Chapter Text
■
Welcome to the Parahumans Online message boards.
You are currently logged in, ForRealAnimeGirl
You are viewing:
• Threads you have replied to
• AND Threads that have new replies
• OR private message conversations with new replies
• Thread OP is displayed.
• Twenty posts per page
• Last ten messages in private message history.
• Threads and private messages are ordered chronologically.
■
♦ Topic: Is It Over Yet? (Boston Games)
In: Boards ► Places ► America ► Boston Discussion (Public Board)
Tired_Iron (Original Poster)
Posted On Jan 5th 2008:
You know, when the PRT did its crackdown on crime here in Boston, I actually thought things were going to get better. I put my whole life into car maintenance. Had my own shop, worked nine to five and all that. I knew there was crime, but it never affected me beyond a hint of anxiety. Nothing I couldn't live with.
Then mass arrests of parahuman criminals and within a week, my shop is totalled, there's a gaping hole in my apartment from where Baldr threw some samereye, or however you spell that, and my landlord is charging me extra now because somehow my damaged apartment has a high value because it's a 'safe' neighborhood. Give me a fucking break!
Did the heroes actually make any arrests at all, or did they just release a bunch of villains on boston so that they could all go hog-wild with their fucking cape fights?
I'm so tired of this shit. I just want it to be over. I want my LIFE back!
(Showing page 1 of 58)
►Xyloloup
Replied On Jan 5th 2008:
Wow, cry more. you lost your store and haven't been able to repair your apartment, you're truly one of the greatest martyrs of our time. You know, some of us get to worry that the ACTUAL FUCKING NAZIS who live down the block from us might decide we look Jewish enough to stab and leave in a ditch.
Boston sounds like paradise. At least your life isn't ruled by one gang or another if you're not middle class or above.
►Bagrat (The Guy in the Know) (Veteran Member)
Replied On Jan 5th 2008:
No need for the histrionics Xylo. I get that Brockton isn't a nice place, but suffering isn't a contest. You have your problems, he has his.
►ForRealAnimeGirl
Replied On Jan 5th 2008:
Thanks for being the voice of reason here, but I'm in Boston, too, and this guy still just sounds whiny. He got unlucky. Why does he have to vent at everybody?
►WishingWill
Replied On Jan 5th 2008:
Also wtf is with his whole 'did the heros release villains so the they could fight them?' crap? That is some conspiracy theorist bullshit. Sound like the kind of thing that could be used for a crappy straight-to-TV movie that'd go on the syfy channel.
►Bagrat (The Guy in the Know) (Veteran Member)
Replied On Jan 5th 2008:
Maybe a bit more merit than a straight to SyFy. Not much, but a bit.
►Third_Story (Verified PRT Agent)
Replied On Jan 5th 2008:
Yes, OP, the Boston Blowback seems to have been winding down in the past few months, and with the destruction of The Four's bioweapon, most of the villains who got entrenched are trying to avoid attention in the aftermath.
►Tired_Iron (Original Poster)
Replied On Jan 5th 2008:
Blowback? You talk about this like it was unexpected. Don't you peple have capes who can see the fucking future?! Was no one predicting this?
►Antigone
Replied On Jan 5th 2008:
This guy thinks that you need a thinker to tell the PRT what'll happen if they create a power vacuum in a big city...?
►Lolitup
Replied On Jan 5th 2008:
Besides, aren't precog powers notoriously finicky?
►Therewolf (Veteran Member)
Replied On Jan 5th 2008:
That's what people say.
Truth is that we might be in better shape now than before, (hell if I know) but that won't matter much to the people who got hurt in the process.
►cowards_way_in
Replied On Jan 6th 2008:
OP, if you're feeling down, just believe in the me that believes in Therewolf.
►LeaveYouInStitches
Replied On Jan 6th 2008:
Does that make any sense to anybody?
►Therewolf (Veteran Member)
Replied On Jan 6th 2008:
If anyone says yes, I will call them a dirty liar.
►Stegomancer
Replied On Jan 6th 2008:
I'll get the hose and a pressurized soap dispenser.
►WishingWill
Replied On Jan 6th 2008:
Do we know what the PRT has been doing to inhibit our new criminal underworld?
►Wobblesworde
Replied On Jan 6th 2008:
@Third_Story Your time to shine, friend.
►InexorableToaster
Replied On Jan 6th 2008:
I miss the days when gang violence just meant you might get shot and left in a ditch. These days you might get thrown into the neighbouring state by a guy trying to use you as a bludgeoning weapon.
There's been an incredibly dumb joke circulating the boards lately that goes 'axes are melee weapons, like swords, or shotguns, or short Italian men.'
To the cape that used me as a club: Your muscles are ugly, and I don't approve of being swung around like a baseball bat.
►Stegomancer
Replied On Jan 6th 2008:
For someone claiming to have been subjected to horrendous physical abuse, you've taken it astonishingly well, based on the tone of your message.
►InexorableToaster
Replied On Jan 6th 2008:
I'm more surprised than you are! I got away with a few bruises and a twisted ankle.
Statistics say that civilians caught in the crossfire of cape battles have a 60-to-80% chance of sustaining serious injuries. I walked it off, still got to work on time and my wife doted on me for hours. Best day ever. All you can do is laugh.
End of Page. 1, 2, 3... 56, 57, 58
■
♦ Topic: Lot of Blastgerm Capes Around Lately. . .
In: Boards ► Places ► America ► Boston ► Teams ► Blastgerm
Stegomancer (Original Poster)
Posted On Mar 2nd 2008:
Has anyone noticed a lot of Blastgerm capes around town?
And, like, actively. I saw something shady going down near the wall by the Plague Containment Zone, and all of a sudden, the dealer or whatever gets grabbed by this unholy rat thing the size of a tiger and get dragged off into a manhole.
I'm also noticing a theme in here. No Blastgerm cape looks human except for Rotten Apple, Splicer, and Blasto. Those that aren't obviously Case 53s look like they've been stitched together from different animals.
Is it possible that Blastgerm is behind the Case 53s?
(Showing page 4 of 23)
►DarthIcthyos
Replied On Mar 2nd 2008:
@MacaroniStoat Everyone knows that Case 53s are aliens.
►Snail_Mail_24
Replied On Mar 2nd 2008:
That would be a nice, convenient answer.
Why do they only know earth languages?
►Gandalf the Tie-Dyed
Replied On Mar 2nd 2008:
lmao because they're trying to blend in. Obviously.
►DarthIcthyos
Replied On Mar 2nd 2008:
To avoid attracting more attention.
EDIT: Damnit, sniped.
►MacaroniStoat
Replied On Mar 2nd 2008:
How'd they get here in the first place?
►Gandalf the Tie-Dyed
Replied On Mar 2nd 2008:
@DarthIcthyos I was actually being sarcastic…
@MacaroniStoat In spaceships that the fucking smurf shoots down. We get them every couple months here in Roswell lol
►Disaster_Zone
Replied On Mar 3rd 2008:
I've investigated this possibility, but determined that Blastgerm is absolutely not the source of Case 53s. And what I have found doesn't make sense. Either Blastgerm is hiring Case 53s to fit the monster aesthetic, or they're not even capes and just monsters Blasto made.
That said, I want to emphasize that Case 53s aren't monsters: they're human beings who've suffered transformations while triggering.
►Promethiac
Replied On Mar 3rd 2008:
Okay, I get that this is poignant and interesting, but aren't we all forgetting something really important? Blastgerm has R.O.U.S.es!
►ForRealAnimeGirl
Replied On Mar 3rd 2008:
Rodents Of Unusual Size? I don't think they exist.
►Ferrinox the Squirrel Titan (Not a squirrel)
Replied On Mar 3rd 2008:
*ducks as a massive rat attacks ForRealAnimeGirl.*
You had to say it didn't you?
►LeaveYouInStitches
Replied On Mar 3rd 2008:
@ForRealAnimeGirl YOU'D LIKE TO THINK THAT, WOULDN'T YOU?!
►DarthIcthyos
Replied On Mar 3rd 2008:
What the hell is everyone talking about?
►Wobblesworde
Replied On Mar 3rd 2008:
*stares*
►ForRealAnimeGirl
Replied On Mar 3rd 2008:
*stares*
►MacaroniStoat
Replied On Mar 3rd 2008:
*stares*
►Stegomancer (Original Poster)
Replied On Mar 3rd 2008:
*stares*
►LeaveYouInStitches
Replied On Mar 3rd 2008:
*stares*
►Xyloloup
Replied On Mar 3rd 2008:
*stares*
►Gandalf the Tie-Dyed
Replied On Mar 3rd 2008:
*stares*
►Eel_on_a_Hovercraft
Replied On Mar 4th 2008:
*stares*
End of Page. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6... 21, 22, 23
(Showing page 5 of 23)
►ghost_salsa
Replied On Mar 3rd 2008:
*stares in shock*
►InexorableToaster
Replied On Mar 3rd 2008:
*stares aggressively*
►Promethiac
Replied On Mar 3rd 2008:
*stares judgementally*
►Therewolf (Veteran Member)
Replied On Mar 3rd 2008:
*mostly just stares*
►DarthIcthyos
Replied On Mar 3rd 2008:
What!? What did I say!?!!
►Therewolf (Veteran Member)
Replied On Mar 3rd 2008:
He's never seen The Princess Bride.
Inconceivable. . .
►ForRealAnimeGirl
Replied On Mar 3rd 2008:
Oh hell. Ferrinox was right.
There's a giant humanoid rat sitting in my front yard with a boombox playing Don't Stop Believin'.
►LeaveYouInStitches
Replied On Mar 3rd 2008:
They are! I double-checked my sources and everything! This is super weird!
DarthIcthyos is probably an alien.
►Ferrinox the Squirrel Titan (Not a squirrel)
Replied On Mar 3rd 2008:
@ForRealAnimeGirl INCONCEIVABLE!
(At least it has good taste)
►Therewolf (Veteran Member)
Replied On Mar 3rd 2008:
I thought people who hadn't watched The Princess Bride were just an urban myth!
►Antigone
Replied On Mar 3rd 2008:
@Ferrinox the Squirrel Titan You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.
(Am I too late to stare judgementally at the fish Sith?)
►cowards_way_in
Replied On Mar 3rd 2008:
Unfortunately yes. The chain has been broken.
►InexorableToaster
Replied On Mar 3rd 2008:
*continues quietly judging DarthIcthios*
►DarthIcthyos
Replied On Mar 3rd 2008:
Princess Bride is a chick flick!
►cowards_way_in
Replied On Mar 3rd 2008:
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
►BadSamurai
Replied On Mar 3rd 2008:
Ummmmmm, nope!
►Antigone
Replied On Mar 3rd 2008:
What kind of sociopath told you that?
►MacaroniStoat
Replied On Mar 3rd 2008:
That's a terrible thing to see.
►CatKit (Moderator: Boston)(Assembly required)
Replied On Mar 3rd 2008:
Where did you hear that? No, The Princess Bride is not a chick-flick. There's something in that movie for everyone.
►DarthIcthyos
Replied On Mar 3rd 2008:
No one told me, it's right there in the name! The PRINCESS BRIDE!
Stop trolling me!
EDIT: Even the mods?!
End of Page. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 ... 21, 22, 23
■
♦Private message from Eel_on_a_Hovercraft
Eel_on_a_Hovercraft: [LINK]
ForRealAnimeGirl: WHOA! Nice! When did you start working out?
Eel_on_a_Hovercraft: Oh no. Tell me you didn't only just notice the abs.
ForRealAnimeGirl: …
Eel_on_a_Hovercraft: CLAIRE! .·°՞(˃ ᗝ ˂)՞°·.
ForRealAnimeGirl: Oh god, I'm sorry! …kinda weird not being the one with body image issues in this relationship. I thought that was more of a feminine thing.
Eel_on_a_Hovercraft: Man, easy for you to say. You can look like whoever you want with that armor. Also I've gotta work hard because I know you have [a type]. You know, sharp features, brown hair, long-ish nose, strong jaw, WHITE, name being Harrison Ford...
ForRealAnimeGirl: Nooooo! That's not fair! You can't hold yourself to those standards! NO ONE is as hot as Harrison Ford!
Eel_on_a_Hovercraft: ??? Not even you? (⸝⸝⸝O﹏ O⸝⸝⸝)
■
(Showing page 6 of 23)
►CatKit (Moderator: Boston) (Assembly required)
Replied On Mar 3rd 2008:
I'm dead serious. Not a chick flick.
►Stegomancer (Original Poster)
Replied On Mar 3rd 2008:
Yeah, no it's not.
►Blasto (Verified Cape)
Replied On Mar 3rd 2008:
Princess Bride is a swashbuckler.
I come to the new thread about my gang and this is what I find. It's a sad day to have a functioning brain.
►CatKit (Moderator: Boston)(Assembly required)
Replied On Mar 3rd 2008:
Okay, everyone, lay off the guy. He hasn't seen a movie, there's no reason to dogpile him.
Besides, isn't missing out on The Princess Bride punishment enough?
►Eel_on_a_Hovercraft
Replied On Mar 3rd 2008:
I dunno about that (˵ ¬ᴗ¬˵)
►ForRealAnimeGirl
Replied On Mar 3rd 2008:
Guys, I was serious, you know? About the rat-creature.
►WishingWill
Replied On Mar 3rd 2008:
@DarthIcthyos You need to see it, quick, before something terrible happens!
►Blasto (Verified Cape)
Replied On Mar 3rd 2008:
I'm the leader of the gang this thread is about! Pay attention to me!
►Xyloloup
Replied On Mar 3rd 2008:
Meh. Maybe in a minute lmao
►Ferrinox the Squirrel Titan (Not a squirrel)
Replied On Mar 3rd 2008:
@WishingWill
Will demons will rain from the sky, and the earth be rent asunder beneath our feet?
►ForRealAnimeGirl
Replied On Mar 3rd 2008:
The rat left, if anyone cares.
►WishingWill
Replied On Mar 3rd 2008:
@Ferrinox the Squirrel Titan No, and save the endbringer talk for somewhere else, but surely everyone on the block is having nightmares from the malignant psychic resonance caused by Princess Bride deprivation.
►Snail_Mail_24
Replied On Mar 4th 2008:
This conversation has gotten quite derailed. I had hoped to see something about Case 53s. I'm a little disappointed.
►Sandwich of DOOM!
Replied On Mar 4th 2008:
If Blastgerm has giant rats, what else do you think they have?
►Stegomancer (Original Poster)
Replied On Mar 4th 2008:
I've also seen a cape that looked like a human-shaped tree, and two different werewolves.
►LeaveYouInStitches
Replied On Mar 4th 2008:
Weird. You'd think they'd be more original.
►ForRealAnimeGirl
Replied On Mar 4th 2008:
I look out my window first thing this morning and what do I see?
An R.O.U.S.! Dammit Blastgerm!
►InexorableToaster
Replied On Mar 4th 2008:
@LeaveYouInStitches And what exactly would you suggest?
EDIT: Actually, don't answer that. Blasto's in here. I don't want to give him ideas.
►ForRealAnimeGirl
Replied On Mar 4th 2008:
There's a for-real rat-person on my lawn and everyone's ignoring me.
This probably says something profound about the human condition, but I can't be bothered to puzzle it out right now.
EDIT: Okay, it's not like anyone else here's a close friend, but you, too, Eel? I dated you for a year and you just abandon me with the first rat to squat on my property.
►ghost_salsa
Replied On Mar 4th 2008:
I got freaked out by something with the head of an alligator the other day getting into a fight with Baldr. Didn't go well for Alligator Man, but it was scary as all hell when it crept up behind me. The SOB was damn near silent.
@Eel_on_a_Hovercraft WTF, man, that is seriously not cool! The hell is wrong with you?
End of Page. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8... 21, 22, 23
■
♦Private message from LeaveYouInStitches
ForRealAnimeGirl: Can you stop?
LeaveYouInStitches: Doing what? (˶ˆᗜˆ˵)
ForRealAnimeGirl: You know.
ForRealAnimeGirl: There is a rat the size of a motorcycle doing the Sixteen Candles thing outside my bedroom window.
LeaveYouInStitches: Sixteen candles?
ForRealAnimeGirl: It's an 80's movie.
ForRealAnimeGirl: Wait, no, you have to have heard of it, it's even the same kind of boombox.
LeaveYouInStitches: Now I'm just confused. I thought I was being original.
ForRealAnimeGirl: Then this is a bizarre coincidence of the highest order and I still want your darn rat-thing off my parents' property ya wippersnapper.
LeaveYouInStitches *New Message*: Awwwww.
■
♦Private message from Eel_on_a_Hovercraft
ForRealAnimeGirl: What do you mean, not even me? ( ￣＾￣) Hmph. Do *I* look like I was carved out of marble by the gods themselves?
Eel_on_a_Hovercraft: (⸝⸝⸝O﹏ O⸝⸝⸝) ---------->
ForRealAnimeGirl: Awwwwww . . . . (>/////< " )˚ʚ♡ɞ˚
ForRealAnimeGirl: Wait, you're not just teasing me by saying I look like a dude, right?
Eel_on_a_Hovercraft: Holy crap, we suck at this whole flirting thing, don't we?
ForRealAnimeGirl: Yeah, we kinda do.
Eel_on_a_Hovercraft: Hey!! You called me up within five minutes and I've been on overwatch all day!
ForRealAnimeGirl: What do you mean?
ForRealAnimeGirl: Oh my gawd! I swear I wasn't expecting such a dramatic response! No one was saying anything! RED ALERT! RED ALERT! DAMAGE CONTROL MODE!
Eel_on_a_Hovercraft *New Message*: LOL it's fine.
■
March 8th, 2008
Blasto joined her in the lab the next morning with a sleep-deprived wave.
“Hey, Splice,” he yawned. “We’ve got a problem.”
“Oh no,” Riley gasped. “It’s the seagulls, isn’t it?! They’ve realized that their creator is a puny, laserless mortal and have come for revenge! I knew it was only a matter of time!
“Don’t worry, Uncle Blasto, I can fix this. I just need those dancing penguins from Mary Poppins.”
“Those were cartoons, kid.”
“I can make it happen!” Riley shouted.
“It’s also not the seagulls.”
“I see. They’re still biding their time.”
“No, they’re just seagulls. …Shouldn’t have agreed to let Lauren show you The Birds.”
“Then what could be wrong?”
“You know the tank that was supposed to be growing a swimming hawk for underwater recon?”
“What? Where’s the problem? What’d we do wrong?”
“See for yourself,” he brought her around the corner and gestured to one of the growth tanks, where a tuna was twitching uncontrollably.
“Huh. That’s not a bird,” observed Riley.
“No it is not.”
“Interesting results though: Instead of getting a swimming bird, we got an aquaphobic fish.”
Riley scratched her head, walking slowly around the tank, observing the creature from as many angles as possible before checking its vitals on the attached monitor. Things didn’t look good.
“What’s the moral imperative now that he’s conscious?” she asked. “Do we put him out of his misery and have tuna for dinner? Or do we give him therapy?”
“I’m not a licensed fish psychiatrist.”
“That’s no excuse not to try,” Riley grinned, pulling out a pad of paper. “Now, Mr. Tunafalcon, can you describe how it feels for you when you’re fully submerged in seawater?”
The tuna stubbornly refused to answer. He was still shuddering, though.
“I don’t mean to crush your hopes, but I don’t think it’s going to answer you.”
“You can’t prove that.”
Mr. Tunafalcon suddenly pulled a gun and did something that shouldn’t have made sense for many reasons. The same sorts of reasons that you wouldn’t expect to see a halibut punch a giraffe. On the bright side, he’d solved Riley’s dilemma for her.
Of course, now she had to plan a funeral for Mr. Tunafalcon. Or at least destroy the evidence.
“I’m kinda getting a hankering for sushi, all of a sudden,” she noted. “I think I might be tunacidal.”
“There are worse things you could be,” Blasto shrugged.
■
Welcome to the Parahumans Online message boards.
You are currently logged in, LeaveYouInStitches
You are viewing:
• Threads you have replied to
• AND Threads that have new replies
• OR private message conversations with new replies
• Thread OP is displayed.
• Twenty posts per page
• Last ten messages in private message history.
• Threads and private messages are ordered chronologically.
■
♦ Topic: The RISE of BAPHOMET!!!!
In: Boards ► Places ► America ► Boston
LordBaphomet (Original Poster) (Banned)
Posted On Apr 8th 2008:
I am Baphomet. I am all powerfull! Neel beforeth me
Fear the Power of the great defilereth!
(Showing page 1 of 4)
►cowards_way_in
Replied On Apr 8th 2008:
oh fuck another fallen freak
EDIT: nvm panicked at the goetia reference. its just a clown.
►FishesAreWishes
Replied On Apr 8th 2008:
Pardon me for not taking you at your word.
►Sarah_not_Connor
Replied On Apr 8th 2008:
I can speak ye olde english too, forsooth!
►DoubleCrit!
Replied On Apr 8th 2008:
You're doing it better than the OP.
That is, admittedly, an extraordinarily low bar.
►For_RealZ
Replied On Apr 8th 2008:
LMAO so low that you'd need heavy duty excavation equipment just to trip over it.
►InexorableToaster
Replied On Apr 8th 2008:
Does anyone know who this guy is? Troll? For-real idiot? Previously unknown Fallen leader who just revealed himself after taking a piece of rebar to the cranium?
►damned_Dan
Replied On Apr 8th 2008:
Probbaly a comibantion of 2 and the second part of 3 lol
►LordBaphomet (Original Poster) (Banned)
Replied On Apr 8th 2008:
I was killed by that retch satyrical but I came backeth from a pit of fire to take my revengeance on him! All of thy who thinkth he can protect you will be next!
►DoubleCrit!
Replied On Apr 8th 2008:
The grammar. It hurts my eyes.
►Roastbuster
Replied On Apr 8th 2008:
Why would we be counting on a guy on the opposite side of the country to do anything for us? We've got Bastion, Aerobat, and dozens of other heroes.
►Sarah_not_Connor
Replied On Apr 8th 2008:
Isn't Satyrical in, like, Vegas? Why are you posting this in the Boston boards?
►Dr. Welkin (Not a doctor)
Replied On Apr 8th 2008:
I'd ask why he's posting at all, or maybe how, since he's obviously a moron, but I don't want to be impolite. Oh. Oops.
►Tin_Mother (Global Moderator)
Replied On Apr 8th 2008:
Okay, calm down everyone, no need to gang up on the new user. Are you looking for the roleplaying boards?
►LordBaphomet (Original Poster) (Banned)
Replied On Apr 8th 2008:
What? You're tellingth me I can [Mod: BEEP] on this website?
User has received an infraction for this post: Profanity is usually allowed, but the context was especially inappropriate.
►Tin_Mother (Global Moderator)
Replied On Apr 8th 2008:
@LordBaphomet I think you've misunderstood.
►Roastbuster
Replied On Apr 8th 2008:
no shit.
►MacaroniStoat
Replied On Apr 8th 2008:
Yeah, this is painful to watch.
►Tin_Mother (Global Moderator)
Replied On Apr 8th 2008:
Additionally, thou art behaving in a manner most brutish and uncivilized. We have nevertheless afforded thee much courtesy in spite of thine crude prattlings. Thou should be aware, however, that our charity is not without limit. We would advise thee watch thy tongue, lest it cleave to the top of thy mouth.
►For_RealZ
Replied On Apr 8th 2008:
Man, Tin_Mother is the greatest.
End of Page. 1, 2, 3, 4
(Showing page 2 of 4)
►Sarah_not_Connor
Replied On Apr 8th 2008:
And I am officially done here. See you literally never, goat boy.
►LordBaphomet (Original Poster) (Banned)
Replied On Apr 9th 2008:
@Tin_Mother The fuck does that mean?@Sarah_not_Connor Oh yah? I don't needeth you bitch. I can have any girl I wantth! Girls fuckin throw themselves at me! They BEG to [Mod: VERY LONG BEEP]
User has received an infraction for this post: I haven't seen a post this inappropriate since before I became a mod.
►InexorableToaster
Replied On Apr 9th 2008:
My dude really spent 24 hours writing almost thirty agonizingly poorly written paragraphs about how much girls want him... VERY specifically sexually... more than a dozen times. Holy motherfuck. Ladies and gentlemen, we have a virgin.
►Monica Cabernet
Replied On Apr 9th 2008:
Wow. Tell me you're an incel without saying you're an incel.
And here I was worried that this was a new Fallen. That's a relief.
►LordBaphomet (Original Poster) (Banned)
Replied On Apr 9th 2008:
This post has been deleted.
User has received an infraction for this post: Death threats are NEVER allowed.
►Tired_Iron
Replied On Apr 9th 2008:
Pretty sure it's worse. he's not an incel: He's just that fucking dumb.
►Cirque du Glacias
Replied On Apr 9th 2008:
@LordBaphomet You wrote a 7,522 word screed about the violent and sexual acts you want commit against unwilling female participants, as well as the size of a certain part of the male anatomy on your body. But no, WE'RE totally the problem.
►Tin_Mother (Global Moderator)
Replied On Apr 9th 2008:
@LordBaphomet I apologize. I didn't mean to confuse you. I was just playing along with your bravado. I was giving you a warning that your behaviour was very crude and that you now have a mark against your account. Enough of those and you won't be able to log onto the site for a while.
►LordBaphomet (Original Poster) (Banned)
Replied On Apr 9th 2008:
eat shit, I have infractions now. I'm actually important! you can'tth do anything to me
►CatKit (Moderator: Boston) (Assembly required)
Replied On Apr 9th 2008:
Wanna bet?
►Stegomancer
Replied On Apr 9th 2008:
Oh god, someone. Anyone, if you have any sympathy for humanity's plight, please put this idiot out of our misery.
►Tin_Mother (Global Moderator)
Replied On Apr 9th 2008:
Are you aware of what the word infraction means?
►ghost_salsa
Replied On Apr 9th 2008:
Not sure why shes humoring him. Admirable if maybe misguided.
►LordBaphomet (Original Poster) (Banned)
Replied On Apr 9th 2008:
What are you callingth me stupid? Just look at how good I talketh! This whole site must be full of people with less than half brains to thinkth I look stupid!
►Tin_Mother (Global Moderator)
Replied On Apr 9th 2008:
No, I'm not saying anything about you, sir, I just wanted to know if you know what that word means.
@ghost_salsa Call me curious.
►LordBaphomet (Original Poster) (Banned)
Replied On Apr 9th 2008:
What word?
►DoubleCrit!
Replied On Apr 9th 2008:
This can't be real. It's performative. It HAS to be, right?
►Tin_Mother (Global Moderator)
Replied On Apr 9th 2008:
The word 'infraction.'
►Cirque du Glacias
Replied On Apr 9th 2008:
It's like watching a parent talking to her kid. Tin_Mother, I know you've heard it before, but you have the patience of a saint.
►BadSamurai
Replied On Apr 9th 2008:
I tried to ask her out once. Like, just an online thing, but she rejected me. I couldn't even feel bad about it. She's probably already married.
End of Page. 1, 2, 3, 4
(Showing page 3 of 4)
►LordBaphomet (Original Poster) (Banned)
Replied On Apr 9th 2008:
If course i know what infraction means! It means that I got an award for being good at math.
►Roastbuster
Replied On Apr 9th 2008:
Someone MAKE IT STOOOOOOOOP!!!!!
►Tin_Mother (Global Moderator)
Replied On Apr 10th 2008:
I'm sorry to disappoint you, but an infraction is a notice that you've broken the rules of the site.@BadSamurai I'm not married. Simply not ready to date anyone. You were very nice, though.
►BadSamurai
Replied On Apr 10th 2008:
A complement from Tin_Mother. I'll treasure this day forever.
►LordBaphomet
Replied On Apr 10th 2008:
You think I care about your rules! I do what I want!
►CatKit (Moderator: Boston) (Assembly required)
Replied On Apr 10th 2008:
I want to confirm that you understand that your behavior will have consequences if you keep this up.
►LordBaphomet (Original Poster) (Banned)
Replied On Apr 10th 2008:
What areth you gonna do? hit me?
►CatKit (Moderator: Boston) (Assembly required)
Replied On Apr 10th 2008:
We can ban you. That means we can stop you from posting.
►LordBaphomet (Original Poster) (Banned)
Replied On Apr 10th 2008:
You can't hurteth me! I am Baphomet! I am emmortal! I am INVINSABLE! I'LL [Mod: Enough.]
User has been banned for this post: Thank you for that vivid imagery of what you think you'd do to a certain relation of mine. Enjoy your six month ban.
►BadSamurai
Replied On Apr 10th 2008:
Nice. Got him. Not eager to see that weirdo any time soon.
►ghost_salsa
Replied On Apr 10th 2008:
thank goodness. thta was painful to watch.
►Cirque du Glacias
Replied On Apr 10th 2008:
Praise the mods!
►CatKit (Moderator: Boston) (Assembly required)
Replied On Apr 10th 2008:
Just doing the job. Not like we actually WANT to ban anyone.
@Tin_Mother, that said, you didn't have to humour him.
►Eli Stanse
Replied On Apr 10th 2008:
Normally when people get banned, there's at least a bit of controversy about whether they should be banned or not. You know, friends who pick sides and all that. I've never seen anything this one-sided.
Be honest Cat, you kinda did want to ban this guy, right?
►Tin_Mother (Global Moderator)
Replied On Apr 10th 2008:
@CatKit I wanted to leave my options open before jumping to a conclusion over a new user who didn't start with copy-and-pasted spam. Disappointing, but I can move on.
►CatKit (Moderator: Boston) (Assembly required)
Replied On Apr 10th 2008:
Okay, fine, yes. THIS time. usually, we only do it when we have to, though. But this was such a parade of broken rules, I'll admit it felt a little personal.
►TheBaphomet (Banned)
Replied On Apr 10th 2008:
HA! What areyou gonna do NOW you [Mod: I'll do this.]
User has been banned for this post: Sockpuppeting, or otherwise making a second account to evade a ban is against the rules, and as we have just demonstrated, these can be enforced, whether you care or not.
►BadSamurai
Replied On Apr 10th 2008:
Oh my god, he can't be serious. WTF!
►ThegrateBaphomet (Banned)
Replied On Apr 10th 2008:
This post has been deleted.
User has been banned for this post: Did you think you'd get away with it by waiting ten minutes?
►RealBaphomet (Original Poster) (Banned)
Replied On Apr 10th 2008:
This post has been deleted.
User has been banned for this post: Or by waiting an hour?
End of Page. 1, 2, 3, 4
(Showing page 4 of 4)
► DoubleCrit!
Replied On Apr 10th 2008:
Here he is again. Does he not learn, or is he just that aggressive?
►Promethiac
Replied On Apr 10th 2008:
Both, plus he's just an asshole. Don't censor yourself for something you'd scrape off your boot not just because it's disgusting, but because it doesn't deserve the honor.
►TheREALBaphomet (Banned)
Replied On Apr 10th 2008:
This post has been deleted.
User has been banned for this post: Really?
►LeaveYouInStitches
Replied On Apr 10th 2008:
Oh, wow... Well! Mistakes were made.
►XxTheREALBaphometxX (Banned)
Replied On Apr 10th 2008:
This post has been deleted.
User has been banned for this post: I can do this all day.
►CatKit (Moderator: Boston) (Assembly required)
Replied On Apr 10th 2008:
This thread has been locked.
End of Page. 1, 2, 3, 4
■
April 13th, 2008
“Hey, Uncle Blasto,” Riley arrived in the lab as he finished converting a DNA sequence to binary. “Where do we keep the caffeine?”
“Good morning to you, too, Splicer,” said Rotten Apple with a wan smile. “Though if there’s anything we’ve learned since meeting you, it’s that you probably shouldn’t be allowed anywhere near the stimulants.”
“Even sugar makes you hard to handle,” Blasto agreed. “I’m not letting you have coffee.”
“Oh, it’s not for me. And I don’t mean coffee, either. I need actual, straight caffeine,” Riley gave them her most angelic smile, hoping that they’d see it the way it was intended and not as an invitation to madness.
Look, it wasn’t her fault that some of her ideas were wild, crazy, and hyperbolic.
“I’m almost afraid to ask,” muttered Blasto.
“I’ve put a bright light in front of Jack the Zebra, and every time he blinks, my apparatus will inject one milligram of caffeine directly into his bloodstream. I want to see how long he can stay awake before he develops a heart condition and needs a new one. Jack Slash heart palpitations, let’s do this! Woohoo!”
See? Perfectly sane and well-adjusted!
June 1st, 2008
“Oh no…” she stared at the mostly monochrome fuzzball. “Okay, I give up, what kind of horrible thing does it do? It looks like a completely normal giant panda cub to me and I don’t want to get blindsided when it spits acidic blood from its eyes.”
“I’m glad you asked! The answer … is that he sells at a premium! This is as big as he gets, and I’ve added in some dog brain to make domestication and training easier. Do you have any idea how much money people will spend to own exotic pets without having to deal with the EPA or Greenpeace? Neither do I, but it’s probably a lot! And giant pandas are an endangered species, too, making him even more valuable, and I’ve got dozens of these guys cued up. Are you seeing it, Claire? I’m so much scarier than a regular supervillain now: I’m a businesslady!”
“Okay… but there are no secret diseases? No cybernetics? No lasers? No adaptive biology, or super-extendible claws, or flaming spit?”
“Not for these guys. Do you want a free sample?”
“I think my hands are full with Wumbo already.”
“Who?”
“Emotional Support Wombat. We didn’t mean to name him Wumbo, but Aizen said it, and then the name stuck.”
Riley found herself almost vibrating with excitement.
“You named him Wumbo?!”
“Again; not intentionally.”
“I didn’t know you had a wumbology degree.”
“Please don’t say the line.”
“But you love quoting Blade Runner!”
“That’s totally diff—”
“I wumbo,” Riley interrupted, “you wumbo, he, she, they wumbo! And now a fluffy wombat Wumbos, too! Hooray!”
“So you’re just going to sell these artificial pandas? That’s all?”
“It’s a totally legal business practice! I don’t even sell them directly. PetSmart is the initial customer. I sell them the cubs, people buy them from pet stores, and they can eat just about anything, though since they’re pandas I made them prefer bamboo.”
“I can’t even imagine eating bamboo. How don’t they get splinters in their mouth?”
“Oh, they do, they just don’t really feel them. They have a tough lining on the insides of their mouths and their esophaguses, so the splinters don’t hurt them.
“Anyway, I saved the lasers for a new unit in Blastgerm’s new ground forces. I needed new minions who wouldn’t inevitably betray me. Seagulls are inherently untrustworthy and have a natural impulse to commit deicide.”
“That sounds more paranoid than anything I’ve ever heard come out of anyone’s mouth,” Claire deadpanned.
August 21st, 2008
The evil lab’s phone rang. As opposed to the evil lab’s evil phone. That one was in the lab proper. Blasto picked up.
“You’ve reached Blastgerm Incorporated, and I’d just like to say that if you’re dissatisfied with any of our products, that’s, uh… not our problem. . . . What? . . . . Well, that’s a terribly mean thing to say, and my day is ruined now,” he turned to look at Riley. “It’s for you.”
She bounded over to take the phone.
“Hyello! What’d you say to him?”
“I just said that I could make a better monster than him in holographic CGI,” answered Claire, in a significantly better mood than she’d been in the last time they’d talked for some reason.
“In his defense, it’s way easier to animate a giant monster than it is to actually grow it from a cell culture that doesn’t exist until you manufacture it.”
“That’s fair, I guess, but his gigaraptor killed six Ambassador grunts and two civilians, and still managed to die of heart failure before the Protectorate could even arrive.
“What?! He never told me that part! I told him that gigaraptor wasn’t ready but he wouldn’t listen to me!”
Blasto’s eyes widened, and then he scurried out of the room like a spooked ferret.
She was going to have to have a talk with Uncle Blasto later about not rushing through incubation. She knew giga’s heart was underdeveloped. Blasto’s creations didn’t always grow naturally, so letting something out of the tube early was always a serous risk. To be fair, he usually didn’t do that, but he was kinda loopy that day.
“Anyway, I’m not calling to talk about that.”
Riley waited for Claire to elaborate, but she didn’t.
“Aren’t you going to ask?” she added.
“I thought you were going to tell me,” said Riley.
“Oh. Okay, then. Guess who’s one third of an officially licensed independent hero team?”
Riley gasped. She didn’t like the new third member because she seemed kind of standoffish, but that didn’t matter too much when it came to the performative nature of caping. So she gave her honest opinion, as she always did, whether it was wanted or not.
“Woohoo! The Sentinels had gone official?” Riley shouted. “That’s totally awesome! I’ll cook up a giant snake just for you guys to slay!”
“Umm, could you maybe not do that?”
“But that way when you debut and the merch wagon starts up, you can have a fifty-foot long ophidian villain to slay!”
“I wasn’t very enthusiastic about being covered in evil bear blood that one time.”
“What if I made it a for-real dragon instead?”
“Then there would be massive civilian casualties.”
Yeah, civilian casualties were bad. Claire had really drilled that in when she took away her TV privileges for a whole month the first time she made a zombie virus. It didn’t stop her from making more, but it did convince her not to talk about them and to keep them locked up really well.
Man, Plague Woman had been really determined to have gotten around three separate locks, the incredibly lethal poison needle that sprung out no matter who opened the box or how they did it, and her guard seagull. Especially the guard seagull. He was always angry from being locked in a box without any air holes. Not that he needed to breathe. He produced his own oxygen. On the other hand, maybe it was naïve to think that a poison needle would stop someone who used to drink toxic organic substances for fun before she was
“You aren’t planning on making a dragon, right?”
“Umm… not anymore?”
“All I can ask for at this point. What about the snake?”
“Fiiiine, I’ll shorten him to fifteen feet.”
“I’d really rather you didn’t,” Claire urged. “make the snake, I mean, not shortening it.”
“But if I do, I can buy an opheodrys vernalis and put your action figures in his terrarium! Think of the merch! The merch, Sylvan! Ooh! And I could get royalties on the snake figure, but Blasto would have to name him because every time I try to name things I come up with something like Bone Stuff tee emm.”
That got a laugh out of Claire, which was good because that meant that Riley was off the hook. Probably?
“I want to say ‘never change,’ but honestly, I do wish you’d stop making monsters.”
“And I wish you’d ditch Shinobi because she’s shifty and I think her eyes are scary, but she’s also made the Sentinels more than two pals and a wombat, which is more important to me than you’d expect, so I guess we’ll both just have to move on.”
September 28th, 2008
“No!”
“Just give it a chance!”
“I’m not going anywhere near it!”
“It’s heartwarming!”
“Claire, I am a sociopath, and the mere suggestion that anyone could create something like that provoked a visceral emotional response in my cerebral cortex that I was easily able to identify. And that emotion was terror!”
“Some background info:” said Riley to her audience.
Riley had been reading comics lately. Mostly Calvin & Hobbes, because that was objectively the best comic strip ever written, and Riley would make Jack the Zebra fight anyone who disagreed to the death, armed with only a spoon.
She was also, however, reading Peanuts, which is how she was sitting on the couch, ignoring Jeremy the Cussing Goat, and enjoying an early strip about the importance of folding over the bread instead of cutting it, when Rotten Apple walked by, took one look and scoffed.
“What’s the matter? It’s an American classic!” said Riley.
“Classic? A pushover, a snobby girl, and the most annoying dog to ever tarnish their species’ reputation? Give me a break.”
That was both the first and last straw. Lauren had called Snoopy annoying. Dems wuz fightin’ woids. Riley got up off the couch and spent the better part of four days balancing hormone production, testing chemicals, reading up on safety regulations and how much caffeine could really be injected directly into the bloodstream before surprise heart failure, and of course, playing with prions. Another four days of working with these things, and she left her lab looking sleep deprived but victorious! In her left hand was a vaccine. In her right was a cure. And in her other right— uh oh. She was having another one of those weird hallucinations where she thought she was Lakshmi, wasn’t she? Or maybe was she just falling over?
She woke up on the floor with a minor stab wound twelve hours later and decided that it was probably the latter.
Anyway, after disinfecting both of her needles, she went over to Claire’s apartment because Claire trusted her more than Lauren.
The older tinker answered the door wearing a t-shirt and a pair of black leather pants that cursory examination revealed to be replicas of Han Solo’s in A New Hope.
“Claire, do you like Snoopy?” Riley asked.
“Not how I usually greet someone when I knock on their front door, but okay…? Sure, yeah. Who doesn’t?”
“Rotten Apple. Anyway—“ she injected Claire with the vaccine.
“OW! Goddammit, Riley, you go months without doing that and I finally let down my guard, and you immediately give me another shot. This has to stop.”
“Look, it’s just a precaution to make sure that if a terrible accident with statistically unlikely consequences happens, you won’t blame Snoopy for it.”
It took Riley a moment of staring at Claire’s blank expression to register that what she said had only made sense grammatically.
“I really don’t think there was ever a danger of that happening. And the only reason I’m not reporting you for creating a preemptive mastering injection is because the requirements for them to take effect are so statistically unlikely that I can’t imagine that they’d ever happen.”
Ohhhh yeah… this was a mastering ability, wasn’t it? She hadn’t thought of that… meh, whatever, Lauren insulted Snoopy, she earned it.
“You know it’s kind of a coincidence that you made something involving Snoopy since Aizen just showed me this heartrending fanfiction about his life, Like, it was literally called The Life And Times of Snoopy The Dog.”
Aww, that sounded adorable, though the fact that it was fanfiction immediately made her suspicious.
“Does the quality hold up to the Hardy Boys?”
“Not really. Didn’t have an editor. It was heartwarming, even if it was sad.”
That was funny.
“Why would a story based on Peanuts be sad?”
Claire told her.
“Huh?”
She needed a minute to process that information.
Loading.
Loading. .
Loading. . .
Okay, she had a calm and reasonable response to the sounds she just heard coming from Claire’s face.
…ahem…
…
“They killed Snoopy?!” she shrieked, recoiling in what was definitely horror. “What kind of anti-lagomorphic maniac would DO that?!”
“What?! No! No one killed Snoopy! The fic is both a coming-of-age story for Charlie Brown from Snoopy’s perspective, while he learns what it means to grow up faster than all his friends. He still has a long and happy life. Also, isn’t a lagomorph a rabbit, or something?”
“Yes, but that’s not important. It’s still wrong! Like, fundamentally!”
“The last chapters are just about his battle with cancer and arthritis while doing his best to spend as much time with the adults he used to spend so much time with when they were kids.”
“Arthritis?! They stole dancing from Snoopy?!” she recoiled further.
“No, he could still dance,” Claire assured her.
“But Snoopy still dies at the end,” said Riley with what was probably a wild-eyed expression.
“Well, yeah, but…“
“Holy moly, that’s like saving the Xenomorph from Ripley at the end of Alien!” Riley objected.
In all fairness, Riley absolutely would save the Xenomorph from Ripley. It didn’t kill Riley’s friends, and taking preventative measures in case of escape were a lot safer when you were on a planet with an atmosphere and piercing its hide was a lot less likely to result in non-consensual explosive decompression. Granted, it’d still be very dangerous. As tough as she was, Riley’s subdermal mesh wouldn’t protect her from the infamous ‘head-bite’ attack. Not when most of the attacker’s head was a giant piston. Nope. No sir. That’d be crazy lethal.
Claire disagreed though.
“The heartbreak is why the story is good, though. It means that it took an already culturally relevant comic strip and made it meaningful in a different way.”
“Yes, by having the dog die at the end!” Riley rebutted. “Stories where the dog dies at the end are bad stories!”
What? It was a well-known fact.
“It’s not like it’s canon,” Claire tried to assure her.
“But you’re still trying to get me to read it!”
“You should give it a try, at least.”
“And that’s where you came in, earlier," said Riley.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about, or how you got in here!" groaned Shinobi, still half-under her comforter cover.
“I know! It’s great, right?"
“Fuck, 2:33?!” Shinobi waved her hand at her alarm clock. Riley had to agree that she was out long past her bedtime. Good girls went to bed at a reasonable hour, after all, but she was on a schedule here.
“No!”
“Just give it a chance!”
“I’m not going anywhere near it!”
“It’s heartwarming!”
“Claire, I am a sociopath, and the mere suggestion that anyone could create something like that provoked a visceral emotional response in my cerebral cortex that I was easily able to identify. And that emotion was terror!”
Claire sighed, shaking her head.
“Don’t I at least get some sort of retribution for getting stabbed with a Snoopy appreciation drug?”
“No, it was for your own good!” said Riley, running across the room, opening up Claire’s bedroom window, and as she had done many times before, hopped out onto Spider Newt’s back, who scooted down the side of the house with practiced ease and lack of concern for panicking onlookers. The neighbors were used to his sudden, brief, and startling-but-ultimately-harmless appearances.
Anyway, the vaccine probably worked, so she was going to use the cure on Lauren, now.