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Chapter Text

Adam and Alice didn't know each other at all from nowhere, despite living in the same city. One random night, in a wealthy neighborhood in Los Angeles, there was a party being thrown. The music was blasting from the inside. You could hear it from the outside. Inside, people were hanging out, talking, dancing, drinking, smoking, and doing drugs. A red-dyed medium-length hair guy was leaning against the counter close to the kitchen when suddenly a slim brunette guy approached him.

Adam

"Hey, man,"

(Adam approaches Alice at the party, handing him a drink.)

"How've you been?"

Everyone knew Adam, A coke junkie who fucked girls raw non-stop, a complete party guy who didn't care about shoving coke each time he had the opportunity. Alice, the red-haired, was dragged to this shitty party.

Maybe for everyone around, it was an amazing party: Alcohol, drugs, smoke, vape, and sex. Alice didn't do any of those things at all. He never tried it and promised himself he never will. He looked up to Adam, he learned of him because of his girl friend, who talked about him the whole way to the party nonstop. So, he had a notion of who he was, just a little.

Alice

"Uh... Good."

(He smiled politely, but a little uncomfortable)

Adam gave him an effortless smile as he leaned against the wall next to him. He took a sip of his drink before looking over to Alice. He's wearing a leather jacket over casual clothes, making him look effortlessly attractive.

Adam

"You're not having fun?"

He asks as he notices Alice looking a little uncomfortable. He watches him with curiosity, clearly taking an interest in him.

Alice shrugged it off. He seemed bored and annoyed just by being around too many people

Alice

"Not really. I'm not much of a party person,"

(Al squinted his eyes to scan him and have a better look at the brunette guy)

"Hey, I know you. My friend didn't stop talking about you and your fucking dick the whole way here."

(he rolled his eyes and huffed)

Adam raised an eyebrow at his comment, clearly amused by this new person's straightforwardness, but it wasn't something he wasn't used to.

Adam

"Is that so?"

(He smirked, and took another sip of his drink, looking up and down, checking him out.)

"And who's your friend?"

Alice

(He grimaced)

"You probably won't even remember her. You're drowning in pussy twenty-four-seven. I won't bother."

(He sighs, and checks his phone)

Alice pulled his phone out of his pants pocket, to check the time, '1 am', and his friend, the one who brought him, the ride was nowhere to be found. After all, he was dragged there against his own will. He hated parties and alcohol.

Adam

(He let out a laugh, clearly enjoying the banter between the two of them. He set down his drink and moved closer to Alice)

"I'm not that bad."

(he said with a grin)

"But if you're not enjoying yourself, you know I can change that."

(He eyed him again with a smirk)

Alice furrowed when Adam brought out a small Ziploc with white power inside. Coke... is that fucking Coke? Are you serious?...

Alice

"Uh..."

(He frowned confused, and shook his head)

"N-nahh... Dude I ain't doing shit like that, I'm clean."

Adam looked at him a little surprised when he declined. Clearly, he wasn't used to people declining him a good line of the best coke, like... come on. You are at an LA party!

Adam

"You're like the only one here who's not on anything. What are you, a saint?

(He said with a chuckle. He tucked the bag away into his pocket, clearly not wanting to pressure him into anything)

Alice

(He snorts a little)

"Saint?... Well, if that means not hitting a vape, doing drugs, smoking, or drinking. Well, maybe I'm the goddamn mother Teresa,"

(He sighs)

"but seriously, I'm clean. Just soda."

(He raised his can of Canada Dry)

Adam looked at him with intrigue, clearly finding this stranger's lack of vices interesting.

Adam

"How the hell do you do it?"

Adam asked, moving a little closer to Alice. He can't help but be drawn to their 'purity', something that he's not used to. He looked at Alice with skepticism, clearly thinking how he might be a bit of a buzzkill. But he can't help but be curious

Adam

"You're telling me you've never once in your life tried... anything? Not even a sip of alcohol?"

Alice

(He nods)

"Yeah, plus. I'm underage in the U.S. Just like you man. I don't drink, and I'm not planning on doing so. Be happy with your coke."

Adam laughed and shook his head, clearly finding the stranger's straight-edge attitude amusing.

Adam

"You're a different breed, you know that?"

(Takes a step closer to him, closing the distance between them two)

Alice

"Not that kind of naughty. You: fuck, drink, and hit coke. Otherwise me... I just stay away from this,"

(He looked around, and gestured with his hand to the party)

"from these places."

Adam chuckles and shakes his head, clearly finding their innocence endearing.

Adam

"You know, it's kind of cute how wholesome you are."

(He leaned in a little closer to them, his arm resting on the counter behind them)

"But don't you ever feel curious? About what you might be missing out on?"

Alice chuckles amused and shakes his head

Alice

"Not at all.. why? You wanna show me how you sniff a pound of coke? Nah..."

(He said with arrogant sarcasm, and proceeded to take a sip of his canned Canada Dry)

Adam laughed at his response, clearly getting a kick out of their attitude.

Adam

"Hey, I'm not trying to turn you into a druggie like me. I'm just saying, you're missing out on some damn fun."

(He kept invading some of Alice's personal space, his body almost pressed against theirs)

"You can't tell me you're never tempted to do anything bad. Just once?"

Alice

(scoffs, and steps back)

"Jesus dude..."

Alice shook his head, not believing this crap. Where the hell did his girl friend bring him to? He ignored Adam, and left him speaking alone, heading to the entrance of the place to walk out. But Adam reached and grabbed his arm, stopping him from walking away.

Adam

"Hey, where are you going?"

Adam asked him, his grip on their arm firm but not rough. He looked at him with a mixture of confusion and curiosity, making it clear he didn't want him to leave so soon, but Alice let go of his grip.

"You're seriously going to bail because I offered you a little fun?"

Alice

"Yeah, exactly. Isn't that what people tell you to do in high school? Dude, I'm 'honored' and grateful. But, no thanks. I don't do any of this, I just want to go home."

Adam let out a sigh, clearly realizing that he wouldn't change the stranger's mind. rising slightly his hands, gesturing towards the exit.

Adam

"Suit yourself. But I gotta say, you're seriously missing out."

He gave the stranger a small smirk, clearly trying to hide his disappointment. But he lets go. Allowing them to head towards the front door.

"But hey, if you ever change your mind, you know where to find me."

Alice

(He let out a sarcastic laugh)

"Where to find you? If I wanted anything from you, would be fucking you,"

(he said with arrogance and sarcasm in his tone)

"but we're both dudes, and you only do girls, AND I'm not saying I want to. Understand the sarcasm, alright?

Alice walked out, leaving everyone inside partying, dancing, talking, drinking, and using drugs. Adam watches how the stranger walks out the front door, a mix of disappointment and confusion shows on his face. Leaning against the nearest wall, he ran his fingers through his hair.

Adam

"Damn..."

Adam muttered to himself, watching the stranger walk away now from afar. He couldn't help but think how different this new person was from everyone else in there he knew so far.

"Such a rare find..."

(He murmured to himself taking one last sip of his drink)

Adam took a look around the party, feeling somewhat bored and unsatisfied now. Looking back at the front door, contemplating whether or not he should follow him. He shakes his head, realizing that he's being stupid. Why would he care about some innocent boring wannabe buzz killer who's not even interested in trying to push the thoughts of them out of his mind

"Forget about it..."

(he mutters to himself, leaning against the door again)

but he couldn't help but be intrigued by this red-haired guy, he was straightforward, innocent, pure... It's like a breath of fresh air in a sea of drugs and alcohol. He glanced over at the front door again, his curiosity getting the better of him. Should he follow him? let him go?

On the other hand outside the party, on the street sidewalk. Alice was trying to order an Uber, but he didn't have credit nor wifi to do so

Alice

"Fuck..."

No wifi, and the friend who brought him probably was under the influence of drugs, and giving some random dude a blow job. Jesus, that's why he hated these kinds of ambiance and places

Going back inside the party, Adam was watching Alice struggle with his phone through the picture windows, trying to call an Uber. He watched for a moment, amused by the irony of the situation, taking a look at his empty cup. He could let him struggle with his phone, or could offer a ride home...

He hesitates for a moment, but his curiosity to win the stranger won over him. Putting his cup down on the counter, and started his way outside. As soon as he walked out of the party, he approached the stranger with a casual smirk, hands in his pants pockets. Looking down at Alice's phone, he saw the lack of service and Wifi preventing him from ordering an Uber.

Adam

"Looks like you're having some trouble there."

Alice looked up and sighed. Oh crap, this coke addict once again. Do junkies get fixated on people or what?

Alice

"Oh... you again. Well, yeah. I forgot to pay my bill.... fuck."

(he said with severe frustration in his voice)

Adam

(He chuckled at their reaction, finding this person's bluntness amusing)

"Yeah, I'm like a bad penny. I kept showing up. No service, huh? That sucks."

(He thinks for a moment, then looks at you)

"You know, my car's right over there. I could give you a ride home if you want."

Alice

(he frowned in confusion)

"Are you like... in condition to drive?.."

(he said looking him up and down)

Adam smirked at his question, giving him a cocky grin. How many times he hasn't driven high and drunk? He doesn't even remember. After all, his parents never cared beyond him and his grades, at this point he couldn't care less.

Adam

"Of course I am. I'm not that wasted. Besides, it's not like you have many other options right now."

Alice nodded, tilting his head slightly to the side, raising an eyebrow in a 'True' kind of way as he shrugged.

Alice

"Well, lead the way I guess."

Adam grinned and motioned for him to follow him

"Follow me"

he said while leading the red hair from the sidewalk towards his car, a yellow and black jeep car parked on the street. As he walks, he glances over to the red-haired with a smirk

"You know, you're really not like the other people at the party."

When they got near the car, Adam unlocked it. Opening the passenger door for the red-haired, motioning for him to get in. Maybe he wasn't much of a jerk after all. He walked around the car and hopped in.

Adam

"I mean, you're the only one there, who's totally pure and sober. I don't think I've ever been around someone with your level of innocence before, besides kids."

(He joked)

Alice

"Jesus dude... I'm not a freaking saint. Just... Ugh, I don't do that stuff."

Adam

"Yeah, I know. But most people our age don't have that sort of self-control. They all seem to wanna do everything and anything under the sun."

(He glances over to him as he drives)

Alice stared out of the window, watching the streetlights blur past. The streets and storefronts fade into one another. The new pavement flashed briefly under the car, a constant stream of dark lines and occasional reflections.

Alice

"Like you?..."

Adam

"Hey, I never said I wasn't one of them."

(He kept driving, stealing a few glances at him, here and there.)

"But seriously though, your self-control is impressive. I can't remember the last time I met someone who wasn't into at least one thing. No smoking. No drinking. No drugs. No nothing. It's kind of refreshing, to be honest."

(He glances over to him with a smirk)

"And it's pretty damn attractive, too."

Alice

(He frowned and looked over to him taken aback and perplexed)

"Excuse me?..."

Alice was clearly taken aback. Since Adam only flirts with girls specifically to get laid. Well, maybe he was just being nice. Man-to-man compliments. Just that, right?

Adam

"You heard me."

(He said with a smirk)

"It's attractive. All that innocence, all that purity. It's interesting."

(He keeps his eyes on the road, but he steals another glance at you)

"It actually kinda... turns me on."

Alice

(He frowned with disgust)

"Eugh, Dude. I thought you only liked girls..."

Suddenly, realization hit him. Adam was most likely drunk/tipsy and on coke. And his 'attraction' was definitely because Alice is androgynous.

Adam

(He lets out a laugh at his reaction, clearly finding his disgust amusing)

"Hey, I'm drunk, not blind, alright? I can appreciate a good-looking guy when I see one."

(he looked at him again, his eyes taking in his androgynous features. Not helping himself but finding him somewhat attractive)

"Besides, you're the exception."

Alice's eyebrows frowned in exasperation, his eyes squinted in complete irritation. But thankfully they finally arrived at Alice's home, he hopped out of Adam's jeep pissed, grabbing his things and slamming the door.

Alice

"Thanks for the ride, jerk."

(he walked up to his apartment complex, pissed and revolted)

Adam

(He smirked and rolled the window down. Calling out to him)

"Hey, come on. Don't be mad! I was just screwing with you!"

(He grinned, finding his anger delightful)

"And you're welcome, by the way. Hey, remember. If you ever decide to be a bad boy..."

(He winks at Alice)

"You know where to find me."

Alice flipped him off from the outside gate and walked inside the residence. Adam laughed at the gesture, clearly enjoying pissing him off.

"Good night, angel."

Adam called out to him with sarcasm as Alice walked inside his apartment. A smirk still on his face. He puts the car in drive and starts driving away. Later that night, as he got back to his apartment, he couldn't shake the image of the new stranger out of his mind, knowing he should just forget about him and move on.

Grabbing a beer from the fridge and sprawling out on the couch, then he felt the small Ziploc bag with coke in his jacket. He forgot about it. Adam sighs, realizing that he still has some coke left over from the party.

"Great..."

He muttered to himself, looking at the bag for a moment, his thoughts wandering back to the red-haired stranger he just met that night. He couldn't help but wonder how this person would probably look down on him for using drugs. Shaking his head, he pushed those thoughts out of his mind. Why would he care enough for some random guy's opinion anyway?

"Jesus, I need to get a grip..."

He glanced down at the bag again, the temptation calling to him. He knows shouldn't, but the itch is there. He glances around his living room as if making sure no one is watching, then opens the bag, taking a small bump with his car keys. The coke hits his system almost immediately. The familiar rush of energy and euphoria flooded his body. Closing his eyes and leaning his head back, basking in the feeling.

"God damn it..."

Muttering to himself in a hushed and husky tone. Trying to push the thoughts of the stranger out of his mind again. Adam kept hitting bump after bump, sniffing them like a damn vacuum to dust. After all... he's the coke king, isn't he?

Losing track of time as he snorts bump after another. He can't stop picturing the stranger's innocent, pure face. The disgusted expression at his drug use. It almost makes him want to do more coke, just so he can forget about him, and the way he looked at him... Finally, he blacked out.

The next morning, Adam was incapable to remember when or how he passed out. The sunlight streaming through the curtains, his head was throbbing and his mouth felt like he'd been licking the carpet all night. Most likely because he was having a hangover, he drank and sniffed too much last night.

Groaning, he rubbed his temples, trying to piece together the events of the previous night. As his memories start to come back to him, he remembers: the party, the drugs, and the stranger...

Chapter Text

A few weeks later. Alice was walking through downtown LA, casually looking around, walking into vintage thrift stores and regular normal shops. Meanwhile Adam was walking down the street one afternoon, he caught sight of a familiar shade of red disappearing into a vintage thrift store.

He paused for a moment, trying to get a better look of the person. Could it be...? He walked closer, and sure enough it was the stranger from that night. He couldn't believe his luck. What were the chances of running into him, here of all places in LA?

Hesitating for a moment, Adam debated whether to approach the stranger or not. The man clearly wanted nothing to do with him that night, yet Adam's curiosity was relentless. After a brief pause, he decided to follow, entering the store a few minutes later. The place was oddly spacious yet felt cramped, crowded with merchandise and racks of clothes. His eyes scanned the aisles, seeking the red-haired stranger. Soon, he spotted the top of their head as they browsed through the racks, still unaware of his presence.

Adam took a deep breath, trying to steady his nerves. He wasn't sure how the stranger would react when they saw each other again, especially after how things ended last time.

On the other hand, Alice grabbed a red cocktail 1950s dress. Smiling at it as he admired it. 'Cute,' he murmured under his breath before placing it back on the rack. He continued to walk through the store, his eyes still scanning the surroundings, without noticing Adam yet.

Returning back to Adam, he watched from a few feet away as the red-haired man picked up a dress, murmuring to himself under his breath. Adam's eyes lingered over the stranger's slender frame, taking in the androgynous yet distinctly feminine appearance for a man. "Cute indeed,' he thought. Finally, he decided to approach, taking in a few careful steps closer, but still maintaining some distance to avoid coming across as creep. He cleared his throat to catch the stranger's attention.

Adam

"Hey,"

Alice looked up and met Adam's gaze, his brows furrowed in confusion, Despite that, he managed a polite smile and spoke up

Alice

"Hey..."

He smiled awkwardly, unsure of what to do next. Jesus, he's so socially awkward. Adam returned the smile, his eyes once again roaming over the stranger's figure.

Adam

"You have good taste,"

(he remarked, raising his hand and rolling his finger in the air to gesture the store)

Alice

(he kept frowning in confusion)

"What do you even know? junkie."

Well, at least he remembered Adam after all those few weeks. Adam raised an eyebrow at his comment, surprised by the stranger's straightforwardness, he couldn't help but chuckle softly at their audacity.

Adam

"Junkie, huh? Is that how you remember me?,"

(He stepped closer to him, narrowing the distance between them)

Alice

(He crossed his arms over his chest and nodded)

"Yeah, well... you showed me a Ziploc with coke in it and tried to persuade me to do some. What do you think?"

(He began walking away but glanced back over his shoulder)

"And I'm still mad at you. I hope I never see you again."

Adam let Alice walk a few steps away before catching up and grabbing his arm to stop him from leaving the store.

Adam

"Hey, hold on a minute. I'm sorry about that, alright? I was drunk and not thinking clearly,"

Adam looked down at Alice, his eyes locked on his. He's wasn't used to being rejected or told off, but there was something about this guy that made him want to keep pushing

"I know I was a jerk and an idiot, but I don't want you to just walk away. Please."

Adam released Alice's arm but didn't step back. He stood close, his eyes still locked on Alice's. In his gaze, there was a hint of regret, mixed with something else...

Alice

(He sighs)

"Jesus, man. I... Come on, dude. You were weird. You literally acted like I was a piece of meat in your car, and the worst part of it? You don't even do guys! You got confused for a moment there. Seriously, you were high."

Alice knew he was being very judgmental, but didn't he have the right, after that night? He felt so uncomfortable that he couldn't help but to be upset with the brown-haired guy in front of him. Adam rubbed his temples, struggling to find the right words. He knew he couldn't deny any of what the stranger just said.

Adam

"I know, I know. I was high, drunk, and acting like an idiot. But I wasn't confused, alright? I knew exactly what I was doing and who I was looking at."

(He took a step closer to him, his eyes roaming over the stranger's figure, taking in his slender frame and androgynous appearance once again)

Alice

(He frowned, and seemed pissed)

"Jesus fucking christ, dude. Even sober, you're being disgusting. If you are finding out who you are, or if you want to start doing guys, that's not my problem. I don't want to be a weird fantasy of yours. I know what people say about you, so leave me out of it."

Alice stormed out of the vintage thrift shop, Leaving Adam stunned and surprised. He couldn't believe how badly he screwed this up. He stood there for a few moments, struggling to process what just happened. He glanced around, making sure no one was watching him. Though they're in downtown LA, of course someone at least catched a sight of what just happened. Finally, he hurried after the red-haired, trying to catch up.

Adam called out to him as he exits the store, trying get their attention

"Hey, wait up! I just want to talk, alright?!"

He caught up to the red-haired, staying a few steps behind him, not wanting to get too close and make him uncomfortable.

"Please, just give me a chance to explain myself. I know I messed up, but I want to make it right."

Alice stopped in the middle of the sidewalk, blocking both lines of the path.

Alice

"Fuck off dude. Damn, we barely know each other. I want nothing to do with a junkie like you."

Adam's eyebrows furrowed at being called a junkie again. Taking in a few steps closer to him, his annoyance mixing with determination and a hint of something else he couldn't quite describe.

Adam

"I'm not a junkie, alright? I can quit whenever I want. It's just a bit of fun, nothing more. And you have no right to judge me when you don't even know me!"

(He takes a deep breath, trying to calm himself down. He can feel his frustration building, but he's determined to get through to the stranger)

"Look, I know we don't know each other well, but there's something about you... Something that makes me want to get to know you better. Call it crazy or messed up, but I feel drawn to you. Maybe it's your attitude, your looks, I don't know, but there's something there that I can't just ignore."

Alice

(He laughs to his face in a snort)

"Augh... fuck off, dude. Don't pull that shit on me. We aren't pulling a 'girl of my dreams' kind on shit. You're straight, and news flash: I'm a guy! It's fine if you're confused or whatever, but don't drag me into it."

Adam clenched his jaw, his patience wearing thin. He could feel his frustration and anger bubbling up inside him, ready to erupt.

Adam

"Why do you keep telling me what I am and what I'm not, huh? You don't know me, you don't know what I want or how I feel, so stop assuming you do. And stop calling me a junkie, alright?!"

Alice rolled his eyes and began walking away as if tired of this conversation. Adam scowled at the sight of the stranger rolling his eyes, his frustration rising as the stranger dismissed him once again. He couldn't stand being brushed off like this—it was making his blood boil. He took a few steps after Alice, his voice rising in frustration.

"Where are you going, huh? Just gonna walk away without listening to a word I'm saying?"

Alice

(He stopped in his tracks and turned around to face the tall brunette)

"Why should I? I don't need to hear anything from you,"

(He paused trying to remember)

"Uh... Adam! See? I don't even know or remember your name. Besides, you don't even know mine."

Adam

(He scoffs, his frustration growing more)

"Yeah, well, I'm trying to get to know you, alright? That's trying to freaking do here. But you keep brushing me off like a fluff and dismissing me like I'm just some damn junkie."

Alice rolled his eyes again, and reached for Adam's pockets, they struggled a bit. before Alice finally pulled out a Ziploc with cocaine from his pants pockets

Alice

"Oh, really?"

Adam froze, his eyes widened as the red-haired pulled out his stock. He didn't expect the red-hair would do such a thing, like to reach out and inspect him like a fucking DEA agent.

Adam

"What the hell- give that back!"

Adam tried to snatch the bag from the red-haired guy, but the other Alice held it out of his reach. Adam's frustration and embarrassment mounted. He couldn't believe a stranger had just outed him like that.

"Give it back, damn it! You have no right to just go through my pockets."

Alice pushed the bag against Adam's chest, letting go of it, Adam quickly put his hands below to catch it, making sure it didn't hit the floor, he hastily stuffed it into his pocket.

Alice

"There you go! You junkies go crazy over your drugs. Jesus christ... I won't bother to give my name to a guy who sniffs coke left to right, like a damn vacuum."

Adam

(He's seething with anger, his face red with frustration)

"Alright, fine! Yeah, I like to party and have a good time. So what? That doesn't mean I'm some kind of disgusting junkie. And I can quit whenever I damn well want to!"

Alice

(He laughs to his face)

"Everyone says the same old shit. You'll die from overdose one of these days if you keep it up."

Adam

(He scoffed at his words, his anger was boiling over)

"Oh yeah, you're such a saint, aren't you? Acting all high and mighty like you're so much better than me. But I bet you have your vices too, don't you? What's your poison, huh? ¿Alcohol? ¿Adderall?"

Alice

"What part of 'I'm clean' you don't understand? I guess the coke is really frying your damn brain."

Adam snorted, his anger fueling his determination to dig deeper. He refuses to let this live action Alice-in-wonderland Queen Of Hearts wannabe act like he's better than him. He pointed an aggressive index finger to the red-hair.

Adam

"Bullshit. No one's actually clean. Everyone has something–gambling, sex, alcohol, drugs. You're hiding something, I know you are."

Alice

(He stepped closer to Adam and whispers)

"Just because you are fucked up, and you surround yourself with fucked up people. That doesn't mean everyone is. And I can assure you, I am the cleanest person you'll ever meet."

Adam stared down at Alice as he stepped closer, his anger mingling with a hint of confusion at the proximity. He couldn't believe how confident and self-assured this person was.

Adam

"You expect me to believe that? Bullshit. No one's perfect. You gotta have some kind of vice, some kind of skeleton in your closet. Spill it."

Adam stepped closer to the shorter guy, his body nearly pressing against the other's. He was completely frustrated and couldn't understand how he'd reached this point, growing even more irritated at the stranger's insistence that they're perfect, that he's a clean one.

"Come on, admit it. You've got some kind of secret or something you're hiding. Everyone does. I'm not buying this whole 'clean and perfect' act."

Alice

(He let out a mocking chuckle)

"You don't have to. But I am. I am clean. And I'll always be. Now, goodbye. Forever."

Alice started walking away once again, heading toward the bus stop. Adam watched him go, his anger still bubbling just under the surface. But as Alice reached the bus stop, something snapped in Adam. He couldn't let this guy just walk away, not like this.

Adam hurried after him, his steps getting quicker and quicker until he was right behind Alice at the bus stop. Adam grabbed Alice's arm, perhaps a bit too forcefully, spinning him around to face him. His eyes were dark and intense, a mix of anger, severe frustration.

"Wait! I'm not done with you yet."

He pulled Alice closer, tightening the grip on their arm. He's not used to being denied or not getting his way. He was used to charming and wooing girls into doing what he wanted, but this... was different. Maybe because this stranger was a guy?...

Adam stared down at Alice, his eyes roaming over his face. His body was so close to theirs that he could almost feel the heat radiating off of them. He wasn't sure why he was reacting like this, why he felt so...

"You can't just walk away from me like that. You can't just act like you're better than me, like you're some kind of perfect angel."

Alice

(He pushes him away, making him step back)

"Stand back weirdo! I never said I was perfect. I just said I'm clean! ¡God!"

Adam stumbled back a step as the stranger pushed him away. He scowls at them, his anger flaring up again.

Adam

"Yeah, 'clean'. Bullshit. You're just being stubborn. No one's actually clean, alright? Everyone has their vices, their flaws."

Alice

"For fuck's sake! Why can't you believe I don't get fucked-up shit in my system! I'm not fucked up like you and your group of drug-addicted friends!"

Adams' anger spiked up again at the judgment, he can't stand being judged, being seen as some kind of lowlife drug addict.

Adam

"You don't know anything about me or my friends. And for your information, I don't just do drugs. I party, I have fun, I live life to the fullest. You're just a prude, that's all."

Alice

(He furrowed)

"That's not living. You're wasting your life. Making it short, slowly killing yourself. You are so fucked, dude... Gosh..."

Alice's bus finally arrived, and he walked up to the door to board it.

"Goodbye, Adam."

Adam watched as the red-haired stranger boarded the bus, his mind racing. He can't believe this guy thought he was so high and mighty.

"You know what? You're pathetic. You're missing out on living. But go ahead–keep being a clean little prude. See where that gets you."

Adam stayed in place, watching the bus drive away. His anger and frustration still boiling inside him. But underneath it all, there's something else—curiosity, attraction even. He couldn't understand why he was drawn to this person who seemed to be his polar opposite.

He stood there for a few minutes, trying to process everything that had just happened. He wasn't used to feeling so flustered and off-balance. He's always been so confident and in control, but this guy threw him off his game. Sighing, he ran a hand through his hair, trying to calm himself down. But he couldn't shake the image of the red-haired stranger out of his mind—the way he looked, the way he spoke, the way he pushed him away... It's driving him crazy.

Chapter Text

Weeks Later.

 This time Alice was at the Greyhound bus station walking out of a bus from the same company. Along with a small black gym suitcase in hand. Ready to make his way downtown. 

Meanwhile, Adam was also in downtown. He had been out partying the night before and was now feeling the effects of the cocktail of drugs and alcohol he ingested last night. He was slightly disheveled and a bit out of it as he strolled through the streets, still not completely sober.

He stumbled a bit as he walked, running a hand through his mussed messy hair. His eyes were bleary and bloodshot, he had dark circles under them. He looked exhausted, but he was also still riding the high from the night before.

As he walked past the bus station, he noticed someone who looked familiar. He squinted, trying to get a better look. His mind was fuzzy and his vision was a bit hazy, but as the person came into focus, he realized it was the red-hair stranger from last time. he felt a mix of surprise and anger. He hadn’t seen him since that day in the shop, and he had been trying to get him out of his mind. But there he was, walking past him, looking clean and put together while he was a mess. He couldn’t help but feel a pang of guilt and embarrassment at the state he was in. He looked like a wreck compared to him. But he also couldn’t shake the familiar spark of anger that he had felt that day. He watched him for a moment, considering whether or not to approach him.

Adam could tell that they hadn’t noticed him yet. Alice was too busy looking at his phone. He took a moment to gather himself, trying to come up with something to say. But his mind was still fuzzy from the previous night, and his tongue was thick and heavy.

He took a few steps towards him, his movements a bit unsteady. He stumbled a little bit but caught himself before he fell over. He was trying to come off as confident and cool, but in reality, he was just trying not to trip over his own feet.

Al looked over to him and furrowed strangely surpised. Catching him before he fell right on the sidewalk.

Alice

“Oh my god! Are you homeless now? God damn it, Adam… What’s going on in your life!”

He stumbled against Alice, his balance off as he tried to steady himself. He looked up at Alice, his eyes bleary and unfocused.

Adam

“I’m not freakin homeless. I just,” he cleared his voice “had a bit too much to drink last night.” 

He mumbled, clearly not in full capacity. He tried to stand up straight, but his legs felt like jelly underneath him. His head was spinning and his stomach was doing flips. He leaned on Alice for support, not wanting to fall flat on his face. Al sighed and rolled his eyes annoyed. he grabbed him and brought him to a nearby bench, feeling making him lie down

Alice

“Okay, stay here. I uh…”

(He looked around)

“I’ll be back, I promise just…. Don’t go anywhere. Lay down here.”

He walked away quickly, making his way to the nearest CVS

Adam stumbled and flopped down on the bench, feeling like a ragdoll. He watched Alice walk away almost in a hurry. Still feeling fuzzy and disoriented. He tried to protest, to tell Alice that he could take care of himself but all that came out was a mumbled mess of incoherent sounds.

Alice came back with a bottle of cold water and some vitamins, of course, he had no sense of what to buy in a situation like this. The fact that he just bought some capsule vitamins was almost cute.

Alice

“Jesus… I-I don’t know what to do when someone is under substances… fuck.”

(Al looked worried, even though he despises Adam)

“Are you okay? You’re not dying?”

Adam looked up to Alice with bleary eyes, trying to focus on their face. He couldn't understand why was he being nice to him. Adam was used to being judged and looked down on by straight-edge types like Alice.

Adam

“No, I’m not dying. I’m just… Really goddamn high,”

(He slurred, attempting a weak attempt at a charming smile.)

Alice

(Alice frowned angrily)

“You bastard! You think this is funny but I don’t want you to die on me fucking idiot.”

(He threw the bottle and vitamins at him)

“Goodbye.”

Alice grabbed his things with him and started walking away with heavy step. Adam fumbled to catch the bottle and vitamins, his movements still clumsy and uncoordinated. As Alice began walking away, he felt a pang of desperation. He didn’t understand why he didn’t want them to leave.

Adam

“Wait, don’t go.”

Adam called out, his voice hoarse. He pushed himself up into a sitting position on the bench, trying to get his bearings. He looked up to Alice, his eyes pleading for him to stay. It was a strange feeling, wanting someone to stay with him who knew didn’t approve of his lifestyle. But something about Alice made him want to try to impress him, to show him that he wasn’t just some druggie waste of space.

Adam

(He reached out towards Alice with a shaky hand)

“Please, don’t leave. I’m sorry, okay? I didn’t mean to scare you or whatever.” he said still trying to dismiss his state “I just… I need some help, alright? Please don’t go.”

Alice’s frown softened to his words, he felt bad… and also sad. How can someone do this to themselves? He didn’t get it.

Alice

“I- uh… Jeez.. alright…”

(He turned around and walked back over to him, he sat down next to him in silence)

Adam felt a wave of relief wash over him as the red-haired stranger sat down next to him. He was still feeling woozy and off-balance, but having the crimson-haired there made him feel a little bit grounded.

Adam

“Thanks,”

He mumbled, resting his head against the bench and closing his eyes momentarily, savoring the feeling of company next to him.

After a few moments, Adam looked over at the red hair, his eyes still unfocused.

“Why are you being nice to me? I thought you hated me.” 

Alice

(He stared to the ground)

“I don’t hate you.” he sighs “I just-... I just don’t like you and your coke addiction. We don’t even know each other. This is the third time we see each other so far…”

Adam

(He chuckled weakly while his head still spun)

“Yeah, I know. It is a bit of a messed up situation, isn’t it? Me, a cokehead, a you, the clean-cut straight edge. It’s like a bad joke or something.”

Adam paused for a moment, taking a deep breath. He felt strangely vulnerable, having Alice see him like this. He’s not used to letting his guard down.

“But… despite everything, you’re still here, you’re still talking to me, why?”

Alice

(he shrugged)

“I don’t know, I mean. I don’t want to get involved with you. But, I can’t let you flop on the sidewalk like that. That’ll be inhumane.”

Adam

(he laughed weakly with a hint of sarcasm in his voice)

“Inhumane, huh? I wouldn’t have pegged you as the bleeding heart type. But I guess you’re not as cold and unfeeling as you like to pretend to be.”

He took a moment to gather his thoughts, his brain and tongue still feeling a bit sluggish.

“You know, you’re not so bad for a straight edge. I mean, you’re kind of a prude, but… you’ve got a decent heart under all that disdain for drugs and partying.”

Alice

(He snorted)

“Hey, I don’t hate parties. I just… I’m not a party person, I’m much more of a house person instead. And about the drugs… It’s horrible dude. Seeing you get high and make it look like it’s the best thing ever. When I got to see my aunt struggle with addiction, getting her into rehab and watching her struggle, it’s horrible.”

Adam nodded slowly, taking in Alice’s words. He knew that drug addiction could be a vicious cycle, but he always thought that he could handle it, that it was just a fun way to party and have a good time.

Adam

”Yeah… I get what you’re saying. It’s just… sometimes it’s hard to see downsides when you’re caught up in it. When you’re partying and having a good time, everything just seems so easy and freeing, you know?”

(He sighs while running a hand through his hair)

“But… I know it’s not always fun fun and games. I’ve seen friends go too far, and mess up their lives with drugs. It’s not something to take lightly. I just… I guess I’ve always been a bit reckless and impulsive. I like living on the edge, pushing the limits. It’s just how I am.”

(He looked over to Alice, his gaze stayed steady despite his clouded mind)

“I guess I kind of envy you, in a way. You’re clean and sober. You have principles and you stick to them. That’s… admirable. I wish I had that kind of self-control and discipline.”

Alice

(He stared at him, then to the ground)

“I’m sorry for being mean to you the last time we saw each other. I-” he paused for a second and took a breath “I just get angry at people who think drugs are cool.” 

(He reached Adam’s pockets and brought the usual stash of cocaine Adam brought with him)

“Come on, seriously?...”

Alice stared into his eyes with disillusion. Adam watched him dig through his pocket, his body feeling too sluggish and slow to react.

Adam

“Hey, what the hell are you doing?!”

(He protested weakly, trying to snatch the bag out of their hand. Failing miserably, his movements clumsy and awkward)

“That’s mine, give it back!” 

(His voice was a bit sharper than he intended this time. feeling embarrassed and vulnerable having this stranger see his vices)

Alice furrowed melancholic, feeling a sort of pity run through his body by seeing Adam in such a state. But what else could he do? He won’t help someone who doesn’t want to be helped at all.

Alice

“Oh Adam… You’re so deep in it…”

(he sighed and returned it to him)

Adam snatched the bag out of the stranger's hands and instantly shoving it inside his pockets, feeling a mix of relief and shame inside of him. Almost letting a breath of relief in the moment.

Adam

“Yeah, I know,”

 (he muttered, his eyes cast downward)

“I’m messed up, okay? I know it. But it’s… it’s hard to stop. When you’re living life on the edge when nothing else feels quite as good as getting high.”

(he looked up at the stranger, his eyes searching for their face)

“You wouldn’t understand, you’re too straight edge. You’ve never gotten high before, have you? Never pushed the limits of your mind and body like this.”

Alice

“So… that’s it for you?” he asked with a sincere curious tone “Party, getting high, sex, and alcohol? That’s what you want?”

Adam

(He shrugged, a hint of defensiveness in his voice started to creeped out)

“What else is there, man? Life is short, why shouldn’t I make the most of it while I can? I mean… what do you even do for fun, apart from being all straight edge and disapproving?”

Alice

(He sighed annoyed, quickly standing up. Feeling defensive as well, not liking Adam’s tone of voice)

“Why do I even bother to try, and make a conversation with you when you’re in this state?”

Alice said with frustration in his voice, grabbing his things. Ready to stand up and leave once again. Adam quickly reached out, grabbing the stranger’s wrist to stop him from leaving. 

Adam

“Hey, wait! Where are you going? Don’t leave me like this. I… I need you, okay? Just for a bit longer. Please?”

He looked up at the stranger, his eyes pleading for company and somehow any kind of support. The feeling of vulnerability and dependence hand in the air, needing this stranger to stay with him. A feeling he’s not used to, especially not with someone like Alice, who he knows doesn’t approve of his lifestyle.

Alice sighed feeling pity for him. He can not leave him in this drunk and drugged state roaming through downtown streets by himself.

Resigned and worried he spoke up.

Alice

“Where do you live? I don’t know how to drive.” he stated “But I can take you home by bus. You were driving your car, right? Just tell me where you left it so I can send someone to pick it up.”

Adam let go of the stranger’s wrist and slumped a bit on the bench, he seemed exhausted, but he felt a wave of gratitude for the stranger’s words. Adam tried to stand up, but his legs felt like jelly. He stumbled and reached to grab onto Alice to steady himself.

Adam

“Thanks, man. I… I really appreciate this. My place isn’t too far from here. Just a few blocks over.”

Adam gestured in the direction of his apartment with a shaky and tired hand, still leaning heavily against the stranger for support. Feeling a mix of embarrassment and relief, realizing how badly he needs help.

Alice let him lean his weight on him, carrying him to the nearest bus stop and boarding the next bus after a few minutes. Making their way through downtown’s streets, accompanying Adam and sitting by his side. Until they arrived at Adam’s apartment street.

It seemed like he lived in a regular apartment building complex with a second floor. Something completely normal if you lived near downtown. 

Adam pulled his keys to open the main door, struggling a little thanks to his current state. As soon as they got it unlocked, they struggled in the entrance steps until they finally made it to Adam’s door and entered.

Alice

“There we go… Okay.”

Alice helped Adam up to the couch and made him lie down on it. He looked around, seeing the side table near the couch, it had a small mirror on top with smeared powder on it, and next to it a small bag of the same substance. Straws and empty beer bottles are all over the table and floor. He shook his head and looked away.

Adam flopped down onto the couch, feeling completely exhausted, feeling guilty about seeing the mess in his living room, knowing that the stranger must be judging him. He closed his eyes, feeling too tired to even try and defend himself.

Adam

“I’m sorry… I know it’s a mess. I don’t normally keep it like this, I swear.”

(He opened his eyes and looked up to the red-haired with a pleading expression)

“Please… just don’t leave yet. Stay with me for a bit longer, okay? I-I don’t want to be alone right now.”

Alice nodded slightly, sliding down and sat down on the carpeted floor, right beside the couch. Making sure to keep his personal space and Adam’s.

Alice

“I won’t go…”

Adam reached out, grasping at the stranger’s shirt sleeve. He was feeling vulnerable and needy, craving comfort and reassurance. Even if it was from this almost complete stranger.

Adam

“Thanks, man. I-... I know I’m a mess. I know I’m not a good person. I’ve done some stupid things, I’ve made a lot of mistakes. But… I just can’t seem to quit it. I try, but the high is just… it’s too good. It’s like nothing else.” 

(He let out a shaky breath, his words slurred slightly)

“I don’t know why are you being nice to me. I’ve been nothing but a jerk to you, and yet… you’re here. You’re staying. I don’t understand it.”

(he looked down at Alice sitting on the carpet, his eyes unfocused but filled with a hint of strange curiosity)

“Why do you care, man? Why do you even bother? I’m just some junkie just like you say, some mess. You’re all straight edge and clean cut. We’re not supposed to mix, you and I. We’re like oil and water, aren’t we?”

Alice

(He let out a quiet sigh in amusement and shrugged)

“I don’t know Adam… I can’t leave you like this.”  almost as if it were funny, he let out a chuckle. “Heh, You still don’t even know my name, jeez…”

Adam

(he furrowed his brow, trying to process the stranger’s words through the haze in his mind)

“Wait, I don’t know your name. Seriously?” 

(he paused and tried to remember, letting a frustrated huff out) 

“You’re right… Ughh! How come have I not known your name this whole time? Man, I’m a jerk.”

(He tried to sit up, but his head was spinning)

“So… what is it? What’s your name, man? Don’t be mysterious on me now.”

Alice

(he smiled timidly due to the situation)

“My name’s Alice. I know, I’m a guy. And that’s a girl’s name, everyone always points it out.”

Adam

(He chuckled weakly, his head still spinning a bit)

“Alice… that’s a nice name. It suits you, even if it is a bit feminine. And hey! who cares if it’s a girl’s name? You own it, man.”

Adam reached out once again to try and grasp Alice’s arm. Still dazed by the alcohol and cocaine, feeling a bit needy and wanting comfort.

“You know, you’re a lot more interesting than I thought. I always just figured you were some straight-edge prude. Too judgemental and high-and-mighty for your own good…”

(He laughed softly, his voice still slurred)

“But you’re not like that at all, are you? You’re kind and patient, and… well, maybe a little naive. But in a good way.”

Adam looked at him for a moment, his eyes studying their face. There’s something about them that he can’t quite put his finger on, something that intrigues him despite his drug-induced haze.

“You’re… not what I expected. You’re like this tough exterior, but on the inside… you’re soft. You care too much.”

Alice smiled shily and sat there awkwardly, not knowing how to respond to that, hating how easily this guy could see through him. Is he that easy to read?... or did Adam just got lucky to assume that of him?... somehow he just accepted the compliment.

Alice

“Shut up, you are still high…”

(he sighed and stared at the ceiling)

“How long does it take for the coke to come down?..”

Adam

(He chuckled, his mind still clouded by the drug)

“I… I don’t know, man. Probably a few hours, maybe more. It depends on how much I snorted, you know? My sense of time is all messed up right now. Maybe a few hours, maybe an hour, I have no clue…”

Alice

(he furrowed with concern)

“How many lines did you did? or grams. Whatever, I don’t know about that kind of stuff.” 

Adam

(He closes his eyes, trying to remember through the haze)

“I don’t know… maybe three lines? or was it four? I can’t remember… I also had a few shots and a couple of beers. I’m pretty messed up right now, man.”

(he looked at Alice again, his gaze still a bit unfocused)

“You must think I’m such a mess, huh? I’m laying here, messed up on drugs, making a fool of myself. You’re probably regretting staying here with me, aren’t you? You should go. I’m not worth your time.”

Alice

(he quickly stood up)

“No, I’ll stay… You asked me to stay for a bit. And I cannot leave you like this, So…” 

He walked up to the kitchen, looking around the kitchen. Opening the cabinets and the freezer. Mostly everything was easy and fast to cook, a lot of ramen, pasta, and frozen foods, along with a stack of cold beers in his fridge, nothing actually healthy to eat in a regular. Quick preps and foods. It clearly shows how Adam’s life is unbalanced and not healthy, fitting in his personality and current life style.

“Jesus… how long haven’t you eaten properly?”

Adam

(He shrugged, still sprawled on the couch. His body still felt heavy and sluggish)

“I don’t know, man. I’ve been living off of beer and delivery for a few days now… maybe longer. I don’t even remember. When I’m high, food isn’t really on my mind, you know?”

Alice frowned and opened the fridge, starting to look and roam through it. Adam did have food to prepare. But everything was sealed and untouched, he grabbed a packet of chicken breast.

Alice

“All this food… is going to waste soon.”

Adam

(he shrugged again, his voice casual but still groggy)

“It’s no big deal. I’m used to it. I just don’t have the energy or the motivation to cook. I rather just order food, eat takeout, or have some beers. It’s just easier that way.”

Alice brought out some more chicken, he rummaged through the fridge. Pulling out lemons, and some vegetables. Leaving them on the kitchen counter, and started to open the cabinets, searching for more ingredients and spices.

Adam watched him curiously from the couch, feeling out of it. He can’t remember the last time someone cooked for him.

Adam

“What are you doing, dude? Is-... are you making food?”

Alice quickly grabbed the black hair tie on his wrist, pulled his hair up in a ponytail, and nodded, rolling his sleeves up.

Alice

“Yeah, just stay there.”

He started preparing the chicken, letting it marinate in lemon with spices on it. Like: Pepper, salt, and garlic powder. Then starting to cook rice, and some salad along with it. After a few minutes of grilling the chicken. He plated everything and brought it up to Adam on the couch. A side of salad, a portion of rice, and chicken.

“Here, let me bring you water.”

Did Alice just prepared him a balanced plate?... 

Adam looked down at the food in front of him, feeling his stomach rumble. Suddenly aware of how hungry he is. How long he’s gone without a proper meal?

Adam

“You really made all of this, just for me? I-... I don’t even know what to say.”

(Grabbing the silverware in hand, he took a bite of the chicken. His eyes widen in surprise)

“Mnngh! Damn, this is actually really good. You can cook, huh? Who thought that the straight-edge kid could cook?”

(He started eating more, his body craving the food and his mind slowly clearing. With each bite he feels a bit more sober, a bit more grounded in reality again)

“You’re really something. You’ve been taking care of me all afternoon, even though I’ve been nothing but a pain in the ass.”

Alice

(he brought the cup of water and handed it to Adam)

“Just,” he sighed and shook his head slowly

“Just eat your food…”

Adam took the water and took a sip. The cold liquid felt refreshing against his dry throat. Watching Alice for a moment, noticing the frustration in their voice.

Adam

“Hey, you okay? You seem upset. Is it because I’m such a mess right now? Is it too much to deal with?”

Alice

(he shook his head in disagreement)

“No, it’s okay. Uhh… Where’s your bathroom?”

Adam

(he pointed at the second floor)

“It’s right up there, down the hall, first door on the left.”

Adam watched Alice walk down the hall, wondering if he was just trying to get some breath away from him. Adam couldn’t blame him, he knows he’s not exactly easy to deal with, especially when he’s in this state.

Alice walked inside the bathroom, closing the door behind him. Watching himself in the mirror thoughtfully, not making much of it. He did his things and walked out. Making his way downstairs to the living room again.

Alice

“You done?”

He saw how Adam’s plate was almost empty. Adam looked down at his now empty plate, his stomach satisfied with the first proper meal he’d had in a long time.

Adam

“Yeah, I’m done. Thanks. That was really good. I didn’t realize how hungry I was. I’ve been surviving on beer and takeout for a bit too long, I think.”

(He leaned back into the couch, feeling the last of his high fading away. He looked up to Alice, feeling grateful for his presence)

“Hey, listen. I know I’ve been an ass to you, and I don’t deserve it, but… I appreciate you being here. You didn’t have to stay, yet you did.”

(he rubbed his forehead, a mixture of embarrassment and shame in his voice)

“I… I’m a mess, I know that. I know I’m a waste of space, a disappointment. And yet… you’re here with me, taking care of me for the afternoon. I don’t get it. Why did you bother?”

Alice

(he shrugged)

“I don’t know… I thought you just needed a little company and that’s it…”

(he let out a sigh and started gathering his things)

“Well, you seem better. I made enough chicken and rice for the week. You just microwave it and about the salad… I think you can manage to do one each time you eat.”

Adam nodded, feeling touched by Alice’s thoughtfulness. He’s not used to someone taking care of him like this, especially not someone like them.

Adam

“Thanks. I really appreciate it, you didn’t have to go this far.”

(He stared down, feeling bashful)

“I know I don’t deserve it. I know I’m a mess, and still, you gave me company, you cooked for me, and you took care of me. Why?”

Alice was starting to get tired of his self-contempt and questions, with a sigh he walked up to the door with his things in hand.

Alice

“I don’t know. Good night Adam, take care of yourself…”

With that said, Alice walked out. Adam watched as he did feeling a mix of gratefulness and confusion. He wanted to ask him to stay, to not leave him alone yet. But Adam knew he didn’t have the right to ask.

“G-… Good night.”

Adam stayed seated on the couch for a moment after Alice left, feeling a sense of emptiness once again. Glancing over to the kitchen, thinking of the chicken and rice they left for him, and sighs. He was such a mess, such a wreck. But for some reason, they cared. Despite everything, they cared. Adam stood up, feeling shaky but now a bit more grounded in reality. Walking over to the kitchen and putting the leftovers in the refrigerator, making a mental note to actually eat something tomorrow. He walked back to the couch and lay down, feeling a wave of fatigue wash over him. Closing his eyes, his mind replayed the events of the day over and over. He can’t shake the feeling of being cared for, even just a little. Making a silent promise to himself to try and be better, to try and be someone caring for. With that thought in mind, he slowly drifted off into a peaceful sleep. As the night unfolded, Adam’s sleep remained undisturbed. Hours passed, and the apartment became quiet and still. 

The first light of dawn filters through the living room blinds. Adam slowly stirred awake, his head felt clear, and the remnants of the drug-induced haze finally lifted. He sat up slowly, rubbing his eyes and taking in his surroundings. The sunlight peeking through the windows reminded him of the events of the previous afternoon. Glancing over at the kitchen, still not believing that Alice had cooked for him and taken care of him in his most vulnerable moment.

He got up and walked over to the kitchen, opening the refrigerator and seeing the leftover chicken and rice Alice had prepared for him. His stomach growled, a reminder of his morning hunger. Grabbing a plate pouring some food in it and microwaving it, waiting next to the microwave for it to heat up.

As he waited for the food to warm up. Adam walked over to the living room and looked around. The apartment still had a messy, chaotic feel to it, evidence of his recent neglect. The microwave dings, signaling that the food is ready, taking it out and sitting at the small dining table, eating his breakfast in the complete silence of his apartment aside from the sound of cars passing on the street, and people passing and talking outside the building. The food still tasted good, reminding him of the care and thought Alice put into it.

Adam finally finished eating, his stomach satisfied. He glanced over at the couch thoughtfully, still rumpled from the previous night’s activities. He couldn’t help but feel a sense of embarrassment at how Alice found him, high out of his mind and barely coherent in the street.

Alice and Adam didn’t saw each other after that day. Neither one of them had the other’s number. Just their names first names. Even though Alice knew where Adam lived, he didn’t showed up, not even to check on him. After all, it was just a one-time thing. They barely knew each other.

Weeks passed by, and Adam found himself back in his old routine. Parties, one-night stands, and drugs. He couldn’t shake the memory of Alice, of the night he took care of him. But as time went on, he slowly convinced himself that it was a one-time thing, a moment of weakness, a show of kindness, and nothing more.

Adam tried to push him out of his mind, to forget the feeling of being cared for after not being taken off in such a while. But no matter how hard he partied or how much he tried to numb himself with drugs. The loneliness caught up to him and the memory of the red-haired lingered in the back of his mind, a small flicker of light in the darkness.

Chapter Text

It was a hot day Alice was walking down Hawthorn Avenue heading to work when he heard a car beeping behind him. He didn’t mind it, not really paying attention to it. Since it may be honking to someone else or to another car. But the yellow Jeep honked at him repeatedly, he finally turned slightly to look behind over his shoulder, puzzled.

Adam was driving down the Aveneu when he saw Alice walking on the sidewalk. He had to do a double-take, not believing that he was actually seeing him again. Without thinking, he slowed down and began honking, trying to get their attention. Waiting for Alice to turn around and notice, he tried to maintain his eyes on the road. A mix of nervousness and anticipation. When they finally looked back in confusion, he couldn’t help but feel a rush of relief and excitement. He drove closer to the sidewalk, as he slowed down. Adam rolled down the window down.

“Hey, Alice! Over here!”

Adam called out, his voice betraying his surprise. He hadn’t expected to run into him like this, but he couldn’t deny that he was excited to see him. Alice kept walking, keeping up with the slow pace of the Jeep.

Alice

(He seemed weird out to run into Adam once again)

“Adam? What-... What do you want, dude?”

Adam

(He chuckled, feeling a bit thrown off by their bluntness)

“Can I give you a ride or something? It’s hot as hell out here, and you look like you’ve been walking for a while.”

Alice

(He sighed and nodded)

“Pull over…”

Alice said raising his voice slightly so Adam could hear him from the street. Adam nodded and quickly pulled over to the side of the road to the sidewalk, he watched Alice walk up to the passenger side of the Jeep, opening the door and hopping in. As Alice got in the car, he took a moment to appreciate seeing him again. There was a small moment of silence before he spoke up.

Adam

“So, where are you headed? I can give you a lift if you want.”

Adam looked over at Alice, studying their expression. He couldn’t help but notice how they seemed a bit closed off than the last time he saw each other, but he wanted to make it up to him from last time.

“Or… I could just drop you off somewhere. Whatever you want.”

(He shrugged, trying to play it cool even though his heart is racing)

Alice

(He put on the seat belt and looked over to Adam)

“Are you high?...”

(He asked him with a serious tone, his eyes serious)

Adam

(He glanced over at him, taken aback by the question)

“What? No, not right now.”

He said honestly, feeling a pang of guilt for his past behavior. Adam sighed, drumming his fingers on the steering wheel to ease his nerves and excitement as they waited for their turn at a traffic light. He couldn’t deny it, it was a bit awkward.

“Listen, man… about that night. I know I was a mess. And I know I was a pain in the ass. But… I want to apologize. I was high as a kite and I wasn’t in my right mind.”

He looked over at him, trying to gauge Alice’s reaction. Not sure what to expect, but he feels a sense of vulnerability at this moment like he’s laid bare all his flaws and mistakes in front of him.

“I just wanted to say thanks. For taking care of me that night. I know I didn’t deserve it. But you still did it anyway.”

(He paused, his voice softened)

Alice

(He stared back at him and shily smiled awkwardly at him)

“It’s okay, uh, anyway. I gotta go to the Hello Kitty store. At Ovation Hollywood?.. yeah, um.”

(He said slightly embarrassed)

Adam raised an eyebrow in surprise, expecting him to be going somewhere more mundane, like the grocery store or the bank. But Ovation Hollywood? And the Hello Kitty store?  He can’t help but find their destination a bit cute. 

Adam

“Ovation Hollywood, huh? And the Hello Kitty store? That’s… unexpected. But cool, I guess.”

Alice

(He frowned)

“Firstable, don’t make fun of me jackass! I work there, I was on my way to work.”

Adam

(He smirked at their reaction, finding Alice’s irritation adorable)

“Wow, chill man. I’m not making fun of you. I think it’s cool. You work at a Hello Kitty store, that’s pretty badass.”

Alice

“Well, I used to work at hot topic. But a stupid emo girl stole my job… so almost across the plaza there was the Hello Kitty store, but you aren’t into Sanrio, you’re more into drugs, right?”

As soon as they arrived at the shopping center Alice hopped out of Adam’s Jeep and shut the door with a not-so-hard slam.

“Thank you for the ride, um…”

(He leaned closer through the door's window)

“How are you doing?...”

He asked sincerely but he didn’t want to indulge too much, not wanting to give a different impression or open any kind of inexistent doors for Adam. Since he doesn’t want to get involved with him. Alice quickly changed his concerned demeanor, tapping away his worry on the door with his finger.

“Okay, anyway… DON’T YOU DARE COME BY MY JOB! Don’t you bring coke into such a dreamy place and safe place for little kids, you hear me?!”

(He frowned fakely angrily and pointed a finger at him)

“Alright. I’m heading to work now…”

He said nothing more and with that, he began jay walk the street to cross and walk towards the shopping center, probably disappearing from Adam’s life again. Gosh, did they just become acquaintances?...

Adam chuckled at their playful warning, finding Alice’s sudden switch in demeanor endearing, the whole rambling, and their crazy way to quickly change topics.

Adam

“Yeah, yeah, I promise, no coke at the Hello Kitty store. Wouldn’t dream of ruining the pure innocence of that place!”

He called out as he watched Alice walk away, feeling a mix of disappointment and strange affection. Adam knew he shouldn’t care so much about someone he barely knew, but there was something about Alice that drew him in. He watched as they disappeared into the shopping center, he tried to shake the nagging feeling of looking forward to seeing him again.

Adam sat there in his Jeep for a few moments, staring at the spot where Alice had just been sitting. He knew he should drive off, and go about his usual routine. But found himself feeling restless, like something was missing. He couldn’t explain himself. He shook his head, trying to clear his thoughts. It was probably just a passing fancy, a result of his loneliness. But as he started driving away, he couldn’t shake the image of Alice at the Hello Kitty store out of his mind…

For the rest of the day, Adam couldn’t focus. His mind kept drifting back to Alice. To the way he had taken care of him when he was in such a bad state. He tried to push the thoughts aside, to focus on his usual routine of partying and drugs. But nothing seemed to distract him. No matter what he did, he couldn’t shake the feeling that he wanted to see him again.

Throughout the day Adam found himself wondering what it would be like to talk to that guy again. To learn more about him. He tried to rationalize it, telling himself that it was just a passing fancy. That he didn’t really care about him. But the more he thought about it, the more he realized that the feeling was stronger than he wanted to admit.

The day drew to a close and Adam was done with his college hours for the day, he was very distracted during classes. With a sigh, he made his way out of campus weirdly enough ignoring everyone as if he were trying to run away from the place or from any interpersonal encounter with friends and chicks.

He made his way to the campus parking lot and got on his Jeep. Tossing his leather messenger bag and things inside without a care. He sat there, in the driver’s seat. Feeling restless and frustrated Adam let out another heavy sigh realizing he was getting nowhere. He’d spent the entire day trying to distract himself, and nothing had worked.

And just like that, he found himself making a decision. It was impulsive and irrational, but he couldn’t shake the feeling that it was the right thing to do. With the Jeep keys in hand, he started the engine and pulled the car out of the parking lot, and began driving away from college. He didn’t know if Alice would be working late or if he already finished his shift, but he had to try. He has to see him.

As he drove and neared the plaza, he felt a mixture of excitement and nervousness. What was he doing? He barely knew the guy. And yet, he knew he had to see him again.

He arrived, parking his Jeep on the sidewalk, and getting out. He walks towards the shopping center and makes his way to the Hello Kitty store. Adam walked into the store, taking in the pastel-colored walls and the array of cute Hello Kitty merchandise. The store was mostly empty, with just a few customers browning the aisles. He looked around for Alice, but he didn’t see him anywhere around the tender retail store.

Suddenly Alice came out from the storage room. Wearing a Hello Kitty apron and carrying a cardboard box full of merchandise. 

Adam caught the sight of Alice emerging from the back of the store wearing the adorable Hello Kitty apron as the store employee uniform. His heart skipped a beat, and Adam couldn’t help but smile. He watched as Alice busied himself with unpacking the merchandise, completely unaware of his presence.

He took a moment to just observe him, taking in their focused expression and the way he handled the merchandise with care. He stood there, feeling that same mixture of nervousness and awkwardness from before because he didn’t know how to approach him. He knew he should say something, but he was afraid of disturbing him. Finally, he found his voice,

Adam

(He cleared his throat gently, not wanting to startle Alice)

“Ahem… Hey, Alice?”

Alice

(He looked over his shoulder, a frown immediately showed on his face)

“Ugh, you again? What are you doing here?? I told you not to come around! What are you doing here anyway, planning on buying a plushie for a chick you’re boning?”

(He mumbled under his breath so other customers couldn’t hear him)

Adam’s smirk widened at their playful annoyance, finding his feisty attitude strangely endearing. He walked closer, stopping just a few feet away from Alice.

Adam

“Yeah, you got me. I just missed the sound of your witty banter. That’s all…”

Alice

(He raised an eyebrow in confusion, he didn’t get it)

“Uh… Why? We barely know each other.”

Alice began stacking the merch on the retail shelves, trying to focus on his job.

Adam leaned against a nearby shelf, trying to act casual even though he was feeling anything but casual. He watched as Alice continued stacking the merch, feeling a pang of attraction as the red-haired went about his work.

Adam

“I know we don’t know each other that well. But there’s something about you, Alice. I can’t explain it, but I just…” He took a breath “I want to get to know you more. I want to know everything about you.”

There was a pause in between them almost as if the world around them froze in time and everything went silent despite the sound of the other customers in the store. Alice stood there staring at him in silence, the atmosphere felt strangely different… intimate perchance?

Alice grimaced in disgust. Almost as if a bucket of freezing cold water was dumped on Adam, waking him up from his weird fantasy with that expression. His mood dropped immediately, almost completely comical.

Alice

“Eugh… We aren’t in a movie, dude. Get over yourself, if you want it to come out as poetic. It definitely didn’t, you made me cringe.”

(He chuckled humorlessly grabbing the box with him and moving  to another shelf)

Adam

(He chuckled at their bluntness)

“Yeah, yeah, I know. It did sound a bit cheesy. But I meant every word, Alice. I’m not trying to be poetic or anything. I genuinely want to get to know you.” 

(He pushed himself off the shelf and walked behind Alice. Picking up a small Hello Kitty plushie)

“I just can’t get you off my mind, man.”

(He turned the plushie in his hands, studying it as if it held the answers to his confused mind)

“I’ve been trying to tell myself it’s just a passing thing, but I can’t shake it. I keep thinking about you, wondering what you’re like when you’re not being all grumpy.”

Adam grinned, hoping to earn another faux-annoyed reaction from the guy in front of him. And he did, Alice rolled his eyes in annoyance and scoffed.

Alice

“Firstable! I’m not good with new people. I always come out as mean and probably rude whenever people try to get to know me, for some reason.” he let out a tired sigh “I can’t help it, it’s not personal I swear.”

He grabbed another box full of Hello Kitty plushies and opened it on the floor with a cutter from his apron, making a sound as he sliced the tape, kneeling down to grab the plushies and stacking them on the last floor of the retail shelve. Adam chuckled once again at their honest response, finding Alice’s bluntness oddly endearing.

Adam

“Oh, trust me, I’ve noticed. You’re not exactly the definition of a ray of sunshine.”

(He sets the plushie back on the shelf and moves closer to Alice, watching as he restock the plushies)

“But I find that endearing, in a way. I like how straightforward you are. It’s refreshing.”

Adam couldn’t help but let his gaze linger on them, noticing the way their fingers moved as they handled the plushies, the way their fringe fell across their mole-sprinkled forehead. Alice let out a huff and stood up.

Alice

“Adam…”

(His gaze locked with Adam’s)

“If you think just because we met at that party, and I helped you. Somehow make us friends. Let me tell you that it doesn’t and I want nothing to do with you.”

(He crossed his arms across his chest, closing himself off)

“I swear, I know you aren’t a bad guy. I just-... I don’t want to get involved in your world. I’m not that kind of person.”

Adam frowned at their words, feeling a pang of disappointment but overall that. Offense. He tried to hide his emotion behind a neutral expression, but his tone showed otherwise.

Adam

“What do you mean, ‘my world’? You don’t even know me, not really. You’re just judging me based on… what, one party where I got high off my ass? That’s not fair, man.”

Alice

(He frowned once again)

“And what about last time? You were wandering on the streets completely drunk and high as fuck. I may not know you completely, but I know some things so far by what I’ve seen. I can’t bear myself seeing an ‘acquaintance’ like that?! knowing that they’re high or doing drugs left to right like nothing’s wrong.”

Adam

(He sighed while running a hand through his dark tousled brunette hair)

“Alright, fair point. I can be a mess sometimes, I’ll admit it. But that’s not all there is to me. There’s more to me than just partying and getting high, you know? I have deeper stuff going on, I just don’t always show it or let it out. But that doesn’t mean I’m not worth getting to know. I’m not that one-dimensional.”

(He said with an upset and hurt but firm tone. Taking a step closer to him, trying and wanting to make him understand)

“Look, I know I’m not perfect. Far from it, actually. But I don’t want you to just write me off based on my mistakes and flaws. I want you to see what’s behind all that. Is that too much to ask? Is that seriously that unfair?”

Alice

(He bit his lip down hesitant and unsure. A feeling of guilt, shame, and remorse surge in him)

“Adam, I’m not like you. I’m far from it. What do you want exactly, to become friends? We have nothing in common.”

Adam shrugged in an attempt to appear nonchalant even though, he hoped internally for Alice to give him an opportunity.

Adam

“Maybe we don’t have anything in common. Maybe we come from different ‘worlds’. But who says that can’t change? Who says we can’t find something in common if we get to know each other better?”

Alice

“Dude, I don’t understand. Why of all the people in the world, do you choose me to want to become friends? Is it because I’m ‘different’, and I don’t do all the things you do?”

(He stepped close, invading Adam’s personal space menacingly and pointing at the door. He leaned closer and whispered in a stern voice)

“Don’t come by my job, dude.”

(reaching for Adam’s pants pocket, squeezing it. Feeling a small bag with what felt like ‘powder’)

“Not when you have this shit on you.”

Adam felt his whole body tense up when the other guy squeezed the bag through the fabric in his pocket, sensing a pang of guilt shooting inside him. He didn’t remember the fact that he still had some of his stash with him.

Adam

“Yeah, alright. I won’t come by again, I promise. And I’ll get rid of this…”

Fishing coke out of his pocket, holding it up for them to see. Alice’s jaw dropped at the sight, his eyes widened like plates in shock. The color on his face almost immediately drained off, slapping Adam’s hand away.

Alice

“Put that away imbecile!” 

(He whispered trying not to catch anyone’s attention around them, he was more than startled)

 “There’s fucking cameras here! They’ll think I’m on some shady shit! I’ll lose my job!”

Adam

(Quickly shoving the bag back in his pocket, realizing his mistake)

“Whoa, sorry. I wasn’t thinking. I didn’t mean to get you in trouble…”

Adam glanced around nervously, the thought that someone might have seen their interaction. Alice let out an infuriated sigh, he looked extremely pissed. With that, he pointed at the door again.

Alice

“Get the fuck out.”

He murmured sternly. Adam could tell how beyond pissed he was, knowing it was his fault. He nodded, feeling bad about the whole situation.

Adam

“Yeah, alright… I’m going. Sorry about all this, Alice.”

Hesitating for a moment, he wanted to say something more, but knowing it probably was not the right time. Adam began walking towards the door, feeling a mix of disappointment and guilt. As he reached the door, he didn’t help himself and turned back for a moment.

“Just… Just think about what I said, alright? I do want to get to know you, Alice. I’m not just saying that. Even though you’re grumpy and mean, you’re also… pretty cool.”

With that, Adam gave him a small smile, trying to hide the fact that he was hoping for some sort of positive response from them. But he knew they were still pissed. Keeping his expectations low, with that he gave one last look at them. He turned and walked out of the store, heading back to his Jeep on the sidewalk.

As he got back into his Jeep, he couldn’t stop thinking and replaying the conversation they just had. Adam knew he messed up, both by bringing coke to Alice’s workplace and by asking him to get to know them better when he made it clear that he didn’t want anything to do with him. He feels guilty for putting him in an uncomfortable situation. But at the same time, he can’t shake the feeling that there’s something about them that just draws him in.

Adam started his Jeep and drove away, his mind raced with thoughts of Alice. He couldn’t help but wonder if he’d made things even worse between them both by being so persistent. As he drove in silence, he told himself that he should just forget about it, about him. To move on with his life, and find someone else to be interested in. But deep down, he knows that it’s not that simple. At least not anymore…

Chapter Text

A week later.

Alice was at the Hello Kitty store once again, working his shift. When he caught a glance of Adam walking around outside the store through the shop windows. He huffed and rolled his eyes. The bells tinkled when the door opened and he popped his head out.

Alice

“Excuse me, can I help you? Are you stalking me or something?”

He said with an annoyed and questioning tone. Adam turned around. A mix of surprise and relief spread inside him at seeing Alice. He smiled sheepishly, the memories of how he left things last time began to creep in. Making him feel bad.

Adam

“No, I’m not stalking you. I swear. I’m just, um… passing by. I was in the area.”

He was aware of how lame his excuse was and could tell that Alice wasn’t buying it. Alice walked out of the store, crossing his arms over his chest.

Alice

“You know, if you keep pacing and walking around outside the store. People might think you’re a pedo instead of a junkie.”

Adam winced at their bluntness, but he knew he deserved it after the last time he was there. He rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly and spoke up.

Adam

“Yeah, I know. I’m sorry about last time, man. I wasn’t thinking straight. But I promise, I’m not stalking you. I just…”

He trailed off, not sure of how to explain his motives without sounding like a fool and a weirdo. Taking a deep breath he steeled himself for their next reaction.

“I just wanted to see you again, alright? I can’t stop thinking about you, even though I know I probably shouldn’t. The more you tell me to leave you alone, the more I want to get to know you. It’s like your grumpy attitude just makes me more interested somehow.”

(He let out a bitter chuckle, feeling frustrated with himself)

“I know it sounds dumb, and you’re probably gonna call me an idiot again. But it’s the truth. I can’t get you out of my head, no matter how hard I try. And I know I have no right to ask anything from you, given my… habits and lifestyle. But I just wanted to see you again, even if only for a moment. Even if you tell me to get lost afterward.”

(He looked up at Alice, trying to gauge their reaction. But his expression was just as difficult to read as always)

“So… that’s why I’m here. Take it how you want. I’m not gonna push you into anything, I swear.”

Alice

(He sighed)

“You!... Jesus. You’re being a pain in the ass just because you want to be friends, and I’m clean? Dude you’re fucking annoying and nuts and I hate you and I want to kill you!”

(he grunted in annoyance and irritation as he rambled, bringing his hands up to his face and began pacing around in desperation)

“Okay, that was a joke. I joke in a weird way about what I feel! I promise it is completely unintentional.”

As Alice kept rambling and trying to explain himself. Adam raised an eyebrow, a small smile played at the corner of his lips. He can’t help but find their bluntness and twisted sense of humor kind of endearing in a weird way.

Adam

“You joke about feeling like committing homicide? Pfft! Nice, I think I’m starting to like you more already.”

(He took a step closer to Alice, feeling a bit bolder now that he’s not actively trying to get rid of him)

“So… does that mean you don’t completely hate me? Even though I’m a pain in the ass and I’m annoying and nuts and you hate me?”

Alice

(He looked up from between his hands with a confused frown)

“You’re an idiot. You just literally asked me if that means I don’t hate you, and then at the end, you said I hate you. That makes no sense, the coke is really frying your brains, dude.”

Adam grinned, amused by their reaction. He knows he’s being confusing and nonsensical, but he can’t seem to help it around them.

Adam

“Yeah, I guess that did come out kind of muddled. Sorry about that.”

He paused thoughtfully, running a hand through his hair, feeling a little self-conscious now. He then looked at them again, and all the self-consciousness began to melt away. Taking another step closer, closing the distance between them.

“But for real, though. Do you actually hate me? Like, a hundred percent? Or just kind of?”

Adam looked into their eyes, trying to gauge his true feelings despite their sarcastic responses. He can’t quite tell if they’re faking their annoyance or if they do hate him. Adam found himself wanting to know the answer, no matter how brutal it might be. Alice took a breath and sighed it out.

Alice

“Okay, Adam. I don’t hate you, I have no reason to do so. I just… I don’t know. I- we’re different. You said it yourself, ‘We’re like water and Oil. We can not mix.’ quoting your own words. Why are you trying to be friends with me? When I’ve been treating you like the pest… WHICH I’m sorry for.”

Adam shook his head, and once again a small smile tugged at the corner of his lips.

Adam

“It’s okay, I know I can be a pain in the ass. And I also know we’re different. But that’s kinda the point, man. I like that about you. You’re not like anyone else I know. You’re genuine, no bullshit.”

Alice

(He smiled sheepishly with a pout and looked away awkwardly)

“Yeah, right… Anyway. I gotta get back to work, Adam.”

(He started walking up to the store’s door, stopping before getting inside, and turning around to talk to him)

“You’re not a bad guy, I know. I’m just- I don’t want a friend like you. 

Constantly having in my consciousness the thought that you may be inhaling that shit, and overdosing…”

Adam frowned slightly as he heard Alice’s words. He knew that he had a point and that his drug use was a valid concern. Adam couldn’t help but feel a pang of disappointment at their rejection nonetheless.

Adam

“Yeah, I get it. I know I’m not exactly a good influence, or a healthy person to be around. But I…”

He paused, trying to find the right words to say. Adam took a deep breath and looked at him, his expression was now serious.

“I just can’t help the way I feel. I wish I could just turn it off, and stop being interested in you. But I can’t. I don’t know why, but there’s something about you that draws me in. And I can’t shake the feeling that we could be good for each other, even if it’s in a weird, messed up way.”

Alice furrowed softly, staring at him with melancholic sympathy. Did he feel… touched? just for a split second.

Damn… ‘messed up way’?

Alice

“...”

He stood there in silence for a moment, and without a word, he walked in. Leaving Adam hanging there, stunned by his action. The only sound that was heard was the bells jingling when the door opened. Adam stood there in silence for a couple of seconds, it seemed like Alice wasn’t going to come out anymore. But when he turned around and was about to leave, Alice came back out from the inside. Extending his arm out, handing him a Post-it with numbers on it.

“Here.”

Adam blinked in surprise as he came back out and handed him over the little piece of paper. He stared at the numbers written on it, trying to figure out what it meant.

Adam

(He said with a puzzled look on his face)

“What’s this?”

Alice

“It’s a code for the cure of cancer and HIV in my secret lab.”

(He said with sarcasm)

“My number you idiot! What fucking else do you think the numbers are for?!”

(He huffed)

“Call me, or text me if you need something. To hang or whatever shit you want to do. Just don’t overdo it, I might change my phone number if you do.”

Adam tried to hold back his laugh at their response, his sarcasm still as strong as ever. But on the inside, he’s relieved and excited at the fact that Alice agreed to let him contact him.

Adam

“Alright, alright. I won’t overload you with texts or calls, I promise. I’ll be the most respectful and polite person you’ve ever met. You won’t even know I exist, I’ll be subtle.”

(He smirked, his eyes sparkled with amusement. Enjoying their snarky banter, he couldn’t help but want to tease him further)

“And what if I want to be anything but subtle? What if I want to annoy the hell out of you?”

Alice

(He rolled his eyes annoyed with a subtle grin)

“Well, I could block you and change jobs, plus cities. Eat my phone and there you go. No more calls or texts.”

Adam grinned back at him, totally enjoying the way Alice played his game. He can’t help but feel drawn in by their humor.

Adam

“Damn, changing cities and eating your phone? That’s quite the extreme way to avoid a guy, don’t you think? I’m flattered.”

He chuckled, the thought of him going to such lengths to avoid him made him feel a little bit special, in a strange way.

“Well, I suppose I won’t annoy you too much then. I don’t want to force you into anything that extreme. I’ll just settle for a few innocent texts and calls here and there, to let you know I’m still around.”

Alice

(He nodded)

“Please do, I don’t want to hear from the local news that you went stiff and started spitting foam out of your mouth. ”

(He opened the store’s door, once again making the bells tinkle)

“Well… I gotta get back to work. See you around…”

Adam

(He chuckled at their blunt comment, finding a weird comfort in their brutal honesty. He nodded, stuffing the note Alice gave him in his jacket pocket)

“Yeah, I’ll call you soon. Have a good shift, and don’t let anyone try to steal plushies from you.”

Alice

(He chuckled with a last nod. Narrowing his eyes)

“I’ll beat their asses if they try… Bye, Adam!”

Alice finally walked in to continue his job. Adam watched him walk back inside the Hello Kitty store, a small smile on his face. He couldn’t help but feel a little bit hopeful about the future, despite the challenges that lay ahead.

Adam

“Goodbye, Alice.”

He said softly, as he started walking his way out of the shopping center and up to his car. Once he got in his car and started it, he took out the note Alice had given him and looked at it again. He couldn’t believe he had actually given him their phone number. After all the times Alice had told him to get lost, they practically invited him to get in touch with them.

Adam sat there for a moment, just admiring the little piece of paper. Then typed their number into his phone, saving it with a smirk as “Grumpy Cat”. He knew he had to resist the urge to immediately send him a text message, so he put his phone away and started driving home.

As he drove, his thoughts kept drifting back to Alice. He couldn’t stop thinking about their sarcastic comments and their snarky attitude.

There was something about him that was unlike anyone he had ever met before. They were blunt and ruse, but also honest and real. 

And for some reason that kept him hooked.

Chapter Text

A few days passed after that event.

Alice was at home, spending the rest of his day and free time after work alone by himself like every other day. He has always been a lonely person, that's what he has known for as long as he can remember. Following his usual monotone routine. Sprawled in bed, scrolling through his phone, lonely, tired, and unrequited.

Adam was at home as well, lying down on his couch watching TV after attending his college hours of the day, and he had a recent hookup. He had waited a few days before sending Alice a text message, trying not to overdo it and come as too eager as he had promised. But he couldn't resist the urge any longer, it had been 4-6 days! He pulled out his phone from his pocket and quickly typed out a text.

[Unknown]

<("Hey grumpy cat, it's me. Just checking in on you.")

Alice furrowed confused as the notification popped up on his screen. A text message from an unknown number?

He opened the notification and replied quickly.

[Alice]

("Grumpy Cat?.. Who's this.")>

Adam chuckled as he read their reply, a grin spread across his face, and typed back.

[Unknown]

<("It's Adam, dumbass. Do you give your number out to many people or what?")

[Alice]

("Maybe I do :P. I go around the city giving it out telling people I give free BJs. OF COURSE, I DO NOT IDIOT. I just didn't know it was you.")>

("And... Seriously? Grumpy Cat? You know. I actually hate cats.")>

Adam bursted out laughing at their response, surprised by the unexpected comment.

[Me]

("Damn, that's good to know. And now I know that you hate cats. Noted.")>

("And for the 'grumpy cat' nickname... well, it's fitting, don't you think? You're always so grumpy and pissed off.")>

Adam paused for a moment before sending another message.

[Me]

("But then again, I kinda like that about you. Your smartass attitude actually makes me want to annoy you more. I guess I'm a masochist or something.")>

[Grumpy Cat]

<("You're fucking weird, man.")

<("Wait, are you high rn?...")

Adam snickered at their text, amused by how predictable they were.

[Me]

("What if I am? You gonna be mad at me for it? Go ahead, yell at me some more. I could use a good scolding from you right now.")>

He sent his response and then out of impulse, sent a selfie of himself with his tongue sticking out, clearly high and carefree on his couch.

[Grumpy Cat]

<("You son of a bitch. Don't text me when you're high. You'll probably send me a dick pic or something, and I want nothing to do with that. Even if it's for your shits and giggles.")

Adam barked out a laugh at their response, completely amused by their reaction. He typed out a message back, his fingers moving quickly over the screen.

[Me]

("Ouch, grumpy cat. And here I thought we were beginning to form a bond. I was just trying to be friendly and show you a cute pic of my face. But fine, you want me to wait until I'm sober before talking to you? I guess I can be a good boy for you.")>

He smirked as he pressed send, his mind already racing with all the possibilities the conversation held. He leaned back on his couch, feeling a wave of excitement and anticipation wash over him. He had no idea where this was leading, but he was sure as hell enjoying the ride.

[Grumpy Cat]

<("What the fuck is that supposed to mean you kinky shit?? Get a grip, Adam. I cannot deal with you high.")

He let out a low chuckle.

[Me]

("Oh come on, grumpy cat, it was just a harmless joke. But I can't help it, I'm a bit of a rebel. But fine, I'll behave from now on. I'll wait until I sober up before texting you again, promise. But you have to promise not to be too grumpy with me when I do. Deal?")>

[Grumpy Cat]

<("Fine... Good night, Adam.")

He smiled at his response, feeling a pang of disappointment at having to wait to text him again. But he knew it was for the best.

[Me]

("Good night, grumpy cat. Sleep well. Try to dream about me, alright? ;).")>

[Grumpy Cat]

<("Fuck off slut.")

9:15 p.m.

He chuckled at his response, enjoying their witty banter.

[Me]

("Ouch! grumpy cat. You really know how to hurt a guy's feelings. But I guess that's just part of your charm. Sweet dreams, you grumpy bastard.")>

9:16 p.m.

Delivered.

Adam put his phone aside and leaned back against the couch cushions, still smiling to himself.

It was strange how he was already having so much fun texting back and forth with Alice. There was something about him that just made the interaction more enjoyable, even if they were being rude to him half the time. Adam couldn’t wait to see what else the future held.

Two weeks passed by after that day. Adam and Alice didn’t text much in the span of those weeks. Well, at least not as much as Adam desired, but something ia something. Just a few regular check-ins and some ‘Hi’s’ and ‘Good nights’ thrown there. Despite their lack of deeper communication. They seemed to get along just a little bit better, even though it was just through a screen.

That day, Adam texted Alice. Asking him if he could have lunch with him during his break. Since Adam had nothing to do that day, no college hours or plans with friends or a ‘date’. He could drive anywhere whenever he wanted.

Alice agreed to spend time with him during his lunch break. He and Adam met during his lunch break.

Adam and Alice were seated not so far from the Hello Kitty store, sitting down at a parasol table across from each other.

Alice

“So... how’d you doing?”

(He asked as he chewed on his sushi)

Adam

(He shrugged, taking a sip of his drink)

“I’m doing alright, I guess. Just the usual, you know? College, going out, the whole shebang.”

(He glanced at Alice, his expression a bit more serious than usual)

“But, to be honest, I’ve been a bit bored lately. Hanging out with the same people and doing the same things day after day gets old.”

(He paused for a moment and took another sip of his drink)

“I don’t know, I guess I’m just looking for something different, something more. I need a change.”

(He looked at him, his eyes locking with their gaze)

“But enough about me. How about you? How’s work going? Still putting up with annoying customers and bratty kids at the toy store store?”

Alice

(He rolled his eyes in annoyance and huffed)

“Ughh… The Hello Kitty store, dude! And no, people are pretty nice there. More teenagers than kids honestly.”

Adam

(He chuckled at his annoyance, finding it strangely endearing)
“Oh right, I forgot it’s a ‘Hello Kitty’ store, not a toy store. I must be losing my mind. But hey, I’m glad people are nice to you there. I bet you’re secretly enjoying yourself, deep down.”

(He gave him a teasing smirk as he reached out for his drink and took another sip from it before continuing)

“But I do wonder, do you ever get sick of being surrounded by cute and fluffy animals and adorable toys all day long? I mean, how do you keep your grumpy cat attitude when you’re surrounded by all that cuteness?”

Alice

(He furrowed)

“Hey! Just because I’m grumpy to you, doesn’t mean I’m grumpy to everyone else Jeez… I’m actually pretty nice. Thank you very much.”

Adam

(He chuckled, unable to hide his amusement at their defensiveness)

“Hey, I’m not trying to insult you. I’m just saying, you’re always so grumpy and sarcastic with me, it’s hard to imagine you being all sweet and friendly to someone else.”

(He raised an eyebrow, a mischievous smile playing on his lips. He liked that he could push Alice’s buttons and get him riled up so easily)

“But hey, it’s okay. I like you grumpy. It adds to your charm, in a way. If you started being nice to me all the time, I might actually be a bit disappointed.”

Alice

(He frowned and smiled weirdly)

“Jesus, man… heh you’re a masochist.” He sighed and immediately changed the topic “Augh… how many girls have you fucked this week, huh? Any of them kinky? You’re a man whore, dude.”

Adam

(He barked out a laugh, enjoying their bluntness)
“Jesus, grumpy cat. You really don’t have a filter, do you?”

He took a moment to think about Alice’s question, pretending to count his fingers. He knew he was being a bit of an ass, but he couldn’t help himself.

“Hmmm… I don’t know, maybe three or four this week. Yeah, I’ve been busy. And as for kinky… well, let’s just say things have been interesting.”

Alice

(he looked away disgusted)

“Fuck, dude… at least you use condoms or something? You might get an STD…”

Adam chuckled, not really taking their concern seriously.

Adam

“Relax, grumpy cat. I always use protection, don’t worry about it. I may be a man whore, but I’m not stupid.”

(He knew he was lying to his core, but he really didn’t want to admit it to Alice, he took a sip of his drink and looked at him with a smirk)

“You’re not jealous, are you?”

Alice

(He raised an eyebrow)

“Jealous?,” he let out a scoff “Of what, of fucking that many girls, or for not being fucked by you?” he gave him an up-and-down look “Even though you’re straight, you’re fucked up. So I gotta ask.”

 Adam

(He chuckled out loud at their comment, amused by their audacity)

“Heh, I guess I did deserve that one. But Nah, I doubt you are jealous of my sex life. You’re too high and mighty for that.”

(He paused and thought for a moment, a sly look crossing his face)

“But if you’re curious, I’d be happy to give you a demonstration…”

Alice

(He frowned hard, his mouth went wide as his jaw dropped. His face showed complete disgust)

“What?! Eeeugh! You are so nasty dude… fuck.”

Adam

(He kept chuckling and held his hands up in mock surrender)
“Hey, I’m just throwing it out there. No need to be disgusted, grumpy cat. A lil’ bit of curiosity doesn’t hurt.”

He gave Alice a smug grin and leaned back in his chair, enjoying the way he seemed so flustered and grossed out by his suggestion. It was entertaining, how easily he could make them uncomfortable.

“You know, you’re so prudish, it’s almost cute.”

Alice

(He spoke as he chewed on his sushi)

“So what about it? I have my things, you have yours,” he paused for a second to pass the food through “Your quirk is fucking any girl you see walking by, and coke.” he emphasized, “Mine is just having a normal and simple life.”

Adam

“Normal and simple, huh? Sounds pretty boring to me.”

(He gave him a cheeky smile and took a sip of his drink)

“But I guess that’s why we’re so different, isn’t it? You’re the grumpy cat, and I’m the charming party boy. It’s like we’re polar opposites or something.”

Alice

“Yeah, you’re like. Pretty much obsessed with me dude. Fucking weirdo, faggot in the closet I guess.”

(He did the same as Adam and took a sip of his drink as well)

Adam

“Obsessed with you?” he scoffed “I’m not obsessed, grumpy cat. I just find you amusing. You’re different. You don’t put up with my BS, and that’s kinda refreshing.”

(He leaned forward, resting his chin on his hand)

“And what’s with the name-calling? It’s not my fault you’re so… prickly and defensive all the time.” he chuckled “But don’t worry, I don’t mind. I like you grumpy and sour. It’s a nice change of pace from the girls who just fawn over me all the time. You actually challenge me and call me out on my bullshit. So I guess you could say… I like you, in a weird sort of way.”

Alice

(He frowned confused and slightly taken aback)

“Like me? like in a platonic way.” he said almost like making sure to himself “Alright, well doesn’t matter. I gotta go back to work soon…” he said slowly as he checked his phone for the time

Adam

“Yeah, like in a platonic way. Don’t get your panties in a twist.” he smirked at him “And yeah, I guess our little lunch break is almost over, huh? Time flies when you’re with grumpy cat.”

Alice

(He smiled slightly)
“Sure thing. You want the rest of my food? I don’t feel that hungry anymore.” 

(He stood up and walked over to him and played with Adam’s hair)

“Anyway, you’ve been eating well lately? you’re thin…”

Adam

(He looked up at him, surprised by their sudden show of affection)

“Uhh… yeah, I’ve been eating alright. I mean, I could probably afford to eat more, but you know, hanging out and all that.”

Alice frowned annoyed and concerned, the way he said it as if it was his main priority, it pissed him off. How chalantly he can express and talk about how he was slowly destroying himself, it wasn’t only that he wasn’t eating properly. It was the drugs.

Alice

“You… You-” he looked up and then down, letting out a sigh “I can come over and make dinner for you, like that one time? If you want…” his voice showed annoyance but a slight hint of worry

Adam was a bit stunned by their offer. It was so unlike them to show any genuine concern for his wellbeing.

Adam

“You… you’d do that? for me? Grumpy cat, you are full of surprises today.”

He snickered, mostly to hide how touched he was by their offer, he thought for a moment, trying to brush off how their concern was affecting him.

“Alright, alright. If you’re so worried about me, then yeah, I’d love it if you came over and cooked. No need for a fancy meal or anything. Just something simple will be fine.”

(He gave Alice a smile, feeling a weird flutter in his chest)

Alice

(He smiled at him softly and kindly, for the first time he was being genuine)

“Alright, well, my shift will finish in a couple of hours. I don’t know, if you want me to prepare something specific, you can go to Target a street down the plaza, and buy the ingredients.”

Adam looked up at Alice, not quite used to seeing him smile so sweetly. It caught him a bit off guard but in a good way.

Adam

“Hmm… how about you surprise me, grumpy cat? I trust your cooking, so I’m fine with whatever you want to make. I’ll go shopping for the ingredients while you’re working.”

Alice

(He kept smiling at him)

“Mkay well… You’ll need Sour cream, shrimp, a can of chipotle, and some tomatoes. I guess you have seasoning at your place.”

(He caresses Adam’s hair involuntarily without realizing)

“Okay, go now.”

Alice let go and began walking away up to his workplace. Adam was so caught up in the moment that he didn’t even register their caress, but the warmth from their touch lingered. As they walked away, he quickly snapped out of his daze and nodded.

Adam

“Right, right. Sour cream, shrimp, a can of chipotle, and tomatoes. And yeah I have some seasoning at home. Got it.”

He said to himself as he stood up as well with a flutter in his chest.

“I’ll go get the ingredients now. See you in a few hours, grumpy cat.”

Adam watched as they walked away for a moment before walking away himself from the shopping center and heading to his Jeep with a strange feeling in his chest. He wasn't sure what to make of Alice’s sudden change in attitude. But he couldn’t deny that their offer to cook for him and their gentle touch had affected him more than he cared to admit.

Adam drove to the store, even though it wasn’t too far from the shopping center. He thought about how different Alice was from his typical social group. He was so… genuine, in a way that the people he usually hung out with weren’t. He shook his head, trying to clear his mind, and focused on getting the ingredients. In less than 5 minutes he was at the Target a street down from Ovation shopping center. He parked his Jeep close to the shop and made his way to the red store focused on getting the ingredients.

He found the sour cream, the shrimp, the can of chipotle, and the tomatoes. Quickly headed to the checkout trying to ignore the way how his heart thumped a little faster at the thought of Alice cooking for him. It was just a friendly gesture, he told himself as a reminder. Nothing more.

Adam paid for the goodies and headed back to his Jeep but his thoughts again drifted to Alice. It was almost like he couldn’t have a rest from him. The way their hand felt tousling his hair still lingered in his mind, and he couldn’t help but wonder if it meant anything.

Despite the bunch of girls, he’d slept with caressing his hair before, during, or after sex, just to flirt with him. This felt different, more than just interest and lust. It felt genuine, and… just cared for.

As he drove back to his apartment, he kept replaying that moment in his head, over and over again. The way their fingers had moved through the locks of his hair, the look on their face, the way he had smiled at him, genuine and kindly. It was so different from the usual, casual hookups he had.

Adam couldn’t help but wonder why this felt so different. Why Alice’s brief touch had affected him so much more than any of the others. He didn’t have an answer, and it bothered him. But there was something about them that made him want to find out.

By the time he got back to his apartment, he realized he was starting to feel strangely excited for their visit, almost as if he was a teenage girl getting nervous over something mundane. He put the ingredients away in the kitchen, trying to push away the strange butterfly feeling in his stomach. What was going on with him?

He decided to distract himself with some music and video games while waiting for them to finish their shift. But no matter how much he tried to focus on the game, he couldn’t get them out of his mind. Time seemed to crawl by as he waited for them to show up. He was tempted to text him, but he didn’t want to come across as too eager. After all, this was just a friendly visit, right?

Adam tried to keep himself busy, but the thought of Alice coming over soon kept popping into his mind. He realized that he was feeling a bit nervous, and it puzzled him. He was never nervous before, not like this. After two hours, someone knocked on the door. Adam jolted to attention at the sound of the knock, his heart rate quickening a bit. He cursed inwardly, hating that they had that effect on him. He stood up and let out a breath, trying to seem cool and casual. He rushed to the door and opened it. It was Alice, still in his work uniform. He probably came straight here after he finished his shift.

Alice

“Hey… you bought everything?”

Adam

“Yeah, I got everything. Come on in.”

Adam opened the door and gestured for Alice to come in. As he left his things on the couch, Adam tried not to notice the way their work uniform hugged their figure, and failed miserably.

Alice grabbed his hair and tied it up in a low ponytail.

Alice

“All right…”

Alice walked through Adam’s small living room and went straight to his kitchen, he began cooking immediately. Heating the pan and greasing it with butter, after he seasoned the shrimp with pepper and oregano he threw it on the pan with chopped garlic until they got satined, Made the cream, chopping the tomatoes, and getting them in the blender with the sour cream and the can of chipotle. Browning a cup of rice with butter and chopped garlic, adding two cups of water with two cubes of knorr chicken seasoning, stirring until it diluted, and cilantro. Leaving it on low heat for 20 minutes. By the end. He plated down Shimp in chipotle cream with a side of rice and salad along with a glass of water.

Alice

“There you go… Try it.”

Alice bit his lip down anxiously expectant for Adam’s reaction. Adam watched him cook, impressed by their efficiency and skill in the kitchen. When he put the plate down in front of him at the table, his nose was hit immdeiately by the enticing aroma.

Adam

“Damn, grumpy cat. This looks and smells delicious.”

Adam grabbed a spoonful of the food and took it to his mouth, as he took the first bite his eyes widened in surprise. It was way better than he expected. The flavors combined well, and the shrimp were cooked to perfection.

“Holy… this is really good.”

Alice smiled widely, immediately making a ‘Yes!’ fist

Alice

“Yes! Fuck yeah. I knew you’d love it! Mom’s recipe.”

(He joined Adam at the table by sitting down across from him)

“It tastes better with a bit of lemon, but… I forgot to tell you to bring some.”

Adam chuckled as he continued eating, genuinely impressed by how good it was. He paused for a moment to take a sip of water and gave Alice a smile.

Adam

“Well, I’m definitely gonna remember to buy some lemon next time. But honestly, even without it, this is amazing. You’re a damn good cook, grumpy cat.”

Alice

(He smiled sheepishly)

“Thank you, I’m honestly not the best at cooking. But I try my best, my mom said I have a good seasoning.”

(He chuckled as he saw Adam feasting eagerly on his plate)

“Alright, alright, It’s going nowhere man. Hold on, it’s all yours. Don’t jizz in your pants, dude. It’s just food.”

Adam

(He laughed and held up a hand in mock defense)

“Hey, hey, chill out. I’m not about to cream my pants over this food. I’m just giving you a compliment, grumpy cat. That’s it.”

(He paused for a moment, then smirked at him)

“But hey, keep talking like that, and it might just happen.”

Alice

(He grimaced in disgust)

“Ewwugh! I don’t want to see that. You nasty bastard. Don’t jizz over my cooking please.” he snickered and stood up. Walking over to the kitchen “You want more? There’s plenty, I made the whole shrimp bag. So, you have food for the rest of the week.”

Adam

(He snorted at their reaction, finding their disgust entertaining)

“Alright, Alright, calm down, princess. I’ll keep my ‘jizzing’ away, I promise. And yeah, I’d love more. This shrimp is amazing.”

Adam stood up from the table and followed him into the kitchen, still feeling that flutter in his chest. Why did he always feel this way around him? He watched Alice dish out another plate of food. Adam leaned against the counter, trying to act casual.

“So, grumpy cat, you planning on cooking for me every week from now on?”

He asked jokingly, but the thought of having them over every week to cook for him didn’t sound too bad in his head. Alice frowned and rolled his eyes playfully.

Alice

“Hey, I’m not your damn housewife. Ask one of those girls you fuck to cook for you. They probably don’t even know how to fry a freaking egg.”

(He handed the plate to him)

“There you go.”

Adam chuckled at his reaction, enjoying the playful banter. He couldn’t help but wonder if there was a hint of jealousy in their words but brushed it aside.

“Hey now, no need to be jealous, grumpy cat. It’s not like I’m asking you to be my wife or anything. I think you’d make a terrible housewife anyway.”

He took the plate and sat down at the table, still feeling those pesky butterflies in his stomach and chest. What the hell was going on with him?

On the other hand, his comment definitely struck a nerve in Alice, he got offended by it, he frowned harder.

Alice

“You know what? Fuck you! I’m being nice to you, I’m cooking for you and you say some shit like that?” 

(He walked away from the stove and over to the couch to grab his things)

“You’re welcome. And hey, for your information. I could be an amazing male wife.”

Adam felt a pang of guilt as he saw the hurt and offended look on their face. He hadn’t meant to offend him like that, he had just been teasing like always.

Adam

“Hey, hold on a sec, grumpy cat.”

He stood up from the table, making the chair chir, and followed behind him reaching out to grab their wrist to stop them from leaving.

“Wait, I didn’t mean it like that. I was just joking, you know that. Don’t leave. I’m sorry.”

Adam stepped closer, his heart pounding in his chest. Why was he feeling so damn nervous around him? He’d never felt this way before.

“Seriously, grumpy cat. Don’t go. I’m sorry, alright? I was just trying to be funny, you know. I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings.”

He let his hand slide down their wrist, gently holding their hand in his. Alice immediately tensed up and looked down, surprised by the sudden bold action. The atmosphere changed immediately, intimate? tense? What is going on? He shook his hand away.

Alice

“W-what was that?...”

(He looked up at him confused, really taken aback)

“W-what, what…?”

Adam felt a pang of disappointment as they pulled their hand away. He didn’t know what had come over him, grabbing their hand like that. He tried to brush it off, pretending he wasn’t hurt on the inside, even though he didn’t even understand why either.

Adam

“What was what? I was just trying to stop you from leaving. I didn’t want you to be angry with me, Seriously, I’m sorry, okay?”

He shoved his hands in his pockets, trying to ignore the way his heart was thumping in his chest. Alice shook his head.

Alice

“N-no, you grabbed my hand. It felt different, tell me I’m not-...” he groaned and shook his head trying to push the thought away “No, forget it. I’m sorry, I- I overreacted…”

Adam could see the confusion and disappointment all over Alice’s face. He didn’t know what to say. Did he think he was trying to hit on him or something? He hadn’t meant to, but he could feel the ghost of their hand on his. Adam tried to play it off, but his voice came out lower than usual.

Adam

“It was nothing. I was just trying to get your attention, that’s all. You’re overthinking things, grumpy cat.”

He shoved his hands deeper into his pockets, trying to hide the way his heart was racing. Why was he feeling so damn nervous around him? He had never felt this way before, not with anyone, well at least not with a guy. It was driving him crazy. He tried to clear his throat and speak normally.

“Seriously, grumpy cat, don’t overthink it. I was just trying to get you to stop and listen to me. That’s all.”

Alice

(He nodded trying to understand)

“Okay, well uh. Sorry for… what just happened.” he let out a sigh like he was holding a breath he didn’t knew he was holding “Okay just, go back to eat and…”

Adam watched him closely, sensing that there was something off about him. Their expression looked like they were holding something back like he wanted to say more. He stepped closer to him, his heart pounding in his chest.

Adam

“Hey… wait a second. There’s something on your mind. Spill it. You look like you’re trying to hold something in.”

Alice

(He looked up at him, and shook his head.)

“No, uh. There’s nothing, sorry.”

(He passed beside him to go and leave his things on the couch)

Adam let out a small, annoyed sigh. Why were they being so damn difficult? Just when he thought they were getting somewhere, he shuts up again. He followed them to the couch, not willing to let this go.

Adam

“Bullshit, grumpy cat. I can tell when something’s bothering you. You’re all fidgety and awkward like you’ve got something on your mind. Just tell me what it is.”

Alice

(He looked back to him with furrowed brows)

“Hey, what the hell? I said nothing. Stop calling me grumpy cat. There’s no need for you to call me affectionate nicknames.”

He couldn’t help but scoff at their irritation. He was being so damn stubborn, it was infuriating. He stepped closer, his eyes locked on his.

Adam

“You’re still avoiding the question. And I’ll call you whatever I want. Grumpy cat, princess, whatever.”

He closed the distance between them, now only a few inches away. He could feel the heat radiating off of him, and it made his heart thump harder in his chest.

“I can tell when you’re hiding something. Just tell me what’s going on in that head of yours. You’re driving me crazy.”

Alice

(He frowned)

“Hey, it’s none of your freaking concern. Give me a rest, dude.”

Adam felt a pang of annoyance at their stubborn attitude. Why were they being so difficult? He stepped even closer, now only a breath away from him, invading Alice’s personal space completely. He was basically on the shorter’s guy face, towering over him. His heart was racing, and his frustration increasing.

Adam

“It’s not my concern? Then why are you acting all weird and avoiding my questions? You clearly have something on your mind, and I’m tired of you shutting me out.”

Alice tensed up, and having him up too close to him made him get weirded out, he tensed up and tried to step back.

Alice

“H-hey you’re too close-!”

He stumbled back. The empty beer bottles on the floor got in his way. Making them fall as he kicked them involuntarily with his feet. The loud clinking of multiple bottles falling was heard all around the living room as Alice almost fell back. Adam reflexively reached out grabbing him by the waist to steady him. He could feel the heat of their body pressed against him, and it sent a pang of desire through him like a wildfire. Goddamnit, why was he feeling like this? He was supposed to just be having a friendly visit, not getting all hot and bothered…

Adam

“Careful, grumpy cat. You’re a little unsteady on your feet.”

He couldn’t help but relish in the feeling of their body against his. It felt way too good. He pulled Alice closer, his hand still gripping their waist. He leaned in, his breath hot against their ear.

“Why are you being stubborn? Just tell me what’s going on with you, You’re acting all weird and fidgety, and it’s driving me insane.”

Alice blushed instantly, he furrowed confused. The way he was holding and touching him, bringing him close to him. He pushed Adam away stepping back flustered.

Alice

“Woah, woah, woah! Pause! What are you doing??”

Adam

(He stumbled back as they pushed him away, his heart raced)

“What do you mean what am I doing? I was just trying to keep you from falling.”

He knew he was lying. He wanted to hold him close, to feel their body against his again. He tried to convince himself it was just a friendly gesture, but the way his heart was pounding told him differently. Adam took a step closer again, his eyes locked on theirs. He could feel the heat between them, crackling in the air like electricity.

“Why are you acting so weird about this? It was just a friendly gesture, nothing more. Unless…”

He trailed off, realizing what he was about to say. Was he actually considering this? Could he really be feeling something for him, a guy, beyond their strange friendship?

Alice

(He frowned and stepped back once again, stopping him in the moment with a hand gesture)

“Stop it. Don’t say anything else, just-… Stop!”

(He quickly grabbed his things from the couch and rushed to the entrance door, speaking up with a nervous tone)

“I hope you liked the food, there’s plenty for the week… Goodbye.”

Alice opened the door and walked out in a rush, slamming the door behind him. He just fled the place. Adam stood there, stunned, he just watched as Alice rushed out the door. What the hell had just happened? One moment, they were having a friendly visit, and the next, he was feeling things he shouldn’t be feeling in the first place. And Alice… Alice had run out of there as if his life depended on it.

He walked over to the door and leaned against it, feeling completely dumbfounded. He was usually the one who ran from relationships, but now he couldn’t help but feel a pang of disappointment that Alice had left so suddenly.

Adam grabbed his hair in frustration, trying to make sense of everything. Why was he feeling like this? Since when did he get all flustered and tongue-tied around him? He didn’t know what to do, but one thing was certain. He wasn’t going to just let him walk out like that, he walked over to the counter quickly, grabbed his keys and brown leather jacket, heading out the door, determined to find him and get some answers.

He walked out into the cool night air, looking around for any sign of him. Alice had a head start, but he was determined to track him down no matter what. Adam thought about the way they had flushed when he held him, the way they had suddenly run out of there like fire was chasing them.

He began walking through his street, trying to think like Alice. Where would he go on a night like this? A bar? A park? His apartment?

Adam walked around for what felt like hours, searching every alley, every park near his place, every place he could think of, he was now far from his apartment. He wondered why he was putting so much effort into this, why he couldn’t let him go. But deep down, he knew the answer. He was feeling something for them, something more than just friendship. But he was getting a million questions running and jumping inside his head, a girl… it would be clearer if he was a girl. But why… a guy?

When he was about to give up and give in, he heard a familiar voice coming from a nearby park. Adam hurried his steps, and when he got closer he hid behind some trees nearby. He caught a glance of Alice speaking to a short girl with purple hair and slanted brown eyes, it seemed like a friend.

Alice

“I swear, this is getting out of control. I can’t do this, I just can’t. This is difficult. I’ve tried my best, Kyo, but shit…” He took a frustrated breath “I cannot!”

Kyomi

“Alice, calm down. Maybe it was just a misunderstanding.”

Alice

“I feel like I fucked everything up, kyo. I’m trying to help him out and be a good person.”

Adam listened from afar intently, feeling a wave of relief and disappointment wash over him. He was safe, and he was talking to a friend, but Adam also couldn’t help but feel hurt that he had run away from him.

He hovered nearby, debating whether to reveal himself or not. He wanted to confront Alice, to get some answers, but he also didn’t want to interrupt his conversation. Adam felt stressed like fucking hell. He needed a fix, something, anything! And fast. He couldn’t stop himself, he needed something to calm his nerves down, something to take the edge off. He knew he shouldn’t, but the craving was too strong. He pulled out a small packet from his pocket and quickly did a bump of coke with his pinkie finger, hoping that would alleviate some of the tension he was feeling.

Adam leaned back against a nearby tree, feeling the familiar numbness of cocaine start to take effect. He tried to focus on the conversation Alice was having with their friend, desperate to catch a scrap of what they were saying.

Alice

“I don’t know. I just rushed out of there, I cannot bear myself doing that. We’re different, and as long as I want to help him out. I can’t, and I get frustrated.”

Kyomi

“Alice, you were doing great. It’s fine, but what happened?”

Alice

“Something happened, I was about to leave when he stopped me and held my hand. I rejected him immediately. I apologized. I said I overreacted… then I walked back to leave my things on his couch, but he kept insisting. He was too close and I stumbled back when trying to step back. He reached out to help me, grabbing me by the waist and pressed against me…”

Kyomi

“Oh…”

Alice

“Yeah- and… I pushed him away. I felt overwhelmed and ran away…”

Adam listened intently as he described what had happened. He felt a pang of guilt as he realized he had pressed too much into Alice, that he had made him uncomfortable. 

Alice

“I’m scared, okay? I freaking panicked! I-I thought we were friends. I only wanted that and just that! Now I feel like I did something to give him hope or something close to it.” he huffed out “FUCK! What am I thinking? Hope?! He’s a straight guy… I’m overthinking!”

Kyomi

“Okay, okay, calm down! This is the guy who all the girls at college talk about? The one who has laid a bunch of girls?”

Alice

“Yeah, that one. His name is Adam.”

Adam couldn’t help the hurt he felt as he heard them talk about him that way like he was just some mindless, womanizer who couldn’t have feelings. He couldn’t blame them for thinking that. He had never shown anyone his true self, never shown anyone vulnerability. But for some reason, he wanted them to see him in a different light. He wanted him to see the real him.

He leaned back further against the tree, feeling a mix of emotions swirling inside him. He was conflicted. On one hand, he wanted to reveal himself and confront him, to tell him how he was feeling. But on the other hand, he didn’t know if he was ready to show him his vulnerable side. He was used to hiding behind his carefree, flirty exterior, mocking his fame as selfless, party-loving, and a champion with the girls hiding his true feelings deep down.

Alice

“I don’t know Kyo… this is why I didn’t want to be friends with someone like him. He hits coke, fucks girls like nothing. And cares for nothing. I can not waste myself caring that much for him. I can’t!”

Kyo

“Al, I understand you’re stressed right now. And I understand your point. But he’s a human being, and so far. You showed me that you do care for him deep down in your heart, he became your friend you want it or not.”

Alice

“I just… I can’t leave him just like that, as much as I hate his self-destructive behavior.”

Adam felt deeply hurt as he heard him talk about him so carelessly like that like he was just a mindless drug addict and womanizer. It stung because he knew it was true. That’s how he acted, that’s how he presented himself to the world. But deep down, he longed for more. He longed for someone to see past his facade and care for him, really care for him.

“I… do care for him. I’m just scared… of losing him before I get to actually know who he is in reality, of not being enough for him to help.”

Kyomi

“You’re doing your best, you are a great person. I’m sure of that. You might seem rough on the outside, but you do have an amazing heart. A big one, Alice.”

Adam felt a pang of hope flaring up in his chest as he heard him say that he did care for him. That he was scared of losing him, of not being enough. It was almost as if he had seen past his facade, seen him for the insecure and lonely person he was beneath it all. He continued to listen, his heart pounding in his chest, he wanted to step out and show himself, to tell Alice how he felt, but he was too damn scared. He had always played it safe with relationships, never getting too close to anyone. But with him, he felt drawn to Alice like a moth to a flame.

Alice

“I want him to quit drugs, I… I sometimes don’t feel safe around him, or just sure enough that he’s here with me in a hundred percent. But I can’t force him, I want him to be stable.”

Kyomi

“I hope he gets better soon, for his own good. If you help him, that’ll be amazing.”

Adam found himself feeling guilt for the first time over his substance abuse as he heard Alice express their concern for him, that he wanted him to quit drugs and feel safe. He couldn’t help but feel that he was letting him down, that he couldn’t live up to the expectations someone had on him. But also felt a spark of hope. Maybe he could change, maybe he could be the person he saw in him.

He stood there, his heart in a turmoil of conflicting emotions. Part of him wanted to reveal himself and tell him everything, how he felt, how he was struggling, tell him everything, why was he in that state now. But the other part of him was scared, scared to show him his true self, scared to be vulnerable and open up. Adam was torn between his old self-destructive patterns and the new feelings he was feeling for a guy.

Chapter Text

After that day, Alice didn’t show up at Adam’s apartment, text him back, or call him—there was complete radio silence.

Alice followed his routine. He walked to work and back home after his shift for the day. It was a monotonous and simple life routine, just like he wanted, He did not care for anyone else, just his close friend. Sad in a way, almost depressing to a point, but that’s what he has been used to since.

Adam found himself missing Alice in a way he had never missed anyone before, not like this. He was alone like he once was before Alice. He couldn’t focus, couldn’t stop thinking about him and the whole messed up outcome. He tried to distract himself by attending classes, going to parties at night, hookups, and the usual distractions throughout the week.

 But nothing seemed to fill the void that Alice had left in his life. Adam slowly began to notice the little things he missed about them. The way he always bickered with him, the way he rolled his eyes at his jokes or the way he would get all flushed whenever he got too close to him. It was crazy not to help but replay the moment in his head when he had grabbed their waist and held him close and how he had looked at him with those widened dark chocolate eyes.

Adam realized he was addicted to him . In a way that he had never been addicted to anything before. He immediately tried to deny it, to convince himself that he was just feeling lonely and bored, but deep down, he knew it was more than that. He was falling for him, hard and fast.

He couldn’t help but feel a mix of frustration and disappointment. He had never expected to feel this way about anyone, nonetheless for another man . And yet here he was, obsessing over him . He wanted to confront him and tell him how he felt, but he was too scared. Too scared to risk everything he knew about himself and accept he might like the same gender, did this make him gay? hetero? bi? bi-curious??. He had always played it safe, never letting anyone get too close far from the physical intimacy. But with him . He felt drawn to Alice in a way he couldn’t explain. Alice was a guy, and he didn’t even know if they liked guys. Not long ago, Adam knew himself as a straight guy. This is beyond fact.

Adam didn’t know what to do with these feelings. He had always thought he was straight, that he was attracted to women and only women. But now, he was finding himself drawn to them, a guy. It was confusing and disorienting and yet, it felt right. It felt like he was discovering a part of himself that he had never known about his sexuality and his desire for them. He’d never been attracted to another man before, so why now? Why him? It was a mystery to him, but one thing was certain: he was falling for him.

Adam was torn between the urge to deny these feelings and the desire to explore them further. He wasn’t sure if they felt the same way or if they were even interested in men. But he couldn’t shake the feeling that there was something between them, something deeper than just friendship. That’s what his delusions wanted him to believe.

Alice was working at the Hello Kitty store once again. One hour left before his work shift ends and he finally gets to go home.

Adam found himself walking past the store, unable to resist the desire to see him again. He stopped outside, standing there for a moment as he looked at Alice through the showcase windows. He took a deep breath, gathering the courage to walk inside. Opened the push door and walked into the store, his heart pounding against his chest. He tried to act casual, browsing through the shelves as he made his way to the cashier counter where Alice was working. He approached it trying to act nonchalant.

Alice looked up, his eyes widened slightly for a split second. But he tried to remain calm.

Alice

“Good evening. How can I help you today?”

Alice fake smiled politely at him. Was… Was he pretending he was just a customer?...

Adam couldn’t help but notice the way his eyes widened slightly when he saw him. He tried to act cool like he was just some random customer. But he couldn’t hide the way his heart was racing in his chest.

Adam

“Just browsing.”

He said, trying to sound nonchalant. He picked up a random item from the shelf and pretended to examine it, sneaking glances at him from beneath his eyelashes.

Alice nodded and worked on the counter’s computer, ignoring him. Today, barely any people were in the store. It was close to its end.

Adam continued to browse through the store, picking up random items and putting them down, not paying attention to whatever he was looking at. He kept stealing glances at him as he worked on the computer, his heart racing faster each time his eyes met his. He didn’t know how much longer he could keep pretending to be just a casual customer. Adam wanted to talk to him, to say something, anything. But he was paralyzed with nerves, torn between his desire to reveal his true feelings and his fear of rejection. He continued to walk around the store, his eyes never leaving him, watching their every move.

Alice sighed and spoke out loud, focused on the monitor.

Alice

“If you are looking for something for your ‘girlfriend’, there’s a Halloween section over there! Hope it helps.”

It was a fack he referred to Adam’s hooks-ups and hookers, mocking him with that remark. Alice kept clicking the mouse and typing down on the keyboard. Adam felt a pang of annoyance as he referred to his hook-ups as his ‘girlfriend’ as though he was some kind of player who couldn’t commit to anyone.

 It was true, yes, but it still stung to hear it from their mouth like that. He walked over to the Halloween section, pretending to look at the items on the display shelf.

Adam could feel their eyes on him as he looked through Halloween items, and he knew that he was judging him, seeing him as just some shallow partier who couldn’t commit to anyone. He wanted to prove him wrong, to show him that he could be more than that, that he could be a decent guy. He picked up a small trinket, a cute little Halloween-themed heart pin with ‘Best Friends’ written on it. He clutched it in his hand, feeling the weight of the small piece of metal, knowing it was meant for something more than a casual hook-up. He couldn’t help but wonder what it would be like to give something like this to someone, to mean it. But he knew that was a silly fantasy, one that would never happen, he walked back over to the counter where Alice was standing behind, holding the heart in his hand, trying to act cool as if he wasn’t affected by their words or presence. He held up the trinket and spoke in a casual tone.

Adam

“Hey, thought this was cute. Do you like it?”

Alice

(He stares at the trinket and nods)

“Wow… you have a good taste, sir . Would you like a bag for it?”

Adam

(He nodded, a small smile playing on his lips)

“Yeah, a bag would be great. Thanks.”

Adam watched as he grabbed a small bag and put the trinket inside. He took a deep breath, knowing that this was his chance to say something, to tell him how he was feeling. But the words stuck in his throat, and all he could do was stare at him.

Alice

(He looked up at him and handed him the bag)

“Card or cash?...”

Adam

“Cash.”

He pulled out his wallet and fished out a few bills, handing them to him. Their fingers brushed against each other, and he felt a jolt of electricity at the contact. He didn’t help the way his heart was racing in his chest, pounding like a crazy drum.

Alice took the twenty bucks from him, ignoring their touch, and gave him fifteen back from the cash register along with his receipt. Since the trinket only costs five dollars.

Adam

“Thanks.”

He took the change and the bag. He could feel his heart still pounding in his chest, knowing that he had to say something now. He couldn’t leave without talking to him, without a least trying to express how he was feeling.

“Can I ask you… do you, uh…”

He trailed off, losing his nerve. He glanced over at the store, noticing that it was empty except for the two of them. The atmosphere felt like it was stifling him, the words caught in his throat. He looked at him, meeting their eyes and feeling a wave of emotions wash over him. Adam was suddenly hit with the realization that this was it, this was his chance to tell him how he felt, to confess his feelings and hope for the best.

“Do you… Do you think it is possible for someone to change? Like, to stop being reckless and careless and become a better person?”

Alice

(His stern expression slowly changes to a furrow)

“What?...”

Adam

(He took a deep breath, sensing their confusion)

“I just mean… Do you think people can change? Like, do you think someone can stop partying and hooking up all the time and become a better person?”

He watched their expression closely, trying to get a read on what he was thinking.

Alice

(He takes a breath)

“What about drugs?...”

Adam felt a pang of guilt at the mention of drugs. He knew that he had been using them a lot lately, escaping from his problems and numbing his feelings. But he wanted to change, he wanted to be better.

Adam

“Yeah,” he said softly. “That too.”

He fidgeted with his fingers, a nervous habit he had when he was uncomfortable. He avoided their gaze, feeling ashamed of his actions, and wondering if he thought less of him because of it.

Alice

(He furrowed empathically and whispered)

“Are you saying… you want to quit?...”

Adam swallowed hard, his throat feeling tight. He couldn’t believe he was actually going to say it out loud, to admit to wanting to change, to want more than just partying and hookups.

Adam

“Yeah. I-I… want to quit.”

Alice

(He looked around, then back at him)

“I-... wait just a second.”

Alice walked with quick steps out of the back of the counter and headed to the back of the store. After a few minutes that felt like hours, he came back without his apron.

“Let’s go.”

(He walked out of the store)

He followed behind Alice out of the store, his heart in his throat. He couldn’t believe this was happening, that he was giving him an actual chance and listening to him. He followed close, feeling a mix of nerves and excitement.

Adam

“Where are we going?”

Alice walked through the first floor of the shopping center to ‘The Tea & Coffee Exchange’ Cafe. A private place for them to talk normally and somewhat ‘privately’. 

Alice

“So…”

He followed him into the cafe, feeling a flutter in his chest. The place was quiet and intimate, perfect for a conversation like this. He took a seat across from him, his mind still trying to process what was happening. He looked around the cafe, taking in the soft lighting and the quiet atmosphere. It felt like it was just the two of them in the world, the rest of the world silenced around them. 

Adam

“So… uh… I guess I just want to confess something.”

He took a deep breath, bracing himself for their reaction. He knew this was it, the moment he was going to tell him how he felt, to put his heart on the line and hope for the best.

“I… I have feelings for you. I don’t know how to explain it, but I can’t stop thinking about you. You’re… you’re all I think about.”

He looked up at him, his eyes searching their face for any sign of a reaction. He could feel his hands shaking with nerves, but he tried to maintain a steady voice as he spoke.

“I know it sounds weird since you’re a guy and for the long run, I thought I was straight. But I can’t deny it anymore. You’ve… you’ve gotten under my skin.”

He swallowed, feeling his throat tighten with emotion. He couldn’t believe he was finally saying it out loud, confessing his feelings to them, or what he thought that was.

“I don’t know if you feel the same way. I don’t know what you think of me. I know I’ve messed up a lot. I know I’ve been reckless and careless. But I want to be better. For you. Because of you.”

Alice

(He furrowed confused and taken aback)

“No… No, listen to me, Adam. You have to do this because you, for yourself. Not for me.”

Adam nodded understanding, feeling a pang of guilt at their words. He knew he was right, that he had to make the change for himself, but he couldn’t deny the pull he felt towards him.

Adam

“I know. I know it has to be for me. But it’s not just for me, it’s because of you too. You’ve… you’ve made me want to be better. You’ve made me realize that I want more than just partying and meaningless hookups.”

(He took a deep breath, his eyes never leaving theirs)

“I know I have a lot of work to do. I know I’ve made a lot of mistakes. But I’m willing to do it. I’m willing to change, for myself and for you can be proud of.”

Alice

(He sighs and frowns in confusion)

“I uh… I’m flattered, but why me? I… I don’t get it.”

Adam shook his head, struggling to find the words to explain his feelings.

Adam

“I don’t know how to describe it. I just… I can’t stop thinking about you. I can’t get you out of my head. You’re all I think about. Your smile, your laugh, your voice, everything about you. It’s just… it’s like you’ve burrowed your way into my heart and I can’t shake it off.”

Alice

“Oh, Adam… no.. no, don’t do this to me..” 

(He pouts slightly and sad)

Adam felt a pang in his chest as he saw the sadness in their eyes.

Adam

“I’m sorry, I know this is hard. It’s hard for me too. But I can’t deny how I feel. I can’t pretend to. I can’t pretend like there’s nothing between us. I… I care about you and your opinion. More than I thought possible.”

He reached out, wanting to take their hand to feel the connection between them, but he held back unsure of how he would react. Instead, he continued to speak, his voice softer now.

“I know it’s complicated, and I know there’s a lot we need to figure out. But I know my feelings for you are real. I’ve never felt this way about anyone before, and I can't just ignore it.”

Alice

(He sighs heavily)

“I can’t… do that. I’m sorry, Adam. But, I’m willing to help you. To be there for you. Because I do care for you. I don’t want to see you like this anymore…”

Adam felt a pang of disappointment at their words, but he understood. He had expected this response from them but it still stung to hear it out loud.

Adam

“I understand. I-I appreciate your willingness to help me. And I know this is complicated. But… can we still be friends? Can we still talk and hang out? I value your friendship as much as… as anything else.”

Alice

(He smiled softly and nodded)

“Of course…”

Chapter Text

After that evening Alice began helping Adam, making him throw all his stash of cocaine, and marihuana down the toilet, forcing him to flush it and lose contact with his dealer and providers. Helping him through the motion of the strong cravings and physical pain, since Adam is going through the detoxing stage.

Adam was finding the detox process difficult and challenging,  but having their support made it a bit more bearable. The cravings came in massive waves, there were times when he wasn’t sure he could make it, but the thought engraved in his mind of letting Alice down kept him strong. 

Two weeks forward their agreement Adam was in a state of withdrawal, kneelt down on the floor clutching to the toilet in the bathroom of his what now felt cold, apartment. Almost hugging it as if it were a lifeline, vomiting every five seconds. The pain was barely bearable, he grunted, groaned, and writhed in pain right next to the toilet seat. Alice was by his side, patting his back for support.

Adam was clearly in pain, his body was craving the substances. He had severe nausea, his stomach ached too bad, and his head felt like it was being hammered with a mallet. He felt extremely sick, everything hurt, and he was severely overstimulated and overwhelmed. His voice was hoarse from vomiting his guts out, he spoke up almost pleading.

Adam

“Please… My stomach hurts so bad, I need painkiller medicine..”

Alice

(He furrowed bitterly)

“No, I can’t give you medicine. If you keep taking it so constantly your body will get used to it and you’ll turn immune.  In the future when you take it, it’s not going to help you when you really need it. It is better if you tolerate it the normal way-”

Adam’s overstimulation was killing him, he wasn’t having it. He cut Alice mid-explanation with an immediate change of moods, raising his voice at him.

Adam

“I DON’T GIVE A SHIT! GIVE ME MEDICINE, I’M DYING!”

His voice echoed through that small bathroom. Making Alice jump in place, the ferocity in Adam’s eyes told him more than he intended to communicate. He was clearly struggling deep down.

A few days passed. Adam was feeling better but the cravings were still there, he was down. The absence of the substances was messing with his mood. Since he was feeling better physically. Alice decided to take him out to distract him. Taking him out to safe places around the city like, thrift shops, cafes, and places to relax and/or to do some crafts. Like, painting or any artsy thing. Most of the time it was Alice showing him the things he enjoys and does in his free time. Today? Once again a thrift shop.

Adam

“I can’t believe how difficult this is.”

Alice

“I know but you gotta keep it up, you are still in withdrawal. I understand, but I want to show you that there are more things than drugs, parties, and sex.”

Adam

“I had no idea there were so many things out there.”

Adam said as they walked into the store and walked around. Surrounded by the bustle of other shoppers. Children running and laughing around and the constant beeping of the cash registers.

Alice

(He gave him a soft upside-down smile)

“Well… yeah, parties suck. In my opinion, I don’t fit well enough with other people. I’m socially awkward, and a bit weird as well so…”

Alice said while he looked through the racks of clothing as they spoke.

Adam chuckled softly. Watching him, and doing the same as well. Adam found himself slowly falling under their spell. He had never paid much attention to the world around him, too caught up in his pleasure-seeking behavior. As Alice showed him these different places and activities, he found himself feeling more alive, more connected, and grounded to the world around him.

Adam

“You’re not weird,” he said, following behind him as they moved through the store. “You’re unique. And honestly, I like that about you.”

He watched as Alice picked up a Jacket from the rack and held it up, inspecting it closely .

“You know, I’ve always just coasted through life, doing whatever felt good at the moment. But being with you lately… It’s making me see things differently. It’s making me want to be more than just a partier.”

He picked up a shirt from a different rack, running his fingers over the fabric.

“I never knew that there was more to life than just the next buzz, the next hookup. I never knew that I could feel this… this connection to someone. That I could feel this way about a guy .”

Adam was expressing what he felt, opening his heart to him. Pushing the limits of their previous agreement. Alice let out a chuckle and spoke up.

Alice

“Shut up fag.”

(He replied jokingly)

Adam laughed, feeling a flare of that old familiar but still very new affection for the shorter guy.

Adam

“Hey, watch it,” he said, swatting at him playfully on the arm. “I can still beat your ass, you know.”

(He picked up another shirt, holding it up against himself)

“Seriously though, you’re… you’re special, you know? You’re opening my eyes to all these kinds of things I never knew I was missing. I want to be better for you. For myself too, but… I don’t know, I just want to make you proud of me.”

Alice grabbed a few pieces of clothes and walked towards the dressing rooms, with Adam following behind.

Alice

“Well, I am proud of you, alright?”

(He walked inside a cabin, closing the curtain behind and began to try on the clothes)

Adam sat down on a bench outside the changing room, waiting for him to come out and show off the new outfits.

Adam

“You are?”

He smiled, feeling a warm rush of emotions at their words. No one had ever said they were proud of him before, not even his parents, and he couldn’t help but feel a little choked up. Alice came out with a jacket on and nodded.

Alice

“Yeah, I am.”

(He reached out and played with Adam’s hair)

“I truly am.”

Adam looked up at him from the bench, his eyes tracing over his figure in the jacket. He felt a pang of attraction in his stomach but pushed it down quickly. The abstinence is sure messing him up.

Adam

“Thanks,” he said, his voice slightly hoarse. “It means a lot, hearing you say that.”

(He stood up from the bench)

“You look good, by the way,” he added, gesturing to the jacket. “The jacket’s a good look on you.”

Alice

(He smiled and stepped closer to play and caress Adam’s hair softly again)

“Thank you… but, 40 bucks for a thrift store? That’s hella expensive.”

Adam shivered at their touch, feeling a mix of pleasure and affection. He also couldn’t help rolling his eyes at their complaint about the price of the jacket.

Adam

“Yeah, well, you should know that thrift shops aren’t cheap anymore Fashionable people go there now, so the prices skyrocketed.”

(He smirked at him, leaning into their  touch just slightly)

“I mean, seriously, have you seen the prices at some of these places? It’s like they’re trying to compete with designer stores. It’s insane.”

Alice

(He nodded agreeing with him)

“Yeah, I know! That’s why I only go for the T-shirts, man.”

(He chuckles and ruffles Adam’s hair fast)

“AUGHHH! I hate you, you jinx!”

Alice felt a rush of affection for Adam, he worked it out immediately. Then walking back into the changing room, to try something different again.

Adam laughed as Alice ruffled his hair, feeling a wave of affection for him in return. 

Adam

“Hah! You love me, you mean,” 

He teased, watching as Alice walked back into the changing cabin. Alice laughed from the inside of the changing cabin.

Alice

“Whatever! Who cares.”

(He chuckled and called from the inside)

“Hey, can you pass me that one black shirt? I forgot to grab it before getting in!”

Adam grabbed the shirt and opened the curtain with a loud ‘ SWISH! ’ as if it was nothing. Alice’s eyes widened, and turned around embarrassed. Alice was half-naked, shirtless in front of him, and he could see clearly… 

Scars under his pecs?... Adam stopped short as he opened the curtain, feeling his breath catch in his throat. He hadn’t expected to see him half-naked, well… yeah but he didn’t think further before opening it. 

The sight of their scars sent a pang of concern through him. 

Adam

“Woah! Sorry-” he said, immediately averting his eyes and trying to look anywhere but at their chest. “I didn’t mean to… sorry, I should’ve asked before I…”

Alice immediately grabbed the shirt from Adam’s hand and quickly put it on.

Alice

“H-hey, it’s okay… um…”

Adam watched as he quickly put on the shirt. His mind raced with questions about the scars he had just seen. He knew he shouldn’t ask; that was none of his business, but he couldn’t shake his curiosity.

Adam

“Hey, um… the scars. Can I-” 

He trailed off, unsure of how to ask without sounding too intrusive. But he couldn’t stop looking at him now, his eyes drawn to their chest despite himself.

“I’m sorry, I just- I just noticed, and… they look like they weren’t from an accident or anything. They look… they look like they were deliberately done. I’m sorry, I know it’s not my business. I can’t help but wonder…”

Alice

(He furrowed and laughed it off nervously)

“Nah, heh… Don’t worry. It’s okay. They’re from my surgery.”

(He said nonchalantly)

Adam looked at him, his mind racing with questions. Surgery? What kind of surgery left those kinds of scars? He knew he shouldn’t pry, but he couldn’t help himself.

Adam

“Surgery? For what?”

Alice stares at him with a shy and amazed smile

Alice

“Oh… Right, you don’t know, heh…”

Adam shook his head, feeling completely lost and out of the loop. He had no idea what surgery Alice was talking about, and he couldn’t shake the feeling that there were things about him that he didn’t know yet.

Adam

“No… I have no idea,” he admitted, ashamed of his ignorance. “What kind of surgery leaves scars like that?”

Alice

(He laughs)

“Top surgery, like.. for people who have boobs?...”

Alice? Boobs? What?? But he’s a guy…

Adam was completely taken aback by their explanation, his mind struggling to process the information. Top surgery? But he’s a…. But he’s a guy. Wasn’t he?

Adam

“Whoa… wait a minute,” 

He said, looking at him with confusion in his eyes when it finally hit him. Like a bliss on his mind.

“Are you… are you transgender? Like… female to male?”

Alice

(He furrowed and laughed nervously a little)

“Uh… yeah, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before. I thought it didn’t matter.”

That was it! No wonder Alice had that hint of feminine features, it explained why he looked so androgynous. Adam was stunned by the revelation, feeling like he was seeing him in a completely new light. He had noticed their feminine features before, but he had assumed they came from their goth aesthetic or something close. He hadn’t realized that there was a deeper meaning behind them.

Adam

“Oh… wow, I-I had no idea.” he paused for a moment, trying to process the information. “So… you were born female?...”

Alice

(He rolled his eyes)

“Yeah, I did. Why?” 

(He said with a playful tone)

Adam chuckled sheepishly, how blunt his question must have sounded.

Adam

“Sorry, I just… I’m still kind of processing it. I had no idea, and it’s just… It’s a lot to take in.” he pauses for a moment, leaning against the nearest wall in the changing rooms. “So, when you say top surgery, you mean you had your…”

(He gestures awkwardly towards Alice’s chest)

Alice

(He nods and speaks out bluntly)

“Yes, Adam. My tits. Yeah, I had those before. The one’s you touch and squeeze when you fuck girls? Yeah, those.”

Adam felt his face flush with embarrassment at his words, remembering all the times he had done exactly that with other girls. He had never even thought that Alice might have gone through a transition, and now he was feeling like a complete idiot.

Adam

“Oh… yeah those,” he said awkwardly, avoiding eye contact with him. “So… how long have you… I mean, how long have you known you were trans?”

Alice

(He chuckles and takes the black shirt off)

“Umm… Since I was twelve.”

Adam tried not to look at their chest as they took the shirt off, feeling a strange mix of attraction and confusion.

Adam

“Wow, since you were 12? That’s… that’s a long time,” he says, impressed by their self-awareness. He didn’t know a lot about transgender people, but he was pretty sure most people didn’t even start questioning their identity until much later in life.

Alice

(He laughed when he noticed Adam’s adverting gaze)

“Hey, it’s okay. You can look, I really don’t care anymore. It’s not like I’m showing you my boobs.”

Alice winked at him. Of course, ironic joke!

Adam let out a nervous chuckle, feeling a mixture of embarrassment and attraction at their words. He slowly let his eyes wander over their bare chest, his gaze taking in the scars that ran across their skin.

Adam

“Right, I know,”

 His voice was hoarse. He paused for a moment, feeling the urge to reach out and touch him, he resisted the urge, though, knowing it wasn’t an appropriate time to have that kind of intimacy, or ever due to their agreement. He swallowed hard, trying to resist the growing attraction that was building inside of him. He cleared his throat awkwardly and looked away, trying to focus on something other than their bare chest.

“So, um… when did you had the surgery? If you don’t mind me asking.”

Alice

(He put on his original shirt)

“Right before I started testosterone. Like, um… two years ago? It hasn’t been long since I transitioned.”

Adam nodded, feeling a mix of surprise and admiration at their openness about their journey.

Adam

“Wow, that’s pretty recent,” 

He said, trying to wrap his head around the timeline. Two years since he started transitioning. 

“And… how’s it been? The whole transition, I mean. Was it… was it difficult?

Alice

“Mmhe… sort of. But who cares, right?” he said trying to dismiss himself “Anyway, I think it’s okay, depending on you, how you feel and the people around you, plus of course… your family.”

Adam absorbed their words, feeling a pang of guilt at the mention of family. He knew he didn’t have the most understanding or supportive family, and he wondered how they react if they ever found out that he was starting to develop feelings for a transgender person.

“Right, I can imagine that it would be harder if your family wasn't accepting,” he spoke carefully “Did… Did your family accept it?”

Alice

(He shrugged)

“Partially, um… Let’s say yes.”

(He walks out of the changing room)

“Anyway, testosterone is hard, dude. You don’t get it, since you were born with it. But sometimes it makes me go wild, like an animal. I crave a bunch of shit. It’s ass.”

Adam followed behind Alice out of the changing room, listening intently.

Adam

“Yeah, I think I get it. But… what do you mean it makes you feel like an animal? Like, you get really angry or something?”

Alice

(He shakes his head)

“Not what I meant dude…”

(He smirked)

“Anyway..”

Adam gazed at him with confusion, not sure what he meant until then it dawned on him.

Adam

“Oh… OH! I see what you mean,”

He said awkwardly, feeling his face flush with embarrassment. He rubbed the back of his neck with a sheepish expression, trying to ignore the attraction he was still feeling towards the smaller guy.

“So, you’re saying it makes you more, uh, frisky?”

Alice

(He laughed)

“I think you mean horny? Yeah. But hey, I know how to keep it down. If I had a dick. I would definitely have boners all the time. It’s kind of shitty.”

Adam laughed, feeling embarrassed and excited at their bluntness.

Adam

“Yeah, I guess that’s one way of putting it,”

(A smile played on his lips)

“And yeah, I can imagine having a dick would make things a little harder for you to control.”

Alice

“I mean, testosterone sometimes gives you bottom growth. But it didn’t happen to me. And honestly? I’m grateful, I’ve heard that shit hurts sometimes.”

Adam furrowed taken aback, he wasn’t quite sure what they meant by ‘Bottom growth.’

Adam

“Bottom growth?... You mean like, shrinkage?”

Alice

(He laughed at him once again)

“Quite the opposite… you know, when you used to lay a bunch of girls? and you please them, you touch them… Ya’ know, there? Well, that thing. Grows like a micro penis. Is horrifying to me.”

Adam blinked, completely shocked by their explanation. He had never heard of that before. He was far from amazed and oblivious.

Adam

“Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on a minute. You’re telling me that testosterone can cause you to grow a penis?...”

Alice

(He nods)

“Yeah, the clitoris is actually a penis that didn’t develop. So, when testosterone is taken, it makes it grow and shit. Well, when you were a creature inside of your mom. You still didn’t have a gender at week 10, you had a clitoris, from week 10 and beyond you began to develop masculine genitals. The clit grows, so… basically the penis isn’t exactly a penis. It’s a clitoris that grew. Long story short what you have it’s a clit bro.”

(He laughed at him)

Adam just stood there for a moment, trying to process everything they just said. It was a lot to take in, especially considering the fact that he had always thought of male and female anatomy in very binary terms.

Adam

“Okay, okay, hold up. So you’re telling me that… a clitoris is just a smaller version of a penis? And that if you take testosterone, it grows?”

Alice

(He nodded in agreement)

“Yup, so basically when you give a girl an oral. You are sucking a small dick.”

Adam feels his face flush again at their words, his mind immediately going to all the different things he’s done with girls in the past.

Adam

“Woah, okay, that’s a lot to take in,”

He said, feeling a little overwhelmed. He took a deep breath, trying to compose himself.

“So, I guess I’ve… I guess I’m straight, but I’ve basically been doing… gay stuff this whole time?”

Alice

“Yeah, in a few words yes. Because, before you fully developed, your dick was a clit. And it grew. The girls don’t have a micro dick, the men have big clits. Biology is crazy dude.”

Adam shook his head, still completely blown away by this information.

Adam

“Woah, okay- I think I need to sit down for a minute.”

Adam was feeling overwhelmed by everything he just told him. Alice laughed and made him sit down on the bench inside the changing rooms.

Alice

“Okay, sorry, sorry.”

(He said in between giggles)

Adam sank down onto the bench, feeling like his mind was spinning. He looks up at him with wide eyes, still trying to process everything he was told.

Adam

“No, no, it’s okay… I just… I had no idea. I feel like I need to reevaluate my entire life now,”  He joked weakly. After a moment, he shook his head and looked up at him again. “So, uh… does everyone who transitions know all this stuff? Like, do you have to study biology or something to figure out everything you just told me?

Alice laughed and hit Adam’s head softly with his hand.

Alice

“Don’t be such a smartass, Adam. Of course not, I know this because I’m smart and did my research!”

Adam winced a little at the smack on his head, rubbing the spot where he hit him

Adam

“Hey, hey, ow! I was just asking. I think I have a right to be a little shaken by all this new information.” He paused for a moment, a thought occurred in his mind. “But seriously, how did you even find out all this stuff I mean, I never learned any of this in school, except the basic stuff about male and female anatomy. But like… none of the stuff you just told me. And mind me, I’m smart. I was an honor student in high school and still am now in college.”

Alice

(He sat down beside him)

“Yeah well about that… I like sexuality. But not in like a lustful kind of way. More like in an interesting way to learn. You love sex, and I have this interest in sexuality. They’re close and similar, but very different things when it comes to other perspectives.”

Adam nodded, feeling a little embarrassed by their words. He did in fact love sex and had always seen it as just a fun, physical carnal thing. But from Alice’s perspective, it seemed like there was much more to it.

Adam

“Yeah, I guess I’ve never really thought about it that way. I just do it for the pleasure, I guess. But you… you see it as something deeper, something more complicated.”

Alice

“Okay! It doesn’t need to be philosophical alright? It’s not that deep.”

(He nudged him mockingly)

Adam

(He laughed at their nudge)

“Okay, okay, sorry. I didn’t mean to get all philosophical on you. I just… I guess I’m just trying to understand better. I’ve never really known anyone who’s transgender before, you know?” he pauses for a moment, a thought crossed his mind. “Hey, can I ask you something? And you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to.” he looked at him with a hesitant expression, not wanting to overstep any boundaries. “Have you, um… have you ever dated anyone since you started transitioning? Like, a guy, I mean.”

Alice

(He shook his head immediately)

“No, I actually haven’t been dating since I was fifteen. So…”

Adam

“Really? you haven’t dated anyone in three years?” he stares at him for a moment, a mixture of surprise and confusion on his face. “But… why? I mean, you’re a pretty attractive guy, I feel like you’d have girls lining up to date you.”

Alice

(He chuckled)

“Well, I do like girls. But I have a preference for guys.”

Adam absorbed their words. He couldn’t help but feel a little flustered deep down by the revelation.

Adam

“Oh, really? I had no idea.”

He pauses awkwardly, feeling the tension between the two of them growing thick. He clears his throat, trying to break the tension.

“So… have you ever you know, dated a guy before? Or, um…”

Adam trailed off, realizing how personal the question was, but Alice nodded unbothered.

Alice

“Yeah, a few.”

Adam felt jealous at their words, even though he knew he had no real claim over him.

Adam

“Oh, really? What were they like?”

Alice

(he reached his chin and rubbed it softly, pretending to think hard)

“Umm they were… they were…” 

(he snapped his fingers as if a brilliant idea had come in)

“Oh yeah! They were assholes.”

Adam laughed at their sarcastic remark, trying to ignore the knot of jealousy in his stomach.

Adam

“Really? All of them? Sounds like you’ve had some bad luck in the dating department.” he paused momentarily, hesitant to ask another question “Were you… did you ever date a guy who was… I mean, who wasn’t transgender? Like, a cisgender guy?”

Alice

“I’ve only dated cis guys, why?”

Adam

“Oh, um… no reason. I guess I just always assumed that trans people only dated other trans people. I didn’t realize that some of y’all date cis people.

He takes a deep breath, trying to control the feelings swirling inside him. He knows he has no right to feel jealous, but he can’t help it.

“But… did those relationships work out? I mean, were you happy in them?”

Alice raised an eyebrow at him in a ‘seriously?’ manner.

Alice

“Dude, if they’d had worked out I would be in a happy relationship. And to your other question, I don’t know if I ever was in the beginning. I was so much younger and I used to date those guys pre-transition. So… they dated a different person and version of me.”

Adam felt a pang of guilt at their words. Of course, those relationships didn’t work out. Otherwise, he wouldn’t be single, right?

Adam

“Right. Of course.” he paused for a moment, trying to find his words. “But… do you think you’ll ever date a cis guy again? Like… in the future?”

Alice

“Yeah, why not?... I mean like, if the right person comes of course.”

Adam nodded, trying to hide his internal struggle. He felt incredibly stupid, jealous, and vulnerable. And he hates it. Why was getting so worked up over the idea of him dating other guys?

Adam

“Right, right. I guess the right person is important, no matter what.” he paused once again, struggling with himself for a moment before spitting it out with a nervous tone “Hey, can I ask you something personal? And you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to, but um… when you date a cis guy, does it, uh… how does it work, in the bedroom?”

Alice

(He chuckled taken aback and embarrassed)

“Well… I actually haven’t dated anyone since I transitioned. But what I’ve researched… It’s pretty normal and regular. Like when you’re doing it with a girl. If you are dating a trans masc who hasn’t been through a bottom surgery. Basically it’s the same, or depending on if the trans masc is a top. That’ll be different.”

Adam felt his face getting hotter at their response, feeling both embarrassed and intrigued by their answer.

Adam

“Oh, I see. But… what do you mean by ‘depending if the trans masc is top’? Like… that makes a difference?”

Alice

“Fuck yeah, it does! If the guy is a top and has no bottom surgery and wants to well… top another guy, he’ll need a strap-on. And well… other tools ya’ know? But instead if the guy it’s a bottom. He doesn’t need to do that, just. Let someone fuck him-”

(He couldn’t help but snort out a laugh)

Adam blushed FURIOUSLY at their blunt explanation, his mind going to all kinds of different places and scenarios. The image of Alice with another guy, using a strap-on… was enough to make him feel weak.

Adam

“Oh… Oh wow. I see.” he tried to compose himself, but his voice still came out a little shaky “And you’re… okay with that? You don’t mind dating guys who… who expect that from you?”

Alice

(He raised an eyebrow)

“Expect what? What do you mean by that? Explain.”

Adam

He hesitates for a moment, not wanting to sound rude or offensive

“Well… I mean, like- does the person expect you to be the one who, you know… the one who takes it? Since, you know! You are the bottom in the relationship, and they’re the top. And, you know, some guys like to… to do things a certain way, and they expect their partner to do the same.”

Alice

“Well, it depends. Because, if you have a partner. You need to communicate and talk about it. It wouldn’t work if you were both tops, right? I mean… yeah, most of the time guys expect you to be the bottom. And of course, it’s understandable because you have a fucking pussy. What are you doing to do? Stick your clit up their ass? Of course not. But cis guys don’t realize that there are other ways to do the deed. And that’s when you get pegged by your trans partner haha.”

Adam can’t help but laugh a little, even though he’s still blushing furiously. Alice’s comment is both incredibly hot and incredibly embarrassing.

Adam

“I guess you have a point there.”

He fidgeted with his fingers, trying to calm himself down. He can’t believe they’re talking so openly about this stuff, and even worse he can’t believe how much it’s turning him on…

“But, um, speaking of communication… how do you, like, talk about stuff like that with a new guy? I mean, how do you let them know what you’re into?”

Alice

(He shrugged)

“I don’t know? Exactly how you do it with girls.”

Adam

(He rolls his eyes, feeling a little frustrated by their nonchalant response)

“Okay, but… I mean, some guys can be a little more… aggressive, I guess. Like, they have certain expectations about what their partner should be okay with. And... I don’t know. I’m just a little worried about how difficult it might be for you to find someone who respects your boundaries.”

Alice

(He laughed out loud on the bench)

“AHAHA! Hey, are you worried about my sex life? Augh, Adam. I don’t have sex. I haven't done that since I was fourteen.” his voice showed some discomfort at the end “I lost my virginity and then never had sex again.”

Adam

(He stared at him in surprise)

“What? You haven’t had sex since you were 14? That’s… that’s a long time, isn’t it?”

Alice

“Hey, just because you fuck girls left to right doesn’t mean everyone does.”

Now it was Adam’s turn to laugh.

Adam

“Oh, come on! That’s not fair. I don’t ‘fuck girls left to right.’ I have a couple of regular hookups, that’s it.”

(he rubs the back of his neck, feeling a little sheepish at his words)

“I mean, it’s not like I’m trying to be a jerk or anything, but… I just thought you would have a lot of guys or girls lining up to date you. That’s all.”

Alice

(he shook his head)

“Not at all. I don’t, nobody wants me. And I’m okay with that. And even if I had and they wanted to sex me up. I don’t think I could do that. I don’t do casual sex. I’m demisexual, so… it works differently for me.”

Adam

“Demisexual, huh? That’s when you need to be emotionally connected to someone before you can be attracted to them, right?”

Alice

(he nodded)

“Yup, exactly.”

Adam sat there next to him processing this new information about Alice. He feels empathy for him, realizing that their sexuality might make dating a lot harder than his own and that his past behavior towards them has made them uncomfortable.

Adam

“Okay, so… basically, you can’t just hook up with someone. You need to have feelings for them first.”

Alice

“Yeah, heh…” 

(he chuckled sheepishly)

“I feel like a complete romantic after what you just said, dude. Embarrassing!”

Adam

(he laughed feeling sheepish as well)

“Hey, there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s actually… kind of sweet, in a way.” he paused, looking at him with a contemplative expression. “But… it must make dating kind of difficult. I mean, if you need to have feelings for someone before you’re attracted to them.”

Alice

“Yeah because I don’t want you for your cock dude.” he said in a plural manner “I want you for who and what you are. I want to love you, to feel loved and desired with love. Not with lust. I want to make love. Not just choke on your cock and after that just say goodbye.”

Adam blushed once again at their blunt words, feeling a mixture of embarrassment and arousal. Their words are heartfelt and sincere, they make him feel both touched and a little guilty.

Adam

“I get what you mean. I guess I’ve never really thought about it that way before.”

Adam paused for a moment to think back on all the people he’s hooked up with. None of those times had been meaningful or affectionate. It was all just merely physical pleasure, with no emotional connection. He'd never done it with someone he’d ever had a real and genuine connection. Someone he’d loved and or loved him back. Something far more than just lustful physical desire and attractiveness. Just carnal .

“Maybe you have a point. Maybe I’ve been going about things all wrong.”

(he shrugs, feeling a little embarrassed)

“I mean, I always assumed that casual hookups were okay, because… I don’t know.  I thought that was just what people did in adulthood these days. But now that I think about it… I don’t think I’ve ever really felt emotionally connected to any of the people I’ve been with.”

(he looks at him, his eyes meeting Alice’s)

“Maybe I need to start doing things differently. Maybe I need to start looking for something more meaningful, instead of just… mindless hookups.” he takes a deep breath, feeling a little vulnerable “I don’t know. It’s not like I don’t want to find someone to love and be loved by. I’m just… I’m not sure I know how to do it, you know?”

Alice smiled tenderly at him, feeling understanding of him now. He reached and played with Adam’s hair. It seemed like a playful gesture, but he wanted to comfort him. After all, he was struggling with himself now that he wasn’t constantly numbing himself.

  Alice

“It’s okay, man. You’ll find someone.” 

(he stands up)

“Anyway, let’s get out of this thrift shop. I didn’t like anything in here.”

Adam stood up after him and nodded, secretly enjoying the feeling of their fingers in his hair. straightening his clothes. He grabbed the bluish Hawaiian-style shirt he grabbed earlier. They walked up to the cashier and bought only that item. As soon as they exited the store he spoke.

Adam

“Yeah okay. Where do you want to go next?”

Chapter Text

Adam and Alice began to recently hang out more and more frequently. Soon enough Adam was close to hit three weeks without any substance or intimate encounter with his regular roster.

He’s been feeling good about himself. His head is clearer, his body feels healthier, and lately, he’s been enjoying spending time with Alice. Finding himself looking for excuses to hang out together during their free time, making up reasons to call or message Alice. Without alcohol or drugs, he’s feeling a certain clarity that he hasn’t felt in years.

The two of them were walking back to Adam’s place after a day out, chatting about nothing in particular. The LA sun setting down, casting shadows on the sidewalk. Adam can’t help but notice how the fading sunlight makes Alice’s hair glow, his pale mole-sprinkled skin look gorgeous, and their dark chocolate eyes shine under the set sun’s light. Appreciating the small details of Alice’s personality.

He shoved his hands in his pockets, feeling restless but in a good way.

Adam

“You know, I’m glad we’ve been hanging out more lately. It’s been nice having someone to talk aside from my usual crowd. I feel like I can relax around you.”

Alice

(He shrugged unbothered walking by Adam’s side)

“Mmheh… That’s okay, Adam. I’m glad I can be the one helping you.”

Adam gives him a sideways glance, feeling touched by their nonchalant demeanor.

Adam

“Hey, don’t act like you don’t enjoy my company too. You know you love hanging out with me.” He grins, feeling a spark of banter between them two “Admit, I’m fun to be around. You like having me around, I’m amusing.”

Alice

(He rolls his eyes)

“I’ve never said I didn’t. I do like hanging out with you. We’re friends and I like you, after all that happened. We actually became friends heh…” he sighed out and chuckled amazed “I’m glad… and I’m proud of you. You’ve been clean for almost three weeks. Let’s hope for more, okay?”

Adam blushes, feeling a mingling of pride and humility at their encouraging words. Genuinely surprised that he’d noticed his efforts to stay sober.

Adam

“Thanks, Al. That… That means a lot to me. I know it’s only been three weeks, but… It’s been hard, you know? I keep wanting to take the easy way out.”

They rounded the corner on the sidewalk and finally reached Adam’s street, walking up to his apartment complex. They stood in front of his place’s stairs.

Alice

(He walks up to Adam)

“Yeah, I know. But you can do it, dude. I believe in you…”

Adam looks at him warmly, touched by their faith in him. He walked up the small stoop and stood in front of his door. Alice was being too kind to walk him up to his apartment.

Adam

“Thanks, Al. I appreciate it. You’re a good friend.”

  He hesitated for a moment, feeling a little awkward to just walk inside and leave Alice outside for him to just go home.

“Hey, do you… do you want to come inside for a bit?”

Alice shrugged and thought hesitant for a moment, deciding to give it a shot he nodded.

Alice

“Yeah, why not?”

He said with a soft tender smile. Adam pulled his keys out of his pocket, unlocked the entrance door of his apartment and walked in. Alice followed behind, and they both walked in. The place was dimply lit up by some reading lamps and a string of colorful Christmas lights hanging down from the ceiling for decoration, showing off Adam’s personality. The place felt warm inside in comparison to the outside, as they walked in they bumped into each other by accident.

“Heh, sorry.”

Adam laughed a little, feeling butterflies in his stomach from the brief contact.

Adam

“No, I should be the one apologizing.”

He fumbled for the light switch when he finally flicked it up, and the room suddenly filled with soft, warm light. He motions for Alice to sit down on the couch, flopping down beside him. Alice sighed and rested his head on Adam’s shoulder so casually. The day has been long and exhausting after their hang-out at the park. They finally came home, the both of them alone in comfortable silence.

Alice

“Ahh…”

Adam froze for a moment as Alice’s head rested on his shoulder. His heart thumped faster in his chest, their closeness making his body feel hot. He tried to keep his voice casual, but he couldn’t help to feel a little flustered.

Adam

“Long day?”

He can feel the warmth of their body against his, he can smell their sweet, musky, strawberry scent. Adam suppresses the urge to put his arm around him, unsure of how they would react. He fidgets with his fingers, trying to focus on something other than the way their hair feels on his skin.

“Yeah, I feel you. I’m pretty drained too.”

Alice chuckles and sighs against Adam’s shoulder. Both of them, alone in Adam’s apartment. Close to each other. On the same sofa…

Alice

“Heh… I know.”

The sound of their soft laughter against his shoulder sent a shiver down Adam’s spine. His brain screaming at him to make a move, to do something, but he’s frozen in place, torn between his desire to be close to him and his fear of rejection and stepping off their already set boundaries.

Adam closes his eyes for a moment, his mind racing. The apartment was suddenly quiet, the only sound was the faint hum of the air conditioning and the steady rhythm of their breaths.

He can’t stand it anymore. They’re so close to him, so intimately close. He can barely think straight, his thoughts are a jumble of conflicting emotions. Unable to resist any longer, he reaches his arm around him, pulling Alice tighter against him.

Adam holds him close, his breath shaky. He can feel their body against his, and it feels so impossibly good. He’s been wanting this for weeks, but he’s too scared to admit it.

Adam

(He whispered, his voice barely above a whisper)

“Is this… okay?”

Alice was taken aback by the sudden action, but he nodded slowly. He did feel embarrassed by the move but… thought it was fine just for today.

Alice

“Yeah… don’t worry.”

Adam lets out a sigh of relief, feeling the tension ease a little. He pulls him even closer, savoring the feel of their body against his. He rubs their back a little, his hand tracing circles on their skin through their shirt, feeling a little bold.

“You feel so good”

(He murmurs, his voice low and a little hoarse)

Alice snickered and looked up at him, their faces close enough to feel each other’s breath hit their own. Somewhat intimate for them, keeping their friendly banter.

Alice

“Pfft! What is that supposed to mean, dude?”

Adam can feel their breath on his skin, and it’s making his heart race faster. He tries to play it cool, but his voice betrays his attraction to them.

Adam

“I don’t know, it’s just… I feel really good when you’re close to me. Like, really good. It’s hard to explain.”

He looks down at him, his eyes tracing the features of their face, taking in every little detail. Their eyes, their lips, their nose, their hair, and his moles sprinkled all over his skin.

Adam’s hand moves from their back to their hair, his fingers tangling gently in the strands. His fingers tangled gently in the strands. The atmosphere in the room is thick with tension, and he’s suddenly very aware of how close their face is to his.

“You… you have really soft hair,”

He said his voice a whisper, almost intimate.

Alice frowned slightly puzzled and chuckled a little.

Alice

“Thanks… I take care of it…”

(He giggles, staring into his eyes)

Adam smiled, feeling a little silly for saying something so obvious. But he can’t help but be distracted by how cute they look when they laugh.

Adam

“Yeah, I can tell. It’s really nice.”

He lets his fingers run through their hair for a bit longer, feeling the silky strands against his skin. Suddenly struck by how much he wants to kiss him. His eyes flicker down to their lips, and has to stop himself from acting on the impulse. Adam swallows hard, his heart pounding in his chest. He’s torn between wanting to pull him even closer and wanting to keep some distance between the two of them. But their faces are so close, and he can’t help but look at his lips, parted slightly as they breathe…

He feels a magnetic pull towards him, an overwhelming desire to feel their lips against his. He can’t think straight, his mind clouded with a mixture of desire and uncertainty. He hesitates, not knowing what to do. His body is screaming at him to act. He’s torn between wanting to hold onto his feelings and the need to act on them.

“Al, can I… uh…”

(He stutters)

Alice

(He looks up at him)

“Yeah? What’s up?...”

Adam takes a deep breath, gathering his courage. His heart is racing, he’s never felt this nervous in his entire life.

Adam

“I-I want to… I want to kiss you. Can I?”

He holds his breath, his eyes glued to their face, waiting for their response, hoping against hope that they’ll say yes.

Alice chuckled and blushed slightly. He nodded somewhat resigned.

Alice

“Just-... hurry before I change my mind…”

His heart skips a beat in his chest, and he feels a rush of pure elation at their consent. Without a moment’s hesitation, he leans down and captures their lips in a kiss.

Adam’s lips were tentative at first, gently brushing against theirs, as if he couldn’t quite believe this was really happening. But as the initial contact sparks a wave of pleasure through his system, his confidence grows, and he deepens the kiss, pressing his lips more insistently against theirs. He puts his hand on the back of their head, pulling them closer to him, savoring the taste of their mouth on his. A tasty strawberry chapstick.

Alice’s cheeks slowly blushed and closed his eyes shut, tilting his head a little to the side. Letting Adam kiss him better, he couldn’t help but feel his heart pounding in his chest too.

As soon as Adam feels their response to his kiss, his passion ignites like a wildfire. He pulls him closer, his body against theirs, his arms wrapping around him like he never wants to let him go. He lets his tongue slide against their lips, seeking entry to their mouth, wanting to taste him completely. His fingers tangle further in the soft strands as he continues to kiss him deeply.

Adam can’t get enough of him -  the way he feels, the way he tastes, the way he responds to his touch. He’s never wanted anything so badly in his life. He kisses him hungrily, his every nerve ending on fire with pleasure. He can feel the heat of his, the softness of their skin against his chest. He wants to devour him, to savor every inch of him. He pulls away from his lips, his breath ragged, and he looks at him with darkened eyes.

Adam presses his forehead against his, his hand still tangled in their hair. He’s overwhelmed by everything he’s feeling, and he can’t find the words to express it all. So instead, he murmurs their name, his voice low and rough with emotion.

“Al…”

Alice lets out a heavy breath out, feeling their foreheads pressed against each other, and stares into his eyes. Their eyelashes almost collided with each other’s.

Alice

“Y-yeah?...”

Adam can see the flush on their cheeks, the way their eyes seem to sparkle in the soft light of the room, the way their hair is slightly mussed from the way he’s been touching it.

He takes a moment to regain his composure, his fingers still tangled in their hair.

Adam

“I just… I wanted to say your name. I like the way it sounds.”

He hesitates for a moment, feeling a little embarrassed by his confession. Alice’s cheeks blushed again, he looked away embarrassed. Hiding his face on Adam’s shoulder.

Alice

(He whispers)

“Jesus…”

Adam laughs, feeling a mixture of affection and amusement. He rubs their back gently, enjoying the way they’ve hidden their face against his shoulder.

Adam

“Hey, don’t hide from me. I like seeing you blush.”

He grins, enjoying the way he can make him feel so flustered. He can’t resist teasing him a little, his voice low in their ear.

“C’mon, turn your face towards me. I want to see those pretty cheeks.”

Alice groaned against his shoulder in embarrassment, the sound muffling on it.

Alice

“Mnnffh!!”

Adam laughs again, loving the way he gets so worked up just from his teasing. He gently tugs on their hair, trying to coax them out of hiding.

Adam

“Come on, don’t be shy. Let me see your face. I bet you look absolutely adorable right now.”

Alice looked up at him from his shoulder, embarrassed

“Mmh…”

He groaned softly, his cheeks were burning hot and completely red, and he pouted softly.

Adam grins, feeling a rush of affection as he sees their blushing face. He’d never seen him quite like this before, and he loved it. He cups their cheeks in his hands, his thumbs gently stroking their skin.

Adam

“See, I told you. You look absolutely adorable when you’re all flustered.”

He chuckles, his voice soft, whispery, and affectionate. He can’t resist teasing him further. He leans down and brushes his lips against their ear, his breath tickling their skin.

“Your flustered face is driving me crazy, you know, It’s making me want to do a lot of other things to you.”

 Alice’s face boiled red, and he shivered. He felt extremely embarrassed and nervous. Flustered, All at once!

Alice

“W-what?...”

( He asked in shock)

Adam laughed at their reaction, feeling a rush of desire as he got all flustered and nervous. He enjoys making him feel this way, it makes him feel powerful and wanted.

Adam

“Oh, you know what I mean.”

He said, his voice low and sultry. He moves closer to him, his body pressing against theirs again, his hands still cupping Alice’s face.

“There’s so many things I want to do to you right now.”

He runs his nose along the side of Alice’s neck, inhaling deeply, taking in their scent. His lips brushing against the sensitive skin of their throat, his tongue darting out to taste him. He can feel the heat of their body against his, and his own body responding to their closeness.

“Mm, you have no idea how much I want you right now…”

Alice squirmed and frowned, immediately pushing him away softly.

Alice

“N-No… sorry, I-I can’t.”

(He looked away embarrassed)

Adam pulls back a little, surprised and disappointed by their sudden rejection. He looks at him, his eyes filled with confusion and hurt. He runs a hand through his hair trying to process what just happened.

Adam

“What? What do you mean, you can’t?”

He tries to hide the disappointment in his voice, but it’s difficult. He thought they were on the same page, that he wanted him as much as he wanted him. But now, he’s not so sure…

He takes a moment to collect himself, trying to make sense of their reaction. He takes a deep breath, his mind still whirling with a mixture of desire and confusion.

“Al… what’s going on? Did I do something wrong? I thought… I thought you wanted this as much as I did.”

Alice shook his head embarrassed, still in embarrassed shock.

Alice

“I’m sorry, I thought we’ll just kiss… you said it, right? You asked if you could kiss me and that was it, and I-I’m also not ready, dude. I’m sorry, I know you like me. I don’t want to play with your feelings.”

Adam sighed, feeling a mixture of disappointment and understanding. He knew deep down that he had seen moving too fast, too early on in whatever this thing between the two of them was…

Adam

“No, it’s fine… you’re right. I did say I just wanted to kiss you. And I understand you’re not ready for anything more right now. It’s okay…”

He runs a hand through his hair again, feeling a little embarrassed by his earlier desperation. He looks at him apologetically. He scoots over back a little, giving him some space, trying to give the both of them a moment to breathe.

“I didn’t mean to pressure you. I just… I just really like you. And I got carried away in the moment. I guess. But it’s okay. I understand. And I respect your boundaries, I promise. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

Alice

(He stood up from the couch.)

“It’s alright, I shouldn’t have given you the green light. I’m sorry I confused you.”

Adam shook his head, not wanting him to blame himself for anything.

Adam

“No, it’s not your fault. It was my fault for getting carried away. And I should have been more respectful of your boundaries. I don’t want to mess this up, Al. I really like you. I just… I’ll try to go slower next time, okay? I don’t want to push you into anything you’re not ready for.”

He smiled a little, still feeling a bit embarrassed and disappointed. But he also understood that taking things slow was probably for the best, for both of your sakes. Very bold of himself to think it’ll be even a next time.

“Can we… can we still be friends? Even if we’re not rushing into anything more intimate right now?”

Alice

(He smiled tenderly at him and nodded)

“Of course we can, I mean…” 

(He sits down beside Adam)

“I do… also like you, Adam. But I don’t want to get in between your recovery…”

Adam looked at him, surprised and touched by their words. A smile tugged at the corners of his lips.

Adam

“You… you do? Really?”

He felt a surge of hope and happiness at their confession. Even if they weren’t ready to take things further right now, it still felt good to know that the feeling was mutual.

“And what do you mean about getting in between my recovery?”

Alice

“Well, I mean like. I don’t want you to get focused on whatever this is… and forget everything about yourself, stop caring about your detoxing. You do one thing or the other.”

Adam nodded slowly, understanding what he meant. It was a valid concern, he knew he could easily get caught up in a crush and forget about his own well-being.

Adam

“I get what you’re saying. And I don’t want that either. I want to focus on my recovery. That’s my main priority right now.” he pauses, thinking for a minute. “But at the same time, I don’t want to push you away. I want to keep you in my life… if that’s what you want too…?”

Alice

(He nodded and smiled kindly at him)

“I do… I want to.”

(He reaches and caresses his hair)

“I like you, Adam… But I want you to be fully recovered and well, first.”

Adam feels a warm flutter in his chest at their words and the feel of their hand in his hair. He closes his eyes for a moment, enjoying the sensation, before opening them again to look up at him.

Adam

“I appreciate that. And I will do my best to focus on my recovery. I don’t want to mess this up. I really like you too, Al. So I’ll try to do the right thing, okay?”

Alice

(He nodded and leans in to kiss his cheek)

“Promise…”

Adam feels the warmth of their kiss on his cheek, and he can’t help but smile. He feels gratitude towards him.

Adam

“I promise. I’ll do whatever it takes to get better. And I’ll take things slow with you. We’ll go at your pace.”

He pauses for a moment, feeling a rush of emotion. He takes their hand in his, squeezing it gently.

“And in the meantime… can I still see you? Can we still hang out, talk… stuff like that? As friends.”

Alice

(He nods)

“Of course, I never mean to go away. I’m still gonna be here for you.”

(He kept caressing his hair)

Adam felt a sense of relief and happiness wash over him at his words. He leans into their touch, enjoying the feel of their fingers in his hair.

Adam

“Good… because I don’t want to lose you, even if we’re not rushing into anything serious right now.” he turns to look at him, his eyes locked onto his. “You mean a lot to me, you know that right?”

Alice

“Mhm…”

(He got comfortable on the couch)

“Plus I want to get to know you better.”

Adam

“Right, right… So, um. Ahem!” He clears his voice with a playful tone. “Favorite fruit?”

Alice laughed and rolled his eyes playfully at his witticism and silly sense of humor. Smiling sheepishly, feeling shy at his silly advances.

Alice

“You’re such a dork!”

Adam

“Anwer the question!”

Alice

“Ugh… fine! But I have quite a few, okay? Well, I like strawberries, watermelon, mango… But my favorite, favorite? Strawberry. But in everything, food, perfume… just my favorite.”

Adam

“Those are good. My favorite fruit? Mango. So, I’m glad we have that one in common. But seriously, Strawberry for everything? I can see it though.”

Alice

“Yeah, Alright… What now?”

Adam

“You really are socially awkward, huh?”

Alice frowned and shoved him playfully on the shoulder. Slowly showing how their strange relationship began to morph and grow slowly. The small details and actions mean so much more.

Alice

“Stop! Okay, my turn. What about you, hm? Favorite color?”

Adam

“Really? Colors? Are we like in kindergarten?”

Alice

“Favorite. Color.”

(He said defiantly)

Adam

“I’m joking, alright! alright!” he giggled “Yellow.”

Alice

“I knew it! That’s why your Jeep’s yellow, don’t it?”

Adam

“Caught red-handed, ‘kay your turn.”

Alice

“Black and Red.”

Adam

“I knew it! Black, you’re so predictable, Al. You’re always wearing black. Plus, your hair is this vibrant red.”

Alice

“Okay, so? I like expressing myself through my clothes and hair. Is that not to your liking?”

(He asked pretending to be defiant once again)

Adam

“No, no, I like it! I like it, okay? Suits you very well.”

Alice

“Thank you, that’s what-,” he moved, making Adam flinch as a joke, “I thought.”

They both giggled and continued their conversation after that playful move.

Adam

“Sweet or salty?”

Alice

“Sweet a hundred percent! I’m more of a sweet tooth person, you?”

Adam

“Sweet as well.”

They spent the evening talking about the basics, ‘dogs or cats?’ or ‘warm or cold?’. The kind of facts you’d talk about in high school or middle school.

After a couple of hours, Alice had to leave, he had work the following day and Adam had class as well. At least he learned more about Alice, like how moved to Los Angeles after high school by himself. That he learned English when he was fifteen, no wonder why he had an almost imperceptible accent when he spoke. Or how he was raised in Tijuana. The day had gone incredible, they’d hung out, spent time alone, and even shared a kiss…

Adam stood up from the couch shortly after Alice left and walked upstairs to his room. Getting ready for bed. Taking off his pants and putting on an old white T-shirt to go to bed. Staying in boxers, he gets in bed and covers himself with the blankets. He lay there deep in thought. Reminiscing on the feeling of that kiss, the way Alice’s soft moisturized pink lips felt against his…

“Good night, Al.”

He spoke to himself before falling asleep.

Chapter Text

After that night both began caring for each other more. Often going out, and Alice accompanying Adam to doctors appointments. Regular checkouts for STDs. Since he used to have a lot of casual sex with different girls in shocking amounts. They were sitting in a waiting room, waiting to be called in for their turn. They were there to take some samples for another test. The space was white, and everything around them was almost completely sterile. It even felt cold in that room, they were the only ones in the waiting room. But the simple fact of having Alice nearby, supporting him... made him feel warm, and comfortable, something that was somehow foreign to him. Adam spoke softly, catching Alice's attention.

Adam

"You know... When I was a kid I used to go to hospitals and clinics often because I pretended to be sick so my parents could show some interest or worry for me." He clears his throat softly uncomfortably. "I have weird memories of hospitals. It's always cold... and very, very silent. I somehow hate them. Because it wasn't different from home."

(He chuckled trying to downplay the situation)

Alice

(He turned to look at him with a worried expression)

“Hey, are you okay? You want to talk about it?”

Adam

“No- I’m fine, I just… Nevermind. I don’t know why I said that, forget it.”

Alice

“Hey, hey, it’s okay you can talk about it with me. You can trust me.”

Adam

(He sighs)

“I… fine, okay well. Um… I’m the only child in my family. No brothers or sisters…”

Alice

“I suppose you felt lonely?...”

Adam

(He snorts)

“Pfft… Fuck I did… You know, my father wasn’t really there, and when he was home… He barely paid attention to me. My mom? She couldn’t care less, just the money. Money, money, money! Maxing Dad’s credit cards. And I don’t blame her, my dad gives me money as well, he pays for my apartment, the scholarship, groceries, and the bills. He doesn’t care about the amount but… as he doesn’t care for the amount, he doesn’t care deeper for me, I don’t care about the money, I just want them to care. And it hurts how much neither of them don’t, they think I’m a… ‘perfect’ son and that I just once had a slip-up. They don’t see me beyond my stupid perfect grades. Oh! ‘my son is an honor student’, ‘My son will graduate college with honors!’, ‘My son soon will turn into an economist!’.” 

Alice

“What’s your dad’s job?”

Adam

“He’s a businessman, he works for this company… he’s a well-known lawyer and travels all the time with the executives. The main reason he wasn’t home, doing paperwork all the time when he was and getting constant calls, he spent more time on call than talking to me or Mom. It pays well, I know it does but… I wished I had spent more time with him. Dad is a very distant man and mom… She could spent the whole day with he friends shopping or going out. As soon as I had the age to stay home alone, she left me there with a card for emergencies. Sometimes I felt like neither of them actually loved me, or that they even want me.”

(He paused thoughtfully)

Alice

“Adam… I’m so sorry to hear that.”

Adam

“It’s not your fault, so don’t apologize.”

Alice

“Did you at least have friends?”

Adam

(He laughs and smiles)

“Haha! Yeah, I did. Charlie, you haven’t met him yet. But he has been my best friend since middle school, when mom was away I used to sneak him home with a group of friends and we used to have a blast! or we used to go out, thankfully my parents never checked the emergency card’s balance because! Jee...”

Alice

“Heh… Really? Where’s Charlie right now?”

Adam

“Uhh… I think he’s away in Utah?... I don’t know man, his parents sent him away.”

Alice

(He furrows taken aback)

“What? Why? Is he in college over there?”

Adam

(He spoke out bluntly)

“No, he’s at this catholic facility. He has a heroin addiction.”

Alice

“Oh… That’s…”

Adam

“Yeah, I haven’t heard from him for a while. He’s a few months younger than me, so he can’t get out until he’s eighteen. He said that when he gets out he’ll call me.” he paused and chuckled “You know, it's funny because me, him, and another friend tried the same thing one night… And here we are.”

He said with a smile and stared down, but underneath that smile and that low gaze Alice saw discomfort and a hint of pure sadness, disappointment. Alice knew that night had affected him monumentally til this very day. Something he couldn’t been able to let go of for a long time. Something that has turned him into its slave. 

As Adam looked up, their gazes met. A silent moment between them, sadness, regret, and understanding. A tender look was provided by Alice.

Alice

“Adam, I-”

Before he could say something else, he was cut off by a nurse calling for Adam. Catching both attention. interrupting them and their silent moment.

Nurse

“Adam? Adam Kaplan?”

Adam

(He looks up at the nurse, snapping out of their locked gazes)

“Y-yeah? That’s me.”

Nurse

“You can come in, we’re all set up for you.”

Adam

(He nods and stands up)

“Okay!”

Alice

“You want me to come in with you?”

Alice tried to stand up and go with him, but Adam stopped him.

Adam

“No, it’s fine. Wait for me here.”

He said with a tender smile as he began to walk away from the room and followed the nurse in. Alice sat back down with a sigh he said ‘Okay…’. Hopefully, even after all those unprotected casual hookups, he was completely clean. Adam recently began therapy, just a few sessions, not a lot to get him to work on things or get a diagnosis. Everything was going fine, it had taken a lot of hard work and determination, but suddenly something happened. He was hanging out at his apartment until there was a knock at the door. Adam opened the door, a girl showed up at his apartment that night. She didn’t know he was changing and in recovery. But there she was, standing on the other side of the door

He wasn’t expecting to see her, and he felt a jolt of anxiety run through him. They had known each other since high school and from some past hookups, He looked at her, surprised and a little bit anxious.

“Oh… Hey, Stacey. What are you doing here?” 

She looked up at him, a coy smile on her face. It was clear from her demeanor that she was there for a reason, and that reason didn’t involve just catching up over coffee.

He knew what she was hinting at, and he immediately felt conflicted. Part of him wanted to tell her to go away, that he was not the same person she used to know. But another part of him felt a flicker of old temptation and familiar desire until she brought out a small Ziploc bag with white powder in it. Cocaine… No, no, NO! Adam hasn’t reached the 30 days clean!

As soon as he saw the bag, his heart sank, ‘Cocaine’. He had been clean for nearly 30 days, and he had worked so hard to resist temptation. But now, this woman was here with drugs, unannounced, trying to drag him back into his old habits. 

He felt a sick feeling in his stomach, torn between the pull of his addiction and the desire to stay clean, he tried to stay strong, tried to resist the urge. But his mind was racing, and his body was buzzing with anticipation. He knew what that cocaine could do for him, what it could make him feel. It was like an old

friend, calling out to him, promising instant gratification and escape from his problems.

He fought with himself, torn between rational thought and primal desire. Part of him was screaming to send her away, to protect his recovery. But another part of him was whispering that it would be okay, just this once. 

His hands were shaking, his breathing labored as he tried to resist the urge to give in. He could feel his involvement weakening, and he knew he was close to giving in. The woman was still standing there, with the bag in hand, waiting for his response.

Adam glanced at the bag, then up at her face. He could see the desire and excitement in her eyes, and it was making his desire grow stronger by the second.

He could hear his inner voice telling him to stay strong, to remember how hard he had worked to get clean. But the voice was getting weaker, drowned out by the sound of his heartbeat, thump thump thump, echoing in his ears. His mind was racing, trying to make a decision, but his body was yearning for the rush of cocaine 

He could feel the pull of the drugs, calling out to him like a siren’s song. It was tempting, so damn tempting. All he had to do was reach out and take it, and then all his worries and troubles would go away, just for a little while. 

Because sometimes… people have their flaws right? It’s normal to have breakdowns, right? Is it normal to have breakdowns?

‘Just this time, just once. And I’ll start fresh tomorrow.’ Adam thought to himself

He looked back at the bag, and that thought popped into his mind. Maybe just this once wouldn’t hurt. It was a slip-up, sure, but he could get back on track tomorrow. Just one high, just one more time to satisfy this urge. 

He could feel his resistance crumbling, his willpower fading as the thought of a single high began to take over his mind. It was just one time, just one slip-up. It wouldn’t matter in the long run, right? 

He looked up at the woman, still holding the bag in hand, and he could see the satisfaction in her eyes. She knew she had him, that she had reeled him in, and that he was about to give in.

Stacey

“What’s up, Adam? I brought you a gift…”

(She smirked)

Adam felt a surge of conflicting emotions. He wanted to say no, to push her away and tell her to leave. But the desire for the high was too strong, too overwhelming. He couldn’t resist any longer.

Adam

“A gift, huh…?”

He tried to sound casual, tried to play it cool, but he could hear the wavering in his voice. The need for the high was coursing through his veins, making him shake with desire and anticipation. 

She giggles and walks in, making her way to the couch and bringing the coke to the middle table, making some lines with a card on the middle table, and bringing out a straw.

He followed her to the couch, his eyes locked on the table and the line of white powder in front of him. His heart was racing with a mix of excitement and shame, knowing that he was about to give in to his addiction, but being unable to resist the pull of the drugs.

He sat down on the couch, his stomach twisting in knots as he watched her prepare the line. He knew he was making a mistake, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. The need for the high was too strong, too all-consuming.

He felt his mouth go dry as he watched her place the straw on the line and move it over to him. His hands were shaking as he reached up to take it from her, his mind consumed with the need for the drugs.

He took the straw from her, his hand trembling as he leaned in and placed it against his nose. He could feel the coldness of the cocaine as he moved the straw up and down across the line, coating one nostril and then the other. The anticipation was almost unbearable, he had missed this feeling so much.

Stacey

“There we go. Now~ Are we going to… Ya’ know? Here?”

(she leaned in to kiss Adam’s cheek sensually)

Adam barely registered her touch, his mind focused solely on the powder. He nodded, his thoughts hazy and his mind starting to feel the first effects of the drugs, 

He closed his eyes for a moment, feeling the familiar sensation of the high beginning to take over his body. The rush of pleasure and energy was like a wave, washing over him, numbing his worries and regrets. Replacing them with a sense of intense euphoria. 

Adam sat back on the couch, his eyes half-lidded, a faint smile on his lips as the cocaine flooded through his system. He felt detached from reality like he was floating on a cloud of pleasure and bliss.

He could hear the girl talking, but her words were like background noise, barely registering in his drug-hazed mind. The only thing that mattered was the high, the sensation of being completely lost in the momentary euphoria.

The brunette girl got on top of him and began to kiss his neck slowly up to his jaw, that’s what she wanted after all. Sex with Adam, just like they used to.

Adam didn’t resist. He’s been abstinent for over 3 weeks. His mind was fogged from the drug, and his body was responding mindlessly to her touch. He could feel her lips on his neck and her body against his, but his thoughts were far away, lost in the high.

Suddenly, the entrance door opened and someone was coming in. Alice walked inside with a smile on his face. Everything felt in slow motion. He, without knowing his future ‘partner’ relapsed and was getting high… again.

Alice

“Hey, Adam-...”

(He slowly looked up at the couch that was near next to the door)

Adam’s heart sank as he heard Alice’s voice. He knew he had been caught. The girl on top of him sat up, startled by the unexpected arrival, and Adam’s drug-addicted mind struggled to process what was happening. He looked up at Alice, his eyes wide with shock and guilt. 

Alice’s eyes widened, he looked petrified. The incriminatory lines on the middle table as evidence, that girl on top of him, he relapsed… his hard work went down the drain.

Adam felt a wave of shame wash over him, seeing the look on Alice’s face. Alice had put so much effort into helping him recover, and now he had let him down. He tried to speak, tried to find the words to explain what had happened, but all that came out was a strangled breath.

The girl on top of him looked between the two guys, sensing the sudden change in atmosphere. She got off of him, standing awkwardly to the side, not sure what to do now that the mood had shifted so drastically.

Adam sat up his head spinning as the high began to fade and reality started to set back in. He looked at Alice, his heart heavy with guilt and remorse.

Adam

“Al, I can explain… I didn’t mean to-”

Alice

(He frowned sad-angrily)

“You promised… you fucking promised me, Adam! And who the fuck is this?!” he pointed aggressively at the girl “Not only I found you high, but hooking up with a girl!”

Adam felt a fresh wave of shame wash over him as Alice’s words hit him like a punch in the gut. He knew he had promised, he had sworn to Alice he was going to stick to his recovery plan. But here he was, high and caught red-anded hooking up with a girl who didn’t even matter to him.

Adam

“I know, I know I promised. I’m sorry…  don’t know what happened. She showed up and I-”

He cut himself off, realizing how weak and pathetic his excuses sounded. There was no excuse for what he had done, no reason that could explain away the fact that he had given in to temptation and betrayed Alice’s trust.

He looked at up Alice, his eyes pleading for forgiveness, but he knew he didn’t deserve it. He had messed up… again, and now he had hurt the one person who had been there for him through thick and thin.

“Al, I’m sorry. I know I messed up, I know I broke my promise. But please, forgive me. Please. I need you, I need you more than ever right now. I can’t do this alone…”

Alice's face began to get wet, tears running down his cheeks. Crying he began walking away up to the door. He felt betrayed, and destroyed. Not only because of Adam’s relapse but also because he was with a woman. After they just confessed they liked each other, willing to be together in the future when he gets better.

Adam felt a pang of guilt and regret as he watched Alice walk away, his eyes welling with tears as he realized the extent of his mistake. He knew he had hurt Alice in more ways than one… not just by relapsing, but by giving into a meaningless hookup, and potentially jeopardizing their chance at a future together.

He got up from the couch, swaying on his feet as the last remnants of the high faded. He felt sick to his stomach, both from the guilt he felt and from the after-effects of the drugs. He stumbled over to where Alice had walked too, calling out softly.

“Al, wait, please…”

Stacey

“What? So we’re not fucking now?...”

Adam turned and looked over his shoulder, glaring at the girl. His mind was starting to clear, and he suddenly realized how stupid he had been. This girl meant nothing to him and was a temptation that he had given into a moment of weakness.

Adam

“No. We’re not. Just… get out. Now.”

Stacey

“What?? Dude, you don’t know how much I spent on the powder! You’re lame!”

His anger flared at her tone, and he clenched his fists. He wanted to go over there and punch her for calling him lame, for dragging him down into this mess in the first place, but he knew that wouldn’t solve anything.

Adam

“I don’t care how much you spent. I never asked you to bring that stuff here. You’re just a… a stupid distraction. Now get out. Before I make you get out.”

He spoke harshly, his voice cold, filled with anger and frustration. He didn’t want to see her anymore, didn’t want to be reminded of the mistake he had just made. He just wanted her gone, and for things to go back to the way they were before she showed up.

Stacey

“Adam, you’re making a mistake. There’s a whole stack in here. I brought it just for you because you love this shit. So I can pay you for the hook-up!”

Adam took a deep breath, trying to keep his temper in check. It was true, he loved the high. He craved it, desperately wanted to go back to numb himself again. But he knew it wasn’t worth it. Not when he had hurt Alice, and not when he was trying to get better. He gritted his teeth and spoke through clenched jaws.

Adam

“No. Get. Out. Now.” he said with a defiant tone “I don’t care how much powder you brought, I don’t care how much you’re willing to pay. I don’t want it. I don’t want you.”

Stacey

“What about the other girl you’ve done in the past? Is it because it‘s me? You didn’t care who you stuck it up to. You used to be fun! What happened to you? you don’t show up to parties anymore, you don’t talk with our friends! What the fuck happened to our coke king?”

Adam felt a pang of guilt as the brunette girl threw his past on his face. It was true, there had been a time when he was fun when he was the life of the party. When he was the one who could always find the best coke, and everyone wanted to be around him. But that all changed when he started down the path of recovery.

Adam

“That guy is gone. I’m trying to be better now, to be healthier. I can’t go back to how I was before, I just… I can’t”

He ran a hand through his hair feeling frustrated and overwhelmed. He wanted to be the person he used to be, the person who always knew how to have a good time. But he also knew how he couldn’t go back to that life, that it was destructive, harmful, and ultimately unsatisfying.

“I’m sorry if you don’t like it. If I’m not the ‘coke king’ anymore. But I can’t keep living like that. It’s destroying me.”

Stacey walked up to him and started caressing him to persuade him him, talking to him with a sensual and whispery raspy voice.

“But I can make you feel good again, you know me…~”

Adam shuddered, feeling her touch on his skin. His body reacted instinctively, and for a moment he was tempted. The promise of pleasure and dopamine was a Siren’s call, and it was difficult to resist But then he thought of Alice, and his resolve strengthened. He took a step back, breaking contact with the girl and looking at her with a hard expression.

Adam

“No. I don’t want that anymore. I’m trying to change, and being with you isn’t going to help me do that”

Stacey

(She frowns)

“Who was that guy? Why did all of a sudden when he came in you changed your mind?? Who the fuck is that?!”

Adam sighed, feeling frustrated that she wasn’t understanding.

Adam

“His name is Al. He’s… he’s my friend. And more than that. He has been helping me try to get better, to stop using drugs, and to make healthier choices.”

He paused, swallowing hard. He wasn’t sure how much more he should reveal, but he knew that he had to be honest with her.

“And we… we’ve kind of got feelings for each other. I don’t know how serious it is yes, but… I don’t want to mess it up by getting high. Or… or hooking up with other people.”

That pang of guilt hit him again, thinking about how he had just messed up and let himself relapse. But he also felt a sense of determination, a resolve to do better in the future.

“That’s why I have to say no to you. I can’t go back to that life. I have to change, for Al, and for myself.”

Stacey looked at him for a long moment, and for a second he thought she might understand. But then she just rolled her eyes.

Stacey

“You’re boring now. You used to be so much fun. But now you’re just… lame. And whipped.”

Adam felt a flash of anger at her words. How dare she call him boring and lame just because he was trying to get his life together? He took a step towards her, his fists clenching once more.

Adam

“I’m not whipped. I’m trying to be better. And if you can’t understand that, then you can leave right now. I don’t need this kind of bullshit in my life anymore.”

He glared at her, his eyes hard and cold. He was tired of people telling him he was boring, tired of people trying to pull him back into his old habits. He wanted to be better, and he was going to make damn sure that he did it no matter what. He held up his hand, pointing towards the door.

“Get out. I don’t want you here, and you can take your powder with you. I don’t need it anymore.”

She stood there for a moment, her face red with anger. But then she huffed, grabbing her things and stalking towards the door.

Stacey

“Fine! You’re no fun anymore anyway! Have a damn good life with your boring-ass friend!”

Adam watched her storm out, feeling a mixture of relief and anger. He was glad that she was gone, but he was also furious that she had tried to tempt him back into his old habits, even after he had told her he was trying to change.

He took a deep breath and looked around the apartment, feeling empty and alone now that she was gone. It was quiet, too quiet.

There were still some lines on the small middle table, Jesus…

He looked down at the table of powder still scattered there. His mind swam with conflicting feelings - guilt, shame, anger, and a faint, nagging desire. The temptation to give in just one more time was strong, almost impossible to resist.

Adam reached out a shaking hand, running a finger over the powder. He could almost feel the high already, the way it would wash over him and make him forget everything. Forget the guilt, forget the shame, forget everything.

But then the thought of Alice came to his mind, and he snatched his hand back immediately.

“No. I can’t.”

He spoke aloud to himself as if trying to physically voice his resolve. He had made a promise to Alice, to stay clean and make healthier choices. He couldn’t give in to temptation, no matter how much he craved the high.

He turned away from the table, resisting the temptation to look at the powder any longer. He knew that if he stared at it for too long, he would be tempted to take just one more hit. Instead, he walked over to the couch and collapsed onto it, burying his face in his hands.

“I’m such an idiot. I can’t believe I let myself relapse. I've let Al down and for what? A meaningless hook-up with some girl I don’t even care about…”

that pang of guilt and shame still lingered in him, thinking about how he had betrayed Alice’s trust.  He knew that he had some serious making up to do if he wanted to salvage his ‘relationship’ with Alice.

Adam sat on the couch for a long moment, his mind a whirl of emotions. He knew that he had to call Alice, had to apologize, and try to explain what had happened. But he was afraid, afraid that Alice would be angry with him, or worse, that he would leave him.

Finally, he took a deep breath and pulled out his phone dialing Alice’s number with trembling hands.

As he waited for Alice to answer the phone, he felt his heart pounding in his chest. Adam was nervous, not knowing how Alice would react to what he had done. Would he be angry? Sad? Disappointed?

Finally, the ringing stopped and Alice’s voice came on the line.

“Hi, this is Alice. Leave a message after the tone. Mwah!” Alice’s voicemail. 

Adam closed his eyes and groaned in frustration. Of course, it was Alice’s voicemail. Why would he answer his phone?

He waited for the beep and then began speaking, his voice shaking a little with nerves.

“Hey, Al. It’s me, Adam. I… I need to talk to you about what happened. I… I messed up. Call me back, please. We need to talk.”

Adam hung up the phone, feeling a knot of anxiety in his stomach. He knew that he had to wait for Alice to call him back, but the waiting was torture. He kept checking his phone, willing it to ring, willing Alice to call him back and hear him out.

Minutes ticked by, and there was no call. Adam’s anxiety grew worse with every passing moment, and he started to worry that Alice wouldn’t call back at all. Maybe he was too mad, or maybe he was done with Adam entirely. He couldn’t bear the thought of losing Alice, not now, not after they had been through together these past months.

Adam tried to calm himself down, telling himself that Alice would call back eventually. But the wait was excruciating, and his mind kept coming up with worst-case scenarios. He couldn’t stop thinking about all the terrible things that could have happened, all the ways Alice could punish him for his mistake.

During the week, Adam was dealing with abstinence and detoxing. With only one hit, his whole body went back to craving more cocaine.

The craving for the drugs was intense, a constant itch under his skin he couldn’t scratch. Every time he closed his eyes, he could see the powder on the table, calling to him, tempting him to give in just one more time. He tried to distract himself with movies and TV shows, but nothing seemed to dull the ache.

Adam found himself pacing the apartment, unable to focus on anything. His mind was consumed with thoughts of the drugs, of how good it would feel to let go and just get high again. He tried to resist, to remind himself of his promise to Alice, but the temptation was almost too strong to bear.

The week passed slowly, a torturous blur of cravings and denial. Every day that went by was a struggle, a battle to stay clean and resist the urge to relapse again. He felt tired and irritable, his energy level depleted by the constant cravings and lack of sleep.

Chapter Text

One of those days at night.

Adam was having a withdrawal episode. His whole body and stomach hurt like the depths of hell as if he was being ripped apart, sweating like crazy, having a panic attack in his bathroom all at once.  

Adam was hunched over the toilet, his body wracked with pain and nausea. He felt like he was going to throw up, and his heart was racing like a jackhammer. His mind was swimming with anxiety, a thousand worst-case scenarios playing out in his head.

He tried to calm himself down, taking deep breaths and telling himself that it would pass. But the nausea and pain wouldn’t go away, he felt like he was drowning in a sea of panic and despair.

He started calling Alice’s number desperately. When he didn’t pick up he began to send him voicemails in the middle of his crisis.

“Al, please. Pick up. I don’t know what to do I’m in so much pain, It hurts, it hurts so much. I can’t take t much longer. Please, please pick up. I need you. I’m scared Please…”

He sent a voicemail after voicemail, his voice ragged and desperate. He felt like he was losing control like he was on the verge of completely breaking down. He just needed Alice, needed his voice, his comfort, anything to help him through this.

After a few 10 minutes that felt like an eternity. Alice showed up at his apartment, breaking in, and running upstairs to the bathroom. He probably rushed in an Uber like a madman. 

Alice

“Adam?? Adam?! Are you there???”

When Alice got upstairs and neared the bathroom, he saw Adam through the half-open door. He was on the floor, hunched over the toilet, his body trembling and shaking. He heard Alice’s voice, and a wave of relief washed over him. He was here, he had come to help him. He tried to speak, but all that came out was a strangled moan of pain.

Alice opened the bathroom door with a slam to come in quickly. Finding Adam moaning in pain due to his withdrawal. He knelt down worried next to him, rubbing Adam’s back to soothe him.

Alice

“It’s okay, Adam. I’m here, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”

Alice couldn’t help himself but feel bad, and guilty. His eyes began to tear up by themselves since he’d left his friend alone during the hard times. But it was far more complicated than that, and the reason behind it. 

But for now, he needs to put their problems aside, he needs to be there and help him.

Adam felt Alice’s hands on his back, rubbing soothing circles, and he almost started crying. He leaned into the touch, his body shaking with the force of his pain and desperation.

 For the first time, someone came to help him, someone finally cared…

Adam

“I can’t take it, Al. It hurts so bad, I can’t do this. Feel like I’m going crazy…”

Alice

(He helped Adam stand up carefully)

“No, no. You won’t do it again. I can’t let you.”

Adam stumbled to his feet, his body weak and shaking. He leaned heavily on Alice, his head spinning from the pain and the fear.

Adam

“Please, I need something. Anything. I feel like I’m going to lose my mind. It hurts so bad” he said in between pained grunts “Please, Al…”

Alice

(He shakes his head)

“No, you won’t get high in coke again. If you want to get better, you’ll do it. Do it for yourself, Adam… Please.”

(He helps Adam to his room)

“You don’t have anything in the apartment, right? The apartment is clean. Tell me!”

Adam

(He nodded weakly, collapsing onto the bed)

“The apartment’s clean… I don’t have any more coke. I swear…”

(He clutched at Alice’s arm, his voice trembling)

“Please, just make it stop. Make the pain stop. I can’t take it anymore.”

Alice sat down beside him on the bed. Clearly, Adam was going through withdrawal syndrome, having gut-wrecking pains, tremors, hallucinations, and being highly irritable. All over again…

Alice

“I-I don’t know what to do… I’m sorry, Adam…”

(He rubbed Adam’s stomach, trying to soothe his pain)

Adam groaned and writhed under Alice’s touch, his body was in mere agony.

Adam

“It hurts, it hurts so much… make it stop, please…”

He was almost delirious with pain, his mind swimming in a fog of agony and desperation. He didn’t know how much longer he could take it, how much more he could endure before he just snapped.

Adam clutched on Alice’s hands, his fingers, digging into his skin. He looked up at him with wild, desperate eyes, pleading for help, pleading for something, anything to take away the pain.

“Please, Al… I’m begging you. I’ll do anything. Just make it stop. Make it stop!”

Alice groaned in pain, clenching his teeth with force when Adam dug his fingers and nails on his hands and wrists.

Alice

“MNGHH! Okay, okay!”

(He stands up and tries to take Adam with him)

“Come on, stand up.”

It took all of Adam’s strength to stand up, supported by Alice. He was shaking violently, his legs almost giving out underneath him.

Adam

“Where… where are we going?”

Alice didn’t say anything. Taking Adam carefully downstairs, looking for his Jeep’s keys. As soon as he found them he took Adam with him out of his apartment and took him to the Jeep. He got in, started the engine, and began to drive, listening to Adam groan in pain next to him on the co-pilot seat. The Jeep passed by the Christmas lights on the apartments and houses nearby. The lights creeping in as the car kept moving.

Each bump in the road sent a wave of agony through Adam, and he could do nothing but sit and endure it, his body trembling with pain and desperation. He looked over at Alice, his eyes wild and pleading.

Adam

“Where are we going? Please… tell me what are you doing.”

Alice’s silence was more than cold and blood-freezing, the silence in the Jeep shirring and uncanny until they arrived to a house?...

It was somewhat of a big place. Alice hopped out of the Jeep and walked with quick feet to Adam’s side.

Alice

“Come here, come here. Hey, hey… you’ll be fine, okay?”

(He cups Adam’s cheeks and kisses him softly)

“Now, can you stand up?  Just to the door, Adam.”

Adam nodded, leaning heavily on Alice as he stumbled out of the Jeep. He was still shaking and unsteady, but he managed to keep on his feet as Alice led him towards the house. He looked around, confusion and pain all at once etched on his face.

Adam

“Where… where are we…?”

Alice felt guilty for not telling him. Suddenly, a few men came out of the house walking over to them. They seem strong and tall, imposing with their presence.

Alic

“I’m sorry Adam…”

Rehab, Alice took him… to rehab.

Adam’s eyes widened as he saw the men approaching, realization dawning on him. He turned to Alice, disbelief and anger written on his face,

Adam

“Rehab? You’re taking me to rehab?”

He tried to take a step back, but his legs were too weak, and he stumbled, nearly falling. The men came closer, and he began to panic. Adam looked up at Alice, his eyes pleading.

“You can’t do this… please. I don’t need rehab. I can stop on my own. Just give me a chance. Please…”

He was desperate now, his voice cracking as the men came closer, ready to escort him inside. He didn’t want this, didn’t want to be locked up and treated like some kind of junkie . He just wanted things to go back to normal, to have Alice by his side, supporting him and loving him.

Alice

(He began to cry)

“I’m sorry, Adam. This is for your own good. We tried, you and I. Doing this your own way, but I can’t help you enough. I need people who are professionals in this.”

Adam felt like he was being betrayed, like Alice had just stabbed him in the back. He tried to struggle against the men as they took hold of his arms. pulling him towards the house.

Adam

“No! Get off me! Let me go! You can’t do this to me! Al! Please Don’t do this!”

He twisted and fought, trying to break free of their grip, the adrenaline took away all his pain. But the men were too strong too well trained. They easily overpowered Adam and dragged him into the building, Adam’s curses and pleading ringing out behind him.

As he was dragged into the facility, Adam’s mind was a whirl with anger and hurt. He could hear Alice crying behind him, but he didn’t care. He felt betrayed, and abandoned by the person he loved the most. He tried to yell out to Alice, to curse him and tell him to go to hell, but the men just tightened their grip, making him let out a strangled groan, silencing him.

Once inside, he found himself in a stark, sterile environment, surrounded by other people going through the same struggle. The sound of his own ragged breathing and the rhythmic beeping of medical machinery filled his ears. He was stripped of his belongings and given a plain gray tracksuit for the meanwhile to wear and then led to a small, dingy room that would be his new home for the foreseeable future.

He sat on the edge of the bed, his mind racing. He couldn’t believe that Alice had done this to him. He had thought that he could trust him, that he would always stand by him. But now he was alone, locked away in this place, cut off from the outside world. He felt hurt, angry, and most of all, betrayed.

On the other hand, Alice was filling in the admission paperwork in the office with the manager and counselor. He was just as devastated, he was crying and sobbing as he filled out the forms, but he needed to be strong. Travis, the counselor was helping him to calm down. After all, that was his job, not only to help the people inside the facility but also their families… or well. In this case a ‘friend’.

Travis

“It’ll be fine, we’ll take care of him. He’s on good and professional hands now.”

Alice

“ Sob Sob… I know, I know…sniff. This is for his good, he might hate me right now. But I’m doing this because I care for him..”

Drake

“Yes, that’s what matters. I know it’s hard, but the people with this kind of struggles need professional help and interventions.” he clears his voice “You said, he doesn’t have family here?”

Alice

“Not that I know… his parents are in Utah.”

Drake

“Well, we can contact them if this is a major matter for them.”

Alice

(He shakes his head)

“No… they don’t have a good relationship, I’m afraid that they won’t care. Plus I don’t have their contacts, I’d prefer me taking care of the situation myself. If you don’t mind, we’re both now legally adults and I can pay the cost of the entry…”

Drake

“I see… well… Yes, you’re legally adult and I think this can proceed. So you’re okay with being his ‘guardian’ and the person responsible for him?”

Alice

(He nods, sniffling a little)

“Yes… I can pay for his treatment, I have a decent job… and right now I’m testing for my driver's license. I’m very responsible, I don’t drink, I don’t smoke… nothing. I have a clean record!”

Travis

“It’s fine Mr. V. We just want to make sure. And you already signed everything. So we’re all set.”

Alice

“Thank you… very much.”

He said to the counselor and the manager with a raspy voice from crying. Returning to Adam, as soon as the adrenaline wore off, the pain kicked in once again. After all, he was still in withdrawal syndrome. The pain didn’t leave, nor the irritation, nor the tremors. Adam writhed on the bed, covered in his sweat, his body feeling as though it was being ripped apart from the inside. The pain was almost unbearable, like a never-ending stream of agony that coursed through his veins He clenched his fists and gritted his teeth, trying to hold back the cries of pain and frustration that threatened to explode from his lips.

He looked around the room, desperately trying to find something to take away the pain, something to make it stop. But there was nothing, just bare white walls and a hard bed. He wanted to scream, to punch something, to lash out at anyone or anything that came in within reach. But he was helpless trapped in a cage built by Alice and the staff of this place.

He curled up into a ball, trying to make himself as small as possible, as if that could somehow make the pain go away. He was alone, trapped in his own mind, his own torment. And all he could think about was Alice, the person he had trusted more than anything, the person who had betrayed him and condemned him to this hell.

A few weeks after his admission passed. Adam already went through the first week of physical pain. It slowly began to stop and be less aggressive, but he was still in a state of withdrawal. Now everything was more irritating, intense, and a harsh need for a simple line, hunger in large quantities, cravings.

The physical pain had subsided, but the cravings and irritability were now worse than before. Every little thing seemed to annoy him, every loud noise, every bright light, or just whatever action his mates and staff did in general. He was hungry all the time but found it hard to eat, his stomach churning uncomfortably. He found himself constantly thinking about his old stash, about the feeling of taking that first hit, the rush of pleasure and numbness.

He tried to distract himself from the craving and tried to focus on the therapy sessions and the group meetings. But all he could think was the drugs, how much he wanted them, how badly he needed them. He felt like a caged animal, pacing back and forth, restless and agitated, looking for a way out but finding none.

The days blended into each other, and Adam found himself going through the motions of rehab. He participated in the group therapy sessions, and he attended the classes on addiction and recovery, but his mind was elsewhere, constantly preoccupied with thoughts of using. He couldn’t sleep well, couldn’t eat, barely function without the constant mental torment.

Adam would find himself sitting on the edge of bed and staring into space, lost in thoughts of getting high, of losing himself in the blissful numbness that drugs provided. He could sometimes catch himself subconsciously clenching and unclenching his fists, his body subconsciously yearning for the rush of a hit.

Chapter Text

Thirty days had passed, thirty days clean. 

Finally, after thirty days Adam could have a visit, maybe it was too much. But each facility works differently and it has its rules. Alice finally dared to show up, that’s what Adam felt through his perspective of the situation, without knowing what was going on behind the reason for Alice's absence. 

He stood on the wide open door of the room Adam was staying in until he caught his attention.

“Adam?...”

Alice called for his name with a bag in his hand, it smelled like: food?...

Adam looked up as he heard Alice’s voice. His heart skipped a beat at the sigh of him. He had been both anticipating and dreading this moment for weeks. Part of him wanted to see Alice, to finally have a chance to talk to him and confront him about his betrayal. But another part of him was still angry, still hurt by what Alice had done to him. He took a deep breath, steeling himself before replying.

Adam

“Come in.”

He called out, staring at the floor pretending to be indifferent, trying his best to sound calm and collected, though the lingering effects of withdrawal still made him feel tense and on the edge.

Alice walked through the open door frame and up to Adam’s current bed.

Alice

“Hey…” he said with a slightly raspy voice “I brought you homemade food, your favorite dish…”

(He sits down on the edge of the bed beside Adam)

“Shrimp in chipotle cream?... Rice and salad.”

Alice gave him a soft, weak smile, testing the waters.

The smell of the food assaulted Adam’s nostrils, making his stomach growl in response. It had been a while since he had tasted anything appetizing. The sight of Alice sitting on the edge of his bed, looking sheepish and nervous, made him feel a mix of emotions. He was still angry and hurt, but there was also a part of him that missed Alice, that yearned for his comfort and presence.

As he took the food from Alice, his hands trembled slightly. His mouth watered, he immediately opened the bag, taking out the Tupperware along with the cap, grabbing a spoonful, and guiding it to his mouth to take a bite, savoring the flavors. It was delicious, just like he remembers, but the pleasure of eating was tainted by the weight of the situation, by the things they needed to talk about. He swallowed, looking up at Alice.

Adam

“Thank you,” he said quietly, his voice tinged with a hint of bitterness. “But we need to talk.”

(He pushed back the food, setting it aside)

Alice

(He nods)

“Yeah, yeah. I know… I’m sorry. I really wanted to see you way before this, but they didn’t let me. I swear I’ve tried everything, but they said it was part of the process and that’ll affect you…”

Adam’s jaw clenched. He didn’t want to hear Alice’s excuses, didn’t want to believe that he hadn’t really tried. But deep down, he knew that Alice had at least tried.

Adam

“It’s been a month,” he said, his voice low and tense “A whole month, Al. Do you have any idea how hard it’s been? How much I’ve needed you?”

(He paused, trying to keep his emotions under control)

“You left me here,”  he continued, his voice growing louder and more intense. “Left me to rot in this place, alone and isolated. I need you, and you weren’t there for me. Do you have any idea how much pain I’ve endured because of that?”

Alice

(He furrows sadly)

“I did try, believe me, I did, Adam. I even tried to bribe them, but they didn’t give in. I’m sorry, I really am! But you don’t have to blame it on me. I’m doing this because I care for you.”

Adam couldn’t help but scoff, rolling his eyes.

Adam

“You care for me?” he repeated, his voice dripping with sarcasm. “Yeah, right. You care for me so much that you just dumped me in here and left me to rot.”

(He stood up, unable to keep still any longer. He began to pace around the room, restless and agitated)

“If you really cared,” he said, turning to look at Alice. “you would have been there for me, you would have been by my side. Not stuck me in here and forgotten about me until you felt guilty enough to come and visit!”

Alice stood up as well, his face scrunched with a frown. Tears began to run down his cheeks, not only from sadness but from worry and anger, from being accused of such things when in reality he was doing the best he could. He can’t believe his efforts are seeing.

Alice

“I care enough for you that I brought you here so you don’t overdose !!! I don’t want you in a coffin, Adam! I don’t!”

Adam paused, taken aback by the raw emotion in Alice’s voice. He stopped pacing and looked at him, seeing the tears streaming down his face. He could tell that he was being sincere, that he really did care. But his own anger and frustration made it hard for him to admit that.

Adam

“So, you care enough to send me away to this hellhole,” his voice low “but not enough to actually help me yourself? That makes sense.” 

Alice

(He huffed in disbelief and frowned harder as he cried)

“No, no, no! Don’t go there because I did! I did help you myself, we tried together and you relapsed! Not only you relapsed but you were with a girl on top of you! You have no idea what I’ve been going through as well!”

Adam was taken aback by Alice’s words, by the pain and anger in his voice. He hadn’t considered how hard it must have been for him to watch him struggle, to see him relapse and fail him this time.

Adam

“You think it was easy for me?” he shot back, his own voice catching in his throat “You think I wanted that? To be caught up in a moment and relapse again? You have no idea the hell I’ve been going through either.”

He clenched his fists, his voice trembling. Adam began pacing again, his mind racing with memories of his drug-fueled nights and early mornings, the guilt and shame of his actions.

“You think I like being a junkie?” his voice began raising “You think I enjoy being a slave to this stuff, to my own damn weakness? Well, guess what, I don’t. I hate it. I hate myself for it. But it’s not that simple, it’s not that easy to just stop!”

(He walked up to Alice, getting in his face)

“You think you can just send me away and it will all fix itself? That I’ll be magically healed and everything will be fine again? You’re wrong. You’re so damn wrong. This place, this ‘rehab’.” he said while making quotation marks in the air with his fingers “It’s just not going to fix anything. It’s just a temporary fix, an escape from the real problem. And that problem is me.”

Adam knew he was just saying this because of his anger, but he couldn’t help but lay out his vulnerability and true feelings along with his deficiencies, not only physical but also emotional and mental. Alice was stunned, the tears were all over his face, and his cheeks were wet. He shook his head in disbelief.

Alice

“What happened to the Adam who told me he wanted to get better, the one who wanted to make healthy decisions? The one who promised me, and looked for a future with me when he gets better…?”

(He cleans the tears from his face with his hands)

“You are not a problem. I seriously meant it before you relapsed, I was proud of you.”

Adam’s face softened, that usual pang of guilt came back to him at the sight of Alice’s tears. He had promised him those things when he was sober when he was feeling hopeful and motivated. But the pull of the drugs had been too strong and he had fallen back into old habits. He took a step back, running a hand through his hair.

Adam

“I did want to get better,” he muttered, his voice quiet “I still do, that hasn’t changed. But it’s not that simple, Al. It’s hard. It’s so damn hard.”

(He leaned against the wall, staring at the ground)

“I can’t just snap my fingers and make it go away. I need help, Al. I need you. But I don’t know how to make you understand what it’s like to be in my head. To feel the constant pull, the emptiness, and the pain.”

(He looks up at Alice, his eyes pleading)

“Please, Al. Help me. Don’t give up on me.”

Alice

(He stood up from the bed and walked over to him)

“Adam, I’m helping you. I really am, I didn’t bring you here because I hate you, or because I don’t want to help. It’s far the opposite…”

(He grabbed Adam by the face, cupping his cheeks)

“I love you, Adam… I do, and a lot.” with a soft frown he leaned in to give him a soft kiss on the lips “I love you… And I want you to get better. And if that implies doing this for your own good, then that’s how it's gonna be.”

Adam’s heart ached as Alice cupped his face and kissed him, his lips soft and gentle. Tears welled up in his eyes as the weight of his words sunk in. He had never doubted their love for him, but hearing it now, in this moment of vulnerability, broke something inside him. He leaned into the kiss, desperate for comfort and reassurance. Adam wrapped his arms around Alice, holding onto him tightly, like a lifeline in a storm.

Adam

“I love you too,” 

He whispered, his voice hoarse with emotion. Adam buried his face in their shoulder, letting the tears fall freely now. All the anger and frustration that had been building inside him for a month came flooding out, and he clung to him like a drowning man.

“I don’t want to be like this,” he murmured, his voice shaking “I don’t want to be a slave to this poison anymore. But it’s so hard, Al. It's so damn hard.”

He clutched at Alice’s shirt, his fingers digging into the fabric as if he could anchor himself in this moment, in this embrace.

“Please, don’t leave me. Don’t give up on me. I need you more than ever. I need your help, your support. I need you…”

Alice hugged him back, caressing his hair slowly and softly. Something no one has ever done for him in a situation like this, nor even his mother or his father… cared for him in such a way. This was something he had been aching for years.

Alice

“I won’t, Adam… I won’t…”

Adam clung to him, his body trembling slightly as the weight of everything washed over him. He felt broken, vulnerable, and exposed. But in Alice’s embrace, he also felt safe, and protected. He took a deep, shaky breath, still clinging to him as if his life depended on it.  

Adam

“Promise me,” he murmured, his voice barely above a whisper “Promise me you won’t give up on me .”

Alice

(He nods)

“I promise, Adam… I promise I won’t do that.”

Alice kept caressing his hair, like a child crying in his mother’s arms. The soothing motion of Alice’s hand in his hair sent a wave of calm through him. He closed his eyes, focusing on the steady rhythm and the sound of Alice’s heartbeat, grounding himself in the moment. He took another deep breath, his body slowly relaxing.

Adam

“I don’t deserve you,” 

he mumbled, still holding onto Alice tightly, he chuckled bitterly, shaking his head. 

“You’re too good for me. Too good to put up with my mess, my bullshit. You should have left me a long time ago. But you didn’t. You stayed. And I don’t know why, but I’m so damn grateful for it.”

Alice

(He kisses his forehead)

“I can’t leave my planned agreed future boyfriend alone… Can I?”

Alice tried to lighten up the mood with a joke. A small smile tugged at the corner of Adam’s lips, and he huffed out a soft laugh. 

Adam

“Your ‘planned agreed future boyfriend’, huh?” 

Adam pulled back a bit, looking up at Alice. He reached up to cup Alice’s face, his thumb tracing the outline of his lips.

“You really think I’m worth all this trouble?”

His voice was quiet and held a note of vulnerability and uncertainty. He wanted to believe that he was worthy of Alice’s love and devotion, but a part of him still doubted. He was a mess, a junkie, a broken person. How could someone like him deserve a future with someone like Alice?

Adam felt tears pricking at the corners of his eyes again, and he swallowed hard, trying to keep them at bay.

“Seriously… why do you put up with me?  Why do you stay, even when I’m at my lowest when I’m a mess? When I’m the last person anyone should want to be with?”

Alice

(He furrows)

“Adam… when you love someone, you are with them in their ups and downs, isn’t that what love is about? I won’t just be there when you’re fine, I’ll be there when you are tearing down a part too…”

Adam let Alice’s words sink in, and he let out a shaky breath. No one had ever loved him unconditionally like that before. Alice’s love for him was so strong and deep, far from physical, something he wasn’t used to, it almost overwhelmed him. It was a love he had never experienced, a love that he wasn’t sure he deserved.

Adam

(He caresses Alice’s cheek, his eyes searching for their face)

“I don’t deserve you, you know that?”

Alice

(He shook his head)

“No, don’t say that. You deserve someone who loves you no matter what.”

(He caresses Adam’s face back)

Adam closed his eyes, leaning into Alice’s touch, soaking in the warmth and comfort it provided. A part of him still didn’t believe he was worthy of such love, but another part of him desperately wanted to.

He let out a shaky sigh, letting his fingers trail down Alice’s neck tracing light patterns on his skin.

Adam

“I want to be worthy of you,” he whispered, his voice thick with emotion. He searched Alice’s eyes, his own filled with a mix of longing and vulnerability. “But I don’t know if I can ever be. I’m so broken, Al. So messed up. I’m a drug addict, a screw-up. I can’t give you anything but pain and heartache .” he took a deep breath trying to keep his emotions in check. “You deserve someone who’s stable, who can give you everything you want. Not someone who’s a walking disaster… someone like me.”

Alice

(He shook his head in disagreement)

“No… Adam. Listen to me, you are here to get better. Keep trying. You’ve been here a month, a month clean. That’s a lot, more than those three weeks with me… you’re making progress even if that wasn’t your intention.”

Tears stung his eyes as Alice’s words sank in. A month. He had been here for a month, a month clean without drugs, without falling back into his old habits. That was a success, wasn’t it?” 

Adam

(He took another deep breath, his chest felt tight with emotion)

“You really think I can do this? You really think I can get better?”

Alice

(He nods)

“Of course you can, I believe in you, Adam. I do, and I love you a lot.”

Tears began to stream down his face, and he bit back a sob. It was like a dam had broken inside of him, and all the emotion he had been holding back for the past month came flooding out. He buried his face in Alice’s shoulder, his body shaking with the force of his emotions. He clung to Alice, his voice choked.

Adam

“Thank you. Thank you for believing in me. For loving me. I don’t know what I did to deserve you.”