Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Samuel.

Go fuck yourself you fucking twat. When I heard you were dead I was happy. I was finally free of you. You’ve only ever dragged me down and I see that now. While you were gone, I realised how much better my life is without you. I've spent years somehow tethered to the anchor that is you. I want nothing more to do with you, you asshole.

You’re a bigger fool than I thought if you’d think I would ever retire with you. Never, in a million years. You fucking selfish idiot wanker. Just because you can’t hack it anymore doesn't mean I'm ready to lay down and give up.

You should have stayed dead. To me, you are. I never want to see or hear from you again. If this is the last contact we have then the better.

Fuck you.

Israel

Chapter Text

Izzy is grilling the crew on the deck chores and shouting orders as the rest of them move about their tasks, slowly, but they’re doing it. Izzy feels like he must be missing something, but they seem to be getting everything done correctly. There’s no way they got it all.

“The stores?” he demands of Roach.

“Inventoried,” comes the response.

“The deck?”

“Swabbed,” shouts Archie holding a mop.

“The loot?”

“Tallied,” says Lucius.

“The route?”

“Planned and cross-checked!” says Frenchie.

“You know, Izzy, sometimes you just gotta relax,” says Fang, coiling some rope.

“Yeah, it’s time to show some trust, man,” says Jim.

Izzy narrows one eye in suspicion but has to agree that everything does seem in order. Maybe this crew has finally found their track.

“Ahoy,” comes from the wheel. "The Anne is to starboard," calls out Buttons.

"The Anne? With that old fuck Williams?" asks Edward.

"Is Williams still sailing? After everything?" Izzy looks disheartened but still interested.

Stede breaks in, "Yes, but I heard Black Bellamy's old fleet is back working together again with a new leader now, a Captain Hood!"

Izzy scoffs. "What a tosser! Some idiot, no doubt trying to bank on Bellamy's reputation! And the stupid part of his reputation at that."

"Oh fuck." It floods back to Edward what he's done. He'd forgotten in the heat of the moment. It seemed so silly, like something that would come to light soon enough anyway. Just a small dig, just a delay in Izzy learning the truth. Sam didn't generally take no for an answer and Ed expected he'd show up sooner rather than later.

Izzy had already gotten over Sam's death, as much as was reasonable anyway, and Ed couldn't handle him leaving right after Stede. He thought that rumors of Sam would come through eventually.

Ed thought it would just slow things down or maybe even lead to them actually breaking up for real. He didn't expect Izzy to just never find out that Sam was still alive. But Black Bellamy never made a comeback and after a certain point, Ed just assumed that Izzy understood the rumors of Captain Hood were about Bellamy and had made his choice. Being on a ship made more sense than retirement for Izzy. But of course Izzy wouldn't clue in if he still thought Sam was dead. Ed hadn't actually spent any time thinking about it consciously and, fuck, Izzy might actually kill him for this.

"Oh fuck. I never told you."

"Never told me what, Edward?" Izzy does not understand what's happening, but Edward doesn't feel visible regret very damn often, and it's terrifying. What has he done that he actually feels bad about?

"It happened when Stede was gone, and I wasn't in my right mind, and I never meant to keep it from you for this long, but it got away from me. I don't really remember a lot of that time. I'm sorry, you know I'm sorry about your leg, I'm sorry about this too. I honestly didn't intend for it to be any sort of big secret, I—"

"Edward. You're babbling nonsense."

"Yes, darling, what is it you're trying to say?" asks Stede.

"Sam is alive." The crew has started to gather around the scene. Izzy doesn’t even see them, he simply stares at Edward without fully comprehending what's just been said.

"Sam Bellamy is dead," states Izzy, plainly.

"Sam is, he's most likely Captain Hood, from the rumors I've heard."

"Samuel Bellamy went down at sea a year ago. If he were alive, he would have sent word."

"Izzy, I'm so sorry. After a certain point, I just forgot you didn't know."

"He sent word and you... kept it from me?"

"I never thought it would go this far! I wasn't even trying to keep it from you, I just forgot that I was the only one who knew."

"You knew he was alive and you never thought to tell me!? No. He's dead. You're wrong. He would have come to find me."

"In the heat of the moment, I may have sent back a nasty letter. Again, I thought it would all come out much quicker! I thought he would show up anyway!"

Izzy feels like his brain is sparking like wet twigs in a fire. There's no way any of this is possible. Edward has always played up his cruelty, but he's never been a monster. Izzy doesn't know how he can stand to look him in the eyes, but he can't tear his gaze away.

“I think I hoped he would come and kill me. Or that you would be so angry that you would leave with him so I couldn't keep hurting you. I don't know what I thought."

Izzy's thoughts are a jumble. He wants to cut Edward down but he knows he's not in the right state to fight anyone. He's still reeling from the idea that the man he loved—the man he mourned—might still be alive.

No one speaks. Edward looks like he's tensing for a fight, but also like he's not in the spirit to win. Stede's never seen him like this. He's seen him angry. He's seen him peaceful. He's never seen him ready to lose.

Stede speaks up, "Perhaps we should hail them?"

Ed and Izzy don't stop staring at each other but Fang nods at Oluwande who goes to run up the flag.

The Revenge sides up along the Anne, matching their speed. 

"Sam Bellamy, we need to talk!" shouts Stede over the water. Fang has pointed out a figure in a giant hat.

“There’s no Sam Bellamy, I am Captain Robert Hood!”

“We need to talk to you about something important. It’s about Israel Hands," pleads Stede.

There’s a noticeable start from Bellamy. “If we had known this was Blackbeard’s ship, we wouldn’t have slowed.” Sam glances with disgust at the flag flying on the Revenge. “Leave us be and we shall let you sail on without lighting the cannons."

"Izzy never got your letter. He didn't know you were alive."

"Israel made it very clear he wanted nothing to do with me."

"It wasn't him! Blackbeard sent you that message but he never told Izzy."

"Izzy could have come found me himself."

"He still thought you were dead! He didn't know 'til thirty minutes ago!"

"That's not possible."

"Blackbeard never told him. Think about it. You're going by a different name. He hadn't heard anything from you or your crew. He never got your letter. Come over and talk to him. We mean you no harm."

"Who the hell are you anyway?"

Izzy is watching from a window as Stede tries to explain the situation without things escalating to a battle, but he's itching to talk to Sam. To confirm with his own eyes and hands that this man is really there in the flesh. Blackbeard has impressed upon all of them the nature of his vitriolic letter and how Bellamy is unlikely to consider them friendlies, so they are all taking this cautiously.

Izzy can't wait any longer, can't do what he agreed. He exits the cabin to get a better look. He's not sure what his face is doing but he's sure he looks a fool. He can feel tears on his cheeks but he can't seem to walk anymore.

"Israel," Sam speaks. Did he really not know?

Izzy opens his mouth but nothing comes out.

"Your leg!" Sam exclaims when he sees the wooden limb.

Izzy just shakes his head; that's not important now. Sam is alive, in front of him.

Sam takes a step toward him along the railing, Stede forgotten. Fuck but he misses this man.

Izzy swallows hard but still no words come up.

"Slow the ship," Sam calls out to his crew. "We shall board."

Everyone is hesitant to do or say anything. There are very few crew members on deck so as not to be threatening and Blackbeard has even remained in his cabin for now. Sam and a few crewmates have come over and the air is tense with energy. Izzy recognizes a few of them, but he can't tear his eyes off of Sam. He’s taken his ridiculous hat off and his long hair is tied back as usual.

Izzy slowly moves closer to him, studying his face. The goatee is slightly different from when Izzy last saw him, but everything else is the same. "It really is you. You're not some ghost or trick are you?"

"Israel. You really didn't know?"

Izzy directs them to a private room below deck and everyone else watches with curiosity. Izzy paces the small space.

"You thought I left you? Through a letter written by someone else?" Izzy asks.

Sam is also too tightly strung to sit down. "It sounded like you when you’re angry. It looked like your signature! How could you not come find me!"

"Why would you not come in person!"

"The letter was very clear! You didn't want anything to do with me! It was quite insulting." Sam crosses his arms.

"I think Edward was trying to start a fight. I don't think he expected you'd respect the decision."

"I always wanted you to be happy. If you couldn't see that with me, then that was your loss. I wouldn't fight for someone who doesn't want me."

"I do want you!” Izzy steps closer. “I never stopped wanting you! I've missed you like a palm tree desperate for rain! I grieved you."

"That’s poetic,” Sam comments casually. His arms fall uncrossed. “You still want me? After everything you said?"

"Of course! I never said any of what you read, I don't even know what it was!"

"I just. I don't know how to pick apart what is real and what was never you."

"What's real is that I thought you were dead but I never stopped loving you. If I'd seen your letter back then, I would have gone to you in a second."

Sam can see it in Izzy's face that it's true. He's known it from the first time they met eyes. All of this seemed too fucked up to be real from the start, and now he wishes he'd gotten to the bottom of it back then. Wishes he hadn't been such a coward. He shifts at an angle to Izzy, his fists tight at his sides.

"It's more complicated now. It's been a year. A year where I thought you'd moved on, where I thought you hated me. The letter was quite vicious."

Sam is hesitating at something. Izzy can tell.

"What are you saying."

"I met someone," Sam spits out.

Izzy's stomach sinks through the floor. Of course. Of course this can't work out. Why would anything work out for him. This is just another thing for the universe to taunt him with. Sam Bellamy miraculously comes back from the dead but Izzy still can't have him.

Sam watches Izzy retreat inside himself but he doesn't know how to fix it. He has to tell him the truth.

He stumbles, "It's... my wife. She's really very nice... I think you'd get along, maybe under better circumstances..."

Izzy looks at him in shock.

"She found me after the ship wreck."

Izzy's hackles raise immediately.

"Nothing happened then! I told her I had you. She... She knows everything about you. I told her everything. I didn't want her to get her hopes up. So I talked about you non-stop. But she was so kind and she listened to every soppy thing I said. She even tried to defend you after your letter!” Sam moves closer to Izzy and almost grabs him by the shoulders but it feels… awkward. "I came back to her after I got it. I was so upset. I thought she would understand. When she said it didn't seem right, I thought she was naive. Or that I'd only given her the rosy version of you. I guess I should have listened to her. She said it sounded like there was a misunderstanding, and that I should go talk with you. But I was too upset. I just figured it was what I'd always feared—that Blackbeard had gotten inside your head finally.

“I couldn’t handle the idea of hearing it from you face to face.”

“What did it fucking say?”

“There was a lot of swearing, a lot of wishing I was dead. You called me a has-been for wanting to retire with you. And that your life was better without me. Said you never wanted to see me again.”

“You asked me to retire with you?”

Sam looks up at Izzy nervously. Izzy’s face is open in a way that’s breaking Sam’s heart all over again.

“Yeah. Yeah, that’s what my letter said. That I was alive. That I was sorry it had taken so long to get news to you because I was in hiding while I recovered. I wasn’t strong enough to be out at sea for a long while. But I had time to think about it and, since everyone already thought I was dead, I thought it might be a good opportunity to get away from it all. With you.”

“Ed knew I would have said yes. Especially then. Ed was… at his worst. We all were.”

“I wish I’d been there for you.”

“Well. You were dead.”

“I should have come anyways. I should have listened to—” Sam cuts himself off, but Izzy knows how that sentence ends. How did this fucking get screwed up so completely? Sam has someone else now.

Izzy is staring into middle distance now. This room is suffocating.

"This woman. You love her?"

Sam nods slowly.

"Then I guess we're done here." Izzy stands up to leave.

"No, wait—"

"Are you going to leave her?"

"That's not fair, this is too fast."

Izzy is already at the door.

"Look, I need to talk to you more."

"About what? You've moved on. We're finished." Izzy can't let his heart keep rising. This is going to be the end of him. If losing Sam the first time didn't kill him, getting him back only to not have him will do it. 

"We don't have to be!" Sam shouts. The volume is enough to make Izzy look at him again. "Just give me a second to think, goddammit!"

Izzy is out the door. He thinks he might walk off the deck. What's one more try? The man he loves is alive and yet further from him than ever. The one he trusted the most betrayed him more than he could have ever imagined. And there's no one left that he cares about. That's it then.

He's over the edge before anyone realises what's happening.

He doesn't move even as the shock of the cool water hits him. He breathes out, trying to sink further than he can rise once his body starts fighting back.

The water is good. It feels clean. Izzy doesn't want to breathe in—he knows he'll start panicking and kick for the surface. It's darker the deeper he sinks. His lungs are aching. There's a shadow above him and Izzy pushes deeper. The pressure stabs at his ears. His chest inhales involuntarily and now he's drowning. That awful feeling of seawater flushing into his lungs, his chest spasming trying to cough with no air.

He thought you were supposed to see your life flash before your eyes when you drowned, not just the one you loved.

Sam is going to kill Edward. Izzy has coughed up gallons of water on deck and seems barely conscious. Ed is as wet as the two of them, having jumped in after Sam. Too little, too late; how typical of Blackbeard.

Sam is going to murder him as soon as he's sure Izzy is okay.

Roach is listening to Izzy's chest after getting three of the men to hang him upside down until Izzy shouted at them to put him down.

"Well if he can yell, he must be doing better. We might still want to let some blood," suggests Roach.

"Would you leave me alone!" Izzy swings his arms at the crew hovering too close. Izzy meets Sam's eyes as he glances around. He looks down. He doesn't know what to think. This feels idiotic. But at least he doesn't want to die anymore.

"We are less than one day from Grenada. Please alter course, Boodhari," he says.

Stede looks at him, "Why Grenada?"

Izzy gives him the familiar expression that usually means it should be obvious to any pirate worth his salt. It's the nearest port and he's getting off.

No one says anything.

Sam lunges at Edward, sword drawn.

They're both slowed from being soaked through but their skill shines regardless. Everyone is staring in rapt attention as their blades cross. Izzy rolls his eyes and walks to the railing again. He doesn't want to drown anymore. But he's not staying and watching this.

He calmly takes off his pistol and his sword belt, his vest and shoes before he dives in this time, and he surfaces to float on his back. The waves are tame today and he stares at the clouds. The coolness of the water is refreshing in the unrelenting Caribbean sun. He wishes he could wash all of this away. Just float to Grenada by himself. 

There's still yelling and there are scuffling sounds from up on deck. If one of them survives, he'll deal with it then. Maybe they'll both kill each other. That would solve some problems. With waves lapping at his face, he turns his head to look at Sam's boat waiting nearby.

For a long time, he'd thought he would sail on the Anne one day. She's a fine ship. Sam always took good care of her and so did the captains in his fleet. But Sam was always looking for something new, something better. Always wanting to trade up. The grand Whydah Gally was his death. The death of an entire crew. Izzy had checked the records zealously for months but only two ever showed up alive.

Sam left him right before Izzy needed him the most. He hadn't been ready to leave Blackbeard a year ago, but every month since then he's only wished more that he went when he had the chance. If Sam had been around when Ed met Bonnet, Izzy's life would have been much simpler, that's for sure.

Even now, with things more calmed down, it's all still far from ideal. Beggars and choosers and all that.

Izzy hears shouting of a different sort up on deck and he twists to see the crew looking down at him in confusion.

He waves up.

Sam is as white as a ghost and Edward looks ill. They start yelling at each other again and Izzy closes his eyes and dips below the surface to get away from the noise. Would one of them just kill the other already so he doesn't have to keep dealing with this? As he rises above the surface of the water again, he is in time to see two bodies splash into the water. He starts to swim back to the ladder. They can catch up. He doesn't need rescuing this time. He's already a few steps up when they start yelling at him.

"What the hell Izzy!"

"I just saved you!"

"The conditions on board left something to be desired." Izzy hasn't stopped climbing.

"It's bad for your health to go swimming for thirty minutes after drowning," says Wee John over the railing. He gets an elbow in the ribs. 

"That's after eating," says Frenchie.

"Prob’ly not great after drowning, too," mumbles Wee John.

Izzy reaches the top and ignores all of them to grab his things and walk to his cabin. That's enough of being everyone's entertainment for the day. Ed and Sam are scrambling over the railing behind him, but he doesn't want to deal with either of them.

He locks the door behind him and starts peeling off wet clothes. He should have grabbed a bucket of fresh water. This is going to be itchy when the salt dries.

He can hear arguing coming down the hall.

"If either of you disturbs me again today, you're going to find yourself in the drink again."

There's some angry whispering but it silences when Izzy throws a book at the door. 

What the fuck. What the hell has Edward done? What was he thinking? And Sam, the smartest man Izzy knows, just believed him? This is a nightmare.

Izzy has toweled off and hung up his clothes. The hallway has quietened. Fuck, maybe he can sneak to the storerooms for some water in a bit without anyone noticing.

"Izzy." 

That's Jim's voice. "Yes?"

"I brought you some clean water. If you want it. I'm the only one out here."

Izzy wraps the towel around his waist to grab the bucket and cloth. "Thank you." 

"One of Bellamy's crew convinced him that killing Blackbeard when greatly outnumbered maybe wasn't worth it, no matter how much of a dick he is, and so he went back to his own ship. They haven't gone far though."

"Ahh yes. Williams always was good at taking sense into Sam."

"Stede's ah, held Blackbeard back from opening fire as well."

"Good. We'd lose."

"Yeah. Um, sorry man. This seems like a mess. I mean, they both tried to save you a couple times, so at least they care? Let us know if you need anything. Or like, want to talk about it."

"Thanks." Izzy feels like he should say more but he doesn't have the words. He awkwardly closes the door to slump on his cot. This day just keeps getting weirder.

His thoughts swirl with stress dreams of drowning, only to be pulled up by the skeleton of Sam, or a vicious Ed pushing him back under.

You're dead, you're back, I'll love you forever, you're married to another... Izzy can't keep up.

Chapter Text

Izzy’s an early riser anyway, and he wakes uneasily before dawn. The ship is still silent. He dresses in clean clothes and slips softly upstairs. The stars in the last lilac of the twilight air are showing that they're headed in the direction he wanted, and he sighs in relief. At least he'll be able to get off this circus today. The Anne is a mile or so behind them, on the same course. Archie and Black Pete are on lazily on watch, and Izzy drops back to the kitchen to make some coffee and ruminate.

He's hungry, he didn't really have dinner yesterday, but thankfully he has a key for the storerooms. He rips an orange apart as the coffee brews and chews on some sort of sweet bun. Roach will be down here soon, he's consistently up at dawn. Izzy thinks he has a little time left to himself.

So Sam is alive.

And Ed lied about it and kept it from him. For months! But more out of idiocy than malice. But it was still unconscionably cruel.

And Sam is married now.

What the fuck. That was fast.

Izzy needs to get off of this ship. Needs to get away from Ed. But he can't go with Sam. He can probably wait in Grenada until he can pick up passage on any ship, a merchant, a privateer. 

Izzy slams a hand down on the table.

That's not important—the practical details aren't important. Izzy keeps trying to solve the wrong problem.

The problem is what to do about Sam. What can he do? Sam's made his choice. Although Sam seemed to think there might still be a way...

No! Izzy is not breaking up someone else's marriage. Even if he was there first. He's not that type of man. And he's certainly not going to be an affair or some only-at-sea-type thing. He has more self-respect than that. 

So all Izzy has to do is come to terms with all of it. Sam is alive. And he's out of reach forever. 

Fuuuuck!

Izzy starts to hear activity stirring in the ship and he pours the coffee, drinking it while it's still far too hot.

And Ed's a bastard.

That one, of course. God damn though. How is he supposed to deal with Edward now? Izzy believes that Ed was in a state when he wrote to Sam and then just fucking forgot as much of that time as he could, but that's just as bad. Not even remembering ruining Izzy's chance at the last person who cared about him because of jealousy and rage?

Sam being alive should have been a joy. Instead Ed has thoroughly destroyed it.

Ivan and Lucius arrive first to the galley. They're both pleased that coffee is already on, Ivan particularly since he knows Izzy makes it well.

Izzy stands to leave but they both crowd around him.

"Hey, Izz," Lucius whines.

"Yes, Lucius?"

"I just wanted to ask how you're doing?"

Ivan has a concerned look on his face as well. Izzy's hesitation is enough to get Lucius to push him back into his seat.

"Sooooo, you and the infamous Black Sam Bellamy, hey?"

"The, until recently, dead Black Sam Bellamy."

"Yeah. That sounds like a trip. How are you holding up?"

"Oh well. You know, the person I thought was dead is not. The person I thought I trusted lied to me about it. And now, because of that lie, the man who's miraculously alive is also married, and so yeah, it's all pretty fucked."

Lucius puts his arms around Izzy's shoulders.

"Izzy. I'm sorry. We all thought he was dead. The old crew that is," Ivan starts.

"Yeah. I know. This has 'Edward Fuckup' written all over it."

"Are you going to go with him?" asks Ivan.

"Why would I? He's taken now."

Ivan and Lucius look at each other.

"I mean. That was before all of this," Lucius says.

Izzy dead stares them back.

"So, are you staying on the Revenge then?" Lucius asks.

"No." Izzy thinks he's had enough of this. He stands up and clears his throat. "I have work to do."

“You should maybe… talk to Pete.” Lucius adds before Izzy walks out.

Izzy grunts in response. It’s not the worst idea.

Black Pete thought Lucius was dead. Not for as long, but still. It might be worth talking to him. Izzy catches him as he finishes his shift.

“Black Pete, do you have a minute.”

Pete looks around as if trying to figure out what he’s in trouble for. “Yeees?”

Izzy squints at the confused answer and then jerks his head to the side and sighs. “This way.” He can hear Pete scrambling to follow him.

Izzy stands in the munitions room and leans against one of the barrels. Pete swallows loudly.

“Um, I want you to know that your chore schedule has been working really well—”

“You’re not in trouble.”

“Oh thank god! I swear, I’ve really been working hard lately!”

“Yes, yes, alright. I wanted to ask you…” Izzy trails off.

Pete shuffles on his feet at the pause. He starts nervously babbling again. “I, ah, I had some new ideas for the cannons actually. I used to be the master gunner on my last ship, perfect aim, you know—”

“Please shut up.”

Pete shuts up.

“Look. How did you deal with it when you found out Lucius was still alive?”

“Oh. Um. I was so happy. It didn’t feel real. It um, it still doesn’t sometimes. I wake up thinking he’s still dead, but then he’s right there. I’ve, you know, lost people before. And there’s so many I would do anything to get back. With Lucius, I feel like I got a second chance. Even if it’s not the same as it used to be. It feels like more than I deserve.”

Pete realises that Izzy is just looking at him. He’s not sure what to say next.  “I mean, how do you feel? I know it’s a bit different ’cus, um, Bellamy’s like married now, or whatever?” Pete asks.

He’s right. Izzy would have given anything to bring Sam back from the dead and now he’s here. Why is he quibbling over the details? It’s not the same as it was. It will never be the same. But who’s to say things wouldn’t have changed anyway?

“Do you um, still love him?” Pete tries again.

Izzy looks up.

“Sorry, maybe that was a bit personal.”

“No, it’s not that. I mean, I do. It’s just not how I expected things to be.”

“Yeah, I guess for me, everything was already super up in the air. My life was pretty fucked up before I met Lucius. So he kind of was my stability. But for you, you’ve kind of had the same life for decades, right? So all this has kind of gone to shit for you.”

Yeah, his life’s gone to shit alright. And it started when Sam died. And now he’s back. It’s far more than he deserves.

“Alright, go to bed.”

Pete drops his shoulders in relief. “Okay, thank you, I’m exhausted.”

Izzy remains fiddling with his pocket knife in thought. Pete stops in the doorway and hovers for a second until Izzy glances up at him.

“You know, Lucius and I, we’re not the same people we were when we met. It wasn’t easy all the time after everything we went through. But he was worth it. I trusted that even if I didn’t know how things were gonna turn out.”

Izzy tilts his head in consideration. “Thank you, Pete.”

“Yeah, I’m gonna go to sleep now. Good luck, man.”

Sam has been invited to an official apology on the deck of the Revenge, and they've set up an outdoor table with four chairs, knowing that Sam wouldn't agree to be at a disadvantage inside. Sam's brought a few crew members for backup again this time and they all look much more trigger happy than last time.

There's the same blonde man from yesterday sat at the table with Blackbeard and perhaps Sam should have read the documents Paulsgrave left on his desk.

"Look, who the fuck are you, exactly?" Sam is so confused.

"Don't talk to him that way," challenges Ed.

"Who is he!" Sam is not trying to insult anyone but he's terribly confused.

"I am the Gentleman Pirate." Stede clears his throat. "You, um, may have heard of me."

"Oh, the fucker who killed Ned Low!" Sam sits down finally and Paulsgrave follows in the remaining seat. "God, he was a right bastard. Good job on that. How is Hellcat Maggie?"

"Oh she's excellent! She wrote me a letter last week after a very successful raid off Aruba."

"Oh that's so good to hear. I always liked her. Thought she'd go far."

"I had the same impression! You know, she—"

"GENTS," Blackbeard is a little lost at this sudden camaraderie. "Israel?" He prompts.

"Do shut up Teach." Sam turns back to Stede. "So, Stede Bonnet, is it? You're the reason Blackbeard has done such terrible things."

Stede shifts uncomfortably. "Well, it's not like I encouraged this kind of behavior, it's um, we've been working on it. That's why we're able to sit here today!" Stede looks proud but nervous that this whole thing might end in knives. Blackbeard looks rankled to be talked about like a misbehaving child, but he keeps his mouth shut.

"Well then, go on, how do you suggest to fix it?" Sam looks between Stede and Ed. Stede motions a go-ahead to Ed, who sighs and sits up straighter.

"Look, I'm sorry. I never should have done what I did. I didn't think it would go this far, but that's my bad. I screwed it up and I'm sorry."

"An apology doesn't mean shit if Israel won't talk to me, Edward."

"I, uh, I know. Izzy is not talking to me either right now, but I am trying to work on that as well. So I know how you feel."

"You do NOT know how I feel right now, Teach. I'm not even sure you understand human emotions, quite frankly."

"Well how was I supposed to know you were going to get married instead of coming to fight for him!"

"Why were you fucking around in something that has nothing to do with you?" Sam isn't yelling but it feels like he is. "Oh wait, that's the other thing about Blackbeard. You think everyone belongs to you even when you don't care about them. Except for keeping them around to your benefit. Manipulating those around you so they don't leave even when they hate you."

"Izzy didn't hate me... before."

"Izzy has hated you many times over the years. He always thought there was something good in you, something worthwhile, even when I told him he was crazy to stay on your ship. He could have had his own ship a hundred times over. He wanted it from you. Instead, look where that got him. Trusting you is like trusting a scorpion. You can't help but poison everything around you."

Ed is breathing deeply and Stede tries to step in to reel this back a bit.

"What do you want to happen with Izzy?" he asks.

Sam looks back from Edward to Stede and his expression is no longer self-indulgent from watching Ed have to apologise. He looks wracked in thought.

"That's the thing. I don't really know. I don't know what Israel would go for. I can't leave Mariah. I've made a commitment to her. And Izzy and I have been free to see other people in the past..." Sam's dirty look passes quickly over Edward with a curl of his lip, "So I don't know why he thinks it's so final this time."

"I think it's all just a shock. Maybe he wonders why the two of you never tied the knot,” says Stede.

"Not from lack of trying on my part." Sam is staring Edward down again.

"Maybe he thought if you were married, it would be exclusive and now that seems impossible."

Sam hums in response.

"From what I know of Izzy, which is obviously less than you two, he doesn't react well to sudden changes. Especially if he's planned something out for a long time."

Both Sam and Edward grunt in agreement and then glare at each other, unhappy to be in sync.

"Obviously, I want him to come with me. But most of all I want him to be happy. I'll get him his own ship if that's what he wants! He should be free to do what he wants, go where he wants. Even if that's not with me."

Ed looks slightly surprised to hear the last bit. It makes him feel guiltier. He realises he'd assumed Sam would act like him when he got the letter. Would demand to come in person and try to still win. Win Izzy back, win his attention, win the game. But Sam doesn't want to 'win' anything. He just wants Izzy to be happy. Ed's mouth is dry. Fuck, what has he done.

"He can, well, he has enough money to buy his own ship now. When we broke Low's record, we broke your pre-shipwrecked take too. And not very many crew to split it over. We lost some of it in a storm and the bombing of Nassau, but lots more was already stored around the Caribbean. And Izzy's always been good at that. Who knows what else he has stashed? He can do anything he wants." Edward says it with pride but stumbles over the last words. Oh fuck. Izzy is going to leave. Ed can feel his heart beating heavy in his chest. This is so much worse than he thought. Izzy is going to leave and never have to even look back.

Ed looks like he's not breathing properly and Stede is hovering over him. 

Sam turns back to Paulsgrave. "I don't know if that went well or not." He's not even sure if that's a joke or not. Paul smiles anyway and shrugs his shoulders.

They both turn as more of the crew emerges from the stairs. Izzy is there.

"Alright, you." He points at Sam. "Let's talk."

Sam raises his eyebrows hopefully at Paul and follows Izzy into the ship.

Izzy leads them to Stede's library and locks the door. 

"Lovely office," comments Sam.

"It's Stede's. He's just as concerned with all this foppery as you are. You'd probably get along actually. Talk about linens and draperies and shit." Izzy picks at a piece of lace hanging on the back of a chair. He scoffs gently. "Probably one of the reasons I hated him so much at the start. He reminded me of you. That you were gone. Don't think I ever pieced that together before now."

"I'm not here to talk to him."

Izzy really looks at him again but doesn't speak.

"Shall I assume you heard all of that, or should I recap?" Sam asks.

"No, heard it all. So did the entire crew, just so you're aware."

Sam casually lifts one shoulder. "I expected as much. I didn't say anything I would take back." Sam wanders around the room, inspecting the bookshelves. "Teach handled himself better than I expected. Still a piece of shit. But, improved, perhaps. Has he apologised to you yet?"

"Yeah but not for real. I haven't let him talk to me, like he said."

Sam faces Izzy straight on. "I still love you. What are you going to do?"

"Good God. I forgot how direct you are. Stede would have taken an hour to get to the point and Edward would just have demanded something else and then eventually I'd figure out what he actually wanted."

"I'm sorry—I don't mean to push you, I know it's a lot—"

"No, I like it. I missed it. I missed you." Izzy breathes in shakily. "I thought I would never have this again. Have you. My heart hasn't stopped beating a million miles an hour since you stepped foot on deck yesterday." Izzy wraps his arms around Sam.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. If my heart burns itself out on you, it'll be how I want to go."

"Fuck. I didn't forget how romantic you can be." They move to the couch and Izzy swipes a good bottle of brandy off Stede's cabinet.

Sam briefly eyes the cut-crystal tumblers that Izzy has ignored, but Izzy catches it.

"Oh you fucking posh twat. Yes, we can use the glasses if you go grab them."

Sam laughs. It's been too long without this man in his life. He grabs the bottle out of Izzy's hand instead and opens it to take a swig as he sits down.

"I think I'll come with you in the end,” Izzy says. “I just, I don't know how I'll handle being second fiddle to someone else, especially after all this crap with Ed and Stede." Izzy takes a large drink.

"You'll never be second anything to me."

"You say that, but you're married to her. And legally. We can't ever have that. She can give you a family. It's not the same."

"I love you the same. I don't know how to make you believe it but it's true. You know I would have married you years ago. Do you still have the ring I gave you?"

"Yeah it's—yeah I have it." Izzy had dug it out of the bottom of his things last night. It had hurt too much to look at when he'd thought Sam was dead. "Do you still have yours?" Izzy sounds insecure about it.

"Somewhere. I buried in the house somewhere. But I didn't get rid of it. I figured one day it would be a reminder of the good times, not the bad ending."

"Fuck, you're too mature sometimes. If I thought you'd told me to go fuck myself and die, I would have thrown the damn thing to the bottom of the sea." Sam chuckles and takes another drink.

"Good thing I'm familiar with your temper then.”

“How come you didn’t retire with Mariah?” Izzy asks it plainly but he’s nervous about the answer.

“It was different somehow. Without you. I had to keep active. At least for a bit. So I didn’t go crazy. And all the things I’d thought retirement would be with you, weren’t the things it would be with her. Sailing, visiting all our favourite spots, freedom on a boat just for us. Maybe buying a house on an island somewhere. Mariah already has a house up in Cape Cod. And she does want a family, you were right about that. Everything I had planned had to change. I needed to keep busy, while I sorted out a new life. A different future. Now I guess I’m in the same spot again. Everything changing. But we can work it out together.”

“I guess we’ll have to.” Izzy takes a beat. “The fucking American colonies, really?”

“I mean, I have family there.”

“Bullshit. Paulsgrave has family there, you grew up in fucking Hittisleigh, England, not more than 80 miles from where I was born!”

“You’re from Lancashire!” Sam challenges.

“But I was born in Somerset.”

“I did not know that. At any rate, I have some family in New England!”

“Yeah, and have you ever bothered to meet any of them, you fucking pirate? Hell’s bells, it’s fucking freezing there most of the goddamned year!”

“You wear leather every day!”

“Yeah ‘cus I don’t mind being warm. What I dislike is being cold! That’s why I left England in the first place.”

“We could sail south for the winter?”

“And leave the little missus and a baby all alone? Fookin’ Christ. You’ve been back alive for 24 hours and you’re already going to be the death of me.”

“Does that mean… you’d be willing to meet her?” Sam has a small, hopeful smile.

Izzy rolls his eyes. “Yeah. I guess. I mean, you’ve always had better taste in people than I have. Paulsgrave is decent anyway.”

“Aww, I’ll tell him you said you loved him. Even though he’s from Boston.”

“Fuck off.”

 “Baz,” Sam is more serious, “if I ever make you feel like you're second to anything, if you’re unhappy, you have to let me know. Promise me. Don't just stew on it. The worst part of this was thinking that you’d been feeling this way and never said anything. Never gave me a chance to fix it."

“And you promise you will come figure out what’s going on instead of just assuming I hate you forever if you think I’m mad at you.”

“Deal.”

“I still don’t really know what this is going to look like, but I guess you’re worth a try.”

"Alright." Sam smiles. "That's a good place to start."

Chapter Text

My dearest Israel,

I’m alive, my love, my sweet, and I have missed you so! I’m sorry if you heard rumors of the shipwreck, but I survived! It pains me to think that you must have thought me dead, and I apologize that it took so long to be able to get word to you.

I have been forced to keep a low profile as the Navy is hunting for me. Contacting you only to be caught would have finished me off. When I emerged from the ocean, I was so broken and sick, I thought I was going to die after all. It took months before I was lucid, and months more before I was healthy enough to find Paul and have hopes of this letter reaching you in the right port at the right time.

And on that matter, I’d like to propose something to you. Do you remember when we spent those nights in Havana? Sleeping under palm trees and milking goats? When we talked about how we wished we could just stay there forever? I know I’m a fool, but I can only hope and dream to think that now is the time. I’m dead to the world. I won’t be easily found. Come with me and the two of us will slip into a quieter life, leaving our names only to history. I want only to spend the time I have with you. Be with me, my love. Retire with me. We can sail, we can choose a house, anything you like, but let’s not spend another minute longer apart.

I’m ahead of myself, as usual. I can only hope that you have not found another lover in my absence and found happiness elsewhere. I hope this letter finds you quickly, and I eagerly await your answer. My greatest happiness will always be with you.

Yours always, to the ends of the earth,

Samuel

The paper crackles and chars in the fire as Blackbeard hastily scrawls a response.