Chapter Text
Caged.
Again.
Because of his own stupidity.
Again.
He really did have to stop acting first and thinking later.
Sirius paced the small section of hallway he was allowed to access like a rabid dog. He’d not been prepared enough when he entered Grimmauld Place and now he was paying for it. Kreacher had no doubt tricked him into the basement pantry. The hateful old elf was so intrenched with the house and its wards there was no way the elf hadn’t felt his poking.
What he hadn’t fully prepared for was there being a human present in the house. Having read the backlog of Daily Prophets Markus’ family kept for him to peruse after his times on the rock, Sirius had seen what he had thought was good news.
Arcturus Atlas Black had died just around Christmas. There had been a story in the back dredges of the paper. About his contributions, his service on the Wizengamot, and other factoids that most would not understand as he was in his 90s at his death. While wixen could age well into their hundreds, it wasn’t common by any means. Especially for the Black family.
But in the obituary, he noted that his grandfather had been preceded in death by Walburga Valencia Black. His mother. She’d bit it in 1985, probably alone and rotting in this very house.
Given that Orion had died in 1979, along with his brother Regulus, Sirius had taken the news as a stroke of luck. It meant the house was empty.
Except that it wasn’t.
Bellatrix had appeared much to his surprise and had all but trounced him with spells. Without a wand, he had little option other than to transform and attack her in his animagus form. Instead of maiming him or killing him, the woman had bound him up and ordered a house elf to see to him.
The slight little house elf had blinked him up into a room, promptly put him down like the dog he was, then stood back and created a barrier to keep him confined to the room and the bathroom right next door. Once the elf was certain her blockade was firmly set, the ropes binding him had fallen away. The creature retreated and Bella came up the stairs to ensure he’d been locked up as she had ordered.
He stooped so low as to even beg his cousin, asking her to think of the boy who was missing and needed help. The conversation had taken a turned at that point. Somewhere that still wasn’t clear to him.
“A son.”
Bella’s cruel sense of humor surely hadn’t changed. There was no way in the seven hells he had a kid. He wasn’t like that. He wasn’t some scoundrel that would knock up a girl and leave her to deal with the consequences. He’d always been careful with the muggle protections Lily had given to him in one of the most embarrassing talks of his life.
Muggles had ways of preventing pregnancies. Wizards, well wizards did not. Their lot put a really heavy emphasis on having as many children as one could have, his family most of all. To try actively to prevent a pregnancy would be considered blasphemy to many in the old circles and some in the more modern sets.
It was implied that all wixen, not just the pure bloods, were to try to have as many kids as they could. Compared to muggles, they were a dying breed.
“Not the point!”
Sirius continued his pacing, mind racing and emotions raging like a storm inside his head and chest. There were too many oddities happening here and he could not capture them all and break them down into something that made sense.
“Mother would have never legitimized a bastard child.” Sirius thought angrily, scratching at his face and running through what he did know. About himself and his mother. “Especially one tied to me. Regulus, maybe, but not my spawn.”
Then there was Bella herself. She’d played a game with him, egging him on for details as to why she shouldn’t be in the house at all. The Black Family was old, older than even the Ministry itself. Their traditions, their rights of succession, were firmly paternal. Men led the family. Men held the titles. Men oversaw the properties. Bellatrix, though favored by his mother, had no claims on the Lordship, the house, or any other properties since she had married out of the family shortly after she’d graduated.
“Rodolphus was in Azkaban. I saw him and Rabastan several times.” Sirius began to growl to himself; exhaustion starting to slow his feet and muddle his mind even more. “She says the child isn’t his. Says he was mine. But now hers.”
He came to a stop and dug the heel of his hands into his eyes. Since getting off the island that held Azkaban, he’d noticed his mind racing more often, his emotions swelling up in large bubbles then bursting, causing him to be erratic and to feel like he was completely losing his mind.
He had no warning when they would hit and finally, he ran from the guard who had taken him from the island. It had been too risky when his mind would slip from angry, joyful, sad, and damn near suicidal within the span of a few hours.
“You just need to get a wand. Bee was right, wandless magic is fickle and you’re just getting anxious because you can’t defend yourself.” Sirius tried to rationalize it the best he could and wondered if there were any old wands lying about the home.
“She went easy on you.”
The second thought shocked him into a full standstill. Bellatrix Lestrange was known as a very deadly, very proficient witch. She knew more of the family magic than even he did, and rumor was the Dark Lord had taught her personally as well. Bella was not a pushover, and he’d been mad to take her in his dog form.
Instead of going for the kill, she’d announced each and every spell she cast, despite Sirius knowing she could cast wordlessly with ease. She used no permanently harming or dark spells either. The only harming spell she had used was Diffendo and her cuts had been precise and not overly deep. She’d even healed them once she had him trapped.
“None of this makes sense. None of it!” Sirius snarled as he jerked back into the room. He winced as his bruises and wounds stretched his skin uncomfortably and he glared down at his thin arms and legs.
“Would Mister be wanting a bath?”
Sirius again jerked his head around and found the little elf had returned. She was a thin elf with wispy dark hair and dark eyes. Not young, but not old either. She was placing a pile of clothing on the bed behind him as he watched her intently. After that, she was snapping her fingers at the nearby wardrobe and a few sets of trousers, tops, and robes were flying into the fine oaken furniture.
“What are you doing?” Sirius snarled softly, maneuvering himself until he was facing the elf. He was still confused and agitated, and could not understand why the elf was doing anything at all. She’d done what her owner had asked of her, hadn’t she?
“Madam asked Heddy to see to her house guest. To bring him clothes and food.” The elf stated plainly and calmly. “But Heddy feels Mister should first bathe. Heddy has prepared the bath, with tincture and balms for Mister’s torn and bruised skin.”
“You’ve got to be joking.” Sirius snorted, furrowing his brow and cocking his head to the side as the elf merely watched him back.
“Heddy be only making a suggestion. Mister is a guest of the house. Heddy only wishes to make Mister comfortable.”
“I’m certain your madam didn’t want that.” Sirius frowned and glared back at the barrier keeping him confined. “I’m a prisoner.”
“No, a guest. Madam wishes Mister to stay put as he is in need of healing.” Heddy, he was certain now of her name given the way most elves referred to themselves. She was now folding her arms and giving him a rather defiant work. “Heddy agrees. Dealt with Madam Walburga when she was stubborn, can deal with sir.”
“You dealt with my mother and survived the experience?” Sirius snorted now truly disbelieving. Had any elf spoken so boldly and often in Walburga’s presence, it’s head would have been chucked into the large fireplace in the kitchens. No honor of being hung on the wall.
Not that it was much an honor.
Disgusting was more like.
“Heddy being sturdier than she looks.”
Sirius felt a brush of the elf’s magic nudging him back to the small corner hallway. The elf pointed towards the bathroom next door and he could only assume the elf was now demanding he make use of the bath she’d prepared and was not taking no for an answer.
“Fine! Fine! I’ll go with whatever plot you all have set up!” Sirius stomped his way to the bathroom and found that yes, the elf had the tub warmed, filled, and there was a pleasant smell of lavender, chamomile, and herbs that smelled more medicinal in the air. He took a sneering look inside and saw a sheen in the water’s surface, as well as bits and bobs of leaves, and other items floating about. “Trying to lull me into some sense of security or some other nonsense.”
“Heddy no be doing such things. Can feel the family magic in Mister and knows he being family.” The elf was hanging up a towel and house coat for him to use once he was finished. “What can Heddy be bringing mister to eat?”
“Not hungry.”
“Lying you are.” And he felt a sting in his backside. He glared again at the creature, now glaring right back at him. “Skin and bones. Too rickety and knobby. Mister needs food.”
“Highly doubt you high society elves know what coronation chicken is anyway…”
He heard a pop and looked over his shoulder to find the elf gone and the door closed. He blinked in surprise for several moments before turning back to the finely set clawfoot tub in front of him. He did not remember this bathroom having one. Nor did he remember the room having a lovely pastel blue motif with dark gray mirrors and cabinetry.
His mind finally slowed enough for him to start glancing around his scenery. There wasn’t a speck of dark green, oppressive black, or annoyingly bright silver accents to be seen. Come to think of it, the galley had seemed damn near pristine, not gritty and dank as he remembered it from childhood.
“I’ll thank you not to destroy all of Cissy’s hard work.”
Bella had made that comment as he had come tumbling out of the pantry. Cissy. As in Narcissa. The youngest of the Black Sisters.
“She has to be lying.” Sirius tried to convince himself as he began to peel the grungy, dirty prison garb from his body. It stuck in places, wounds he had not remembered getting as he roamed from Markus’ Ireland home to London’s dirty streets. “Why heal me? Why not turn me in for the reward? Why not just murder me for being such a stain on the family name?”
“Why not just kill me like the Death Eater she is? Was? What’s the gain for her?”
Sirius felt his skin soaking in whatever was in the water and he felt his muscles give way their aches and pains. He took a deep breath, hardly able to remember the last time he didn’t hurt in some way and felt the start of tears pricking his eyes.
“Harry’s missing, in danger, and you’re taking a bleeding bath!”
“You cannot help him in this state. He’d more than likely run away from you. You look like a madman.”
“You are a madman.”
Sirius bit his tongue, trying to calm the thoughts and swallowed away the emotion threatening to drown him in this moment. He needed a wand, he needed food and water, he needed to clean up his appearance and look less like a murderer and more like he used to; like a trusted Auror.
“Wasn’t he happy with your work?”
Bella’s singing taunt had hit hard. Sirus felt it not only applied to Dumbledore, but to Moody, now that he was thinking about it.
Dumbledore, Sirius had started to realize back in Azkaban, was acting as a general. As a wartime leader. Sacrifices were necessary and Sirius had offered himself up like a lamb. But his mind kept twisting and snarling at the idea that Dumbledore had also made a sacrifice of Harry. Why else was Harry allowed to disappear at the age of three, and no one realized it until he didn’t show up for Hogwarts?
“Lily did not want her sister to have him, you know this. She talked to us at length about it. Numerous times. She wanted to be absolutely certain Harry never was left with his aunt.”
That was a punch in the gut. Dumbledore had put his godson in the only place James and Lily had said not to put him. And it had begun to really bother Sirius, the longer he was away from Azkaban. Did Dumbledore not speak up regarding his innocence because he knew Sirius would immediately and resolutely keep Harry as was agreed?
Moody, on the other hand, wasn’t some wartime general. He was merely a grunt on the front lines like Sirius. He was happy there on the front lines, despite all his injuries and handicaps. Moody wanted to go down fighting. His mentor, his overseer in the Auror department. A man he had thought understood his need to fight back and had guided him along the way like his parents should have.
Alastor Moody should have known damn well Sirius wouldn’t betray James, who had also been mentored by the aging Auror. He knew how tightly knit the two men were, how solid their friendship was, and how much Sirius loathed his family’s perchance for the Dark Arts. He should have had enough sway in the department to at least bring up reasonable doubt.
Or at least a damn trial!
But Alastor hadn’t. He’d let his fellow Aurors and the Ministry throw Sirius away without even an interrogation.
“You are still family Rus.”
Sirius felt his face flush. It was the one thing he had never expected to hear out of Bellatrix’s mouth. Not after he’d left them all, not after the war started. That she would still call him family was a shock he had not been prepared for and had gone on auto pilot; denying it.
And yet… it had burned a whole in his chest, reminding him how things used to be before the world turned dark. Bee, as he’d called her as a child, had been so playful, so protective and so different to everyone else in the family. She was the leader of them all, to her sisters, to him, and to Reggie.
Somewhere though, they started seeing things differently and then the Dark Lord had begun his campaign in earnest.
Splitting them apart irrevocably.
“Or so you thought.”
It was too much and too different for his mind to wrap around. Escaping had taken more than he’d realized and he felt exhaustion starting to really tug at his awareness.
“Up you come, Mister.” Heddy’s voice was back and he felt the elf magic trying to prod him up from the charmed waters. He blinked at the servant and groaned as he moved to stand. No need to be any more embarrassed by needing the elf to raise him up and towel him off.
But within a blink, he was back in his room, the elf adeptly and quickly magicking on a set of silk pajamas and setting him in a chair next to the window. A table floated in front of his bleary eyesight and he gaped at the sandwiches with coronation chicken, a small bowl of fruit, and a goblet of water.
And a potion vial.
“Heddy knows Mister will need a soother. Not eating causes the stomach to shrink. Yes, it does.” Heddy was pushing the vial to him first. “Drink, then eat. Then Heddy insists Mister sleeps.”
“And how would a house elf know that?” He tipped the vial back, the minty taste instantly assuring him it was a stomach soother and not some poison or sleeping draught.
“Heddy cared for Madam Walburga before her death. Could not eat some days, shook too bad, or hurt too much. Healers taught Heddy what to do.”
“Suffered, did she?”
Sirius could not help the growl in his tone or the darkening thoughts. Served her right, the hateful old hag. Yes, he knew it made him a horrible, disgusting person, wishing and hoping his own mother suffered in her final years, but she had wished far more to befall Sirius. He was certain of that. Hell, she had made sure he suffered from the age of five up till he ran away.
“For a time. Potion master made sure to ease it as much as he could. As did the little raven and Madam Bellatrix.”
“And yet she’s afraid I’ll harm her son.” Sirius rolled his eyes and found his stomach practically vibrating at the idea of something that wasn’t scraps, dog food, or prison fare. The smell was delightful and the presentation flawless.
“Madam Walburga loved her grandson.”
“Find that hard to believe.” Sirius waved his hand at the elf and picked up one of the sandwiches eagerly. It had to be a trick; he was certain it had to be. But the damned elf was right, he needed to eat to regain his strength and if it came at Bella’s expense then so be it.
Luckily the elf left him be and he gorged on the comfort food he had learned to enjoy. Lily had introduced him to this particular food. Something about the Muggle queen and her coronation; thus, the name.
If he got another request, maybe the elf would go out and find him some good Indian food. James and he had lived off the stuff in their late teens and early twenties. Practically everywhere they went in London and was usually cheap and quick.
“I promise James, I will find him. I will.” He mentally promised his brother, somewhat ashamed he was in a room, in silk pajamas, eating fine food and being tended too while his godson was Merlin knew where.
Once he had stuffed himself to discomfort, he walked over to the bed and ran his fingers over the beige bedding. Just like the bathroom, this room had been cleaned thoroughly and redecorated in a more pleasing, neutral color scheme. The linens were crisp, clean, and made of some wonderfully warm fabric as he slipped under the turned down sheets.
His thoughts returned to the last thing Bella had said to him; about a son he had no memory of siring. He wasn’t even sure who it would have been with. The house was far too quiet for there to be a child here, the ruckus they had caused would have piqued any kid’s curiosity. Not to mention, he heard Bella order Kreacher to return to her son and he wasn’t needed ‘here’.
“School aged then.” Sirius leaned up against the headboard of the four-poster bed and stared into the dimly lit room waiting for the axe to fall. “It wasn’t Marlene. She died before James and Lily and she would have told me. I would have known. Marly wasn’t mad enough to keep my own kid from me.”
He and Marlene McKinnon had been semi-serious off and on through school and their early years fresh out of Hogwarts. But he was still too wild and carefree to settle down and Marlene wanted something a bit more traditional. They were still friends, they still hooked up now and then, but they both understood that Sirius wasn’t ready to commit to a relationship.
“Then the Death Eaters killed her and her family.”
So many of the people he had known, loved, and fought with were dead. Gone and never to be seen again. Those that were left, well, he wasn’t sure how much he could trust them. Remus Lupin came to mind, but the werewolf had been under suspicion before and had not once spoken up for Sirius’ innocence either. Even though Remus hadn’t known who the secret keeper was, hadn’t the werewolf known him better than that? Hadn’t they been through so much during Hogwarts?
Marlene’s death was the only waypoint he had though, knowing after that point he’d gone a little loose with his companionship partners. And the alcohol. Too many were dying, he was facing more and more raids alone as James and Lily went into hiding, and he’d gone a little rogue.
But again, he knew without a doubt he had been careful any time he did find some lovely lady to spend his time with. James called him a man-whore at one point and that was when Lily had shown him the muggle contraceptives called condoms.
“It’s just a safety measure. You weren’t ready for Marly so you aren’t ready for a child. Don’t be that parent, Sirius. Don’t be that absent dad.”
“Well Lily, jokes on me, I ended up that way anyway.” Sirius groaned and slid down further into the plush mattress, again pushing the heels of his hands into his eyes. “What kind of woman was it if Bella was deemed more fit to raise a kid than his own mother?”
Exhaustion finally won and he sunk into the pillow behind him. It had been a long time since he had tried to sleep in his human form, preferring to be safer as a dog lest the Dementors show up while he was unawares. Being an animagus had saved his arse so many times and had allowed him to keep some of himself from being sucked away by the creatures of death.
But now it made him feel awkward and too large to fit on a bed more than enough for a man of his shorter stature.
Once again, Sirius wasn’t prepared fully for what sleep meant when he wasn’t an animal. An onslaught of nightmares and half-visions started to assault him the deeper to sleep he went. James and Lily, decayed and empty of souls, clamoring to strangle him and damn him. A faceless woman holding a bulbous belly, calling him a scoundrel and a deadbeat. Peter, scurrying away, laughing like the villain in a bad fiction book. Remus, lurking at the edge of the shadows, growling and salivating and glowing amber eyes.
It only worsened as a cold; familiar chill began to seep through his bones. The nearly formless shadow came careening through the sky, the tattered cloth that hid away the horrors underneath flapping as it moved. All Sirius could do was curl up into his dog form and hope it retreated. Hope that it went away.
“Perhaps this all has been a trick. It would explain why everything is so backwards.”
He hadn’t escaped. His mind was just breaking under the strain of the dementors after ten years. Surely that explained all the unexplainable things. He didn’t have a son, but he had wanted one eventually. So that James and his kids could carry on their legacy. Bella wasn’t in the house, providing a room and food to him. He merely missed the connection he’d once had with the older woman. His mother wasn’t dead, she was probably enjoying his slow and painful death from afar.
The Dementors must have finally figured it out and now he was due his kiss.
“He’s rather agitated again…”
A voice that sounded rather far away caught his ear and it flicked around trying to find the source.
“His body temperature is low.”
Two voices. He sat up in the darkness trying to find a source. He felt something brush past his head, causing him to wince, but when he blinked his eyes open again, Sirius found himself in a too bright room. Hissing and trying to move his arm up to shield his eyes, something caught his arm and he flinched.
“Sirius, shhh.” A very soft voice murmured. “You’re safe, cousin. Just relax.”
“Heart rate can’t make up its mind either.” The other voice was talking in clipped tones, a tight sound of worry backing each word.
“Yes, between the malnutrition, the sleep deprivation, and the after effects of dementors, it is in flux.” The softer voice was stating and a hand clasped his own. “Sirius can you hear me?”
Sirius blinked his eyes some more, the blurriness and the brightness causing him to tear a bit. The hair immediately made him think of Bella, but that could not be right. The voice was too soft, too gentle. As the fuzziness cleared from his vision, he found himself blinking at the face of Andromeda.
“Something we are trying to atone for.”
“Andi?” Sirius croaked back at the woman, furrowing his brows. This surely wasn’t right. It couldn’t actually be her.
“That’s right Sirius. You don’t know how happy I am you recognize me.” The chocolate haired witch was sitting down softly on the edge of the bed, again, her fingers danced across his forehead. He flinched though and forced himself to sit up and shove back towards the headboard.
“No, none of this has been right.” Sirius growled and started glancing around the room to find the other voice. He was met with the sight of a blonde woman, picking through a leather bag and pulling out small vials of potions. “Cissa?”
“Yes, Sirius.” The blonde replied in her smooth, calm tone, as she always had. As she always would. “Do calm down. We’re having a hard enough time getting you healed.”
“Yes Sirius, calm down. You are safe here. I know it seems unlikely, but…”
“It can’t be you. Mother burned you from the tapestry.” Sirius continued to be hoarse and felt his muscles tensing back up. “This has to be a trap, a trick. You have to be Bella pretending to be…”
“It is not.” Andi sat back with her hands in her lap. “How could I prove it to you?”
“Tell me something only you would know.” Sirius used one of Moody’s favorite tricks. “That only you and I would know.”
“Bella said he was halfway lucid. It doesn’t seem he’s…”
“Quiet Cissa. He used to be an Auror. Actually, I’m rather pleased he’s being paranoid.” Andi was scoffing at Cissa and Sirius flicked his gaze between the sisters warily. “It shows you are thinking about the situation. That you are aware. So…”
Andi sat up straighter, got a wry grin on her face, and blinked a few times before she began to answer him.
“You, Sirius Orion Black, were a rather slippery individual. Even as a teenager. Your friends helped you to somehow sneak out of Hogwarts, into Hogsmeade, and delivered you promptly to my wedding on April 15th. Where you then proceeded to give me away to my husband Edward Tonks, as the only ‘noble’ Black man in the family. You and James Potter then enjoyed far too much alcohol and returned to Hogwarts as if nothing had ever happened.”
“Sirius gave you away at your wedding?” Cissa was gasping nearby, eyes wide and mouth parted in an undignified way.
Andi didn’t really get a chance to answer the question as Sirius could not help but lurch forward and wrap trembling arms around the woman and bury his head into her shoulder. It was Andi. Only Andi and James would know what had happened that day, given that Ted’s muggle family didn’t have a clue as to who he or James were, or much about magic, and he and James were the only ones there for Andi’s side of the celebration.
“Andi, it’s really you.” He gripped her as much as his weakened body would let him and felt tremors in his back working their way up to his neck. “Sweet Merlin, Andi, it really is you.”
“Of course it is, Sirius. Bella could no sooner impersonate me as you could Regulus.” Andi was chuckling and he felt her arms around him tighten. “I have never given up hope Sirius. I knew you were not capable of such things. I knew, but could not help you. I had too little influence and too little proof.”
“You believe I’m innocent?” Sirius sat back, searching her eyes with his own and saw her soft smile and those expressive brown eyes. Yes, she did believe him. It shone through all of her familiar features and mannerisms.
“Of course. We all do.”
“But that doesn’t make sense, Andi. The family threw us away. Kicked us out.” Sirius glanced at Cissa, who was returning to her sorting and preparing different things he seemed to know were for him. “Bella was…”
“Cissa, would you mind leaving us for a moment?”
“Of course. Do try to calm down cousin.” Cissa let her fingers brush along his shoulder as she passed by the bed and gave him an odd look of fondness and regret. “You are not well and been unconscious for a few days. Do not stress yourself with things that can wait until later.”
Sirius watched her leave the bubble that was his little area and move off into the house. Andi was standing up and retrieving something with a flick of her wrist, and he soon saw her uncorking a vial. She held it to him and he looked up at her in confusion.
“Calming Draught, Sirius. If we are to hash this out now, I want you calm. Merlin knows your emotions are unpredictable due to the dementor exposure.”
“Dealt with a lot of us, have you?” Sirius couldn’t help the sneer but he took the vial and inspected it closely.
“Actually yes. It is considered a spell damage and those who don’t receive a life sentence and survive their years there, usually end up in my ward first.” Andi shot back just as stiffly and waited for him to take the draught. “It is not your fault; it is a byproduct of their ability to suppress other emotions. Given you seem rather intact mentally, I believe you will improve over time.”
“Won’t end up in the Janey Ward then?” Sirius quipped and knocked back the draught quickly. “Or back on the rock?”
“No. As a family we decided we would help you.” Andi was summoning a chair now with her wand and sitting next to the bed. She reached out and took his hand again and gave him a tired smile. “Sirius, go on, ask what you meant to just now.”
“How can you forgive them?” Sirius knew Andi had heard the real question in his words and gripped the other side of the mattress and blankets so not to hurt Andi’s hand. “After everything they did, after every insult they threw, why are you here Andi?”
“I’m told by my husband, a mind healer you must know, that forgiveness isn’t for those who harmed us. It is for us.” Andi said softly, quietly. “It is so we can move on and not be burdened with the hate and the loathing that would otherwise consume us.”
“Bullshit, you could hold a grudge as well as any of us.”
“True. But…” Andi paused and pushed back her hair from her face, watching his with curiosity and concern. “If I am being honest, it is a selfish thing. I missed them. I missed you. I love Edward and my daughter, but I missed the connection; the community. Yes, I know their friends are a lot of bigoted arses who couldn’t find their way out of a dung heap if they were forced to. Yes, I know I’m still seen as a blood traitor by the other families. But our family… our family is changing Sirius. I didn’t believe it first either, but Bella isn’t who she used to be. We aren’t who we used to be.”
“Bella isn’t who she was? She was a Death Eater Andi! I saw her more times than I could count during skirmishes and raids.”
“And she saw you.” Andi nodded in return, setting herself firmly for the battle ahead it seemed. “Yet, I don’t hear either one of you saying you tried to apprehend one another.”
“She was…” Sirius started to say by reflex and then sat up in shock as he nearly said the word family.
“Family. Yes Sirius, we’re still family despite what happens to that damned tapestry.” Andi scoffed and continued on. “I do not condone what she did in those times. I do not pretend to think she is a saint who will renounce dark arts or pull any punches should she be backed into a corner. She is still Bella at her core and she is a powerful witch who protects what is hers.”
“And you Andi?”
“I am a mother, desperately trying to find an alternative path for her daughter.” Andi heaved a sigh and looked away briefly. “Sirius, I know how dedicated you were to Albus Dumbledore and his band of militants. I know you will not believe anything I say against the man. But I never liked him. I never trusted him or his agenda; I merely thought him the lesser of two evils. He has done things since the war has ended that I do not like. He is still acting like a leader of a war and not a man working towards meaningful peace.”
“And Bella is?”
“You’d be surprised at the compromises she and Lucius have been trying to draft in the Wizengamot.” Andi actually laughed at that. A light sound that sounded genuinely surprised but pleased. “Yes, the old ideas of taking muggleborns once they are recognized are starting to circulate again, but Ted has been talking to Lucius more often about alternatives, or compromises to the system. Because it is clear the system as it now helps neither side and doing nothing no longer seems the right approach.”
“Your muggleborn husband has been talking to Lucius Malfoy, king of prats and pure blood supremacy?”
“Sirius.” Andi was fighting a smirk and shook her head at him. She seemed to think for a minute then veered in a different direction. “Tell me how you did this? I’ve dealt with patients who have done a fraction of the time you have in that place. They have been far more despondent, unhinged, or dissociated that very little calms them. How have you kept yourself?”
“Dementors don’t know the difference between a dog and a man.” Sirius looked away ashamed. “I’m sure Bee told you I’m an animagus by now.”
“Bee. Merlin, I forgot that nickname.” Andi squeezed his hand and got him to look back up to her. “So, if you transformed into your animal form the dementors left you alone?”
“Yes. I could still feel the chill, the overwhelming dread, but they didn’t come to snack on me as long as I was a dog.”
“Interesting. I would think the magical residue of the transformation would still tip them off. It’s not as if your magical core disappears when you transform, otherwise you’d never be able to turn back.” Andi was theorizing a bit and looking a bit distant. She’d always studied how magic interacted with their bodies, how it helped them to heal and age more gracefully than muggles.
It had been her other reason for disengaging from the family. Women were meant to be wives, little else. Andi wanted to help people. She loved healing arts. She had a desire to do more and be more, just as he had.
“But I’ve gotten away from your question.” Andi was loosening her hold on his hand and for a brief moment he missed the contact of another human being. Sirius had not realized just how keenly until it had retreated from him. “I have forgiven them, yes. That doesn’t mean I’m suddenly unaware of what they are capable of. What they did to me, to Ted. I am still angry at times. And no one is asking you to forgive them at this juncture Sirius.”
“Yet I’m a prisoner.” Sirius muttered in return.
“You aren’t a prisoner Sirius.” Andi reached out to touch the barrier and it dissolved beneath her finger tips. “Bella and I fought a bit over it, but if you wish to leave, then leave. However, I would ask you what use you’d be to your missing godson in the state you are currently in?”
“He’s been gone for too long Andi. I can’t delay because I’m not my best.”
“Not your best? Tell me cousin, how long did you rage, fret, and pace this area before exhaustion finally drug you down?”
“I laid down after my bath.” Sirius puffed up like a chastised teenager and frowned. “I figured I might as well get a bath and clothes…”
“That was the first night you were here Sirius. Tell me about the next one?”
“The next one? Up until just a bit ago I was sleeping. I get it, I was exhausted, but…”
“No. The next day you nearly ran a rut in the rug muttering to yourself and then acting as if you were fleeing something. Bella didn’t have to tell me you were an animagus, I watched you change myself when you finally curled up in the corner as a black dog.”
“I did what? No… I was dreaming, sure, but I wasn’t…”
“Sirius.” Andi moved back over with several of the vials Cissa had been preparing and started placing them on the nightstand. “You are what? A month free from the dementors? A month in a world you left ten years ago? You are malnourished to the point I can see your ribs. You have several wounds with varying stages of infection. Your magical core, Merlin Sirius, I don’t even know how you’re shifting at all given you are in a severely exhausted state. Like I said Sirius, I’ve dealt with those exposed to dementors. I know the effects. You aren’t well right now and if you were to be dissociated or in a fit around anyone, let alone a child, it would be frightening. It is why Bella called for me.”
“But he… Harry, he…”
“Sirius, I won’t sugar coat things. You know I won’t. There’s no proof the boy is alive.”
Sirius moved to contradict her but she quickly held up her hand and sternly glared his way until he snapped his mouth shut.
“The treatment the muggle has disclosed would easily kill a child that age. However, the boy did survive the killing curse, something once thought impossible. So, while my logic says the child is gone, I understand that you would need far more proof.”
“Andi, he’s all I have left!” Sirius finally swung his legs to the side of the bed and stood, shaking and trembling, but upright. “I am his godfather! I failed him that night. I can’t do it again.”
“He isn’t all you have Sirius.” Andi approached and reached up her hand to his sunken cheeks and shook her head sadly at him. “I would very much like you to meet my daughter. She reminds me so much of you and Bella. Snarky, confident, wild. Too smart for her own good. You have me. My husband is more than willing to help you regain your emotions and settle your mind.”
“A mind healer. A bloody damned mind healer like I’m a lost cause already.”
“You aren’t a lost cause; you are a man who has endured torment and torture for ten years. You’ve come out rather well but to think there’s no damage? No lingering effects? That is foolish even for you.”
Andi harshly jerked up a potion for his consumption and he took it in silence. The nervous need swirling around his mind demanded he start searching for Harry. Now, not later. He knew Andi would fight him on it, she wanted to help him heal cause that’s what she did, but he could not afford that.
“If you were found right now, you’d receive the kiss. You’d not be able to fight back and that would be the end of it. You need your wits about you Sirius. Things are not as they were in the last war. But they are still tense. They are still lopsided. You think that Dumbledore will help you now that you are out? No. He more than likely would throw you back to them gift-wrapped.”
“He…he…” Sirius tried to deny that as well, but he couldn’t. Dumbledore knew he was innocent. He had to. And he had done nothing so far. “He might. I know that. But what? I’m to trust Bella? Trust Cissa and that prat of a husband?”
“No. Trust me.”
Sirius blinked at the woman solemnly as she shoved yet another bottle into his hand. She nodded in a way that brokered no argument and he downed it as well. Her eyes, always soft in color, but so expressive, bored into him as he lowered his chin back down and handed her back the empty vial.
“Ted and I are willing to open our home to you. I know you can’t stand this house and it would be counterproductive to helping you heal from the trauma.” Andi took it and swallowed a bit before moving to the next one.
“Andi, I can’t put your family in that kind of danger.” Sirius rubbed at his face tiredly and shook his head no. “They’ll look at you first, given you too were disowned.”
“They’ve been there and gone.” Andi snorted, keeping on her potion regime whether he liked it or not. “And the benefit of having my daughter as an Auror trainee, means they trust she will report any sightings of you.”
“An Auror trainee?”
“As I said, she reminds me of you. Apparently Moody too, because he is her mentor.”
“Get her away from him. The bloody bastard is too paranoid to ever be trustworthy…” Sirius started to feel the anger rushing forward and he threw the empty bottle against the nearby wall. The elf had it cleaned in a blink and he frowned at Andi.
“We agree on this.” Andi replied softly, her wand at the ready and he stepped back and sank onto the side of the bed in shame.
She had a point, didn’t she? He was unpredictable. What he’d read in the papers about Harry’s relatives was pretty clear. Those bastards had been abusive, downright torturous, to the boy. If he had done what he had just now in front of Harry? Would he think Sirius just like his relatives?
“Bella has been helping me give her another perspective. They duel on Wednesdays and Saturdays. She has been helping Dora find some more varied interests, such as runes. So, I am hoping she will start to see other alternatives to being a target dummy for the Ministry.”
“That’s what you said about me joining up, wasn’t it?” Sirius snorted a bit, hearing a familiar phrase.
“And look how right I was. Moody didn’t do anything either, if I recall.” Andi snorted back and put the final vial in his hands. “Sirius, I can honestly and truthfully tell you that Bella and Cissa, they are changed. I know you cannot forgive them yet. I know you cannot trust them. You remember them just as you did when you went into Azkaban. But surely you can see I too have changed. Motherhood does things to you that one can never really truly describe.”
“Bella…” Sirius snapped to attention on that assurance and locked eyes with Andi. She would tell him the truth. “Bella said I had a son. That she… she took him as her own. It can’t be right Andi. I…I was so careful.”
The woman knelt in front of him and sighed sadly. Her hands gripped his empty hand and she looked up with those chocolate eyes full of love and understanding.
“Yes Sirius. She blood adopted him. Walburga asked her to.”
“Mother would have never recognized a…”
“A last hope to keep the family name alive?” Andi asked quietly and he stopped, watching her for some tic of deceit. “I know how much you two hated one another, and I have been having verbal battles with her portrait on the daily. But she did see some sense in the end. She named your son heir and he is now Lord Presumptive. Bella is reagent.”
“Merlin, how bad was his mother if…”
“Bad. But Sirius, I want you to listen, okay? Bella has done such a wonderful job with him. I too had those thoughts when she first told me. But Sirius, he is a confident boy one who loves learning! He loves helping Cissa with the ritual days and bringing people together. He inherited that trick of yours, feeling magic and wards as you could.”
“He used that to exasperate Lucius daily, you know.” Cissa’s voice drifted from the doorway and Sirius turned his gaze over his shoulder, frowning a touch. How long had she been there? Didn’t Andi ask her to leave? “Oh, Lucius would reapply the wards on the library, even started delving deeper in his family tomes, but give the child enough time and Corvus would find his way around them.”
“Corvus.” Sirius whispered the name and Andi nodded to him when he looked to her for confirmation.
“Yes, Corvus Regulus Black.” Cissa reentered the room. Her casual dress was still finer than most things witches would wear to do healing in. Some twill and cotton blend with accents at the hips and a tighter fitting top. “He and my son Draco grew up together. Lucius and I did not want Bella to flounder so we hosted her and Corvus until, well now. Arcturus wished Corvus to take up the family home once he started Hogwarts and Bella and I have been working on it since.”
“I thought things looked cleaner.” Sirius looked around again, once again noticing the house did not seem like the dark, dank dungeon that it had in his youth.
“Oh, you must see the first floor Sirius.” Andi actually smiled excitedly and stood once more to float the empty vials to her sister. “It truly is a different house with some color and some more appropriate décor.”
“The elf heads are gone?” Sirius blinked at the hint and heard a huff of amusement from Cissa as she began her work again at her bag.
“It was the very first thing that Corvus said had to go. Granted, he was understanding to Kreacher’s feelings and allowed him to keep them in his room in the basement.” Cissa was explaining.
“Kreacher? The demented devil that’s older than all of us. Who would rather spit and snarl on the ground I walk on? That Kreacher let my son remove the honored elf heads?”
“What can I say, he’s quite the charmer.” Cissa smirked back wryly and closed up her bag. “I do wonder where he got that from.”
“Yes, indeed.” Andi agreed. “He’s a loyal, happy, curious child Sirius. Dora absolutely adores him and Draco both. Bella loves him deeply. She would do nothing to harm him and he is her son through and through. So do not worry for his well-being in the slightest Sirius. He is safe, he is healthy, and he is truly something else.”
“Oh yes, Little Master is so kind and so gentle.” Heddy, the house elf was cleaning up around him, popping in stealthily and causing them all to jump. “Even grouchy old Kreacher loves him. Kreacher won’t say so, but Kreacher does.”
Sirius could not help but gape at that admission. Kreacher was like his mother, hateful and spiteful and all around unpleasant. He was older than dirt, Sirius knew that since he’d served Arcturus and a few other lords before even him. The last one Kreacher had even been civil to was…
“Regulus.”
“Sirius?”
“I don’t know what to do Andi.” Sirius whimpered now fully confused again. Kreacher, a son, help from people who long since abandoned him, and no help from those who swore to be his family instead. “I can’t just forget…”
“Then don’t.” Andi brushed back his hair and nodded for him to lay back now that the elf had expertly changed everything out. “But learn from it.”
“Let us help you, Sirius.” Cissa murmured, pulling up the covers as he laid back and he furrowed his brows up at her. She merely smirked, pleased with herself and tucked him in like a bleeding toddler. “As we should have from the start.”
“And Bee?” Sirius wondered if one of those vials had sleeping potion in it, because he was again feeling rather exhausted. He’d done little to warrant the feeling, or at least it seemed.
“Bella’s been working at freeing you before your escape.” Cissa told him softly. “Rostov Gillenwater has been reviewing the case and the evidence for two years now.”
Sirius could not help the breath he drew in, the shock leaving him unable to process that statement. Bee had enlisted the family lawyer? For a few years now?
“That is the other thing you should know about your son, Sirius.” Cissa sat down in a tufted chair as Andi seemed to be packing up. “He is caring. He is kind. Unless you harm one of his, he will go to great lengths to find middle ground. Compromise. And we are following his lead. Bee most of all.”
“Bee followed you-know-who.”
“She did. She did.” Cissa was pulling out what looked to be an embroidery hoop. “And you followed Dumbledore.”
“Each of us were to some degree on one side or another.” Andi put a cloak over her shoulders and brushed back his hair again. “But we are family. We should come first. We forgot that, these past generations, but Bella is working on restoring the practice. Sleep Sirius. We’ll discuss what you want to do once you’re a bit more stable.”
“Yes, sleep cousin.” Cissa patted his arm which made him jump a little before blushing at the embarrassment of this all. “It is my turn to keep watch. I promise I won’t hex or curse you.”
“You’ll be back Andi?”
“Of course.” Andi nodded before moving away.
Sirius did not want her to go, but the tiredness and confusion were sapping any ability to protest. He let his eyes close, hoping the sleeping potion was a dreamless, as he had no desire to go back to wherever he’d been before waking this time.
“The family’s always been cursed. That’s what it’s always seemed like.” His mind floated hazily somewhere between sleep and wakefulness, too confused to fully cave into the potions. “Darkness, hate, nothing good ever came out of it…”
“Except perhaps your son.”
The thought was ridiculous at first. Surely the sisters were merely telling him what he wanted to hear. Though Andi wasn’t one for sugar coating things, so he doubted she had done much embellishment. A kid raised by Bella being as they described did not fit, and surely genetics didn’t play that big of a role in personality.
Andi herself was calm, relaxed, and it seemed no time at all had passed between herself and Cissa. She wanted him to meet her daughter, to take him back to her home to recover. They were all taking a monumental risk, even Cissa and Bella. They might have been on the dark side of things but they had remained free somehow.
If they were found with him in their homes, would they loose whatever protection they had brokered all those years ago? They both had children, eleven if they just started school this year.
His mind halted abruptly a heaviness coming on like a weight on his chest and he felt the dip into darkness once more. One last thought caressing his awareness before he fully allowed the healing potions and their effects to sweep him up in exhaustion. He hated that it was advice from the old Auror he thought had his back, but it was appropriate even now.
“Constant vigilance. Watch, wait for the façade to break. Find out if anyone from the old crowd even gave you a second thought.”