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“Did we want lasagna or something else tonight?” Buck’s tinny voice asked over the speaker.
Eddie contemplated for a moment before answering, “Lasagna’s fine, unless you want to go shopping today? Did Chris say he wanted something different?”
Buck’s laughter bubbled through the phone and Eddie’s heart couldn’t help but soar. His energy was contagious.
Apparently, his face must have betrayed his feelings because at the dining table, sat Hen and Chimney, making kissing faces at Eddie. He had half a mind to “curse” the shift, just to see them squirm.
At least Ravi had the respect to ignore his private phone call .
Eddie hated days without Buck. He hated Buck’s heart of gold when he offered to swap with members of B-Shift for whatever reason. He liked Ravi well enough, but on q-word days, all he wanted was Buck.
Hence, the phone call.
“It’s not like I have anything better to do today. And no. Chris has not stated a difference in opinion for dinner. Ya know what, Eds?” Buck asked, a smile conveyed in his tone.
“What? Do you have a different recipe you want to try?”
“Nah,” Buck replied. “I kinda regret taking that shift yesterday.”
“No, really?” Eddie faked a gasp. “Evan Buckley’s heart of gold regretting taking an extra shift for a sick team member”
There was that laugh again. Eddie really needed to bottle that for later.
“It’s not like that-” a sudden commotion crackled in Eddie’s ear, loud enough that he yanked his phone back suddenly, leaving odd expressions on the Peanut Gallery’s faces.
“Buck, is everything alright down there?”
“Not sure Eddie,” Buck answered, worry laced in his voice. “I’ll call you back. Love you.”
Oh?
“Love you,” Eddie echoed, not sure how to respond to that. “Stay safe.”
“You too.”
And with that, Eddie was left with the dial tone and a sinking feeling in his stomach. What was so worrisome that Buck HAD to tell Eddie he loved him? Was that just something he did now?
“LOVE you? Seriously Eddie?” Hen broke him out of his spiral.
“He said it first,” he refuted desperately.
Chim chimed in, “And you decided to say it back?”
Eddie shrugged. “He sounded worried.”
“He sounded worried,” Hen mocked. “Jesus Eddie, get it together!”
“Every day, I’m still surprised you two aren’t actually together,” Ravi added, oh so helpfully. “Do you realize that Chris treats him like another dad?”
The Firehouse gods must have been taking pity on Eddie, because at that moment, the alarm blared throughout the 118.
Chimney jabbed a finger at Eddie. “You’re not getting out of this conversation that easily.”
Eddie rolled his eyes. “Yeah. Okay.”
~
In the engine, Bobby gave the team a rundown of the call.
“While this is a med call,” Bobby started, “there is a dense crowd, so PD will be there backing us up.”
The team nodded as Bobby continued.
“Caller stated that a fight was breaking out at the corner of 15th and Montana, and a ‘big guy’ rushed over to diffuse it”
15th and Montana , Eddie thought. That’s around the Whole Foods Buck likes to go to if he needs a weird ingredient.
“One of the instigators pushed the man into the street as a car was going past.”
An audible hsss dampened the mood in the cab.
“Vic is described as well built and in his early thirties, and that mixed with the fact the car wasn’t going too fast, the scene shouldn’t be too bad.”
The tension eased up a touch.
“Caller said she only called because the guy wasn’t standing back up. He told her that he ‘didn’t want to make anything worse’ and that ‘it was easier for the first responders.’”
It wasn’t every day they heard that about a victim.
“Dude sounds like a pro,” Ravi commented, slightly impressed. “How many times do you think he’s been hit before?”
“Or,” Eddie argued. “He’s one of us. Usually repeat offenders don’t make it easy.”
The engine pulled up to the scene, Hen and Chimney barely waiting for it to stop before they raced to the figure sprawled out on the asphalt.
Athena and Officer Williams were already on scene, attempting crowd control. Eddie caught her eye, watching her face drop as she made her way briskly towards the rest of the team. That wasn’t a great sign.
“Eddie, wait-” she started.
The debate from the engine was concluded.
“Or both,” Hen whispered. “Oh Buck.”
“Hey guys,” Buck greeted weakly. “Was kinda hoping it would be the 136?”
Oh shit.
His vision blurred.
His heart raced.
He was back there.
Shannon.
In the middle of the street.
Bruised.
Bloody.
Broken.
Dying.
“Eddie,” a voice crept through his thoughts.
Bruised.
Bloody.
“Eddie,” it repeated, harsher than before.
Broken.
Dy-
“EDDIE!”
The voice broke through.
Eddie felt his knees buckle as he collapsed into his Captain’s arms.
“Shannon,” he whimpered. “Shannon.”
”It’s not Shannon, baby,” Athena soothed, standing next to Bobby. “It’s not her.”
“Shannon,” Eddie repeated, slightly more broken than before.
“No internal bleeding,” Chimney called through the crowd.
Not true. Buck was hit by a car. Chimney needed to check again.
“Dislocated knee and clean break in the tibia, no protruding bone. I don’t feel any other broken bones. You got lucky, man.”
Broken body.
Broken.
Broken Buck .
“Ravi, grab the splint,” Hen added. “We need to stabilize the leg before we move him.”
Stabilize.
Intubate.
Stabilize.
Never again.
Hen directed her next sentence towards Buck. ”Hey buddy?”
“Yeah?”
Come on Buck. Keep talking.
“This next part is going to hurt like a bitch.”
“Just do it, Hen. Put Eddie out of his misery.”
He didn’t realize that Buck was looking right at him.
Damn panic attack.
“Okay Buckaroo, you know the drill. One, two- ”
The subsequent sound was not for the faint of heart.
Even without being totally confident in his stability, Eddie broke free of Bobby’s grip, scrambling towards Buck against all protest.
“Buck Buck Buck Buck Buck,” Eddie stuttered, fumbling for his best friend’s hand. In hindsight, that would probably have been an embarrassing moment, but he was grateful that Buck took it all in stride.
Just like he always did.
“I’m okay. I’m okay, Eddie.”
Eddie’s only response was more hyperventilation.
Chimney took that as their moment to speed things up.
“I need a backboard in here ASAP. We need to get them out of here.”
Eddie wasn’t entirely aware of what was around him, but Chimney’s use of them and not him was not lost upon him.
“Eddie,” Athena begged, standing behind him. “You’ve going to need to let go so they can get them up, baby.”
“No.”
Eddie has his fingers right on Buck’s pulse point. He couldn’t lose it. He wouldn’t lose it. Not this time.
“It’s okay, ‘Thena,” Hen approved. “We can do what we need to do. He can stay.”
He needs to stay remained unspoken.
Eddie felt the hand in his squeeze a little harder, grounding him a little bit more.
“Eddie, we’re lifting on three. Go ahead and watch yourself.”
It took a little maneuvering, but they managed to get Buck on the gurney without making Eddie let go once.
Buck’s pulse was still strong.
Still there .
There was never a debate of who was going into the ambulance. Eddie didn’t ask, and nobody told him no.
Chimney climbed in first, making sure Buck was stable. Eddie launched himself inside right after.
“We’re heading to Cedars,” Hen addressed Bobby and Athena, before climbing into the driver's side of the ambulance.
Eddie just wanted to get going.
Before he lost the pulse.
Before Buck stopped breathing.
“Hen, we need to get moving!” Chimney called out, right next to his ear.
“What do you think I’m trying to do here, Chim?”
“Hey. Hey, hey,” Buck wiggled the hand holding Eddie’s, trying to get his attention off Hen and Chimney. “I’m okay, Eddie.”
“No, no no no,” Eddie ignored whatever Buck was trying to tell him. He pressed further into the pulse point.
“Hey. Hey ,” Buck repeated, using his free hand to guide Eddie’s face towards his own. Eddie squeezed his eyes shut, not wanting to look him in the face.
He shouldn’t.
He couldn’t.
Not if that would be his last memory.
“Okay, okay,” Buck muttered. “We’ll work through this. Chim, could you give me some space?”
Chimney didn’t argue.
There was a bit of rustling on Buck’s other side, followed by a slight hiss of pain. Fear shot through Eddie like a bullet, and his hold on Buck strengthened. A free hand gripped his own, guiding his fingers to the pulse.
“You feel that?” Buck prompted.
Eddie ignored the question, choosing instead to focus on counting the beats coursing through his fingertips.
Slowly, Buck rotated his hands, causing Eddie to lose his connection with the life force he was carefully tracking. He let out a heartbreaking whine as he fumbled around, trying to find the pulse.
“No, none of that,” Buck halted him in his tracks. “Just follow my hands, Eddie.”
Doing as he was told, Eddie allowed Buck to manipulate his hands, stopping at his hips.
“What do you feel?” Buck asked, rubbing his thumb along the inside of Eddie’s wrist.
“Pelvis is intact,” Eddie murmured, slowly feeling around the area where Buck placed his fingers. “No damage to internal organs.”
Buck nodded and moved their hands under his shirt, bunching it up just below his ribs, leaving his stomach open.
“What do you see, Eds?”
Nothing.
Absolutely nothing.
“No bruising indicating internal bleeding. Completely clear.”
“Exactly.”
And they moved on, Buck gliding their hands across his body, allowing Eddie to inspect each area thoroughly to prove that the injuries were all just superficial.
Eddie could feel his breathing slowly even out after each stop, grateful that Buck wasn’t opposed to this type of intimacy.
From the corner of his eye, he could see Chimney trying his damndest to keep his thoughts to himself. Eddie was borderline impressed.
What he didn’t realize was just how grounding the exercise truly was until he inspected the last area, (Bucks head; no blood, skull remained intact.)
When he realized he was done, Eddie started to panic again.
But Buck caught him before the spiral.
“Hey, no. None of that,” Buck placated, holding Eddie’s head in his hands. “We still have one more.”
One more?
Eddie allowed Buck to move his head, heart jumping when he realized Buck had placed his head onto his chest.
“Listen, love .”
And he did.
thu-Thump
thu-Thump
thu-Thump
“Strong heart,” he murmured into Buck.
“Just for you,” Buck teased back.
And maybe it was. Warmth seeped into Eddie’s veins, and with Buck’s hand in his hair, he felt like he could feel normal again.
Feel…
“We’re here guys,” Chimney said, attempting to sound neutral, though Eddie could hear the regret laced in his tone. He wriggled in his seat, not making any effort to displace himself from the position that Buck put him in.
Not leaving.
Not this time.
“Eds. Look at me.”
Eddie slowly raised his head from Buck’s chest, looking him in the eyes for the first time since they entered the ambulance. Buck grabbed his hand one more time.
”I’m going to be fine.”
And maybe.
Just maybe.
He could believe him.
~~~
“So, are we going to talk about what happened today, Eddie?”
Eddie paused at his locker and turned his attention to the intervention before him. The team looked at him expectantly.
He wouldn’t give them the satisfaction of the discovery.
“Nope.”
“But he called you- ”
“It doesn’t matter what he called me.”
Bobby approached him, placing a heavy, comforting hand on his shoulder.
“Talk to him, Eddie. At least tell him what happened.”
Eddie shrugged off the well-meaning hand, pointedly ignoring whatever the team wanted from him.
Maybe he will.
Talk to Buck, that is.
Why not?
It’s Buck .
He tells him everything.
It could be for the better.
Could
definitely
be for the better, if Eddie had anything to say about it.