Archive of Our Own ^beta

Merlin woke with a jolt, a short gasp escaping him as he fought for control over his gangly limbs spread out in his cot. With his mind scrambling for a grip on reality, he shot up quickly, fighting the vertigo. Blinking, his bleary eyes focused on Gaius.

  Gaius, whose face was contorted in pain and fear.

Another jolt shot through Merlin’s body and all traces of sleep vanished.

“Gaius, what’s wrong?” Merlin stood and instantly pulled on his shoes and jacket. “Is it an attack? Is someone hurt? Arthur?”

His voice hitched as he said Arthur’s name, but Gaius thankfully swept it aside.

“It is the king,” he answered gravelly, “A nightmare and- Merlin! Merlin!”

  Merlin didn’t need to hear any more before sprinting to the king’s chambers at a speed only possible with the help of his magic. As he drew closer, Merlin’s heart froze as he heard Arthur’s muffled screams through the door.

The guards took one look at Merlin’s frazzled state and immediately stepped aside as the young warlock nearly broke the door upon entry. He zeroed in on the sound of Arthur’s voice and turned the corner to a heartbreaking sight.

Gwaine and Lance were holding down Arthur’s writhing body as he spasmed in the sheets. His screams tore through the air.

“NO! I CAN’T! NO! DON’T MAKE ME! PLEASE! PLEASE!”

“Let me see him!” Merlin commanded.

Gwaine and Lance turned to their friend. “Merlin,” Gwaine warned, “this is the worst I’ve seen him. Please-”

“Are you really going to tell the one possessing magic to turn the blind eye when my friend is in pain?” Merlin retorted. His gaze was firm and non-negotiating.

   Lance and Gwaine shared a look, Arthur’s body shivering between them as the knights held down their king. With a sigh, Lance forced Arthur’s wrist to Gwaine as he moved to the king’s feet.

Nodding in thanks, Merlin hastened to Arthur’s side.

The young king’s eyes were clamped shut, whimpers and sobs breaking through his lips.

  “Arthur, sweetheart,” Merlin whispered, “can you look at me?”

“No!” Arthur sobbed thickly, “No! Don’t- I can’t- No!”

“You can, Arthur, please,” Merlin pleaded, “Open your eyes, it’s me.”

   Arthur shook his head, his body lurching from the night terror. Gwaine shot a warning glance at Merlin which the warlock promptly ignored.

He sighed.

Whatever Arthur was dreaming, he was further from reality than Merlin guessed.

“Can’t- please- don’t! No-”

“Shh shh shh,” Merlin cooed instinctively, “It’s alright, Arthur. It’s alright.”

“No...” Arthur moaned. He sniffed, and Merlin’s soul cracked when the tears fell from the king’s shut eyes.

Without thinking, Merlin brought his hands to Arthur’s hair. He weaved his fingers through the locks, massaging gently.

“Arthur, it’s me. It’s Merlin,” he whispered, “Gwaine is here too. And Lance. Please, open your eyes.”

Another sob tore through Arthur’s throat as he shook his head vehemently.

“Can’t- please- please don’t-” Without warning, an ear-splitting shriek echoed from Arthur’s chest. Lancelot and Gwaine lost grip of Arthur and fell to the floor. Merlin threw himself over the king’s body, embracing him as tightly as he could.

“Arthur, darling, I’m sorry,” Merlin wept, “I’m so sorry you’re in pain. I’m so sorry.”

The young sorcerer cradled Arthur’s body close as he sat on the bed with him. Merlin drew back to scan the king’s face.

The tears glistened over his cheeks. His jaw was clenched so tight, Merlin feared his teeth would break.

“Arthur, love,” Merlin coaxed, “I know it hurts. I can feel it hurts so much, but I’m here. It’s Merlin.”

He tenderly swept a hand over Arthur’s cheek, bringing their foreheads closer together.

“I know it hurts,” Merlin said once more, “But I need to see you. Please... let me see those blue eyes of yours. Let me see them, darling.”

A choked noise shivered through Arthur. “She says- I... must not,” he murmured. His voice was so small, child-like.

   Merlin softly weaved his hands through Arthur’s hair.

“Who, darling?”

Arthur shook his head. “Please...” he begged, shaking.

Merlin brought him flush against his own body, tucking Arthur’s head safely into the crook of his neck. His arms were iron around the king, secure and safe.

“Gwaine, Lance, I’ll watch over him,” Merlin said over his shoulder.

“Merlin-”

“I’m sure, Lance,” Merlin replied with a slight bite to his voice.

“Come on Lance,” Merlin heard Gwaine’s voice after a beat of silence, “Our princess is safe.”

Only when Merlin heard the door shut again, did he let a steady stream of his magic surround Arthur.

    Merlin would never forget the look of the initial shock and fear on Arthur’s face transform gradually into this child-like wonder as Merlin poured out his magic for Arthur to feel. It loved Arthur immediately, just as Merlin had come to as well. His magic felt Arthur’s insecurity, his low sense of worth, but his bravery and his goodness. It brought out the softness of Arthur that was a rarity to witness. And Merlin was proud to be one source which brought forth that tender quality of the king.

He let his magic comfort Arthur now, wrapping him warmly in a coat of light.

“Shh, shh shhh, shhh...”Merlin cooed, “Alright, love, I won’t force you. It’s alright, I’m still here. I’m here Arthur, darling.”

  He felt Arthur’s body shiver against him. “Can’t- can’t- please-”

“No, no, I won’t,” Merlin promised him, “I won’t. I’ll just be here, darling. I’m here...”

He kissed Arthur’s temple, slowly massaging circles over his back.

“Shh... shhh...” Merlin whispered lovingly. He wove his magic around them, catching Arthur’s sadness.

For a time, the two men sat like that. Merlin listened to the sounds of the night outside Arthur’s window, while the king’s breath slowly evened out.

Merlin felt Arthur move against him and he slowly drew back.

He waited with a comforting smile as Arthur blinked open his eyes. They took a while to gain focus.

“Merlin?” Arthur croaked.

   Merlin hummed, “There you are. There’s my dearest Arthur.”

Arthur turned his head, taking in the rumpled blankets and he subconsciously touched his face. His open eyes widened as he felt the salty tears.

“Did-?”

Merlin nodded, softly rubbing the king’s arms. “Nightmare,” he answered, “Haven’t had one in a while, darling.”

Arthur blinked owlishly at the endearment. Under any other circumstance, Merlin would’ve basked in how adorable his king looked.

“I’m- Merlin, I’m so sorry-”

“Hey, hey,” Merlin cradled Arthur’s face and caught the fresh falling tears, wiping them away gently.

   “Arthur, sweetheart, you have so much on your shoulders. I’m happy to be there for you. Always.”

He smiled, snorting softly. “Although it’s much better now. Your open eyes can see my love.”

Arthur’s eyes welled up at Merlin’s words.

“Come here,” Merlin pulled Arthur forward for a hug and the king’s arms gripped Merlin’s shirt like a vice. The warlock peppered kisses against Arthur’s hair, humming gently. His arms embraced the man he loved.

   “I love you too, Merlin,” he heard Arthur mumble into his neck, his voice thick with emotion. “I never thought you’d want-” A pained noise cut him off.

“What? That I would not find you perfect?” Merlin chuckled fondly. He twisted so that Arthur could look at him.

“You’re wonderful, Arthur. There will never be another like you.”

Arthur blushed, tucking himself back into Merlin’s neck.

   “Merlin,” he scolded bashfully. Merlin laughed, squeezing him lovingly.

“Do you want to lie back down?” he asked after a few seconds went by.

Arthur tensed a bit. “Will you stay?... Please?”

Merlin’s heart melted. “Of course, sweetheart. I’ll stay forever.”

The two men buried themselves under the covers. Merlin brought Arthur close to his side, the young king snug under the warlock’s chin. He idly let his magic twist in the air, telling wordless stories that he knew Arthur loved.

“Merlin?” Arthur’s small voice spoke up.

“Yeah?” Merlin whispered.

“It was my mother,” Arthur said. And Merlin understood instantly.

   He gripped Arthur tighter against his side. “Was she angry?” Merlin asked.

Arthur shook his head, “No, no, she was... she didn’t want me to look. Uther... he was going to execute Morgana and she said...”

Merlin ran his hand comfortingly over Arthur’s side. “Take your time, sweetheart.”

A shiver ran down Arthur’s spine as he heard the pet name, and Merlin silently loved the idea of drowning Arthur in praise for eternity.

“She uhm... she said, ‘Don’t look, darling. Close your eyes. Close them until it’s over. Close your eyes.’”

“Oh, Arthur. I’m so sorry.”

    Arthur drew in a deep breath, “I don’t know what was worse: that I was weak enough to not do anything, or that I was desperate enough to listen to a woman I never knew to gain her approval.”

“Arthur-”

“What would Morgana think? I love her. She’s my only family by blood and I just-”

“Arthur, stop,” Merlin begged. He turned to see the king’s face. Arthur looked up at him with wide eyes.

“Morgana loves you too. Nothing like that can happen; Uther’s dead. And she’s powerful enough to handle anything. Yeah?”

Arthur nodded solemnly.

“And naturally, your mother would come to protect you if something like that were to happen. You long for her, so it is not weak to want to obey her judgement, albeit in a nightmare. You are human, Arthur. You’re perfectly imperfect.”

Arthur sighed, burrowing close to Merlin.

“I love you, Merlin.”

“I love you too, sweetheart. Forever. Are your eyes open?”

Arthur looked at him quizzically, “Yes?”

Merlin smiled, “So you can see my love?”

Arthur smiled in return, “Yes, Merlin, I can see it.”

“Good.”

He kissed Arthur for good measure so that he felt it too.

Fin.