Chapter Text
For the next few months my arrest was blasted all over social media. People made my mug shot into memes and I was the running joke for a while. Even after my sentencing in September, I was still in the headlines. It was taking a toll on me mentally and I wasn’t sleeping or eating well. I even had to cancel a few shows but promised to reschedule, and I truly planned on it, but then Sean Combs was arrested in late September and my whole world started collapsing around me.
I knew my worries were the same ones any celebrity who’d been to a freak off had at that moment. We all knew there were videos and we also knew they’d been seized by the FBI back in March. All of our careers were on the line. While I was worried about other celebrity friends of mine, I was terrified for myself.
It wasn’t even that I’d participated in anything illegal, at least not that I saw as illegal at the time. If I was truly honest with myself, what happened to Jasmine back then was a gray area of legal or illegal at the time, today it would be considered illegal without a second thought. But I couldn’t let myself think about that. I had to think of my career and how something like this could end it all.
Jasmine wasn’t wrong at her wedding when she’d said I’d always put my career above everything else. Every decision I’d made since I was 16 years old was to further my career, mostly at the behest of others, and now some of those decisions were coming back to bite me in the ass. At the end of the day, it wasn’t my arrest that ruined my tour, it was my own paranoia, shame, and guilt.
Not too long after Sean’s arrest in September, I had heard some whispers through the industry about Justin Bieber laying low due to death threats coming from Sean’s camp. I’m not normally the type to put stock in rumors, but something about this one rang true to me, especially after Leonardo DiCaprio fled to a country with no extradition laws. I started getting worried when there came reports of a few other people in the entertainment business moving to other countries. It seemed like, with the state of the political wars in the US, Sean’s arrest came at a perfect time for those of us who had the means and the reasons to leave the country. The election was the perfect excuse.
Logically, I hadn’t done anything or really witnessed anything that I would consider illegal activity, unless you counted the drugs at the parties. Mentally, as the tour went on, I was spiraling and getting more paranoid as the tour went on. I wasn’t sleeping, I wasn’t eating right, I wasn’t taking care of myself well at all. The night with Jasmine at Sean’s party was on a constant loop in my head. The guilt of knowing she had been assaulted that night, mixed with the regret of not doing anything about it, plagued me. I’d never told anyone what had happened that night, but during this point in my life, it was all I thought about.
The notes started showing up in early December. Post-its or note cards sent to my hotel room or left in my dressing room before shows. Each one with a message hastily scribbled in black marker, reminding me to keep my mouth shut. This sent my paranoia over the edge. I canceled more shows and swore I was sick. It wasn’t until my last show of the tour, in Columbus, OH, that I hit my complete rock bottom.
A few hours before the show was to start, Johnny Wright and my entire team filed into my dressing room. They presented me with evidence that proved the notes were coming from me. I was the one writing them and then leaving them for myself to find. I was in shock, but seeing video evidence of yourself doing something you don’t remember doing, makes it a little easier to be convinced to cancel the show and get some help.
I was quietly checked into a high-end recovery center in LA for a couple weeks while I was medicated and worked through a lot of what I was dealing with mentally. When I was released, there were two things I knew I needed to do before I left LA. The first one was to call Jessica and let her know I wanted a divorce. I didn’t want to keep living that lie. She was pissed, but honestly, I could hear a little relief in her voice. She was done with this facade too.
The second thing was to let someone know what I let happen to Jasmine back at Sean’s party. I didn’t want that to hang over my head anymore either, and I knew it wasn’t fair that Jasmine didn’t know. The problem, other than the nauseous feeling in my stomach every time I thought about having to admit how fucked up I actually am, was I still couldn’t be the one to look Jasmine in the face as she learned about everything. So I did the next best thing and picked up the phone to call JC.
“Hey man! How are you doing?” JC answered.
“Hey.” I said, quietly. As soon as he answered I wanted to change my mind, but I made myself continue, “I really need to talk to you. It’s important and it’s about Jasmine. Can you meet me?” I forced the words out of my mouth before I could shut down completely.
JC was quiet for a second, “Um, yeah..yeah we can meet you. Where?” he finally responded.
“NO! Just you JC. Please, I can’t tell you over the phone but please don’t bring Jasmine.” I panicked and I knew JC could hear the fear in my voice.
“Um…Justin, if this is about Jasmine, shouldn’t she be there?” JC sounded confused, and a little over me at the moment. I knew in the very near future, he’d wish this was as over me as he could get. I was about to make him hate me, and as much as I didn’t want to, I knew I had to give Jasmine the truth. Even if I was too much of a coward to tell her myself.
“JC, I need to tell you alone. After you hear what I have to say, you can decide if she needs to know or not. Please, just trust me, one last time.” I pleaded.
“One last time? Justin, you’re kind of freaking me out man.”
“JC, please.”
“Ok. I hear you Justin. Where do you want me to meet you?”
I asked him to meet me at my LA condo, which was only about 25 minutes from his and Chris’ neighborhood. I was already there so now all I had to do was wait. Which consisted of me pacing the floor and running to the bathroom to violently vomit. When I saw JC’s car pull into the driveway about 40 minutes later, I wanted to pass out. I pulled it together enough to let him in when he made it to the front door and then led him to the kitchen table.
It wasn’t until JC was sitting across from me, with that look of concern on his face, that it hit me how much this truth was going to change everything. I was never going to see Jasmine again, I knew that in the back of my mind, but I was also going to lose the four best friends I had ever had. Once I told JC what happened, I was going to lose all of them. Tears streamed down my face while I stared at JC.
“Justin, what’s going on? Talk to me.” JC pushed, looking bewildered at the tears falling from my eyes.
I couldn’t bring myself to speak for a second. I had to remind myself that this wasn’t for me. Not completely. I mean, I did want to clear my own conscience, but ultimately, this truth was for Jasmine. I loved her enough at this point in my life that I was willing to lose her so that she wasn’t in the dark anymore.
I looked up at JC and sighed, “You are going to hate me so much.” I started. JC shook his head and opened his mouth to contradict me but I held my hand up to stop him. “You have to let me say all of this JC. If I don’t get it all out I’ll never do it. Just listen for a minute.”
JC looked surprised but nodded and leaned forward with his arms folded on the table in front of him.
“Has Jasmine said anything about the party we went to at Sean’s house back in like 2011?” I asked.
JC’s eyes widened and then fear danced across them for a second before he slowly nodded, “Yeah. She said she went to a party with you back then but she doesn’t remember anything. It’s been bothering her a lot lately actually. I mean, with all these charges against Sean and the media frenzy, she wants to remember what happened that night. Do you know something she needs to know?” JC asked, straight to the point.
The tears ran down my cheeks faster now and I just nodded miserably before laying my head in my hands for a second. I looked up again and into JC’s eyes that were now filled with the fear I’d briefly seen a few minutes before. “Something happened to her that night JC.”
JC didn’t speak, but the fear in his eyes turned to pain and my stomach turned. He just nodded, like he didn’t have words and gestured with his hand for me to continue.
“I knew it was a freak off party when I brought her, I did, but I had only been to one before that and it wasn’t as wild as the media is making it out to be. I mean, yes it was a sex party, but we were all consenting adults from what I knew. So I didn’t have any reason to think she could be hurt that night.”
“But she was?” JC interjected, it was a question but it also sounded like an accusation.
I sighed and nodded, before continuing. “At first it was just a regular party, I think it was his white party that year for New Year’s or something. We were all sitting around, talking and drinking. Sean and a few other guests were off in a corner snorting coke and at one point I got up to join them, leaving Jas sitting on a couch talking to Sean’s son, Quincy.
Sean asked me who Jasmine was while I was over there with him and I told him she was my girlfriend. He asked if she was special and I told him more than anything. He dapped me up and joked around a little with me as he gestured to a bottle girl to run everyone in the room another round. Nothing about the conversation seemed off and when I went back to sit with Jasmine, she had a new drink in her hand but nothing was out of the ordinary.
It was maybe 15 minutes later when Jas started slurring her speech and could barely keep her eyes open. I started freaking out a little and started asking people around me if anyone had given her something. I guess I was making a scene because Sean and a few of his bodyguards came up asking what the problem was. I told him I thought someone had given Jasmine something and I wanted to know what was wrong with her. Sean looked at her and laughed. He said she had probably accidentally been given one of the drinks that had GHB in it. I asked him why in the hell some of the drinks had the date rape drug in them and he said that it was only for the consenting people who wanted to take it and that Jasmine had to have gotten ahold of one by accident. He had one of his bodyguards pick Jasmine up from the position she’d passed out on the couch and had me follow them to a bedroom in the back of the house.
They laid Jasmine on the bed and assured me she’d be fine there while she slept it off and probably wouldn’t remember anything when she woke up. Sean even made a big deal of locking the door so I knew she’d be safe inside while the party continued. I was an idiot and I believed him and went back to the party.”
I stopped to take a deep breath and gauge the look on JC’s face. He looked a little confused.
“So something happened to her after Sean promised you she was safe…that isn’t completely your fault Justin. I don’t understand where I’m supposed to hate you in this story. Am I mad? Of course! I’m pissed that Sean would let something happen to an innocent girl he didn’t even know, but how is that on you?” JC asked, trying to confirm what I was telling him.
“That isn’t the bad part.” I answered, “It’s what I did when I found out that something had happened to her…and I guess what I didn’t do.”
JC’s eyes narrowed and he sat up straight, nodding for me to go on. He kind of looked like he was bracing himself, which was smart, given the situation. I felt another pang of guilt in my stomach and had to swallow hard to keep from dry heaving. I ran my hand down my face in regret and blew out a loud breath.
“A few hours after I left Jasmine in that bedroom, I was coming back to check on her and I saw someone coming out of the room. I recognized him immediately but before I could react, Sean walked up and dapped him up. I was frozen as I heard Sean ask him if he’d had a good time…”
“WHO? Who came out of her room Justin?” JC barked at me. The tone of his voice made me jump. He was already so mad, I knew if this was anyone else but JC, he’d have killed me when I answered him.
“It was Nick…” I spoke quietly. I waited to give him a second to comprehend what I was telling him. His face twisted in painful realization.
“Not Carter…No..FUCK. Justin! What the fuck?” JC stumbled over his rage and it was the first time I’d ever seen this side of him. His protective nature towards Jasmine was deep-seated in love. For a second I could see why Jasmine always chose JC. He didn’t hide his feelings for Jasmine, ever. At least not since she had been an adult.
The tears kept coming as I continued, mainly because of the guilt but also because I was seeing everything play out in my head as I explained it to JC.
When I came around the corner and saw Nick leaving the room I’d left Jasmine in, it took a minute for my brain to compute. I was drunk and pretty high at that point so I wasn't sure I was seeing who I thought I was seeing. It wasn’t until Sean came up and dapped Nick up that it finally got through to me what was happening.
I rushed Nick before I could think and had him pinned up against the wall in the hall. Nick was laughing and that was just making me more angry and I wanted to kill him right then and there. Before I could do anything else, Sean had pulled me off of Nick.
“What the fuck Sean? You told me she’d be fine in there! Why was Nick in there with her?” I yelled.
“Hey man, chill out. She’s still fine I’m sure. Maybe even a little better than fine now.” Sean chuckled while Nick laughed and shook his head.
I was so pissed I was shaking, “That’s my fucking girlfriend Sean! Why would you let something like that happen to her?”
Before Sean could respond, Nick turned to him, “I’ve been waiting years for that man. I appreciate you Sean. I’m out of here.” He slapped hands with Sean before turning to me, “Tell Chris I said hey.” He laughed again and turned to walk down the hall.
I started to go after him but Sean grabbed my arm, stopping me again, “Justin, that’s enough. You knew what kind of party this was. Truthfully, I was going to leave the girl alone. But money talks bruh. You know this. Nick gave me enough reasons to let him in the room.” Sean shrugged but then tightened his grip on my arm before continuing, “Remember, you signed that NDA, I’ll take away your entire career if you break it. NSYNC won’t even be safe from the shit I will rain down on you. Got it?”
Sean released me and brushed off the shoulder of my shirt before smiling at me, “She’s not going to remember anything in the morning, Timberlake. Now, go enjoy some more of the party so you can forget too. We good?”
I shook my head, bringing back to the present and JC sitting across from me staring at me like he wanted to hurt me. I could see his body visibly shaking.
“I wanted to kill him, JC. I did. But what Sean says goes. That’s just the type of person he is. I did what I was told. I went back to the party and got mind numbingly high and then I went back to the room Jas was in and fell asleep.
When she woke up the next morning she didn’t remember anything. But I still did, so I lied to her JC. I told her she’d drank too much the night before and passed out early. She never questioned me and I never offered her anything other than that simple explanation. I’ve kept that from her for all these years and I needed someone to tell who knew what was best for her…better than I do. You’ll know if she needs to know or she doesn’t.” When I finished, I looked up at him and I knew the anger in his eyes was wishing I didn’t exist right then. I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes again. I knew this was the last way JC would ever look at me.
“JC…I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. My mind is fucked up and I’ve always put my career above any and everything. I’ve done so much shit to so many people and it’s killing me.” I started to plead my case but JC stood up abruptly pushing the chair into the wall. He placed his hands flat on the table in between us and leaned down to look me in the face one last time. I was surprised by his even tone as he spoke.
“You need more help than I can give you. You’re a sociopath man. Seriously, something is deeply wrong with you. I’m done Justin.” He shook his head and straightened himself back to a standing position. Glaring at me, he turned to head toward the front door.
I jumped up to follow him, I wanted him to understand why I was telling him all of this. I wanted him to see that I was trying to be selfless for once in my life. I caught up to him in the entryway.
“JC, wait!” I reached for his shoulder to get him to turn around. “Please, you are my brother, I need you to understand…”
I didn’t get to finish the sentence before JC spun around and his fist connected directly with the right side of my face. I fell back into the wall behind me and braced myself for more.
Instead, he just stood there glaring at me for a minute
He raised his voice in anger as he spoke, “You sick fuck! Stay the fuck away from my family. My wife, my kids, and me. You are not my family Justin. I’m so done. If Chris won’t do a reunion tour without you, then we won’t be having a reunion tour. Because I’m not doing a tour with you.”
With that, he turned and swung open the door and slammed it shut behind him.. The windows in the condo vibrated from the door. I knew JC meant it when he said to stay away from his family. I knew he was probably already on the phone with Chris. Joey was in town so I knew they were probably all together. This was it for me.
After a few hours of feeling sorry for myself by chugging whiskey straight from the bottle, I realized what I needed to do. The solution was a win-win for everyone involved. I just had to make a few phone calls to get some of my affairs in order. It’s my time to disappear.