Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

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Jisung

“How does that quote go?” Jisung mutters to the closest person walking down the hallway with him. “The best way to learn is under intense, life-threatening pressure?”

The person giggles and trains appreciative eyes on him. The cut of their suit and subtle make-up don’t make it immediately apparent whether they prefer to identify as a particular gender. “You like the Spider-Verse movies too?”

Jisung grins. “Yeah. Love them. Did you also cry when Uncle Aaron—"

“The most important thing—” Dr. Kim calls over the approaching hubbub. “Is to please stay out of people’s way. It’s going to be you all out there starting next week, trust me when I say you’ll understand very soon.”

And she hits the button that opens the double-doors into the Emergency Department.

Eight apprehensive new interns shuffle into the main wing of SNUH’s flagship ER, and ‘hubbub’ doesn’t begin to cover it. Jisung completed two full ER rotations as a medical student (and aced them, thank you very much) so he has been in this kind of environment before, but SNUH is special. It’s huge. It’s like its own microcosm of a city during rush-hour except the traffic is stretchers and the harried pedestrians are nurses and doctors and technicians and clerks, and alarms are beeping and blaring and conversations overlap in a dizzying cacophony and someone is shouting that they need to use the bathroom now.

Jisung’s pulse quickens with excitement, with dread, with panic, with anticipation.

He made it. He finally made it, and he’s going to get to work here for the next four years.

“Coming through,” someone calls out, and much as a school of fish would scatter around a boat so do the eight interns suddenly spring apart to allow a woman grimacing in a wheelchair to be taken into the hallway they just emerged out of, which leads to the CT scanner. Jisung notices that her skin is concerningly yellow (icterus, he notes mentally) and wonders if her liver is failing.

Dr. Kim waves for them to follow her deeper into the belly of the ER, and continues her tour.

“This is the Red Team, or Red Pod,” she gestures to the enormous space they are in, with its section of cubicles, section of back-to-back stretchers, section of patient rooms with glass doors, section of curtained procedure areas. Two big circles make up the desks with the doctor’s computers and the nursing charting area, and she leads them to the small stretch of hall between them. “The Trauma Bay is behind there, I’ll show it to you later, and the pediatric Pod is across from there, but you won’t have shifts in pediatrics until the second half of intern year. Blue Pod is down that hallway. I know some of you had in-person interviews and at least one of you rotated with us as a student—” She scans the eight twenty-somethings in suits and seems to find who she’s looking for in the tall, ethereal-looking man near the back. “But it’s important to familiarize yourselves with the layout because getting lost is not an option.”

“Dr. Kim sunbaenim!” One of the doctors gets up from the computer area and walks over to them, and she smiles at him. “Are these the new interns?”

“Yes. Everyone, this is Dr. Seo Changbin, one of your chief residents.”

There’s a chorus of greetings and bows, and as he joins it Jisung remembers reading that name at the bottom of an email about his yearly rotation schedule. Not just a senior, but a chief. A boss among his peers.

“Dr. Hwang, you probably met him during your rotation,” Dr. Kim prompts that tall guy again, and Dr. Hwang bows at Dr. Seo again, but says nothing, and his expression doesn’t change.

“I remember you!” Dr. Seo says loudly, with a genial smile. He is wearing a mask but the way his eyes scrunch makes it impossible to miss. “Hyunjin, right?”

Hyunjin nods, but still says nothing. Jisung wonders if being that attractive makes you kind of an asshole.

“Welcome guys, I’m excited to work with you. If you have any questions you can come to me.” Changbin smiles again, or more, unfazed by the new intern’s rudeness, and Jisung likes him already. “See you all at the intern welcome party—” His expression changes comically when Dr. Kim coughs. “I-I mean, the welcome dinner that is definitely not going to become a party at my place after.”

The interns titter in laughter and Jisung smiles at his Spider-Verse friend, who giggles again with bright amusement in their pretty eyes.

“Moving on,” Dr. Kim sighs, but it’s indulgent. “Let’s walk over to Blue Pod.”

They wave goodbye to Chief Seo and Jisung spots two of the female interns exchanging looks, in the universal language of unspoken acknowledgement that they are departing a hot person’s presence. He silently agrees.

The Red Pod had seemed chaotic to Jisung, but in retrospect it was its own kind of organized chaos. When they enter the Blue Pod, the noises there have an edge, and everyone seems to pick up on it immediately.

This space is smaller, the size of a volleyball court instead of a basketball one, but a very large group of people seem to have accumulated near a particular room. The glass doors are open, and Jisung spots the familiar motion of someone performing CPR on a patient.

Dr. Kim immediately strides over to assess the situation, and the school of fish that the eight interns have become follow her.

“Eun-u, pass me the IO kit…?”

“Who is keeping time?”

“Someone call respiratory, please! The ventilator is alarming!”

“I think we’re due for a pulse-check…?”

It’s a mess, but before Dr. Kim has to start sorting it a loud, clear voice takes over the room.

“All right everyone, let’s try to speak one at a time so we can all hear each other,” a man says.

He’s standing at the far end of the patient’s room, and he looks younger than Dr. Kim but his bearing and his white coat speak to his title; the man must be an attending.

“The patient lost pulses almost a minute ago, I will keep time and let everyone know when it’s time to check pulses again.” His voice carries well without him having to shout, and he looks calm. He’s making Jisung feel calm even as a woman continues to perform chest compressions on the poor patient. “Ri-ah, please call respiratory to take a look at the vent. Minho, please get ready to take over compressions. Nurse Park, please prepare a chest tube kit.”

“A chest tube?” someone from their group gasps.

The man in charge has moved on to checking the patient’s lungs with his stethoscope during a break in the CPR, and he makes a face when he’s listening on the right side.

“Chan,” Dr. Kim calls over. “You good?”

The man nods at her, seemingly noticing her and her group just now.

“New interns?” he calls, silencing the blaring ventilator alarm behind him. The CPR has resumed, but the woman performing it looks like she’s tiring out.

“Yes. Everyone, that’s Dr. Bang.”

Dr. Bang waves and walks over to a cabinet to grab something. “Hi guys! I’m going to have to needle-decompress his chest, I think his right lung collapsed which is why the vent is alarming.” He looks over the group, then points to Jisung’s new friend. “Hi! What’s your name?”

Jisung’s friend’s eyes go very wide, and they were huge to begin with.

“I’m Felix,” they say, and it’s the thickest their accent has sounded so far.

“Felix, have you ever needle-decompressed a chest before?”

Felix gapes, but to their credit quickly recovers and says: “No, but I can try.”

Dr. Bang grins behind his mask. “Grab a pair of gloves and come in, we’re going to do it right now. Myung, get him a mask please?”

Jisung notes Felix’s total lack of discomfort or displeasure at ‘him’, and figures that’s fine with him. The intern class has erupted in gasps and mutters, and Jisung feels a complicated mix of jealousy and relief that he didn’t get singled out—likely by virtue of having been standing a little bit behind Felix, who was at the forefront of the group next to Dr. Kim.

“All right, time to switch compressors, let’s do a pulse-check,” Dr. Bang calls, and the woman performing CPR steps down from a stool to let a man behind her take over. This man is wearing dark blue scrubs and Jisung can tell he is extremely fit—not that Dr. Bang isn’t, and he’s actually not as built as Dr. Seo clearly was, but… it feels noteworthy, in this case. Jisung is noting it. He’s sure the man will have no trouble going two, hell even three rounds of CPR, with those shoulders. Maybe even four?

“Felix, are you ready?”

In the time Jisung spent assessing the fit new doctor, Felix put his blond hair in a haphazard bun, has gloves and a mask on, and is positioned to the right side of the patient. The chest compressions have resumed because no pulse was found, and Dr. Bang is directing Felix on how to do a needle-decompression. Jisung wishes he could see, but it’s all happening too far inside the room and he can’t even hear what Dr. Bang and Felix are saying to each other while it happens. The doctor in dark blue scrubs is getting some of his fringe in his eyes when he pushes down, but is blinking it away without breaking his perfect rhythm.

It’s over very quickly, and Dr. Bang seems very pleased because he claps a couple of times at Felix, then listens to the patient’s right lung again with his stethoscope during another pause in compressions, then claps again.

Felix, in the suit and gloves and mask, looks pale and sweaty but incredibly proud as he emerges from the room.

The patient has a pulse during the following pulse-check, and the man doing compressions stops and steps off the stool. He’s barely even breathing hard from it. He uses his forearm to wipe at his bangs, but they fall onto his forehead and into his eyes again. His chest is subtly rising in time with his mask puffing, but it looks like he barely even broke a sweat.

“Bit of an eventful tour,” Dr. Kim says, mostly to Felix.

Felix takes his mask off and grins hugely. “Yeah.”

“He did great,” Dr. Bang says to Dr. Kim, voice warm with admiration. “Welcome to SNUH, everyone! I have to do this chest tube now but I look forward to working with you all!” And just like that he’s back in the melee that is the recently resuscitated patient’s room, and Dr. Kim is ushering them away.

*

The rest of the tour is, thankfully, far less eventful, and the group ends up taking the elevators to the 20th floor where the program director’s offices are. They all interviewed with and met Dr. Park Jin-young individually, of course, but he scheduled an introductory meeting with them as a class and is going to give them a brief lecture. Jisung likes Dr. Kim much better but she is only the assistant program director, and after ushering them into a big, well-lit conference room she takes a seat in the back and goes quiet.

Jisung makes a point of sitting next to Felix while they wait, but before he can ask him anything one of his co-interns beats him to it.

“How was it?” A handsome man with dark black hair and a stylish undercut says, leaning forward in his seat across the large oval table. “How did it feel?”

Felix smiles. “It was easier than I thought! I felt the gush of air as soon as the needle was in, like, it blew in my face—” He seems so animated, so excited, that Jisung’s earlier balance is tipping into jealous. “And that’s how I knew I got it.”

“Wow,” someone else says.

“That’s so impressive, Felix,” Jisung says. He means it, too; he can be jealous and admiring at once. “You’re so cool.”

“Thanks.” Felix smiles even bigger. He is stunning to look at, actually—beautiful in a way Jisung doesn’t think is fair for someone who also has a medical degree. He should be modeling somewhere.

“I’m Seungmin, by the way,” the handsome man says to Felix.

“Felix.”

Seungmin turns to Jisung, who volunteers his name, and they begin an impromptu round of introductions amongst themselves. Jisung resolves to study their class poster (a PDF document with their names and faces taken from their applications) and memorize everyone by the time the intern dinner comes around, after-party or no. Felix, Seungmin and Hyunjin stand out in his mind by virtue of all being ridiculously attractive, but he will know everyone.

“Welcome, intern class.”

The eight of them suddenly stand up as Dr. Park Jin-young walks into the room, and everyone bows.

“Congratulations on making it to the hardest training program in the most prestigious hospital in the country,” he goes on to say. A bit pretentiously, in Jisung’s opinion. “The next four years are going to be the hardest and best of your lives. I want to take some time to impress upon you the importance of this training, so please pay attention because I will not be repeating myself.”

*

“We’re done for the day, right?” Jisung asks Felix as they walk out of the hospital building. The lobby is a mix of patients, family members, and hospital workers in scrubs, coats and suits, but it’s early in the afternoon and Jisung still feels full of that panicked anticipatory energy that started when they walked in to the ER in the morning.

“You’re not doing your simulation lab stuff today? I heard it’s half of us today half tomorrow,” Felix responds, pulling up the schedule on his phone.

“Mine’s tomorrow.”

“Mine too,” says Seungmin, unprompted, from behind Jisung.

Jisung looks at them both. “Do you guys want to hang out?”

Felix’s smile is blinding, and Seungmin considers for a moment and then nods.

“Oh, looks like it’s us three and Hyunjin,” Felix notes, and looks around for Hyunjin, who was walking near the back of the group. “Hey, Hyunjin,” he calls him with a smile. “The three of us are with you in sim tomorrow, we were going to hang out now. Wanna come?”

Jisung’s quickly-formed opinion of Hyunjin imagines him scoffing, but he is proven wrong when Hyunjin, after a startled pause and a look of surprise, says: “Yeah, okay.”

They decide to get coffees and wander the city blocks around the hospital, blending with the suits taking lunch breaks from their office jobs.

Jisung hopes he’s about to make three new friends.

Felix

Felix is still buzzing and maybe even lightly vibrating from the excitement of his needle-decompression. He tries to pay attention to his co-interns, and succeeds to a degree, but in the background of his thoughts is a constant replay of the scene from this morning: the give of the patient’s skin, the gush of air in his face, the close warmth of Dr. Bang, the patient’s pulse coming back thanks to something he did, Dr. Bang’s approving look, Dr. Bang’s clapping, Dr. Bang’s eyes, Dr. Bang’s shoulders, Dr. Bang’s forearms—Dr. Bang’s wedding ring outline under his gloves, snap out of it Felix.

“I can’t believe Dr. Bang just pulled you in to do a procedure like that.”

Felix startles, staring at Jisung. Maybe he summoned Dr. Bang as the topic of conversation by mental force alone. “Yeah. Me neither, I’ve never heard of anything like that.”

“That was cool,” Hyunjin says quietly, smiling a little. Felix smiles back.

“Thanks, Hyunjin.”

“Doctor Bang is cool,” says Seungmin, in the tone with which someone might say ‘this water is wet’. “I heard he’s won the Best Teaching Faculty Award two years in a row, and he’s only been an attending for two years. I think I’m already starting to get it.”

“I can’t believe he could hear lung sounds with all that noise going on,” Jisung says.

“Did you work with him during your rotation, Hyunjin?” Felix asks him, dying to hear more. He hasn’t quite snapped out of it just yet, wedding ring or no.

“I did. He’s just as great as everyone says, always staying late to help his colleagues, taking care of so many patients, helping the nurses… a bit of a workaholic, I think.” Hyunjin bites his lower lip in thought, and Felix marvels at his beauty in the afternoon sun while soaking in his words, because yes, that makes perfect sense, of course that is what Dr. Bang is like. “He’s engaged to one of the General Surgeons, I’m pretty sure. A Dr. Choi?”

Okay, he knew that. Engaged is basically married.

“A man?”

Hyunjin’s smile is knowing, but not in a pitying way. He gets it. Makes Felix think he gets it gets it.
“A woman, sadly.”

Felix shoots him a similarly tinged smile back.

“Why sadly?” Seungmin asks.

“Because he’s hot.”

It’s Jisung who says it, which surprises Felix a bit. Pleasantly, of course.

“People are bisexual, you know,” Jisung adds, looking from Hyunjin to him with a pointed eyebrow raise. Felix has a feeling he is implying that he, Jisung, is people.

“Sorry, you’re right.” Feeling brave and safe in this little unit of new friends, he decides to just rip that particular band-aid off. “I like men.”

Hyunjin’s eyes dart to Seungmin and Jisung before settling back on Felix, and Felix wonders if their shared look earlier had been Hyunjin assuming this commonality was going to remain between them. Maybe he, like Felix, had made assumptions about the other two as well.

“Me too,” says Jisung. “And women.”

There’s almost an expectant silence after, but before Hyunjin can feel pressured to say anything to fill it Seungmin says: “I’m undecided,” and shrugs.

“Undecided on what? Men? Women? People who—"

“Just… undecided. And too busy.”

Hyunjin snorts. “We are about to be the busiest we’ve ever been.”

“For four years,” Jisung adds, with a panicky smile.

Felix grins, unable to contain his glee. “I know, isn’t it exciting?”

*

That night, Felix barely gets any sleep but his tiny, shitty little apartment for once is not depressing, the unpacked boxes aren’t scary, and the thought of the long commute he’ll have in the morning can’t bring him down.

He wakes up still somehow feeling full of energy and yes, a lot of nerves but he puts on his best casual outfit and grabs a banana for breakfast to eat on the bus. He calls his mom while on it and ignores the sidelong glances from fellow commuters when he starts speaking English, as they soon lose interest anyway.

“Oh my, and what does that mean?”

“It means the patient’s lung had collapsed, that’s why the ventilator was alarming! And I had to stick a needle in their chest to release the air and re-inflate the lung!”

“So you saved his life?”

Felix flushes. “I mean, I just did what Dr. Bang told me to—he was the one who realized the patient’s lung had collapsed.”

“Dr. Bang is your supervisor? You work under him?”

Oh, the work I would do under him... “I—yes, he is an attending. He finished his training, so he is going to be supervising me if we’re on shift together. My direct supervisor is my program director, Dr. Park Jin-young. And Dr. Kim Ji-a is the assistant program director.”

“Aah.” She sighs. “Felix, I am so proud of you that you did that. This Dr. Bang and you, together, you saved someone. Don’t pass off the credit. You are amazing, my love, remember that!”

Felix smiles, hit by a wave of sudden homesickness. He is reminded again of his boxes, waiting to be unpacked.

“Thank you. Love you.”

“Love you, dearest.”

When he hangs up, eyes burning with threatening tears, he notices that a new group-chat has popped up in his phone. It’s called ‘I wish Dr. Bang would bang me’, in English, and Felix lets out a choking laugh instead of crying.

There are four members.

Seungmin

Their day in the simulation center involves multiple sessions with attendings and senior residents who make sure all the interns have passable skills and a chance to practice various procedures before they start work in just a few days. They get evaluated on their suturing skills, incision and drainage skills, IV insertion skills… the list goes on. Seungmin can tell that he’s one of the best just by glancing around, which is interesting—only Hyunjin does a neater job than him at stitching up the fake plastic arm. Also interesting is that when they are asked impromptu questions about pathology it’s Jisung who has most of the answers. Seungmin knows the answers too, he just prefers to keep quiet and assess the others’ knowledge. He is pleased by his findings.

There’s a medical student joining in on the sessions too, some kid from Busan who sits quietly and politely in the back, wearing ill-fitting baby-blue scrubs whereas the four interns are all in casual clothing.

“Great, so let’s take a five-minute break and we’ll move on to lumbar punctures,” Chief Seo says. He smiles a lot. “Anyone want a shitty coffee? I’m going to go to the cafeteria.”

They all decline even though Hyunjin had muttered something about desperately needing coffee during their last session.

“Hey, what’s your name?”

Felix is asking the medical student. Felix’s smile is so soft and kind; Seungmin wonders if he’ll survive the harsh training conditions they’ve all been warned about. Will that softness remain after rotating with the surgeons and being forced to stay awake for twenty-four hours?

“Yang Jeongin, sunbaenim,” the student says, sharing a small smile of his own. Now that he looks at him properly, Seungmin can’t help noting that his facial proportions are perfect—his features almost look cartoonish, they are so sharp and symmetrical. It’s surprisingly pleasant, to stare into a face like that. Normally Seungmin doesn’t particularly enjoy looking at faces, and especially not at eyes, even though he knows it’s expected of him so he does it anyway.

“You can call me hyung, Jeongin,” Felix says.

Jeongin’s smile goes from tentative to huge, and it emphasizes his cheekbones and dimples, narrowing his eyes. Hm. Seungmin’s initial impression was correct; it truly is a perfect face, maybe the most perfect face Seungmin has ever seen in real life.

“Okay, hyu—"

“Me too.”

Jeongin’s eyes flicker to Seungmin, who—just said that too loudly.

He gets it; the air became a touch awkward, he didn’t modulate his voice like he normally does and he interrupted the student. He… forgot. He drops his gaze from those eyes, and is about to say something else (he genuinely isn’t sure what is about to come out of his mouth) when Jisung swoops in.

“Yeah, and me. We’re here to help you. You’re in your sixth year, right?”

“Yes.”

“Wah, big exam coming up! And you want to be an emergency medicine doctor?”

“I want to be a pediatrician,” Jeongin says, which makes perfect sense for some reason.

“Ooh, that’s great!” Felix exclaims. “We have a pediatric Pod in our ER too, hopefully you’ll get to work some shifts there.”

“You can call me hyung too, by the way,” Hyunjin adds, turning elegantly in his stool. He’s got his legs folded up under him somehow. “Are all your sixth year rotations at SNUH?”

“Yeah. I have Surgery after this month, then ICU.”

Seungmin blinks down at the floor. He also has a month of Surgery after this block, then ICU. He’s going to be with the same medical student for three months? The odds of that are so low.

“Are you invited to the intern welcome dinner?” Jisung asks. “You should come.”

Seungmin looks back up in case Jeongin is smiling that big blooming smile again.

He is.

*

Dr. Park (whom Chief Seo calls JYP) comes to watch over them during the last session of the morning.

Seungmin understands the need to respect his elders and to uphold the hierarchy of their medical training, but… he does not like the man. He especially does not like the way his eyes linger on Felix’s pink sweater when he comments on their ‘excessively casual attire’ as a group. It’s the first thing he does when he arrives: takes the four of them in, doubles back to reassess Felix, and appears displeased with what he finds.

“I try to be understanding of young people’s habits in this day and age, I do, but you are doctors at SNUH now. You are setting an example to students and to patients.” Well, the patients today are made of plastic, Seungmin doesn’t say. “Your appearance reflects on the hospital. The group yesterday had females in it and they were dressed more professionally.”

He looks at Felix again. Seungmin bristles, and notices Jisung and Hyunjin doing the same.

Felix is pale but stays quiet.

“Mobility during procedures is important.”

Oops. He was a bit too loud, again.

Dr. Park is looking at him, now.

“Having mobility… that’s important. Scrubs allow for good mobility, and can be easily cleaned if stained, but the email said not to wear scrubs to the simulation center today. We did not have any other instructions.”

Dr. Park looks like no one has ever talked back to him in his entire life. Maybe that’s the case.

“The day was described to us as procedural practice. Comfortable clothing—”

“That’s enough, Dr. Kim.”

He is angry, Seungmin can tell. He made his program director angry on the second day. His medical student self, with his perfect report card, would be considering self-immolation right now if he found out.

For some reason, it feels easy to discard his past self’s hypothetical feelings on the matter when Felix’s feelings are so clearly on the line.

Chief Seo is frowning at Dr. Park. “I think Seungmin has a good point,” he says firmly. Relief floods Seungmin at the backing from someone senior. “If there are specific clothing guidelines you require I will include them in the next chief email. Please provide me the details so I can inform the interns, since they were not aware there was any particular dress code today.”

Dr. Park still looks angry but seemingly chooses not to get into an argument with his chief resident in front of them, so they manage to move on to practicing sterile gowning procedures, their last task of the day.

A nurse from the surgical department has come to demonstrate the practice, which is a two-person activity. She uses Dr. Park as her assistant, ordering him about this way and that, much to the interns’ gratification.

Felix and Jisung pair up, and Hyunjin turns to Seungmin with a questioning look but Seungmin’s mouth, already on an anarchic spree today, does something else unexpected.

“Jeongin, come assist me so you can learn.”

Jeongin jumps up from his chair and walks to him, eager. “Yes, sunb—hyung.”

Seungmin has put on sterile equipment before, so he shows Jeongin how to hold the right part of the gown and then spins around to get wrapped in it. The spin makes him a bit dizzy (probably because he didn’t eat breakfast) and the dizziness gets paired with a bout of unpleasant palpitations just as Jeongin is carefully tying him in.

“The… the top, too,” he manages, palpitations worsening for several seconds while Jeongin walks around him to tie the gown around the nape of his neck.

The backs of his fingers brush Seungmin’s skin and Seungmin contemplates saying something to the group about the fact that he is clearly having some sort of hypoglycemic episode, because he genuinely feels like he’s going to faint. Is it more embarrassing to warm people and end up not passing out, or to drop to the floor out cold?

Out of the corner of his vision he sees that Hyunjin ended up getting assisted by Chief Seo, who good-naturedly holds his sterile gown tag while Hyunjin does a slow spin of his own.

“Good job, Hyunjin,” Chief Seo says.

Hyunjin finishes the turn and goes still as a statue, and says nothing in return.

Seungmin’s dizziness eases (Jeongin finished and has retreated backwards a few paces), and eventually he decides he will not be passing out after all. He definitely needs to eat soon though.

Hyunjin

“That man is a dinosaur,” he says with feeling.

Felix winces. “Thanks, Hyunjin.” His accent is adorable, and seems to become more pronounced when he’s feeling a strong emotion, which includes right now.

“I’m so glad you said something, Seungmin,” Jisung adds, even though he just put a dumpling in his mouth and the effect of his speaking with full cheeks is rather ridiculous. “I’m sorry I didn’t,” he adds to Felix. “I should have.”

“Me too,” Hyunjin admits. “I’m sorry, Felix.”

Felix is shaking his head. “He didn’t even say anything to me directly. Don’t—don’t worry, it’s fine.”

Hyunjin purses his lips. They all heard what JYP didn’t say to Felix.

They went out to lunch together after their long morning of sessions, and ended up at a hole-in-the-wall dumpling place a block away from the hospital campus that Jeongin, of all people, had recommended. It’s not bad.

“I wonder if there’s a way to report stuff, if he keeps being shitty—oh hey! Seo Changbin! Sunbae!”

Hyunjin’s pulse jumps just as Jisung does, abruptly standing and waving through the window at Changbin, who just walked past their restaurant.

“Sunb—he can’t hear me.” Jisung drops his chopsticks and rushes out the door, and Hyunjin almost cries out ‘Don’t!’ but that would be weird, and he can’t do that.

Sure enough, a minute later Jisung comes back with their chief in tow, looking very pleased. So do the others; Felix smiles that beautiful smile of his, Seungmin seems happy, Jeongin grins.

Hyunjin should smile too, or it’ll stand out. But he doesn’t… he can’t, and he doesn’t know how to act.

“Hi guys!”

They give him little half-sitting bows and he sits with them, in a stool Seungmin pulls up—which puts Changbin right between him and Hyunjin, and squeezes them tightly together. Changbin is just as broad as he remembers, and he can only hunch his shoulders so much but it’s not like the sheer bulk of his delts and biceps can be compressed.

“Good to see you here. How are you guys feeling? Orientation week is exciting, right?”

They all nod happily, even Jeongin who is just rotating through and ostensibly along for the ride.

“I’m very glad we ran into each other, actually. I want you guys to know that I’m here for you for whatever, okay? I mean it.” He glances at Felix, and his smile doesn’t drop but there’s a steel to his undertone that is hard to miss. “I’m here to watch out for you, and help you, and advocate for you. That’s what it means to be chief.” The steel drops away: “And I also control your schedules, so you all need to suck up to me lots.”

They laugh, and Jisung makes some crack about what kind of dumplings Changbin wants and can he order them for him.

Hyunjin remains silent, and focuses on his breathing.

He hates this. Hates having to focus on control—this never happens to him. He feels so… affected. By what? The brush of a bicep? Fuck Changbin. He’s clearly fine. They are both adults and they will be working together for at least a year, more if Changbin stays on at SNUH as an attending. Changbin is acting totally chill. Hyunjin… can be chill. He normally is, he’s not sure why he’s finding it so damn difficult right now.

“Hyunjin. Hyunjin,” Jisung is waving his hand in front of his face. Hyunjin startles.

He never spaces out.

“Sorry, I have a headache.”

“I was just asking if you wanted another round of food.”

“No.” He sees Jisung note his blunt tone with displeasure. He can’t help it. He can’t—“I’m going to go splash my face, actually. Be right back.”

He shifts away from the pressure of that damn deltoid digging into his arm and stands, almost stumbling over his chair as he makes his way to the back of the restaurant, down a narrow hallway to the bathroom, away, away, away.

He should have predicted what happens next.

The whole point is that he wasn’t thinking straight, though. Hasn’t been thinking at all.

“Hyunjin.”

Oh he’s so dumb. Stupid dumb airhead Hyunjin; who let him graduate medical school?

Hyunjin’s hand is still on the knob of the single-stall bathroom when Changbin calls his name again from the hallway. “Hyunjin, can I talk to you for a minute?”

Instead of answering, he opens the door and goes directly to the sink to splash his face like he announced he would, and he hears the creak and thump of Changbin following him inside and shutting the door behind himself. A twinkling, innocent sound gives away that he also locks it. If any of the others comes back to use the bathroom—

“Is… is this okay? I’m sorry.”

There aren’t any paper towels.

Hyunjin stands up straight and looks at Changbin under the overbright bathroom lights, knowing what he probably looks like right now: deranged, with shuttered eyes, a shining face, clumped lashes, still gorgeous because he knows he is, but very much on the ‘wet cat’ end of the spectrum. Not how he was hoping their first one-to-one conversation would go. Not that he was hoping for a one-to-one—

“You want to talk right now,” he says.

“I don’t have your number.”

Hyunjin scoffs. “Yes you do, you’re a chief. You have all of our numbers, and our emails, and our home addresses.”

Changbin frowns. “I wasn’t going to use my position as chief like that. You didn’t give me your number.”

Hyunjin wouldn’t have thought twice about doing that in his shoes, he thinks dispassionately. “Okay, well…” turns out he doesn’t know what to say. “What. What would you have said. What do you want to say.”

Changbin shrugs. “That we should talk about it. Clear the air, so to speak.”

“…Clear the air.”

“Yeah.”

Hyunjin waits him out, skepticism dripping from his every pore. Also some water.

Finally, Changbin makes a cute little face. “I mean, we both thought you’d be going to Asan Med. Obviously I never would have… we had no idea you’d be my intern.”

My intern. You’d be my—

“Okay. And here we are.” He sounds angry, he knows he does. He also knows it’s not fair to Changbin that he’s being such a bitch to him, since they are facing a year of close contact ahead and acknowledging what happened seems reasonable with that prospect in mind. No, he knows who between the two of them is being unreasonable right now.

And yet.

“…Okay. I take it you have nothing to say?” Changbin says it so kindly. Then, to add insult to injury he adds: “Which is fine, by the way. I get it. I heard you loud and clear last time, when—” he chuckles. “I heard you. We can just act like it never happened.”

Hyunjin nods. “Okay.”

“Um. Okay. I… promise I’m going to treat you like the others. I will do my best to be totally impartial.” He grins. “That means you can’t complain if I put you on a night shift here and there.”

Hyunjin clenches his jaw.

“I would never complain about that.”

“Right, right. That was a joke.”

I know, Hyunjin wants to say. I’m sorry I’m being such a piece of shit, you’re being so nice to me, he wants to say. You were nice back then, too. It’s been nine months, people create life in that time, isn’t that crazy? Some cells become a baby, and in the time I’ve been away from you I became a doctor. And now I’m here and I’m your intern and you’re here and I can’t be a fucking person around you, apparently, and I—

“Okay, Hyunjin. I’ll go back out there.” He nods. “Glad we… cleared things up.”

He leaves and Hyunjin just stands there, drops of water pooling at his chin and falling onto his chest once in a while, and he’s breathing way faster than that nothing of a conversation warranted.

Nothing feels clear to him at all.

Jeongin

He picks the seat next to Seungmin on purpose but then sort of regrets it because they dim the lecture hall lights, and that does not lend itself to thoughts that are appropriate in a formal academic setting.

It’s a massive theatre; the biggest lecture hall in the hospital, to fit all the starting interns from every specialty: emergency medicine, but also surgery, internal medicine, pediatrics, anesthesia, psychiatry, and on and on. The chair of the department of internal medicine is giving some speech about hospital-wide unity and work ethic, and is reinforcing the principles of excellence of care that SNUH prides itself on… snore.

Seungmin is so much more interesting to look at, if only the lights weren’t so dim. Jeongin could focus on looking, instead of imagining.

He’s not sure what it is about him that makes Jeongin so… attracted. He can see that Felix is incredibly pretty, and Jisung is somehow both hot and cute and grabbable, and Hyunjin should be on a runway right now, and that chief—but Seungmin makes Jeongin’s palms itch. He has looked at men before, but it didn’t feel like this. He thought about biting his neck yesterday. Not kissing—biting it. When he was tying that flimsy gown and Seungmin swayed a little bit like he was lightheaded Jeongin didn’t think: ‘oh no is he feeling okay?’ he thought ‘if I bit him on the neck really hard he’d cry out, what would it sound like?’.

“… which is why you represent SNUH wherever you go, in and out of hospital grounds. And that is important to remember. Our reputation is untarnished, we are counting on your to carry it forward.”

On his other side, Jisung scoffs lightly and Jeongin gets why. This part of the speech is starting to sound too close to JYP’s cut-off rant yesterday about ‘appearances’. Seungmin had been so brave and cool, standing up to his boss like that. His eyes had flashed with defiance, his posture had been so aggressive in that chair, his shoulders tense. God, the way he’d even been breathing a little hard, angry like that—there’s a weird urgency to Jeongin’s want. He just wants to taste it so bad. Just to try it, he’s never been with a guy before, surely just trying it a little bit wouldn’t hurt. He has no idea if Seungmin is into men, but he’d make it good, he’d figure out ways to make him feel good, he wouldn’t stop until Seungmin felt amazing, and maybe then Seungmin would let him bite his neck like he cannot stop thinking about doing, just once, God, please—

“Jeongin, this shit is useless and you’re not gonna learn anything,” Jisung mutters to him.

Jeongin stops breathing for a second. He really needs to calm down a lot.

“Do you wanna leave? We have to be here, you don’t.”

He senses Seungmin looking at them from his other side, and waits to answer while Seungmin leans into his space a little (oh God oh God) to speak to Jisung.

“We can’t dismiss the med student, Jisung. Only a chief or an attending can do that.”

“Who is even keeping track of the fact that he’s here? It’s only us interns here. This is literally a room full of interns. All the interns in the hospital,” Jisung whispers back.

He can see enough of Seungmin’s face now to see that he is not appeased by this logic. He’s so close; his shoulder is digging into Jeongin’s, and his neck is literally right in front of him, extended like he’s freaking taunting him with the stretch of skin Jeongin is not allowed to bite.

“We don’t know that. We can’t be overstepping on our first week.”

“You talked back to our program director on our second day!” Jisung retorts, but it’s admiring, like a compliment.

Seungmin hangs his head, which puts his mouth that much closer to Jeongin’s crotch, which brings up another idea—

“I want to stay,” Jeongin says. Jisung is right, that there is nothing useful or educational about listening to some old department Chair rant about the sacred medical oath and his good old days, but there’s a non-zero chance they could run into an attending or one of the chiefs, and anyway there’s only an hour of lectures left before the day is over.

“Okay, up to you.”

From Seungmin’s other side, Felix waves at him. Apparently he’s been eavesdropping. “You’re still coming to the welcome party right? I mean dinner.”

It’s Jeongin’s turn to lean towards Seungmin, who leans back in parallel and for a second they are moving exactly in sync, until Seungmin’s back hits the back of his chair and Jeongin’s forward movement is stopped by the armrest separating them digging into his tummy.

“Yeah, I emailed Chief Seo and he said it was cool. Apparently the whole department is coming—” he can’t resist pushing against the armrest just a little, leaning his torso a little further forward. Seungmin smells amazing, some sort of spicy soap Jeongin wants to lick off of him. “Not just the doctors, but the nurses and technicians and clerks and stuff.”

“Nice, that’s great.” Felix gives him a thumbs up, so cute. Jeongin thumbs-ups him back, and as he does his elbow brushes Seungmin’s arm, which gets wrenched back with a force that is upsetting.

Just once, please? He thinks, settling back in his seat. Please I want it, let me try it, let me just try it once and then I’ll leave you alone, promise.

Seungmin scratches his own neck and Jeongin chews on the inside of his cheek, both of them staring straight ahead. Jeongin has no idea what that man on stage is talking about anymore.

Felix

After the comments from JYP at the simulation center, Felix scraps his original outfit plan for the intern welcome dinner on Saturday. He wants to make a good impression, and he doesn’t want to stand out; it’s upsetting, but he knows he’d be more upset if he was singled out or shamed for wearing something too feminine. Doesn't matter that most idols these days wear a full face and lots of jewelry, the medical world has a lot of—he smiles to himself at the memory, ‘dinosaurs’, as Hyunjin called them.

Unfortunately, having to put a new, more acceptable outfit together means confronting his boxes, and he’s been putting that off all week so he finds himself still undecided by midday on the day of the event.

A notification from ‘I wish Dr. Bang would bang me’ shakes him from his dark thoughts, as they have been wont to do since Jisung created the group chat.

what are peeps wearing tonight

It’s Jisung.

I also need help, Felix sends.

omg can I come over

pls im desperate I know it’s like 5 hours away but pls

Heart so light it floats up to his throat, Felix types: Y E S

*

Turns out both Jisung and Hyunjin end up in his apartment, and Felix finds their attempts at positive thinking… very kind.

“It’s cute,” says Jisung, not looking him in the eyes. “And just think of how easy it will be to block off light when you’re on night shifts! With just… you know, that one little window.”

“It’s cozy,” Hyunjin says fiercely. Almost aggressively.

Felix loves them already, the way he loved Seungmin when he spoke up for him. “Thanks, guys. I…” he swallows. “I’d rather save up for a plane ticket home, you know?”

“Home is Australia, right?” asks Jisung. He plops himself in front of a box labeled ‘CLOTHES’ in English, either by chance or because he can read it. He starts unpacking. “When did you move to Korea?”

“Oh, just two months ago. I mean, I’ve been to Seoul a bunch growing up, but… yeah, the move was just two months ago, for my training. I did my medical school in Australia.”

“Oh wow!” says Hyunjin.

“That’s so amazing!” says Jisung, in English.

Felix cries out. “Hey! You speak English?”

Jisung laughs, shaking his head, and switches back to Korean immediately. “No, no, just a tiny bit.” He takes out a bunch of Felix’s pajamas. “These look comfy.”

They sort through his boxes for a while. Turns out Jisung has only brought two outfit choices, so it’s a pretty easy decision and Felix and Hyunjin unanimously vote for the more slim-cut dark brown suit with a pearly white shirt underneath. Jisung’s waist is something else, and the suit tapers nicely to his narrow hips.

“What are you wearing?” Felix asks Hyunjin.

“A suit,” Hyunjin responds breezily, going through a bunch of socks in the box labeled ‘SOCKS AND SHOES’. “A black one. I’ll show you in a bit.”

Felix’s original suit choice had been a light blue color that he thought went rather well with his complexion and dyed-blond hair, but now he needs to find something more sober. Something… brown, or black, or grey—

“Ooh, I found the right box!”

Jisung pulls a collection of neatly folded dressy shirts and then pulls out the suits that Felix’s mom dutifully piled up underneath them. He has resigned himself to some creases due to not having time to properly launder the pieces, and that’s just something he’ll have to live with.

“I brought a steamer,” Hyunjin says, eyeing Felix’s expression.

Felix’s jaw drops. “Can you read minds?”

Hyunjin smiles and doesn’t answer, and Felix suddenly is so curious to hear how someone with a face made to star in dramas ended up in medical school.

“Okay so the color options are gorgeous?” Jisung says, laying them out. “I like the white one so much.”

“I wore my only black suit on Monday, when we had the tour and the meeting.” Felix bites his lip. “Don’t you think the white will stand out too much?”

Hyunjin and Jisung both look at him, then at each other, and Felix almost wants to take it back.

“I like the white, but this wine-colored one is good too, and a bit more… traditional. Wow you brought four suits? I gotta step up my game.”

“My mom was worried there would be a lot of events.”

“She wasn’t wrong, there are a lot of events.”

Felix walks over to the burgundy suit. It has black lapels and it fits him well, he knows—women’s suits tend to hug his waist better. The cream-colored shirt that goes with it also has some burgundy detailing that is not… traditional of a man’s—

“Felix, I think you’ll look amazing in this,” Hyunjin says, interrupting his train of thought.

Jisung nods vigorously. “Seriously, try it on at let us see. And then do my make-up for me, please.”

It’s the latter request that makes Felix smile and agree to the former. He hears what Jisung didn’t say: ‘I’ll be there with you. We’ll be in it together’.

They both look at Hyunjin, who shrugs. “What? I don’t need help, I do my own make-up, thanks.”

Chan

The welcome dinners have been hosted at the same banquet hall since Chan was an intern. Supposedly the hospital must have some sort of deal with them. It’s also tradition that the rowdy residents (joined by some of the nurses) will not end the night there, but Chan isn’t supposed to know about that part, now that he’s an attending himself. It makes things a bit strange, because he still remembers when Changbin, San and Wooyoung were his interns, and he was their chief resident. They have told him multiple times that he has an exclusive open invitation to resident-only debauchery, but Chan refuses to hang out with them in those settings. He’ll seek the three out as individuals, but he will not crash the resident-only debauchery ever again; it’s not his place anymore.

“Dr. Bang, hi.” Chan looks up from his dinnerplate to find Seri standing at his shoulder. She’s a third-year resident. He’s pretty sure she has a crush on his fiancée, which is adorable. “I-I’m sorry to interrupt your dinner, I just wanted to ask… is your wife coming tonight?”

Chan smiles, and hopes it doesn’t let any hint of strain through. “Dr. Choi Nari is not my wife yet,” he says, and might imagine the relief on Seri’s face, but probably not. “And sadly no, she is working tonight. A 24-hour call shift, actually.”

Seri puts a hand to her mouth in sympathy for Chan’s not-yet-wife. “Oh, I see! Sorry to bother you.”

She bows and leaves before Chan can say anything else, and Changbin, who is sitting next to him, says: “Seri is like… in love with Nari, right? It’s not just me?”

Wooyoung chokes on the water he’d just sipped from Chan’s other side, and San starts patting his back without looking up from his own meal.

The three of them are hard to shake. Seems like the chiefs regress a little bit around Chan—and they never let him sit with the other attendings at formal dinners.

“I’m just saying, it is noticeable.”

“She always says ‘wife’ so that you can correct her and say ‘not yet’,” San tells his noodles. “Which has been going on for two years and counting, by the way.”

But the three of them know better than to let the topic linger on Nari or their never-ending engagement for too long.

“Anyway, I hung out with some of the interns the other day,” Changbin says. “They seem cool, but the class has already sort of split in two.”

“Sim day groups?” Wooyoung asks, recovered.

“Hah, yeah.”

“Happens every year.”

“Which four did you hang out with?” Chan hears himself ask.

“Oh, um Seungmin, Felix, Jisung and Hyunjin.” He smiles. “Jisung basically chased me down the street. They are a sweet group, already feel tight-knit and protective of each other. JYP was an asshole during the sim and Seungmin basically called him out before I could.”

Chan frowns at him, then glances at the third rectangular table where most of the departmental leadership is sitting, which puts Dr. Park about as far from them as he can be in this massive room. “What did JYP do?”

Changbin rolls his eyes. “He reprimanded them on their appearance like, the second he walked in.”

“Their appearance at the sim lab?” San asks, snorting. “I think I wore swim trunks there once because I hadn’t done laundry, and no one said anything.”

There’s an uncomfortable silence, and somehow Chan knows. He can’t put faces to the names of the other three, but he remembers the fourth so vividly and he knows exactly the kind of problem an asshole like JYP might have with him.

“Tell me,” he grunts at Changbin. “Say it.”

Changbin squirms and sighs, and he looks angry and upset too, but not… enough. Not the way Chan is starting to feel, a wave that is building and building as he waits.

“One of the interns, he was… it was a completely appropriate work-casual outfit. But. He’s.” Changbin squirms again. “It was pretty obviously a woman’s sweater, pink, and his hair was down—”

Chan is standing.

He blacked out during the two seconds it took him to actually bend his knees, transfer his weight forward and push the chair back; all he knows is that he was sitting and now he’s standing and the screech of the chair scraping back is ringing in his ears. And other people’s ears, actually; several guests are looking at him.

“Chan.” Changbin, alarmed, stands too, and immediately latches onto his arm. “Chan, the fuck? What are you doing?”

San and Wooyoung are staring up at him in utter confusion, and Chan is… Chan is a bit confused too, because what he is doing is preparing to walk over and punch JYP in the face, right in front of all these people, and it’s something he’s wanted to do for years but he didn’t wake up this morning imagining that tonight would be the night.

“Chan, sit down.”

Changbin is really fucking strong but nothing will stop Chan. Nothing. He takes a step and then he sees him.

Him.

The intern, the be—blond one that did the needle-decompression with him; the source of his fury, not the target of it.

Felix.

He’s one of the people that noticed Chan’s abrupt move. He’s sitting at the opposite end of the next table over, and he’s looking at Chan with wide, beau—big eyes.

“Chan, sit,” Changbin hisses again. “I don’t know what’s gotten into you but this is getting weird, man, I’m not letting you throw away your career? Sit. Down.” He wrenches him back down and Chan hasn’t looked away from Felix yet so he’s distracted, that’s why—he finds himself thumping back down in his seat, and thinks—I shouldn’t do it in front of Felix. I can wait. I will wait.

“Um. The fuck?” says Wooyoung. “I’m upset too, but what the fuck were you going to do about it now? Yell at him in front of everyone? The program director?”

I was going to punch him, actually, Chan thinks, and when has he ever resorted to violence? Even once in his life?

For some reason he suspects Changbin knows exactly how close they came to a lot worse than ‘yelling at him in front of everyone’.

“Okay, well, Seungmin spoke up about it, and so did I, and I have added the incident to the List,” Changbin says pointedly. The List is their compendium of things they are hoping will oust JYP from his position one day. “So action is being taken. Please meditate on that for the next couple of minutes so I don’t have a heart attack, thanks.”

Chan stares down at his plate and attempts to do that, because Changbin is very smart and he usually tries to heed his advice. Unfortunately he only ends up with: JYP made Felix feel bad, so he needs to punch JYP. Two plus two equals four. JYP needs a punch, from Chan’s fist, as soon as possible, preferably now but Felix shouldn’t have to see it, so maybe later—

He's trapped in a pretty gnarly loop when a finger tentatively taps his shoulder.

“Hi. Dr. Bang?”

Oh.

Felix is wearing make-up.

Nari thinks it noteworthy, that Chan can tell when she does and when she doesn’t; she used to joke that men couldn’t do that. But he’s always been able to, ever since his sisters started doing it. And he can tell now; Felix has a sparkly brown eyeshadow on, and eyeliner, and he thinks some mascara too, because his lashes look very long and lush.

He has freckles. Chan missed this when they did the needle decompression together, even though they stood so close, he didn’t realize—

“H-hi.”

Something twists in Chan’s chest—twists so far it snaps, possibly.

“Um. I’m so sorry to bother you—"

“H-hi. Hi Felix!”

He leaps to his feet, not unlike the way he did before, awkward and only slightly less violent, his heartbeat skyrocketing.

“It’s so good to see you again!” Is he yelling? Is this a normal tone of voice to employ in a crowded banquet hall? “How are you? You are not a bother.”

“Oh, um thanks.” Felix smiles. He dusted something shiny under his lower eyelids that sparkles silver when his eyes scrunch up in the gesture. His freckles are everywhere; over the bridge of his nose, his cheeks, his temples, his beautif—big eyes, God just—everywhere, are they—"I just wanted to thank you. For the other day. For letting me do the procedure.”

“Oh.” Chan smiles back at him. “Oh my goodness, of course.” And then, because he heard something in that accent that made him ache. “Are you… from Australia, by any chance?”

Felix’s mouth drops open in surprise, and Chan—"Yes. How did you…?”

“I am too!”

“No way!”

They grin at each other, and the temptation to switch to English is there, but they have a little audience in Changbin, San, and Wooyoung, not to mention it appears Felix’s co-interns are staring at them from their table.

Chan claps him on the shoulder and immediately regrets it. “We should talk sometime.” No. No, they shouldn’t. “I have to hear your life story! Congratulations on making it to residency at SNUH, that can’t have been an easy journey.”

Felix’s eyes warm at the acknowledgement and he nods. “Thank you. It, uh, was hard. I am very grateful to be here. And grateful to you,” he brings it back around, bowing at Chan. “Uh, so yeah. That’s all I wanted to say.”

“Well, you are very welcome, but you did all the hard work. That patient is still alive, by the way.”

“Oh I am so glad to hear that!”

A huge, blinding smile, and Felix leaves.

Chan watches him walk away (his hair is half-up in a messy bun-braid, the waist of his suit is cinched) and then sits back down hard, as if Changbin had shoved him again although he didn’t.

There’s a beat of silence, and then Wooyoung coughs delicately.

He can sense Changbin looking at him.

“What. In the fuck was tha—”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

Seungmin

The fact that there is free-flowing alcohol at these things seems a little ill-advised to Seungmin.

He was already being careful to keep up his water intake but then Felix gets back from talking to Dr. Bang and he gets distracted preventing Felix from gulping down the contents of not only his, but also Seungmin’s and Hyunjin’s glasses all in one go.

“Okay, okay, take it easy, Felix,” Jisung says when Felix starts reaching for his own.

But something seems to have happened during Felix’s little expedition that their eavesdropping and blatant staring did not make immediately apparent.

“He’s Australian, Jisung,” Felix groans in explanation to Jisung, as Jisung tugs his own glass away. Seungmin fails to see how this is as devastating a piece of information as it sounds. “He’s Australian.”

“…Okay.” Hyunjin exchanges a look with Seungmin. “And so are you?”

“Exactly!” Felix sighs, and calms down, but now he just looks sad. “And his nose.” He sighs again, absolutely miserable-looking.

“His nose is… big?” Jeongin asks, like he’s next up in a pub trivia contest.

Felix looks at him and smiles. He seems a bit intoxicated already, his freckled cheeks pink with more than blush. “Exactly,” he says again. “You’re so adorable, Jeongin-ah. Can I call you Ien-ah?”

“Sure, hyung.” Jeongin smiles, his big smile, the dimpled one. He seems pleased to have gotten it right, and also pleased by the nickname. “You think I’m adorable?”

It’s an objective fact, that Jeongin is adorable. And cute. And beautiful. Seungmin doesn’t feel any particular way about it, but those are the facts. Before he can inform Jeongin of this, Jisung and Hyunjin are rushing to support Felix’s statement.

“The cutest!”

“The sweetest smile!”

“You’re soooo cute Ien-ah!”

Seungmin looks down at his own chest. He’s a bit concerned to note that the dizziness and palpitations from the other day have come back. He’s eaten, so it can’t be a hypoglycemic episode after all. Is he anemic? Should he get his thyroid checked?

The night goes on, however, and he keeps getting random bouts of similar symptoms but it never amounts to more. The almost-passing-out feeling he had at the sim lab doesn’t return either, so Seungmin decides that this is not unbearable and he can probably just push past it—there’s a reason doctors make the worst patients, he supposes.

He puts in effort to make conversation with the rest of the intern class; he hates making conversation but it seems premature to divide their class into two social groups of four, so he talks to Jiwoo, Sooah and Harin, the women in the group. They are all very nice and so is the tall guy, Jung. They talk about their respective medical schools for a while and about how apparently Jiwoo is from Busan too; she keeps looping Jeongin on their conversation. She puts a hand on his shoulder to do it, which seems unnecessary because she is sitting next to him. Sometimes it’s hard for Seungmin to tell when someone is being kind versus when they are flirting, but he’s pretty sure Jiwoo is flirting with Jeongin. And if Seungmin can tell, then it must be pretty heavy flirting.

“Seungmin.”

His stomach rumbles; the food isn’t sitting too well with him. He can’t leave yet though, he understands the importance of the rite of passage that is tonight. Dynamics will be established here that will likely continue throughout their residency.

“Seungmin.”

He turns to look at Hyunjin, who is looking at Felix.

Seungmin looks at Felix too, and realizes his mistake. In focusing on the other interns and Jeongin, he neglected Felix for too long.

Turns out that while silently sad, Felix somehow managed to sneak quite a few drinks, by the looks of him. He’s blinking slowly, humming a little to himself, and his face is very red, particularly high on his cheekbones.

“I…” Seungmin glances at the table with their director and Dr. Kim. This is not a good look; they can’t let the higher ups see Felix like this. “He… someone has to take him home.”

Hyunjin nods. They exchange looks, and then Hyunjin sighs. “I’ll do it. I know his address, I can—”

“Hey guys!”

They both startle at a booming greeting from none other than Chief Seo, who has popped up by their table as if by magic, right behind Hyunjin.

“Sunbaeee,” Felix slurs, smiley and clearly tipsy. “You were sitting next to Dr. Bang.” His accent sounds so thick when he’s drunk. “Dr. Bang’s’sssooo nice… d’you know we named our groupchat after h—mph?”

Seungmin has put a hand over his mouth.

“Hello sunbae. How is it going over by your table?” he asks, since Hyunjin seems to have frozen and lost his ability to speak.

“It’s good.” Chief Seo’s sharp eyes are on Felix, who became sweetly mute after Sungmin put his hand on him, and is sitting still and pliant in his grip. “Just wanted to check in.”

Jisung, returning from the bathroom, takes in the scene.

“Sunbaenim, hi.” He eases himself into the empty chair next to Hyunjin, smiling up at the chief. “Uh, what’s up?”

“You tell me.”

He’s all but saying it. Someone has to acknowledge this, since Hyunjin is suddenly mute for some reason.

“Hyunjin’s going to take him home,” Seungmin says. “We’ve, uh, got it covered.”

The Chief looks down at Hyunjin, frowning. “You’re going to miss the pre-residency event of the year? That doesn’t seem fair.”

Hyunjin doesn’t even look up at him in acknowledgement, just nods.

“Nah, I’ll take him,” Chief Seo says. “Tell me his address, I’m sober. I’ll borrow Chan’s car.”

At the mention of ‘Chan’, Felix makes a small noise.

“Someone needs to stay with him,” Seungmin says. He’s pretty sure Felix just kissed his palm a little, and also people are starting to notice that he has his hand on his co-intern’s mouth. This is going to end badly if it doesn’t end soon. “You can’t just drop him off. He lives alone.”

“I wasn’t going to do that, Seungmin,” Chief Seo says kindly. “I’ll stay with him tonight. It’s okay.”

“Isn’t the after-party happening at your house?” Jisung asks.

The chief shrugs. “My co-chiefs are my roommates. They’ve hosted without me before.”

Seungmin thinks about it for a beat, but there’s no one here that he trusts more than Chief Seo. He can tell, in an instinctive way that he doesn’t feel often, that that is a good man and he means what he says.

When he does feel them, his instincts are never wrong.

Changbin

“Bin!”

It’s not that Changbin expected their departure to fly under Chan’s radar (he needs to borrow his car keys, for one); it’s the alacrity with which Chan rushes to catch up to them the second they’ve left the banquet hall, almost ruining their quiet exit and drawing more attention to poor Felix.

“Bin, what’s happening? Is he okay?”

Changbin doesn’t slow in his steps in order to not slow Felix in his, which he is taking carefully and one at a time and only tripping every three or four and falling onto Changbin’s side with a sweet low “Ssssorry, sorryyyy…”

Chan is at their side in seconds, and he’s looking at Felix with big worried eyes.

Changbin hasn’t seen him irradiate this kind of energy quite so intensely ever before. It’s really fucking weird.

“He drank too much, Chan. It’s a classic, nothing terrible.”

“Dr. Baaaang,” Felix says, smiling and waving cutely.

“Hiii.” Chan smiles, so fond that Changbin has to look away, because seriously, what the fuck. “You going home, Felix?”

“Yeah,” Felix responds in English. “Home to sleep. Nighty night.”

“Yeah?” And then Chan says something else in English that Changbin doesn’t understand, but it makes Felix giggle happily and lean heavily on Changbin. He weighs next to nothing, so that’s hardly the issue, but Changbin rights him again anyway.

“What happened to his co-interns?”

“Oh, they were going to take him, I intervened.”

“Changbin, the party is at your place.”

“I know.” He shrugs, careful not to dislodge Felix. “It’s fine. I can miss one party. It’s orientation week, he’s just starting out, he—they deserve to experience this. Them. The interns.”

They’ve made it out of the venue and a judge-y valet leads them towards the waiting area of the parking lot. Felix is not in a place to notice that he is being disapproved of.

“Oh right, can I borrow your car?” Changbin remembers to ask.

Chan hands his keys to the valet right away, but he turns to Changbin. “I should take him.”

Changbin… should have seen this coming.

“No. It’s fine.”

“Changbin. It’s your last year, the event is happening at your apartment, and I’m going to skip it anyway.”

Changbin looks at Chan. He is, of course, stone cold sober, and sounds wonderfully sincere. The truth is that Changbin wouldn’t even be thinking twice about dumping the drunk intern on his beloved friend if he hadn’t picked up on the extremely weird energy between them. Or, more accurately, the extremely weird, extremely intense energy coming from Chan.

He knows Chan is unhappy in his relationship, and Nari is a fantastic surgeon but not a very kind or considerate partner, yet Chan still bends over backwards every day to try to salvage something that Changbin, personally, thinks should have ended years ago. But. A lapful of drunk intern that had him looking like… like…

And then his train of thought hits him, and Changbin is the worst person in the world, actually.

Because Felix is very drunk; so drunk that they had to secret him out of the dinner, he’s not even making it to the afterparty he’s so drunk, and Chan would never. Chan would never, ever. Chan is a good person, the best. Him having a bit of a crush-at-first-sight does not mean he isn’t still a perfectly safe person for Felix to be around in this state.

“Sorry.” He means it, even if Chan looks confused and doesn’t understand why. “You’re right.”

Chan smiles. “I know. You go have fun, text me his address. We confirmed he has his keys with him?”

“In his jacket pocket.”

Chan nods, and Changbin transfers Felix to him. Felix, who was quietly swaying in place during their convo, goes to him so easily, so gently, that for a moment he doesn’t seem drunk at all, he just looks like someone returning to the embrace of their lover whom they’ve missed, and now they get to rest their head on their shoulder again.

That’s the part that’s a bit unnerving, Changbin supposes. He knows Felix and Chan met a few days ago, but how can it be normal, for his head to fit there in such a grossly natural way? Like he belongs in Chan’s arms.

Then again—

“Text me updates?” Changbin asks him, worrying for the kid regardless. Chan will treat him well, but that hangover tomorrow won’t, and if he remembers correctly Felix’s first block on the schedule is the surgical rotation.

“Yeah.” Chan’s voice is soft. “We’ll be okay.”

“Yeah.”

Changbin starts to walk inside, head full. He can’t get the look on Chan’s face out of his mind; he looks like a man who finally woke up after years of sleepwalking through his life. He looks like he just came up for air after drowning, and Changbin knew he was unhappy, but he hadn’t realized he was drowning.

How did Lee Felix rescue him without knowing, without even trying?

Jisung

The chief’s apartment is not as large as the size of the party it contains. The residents are packed in there, and when the group of nurses arrives the space gets ludicrously tight.

Lucky for Jisung, he’s pretty compact. Hyunjin is darting his eyes around cataloguing the space as if someone is going to quiz him on it later, and Seungmin is trying to avoid excessive physical contact with other people and not succeeding much. Jeongin got taken to a dark corner by Jiwoo within five minutes of arrival and is being aggressively made out with, which he seems not to mind.

It's definitely a much sloppier situation than the banquet hall was. Ties are loosened, suit buttons untied, and between the karaoke machine clashing terribly with the pop playing on a set of overhead speakers it’s got the makings of an excellent trashy time.

“I should get us more drinks?” he asks Hyunjin and Seungmin. “Felix drank most of ours at the dinner.”

Hyunjin nods, so Jisung embarks on the quest to the kitchen. He squeezes past his new coworkers at a slow pace, grateful for his little waist as he manages to make his way there by the time the song that started playing when he left is over. The kitchen is really a U-shaped area with a foot of counter space and a half-island, but thankfully there’s only one other person in it.

“Hey, can you pass me three cups?” he prods the broad back of a guy leaning over the sink into a cabinet, and then it hits him, before the guy even turns around, somehow just because of the shape of his shoulders, and his hair; Jisung remembers dark blue scrubs and chest compressions.

“O-oh.” He lets out a gust of air. “Uh.”

The man turns, and Jisung was right.

He’s not wearing a mask anymore, and Jisung was… Jisung is…

“What?”

Jisung exhales again—did he forget to inhale twice?

“I-I was hoping you could pass me some cups,” he says. The man is wearing a dark green collared shirt with two buttons undone and no suit jacket to be seen. His pants are black. He is insanely attractive. He is the most attractive man Jisung has ever seen. His eyes are so piercing—he has bags under them which makes sense, he’s a resident, probably a senior, he must be chronically tired, but somehow even those seem attractive? Jisung is staring.

“Sure.” The resident turns and reaches back up, his ass sticking out just a bit as he reaches, and Jisung stares at it in those pants, stares at the thighs that come after, stares at—the glasses that are thrust in his hands.

He snaps back up, but that was… an in flagrante moment. That was unmissable, and the small smirk on the man’s face confirms that he caught it.

“I’m.” Jisung gulps, because he was drooling. He should say sorry. Say ‘I’m sorry’, Jisung. “I’m Han Jisung.” Fuck.

“Hi, Han Jisung. I’m Lee Minho.”

Minho is still smirking. He leans back against the lip of the sink, appraising Jisung with those eyes under that fringe. Jisung feels like he’s being dissected.

“N-nice to meet you, Dr. Lee,” he stammers, and it gets him an arched brow for his troubles.

“I’m a nurse.”

Oh.

“Ah.” He flushes, wishing a black hole would open up and swallow him. “Shit, sorry. I mean—sorry.”

“Why?”

“I.” He can’t speak. “I. Shouldn’t assume—”

“That a man in the medical field can’t be a nurse? That’s true, you shouldn’t.” Minho’s smirk never quite left his mouth. “But I forgive you.”

“Th-thank you.” He has never sounded stupider. “Um. You were there, when I—when we did the tour. Of the ER. There was a cardiac arrest.”

Minho waits him out, perhaps waiting for him to get to the point.

Jisung does not have one. Jisung is the stupidest person on planet Earth.

“I…” have been thinking about you? That’s insane, right? But he has. He thought about those eyes, the way the mask lightly puffed into his mouth as he breathed, only a little hard after all that physical exertion. He can’t say that though, that’s deranged. But what can he say? What was he going to say?

Minho continues to wait, blinking at him. No mercies for Jisung tonight.

“I-I have a lot of back-to-back ER months at the beginning of the year. You will see me a lot.”

He sounds apologetic. He feels apologetic. Sorry for my existence, Jisung wants to add.

Still, Minho gives him nothing. Jisung’s pulse would get him defibrillated if he was hooked up to a monitor right now, he’s pretty sure (‘clear!’ they’d shout, and the shock would fix him). The glasses in his hands are audibly clinking against each other because his hands are shaking. He needs to say something to distract Minho from the fact that he is trembling so hard that it has a soundtrack.

“H-how long have you been at SNUH?”

“Three years. I was a trainee for the first one, though.”

He doesn’t elaborate further, and Jisung casts his mind desperately around for something else to say, another question maybe, something that isn’t ‘will you just choke me please, so I can stop talking?’ Clink clink clink clink go the three glasses, a cheery musical tune that gives away Jisung’s completely disproportionate, insane reaction to the current scene—

Minho cocks his head to the side. “Are you nervous, Han Jisung?”

Jisung stops breathing.

Clink clink clink clink clink—

Minho stands up straight and then takes a step towards him. The space was already small, and now Minho is right there, right in front of him, so very close.

“Am I making you nervous?”

Clink clink clink clink CRASH.