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Here is my professional opinion, as an English major working a menial labor job:  Destiny, Dallas, and Deja Vu are icons, they are legends, and they are the moment.

I know a lot of people don't like these three, but those people are wrong.  They're at most the equivalent of twelve- or thirteen-year-olds (more on that later), and they're the primary breadwinners for a family of one hundred and one.  Were YOU responsible for financially providing for over a hundred people as a preteen?  I didn't think so.

It's clear from dialogue and context clues in both "The Woof Factor" and "Doggy Da Vinci" that not only does most of the family's money come from the triplets' acting jobs (they have to be incredibly high earners given that we see their faces on a bus advertisement in "London, We Have a Problem"), but that the family burns through that money extremely quickly -- which makes a lot of sense considering how many mouths they have to feed.

If you keep that fact in mind while watching the three, suddenly their more annoying behaviors seem a lot more endearing.  It's true that they're fussy and demanding, I won't pretend they aren't, but I maintain that most of their diva attitude (not all, but most) is justified by the work they do.  When a child takes on adult responsibilities it's reasonable for them to get some adult privileges as well.

Their fussiness in regard to their appearance is particularly justified, because their cuteness is what makes them successful as actors.  The pressure on them to keep bringing in money must be IMMENSE, and the best thing they can do to accomplish that is to make sure they always look as cute as possible.  OF COURSE they're finicky about their looks!

I noticed that the triplets are also surprisingly helpful around the household outside of their job.  In "Perfect Match" they notice that Dolly has something bothering her and offer her advice (which admittedly inspires Dolly to do something incredibly foolish and harmful, but in fairness their advice might have been different if they'd had more context).  In "Crushed Out" they help out with Dylan's date, in "Fear Window" they help Dolly scratch her itches while she's injured, and in "Curse of the Ferrydog" they participate in Dante's song to bring Dylan back to reality.  Whenever they're not working or being pampered or bemoaning some disaster, they're looking for ways to help out.

They're incredibly talented performers with a super impressive range -- from pro wrestling to traditional Irish dancing.  They do their own stunts, up to and including parachuting out of a real helicopter (eat your heart out Tom Cruise), which means on top of being cute they're also surprisingly athletic (in fact, they're the first pups Mom would've chosen for the reverse heist in "Diamond Dogs").  They're always perfectly in-sync with each other any time we see them perform, and in "The Woof Factor" they manage to film two commercials in a single day, saving the Woof: Scent of a Manly Man one from Dylan, Dolly, and Deepak's disastrous failure in a single take.

In addition, I think they're among the best-written characters on the show, with an ideal mix of "spoiled celebrity" and "friendly puppy."

Also, they're like, really, REALLY cute.  So, yeah, I'm a fan.

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As the oldest kids and functional parent figures of the family, both Dylan and Dolly find themselves dragging Deepak into things from time to time.  Sometimes it's necessary, like in "Snow Day" -- Deepak's still a puppy, it's not safe to leave him alone at home when the whole family is going out -- and sometimes it's really not, like in "The Woof Factor."  (The least Dolly and Dylan could've done was pick three pups who were the SAME SIZE to masquerade as Triple-D; no, I will not let this go.)  But yeah, it happens.

And both of them sometimes fumble the ball when dealing with Deepak in particular.  Dylan does so when he fails to protect him from the Dimitrio's bullying in "Wow of Miaow," and Dolly does so when she carelessly covers him in shampoo and then blames him for not being ready in "Snow Day."  This is almost as much a function of poor Deepak's bad luck as it is of their failings as caretakers.

Looking outside of those trends, Deepak seems to be noticeably closer to Dolly than to Dylan.  Dolly notices many of the ways that Deepak helps out, whereas Dylan doesn't until they're pointed out to him.  Dolly is strongly tempted to let Deepak out of quarantine in "Fleamageddon" when she hears his stressed-out pleas, but Dylan isn't swayed.  Dolly is the one whom Deepak sits next to on Guy Fawkes Day Boom Night.

I also think Deepak's dream in "Puppy Dreams Part 2" says a lot about his feelings regarding Dolly.  In the dream, Deepak borrows Dolly's skateboard without asking to sit on while meditating.  Dolly tries a variety of noisy but non-violent methods to disturb Deepak's meditation so he'll get off of her board, but none of them bother him in the slightest.  Then she sits with him on the skateboard and it promptly rolls into danger, whereupon she sticks a helmet on Deepak's head to protect him.  While the board is levitating at the other end of the halfpipe, Deepak nonchalantly walks off it to the safety of the other side, leaving Dolly to skate back down herself.  In the dream, Deepak's anxieties and bad luck are nowhere to be found.  Our takeaway from this is that Dolly makes Deepak feel safe.

Deepak has two memorable interactions with Dante.  The first is in the beginning of "Wow of Miaow," where Deepak manages to make Dante shut up about the end of the world by giving him a soothing head rub.

The second comes in "The Walls Are Alive."  Pups are disappearing left and right, Dante is of course ranting about DOOM, and Deepak is right behind Dante, pushing his motionless black-with-white-spots furry butt along the floor with his head in order to make sure he stays close to Dylan and Dolly and doesn't get left behind to also disappear.

The common thread between these two interactions is that Deepak is the best little bro ever and he looks after his unhelpful emo big brother to the best of his ability.

Update:  I found another blink-and-you'll-miss-it interaction between them in the Season 1 finale, when everybody's boarding the bus at the end.  It looks like Deepak is sitting on Dante's back, comforting him, and possibly rubbing his head again.  The trend continues.

To the best of my recollection, Deepak's only direct interaction with Dawkins is in the beginning of "Wow of Miaow," where he locates the last piece of Dawkins' puzzle just in time to halt his incoming panic attack in its tracks.

This, combined with Dawkins recommending Dylan get Deepak's input for a soft science question in "D-Factor," and the fact that Deepak demonstrates a working knowledge of Dawkins' kibble-dispensing contraption in "Snow Day," suggests to me that even though they may not be super close, they both have a very favorable and respectful view of each other.  Which makes a lot of sense, considering that both of them play instrumental roles in keeping the household running smoothly behind the scenes and neither of them gets much open acknowledgment for it.

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I am occasionally willing to ship brother-sister pairings, provided they are animals.  But not in this case.

The siblings in this show consistently behave like siblings, so shipping them feels unnatural.  Dolly and Dylan are no exception.

There is only one episode in the show where I can see any basis for this ship:  "Long Tongue Day" (which incidentally is one half of my favorite pair of episodes in the show).  If you watch that episode on its own, then Dolly and Dylan's interactions there could come across as romantic, what with them wanting to swim together with nobody else around.  However, if you watch it in the context of the rest of the show, then they clearly just mean that they want an opportunity to relax for a bit and get away from crowds in general and their horde of screaming siblings in particular -- and who could blame them?  It sucks that they have to function as parental figures for so many children at their age.

(Also worth noting, Mom doesn't see it even in that episode.  She isn't shipping trash like I am.)

Even if they were romantically interested in each other, they make no sense as a couple in the long term.  They have almost nothing in common.

Here's the complete list of activities that Dolly and Dylan both enjoy:

1.  Swimming on a hot day

2.  Playing with the pups (which they tend to do in different ways)

3.  Hanging out with Roxy, Hansel, and Fergus (for very different reasons in two of those three cases)

4.  Bonding with their parents

5.  Watching videos of dogs being better at things than humans (as seen in a series of promotional videos outside of the show itself)

That's literally it.  And three of those things involve a third party.  You can't maintain a healthy romantic relationship without spending quality time together.  What, are they supposed to just spend all of their dates watching YouTube videos and making out and doing nothing else?

This ship just doesn't work.  Sorry.

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In the early episode "Winter Funderland," Dolly randomly exhibits heat-based superpowers -- specifically, she's immune to negative effects of the cold and can turn her paws into powerful heating devices by rubbing them together.

It's weird.  It's not commented on in the episode and it never comes up again in future episodes.

And it's not something I can dismiss as mere cartoon logic, like that time Hunter survived jumping out of a helicopter and crashing through the roof of a building, because everybody else around her freezes solid.  Including Hansel, who is bred for the cold.  Which Dolly isn't.  Because Dalmatians are from Croatia, which isn't especially cold.

We don't really know what to do with this information.  I kind of want to just pretend it didn't happen, which isn't normally something I do.  The alternative is to say that Dolly's a super-powered mutant.

Like I said, it's weird.

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The Dimitri trio are the only pups we get to know that I'm sure are adopted.  Why?  Because while Doug and Delilah certainly have their faults as parents, giving three of their offspring the same freaking name so they have to be numbered isn't one of them.  I don't believe either of them would've done that.  It must've been the trio's old family that named them, whoever that family may have been.

(Honestly, from a writing perspective, the fact that the only repeat names in this family belong to a set of triplets is such a waste.  It would've been both more realistic and more interesting if the Dimitris had distinct appearances and personalities from one another so we could say that each of them originated from a different biological family, and we could enjoy the tension that arises from different individuals who happen to share a name struggling not to be lumped together as a unit.  Instead we just get the same character three times for no good reason.)

I don't like these three as much as some folks do, though I do appreciate their presence for at least one reason:  in a household with ninety-seven children, realistically SOME of them are gonna be (what in my family we call) boogers.  (Online people tend to refer to kids like this as "little s***s.")  It's important to have a few pups in this massive sprawling family who just make trouble and mess things up and bully the smaller pups without having too many redeeming qualities.  It would be statistically improbable for the case to be otherwise.

Here's my headcanon for the Dimitris:

They were born to a less-than-doting mother and never knew their biological dad.  They grew up on the streets of London, stealing food and committing petty juvenile crimes and basically just being dog versions of Charles Dickens's Artful Dodger.

Eventually they wound up being taken in by Doug and Delilah.  They were among the most recent additions to the family, despite also being older than most of the other pups (they're old enough to tower over Deepak, but they're still smaller than Dawkins and Da Vinci).  They still haven't fully adjusted yet to living in a house as part of a family and having Dylan boss them around and being expected to follow rules, which is why they're so ill-behaved.

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The general consensus seems to be that Dante's mostly-black coat is a totally-unrealistic, purely-stylistic choice by the show's artists.

Google Images and Reddit say different.

https://www.reddit.com/r/aww/comments/vuktcs/have_you_ever_seen_a_reverse_dalmatian/

https://www.reddit.com/r/dalmatians/comments/l2q27n/heres_my_almost_black_dalmatian/

It seems to be a case of the pupper having so many black spots that they blend together and only leave small patches of white.

But wait! I hear you saying.  What about his purple spots?  Surely that's still unrealistic?

He shares a house with Da Vinci and is a goth.  Obviously he got her to paint some of his white patches purple so he'd look cooler and more edgy.

Somewhat unrelated, but during one of our conversations about Dante Mom asked me if I thought that he was Black-coded.  (Not in those words, since she's unfamiliar with the phrasing.)

I really don't.  He's just a goth.

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We do not see enough of any character in this show to make any conclusive diagnoses.  Not even Dolly or Dylan.

There is, however, room for speculation.

Dolly may or may not have ADHD.  She's impulsive, is a very poor listener, and has great difficulty sitting still, all of which can and does negatively affect her functioning in daily life -- for example, in the episodes "Fear Window" and "Balancing Act," neither of which would've happened if she didn't possess these flaws.

She does not, however, exhibit all of the common symptoms, and may not meet all of the diagnostic criteria.  For instance, there's no evidence that she suffers from executive dysfunction -- any time we see Dolly not do something, it's always very clearly a conscious choice on her part, or a case of that something not even being on her radar in the first place.

Mom also reports that ADHD has been highly overdiagnosed, so some caution should be exercised in applying it, even to fictional characters.

Dylan and Dawkins both show some signs of potentially being on the high-functioning end of the autism spectrum.  Both are neurotic, deeply passionate about specific fields of interest, and prone to social cluelessness and awkwardness.  Both of them struggle to deal with stress, unexpected developments, and pranks/jokes at their expense, and tend to freak out a lot.  And like Dolly, both of them are also rather poor listeners (see: "It's My Party").

We're doubtful in Dylan's case, chiefly on the grounds that he's much, much more socially engaged than a typical autistic person.  He spends practically all of his time around people and managing people, and extroverts with autism are pretty rare.  I know if I (being on the spectrum myself) were in Dylan's position, I'd be FAR more of an overstimulated wreck than he is.

Dylan's tendency to have over-the-top freak outs could just as easily stem from an anxiety disorder or some form of OCD as from autism.  And you don't have to be autistic to love outer space or to make a fool of yourself in conversation.

Dawkins, though, could be on the spectrum.  He spends less time dealing directly with the other pups than Dylan does.  In addition to the things listed above, his attachment to Princess Positron, admission of feeling isolated and lonely in "Fetch," difficulty in understanding the emotions of those around him, and habit of formally announcing his own emotions ("Feeling anger" "Feeling disappointment") are all reminiscent of behaviors and traits common in those with high-functioning autism.

That being said, I want to stress once again that we do NOT have enough evidence for a real diagnosis.  All we can do is make guesses.

Dylan also seems to have a somewhat fragile grip on reality at times, losing track of the difference between what's real and what isn't at least thrice over the course of the show (in "Dal-martians," "The Curse of the Ferrydog," and "Poodlewolf!").  The technical term for what he experiences in "Poodlewolf!" is "delusion," and our best guess is that at least that delusion could be tied to video game addiction.  Maybe, at least?

I think this is the sort of issue that plagues cartoon characters more often than real people.

Deepak clearly struggles with anxiety, but we have no way of knowing whether or not he has an actual diagnosable anxiety disorder.

Dante's perpetual doomsaying could just be something he does as part of his personality, but it's also possible that it could be part of a mental illness, or a response to some traumatic experience(s) he had prior to the show.  Or he could have a medical condition we don't know about that could be contributing to this behavior.

In "Dante's Inferno" his behavior before and after being cheered up by some of his predictions apparently coming true is strongly reminiscent of depression and mania, respectively.  HOWEVER -- and this is important -- neither period lasts long enough to meet the diagnostic criteria for a depressive or manic episode.  They're both over too quickly.  He could have depression, or Manic Disorder, or Bipolar Disorder, but what we see isn't hard evidence.

It's worth noting that, if Dante or any other pup in this family were to have some sort of mental health crisis, we wouldn't necessarily be able to trust the others to notice.  Dolly and Deepak are probably the ones most likely to pick up on such an issue, but it wouldn't be fair to expect either of them to due to their age and inexperience.

Finally, there's Hunter (who isn't technically a member of the Dalmatian family, at least not yet, but whatever).  The way he acts like a dog after spending months alone in a crate could be a trauma response, or a psychotic break.  The fact that he understands the language of dogs now is downright freaky, and has no real-world explanation.

Outside of that, it's clear that he's been neglected and verbally abused (and possibly physically abused as well) by his family, such as it is, throughout his young life.  Mom is an advocate that, going forward from the end of Season 1, he should join the Dalmatian family.  After all, they've already got so many kids, what's one more?

I'm a bit more on the fence.  I think Hunter made a great villain, and I do think his redemption was earned, but I'm somewhat skeptical that he could become part of the family without stealing the show in annoying ways.  That's more of a writing thing than a psychology thing, though.

Update:

Miklos Weigert, the creator of 101 Dalmatian Street, has confirmed on the platform-formerly-known-as-Twitter that Dawkins is indeed on the autism spectrum.

He also says that "Da Vinci, like many artists, also has certain traits associated with Autism Spectrum," though (contrary to what the wiki says) he doesn't actually clarify whether he thinks she's diagnosable or not.

In addition, the wiki theorizes that Da Vinci might have schizophrenia, for reasons discussed in Chapter 9 of this work.

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It's not Dante, that's for darn sure.

Or the Dimitris, who are quite literally negative help.

Destiny, Dallas, and Deja Vu do a disproportionate amount to contribute to the household in comparison to their age.  (Maybe.  Their age is impossible to pin down.  More on that later.)  They literally keep the roof over everyone's heads.

However, while their job is important and respectable and requires skill and effort and probably causes them stress and it's super impressive that they're doing it, it's still not all that labor-intensive.  They seem to have a pretty good work-life balance (certainly better than most of their siblings).  I'm not too worried about them.

Da Vinci is overworked in "Doggy Da Vinci," but the way the problem is framed in that episode makes it clear to me that that's the exception, not the rule.  Mostly, she does exactly as much art as she wants, the way she wants to do it.  Quite frankly, I'd like to see her helping out with the younger pups a bit more.  I bet she'd be good at it.

Diesel is randomly put in charge of planning Deja Vu's birthday party in "It's My Party," even though it makes absolutely no sense to choose him for such a task.  And yet he proceeds to absolutely crush it, arranging a better party than Dylan, Dawkins, and Dolly put together, mostly because he's the only one of the four who bothers listening to what the birthday girl wanted.

It was just a one-time thing, though, I wouldn't call him overworked.  (Although there's also the time he was briefly elected Top Dog.  That was obviously too much to expect him to tackle.)

We don't see enough of DJ to be sure of how much he's contributing to the family, but I get the sense that he's at least doing his fair share.  He has a paying job (even if it pays in food) and single-pawedly saved the day (almost) in "Fetch" because he took it upon himself to write a song for Doug and Delilah's anniversary.  And he helped make a fake human that one time when they needed one.

Deepak is another pup who makes Dante look bad by contributing far more to the family than we'd have any right to expect from him due to his apparent age.  He's not much bigger than Triple-D!  There are only four pups in the house whose mere absence for a day can bring about disaster, and the other three are all much older than him.

But nobody ever demands any of this of him.  He just does it of his own volition.  The only time we see him forced to help out in a way that he shouldn't have to is in "The Woof Factor."  Other than that, he's his own boss, and I trust him to know his limits.

Dolly doesn't get enough appreciation from the fandom for the role she plays in keeping this household together.  She may not be doing as much as Dylan, but that's more because Dylan is a control freak who refuses to delegate anything than because she's slacking off.  We see him get called over for all sorts of things that one of the other older-ish pups could probably take care of instead, like reassure Dolly that Clarissa didn't murder her human, or pamper one of the triplets.

Dolly and Dylan together are the Top Dogs, and the primary parental figures for their younger siblings.  And while Dylan's contributions may be more tangible than Dolly's, I don't believe for a second that he could manage the job for more than a couple of days without her, not now that the family's grown this big.  She does so many things for the pups' emotional well-being that he simply can't.

Both of them are badly overworked.

But not as badly as poor, poor Dawkins.

At least Dylan and Dolly get enough free time that they know what they like to do with it.  Dawkins is so busy all the time that he's almost completely forgotten how to relax or have fun.  Even my youngest sister, who happened to be present when we were watching the episode "Dawkins Strikes Back," could tell that his attempts to do so were robotic.

Dawkins is implied to spend hours every day doing maintenance on all of the house's gadgets and/or working on developing new ones.  He's also the only person besides Dolly whom Dylan ever seems to delegate tasks to.

Whenever Dylan and Dolly both need to go someplace, they leave him in charge, which means they're dumping both of their jobs onto him in addition to the one he already has.  He is regularly expected to perform three extremely demanding jobs simultaneously for potentially hours at a time.

The poor guy.

In conclusion, the kids in this family are incredibly bad at distributing labor fairly and intelligently.  Also, Dante needs to get off his lazy butt and do something actually helpful.

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On the off-chance anybody reading this is also a follower of "If I Knew How to Make Memes," you might already know that Da Vinci is my favorite character on this show.  (Deja Vu is a close second.  Mom can't choose a favorite character.)

I love her adorable design, I love her pink bandana, I love the way her ears flop, I love Akiya Henry's soft and gentle voice acting, I love the body language she uses when she's in the zone, I love that she turned Dolly's cone in "Poetry Scam" into a fashion statement.

Unfortunately, she gets so little screentime that there's little else I can say about her that isn't either blindingly obvious or hard to articulate.

I hear that a bunch of fans have decided she's a lesbian icon.  I'm on board with that.  (Especially if the alternative is shipping her with one of her brothers.)  It's not like the show gives us any evidence one way or the other.

I think it's noteworthy that we see her get angry exactly twice.  The first time is in "Who the Dog Do You Think You Are?" where she shows her distaste for being banished from the house by blowing a raspberry at the perpetrators.  The second time is in "The De Vil Wears Puppies," where Hunter is thrown into a crate with her and most of the other pups after helping Cruella capture them all, and it briefly looks like she's going to lead her siblings in mauling his face off (she's notably the oldest pup to be visible at that moment).

I think she's shy.  And she might be a bit of a people-pleaser.

"Doggy Da Vinci," her one and only focus episode, is also my favorite episode in the show.  It does such a good job of conveying an emotionally complex situation in a way that's both easy for kids to understand and easy for adults to relate to that it could almost be a Steven Universe episode.  (Almost.)

It made me cry.  Ordinarily that wouldn't be especially noteworthy, because I cry pretty easily, but 101 Dalmatian Street is not a super emotional show, and this is actually the only episode to get me teary-eyed.

Mom and I watched this episode not long after a discussion about how some of the other older pups should be contributing to the household financially so not everything is riding on Triple-D.  We agreed that initially having Da Vinci use her art skills to make money for the family is very much a good thing.  The problem is that there came a point where Dylan and Dolly were taking advantage of her.  They pushed her too hard.  They started to micromanage her.

Dolly and Dylan are both consistently poor listeners, and neither of them are artists.  (Outside of Dylan's minor poetry habit.)  As a result, Dolly (who has a recurring issue of being dismissive of other people's interests) doesn't appreciate the passion and skill that goes into Da Vinci's art, while Dylan (who has a recurring issue of assuming that he knows best in every situation) doesn't respect her expertise and thinks that he can train her to be better.

The scene where the two of them are arguing over how best to take advantage of Da Vinci's art while Da Vinci sits sadly on the sidelines gives me "the parents are fighting and it's the child who suffers" energy.

I think there's some ambiguity regarding the scene where Da Vinci runs from the humans, and everything gets all artsy and echoey and stuff.  Mom interpreted that as being merely a metaphor for what she's experiencing, a way of conveying not so much what she sees and hears as how she feels about it.

The wiki, however, takes the stance that it's a genuine hallucination that Da Vinci is having, and suggests that she might have schizophrenia.

I feel that it's open to interpretation, though I do find the second interpretation more interesting.

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Something I find very notable is that Dawkins is the only pup to call either of the parents by their first name.  He calls Doug "Doug."

The obvious assumption to make is that Dawkins still isn't fully on-board with the whole "having a step-dad" thing.  It's not unheard of for step-children to do this.  Doug is an easy-going guy and a devoted* father, so while I'm sure it hurts his feelings something fierce it's not hard to imagine that when Dawkins said "I'm not calling you Dad" he reacted by offering a compromise and permitting Dawkins the use of his name.

As for why this is an issue?

Dawkins is a very, very serious person.  He works hard for his family, he never makes jokes, and he sometimes struggles to comprehend his own emotions and those of others.

Doug is... well, he's not-NOT serious, at least not when it comes to his job or safety in general.  He takes his emergency procedures very seriously.

But he babies the pups a lot more than Delilah does.  He's more doting and less of a disciplinarian than her.  He often uses an intentionally-silly baby-talk voice around his puppies which is audibly distinct from his seldom-heard normal voice, something Delilah never does.

In the Snow Day episode he pretends to be a reindeer while passing out hats to everyone.  Dawkins reacts to this by saying "We know it's you, Doug," in a long-suffering voice and hanging his head in embarrassment.

So I think that Dawkins, having grown more than halfway to adulthood under Delilah's and Dylan's approaches to parenting, sees Doug's approach as patronizing and foolish, and as a result doesn't respect him as a parental figure.

Now here's where it gets really interesting:  in the episode "Ride-Along," when Doug holds a raffle to see who gets to come with him on Take Your Kid to Work Day, Dawkins is genuinely and openly disappointed that his name isn't the one that's drawn.  He wanted to go to work with Doug.

So Dawkins' feelings towards Doug are more complex than just rejecting him as a parent.  He wants to have a relationship with his step-father, it's just that Doug is almost never around due to his job and there's so many pups vying for parental attention when he is home and most of them are younger and less-autistic than Dawkins, which incentivizes Doug to tailor his parenting for the majority which means Dawkins is unable to click with him and is kinda left to the side, which leaves him feeling neglected and resentful, especially since he does just as much to help out as Dolly and Dylan while getting less credit for it than them.

But that makes sense too, because Dawkins is more introverted and less of a show-off than Dolly or Dylan, and he gets his responsibilities from Dylan and Dolly rather than from the parents directly, and it's the squeaky wheel that gets the grease.

When I put it like that, it's no wonder that he wants an opportunity to bond with Doug in a more mature setting so they can actually connect.

Dawkins' life is depressing, guys.  :(

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It's heavily implied in the Animals vs Humans shorts, and supported through subtle hints throughout the show, that the dogs don't perceive music quite the same way humans do, and as such find humans rather un-musical.

But let's pretend for a moment that that's not the case, so I can get these bad headcanons out of my system.

Dylan would have "Safety Dance" as his ringtone.

Dolly gives me the energy of that specific kind of tomboy who tells you that she doesn't like girly stuff and only listens to rock and roll, and like, she certainly does like her Queen and Bon Jovi well enough, but every once in a while she'll be taking a long shower and she'll forget that you can hear her and just start BELTING a Taylor Swift or Katy Perry song at the top of her lungs.

(I'd pay real money to hear Michaela Dietz sing "Firework" in her distinctive scratchy voice.)

I could also see her being into folk-adjacent punk-rock, like Flogging Molly.

Da Vinci strikes me as a Beatles fan who hums "Yellow Submarine" and "I Am the Walrus" while she paints.

The triplets must listen to a pretty wide range of music by necessity due to their job, but I'm sure they each have their specific preferences.  I'm sure one of the three, probably either Dallas or Deja Vu, is a MAJOR David Bowie fangirl, and used to sing along to "Space Oddity" and "Dance Magic Dance" with Dylan every day.  It's such a cute mental image.

I could see Destiny being into genuine folk music.  Or enjoying "(I Would Walk) 500 Miles" so much that she listens to every song The Proclaimers ever wrote, and ends up getting into the Scottish independence movement and maybe even anti-monarchy politics, which would of course put her at odds with Dylan -- who is obviously a staunch monarchist with a rather Anglocentric worldview who thinks Scotland is obligated to stay in the UK and probably thought Brexit was a good idea.

Fergus would make sure she listens to some Irish bands too, like U2 and The Clancy Brothers.  And The Pogues, even though they aren't strictly Irish.

I could see Dawkins also getting into The Proclaimers specifically just to rebel against Dylan.  (And I'm seriously considering writing a short piece about the two of them arguing about Brexit.)

Delilah is obsessed with The Who.

And, of course, everyone in the family likes Elton John.  That's just a given.

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The way Dawkins is written at times really rubs me the wrong way.

I think the writers do that thing that writers for kids' show often do when writing characters who are supposed to be smart, where they're like "Just have them invent stuff and calculate probabilities and throw random science-y words around and we'll call it a day.  Kids are dumb, they won't care."  The result doesn't always come across as an actual character.

While I'm no Dawkins, I was technically considered a "gifted kid" when I was younger, and I can attest that gifted kids are not, in fact, robots.  Not even the autistic ones.

One of the most egregious examples is in the episode "London, We Have a Problem."  Hunter manages to manipulate Dylan into letting him enter the house with a giant vacuum thingy so he can abduct all of the pups, and one of the first people to spot him is Dawkins.  His immediate reaction is to say "The statistical probability of finding a human here is close to zero-point-zero..." before getting sucked up by the vacuum thingy.

He doesn't say "Oh, a human is in our house!  That's odd" or anything like that.  He just goes straight into calculating a statistical probability that nobody asked for instead of saying or doing anything to actually address the situation before him.  That is simply not a way that anyone would react to that situation.

It's even worse when the science-y stuff he says doesn't even make actual sense.  In this case, it's not mathematically possible for the probability of finding a human being in the house to be that low, given that we've seen humans in the house at least twice before (in the episodes "Dog's Best Friend" and "The Dog House").  (I also dislike the idea that Dawkins can calculate probabilities to at least three decimal points in his head.  That's not how real smart people work.  Or how probabilities work in general -- there's always a lot of factors in play that can't be accounted for.)

Another example would be in "Long Tongue Day," where Dawkins joins the rest of the pups in hiding from the Camden Kraken, saying "eyewitness accounts are entirely compatible with suppressed scientific evidence that velociraptor and theropod hybrids in fact survived and are now... right here in Camden!"  While I like the idea of Dawkins comedically buying into an absurd conspiracy in spite of his intelligence, in this instance it's not well handled.

First of all, velociraptors are a type of theropod, so the idea of a velociraptor-theropod hybrid doesn't make sense.  Secondly, neither velociraptors specifically nor theropods in general bear/bore any resemblance to how the Camden Kraken is described -- they have/had no tentacles, only one head, only two eyes, and only one layer of teeth (if that), and most theropods (including velociraptors) aren't/weren't aquatic.  If the monster was called something other than a kraken, it could maybe be a plesiosaur, but krakens are pretty universally agreed to be cephalopods (except by D&D players).

I'm not even an expert on dinosaurs or cryptids.  All of this is just basic entry-level stuff.

If you want a character to actually be smart, then some effort should be taken to ensure that what they're saying isn't total gibberish.

Chapter Text

Cruella:  How did you take down Captain America?

Hunter:  We shot him in ze legs, because his shield is the size of a dinner plate, and he's an idio-

Dorothy:  Daddy?

Dolly:  Do I LOOK-

Dolly:  AAAH!

Dylan:  Stop, I could've dropped my croissant!

Triple-D:  *Dancing along to some rap-type song (possibly called Do It For the Vine?)*

Dolly:  *Hits a button on the music player, changing the song to the Russian Dance Trepak from Tchaikovsky's Nutcracker Suite*  Uh-oh!  Looks like somebody changed the-

Triple-D:  *Dancing a completely different, now ballet-type dance, already perfectly in sync with the new song*

Dylan:  Me and Eric are about to go vandalize some stuff.

Dawkins:  Hi!

Dawkins:  You sure about this?

Dylan:  Yeah man, just go, hurry!

Dawkins:  *Writes "= 16" after the "4 x 4" on a car*

Both:  *Run away giggling*

Fergus:  *Reading a picture book with Dorothy*  Cow says "moo."  Butterfly don't say nothing.  Pig says "you have the right to remain silent."

Dolly (when seeing Hansel or Spike):  Heart eyes, motherfucker!

Dylan:  Why aren't the dishes in alphabetical order?!

Dawkins:  What does that even mean?

Da Vinci:  Look at this dress my mom bought me- PSYCH it's a jumpsuit you were fooled!  Ha ha ha!

Dallas:  Y'all ugly.  *Disappears in a puff of smoke*

Delilah (singing to Dolly):  Everybody gets tired!  But specifically today I'm just tired of you!

Portia (singing):  Don't tell your mother!

Dylan (singing):  Kiss one another!

Portia (singing demonically):  Die for each other!

Dylan:  *Falls backward in fear*

Deepak:  I am disgusted, I am revolted, I dedicate my entire life to Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, and this is the thanks I get?

Deja Vu:  How it feels to chew 5 Gum:

Diesel:  *Crashes headfirst into a door, breaking a large hole in it*

Deja Vu:  New 5 Gum.  Stimulate your senses.

Dylan:  Let me see what you have!

Dizzy:  A KNIFE!

Dylan:  NO!

Dolly:  *Walking while holding hands with Spike*

Dylan:  'Oh, look at us, we're happy and in love and not dead inside!'  Get fucked, both of you.

Dante:  Um, I just got a random burst of energy, and I think it's my body's last hoorah before it completely shuts down.

Delgado:  Mom, can we stop at McDonald's?

Dylan:  Jessica, I'm making dinner at home.

Delgado (tearing up):  I hate this fucking family.

Dolly:  I saw you hanging out with Caitlyn yesterday.

Dylan:  Rebecca, it's not what you think!

Dolly (raising nerf gun):  I won't hesitate, bitch.

Dolly:  What do we want?

Doug:  A wholesome ending to this vine.

Dolly:  When do we.... Dad?

Doug:  That's right, I'm home.

Some poor soul at the park:  *Looks over and sees an entire swarm of Dalmatians Naruto-running together*

Dawkins:  *Spinning a jar on the counter*

Dolly:  Yo Lance, you think I can get this egg into that jar without it cracking?

Dawkins:  No.

Dolly:  *Throws the egg directly at Dylan's head, causing both her and Dawkins to start laughing*  I guess you were right.

Dolly:  *Comes into the room roaring with a scary mask over her face*

Dylan and Dawkins:  *Unfazed*

Dolly:  *Takes the mask off, revealing her normal face*

Dylan and Dawkins:  *Suddenly start shouting and scrambling away in horror*

Dolly:  Are you serious?

Deja Vu:  I spilled lipstick in your Valentino bag.

Destiny:  You spi- (splutters) Lipstick in my Valentino white-

Dylan:  All I'm saying is that a true democracy will always turn into an oligarchy-

Dawkins:  Okay look look, because you're a virgin like I understand why you would have that perspective but I just think-

DJ:  I don't wanna be cool anymore!  *Throws sunglasses, only for them to zoom right back onto his face*  Well I guess I don't have a choice.

Deepak:  Sure, you may be verified on Twitter.  But are you verified in the eyes of God?

Destiny (on the phone):  Wait, you're not coming to my tea party?  Bethany, I made BISCUITS-!

Dylan:  *Looks at a poster that says "Who's caring for you?"*

Dylan:  *Looks at Portia*

Portia:  *Shakes her head silently*

Dylan:  *Looks down sadly*

Dimitrio:  *Having a pillow fight*

Delgado:  Hey, Kevin, watch the light, dude.

Dimitrio:  *Stop, look at the light, and then deliberately knock it over with a pillow*

Deja Vu:  I'm JOHN CENA!  *Plays the John Cena theme on two recorders through her nostrils*

Dolly (on the phone):  Miss Jonason, my daughter would not do something such a thing therefore after.  (Whispering to Dee Dee)  Kelly did you fucking do that therefore after?

Dawkins (drawing on a whiteboard):  So this is my house, right?

Dolly:  Yeah?

Dawkins:  And this is the gas station.  These are about a mile apart.  You following me?

Dolly:  Yeah I got you.

Dawkins:  Okay.  So, the average male walks about 5 miles per hour, so why is it that it's taking my dad 15 years to get back from the gas station?

Deepak:  Doyeee  *Puts a flower on Constantin's head*

Constantin (internally):  The prophecy is true

Chapter Text

Dante:  This coffee is bitter -- like my soul.  I need something black -- like my soul.  Fuck, it's cold!  Like my soul.

Dylan (singing):  When you wish upon a star...

Dante:  Nothing happens.

Dolly:  Hey could you hold my baby for a second?

Dylan:  Oh, yeah.  *Takes Dorothy*

Dolly:  I gotta get my phone out of my pocket.

Dylan:  *Looks down, then looks up*  So how many messages- *Sees Dolly running away*  Aw, damn it!  Again?!  Not-

Dante:  *Digging through a laundry pile*  No, that's not it.  *Sees Dorothy lying on the floor*  Oh, fuck, there it is.  *Goes to pick her up*

Dylan:  Time for bed.

Dee Dee:  Mr. Snuffles says I can stay up as long as I want, and you need to die!

Dylan:  What the heck, Mr. Snuffles?

Arabella:  Would you rather kill Jen, or-

Clarissa:  Yes.  Kill her.

Arabella:  I didn't say the other-

Clarissa:  I don't need to hear it.

Dolly:  Feeling a little unsafe.

DJ:  Aw, are you feeling down?

Da Vinci:  Yeah.

DJ:  This song always cheers me up.  *Plays some sort of cheerful electronic jingle*

Dylan:  How Bri'ish people shower:

Dylan:  The same as you, you idiot!  We get nice and wet, then we get in the tea bags-

Dolly (to Clarissa):  Let's tell each other a secret, about ourselves.  I'm gonna go first.  I, hate you.

Dante:  If you're here, speak to us.

Doug (singing):  JUST A CITY BOY!  BORN AND RAISED IN-

Dolly and Dylan:  *Fighting*

Diesel:  Can I get a waffle?  Can I PLEASE get a waffle?

Dodie McDot (on the phone):  Well it was great hearing your voice.  Missed you all day.  See you tonight, love you.  Bye.  (Hangs up)  It was my dog.

Dizzy:  *Pours water on Dolly's face while she's sleeping*

Dolly:  *Wakes up*  Hello?

Destiny:  *Dances back and forth while "Around the World" plays*

Dallas:  *Pops out from behind Destiny and dances in sync with her*

Deja Vu:  *Pops out from behind Destiny on the other side and dances in sync with her*

Dylan:  I was thinking I'd do some magic.

Dante:  You?  Magic?  Charles, it says talent show.

Dawkins:  Johnny has 19 bottles of dish soap, and he gives Jeanie-

Dimitri 1:  Wait, why does Johnny have so many soaps?

Dimitri 2:  Mind your business, David!

DJ:  Caterpillar rave!  *Scats*

Puppies:  *Dive-bomb Constantin's head*

Constantin:  Stop.

Puppies:  *Continue dive-bombing Constantin's head*

Constantin:  Stop it.

Snowball:  So I am confusion.  Why is this one Kan-siss, but this one is not Ar-kan-siss.  AMERICA EXPLAIN!  EXPLAIN!  WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT'S AR-KAN-SAW?!

Dawkins:  That is not correct.  Because according to the Encyclopedia of-

Da Vinci:  (Preparing to take a photo)  Everybody say Colorado!

Delgado:  *Zooms by*  I'M A GIRAFFE!

Dorothy:  *Trying to read the word "who"*  Whaaaw?

Dylan:  What does that say, Ania?

Dorothy:  Whaaaw?

Hunter:  Hey kid, you wanna buy some blades?  *Shows a bunch of knives inside his jacket*

Delgado:  No.  Blades are for skatin'.  (Whispers)  Ya dingus.

Dawkins:  *Crashes through the ceiling*

Dante:  Hey, Ron.

Dawkins:  Hey, Billy.  (Pause)  That hurt.

Dizzy:  I'm so bored.

Dee Dee:  I wish Ryan was here.

Dolly:  Hey guys.

Dizzy and Dee Dee (joyfully):  Ryan!

Dolly:  *Skateboarding*

Pups:  Oh my God, he on X-Games mode.

Deepak:  Release all of the sounds that are trapped in your mind.

Dante:  *Unholy screeching*

Deepak:  Sir, are you okay?

Dante:  I'm a little messed up.

Delgado:  I'm the sand guardian, guardian of the sand!

Dolly:  Poseidon quivers before him!

Delgado (to the ocean):  Fuck off!

Hunter:  If I had a penny for every time I wasn't cool, I'd have no pennies.

Dolly:  It must be spooky season, 'cuz I'm 'bout to make you my boo!  Ha ha.  Just kidding, I'm getting ghosted!  Ha ha.

Chapter Text

So here's what we've gathered about Hansel.

Most obviously, he's the focal point of a very unfortunate love triangle between the two eldest Dalmatian kids.

Dolly makes it pretty clear pretty quickly that she is enamored of Hansel.  It's actually really adorable, she's not really trying to keep it a secret or anything the way you might expect a character like her to do on this sort of show.  In this specific regard she feels less like Helga Pataki and more like Candace Flynn, if that makes sense.

I looked to Mom for help gauging Hansel's level of interest in Dolly, since unlike me she has actual experience with romance.  Initially we both felt that Hansel was giving off rather mixed signals, but as the show went on it became clear to us that he does not reciprocate her affection.  He only sees her as a friend.  His seemingly-flirty behavior towards her in early episodes was merely a function of his general personality -- he's very touchy-feely with his friends, loves waxing poetic, and can be quite oblivious to the feelings of those around him.

The conclusion we arrived at is that Hansel is gay*, and has a crush on Dylan.  What's hilariously sad about this is that we're pretty sure Dylan is neither aware of the extent of Hansel's feelings for him, nor does he feel the same way.  Yes, Dylan does always seem happy to spend time with Hansel -- but that's quite obviously a case of him merely being desperate for friends who share his interests.  He can't talk about poetry or Poodlewolf with the Canal Crew, but with Hansel he can.  Dude spends all of his time surrounded by screaming puppies, his co-parent is a dumb jock, his formerly-faithful sidekick has turned into a resentful teenager, and his best friend (Fergus, according to the background lore) is a criminal who makes a big show of rejecting civilization and all of its trappings.  He's lonely.  He just wants friends.  I'm at least 80% sure he's straight.

(*It's noteworthy that we managed to come to that conclusion, given that we've both had our gaydars systematically bred out of us by society in general and our own cultural background in particular, and the fact that neither of us are attracted to our own gender makes it extra-hard to overcome that.  Hansel is REALLY gay.)

In essence, Dylan is to Hansel as Hansel is to Dolly.  Like I said, hilariously sad.  Somebody should write a fanfic exploring how Dolly feels about that situation.

Another thing that stood out to me more and more about Hansel as I re-watched the show is that he is so clearly a theater kid.  And he has hipster tendencies.

The episode "The Longest Night" is probably the episode that shows us the most insight into Hansel.  Like so many young men, he's a victim of the toxic ideas of masculinity that have been passed down to him by his forebears.  He's trying to be stoic and fearless and a rugged outdoorsman and make a boys-only no-girls-allowed club because that's what he feels like he's supposed to do, but ultimately he just wants to be affectionate and melodramatic and accepting of everyone and to recite poetry and play Poodlewolf and get pampered at the dog spa and not go into the woods at night.

(Much of that also applies to Dylan and Dawkins, and perhaps to some extent even Fergus.)

I'm not sure about this, but I think Hansel might be hard of hearing.  It would explain why he and nobody else keeps messing up messages on the World Wide Woof, and it would help explain his obliviousness to Dolly's overt infatuation with him.

Mom missed this, and I felt that it would be unwise to point it out to her, but there's a moment in "Girls' Day Out" where Dolly bumps into Hansel at the spa and her face gets alarmingly close to his genitals.  That's pretty wild for a show like this.

One final note on Hansel:  He's a really good friend.  Very chill, very supportive.  Shares interests with both Dolly and Dylan.  Would probably make a fantastic mediator between Dolly and Dylan's fights if he hung around the family more.  Plus, watching him in the background of "Winter Funderland" reveals that he has a good rapport with at least some of the puppies.

He'd make a pretty great long-term love interest -- husband material, even -- if he was compatible orientation-wise with either Dolly or Dylan.  Sadly, he is not.

Chapter Text

Dylan:  Either buckle down and do your work or you'll end up at McDonald's.

Diesel:  We going to McDonald's if I don't do my work?

Dylan:  No!

Dolly:  Don't worry about my dog, man, he doesn't bite.

Constantin:  Is you gonna bite me?

Dimitrio:  Oh I'm definitely gonna bite you bad.

Constantin:  He lying?

Dimitrio:  He lying, I'm gonna bite you.

Deja Vu:  Sometimes I like to pretend I'm tall, but I'm just standing on a chair.

Dolly:  Hey!  Hey!

Dylan:  Shh!  (whispering)  The baby's sleeping.

Dolly (whispering):  Sorry.

Dylan (still whispering):  What's up?

Dolly (still whispering):  There's a fire.

Fergus:  I may be just a citizen by day.  But by night I'm... Night Citizen.

Clarissa:  Karen, can I get a sip of that?

Delilah:  Um, no?

Clarissa:  Why?

Delilah:  Because I'm breast-feeding.

Fans of the show (describing Da Vinci):  Talented, brilliant, incredible, amazing, show-stopping, spectacular, never-the-same, totally-unique, completely-not-ever-been-done-before, unafraid to reference or not reference, put it in a blender, shit on it, vomit on it, eat it, give birth to it...

Dylan:  What would be the first thing you provide to a third-world country?

Dallas:  Pictures of me on Instagram.

Dylan:  What about water?

Dallas:  ...Pictures of me in a pool.

Dolly:  What kind of spider is that?

Dawkins:  It looks like a daddy long-leg?

Dolly:  Alright it's a good-looking spider but I wouldn't say it's daddy.

Dawkins:  ...Wait, what?

Pearl:  Do you know why I pulled you over?

Some Random Person:  No.

Pearl:  For stealing my heart.  That's a $20 fine, pay by mail or court date-

Fergus (singing while DJ plays the keyboard):  Go suck a dick suck a dick, suck a motherfucking dick!

DJ (singing while playing the keyboard):  Suck a dick, suck a huge or small-

Dylan:  Listen little buddy, you got to expect the unexpected.

Dimitrio:  *slaps him*  You expect that, bitch?

Dallas:  I just bedazzled my case to reflect my personality.  Over-the-top, obnoxious, and way too extra!

Destiny:  Dude, same shirt!

Dallas:  Well, one of us is gonna have to change.

Destiny:  All of us are gonna have to change, if we want to make this world a better place.

Dylan:  Are you into guys with big hearts?

Portia:  I'm more into bad boys.

Dylan:  *turns baseball cap sideways*  Well today's your lucky day!

Chapter Text

I've previously established why I feel that Dolly x Dylan and Dolly x Hansel -- probably the two most frequently-shipped pairings involving Dolly, at least on this site -- don't work.  Dolly x Dylan doesn't work because it's a fundamentally bad ship on multiple levels, while Dolly x Hansel doesn't work because Hansel is gay and only sees Dolly as a friend.

I categorically refuse to ship Dolly with any other member of her family aside from Dylan.  It just feels too wrong.

(Although I do think something interesting could be done with the idea of Da Vinci having an unrequited crush on her.  There's potential for a solid fanfic there.)

I'm also not super keen on the notion of shipping a dog with any creature that isn't at least part of the order Carnivora.

Roxy, Snowball, Fergus, Summer, and Prince Corgi are all technically on the table as potential love interests for Dolly, but you'd have to build those ships almost completely from scratch.  She barely interacts at all with Summer, and there are no hints of romance in her interactions with Roxy, Snowball, or Fergus -- at least, not that we can detect.

Despite the obvious Cinderella-coding of the episode "Yappily Ever After," Mom asserts that there's no actual romance taking place -- Dolly and the Prince are merely friends.  A romance could grow from that friendship, certainly, but again, you'd have to build it yourself, it's not canonically there.

There is only one character on the show that Dolly shows explicit romantic interest in who reciprocates those feelings, and that's Spike.

Aside from Spike being the most logical default character for basics like myself to ship with Dolly, I also really like the interactions they have.  They're cute.  Dolly is just as infatuated with Spike as she is with Hansel, but he's different from Hansel -- not just because he likes her back, but also because she's comfortable with him in a way that she isn't with Hansel.  She spends an entire night cuddling with him out in the open where everyone can see them, and she is neither awkward nor nervous nor embarrassed about it.  That kind of comfort is what I love to see in a ship.

(There's also the option of shipping Dolly with an OC, but only the truly desperate take that route.)

Chapter Text

Portia:  *smoking*

Dylan:  Wow.

Hunter:  I don't follow rules.  I follow dogs.  On social media.

Dolly and Dylan:  *Shake a cereal box labeled "Life," only for lemons to come out*  Well, when life gives you lemons!

Dolly:  He doesn't deserve you.  If he doesn't treat you right by now, you're gone.

Dylan:  I'm gone.

Dolly:  Now go chop his dick o-

Dorothy (singing while snow falls around her):  The fuck!  The fuck is in the air?  The fuck!  There's white shit everywhere!

Dylan:  Hey bro, can I get a sip of that water?

Summer:  It's not water.

Dylan:  Vodka!  I like your style-

Summer:  It's vinegar.

Dylan:  What?

Summer:  It's vinegar, pussy-

Hansel:  Life's short.  Stunt it!  *Jumps onto a ladder, then off again*  Danger!

Dawkins:  *Trying to skateboard, but it slips out from beneath him and he falls down*

Dylan:  *Riding a bicycle until Dawkins' skateboard gets under the wheel, sending him toppling off the bike into a nearby river*

Dimitri 2:  This is how I enter my house.  WHAT'S UP, FUCKERS!?

Destiny:  Why do you have my phone?!

Dimitri 2:  FUCK YOU, THAT'S WHY!

Clarissa:  Rachel is so annoying.

Dolly:  *Comes right up to the second-story window next to Clarissa*  I heard you were talking shit about me?

Clarissa:  WHAT THE FUCK?!

Clarissa:  Hey Christian!  You're stupid!  *Laughs with Prunella*

Dylan:  *Does a bunch of complex math on a whiteboard*

Prunella:  What are you doing?

Dylan:  Oh I'm just trying to figure out who the Hell you guys think you're talking to.

Dolly:  *Knocks on door*  Oh good, you're not busy.

Dallas:  Actually Cassidy, I am busy.

News:  Folks were told to stay off roadways unless absolutely, positively necessary.

Dolly:  I wanted doughnuts.

Dallas (wearing sunglasses):  Bro, why don't you ask me if I give a fuck?

Deja Vu:  Do you give a fuck?

Dallas:  *Takes off sunglasses while heartwarming piano music plays in the background*  Of course.  We're brothers.

Dolly and Hansel:  *Both do a jumping front-flip over three cars lined up side-by-side in perfect synchronicity with each other*

Dylan:  *Falls down*

DJ:  *Rimshot*

Any member of the family:  *Doing a weird dance on stage*

The entire rest of the family:  *Clapping*  Yeah!  That's my brother!

Dylan:  *Jumps and bangs his head on the top of a doorway*

Dolly:  Hey buddy, your grades are slipping.  What's up with that?

DJ:  What's up with you just getting out of prison?

Dolly:  *Playing the trombone*

Dizzy and Dee Dee:  *Slamming the oven door rhythmically*

Deja Vu:  I want you to turn into a prince.  *Kisses a frog*  Oh wait, you already are.