Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

God, how the fuck are they gonna make the rent this month? 

Ryuji leans over the kitchen counter with a heavy sigh. He's bad at math, but the calculator doesn't lie - Tokyo is an expensive-ass place to live and they've been struggling to make ends meet as is. 

But then he had to go and do the most Ryuji thing possible by losing his job. 

“Fuck,” Ryuji kicks an empty box across the floor that once contained a six-pack of cheap beer. They can't even afford the cheap beer that tastes good anymore, it's just wheat and bitterness and sadness in a can. It's not his fault he lost his job! The cook was an ass and he had it coming especially because fast food burgers aren’t supposed to be deep fried -

The door to his and Ren’s shitty little studio creaks open, and Ryuji pauses in his little rage fit to peek around the corner. His aforementioned roommate is stepping inside, toeing off his shoes and stowing his umbrella… the cat is nowhere to be found and Ryuji raises an eyebrow with suspicion because Ren doesn't go anywhere without him. 

“Hey, dude. Where's Mona?” 

“Staying at Leblanc,” Ren tells him. “Futaba wanted to…” He makes a vague gesture, then shrugs. “I don't know. Cuddle with him or something. Says he's her good luck charm.” 

“Right, she's applying for entrance exams, huh?” 

Ren nods, and a tense silence stretches between them as he gives Ryuji a knowing look - damn it's awkward because Ryuji knows what's coming but he doesn't want to face it - 

“You found a new job yet?” 

Ryuji groans. 

“...I'll take that as a no,” Swinging his keys around his finger, he hangs them on the little hook in the antechamber along with his coat. He's got this smug-ass smile on his face like he's planning something - Ryuji grumbles and crosses their little apartment to collapse onto the futon in the middle of the floor because whatever it is, he doesn't want to hear it. Ren’s found jobs, sure, but most of them are host jobs or, god forbid, maid services, and in no way is he desperate enough for stuff like that. 

Though, as he eyes the rent bill up on the counter, maybe he is now. 

“I found something interesting today,” Ren hedges, and Ryuji can hear him stepping closer. 

“Is it gainful, ethical employment? Because otherwise, I think I'm good.” 

“Mmm. Gainful? Yes,” Ryuji’s ears perk up a little at that. “ Ethical? Depends on who you ask, I guess.” 

Ryuji scoffs. “Dude, I'll take basically anything at this point. We got up to so much trouble in high school, I doubt it would surprise me much - just, no putting me in a dress, ‘kay?” Yeah, he’s desperate. But not that desperate. He’d rather be living in a cardboard box on the street. 

Ren taps him on the forehead, and when Ryuji opens his eyes his roommate's phone is dangling in front of his face. Displayed on it is a colorful, almost cheery ad and he has to squint to read the text displayed. 

Seeking amateur boy’s love films. Solo or more. Pay dependent on content and video length, minimum 5000 yen -

“Dude, what the fuck?” Ryuji sputters, scrambling away from the phone like it's diseased. “Why would you think I'd wanna do this?” 

Ren is laughing and no matter how punchable his face is, Ryuji unfortunately knows better than to try. He'd be on his ass in a second. For a lanky guy, he's surprisingly built - not to mention that, most of the time, the guy has a plan so maybe he is actually going somewhere with this. 

“It pays good,” Ren says, shrugging as he sits cross-legged down on the futon across from him, still looking rather amused as Ryuji's reaction. “It's not like it would mean anything. You don't even have to show your face.” 

As much as Ryuji is perturbed by all of this, he is still listening. Right now, they're going to miss rent. One more time and they're probably looking at getting the boot. A little extra cash could do them good, but… 

“What would I even be doing? ” 

“I dunno. From what the ad says, pretty much anything goes, but it'll probably need to be pretty explicit if you want to make any decent profit off of it.” 

Ryuji shudders a little. “So, what, jerking off on camera or something? I don't know, man…” 

“Your call,” Ren shrugs. “But I would like to make rent this month.” 

Ryuji thinks on it for a long moment. It's not like it would actually mean anything, right? He's not gay, after all. As long as he doesn't go on and on about nice racks on camera or something, it would be just fine. Right? 

“Okay,” Ryuji says slowly, haltingly. “I’ll do it, but only if you do it with me. Ain’t no way I’m letting some randos film my junk.”

“Oh, no worries there. I already signed up.” 

“What?” 

Ren’s smirking over at him, eyes squinted just so beneath his overlarge glasses in that way that makes Ryuji want to tackle him. “What? It sounded like fun.” 

“For real,” Ryuji responds drily, because who the hell thinks that would be fun? Well, honestly, if anyone would… 

Yeah. All of this kind of tracks. Ren’s a real showoff, he likes being the center of attention no matter how quiet or unassuming he may be. Ryuji could even go so far to say that his calm indifference is a carefully manufactured part of Ren Amamiya’s plot to charm basically anyone within a ten-foot radius. Including him, or else he wouldn’t be living with this… disaster of a man. 

“So, what? We’re doing porn now?” Ryuji raises a brow, and Ren laughs again - such a clear, innocent sound despite the topic of conversation. 

“You could say that,” Ren adjusts his glasses slightly, looking down at his phone. “Better than fruitlessly looking for other work. Now,” He snaps his fingers to bring his roommate to attention, and Ryuji hates that it works. “Nicknames.”

Chapter Text

After many hours of grueling conversations and half a pack of cigarettes (mostly smoked by Ren because Ryuji still feels gross doing it after all his time in track), they have come up with some half-decent nicknames to use on the small collection of seedy sites their unmentionables may turn up on. 

Ren will be ‘Joker,’ and Ryuji ‘Skull.’ An old callback to an in-joke amongst them and their friends. Speaking of friends, none of them are to know this is going on, if only because Makoto in particular would have a conniption - and, honestly, Haru would probably want a link and both he and Ren agreed that they didn’t know how to feel about her staring down their junk, digitally or no. 

“So,” Despite himself, Ryuji has a cigarette in hand as he leans over the balcony, ashing it onto the side street below. “When do we do this?” 

“Sooner the better,” Ren shrugs. “Rent’s due in four days, right?” 

Ryuji nods; Ren taps at his phone. “Looks like payments come twice a week. Rent’s due on Friday, payments come through on Wednesdays and Saturdays.” 

“So you’re saying we should get it on - get a move on?” 

Ren laughs a bit too loud at Ryuji’s slip - Ryuji punches him. “Jesus, dude - yes. I mean, I’m off work, and when I got home you looked like you were busy doing jack shit, so.” 

“You saying you want to start now? ”  Ryuji’s eyes widen. It’s one thing to talk about it, another thing entirely to actually… y’know, do it. He’s not exactly sure how to feel about this whole situation still. Whoring himself out to the wider internet? What if some prospective employer down the line finds out? Sure, Ryuji’s more of a ‘family business’ kind of person, but… still. 

“Like I said,” Ren tells him, basically reading his goddamn mind , god it is creepy when he does that - “You don’t have to show your face. Besides, I was gonna go first, anyways.” 

“Oh,” Ryuji replies dumbly and somewhere in the back of his mind that is totally fine with him - but then he’s faced with reality more bitter than their choice of beer as Ren steps back inside, already removing his shirt and tossing it to the floor. His heart jumps into his throat - he’s seen his best friend naked before, they’ve been to enough bathhouses together, but this is… it’s different. It’s weird. 

Ren’s removing his jeans, now, only clad in his dark-gray boxers, and Ryuji laughs nervously as he abandons his cigarette to follow him back inside. As he tugs the patio door closed - it always sticks a little during monsoon season - he finds that his hands are shaking a little. Why the hell is this putting him on edge so much? It’s just Ren.  

“This is kind of gay, dude,” Ryuji says as he turns around, swallowing. Ren’s already settling himself comfortably on his futon against the wall. 

“What’s a little homoerotic tension between friends?” He replies coolly. “Now, go get the tripod. We can use my phone, your camera’s too shitty.” 

“My camera is just fine, thank you very much,” Ryuji scowls, but he is glad that he won’t have… whatever this is about to be saved forever on his phone. Even if it will probably be burned into the back of his eyelids until the end of time. 

---

All Ryuji Sakamato can do is watch quietly as Ren puts on a show for the tripod. 

He’s only really been tasked with starting and stopping the video when necessary - which, frankly, isn’t much - according to Ren, the less they cut or edit the better. “It’s supposed to be amateur, after all,” He had said, and while Ryuji has watched enough porn to understand the genre he thought it still might be filmed in… y’know, a studio. With lights and cameramen and stuff. Like, it says ‘amateur’ on the tin but it’s actually the professional stuff? 

Anyway, Ren’s pretty good at this. 

He hasn’t even taken his boxers off yet. With the camera angled precisely below his chin, Ren is simply… relaxing in front of the camera. Touching himself. His chest, his neck, his sides. Ryuji’s always been a ‘crank the hog and get the hell out of dodge’ kind of guy - he never thought that something as simple as jerking off could be so… sensual. But hell, everything Ren Amamiya does has some kind of weird and/or borderline dorky flair to it… and no matter what it is, he always looks damned good doing it. 

“How do I look?” Ren asks, and Ryuji is about to respond before he realizes that his friend isn’t asking him , he’s asking the viewers. The prospective ones, anyways. Who knows how many people will actually watch this stuff. 

All things considered, Ren makes for a good subject for a gay porno, as weird as it is for Ryuji to admit. He’s pretty and lean, but still toned with a… a sharpness to him. Hell, Ryuji isn’t a poet, he doesn’t really know how to describe it, but he does know that Ren looks a lot like the thumbnails he’s seen on many a gay porn video in the past. Not that he’s ever clicked on one, because, well. He’s not gay. They come up on accident sometimes when it’s on autoplay, but - 

Ren’s hands travel sensually down his front and Ryuji’s brain stutters a little when he pinches at one of his nipples. His friend makes a soft sound that he’s fairly sure he’s never heard before; well, maybe he has, through the thin bathroom wall, no matter how much Ryuji tries to ignore it. Man’s got needs; so does he, but this is different because he’s just sitting there, crouched behind the camera, watching him. 

He must be into the nipple shit or something, because Ryuji realizes Ren is getting hard . His heartbeat ticks up a bit, his breath shallows out; he can’t figure out if he’s trying to take notes or just view this from a purely scholarly standpoint. Being a little gay for science, He tells himself. To make rent and buy less crappy beer.  

Ren’s cock - jesus - it twitches in his boxers and Ryuji swallows thickly. It’s… bigger than he remembers it being, though he supposes he’s only ever seen it flaccid. Dark eyes flick upwards under thick lashes, up at the camera and then further out from it. At him, Ryuji realizes. Those eyes are saying watch and learn , amongst a thousand other things he can’t pick out right at this moment because he’s pretty sure he’s short-circuiting a little. 

Ryuji is watching his best friend get off on camera for rent money, because he can’t seem to hold a job for longer than a month. A deep pit of guilt opens up in his stomach; he shouldn’t be so chicken, he should be the one in front of that camera right now if they’re hurting for cash that bad. Hell, at least Ren works at the cafe.

His self-sacrificial nature has him reaching over to pause the video - Ren pauses, too, looking up at him quizzically despite the pale flush in his face that is slowly traveling down his chest. “What’s the matter?” He asks. 

“It’s my fault we’re in this mess,” Ryuji grumbles, hoping he doesn’t regret this. “Let me in there. I’ll… help or something, I dunno.” 

Ren’s expression is impossible to read, but after a brief moment he beckons Ryuji over. “Sit behind me,” He says, “And restart the video. I’ll cut it later.” 

Ryuji ends up taking off his shirt - he can blame the humidity, but really it just felt weird to have his shirt on in a porn video - before settling himself between Ren and the wall. Ren’s a little taller than him, but he slouches just a little to let Ryuji hook his chin over his friend’s shoulder - he’s met with a view of the flat plane of his chest all the way down to the half-chub he’s still sporting in his boxers. 

“What should I do?” Ryuji whispers, keenly aware this is all being filmed and he isn’t too sure how to feel about that, nor does he know if he should talk or not - could someone recognize him just by his voice? 

“Lean up, we don’t want your face in frame,” Ren replies calmly, and Ryuji obeys dutifully, his head bumping up against the wall. “Just touch me or something. Whatever you want.” 

Ryuji squeezes his eyes shut. He’ll just pretend it’s a girl, easy enough. Just… slide his hands up his sides, back down, thumb at the very not-girl jut of Ren’s hip bones - but the sound Ren makes is encouragement enough and hey, what’s a little gay between friends, right? 

Fuck it, he thinks to himself, and his hands slide up to Ren’s chest. His eyes are still closed, but he can hear a soft sshf as his roommate shucks off his boxers. When Ryuji mimes the same motion Ren did before, pinching one of his nipples between his thumb and forefinger, Ren makes a strangled sound in the back of his throat and Ryuji grins victoriously. 

As weirdly homoerotic as this may be, at least he’s finding new ways to push Ren’s buttons; he leans up into Ryuji’s touch, and even if he can’t see what Ren’s doing he can certainly hear it. 

It’s… different than he would have pictured. It’s not the furious jerking off that most straight porn actors do, like they’re just trying to get it over with; it’s slow, calculated, measured, just like everything else Ren does. 

Ryuji can’t lie. It is kind of hot. Ren’s good at this, good enough that even Ryuji ‘hides ecchi manga under his bed’ Sakamoto might be just a teensy weensy, itty bitty bit turned on by this. 

Just… just a little, as Ren makes a small noise bordering on a moan as Ryuji’s hand slides down his stomach. It bumps awkwardly into another hand - the one that’s busy down there - and Ryuji has to force himself to stay quiet as Ren reaches up to grab his wrist. 

He wants to say ‘no, dude, gross, you were just touching your dick with that hand,’ but instead Ryuji is only met with some kind of sick fascination as Ren guides his hand southward. His stomach coils into knots as he wraps his fingers around something hard and warm - oh jesus he’s touching Ren’s cock, he realizes, and he also realizes it’s not nearly as vomit-inducing as he thought it would be. 

It’s kind of nice, actually, and not too different from his own. The skin is soft, and he can feel it pulsing gently under his touch - this whole situation has exited ‘weird’ territory to plant itself in the ‘this is just what being Ren’s friend is like’ camp, and frankly Ryuji would rather not argue and instead just do what his roommate wants so they can get their bag and forget this ever happened. Next time, it’ll just be Ryuji on camera, solo, and then they don’t have to do… weird gay shenanigans ever again. It’ll be fine.

Ryuji thinks so, but as he begins to pump Ren up and down like he’s done to himself so many times all coherent thought flies from his mind because Ren is moaning outright now and bucking his hips into him like his hand is the last proverbial drops of water in an endless desert. 

Am I hard? Ryuji thinks fuzzily to himself as he picks up the pace a little. Ren’s breath is coming in gasps, his head tilting back - without thinking, Ryuji is nibbling on the shell of his ear in that way that always gets girls to go crazy and evidently it is not a gendered experience because his friend bucks his hips up once, twice, and then -

And then, Ryuji’s hand is very, very sticky, and he is also rock-hard in his sweats behind his best friend. 

It’s like he gets the aftereffects of Ren’s own post-nut clarity - reality comes crashing in and Ryuji pulls his hand away a little, his pulse a sharp thump in his ears as he realizes what just happened. He just - he just jerked off his friend. On camera, for the world to see. 

What. The. Hell. Is. His. Life. 

“You think that was good enough?” Ren asks breathlessly, head lolling backwards a little, all loose-limbed after his orgasm. Wish I could cum, Ryuji thinks to himself but immediately banishes the thought to the deepest depths of his psyche. 

“I dunno, man, probably,” Ryuji manages to say, already trying to wiggle out from underneath Ren. Oh, he is trying to ignore the rampant hard-on he’s sporting but it isn’t working and it isn’t going away, all he can picture is Ren’s bare chest and hear the sounds he was making and - 

“What, not even gonna help clean up?” Ren protests as Ryuji books it to the bathroom. 

A ratty washcloth is tossed in Ren's direction, and Ryuji hops into the coldest shower he’s ever taken in his life. 

Chapter Text

When Ren returns from work the next day, he looks much cheerier than usual. 

Normally, he has the same blank, dead-eyed stare of any twenty-something working full time - given than his job is much better than most - but today he’s got a pep in his step, a weird little grin on his face, which Ryuji takes instant notice of as he pops up from where he’s been scrubbing the floor.

“Hey, dude,” Ryuji stands up, stretching - god, he hates cleaning the floors, but if he doesn’t have a (steady) job right now he’s at least going to do some housework. “Why are you so cheery?” 

Ren hangs up his keys like he normally does, before crossing the gap and practically shoving his phone in Ryuji’s face. “We got paid,” He says, grinning toothily. 

The phone reads out a direct deposit of 15,000 yen. 

15,000 yen?!

“Holy shit,” Ryuji’s eyes widen. This can’t be real, right? “For real?” 

“For real,” Ren parrots teasingly. “You should read the comments, they’re gold -” 

Ryuji swallows as anxiety blooms in his chest. “Um, nah, I’m good I think-” 

“ Dude, the other guy looks so hesitant. This is so hot.” Oh, he’s just - he’s just gonna read them to him anyways. With a sigh of defeat, Ryuji pulls out one of the stools at their counter plops himself into it, idly fiddling with the sparse basket of fruit there (a housewarming gift from Haru - neither of them want to eat the peaches yet, they’re for a special occasion). “ Dude’s pretty lean, you think he’s flexible too?”

“Dude,” Ryuji sputters uselessly. 

“Hey, fifteen thousand yen is fifteen thousand yen. That’s more than enough to cover rent and then some.” 

Well… he’s right, and Ryuji hates that he’s right. “Why was it so much? I thought the minimum was five-thousand.” 

“We got enough views to get a little more for it.” 

“...Just how many views?” Ryuji asks, his voice small. 

“Um, let me see…” Ren scrolls through his phone, biting his lip. “Five-thousand or something? Pretty good.” 

“ Five-thousand? ” Ryuji chokes briefly on his own spit. Five- thousand people have seen that, have seen him… choking Ren’s chicken. Oh, god. At least no one knows who they are? 

“I know, right? It’s awesome, with enough content we could both quit our day jobs.” 

“You’d never quit Leblanc, and you know it,” Ryuji scoffs, shaking his head. Why could Ren have asked him to do normal porn? Normal porn would have been fine, or at least easier to wrap his head around. This is… this is advanced porn territory and he doesn’t even know how all this gay stuff works. 

“Yeah, you’re probably right. Anyways - let’s go out.” 

“...Out?” 

“Yeah!” Ren’s eyes are positively sparkling and god, Ryuji can’t say no to that face. “We have the extra money. Let’s go get ramen or something, I’m tired of convenience store onigiri and shitty beer.” 

“I like that onigiri,” Ryuji pouts, “But I wouldn’t complain about some nicer beer…” 

By all rights, they should just save the money, but once Ren has a plan there’s no stopping him. He wants to… celebrate , so Ryuji supposes he’ll just have to go along with it. Not to mention if the excited look on his roommate’s face was dimmed in any way it would kill him inside. He’s done it before and the kicked puppy look Ren gets is never, ever worth it. 

“Alright, alright. Let me get dressed.” 

---

A shower and a train ride later, they’re sitting at Ryuji’s favorite ramen place, and oh god is Ryuji in heaven. 

“Sho good…” He mumbles dreamily around a bite. It’s so salty and greasy and delicious, and the noodles are cooked perfectly. Maybe this porno stuff isn’t so bad after all. It’s perfectly legal, right? As long as no one finds out, they could eat like this every day. Now that would be a dream come true. Ren is watching him from across the table as he picks at his own food - he’s never been as enthusiastic about food as Ryuji, but he definitely seems to be enjoying watching him. 

Ren has a weird look on his face, too, like he’s… fascinated or something. A strange tingle traces its way up Ryuji’s spine and he shivers a little because his friend’s stare is… intense sometimes, to say the least, even behind the glasses. Why’s he looking at him like that, anyways? 

“So, I was thinking,” Ren mumbles around his drink. “Wanna try filming again tonight?” 

Ryuji stutters a little in his eating. “Um - huh? Tonight?” 

“Well, the power bill is due on the eighth and I don’t get paid until the tenth -” 

Shit. Ryuji forgot about the power bill. It’s gonna be high, too, it’s been so hot and they’ve been running the AC constantly to try and stay at least nominally cool. “...Right,” He says, now eating his ramen with much less gusto. “Damn, way to take the wind out of my sails, dude. I was just starting to enjoy this.” 

“Well, if we film again, we wouldn’t have to worry and we can go out and get ramen again.” 

Ryuji sighs. It’s not like there would be any harm in it, right? It’s just a little filming. For a porn website. Y’know, just a regular Wednesday. He is regretting losing his job more and more, but fuck if this whole arrangement isn’t easy money. All he has to do is set up that tripod again… 

“We’ll get a six-pack on the way home,” Ryuji says, “Then I’m game.”

---

The six-pack is acquired, their train home secured, and then Ren and Ryuji are sharing a drink on the patio just like usual - as if they’re not about to go back inside and film themselves doing The Sex for the world to see. At this point, Ryuji’s just trying not to think about it, despite Ren probing him about it every five minutes on the way home. 

He’s never seen Ren so pumped for something in his life . It’s weird. Normally he’s the calm, cool and collected type, but this whole situation has turned him into an excited middle schooler. 

Okay, maybe a middle schooler isn’t the best metaphor, but… it’s weird. Ren is acting coy, cagey almost, so unlike how straightforward he usually tends to be. He doesn’t talk much, but it’s in the way he moves, the way he holds his beer. Ryuji has known Ren long enough to be able to pick up his little nonverbal signals and the way he’s ruffled his hair in front of his face makes him seem almost… shy? In the back of Ryuji’s mind, he has to wonder if maybe Ren is actually - 

No. There’s no way. He went through girls back in high school like chewing gum. He’s definitely not gay. 

“You good, Ryuji?” 

“Huh? Yeah,” He realizes, now, that his can of beer is empty and it’s probably a good time to head back in, but yet he still hesitates even as he sort-of crushes the aluminum in his hand. It’s not like he’s nervous or anything, but there’s still this strange feeling in his stomach, at the base of his spine. It’s a feeling he can’t name and doesn’t know how to handle - shit , why is this tangling him up so much? 

Just - fuck it. Get it done, get paid, ignore the weird feelings. “Let’s get this over with.” 

Ryuji is the one on camera this time - or, at least, he’s meant to be the star of the video. He’s in a similar position as Ren last night - sitting against the wall wearing only his boxers - but he feels decidedly less confident than his friend looked sitting here. He… lounged languidly. Ryuji sits stiffly, awkwardly. 

“You’ve gotta relax if we’re gonna do this.” 

“What? I’m totally relaxed,” Ryuji lies.

“Bullshit. I don’t think you could get hard if you wanted to.” 

Ren talks about this stuff so easily - like it’s second nature, like he’s used to it. Ryuji doesn’t have nearly the same amount of experience to back it up - hell, he has no idea where Ren got the experience, what kind of porn does this freak watch? Or maybe it just comes with every girl in high school basically falling over themselves to be with you? 

Ren was never popular. Not at all. A delinquent with a record, he was much more at home with Ryuji’s crowd, but girls seemed to like the ‘bad boy’ aura about him for some reason (but they never seemed interested in Ryuji? He never understood it). In reality, Ren was the least-baddest boy Ryuji’s ever met - well he’s a little bad at taking care of himself, but he’s clean and tidy and, unlike him, is never late. Regardless, though, Ren was pretty good at picking up girls whereas Ryuji didn’t even know how to approach talking to one. After high school, he had his own small handful of one-night stands but nothing ever really worked out. Same for Ren, albeit with maybe a slightly higher body count. 

Just slightly. 

“Ryuji,” Ren’s tone is leaning into ‘I’m worried about you’ territory, and Ryuji snaps back to reality after his little walk down memory lane. He shakes his head, blinking a few times. Right. Porn. That’s - that’s what they’re doing, and - oh, Ren’s between his legs. 

“You need some help?” 

“Huh?” Ryuji’s mouth is suddenly bone-dry. Ren’s laid out lazily on his stomach between his slightly-spread legs; when he looks up, he can see the recording light on his roommate’s phone is blinking. When did he start the video? “Um,” Ryuji stammers, wetting his lips nervously. 

Ren’s giving him a rather flat look. “Dude, don’t look a gift blowie in the mouth.” 

Wh - wait, what did he just say? “A what? ” Ryuji tries to scrabble back a little but he’s met with the wall, and he outright flinches when Ren’s hands slide up his thighs. “Dude, for real? I’m - you-” 

Ren’s hands stop in their conquest of Ryuji’s… parts and his roommate looks up at him through long lashes. Where’d his glasses go? Ryuji spots them a few feet away, discarded neatly by the tripod. 

“I can stop if you want,” Ren says, and his tone almost makes it seem like a challenge.

A challenge - god, Ren always knows how to push his buttons. They’re already here, in front of the camera, why should they stop now? And Ren’s right - Ryuji is definitely way, way too nervous to get it off right now without… without… help.

Part of him wants to ask if Ren’s done this before (because it certainly feels like he has ) but Ryuji is also terrified of the answer because that might imply other things, things he doesn’t want to think about, things he can’t think about because it would clash so harshly with the image of Ren Amamiya that has been so meticulously projected to him for so many years. A part of him, too, is curious, maybe even excited. He’s gotten head before, any self-respecting guy over twenty has, but… getting it from someone who knows how it feels, how it’s supposed to feel? That’s - well, it’s a little gay, maybe, but it’s a tantalizing thought. 

“Fine,” Ryuji grumbles finally, having made up his mind. “Just - I swear to god, if you make this any weirder than it has to be -” 

“Dude, shut up,” Ren mumbles, already trying to shuck Ryuji’s boxers off - he yelps a little as Ren pulls them over his ass and down his thighs. 

Don’t look down, don’t look down, he tells himself, but he can’t help it - when he flicks his gaze southwards he finds Ren with a finger pressed to his lips in a gesture of quiet, eyeing the camera behind them. Right. They’re filming. If he doesn’t want to get caught, he’d better not say anything else - 

Oh, but then there’s this exquisite sensation and Ryuji stiffens as a shocked sort of pleasure rockets up his spine. “ Sh-shit, ” He hisses under his breath because - wow , that’s good. He doesn’t ever remember blowjobs being this good. In what feels like a split second he’s gone from flaccid to completely hard and he’s reeling, lightheaded even. 

There’s a lewd, slick sound as Ren takes him all the way - oh fuck - and he just… holds him there and Ryuji can feel his throat convulsing a little around him. His heart’s going a mile a minute, he feels like he’s hyperventilating - but then Ren pulls back, Ryuji feels his lips and tongue around his head, and it’s all he can do not to blow his load right then and there, god that feels good. 

The world recedes into fuzzy static as Ren continues. Ryuji’s gripping the futon for dear life, and Ren - fuck him - he’s teasing him, just laving his tongue over the tip of it, and he wants more. 

He’s always been told he’s a selfish lover, and Ryuji can definitely see it now as he reaches up, haltingly, to bury a hand in Ren’s hair to try and urge him down again. The sputtering sound Ren makes does make him feel a little bad about it, but then there’s a soft vibration all around him - a moan, maybe - and Ren deepthroats him again like a fucking champ . Dully, he remembers last night, how his roommate had touched himself - not his cock, but the rest of his body, and Ryuji’s not sure why he does it but his hands are running over his own chest, his sides, his stomach. 

A rough palm grazes over a nipple and he gasps at what feels like lightning surging through his nerves, his skin. He never thought that could feel so good, but even the smallest of touches is starting to make him unravel. Normally, knowing the squelching sounds were coming from Ren would probably make him sick (or, at least, he thought they might), but somehow it just makes it all so much hotter.

Ryuji tilts his head back, basking in the sensation - but, of course, Ren bores easily and when he feels a hand cupped around his balls he damn-near jumps out of his skin. A strong, slender hand holds him in place - Ryuji squeezes his eyes shut and realizes that the feeling isn’t even bad. It’s nice - more than nice, it’s driving him a little wild, actually - 

“Hrk-” Ren maybe chokes a little as Ryuji tightens the hand in his hair. He feels Ren shiver, an unintentional reaction, maybe even a little crack in the mask that he’s always wearing - something that Ryuji will have to unpack later. He’s obviously displeased, though, because Ren reaches up to swat his hand away and the hand that was once on his balls is now running down the flat plane of his chest, catching slightly on the divots of his ribs. 

Ren’s nails dig in as he takes him all the way once more, and Ryuji inhales sharply - he can’t hide the shudder that sends down his spine and the way the sensation immediately goes to his cock. And then, Ren is reaching up, and tweaking one of his nipples in the same practiced way he’d done to his own, and - 

“I’m gonna-” Ryuji whispers, but it’s a little too late as he comes undone, pleasure exploding behind his eyes and his back arching - he can’t help the long, low groan that escapes him, hardly even hearing the choked, sputtering sound that Ren makes when he does. 

In the aftermath, Ryuji’s ears are ringing from the sheer force of his orgasm - at the back of his mind, he wonders if it’s the best he’s ever had. He had kept telling himself to not look down but he can’t help it now, and oh.

Ren’s breathing hard, dark eyes half-lidded, pupils blown out to near-black as his lower lip still catches on the head of Ryuji’s still-throbbing cock. A thick rope of white streaks down his face at a near-perfect diagonal, and some still dribbles down onto his lip, into his mouth. His face is flushed, his hair messy - some sweaty enough to stick slightly to his forehead - and god damn that is a sight. 

Ren Amamiya, Ryuji decides, could be a star porn actor all on his lonesome. Despite the strange implications it has, Ryuji thinks he could probably get off to that face every day for at least a year before it gets old. 

Jesus, what is he thinking? 

Ren’s backing off now, composing himself - he’s wearing that proverbial mask again, smugly straight-faced as he carefully maneuvers around the camera’s view to reach and turn it off. “I think that was better than our first go,” He says, amused, and Ryuji can’t do much other than offer a weak thumbs-up. 

“How was it for you?” 

“ Jesus, dude,” Ryuji breathes, and despite himself he has to ask. “Have you - have you done that before?” 

“Nope,” Ren grins, obviously a little proud of himself. “Not too different from eating a girl out, though. Well, sort of.” 

“Never done that,” Ryuji says, chest still heaving, and starkly honest in the aftermath of what might be the hardest he’s came… well, ever , really. “So I wouldn’t know.” 

“I’ll need to edit this,” Ren murmurs to himself. His face is still a little pink as he scrubs through the footage. “Thankfully, I’m hard to recognize without the glasses.” 

“You sure you’re okay with your face being in it?” Ryuji breathes. 

“It’s only fully in frame for a second, and it’s blurry. I’m not worried about it.” A short silence, and then, “Fuck you, by the way.” 

“Huh? What did I do?” 

“Got it all over my face.” Ren sits back on his haunches, dragging a finger through the mess on his cheek and god, that shouldn’t make Ryuji’s cock twitch but it does. You’re a sick fuck, he admonishes himself, but then Ren is bringing that finger to his mouth and that’s even hotter somehow. 

“Dude! Gross,” Ryuji cringes a little, trying to hide just how much he got off on that alone. There’s a flash of something in Ren’s expression, but then he just smirks, shaking his head. 

“What, never tasted it before?” 

“I’m - I think I’m good, thanks,” Ryuji turns away, staring at the wall. He can’t lie, he’s curious, but… not that curious. 

In a flash, Ren is standing up over him - extending a hand. “Shower?” He asks, and Ryuji nods dumbly as he struggles to stand. His legs are like jelly, his limbs limp and unresponsive. Since when does sex do this to him? 

They do shower together often, if only because it saves water and they’ve seen each other naked enough at bath houses that a shower doesn’t really step into the territory of weird in the same way… whatever they just did does. So, Ren washing Ryuji’s back as he sits on the edge of the basin feels more like a return to normalcy than anything else. 

“When should we get paid for this?” Ryuji murmurs, leaning over his thighs and staring at the water circling the drain. 

“Saturday,” Ren tells him. His fingers reach into Ryuji’s hair to shampoo it roughly, and Ryuji sighs blissfully at the sensation. “Your roots are growing out, by the way.” 

“Ugh,” He groans. He’s really not in the mood to get the bleach out right now. “I’ll deal with it tomorrow.” 

“I’ll stay up tonight and edit the video. Do you want to help?” 

Ryuji pulls a face. He’s not sure how he feels about seeing himself from the perspective of Ren’s camera. “...Do I have to?” 

Ren laughs. “No, it’s cool. I’ll just do all the work.” 

“I don’t know how you can do it. I think it would be weird to see myself like that.” 

“I dunno. I guess I’m looking at it like -” Ren pulls his hands away, presumably to make some gesture, dude’s always talking with his hands - “Like, it’s not for me. It’s for some freaks on the internet. So, the person in that video isn’t me, it’s -” 

“Joker?” Ryuji smirks. 

“...Well, yeah, exactly.” 

Ryuji thinks on that for a long moment. At the end of the day, even amateur porn is staged in some way. They’re just playing characters, right? It’s not serious. Framing it that way makes it a much easier pill to swallow. 

Yeah. He can do this. He’ll be Skull, through the lens of that camera - porn star extraordinaire, hottest gay-but-actually-not-gay guy on the internet. That’s something he can live with. 

--- 

Later in the night, Ren is sitting at his computer preparing to upload the final cut of the new video. The title? Cheesy, but informative enough to get someone to click, though Ren doesn’t really want to think about it too hard after typing it one-too-many times in the submission boxes. 

His phone buzzes, and he grabs it off his desk, idly clicking on the notification from his friend as he scrubs through the footage for a final check. 

[6/15 23:47] Ann: hey when were you gonna tell me you were doing this :U 

[6/15 23:47] Ann: attachment.mp4 

Ren raises a brow. Sure, Ann’s in modeling and she floats in a lot of different circles, but he didn’t think she’d find out so soon. Sure enough, though, when he clicks the attachment it’s that same first video, the one that he has dually uploaded and packed away safely in a .zip in the deepest recesses of his hard drive. 

[6/15 23:49] Ren: how the hell did you even know it was me lmao. you actually watch this stuff? 

[6/15 23:50] Ann: i don’t, but the agency you’re signed with does work with my modeling manager

[6/15 23:50] Ann: also i helped you move in i’d know that tear in the wallpaper anywhere

Ren scrubs through the footage for the first video once more. Yep - lo and behold, there’s that telltale scrape in the wallpaper from when they moved in and accidentally bumped a box against the wall. He sighs. He’s gonna have to edit that out and reupload… same for this new video, in fact. He’s in for a late night. 

Ann messages him again as he’s settling down to frame-by-frame blend out the identifying mark. 

[6/16 00:05] Ann: so who’s the lucky dude? 

[6/16 00:05]  Ann: also didn’t know you were into that 

Ren bites his lip. 

[6/16 00:06] Ren: no one important

[6/16 00:06] Ren: nd im not really, its just ez money and you know i have no shame 

[6/16 00:06] Ann: true.

[6/16 00:07] Ann: howd you get moto out of the house 

[6/16 00:08] Ren: skipped gym with him, said i was sick, nbd 

[6/16 00:09] Ann: damn! lying to your roomie already? not a good look man

[6/16 00:09] Ren: its fine i’d rather not rope him into this so keep it quiet k 

[6/16 00:10] Ann: ugh, fine

Ren doesn’t like lying to Ann, nor does he like lying about the other guy in the video actually being Ryuji, but he doesn’t want this to get out. Ann would tease both of them relentlessly, he knows her. Not to mention that… well, if Ryuji knew that Ann knows, that might mean the end of their arrangement. 

Not only is he not comfortable whoring himself out online alone, but… he doesn’t want this to end. 

I don’t want this to end? He thinks to himself as he starts working on the blur filter. Maybe I should do some self-examination about that line of thought.  

Ren thinks about it for only a moment more before he settles into editing for the night, cup of Leblanc coffee in hand as he crouches over his computer. 

…Nah. 

Chapter Text

“Hey, you.” 

Ren Amamiya looks up from the same counter he's been cleaning for the last hour to find none other than Ann Takamaki settling herself into one of Leblanc’s bar seats. There's immediately a meow from the back - Mona pops his head out from one of the booths and promptly wraps himself around the stool’s legs, begging for Ann to pick him up. 

“Oh, hey, Mona,” Ann smiles, reaching down to grab him - the cat purrs in satisfaction as he settles into Ann’s lap, and Ren rolls his eyes. That cat has always been obsessed with Ann for some reason and Ren honestly has no clue why, Ann hardly gave him the time of day until she just resorted to taking allergy meds every time she knew Mona was going to be around. “Why's he here, and not at your place?” 

“He's more comfortable here,” Ren replies simply, already moving to put in an espresso puck for Ann. “Our place is really tiny, and Futaba trained him to stay out of the kitchen.” 

“Damn, didn't know you could train a cat.” Ann already has a small notebook out - she's nibbling on the end of her pen as she stares down her most recent sketch. Right - she's still doing modeling, but she's been applying for some fashion schools in the area. 

She sure puts on quite the convincing front of coming here like she's here to do some work, but Ren has a feeling she really came to get some piping-hot tea about his personal life. Not that he'll spill it willingly, of course, but Ann has always been… persuasive. Ren hands over her coffee - iced oat milk latte, just the way she likes it - and Ann takes it happily, sucking down about half of it before pushing it gently away from her and staring him down from across the bar.

“So,” She starts, a smug smile tugging at her lips. 

Hm - aggressive, even for her. “So,” Ren replies coolly, raising a brow. 

“Why did you decide to film porn?” 

Ren snorts, sputtering a little. Ann is a forward sort of person, and putting things lightly isn't her strong suit, but damn she's laying it on thick. “Ann, you can't just lead with that.” 

“Of course I can,” She huffs. “I wanna know why you decided flaunting around nude on the internet was your next career path.” 

Ren tilts his head back to stare up at the ceiling, exasperated. “It's not a big deal, it's not like anyone important would recognize me,” He says, careful not to say ‘us’ lest he blow his little cover. “We needed the cash.” 

“You and Ryuji?” Ann tilts her head. “Why?” 

“Don't you know?” Ren raises a brow. “Ryuji lost his job.” 

Ann’s eyes widen. “What? When? Why?” 

“Something about him telling the cook off, I don't know. Not really my business, but the place was shitty anyways.” He shrugs, pulling the portafilter out of the espresso machine to rinse it of the coffee grounds. 

“That asshole, he should have called me. He knows I have connections,” She grumbles, stirring her coffee with an air of irritation. “I'll see what I can find for him.” 

Ren nods stiffly, though a part of him would really rather Ann not - because, well - if Ryuji gets a job then there would be no reason for them to keep doing... what they've been doing. 

“So, what's this guy like?” 

“Huh?” He looks up, blinking slowly, and once he processes Ann’s ask he struggles to come up with a convincing-yet-vague description. “Oh. We met through the agency. He's cool. A little nervous, though.” 

“Oh, yeah?” Ann smiles, taking another sip of her drink. “Like I said last night, I didn't think you swung that way.” 

“I mean -” Ren rubs the back of his neck. He doesn't, not really. Right? “I dunno,” He says, because honestly he doesn't. This is new territory for him, or at least new-ish. “I never sought it out or anything when I was younger, and I never really thought about it too hard.” 

“Makes sense,” Ann shrugs loosely. “What about you ‘having no shame,’ hm?” 

Ren barks out a laugh. “Oh. That, too. I don't really care what other people think about it - but he might.” 

“The other guy?” 

“Yeah.” Personally, he doesn't care if his face gets plastered in a porno all over the internet. He's already got a record - no matter how unjust it might have been, that probably isn't ever going to go away - but Ryuji? He's had some issues, but he's got a mostly-clean slate. Something like this could really mess that up. 

It's in this moment that Ren realizes he's playing with fire. He sighs, shaking his head. Maybe this is as far as it should go, maybe he should cut it off now, just cut expenses or pick up some extra hours or something until Ryuji can find something else, but at the same time they were barely scraping by with even both of them working. 

“Sounds like you care a lot about him,” Ann muses. 

“Yeah, I don't know,” Ren’s just talking out of his ass at this point - a nervous habit he's taken to around Ann. He's not a particularly wordy person when he's not around his friends, and Ann especially has a tendency to wring his feelings out of him. “I never thought I'd be into guys, but something about this dude gets me going for some reason. I don't think I need to put a label on it, but…” 

“Oooh, is he hot?” 

Ren snorts, but he does have to think about it. Is Ryuji hot? 

His mind traces back to the small moments they've shared over the years. Going to the gym together, shooting the shit, drinking on their tiny little balcony. Ryuji in the bathhouse with him, tugging his shirt off to reveal the sharp cut of his hips, the muscles up his sides, the curve of his slim back. 

“...Yeah,” Ren says quietly, and Ann giggles a little into her drink. 

“Oh, Ren, you're cute,” Ann laughs. “I didn't know you felt that way about Ryuji.” 

“Yeah… I guess, he's just-” 

Ren stops. Ann is giving him the smuggest, shit-eatingest grin as she twiddles her pen between her fingers. 

Ah. She's caught him. 

“Ha!” Ann shouts in victory, pointing at him with excitement. “I fucking knew it.” 

“You knew?” 

“Well, you did just admit it,” Ann smiles. “But I had an inkling it was him. After you looked all cagey when I talked about hitting him up to help him find a job, that pretty much confirmed it.”

“...Ah,” Ren sighs, turning away and pretending to clean the back counter if only so he won't have to look Ann in the eye. “I'm a terrible liar, apparently.”

“Nah, I'm just perceptive,” Ann says proudly. “Also, Ryuji doesn't go to the gym on Tuesdays, so there's that.” 

“Hey,” Ren says, swallowing. “Please don't -” 

“Tell anyone?” Ann finishes his sentence for him. “Of course not. I wouldn't betray your trust like that.” 

Ren nods, satisfied, and things are quiet for a long moment. Ann sucks down the rest of her coffee, sketching idly in her notebook, Ren cleans the counter for the millionth time today. 

“So, are you gonna tell him?” 

Ren halts the path of his cleaning rag, looking up at her. “Tell him what?” 

“That you like him. Like, y'know, confess your feelings.” 

“He's my friend,” Ren protests. “My best friend. I don't even know if this is -” He gestures aimlessly. “More than that. I don't know.” 

Ann gives him a look. “Hm. Okay,” She says, but obviously she has more on her mind she's not willing to put out in the open just now. “Just - look, he's my friend too, okay? Don't hurt him or anything.” 

“You know I'd never do that.” 

“I more meant unintentionally, ” Ann clarifies, playing idly with her hair. “Just be careful, okay?”

With that, she's packing up her things, and Ren’s brows raise. “Leaving already?” He asks. “You just came here to probe me, didn't you?” 

“Of course I did,” Ann grins - Mona jumps off her lap as she rises from her seat. “You know me. Have a good rest of your shift!” 

The bell on the door rings almost mournfully as she leaves, followed by Mona meowing in a similar tone at the loss of a warm lap. “Oh, hush,” Ren grouches, rounding the bar to scratch his chin. “Go back to sleep or something.” 

---

Ann certainly gave Ren a lot to think about, as he takes the train home from work. Yongen isn't far from his and Ryuji’s place - a little neighborhood a stop or two away from Kichijoji - but it's long enough to have him questioning everything . 

Is this the right thing to do? Is this okay? Should he be stringing Ryuji on like this, taking advantage of his joblessness to… well, essentially to get laid? Get laid by his best friend, no less, who might not even be into dudes - who knows what the guy is imagining when he squeezes his eyes shut like that. Ren's comfortable with the sudden pivot of his life, of a greater understanding of himself, but Ryuji might not be so kind to himself - or Ren - about it. He certainly said some rather… tasteless things in high school until Ann beat it out of him. 

Ren sighs heavily as he steps into the apartment, wearily removing his shoes. He's about to call out to Ryuji, let him know he's home, but then… 

Well, then everything he just thought about careens out of his head because Ryuji is leaning over the kitchen counter, shirtless and sweaty and breathing heavily, and shi-it. 

Yes, Ryuji Sakamoto is hot. Very much so. Especially right after coming back from the gym. Frankly, Ren isn't sure how he didn't notice it before. 

“Hey,” Ryuji raises a hand in greeting, looking a bit winded. “Sorry, just got back. How was work?” 

“Good,” Ren manages to choke out, desperately scraping for a reason to want to film or something right now without it sounding very, very weird but he comes up with very little as he simply stares down Ryuji, mildly slack-jawed and wide-eyed. 

Ryuji raises a brow. “You good, dude?” 

“M’fine,” Ren says, trying to keep his composure. He turns away to drop his bag by the door, a lame excuse to not look at the bleach-blonde Adonis hanging out in their shared kitchen, biting his lip. “Question for you.” 

“Yeah? What's up?” 

Maybe Ryuji isn't finding this awkward - bless his oblivious soul - but for Ren, the tension is thick enough to cut with a knife. “So, I got some feedback from the agency,” He lies, forcing his voice to stay level. 

“...Oh,” Ryuji's voice is small, and out of the corner of Ren’s eye he can spot his friend’s face pinking a little. “Good or bad?” 

“Neither, really,” Ren continues. “They really just want their actors to have a little more experience.” 

“Damn,” Ryuji curses, hanging his head a little, and Ren’s chest aches. Of course he'd think this is all his fault, and a deep pit of guilt creaks open in his stomach because the last thing Ren wants to do is hurt his feelings. “What should we do, then? We need that money - for now, at least, I promise I'm still looking for a job.” 

Without thinking, Ren’s moving to the fridge to grab and crack open a beer. This will be easier, surely, if he has a bit of a social buffer. Right? Ryuji stares at him like he's grown a second head as he chugs about half of it in one go, setting down maybe a little too hard on the counter. “I dunno. We could try some stuff without filming, I guess. No pressure that way.” 

Well, it's out there, and Ryuji isn't immediately vetoing the idea, so that's progress. Ren tries to drink the rest of his beer a little less aggressively as he reaches into the fridge once more to hand Ryuji his own, sliding it across the counter towards him. He's still close and shirtless and smelling like sweat and gym equipment and god , it's driving him up a damn wall. 

Dammit, Ann, you've put all these thoughts and feelings in my head and now I'm turning into a bumbling idiot.  

“Well -” Ryuji barks out a laugh, tinged only a little with nervousness as he cracks open his beer. “When in Roan, I guess?” 

“Rome,” Ren corrects him, his shoulders sagging a little as the cool balm of relief washes over him. 

“Right. Um… so, what would we… do, then?” 

With so little food in his stomach, Ren is feeling the booze pretty quickly now. He's definitely not drunk , not at all, but what he is is more brave. Maybe a little more willing to walk this proverbial tightrope again, between what's gay and what's not. He sighs deeply as he finishes off the can, a comfortable warmth blooming in his stomach as he rounds the kitchen island. “Dunno,” Ren says, and a moment later he realizes he's looming over Ryuji, maybe a little too close for comfort. “Let me try something.” 

“Um,” Ryuji laughs again, and it's a little more nervous now. “Sure, dude, what are you-” 

Ren doesn't let him finish the sentence - instead, he leans in, draping an arm over those gloriously-muscled shoulders and pressing his mouth to Ryuji's neck. 

“...Oh,” Ryuji says dumbly. He opens and closes his mouth once, twice, and when Ren sinks his teeth in a fraction and sucks Ryuji makes an unintelligible sound in his throat, stiffening. He's not moving, though, he's not pushing Ren away. Good, Ren thinks to himself. 

Ren must get a little carried away, though, because after a second Ryuji is sputtering a little and now he is trying to pry him off. “Dude, you're gonna give me a hickey.”  

Wiping his mouth, Ren smiles cheekily at him because perhaps that was his goal all along. Let him think about it. Stew in it. “Sorry,” He mumbles, but there's nothing apologetic about it. 

“You think they'd like that sort of thing?” Ryuji screws up his face. “Well, I guess we could get masks so they can't see our faces…?” 

Ren grins. Oh, that's an idea. Is Ryuji going where Ren thinks he's going with this? “It's just your neck, though, I think we could cut that fine.” 

“Well-” Ryuji's face reddens even more, so much that the tips of his ears go pink. “I figured that would probably end up with us, y’know-” 

“Oh?” Ren raises a brow, and Ryuji sputters, exasperated. 

“I don't know - kissin’, or something -” 

Ren can't help himself, he never can. In a fit of dumb, horny bravery, he leans in to kiss him.

Ryuji is floundering. Ren's more taken aback by the fact that he's really, actually kissing him, but it's messy and sloppy all the same. Ryuji tastes like the salt of his sweat and something deeper, something earthier, and fuck if it isn't like the most addicting drug he's ever encountered. Ren wants to bottle that taste, shoot it into his veins, it's so perfect and so, so, him.  

“Mmph-” Ryuji grunts a little as their teeth clack together, and Ren is surprised when he stands to his full height to kiss him properly. They're both… hovering over one another with their hands, unsure if they should or are even allowed to touch each other, but to Ren’s delight Ryuji takes the initiative to grab a fistful of his hair, a pleasurable kind of pain that sets Ren’s nerves alight. He’s tugging Ren closer, close enough that they don't even need hands - at this point, they're pressed against each other from their collarbones all the way down to their thighs. 

When they finally separate (at the mouth, at least), they are both panting and red in the face from the impromptu makeout session. Ryuji looks less like a deer in the headlights, more smugly confident because he's found one of Ren’s weaknesses, which he capitalizes on once more as he tugs on his hair again. 

“You trying to rip my scalp off?” Ren protests, but he can't hide the breathless tone of his voice - and, evidently, his hard-on. Ryuji looks down for a moment, pausing. 

Shit , did he just fuck this up? 

Ren quickly begins to panic, especially when Ryuji reaches to take a long swig of his beer, but then he's setting it back down and reaching to grab his cock through his jeans and all of Ren’s anxieties melt away like ice in hot coffee. 

“Damn, dude,” Ryuji says, and the gruff tone of his voice underlined with his evident arousal just makes Ren want this even more. “That was fast.” 

This is certainly a one-eighty from the hesitant, awkward guy he's been getting off with for the past few days. He's not sure what's gotten into him, but he can't say he doesn't like it. “It's been a long day,” Ren huffs indignantly. “Also, I didn't get off last night.” 

Faintly, Ren remembers trying to fall asleep for hours with that damn hard-on, too afraid to jack off right next to his roommate and also much too proud to do the walk of shame to the bathroom. He told himself that next time he'd just bite the bullet, or perhaps even demand his just desserts, but last night didn't feel like a good time especially after how positively worn-out Ryuji had looked. 

“Yeah, I guess that isn't fair,” Ryuji muses, but it seems that much of his brief bout of confidence has fizzled away as he retracts his hand. Ren almost wants to cry when he does. “So, what should we…” 

Ren glances over to their futons, splayed messily on the ground in the path of the AC to try and fend off the summer heat. “C’mere,” Ren says, deciding that it might be better for him to lead if Ryuji is going to chicken out every five minutes. 

“Oh - okay,” Ryuji looks like a fish out of water as Ren drags him to one of the futons, and he yelps with surprise as Ren roughly pushes him down to the floor.

“Ow, my ass,” He complains, rubbing his tailbone, but Ren climbs on top of him immediately, not interested in letting Ryuji admonish him for the fall. When he secures his mouth around the soft skin of his chest, the man below him produces a soft “Oh,” relaxing back against the futon as Ren pushes him down to make him fully prone. 

“You're way, way too good at this,” Ryuji mumbles, and Ren laughs against his skin. “Seriously! You could be, like, the biggest porn star.” 

“Wow. What a compliment,” Ren rolls his eyes, and as punishment for the mildly back-handed remark he takes Ryuji's nipple into his mouth. 

“Oh, shit-” Ryuji's laugh rolls so smoothly into a groan, and Ren hums as he hears a head fall back against the cushion below them. He's already breathing harder - something Ren has come to understand as a telltale sign his roommate’s into it - and when he shifts atop him he feels something hard and throbbing pressing against his thigh. 

“ Already? ” Ren mocks smugly, popping off of Ryuji’s skin with a rather lewd sound, and Ryuji gasps with exasperation. 

“Shut up, man,” He says in that frustrated, high-pitched tone of his - Ryuji's hands are reaching downwards, snaking backwards as if he wants to grab him and push him down, but he doesn't quite have the gumption to get there.

“What?” Ren smirks, leaning over him to see his face - flushed, a sheen of sweat still lingering on his skin, dark eyes staring up at him with a slight twinge of irritation. “At least I had an excuse-” 

Of course Ryuji would shut him up by leaning up to kiss him, that's so very him , so competitive and impulsive. Neither of them know what to do, it's so sloppy and messy just like before, but Ryuji throws Ren’s tricks right back at him as he tugs his lower lip into his mouth and sucks . 

So, he's a fast learner.

Ren shifts his hips - they both moan into each other's mouths as their erections slip past one another. Fuck - so close but this is hard , and Ren does laugh a little into Ryuji's mouth at the unintentional pun he's made to himself, but then Ryuji is leaning down to wrap his hand around both of them, an awkward task through his gym shorts and Ren’s own jeans, but damn it feels good. When Ryuji jerked him off the other night, it felt awkward and unpracticed, but even with the thick barrier this feels so much better, so much more natural. A fast learner indeed. 

“Ryuji,” Ren gasps against his mouth, “Let me-” He reaches down to fumble with his jeans, but Ryuji just swats his hand away. Oh, he's unbuttoning them for him, deftly sliding the metal out of the fabric and aggressively tugging down the zipper. 

Ren bites his lip - the release of pressure feels nice, even if the sight of his erection tenting his boxers is a little silly. They both work to wiggle him out of his jeans - Ryuji does most of the heavy lifting and his hands on Ren’s thighs feel like they leave fire in their wake. When he's finally free, Ren immediately goes to divest Ryuji of his gym shorts. 

He probably should have expected his cock to spring free, but something made him think Ryuji might not go commando to the gym - but of course he does. Ryuji yelps a little, presumably at being so suddenly exposed, and Ren spots his hands twitching like he wants to cover himself but he's suppressing the urge. 

Ren got a good look at it last night, but damn, he has to appreciate that his best friend does have a pretty nice cock. It's fully erect already, and when he wraps his hand around the base of it Ryuji shudders, his hips instinctively twitching upwards. 

“Your turn,” Ryuji grunts, and he leans up - Ren’s boxers are unceremoniously shucked down his thighs, and he shivers at the sensation. It takes some awkward wiggling - along with Ren taking his shirt off because damn it's hot in here - but after a minute or two they are both completely naked, Ren half-sitting, half-crouching on Ryuji’s lap. 

Reality must set in for both of them, because now they both just… sit there, unsure of what to do. I didn't think I'd get this far, Ren thinks to himself dully. 

“You got lube?” Ryuji breathes. 

Ren's a little taken aback by the question. They're not going to go all the way, right? Well - they can't, because Ren doesn't have anything that would be safe for that, nor does he have condoms, but the sheer idea that Ryuji might be thinking about that is both exhilarating and mildly terrifying. 

Just how he likes it, he supposes. 

“No lube,” Ren replies softly. “What, did you wanna put it in my ass or something?” 

“What? No, ” Ryuji protests, but it's such a blatant lie that Ren can't help but laugh. His roommate shifts below him, erection flagging a little - and oh, Ren can't have that. He wraps a hand around him, pumping a few times, and he's back to fully-hard in no time. 

“We've got that coconut oil Ann gave you for her hair,” Ren offers. “Maybe not safe for that, but-” 

Ryuji's expression brightens a little.

“...I'll go get it.” 

A quick run to the bathroom, and a little fumbling because Ryuji never organizes his stuff (well, neither does he, but still ), and Ren returns to the living area to find Ryuji, splayed out on the futon and lazily touching himself. It's slow and gentle, and Ren almost feels like he's intruding on a private moment with the soft sounds Ryuji is making and the way his back is arching slightly off the futon. However, his roommate evidently has lost all sense of shame, because he looks backwards from his position on the floor when he hears it creak with Ren’s footsteps, an excited grin plastered on his face. “Found it?” 

“Yeah,” The tension now broken once again - god, everything tonight is throwing Ren for a loop - he's ready to get back to the action, but Ryuji snatches the bottle away from him before he can even get a chance to open it. 

“Not gonna lie,” Ryuji says as he pops it open, “I don't think I've ever used this in my hair.” 

“The bottle’s half-empty,” Ren points out as he settles onto his lap again.

“Yeah, I know.” Ryuji grins in that goofy, sheepish way he tends to do as he reaches down to drizzle it over his cock and oh that imagery is going to be burned into Ren’s mind for months.  “Oh, fuck yes,” Ryuji groans, and a warm feeling pools in Ren’s stomach at the sight. He jerks off like a horny teenager, why is that hot, but somehow it is. It's the beer, probably, not that Ren can be really assed to overthink it right now. 

After a second, Ryuji hands him the bottle, still slowly pumping himself, and Ren’s beginning to wonder where he's even going with this. “You just gonna jerk off?” Ren asks as he turns the oil over in his hands, uncapping it once more to layer a thick stripe down his length before abandoning it off to the side.

“Uh… yeah?” Ryuji raises a brow. “What, is that not hot enough or something?” 

“Mm,” Ren settles himself a little lower, shivering a little as he spreads the impromptu lube over himself. “Sit up. I have a better idea.” 

“What do you mean?” Ryuji's quizzical but wonderfully obedient, rising to Ren’s level - they're almost too close now, almost intimate, and Ren curses himself a little for chickening out and turning away from those intense, brown eyes as he presses his full weight down onto Ryuji’s lap. 

He wraps his hand around both of them, and Ryuji’s hips twitch upwards, the flush of his face now traveling down his chest. “ Oh, that's what you meant,” He murmurs softly, and Ren shivers a little at the proximity of his breath, his voice. 

Slowly, they begin a halting back-and-forth. Ren slides his hips forward, Ryuji follows, and they make pleased sounds in tandem as Ren’s hand slides back. “Ohhh, that's good,” Ryuji says, and laughs a little to himself. “Not gonna lie, it's hard not to run my mouth on camera. Shit’s just too quiet. ” 

“Run it all you want,” Ren replies breathlessly, much too far gone to try and be coy. Yes, he wants to hear his voice, wants to hear his sounds. Yes, yes, yes.

“Yeah? Okay,” Ryuji looks a little pensive, a little nervous, and his eyes squeeze shut with a gasp as Ren slides his thumb over both of their heads, dual cocks weighing heavily in his palm. “You've got nice hands,” He says, and Ren practically vibrates with the thrill of a compliment.

“And - damn - maybe I've been hella unlucky, but you kiss pretty good, too.” 

“It just comes so - nf - naturally to me,” Ren retorts smugly, but damn it's hard to keep up this calm, cool and collected facade when Ryuji’s talking to him like this. Especially when he leans in to murmurs into his ear. 

“I feel like you've got this… mask, that you wear,” Ryuji continues, and Ren shivers, picking up the pace a tick. “And - and the other night, it felt like you dropped it a little. I dunno. I like that.” 

I like that sounds so goddamned sultry in Ryuji's voice. Husky with arousal, breathless, capitalized by moans and grunts and soft sounds as they unabashedly grind against one another. “...Yeah?” Ren replies weakly - his arm stutters, and Ryuji pushes it away - he's about to protest but then Ryuji is wrapping his hand around the both of them and oh, oh fuck - 

“ Fuck, ” Ren throws his head back - he's well past desperate now, he needs this, and god, Ryuji knows him way, way too well because his strokes are so painfully slow, so tantalizingly firm. 

“Oh, yeah, like that!” Ryuji's voice is less sultry now and more bright , like he's just genuinely happy his friend is coming out of his shell a little, and that's so tooth-achingly sweet it hurts.  

“‘Yuji,” Ren sighs, chest shaking a little with laughter. 

“Hah. You haven't called me that since high school.” Ryuji quickens his pace a little, and Ren snaps his hips forward, seeking that sweet, sweet sensation. The roughness of his hand, the slight callouses from the gym, the slick heat of his cock beside Ren’s own. 

“I - unf - I hope I'm doing this right,” Ryuji grits out. He's so close , his teeth scraping against the shell of Ren’s ear, his hot breath against his skin. “You were all out of it when you got home. What happened?” 

Ren's hardly in a position to answer him. “You were - fuck - just back from the gym -” 

Ryuji doesn't reply, not immediately, at least. He's got this expression, Ren notes foggily - the same look he gets when something's dawning on him, when he's figured something out. God , he can't let this end now, he can't have fucked this up already, he can't -  

“I guess I could start going to the gym more often,” Ryuji muses. “We'd probably be able to make more cash that way.” 

There it is. Things are more comfortable here, in the in-between. This isn't a thing but it inexplicably is . They're fucking but they're not gay, not really. That's not what this is. 

As far as Ren’s concerned, they're just two lonely, broke guys getting their rocks off with a lack of anything better to do.

That's enough. Or at least, it should be, but there's still an odd ache in his chest, a strange emptiness he doesn't know how to fill. 

“I wouldn't complain,” Ren grits out, and Ryuji slides his tongue over the edge of his ear, hot and wet, and god it does feel like that void inside him shrinks a little when he does. 

“Your ears are sensitive, huh? And…” Ryuji grins as he leans down, and the noise Ren makes is downright embarrassing when his tongue slides over his nipple. “Oh, wow. That's kinda hot.” 

That's enough, too much, Ren doesn't know. Something about Ryuji calling him hot sends him into freefall. With an undignified, pathetic noise, Ren comes into Ryuji's hand, spilling out onto him and the skin below, and fuck if it isn't the most intense orgasm he's ever had, throb over throb of mind-blowing pleasure rocketing up his spine - 

“Oh, shit ,” Ryuji half-laughs, half-moans, his dark eyes wide as he leans back just slightly to watch. Ren is floating, drifting, basking in it but is swiftly sent crashing back to reality in the best of ways when Ryuji swiftly follows him, groaning into Ren’s skin as he paints his hand. 

Did… did Ryuji just come by watching him? 

No, no - Ren can't make that assumption, can't think that, because then there would be some miniscule chance that this is more than the in-between, more than just a strange, self-indulgent little arrangement. It can't be more than that, can it? 

He's beginning to realize just what Ann meant back at the cafe. 

For now, though, they collapse against one another, exhausted, and even if it's a bit sticky and messy it's a post-coital cuddle all the same and Ren isn't moving for the world. He doesn't care if his face is half-smashed into the futon, doesn't care if Ryuji’s knee is jammed against his thigh. This is perfect. 

All good things must come to an end, though. Eventually, Ryuji shifts awkwardly under him, murmuring that they should shower, and everything is quiet and numb as they wash up, toss a sullied sheet into the hamper and collapse together on the one clean futon, spent and exhausted. 

This, too, is something perfect, or at least as close to it as Ren thinks his ever-messy life might get. 

---

Ryuji Sakamoto lies wide awake in the night, his best friend, roommate, and ride-or-die snoring softly beside him, lanky form curled awkwardly against his side as they share a futon not meant for more than a single sleeper.

That same friend who he'd just… had sex with. Yeah. That was more than just… getting off , Ryuji kept running his mouth and Ren was just going along with it, acting like it wasn't the gayest shit this side of the city. 

God, why did he have to do that?  

Ryuji smacks his forehead with a groan, staring up at the ceiling. Maybe it was the beer, the runner's high, maybe it was that he couldn't get Ren’s face after that blowjob out of his head. Red-and-blue lights pass by, briefly filling the room with light and framing Ren’s face in a way that Ryuji is sure Yusuke would probably like to paint. 

He feels disgusting about snapping a picture, but he can't help it. Shitty camera be damned. He'll file this away, remember this moment, if only because this might be the closest thing he's ever had to real, true connection in his short, sad life - because Ren’s all he really has in this world, the one person who will support him without question, the one person who would never, ever be nothing but exactly what Ryuji needs. 

What did I just do?  

Ryuji swallows thickly, trying to quell his rising panic. It'll be okay. Everything will be fine. Right? 

He'll just - they'll have some space, they'll probably make some good money off of that second video - and then everything will be fine. Everything will be normal.  

Ryuji drifts off to sleep wondering if he even wants things to be normal. 

Chapter Text

If the last few days between Ren and Ryuji were a house fire, things have now died down into an awkward sizzle. 

Ryuji’s been out more, both looking for work and just… exploring the city, taking advantage of the sudden large amounts of free time he’s been blessed (or perhaps cursed) with to see things he hasn’t seen before. Sure, money is still an issue, but the payout for their last video was much more than they ever expected so they’re coasting on easy street for the time being. They’ve filmed a handful of things since then, experimenting more with angles and following the agency’s suggestions (Ryuji will never be more embarrassed as he was the night Ren asked him to scroll through some of their other content looking for ideas), but they’ve definitely fallen less into ‘fun’ territory and more into ‘just acting’. He can see now why so much porn feels… disingenuous. Because it is, in some capacity. 

Nothing yet has ever been like that one night that Ren came home and jumped his bones. Ryuji bites at the nail of his thumb as he thinks about it, leaning against the side of the crowded train and just trying to stay standing in the sea of people commuting home. He’s worried he might have crossed a line or something, and he curses himself for being so forward . Even now, he has no idea what came over him - suddenly, he just so badly wanted Ren to be real for once, like - really, really real, not the weird social chameleon he tends to be around everyone he meets. 

Ryuji thinks he caught a glimpse of that, but he’s also effin’ terrified because - what if he freaked him out?! What if that was too far, what if Ren is rethinking all of this now - what if, what if, what if. 

As he steps off the train in the direction of his gym, he dips to the left, following a shortcut down a cramped alleyway. His thumb stutters over his phone and the handful of links he’s bookmarked - and, dammit, he can’t help it, he clicks the link and is once again met with Ren’s bare chest on camera, Ryuji’s faceless form sneaking around to wrap around him and - 

Nope - nope - jesus, what is he doing? His face reddening, he hugs his phone to his chest and walks faster. Sure, it’s been a few days since they really did anything beyond videos that were less fun and felt more like acting, maybe he’s just a little pent up or something - but he went years without a proper lay, a couple days shouldn’t be killing him. 

But then Ren’s flushed face enters his mind again and shit, he’s hard in public.

Ryuji’s at least thankful he brought his gym bag - it’s easy enough to cover himself with it as he shuffles inside, scanning his card (thanks, Ma, for the membership) and ducking into the men’s locker room. A cold shower should get these thoughts out of his head, and indeed it does even if he has to turn the water all the way to tap-cold to get it to work. 

Shivering like Mona when he gets a bath, Ryuji steps out of the shower, hurriedly drying his face and trying not to let himself think about anything other than his routines as he redresses. His phone is blinking on the bench - and thank god, it’s not Ren. 

[6/23 18:32] Haru: Hey Ryuji! Are you working out today? I don’t see you 

Oh, Haru is here. Every once in a while, they’ll link up and work out together - Haru is… frighteningly strong, as soft and unassuming as she looks, and she makes for a good gym buddy when Ren is… 

Do not think about him, Ryuji Sakamoto.

[6/23 18:35] Ryuji: yoooo yea im here i was just showering, be out in a sec 

When Ryuji leaves the locker room, Haru is dutifully waiting for him, rocking back and forth on her heels nearby. She smiles and waves sweetly at him - that near-constant scent of baked goods from her shop wafts off of her, and Ryuji reminds himself to ask her if he can pilfer some day-old stock once they’re finished. She’s in her usual, flowy gym clothes, hair held back with a powder-blue headband. 

“Been a minute,” Ryuji curls up a lip, desperately trying to keep a lid on things after his little… crisis earlier. The shower helped, but he feels like a good couple miles or ten on the bike might help more. “How’re you doing?” 

“Yeah…” Haru rubs the back of her neck sheepishly. “Sorry! I’ve just been so busy with work.” 

“I get it,” Ryuji says, though he markedly doesn’t considering he is jobless at the moment. Well, not totally jobless, but still. He’s not about to tell Haru how he’s been spending his evenings. “Glad business has been good.” 

“Oh, it has!” Haru nods, fiddling a little with her hands as they walk. “Though, I might need to look into hiring someone new to help me out… my part-timer’s going off to college, after all.” 

Ah, that’s right - Futaba has been working at Haru’s bakery for the last handful of years. Once a hapless shut-in, he, Ren, and the rest of the group worked her out of her shell over the summer of their second year. She ended up working at Haru’s to… ‘level up her social skills,’ as she likes to say, and she’s certainly made strides. Hell, she even took a gap year before college to keep helping her at the shop - and, additionally, make up for the gaps in her education before she submits her college entrance applications.

Maybe there’s an opportunity for him there, but something is stopping him from asking about it. He chalks it up to not wanting to admit he lost his last job as they move to the open part of the gym to warm up. 

As they stretch, Haru is… looking at him. Not in the way girls look when they’re checking you out - more like, analyzing . She does this sometimes and it freaks him the hell out. There’s always so damn much going on inside that fluffy little head of hers and Ryuji never can pinpoint exactly what. 

“Ryuji,” She says in that sweet, soft voice. “What is this?” 

She’s tugging at the hem of his t-shirt, and- oh. Right. The first mark Ren tried to leave didn’t stick, and the other night when they were filming Ryuji tried to get a little revenge. Obviously, he failed - Ren’s way too flexible for his own good - and now Ryuji’s collarbone and neck have precisely four marks in the shape of his best friend’s mouth. His face heats with embarrassment, and he jerks away, tugging his shirt back up to cover them. “Jeez, give a dude some warning, would you?” 

A sly smile curls Haru’s pert lips. “Have you been getting around a bit, Sakamoto?” 

“Sure, yeah, whatever,” He rubs the back of his neck, definitely not thinking about Ren right now and the way he’d held him down to leave said marks. Of all the very robotic and staged shit they’ve done for money over the last week or so, that was probably the biggest peek Ryuji’s gotten behind Ren’s walls since - since - 

Nope. He’s not going to think about it, lest he pop a boner in the middle of the goddamn gym.  

“Ryuji, come on,” Haru pouts even as he’s heading towards the stationary bikes. “You know you can tell me anything.” 

“It’s private, okay?” Ryuji hops on the bike, and god he is so, so ready to forget about all of this, replace it with the burn in his lungs and legs, empty his mind and replace all these complicated, messy thoughts with dumbbells and leg lifts and box squats. Haru, though, looks saddened at his sudden irritation, and - ugh, he can’t stay mad at her, not with that perfect, sweet little face. “...Ask me when we’re done, okay?” 

“...Okay,” Haru steps away, and Ryuji is blessed with her dropping the topic for the rest of the hour. Thirty minutes on the bike feels good, and so does the weight training that follows, and once he’s wiping the sweat from his face and grabbing water he is loose-limbed and worn-out and much, much less tense compared to the state he was in when he came. 

Ren always complains about the gym, how it’s willful torture - but the dude’s lucky to be blessed with that body and a very minimal amount of work to maintain it. He’ll come to the gym with Ryuji, but he doesn’t have to think about weight goals. Macros. Y’know, gym rat stuff.

Haru looks just about as worn out as him - he spotted her squatting triple-digits which is just - holy shit - and they both step out into the summer air with a groan because it’s hotter out here than it is in there. “That felt good,” She says, closing her eyes with a smile. “I’ve been pretty stressed out lately.” 

“Yeah? Same here, honestly. Working out takes the edge off.” 

“What have you been stressed about?” Haru walks ahead of him, and then backwards to face him as they meander towards the train station. She’s poking at him again, though Ryuji did ask her to wait until they were done so he really just postponed the inevitable there. Well, he dug his own grave… 

“I dunno,” He sighs. “Lost my job, so there’s that.” 

“What?!” Haru gasps. “Oh, no… I’m sorry, Ryuji. Right after you and Ren moved in together, too…” 

“Yeah, it effin’ sucks, ” He kicks a rock down the road in frustration. “We’re barely making ends meet as-is.” He’s not going to tell Haru precisely how they’ve been making ends meet, but at least he can bitch about it to someone other than Ren and… the wall of his apartment. 

“Honestly, I thought it might have something to do with -” She chokes a little, embarrassed. “The love-marks.” 

Haru always throws him for a loop. She’s independent, freakishly strong, and would go to bat for any of her friends, but any time it comes to relationship things she’s shy as hell about it. It’s… frankly, it’s kind of hilarious, and Ryuji can’t help the laugh that escapes him. 

“What?!” Haru furrows her brow in frustration. 

“Just…” He has to stop to catch his breath. “Love-marks… hah, oh my god.” 

The L-word is not in Ryuji’s vocabulary, not with Ren. Well, maybe in an ‘I love you, bro,’ sense, but not… anything more than that. This is just a temporary arrangement, nothing more, and Ren’s helping him out here while he struggles to find a new place to work. There’s nothing L-word about it. “They’re hickeys, Haru.” 

“That word is so lecherous, ” She pouts, crossing her arms over her chest. “So, do you want to tell me who it is, or…?” Then, Haru gasps, her eyes widening. “Oh my gosh, is it Ann?” 

“What?” He can’t ever imagine seeing Ann that way, or anyone else in their group for that matter. They feel more like… family at this point. “No. It’s not Ann.” 

Strange that Ren’s never felt that way. 

“Then who is it?” 

“I don’t kiss and tell,” Ryuji says simply, and Haru’s not stupid , she can see the line he draws there, the boundary he won’t let her cross. So, she backs off, drops the topic, and for that Ryuji is ever-thankful. 

“So, it seems you’re in the situation of needing a job, and I just so happen to need an employee,” Haru hedges as they wait for their train. There’s still a handful of people mulling around, but not nearly as many as when he came - probably because a light drizzle is starting, and outside of the protected shelter of the station he can hear its pit-patter on the asphalt above. Working for Haru would be ideal. He’d get out of Ren’s hair, they’d be able to pay rent without counting every yen they make. But then… 

No, he literally cannot afford to be selfish right now. Ren’s doing all of this for his sake, nothing more. Maybe Ryuji will miss that smile, or that goofy laugh he does when he’s nervous, but… surely he can find other ways to wring those things out of him. 

If it’s been like pulling teeth for the last six years, A small voice asks him, Will you?  

Dammit, now he’s just all sad. Not that he’s gonna wear that on his sleeve in front of Haru. She’s not as good as Ann at picking up on his internal… entanglements, but she’s also much smarter than she looks.

“You offerin’ me a job?” Ryuji asks. “Because that would be awesome. ” 

Hopefully his emphasis on the word is convincing enough, despite the sinking feeling in his chest - and apparently it is, because Haru smiles widely and claps her hands together. “So, you’ll come work for me?” 

“Yeah, sure, though I’m not exactly a pretty face…”

“Oh, don’t worry about that, you’re just fine the way you are,” Haru pats him on the shoulder and - damn, the compliment is so genuine and Ryuji reminds himself for the billionth time that he loves his friends, even if he’s never hidden anything from them in his damn life and he feels relentlessly guilty for keeping his little ‘side-piece’ situation under wraps. Who knows how any of them would feel about that, anyways? He’s not gay, but they’d probably see it that way. 

“Why don’t you come in tomorrow? I can show you the ropes - I’ll mostly have you baking early in the morning and taking the truck.” 

Ryuji’s eyes widen. Futaba just worked the counter - has she been doing all of that by herself? “No wonder you’re so strong,” He murmurs, and Haru giggles a little. 

“Yeah, I’ve been doing a lot of that on my own. Futaba’s not strong enough to lift the boxes, so…” 

“Well, now I definitely feel like I have to help. What time?” He’s already pulling out his phone to set an alarm, because otherwise he will absolutely forget. 

“Let’s say… five o’clock?” 

Ryuji balks. 

“ In the morning?! ” 

---

So, Ryuji has a job now. 

That’s… nice. 

While he is grateful for Haru extending an olive branch, there is still the question of everything else but damn does Ren feel like a crappy friend for almost feeling like he wants Ryuji to remain jobless. 

Ryuji was excited when he got home, still sweaty from the gym (something Ren has come to associate with getting it on with near-Pavlovian reflex) and carrying an armful of baked goods from their friend. In celebration, they finally prepared the fruit Haru gave them (maybe a little overripe at this point, but oh well) and eat over the kitchen island. Ryuji talked about being pumped to finally have a job again, the pay being good (a little more than Ren makes at Leblanc, even), and also dreading having to wake up at the ass-crack of dawn. 

Now, Ren’s best friend is passed out on his futon, snoring loudly, and he feels profoundly… 

Sad. 

It seems like their little arrangement might be over. At least, Ryuji didn’t mention it once in his ramblings earlier in the night, so it’s probably safe to assume that he probably doesn’t want to film anymore now that he’s actually employed. Like hell is Ren going to come out and ask, that would be crossing some invisible line he’s drawn in his head and it just feels selfish after rocketing them both headlong into something they barely understand. 

Ren’s tried to be more withdrawn lately. He keeps his cool, plays the strangely intimate moments they have off as a joke, and it feels like they hardly do anything together anymore. Before all this, they could lounge half-naked on the balcony, shooting the shit and talking about the latest video game or movie or whatever - but now, those moments just feel awkward , like there’s both something missing and something there that wasn’t before, at the same time. 

When did he get so… tangled up inside? 

Well, it’s over now, whatever this all was. Surely after some time, things will return to normal.

Surely. 

Chapter Text

Summer slowly begins to bleed away, the days getting cooler and the leaves beginning to yellow and drift to the ground - a soft, soothing, crunching sound below his feet as Ren exits the station and heads towards the backstreets. 

“Morning,” Sojiro Sakura greets him - he’s already at the door, unlocking Leblanc for the day, a cigarette dangling from his lips. Mmm - Ren kind of wants one, too - he deftly plucks Sojiro’s pack out of the pocket of his apron and slides one between his fingers.

“Hey,” His boss-slash-father figure gives him a look, but he doesn’t stay irritated for long, instead leaning back against the wall to finish his own smoke before heading inside. “Need a light?” He asks, handing Ren a small, black lighter from his pocket. 

“Thanks,” Ren murmurs. He’s taken up smoking more recently, if only because he has little else better to do. Ryuji is busy pretty much constantly at this point - they used to line up their days off, spend lazy mornings together watching old cartoon reruns, but Haru needs him on Sundays and Mondays for the weekly shipments. Not to mention that by the time Ren gets home most of the time, Ryuji’s already out cold. 

Honestly? Ren is lonely.

“You’ve seemed down recently,” Sojiro comments as Ren lights his cigarette and hands him back his little zippo. “Everything okay?” 

“Fine,” Ren mumbles, taking a deep drag and suppressing the urge to cough. “Ryuji’s just been really busy lately, so I’m kind of bored.” 

“Bored, eh?” Sojiro winks at him. “Maybe you should get out some. You have other friends, you know.” 

Ren shrugs. “They’re all pretty busy, too. I mean, Futaba just started college…” 

“I’m sure if you reach out, one of them would be willing to go to a bar with you or something,” Sojiro ashes his cigarette, takes one more drag, then snuffs it out and stuffs it in his apron for later. “Just don’t be getting into trouble. I can’t have that coming back on me.” 

Ren rolls his eyes. “You’ve said that for years, Boss, and have I ever done anything to disappoint you?” 

Sojiro gives him a flat look. “ Yes. ” 

Laughing nervously, Ren decides now is a good time to finish his cigarette and head inside. He wasn’t exactly the best kid back in high school - him and Ryuji got into so much trouble together, especially as his probation was nearing its end. When he got back home, his rebellious nature just got worse and that culminated in his grandparents sending him back to Tokyo for college. 

Which, well, he hasn’t really gotten that far yet, but he’s sure he will. Eventually. Or, he’ll just take over Leblanc. Ren wouldn’t mind carrying on Wakaba’s curry recipe another generation one bit. 

His mind is back on Ryuji again - this thorn in his side that’s just digging, digging, hurting. Maybe he does miss the sex a little, but he misses spending time with him more. He never realized how much he relied on him to cut loose until Ren suddenly found himself without. Ryuji’s his best friend, but right now it feels like they live halfway across the world from each other. 

He does still text, though. Thankfully. It’s not much, but it’s something , and Ren’s day is considerably brightened when Ryuji sends him a goofy picture of him and Haru in the kitchen, making red bean buns. Bring some home with you, Ren types in response before going through the motions of getting Leblanc open for the day. 

Sojiro leaves after the breakfast rush - he’s been working less and less these days, mostly because he’s busy helping Futaba settle into her new apartment - but he might also be testing him? Ren doesn’t really understand why Sojiro does things sometimes, but he has hinted at a ‘passing of the torch,’ so to speak. It’s easier to ponder about that instead of moping over his lack of good Ryuji time over the past couple of months. 

It’s not like they stopped… doing stuff outright. Ryuji never did say he wanted to stop, after all, a weak glimmer of hope at the back of Ren’s mind that maybe this would stop being weird and just become a part of their lives. They still did some filming here and there for a time, as selfish as it was on Ren’s part to keep asking about it, but eventually Ryuji got too busy, too tired, and finally Ren just… gave up. The spark wasn’t there anymore, it felt less like fun and more like work especially when they had other, better ways they could be spending their time. Not to mention that Ren was too chicken to even approach the idea of fourth base. 

Of course, everything just circles back to Ryuji and he’s so lost in thought that he doesn’t even notice Ann and Makoto walking through the door. 

“Ren,” Ann leans over the counter, making him jump a little. “A little birdie told me you’ve been lonely. ” 

Ren makes a face. Is Sojiro blabbing to all his friends again? “Oh, yeah? Ever thought that little birdie might be a filthy liar?” 

“Sojiro doesn’t lie,” Makoto snorts. “Well, not about you , at least.” 

Ah, so it was Sojiro. He must have run into them on his way out. Makoto is looking well - the whole crew still gets together at least once a month, that’s a given, but life changes faster than that sometimes. She must be on her day off, because instead of her clean, cold-pressed pantsuit she’s wearing a pair of ripped black jeans and a tank top. Ann - well, Ren sees her more often, and she's the same as always. Fashionable, almost unrealistically beautiful, and very, very annoying. 

“Come out with us tonight,” Ann’s request is less a question and more a demand. “We’re gonna go to this new club that opened up in Shinjuku.” 

Ren sighs. It doesn’t matter what he does at this point - once Ann wants to do something, it is happening whether anyone else likes it or not, and with the apologetic look Makoto is giving him she, too, was roped into this whole thing. 

“What, too chicken to go alone?” Ren asks as he rinses a mug. 

“I go out alone all the time,” Ann pouts, “But it’s so much more fun with friends.” 

“I have work, you know.” 

“Sojiro said he’d be back in a bit,” Makoto ever-so-helpfully pipes in, “and that you can just lock up temporarily. He’ll take care of things once he’s back.”

Ah, so there really is no way of weaseling himself out of this, is there? Ren groans, making a show of throwing his head back and almost losing his glasses in the process. Makoto laughs a little under her breath as he readjusts them.  

“C’mon,” Ann pleads, giving Ren her best puppy-dog-eyes expression. If he didn’t know her so well, it might have even worked. “After everything that’s happened, you deserved to take a load off.” 

He did tell Ann about the whole situation, about how it felt like him and Ryuji were drifting apart. She already knew about everything to begin with, so it wasn’t hard to confide in her. As far as he’s aware, no one else knows - confirmed by Makoto’s confused expression - and he’s thankful for Ann’s confidentiality on the matter if nothing else. She’d said that things like this take time, and that maybe Ryuji just wants to be normal friends again. 

Well, if he wanted to be ‘normal’ friends and not ‘friends who also fuck,’ he’s doing a really shitty job at showing it. 

You know what? Yeah. Ren does deserve to cut loose a little. Maybe Ryuji won’t be there, and that kind of sucks, but Ren can at least try to have some fun. Without him. 

God, he’s lonely. 

“Okay, okay,” Ren finally relents, putting up his hands in defeat. “Fine. Let me just put my stuff away.” 

---

And that is how Ren Amamiya finds himself in a dimly-lit nightclub in Shinjuku, watching from a dark corner as Ann and Makoto dance with colorful cocktails in their hands.

Ren enjoys people-watching. He likes to see what strangers get up to at places like this, likes to get a vibe for the crowd. There’s a pretty even distribution of both men and women here - some dancing, some sitting at tables, some even passed out on the bar. He’s pretty sure that guy wiping his nose doesn’t have a cold and he’s surprised Makoto of all people even agreed to come. 

“Hey,” The woman he’s thinking about materializes next to him, pressing a beer into his hand. “Drink a little and get that stick out of your butt.” 

“You’re one to talk,” Ren sniffs, but takes the drink anyways. 

“I heard from Ann,” Makoto looks out to the dance floor, and Ren’s heart jumps into his throat. “You’re going through a breakup or something?” 

“ What? ” Is that what Ann told her? Ren’s heart thumps a little faster and he swallows thickly before taking a large swig of his beer. “No - nothing like that. Ryuji’s just been real busy ever since he started working at Haru’s, so -” 

“Oh, so a friend breakup.” Makoto nods in understanding and if it wasn’t for her professional innocence Ren might want to punch her in the shoulder. “Well, I’m sure he’ll come around eventually. Nothing bad happened, right? Just schedule stuff?” 

“Yeah,” Ren chokes out the lie, more bitter than his drink. “Just schedule stuff.” 

“Good.” Makoto smiles, patting him in an almost-motherly way on the cheek. “I’m gonna go back out there, but if I come back and still find you lurking in a corner…” 

Makoto doesn’t even have to finish that sentence - Ren is already obediently shuffling into the crowd because he’d really rather not find out just what Makoto would do if he doesn’t participate in this… forced socialization exercise. 

Ren’s a little out of his element, but he blends in with the crowd soon enough, bobbing his head to the thump of the bass as his beer gets lighter and lighter in his hand. He makes nice with some local office workers, they buy him a drink. They learn that he works at Leblanc - he thought he recognized them from somewhere - they buy him a shot. They are gloriously unaware that Ren is probably the worst lightweight this side of Shinjuku - but it would indeed be quite the faux pas to refuse a drink from his elders. 

So, Ren is well and drunk by the time a girl approaches him, swaying to the music and stumbling a little in her heels. 

“Hey,” She says, her voice a little slurred. 

“Hey,” Ren says back, and - yeah, he’s checking her out. She’s tall and thin, with long, smooth legs that disappear into a skin-tight, black dress. Her short, black hair is cropped bluntly at her chin, showing off her angular features - features that remind Ren so much of him that with maybe one more drink the beer goggles would kick in and he could pretend he’s just here shooting the shit with his best friend. 

“Th’s place is nice,” The woman remarks, and Ren nods slowly in agreement. “You go out a lot?” 

“Um,” Ren stares down at his empty glass. What was it again? Something-something highball… “Not really. Kind of getting back into the swing of things.” 

“What, not your scene?” The woman leans in and Ren can smell the booze on her breath. Her breasts sway in that sinfully-tight dress and he swallows because wow, she’s pretty hot, actually. 

“Not usually,” Ren replies evenly even as his vision is doubling a little. He’s certainly thinking with his other head when he leans a little closer, and the woman giggles a little, a pale flush painting her face. 

“Well, there are plenty of other places,” The woman muses, and a slim, slender hand traces its way up Ren’s thigh. He shivers. 

…Ryuji’s supposed to be out tonight, right? He was doing something with Haru, some catering event that he said was probably gonna go late enough that he might just end up staying at her place. Remembering that gives him an odd, sharp twinge of jealousy. 

“What other places?” Ren asks, and without thinking he’s looping an arm around the woman’s waist. Her warm body presses against his own as he leans down to nip at the shell of her ear. 

“Mmm,” The woman hums, obviously pleased, “Well, yours, for one.” 

Yes. Yes. Game. One-hundred percent game.  

He shoots a quick text to Makoto and Ann before he’s leading this stranger out of the club. 

---

God, it’s been a while since he got his dick wet, but was it always this… clumsy?  

He feels like a fish out of water, senses dulled by the alcohol, as he crawls over the woman now lying naked on his futon and kisses down her front. She makes soft noises, high-pitched ones, and they sound so odd compared to the gruff moans he’s gotten so used to. Well - he’s here now, so he might as well enjoy it, sliding down her body to bury his face in the heat between her legs. 

“Oh, shit ,” She hisses. “What’s your name again?” 

Did they even exchange names? “Ren,” He mumbles against her soft flesh, “You?” 

“Ryoko,” Her breath catches in a moan and Ren wants to punch a wall because why is everything making him think about it?

He’s not mad that Ryuji’s not here, he’s not, he’s happy for him, but also he’s gone all the time and they never even had a real conversation about what this all means, and - 

Ren Amamiya, you have a naked woman underneath you. Just forget about it and get laid.

With a grunt, Ren tugs down his boxers - thank god for biological prerogatives because he is blessedly hard, and it only takes a moment to fumble with the condom she offers him. When he slides inside Ryoko she squeals, burying her face in a pillow, the same pillow Ryuji would use to prop himself up when they play video games - goddammit. 

At this point, he’s just going through the motions. Sure, it feels good, but he’s got this veritable fortress of self-deprecating thoughts surrounding him, this miasma of bad vibes - at least this girl is too drunk to care, her hands running over her breasts, moaning wantonly as he fucks her. The pitter-patter of rain outside lulls him into a steady rhythm, just happy to let it carry him away so he stops overthinking every. Damn. Thing. 

“Ren - Ren - oh, Ren- ” 

“ Ren?!” 

That isn’t a girl’s voice. 

Oh. Fuck. 

Chapter Text

Normally, if Ryuji walked in on him doing something like this, it would be an ‘oh, shit, I’ll come back later’ kind of thing, but after everything that’s happened? 

Evidently, things are different now. 

“Dude,” Ryuji looks positively betrayed as he stands in the doorway, eyes wide, and Ren suddenly feels like the scum of the earth. The girl - Ryoko - she’s already packing it in, hurriedly tugging her dress back on and grabbing her bag. She’s nothing if not polite as she bows in apology to both Ren and the sudden intruder before squeezing around Ryuji and slipping out the door. 

Ren feels sick to his stomach. 

“What the hell, man?” Ryuji’s tone is incredulous, underlined with a laugh like he can’t believe what he’s seeing. “You could have texted me or something.” 

Is Ren just that drunk, or does Ryuji sound angry?  

No, he is angry, and his sudden intrusion has Ren sobering up real damn quick. “I thought you weren’t going to be here,” He says dumbly.  

“We got rained out. Didn’t you get my text?” 

Ren picks up his phone off the floor, clicks the button. It’s dead. Ryuji scoffs. “Of course you didn’t.” 

“What do you mean?” Ren snatches his pants, tugs them on. Ryuji’s angry, but he’s angry, too, angry that this drunken moment to himself was so surreptitiously stolen.  “You barely text, anyways. You’re barely even home. ” 

“What?” Ryuji sputters. “I thought you wanted me to get a job! I needed to get a job, or -” 

“Or what? ” Ren doesn’t want to ask it, but it slips out anyway. Or what, Ryuji, you’d have to keep having sex with your best friend? And you think that’s gross and gay and weird?  

“Fuck, I don’t know, man!” Ryuji throws his hands up. “If you’d just talk to me-” 

“I’ve tried! ” Ren’s shouting now but he’s too drunk to care. “But you’re always too busy, or hanging out with Haru, or -” 

“ Hanging out? She’s my boss!” 

In Ren’s alcohol-addled mind, there’s something between the two of them, he knows it, there has to be, why else would he have pulled away so suddenly, why else would he have just… left Ren wondering if he was crazy for thinking what they had was more than just the sex? “Sounds like quid pro quo to me,” Ren growls under his breath. 

Suddenly, Ryuji’s in his face, looming over him. Shit - he didn’t mean to say that out loud. He’s pissed, his brow furrowed, his jaw clenched. Ren stands up to meet his gaze, setting his own teeth against each other and trying desperately to hide the hurt and pain and… and everything else. 

“Say that again,” Ryuji growls. 

“You were gonna stay at her place tonight,” Ren can’t help himself, it’s out in the open now. He’s too drunk to care and it’s so, so easy right now to make baseless, idiotic assumptions. He knows there’s nothing between him and Haru. He does. But maybe he just wanted to make Ryuji feel something. 

“Yeah? So you decided to go and bang some random chick off the street?” Ryuji scoffs. “Typical.” 

“The hell do you mean by that? ” 

“Come on, man, you were basically the village bicycle back at Shujin, every girl had their turn with you-” 

Ren’s slapping him across the face without thinking. 

---

Today was supposed to be a normal day. Just - another regular day, right? Helping Haru at a catering event, coming home and passing the fuck out because he’s exhausted. He doesn’t want to be working this much, and even Haru’s starting to worry, but he’s gotta pay Ren back somehow for how much he’s helped Ryuji out while he’s been out of a job. He always told himself that was the first thing he’d do once he had income again, and he’s holding himself to that.  

Y’know, Ren scratched his back, Ryuji would do the same. Eye for an eye type of shit. Yeah, he’s busy as hell, and not getting laid every couple days like before kind of sucks ass (especially since Ren hasn’t even so much as brought up filming in the last couple of weeks) but soon he can go back to a normal schedule, give Ren the money he’s owed, and they can be close again.

What he did not expect was Ren flying off the handle, bringing a random girl home, and then insinuating that he’s fucking his boss.  

Okay, obviously, Ren is not in his right mind. And maybe Ryuji got a little weirdly jealous about the other girl, because isn’t that kind of a them thing? But he has to backtrack there because no, that’s sex, that’s not a them thing, that’s just a thing - a thing Ren is apparently totally happy to do with pretty much anyone else he can find. 

And - yeah, calling Ren a bicycle was a low blow, even for him, and he probably deserved that slap. Then again, Ren probably deserves the punch in the chest Ryuji delivers right back for saying all that stuff about Haru. They’re both reeling, both angry, and Ryuji knows that violence isn’t the answer here but somehow it feels so damn good to duke it out with his best friend. 

They did used to fight - a lot. Physically. Sometimes it was just for fun, sometimes it was because they piss each other off. It’s just part of being friends, right? At least, for him and Ren, that was normal and after they got it out of their systems they’d be fine, everything would be okay. 

But there’s a kind of desperation in the way Ren tackles him to the floor. Ryuji deftly rolls out from underneath him to pin him to the ground instead, grabbing one of his wrists. “You’re an asshole when you’re drunk, you know that?” 

“You’re an asshole when you leave your friend hanging all the fucking time,” Ren spits back. His tone’s positively dripping with venom and Ryuji reels back a little. Ren doesn’t get angry, not like this. He looks betrayed, he looks hurt.  

Before Ryuji can react, Ren’s kneeing him in the stomach, hard . Ryuji sputters, but his grip on Ren’s arm holds fast. “I’ve been working so much so I can pay you back!” He says quickly, before Ren can retaliate.

Ren relaxes for a split second - a moment of weakness that Ryuji uses to grab his other wrist and wrestle him fully onto his back - and then he’s angry all over again, writhing and kicking and trying to get Ryuji to release him. 

“I never- said-” He gnashes his teeth with frustration. “That you had to pay me back!” 

“Jesus, dude, I just wanted to, isn’t that enough?” Ryuji presses his full weight down on top of him, leaning down because he wants Ren to see him, wants Ren to understand. He can’t owe him, he can’t owe anyone. It would eat him away until he’s nothing. 

“Why didn’t you just tell me? ” Ren snarls into his face. His glasses are all off-kilter, his hair a mess, his face flushed from the alcohol Ryuji can smell on his hot breath. 

“I wanted it to be a surprise,” Ryuji hisses with the effort to keep Ren still. “But I thought you’d figure it out eventually.” 

“Well, I didn’t -” 

God, fuck this. Fuck all of this. Ryuji was not prepared for this after walking home in the pouring rain, his shirt’s still damp and he’s uncomfortable and he wants nothing more than to just curl up with Ren on the floor and watch some shitty B-movie until he passes out. Ryuji feels guilty, he hurt him, but at the same time Ren could have just grown some balls and had a conversation with him like a normal person.

Ren isn’t a normal person, though, and neither is he. 

So, Ryuji just kisses him. 

At first, Ren is all swats and kicks and trying to wriggle away, and it doesn’t help that Ryuji admittedly still isn’t a very good kisser - their teeth clack together painfully, but he doesn’t let up. He maneuvers both of Ren’s wrists into one hand so he can grab his hair, just - trying to hold him in one place because he won’t stop writhing - and once he has a good fistful he tugs and Ren just goes limp beneath him, finally defeated. 

They’re both breathing hard - Ryuji’s mouth is just millimeters away from Ren’s as they both gasp for air. The sweet taste of alcohol lingers on his tongue. 

“I’m sorry,” Ren says finally, and god, Ryuji just can’t figure this guy out. Just a few weeks ago, he was laughing and smiling and he looked so - he looked so genuinely himself but now he’s all drawn in, casting his eyes down in shame and Ryuji can’t deal with him making that face. 

“Shut up, ” Ryuji growls as he leans down to clamp his teeth onto the soft flesh of Ren’s neck. He makes a startled noise, stiffening, but just as quickly he’s relaxing into the sensation and Ryuji feels like he’s finally getting those walls to crack all over again. 

He releases from Ren’s neck to say sorry in his own way - sorry for abandoning him, for their communication breaking down so wholly. His hands slide down over his chest - his shirt’s haphazardly unbuttoned, wrinkled, and when Ryuji leans in he can still smell that strange woman’s perfume and he is startled by just how much that bothers him. 

“What was with Miss Random, huh?” Ryuji murmurs against his skin. He’s trying hard not to sound sad but he kind of is , it feels weird now to walk in on him with someone else even if he doesn’t know why.

“I don’t know, I just-” Ren hisses as Ryuji’s rain-cold hands worm their way up his shirt. “She was hitting on me, and I was drunk-” 

“ Was? You’re still pretty drunk, dude.” 

“I mean - yeah -” Ren swallows thickly, adam’s apple bobbing gently, and his breath catches in his throat when Ryuji leans up to suck at it. He just - he just wants to touch him, all over, wherever he can see, god it’s been so long and he is so fucking horny - but also, Ren’s drunk and he has to wonder if he’s just making things worse. 

He halts in his ministrations, and his heart twists painfully when a whine ekes its way out of his friend’s throat, dying in the air between them. “Should we stop?” Ryuji asks, his voice strangely small. 

“No,” Ren’s voice is a little hoarse from shouting, but it’s a fervent no all the same. “Don’t want to.” 

Hah. Ren’s always been a lightweight, and he’s so damned needy when he’s drunk. At least - at least Ryuji knows where they stand now, even if he is still a little pissed at him for doing something so dumb. Hell, Ren’s probably still pissed at him, too. 

They do really get angry with each other over the dumbest shit, don’t they? 

Ryuji sits up, pulls his shirt off, and he’s keenly aware of Ren’s eyes following him intently as he does. Okay, maybe Ren’s not gay - he was just fucking a chick, for christ’s sake - but he is into him and right now that’s all Ryuji needs. He’s been so damned cagey over the last few weeks, Ryuji didn’t even want to bring up the whole filming thing because then he might get solid proof that it was over, that they didn’t have to anymore - but what if he just wanted to? 

He can’t lie, this is fun. Even if he’s sore from work and from fighting with Ren, this is fun and he likes seeing Ren fall apart like this. Maybe he even loves it, just a little. 

Despite his eagerness, Ren smells like booze and he smells like… well, he smells like wet dog. Neither of those smells exactly get his engine going. “We both kind of stink,” He says with an air of humor, but Ren still turns his head away, looking a little ashamed. Well, if this is his line for what’s considered shameful, then at least he has one, Ryuji thinks to himself. “Shower? 

“...Yeah.” 

Ren is considerably more sober as soon as the water hits his skin - Ryuji knows because he’s always been like this. Such a lightweight, but he’s only ever drunk for like, an hour or two at a time. Ryuji is washing his hair, scrubbing through those thick, black locks with the foamy shampoo, and when he tugs his hair teasingly Ren just slaps his hand away. 

“Still mad at you,” He says grumpily, and - yeah, no, he’s not joking, there’s definitely still a little bite to his tone that’s normally not there.  

“Yeah?” Ryuji presses himself up against Ren from behind, fingers massaging his hips just the way Ryuji knows he likes. “I’m still pretty pissed at you. That girl could have been trying to rob us blind.” 

“Rob us of what? Our shitty TV?” He’s not budging on being mad, it seems, and Ryuji just rolls his eyes - he wishes Ren would just shut up, that he’d just get over it and they could go back to being normal friends-with-maybe-benefits-sometimes, but if the kiss and all the touching didn’t do it he’s not sure what will.

Then, a great and terrible idea comes to mind, and he grins lecherously as he pulls away, stepping out of the shower. 

“What - where are you going?” Ren peeks his head out past the curtain, where Ryuji is hurriedly drying himself. 

“Come with me and find out,” He says. “But make sure you’re really clean first.” 

That shuts him up. 

The curtain is tugged hurriedly shut without another word, and Ryuji steps out of the bathroom to be met with the mess Ren left behind. “Ugh,” He groans, immediately stripping the sheets of Ren’s futon because he hates the smell of that perfume. They’ll just use his, he figures - and damn, where did he put that lube he bought? 

When his roommate finally leaves the shower, he’s got a towel wrapped loosely around his waist, but there’s still a flush lingering on his chest and Ryuji’s heart thumps faster in his chest. 

Are they really doing this? 

Ren sits down beside him. He’s definitely mostly sober now - his gaze is almost expectant as he waits for Ryuji to make the first move, like he’s challenging him, daring him to chicken out. 

Shit, yeah, they’re doing this. 

Ryuji starts slow, tries to pick up where they left off. He turns to lean over Ren, nipping at his jaw, his neck, his collarbone, anywhere he can reach - the towel is bulging ever-so suspiciously as his mouth travels lower. Ren fists a hand in his hair - probably revenge for the shower- and damn, that feels good, no wonder he likes it so much.

When Ryuji reaches the faint trail of hair down from his navel, disappearing into the ratty bath towel, he tugs it off to find Ren wonderfully, deliciously hard, cock twitching a little as it’s exposed to the open air. He’s seen it plenty of times before, but it’s weird to be so close up - usually Ren is the one doing stuff to him.  

Maybe it’s time to change that. 

With his right hand, he slowly works him up and down, and fuck the noise Ren makes has Ryuji rock-hard already, this strangled whine that escapes his throat as he bucks his hips upwards into Ryuji’s palm. With his left, he’s hurriedly uncapping the lube - he does have to pull away to squeeze a liberal amount onto his fingers, but Ren surprisingly doesn’t protest. 

Instead, he’s watching him carefully, propped up on his elbows just enough to see. Without his glasses he’s so much more expressive, so much more himself , and Ryuji grins at him, waggling his lubed fingers in his direction in a tepid attempt to ease the tension between them.

The anger seems to bleed out of him, albeit briefly. Ren falls back with a frustrated groan. “Fuck you,” He grumbles. 

“Damn, the jokes just write themselves,” Ryuji murmurs, side-eyeing him as he slides two fingers down his perineum, leaving them to rest right on the rim. Ren shivers. “If you wanted to fuck so bad, you could have just asked. ” 

Ren opens his mouth to protest, but Ryuji takes the opportunity to press a single finger inside and he hisses instead, arching his back. His knuckles go white as he fists his hands into the sheets. “ Gently, you asshole.” 

“Relax, then.” Ryuji probably couldn’t pull his finger out if he wanted to and the prospect of having his dick in there is so, so fucking tantalizing. 

For a while, things go relatively smoothly - though, this is a lot less sexy than they make it out to be in porn. Ren just looks uncomfortable, shifting here and there and making a sort-of-funny, sort-of-sad face, and Ryuji uses his free hand to stroke him gently, trying to distract him from the sensation. 

But then, oh, then, Ryuji slides his finger all the way in once more, curling it a little to get a better angle, and -

“Oh, shit, ” Ren breathes. 

Well, Ryuji’s not sure what he just did but apparently it was good. He laughs under his breath, a little nervous, but when he crooks his finger again Ren makes probably the most undignified sound Ryuji’s ever heard and it goes straight to his cock. 

“Oh, that’s hot,” Ryuji bites his lip. Okay, maybe it is as sexy as the pornos, he just wasn’t doing it right. Ren is well and relaxed now - squeezing out more lube, Ryuji presses in another finger and the stretch has the man before him groaning and writhing, the lean muscles in his thighs tensing when Ryuji pistons them in and out. 

“You were off fucking someone,” Yeah, Ryuji’s just working out his frustrations now, so sue him, “When I could have been fucking you the whole time?” He scoffs, separating his fingers roughly to stretch him before curling them again. Ren gasps, bucking his hips - Ryuji watches as his cock bobs heavily, precome dribbling onto his stomach. He licks his lips at the sight because - wow. That is way hotter than it has any right being. 

Yeah, Ren Amamiya could definitely be the porn star of the age if he decided to apply himself. For sure.

“Ren,” Ryuji leans forward, wanting to look him in the eyes. “What do you want?” 

Ryuji’s not really giving him much time to reply, with the relentless way he’s fingering him, so he’s ever-patient as Ren tries to catch his breath. “ Fucking- ” He gasps again when Ryuji rubs up against that spot once more. “God, holy shit, that feels so good-” 

“C’mon, man,” Ryuji urges, because he is mind-numbingly hard right now. “Tell me.” 

“Je sus- ” Ren’s hand snaps up and grabs a fistful of his hair, yanking him closer - Ryuji yelps with surprise but the intense look in his best friend’s eyes shuts him right up. 

“Just do it already,” He hisses. And yep, yes, yessir. Ryuji is doing it. Fumbling a little, Ryuji tugs off his boxers - why did he even put anything back on anyways - and watches Ren bite his lip hard when his cock springs free.

“Fuck yes,” Ren groans, he’s already scooting back to give Ryuji room, but - no, no, Ryuji’s calling the shots right now. Ryuji wants Ren to know that he’s his , he owns him. 

Jesus, where did that come from, He thinks to himself as he lines up. 

It’s tight, achingly tight, as Ryuji grabs Ren’s hips but fails to find purchase there. Fuck it, he slides his hands down to grip his ass instead and it’s soft and firm, different from the girls he’s been with but it just feels so goddamn right.  

Ren’s holding his breath, looking a little pale, and Ryuji doesn’t know what to do other than pat him gently on the chest as he tries to slide inside of him. That earns Ryuji a little laugh, and it relaxes Ren just enough that he slips in all the way to the hilt and -

Oh, fuck.  

“Hhhholy shit, ” Ryuji groans, just basking in that perfect, warm feeling surrounding him. 

“ Fuck, ” Ren throws his head back. He’s harder than Ryuji’s ever seen him before, his cock’s twitching all over the place and this is one-thousand percent going to be burned into the back of his retinas forever. Ren Amamiya, falling apart because of him, white-knuckling the pillow because of him - 

God, it’s the best feeling in the world but that pillow still smells like Miss Random and Ryuji hates it. He leans over - however flexible his friend is be damned, but his legs follow anyway - and he chucks the pillow across the room before leaning in and mashing his mouth against Ren’s. He slides out a little, but Ren is scrabbling at the floor with his feet, helping him slide right back in - 

They separate, for a brief moment, and the only thing Ryuji can say is a gruff “ Mine” before he starts fucking Ren in earnest. 

He hardly even remembers saying it, or maybe doesn’t want to remember - it’s tucked away into the deep recesses of his mind, the sea of his soul, but it’s written all over his face that he hates that he walked in on Ren with someone else and he never wants to feel those disgusting tendrils of jealousy ever again. 

“ Ryuji, ” The man beneath him breathes, and oh his name in Ren’s mouth is the best kind of feeling.

“Yeah?” He responds, almost smugly despite the tinniness of his voice betraying just how fucking turned on he is right now - but doesn’t slow down even for a second. Ren’s writhing underneath him, gasping for air, maybe even hyperventilating a little, fuck that’s hot. 

“Fuck,” He curses as he tries to worm a hand downwards, tries to touch himself, but Ryuji slaps his hand away just as fast because no, that’s his job tonight, he’s going to show Ren just how good he is, he’s going to make Ren scream and any time he even thinks of fucking someone else he’s just going to see him, only him - 

It occurs to him, dully, that these are some weird-ass thoughts to have while playing the world’s longest game of gay chicken with your best friend, but he’s mad, okay?

Ryuji wraps a shaky hand around him, and Ren reacts like he’s been electrocuted - his back arches off the mattress and cries out, the sound somewhere between pleasure and pain. He’s slick with his own precome, the sight and the feeling sending warm heat pooling in Ryuji’s gut - fuck, this might be the hottest sex I’ve ever had?

“Shit, be careful, ” Ren hisses, “I’m so - ngh - I’m so fucking sensitive -” 

Every word is like honey, every sound like another yen clinking into the ‘make Ryuji nut’ bank, holy shit his best friend is so hot. He has no right being this hot - but he inexplicably is, as Ryuji works Ren’s cock with renewed vigor and watches with sick fascination as he whines, moans, squirms helplessly under him. He’s swelling in his hand, tensing around him - 

“I’m gonna-” Ren chokes out, and oh Ryuji can feel it, the way Ren’s entire body tenses up like the world’s sexiest bowstring, the way his toes curl, the way his eyes roll back into his head. 

“Me too, fuck- Ren- ” And then Ryuji’s coming, hard and fast and perfect and mindblowing as warm wetness envelops him - inside and out, because something splatters against his chin and somehow that’s even hotter.  

Then, everything is quiet. 

Ryuji’s ears are ringing. 

“H-holy shit, ” Ren whispers, staring up at the ceiling like he just met god. 

“Holy shit, ” Ryuji repeats dumbly. His vision doesn’t want to come into focus. 

“Did you…” Ren’s eyes are searching but finding nothing. “Did you go bareback?” 

Oh, shit. He kind of forgot about a condom in the heat of the moment. “...Oops.” 

“Dude,” He’s still breathless, but he leans up a little to give Ryuji an exasperated look. “Come on.” 

“Sorry! It was all just so intense, and-” He shrugs a little before letting his shoulders go limp. He does feel bad, but it’s kind of hard to be truly remorseful in such a blissful post-orgasm haze. 

“Intense is right,” A nervous laugh bubbles out of Ren and oh, there it is. That’s him, that’s pure Ren Amamiya right there, not whatever front he puts up around people, not the mask, just him. Ryuji’s heart swells. 

Carefully, he disentangles himself from Ren, flopping down beside him with a huff of satisfied finality. He’s sticky and sweaty and sore but damn, it feels so good. 

“That was fun,” Ren says softly, after a long minute of comfortable silence. His voice is small, vulnerable, and when he curls up against Ryuji's side it gives him an odd, fluttering feeling in his chest, like everything is going to be okay. 

“Hell yeah it was,” Ryuji says, folding his arms behind his head and closing his eyes. Sure, all the weird feelings are still there - not to mention whatever the hell got into him when they were fucking - but right now he’s very, very cool with ignoring them. If only for one night. 

One night - one night where it’s just him and Ren against the world, one night where things feel normal, where he’s not constantly asking himself questions, where he’s not constantly feeling like he’s sick or disgusting for wanting this. Just. One night. That’s all he’ll ask for. He can deal with the feelings , the doubts, the inevitable feeling of emptiness - he can deal with all of that tomorrow. Right now is just for him and Ren. 

“Hey, Ryuji?” 

“Hm?” 

“...You have a black eye.”

Chapter Text

Things finally feel right again. 

Ryuji has paid Ren what he's due (no matter how much he tried to refuse it), and for the first time in a solid month he has more than a single day off. Even better, Ren has the day off, too - so Ryuji gets a blissful day with no responsibility where he and his best friend can just… hang out. 

At this point, they're past the point of awkwardness - they're still filming for beer money in their free time, and things like physical touch no longer make Ryuji feel like gay little bugs are crawling up his back. Things are just comfortable . There are no labels, no conversations about it - because that would mean having to face this minor identity crisis - they're just friends who fuck. Nothing more, nothing less, and that's exactly how he likes it. 

On this blessed Monday, Ryuji is splayed out comfortably on their futons - this is their first time living together during the cold months, and it just made sense to push them together even if they end up practically on top of each other the next morning. Ren is making coffee - Ryuji's never been a fan but the smell, certainly, is nice, wafting through the apartment and making everything just feel so damned cozy.  

“I think it's gonna rain today,” Ryuji calls, because his knee is twinging in the way it tends to do when bad weather is on the horizon. 

“Forecast didn't say anything about rain,” Ren replies, his footsteps growing closer. His roommate presses a hot mug into Ryuji's hands and he is delighted to find it pale with cream and sugar, topped with a dollop of whipped cream. Just how he likes it. 

“What, you saying my knee is a liar?” Ryuji sips gratefully at his coffee. It's perfectly, sickeningly sweet. Delicious. 

“No, but maybe you should get it checked out.” Ren ruffles his hair as he sits cross-legged beside him - they really should get some form of seating at some point, but for now the futons and a metric fuckload of pillows are just fine. 

“I've had it checked out, like, a gazillion times. It's fine, as far as I know. Just creaky.” He bends his leg back and forth to exemplify, the joint cracking loud enough to make Ren wince. Ryuji grins at his apparent discomfort - he loves when he screws up his face like that. 

“Hate that sound,” Ren mumbles, face inside his coffee mug. “Any plans today?” 

“Jack-” Ryuji scoots forward and to the left, so he can fall into Ren’s lap. “- Shit. You?” 

Ren laughs lightly, just a small sound deep in his chest and Ryuji’s chest flutters happily because it's that telltale laugh that makes him know Ren isn't putting on a front. He's just him today, not the quiet guy with the glasses and an impressive case of RBF. No, just Ren. 

Ryuji's not exactly sure why Ren is so afraid of being himself. He doesn't talk about his family life much - his mother passed when he was young, and he was raised by his grandparents. His father, like Ryuji's, was never really in the picture, and one of his favorite things he's done with Ren is burn neckties on father’s day as a little ‘fuck you’ to their dads who never were. Beyond that, though… he doesn't know. Maybe it has to do with the charges, maybe with moving into the city so abruptly after living in the countryside so long. He's probed about it, but Ren has always been tight-lipped about his past. Not even Ann has been able to eke anything out of him. 

As they enjoy their idyllic little morning, their door buzzer goes off, interrupting Ryuji's train of thought - they're both set on edge, suddenly, bristling as they stare at the door. 

“Landlady?” Ryuji whispers. 

“No, it can't be,” Ren replies quietly. “We paid rent on time, for one. Plus, she goes to stay in Okinawa on weekends, and doesn't come back until Tuesday.” 

“How do you know that?” 

“Did my research, it's why we don't do laundry on weekdays.” He taps Ryuji to get him to move, and the floor creaks as he stands - Ryuji watches, still a little on-edge as Ren opens the door. 

“Oh,” He says, and Ryuji leans over to try and see.  

“Dude, who is it?” 

“It's just a package,” Ren comes back to the living area with a large box in his hands. “It's from the agency.” 

“Oh.” Why would the agency be sending them something? He didn't even know they had their address, and they've made it abundantly clear that they aren't interested in… fan mail . Not after that one guy sent his used underwear. Ryuji shivers a little at the memory. “What is it?” 

“Apparently,” Ren flips up the shipping label, adjusting his glasses as he reads, “Apparently they got sponsored by some company and got a bunch of free product, so they're sending everyone a sampler box and some coupons.” 

“Oooh, is it snacks?” Lots of snacks companies sponsor basically every company out there. “I hope it's snacks.” 

“Well, if you call ‘flavored lube’ a snack, then yes.” Ren squints a little in that way he does when he's amused, probably at the crestfallen look on Ryuji's face. I'd much rather have snacks, He thinks sullenly as Ren grabs a knife to open the box. 

“So, sex toys?” Ryuji pulls a face. He's seen some of the crazy shit sex toy companies sell, and he really doesn't want anything like that anywhere near him. 

Ren nods, pulling the packing material out of the box - slowly, he produces several smaller boxes, setting them neatly on the floor between them for Ryuji to examine. 

The first one is lube - a different brand than what he's bought in the past, but it comes in a glass bottle (fancy!). Pretty old hat for him, though - the next package is much more interesting. Ryuji picks it up, inspecting the artwork on the box. “The hell is this?” 

“That's a cock ring,” Ren replies, his tone so matter-of-fact he could be talking about groceries. Ryuji sputters a little. 

“A- you put it around your- why is there a big thing on it?” 

“That's a vibrator, Ryuji.” 

“Oh.” He feels a little dumb, now. Not a new feeling, but he thought he was at least marginally educated about this sort of thing now. 

Ren keeps pulling things out of the box. He oohs at a particular package, turning it over in his hands - when it's passed over to Ryuji he finds himself holding a box containing… 

“This is literally just rope,” Ryuji says, disappointed. The hell are they supposed to do with this? They can buy rope at the hardware store. 

“That’s shibari rope,” Ren corrects him. “It's softer than normal rope, and better for making knots. Remember when Yusuke took us to that one performing arts event?” 

“The one where they strung up the girls like dolls?” Oh, yeah, Ryuji remembers. It toed this weird line between ‘hot’ and ‘terrifying’, watching them sway gently back and forth as the suspension system slowly rotated them around the stage. “I'd rather not be suspended from the ceiling.” 

Ren snorts. “That's some pretty advanced stuff. Don't worry. I do know a couple knots, though…” 

This new little piece of information is intriguing, but Ren moves on before Ryuji can press him on it. “A blindfold,” Said package is tossed in his direction, “Aaaand - hm.” 

The final object looks to be a black silicone, pill-shaped thing . Ren squints a little - when he clicks the button at the end, it begins vibrating violently, hard enough to make them both jump a little. 

“That's powerful,” Ren remarks. 

“I feel like that would rattle my teeth outta my skull if it touched me,” Ryuji’s curious nonetheless, and he reaches up to pluck it from Ren’s fingers. “It only takes batteries?” 

“Rechargeable.” The vibrator turns on unprompted, and Ryuji nearly drops it in surprise. When he looks up, Ren is holding another small, black object with a cheeky expression. “It has a remote.” 

“For real?” Ryuji makes grabby hands, and Ren relinquishes the remote - he immediately begins to play with it, turning it on and off in quick succession. “Hah, that's pretty cool.” 

They both sit in abject silence for a short while, just… staring at all of the sudden new options unfolding before them. Ryuji's not so sure about the cock… ring… thing , because it looks like that might hurt? But the vibrator, he can work with that. Maybe even the rope, too… 

“Test run?” Ren asks. It's their little way of saying it, maybe their little excuse to have sex without a camera pointed at them. Like - last week, when Ren sucked him off in the shower. Test run. (It ended up being a failure, if only because the steam and the water made it pretty hard to film anything useful.) 

“Hell yeah,” Ryuji grins. “What do you have in mind? I'm thinking, maybe we can -” 

Ryuji shuts up, because Ren is opening up the slim package containing the blindfold, and then he leans over the box to slide it over Ryuji's head. His vision is, obviously, lost to the fabric, and his heart thumps a little louder in his chest. Oh. Is that how this is going to be? 

“I have my own ideas,” Ren states the obvious. “Don't move.” 

Ryuji's keenly aware of his roommate padding around him, the soft clinks of mugs against one another as he clears out the living space. He hears a couple boxes pop open, and now he's just plain nervous as an image enters his mind of Ren dangling him helplessly from the balcony. 

“Is this revenge for that one night? Because, I swear, I didn't know -” 

His blindfold is lifted up, and Ryuji's vision is filled with Ren’s smug expression. “No,” He says simply. “The black eye was enough.” 

Ugh , Haru had worried about him endlessly when she first saw it. When she found out it was from Ren , Ryuji actually thought she might kill him. At least it's mostly faded now. “Then, what?” 

“What, can I not carry the torch every once in a while? I want to try some knots.” 

“Knots?” Ryuji swallows. “I don't know, dude. What if you can't untie them or something?” 

“Yusuke showed me how,” Ren is pulling the long length of rope from its box, turning it over in his hands with fascination. “You'll be fine. You trust me, right?” 

“Yeah, man,” Ryuji responds reflexively. Of course he does - he trusts Ren implicitly. If he says it'll be fine… it'll be fine, right? Maybe it'll even be fun. 

“Okay. Strip.” 

The command is so gentle but so firm , and Ryuji can't help but shiver a little. He's probably taken the initiative a handful of times more than Ren, but his roommate has never been so… demanding . He must be excited, for whatever reason. Without thinking, he's tugging his shirt off (which always gets an appreciative sound from Ren, without fail), tossing it across the room - then go his sleeping shorts, and he shudders as his skin prickles with the cooler autumn temperatures. 

Now fully nude, Ryuji looks back up at Ren, who is meticulously readjusting the futons. “Now, put the blindfold back on, and lay down,” He instructs without even looking up. His flippancy is weirdly… hot, Ryuji isn't exactly sure why, but he dons the blindfold all the same and carefully lays back onto the mattress. 

It's… interesting, not having his sight. Idly, he wonders if this is how blind people feel, so overaware of their other four senses. He hears Ren fiddling with something, he smells the bitter coffee from earlier, tastes his own drink still sticking to his teeth. He feels… 

Well, he feels something smooth and soft being wrapped around him. Ren's humming as he works - no particular tune, just a little thing he does when he's interested in something, and Ryuji's breath hitches as that softness wraps around his chest. He's lifted and manipulated like a toy, almost afraid to move lest he interrupt Ren’s zen or something - though once he gets to his arms he can't help but stiffen a little. 

“Dude, if they're behind my back this is gonna suck, ” Ryuji protests, and Ren halts in his procedure. Carefully, he maneuvers Ryuji's arms above his head, wrists side by side, and when the rope secures them together he exhales softly, tugging experimentally at the bonds. They don't budge, and his face warms. Wow, he really is at Ren’s mercy right now. 

As if he isn't already, but this is… advanced, especially for him. 

The ties continue. Ryuji feels the rope against his skin, and every brush of Ren’s warm hands is like lightning, making him jerk a little against the rope that secures him in place. Some even wrap around his groin , which makes him even more nervy, but the rope is smooth and cool and it somehow doesn't chafe at all even when he shifts his hips to and fro to check. 

“I told you,” Ren laughs, “I know what I'm doing.” 

“Yeah, well - I don't know that,” Ryuji protests weakly. He's hard, or at least getting there - he can feel the rush of blood there, a distinct tightness and discomfort. He hadn't noticed that before the blindfold, but he does now - it's strange, and while he does feel a bit terrifyingly helpless there is also an odd sense of comfort.

Time passes imperceptibly to Ryuji - he's never been good at keeping time anyways - and when Ren does finally remove the blindfold the sudden exposure to so much light is a little jarring. He hisses, instinctively reaching to cover his eyes, but - duh, he's all tied up, he can't. 

Ren’s sitting back on his heels and he looks worried - that's a new expression for him. “You okay?” He asks, brow furrowed. 

Squinting a little, Ryuji nods. “Could you turn off the light?” 

“Shit, yeah, sorry,” Ryuji’s peripheral vision is still obscured by the blindfold so he turns his head to watch Ren moving to hit the switch. The room dims, the only light now filtering through the thin curtains that hide the patio door, and his eyes strain is lessened considerably. “Better?” 

“ So much better. Thanks, man-” He jumps a little when he finds Ren standing over him, hip cocked out to one side as he pulls out his phone. The camera shutter clicks loudly - Ryuji is no stranger to being on camera at this point, but… something about Ren taking a picture now, it has a strange, warm feeling passing through his body and making him shiver. “...Can I see?” 

Ren crouches, turning the phone towards him, and - oh.  

Well. He can certainly see the appeal.

Crimson ropes line his body, passing over his sternum and around his pecs, down to an intricate lattice that circles his waist before coming down to settle in the divot of his hips. Ties run up his arms, all the way to his bound wrists, secured neatly above his head. Once again, Ryuji tests the bonds, and a soft sound escapes him, unbidden.

“What do you think?” Ren asks. His voice is low, lower than Ryuji's used to - his breath hitches and he can't tell if this is hot or a little scary.  

Ren's expression, he realizes, is hungry.  

Okay, yes, definitely hot. 

“It's - wow ,” Ryuji finally manages to formulate a response, even if his brain is reduced to mush at the moment. Frankly, the ties are beautiful - he knew Ren was good with his hands, but not like that. Ryuji’s mouth is so dry , and he swallows thickly - but he nearly chokes when Ren grazes a hand over his erection. 

Leaning down, he finds himself painfully hard - is this how Ren felt that one night? He asks himself, because he is damnably sensitive - every shift of the rope on his skin sends tingles through him, and even with the distance between them he swears he can feel Ren’s breath rolling down over his body. 

“Wow?” Ren chuckles a little, looking very, very satisfied with himself. “Glad you like it.” 

Ryuji nods, biting his lip - Ren reaches up to tug his blindfold back down and he outright whines with the loss of vision. “Ren,” He calls, wanting to at least have a general sense of where his friend actually is because his touches, his breath, any sense of his presence has disappeared. 

“Just a minute,” Ren responds, his tone reassuring, and Ryuji can hear him rummaging through something. Anxiety blooms in his stomach - what the hell is he planning - and he struggles against his bonds again despite knowing how useless it is, so badly wanting to see what's going on. 

Suddenly, there's something… there is something cold sliding around his cock, and Ryuji damn-near jumps out of his skin. 

“Dude!” He gasps. The whole of him is shivering, not with cold but with… no, not fear - anticipation.  

Ren Amamiya just keeps finding new ways to blow his mind. 

“Hey, hey-” Ren’s warm hand layers over his thigh, and Ryuji forces himself to still. “Just relax.” 

“Trying my best,” Ryuji grits out, and the strange feeling continues - it's something… encircling his shaft, and he realizes with a twinge of mild horror that it's the cock ring - though, it doesn't hurt or chafe nearly bad as he expects, and once it is secure it feels like a pleasant, gentle pressure around his base. His prior panic is replaced with a light-headed feeling, and when Ren drags a single finger up the side of his shaft it feels like his senses have been turned up to eleven. 

“Jesus christ,” Ryuji shudders, squeezing his eyes shut reflexively even if there's not much of a point to doing so. Yeah, this is hot - hot, maybe a little terrifying, but - but Ren’s got him, soft palms sliding down his chest and leaving his skin prickling in their wake. The ropes all meet around his solar plexus, and when Ren tugs at them Ryuji finds that his whole body follows, being lifted effortlessly into the air, oh that's pretty hot, too. 

“Ren-” Ryuji's voice is much higher, much more strained than he expects it to be. “I know being the quiet, mysterious type is your thing, but-”

His roommate laughs a little, and the sound does much more than Ryuji expected it would to relax him. “Sorry,” Ren finally says. “I'm just enjoying my handiwork.” 

Ryuji feels his cock jump at his words, and Ren hums with appreciation. “Don't stop talking,” Ryuji says - god the way his voice sounds is embarrassing. 

“I'll try my best,” Ryuji hears much more than he can see the smile tugging at Ren’s lips. It's probably that mischievous smile, that ‘I’m about to get up to something’ smile. “I'm gonna do something, okay?”

Ryuji nods weakly, and he sucks in a sharp breath when he feels Ren fiddling with the ring. Wait, he said there was a vibrator on this thing, didn't he - 

“ Ah! ” The noise that leaves him is nothing if not embarrassing, and he can't help the way his hips jerk upwards, seeking more sensation. It's like - it feels like the whole of him is vibrating, and the feeling is making him dizzy, the world he can't see spinning and stuttering around him. 

Ren waits for him to calm down - god, patience is a virtue but right now Ryuji wants to throttle him for it - and once he is still, a hand wraps around his cock. “How's that?” His… his captor sounds a little breathless, like he's even more into this than Ryuji already is. 

“Weird,” Ryuji’s out of breath, too, despite lying prone on the bed. “Weird, but pretty good.” 

“Good,” Ryuji hears the sound of another package opening - oh god, there's more? “Just focus on that feeling.” 

“Ren,” Ryuji doesn't know what Ren’s up to, but he's not totally sure he likes it. “Ren, what are you-” 

“Ryuji.” Ren's voice is stern enough to shut him right up. “ Relax. ” 

“I- I at least want to know what you're doing!” Ryuji sputters, writhing against the rope. 

“Aw, but that would ruin the surprise.” 

Then, something warm and wet is pressing up against his - his ass, and Ryuji hisses, kicking out a leg involuntarily - Ren catches it midair (why, why is that so hot?!) and sets it down gently back on the futon. “Dude,” Ryuji warns, “You are not- ” 

“Ryuji, do you trust me?” 

Ryuji swallows. Okay- okay. He did this to Ren and it wasn't so bad, right? It'll be fine. Everything’ll be just fine. “Yeah,” His voice is small, choked, and he just tries to focus on the feeling around his cock, the gentle thrumming that reaches his bones. 

Ren’s much more gentle than he is - frankly, Ryuji's not sure how he put up with him. This is definitely a taste of his own medicine, though. The… prodding, the poking, and Ryuji forces himself to relax, to let his muscles fall limp and sink further into the mattress beneath him. 

It burns when Ren’s finger finally slides inside, and Ryuji makes an indecent noise, tilting his head to the side and wishing he had something to bite down on. However, the burning feeling slowly fades, replaced with a… more just a pressure, an intrusion. He feels like maybe he's hyperventilating a little - Ren slides his free hand over his chest and Ryuji sighs shakily. There is a finger in my butt right now , He comes to the dull realization and - honestly? It feels like a normal Monday with Ren. 

Ren Amamiya is always finding new ways to push his buttons, his boundaries, and at this point Ryuji expects and almost craves it. When Ren starts moving his finger it is not a bad feeling, just a feeling , and Ryuji can see why his roommate pulled the faces he did the last time they did something like this. It's weird, it's new, it's uncomfortable , but then Ren’s other hand secures around him and pumps him gently - once, twice, and everything is suddenly all better.  

“Are you gonna - uhn -” The second finger should not feel so good. With all the stimulation, the stretch is almost blissful in the way it burns, the way it slides so effortlessly inside him, and if his brain was mush before it has now been ground down into a fine paste. 

“Wow,” Ren murmurs and it sounds like he’s almost in awe. Ryuji wants to see what he sees, see what’s so awe-inspiring about him of all people, but instead he just curls his fingers, twisting them and reaching as if he’s searching for something - 

“ Hggnfh, ” Ryuji can only make unintelligible noises as it feels like Ren’s stroking his cock from the inside . Holy shit - holy shit - was this what he felt like? It must have been, because a breathy moan falls from Ren’s lips and he laughs a little incredulously. 

“Are you - nnngh god - are you laughing at me?!” Ryuji kicks at him a little, but he just can’t get enough purchase to fight back - Ren presses up against that spot again and he feels like a puppet whose strings were cut as his whole body goes limp. 

“Sorry, sorry,” Ren still sounds amused, but equally enamored as his hand strokes the divot of Ryuji’s hip. “It’s hot, that’s all.” 

Ryuji squirms underneath him uncomfortably. He’s so hot , but he wants more - so uncomfortable but the binding and the feeling and the touches are all driving him up a wall. It’s too much, but not enough at the same time - he feels his chest muscles expand and contract as he fights the ties on his wrists. He wants - he wants to touch Ren, to feel him- 

Ren, relentless and smug bastard that he is, curls his finger again. It’s like a ‘come hither’ motion that Ryuji files away in the back of his mind for later because he is definitely going to get him back for this - but then any plans for revenge are promptly deleted from his mind because pleasure explodes behind his eyes and he groans wantonly into the open air. 

“You’re shaking,” Ren points out, and Ryuji flips him off. 

“I’m aware - god - jesus- ” He’s playing his fingers around Ryuji’s head, teasing his frenulum and the stimulation is making him positively dizzy. He’s actually pretty sure Ren is trying to kill him when he hits the button on the cock ring again and it vibrates even harder.  

Strangely enough, it feels like he should have come by now - hell, he felt like it was coming (hah) back when Ren first introduced him to his P-spot. But the pressure around his base, it feels like he’s going to explode and he just can’t . 

“Jesus-” Ryuji repeats it again and dolefully hopes that he does not exist considering how much he’s used his name in vain on this quiet Monday. “I feel like I’m gonna - but I-” 

Ren just laughs, pure and light and beautiful and god, Ryuji wants to punch him. “That’s probably because of the ring.” 

“Then - take it off, ” Ryuji can hardly get words out - he feels something wet pooling on his stomach and his chest lurches with arousal when he realizes it’s his own precome.

He can’t see Ren, but he knows the guy is wearing that smug, shit-eating grin. He just knows it. “No,” He says simply, and Ryuji whines like a damn dog, clenching his bound hands into fists. Ren inhales sharply - the hand on his cock disappears and Ryuji hears the slide of a zipper. 

“Wait- wait- I take it back-” Ryuji is not prepared for this, he needs to have more mental fortitude before they do this or it might break him - but blessedly, Ren’s fingers do not move and instead Ryuji just hears a lewd, wet shlicking noise.

Oh. Ren’s jerking off. To him. 

That’s - that’s pretty hot. 

A laugh tumbles out of Ryuji, he doesn’t know why, but then those damned fingers curl again and his breath catches in a groan. Must be Ren’s way of getting him to shut up while he’s busy. “Don’t worry,” Ren’s voice is strained and tight and for some reason it’s causing blinding heat to pool in Ryuji’s belly. 

“I’m- I’m not, holy shit, Ren- ” 

“ Ngh- ” Oh, saying his name earns Ryuji an excellent sound. He likes that sound. 

“ Ren, ” He breathes again. If his voice is the only shred of power he has here, by god he’s going to use it. 

His roommate groans again; the shlicking noise increases in tempo. “I should gag you,” Ren growls, and oooh, that tone goes straight to Ryuji’s dick. As if any more blood can go there, he already feels like he’s going to burst. 

“Well, I’m not gagged right now,” Ryuji offers Ren a cocky grin, despite how breathless he is. “What, you like it when I say your name or somethin’?” 

“Shut the hell up,” Ren grunts, pressing up against that spot again and Ryuji laughs weakly because he is so mind-numbingly overstimulated the sensation just has him stuttering his hips weakly. This time, though, he doesn’t stop, just keeps pressing and pressing and pressing almost to the point where it hurts but yet it still feels so, so, earth-shatteringly good. 

“Fuck, Ren, ” That wasn’t on purpose, but Ren lets it slide this time - Ryuji hears him moan softly, his breath quickening, and holy hell he didn’t think he could want anything more than he already does but he - he has to see him come. He’s got to see it - the look on his face, the way his body convulses. “T-take the blindfold off.” 

Ren is silent, save for the soft noises he’s making, and Ryuji can feel his eyes boring into him like he’s expecting something. 

“ Please, ” Ryuji chokes out. 

Ren murmurs something under his breath that sounds suspiciously like good boy (later, Ryuji will wonder why the hell that was so damn sexy) and he tugs the blindfold off, tossing it away. 

Oh, he’s so perfect. 

Ren is red all the way down his chest, his eyes dark with apparent arousal - hell, his pupils are blown so wide that there’s just the thinnest, faintest ring of that stormy gray around them. His glasses are gone, his hair’s in his face, and Ryuji bites his lip. I’m so lucky, a voice in the back of his mind whines. 

“God, Ren, you are-” Ryuji can’t find the right words - surely, they’re out there somewhere, but they are lost to him. “Holy shit, you’re-” 

It’s enough. Ren stiffens, his pace increasing, and then with a shout he finally comes - white ropes burst across Ryuji’s stomach, all the way up to his chest, and the way that makes his body lurch is probably telling about just how much he’s into this. He never, ever thought - not once in a million years - that the fantasy keeping him up at night would be his best friend blowing his load all over him. Never. Yet, somehow, Ren continues to perform the impossible. 

There are still fingers inside him, albeit limp and still - but as soon as Ren catches his breath he’s moving with new gusto like he’s caught a second wind. “Oh fuck, ” Ryuji wasn’t prepared for this and the pleasure is blinding, all-consuming. 

“Good boy,” Ren says and this time it’s clear and intentioned - Ryuji gasps, he doesn’t realize he’s squeezed his eyes shut but when he opens them he finds Ren leaning over him, hot breath in his face.

“Shit,” Ryuji’s embarrassed, but god this is so hot, Ren’s actually going to kill him, reduce him to atoms. “Why’s that so-” 

“What, you like that?” Ren’s wearing that cocky grin - his other hand is slowly working the cock ring off of him and Ryuji thinks he might actually be in heaven. Or hell, maybe, depends on what book you read - 

“Fucking - yes - please - ” He is no longer too proud to beg, he’s just - he’s babbling at this point, too far gone to care - 

“God, say that again,” Ren is so pleased right now. Part of Ryuji hates giving him this win but his body wants to be good, wants to be good for him - 

“ Please, ” Ryuji begs, and finally Ren’s hand wraps around his cock. One pump, he’s seeing stars. Two, he feels like the entire world is falling away. Three, and it is, he’s falling, falling, falling - 

“Shitshitshit holy shit Ren oh my god-” 

He comes. It feels like every time is better than the last. He feels like… he feels like that guy in the cave that they learned about back in philosophy class, and Ren is leading him out. Every step a new horizon. 

Once he is spent, he is cold, because he’s alone - he tries to sit up, panicking a little, but the tension bleeds out of him as soon as he sees Ren returning with a wet washcloth. 

“We kind of made a mess,” He says as he crouches, passing the cloth over Ryuji’s chest and stomach. Ryuji feels like he’s floating.

“Those hands,” Ryuji’s eyes flick down to Ren’s fingers now deftly untying the knotted rope, “Those hands could achieve world peace.” 

“Yeah?” Ren smirks, obviously proud of himself, long lashes fluttering a little as he unloops the length of rope securing Ryuji’s wrists. He’s a little sore, but not debilitatingly so - he brings his hands down to his chest and rubs at where the bindings once were, massaging blood back into the skin. 

Ren settles himself next to him, all the new toys neatly piled back into the box. They probably need to be cleaned, but neither of them can really be assed to care right now. Ryuji’s head automatically finds the crook between his roommate’s chest and bicep and he feels so very content. Just, at peace with the turning of the earth, happy.

“Thanks for not stringing me up on the balcony,” Ryuji mumbles.

“What? Why would I do that? ” 

“...Dunno. Irrational fear, I guess.” 

“Hey,” Ren’s expression is serious as he looks down at Ryuji. “If you ever want to stop, just say so.” 

“Yeah, of course.” Ryuji’s cruisin’ for a snoozin’, but he does acknowledge this needs to be talked about in some capacity. Especially if the agency keeps sending them sponsorship hand-me-downs. “We should come up with safewords…” 

“Probably a good idea,” Ren muses. “Mine’ll be Leblanc. ”

“Leblanc? Why? ” 

“Least sexy thing I could think of.” 

Ryuji snorts. “Fair enough, but Okumura Baked Goods doesn’t exactly roll off the tongue…” He thinks about it for a moment. “Oh, I know. Tatsuya. ” 

“Wh- that character from that old PC game?” 

“Yeah. I’m pretty sure that game gives you, like, negative charisma.” 

“You sound like Futaba.” 

Ryuji rolls his eyes, but he’s much too worn-out to argue. Instead, he relaxes against Ren’s chest, wrapping an arm around his stomach, and drifts into blissful, peaceful sleep. 

(Later, they’d wake up and go get ramen in Ogikubo, just like old times. Ryuji swears to himself they’ll have a conversation about the good boy thing, but he never manages to muster the courage.)

Chapter Text

It’s been a minute, Ren realizes, since he and Ann hung out, because as soon as she spots him putzing around the underground mall waiting for her she’s practically running at a full sprint towards him. 

“Woah-” He stumbles a little as Ann pulls him into a tackle-hug, on her tip-toes so she can properly wrap her arms around him. 

 “Ren! It’s been forever.” Ann pulls away with a wry smile. She’s dressed for the cooler weather - a pair of distressed blue jeans and a red top adorned with the logo of some brand character. “Thanks for coming.” 

 “Thanks for inviting me,” He responds immediately, looking around. The shops have rotated, but the mall is mostly the same as when they used to dick around here back in high school. He and Ryuji used to steal so much stuff from here… ahhh, memories. 

Ann had texted him earlier that morning, asking him if he’d be down to come shopping with her after work - and of course, he can’t really say no or else she'd have a fit. “But it’s only been a few weeks.” 

 “A few weeks too long,” Ann pouts. “Sorry I didn’t hit you up. I took a little trip to Seoul with my modeling agency.” 

 “Seoul?” This is the first Ren’s hearing about this. Ann went to Korea and didn't tell anyone? Or, at least, didn't tell him. “How was that?” 

 “Pretty nice, got some awesome inspiration -” Ann makes a sour face, suddenly, then pokes Ren in the chest. “Wait, no. Don’t distract me. I want all the tea about you and Ryuji.” 

 Ren raises a brow. “What?” 

 “Haru told me you gave him a black eye,” Ann raises her own brow right back, crossing her arms over her chest. “The hell was that about? Are you guys fighting again?” 

 “Oh, right.” He’d almost forgotten about their little fight. Almost. He still has that envelope of money, tucked away in his desk drawer. He didn’t want to take it, but Ryuji insisted and he’s told himself he’ll just use it for a rainy day. “We had a little fight, yeah. We’re fine now, though.” 

They did used to fight back in high school a lot, and Ann would always get on their collective cases for it. Ren isn't really sure why, thinking back on it - it's just easier for them to settle things with their fists sometimes. Cathartic, even. Ren's never been a confrontational person but he'd go to bat with and for Ryuji any day of the week. 

 “Does it have anything to do with that girl you took home?” Ann smirks, motioning for him to walk with her as they head deeper into the mall. Ren follows dutifully, though his stomach churns with anxiety as he remembers the brief sexual encounter. He feels bad for the girl - what the hell had gotten into him that night? 

 “Um- sort of. That’s part of it, I guess.” He can’t really lie to Ann, as much as he wants to. She’ll figure out the truth one way or another eventually. “Mostly, it was me being a baby about him never being home.” 

 “Aw,” Ann pats Ren gently on the back, and he remembers why he prefers to keep her at arm’s length when it comes to gossip. “That’s adorable.” 

 “No - it was dumb. Extremely dumb.” 

 “Well, I still think it’s adorable.” She turns on her heel to stop in front of one of the stores - a clothing store, of course, but it’s a men’s clothing store. “Here’s our first stop.” 

 “What?” Ren peers into the shop. It’s mostly men’s casualwear, with some formal stuff peppered in here and there. Pretty upscale, too - not the kind of shop Ren would usually even give a second glance. “Are you trying to tell me I have bad taste, or…?” Briefly, he thinks Ann might have a boyfriend she's shopping for or something, but now that he thinks about it - has he ever seen Ann dating anyone? She's pretty independent. 

 “Oh, no, I think you have great taste - for a guy, at least. But I think you deserve something nice.” She smiles proudly as she grabs his wrist, trying to urge him inside. 

 “Something nice? Why?” 

 “Well, if you and Ryuji ever go on a date-” 

 Okay, Ann definitely needs to slow her roll a bit. Ren holds up a hand. “Ann. For the millionth time, it’s not like that.” 

 “Ugh, but don’t you wish it was?” She rolls her eyes at him, and Ren clenches his jaw. Maybe… maybe the tiniest part of him wants to take Ryuji to a fancy restaurant, listen to nice music, maybe give him a… a flower or something, but that’s not the kind of relationship they have. For all Ren knows, that kind of fantasy is an impossibility. They might fuck, but - what’s between them is platonic. Nothing more.  

 “C’mon, Ren, just humor me.” Ann tugs at his arm, hard, and - yeah, nothing he can do now, apparently he's getting clothes for an imaginary date with his roommate as he finally gives in, letting her drag him inside. 

 After many, many changes of clothes, some he wondered why Ann picked out in the first place, she finally settles on purchasing Ren a new pair of dark jeans, a gray button-down, and a long, black trench coat. Thankfully it’s all stuff he’ll actually wear - in fact, the coat might come in handy soon as they are apparently in for a rather cold winter. Ren shivers at the thought - he hates the cold. 

 As they’re waiting in line, Ann nudges him insistently in the side. “So,” She starts, her voice a murmur just above the cheery music of the shop, “How’s filming? Is it fun?” 

 “About as much as you’d expect,” Ren replies vaguely. He wants to say yes, probably the most fun I’ve had in my life, but that feels a touch too enthusiastic. “I think Ryuji’s gotten over the weirdness of it, so that’s good.” 

 “That is good,” Ann nods slowly, and Ren narrows his eyes. Oh, he knows that tone. She’s plotting something. 

 “What is it, Ann?” 

“Huh?” She feigns surprise, blue eyes wide as she looks up at him. “What do you mean?” 

 “You’re planning something,” Ren rolls his eyes, nudging her in the calf with his shoe as the line moves forward. “And I want to know what it is so I can prepare. Mentally.” 

 Ann scoffs, waving a hand. She might be duplicitous as hell, but she’s a terrible liar. “What? No. I would never.” 

Ren drops it for now, as the cashier takes their items. His eyes bulge a little at the total, which Ann pays like it’s nothing - okay, these might just be his nicest clothes now - and she hands the bag to him with a sweet smile as they leave the shop. “Thank you,” He murmurs, even if he does feel a little guilty about accepting them. 

 “Of course! When was the last time you bought new clothes anyways?” 

 Ren has to think about that. He and Ryuji kind of just… share a wardrobe at this point, and Ryuji thrifts most of his own clothes. “I think… with my graduation gift money?” 

 Ann balks. “No way, seriously? Ren.” She pats his shoulder, shaking her head. “You’re telling me you haven’t bought anything new in that long? Like, three years?” 

 “Ryuji buys new stuff,” Ren mumbles defensively, “And I wear his old stuff.” 

 Ann snorts, shaking her head in disbelief as she leads them down a right turn and - yep, towards the sweets shop that she likes so much. Ren chuckles a little under his breath; Ann punches him in the back of the arm. 

 She gets her usual - a package of macarons - and Ren gets a black coffee. Not as good as Leblanc’s, but still passable - they sit down at a table near the front to enjoy their little snack, and Ann looks to be lost in thought as she watches the foot-traffic in the main thoroughfare pass by. 

 “You alright?” Ren asks, sipping at his drink. 

 “Mm, I’m fine. Just thinking,” She murmurs, then turns to him suddenly. “So, what happened with that girl you brought home?” 

 Ugh, she’s still on this? Ren sighs with exasperation. “I already told you. That wasn’t even the reason we fought.” 

 “Well, you told me what you were mad about,” Ann points out and Ren’s stomach sinks a little. “But you never told me what Ryuji was mad about. Takes two to fight.” 

 “I- I don’t know,” Ren sputters, hiding his face in his coffee. “Probably pissed I brought a girl home without telling him, I guess.” 

 Ann gasps, her lips turning up in a wide, open-mouthed smile. “Oh my god,” She says under her breath. “He was jealous!” 

 “What?” The thought hadn’t even occurred to him, but then he remembers just how Ryuji acted after the fact, when they were -

 He clears his throat, and Ann smirks as his face reddens. “He wasn’t jealous,” Ren retorts weakly. “It’s his place, too, and I didn’t tell him anything. Of course he was mad.” 

“Did you guys, y’know…” Ann holds up her hands and mimes intercourse. 

Ren shrinks a little into his seat. “Yeah, but that doesn’t-” 

“Oh my god, he was totally jealous.” Ann kicks her feet a little and Ren groans, slumping against the table. This kind of gossip is like catnip for Ann Takamaki, and she looks like a kid on Christmas right now. 

“Can we just drop it?” Ren mumbles into his cup. Ann’s gotten what she wanted - he really doesn’t want to think about the implications of Ryuji being jealous, of all things. 

Mine, his roommate’s voice echoes in his head and he shivers. 

“Okay, okay. Fine.” Ann laughs, popping a macaron into her mouth and looking very satisfied with herself. “But, I wanna know more about filming. What’s it like?” 

“What? Why?” 

“I dunno.” Ann shrugs. “It seems interesting, and I’ve been thinking about expanding my horizons lately.” 

Ren snorts. He can’t really imagine Ann doing what he and Ryuji do, but he’ll humor her. Was this her plan all along? Break him down by embarrassing him and then get him to spill about their side gig? He'd talk about it regardless, so her caginess is a little amusing. “What, you want to give it a shot?” 

“Maybe! I don’t know yet.” She’s remarkably cool about all of this - a far cry from how embarrassed she got talking about anything even close to sex back in high school. Being neck-deep in the modeling world has definitely changed her outlook. “Just tell me what it’s like.” 

Well, ask and she shall receive. Ren explains what their process is like, how they set up angles, what they decide to do based on the comments they get and the agency’s feedback. He tries to leave out any bits and pieces that might give Ann more proverbial ammo to use against him - his feelings, his worries, his apprehensions, the things him and Ryuji don’t talk about - but the grin slowly growing on her face tells him he’s probably let slip a bit too much. 

“Ren Amamiya,” Ann sighs when he finishes, patting his arm. “I hope one day you will come crawling back and I will be able to say ‘I told you so.’” 

“You told me what?” Ren figures it's best to just act like he doesn't know what she's talking about. 

“Oh, nothing. Don’t worry about it.” Ann’s really making him nervous as she munches on another macaron, crossing her legs. “Does Ryuji know that I know yet?” 

“No, I haven’t told him.” 

“You really should,” Ann gives him a look. “If he finds out on his own, he might be pretty mad.” 

Ren clenches his jaw. She’s probably right. “I… I will, eventually. You’re the one who came sticking your nose in it, though.” 

“How could I not?” Ann smiles in that way that gives Ren a sinking feeling in his stomach. “You’re both my friends, and I’ve gotta look out - and like I said, you better not hurt him.” 

“I know. I won't, I promise.” Ren sighs. Despite how annoying she can be about it, Ann does care about them. This… probing is just her way of showing it. Maybe it does set Ren on edge a little, but he can’t fault her, she’s always been this way and if it had really bothered him they never would have ended up being friends in the first place. 

He’s still stuck on Ryuji being jealous. There’s no way, right? He would have said something, would have done something. 

Well, he did, he did both of those things, but Ren refuses to believe that the two events are related in any way. 

“Anyways,” Ann stands up from the table, smoothing the wrinkles from her top. “Let’s head out. I wanted to check out this new jewelry store.” 

Eager for a distraction, Ren downs the rest of his coffee and slings his bag over his shoulder. “Sounds like a plan.” 

---

Work is so, so much easier now that Ryuji both knows the ropes and he’s not working hellish overtime. In fact, it’s actually becoming pretty comfortable - though, he understands just why Haru goes to the gym so much now. When you sample as many baked goods as she does, you’ve gotta be moving constantly to make up for it. 

 The bakery’s having an effect on him, too, and he can’t say he’s not happy about it. Moving heavy boxes in the morning is more of a workout for his upper body than anything he normally does at the gym, and he’s finally starting to see results. When he was still running, he was pretty thin and wiry - you have to be, it’s just part of the sport - but now that he doesn’t have to worry about that Ryuji is pretty pleased with how he’s bulking up. It’s a strange sort of giddiness when the sleeves of his t-shirts are a little too tight. 

 Ren’s out with Ann today, and he didn’t want to just hang out at home by himself all day, so he elected to stay after his normal time and run the counter a little, learn the ropes so that he can give his boss a well-deserved break. At present, she’s positively knocked out in one of the comfy chairs near the back of the seating area, a half-read book on botany resting on her chest. 

 She’s like a… fluffy little dog. He almost wants to pet her, but Ryuji’s pretty sure she’d bite his hand off. 

 “Oh!” Someone familiar exclaims as they pass through the door, the bell above it jingling cheerfully. “Hello, Ryuji.” 

 “Oh, shit- hey, Yusuke!” Wow, it’s been a while since he’s seen the guy, he’s been so busy with art exhibitions and his student teaching at the university that he hasn't really been around. Yusuke Kitagawa has not changed much in the last few years, save for the fact that he’s grown out his hair and now wears it in a laughably-traditional topknot. 

 “I didn’t know you worked here.” His eyes rest on him for maybe one moment too long before they slide over to Haru. “I was here to drop off some art for Haru, but it seems she’s indisposed.” 

 “Oh - that’s you she was talking about?” Haru is so bad at explaining things sometimes. All she’d told him was that ‘someone was coming to drop off some decor,’ not that it was Yusuke nor that it was paintings. “Here - I’ll lock up temporarily and give you a hand.” 

 Yusuke leads Ryuji out back to his car - the guy has a car now, which throws him for a loop considering how bad he was with money back in the day - and pops open the trunk. Several paintings of various plants are stacked neatly inside, all individually wrapped. “I painted these just as some studies for class,” He explains, “But Haru told me she really liked them, so I told her I’d bring them by so she can hang them here.” 

 With a grunt, Ryuji slides his hands underneath the stack. Oof, they’re heavy - heavier than he thought, anyways - but he’s just strong enough to lift them all out in one go. “Hey, get the door for me, would’ja?” He winces a little as his knee twinges sharply under the weight. Maybe he should go get it checked out…

 Yusuke pulls open the back door, and Ryuji hauls the paintings inside, crouching down to place the paintings gently against the wall in their dry storage room, dusting off his hands as he stands back up. “Easy peasy,” He says, mostly to himself. 

 “You’re quite strong now, Ryuji,” Yusuke remarks. “I assume you’ve been working out more to appeal to more viewers?” 

 Ryuji chokes, staggering a little. 

 Does Yusuke know? 

 “Um-” He can’t help how his voice wavers, nor how wide his eyes are. “What are you talking about?” 

 “You’ve been filming erotica, have you not?” Yusuke tilts his head, acting like this is common knowledge. 

 “Jesus, man, keep it down!” Ryuji hisses - he really, really hopes Haru is still asleep as he shuffles closer to Yusuke. “How the hell do you know that?” 

 “Oh, I’d recognize you and Ren’s figures any day. They were often the subject of my anatomy sketches back in the day.” 

 Oh, that’s right. Yusuke is effin’ weird. “You better not have told anyone,” Ryuji growls. 

 “What?” He puts a hand to his chest. “No, of course not. It’s a private matter, after all. Though, I will say that I believe erotica is a sacred and often-overlooked form of-” 

 Nope. Ryuji can’t deal with this right now. “Just-” He puts a hand to Yusuke’s mouth. “Stop talking. Please.” 

 When he removes his palm, Yusuke looks completely nonplussed - god he’s weird. “I apologize if I made you uncomfortable.” 

“It's fine, just-” Ryuji sighs, carding a hand through his hair. “It's supposed to be a secret, alright? Y'know, private stuff.” 

“Oh, I see.” Yusuke nods in understanding. “Well, my lips are zipped.” 

“Thanks, man,” Ryuji sighs, deflating a little. Hopefully, Haru didn't hear any of that - he's not sure how heavy of a sleeper she is. “I owe you one.”

“If you'd like to pay me back,” Oh, he wants to cash in on that favor right now. Okay. “We are looking for nude models for our anatomy course.” 

“Um-” Ryuji chokes a little. “No. Anything but that. Sorry.” 

“Oh? I thought you might be interested. It pays ten-thousand yen per session.”

…Okay, maybe he's interested now. “... I'll think about it.” 

“Excellent,” Yusuke claps his hands together before fishing around in his pocket and producing a small business card and presenting it to Ryuji. “Just call or text me and we can get you on the schedule.” 

“I already have your number, dude,” Ryuji mumbles, but he stuffs it in his pocket anyway. 

Yusuke leaves shortly after that, leaving Ryuji reeling a little and also wondering how the hell he's gonna bring this up to Ren because - well, they agreed that none of their friends should know about all this. Better to just… bite the bullet and tell him tonight. 

Haru, at least, is pleased with the paintings. 

---

Ren's already lounging on the futons when Ryuji gets home - he's got the heat on and his shirt off, splayed out on the pillows and watching something on his phone. His chest tightens a little at the sight because - yeah, this is exactly where he wants to be.

“Hey, man,” Ryuji calls out, hanging up his ratty old hoodie. Next to it is a rather fancy-looking trenchcoat, and he huhs to himself. Ann must have taken Ren shopping. He probably cuts a pretty nice figure in it.

“Hey. How was work?” Ren twists around to give him a friendly little wave. 

“It was alright,” Ryuji swallows. He's gotta tell Ren, but he's not really sure how. “Hey, um…” 

“What?” Ren raises a brow. When Ryuji fails to respond, he pulls himself up and closes the distance, immediately pressing himself up behind Ryuji and shoving a hand unceremoniously up under his shirt. 

“Dude,” Ryuji laughs, but he's enjoying the closeness anyways. He likes it when Ren is clingy like this, it means he's comfortable. “Look, um. Yusuke knows.” 

“Yusuke?” Ren's hand pauses in its roaming over his chest. “...That doesn't surprise me, honestly. You know he used to draw us all the time?” 

“Not until today,” Ryuji grumbles. Ren knew and never told him? God. He is frustratingly tight-lipped sometimes.

“Ann found out, too.” 

“What?” Ryuji balks a little. Ann knows? Oh, god. No wonder she's been all cagey when he's texted her lately. “When did she find out?” 

“...A while ago. Like, after the first video.” 

“You're kidding me.”

Ryuji feels Ren shake his head, pressed up against his shoulder. 

“Why didn't you tell me?” 

Ren shrugs. “Didn't seem important. She promised to not tell.” 

Ryuji exhales slowly. He promised himself he wouldn't get unnecessarily mad at Ren anymore, but he is a little ticked off that he didn't say anything about Ann. “You gotta tell me this kinda shit, dude.” 

“Sorry,” Ren mumbles. “I was worried it would freak you out.” 

Okay, maybe that's a little fair. Back then, he was still a little weirded out by this whole arrangement. Now, well... it's still weird, but it feels more normal these days. "Not any more than Yusuke dropping that on me did today, I guess,” He thinks aloud. “He came by to drop off some paintings for Haru and just… offhandedly mentioned it like it was nothing.” 

Ryuji feels Ren’s shoulders shake in a little laugh. “Oh, that's kind of funny, honestly.” 

“Dude hasn't changed a bit.” 

“Isn't that the truth.” Ren pauses, but then his other hand worms its way under Ryuji's shirt. “Now that that's out of the way…” 

Ryuji laughs as his fingers graze over his sides. “You wanna film, or somethin’?” 

“If you want to, I'm down.” 

Ryuji's stomach does a little backflip as he smiles. Ren Time is, undoubtedly, his favorite time of the day. “Sure.” 

Chapter Text

Ryuji doesn't work late nights at the bakery often, but he enjoys them nearly as much as he enjoys evenings with Ren. 

It's quiet, peaceful. Kichijoji bustles around him outside, the bars full of patrons and the walkways alive with nightlife, but the bakery is quiet and dim. It's just him, the shipment, and the light from the ovens, bread for the next day baking slowly inside. It's comfortable - there are few times in Ryuji Sakamoto’s life where he feels like he has a purpose, but working alone at the bakery sure makes him feel useful. Haru gets some well-deserved rest (woman works way too hard for her own good), Ren maybe gets a little peace from their constant antics. 

Hell, he's still sore from their last little tryst. They'd ended up with Ryuji against the wall and Ren on his knees, sucking him off (probably the best view he's ever had, honestly) and he'd sucked so many hickeys into Ryuji's thighs that he's been walking funny all day. Not to mention he came so hard he nearly keeled over. Ryuji rubs at his inner thigh, enjoying the pleasant discomfort as he steps outside to grab the next box. 

“Ugh,” He runs a hand through his sweat-dampened hair. It's the flour box, his arch nemesis. How can something so light and fluffy be so goddamn heavy? 

With a grunt, Ryuji bends down into a squat, once again ignoring the insistent twinge of his knee. The damned weather always makes it flare up, and tonight's no different - the cool breeze prickles at his skin as he wraps his arm around the box, preparing himself. 

“Okay, Ryuji,” He coaches himself. “Lift with your legs, not with your back-” With a grunt, he plants his feet and lifts the box, balancing it against his chest and - 

The world moves in slow-motion as Ryuji realizes that perhaps he should not have been ignoring that twinge after all. 

Pain explodes in his leg, he feels it from the tips of his toes all the way up to where his thigh meets his hip - something makes a sickening pop as he falls backwards. “ Fuck! Shit shit shit-” The box falls hard on his chest and promptly knocks the wind out of him - Ryuji gasps, panicking, mustering all the strength in his upper body to push the box off of him because otherwise he's going to suffocate- 

And then, he just lays there, staring perplexed up at the stars.

Kichijoji keeps moving in the distance. No one knows he's here. His leg aches, deep into the marrow of his bones, and Ryuji realizes that something is very, very wrong. 

“Phone,” He gasps, checking his pockets. Even just touching his injured leg is like torture, but he manages to wrest it from his pocket, lifting it to his face - his vision is blurry, but he's pretty sure the screen is cracked -  and he frantically dials the most recent number because he has this instinctual, sinking feeling that he's running out of time. 

“Ryuji?” Haru yawns through the receiver. 

He laughs a little with incredulous relief. Never has her voice sounded so goddamn sweet. “Haru,” He breathes, squeezing his eyes shut as a wave of agony wracks his body. “I fucked up,” He swallows thickly, and because he doesn't want him to worry; “Don't tell Ren.” 

“ What? ” Haru’s shrill tone is so far away now. He feels like he is floating away, so far away… 

“Ryuji! Are you okay?!” 

He can't seem to move his body, will his vocal cords to work. He can't move, he's trapped. 

“Ryuji!” Far away, he hears shuffling, the jingling of keys. “I'm coming over there - oh, god, please be okay…” 

Then, the world fades into static, spinning around him like an endless whirlpool as his mind loses its grip on conscious thought. 

---

Ryuji's not home yet. 

Ren sits up in bed, finding himself disturbingly cold and alone . 

He was supposed to come home late last night, right? Ren normally tries to stay up for him, he must have passed out waiting for him to arrive - but, he's still not here. 

“Did he have an early shift today, too?” He murmurs to the empty apartment. Blearily, Ren snatches his phone off the charger, accidently ripping the prongs out of the wall - oops. It's early, still - four o’clock - but Ryuji surely should have been home by now unless he somehow missed four trains in a row. Then, he checks his messages, feeling around for his glasses so he can better see the text on the screen. 

Five missed calls from Haru Okumura.  

Ren sits up immediately, eyes wide. Why is Haru calling him? His mind instantly flies to every worst-case scenario he can think of. Was he mugged on the train home? Is he missing? Is he okay? Where the hell is he?  

He shucks the blanket off of himself because he's already breaking out into a cold sweat. His skin feels itchy, his throat is tight, he feels like his chest is going to explode. 

“Calm down,” He urges himself. 

Surely, it's nothing serious. Maybe he just passed out at the shop or something - Ren wouldn't be surprised, frankly. Maybe he stayed at Haru's place and she was just calling to let him know. 

But why didn't she just text? 

Haru never calls. 

There's a knock at his door, and Ren Amamiya damn-near jumps out of his skin. 

It's almost a frantic sound, that hurried rap against the wood, and Ren scrambles for the door. He doesn't care if he's still in his boxers, doesn't care that he's covered in hickeys, and he couldn't give half a fuck about the state of the apartment as he flicks the lock and pulls the door open with force. 

“Ryuji!” He exclaims - but, no. 

Just Haru Okumura, still wearing her pajamas, pink and adorned with little sleeping alpacas. She has a large, puffy coat thrown haphazardly on over it, and there are deep bags under her toffee-hued eyes. 

“Oh, thank goodness,” Haru sighs, bowing slightly in greeting. Her hair is frizzy, haloing her face like a big, strawberry-blonde cloud. “Sorry if I woke you.” 

Ren swallows, eyes darting to and fro. She's staring at the marks on his neck and chest and in the back of his mind he wonders if the connection is made for her, but he has much more important things on his plate like now, like- 

“Ryuji - where is he? ”

“At - at the hospital,” Haru looks guilty , casting her eyes to the floor. “He told me not to tell you, but-” 

Ren is not a fearful person. He has anxieties, sure, but he fears little. He is the one who squashes the spiders, he is the one who covers Ryuji's eyes during especially gory scenes in horror films. However, right now, a deep-seated terror grips his heart in a vice so tight it can't help but escape as anger and pain.  

“ What did you do to him? ” 

Without realizing it, he's leaning through the doorframe, looming over Haru, his face contorted into an ugly snarl. 

Maybe any other woman would shrink at his threat - back away, try to calm him down, try to explain this waking nightmare in a way that makes sense to his still sleep-addled brain.

However, Haru Okumura is no ordinary woman, because she instead raises her hand with a painfully apologetic look and slaps him hard across the face. 

“Amamiya Ren, listen to me. ” 

Ren brings a hand to the stricken side of his face, opening and closing his mouth as his jaw settles back into its natural position. His ear rings, his vision doubles briefly as he comes to his senses. 

“Ryuji was injured at work. Yes, I know,” She sighs, fiddling her hands close to her chest. “His knee gave out. He's in the hospital now - I drove here to tell you, I didn't want you to worry.” 

Her eyes train once again on a particularly dark hickey marring Ren’s neck; instinctively, Ren smacks a hand over it. 

His fucking knee. Dammit. Ren told him he needed to get it looked at - 

“Is there… is there someone else inside?” Haru asks, leaning around him to see, probably trying to connect the dots with the marks but Ren doesn't make that realization until much later. 

“What? No. Come - come in, warm up. I'm going to get dressed.” 

“Oh,” Haru’s eyes widen as she steps over the threshold, shutting the door softly behind her. Ren is already digging through the closet, grabbing the first T-shirt he sees (of course it's Ryuji’s old yellow one from high school, all stretched and faded and worn) as well as a pair of sweats, tugging them on with little care save for making sure they’re not on backwards.

“Are you…” Haru blinks a few times as she watches him, clutching her phone and keys to her chest. When Ren turns around, eyes wild, she shakes her head, looking away. “...Nevermind. Sorry. Are you ready?” 

Hopping around as he tugs his trainers on - fuck socks, he doesn't have time - Ren nods quickly, snatching his own phone from the floor and his keys from their hook. 

Haru is parked outside - for as wealthy as her family is, she's chosen instead to drive a more economic little pickup truck, repainted a pearly pink and standing out starkly against the gray of the rest of the street, dimly illuminated by old halogen lamps. Ren can just barely see his breath as they hurry outside, gooseflesh pimping his arms. He forgot a coat and it's damningly cold. 

“Here,” Haru slides in on the driver's side, passing over a blanket sitting on the bench seat. It looks like she's been driving around with it wrapped around her, like she hopped out of bed right away to help, and Ren’s heart aches a little with how much his friends care . 

“Thank you,” Ren says, unfolding it and curling it gratefully over his shoulders. It smells like herbal tea and Haru’s woody perfume. “And-” He adds, rubbing his slightly-swollen cheek, “I'm sorry, for yelling.” 

“No, no - I'm sorry.” Haru presses down the clutch, turning to look as she backs out onto the main street. “I didn't know how else to calm you down.” 

“Well,” A laugh tumbles out of him, he's not sure why, but it does ease the vice on his heart the tiniest fraction. “It worked.” 

On the dash, he spies a pack of cigarettes. “You smoke?” 

“Oh, no,” Haru laughs. “Those are my mechanic’s. I usually do my own maintenance, but…” She worries at her lower lip. “Just roll the window down, there's a lighter in the glovebox.” 

The nicotine sharpens his senses, the tar soothes his soul as Haru accelerates, hand on the shifter as she changes gears. He's calmer now, if only marginally. 

“Can you - can you tell me what happened?” 

Haru nods, eyes affixed firmly on the dark road ahead of them. “Ryuji called me at about one-thirty. He said he -” She puts a hand against her mouth, her soft voice a little muffled by the fabric of her sleeve. “He said he messed up, and not to tell you, then he wouldn't answer me… I left right away and headed to the bakery.” 

“Oh my god,” Ren says under his breath. “Was he okay?” 

“Let me finish,” Haru says sternly as they roll to a stop at the upcoming traffic light. Dammit, red lights at four in the morning?!

“He was passed out in the back loading area. There was a box of flour a few feet away - they're really heavy, I think he was trying to lift it.”

The image of Ryuji, crumpled onto the pavement, draws itself starkly in his mind and he has to bite back the urge to vomit. “Did you take him to the hospital?” 

“I didn't want to move him,” Haru continues. “So I called the emergency line. They came and picked him up, and I followed them to the hospital.” 

Haru pulls off the main road - an on-ramp onto the highway, and Ren’s throat tightens. “Which hospital did they take him to?” 

“The - the national hospital, out past Meguro.” 

Oh no. That's not a normal hospital, they do surgeries there, big ones - “Did you see him wake up?” 

Haru shakes her head sadly. “No, they wouldn't let me in because I'm not related to him. Do you have his mother’s contact information?” 

Ren bites the inside of his cheek. “His mom's out of town right now. She's in the countryside, with her parents.” 

“Oh, no…” Haru drums her fingers on the steering wheel. “Let me - let me call them, I'll see if I can get any information.” 

Ren sucks down another cigarette as Haru makes the call. 

“Yes, yes, hello. Sorry to bother, I'm calling about a patient.” 

“Yes - Sakamoto Ryuji.” 

“No, I'm not-” Haru huffs with frustration. Ren grips his thigh hard enough to leave bruises. “I am his employer and I have the right to know what care he is receiving!” 

“Yes, I will be submitting a worker's compensation form, under Okumura Foods. ” 

It's rare that Haru uses her name for things like this. Ren's chest aches because he knows how much she hates it - but Haru just reaches over to squeeze his knee reassuringly and Ren tries to relax, staring out the window at the passing lights, the unmoving stars. 

“His only relative is out of town at the moment, yes, that's correct.” 

“He was lucid? Oh, good, good…” The was in that sentence has Ren holding his breath, but Haru sounds hopeful and it's enough for him to forcefully exhale, despite it feeling like knives in his throat. “Okay. That's good. Thank you.” 

Haru hangs up the phone with a sigh - she's straight-faced for a few seconds, but then she reaches over and plucks the still-burning cigarette out of Ren’s hand, taking a long, slow drag before placing it right back between his fingers. 

“Ryuji's in surgery,” She says softly. 

“ Christ,” Ren doubles over himself and he just breaks.  

“Oh, Ren…” He vaguely realizes the car is slowing down, hears the click-click of the hazards. Then, her hand is gently layering over his back and he just… he can't. 

Ren Amamiya doesn't cry. He didn't cry when he found out his mother died when he could hardly walk, he didn't cry when he was unfairly handed a criminal record and torn away from everything he knew and everyone he loved. But Ren does cry about this; tears of panicked, frantic fear because his best friend is under the knife and he knows nothing, can do nothing, is helpless to change the outcome. His heart feels like it’s being torn apart by the very molecules.  

“Hey, hey…” Haru shushes him softly, as he hiccups and sobs. Her hand shakes a little - she has never seen him cry, no one has. It's strange that she is the first to see it, the first one to see him like this, without a mask - 

No, that's wrong. There is no mask when he's around Ryuji Sakamoto. His layers upon layers of emotional armor all peel away around him, melted by the timbre of his voice and the earthy smell of his skin. Maybe that's why this hurts so goddamned much. 

He finally, finally stops after a short while, the sounds and aborted breaths and coughs petering into a prickling silence. Haru hands him a tissue, and he blows hard enough into it that he comes away feeling dizzy. It feels so freeing to cry, so much better, like the weight of his twenty-two short, difficult years of life was all lifted out of him with those tears. 

“Are you okay?” Haru asks, her voice soft and sweet. 

“...You're a good friend, Haru,” Ren mumbles because it's the first thing that comes to his mind. 

“...I've never seen you cry before.” 

“ I've never seen me cry before.” He laughs bitterly, wiping uselessly at his swollen eyes. The sobs are over, but the tears still come. It's so strange. 

“...Oh,” Haru smooths a hand over his hair, and he inhales sharply, trying to compose himself. 

“I'm- I'm sorry,” Ren says, sitting up. They're stopped on the side of the highway, hazard lights blinking softly in the darkness. 

“Oh, no, Ren, please don't be sorry.” She pats his shoulder. “I know how you feel.” 

Haru swallows, looking back out to the road. “When my father passed away, I cried and cried and cried… but I couldn't ever do it around anyone. I thought it would make me look weak.” 

Ren watches her carefully, still wiping his eyes. Haru's father died a few years ago, shortly before she graduated. It was a terrible way to die - stabbed by a protester on live television - and he remembers just how… empty Haru was back then, her gaze like a void, her words empty and hollow. Her father wasn't a perfect man, maybe not even a good man, but Haru still loved him all the same. “I know it's not the same… We don’t know what’s happening right now, but-” Ren realizes, starkly, that there are tears pricking the corners of her eyes. “But I just want you to know that dealing with all of those emotions swirling inside you makes you strong. ” 

…Oh. 

Ren nods slowly. Twenty-two years of life, and he hasn't come to terms with such a simple truth.

“I… thank you,” He says, if only because there's nothing else he can say. 

“No need to thank me,” Haru smiles, her voice wavering only slightly as she wipes her own eyes on her sleeve. “Can I ask you a question?” 

Ren nods. 

“Those… marks. Are they from…?” 

His heart skips a beat, and he fuzzily remembers her eyes on him back at the apartment. “...Yeah,” He admits. 

A little laugh bubbles out of Haru - a clear, crisp sound that cuts through the swamp of his emotional exhaustion. She almost sounds… happy. Relieved, even. “Oh, okay. I, um - I won't ask any more questions, but -” She smiles, staring down at her steering wheel, and when she next speaks her voice is hardly above a whisper. “ Oh, I want to, though. ” 

Ren waves a hand. She's been through enough because of them. She deserves it. “Ask away,” He says tiredly. 

“Oh, okay, um - when did this all start?” 

“When Ryuji lost his job,” Ren explains carefully, “We were short on rent and our savings dried up. I brought up doing, um…” He clears his throat. “ Erotica as a side-gig, and we kind of never stopped.” 

“ Oh ,” Haru giggles a little under her breath. “That's - that's funny. I can't believe he agreed to do it.” 

“Me neither.” Ren laughs, running a hand through his hair. 

“So, are you…” Haru waves a hand. “An item?” 

Ren stiffens, curling his fingers into the fabric of his sweatpants. “...No. Maybe? I don't know. We don't really talk about it.” 

“I see.” Haru looks out the window, out at the dark horizon. “You love him, though.” 

“What? I-” Ren swallows. “I care about him, as a friend. I don't -” 

“Ren… come on.” 

“I'm - I'm done talking about this. Can we go?” 

Haru sighs. Ren looks away. Please don't press, please don't force this, please don't make me hurt any more than I already am.  

“Sorry,” She says carefully. “It wasn't my place to make assumptions. You need to take this at your own pace.” 

“Yeah,” Ren chokes out as she starts the car again and pulls back out onto the highway, the lights passing by faster and faster, fleeting little moments of recognition that he feels like he’ll never get back. 

Chapter Text

The hospital is quiet and unassuming as they pull up to the visitor lot. In the short ride there, Haru explained a little more to Ren about what was going on - Ryuji was given emergency care, and they determined that he had dislocated his knee. Thankfully, it wasn't as bad as it could have been (Ren is absolutely going to throttle him for not seeing a doctor sooner) but he needed to go into surgery right away to correct the damage done.

“...Or else, he could have lost his leg, or worse.” 

“Lost his leg? ” Ren chokes. He doesn’t even want to think about the ‘or worse.’ “Oh my god, I'm gonna kill him.” 

“Ryuji’s bad at accepting help from people,” Haru squeezes his shoulder. “You, of all people, should know that.” 

“...Yeah. I know. I just -” He sighs, running a hand over his face. His hands are shaking - his whole body is shaking, he’s so cold and he feels so alone. “He’s in surgery right now? ” 

“Mm-hmm. He should be done in a couple hours, maybe longer. They said they weren’t sure how long it’s going to take.” 

“...Okay.” Ren nods, resolute. “I’ll stay, then. You should go home and rest.” 

Haru shakes her head, smiling. “Not a chance. This is my fault. I should have had a dolly there for him, I just never really thought about it, which I see now was a huge mistake.” 

She’s a little choked up now, tucking her hair carefully out of her face. “I feel like if I ignore this, I’ll just be repeating the sins of my father. Do you understand what I mean?” 

Ren does. “...Okay. We’ll stay together, then.” 

Haru pats him on the thigh, staring through her windshield up at the dim lights of the hospital. “...Does anyone else know about you two?” 

“Ann does,” Ren replies. “And- Yusuke, apparently.” 

Haru snorts a little. “How did he find out?” 

Ren shrugs. “Dunno.” 

“Well…” She hides her little smile behind her sleeve. “Is there anyone else you want here with you?” 

Ren thinks about it. “...Ann, maybe. She knows about as much as you do. Yusuke, I don’t think he really…” 

Haru nods. “Okay. She’s probably not awake yet, but I’ll call her. She’ll know to get back to me if I do.” 

“What about the rest?” Surely Makoto, Futaba, Sojiro would want to know what’s going on. And - hell, his mother.  

“They can wait,” Haru smiles. “Ryuji doesn’t need a bunch of people crowding him right after a surgery. I think you, me, and Ann is plenty. Though…” She furrows her brow. “Do you have his mother’s phone number?” 

“...Yeah. I should - I should call her.” 

“You really should. Do you want to walk while you call her? I find that moving makes difficult conversations a little easier.” 

Ren decides to take her advice - he probably looks so silly, all wrapped up in a blanket as he dials Ms. Sakamoto’s number with half-frozen fingers as Haru follows him, close enough to be a comfort but far enough away as to not eavesdrop. The phone rings - once, twice, then there’s a low crackle as the line picks up. 

“...Amamiya?” Ryuji’s mother sounds tired, like he just woke her, and Ren’s heart positively aches. “What are you doing, calling me so early in the morning?” 

“Morning, Ms. Sakamoto,” Ren chokes out, forcing himself to keep his voice level. “Um - I wanted - needed to call you. It’s about Ryuji.” 

First, Ms. Sakamoto is angry, but then she is afraid, then she is finally relieved as Ren explains the situation to her, trying to give enough details that matter but leave out what could just worry her more. He’s met Ryuji’s mom a handful of times - she helped them move in, helped Ren fight to stay in Tokyo once his probation was up - and she’s always struck him as a good woman, a good parent. “Oh, Ryuji,” She sighs into the receiver. “So, he’s okay? You’re sure?” 

“He’s stable, as far as I know. We’re going to stay at the hospital so we can be there when he wakes up.” 

“Oh, thank you, Ren. I couldn’t ask for a better friend for my son.” 

Ren smiles wanly. “It’s nothing, miss Sakamoto. I’m just glad it wasn’t any worse.” 

“My Ryuji, always getting into trouble…” She sighs. “I don’t know how he ended up this way.” 

“It’s not trouble,” Ren can’t help but defend him. “He’s been a great roommate, and a better friend. I’ll always be there if he needs help.” 

“Me, too!” Haru, evidently, was still eavesdropping, maybe just a little as she leans over to talk against Ren’s ear. 

“Oh, is that you, Haru?” Ryuji’s mother sounds a little breathless over the phone. “Thank you, for helping my boy. I don’t know if I can make it back to Tokyo anytime soon, my parents are elderly and they need me here, but-” She swallows, the emotion in her voice like another wound in Ren’s heart, “Please make sure he calls me as soon as he wakes up, okay?” 

“Yes, ma’am.” 

Ren pulls away the phone after they say their goodbyes, and he sighs shakily, running a hand over his face. That was probably the most stressful thing he’s done in a while, but he’s secretly a little glad she’s not coming back anytime soon. How would he face her? Hello, ma’am, Ryuji is my best friend and also we are performing intercourse for money on the internet. Aren’t you just so proud of him?  

He laughs bitterly at his own humor, and Haru reaches to pull the phone from his hand - she tucks it into the pocket of his pants before threading her fingers into his. “She’s such a nice lady,” Haru smiles, and Ren nods in agreement as they approach the hospital doors. 

---

Everything smells like antiseptic and formaldehyde, even in the waiting room - unattractively lit with flickering incandescents and fitted with rather inhospitable, uncomfortable chairs. Him and Haru decide to forgo the chairs entirely - instead, they make a little encampment on the floor. Haru, bless her soul, was able to pilfer a few blankets and pillows from the nursing staff and now they both sit quietly against each other, holding styrofoam cups of watered-down coffee and reminiscing about high school to pass the time. 

“You and him were thick as thieves, even back then,” Haru tells him. 

“Yeah,” Ren laughs. “We got into all sorts of trouble together.” 

“We all did.” Haru giggles. “We were all outcasts, in some way. We’re all so different, but that brought us together, I think.” 

Ren smiles into his coffee. It tastes bad, really bad, but somehow it’s just perfect. 

He really loves his friends. 

Ann joins them a few hours later - she flies into the waiting room like a bat out of hell, wearing only her sleep shorts, a t-shirt, and her little cat slippers. They explain what happened, Ann gives Ren a hug that nearly squeezes the life out of him, and then she, too, plops herself down to dutifully wait. Ren texts Sojiro, tells him he’s sorry but he won’t be in today, he had an emergency - Sojiro, seemingly all-knowing sometimes, just texts him back a little thumbs-up and tells him he’ll leave some extra curry in the fridge for him.

The three of them order breakfast from the hospital’s cafeteria. It’s bland as hell and it tastes like cardboard but somehow it is the sweetest, best part of Ren’s day so far. 

“This reminds me of when we did that sit-in,” Ann says, rocking back on her heels and tweaking the ears of her slippers. “To protest Kamoshida.” 

Ren smiles. “I can’t believe you didn’t pee for eight hours.” 

“Oh my god, I thought I was gonna die!” She laughs. “It was worth it, though. And so is this.” 

“Please, Ann, understand that you can go to the bathroom whenever you want,” Haru urges. 

Oh… Ren has missed this. If only Ryuji were here, but instead they are all here for Ryuji.  

He prays to the powers that be that this is all going to turn out okay. 

---

Ryuji floats back to consciousness with a strange numbness about his person and a slow, steady beeping near his ear. 

Where the hell am I…? 

The memories come back to him faster than his control of his faculties. He was working, trying to lift that box, then - bam, he was in the most pain he’s ever been in in his life and then he was calling Haru and then he was passing out and then - 

Then, he woke up with a bunch of strange doctors worrying over him, asking him about things like insurance and surgery . 

Ryuji’s remembering now. He- he dislocated his knee. He didn’t know that could be so serious. Apparently, he needed surgery to fix it or else he could lose his leg. He remembers just how terrifying that was to here, he can’t lose his leg, that would be the end of everything, but - 

But the estimate made his eyes bulge, and he had to make the choice between freedom of person and freedom of finance. 

He decided to have the surgery. 

The doctors come into the room once they realize he is awake. His knee is elevated, bruised black and swollen with ugly lines of stitches puckering his skin. It doesn’t hurt, for some reason, he can hardly even feel it when he pinches the skin of his thigh. The doctors tell him they’re glad they were able to do the surgery, that the dislocation was pinching a major artery and without intervention, the damage could have been catastrophic.

It occurs to him that he almost died.  

He wishes he could curl around himself, just forget this happened because he’s scared and dreading the bills that are steadily going to start coming his way as soon as he’s back on his feet, terrified that this could happen again and maybe this time it will take him. 

He wishes Ren was here. 

Some time later - it seems to move differently in the fog of morphine and regret - the pain starts to ebb back into his knee, a dull ache that slowly increases in intensity until it’s hard not to writhe on the bed. The doctors give him more medicine, and when he hears them chatting amongst themselves they declare him ‘stable’ and wheel him out into the hallway, into a different room. A homier room, with chairs and a little fridge and boring little photos on the walls, but it still smells like rubbing alcohol and death. 

Ryuji decides that he hates hospitals. 

“Mister Sakamoto?” A nurse enters the room, clutching a clipboard to her chest. Normally, he’d maybe internally make a joke, ‘Hello, nurse,’ but he’s much, much too exhausted to care right now. He’s not sure if he’s ever been this tired, actually. It’s like a weariness in the fiber of his being, in every atom of every cell in his entire body. 

“You have some visitors. Do you permit them to come and see you?” 

Ryuji perks up a little. “Visitors? Who - what do they look like?” 

“Um… two blonde girls, and a dark-haired man with glasses.” 

The weariness washes away like the falling tide. “Oh, shit- shoot, sorry - yeah, let them up. Please.” 

Laughing a little at his attempt not to swear, the nurse nods quickly and hurries out of the room. 

Moments later, Ryuji thinks he hears a stampede down the hall. It starts as a dull rumble, then gets louder… and louder… and louder…  

Then, three of his best friends sprint into his hospital room, all frazzled with bags under their eyes and still in their pajamas - how long have they been here?

“Ryujiiiiii!” Ann’s openly weeping as she nearly crashes into the hospital bed, throwing her arms over it and taking his hand. “You dumbass, I thought you were gonna die…” 

Ryuji laughs weakly. “Hey, Ann. Don’t worry, I’m okay.” His voice is so hoarse - well, he had a tube down his windpipe, apparently, so that he’d breathe when he was sedated - so the sore throat tracks. His whole body feels like it’s been taken apart piece by piece, each individually hit by a bus, then put back together again. 

“I’m glad your surgery went well, Ryuji,” Haru smiles, sniffling a little and wiping her eyes. “I’m - oh, Ryuji, I’m so sorry. I promise I’ll make sure things are safer from now on. I’m already cutting a check for you.” 

“Hey, hey-” Oh, no, he can’t take Haru crying. She’s too damned sweet for this world. “It’s okay. I promise. This is my fault, I should have been more careful. Please don’t cut that check, It’s fine-” 

“We can talk about it later,” Haru says hurriedly, and she steps aside to allow his third visitor into the room. 

Behind them both stands the one person in this world he really wants to see, and the look in his eyes has Ryuji unsure if he remembers how to breathe. 

Haru clears her throat. 

“Um,” Ann shifts from one foot to the other. “I gotta pee.” 

“Oh, I’ll go with you,” Haru nods, and they shuffle out, leaving them… 

Alone. 

Ren is just staring at him. His glasses are smudged and crooked; he has deep, dark bags under his eyes. He’s wearing Ryuji’s old t-shirt, the sleeves ill-fitting and warped with age. A knit blanket is draped awkwardly over his shoulders, hugged to his chest like a lifeline. 

“Hey,” Ryuji says, and he wants to smile but he can’t, because the way he’s looking at him is just… it’s too much. Normally, he has a general idea of what Ren Amamiya is thinking about behind that mask of his, but now? 

He hasn’t a damn clue. 

So when Ren takes two steps forward and collapses against the bed, Ryuji’s stomach lurches with guilt and grief and fear . 

Then, he starts to cry.  

Ryuji’s never seen Ren cry before. 

No - Ren doesn’t cry. He doesn’t. But, impossibly, he is now - sobbing against the bed, and Ryuji feels panic rising in his chest, gripping his heart. “Ren,” He starts, but then he just sobs louder.  

“I’m okay,” He soothes. He reaches out his hand - but retracts it. Then, he reaches out again and finally settles it in Ren’s hair. “Really.” 

Ren coughs, sniffles, wipes his nose with the back of his wrist. “You scared me,” He says finally, and Ryuji feels like the scum of the earth, the gum on the shoe of the entire goddamn universe.

“ Shit, ” Ryuji curses. “Ren - I’m so sorry. ” 

“Fuck you,” He mumbles, reaching up to remove the hand from his hair - Ryuji thinks he’s going to smack it away, but instead Ren just takes it in both of his own, rubbing his thumbs in little circles against Ryuji’s palm. “I’m really happy you’re okay.” 

Ryuji could drown in his own guilt right about now. How’s he going to tell Ren about how he paid for this? He has insurance, but the bill was still… astronomical, compared to his salary. No way in hell was he asking Haru for help, she needs that money to run the bakery, and Mom’s busy with his grandparents. 

He decides he just won’t. Not now. 

“I’m happy you’re here,” Ryuji breathes. “I effin’ hate hospitals, man. They scare the piss outta me.” 

Ren laughs bitterly between little hiccups and sobs. “Me, too.” 

“...They said I gotta stay for at least a week.” Ryuji makes a face. “And, I gotta wear a knee brace. For a long time. Rest of my life, maybe.” 

“Serves you right,” Ren sniffs, but then he backtracks. “I’m sorry, ‘Yuji.” 

“Don’t sweat it.” 

Ren’s pressing his mouth to Ryuji’s knuckles. His hands are shaking - he’s cold, his fingers like ice. “How long have you been here?” 

“Since- since four, I think.” 

Ryuji squints at the clock. It’s noon now. “Dude, you need to sleep. And shower. You probably stink.” 

“Don’t care.”

Exasperated, Ryuji throws up his free hand, staring up at the ceiling. “At least pull up a chair or something.” 

Ren leaves his side, and Ryuji watches as Ren loudly scoots one of the chairs in the corner over to his bedside. He then all-but collapses into it, upper half falling onto the hospital bed once again, and then -

And then, he’s out like a light, snoring softly into the crisp white sheets. 

Oh, Ren… 

Ann and Haru return a little while later. Ann has flowers, Haru has a warm bowl of instant ramen. Both are gratefully accepted as they tiptoe around Ren’s sleeping form. 

“Oh, um-” Haru’s sitting neatly in the remaining chair, Ann below her on the floor as she braids her hair. “I, um - I found out about your little side gig.” 

Well, that’s the cherry on top of an already shitty day. “Oh. That’s nice.” 

“Don’t worry!” Haru says quickly, putting her hands up. “It doesn’t bother me at all. Just - be careful, okay? Ren’s - well, he’s not having a good time right now.” Haru glances down at his sleeping form; Ann hums in agreement. 

“No shit,” Ren’s gripping his hand like a vice. Every time Ryuji looks at him he thinks he’s going to be sick.

“He really cares about you,” Haru murmurs. 

“I… I know.” Ryuji’s getting a little choked up himself. They all care about him so much. Much, much more than he deserves. They stayed here and waited for hours, because of one stupid mistake - they’ve cried over him, given him flowers. It’s all just too much.

Looking down at Ren again, he - he wants him to stay, but also he needs to take care of himself. He’s terrible at doing it on his own. If any of them dedicates themselves wholly to their friends, it’s him, a man with no concept of self-preservation nor the ability to see how that actually affects him. “Can you guys make sure he gets home safe, and cleaned up?” 

“Don’t worry, we know the drill,” Ann rolls her eyes, but her tone is deeply affectionate. “We’ve scraped his ass off the floor a million times before. One more time is no big deal.” 

“Thanks,” Oh, he can’t hold it in anymore. The tears come, hot down his cheeks as he chokes out a sob. “I love you guys…” 

“Oh, Ryuji,” Haru smiles sadly. “We love you, too.” 

Both the girls come and give him little half-hugs, half over the bed and careful to avoid Ren, and for a moment Ryuji feels like the most complete man in the world. 

“Ryuji,” Ann says once they pull away. “Have you called your mom?” 

“ Shit. ” 

Chapter Text

When Ren returns to consciousness, it’s on the bench seat of Haru’s car. 

“Morning, sunshine.” 

He creaks open his eyes to find Ann staring down at him. His head’s in her lap, and her slim fingers are playing gently with his hair. “Ann…?” He stretches a little, and finds his feet - now missing shoes - are pushing up against Haru’s thigh. There’s a gentle rumble below him, around him - they’re moving.

“Where am I?” He croaks. Last he remembers, he was slouched over at Ryuji’s bedside. “Wh - is Ryuji okay?” 

“Ryuji’s fine, dummy,” Ann sweeps his hair out of his face. “Visiting hours ended, so we had to leave. We’re taking you home.” 

“...Oh.” That apartment feels so empty, so lonely, without him. He doesn’t like that feeling. “...I don’t want to be alone right now,” Ren murmurs, much too exhausted to be dishonest about it.

“Don’t worry about that,” Haru tells him. “We know how you get sometimes.” 

“What, how he’s incapable of taking care of himself when one of his friends is in trouble?” Ann laughs, then looks back down at him with a soft smile. “Don’t worry, we’re gonna stay with you for a little while.” 

Ren groans. A nice sentiment, but life still has to… go on. “Gotta go to work tomorrow,” He mumbles. 

“We already talked to Boss. You’re taking a few days off.” 

“What? But I-” He closes his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Rent’s due soon. I gotta go.” 

“Ren, please don’t worry about money right now,” Haru pleads. “This is at least partly my fault. I’ll cover your rent, or whatever you need, okay?” 

Unlike Ryuji, Ren is not above accepting money from his friends, so he nods slowly even if there is a small twinge of guilt in his stomach. “You don’t have to, but thanks.”

The drive continues in comfortable silence. Ren wants a cigarette - he tries to reach up to grab one, but Ann slaps his hand away, leaving him grumpy and grumbling to himself as she combs through his hair with her fingers. He wants to be back in that dingy hospital room, holding Ryuji’s hand, so that if his pulse for some reason ceases to be he can be the first one to raise the alarm, but… Ann and Haru are right. When he gets like this, it’s impossible for him to take care of himself. 

He hates to admit it, but he does need their help. Ren Amamiya is truly hopeless without his friends.

They take him home, drag him inside and tidy up the place for him. Find clean clothes for him, shove him into the shower while they order them all some dinner. An extra futon is pulled from the closet, and together they collapse atop their little pile of pillows and blankets and softness, pork katsu in their bellies and a laughably bad cartoon movie playing on the TV.

And… they sleep.  

It’s blissful. Ren jerks awake every few hours, but one of them is always right there - touching his arm, rubbing his back. They don’t let him out of their sight - they wake him to make him drink water, they make sure he’s not too hot or too cold. 

It’s motherly. It’s kind of weird. But that’s how they have always been and Ren would not have it any other way. 

The next day, they visit Ryuji again in the hospital, which at least eases the ache of Ren’s heart and the fear that bubbles up inside him when he is away and worrying. He’s already doing better, healing at the near-superhuman speed Ryuji tends to, going a little stir-crazy in the hospital bed with nothing to do. Ren brings him his portable console and a whole box of games to play. 

On Ryuji’s third day in the hospital, the rest of the crew comes to visit - even Futaba takes a short break from her studies to see them. She hugs Ren with a fierceness, tells him she misses him, and god Ren misses her too, wishes he could tell her about the roller coaster his life has been these past few months. Sadly, there’s not enough time, there’s never enough time, but seeing her sparkling expression and her excitement about life is more than enough. 

Ann and Haru end up staying with him up until the day Ryuji is released. “You better take care of him,” They say, and drill it into his head that he can’t let his own self-care fall by the wayside either or else they will be back to interrupt his precious alone time with him, something Ren wouldn’t trade for the world right now. 

When Ryuji hobbles out of the hospital, it’s on his feet , smiling and giddy and happy to be free. He’s on crutches but it doesn’t matter one damn bit as Ren helps him into Haru’s car, he’s okay and he’s no longer confined to that terrible-smelling hospital bed and Ren finally, finally has his best friend back. 

“Dude, I smell. So bad,” Ryuji lifts one of his arms and makes a face. “They never gave me any deodorant.” 

“Jesus,” Ren laughs, shoving him gently because it still feels like he’s made of glass. “Put that thing down. You’re gonna make Haru puke.” 

“Want me to open the windows?” Haru asks, smiling widely at the both of them. 

“Oh my god, please, ” Ryuji’s already clambering over Ren, crutches or brace on his knee be damned, and when Haru rolls down the window and the cool fall air rushes in he sticks his head right out like a dog, whooping into the wind.

“Hell yeah! I’m free!” 

Ren laughs to the point of tears, whooping right along with Ryuji, and he is so mind-blowingly happy to be alive. At this moment, at this point in time, at this rotation of the universe. He is just happy.  

Haru drops them off, saying her final goodbyes - it’s always ‘see you laters’, really, with all of their friends, because they always find some way to spend time with one another, but with her and Ann going back home and Ryuji moving back in it does have some kind of finality to it. He'd just barely gotten used to them being in his home - he thinks that he'll miss Ann humming to herself in the shower, Haru setting up a makeshift herb garden on their balcony. 

“I’ve organized your worker’s comp,” Haru tells Ryuji. “You’ll be getting your normal salary until you’re fully recovered.” 

“Okay,” Ryuji raises a brow. Ren sighs. The guy is still weird, even about something mandated by the goddamn government. “How long is that?” 

“ Until you’ve fully recovered, ” Haru says harshly, narrowing her eyes, and for once Ryuji just shuts his damn mouth and takes what’s been offered to him. “Ren, make sure he’s not trying to do anything crazy.” 

“Understood.” He’s got a laundry list of ‘things Ryuji cannot do right now’, including but not limited to: working out, running, taking baths, removing the brace, and smoking. A little selfish part of him notes that the list does not include ‘sexual activity’. Definitely an interesting little tidbit of information he will file away for later. 

He helps Ryuji hobble inside, despite his protesting - “Dude, I can still walk ” - and as soon as they are inside, the door shut and locked, home feels like… well, home again. 

Home, Ren has decided, is where the Ryuji is. 

---

Their first day home, all they do is sleep.

Ren took a few more days off work - so sue him - if only so he could make sure Ryuji was taking his medication properly and not doing anything idiotic to hamper the healing process. Maybe he also just wants some quality time with him - binging movies, catching up on shows, just… talking. It feels so good, so real, so perfect.  

On the second day, they finally muster the strength to do more than just laze about and order delivery - Ren makes them coffee, and he helps Ryuji out onto the patio so he can enjoy the cool morning air. 

“Y’know,” Ryuji says, smacking his lips as he sips at his mug - black, which is a very unusual request from him. “After the hospital coffee, this stuff tastes amazing. ” 

“You see what I mean about coffee being an acquired taste?” 

“You mean, I have to abuse my taste buds until it doesn’t taste like I’m drinking dirt?” He scoffs. “Then, yeah. I guess.” 

“...I’m happy you’re back.” 

“God, me too.” Ryuji stretches, readjusting his crutches. “Has the agency said anything?”  

Ren shrugs. He's periodically checked on their page through the agency, but it hasn't exactly been his top concern. Not to mention that both Ann and Haru were much, much too interested in it and he didn't really feel comfortable browsing it while they were in the room. “They’re confused, mostly. They’ll probably start elevating into ‘pissed off’ territory after another few weeks, but I'll let them know the gist of what happened.” 

“Okay, cool.” Ryuji claps his hands together. “Sounds like we can just get right back to it, then.” 

“What?” Ren balks. “No.” 

“Why not?” 

“You just had major surgery, ” Ren shakes his head in disbelief. “Besides, who else has a brace like that right now?” He glances down at the specialty brace Ryuji has to wear - all metal and thick, black fabric, wrapping around his leg and holding his knee in place so it can heal. Definitely an identifying mark if Ren’s ever seen one. “We'd have people banging down our door within a few days.” 

“We're not that popular,” Ryuji scoffs. 

Ren raises a brow. “Do you ever look at the analytics?” 

“The anal what-now?” 

Holy shit, he doesn't even know what they are . Ren gave him access and everything months ago. He sighs with exasperation, pulling up one of their most recent videos on his phone.

“Wh- two hundred thousand? ” Ryuji's eyes bulge, and a grin plasters itself onto his face. “Holy shit, dude, we're famous.” 

“I wouldn't say famous, but we do have some notoriety,” Ren tells him, stashing his phone in his pocket. “So. No filming, at least until you can take the brace off at home.” 

“ Ugh, ” Ryuji pouts, hunching his shoulders as he leans bodily over the railing. Idly, he prods at the little basil plant Haru brought over, looking crestfallen. 

“What? Is that all you wanted to do when you got out?” 

Ryuji shifts uncomfortably. Ren leans over to get a better look at him - his friend's a little pink in the face, avoiding his gaze. 

“Look, man, I went from every day to absolutely nothing for a week. I'm climbing the walls here.” 

Ren looks at Ryuji, acting like someone pissed in his cheerios, all miserable and sorry-looking because he hasn't gotten to nut , and he can't help but burst out into laughter. 

“Wh- it's not funny!” Ryuji shoves him weakly, but almost loses his balance. Still laughing, Ren rushes to catch him, hooking his arm around Ryuji's back to support him. 

“Sorry, sorry. I just -” Ren snickers, looking away. “I can't believe that's what you're worried about.” 

“Well,” Ryuji sniffs, looking indignant, “I am. This sucks.” 

“What do you mean, this sucks? Dude, I'm right here. ” 

Ryuji thinks on that for a moment, working his jaw as he watches the traffic below. Ren realizes that maybe it's hard for him to think about this stuff outside the concept of filming it. There always needs to be a… a reason , an excuse. “We have to stay sharp, anyways, if we're gonna return down the line.”

That seems to save Ryuji from the dangerous line of logic his mind is taking him down, because he grins like Ren just solved some great philosophical paradox. “You know, that's a good point, actually.” 

Probably by instinct, Ryuji reaches down to grab the pack of cigarettes they leave there - Ren snatches it away, giving him a look, and his friend groans, rolling his eyes. “I know, I know,” He huffs. “Dude, this sucks.” 

“I know,” Ren feels for him, he really does. If Ryuji dislikes anything, it's his autonomy being taken away. No matter how dumb his decisions can be sometimes, he likes fucking up on his down dime, likes growing and learning from his mistakes. Being cooped up in the house like this, surely, is probably going to drive him absolutely insane.  

Groaning, Ryuji hobbles back inside, tossing his crutches haphazardly onto the floor as he plops down onto the futon. The blanket catches a little air before he covers himself with it, turtling up underneath it, and Ren smiles ruefully, shaking his head as he follows him back in. 

He's definitely going to have his hands full, that's for sure. 

Ryuji just makes little displeased noises as Ren settles down next to him. Tentatively, he lifts the blanket, only for Ryuji to tug it back underneath him with a growl. 

“Dude,” Ren laughs because Ryuji is so damn impossible sometimes. When he finally manages to wrestle the blanket away - 

Oh. 

Ryuji is crying. 

There's no sound, just tears, as he curls his fingers into the pillow, eyes glassy and wet, and Ren’s heart wrenches , his throat tightens as he swallows around a lump forming there. 

“I almost died , man,” Ryuji says and his voice is so small . “That was scary as hell.” 

For Ryuji's sake, Ren holds back the grief welling up inside him - instead, he just pets his hair gently as his friend's shoulders shake with silent sobs, his eyes squeezed shut in a weak attempt to stymie the tears rolling down his cheeks. “But you didn't,” Ren tells him softly. 

“I could've, ” Ryuji shudders at the thought. “You- you're my ride or die, right?” He looks up at Ren with those deep brown eyes, searching, pleading. “You ain't gonna leave me just ‘cause I might be a cripple now?” 

“Ryuji,” Ren laughs incredulously. “I'm not sure why you would ever think that, but - of course not.” 

“...Okay.” He sniffles a little, wiping his nose on his sleeve. “...Thanks, man.” 

“You don't need to thank me,” Ren murmurs. He's just - he's an ocean of feelings right now. Relief, regret, sadness, joy. He's not sure anyone has been able to make him feel in the way Ryuji does. He can't tell if that's a good thing or a terrible thing, but he does know that being without him felt like losing a part of himself. 

Together they putter away the day, and Ren has never been so happy to be bad at fighting games if only to see the victorious expression on Ryuji's face when he kicks his ass. 

Chapter Text

Ryuji is losing it. 

Not only is he cooped up inside the house, but Ren is treating him like - like he's made of glass or something, like any wrong move and he'd be reduced to a pile of shards on the floor. He got hurt , yeah, but… but… 

He's not fragile. And he is so, so fucking pent up.

Ryuji didn't realize just how often he and Ren were filming until he landed himself at the hospital. At one point, he scrolls through all the videos they've posted and realizes that it was nearly every day , sometimes more than once, even. Not to mention all the shit they've done off-camera - and, at some point, his hand doesn't really do it anymore. 

This is where he finds himself - Ren at work, Ryuji home by himself, laying down as comfortably as he can muster with this… evil knee brace he has to wear as he makes a vain attempt to jack off. 

“ Ughhh ,” He groans, throwing his hands up over his face and rubbing his eyes. This sucks. He can't just up and ask Ren to help him out, that would be… crossing a line, but at the same time he's losing his goddamn mind and something's gotta give. 

He hears keys at the door - panicking a little, Ryuji frantically struggles to shove himself back into his pants, erection be damned. 

“Hey,” Ren peeks around the corner and Ryuji leans back to give him a little wave. “You just… sitting here in silence?” He raises a brow. 

“Um- yep,” Ryuji ever-so-casually turns away, patting his thighs awkwardly. 

Ren's quiet save for the sound of him removing his shoes and hanging up his coat. “...You okay?” 

No, I'm so horny I may actually be going insane. “...Yep! Just fine.” 

“You don't seem fine. What's up?” Ryuji stiffens as Ren crouches down next to him, brow raised as his eyes pass over his form. They dart to his knee first, of course , but then they settle on his groin and Ryuji holds his breath, willing his hard-on to just go away.  

“You are allergic to advocating for yourself, you know that?” Ren mumbles, reaching out to press his palm against Ryuji's crotch. 

Oh, that's good, that shouldn't feel as good as it does, but Ren's hand is so warm and he smells like coffee and curry and it's been so goddamn long.  

“You keep actin’ like I'm about to keel over and die,” Ryuji grumbles - look, he can't help being a little grouchy about it, he knows he gave Ren a pretty good scare but he's fine now. Even if his knee still hurts like a bitch if he puts any weight on it. “What am I supposed to do?” 

Ren furrows his brow a little, looking pensive as he settles down next to him. “I mean, you've been all… in your head, the last week or so. I'm not a mind reader.” 

Ren isn’t wrong about that. Being in the hospital, alone, for so long - even if Ren and co. did visit every day - it gave him a lot of time to think about things. Scary things, things that feel like they threaten the very fabric of who he is, like the fact that he’s still straight but doing these things with Ren - the filming, the sex, the intimacy? It feels like… like, just, more than it has with any other girl he’s dated or fucked or pursued. Ren is like a black hole, a great whirlpool, Ryuji feels like every time they’re close all his rational thought is wiped away and he’s left gasping for air.

He’s not gay. But he can’t deny that there is something in the way Ren looks at him, even now. He’s concerned, worried. Ryuji remembers the way Haru and Ann looked at him, how they told him to be careful, how they told him not to hurt him as if Ren is in any way a fragile sort of person. He’s not, right? 

But Ren Amamiya had cried at his bedside, had held his hand like it was the one and only thread connecting him to reality, had stayed by his side and refused to leave until their other friends practically forced him away. Maybe Ren is not fragile, not so easy to sway the way Ryuji is, but… for a moment, he thought he’d lost his best friend. 

Ryuji thinks that would break anyone, even him. 

It’s not something they talk about. They can’t talk about it, especially because there’s still the weight of what Ryuji had to do to get this surgery, the weight of what he still hasn’t told Ren yet because he’s too chicken to admit that he needs help.  

Ryuji swallows, averting his eyes. It’s easier this way, to just let whatever is between them be… nebulous and formless and without labels or a name. If they don’t, Ryuji doesn’t have to face the terrible line of self-depreciative thinking he slides down, echoes of a childhood where he was told that something between a man and another man is blasphemous, sinful, hedonistic.

It’s a slippery slope indeed, and one Ryuji literally cannot afford to go down now.

I’ve gotta tell him.

“Look, dude,” He tilts his head back to stare up at the ceiling. The guilt’s been eating at him like a goddamn parasite, and he just can’t bear to look Ren in the eye when he says it. “I had to - I’m - did you ever see how much the surgery cost?” 

Ren tilts his head. Out of the corner of his eye, Ryuji spots his brow furrowing in the way it does when he’s working through something, thinking at lightspeed to come to a conclusion. “I don’t think so. Don’t you have insurance, though?” 

“Yeah, but…” Ryuji’s hand wraps around the inner elbow of his opposite arm, feeling all the little pinprick scabs where he’d been jabbed with needles. “I mean, it’s not super good insurance, and this shit ain’t cheap.” 

“What are you saying?” Ren’s tone isn’t accusatory, isn’t judgemental, but Ryuji can tell he’s concerned. 

“I had to… I had to take out a loan to get the surgery done,” Ryuji tells him, remembering how terrible he felt signing those papers. “It’s - it’s big, and I don’t know how I’m gonna pay it back, and-”

Ren’s eyes flash with understanding. “So that’s why you were so eager to film again.” 

“...Yeah.” Ryuji tilts his head away, still unwilling to look him in the eye. “I mean, that, and I kind of feel like a horny teenager again.” He forces a laugh, despite himself. 

“How much is the loan?” 

“...A lot.” Ryuji doesn’t want to say how much exactly, but Ren just gives him a look . “A few hundred-thousand. Knee surgery ain’t cheap, apparently. And, before you chew me out because I know you’re gonna-” 

Ren closes his mouth. 

“I can’t ask Ma for that kind of money. She’s taking care of Gramps and Grams. They don’t have a lot of time left, y’know?” 

Ren nods slowly. “What about Haru?” 

It’s no secret that Haru is, well, for lack of a better term, filthy fucking rich. She’s the heiress of one of the largest corporations in Japan. However, she doesn’t want that life. She left most of it behind to start the bakery. Until she’s twenty-five (which is soon, but not soon enough), she only has access to the nominal funds left to her in her father’s inheritance, and her shares of the company are controlled by the acting CEO. Ryuji knows this. He couldn’t just… he couldn’t take away that money, that money she needs to run her business, no matter how much Haru thinks this is her fault. 

“I couldn’t ask her,” Ryuji says finally. “Her finances are… well, they’re more complicated than you’d think.” 

“I figured as much.” Ren squeezes his shoulder, and for a moment Ryuji thinks that everything might just be okay. “Well. Guess we have our work cut out for us, huh?” 

“What do you mean, we? ” 

“Dude,” Ren laughs. “Ride or die. Remember? You stuck around when I was getting arrested for election interference. I think I can afford to help you pay this back.” 

Ryuji’s heart positively swells. Of course Ren has his back. They’ve always been like this, together through thick and thin, he’s not sure why he thought that would change now but he is so very glad it hasn’t. “So, you wanna film again?” 

“Well,” Ren thinks on that, biting his knuckle as he does. “I still don’t think you should be trying to do anything crazy. At least, not until your stitches dissolve.” 

Ryuji’s heart sinks a little, now. Ren’s still worried about him, but - he’s fine, really, there’s nothing wrong with him - 

“ But as soon as you’re feeling better, we can. Yeah. Plus, I might have a plan for the meantime.” 

“The meantime…?” 

“Well,” Ren smirks in that smug little way, glancing back at the door. “A little while ago, Ann expressed some interest in… expanding her horizons, whatever that means.” 

Oh. Ryuji has to push down the snarling, jealous beast that rears its head at the thought, because it is actually a good idea. Even if he has absolutely zero interest in watching Ren fuck someone else. 

Ann is pretty hot, though. Even if the thought of doing stuff with her feels kind of… strange. They’ve known each other for so long that he’d kind of nixed even the possibility of getting with her years ago, they just don’t have that kind of relationship. 

Friends with (monetary) benefits, though? Maybe that’s not so bad. Especially if Ren’s gonna do most of the legwork. Well, Ryuji feels weird about that too for unrelated reasons, but his friend’s just trying to help him out and he’s not really in the position of being able to refuse.  

“Ann, huh?” Ryuji snorts a little. “Didn’t take her as that kind of person.” 

“Me neither, honestly, but - hey, if she wants to, she could be a good… hm, guest star until your leg’s feeling better.” 

“Sure, alright. Ask her, ‘cause no way in hell am I approaching her with that.” 

Ren laughs a little under his breath. “Okay, I will.” 

Then, they just… sit there in silence, for a short while. 

Ryuji’s glad things are settled, that they even have the general idea of a plan, but at the same time Ren’s still got his hand firmly planted on Ryuji’s groin and he is still painfully, mind-bendingly horny. Ryuji clears his throat. “...That doesn’t really solve the problem I’m havin’ right now, though,” He hedges. 

“Oh - right.” Ren glances back down at Ryuji’s lower half. “What, can’t jerk off or something?” 

“It’s not that,” He protests, because he is perfectly capable of jacking off. It’s just… “I dunno. It ain’t the same.” 

Ren shakes his head as he clambers over him, carefully settling between his legs as he strokes the outline of Ryuji’s cock through his sweats - the contact makes him shiver a little, inhaling slowly as he enjoys the sensation. “Didn’t think you relied on me that much,” Ren murmurs, obviously a little chuffed with himself. 

“Just -” Ryuji sputters, wiggling a little underneath him. “Just help a guy out, would you?” 

“Mmm. Maybe if you ask nicely. ” 

“Oh, come on - ” Oh, he’s pulling his cock out. Ryuji sighs a little shakily as Ren’s fingers play up his shaft - he feels himself twitch insistently and Ren laughs a little, licking his lips. 

“Wow, you are pent up. Sorry, man.” 

“You fuckin’ should be, you asshole- oh, ” Ryuji inhales sharply as Ren leans forward and presses his lips against the head of his cock. Oh, that’s good, that’s damn good, his mouth is so warm… 

“What was that?” Ren’s thumb is teasing at his frenulum and Ryuji whines, writhing a little underneath him - his roommate’s hand holds the hip of his bad leg in place as he pumps him gently. 

“Dammit, just…” Ryuji groans. He hates how needy he’s being, but it seems like Ren’s gonna make him play along if he wants to get off today. “Suck me off? Please.” 

Immediately, Ren’s wrapping those sinfully-soft lips around him, sliding down a little for a better angle - Ryuji moans, laughing a little too because of how impossibly sensitive he is, as he slowly takes him all the way to his base. 

“Crazy to me that you don’t have a- hnn - gag reflex,” Ryuji chokes out. In response, Ren somehow takes him even deeper - he can feel his throat convulsing around his cock and fuck add that to the list of ‘things that Ryuji didn’t know could be hot but totally are ’. 

It’s a little embarrassing, how fast he’s getting close. He wants to warn Ren, but Ryuji can barely catch his breath between those sinful strokes and the way Ren hollows out his cheeks and sucks and - 

“ Hrgmfh-” Ren makes a choked noise as Ryuji whines, white-knuckling the sheets with a soft ‘sorry’ as he spills down his friend’s throat. 

Ren pulls off with a gasp, wiping his mouth with a fiery look in his eyes. “You asshole,” He breathes, his voice ragged. 

“Sorry,” Ryuji laughs, limp and spent. “Did I make you swallow?” 

“ Yes, ” Ren coughs a little. “A little warning next time?” God, that’s hot. Ren licks his lips and it’s even hotter. 

“I couldn’t help it, okay? When was the last time you went down on me, huh?”
 

Ren just rolls his eyes, roughly tugging Ryuji’s pants back up before crawling across him to settle at his side. “You’re impossible sometimes.” 

“I know,” Ryuji says proudly. Even now, his favorite thing in the world is getting on Ren’s nerves - especially when he serves to benefit. Right now he absolutely does because he definitely wants to see Ren do that again. 

And again, and again… 

Maybe forever. Ryuji doesn’t know. 

---

“Ren, Ryuji! You left your door unlocked.” 

Ryuji pops his head up from his seemingly-permanent place on the futon as Ann marches into their apartment, backpack slung over her shoulder and small shopping bag hanging from her hand. Shit, is that today?!  

He knows Ren asked Ann to to a test run on the whole filming thing, but he didn't know it was gonna be today. He wasn't prepared for this, he's still in his pajamas and he hasn't redyed his roots yet- 

It occurs to him that he will not be the star of this particular film, with a slight twinge of jealousy. 

“Oh, hey Ann,” Ren walks out of the bathroom, shirtless and towel-drying his hair. He's only wearing a pair of gym shorts that leave very, very little to the imagination. “What's in the bag?” 

“Well, I know you complain a lot about editing being a pain in the ass…” Ann fishes around in the bag and produces a small, white mask - like the kind Ryuji might see in an anime about masquerades or something. Black rims the eyeholes, with sharp lines drawn out from them almost like eyelashes, or scars.

“So, I got us all some masks!” She cheerily hands the first one she grabbed to Ren, before grabbing another and bending down to hand it to Ryuji. This one is, well.. it's kind of bad ass actually, a skull painted a dark metallic silver with sharp fangs and an angry expression. “I know you're just doing cameras today, but I thought you should have one too, Ryuji.” 

“Thanks,” Ryuji says, a little stunned as he turns it over in his hands. He's still a little weird about Ann… participating , if he's being honest. This whole thing felt like a him and Ren activity, so adding someone else into the mix feels… strange, to say the least. It does help that it's Ann, though. She's not the kind of woman to tie herself down, so this is nothing but casual for her. 

Wait, did he just admit that what he and Ren do isn't just casual? 

No, no. He just got something mixed around in his head, that's all. 

“These are really nice,” Ren says, already experimentally trying his on, and oh no he looks hot wearing that, all mysterious and suave… “Where'd you get them?” 

“A local art festival,” Ann replies, taking her own mask out of the bag. It's a deep red, with little ears like a cat and even a little nose. Ryuji snorts a little. 

“Is your stage name gonna be kitten? ” 

Ann makes a face at him. “No, it's panther , thank you very much.” 

Ryuji rolls his eyes; Ren just smiles. “Well, should we get started?” 

---

A few minutes later, they've cleaned up and now Ryuji is crouched behind the camera, ready to film. This doesn't feel too different from the first time, save for the fact that he is definitely not welcome to participate, considering his leg. Both Ann and Ren are wearing their masks, settling themselves atop the mattress. 

Ann's always had that ‘magazine model’ kind of body, and that hasn't changed - only wearing a loose, off-shoulder top and a pair of sleep shorts, she looks remarkably comfortable yet perfectly coiffed at the same time. She catches Ryuji staring, and she winks, holding up a cute little peace sign. 

“So,” She says, looking between Ryuji and Ren, who is sitting back on the futon with his arms resting on his knees. “What should I be doing, exactly?” 

“I'll lead, since it's your first time,” Ren explains. “Honestly? Just sit there and look pretty… and have a good time, obviously.” 

Ann flushes a little; Ryuji chuckles. Ren's charm is pretty irresistible, he knows that firsthand considering the guy had him wrapped around his finger from day one. Ann, obviously, is not immune. “Oh,” She says softly. “Okay. Can I lead next time?” 

“...Sure?” Ren tilts his head. “How do you mean?” 

“Well,” Ann leans over like she's about to share a secret, hand held against her mouth, “I do have a strap on.” 

Ryuji guffaws when Ren’s face turns tomato-red, even when his friend reaches over to punch him in the shoulder. “Hey!” He protests, rubbing his arm, “No hitting the cripple.” Well, Ann isn't immune but she does have some of her own tricks up her sleeve. Honestly, Ryuji's kind of excited to see how this goes down - she's pretty adept at pushing people's buttons. 

“Ground rules,” Ren says, clearing his throat. “We'll film here and I'll edit it, but Ann gets the last say on whether we post it or not. If this goes well, we can maybe do more some other time.” 

“Sounds good!” Ann smiles, totally casual about this. Has she… done this before? Ryuji thinks not, but she is a model, that probably makes this sort of thing a little easier. Not to mention she probably knows all the good angles. Idly, Ryuji wonders if they could make her their manager, though the idea of Ann staring down his unmentionables kind of gives him the heebie-jeebies. 

“Also-” Ren adds, shifting a little on the futon. “No sex toys today. We're just learning here, no need to try and hunt for boundaries.” 

“Aw,” Ann pushes out her lower lip in a pout. “Kind of disappointing, but I understand.” 

“You ready, Ryuji?” 

Ryuji perks up a little, settling himself more comfortably behind the camera. “Yep, whenever you guys are.” 

The action starts slowly, a nice buildup - Ren doesn't even kiss her on the mouth (good), just ghosts his lips down over Ann’s pale neck and chest, slowly crowding her until she leans back against the wall in front of the tripod, tugging off her crop to reveal a fancy-looking red bra. She's already flushing a brilliant pink in her ears and cheeks, eyes squeezed shut for a moment as Ren runs a hand down her smooth, taut waist. 

“Can we talk?” Ann whispers; Ren nods. He and Ryuji have found that the distortion of the audio makes it pretty hard to pick out specific voices, so they kind of… stopped caring about being quiet. Sound is part of it, right? Plus, Ann’s manager knows she's doing this. She has virtually nothing to lose. 

Ren thumbs at the waistband of Ann's lacy red sleeping shorts; she sighs a little, threading her fingers into his hair, and Ryuji bites his lip as he wishes that was his hand right about now. He makes eye contact with Ann past the camera, mimes a tugging motion. She grins devilishly and tightens her grip; Ren makes a startled, choked noise but Ryuji does see his dick jump in his shorts. 

He and Ann make a pretty good team, actually. 

Ren's gaze slides over to him, eyes narrowed behind the mask. “So that's how it's gonna be, huh,” He murmurs, voice low in that way when he's getting competitive, and Ryuji runs his tongue over his lower lip in excitement. 

“What?” Ann purrs down at Ren, shifting her hips a little. “You said you wanted to lead, doesn't mean I can't mess with you a little.”

“Mmh,” Is all Ren says against the skin of her stomach as Ann tugs at his hair again. 

Wow. Two minutes in and Ann already has Ren wrapped around her manicured little finger. Kind of impressive, honestly, he should be taking notes. She's running her other hand down his back, eyes cast down at him as he nips at the edge of her bra. 

She reaches around herself, takes it off - with a note of surprise Ryuji finds out that Ann's nipples are pierced, perfect little silver barbells running through them and adorned with cute little hearts on each end. Ren’s a little shocked, too - his eyes widen and Ann giggles a little, her breasts swaying tantalizingly as she does. 

“You like them, Joker?” 

Ren nods slowly, mouth half-open. A gentle hand curls around to ease it shut. 

“Touch them, then.” 

That's a command, not a request, and damn , who knew Ann was such a freak in bed? Well, not a freak , just… she knows what she wants and she's gonna get it. Ren knows he can't say no to her, Ryuji can see it in the half-lidded look in his roommate's eyes and the way he's already straining against his shorts. His hands come up to knead at them gently, tweaking her nipples - but Ann just lazily slaps him away and he goes right back to just weighing them in his hands, Ryuji watching breathlessly as the soft skin squeezes between the gaps of his fingers. 

“Mmh, that's nice,” Ann breathes, closing her eyes. When she opens them again, they flick briefly over to Ren’s clothed erection, but she hardly pays it any mind at all as she grips Ren's hair again and pulls him sharply away. 

They meet each other's eyes; Ryuji zooms in on the camera a little to catch their expressions. Ann’s gaze is like daggers, a coy smile painting her lips; Ren, on the other hand, is red and breathless, body loose and limp as Ann jerks him around like her own personal toy. 

“Good boy,” Ann murmurs, and that makes Ryuji’s dick jump. 

Or, rather, Ren's reaction does, because his eyes flick over to him for just a split-second before he looks back to Ann, shivering a little as the current object of his affection slides languidly down the wall, hand not in Ren’s hair tugging at her shorts. 

“You hungry?” Ann asks, voice sultry and dripping with satisfaction, and Ren nods quickly, adam’s apple bobbing as he swallows. Slowly, she tugs her bottoms down her legs - the camera catches a glisten there, and Ryuji averts his eyes a little even as Ann tilts her head back, staring cockily at him. 

Her self-satisfied expression doesn't last long, though - Ren buries himself between her legs enthusiastically and Ann moans low in her throat, chest rising in a sharp inhale as she digs her nails into the sheets. “Oh, fuck yes,” She murmurs, blue eyes fluttering closed, and, um… for a fleeting moment, Ryuji half-wishes he had a pussy because Ann looks like she's halfway to heaven. 

It goes on like this for a while - Ren making these immaculately-lewd slurping sounds, Ann’s legs trembling and her lip caught between her teeth. Ryuji moves the camera to get a better angle, watching with rapture as Ren tugs his shorts off. He only pauses for a moment, looking up to Ann, and she nods breathlessly. He was asking for permission, Ryuji realizes, and he grins, biting his knuckle as he observes. 

Slowly, Ren starts to stroke his cock. Ann's writhing above him, mouth opening and closing in silent pleasure until she manages to find the faculties to say, “I didn't think you'd be this good at this,” Before Ren makes a sucking sound and her words are lost to a breathy groan. 

However, Ann seems to grow tired of their current position. Ryuji has to scramble to move the camera as she pushes Ren away. “On your back,” She instructs, and Ren rolls over obediently, meeting eyes with Ryuji before Ann is… 

Oh, she's sitting on his face. 

Ryuji is a little more preoccupied with the angle but he can't deny that it's hot as fuck. Ren’s muffled groan as Ann lowers her perfect, sculpted ass to his face. The way she leans over and strokes him gently, loosely, as she grinds her hips into his face, uncaring whether Ren can move or even breathe. “Oh, you like that, huh?” Ann accuses and Ren just makes a strained hrgmmph sound muffled by the cunt he currently has a faceful of. 

After a few moments, though, Ren starts tapping Ann's thigh. First, it's just a light prodding, then it escalates into frantic slapping - Ryuji pauses the recording as Ann pulls off of him, backing away, and Ren gasps for breath, eyes wide. 

“Are you trying to kill me?” He asks, chest heaving. 

Ann looks a little sheepish. “...I got carried away, sorry.” 

Ren looks only mildly perturbed as he sits up - Ryuji's a little baffled, honestly. When a girl sits on your face… if you die, you die, y'know? But his friend obviously does not hold the same sentiment. “This is why I wanted to lead,” Ren grumbles, and Ann sits back, hand between her legs. 

“Condom?” He asks and Ryuji tosses him one - Ann watches as he unwraps it, stroking himself slowly as he rolls it on over his shaft. 

“I'm paused over here, by the way,” Ryuji says, and Ren nods. 

“I'll let you know when to start it again. I need - I need a minute.” 

“That was hot, though,” Ryuji adds. Ren rolls his eyes, Ann looks positively elated . 

“I'm surprised you didn't whip it out, Ryuji,” Ann teases. 

“What? That would be… I dunno, disrespectful…” 

“Ryuji,” Ren laughs incredulously. “We're making porn. ” 

“Right - right,” Ryuji waves a hand, but he's still not gonna just.. jerk off in front of them. That's a touch too weird for his taste. “Just… take your break.” 

They start up again soon after, with Ann on her back and Ren hovering above her - maybe missionary is a little basic, but it's their first time doing this. Probably not a bad thing. Ann is already perfectly wet - a plus to being a girl, Ryuji supposes, no real prep required - so the next cut of the video begins with Ren teasing the head of his cock gently against Ann’s entrance, tilting his head back as she whines under him, seeking more stimulation. 

When Ren does finally slide in, that twinge of jealousy rears its head again because the noise Ann makes is nothing if not filthy.  

Ren fucks like it's his damn job (well, it is right now, but that's besides the point), twisting his hips so that he's expertly hitting that sweet spot, every stroke perfectly calculated to melt Ann into a veritable puddle of moans and whimpers beneath him as he slides his hands down her chest, grabbing her roughly by the hips. 

Wish that were me, Ryuji thinks to himself, but - wait, that would mean taking it in the ass and - 

But then, Ren hikes Ann's legs up over one shoulder, wrapping an arm around her shins and bracing his other hand against her hip as he pistons himself deep , thumb reaching for Ann’s clit to rub circles in the soft, swollen flesh. “ Shit, ” Ann hisses, followed by a gasp as Ren rolls her clit between his fingers. 

Like Ryuji has said before. Ren is so, so good at this. Absolutely the undercover porn star of their age, as he rests his head gently against Ann’s calf and watches her expressions, so solely dedicated to her pleasure as she writhes and moans beneath him, trying to gasp out something between thrusts but it just doesn't seem like she can get it out - 

Then, she's snatching a pillow and moaning wantonly into it, her whole body tensing, and Ren's eyes widen as she trembles, rocking her hips in time with Ren’s thrusts as she comes. 

Though, Ren's merciless - maybe a touch of revenge for Ann’s little stunt earlier - even in the aftermath of her orgasm, he doesn't stop. He's still fucking her hard and fast, Ann’s thighs trembling from the overstimulation, her hands up above her head and fingers tensed into the mattress. “Holy shit-” She whimpers, but no safe word is uttered and Ren quickens his thrusts, hips beginning to stutter. 

Ryuji's seen it enough to know what it looks like when Ren is about to come. His body tenses, his hands curl in this particular way, his eyes flutter closed as he succumbs to the bliss of orgasm. He thrusts once, twice, then just stops, limbs loosening as he groans low in his throat, hilted inside Ann as he makes a mess of the condom. 

So, how long should he wait to stop the video…? 

Ryuji decides thirty seconds is good. He counts it, pauses it with a click , then leans back, extending his bad leg and rubbing around the puckered flesh. “That was pretty good,” He says. 

Both of them are just quiet, breathing heavily and staring wide at each other, and… 

Yeah, maybe Ryuji's a little jealous. 

He also feels bad, because maybe this was something Ren wanted. To fuck a girl, or just stick his dick in something in general. Ryuji kicks himself a little internally for being such a pussy about it, it was just a little too far for him and even if Ren is good at respecting his boundaries Ryuji also just wants his friend to be happy.  

Satisfied.

With just him, maybe. 

“...That was fun,” Ann breathes, and Ryuji shakes himself out of his thoughts; Ren pulls out and wraps up the condom, making a rather impressive toss into the trash can across the apartment. 

“It was,” He agrees, and Ryuji's chest aches a little. “We should do it again sometime.” 

“Sure. But, next time, we're using the strap.” Ann grunts as she gets to her feet, a little shaky - Ren reaches out to help her up but she kicks him away. “I can help myself, thank you very much,” She says, grabbing her shorts and her crop. “Shower?” 

“Go ahead,” Ren waves her away. “I'm gonna grab some water.” 

“Suit yourself,” She says, trodding over to the bathroom.

Once the water starts to run, Ryuji finds himself relaxing a little; Ren returns from the kitchen with a glass of water and presses himself up against Ryuji's side as he drains it. 

“How was that for you?” Ryuji asks, but he can't lie about being a little afraid of the answer. 

Ren shrugs. “Fine, I guess. Ann's a lot.” 

That's… a better answer than Ryuji expected, if he's honest with himself. “Yeah, I saw,” He chuckles. “You okay?” 

“M’fine,” Ren leans bodily against him. “Hey, kiss me.” 

Oh. Okay. Ryuji leans down to press his lips to his, and the taste is sharp and strange. “What was that for?” He asks as they pull apart. 

Ren grins. “Do I taste like…” 

“Pussy? Yeah.” 

He laughs, swaying a little, and Ryuji smiles, wrapping an arm around his shoulder. Maybe he's still a little weird about this, but this is still pretty nice. He might have had a mild conniption had Ren gone to shower with Ann, though - that , for some reason, would be a little too far. It’s the - it’s the intimacy of it. That’s something Ren only has with him.

Impulsively, without thought, Ryuji nudges him. “Hey,” He says. 

“Hm?” 

“I want you to put it in my butt.” 

Ren freezes. Looks up at him. His eyes are sparkling and oh god maybe this was a mistake -

“ Really? ” 

Chapter Text

It takes a few days for Ryuji to finally muster up the courage to approach Ren about the… 

The butt thing. The butt fucking thing. 

The image of Ren fucking someone else is still fresh in his mind, though, and no amount of crappy sitcom reruns or mindless video games will get it out of his head; he wants to be the one to make Ren feel that way, he wants to be underneath him like that instead of Ann or Ms. Random or whoever. 

The cold snap has hit in force, and on Ren’s day off they are both curled under the blanket together, keeping away the cold. They've put rice-filled socks in the gaps of the door to try to hold the heat in but the walls are damn thin and even with the shared body heat they're both shivering a little, even under the thick comforter Ren got from the discount shop. 

“Should I break out the kotastu heater?” Ren asks - shit , right, they have an old kotastu in the closet. The tabletop is cracked, but the heater works just fine. 

So, Ryuji nods, and Ren leaves the blanket, teeth chattering as he sprints across the apartment to the closet, yanking out the heater and plugging it into the wall. It whirrs cheerfully, and Ryuji feels a warm gust of air pass over him. “Oh, that's good,” He buries himself deeper into the blankets, though he is kind enough to let Ren back underneath. 

They tangle their bodies together, arms over arms over legs over legs, to the point where Ryuji can't tell where his own body ends and Ren’s body begins save for the hard material of his brace pressed against the futon. Ren sighs with satisfaction, rubbing Ryuji's back, and god if that isn't the best feeling in the damn world. 

Y'know, he is feeling pretty relaxed about now. It's cold as balls, but maybe now would be a good time? Could be a good way to warm up, anyways. 

Ryuji doesn't speak, he just… kisses Ren. His chest, his neck (he tilts his head back to give him room), his face. He nips at the shell of Ren’s ear and heis roommate shivers, humming softly. “You want something?” He asks, and Ryuji just redoubles his efforts, unwilling to admit what he actually wants because that would be like admitting defeat. 

“Ah,” Ren laughs. “Is this related to what we talked about a few days ago?” 

“Mmmm,” Ryuji can't look at him. Dammit, normally he isn't shy, but this is… wanting this is… 

It's weird, even for him. He can’t figure out if it’s jealousy or curiosity or something else entirely, maybe just a desire for closeness or for Ren to want him, desire him. 

“Mmmaybe,” He mumbles against Ren’s skin. 

“Are you sure?” 

“I- I dunno, man,” Ryuji sputters a little - he doesn't want to explain himself, doesn't want to talk about it, he just wants to do it . “After watching you with Ann, I…” He trails off, shifting uncomfortably. 

“ Ryuji, ” Ren laughs, exasperated. “Yes or no?”  

“...Yes.” 

“...’Kay.” 

God, what a casual response. Ryuji huffs a little at Ren's general flippancy, but then Ren is rolling out of bed, much less bothered by the cold now as he pads softly across the room. “It's a lot warmer now,” He calls. “You can come out.” 

Pensively, Ryuji lifts the blanket. He finds Ren returning with a bottle of lube, and he swallows nervously, averting his eyes. 

“Oh, don't be like that.” 

“I'm - I'm nervous , alright? Sheesh.” 

“You just need to relax. If you can't, then…” 

No. Nope. He's gonna do this, he's committed. He's got this. “Relaxing now,” As if saying it aloud will make it happen, but it does somewhat help as he kicks the blanket off. It’s still cold, but not as frigid as before with the heater - it’s strangely cold for it only being October, he thinks, something the meteorologists explained as a cold front moving through and hitting them earlier in the season than usual. 

“Better,” Ren smiles, crouching down and crawling between Ryuji's legs. His hands hook on his sweats and he shucks them off, careful of Ryuji's brace, and he pushes his sweatshirt up to his chest, motioning for him to take that off, too. 

“Dude, it's cold, ” Ryuji pouts. He's gonna freeze his dick off before they get anything done. 

“You want lube on that shirt?” 

This is a pretty nice shirt. “...No,” Ryuji sighs, finally relenting and sitting up a little to tug it off. Weird, how being naked as the day he was born around Ren is just so… normal now. The cold air bothers him leagues more than Ren’s wandering gaze - his roommate removes his glasses and those stormy gray eyes travel down his chest, his stomach, his hips. 

Ryuji's flaccid - a little hard to get, well, hard in this weather, but Ren's on a mission to fix that. Leaning down, he flicks his eyes up at Ryuji one last time before wrapping his mouth around him. 

“Mmmh,” Ryuji sighs. Ren hums around him; the room is cold enough that his mouth is like a blinding heat. It’s like some switch is flipped in him - hey, it’s time for sex now - and he’s hard against his tongue in no time, flushing a little and gripping the pillow. 

Ren shifts a little; it jostles his leg and Ryuji hisses. “Careful, dude,” He breathes, eyes fluttering closed because he’s not sure if he can handle watching Ren do what he’s about to do. 

“Sorry,” He murmurs, leaning down to press a kiss to the puckered skin. Ryuji squirms uncomfortably; his skin is still so sensitive there, not in a good way, and Ren kissing him there is… well, it crosses a line from ‘friendly bro sex’ into ‘intimate’ that makes his stomach churn with anxiety. 

Are they really playing gay chicken anymore? Has Ren just… given up the ghost, taken the loss? 

Ryuji doesn’t know, and it doesn’t matter as soon as Ren is pressing a lubed finger against him. He hisses, good leg twitching with discomfort at the feeling. It was really good last time, it was, but also he was tied up like a Christmas ham and couldn’t really do anything to stop it from happening (well, he could have dropped the safeword, but… he didn’t , so). 

“You gotta relax, dude.” 

“I know, I know, it’s just-” He inhales sharply as Ren circles his rim teasingly. “Jesus, how did you do this?”

Ren shrugs noncommittally. “I dunno. Felt like a reasonable turn of events, I guess.” 

Ah, yes, so reasonable. Ryuji supposes it’s an expected next step especially if they’re doing porn but it’s still - it’s a lot. He kind of feels like an asshole (good one, Ryuji) for it taking so damned long to try this, but it’s just been some weird mental block he can’t seem to break down. 

Ren takes off the mask around him, though. Ryuji owes him this much. Also, he wants to see what it’s like, but that’s besides the point. 

Getting lost in thought must help him chill the hell out, because before Ryuji knows it Ren is pressing that finger inside him. It burns, but not as much as the first time - Ryuji flinches a little, but forces himself to stay calm despite the odd intrusion, despite all the ways his brain is scrambling to try and describe the feeling. It takes him a minute to realize he’s holding his breath - it’s only mildly overwhelming, and he lets it out slowly, feeling a little lightheaded. Should he - should he be, like, doing something here? Ren’s doing all the hard work and he’s just lying here, basically useless.

“It was here, wasn’t it?” Ren murmurs, mostly to himself - Ryuji doesn’t exactly know what he means until that same, overpowering feeling washes over him, radiating from deep inside him outwards. Ryuji makes a choked noise; Ren just chuckles darkly. Well, that’s a little scary, Ryuji thinks. 

“Ah, yep, found it.” 

Slowly, Ren begins to tease at his… fuck, he can’t remember the name right now, Ryuji’s way too out of it. It feels good. Really damn good. Like before, like he’s being stroked from the inside - and also kind of like he needs to pee? It’s weird. Weird-good. He’s still getting used to it, but he thinks he could - 

Ren inserts a second finger. Ryuji growls, clenching his jaw, because it hurts a little, it’s uncomfortable, especially when he spreads them to stretch him. Just as he’s about to tap out, though, Ryuji feels a cold sensation and looks up to see Ren drizzling more lube on where his fingers meet his… y’know. He throws his head back against the pillows, staring at the ceiling. 

“You okay?” 

Ren’s calm voice is a balm, a soothing cure to how damn nervous he is. “M’good,” Ryuji whispers - it feels like every movement is making his breath catch in his throat, dizzyingly overstimulating. Ren curls his fingers again - fuck, it’s so much - and a moan tumbles out of him without it meaning to. 

“Damn,” Ren’s looking down at him like he’s the finest piece of art in one of those museums Yusuke drags them to. “You’re really hot like this.” 

Ryuji’s not sure he’s ever gotten a straightforward compliment like that before - not from Ren, at least - and it’s… good. Yeah, good, if he ignores all the other weird feelings that accompany it, if he ignores the fact that Ren has two fingers planted firmly up his ass. This shouldn’t be so weird. Ren took this like it was nothing! 

Stop being a damn pussy and enjoy it, Ryuji.  

Ren’s fingers start to move again - first, just exploratory, presumably trying to get Ryuji used to the feeling. Slowly, the burning sensation fades away, replaced only with a dull stretching feeling and - honestly? It’s actually pretty nice, not nearly as painful as he expected, especially with the liberal amount of lube that his roommate’s using. His fingers twitch up against that spot again and Ryuji arches his back a little, inhaling sharply. 

Then, Ren starts to - he starts to massage it, rubbing his fingers gently against it, and ohhhhfuck. 

“Shit,” Ryuji swears, and he hates how high-pitched and strained he sounds. 

“Good?” Ren asks, a stupid, smug-ass grin plastered on his face. 

“Yeah- nnnfuck- ” It’s relentless. Ren is relentless. He’s not even touching his cock but it’s twitching, drooling pre onto his stomach, turgid and red and begging for stimulation. 

“Damn, I wonder if you could come just like this.” 

Ryuji’s not sure if he wants to find out. “Don’t - don’t forget why we’re here, ” He sputters, wriggling a little - Ren just massages his prostate again - oh yeah, that’s what it’s called - and any coherent thought flies out of his mind. 

He whines when Ren removes his fingers, wiping them carelessly on his sleep pants. He feels spent already, maybe it’s because of his knee or something but there’s a deep, strange satisfaction setting in just behind the thrum of arousal. 

Then, Ren shucks his pants off and it hits Ryuji that he’s about to bottom for the first time. 

“Shit, um,” Ryuji bites his lip, Ren hesitates as he scoots a little closer. Briefly, he considers dropping the safeword, but - no. He’s doing this. He wants to see Ren make the same expression he did when he and Ann - 

“Hey,” Ren’s warm hand slides up his chest. “It’s okay. You’re okay. I’ve got you.” 

Ren’s got me, Ryuji thinks warmly. “Just- be careful, man, I’ve still got a bionic brace I gotta wear and I am not going back to the hospital again.” 

“Don’t worry,” Ren smiles, eyes cast downwards - he brushes just the very tips of his fingers over Ryuji’s shaft and it’s enough stimulation to make him dizzy.

A blunt intrusion presents itself at Ryuji’s rear; bigger than the fingers, but not so angular. Ren’s got you, he tells himself again as the man above him braces himself on Ryuji’s good leg, dark eyes watching his expression as he guides himself forward. 

He starts to press inside, and the stretch is - 

It’s painful, it’s uncomfortable, it’s exquisite - Ryuji gasps, making a noise that sounds much more like a dying animal than any person, but Ren pays him no mind - when Ryuji finds himself able to open his eyes again, Ren’s expression is - 

Oh, wow. That’s - 

His eyes are half-lidded, every damned muscle in his body tense as he slowly, slowly slides inside of him. Red dusts his face, his chest, the tops of his shoulders - and, honestly? 

It might be the prettiest Ryuji’s ever seen him look. 

Ren bottoms out. Ryuji feels it, so strangely full and stretched and it’s like his body refuses to listen to him because he’s definitely, definitely getting off on this (as if he shouldn’t have been before, but before it was weird and now it’s just hot ). 

“Shit, Ryuji,” Ren is panting, trembling a little. His hips stutter a little - it’s like he wants to move, but he’s afraid to, afraid to hurt him and dammit, that just makes Ryuji feel all fragile and soft all over again. 

“Just move, or do somethin’, ” Ryuji whines and, yeah, he does feel a little helpless right now. Ren's gripping the thigh of his good leg with some force , maybe hard enough to leave a bruise, and… okay, maybe the idea of him leaving a mark behind is kind of hot, but Ren’s dick is inside him and it's so much, almost too much. He wonders - if he was able to tell his past self that this is where he would be as a poor barely-adult, would he believe him? 

Probably not. He'd probably laugh , honestly. Ryuji feels a little guilty about that. 

“ Fuck, you're tight,” Ren groans, tossing his head back, and Ryuji wishes he could take a picture, he's so perfectly stretched out above him and tense with arousal. 

“Y-yeah?” Ryuji can't help the way his voice wavers a little. “Everything you wanted it to be?” 

Ren looks down at him, looking a little confused even through the fog of arousal. “What- what do you mean?” 

“Uh, I mean - unh -” Ren shifts a little and Ryuji has to take a moment before he can form words again, “I thought, y’know, you had fun with *Ann* and that maybe you -” 

Ren finally moves, a sharp thrust in and out, grinding hard up against Ryuji's prostate and hoooly shit that's good. He takes the breath right out of him with moves like that. 

“What about Ann?” Ren asks, his tone colored with just the slightest touch of danger .

“I mean,” Ryuji's just speaking between gasps for breath, now, “I've topped before, but it looked like you - ah, fuck - liked topping her, and I thought you might want to -” 

“Ryuji.” 

He just now realizes his eyes have been closed. When he creaks them open, Ren is leaning over him, hips rocking gently into him like it's second nature as his hot breath rolls over Ryuji's face. 

“Ann is not a -” Ren thrusts hard , and Ryuji throws his head back with a breathy moan. “- Replacement for you. Get that through your head right now.” 

“ Unh- okay,” Ryuji can't not believe him when he says things like this with such intensity. That mask-off Ren intensity that makes him feel like he's standing on the edge of a cliff. 

“Good,” Ren purrs, satisfied as he trails his mouth across the soft skin of Ryuji's throat. “Do you want to stop?” 

Stop? “Fuck no,” Ryuji isn't about to give up now. Also, this feels pretty mind-blowingly good.

Ren's looking up at him with a very… serious expression. Ryuji swallows. It's the same look he got when he turned the tables on Ann, or when he had finished tying him up that one time. “Remind me of your safeword,” He says. 

“T-Tatsuya.” 

“Don't forget it,” Ren says with a tone that Ryuji has understood to mean that his best friend is about to blow his mind. 

Ren leaves his bad leg well enough alone, but apparently the rest of his body is fair game. He sits up, grabbing Ryuji's leg and hiking it effortlessly up over his shoulder. Has he always been that strong?  

The motion makes Ryuji tilt a little sideways, and oh, the ever-slight leftward curve of Ren’s cock has him grinding right there - Ryuji sucks in a sharp breath through clenched teeth, afraid of what noises he might make if he opens his mouth again. 

“C’mon, don't be like that,” Of course Ren picks up on it immediately. To punctuate, he thrusts deep, it feels like he's trying to split Ryuji in half in the best, hottest way possible. Without realizing it, his mouth is falling open and he's whining, moaning senselessly as it feels like Ren is on a mission to literally fuck the brains out of him. 

“ Fuck, Ryuji,” Oh, Ren must like that. It's not like he can stop , anyways - one of his roommate's hands clumsily fondles his balls and that really shouldn't feel as good as it does. 

“Ren-” Ryuji feels himself clenching and unclenching around him, pulsing with the rapid pace of his heart. 

“Holy shit, you're leaking so much, ” Ren breathes atop him - and fuck , did he really have to say it? Ryuji can feel it, a pool collecting on his stomach, he's so hard he feels like he could burst at even the smallest of touches. Embarrassed, he tilts his head away, afraid to look at him, afraid to see him - 

But Ren reaches down and grabs him roughly by the jaw, forcing his head straight. 

“Look at me.” 

Oh, Ryuji does. Ren is flushed and powerful and his entire expression is just want, need as he fucks him slowly, deliberately. 

“ Mine, ” He says, just like Ryuji had said that one night - it feels like a lifetime ago but oh, he remembers well. 

“ Fuck, ” Ryuji's trembling. Something feels like it's building, a weird drop in his stomach, and he wants Ren to know , wants him to see. “I'm all yours, Ren.” 

“Oh, fuck -” Ren’s thrusts don't have rhyme or reason to them anymore. It's just - it's blinding pleasure, in and out, and holy fuck he's gonna be so sore but it's gonna be so, so worth it because he gets to see Ren like this - 

It feels like he's getting socked in the stomach because - holy shit he's gonna come and Ren hasn't even touched him. 

“Shit - shit, shit, shit,” Ryuji's punctuating every thrust with a curse because he feels like every nerve in his body is exploding all at the same time. He is a goddamn supernova. “Holy shit, I'm gonna come-” 

The release is intense , maybe the most intense thing Ryuji has ever felt. Any bad memories about the spill that he took, the one that landed him in the hospital? They're all wiped away. The sound he makes probably wakes up their neighbors as he feels his cock pulse, wetness exploding on his stomach and it's not just him, it's Ren, too. 

Ren is wide-eyed, like his orgasm took him by surprise as he paints Ryuji's insides. Maybe he should be mad about it, but he did the same thing to Ren the first time they went all the way. Fair's fair, eye for an eye. 

Then, they both just… sit there, in dual disbelief about what just transpired. Ryuji's honestly kind of getting some strange sense of deja vu, because they've definitely been here before. Maybe not exactly like this, but… 

“You just keep blowing my mind,” Ren says and it's like he took the words right out of Ryuji's mouth. 

They shower together. Ryuji is sore as all hell, but it's less an annoyance and more a pleasant reminder as Ren washes his back and threads his fingers into his hair. Maybe he walks a little like a drunk penguin afterwards, but even so Ren doesn't say a damn word. 

They order in some ramen, and put on a shitty movie, and all is as it should be. 

“Hey, Ryuji?” 

“Hmm?” His mouth is currently full of noodles. Ren looks him in the eyes for a moment, then turns away. 

“...You're pretty great.” 

Ryuji swallows, feeling his face heat up a little. 

“You're… you're pretty great, too.”

Chapter Text

“So,” Ren leans over the kitchen counter as Ryuji fiddles with his brace - it’s been about a month, and according to the doctors he can move from his current brace to a more streamlined one before he starts physical therapy. Ryuji hasn’t seemed particularly pleased about PT - he didn’t exactly have the best experience with it the first time he fucked up his knee - but at least he’s agreeable to it. That’s neither here nor there, though - Ren’s got other things on his mind. “The agency asked us if we wanted to start streaming.” 

“Streaming?” Ryuji looks up from his awkward, crouched position. “Like, live?” 

“Yeah. It would be more than what we make now, but…” 

“More chance for us to blow our cover?” Ryuji whistles, screwing up his face a little as he undoes the fasteners for his brace. “Tempting, but dangerous.” 

“Exactly what I was thinking,” Ren nods. He was on the fence about the whole streaming thing in the first place, anyways. “I’ll get in touch with them and let them know we don’t-” 

“I’m in,” Ryuji interrupts him. 

“-Oh.” 

Ren’s a little surprised. He didn’t think Ryuji would want to do something like this - sure, he does still owe a lot of money in hospital bills, but streaming is a whole new ball game compared to what they’ve been doing. People would be watching them, in real time. It wouldn’t be carefully curated, cut content like their normal videos. Thinking on it, Ren worries at his lower lip, wondering if this is really a good idea. 

“What? You not want to?” Ryuji undoes another fastener. “Damn, that feels nice.” 

“I dunno. Seems like a big risk to take.” 

“Dude,” Ryuji laughs. “You work at a cafe, I work at Haru’s bakery. It’s not like either of us have some crazy career prospects.” 

He’s not wrong, though saying it that way does hurt a little. Life’s never perfect - Ryuji got shafted by his own body and he can’t run the way he used to, so a career in track is out. Ren’s, well… he’s not sure if he ever had anything he wanted to be growing up, but potentially taking over Leblanc one day sounds satisfying enough. A normal life, a good life. 

“What do you think Sojiro would say if he found out?” It’s mostly a joke, but there’s still worry at the back of his mind. 

“Have you met Boss? Like, actually?” Ryuji snorts. “I don’t think he’d give a flying fuck what you do in your free time, so long as it doesn’t come back to haunt him.” 

“Fair, I guess.” Ren sighs. Maybe he’s just apprehensive because… well, because he… 

He can barely form the thought in his head at this point, he’s so goddamn suppressed. The fact that what’s between him and Ryuji feels like more than ‘friends who fuck’. It’s intangible, impossible for Ren to grasp - not to mention he can’t risk ruining their friendship. 

“So, are you in or are you out - oh, fuck yes,” Ryuji cuts himself off as the brace finally pops off. His knee’s looking pretty good, actually. Bruised and a little swollen still, but way better than it did a month ago. He slides on the new brace with a grunt, giving his thigh a satisfactory little slap. “That feels so much better.” 

“Yeah?” Now, Ren’s just happy for him. At least he can walk normally again - or, at least, somewhat normally. “Glad to hear it.” 

“You never answered my question, dude.” 

“Oh- right.” Well, does Ren want to do it or not? It sounds like it could be fun, not to mention good money, but at the same time… there’s a live chat. They might ask questions. Questions neither of them may be willing to answer. Is he prepared for that? 

…Ren decides that he’ll figure it out on the fly. Burn that bridge when they get there, right? 

“Yeah, sure. I’m in.” 

“For real?” Ryuji pumps a fist. “Fuck yes! I’ll have those bills paid back in no time.” 

“It would be faster if you didn’t make us split the cash.” 

“I’m not gonna split it, dude.” His roommate shakes his head stubbornly, laughing a little to himself. “I ain’t no moocher.” 

“Fine, fine,” Ren’s debated with him enough about this to know he’s not budging. No point in dredging up the same old arguments over and over. 

So, they’re gonna be streaming now. 

Guess they’ll both just have to see how this goes. 

---

It goes, approximately, like Ren’s worst fucking nightmare. 

He thought it might just be the two of them taking user requests, but - nope, the very first stream the agency wants them to do is a Q&A. Of course, it has to have talking involved - of course, they’re going to ask all these uncomfortable questions, and of course he and Ryuji are probably going to both tiptoe around them like the cowards they are. 

Ren sighs, as he sits down in front of their shiny-new camera. They’ve finally upgraded from his phone to a real, bonafide video camera, set up to stream to Ren’s old laptop - which now rests on the floor in front of them so they can read the chat. Ryuji’s in the shower - Ren can hear him toweling himself off as he adjusts the camera’s angle. 

Maybe he should have just said no.  

“What time is it?” Ryuji asks as he barrels out of the bathroom, hopping one-legged into his knee brace and then into his sweats.

“Two til,” Ren calls back. “Better hurry.”

It’s easy to hide his nervousness, especially behind the mask he now wears in lieu of editing their faces out of their content. It doesn’t change the fact that he is nervous, though, bouncing his leg to try and relieve himself of excess energy as the clock slowly ticks closer to the top of the hour. 

Just - please, dear god , don’t let any of these freaks ask any weird questions. 

Ryuji sits down next to him just as the stream is scheduled to begin. “Here,” He says, breathless, as he adjusts his mask on his face. 

“Looks like we’re live,” Ren says as he leans over his computer and gets things started. At first, there’s just awkward, tense silence - Ryuji pats his hands on his knees, Ren sits back a little and watches the chat carefully. 

Then, the viewcount explodes. One hundred, then two hundred, then - 

“Holy shit!” Ryuji grins. “Didn’t expect such a warm welcome.” 

The scream caps out at just around five-hundred people and Ren feels like he’s gonna be sick. 

Immediately, the chat starts rolling in - Ryuji squints a little to read it. Ren can’t wear his glasses with the mask, so his roommate’s gonna have to be the one to pick out the questions. He can at least introduce them, though… 

“Thanks for tuning in,” Ren says haltingly. It just feels like he’s just sitting here talking to himself like a crazy person - not hundreds of people on their computers. “I’m Joker, and this is Skull. We were asked to do a Q&A for our first stream, so… here we are.” 

The chat floods with emojis; Ryuji looks like he’s having the time of his life as he scrolls through all the messages. “Oh, here’s one!” He clears his throat as he reads it off. “Joker, how tall are you?” 

“Oh - we’re just gonna start now? Okay,” Ren laughs nervously. At least it’s kind of a softball. “I’m a little over six feet. Skull’s, what, a couple centimeters shorter?” 

“Only a couple, ” He protests, biting his lip as he reads through more messages. Ryuji is definitely in his element, here - he’s good in front of large groups of people, used to being the center of attention for better or for worse, but Ren’s not . He doesn’t like being… perceived. That’s probably another part of why he’s so damned nervous about this. 

“Now they’re askin’ us… how we got started doing this whole thing,” Ryuji mutters, before sitting up and clapping his hands together. “I’ll answer this one! You okay with that?” 

He turns back questioningly; Ren nods, more than happy to stay quiet and let his friend-slash-costar do all the talking. Ryuji shuffles a little where he’s sitting, making himself comfortable. “So, I had just lost my job, and this guy -” He jerks a thumb back at Ren, “Comes home with an ad for some boy’s love filming thing. I didn’t really know much about it, but I figured - hey, might as well try and make some cash while I’m looking for another job, right? It ended up being pretty fun, so we kept makin’ the videos, and now we’re here.” 

Well, as good of an explanation as any. Ren coached Ryuji on not letting anything personal slip before they started - evidently, it worked because he’s almost being a little too vague. 

“Oh,” Ryuji leans in again to read, looking pensive. “How big are our dicks?” 

“Honestly? No idea.” Ren’s never measured his own - he knows he’s a little smaller than Ryuji but not much more than that. 

“I don’t think I’ve measured it since high school,” Ryuji chuckles a little to himself. “If I’m rememberin’ correctly, I was somewhere around 17 centimeters? I dunno.” 

“Probably puts me at fifteen or sixteen,” Ren replies, if only because otherwise the chat will probably hound him about it endlessly. “Next question?” 

“Yeah - oh,” Ryuji makes an odd expression. “Asking us how long we’ve been together.” 

Oh, no. Here come the uncomfortable questions. “Um, like, how long we’ve known each other?” Ren asks, playing dumb. “I dunno. Many years, I’m not sure how long exactly.” 

“No, I think -” Ryuji barks out a little laugh, like it’s the funniest thing in the world, and Ren’s heart sinks into a great pit that is opening in his stomach. “I think they think we’re datin’ or something, ha.” 

Words fail to materialize in Ren’s brain; Ryuji just keeps digging deeper . “Ha! Dating. That’s funny,” He says, which might have been the worst possible thing to say in this situation. Ren resists the urge to smack himself on the forehead. 

The chat goes wild at that; Ren wants to crawl into a hole and die. “I mean,” Ryuji continues, “Sure, we might fuck for y’alls viewing pleasure, but… romantic shit?” He pulls a face. “Nah. I’m okay, I think.” 

Oh. Well, any dreams of Ren potentially putting those nice clothes Ann got him to use are circling the drain. That… that kind of hurts, in a way Ren can’t describe. Like Ryuji just punched a bouquet-shaped hole in his heart. 

Trying to stay chipper, Ren pushes Ryuji away - bad eyesight be damned, he’s picking his own question now - and, dammit, they’re all uncomfortable ones. Just pick one, just pick one… “When did you guys realize you were gay?” Fuck, wrong one. Maybe worst one, even.   

“Gay?” Ren’s incredulous laugh is maybe a little too loud. “Neither of us are gay.”

The chat’s moving at a million miles an hour; Ryuji’s face is a little pink as he clears his throat to answer. “We don’t really like labels like that. Like - outside of this room? I’m a straight guy. That’s just how it is.” 

Despite himself, Ren feels like his heart is breaking a little. 

They’ve never talked about sexuality, but - Ryuji is straight. Maybe he’s just playing it up for the camera, maybe he doesn’t actually feel that way, but - what if he’s telling the truth? 

“Next question,” Ren chokes out. 

Either Ryuji doesn't notice his reaction or he chooses not to comment on it, because he just leans back in to read more of the chat. “Uh… They're askin’ if we can do stuff.” 

Doing stuff? Instead of talking? Sounds positively divine. “What kind of stuff?” 

“Well, I guess we've never kissed in a video,” Ryuji turns to him, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly. “So they wanna see that.” 

“Kissing?” Ren snorts. What a silly thing to ask for, but hey - if that's what the people want , then…

Well, they haven’t actually kissed that much before. There was that one time, when Ren was drunk and Ryuji kissed him to shut him up, and there’s maybe been a handful of times after that, but definitely never on film. Maybe that’s why their viewers want to see it so badly. 

Before Ren can realize, Ryuji is leaning forward - their masks bump painfully against one another as their mouths connect. It’s… warm, and wet, and Ryuji’s lips are so soft . Despite everything his roommate said before, about being straight and about not being interested in romance- things that make Ren, for some reason, feel sad - Ren could, honestly, be in heaven right now. With a soft sigh, he tangles a hand in his roommate’s hair, and soon Ryuji is practically on top of him, pressing Ren down into the futon. 

Ryuji bites and sucks at his lower lip; Ren gasps, and when their tongues brush together it feels like electricity up his spine. His hands hover at Ryuji’s sides - he wants to touch him, wants more - 

But as quickly as it began, Ryuji is pulling away and wiping his mouth and it’s over. The chat seems half-disappointed, half-ready to move on - some are a little angry they didn’t keep going but others are still popping more questions here and there, from what Ren can tell with his limited sight sans-glasses.

Without thinking, he touches his lips with his fingers, now a little swollen from the way Ryuji basically attacked him just before. “There, we kissed,” Ryuji crosses his arms over his chest, like - like that was just something to get over with, like it was nothing . “Next question - let’s see…” 

Ren’s hardly listening, too caught up in some vicious internal cycle of self-loathing and doubt, but he forces himself to pay attention when Ryuji speaks again. “Joker, they wanna know how old we are.”

“Old enough to drink,” Ren says flatly, in a sour mood now and also unwilling to reveal any more than that.

“Works for me,” Ryuji grins. “Um… do we work out?” He seems to think to himself for a second, before launching into a little monologue about his routine, how he maintains his figure, et cetera - all things that normally Ren will sit through in interest, but right now he can’t be assed to care because it feels like he’s more of an accessory here. An object, a vehicle through which Ryuji can pay back his monstrous medical debt, where getting his rocks off is just a perk of the arrangement.

Does Ryuji even care about him? 

Fuck, Ren admonishes himself, running a hand through his hair. Why is that even a question?

Of course he does. 

Just… maybe not in the way Ren wants him to, but he still doesn’t even know what way that is. 

“Joker,” Ryuji cuts through his thoughts - when Ren looks up, his friend’s wearing a concerned expression - even with the mask he can see the look in Ryuji’s eyes, the furrow in his brow. “You alright? You zoned out there for a sec.” 

“Mm. Fine.” Ren leans in to squint at the chat again, hoping, praying that there might be some other distraction - and there is . Maybe it’s stupid, maybe it’ll break this more than it has already been in the last fifteen minutes, but frankly Ren’s not really sure he cares right now. 

“They’re wondering why you’ve never bottomed on camera before,” Ren says lecherously, narrowing his eyes as he looks over to him. If Ryuji doesn’t want to be his… well, fuck it, Ren will make him his. For one moment. One stream. One night. 

Ryuji’s eyes go wide, his face reddens. “Um -” He barks out a little laugh, taken aback by the question. “I mean, I figured on camera, Joker’s the bottom and I’m the top…?” 

Oh, no. He’s not getting out of this that easily. “Pretty sure we’ve mentioned being switches in videos before,” Ren says coolly. “Why is that, hm? Too afraid to bare it all for our precious viewers?” 

Ryuji sputters; the chat’s going insane, emojis all over the place, eggplants abound. “What?” He asks incredulously, but he’s giving Ren a look that says he’s absolutely going to kill him after this. “I’m not afraid , I just - it never seemed like a good time, alright? Jeez. ” 

“Well,” Ren leans back and he can’t help but notice the way Ryuji’s eyes travel down his body in appreciation. “Now’s as good a time as any.” 

“ What? ” 

“C’mon,” Ren reaches up, grabs his chin, forces Ryuji closer. “Don’t tell me you’re gonna pussy out.” 

Ryuji’s expression is dually aroused and terrified. The bulge in his sweats is telling, but he looks like a deer in the headlights, frozen in place. Pulling Ryuji close enough that the cameras can’t hear, Ren whispers, “Just say the word and I’ll stop.” 

Ryuji just bites his lip; of course he doesn’t want to stop. He thinks more with the head in his pants than the one on his shoulders. Maybe Ryuji should have thought about that before he… before he said he was straight and made Ren feel like all of this has been worthless, that there’s nothing between them, that the late nights drinking bad beer on their balcony, lazily cuddling and touching one another was just a fluke.  

Ren’s tired of feeling like he’s just a means to an end. He’ll show Ryuji right now. 

“Alright, friends of the jury,” Ren announces grandly. “What angle would be best for you to get a look at this?” 

The chat scrolls near-endlessly; Ren squints at it as his grin grows wider and wider. “Hmm. Ass to the camera seems like a good start.” 

“ Huh?! ” Ryuji balks, his face going beet-red. “Wait, when you said bare it all did you really mean-” 

“Guess I did,” Ren says gruffly - he’s still mindful of his knee when he pushes Ryuji over onto all-fours, but the motion is still rough, uncaring. If Ryuji wants to act like this is all just for the money, Ren will, too. He’ll put on a good damn show. 

He brings down a hand on Ryuji’s ass, swatting it - he yelps , but he can’t hide the redness of his face and the twitching of his cock in his sweats. He’s into this - he likes the shame, doesn’t he? That embarrassing little nugget of truth dawns on Ren and he licks his lips hungrily. Oh, this is going to be fun.  

“Scooch over,” Ren instructs, and Ryuji does so - as Ren checks the feed, he’s got a good forty-five degree angle, a lovely semiprofile of his ass as Ryuji arches his back and drops his upper half lower. He is now face-down, ass-up on the futon. Perfect.  

Ryuji’s always had a nice ass - perfectly proportional, just a little bit bubbly, enough to fill out his jeans comfortably - but Ren’s never been able to appreciate it quite like this. Two different angles in stereo, the camera and his own point of view, as well as the stream’s chat chittering in anticipation. The agency’s moderators have already stepped in, removing various messages, and Ren wonders how filthy the things they were saying actually were. 

With a smooth, swift motion, Ren tugs Ryuji’s sweats down to his knees. Ryuji makes a soft sound of protest, but he doesn’t move a muscle even as his ass is bared on camera. “Oh, commando, huh?” Ren teases, running a possessive hand down the back of his thigh. 

“You knew I was-” Ryuji starts to argue but a sharp swat to his ass has him clamping his mouth down on a whine. 

“And shaven, too.” Ren chuckles darkly; Ryuji shivers. “Wonder why that is. Were you expecting this?” 

“Hey, you made me shave - ah!” This time, less of a swat and more of a full-on spank ; a sick satisfaction curls its way into Ren’s belly as Ryuji’s dick bobs, precome dribbling onto the sheets below. When Ryuji speaks again, his voice is strained, weak, desperate. “What’s gotten into you?” 

“Just trying to give our fans what they want,” Ren replies smugly; Ryuji groans, shaking his head, but makes no move to end this little scene. Well, if he’s not wanting to stop now then Ren’ll just have to lean into it. Make him break. Make him feel like he’s the one being used here if he wants to keep playing with Ren’s feelings like he did before. 

“They really wanna see me like this? ” Ryuji gasps out as Ren idly strokes a hand over the head of his cock.

“By the look of the chat? Definitely,” Ren pulls his hand away from Ryuji’s erection to trace his pointer finger up his perineum. “Also, did I say you could talk?” 

Ryuji doesn’t even ask any questions. The premise is now established; Ren’s in charge here, Ryuji is at his mercy. This feels much better than it should, to… to punish him like this. To show him what it feels like. He leaves Ryuji where he is for now, holding a finger up to the camera as he gets up. 

“What- where are you goin’?!” Ryuji asks and Ren frowns, stopping for just a moment to lean down and grip Ryuji’s hair roughly, turning his head forcibly to the side just so he can see the expression of disgust and disappointment on Ren’s face. 

“Don’t test me,” Ren says softly, dangerously.

Ryuji swallows, eyes dilating for just a split-second - then he nods, exhaling slowly when Ren releases his hair and leaves the frame of the camera to grab what he’s looking for. 

When he returns, it’s with a bottle of lube in one hand, the vibrator in the other - needing a way to secure it, he has also brought a small roll of ‘tape’ with him. Another gift from the agency, after they uploaded the pictures of his shibari work - it has a looser hold, better for sticking on skin without leaving residue or causing pain when removed. That’ll be especially important here in a minute…

Ren dangles the vibe in front of the camera; the chat seems a little worried about where it’s going and he laughs a little, shaking his head. “Don’t worry, this isn’t going inside anyone,” He tells them. “Just a little extra… temptation. ” 

“What’s going inside where?!” Ryuji can’t seem to help himself - idly, Ren thinks he’s always had trouble keeping his mouth shut. He smacks his ass again and Ryuji’s hips cant forwards as he moans into the pillow he’s gripping for dear life.

“I need to gag him, I swear,” Ren mutters to himself as he works, pulling the cellophane packaging off of the roll of tape and testing its stickiness, its breakage potential. Once he is satisfied, he slides down on his side (so that he’s still in frame, of course) and reaches up to secure the little bullet vibe right beneath the head of Ryuji’s cock, tape keeping it firmly in place. 

“Perfect,” Ren purrs, and Ryuji just whines, rolling his hips a little at the sensation. His dick bobs a little lower now with the extra weight, and he must notice because he pauses in his movements, reaching back experimentally. 

Ren swats his hand away. “I can tolerate your little outbursts, but touch yourself and it’s all over. Understood?”

Shit, it’s hot how easily he gives in, just nodding weakly and going limp once more. Honestly, Ren thinks Ryuji is beautiful like this - all flushed and bare and shivering, waiting for Ren to touch him. Who knew he was so fun to put in his place? 

Ren picks up the remote, holding it up to the camera before inspecting the buttons. One for different modes, two to increase or decrease the intensity. Hmm, so many options… “We’ll start low for now,” He says to the camera with an impish grin, hitting the button. 

“ Hhhnn, ” Ryuji groans. Ren’s choosing not to look right now, sort of… liking the view he sees in the camera more, and the flippancy of it makes him satisfied that Ryuji’s learning his lesson. His own flushed, hungry expression, Ryuji half-prone behind him and rocking his hips into nothing but air. His cock twitches against the vibrator, making it bob deliciously, smacking briefly against his stomach and leaving a trail of wetness against the skin. 

“So, friends,” Ren backs up a little to sit cross-legged next to Ryuji, drumming his fingers on his ass. “What now, hm?” 

The resounding answer is ‘finger his ass, you tease,’ so Ren works on doing just that, grabbing the lube… but then, another potential plan of attack comes to mind, just one suggestion that soon takes over the entire chatbox and oh, hell yeah.  

Ren’s eaten plenty of pussy before. Ass shouldn’t be too different, right? He knows Ryuji’s clean, he’s made a meticulous habit of scrubbing himself near-raw in the shower ever since they started filming way back when. So, without pause, Ren leans in to roughly grab Ryuji’s rear with both hands, spreading him just enough that he can lean in and just barely tease his tongue against the rim. 

Ryuji jerks, shouting in surprise - Ren just holds him fast, and when he presses his tongue against him proper all he can hear is a muffled moan into the pillow, Ryuji’s hips rocking back to meet him, stuttering as he traces his tongue around. It definitely seems to be relaxing him - frankly, Ren wasn’t sure he would be able to relax enough to do this on camera - but as he pulls away, chin and mouth slicked with spit, Ryuji is positively shivering with need. 

Oh, yeah. That’s a good look for him. 

“R- Joker, ” Ryuji barely stops himself in time; Ren sighs with satisfaction, unable to help pawing at his own erection through his boxers at the sight of him. “Holy shit…” 

“As I’m sure you know,” Ren talks to the stream, “If you saw our little video with the guest star, I like to think I’m pretty good with my mouth. What do you think, Skull?” 

“ Mmffghh-mhmm, ” Ryuji manages to grit out as Ren trails a newly-lube slicked finger around his hole. The chat is positively feral, foaming at the mouth and urging Ren to just get on with it already. 

“Alright, alright,” Ren rolls his eyes, pressing a finger inside - it slides in so easily, Ryuji’s so hungry and so ready for him - he gets all the way up to his last knuckle before he hears the man groan a little in discomfort. 

“Wow, that was easier than last time,” Ren murmurs. The chat goes haywire - you’ve done this before?? - and he smiles, tilting his head towards the camera as he slowly moves that finger in and out, palm resting gently against the cleft of Ryuji’s supple ass.

“Yeah - once. Took him like a week to work up the gumption to ask.” Ren hooks his finger on Ryuji’s rim on the outstroke, gaping him just so and mmm, that’s a good look on him. Ryuji’s a mess - drooling pre onto the bed, the vibe softly humming against his pulsing erection. “I even got him to come without touching his dick, if you’d believe it.” 

The viewers are now chanting for him to put another finger in, and who is Ren to displease them? He lubes up a second digit, pressing it in alongside the first, scissoring them and humming gently along to the string of curses and moans that leave Ryuji’s mouth as he does.

“Should I punish him for being so loud?” Ren wonders aloud; the viewers tell him no, they want to hear him and fuck, he does, too. 

“Alright. Let’s make him sing.” 

Ren is not gentle with his fingers - he slides them in as far as they’ll go and now, of course, Ryuji is frustratingly quiet. What a little shit, Ren thinks to himself, a little surprised he’s even still trying to fight back - but then Ren curls his fingers and oh, does he sing. 

“ Fu-uuuck, ” Ryuji outright keens into the pillow, and Ren chuckles breathily - this is better than the best porno he’s ever seen, better even than the fantasies that float through his head late in the night. He didn’t think Ryuji was even capable of making noises like these, as he whines and whimpers and moans as Ren massages his prostate. 

“So eager to please,” Ren hums, pleased. “Don’t you think he’s kind of like a puppy?” 

Ryuji shivers , like he didn’t know Ren saying that would do things to him. Lines of people saying ‘golden retriever energy’ and ‘a very good puppy’, among other things, flood the chat - Ren kind of wishes Ryuji could see it, but the man’s a little… preoccupied at present. 

“Didn’t think you’d be into petplay, Skull,” Ren teases. 

“M’ not- uhnn- ” Ren doesn’t let him finish that sentence as he clicks the vibrator up a notch. He’s pulsing around him, trying to drag in more length that isn’t there, grinding his hips backwards as he seeks more stimulation. 

“Oh, bullshit. Last time I called you a good boy you were falling all over me. Figuratively,” Ren adds, because Ryuji was tied up and indisposed at the time. Surely, the chat is probably freaking out over that, but he’s not about to squint at it again. Instead, he just pistons his fingers in and out, stretching Ryuji until he’s soft and pliant.

“C’mon,” Ren urges, curling his fingers, “Be a good boy and sing for me.”

“ H-huuh- ” Ryuji coughs, his body convulsing. “Fucking hell- holy shit, don’t stop.” 

Exactly what Ren wanted to hear. “Fuck,” he murmurs under his breath, trying to worm his boxers off one-handed because he needs to be inside him, needs to fuck him until he can’t breathe and until all Ryuji can think about his his name, his face, his cock inside him. 

Ryuji says he’s straight? What a bold-faced lie, when he’s laying here greedily taking Ren’s fingers on camera like he was made for it. He says he doesn’t like romance? Well, he certainly likes it when Ren runs his free hand down his back, soothing him, before threading his fingers in his hair and tugging to force his head back and out of the pillow. 

“ Shit, ” Ryuji chokes out, unmuffled. Ren just smirks, very much enjoying the strangled, frustrated sound he makes when the fingers are removed. 

“What,” Ren goads as he gets up on his knees. “You want something?” He wants to hear it, wants to know.  

“ Uhn, ” Ryuji fists his hands in the comforter. “Don’t make me say it, just, fuck- please- ” 

“Come on,” Somehow, Ren’s able to uncap the lube one-handed and drizzle a liberal amount onto his cock, groaning a little as he slicks himself up and teases against Ryuji’s entrance. “Say it. Tell me what you want.” 

“Fuck - please- please just fuck me-” 

It’s enough. It’s enough to release the binds on Ren’s heart, just to know that he’s wanted even if there’s still a gnawing fear that Ryuji doesn’t want him in the way Ren might desire. It’s enough to have him slipping inside, hilting himself in one fell swoop because Ryuji is so wanting and needy and ready , and once his hips are pressed against Ryuji’s ass he stops, panting into the quiet room as Ryuji trembles against him. 

“M-move,” He says below him. “Please.” 

“I dunno,” Ren’s breathless, but he can’t help himself. “Should I move?” 

“ Please, ” Ryuji repeats. His cock throbs , and Ren finally relents. 

This isn’t him trying to make Ryuji feel good. No - this is about showing him what he wants, showing him that Ren isn’t just a toy or an accessory to his desire. This is about being angry at him for saying what he did, for being such an impossible shithead sometimes , and Ren fucks into him like it’s the last time he’ll ever get to experience this sweet warmth, this impossible tightness. It’s hard, it’s fast, it’s goddamn ruthless but Ren couldn’t give a damn right now. This is about comeuppance.  

“H-holy shit, holy shit- ” Ryuji cries out - the muscles of his back flex as he grips the futon and Ren could count every one of them, could stop and map them with his fingers, commit them to memory if he, god forbid, loses him one day. “Don’t stop - oh my god, fuck- ” 

“Goddamn, this is a good look on you,” Ren purrs, but things are beginning to feel strained. He’s closer than he thought he was, after all this relentless teasing. Maybe their viewers will make fun of him for it, but there’s no way he’s slowing down now. Instead, he fumbles on the floor for the remote, hits it about a hundred times, wanting it to go as high as it’ll let him - the sound of it increases greatly in volume and Ryuji gasps, unable to produce more than a hitched, choked sound as his cock pulses with the vibration. 

“Fuck,” Ren grits out. He’s close, he’s so damned close, but he can’t - he can’t come before him, has to hold it off for just a little longer - 

Thankfully, he doesn’t have to. Ryuji’s entire body seems to tense, the tightness around the base of Ren’s cock near-painful as his lover throws his head back, open-mouthed as his cock twitches once, twice, and then paints the sheets with his release. It’s like the breath that was caught in his throat releases - as soon as Ren lets go of his hair Ryuji’s burying his face in the pillow with a moan, thighs twitching with overstimulation. 

Ren, too, thrusts a few more times - and he’s done, he can’t - all of his anger and vitriol evaporates away for one brief, blissful moment as he comes, emptying himself inside of his friend and rocking through the aftershocks, leaning his head back and closing his eyes as he just basks in the satisfaction of release. 

Ryuji is whimpering softly; Ren quickly turns the vibe off, reaching around to release it from his quickly-softening cock. The sheets are already ruined, so Ren just pulls slowly out of him, watching with satisfaction as some of his own release oozes out as he does. 

Then, Ryuji’s knees give out and he collapses onto the bed, so totally and wholly spent that he only has a few moments looking sidelong up at the ceiling, dazed, before he closes his eyes and rests.  

Ren would be concerned about him passing out, but Ryuji’s always gotten pretty sleepy after sex; today seems to be no different, especially with how long Ren teased him for. Stroking his hip affectionately, he turns to the camera - for a moment, he almost forgot they were live. The chat’s died down a bit now, but there are still questions and Ren realizes they still have a few minutes left in the stream. 

“Him?” Ren jerks his thumb back at Ryuji in response to their viewers’ worries. “Oh, he’s fine. This happens sometimes.” 

One of them asks again if they’re gay, and Ren rolls his eyes. At least - well, it’s not like this is being recorded permanently. Ryuji’s down for the count. Maybe he can speak a little more freely. “ I’m not, that’s for sure, but I don’t know if I need to put a label on it. I like women, I like men. Does it matter?” 

They ask him about Ryuji, and Ren shrugs. “I dunno. That’s up to him to decide, I guess. I’m sure most of you know that being out in this country doesn’t make things any easier for you.” 

Then, they ask if he was angry earlier. Evidently, they saw right through him. “Maybe a little, but it’s not important.” Not important to them, anyways. “You all got to see the aftermath, though, so was it so bad?” 

The answer is a resounding ‘no’; Ren smiles, satisfied, leaning back a little to look up at the ceiling. “Good,” He murmurs. “Well, our time here’s just about up. Not sure when we’ll stream again, or if we will, so…” 

The viewers immediately beg them to schedule another stream. Ren sighs, shaking his head. “I gotta make sure Skull’s on board first. Don’t worry, you all will be first to know if we do. Promise.” 

With that, the stream time is up - Ren closes the connection with a sigh, bringing his knees to his chest despite the stickiness as he looks over at Ryuji’s sleeping form. 

First, he checks his knee out of habit - looks fine - and then the guilt sets in, like a terrible poison spreading in his heart. Ryuji never safeworded out, that’s for sure, but did he feel like he even could? Ren swallows. 

He doesn’t want to, but he needs to talk to someone about this. He can’t let all of this… whatever this is… he can’t let it fester anymore. It’s going to end up killing him inside. 

For now, though, he is content to sit there with the object of his desire for just a few more moments - enjoy the quiet, peaceful sound of Ryuji’s breathing as he wonders just what the hell he’s going to do.

Chapter Text

[11/20 6:50] Futaba: rennnnnnnnnnnn

[11/20 6:50] Futaba: ren. 

[11/20 6:51] Futaba: ren i swear to god wake up

Ren's phone is going off much-too incessantly for it being so early in the morning. Groaning, he rolls over, reaching over Ryuji to grab it off the charger, blinking blearily at the screen. 

[11/20 6:53] Ren: what 

[11/20 6:53] Futaba: u work today?

[11/20 6:54] Ren: yeah but not til 10 why 

[11/20 6:55] Futaba: well ur up now just come in!!!!! 

[11/20 6:55] Futaba: m here for the weekend i wanna see youuuuuu

[11/20 6:56] Futaba: i have many questions for you 

[11/20 6:56] Futaba: >:) 

Ren groans, smacking himself hard on the forehead. He totally forgot Futaba was gonna be here this weekend, visiting from college. She found a little apartment up north, near her school, so she doesn't get much time to travel home - he’d look like an asshole if he didn’t show. He should probably get down there - who knows when he'll see her again? She's notoriously bad at staying in touch in any normal capacity…

Scrubbing his face with his free hand, he sits up, waiting for a moment as the world slowly rights itself around him. Ryuji was asleep, but now that Ren’s up he’s shifting a little, creaking open his eyes and hissing a little at the morning light filtering through the curtains on their balcony door. 

“Whazzat?” He slurs. 

“Gonna go into work early,” Ren murmurs. “Futaba’s in town.”

“Mmmmhgm,” Ryuji just mumbles something intelligible to himself before rolling over and going back to sleep. 

Ren sighs. Things between them have been… awkward lately, to say the least. Tense. They’re still streaming, sure, but whereas before they were attached at the hip it feels like they’re unintentionally keeping each other at arm’s length now. 

The first stream freaked them both out, for a litany of reasons. Ryuji cornered Ren afterwards and told him he’d kick his ass if he pulled something like that again, and even though he sounded serious it felt more like he was trying to protect his ego than anything else. Not to mention all the uncomfortable questions they were forced to face. 

The fact that Ryuji still thinks of himself as straight echoes in his mind. It’s absurd, right? Like - how? They’ve been fucking almost on the daily for months now, surely he can’t have that level of cognitive dissonance for that long. 

Well, homophobia is a hell of a drug, especially when you’re raised in it, shown time and time again that these kinds of relationships aren’t anything more than sex, taught that without a man and a woman running a household society will surely begin to fall apart at the seams. Maybe Ren didn’t get as much of that, with his relatively-isolated early childhood in the countryside - there’s not so much pressure to conform when you live so far out in the middle of nowhere, and his grandparents didn’t really care what Ren was doing so long as he wasn’t getting himself into trouble. 

Maybe that’s attributed to him being the maladjusted, emotionally constipated adult Ren is now, he doesn’t know. 

He dresses quickly, throwing on that trenchcoat Ann bought him (at least he can wear this on the daily, unlike the rest of the outfit) and he ventures out into the frigid morning, Ryuji still on his mind. 

On the train over to Yongen, he just gets more and more and more worked up about it, to the point he feels like he’s going to explode and yell about just how gay his best friend is in the middle of Shibuya Station Square. He’s such - he’s such an asshole sometimes without knowing it - so oblivious to other people’s feelings - 

But does Ren even know his own feelings? 

He’s not gay, but he’s certainly not straight , either. Ren feels at home with Ryuji, had felt like he’d lost a part of himself when he got hurt, and he feels like everything is just right with the world when they spend time together, whether it be under the sheets or no. 

It’s complicated. Him and his best friend walk a thin tightrope between having to admit things that could shatter their perception of themselves, or walking away from this altogether. Most of all, Ren just doesn’t want to lose his best friend. 

“Ren!” 

As soon as he walks into Leblanc (he’s here already? That was fast) he’s being outright tackled by one Futaba Sakura, her face burying into his shoulder for just a moment before she pulls away. “Hey, dude. I’ve missed you.” 

No matter how much is on his mind, it is good to see Futaba. She’s changed a lot - no longer a young girl afraid of the outside world (she might be a little too unafraid of it, honestly, she’s become a bit of an adrenaline junkie), she definitely feels more like an adult now than she ever has. He chuckles a little, pushing at her in an effort to get her to unglue.  

“Missed you too, Futaba.” 

She grins at him. She used to wear her hair long, but since graduating high school she took on the age-old ritual of cutting one’s hair to signify change and has cropped it short - a messy bob resting just under her chin, not unlike the way her late mother used to wear her own hair. It suits her, Ren decides. She already looks like a budding scientist, with that haircut and those overlarge glasses. 

“How’ve you been?” She asks, and… that’s kind of a loaded question. Ren looks around the cafe - looks like Futaba’s watching the shop this morning, because Sojiro isn’t here. “Oh, he’s asleep at home,” Futaba explains. “I kind of kept him up half the night catching him up on my stuff.” 

“Ah.” So that’s why Futaba wanted him to come in so bad. Sojiro better give him some overtime for this… He rounds the bar, starting to set things up - Futaba has taken care of some of it, but there’s a handful of things that still need tending to. 

“What, you just gonna ignore my question?” 

Ren shrugs. “Been fine, I guess.” If fine can be defined by him avoiding his best friend because he’s deathly afraid of making any more mistakes, then he’s just peachy.  

“Hmm.” Futaba narrows her eyes, clambering up onto one of the stools, perching herself atop it and extending a hand in a ‘gimme’ motion. Ren rolls his eyes and brews her a quick americano (her favorite), sliding it across the bar to her.

She takes a deep sip, lashes fluttering closed, and when she sets the mug back down she exhales in satisfaction. “Oh, I missed this coffee,” She says blissfully. “The coffee shop on campus is terrible, I’m telling you.” 

“Yeah?” Ren laughs a little to himself. If anything, he’s glad Futaba is doing well. She seems a lot less nervy about college now that she’s actually doing it. For a while, she was really afraid of leaving home - it’s why she took some time away from school to work at Haru’s bakery - but Ren’s glad she finally decided to take the plunge, so to speak.

“Mm. So. You and Ryuji.” 

Ren whips his head up to stare at her. “Huh?” 

Futaba snatches a toothpick off the little cup on the counter, unwrapping it and picking at her teeth as she slings one of her booted feet up onto the bar. Ren gives her a look; she doesn’t budge. “What, you think I wasn’t keeping tabs on you?” 

Ren narrows his eyes at her. “How long have you known?”

“Oh,” Futaba waves a hand. “Since the start. I recognize you guys right away by that-” 

“-Tear in the wall, I know,” Ren waves a hand, sighing. It seems both her and Ann picked up on that little unintentional tell. It’s since been patched, only a small unevenness to the wall any evidence of its prior existence. 

“Yeah - how did you know?” 

“Lucky guess,” Ren says flatly. “So. What about it?”

Futaba shrugs. “I’unno. Looks like you’re having fun. I don’t see you like that often, so…” 

“Yeah, I guess.” Maybe he’s in a bit of a sour mood about the whole thing right now. He just doesn’t know where to go from here, he’s so… tangled up inside. He can’t lie and say that the things Ryuji said didn’t hurt him, at least a little - whether he was playing things up for the camera or not. The most frustrating part is that Ren has no idea why. 

“You guess.” Futaba’s tone is flat, her expression bored as she leans her upper half onto the bar, too, foot bobbing a little as it dangles over the edge.

“...Yeah?” What does Futaba even want from him? Yeah, it’s sweet that she’s noticed he’s living his best life or whatever - but she’s acting like he should be putting all his cards on the table or something when Ren doesn’t even know what game she’s playing.