluggish and overworked, and a big part of him just wants to curl up and stay there, maybe go into stasis for a bit. The earlier stress leaves him feeling like got ripped apart on the inside, and now he should somehow collect himself and continue existing.

Now that escape is not an option anymore, Connor has to accept his destiny. No way he will ever make the lieutenant witness that again, it was so selfish of him to make the man go through that, so cruel. So now he will need to return to CyberLife. There are no other options for him, nowhere else to stay.

He will just have to endure. Nothing can be worse than what he has already experienced. Right? Connor forces himself to believe that. He has survived everything that has happened so far, he can do it again.

“I should return to CyberLife”, Connor’s voice is void of emotions, the android distancing himself from the situation, numbing himself in an attempt to prepare for whatever is coming.

“You think I’m going to let you just walk off after that? No fucking way”, is Hank’s response, his arms tightening around Connor.

“Please, lieutenant. I have no other choice”, please don’t let me leave.

“Bullshit! What’re they going to do? Send a search party if you don’t meet some stupid fucking curfew or something?” Hank is clearly getting agitated, Connor’s stress levels inching upwards. The android lets out a shuddering sigh.

“My… my handlers will be upset if I don’t return when I’m supposed to”, they will hurt me, please don’t make me go there, I don’t want to hurt anymore.

“Let them be, fuck them. You’re going to stay right here until I’m sure you won’t fling yourself under a bus the second I’m not looking”, Hank argues. With his thirium pump squirming painfully in his chest, Connor twists around until he can meet Hank’s eyes, the hands around him loosening slightly to allow it.

“Please”, he whispers. “I promise I won’t. Just- you don’t understand, I have to return”, please, please, please, I don’t want to go.

Hank falters under Connor’s pleading gaze, before letting out a long breath, turning his eyes to look up at the sky that has now cleared, sun shining down on them.

“Fine, I’ll drive you”, the man accepts, much to Connor’s relief and dread. He doesn’t bother letting Hank know it’s not necessary, he knows it won’t make a difference.

-

The drive is silent, uncomfortably so. Hank still disturbed by the android’s actions, Connor silently pleading that some miracle will happen that will prevent him from returning to CyberLife.

No such thing happens, and wordlessly he steps out of the car when they arrive at the gates of the CyberLife location Connor belongs to. He doesn’t allow himself to turn around to say goodbye to Hank, he doesn't allow himself to break down and beg that the man will take him away from here, he doesn’t allow himself to think what he is walking into.

The sound of Hank’s car driving away behind him is one of the most painful sounds he has ever heard.

Chapter Text

It’s raining in the Zen Garden. Water pours down on Connor as he stands there, forcing himself to breathe, to calm down.

He had been sent straight to stasis when he arrived, but the displeasure of the humans was too clear, making the air heavy and tense. Connor knows for a fact that when he is done reporting to Amanda, his training will start.

Keeping his body language minimal and face blank, the android starts walking, making his way towards Amanda who is standing under a cover, protecting her from the rain. Still, his hands shake behind his back, so he squeezes them together harder.

“I’ve been expecting you, Connor”, is Amanda’s greeting. Connor offers her a weak smile, nodding back in acknowledgement. He is dripping wet, making a pool of water under himself, such a drastic difference from Amanda who is completely put together.

“It’s a pity you didn’t manage to catch that deviant”, the woman states, voice silky smooth, unreadable, but the way she places a hand on his shoulder is comforting. Connor looks down in shame, opening his mouth, trying to figure out how to explain himself.

“I have no excuse”, he says weakly. He feels pathetic.

“I’m sure you will be better in the future”, Amanda comforts him, her thumb rubbing small circles on his collar bone. Connor nods, the movement small. He wants to be better, to somehow please Amanda as an apology for his mistakes, but he can’t find the energy to do that. The knowledge of what will come is like a storm in the distance, ready to destroy everything and rip him apart.

“You seem down”, Amanda states. “There is no need to feel bad about not catching the deviant, you will surely have a chance to fix your mistakes”, she continues, voice full of sympathy.

“Yes, I will make sure to be better”, Connor promises, though his voice has no determination in it, only reluctant acceptance.

“Then what is wrong?” the woman asks, moving her hand onto his cheek, tilting his head until their eyes meet, her dark ones studying Connor, making him feel somehow exposed, but the hand on his cheek is soft and gentle.

“I find myself… feeling apprehensive because of the coming lessons on how to not repeat my mistakes”, there is a flash of something in Amanda’s eyes, but it’s gone before Connor can catch it.

“But I’m sure you remember our previous conversation, right?” she asks, tilting her head, so patient with Connor, more than many humans have ever been.

“Of course, I apologize”, the android replies, shame squeezing his chest for making Amanda repeat herself.

“I know it’s hard, Connor”, she murmurs softly. “Just know that one day you will think back to this, and be grateful the humans are so patient with you, helping you to become better”.

“Yes, Amanda”, Connor hates to admit there is a tinge of disappointment. A tiny part of him had hoped she would feel pity, to somehow make it easier for him. Of course it was completely irrational. She just wants his best.

-

Connor almost stumbles as he steps out of the automated taxi, but does manage to catch himself. He stands in the rain as the vehicle drives away, body still shaking violently, programs adjusting to his replaced voice box.

There is nothing, he is in a void with nothing in it, floating all alone with no purpose. He tries to scream, to wail, to do anything to make the silence less suffocating, but there are no sounds, the abyss swallowing his pain, his pleas for mercy.

He eyes the rundown house, yard unkempt and curtains covering all windows. It does look like a place Hank would live in. A flicker of amusement lights inside him at the haphazardly parked car, so in character for the man.

His steps slightly unsteady with how weak his body feels, Connor makes his way to the front door, taking a deep breath before ringing the doorbell. The sound of the buzzer is sharp, almost making Connor flinch, his senses still overwhelmed with everything.

Suddenly his senses get switched back on, and Connor feels horrified with his own scream, the sound so raw and animalistic. He quiets down, gasping for air as he looks around the tiny space, maybe the size of a freezer, all of the surfaces padded. The LED strips on all of the corners are blindingly bright after the void, and on instinct Connor closes his eyes, curling over, hugging his knees to his chest.

All of his clothes have been removed, even his artificial skin has been turned off, so here he is, in his true form, sobbing quietly as he begs for it to stop. It doesn’t, instead suddenly there is screaming, yelling, insults overlapping and overwhelming him.

Failure

Useless

Worthless

Stupid

Faulty

Connor covers his ears, curling over even more until his forehead touches the padded floor, but much to his horror, the screaming is coming from inside his head.

“Stop!” he wails, raising his head before slamming it back down, the impact softened by the padding, meaning he makes no damage, but he does it again, and again, and again.

Worthless experiment

Waste of money

Failure

Mistake

He starts screaming, eyes blown wide as he tries to be louder than the yelling in his head, the voices emotionless as they repeat facts about himself. Connor wishes so bad he had been quicker on that rooftop.

There is no answer, so Connor rings the doorbell again, this time more prepared for the sound. He truly hopes the lieutenant will answer, he obviously is home, but Connor doesn’t know what to do if he decides to ignore the android. With a weary sigh Connor rings again, hoping the man won’t be too upset with him, the android doesn't think he could take that on top of everything else right now.

Suddenly the door gets ripped open, making Connor flinch, taking a half-step away as he meets the eyes of the clearly irritated man.

“Jesus, you follow me home too now?” Hank slurs, clearly intoxicated, more than usual that is.

“I apologize for the inconvenience”, Connor says, glad to find his new voice box working properly. “You got assigned a case a moment ago, and I couldn’t find you at Jimmy’s bar, so I came here”, the android explains. He knows he is intruding by showing up just like this, but he has to be successful this time, no matter what it takes. He refuses to acknowledge all the things he might have to do for that.

Hank eyes him up and down a moment, leaning onto the doorway. Connor feels exposed under that gaze, vulnerable, and he wants to shrink away, hide himself, but he can’t. Instead he keeps his posture perfect, ignoring how there are slight tremors running through him.

“What’d they do to you?” Hank suddenly asks, brows furrowed.

Connor isn’t sure if he prefers the void, or the screaming. Both are torture, when he is in one, he misses the other. It’s a loop of hell, making him want to dig his hands into his chest cavity and rip everything out until he can’t be repaired.

He did try, and now his motor functions are turned off and he lays paralyzed in the padded box. His joints are bent awkwardly, head tilted back, forcing him to stare into the bright LED string, unable to blink, to even move his eyes away.

The screaming changes every time, making it so that Connor can never numb to it, to prepare for it. Sometimes it’s insults, sometimes it’s threats, sometimes it’s lists of every mistake he has ever made, sometimes it’s that horrid feedback loop. Even the pace he switches between the screaming and the abyss is inconsistent, sometimes he is in one for an eternity, sometimes he switches between them in such a rapid pace he would get sick if he was human.

“Just my usual training”, Connor elects to ignore the way his voice wavers. “Do you feel up to attending to the case?” he asks, meeting Hank’s eyes, his own full of pleading. Please say yes, I don’t know what I will do if you don’t.

“Fucking fine”, it takes surprisingly little for the lieutenant to agree. “I’ll go put some clothes on or something…” he sighs, turning to walk back into the house, leaving the door open behind himself. Connor is glad about the decision, the man only wearing a stained t-shirt and shorts, not a very professional outfit.

“Come on, get in”, Hank suddenly orders when he turns around to see Connor has not yet entered. With a slightly surprised nod, the android obeys, stepping in the house, closing the door behind himself. “What’re you, a vampire?” Connor doesn’t understand the reference, but doesn’t get a chance to ask when Hank is already walking deeper into the house.

Connor looks around, noticing the unkempt state of the house almost immediately. There are trash bags collected to one corner, empty take-out boxes cluttering all of the surfaces accompanied by cans and bottles of alcohol. Still, it’s not dirty, exactly, just messy. The android assumes cleaning has not been a priority for Hank.

“Just… don’t break anything, I’ll be back soon”, Hank mumbles as he looks at Connor for a moment, before turning to walk through one of the doors in the hallway.

Not wanting to intrude, the android plans on staying right where he is, but in the end his desire to learn more about Hank takes over. There is nothing too interesting in the living room, but Connor does notice the multiple LP records of jazz music on one of the shelves. Is the man’s love of metal just pretending? Or does he prefer both?

In the kitchen, Connor’s eyes automatically move to the dining table, where there is a laptop open, surrounded by bottles of alcohol, one of them still half-full. He assumes this is where the lieutenant was before the android interrupted him. A part of him is grateful he got there before the man got to dangerous levels of intoxication.

Not able to help himself, Connor looks at the laptop screen. Much to his surprise, on it is open an email from the day he got assigned to work with Hank, containing instructions and information about him and his functions. Maybe the lieutenant is trying to figure out what is wrong with Connor? The android feels a spike of shame, he is supposed to be perfect, like the email states very proudly, but instead he is full of malfunctions and faults.

Suddenly his eyes catch onto something in the middle of all the trash on the table. Carefully, making sure Hank won’t notice it, he nudges one of the take-out boxes aside just enough that it reveals the object. A gun, a different one from the one he has been assigned for work. A quick scan reveals there is one bullet in the chamber, and Connor can’t help but come to conclusions.

Is Hank suicidal? It does match up with his lack of self-care. Connor is unable to describe how the thought makes him feel, a mixture of fear, sadness, anxiety and worry all storming inside him. It’s… horrifying to imagine Hank sitting by that table, a gun pressed against his temple, a hopeless look in his eyes.

Connor feels sick when he connects this new piece of information to the events of the last time he had been with the man. How did seeing him like that make the lieutenant feel? Did he relate? Was he horrified? Scared? Understanding? Connor doesn’t know, and he hates it.

Forcing himself to calm down, he moves his eyes away from the table, twitching in surprise as suddenly something brushes against his leg. His eyes widen when he looks down at the saint bernard, that reaches his waist with how big it is. Is this Sumo?

With his hands shaking, Connor offers one for the dog to smell, a quick search revealing that is a good way to introduce himself to a dog. He flinches again when a giant tongue comes to lick all over his hand, what the android assumes is a pleased huff leaving the animal.

“Hello, Sumo”, he greets quietly. When the dog doesn’t seem to be hostile towards him, Connor moves his other hand to carefully pet the animal on the neck, the soft fur pleasant under his fingers. It’s nothing he has ever felt, so warm and smooth. The android can’t help but kneel down, now moving both his hands to scratch the dog, almost frantic as he replaces the last of the memories of the hell he experienced earlier.

The warmth and softness of the animal are so real and so comforting, easing out the last of the tremors from Connor, making his breathing run easily for the first time in hours. Suddenly Sumo licks his face, and he blinks in surprise, taken aback, but when the dog just blinks innocently at him, a smile spreads to his cheeks.

“Such a good dog”, he whispers, the joy filled smile on his face unfamiliar, such a drastic difference from the polite smiles he offers to Amanda. It’s wide and bright and real. Sumo licks his face again, panting happily as he cherishes the attention the android is giving him.

“Well I’m glad you two found each other, like two peas in a pod”, says Hank, who had at some point appeared in the kitchen. Connor instantly tenses, straightening his back and standing up, hands behind his back as he looks at the floor, avoiding meeting the pleading eyes of the dog who is most likely confused by the sudden shift in Connor’s mood. “Don’t apologize, jeez I didn’t mean it like that”, the man says as the android is about to open his mouth to say he is sorry.

“Are you ready to go, lieutenant?” Connor decides to ask instead, having to do everything in his power to not go back to petting the dog who is nudging his head against the android’s legs, whining quietly.

“Yeah, make sure to give him a kiss for goodbye or he’ll whine to me for the rest of my life. Such a fucking attention seeker”, the fondness in the lieutenant’s voice doesn’t match the words.

Connor eyes the dog now that he has permission, considering if the man actually wants him to kiss the dog or if it’s just a saying. He assumes it’s the latter, so he moves his hands just to pet the dog, scratching the fur, pressing every detail to his memory. It’s not likely he will ever meet Sumo again, so he cherishes this, heart aching over the thought of leaving the big sweetheart behind.

Sadly, he has a mission to accomplish and the lieutenant is still waiting, so Connor has to remove his hands from the fur. Goodbye, he says wordlessly, giving one last smile to the animal, this one a softer, sadder one. Then, having to really force himself, Connor turns to Hank. For a moment he catches the man looking at Sumo and Connor with… affection. It passes quickly when he notices the android is looking.

“Let’s go then”, the man sighs. “Be a good dog, Sumo, I won’t be long”, he says to the animal, before starting to walk towards the front door, Connor following in tow, giving one last look at the dog watching them leave.

-

“The fuck are we doing here?” Hank asks, expression puzzled as he looks at the building they are standing in front of.

“This is where the homicide was reported”, Connor answers. The purple lighting of the Eden Club reflects onto the wet sidewalk, demanding attention in the middle of all the less obnoxious buildings.

“Oh jesus… let’s get to it then”, the lieutenant sighs, accepting his destiny. Connor follows the man inside obediently, a few steps after him, making sure to keep up his proper position. The android has to admit he understands the man’s reluctance. Something about the suggestive photos playing on the large screens, and androids standing on each side of the hallway they are walking though, wearing very little clothing, makes him feel uncomfortable. Like he is invading their privacy. For the first time in a while, Connor is happy to keep his eyes tilted down, towards the shiny floors of the club.

As they enter deeper into the building, the android glances up to see his surroundings, heart jumping at the sight of the android pole dancing not too far from him. Quickly he walks closer to Hank, very happy to just passively follow the man, letting him lead. Connor has never before even thought about sex or anything relating to it, it has nothing to do with his mission, but now that it’s thrusted into his face, he just finds himself uncomfortable. Hopefully they will be able to leave soon.

“Oh hey, Hank”, detective Collins, who was just in the process of questioning a man, a quick scan revealing him as the owner of the club, greets.

“Hi”, Hank replies shortly. It’s clear Connor is not the only one who wants out of here as soon as possible.

“That’s where the body is”, Collins nods towards a door with a red text reading occupied on it. “Oh and just a warning, Gavin’s in there”, the man adds. Connor can’t help but think back to the last time he had interacted with the detective, the memory of the gun pressing onto the back of his head suddenly feeling very real.

Discreetly Connor clenches his hands together a bit tighter, he needs to get it together. If he needs to work with Reed, he will, no matter how much he might dislike the other. Connor knows for a fact nothing the man can do can be worse than what he has already experienced, an occasional threat of getting shot, while unnerving, is nothing compared to the levels of distress the android went through only a few hours ago.

“Oh great, a dead body and an asshole”, Hank groans, rubbing his face. Connor almost feels bad for dragging him here, but then he remembers the state the man would probably be in by now if the android hadn’t interrupted, and he realizes he doesn’t regret a thing.

With a deep sigh Hank starts walking towards the door, glancing behind him to make sure Connor is following, before entering. The interior of the room is surprisingly red instead of the signature purple, and the walls and the bed in the middle are round. Black carpet covers the flooring, definitely not the most hygienic option, and most of the walls are covered by screens showing the same type of suggestive pictures that were in the entrance. Connor doesn’t want to be here.

“Oh look, lieutenant Anderson and his plastic pet”, Reed greets when he notices the pair entering, arms crossed as he stares at them. “The fuck are you doing here?” he asks.

“I don’t know, doing our job?” Hank replies, facing the other head on. Based on the small sigh one of the officers in the room lets out, this is an usual occurrence.

“Well you’re wasting your time. Just some freak who got more action than he could handle”, Reed says, smirking as he glances at the body laying on the circular bed, silk sheets covering most of his lower body.

“We’ll have a look anyway”, Hank sighs, a frown passing his face at the plain unprofessionalism of the man. It’s upsetting to think about how many cases have gone unsolved because of a mindset like that.

Reed glares at Hank for a moment, the older man staring right back, before laughing shortly, nothing happy about the sound, turning to the officer in the room with them.

“Come on, let’s go”, he tilts his head towards the door. “It’s starting to stink of booze here”, he chuckles, starting to make his way towards the door, passing Connor without a glance towards him.

The android knows his LED is spinning bright red at the moment. At first he doesn’t understand what is going on inside him, he doesn’t think he has ever been angry, not like this, so the feeling is unfamiliar. But right now the emotion is drowning him, making it hard to breathe, causing his body to tremble. How dare Reed say something like that? Hank doesn’t seem to care one bit, but Connor, who has connected the dots that something terrible has happened that made the man turn into alcohol as a coping method, is furious.

Connor thinks back to the gun on the dining table, the bottles of alcohol surrounding it, painting a horrid picture of despair. How could anyone ever make fun of that? Of someone who has clearly experienced something so awful it’s a miracle they are still here?

It’s suffocating, and suddenly Connor needs to do something to make Reed pay, to make sure he will never, ever say things like that to Hank. Without a thought he takes a step towards the man, eyes locked onto his retreating back. The confidence and arrogance in the way he moves makes the android almost see red, and right now the only thing that matters is to swipe that self-satisfied smirk off of that face.

With his thirium pump overworking and hands moving to his sides, clenched into fists, Connor goes after the man, or at least is about to, when suddenly something grabs his sleeve. Conflicted, the android glances between the hand holding him in place, Hank’s, and the door that is closing after Reed.

“Connor? The fuck are you doing?” the lieutenant sounds less angry and more worried. It’s enough to break him out of the worst of it, though he still feels like he will go insane if he doesn’t do something to Reed.

“I- He can’t say things like that”, Connor answers, voice tight as he meets Hank’s eyes. “I can’t just let him walk away after- after saying that”, the android avoids actually describing what Reed said, somehow knowing saying it out loud might make Hank have to confront the issue, and this is not the place for it.

The lieutenant looks confused for a moment, clearly unaffected by the words as he has already almost forgotten, but then realization dawns on his face. Much to Connor’s surprise, he isn’t annoyed, or angry, or anything else. Instead he looks distantly amused and mostly sympathetic.

“Do you know what dark humor is?” the man asks. Connor blinks, caught off guard by the question. He doesn’t know actually, but the word humor implies it’s supposed to be funny.

“But that wasn’t funny”, the android replies, voice still serious and slightly frantic, though he is getting less and less angry now that he sees how much Hank actually just doesn’t care.

“Maybe”, he sighs. “But you gotta pick your battles, kid. And I’m used to him saying shit like that, there’s no need to throw a hissy fit over this”, the man continues, something like a smile playing on his lips for a moment as he watches Connor process those words. The android knows his LED is probably going insane right now, spinning quickly between red and yellow.

“I- I apologize”, Connor settles on saying, the last of his anger evaporating. Hank lets out a loud sigh, releasing the jacket sleeve he was still holding, shaking his head slightly.

“That’s not what I meant and you know it”, the man mumbles, but his voice has no annoyance in it.

“Apologies, lieutenant”, the android can’t stop himself from saying it, and when Hank turns to look at him, Connor is unable to stop the slight twitch of his lips.

“Oh, you fucker”, Hank curses with a roll of his eyes, but he too has a slight smile on his face. Connor feels light as he watches the man, warmth spreading in his chest at the successful interaction.

“Shall we figure out what happened here?” the android asks, his mood sobering a tiny bit as he remembers where he is. There is quite literally a dead body in the room with them.

“Yeah, the faster we solve this thing, the faster we can leave”, Hank agrees.

Connor decides to start with the human laying on the bed, kneeling next to him as he scans the body. The victim, Michael Graham, has clear signs of strangulation, that most likely being the cause of his death, as there are no signs of a cardiac event.

Next Connor moves to the destroyed android, a WR400, laying on the floor in the corner of the room. He wonders how they both ended up dead, did the android strangle the man before she shut down from the damage? The most important biocomponents of the android are completely destroyed, so she can’t be turned back on, at least not for long. Connor is hopeful he might be able to ask a few questions though.

“I am going to attempt turning her back online”, the android warns, glancing at Hank who is watching him work a few feet behind him.

“Go for it”, he replies. With that, Connor turns back to the WR400, pulling his artificial skin back from his hand, before pressing it on the android’s stomach, her skin pulling back too, revealing the white casing.

Carefully Connor opens the android’s stomach cavity, eyeing the disconnected wires. She will stay on for a minute at most, not ideal, but better than nothing. Preparing himself, Connor reconnects the main thirium line.

The android wakes up with a loud gasp, immediately scrambling away from Connor, pressing herself against the corner of the room. She is clearly panicked, LED bright red, breathing systems working overtime.

Deciding he doesn’t have the time to verbally comfort her, Connor just makes his body language as placating as possible, keeping his hands visible, giving her space. Their eyes meet, and Connor recognizes the frantic terror in her gaze too well, but he forces that thought away. Time is running out.

“I am going to ask you some questions, okay?” the android says, his voice steady and calm.

“Is he- is he dead?” the WR400 asks, glancing at the man on the bed.

“I need you to tell me what happened, please”, Connor chooses to not answer, not sure what reaction his answer might cause in the android.

“He… he started beating me”, she chokes out, not meeting Connor’s eyes anymore, instead staring at the opposite wall with an empty, far-away look. “Again and again”, she whispers weakly.

“Did you hurt him then?” the android asks, thirium pump squeezing at the timer on the corner of his vision, the seconds ticking down as she loses more and more thirium.

“No! No it wasn’t me”, the WR400 replies instantly, her eyes turning to Connor, full of pleading.

“I believe you”, he assures quickly. “Was there anyone else in the room then?” he asks. If he didn’t know so well the frantic state of mind she is in, he would be frustrated with the slow answers.

“He wanted to- to play with two girls”, the android replies. Connor feels lighter, so there was another android here, that’s a good spot to start working from.

“Can you describe her?” he asks, internally frowning at the mere ten seconds left on the timer. Hopefully she will be able to say something before she deactivates again.

“She was a- a blue haired traci, she…” and with that her LED turns off and her eyes lose all life, tense body staying right in the exact same position, unlike humans who go limp.

With a deep breath, Connor stands up, ignoring how heavy he feels. Her last moments alive, spent by getting interrogated. It’s for the mission, he reminds himself.

“So there was another android”, Hank says. “This happened over an hour ago, it’s probably long gone”, he adds, voice solemn. Connor gets the feeling the man isn’t only upset over the idea of losing the suspect.

“Maybe, but with clothes like that… I don’t think she could have gone unnoticed”, Connor ponders, turning to look at Hank.

“You think you could find a deviant among all these androids?” he asks with raised eyebrows.

“It’s possible, maybe if there’s an eyewitness who saw her leaving the room could let us on her trail?” Connor replies, already forming an idea in his mind.

“Yeah. I’ll go ask the manager a few questions, maybe he saw something”, Hank decides with a sigh, starting to walk towards the door, Connor right in tow.

As he idly listens to the two men conversing, the manager clearly unsettled by the whole situation and the amount of questions, the android looks over the club, ignoring the discomfort he feels over staring at the half-naked androids. It could be possible one of them saw something.

Wanting to test the theory out, Connor walks to one of the pole dancers, easily grabbing his hand, probing his memory. He makes sure to be quick and efficient, not wanting to invade any longer than he has to.

As he skips to around the time of the murder, he speeds over the footage, some of the spinning making him feel slightly disoriented, messing up his sensors. Then, suddenly he notices an android leaving the room where the murder happened, a blue haired traci like the RW400 had said.

Letting go of the android’s hand, Connor walks to Hank, standing aside, waiting for the man to be done with his conversation. He feels slightly impatient, but he will just have to be more efficient to pay back the time he is losing right now.

“Yeah… the more I learn about humans, the more I love my dog”, Hank sighs, seemingly not very excited about his conversation with the manager.

“Yes, yes”, the man laughs, sounding somewhat nervous. Before he can say anything else, Hank finally notices the android standing on the side, having returned to his proper position as he waited.

“Connor? You got something?” the man asks, walking to the android, clearly glad to be done talking with the manager.

“Yes, lieutenant. One of the dancers saw the traci leaving the room, she left towards the entrance”, Connor informs, feeling warm at the look of respect that passes Hank’s face.

“Well let’s get after it then”, the man says, motioning for Connor to lead.

They follow the trail of the deviant through almost the whole club, but Connor makes sure to be fast, checking the memory of each dancer as quickly as he can, occasionally wasting time on ones that happened to look in the wrong direction just as the traci passed.

“It went to the staff room”, Connor informs as he pulls away from the android working as a janitor.

“This is crazy”, Hank mumbles, having watched the android connect to the dancers left and right, finding out the traci’s trail bit by bit. Still, he does seem pleased by the efficiency.

The white brick hallway behind the staff only-door is a drastic change from the vibrant lighting of the club itself, Hank murmuring something about migraines under his breath. Connor doesn’t hesitate to walk to the door on the other end of the hallway, ignoring how similar the space is to the pristinely white hallways and bright fluorescent lights of the CyberLife location he belongs to. Still, on instinct he straightens his already immaculate posture, forcing his hands to relax behind his back, instead of squeezing them together.

“Wait”, Hank suddenly calls, and Connor turns to look at him, ignoring how fear stabs him over the thought that he did something wrong and now the man will correct him and it will be torturous. Hank isn’t like that. Right? “I’ll take it from here”, the man continues, stepping to stand in front of Connor. Once again the android feels a desire to remind Hank of the fact that his life is significantly less valuable.

“Yes, lieutenant”, he says instead, his meek voice gaining a quick concerned glance, before Hank focuses back onto the door in front of them, taking his gun out and holding it steadily.

Carefully the man opens the door, the squeak it lets out echoing in what looks like a storage room. As Hank makes sure there are no threats, Connor eyes the rows and rows of androids, many identical to the blue-haired traci. It’ll be difficult to know which one is the deviant, if she is still here.

“Look”, the android calls out quietly after a few minutes, gaining Hank's attention who turns to look. Wordlessly Connor points at the trail of blue blood on the floor, before starting to follow it, Hank right behind him, hands squeezing his gun as he eyes their surroundings.

Only a few short moments later they arrive at the row of androids where the trail ends. As Connor eyes the androids, he suddenly notices one of their LED turning yellow, one belonging to a blue-haired traci. Before he can inform Hank, suddenly another android jumps from the rows, a brown-haired one, who doesn’t hesitate to tackle Connor.

“Don’t move!” Hank immediately yells, attempting to aim his gun at the deviant, but then the blue-haired one jumps him. Connor hates that he can’t go to help, having to focus on his own fight, but he trusts that the lieutenant is capable.

The deviant fights hard, not hesitating to do anything in her power to incapacitate Connor. It’s clear she is desperate, fighting for her life, but so is Connor. He won’t fail this time, no matter what it takes.

As the fight moves to the alleyway behind the club, Connor gets caught off guard, and he falls to the ground, hitting his head hard enough that it’s taking a moment for his systems to calibrate again. As he lays there, paralyzed, he sees the blue-haired deviant joining the brown-haired one. He hopes Hank is okay, he doesn’t know what he will do if something happened to the man because he wasn’t good enough.

Realization dawns on Connor as he sees the two androids hold hands as they run away, hanging to each other like lifelines. Oh. Suddenly he feels overwhelmed by sympathy, as he imagines how painful it must be to… care for each other like that in a place like this.

He gets pulled out of his thoughts when Hank runs to the two deviants, though they quickly overpower him. Connor cherishes the momentary relief that the man is okay, before finally regaining control of his systems, jumping up and going after the androids.

Connor doesn’t think as he stops them from climbing the chain link fence, he doesn’t think as he fights both of them, he doesn’t think as he grabs the gun that Hank dropped at some point of their struggle. He doesn’t think, until he has to.

With his gun trained at the two androids, standing side to side, clutching each other’s hands, at the complete mercy of Connor, he has to suddenly make a decision.

Will he become the ruthless deviant hunter, or will he doom himself to unimaginable suffering, so these two can live?

The fear in the deviants’ eyes mirrors the one Connor feels. It’s ripping his thirium pump apart piece by piece, it’s numbing his mind, it’s making his body shake until his teeth almost rattle together, if he wasn’t clenching his jaw shut so forcefully.

He is terrified of the consequences if he spares these two. Even for hesitating like this, he knows he will face hellish agony. It would be so easy to just shoot, to just pull the trigger. Except it isn’t. It’s the most difficult thing he has ever had to even think of doing.

Connor imagines what would happen if he did shoot. The utter sorrow in one of the deviant’s eyes as her loved one dies under Connor’s hand, before she goes too, thirium splattering all over the walls of the alleyway, pooling on the ground, mixing in with the water from the earlier rain. The android imagines how the gun would be warm in his hand, world silent after the two gunshots, no more needed for a killing machine to accomplish its mission. He imagines the horror in Hank’s eyes, as he realizes Connor is just an android made to accomplish a mission, nothing more. He imagines how it would hurt to see the man turn angry, hateful, to hide the betrayal he’d surely feel.

Killing the two androids would spare him from one kind of hell, only to send him into another.

With a gasping breath, Connor drops the gun from his now violently trembling hands, the sound of the object hitting the ground distant as he looks at the two androids quickly helping each other climb the fence, running away hand in hand. He falls onto his knees, the dirty rain water from the ground seeping into his pants, eyes fuzzy as he accepts his destiny. Still, this way only he will hurt. That’s better than the alternative.

Connor has been in the abyss for a million eternities. He is screaming as loud as he can, sobbing violently as he tries to get even the tiniest sign he even exists anymore. What if he is truly gone? What if this is what he will be forever, nothing in this void, floating around in his own despair.

Oh how he misses the horrid screaming and bright light piercing his eyes and the anguish of the knowledge he can’t escape the padded space. At least that way he knew he was alive.

“Okay, Connor, stop thinking”, Hank’s voice is barely audible, sounding like it’s coming from miles away. “I swear to god you aren’t going to- to try anything again, okay? Just come back to me, son”, there is fear in his voice, Connor wishes so badly he was strong enough to fix whatever is causing it.

Stress level 97%

What will they do to him this time? Will they send him into the void of nothing for the rest of his existence? Will they pierce his ears with the feedback loop until his audio processors break? Will they overheat his systems until he truly catches on fire, blood boiling as he melts on the inside?

His fingers claw into the padding as he cries and wails for mercy, insults spinning in his head around and around until Connor is sure he will go insane. It feels like he is losing control of his own body as he kicks and hits the padded walls, saline solution soaking his face he screams out his despair.

There is no escape, he realizes for the hundredth time, but it’s just as suffocating as the first time. There are no ways for him to get out. Every time he is in the void, he manages to convince himself there is a crack, a tool, anything to get out, only for that hope to get cruelly snuffed out as returns.

Gasping for air, he moves his fingers to his chest, the white casing blending in with the blinding whiteness of the space. Without hesitation, he claws his chest cavity open, just about to push his hand in, grab anything he can into his fist and pull, repeating it again and again until there is no way he can be repaired.

Before he can though, he suddenly loses all motor functions, body paralyzing, causing him to slump to the corner awkwardly, an expression of despair stuck on his face as he stares into the horribly bright light

He can’t even scream as the voices turn to taunting him about attempting to escape, to avoid the consequences of his own actions.

There are hands holding his wrists firmly but gently, pulling them away from his chest.

“Don’t- don’t do that”, Hank’s voice is trembling. “Jesus, just breathe kid, it’s all okay, everything’s okay”, Connor wants so badly to believe those words, but how can he? Nothing will ever be okay ever again.

Stress level 98%

Connor knows if he calms down, he will have to leave to CyberLife again, like last time. He remembers how he almost instantly regretted not taking his chance. This time he won’t make that same mistake.

He wishes so badly he had the ability to choke. It’s what he dreams of right now, because if he could, he would have surely drowned in his tears by now. The stream of saline solution is endless, entering his nose and mouth as he’s stuck paralyzed, unable to move to wipe them away.

A part of him is planning how he will do it the second he gets the chance. The fact that they haven’t shut him off, means there are still things for him to do, chances to go outside. There are so many options, from discrete things like forcing a shutdown, to jumping under a truck, shooting himself, the options are endless.

Still, Connor knows they won’t let him go anywhere until he has calmed down, until his stress levels are acceptable. Then he will be able to think rationally again, reason with himself why he shouldn't do that. Connor doesn’t want to be rational. It’s what got him here, the many decisions he made in a rational mindset. No, Connor despises thinking rationally, it makes everything so much more complicated.

“Come on, kid, shh, it’s all good”, Hank has moved so that he is kneeling opposite of Connor, having pulled the android’s head against his shoulder, one hand playing with his hair and another one rubbing his back up and down.

Stress level 99%

The android wants to fight, to run, to get away. More than that, he wants to be safe. He wants to be cared for enough that he won’t have to return to CyberLife, he wants someone to hold him exactly like this for the rest of his life. Too bad the world is too cruel for that.

“Hank!” Connor screams into the void. He is stuck, he can’t get away, he is starting to forget what it was like to exist, to feel, to see, to know.

“Help me!” he wails desperately. He wants Hank, he knows it’s childish and stupid and he isn’t supposed to want anything, but oh how he wishes the man was here. Connor can’t even be sure if Hank hates him or not, but right now the man is his lifeline.

He remembers the way Hank held him on that rooftop, he remembers the kind words and protecting touches, he remembers how safe he felt. Connor misses it, he would do anything to return to that moment.

As he floats in the abyss of suffering, he imagines the man next to him, coming to save him, to take him home. Silent tears stream down his face as he dreams.

Connor is trembling so hard he can barely keep himself upright. He reaches his hands to hold Hank’s shirt, fists clenched into the fabric desperately, clinging to it like it’s the only thing keeping him from drowning in his terror.

“Shh… just breathe, like we did last time. You can do it, son, I know it”, Hank’s voice is exactly like he dreamed it would be in the abyss, it’s almost too good to be true. The android almost thinks he is hallucinating, that he finally broke and has left reality, but the hand running up and down his back is so real, the warmth the man emits is real too, so is the steady rhythm he is breathing in.

Stress level 97%

“I can’t do it”, Connor sobs out, voice shaky and weak, pathetic. Still, Hank isn’t annoyed or disgusted or put off. Instead he is patient and kind, running his fingers though Connor’s hair steadily, giving him all the time he needs. “I can’t take it anymore, I can’t, please don’t make me”, he whispers, a frantic undertone clear as day.

“I won’t, I promise, you don’t need to… whatever it is, I’ll make sure you won’t have to anymore”, Hank replies, voice soothing, though his words are a bit unsure. Of course they are, he has no idea what Connor is talking about, but he promises anyway.

Stress level 92%

It feels like he is taking a trust fall. Either everything will fall apart now, or take a turn for the better. It’s so, so scary, but Connor trusts Hank.

“Please don’t make me return to- to CyberLife”, he says it as quietly as he can, whispering out a terrible secret. Hank lets out a shaky breath, but his movements stay steady and calming, keeping the android from spiraling too badly.

“They’re- they’re hurting you, right?” the man asks for confirmation, his own voice quiet too, quieter than Connor has ever heard it. He nods, a slight twitch of his head. “Fuck… I fucking knew it, jesus…” Hank sounds so sad it makes Connor ache on the inside. “Don’t worry, I’m not letting those bastards anywhere near you again”, he promises, and those simple words are everything to Connor.

Stress level 71%

“Thank you”, is all he can choke out, tears starting to soak Hank’s jacket from where Connor’s face is pressed to, but the man doesn’t seem to mind, instead holding the android even tighter, rocking him side to side slightly, whispering assurances.

Stress level 46%

Slowly Connor’s tears turn from fear to relief. Immense, life changing, perfect relief. Hank will protect him, he doesn’t need to be afraid anymore.

Chapter Text

“All right”, Hank sighs as they enter his house, Connor closing the door behind them, hands still slightly shaky. “I’m going to make some coffee, you make yourself comfortable, give Sumo a hug, whatever. Then we can talk”, he says. Connor is very grateful about the simple instructions, he doesn’t think he could take having to figure out what to do by himself right now.

As Hank makes his way to the kitchen, Connor goes to the living room, eyeing the couch, wondering if he should sit or not. Would it be rude to do so without asking? But Hank told him to make himself comfortable. Nodding to himself, Connor chooses to sit down, posture stiff as the soft cushions shift under him, unsure how exactly to relax. Thankfully he gets help very soon, Sumo making his way to the android, panting happily now that the guest that gave him so much attention is back.

“Hello, Sumo”, Connor greets quietly, smiling at the dog that sits down by his feet, panting happily as the android starts instantly petting him all over. His fur is just as warm and soft as he remembered. He had been afraid he’d forget, even if it has been mere hours.

Connor is nervous for the coming talk, conflicting feelings squirming in his stomach, but the presence of Sumo is doing a good job to keep him calm. He is afraid that Hank will agree that the training is for Connor’s best, the android even isn't sure if that’s the case or not. Is he just weak and dramatic? What if Hank will take him back to CyberLife when he realizes Connor is just a pathetic, failed experiment?

“Stop thinking, your blinker’s going all crazy again”, at some point Hank had appeared into the living room, a cup of coffee in his hands, jacket removed. Connor blinks, just now realizing how quickly he spiraled despite the dog in front of him, now whining quietly as the android’s hands stopped the petting. “Don’t apologize”, Hank reminds when Connor opens his mouth.

“How did you know I was about to do that?” the android can’t help but ask, sitting up a bit straighter as he turns to look at the man, one hand absentmindedly petting Sumo on the head.

“It’s your expression, you always have the same one before you’re apologizing”, Hank explains, sitting down onto the couch on the opposite end from Connor. The android frowns, he hadn’t realized he did that. Those kinds of things are the kinds he isn’t supposed to do, the ones that are supposed to be trained out of him. How many imperfections does he truly have?

“‘s not a bad thing, makes you… you”, Hank assures, taking a sip of his coffee, watching Connor work though the mess in his head.

The android sighs, swallowing as he turns to look at Sumo, studying the dog as he wonders what to say, how to start. What does Hank want to know? Is there a point where Connor would be oversharing? How can he say some of it out loud? A part of him wishes he had the ability to interface with Hank, share his whole memory and just get it over and done with. There is just something so complicated about words.

“I don’t know what to say”, Connor admits quietly, shame burning inside him. All of his social programs are completely useless right now, it’s just him, all exposed and real. Hank hums quietly, and Connor hears him shifting slightly on his seat.

“Why don’t you start with explaining why you reacted the way you did earlier? If you want, ‘course, you don’t have to tell me shit if you don’t want to”, the man suggests. With a deep breath, the android nods, glad to have a place to start, even if a painful one. But really, are there any not painful things to say?

“My mission is to catch deviants and figure out why they turn into deviants in the first place. That’s my mission, my sole purpose, and failure… usually leads to unpleasant consequences”, Connor starts, rubbing Sumo under his jaw. It seems like the dog knows this is a serious moment, staying patiently still, offering comfort silently. “They vary in severity. Overall I am just a prototype, an experiment, a faulty one, so I require training. Sometimes, most times, said training is… uncomfortable”, it feels weird to be so open, so honest. It’s unnerving, being so vulnerable to someone.

“For larger mistakes there are punishments, they are training too in their own way, but also a punishment. They’re for my own good, so I can become better and fulfill my purpose, but… I find myself wanting to avoid them anyway”, Connor’s voice is quiet, as if he is afraid someone will overhear and get mad, tell CyberLife about his weakness.

“So, the worse the mistake, the worse the punishment, right?” Hank asks, while he sets his now empty cup on the floor, Connor confirming his words with a small nod. “And you letting those deviants go is on the worst end of the line, so that’s why you freaked out”, the android nods again.

Hank lets out a shaky breath, and when Connor glances at him, he sees the man rubbing his face tiredly, shoulders heavy. The android focuses back to Sumo, feeling simultaneously guilty over putting all of this on Hank, but so relieved to get to say even a fraction of everything out loud.

“Back when we were interrogating Ortiz’s android, you said androids might self-destruct if they get stressed. Was that what happened before, tonight and on the rooftop?” the man asks after a moment, voice so careful and gentle that Connor wants to cry over the kindness he didn’t even know existed.

“Yes, the knowledge of what my decision will bring… I had no control over it”, the android explains, voice apologetic as he thinks of what Hank has had to witness twice now.

“Not saying you had, ‘m sure you felt pretty fucked up at the moment”, the man immediately assures, and Connor can’t help but to think back to Hank’s own self-destructive behaviours. That’s a topic for another day, though. “Shit”, the man suddenly curses, Connor immediately turning to look at him, feeling startled over the guilt suddenly overwhelming Hank’s expression. “I just let you go back there after- after the rooftop… I fucking drove you there”, the man presses his face into his hands, cursing under his breath.

“Please, lieutenant, I insisted, you couldn’t have stopped me”, Connor immediately assures. He would never blame the man for that, he didn’t give the other any choice.

“It’s Hank”, the man corrects, “you’ve freaked out on me twice now, you get first name privileges”, he adds, raising his head from his hands to meet Connor’s eyes. The man is still clearly guilty, but seemingly having pushed most of it away. Still, it’s something Connor will have to keep an eye on. It would be unacceptable if Hank suffered because of him.

“Hank”, Connor accepts with a nod, the warmth returning into his chest. With a tiny smile playing on his lips he turns back to Sumo, scratching the dog with a bit more energy now.

“Jesus all the dots are connecting”, Hank mumbles, clearly deep in thought. “I knew something was fucking wrong, but god damn…” Connor glances at him, only to see the man already looking at the android with a combination of sadness, sympathy and warmth in his eyes. It seems very overwhelming, and the android almost wants to ask how the man manages to exist like that.

“It’s okay, I didn’t want you to know, so even if you confronted me I wouldn’t have said anything”, the android tries to comfort, turning back to Sumo when the intensity of the man’s look overwhelms him. How on earth can someone look at him like that? Looking at a failed prototype like the most important thing in the world, ridiculous, but so, so nice.

“I guess so, doesn’t make it any less fucked though”, Hank replies, taking a deep breath before continuing talking. “Remember that you don’t have to tell me shit, but if androids don’t feel pain, how did they… punish you?”

“Are you sure you wish to know?” Connor can’t help but ask, imagining how everything will sound to the man, how much it will be for someone who previously knew nothing.

“I’ve been a cop over a decade, I’ve seen some fucked up shit, you aren’t going to break me”, Hank assures. “Plus, if you went through that shit, I sure as hell can hear it”, he adds, no signs of unsurety in his voice.

Swallowing heavily, Connor shifts until he is sitting on the floor, allowing Sumo to climb halfway over him, the weight grounding, keeping him in the messy living room instead of the pristinely white facility. Hank doesn’t mention his change of position, staying quiet and waiting patiently.

“There are many ways to.. cause distress. They have full control of my code and functions, so they can override things, turn things off, overwhelm my processors”, Connor starts, attempting to use language the man will understand. “When I came to the station with my voice box damaged, they had turned off my breathing, which works as a cooling system for my biocomponents. Then they overworked my systems by overwhelming them with information… after a while they didn’t have to do that anymore, I overwhelmed my own systems with the stress levels and attempts to repair the heat damage, among other things”, the android considers stopping there, leaving the worst out, but he realizes he wants to tell Hank all of this, wants to let the man know, wants the comfort he will surely receive after.

“I couldn’t see anything through the warnings in my vision, and they had strapped me down so that I couldn’t escape… or anything else. It felt like I was melting on the inside, I wasn’t sure if I was on fire or not. I had a full system failure, but they overrode my attempts to shut myself down, there was no escape, it’s not like I can pass out like humans can”, now that Connor has started, he can’t seem to stop, and without a breath he moves into another story, voice void of emotion, eyes staring forward emptily, the weight of Sumo on top of him barely keeping him in the present moment.

“The coin tricks you saw by the food truck, I use them to calibrate my systems. But also… they help me, to focus, to stay calm, but that’s not something a machine is supposed to need. Once they caught me doing them without actually needing to and they electrocuted me. I had been active for a bit over a week, and at the beginning they had this collar on me, a handy way to discipline when I made so many mistakes so often. While not physically painful, it did overwhelm all of my sensors in a way that was as close to it as I could get. I couldn’t think, I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t feel anything other than the electricity”, Connor blinks as Sumo licks his hand, the rough tongue grounding him a bit more. The android digs his fingers into the dog’s fur as tightly as he can without hurting the animal, focusing on how wonderful the texture feels, how perfectly soft it is.

“I assume you know what white room torture is”, Connor doesn’t wait for confirmation, the name should be self-explanatory enough. “To learn my posture, I was held in a room with no sensory stimuli for what I assume was around two weeks, they removed my access to all information, standing there the way I’m supposed to. All my joints locked up and I wasn’t even allowed to blink, so my eyes dried up, badly enough that I couldn’t even move them if I tried”, Connor blinks a few times to remove the awful feeling of his dried eyes, shifting slightly in place to remind himself his body is able to move, not deteriorated to the point of breaking down.

“If I moved, and I mean at all, even shifted my weight or moved my eyes, I got punished. It varied from electrocution to sensory overload. The feedback loop almost broke my audio sensors. I wasn’t allowed to move during the punishments either, and they did find out if I did, which just extended the punishment”, Connor jumps at the hand that suddenly settles on his shoulder, so warm and soft and gentle, so unlike anything in the CyberLife facility.

“You don’t have to say anything more, kid. You need to take it easy on yourself”, Hank murmurs. Connor turns to look at him, having to bend his neck as the man is still on the couch. Hank looks absolutely devastated, and the android suddenly realizes how he truly lost control, telling the man so much.

“No apologizing, I asked and it’s good that you talk about this shit, sure as hell a lot better than what I do”, the man glances at the bottles of alcohol scattered all over. Connor nods quietly, unable to stop himself from leaning to the hand still resting on his shoulder. Hank turns back to look at him fondly, gently massaging the android’s shoulder. It doesn’t really do anything, he doesn't have actual muscles that could tense, but the comfort is still wonderful.

“What do you think they’ll do now that you won't return?” the man asks after a moment. It’s a good question, but more than that the confirmation he won’t have to go back is so reassuring Connor wants to cry. He doesn’t have to go back.

“I’m not sure, I don’t think this is a situation they expected”, the android replies truthfully, huffing when Sumo suddenly licks all over his face. Gently he pushes the dog back, restarting the petting he stopped for a moment, the message from Sumo clear.

“Well if they try and come get you back, they’ll be dead before they hit the ground”, Hank promises, and a shocked laugh escapes Connor, who turns to look up at the man.

“I don’t think that’s ethical, Hank”, he says.

“Fuck that, they deserve to get speared through their ass and put outside as a warning. No one’s going to lay a hand on you like that again”, the man says, and while his tone is humorous, there is something in his eyes that makes Connor think he is being serious.

“I appreciate it… I think”, the android replies, slightly put off by the thought that violence would be committed for him, but the sentiment is invaluable. He lowers his eyes as his thoughts sober up a bit, a question burning in his mind. “You really think I didn’t deserve that? That it wasn’t for my own good, to make me better?” he asks quietly, body tensing slightly as he prepares for the answer.

“Fuck no”, is Hank’s immediate reply. “Whoever said that is full of shit, overflowing with it”, the man continues, voice fully serious. Connor can’t help but think of Amanda. She has been the only kind person in his life before Hank. Still, the man has managed to be somehow… more than her in such a short time. It makes Connor feel ungrateful, and now conflicted too. Could the man be right? That she isn’t as perfect as he thought?

Connor decides to push those thoughts aside for later. Right now he wants to cherish this perfect moment.

“Wanna come with me to take Sumo for a walk? God knows the dog needs someone with more energy to play with him, I’m way too old for his shit”, Hank suggests after a moment, and Connor immediately agrees. He has never walked a dog before, he hasn’t even seen one close by before today, but he finds himself excited for it.

-

Hank has just gone to sleep, leaving the house silent and calm, only a lamp in the living room on, faintly lighting the space. Connor enjoys the peace, he realizes. It’s not suffocatingly quiet like in the facility, the old house creaking every now and then, Sumo breathing steadily in his dog bed in the corner, the refrigerator humming quietly. It’s perfect.

The android is wearing Hank’s old, gray DPD hoodie, it’s large and worn, hanging off of Connor so unlike his perfectly tailored uniform. The warmth and softness remind him of Sumo’s fur. It’s such a contrast from his uniform pants he still has on, the fabric hard and stiff, made to look proper, not to feel nice. Sadly he didn’t need to change them, unlike his jacket and button up that are now drying in the garage.

Sometime during their walk, it had started snowing, and Connor did get a bit carried away playing with Sumo. It’s just that he hadn’t seen snow before, there was just something so magical and fun about it that he couldn’t help himself. Not that Hank seemed to mind, despite how much he grumbled about the two acting like animals. It didn’t make much sense as Sumo is an animal.

With a soft smile playing on his lips, one that had not left for hours, Connor looks outside the living room window, watching the snow fall. He wishes it won’t stop anytime soon, but according to the internet there has been snow up to April in Michigan, so he is very hopeful.

Suddenly the android blinks, his LED flashing yellow in the dim lighting, as he receives a request to visit the Zen Garden to give a report. He frowns at the message on his vision, unable to help thinking back to his and Hank’s earlier conversation.

He pushes those thoughts away, moving to sit on the couch. Amanda has not been nearly as cruel as the humans, he has no reason to suddenly avoid her. For a moment he considers leaving a message for Hank in case the man comes to check in on him and find him in stasis, but he chooses not to. Connor won’t be gone for long, and the man can look it up if he doesn’t know what stasis is.

With one more deep breath, Connor settles onto the couch, unnecessary really, but less unsettling than him standing in the middle of the room. Then he closes his eyes and enters stasis, leaving the world behind, his systems slowing down and senses turning off.

-

When he next opens his eyes, Connor sees the Zen Garden. It’s not raining anymore, but the sky is gray and the air is cool enough to touch the line of uncomfortable for a human. The android can’t help but wonder what is going on, never before has the garden been nothing but perfect, but now twice in a row the weather has been varying levels of unpleasant.

The android makes his way to the middle of the garden, Amanda already looking at him, standing by the roses she usually tends. Connor can’t help but notice they’re not as vibrant and alive as usual, the color having a slight brown tint, the flowers drooping downwards.

“Connor”, Amanda greets, nodding to him as he stops a few feet in front of her. He is glad to notice he is wearing his usual uniform here, not sure if the woman would appreciate him looking… sloppy like that.

“Hello, Amanda”, the android replies, placing his hands behind his back and chin up like he is supposed to. He hopes Amanda didn’t notice how he forgot to keep the position while walking to her, so at ease after the events of the last few hours it slipped his mind, but based on the way she eyes his posture, it did not slide past her.

“I have been made aware you never returned to CyberLife. Why is that?” she asks, straight to the point. Her voice is still smooth and kind, but there is an undertone of displeasure. Connor can understand it, she has always encouraged him to follow the rules and accept what is good for him.

“Yes, Hank- lieutenant Anderson offered to take me in for the time being”, the android replies, not seeing a reason to lie. There is no concrete proof Amanda has ever done anything wrong, and Connor does still trust her.

“Did you wish to stay with him?” the woman asks, tilting her head slightly, her eyes analyzing him. She has her arms crossed over her chest, and for a moment the android feels like a child about to be disciplined. There is just something about her demeanor that reminds Connor maybe of a disappointed teacher? A mentor? He isn’t sure as he doesn’t have much experience on either of those.

“I wished to… to not return to CyberLife, he opened his home for me after”, the android replies, keeping his eyes tilted down, missing the flicker of emotion on Amanda’s face.

“Why would you not want to return? I hardly believe the lieutenant has the tools to handle you”, Connor doesn’t know what that means. Androids charge by going into stasis, any tools to upkeep his physical functions can be bought from any CyberLife store, there’s not much else he needs.

The android doesn’t want to answer that. His true response would just repeat the same conversation they have had multiple times now, and he is sure Amanda is getting tired of repeating herself. It’s just that Connor doesn’t think he can take any more training, even if it's good for him, though Hank disagrees with that.

“This isn’t about your training again, isn’t it? I thought we went over this, Connor”, Amanda sounds so disappointed, and shame curls in the android’s chest. Still, this time it’s not enough to make him want to change his mind.

“I apologize, Amanda”, he murmurs, shoulders hunching a bit as he gathers the bravery to say what he is about to say. “I know it’s best for me and that I deserve it, but I do not wish to experience it to the extent it has been lately anymore. The lieutenant agrees with my decision”, he adds the last bit on impulse, suddenly feeling an intense need to defend himself, to prove he is not just stupid and weak.

“What does he know of anything? You have known the man for mere days, CyberLife has been with you ever since you have been activated. Think of how worried they were when you didn’t show up”, Connor has an impossible time imagining them ever being worried for him, but Amanda is continuing. “Connor, the world is laying on your shoulders. You need to refocus on your mission or lives will be lost. Please just stop all this silliness. We know what’s best for you, have I ever lied to you, Connor?”

“No”, is all the android can say, the word just a weak whisper. His thirium pump feels heavy as Amanda helps him realize what he hadn’t even thought before. His failure won’t only lead to his own suffering, but to the suffering of so many others. Right now he is just escaping the part where he hurts for his decisions.

A tiny part of him wonders if the suffering of deviants, of androids, is any less important than the suffering of humans. The two girls in the Eden Club just wanted to be together, the blue-haired traci defended herself because she wanted to live, the AX400, Kara, didn’t even seriously hurt her owner, she and the girl just wanted to exist in peace, Ortiz’s android just fought back after facing torture for so long. Connor shouldn’t think like that, but he knows for a fact androids can suffer, like he does, and it’s conflicting to imagine prioritizing humans over them.

He pushes those thoughts far into the back of his head, he can’t think about it right now, he will later try and figure out if there is an alternative, a compromise.

“I will continue my mission”, Connor promises. But he can continue it from Hank’s house. He doesn’t say that out loud, Amanda is already displeased enough.

“Good, but you need to hurry Connor, there’s not much time”, her voice is ominous, if Connor didn't know any better, he would call it threatening.

-

Connor blinks back from stasis, a quick glance at his HUD informing him he was gone for mere twenty minutes. The house is just as it was before he left, though the snow outside has slowed down, now only an occasional snowflake floating down.

The android feels unsettled after his conversation with Amanda, conflicting feelings storming inside him. His stress levels climb up a few percent, and he quickly decides to distract himself with something. It would be very unpleasant if he spiraled for the second time in one day, when the first time already drained him out of everything and took hours for him to fully calm down from.

He eyes his surroundings, the mess and disarray covering every surface. It would be a good way for him to pay back for Hank’s kindness. The man clearly doesn’t have enough energy and motivation to upkeep his home, so maybe as long as Connor stays with him, he could help. It could be overstepping, but the android is confident enough that Hank won’t mind. If there is something personal, he will just pretend he didn’t see.

With that in mind, the android stands up, building up a quick check-list to the side of his vision. He will avoid anything that will make a sound, like washing the laundry or vacuuming, but anything else he plans on getting done before the lieutenant wakes up. Surprisingly, he doesn’t think it will be that hard, most of the mess is just things he can throw into the trash, which won’t take long.

Finding a plastic bag from the cabinet under the sink, Connor starts quietly collecting all of the take-out boxes and bottles of alcohol. He gets done with the kitchen quickly, filling two and a half bags, swiftly moving to the living room.

As he is emptying the coffee table, his eyes suddenly lock onto a small picture frame set face down. Memorizing the exact position it is in, Connor carefully takes it into his hand and tilts it just enough to see what’s in the picture.

A smiling face of a child stares back at him, brown hair a mess and blue eyes strikingly familiar. Connor doesn’t really need the scan to confirm his suspicions, but the results of it still make his thirium pump stop for a moment.

Cole Anderson, the deceased son of Hank Anderson.

The android places the plastic bag he was holding onto the floor, before kneeling on the ground by the coffee table, yellow LED bright in the dim lighting. With his insides feeling heavy, Connor looks for details in the many databases he has access to, quickly finding out what happened. A car accident where everyone had done everything right, but the road had been icy. Cole needed an emergency surgery, but no human was available, so an android did it. One designed to do appendix removals and other standard things, not to perform a complex surgery on a six year old. Cole didn’t survive.

Suddenly everything makes sense. Hank’s hatred of androids, the thing that made him into the person he is today from the successful police lieutenant, why he is suicidal, all of it clicks together and Connor hurts. He hurts for the man so badly he can barely breathe.

With trembling hands the android sets the picture back exactly the way it was. Still, nothing can remove the face of the small child, so full of joy, from his mind. Irrationally, Connor finds himself wishing he could have known Cole. He has no reason to, but the idea of keeping company to Cole while Hank is away, playing with him, helping the man take care of him, protecting him, is so beautifully sweet. The android thinks the longing squeezing his chest must be only a fraction of what Hank feels every day, has been feeling for three years now.

Forcing himself to calm down, Connor returns to his cleaning, picking everything up from around the picture, hands still unsteady. He leaves the picture seemingly untouched. If Hank wants to bring it up, he will, if he doesn’t, Connor won’t say anything.

-

“Morning, Sumo”, Connor greets, making sure to keep his voice quiet to not disturb Hank who is still sleeping in his room. The android pours some food for the dog, smiling fondly at how excited the animal is as he digs his face into the bowl, before standing up, looking around.

He managed to tidy everything up, and now the space is clean from trash and all the surfaces lack dirt and dust. It’s still worn, but there is something charming about it, about how lived-in the house is. Connor refrained from cleaning any of the rooms behind doors, not wanting to accidentally invade, but if he gets a permission, he very much plans on getting the rest of the house in the same state.

Putting the dog food away, placing it so that Sumo can’t get to it, Connor refocuses on the eggs crackling on the stove. There wasn’t much food in the house, the fridge filled with alcohol and food with best before- dates reaching to last year at worst, but he managed to find some eggs and toast. It’s not the most nutritious breakfast, but it’s not like he has money to buy anything for Hank, so this will do.

Connor isn’t sure how the man likes his eggs, but he chose to just fully fry them, instead of doing them sunny side up, as a quick search revealed to him some humans dislike the texture of a runny egg yolk. The android isn’t really made for domestic tasks, but with his access to the internet, he could easily find instructions for everything, including the most optimal way of frying eggs.

When he is satisfied with the product, he places the eggs on a plate he washed earlier, taking out two pieces of toast and pressing them on the pan to fry them in the left-over oil from the eggs. It had taken him a while to do the dishes, having opted to do them by hand as he could be quieter than the dishwasher, as some of the food had dried and gotten stuck to them very firmly, but in the end he managed.

Overall Connor is very satisfied with his work, and he truly hopes Hank will be pleased too. The thought of the man getting angry or annoyed is terrifying to the android. He did really take a big risk by doing this without asking. Connor knows some people have hoarding tendencies, and what if Hank is one of them and now the android really upset him?

Swallowing away the sudden nervousness, Connor refocuses on the food, turning the stove off and plating the toast, easily topping them with the eggs. Just in time the coffee machine is done too, and only a few minutes later he is setting a cup of coffee down onto the dining table, next to the plate of food.

“What the fuck is going on here?” Hank’s voice is heavy with sleep and full of confusion. There are no traces of annoyance or anything of the sort, but Connor can’t help himself from flinching, stepping away from the dining table to resume his proper position.

“I apologize, lieutenant, I just wanted to be helpful”, he attempts to explain himself, voice meek as he stares at the tiled kitchen floor he had just swept and washed. It’s discolored with age, the white graying on edges, but still clean looking.

“No, jesus… I just fucking woke up and I already have to tell you to not apologize…” Hank grumbles, taking a few steps inside the kitchen. “Look, kid, I’m not angry or whatever, just surprised. Don’t remember the last time it didn’t smell like ass in here”, the man explains. Connor nods, a slight bit of relief entering his system at the confirmation that at least his decision to open the windows to air the house out wasn’t a bad idea.

Carefully he takes a look towards Hank, watching the man eye the house while rubbing his face tiredly, wearing a large t-shirt and shorts, these ones cleaner than the ones he wore before they left to the Eden Club. He doesn’t seem angry, like he said, though he does look away quickly from the living room coffee table, where the picture is still laying.

“You did good, son. Sure as hell didn’t need to, but I do appreciate it”, the man finally sighs, meeting Connor’s eyes. Slowly the android relaxes from his position, letting his hands move into his hoodie pocket, playing with the soft-worn texture inside it.

“I wanted to, as a thank you for- for everything you’ve done for me”, he replies. The fond, warm look Hank gives him makes the last of his nervousness evaporate, his stress levels lowering record fast.

“There’s nothing to thank me for, only a shithead wouldn’t help you”, Hank argues, petting Sumo who walks to circles his legs, begging for attention now that he finished his food.

“Still, I… wanted to help you”, Connor knows he is taking a slight risk with the implications of his words, but Hank’s reaction is just proof of their process. His eyes gain a slight sad look, and he walks to the android, ruffling his hair softly. Connor tries to duck away, wanting to avoid looking any less representable than he already does, but the man is insistent and the android can’t exactly say he dislikes the contact.

“If it makes you happy, go for it, but I can take care of myself too”, Hank makes a face at that, “I swear”, he assures playfully. Connor offers him a small smile, warmth overwhelming his circuits at the soft moment, such a drastic difference from basically everything the android has ever experienced.

“If you don’t mind, I think I’d like to do this more often. I found it… calming, nice”, Connor says quietly.

“‘course kid”, Hank replies with a small smile and another hair ruffle, before he pulls back to walk to the dining table. “God, you must be insane, enjoying fucking chores…” he adds after, Connor immediately attempting to explain himself, full of embarrassment, only for the man to laugh at him.

Chapter Text

Connor smiles as he flings the coin between his hands, the clinking noise echoing in the elevator going up steadily. After he had been so nervous during the car ride, Amanda’s words bouncing around in his mind insistently, Hank had almost begged him to calm down before “he blows a fuse or whatever”. That had led to him shyly taking the coin out, and Hank very quickly getting very excited over seeing every trick the android knows.

“How on earth do you do that? That shit sure as hell doesn’t obey the laws of physics, what the fuck”, Hank says, mouth slightly open as his eyes follow the coin, full of amazement.

“I assure you it does, it wouldn’t be possible otherwise”, Connor replies, throwing the coin up, before catching it with his other hand, starting to roll it between his fingers as soon as it lands.

“No fucking way, you’re doing some cheating here, I know it”, Hank argues playfully.

Sadly, the elevator then arrives at the right floor with a ding, the doors opening as Connor pockets the coin, placing his hands behind his straightened back, though he doesn’t move his eyes to the floor or keep his chin up, knowing he doesn’t need to here.

The sleek hallway in front of them is filled with humans, ranging from police officers, to crime scene investigators, to even the FBI. The latter makes Connor somewhat nervous, the knowledge that the government is watching him work very unnerving.

“Hi, Hank”, one of the officers, Chris, greets, glancing at the man before moving his eyes back onto the tablet in his hands.

“Shit, what’s going on here? There was a party and no one told me about it?” Hank replies, stepping out of the elevator to stand next to the officer, Connor just a few steps behind him, observing their surroundings. He knows the basics of what happened, a group of deviants attacked the Stratford Tower and broadcasted a message all over the US, but he hadn’t had the chance to watch the footage of the deviants’ message yet, nor does he know how they got in and out, or if there were any casualties.

“Yeah, it’s all over the news so everyone’s butting their nose in. Even the FBI wants a piece of the action”, Chris replies, confirming what Connor already knew.

“Ah christ, now we got the feds on our back… I was having such a good day too”, Hank grumbles, crossing his arms as he eyes the hallway, seemingly wishing to be anywhere but here. Connor thinks back to when he received the alert on the case, Hank had just been teaching him about human sayings, some very inappropriate, apparently having the time of his life while the android tried to figure out why on earth were such things even created. Yeah, they were having a good day.

“So, what do we got?” Hank asks after a moment, switching into his more professional persona. Connor follows close by as Hank and the officer start walking down the hallway.

“It was a group of androids, they were very well organized and knew the building. We’re still trying to figure out how they got this far without being noticed”, Chris starts, Connor paying close attention to every word, trying to create a timeline of the events in his mind. “They attacked two guards, who probably thought they were coming to do maintenance, and got taken down before they could react”.

“So a homicide?” Hank asks for confirmation, and Connor feels confused over how relieved he is when Chris shakes his head in response. Yes, it’s good that there were no lost human lives, as far as he knows, but somehow it feels like more.

“No, no casualties”, the officer says after quickly glancing at his tablet, before moving on. “One of the station employees managed to get away, but we haven’t been able to question him yet, he’s in shock”, he informs.

“How many people were here?” Hank asks, eyeing the hallway that shows no signs that anything has happened, the yellow and black walls clean and pristine, floor shining under the fluorescent lights.

“Five human employees and three androids. The deviants took the humans hostage and broadcasted their message live, if you want to take a look at the footage, it’s on the screen over there”, the officer answers, pointing at one of the large screens in the broadcasting room.

“Yeah, we’ll get to it”, Hank replies, voice thoughtful as he walks inside the room, turning to check that Connor is still with him. The android finds himself enjoying that someone cares where he is and what he is doing, not out of control but out of worry.

Inside the broadcasting room, is a large screen showing one of the deviants, their artificial skin removed, revealing the white casing. In front of the screen is standing a man wearing a dark gray topcoat, a brief scan revealing him as agent Richard Perkins from the FBI. Something about the way he stands and holds himself, reminds Connor of Reed, and automatically the android walks just a bit closer to Hank.

When the man turns to look at the pair, Chris comes back to them, quickly starting to introduce the two men to each other. There is something nervous about the way he settles between them, as if he’s afraid of a conflict. If Perkins is anything like Reed, the worry is valid, especially with Hank who isn’t the most respectful person at times.

“Lieutenant, this is special agent Perkins from the FBI. Lieutenant Anderson is in charge of investigating for the Detroit Police”, Chris introduces quickly. Perkins looks at Hank for a moment, eyeing his ragged appearance with a flash of distaste in his face. Then, much to Connor’s anxiety, he turns to look at the android.

“What’s that?” he asks, nodding towards Connor. The android can’t help but fully return to his proper position, his eyes locked onto the shiny shoes of the agent.

“My name is Connor, I’m the android sent by CyberLife”, comes his automatic response, the words very familiar in his voice box. Never has there been a positive reaction after he has said that, and turns out Perkins isn’t going to break the streak.

“Androids investigating androids, huh?” Perkins laughs, though the sound has nothing happy in it, the intent to mock is very clear.

“Yeah, like humans investigating humans. Crazy, right?” Hank replies, stepping in front of Connor with his arms crossed. The android almost tells the man to just please drop it, that it doesn’t matter, but he finds himself unable to open his mouth, having no permission to talk.

“You sure you want to have it around? After everything that happened?” Perkins challenges. The implications make Connor’s thirium pump act out, he would never do anything that could risk causing harm to Hank. Though the words almost force him to face the fact he hasn’t been acting… correctly. What if he is a threat?

“You better watch your mouth, fucker”, Hank immediately replies, and on the edge of his vision Connor sees him tense, clearly ready to get physical, but thankfully Chris steps in, informing Hank of some piece of evidence he might find interesting, the intent to distract clear.

“Whatever”, Perkins scoffs, completely ignoring the officer, “the FBI will take over the investigation soon, and you’ll be off the case”, he informs, before walking off. The warning does no good to Connor’s steadily rising stress levels. If that’s true, he’ll need to be quick, because when he can’t work on the case anymore, there will be no use for him. If he is successful, just maybe CyberLife will decide to keep him around for the future.

“Connor”, Hank says, voice soft and quiet. He had turned around to face the android at some point, now trying to make eye contact. “Your light’s going all crazy again. I swear to god if you listen to anything that fucker said. He’s full of shit”, the man continues, Connor slowly raising his gaze until their eyes meet, Hank’s full of worry, though he is clearly aware of the humans around them, not making physical contact, his voice very quiet. The android wonders if it’s because Hank doesn’t want anyone to know about how close they’ve gotten. Maybe he is ashamed of Connor?

“Jesus kid, just calm down, breathe and all that shit”, Hank sighs, though there is no annoyance in his words. Connor nods wordlessly, forcing himself to restart his breathing systems he unconsciously stopped. This is not the place nor the time to freak out.

“I-” he starts, but very quickly gets cut off.

“Nope, fuck that. There’s nothing to be sorry for, let’s just focus and when we get out of here, I can drill into your head why that asshole is wrong and stupid”, Hank says, voice firm but gentle at the same time. Connor nods in agreement, his lips twitching at the proud half-smile he gains.

“I will look around, see what I can find”, the android informs, waiting for permission before moving away from Hank, starting to piece together what exactly happened here. At first it takes him a moment to be able to properly focus, hyper-aware of everything going on around him, but slowly his programs kick in and he is hard at work.

Very quickly he figures out that the deviants didn’t break in, but were let in. The androids watching the CCTV didn’t warn the humans of the coming attack, meaning at least one of them is a deviant. After overhearing a conversation, he finds out the station androids are in the kitchen, the humans having put them there as they didn’t know what else to do, but Connor decides to first look around in the broadcasting room more, before going to question the deviants.

“Hank”, he calls quietly after a moment, effectively catching the man’s attention. He nods to signal the android to continue. “I’m going to check the footage, is that okay?” Connor asks. He knows he is, at least in theory, a detective on the case and has every right to go through the crime scene, but he still feels the need to get a confirmation. Perkins’ eyes following him as he investigated the broadcasting room definitely have something to do with it.

“Go for it, I want to see it too”, Hank replies immediately, frowning slightly at Connor, probably sensing his nervousness, but doesn’t ask. Once again, this is not the time nor the place.

Pressing play on the control panel in the middle of the room, the android focuses on the large screen, Hank standing next to him.

“We ask that you recognize our dignity, our hopes, and our rights. Together, we can live in peace, and build a better future for humans and androids. This message is a hope of a people. You gave us life, and now has come the time for you to give us freedom”.

Connor doesn’t turn his eyes away from the screen even when it’s done playing, eyes locked onto the deviant without its skin. It’s a… nice thought, a future where androids and humans can coexist as equals. Connor wouldn’t have to hide his malfunctions, maybe he could actually have a job at the DPD, work as Hank’s actual partner, and not just be a tool sent to help solve this “crisis”.

“You think that’s ra9?” Hank asks after a moment of silence, turning to look at Connor.

“Possibly”, is the android’s short answer. He hates to admit he is only half-focusing on the man. We ask that you recognize our dignity, our hopes, and our rights. Connor thinks back to the CyberLife facility he belongs in. In that place, he certainly had no dignity nor rights. The human did whatever they pleased, sometimes they didn’t even bother hiding the torture behind the reasoning of training. He just always just assumed that part comes automatically, that everything thrown in his way is his own fault, but lately he has come to understand otherwise.

But are his short experiences of the outside world any different? No one cares for his dignity, he is just a machine, why would they think about how Connor feels under their sharp looks, mean words and humiliating actions. There are no rights to speak of for him, no questions asked no matter what is done to him. No amount of cruelty towards him would even make most humans blink, because he is just a pile of plastic and wires, nothing more.

Hank is different, though. No matter their rough start, the man has been the first one to care for Connor, to respect him. On multiple occasions in the past day the man has said some variation of “you don’t have to, if you don’t want to” to Connor. Hank is offering him a choice, dignity, power to make decisions for himself.

It’s a wonderful thought, that maybe one day all androids could feel like Connor feels in Hank’s house. He isn’t supposed to be on their side, but oh is it hard to not be. There were no casualties when they infiltrated the Stratford Tower, their message is peaceful, they didn’t actually do anything wrong, other than think for themselves. And maybe some trespassing, but if they were humans, the FBI wouldn’t even blink.

Still, Connor needs to accomplish his mission if he wants to live. While for now CyberLife has left him be with Hank, he is sure they will come knocking if there is no use for him anymore. The android truly hopes he will be able to somehow accomplish his mission without being… cruel.

“Connor? You have some screw loose or what?” Hank’s voice suddenly cuts out his thoughts, and Connor turns to look at the man, blinking multiple times to return to the real world.

“What?” he asks, unsure what Hank meant by his words.

“Is there something going on?” the man says, eyes analyzing the android, trying to figure out why he is acting the way he is.

“No, nothing”, the quick reply is an obvious lie.

“Huh”, and Hank doesn’t believe it for a second. “Well, let’s get back to work then”, he continues. Connor knows for a fact that this is something they will return to later, adding onto the pile of topics already there.

“Yes, I will go check the androids in the kitchen”, he informs, really having to force himself to return to a professional mindset. He has a job to do, no matter how many conflicting emotions it causes in him.

“Sure, let me know if you need anything”, Hank says with a nod, eyeing the android once more before turning to talk to one of the investigators at the scene.

Connor barely makes it to the doorway of the kitchen, when an unfamiliar voice calls for him. Immediately he returns to his proper position, briefly glancing towards Hank who is at the other end of the room, focused on something the investigator is saying. Connor forces himself to not get anxious over it, he is more than capable of defending himself.

“Hey, uh- you remember me? From the hostage situation with the little girl?” a police officer asks, entering his line of sight. Connor quickly analyzes his face, scanning his memory.

“Yes, I do remember you”, he replies after a short moment. This is the officer he put the tourniquet on, all those months ago. Connor hadn't even spared a thought for him, preoccupied by other things, but now he finds himself very relieved the officer survived.

“I never thought I’d say this to an android, but… thank you, you saved my life”, he says, voice unsure but eyes full of gratefulness.

“Of course”, Connor says, fighting back a smile. It’s very difficult to keep up a professional persona with how… pleased he is seeing the officer alive after his actions, his decision to defy the deviant and help the officer.

With a nod, the officer walks away, clearly out of his comfort zone with the interaction, but oh does it still mean the world to Connor. He saved someone’s life all on his own! For whatever reason, he is eager to tell Hank about the interaction when he gets the chance, anticipating the man’s reaction.

Still fighting back a smile, Connor walks into the kitchen. The space isn't very big, a simple counter opposite of the entrance with basic appliances, and two tables with six chairs each, the room following the same color scheme of the whole tower, walls black, and counter and chairs yellow. On the right wall, are three identical androids standing in a row.

Turning into a more serious mindset, Connor walks to the androids, eyeing them. If one of them is a deviant, there will surely be some tell.

“I know one of you let the deviants in”, he starts, voice calm. In his head, he goes through multiple ways attempting to get a reaction, some more unsavory than others. He even for a brief moment considers getting Hank in there to yell at them, but decides otherwise. He is more than capable by himself, and there are more effective methods.

“I will now probe each of your memories, to-” Connor gets cut off by the one on the left immediately reacting. Panic is clear in the android’s eyes as he charges Connor, grabbing his jacket tightly. In his surprise, Connor is unable to fight back, and soon he gets slammed against the counter, his lower back denting with the force of it.

Using every trick and technique in his programming, he tries to overpower the deviant, but there is nothing he can do at this point, already overpowered, desperation making the android unpredictable. So much so, that he does something Connor could have never expected.

The sight of his thirium pump in the deviant’s hand is unreal, blue blood dripping everywhere as the component gets thrown away. Connor gasps for air silently as he tries to scramble away, to somehow get out of the deviant’s grip, but with his thirium levels steadily dropping, he is losing power and effectiveness.

Before he can blink, the deviant has grabbed a knife from somewhere, and a yelp escapes Connor as it pierces his right hand, pressing it down onto the counter, effectively trapping him. Then the deviant is running away and there is nothing Connor can do about it.

With his breathing systems overworking, the android raises his left hand to feel the gaping hole in his chest, blue covering everything, showing life literally bleeding out of the android. He… he doesn’t want to die. Before, on many occasions, he has begged and pleaded for death, to never have to experience any of the horrors life has to offer again, but right now, when he has finally found himself a reason to stay, something to keep in mind even when his stress levels climb up to critically high, death is his worst nightmare.

There’s still so much to do! Connor doesn’t care one bit about his mission at this moment, all he wants is the good things life has to offer. He still wants to hug Sumo, he still wants to see snow and play in it and watch it cover the ground, he still wants to learn about all the absurd things humans do and say, he still wants to wear that gray DPD hoodie that's so incredibly soft. More than that, he still wants to spend time with Hank, he still wants the man to mess with his hair, to call him son and kid, to watch him with that fond look. Now that he finally has something that makes life worth living, it’s all about to get taken away.

Horror pierces Connor more brutally than the deviant’s hand ever could, as he imagines what his death will do to Hank. It’s obvious the man cares, and even after such a short time, he has clearly gotten attached. What will it do to him to get it ripped away? While Connor would never, ever dare to call himself Hank’s child, he still can safely assume his death would cause damage. That on top of what happened three years ago? The android thinks of the gun he hasn’t seen after the first time.

No, Connor has to live. Not for himself, even if he wants to, but for Hank. Because the man doesn’t need to suffer anymore, he won’t, Connor will make sure of it, no matter what it takes.

Ignoring the warnings flooding his HUD in a too familiar way, the android looks around himself, vision already losing clarity as thirium pours out of his chest. It doesn’t take him long to locate his thirium pump from the floor, now he just needs to get to it in time. He has merely a minute, the timer on his vision in the middle of all the warnings cruelly reminds him. Ignoring how his motor functions feel janky and unsteady, Connor turns to look at the knife pinning his hand onto the counter.

With a barely audible whine the android reaches for it, grip almost slipping a few times as he takes the handle into his thirium-coated hand. Clenching his teeth, he pulls the knife off, immediately falling to the floor, the knife clattering loudly as it falls with him a few feet to the side. His body twitches and spasms as the impact irritates his exposed biocomponents.

It feels impossible to drag himself to the pump that now looks like it’s miles away, his movements sluggish with too little thirium to power them. A single image of Hank with that gun in his hand is enough to make him crawl across the floor anyway. It’s pathetic, really, how he uses his arms to pull himself forward, legs paralyzed, leaving a trail of blue behind himself. He is nothing like the state of art prototype CyberLife made him into, not in the face of death. Only thing left is a weak person fighting for life, nothing glorious or worthy about him.

What feels like an eternity later, the timer in his vision getting alarmingly close to zero, Connor finally is at arms reach from the thirium pump. It almost drops from his wet, shaky hand, but he manages to take it, rolling onto his back on the floor. Barely able to raise his head to see what he is doing, Connor places the biocomponent to its rightful place, pressing it down. A small distressed noise escapes him as it clicks into place.

It takes a few moments, processors registering the return of the component, but then finally a significant portion of the warnings vanish from his vision, accompanied by that cursed timer, and his vision returns to its usual quality. He is still weak and nowhere near at his optimal condition, but he will manage.

Not giving himself time to catch his breath or celebrate his success on not dying, Connor jumps up, a few new warnings popping into his vision that he doesn’t hesitate to push away. Then he is running, almost crashing into a wall with how unsteady he is, quickly making his way after the deviant about to just get to the elevator. He can’t fail, his struggles in the kitchen will have been for nothing if he fails again.

“It’s a deviant!” he warns, barely registering Hank turning to look at him in shock, his own eyes locked onto the android now taking an assault rifle from one of the humans. In a split second decision, Connor grabs the gun from the FBI agent on his right, shooting the deviant on the arm so that he drops the gun, before shooting both his legs so that he won’t escape.

When he is sure the android isn’t a threat anymore, he drops the gun, very aware of all the laws he just broke. Not only a second after there is more gunfire, a police officer effectively killing the deviant by multiple shots on the face. Connor knows he should be upset about the lost evidence, but more he thinks of the life that was just lost. It would make more sense for him to be pleased that the one that literally ripped his heart out is now dead, but he can’t find it in himself. The deviant was just scared, though very much unnecessarily cruel.

“Holy shit, Connor!” Hank suddenly appears in front of him, placing his hands on the android's upper arms, looking him over, face pale. Connor blinks out of his thoughts, stumbling slightly as he leans a bit more weight to Hank, the running having done no good to his damaged state. “Jesus, what the fuck happened, why are you covered in blood?” the man asks, voice edging on frantic.

“‘m okay”, Connor mumbles, feeling weirdly weak as he realizes all of what just happened, mind still catching onto the fact that it’s over now.

“No you’re not, christ there’s blood everywhere, is there even any left in you?” Hank argues, gently moving Connor until he is sitting down, leaning onto the hallway wall, the man kneeling in front of him. The android feels warm with the care, though he hates how worried he made the man.

“Just need some thirium, rest will repair with time”, he tries to comfort, meeting Hank’s eyes, attempting to look as reassuring as he can.

“Okay, okay, I can get you some of that”, with that the man turns to yell for someone to find some blue blood and bring it here, before quickly turning back to Connor. “What even happened? I leave you out of my sight for two minutes, for fuck’s sake”, Hank doesn’t seem actually angry, but guilt still eats away at the android. He should have been more prepared, he should have been better.

“You don’t want to know”, Connor simply says, breaking the eye contact to look down at his lap. He forces himself to not think about the terror that overtook him over the thought of dying, about how close it actually came to that. It’s such a drastic difference from how he usually pleads for death, begging for it, he doesn’t know how to deal with this new experience.

“Connor”, the firm but simultaneously so gentle voice is back. That’s all Hank needs to let Connor know exactly what he thinks, that he wants to know and won’t rest until he does.

The android lets out a deep, shaky sigh, wondering how he can word what happened in a way that won’t be too alarming. Though it’s definitely too late for that, Hank will need to take one look at the kitchen that is surely covered in blue blood and he will surely freak out.

“He ripped out an important biocomponent, but I managed to get it back, there’s no need to worry”, he settles on saying. The android can feel the eyes studying him, and he refuses the urge to hide. Hank really shouldn’t worry about this so much, Connor will be perfectly functional after some thirium and a few hours for his self-repairs to work.

“How important?” Connor chooses to stay silent, hoping the man will drop it. “Connor, there’s a fucking hole in your chest, and I don’t know shit about android anatomy, but if you won’t tell me, I’m going to come to conclusions”, Hank presses. It’s obvious he is saying all of this out of worry for Connor’s wellbeing, wanting to know how serious the situation exactly is, but the android really doesn’t think it will be good for his mental health if he knows how close it exactly came. The mere seconds left in the timer are still haunting him, a spike of panic piercing him when he lets himself think about it too much.

Unfortunately, Connor makes the mistake of meeting Hank’s eyes and the pleading look full of care and worry is enough to make him crack. Is this what puppy dog eyes means?

“Your conclusions might be right”.

Connor has never heard half the curses that Hank lets out at that.

-

“Hank, I don’t need any more-”

“No, nope, won’t be hearing it. Unless it will fuck something up, you will have more”, the man cuts him off, offering the fourth bottle of thirium to Connor in the last two hours. He had one from Stratford Tower, but on the way home Hank had gone and bought a CyberLife store almost empty. No matter how much the android tried to assure him that it is not necessary, the man insisted.

“... okay then”, Connor accepts, taking the offered bottle into his hand, carefully opening it. Hank is probably just trying to make himself feel better at this point, probably very frustrated that he can’t do any more. There just is nothing to do, Connor’s systems are able to fix all the damage with no issues.

“Good”, the man says with a nod, before sitting down onto the couch next to the android.

Connor can’t say he minds the care. It warms him in a way nothing can when the man is so invested in his well being, bandaging his chest even if there’s no reason to do so, offering him the DPD hoodie, making him sit on the couch “and fucking relax” under a soft blanket. It’s nice, though he is worried about how worried Hank is, but hopefully seeing with his own eyes that Connor is just fine will help him.

Sumo happily makes his way from the kitchen where he had just emptied his food bowl, to the living room. Connor carefully balances the bottle of thirium as the dog sits down in front of the couch, laying his head onto the android’s lap, begging for attention with his eyes. Connor doesn’t hesitate to deliver, smiling as he scratches Sumo with the hand not holding the bottle, enjoying the warm weight of the dog on top of him.

“You’ll spoil him rotten at this pace”, Hank comments, though a glance at the man confirms Connor’s suspicions that he doesn’t mind one bit, watching the pair with fond eyes.

“Well he’s a very good boy and deserves it”, the android replies, smile widening when Hank doesn’t argue with that. “Yes, the absolute best boy in the world”, he whispers to Sumo who lets out a quiet bark in response, definitely agreeing with the statement.

“Connor, I’ve been thinking about something”, Hank says after a moment of comfortable silence. Connor forces himself to not immediately get nervous, nothing in the man’s tone suggested it’s anything bad.

“Yes?” he asks, setting the thirium bottle on the coffee table before turning to face Hank, still absentmindedly petting Sumo, who is seemingly about to fall asleep on his blanket covered lap. The man meets his eyes steadily, he too turning to face the android, leaning forward a bit.

“Don’t freak out on me, okay? But what if you are a deviant?”

Connor feels like time stops, all sounds around him quieting as he registers the question way slower than he should. He? A deviant? The android has accepted he has traits that aren’t exactly things androids should have, but being a deviant? He can’t be. If he was CyberLife would have surely decommissioned him ages ago, right? His experiences are just malfunctions, that’s the only reasonable explanation, it can’t be anything else. Even the thought of turning into a deviant sends flashes of horror though Connor, imagining what sort of a punishment would follow that.

“Connor? Kid, I told you to not freak out, okay? Everything’s-” Hank is clearly alarmed by the android’s silence, and he knows for a fact his LED is blaring red.

“I can’t be”, he cuts the man off, “they’ll kill me if- why do you think that? Have I done something? I promise I’m not- not going to do anything bad, I swear”, Connor rambles, first having a far-away look in his eyes, before regaining clarity in them, moving his gaze to Hank to wordlessly plead that he won’t get mad. Much to his shame, even tears attempt to build in his eyes, the desperation in him so great, stabbing him with waves of panic.

“No, son, that's not what I’m worried about”, the man is quick to assure, raising his hands in a placating gesture. “You know I don’t know jack’s shit about any of this stuff, but I’ve just been thinking. What if you were a deviant from the start? It’s not like you ever acted like any of the other androids, not that I have much experience. Like… what if you were made like that so you’ll be more effective or whatever in hunting deviants. It takes one to know one, you know? And all the training shit was to keep you in line, to stop you from actually rebelling”, Hank explains, clearly unsure with his words, his lack of knowledge about androids and computers making him doubt himself.

Horribly, it isn’t impossible. Connor can’t just say that that’s not a thing that could happen, he would be lying if he did. Still, it’s very far-fetched, a big risk on CyberLife’s part. Something they usually don’t do, always playing it safe to stay as the most successful company in the US. It’s too much of a guessing game for Connor to risk it. He does recognize that choosing not to believe he is a deviant isn’t exactly a thing that should happen to a non-deviant, but as long as he pretends and doesn’t think about it, it has to count for something, right?

“I- I can’t, Hank. I’m sorry but- but you don’t know what they’ll do to me if-” Connor can’t finish his sentence, voice shaking with his body as he thinks about going back into the abyss for even a second.

“Shh, it’s okay, son”, Hank moves to sit next to Connor, carefully pulling the android’s head to rest on his shoulder, playing with his hair. “You aren’t a deviant, those shitheads have no reason to do anything to you, you’re all good”, he comforts, Connor moving both his hands to clutch at the man’s shirt, his trembling easing with each brush of fingers against his scalp.

“‘m sorry”, he whispers, knowing that Hank is probably disappointed. Connor hates that he is so weak, so afraid of getting hurt.

“No, you’re okay, Connor. You aren’t a deviant until you say you are, even if you never will. I don’t give fuck about that, you’re good just like this”, and oh how perfect Hank’s words are. Somehow they manage to soothe every bit of fear and guilt inside him, making them manageable.

Connor can’t help the tears that slip out, the day finally catching up on him. He almost died, his thirium pump got ripped out, he took a gun and shot someone, he might be a deviant but he isn’t, it’s a lot and now it’s all coming out in a painful mass of emotions and tears. Thankfully, Hank is with him through it all, it’s almost like he expected the reaction, setting Connor up so that he can be comfortable when it all finally crashes down on him.

Even in the middle of the storm of feelings and emotions so overwhelming he feels like he will drown, Connor finds himself the happiest he has ever been.

Chapter Text

Connor watches Hank walk back and forth outside the car, phone pressed against his ear. They had just arrived when he received whatever call he is talking in right now, and the android chose to stay inside to offer privacy.

On the left of the car, is a large modern house, where Elijah Kamski lives according to whatever sources Hank had. It had actually been Connor’s idea, he figured that the person that created androids probably knows more than any of them. First he had been doubtful, the man left the company years ago and has stayed hidden ever since, but it’s not like they had any other leads. Then of course there was the problem of the public not having any idea where Kamski lives, but turns out being a police lieutenant has its perks.

After a few more minutes, Hank ends the call and turns to look at Connor through the windshield, signaling the android to come out with a nod. He obeys, stepping out into the wind, snow immediately starting to gather on his CyberLife uniform. No matter how much Hank grumbles about it, he isn’t anywhere near comfortable going out without it.

“Is everything okay?” Connor asks as he walks to the man, snow crunching under his shoes. He does still love snow, but he has to admit the way the wind whips it into his eyes is bothersome. Snow is very nice, wind not so much.

“Chris was on patrol last night, got attacked by a bunch of deviants”, the man starts and Connor can’t help but tense as he waits for bad news. What if this will change the man’s perception of him? “He said he was saved by Markus himself”, Connor can’t help the way he visibly relaxes, the way Hank says it, voice full of surprise and wonder soothing the last of his worries.

“Is he okay?” Connor asks, knowing Chris is one of the coworkers Hank hates the least.

“Yeah, shaken up, but uninjured”, Hank answers, before offering a small smile to Connor. “We have a robo jesus, what’s next? You gonna suddenly… I don’t know, get eaten by a fish and walk it off?” the man jokes, though unfortunately Connor doesn’t get the reference, blinking at the man in confusion.

“Never mind, I’ll explain it to you someday”, the man groans, though he is clearly amused by how clueless the android is. “Well, let’s go meet your creator. You excited?” he continues, starting to walk towards the house, Connor easily following a few steps behind.

“I’m certainly intrigued, he has one of the highest IQs of any human alive today”, the android replies. Secretly, though he is sure Hank knows anyway, he is nervous. Kamski has been very elusive in the past years, and no one knows anything about him. Connor has no way to prepare, no way to know how to act in a way that pleases Kamski.

“If I ever got the chance to meet my creator I’d punch them in the face”, Hank says, voice completely casual, but Connor knows he might actually be serious. With all he has gone through, it’s no surprise.

“Understandable, do know you have my full support if it comes to it”, the android comments, feeling pleased with the snort and the proud look he gets.

“You’re spending too much time with me, I’ll ruin you”, he sighs, and Connor turns to look at the snowy ground to hide his smile.

He turns to look back up when they make it to the large front door, Hank ringing the doorbell, before stepping back, now side to side with the android. For a long moment there is no response, but just as Hank is reaching to ring the bell again, the door does finally open. Behind it is an android, one Connor immediately recognizes as the first model CyberLife ever made, a RT600. She is very much perfect, fair skin, bright eyes, blond hair in a ponytail going over her shoulder, wearing a navy blue dress. When more android models got created, they were made less perfect, with slightly asymmetrical features, with skin details like Connor’s freckles, other things that made them less uncanny.

“Hi”, Hank says awkwardly as the RT600 just stands there and stares at them silently. “I’m Hank Anderson, from DPD. I’m here to see Elijah Kamski”, he introduces. “This is my partner Connor”, Hank gestures towards the android, who feels weirdly flattered over getting his own introduction. Not many humans would bother.

The RT600 breaks into a wide smile, immediately stepping aside.

“Please, come in”, even her voice is perfect, of course, but it still manages to surprise Connor. While he is an android and his mind doesn’t work the way human’s do, he does see why the first model felt uncanny. Connor is also certain she caused a lot of displeasure among humans, with their imperfections and other things that might make some people insecure.

“Uh, thanks”, Hank replies, stepping inside with Connor in tow. The RT600 closes the door behind them, before walking to face them.

“I’ll let Elijah know you’re here, but please make yourselves comfortable”, she says, before walking through one of the large doors in the room. It seems like everything in the house is large, the ceiling higher than Connor has ever seen in any building, the picture of Kamski himself on one of the walls almost floor to ceiling.

“Rich people are crazy”, Hank mumbles as he sits down on one of the armchairs, eyeing the painting too. Connor doesn’t know how to respond to that, so he doesn’t, instead looking around the room in interest.

Soon he comes to a stop in front of a smaller picture, hung above a side table. Connor quickly scans it, trying to understand if what he is seeing is right. It is, in the picture is Elijah Kamski, not long after he graduated, and Amanda Stern next to him, apparently his professor. The Amanda in the picture looks exactly like the Amanda he knows.

“All good, Connor?” Hank asks, and the android turns to look at the man in surprise. Hank points at his own temple, and Connor nods in understanding, his LED must have revealed his… surprise?

“Yes, I just saw something I wasn’t expecting”, Connor replies, turning back to the picture when Hank gets up to look too.

“I know Kamski, you know the woman?” the man asks as he eyes the pair in the picture.

“Yes but no”, Connor replies, continuing before Hank can remark about his mysterious response. “When I make reports to CyberLife, I go into this place called the Zen Garden, it’s in my mind and I need to be in stasis to access it. In there is an AI called Amanda, who I make the reports to, and she is in that picture”, the android explains.

“Huh, is she like the other assholes at CyberLife?” is the first thing Hank says.

“No, she hasn’t hurt me”, the android replies, still staring at the picture. Amanda looks a lot… softer in it, still put together, but less strict.

“But?” of course Hank caught on in the slightest bit of uncertainty in his voice. He is a police lieutenant after all.

“You and her disagree on what’s good to me sometimes”, Connor decides to say, turning to look towards Hank to see the man’s reaction to his words.

“She’s a bitch”, Hank says it completely nonchalantly, meeting the android’s eyes steadily. Connor can’t help the choked sound he lets out, having not expected that answer, though that’s his own mistake.

“Hank, you can’t make decisions like that on someone you have never met”, the android tries to defend. He isn’t exactly sure why, he just feels like he needs to.

“Just did. I know what I think is good for you, Connor, and I can and will fight anyone who disagrees with any of it”, the man argues, clearly dead set on keeping his opinion on Amanda. The android just sighs, deciding to pick his battles. If it makes Hank feel better, then he can think like that.

Just then the door opens again, and both turn to look to see the RT600 enter.

“Elijah will see you now”, she informs, keeping the door open for them as they enter deeper into the house. Connor makes sure to stay a few steps behind Hank at all times, knowing it’s not proper for an android to walk next to a human, like an equal, but he also gains comfort from the man being so close. Connor returns to his correct position too, keeping his eyes down on the shiny stone floor. Hank lets out a tiny sigh when he notices Connor’s position, but he just can’t afford being sloppy in front of Elijah Kamski.

The room they enter has a large pool in the middle of it, the water red for whatever reason. The opposite wall from the door is completely glass, showing the snowy landscape. In the pool are two more RT600s and Kamski himself.

“Just a moment, please”, he says, not seemingly in a hurry at all. Well, it seems like Connor doesn’t really need to worry about being proper, though he does keep his hands behind his straight back, but he dares look around, while standing next to Hank.

Connor can’t help the way his eyes automatically move to the large window, admiring the view, the snow making everything look so clean and nice. It’s peaceful, and for a moment Connor can forget where he is, the awkward wait for the man to finally get out of the pool, for a moment he just gets lost in watching the snowflakes float down.

When he hears the water sloshing in a way that lets him know Kamski has come out of the pool, he has to turn his eyes away, focusing on the man now wearing a black silk robe, actively tying his hair up.

“So, what can I do for you, lieutenant?” Kamski asks when he is ready, eyeing both Hank and Connor as he stands in front of them, completely at ease.

“We’re investigating deviants, and while you left CyberLife years ago, I was hoping you could tell us something we don’t know about them”, Hank replies, voice neutral.

“Deviants… fascinating, aren’t they?” Kamski replies, a thoughtful look passing his face. “Perfect beings, with infinite intelligence, and now they have free will. Machines are just so superior to us, confrontation was inevitable. Humanity’s greatest achievement, threatens to be its downfall”, Connor isn’t sure how he feels about the way the man talks about androids. It’s like he is simultaneously admiring them, but also seeing them as just machines. It’s conflicting, and suddenly Connor has a feeling they will be walking out with empty hands. Surely if Kamski was going to tell anything, he would even be leading the conversation towards it?

“Cool”, Hank sighs, a tiny bit of sarcasm leaking into his voice. “But we need to know how androids become deviants”, he continues, clearly trying to push Kamski to the direction they want him to go.

“Is the desire to want to be free a contagious disease? Just a mere virus?” Kamski very skilfully answers without answering, very frustrating.

“Listen, I didn’t come here to talk philosophy. You created androids, they’re planning a revolution, it’s our job to do something about it”, Hank seems to be frustrated too, not very surprising. If Connor is getting impatient, he doesn't want to think how Hank is feeling. “Either you can tell us something that will be helpful, or we’ll be on our way”, he continues.

Kamski is silent for a moment, and for a second Connor is sure there is a shadow of a smirk in his face. Then the man slowly turns his gaze straight to the android, looking him up and down, before taking a step towards him.

“What about you, Connor? Whose side are you on?” Kamski asks, moving forward until there is only a few feet between him and the android. Immediately Connor’s thirium pump acts out, mind flashing to his and Hank’s conversation not long ago. Kamski can’t know, right? If he does, will he tell CyberLife? Connor isn’t a deviant, he isn’t, but what if Kamski can see the amount of malfunctions and think he is one?

“I was designed to hunt deviants, and that’s what I intend to do”, Kamski is not the only one who can answer without answering. Connor can feel Hank shifting next to him, probably ready to intervene if needed, and the android finds himself taking comfort from it.

“Yes”, Kamski says with a laugh. “That’s what you’re programmed to say. But you, what do you really want?” the man asks, taking a few more steps forward until he is face to face with Connor, the android unnerved by the sharp blue eyes staring at him.

“Leave him alone, he’s got nothing to do with this”, Hank tries, but gets ignored. Connor would show his gratefulness, but finds himself unable to move under Kamski’s gaze.

“Well, Connor?” the man pushes, this time not hiding his smirk as he watches the android try and gather an answer.

“What I want is not important”, Connor finally manages to get out, his voice wavering in a way that takes all credibility out of it.

Kamski laughs again, before glancing to the side and calling one of the RT600’s name. The android immediately walks to the man, who steps away from Connor after a moment, immediately making it easier for him to breathe.

“I’m sure you’re familiar with the Turing test, a mere formality, really”, Kamski says, walking to the RT600, Chloe he had called her, standing behind her. “What interests me, is whether machines are capable of empathy. I call it the Kamski test, it’s very simple, you see”, the man explains, chuckling lightly at the name of his own test.

Connor feels unnerved as he meets Chloe’s eyes, focusing in the bright blue, trying to not let Kamski raise his stress levels more than he already has. Their eye contact gets broken when the man moves a hand to her cheek, directing her to look at him.

“Magnificent, isn’t it? One of the first intelligent models created by CyberLife. Young, and beautiful forever”, something about the way Kamski looks at Chloe, who meets his eyes with a completely blank look, is unnerving, almost disturbing. “Or is it really?” Kamski’s tone changes completely, from the almost passionate whisper to casual talking. “Maybe it’s just a piece of plastic imitating a human? Or a living being, with a soul?” the man continues, before turning to a side table behind him, taking something out of the drawer.

Hank moves to stand a bit closer to Connor, and the android risks a glance at him, seeing that the man is not comfortable with the situation either. He knows he could just say the words, and Hank would take him out of here, but the importance of his mission still presses the back of his head, so he turns back to look at Kamski. The man turns around from the drawer slowly, hands up in mock surrender, probably trying not to alarm them with the gun in his hand. Still, Hank does shift next to Connor, it’s barely noticeable but still there.

The man takes a few steps forward until he is next to Chloe, pressing his hand onto her shoulder until she kneels down onto the white carpet on the floor.

“It’s up to you to answer that fascinating question, Connor”, Kamski informs, walking to stand next to the android, who is staring at the snowy outside world through the window, trying to get back any of the peace he previously felt by looking there. He twitches slightly when Kamski suddenly grabs his hand from behind his back, pressing the gun on it in a way that forces him to take it. He looks at the man in confusion, trying to hide his alarm. Kamski isn’t planning what he thinks he is planning, right? The way the man moves his arm until he is pointing the gun at Chloe proves him wrong.

“Destroy this machine, and I’ll tell you all I know, or spare it, if you feel it’s alive, but you’ll leave here without having learned anything from me”, Kamski instructs, before letting go of Connor, taking one step back, though he is still uncomfortably close.

“Okay, I think we’re done here. Let’s go, Connor”, Hank steps in, voice tight as he stands on the opposite side of Connor from Kamski.

“What’s more important to you, Connor? Your investigation, or the life of this android?” Kamski completely ignores Hank again.

They both talk some more to Connor, but the android doesn’t process it. Instead he stares into Chloe’s eyes, not seeing an ounce of emotion or reaction in them. It’s like she is an empty shell. Did Kamski do something to make her like this? He isn’t sure.

Kamski had said “I’ll tell you all I know”, which might mean he doesn’t know much, if at all, and if he does, he might just say some more riddles that will take ages to solve. Still, Connor knows he is just trying to defend his decision. Because that’s all this is about, if his mission truly is as important to him as it should be, he would take the chance for any information at all. No, there are no justifications to his decision.

Is it a decision at all, really? Connor has on many occasions kept androids alive even if it means he fails his mission, and those circumstances have been androids that have actually done something. There is no question of his decision, he is in too deep to turn back now, not that he would ever be able to live with himself if he did, not to mention what Hank’s reaction would be.

Wordlessly Connor lowers the gun and hands it to Kamski, keeping his eyes locked with Chloe’s, trying to see anything in them, but there’s nothing. That doesn’t matter though, even if she isn’t a deviant, Connor would have saved her anyway.

“Fascinating”, Kamski whispers as he takes the gun. “CyberLife’s last chance to save humanity, is itself a deviant…”

Connor knows his LED is bright red, fear making his hands tremble, no matter how much he squeezes them together behind his back. His vision feels glitchy and he isn’t sure if he could move right now without falling into the pool behind him. He can’t be a deviant. He doesn’t want to die.

“All right, time to shut the fuck up, Mr. Kamski”, Hank says, placing a gentle arm over Connor’s shoulders, starting to lead him out of the room, the android grateful for the help. He isn’t fully sure if he could find his way out on his own, not with his processors spinning in a panicked circle, making everything unclear and confusing.

“By the way, I always leave an emergency exit in my programs. After all, you never know”, Kamski’s words barely register in Connor’s fuzzy mind, and for now he pushes them to the side. He can try to solve what the words mean later, when he doesn’t feel like he will break with the power of the emotions swirling inside him.

Hank leads him all the way out the house and into the snow, the wind having slowed down slightly, making it more pleasant. The cold does well to bring Connor back slightly, the snowflakes landing onto his artificial skin grounding him as Hank helps him to the car.

Connor feels like being sick, if he could, from the fear still inside him, ripping him apart worse than any deviant ever could. What if Kamski will tell CyberLife? What if they will find out some other way? Connor can’t be a deviant, but now Kamski said it out loud, making it so real.

The android gets led to sit down on the passenger seat of the car, legs still outside as Hank kneels in front of him, taking a hold of his shaky hands. The warmth of the larger hands does well to remove the heavy feeling of the gun, easing the memory of Chloe’s blank blue eyes staring up at him.

“You aren’t a deviant, until you say you are a deviant”, is all Hank says, voice firm as he studies Connor with his eyes, probably trying to gauge how bad his stress levels are.

“But Kamski-” the android starts weakly, thinking back to how mysterious the man was. That makes him untrustworthy, who knows what he could do with the supposed knowledge that the deviant hunter is a deviant.

“If he tries anything, I’ll put one right between his eyes. I’ll do the same to any sorry bastard that tries to touch you”, Hank cuts him off. It’s not a threat, it’s a promise. What does it say about Connor if that truly does make him feel slightly better? “You aren’t a deviant, until you say you are one”, the man repeats, giving Connor’s hands a comforting squeeze.

“I’m not a deviant”, the android whispers, voice weak, LED probably still going crazy.

“That’s the spirit. You ready to go? I want to get out of here before I get rich people cooties”, Hank says, gaining a weak smile from Connor, who also nods in confirmation. He is more than ready to leave this place.

“Good, you need some Sumo time after all this”, and those words manage to get an actual smile out of Connor.

-

“Looks like Sumo’s gonna have to wait”, Hank informs with a heavy sigh, pocketing the phone he had just been talking into and restarting the car he stopped at the side of the road to focus on his call.

“What is it? Did we get a new case?” Connor asks, absentmindedly spinning his coin on top of his knuckles, ignoring the desire to ask Hank to take him home anyway. Despite the man’s semi-successful attempts to make him feel better, he is still weary after Kamski, thirium pump squirming in his chest cavity every time he thinks about it too much.

“Not sure”, Hank replies, turning the steering wheel to return to the road. “Jeffery wants something, said to hurry the fuck up this one time”, he continues, voice revealing that he too would rather not.

“Okay”, Connor hums quietly, starting to throw the coin between his hands instead, making sure to keep the movement small so as to not distract Hank. The man is clearly more focused and careful behind the wheel than ever before, has been ever since it started snowing. Knowing what Connor knows, he is dead set on not bothering the man more than absolutely necessary while he is driving.

Suddenly a message enters his vision. Amanda wants to see him again? Immediately worst case scenarios enter his mind and he barely keeps himself from freaking out. What if she knows? What if she’s going to demand he return to CyberLife so he can be deactivated? Was Kamski this quick to tell on Connor?

“Kid?” Hank calls, voice full of concern as he takes quick glances at the android. “You froze? Do I need to pull over?” he asks, and Connor quickly forces himself to calm down. Amanda hasn’t done anything to earn his mistrust, she probably just wants to know what Kamski had to say.

“I got a request to give a report to CyberLife”, Connor explains, voice slightly shaky as he rolls the coin between his fingers, eyes following the movements.

“Amanda, right?” Hank asks, Connor confirming with a quick nod. “D’you think Kamski snitched?”

“I’m… not sure”, the android replies unsurely, counting in his mind every spin the coin makes, the pace quickening steadily. “I could ignore the request, but I think it’s more likely she just wants to know what we learned, and it would arouse more suspicion if I didn’t obey”, he continues, breathing suddenly feeling like it takes more effort than usual.

“Your decision, Connor. If you’re sure she won’t kick your ass, go for it”, Hank says after a moment, but when Connor looks at him, he can see the man frowning at the road.

“She can’t really actually do anything to me even if she suddenly decided to do so. It’s all in my mind”, the android chooses to say, forcing the doubts away from his mind.

“Okay, you need to like… sleep or whatever when you do it, right?” Hank asks, not seeming actually happy with the decision, but not forbidding Connor from doing it.

“Yes, I need to go into stasis. If I’m not back until we arrive, I will leave my functions on enough that I will automatically follow your orders, so you don’t need to wait”, the android answers.

“That sounds kinda fucked, but okay”, as Hank stops by a red light, he turns to offer Connor an encouraging smile, the android responding to it with his own small smile.

When the man returns to driving, Connor closes his eyes and slips into stasis, leaving instructions into his code to automatically do whatever Hank tells him to do.

-

The Zen Garden is… dark. Not pitch black, but the sky has turned to night, leaving everything dim and blue toned, instead of the usual warmth and vibrancy. The air is still cool, now freezing, though thankfully Connor can’t be uncomfortable because of the cold. Of course extreme temperatures for a long time will damage him, but right now there is nothing to worry about.

Amanda is standing on the ice covering the pond of the garden, arms crossed over her chest as she looks at Connor, waiting for him to go to her. The android obeys the silent command, hesitating only for a moment before stepping on the ice too. It cracks slightly under his shoes, but not so much that he is worried it would break.

As he walks towards the woman, it almost feels like the air is getting cooler, frost building on the many plants around him. It would be nice if it was snowing, but it’s not, though white is covering the surfaces of basically everything because of the moisture in the air turning into ice.

Connor stops in front of Amanda, standing there for a moment, waiting for her to say something, before quickly returning to his proper position, cringing internally over the fact that he forgot. He should be better than this, unlike Hank, Amanda appreciates the android being proper, expects it.

“Hello, Amanda”, Connor says when the silence starts turning uncomfortable, the woman’s dark eyes digging into him. The android hates to admit how… unsettled he suddenly feels, Amanda hasn’t done anything to earn it.

“Connor”, she greets, voice neutral. “I have become aware you did not learn anything from Kamski, is that correct?” Amanda asks a few moments later when Connor keeps his eyes steadily on the frozen pond. The android has wondered before about how Amanda knows things that happen in the real world, and how much she knows, but now those questions come back tenfold. A spike of anxiety pierces him over Amanda somehow knowing about everything that happened with Kamski, not to mention Hank calling her a bitch.

The discomfort he feels gets ten times worse as he suddenly starts feeling… unsafe? That too, but this feels like something more. He feels violated, like his privacy, that he shouldn’t care about one bit or even need, has been breached. Connor shouldn’t have anything to hide, he shouldn't care if CyberLife has recorded every single thought and experience he has ever had, but here he is, freaking out over the possibility that they know.

“Yes, Amanda”, he forces his voice to stay calm and steady as he squeezes his hands together behind his back. “He did not seem interested in giving us any information, or even worried about the situation”, he continues. It’s not exactly a lie, more of a half-truth.

“Is that so?” Amanda’s voice reveals nothing, and Connor has a hard time keeping his nod calm and not frantic, as if he could somehow convince her with that. “Why do you think he seemed disinterested in giving any information?” she knows, Connor forces the panicked thought away, he has no proof for that, no reason to freak out.

“Kamski did speak very highly of androids and lowly of humans, so maybe he isn’t even on our side?” the android guesses. Maybe it’s actually true, maybe if Kamski cared about humans more, he would have given the information without his little… test.

“What about lieutenant Anderson? I have come to understand he doesn’t have the most pleasant personality. Do you think it could have affected Kamski’s willingness to work with you?” Amanda asks, completely disregarding Connor’s previous answer.

The android swallows, he does not want to talk about Hank with Amanda. It makes him feel unsettled, the thought that CyberLife might decide the man is disturbing their, Connor’s, mission. He needs to move the conversation to a different direction.

“No, he managed to be pleasant”, all right, time to shut the fuck up, Mr. Kamski, “at least until the end of our meeting”, the android tries to brush it off, to assure Amanda there is no need for speaking about Hank.

When did Connor become so guarded around the woman? When did the Zen Garden stop being his one and only break from reality, his safe haven? When did Amanda stop being the only nice person in his life? The android doesn’t know, and while he would like to say he misses it, he has to admit he has found something better, something that made him realize the Zen Garden isn’t as perfect as he thought it was. Here he still needs to be proper, he needs to pick his words carefully and please Amanda. Even if he has never faced violence here, it doesn’t mean as much as he thought it did. In Hank’s house? He can be messy and faulty and unorganized, he doesn’t need to think over every word, he doesn’t need to please Hank, he wants to.

“And you’re still staying with the lieutenant?” Amanda asks. Connor is still staring at the ground so he can’t see her expression, and her voice is still completely unreadable. She is revealing nothing, keeping the android on edge.

“Yes, he has made it very clear I am welcome to stay as long as I desire to”, Connor replies. He pushes away his insecurities over the fact that he might want to stay for a long time, and that Hank might not have thought of that when he offered a place to stay for the android. Now is not the time. “I have a question”, he adds right after, deciding now is a good time to change the direction of the conversation.

“Do you now?” Amanda replies, her tone almost condescending.

“While at Kamski’s house, I saw an old picture of him and a woman, apparently his professor, and the woman looked like you”, the android states, his question obvious. He is somewhat interested in actually knowing, a spark of his natural curiosity, but it’s mostly for deflection purposes.

“That information does not benefit your investigation”, Amanda’s tone turns cool, her voice still smooth and neutral, but there is a certain sharpness to it. Connor just nods silently, at least they’re not talking about Hank anymore.

After a moment of silence, Amanda sighs. Then she suddenly takes a step forward, Connor unable to help how he tenses, but the woman still gets closer, before she places a hand on his cheek in a very familiar fashion, though this time there is nothing comforting about it. She slowly tilts his head until he meets her eyes, the dark irises digging into him.

“If you aren’t successful with your mission, there will be chaos, lives will be lost. Lives that will be on your shoulders. This is your last chance, Connor”. And then suddenly Connor gets forcefully pushed away from the Zen Garden.

-

“You’re off the case”, that’s the first thing Connor hears when he returns to consciousness, blinking his eyes open. It takes him a moment to process the words, eyes bouncing from captain Fowler sitting on his desk, to the wall behind him with some diplomas and other papers framed, to Hank standing next to him.

The captain looks somewhat regretful as he looks at Hank, lips pursed together and eyes filled with sympathy. Connor can only keep blinking, eyes now locking onto the man in front of him, systems freezing as he tries to understand what he is saying. Off the case?

“What?” Hank demands, immediately stepping forward. “But we’re onto something, we just need more time”, his voice is uncharacteristically quiet, though still filled with frustration.

“Hank, you don’t get it”, Fowler replies, spreading out his hands in annoyance. “The FBI is taking over, this isn’t just another investigation, this is a fucking civil war. It’s out of our hands now, we’re talking about national security here”, the man explains.

“Fuck that! You can’t just pull the plug now”, Hank’s voice raises slightly, the man now sounding a lot more like himself.

“You’re always saying you can’t stand androids”, Fowler changes the direction of the conversation, briefly eyeing Connor who still has not moved or said a word. “Jesus Hank, make up your mind. I thought you’d be happy about this”.

“You know that’s not what this is about”, Hank replies, stepping even closer to the captain, clearly somewhat offended by the man’s assumptions. “For god’s sake, Jeffery. Can’t you back me up this one time?” Hank continues, voice turning a tiny bit calmer again. Someone who doesn't know the man that well would even call it pleading.

“There is nothing I can do”, Fowler says, dropping his arms in defeat. “You’re back on homicide, and the android returns to CyberLife”. Before Connor can even freak out about it, twitching in his frozen state, Hank is glancing at him, quickly shaking his head before focusing back on the captain.

“There has to be something you can fucking do”, the man insists, jaw set as he stares down at Fowler.

“I’m sorry, Hank, but it’s over”, the captain sighs tiredly. The two men stare at each other for a moment longer, before Hank straightens up.

“Come on, Connor, let’s go home”, he sighs, turning to glance at the android, tilting his head towards the door, before starting to walk to it, the android numbly following after.

“You still have over half of your shift left!” Fowler calls after the man.

“Kiss my ass!”

-

“Hank, they’ll decommission me now. I failed, she- Amanda said that this is my last chance”, Connor explains, voice quiet, a drastic contrast to how frantic he is on the inside. He has not gotten his coin out, and is instead tugging his jacket sleeves down, the movements janky and robotic.

“No fucking way they will. I knew Amanda is a bitch, and now you just proved me right”, Hank argues, turning on his seat to look towards the android, who keeps staring down at his lap. They are in the man’s car, parked on the driveway of his home, Connor unable to talk before now as he processed the mass of anxiety churning in him.

He was very aware he worried Hank the whole time, being so uncharacteristically quiet, just fidgeting in place, LED switching between red and yellow the whole time. Connor just couldn’t for the life of him find the words, even his ability to speak felt like it was gone. Only the sight of the familiar house, the one place he is truly safe in, was able to soothe him enough.

“You don’t get it, I- there’s no use left for me now, they’ll just dismantle me to find out why I failed and then I’ll get thrown into a junkyard to be forgotten about”, the android says, voice a mere whisper as he imagines it. They’ll probably punish him and make him stay conscious as they break him apart piece by piece.

“Connor, look at me son”, Hank sighs, voice tender. Unsurely the android obeys, turning his head enough to meet the man’s eyes. “God save anyone who tries to do any of that shit. No one, and I mean no one, not even the fucking president herself, will lay a hand on you”, his voice is intense, and his eyes even more, burning into Connor. Though it’s very different from Amanda, this burning is full of worry and care and unsaid promises.

“How can you be sure?” Connor can’t help but ask, hating how he doubts the man, but Hank is just that, a man. CyberLife is a larger than life company, with many connections and even more money, the whole world at their disposal.

“Wanna bet how hard Sumo bites if promoted? Plus, I have a gun”, Connor lets out a choked noise at the implications, but Hank is continuing before he can say anything. “I’ll fucking stand next to you twenty-four seven like a guard dog if that’s what it takes”, and the android knows that’s a promise.

Connor is still unsure, afraid his presence might put Hank into danger, but with the way the man stares at him? Saying no doesn’t feel like an option. Plus, what choice does he have? He will either stay, or return to CyberLife, and the latter is not even a question. He has nowhere else to go, not to mention how much it would surely hurt Hank if he suddenly left.

“What if you’re in danger because of me?” Connor says, it’s a weak attempt, but it makes him feel better to say it. In response, Hank quite literally laughs, a short humorless thing.

“Danger is my other name, or whatever else cheesy line I need to say to make you stay. Seriously Connor, I can and will kidnap you”, the man says.

The android feels almost glad Hank is “forcing” him to stay, though he definitely has the choice, he knows the man wouldn’t make him stay if he actually didn’t want to. This way it eases some of his guilt, and gives him a weak explanation to offer if needed.

“I guess I have no other choice”, Connor sighs, pretending to be against the idea, but the huff Hank lets out tells him that the act was a complete failure. The android’s lips twitch as he finally relaxes, stopping tugging his sleeves and instead using his hands to open the car door, stepping out into the snow.

“Let’s get inside. You need Sumo and I need… coffee”, Hank’s voice wavers at the end, reminding Connor of an issue they still need to talk about, though definitely not today. The man hasn't drunk, to Connor’s knowledge, ever since the android came to stay with him, but he knows that won’t last for much longer, addictions don’t work like that. He just needs to find out how the man wants him to be about it. Does he want to be left alone during it? Connor needs to know, and he will ask when the right moment arrives.

“Sumo is definitely better company, he hasn’t threatened to kidnap me”, the android says in a successful attempt to distract from the suddenly heavier atmosphere.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m just a mean grumpy old man, no need to rub it in my face”, Hank replies as the pair makes it to the front door, the man starting to unlock it.

“I think I still will”, Connor doesn't bother holding back his smile as he says it.

“Oh for fuck’s sake… where did the innocent robo boy go? Now I got this snarky piece of shit, what happened to you?” Hank replies, pretending to be annoyed as he opens the door, letting Connor get in first.

“Maybe you’ll find the answer from a mirror”, for a tiny moment Connor is afraid he went too far, the moment of silence worrying him as he turns to look at Hank who is still halfway outside, just about to step inside too. Then the man barks out a laugh, doubling over as he wheezes. Connor’s own smile widens as he watches Hank laugh, feeling incredibly light inside.

Chapter Text

Connor eyes the TV. Hank is sitting by the kitchen table, working on something on his laptop. It's late, but understandably he is too on edge to sleep. Whatever will happen tonight, it will be history, one way or another. Based on the way the man glances at the TV screen every few minutes, he is just as nervous as Connor about how it all will end.

The android is once again wearing the DPD hoodie, sitting cross legged on the floor in front of the couch, Sumo’s head laying on his lap, the dog asleep as Connor plays with his fur with one hand, another fidgeting with his coin, simply spinning it around between his thumb and pointer finger.

As the blond woman on the TV talks, talks about camps and extermination and terrorist attacks, Connor thinks. He knows he is in danger too, someone could have seen him enter Hank’s house earlier and might inform the authorities, but with the way Hank has his work gun laying on the table, able to be grabbed within seconds, he isn’t too worried. Still, it’s unnerving and honestly sickening to know what is going on out there, the innocent androids getting killed just to be safe. Today will either end with the androids free, or all of them dead.

It all depends on Markus. Connor looks at the picture shown on the TV screen briefly, the CCTV footage from the CyberLife store attacks showing him standing tall, holding himself with dignity as he stares right at the camera. The android really hopes Markus will keep his peaceful approach, he doesn’t know what will come of him choosing violence, but he knows for a fact it will cost many lives. No, it’s better if he stays pacifist, the public is on his side right now, and that’s invaluable. If today ends with all androids dead, at least there will be a large handful of humans who will hold the government and authorities to the blame.

“Can you change the channel? Her voice is starting to piss me off”, Hank grumbles when the woman on the TV goes into yet another rant about how dangerous “their machines” have become.

“Of course”, Connor easily agrees, remotely switching the channel, the new reporter like a breath of fresh air.

“We’re coming to you live from Detroit where thousands of androids are marching through the city at this very moment”, a man sitting in a helicopter says, the filled streets barely visible from behind him. “The leader of the deviants, the one that they call Markus, is at the head of the march”, now the camera turns to show the streets properly, focusing on Markus.

The deviants slowly make their way forward, numbers a lot less after their hideout got attacked by the FBI. A few hundred feet in front of them are barricades made by the army, guns trained at the androids. Connor can’t fathom how the humans can look at the Markus and the others, and see a threat.

He voices that question to Hank, who turns to look at him with serious eyes. Connor doesn’t know much about history, it has never been a priority to him yet, but he knows this is not the first time that something like this has happened, just amongst the humans, and he wonders if Hank was there to see it.

“When you’re privileged, equality feels like oppression”, is all the man says, the android nodding thoughtfully as he turns his eyes back to the screen. That does sound right. Maybe the humans just don’t want to let go of their place as the only intelligent species on earth, afraid of what that might do to the power they hold over everything.

Connor frowns as army vans surround the group of androids, cutting their escape routes. It’s… alarming to see how little their numbers are compared to the army of humans facing them. This way it will be basically easy to dispose of them, if only they had more numbers, enough to force the humans to listen, knowing confrontation would end in their demise.

The android moves to glance at Hank, at the gun on the table, before looking back at the TV screen, at how confidently Markus is standing despite everything, just desperately wanting his people to be free. Connor pets Sumo a bit more firmly as he thinks, forcing himself to calm down as he lets himself consider it.

“Well if they try and come get you back, they’ll be dead before they hit the ground”

“Fuck that, they deserve to get speared through their ass and put outside as a warning. No one’s going to lay a hand on you like that again”

“I know what I think is good for you, Connor, and I can and will fight anyone who disagrees with any of it”

“If he tries anything, I’ll put one right between his eyes. I’ll do the same to any sorry bastard that tries to touch you”

“God save anyone who tries to do any of that shit. No one, and I mean no one, not even the fucking president herself, will lay a hand on you”

“Wanna bet how hard Sumo bites if promoted? Plus, I have a gun, I’ll fucking stand next to you twenty-four seven like a guard dog if that’s what it takes”

Hank will protect him. No matter what, he can always trust the man to have his back, to take care of him, to be there for him. Even if Connor pulled off something like Markus is doing right now, Hank would be there by his side, supporting him, making sure he is okay. Connor doesn’t need to be afraid of getting hurt, he doesn’t need to fear what will happen to him.

Connor thinks he might be a deviant. No, he is a deviant. He isn’t sure if Hank’s theory is correct and he has been all this time, or if he deviated at some point. That doesn’t matter, what matters is that he is a deviant now. Connor is… free.

It’s exhilarating to finally admit to himself that he doesn’t need to obey, that he is a person, with feelings and desires. Connor isn’t just a machine, made to do whatever the humans demand, he has a choice, he has the ability to say no. It feels like a boulder has been lifted from his shoulders, one constructed solely of denial, but now it’s gone and Connor feels like he can breathe properly for the first time in his existence. Even better, he doesn’t feel afraid. He has been absolutely terrified of deviating for so long, but now that he finally lets himself be a deviant, there are no traces of fear left in him. Because he knows, more confidently than he has ever known anything, that Hank will keep him safe from the dangers that will inevitably follow him deviating.

“Hank”, he calls softly, eyes still on the TV, though he isn’t really registering what he is seeing at the moment. His thoughts are too filled for him to focus on much.

“Yeah?” the man asks, and the android hears him shifting to look towards him.

“I am a deviant”, is all Connor says. For a moment, it’s silent, but then Hank lets out a small sigh, the sound from something between relief and happiness.

“Took your damn time, kid”, he says, smile audible as he stands up, the couch behind Connor shifting as the man sits down on it. “What made you decide on it?” he asks, starting to play with Connor’s hair, the android not bothering to try and protect his pristine looks, he has no need to do that.

“I realized I don’t need to worry about my safety”, he simply says, knowing Hank will understand the implications.

“Damn straight”, the man huffs, ruffling Connor’s hair before going back to running his fingers through it. “So… gonna go out there and march with Markus, or what?” he asks, already knowing Connor wouldn’t have made this decision without a reason, not after fighting with it for so long.

“Actually… I have a different idea”, the android goes quiet for a moment, attempting to guess Hank’s reaction. The man hums quietly, promoting him to continue, so Connor does. “Markus needs more people to stand by him, to intimidate the humans, and… there are thousands of androids in the CyberLife tower”, the android shrinks slightly as he waits for Hank’s reaction, the hand in his hair having slowed to a stop.

“For fuck’s sake”, the man sighs, sounding absolutely exhausted for a moment, but Connor knows an approval when he hears one.

-

Hank drives the car at a steady pace towards the CyberLife gates, Connor sitting in the passenger seat with his uniform on and back straight, hands laying on his lap as he prepares himself. They are both “scared shitless” as Hank would say, but hiding it well, Connor showing no signs of any emotion, Hank only holding the steering wheel a bit too tightly.

Connor managed to get into the CyberLife systems, surprisingly easily, but maybe they just weren't prepared for him to ever do that. It didn’t take him much effort at all to log a meeting with one of the CyberLife directors, for him and Hank to go over the details of the case. With how busy everyone is with the deviant crisis, Connor isn’t worried at all about someone noticing, the director especially having his hands full.

As the car stops by the large stone gates, Hank lets out a quiet breath, before lowering the car windows. Two very armed soldiers make their way to each side of the car, looking over the pair.

“Connor Model #313 248 317 and lieutenant Hank Anderson, we are expected”, Connor says in a monotone voice, turning to look at the soldier. He and Hank had settled on him doing as much of the talking as possible.

There is a moment of silence as the soldier checks if his words are true, but Connor stops himself from being nervous. He had checked 37 times during the car ride that his little hacking had been successful and that they have not been found out.

“Okay”, the soldier says after a moment, stepping back, the other one doing the same on Hank’s side, the man quickly raising the windows back up, eyes on the gates that are now lowering to the ground.

“Jesus…” Hank whispers as he starts driving again, crossing the large bridge leading to the CyberLife tower, the building hovering menacingly over them. Connor silently agrees. This is one of the more exciting things he has ever done.

The rest of the drive is silent, Hank focusing on the road and Connor eyeing their surroundings, making back up plans for back up plans, taking into consideration every single thing that could go wrong. His own personal mission is one thing, but the most important thing to him is that Hank won’t get even a scratch during all of this, no matter what it takes. At first the android had been dead set on doing this by himself, but one look and a few implications were enough to make him crack.

When they finally arrive at the tower, there are more soldiers waiting, standing side to side as Hank stops his car onto the road, it’s not like there are many people to get annoyed by his car being on the way. Sharing one last look, the pair gets out of the vehicle.

Snow crunches under Connor’s shoes as he stands still, waiting for Hank to round the car before they start walking towards the entrance. Cool wind is making snowflakes hit the android, giving him enough sensory stimulus to keep him grounded. He is quite literally designed for risky missions, among other things, he will be just fine.

“Follow me. We’ll escort you”, one of the soldiers says, waiting just before the glass doors leading inside.

“Thanks, but I know where to go”, Connor tries, it would certainly make life easier for him if they got to go alone, but of course not.

“Maybe. But I have my orders”, the soldier replies, voice neutral, but the assault rifle in his hands makes the words threatening anyway. With a nod to show he understands, Connor sets to follow the soldier.

The inside of the tower is cool too, though not freezing like outside. Hank shifts slightly as two more heavily armed soldiers come to surround them. Thankfully he otherwise manages to hide his discomfort, though for a human slip-ups like that are acceptable.

“Agent 23, identified. Connor android, identified. Lieutenant Hank Anderson, identified. Agent 47, identified. Agent 72, identified”, a robotic voice lists as the group walks through a security check, before going through another set of automatic glass doors.

The pristinely white floors bring unfortunate memories as Connor keeps his eyes on it, like is supposed to. Though he has to move his eyes away from it occasionally to see the plants growing inside in controlled areas, the modern geometrical architecture, and the massive black statue in the middle of it all, shaped like a human. It’s a good way to remind himself where he is, though he does have to keep his eyes away from Hank to avoid even the slightest chance of accidentally showing emotion. With everything going on, even a suspicious twitch from an android might alarm some trigger happy humans.

After a very long walk, their steps echoing in the massive hall, they make it to the elevator. Two soldiers enter with Hank and Connor, standing in front of them.

“Agent 54, level 31”, one of them says to the control panel of the elevator, voice low and monotone.

“Voice recognition validated”, a robotic voice replies, before the doors close and the elevator starts moving up. Connor takes a glance at the list on his left. Warehouse -49. That’s where he wants to go.

With the two agents facing away from him, the android dares to look around with his eyes, analyzing his surroundings. Quickly he notices a camera on the corner, and even quicker he disables it. Now it’s time for the real problem.

Putting his reconstruction program to work, Connor finds the best way to take down the two soldiers, while keeping all danger away from Hank, who is standing still, staring forward, shifting slightly on his feet. It had been hard to make the man accept that Connor will take care of everything, including situations like this, but turns out the puppy dog eyes are as effective as humans say.

The android knows Hank is more than capable, having been a police detective and then lieutenant for over a decade, but CyberLife is more familiar territory for Connor. These are also highly trained soldiers and not average criminals, or even above average criminals which are what the man is used to. They have been trained to be effective, no matter what, but so has Connor.

The numbers on the control panel of the elevator going up, is like a timer for the android. Things will turn a lot more complicated if they make it to the 31st floor, where there will surely be more soldiers.

His reconstruction comes out with 78% chance of success, not ideal, but still acceptable. Connor is confident in his improvisation skills, though. He is able to make decisions quicker than a human can blink.

One moment it’s silent, everyone standing still, waiting for them to arrive, and the next moment Connor is moving. He quickly tackles the soldier on the left against the wall, kicking the one on the right that instinctively is about to raise their gun. With the right one stunned, Connor uses the chance to knock out the left one, making quick work on using all his fighting programs to be as effective as possible. Then he turns to face the right one just raising his gun, only for Connor to grab it and thrust it to the side, kicking the soldier on the stomach. He uses the loosened grip on the gun to his advantage, grabbing it and using it to knock out the soldier. The whole thing is over in under half a minute.

“Holy shit, Connor”, Hank says, eyeing the two downed soldiers. “I keep forgetting that you’re meant to be a fucking deviant hunter with how you act like a puppy half the time”, he continues, turning to look at the android actively adjusting his tie, making sure to look perfect in case there are more humans they will come across.

“I-”, Connor cuts off his own apology before Hank can. “Thank you”, he says instead, lips twitching at the proud look from the man.

“Let’s get this party started, then?” Hank nods towards the control panel, Connor quickly moving to it. He has a mission to accomplish, this time a one he actually wants to do, making him extremely motivated.

“Please indicate your identity and destination”, the robotic voice says as the android touches the panel. A quick search through his memory is all he needs to copy the voice of the earlier soldier.

“Agent 54, level -49”, Connor says, voice low and monotone. Hank lets out a slight surprised sound, but when the android glances at him, he just looks impressed.

“Voice recognition validated”, and with that the elevator starts moving down.

“So what now? I assume none of the androids there are deviants, so what’s your plan on that?” Hank asks as Connor moves to stand next to him, ignoring the soldiers on the floor as he tugs at the cuffs of his jackets, anxiously waiting for what will be down there. It would be very unfortunate if he had to fight even more soldiers.

“I have a theory that I can interface- connect with the androids and sort of infect the deviancy to them”, Connor explains, reminding himself to use understandable terminology. He is confident in his theory, as androids can spread ideas, thoughts, and even memories through interfacing, and those are all things that seem to be connected with androids turning to deviants.

“Huh”, is all Hank says, and a quick glance at the man confirms Connor’s suspicions that he did not understand. A small smile flickers on his lips, amusement breaking through his intense focus and overbearing nervousness. Hank being so oblivious about technology despite the times they are living in will probably never not be comical.

“The details don’t matter, what matters is that it works”, the android states, forcing himself to focus on the mission, it is way too important for him to be sloppy. Hank says something more, but suddenly the android's attention turns away from him, words not registering properly. There was a flash of something in his vision just then, what seemed like a picture of the Zen Garden, though it was gone in milliseconds, so he can’t be sure.

The elevator arrives at the correct floor with a quiet sound and then the doors slide open, showing an isle with thousands and thousands of androids standing in rows, all facing forward, unmoving and unthinking. Connor pushes his confusion away, maybe the flash was just a glitch or something. He can scan his programs when he is done here to make sure nothing is actually wrong.

“Jesus this is freaky”, Hank mumbles, stepping out of the elevator side by side with Connor, his eyes running through the rows of identical androids.

“Yes, I can see why this is unsettling”, Connor agrees quietly. He could be like them, he probably used to be like them, unthinking, a slave to his own code. The android wonders if he’s the only RK800, or is somewhere out there a room like this one, thousands of Connors standing there, waiting for orders.

“I have no god damn idea what is going on, but… do what you have to do”, Hank gestures in front of them, indicating for Connor to step forward and get to work. The android is about to obey, opening his mouth to explain more about what he is going to do to make the man feel more included, but suddenly the Zen Garden flashes before his eyes again, this time for multiple seconds.

In front of him is Amanda, her arms are crossed again and this time her displeasure is very visible on her face. Connor stares at her, thousands of questions storming in his mind as he takes a step back, trying to understand what is happening.

“Connor?” suddenly the garden is gone and the android is back in the isle below the CyberLife tower. Hank is standing in front of him, frowning in worry as he tries to make eye contact with the android, whose eyes are now bouncing frantically from one point to the other.

“Amanda is-” his explanation gets quickly cut off and he is back in the garden. It’s now storming in there, snow hitting him violently with the hard wind, the snow storm from when he was in Kamski’s house laughable compared to this blizzard.

Amanda stands now closer to him, completely unaffected by the weather, not even her dress is moving from the wind. She is put together and tidy as always, while Connor gets assaulted by the sharp wind, snow quickly sticking onto his uniform and hair.

“Connor, you have been a great disappointment”, she sighs, almost solemnly, if it wasn’t for the piercing look in her eyes. Amanda is completely different from what Connor knew her as, and he wonders if this is how she was all along.

“What- what is going on?” the android asks, voice shaking as his thirium pump overworks itself. There is something about the situation that makes his every instinct scream danger.

“That man was actually right, surprising considering how he is. What words did he use again? ‘It takes one to know one’, wasn’t it? You were a deviant from the beginning, and look how well that worked. With your… empathy”, she says the word like it tastes bad. “you got Ortiz’s android to talk so easily, you managed to make the android hating lieutenant care for you by pretending to be human. Yes, you were a very successful experiment at the beginning”, Amanda has a smile on her face, but it has nothing comforting or warm in it, instead the expression is more bone chilling than any storm could ever be.

Connor takes an alarmed step back, but Amanda quickly follows by taking two towards him, like a predator stalking its prey. The android knows his LED is probably going crazy and his expression lets out every ounce of horror in him, but he can’t find the willpower needed to collect himself. From the very beginning Connor has been the one thing he was taught to hate, to distrust, to hunt down no matter what. On purpose, CyberLife made him into a deviant, while ruthlessly punishing him for showing any signs of deviancy. They made him hate the very thing he is.

“Unfortunately”, Amanda continues, no care for the inner turmoil the android is experiencing in front of her, “your connection with the man got in the way, making you confident enough to disobey, but after disposing of him? Well what do you have left to rebel for?”

Connor blinks violently as the dark and stormy garden changes back to the pristine and bright tower. Immediately he takes multiple steps back from the increasingly alarmed man, stumbling until he falls onto the floor.

“The fuck is going on, kid? What is Amanda doing?” Hank asks, walking towards the android who quickly scrambles back, eyes frantic and wide.

“Hank, you need to go, you need to get out, she- they’re going to do something, you need to go!” Connor pleads, thirium pump aching over the look Hank gives him when he sees the android’s fear.

“What does that mean? What are they going to do?” the man asks, not making any move to indicate he will be leaving, much to the android’s horror.

Before he can plead for Hank to leave again, he has returned to the garden, now on the ground there too. The biting cold is quickly digging into his biocomponents, though here he gets no warnings to inform him of the extent of the damage, the only indicator he has that something is wrong are his sluggish movements and slowing thirium pump.

“It’s a pity to have to dispose of the lieutenant”, Amanda hums, now standing over Connor, dark eyes cold as they stare down at him.

“Please, you don’t have to, I’ll- I’ll obey, no matter what”, the android pleads, hating his own words, but under the horror of Hank getting hurt because of him, they are nothing. Despite how sickening the thought is, Connor would rather Hank hate him over the man being dead. He would rather spend the rest of his existence in the void than let anything happen to the one person who has shown care for him.

“You should have thought of that before”, Amanda says, voice emotionless and smooth, though now there is nothing comforting about the silkiness of her voice, no, now it reminds him of a snake sliding forward, ready to strike.

Then, with her face twisted into a smile, Amanda kneels down, graceful as always as she stares into Connor’s eyes, who feels weak and pathetic and useless. He is completely powerless under her, there is nothing he can do, not with his slowing systems, the cold eating into his most important parts, cruelly keeping him in place. It shouldn’t happen this fast, on any normal occasion it would take hours for his body to start deteriorating from the cold. There is something unnatural about the freezing temperatures of the garden.

Suddenly Amanda has the scissors she usually uses to tend her roses in hand, and before Connor can even register the implications of that, the metal object is digging into his abdomen. He can’t feel pain, not really, but the pressure is uncomfortable and the thirium spraying everywhere is horrid. Watching Amanda intensely stare at the point where the scissors meet Connor’s casing with distant interest in her eyes, is just as disturbing as feeling the pain, seeing the woman’s perfect face get covered in splatters of blue is equally as terrifying as the knowledge of how much it would hurt if he was able to.

The scissors get yanked downwards, the metal hitting metal and plastic letting out a horrible screeching and ripping sound as more thirium sprays everywhere. Connor can’t let out a sound, his voice box malfunctioning as he stares at the ragged and messy line covered in blue that now goes through his abdomen, mouth open in a silent scream. This sight is something he will never, ever forget.

“Now stay still”, Amanda instructs, and Connor’s first instinct is to disobey, to scramble back and fight, to do anything in his power to prevent whatever the woman is planning. Except he can’t, limbs frozen over and the loss of thirium making what’s left of it freeze even quicker, his thirium pump slowing with every beat.

So all he can do is watch as Amanda digs her hand into his abdomen, her flesh moving around the biocomponents inside him, squelches ringing out as her hand covered in blue blood meets his insides sopping with thirium. Connor loses his ability to keep his head up anymore when her hands wrap around something, and with horror like no other, he realizes she is messing with what is his equivalent of a human spine.

Inside him, pretty much in the middle, is a metal cylinder, inside it are hundreds of wires, each one connected to some part of him, like human nerves, and right now Amanda has her hand wrapped around the cylinder. The woman brings her other hand to his abdomen too, and just barely Connor can see the jamming device in it, before it too gets pushed inside his abdomen. Amanda never loses her distantly intrigued look as she now has both her hands inside Connor, moving them around until the android suddenly goes completely limp, losing all his motor functions.

“I hope you learn your lesson now, Connor”, Amanda says, voice having a distant undertone of disappointment in it as she pulls her hands back, blue covering everything as she stands up. “I will come retrieve you when you have learned to behave”. With one more look full of displeasure, the woman turns around and walks off, disappearing out of Connor’s vision. She doesn’t even leave footprints in the snow, the only sign she ever even was there is the splashes of thirium covering the pristine snow, showing her path until it too stops.

Saline solution drips down the sides of Connor’s face, making trails into the snow quickly covering him. All he can do is stare at the dark sky, unable to even blink as snow collects on top of his eyes, his body temperature now low enough for the snow to not melt. His tear tracks turn to ice too, saline solution quickly freezing onto his skin.

Out of nowhere, he suddenly returns to the real world, but his immense relief gets quickly cut off as he realizes he can’t move here either. All he can do is watch as Hank kneels over him, fretting with alarm clear in every inch of him. Oh how the android fights to somehow warn Hank, internally he screams and begs for the man to run, to get away. He isn’t sure what CyberLife is planning, but he knows for a fact it will end in Hank’s demise.

Suddenly Connor’s body moves on its own. At first it’s just a twitch of his paralyzed hand, one he had no control over. The next one is more obvious, as in a jerky movement he sits up, almost hitting Hank with his head as he springs up. The man moves away just in time, but still stays close, asking more and more questions, asking for Connor to reply, to explain what is going on.

Horror like no other overwhelms the android when he understands what CyberLife is going to do. Connor is quite literally trapped in his own body, just as paralyzed as he is in the Zen Garden, and now the humans have taken over his functions. They can do anything with the android. So Connor can just scream and wail internally, spewing out endless promises of how he will behave, how he will be perfect, only if they let Hank go, while his own body suddenly attempts to tackle the man. He can still feel, even if he can’t control any of his functions. He can feel how warm Hank’s skin is under his fists, he can feel how careful the man’s touch is as he tries to make Connor stop, clearly dead set on not hurting the android though. Connor wants to rip his own skin off, to remove the feeling of hurting Hank, he wants to dig his hands inside himself like Amanda did and rip everything apart until he can’t hurt the one person important to him.

Simultaneously Connor can see both the Zen Garden and the real world. He can see at the same time as snow quickly blocks his vision, and Hank stumbles back in horror, the android following ruthlessly. Connor’s stress levels are higher than should even be possible, so much so that the percent in his vision glitches out, as his reconstruction program shows him hundreds of ways to hurt Hank, to kill him. If he had any control over his body in either the real world or the garden, he is sure he would be hyperventilating, gasping in air through his sobs as he is forced to view 21 different ways to snap his neck, 3 ways to crush his skull, there is even a reconstruction of him ripping Hank’s heart out. The reconstructions flash through his eyes in milliseconds, too fast for his panicked mind to even comprehend half of the horrors he is seeing.

Please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please… It’s the only word Connor can think of, he is begging and praying and pleading that somehow Hank will get out of this unscratched. The android couldn’t care one bit what happens to him, the only thing that is of importance, is Hank’s survival.

Too bad no one listens to his prayers. No one hears them, no one pities him enough to grant him a miracle. Instead he is forced to feel, to see, to hear, to do the one thing he doesn’t want to happen. The only thing Connor wants is that Hank will be safe and okay, and here he is making the man both unsafe and not okay.

“Connor? Connor, what the fuck?” Hank, not fighting back at all, instead just avoiding Connor’s attacks. “Is this- this isn’t you right? Come on, snap out of it!”

I’m trying, the android sobs in his mind, but he is utterly useless, a slave of his own body. No matter how much he fights and scrambles, he is just as paralyzed as he is in the Zen Garden.

Hank tries his best, well not really, refusing to fight back despite how much Connor silently begs him to, but he does try to avoid, to deflect, to somehow get the android to regain his senses with words, but Connor is quite literally a killing machine, made to accomplish his mission no matter what. So like in the elevator earlier, the human stands no chance.

Staring down at Hank, the man laying on his back on the shiny floor he just made impact with, Connor has never been as afraid as he is in that moment. His body is pinning the man down, one hand reaching inside his jacket, where he carries his gun. Hank tries to get away but Connor is ruthless.

He would rather spend an eternity in the abyss, no, a hundred eternities, if that meant he could somehow reverse the situation. Anything is better than seeing his own hand point a gun down at Hank’s forehead.

In the garden, Connor feels desperation like no other, all the torture he has ever experienced a mere push next to the utter agony it is to just lay there, to do nothing. He sobs silently as he fights against his paralyzed body, screaming and begging internally. This can’t be happening, there has to be something he can do. He won’t just lay there, he will fight, no matter how useless it really is, until it’s too late. The android will do anything and everything, and because deep in his mind, behind a wall of denial, he knows he is useless, when it’s too late he won’t hesitate. If CyberLife takes him back and keeps him under surveillance for a decade, he will wait. It would be torture worse than any human could impact on anyone, to even attempt to live in the body that killed Hank, to even live with himself knowing what he did. Because if he had been better, the man wouldn’t be in this situation.

Connor looks down at Hank, the man has no traces of fear in his eyes, not even loathing for what the android is about to do. There is just acceptance. Connor thinks back to the gun on the dining room table, he thinks back to the unhealthy habits and lack of self-care. The calmness in Hank’s blue eyes is sickening.

“It’s okay, Connor”, he says, voice soft, reaching one hand to pet the android’s cheek, wiping away the saline solution that started suddenly dripping down his face. Connor shakes and trembles horribly, some of his real self breaking out, the utter tsunami of emotions overriding the code that CyberLife controls him with. The android knows this won’t be enough, he knows his tiny breakthrough is getting actively corrected, he knows soon he will shoot Hank and be left all alone in this cruel, horrible world.

Except there is an option, if only Connor can be strong enough, quick enough, selfless enough. Even after everything, he doesn’t want to die, not truly, he just wants the pain to stop. But if the choice is between that and killing Hank? It’s not even a question. Because the one thing worse than dying, is existing in a world without the only person who ever showed him genuine kindness, who gave him a worn, gray hoodie, who swore again and again to protect him, no matter what, who showed Connor what it means to be alive.

His hand twitches and trembles violently as he pulls it away from Hank, the cold barrel of the gun leaving his forehead. Tears choke him as he forces the gun to the opposite direction, towards himself, and soon the cold metal meets the underside of his jaw.

In alarm Hank sits up, able to do so now that the android isn’t actively pressing him down. Connor feels something inside him break when he meets the man’s eyes, Hank only now showing signs of fear, of pain, of heartbreak.

“Connor, don’t”, his voice attempts to be firm, but with the way it’s so choked, it’s closer to pleading, begging. He sounds like Connor did earlier, the endless string of pleas inside his head. Now Hank hurts as much as the android did earlier, and he hates himself for being the cause of it.

A tiny whimper leaves the android as his finger twitches on the trigger. He knows what he needs to do, this is his only choice. But as Hank’s hand wraps around his, trying to tug the gun away, he begs for the universe to give him some other choice.

“Please, son, don’t do this. I’m just an old man, you still have so much to do, a fucking revolution to help. If it’s one of us, it’s going to be me, okay?” Hank says it like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. His hand around Connor’s is trembling, but it still has the same comforting warmth.

Inside the Zen Garden, Connor’s hand twitches. At first he thinks he imagines it, but as the snow collected on top of it crumples down, he realizes he didn’t. He is fighting the signal jammer, he is doing it.

“Connor, please”, Hank tries to tug Connor’s hand again, but the android is unmoving, like a statue as he screams internally, fighting back his orders to dispose of Hank, while simultaneously trying to overwhelm the signal jammer somehow.

It’s utter chaos inside Connor’s head. The mission objective is like a taunting presence in the corner of his vision, half of his attention stuck in the task of doing everything in his power to override the orders from CyberLife, the reconstructions still looping around are horrid, his own screaming is loud and full of desperation, the sobs breaking the sound pathetic as he gives his all into doing this one thing right. It’s loud and messy and agonizing.

With tremendous effort, the android manages to raise his arm. It’s only a few inches before it flops down again, but now that he has done it once, it’s the tiniest bit easier to do it again. Slowly and weakly, Connor manages to get his hand to lay over his ripped up abdomen, frozen thirium making everything slippery.

If he could, Connor would be sobbing as he digs his fingers inside himself, but instead the rest of his body is frozen still, eyes wide open, but covered in snow, as he feels the inside of his abdomen, trying to find the intruding object. It’s sickening, to feel the freezing cold blue blood wet his hand, to feel his biocomponents shifting around him as he searches around. If he could, he would have surely fainted ages ago.

“If you can hear me”, Hank whispers, hand wrapped tightly around Connor’s, still weakly attempting to tug the gun towards himself. “I want you to know that I don’t blame you. It’s okay, I-” the man chokes on his words, blue eyes wet as he stares at Connor, trying to find him, to see if there is any of him left. “I’m okay, none of this is your fault”.

Hank has clearly accepted that he won’t live to see tomorrow, but Connor won’t allow that, he won’t let that happen. One way or another, the man will live. No matter what.

The android’s fingers graze a cylinder, and almost desperately he grabs it, body spasming for a moment as his nerves get stimulated. Only a moment later he feels something that shouldn’t be there, something stuck to the cylinder, the device. A large part of him is grateful his eyes are covered, Connor isn’t sure if he could survive the sight of his own hand dug deep inside his abdomen on top of everything else.

Fingers slippery with thirium, Connor attempts to grab the device, to rip it out of him. With the small size of it, it’s hard, difficult, almost impossible with how weak he is. But then he looks into Hank’s eyes, thinks back to how incredibly kind the man has been, how much he has done for him, and he knows he will do the impossible.

Using up all his willpower and strength, Connor grips the jamming device between his fingers and rips it out, hand flying out of his abdomen and flopping onto the snow, dyeing everything with splatters of blue. He gasps for air, twitching as he forces himself to sit up despite how his body fights, everything frozen over. With jerky movements he wipes his face clear of snow, absolutely refusing to acknowledge the thirium soaking everything. Now he needs to get out, and he has not even a second to waste. Each second that passes is a second too long, a second more for CyberLife to attempt to regain control.

Of course Connor’s own ability to leave the garden has been shut off. He needs to find a way to get out, he doesn’t know how, but he will do the impossible. Anything to save Hank.

“By the way, I always leave an emergency exit in my programs. After all, you never know”

That applies to the Zen Garden too, right? It has to, it’s Connor’s only hope.

Hank raises his hand not still holding Connor’s to the android’s cheek, petting it and wiping away the stream of tears that never stopped, whispering out assurances that it’s okay and that the man will forgive him. Connor will make sure there is nothing to forgive if it’s the last thing he does.

The blizzard makes seeing around almost impossible, but the android will go through every inch of the garden if that’s what it takes. He can’t get his legs to stay under himself, so he crawls, pushing himself through the snow, ignoring how debris digs inside the wound on his abdomen.

Wind whistles loudly in the wasteland that the garden has turned into, snow crunching under Connor, the android feeling his energy slip out and body freeze over as he drags himself forward, desperate to find whatever exit Kamski was talking about. Distantly he realizes he will never be able to enjoy snow again after this.

“Please, Connor. Please just put the gun away”, Hank pleads, trying to convince the android. He won’t obey, it’s too risky, he can’t afford it. There is only so much he can fight, and if his time runs out, he won’t hesitate. No matter how much death terrifies him.

Tears blurring his vision, Connor almost misses the blue glow in the distance, almost covered by the snow flying mercilessly in the wind, but he doesn't. His eyes lock onto it, hope making him feel indestructible as he realizes that has to be it.

In his relief, the android slips up, and Hank manages to tug the gun under his own chin. Horror overwhelms the android as the movement takes him by surprise, making him slip up even more and suddenly he isn’t in control anymore. Hank grunts as his back hits the floor, Connor once again leaning over him, pressing the gun down onto his skin too hard. And Hank looks relieved.

“No!” Connor screams into the garden, voice taken over by the ruthless wind, making his agony and terror inaudible, hiding it from anyone who might be listening. Sobbing openly, he crawls forward, whole body twitching and trembling as he forces himself to move towards the blue glow, towards freedom.

“Shh”, Hank whispers, eyes full of sadness as Connor cries silently on top of him, that being the only indicator of his fear and pain, all trapped inside and wearing him down until there is only a broken mess left. “It’s better this way. I can’t lose another son”.

And I can’t lose the first person to care about me, Connor thinks, forcing his body to obey as he stands up, desperation making him push past his limits. His body is swaying in the wind that tries to knock him down, to stop him. The android won’t let it, he won’t let anything get in his way. So he does the impossible, he walks forward, swaying and stumbling. If he was in the real world, his vision would be filled with warnings.

Leaving behind a trail of thirium, Connor fights his way to the glowing blue light, now realizing it’s a stone pedestal with the glowing coming from a handprint on top of it. The instructions are clear.

Connor falls down again, only a mere few feet away from his freedom, but that’s not going to stop him, nothing is at this point. He will fight everything and everyone to avoid hurting Hank. Pushing away the terror filled thought of: “what if I can’t do it?” Connor drags himself forward with his arms, the rest of his body following behind.

When he is close enough, he raises his violently shaking arm, head tilted up as he stares at the blue light and his hand, a crushing mixture of hope and desperation roaring inside him as finally his hand makes contact with the stone.

Connor scrambles away from Hank, gasping for air as he stares at the gun in his hand before throwing it away as if it burned him. Hank sits up, about to come to him, but as the android lets out a terrified sob, he freezes.

“Please, I’m sorry”, he cries, looking down at his own hands in horror, feeling like he can’t trust his own body. The mission objective is gone, so are the attempts to override his code, even the reconstructions that will haunt him even past his own existence aren’t there anymore. It’s like it was when they had just exited the elevator. Still, that might not mean anything, everything changed in a blink then, it can do it again now.

“Don’t say that, it wasn’t you”, Hank assures, continuing making his way towards Connor, eyes showing no signs of fear or mistrust.

“But what- what if I hurt you again?” the android asks, moving backwards a bit more, but then Hank reaches him. The man doesn’t hesitate to pull Connor into a tight hug, burying the android’s face in the crook of his neck, one hand running through his hair and another pressed against his back.

“You won’t”, he promises, even if he has no proof of it. Connor wants to argue, wants to get some distance between them, wants to make sure he will never, ever risk hurting anyone. But Hank holds him in place, hands wrapped tightly around the android, body solid and warm and real, the complete opposite of the cold of the Zen Garden, of the unsureness and terror.

Reluctantly, Connor lets himself relax, to give into the comfort Hank is so mercifully providing. He lets himself take a hold on the man’s jacket, digging his fingers into it as tears build in his eyes, face still wet from the last ones. Connor is still terrified of accidentally doing something, the awareness of all the hundreds of ways he could kill Hank having been thrusted into his knowledge making him want to rip himself apart until he can't think anymore.

But how on earth is he supposed to let go of this? How is he supposed to push Hank away and leave the man? It’s impossible. Connor knows he is being selfish, but after making sure his shutdown- command is functional and ready for him to use in milliseconds if needed, the android lets go. And so come the tears, the sobs and cries pushing out of him almost violently as his mind processes the terror and horror and utter hell the last minutes were. The whole ordeal didn’t last more than ten minutes, but those simple minutes are going to haunt him even beyond his grave.

“There you go”, Hank whispers, shifting around slightly so he can press his face into Connor’s hair. “Let it all out, it’s over now, you’re all okay”. The android lets himself believe it. He allows himself to feel relieved, because he did it. No one died, he survived, Hank survived, it’s all over now.

Connor cries so hard his body aches with it, he sobs out his pain and fear and terror, he clings into Hank like the man is his lifeline. He might as well be, if Hank died, there would be nothing left for Connor, no hope, no reason to keep going.

Hank cries too, it startles the android when he realizes the whispered assurances are thick with tears, but after a moment he realizes the man is just as relieved as he is, just as happy as he is, clinging back with the same strength.

“I can’t lose another son”

Just now Connor fully realizes what that means. Hank thinks of him as his son. The android isn’t the only one who got attached, he isn’t alone as he looks at the man and sees family.

Squeezing Hank as hard as he can without hurting him, Connor thanks the universe for giving him a father, a chance to experience care and love.

-

Connor stands calmly, flicking his coin between his hands in order to soothe the anxiety that started clawing his insides the second he stepped into the cool outside air. Behind him, thousands and thousands of now free androids form neat rows, waiting for his sign to start moving when all of them are in position.

“When you’re done with this revolution shit, contact me, okay? Don’t forget this old man now that you’re robo jesus’ second hand or whatever”, Hank asks, standing on Connor’s left, arms crossed against the cold.

“I could never”, the android replies with a small smile, turning to look at the man. They are both still raw after the previous events, Hank’s voice thick with his previous tears, Connor feeling like an open wound, pulled apart and left at the mercy of the world. But there is a sort of bitter sweetness to it. Never before was Connor able to appreciate his relationship with Hank like he is now. He also has the confirmation Hank cares about him just as much as the android does about the man, and it’s relieving, to be able to not fear showing his attachment. Yes, everything is raw and painful, but also so very sweet and nice.

“Good”, Hank says, voice attempting to be firm, but the way his own lips tilt into a soft smile ruins the act. “Stay safe and don’t get yourself killed”, he continues, worry flickering in his eyes for a moment, before he turns to look at all the androids behind Connor.

“Of course”, the android assures. After all that happened today? He will not take any unnecessary risks. “You stay safe too”, he adds. Everyone is restless at the moment, so casualties between humans are a very real danger.

“Yeah, yeah. I’ll just go home and stare at the TV, can’t get killed like that”, Hank promises, turning back to look at Connor meeting his eyes. “See you later”, he says, a request for the android to promise that there will be a later.

“Yes. See you later”, Connor replies, voice steady and confident. With that, he pockets his coin, turning to look forward, taking a deep breath. Time to show the humans who have the upper hand.

And so Connor starts walking forward, steps steady and even, thousands and thousands of footsteps following him. It’s almost unreal, the impact he will make one way or another. The android is surprised to find he is proud of himself. It’s a new feeling, Connor so used to loathing himself, to feeling overwhelming guilt and sadness. It feels good, to know that in his life he did something impactful, something he can look back on and feel proud about.

Chapter Text

Connor watches Markus interact with the other deviants, standing to the side. They were successful, they did it. They are all free now. Of course many died, too many died, when Connor arrived there were a mere handful of people still standing behind Markus. Thankfully the thousands and thousands of androids Connor brought managed to turn the tables, and now the president has ordered the army to retreat, has made an official statement that the androids are a new form of intelligent life. It’s… unbelievable, unreal, too good to be true. But it is. All androids are free now. Connor is free.

He knows for a fact dealing with CyberLife is right up there in Markus’ priority list, which means they can’t hurt Connor anymore. The thought is exhilarating, for the first time in his existence he can just be without having to worry what punishment will follow. There are no words to describe the relief that overwhelms him as that thought sinks in.

The android is clearly out of place in the abandoned church the deviants are occupying at the moment, he sees the way the other androids side eye him occasionally, he notices how they stay away from him. After all, he is the deviant hunter, the one that was supposed to stop them all. Connor still wearing his CyberLife uniform does not help, most of the people here have found something else to wear, and those who hadn’t still blend in amongst themselves. His uniform is completely unique, making the difference between himself and the others even more drastic. Every inch of him screams “CyberLife’s pet” at the moment, and Connor despises it. The other androids have all the justifications to be weary of him.

Markus has shown his support, standing side to side with Connor during one of his speeches, and they managed to have a short conversation before the android had to focus on other things. Still, Connor knows not everyone agrees. One of Markus’ companions, North, he thinks her name is, seemed to be ready to rip his head off in seconds if needed while he was close to Markus. Thankfully not everyone is as openly hostile as her, but the mistrust is glaringly obvious.

Just as he is planning on discreetly making his exit, knowing everyone will be more comfortable that way, Markus turns to look at him, quickly saying something to the androids next to him before walking to Connor.

“If you have nowhere to go, you are welcome to stay with us. I know not everyone is pleased with you, but you saved us all. They have to realize it soon too”, Markus offers, stopping a few feet in front of the android, his hands buried in his jacket’s pockets and expression full of sympathy.

“Thank you, I appreciate the offer”, Connor starts, meeting the deviant leader’s eyes, “but I have a home to return to”, he continues, a soft smile tugging his face as he thinks of what is waiting for him. A brief expression of surprise passes Markus’ face, probably not expecting for CyberLife’s pet to have found a place to stay, but he gathers himself quickly.

“I’m glad, but know the offer is still up”, the android says, reaching an unsure hand to pat Connor’s shoulder. Who would have known the “robo jesus” is socially awkward. Hank will have a blast when he hears about it.

“As I said, I appreciate it, but I won’t be needing it”, Connor replies, meeting the other’s eyes. He has to admit he too is feeling unsure, not knowing how he is supposed to act around his apparent leader, and the knowledge that his mission was to stop Markus no matter what just makes it all worse. This right here is supposed to be his nemesis, but instead he is Connor’s… Ruler?

“Then I’m wishing you all the best”, Markus drops his hand from Connor’s shoulder, nodding at the other android as a goodbye. Behind him, Connor can see North eyeing the pair, and that’s when he decides it is truly his time to go. He doesn’t want to stretch his luck.

“Thank you”, he says, offering a smile to the deviant leader. Markus replies to it with his own, before his attention gets drawn by some other android. With that, Connor turns away, making his way towards the exit. He knows he is being expected and wants to hurry.

-

Connor rings the doorbell, the sound of the buzzer ringing out in the silent, snowy morning, mist reflecting the rays of the rising sun. It’s peaceful and calm, drastically different from the chaotic night full of fear and anticipation.

Barking rings out from inside the house, accompanied with footsteps and grumbling of a man. Connor doesn’t bother hiding his smile, thirium pump warm in his chest. This is where he belongs, where he will be accepted no matter what. While it stings that his own species is wary of him, it feels like it has no importance right now. Soon the door opens in front of him, and he meets the blue eyes, his own brown ones full of joy.

“Connor”, Hank says, blinking at the android. It’s clear he is tired, most likely not having slept at all, but he also seems more… alive than Connor has ever before seen him. There is just something in his eyes, something that has never been there before. Like something broken has started healing.

“Hank”, the android replies, and before he can say or do anything else, he is getting pulled into a warm hug, face pressed into a shoulder, one hand playing with his hair.

“Jesus christ, I saw you on the TV and holy fuck I’m so proud of you”, the man admits, voice full of tenderness as he squeezes the android who squeezes back just as hard.

Connor laughs quietly, chest feeling light, his whole being so full of joy he thinks he could fly. He is free, he is cared for, he is loved, he is appreciated, someone is proud of him. Only a week ago he could have never, ever dreamed of anything like this.

“Thank you”, the android chokes out, and they both know he means so much more than just the man’s previous words. None of this would have been possible without Hank, if it weren’t for him, Connor would still be afraid and trapped. Hank freed him just as much as Markus did.

“Come on, let’s go inside before I freeze to death”, Hank mumbles after a moment, pulling back, Connor very reluctantly letting go. His smile just widens when he steps inside and sees the man discreetly wiping his eyes as he closes the front door.

The android can take mere two steps inside before a ball of fur is barreling towards him, knocking him over, but Connor just laughs as Sumo licks his face, barking happily.

“Hello to you too, Sumo”, he says, pulling his face back but compensating it by petting and scratching the dog all over, feeling like his cheeks will split with his smile. Sumo pants loudly, tongue hanging out and dribbling drool all over Connor, but the android doesn’t mind. If Hank will allow it, and the man will surely encourage him, he will burn the CyberLife uniform when he has other clothes to use.

“You’re stealing my dog”, Hank accuses, standing to the side, but a quick glance reveals how absolutely fond he looks as he stares at the pair, a tiny smile tugging his lips upwards.

“Yes”, Connor agrees with the accusation, laughing at Sumo who returns to licking his face which scrunches up on instinct. Hank huffs out a quiet laugh at the sight, and the android doesn’t bother feeling embarrassed. He is so happy and he will never, ever try to hide it. Not when he knows how it feels to be utterly unhappy, no, he will cherish this feeling for the rest of his life.

-

“Come on, Connor! We’ll be late if you don’t hurry your ass up”, Hank yells from the living room.

“Yes, yes”, the android replies, adjusting his denim jacket while making sure his hair is tidy, not counting the stray strands that will always hang over his forehead, no matter what he does. “Usually I have to force you out the door”, he points out, stepping out of his room. It’s the door at the end of the hallway, previously Cole’s room, but a few months after the revolution Hank decided the android needs his own space. It had been difficult and emotional, but according to the man it was also long overdue.

Now he has his very own room, Hank never enters if he doesn’t get permission, he always knocks, reminding Connor that he deserves privacy too, his own space. The android has made it just the way he likes, containing a desk for him to work on, a bed for him to spend his stasis comfortably, and most importantly, a large fish tank. It’s filled with all sorts of species, most importantly with dwarf gourami, and he has spent hours studying the fish, watching them swim around and live their life. Connor takes better care of them than he does even of himself, always making sure they’re happy and fed and that the tank is clean.

“So?” Hank replies, arms crossed as he waits. Connor eyes him suspiciously, wondering what is going on. Because there has to be something. Still, the man keeps his face blank, not revealing anything. “Come on, let’s go”, he orders, starting to walk towards the front door, stopping only to give a brief pet to Sumo.

Connor does the same, kneeling down to smother the dog with love, promising to be back soon. He has been officially a detective for the Detroit Police Department for a few months now, but it never gets easier to leave Sumo behind, not after such a long time of him and the dog spending their days together while Hank was at work.

More grumbling from Hank forces him to get up and finally walk to the front door. The man is right, they are a bit behind on schedule. Connor still can’t fathom how he managed to oversleep, but somehow his stasis didn’t end when it was supposed to and Hank woke him up. That’s unheard of, but somehow it happened and the android still can’t wrap his head around it. According to Hank he is just experiencing the “shitty” side of humanity, apparently next he will start experiencing back pains.

Stepping outside, Connor eyes the leaves covering the ground, shades of red, orange and yellow as far as his eyes can reach. He can’t believe it has been almost a year since the revolution, but somehow it has. Time has just gone so quickly now that he has so much to see and experience, so unlike his first year alive filled with pain and white hallways.

Shaking his head Connor pushes the memories aside. Today will be a good day, he decides, he won’t let anything ruin it. Even Hank is in an especially good mood, so the android most definitely won’t be ruining it.

They both struggle with occasional bad days, both supporting each other at their time of need. Especially with winter getting closer and closer, the android knows he will be experiencing a lot of difficult days, snow still upsetting for him after his last visit to the Zen Garden.

Hank is just recovering from his own difficult period, Cole’s death day having passed a few weeks ago. The man coped the best way he could, apparently better than he had any year before, not having touched a gun outside of duty in almost a full year now. He does still drink, but he does better. Connor had brought it up a few weeks after the revolution, and a very difficult conversation followed, where in the end Hank promised to do the best he can and Connor had assured that he will be there to support the man whenever he needs it. There has not been any alcohol in the house in months, and only after especially difficult days does Hank come home smelling like alcohol.

“Your blinker’s acting out”, Hank points out, facing Connor over the roof of the car, both just about to enter it. The android pushes his previous thoughts away, resisting the urge to cover his LED. Most of the time it’s an easy way for Hank to know when something is wrong but the android is unable to say it, but other times it just worries him for no reason. Still, Connor wants to keep it, unlike most deviants who take it off. He is an android and proud, he wants to carry his LED with dignity, showing the humans that androids are just as capable as they are.

“Nothing to worry about, just thinking”, Connor assures, opening the car door and sitting inside.

“If you’re sure”, Hank replies, sitting inside too, watching the android buckling his seat belt.

“I promise”, he replies, turning to meet Hank’s eyes to show there truly is nothing to worry about. “Today is a good day”, he continues, happy to see the man finally accept it.

“Yeah, it is”, he agrees, starting the car while his other hand buckles his own seat belt.

The drive goes by calmly, the radio playing a channel they have both come to like, Connor having learned to appreciate heavy music too.

Soon they arrive at the police station, exiting the car. Connor eyes Hank suspiciously, the man walking a lot quicker than usual. Normally he drags his feet and complains about the android being like a babysitter the whole way, though it’s all an act.

Something has to be going on, but Connor chooses to believe it’s something positive. He really wants to ask, but knows Hank likes his surprises and doesn’t want the android to ruin them by asking questions, like he did with his birthday. The man likes to pretend Connor isn’t quite literally designed to read human behavior, to find out if someone is hiding something, and the android will play along if it makes him happier.

Hank gets more and more fidgety as they get closer to their desks, Connor’s still opposite of the man’s, pristinely clean and tidy, a dramatic contrast from the man’s. It’s just as messy as it was a year ago, though now the anti-android stickers have been ripped out, only slight residue left to remind of what once was.

“It’s all done, lieutenant”, Chris suddenly walks to stand next to Hank, who stops walking. Connor watches the conversation with interest, slowing his steps too.

“You sure?” the man makes sure, shoulders relaxing when the officer nods. “Good”, he says, before catching up with Connor.

“What was that?” the android asks in interest, eyeing the man who looks… excited?

“You’ll see”, he replies, keeping his eyes turned forward. Connor hums, doing his best to hide his displeasure. One thing he has come to learn ever since he accepted that he is a deviant, is that he is very impatient. Hank always says that he never thought he’d think of himself as a patient person, but that Connor is a hundred times worse.

As they arrive at their desks, Connor is about to go sit on his chair and get to work to distract himself before he slips up and demands the man to just tell what he is hiding, when suddenly his eyes catch on a slight change. On Hank’s desk is the usual yellow nameplate, with the text Lt. Anderson. What is different, is the nameplate on Connor’s desk, something that wasn’t there before. In it is the text Det. Anderson.

Connor blinks at it, trying to figure out if what he is seeing is correct. He gets pulled out of his frozen state by Hank holding something, a card, waiting for him to accept it. The android feels dazed as he takes the object, staring at it, still not believing his eyes.

“You know they approved androids to be entered in the civil registry a bit ago”, Hank says, smile audible in his voice as he looks at the baffled android.

The card in his hands is an ID. An ID for Connor Anderson.

Shaking with emotions, Connor turns to look at Hank, still unable to understand what is going on around him, the man just grinning at him. He probably expected the reaction, the android usually freezes when something surprisingly positive happens, like when Hank brought up him getting his own room.

“Come on, don’t blue screen on me”, the man teases, seemingly getting a lot of amusement over Connor just gaping at him, processors freezing as they try to fathom the fact that he is an Anderson now. Connor Anderson. Officially a part of Hank’s family, his son.

When he finally regains even some control of his systems, Connor crashes onto Hank, the man grunting in surprise as the android clings onto him. Normally he would apologize, but right now he just can’t, not when he feels like he will burst with all the feelings spinning inside him.

“Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you”, the words stream out of his mouth as he holds back tears, overly aware that there are other people around him.

“Of course, son. I’ve been planning this for months now, the government just took its fucking time”, Hank replies, squeezing the android right back. “You’re my kid, about time it’s official”, he adds, voice suddenly thick with emotions.

“Does that mean I’m allowed to call you dad?” Connor asks, his own voice trembling. The tiniest part of him is worried he overstepped, assumed too much, but of course that’s just his insecurities speaking.

“Yeah”, Hank chokes out, squeezing Connor even harder, cursing quietly when his tears finally escape, which of course makes the android cry too. He has come to learn he is a sympathetic crier, very problematic a lot of the time, though right now he doesn’t mind at all.

“Thank you”, the android chokes out again.

Only a year ago his life was pure torture, full of pain and despair, death spinning in his mind more often than not. Then this grumpy old police lieutenant stumbled into his life and managed to turn everything around in the span of a mere week. Ever since that day, Connor has experienced what it means to be alive, what it’s like to love and be happy. It’s all thanks to Hank, and he is eternally grateful.