Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“Zuko?”, a small voice can be heard from his right.

“It’ll be alright dear,” a sob he hates hearing on quiet nights “we’re going to go for a trip just you and me”, he loves going on trips with mom.

Blazing orange.

Really he should’ve seen it coming

Now he’s stuck here burning. He can’t quite open his eyes but he can feel the heat, engulfing him, head to toe. He can hear laughter, whispers, and sobs.

He’s pretty sure he’s dying.

This is it. His life is flashing before his eyes. He can hear his name being called, Azula’s too. He can hear Lu Ten speaking with… mom? They sound so casual, nothing like how they usually talk. In fact, they sound a little frustrated.

Wow. he never thought he’d hear his voice again. But mom is also here too? Did something happen to her? He starts hearing things he knows he’s already heard. Promises from his mother, uncle’s proverbs, Azula’s giggles, but also something new about a search for an avatar. He hears mentions of Ember island, Caldera and… 

Kyoshi Island?

He’s never been there but he remembers learning about them. They never involved themselves in the war. He had trouble focusing with his tutors so he doesn’t really remember the reason.

Or his brain is melting out of his head.

Probably the former.

They must be smart to not fight against the Fire Nation. Honorable even.

Why is he remembering that out of all his memories? He understands hearing family and good times, searches for the avatar even, but why a lesson he can barely recall? Maybe Agni is allowing him to see all his memories because they’re being taken away. Maybe he’s already forgotten everything and what he does remember are just small moments.

His life must’ve been eventful to be remembering these memories as small moments.

It’s all dark, but then a bright light flashes, and he’s in between two large mountains, each containing a cave. The caves look like they were carved from ebony, the tops of the mountains sharpened to a thin point, reaching into the clouds of the sky. Where is he?

He hears breathing, low and loud. He looks to the cave behind him and finds eyes the size of Agni themself, blazing with determination. He turns to see a matching pair in the cave adjacent. The two large creatures step out from their caves.

Dragons.

He is definitely dead.

Father always told him he'd end up somewhere cold when he would die.

A fitting fate for an honorless firebender, where they cannot ever feel the warmth of the fire they had disgraced.

But he feels warmth everywhere. It’s overwhelming actually.

They perch themselves on either side of him, judging with narrowed eyes and furrowed brows. Then, they open their mouths, large ivory fangs parting from each other, blasting fire straight at Zuko.

Zuko shuts his eyes tight. He doesn’t feel the burn of an angry fire like he did moments ago in the living world.

He feels warm, welcome.

More welcome than he’s ever felt before.

He opens his eyes to a brilliant orange, colors he’s never seen in fire dancing in concord with the wall of flames that surround him, swirling. Violet, emerald, scarlet, they all swirl within the fire unafraid and alive.

He knows he’s never felt peace like this.

He closes his eyes, lets the fire wrap around, and engulf him.

His… everything feels weak. He feels like he’s half still in the spirit world dream-like place he was in, with brightness invading his left eye. Actually, the entire left side of his face feels like it’s been scraped across the walls of Caldera.

He can barely lift his head off… sand? Zuko doesn’t remember going to Ember island.

He looks to his right where a bag lays, along with a piece of parchment.

Zuko tries to recall what just happened. Think, think, think… Urgh it hurts to think.

He remembers… getting ready for battle. That’s not right. He’s not old enough for battle.

No… it wasn’t a regular battle it was…a…an…

Agni kai!

A battle for his life!

Against who?

Father.

Oh yeah.

Father who burned half his face off.

Father who did it because he was told to.

Suddenly Zuko does not feel like getting up. He feels like staying on the coarse sand forever, to wallow in his dishonor.

He remembers father saying something about that. When has Zuko ever been honorable? He can’t recall a time father has ever called him such.

He’s alone in the dark, away from home, and no clue as to where he is.

All he knows is he’s ashamed, more than ever.

All he can do now is wait. Maybe Agni will think again and let the burn finish him off. But that would be pushing his luck. Ha, what luck exactly?

He’s about to fall asleep – from exhaustion, or maybe he’s awaiting doom, he doesn’t know – when he hears sand crunching under the weight of something.

It’s definitely not him.

“Who are you?!”

Chapter Text

Today was rough.

Suki is really starting to go crazy here.

She really doesn’t know what that was!

Training with her sisters on warm spring days in the grove is always fun. She loves inspiring hope in her girls through words of wisdom she passes down. They know how much being a Kyoshi Warrior means to her, they know she takes pride in who they are.

But of course she let her tongue slip, speaking of the Fire Nation and ending the war. They all looked at her awkwardly when she failed to realize what she had just said.

Maybe it’s the 10 years she’s spent on this island, maybe it’s the fact that she eventually has to be the one to lead and train her band of warriors, or maybe it’s the fact that a year ago, today was the same day she left…

She really misses her.

“When I grow up, I’m going to be just like them.” Suki marches imitating the Kyoshi Warriors they’ve been spying on the whole morning.

“We know! You only tell us everyday.” Mingxia teases with her mouth pulled up on one side in a smirk.

“Haha, don’t make fun! You want to be a Kyoshi Warrior too!” They’ll grow up to fight side by side as warriors, but first they need to enjoy these steamed buns. Even if they get into trouble for sneaking into the kitchen…

“Anything for my sisters” Mingxia holds her stomach relaxing against the tree’s roots.

Suki has always stuck with her island’s ways. She never wanted to question her elders and was proud to live by Kyoshi island’s rules.

She’s been slipping up lately, mentioning the war they’ve so carefully avoided by living in isolation. She really doesn’t mean to. She just can’t help herself when she dreams of a world of peace. A world where wars aren’t backing people into hiding, where all nations can live in harmony and- oh, she’s doing it again.

She’s starting to sound like Mingxia with her dreams of a better world.

Had she stayed a little longer, maybe they could have built a new world in the name of Kyoshi.

But how long would they wait?

How long would they have to wait for the elders to realize hiding is doing nothing but letting them be forgotten in the background as a war wages on and they just watch? 

She knows the elders expect a lot out of her since she’s going to eventually lead the village’s group of Kyoshi Warriors – after all she’s been training most her life. But she can’t help but think it’s not a decision made from respect, or approval, not anything like that.

It feels as if she hasn’t really earned it herself, it feels more like a choice between something, or nothing at all.

She’s something at least.

UGH!

Sometimes she  just wishes something new would happen. She’s been training and training, but for what? She really doesn’t understand where this new desire for change in her life has come from, but it’s been slowly creeping into her life without permission.

She really needs someone to talk to. Someone who isn’t the village elders, who have nothing new to tell her. Not many people are her age in the neighboring villages occupying the island. The Kyoshi Warriors and their leaders in the other villages seem to be older by a fair amount. She needs to talk to someone who doesn’t expect so much of her. She wants to talk to the sister that knows her the best.

But of course, she’s not here.

She really wishes she was.

Suki finds herself wondering what she’s up to. Is she really helping the world like she said she would? Would she approve of the way she’s leading her warriors?

Suki travels across the light soil that’s been flattened over the years by her fellow villagers. She heads towards the shores, the atmosphere dimming to a dull blue. She hears the faint push and pull of the ocean growing louder every step she takes as she descends further down the rows of gasshō-zukuri .

She really misses her.

She remembers the day she left. She could see the sun coming down on both of them. They slowly walked down the carved stone steps, to a lone dock south of the island that was rarely used. She’ll forever remember the warmth of her hug as she declared she wouldn’t turn her back on the world.

The reality was hard to stomach.

Her closest sister was leaving her. Her best friend. She was going to live the rest of her life on an island while she went out to go save the world.

She was leaving her.

Why?

She tries to block her out of her mind, not knowing what to think of her anymore.

She declines down the rough-cut stone stairs to a withering oak dock. A small dock meant for quick departures, hidden away from the village’s view, so if someone were to depart from this point, no one would notice.

She moves through the overgrown brush, finding her way to the foggy shore.

The cold breeze flows through her hair as she reaches the sandy terrain. It is refreshing and it always clears her mind no matter the memory attached to this spot. Nobody ever visits here. 

She likes to come alone to take a break from thinking, even if she feels a twinge of guilt for wanting to get away from her village and family.

She walks closer to the dock listening to the tide coming in with every gentle wave. She continues then stops when she sees a lump of shadow in the corner of her left eye. It’s not very hard to see during this hour, even when the clouds block the retreating sun, but it’s hard to distinguish what it is since it seems to be void of color from this distance.

She descends down the shore but stops to a halt when she sees the lump move . It could be an animal covered in… something? She’s about to call for the animal’s attention when she sees a sliver of pale skin.

It’s tinged blue in the darkening hour but it’s most definitely a person. She’s never seen someone paler. Then again she’s never seen anyone outside of her island.

“Who are you?!” She tries her best warrior voice.

“Ack!” the young boy abruptly turns and flings fire at her.

She hasn’t brought any weapons with her because this is supposed to be a relaxing spot for her to cool down. She thinks back to her training from the Kyoshi Warriors; turn an opponent's energy against them and exploit openings. Even without weapons you can fight an opponent just fine.

Who is this boy? Is he here to ruin the peace of her village? How dare he come uninvited!

He wears a high ponytail wrapped in a red ribbon, a little frazzled and filled with sand. Actually there’s sand everywhere on him. He stands around her height and is barefoot – ew – wearing a black robe and dark trousers that go past his ankles. His skin is stark against his jet black hair. She can’t tell if it is because of the late hour, or if his hair is just really that dark.

She’s surprised when she sees half his face is covered in an ugly red.

Did he do that to himself?

She’s heard tales of firebenders who are unburnable even in their own heat, but there is most definitely a burn on this boy’s face.

This firebender.

Who just flung fire at her.

She notices it’s fresh and on the way to infection with the way sand sticks to the bubbling blisters at the edge of his face, where he was probably resting his head. She also notices a bag that’s fairly closer to her than him.

She grabs it, putting on her best threatening look. This could be her chance to show her warrior skills to the village.

“Stop! Tell me who you are, firebender, and what you’re doing on my island!” he startles at her last sentence and goes a little wide-eyed. “ Don’t try to make any moves! Or I’ll-” A note seems to be attached to the pack. “Huh?” She grabs it and quickly scans over it.

“Dear Zuko” she starts aloud,” It is important you heal in banishment-”

“Stop it! Give it back!” He throws more uncoordinated flames at her.

“Oh so this is important to you, you-” what did she hear Akari say?”-you ashmaker!” The fire he throws at her starts to grow hotter and she tries to read it faster. Her eyes struggle to read the odd characters, but her eyes catch on a few words like hurt, father, true, safe , but she pays most attention to the last bit which says  Never forget who you are  —Mother.

“Looks like it’s from your mom-”

“I said give it to me!”

He throws another flame, scorching and hot. This time at her face !

She goes to block it with her hands (why she thought her hands would stop the fire, don’t ask) but it catches onto something else.

The note is still in her hands.

Or - it was.

A horrified look etches onto his face as he realizes what he had just done.

Suki can admit that she’s a little worried too since she has nothing to hold over him.

“No…” Suki can’t help but feel a little bad because he doesn’t seem to be really – there. He starts to look a little distant and she’s worried she did something wrong. “Just leave me alone.” He barks, yet still looking completely defeated.

She can't help but be reminded of a familiar face making an eerily similar expression.

Now Suki really thinks something up.

A pang of guilt shoots through Suki, as she looks at his face, which now looks really close to crying.

Her mind sends a voice through her head– she can’t quite tell who – it’s not hers but it sounds so familiar.

“Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Be kind.”

Not that she’d know anything about other battles.

This is not even a battle. He stops trying to fight her, laying back down on the sand, closing his eyes.

“No.” she starts, trying to go for a softer tone.

“Leave me alone.”

“No, you’re hurt. I would never turn my back on someone.” But you have, a voice in the back of her head says. She Ignores it. “I can bring you to the village healers. They’re very good at what they do.” 

Suki remembers the time Jie dropped her fan and sliced a good portion of her hand while trying to catch it. They were so terrified they cried, pleading to the healers to help her.

“I said leave me alone. I don’t need your help.” His face scrunches and she can’t tell what he’s really going for.

“Hey! I’m trying to be nice, dummy!” he looks up and his brow unfurrows for a second, a second that she’d miss if she wasn’t glaring at his wolfish eyes, “Just let me help you!” she huffs a breath of frustration,”I told you I’m not going to turn my back on anyone. It’s my honor, as a Kyoshi Warrior, to be able to help someone in need. Even if they throw fire at me.”

He seems to be searching her face for dishonesty, but he won’t find any. Ha!

“Fine.” He grumbles.”but I can help myself just fine, just so you know!” His voice squeaks in the middle of his sentence, and his ears go a little pink, but she only thinks of her victory as a warrior. She told him she was one even though she’s still training… It’s okay though, she’ll be one soon enough.

“Good! Let’s go.”

***

Zuko feels sluggish and light headed.

The warrior leads him through many, many bushes. He can tell many people have walked this path because the ground looks worn under his feet, and she seems to know where she’s going. Agni seems to hide away, and he feels even colder under the canopy of shadowed dense trees.

He can’t stop thinking about what she read.

Banishment? What is he going to do? 

Nothing he guesses. There’s nothing to do.

He recalls her saying it’s from his mother before he reduced the rest of the letter to ashes. What did she want to say? Did she want him back? Did father want him back?

The warrior backed off from trying to hold his hand and help him for the millionth time, after he told her to not to for the millionth time. But she keeps looking back with that look in her eyes. What did father call it?

Pity. She keeps looking back at him with pity.

He can handle himself just fine!

“I’m sorry for burning that note,” Zuko startles at the unexpected apology, “It seemed important to you.”

“I burnt the note,” he says as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world, because it is.

“Yeah but I shouldn’t have used it against you. You weren’t trying to hurt me.” That’s true, he didn’t want to hurt her but she threatened him and he had to act.

“But I did attack you.” What is up with her? Why is she helping him after he threw streams of fire at her face. Hasn’t anyone told her fire burns and hurts?

“Yeah, but I did scare you. I shouldn’t take advantage of people who aren’t threats.” He did not get scared! And he doesn’t want to be seen as a threat, but- he can be a threat!

It bothers him a little bit that she’s standing a little taller than him. She looks around his age, wearing her auburn hair half up. There’s still baby fat on her cheeks but it seems she tries to hide it when she goes on about her warrior business.

She’s wearing a powder blue outfit, even though she said she was a Kyoshi Warrior. Weren’t they Earth Kingdom? Why is she wearing the colors of the water tribe? Although the outfit leans more toward gray, it’s still odd she’s not wearing green.

Now that he looks at her, she has dull blue eyes too. Maybe he would know why if he paid more attention during lessons.

He’s about to defend himself when she interjects, “ It is my duty to protect the innocent and my village. It is not right that I fought with someone who is clearly injured,” clearly? He wonders what his burn looks like. ”I want to help you heal, and- and… know you- know you better. As part of my duties as a warrior of my village.” She stammers towards the end but still says it with fervor.

His mind without permission supplies him with memories of his mom and the way she always protected him. He’s reminded of Azula who was always confident in what she said even if she was talking nonsense. This girl kind of reminds him of them, but not quite like them. He really misses them.

He really wants to go home right now.

But if what she said is true-

He can’t, ever, go home. Now he feels tears prickling at his eyes again, just out of frustration. And he’s even more frustrated that he’s about to cry.

The silence stretches, with only the audible pitter patter of their feet to break it. He tries his best to swallow the wedge in his throat and he closes his eyes.

“Why did you help me?,” he decides to distract himself, “Aren’t we enemies?” He was always taught that the world really hates the Fire Nation. He wants to know the reason why, but he’s always been afraid to ask.

“I’m not exactly sure about you yet, but I need you to be healthy to make sure you’re in the best condition.” Why? “Because you might be hiding Fire Nation spy secrets!” She answer his unsaid question, narrowing her eyes.

“And um, can you not use that fire around my village, no one has seen an outsider for… a very long time actually.”

Hide his fire? How will he do that? His fire flickers in tune with his heart; it burns at the center of his being. How can you hide such a big part of yourself?

“Can you-” should he ask if she can earthbend? But she wears the colors of a different nation,”-um, bend?”

“No, the Kyoshi Warriors is an elite force consisting of non-benders , who are skilled in war fans. Kyoshi,” she says, squaring her shoulders, “taught the first warriors herself because we were born without bending to defend ourselves.”

A non-bender, she wouldn’t understand. She can live without it because she wasn’t born with another heart, Zuko was.

“Hey, warrior, tell me,” his voice is quiet in the air of the creeping night, “what did the letter say?…”

“It’s Suki, and… oh! Yeah the letter, um… I didn’t get to read the whole thing but I saw a few words like… ‘hurt, father, true, safe’. But I definitely read – ‘Never forget who you are’ – and it was signed off by your mother at the end. The characters were a little hard to read, but not unrecognizable,” she finishes quietly.

What could that possibly mean? Yes father hurt him… ‘ true’, the things he said are true? He wishes he remembered everything he said before he was sent away. ‘ Safe’, is he safe? Are they safe? Zuko has so many questions right now with no one there to answer.

It feels like it’s always been that way. He’s always out of the loop, never understanding the hidden meaning behind everyone’s words.

‘Never forget who you are’  What is that supposed to mean? How can Zuko forget he’s Zuko? His face throbs as the cold nips at his ears and nose.

“You don’t look very good. It’s okay the village is closer-” Her voice is really starting to get annoying, it’s starting to sound a lot like a voice he’s heard- a little liar’s voice. How can he tell she’s even telling the truth?

A million questions must’ve shot through his head. It starts to feel overwhelming, his legs start to shake and his knees buckle under the pressure.

“Zuko?”, a small voice wobbles.” Zuko!”

Everything feels fuzzy and he feels cold.

***

Zuko fell asleep.

On the ground without warning.

Suki rushed to her village which was not far while screaming for medical help. Apparently someone heard her screams and made her journey quicker by meeting her halfway through her sprint down the worn down pathway.

She’s the only one who really knows about the path, and the only one who really uses it. Well she was the only one. Now some kid named Zuko and a random healer know about it. At Least that’s what she thinks she read as the person the letter was addressed to.

Zuko. It's an odd name, but then again, he is from the Fire Nation.

Suki was always warned about the dangers of the Fire Nation. She’s never actually seen any other firebenders, or what they could do. She’s always being warned not to let her curiosity get the best of her because- curiosity kills the tigercat - or something like that. 

They don’t have to worry because she’s going to, um- get all his Fire Nation spy secrets out of him! Curse this boy and his nation for starting this stupid war. They’ve caused her a lot of misery.

But she’s also never seen an outsider before, ever .

Especially from a different nation. The Fire Nation at that!

Isn’t this what she’s been asking for? Something new? Someone new?

He didn’t seem that bad. But he could be. She’ll stay on her toes. She won’t let some little kid underestimate the power of the Kyoshi Warriors,

But she’s not going to tell anyone about the fire bending.

He can be her only chance to learn about the world outside of her bubble. She can’t risk him being thrown to the unagi because her village is afraid of a boy who can’t possibly be any older than her. She’ll face any consequences this might bring, and she’ll face it herself.

The healer turns to her, and in her frantic fit of running and shouting she hadn’t realized Nokashi has been asking questions.

Nokashi is her favorite healer, always entertaining the younger kids when he’s caring for them. He’s also really fun to talk to when you’re bored. He does like to gossip a lot with the other healers, but she forgives him for that whenever he sneaks her some extra steamed buns from the kitchen.

“Suki, will you please help by carrying the bag?” He’s already got Zuko in his arms and is walking back down the path.

“Sorry! Sorry, I got it.”

They make it back to the village and enter the healing house. It’s quiet when they enter, all the healers having retired for the day. The lanterns are lit and glow dimly in the darkness of the rooms.

Nokashi lays him on a mat that looks too big for his small stature.”Suki, who's this friend of yours? I’ve never seen her around the island.”

“That’s a boy! And he’s…” an outsider. ”…lost. He really needs help.” She places his weighted bag in the corner of the room.

“I can see… What exactly happened to him? This burn couldn’t have possibly come from an accident around a campfire.” He grabs a cotton sloth and dunks it in a pot full of water. He tries his best to be gentle around the sensitive skin. “Something really awful must’ve happened.”

“I don’t really know. I just… found him. On the west shore.” She still doesn’t know what he’s doing here. He doesn’t look like a soldier and he’s not wearing the colors of his nation.

“You don’t even know him? Suki, you have to be more cautious with people. He could be a spy from off the island for all you know!”

“Well he didn’t hurt me!” He almost did but she doesn’t mention that.

“You need to talk to Yukari or Oyaji about him, but for the time being, he’s my patient.”

“Hey! I found him first, he’s my friend.”

“Right. He’s really hot. Like extremely hot. I think he has a really bad fever too. He might not be able to get up the next time he wakes.” He takes out a stone bowl and starts mashing various plants and liquids in a range of colors. “A strange boy, don’t you think? He looks really pale, paler than I’ve ever seen. And his hair is pretty long for a boy.”

Suki doesn’t know anything about Fire Nation culture, they never bother teaching her about it since she had to focus on her ancestry before anyone else’s. It is a little odd that he wears his hair in a ponytail. It’s similar to the way Mingxia wore hers, tied high with a long ribbon, but all of his hair is put up, with no sections left down.

“I haven’t had a patient with such severe injuries in a long while. This is going to use up a lot of my supplies, my personal supplies. If you asked Juna to help this boy, she would probably have made another bowl of chicken lizard soup.” Juna is a nice girl, but her skills as a healer are a bit limited.

“Maybe he can have that when he wakes up.”

He carefully applies the mixture to the burn, running out of it before he could reach the edges. His face is carefully blank as he does so, not his usual easygoing smile. He gingerly wraps the red skin with bandages.

“Sure. You owe me Suki. I better have a new basket of materials from Renge’s garden by the end of the week! Here’s the list.” He hands her a piece of parchment listing various flowers and herbs.

Suki let’s out an incredulous sound.“What! Why me?”

“Your friend can help you, I just want my stuff back. I think I’m finally close to making- actually it’s none of your business!”

Suki couldn’t care less for the weird concoctions he makes in his spare time.“No, I mean what do I owe you for?

“For bringing a stranger to me in the middle of the night, when I’m about to go to bed.” He deadpans. ”For now all I can do is check-ups. I’ll be able to treat him better once I resupply. You will be helping with that if you want your friend to be healthy.”

“You’re no fun, you know that?” She jokes lightheartedly.

“You love me!” She can tell he’s slowly trying to shift the conversation somewhere else, though she has no clue why.

***

It’s warm.

Zuko wakes to a dimly lit room, staring at a ceiling lined with wooden beams. He’s lying on a plush mass of blankets on the floor. It should feel uncomfortable, like the time he hid under the bed at the beach house while he and Azula played hide and seek, but it’s oddly cozy. He fell asleep because she went off to do something else five minutes into the game after Azula couldn’t find him. His neck ached for the rest of their visit.

His left eye feels a little less irritating than it was earlier, but everything still aches. It’s been wrapped in a thin bandage around his head. His head still feels plagued by a pulsating headache, but he’s still conscious at least.

He has no clue how he got… wherever this is. He can spot a window, propped open with a wooden stick. It’s dark outside, the moon shining through the screen of clouds.

He removes the covers from his overheated form and checks his surroundings. The burn affects his perception of depth, and stumbles to his feet. The room is fairly small, but it shows signs of inhabitants, bandages and containers spewed across the place. He finds a curtain covered door that lets a dim orange light filter in through its thin material.

He finds his bag, that he had not yet looked through, and slings it across his shoulder.

Warily, he pulls the curtain aside and peeks out. It’s quiet, and he can hear the loud bugs that buzz outside the building. He is greeted by a long hall lined with other curtain covered doorways. Bowls that carry light hang from the tall ceiling, illuminating the space.

He creeps down the corridor towards the end where the entrance to the building leads outside. He tries his best to sneak across the wooden floors, but some floorboards creak just a bit too loud. He’s about to reach the large curtain that separates the inside from the cold night air, when he hears a creak from one of the rooms, followed by the movement of a curtain.

“You’re awake!” The warrior – Yuki was it? – walks in from one of the rooms holding a bowl of broth. “You shouldn’t be walking around at this hour.”

“Where am I?” He inches closer towards the exit.

“You’re at the healing house of my village. You fell asleep a while ago so I brought you here to heal.”

“I appreciate it,” He bites out, ”but I must get going now.” He doesn’t know where exactly he needs to go, but he can’t be here in this Earth Kingdom village.

He turns to leave, when he suddenly feels himself get pulled back by his shoulder. He flashes a flame with his fist, flinching himself as he does so.

“Ah!” The broth splatters on the ground, soaking into the floorboards. “Wait! You can’t leave! Your- your mom… in the note it said… she wanted you to stay here. I think it’s because my island is really safe… sooo she wants you to be safe. In your banishment. Here.”

Oh. That would’ve been useful earlier. Why here? His mom always wanted what’s best for him so maybe… maybe it’ll be okay to stay a little while. “Okay… I don’t really know… exactly what I’m supposed to be doing here.”

“Staying while you're banished of course! Could you also not firebend while in my village, my people don’t take kindly to Fire Nation.” Reasonable. Who wouldn’t they fear fire? Even Zuko is afraid of fire. Apparently this girl isn’t.

“Did it say how long I’m banished?” If they even want him back. He could be banished forever. He probably is from the way his father looked down at him. Who is he kidding? No one ever comes back from their banishments.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t see anything like that…” That look of pity comes back to her features, and he hates the feeling it gives him.

“Stop doing that.”

“Stop doing what?”

“That look on your face.”

“What? I’m not doing anything with my face.” Liar.

“Nevermind.” Even though he doesn’t like being treated like an injured animal, the look she gives is more comforting than any Azula has ever given him.

“Rude.”

“I wasn’t- I’m not!”

“Relax a bit, will you? I’m not being serious,” she giggles. “Since you’re clearly staying a while, I can show you the place you’ll be staying.” They already have a place for him?

“Thank you, warrior.”

“Don’t tell me you’ve already forgotten my name.” He lets out a squawk at the call out. ”I’m joking by the way. It’s okay, I’m Suki, future leader of the long-standing Kyoshi Warriors in my village. But you can just call me Suki!”

“I am-" She already knows his name, she had seen it when she read his letter. So there's no point in keeping it a secret from her. "I am Prince Zuko, son of Prince Ozai and Princess Ursa. Fourth in line to the throne.” Just like he’s rehearsed. But does he deserve that title? “But- but just call me Zuko.”

“You’re a what.”

“I’m-”

“You’re a prince…the prince of… of the Fire Nation” Uh oh. Maybe he shouldn't have said that? A shell shocked expression overtakes her features. ”We can’t tell anyone about this. No one can ever know who you are. From now on you are just Zuko.” A more serious but disbelieving tone starts to creep into her voice.

“But that is who I am! I can’t just- just- forget! I can’t just forget about that!”

“Keep your voice down! I want to help you, I really do. Even if you are the prince of stupid-”

“Hey!”

“- I want to help you out. That part of you won’t be forgotten … It’ll just be a secret , just between us.” Zuko is going to be a secret.

He hates secrets.

They arrive at a low building, different from the other residences they passed on their way here. It’s not far from the village, but it is not as close as the other homes. It looks similar to them, but it appears to be just the roof portion of the others.

Although, instead of wooden panels, it’s a structure thatched from straw, supported by wooden beams. When they enter the building, it’s devoid of any decoration or furniture.

“We usually use these houses as temporary places to stay when our homes are in need of repair, so it’s not much.” She hides her hands behind herself sheepishly. “Sorry if you get uncomfortable. But you need somewhere to sleep.”

It’s different from his room back home, walls covered in the color and symbols of his nation. This place is just sad and empty. There is a sleeping bag similar to the one at the healing house, that occupies one corner of the space. Zuko didn’t know sleeping on the ground was common here. Back home their beds were raised on a wooden frame.

“I was always taught to be grateful for what’s around me. So I’d appreciate the shelter if I were you.”

“Yes, thank you for your hospitality, Suki.” This girl is annoyingly determined to help Zuko out.

“Right. Well I’m heading to bed, you should probably do that too. Sorry I couldn’t get you food.” She silently travels down the hillside, Zuko watching her as her figure becomes smaller and smaller in the distance.

Zuko lays his pack down and starts rummaging through it. He finds containers of food from home at the top of the pack, followed by a small blanket. As he gets deeper into the bag, the contents make less and less sense to have for survival. By the time he’s reached the bottom, a select few items stick out to him.

First there’s the candles, presumably for practicing his bending, though he doesn’t know how much he can exercise the skill when his bending is supposed to be hidden from the villagers. Candles were often used in the basic lessons. Controlling your breath was key to control over your fire, candles were good for feeling the connection between the two.

Secondly, his dual broadswords, still sheathed. He never practiced around father because he knew it would just be another thing for his father to be disappointed about. Every firebender uses their fire in battle, it is a gift from Agni that should be cherished. Settling for a weapon when you have the gift of fire is considered dishonorable. It’s not that being a non-bender and using a weapon is bad, in fact it’s encouraged to practice a weapon.

There was a time when people had thought Zuko wasn’t going to be a firebender. Sometimes he wonders if it would've been easier for himself if he did turn out as a non-bender.

Lastly, his dagger from uncle. Never give up without a fight is engraved into the steel. It leaves a sour taste in his mouth. It’s a perfectly fine dagger, it just holds a lot of memory. Of uncle, Azula, even Lu Ten.

His eyes grow heavy, exhaustion catching up to him. So he takes the sign to get some rest.

Yawning, he drops down onto the mat, draping the small blanket from his pack over himself

Sleep is not a friend of Zuko’s. On nights when he had slipped up around father, his mind would betray him and replay the event over, over, and over again, not allowing him to rest.

“So when he turned his back, I set his pants on fire!” Azula exclaims retelling the story of her teacher lecturing her for her form while they eat dinner.

“Hm. Your teacher sounds like a fool. I’ll have him sent to the colonies.” father declares, voice without waver.

“Serves him right!”

“He’s not a dummy! He just thinks that proper firebending has to start-” A fist slams on the table, making Zuko flinch.

“Zuko! How dare you lecture your sister on firebending?!”

Father's voice always put a lump in his throat. It was the voice of a ruler, someone with power. Someone to fear. The glares he shot towards Zuko would make his hands tremble in fear.

Sometimes, when the nights were a bit too quiet,  fragments of arguments between his parents would carry through the halls.

“Ozai you- be serious…”

“That boy – call him my son – he can’t-”

“As if- Ozai!”

“I don’t care! -a merciful man, if he- else’s son, they’d throw him-”

“Ozai!”

“These children- failure!”

He’d cover his ears. His mind would always wonder why his parents were always yelling at one another. Never did he see Uncle and Auntie yelling their discontent for each other. Was that what love was for his parents? They acted very differently from the couples in the plays. Zuko often found himself imagining his life as a play, ending with him and his family being cheered on, by a crowd of faceless people.

Sometimes his life would feel more like those comedy plays, or the plays without happy endings, performed only to teach a lesson.

Azula never wasted time on silly dreams. Azula knew how to act right, unlike himself. She never let comments go to her head. She was always caught up in her training before anything else. He misses the times when they didn’t have to worry yet about pleasing their father through their firebending. Sometimes his father would talk about Azula the way he often talks about Zuko, but it wasn’t often.

Is he a bad person for fearing someone who’s never struck him?

Is it bad he’d also fear mother whenever she raised her voice in the slightest? She had a kinder hand, so why did he fear her?

Zuko sometimes felt guilty for being mad at his mom, one of the only people in his life who cared. He just couldn’t help but be mad at her for not stopping father, yet still letting him dream with nonsensical tales.

He lets himself wonder.

What are they up to?

Do they miss him?

Does he even deserve to go back?...

Sure he misses home, but he would never be able to show his face there again. The shame would be unbearable, overwhelming. There is no home left to come back to.

Still he finds himself worrying for his sister. He finds himself thinking of the warm hand that cupped his face before the fire. He finds himself wanting to crawl back into the arms of his parents.

He finally lets the tears he’s been holding back escape, silently, like all the other quiet nights in the palace. Nothing is there to fill the silence except the occasional sob he fails to hold back.

Eventually, he passes out from the exhaustion of everything.