Chapter Text
Max Anders was not having a particularly good day. There was still a mess of destruction to deal with downtown after the Echidna attack, which meant increased Protectorate and PRT presence near his building. Glory Girl’s clone very publicly joining the Undersiders emboldened the group to pull off more daring heists, targeting the E88 and hurting his funds. Today, in particular, was shaping up to be unpleasant- repairs outside his house meant that the power went out and his alarm never went off, a detour meant that he was running late, and to top it all off the elevator was being used by some construction worker so the ever-kind philanthropist Max Anders had to take five flights of stairs.
“Max,” James said in his horrible fake German accent as the businessmen/Nazi in question finally walked into the main meeting room of Medhall. “Ve need to talk.”
Max silently donned his armor, taking on the more familiar mantle of Kaiser, and sat at the head of the table. “I see. That’s why you took it upon yourself to invite everyone, hm?” he asked.
Indeed, all of the Empire Eighty-Eight’s capes were there. James- Krieg was on his left side, Brad- Hookwolf on his right. On Hookwolf’s side of the table were Stormtiger, Cricket, and Alabaster; sitting next to Krieg were Victor, Othala, Crusader, and Rune. Fenja and Menja had taken their stances on either side of Kaiser's throne.
“Even you, Kayden?” Kaiser asked.
Purity- his ex-wife- crossed her arms at the end of the table. Night and Fog sat next to her, acting as sickeningly sweet as ever. “I wasn’t going to come until James showed me the footage. It’s pretty bad, Max.”
Max frowned. “Footage?”
Krieg nodded. “We have evidence, Max,” he said as he took out a remote and dramatically pointed it at the projector in the room.
Nothing happened.
He clicked it again.
Nothing happened.
“Try pointing it at, like, the corner of the room,” Othala suggested. “That’s where the sensor is.”
“I’m trying zat!” Krieg snapped.
Hookwolf reached for the remote and Krieg slapped his hand away. “I've got it!”
“I was just trying to help!” Hookwolf snapped back.
Krieg raised his arm straight above his head and pushed the button. Nothing happened.
“Try standing up,” Rune suggested. “The signal might be blocked by something.”
Krieg stood up and clicked the button again. And again.
“Is it out of batteries?” Stormtiger wondered.
“It’s not out of batteries!” Krieg snapped. “I just put in new ones zee ozer day!”
“I’ll go get more batteries from the store,” Alabaster said, starting to stand up.
Krieg slammed his fist on the table. “It’s not out of batteries!”
“I mean, it’s right around the corner,” Alabaster said. “Elevator’s still out but I can be down the stairs in a jiffy.”
“Aren’t they going to recognize you?” Rune asked.
Alabaster shrugged. “I’ll wear a mask.”
“I feel like that’ll draw more attention,” Crusader said. “Maybe like a really big hoodie?”
“We don’t need new batteries!” Krieg snapped. “I’ve got it!”
“Try changing the channel,” Victor suggested.
“The channel is not ze problem!” Krieg yelled.
Victor frowned. “Are you sure?”
“I’ve tried changing ze channel!”
Fenja shifted behind Max uncomfortably. “Are you sure you’re pointing it at the right sensor box?”
“Ja I’m sure I’m pointing it at ze right sensor box! There’s only one sensor box! That’s not it!”
“I’m just going to go get some more batteries,” Alabaster said, standing up again. “It’ll be quick, I promise.”
Krieg threw his hands up. “We do not need new batteries!”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes I am sure!”
Kaiser cleared his throat. “Are you sure that’s the right remote?” he asked.
“There’s only one remote!” Krieg shouted.
“There’s definitely two remotes,” Crusader said.
Purity nodded. “Definitely two remotes.”
Krieg threw the remote to the table. “Then where is ze other one?”
Everyone looked around but nobody spoke up. Stormtiger patted himself down.
Kaiser pinched his brow. “Everybody spread out and find it,” he ordered, getting out of his chair and checking under it. After a few minutes, there was a triumphant shout.
Rune raised a hand. “I found it!” she said, holding the remote in question up high.
“Finally!” Krieg shouted.
Cricket gave two thumbs up.
“Where was it?” Purity called.
“Just under the other remote!” Rune responded, tossing the second remote to Krieg. The man in question tried to catch it, fumbled, and it fell to the ground, the back slipping off and the batteries falling out of the remote and rolling off into the darkness.
Everyone stared at the husk of the remote on the ground.
“Goddammit, James,” Kaiser said.
Krieg wrinkled his nose. “That was not my fault! She tossed it badly!” he said, pointing at Rune.
Rune gasped, affronted. “That was a perfect throw! You’re just shit at catching!”
“...I’m going to go buy new batteries,” Alabaster said, starting to walk towards the door.
“WE DO NOT NEED NEW BATTERIES!” Krieg roared, before taking deep breaths. “Everyone, just… get on ze floor and start searching.”
Rolling his eyes, Kaiser did just that as the group once again spread out to look for something.
“I found them!” Crusader eventually shouted, holding up two batteries and carrying them over to the remote.
Everyone watched with bated breath as he carefully brought them up to the remote.
“Carefully… carefully…”
They slotted in with a click and everyone breathed a sigh of relief.
“ Now can we get started, Krieg?” Kaiser asked, sitting back down as the rest of the capes followed suit.
“Ahem. Yes, we can,” Krieg said, pointing at the projector and clicking the remote. Nothing happened.
Krieg threw the remote to the ground and stomped on it. “Scheiße-”
Cricket picked up the first remote and pointed it at the projector. With a hum, the screen unfolded, and she turned to the group and gave a thumbs up.
“Guess you weren’t pointing it at the right sensor box?” Menja said.
Krieg glared at her. “Do not even start. Are we ready?”
He glanced around the table and everyone nodded.
“Then let us begin.”
With a click, the video on the screen started playing and Max’s blood chilled as he saw himself in it, his suit of metal armor speaking to the camera. “I don’t believe in blood purity. I only use it as a rhetoric to manipulate others.”
The video ended with a click.
“That’s all I could recover,” James explained, setting his remote down. “Someone emailed me the video anonymously.”
There was a moment of silence as everyone processed that.
“ That’s what we needed the remote for?” Rune asked. “All of that? For a seven second video?”
“ZE REMOTE IS NOT IMPORTANT!” Krieg shouted, his voice cracking. “FOCUS ON ZE CONTENT OF ZE VIDEO!”
“Verräter!” Fog shouted, standing up from his seat and pointing at Kaiser with a shaky finger. “Sie sind ein Verräter an der Sache!”
“That is some really strong feelings about a remote, Geoff,” Alabaster said.
Stormtiger sighed. “He’s talking about the video.”
Victor cleared his throat. “To remain on topic: we don’t know that he’s a traitor, my friend,” Victor said, ever the voice of reason. “Though we would appreciate an explanation for the contents of that video.”
Kaiser shook his head. “That was not me.”
Krieg raised an eyebrow. “It sure sounded a lot like you, Max. Anything you want to get off your chest?”
Kaiser scoffed. “Did all of you forget that we live in a town with a Trump/Changer that’s dedicated their life to tricking capes? This is just another one of their games.”
“That sounds awfully defensive, Max,” Purity warned.
Kaiser ignored her. “You know, it’s very convenient that you managed to find this evidence, Krieg. You make it yourself? If we take that mask off are we going to find a mustache or goatee under there?”
Krieg gasped. “How dare you?”
“You were awfully uncomfortable with the video system,” Hookwolf pointed out.
“It is a hard system to use!” Krieg complained. “And besides, however I got the video, I did not get a name with it.”
“Didn’t you say that they emailed it to you?” Kaiser pointed out. “Changing your story already, Nemesis?”
Krieg winced. “I’m not- hm. Fine. I got it from the security systems in your office, Max.”
“You hacked my security?” Kaiser gasped.
“Not me!” Krieg shouted. “Victor did it!”
Hookwolf frowned as a thought crossed his mind. “And how hard would it be to shave before this meeting, anyways?”
Victor held his hands up as everyone turned to him. “I did no such thing! But if I hypothetically did, it was at Purity’s behest!”
Purity crossed her arms. “I needed to know the truth, Max. James told me everything.”
Everyone turned back to Krieg. “I have no idea what you are talking about-”
Purity flew up into the air, starting to glow. “Now, you lie? AFTER WHAT YOU SAID ABOUT MY SON?”
“You’re lying!” Krieg said, scrambling to his feet and activating his power. “I said no such thing!”
Kaiser snarled. This entire meeting, they were at each other’s throats, irritant after irritant building up. But he saw it. Raising a sword out of the ground, he pointed it at Alabaster. “This is your doing, isn’t it, Nemesis? You keep trying to leave the room, but you don’t have me fooled.”
Alabaster loaded his guns and pointed one at Kaiser but leveled the other at Victor. “It’s not me, Max. Haven’t you noticed? This whole time, ‘Victor’ has been trying to play us for fools. Or is this peacekeeping just coincidental?”
“There’s no cause for alarm-” Victor started as he stood, hands in the air. He flinched as a bullet flew past him and slammed into the headrest of his chair.
“Tell me where the real Victor is, or the next one goes right between your eyes,” Alabaster snarled.
Hookwolf started to transform, Cricket drew her kamas, Stormtiger summoned the wind, every single combatant got ready to fight, and the air was still for a moment. Kaiser opened his mouth to say something- order the real traitor captured, for example, or just restore order and bring everyone’s tension back down.
But then Krieg slipped on the second remote- still discarded on the ground- and as his gun went off everything went to hell.
Whistling, a young woman in a construction worker’s uniform with a mustache and goatee cheerfully whistled as she exited the elevator, leading a group of exactly seventeen llamas behind her.
“Kaiser!” she loudly announced, opening the doors. “I, Evil Bitch and my army of American Llamas, will-”
The cape sucked in a deep breath at the sight of the room. It was, in a word, carnage. Broken chairs lined the room, little more than firewood. The bay window at the back of the area was broken, multiple laser blasts and chairs having been thrown through it. Two giantesses took up most of the west of the room, the barest signs of a set of legs and arms still trapped beneath them; on the east of the room was the rest of the Empire Eighty-Eight, all in various conditions of unconscious and injured.
Kaiser looked up blearily, his lower half trapped under Fenja’s unconscious form.
Evil Bitch shrugged. “You can just have the llamas, I guess. No nemesis shenanigans. I’m going to go call the PRT.”
The seventeen llamas traipsed into the room happily as Evil Bitch closed the door behind them. One bit Hookwolf’s arm.
Kaiser groaned, his helmet hitting the floor with a metallic thunk.
A llama defecated on his face.