Archive of Our Own ^beta

Tommy and Tubbo had been best friends for years, so when it came time to move out and get their own place, it was a no-brainer that they would become roommates. They found a small apartment in the heart of the city – nothing fancy, but perfect for two guys ready to take on the world.

Everything was going great until one morning, Tommy woke up to find Tubbo in the kitchen, staring intently at a slice of bread. Tubbo held it up to his face, sniffed it, and then slowly placed it back onto the counter before poking it with a fork. 

“Uh, Tubbo? What are you doing there, mate?” Tommy asked, rubbing his eyes.

Tubbo looked up, his eyes wide with what Tommy could only describe as a weird mix of confusion and curiosity. 

“I am… examining it,” Tubbo replied slowly, like he was picking each work with great care. 

Tommy raised an eyebrow, “You’re examining… bread?”

“Yes,” Tubbo nodded solemnly, “I saw you eating it yesterday, and I wanted to understand why you enjoy it so much.”

Tommy laughed, thinking his friend was just being his usual weird self, “It’s just toast, Tubbo. You know, for breakfast?”

“Ah toast!” Tubbo brightened up, as if he had just unlocked a major secret. 

He grabbed the slice and stuck it into the toast, with a newfound sense of confidence, “Yes, of course. Toast.”

Tommy shook his head, still half-asleep, and headed for the bathroom, “You know, you’re acting a lot weirder than usual, Tubbo.”

As the days went by, Tommy started to notice more strange behaviours from Tubbo. It wasn;t just the bread incident. Tubbo seemed… off. He was overly fascinated by the most mundane things. He would stare at people in the street, mimicking their gestures and facial expressions. When Tommy caught him practising different ways to laugh in front of the bathroom mirror, he started to get genuinely worried. 

“Ok, Tubbo,” Tommy said one evening, sitting down on the couch next to his friend, “You’ve been acting really strange lately. Is something going on?”

Tubbo’s eyes darted around the room, as if searching for an escape route. He took a deep breath and looked Tommy in the eye.

“Tommy, I need to tell you something, but you have to promise me that you won’t freak out.”

Tommy frowned, his concern growing, “Alright, I promise.”

Tubbo hesitated for a moment before leaning in close, “I’m… not from here.”

“Well, no shit sherlock. You’re from Snowchester,” Tommy joked, trying to lighten the mood.

“No… I mean, I’m not from… earth,” Tubbo whispered.

Tommy blinked, “You’re… what?”

“I’m an alien, Tommy.”

Tommy stared at Tubbo, waiting for the punchline, but it never came. Tubbo’s expression was dead serious.

“You… you can’t be serious, Tubbo,” Tommy finally said, though his voice wavered.

“I am. I was sent here to study humans, to learn how to be like you guys. That’s why I’ve been acting so strange – I’ve been trying to copy your behaviour, but clearly, I’m not doing a very good job.”

Tommy leaned back, trying to process this, “So… all this time… you’ve just been an alien? Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because I don't want to scare you, Tommy,” Tubbo said, his voice small, “I didn’t know how you would react. But I can't keep pretending anymore – I am terrible at it.”

Tommy looked at Tubbo, his mind racing. It all sounded so ridiculous, yet – at the same time – everything suddenly made sense. The way that Tubbo would sometimes mix up common sayings, his odd fascination with simple activities, the weird rituals that he sometimes performed that Tommy had always chalked up to Tubbo just being Tubbo.

“Alright…” Tommy said slowly, “Let’s say that I believe you. What now? Are you planning on going back to your planet or something? Now that you’ve exposed yourself?”

Tubbo shook his head, “No! No, definitely not. I like it here. I like being your friend. I just… I need your help to be more human, so that I can fit in better.”

Tommy took a moment to think and then grinned.

“Alright, alien boy. I’ll teach you everything you need to know. But you have got to promise not to poke any more bread with forks.”

Tubbo’s face lit up with a smile, one that Tommy was the most human expression that he’d seen from his friend yet, “Deal!”

Tommy still couldn’t believe it. His best friend Tubbo, the same Tubbo who played video games with him and shared late night snacks, was an alien. After the big reveal, everything started to make sense – Tubbo’s weird habits, his odd fascination with the most mundane things, and those moments where he seemed genuinely baffled by human behaviour. 

And so, Tommy had taken it upon himself to teach Tubbo the ways of the earth – how to properly eat toast, how to laugh naturally, how to blend in with the crowd. There were plenty of mishaps along the way, like the time Tubbo tried to use a banana as a telephone or the day he mistook a mannequin for a real person and tried to make conversation.

One evening, Tommy decided that it was time for Tubbo to experience the glorious human tradition of eating pizza. The pair ordered a large pepperoni with extra cheese, and Tommy was ready to dig in as soon as it arrived. Tubbo, however, stared at the greasy box like it was a mysterious artefact. 

“Alright. Tubbo. This is pizza, one of the most important foods on earth,” Tommy declared. 

Tubbo cautiously lifted a slice, examining it from every angle, “Why is it triangular?”

“Because that’s just how it is. Trust me, it tastes amazing. Just take a bite!”

Tubbo looked sceptical but obediently took a bite. His eyes widening as the flavours hit his tongue.

“This… this is incredible!” Tubbo exclaimed, as if he had just discovered the meaning of life. 

Tommy laughed, feeling a surge of pride, “See? Being human isn’t so hard when you’ve got pizza.”

Tubbo nodded enthusiastically, reaching for another slice, this time with a lot less hesitation. Tommy couldn’t help but smile, he decided that maybe this wouldn’t be so difficult after all. 

But the next challenge came during a trip to the grocery store. As they walked down the aisles, Tubbo seemed intent on mimicking the interactions that he saw around him. When they reached the checkout line, a friendly cashier asked cheerfully. 

“Hi there! How’s your day going?” she had asked cheerfully.

Tubbo froze, clearly unsure of how to respond.

Tommy quickly jumped in, “It’s going great, thanks! How about you?”

The cashier nodded, but before she could respond, Tubbo blurted out, “The weather is adequate today, don’t you think?”

Tommy cringed. It was a perfectly reasonable statement, but the robotic way that Tubbo had delivered it made it sound more like an alien observing humans than participating in the conversation. 

The cashier smiled politely, not knowing what to say. Tommy quickly paid and hurried Tubbo out of the store.

“Alright, mate,” Tommy said once they were outside, “we need to work on your small talk.”

“Small talk?” Tubbo asked, tilting his head.

“Yeah, it’s when humans talk about random stuff to be polite. Like, if someone asks how your day is, you just say something simple like ‘good, how’s yours?’ You don’t need to analyse the weather like it’s a science project.”

Tubbo nodded slowly, taking in the information. “So, it’s not about the actual content, but about the connection?”

“Exactly! You’re getting it,” Tommy said, clapping Tubbo on the back, “Next time, just keep it short and sweet.”

Tubbo practised his small talk for the rest of the day, greeting random strangers with a mix of confidence and awkwardness. It was a work in progress, but Tommy could see the effort.

Sarcasm, Tommy had realised, was another tricky concept for an alien to grasp. One day, as they were watching a movie, Tommy made an offhand comment about how the terrible special effects were ‘absolutely brilliant.’

Tubbo’s face lit up, “Really? I thought they seemed unrealistic.”

Tommy groaned, “No, Tubbo, I was being sarcastic. When I said ‘brilliant,’ I meant the opposite.”

Tubbo frowned, “But why would you say the opposite of what you mean?”

“It’s just... it’s a way of being funny. Humans do it all the time. It’s like saying something so over-the-top that people know you don’t really mean it.”

Tubbo looked perplexed, “So, you say the wrong thing on purpose to make others laugh?”

“Pretty much, yeah.”

Tubbo pondered this for a moment before attempting his own sarcastic comment, “Well, that sounds incredibly logical and not at all confusing,” he said, deadpan.

Tommy burst out laughing, “See? You’re getting the hang of it!”

Tubbo beamed, clearly proud of his newfound skill. Sarcasm quickly became one of his favourite forms of communication, though he still sometimes struggled to recognize it when others used it. But Tommy didn’t mind – he actually found Tubbo’s attempts endearing.

On another evening, Tommy decided that it was time to introduce Tubbo to the world of social media. They set up an account for him, and Tommy showed Tubbo how to post a tweet.

“Just say something random or funny,” Tommy explained, “People love that.”

Tubbo thought for a moment before typing, “Humans are fascinating creatures. #LearningHuman” and hitting send.

Tommy stared at the screen, then burst out laughing, “That’s... okay, maybe don’t make it so obvious that you’re an alien.”

Tubbo frowned, “But I’m learning to be human. Shouldn’t I share my experiences?”

“Maybe tone it down a bit,” Tommy suggested, “Try posting about normal stuff, like food or what you’re doing.”

Tubbo nodded and posted a picture of the pizza that they had eaten the other night. “Pizza is a delicacy,” he wrote. Tommy checked the tweet and nodded approvingly. It was a small step, but at least Tubbo was starting to blend in more.

The weeks turned into months, and Tubbo gradually improved at being human – or at least pretending to be one. He obviously still had his quirks, but Tommy had grown used to them, and even found them endearing. Whether it was Tubbo’s overly literal interpretations of idioms or his habit of observing people like they were lab specimens, it was all just part of who Tubbo was. 

One day, after a particularly chaotic attempt at cooking dinner – where Tubbo tried to follow the recipe to the exact milligram – Tommy sat down with him in the living room.

“You know,” Tommy began, “You don’t have to try so hard to be human. You’re already a great friend, and that’s what matters most.”

Tubbo looked at Tommy, his expression softening, “But I want to fit in, to be like you.”

Tommy shook his head, smiling, “You already do, mate. Sure, you’re a bit different, but that’s what makes you special. And honestly, you being an alien is pretty cool. Who else can say their best friend is from another planet?”

Tubbo’s face lit up with a bright smile, one that was genuinely warm and human, “Thanks, Tommy. I don’t know what I would do without you!”

Tommy grinned, playfully ruffling Tubbo’s hair, “Probably confuse a lot of people and poke more bread with forks.”

Tubbo laughed, a sound that had become more natural and less practised over time, “Well, I’m very glad I don’t have to do this alone.”

Tommy nodded, “Me too. So, what do you say? Ready to take on Earth, one weird human custom at a time?”

“Absolutely,” Tubbo replied, his smile widening.