Archive of Our Own ^beta

Penelope Featherington loved Colin Bridgerton. And with time, she had learned to live with it. The way her heart fluttered when he smiled at her, the smile that appeared on her face when he said her name, how happy she felt when she got to spend time with him. All of this had just become a constant in her life many years ago. It was like one of those obvious things people liked to list. The sky was blue, flowers smelled good, Penelope Featherington loved Colin Bridgerton.

But he didn’t love her back.

Because of course he didn’t.

They spent all their free time together, they both had stuff at each other’s flat, they had a weekly board game night , but he didn’t love her back. 

And that was finally starting to take its toll on her. She was beginning to feel really bad, and she just really, really hoped it wouldn’t affect her mental health more than it already had.

Penelope knew it wasn’t healthy, she knew she should have stopped this a long time ago, she should’ve known better than to be best friends with the man she’d loved since they were kids, but she still stayed. Her heart broke every single time she was reminded that being with him had never and would never be a possibility, but for some stupid reason, she still stayed. She was there, with him, when girls hit on him on nights out, or when he said something about a sibling wanting to set him up. And because she didn’t want to lose him, she got over it.

More exactly, she tried to. And somewhere along the way, it just turned into a waiting game. He would find someone someday, and she would be left to mend the pieces of her broken heart — again. And until that happened, she would be here, holding her breath, praying for Colin to not give her up the way she had imagined he would.

“You’re way too stubborn for your own good,” Felicity had just said when she’d caught her sister crying over that same man again. “Pen, please, just tell him.”

“No.”

“Then give it up.”

“Don’t you think I’ve tried already,” she’d just sighed.

Last night, during their weekly board game night, Colin had mentioned something about Anthony wanting to set him up with one of Kate’s friends, and that was just too much for her. She’d tried, she’d lasted years hearing about potential girlfriends, but last night had been the last straw, and she hadn’t been able to brush it off.

“Pen, are you alright ?” He’d asked when he had realized she was starting to look sick.

“Yeah, yeah I just-” she’d breathed deeply, trying not to stutter, or cry, “I must’ve eaten or drunk too much, I don’t feel so great.”

“Penelope, you’ve barely eaten all night,” he’d said, reaching for her hand. “Please. If something’s wrong you can tell me. I’ll always be here if you need to talk, you know that right ?”

She couldn’t do anything but nod.

“I think I’m gonna go back home, I need to get some rest.”

“You can always stay here,” Colin had said hurriedly. “You can take my bed and I’ll sleep on the sofa.”

“No, don’t worry I can just call an Uber. Thanks though,” she’d gathered herself enough to say.

“Goodnight,” he’d said when she closed his front door.

She had gone home, she had cried, and she’d fallen asleep.

It was stupid, really. Colin hadn’t done anything wrong, he merely potentially wanted a girlfriend, which was perfectly understandable. It wasn’t like he was trying to hurt her intentionally, he did care about her after all. Just not in the way she wished he would.

It wasn’t his fault. He wasn’t the bad guy. But night after night, Penelope’s thoughts were only of him, and more often than not, they left her crying.

It was hard to realize she needed to actually move on. But she knew she had to. So she decided to do exactly this.

Penelope Featherington was going to stop loving Colin Bridgerton. 

And maybe then, she would finally be alright. Maybe then, she wouldn’t cry herself to sleep so often.

The following week, she started writing again, something she had somehow given up two weeks ago. And then she found new hobbies, things to do when she was bored, things that took her a while and stopped her mind from spiraling and thinking about Colin.

And finally, she felt better. As if the permanent winter she’d been living in was gone, and flowers were finally growing. As if her life was finally worth something, something real and important. 

In hindsight, these past few months had been awfully Colin-centered and it hadn’t been beneficial for her mental health. Turns out overthinking everything that happened in a day will do that to a person.

So yes, it had been complicated. Boundaries had been crossed, she realized that now. They had been on date nights, they had spent dinner with the rest of the Bridgertons together – and why was she even at the Bridgerton dinner in the first place –, they had held hands for god's sake.

It’s done now. It’s over.

The thought was sad. But Penelope knew it was for the better. Giving up on Colin was something that needed to be done. She thought about him getting a girlfriend, and it still hurt, but for the first time she felt… ok. She was ok thinking that someone else would have him, get the chance to be with him, and that she wouldn’t.

It didn’t seem like much, but for now, it was everything.

However, saying she didn’t love him would be an overstatement. She still did. And she likely would for a while before she managed to move on.

But loving Colin had brought her more sadness than anything else. It hurt. It had broken her heart time and time again. It had brought her hope that he might reciprocate, but of course he didn’t. Hoping for something didn’t make it true, it never did. And loving someone so much that you convince yourself to not give up on them, that maybe one day they might reciprocate, just wasn’t fair. Because sometimes, loving someone simply wasn’t enough. Sometimes, loving someone did not work.

So someday, she would have to stop loving him.

Penelope was busy writing – she had been writing so much lately, it really felt so good to be able to do this again – when she received a text from Felicity.

Felicity : guess who I just saw at the store

Her mind immediately went to Colin, but rationally, she knew he wouldn’t be at the local store on a random Tuesday.

Penelope : well it could be like a dozen different people, so I’m gonna need you to be a little more precise

Felicity : marina

Marina ?

Penelope : what is she doing here 

       Didn’t she have twins like five months ago

Felicity : I don’t see them here anyway

Penelope : why is she in London though

       That’s weird

       She hasn’t been in London in like three or four years

Felicity : ikr and why didn’t she call

Penelope : well go talk to her

Felicity : nuh uh the last time I saw her I was like a teen and if she doesn’t recognize me that’s on her actually

Penelope : ugh you spoiled child

Felicity : yeah yeah ok bye I need to finish my shopping

The last time Marina had been in London, they were eighteen, and had just graduated. They’d organized a party together, invited too many people, and it had been a true mess, but at least they’d had fun for a bit. Then, a few weeks later, Marina had left for uni in some faraway city and hadn’t come back since. Last they’d heard of her, she had gotten married and had given birth to twins.

It always made Penelope sad to think about her cousin. They used to be close when they were kids, but they had grown apart so much these last few years, they hadn’t talked in almost a full twelve months. They weren’t on bad terms, but Penelope’s mother hadn’t always been kind to Marina, and she understood her cousin for not wanting to tell anyone about going back to London if it meant she could avoid Portia Featherington.

She thought back to that graduation party, her writing forgotten already. Fun night, really. Chaotic, for sure, a pain to clean up, furniture ruined, two dozens of people waking up hungover, a lot of embarrassing videos, scandals, but fun.

At some point during the night, she’d stumbled into the kitchen to try and get an alcohol free drink, and she’d found random boys she didn’t even know smoking and making a mess of the entire room. She’d kicked them all out, and only once they had all left had she realized Colin was here.

“I’m so sorry for this, I tried to get them to stop, but they weren’t listening to me,” he just said, his hand touching the back of his neck like he always did when he was embarrassed.

“It’s alright,” she immediately replied — way too fast for her liking. “As long as they didn’t burn the house, I think we’ll be just fine,” she smiled.

He smiled along with her.

She had then gone to the fridge to grab some juice, and at this moment she heard a chuckle.

“What ?” She asked when she turned back to Colin, who was laughing to himself.

“You’re wearing pink.”

She looked down at her dress. A pastel pink dress with flowers pretty much all over it.

“… I am. Why ?”

“I haven’t seen you wear pink in forever. It suits you.”

“Thank you,” she blushed, trying not to make a fool of herself in front of Colin Bridgerton. “I rather like it, it’s way better than the usual yellow.”

“Hm, I don’t know, I like yellow on you.”

“No you don’t,” she scoffed. “No one does.”

“I do.”

Something shifted at that moment. What had been banter just moments ago was turning into seriousness, and she wasn’t sure why.

“Colin, I appreciate the effort, but I can promise you no one has ever liked yellow.”

“It reminds me of the day we met,” he only replied.

Oh.

“The… the day we met ? Like a decade ago ? Why ?”

“Because I was 10, riding my bike in a park, not bothering anyone, and then boom your yellow hat knocked me off.”

“Oh,” she let out. “I mean, yeah, I remember that I guess. Sorry.”

“You didn’t look sorry back then,” he smiled. “But you wore yellow.”

“I always did.”

“And that day, my parents had to get me to the hospital to make sure I didn’t have a concussion, all because of you,” he playfully blamed her. “I forgive you though.”

“I don’t know how I could ever live with myself without it” she rolled her eyes. “Now get out of here before my sisters start thinking something’s up.”

“Something like what ? Us getting drunk together and making out like the dozens of people out there,” he chuckled.

I am not letting this image get the better of me.

“It wouldn’t bother me, you know,” he said when he realized she wasn’t going to reply. “If that’s what worries you.”

“It wouldn’t bother you that people think we’re drunk and making out in the kitchen ?”

“Thinking I’m good enough to make out with you is probably one of the best compliments someone could ever say to me,” he smirked.

Not what he means , she reminded herself.

“Sure, Colin. Out , now.”

“Only if we get to dance together.”

“What ?” Penelope laughed. “No one’s dancing.”

“Well, somebody has to start,” he smirked. “I think you actually owe me a few dances for having knocked me off so violently ten years ago,” he added when he saw she wasn’t having it.

She’d rolled her eyes, but took his hand in hers, trying her best to ignore the feeling of heat this touch provoked.

“Come on, come with me,” he’d told her with that one smile he knew no one could say no to, especially Penelope.

And he’d dragged her out of the kitchen to dance amongst the very drunk, very flirty newly graduates in the house.

How ironic, she’d thought that day. The day that they met, he was the one who fell off and needed to get his wounds checked out. She fell, too. Just not in the same way.

She had fallen in love, and he had simply fallen off his bike.

But at least he cared about her, and even danced with her, and that was something she knew would have to be enough.

Sometimes she wished they hadn’t met this way, and maybe things would’ve been different. Maybe she wouldn’t have fallen in love. 

And here we go, two weeks down the drain.

Penelope sighed, cursing herself for this. She did not need to think about him, nor did she want to. And she most certainly didn’t need to start thinking back to all the parties they’d been to together.

I just have to stop thinking about him. I can do this.

It proved hard to do so when even her own cousin reminded her of Colin.

A few days after this, Penelope was doing better. Yes, she told herself that everyday, but she really believed it. She hadn’t talked to Colin in five days, which, quite frankly, was a new record.

She knew she couldn’t keep avoiding him forever though, especially if she wanted to keep him as a friend – and she really, really, really did.

And just as she was thinking about maybe asking him if he wanted to hang out later this week, her phone rang. Colin.

“Hey,” she picked up. “I was actually about to call you.”

“Were you ? That’s good to know ,” he laughed.

Something was wrong in the way he said it.

“What do you mean ?”

“ Well, it’s been… a while that you haven’t reached out, and I was kinda beginning to think something was wrong, ” he muttered.

She could hear the discomfort in his voice, and she hated herself for it.

“No, of course not, I’ve just been… a little busy, I guess. Nothing’s wrong, I promise.” That sounded both way too truthful and wrong at the same time. “Why were you calling, anyway ?”

“I was wondering if you’d want to go get lunch today,” he replied, a hint of anxiousness in his voice.

“Um, yeah sure,” Penelope said without missing a beat. “Twelve thirty at the usual place ?”

“Meet you there.”

She could hear the smile in his voice. And of course she smiled too.

And at twelve thirty, Penelope got to their favorite Italian restaurant and saw Colin waiting there for her already.

“Hi,” she said when she got close enough for him to hear.

“Hi. Now, shall we ?” he extended an arm to her.

She nodded and took it, walking in.

Conversation flowed, their dishes arrived, and their lunch passed by much quicker than they thought it would.

“Would you… would you like to take a walk ?” Colin asked her once they were out.

This was dangerously starting to look like one of their dates that weren’t actually dates, and she should say no, but she said yes because how could she not when he was looking at her like she was the most important person in his life ?

They ended up on a bench in a random park, way too close for it to be a normal distance between two friends, but she decided to not pay attention to it for the time being.

Eventually, the conversation circled back to what it somehow always circled back to, meaning someone wanting him to go on a blind date.

“I’m just getting tired of everyone wanting me to have a girlfriend. Just because I’m single doesn’t mean I’m miserable, right ?”

“Of course not, but… I mean, do you want a girlfriend ?”

“I don’t know, I guess I just… I feel a little lonely sometimes. But that doesn’t mean I need to find a girlfriend. And maybe Anthony will stop after he fails to set me up with a fourth girl,” he grunted.

“ Fourth ? I thought he’d only tried once.”

“Well,” he trailed off, his hand coming to the back of his neck.

“He set you up with four girls ? Why didn’t you tell me ?”

“Felicity told Hyacinth that you weren’t feeling really good about your own dating life and Hyacinth told me and I just didn’t want you to feel uncomfortable about it,” he said in one breath.

“Felicity said what ,” she repeated. “I’m going to disown her.”

“I’m sure she was only trying to be helpful.”

“How is telling everyone we know that I’ll probably be single forever helpful exactly ?”

“You probably won’t be single forever , I’m sure you could find someone great if you wanted to.”

That was not what she had thought they would be discussing when she’d agreed to lunch.

“Colin, what makes you think I don’t want to ? How do you know that I haven’t been thinking about it for a while before getting to the conclusion that no, I probably will not get a boyfriend, ever, because I’m just not the type people usually notice ? How do you know that I didn’t try already to get someone to notice me ? Because believe me, I tried, I tried the best that I could, and it never worked, because it never will, ” she finally breathed.

There was a pause where neither of them even dared to talk. Colin looked at her with something like hurt in his eyes, and she about to backtrack and blame it on a sudden headache when he finally spoke up.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t realize you were actually looking for someone,” he just said, clearly taken aback by her sudden outburst.

“I didn’t know I was this hopeless,” she simply replied, still a little too worked up for her to sound fine.

“Pen no, that’s not what I meant. I just thought… you’re so…” he tried to steady himself before speaking, knowing now was not the time to say something wrong.

“I’m what ? Forgettable ? Yeah, I know that already.”

“ Perfect .”

What did he say.

“You’re perfect,” he repeated when he noticed she didn’t believe him. “You’re clever, warm, awesome, and probably the best person I know. I love spending time with you, because I know you’ll be the one to make me feel better when I need it, and because you’re kind, witty, and just brilliant . I didn’t know you were looking for a boyfriend because I thought if you wanted one, you would already have one.”

“That’s… very kind of you, colin. I’m sorry for snapping, I shouldn’t have. It’s only… like you said, I guess, it gets lonely sometimes.”

“I’m still here, though. If you ever need me, I’ll always be here.”

“I know that, but I can’t just call you every time I’m feeling sad. What if one of those dates Anthony keeps setting up is actually great ?”

“They won’t be.”

“Now how would you know that ?”

“No offense to people who like it, but I highly doubt going on a blind date is a good idea for me. I think relationships need to be deeper than just liking someone based on one dinner. I think that if I want to have a real relationship, then it’s going to be with someone I already trust and love.”

Penelope did not feel so great anymore.

“And I’d rather be here with you than with whoever Anthony tries to have me meet. You matter to me, Pen. I want you to know that,” he resumed.

“I know.”

It was all starting to get too much for her. She was dangerously close to tears, and she just couldn’t .

“ And we’re not even thirty , it’s not like we didn’t have time before settling down, right ?”

“Yeah. I guess we need to enjoy being in our twenties before stressing out about life.”

They stayed a while there, in silence.

At some point, Penelope let her head fall on his shoulder, and he only scooted closer, grabbing her hand.

Penelope had spent days, if not weeks, trying to get over what she felt for Colin. And in the span of three hours, in order to prove to herself they could still be friends, she had gone back to not being over it. She was right back to square one.

As the thought dawned on her, she realized she needed to leave before it got too serious. But she couldn’t. Colin just seemed so peaceful, so at ease, she couldn’t take that away just yet.

So she stayed.

Again.

When she got back home later that day, with no surprise, she cried.

She had to face it, no matter how many times she told herself she would get over it, it was plain as day now that she most likely wouldn’t.

She would spend the rest of her life pining over someone she’d known for most of her life, and that would not change.

She thought about what Colin had told her, the speech about her being perfect and not believing she couldn’t get a boyfriend.

How fucking ironic.

Penelope didn’t know if she was feeling sad or angry, so she just did what knew would calm her regardless ; write. She took her laptop out, opened a document, and put all her feelings into words.

Four hours later, she found herself facing a 7k doc.

So basically I just psyched myself out .

She was aware she was just rambling, and those 7k words could be summed up with only ‘I still love you, I can’t, so I won’t, please don’t invite me out again, I might have been depressed because the worst part is that it’s not even your fault, yes we acted like a couple for a while, I know that starting the whole holding each other’s hands thing was stupid, I should’ve backed off years ago, I thought I was finally getting better but I’m not, I just hope you’ll find a girlfriend who makes you happy the way I never will, all of this hurts so much, I have to stop’ but it just felt really good to have been able to pour her heart out onto the page.

A week passed by this way, and it was long . But at least, Penelope’s family had decided to act like a family again, and that had taken her the better part of the week to recover.

She got to spend time with her favorite cousin, though, and Marina had had her meet her husband, George, and her kids. They were all just so adorable.

Marina had left yesterday, going back to living hours away, so now Penelope was getting some time alone for the first time since she’d last gone out with Colin.

This time however, she could swear she was fine. Like, completely, absolutely, fine.

She wasn’t quite over him, but she was better. She’d realized she didn’t need to stop loving him completely to be fine, and that was a relief, really. It had hurt, it didn’t anymore, and she was quite proud of herself for this.

She came back home after lunch with her sisters, and it just suddenly felt empty, so she put on some music. Something about belting out the lyrics to her favorite songs just really helped feel better.

An hour later, she found herself singing clean by Taylor Swift and for a moment, she thought she might get there someday. Maybe she would, that would be great.

Her phone buzzed, interrupting her train of thoughts.

Colin : are you avoiding me ?

She took everything back, she would never manage to not feel anything.

Penelope : of course not

      why

Colin : Pen, I know you, I know when something’s wrong

  are you avoiding me

Penelope : Colin stop it I’m not avoiding you

I just needed to be alone for a while

Colin : why didn’t you reach even out once then

That was a really good question. One that she didn’t have the answer to. And truthfully, she was growing tired of this whole thing. 

Fuck it , she thought. If she was going to be living with all of this, then Colin should at least know it.

Penelope : Ok you wanna know why I didn’t reach out

I’ve been in love with you since I was 10 and you never noticed, ever, and I’ve been gaslighting myself into thinking that maybe, someday, you would, and that somehow I wouldn’t have wasted 12 years of my life. What a fucking bad joke. Of course you never noticed, and yet I somehow still read into things and got my hopes up. It was useless, and I’ve been stupid. I’m not angry with you, if that’s what’s bothering you, actually. It’s not your fault, and I’m not holding you accountable just because I was dumb enough to hope for something not even real. So yeah, I’ve been avoiding you, because I can’t keep on loving my best friend until you suddenly find someone and I’m left all alone. And just the thought of seeing you being with someone who loves you and that you love back breaks my heart all over again because I know I can’t, so I’d rather stop this right now than just wait and then act all surprised when it happens. I just don’t think you understand how much it hurts. Loving someone so much you’re ready to see them get the life that they always wanted, without you, hurts. Loving you hurts. And I’ve been doing that for more than a freaking decade . I was there in high school when every girl had a crush on you, when basically all my friends only wanted to get close to you. I was there when half of the girls at school were literally having manifesting sessions hoping you’d invite them to every fucking party. I was always there, every single time, and you have no idea how many times I was reminded that loving you first meant nothing. And now it just feels like I’m dying . It feels like I’ll never be happy. And I don’t want to spend my life feeling this way. I’ve just been breaking my heart and mending it over and over again all this time for NOTHING so now I’m just sick of it. I’m sick of sticking around waiting, hoping for something that’s NEVER going to happen. I really, really thought there was a chance, you know. Until now, I thought there was a way for this to be true. I really wanted it to be true. But we both know it won’t ever be. I can’t waste another decade crying over someone who doesn’t feel the same way. It’s tiring. I swear, I tried being ok with it. But it’s not fair. I deserve better than just standing by, hoping someday it’ll get better. I didn’t choose to feel this way, and I think it’s time I stop. So yeah. I can’t love you anymore.

She pressed send immediately, before she changed her mind. After this, he probably wouldn’t talk to her again, and perhaps it was for the better. Perhaps if they didn’t talk anymore, she would be able to finally, actually, live as if she hadn’t literally been made to love Colin.

Well, maybe that was a bit dramatic, but it sure felt like this most of the time.

She let herself cry, again , quietly. It was almost healing to know that Colin knew everything now. It was relieving in some way. It might just have cost her their friendship, but at least her conscience was fine.

And maybe someday I’ll be able to say that I don’t love you. Maybe someday I’ll mean it.

She put her phone in flight mode and went back to listening to her favorite songs.

After a while, Penelope got up from her chair to start making dinner. She caught her reflection in the mirror in the hallway and sighed. She was still crying and her cheeks and eyes were red. Thank god she hadn’t planned yet another dinner with her family tonight, she would rather die than have someone see her like this.

Ok, breathe. I’ll be alright. It’ll be fine in a few days, I’ll forget him. Somehow. Someday. I’ll just-

She heard a knock on her door.

Penelope walked to the door, thinking maybe it was one of her sisters who needed her to babysit, or Felicity, who wanted to have a movie night.

“Penelope.”

It was Colin.

Whatever he had come to tell her, she didn’t want to hear it. She just closed the door, but Colin was quicker and pushed it back open before she could completely close it.

“Colin, please, just leave already.”

“No, I need to talk to you.”

“Why ? So you can tell me things I already know ?”

“Pen, just listen to me. Please.”

That’s when she noticed he looked a little breathless.

“Did you… run to my door ?”

“I called a taxi but there was too much traffic and it dropped me off a few streets away and the elevator wasn’t quick enough so I just ran up the stairs,” he said in one breath.

“Colin, I live on the fifth floor.”

“I know that. Now will you please let me in ?”

She sighed, but did as he asked.

Colin entered, never taking his stare off of her. She then realized that she was wearing an old gray sweater that was way too big for her, a random pair of shorts she didn’t even remember buying, her hair was in a messy low ponytail, her eyes were still red, she wasn’t wearing any makeup, everyone could clearly see she’d been crying just three minutes earlier, and she basically looked really bad.

She decided she was not going to talk first, because honestly there was a fifty percent chance she would either burst into tears or not even be able to form a proper sentence. So she waited.

“I didn’t know you…” He paused, avoiding her stare. “I didn’t know you loved me.”

She heard the way his voice became quieter on these last words. 

“Does it really embarrass you that much ?” she replied. “I promise you, I don’t need you coming here to just to tell me I was stupid .”

“That’s not- Pen that’s not what I came to tell you.”

“Well, go on then. I’m not your type ? I’m not pretty enough, not popular enough, not funny enough ? I’m just your little sister’s childhood friend ? You barely even see me as your friend anyway ? What is it ?”

“None of it,” he answered. “It’s none of it. And I’m so sorry for not having noticed your feelings.”

“Colin, why would you care ?” she said, her voice louder. She could feel the tears coming back already.

“Because I noticed you . Because I… Because I love you .”

She froze.

He what now.

She knew she was crying again.

“Don’t you dare say this. You have absolutely no idea how much that hurts. You have no right to say this to me.”

“But it’s true,” he protested, his voice sounding truer and more raw than she’d actually ever heard him. “I love you,” he repeated. “I’ve loved you since I was fourteen. I’ve only ever loved you . You’re the only person I ever wanted to be with, you’re the reason why I keep saying no to Anthony’s blind dates. You’re amazing, Penelope, and I don’t understand how everyone else isn’t in love with you already,” Colin admitted, a nervous laugh escaping. “I meant what I said last time. You’re perfect. And when I said I’d rather be in a relationship with someone I already knew and loved, I was talking about you . I was going to ask you out right after, but then I just got scared you’d say no, because you’re the most important person I have in my life, and I don’t think I could actually live without having you near. I am in love with you, Pen. And I’m so sorry that you thought even for a second that I wasn’t.”

No one talked for a few seconds, and it seemed like twenty years for Colin. For the first time since he’d decided to come here, he thought, what if it doesn’t matter anymore ? What if she doesn’t care ? The thought terrified him now, but it was too late, and he needed her to know all of this.

“You… are in love with me ?” was all Penelope could say for a while.

Colin could only nod, seemingly growing more anxious by the second.

“And you wanted to ask me out ?” she asked, her voice small.

He nodded again.

“Oh.”

She started crying again and used her sleeves to wipe the tears away, turning away from Colin just a little.

Colin noticed and without thinking, immediately came closer and cupped her cheeks, forcing her to look at him at the same time. As his thumbs caressed her cheekbones, her eyes softened, and finally he could see her emotions. He could see how tired, sad, hurt she was.

“I’m sorry,” he said, almost in a whisper.

She didn’t say anything. She just looked up at him, her icy blue eyes showing him everything she’d been feeling.

After a few seconds, her hands covered his on her cheeks, and she didn’t look so sad anymore.

“I’m sorry too,” she finally replied.

“For what ?”

“Not having told you sooner.”

“It was my fault,” he shook his head. “Please don’t apologize.”

Colin was not letting Penelope think she was in the wrong here.

He saw her smile a little, the first time since he’d arrived. It was tiny, but it was here. And that was all the encouragement he needed.

“Pen, can I… can I kiss you ?”

Once again she looked as shocked as when he’d told her he loved her, but she nodded.

Colin leaned in and finally did what he had been dreaming of for years.

Colin Bridgerton kissed Penelope Featherington.

And it was glorious.

Her lips were soft, and she felt like home. She truly was perfect.

His arms wrapped around her waist to hold her close as hers tightened around his neck.

They pulled away eventually, and he couldn’t do anything but grin at her.

“I love you,” he repeated.

She grinned too.

“Does this mean you forgive me ?”

“I never held it against you in the first place,” she laughed. “Does this mean we’re dating ?” she asked.

“Well, I hope so,” he smirked, looking at her with so much fondness in his eyes she thought she might faint. “What do you think ?”

“I’d very much like to date you.”

He kissed her again.

“Can I stay at your place tonight ?” Colin asked once they parted. “Not because I want us to- I mean-“ he panicked. “I just wanna be close to you.”

God I sound so sappy, he thought.

“Movie night ?” Penelope smiled.

With a grateful nod, he followed her to the living room and they chose something to watch. They cuddled up on the sofa, Penelope’s head on Colin’s shoulder and his arms around her. This was probably the happiest they had ever been in forever.

By the end of the movie, Penelope was practically sitting on Colin’s lap — not that he complained about it.

“Come on, it’s time to sleep,” he nudged her. “Pen.”

She reluctantly got up, and Colin decided that not being able to touch her at any given moment was unacceptable and put his arm around her waist, kissing her forehead.

They both got ready for bed, Colin took the clothes he knew he already had at Penelope’s house, and then again they ended up pressed up against one another, enjoying the feeling of comfort and belonging that it brought the both of them.

Right now, it just felt like the two of them, together, and nothing else mattered. And for the first time, Penelope didn’t stop that thought. This time, she wasn’t dreaming. It was real, Colin was here and he loved her too, and she wouldn’t need to dream of what it would be like to be with him anymore. She would just open her eyes and see for herself.

This was better than any dream she had had over the years.

That night, Penelope fell asleep in the arms of the one she had loved for most of her life. Colin fell asleep holding the girl he’d always dreamed of. And nothing would ever feel better than this.

Penelope Featherington still loved Colin Bridgerton. She wasn’t about to stop anytime soon — she wasn’t about to stop, ever. And Colin Bridgerton wasn’t about to stop loving her either.