Chapter Text
Allen truly hated it in the Black Order. He thought he’d hated it during his time spent in the Asia Branch, but right now, he would have given anything to return to that. Bak and For had trusted him to roam without an escort, and had never resorted to tying him up. And Allen knew that Komui wasn’t really to blame for his situation, nor were any of the other exorcists, but Link was a wall of impassivity to his hatred and anger, and Lvellie was never around, and Allen needed someone to take all his anger and frustrations out on. While he was still healing, Allen was being kept in the hospital wing, with another bed moved into his room for Link, though he’d been assured he’d get his own room once he was healed enough. Except Allen knew it wouldn’t be his own room. That Link would be sharing it with him. Because he could never have a moment alone ever again.
That simmering irritation was bubbling just underneath the surface for Allen as he stalked down the corridor, Link forever at his side. The pair had barely spoken, Link seemingly waiting for Allen to initiate conversation and Allen refusing to acknowledge Link’s presence beyond hateful glares and cruel petty jabs. And the silence between them only served to make matters worse, adding to Allen’s anger and frustrations. And as he rounded a corner, and crashed right into Kanda, it all came bubbling over.
“Watch where you’re going, beansprout!” Kanda growled, roughly pushing Allen back as the pair both attempted to regain their balance. Timcanpy fluttered up anxiously into the air, seemingly aware of the the situation that was rapidly unfolding below him.
“You crashed into me, Yu!” Allen spat back, remembering just how much Kanda had hated Lavi calling him Yu and wanting to provoke him. Wanting a fight.
“Don’t you dare use that name!” Kanda took a step closer to Allen, radiating hostility and anger.
“Don’t call me beansprout, and I won’t call you Yu, Yu!” Allen also stepped closer to Kanda, matching his hostility and anger, and almost physically daring him to make him stop.
Allen wasn’t entirely sure who struck first, but the next he knew, he and Kanda were locked together as they fought, both fighting dirty, aiming for still healing injuries, grabbing fistfuls of hair and in Allen’s case only, biting down hard on Kanda’s arm. Kanda managed to punch him in the face with a pained shout, his nose crunching painfully as he was forced to stop biting. And although blood was now gushing down his face, he didn’t stop, yanking hard on Kanda’s hair, pulling a small section out. Though as Kanda elbowed his ribs Allen had to pull back slightly, gasping in pain, tears pricking in his eyes. And that was the opening needed for a pair of strong hands to roughly pull him back from Kanda, Allen briefly aware of someone else pulling Kanda in the opposite direction.
“That’s enough!”
The sharp, stern voice of Komui echoed through the hallway, the man physically stepping between Kanda and Allen, even as the hands that had pulled him back remained firmly holding him in place. Komui was taking it in turns to glare at both Kanda and Allen, though Allen was ignoring him in favour of turning a glare of his own over at Kanda, a glare he was all too happy to return. He was pleased to see blood trickling down Kanda’s arm from where he’d bitten him, and a few scratches across his face, also slowly seeping blood.
“I’m severely disappointed in both of you! You should both know better than to fight together like that!” Komui continued glaring between the pair, as they both began talking over one another, both trying to assign blame to the other.
“Shithead refuses to stop calling me beansprout!”
“Idiot boy can’t look where he’s going!”
At being called ‘boy’ Allen snarled and tried to leap towards Kanda again, though the hands tightened around him and held him back, just. Kanda also tried to pull away from the man holding him back towards Allen again, though was also unsuccessful.
“That is enough!” Komui shouted again, his glare becoming harsher. “I don’t care who started it, and you’re both to blame! Both of you, go off and cool down! We can’t afford to fight like this!”
With a scowl and a tsk Kanda wrenched himself from the grip of the man holding him back before turning and stalking down the corridor.
“That’s it, Yu! Run away!” Allen shouted after Kanda’s retreating form, though to his great annoyance, beyond an irritated twitch Kanda didn’t react, didn’t even turn around.
“Allen! I know you don’t want to be here, but we are all on the same side, so try to act like it!” Komui turned his full attention to Allen as Kanda disappeared around a corner, a harsh glare still in place.
“I’ll believe that, and behave like that when you all stop treating me like a fuckin’ prisoner!” Allen spat, pulling himself free of whoever still had a hold of him, before whirling around and walking away himself, Tim fluttering quickly after him.
He heard Komui sigh as he rounded a corner, roughly wiping at the blood under his nose and wincing at the flash of pain that seared through his most likely broken nose. The fight hadn’t helped, he was still angry, still upset, and now he was in more pain than he had been before. But he had almost forgotten about his ever present shadow, until he suddenly spoke up.
“What on earth was that all about, Allen?” Link sounded almost horrified and Allen came to a stop, whirling around to glare towards the source of his hatred. The expression on Link’s face was equal parts concerned and horrified, and was the most expression Allen had ever seen on his face before.
“What? You ashamed of me or somethin’?” Allen scoffed, briefly slipping into a slightly thicker accent in his upset.
“No, I’m confused!” Allen’s own confusion allowed Link to continue uninterrupted for a few moments. “You’ve been barely civil to anyone while you’ve been here, and I can just about understand that behaviour, but that was completely out of the ordinary, even for you! You bumped into each other in a corridor and started fighting about it! You bit him, and he broke your nose! What on earth sparked that?!”
“I hate Kanda.” Allen growled out, turning and about to walk off, assuming that was the end of the conversation.
“You hate me too, and you’ve never fought against me like that before!” Allen froze at Link’s comment, having never expected that. “You were deliberately provoking him, you wanted to fight him! That isn’t just hate, where did that come from?”
There was silence in the corridor, for a few long seconds, time seeming to stretch out endlessly, the silence growing ever more oppressive as Link simply waited for any kind of response.
“I’m angry, alright?!” Allen finally shouted, once more turning to face Link. “I’m angry, and scared, and stressed, because I’m trapped somewhere I never wanted to be, I was blackmailed into cooperation and I’m not even allowed any time to myself because you’re always following me around every single fuckin’ second!”
Allen drew in a shuddering breath as he finished speaking, a sharp pain shooting through his chest as he became aware of the tears on his face. Angrily he began brushing them away, feeling his already painful and stuffy from blood nose grow even more blocked.
“Yeah I provoked him into a fight, but what else can I fuckin’ do? What the fuck would you do if you were in my situation?! I can’t do anything!” Allen’s voice cracked at the end, and he drew in another shuddering breath, his chest burning with equal parts pain and sadness, still angrily wiping at the tears that kept falling. Tim flew down and landed on Allen’s head, gently kneading in his hair ever so softly.
“I fuckin’ hate it here.” Allen mumbled softly, the fight having finally gone out of him as his shoulders sagged and he staggered back to the wall, sitting down heavily on the floor before drawing his legs close to his body and burying his face in his knees, Tim still gently kneading in his hair. “Everything that terrified me about the Order has all come true. I wish I’d never got off that ark.”
In the silence that followed Allen could hear as Link gently sat down beside him, settling himself down. And for a short while, the pair sat in silence together.
“I’m sorry.” Link eventually broke the silence, speaking gently and softly. “I’m certain an apology isn’t what you want, but I hope it helps, even a little.” There was a lengthy pause, Allen barely acknowledging Link’s words, before he gently spoke up again.
“I also don’t want to stop you from doing the things you enjoy. I know my orders are to stay by your side, but I want you to know I won’t stop you from pursuing your hobbies.” There was a brief pause. “To answer your question, if I were in your situation, I’d spend my time doing the things I enjoy.”
“That’s fuckin’ stupid.” Allen mumbled quietly after a few moments. He didn’t really believe what Link had said was stupid, but he needed to say something, anything to try and make himself feel more normal. To try and rebuild whatever false confidence he could, and fool himself into believing he hadn’t just sat on the floor crying next to someone he hated while they comforted him with what words they could.
“Perhaps.” Link murmured softly, and Allen wasn’t sure if he was agreeing with him to calm him further, or if Link genuinely believed what he’d just said. Though he didn’t much care.
Swallowing heavily, Allen lifted his head, wiping at his eyes once more. Though as he attempted to wipe at his nose he let out an involuntary hiss at the flash of pain that spread across his face.
“You should get that looked at.” Link suggested softly. “Or get some painkillers at the very least.” Allen managed to build half a glare before he sagged slightly again, all the fight from earlier well and truly gone.
“Yeah. Alright.” He agreed quietly, gently pushing himself to his feet.
Allen turned and headed down the corridor in the direction of the medical wing. He didn’t look back to see if Link was following. He knew he would be. But for the first time, he almost didn’t care.
“Nice to meet you, Allen, my name’s Reever and I’m Chief of the science section here.”
Allen directed a grumpy scowl up at the blonde man who had just introduced himself. Even without his introduction, Allen could have guessed that he was part of the science section, the lab coat he was wearing was a dead giveaway. Reever seemed to have already been well briefed on Allen’s grumpy attitude, or well versed in dealing with difficult individuals, and ignored the scowl directed at him as he turned and gave Link a small smile too.
“And you must be Howard Link. We’ve not been formally introduced, though I hear you came here with Inspector Lvellie.” Reever’s tone was pleasantly polite, though Allen wasn’t sure if the slight coldness he heard was real or his imagination projecting his own dislike of Lvellie onto Reever.
“Yes, it’s a pleasure to meet you.” Link stood up from the table and offered out a hand to Reever, the pair shaking hands a moment later.
Allen and Link were having breakfast in the dining hall, the usual mountain of plates surrounding Allen and Timcanpy settled in his hair, and the pair sat as far away from the other exorcists as Allen could get. He was doing his absolute best to completely ignore all the other exorcists, still angry and upset with them, though he’d noticed that he still hadn’t seen Krory since he’d woken up, and he couldn’t stop the small shiver of concern every time he thought about him. No one had told him anything though, and he wasn’t certain if that was because nothing bad had happened, or if they weren’t telling him because of how he was currently acting towards the exorcists. But Allen kept telling himself he didn’t care, even though he knew it was a lie.
“I understand that you’re escorting Allen around at the moment, at the Inspector’s instructions?” Reever asked, mostly speaking to Link as he sat back down, though glancing over at Allen who turned his attention back to his food, his scowl morphing into an angry glare.
“Yes, that’s correct.” Link responded, receiving a nod from Reever. Reever’s face remained unchanged from it’s neutrally pleasant expression, and Allen couldn’t get a read on his opinion of the situation, unsure if this was someone who agreed with Lvellie or not.
“Anyway, the reason I’m here is to invite you over to the science section for a while, Allen.” Reever turned his attention back to Allen, who remained scowling down at his food. “I understand from various reports that you don’t actually know all that much about innocence, and well, we’re the best people to teach you anything you don’t know.”
“And look at my own innocence while I’m there.” Allen grumbled out, briefly scowling up at Reever.
“We won’t do any tests or experiments you’re not comfortable with.” Reever promised, the sincerity in his voice reassuring Allen slightly. “After all, your innocence is part of you, we can’t take it away to run tests on it like we can with a weapon type innocence.” Any reassurance Allen had gained vanished in a matter of moments as he looked back up at Reever with another scowl.
“So what do you say? Fancy heading over and having a brief tour of the science section?”
Allen couldn’t help but briefly glance over at the table of exorcists. He wasn’t sure what they did with their days, or where they went, but he assumed that they probably wouldn’t hang around the science section. And he was still incredibly frustrated with his situation, despite Link’s advice of doing something he enjoyed, Allen still found himself wandering aimlessly and restlessly most days, too injured to train, and certain his gambling would be quickly shut down. Reever’s offer at the very least provided some sort of distraction and he couldn’t deny that he was interested in innocence, and did want to learn more about it. He just didn’t want to admit that out loud.
“Fine.” Allen grumbled after a few moments and Reever smiled happily. He’d finished eating several minutes earlier, and had simply been sat at the table and sulking until Reever had come along. Allen stood up, feeling the usual flutter of irritation as Link stood with him, before turning and following after Reever as he headed out of the food hall.
“General Tiedoll mentioned you’ve already met Hevlaska, and so you’ve probably seen the innocence she looks after.” It seemed to Allen that no one in the Black Order was content to let him brood in silence as they walked, something he found extremely annoying. But at least the topic was somewhat interesting this time around.
“She really has space in her body for all the innocence?” Allen asked somewhat doubtfully as he followed Reever through the labyrinth of confusing hallways. He hadn’t got lost yet, but that was mostly because Link seemed to know the layout, and always gave Allen a gentle nudge in the right direction, even if Allen still hated his presence. Though he supposed Link was useful as a guide if nothing else. Reever nodded in response to Allen’s question.
“She does. Space for all 109 pieces of innocence, excluding her own. Though obviously she doesn’t look after innocence that’s bonded with an accommodator, and the Generals usually carry several pieces with them on their journeys, looking for new potential accommodators.” Allen scowled at that new piece of information, not liking the implications. He didn’t like the idea that the Generals were actively hunting for people to forcibly take back to the Order.
Though the mention of the Generals made Allen think of Cross, and he was reminded that he hadn’t seen the man since he’d been at the Order. He didn’t want to see Cross, and was glad of his absence, but unless he had vanished again, which was extremely likely, Allen was surprised he’d not even heard him shouting down a corridor. After all, he was a very loud presence when he wanted to be.
“Where is Cross?” Allen asked hesitantly after a few moments, scowling at even bringing him up at all. Reever looked incredibly weary for a few moments, sighing loudly, and Allen found he sympathised with him, briefly.
“The General’s under house arrest at the moment.” Reever explained, still looking weary at even thinking about Cross. At least Allen wasn’t the only one who was irritated by even the mere thought of him.
“Why?”
“I’m sure you probably know, but the General’s been AWOL for several years, and with Timcanpy being with you, we had no way of contacting him or tracking him down. Now that he’s finally back at Headquarters, the Vatican wants to keep him here. He’s got a lot to answer for.” Reever said, shaking his head slightly as Tim flapped his wings on Allen’s head at being mentioned. Allen couldn’t deny he was incredibly curious. He had known that Cross was AWOL, several people had mentioned that to him once they’d realised he knew the General, but beyond that he had no idea what he’d been doing during all that time, other than chasing him down. It seemed that the Order also didn’t know what he’d been doing all that time either.
“What does the Order want to know from Cross?” Allen asked after a few moments of silence. If the Black Order wanted to learn more about him, and ask him all kinds of questions, then Allen didn’t see why he couldn’t do the same.
“I’m not entirely certain. That’s staying among people like Chief Komui and Inspector Lvellie.” Reever said, the non-answer and Lvellie’s name drawing a scowl from Allen. “Though you spent some time with the General during his period of absence, right?” Allen’s scowl deepened, and he could almost see Link’s ears perk up at Reever’s question.
“Fuckin’ bastard chased me all over once he realised I was an accommodator.” Allen grumbled. He felt safe mentioning that, he’d said that to several people already, and he was certain that Lvellie must already know about that connection between him and Cross.
“Oh, so he was still doing his job.” Reever said with a slight chuckle. “Though I’m sorry he chased you around so much.” He added on at Allen’s sudden glare.
“Though can I ask, why did you always refuse to join the Black Order, and run away from the General?” Reever asked after a moment, glancing slightly towards Allen.
“Because the bastard tried to kill me.”
There was a shocked silence for a few moments before Reever sighed and ran a hand through his hair.
“I’m sorry for the General’s behaviour.” Reever sounded tired and exasperated, like he wasn’t entirely surprised by Allen’s admission. “But if he knew you were an accommodator, why did he try and kill you?”
Allen came to a stop, surprise rooting him to the ground for a moment as Reever walked a few paces before he realised Allen had stopped and turned to face him, a slightly concerned frown on his face. Even Link seemed a little concerned at the behaviour.
“Allen?”
“I… I can’t remember…” Allen admitted slowly after a few moments. The memory of Cross’s gun pointed at his head was so vividly seared into his memory that thinking about it too long set his heart racing, and so he didn’t think about it often, but if he tried to recall anything before or after that incident, nothing came to mind.
Before that time the last he remembered was Mana burying his dog, the first time he’d ever spoken to the man, and how he’d cried over the grave in Mana’s place, remembering how the stupid friendly animal had actually licked his hand, and cuddled close with him in the snow, and how warm he’d felt. And after, all he could remember was finding Mana, realising he couldn’t remember what had happened to his dog, and little Red deciding to leave the circus behind, and take the empty place in that man’s heart where Allen’s had been previously.
And he had no idea how Cross pointing a gun at his head and trying to kill him slotted in between those two memories.
“Allen?” Reever called out gently again, shaking Allen out of his slight daze, making him aware of his racing heart and trembling breaths.
Allen shook his head slightly, drawing in a deeper breath, ignoring the pang of pain in his ribs and shook his head slightly again.
“I dunnow. I can’t remember. I was maybe like, 6 or something when it happened though. That’s probably why.” Allen said, trying to brush off the strange feeling that something important was missing, and to try and stop the awful concerned expressions on both Link and Reever’s faces.
At the continued concerned expressions from the pair he was with, Allen glared at them both.
“Listen, I don’t like thinking back on my time in the fuckin’ circus, and I was young when it happened, which are probably the two reasons why I can’t remember, alright? No need to get so worked up about it!”
“You’re probably right.” Reever agreed after a moment, wiping the concerned expression from his face and setting off walking again, Allen following along after a few moments. Though he couldn’t help but feel that Reever had only agreed with him to pacify him, rather than any real agreement. “You were born with your innocence, weren’t you, Allen?” Reever asked after a moment, swiftly moving the conversation on from Cross, though Allen glared over at him at the question. He’d just said he didn’t like thinking about his time in the circus, and here Reever was, asking questions about his past!
“Yeah.” Allen responded shortly, hoping to move this conversation on too. Reever scratched the side of his chin thoughtfully for a moment.
“Interesting. We’ve got no documented cases so far of innocence bonding to an unborn child. I wonder why it did for you?”
“I dunnow, do I? And fat lot of good it did me, my parents, whoever they fuckin’ were, sold me to a fuckin’ circus cause my arm was fucked up!”
As a general rule, Allen didn’t hate his innocence, he didn’t hate Crown Clown. At least not any more. He used to, when he was a child in the circus, where the colour of his arm earned him the awful name Red and the arm was mostly paralysed so he could barely use it. But then he spent time travelling with Mana. Mana had never cared about his arm, and practicing juggling had slowly lessened the paralysis in his arm. He still disliked his innocence while travelling with Mana, but it had lessened from hate. And then when his innocence activated for the first time and destroyed Mana’s akuma Allen returned to hating it, for taking Mana away from him again. It was only later, when he’d healed, physically and somewhat emotionally, that he began to notice the brief flashes of emotion from his innocence, how it seemed to genuinely care for him, and slowly, he began to see his innocence less as a burden and something to be hated, and more of a companion and friend.
Reever had the decency to at least look a little ashamed and horrified at learning that Allen’s family had sold him to a circus because of his innocence. Though it wasn’t enough to stop him from asking questions, unfortunately.
“How did it function, when you were a child?” Allen glared up at Reever, hating this topic of conversation, while remembering that he had agreed to go with Reever to learn more about innocence. But that didn’t mean he wanted anyone in the Order to learn more about Crown Clown!
“It didn’t my arm was mostly paralysed for years.” Allen grumbled unhappily.
“Interesting, we’ve never really documented any cases of parasite type hosts being incompatible with their innocence like that before.”
“I’m not incompatible though, am I?” Allen asked in an almost snarl, disliking the implication that he and his innocence hadn’t been compatible at the start of his life, even if it was true. Crown Clown was his innocence, they were a team.
“Not now.” Reever agreed, glancing over at Allen for a brief moment. “Though it seems likely that when you were younger, you probably had a very low synchronisation rate with your innocence, which resulted in the partial paralysis. And then over the years your synchro rate has slowly grown.” Allen almost retorted that it couldn’t have been his synchronisation rate that caused the paralysis, as normal rehabilitation had worked wonders, but he closed his mouth with a glare as his eyes flicked over to Link, ever silent and ever listening.
“Yeah. Sure.” Allen ended up muttering as he glanced around the corridor. “Where the fuck is this science section anyway? We’ve been walking forever.” Allen grumbled as Reever lead him round another corner, chuckling softly.
“We’re here.” He announced, showing Allen into a large library, filled to the brim with books and scientists, the general murmur of chatter filling the air.