Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

• Get a real place to live in
• Stop sleeping in the bathtub (it’s not a tank, also Conner said sleeping in a tank wasn’t good)
• Buy a bed
• Open a bank account
• Find a way to make money (update, somehow I keep getting free money on my account?)
• Find Out what Wayne Enterprise is and why they keep sending me money
• Talk to more people
• Make friends
• Learn how to cook (in progress)
• Invite friends over for Hot Chocolate
• Buy more milk (Conner drank too much Hot Chocolate)
• Be a good brother
• Make sure both Jon and Conner agree you’re a good brother
• Learn about healthy relationships, romantic or otherwise
• Adopt a kitten
• Find name for a kitten
• buy more video games for when Jon comes to visit
• watch the movies Tim talked about with a Lord that has Rings for some reason
• Tell Bart you liked the soothing playlist he made to help you sleep
• Ask Superman to help you control your Super Strength better
• Repair the front door somehow
• Buy some plants
• Try out gardening on the balcony
• Watch that show with lots of dragons
• Take Jon and Damian to the pet shelter to help choose a kitten
• Dye My Hair
• Talk a bit more to Jaime about how to handle mind control trauma
• Rewatch Heartstopper (I liked that one, it was very informative on relationships)
• Buy some more clothes
• Try and not rip all my clothes accidently anymore
• Call Dick about trivia night
• Find out what kind of trivia you’re supposed to know for a trivia night
• ! Don’t forget your meditation exercises to control the super hearing!
• HAVE A GREAT DAY ! :) – Bart

Chapter Text

Did not birth me:

You had better explain yourself

Young man!

My literal child:

Oh boy

Who snitched

It was Kon wasn’t it

Did not birth me:

Of course it was!

This is why he’s my favorite

Tell Tim he’s dead to me btw

My literal child:

Everything is ok Walls I swear

And I WAS gonna tell you

In a few days

Once I’d taken care of stuff

Did not birth me:

We had a deal

You had to tell me everything

Going on with your Evil clone

My literal child:

I seem to remember the deal

Being I had to tell you

When something was a danger to me

Thad can’t be a danger when

He’s literally dying

Or was

I think he’s stable now

I hope so at least

Had to jump start his healing factor

Was not easy

Did not birth me:

Just tell me what happened

My literal child:

Long story short

Apparently Thad has been doing some

Soul searching since our last fight

Tried to defect

President Grandpa and Zoom

Did not like that

He got to me to desperately

Ask for help

But they found him before

He could explain

He saw them first

Aiming some new weapon at me

Acted on instinct

And managed to get hit instead

Did not birth me:

He

He saved your life?

My literal child:

Yup

You see why I couldn’t just let him die

I had to bring him to safety

And try to save him in turn

Did not birth me:

I do see, yes

Man this is a mess

My literal child:

Truly

Oh btw, since Kon wanna be a snitch

I’m sending him to you

With the weapon

You and Gramps can look into it

Did not birth me:

Yeah, if it’s something that can kill us

Easily we’d better understand it fast

Good thinking

My literal child:

You’ll tell me what you find out later

Right now I have to take care of Thad

Did not birth me:

Be careful

I know you want to believe he can change

But we need to tread with caution

My literal child:

Right now he’s unconscious

And he’s probably not going to

Regain strength for a few days

He’s really not healing fast

Did not birth me:

But he will make it right?

My literal child:

I think so?

I don’t know…

He does have a fever

Didn’t think that was possible for us

Did not birth me:

Damn…

I’m sorry Bartie, you must be stressed out

My literal child:

Yeah…

I just hope he didn’t finally

Come to the realization

He didn’t have to be my enemy

Just in time to die

That would be so cruel

Did not birth me:

Yeah…

I’m starting to think

 I should’ve tried harder with the boy

You were right

He didn’t have anyone

And I did nothing to change that

My literal child:

You couldn’t have done anything

He didn’t want our help

Neither mine nor yours

But if he does now

Maybe things can change

Did not birth me:

Maybe

But remember

My literal child:

Tread with caution

I know

Did not birth me:

I’ll come by later today

After talking with Barry

About the weapon

My literal child:

Alright, see you later

<><><><><><><><><><><><><> 

Group Chat (Powerpuff Girls)

Buttercup:

Just gave the weapon to Wally

Can I come home now

 Or are you still mad Bartie

Bubbles:

Why don’t you come and

Find out? :)

Blossom:

He said and I quote

“I’m gonna make him wish

I had kryptonite”

Buttercup:

That bad huh

Damn it you must look so hot

Right now

Blossom:

Lmao almost forgot

About your anger kink

Bubbles:

See if I even so much as brush

You this week you traitor

Buttercup:

I’m sorry baby

I just panicked

Plus you did tell me I had to deal

With your evil clone if he ever appeared

Bubbles:

He was DYING

He wasn’t in any capacity to hurt me

Buttercup:

Never said I acted rationally

But to be fair

At first I was just thinking

Of smothering him with

A pillow

Calling Wally was me being reasonable

Blossom:

Your Luthor is showing

Bubbles:

You do realize he saved my life right?

Buttercup:

I mean now I know that

But also since he tried to kill you like

5 times

That I know of

Bubbles:

13 actually, but who’s counting

Blossom:        

Damn he’s dedicated

Jay gave up after the third time

Buttercup:

If at first you don’t succeed

Bubbles:

The point is

If he wanted to kill me now

He could have just let me get hit

Also before you say anything

No I don’t think he’s tricking me

And no I’m not being naïve

He came to me because he had

Nowhere else to go

I could see it

You can’t fake desperation like this

That well

Blossom:

We trust your judgement

Don’t we Conner?

Buttercup:

Yes of course

Doesn’t mean I like him

Bubbles:

You said that about Jason

And look at you now

Buttercup:

I still don’t like him

Blossom:

You’re literally besties

You drink beer with him

Alcohol doesn’t even have an effect on you

Buttercup:

Who says I’m not only doing that

for your sake

Or for Jaime’s

Bubbles:

I mean the picture of the two of you

Laughing together In the living room

Next to all the Bruce hugging his

Sons pictures is a pretty good indication

Buttercup:

Still can’t believe you framed

That one

Blossom:

It’s a cute picture

Plus there’s also one of

Bartie with Cole at the fair

With cotton candy

And me, Jonnie and Dami playing

Video games

It’s only fair

Bubbles:

It’s ok to have a favorite brother in law

Buttercup:

Mine is definitely not Jason

Or Damian

Blossom:

Is it Dick then?

Buttercup:

No he’s annoying

Bubbles:

That only leaves Thad

Buttercup:

…

Fine maybe Jason is my favorite

Blossom:

Got the screenshot

Buttercup:

…

Please don’t send it to him

Blossom:

Too late

Bubbles:

Hah! Serves you right!

Buttercup:

My life is suffering

Bubbles:

Deserved

You can come back btw

Just be nice

Thad is still unconscious rn

But I think he might wake up

Any time soon

And he’s probably going to be in

Great pain

The fever only started to drop

But he’s still pale and sweaty

Blossom:

Not to mention

He randomly starts screaming

Every ten minutes

Buttercup:

What the hell was that weapon

Bubbles:

Something terrible…

And I’m pretty sure he knew

What the effects would be

Blossom:

So he willingly  and knowingly

inflicted himself this

Agonizing possible death

To save you?

Bubbles:

Seems like it…

Buttercup:

Yeah I don’t think even he would

Risk that just to trick you

Bubbles:

Told you

I just want to understand

Why now?

What happened?

What made him change his mind?

Blossom:        

He hadn’t tried anything in a few years

Maybe he took time to reflect

Who knows what he went

Through in the meantime

Buttercup:

I guess we can ask him

Once he wakes up

What are we going to do with him anyway?

Bubbles:

I don’t know…

He’s clearly in danger alone

Buttercup:

You want him to stay

Here a while don’t you

Bubbles:

We don’t have to…

I know it’s a lot to ask

I can find him some place to stay

Blossom:

But you don’t want to

You want to take care of him

Because you feel guilty

That when you got here

You got a chance and he didn’t

Buttercup:

It’s not your fault love

Bubbles:

Doesn’t mean it’s fair

Blossom:

Yeah, it isn’t

We’ll keep him here if it makes you feel better

Buttercup:

Agreed

Bubbles:

Are you sure?

Buttercup:

We want you happy

If having the little shit here for a while

Helps soothe you then of course

Plus we can keep an eye

On him that way

Make sure that change of heart sticks

But if he tries anything

Bubbles:

You’ll deck him straight in the face

I know

My big buff strong protective boyfriend

Blossom:

Oh we flirting now?

Buttercup:

Apparently so

I’m not complaining

Blossom:

I feel excluded

Bubbles:

You’re not,

My smart ruthless charming sexy boyfriend

Blossom:

Now I feel better

Buttercup:

He really does have us in

The palm of his hand huh

Bubbles:

Not my fault praising you guys

Makes you docile

And eager to please

Blossom:

Guilty

Buttercup:

Doesn’t work on you though

The only thing that happens

When we praise you

Is that you get embarrassed

Bubbles:

I always did say I can’t take

Compliments from cute boys

I got better though

I almost never blush anymore

When you call me pretty

Blossom:

Almost

Buttercup:

We don’t want shy Bartie

To completely disappear anyway

Bubbles:

I’ll keep that in mind

Now hurry up and get home

I’m hungry and

Timmy managed to burn the frozen pizza

Blossom:

It’s the oven’s fault I swear

Buttercup:

I’ll come cook for you babes

Don’t worry

Chapter Text

Fast And Furious:

What are you and your

Little friends up to?

Spare Parts:

Oh hey Thad

What do you mean?

Fast And Furious:

They won’t let me leave

Spare Parts:

Dude, you’re not even

Properly healed yet

Of course you can’t leave

Fast And Furious:

What’s it to you anyway?

Spare Parts:

You came to me for help didn’t you

Fast And Furious:

In a rare moment of weakness

Don’t know what I was thinking

It doesn’t matter now

Spare Parts:

It does to me

You needed help and you came to me

So now I get to help you

Fast And Furious:

And your friends are ok with it?

I thought they wanted me dead

Spare Parts:

I’m not sure they don’t anymore

Especially Kon

But they know it matters to me

And they support me

Fast And Furious:

What’s your plan then

Keeping me locked up here forever?

Spare Parts:

No, my plan is to have you heal

Then you can tell me more about

What made you change your mind

After all these years

Fast And Furious:

Who says I have?

Spare Parts:

The fact you saved my life

By nearly sacrificing yours

Fast And Furious:

Again, don’t know what I was thinking

Spare Parts:

Can we not do this?

Fast And Furious:

Do what

Spare Parts:

This dance

The whole thing where

You pretend not to care when you do

Fast And Furious:

Why would I care

I’ve always hated you

Spare Parts:

You didn’t say you hated me now

Fast And Furious:

Didn't I?

Spare Parts:

God you’re exhausting

Listen Thaddeus

I don’t know what’s

Been going on with you

But it’s clear something changed

And you reevaluated.

Can we get this over with

And get to what happened?

Fast And Furious:

… I won

That’s what happened

Spare Parts:

What do you mean?

Fast And Furious:

I… made a deal

With some powerful entity

I had them rewrite time for me

I had them help me win

I killed you

Spare Parts:

…well damn

Congrats I guess?

Doesn’t explain how we got

Here.

Fast And Furious:

You were dead

And I thought

I thought it would fix everything

I thought I would feel good

Once you were gone

But I just felt empty

Like nothing even

 mattered anymore

And worst of all

I missed you

Spare Parts:

Oh…

Fast And Furious:

I realized that

In all my life

You were the only person

That had ever mattered

That hatred I had for you

That was the only emotion

I had

And without it I was nothing

Without you I was nothing

I was being tracked by the whole world for what I did to you

And honestly I deserved it

All I wanted was to undo what I had done

I wanted to get you back

Spare Parts:

And you did

How

Fast And Furious:

I tore through time and space

Made a whole mess

I probably spent hundreds of years

Stuck in the speed force

Trying to find a way to undo what I did

And I finally managed it

Spare Parts:

Lord almighty…

Fast And Furious:

Yeah

After that I thought

Everything could go back to normal

I could keep on ruining

Your life occasionally

But I would never cross the line again

I would never kill you again

But…

Even just messing with you didn’t seem worth it anymore

I didn’t feel like fighting you anymore

As you can see Grandpa and Zoom weren’t pleased

About my change of heart

And with what I’ve done to the timeline

I’m pretty much fried on the power front

So I can’t really escape them easily

I can barely run

at the speed of sound

These days

Spare Parts:

I see…

Fast And Furious:

I’m sorry, Bart.

It probably doesn’t mean

A lot now

But I am.

I never got it until now

But you were never my enemy

I was

I was the only thing

Preventing me from being

What I wanted to be

I still am

Spare Parts:

I

I can’t tell you what you did

Was ok

But technically it hasn’t

Happened to me and never

Will

So I forgive you

You’ve repented well enough

And now you need healing

And I’m not only talking

Physically

I’d like to help

Fast And Furious:

After all I’ve told you?

You still think I deserve your help?

Spare Parts:

Maybe you don’t

But it doesn’t really matter

Because I’ve decided to give

It to you anyway

I’d like you to stay here

While you recover

Then we can talk about

Finding you a place to stay

Not far from here

Fast And Furious:

I don’t really have a choice

I have nowhere else to go

Spare Parts:

Yeah, I figured

You’re gonna need

a lot of therapy

That’s non negotiable

Fast And Furious:

Seriously?

Spare Parts:

Yes seriously

Fast And Furious:

Ugh fine I guess

Spare Parts:

Also at some point you’re

Gonna have to talk to the fam

Fast And Furious:

They’re your family not mine

I’m just a clone

Spare Parts:

You're my brother

It doesn’t matter

How you got created

Besides, you’re not

The first clone we’ve dealt with

My boyfriend is a clone

Fast And Furious:

Boyfriend?

Spare Parts:

Yeah. Kon

Superboy

Fast And Furious:

You're

You’re dating the Kryptonian?

You’re dating a man?

Spare Parts:

Actually I’m dating two men

I’m also dating Tim

Fast And Furious:

….

I see

I guess it explains  why you’re

 living together

But I never thought you’d um

Spare Parts:

That I’d like men?

Fast And Furious:

…something like that

Spare Parts:

Does it bother you?

Fast And Furious:

Not at all

It’s just

Spare Parts:

Yes?

Fast And Furious:

…. Grandpa never really was one to

Take kindly to that type of…

Deviance

Sorry for the term but that’s what he used

Spare Parts:

I see

Fast And Furious:

Yeah…

He used to tell me

Well

He used to say I must be a defective clone

Because I

Spare Parts:

Take your time

Fast And Furious:

Sorry

I just

Maybe I’ve had…

Thoughts

About other men

In the past

Spare Parts:

That's perfectly fine Thad

Fast And Furious:

You think so?

Spare Parts:

I know so

The last thing my gay ass can do

Is judge you on that.

Never apologize for living your truth

I mean unless your truth includes hurting and

Killing people

Then maybe you should reevaluate your truth

Fast And Furious:

Fair enough

I guess for a long time

I’ve been…

Afraid, of my inclinations

I thought it was just

 a side effect of me being broken

But you’re pretty sane

And whole

And you seem happy

Spare Parts:

I am

I’m happy, and I have a good life

And that’s what I want for you

What I’ve always wanted

You have a long way to go

But I’ll be next to you for every step

Fast And Furious:

I… have a lot to think about

But

Thank you, Bart

I will try to be better

Maybe one day, we can repair things

Spare Parts:

I’m sure we will

I’ll be back in an hour or two

In the meantime, if you need

Anything, just ask Tim

I’d say ask Kon but he’s incapable of being neutral

And tactful.

Fast And Furious:

Yeah he’s been threatening me with

A slow agonizing death since I woke up

Spare Parts:

He’ll come around

He has with Jason

Fast And Furious:

Who’s Jason

Spare Parts:

Oh, just Timmy’s ex Evil Brother

We all have one of those

But you’re probably the worst of the three

Congrats btw

Fast And Furious:

I’ll take that as a compliment

I think I’m going to take another nap

Spare Parts:

You do that

See you when I get back

Chapter Text

Cole:

Conner, you need to come

To my apartment as soon as possible.

Conner Kent (Brother):

Oh God what’s happening

Are you hurt?

Was it Luthor?

Is it Kryptonite?

Are you dying?

Cole:

No?

Conner Kent (Brother):

You sound hesitant

Why do you sound hesitant

Tell me who hurt you Colie

I’ll kill them

Cole:

I'm not hesitant.

I am perfectly fine.

Sorry for worrying you.

How soon can you come?

Conner Kent (Brother):

I can be there in less than ten

Minutes if it’s an emergency

Is it an emergency?

Cole:

Yes.

You need to meet Candle.

Conner Kent (Brother):

…ok who the fuck is Candle

Cole:

My kitten

I just adopted her

Jon and Damian helped choose her

Conner Kent (Brother):

….

So

You made me panic

And think you were in danger

Because of a kitten

Cole:

she's really important to me.

she is so tiny and adorable.

You need to meet her.

I think it constitutes an emergency.

Conner Kent (Brother) :

I mean…

Fair enough

Alright I’ll drop by

But I can’t stay too long

Cole:

Why not?

Conner Kent (Brother) :

I have to keep an eye on

Bartie's evil twin

Make sure he doesn’t try anything

Cole:

Bart has an evil twin?

Conner Kent (Brother):

Clone actually

But same difference

Cole:

There are a lot of clones.

Someone should probably do something

About that.

Conner Kent (Brother):

Yeah probably

Anyway this one is on another level

He’s been hell-bent on destroying

Bart since birth

And now apparently he’s turned over

A new leaf and we have to give him

The benefit of the doubt

I’m not thrilled about that.

Cole:

Maybe he really did change.

I did.

Conner Kent (Brother):

This is a completely different

Situation.

You were being mind controlled

You didn’t have any agency for years

You didn't plan cold-blooded

Assassination attempts every 6 months

Cole:

Maybe so.

But maybe you should

Talk to him like Bart talked to me

Try and understand his motives.

Conner Kent (Brother):

He’s a psychotic

Little shit how’s that

For motives

Cole:

Conner.

Conner Kent (Brother):

Yeah yeah I know

I will make an effort

Don’t have a choice anyway

The bastard is crashing at our

Place until further notice

Cole:

I see

I’m sure everything will

Be fine eventually

Conner Kent (Brother):

I hope you’re right

Anyway I’ll come and see

My new niece now

Why Candle btw?

Cole:

Cause they make fire also

Jon voted for Sunny

But I didn’t think it suited her

Conner Kent (Brother):

Candle is great

Cole:

When you get there

You can help me choose what color

I dye my hair.

Conner Kent (Brother):

I’m sorry what

Cole:

I wanted a change

Plus that way I won’t get mistaken

For you anymore

Conner Kent (Brother):

Does that bother you?

Cole:

Maybe a little.

I like being your twin.

But now that I’ve started

Actually understanding

Who I was

I want to be seen as me

And no one else.

I hope it’s ok.

Conner Kent (Brother):

Of course it is Colie

It’s perfectly understandable

Also I’m really proud of you

Haven’t said it in a while

But I am

Cole:

Thanks Kon.

Conner Kent (Brother):

OH MY GOD

YOU CALLED ME KON

Cole:

Should I not have?

Conner Kent (Brother):

YES YOU TOTALLY SHOULD HAVE

OH MY GOD I LOVE YOU SO MUCH

LIL BRO

Cole:

I’m still older than you Kon

Kon (Brother):

Just cause you called me Kon

I’ll let it slide for once

Aight Colie see you in a minute

Cole:

See you

<><><><><><><><><><><><><> 

Group Chat (Powerpuff Girls)

Buttercup:

We’re getting a pet

Bubbles:

Oh we are?

Blossom:

Damn so authoritative

Whatever you say Daddy

Buttercup:

Don’t start Timothy

Also yes, we are getting one

You get to decide what kind

Blossom:

I take it Candle is cute then

Bubbles:

Who’s Candle?

Buttercup:

She’s so precious

I want to steal her

But Cole would murder me

For real this time

And I wouldn’t blame him

Bubbles:

Again, I have no idea

what we’re talking about

Buttercup:

Cole adopted a kitten

I'm guessing Damian spammed

The Robin GC with pictures

Blossom:

You bet he did

This kid and pets I swear

Bubbles:

I feel left out

I need more brothers

Then I’ll make a GC with them

Thad isn’t enough

I’m gonna clone him

Buttercup:

Please don’t

One is enough

What’s he doing btw

Is he behaving?

Bubbles:

He’s playing chess with Tim

And winning

Timmy’s pouting

Blossom:        

He’s cheating I’m sure

Buttercup:

Poor Timmy

He really isn’t doing anything

Suspicious then

Bubbles:

I’m telling you, there is no

Ulterior motives

He is still a huge brat

And I’m not sure he doesn’t

Still have murder tendencies

But he’s trying

Blossom:

Bartie’s right

He’s an asshole

But considering Jason’s

My brother I can’t judge him

On that

Even though every time he smirks

At me when I move a piece I feel

Like  I’m about to die

Buttercup:

Ugh

I guess I’m gonna have to accept

That I won’t be able to punch him

Anytime soon

Why can’t I ever punch

The brothers that actively tried to kill you

Bubbles:

You can punch my Grandpa if you’d like

Buttercup:

Yeah I guess

Right now I don’t feel like punching anyway

Too busy giving my new niece scratches

Blossom:

You big softie

Bubbles:

For the record I do want a pet also

Or two

Or 10

Buttercup:

As many as you want my love

Blossom:

Yeaaah how about we start

With one?

Bubbles:

Killjoy

I say we get puppies

Buttercup:

Yeah puppies!

Blossom:

We’ll get A PUPPY

Buttercup:

But what if they’re a bonded pair

What will we do then?

We can’t separate them

Bubbles:

Kon’s right you know

Blossom:

Ok maybe two puppies

But that’s it alright?

Buttercup:

Then again there’s three of us

What’s gonna happen

When two of us get to cuddle

The pups and the third one is left alone?

Bubbles:

It’s important to consider

Blossom:

Why are you like this

Buttercup:

Hey, it’s not like we lack the space

Especially since we moved last month

Bubbles:

It’s true

Thanks Kon’s back child support

Blossom:

I can’t believe you didn't let me

Get us a nicer place for years

And just cause Kon gets

A butt load of money he gets to

Buy a freaking villa

Buttercup:

You’re the one who calls me Daddy

I had to live up to the title

Bubbles:

If you want you can be my Daddy Timmy

Blossom:

Boy don’t play with me right now

I’m trying to win this match

Bubbles:

I'm just saying if you want to buy me

Nice stuff and call me baby girl you can

Buttercup:

Evil Bart is back

And he’s damn sexy

Bubbles:

:D

Blossom:        

If I lose there will be consequences

Buttercup:

Just say you’ll let him have

As many puppies as he likes

And he’ll leave you alone

Bubbles:

Yeah like he said

Blossom:

Both of you are demons

Sent on Earth to tempt me

Fine get as many damned puppies as you want

Now stop looking at me like that Bart

I can’t get hard in front of your brother

Buttercup:

Also don’t get freaky when

 I’m not here to witness it

Bubbles:

As if you don’t jump Tim

Twice a week while I’m gone

At least

Blossom:

He’s got a point

But then again he does the same

To you when I’m gone

Buttercup:

I never hear either of you complaining

I’m just making sure you’re always satisfied

Bubbles:

We thank you for your service

Now go find me my puppies instead

Of being a horndog

Buttercup:

On it baby

Have fun torturing Tim

Bubbles:

Thanks I will

Blossom:

I want a divorce

Chapter Text

Bichito:           

Jason

What did I say about

messing with my phone

Future Hubby:

I don’t know what you mean

Bichito:           

Oh yeah?

Riddle me this then

Why are you now called

“future hubby” in my phone?

Future Hubby:

Cause it’s true

Bichito:           

If that’s your way of proposing

Future Hubby:

Are you kidding?

Brucie would have my head

If I didn’t give you a proper proposal

You know he loves you more than

He loves me

Bichito:           

Fair enough

In any case

Stop messing with my phone

You don’t see me

Messing with yours

Future Hubby:

Sounds like a you problem

Plus I bet you smiled

Bichito:           

Shut up

Now go away

I’m working

Future Hubby:

First of all you’re the one

Who texted

Second, I miss

When you were on

Indefinite leave

Ever since you started

Superheroeing again

I barely get to see you

Bichito:           

Should’ve thought about that

before you hid the Reach’s return

From me

Future Hubby:

I’m still sorry about that

Bichito:           

I know Tesoro

I’m not mad anymore

I mean almost

Future Hubby:

You do know how to hold a grudge

Bichito:           

Look who’s talking

Future Hubby:

Touché

I do miss you though

Bichito:           

I know

I miss you too

But we’re getting close

Also Tim threatened

To bench me if I didn’t take

A break this week-end

Future Hubby:

Timmy’s a real bro

This is why he’s my favorite

Bichito:           

Of course

So you’re getting

Me all to yourself all

Week-end

Future Hubby:

For real?

Bichito:           

Yes my love

For real

Future Hubby:

In that case

Let’s get out of town

Let’s steal one of Brucie’s cars

And go on a road trip

Bichito:           

You know we could just

Ask him for the car

Future Hubby:

Where’s the fun in that?

Bichito:           

I guess that’s fair

We’ll do whatever you

Want baby

Future Hubby:

You're so sweet today

For zero reason

Am I dying?

Bichito:           

I sure hope not

And can’t I be nice to you

Without a reason?

Future Hubby:

I mean technically you can yes

But usually you

Like to pretend I’m annoying

Bichito:           

I never pretend

You are annoying

But I love how annoying you are

I love you

Future Hubby:

Aww babe

I love you too

We haven’t said it in a while

Have we?

Bichito:           

You noticed too then

We really should say it

More often

Especially with the way

Our lives are

Future Hubby:

Agreed

But we’re ok right?

Bichito:           

Yeah of course we are

Were you doubting that?

Future Hubby:

I don’t know

I guess a little

It’s nothing you’ve done even

I mean sure we have been

Having a hard time spending

Time together these days

But it’s not the first time

I guess it’s because

In the beginning of our relationship

I was the one always gone

And you were the one waiting

At home for me to come by

I never realized how difficult

It must have been

To wait for me and not even know

 if I would come back

Bichito:           

It wasn’t a walk in the park

That’s for sure

But I coped pretty well

Besides you were good

At keeping me in the loop

Until the Reach that is

Future Hubby:

Yeah…

But now that the roles

Are reversed more often

Than not

I guess I realize

That I’m not good

At being a stay at home boyfriend

When I’m not out on patrol or mission

I just spend my days worrying

About your safety most times

But sometimes I just get

Insecure about a lot of stuff

And I always manage to

Convince myself

You’re about to break up

With me

I don’t know what’s wrong with me

Bichito:           

It’s called anxiety Tesoro

But let me make one thing clear

I do not want to break up with you

I don’t take our relationship lightly

It’s been more than two years now

And we went through so much

We’ve crushed every obstacles

In our path

And I could not love you more

I mean I could try but I would probably

Explode

I’m happy. I'm content

And more importantly I’m safe with you

So you have nothing to fear

I'm never leaving you

Future Hubby:

Even if that bastard

From your show asks you to?

Bichito:           

Baby that’s a fictional character

Plus don’t pretend you don’t know

Buck’s name

You’ve watched every episode

Of 911 with me

Future Hubby:

He’s not even that hot

Just cause he’s a firefighter

I could be a firefighter

Bichito:           

Maybe if you didn't

Like starting fires

more than stopping them

Future Hubby:

Fine

I could dress as a firefighter then

Bichito:           

Jason

I swear to God

Don’t do this to me right now

Future Hubby:

Do what exactly?

Bichito:           

You know exactly what!

I’m with the team!

Your brother will NEVER let

Me live it down if he realizes!

Future Hubby:

So it really IS the uniform then

Bichito:           

No it's not the Uniform

It’s YOU in the uniform

Fuck you for making me

Imagine it right now

Future Hubby:

I mean you can if you want

Bichito:           

STOP

Future Hubby:

Here's the deal

I might have been thinking

About that particular

Scenario for a while

It’s entirely possible

That I already have

A very realistic Firefighter

Uniform on hand

It’s even more likely

That I might be wearing it

As we speak

So the question is

Wanna rip it off of me?

Bichito:           

…

Future Hubby:

It’s a simple yes or no

Question

Bichito:           

Why are you doing this

To me

Future Hubby:

You mean fulfilling

Your fantasies?

I’m just being a good

Boyfriend is all

Bichito:           

Jason

Future Hubby:

Just say the word baby

You know you want to

Bichito:           

…

You get to explain

Why to Timmy

Future Hubby:

Of course love

Bichito:           

And you better

Not be lying about that uniform

Future Hubby:

Come and find out

<><><><><><><><><><><><><> 

Hobbit:           

Explain yourself asshole

Asshole:

What did Jaime tell you

Hobbit:           

Just that he had a fire to put

Out

Also that you were gonna

 kill him one day

What did you do to my Blue

Asshole:

Not yours

Hobbit:           

I knew him first

Asshole:

Only cause I was DEAD

Besides you have enough

Boyfriends as it is

This one is all mine

Hobbit:           

Anyone ever told you

You were a possessive son of

A bitch?

Asshole:

Couldn’t care less

Fyi Jaime’s taking the day off

Hobbit:           

Again, why

Asshole:

Hey, remember when I caught you

And Bart in the Batmobile?

Hobbit:           

…

Asshole:

Exactly

Now you shut your mouth

And go back to work

Hobbit:           

Well played

Don’t get me wrong

I’m going to get revenge

But well played

Asshole:

‘Til we meet again Tiny

Chapter Text

Dami <3:

Why are our brothers like this

Jonnie <3 (if you take the heart off I’m breaking up with you):

What is it this time

And which brothers

We got so many of those

It’s getting confusing

Dami <3:

Drake and Conner

And Bartholomew by proxy

Jonnie <3 (if you take the heart off I’m breaking up with you):

Ah.

What’s wrong

Dami <3:

Did you know they let Bartholomew’s

Evil clone crash at their place?

Jonnie <3 (if you take the heart off I’m breaking up with you):

Oh yeah I heard about that

Kon wasn’t pleased at first

Dami <3:

Can’t believe I’m saying this

But I agree with him

Jonnie <3 (if you take the heart off I’m breaking up with you):

Dami chill

They got things under control

Dami <3:

No they don’t

Any moment now

We’re about to learn they were all

murdered in their sleep

Jonnie <3 (if you take the heart off I’m breaking up with you):

You’re so cute when you worry

Dami <3:

I do not worry

I just think they’re dumb

Jonnie <3 (if you take the heart off I’m breaking up with you):

Sure

Dami <3:

How can they even trust him?

Jonnie <3 (if you take the heart off I’m breaking up with you):

Maybe they know something we don’t

Why don’t you ask them instead

Of picturing

All the gruesome ways in which

They’re going to get slaughtered?

Dami <3:

I just finished remembering

How many ways there are to behead someone

Jonnie <3 (if you take the heart off I’m breaking up with you):

Yeah that’s not healthy babe

Look it’s normal that you’re worried

I am a little bit too

And so is everyone tbh

But it’s what we do don’t we

We give second chances

We try out redemption

It doesn’t work everytime

But there’s been a pretty good track record

Wouldn’t you think?

I mean, Jason, Cole

Dami <3:

Both of them had extenuated circumstances

Todd died and was resurrected by the

Lazarus Pit giving him Bloodlust

Cole is an innocent bean that didn’t deserve

What happened to him

Jonnie <3 (if you take the heart off I’m breaking up with you):

Both of them tried to kill our other

Brother at some point

Dami <3:

To be fair to Todd

Drake deserves it sometimes

I mean I tried that too

Jonnie <3 (if you take the heart off I’m breaking up with you):

My point exactly

Dami <3:

Alright so maybe there is a pattern

I still don’t trust the guy

Jonnie <3 (if you take the heart off I’m breaking up with you):

And nobody says you have to

You can’t trust someone you don’t know

Try and get to know him maybe

Then decide if we kill him or not

Dami <3:

We?

Jonnie <3 (if you take the heart off I’m breaking up with you):

I’m not letting you commit homicide

On your own

Also I have a brother involved just as much as you

If that Thaddeus chap does anything to hurt him

Or Bartie and Timmy

I’ll punch a hole in his chest

Dami <3:

Is it bad that I think it’s hot

When you get violent?

Jonnie <3 (if you take the heart off I’m breaking up with you):

I won’t tell if you don’t

Anyway let’s keep an eye on things

Visit them more often

And make sure we’re not the only ones

On high alert

Dami <3:

Yeah

I know Grayson and West

Are looking out for any

Potential dangers as well

At least there’s that

I just wish for once my brothers stopped being dumb

And putting themselves

In potentially dangerous situations

I can’t keep baby sitting them

Jonnie <3 (if you take the heart off I’m breaking up with you):

You’re adorable

Dami <3:

Stop

Jonnie <3 (if you take the heart off I’m breaking up with you):

You are though!

Dami <3:

Yeah but you can’t say that

If anyone learned my reputation

Would be ruined

Jonnie <3 (if you take the heart off I’m breaking up with you):

Baby everyone already knows

Sorry to inform you

Dami <3:

Let me live in denial

Jonnie <3 (if you take the heart off I’m breaking up with you):

As you wish

Hey wanna go out this afternoon?

Dami <3:

Yeah sure

What do you want to do?

Jonnie <3 (if you take the heart off I’m breaking up with you):

Take Titus and Krypto to the park and make out?

Dami <3:

Oh so the usual

I’m down

Jonnie <3 (if you take the heart off I’m breaking up with you):

You always are

See you soon <3

Dami <3:

<3

<><><><><><><><><><><><><> 

Murder Baby:

I’m coming by tomorrow

To vet your new roommate

I’m bringing Jon also

Future Murder Victim:

Um

Ok?

Why

Murder Baby:

Because you’re an idiot who’s gonna get yourself

Killed one day

And no one gets to kill you but me

Future Murder Victim:

I mean you’ll have to talk to Jay about that

But fair enough

Murder Baby:

Todd had his chance and squandered it

Now he’s too soft

I get to be the Cain to your Abel

Future Murder Victim:

You’re so cute

Murder Baby:

Why does everyone keep saying that

Future Murder Victim:

Cause you are

Stop worrying btw you doofus

Murder Baby:

I’m not worried!

Future Murder Victim:

You are

But I can take care of myself

And so can Bartie and Kon

Besides Thad is very not in condition

To be a threat to any of us

He can barely run

And when he has the energy he doesn’t event reach

Past the speed of sound

Murder Baby:

Hm

Noted

Future Murder Victim:

You can still come and check for youself

And threaten him a little

It’s your right as my favorite brother

Murder Baby:

Don’t joke

We all know Grayson’s your favorite

Future Murder Victim:

Today it’s you

Just embrace it

Murder Baby:

Shut up

…

If you’re ever in danger

You’ll tell me right?

Future Murder Victim:

I’m fine Dami I told you

Murder Baby:

Just promise me

If you ever need help

Don’t dismiss me because I’m younger

Cause first of all I’m 17 now

And second

You’re my brother

And I love you

And I’ll be damned if I ever

Let anything happen to you

If anyone tries to mess with you

I will show them why

I used to be called the Demon

Future Murder Victim:

I love you too Babybird

And I promise I’ll tell you if

I’m ever in need

Are you satisfied now?

Will you stop stressing out?

Murder Baby:

Maybe after tomorrow

For now I’ll keep being vigilant

Future Murder Victim:

You’re too precious

Really I think you’ll get along with Thad

He’s such a brat

You have so much in common

Murder Baby:

Oh fuck off

Just for that I’ll let him cut you into pieces

And put you in a blender

Future Murder Victim:

You have a very active imagination

Murder Baby:

So I’ve been told

Jon thinks I should channel it

Into art

He suggested slam poetry

Honestly I sometimes wonder

Where he gets those ideas from

Future Murder Victim:

He’s such a crackhead I love him

Murder Baby:

Back off

Stay in your lane you perv

Future Murder Victim:

You and Jay are the same person I swear

So possessive and jealous

Murder Baby:

I’m nothing like him

Future Murder Victim:

Whatever helps you sleep at night

Anyway see you tomorrow lil bro

Don’t freak out too much in the meantime

Murder Baby:

Whatever

Don’t forget to set

All your alarms before going to sleep

Stupid idiot

Chapter Text

Lil Cousin That Might Still Want Me Dead:

Hi Wallace

I um

I don’t really know how to say it

I guess

Thank you, for the package

West:

You’re welcome

You liked it then?

Lil Cousin That Might Still Want Me Dead:

I… did

I never really

I never really understood what a family was

Or what it was supposed to be

But the pictures, keepsakes

And all the writing you did

I think I understand now

Why it’s so important

Why you all fight to protect it

And…

I’m sorry

For trying to ruin that for so long

West:

You know, I always thought

I would hold a grudge against you forever

But really, you only turned out the way you did

Because we failed you

All of us

Me, in this time and the last, in particular

I’m not saying everything will be ok instantly

But I’m willing to work past this if you are

Because no one deserves to grow up unloved

Lil Cousin That Might Still Want Me Dead:

I…

I’m done with fighting

I’m done with being angry all the time

With wanting to see the world burn

I just

I never thought there was any other options

But if there is

Well

I would like to take them

West:

Then that’s settled

From today on, you are a part of

The family

And we will heal together

It’s not going to be easy

And we will probably have a lot of hard

Conversations in the near future

But we will get through this

Lil Cousin That Probably Doesn’t Still Want Me Dead:

I hope you’re right…

Wally:

How are you holding up

Everything must be pretty difficult

Lil Cousin That Probably Doesn’t Still Want Me Dead:

It’s… strange

Most people react with mistrust, which I

Had anticipated

It doesn’t really bother me, I know I deserve it

Bartie’s really trying though

He really thinks I deserve to be saved…

Wally:

He never gave up hope

Even when everyone told him you couldn’t be

Reasoned with

I notice you’re calling him Bartie now

Lil Cousin That Probably Doesn’t Still Want Me Dead:

Oh

Yeah

Sometimes it slips out

Wally:

Cute

How’s cohabitating with him

Tim and Kon?

Lil Cousin That Probably Doesn’t Still Want Me Dead:

It’s ok

It’s… nice, almost

Conner’s stopped telling me he will rip my head

From my body with his bare hands

He says hi to me in the morning now

And Tim is cool

Still insists I cheat at chess

But other than that pretty chill

Wally:

Well, they’re starting to trust you then

and you’re about to become Kon’s favorite

Lil Cousin That Probably Doesn’t Still Want Me Dead:

I wouldn’t go that far

Wally:

Trust me, I know the pattern

It’s how it happened with Jason

Lil Cousin That Probably Doesn’t Still Want Me Dead:

Ah yes, the infamous Jason

The Evil Brother

I keep hearing about him

Wally:

You haven’t met him yet?

Funny

I thought he’d have gone berserk on you already

Damian came to threaten you didn’t he?

Lil Cousin That Probably Doesn’t Still Want Me Dead:

He did yeah

He’s so cute

Wally:

He probably hates that everyone finds him cute these days

Anyway

Jay didn’t come?

Lil Cousin That Probably Doesn’t Still Want Me Dead:

Nope

Never met him

Wally:

Strange

Then again he was in your shoes once

Maybe he feels like he can’t judge you

Lil Cousin That Probably Doesn’t Still Want Me Dead:

From what I heard he seems to have

Better excuses for his actions than I do

Wally:

Hm, everything is relative

Anyway you’re bound to meet him

At some point

He and Timmy pretend they are mortal enemies

When actually they’d die for each other

Time and time again

They’re adorable

The Robins are all adorable

Lil Cousin That Probably Doesn’t Still Want Me Dead:

You might be a little biased

Wally:

I’m very objective

I married Dickie because he’s literally

The greatest man on Earth, no contest

I made a great decision based on facts

And data

Lil Cousin That Probably Doesn’t Still Want Me Dead:

If you say so

He is really good looking I’ll give you that

Wally:

That’s an understatement

It’s Richard Freaking Grayson

We’re talking about.

Put some respect on my man’s name

Lil Cousin That Probably Doesn’t Still Want Me Dead:

I meant no disrespect

The man is gorgeous

But not my type

Wally:

What’s your type then

Lil Cousin That Probably Doesn’t Still Want Me Dead:

I’m not talking about that with you

Wally:

Come on Thaddie!

We’re bonding!

Thaddie:

Thaddie?

Wally:

Yeah, once I adopt you you get

A cute nickname

Deal with it

Thaddie:

Alright I guess

But I won’t

It’s embarrassing

Wally:

If you ask 90% of the people I know

I’m the most embarrassing person they ever met

Thaddie:

Why do you sound proud of that?

Wally:

Cause it makes me powerful

I don’t need to fear the cringe

I embrace it

Now they fear me

I’m unpredictable

Thaddie:

Interesting philosophy

Wally:

Come on tell me

Thaddie:

Fine

I mean

If we’re talking strictly physically…

Please don’t tell Bartie

Wally:

Oh no

Tim or Kon

Thaddie:

Tim is in the same category as Dick

Objectively gorgeous but not my thing

Wally:

What is it with Kryptonians I swear

Thaddie:

You gotta admit he is very cute

Also he kept threatening my life

In very gruesome ways

And I’m mentally ill

It didn’t help

But it’s purely a physical attraction I swear

Wally:

Hey I get it

I mean Dickie doesn’t think I know that

If he wasn’t with me he’d totally

Have fucked Roy

But I do

He’s got a thing for redheads

And he never tried Roy

Thaddie:

You know, I don’t think I needed to know that

Wally:

Oversharing is a part of family

Bonding

Thaddie:

If you say so

Anyway that’s my embarrassing secret

Wally:

Hey, as long as you don’t fall in love with him

You’re good

Thaddie:

I don’t even know if I’m capable of that

Maybe I’m just too broken

Wally:

Not having romantic feelings

Doesn’t mean you’re broken

It’s called being aromantic

And if it turns out you are

Then it’s perfectly fine

Thaddie:

Oh

I didn’t know something like that existed

Wally:

Well now you know

But right now it’s mostly

That you haven’t been given any type of love

How can you know what kind you feel and

What kind you don’t if you’ve

Never experienced any?

Thaddie:

True…

Wally:

That’s going to change

Btw we’re having a family dinner

At Barry and Iris’ house next week

Bart told you didn’t he?

Thaddie:

Yeah..

I didn’t know if it was a good idea for me to come

Wally:

I mean, it is going to be very awkward

For everyone involved

But we gotta start somewhere don’t we?

It can’t get better if we don’t take the plunge

Thaddie:

Maybe you’re right…

Alright I’ll come

Wally:

Good

And if it’s too much you can always bounce early

Nobody’s gonna judge

Thaddie:

Thanks…

Really Wally, thank you

You don’t have to be so patient and supportive with me

Wally:

None of that hun

I’m doing what I should’ve done from the beginning

If roles had been reversed

If you were the one to just crash in our time

Unexpectedly first, lost and disoriented

I would’ve taken care of you in a heartbeat

Just like I did with Bart

Because you both were just kids

And none of what you went through was fair

I know who the real enemy is

And now you do too

Thaddie:

Yeah…

I’m glad to be here, after all

I thought I’d never really be glad to be anywhere

But… here is good

Even if I have to work for it

Especially because I have to work for it, I think

It’s the first time in my life I’m building something

Instead of destroying it

And one thing I learned growing up

Is patience

So I know I can do it if I just don’t let me sabotage everything

Wally:

That’s the right attitude

I’m proud of you Thaddie

Thaddie:

Oh…

Wally:

Lemme guess

You never heard those words in your life before

Thaddie:

No…

Wally:

Let it out baby

It’s ok

Thaddie:

… Now I’m crying in Tim’s arms because of you

Wally:

Better him than Kon, that would have been awkward

Thaddie:

Why are you like this…

Wally:

Embarrassing, told you

I’ll let you recover

Remember you can call or text me anytime

I’m here for you ok?

Thaddie:

Ok…

Wally:

Cry it out and get some rest

It will feel better

Chapter Text

The Cuter Clone:

I have a question.

If you’re not busy of course.

Jaime Reyes:

Sure thing Colie

Ask away

The Cuter Clone:

How do you suppress anger?

Jaime Reyes:

I beg your pardon?

The Cuter Clone:

Sometimes I feel angry.

But when I was under control

Anger was the only emotion

I could feel.

So I don’t like when that happens.

So how do you suppress it?

Jaime Reyes:

Oh Cole…

The Cuter Clone:

Have I said something wrong?

Jaime Reyes:

Not wrong per say

A bit concerning Is all

Emotions are not to be suppressed

But to be understood

The Cuter Clone:

What is there to be understood about anger?

It’s just a nasty emotion

That can only cause pain.

Jaime Reyes:

Why are you angry?

The Cuter Clone:

Why?

Jaime Reyes:

Yes, why?

The Cuter Clone:

I’m not sure.

I guess a lot of annoying things happened today.

But annoying things happen everyday.

Most of the time I don’t pay attention to them.

Jaime Reyes:

Can you give me some examples?

The Cuter Clone:

Well this morning some guy

Didn’t look where he was going

And ran into me.

It probably hurt him a lot more than me to be fair,

Which is probably why he told me to

Watch where I was going and called me

An asshole.

It is a bit irritating

When someone blames me for something

That isn’t my fault,

But I don’t really care about

A stranger insulting me.

Jaime Reyes:

It starts with a little irritation

It must have soured your mood a little

And then?

The Cuter Clone:

Then someone cut in line

At the bakery and got the last

Chocolate cake.

I needed it, I was having my brothers over

In the afternoon.

That I was a bit miffed about.

Jaime Reyes:

People I swear.

The Cuter Clone:

Yes. Indeed.

And then I saw Luthor on tv.

Usually I just ignore him.

But today I just couldn’t.

I guess because I was already annoyed?

Jaime Reyes:

Yes, I think it didn’t help

And being angry at Luthor is valid

The Cuter Clone:

I just don’t like thinking about

How much I want to hurt him

I don’t want to be that person again

Jaime Reyes:

You’re dealing with intrusive thoughts

It’s ok Cole, everyone has them

But you also have the moral sense

To understand you shouldn’t act on them

Anger isn’t always a bad thing

It’s your body and soul reacting to injustice

Trust me, it’s a lot better than apathy

The Cuter Clone:

But anger leads to violence

Jaime Reyes:

Not always

Anger sometimes leads to change

You know, the French have this

Expression

“La Rage de Vivre”, which roughly

Translate to The Rage to live.

Channeling your anger can be a fuel

A lot of depressed people get angry

When they start recovering

Because all of a sudden something clicks

And they are not letting themselves

Get buried in despair anymore

Anger can lift you up

It can get you out of a slump

The Cuter Clone:

So it’s a good thing?

Jaime Reyes:

It can be yes

You shouldn’t use your anger to hurt

Other people of course

But for example, being angry people

Are treating you badly can get you

To stand up for yourself

Next time don’t repress it

If you know your anger is justified

And I have no doubt you’ll know where

Your anger is placed most of the time

Then express it

You don’t need to let people walk all over you

Because you’re scared of your own emotions

The Cuter Clone:

I see.

I think I get it.

Thank you Jaime

Jaime Reyes:

You’re welcome

I get it you know

I used to be scared of getting mad as well

So much so that I always waited until

The boiling point

Which is so unhealthy

I ended up saying and doing a lot of things

I regret

Don’t let it go to the boiling point

Find ways to let out the anger

The Cuter Clone:

How do you do it?

Jaime Reyes:

Lots of ways

I listen to angry music

I go to the gym

I scream to the void, that one is my favorite

Jay probably has more good ways

He’s the king of anger

Some ways are probably healthier than others

In his case

The Cuter Clone:

I just asked him.

He just answered sex.

I have to admit I’m not sure what he meant.

Jaime Reyes:

I’m going to murder him.

Which is probably good for him

Cause that means Kon can’t get to him first

The Cuter Clone:

I’m guessing you’re not serious.

Jaime Reyes:

I’m still debating

Nevermind actually don’t

Listen to Jason he’s a troll

The Cuter Clone:

He said you were just pissed because it’s true.

And he said something about you needing

To let out your anger soon.

Jaime Reyes:

Why is he like this

The Cuter Clone:

I like Jason he’s nice.

Jaime Reyes:

You’re so cute

Just don’t let him corrupt you

You’re too pure for this world

The Cuter Clone:

Kon always says that too.

I don’t really get it.

Jaime Reyes:

Don’t worry about it

Are you feeling a bit better?

The Cuter Clone:

I guess.

I don’t feel angry now.

But I will try to follow

Your advice next time.

Thank you for talking to me.

Jaime Reyes:

You’re very much welcome

What are friends for eh?

The Cuter Clone:

That’s true.

You’re a good friend Jaime.

Jaime Reyes:

Aww you’re a good friend too Colie

I have to leave you now

I have to teach Jason some manners

The Cuter Clone:

Alright.

See you Friday for Trivia Night.

Jaime Reyes:

You bet!

<><><><><><><><><><><><><> 

• Get a real place to live in
• Stop sleeping in the bathtub (it’s not a tank, also Conner said sleeping in a tank wasn’t good)
• Buy a bed
• Open a bank account
• Find a way to make money (update, somehow I keep getting free money on my account?)
• Find Out what Wayne Enterprise is and why they keep sending me money
• Talk to more people
• Make friends
• Learn how to cook (in progress)
• Invite friends over for Hot Chocolate
• Buy more milk (Conner drank too much Hot Chocolate)
• Be a good brother
• Make sure both Jon and Conner agree you’re a good brother
• Learn about healthy relationships, romantic or otherwise
• Adopt a kitten
• Find name for a kitten
• buy more video games for when Jon comes to visit
• watch the movies Tim talked about with a Lord that has Rings for some reason
• Tell Bart you liked the soothing playlist he made to help you sleep
• Ask Superman to help you control your Super Strength better
• Repair the front door somehow (Again)
• Buy some plants
• Try out gardening on the balcony ( Gardening was a bad idea, buy house plants instead)
• Watch that show with lots of dragons
• Take Jon and Damian to the pet shelter to help choose a kitten
• Dye My Hair
• Talk a bit more to Jaime about how to handle mind control trauma
• Rewatch Heartstopper (I liked that one, it was very informative on relationships)
• Buy some more clothes Buy even more clothes
• Try and not rip all my clothes accidently anymore
• Call Dick about trivia night
• Find out what kind of trivia you’re supposed to know for a trivia night
• ! Don’t forget your meditation exercises to control the super hearing!
• HAVE A GREAT DAY ! :) – Bart
• Talk to Kon about the people constantly hanging around the apartment
• Learn to suppress anger cope with anger better
• Stand up for myself
• Ask Jason exactly why sex is good to let out anger

Chapter Text

Dolly:

Did the sedative work?

#1 Reason I can’t sleep at night:

For now

Even enhanced it’s probably not enough

To knock him out more than an hour

Even in his current state

Dolly:

Hm.

We might need to find

A better way to deal with his attacks

#1 Reason I can’t sleep at night:

Yeah

Is Bartie ok? Did you find him?

Dolly:

He didn’t take off too far

He was just around the block

He’s not saying anything

He does look pale

#1 Reason I can’t sleep at night:

He’s probably dissociating

It’s the first time it gets this bad

If you hadn’t heard something

Suspicious happening

Who knows if we could have gotten there in time

Dolly:

Yeah

I don’t understand though

He was fine

Or he seemed fine

He was laughing and joking around

During dinner

I don’t get what triggered this

#1 Reason I can’t sleep at night:

Who knows

Don’t come home too soon

I haven’t finished cleaning up

The blood

Dolly:

I’ll take Bartie to Wally and Dick’s

Then I’ll come and help you

#1 Reason I can’t sleep at night:

No stay with him

I’ll manage

Just make sure Bartie doesn’t come back

Until I tell you it’s ok

I know he will want to be there

But we can’t traumatize him further

Tell him I’ll take good care of Thad

Dolly:

He’s not going to like this

#1 Reason I can’t sleep at night:

He can’t help in his current state

He just watched his twin try to commit suicide

Btw Thad’s healing factor

Is still shot

The wounds are taking forever to heal

In speedster’s time

I think we might need to do something about that

Dolly:

One thing at a time

Let’s first try to keep him alive

The rest can wait

#1 Reason I can’t sleep at night:

Yeah

It’s funny huh

How all of a sudden we care for the poor bastard

Dolly:

Yeah

I mean he is Bartie’s brother

#1 Reason I can’t sleep at night:

Yeah

But also ngl I consider him a friend at this point

Dolly:

Hm

I guess he is

I mean I still think he’s annoying

But I surely don’t want him dead

#1 Reason I can’t sleep at night:

Yeah

It’s going to be ok

We’ve gone through worse

Dolly:

Yeah…

Make sure he eats when he wakes up

There’s some leftover pasta in the fridge

Also he can have my last

Pack of oreos if he wants

#1 Reason I can’t sleep at night:

Gasp, you’re sharing your oreos?

Dolly:

It’s a one time thing

#1 Reason I can’t sleep at night:

You big softie

I’ll feed him don’t worry

Take care of Bartie

And keep Wally from going off the wall

Also

He’s gonna go berserk when you explain

Dolly:

Oh boy I hadn’t thought about that

I’ll let Dick deal with that

#1 Reason I can’t sleep at night:

Good fucking luck to him then

Have to go, sedatives wore off

Ttyl babe

Dolly:

Keep us posted

Love you

<><><><><><><><><><><><><> 

Fast And Furious:

I’m sorry

Spare Parts:

I’m not mad at you you know

Fast And Furious:

Do you need to be mad

for me to be sorry?

Spare Parts:

Touché

I just don’t understand

Why Thad?

Fast And Furious:

I…

I guess I’ve been feeling…

Like this, for a week or so

I just

I don’t want it to sound like it’s

Anyone’s fault because it’s not

Spare Parts:

Just say whatever comes to mind

I can take it

Fast And Furious:

Alright…

It’s just

Well I look at you

And Tim and Kon

And Walls and Dick

And everyone

And I just see

I just see something I could never be

Happiness, freedom, sanity

I know you’re trying to give me that

But

The nightmares have been getting worse

And I guess I’m questioning if

It’s even possible I’ll be happy one day

And even if it was

I just

I just don’t deserve it Bartie

No matter how many times I try

To convince myself I do

I know I don’t

I’m a monster

I’ve always been a monster

And just because I’m trying to be better doesn’t erase

The fact that I hurt everyone

I hurt you

You’re the best person I’ve ever met

And I fucking tried to destroy you

Time and time again

I don’t deserve to be here

I don’t deserve to live

Spare Parts:

What about what I deserve?

Fast And Furious:

What?

Spare Parts:

Do I deserve to lose my brother

After finally getting to be close to him?

Do I deserve to be woken up

By my boyfriend shaking me in the

Middle of the night because something

Is wrong and my twin is hurting himself?

Do I deserve to find you in a pool

Of your own blood?

Fast And Furious:

So you lied about not being mad

Good to know

Spare Parts:

I’m really trying not to be

But it’s hard

Fast And Furious:

I get it

I fucked up

I’m really sorry

I shouldn’t have been so selfish

I shouldn’t have made you see that

Spare Parts:

It’s not about me seeing it or not

It’s about the fact I care about you

About the fact I love you and I cannot lose you

I just can’t Thad

I don’t know what you deserve

I’m not a God

I’m not here to cast judgement upon you

I’m just your brother

And I need you to be ok

Maybe I’m just as selfish as you are

But right now I don’t care

You don’t want to live for yourself yet

I get it

And I know eventually it can’t go on like that

You will have to find that motivation in yourself

But right now

Just for a little bit

Even if it’s unhealthy

Even if it doesn’t solve anything in the long run

I need you to live for me

I need you to stay alive because I ask you to

Because you owe me

You owe me this at least

You said you tried to destroy me

You think you’ve taken enough from me

Then don’t take my brother away

Because I wouldn’t forgive you if you did

Fast And Furious:

I…

I won’t

I promise

I won’t take your brother away from you

Even if I don’t know why you love him

So much

Spare Parts:

I just do.

And I don’t have to justify or explain

Myself on that.

I love you, period.

Fast And Furious:

I love you too Bartie

Spare Parts:

I know.

How’s being strangled by Wally

Fast And Furious:

Does he know human beings need air?

Spare Parts:

I’ve never asked him

He’s not gonna let go of you for a while

And then it’s my turn

I’m just waiting for Timmy to give me the

All-clear cause apparently

He thinks if I see a single drop of blood

I’m gonna pass out

Fast And Furious:

He has been deep cleaning the whole house

When he could have just done the bathroom

Spare Parts:

It’s his way of coping

Timmy likes to be in control

He can’t show his emotions right now because

We’re all shaken

So he has to let it out somehow

I guess he chose cleaning

Fast And Furious:

I didn’t want to cause you all so much trouble…

Spare Parts:

Don’t

Don’t dwell on it

Focus on recovery

Also we need to do something

About those nightmares of yours

Fast And Furious:

Good luck with that

They’re… persistent

Between my botched timeline

And the 100 years in the speed force

I don’t think I can get rid of them

Spare Parts:

We can try to reduce their frequency at least

We’ll find a way

Fast And Furious:

If you say so

Bartie?

Spare Parts:

Yeah?

Fast And Furious:

You ever wonder how things

Might have been if we’d grown up together?

Spare Parts:

All the time

Fast And Furious:

Huh

When I was in the speed force

Sometimes I thought about

Trying that out

Instead of repairing everything

I didn’t do it cause I had

Messed up enough already

But I thought about it

Spare Parts:

There is nothing for us in the past Thad

Even if we wish there was

We can never grow up together

But we can go forward together

And I think that’s ok

Fast And Furious:

Yeah…

I think that’s ok too

Spare Parts:

Plus if we’d grown up together we would have BOTH

Been supervillains

I know we would

Fast And Furious:

Heh, you might have a point

Then again

If we’d both been raised by Walls

Maybe he could have made us good people

Spare Parts:

until he died

as everyone I loved did

Fast And Furious:

Yeah…

Good thing with having no one to care about

My whole life is I never had to experience loss

I guess…

I’m sorry you had to go through that

And I’m sorry I nearly made you

Go through it again

Spare Parts:

It’s alright

I mean it’s not

But you know

Fast And Furious:

Yeah

Did you ever think about revenge?

Spare Parts:

Of course I did

I wasn’t a Saint you know

We lived through a war

An Apocalypse

I’ve done things I’m not proud of

Fast And Furious:

Mostly to defend yourself

And what you had left though

Spare Parts:

Hm

I almost crossed the line once or twice

I couldn’t do it only cause I had the voices

Of the people I loved in the back of my mind

All those I lost who I would be disrespecting

If I became the worst version of myself

Fast And Furious:

I see…

Spare Parts:

I did beat up a defenseless

Reach soldier prisoner once

Three days after ‘Wing died

Everything became too much

I almost had no one left at that point

It took both Uncles Bats to

Get me to stop

And even then they had a hard time restraining me

See you’re not the only one with

Anger issues

Fast And Furious:

Never had anyone to restrain me

Spare Parts:

Now you do

Fast And Furious:

Yeah I do

Not to mention the fact I’m weak as fuck

Right now

It’s stupid, I had finally gotten

A bit of my speed back

And I had to go and spoil it all

Spare Parts:

This is what you get for trying to

Abandon me

Timmy said something about your

Healing factor not working properly

btw

Fast And Furious:

Yeah

Side effect of Grandpa’s weapon I’m afraid

I’m lucky I still have powers

Spare Parts:

It can take your power away?

Fast And Furious:

Not take them exactly

But destroy your body enough

So you can never use them again

I think because you

Forced my healing factor to kick

In from the jump after

The attack I got lucky

Couldn’t take another one of those rays though

Spare Parts:

Yeah I wouldn’t recommend

Alright Timmy says I can come back

Be there in a flash Bro

Fast And Furious:

You had to say that didn’t you

You’re so annoying

Spare Parts:

Love you too

Chapter Text

Mini Me but Deadlier:

Hey can I crash at yours

Unfortunately Still Kicking:

How bad

Mini Me but Deadlier:

I might need stitches

Unfortunately Still Kicking:

Fucking hell

At least tell me you didn’t get shot

This time

Mini Me but Deadlier:

Only once

Unfortunately Still Kicking:

You need to be more careful kid

Mini Me but Deadlier:

Yeah yeah

If I wanted a lecture

I’d have gone home

Or gone to Grayson

Can I come by or what

Unfortunately Still Kicking:

Yeah sure

What happened

Mini Me but Deadlier:

Honestly it wasn’t even my fault this time

I was just doing routine patrol

Father’s off world so he said to take it easy

And call Grayson if anything truly bad happened

So I was more or less listening

Unfortunately Still Kicking:

Why don’t I believe you

Mini Me but Deadlier:

Come on I can patrol Gotham on my own

Unfortunately Still Kicking:

Just get to the point

Mini Me but Deadlier:

I’m getting there!

So I was patrolling

And I happened to stumble onto

A huge arms deal taking place

I mean I had to do something

Unfortunately Still Kicking:

Yeah, call Dick

Or Tim even

Hell isn’t Babs around right now?

Mini Me but Deadlier:

Look

I was already there

Plus It looked like I could take them

And I could

Mostly

Unfortunately Still Kicking:

What does “mostly” mean?

Mini Me but Deadlier:

I told you I only got shot once

I mean not counting the grenade

I need to reinforce my costume

Unfortunately Still Kicking:

It’s getting worse and worse every message

Where were you shot

Mini Me but Deadlier:

Just the shoulder

It’s fine

Unfortunately Still Kicking:

This is the last time Damian you hear me?

This is the last time I cover for you

When you’re reckless and get

Hurt

Mini Me but Deadlier:

You said that last time also

Unfortunately Still Kicking:

This time I’m serious

You’re gonna end up killed one of these days

Is that what you want?

Mini Me but Deadlier:

You know it’s not

Unfortunately Still Kicking:

Could’ve fooled me

Damian I know you’re

Trying to prove yourself

I know you’re almost grown up

And you want everyone to take you seriously

I get that you don’t want to be just the

Sidekick anymore

But this is not the way to do it

Mini Me but Deadlier:

I know alright?

I just

It’s hard

Living in so many shadows

It’s not just Batman’s

I’m the FOURTH Robin

And you all did so much with your lives

And I don’t even know what I want mine to be

Jon keeps talking about graduating and college and stuff

I never even thought about those things

All I have is Robin

But even Robin isn’t enough anymore

Unfortunately Still Kicking:

You’re 17 Dams

You think any of us knew what we were doing

At that age?

I mean I was dead

But I’m sure if you ask Dick he’ll tell you

His whole life was a mess

And don’t even get me started on Tim

Trust me you’re a lot better off than any of us

Mini Me but Deadlier:

I’m not sure

Unfortunately Still Kicking:

Just

Take things one step at a time

You have infinite potential, and all

The money in the world

Do you realize how lucky you are

Mini Me but Deadlier:

I guess

Unfortunately Still Kicking:

Purpose is hard to find

Robin needs to grow

Maybe at some point you’ll have to grow out of Robin even

We can’t all be Timmy and refuse change

At every turn

But that’s not even the most important

Right now

You need to think about DAMIAN

About who he is

About what he wants

Mini Me but Deadlier:

I’m having  a hard time figuring that out

Unfortunately Still Kicking:

You have interests

Hobbies

Not to mention many talents

Spend some time doing things

For yourself

Stop trying to prove

You’re someone when you don’t

Even know who that is

Mini Me but Deadlier:

I guess

Sorry for putting you through this

Unfortunately Still Kicking:

Honestly that’s karma

When Dick called me reckless and stupid

When I was young I told him

He wasn’t my real brother and

I hated him

And then I died

You’re a lot nicer in comparison

Mini Me but Deadlier:

When you say it like that

Then yeah

I don’t hate you btw

Just to make that clear

Unfortunately Still Kicking:

Aww that was almost a declaration of love

Mini Me but Deadlier:

Yeah no

I need to space those out

I’ve been giving them too freely

Unfortunately Still Kicking:

Fair enough

Now hurry up

Don’t want you bleeding out in an alley

Somewhere

Mini Me but Deadlier:

It’s really not that bad

But I’m coming

Can you call Alfred for me?

Unfortunately Still Kicking:

Yup, lemme lie to my favorite

Person in the world for you again sure

Mini Me but Deadlier:

I love you?

Unfortunately Still Kicking:

Weaponized affection

I thought you were spacing those out

Mini Me but Deadlier:

Desperate times and all that

Unfortunately Still Kicking:

They are right you’re too much like me

This is not a compliment btw

Mini Me but Deadlier:

Work on your self-loathing Jason

I’m worried about you

Unfortunately Still Kicking:

When you call me Jason it sends

Shivers down my spine

It’s so unnatural

Mini Me but Deadlier:

Deal with it weakling.

Unfortunately Still Kicking:

That’s better

<><><><><><><><><><><><><> 

Damian Wayne:

Hey Cole

Can I ask you something

Favorite Brother In Law:

Hello Damian.

What is it?

Damian Wayne:

So Jon told me you started

Volunteering at the shelter

Where you adopted Candle from

Favorite Brother In Law:

Oh.

That’s true yes.

I wanted a job at first,

But then I realized money

Started coming into my bank account

Magically

So I decided since I still had too much time

On my hands I might as well do something good

With it.

Why?

Damian Wayne:

Do you think you could

Talk to the owner and see

If they’d need another volunteer?

Favorite Brother In Law:

Oh, of course

She’s a nice lady

Plus there’s always too much work

I tried saying I could do more hours

But she scolded me saying I needed sleep

Sometimes.

I don’t actually, not that much, but

She laughed when I said that.

Damian Wayne:

People are not supposed

To know you’re half kryptonian so

They assume you have a normal

Sleep schedule

Favorite Brother In Law:

That’s true.

Anyway, you want to come help

At the shelter?

Damian Wayne:

I think so yeah

I mean I’ve always had a soft spot for animals

And Jason says I have to start

Focusing on my interests

Plus that way I’m still doing

Something that matters

Favorite Brother In Law:

Jason is very smart.

So he’s probably right.

I’ll tell Cheryl about you

Damian Wayne:

Thanks Cole.

By the way how’s Candle?

Favorite Brother In Law:

She is still adorable.

I love her.

I bought her so many things.

She has like, three different

Pet beds

But she’d rather sleep in my bed.

Damian Wayne:

That’s so precious

Titus used to sleep in my bed

When he was a puppy

Then Alfred put a stop to it

So I had to make him his own space

In my room

Cause like hell I’m letting my son sleep

In another room

Or worse outside

Barbaric

Favorite Brother In Law:

You’re a good dog dad.

Damian Wayne:

That’s the nicest thing

Anyone ever said to me

Favorite Brother In Law:

I’ll keep you posted on Cheryl’s

Answer.

In the meantime, I have to go.

I have to run to the store, I forgot

To buy the cat treats Candle likes best

Damian Wayne:

A True emergency

Talk to you later Cole

Chapter Text

Group Chat (Birdflash and Son)

Why Did You Grow Up:

GUYS

I FUCKED UP

OOOOOOH I FUCKED UP

Serial Hugging Dad:

Oh dear

When he swears you know it’s not good

Won’t Share His Good-Looking Genes:

Then again he is a dramatic guy

He gets it from you darling

Why Did You Grow Up:

STOP TALKING ABOUT ME LIKE IM NOT HERE

THIS IS SERIOUS

Serial Hugging Dad:

Bartie, breathe

Won’t Share His Good-Looking Genes:

Just tell us what happened

Why Did You Grow Up:

Ok so

Cole came by today since it’s been a while

And also I had made muffins

And he loves muffins the precious boy

Anyway he comes in and first of all

WHO TOOK THAT BOY TO HOT TOPIC

WAS IT DAMIAN

IT MUST HAVE BEEN DAMIAN

WHAT HAS HE DONE

Serial Hugging Dad:

Oh yeah I saw that

With the silver white hair too

That boy got emo real quick

It suits him though

A giant alt puppy

Won’t Share His Good-Looking Genes:

Yeah I approve

Plus now no one calls him Conner on accident

That must be a huge plus

Why Did You Grow Up:

GUYS YOU DON’T GET IT

HE IS HOT NOW

Serial Hugging Dad:

Yes?

I don’t see the problem

Won’t Share His Good-Looking Genes:

It’s not like you’ve never seen a hot person before

Why Did You Grow Up:

IT’S NOT ME THAT’S THE PROBLEM

Look, I’m really happy for him

He found his sense of style and

Individuality

He’s having a great time with self-discovery

I’m proud of him and wish him only the best

BUT HE CANT SHOW UP TO MY HOUSE LOOKING HOT

Serial Hugging Dad:

Again, you’re not making sense

Won’t Share His Good-Looking Genes:

He rarely does to be fair

Why Did You Grow Up:

THAD IS HERE

COLE IS HOT

YALL KNOW HOW TO ADD OR

Serial Hugging Dad:

… Oh no

Won’t Share His Good-Looking Genes:

Honestly? We should have seen that coming

Wait was it the first time they met?

Why Did You Grow Up:

YES

Oh Kon is gonna kill me

Or Thad

I don’t know

Anyway this is a disaster

My boy FROZE

For TEN MINUTES

Like he never saw a hot man before

Really it was embarrassing

Serial Hugging Dad:

My baby is already growing up

Won’t Share His Good-Looking Genes:

Hey by the way why isn’t he in this GC?

Why Did You Grow Up:

Oh you’re right

Wait lemme

Why Did You Grow Up Added Thaddeus Thawne

To the group

Why Did You Grow Up changed the Group’s name to

“Birdflash and Sons”

Why Did You Grow Up changed Thaddeus Thawne’s name to

“I’m Like TT”

I’m Like TT:

What

Oh Hey guys

What’s up

Won’t Share His Good-Looking Genes:

Welcome child

Why Did You Grow Up:

Ok now that you’re here

THADDEUS WHY

I’m Like TT:

What have I done this time

Serial Hugging Dad:

You got a thing for Kryptonians apparently

Won’t Share His Good-Looking Genes:

Wanna talk about your new crush?

Why Did You Grow Up:

WHY DID IT HAVE TO BE COLE

I’m Like TT:

What are you all talking about?

I don’t have a crush

That’s ridiculous

Cole who

I don’t know a Cole

Serial Hugging Dad:

Oh baby

Baby denial is not gonna help

Won’t Share His Good-Looking Genes:

It’s ok we all agree he’s hot

Why Did You Grow Up:

Hot and as innocent as a lamb

And he has a crazy overprotective older brother

Literally why

Serial Hugging Dad:

The heart wants what the heart wants

I’m Like TT:

I literally just met him

I haven’t even done anything

Won’t Share His Good-Looking Genes:

Except freeze for ten minutes apparently

I’m Like TT:

BART HOW COULD YOU

Why Did You Grow Up:

I JUST TOLD THE TRUTH

ITS NOT MY FAULT YOU GET DYSFUNCTONAL

AROUND HOT GUYS

Ok actually, it might be my fault

Since you know

My genes and all that

BUT I NEVER FROZE BEFORE

I’m Like TT:

He just

I don’t know ok

He’s really good looking

And also really nice and soft spoken

Like

Wow

Also he’s very adorable

Serial Hugging Dad:

That he is

Won’t Share His Good-Looking Genes:

I think it’s very cute you have a crush

I support you dear

Why Did You Grow Up:

Don’t encourage him he’s gonna get MURDERED

I’m Like TT:

Again

I haven’t done anything

I mean we talked

Cause I’m polite

Why Did You Grow Up:

Yeah, you talked for the whole

Two hours he was there!

I was all but invisible!

Can ya’ll believe it!

Haven’t caught up with Colie in weeks!

And Thad steals all my thunder!

I’m Like TT:

I didn’t mean to

He’s just interesting

Especially with him being a clone

And breaking free from the control

And all that

It’s fascinating to hear about all this

And the life he managed to build for himself

He’s so brave

Honestly it was inspiring

Serial Hugging Dad:

Oh no that’s actually so beautiful…

Won’t Share His Good-Looking Genes:

Good job Thad you made Wally cry

I’m Like TT:

Sorry?

Why Did You Grow Up:

Don’t apologize it’s super easy to do

Serial Hugging Dad:

It’s just

You two share some common ground

And the idea that his journey gives you inspiration

Perhaps even hope

Is really touching

Won’t Share His Good-Looking Genes:

That’s true

I’m Like TT:

Oh…

Thanks I guess

Why Did You Grow Up:

Ugh

You’re gonna become besties aren’t you

Damn I have to prepare Kon psychologically

This is Jon and Dami all over again

Serial Hugging Dad:

Hey, it worked out didn’t it

Kon’s been better these days

Won’t Share His Good-Looking Genes:

I won’t judge I was worse once

There’s not a person in this world

I wouldn’t have beaten up for my brothers

Except Bartie, cause he had the brilliant idea

To make me love him unconditionally before

He depraved my Timmy

Why Did You Grow Up:

Dickie, you and I both know if anyone

Depraved anyone it was the other way around

Serial Hugging Dad:

Yeah he’s got a point

Won’t Share His Good-Looking Genes:

Shsh

Let me live in denial

I’m Like TT:

It doesn’t matter anyway

It’s not like I’m gonna try anything

And even if I did

I doubt it would go anywhere

Why Did You Grow Up:

That’s what they all say

Me included tbh

And now look at me

I’m Like TT:

Yeah somehow I think the situation

Is a tad bit different

Do I need to go into details

As to why?

Like in short, I’m a mentally unstable

Ex supervillain who’s never even so much as kissed anyone

Let alone thought about a relationship before

Serial Hugging Dad:

Pure innocent little baby Thaddie

I’m Like TT:

How did you miss the mentally unstable

ex supervillain part

Won’t Share His Good-Looking Genes:

Selective reading

He’s good at that

Why Did You Grow Up:

We’re not gonna enter into a debate today

It’s not really relevant

Right now you just met a new potential friend

Which is already a lot

We’ll focus on that

And not on the fact that

Even though Fate doesn’t exist she’s playing

With us again

Serial Hugging Dad:

She does that often

Won’t Share His Good-Looking Genes:

I have a good feeling about this

Hey you both are coming for trivia night

This time right?

I want Thad on my team

I’m Like TT:

Oh, that thing you do every Friday

With like a thousand people?

I guess now I’ve met most of them

So I might not end up hiding in the bathroom

Why Did You Grow Up:

I think you met everyone that’s coming

Now that you’ve seen Colie

Wait are Roy and Kaldur coming?

Serial Hugging Dad:

Oh yeah, I managed to convince them

It’s been months

Those bastards don’t even call

Won’t Share His Good-Looking Genes:

So only two people you haven’t seen

That should be alright shouldn’t it?

I’m Like TT:

I guess…

Why Did You Grow Up:

It’s ok you can sit between me and Jay

And if you’re uncomfortable he’ll

Just create a diversion

He likes you

And loves nothing more than to cause chaos

Serial Hugging Dad:

And you love encouraging him

Won’t Share His Good-Looking Genes:

I still haven’t recovered from his last “diversion”

7 times out of 10 I’m the target

I’m Like TT:

You know I think he’s my favorite Robin

Then again Damian is good too

Why Did You Grow Up:

You’re so unsurprising in your picks

Of course you like the edgy Robins the best

I’m Like TT:

Let me live my truth

Serial Hugging Dad:

That’s settled then

You’re both coming

Won’t Share His Good-Looking Genes:

And I get Thad on my team

Why Did You Grow Up:

If you get Thad we get Jason

You always take him

And let him carry you in

All the literature questions

Serial Hugging Dad:

Yeah he’s right!

Jason’s ours

Won’t Share His Good-Looking Genes:

Ugh fine

I’m Like TT:

You’re weirdly competitive for a game night

Between friends and family

Why Did You Grow Up:

You’ll get it once you’ve played

Serial Hugging Dad:

Yeah it gets intense

Won’t Share His Good-Looking Genes:

There are just so many sore losers among us

Why Did You Grow Up:

You being the biggest one

Second biggest after Tim

I’m Like TT:

Oh that I can attest

Timmy can’t lose at chess if he does

I never hear the end of it

Serial Hugging Dad:

If he and Dick aren’t on the same team

They always end up screaming at each other

Won’t Share His Good-Looking Genes:

Dibs on Tim btw

And Kon while I’m at it

Why Did You Grow Up:

That’s foul

I’m taking Jaime and Zatanna

Serial Hugging Dad:

Take Kaldur also!

He’s got that weird obscure knowledge

No one knows where he got it from!

I’m Like TT:

Is there a strategy to all this or…

Why Did You Grow Up:

Dickie usually picks people who have

A wide array of general knowledge

Walls and I like to choose people with special interests

So everyone gets to shine at some point

Won’t Share His Good-Looking Genes:

I get Cole also btw

And Arty cause she’s my ace

Why Did You Grow Up:

You would

I need Dams as my Pop music expert

And I’ll take Jon so he can’t use his puppy

Dog eyes to distract Dami

Like last time

Serial Hugging Dad:

Devious little bugger

I’m Like TT:

You’re all fascinating

Anyway Bartie where’s that boyfriend of yours

I’m hungry

Won’t Share His Good-Looking Genes:

The fact that Kon is the only competent cook

In your household will never not be funny

Why Did You Grow Up:

Hey!

I bake!

And I’m not terrible at cooking

It’s just that Kon is amazing

And he loves to do it

I’m Like TT:

Tim can’t cook for shit though

He tried to poison me the other day

Serial Hugging Dad:

I wouldn’t even let him serve me water

Won’t Share His Good-Looking Genes:

Poor Timmy he’s doing his best

Why Did You Grow Up:

We all have our strengths it’s ok

Anyway Kon should be back in 15 minutes

In the meantime let’s go play

Some rounds of Mario Kart

I’m Like TT:

Prepare to get annihilated Allen!

Serial Hugging Dad:

Aw kids

So cute

Won’t Share His Good-Looking Genes:

Have fun you guys!

Chapter Text

Bother Figure:

Why did Bruce ask me if I was

Gonna be your Best Man

If you change your name on my phone again istg:

Cause he’s delusional

Roy is

Bother Figure:

That’s not what I meant

Although I’m offended

I can’t believe you’d choose

Him over me

If you change your name on my phone again istg:

Suffer Dickiebird

Bother Figure:

Ok but have I missed an episode again?

Did you propose?

If you change your name on my phone again istg:

Nah

Bruce and Alfred just think I’m taking too long

So they’ve decided if they

Plan a whole wedding and force us

To attend I can’t say anything

Bother Figure:

And you’re letting them do it?

If you change your name on my phone again istg:

It’s hilarious

Plus Jaime is confused and panicking

And that’s even funnier

Bother Figure:

Why must you torture the poor boy

If you change your name on my phone again istg:

He’s just adorable when he’s

Panicking over trivial matters

Plus he gets to go

Cake tasting with Alfie next week

What a treat

Bother Figure:

Oh they’re really serious

Honestly this obsession is a bit worrying

If you change your name on my phone again istg:

Heh

They just know this is as good as it gets for me

If your problem child found

A perfect man you’d make sure they marry too

Bother Figure:

Stop that

No more self-deprecation

If you change your name on my phone again istg:

Can y’all let me live?

First Dams now you

Yes I like joking about how much I hate myself

It’s part of my personality

Bother Figure:

It would be ok if you didn’t actually

Hate yourself

If you change your name on my phone again istg:

I mean

Nowadays I mostly tolerate myself

So that’s a win in my books

Bother Figure:

It’s a start I guess

If you change your name on my phone again istg:

Hey how are you doing btw

Bother Figure:

Why are you asking

If you change your name on my phone again istg:

You’ve been looking very pensive these days

I was meaning to talk to you about that

Bother Figure:

Oh

I guess I’ve been reflecting on stuff yeah

If you change your name on my phone again istg:

Wanna share with the class?

Bother Figure:

Do you think I’d make a good father?

If you change your name on my phone again istg:

Is the sky blue?

Bother Figure:

I’m serious

If you change your name on my phone again istg:

So am I

Dickie you were born for this

You’re already a father figure to many

Cause you’re old af

Bother Figure:

Shut up

I heard your knees crack the other day

If you change your name on my phone again istg:

That was probably in your head

Why do you ask?

Bother Figure:

I just

These days whenever I see parents

With their small children I just feel

Like maybe

Maybe I want something like that

Maybe I want a kid

A little baby to raise and love

And all that crap

If you change your name on my phone again istg:

Aww

You got baby fever

Bother Figure:

I guess

I just

I don’t know if that’s something

Wally’s thought about

If you change your name on my phone again istg:

Well maybe you should talk to him about that

Bother Figure:

Yeah…

I’m a bit scared I think

If you change your name on my phone again istg:

Ypu shouldn’t be

That man is the most family oriented

Person I’ve ever met

He probably wants

Like 15 kids

Bother Figure:

Only 15?

If you change your name on my phone again istg:

You’re insane

Anyway just talk to him

Tell him to get you pregnant

Or something idk

Bother Figure:

Very funny

I’m pretty sure I’ll

Just follow the patented Bruce Wayne method

If you change your name on my phone again istg:

Two times out of three

You get an ok kid

Don’t take the one who tries

To steal your tires tho

Bother Figure:

Jason.

If you change your name on my phone again istg:

Sorry, I’ll stop I promise

Anyway, I get to be Godfather

Bother Figure:

No, it’s gonna be Roy

Since he gets to be your Best Man

If you change your name on my phone again istg:

You’re so petty

Bother Figure:

Look who’s talking

Alright, Wally just got home

I guess I’ll talk to him

If you change your name on my phone again istg:

Good

I’m sure it’s gonna go great

Bother Figure:

Maybe

Thanks Jay

You know I’m glad you

Were a punk and tried to steal

Those tires

If you hadn’t I wouldn’t have you

As a brother

And my life wouldn’t be nearly as good

If you change your name on my phone again istg:

Stop

Bother Figure:

No

If you change your name on my phone again istg:

Fuck you

I love you you goddamn asshole

Bother Figure:

Love you too Little Wing

Chapter Text

Timmy <3 :

What the actual fuck

(◕ ワ ◕✿):

Don’t

Just don’t say anything

I’m already stressing out

Timmy <3:

So I’m not seeing things right

(◕ ワ ◕✿):

Shsh

Act normal

Timmy <3:

What have you been hiding from us

Bartholomew

(◕ ワ ◕✿):

Nothing!

Timmy <3:

So you don’t know

Why Thad is giving Cole heart eyes

And smiling like an idiot?

(◕ ワ ◕✿):

Ok so maybe he’s got a crush

And maaaybe I already knew cause

Cole came over the other day

And poor Thad short-circuited

Cause he looked hot af

And then mayhaps they talked for

Two hours non-stop

While I was third wheeling

Timmy <3:

Bartie

Kon is gonna LOSE IT

(◕ ワ ◕✿):

I KNOW OK

WHAT WAS I SUPPOSED TO DO

IT WAS TOO LATE TO GO BACK

Timmy <3:

Oh Boy

I mean don’t get me wrong it’s very cute

But we barely got Kon to accept Dami

And he just started liking Thad

(◕ ワ ◕✿):

I mean

Right now it’s just a puppy crush

But mostly Thad just admires him

Colie’s everything he

Strives to be

He got out, got help and got better

I think it’s the first time he

Actually realizes it’s possible

Timmy <3:

Damn

Who knew meeting Cole

Would be the wake up call huh

(◕ ワ ◕✿):

Yeah

I think them being friends could be good

Not just for Thad

I think Cole actually

Enjoys talking to him

Timmy <3:

Looks like it yeah

He’s never so talkative usually

Then again Thad keeps

Asking questions about

All his interests

Like he doesn’t just pay lip service

He’s actually interested

Don’t get me wrong I love Colie

And talking to him but like

Five different questions

About the type of house plants

Better suited for a less illuminated

Area?

(◕ ワ ◕✿):

They’re both prone to hyperfixations

To the extreme

It makes sense

Timmy <3:

Yeah you’re right

We’re gonna have to talk to Kon aren’t we

(◕ ワ ◕✿):

Not it!

Timmy <3:

What?

Bart!

(◕ ワ ◕✿):

Hah! Now you get to

Deal with it!

Timmy <3:

That’s so unfair!

It’s YOUR brother!

(◕ ワ ◕✿):

I’ve been dealing with your THREE brothers for

Years!

I only have one!

Timmy <3:

He’s enough for three!

(◕ ワ ◕✿):

No

Jason alone matches him

Timmy <3:

… ok fair enough

But still!

You’re better at dealing with his

Overprotectiveness than I am

(◕ ワ ◕✿):

Because you think it’s hot

When he acts like a caveman

You truly have no self-control

Timmy <3:

Your point?

(◕ ワ ◕✿):

Tss

It’s too late anyway I already said not it

Timmy <3:

But Bartiiiie!

Oh wait

He’s texting the GC

<><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Group Chat (Powerpuff Girls)

Buttercup:

You two stop texting behind my back

And pay attention to the game

Blossom:

What are you talking about

Bubbles:

Yeah what

Buttercup:

Don’t even try it

I know what you’re up to

Blossom:

We’re not doing anything honest

Bubbles:

Yeah we’re innocent

Buttercup:

Oh so you weren’t talking about the fact

Thad is totally crushing on Cole?

Blossom:

….

Bubbles:

You’re so smart and perceptive

It’s really sexy

Buttercup:

Don’t you flirt with me Bartholomew

You’re on thin ice

Blossom:

Are you going to kill Thad now or later?

Bubbles:

Please let him live

I promise his crush is pure and innocent

Buttercup:

Oh I know

Thad is about as relationship literate as a rock

Also Cole has no idea

So I’m not gonna threaten him

Yet

I’ll keep an eye o him though

Blossom:

That’s

Coming from you that’s almost

Reasonable

Bubbles:

Yeah how come you’re not

Going berserk?

Buttercup:

Two reasons

First, Cole is having more fun

Tonight talking with the brat than

I’ve ever seen him have in any

Other trivia night

He obviously wants to be friends with him

And second

I have a bigger enemy to tackle

Blossom:

Who?

Buttercup:

That absolute dipshit

You call a brother

Who thinks it’s funny to tell

My little bro that he should

Channel his anger into sex

Blossom:

…

Bubbles:

I mean he’s lived a longer life than anticipated

Maybe it’s time to let Jason go towards the light

We’ve done our best Timmy

Blossom:

Yeah at this point it’s almost a choice he made

Buttercup:

Good to know we’re on the same page

I’m going to pulverize him

Blossom:

Fair enough

At least Thad gets to live another day

Bubbles:

Plus Tim has two other brothers

It’s ok if he loses one

I don’t have that luxury

Buttercup:

A valid point

Now everyone off their phone

Blossom:

You know what it does to me when

You talk like that

Buttercup:

Yes I know

But if you want to make sure

I take care of you tonight

You will focus and make our team win

Blossom:

Yes sir

Bubbles:

Too bad for you I’m gonna win

Suck it losers

Buttercup:

That can be arranged

Bubbles:

Akzheb WHY

Buttercup:

:D

Blossom:

Wow, using his own weapon against him

Well played Kent

Bubbles:

You’re so going DOWN

Buttercup:

Again, with pleasure

Bubbles:

STOP

Blossom:

Hey it’s not his fault you’re

Only talking in innuendos

Bubbles:

I’m not talking to ya’ll anymore

BYE

Chapter Text

Absolute Cutie:

Hello, Thaddeus.

Sorry, Thad.

You said to call you that

Thad:

Hi Cole

It’s ok, whatever is fine

Usually I don’t really like my name

But coming from you

It doesn’t really bother me

Absolute Cutie:

I see

Still, I should go for

What you prefer

Thad:

That’s very nice, thank you

Did you need anything

Or was it just a social call?

Or text I guess

Absolute Cutie:

I just felt like talking to you.

Oh and I wanted to send you this.

*picture attached*

Thad:

OMG is that Candle???

She’s so adorable!!!!

Absolute Cutie:

She is yes.

I love her.

Thad:

As you should!

Thank you for this, I needed that today

Absolute Cutie:

You’re welcome.

I tried to learn chess by the way.

I’m not really good at it.

Thad:

Aw it’s ok, I’ll teach you one day

As long as you teach me

Everything you know about fashion

Because how did you manage

To become such an icon?

Absolute Cutie:

I don’t know?

I mean I just buy clothes that fit

And look nice.

Thad:

So you’re just a natural

Good to know

Then again most of my clothes

Are just Bart hand me downs

Absolute Cutie:

You should buy some clothes for yourself.

You can’t just have Bart’s

Just because you’re a clone.

You deserve your own.

Thad:

Oh

Maybe

I mean I don’t really um

I don’t really do the whole

Going out alone

And live normally thing

The only time I get out of the house

Is if Bartie or his boyfriends drag me out

Or if some family member

Invites me for one reason or another

Absolute Cutie:

Are you scared of going out?

Thad:

I’m not sure

I just don’t really feel…

Comfortable I guess

In public

Absolute Cutie:

I understand.

It was hard for me in the beginning.

Especially because of the super-hearing.

Thad:

Yeah that must have been rough…

Absolute Cutie:

A little bit.

I was easily over-stimulated.

Plus human beings are so

Complicated I didn’t understand

A lot of what was going on.

But it got better after a while.

Thad:

That’s good

Absolute Cutie:

Yes.

If you want we could go out together.

I can show you where I get my clothes.

And then we can go to my apartment

So you can meet Candle.

I’ll make hot chocolate.

Thad:

Oh

Are you um

Are you sure?

I don’t want to bother you

Absolute Cutie:

Why would you bother me?

I was the one to ask.

Thad:

That’s true…

Absolute Cutie:

I try not to do things I don’t want to do

In general.

Spending time with you is something I want.

I like you.

Thad:

Oh…

I like you too Cole

Absolute Cutie:

Oh good.

Then we can hang out.

Thad:

Yeah

Yeah I guess we can

When do you want to do this?

Absolute Cutie:

I’m free right now if you are.

Thad:

Oh, right now?

Sure, cool, no problem

Absolutely no big deal

Yeah sure yeah

Absolute Cutie:

Alright, I will come and

Pick you up in 15 minutes then

Thad:

Alddbf

Sorry

Yeah ok I’ll be ready then

Thank god for Super-speed

Absolute Cutie:

Did God give you Super-speed?

Does God create clones?

Thad:

Oh boy

Maybe let’s save the theology

Debate for later Colie

Absolute Cutie:

Sure, if you want.

See you soon.

Thad:

Yeah see you

<><><><><><><><><><><><><> 

Sore Loser:

Check your pockets

(•̀ ⤙ •́):

What

Wait

How

What the hell

Sore Loser:

Treat yourself hun

(•̀ ⤙ •́):

… Timothy

Why is there a debit card in my pocket

And why does it have my name

On it

Sore Loser:

Made you a bank account duh

Also I put some money in there

Just buy yourself things

Or buy Cole things

Whatever you like more

Why not both honestly

(•̀ ⤙ •́):

… Thank you

Sore Loser:

You’re welcome

It’s about time you did something fun

Don’t stay out too late though

Or I’m gonna have to set a curfew

(•̀ ⤙ •́):

We’re literally the same age

Sore Loser:

In the grand scheme of time and space we’re not

Now shush and get back to your date

(•̀ ⤙ •́):

Not a date!

Sore Loser:

Sure Thad

Sure

(•̀ ⤙ •́):

You’re so annoying

Sore Loser:

Love you too

<><><><><><><><><><><><><> 

Groupchat (Robins Support Group)

Child:

So

What’s our stance on spying

On friends and family

These days

Too Old To Be Boy Wonder:

Never miss an opportunity to do it

The Best Big Brother We Could Ever Ask For:

What he said

Quit Telling Everyone I’m Dead:

It’s our God given right

Child:

Cool, just checking

So maybe I just stumbled upon two clones

Hanging out being cute at the mall

And maybe I’ve been following them for half an hour

The Best Big Brother We Could Ever Ask For:

OH MY GOD ARE THAD AND COLE ON A DATE

Too Old To Be Boy Wonder:

THEY TOTALLY ARE THAD IS IN DENIAL

They’re so cute Cole came by the house

To pick Thad up he was so nervous

The poor boy

When Cole asked if he was scared

Because they were going to be in public

He LIED TO HIS FACE and said that

Was the reason lmao

So Cole said he could hold his hand

If it helped

Child:

Can confirm they haven’t stopped holding hands

And Thad is fully red

The Best Big Brother We Could Ever Ask For:

NOOOOO THEYRE SO PRECIOUS I CANT

Quit Telling Everyone I’m Dead:

I gotta admit that’s fucking adorable

Too Old To Be Boy Wonder:

Dami tell us EVERYTHING

Child:

Well first they went shopping

And every time Thad looked at something for

More than two seconds Cole just put it in their cart

Like he knew he’d never have the guts to do it

For himself

The cashier said they were cute together

I thought Thad was about to die

Cole just said thank you the precious bean

The Best Big Brother We Could Ever Ask For:

I can’t, I’m about to cry

Quit Telling Everyone I’m Dead:

Cole has so much rizz tho

Too Old To Be Boy Wonder:

Truly unparalleled

Child:

Now they’re eating corn dogs

And sitting on a park bench talking

STILL holding hands btw

The Best Big Brother We Could Ever Ask For:

We need to protect them

We need to purge the world from all

Evil right now

Quit Telling Everyone I’m Dead:

Seriously you are such a dad

Too Old To Be Boy Wonder:

This is honestly the best thing

That’s happened in months

I missed witnessing puppy love

Even Dami and Jon are too grown now

Child:

Father still thinks I’m a baby though

He gets traumatized when I kiss Jonnie

For longer than ten seconds

The Best Big Brother We Could Ever Ask For:

Kisses are cute!

He should be glad that’s all you’re doing!

Quit Telling Everyone I’m Dead:

Who’s gonna tell him

Too Old To Be Boy Wonder:

We can’t do that to him

Child:

I mean

Whatever we say

He’s gonna stay in denial

The Best Big Brother We Could Ever Ask For:

In denial of what?

Quit Telling Everyone I’m Dead:

Nothing sweetie

Too Old To Be Boy Wonder:

Nothing at all

Child:

Kisses it is

Kisses and nothing else

Yup

The Best Big Brother We Could Ever Ask For:

Exactly, you’re both cutie pies

Quit Telling Everyone I’m Dead:

Dear Lord

Too Old To Be Boy Wonder:

Anyway Dami spy on!

Child:

It’s gonna get difficult, they’re going to

Cole’s place

I can’t be that much of a stalker

Besides, I have a date soon

The Best Big Brother We Could Ever Ask For:

Aw what are you cinnamon rolls doing this time?

Child:

I have no idea

Jonnie spent two hours

Scolding me yesterday cause I always plan

Our dates and never let him take care of me

So he said today was on him

All I had to do was show up and

I quote “look hot”.

Quit Telling Everyone I’m Dead:

Damn this kid knows how to take charge

Too Old To Be Boy Wonder:

It’s a family trait

The Best Big Brother We Could Ever Ask For:

Well I hope you have a wonderful time!

As for the rest of us

We should stop being invested

In other people’s love lives and go on

With our day

Quit Telling Everyone I’m Dead:

Why though

It’s fun

Too Old To Be Boy Wonder:

Like Jay said

Child:

Don’t you have lives?

The Best Big Brother We Could Ever Ask For:

They don’t, their boyfriends are all out together

Because Jason is letting Bruce and Alfred

Organize a forced wedding for them

So they had to go do some cake tasting

Quit Telling Everyone I’m Dead:

I’m starting to regret not putting a stop

To the madness

Too Old To Be Boy Wonder:

And I’m salty that

Alfred said I couldn’t come

Because I had no taste in cakes

Child:

He’s right though

Alright olds, I’ll leave you to your

Pathetic lives

See you all later

And as a dumb bitch once said

“You are all loved by me, your brother”

Too Old To Be Boy Wonder:

Stop clowning me!

The Best Big Brother We Could Ever Ask For:

Bye Dami have fun!

Quit Telling Everyone I’m Dead:

Use protection!

Chapter Text

Don’t Answer:

You know I’m starting to think

The dating pool for us is really shallow

We all really need to stop dating

each other’s family members

Mini Sups:

Yeah it’s like there’s only

Three families available or something

Don’t Answer:

so

you’ve not committed homicide yet

Mini Sups:

Why does everyone think I’ll flip out

It’s not like they’ve done anything

Except holding hands in public

Apparently

Honestly it’s so pure it gives me

A headache

Don’t Answer:

Yeah they are particularly

Adorable

They don’t even realize it

Mini Sups:

Let’s give them time

To figure everything out

And please Lord keep them away from Jason

Don’t Answer:

I think it’s a bit too late for that

He’s literally their mentor at this point

Mini Sups:

I swear if he destroys their purity

I will open his grave back up

And put him back in it

Don’t Answer:

Just have Jaime threaten him

If he’s not too busy having

A whole wedding being planned

For him

Mini Sups:

He’s waiting for Jason to put a stop to it

I don’t think he realizes he’s not going to

And he will soon be Mr. Reyes-Todd

Don’t Answer:

I mean

There are worse fates

Mini Sups:

I’m a bit hurt

Bruce isn’t fighting for me and Bartie

To marry his son

Don’t Answer:

Jaime will always be the favorite

Deal with it

Mini Sups:

I don’t know what he has that we don’t

Don’t Answer:

Infinite patience mostly

Mini Sups:

True

Hey by the way

Did I hear correctly

That you and Dickie are

Talking about adopting?

Don’t Answer:

News travel fast I see

Yeah we’ve been discussing it

Mini Sups:

Is that something you want?

Don’t Answer:

I mean

It is yeah

It’s just

Complicated

Mini Sups:

In what way

Don’t Answer:

It’s just…

You know how my dad was growing up

What if I end up like him?

Mini Sups:

Idiot

Don’t Answer:

Thanks

Mini Sups:

Wally you’re already parenting like

Half this godforsaken extended family

And you’re doing a great job at it

Look how you took care of Bartie

From the age of 15

Look what you’re doing with Thad now

Not to mention you’ve been a great support

For Damian also

Don’t Answer:

I guess...

Mini Sups:

I know your father was shit

But he’s not the only influence you had

In your life anyway

To me you’ve always been Barry and Iris’ kid

More than anything

And they did a great job

They raised a great man

A hero

Don’t Answer:

You can’t say things like that Sups

Mini Sups:

It’s ok I know you’re a cry baby

Let it out

Don’t Answer:

I’m not a cry baby

And you got no proof

But thanks

I guess I’m just stressing out for nothing

Mini Sups:

I’ve been told it’s normal to feel

That way before having a child

Don’t Answer:

We’re still a long way

From adopting

It was just a few talks for now

Mini Sups:

It’s a start

In any case I can’t wait

To be uncle Kon

Don’t Answer:

Oh that’s the role you were born to play

Mini Sups:

Totally

I love kids

Don’t Answer:

You ever thought about having some yourself?

Mini Sups:

I don’t know

Haven’t really pondered that

I guess maybe yeah

One day in the future

I’m not really in a rush

Plus we’ve never really talked

About how being poly will

Affect our future

It’s not as straight forward you know

Don’t Answer:

Yeah I guess there’s a lot to think about

But you’ll find a way to have everything you

Want I’m sure

Mini Sups:

Worst case scenario

We can always make more clones

It’s worked out for us so far

Don’t Answer:

Yeaaah maybe rethink that one

Mini Sups:

Aw you don’t think

Little baby clones would be cute?

We can pull a Luthor

And mix our DNAs

No the more I think about it the more

I’m on board

Don’t Answer:

Your evil dad would be proud

Mini Sups:

I’m pretty sure he didn’t make clones as

An act of love though

Don’t Answer:

Who knows

In his own twisted way maybe

I mean he’s very obsessed with Superman

Mini Sups:

Don’t

I’m still trying to recover from the fact

Bruce had a crush on Clark

Don’t make me think about Lex having

One also

Don’t Answer:

You Kryptonians are a problem

Mini Sups:

You’re just jealous

Don’t Answer:

Don’t flatter yourself

Alright Kon, I have to go

Not that I don’t like talking to you

But I like spying on my little Thaddie

And his crush a lot more

Mini Sups:

Valid

Oh tell Thad I’m making lasagna tonight

And that Cole can come by if he wants

Don’t Answer:

What about me?

Mini Sups:

If you come then Dick’s gonna come,

Then Jason will be jealous and

will want to come with Jaime

Also and then he will bring Dami and Jon will

Call me a traitor and invite himself

Don’t Answer:

I don’t see the problem

Mini Sups:

Making lasagna for two speedsters,

Two semi-Kryptonians and a Tim

Is already hard enough

To make some for half a village of Superheroes

Is damn near impossible

And will bankrupt me

Don’t Answer:

You can’t use the bankrupt excuse anymore

Now that you’re a millionaire

Mini Sups:

It was good while it lasted

Still it’s so much work

Don’t Answer:

But Connie

I love your lasagna

Mini Sups:

No you don’t get to call me Connie

That’s a Bartie thing

Occasionally Timmy too when

He really wants something

Don’t Answer:

So cute

I still want lasagna though

Mini Sups:

Ugh fine

I’ll go back to the store and buy all the

Cheese they have I guess

Don’t Answer:

Yay!

I’m telling everyone!

Mini Sups:

I feel exploited

Chapter Text

Bichito:

Ok so

I think maybe

Things have gone to the point of no return

Future Hubby:

Huh?

Bichito:

Suit fitting

SUIT FITTING JASON

FOR A CUSTOM MADE TUX

THAT COSTS MORE THAN

THAN OUR YEARLY RENT

Future Hubby:

Oh yeah Alfie doesn’t play

With suits

Bichito:

Jason I don’t want to alarm you

But I think we’re getting married

Future Hubby:

Huh.

We are aren’t we

Bichito:

That’s it?

That’s all you have to say?

MARRIAGE JASON PETER TODD

Future Hubby:

Yeah I know

Bichito:

Why are you so calm

Future Hubby:

Probably cause I just realized I actually

Want to marry you

Bichito:

You… what

Future Hubby:

I mean we’ve joked about it enough

But maybe I was serious the whole time

Bichito:

… You

You want to

To marry me?

Future Hubby:

I mean only if you say yes

Bichito:

…

If I

Wait

Future Hubby:

Ideally I think I shouldn’t propose by text

Bichito:

… Jay what the hell

You can’t just

What

Future Hubby:

Breathe

Bichito:

You want to marry me

You want to spend your life with me

To commit to a lifetime of us

Future Hubby:

I mean I never thought there was any doubt

About that last part

Bichito:

You…

I guess you’re right

Future Hubby:

We don’t have to you know

I can tell Brucie and Alfred to stop

Their shenanigans

I had a lot of fun watching the chaos

Til now

Bichito:

No I

Actually

Actually I think that

Yeah

I think I want that too

Future Hubby:

Yeah?

Bichito:

Yeah

Let’s get married

Future Hubby:

Hell yeah!

Bichito:

But !

If it’s really our wedding

First of all I want to scale the whole thing down

I don’t care your dad is a billionaire

I’m not letting him

Bankroll a Royal level wedding

That’s crazy

AND!

You can’t avoid the planning

Anymore

You have to be as involved

As I have been forced to be

Future Hubby:

If I must

Bichito:

You do

Your turn to be tortured by your butler grandpa

Future Hubby:

The horror

See what I have to go through

Just because I love you?

Bichito:

My hero

Future Hubby:

Damn right

Btw I will propose properly

At some point

Bichito:

Not really necessary

But whatever floats your boat Tesoro

Future Hubby:

No it is

It really is

And I’ll go talk to your family

About all this

Bichito:

Oh damn my family

I need to explain to them

Why I have a wedding half planned

Already

Do you think telling them

It’s just rich people shit

Will be explanation enough?

Future Hubby:

I mean it’s worth a try

Bichito:

Yeah I guess

My mom is gonna flip out

I think she might become

Worse than Alfred

Future Hubby:

We’ll survive this

Bichito:

I admire your optimism

Aight ttyl baby

I still have a lot to do today

Future Hubby:

See you at home tonight

Love you

<><><><><><><><><><><><><> 

Hermano:

So

Best man?

El Barto:

Huh?

Hermano:

Best man

I need one of those

For

You know

My wedding

El Barto:

… Wait

Hermano:

Yeaaah turns out I’m actually getting married

Who would have thought huh

El Barto:

JAIME REYES

ARE YOU TELLING ME

BRUCIE WON

Hermano:

I guess so

Anyway best man?

El Barto:

Brennan Lee Mulligan no contest

Hermano:

Why are you like this

El Barto:

Name a better man

I’ll wait

Hermano:

STOP PRETENDING YOU DON’T KNOW

WHAT IM ASKING

El Barto:

THEN ACTUALLY ASK IT

Hermano:

FINE

Bartie will you be my best man?

El Barto:

Yeah of course

Can I brag to Timmy

That you chose me and not him?

Hermano:

If it makes you happy

El Barto:

It does

I love when the Robins take Ls

Hermano:

That’s literally your boyfriend

El Barto:

Yes, and?

Hermano:

Whatever

Now that’s over with

Spill

I heard rumors about your not so evil

Anymore brother having a crush

On little Colie?

El Barto:

Oh God don’t even get me started

They’ve been inseparable these days

The Robins keep spying on them

But they’re so captivated by each other they

Don’t even notice

Hermano:

Aw cute

You think it’s going anywhere?

El Barto:

I don’t know

Cole is hard to read

But either way I think

Thad likes things the way they are now

He’s been making a lot

Of progress

The nightmares have reduced by half at least

His healing factor is almost

Back to normal

And his speed is slowly but surely

Coming back

Physically he’s good

Mentally he’s better

And socially he’s great

All good things

Hermano:

It must be relieving for you

To be able to worry a little less

El Barto:

Yeah…

Not gonna lie the first few months

Were tough

Hermano:

You don’t say

El Barto:

But I don’t regret any of it

I’ve always wanted to be close to my brother

It was never gonna be easy

But it was worth it

Hermano:

That’s all that matters

I’ll come by some time this week

There’s this book

I said I’d lend Thad

Plus we need to talk

About wedding details

Cause I need you to convince

Bruce and Alfred to dial

The whole thing back

El Barto:

Oh good you’re giving me

The easy task

Really though do you know how hard

It is to make Bruce’s billionaire brain

Understand that he sometimes

Don’t have to spend a crapload of money?

Hermano:

If you can’t do it no one can

El Barto:

Sounds about right

Well

Just let me know when you come by

Hermano:

Yeah sure thing

Chapter Text

Colie Bro:

Damian doesn’t want me to tell you

But he’s sad.

We lost one of the pups today.

Jon (Little Brother):

Oh no!

I’m picking him up after his shift

And taking care of this

Thank you Colie

Colie Bro:

You’re welcome.

I don’t like when he’s sad.

Plus there’s really nothing

We could have done.

He was really sick.

But Damian wouldn’t hear it.

Jon (Little Brother):

He doesn’t deal well with death

And he’s stubborn

I’ll handle it don’t worry

Colie Bro:

Good.

He’s been moping around

For about an hour.

Jon (Little Brother):

My poor baby

Only one and a half hour left yeah?

Colie Bro:

Indeed.

It’s been a long day

Jon (Little Brother):

I can imagine

Any plans tonight?

Colie Bro: